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1
00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:35,995
Okay Stan, I'm going
to give you...
2
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:37,413
a "U.F.O.
crash-landing" card,
3
00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:39,999
you can deny it
or cover it up.
4
00:00:40,124 --> 00:00:41,542
Dude, I don't understand
this game at all.
5
00:00:41,667 --> 00:00:43,586
It's "Investigative Reports
of Bill Curtis Fun Time Game",
6
00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:45,087
you have to deny it
or cover it up.
7
00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:46,505
Uh, deny it.
8
00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:47,548
Okay, let's see
what Bill Curtis says.
9
00:00:47,673 --> 00:00:48,924
Hello, I'm Bill Curtis.
10
00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:50,593
Many believe that
the U.S. government
11
00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:52,845
covered it up,
I'm Bill Curtis.
12
00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:54,638
Alright, Cartman,
I'm going to give you...
13
00:00:54,764 --> 00:00:56,348
A "jail time card,"
you lose a turn.
14
00:00:56,474 --> 00:00:57,808
Sweet.
15
00:00:57,933 --> 00:00:59,810
Oh yeah, well, I'm
going to give you...
16
00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:01,145
AIDS.
17
00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:02,605
What?
18
00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:04,231
I just gave you AIDS.
- AIDS?
19
00:01:04,356 --> 00:01:05,900
Dude, that's not cool,
don't give Kyle AIDS.
20
00:01:06,025 --> 00:01:09,028
Kyle has AIDS and now loses
47 turns and 800 points.
21
00:01:09,153 --> 00:01:10,321
Kenny, your dad and I
22
00:01:10,446 --> 00:01:11,989
are thinking about
having another baby.
23
00:01:12,114 --> 00:01:13,449
Wouldn't you love to have
another brother or sister?
24
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:14,742
No.
25
00:01:14,867 --> 00:01:17,661
We just might
work on it later tonight.
26
00:01:17,787 --> 00:01:18,913
God damn it,
poor people suck!
27
00:01:19,038 --> 00:01:20,706
Your family is
already on welfare
28
00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:22,333
and now you're going to bring
another kid into the world.
29
00:01:22,458 --> 00:01:23,292
Poor people are
turning out babies,
30
00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,086
adding on to over-population
31
00:01:25,211 --> 00:01:27,213
and expecting me to pay
for it with my tax dollars.
32
00:01:27,338 --> 00:01:29,507
You don't pay tax dollars,
Cartman, you're eight.
33
00:01:29,632 --> 00:01:32,093
You see, this is just
what I've been talking about!
34
00:01:32,218 --> 00:01:33,761
I can't even relate to
you guys anymore
35
00:01:33,886 --> 00:01:34,929
because you're too immature.
- What?
36
00:01:35,054 --> 00:01:36,430
I've got to start
hanging out with friends
37
00:01:36,555 --> 00:01:38,015
that are a little more
intelligent and understand
38
00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:39,600
politics and stuff.
39
00:01:39,725 --> 00:01:41,310
It's just that I'm up
on this level, up here
40
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:42,978
and all my friends
are down here.
41
00:01:43,104 --> 00:01:44,105
You don't know what you're
talking about, fat-ass!
42
00:01:44,230 --> 00:01:46,524
No, no, no,
me, "nah", you guys, "nah".
43
00:01:46,649 --> 00:01:48,984
Maybe more down,
down "nah".
44
00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:53,114
Screw you guys,
I'm going home!
45
00:01:54,323 --> 00:01:55,491
I'm Bill Curtis.
46
00:01:57,493 --> 00:01:58,828
I've outgrown
all my friends,
47
00:01:58,953 --> 00:02:00,412
I need to meet more
mature people, Clyde Frog.
48
00:02:00,538 --> 00:02:03,582
Oh, great idea,
Clyde Frog!
49
00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:05,543
I can meet new friends
on the internet.
50
00:02:07,545 --> 00:02:08,796
Here's a chat room.
51
00:02:08,921 --> 00:02:10,172
"men who like young boys",
that's perfect!
52
00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:11,966
Hi, everybody.
53
00:02:12,091 --> 00:02:15,219
I am a young boy seeking
an older male for good times.
54
00:02:15,344 --> 00:02:16,846
I am eight years old and
would like--
55
00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:21,892
Wow, look at all these guys
that want to be my friends!
56
00:02:22,017 --> 00:02:24,687
I'll pick tony316.
57
00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:27,523
Hi, Tony.
58
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:30,109
Oh, you know
the usual stuff.
59
00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:32,236
Smiley face.
60
00:02:32,361 --> 00:02:34,572
"Kewl, wanna get together?
Smiley face."
61
00:02:34,697 --> 00:02:37,199
Sure, Tony,
that would be cool.
62
00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:39,577
Winking smiley face.
63
00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:44,874
Sounds good,
see you then!
64
00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:46,792
Clown hat, curly hair,
smiley face.
65
00:02:48,169 --> 00:02:49,628
You see that
Clyde Frog!
66
00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:51,547
Tomorrow I'm going to meet
my first mature friend.
67
00:02:54,133 --> 00:02:55,342
Hi, are you Tony?
68
00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:57,970
Yeah, you're Eric?
- Yeah!
69
00:02:58,095 --> 00:03:00,389
I brought you some candy.
- Wow, cool!
70
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:03,601
And some books
on Kama Sutra.
71
00:03:03,726 --> 00:03:06,061
Neato, having
older friends kicks ass!
72
00:03:06,187 --> 00:03:08,063
You see I've really
been having a tough time,
73
00:03:08,189 --> 00:03:09,857
I've kind of matured faster
than my other friends,
74
00:03:09,982 --> 00:03:11,317
we don't really
relate anymore and--
75
00:03:11,442 --> 00:03:14,612
uh, all my friends seem
so childish now, you know.
76
00:03:14,737 --> 00:03:17,198
Do you like having
your back rubbed?
77
00:03:17,323 --> 00:03:19,575
Yeah, that seems
really nice, thanks.
78
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:20,659
Hold it right
there, scum bag!
79
00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:21,952
Huh?
80
00:03:22,077 --> 00:03:23,662
We monitored your little
online chat,
81
00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:26,707
now you're coming with us.
- No!
82
00:03:26,832 --> 00:03:28,459
What the hell
just happened?
83
00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:33,797
You can't eat Kenny, we have
to save food for the baby.
84
00:03:33,923 --> 00:03:35,466
Your mom and I are going
out for a few weeks, Kenny,
85
00:03:35,591 --> 00:03:37,051
take care of the baby.
86
00:03:37,176 --> 00:03:38,677
Kenny, you have to change
the baby's diapers!
87
00:03:38,802 --> 00:03:40,846
You have to share
your room with the baby!
88
00:03:40,971 --> 00:03:42,014
Both: The baby, the baby,
the baby!
89
00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:44,808
Huuuh!
90
00:03:44,934 --> 00:03:46,393
Stop it.
91
00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:48,145
Come on, let's go try to
get you pregnant again.
92
00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:49,688
Oh, alright.
93
00:03:49,813 --> 00:03:50,773
Dad, I want
to play catch.
94
00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:52,191
Huh?
95
00:03:52,316 --> 00:03:53,108
Oh, I'll play catch
with you later, son.
96
00:03:53,234 --> 00:03:54,777
I want to play now!
97
00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:56,612
Oh, go ahead, we can
make love afterwards.
98
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,155
Oh, alright.
99
00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:02,785
Alright, here comes a pop fly,
see if you can catch it.
100
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:05,579
Good job,
now throw me one.
101
00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:07,873
Oh!
102
00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:11,001
Blech!
103
00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:12,336
What happened?
104
00:04:12,461 --> 00:04:13,879
He smacked me
in the balls.
105
00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:15,547
Oh, oh!
- Woo-hoo!
106
00:04:15,673 --> 00:04:16,840
Blech!
107
00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:21,470
Okay, we'll
try this again.
108
00:04:27,101 --> 00:04:29,311
This one looks good,
"HungDaddy".
109
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:31,647
Hello, HungDaddy!
110
00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:35,192
Damn dude, this guy is tiny,
he must be a dwarf.
111
00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:37,486
Sorry, I'm not interested
in being friends with midgets.
112
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,530
Frowny face.
113
00:04:40,656 --> 00:04:42,366
How about this one?
114
00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:45,911
Mr. Hammer Head?
115
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:46,954
Hi, there.
116
00:04:47,079 --> 00:04:48,914
Mr. Garrison!
- Ahh, Eric!
117
00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:51,417
You want to be my friend?
- Oh, crap!
118
00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:52,960
That's cool, we can hang out,
what do you want to do first?
119
00:04:53,085 --> 00:04:54,295
Nothing, nothing!
120
00:04:54,420 --> 00:04:55,671
Alright, scum bag,
we got you.
121
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,464
Hey, ah!
122
00:04:57,589 --> 00:04:58,924
Good thing
you guys came.
123
00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:00,801
This little boy was trying
to have his way with me.
124
00:05:00,926 --> 00:05:03,512
Nice try, buddy, we monitored
your little online chat,
125
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,306
now you're coming with us.
- No!
126
00:05:05,431 --> 00:05:08,309
Why the hell does the FBI
keep arresting all my friends?
127
00:05:08,434 --> 00:05:09,977
This has to be the work
of Stan and Kyle.
128
00:05:10,102 --> 00:05:10,936
God, I hate those guys!
129
00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:14,148
See, I told you, dude!
130
00:05:14,273 --> 00:05:15,691
Those are
dialysis machines.
131
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,609
Old people have to hook
themselves into it with a tube
132
00:05:17,735 --> 00:05:18,986
and it sucks all
their body fluids out.
133
00:05:19,111 --> 00:05:20,404
Oh, man,
that's terrible!
134
00:05:20,529 --> 00:05:21,822
I know, huh?
135
00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:22,948
Put your mouth against
the glass, like this.
136
00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:23,907
Wah!
137
00:05:24,033 --> 00:05:25,534
Yeah,
haaa!
138
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,244
Bleh-leh-leh-leh!
139
00:05:27,369 --> 00:05:28,996
Wha-la-la-la-la!
140
00:05:29,121 --> 00:05:31,081
Alright, just what the hell
do you guys think you're doing?
141
00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:32,333
We're making faces
at sick people.
142
00:05:32,458 --> 00:05:34,960
No! I mean what
the hell are you doing?
143
00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:35,919
Why are all my mature
adult friends
144
00:05:36,045 --> 00:05:38,505
being mysteriously
arrested, huh?
145
00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:39,548
We don't know.
- I'll tell you why!
146
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,467
Because you guys are jealous
147
00:05:41,592 --> 00:05:42,760
and can't handle the fact
that you're immature,
148
00:05:42,885 --> 00:05:45,346
and so you started a government
conspiracy against me!
149
00:05:45,471 --> 00:05:46,764
We don't know what you're
talking about, lard butt.
150
00:05:46,889 --> 00:05:48,766
Lard butt, oh,
that's so mature.
151
00:05:48,891 --> 00:05:50,309
God, I guess I was wrong
about you guys, huh?
152
00:05:50,434 --> 00:05:51,560
You're not more
mature than us, Cartman.
153
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,479
Yes, I am!
154
00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:57,399
I'm telling you this is
all a terrible mistake,
155
00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:59,109
Officer Barbrady.
156
00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:01,570
Well, the FBI said
I have to hold you here,
157
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,739
so that's what I'm going
to do, Mr. Complainy-pants.
158
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,366
Oh!
159
00:06:05,491 --> 00:06:09,203
Do you like having
your back rubbed?
160
00:06:09,328 --> 00:06:10,287
Eat me, pervert.
161
00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:11,872
Okay.
162
00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:15,542
We demand you release
these men at once.
163
00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:16,794
Who are you?
164
00:06:16,919 --> 00:06:18,087
We are NAMBLA,
165
00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:20,214
the North American Man-Boy
Love Association
166
00:06:20,339 --> 00:06:21,173
and we heard about
these political prisoners
167
00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:22,758
you're keeping.
168
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,885
Political prisoners?
No, these are child molesters.
169
00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:26,053
Loving young boys
has been around
170
00:06:26,178 --> 00:06:27,805
since the time
of the Romans, pal.
171
00:06:27,930 --> 00:06:29,181
There's nothing
wrong with it!
172
00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:31,058
We are an organization
dedicated to showing
173
00:06:31,183 --> 00:06:32,518
that sex between
a man and a young boy
174
00:06:32,643 --> 00:06:34,186
can be a beautiful thing!
175
00:06:34,311 --> 00:06:35,396
Yeah!
- Yeah!
176
00:06:35,521 --> 00:06:37,022
Uh, I don't know
who you are,
177
00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:38,315
but these men aren't
going anywhere
178
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,067
until I hear
from the FBI.
179
00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:42,194
Hate mongerer!
Hate mongerer!
180
00:06:42,319 --> 00:06:43,946
Hate mongerer, yeah.
181
00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:45,739
Okay, people, I think
you'd better move along
182
00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:47,116
before I arrest more of you.
183
00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:48,826
All these men wanted
was to love a young boy,
184
00:06:48,951 --> 00:06:51,495
there is nothing
wrong with love.
185
00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:53,247
I did not want love
from a young boy,
186
00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:54,623
I like men
my own age.
187
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:56,125
Ah! I mean--
188
00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:57,584
I like women,
what did I say?
189
00:06:57,709 --> 00:06:59,002
Oh, God,
I love titties!
190
00:06:59,128 --> 00:07:00,003
You haven't heard
the last of us, officer.
191
00:07:00,129 --> 00:07:02,131
Together we are strong.
Come on, men!
192
00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:05,175
Yeah!
- Yeah!
193
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,594
Well, they got activists
for everything these days.
194
00:07:09,847 --> 00:07:11,223
I've done it, Kevin!
195
00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:12,766
I've successfully gene-spliced
this chipmunk
196
00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:14,101
with a piece
of provolone cheese.
197
00:07:15,519 --> 00:07:17,104
Do you know what
this means, Kevin?
198
00:07:17,229 --> 00:07:19,731
No more will the world have to
look in two different places
199
00:07:19,857 --> 00:07:21,525
for squirrels and
provolone cheese.
200
00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:22,901
No more will mankind
have to pick--
201
00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:24,278
Who could that be?
202
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,072
Why, it's little
Eric Cartman.
203
00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:28,490
Doctor Mephesto,
I need help.
204
00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:29,575
Of course,
come in.
205
00:07:29,700 --> 00:07:31,201
See, unfortunately,
206
00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:32,244
I have matured faster
than all my friends.
207
00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:33,120
I want to hang out
with older friends,
208
00:07:33,245 --> 00:07:34,663
but I can't find any.
209
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:35,664
So I was wondering if you can
genetically engineer
210
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:37,249
some older friends for me.
211
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:38,625
Oh, Eric, I'm afraid
it's not that simple.
212
00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:41,211
Genetic engineering has not yet
evolved to the state
213
00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:42,963
where I can just
make people.
214
00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:44,590
Damn it, but I want to
hang out with older guys!
215
00:07:44,715 --> 00:07:47,551
Oh, well, I happen to be
a member of an organization
216
00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:49,261
that can help you.
It's called NAMBLA.
217
00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:50,637
NAMBLA?
218
00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:52,681
Yes, I've been a member
for several years.
219
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,850
I'm sure they'll let you join,
you look about right.
220
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,685
Okay, thanks, Doctor Mephesto!
- Sure.
221
00:07:58,228 --> 00:07:59,605
Fellow members
of NAMBLA,
222
00:07:59,730 --> 00:08:03,275
as you know, we continue
to be discriminated against.
223
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,819
Recently the FBI
has started to arrest men
224
00:08:05,944 --> 00:08:07,863
who are doing nothing more
than than trying to start
225
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,615
a sexual relationship
with a young boy.
226
00:08:09,740 --> 00:08:11,533
All: Oh!
227
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,410
And now that all ethnic
groups, homosexuals and womens
228
00:08:13,535 --> 00:08:14,995
are protected under
civil rights laws,
229
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,997
we want the same!
230
00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:18,999
All: Yeah!
- Yeah!
231
00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:20,334
What we need is proof
that young boys
232
00:08:20,459 --> 00:08:21,668
want be members of NAMBLA.
233
00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:23,545
That they want
love from us.
234
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:26,256
We need a poster child.
235
00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:28,759
To show the world that it is a
beautiful and wonderful thing--
236
00:08:28,884 --> 00:08:29,885
ooooh.
237
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,304
Can we help you?
238
00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:34,097
Yes, I'd like to join
your fine organization,
239
00:08:34,223 --> 00:08:35,390
is that cool?
240
00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:37,184
You do?
- Sure.
241
00:08:37,309 --> 00:08:40,020
Thank you!
Thank you, Jesus!
242
00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:42,022
Sweet.
243
00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:47,319
Whah!
244
00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:48,779
Bleh!
- Bleh!
245
00:08:48,904 --> 00:08:50,614
Le-le-le-le!
Buh!
246
00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:52,783
Well, Kenny,
the doctor confirmed it.
247
00:08:52,908 --> 00:08:54,368
I'm pregnant!
248
00:08:54,493 --> 00:08:55,577
You're going to have
a little brother or sister.
249
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:58,956
Yup, it's for sure.
250
00:08:59,081 --> 00:09:01,041
And he fixed my shattered
left testicle, too.
251
00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:02,417
Don't be out
too late, Kenny.
252
00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:04,127
We need to start moving
stuff out of your room.
253
00:09:04,253 --> 00:09:07,089
Wow, your mom's
pregnant, Kenny!
254
00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:08,715
Yeah, now what are
you going to do?
255
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,802
I don't know, but I have to
think of something!
256
00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:18,684
What are you
talking about, fat-ass?
257
00:09:18,809 --> 00:09:20,644
Oh, no big deal, I just found
a group called NAMBLA
258
00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:22,896
with adult members and they all
think that I'm so mature
259
00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:25,691
they want me to be their
new poster child, is all.
260
00:09:25,816 --> 00:09:28,151
It looks like I'm finally
going to have mature friends
261
00:09:28,277 --> 00:09:29,570
who I can relate to.
262
00:09:36,702 --> 00:09:37,494
Can I help you,
young lady?
263
00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:41,540
Oh, you want "morning after"
abortion pills.
264
00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:43,584
Well, they're right over there.
- Thanks!
265
00:09:54,636 --> 00:09:56,346
I'm sorry,
young lady,
266
00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:57,598
but I can't sell that to you
267
00:09:57,723 --> 00:09:58,724
without permission
from your parents.
268
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,605
Well, alrighty then,
cash or charge?
269
00:10:04,730 --> 00:10:05,606
Cool.
270
00:10:17,659 --> 00:10:19,369
Look, mom, I made you
something to drink.
271
00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:21,288
Oh, well, that's
very sweet of you, Kenny,
272
00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:22,998
you made my favorite
drink for me.
273
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:25,083
Yeah.
274
00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:27,419
But, unfortunately, now
that I'm pregnant I can't drink.
275
00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:29,087
What?
- Well, I could still drink.
276
00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:30,088
No, Daddy.
277
00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:34,051
Oh, that hits
the spot.
278
00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:36,720
Makes me forget all about
my shattered balls.
279
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,724
What, what's
the matter?
280
00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:42,559
Why don't you go
make me another one of--
281
00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:45,228
Oh!
282
00:10:45,354 --> 00:10:47,230
What's the matter?
- Uh-oh!
283
00:10:47,356 --> 00:10:50,150
Oh God, I'm gonna
crap my pants!
284
00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:51,943
Oh, God!
285
00:10:54,237 --> 00:10:56,073
Oh, my balls.
286
00:10:56,198 --> 00:10:57,074
Blech!
287
00:11:01,620 --> 00:11:02,704
Oh, God!
288
00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:12,339
Just a few more
pictures, Eric.
289
00:11:12,464 --> 00:11:14,257
You make a perfect
poster child.
290
00:11:14,383 --> 00:11:15,300
Thanks, dude.
291
00:11:18,053 --> 00:11:20,180
Hey, Eric, we have
a surprise for you.
292
00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:21,890
We want you to have
a big dinner and dance
293
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,684
honoring you as
our new poster child.
294
00:11:23,809 --> 00:11:25,727
Really, awesome!
295
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,854
Yes, and we want you
to, umm...
296
00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:30,357
Invite all your
young male friends.
297
00:11:30,482 --> 00:11:32,275
Oh, yes.
Aww!
298
00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:34,528
Well, sure, I have some
friends who want to be mature
299
00:11:34,653 --> 00:11:36,363
excluding Stan and Kyle,
of course.
300
00:11:36,488 --> 00:11:38,323
Great, now you go and
invite your little friends
301
00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:39,533
and we'll get
the hotel ready.
302
00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:41,368
Kick-ass!.
303
00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:44,955
Kenny, don't forget
to clean out your room,
304
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,624
so we can paint it
for the baby!
305
00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:50,001
Hey, are you feeling down,
you need some excitement!
306
00:11:50,127 --> 00:11:52,170
And North Park Funland has
just opened its newest ride,
307
00:11:52,295 --> 00:11:54,172
the John Denver Experience!
308
00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:56,425
You'll be "Rocky Mountain High"
with this,
309
00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:59,094
the most extreme,
insane ride ever built!
310
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,430
Both: It was fun.
311
00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:03,223
Note: People with heart
conditions and expectant mothers
312
00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:06,101
should not ride "The John
Denver," open now, come on down!
313
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:07,102
Mom!
314
00:12:10,564 --> 00:12:12,607
Are you sure you should be
going on this thing?
315
00:12:12,733 --> 00:12:14,359
Oh, it's alright.
316
00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:15,527
You know, I think maybe
Kenny's been a little worried
317
00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:17,112
about the new baby,
318
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,363
we have to show him that
he's still our little boy.
319
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:30,041
What'd he say?
320
00:12:38,467 --> 00:12:40,093
Whoa!
321
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:51,855
Oh, God, my nose,
I think I broke my nose.
322
00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:53,607
Come on, Stuart, let's just
get you to a bathroom.
323
00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:56,067
Oh, I'm not going to make it,
I'm going to be sick.
324
00:12:56,193 --> 00:12:58,361
Oh, my stomach.
325
00:12:58,487 --> 00:13:00,489
Oh, my nose.
326
00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:01,782
Gross.
327
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:12,292
Oh, Stan and Kyle, just
the guys I wanted to see,
328
00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:13,752
my NAMBLA organization
329
00:13:13,877 --> 00:13:15,337
is having a very important
benefit in my honor.
330
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:17,047
They are?
331
00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:18,632
We're going to have a big
mature party at this hotel
332
00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:20,842
and I can invite all
my mature friends that I want.
333
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,636
And that means I'm going
to invite everybody,
334
00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:24,679
except for
you guys!
335
00:13:27,933 --> 00:13:29,518
We don't want to go to some
stupid adult meeting anyway.
336
00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:30,685
Well, that's nice,
because you can't go.
337
00:13:30,811 --> 00:13:31,686
We don't
want to go.
338
00:13:31,812 --> 00:13:32,687
You can't go.
339
00:13:32,813 --> 00:13:33,897
We don't want
to go.
340
00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:35,565
No, you can't go.
341
00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:38,276
Hey, Clyde, Butters,
check this out!
342
00:13:38,401 --> 00:13:40,487
Dude, maybe we do need to
start being more mature.
343
00:13:40,612 --> 00:13:42,656
Yeah, I guess we've got to
try to get in that club, too.
344
00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:47,828
You're doing fine,
Ms. McCormick.
345
00:13:47,953 --> 00:13:49,412
It's alright, Kenny.
346
00:13:49,538 --> 00:13:50,705
Come see
the miracle of life.
347
00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:53,166
Ewww!
348
00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:54,709
I can see his head.
- You can?
349
00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:55,710
Push now,
push hard!
350
00:13:57,796 --> 00:13:58,672
Oh, my God!
351
00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:00,799
What is it?
352
00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:03,510
It's alive!
353
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:08,932
Oh, my God!
It killed Kenny!
354
00:14:09,057 --> 00:14:10,684
Bad baby, bad!
355
00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:12,894
Hmm?
356
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:15,105
That does it!
357
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:20,986
Oh, hi, Kenny,
what are you doing?
358
00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:25,031
What are you
doing Kenny?
359
00:14:26,908 --> 00:14:29,703
Kenny, what are you
going to plunge?
360
00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:30,996
Grrrrr!
361
00:14:31,121 --> 00:14:32,789
Ahhhh!
362
00:14:32,914 --> 00:14:33,790
Kenny, what the
hell are you doing?
363
00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:47,512
What the hell?
364
00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:48,847
Hey, what the hell
are you guys doing here?
365
00:14:48,972 --> 00:14:50,181
This is for
mature people only.
366
00:14:50,307 --> 00:14:51,433
We got invited too,
fat-ass.
367
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:52,767
Well, I guess nowadays
368
00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:54,102
they allow any old schmucks
into NAMBLA.
369
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:55,854
Fellow NAMBLA members,
370
00:14:55,979 --> 00:14:57,647
it is great to see
you all here.
371
00:14:57,772 --> 00:14:59,441
It seems like we have
finally found a city
372
00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:00,442
that won't oppress us!
373
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,235
Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah!
374
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:05,113
First and foremost,
I want to recognize Eric Cartman
375
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:08,074
for putting us in touch with
all you pretty young boys.
376
00:15:08,199 --> 00:15:09,659
Thank you, thank you
very much, thank you.
377
00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:11,119
Now, I know that many of us
378
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:12,704
have already found partners
in this fine city
379
00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:14,581
and I'd like to take a minute
380
00:15:14,706 --> 00:15:16,374
to hear some testimonials
from members.
381
00:15:16,499 --> 00:15:17,834
This is boring.
- Yeah.
382
00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:19,085
Hey, when are we going to
get to some action, huh?
383
00:15:19,210 --> 00:15:21,046
Oooh!
- Ha-ha!
384
00:15:21,171 --> 00:15:23,298
Goodness,
what a gift from God.
385
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:26,217
We'll get "to it" very soon,
I'll assure you.
386
00:15:26,343 --> 00:15:27,510
But first,
I'd just like to hear
387
00:15:27,636 --> 00:15:29,012
from a couple of you
on your progress.
388
00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:30,513
Yes, Patrick.
389
00:15:30,639 --> 00:15:33,683
I found a little
eight-year-old named Butters,
390
00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:36,186
he's a beautiful
bright little boy.
391
00:15:36,311 --> 00:15:37,896
Well, I sure am,
I guess.
392
00:15:38,021 --> 00:15:40,690
And his skin is as soft
as fresh linen.
393
00:15:40,815 --> 00:15:42,275
Ooh!
Ooh! Ooh!
394
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:43,693
That seems
kind of weird.
395
00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:45,654
Well, my skin is "springtime"
soft, I suppose.
396
00:15:45,779 --> 00:15:46,780
Wonderful.
397
00:15:46,905 --> 00:15:48,323
And how about you
Mr. Harris?
398
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:49,866
Well, I want to announce
399
00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:51,743
that I may have found
the dream boy of the decade,
400
00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:54,996
he's sexy and sassy
and full of spunk.
401
00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:55,997
His name is Timmy.
402
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:58,667
Timmy!
Tim-my?
403
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:00,502
Well, members,
I know we're all eager
404
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:02,045
to get acquainted with
our new partners.
405
00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:05,215
So why don't we turn down
the lights and start the dance.
406
00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:12,889
Alright, I want these
perverted bastards
407
00:16:13,014 --> 00:16:14,516
all taken in, got it?
- All: Got it.
408
00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:15,934
Fellow NAMBLA members,
409
00:16:16,059 --> 00:16:17,394
as the South Park
representative--
410
00:16:17,519 --> 00:16:18,895
Hold it right there!
- Nobody move!
411
00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:20,230
What's going on?
412
00:16:20,355 --> 00:16:22,649
Alright, sickos,
where are the children?
413
00:16:22,774 --> 00:16:25,151
What children?
- This is NAMBLA, right?
414
00:16:25,276 --> 00:16:26,903
Yes.
415
00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:28,571
"The North American
Man-Boy Love Association".
416
00:16:28,697 --> 00:16:30,281
What? No!
417
00:16:30,407 --> 00:16:32,659
We're "The North American
Marlon Brando Look-a-likes."
418
00:16:34,369 --> 00:16:35,662
Oh, crap, we've got
the wrong NAMBLA.
419
00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:37,622
Oh, damn it,
I'm in the wrong place!
420
00:16:37,747 --> 00:16:39,499
Don't tell me that
other NAMBLA
421
00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:41,292
is actually in South Park.
- You know of them?
422
00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:42,711
Know of them?
423
00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:43,753
We've been fighting with them
for years
424
00:16:43,878 --> 00:16:45,255
over the rights
to NAMBLA.com.
425
00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:47,298
Yeah, those
perverted bastards!
426
00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:49,884
Wow, you guys really do
look a lot like Marlon Brando.
427
00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:51,594
Thank you.
428
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:52,679
Now, let's go get those
other NAMBLA bastards
429
00:16:52,804 --> 00:16:54,180
before they hurt any
South Park children!
430
00:16:54,305 --> 00:16:55,974
Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah!
431
00:16:56,099 --> 00:16:58,268
And let's kick their asses
for stealing our domain name!
432
00:16:58,393 --> 00:16:59,394
Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah!
433
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:04,315
Alright, members,
that's enough of that.
434
00:17:04,441 --> 00:17:06,693
It's time for for us all to
retire to our respective rooms
435
00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:08,695
and get to know
our new young boys.
436
00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:10,697
Alright!
437
00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:13,241
Dude, being mature is boring.
- Yeah!
438
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,243
Everyone come up and
grab your room keys
439
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:16,745
and we'll head upstairs.
440
00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:28,965
Dude, I think
these guys mean to have
441
00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:30,467
sexual encounters with us!
442
00:17:30,592 --> 00:17:32,802
I know dude, let's get
the hell out of here!
443
00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:34,512
Ah! There's more
of them, quick hide!
444
00:17:37,307 --> 00:17:38,933
Alright, Marlon Brandos!
445
00:17:39,059 --> 00:17:40,643
They've got to be here
somewhere, let's try this room.
446
00:17:41,770 --> 00:17:42,896
Let's get those perverts.
447
00:17:45,023 --> 00:17:47,442
Ah!
- Sacrebleu!
448
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:48,818
Whoa!
449
00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:50,570
Ahhh!
Ahhh!
450
00:17:50,695 --> 00:17:51,571
Kenny, no!
Leave me alone!
451
00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:52,989
Mmm-hmm-mmm.
452
00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:56,826
Kenny!
453
00:17:56,951 --> 00:18:00,121
This time I will
not drop the food.
454
00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:01,623
Where's the boys?
455
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:04,667
Sacrebleu!
456
00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:06,669
I think the boys
went in here.
457
00:18:06,795 --> 00:18:08,213
Ah!
458
00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:12,550
Maybe the boys
are in here, oh, boys!
459
00:18:12,675 --> 00:18:15,303
Ah!
460
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:16,554
Alright, you're
under arrest!
461
00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:18,181
No, you've got
the wrong NAMBLA again.
462
00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:19,599
Damn it!
463
00:18:19,724 --> 00:18:21,142
Hey, we didn't
try that room.
464
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,479
Sacrebleu.
465
00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:25,855
Dude, we're
surrounded by perverts.
466
00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:26,898
They're all over
the place.
467
00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:27,941
Timmy!
468
00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:29,275
What are we
going to do?
469
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:30,819
Well, Cartman, you got
everybody into this,
470
00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:32,612
you have to figure out a way
to get everybody out.
471
00:18:32,737 --> 00:18:33,613
Yeah!
- Uhh, that's fine.
472
00:18:33,738 --> 00:18:34,364
I know how
to get us out.
473
00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:36,241
How?
474
00:18:36,366 --> 00:18:38,576
Well, look, those perverts
aren't going to rest
475
00:18:38,701 --> 00:18:40,954
until they've made love
to one of us, right?
476
00:18:41,079 --> 00:18:43,039
So somebody is just going
to have to go out there
477
00:18:43,164 --> 00:18:45,083
and take one
for the team.
478
00:18:47,252 --> 00:18:49,462
And I think in all fairness,
it should be Butters.
479
00:18:49,587 --> 00:18:52,382
Huh, well,
why me?
480
00:18:52,507 --> 00:18:53,758
Now, are you a team player
or not?
481
00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:55,760
Well, sure, I'm
a team player, I guess.
482
00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:57,554
Well, Butters, there is
no "I" in team.
483
00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,222
You mean you expect me
to go out there
484
00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:00,849
and let all those
horny old men
485
00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:02,475
have their way with
my fragile person?
486
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,310
Just what team
is this anyway?
487
00:19:04,435 --> 00:19:05,895
Just go Butters,
we're running out of time.
488
00:19:06,020 --> 00:19:08,940
Oh, alright then.
489
00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:10,650
He's such
a dumb ass.
490
00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:12,652
Alright men,
here I come.
491
00:19:12,777 --> 00:19:16,114
I'm ready to
take one for the team.
492
00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:18,825
Kenny, Kenny, I've had enough
of your shenanigans!
493
00:19:18,950 --> 00:19:20,702
Ooh, one of the boys
just came in!
494
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:23,204
I get him first!
- What the--?
495
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:24,831
Oh, no!
Ahhhhh!
496
00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:30,211
Are you alright,
Stuart?
497
00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:31,504
Don't touch me.
498
00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:34,090
I've had my nuts broken,
body poisoned,
499
00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:35,758
and been made love to
in the ass
500
00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:37,719
by three dozen
40-year-old men.
501
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:41,181
I just want to go home
and take a hot bath.
502
00:19:41,306 --> 00:19:42,974
We've been after you
for a long time, buddy.
503
00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:44,309
Do you know
your rights?
504
00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:46,603
Rights? Does anybody
know their rights?
505
00:19:46,728 --> 00:19:48,813
You see, I've learned
something today,
506
00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:51,107
our forefathers came
to this country
507
00:19:51,232 --> 00:19:53,193
because they believed
in an idea.
508
00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:55,278
An idea
called freedom.
509
00:19:55,403 --> 00:19:56,863
They wanted to live
in a place where a group
510
00:19:56,988 --> 00:19:58,823
couldn't be prosecuted
for their beliefs.
511
00:19:58,948 --> 00:20:00,909
Where a person can live
the way he chooses to live.
512
00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:03,286
You see us as being perverted
513
00:20:03,411 --> 00:20:04,704
because we're different
from you.
514
00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:07,040
People are afraid of us
because they don't understand.
515
00:20:07,165 --> 00:20:10,251
And sometimes it's easier to
persecute than to understand.
516
00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:13,922
Dude, you have
sex with children.
517
00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:15,715
We are human.
518
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:18,426
Most of us didn't even choose
to be attracted to young boys,
519
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,053
we were born
that way.
520
00:20:20,178 --> 00:20:21,512
We can't help
the way we are,
521
00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:23,765
and if you all can't
understand that, well,
522
00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:27,310
then I guess you'll just
have to put us away.
523
00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:34,651
Dude, you have
sex with children.
524
00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:36,110
Yeah, you know, we believe
in equality for everybody
525
00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:38,112
and tolerance and all
that gay stuff, but dude,
526
00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:38,988
fuck you.
- Seriously.
527
00:20:39,113 --> 00:20:40,573
Alright, that's enough,
528
00:20:40,698 --> 00:20:42,742
you're all going to be
put away for a long time.
529
00:20:44,118 --> 00:20:45,495
Well, Cartman.
- Well, what?
530
00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:46,746
Don't you think you
owe everyone an apology
531
00:20:46,871 --> 00:20:47,956
for bringing NAMBLA here?
- All: Yeah!
532
00:20:48,081 --> 00:20:49,540
Alright,
alright.
533
00:20:49,666 --> 00:20:51,626
I'm sorry I almost got
you guys all raped, there.
534
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:52,752
And now do you still think
you need to hang out
535
00:20:52,877 --> 00:20:54,420
with older mature friends?
536
00:20:54,545 --> 00:20:56,297
No, I guess you guys will
blossom into maturity some day,
537
00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:57,590
just don't
take too long.
538
00:20:58,967 --> 00:20:59,842
Okay, let's roll.
539
00:21:06,224 --> 00:21:09,143
Coo-coochie-coo
coo-coochie-coo.
540
00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:10,979
Our little angel,
yes.
541
00:21:11,104 --> 00:21:12,647
Oh, he's so beautiful!
542
00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:13,856
I know it's been
hard on both of us,
543
00:21:13,982 --> 00:21:15,316
losing poor Kenny.
544
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:17,235
But this knew baby
kind of reminds me of him.
545
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:18,695
What should
we name him?
546
00:21:18,820 --> 00:21:20,530
Well, seeing as though
Kenny passed away,
547
00:21:20,655 --> 00:21:22,073
maybe we should
name him...
548
00:21:22,198 --> 00:21:23,283
Kenny.
549
00:21:23,408 --> 00:21:25,451
Yes, Kenny is such
a great name.
550
00:21:25,576 --> 00:21:27,704
My little Kenny,
a brand-new Kenny.
551
00:21:30,081 --> 00:21:32,417
God, this must have been
the 50th time this has happened.
552
00:21:32,542 --> 00:21:33,793
52nd.
39790
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