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Westminster.
The House of Commons.
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Every nation, they say,
gets the government it deserves,
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if that isn't a sobering thought.
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Beneath that noble roof, my friends,
sit six hundred MPs,
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made up, for the most part,
of Conservatives and Socialists.
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One might sum up the enormous difference
between the two by saying that,
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whereas the Conservative philosophy
is the exploitation of man by man,
10
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with the Socialists,
it is exactly the other way round.
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Behind those dedicated six hundred,
stand the voters who put them there.
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And heavy indeed
is the responsibility that they bear.
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00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:05,102
Let's take a look at them for a change.
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00:03:05,227 --> 00:03:08,397
Up in the typical
parliamentary borough of Earndale,
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00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,565
they're having a by-election next month,
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00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:11,817
and I can assure you
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that you will find
the electors of Earndale
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as intelligent as any in the country.
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Accustomed as they are
to exercising their keen judgement
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on matters of national importance.
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Alert as they are
to the social problems of the day.
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Impartial and full of
the spirit of British fair play.
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- Call yourself a referee?
- Get out of it!
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Mature, serious-minded,
intelligent citizens, as you'd expect.
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For are they not the inheritors
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of three thousand years
of civilisation and culture?
27
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Oh, yes.
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The eyes of the country
are on Earndale, all right.
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And Earndale, I am sure,
has but one thought in mind.
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Ladies and gentlemen,
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tonight we bring you this week's
edition of our popular panel game,
32
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What on Earth Was That?
33
00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:20,051
Good evening. Here we are again
with a brand-new set of sound effects
34
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to challenge the panel,
who are, as usual, your good friends,
35
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:24,389
Gilbert Harding...
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How do you do?
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Josephine Douglas...
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Hello.
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00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:29,770
Carole Carr...
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Good evening.
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And Robert Wilcot.
42
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Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
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00:04:35,901 --> 00:04:37,778
Well, I'm sorry
to tell you that Bob Wilcot
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00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:40,614
is making his last appearance
with the panel until further notice,
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for the very interesting reason
that he's just been adopted
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00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:45,076
as Conservative candidate
for Earndale.
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00:04:47,913 --> 00:04:50,165
Bob, we shall miss you very much.
48
00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:51,875
Yes, indeed.
49
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They're always asking me.
50
00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:57,005
Thank you, Eamonn.
Thank you, Gilbert. Thank you.
51
00:04:57,088 --> 00:04:58,715
You've been with us
a long time now, Bob.
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00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:00,217
Over a year, Eamonn.
53
00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:02,135
Do you remember
your first TV appearance?
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00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:03,804
Oh, I certainly do.
55
00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:07,140
Well, before we begin,
we have a little surprise for you.
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00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:10,519
Hold tight, Bob.
57
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:13,647
You'd just come back
from the Combined Universities'
58
00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:16,274
Antarctic Research Expedition,
remember?
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Pity he doesn't
always wear a beard.
60
00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:21,696
You're the naturalist of the party,
I believe, Mr Wilcot.
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Er, yes. That is correct.
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Well, now,
what was it like down there?
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00:05:25,242 --> 00:05:28,119
Erm... What was it like?
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Cold.
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What was your job?
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00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:31,957
Erm...
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Well, I concentrated on various forms
of Antarctic life, you know,
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00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:38,672
erm, of Antarctic life.
69
00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:42,342
In fact, I, um...
Various forms of life in the Antarctic.
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00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:43,552
Including penguins?
71
00:05:43,635 --> 00:05:44,636
Oh, yes, yes.
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Penguins are very much
my cup of tea.
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Oh, purely scientifically speaking,
of course.
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00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:52,686
If one can have
a scientific cup of tea,
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00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:54,896
which I don't suppose
one can, really.
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00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:57,566
But, if you could, then I would.
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- What was the question again?
- What?
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00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,656
Well, you've come
a long way since that day, Bob.
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00:06:04,739 --> 00:06:07,617
- I was only a beginner then, Eamonn.
- Well, you all know the rest.
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00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:09,578
The following week,
he appeared on Tonight,
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00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:12,706
the week after that, he joined
the panel of What on Earth Was That?
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00:06:12,998 --> 00:06:15,000
And now he's plunging into politics.
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00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:18,753
I think, if it is felt,
in inviting one,
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00:06:18,837 --> 00:06:20,797
that one has something to offer,
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00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:23,008
then one should offer that something,
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whatever that something
may happen to be.
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Yes...
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Well, I'm-I'm sure you all
appreciate Bob's sincerity.
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00:06:34,311 --> 00:06:35,645
Well, now, we really must get on.
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00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:39,149
You all know the rules.
All against all. Highest score wins.
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00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:50,785
What on Earth was that?
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00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:53,455
Oh, some improbable rubbish.
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00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,749
Greyhound derby.
Summit conference.
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00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:58,752
Um... Fox terriers, perhaps?
95
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:00,629
Dog foxes.
96
00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:03,506
Well, Bob. What was that?
97
00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:08,303
Yes. Well, that was the
branta leucopsis or barnacle goose.
98
00:07:08,386 --> 00:07:10,764
It breeds in Greenland and Spitsbergen,
99
00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:13,391
and visits the Inner
and Outer Hebrides in winter.
100
00:07:13,475 --> 00:07:17,062
Absolutely correct!
101
00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:22,067
Aha! Well, me boy,
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00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:24,069
you certainly signed off
with a bang tonight, didn't you?
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00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:25,403
The luck was on my side, Gilbert.
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00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:26,696
- Here you are.
- No, thank you.
105
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,657
- When are you going to Earndale?
- Er, tomorrow morning.
106
00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:30,784
- Straight fight against Labour, isn't it?
- That's right.
107
00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:32,577
Ah. And who's your opponent?
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00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:34,287
- A Miss Stoker.
- Miss Stoker.
109
00:07:34,371 --> 00:07:36,706
- She ever appeared on television?
- Not that I know of.
110
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Well, that fixes her, doesn't it, eh?
You'll win in a canter.
111
00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:42,712
I always say the party
who'll win the next election,
112
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:45,715
is the one that nails its flag
to the television mast.
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00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:48,093
What's she like, this, er...
Miss Stoker?
114
00:07:48,176 --> 00:07:51,680
Oh, one of those bluestocking
battle-axes, I gather.
115
00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:54,224
- Thank you.
- One at a time, girls. Please.
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00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:55,642
There you go.
117
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,449
- Lovely fresh haddocks. Best quality.
- How much?
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00:08:11,533 --> 00:08:13,201
- Fifteen bob.
- Charge me twelve.
119
00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:14,494
- Do me a favour, will you?
- I'll give you thirteen.
120
00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:16,746
Now, look, the price is fifteen bob,
you fellas. It's not a penny less.
121
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:19,582
- I'll give you fourteen for five.
- They're yours. That's five away to you.
122
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:21,251
- Dad!
- Stella!
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00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:24,587
- Dad!
- Hello, Stella, girl.
124
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:25,880
- Leavin'?
- That's right, Jim.
125
00:08:25,964 --> 00:08:27,424
I'm just gonna say goodbye to Dad.
126
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:28,967
Stella's goin' now, Alf.
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00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:31,970
- Jim. Take over for a minute, will ya?
- Okay, Alf.
128
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,639
Try and get rid of them yellow cod.
I'll take half a quid.
129
00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:38,393
- So you're off to Earndale?
- Bill's driving me to the station.
130
00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:40,395
I wish I could pop down
there with you, Stella,
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00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:42,564
but I look like being in trouble
for the next week or two.
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- I'll manage.
- Yes, I'll bet you will.
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Not that I ever thought any daughter
of mine would put up for Parliament!
134
00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:50,321
We've always been
such a respectable family.
135
00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:54,242
Well, goodbye, Stella, love.
136
00:08:54,325 --> 00:08:56,494
And win or lose, I'm proud of you.
137
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Speech! Speech! Speech!
138
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I don't have the time.
139
00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:04,753
Well...
140
00:09:04,836 --> 00:09:07,464
I can't promise you I'll win,
because, well...
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00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,924
after all, it is my first try.
142
00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:12,135
But I will promise you one thing,
143
00:09:12,177 --> 00:09:14,429
and that is that I'll
put up a jolly good fight.
144
00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:16,056
You'll win, Stella!
145
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:20,977
See you in the House of Commons!
146
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:24,606
And don't forget
to take a tanner off the beer!
147
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Bye.
148
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,574
Oh, Bill, we'll never get out.
149
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:36,201
Oh, that's all right.
150
00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:43,083
What time d'you say your train was?
151
00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:45,668
- Half past.
- Oh, we'll do it easy.
152
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:49,964
All right?
153
00:09:58,306 --> 00:10:00,016
Telegraph and Mail, please.
154
00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:04,312
Bobby!
155
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,064
Darling!
156
00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:08,566
Annabel!
What are you doing here?
157
00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:11,402
You don't think I'd let you go
without seeing you off?
158
00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:13,154
Are you taking breakfast
in the diner, sir?
159
00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:15,406
- Um... Yes, that's right.
- I'll go and get you a seat.
160
00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:16,616
Righty-o.
161
00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:18,660
Darling, I'm thrilled
to the absolute marrow
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00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:20,411
that you've been chosen
to be an MP.
163
00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:23,331
I'm not an MP yet, Annabel, dear.
Just a candidate.
164
00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:26,960
But you're bound to get in, Bobby.
You're so frightfully attractive.
165
00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:28,336
Especially to me.
166
00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:31,339
Now, Annabel, you must not
start all that over again.
167
00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:33,716
It's not the real me
you feel that way about.
168
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,885
You're just mesmerised
by the public figure.
169
00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:38,721
Oh, Mr Wilcot,
may we just have a picture, sir?
170
00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:41,224
Oh, you think anybody's interested?
171
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:44,269
If the two of you
would just close up...
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00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:50,233
Is Miss Brentwood going down
to Earndale with you, Mr Wilcot?
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00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:51,901
Well, I'd simply love to.
174
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:54,195
No, no, no,
she's far too busy modelling.
175
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,991
- Two, sir?
- Er, no, just one, please.
176
00:10:58,074 --> 00:10:59,576
- This way, sir.
- Thank you.
177
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:04,330
Oh, there's a nice seat, Stell.
Sit down and, er...
178
00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:05,748
I'll go and get you
something to read.
179
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:07,625
Oh, the New Statesman
if they've got it, please, Bill.
180
00:11:07,709 --> 00:11:09,794
Okay. He's putting
your bags down the end.
181
00:11:09,878 --> 00:11:11,713
- Oh, right.
- I won't be a minute.
182
00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:17,635
Are you two expecting
to make any announcement?
183
00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:20,597
- What of?
- Oh, Bobby, really.
184
00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:22,891
Any announcement
would be premature.
185
00:11:22,974 --> 00:11:25,018
Well, just the teeniest bit premature.
186
00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:27,812
- We are merely good friends.
- Dear friends.
187
00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:30,481
I've reserved you a seat, sir.
Number five in the diner.
188
00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:31,733
Oh, thank you, porter.
189
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:34,444
- Well, thank you very much, Mr Wilcot.
- Right-o!
190
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,487
- There we are.
- Thank you, sir.
191
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:38,656
Well...
192
00:11:39,073 --> 00:11:41,576
Time I got on the train.
Bye-bye, Annabel.
193
00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:45,371
Oh, it's all right, darling.
I've got a platform ticket.
194
00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:47,790
Here you are, Stell.
195
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:49,959
The train's due to leave in a minute.
Anything else I can get you?
196
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:53,171
I don't think so.
It was sweet of you to see me off.
197
00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:55,381
What on Earth's this?
198
00:11:55,506 --> 00:11:57,175
Woman's Dream?
199
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,927
Oh, well...
I-I thought you'd might like it.
200
00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:02,639
There's an article on page ten
about, er, infant welfare.
201
00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:06,434
You know, in my opinion, you'd do well
to settle down and raise a family.
202
00:12:06,684 --> 00:12:10,605
- With your co-operation, I suppose.
- Well, that's the general idea.
203
00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:13,816
Oh, well, think it over anyway.
204
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,319
I have, Bill. You know that.
205
00:12:16,611 --> 00:12:21,115
Why won't you let me come up, Robert?
I'm madly keen to help the Liberals.
206
00:12:21,199 --> 00:12:23,618
Annabel,
I have mentioned this before, dear,
207
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,954
I'm not a Liberal, I'm a Conservative.
208
00:12:26,037 --> 00:12:27,664
Oh.
209
00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:30,416
Oh, well.
There I go, I'm afraid.
210
00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:31,709
Bye-bye, Annabel.
211
00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:37,131
I wish you luck, anyway and, er...
212
00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:39,217
Well, I'm always here
to turn to. You know that.
213
00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:42,136
Bye, Stell.
214
00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:46,182
Good luck.
215
00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:50,728
Oh, sorry.
216
00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:52,605
- That's all right.
- Au revoir, Robert.
217
00:12:54,691 --> 00:12:56,651
Tremendously good luck!
218
00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:11,916
- Morning.
- Good morning.
219
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,826
Breakfast, madam, sir?
220
00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:48,453
Yes.
221
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:49,662
Together or separate?
222
00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:50,788
- Separate.
- Separate.
223
00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:52,081
Taking the set breakfast?
224
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,000
- Only toast and tea, please.
- Just tea and toast, please.
225
00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:58,212
Tea and toast for two,
please, steward.
226
00:13:58,796 --> 00:14:00,256
We seem to have the same ideas.
227
00:14:00,465 --> 00:14:02,175
Yes, don't we?
228
00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:06,596
I never have a cooked breakfast, myself.
229
00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:08,765
Neither do I.
230
00:14:08,931 --> 00:14:11,434
I had to get used to
the simple life in the...
231
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:15,146
well, rather remote parts of the world
at one time or another.
232
00:14:15,229 --> 00:14:16,814
You've travelled a lot?
233
00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:19,776
Oh, here and there, you know.
To say nothing of everywhere.
234
00:14:23,654 --> 00:14:25,239
You don't watch TV?
235
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:28,951
Not since Dad threw the set
out of the window.
236
00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:32,830
Ah!
237
00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:46,636
Bilge!
238
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,472
Oh, I beg your pardon.
239
00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:52,517
- What? Is something wrong?
- No, it's...
240
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:57,063
It's just that it infuriates me, the trash
people write for women's magazines.
241
00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:58,231
What?
242
00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:01,067
"Love at Second Sight."
243
00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:03,277
Listen to this.
244
00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:04,987
"When Mélisande..."
245
00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:07,490
Mélisande, I ask you.
246
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:11,244
"When Mélisande saw Bartram
for the second time,
247
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:13,037
"a strange thing happened.
248
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:18,126
"It was as if all the natural sounds
of the day faded utterly away,
249
00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:22,880
"and, in their place, she distinctly heard
a gentle tintinnabulation
250
00:15:22,964 --> 00:15:25,383
"as of distant musical glasses."
251
00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:28,761
I must say, that's a bit much.
252
00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:31,264
When women are given
slush like that to drool over,
253
00:15:31,347 --> 00:15:33,891
how can they ever take
their proper place in the world?
254
00:15:33,975 --> 00:15:35,852
"Tintinnabulation"?
255
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:39,605
Well, it's not only slush,
it's unsound biologically.
256
00:15:40,064 --> 00:15:43,317
Love at first or even second sight
is a romantic fiction.
257
00:15:43,401 --> 00:15:44,652
I couldn't agree more.
258
00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:46,446
Man's selection of a mate
259
00:15:46,529 --> 00:15:48,781
and the display ritual
that goes with it
260
00:15:48,865 --> 00:15:51,701
has much in common with
the same manifestations in birdlife
261
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:53,911
as I know from my researches.
262
00:15:53,995 --> 00:15:56,080
Into... birdlife?
263
00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:57,582
Quite.
264
00:15:57,665 --> 00:15:59,709
Take penguins, for instance.
265
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:02,670
Sometimes, weeks go by
before they even pair off.
266
00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:04,755
Yes, but that's on ice.
267
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:07,675
Yes...
268
00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:11,095
Um...
You seem to know a lot about it.
269
00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:13,222
Oh, natural history's my subject.
270
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:16,684
Or rather, it was, until
the one-eyed monster got me.
271
00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:18,144
"One-eyed monster"?
272
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,104
- The television.
- Oh.
273
00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:24,984
- Television?
- That's right.
274
00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:27,487
And...
275
00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:28,821
penguins.
276
00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:32,575
- Then you must be...
- Ah, guilty.
277
00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:36,746
Yes. I'm Robert Wilcot, I'm afraid.
278
00:16:36,871 --> 00:16:39,916
It's extraordinary how I'm recognised
wherever I go these days.
279
00:16:40,041 --> 00:16:42,001
One of the penalties of, um...
280
00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:43,836
fame, one supposes.
281
00:16:44,086 --> 00:16:46,088
And you're going to Earndale
for the by-election?
282
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:47,632
Oh, I see you've heard about it.
283
00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:51,344
- Oh, yes.
- Here, that's me there, in the middle.
284
00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:53,804
Just underneath the main headline.
285
00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:57,808
Of course, I wouldn't exactly call myself
a political expert.
286
00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:01,354
Oh, wouldn't you?
287
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:11,572
Ah, Peterson.
288
00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:13,908
- You came straight here?
- Yes, in His Lordship's car.
289
00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:17,537
- And the press laid on?
- They'll soon be here, Mr Harding-Pratt.
290
00:17:28,798 --> 00:17:31,092
It's Bert Glimmer,
your opposite number.
291
00:17:31,175 --> 00:17:34,595
Very opposite, I fervently hope.
What's he doing here?
292
00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:37,056
Old Pompous Percy, eh?
293
00:17:37,265 --> 00:17:39,016
I wonder what he's up to.
294
00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:40,977
Top of the morning to you, old sport!
295
00:17:41,102 --> 00:17:43,354
Good day, Glimmer!
How are you?
296
00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:44,522
Little squirt.
297
00:17:46,941 --> 00:17:48,818
I hope our candidate's
going to be up to snuff.
298
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:50,111
He's smashing on the telly.
299
00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:52,947
That's not necessarily a sign
of political genius.
300
00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:55,950
And do you expect to
win this election, Mr Wilcot?
301
00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:58,411
Well, they seem to think
I have a good chance.
302
00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:01,455
Of course, there's an old family
connection with the seat there, you know.
303
00:18:01,539 --> 00:18:04,417
- Really?
- Mmm. My uncle lives at Wilcot Priory.
304
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:07,587
In fact, I rather fancy the old rascal
put my name up in the first place.
305
00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:10,214
"The old rascal" would be, um...
306
00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:12,216
- Lord Wilcot.
- That's right.
307
00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:15,011
Why, my ancestors used to
fix the elections there
308
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:16,971
when Earndale was a rotten borough.
309
00:18:17,054 --> 00:18:19,724
- Really?
- Not that I intend to bring that out.
310
00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:21,017
I don't blame you.
311
00:18:21,309 --> 00:18:24,312
Mind you, I don't know the first thing
about Earndale myself.
312
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:27,607
In fact, between you and me, I haven't
been to Earndale since I was eight.
313
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:30,109
Not that you intend
to bring that out either.
314
00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:33,487
Well, no point in playing into the
hands of the opposition, is there?
315
00:18:33,571 --> 00:18:35,323
No, of course not.
316
00:18:35,406 --> 00:18:38,451
By the way, should you be talking
like this to a complete stranger?
317
00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:41,203
Well, if you don't mind
my saying so,
318
00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:43,873
you're so awfully easy to talk to.
319
00:18:44,749 --> 00:18:46,459
Thank you.
320
00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:48,294
Talking of the opposition...
321
00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:52,048
- What about your opponent?
- Oh, the battle-axe?
322
00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:53,591
- What?
- Ah!
323
00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:55,259
Apparently she's one of
those bluestockings
324
00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:57,303
from the
London School of Economics.
325
00:18:57,386 --> 00:18:59,639
I don't know why there should be
always something slightly comic
326
00:18:59,722 --> 00:19:01,891
about the
London School of Economics.
327
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,476
Neither do I.
328
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:04,894
Mr Wilcot...
329
00:19:05,686 --> 00:19:07,521
Isn't it just possible that the electors
330
00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:09,815
might prefer a battle-axe
who knows her business
331
00:19:09,899 --> 00:19:11,692
to a TV type who doesn't?
332
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:16,405
Well, I say, that's a bit hard.
I'm willing to learn, you know. And...
333
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:19,617
well, after all, my name is
familiar in every home.
334
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:22,870
You could say the same
for almost any detergent.
335
00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:25,956
We're just coming
into Earndale now, sir.
336
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:27,083
Oh, are we?
337
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:30,294
Oh, er... I say,
I'm afraid I've talked an awful lot.
338
00:19:30,378 --> 00:19:32,755
- I do hope I haven't bored you.
- No, not at all.
339
00:19:32,797 --> 00:19:35,633
You have no idea
how fascinating this has been.
340
00:19:35,716 --> 00:19:37,259
- Are you getting off here too?
- Yes.
341
00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:38,886
Oh, good!
342
00:19:42,473 --> 00:19:44,016
Are you going to be in Earndale long?
343
00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:46,394
- About three weeks.
- Oh? Same here.
344
00:19:46,477 --> 00:19:48,270
Oh, we might meet again, then.
345
00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:49,897
We're bound to...
346
00:19:50,231 --> 00:19:51,565
run across each other.
347
00:19:51,649 --> 00:19:53,734
- Where are you staying?
- The Castle and Ball.
348
00:19:53,818 --> 00:19:56,487
I'm at the Bear. Well, at least tonight.
I'm staying with my uncle.
349
00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:59,031
Oh, I say, look, just a moment.
No, let me.
350
00:19:59,115 --> 00:20:00,991
- No, it's quite all right.
- No, really, I insist.
351
00:20:07,790 --> 00:20:09,166
Here she is.
352
00:20:13,671 --> 00:20:14,922
Here he is.
353
00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:23,305
What? It can't be.
He's with the Labour candidate.
354
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:25,182
- She's with the Tory.
- What?
355
00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:27,226
He's carrying her bags!
356
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:29,979
- Just a minute, sir.
- Oh.
357
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:32,398
I'm sorry about this.
It's always happening.
358
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:34,859
Would you look at the lady, sir?
359
00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:35,985
Do you mind?
360
00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:39,405
Here, wait a minute!
361
00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:41,323
And now one of the lady alone.
362
00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:42,950
- What?
- Hold it.
363
00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:44,952
Mr Wilcot, what are you doing?
364
00:20:45,035 --> 00:20:45,995
Thank you, Miss Stoker.
365
00:20:46,036 --> 00:20:47,997
- Stoker?
- She's the Socialist.
366
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,081
Socialist?
367
00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:51,208
Well done, Stella, old girl.
What an entrance, eh?
368
00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:53,753
Very nice of you
to carry her bags, old man.
369
00:20:53,836 --> 00:20:55,463
Very thoughtful.
370
00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:57,840
Mr Wilcot...
371
00:20:57,882 --> 00:20:59,341
I did warn you.
372
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,650
Well, she might have
told me who she was.
373
00:21:16,734 --> 00:21:19,153
Why?
This is warfare, Wilcot.
374
00:21:19,236 --> 00:21:21,906
You must learn to
look on Earndale as a jungle,
375
00:21:22,031 --> 00:21:25,159
with that fellow Glimmer
gibbering up the nearest tree.
376
00:21:25,326 --> 00:21:28,537
Blast his eyes. He's going to make
hay of this in the papers tomorrow.
377
00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:29,872
I'm awfully sorry.
378
00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:33,626
Oh, well. As long as you learn
from your first whiff of grapeshot.
379
00:21:33,793 --> 00:21:35,753
I hope you didn't
say anything indiscreet.
380
00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:37,087
Um...
381
00:21:37,171 --> 00:21:40,216
- No, no, no. I don't think so.
- Good.
382
00:21:44,637 --> 00:21:47,139
Oh, we're coming up to
the priory now. Remember it?
383
00:21:47,223 --> 00:21:48,390
Oh, very well.
384
00:21:48,474 --> 00:21:51,393
The lake, deer park,
Queen Elizabeth Room,
385
00:21:51,477 --> 00:21:53,938
so many historical associations.
386
00:21:54,021 --> 00:21:55,689
Hmm, yes. Mmm.
387
00:22:10,329 --> 00:22:12,706
Your uncle's a very remarkable man.
388
00:22:30,391 --> 00:22:33,102
I won't come in. I must get back.
I've got a lot to do.
389
00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:35,062
Press conference
first thing tomorrow morning.
390
00:22:35,187 --> 00:22:36,939
Here's the programme
for the first week.
391
00:22:37,022 --> 00:22:39,024
They'll collect you about eight-thirty.
I'll see you then.
392
00:22:39,108 --> 00:22:40,985
Right.
Thanks for everything.
393
00:22:53,747 --> 00:22:56,417
One complimentary.
His Lordship's orders.
394
00:22:57,835 --> 00:23:01,422
- You'll find His Lordship pottering about.
- Right, thank you very much.
395
00:23:17,646 --> 00:23:19,607
Leave that thing alone, Jimmy!
396
00:23:24,862 --> 00:23:27,323
Accrington and
Stockport parties, please!
397
00:23:32,411 --> 00:23:33,746
What party are you in?
398
00:23:33,829 --> 00:23:35,664
- Conservative.
- Oh.
399
00:23:35,915 --> 00:23:38,918
Any more from the
Accrington and Stockport parties?
400
00:23:39,001 --> 00:23:42,004
This way. Pass along, please.
This way. This way.
401
00:23:42,087 --> 00:23:44,506
Excuse me. Could you tell me
where I could find Lord Wilcot?
402
00:23:44,590 --> 00:23:46,216
In the kitchen, I expect.
403
00:23:46,884 --> 00:23:50,554
Accrington and Stockport parties,
this way, please!
404
00:24:07,488 --> 00:24:09,281
Um, Lord Wilcot?
405
00:24:09,365 --> 00:24:11,116
- What?
- Lord Wilcot.
406
00:24:11,241 --> 00:24:12,534
Hello.
407
00:24:12,618 --> 00:24:14,495
Oh! You must be Robert.
408
00:24:14,536 --> 00:24:16,205
Oh, come in, come in,
come in, come in, come in.
409
00:24:16,413 --> 00:24:18,165
Make yourself
really uncomfortable.
410
00:24:18,248 --> 00:24:19,667
How are you, sir?
411
00:24:20,250 --> 00:24:23,420
- So you're my nephew and heir.
- That's right, sir.
412
00:24:23,504 --> 00:24:26,340
Let me see.
When did we last meet?
413
00:24:26,757 --> 00:24:29,176
- When I was eight, sir.
- Really?
414
00:24:29,927 --> 00:24:31,220
You changed.
415
00:24:31,261 --> 00:24:33,555
I expect so.
416
00:24:34,056 --> 00:24:35,683
Well, now, let me see.
417
00:24:35,766 --> 00:24:37,434
Bacon and eggs suit you?
418
00:24:37,518 --> 00:24:40,187
I've been trying to fix
these darned fruit machines.
419
00:24:40,312 --> 00:24:42,106
They're paying out
far too many jackpots.
420
00:24:42,189 --> 00:24:45,275
- Won't do at all. Two eggs?
- Um, no, just one. Thank you, sir.
421
00:24:45,985 --> 00:24:47,861
Haven't you got a cook, Uncle?
422
00:24:47,945 --> 00:24:49,363
A cook? Ha!
423
00:24:49,446 --> 00:24:53,826
My dear boy, my staff is fully occupied
with Wilcot Entertainments Limited.
424
00:24:53,909 --> 00:24:57,079
I expect to have a bumper season,
thanks to you.
425
00:24:57,162 --> 00:24:58,330
Thanks to me?
426
00:24:58,414 --> 00:24:59,456
Yes.
427
00:24:59,581 --> 00:25:02,209
Recommending you as a candidate
was my biggest brainwave.
428
00:25:02,292 --> 00:25:03,711
I don't quite follow you, sir.
429
00:25:03,794 --> 00:25:08,132
Well, with famous TV personality
Bobby Wilcot as a candidate,
430
00:25:08,215 --> 00:25:10,634
Wilcot Priory is bound to get
a tremendous boost.
431
00:25:11,176 --> 00:25:13,429
Oh, there are endless possibilities.
432
00:25:13,804 --> 00:25:16,974
I intend to revive the old-fashioned
hustings here in the grounds.
433
00:25:17,057 --> 00:25:19,143
We could charge at least a shilling a time
for your autograph.
434
00:25:19,226 --> 00:25:20,477
Tanner to me, tanner to you.
435
00:25:20,561 --> 00:25:21,562
Uncle!
436
00:25:22,062 --> 00:25:24,023
Do you mean to say that you
recommended me to the party
437
00:25:24,106 --> 00:25:25,941
for sordid financial reasons?
438
00:25:26,775 --> 00:25:27,860
Why "sordid"?
439
00:25:29,611 --> 00:25:31,947
Oh, but surely, Uncle...
Well, as a Conservative...
440
00:25:32,031 --> 00:25:34,241
Oh, but I'm not anymore.
441
00:25:34,366 --> 00:25:36,910
No, I'm neutral.
442
00:25:37,077 --> 00:25:39,872
Got to be with fifty coachloads a year
from the Co-op, hmm?
443
00:25:39,955 --> 00:25:43,125
Uncle, I am finding this
acutely embarrassing.
444
00:25:43,167 --> 00:25:46,628
My dear boy, you can't make an omelette
without breaking eggs.
445
00:25:46,712 --> 00:25:47,755
With respect, sir,
446
00:25:47,838 --> 00:25:49,882
I did not come up here
to fight this election
447
00:25:49,965 --> 00:25:52,134
purely to advertise
your country seat.
448
00:25:52,718 --> 00:25:56,138
Anything that benefits me
must benefit the election,
449
00:25:56,221 --> 00:25:57,306
so what on Earth
are you worrying about?
450
00:25:57,389 --> 00:26:00,142
- Uncle...
- There, there, I understand, my boy.
451
00:26:00,225 --> 00:26:03,312
You want to serve your country
and so you shall.
452
00:26:05,105 --> 00:26:07,649
This is all so disillusioning.
453
00:27:15,467 --> 00:27:17,427
Hmm. Fuse.
454
00:27:33,861 --> 00:27:36,530
Hello, my boy.
What can I do for you, hmm?
455
00:27:38,740 --> 00:27:40,409
The fuse has gone
in my room, Uncle.
456
00:27:41,827 --> 00:27:43,412
No, that's no fuse.
457
00:27:43,495 --> 00:27:45,581
It needs another
shilling in the meter.
458
00:27:45,706 --> 00:27:48,417
- Meter?
- Mmm, they're in all the bedrooms now.
459
00:27:49,126 --> 00:27:51,044
Do you need a shilling?
Here you are.
460
00:27:52,546 --> 00:27:53,797
Thank you.
461
00:27:54,715 --> 00:27:57,134
Uncle?
462
00:27:57,217 --> 00:27:59,261
What are my chances
in the election, really?
463
00:28:00,179 --> 00:28:01,930
Oh, touch and go, I'd say.
464
00:28:02,431 --> 00:28:03,891
I see.
465
00:28:03,974 --> 00:28:06,310
- Thank you very much, Uncle.
- Er, Robert...
466
00:28:07,811 --> 00:28:10,814
Robert, we're all
governed by dead ideas,
467
00:28:10,898 --> 00:28:14,568
but when it comes to party programmes,
an idea has not merely to be dead,
468
00:28:14,651 --> 00:28:18,322
but to have lost all meaning before
it has any chance of being adopted
469
00:28:18,655 --> 00:28:20,115
with real enthusiasm.
470
00:28:21,116 --> 00:28:22,576
Remember that, my boy.
471
00:28:23,452 --> 00:28:25,829
It'll get you absolutely nowhere.
472
00:28:26,455 --> 00:28:29,082
A hundred and four pounds,
two and eightpence for the day's total.
473
00:28:29,791 --> 00:28:32,294
Well above average
for this time of year, hmm?
474
00:28:32,377 --> 00:28:35,672
Well, sleep well, my boy.
You can pay me back in the morning.
475
00:28:37,758 --> 00:28:39,885
- Good night, Uncle.
- Good night, Robert.
476
00:29:20,634 --> 00:29:22,719
Hardy the chauffeur, sir.
477
00:29:22,803 --> 00:29:26,306
Couple of Americans in the
Queen Elizabeth Room tonight, sir,
478
00:29:26,390 --> 00:29:28,225
so we're laying on
all the trimmings.
479
00:29:28,684 --> 00:29:30,936
Bring you a cup of tea
at seven-thirty?
480
00:29:31,812 --> 00:29:33,730
Good night, Mr Robert.
481
00:29:55,377 --> 00:29:57,170
"Carry Your Bag, Ma'am?"
482
00:29:57,254 --> 00:30:00,674
This is how the Earndale Express,
which is the local left-wing paper,
483
00:30:00,757 --> 00:30:03,385
features the little incident
earlier in the week.
484
00:30:04,219 --> 00:30:06,555
"TV Galahad Comes to Earndale."
485
00:30:07,180 --> 00:30:10,809
Needless to say, the Earndale Advertiser
is the right-wing paper,
486
00:30:11,268 --> 00:30:13,687
which takes an exactly opposite view.
487
00:30:14,479 --> 00:30:15,647
Well, viewers, as I said,
488
00:30:15,731 --> 00:30:18,066
today is nomination day
in the Earndale by-election,
489
00:30:18,150 --> 00:30:19,151
and, at any moment now,
490
00:30:19,234 --> 00:30:20,902
the candidates will be
handing in their papers
491
00:30:20,986 --> 00:30:22,988
together with their deposits, and...
492
00:30:23,572 --> 00:30:25,198
Oh, and there's a car
coming here now.
493
00:30:28,327 --> 00:30:30,871
It is Bob Wilcot,
the Tory candidate!
494
00:30:32,539 --> 00:30:34,583
How does it feel to be
a Tory candidate, Mr Wilcot?
495
00:30:34,666 --> 00:30:35,792
Absolutely splendid.
496
00:30:35,876 --> 00:30:38,545
I expect you find all this very different
from the panel game, eh, sir?
497
00:30:38,628 --> 00:30:40,172
Oh, well, yes, I do, but...
498
00:30:40,255 --> 00:30:42,341
Well, I'm sure I shall find
the right answers here, too.
499
00:30:49,681 --> 00:30:52,059
I see your opponent, Miss Stoker,
has just arrived.
500
00:30:52,142 --> 00:30:53,352
See if you can get her, Jack.
501
00:30:53,435 --> 00:30:57,564
Would you care to say anything about
the little incident earlier in the week?
502
00:30:57,647 --> 00:30:59,024
I would just like to say this.
503
00:30:59,107 --> 00:31:00,776
A rather clumsy attempt
has been made
504
00:31:00,859 --> 00:31:03,487
to take advantage of a perfectly
ordinary piece of good manners,
505
00:31:03,612 --> 00:31:05,322
but I bear no malice whatsoever.
506
00:31:05,447 --> 00:31:08,116
I intend to fight this election
without mudslinging,
507
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:10,702
in a true sporting spirit
of fair play.
508
00:31:10,786 --> 00:31:12,120
- Bravo, bravo.
- Bravo!
509
00:31:12,204 --> 00:31:13,955
That's the idea.
Put them in the wrong.
510
00:31:14,289 --> 00:31:17,793
- Have you any comment, Miss Stoker?
- I certainly have.
511
00:31:18,794 --> 00:31:21,630
What is a true sporting spirit?
512
00:31:22,255 --> 00:31:25,050
I don't know and neither does he.
513
00:31:25,717 --> 00:31:28,804
It's simply a meaningless catchphrase,
a piece of...
514
00:31:28,887 --> 00:31:31,473
immature political goo.
515
00:31:32,057 --> 00:31:33,266
As for mudslinging...
516
00:31:33,934 --> 00:31:35,685
mud can only be slung
where there's any to sling,
517
00:31:35,769 --> 00:31:37,562
and where there's mud to sling,
518
00:31:37,687 --> 00:31:42,692
I assure Mr Wilcot that I intend
to sling it in no uncertain manner.
519
00:31:43,902 --> 00:31:45,904
And I hope some of it sticks.
520
00:31:45,987 --> 00:31:47,280
I may be young,
521
00:31:47,364 --> 00:31:49,366
I may be inexperienced,
522
00:31:49,449 --> 00:31:50,367
I may be a woman,
523
00:31:50,450 --> 00:31:52,911
but let me tell you,
I am a professional.
524
00:32:06,007 --> 00:32:07,634
A hundred and fifty years ago,
525
00:32:07,717 --> 00:32:12,305
Earndale was a rotten borough
controlled by a Wilcot.
526
00:32:12,889 --> 00:32:16,560
Now, we have the last of the line here,
pretending to be a local man, when,
527
00:32:16,601 --> 00:32:17,894
let me tell you,
528
00:32:17,978 --> 00:32:21,314
he hasn't seen Earndale
since he was eight.
529
00:32:21,398 --> 00:32:24,860
No, Mr Wilcot,
this is not cricket
530
00:32:24,901 --> 00:32:26,903
but war to the knife.
531
00:32:27,487 --> 00:32:29,030
- Hear, hear!
- Bravo, bravo!
532
00:32:34,119 --> 00:32:35,412
Come along, Wilcot.
533
00:32:37,122 --> 00:32:38,540
Well, come along!
534
00:32:38,582 --> 00:32:41,334
- The nomination. You know.
- Oh, yes.
535
00:32:46,089 --> 00:32:47,174
If she wants war to the knife,
536
00:32:47,257 --> 00:32:48,425
she shall have war to the knife.
537
00:32:48,467 --> 00:32:49,759
Mud and all.
538
00:32:49,843 --> 00:32:52,679
Carry the attack to her.
Don't you agree, Mr Wilcot?
539
00:32:53,305 --> 00:32:54,931
Don't you agree, Mr Wilcot?
540
00:32:58,018 --> 00:33:00,353
Oh, yes.
Oh, yes. Yes, rather, rather.
541
00:33:00,437 --> 00:33:02,898
If she wants the gloves off,
she shall have the gloves off.
542
00:33:02,981 --> 00:33:05,484
Here's to mud in her eye.
543
00:33:05,567 --> 00:33:08,361
Dig up all the information you can
about the girl, Peterson.
544
00:33:08,445 --> 00:33:09,362
Very good, H-P.
545
00:33:10,030 --> 00:33:12,240
She was London School of Economics,
wasn't she?
546
00:33:12,324 --> 00:33:14,701
That's always good for a crack.
Why, I can't think.
547
00:33:14,784 --> 00:33:15,911
Neither can I.
548
00:33:17,204 --> 00:33:18,580
How about fish?
549
00:33:19,289 --> 00:33:22,250
- Fish?
- Her father is a fish merchant.
550
00:33:22,334 --> 00:33:25,504
If Mr Wilcot could work in
something about crying, stinking fish,
551
00:33:25,587 --> 00:33:27,130
it would go down rather well, I feel.
552
00:33:30,550 --> 00:33:32,844
Well, I mean,
fish is always funny.
553
00:33:32,928 --> 00:33:35,722
Why?
We all eat fish, don't we?
554
00:33:35,805 --> 00:33:37,891
How's this for a slogan, H-P?
555
00:33:37,974 --> 00:33:40,685
"The Labour Party is frying tonight."
556
00:33:41,478 --> 00:33:44,147
I think we should reserve that
for election day.
557
00:33:45,982 --> 00:33:49,069
Meanwhile, I'm sure you all agree
that we have a fine candidate
558
00:33:49,152 --> 00:33:52,531
even if we haven't made
one of the most fortunate of starts.
559
00:33:52,614 --> 00:33:53,740
Now, to business.
560
00:33:53,823 --> 00:33:56,368
Peterson, will you read out
the rest of the week's programme?
561
00:33:56,451 --> 00:33:58,620
Tomorrow, ten o'clock,
press conference.
562
00:33:58,662 --> 00:34:00,747
Eleven o'clock,
visit to almshouse,
563
00:34:00,830 --> 00:34:03,416
Mr Wilcot will speak
to old-age pensioners.
564
00:34:03,500 --> 00:34:05,502
Television cameras will be laid on.
565
00:34:06,002 --> 00:34:08,380
Twelve-thirty,
lunch at Young Farmers' Club.
566
00:34:08,421 --> 00:34:11,550
Two-thirty to four,
canvassing in South Street ward.
567
00:34:11,633 --> 00:34:14,886
Five o'clock, Smith & Hendrix Factory.
Six o'clock...
568
00:34:15,428 --> 00:34:17,097
return to base.
569
00:34:18,139 --> 00:34:19,808
...under starter's orders.
570
00:34:19,975 --> 00:34:22,769
They're under starter's orders now.
Coming up to the tapes.
571
00:34:22,852 --> 00:34:25,272
A very nice line-up...
and they're off!
572
00:34:25,397 --> 00:34:27,857
Good afternoon, everybody.
573
00:34:27,941 --> 00:34:32,946
In a moment, Robert Wilcot,
your Conservative candidate,
574
00:34:33,029 --> 00:34:35,115
...will be walking down this street
575
00:34:35,156 --> 00:34:36,992
to show himself to you
576
00:34:37,158 --> 00:34:41,496
and undoubtedly there are many of you
who would like to meet him.
577
00:34:41,580 --> 00:34:42,622
Thank you.
578
00:34:45,667 --> 00:34:48,420
Our canvassers have marked
the likely names and addresses.
579
00:34:48,461 --> 00:34:50,547
Put down a "C"
if they'll vote for you,
580
00:34:50,630 --> 00:34:52,924
"S" for Socialist,
and "D" for doubtful.
581
00:34:53,008 --> 00:34:54,926
"C" for me, "S" for her.
582
00:34:55,010 --> 00:34:57,679
- "D" for doubtful.
- "D" for doubtful.
583
00:34:57,762 --> 00:35:00,307
I'll drift along behind and
winkle 'em out with the old voice box.
584
00:35:00,390 --> 00:35:02,225
- All right?
- Right.
585
00:35:04,728 --> 00:35:05,895
Your candidate,
586
00:35:05,979 --> 00:35:07,981
Bob Wilcot of TV fame...
587
00:35:08,064 --> 00:35:11,735
is now walking down this street
to call on you.
588
00:35:11,776 --> 00:35:13,361
Vote for Wilcot.
589
00:35:13,570 --> 00:35:16,489
The man who knows
exactly what he's doing.
590
00:35:18,408 --> 00:35:21,661
- Mr Reeves?
- Why don't you fit a blasted suppressor?!
591
00:35:31,713 --> 00:35:33,214
Vote for Wilcot,
592
00:35:33,298 --> 00:35:37,010
the man who will stop at nothing
to defend your interest.
593
00:35:37,052 --> 00:35:38,970
Come on, here.
On this side.
594
00:35:39,054 --> 00:35:40,722
There, how about that, eh?
How...
595
00:35:44,934 --> 00:35:48,355
Vote for Wilcot, the housewife's choice.
596
00:35:48,438 --> 00:35:49,773
Oh, Mrs Maggs?
597
00:35:49,856 --> 00:35:51,524
Oh!
598
00:35:51,608 --> 00:35:54,402
Oh, I know you, don't I?
599
00:35:54,486 --> 00:35:56,154
- I know who you are.
- Oh, do you?
600
00:35:56,237 --> 00:35:58,281
- You're Bobby Wallcode.
- That's right.
601
00:35:58,365 --> 00:36:00,742
- Now...
- Oh, I am pleased to see you.
602
00:36:00,825 --> 00:36:03,286
You look just like
you do on the telly.
603
00:36:03,370 --> 00:36:04,746
- Do I?
- Yes.
604
00:36:04,954 --> 00:36:08,541
We turn you on every week.
Regular like clockwork.
605
00:36:08,625 --> 00:36:10,251
We wouldn't miss you for the world.
606
00:36:11,670 --> 00:36:13,755
I always say you're just like
one of the family.
607
00:36:14,422 --> 00:36:16,716
Oh, then I'm sure
I can rely on your vote.
608
00:36:18,134 --> 00:36:20,011
Oh, no, I couldn't do that.
609
00:36:20,095 --> 00:36:23,515
- What?
- Oh no, I couldn't do anything like that.
610
00:36:23,556 --> 00:36:25,225
Mrs Maggs!
611
00:36:26,184 --> 00:36:28,687
- Mrs Maggs!
- I couldn't do a thing like that.
612
00:36:51,751 --> 00:36:53,461
Oh, Mr Smithson?
613
00:36:53,545 --> 00:36:55,171
May I introduce myself?
614
00:36:55,296 --> 00:36:57,257
I am your Conservative candidate.
615
00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:01,803
Yes, I'm Robert Wilcot.
616
00:37:02,011 --> 00:37:02,929
I see.
617
00:37:04,264 --> 00:37:07,642
Just showing myself
to my supporters, you know.
618
00:37:08,727 --> 00:37:09,853
I see.
619
00:37:11,896 --> 00:37:14,190
Well, thank you very much.
620
00:37:30,790 --> 00:37:32,125
Mr Wilcot!
621
00:37:32,959 --> 00:37:35,879
You know we're due at the factory
in a couple of minutes?
622
00:37:35,962 --> 00:37:37,213
Oh, yes.
623
00:37:39,924 --> 00:37:41,926
- Getting any results?
- Oh, yes.
624
00:37:42,886 --> 00:37:44,220
Definitely.
625
00:37:46,681 --> 00:37:48,099
I've been working on
one or two thoughts.
626
00:37:48,183 --> 00:37:50,059
How's this for a point?
627
00:37:50,226 --> 00:37:54,022
"My fair opponent may have learned
at the London School of Economics
628
00:37:54,105 --> 00:37:56,816
"how many red herrings make five.
629
00:37:56,900 --> 00:38:01,321
"That seems no reason for introducing
Billingsgate methods into this contest."
630
00:38:01,404 --> 00:38:03,656
- Pretty good, hmm?
- Yes, but...
631
00:38:03,740 --> 00:38:05,366
Why do we have to
be so personal?
632
00:38:05,492 --> 00:38:07,535
Well, she started it, didn't she?
633
00:38:08,161 --> 00:38:12,081
I feel "how many red herrings make five"
is a particularly happy touch.
634
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:17,504
Well, we'll reserve it for your uncle's
hustings. Oh, here we are.
635
00:38:18,505 --> 00:38:20,131
Hello, everybody!
636
00:38:20,215 --> 00:38:25,011
Here is your Conservative candidate
Robert Wilcot to speak to you.
637
00:38:31,434 --> 00:38:33,937
- Well, here we are.
- You speak from the Land Rover.
638
00:38:34,020 --> 00:38:35,522
- Thank you, Mr Egerton.
- Good day, Mrs Samson.
639
00:38:35,647 --> 00:38:37,232
Good day, Mr Harding-Pratt.
640
00:38:38,358 --> 00:38:39,984
Autographs after the meeting,
thank you, madam.
641
00:38:40,068 --> 00:38:41,444
Now, don't forget,
everybody knows you.
642
00:38:41,528 --> 00:38:43,947
Just relax,
imagine you're on television.
643
00:38:45,782 --> 00:38:47,784
- My friends.
- Hello, Bobby boy!
644
00:38:49,285 --> 00:38:52,956
My friends,
I feel I can call you that because...
645
00:38:53,039 --> 00:38:56,835
after all, I have appeared
in so many of your homes.
646
00:38:58,127 --> 00:38:59,629
In fact, when I leave here,
647
00:38:59,712 --> 00:39:02,423
I hope that nobody will turn
to his neighbour and say,
648
00:39:02,507 --> 00:39:03,925
"What on Earth was that?"
649
00:39:07,136 --> 00:39:10,974
Well, I have come here
so that I can see you and...
650
00:39:11,057 --> 00:39:13,977
so that you can see
what sort of a fellow I am.
651
00:39:14,644 --> 00:39:16,980
Well, now, what is the policy
that I stand for?
652
00:39:17,021 --> 00:39:18,731
Vote Labour!
653
00:39:19,983 --> 00:39:25,238
Gather round, lads and lassies,
and listen to your Labour candidate.
654
00:39:26,698 --> 00:39:28,950
What you mean by trespassing
on our territory?
655
00:39:28,992 --> 00:39:30,451
Trespassing, old dear?
This is our pitch.
656
00:39:30,577 --> 00:39:33,830
- It's in our programme. Time and place.
- Free country, isn't it?
657
00:39:33,872 --> 00:39:36,624
Do you realise that, without some sort
of elementary give and take,
658
00:39:36,708 --> 00:39:38,459
the whole thing will become
an absolute shambles!
659
00:39:38,543 --> 00:39:41,212
Oh, that's right, cock.
You give way, we take your place.
660
00:39:42,338 --> 00:39:43,882
We're not shifting an inch!
661
00:39:43,965 --> 00:39:45,967
Please yourself, old darling,
please yourself.
662
00:39:46,050 --> 00:39:47,594
Hello, everybody.
663
00:39:47,677 --> 00:39:51,890
This is Stella Stoker,
your only professional candidate.
664
00:39:54,183 --> 00:39:57,020
I don't know what you can
think of me, because...
665
00:39:57,145 --> 00:39:59,981
I've never been on a TV programme.
666
00:40:00,773 --> 00:40:02,525
I've never been to the Antarctic...
667
00:40:02,609 --> 00:40:04,027
Carry on, Wilcot. Don't falter!
668
00:40:04,152 --> 00:40:07,530
- And I've only seen a penguin at the zoo.
- What is the policy that I stand for?
669
00:40:07,614 --> 00:40:10,116
- I stand for free enterprise, and I am...
- So I must be
670
00:40:10,199 --> 00:40:11,367
- a dead loss...
- ...not ashamed of having been
671
00:40:11,451 --> 00:40:12,952
- to the Antarctic.
- ...by Tory standards here.
672
00:40:20,293 --> 00:40:24,464
You, the electorate, are therefore
faced with a clear choice
673
00:40:24,547 --> 00:40:26,633
between my Labour
opponent and myself.
674
00:40:26,716 --> 00:40:29,260
- Fair play!
- And all you have to do
675
00:40:29,344 --> 00:40:32,347
- is to decide between...
- Free speech!
676
00:40:32,555 --> 00:40:36,351
The eyes of the country
are upon Earndale at this moment.
677
00:40:36,476 --> 00:40:37,685
Be British!
678
00:40:37,769 --> 00:40:40,063
...problems of the working people
679
00:40:40,188 --> 00:40:41,731
- of Great Britain.
- Rubbish!
680
00:40:41,814 --> 00:40:43,483
The Conservative Party
681
00:40:43,608 --> 00:40:46,486
- has a proud tradition...
- As for myself, I have no doubt...
682
00:40:46,653 --> 00:40:48,154
I am determined to make
683
00:40:48,279 --> 00:40:50,907
myself heard,
and nothing is going to stop me!
684
00:40:50,990 --> 00:40:52,951
...going to stop me...
stop me... stop me...
685
00:40:53,034 --> 00:40:53,826
Oh.
686
00:40:53,952 --> 00:40:56,162
You can carry on, Wilcot. It's all yours.
687
00:40:56,245 --> 00:40:58,790
What is the policy I stand for?
688
00:40:58,831 --> 00:41:00,667
Well, don't ask them!
Tell them!
689
00:41:00,750 --> 00:41:02,543
Look at this, my friends!
690
00:41:02,627 --> 00:41:05,672
Sabotage!
Are we gonna stand for sabotage?
691
00:41:05,797 --> 00:41:07,131
No!
692
00:41:07,256 --> 00:41:10,426
Does he think
he can shout us down?
693
00:41:10,510 --> 00:41:11,928
No!
694
00:41:12,929 --> 00:41:16,808
My party stands, and I stand...
695
00:41:16,891 --> 00:41:20,353
Loudspeaker or no loudspeaker, if this...
696
00:41:20,436 --> 00:41:24,190
ROBERT: I stand for free speech...
697
00:41:25,858 --> 00:41:28,611
Vote Labour! Vote Labour!
698
00:41:28,695 --> 00:41:31,364
Freedom of speech!
Freedom of speech!
699
00:41:32,281 --> 00:41:33,866
Up the Labour Party!
700
00:41:38,496 --> 00:41:40,039
Silence!
701
00:41:41,082 --> 00:41:43,084
Silence!
702
00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:45,169
Thank you.
703
00:41:47,088 --> 00:41:48,464
To resume,
704
00:41:48,756 --> 00:41:51,009
What is the policy that I stand for?
705
00:41:52,552 --> 00:41:54,846
I stand for free enterprise
706
00:41:55,304 --> 00:41:56,931
and freedom of speech!
707
00:42:04,355 --> 00:42:09,152
The issues are therefore clear-cut
as these two parties face each other.
708
00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:11,571
You, the electorate, are faced
709
00:42:12,196 --> 00:42:16,284
with a clear choice between
my Labour opponent and myself.
710
00:43:46,749 --> 00:43:48,459
Stella...
711
00:43:57,510 --> 00:43:59,345
"I'm not saying that Mr Wilcot
712
00:43:59,428 --> 00:44:01,139
"couldn't manage
to guess the right answer
713
00:44:01,222 --> 00:44:03,349
"in some daft panel game,
714
00:44:03,432 --> 00:44:05,977
"or cure a penguin
of a sick headache,
715
00:44:06,102 --> 00:44:09,647
"but will that pay the rent
for a single old-age pensioner?"
716
00:44:09,981 --> 00:44:11,440
How's that, Stell?
717
00:44:11,858 --> 00:44:14,652
Do we have to go on
being personal all the time?
718
00:44:14,735 --> 00:44:18,197
Well, that's the whole idea of hustings.
Slanging match.
719
00:44:18,281 --> 00:44:20,867
"Cure a penguin of a sick headache."
720
00:44:20,908 --> 00:44:23,953
One of my best bon mots,
although I say it myself.
721
00:44:32,044 --> 00:44:37,008
It is now my pleasure
to present to you Miss Stella Stoker,
722
00:44:37,133 --> 00:44:38,676
the Labour candidate.
723
00:44:38,926 --> 00:44:42,471
Mr Wilcot may be able
to cure a sick penguin...
724
00:44:43,723 --> 00:44:45,641
Anyway, I'm sure he'd try and...
725
00:44:45,766 --> 00:44:48,895
we all know what brilliant guesses
he makes on TV.
726
00:44:49,562 --> 00:44:53,232
But will this help
a single old-age pensioner?
727
00:44:54,066 --> 00:44:57,278
Oh, I know he wants to help them,
but, I mean...
728
00:44:57,361 --> 00:44:59,280
Well... will it?
729
00:45:01,991 --> 00:45:06,579
My fair opponent may have learned
how many red herrings make five
730
00:45:06,662 --> 00:45:08,873
at the London School of Economics,
731
00:45:08,956 --> 00:45:11,334
and all credit to her
for having made her way there
732
00:45:11,417 --> 00:45:12,877
entirely through her own efforts.
733
00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:17,048
But that is no reason
for resorting to Billingsgate methods.
734
00:45:17,590 --> 00:45:23,429
Though I am sure they are being forced
upon her by others less scrupulous.
735
00:45:25,514 --> 00:45:29,352
Well, now, it's time we came
to the question of policy.
736
00:45:29,435 --> 00:45:32,355
What my party intends to do.
737
00:45:32,396 --> 00:45:35,358
What I intend to do,
if I'm elected.
738
00:45:35,483 --> 00:45:38,110
Er, I beg your pardon. I mean...
739
00:45:38,194 --> 00:45:40,029
when I am elected.
740
00:45:43,449 --> 00:45:44,825
Psst!
741
00:45:45,701 --> 00:45:47,828
Thank you! Thank you. Thank you.
742
00:45:48,746 --> 00:45:51,082
- Latest figures, my Lord.
- Yes, Hardy.
743
00:45:51,207 --> 00:45:54,877
Car park: twenty-five pounds ten.
Coaches: sixty-seven pounds.
744
00:45:54,961 --> 00:45:57,546
Bicycles:
twelve pounds fifteen.
745
00:45:57,672 --> 00:46:00,341
That's an all-time record to date,
my Lord.
746
00:46:00,424 --> 00:46:02,218
Good man, Hardy.
Keep me posted.
747
00:46:04,720 --> 00:46:08,891
To resume,
it is my sincere belief
748
00:46:08,975 --> 00:46:11,852
that our programme
cannot be approached
749
00:46:11,936 --> 00:46:14,272
by that of
any other political party.
750
00:46:14,397 --> 00:46:15,439
Hear, hear!
751
00:46:15,523 --> 00:46:18,025
And when I have outlined
that programme to you,
752
00:46:18,109 --> 00:46:21,696
I feel confident
that you will agree with me.
753
00:46:22,947 --> 00:46:24,907
Item one...
754
00:46:24,991 --> 00:46:25,992
Housing!
755
00:46:26,033 --> 00:46:28,869
Hear, hear! Housing!
756
00:46:32,707 --> 00:46:35,167
Thank you, my boy.
Thank you, indeed.
757
00:46:35,251 --> 00:46:36,502
A top-hole speech.
758
00:46:37,044 --> 00:46:40,131
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
question time will come later.
759
00:46:40,214 --> 00:46:41,716
In the meantime,
there will be an interval
760
00:46:41,799 --> 00:46:44,844
for the splendid, self-service teas
in the priory cellars.
761
00:46:44,969 --> 00:46:48,764
And don't forget that both candidates,
at four-fifty precisely,
762
00:46:48,848 --> 00:46:52,476
will be visiting the magnificent sideshows
provided for your entertainment.
763
00:46:52,601 --> 00:46:55,271
That's all. Off you go
and enjoy yourselves.
764
00:46:55,354 --> 00:46:56,439
Item one...
765
00:46:56,981 --> 00:46:59,442
Housing!
766
00:46:59,734 --> 00:47:01,861
All right, then. Item two...
767
00:47:04,113 --> 00:47:06,324
Come along, now.
Roll up, roll up.
768
00:47:06,407 --> 00:47:08,659
Here's your chance to silence the speaker
769
00:47:08,743 --> 00:47:11,537
or... or puncture
the chancellor of the exchequer.
770
00:47:13,247 --> 00:47:15,041
Splendid shooting, my boy.
771
00:47:15,124 --> 00:47:17,126
He's winged the prime minister.
772
00:47:18,085 --> 00:47:20,588
Have another bob's worth.
Only a shilling a time.
773
00:47:20,671 --> 00:47:24,216
Come along now.
Demolish your political opponents.
774
00:47:24,300 --> 00:47:27,511
Three balls for sixpence
but seven for a shilling.
775
00:47:28,262 --> 00:47:30,473
Oh, bad luck, Miss Stoker!
776
00:47:30,556 --> 00:47:32,141
Come along now, Robert.
You have a go.
777
00:47:32,224 --> 00:47:33,768
This is an absolute rap, Uncle.
778
00:47:33,851 --> 00:47:35,644
Yes, isn't it wonderful?
779
00:47:35,728 --> 00:47:37,646
Down with the Tories!
780
00:47:39,357 --> 00:47:40,649
Oh!
781
00:47:41,859 --> 00:47:45,696
Walk up, walk up, and solve
the mystery of the Westminster Maze.
782
00:47:45,821 --> 00:47:48,574
All you have to do is to
test your political know-how
783
00:47:48,657 --> 00:47:50,076
by finding your way in
784
00:47:50,201 --> 00:47:52,453
and then finding your way
out again. That's all.
785
00:47:52,536 --> 00:47:54,372
Robert, my boy. Forward!
786
00:47:54,663 --> 00:47:57,208
Have you no shame at all, Uncle?
787
00:47:57,750 --> 00:47:59,835
Not... Not enough to notice.
788
00:47:59,919 --> 00:48:01,504
But seriously, Robert,
you ought to have a go.
789
00:48:01,587 --> 00:48:03,589
It's a remarkably ingenious
bit of designing.
790
00:48:03,672 --> 00:48:06,467
It was built by my great-grandfather
as a refuge...
791
00:48:06,550 --> 00:48:08,719
from my great-grandmother.
Oh, it worked, too!
792
00:48:08,803 --> 00:48:10,513
I want to get back
onto the platform!
793
00:48:10,596 --> 00:48:13,307
Robert, Robert, the filly is
approaching the starting gate.
794
00:48:13,391 --> 00:48:15,434
Are you going to stay in the paddock?
795
00:48:18,145 --> 00:48:20,856
She's wasted in politics, that girl.
796
00:48:21,732 --> 00:48:23,901
Oh, if I were only...
Let me see now,
797
00:48:24,235 --> 00:48:25,945
forty-five years younger.
798
00:48:33,077 --> 00:48:36,997
I'd better go in with him. I'm seriously
concerned about his fighting spirit.
799
00:48:37,081 --> 00:48:38,791
You stay with His Lordship
and, for Heaven's sake,
800
00:48:38,874 --> 00:48:41,127
keep the old boy
off the parsnip wine.
801
00:48:50,219 --> 00:48:54,014
- Wilcot! Are you feeling tired?
- No.
802
00:48:54,098 --> 00:48:56,767
A little below par perhaps?
I thought it showed in your speech.
803
00:48:56,851 --> 00:48:58,894
You know, you did my piece
about the five red herrings
804
00:48:58,978 --> 00:49:01,147
rather less than justice,
if I may say so.
805
00:49:01,272 --> 00:49:02,857
After all, the campaign had...
806
00:49:06,026 --> 00:49:06,986
Wilcot!
807
00:49:07,069 --> 00:49:08,362
Wilcot!
808
00:49:13,242 --> 00:49:14,452
Wilcot!
809
00:49:23,502 --> 00:49:25,171
But I'm worried about you, Stella.
810
00:49:25,254 --> 00:49:26,797
I tell you, I'm perfectly all right.
811
00:49:26,881 --> 00:49:29,800
Well, you ruined that bit
about the penguin with a sick headache.
812
00:49:29,884 --> 00:49:32,303
I wish you'd stop carping
and try to find the way out.
813
00:49:32,386 --> 00:49:34,930
But it's my job to...
Stella! Wait a minute!
814
00:49:36,849 --> 00:49:38,017
Stella!
815
00:49:41,604 --> 00:49:43,522
- Lost?
- Certainly not!
816
00:49:43,689 --> 00:49:45,608
Oh, in that case, you can tell me
which is the right way.
817
00:49:45,733 --> 00:49:47,943
- I've no idea.
- Oh, then you must be lost.
818
00:49:48,068 --> 00:49:50,446
- I'm nothing of the kind.
- You are, obviously.
819
00:49:50,571 --> 00:49:53,115
Look, perhaps if we sort of
work this thing out together...
820
00:49:53,199 --> 00:49:55,951
You know perfectly well
I can't talk to you.
821
00:49:56,035 --> 00:49:59,371
Anyway, I don't want to,
so please don't follow me.
822
00:50:00,122 --> 00:50:02,208
No intention of doing anything
of the kind.
823
00:50:02,750 --> 00:50:05,252
- Wilcot!
- Oh, shut up.
824
00:50:10,216 --> 00:50:12,009
Oh!
825
00:50:14,512 --> 00:50:15,763
Wilcot!
826
00:50:24,939 --> 00:50:27,066
Must you dog my footsteps?
827
00:50:27,149 --> 00:50:28,776
I'm not dogging anybody.
828
00:50:29,401 --> 00:50:32,154
Just trying to find my way
out of this blasted place.
829
00:50:33,447 --> 00:50:35,199
Why can't you be civil?
830
00:50:39,787 --> 00:50:41,080
Oh, Miss Stoker.
831
00:50:42,957 --> 00:50:45,960
I think you're absolutely
bloody marvellous.
832
00:50:47,378 --> 00:50:49,380
I can't think of
anything else but you.
833
00:50:49,421 --> 00:50:52,508
I know I shouldn't say it, but...
Well, there you are, I've said it.
834
00:50:52,591 --> 00:50:54,176
- You must be mad.
- Oh, I am.
835
00:50:54,260 --> 00:50:56,804
I know it doesn't
make any sense politically.
836
00:50:56,887 --> 00:50:58,847
In fact, carried through
to its logical conclusions,
837
00:50:58,931 --> 00:51:01,976
this sort of thing would make
party divisions utterly meaningless.
838
00:51:02,518 --> 00:51:04,311
But the fact of the matter is...
839
00:51:05,312 --> 00:51:07,314
I am completely besotted with you,
840
00:51:07,439 --> 00:51:09,942
and it's unhinging
my whole campaign.
841
00:51:10,025 --> 00:51:11,694
Oh! Well, I can't stay here.
842
00:51:11,777 --> 00:51:14,446
- I can't.
- I know you won't believe this, but...
843
00:51:14,530 --> 00:51:16,574
Well, it's just like it said
in your magazine.
844
00:51:17,283 --> 00:51:18,951
Everything sort of stopped.
845
00:51:19,034 --> 00:51:21,745
I heard a gentle tintinnabulation.
846
00:51:22,871 --> 00:51:24,665
You too?
847
00:51:24,707 --> 00:51:26,834
Oh, must have been a delusion, of...
848
00:51:27,626 --> 00:51:28,502
What?!
849
00:51:29,712 --> 00:51:31,755
Stella.
850
00:51:33,173 --> 00:51:34,675
Oh, Stella!
851
00:51:53,944 --> 00:51:55,195
Stella!
852
00:51:58,949 --> 00:52:01,076
Mr Wilcot, what have you done?
853
00:52:07,541 --> 00:52:09,209
And I'm the one who's gonna do it.
854
00:52:09,293 --> 00:52:11,962
I'll teach the Tories
to nominate a sex maniac
855
00:52:12,046 --> 00:52:14,256
for a respectable seat like Earndale.
856
00:52:14,340 --> 00:52:16,967
No wonder they had to
send him to the Antarctic.
857
00:52:17,051 --> 00:52:19,637
Heaven knows what
he'd be like in a heatwave.
858
00:52:19,762 --> 00:52:23,015
He won't dare to show his face
in decent society after this.
859
00:52:23,057 --> 00:52:25,643
He won't even be able
to show it on television.
860
00:52:25,726 --> 00:52:27,645
- No, Bert.
- What?
861
00:52:27,728 --> 00:52:30,022
I don't want anything said or done.
862
00:52:30,105 --> 00:52:32,107
I just want to forget about it.
863
00:52:33,067 --> 00:52:34,652
I mean it, Bert.
864
00:52:34,735 --> 00:52:37,071
Stella, my girl.
Are you trying to tell me...
865
00:52:37,196 --> 00:52:39,782
I just said I wanted
to forget about it.
866
00:52:39,907 --> 00:52:42,034
Gor, stone the crows!
867
00:52:42,117 --> 00:52:44,161
Then I did see
what I thought I saw.
868
00:52:44,870 --> 00:52:46,372
Well, this is horrible.
869
00:52:46,914 --> 00:52:48,248
Not only horrible, I...
870
00:52:48,332 --> 00:52:50,459
don't think it's
ever happened before.
871
00:52:50,751 --> 00:52:52,086
If we was all to behave like this,
872
00:52:52,169 --> 00:52:54,546
what would happen
to parliamentary government?
873
00:52:54,672 --> 00:52:57,633
- That's what he said.
- I don't care what he said!
874
00:52:57,716 --> 00:52:59,468
I don't want to know!
875
00:52:59,927 --> 00:53:01,595
I'm not at all sure you haven't...
876
00:53:01,679 --> 00:53:03,806
destroyed my faith
in human nature.
877
00:53:04,640 --> 00:53:07,017
I understand how you feel, Bert.
878
00:53:07,101 --> 00:53:09,395
I'm shaken rigid, that's the truth.
879
00:53:09,478 --> 00:53:12,356
I know I gave way
to a stupid impulse, but...
880
00:53:12,439 --> 00:53:14,191
only for a moment.
881
00:53:14,775 --> 00:53:17,069
I promise it won't
happen again, ever.
882
00:53:17,444 --> 00:53:19,822
I want to fight this election
as if nothing had happened
883
00:53:19,905 --> 00:53:21,865
and we'll win it,
Bert, you'll see!
884
00:53:21,949 --> 00:53:23,826
You mean it's
war to the knife again?
885
00:53:23,909 --> 00:53:24,827
War to the knife.
886
00:53:24,910 --> 00:53:27,246
And no holds barred?
Er... No quarter?
887
00:53:27,329 --> 00:53:28,414
No quarter.
888
00:53:28,497 --> 00:53:30,999
- You sure about that?
- Well, of course I'm sure.
889
00:53:31,083 --> 00:53:32,876
- What do you take me for?
- Well, I mean we want...
890
00:53:32,960 --> 00:53:34,545
Do you think I have
no sense of responsibility?
891
00:53:34,586 --> 00:53:37,047
- Well, don't get excited.
- You think I'm not ashamed?
892
00:53:37,131 --> 00:53:41,176
- All right.
- Do you think I can't control myself?
893
00:53:51,562 --> 00:53:54,231
♪ Though parted apart from my darling ♪
894
00:53:54,314 --> 00:53:55,482
Wilcot!
895
00:53:55,566 --> 00:53:56,859
Just a minute!
896
00:53:56,942 --> 00:54:00,612
♪ I dream of her everywhere
897
00:54:00,696 --> 00:54:03,907
- ♪ The sound of her voice is about me ♪
- Singing!
898
00:54:03,991 --> 00:54:07,035
♪ The spell of her presence is there ♪
899
00:54:07,119 --> 00:54:11,290
- Oh, not another!
- ♪ The face of a gentle maiden
900
00:54:11,331 --> 00:54:12,791
♪ Will follow me
901
00:54:12,875 --> 00:54:15,961
♪ Till I die ♪
902
00:54:16,044 --> 00:54:17,463
Hello, my dear chap.
Where have you been?
903
00:54:17,546 --> 00:54:19,423
Someone had to
invent some reason
904
00:54:19,506 --> 00:54:21,467
why neither candidate
returned to the platform.
905
00:54:21,592 --> 00:54:24,011
And then I find you singing
in your bath. Actually singing!
906
00:54:24,094 --> 00:54:25,971
I'm terribly sorry,
but it just slipped out.
907
00:54:26,054 --> 00:54:27,264
Singing!
908
00:54:27,347 --> 00:54:31,435
After behaviour better suited to the
shadier streets of Naples!
909
00:54:31,560 --> 00:54:34,897
Oh, don't you realise? This might
lead to the most ghastly scandal.
910
00:54:34,980 --> 00:54:37,441
That girl's as clever
as a wagonload of monkeys.
911
00:54:38,025 --> 00:54:40,694
I must ask you
to be very careful indeed
912
00:54:40,778 --> 00:54:42,029
how you speak of Miss Stoker.
913
00:54:42,112 --> 00:54:44,406
Oh, really!
What about the party?
914
00:54:44,490 --> 00:54:45,699
- When is it?
- Oh!
915
00:54:46,033 --> 00:54:48,410
What about the electors?
What about me?
916
00:54:48,494 --> 00:54:51,246
Well, I suppose it's only natural
that you should flap a bit, Harding-Pratt,
917
00:54:51,330 --> 00:54:52,664
not knowing the sort of fellow
I really am.
918
00:54:52,748 --> 00:54:54,625
- What?
- Oh, I admit that my feelings
919
00:54:54,666 --> 00:54:56,251
got the better of me
this afternoon.
920
00:54:56,335 --> 00:54:58,879
But I can assure you
that it will not occur again.
921
00:54:58,962 --> 00:55:00,798
I've thought the matter over
very carefully
922
00:55:00,881 --> 00:55:03,634
and I have decided,
in the interests of the party,
923
00:55:03,717 --> 00:55:07,888
that I shall not see Miss Stoker again
until immediately after I am elected.
924
00:55:07,971 --> 00:55:09,640
- You really mean that?
- I do.
925
00:55:09,681 --> 00:55:11,266
- And you won't go back on it?
- Never.
926
00:55:11,350 --> 00:55:14,645
And you really will put your heart
and soul into this campaign?
927
00:55:14,686 --> 00:55:15,938
Definitely.
928
00:55:16,021 --> 00:55:19,024
Wilcot, you've taken an
enormous weight off my mind.
929
00:55:19,107 --> 00:55:21,109
ROBERT: Come in.
930
00:55:21,944 --> 00:55:23,862
Sorry, sir.
The lady sent them back.
931
00:55:23,946 --> 00:55:26,949
- Wouldn't take them in.
- Oh, well, um... Never mind.
932
00:55:28,408 --> 00:55:30,619
- Thank you very much.
- Thank you, sir.
933
00:55:32,621 --> 00:55:34,623
Wilcot, you didn't
send those flowers to her!
934
00:55:34,706 --> 00:55:35,833
Well, only anonymously.
935
00:55:35,916 --> 00:55:38,585
"Only anonymously"? She knew
where to send them back, didn't she?
936
00:55:38,669 --> 00:55:42,548
Sending flowers to your opponent?
This is callowness run riot.
937
00:55:42,631 --> 00:55:45,342
"What next?" I ask myself.
"What next?"
938
00:55:45,425 --> 00:55:47,344
And what's that doing there?
939
00:55:47,845 --> 00:55:52,474
Well... Montgomery had a photograph
of Rommel in his caravan, didn't he?
940
00:55:53,141 --> 00:55:57,354
Wilcot, I'm overcome with a feeling
of almost ludicrous inadequacy.
941
00:55:57,437 --> 00:56:00,482
I have given you my word...
942
00:56:00,816 --> 00:56:02,234
Hello?
943
00:56:03,110 --> 00:56:04,862
- Hello...
- It's probably the press.
944
00:56:04,945 --> 00:56:07,197
We must appear absolutely nonchalant.
945
00:56:07,698 --> 00:56:08,824
Hello.
946
00:56:08,907 --> 00:56:10,868
Yes, speaking.
947
00:56:10,951 --> 00:56:11,869
Who?
948
00:56:13,579 --> 00:56:15,205
It's that fellow Glimmer.
949
00:56:15,289 --> 00:56:18,876
Blackmail, no doubt.
I'd better go straight over to the attack.
950
00:56:19,001 --> 00:56:22,588
Hello, Glimmer. Well, I take it
you're calling me with an apology?
951
00:56:23,463 --> 00:56:25,340
What do you mean,
"Come off it"?
952
00:56:27,301 --> 00:56:29,720
Oh.
Oh, you think so, do you?
953
00:56:31,305 --> 00:56:32,556
Well, I...
954
00:56:32,639 --> 00:56:34,516
I might. It depends.
955
00:56:37,603 --> 00:56:38,979
What time?
956
00:56:40,647 --> 00:56:41,815
Where?
957
00:56:43,901 --> 00:56:45,235
Wait for me, will you?
958
00:57:08,884 --> 00:57:10,552
Large Scotch, please.
959
00:57:12,012 --> 00:57:14,806
- Well?
- This is a very nasty business.
960
00:57:14,890 --> 00:57:17,017
I hope you told your candidate so.
961
00:57:17,100 --> 00:57:19,519
What do you mean?
Yours assaulted mine.
962
00:57:19,603 --> 00:57:21,313
I have no wish to be indelicate,
963
00:57:21,396 --> 00:57:24,191
but I distinctly saw yours
returning the pressure.
964
00:57:24,274 --> 00:57:27,235
Look, supposing we drop this,
old sport? We're both in a spot.
965
00:57:27,319 --> 00:57:28,403
I agree with you.
966
00:57:28,528 --> 00:57:29,947
Just this once.
967
00:57:30,072 --> 00:57:33,075
The truth is, there's no room for a ruddy
Romeo and Juliet in a by-election.
968
00:57:33,116 --> 00:57:35,327
Quite.
If this obscene canker spreads,
969
00:57:35,410 --> 00:57:37,663
it'll make a mockery
of the House of Commons.
970
00:57:37,746 --> 00:57:39,289
- That's what he said.
- Who?
971
00:57:39,373 --> 00:57:40,707
- Yours.
- Mine?
972
00:57:40,791 --> 00:57:42,793
Well, he's a fine one to talk.
973
00:57:42,876 --> 00:57:45,212
Well, mine's gone completely broody.
974
00:57:45,295 --> 00:57:47,673
In my opinion, women and politics
simply don't mix.
975
00:57:47,756 --> 00:57:50,425
Well, I feel just the same
about amateurs.
976
00:57:50,509 --> 00:57:52,469
After all, we're the pros, old man.
977
00:57:52,552 --> 00:57:54,054
We're the ones who get 'em in.
978
00:57:54,137 --> 00:57:56,431
Not that we're ever appreciated.
979
00:57:56,515 --> 00:57:58,892
They just don't know, H-P,
they don't know.
980
00:57:59,017 --> 00:58:00,644
You don't mind
if I call you "H-P"?
981
00:58:01,436 --> 00:58:03,730
No, of course not, um... Bert.
982
00:58:04,648 --> 00:58:07,484
H-P, this flaming romance
has got to be nipped in the bud.
983
00:58:07,567 --> 00:58:08,860
Yes, but how?
984
00:58:08,944 --> 00:58:10,112
Turn 'em against each other?
985
00:58:10,195 --> 00:58:13,281
Well, that'll take some doing.
Sickening couple.
986
00:58:13,991 --> 00:58:15,826
We could do with an old flame.
987
00:58:15,909 --> 00:58:18,996
The old infernal triangle,
if you'll pardon the "clitch".
988
00:58:20,956 --> 00:58:23,291
Or better still, a quadrangle.
989
00:58:23,875 --> 00:58:25,460
By gosh, you're right!
990
00:58:25,544 --> 00:58:27,212
- What?
- I've just remembered something.
991
00:58:27,295 --> 00:58:29,965
Bert, you and I have got to
go into partnership.
992
00:58:30,007 --> 00:58:31,258
Ooh!
993
00:58:31,341 --> 00:58:32,843
Steady on, old man.
994
00:58:32,926 --> 00:58:35,887
It was a nasty turn coming out
with a thing like that.
995
00:58:38,056 --> 00:58:41,601
"Arriving this afternoon,
2.45 p.m. train.
996
00:58:41,685 --> 00:58:44,646
"Wildly excited, darling. Annabel."
997
00:58:44,730 --> 00:58:45,981
Annabel?
998
00:58:46,064 --> 00:58:48,692
I say, H-P, we can't have this.
We must stop her at once!
999
00:58:49,317 --> 00:58:50,902
Too late.
1000
00:58:58,326 --> 00:59:00,162
I still think someone else
should meet Annabel
1001
00:59:00,245 --> 00:59:02,414
and push her right back again
on the first train to London.
1002
00:59:02,497 --> 00:59:05,042
From what you've told me yourself,
she's a well-known model
1003
00:59:05,167 --> 00:59:07,711
and the rebuff might attract
the worst kind of publicity.
1004
00:59:07,794 --> 00:59:10,839
I don't want to see Annabel at all,
especially "wildly excited".
1005
00:59:17,137 --> 00:59:18,764
Bobby!
1006
00:59:21,892 --> 00:59:24,019
- Darling!
- Oh.
1007
00:59:24,102 --> 00:59:25,687
You got here, then, Annabel?
1008
00:59:25,771 --> 00:59:28,106
Of course.
I came the minute I heard.
1009
00:59:28,440 --> 00:59:29,441
"Heard"?
1010
00:59:29,524 --> 00:59:32,569
How do you do, Miss Brentwood?
I'm Christopher Harding-Pratt.
1011
00:59:32,652 --> 00:59:34,071
So pleased.
1012
00:59:34,154 --> 00:59:37,824
Well, darling, are you collecting
a lovely lot of delicious votes?
1013
00:59:38,700 --> 00:59:41,119
I thought you said
the press weren't to be told.
1014
00:59:41,244 --> 00:59:44,956
Peterson, Peterson!
How on Earth did this happen?
1015
00:59:45,040 --> 00:59:46,792
I did my best, H-P.
1016
00:59:46,875 --> 00:59:48,502
I'm sure you did.
1017
00:59:48,627 --> 00:59:50,087
This way, Miss Brentwood.
1018
00:59:53,090 --> 00:59:54,633
Sir!
1019
00:59:57,594 --> 01:00:00,305
Would you care to say a few words
on this romantic occasion?
1020
01:00:00,388 --> 01:00:01,681
This what?
1021
01:00:01,765 --> 01:00:02,933
Romantic occasion.
1022
01:00:03,016 --> 01:00:04,810
How did you ever guess?
1023
01:00:06,269 --> 01:00:08,355
What's going on here?
1024
01:00:08,396 --> 01:00:10,232
- Ssh! We're transmitting.
- We're what?
1025
01:00:10,315 --> 01:00:11,983
Oh, are we really?
1026
01:00:12,067 --> 01:00:14,236
Are you pleased to see
Miss Brentwood, Mr Wilcot?
1027
01:00:14,319 --> 01:00:17,114
- Am I pleased?
- Is he pleased!
1028
01:00:17,197 --> 01:00:18,990
And how does it feel,
Miss Brentwood,
1029
01:00:19,074 --> 01:00:22,202
to stand by his side
in this exciting contest?
1030
01:00:22,285 --> 01:00:25,580
I was thrilled to the absolute core
when he sent for me.
1031
01:00:25,664 --> 01:00:27,040
Sent for you?
1032
01:00:28,041 --> 01:00:29,876
Are you staying long?
1033
01:00:30,001 --> 01:00:32,712
- No, just...
- Oh, yes, indefinitely.
1034
01:00:32,796 --> 01:00:35,507
And are you
expecting an arduous campaign?
1035
01:00:35,590 --> 01:00:37,342
Oh, yes. Very arduous.
1036
01:00:37,425 --> 01:00:39,427
I see what you mean.
1037
01:00:39,511 --> 01:00:42,722
So your visit is not entirely political,
Miss Brentwood?
1038
01:00:42,806 --> 01:00:44,099
Oh, no.
1039
01:00:44,182 --> 01:00:46,143
May we say definitely
there is a romance?
1040
01:00:46,226 --> 01:00:48,103
What do you say, darling?
1041
01:00:48,186 --> 01:00:49,563
Well...
1042
01:00:50,564 --> 01:00:52,607
Oh, Bobby, darling!
1043
01:00:52,732 --> 01:00:54,067
- Stella.
- I'm sure that'll be
1044
01:00:54,151 --> 01:00:57,195
of great interest to viewers.
- How did the meeting go?
1045
01:00:57,279 --> 01:00:59,656
First class. I think I was pretty good,
as a matter of fact.
1046
01:00:59,739 --> 01:01:02,534
There was a bit of heckling,
but, um...
1047
01:01:02,617 --> 01:01:04,369
Oh, Bobby, darling.
1048
01:01:06,288 --> 01:01:08,290
May we expect
an early announcement, sir?
1049
01:01:08,331 --> 01:01:09,624
Announcement?
1050
01:01:09,708 --> 01:01:11,126
Wedding bells.
1051
01:01:11,209 --> 01:01:13,336
Shall we wait until after the election?
1052
01:01:13,420 --> 01:01:17,007
With a victory behind these
two young people, who knows?
1053
01:01:17,090 --> 01:01:19,301
Who knows, indeed!
1054
01:01:19,426 --> 01:01:23,346
And now, after that charming
and romantic little surprise item,
1055
01:01:23,471 --> 01:01:25,932
it's time to say "au revoir"
from Earndale.
1056
01:01:26,558 --> 01:01:29,269
Well, who put the idea into
Annabel's head if you didn't?
1057
01:01:29,352 --> 01:01:31,062
Oh, dear chap,
how can you suggest such a thing?
1058
01:01:31,146 --> 01:01:34,065
You told me yourself
you always called her the "eager beaver".
1059
01:01:34,149 --> 01:01:36,484
Well, how did the television cameras
get there, then?
1060
01:01:36,568 --> 01:01:38,570
Somebody must have tipped them off.
1061
01:01:40,405 --> 01:01:41,990
I'm gonna send her packing.
1062
01:01:42,073 --> 01:01:43,825
She hasn't finished unpacking yet.
1063
01:01:43,909 --> 01:01:45,619
All that nonsense about wedding bells.
1064
01:01:45,702 --> 01:01:48,371
There isn't any romance!
I'm gonna say so publicly.
1065
01:01:48,496 --> 01:01:51,458
If you do that, you will destroy
your chances in the election.
1066
01:01:51,583 --> 01:01:52,959
To blazes with the election!
1067
01:01:53,043 --> 01:01:55,629
I prefer to close my ears
to that remark.
1068
01:01:56,213 --> 01:01:57,422
I must warn you, Wilcot,
1069
01:01:57,505 --> 01:01:59,549
publicly jilt that helpless,
trusting girl,
1070
01:01:59,633 --> 01:02:01,760
and you'll become
a social outcast.
1071
01:02:03,386 --> 01:02:06,348
Never able to appear
on a panel game again.
1072
01:02:08,516 --> 01:02:09,809
The car's waiting.
1073
01:02:09,893 --> 01:02:12,312
You're already an hour behind
with your programme.
1074
01:02:13,980 --> 01:02:16,608
You'll pay for this, Harding-Pratt.
1075
01:02:17,442 --> 01:02:18,652
I doubt it.
1076
01:02:29,204 --> 01:02:30,956
- Hello, Castle and Ball?
- Yes?
1077
01:02:31,039 --> 01:02:33,208
Is Miss Stoker there, please?
I must talk to her.
1078
01:02:33,291 --> 01:02:34,876
Who's that?
1079
01:02:35,126 --> 01:02:36,836
Bert Glimmer.
1080
01:02:36,920 --> 01:02:38,546
And make it snappy,
will ya, ducks?
1081
01:02:38,672 --> 01:02:40,131
Oh, I'll try her room, Mr Glimmer.
1082
01:02:43,551 --> 01:02:44,636
Yes?
1083
01:02:44,719 --> 01:02:47,722
- I wanna talk to Miss Stoker.
- Who is that?
1084
01:02:47,806 --> 01:02:48,807
Bert Glimmer.
1085
01:02:52,477 --> 01:02:53,645
What?
1086
01:02:53,687 --> 01:02:54,938
Look, put her on the line,
will you, old man?
1087
01:02:55,021 --> 01:02:58,108
Sharp's the word, quick's the action,
don't muck about.
1088
01:02:59,484 --> 01:03:01,987
The wee lassie's
having a wee bit of rrrest
1089
01:03:02,112 --> 01:03:04,447
in her rrroom, Mr Glimmerrr.
1090
01:03:04,531 --> 01:03:06,408
Can I take a message?
1091
01:03:06,491 --> 01:03:08,118
Um... Who's that?
1092
01:03:09,077 --> 01:03:10,745
McAllister... rrr.
1093
01:03:12,455 --> 01:03:15,417
Ye ken old Arch...
Errrchie McAllister?
1094
01:03:16,042 --> 01:03:19,004
Oh, yes. Hello, Archie.
1095
01:03:19,087 --> 01:03:20,505
Well, can I take a message?
1096
01:03:20,588 --> 01:03:21,881
Um...
1097
01:03:21,965 --> 01:03:25,385
Well, surely, ye can trrrust
your old friend Errrchie.
1098
01:03:26,678 --> 01:03:29,306
All right, Archie.
Well, listen carefully.
1099
01:03:29,556 --> 01:03:32,642
Tell Miss Stoker not to believe
all she hears about the other party.
1100
01:03:32,726 --> 01:03:34,394
He's been framed.
It's a put-up job.
1101
01:03:40,191 --> 01:03:42,319
- Hello, Stella.
- Bill!
1102
01:03:43,028 --> 01:03:45,280
I can't tell you
how glad I am to see you.
1103
01:03:45,447 --> 01:03:46,573
Hello?
1104
01:03:46,656 --> 01:03:49,159
Well, why didn't you tell me
you were coming?
1105
01:03:49,451 --> 01:03:51,036
Well, it was...
It was sort of short notice.
1106
01:03:51,119 --> 01:03:51,995
Hello?
1107
01:03:52,620 --> 01:03:54,414
What's goin' on.
Did you get that, Archie?
1108
01:03:54,748 --> 01:03:56,166
Yeah, I got it all right.
1109
01:03:56,249 --> 01:03:58,418
I'll take you down to reception.
They'll fix something.
1110
01:03:58,501 --> 01:04:01,087
Come on, Bill.
We've just time for a cup of tea.
1111
01:04:02,714 --> 01:04:04,549
Now, you get this.
1112
01:04:04,632 --> 01:04:06,301
You'll be surprised to hear
the young lady's
1113
01:04:06,384 --> 01:04:09,804
very thoroughly engaged just now
with her old childhood sweetheart.
1114
01:04:09,929 --> 01:04:13,099
In fact, between you and I,
I'm feeling a bit de trop meself.
1115
01:04:13,183 --> 01:04:15,727
But don't worry,
your secret's safe with me.
1116
01:04:15,810 --> 01:04:18,396
Silent as the grrrave
is Bert Glimmer.
1117
01:04:18,480 --> 01:04:20,607
Cheery-bye, me old cock sparrer.
1118
01:04:23,276 --> 01:04:26,696
You simply
must vote for Wilcot, everybody.
1119
01:04:26,821 --> 01:04:28,323
Do vote for Bobby,
1120
01:04:28,406 --> 01:04:29,991
I mean, Wilcot.
1121
01:04:30,075 --> 01:04:31,951
Wilcot is too wonderful.
1122
01:04:32,577 --> 01:04:35,830
Wilcot is absolutely devas.
1123
01:04:38,083 --> 01:04:40,126
Are you going to vote for a...
1124
01:04:40,210 --> 01:04:42,504
TV glamour boy, a...
1125
01:04:42,587 --> 01:04:44,089
a panel puppet?
1126
01:04:44,172 --> 01:04:45,715
No!
1127
01:04:45,799 --> 01:04:47,092
Take it from me,
1128
01:04:47,217 --> 01:04:50,095
you can't trust
a man like that an inch.
1129
01:04:51,554 --> 01:04:54,849
Mine's chock full of
fighting spirit, H-P. How's yours?
1130
01:04:54,933 --> 01:04:57,102
"Savage" is the
only word for him, Bert.
1131
01:04:57,185 --> 01:04:58,812
The boy's really getting mean.
1132
01:05:00,355 --> 01:05:05,026
I will not descend to the cheaper forms
of Billingsgate abuse
1133
01:05:05,110 --> 01:05:09,197
with which Miss Stoker seems
to be so very much at home.
1134
01:05:09,280 --> 01:05:11,032
But I warn her,
1135
01:05:11,116 --> 01:05:13,159
Billingsgate will boomerang!
1136
01:05:15,703 --> 01:05:19,499
With polling day only three days away,
things are really hotting up.
1137
01:05:19,582 --> 01:05:21,626
The rival candidates
seem to be fighting it out
1138
01:05:21,709 --> 01:05:24,003
in a spirit of bitter hostility.
1139
01:05:24,087 --> 01:05:26,881
Over now to Ronald Basingstoke
at Earndale,
1140
01:05:26,965 --> 01:05:29,008
a town caught in the grip
of election fever
1141
01:05:29,092 --> 01:05:31,678
as the political temperature
rises to blood heat.
1142
01:05:32,137 --> 01:05:35,890
Would you like to tell the viewers what
you think of this exciting election, sir?
1143
01:05:35,974 --> 01:05:37,434
Bit of a lark, ain't it?
1144
01:05:37,517 --> 01:05:39,519
And who do you think will get in?
1145
01:05:40,437 --> 01:05:42,814
Don't make no odds
either way, do it?
1146
01:05:43,523 --> 01:05:45,108
Thank you, Mr Hornsby.
1147
01:05:45,191 --> 01:05:46,734
Ormsby.
1148
01:05:46,818 --> 01:05:48,736
Thank you, Mr... Ormsby.
1149
01:05:50,029 --> 01:05:52,449
Vote Conservative. Remember,
1150
01:05:52,532 --> 01:05:56,536
a vote for the Socialists
is a vote for legalised robbery,
1151
01:05:56,619 --> 01:06:01,166
extortion, national extinction,
and reduced profits.
1152
01:06:01,249 --> 01:06:04,544
A vote for Labour
is a vote for prosperity.
1153
01:06:05,128 --> 01:06:08,006
Vote for Stoker.
She's the girl for you.
1154
01:06:08,131 --> 01:06:10,842
Toryism means unemployment!
1155
01:06:10,925 --> 01:06:12,510
It means poverty!
1156
01:06:12,635 --> 01:06:14,846
It means destitution!
1157
01:06:14,929 --> 01:06:16,681
It means starvation!
1158
01:06:18,016 --> 01:06:19,934
It means despair!
1159
01:06:20,602 --> 01:06:24,063
Vote for Wilcot and keep out Stoker!
1160
01:06:27,066 --> 01:06:31,112
Vote for Stoker and keep out Wilcot!
1161
01:06:31,196 --> 01:06:33,198
Whoever you vote for,
1162
01:06:33,907 --> 01:06:39,454
celebrate the result at my grand
Declaration of Poll party tomorrow night.
1163
01:06:40,079 --> 01:06:42,499
Mammoth firework display,
1164
01:06:42,582 --> 01:06:47,337
dancing on the greensward
to Alf Farthingale and his Hot Six.
1165
01:06:48,755 --> 01:06:50,590
Stella's doing fine, brother.
1166
01:06:50,632 --> 01:06:52,759
Turned out to be
a first-class candidate,
1167
01:06:52,842 --> 01:06:54,552
once I ironed out
the headaches for her.
1168
01:07:03,353 --> 01:07:05,897
Don't worry,
we'll put down the red carpet for him.
1169
01:07:05,980 --> 01:07:07,482
Bye for now.
1170
01:07:07,565 --> 01:07:08,650
Paulsen!
1171
01:07:08,775 --> 01:07:10,401
Lay on a car to pick up
tonight's speaker
1172
01:07:10,485 --> 01:07:11,778
off the seven-thirty train.
1173
01:07:11,861 --> 01:07:13,613
Take him straight down
to St Luke's School for the meeting.
1174
01:07:13,696 --> 01:07:14,906
Okay.
1175
01:07:15,907 --> 01:07:17,617
- Oh.
- Can I have a word, Mr Glimmer?
1176
01:07:17,700 --> 01:07:19,118
Well, a little later.
I've got an appointment now...
1177
01:07:19,202 --> 01:07:21,621
- Y-Yeah, but I'm worried about Stella.
- Why?
1178
01:07:21,704 --> 01:07:23,081
Well...
1179
01:07:23,164 --> 01:07:25,625
- I-I-I don't know how to put it, but...
- Well, come on.
1180
01:07:25,667 --> 01:07:27,961
Yeah. Well, she seems to be...
1181
01:07:28,044 --> 01:07:29,420
acting all the time.
1182
01:07:29,504 --> 01:07:32,882
Well, of course she is.
She's fighting an election, isn't she?
1183
01:07:42,016 --> 01:07:43,977
Hello, Bert!
I thought you weren't coming.
1184
01:07:44,102 --> 01:07:45,395
Sorry. Got held up.
1185
01:07:45,436 --> 01:07:46,688
I say!
1186
01:07:46,771 --> 01:07:50,441
Well, in view of all our trials and tribs,
I thought champers was indicated.
1187
01:07:50,525 --> 01:07:51,818
Well, I'm all for a spot of inflation.
1188
01:07:51,901 --> 01:07:54,571
Just a little gesture
on the eve of polling day.
1189
01:07:54,654 --> 01:07:55,989
Well, very nice too.
1190
01:07:56,072 --> 01:07:57,490
Pop goes old Romeo and Juliet.
1191
01:07:57,574 --> 01:07:58,950
And a very good thing, too.
1192
01:07:58,992 --> 01:08:00,201
Here, I'll give you a toast.
1193
01:08:00,285 --> 01:08:02,287
"A plague on both their houses."
1194
01:08:02,370 --> 01:08:04,122
With brass trimmings.
1195
01:08:05,415 --> 01:08:06,374
Not bad, hmm?
1196
01:08:08,001 --> 01:08:09,627
Nearly as good as the '47,
in my opinion.
1197
01:08:09,711 --> 01:08:11,462
May the best man win!
1198
01:08:11,671 --> 01:08:12,797
Woman.
1199
01:08:12,880 --> 01:08:14,882
Well, we're not going to quarrel
about genders, old man.
1200
01:08:14,966 --> 01:08:16,926
Well, I second that, old pal.
1201
01:08:17,969 --> 01:08:21,306
Now, alas, I must wend my way to
the Corn Exchange for our final meeting.
1202
01:08:21,389 --> 01:08:24,267
We've got one of the party intellectuals
coming down from Whitehall.
1203
01:08:24,392 --> 01:08:26,769
Same here.
Big pop from Transport House.
1204
01:08:26,853 --> 01:08:28,813
I think we'd better
leave separately, Bert.
1205
01:08:28,896 --> 01:08:31,316
Cheerio.
See you after the poll.
1206
01:08:31,399 --> 01:08:32,692
Cheerio, old boy.
1207
01:08:36,946 --> 01:08:38,406
Good night.
1208
01:08:38,698 --> 01:08:40,199
What do you mean by following me?
1209
01:08:40,283 --> 01:08:41,951
Well, I've been
thinking again, Mr Glimmer.
1210
01:08:42,035 --> 01:08:43,995
- Oh...
- Well, I'm not satisfied.
1211
01:08:44,078 --> 01:08:46,080
I've known Stella
since we were kids,
1212
01:08:46,164 --> 01:08:48,291
and I think there's something
preying on her mind,
1213
01:08:48,374 --> 01:08:50,084
and I want to know what it is.
1214
01:08:50,168 --> 01:08:51,628
Come over here.
1215
01:08:51,919 --> 01:08:53,880
I know I should've said something
to you before.
1216
01:08:53,963 --> 01:08:56,049
You don't know
the sleepless nights I've had.
1217
01:08:56,132 --> 01:08:58,092
Being such a delicate matter, I...
1218
01:08:58,176 --> 01:09:01,179
don't rightly know
how I'm going to tell you at all.
1219
01:09:01,387 --> 01:09:04,140
You don't mean to tell me
that Stella's got herself into trouble?
1220
01:09:04,390 --> 01:09:06,267
Good gracious, no.
1221
01:09:06,351 --> 01:09:09,270
Well, I'm surprised at you.
I am, really.
1222
01:09:09,437 --> 01:09:10,980
I'm sorry, Mr Glimmer.
1223
01:09:11,064 --> 01:09:13,775
However, she did have
a very nasty experience.
1224
01:09:13,900 --> 01:09:16,944
- It's over and done with now.
- What is?
1225
01:09:17,195 --> 01:09:19,822
Well, not to put
too fine a point on it,
1226
01:09:19,906 --> 01:09:22,825
Wilcot forced
his attentions on her.
1227
01:09:22,909 --> 01:09:25,620
In His Lordship's maze.
1228
01:09:25,953 --> 01:09:27,330
They got lost, and...
1229
01:09:27,413 --> 01:09:29,123
his animal passions
got the better of him.
1230
01:09:29,165 --> 01:09:30,708
But he must be sixty-five!
1231
01:09:30,750 --> 01:09:33,252
He...
Not Lord Wilcot, Robert!
1232
01:09:33,336 --> 01:09:35,088
- No!
- Yes.
1233
01:09:35,213 --> 01:09:37,924
Fortunately, we got there in time
and hushed it up.
1234
01:09:38,007 --> 01:09:39,509
"Hushed it up"? Why?
1235
01:09:39,592 --> 01:09:41,636
Well, we wouldn't want to win
an election that way, would we?
1236
01:09:41,719 --> 01:09:43,012
Oh, wouldn't we?
Why wouldn't we?
1237
01:09:43,096 --> 01:09:44,305
No precedent for it.
1238
01:09:45,431 --> 01:09:46,516
Oh, I see.
1239
01:09:47,016 --> 01:09:49,268
Well, she ought to have
given the swine in charge.
1240
01:09:49,310 --> 01:09:52,647
She put the election first.
And I hope you'll do the same, my son.
1241
01:09:52,772 --> 01:09:55,775
I know you won't say anything
until it's all over.
1242
01:09:55,858 --> 01:09:57,568
Not even to Stella.
1243
01:09:57,610 --> 01:09:59,779
It's a sordid story,
I grant you, but...
1244
01:09:59,862 --> 01:10:01,906
so is a great deal of Shakespeare.
1245
01:10:02,031 --> 01:10:03,741
Well, I'll see you later,
young feller-me-lad.
1246
01:10:04,033 --> 01:10:07,453
You don't know the part that
you played in our hour of trial.
1247
01:10:29,016 --> 01:10:30,226
- Oh, good evening.
- Good evening, sir.
1248
01:10:30,309 --> 01:10:32,061
- Frightfully good attendance, isn't it?
- Yes.
1249
01:10:32,145 --> 01:10:34,063
I'll be in the anteroom
if you want me.
1250
01:10:38,151 --> 01:10:39,777
- Good evening.
- Good evening.
1251
01:10:40,403 --> 01:10:41,654
- Good evening.
- Oh, good evening.
1252
01:10:41,738 --> 01:10:43,281
Good evening, Peterson.
Looks like a full house.
1253
01:10:43,364 --> 01:10:44,991
Standing room only,
I shouldn't be surprised.
1254
01:10:45,116 --> 01:10:46,242
"And so, gentlemen,
1255
01:10:46,325 --> 01:10:49,871
"by this means, we may well hope
to reduce the cost of living."
1256
01:10:49,954 --> 01:10:51,914
Hello, Wilcot. Word perfect.
1257
01:10:52,874 --> 01:10:56,461
I'll have you know that
I definitely intend to win this election.
1258
01:10:56,961 --> 01:10:58,629
Well, that is welcome news indeed.
1259
01:10:58,713 --> 01:11:01,340
And, after that,
I hope I never set eyes
1260
01:11:01,424 --> 01:11:04,051
on that smug, self-satisfied,
1261
01:11:04,135 --> 01:11:06,053
hypocritical, treacherous,
1262
01:11:06,179 --> 01:11:08,556
lying double face of yours again.
1263
01:11:09,348 --> 01:11:10,683
Where was I?
1264
01:11:10,767 --> 01:11:13,728
"Turning now to
the international scone..."
1265
01:11:14,103 --> 01:11:15,605
"Turning..."
1266
01:11:15,730 --> 01:11:17,023
The what?
1267
01:11:17,648 --> 01:11:22,069
Oh, no, Annabel.
Not "scone", "scene". "Scene"!
1268
01:11:22,153 --> 01:11:23,988
This isn't a cookery contest.
1269
01:11:24,071 --> 01:11:26,073
Seven-ten, Peterson. I think you'd
better go down to the station
1270
01:11:26,157 --> 01:11:27,658
and collect Grimsby Armfield.
1271
01:11:27,742 --> 01:11:30,745
I don't see how I can, H-P.
I've got to receive the press.
1272
01:11:30,828 --> 01:11:31,788
Well, somebody.
1273
01:11:31,871 --> 01:11:34,040
Send Annabel. A good idea.
1274
01:11:34,123 --> 01:11:36,375
Oh, yes, please.
1275
01:11:37,168 --> 01:11:40,046
I mean, meeting
cabinet ministers and things.
1276
01:11:40,129 --> 01:11:42,673
Be such good practice
for afterwards.
1277
01:11:42,757 --> 01:11:44,133
Oh, mind.
1278
01:11:44,258 --> 01:11:47,094
Peterson, get someone to take
Miss Brentwood down to the station.
1279
01:11:47,178 --> 01:11:49,388
- All right.
- Oh, thanks frightfully.
1280
01:11:54,352 --> 01:11:56,270
Curious accent that girl has.
1281
01:11:56,354 --> 01:11:58,606
Darn few consonants,
no vowels at all.
1282
01:12:04,529 --> 01:12:06,572
Car, please,
to meet the seven-thirty.
1283
01:12:06,989 --> 01:12:10,201
Car wanted.
Mr Satterthwaite, please.
1284
01:12:19,544 --> 01:12:23,422
Oh, excuse me. Could you tell me
where I could find Mr Wilcot, please?
1285
01:12:23,589 --> 01:12:25,132
Oh, he's inside,
1286
01:12:25,216 --> 01:12:27,552
in the little room by the platform.
1287
01:12:27,593 --> 01:12:29,512
Oh. Thanks very much.
1288
01:12:33,140 --> 01:12:34,559
It's a pleasure.
1289
01:12:36,143 --> 01:12:40,064
"...steady application
of sound economic measures.
1290
01:12:41,148 --> 01:12:45,319
"And now, my friends,
turning to the international scone..."
1291
01:12:45,403 --> 01:12:46,779
Oh, blast!
1292
01:12:49,323 --> 01:12:50,950
I want a word with you.
1293
01:12:51,993 --> 01:12:53,703
- Me?
- Yes.
1294
01:13:02,503 --> 01:13:03,754
Boo!
1295
01:13:07,133 --> 01:13:09,927
Absolutely packed to the rafters.
I'm sure it's going to be an abso...
1296
01:13:12,054 --> 01:13:13,514
There.
1297
01:13:20,813 --> 01:13:22,773
Mr Wilcot!
1298
01:13:27,069 --> 01:13:28,571
Excuse me.
1299
01:13:29,113 --> 01:13:32,283
- Oh, did you see Mr Wilcot?
- That's right.
1300
01:13:32,366 --> 01:13:35,202
- You've cut your lip.
- Oh, have I?
1301
01:13:35,328 --> 01:13:36,704
Ready, Miss Brentwood.
1302
01:13:36,829 --> 01:13:39,832
Oh, now you've smeared it
all over your chin.
1303
01:13:40,166 --> 01:13:43,252
Do you mind if
I just dab it a little?
1304
01:13:43,336 --> 01:13:45,212
Oh, you mustn't do that.
1305
01:13:45,755 --> 01:13:47,131
You'll spoil it.
1306
01:13:48,424 --> 01:13:50,635
Miss Brentwood, we'll be late!
1307
01:14:08,194 --> 01:14:10,529
I... I said, is it all right now?
1308
01:14:10,696 --> 01:14:12,823
It's perfectly lovely.
1309
01:14:12,949 --> 01:14:14,659
Miss Brentwood, please!
1310
01:14:15,576 --> 01:14:17,411
They... They're calling you.
1311
01:14:17,495 --> 01:14:20,373
Oh, yes, yes, I...
I must go now.
1312
01:14:21,624 --> 01:14:23,918
- Thanks very much.
- Thank you.
1313
01:14:50,444 --> 01:14:52,738
Well, give him air.
Loosen his collar or something.
1314
01:14:52,822 --> 01:14:55,032
He's unconscious.
The candidate's unconscious.
1315
01:14:55,116 --> 01:14:57,201
Well, he might have waited
till he'd taken his seat in the House.
1316
01:14:57,284 --> 01:14:58,369
H-P!
1317
01:14:58,452 --> 01:15:00,413
It's seven-forty.
They're getting a bit restive.
1318
01:15:00,496 --> 01:15:02,999
- Where's Grimsby Armfield?
- Not here yet.
1319
01:15:03,124 --> 01:15:04,125
Train must be late.
1320
01:15:04,208 --> 01:15:06,002
Well, go outside
and see if somebody's coming.
1321
01:15:06,043 --> 01:15:08,838
- All right.
- Oh, look, don't bother with that now.
1322
01:15:09,005 --> 01:15:11,966
Look, get up on the platform
and keep the flag flying.
1323
01:15:22,893 --> 01:15:24,729
I said we'd miss the train.
1324
01:15:25,771 --> 01:15:27,023
Over there!
1325
01:15:27,148 --> 01:15:29,608
Are you the speaker
for our meeting?
1326
01:15:29,734 --> 01:15:30,943
Yes, I am.
1327
01:15:31,027 --> 01:15:34,488
Frightfully sorry we're late.
Absolutely devastated. Do jump in.
1328
01:15:34,905 --> 01:15:36,407
Thank you very much.
1329
01:15:42,163 --> 01:15:44,123
I think his eyelids flickered.
1330
01:15:44,457 --> 01:15:46,959
Where the blazes
is Grimsby Armfield?
1331
01:15:47,376 --> 01:15:49,295
- He's here!
- Oh, thank Heaven.
1332
01:15:49,378 --> 01:15:51,172
The speaker's here.
1333
01:15:52,715 --> 01:15:55,009
What?!
You're not Grimsby Armfield.
1334
01:15:55,092 --> 01:15:57,720
Of course I'm not.
I'm Bray, from Labour HQ.
1335
01:15:57,803 --> 01:15:59,764
- Oh, are you?
- Labour...
1336
01:15:59,889 --> 01:16:02,767
You cretin!
You've met the wrong man!
1337
01:16:02,808 --> 01:16:05,936
- But isn't this St Luke's?
- No! Here, take me to the station.
1338
01:16:06,020 --> 01:16:08,355
- Oh, there's nobody there.
- Well, of course there is. Unless...
1339
01:16:09,440 --> 01:16:12,234
Unless Grimsby Armfield
has gone to the wrong meeting.
1340
01:16:12,359 --> 01:16:13,986
Oh, no, not that!
1341
01:16:14,070 --> 01:16:15,738
St Luke's School, quick!
1342
01:16:17,239 --> 01:16:18,783
Wait for me!
1343
01:16:20,201 --> 01:16:21,869
Oh dear.
1344
01:16:24,205 --> 01:16:26,457
St Luke's School, quick,
the Labour meeting!
1345
01:16:26,499 --> 01:16:28,501
Here, get in.
Oh, come along, old man.
1346
01:16:31,378 --> 01:16:34,548
Faster!
Can't you go any faster?
1347
01:16:36,008 --> 01:16:38,219
Stop! Here we are.
1348
01:16:40,638 --> 01:16:44,809
Our policy, my friends, is your policy.
1349
01:16:44,934 --> 01:16:48,270
A Britain where social justice prevails,
1350
01:16:48,354 --> 01:16:50,523
where each has his opportunity,
1351
01:16:50,606 --> 01:16:52,858
and the old-age pensioners
are not forgotten.
1352
01:16:52,942 --> 01:16:54,527
- It's Armfield!
- Speaking!
1353
01:16:54,568 --> 01:16:56,529
I tell you, my friends,
1354
01:16:56,612 --> 01:16:58,864
if we keep these aims in mind...
1355
01:16:58,948 --> 01:17:01,075
He can't have joined
the Labour Party in that time.
1356
01:17:01,158 --> 01:17:02,535
Fool.
1357
01:17:03,828 --> 01:17:06,080
Come on, Egerton.
Rescue party.
1358
01:17:06,539 --> 01:17:08,666
...our promised land.
1359
01:17:11,377 --> 01:17:13,671
- He's spoken.
- Car, car!
1360
01:17:14,839 --> 01:17:16,298
He's finished.
1361
01:17:20,344 --> 01:17:22,721
- Well, that was a splendid speech, sir.
- Thank you.
1362
01:17:22,805 --> 01:17:25,391
I'm sorry you've got to push off,
but thanks very much for coming down.
1363
01:17:25,558 --> 01:17:27,852
- It's been a pleasure, Mr Harding-Pratt.
- I...
1364
01:17:28,519 --> 01:17:29,687
What?
1365
01:17:33,399 --> 01:17:34,733
Oh!
1366
01:17:35,776 --> 01:17:37,903
Back to the Corn Exchange, hurry!
1367
01:17:38,028 --> 01:17:43,951
A Britain where social justice prevails,
where each has his opportunity,
1368
01:17:44,034 --> 01:17:46,245
and the old-age pensioners
are not forgotten.
1369
01:17:46,704 --> 01:17:48,914
I tell you, my friends,
1370
01:17:48,998 --> 01:17:50,791
if we keep these aims in mind,
1371
01:17:50,916 --> 01:17:54,879
under Providence
we shall never doubt it.
1372
01:17:55,087 --> 01:17:58,632
Gain our haven,
our harbourage,
1373
01:17:59,383 --> 01:18:02,178
our promised land.
1374
01:18:04,763 --> 01:18:08,184
Thank you.
Thank you, Mr Armfield.
1375
01:18:08,392 --> 01:18:09,643
Thank you
1376
01:18:09,727 --> 01:18:14,315
for a brilliant, thought-provoking,
and highly original speech.
1377
01:18:15,065 --> 01:18:18,694
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
I call upon your candidate,
1378
01:18:19,111 --> 01:18:23,449
that fine, dynamic,
upstanding young personality,
1379
01:18:23,574 --> 01:18:24,950
Robert Wilcot!
1380
01:18:30,581 --> 01:18:32,416
This way, gentlemen, please.
1381
01:18:34,043 --> 01:18:36,003
- Take Mr Wilcot up to his room.
- Right.
1382
01:18:38,756 --> 01:18:39,924
What's the trouble, exactly?
1383
01:18:39,965 --> 01:18:43,344
Oh, nothing serious. Just a slight
recurrence of his old Antarctic sickness.
1384
01:18:43,427 --> 01:18:44,595
- Antarctic sickness?
- Yes.
1385
01:18:44,678 --> 01:18:47,765
Same sort of thing as snow blindness
but it affects the middle ear.
1386
01:18:47,848 --> 01:18:49,892
He'll be as right as rain
in the morning.
1387
01:18:49,934 --> 01:18:51,101
I hope...
1388
01:18:51,185 --> 01:18:54,772
Hello, everybody.
This is Stella Stoker,
1389
01:18:54,813 --> 01:18:56,815
your Labour candidate,
1390
01:18:56,899 --> 01:19:00,194
making a last appeal
for your votes.
1391
01:19:01,028 --> 01:19:03,197
Don't stay home tomorrow.
1392
01:19:03,530 --> 01:19:05,658
Come out in your thousands
1393
01:19:05,741 --> 01:19:07,409
and vote for me,
1394
01:19:07,534 --> 01:19:10,496
the only professional candidate.
1395
01:19:10,746 --> 01:19:12,039
Vote for Stoker.
1396
01:19:12,122 --> 01:19:13,249
Stella.
1397
01:19:13,332 --> 01:19:14,917
And keep out the Tory.
1398
01:19:14,959 --> 01:19:17,461
Well, I shall have to
tell her about us.
1399
01:19:17,628 --> 01:19:19,630
I don't know
how I shall tell Robert.
1400
01:19:19,713 --> 01:19:21,507
He'll be utterly shattered.
1401
01:19:21,548 --> 01:19:24,677
But, well... We must.
I mean, it's only right.
1402
01:19:24,843 --> 01:19:26,637
Oh, Bill.
1403
01:19:26,679 --> 01:19:30,182
- Well. Here... Here goes.
- Hello, everybody. This is Stella Stoker,
1404
01:19:30,266 --> 01:19:32,559
your professional
parliamentary candidate
1405
01:19:32,643 --> 01:19:34,853
making a last appeal
for your votes.
1406
01:19:34,979 --> 01:19:36,188
Don't stay at home.
1407
01:19:36,272 --> 01:19:38,148
- Come out and vote.
- Stella! Stella!
1408
01:19:38,274 --> 01:19:39,608
Stella.
1409
01:19:39,692 --> 01:19:41,193
Where have you been
all this time?
1410
01:19:41,277 --> 01:19:42,486
Look, I've got
something to tell you.
1411
01:19:42,569 --> 01:19:43,946
Well, I'm busy.
Can't you see?
1412
01:19:44,029 --> 01:19:45,698
Look, you've got to listen.
Please listen.
1413
01:19:45,781 --> 01:19:48,534
When I got the truth
out of old Glimmer, well, I...
1414
01:19:48,617 --> 01:19:49,743
I sort of saw red, see.
1415
01:19:49,868 --> 01:19:51,412
What are you talking about?
1416
01:19:51,453 --> 01:19:53,789
Well, I'm just trying to tell you
how we met.
1417
01:19:53,872 --> 01:19:56,208
- I went round to knock his block off...
- Whose block?
1418
01:19:56,292 --> 01:19:58,585
Well, the Tory bloke,
what's his name, Wilcot.
1419
01:19:58,669 --> 01:20:01,046
- And then when I was coming out after...
- After what?
1420
01:20:01,130 --> 01:20:03,674
Well, after I clocked him.
And there she was, Stella...
1421
01:20:03,757 --> 01:20:05,050
You hit him?
1422
01:20:05,134 --> 01:20:06,343
Yeah, I knocked him cold.
1423
01:20:06,427 --> 01:20:08,178
- But did you hurt him?
- But, Stella, what I'm trying to...
1424
01:20:08,304 --> 01:20:10,180
Well, who cares!
Look, Stella,
1425
01:20:10,264 --> 01:20:11,432
- I was coming out of the...
- Where is he now?
1426
01:20:11,473 --> 01:20:13,600
I don't know, Stella.
They carried him back to his hotel.
1427
01:20:13,684 --> 01:20:16,603
Carried him? How dare you!
1428
01:20:16,729 --> 01:20:19,356
Who told you to interfere,
you thug?
1429
01:20:19,440 --> 01:20:21,358
You might have killed him!
1430
01:20:21,442 --> 01:20:24,028
Oh, you're just a great big ape!
1431
01:20:27,239 --> 01:20:28,657
Stella!
1432
01:20:29,783 --> 01:20:31,368
Stella!
1433
01:20:31,618 --> 01:20:33,495
Quite comfy, Bobby, dear?
1434
01:20:34,913 --> 01:20:36,999
- You sure you're all right?
- Yes, I'm all right.
1435
01:20:37,082 --> 01:20:39,084
- Here, knock this back.
- Oh.
1436
01:20:39,626 --> 01:20:43,172
I'll just have a word with H-P.
See if the press have gone.
1437
01:20:47,217 --> 01:20:49,428
I've got something to tell you,
Bobby, dear.
1438
01:20:51,180 --> 01:20:54,808
I'm afraid it's going to be
an absolutely frightful blow.
1439
01:20:54,933 --> 01:20:57,561
I do hope you won't do
something too desperate.
1440
01:20:57,853 --> 01:20:59,438
Desperate? Why?
What's the matter?
1441
01:21:00,105 --> 01:21:02,733
I've met someone else.
1442
01:21:04,485 --> 01:21:05,861
No!
1443
01:21:14,328 --> 01:21:19,208
His name's Bill Hemingway
and he's a muscle builder.
1444
01:21:19,291 --> 01:21:21,794
You know,
you cut him on the lip.
1445
01:21:21,919 --> 01:21:23,504
What, him?!
1446
01:21:23,587 --> 01:21:27,174
Yes, we were both
absolutely bowled over.
1447
01:21:27,257 --> 01:21:30,302
Annabel, does he feel
the same way about you?
1448
01:21:30,386 --> 01:21:33,263
Oh, yes. Utterly.
1449
01:21:33,597 --> 01:21:35,307
Annabel!
1450
01:21:39,937 --> 01:21:41,438
Stella!
1451
01:21:42,689 --> 01:21:43,982
Stella!
1452
01:21:44,608 --> 01:21:46,068
Stella!
1453
01:21:47,569 --> 01:21:48,904
Stella.
1454
01:21:49,154 --> 01:21:50,739
S-Stella.
1455
01:21:50,823 --> 01:21:52,908
I thought you said
he was seriously injured!
1456
01:21:52,991 --> 01:21:54,076
Stella!
1457
01:21:54,868 --> 01:21:56,245
Stella!
1458
01:22:09,049 --> 01:22:10,843
What are you doing here?
Get out!
1459
01:22:13,679 --> 01:22:15,806
- Wilcot!
- Stella!
1460
01:22:16,223 --> 01:22:18,142
Blimey, he's kidnapped her!
1461
01:22:45,919 --> 01:22:47,838
But she admits she loves me.
1462
01:22:47,921 --> 01:22:49,882
Well, don't think I'm proud of it.
1463
01:22:49,923 --> 01:22:52,176
I'm disgusted with myself
and I'm determined
1464
01:22:52,259 --> 01:22:54,136
to trample the
beastly thing underfoot.
1465
01:22:54,219 --> 01:22:56,180
Anybody would think
I was a monster.
1466
01:22:56,263 --> 01:22:58,223
No, only a Tory.
1467
01:22:58,348 --> 01:23:01,226
Oh, Stella, darling.
Listen, please!
1468
01:23:01,477 --> 01:23:04,813
Tonight, this whole thing will be over
no matter which one of us wins.
1469
01:23:04,897 --> 01:23:06,356
Well, if you win,
1470
01:23:06,440 --> 01:23:09,568
do you think I'd dream
of marrying a Conservative MP?
1471
01:23:09,651 --> 01:23:12,779
I know it is not very likely, but...
well, supposing you won?
1472
01:23:12,863 --> 01:23:14,406
Well, of course I'll win.
1473
01:23:14,531 --> 01:23:17,075
Then what the devil have you
been arguing about all night?
1474
01:23:17,159 --> 01:23:18,785
The point is, if I win,
1475
01:23:18,911 --> 01:23:21,788
I intend to devote myself
entirely to politics.
1476
01:23:21,914 --> 01:23:23,999
Pshaw and taradiddle.
1477
01:23:24,082 --> 01:23:25,626
I mean it.
1478
01:23:25,709 --> 01:23:27,127
Oh, Stella.
1479
01:23:27,211 --> 01:23:29,296
I couldn't bear to think
of you wasting yourself,
1480
01:23:29,379 --> 01:23:31,632
day after day,
on six hundred MPs.
1481
01:23:31,673 --> 01:23:33,759
Don't worry.
Most of them won't be there.
1482
01:23:34,301 --> 01:23:37,930
You'd have to find some cause
to devote yourself to, I mean...
1483
01:23:38,013 --> 01:23:40,807
- a really worthwhile one.
- But I have.
1484
01:23:41,391 --> 01:23:42,684
Stella Stoker.
1485
01:23:42,809 --> 01:23:44,311
But she's a red menace.
1486
01:23:44,436 --> 01:23:46,021
- Your chairman said so.
- No, she's not.
1487
01:23:46,104 --> 01:23:48,357
She's my favourite shade
of parlour pink.
1488
01:23:49,525 --> 01:23:51,818
It doesn't go
with Tory blue, Robert.
1489
01:23:52,277 --> 01:23:54,905
Look, before you go through
all the colours of the spectrum,
1490
01:23:54,988 --> 01:23:58,242
may I say that I find this conversation
frankly nauseating?
1491
01:24:00,452 --> 01:24:01,495
Well...
1492
01:24:01,578 --> 01:24:02,996
Goodbye, Robert.
1493
01:24:04,289 --> 01:24:05,749
I'll always remember you.
1494
01:24:05,832 --> 01:24:07,584
I don't want to be remembered.
1495
01:24:07,668 --> 01:24:10,003
I want to spend the rest of
my life with you!
1496
01:24:11,838 --> 01:24:13,924
Better let her leave first.
1497
01:24:14,007 --> 01:24:16,426
Besides, you can't go back
in that dressing gown.
1498
01:24:16,552 --> 01:24:18,720
The British voter will never
go for that Noël Coward stuff.
1499
01:24:18,804 --> 01:24:20,973
I shall never be able to
get her out of my mind, Uncle.
1500
01:24:21,056 --> 01:24:23,433
Oh, don't give up entirely,
my boy.
1501
01:24:23,559 --> 01:24:24,434
She wavered.
1502
01:24:24,560 --> 01:24:26,478
She distinctly wavered.
1503
01:24:26,562 --> 01:24:29,398
And, looking on the bright side,
you may not win the election.
1504
01:24:29,481 --> 01:24:32,025
Nothing in life is certain.
1505
01:24:32,109 --> 01:24:35,487
And Providence sometimes uses
the most unexpected devices
1506
01:24:35,571 --> 01:24:36,947
to achieve her ends.
1507
01:24:36,989 --> 01:24:38,740
Well, one thing is certain.
1508
01:24:39,366 --> 01:24:41,076
If I win...
1509
01:24:41,868 --> 01:24:43,287
I lose.
1510
01:24:55,799 --> 01:24:56,883
Stella!
1511
01:24:57,009 --> 01:24:58,552
Thank goodness.
Where have you been?
1512
01:24:58,594 --> 01:25:00,304
What's happened?
We've been searching all around the...
1513
01:25:00,429 --> 01:25:03,307
I didn't expect to find you asleep
on polling day, Glimmer.
1514
01:25:03,348 --> 01:25:05,559
There must be
a hundred things to do.
1515
01:25:05,642 --> 01:25:08,562
Isn't it time you started
to do some of them?
1516
01:25:18,447 --> 01:25:20,157
Sixteen, please.
1517
01:25:21,450 --> 01:25:23,493
Wilcot, so you're back!
1518
01:25:23,619 --> 01:25:26,622
- Where the devil have you been?
- Fishing.
1519
01:25:26,663 --> 01:25:30,584
We've been scouring the countryside
all night. I haven't slept a wink.
1520
01:25:30,667 --> 01:25:33,795
That is the best bit of news
I've heard for years.
1521
01:25:38,967 --> 01:25:40,510
Not bad, Hardy.
1522
01:25:40,594 --> 01:25:43,597
Nature obviously
intended me for a signwriter.
1523
01:25:48,727 --> 01:25:50,354
Oh, no. Halt!
1524
01:25:50,562 --> 01:25:53,023
Up with it, Hardy!
Up, up, up!
1525
01:25:58,153 --> 01:26:00,072
- Look out, sir!
- Splint...
1526
01:26:04,451 --> 01:26:05,994
Are you all right, sir?
1527
01:26:07,079 --> 01:26:08,413
No.
1528
01:26:08,955 --> 01:26:10,624
No, blast it, I'm not.
1529
01:26:11,041 --> 01:26:12,959
No, no, no.
Better not move me.
1530
01:26:13,669 --> 01:26:15,837
I think this is a case for the vet.
1531
01:26:16,296 --> 01:26:17,506
Call Dr Rushall.
1532
01:26:20,592 --> 01:26:24,429
Voting in the by-election
is in full swing at Earndale.
1533
01:26:24,680 --> 01:26:28,225
At midnight, the result will be declared
from the Earndale town hall.
1534
01:26:28,684 --> 01:26:30,769
Which of them will win?
1535
01:26:48,370 --> 01:26:49,830
- How's it going?
- Neck and neck, I think.
1536
01:26:49,913 --> 01:26:51,623
I'm afraid you can't smoke here.
1537
01:26:58,588 --> 01:26:59,923
Evening, Wilcot.
1538
01:27:00,006 --> 01:27:02,008
- Evening, Mr Pottle.
- Ssh!
1539
01:27:24,364 --> 01:27:26,616
Can you both
come up here, please?
1540
01:27:29,911 --> 01:27:32,789
There's a margin of
just twenty-four votes in Wilcot's favour.
1541
01:27:33,582 --> 01:27:35,333
- We'd like a recount.
- Yes, sir.
1542
01:27:37,335 --> 01:27:39,755
We have a majority of twenty-four
on the first counts.
1543
01:27:39,838 --> 01:27:42,507
Splendid!
They'll be frying tonight!
1544
01:27:42,716 --> 01:27:44,092
They've asked
for a recount, of course.
1545
01:27:44,217 --> 01:27:46,428
- Oh, yes, of course.
- Oh, good.
1546
01:27:46,511 --> 01:27:48,597
Oh, really?
1547
01:27:48,764 --> 01:27:50,056
Well done!
1548
01:27:50,140 --> 01:27:52,267
Well, it's not over yet, you know.
There's always the recount.
1549
01:27:52,350 --> 01:27:54,144
Don't forget the recount.
1550
01:28:03,987 --> 01:28:06,448
Mr Glimmer. Mr Harding-Pratt.
1551
01:28:11,286 --> 01:28:13,163
Well, that's ten thousand,
three hundred and eighteen,
1552
01:28:13,246 --> 01:28:14,956
we've got ten thousand
three hundred and twenty...
1553
01:28:15,248 --> 01:28:17,417
Margin of ten votes
in Miss Stoker's favour.
1554
01:28:17,959 --> 01:28:20,545
- We'd like a recount, please.
- Yes, sir.
1555
01:28:25,133 --> 01:28:28,303
I'm afraid it's gone the other way
this time. Majority of ten in her favour.
1556
01:28:28,386 --> 01:28:30,555
- Oh dear.
- That's bad.
1557
01:28:30,680 --> 01:28:32,432
Well, we've asked for
a recount, of course.
1558
01:28:32,516 --> 01:28:34,559
Oh, is that absolutely necessary?
1559
01:28:34,643 --> 01:28:36,102
Of course!
1560
01:28:52,786 --> 01:28:54,663
I, John Bates,
1561
01:28:54,913 --> 01:28:57,624
being the returning officer
at the election
1562
01:28:57,707 --> 01:29:00,210
for the constituency of Earndale,
1563
01:29:00,293 --> 01:29:04,756
hereby declare the number
of votes recorded for each candidate
1564
01:29:05,006 --> 01:29:08,385
after no fewer than four recounts.
1565
01:29:10,262 --> 01:29:11,805
Wilcot...
1566
01:29:11,930 --> 01:29:14,558
ten thousand,
three hundred and twenty-three.
1567
01:29:17,102 --> 01:29:18,395
Stoker...
1568
01:29:18,520 --> 01:29:20,856
ten thousand
three hundred and one.
1569
01:29:24,276 --> 01:29:26,820
Majority, twenty-two.
1570
01:29:28,864 --> 01:29:33,743
Electors of Earndale, I present to you
your new member, Robert Wilcot.
1571
01:29:33,994 --> 01:29:36,663
Congratulations, Mr Wilcot.
1572
01:29:43,879 --> 01:29:45,797
Tell them they've made you
a very happy man.
1573
01:29:45,881 --> 01:29:47,048
What?
1574
01:29:47,549 --> 01:29:49,009
Oh, yes. Um...
1575
01:29:49,092 --> 01:29:51,720
You have made me
a very happy man.
1576
01:29:53,763 --> 01:29:58,310
And I would just like to thank
all my helpers and my supporters
1577
01:29:58,393 --> 01:30:01,229
for putting me
where I am tonight.
1578
01:30:02,856 --> 01:30:05,609
My success was entirely due to them.
1579
01:30:06,776 --> 01:30:07,861
He's right there.
1580
01:30:07,944 --> 01:30:11,114
Well, it's all over now, Bert.
Pity one side had to get the chopper.
1581
01:30:11,197 --> 01:30:12,824
Oh, no hard feelings, old pal.
1582
01:30:13,199 --> 01:30:15,201
And now, the gallant loser.
1583
01:30:19,080 --> 01:30:20,540
Well...
1584
01:30:20,999 --> 01:30:22,417
I've lost.
1585
01:30:23,418 --> 01:30:24,544
As it was, well...
1586
01:30:24,669 --> 01:30:26,463
someone had to win,
1587
01:30:26,546 --> 01:30:30,133
and I sincerely congratulate
my Conservative opponent.
1588
01:30:33,511 --> 01:30:36,306
Well, now it's all over, Bert,
how about a drink?
1589
01:30:36,389 --> 01:30:39,309
- I can hardly wait, old pal.
- Come along, old man. Here we go.
1590
01:30:41,019 --> 01:30:43,146
Congratulations, Mr Wilcot.
1591
01:30:47,734 --> 01:30:51,488
- I'm sorry it had to end like this.
- So am I.
1592
01:30:51,947 --> 01:30:54,574
Because I haven't won, really.
1593
01:30:54,699 --> 01:30:55,784
I've lost.
1594
01:31:07,087 --> 01:31:08,380
Darling Robert.
1595
01:31:09,631 --> 01:31:12,676
Stella. Oh, Stella, my dear.
1596
01:31:12,884 --> 01:31:14,844
MAN: Oh, I say!
1597
01:31:31,569 --> 01:31:33,989
- Mr Harding-Pratt, sir.
- Yes?
1598
01:31:34,072 --> 01:31:35,448
I've got some terrible news, sir.
1599
01:31:35,532 --> 01:31:36,741
I know, we're watching it.
1600
01:31:36,825 --> 01:31:38,702
I must tell Mr Robert, sir.
1601
01:31:38,743 --> 01:31:40,662
His uncle has passed away.
1602
01:31:40,745 --> 01:31:42,288
Oh, no, he hasn't!
1603
01:31:42,414 --> 01:31:44,124
I've come to inform Mr Robert
1604
01:31:44,249 --> 01:31:47,043
that he's been Lord Wilcot
since ten forty-eight.
1605
01:31:56,302 --> 01:31:57,804
Glimmer, do you realise
what this means?
1606
01:31:57,887 --> 01:31:59,514
He'll never be able
to take his seat.
1607
01:31:59,597 --> 01:32:02,267
He'll go straight to the House of Lords.
The election's no go.
1608
01:32:02,308 --> 01:32:05,395
We'll have to fight the whole
blasted campaign all over again.
1609
01:32:07,731 --> 01:32:08,857
And I thought we fixed 'em.
1610
01:32:08,898 --> 01:32:11,192
Oh, we fixed 'em all right.
Pity we didn't leave 'em alone.
1611
01:32:11,276 --> 01:32:12,819
Well, it was your idea, old man.
1612
01:32:12,902 --> 01:32:14,988
Who telephoned me
in the first place?
1613
01:32:15,071 --> 01:32:17,323
Are you trying to
pin the blame on me?
1614
01:32:17,449 --> 01:32:19,367
Glimmer, are you trying
to wriggle out of this?
1615
01:32:19,451 --> 01:32:22,787
Oh, now listen, just because you mucked
the whole thing up like a proper Charlie.
1616
01:32:22,912 --> 01:32:25,165
You appalling little squirt!
1617
01:32:25,582 --> 01:32:27,167
Take the hot potato
out of your mouth.
1618
01:32:27,208 --> 01:32:29,294
Try and talk like a
normal human being.
1619
01:32:29,377 --> 01:32:31,838
I've always thought of you
as a flashy little counter-jumper
1620
01:32:31,921 --> 01:32:33,131
and by gad, I was right.
1621
01:32:33,214 --> 01:32:36,051
You're crude, Glimmer,
helplessly, painfully crude!
1622
01:32:36,134 --> 01:32:37,802
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!
1623
01:32:37,886 --> 01:32:41,306
Harding-Pratt?
Whoa, what a name, what a face!
1624
01:32:41,389 --> 01:32:43,058
- You oaf!
- You drip!
1625
01:32:43,141 --> 01:32:45,435
- You... lout!
- Oh! Go on...
1626
01:32:45,518 --> 01:32:47,562
- Don't speak to me like that!
- Now, just wait a minute, son.
1627
01:32:47,645 --> 01:32:49,105
No! Here, don't...
1628
01:32:49,230 --> 01:32:50,356
No, you won't.
1629
01:32:50,440 --> 01:32:52,609
Get out!
118913
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