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1
00:00:02,969 --> 00:00:04,336
"LAST MAN STANDING"WAS RECORDED
2
00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:06,271
IN FRONT OF A LIVESTUDIO AUDIENCE.
3
00:00:06,273 --> 00:00:08,674
[ SIGHS ]
4
00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:11,610
HAPPY SUNDAY, SIR.
AND MRS. SIR.
5
00:00:11,612 --> 00:00:13,278
KYLE,
WE'RE NOT MARRIED.
6
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:14,780
WE'RE JUST HAVING
A BABY TOGETHER.
7
00:00:14,782 --> 00:00:16,515
HOW OLD-FASHIONED
DO YOU THINK WE ARE?
8
00:00:17,717 --> 00:00:19,385
THANKS FOR THE LIFT, HONEY.
YEAH.
9
00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:21,387
IT'S A PLEASURE DRIVING
YOU ANYWHERE, EDDIE.
10
00:00:21,389 --> 00:00:23,022
I DON'T KNOW HOW
I'M GONNA GET HOME
11
00:00:23,024 --> 00:00:24,723
WITHOUT SOMEONE TELLING ME
I'M TOO CLOSE
12
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:26,125
TO THE CAR
IN FRONT OF ME.
13
00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:28,460
ONE CAR LENGTH FOR
EVERY 10 MILES AN HOUR.
14
00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:30,529
REMEMBER, YOU'RE CARRYING
PRECIOUS CARGO.
15
00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:32,831
I KNOW. YOUR CONGA DRUMS
ARE IN THE BACK.
16
00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:33,832
[ BOTH SMOOCH ]
17
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,134
ALL RIGHT.
HAVE A GOOD DAY.
18
00:00:35,136 --> 00:00:37,569
[ Grunting ] THERE WE GO.
ALL RIGHT.
19
00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:40,806
SO, WHAT'S THIS MORNING'S
MYSTERY PASTRY?
20
00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:42,408
OKAY, I DON'T
WANT TO GIVE IT AWAY...
UH-HUH.
21
00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:44,143
...BUT BEAR IN MIND,
22
00:00:44,145 --> 00:00:46,979
AN ANIMAL WOULD LOVE TO
GET HIS CLAWS ON THIS.
23
00:00:46,981 --> 00:00:49,248
I'M GONNA GO
WITH "BEARCLAW."
24
00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:51,884
NO,
IT'S AN APPLE FRITTER.
25
00:00:52,919 --> 00:00:54,253
GET IT?
26
00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:56,688
BEARS FRITTER AWAY THEIR DAY
EATING APPLES.
27
00:00:56,690 --> 00:01:00,092
WHAT KIND OF A CRAZY BEAR
WOULD EAT HIS OWN CLAW?
28
00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:03,128
IT'S AWFULLY EARLY
FOR THIS, SON.
29
00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:12,271
[ SIGHS ]
30
00:01:12,273 --> 00:01:15,574
ANOTHER DAY IS RISING
ON MY KINGDOM.
31
00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:18,911
[ CHUCKLES ] I-I TREASURE
THE CHANCE TO INSPECT MY DOMAIN
32
00:01:18,913 --> 00:01:21,380
BEFORE ALL THE CUSTOMERS
ARRIVE, HUH?
YEAH.
33
00:01:21,382 --> 00:01:24,083
YEAH.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL LIKE THIS.
34
00:01:24,085 --> 00:01:27,586
I WISH THE STORE COULD
ALWAYS BE TOTALLY EMPTY.
35
00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:30,122
THAT'S A SOLID
BUSINESS PLAN.
36
00:01:30,124 --> 00:01:31,623
ALL RIGHT,
STORE OPENS IN AN HOUR.
37
00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:33,625
TAKE A LOOK AROUND
AND TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE.
38
00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:35,594
YEP.
OKAY, WELL,
I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE --
39
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:38,397
STOP IT. DO IT RIGHT.
COME ON.
40
00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:40,699
UM, WELL, THE SPACING ON
THE JACKET RACK IS UNEVEN, SIR.
41
00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:41,967
THAT'S GOOD. GOOD.
WHAT ELSE?
42
00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:43,602
OH, THERE'S
A MANNEQUIN DOWN.
43
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,704
OOH, NEVER GOOD
IN THE HUNTING DEPARTMENT.
44
00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:47,473
SENDS THE WRONG MESSAGE.
45
00:01:47,475 --> 00:01:49,875
LOOKS LIKE HIS BUDDY SENT HIM
TO MANNEQUIN HEAVEN, HUH?
46
00:01:49,877 --> 00:01:52,044
OH, NO. MANNEQUINS
DON'T GO TO HEAVEN, SIR.
47
00:01:52,046 --> 00:01:53,946
THEY'RE NOT PEOPLE
OR OWLS.
48
00:01:53,948 --> 00:01:55,380
AH, I SEE.
49
00:01:55,382 --> 00:01:57,249
I KNOW THESE SUNDAY MORNING
WALK-THROUGHS
50
00:01:57,251 --> 00:02:00,119
ARE IMPORTANT TO YOU,
BUT I DO MISS GOING TO CHURCH.
51
00:02:00,121 --> 00:02:01,887
UH-HUH.
AND MY PASTOR BROUGHT UP
THAT I'VE BEEN MISSING
52
00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:03,288
A LOT OF SERVICES.
53
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:06,158
HMM, WELL, TELL YOUR PASTOR
YOU WORK SUNDAYS
54
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:07,893
AND THAT HE SOUNDS
A LITTLE PUSHY.
55
00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:09,561
HUH?
56
00:02:09,563 --> 00:02:12,831
DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT
THE TIME I MET SAMMY DAVIS JR.?
57
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:14,399
IT WAS IN
THE PRODUCE DEPARTMENT
58
00:02:14,401 --> 00:02:16,969
OF A SUPERMARKET
IN CHERRY HILL, NEW JERSEY.
59
00:02:16,971 --> 00:02:18,804
THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED
YOU NEVER SLAP A GUY
60
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:20,806
WITH A GLASS EYE
ON THE BACK, NO.
61
00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:22,241
[ STAMMERS ]
62
00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:23,675
E-ESPECIALLY
NEAR THE GRAPES.
63
00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:25,577
I MEAN...
[ CHUCKLES ]
64
00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:29,581
-- Captions by VITAC --
65
00:02:32,418 --> 00:02:34,419
OH-HO-HO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
66
00:02:34,421 --> 00:02:36,121
HEY.
WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
67
00:02:36,123 --> 00:02:38,857
CAN'T BE ANYTHING
YOUR MOM SAID.
68
00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:40,926
YOU KNOW, INSULTING
THE PERSON MAKING YOUR STEW?
69
00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:42,661
THAT IS PRETTY
"STEW-PID."
70
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,096
[ CHUCKLES ]
71
00:02:44,098 --> 00:02:46,765
YOU JUST MAKE MY POINT.
REALLY, WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
72
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:50,335
MANDY'S JUST SHOWING US
SELFIES ON HER PHONE.
OH.
73
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:51,603
Mandy: I'M NOT SHOWING THEM
ALL MY SELFIES.
74
00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:53,639
DON'T SCROLL TOO FAR
TO THE RIGHT PLEASE.
75
00:02:53,641 --> 00:02:55,107
THANK YOU.
76
00:02:55,109 --> 00:02:58,710
OKAY, #SundayDinner
WithMyBeautifulFam.
77
00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:01,380
DAD! NO,
YOU'RE IN MY SHOT.
78
00:03:01,382 --> 00:03:04,149
THE MOST OVER-DOCUMENTED
GENERATION EVER.
79
00:03:04,151 --> 00:03:05,484
NEIL ARMSTRONG
LANDED ON THE MOON,
80
00:03:05,486 --> 00:03:07,186
ONLY TOOK FIVE PICTURES
OF HIMSELF.
81
00:03:07,188 --> 00:03:09,555
MANDY TAKES FIVE OF HERSELF
JUST WALKING OUT THE DOOR.
82
00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:11,490
AH, TO BE FAIR,
83
00:03:11,492 --> 00:03:14,726
MANY OF MY FASHION CHOICES
ARE A GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND.
84
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:16,795
WAIT, SO, THAT ARMSTRONG GUY
WALKED ON THE MOON
85
00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:18,297
AND HE WON
THE TOUR DE FRANCE?
86
00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:22,467
MAYBE
I SHOULD TRY STEROIDS.
87
00:03:22,469 --> 00:03:24,870
YOU SHOULD
TRY SOMETHING.
88
00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,505
YOU KNOW WHAT? I AGREE
WITH YOU ABOUT SELFIES.
89
00:03:26,507 --> 00:03:28,740
THE INTERNET IS CLUTTERED
WITH WORTHLESS IMAGES.
90
00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:31,743
SORRY. WORTHLESS?
TRY TELLING THAT TO MY 50 LIKES.
91
00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:33,078
[ CHUCKLES ]
92
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:34,413
ACTUALLY, I DO TAKE
A LOT OF SELFIES
93
00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:35,981
WHEN I'M DRIVING
MY BEER TRUCK.
94
00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:37,583
BUT I'M USING THEM
TO MAKE A STATEMENT.
95
00:03:37,585 --> 00:03:38,884
WHAT'S THE STATEMENT?
96
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:40,219
"I DRIVE AN 18-WHEELER
WITH MY KNEE"?
97
00:03:40,221 --> 00:03:41,587
YOU KNOW WHAT?
98
00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:43,222
YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL
WHEN YOU'RE ON THE ROAD.
99
00:03:43,224 --> 00:03:46,325
WE WOULDN'T WANT ANYTHING
TO HAPPEN TO ALL THAT COLD BEER.
100
00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:49,094
I PULL OVER ALONG MY ROUTE AND
I TAKE THESE PROTEST SELFIES.
101
00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:51,196
HE'S DRAWING ATTENTION
TO VARIOUS INJUSTICES.
102
00:03:51,198 --> 00:03:52,431
MM-HMM.
OOH, THANKS.
103
00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:53,765
THIS IS ME AT
WARREN AIR FORCE BASE,
104
00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:56,435
WHERE WE STOCKPILE
OUR NUKES.
105
00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:57,603
NICE JOB, HIPPIE.
106
00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:59,338
WHY DON'T YOU JUST
DRAW ISIS A MAP?
107
00:04:00,873 --> 00:04:04,576
AND THIS IS ME IN FRONT OF THE
"OUR LADY OF THE ROCKIES" STATUE
108
00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:05,877
IN BUTTE, MONTANA.
109
00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:07,713
"THESE MOUNTAINS
ALREADY HAD RELIGION"?
110
00:04:07,715 --> 00:04:09,281
MM-HMM.
WHAT?
111
00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:11,250
YEAH, A GROUP OF CHRISTIANS
PUT UP A 90-FOOT STATUE
112
00:04:11,252 --> 00:04:12,851
OF THE VIRGIN MARY.
113
00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:14,286
IT'S IN MOUNTAINS SACRED
TO NATIVE AMERICANS, OKAY?
114
00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:16,955
IT'S AN AFFRONT.
MM. I DON'T KNOW.
115
00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:19,091
ANY WOMAN WILLING TO GIVE BIRTH
WITHOUT GETTING TO HAVE SEX
116
00:04:19,093 --> 00:04:21,927
DESERVES A STATUE.
117
00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:24,596
IT'S NOT COOL TO
DISRESPECT ANYONE'S MOM.
118
00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:26,632
ESPECIALLY JESUS'.
119
00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:28,734
IT IS THE NATIVE AMERICANS WHO
HAVE BEEN DISRESPECTED, OKAY?
120
00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:30,902
I'M JUST SPREADING THE WORD LIKE
YOU DO WITH YOUR VLOGS, MIKE.
121
00:04:30,904 --> 00:04:32,971
I JUST SELL HUNTING
AND CAMPING GEAR.
122
00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:35,907
WHILE CRITICIZING THE FAILED
POLICIES OF OUR PRESIDENT.
123
00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:37,776
SO THE VLOGS WORK.
YOU ADMIT HE FAILED.
124
00:04:39,045 --> 00:04:40,979
OH, MAN, RYAN,
YOU ONLY GOT TWO LIKES?
125
00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:43,382
THAT'S REALLY SAD.
YOU GOT TO UP YOUR HASHTAG GAME.
126
00:04:43,384 --> 00:04:46,652
TRY STUFF LIKE #hot, #love,
#side-boob.
127
00:04:48,888 --> 00:04:53,759
#GoingToHellForTalkingAbout
VirginMaryAndSide-boobs.
128
00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:56,061
IT'S NOT FAIR THAT HE CAN
SAY WHATEVER HE WANTS
129
00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:58,897
ABOUT JESUS
AND HIS 90-FOOT MOM.
130
00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:02,100
THE FIRST AMENDMENT, KID --
FREE SPEECH.
131
00:05:02,102 --> 00:05:03,869
YOU KNOW, EVEN IF
IT'S THE SPEECH OF A JACKASS.
132
00:05:05,171 --> 00:05:07,239
DO I HAVE AN AMENDMENT
FOR MY FREEDOM OF RELIGION?
133
00:05:07,241 --> 00:05:09,574
[ Chuckling ]
IT'S THE SAME ONE.
134
00:05:09,576 --> 00:05:11,276
YOU CAN PRACTICE WHATEVER
RELIGION YOU WANT.
135
00:05:11,278 --> 00:05:12,644
NOBODY CAN TELL YOU
ANY DIFFERENT.
136
00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:13,979
OH, THANKS, MR. B.
137
00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:15,847
I-I DIDN'T WRITE IT.
138
00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:17,816
YOU KNOW WHAT? AND THANK YOU
FOR SUPPORTING MY RIGHT
139
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:20,452
TO BE A JACKASS AND SPEAK
MY MIND. IT MEANS A LOT TO ME.
140
00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:22,421
AND I'LL CALL YOU A JACKASS
ANYTIME YOU WANT ME TO.
141
00:05:22,423 --> 00:05:24,923
"JACKASS."
142
00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:27,693
SOUNDS LIKE RYAN'S GOT
A NEW NICKNAME, MR. B.
143
00:05:27,695 --> 00:05:30,329
[ Chuckling ] THAT'S JUST
'CAUSE DUMBASS WAS TAKEN.
144
00:05:30,331 --> 00:05:33,332
[ Chuckling ] OH, MAN, YOU
DODGED A BULLET THERE, RYAN.
145
00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:39,671
HEY, DAD, A COUPLE MORE THINGS
ABOUT THE RESTAURANT.
146
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,440
SO,
FOR THE LIQUOR LICENSE,
147
00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:44,543
WE NEED TO DECIDE BETWEEN JUST
BEER AND WINE OR A FULL BAR.
148
00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:47,379
WE'RE GETTING PEOPLE
USED TO YAK MEAT -- FULL BAR.
149
00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:49,114
OH, I'LL GET ON IT.
150
00:05:49,116 --> 00:05:51,183
AND THE CONTRACTOR THINKS
THAT WE SHOULD CLOSE THE STORE
151
00:05:51,185 --> 00:05:53,185
FOR TWO FULL DAYS
WHILE WE DEMO.
152
00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:54,886
ED'S TOO CHEAP FOR THAT.
153
00:05:54,888 --> 00:05:56,388
I HAVE A HARD TIME GETTING HIM
TO SHUT THE PLACE DOWN AT NIGHT.
154
00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:58,056
GO TO THE WAREHOUSE,
155
00:05:58,058 --> 00:05:59,658
WE'LL JUST GET THE BARRIERS UP
THAT SAY "PARDON OUR MESS."
156
00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:01,760
OR BETTER YET, BORROW THEM
FROM THE WHITE HOUSE.
157
00:06:05,998 --> 00:06:08,633
HEY, MR. ALZATE,
I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU
158
00:06:08,635 --> 00:06:10,202
ABOUT OUR SUNDAY-MORNING
WALK-THROUGHS.
159
00:06:10,204 --> 00:06:14,339
YES, ME TOO, KYLE.
NO MORE APPLE FRITTERS.
160
00:06:14,341 --> 00:06:16,541
I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW IMPORTANT
THAT BRAN MUFFIN WAS
161
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,744
TO THE REST OF MY WEEK.
162
00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:21,213
NO, I'VE DECIDED I'M NOT
COMING IN ON SUNDAYS ANYMORE.
163
00:06:21,215 --> 00:06:22,981
IT'S THE LORD'S DAY
OF REST.
164
00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:24,850
YES, IT'S THE LORD'S
DAY OF REST.
165
00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:26,885
YOU CREATE THE UNIVERSE
IN SIX DAYS,
166
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:28,720
YOU CAN TAKE
SUNDAY OFF, TOO.
167
00:06:30,723 --> 00:06:33,325
BUT I WANT TO EXERCISE
MY FREEDOM OF RELIGION.
168
00:06:33,327 --> 00:06:35,327
WHERE ARE YOU GETTING
THIS NONSENSE?
169
00:06:35,329 --> 00:06:36,695
THE CONSTITUTION.
170
00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:39,398
AND AN EVEN HIGHER
AUTHORITY -- MR. B.
171
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:42,434
WELL, I ADMIRE
THIS NEW ASSERTIVE ATTITUDE.
172
00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:44,703
IT'S EXACTLY THE KIND OF THING
I'LL LOOK FOR
173
00:06:44,705 --> 00:06:46,405
IN THE GUY I HIRE
TO REPLACE YOU.
174
00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:49,408
WAIT.
SO YOU'RE SAYING NO?
175
00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:52,411
DON'T WORRY. I'LL PUT IN A GOOD
WORD FOR YOU WITH THE LORD.
176
00:06:52,413 --> 00:06:56,715
ALL RIGHT? CHANCES ARE I'LL BE
SEEING HIM BEFORE YOU DO.
177
00:06:56,717 --> 00:06:58,717
UNLESS YOU KEEP
BUGGING ME ABOUT THIS.
178
00:06:58,719 --> 00:07:00,018
BUT YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
179
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:01,520
PLEASE, PLEASE,
END OF DISCUSSION.
180
00:07:01,522 --> 00:07:02,721
ED.
YEAH?
181
00:07:02,723 --> 00:07:04,189
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT -- WHOA!
182
00:07:04,191 --> 00:07:05,624
WHAT?
DID YOU ROB A PHARMACY?
183
00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:07,292
MM.
184
00:07:07,294 --> 00:07:09,861
I REQUIRE
A LOT OF MAINTENANCE.
185
00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:11,129
I WANT TO TALK
ABOUT THE OUTDOOR MAN GRILL.
186
00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:12,230
EXCUSE US
FOR A MINUTE.
187
00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:13,632
NO, MIKE,
I'VE GOT A HEADACHE.
188
00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:16,535
HEY, I-I'LL PRAY FOR
YOUR HEADACHE, MR. ALZATE.
189
00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:19,404
IF GOD EVEN REMEMBERS
WHO I AM.
190
00:07:19,406 --> 00:07:20,572
WHAT'S WITH THE KID?
191
00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:22,908
OH,
KYLE WANTS SUNDAY OFF.
192
00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:26,978
SOMEONE PUT IT IN HIS HEAD THAT
IT'S HIS CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT.
193
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:28,880
SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM
LETTING HIM HAVE SUNDAY OFF?
194
00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:30,749
YOU COULD GET SOMEBODY ELSE
TO COME BY THE STORE
195
00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:33,118
AND READ STORIES
TO THE TROUT.
196
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,253
IT'S A SLIPPERY SLOPE,
MIKE.
197
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:36,822
PEOPLE LIKE
SLIPPERY SLOPES.
198
00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:38,790
JUST TRY TO GO TO VAIL
ON THE WEEKEND.
199
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,792
IF I GIVE KYLE
THE DAY OFF,
200
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,661
EVERYBODY ELSE
WILL WANT THEIR HOLIDAY,
201
00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:44,996
AND THIS HANUKKAH
CAN POP UP ANYTIME.
202
00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:47,666
THEY'RE ALWAYS MOVING IT AROUND.
I DON'T TRUST IT.
203
00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:50,735
YOU GIVE GUYS THE DAY OFF
TO GO TO THE BRONCOS GAMES.
204
00:07:50,737 --> 00:07:52,270
THAT'S 16 TIMES A YEAR.
205
00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:55,941
WELL, LET'S NOT FORGET
THE ONE PLAYOFF GAME.
206
00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:58,109
WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON
WITH YOU RIGHT NOW?
207
00:07:58,111 --> 00:07:59,744
I'M TRYING TO RUN
A BUSINESS.
YEAH?
208
00:07:59,746 --> 00:08:01,279
KYLE WORKS SUNDAYS,
AND THAT'S IT!
209
00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:02,747
WELL, IF YOU GET CRANKY
ABOUT IT,
210
00:08:02,749 --> 00:08:03,949
MAYBE I'LL TAKE
THE REST OF THE DAY OFF.
211
00:08:03,951 --> 00:08:06,151
I THINK IT ACTUALLY
IS HANUKKAH.
212
00:08:13,192 --> 00:08:15,694
GUYS, CHECK IT OUT --
BECAUSE OF MY ADVICE,
213
00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:20,465
RYAN IS UP TO 2,000 FOLLOWERS
FOR HIS PROTEST AGAINST STATUES.
214
00:08:20,467 --> 00:08:21,833
WHAT?
215
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,468
THAT'S ONLY 27 MILLION LESS
216
00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:26,338
THAN THAT CHAIN-SMOKING BABY
ON THE INTERNET.
217
00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:28,773
BABIES CAN SMOKE?
218
00:08:28,775 --> 00:08:30,475
YES, BOYD.
219
00:08:30,477 --> 00:08:32,844
BECAUSE CONSTANTLY
THROWING UP AND POOPING
220
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:35,046
DOESN'T MAKE THEM
DISGUSTING ENOUGH.
221
00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:37,682
WHY DON'T YOU GO UPSTAIRS
AND PLAY BEFORE DINNER, OKAY?
222
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,384
OKAY.
223
00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:42,721
IT'S GREAT THAT RYAN'S SELFIES
ARE STARTING TO HAVE AN IMPACT.
224
00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:44,155
HE'S BEEN
TRAVELING SO MUCH,
225
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:45,657
HE'S HAD TO NEGLECT
HIS OTHER CAUSES.
226
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:46,992
I KNOW.
227
00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:48,693
NOW'S THE TIME
TO CHOP DOWN THE RAINFORESTS
228
00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:49,895
AND PIG OUT ON DOLPHIN.
229
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,831
DO NOT SAY THAT
AROUND DAD.
230
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:54,499
HE'LL WANT TO SERVE DOLPHIN
BURGERS AT OUTDOOR MAN GRILL.
231
00:08:54,501 --> 00:08:55,800
Vanessa: ALL RIGHT,
YOU KNOW WHAT?
232
00:08:55,802 --> 00:08:57,969
LET'S GET POLITICS OUT
BEFORE DINNER
233
00:08:57,971 --> 00:08:59,738
BECAUSE I AM MAKING
A GREEK SALAD HERE,
234
00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:02,073
WHICH SOMEHOW YOUR FATHER
WILL TURN INTO A LECTURE
235
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:04,075
ON THE DECLINE
OF THE EURO.
236
00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:06,378
I'VE NOTICED A DECLINE
IN EUROS LATELY, TOO.
237
00:09:06,380 --> 00:09:10,015
I THINK THEY'RE GETTING REALLY
STINGY WITH THAT YOGURT SAUCE.
238
00:09:10,017 --> 00:09:13,184
WELL, LOOK WHO'S
ALL DRESSED UP.
WOW! YEAH.
239
00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:14,553
WHO DIED?
240
00:09:14,555 --> 00:09:16,454
JESUS.
241
00:09:17,924 --> 00:09:19,991
YEAH, FOR OUR SINS.
BUT THEN HE CAME BACK.
242
00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:21,860
THERE'S A WHOLE BOOK
ABOUT IT.
243
00:09:21,862 --> 00:09:23,228
HOW WAS CHURCH, BABE?
244
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:24,729
OH, REAL GOOD.
245
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,531
I HADN'T BEEN TO A SUNDAY
MORNING SERVICE IN MONTHS.
246
00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:31,002
AND THE SERMON WAS GREAT.
WE ARE ALL DOOMED.
247
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:35,073
WHOA. HEY, BABE, I THOUGHT YOU
WERE ON A DELIVERY RUN TO YUMA.
248
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,008
I HAVE BEEN SUSPENDED.
249
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:40,045
MY PROTEST PICS HAVE COME
TO THE ATTENTION OF THE MAN.
250
00:09:40,047 --> 00:09:43,348
AND THE MAN IS
COMING DOWN ON ME, MAN.
251
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:45,884
OH, I AM REALLY SORRY
TO HEAR THAT, MAN.
252
00:09:45,886 --> 00:09:48,920
OH, GOD, NOW YOU
GOT ME SAYING IT.
253
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:51,089
MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE
GONE UP AGAINST GOD.
254
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:52,591
HE CAN BE VERY VENGEFUL.
255
00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:54,593
I THOUGHT THAT GOD
WAS PURE LOVE.
256
00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:57,429
YEAH, BUT HE'S NOT
A BIG WUSS ABOUT IT.
257
00:09:57,431 --> 00:09:59,864
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. HOW LONG
ARE YOU GONNA BE SUSPENDED?
258
00:09:59,866 --> 00:10:01,566
JUST TILL I TAKE DOWN
THE PROTEST SELFIES.
259
00:10:01,568 --> 00:10:03,435
YOU KNOW, AND FINALLY WHEN I'M
STARTING TO CONNECT WITH PEOPLE,
260
00:10:03,437 --> 00:10:04,936
THEY TAKE AWAY MY VOICE.
261
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:07,205
YOU'RE LIKE THE LITTLE MERMAID
OF BEER-TRUCK DRIVERS.
262
00:10:08,407 --> 00:10:11,109
GROCERY STORE WAS PACKED.
263
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,411
HEY, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING HERE?
264
00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:15,647
GOOD TO SEE YOU,
TOO, MIKE.
265
00:10:15,649 --> 00:10:17,782
KRIS SAID YOU COULDN'T MAKE IT
TO SUNDAY DINNER.
266
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:20,251
THE ONLY VEGETABLE I GOT
WAS CHICKEN.
267
00:10:20,253 --> 00:10:23,321
RYAN GOT SUSPENDED
OVER HIS PROTEST SELFIES.
268
00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:25,323
YEAH, HE HAD TO TURN
IN HIS BEADED BACKREST
269
00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:28,793
AND HIS TINY, LITTLE
PINE-TREE AIR FRESHENER.
270
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:31,730
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
YOU CANNOT LOSE THAT JOB.
271
00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:33,565
I AM GONNA CAVE
AND TAKE DOWN THE PHOTOS.
272
00:10:33,567 --> 00:10:35,767
THAT'S A GOOD CHOICE.
273
00:10:35,769 --> 00:10:38,403
I THOUGHT YOU SUPPORTED
MY RIGHT TO FREE SPEECH, MIKE?
274
00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:40,238
I DO, BUT I ALSO SUPPORT
YOUR COMPANY'S RIGHT
275
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,073
TO TELL YOU TO STUFF IT.
276
00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:44,776
YOU KNOW, YOU PROBABLY
SHOULDN'T HAVE WORN YOUR UNIFORM
277
00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:46,411
IN THE SELFIES, GENIUS.
278
00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:48,947
NOT A LOT OF PROTESTS
ARE CORPORATE SPONSORED.
279
00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:52,250
BEER DRINKERS DON'T WANT TO KNOW
ABOUT WORLD PROBLEMS.
280
00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:55,420
THAT'S WHY
THEY DRINK BEER.
281
00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:58,289
YOU GET TO DO YOUR VLOGS
AND EXPRESS YOUR OPINION
WHENEVER YOU WANT.
282
00:10:58,291 --> 00:11:00,692
THAT'S BECAUSE MANAGEMENT
APPROVES OF MY MESSAGE.
283
00:11:00,694 --> 00:11:02,861
OF COURSE,
YOU'RE MANAGEMENT.
284
00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:06,431
WELL, THAT DOES STREAMLINE
THE APPROVAL PROCESS.
285
00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:08,366
SO, IN AMERICA, IF YOU REALLY
WANT TO HAVE FREE SPEECH,
286
00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:09,801
YOU NEED TO BE THE BOSS.
287
00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:12,704
OH, LOOK, CANADA BOY
JUST FIGURED OUT AMERICA.
288
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:16,041
MAYBE INSTEAD OF PICKING
A FIGHT WITH GOD,
289
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:17,676
YOU COULD HAVE COME WITH ME
TO CHURCH.
290
00:11:17,678 --> 00:11:19,444
AND THE CHOIR COULD
HAVE USED ANOTHER TENOR
291
00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:20,879
ON "OLD RUGGED CROSS."
292
00:11:21,714 --> 00:11:23,281
I'M REALLY PROUD
OF KYLE.
293
00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:25,617
HE STOOD UP TO MR. ALZATE
AND EXERCISED HIS RIGHT
294
00:11:25,619 --> 00:11:27,018
TO WORSHIP
AS HE SEES FIT.
295
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:31,356
I DIDN'T GO WITH HIM
BECAUSE I DIDN'T SEE FIT.
296
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:32,457
GOOD FOR YOU, KYLE.
297
00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:34,392
THANKS, MR. B.
YEAH.
298
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:36,628
WAIT, SO YOU SUPPORT HIM
FOR STANDING UP TO ED,
299
00:11:36,630 --> 00:11:38,196
BUT I HAVE TO ROLL OVER
FOR MY BOSS?
300
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:39,964
BIGGER FAN OF JESUS
THAN LEFTY POLITICS.
301
00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:41,966
WHAT? JESUS WAS
THE ORIGINAL LEFTY.
302
00:11:41,968 --> 00:11:44,069
I DON'T THINK I'D LET THE HAIR
AND THE SANDALS FOOL YOU.
303
00:11:44,071 --> 00:11:45,837
HE HAD A LOT OF RUN-INS
WITH BIG GOVERNMENT.
304
00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:48,173
WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH
FOR YOUR SUPPORT, MIKE.
305
00:11:48,175 --> 00:11:50,041
I'M BACK TO SAYING THAT
SARCASTICALLY.
306
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:52,477
HONEY, HONEY, WHY DON'T YOU
COME HELP ME LIGHT THE GRILL?
307
00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:54,012
COME ON.
YOU KNOW HOW
TO LIGHT THE GRILL.
308
00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:56,214
SERIOUSLY. YOU'RE GONNA TRUST ME
TO TOUCH YOUR MAN STOVE?
309
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:57,382
OKAY.
COME. COME.
310
00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,918
[ SIGHS ]
IT'S ALL RIGHT, RYAN.
311
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:02,554
NOT EVERYONE IS LUCKY ENOUGH
TO BE A SMOKING BABY.
312
00:12:03,689 --> 00:12:05,090
YOU KNOW, MIKE,
BOTH OF THOSE BOYS
313
00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:06,491
ARE DESPERATE
FOR YOUR APPROVAL.
314
00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:07,859
WHAT ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?
315
00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:11,162
ALL I DO AROUND HERE
IS DOLE OUT PRAISE.
316
00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:13,198
BY THE WAY,
YOU'RE DOING THIS WRONG.
317
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,433
YOU'RE GONNA BLOW YOURSELF UP.
YOU GOT TO VENT IT.
318
00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:17,001
GO AHEAD.
319
00:12:17,003 --> 00:12:19,104
NEITHER OF THEM HAS HAD
MUCH OF A FATHER IN HIS LIFE.
320
00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:22,006
AND IT'S REALLY HARD FOR RYAN
WHEN YOU FAVOR KYLE.
321
00:12:22,008 --> 00:12:23,041
I KNOW. IT'S SAD.
322
00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:24,542
YES, I KNOW.
I FEEL FOR RYAN.
323
00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:26,211
NO, IT'S SAD FOR ME.
324
00:12:26,213 --> 00:12:27,579
IF I'M CHOOSING KYLE,
325
00:12:27,581 --> 00:12:30,315
IT JUST SHOWS HOW BAD
MY OPTIONS ARE.
326
00:12:37,623 --> 00:12:38,890
MORNING, KYLE.
327
00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:40,625
MORNING, MR. B.
328
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:46,431
HEY, ED.
HMM?
329
00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:50,635
WHY IS KYLE WASHING YOUR TRUCK
IN A BEAR COSTUME?
330
00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:54,305
'CAUSE MY CAR'S DIRTY
AND IT'S FUNNY.
331
00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:56,975
ED, THAT'S TRUE,
BUT WHY THE BIKINI?
332
00:12:56,977 --> 00:12:59,878
SEX SELLS, MIKEY.
333
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:02,747
KIND OF HARD ON KYLE THESE DAYS,
AREN'T YOU?
334
00:13:02,749 --> 00:13:04,582
WE WALK THE STORE TOGETHER
SUNDAY MORNINGS.
335
00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:06,050
IT'S IMPORTANT, RIGHT?
336
00:13:06,052 --> 00:13:08,319
HE JUST WANTS TO OBSERVE
THE SABBATH, RIGHT?
337
00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:09,721
YEAH, WELL,
HE CAN OBSERVE IT
338
00:13:09,723 --> 00:13:11,089
THROUGH THE EYE HOLES
OF A BEAR SUIT.
339
00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:12,624
HE'S LUCKY
HE STILL HAS A JOB.
340
00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:15,827
HE'S LUCKY A MALE BEAR
DOESN'T SEE HIM IN THAT BIKINI.
341
00:13:17,763 --> 00:13:19,731
ED, COME ON.
WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH YOU?
342
00:13:19,733 --> 00:13:22,667
IT'S NOTHING, NOTHING,
NOTHING, NOTHING.
343
00:13:22,669 --> 00:13:24,969
OKAY, KYLE CAN
HAVE SUNDAYS OFF.
344
00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:27,138
NOW CAN
YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?
345
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:30,275
ED, WHAT'S UP?
346
00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:33,578
[ SIGHS ]
347
00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:36,014
WENDI LOST THE BABY.
348
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:48,326
IT HAPPENED A FEW DAYS AGO.
IT WAS ALWAYS A LONG SHOT.
349
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:49,861
I GUESS I WAS...
350
00:13:49,863 --> 00:13:53,264
I WAS STUPID
TO GET MY HOPES UP.
351
00:13:54,867 --> 00:13:56,868
I'M SORRY, ED.
352
00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:58,703
IT WAS GONNA BE A BOY,
TOO.
353
00:13:58,705 --> 00:14:01,940
[ CHUCKLES ]
MY ONE AND ONLY SON.
354
00:14:01,942 --> 00:14:03,575
YEAH.
355
00:14:05,110 --> 00:14:06,811
ANYTHING I CAN DO?
356
00:14:06,813 --> 00:14:08,546
YEAH, YOU CAN
LEAVE ME ALONE.
357
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:26,231
HEY, MIKE BAXTER HEREFOR OUTDOOR MAN.
358
00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:27,732
I WANT TO TALK TO YOU TODAYABOUT AN EPIDEMIC
359
00:14:27,734 --> 00:14:29,367
SWEEPING THIS COUNTRY.
360
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:31,703
AND I DON'T MEANTHE "ONE DIRECTION INFECTION."
361
00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:33,338
[ LAUGHTER ]
362
00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:35,840
I'M TALKING ABOUT DADS
WHO'VE ABANDONED THEIR KIDS.
363
00:14:35,842 --> 00:14:38,543
REALLY, CALLING YOU "DADS"
IS WAY TOO GENEROUS.
364
00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:40,144
YOU CAME TO THE PARTY,
365
00:14:40,146 --> 00:14:42,080
BUT DIDN'T STICK AROUND
TO CLEAN UP THE MESS.
366
00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:46,150
THAT'S RIGHT. YOUR KID'S A MESS.
AND IT'S YOUR FAULT.
367
00:14:46,152 --> 00:14:48,253
BOYS FROM FATHERLESS HOMES
ARE MORE LIKELY
368
00:14:48,255 --> 00:14:50,421
TO DROP OUT OF SCHOOL,
USE DRUGS,
369
00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:52,657
AND NOT SEND YOU AN UGLY TIE
ON FATHER'S DAY.
370
00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:55,927
THEY NEED DADS, DADS TO
TEACH THEM HOW TO BE MEN.
371
00:14:55,929 --> 00:14:57,762
STUFF LIKE THROWING A BALL,
SHAVING CORRECTLY,
372
00:14:57,764 --> 00:14:59,430
GIVING A FIRM HANDSHAKE.
373
00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:02,267
AND THE MOST IMPORTANT LESSON --
SHOWING THE HELL UP.
374
00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:05,103
RUNNING OUT ON YOUR SON IS
A SLAP IN THE FACE TO ALL MEN,
375
00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:07,438
ESPECIALLY MEN WHO NEVER
HAD A CHANCE TO RAISE ONE.
376
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,073
CURIOUS --
377
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:12,243
SIX OF OUR LAST EIGHT PRESIDENTS
ONLY HAD DAUGHTERS.
378
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:15,546
MAYBE IT'S SOMETHING
ABOUT POWERFUL, SUCCESSFUL MEN.
379
00:15:15,548 --> 00:15:18,082
DID I MENTION THAT I HAVE
THREE DAUGHTERS?
380
00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:21,085
HUH. ONE MORE THAN OBAMA.
381
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:25,423
BUT YOU ABSENTEE FATHERS STILL
HAVE TIME TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT.
382
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:28,559
COME DOWN TO OUTDOOR MAN
FOR THE "DEADBEAT DAD DAY."
383
00:15:28,561 --> 00:15:31,229
SHOW US THE COURT ORDER
YOU'RE IN VIOLATION OF
384
00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:35,400
AND WE'LL GIVE YOU 15% OFF
AND A KICK IN THE ASS.
385
00:15:35,402 --> 00:15:37,602
I'LL THROW THAT IN FOR FREE.
386
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:39,370
BUY A FISHING POLE,
TAKE HIM FISHING.
387
00:15:39,372 --> 00:15:41,105
BUY HIM A TENT
AND TAKE HIM CAMPING.
388
00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:44,943
BUY A BOAT BECAUSE, DAMN IT,
WE NEED TO SELL SOME BOATS.
389
00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:47,412
MAYBE ONE DAY YOUR SON
WILL INVITE YOU
390
00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:49,247
TO HIS HIGH-SCHOOL GRADUATION.
391
00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:51,783
YOU MIGHT HAVE TO WEAR
AN UGLY TIE,
392
00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:54,986
BUT YOU'LL WEAR IT PROUDLY,
'CAUSE YOU EARNED IT.
393
00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:03,995
HEY, YOU WANTED TO
SEE ME, MR. B?
394
00:16:03,997 --> 00:16:05,830
COME ON IN. WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR BIKINI?
395
00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:09,500
OH, I TOOK IT OFF.
I LOOKED RIDICULOUS.
396
00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:14,572
UH, LISTEN, PULL UP AN ICEBERG.
I GOT GOOD NEWS FOR YOU.
397
00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:16,074
YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORK
SUNDAY ANYMORE.
398
00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:18,242
AND THIS IS OKAY
WITH MR. ALZATE?
399
00:16:18,244 --> 00:16:19,744
IT WAS HIS IDEA.
400
00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:21,612
AND HE DIDN'T COME
BY THAT DECISION EASILY.
401
00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:24,082
I GUESS HE LIKES WALKING AROUND
THE STORE WITH YOU ON SUNDAY.
402
00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:26,017
THAT'S LIKE CHURCH
TO HIM.
403
00:16:26,019 --> 00:16:28,353
BUT I MEAN, HE CAN GET ANYBODY
TO WALK THE FLOOR WITH HIM.
404
00:16:28,355 --> 00:16:30,788
I GUESS HE LIKES
WALKING AROUND WITH YOU.
405
00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:32,590
REALLY?
406
00:16:32,592 --> 00:16:34,258
SOMETIMES WE'RE
MORE IMPORTANT TO PEOPLE
407
00:16:34,260 --> 00:16:36,260
THAN WE REALLY KNOW.
408
00:16:36,262 --> 00:16:37,929
BUT YOU'RE GETTING OUT
OF THE BEAR COSTUME NOW.
409
00:16:37,931 --> 00:16:40,031
RIGHT. THANK YOU.
THIS THING IS SO HOT.
410
00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:42,233
I DON'T KNOW HOW
POLAR BEARS WEAR THEM.
411
00:16:43,969 --> 00:16:46,971
YOU KNOW, THAT MUST BE
WHY GLOBAL WARMING
412
00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:50,608
MAKES THEM SO SAD.
413
00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:52,543
SOME PEOPLE THINK
THAT'S A MYTH.
414
00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:53,978
YOU CAN'T FOOL ME,
MR. B.
415
00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:56,981
UNLIKE REINDEER,
POLAR BEARS ARE REAL.
416
00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:01,452
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
417
00:17:03,889 --> 00:17:05,223
DAD.
HEY, KRIS.
418
00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:06,891
HEY. I WASN'T
EXPECTING YOU.
419
00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:09,293
YOU WEREN'T EXPECTING BOYD.
YOU LEARNED TO LOVE HIM.
420
00:17:09,295 --> 00:17:12,463
YEAH...
421
00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:14,132
I'M ACTUALLY HERE
TO SEE RYAN.
422
00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:15,666
IS HE IN ONE OF THE TWO
PLACES IN THIS APARTMENT
423
00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:16,968
THAT I CAN'T SEE?
424
00:17:16,970 --> 00:17:19,303
[ SIGHS ] HONEY?
WILL YOU BE GENTLE, OKAY?
425
00:17:19,305 --> 00:17:21,839
THOSE PROTESTS WERE
REALLY IMPORTANT TO HIM.
426
00:17:21,841 --> 00:17:23,574
IT WAS LIKE HIS BOSS TOOK AWAY
A PART OF WHO HE IS.
427
00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:25,143
THE PART
THAT NOBODY LIKES.
428
00:17:26,745 --> 00:17:30,515
HEY, MIKE. TO WHAT
DO WE OWE THIS PLEASURE?
429
00:17:30,517 --> 00:17:33,184
NOW, WHY WOULD YOU THINK THIS
WAS GOING TO BE A PLEASURE?
430
00:17:33,186 --> 00:17:35,920
I HATE TO DO THIS TO YOU,
BUT I GOT TO GET TO WORK, OKAY?
431
00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:37,555
LOVE YOU.
432
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:41,192
I BETTER NOT COME HOME TO
FIND MY FIANCé IN THAT BAG.
433
00:17:41,194 --> 00:17:43,728
I MAKE NO PROMISES,
HONEY.
434
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:44,996
WHAT'S UP?
435
00:17:44,998 --> 00:17:46,364
WHY DID YOU GIVE UP
SO QUICKLY
436
00:17:46,366 --> 00:17:47,598
ON TAKING THOSE SELFIES?
437
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,000
THAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU,
RIGHT?
438
00:17:49,002 --> 00:17:51,202
YOU TOLD ME I WAS DOING
THE RIGHT THING.
439
00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:52,770
NOW I'M REALLY CONFUSED,
MIKE.
440
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:54,238
YOU'RE A LEFTY VEGETARIAN.
441
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,506
YOU'RE A LOT CONFUSED.
442
00:17:56,708 --> 00:17:58,543
WHAT IF I TOLD YOU
I HAVE A WAY
443
00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:01,079
THAT YOU COULD TAKE THE PICTURES
AND KEEP YOUR JOB?
444
00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:03,214
I'D SAY
YOU WERE A GENIUS.
445
00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:05,016
GO AHEAD. SAY IT.
I WANT TO HEAR IT.
446
00:18:05,018 --> 00:18:06,451
YOU'RE A GENIUS.
447
00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:08,986
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
NOBODY LIKES A SUCK-UP.
448
00:18:14,460 --> 00:18:15,860
HOW STUPID DO YOU
THINK I AM?
449
00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:17,795
I PUT THAT ON, YOU'RE
GONNA TRY AND SHOOT ME.
450
00:18:20,866 --> 00:18:22,733
SERIOUSLY? YOU WANT ME
TO WEAR THIS BEAR HEAD?
451
00:18:22,735 --> 00:18:24,969
YOU'RE LUCKY I DIDN'T BRING
THE BIKINI THAT GOES WITH IT.
452
00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:26,904
WITH THIS BEAR HEAD ON,
453
00:18:26,906 --> 00:18:29,440
YOU CAN TAKE YOUR PICTURES
ANONYMOUSLY.
454
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:30,808
DON'T THINK OF IT
AS A SILLY COSTUME.
455
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:32,643
THINK OF IT AS MORE
OF A MARKETING TOOL.
456
00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:34,745
ISN'T IT COWARDLY
NOT TO SHOW MY FACE?
457
00:18:34,747 --> 00:18:37,582
WITH THAT FACE, YOU'RE DOING
PEOPLE A FAVOR, REALLY.
458
00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:41,419
I MEAN, POLAR BEARS DO REPRESENT
THE DESTRUCTION OF THE PLANET.
459
00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:42,787
THERE YOU GO.
460
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:44,522
DIDN'T TAKE YOU LONG TO
TURN THAT INTO A BUMMER.
461
00:18:46,992 --> 00:18:50,061
FROM A BRANDING POINT OF VIEW,
IT'S MORE EFFECTIVE THIS WAY.
462
00:18:50,063 --> 00:18:51,562
"A BEAR THAT CARES."
463
00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:54,432
IT'S BETTER THAN
"CRYIN' RYAN FROM CANADA."
464
00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:57,301
[ CHUCKLES ]
465
00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:59,103
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS,
MIKE?
466
00:18:59,105 --> 00:19:01,105
BECAUSE
YOU HAVE A SON.
467
00:19:01,107 --> 00:19:02,607
AND YOU SHOULD SHOW HIM
WHAT A MAN LOOKS LIKE
468
00:19:02,609 --> 00:19:04,809
THAT STANDS UP
FOR HIS PRINCIPLES.
469
00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:07,111
APPARENTLY LIKE A BEAR.
YEAH.
470
00:19:07,113 --> 00:19:08,980
THANKS.
I'LL GIVE IT A SHOT.
471
00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:11,449
RIGHT. THERE'S VELCRO IN THERE.
TRY IT ON. SEE IF IT FITS.
472
00:19:11,451 --> 00:19:13,117
ALL RIGHT.
[ SNIFFS ]
473
00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:15,153
WHAT THE HELL?
474
00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:17,355
OH, PFFT!
YOU SHOULD AIR IT OUT.
475
00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:18,923
I MIGHT HAVE
FARTED IN IT.
476
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:25,263
THAT'S FOR TAKING A SHOT
AT THE VIRGIN MARY.
477
00:19:33,472 --> 00:19:35,973
[ SIGHS ]
478
00:19:35,975 --> 00:19:37,942
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
479
00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:40,044
[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]
480
00:19:52,658 --> 00:19:54,458
GOOD MORNING,
MR. ALZATE.
481
00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:58,062
KYLE, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING HERE?
482
00:19:58,064 --> 00:20:00,565
WAIT,
ISN'T THIS SUNDAY,
483
00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:03,201
OR DID I TAKE ALL OF
MY WRONG PILLS THIS MORNING?
484
00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:06,737
I, UH -- I CAME TO WALK
THE STORE WITH YOU.
485
00:20:06,739 --> 00:20:08,573
AND I BROUGHT YOU
YOUR BRAN MUFFIN.
486
00:20:08,575 --> 00:20:10,374
WHAT'S THE LORD
GONNA SAY ABOUT THIS?
487
00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:14,078
HE'D SAY I'M DOING HIS WORK,
KEEPING MR. ALZATE REGULAR.
488
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:16,414
HMM.
489
00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:18,916
THOSE MUFFINS
WORK IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS.
490
00:20:18,918 --> 00:20:20,484
[ CHUCKLES ]
491
00:20:20,486 --> 00:20:22,653
I'M GLAD YOU COULD
MAKE IT, SON.
492
00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:24,021
ME TOO.
YEAH.
493
00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:25,423
OKAY, LOOK,
494
00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:27,258
IF WE WALK THROUGH THE STORE
QUICKLY, ALL RIGHT,
495
00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:30,194
YOU CAN BE DONE IN TIME
FOR YOUR 11:00 CHURCH SERVICE.
496
00:20:30,196 --> 00:20:31,229
ARE YOU SURE?
497
00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:32,530
SURE, I KNOW GOD WANTS YOU
498
00:20:32,532 --> 00:20:33,598
ALL TO HIMSELF TODAY.
499
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,366
BUT I DON'T MIND SHARING.
500
00:20:35,368 --> 00:20:37,168
I CAN BE THE BIGGER MAN.
501
00:20:37,170 --> 00:20:40,871
I SPY A TERRIFIC GUY.
502
00:20:40,873 --> 00:20:42,540
COME ON. IT'S AWFULLY
EARLY FOR THAT.
503
00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:43,674
YEAH.
504
00:20:46,011 --> 00:20:48,279
DID I EVER TELL YOU
ABOUT THE TIME I RAN INTO
505
00:20:48,281 --> 00:20:50,514
SAMMY DAVIS JR.
AT THE SUPERMARKET, HMM?
506
00:20:50,516 --> 00:20:52,350
OH, AFTER THE SHOW
AT THE LATIN CASINO
507
00:20:52,352 --> 00:20:54,185
IN CHERRY HILL,
NEW JERSEY?
508
00:20:56,021 --> 00:20:57,355
NOPE.
I'D LOVE TO HEAR IT.
509
00:20:57,357 --> 00:20:59,423
OKAY.
510
00:20:59,425 --> 00:21:02,093
ALL RIGHT, SO, SAMMY WAS
AT THE PRODUCE SECTION, RIGHT?
511
00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:06,430
AND HE COMPLAINED THAT
THE BANANAS WERE A LITTLE SOFT,
512
00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:09,967
SO I SUGGESTED THAT HE TAKE THEM
TO SEE A MAMIE VAN DOREN MOVIE.
513
00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:13,871
[ LAUGHS ] SAMMY --
AND SAMMY JUST LOST IT.
39308
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