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1
00:00:02,635 --> 00:00:03,969
"LAST MAN STANDING" IS RECORDED
2
00:00:03,971 --> 00:00:04,969
IN FRONT OF A LIVESTUDIO AUDIENCE.
3
00:00:04,971 --> 00:00:07,039
[ CHEERING ]
THE KNICKS COULD HAVE
WON THAT GAME
4
00:00:07,041 --> 00:00:08,841
IF THEY'D HAVE HIT
A FEW MORE FREE THROWS.
5
00:00:08,843 --> 00:00:12,978
OR IF THEY WERE
AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT TEAM.
6
00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:14,380
LISTEN, DO YOU WANT TO
GO TO ED'S TODAY
7
00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:15,814
AND WATCH
THE NUGGETS GAME?
MM.
8
00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:17,950
NOTHING BETTER THAN AFTER
A LONG DAY OF WATCHING SPORTS --
9
00:00:17,952 --> 00:00:19,718
MORE SPORTS.
10
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:25,724
I THINK ED JUST WANTS TO
SHOW OFF HIS FANCY NEW TV. 120"?
11
00:00:25,726 --> 00:00:27,526
IT'S GOT TO BE CHEAPER JUST
TO PUNCH A WHOLE IN THE WALL
12
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:29,695
AND HAVE THE NUGGETS
PLAY IN THE YARD.
13
00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:32,064
EVERY TIME I GO OVER THERE,
ED PUTS ME TO WORK.
14
00:00:32,066 --> 00:00:33,899
I KNOW. I KNOW.
UH, "MAKE THE BEAN DIP,"
15
00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:36,368
"LIGHT THE GRILL,"
"ROTATE MY TIRES."
16
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:39,071
THE DUDE IS RICH,
BUT HE'S CHEAP.
MM-HMM.
17
00:00:39,073 --> 00:00:40,906
HE BUYS CAVIAR
WITH A GROUPON.
18
00:00:40,908 --> 00:00:43,075
I'LL GO,
BUT IF HE ASKS ME
19
00:00:43,077 --> 00:00:47,046
TO BUST UP AN OLD CHIFFOROBE,
I'M OUT.
20
00:00:47,048 --> 00:00:48,213
OH, MY GOD.
21
00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:49,982
MOM, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW
WHAT I JUST HEARD?
22
00:00:49,984 --> 00:00:51,316
EVE AND HER BOYFRIEND
BROKE UP.
23
00:00:51,318 --> 00:00:53,719
THAT WAS MY NEWS.
24
00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:55,154
I'M SORRY.
25
00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:58,057
YOU CAN HAVE MY NEWS --
"I HEARD IT MIGHT SNOW TONIGHT."
26
00:00:58,059 --> 00:01:00,426
IS EVE OKAY?
I DON'T KNOW.
27
00:01:00,428 --> 00:01:02,694
I HEARD THIS FROM MY
OLD WOODBRIDGE HIGH CONTACTS.
28
00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:04,096
OH, ALL RIGHT,
SO IT MIGHT JUST BE A RUMOR.
NOPE.
29
00:01:04,098 --> 00:01:06,098
EVE AND JUSTIN
ARE DEFINITELY SPLITSVILLE.
30
00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:07,900
I CONFIRMED IT
WITH THREE SOURCES,
31
00:01:07,902 --> 00:01:09,435
ONE OF THEM
A BOY CHEERLEADER.
32
00:01:09,437 --> 00:01:13,872
ALSO, JESSICA NOBLE --
PROBABLY BULIMIC.
33
00:01:13,874 --> 00:01:15,040
OH, WELL...
ALTHOUGH I DO NOT HAVE
34
00:01:15,042 --> 00:01:17,676
GAY CONFIRMATION
ON THAT AS OF YET.
35
00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:19,244
I THOUGHT YOU SAID
YOU GOT ALL THIS NEWS
36
00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:21,914
FROM THE GRAPEVINE,
NOT FROM PEOPLE.
37
00:01:21,916 --> 00:01:23,115
THAT'S WHAT
THE "THE GRAPEVINE" IS.
38
00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:24,750
OHH.
39
00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:27,119
I THOUGHT YOU LEARNED
HOW TO TALK TO PLANTS.
40
00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:29,421
I WAS HOPING
YOU COULD TELL ME
41
00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:32,057
WHAT THE HECK MY FICUS
IS SO UPSET ABOUT.
42
00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:34,760
I GOT SOME BAD NEWS.
HMM.
43
00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:36,028
IS THIS REAL BAD NEWS,
44
00:01:36,030 --> 00:01:38,097
OR SOMETHING I'VE GOT TO PRETEND
TO BE INTERESTED IN?
45
00:01:38,099 --> 00:01:39,965
EVE AND JUSTIN
BROKE UP.
46
00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:42,568
OH. WHOA.
47
00:01:42,570 --> 00:01:45,204
THAT -- SHE'S --
THAT'S -- THAT'S JUST...
48
00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:46,538
HOW IS THAT?
49
00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:48,207
THIS IS
HER FIRST BREAKUP.
50
00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:49,908
SHE'S GONNA BE
PRETTY DEPRESSED.
51
00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:51,276
OORAH!
52
00:01:52,879 --> 00:01:56,315
I JUST SET A NEW
OBSTACLE-COURSE RECORD.
53
00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:59,751
AND WHOSE RECORD
DID I SMASH? MINE.
54
00:01:59,753 --> 00:02:04,056
HIGH-FIVING REAGAN'S GHOST.
UP TOP, GIPPER.
55
00:02:04,058 --> 00:02:05,591
BREAKS YOUR HEART
TO SEE YOUR KIDS
56
00:02:05,593 --> 00:02:06,892
IN SO MUCH PAIN,
DOESN'T IT?
57
00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:10,129
HONEY, HONEY,
ARE YOU OKAY?
58
00:02:10,131 --> 00:02:11,130
YEAH, I'M FINE, MOM.
59
00:02:11,132 --> 00:02:12,998
I DON'T ACTUALLY SEE
REAGAN'S GHOST.
60
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,600
ALL RIGHT,
BUT -- BUT HOW IS JUSTIN?
61
00:02:14,602 --> 00:02:15,767
OH.
62
00:02:15,769 --> 00:02:17,569
YOUR MOM WOULD LIKE TO TALK
ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS,
63
00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:19,605
SO, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD,
COME UP WITH SOMETHING.
64
00:02:19,607 --> 00:02:22,007
YES, MOM.
65
00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:24,409
JUSTIN AND I DID BREAK UP,
BUT IT'S NOT A HUGE DEAL.
66
00:02:24,411 --> 00:02:26,245
I'M REALLY OKAY
ABOUT IT.
67
00:02:27,413 --> 00:02:29,181
YOU TRIED DATING,
DIDN'T WORK OUT SO WELL.
68
00:02:29,183 --> 00:02:30,782
NOW YOU CAN CONCENTRATE
ON SCHOOL AND SPORTS
69
00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:31,917
AND A LOT
OF OTHER THINGS
70
00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:33,185
THAT DON'T MAKE ME
SO UNCOMFORTABLE.
71
00:02:33,187 --> 00:02:36,688
AH, DAMN.
THESE ARE JUSTIN'S.
72
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:39,625
AND SEEING THEM
BRINGS UP FEELINGS?
73
00:02:39,627 --> 00:02:42,027
YEAH -- IRRITATION.
74
00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:43,762
RETURNING JUNK
HE LEFT IN MY BAG
75
00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:45,898
WAS NOT PART
OF MY CLEAN-EXIT STRATEGY.
76
00:02:48,635 --> 00:02:50,302
LEAVE IT ALONE.
SHE'S FINE, OKAY?
77
00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:53,505
HONEY, TEENAGE GIRLS ARE NOT
THIS BLASé ABOUT BREAKUPS.
78
00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:54,806
TEENAGE GIRLS
AREN'T EVE.
79
00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:57,643
SHE'S LIKE A SUPERHUMAN HYBRID
OF A MALE AND A FEMALE.
80
00:02:57,645 --> 00:02:59,378
I'D USE THE TERM
"MASTER RACE,"
81
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:04,116
BUT THAT LOSER HITLER
SCREWED THAT UP FOR EVERYBODY.
82
00:03:04,118 --> 00:03:08,086
-- Captions by VITAC --
83
00:03:10,890 --> 00:03:12,724
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
84
00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:15,627
HEY, HOW YOU DOING?
85
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,196
STILL FINE. SORRY.
86
00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:20,232
HONEY, YOU KNOW
[SIGHS] I PROMISE,
87
00:03:20,234 --> 00:03:23,368
YOU WILL FEEL SO MUCH BETTER
IF YOU JUST LET YOURSELF CRY.
88
00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:26,004
OH, SO YOU'RE BACKPEDALING
ON LAST WEEK'S SPEECH
89
00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:28,173
ABOUT LAUGHTER BEING
THE BEST MEDICINE?
90
00:03:28,175 --> 00:03:30,542
HEY, HEY, HEY.
FIRST BREAKUPS ARE DEVASTATING.
91
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,344
I KNOW MINE WAS.
92
00:03:32,346 --> 00:03:35,180
IT WAS HIGH SCHOOL.
HIS NAME WAS JEFF,
93
00:03:35,182 --> 00:03:37,316
AND I-I THOUGHT HE WAS SO COOL
'CAUSE HE HAD A MUSTANG.
94
00:03:37,318 --> 00:03:40,152
AND YET, YOU MARRIED
THE FISHING-POLE SALESMAN.
95
00:03:40,154 --> 00:03:42,354
[ CHUCKLES ]
96
00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:44,323
JEFF AND I WERE VERY,
VERY SERIOUS.
97
00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:46,358
AT LEAST, I WAS.
98
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:48,827
I GUESS -- I GUESS
HE WAS JUST PRETENDING,
99
00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:50,862
WHICH,
WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT,
100
00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:53,432
IS REALLY JUST ANOTHER WORD
FOR LYING.
101
00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:54,666
HE WAS A LIAR.
102
00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:56,868
OHH!
103
00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:58,870
IT FEELS KIND OF GOOD
JUST TO SAY THAT.
104
00:03:58,872 --> 00:04:01,006
GREAT.
SO, UH, WE DONE HERE?
105
00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:02,908
HE WOULD WRITE ME
THESE LITTLE NOTES.
106
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:04,509
OKAY, SILL GOING.
107
00:04:04,511 --> 00:04:07,346
HE PROMISED TO LOVE ME
TILL THE END OF TIME.
108
00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:11,116
AND APPARENTLY TIME ENDED
THE WEEK BEFORE PROM, SO...
109
00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:14,620
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
WE'RE ALL STILL DOING HERE.
110
00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:15,954
ME NEITHER.
111
00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:18,557
MOM, LISTEN.
112
00:04:18,559 --> 00:04:20,259
THE BREAKUP
BETWEEN ME AND JUSTIN
113
00:04:20,261 --> 00:04:22,427
WAS COMPLETELY MUTUAL,
OKAY?
HONEY...
114
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:24,062
WE BOTH JUST REALIZED WE'RE
TOO BUSY TO DATE RIGHT NOW.
115
00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:26,365
THAT'S ALL.
REALLY? IT'S THAT SIMPLE?
116
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,934
IF IT'S ANY CONSOLATION...
YEAH?
117
00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:31,069
...THIS HAS BEEN
EXHAUSTING.
118
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,408
TA-DA!
119
00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:37,408
OH, YEAH.
120
00:04:37,410 --> 00:04:39,211
YEAH, I COULD TOTALLY MAKE
THAT DRESS FOR YOU.
121
00:04:39,213 --> 00:04:41,313
BUT I AM WORRIED
ABOUT THE COST.
122
00:04:41,315 --> 00:04:43,649
OH, DAD'S PAYING.
123
00:04:43,651 --> 00:04:45,350
NO, THE COST WOULD BE
OUR RELATIONSHIP.
124
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:48,654
I COULD NOT BE SISTERS
125
00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:50,756
WITH SOMEONE
WHO WOULD WEAR THAT DRESS.
126
00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:52,324
[ LAUGHS ]
127
00:04:52,326 --> 00:04:54,393
WELL, I LIKE IT.
128
00:04:54,395 --> 00:04:55,394
OKAY.
129
00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:57,763
AND I DO HAVE
ANOTHER SISTER.
130
00:04:57,765 --> 00:04:58,764
HEY.
131
00:04:58,766 --> 00:05:00,799
HEY, MOM.
HEY, UH, HOW'S EVE DOING?
132
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:03,468
I CANNOT GET HER TO CRY.
OH, REALLY?
133
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,671
HAVE YOU TRIED DROPPING HER OFF
AT SCHOOL IN YOUR BATHROBE YET?
134
00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:07,639
BECAUSE THAT WORKED
WHEN YOU DID IT FOR ME.
135
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,641
EVE SWEARS SHE'S FINE.
136
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:12,010
SHES SAYS
THE BREAKUP WAS MUTUAL.
137
00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:13,612
YOU KNOW WHO
ALWAYS CALLS IT MUTUAL?
138
00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:15,180
THE PERSON WHO GOT DUMPED.
MM.
139
00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:17,582
OH, GOD.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
140
00:05:17,584 --> 00:05:20,852
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I TOLD
PEOPLE WHEN JEFF DUMPED ME.
141
00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:22,487
WHO'S JEFF?
[ SIGHS ]
142
00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:25,324
SOME LIAR.
143
00:05:25,326 --> 00:05:27,292
HEY, MAYBE WE COULD
HELP HER OPEN UP.
144
00:05:27,294 --> 00:05:29,928
LET'S PUT HER IN AN ENVIRONMENT
WERE SHE FEELS COMFORTABLE.
145
00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:34,132
OHH, I DON'T WANT TO GO
TO A MONSTER-TRUCK RALLY.
146
00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:35,600
NO, HANGING OUT
WITH HER SISTERS.
147
00:05:35,602 --> 00:05:38,370
YEAH, AND HER FUN MOM.
YEAH.
148
00:05:38,372 --> 00:05:40,439
YEAH, WE COULD GO FOR TEA,
AND THEN --
149
00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:42,474
AND THEN
WEDDING-DRESS SHOPPING.
OH.
150
00:05:42,476 --> 00:05:45,477
AND WE'LL TALK AND TALK
AND TALK.
151
00:05:45,479 --> 00:05:48,280
WHEREVER YOU'RE GOING,
PLEASE TAKE ME WITH YOU.
152
00:05:48,282 --> 00:05:49,848
I'M JUST GOING OVER
TO ED'S BASEMENT.
153
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,616
OH, I'M IN.
154
00:05:51,618 --> 00:05:53,452
BEATS AN AFTERNOON
OF TALKING AND TEA
155
00:05:53,454 --> 00:05:54,619
WITH THE CAST
OF "THE VIEW."
156
00:05:54,621 --> 00:05:55,620
THIS COULD BE FUN.
157
00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:56,655
WE'RE GONNA GO SEE A TV
158
00:05:56,657 --> 00:05:58,457
THAT COST MORE
THAN HIS FIRST CAR,
159
00:05:58,459 --> 00:06:01,860
WHICH I BELIEVE
WAS THE FIRST CAR.
160
00:06:06,833 --> 00:06:09,501
COME IN. COME IN.
COME IN. COME IN HERE.
161
00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:11,236
CHECK OUT MY NEW HOME THEATER.
WHOA. HEY.
162
00:06:11,238 --> 00:06:12,838
THIS IS NOT NEARLY AS CREEPY
AS WHAT I PICTURED
163
00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:15,173
YOU BUILDING DOWN HERE
IN THE BASEMENT.
164
00:06:15,175 --> 00:06:18,543
WELCOME TO CINEMA ALZATE.
ADMISSION IS FREE.
165
00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:20,412
BUT I DO INTEND TO GOUGE YOU
ON THE SNACKS.
166
00:06:22,248 --> 00:06:23,849
JUST KIDDING.
THERE'S NO EATING IN HERE.
167
00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:25,050
GIVE ME THE GUM.
168
00:06:27,019 --> 00:06:28,019
SERIOUSLY?
169
00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:29,354
GUM, PLEASE.
170
00:06:29,356 --> 00:06:33,058
[ SPITS ]
171
00:06:35,428 --> 00:06:36,695
AT LEAST NO EATING MEANS
172
00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:38,830
I WON'T HAVE TO MAKE
THE BEAN DIP.
173
00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:41,433
WELL, THAT'S PROBABLY
A GOOD THING.
174
00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:45,437
WINDOWLESS ROOM?
BEANS?
175
00:06:45,439 --> 00:06:46,605
CHECK THIS OUT.
176
00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:48,006
NOTICE HOW THE OPENING
177
00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:50,375
COMPLETELY VANISHES
INTO THE PANELING.
178
00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:52,644
SO YOUR CAPTIVES
CAN'T FIND THEIR WAY OUT.
179
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:57,082
SO, UH, WHERE'S THIS NEW,
BIG TV, MR. ALZATE?
180
00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:58,417
OKAY, HERE WE GO.
181
00:06:58,419 --> 00:06:59,751
BEHOLD.
182
00:07:03,456 --> 00:07:05,390
HUH? ALL WE HAVE TO DO
IS SET IT UP.
183
00:07:05,392 --> 00:07:09,528
HE HASN'T EVEN TAKEN IT
OUT OF THE BOX.
184
00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:11,363
WELL, THAT'S WHY
I INVITED YOU EARLY.
185
00:07:11,365 --> 00:07:13,465
COME ON. LET'S GET TO WORK.
TIP-OFF IN 20 MINUTES.
186
00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:16,601
WHERE'S THE DOOR?
OH, GOD, THERE'S NO DOOR!
187
00:07:19,405 --> 00:07:21,973
HEY.
I REALLY LIKE THIS ONE.
188
00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:23,375
DON'T FALL IN LOVE.
189
00:07:23,377 --> 00:07:25,777
REMEMBER, WE'RE JUST HERE
TO RIP OFF IDEAS.
190
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,779
I FEEL A LITTLE GUILTY
191
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,214
ABOUT YOU STEALING
SOMEONE ELSE'S DESIGN.
192
00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:30,782
SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH.
DON'T WORRY.
193
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,884
IT'LL BE KRISTIN'S
"SOMETHING BORROWED."
194
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:35,287
THERE'S OUR BRIDESMAID.
195
00:07:35,289 --> 00:07:36,555
OH!
196
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,557
AND I HAVE TO SAY,
THAT LOOKS AMAZING ON YOU.
197
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:39,391
RIGHT?
[ CHUCKLES ]
198
00:07:39,393 --> 00:07:41,126
AND,
MOTHER OF THE BRIDE,
199
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:43,161
I HAVE TO SAY
THAT LOOKS AMAZING ON YOU.
200
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:44,763
REALLY?
MOM, HE WORKS HERE.
201
00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:46,898
HE LITERALLY
HAS TO SAY IT.
202
00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:48,900
HOW'S IT GOING IN THERE?
ALMOST DONE.
203
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:51,303
WEDDING DRESSES
ARE A GIANT HASSLE.
204
00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:52,737
WAIT TILL
YOU TRY MARRIAGE.
205
00:07:52,739 --> 00:07:56,408
TRUST ME.
206
00:07:56,410 --> 00:07:57,576
OKAY.
[ GIGGLES ]
207
00:07:57,578 --> 00:07:59,511
HERE I COME.
YEAH.
208
00:08:03,182 --> 00:08:06,618
[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING ]
HONEY, YOU'RE --
YOU'RE JUST GORGEOUS.
209
00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:08,887
I KNOW, MOM, BUT RIGHT NOW,
THIS IS ABOUT KRISTIN.
210
00:08:10,623 --> 00:08:12,624
SO...
DO YOU LIKE IT?
211
00:08:12,626 --> 00:08:13,992
YES.
SO YOU LIKE IT?
212
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,994
NO, CAN WE SEE
ANOTHER OPTION?
213
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,462
OF COURSE.
214
00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:20,098
BUT I HAVE TO SAY --
I KNOW -- "AMAZING."
215
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:22,100
BUT, UH,
ANOTHER OPTION, PLEASE.
216
00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:23,235
YES.
217
00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:28,006
I CAN TOTALLY MAKE THAT DRESS,
ONLY BETTER.
218
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:30,542
[ SQUEALS, GIGGLES ]
CHEERS.
YEAH.
219
00:08:30,544 --> 00:08:33,545
[ GIGGLING ]
N-O-O-O!
220
00:08:33,547 --> 00:08:36,548
CHAMPAGNE ALWAYS HELPS
MY CREATIVE PROCESS.
221
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:40,118
I ASSUME.
222
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:43,488
FROM...
WHAT I'VE READ.
223
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:46,491
IN THE BIBLE.
AHH.
224
00:08:46,493 --> 00:08:49,294
MM.
225
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:51,530
BOY, I HOPE EVE IS HAVING
A GOOD TIME WITH YOUR DAD.
226
00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:54,566
YEAH, TEENAGE BREAKUPS
CAN BE SO PAINFUL.
227
00:08:54,568 --> 00:08:56,501
AND SOMETIMES
THEY ARE JUST AWKWARD.
228
00:08:56,503 --> 00:08:58,537
LIKE MY BREAKUP
WITH KYLE.
229
00:08:58,539 --> 00:09:01,373
I THOUGHT THINGS ENDED OKAY
WITH YOU AND KYLE?
230
00:09:01,375 --> 00:09:03,375
YEAH, YOU ALWAYS SAID
THAT IT WAS MUTUAL.
231
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:08,513
MUTUAL.
YOU "MUTUAL-ED" KYLE?
232
00:09:08,515 --> 00:09:11,650
THE AWKWARD PART
WAS HOW HARD HE TRIED
233
00:09:11,652 --> 00:09:14,920
TO GET ME BACK --
NOTES, POEMS, FLOWERS.
234
00:09:14,922 --> 00:09:16,354
WELL, NO --
DIRT AND SEEDS.
235
00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:20,559
HE THOUGHT I'D HAVE MORE FUN
MAKING MY OWN.
236
00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:23,595
KYLE ONLY GIVES DIRT TO PEOPLE
THAT HE REALLY CARES ABOUT.
237
00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:26,031
IT WAS NO BIG DEAL.
I JUST KEPT SAYING NO.
238
00:09:26,033 --> 00:09:27,165
OH. [ SCOFFS ]
239
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:29,167
I MEAN, IT SORT OF SOUNDS
LIKE A BIG DEAL.
240
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:31,736
UH, HOW LONG DID THIS
WHOLE THING GO ON FOR?
241
00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:33,572
NOT LONG.
LIKE SIX MONTHS.
242
00:09:33,574 --> 00:09:35,874
I'M SORRY.
SIX MONTHS?
243
00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:38,710
DID I EVER TELL YOU GIRLS
ABOUT JEFF?
244
00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:41,746
[ CHUCKLES ]
NOW, THERE WAS A BREAKUP.
245
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:43,548
WHY HAVE YOU NEVER TOLD ME
ABOUT THIS?
246
00:09:43,550 --> 00:09:45,283
YOU MEAN
WE COULD HAVE HAD
247
00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:47,619
THIS SUPER-FUN CONVERSATION
EVEN SOONER?
248
00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:51,022
I TRIED TO GET JEFF BACK.
[ CHUCKLES ]
249
00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:53,425
HE LOVED "FLASHDANCE,"
250
00:09:53,427 --> 00:09:57,495
SO I-I GOT A CHAIR AND A BUCKET
OF WATER, AND...
251
00:09:58,731 --> 00:10:00,298
I'M SORRY
THAT I DON'T LIKE HEARING
252
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,067
HOW HEARTBROKEN KYLE WAS
OVER YOU.
RIGHT.
253
00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:04,235
I'M GETTING MARRIED,
EVE'S GOING THROUGH A BREAKUP.
254
00:10:04,237 --> 00:10:08,740
BUT SOMEHOW, ONCE AGAIN,
TODAY BECOMES ALL ABOUT MANDY.
255
00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:10,308
OKAY, WELL, IF YOU WANT IT
TO BE ALL ABOUT YOU,
256
00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:11,977
WHY DON'T YOU MAKE
YOUR OWN DAMN WEDDING DRESS?
257
00:10:11,979 --> 00:10:13,578
I DIDN'T WANT
YOUR KNOCK-OFF DRESS, ANYWAY.
258
00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:15,280
I CAN'T IMAGINE
259
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,115
A MORE BEAUTIFUL DRESS
THAN THIS ONE.
260
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:19,117
SO YOU'LL TAKE IT?
YES.
261
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:21,219
NO.
262
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:23,688
THAT ONE IS ALSO PRETTY.
I'LL BE IN HERE.
263
00:10:26,993 --> 00:10:29,995
ALL RIGHT, THE MANUAL ESTIMATED
10 MINUTES FOR THIS STEP.
264
00:10:29,997 --> 00:10:32,797
WHAT ARE YOU CLOWNS
DOING DOWN THERE?
265
00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:34,466
YOU KNOW,
I THINK WE'RE DOING A GOOD JOB
266
00:10:34,468 --> 00:10:35,667
CONSIDERING
THE ONLY TOOLS YOU HAVE
267
00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:37,736
ARE NEEDLE-NOSE PLIERS
268
00:10:37,738 --> 00:10:40,305
AND WHATEVER THE HELL
THIS THING IS.
269
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:43,908
I FINALLY FOUND THE CABLE
FOR THE BACK SPEAKERS.
270
00:10:43,910 --> 00:10:46,478
HUH.
271
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:47,646
WELL,
I GOT THE SHORTEST ONE.
272
00:10:47,648 --> 00:10:49,914
I MEAN, I SAVED FIVE BUCKS.
GREAT.
273
00:10:49,916 --> 00:10:53,585
NOW ALL WE HAVE TO DO
IS MOVE THAT WALL OVER HERE.
274
00:10:53,587 --> 00:10:55,153
YES!
DENVER JUST TIED IT!
275
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:56,755
OOH, OOH, LET ME SEE.
LET ME SEE.
276
00:10:56,757 --> 00:10:58,623
YOU DON'T WANT TO WATCH THE GAME
ON THAT LITTLE PHONE.
277
00:10:58,625 --> 00:11:00,258
YOU KNOW, THE PHONE
HAS AN ADVANTAGE --
278
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:03,662
IT'S NOT JUST A BIG,
BLACK RECTANGLE.
279
00:11:04,764 --> 00:11:06,531
I THINK WE GOT ENOUGH STUFF
HOOKED UP HERE.
280
00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:08,199
I-I-I'M FIRING
THIS BAD BOY UP.
281
00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:09,300
WELL, NOW, HOLD ON.
DO IT. DO IT.
282
00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:10,869
OKAY, MIKE. OKAY, HERE I GO.
GO, GO, GO.
283
00:11:10,871 --> 00:11:12,604
AND...
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ]
284
00:11:12,606 --> 00:11:14,005
WHAT...
WHAT THE...
285
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:17,609
THANK YOU FOR THAT, CHUCK.
THAT REALLY SETS US BACK.
286
00:11:17,611 --> 00:11:19,778
NO, I JUST OVERLOADED
THE CIRCUIT.
287
00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:21,813
DO YOU HAVE THE TV ON THE SAME
CIRCUIT AS THE LIGHTS?
288
00:11:21,815 --> 00:11:22,947
IT'S JUST A TV.
289
00:11:22,949 --> 00:11:26,284
PLUGGING THIS THING IN
IS LIKE PLUGGING IN VEGAS.
290
00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:28,787
UH, I COULD GO
RESET THE BREAKER.
291
00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:30,655
GOOD. GO AHEAD.
YEAH, THE PANEL'S
IN THE KITCHEN.
292
00:11:30,657 --> 00:11:32,624
RIGHT THERE.
RIGHT UP -- YEAH.
OKAY.
293
00:11:32,626 --> 00:11:35,160
JUST GO RIGHT TO YOUR LEFT
RIGHT THERE. UP.
294
00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:36,528
MIKEY, NO OFFENSE,
295
00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:39,631
BUT I THINK HAVING EVE HERE
IS INHIBITING OUR FUN.
296
00:11:39,633 --> 00:11:41,199
YEAH, I'M SURE EVE IS THE REASON
WE'RE NOT HAVING FUN,
297
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,802
NOT THE FACT THAT WE GOT
NO LIGHTS AND NO TV.
298
00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:45,403
AND NO GUM.
299
00:11:46,839 --> 00:11:48,306
SHE BROKE UP
WITH HER FIRST BOYFRIEND,
300
00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:49,708
HER MOM'S BEEN BUGGING HER
ABOUT IT AT HOME.
301
00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:51,309
I JUST WANTED TO
GET HER OUT OF THE HOUSE,
302
00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:52,477
GIVE HER A LITTLE SPACE,
OKAY?
303
00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:54,646
YEAH, WOMEN LOVE
PICKING EMOTIONS APART.
304
00:11:54,648 --> 00:11:58,016
IT'S LIKE A BLOOMIN' ONION
AT HAPPY HOUR.
305
00:11:58,018 --> 00:11:59,651
IF WE'RE NOT ALLOWED
TO EAT IN HERE,
306
00:11:59,653 --> 00:12:01,419
I DON'T WANT TO
TALK ABOUT FOOD.
307
00:12:01,854 --> 00:12:03,855
AH!
OKAY.
GOOD GOING!
308
00:12:03,857 --> 00:12:05,523
YOU'RE A GOOD DAD,
BAXTER.
309
00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:07,659
LET THE GIRL PROCESS THINGS
AT HER OWN PACE.
310
00:12:07,661 --> 00:12:08,727
YEAH, HE'S RIGHT.
311
00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:10,161
SHE'S BETTER OFF
NOT DWELLING ON IT.
312
00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:11,930
SO, WHAT'S THIS DEAL
ABOUT THE BREAKUP?
313
00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:13,331
ED, DWELLING.
314
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:16,501
UM, I'M FINE, MR. ALZATE.
NO BIGGIE.
315
00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:17,569
I MEAN, ANYONE CARE
316
00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:19,204
THAT THE NUGGETS
JUST WENT ON A 12-0 RUN?
317
00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:20,772
ALL RIGHT,
NOW, THAT'S SMART.
318
00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:22,407
TAKE YOUR MIND OFF THE PAIN.
319
00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:25,777
EVENTUALLY YOU FORGET IT, AND --
AND YOU GET OVER IT, RIGHT?
320
00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:28,413
OH, YOU FORGET.
321
00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:30,915
BUT DO YOU
EVER REALLY GET OVER IT?
322
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:33,918
NOT IF YOU DISCUSS
YOUR FEELINGS
323
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,587
WITH YOUR DAD'S
MIDDLE-AGED FRIENDS.
324
00:12:36,889 --> 00:12:38,189
LISA DEMERAY.
325
00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:40,391
HUH?
326
00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:42,393
SHE SAT NEXT TO ME
IN EIGHTH-GRADE MATH.
327
00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:46,564
SHE BORROWED MY PROTRACTOR,
AND I NEVER WASHED IT AGAIN.
328
00:12:46,566 --> 00:12:50,435
YOU -- YOU WASHED
YOUR PROTRACTOR, HUH?
329
00:12:51,737 --> 00:12:54,205
WHAT DID YOU MEASURE
WITH THAT THING?
330
00:12:57,243 --> 00:13:00,645
I-I FINALLY GOT UP THE NERVE
TO TALK TO HER,
331
00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:04,315
AND SHE TOLD ME HER FAMILY
WAS MOVING TO BALTIMORE.
332
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:07,552
WHENEVER THEY SHOW THE CROWD
AT A RAVENS GAME,
333
00:13:07,554 --> 00:13:10,889
I-I LOOK FOR HER.
334
00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:12,056
YOU KNOW, I'M PRETTY SURE
SHE DOESN'T LOOK
335
00:13:12,058 --> 00:13:13,892
LIKE SHE DID
IN THE EIGHTH GRADE.
336
00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:15,827
BUT IT'S GREAT TO KNOW
WHY YOU WATCH FOOTBALL.
337
00:13:16,929 --> 00:13:19,097
OKAY, SO, UH,
WE READY TO TRY THIS AGAIN?
338
00:13:19,099 --> 00:13:20,832
IT WAS THE SPRING OF '56.
339
00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:22,233
GUESS NOT.
340
00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:25,837
TAMMY BALACEK AND I
[CHUCKLES]
341
00:13:25,839 --> 00:13:27,639
WOULD KISS
IN THE MOONLIGHT,
342
00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:29,107
TELLING EACH OTHER
OUR DREAMS.
343
00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:33,311
YEAH. THAT'S WHEN DREAMS
USED TO BE BLACK AND WHITE.
344
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:36,848
UNLIKE OUR FLAT-SCREEN,
WHICH IS STILL BLACK!
345
00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:40,852
ONE DAY,
OUT OF THE BLUE,
346
00:13:40,854 --> 00:13:43,855
SHE SAYS SHE'S NOT
FEELING IT ANYMORE.
347
00:13:43,857 --> 00:13:48,259
[ Voice breaking ]
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
348
00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:50,662
TRUE LOVE IS RIGHT THERE,
349
00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:53,531
AND SHE SAYS
SHE'S NOT FEELING IT.
350
00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:58,503
I BETTER TEST
THESE 3-D GLASSES.
351
00:13:58,505 --> 00:13:59,838
I DON'T THINK WE NEED TV.
352
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:01,806
WE GOT "THE BROTHERHOOD
OF THE TRAVELING PANTS"
353
00:14:01,808 --> 00:14:03,875
RIGHT HERE.
354
00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:06,277
BAXTER, IT MIGHT BE GOOD FOR EVE
TO HEAR THIS STUFF.
355
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:07,779
I MEAN,
IT'S HARD WHEN YOUR --
356
00:14:07,781 --> 00:14:09,848
YOUR HEART GETS RIPPED
OUT OF YOUR CHEST.
357
00:14:09,850 --> 00:14:11,883
NOBODY RIPPED HER HEART
OUT OF HER CHEST.
358
00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:13,484
THIS WAS A MUTUAL BREAKUP,
RIGHT?
359
00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:16,688
ACTUALLY,
I KIND OF JUST SAID THAT.
360
00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:18,389
YEAH,
I BROKE UP WITH JUSTIN.
361
00:14:19,825 --> 00:14:21,392
HE WAS JUST MORE INTO ME
THAN I WAS INTO HIM.
362
00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:23,628
Mike: OKAY.
363
00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:27,031
TAMMY BALACEK
ALL OVER AGAIN.
364
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:29,868
I'M FEELING KIND OF BAD
BECAUSE WHEN JUSTIN
365
00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:32,403
STARTED CRYING,
I KIND OF LAUGHED.
366
00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:34,505
HE CRIED?
367
00:14:34,507 --> 00:14:37,075
YOU LAUGHED?
368
00:14:37,077 --> 00:14:40,411
WHAT KIND OF MONSTER
HAVE YOU RAISED?
369
00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:41,679
DON'T LISTEN
TO THESE GUYS.
370
00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:43,882
YOU KNOW, SHE'S PROBABLY
NOT USED TO SEEING MEN CRY.
371
00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:45,850
BUT AFTER TODAY,
IT'LL BE LIKE OLD HAT.
372
00:14:45,852 --> 00:14:48,686
YEAH, JUSTIN CRYING JUST
CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD, THAT'S ALL.
373
00:14:48,688 --> 00:14:49,888
EVE, YOU'RE A GOOD KID
AND ALL,
374
00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:51,389
BUT THAT -- THAT --
THAT'S COLD.
375
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:55,026
THAT'S -- THAT'S DEEP SPACE,
DARK-SIDE-OF-THE-MOON COLD.
376
00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:58,029
UH, LET'S HAVE ENOUGH
OF THIS.
377
00:14:58,031 --> 00:14:59,697
LET'S WATCH
A LITTLE BASKETBALL.
378
00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:02,400
OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S WHAT WE CAME HERE FOR,
HUH? SIT DOWN.
379
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:04,002
SATELLITE ON, GUYS.
Ed: LET'S GO.
380
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:07,605
SIT DOWN, AND LET'S WATCH
SOME BASKETBALL. ALL RIGHT.
381
00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:10,108
Announcer: ANOTHERINCREDIBLE WIN FOR DENVER.
382
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:11,242
STAY TUNEDFOR POST-GAME COVERAGE,
383
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:12,844
AND OUR INTERVIEWWITH TY LAWSON,
384
00:15:12,846 --> 00:15:16,347
THE QUIZNO'S BACON RANCH PLAYEROF THE GAME.
385
00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:19,918
WOW, THAT WAS SOME GAME.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
386
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:22,553
MAYBE WE'LL COME BY HERE
387
00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:24,022
AND NOT WATCH THE SUPER BOWL
WHEN IT'S ON.
388
00:15:33,198 --> 00:15:34,766
WE NEED TO TALK
ABOUT THIS KYLE THING.
389
00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:36,200
I AM CHANGING.
WELL, GOOD,
390
00:15:36,202 --> 00:15:38,636
BECAUSE I'M NOT CRAZY
ABOUT WHO YOU ARE RIGHT NOW.
391
00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:40,405
MOM?!
392
00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:41,472
SHE'S NOT HERE.
393
00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:43,074
SHE'S OFF BONDING
WITH THE SALESMAN.
394
00:15:43,076 --> 00:15:47,045
THEY'VE BOTH BEEN DUMPED
BY LIARS NAMED JEFF.
395
00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:48,146
LOOK, OKAY?
396
00:15:48,148 --> 00:15:49,948
KYLE WAS NEVER REALLY
IN LOVE WITH ME.
397
00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:52,050
I-I-I-I THINK
HE JUST FELT OBLIGATED
398
00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:53,418
BECAUSE I'M A SINGLE MOM
399
00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:56,054
AND -- AND BOYD HAD GOTTEN
REALLY ATTACHED TO HIM.
400
00:15:56,056 --> 00:15:57,655
BOYD WAS ONLY 4 THEN.
401
00:15:57,657 --> 00:15:59,057
THEY LIKED A LOT
OF THE SAME BOOKS.
402
00:15:59,059 --> 00:16:01,993
ALL OF THOSE TIMES
THAT KYLE TRIED TO GET YOU BACK,
403
00:16:01,995 --> 00:16:04,329
YOU REJECTED HIM
EVERY SINGLE TIME?
404
00:16:04,331 --> 00:16:08,266
YES, I PROMISE, OKAY? YOU HAVE
NO REASON TO BE JEALOUS.
405
00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:10,268
JEALOUS?
WHY WOULD I BE JEALOUS?
406
00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:14,072
I'M JUST MAD AT YOU
FOR REJECTING MY SWEET KYLE.
407
00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:17,675
OH. WHAT?
408
00:16:17,677 --> 00:16:19,577
THAT MUST HAVE REALLY HURT
HIS FEELINGS --
409
00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:20,979
COMING TO YOU
WITH DIRT AND SEEDS
410
00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:23,348
AND GETTING TURNED DOWN OVER
AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
411
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:25,516
SO, YOU'RE MAD AT ME
412
00:16:25,518 --> 00:16:28,086
FOR NOT GETTING BACK
WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND?
413
00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:31,189
ALL HE WANTED
WAS ANOTHER SHOT.
414
00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:34,792
SEE, THIS IS WHY I THINK YOU
AND KYLE ARE THE REAL THING.
415
00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:36,995
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
I'VE SEEN YOU
416
00:16:36,997 --> 00:16:39,597
PUT SOMEONE ELSE'S FEELINGS
AHEAD OF YOUR OWN.
417
00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:41,199
IS THAT WHAT I DID?
418
00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:42,667
YEAH.
419
00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:45,636
AND YOU DID IT
WITHOUT EVEN THINKING.
420
00:16:45,638 --> 00:16:48,873
THAT'S WHEN
I DO MY BEST STUFF.
421
00:16:51,643 --> 00:16:52,810
Announcer: WHAT A NIGHT!
422
00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:56,347
DENVER WINS IN TRIPLE OVERTIME,143-142.
423
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:57,382
[ RADIO TURNS OFF ]
424
00:16:57,384 --> 00:16:59,384
WELL, IF YOU'RE GONNA
MISS A GAME,
425
00:16:59,386 --> 00:17:01,552
MIGHT AS WELL MISS
THE BEST ONE OF THE YEAR.
426
00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:02,820
[ SIGHS ]
427
00:17:02,822 --> 00:17:06,557
WHAT IF ED AND CHUCK
ARE RIGHT ABOUT ME BEING COLD?
428
00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:07,792
EVE, COME ON.
429
00:17:07,794 --> 00:17:09,060
IN THE LAST TWO DAYS,
430
00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:11,462
I'VE BEEN CALLED A MONSTER
AND A ROBOT.
431
00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:12,563
IT'S STARTING TO HURT.
432
00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:14,399
WHO CALLED YOU A ROBOT?
433
00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:16,401
JUSTIN...
434
00:17:16,403 --> 00:17:18,469
WHEN I LAUGHED AT HIM
FOR CRYING.
435
00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:21,672
ROBOTS DON'T LAUGH
AT OTHER PEOPLE'S PAIN.
436
00:17:21,674 --> 00:17:24,709
THAT WOULD BE
A SOCIOPATH.
437
00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:27,311
[ SCOFFS ]
DAD, I'M SERIOUS.
438
00:17:27,313 --> 00:17:29,514
I MEAN,
HAVE YOU EVER LAUGHED
439
00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:31,349
WHEN SOMEONE YOU CARED ABOUT
WAS IN PAIN?
440
00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:33,751
NO. YES.
441
00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:35,753
I MEAN, YOUR MOM MADE
SOME PRETTY FUNNY FACES
442
00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:37,588
WHEN SHE
WAS DELIVERING KRISTIN.
443
00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:39,190
AND I'M TELLING YOU
RIGHT NOW,
444
00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:41,325
NEVER TELL A WOMAN
IN LABOR
445
00:17:41,327 --> 00:17:43,694
THAT SHE LOOKS
LIKE BUDDY HACKETT.
446
00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:47,532
I DON'T KNOW. JUSTIN WAS
MY FIRST REAL BOYFRIEND.
447
00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:50,101
I THINK MAYBE
I SHOULD BE MORE UPSET.
448
00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:52,336
WHAT YOU THINK
DOESN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE.
449
00:17:52,338 --> 00:17:54,038
SEE, THIS IS
ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS.
450
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,441
AND YOUR FEELINGS
ARE GONNA COME UP.
451
00:17:56,443 --> 00:17:58,676
EVEN IF
IT'S 50 YEARS LATER
452
00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:01,045
WHEN YOU'RE SHOWING OFF
YOUR MEDIA ROOM.
453
00:18:01,047 --> 00:18:02,947
SO, I'M NOT COLD?
YOU'RE NOT COLD AT ALL.
454
00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:04,248
YOU HAVE
GREAT FEELINGS.
455
00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:05,850
YOU -- YOU CARE
ABOUT YOUR FAMILY
456
00:18:05,852 --> 00:18:08,786
AND YOUR FRIENDS AND GOD
AND THE BRONCOS...
457
00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:10,955
I DO CRY WHEN THEY LOSE.
MM-HMM.
458
00:18:10,957 --> 00:18:13,391
AND I CRIED
AFTER THE 2012 ELECTION.
459
00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:15,860
I MEAN,
EVEN ROMNEY DIDN'T CRY.
460
00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:17,428
HE'S NOT
PROGRAMMED TO.
461
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,931
ROMNEY IS,
IN FACT, A ROBOT.
462
00:18:22,968 --> 00:18:25,203
HEY.
463
00:18:25,205 --> 00:18:26,771
HEY, HOW WAS ED'S TV?
464
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,439
HEAVY.
465
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:30,641
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
YOU OKAY?
466
00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:31,642
YOU HAVE ANY FEELINGS
YOU WANT --
467
00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:34,712
I GOT TO GO.
468
00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:35,980
WELL, GOOD GOING.
YOU SPOOKED HER.
469
00:18:35,982 --> 00:18:38,883
LIKE THAT 10-POINT BUCK I TRIED
TO SHOOT ON OUR HONEYMOON.
470
00:18:38,885 --> 00:18:40,251
YEAH.
471
00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:42,286
YEAH, HONEY, YOU KNOW,
YOU SHOT AT A DEER
472
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,155
FROM THE BALCONY
OF OUR BRIDAL SUITE.
473
00:18:44,157 --> 00:18:46,757
MM-HMM.
AND, UH -- AND I'M THE ONE
WHO'S OUT OF LINE?
474
00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:48,960
UNH-UNH.
[ CHUCKLES ]
475
00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:50,795
HEY, DID SHE SHOW ANY EMOTION?
SHE CRY? ANYTHING?
NO.
476
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:52,396
IF SHE NEEDS LESSONS,
477
00:18:52,398 --> 00:18:55,633
SHE CAN TAKE THEM
FROM ED AND CHUCK.
478
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,468
HEY, MOM, HAVE YOU SEEN
JUSTIN'S HEADPHONES?
479
00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:59,337
I WANT TO RETURN THEM
AND GET THIS OVER WITH.
480
00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:01,339
UH, YEAH, I DROPPED THEM OFF
WITH JUSTIN'S MOM.
481
00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:04,008
WHAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
SHE IS SO SWEET.
482
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:06,944
WOULD IT BE WEIRD FOR YOU
IF BETTY AND I STAYED FRIENDS?
483
00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:08,946
YOU DROPPED THEM OFF?
484
00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:10,581
WELL, Y-Y-YOU DIDN'T
WANT TO HAVE TO SEE HIM,
485
00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:11,782
SO I JUST THOUGHT I WOULD --
HOW CAN YOU DO THAT, MOM?
486
00:19:11,784 --> 00:19:13,484
I WAS GOING TO DO THAT!
YOU DIDN'T EVEN ASK ME FIRST!
487
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:14,986
NO, NO, NO, BUT, BABE,
YOU SAID YOU WANTED
A CLEAN EXIT, RIGHT?
488
00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:16,921
YOU KNOW WHAT? JUST DO ME
A FAVOR AND DON'T THINK, OKAY?
489
00:19:16,923 --> 00:19:18,856
JUST -- FROM NOW ON,
STAY OUT OF MY LIFE.
490
00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:20,324
[ SIGHS ]
491
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:21,893
HONEY, I --
492
00:19:24,763 --> 00:19:28,799
THERE'S SOME EMOTION.
EVERYBODY HAPPY?
493
00:19:28,801 --> 00:19:30,868
[ EVE CRYING ]
494
00:19:33,805 --> 00:19:35,640
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
495
00:19:35,642 --> 00:19:38,643
SHE'S IN THERE CRYING, MIKE.
IT'S TERRIBLE.
496
00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:40,111
ALL WEEK LONG,
YOU'VE WANTED HER TO CRY.
497
00:19:40,113 --> 00:19:41,712
YES, SHE'S MY BABY.
498
00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:44,215
WELL, NOW THAT SHE'S CRYING,
YOU WANT HER TO STOP?
499
00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:47,652
YES, SHE'S MY BABY.
500
00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:48,853
S-S-SHE JUST NEEDS SOME TIME
BY HERSELF.
501
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:49,820
JUST GET AWAY FR--
W-W-WAIT, BUT IF --
502
00:19:49,822 --> 00:19:51,222
HAVE I MADE IT CLEAR
503
00:19:51,224 --> 00:19:53,791
THAT I'M AVAILABLE
TO TALK TO HER ABOUT THIS?
504
00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:55,826
I THINK
EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.
505
00:19:55,828 --> 00:19:59,630
OH -- WELL, I-I'M GONNA WAIT
HERE JUST IN CASE SHE NEEDS ME.
506
00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:00,798
AS LONG AS IT TAKES.
507
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,400
Eve: MOM?
508
00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:03,901
OH, THANK GOD.
509
00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:13,744
HEY, MIKE BAXTER HERE
FOR OUTDOOR MAN
510
00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:16,180
WITH OUR VALENTINE'S DAY
GIFT COMBO --
511
00:20:16,182 --> 00:20:19,750
HIP WADERS AND A SLEEPING BAG.
512
00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:20,985
HMM?
513
00:20:20,987 --> 00:20:22,553
SEE, YOU'LL NEED
THE SLEEPING BAG
514
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:23,988
WHEN YOUR WIFE KICKS YOU OUT
515
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:26,190
BECAUSE YOU BOUGHT HER
HIP WADERS.
516
00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:28,159
VALENTINE'S DAY
IS A CELEBRATION OF LOVE.
517
00:20:28,161 --> 00:20:29,760
BUT FOR A LOT OF LONELY PEOPLE,
518
00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:31,362
IT'S A BIG HOLIDAY
FOR DEPRESSION,
519
00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:33,998
WHICH IS WHY WE'LL BE CLOSING
THE SHOOTING RANGE
520
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,200
VERY EARLY THAT DAY.
521
00:20:36,202 --> 00:20:38,202
WITH SO MUCH HEARTBREAK,
522
00:20:38,204 --> 00:20:40,004
WHY DO WE PUT
OURSELVES THROUGH THIS?
523
00:20:40,006 --> 00:20:43,007
IS LOVE NECESSARY
FOR OUR SURVIVAL?
524
00:20:43,009 --> 00:20:45,176
ANIMALS DON'T LOVE,
AND THEY SURVIVE JUST FINE,
525
00:20:45,178 --> 00:20:48,212
PRESENT COMPANY EXCLUDED.
526
00:20:48,214 --> 00:20:50,581
WHEN YOU SEE A GIRAFFE RUNNING
ON THE SAVANNAH,
527
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:52,383
IT'S NOT RUNNING
AFTER ANOTHER GIRAFFE
528
00:20:52,385 --> 00:20:54,218
SAYING,
"PLEASE, DON'T LEAVE ME."
529
00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:58,623
IT'S RUNNING FROM A LION SAYING,
"PLEASE DON'T EAT ME."
530
00:20:58,625 --> 00:21:00,224
ONLY HUMANS ARE CAPABLE OF LOVE,
531
00:21:00,226 --> 00:21:02,226
AND THE BEST KIND OF LOVE
IS UNCONDITIONAL --
532
00:21:02,228 --> 00:21:05,062
LOVE OF FAMILY, LOVE OF FRIENDS,
LOVE OF GOD...
533
00:21:05,064 --> 00:21:08,366
AND LOVE OF YOUR NEW 4x4.
534
00:21:08,368 --> 00:21:10,534
LOVE IS ABOUT
THE BEST THING HUMANS HAVE.
535
00:21:10,536 --> 00:21:12,136
AS THE AUTHOR
ROBERT BRAULT SAID,
536
00:21:12,138 --> 00:21:14,138
"FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL LOVE YOU
FOR NO REASON,
537
00:21:14,140 --> 00:21:16,274
AND SHOWER THAT PERSON
WITH REASONS."
538
00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:18,909
THAT IS THE ULTIMATE HAPPINESS.
539
00:21:18,911 --> 00:21:21,879
SO, MAYBE FOLLOW UP THOSE
HIP WADERS WITH SOME FLOWERS.
540
00:21:21,881 --> 00:21:23,147
BUT WHATEVER YOU DO,
541
00:21:23,149 --> 00:21:26,150
DON'T SHOW HER THE PRESENT
YOU GOT YOUR TRUCK.
542
00:21:26,152 --> 00:21:29,053
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY
FROM ALL OF US AT OUTDOOR MAN.
40214
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