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1
00:00:02,635 --> 00:00:03,969
"LAST MAN STANDING" IS RECORDED
2
00:00:03,971 --> 00:00:05,771
IN FRONT OF A LIVESTUDIO AUDIENCE.
3
00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:07,773
ISN'T THIS GREAT --
4
00:00:07,775 --> 00:00:10,676
FOUR OF US GIRLS
ALL STUDYING TOGETHER?
5
00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:12,011
YEAH,
IT'S ESPECIALLY GREAT
6
00:00:12,013 --> 00:00:14,179
HOW YOU KEEP INTERRUPTING
TO POINT THAT OUT.
7
00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:17,182
WELL, I CAN'T LOOK AT
THESE TEACHER-TRAINING MANUALS
8
00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:18,617
ONE MORE MINUTE.
9
00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:21,353
I HAVE AN IDEA --
COFFEE RUN!
10
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:24,356
MOM, IT'S AFTER 9:00.
WE'D BE UP ALL NIGHT.
11
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:26,025
WELL, WHO'S UP
FOR SOME FRO-YO, THEN?
12
00:00:26,027 --> 00:00:27,459
WE HAVE SOME
IN THE FREEZER.
13
00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:29,228
OKAY, FINE.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
14
00:00:29,230 --> 00:00:31,230
YOU GUYS, YOU'RE THE LAMEST
ROOMMATES EVER.
15
00:00:32,899 --> 00:00:36,535
I REALLY HOPE MY COLLEGE
EXPERIENCE ISN'T THIS SAD.
16
00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:37,536
ME TOO.
17
00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:41,140
UH, THIS IS
YOUR COLLEGE EXPERIENCE.
18
00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:43,375
OKAY. NOW I'M SAD.
19
00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,544
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATION ]
20
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:46,545
[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]
HEY!
21
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,313
HEY, GUYS.
HI!
22
00:00:48,315 --> 00:00:50,315
HOW WAS
THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE DINNER,
23
00:00:50,317 --> 00:00:52,551
MR. PHILANTHROPIST
OF THE YEAR?
24
00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:53,552
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
25
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:57,089
IT WAS HUMBLING AND...
LONG OVERDUE.
26
00:00:57,091 --> 00:01:00,059
I ACTUALLY TEARED UP
DURING THE ACCEPTANCE SPEECH.
27
00:01:00,061 --> 00:01:01,860
I DO THAT
WHEN I'M YAWNING.
28
00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:04,063
WELL, ED, YOU REALLY
DESERVE THIS HONOR.
29
00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:05,330
YOU HAVE DONE SO MUCH
FOR DENVER.
30
00:01:05,332 --> 00:01:07,566
OH, COME ON.
YOU KNOW,
THE ED ALZATE TRAUMA CENTER...
31
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:10,903
WELL...IT'S TRUE.
...THE ED ALZATE SCHOLARSHIP,
THE ED ALZATE PARK.
32
00:01:10,905 --> 00:01:12,104
KIDS GET HURT
AT THE PARK,
33
00:01:12,106 --> 00:01:13,806
THEY GO RIGHT TO
THE TRAUMA CENTER.
34
00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:17,609
WELL,
IT'S CALLED "SYNERGY."
35
00:01:17,611 --> 00:01:19,044
IF THERE'S ONE THING
I'VE LEARNED IN LIFE --
36
00:01:19,046 --> 00:01:20,846
IF YOU WANT TO BE RECOGNIZED
FOR SOMETHING,
37
00:01:20,848 --> 00:01:22,214
JUST SLAP
YOUR NAME ON IT.
38
00:01:22,216 --> 00:01:26,051
BUT DOESN'T TAKING CREDIT
FOR GOOD DEEDS MAKE THEM...
39
00:01:26,053 --> 00:01:27,019
LESS GOOD?
40
00:01:27,021 --> 00:01:28,754
SAYS WHO?
41
00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:31,857
OH -- MAIMONIDES,
THE MEDIEVAL PHILOSOPHER.
42
00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:34,126
DAD, TIME TO BREAK OUT
THAT YAWN AGAIN.
43
00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:38,097
ACCORDING TO MAIMONIDES,
THE HIGHEST FORM OF CHARITY
44
00:01:38,099 --> 00:01:40,265
IS GIVING
WITHOUT TAKING ANY CREDIT.
45
00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:41,700
I'M SORRY,
I COULDN'T HEAR YOU
46
00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:44,436
OVER THE MEMORY OF HUNDREDS
OF PEOPLE APPLAUDING ME.
47
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:46,438
ON THE OTHER HAND,
WHEN PEOPLE SEE YOU GIVE,
48
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,107
IT ENCOURAGES OTHERS
TO BE GENEROUS.
49
00:01:48,109 --> 00:01:51,310
THAT'S WHY GOD INVENTED
THE COLLECTION PLATE.
50
00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:52,945
YOU KNOW, MIKE,
THIS COULD BE GOOD PUBLICITY
51
00:01:52,947 --> 00:01:53,945
FOR THE STORE.
52
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,081
WELL, WE COULD TAKE A PICTURE
OF YOU IN THE MEDAL
53
00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:57,583
AND PUT IT
IN THE NEWSPAPER.
54
00:01:57,585 --> 00:01:59,952
ALL RIGHT, WELL, LAST YEAR,
WHEN PETE CUTLER WON THE AWARD,
55
00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:02,221
HIS COMPANY PUT UP
A 30-FOOT BILLBOARD.
56
00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:05,757
PETE CUTLER OWNS
A BILLBOARD COMPANY.
57
00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:08,260
OH, FORGET IT. THEN I'LL --
I'LL JUST, UH, TACK UP A FLYER
58
00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:10,562
IN THE BREAK ROOM,
AND I'LL SPRING FOR THE TACK.
59
00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:13,732
BOSS, IF YOU WANT A BILLBOARD,
I'LL GET YOU A BILLBOARD.
60
00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:15,300
OKAY. GOOD.
[ CHUCKLES ] GOOD.
61
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:16,768
YOU KNOW,
I JUST HAPPENED TO BE
62
00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:21,140
DOODLING SOME BILLBOARD DESIGNS
HERE WHILE...
63
00:02:21,142 --> 00:02:24,910
WHILE THE CHILDREN'S CHOIR
WAS DRONING ON, HEY.
64
00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:27,946
"ED ALZATE --
40 YEARS OF SERVICE TO DENVER."
65
00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:30,315
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
WHOSE PICTURE'S THAT?
66
00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:31,483
THAT'S ME.
67
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:34,119
OH.
YOU ARE A PHILANTHROPIST.
68
00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:35,921
VERY GENEROUS
WITH THE HAIR.
69
00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:45,931
[ ENGINE SHUTS OFF ]
70
00:02:48,468 --> 00:02:50,035
[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]
71
00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:52,504
HEY, KYLE,
WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?
72
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:55,741
ACCORDING TO THE BILLBOARD,
IT'S BEEN GOING ON FOR 40 YEARS.
73
00:02:59,212 --> 00:03:03,949
I GUESS THAT'S ONE WAY
TO GIVE BACK TO THE COMMUNITY.
74
00:03:03,951 --> 00:03:07,920
-- Captions by VITAC --
75
00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:10,322
DID YOU SEE IT?
YEAH.
76
00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:12,558
YOU'RE REALLY CLEANING UP
THIS AWARD SEASON.
77
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:14,359
YOU GOT
THAT SERVICE AWARD.
78
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,962
NOW YOU GET A MEDAL
FOR SPREADING STDs.
79
00:03:16,964 --> 00:03:18,530
YES, YES, FUNNY --
VERY FUNNY.
80
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,866
I WANT WHOEVER DID THIS
DRAWN AND QUARTERED --
81
00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:22,134
NO, MAKE IT EIGHTHS.
82
00:03:22,136 --> 00:03:23,302
I WANT TO GIVE HIM
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT.
83
00:03:23,304 --> 00:03:25,737
ED, ED. CALM DOWN.
YOU KNOW WHAT DOCTORS SAY.
84
00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:27,806
STRESS WILL BRING ON
ANOTHER OUTBREAK.
85
00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:30,175
I'M AN AWARD-WINNING
PHILANTHROPIST.
86
00:03:30,177 --> 00:03:32,044
I THOUGHT
PEOPLE LIKED ME.
87
00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:33,645
IF PEOPLE
DIDN'T LIKE YOU,
88
00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:37,015
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE CAUGHT
SO MANY DISEASES.
89
00:03:37,017 --> 00:03:38,850
DON'T TAKE IT
PERSONALLY.
90
00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:40,586
IT'S JUST SOME PUNKS
HAVING FUN.
91
00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:42,020
I'M GONNA FIRE
THE WHOLE SECURITY STAFF.
92
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:43,822
OUR SECURITY STAFF
DOES A GREAT JOB.
93
00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:45,757
WHAT WE NEED IS A LITTLE HELP
OUTSIDE AT NIGHT.
94
00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:47,092
WE NEED SOMEONE TO DEFEND
THE PERIMETER, I GUESS --
95
00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:48,527
A CRIMINAL MASTERMIND.
96
00:03:48,529 --> 00:03:50,262
YEAH, OR A 13-YEAR-OLD
WITH A SPRAY CAN
97
00:03:50,264 --> 00:03:53,165
AND A VERY FLEXIBLE
CURFEW.
98
00:03:55,935 --> 00:03:58,837
THANKS FOR LETTING ME
SHADOW YOUR CLASS, CAROL.
99
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:01,707
I JUST FEEL LIKE
I'M ONE STEP CLOSER TO...
100
00:04:01,709 --> 00:04:04,109
[ Funky accent ]
...GETTIN' MY TEACH ON.
101
00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:05,109
[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]
102
00:04:05,111 --> 00:04:06,945
WELL, THERE'S STILL
SOME THINGS YOU HAVE TO LEARN...
103
00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:09,214
[ Normal voice ] YEAH.
...LIKE NEVER USING
THAT EXPRESSION AGAIN.
104
00:04:09,216 --> 00:04:11,216
I GUESS I SHOULD ALSO
STOP CALLING MYSELF
105
00:04:11,218 --> 00:04:13,018
YOUR "WHITE SHADOW."
106
00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:15,120
THAT I DON'T MIND.
107
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:17,923
OH. HEY, MRS. LARABEE.
108
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:19,057
HEY, HONEY.
HELLO, MANDY.
109
00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:20,359
YOU KNOW WHAT?
110
00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:21,960
I WOULD LOVE TO COMPLIMENT YOU
ON THAT OUTFIT,
111
00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:23,762
BUT I'M GONNA WAIT
TILL AFTER YOU LEAVE,
112
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,297
'CAUSE THAT WAY
IT'LL MEAN MORE.
113
00:04:26,733 --> 00:04:29,935
PHILOSOPHY.
114
00:04:53,726 --> 00:04:55,827
HOW LONG HAVE YOU
BEEN STANDING THERE?
115
00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:59,231
LONG ENOUGH TO SEE SOMETHING
RARE AND WEIRD.
116
00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:01,500
LIKE A UNICORN...
117
00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:02,934
DOING DISHES.
118
00:05:02,936 --> 00:05:04,970
OR MAYBE I'M JUST GOING OUT
OF MY WAY
119
00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:07,606
TO DO SOMETHING NICE
WITHOUT TAKING CREDIT.
120
00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:10,509
SOUNDS LIKE SOMEBODY'S TOOTING
THEIR OWN HORN RIGHT NOW.
121
00:05:10,511 --> 00:05:14,046
IT MUST BE KYLE.
I GOT TO RUN.
122
00:05:15,848 --> 00:05:18,317
[ Chuckling ] WOW.
123
00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:21,653
EVIE, SOMEONE DID SOMETHING
VERY THOUGHTFUL IN HERE.
124
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:25,324
AND I'D LOVE TO TAKE CREDIT,
BUT AS WE KNOW,
125
00:05:25,326 --> 00:05:28,960
DOING GOOD WITHOUT CREDIT
IS ITS OWN REWARD.
126
00:05:28,962 --> 00:05:30,195
[ INHALES DEEPLY ]
127
00:05:30,197 --> 00:05:32,130
THAT SAID, IF SOME NACHOS
FOUND THE WAY TO MY ROOM,
128
00:05:32,132 --> 00:05:33,765
I WOULDN'T COMPLAIN.
129
00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:36,101
[ DOOR OPENS ]
130
00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:38,136
HEY, HONEY.
HEY. YOU KNOW WHAT?
131
00:05:38,138 --> 00:05:40,939
OUR GIRLS ARE TURNING INTO
SOME VERY FINE YOUNG WOMEN.
132
00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:42,874
YEAH. IT'S ALL ME.
133
00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:45,043
YOU KNOW THAT BILLBOARD
WE PUT UP FOR ED?
134
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:46,044
YEAH, YEAH.
135
00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:47,579
SOMEBODY SPRAYED GRAFFITI
ALL OVER IT.
136
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:51,516
IT'S SUGGESTING
ED IS RIDDLED WITH STDs.
137
00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:53,985
[ GASPS ] OH, MY GOD.
[ LAUGHS ]
138
00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:57,289
HE'S BEEN FIELDING CALLS
FROM EX-GIRLFRIENDS ALL DAY.
139
00:05:57,291 --> 00:05:58,690
THOSE MUST BE
UNCOMFORTABLE.
140
00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:01,860
NAH, JUST THE ONE
THAT CALLED TO APOLOGIZE.
141
00:06:03,162 --> 00:06:04,796
WE'RE GONNA GET
A NEW BILLBOARD,
142
00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:05,964
AND I'M GONNA BEEF UP
SECURITY,
143
00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:07,966
SO I'M THINKING
OF ASKING CHUCK LARABEE
144
00:06:07,968 --> 00:06:09,167
IF HE WANTS THE JOB.
145
00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:11,002
UH, WELL -- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
NO, HONEY.
146
00:06:11,004 --> 00:06:14,239
UM...THE...
CAROL'S OUT THERE.
147
00:06:14,241 --> 00:06:15,507
WELL,
TELL HER THE GOOD NEWS.
148
00:06:15,509 --> 00:06:16,575
SHE'LL BE SPENDING A LOT
LESS TIME WITH HER HUSBAND.
149
00:06:16,577 --> 00:06:18,577
YEAH, BUT IF YOU HIRE HIM
AT WORK,
150
00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:21,847
THAT PUTS YOU IN THE AWKWARD
POSITION OF BEING CHUCK'S BOSS.
151
00:06:21,849 --> 00:06:23,415
NOT AWKWARD FOR ME.
Y-Y-YEAH, NO.
152
00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:26,051
BUT YOU'D BE MIXING FRIENDSHIP
WITH WORK AND JUST --
153
00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:27,652
I-I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, BUT IT'S
NOT LIKE THAT WITH GUYS.
154
00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:29,054
REALLY, IT ISN'T.
WE SEPARATE THAT.
NO?
155
00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:30,422
WELL, YOU REMEMBER THE SCENE
IN "THE GODFATHER"
156
00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:32,391
WHEN TOM HAGEN
WENT TO TESSIO...
OKAY.
157
00:06:32,393 --> 00:06:33,592
...SAID HE HAD
TO GET WHACKED...
UH-HUH.
158
00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:34,593
...AND TESSIO SAID,
"WHAT?"
159
00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:35,827
HE GOES,
"IT'S JUST BUSINESS."
160
00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:37,596
AND EVEN TESSIO WENT,
"OH, OKAY. I GET IT."
161
00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:39,531
AND THEN
HE GOT WHACKED.
162
00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:41,767
SO IF THINGS GO BADLY
AT WORK,
163
00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:44,603
YOU CAN WHACK CHUCK,
AND HE'LL UNDERSTAND?
164
00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:45,704
[ CHUCKLES ]
165
00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:48,206
HOPE IT DOESN'T COME TO THAT,
BUT YEAH.
166
00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:51,009
HONEY, IF THERE ARE ANY PROBLEMS
BETWEEN YOU AND CHUCK,
167
00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:53,011
THAT'LL CAUSE PROBLEMS
BETWEEN ME AND CAROL,
168
00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:56,114
AND [SIGHS]
SHE'S MY SPECIAL FRIEND.
169
00:06:58,117 --> 00:07:00,352
YEAH.
Y-YOUR SPECIAL FRIEND.
170
00:07:00,354 --> 00:07:03,088
I THINK FEBRUARY IS
SPECIAL-FRIEND HISTORY MONTH.
171
00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:05,290
ISN'T IT?
WHAT? OH, STOP!
172
00:07:05,292 --> 00:07:06,525
LOOK, COME ON.
173
00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:08,126
CAN'T YOU JUST HIRE
ANOTHER SECURITY COMPANY?
174
00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:09,761
SERIOUSLY?
YES!
175
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:10,896
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
ALL RIGHT.
176
00:07:10,898 --> 00:07:13,098
I GUESS EVERY BARBARA
NEEDS THEIR WHOOPI.
177
00:07:15,401 --> 00:07:16,968
HEY, CAROL.
HEY, THAT'S CHUCK.
178
00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:18,403
YOU WANT ME
TO GET THE DOOR, MIKE?
179
00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:20,439
NO, NO.
YOU'RE SPECIAL.
180
00:07:20,441 --> 00:07:22,073
[ DOOR OPENS ]
181
00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:24,309
COME ON IN, CHUCK.
HEY, BAXTER.
182
00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:25,710
HEY. HI, CHUCK.
HEY.
183
00:07:25,712 --> 00:07:27,612
HEY, CAROL, YOU --
YOU ALMOST READY?
YEAH. YEP.
184
00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:28,980
HEY, BAXTER, YOU KNOW,
185
00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:31,950
I HEARD ABOUT THE VANDALISM
AT YOUR STORE.
186
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:33,218
HOW ARE YOU HANDLING IT?
Mike: IT WAS --
187
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:34,920
IT'S ALL TAKEN CARE OF.
THANKS FOR ASKING.
188
00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:36,488
HOW ARE YOU
FOR SECURITY CAMERAS?
189
00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:38,457
CHUCK, WE --
WE ARE REALLY LOOKING FORWARD
190
00:07:38,459 --> 00:07:40,091
TO THAT CONCERT
FRIDAY NIGHT.
191
00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:42,894
YEAH.
NOW, WHICH ONE OF YOU LADIES
PICKED JAMES TAYLOR?
192
00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:44,930
I DID.
WHAT?
193
00:07:44,932 --> 00:07:46,965
I'M ALLOWED
TO LIKE JAMES TAYLOR.
194
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:47,933
YOU'RE ALLOWED
TO LIKE A LOT OF THINGS.
195
00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:49,468
THAT DOESN'T MEAN
YOU ACT ON IT.
196
00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:51,102
NO, BUT -- BUT THANK YOU
FOR INVITING US.
197
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:53,305
YEAH,
WE'LL PAY YOU BACK...
198
00:07:53,307 --> 00:07:55,073
NEXT TIME GEORGE CLINTON
AND THE PARLIAMENT/FUNKADELIC
199
00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:56,174
ROLL IN.
200
00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:58,176
SO THERE IS A CLINTON
YOU LIKE.
201
00:07:59,445 --> 00:08:00,912
LISTEN,
ABOUT YOUR TAGGER --
202
00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:02,347
I TOLD YOU
WE TOOK CARE OF IT.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
203
00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:03,982
YOU NEED TO
NIP THIS IN THE BUD,
204
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,984
OR, BEFORE LONG,
THE SIDE OF YOUR BUILDING
205
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,486
IS THE UGLIEST THING
YOU'VE EVER SEEN.
206
00:08:07,488 --> 00:08:10,288
OH, I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.
I'VE SEEN A LOT OF THINGS.
207
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:14,493
I'VE SEEN FIRE.
I'VE -- I'VE SEEN RAIN.
208
00:08:14,495 --> 00:08:16,094
BUT I HAVE NEVER SEEN
A BLACK MAN
209
00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:17,362
AT A JAMES TAYLOR CONCERT.
210
00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:19,231
[ LAUGHTER ]
211
00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:27,439
HEY, KYLE,
WHAT'S ED UP TO?
212
00:08:27,441 --> 00:08:29,341
OH, HE'S IN A MEETING
WITH A SPECIALIST
213
00:08:29,343 --> 00:08:30,876
ABOUT
OUR GRAFFITI PROBLEM.
214
00:08:30,878 --> 00:08:32,310
YOU KNOW,
HE WAS REALLY HAPPY
215
00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:34,145
YOU GOT THAT NEW BILLBOARD
UP SO FAST.
216
00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:36,314
ALL RIGHT.
DIDN'T LIKE PEOPLE
LOOKING AT HIM
217
00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:38,183
AND THINKING
OF VENEREAL DISEASE.
218
00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:40,819
BILLBOARD
DIDN'T START THAT.
219
00:08:40,821 --> 00:08:43,388
LET'S JUST HOPE THESE VANDALS
DON'T GET CUTE WITH THE NEW ONE.
220
00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:46,057
THAT IS A GREAT ATTITUDE,
MR. B.
221
00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:48,627
SOMETIMES I GET SO MAD
AT VANDALS,
222
00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:50,095
I FORGET HOW CUTE
THEY CAN BE.
223
00:08:52,031 --> 00:08:56,134
MIKE, GUESS WHO I HIRED
TO GUARD OUR PARKING LOT.
224
00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:57,903
HEY, BAXTER.
225
00:08:57,905 --> 00:09:00,839
CHUCK LARABEE.
226
00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:03,074
YEAH, WELL, HE'S A FRIEND.
I KNEW YOU WOULDN'T MIND.
227
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:05,043
SO, NOW,
IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
228
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:09,481
I HAVE TO RETURN SOME
VERY UNCOMFORTABLE PHONE CALLS.
229
00:09:09,483 --> 00:09:12,484
YOU DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM
WITH THIS, DO YOU, MIKE?
230
00:09:12,486 --> 00:09:14,586
NO, I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM
WITH THIS.
231
00:09:14,588 --> 00:09:16,988
OH, GOOD,
'CAUSE, YOU KNOW...
232
00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:18,924
[ CHUCKLES ]
IT'S JUST CURIOUS.
233
00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:23,562
SEE, I SAW YOU LAST NIGHT,
AND WE DISCUSSED THE VANDALISM,
234
00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:26,898
BUT AT NO POINT DID YOU MENTION
THERE WAS A JOB AVAILABLE.
235
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,067
VANESSA THOUGHT
IT WOULD BE AWKWARD
236
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:32,070
FOR US TO WORK TOGETHER,
SINCE THE FOUR OF US HANG OUT.
237
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,906
SHE DOESN'T THINK
THAT MEN CAN SEPARATE STUFF.
238
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:35,907
[ SCOFFS ] WELL, SEE,
239
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,776
THAT'S BECAUSE WOMEN
CAN'T LET THINGS GO.
240
00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:39,778
EXACTLY. YEAH. YEAH.
I MEAN,
I'VE ALREADY FORGOTTEN
241
00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:41,947
THAT YOU COMPLETELY DISSED ME
LAST NIGHT.
242
00:09:41,949 --> 00:09:43,782
I'VE ALMOST FORGOTTEN
243
00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:46,451
THAT YOU'RE A BIG FAN
OF SWEET BABY JAMES.
244
00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:47,786
[ CHUCKLES ]
245
00:09:47,788 --> 00:09:50,021
AND BESIDES, TECHNICALLY,
I DON'T WORK FOR YOU.
246
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:51,456
I'M AN
INDEPENDENT CONTRACTOR.
247
00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:53,058
YEAH, BUT YOU WORK
FOR OUTDOOR MAN,
248
00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:55,126
SO YOU TECHNICALLY
DO WORK FOR --
249
00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:58,463
ED -- HE'S THE ONE
THAT HIRED ME.
250
00:09:58,465 --> 00:10:00,031
HE DOESN'T HAVE TO CHECK
WITH HIS WIFE
251
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:02,634
FOR PERSONNEL DECISIONS.
252
00:10:02,636 --> 00:10:06,237
[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]
253
00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:10,108
CAN'T BELIEVE MY WIFE
THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE AWKWARD.
254
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,276
MM, NO.
255
00:10:18,818 --> 00:10:20,819
OH, CRAP.
256
00:10:25,091 --> 00:10:28,093
Ed:
THIS BILLBOARD IS A NIGHTMARE.
257
00:10:28,095 --> 00:10:30,996
I FEEL LIKE MY MOTHER'S
STARING DOWN AT ME, MIKE.
258
00:10:30,998 --> 00:10:33,164
JUST RELAX. DON'T GET
YOUR PANTIES ALL TWISTED UP.
259
00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:35,066
I ASSUME YOU'RE WEARING
A MATCHING SET.
260
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:37,902
YEAH, BUT CHUCK WAS SUPPOSED TO
BE GUARDING THAT THING,
261
00:10:37,904 --> 00:10:39,971
SO WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY
FOR YOUR BUDDY NOW?
262
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,506
MY "BUDDY"?
YOU'RE THE ONE THAT HIRED HIM.
263
00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:43,274
WELL, I'M ABOUT READY
TO FIRE HIM.
264
00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:45,910
AND WOULD YOU PLEASE
GET MY CHI-CHIS
265
00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:47,646
OFF THE SIDE
OF THE STORE?
266
00:10:47,648 --> 00:10:49,648
I CAN GET THEM
OFF THE SIDE OF THE STORE,
267
00:10:49,650 --> 00:10:51,416
BUT I'LL NEVER
GET THEM OUT OF HERE.
268
00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:52,984
OF COURSE.
269
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,953
IS ED IN?
270
00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:57,355
UH, YEAH, BUT I'D LET HIM
CALM DOWN FIRST.
271
00:10:57,357 --> 00:10:59,357
MR. ALZATE IS
PRETTY STEAMED.
272
00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:01,159
YEAH.
I WONDER WHY.
273
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:02,160
IT'S BECAUSE
YOU MESSED UP
274
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,528
AND THEY PAINTED
THE BILLBOARD AGAIN.
275
00:11:05,364 --> 00:11:09,000
WELL, LOOK WHO SHOWED UP
TO HELP SOLVE THE CAPER --
276
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:11,002
SHERLOCK HOMEY.
277
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:13,805
[ Chuckling ] OH, I GET IT.
IT'S BECAUSE I'M BLACK.
278
00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:15,173
YEAH. I'M SORRY.
279
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:17,375
THE -- THE TAGGERS
FOOLED MY GUARD LAST NIGHT
280
00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:19,010
WITH A DECOY.
281
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:21,613
WHILE HE WAS CHASING ONE GUY,
THE OTHER ONE TAGGED THE STORE.
282
00:11:21,615 --> 00:11:23,148
RIGHT, RIGHT, SOUNDS LIKE
A REAL "OCEAN'S ELEVEN"
283
00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:24,148
GOING ON DOWN THERE.
[ SIGHS ]
284
00:11:24,150 --> 00:11:26,451
I TOLD ED WE NEEDED
AT LEAST TWO GUARDS
285
00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:27,852
TO DO THIS THING RIGHT,
286
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:30,055
BUT, UH, HE WENT WITH
THE CHEAPER SECURITY PACKAGE.
287
00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:31,022
LISTEN,
IF YOU COULDN'T DO THE JOB,
288
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,157
YOU SHOULDN'T
HAVE SAID YES,
289
00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:34,225
BUT YOU DID, AND NOW
I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS.
290
00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:36,561
OKAY, FINE, BAXTER.
I'LL HANDLE IT.
291
00:11:36,563 --> 00:11:37,896
RIGHT.
292
00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:39,064
WELL, THERE'S A 40-FOOT
BALD GUY ON THE WALL DOWN THERE
293
00:11:39,066 --> 00:11:40,899
IN D-CUPS
THAT BEGS TO DIFFER.
294
00:11:40,901 --> 00:11:44,135
YOU DON'T DO THIS RIGHT,
YOU'RE GONNA GET FIRED.
295
00:11:53,045 --> 00:11:54,679
OH, HONEY,
YOU KNOW WHAT?
296
00:11:54,681 --> 00:11:56,247
PLEASE DON'T LEAVE
YOUR DIRTY DISHES EVERYWHERE.
297
00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:57,549
WE'LL GET RATS,
298
00:11:57,551 --> 00:12:00,719
AND NOT THE CUTE KIND
THAT DRESS YOU FOR THE BALL.
299
00:12:00,721 --> 00:12:02,487
I WAS GOING TO GET THOSE.
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
300
00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:04,089
I HAVE HEARD THAT BEFORE,
301
00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:06,558
AND THEN SOMEONE LIKE ME OR EVE
HAS TO CLEAN UP AFTER YOU.
302
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,359
YOU KNOW SHE CLEANED
THE WHOLE KITCHEN THE OTHER DAY?
303
00:12:08,361 --> 00:12:09,561
SORRY, WHAT?
YOU DID WHAT?
304
00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:10,995
YEAH.
MOM, PLEASE.
305
00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:12,097
I DID NOT TAKE CREDIT
FOR THAT.
306
00:12:12,099 --> 00:12:13,364
GOOD, BECAUSE --
307
00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:15,166
BECAUSE TAKING CREDIT
IS SELFISH.
308
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:16,735
ISN'T THAT RIGHT,
MAIMONIDES?
309
00:12:16,737 --> 00:12:18,603
OH.
310
00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:22,040
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU.
311
00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:24,843
YOU'RE GONNA BE REALLY SORRY
NEXT SEMESTER
312
00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:29,047
WHEN I'M DONE TAKING PHILOSOPHY
AND I START TAKING JUDO.
313
00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:31,216
HEY, MY LOVE.
HEY.
314
00:12:31,218 --> 00:12:32,617
HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY?
315
00:12:32,619 --> 00:12:35,954
ANYBODY PUT GUM IN YOUR HAIR
OR BULLY YOU OR ANYTHING?
316
00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:38,556
SHADOWING CAROL IS GREAT,
AND I AM REALLY
317
00:12:38,558 --> 00:12:40,692
MAKING A GOOD CONNECTION
WITH THESE AMAZING KIDS.
318
00:12:40,694 --> 00:12:42,260
THAT'S GREAT.
LOOK AT THIS.
319
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:43,695
THEY DID
OUR BILLBOARD AGAIN.
320
00:12:43,697 --> 00:12:45,063
[ SCOFFS ]
321
00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:47,065
ANY OF THOSE AMAZING KIDS
HAVE SPRAY PAINT ON THEIR HANDS?
322
00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:49,634
I THOUGHT YOU HIRED CHUCK
TO GUARD THE PARKING LOT.
323
00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:51,803
HE NAILED IT.
PARKING LOT'S STILL THERE.
324
00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:52,803
[ SIGHS ]
325
00:12:52,805 --> 00:12:54,873
BUT SEE THAT THIS IS EXACTLY
WHAT I WAS WORRIED ABOUT?
326
00:12:54,875 --> 00:12:56,441
NOW YOU HAVE A PROBLEM
WITH CHUCK,
327
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,810
AND IT'S GONNA MAKE THINGS TENSE
WITH ME AND CAROL.
328
00:12:58,812 --> 00:13:00,411
NEIGHBOR CHUCK AND I
DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM.
329
00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:02,580
WORK CHUCK AND I
HAVE A PROBLEM.
330
00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:04,082
YEAH, BUT BOTH CHUCKS
ARE MARRIED
331
00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:05,049
TO ONE OF
MY VERY-BEST FRIENDS.
332
00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:06,317
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY
333
00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:07,418
I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO HIRE HIM
IN THE FIRST PLACE.
334
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:08,620
I DIDN'T HIRE HIM.
HONEY...
335
00:13:08,622 --> 00:13:09,921
TAKE THIS UP
WITH WORK ED.
336
00:13:09,923 --> 00:13:11,823
[ SIGHS ]
NOT NOW. STOP.
337
00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,124
HEY.
HI. HI.
338
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:14,292
HOW ARE YOU?
339
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:15,794
HI, CAROL. HI, CHUCK.
HELLO.
340
00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:17,328
NICE TO SEE YOU.
HEY, BAXTER.
HI. SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN.
341
00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:19,130
UH, SO WE, UH, HAVE SOME TIME
FOR A DRINK BEFORE THE SHOW.
342
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:20,498
OH, OKAY.
343
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,567
I WOULD LOVE
A GLASS OF WINE.
YEAH? OKAY. CHUCK?
344
00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:24,102
MAYBE, UH,
JUST A SODA.
345
00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:25,136
SODA?
346
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:27,005
YOU WOULDN'T WANT ANYTHING
TO INTERFERE
347
00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:28,306
WITH YOUR ABILITY TO ROCK OUT
TO JAMES TAYLOR, HUH?
348
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:29,674
[ CHUCKLES ]
349
00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:33,077
YOU LAUGH, BUT LAST YEAR,
WHEN HE WENT INTO "MOCKINGBIRD,"
350
00:13:33,079 --> 00:13:35,013
THAT PLACE WENT NUTS.
351
00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:36,214
THAT WAS YOU, CHUCK.
352
00:13:37,249 --> 00:13:38,349
YOU WENT NUTS.
353
00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:40,018
FOLKS BEHIND US
ASKED YOU TO SIT DOWN.
354
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:43,021
UH, THIS WINE IS, UH --
IS FROM ED'S VINEYARD.
355
00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:45,690
IT IS DELICIOUS AND, UH,
SURPRISINGLY CHEAP.
356
00:13:45,692 --> 00:13:47,926
HMM. CHEAP.
SOUNDS LIKE ED.
357
00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:48,926
[ WINE POURING ]
358
00:13:48,928 --> 00:13:51,095
IF YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY,
WHY DON'T YOU JUST SAY IT?
359
00:13:51,097 --> 00:13:52,095
I THINK I SAID IT.
360
00:13:53,532 --> 00:13:55,934
UH, I AM SURE LOOKING FORWARD
TO THAT CONCERT, YOU KNOW?
361
00:13:55,936 --> 00:13:57,168
[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]
OH, YEAH.
362
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,870
UH, MAYBE WE SHOULD
WATCH THE TIME, THOUGH.
363
00:13:58,872 --> 00:14:00,038
YEAH, THINK YOU CAN
DO THAT, CHUCK --
364
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:01,773
KEEP AN EYE ON SOMETHING
FOR ME?
365
00:14:01,775 --> 00:14:04,108
HA HA.
SHOULDN'T BE A PROBLEM.
366
00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:06,044
SURE IT'S NOT
A TWO-MAN JOB?
367
00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:08,146
WHAT'S GOING ON?
NOTHING.
368
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:09,314
NAH, WE'RE FINE.
369
00:14:09,316 --> 00:14:10,982
[ Sighing ] ANYWAY...
370
00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:12,150
[ Normal voice ] I WOULD LIKE
TO PROPOSE A TOAST...
371
00:14:12,152 --> 00:14:13,551
MM-HMM.
...TO MY GOOD FRIEND CAROL.
372
00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:15,353
OH.
373
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:18,790
UH, CAROL, I AM HAVING
SO MUCH FUN IN YOUR CLASSROOM.
374
00:14:18,792 --> 00:14:20,358
OH. WELL,
I'M GLAD YOU'RE HAVING FUN.
375
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,360
YEAH, WELL, NOT JUST FUN.
I-I'M LEARNING A LOT.
376
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,329
AND, UH -- AND THE KIDS,
THEY'RE LEARNING, TOO.
377
00:14:24,331 --> 00:14:26,130
YES, BUT THEY REALLY DO
LEARN BETTER
378
00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:28,399
WHEN WE DON'T
DO THEIR WORK FOR THEM.
379
00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:32,203
[ CHUCKLES ]
OH. WE DON'T
DO THEIR WORK FOR THEM.
380
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:34,706
YEAH, WELL, MAYBE I GIVE THEM
A HINT OR TWO, BUT JUST...
381
00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:37,141
YEAH. "X EQUALS 6"
IS NOT A HINT
382
00:14:37,143 --> 00:14:39,110
WHEN THE QUESTION IS
"WHAT DOES X EQUAL?"
383
00:14:41,413 --> 00:14:44,115
IS THIS STILL PART
OF THE TOAST?
384
00:14:46,085 --> 00:14:48,519
MAYBE WE SHOULD GO
TO THE CONCERT EARLY.
385
00:14:48,521 --> 00:14:51,522
THERE'LL BE, UH, METAL DETECTORS
AND A LOT OF ARTIFICIAL HIPS.
386
00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:52,891
LET'S GO.
I'M SORRY, CAROL.
387
00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:55,393
BUT IT JUST SEEMED LIKE YOU WERE
LOSING SOME OF THE KIDS.
388
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:56,995
[ Chuckling ] OH, YOU WANT TO
TALK ABOUT LOSING KIDS?
389
00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:58,997
I LEAVE YOU FOR TWO MINUTES,
COME BACK,
390
00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:01,699
AND FOUND MY STUDENTS
WANDERING THE HALL.
391
00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:03,568
ALL RIGHT, DOMINIQUE NEEDED
TO GO TO HER LOCKER...
392
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:04,936
OH.
...AND WHEN
SHE DIDN'T COME BACK,
393
00:15:04,938 --> 00:15:06,938
TROY VOLUNTEERED
TO GO LOOK FOR HER.
394
00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:09,007
UH-HUH.
AND HE FOUND HER.
395
00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:11,175
AND I FOUND THEM MAKING OUT
BY THE TROPHY CASE.
396
00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:13,011
NEW TOAST! TO TROY!
397
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:14,012
OH.
TO TROY!
398
00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:15,680
[ GLASSES CLINK ]
399
00:15:15,682 --> 00:15:17,282
ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT?
SO I JUST MADE ONE MISTAKE.
400
00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:18,516
NO, IF YOU ONLY
COUNTED ONE,
401
00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:20,718
THEN YOU SHOULDN'T BE
TEACHING MATH.
402
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,086
YOU GOT A WAYS TO GO
403
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:24,789
BEFORE YOU'RE READY
TO RUN YOUR OWN CLASS.
404
00:15:24,791 --> 00:15:26,124
WELL...
[ GLASS THUDS ]
405
00:15:26,126 --> 00:15:27,959
...DOES THIS MEAN YOU'RE NOT
GONNA GIVE ME A RECOMMENDATION?
406
00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:30,228
I MEAN, COME ON.
CAROL, WE'RE FRIENDS.
407
00:15:30,230 --> 00:15:31,596
YOU SEE
WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE, CHUCK,
408
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:34,399
IS TWO GREAT PEOPLE
LETTING WORK INTERFERE
409
00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:35,967
WITH THEIR FRIENDSHIP.
410
00:15:35,969 --> 00:15:38,970
YEAH. IT'S SAD,
IS WHAT IT IS.
411
00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:41,105
I THINK I AM READY
TO RUN A CLASS
412
00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:42,907
AND MAYBE
YOU ARE JUST BOTHERED
413
00:15:42,909 --> 00:15:45,910
BECAUSE YOUR STUDENTS LIKE ME
MORE THAN YOU.
414
00:15:45,912 --> 00:15:47,779
[ CHUCKLES ]
OF COURSE THEY LIKE YOU MORE.
415
00:15:47,781 --> 00:15:48,780
YOU GIVE THEM
THE ANSWERS
416
00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:50,114
AND YOU LET THEM MAKE OUT
IN THE HALLS.
417
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:51,082
WHY DON'T YOU BUY THEM
SOME BEER?
418
00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:52,183
THEY'LL MAKE YOU
PROM QUEEN.
419
00:15:53,419 --> 00:15:54,485
YOU KNOW
WHAT WE NEED HERE?
420
00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:55,920
THE SOOTHING SOUNDS
OF JAMES TAYLOR.
421
00:15:55,922 --> 00:15:56,921
HOW ABOUT THAT CONCERT?
OKAY.
422
00:15:56,923 --> 00:15:57,922
[ CELLPHONE CHIMES ]
Carol: LET'S GO.
423
00:15:57,924 --> 00:16:00,124
[ SIGHS ]
424
00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:02,427
AW, MAN.
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
425
00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:03,928
MY GUARD SAW
SOMEBODY SUSPICIOUS
426
00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:05,563
IN YOUR STORE PARKING LOT.
I'M GONNA GO CHECK IT OUT.
427
00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:07,131
[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]
WHAT?
428
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:08,599
YOU'RE GONNA LEAVE ME
WITH THOSE TWO?
429
00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:11,169
WELL [SIGHS]
I SAID I WAS GONNA HANDLE IT,
430
00:16:11,171 --> 00:16:12,170
SO I'M HANDLING IT.
431
00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:13,237
I KNOW, BUT --
NO, NO, NO.
432
00:16:13,239 --> 00:16:15,006
YOU GO TO
THE JAMES TAYLOR CONCERT.
433
00:16:15,008 --> 00:16:16,307
ENJOY YOURSELF.
434
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,343
I ACTUALLY CAN'T DO
BOTH OF THOSE THINGS.
435
00:16:18,345 --> 00:16:19,477
[ SHOUTING CONTINUES ]
436
00:16:34,693 --> 00:16:37,395
[ BANGING ON WINDOW ]
WHAT THE...?!
437
00:16:40,532 --> 00:16:42,533
I DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE.
438
00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:44,335
THAT SHOULD BE
YOUR COMPANY MOTTO.
439
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:47,138
[ SIGHS ]
440
00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:48,339
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE,
MIKE?
441
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,341
I JUST STOPPED BY...
442
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:51,342
[ CAR DOOR CLOSES ]
443
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:52,777
...TO SEE
IF EVERYTHING WAS OKAY.
444
00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:55,346
[ SIGHS ] EVERYTHING'S FINE.
IT WAS A FALSE ALARM.
445
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:58,483
DECIDED TO RELIEVE MY GUY
FOR A FEW HOURS.
446
00:16:58,485 --> 00:17:01,853
LET HIM GO HOME
AND FEED HIS SEEING-EYE DOG?
447
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:04,455
MM.
HOW WAS JAMES TAYLOR?
448
00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:07,458
IT WAS A GREAT CONCERT, AND
I'M SORRY THAT YOU MISSED IT.
449
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:08,626
YOU KNOW, HE SANG
"YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND" AND...
450
00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:09,660
OH, GREAT SONG.
451
00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:11,062
...VANESSA AND CAROL
BURST INTO TEARS,
452
00:17:11,064 --> 00:17:12,296
STARTED
HUGGING EACH OTHER.
HMM.
453
00:17:12,298 --> 00:17:14,866
IT WAS --
IT WAS HARD TO WATCH.
454
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:16,667
THAT'S ALL IT TOOK
TO PATCH THINGS UP?
455
00:17:16,669 --> 00:17:20,471
WELL, A LITTLE CONTACT HIGH
FROM THE HIPPIES IN FRONT OF US.
456
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:24,042
THEY DECIDED THAT IT WAS A BAD
IDEA FOR THEM TO WORK TOGETHER.
457
00:17:24,044 --> 00:17:26,577
YOU KNOW, WOMEN JUST HAVE
A TOUGH TIME COMPARTMENTALIZING.
458
00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:28,813
YEAH...WELL, MAYBE
IT'S NOT JUST WOMEN.
459
00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:30,415
YOU KNOW,
I'VE BEEN HAVING A HARD TIME
460
00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:32,583
WORKING WITH
MY GOOD FRIEND...
461
00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:33,583
ED.
462
00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:39,057
AND, UH, WORKING WITH YOU HASN'T
BEEN ALL THAT EASY, EITHER.
463
00:17:39,059 --> 00:17:43,528
YEAH. YOU'RE RIGHT.
MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T DO THIS.
464
00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:45,163
WHAT?!
YOU'RE GONNA FIRE A BROTHER
465
00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:47,365
AFTER HE MISSED JAMES TAYLOR
FOR YOU?
466
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:49,734
NO, I'M NOT GONNA FIRE YOU.
I'M NOT A MONSTER.
467
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:51,803
LET'S JUST STOP
BEING FRIENDS.
468
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:56,574
OH,
THAT'S A BETTER IDEA.
469
00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:57,742
YEAH, WE'RE --
WE'RE STILL NEIGHBORS.
470
00:17:57,744 --> 00:17:59,577
YEAH, THAT'S MUCH BETTER.
OF COURSE.
YEAH, YEAH.
471
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,746
WE'LL STILL DO THINGS TOGETHER
WHEN THE WOMEN FORCE US TO.
472
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:04,615
YEAH. OKAY.
UM, JUST FOR THEIR SAKE.
473
00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:05,616
EXACTLY.
474
00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:07,118
AND I SUPPOSE
IT WOULD BE OKAY
475
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:08,753
IF YOU CAME OVER TOMORROW
AND WATCHED THE NUGGETS GAME.
476
00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:11,456
ALREADY ON THE BOOKS.
YEAH.
477
00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:13,458
OKAY, FROM NOW ON,
WE'RE JUST A COUPLE OF GUYS
478
00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:16,461
WHO WORK TOGETHER,
LIVE IN CLOSE PROXIMITY,
479
00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:20,231
AND, UM,
SOMETIMES DO STUFF TOGETHER.
480
00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:22,233
MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T TRY
TO LABEL IT.
481
00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:24,035
MM.
482
00:18:26,738 --> 00:18:30,141
HI, THERE. MIKE BAXTER HERE
FOR OUTDOOR MAN.
483
00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:32,577
YOU KNOW, A GROUP OF LIONS
IS CALLED A "PRIDE,"
484
00:18:32,579 --> 00:18:35,546
BUT IS A LION ACTUALLY PROUD?
IT HAS EVERY RIGHT TO BE.
485
00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:37,582
IT'S THE TOP
OF THE AFRICAN FOOD CHAIN.
486
00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:39,150
BUT WHEN A LION MAKES A KILL,
487
00:18:39,152 --> 00:18:41,152
DOES IT DO
AN OBNOXIOUS VICTORY DANCE
488
00:18:41,154 --> 00:18:43,955
AND THEN SPIKE THE ANTELOPE?
NO.
489
00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:46,157
LIONS KEEP IT CLASSY.
490
00:18:46,159 --> 00:18:48,559
THEY EAT, LICK THEIR PAWS,
DO A FEW CIRCLES,
491
00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:51,762
AND GO DO THEIR BUSINESS
IN THE TALL GRASS.
492
00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:54,565
NOW, THE ANCIENT GREEKS
HAD A WORD FOR SHOWBOATING.
493
00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:55,565
IT'S CALLED "HUBRIS."
494
00:18:55,567 --> 00:18:58,903
IT MEANS EXCESSIVE PRIDE
LEADING TO ONE'S OWN DOWNFALL.
495
00:18:58,905 --> 00:19:00,738
THE WORD IS SO ANCIENT,
IT COMES FROM WHEN
496
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:02,507
THE GREEKS ACTUALLY
HAD A LOT TO BE PROUD OF,
497
00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:05,610
BACK WHEN THEY CREATED
DEMOCRACY, THE OLYMPICS.
498
00:19:05,612 --> 00:19:10,681
NOW THEY LIGHT CHEESE ON FIRE
AND OWE THE GERMANS BILLIONS.
499
00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:14,118
HERE'S ANOTHER EXAMPLE
OF THE PRICE YOU PAY FOR HUBRIS.
500
00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:16,120
[ Chuckling ]
AND I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT
THE HANDSOME DUDE IN THE D-CUPS.
501
00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:17,989
I'M TALKING ABOUT
THE LITTLE VICTORY DANCE
502
00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:22,193
DOWN IN THE CORNER --
"ZUGGZ."
503
00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:23,427
THE DUMBASS TAGGERS
COULDN'T RESIST
504
00:19:23,429 --> 00:19:24,996
TAKING CREDIT
FOR THEIR HANDIWORK,
505
00:19:24,998 --> 00:19:27,431
WHICH ALLOWED OUR SECURITY GUY,
CHUCK LARABEE,
506
00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:29,000
TO TRACK DOWN
THESE MASTER CRIMINALS
507
00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:31,602
TO THEIR MOM'S BASEMENT
IN THORNTON.
508
00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:34,639
THOSE TWO ZUGGZ WILL BE SPENDING
THE REST OF THE EIGHTH GRADE
509
00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:36,641
PICKING UP TRASH ALONG I-25.
510
00:19:36,643 --> 00:19:37,641
WAVE AT THEM.
511
00:19:37,643 --> 00:19:39,443
AND LIKE THE LIONS,
THEY'LL PROBABLY HAVE TO
512
00:19:39,445 --> 00:19:43,514
DO THEIR BUSINESS...
IN THE TALL GRASS.
513
00:19:51,723 --> 00:19:54,725
OH, WASHING
YOUR CLOTHES, HUH?
514
00:19:54,727 --> 00:19:57,361
BETTER HOPE NONE OF
YOUR DESIGNER LABELS CAME OFF,
515
00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:59,697
OR YOU'RE HOLDING A BASKET
OF CHEAP CHINESE RAGS.
516
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:04,068
ACTUALLY, I'VE DONE LAUNDRY
FOR THE ENTIRE FAMILY,
517
00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:05,670
AND I WON'T BE TAKING
ANY CREDIT.
518
00:20:05,672 --> 00:20:09,340
I WILL, HOWEVER, BE TAKING
THE 85 CENTS THAT I FOUND.
519
00:20:09,342 --> 00:20:10,975
HEY, GIRLS.
520
00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:12,376
HI.
HEY, MOM.
521
00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:16,881
OH, WOW. EVIE, LOOK --
YOU DID ALL THE LAUNDRY, TOO?
522
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:18,749
[ CHUCKLES ]
523
00:20:18,751 --> 00:20:20,017
[ SIGHS ]
524
00:20:20,019 --> 00:20:22,853
THANKS, MOM, BUT I'M REALLY
NOT LOOKING FOR CREDIT.
525
00:20:22,855 --> 00:20:24,722
IT -- IT JUST
WOULDN'T BE RIGHT.
526
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,891
NO, IT WOULDN'T.
IT JUST WOULDN'T.
527
00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:27,892
[ CHUCKLES ]
528
00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:29,894
YEAH, BUT WE ALL KNOW
WHO DID IT --
529
00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:32,697
THE SAME ANGEL WHO CLEANED
THE WHOLE KITCHEN THE OTHER DAY.
YEAH.
530
00:20:32,699 --> 00:20:35,266
YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE NOT
ONLY YOUR DAD'S FAVORITE.
531
00:20:35,268 --> 00:20:36,901
WHAT I MEAN IS...
532
00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:38,502
you're also mine.
Yeah.
533
00:20:38,504 --> 00:20:40,004
[ SMOOCHES ]
534
00:20:40,006 --> 00:20:42,273
Got to work
on your whispering, Mom.
535
00:20:42,275 --> 00:20:45,109
OH. [ Chuckling ] SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
536
00:20:45,111 --> 00:20:46,344
OKAY.
[ SMOOCHES ]
537
00:20:46,346 --> 00:20:47,278
I really did.
538
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:49,080
Yeah. Okay. Bye.
539
00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:50,514
WOW.
540
00:20:50,516 --> 00:20:53,084
"MAIMONIDES" MUST BE
THE GREEK WORD FOR "SUCKER."
541
00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:54,885
HEH.
542
00:20:54,887 --> 00:20:56,187
OH, MY GOD.
543
00:20:56,189 --> 00:20:59,223
[ Chuckling ] YOU SHRUNK MOM'S
NEW JAMES TAYLOR SHIRT.
544
00:20:59,225 --> 00:21:02,360
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS IN THERE.
SHE LOVES THAT THING.
545
00:21:02,362 --> 00:21:03,794
YEAH,
SHE'S GONNA BE SO PISSED!
546
00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:05,396
YEAH...
547
00:21:05,398 --> 00:21:06,597
AT YOU!
548
00:21:09,067 --> 00:21:11,369
BUT I DIDN'T
DO THE LAUNDRY, SO --
549
00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:13,404
OH. OKAY.
GO TRY TELLING MOM THAT.
550
00:21:13,406 --> 00:21:15,406
YOU KNOW, THIS REMINDS ME
OF SOMETHING ELSE, ACTUALLY,
551
00:21:15,408 --> 00:21:17,408
THAT WE'RE STUDYING
IN PHILOSOPHY --
552
00:21:17,410 --> 00:21:18,643
UH, KARMA.
553
00:21:18,645 --> 00:21:23,381
AND APPARENTLY,
IT'S A BITCH.
554
00:21:25,417 --> 00:21:27,818
OH, MOM!
41851
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