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1
00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:33,200
DAD HUMS
Oh!
2
00:00:41,480 --> 00:00:43,520
ENGAGED TONE
How?!
3
00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:46,240
How is that possible?! Eh?
4
00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:48,080
I can't get through to the doctor's.
5
00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:50,560
Ha, I have already told you,
6
00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:53,880
there is absolutely nothing wrong
with me.
7
00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:57,400
It's Richard Pritchard
8
00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,600
calling on behalf of Ken Pritchard.
9
00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:01,320
I do not consent.
10
00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:03,920
Ignore that.
Where's my black pudding gone?
11
00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:06,960
Yeah, no, no, sorry, I'm still here,
12
00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:10,760
I was just wondering if Dr Roach had
any emergency appointments today?
13
00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:13,480
I don't suppose you'd know
the whereabouts
14
00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:15,880
of my black pudding, would you?
I binned it.
15
00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:17,360
It'd been in there for ages.
16
00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:20,800
Yeah, no, sorry, I'm here, I'm here.
Erm...
17
00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:23,520
Yeah, well, he was in pain through
the night
18
00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:25,640
and I'd just like a doctor to look
over him.
19
00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:29,120
Dad, it was the outside bin.
20
00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:31,560
No, you're not seriously...
21
00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:33,760
Sorry, no, I am still here.
22
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,080
How much of an emergency out of ten?
23
00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:38,720
And that's a medically recognised
scale, is it?
24
00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:41,600
It might be in here...
25
00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:43,960
Hey, hey, hey!
26
00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:46,120
Ho-ho! I'm going to say ten.
27
00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:02,800
Oh, look.
28
00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:04,240
And action.
29
00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:07,000
Oh, a film crew.
30
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:10,400
Oh, here, why don't you pop over
there
31
00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:12,000
and ask them for a job?
32
00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:15,440
Ask them for a job? Aye.
33
00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:17,040
You really don't have a clue,
do you?
34
00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:19,120
It's probably some
documentary or something.
35
00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:21,720
Is that not that
Lydia Bartlett there?
36
00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:25,800
Dad, Lydia Bartlett is not in
Forres.
37
00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:30,560
What is Lydia Bartlett
doing in Forres?
38
00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:32,920
She's actually a really
good actress, her.
39
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:35,320
Dad, she is a great actor.
40
00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:36,920
Hmm, well...
41
00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:38,840
..I like her films anyway.
42
00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:41,040
Well, you've clearly never seen
any of her theatre work.
43
00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:43,560
She's one of the main reasons
I became an actor.
44
00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:45,840
Oh, is that a fact? Oh.
45
00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:47,680
Are you coming in here, or what?
46
00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:50,120
I mean, you're the one that dragged
me here in the first place.
47
00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:51,760
Yeah, all right, Dad.
48
00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:02,720
Charlie?
49
00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:06,040
Charlie? Ha, I thought it was you.
50
00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:08,520
Is that the piles back again,
are they?
51
00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:14,320
Aye, they must be.
Poor sod, he can't even sit down.
52
00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,480
Yeah, the poor sod's got to put up
with you shouting out
53
00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:20,480
his medical conditions to the whole
waiting room.
54
00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:22,400
Shouting them out?
55
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:24,800
Listen, we've all got something
wrong with us
56
00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:26,560
if we're in here, haven't we?
57
00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:28,800
Apart from me, that is.
You're fine, are you?
58
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:31,720
I am indeed. I hear you farting when
you get up for a pee
59
00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:33,280
in the middle of the night.
60
00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:35,480
It's like someone standing
on a bag of ducks.
61
00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:36,920
It's not normal.
62
00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:40,440
Oh, well, thank you very much
for blurting that out.
63
00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:42,600
Ken? Would you like to come through?
64
00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:44,040
Oh.
65
00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:49,160
Well, he's had this pain in his jaw
for the last week,
66
00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:51,840
and now it's gone into his shoulder.
67
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:54,120
So, you've come to the professional,
hmm?
68
00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,720
All right, Ken, if you just unbutton
your shirt a little for me there.
69
00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:00,240
Right.
70
00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:04,160
See, that way I can place
the stethoscope
71
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:06,040
directly against the skin,
72
00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:09,120
not just through the clothes like
you do on Detective Manners.
73
00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:11,120
Oh, do I?
It's just common sense, really,
74
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,320
cos the clothes would
block the sound, so...
75
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:16,840
Oh, sorry, I didn't realise,
I just do what the script tells me.
76
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:19,040
Oh, what the script tells you?
77
00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:21,000
I see.
78
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,600
OK, we will take your blood pressure
next.
79
00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:26,160
Eh? Pop your sleeve all the way up
for me there.
80
00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:28,200
Yep. There you are.
81
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:30,160
Do you see where I'm placing this?
82
00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:32,640
Erm, yep. Directly in line with
the heart.
83
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:35,160
This position will yield the most
accurate results.
84
00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:39,600
I have witnessed your character
taking people's blood pressures
85
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:42,840
on occasion whilst the patient has
been lying on their side,
86
00:04:42,840 --> 00:04:44,680
and I'm sorry, but we just wouldn't
do that.
87
00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:47,240
Yeah, but it's just...
We wouldn't do that, though.
88
00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:49,240
But it was a TV show,
89
00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:51,240
and I was just doing what the script
told me...
90
00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:53,200
The script told you. Sure.
91
00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:56,560
Let me ask you, if the script told
you to jump off a bridge,
92
00:04:56,560 --> 00:05:00,400
would you do it? Well, if my
character had to jump off a bridge.
93
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,440
Right, well, another thing that you
do wrong is you never use
94
00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:04,800
a defibrillator on a patient whose
heart has already stopped.
95
00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:06,760
I feel like I really shouldn't
have to say this,
96
00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:09,680
but I am not a real doctor.
97
00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:14,480
Well, I was very convincing in our
local am-dram's production of Cats.
98
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,320
I'm not a cat.
99
00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:20,200
Actually, we're doing Seven Brides
For Seven Brothers next.
100
00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:22,480
Our group is on the lookout
for some new male members,
101
00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:24,160
if you would be interested.
102
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,240
Are you OK? You look ill.
BEEPING
103
00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:29,680
Oh.
104
00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:33,080
OK, that is a little higher
than I'd like.
105
00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:36,440
So, are you going to be doing that
other thing, the other test?
106
00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:38,440
Hmm? You know, the one that's...
107
00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:40,360
Hoo-hoo! Ha.
108
00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:41,920
You know, the... Ooh!
109
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,320
Dad, some words might help.
110
00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:46,880
Well, you know, the...
You know the...
111
00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:50,400
Hmm. Oh.
112
00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:56,080
Ooh, ooh. I-I think he means the
rectal exam,
113
00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:57,520
or at least I hope he does.
114
00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:59,640
I do, aye. Not today, Ken.
115
00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:02,040
What exactly do you mean by today?
116
00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:04,680
What I am going to do is send you
home with a stress monitor
117
00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:07,360
for a few days so we can keep an eye
on things.
118
00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:09,920
But how is everything else?
How are we mentally?
119
00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:12,400
Mentally? Well, well, just...
120
00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:16,960
A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H,
I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P,
121
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:20,120
Q, U... T, V, W, X, Y, Z.
122
00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:23,760
The alphabet?
123
00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:25,320
I'm not sure that proves anything.
124
00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:27,280
It proves he doesn't know it.
125
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:33,200
Hi, it's Richard Pritchard
for Sally Monteith.
126
00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:38,240
Well, she can't keep
ignoring my calls.
127
00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:40,120
Who's she in a meeting with now?
128
00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:42,080
Adam Woodyatt?
129
00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:46,160
What, I'm lower in the pecking order
than Ian Beale now?
130
00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:50,320
Oh, can you just tell her I'm on the
line, then she might take the call?
131
00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:52,800
Right, there's no need to laugh!
132
00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:54,840
HE SIGHS
133
00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:58,880
Dad! What, did you not want
a cup of tea?
134
00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:01,360
Oh, my phone! Oh, perfect!
135
00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:03,040
What if my agent calls back?
136
00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:05,440
I was going to ask her to find out
about the Lydia Bartlett project
137
00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:08,240
and see if she could get me onto it.
So, you didn't want a cup of tea?
138
00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:10,360
It's not about the tea,
you've broken my phone!
139
00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:13,400
Would you like a little
go of my stress monitor?
140
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:16,520
Because I'll tell you what,
it's driving me up the wall!
141
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,840
Right, just stop pulling at the
wires, you're going to break it.
142
00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:20,360
Ooh! Argh!
143
00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:22,640
BEEP
Oh! Is that the...?
144
00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:25,280
That's your fault! My fault?!
BEEP
145
00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:28,160
Right, what do we do if it keeps...?
BEEP
146
00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,000
It doesn't like your voice!
147
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,240
Oh! Oh, wow, that is priceless.
148
00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:35,040
What, I stress YOU out?
REPEATED BEEPS
149
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,880
Right, I'm calling Dr Roach.
150
00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:38,640
Argh!
151
00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:41,160
Where's the house phone?
RAPID BEEPING
152
00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:42,880
Right, just, er...
153
00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:45,120
Just stay calm. Where's the house
phone?!
154
00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:47,160
HORN TOOTS
155
00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:49,200
That's the taxi here, Dad,
for the hospital.
156
00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:50,640
Just stay calm.
157
00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:52,880
DR ROACH: That's exactly what
Dr Sparrow would say on your show,
158
00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:54,920
and as usual, it's wrong.
HORN TOOTS
159
00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:57,480
Don't give instructions on how
Ken should feel,
160
00:07:57,480 --> 00:07:59,160
just ask what you can do to help.
161
00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:00,960
No! Put it back.
162
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:03,120
HORN TOOTS
Yeah, all right, mate!
163
00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:05,640
If you can't keep calm, then how do
you expect your dad to?
164
00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:07,920
Yeah, all right, you're right.
165
00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:10,440
I'm sorry.
166
00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:13,680
Are you winding me up?! We're going
to the hospital, not the seaside!
167
00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:15,240
Yeah, but you don't know how long
168
00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:17,560
we're going to be waiting around
for. Would you please...?
169
00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:19,840
HORN TOOTS
Nice and calm.
170
00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:23,840
Put the bat and balls down.
171
00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:27,080
Richard, put me on speakerphone.
BEEP
172
00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:29,200
Everything is going to be OK, Ken.
173
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:31,400
This is just a precaution,
that's all.
174
00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:34,360
Now, I need you to get into the taxi
with Richard,
175
00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:36,760
and if he has any medical
suggestions for you on the way
176
00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:39,280
to completely ignore them.
177
00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:42,560
Thank you, doctor.
BEEP
178
00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:44,600
Come on, Dad, it's going to be fine.
179
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:51,720
HORN TOOTS
Why are you still beeping?!
180
00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:53,600
Me or the taxi?
181
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:05,200
I could sue this chicken under
the Trade Descriptions Act.
182
00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,120
Then don't eat it.
183
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:11,600
RICHIE CHUCKLES
184
00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:13,720
DAD CHUCKLES
185
00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:18,760
What's so funny?
186
00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:20,840
Oh, it's just this article,
it's Marina Hyde.
187
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:23,480
Is she a comedian, is she?
No, journalist.
188
00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,840
Read it out, then,
I love a good joke.
189
00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:30,200
It's not really a joke, it's more
a pithy observation.
190
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,040
I like them too.
191
00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:38,400
OK, the article is
about the decline in manufacturing,
192
00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:41,480
but she says that's not true,
because the political parties
193
00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:46,040
in this country are the best in the
world for manufacturing outrage.
194
00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:50,160
Oh, yeah.
195
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:53,760
Oh, well. Ah.
196
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:56,360
Have another wee go at this
chicken, where we were.
197
00:09:58,320 --> 00:09:59,880
Oh.
198
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:04,040
Ah! Oh, here, did I tell you?
199
00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:07,400
Kathleen Rutherford's son
had a wee girl.
200
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,440
She's called Pippa.
They're going to call her Pippa.
201
00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:12,280
8lb, 11oz. 8lb, 11oz.
202
00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:14,360
Thick black mop of hair.
203
00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:16,640
With a head of hair,
thick black mop.
204
00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:20,120
Do you see the point
I'm trying to make here?
205
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,720
Ah, I've told you that already,
have I?
206
00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:23,840
You chain tell it.
207
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,680
You barely put out the last one.
208
00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:32,560
Remind me about this EBCGD thing.
209
00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:35,480
ECG.
210
00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:37,560
That's the one, what is it?
211
00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:40,040
ECG, what is it?
212
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:43,720
"An electrical cardiogram is a
simple noninvasive test
213
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:47,160
"that records the electrical
activity of your heart."
214
00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:48,800
And why are they looking
at my heart for?
215
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:51,440
Well, they're looking at everything,
aren't they? I hope not.
216
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:54,520
Dad, you're not going to
get a rectal exam,
217
00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:56,240
at least I don't think you are.
218
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,120
Oh, thank you very much for that.
219
00:10:58,120 --> 00:10:59,920
I'm not pushing for it!
220
00:11:01,680 --> 00:11:03,960
Oh, is that better? Is that better?
221
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:06,760
Is that better? There we go.
Anything else you want?
222
00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:09,000
Hi, Emily, how you doing?
You all right?
223
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,160
Because, yeah, I mean he, like...
You know, he...
224
00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:13,400
I think he's fine, and then you'll
probably, you know...
225
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:15,120
But, I mean, I'm fine, so...
226
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:19,440
Do you want me to take you down
to the stroke unit while I'm here?
227
00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:21,240
This seems to happen quite a lot.
228
00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:23,520
Yeah! Yeah, sorry, erm...
229
00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:25,720
It does. It's funny, actually,
cos normally I wouldn't...
230
00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:28,200
You know, it's not something
I often...
231
00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,080
Erm... But, yeah, so don't...
232
00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:32,200
I-I don't know why I'm doing it
again.
233
00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:37,640
Oh, my God, it's true, they're
letting just about anyone
234
00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:39,400
in here these days.
235
00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:42,240
Who do I complain to? I've been in
here for an hour and a half
236
00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:45,040
and I haven't had a cup of tea yet.
Dad, that's not her job.
237
00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:47,440
Oh, Emily knows I'm only joking.
238
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:50,000
Here, would you like
a wee go at my chicken,
239
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,600
I've only had a couple of bites.
240
00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:53,200
She doesn't want your leftovers.
241
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,680
I know they don't pay you nurses
nearly enough.
242
00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:58,360
Dad! It's fine, I'll join you.
243
00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,600
Milk and two, right, Mr Pritch?
244
00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,240
Thank you, my darling.
245
00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:04,560
Anything for you?
No, I'm fine, thanks.
246
00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:10,360
You are a useless lump.
247
00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:13,800
What do you mean? Allow me to give
you a wee bit of fatherly advice.
248
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:16,320
If you let her slip through your
fingers,
249
00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:18,840
you're a bigger dafty than I
thought.
250
00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:21,200
She is a lovely looking girl,
251
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:24,600
and you look like you
won your face on a scratch card.
252
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:26,320
What are you saying, that...?
253
00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:29,200
Should I go and help her?
By Jove, I think he's got it.
254
00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:35,680
Scratch card? Just go!
255
00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:46,560
I'm really sorry to bother you,
but would you mind if I got a photo?
256
00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:48,880
Er, no, fine. Yeah.
257
00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:52,520
Thank you so much. My pleasure.
258
00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:55,960
My gran really fancies you, so this
is going to make her day.
259
00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:57,200
Ah.
260
00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:01,000
I really wish that hadn't happened.
261
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,880
Oh, I'm really glad it did. Mm.
262
00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:05,600
Does that happen a lot?
Mainly in Forres.
263
00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:07,600
But we're in Elgin.
264
00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:10,680
Oh, my God, you've gone
international now. Ah.
265
00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:13,080
Would you ever ask an actor for a
photo?
266
00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:15,880
You know, if it was...Tom Cruise?
267
00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:18,000
If Tom Cruise was in Forres?
268
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,960
Right. Yeah, it could happen.
269
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:21,400
Er, nah.
270
00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:25,000
I don't think I'd ask any actor
I really admired for a photo,
271
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:28,000
it's admitting you'll never be good
enough to work with them.
272
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,720
Just like a member of the public.
273
00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:31,920
Oh, God, yeah. Can you imagine?
274
00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:33,360
Scum, aren't they?
275
00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:37,360
What are you up to tonight? Nothing.
276
00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:39,200
Just... Well, erm...
277
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:41,000
Basically just be chilling.
278
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:44,840
OK, great. Erm, don't judge, but I
joined the local am-dram group
279
00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:48,160
last year, and I'd really love it
if you came tonight.
280
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,280
Thanks, but
Seven Brides For Seven Brothers
281
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:52,120
is really not my type of thing.
282
00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:55,440
Yeah, no, I'm not asking you to
audition, you muppet.
283
00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:57,840
No, we had this amazing
guest speaker lined up,
284
00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:00,080
everyone was really buzzing.
285
00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:01,720
It was Lydia Bartlett.
286
00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:03,720
Lydia Bartlett? Mm-hm.
287
00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:05,760
In the same room as Forres Fespians?
288
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:08,360
Yeah. Well, she's up here filming
Who Do You Think You Are?
289
00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:10,600
Oh, that's what she's doing. Mm-hm.
290
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,840
If she's got roots here,
I'm screwed.
291
00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:14,760
What, because you won't be the most
famous person
292
00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:16,720
in the village any more? No.
293
00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:20,200
Yes.
294
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:21,800
It's all I've got! Mm.
295
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:24,800
Well, anyway, she's just pulled out,
everyone's really bummed,
296
00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:28,160
so I was thinking maybe you
could step in.
297
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:29,920
Erm...
298
00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:34,480
You've always said amateur dramatics
is beneath you.
299
00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:38,080
No, I haven't. I mean, it is, but
it'd be different this time.
300
00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:40,400
I'd be there as a...
301
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:42,000
..as an expert.
302
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:44,320
Yeah, I'd be imparting wisdom.
303
00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:46,360
Maybe you could teach them all how
to drink their tea
304
00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:48,280
without making too much noise too.
305
00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:50,880
Oh, come on, Dad! I need this.
306
00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:53,240
I need to feel like an actor again.
307
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:54,800
I need to feel like I'm ...
308
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,080
Better than everybody else? Exactly.
309
00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:58,920
What? No.
310
00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:01,040
So, basically, Richard what
you're asking is
311
00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:04,400
if it's OK to leave me,
your poor old dad,
312
00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:08,120
lying here all alone in this
hospital bed
313
00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:11,640
while you pop off and have your
ego stroked?
314
00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:14,080
That's basically it, yeah.
315
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:17,320
Go on, away you go. Oh, you sure?
316
00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:20,440
I mean, you'll probably be
home by the time I'm done anyway.
317
00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:22,280
I've already said yes.
318
00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:23,800
OK, thank you.
319
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,320
Still yes.
320
00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:54,320
Hi.
321
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:57,400
Hello. Have you come for the talk?
322
00:15:57,400 --> 00:16:00,080
Er, yeah. Richard Pritchard.
323
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:02,360
Ken's son? Yes.
324
00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:04,520
But also...the actor.
325
00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:06,840
But Ken's son?
326
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:11,360
Yes, but I'm also... Oh, haven't
seen you since you were yea high.
327
00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:13,920
Is there maybe a green room
or a backstage area
328
00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:15,400
I could chill out for a bit?
329
00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:18,400
I wasn't sure if you wanted to keep
my appearance under wraps.
330
00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:21,800
Well, erm...
331
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:23,680
..there's the kitchenette.
332
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:29,200
Yeah, it's fine, I'll probably just
greet people as they come in.
333
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:32,600
Oh.
334
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:42,560
DOOR OPENS
335
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:45,880
Hi, there, hi. If you wouldn't mind
just filling up from the front,
336
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,000
that would be...that'd be amazing.
337
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:51,160
You know, just to save the old
voice.
338
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:53,800
Hi, Richard. Hi. Hi, Richard.
339
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:56,120
Hi. John, nice to meet you. Richard.
340
00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:58,960
Oh, don't worry, I've got
one for you. Hi, Richard.
341
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:02,520
Oh, such a pleasure to be here.
342
00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:04,000
Erm...
343
00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:08,440
Hello, everyone!
344
00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:10,560
I think that's everyone.
345
00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:12,920
Oh, here's Emily.
346
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:14,520
Come in, dear.
347
00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:17,480
I was just about to do
the introduction.
348
00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:19,320
Welcome, all.
349
00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:21,760
Er... Welcome.
350
00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:26,680
As we all know, occasionally
we get very lucky with our timing
351
00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:32,280
and happen to have a meeting
when an actor of incredible calibre
352
00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:37,680
is in town, and tonight is
one of those lucky nights.
353
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:41,320
We are huge fans of this
person's work.
354
00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:43,520
Thank you, thank you.
355
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:47,160
That's so kind,
and it's such a pleasure to be here,
356
00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:49,360
but honestly,
I do get a bit embarrassed
357
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:52,560
when people are gushing on, so I'm
happy to take it from here.
358
00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:55,400
But... So, what I was thinking,
359
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:57,800
I might start off by saying
a few words
360
00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:02,120
and then just open it up
to questions.
361
00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:04,800
Er, erm...
362
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:07,000
What is an actor?
363
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,480
I am, I'm an actor.
364
00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:12,840
Erm, but...
365
00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:15,200
..I wasn't always.
366
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:18,560
Before, I was just like you...
367
00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:20,840
Er, you're still here.
368
00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:23,880
Just to finish my speech,
if I could!
369
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:26,480
OK, OK, yeah, no, of course.
370
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,800
I'll try not to blush too much
this time.
371
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:30,240
Yes.
372
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:32,280
So, where was I?
373
00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:38,480
Oh, yes. We are such a huge
fan of this person's work...
374
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:42,280
Again, thank you. ..and I think we
were all devastated
375
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:45,520
when we thought that she could
no longer be with us,
376
00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:50,920
but she has graciously changed her
plans to be here tonight.
377
00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:54,200
Please welcome to the stage...
378
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,760
Lydia Bartlett!
379
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:59,000
WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE
380
00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:02,520
Mwah. Lovely.
381
00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:06,280
Good luck... Er, break a leg.
Richard.
382
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,160
Hello, Forres.
SHE CHUCKLES
383
00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:13,160
How lovely to be here with you all
tonight.
384
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:19,240
So, the thing about improvisation...
385
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:21,120
..is you should never fear it.
386
00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:25,000
If you fully and truly inhabit
your character,
387
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:28,000
if you think like them,
then you will act like then.
388
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,440
I always think you should know what
your character had for breakfast.
389
00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:34,160
You see, I don't agree with that.
No, me neither.
390
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,720
Right, well, let's give it a go,
shall we?
391
00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:38,760
Can I have a volunteer
from the floor?
392
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:40,880
Over here. Oh. Over here! Not her.
393
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:43,800
Pick me, pick me!
Yes, er, Richard, was it?
394
00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,680
Pritchard. Pritchard?
Pritchard, yes, come on up.
395
00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:50,400
I actually have an unfair advantage,
I'm a professional actor.
396
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:53,160
Oh, well, I'll...I'll pick
somebody else, then.
397
00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:55,840
No, no, no, no, I don't mind if
they don't mind. Do you guys mind?
398
00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:57,600
They don't mind.
399
00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:00,000
Great. Well, as you're a
professional,
400
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,280
we'll take off the stabilisers!
Ha-ha!
401
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:03,840
Come on up.
402
00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:06,120
You've trained in improvisation,
have you?
403
00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:07,640
No, but, erm...
404
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:11,680
..I did a great ad-lib on an episode
of Detective Manners,
405
00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:14,600
a show I was in. Erm...
No, I don't know it.
406
00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:17,280
Er, well, they...they cut it.
407
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:20,960
Erm, in fact, they cut the whole
scene, actually.
408
00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:24,360
Medically speaking,
they should cut them all.
409
00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:25,960
Don't listen to her.
410
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:29,200
OK, then. Well, we'll play
to your strengths. Nice and easy.
411
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:32,080
Yeah. You play the doctor,
I'm the patient,
412
00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:35,040
and remember to inhabit
the character.
413
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:36,760
Yes, doctor.
414
00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:38,600
Erm... Oh, no, I'm the doctor.
415
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:40,480
Yeah, you're the doctor,
I'm the patient. Mm.
416
00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:43,240
Do you need me to go over it
one more time? No, no, I'm fine.
417
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:45,320
Right, well, into character,
418
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:47,200
and then, in your own time.
419
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:50,440
TOGETHER: What seems to be the
problem? I need to see a doctor
420
00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:52,480
right now. I'm so sorry,
that's my bad,
421
00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:54,920
cos I think maybe you should
have clarified
422
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,920
who's going to speak first.
Do you want to start?
423
00:20:56,920 --> 00:20:58,640
No, no, it doesn't matter.
424
00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:00,560
You just go with it.
425
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:03,240
In real life, people speak
over each other all the time.
426
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:05,040
Yeah, sorry. It's OK.
427
00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:08,120
Don't worry about it.
You're a pro, you've got this.
428
00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:11,240
I'm just a bit nervous,
you're Lydia Bartlett.
429
00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:12,840
Yes, I know I am.
430
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:15,520
Right, let's try again.
431
00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:21,840
I'm... Actually, can I...can I not
be the doctor?
432
00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:25,200
It's just that I've played
a doctor for the last ten years.
433
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,960
Terribly. Will you stop?!
434
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:31,160
It'd just be nice to try something
different, you know?
435
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:33,640
Not get type cast.
What would you suggest?
436
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:37,080
Oh, I can do anything, you know?
I could go, like, super dark,
437
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:39,520
like I'm a pimp
and you're a prostitute.
438
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:41,560
Why would you do that?
You're a national treasure.
439
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:44,360
Erm, I don't know, maybe, erm...
440
00:21:44,360 --> 00:21:46,960
..you're a drug dealer
and I'm a cop?
441
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:49,000
Great, let's do that. Great.
442
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:52,240
So, into character,
and then, in your own time.
443
00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:54,000
What kind of drugs?
444
00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:55,960
We'll discover that during
the scene. Hmm.
445
00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:00,080
Good luck. I'm fine.
446
00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:05,280
Do you want to start?
It doesn't matter, OK?
447
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:08,800
Yeah, OK. Here we go.
448
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:10,840
Here it comes.
449
00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:12,280
Right, I'll get it this...
450
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:18,000
Oi! You're getting arrested for
dealing drugs.
451
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:19,480
Drugs? No, officer...
452
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:22,840
..this is just a normal bakery.
453
00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:29,240
You can...you can take it anywhere.
454
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:31,560
Yeah, I'm sorry. Just in my mind,
we're on a street corner.
455
00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:35,080
Why? Because I'm undercover and
you've sold me drugs.
456
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:37,040
Well, don't tell me that.
457
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:38,480
No, no, but in the end...
458
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:41,480
Look, well, we don't know what the
end is, this is improv.
459
00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:44,200
Let's just...just go back into it.
460
00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:48,840
OK, I'll cut you the same deal as I
made for Chief Inspector Daniels.
461
00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:51,120
His price was 10%,
462
00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:54,480
but you, you look more like a 2%
kind of guy.
463
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:57,720
We got a deal?
464
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:04,640
HE SIGHS
465
00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:13,960
Er...
466
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:15,440
Anything?
467
00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:20,120
Er...
468
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:31,440
Mm-hm.
469
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:34,360
OK, erm...
470
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:39,880
Big fat round of applause, everyone,
for Pritchard.
471
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:41,920
SMATTERING OF APPLAUSE
472
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:47,320
You...you can go and sit down now.
473
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:06,720
You all right?
474
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:08,320
I've been better.
475
00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:14,360
At least she'll always remember
the time she met Richard Pritchard.
476
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:18,720
Yeah, so she got back in touch to
say that she could make it
477
00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:20,680
after all. Mm.
478
00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:24,320
I mean, I did try to call you.
I must have left you 100 messages.
479
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:26,000
Yeah, my phone's broken.
480
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:27,840
Oh!
481
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:29,640
Never meet your heroes, eh?
482
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:31,240
I'm sorry.
483
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:34,480
Oh, come on, how about I buy you
a pint?
484
00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:36,520
I don't think I'd be much
company tonight.
485
00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:38,280
Oh, nice to meet you, Richard.
486
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:40,440
Oh, I'm sorry I called you
a prostitute.
487
00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:43,160
Oh, ha-ha. I've had worse!
488
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:45,240
Can I ask you a quick question?
489
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:48,680
Yeah, but... You're here doing
Who Do You Think You Are?
490
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:50,120
Are you from Forres?
491
00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:52,880
No, no, as it turns out,
there are no blood ties here.
492
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:55,440
Oh, thank God. Phew.
493
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:57,840
Not that we wouldn't want you.
494
00:24:57,840 --> 00:25:01,120
Erm, do you mind if we get a quick
photo?
495
00:25:01,120 --> 00:25:03,480
Well, actually, I-I am in a bit of
a rush now.
496
00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:04,920
Oh.
497
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:07,400
OK, yep, sure.
498
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:09,640
Do you mind taking it? Are you sure?
Yeah.
499
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,600
Here. OK? Yep.
SHUTTER SNAPS
500
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:19,360
Thank you, my dad is such a big fan.
501
00:25:19,360 --> 00:25:22,080
Your dad, but not you?
No, no, no, no, I am too,
502
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:24,200
it's just that he's in...
503
00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:27,440
..hospital.
504
00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:29,920
Er, hate to kick a man when he's
down,
505
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:33,040
but your eyes are closed
in this one. Oh, ah.
506
00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:34,680
Of course they are.
507
00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:45,160
Oh, sorry I took so long.
508
00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:47,800
Ah, yeah, yeah, how was it?
509
00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:52,000
It was the single worst experience
of my life.
510
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:54,160
Well, as long as you had fun, son.
511
00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:56,200
DAD CHUCKLES
512
00:25:58,360 --> 00:26:01,240
Everything OK? Well, ha...
513
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:04,560
Apparently, I had a wee bit of a
heart attack the other night.
514
00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:09,720
What? Aye, apparently that was the
pain in my shoulder and my jaw.
515
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:12,240
So the EPD... ECG.
516
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:15,000
Aye, exactly. Well, it wasn't great,
517
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,520
so they took me down and they've
X-rayed me,
518
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:21,040
and apparently I've got four blocked
arteries!
519
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:24,880
How many are you supposed to have,
do you know?
520
00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:29,160
Erm, no blocked arteries at all,
I'm guessing?
521
00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:31,360
Aye, well, that kind of makes sense.
522
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:34,240
So what's next?
523
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:37,040
Well, they're going to keep me
in overnight,
524
00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:40,920
and tomorrow they're going to
give me a heart bypass.
525
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:43,240
What?! No, you're not...
526
00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:45,640
Aye, aye, it's fine, it's fine.
I spoke to the chap,
527
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:48,280
the doctor who's going to do it,
he says he does it all the time,
528
00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:51,720
he says...he says, "I could do it
with my eyes closed."
529
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:54,080
Oh, he said that?
530
00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:55,840
No, he didn't say that,
531
00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:58,160
but I was kind of reading
between the lines, you know?
532
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:00,200
DAD SNIFFLES
533
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:02,480
Anyway...
534
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:05,760
..will you nip out and get me some
crisps or something?
535
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:11,040
Because, well, the buggers want me
to fast from midnight.
536
00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:13,400
I'll get you a banana.
537
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:15,320
Ah.
538
00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:17,160
OK, a banana.
539
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:21,680
Richard?
540
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:27,640
Am I going to be OK?
541
00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:31,160
Yeah...
542
00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:33,680
..of course you are.
543
00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:35,520
I'll be right back, OK?
544
00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:40,360
Aye, OK.
545
00:27:58,120 --> 00:28:00,160
BEEPING
546
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:09,160
Did I tell you...
547
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:11,720
..Kathleen Rutherford's son had
a wee girl?
548
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:17,040
No, you didn't.
549
00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:20,520
They're going to call her Pippa. Ha!
550
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:22,960
8lb 11oz.
551
00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:24,960
And what a head of hair...
552
00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:26,720
Actually, you did tell me.
553
00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:28,520
Oh.
554
00:28:28,570 --> 00:28:33,120
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