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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,040 --> 00:00:03,920 Agapanthus1234? No? 2 00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:07,280 Erm, Crysanthemum654? 3 00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:10,920 Ah. Right, OK, erm... 4 00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:14,200 ..try Azalea981. 5 00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:16,280 They are all plant-based, yeah. 6 00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:20,040 DAD: Suspicious activity? What a load of bloody nonsense! 7 00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:22,840 Well, he read an article saying you should have a different password 8 00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:24,920 for every login. 9 00:00:24,920 --> 00:00:26,960 I'm still hoping to bump into the author of that one. 10 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:29,080 Locking a pensioner out of his own account! 11 00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:31,360 I mean, they ought to be ashamed of themselves! 12 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:32,800 Yes, that is him you can hear. 13 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:35,320 ..you could walk into the bank and they would remember who you were... 14 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:37,400 Oh, your dad's the same age? 15 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:39,680 Yeah, yeah, it is a difficult age, yeah. 16 00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:43,920 Could we crack on? Now we have to do it all through a bloody screen! 17 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:47,800 No, it's not that, I do want to hear about your dad, 18 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:50,520 it's just that I've been on hold for two hours before I got through. 19 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:52,520 No, please don't cut me off. Erm... 20 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:55,160 Yep, two seconds, two seconds, I'll just ask him. 21 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:58,200 Dad, what's the name of your childhood pet? 22 00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:01,400 Eh? Childhood pet, it's your security question. 23 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:03,840 I didn't have a childhood pet. 24 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:05,520 Then why is it your security question? 25 00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:10,000 Because, Richard, if I don't know the answer to that question, 26 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:13,120 no-one else is going to know the answer to that question, 27 00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:16,200 so no-one is going to get into my account. 28 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:18,680 Including you. 29 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:20,440 Admittedly, yes. 30 00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:24,080 We don't know. 31 00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:25,800 Yep. 32 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:32,560 Yeah, yeah, OK, it's kenpritchard11111@googlemail.com. 33 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:34,040 Yeah, I know. 34 00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:35,520 All lower case. 35 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:41,480 OK, thanks, could you just stay on the line until that comes through? 36 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:44,280 Hello? 37 00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:48,920 She's going to send through a verification link to your email. 38 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:50,360 Oh. 39 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:52,720 Good. What's the password for your email? 40 00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:55,440 The...? 41 00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:59,880 The password... 42 00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:01,680 ..for your email. 43 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:14,040 HOLD MUSIC PLAYING 44 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:16,080 AUTOMATED RECORDING: You're through to the Albion Bank, 45 00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:18,440 your wait time is currently estimated at 46 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:22,120 three hours and 34 minutes... OK, you ready? 47 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:25,280 Yeah, erm, why are we doing this again? 48 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:27,960 Clear house, clear mind. 49 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:30,280 Let's get rid of all the crap around here. 50 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:33,400 Or as my generation might call it - memories. 51 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:35,040 I was listening to Radio 4 the other day... 52 00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:37,480 Oh, I might have known Radio bloody 4 was behind this. 53 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:40,520 ..the stats on old people tripping up on useless bits of junk 54 00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:42,880 in their home are frankly terrifying. 55 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:47,480 The only bit of useless junk that I might trip over in here is you. 56 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:49,680 What was wrong with staying at Emily's, eh? 57 00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:51,160 I mean, it's lying there empty. 58 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:52,680 She's trying to sell the place, Dad. 59 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:55,200 Out-of-work actors drying their socks in the spare room 60 00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:56,640 puts off potential buyers. 61 00:02:56,640 --> 00:02:58,800 Probably heard that on Radio 4 as well, did you? 62 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:02,720 Uh. Why have you not separated all the "keep" and "dump" stuff 63 00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:05,040 like I asked? I have! 64 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:06,800 This is what I'm keeping. 65 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:09,800 But that's all of it. No, no, no, no, no, it's not all of it. 66 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:12,640 I'm throwing this out. ..please stay on the line... 67 00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:14,480 Actually, do you know what? I'm keeping it. 68 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:17,080 We're starting again. Oh, no! 69 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:19,000 Yep. 70 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:21,720 You're not honestly holding on to Percy? 71 00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:24,320 Yes, I am! 72 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:26,440 This is Percy's house too. 73 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:29,920 Delia Smith's Complete Cookery Course. 74 00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:31,760 Yes, I'm working my way through that. 75 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:35,400 Christmas lights that don't work. 76 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:38,160 Yes, but they just need fixed. 77 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:40,000 Jane McDonald wall calendar? 78 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:42,320 I've no idea how that got in there. 79 00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:45,240 Oh, we can throw that out. No, don't be too hasty. 80 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:49,480 I'm going to learn that. 81 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:53,560 I mean, look at you, it's like hoarder's Buckaroo, 82 00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:55,600 one more useless item and you'll tip. 83 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:57,480 Can you not meet me halfway? 84 00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:00,360 Ah. 85 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:01,920 What have we got now? 86 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:06,320 Ah, now... 87 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:09,400 ..I-I didn't buy that because of you. 88 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:11,680 I'm your only child. 89 00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:13,920 DOORBELL RINGS I'll get that. 90 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:23,960 Mr Oddjob at your service, where we always say there's no job too odd. 91 00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:25,720 Eh? 92 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:30,800 Mr Oddjob at your service, where we always say there's no job too odd. 93 00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:32,560 Can you not read the sign? 94 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:35,680 Er, no, you rang about a job needing done. 95 00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:38,000 Who did? It's Ken Pritchard? 96 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:39,720 Ah, I'm Ken Pritchard! 97 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:42,280 Ah, well, there you go, I'm in the right place. 98 00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:45,520 Are you...are you Avril's boy, Lewis? 99 00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:48,760 No, I'm Mr Oddjob. You booked me. 100 00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:50,640 Wait, I'll just give Avril a wee call. 101 00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:52,320 I don't know an Avril. 102 00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:55,480 Ach, you must say, you're the absolute spit of her boy. 103 00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:57,800 Er, what's his name again? 104 00:04:57,800 --> 00:04:59,480 Lewis. So you are him? 105 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:04,280 No, it's just that's what you said his name was. 106 00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:06,440 Shall we maybe just start again? 107 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,680 Right. What's your name? 108 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:17,960 I'm sorry about that, son, I remember booking you now, 109 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:20,120 I just can't remember what for. 110 00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:26,560 Er, don't mention this to my son, eh? 111 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,280 He's always on about me and my memory. 112 00:05:29,280 --> 00:05:31,360 Already forgotten. 113 00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:33,400 What is? What you said. 114 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,720 What did I say? 115 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:39,520 What I'll do is I'll just take a look around the place 116 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:42,000 and make a list of anything needing fixed, 117 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:44,120 hopefully that jogs your memory. 118 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:45,640 Yes, aye. 119 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:47,840 You doing a bit of spring cleaning, are you? 120 00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:49,280 My son's idea. 121 00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:52,400 Yeah, I had to clear out my old man's place the other day. 122 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:54,480 We had to put him in a home. 123 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:56,480 A nursing home? Well, yeah. 124 00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:59,360 Even though you're nearby? 125 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:02,720 Dad? This was in the camcorder, 126 00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:04,160 any idea what's on it? 127 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:07,320 Richard. Richard Pritchard. 128 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:08,960 Craig. 129 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:10,920 I thought you were in London now? 130 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:14,040 Er, yeah, I was, but now I'm back. 131 00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:16,920 Right. 132 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:18,360 Right. 133 00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:24,240 All right? 134 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:26,480 Yes, no, all good here. 135 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:29,600 And, er, what is it you're doing here? 136 00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:33,480 LAUGHING: He was always a joker, this one, eh?! 137 00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:35,040 Are you on in this too? 138 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:37,560 Can't remember why you booked me? 139 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:40,280 Classic! I love a prank! 140 00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:42,360 Where are the cameras? . 141 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:45,040 I didn't even know we'd booked you, so definitely not a prank. 142 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:48,160 Oh, good, because if it was, I'd just smash the place up, 143 00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:50,800 then I'd have to come back every day to fix it! 144 00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:52,880 HE LAUGHS 145 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:56,360 I've left my raisins in the van, 146 00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:58,600 so I'm going to go and get them now. 147 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:06,120 We used to give him raisins at school, 148 00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:07,720 it was the only thing that calmed him down. 149 00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:10,360 You know he got expelled for throwing Mr York in a bin? 150 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:12,080 Eh? What kind of bin? 151 00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:14,240 I think you're missing the point, Dad, the man's nuts. 152 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:16,840 I'll tell you what he is, he's ๏ฟฝ6 an hour, that's what he is. 153 00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:18,480 Exactly, nuts! 154 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,240 Did you see the way he stared at me out there? 155 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,040 I spent the whole of school trying to avoid him 156 00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:23,520 and now I seem to have pissed him off. 157 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:25,720 This is actually caught on something. 158 00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:28,160 What am I meant to do, hide from him in my own house? 159 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:31,320 ..stay on the line, we know you... Your own house? 160 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:32,800 What? 161 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:34,840 DOORBELL RINGS 162 00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:45,080 Digsy. All right, Richie? 163 00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:46,520 Fancy seeing you here. 164 00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:49,400 Here, do you know Craig Bellows is parked outside your house? 165 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:52,000 Er, yeah. Absolute nutter, that guy, eh? 166 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:54,160 Uh-huh. What are you doing here? 167 00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:55,880 I'm just delivering this for your dad. 168 00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:58,320 Oh, are you a courier now? I am, yeah. 169 00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:00,000 Where's your van? Oh, I'm just on foot, like, 170 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,480 help save the planet and that. What about your other parcels? 171 00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:05,120 Oh, I just do one house at a time, like. Oh. 172 00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:06,640 Were you nicking it? I was, yeah. 173 00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:08,640 Thought you might be. Didn't realise it was your house, 174 00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:10,920 saw the van pull away and instinct took over, you know? 175 00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:13,880 Sure. Right, well, I'll just get a quick photo of the parcel. 176 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:16,520 You remember you're just pretending to be a courier? 177 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:17,960 I am, yeah! 178 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:21,120 See you later, Richie. Digsy? 179 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:25,600 Take care, mate. Take care. 180 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:38,160 SLAMMING Would you close?! 181 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:41,200 Why do you never close?! 182 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:42,640 Argh! 183 00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:44,680 DOGS BARKING 184 00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:49,400 HE BREATHES DEEPLY 185 00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:52,040 Mm. 186 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:57,960 Please stay on the line. We know you're waiting... 187 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:01,040 HE WHISTLES 188 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:09,200 HOLD MUSIC PLAYING 189 00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:17,640 BEEPING 190 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:24,560 Sally, hi. Well, hello, you. 191 00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:26,640 Hi. Well, do I have some news. 192 00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:28,920 Really? Do you? Indeed I do. 193 00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:31,680 Oh. How do you feel about six months in the south of France 194 00:09:31,680 --> 00:09:34,120 in a film starring a certain Benedict Cumberbatch? 195 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:36,320 SALLY LAUGHS 196 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:38,720 I'd feel very good! 197 00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:40,520 Yeah, well, they loved your audition. 198 00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:43,040 Hold on a minute, I haven't done an audition for a film 199 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,480 with Benedict Cumberbatch. 200 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:46,560 What? Yes, yeah, no, you did. 201 00:09:46,560 --> 00:09:48,240 I think I would have remembered. 202 00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:50,800 It was last week, Robert. 203 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:52,680 This is Richard. 204 00:09:52,680 --> 00:09:54,120 Ah. 205 00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:56,320 Pritchard! Yes, I see what I've done. 206 00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:58,760 OK, good to check in anyway, erm... 207 00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:01,280 Richard. Yep, was going to say that, yeah. 208 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:03,480 OK... No, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 209 00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:06,120 Have any offers come in for me? I wouldn't have thought so, no. 210 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:07,720 Could you check? 211 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:10,040 No, nothing's come in. 212 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:11,760 Did you check? 213 00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:13,680 Yes, well, we'll keep in touch. LINE BEEPS 214 00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:15,120 Hello? 215 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:24,920 Why are the blinds shut? 216 00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:27,560 So as I can get the full benefit of the head torch. 217 00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,080 Why don't you just turn the light on? 218 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:33,000 Because then, Richard, the head torch would be redundant. 219 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,040 Yeah, that's...that's kind of my point. 220 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:36,640 There's a parcel for you. 221 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:39,120 No, no, no, no, no, that's not for me, 222 00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:41,840 that's for you. Eh? Aye. 223 00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:46,200 Please stay on the line. We know you're waiting 224 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:48,160 and your call is very important to us... 225 00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:50,400 You're very, very welcome. 226 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:54,840 Am I? Well, you've not been getting a lot of acting work recently, 227 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:57,880 have you? And everybody needs an accountant, don't they? 228 00:10:57,880 --> 00:10:59,560 Even people in Forres. 229 00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:03,200 You could get yourself a wee office on the high street and everything. 230 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,200 Oh, even a stupid child like me? 231 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:07,520 You're not honestly suggesting I train to be an accountant? 232 00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:08,960 Regular work, Richard. 233 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:10,560 I've got a job, thanks. 234 00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:12,800 Well you better give them a ring, they'll be wondering 235 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:14,520 where you've been for the past six weeks. 236 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:16,800 A fallow period is part of every actor's life, Dad, 237 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:18,520 we all go through it. 238 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:20,680 I can't believe you think this is the solution. 239 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,440 I'm only trying to help, Richard. 240 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:25,440 Well, you haven't. Acting is all I've got, yeah? 241 00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:28,080 It's what I love and it's what I've chosen to do with my life, 242 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:29,880 so I'd like you to respect that. 243 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:33,320 We're talking about respecting choices now, are we? 244 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:37,080 Well, respectfully, maybe you can help me get all my things 245 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:39,320 back into the spare room, 246 00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:42,160 or would that scupper your grand plan? 247 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:43,800 My what? 248 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,680 You think I don't know what you're up to, boy? 249 00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:47,400 I don't think I know what I'm up to. 250 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,840 GLASS SMASHING Argh! Argh. 251 00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:00,840 DOOR SQUEAKS 252 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:04,840 You all right there, mate? 253 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:11,800 Er, I was checking the radiators and I knocked out one of the boxes. 254 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:13,600 That's OK. 255 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,320 It's a lie, Craig. 256 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,160 I smashed it on purpose. 257 00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:19,800 That's OK. 258 00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:21,680 It's the old class photo. Ah. 259 00:12:21,680 --> 00:12:24,080 Sit down. Actually, I'm just working with my dad. 260 00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:25,760 Sit down now. Yeah. 261 00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:29,240 Actually, I fancy a little sit down. 262 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:31,920 Please stay on the line. We know you're waiting 263 00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:34,120 and your call is very important to us. 264 00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:38,120 There's you. Yeah, yep. 265 00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:39,560 There's me. 266 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,200 There's Emily Gibson. 267 00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:45,520 Oh, there's Zach French. 268 00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:48,640 Do you remember him? What a character! 269 00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:50,320 Emily there. 270 00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:55,360 Mm-hm. Does she still live across the road? 271 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:57,800 Er, no... 272 00:12:57,800 --> 00:12:59,640 No, not...not for ages. 273 00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:01,680 You still in touch? 274 00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:04,560 Er, with, er... 275 00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:07,680 ..with Emily? Erm... 276 00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:10,600 Ah, I wouldn't have thought so. 277 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:14,440 Yeah, I got over everything that happened between us, by the way. 278 00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:17,320 I'm thriving now. Sorry, what happened between us? 279 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:20,720 You know, seeing you today, I'm finding it very hard 280 00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:22,640 to forgive you, Richard. 281 00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:25,160 I've tried many times. 282 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:27,720 Did a course in anger management and everything. 283 00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:31,960 It showed me that meeting life's problems with rage 284 00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:34,080 is counterproductive. Well, good for you. 285 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,240 I'm not finished. Yep. 286 00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:39,800 It helped me to let go of the resentment 287 00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:42,440 that I'd carried for such a long time. 288 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:45,160 That's where Mr Oddjob comes in, you see? 289 00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:47,840 Mr Oddjob is happy. 290 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:50,640 Mr Oddjob gets up in the morning with purpose. 291 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,240 Mr Oddjob helps people. 292 00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:54,600 Mr Oddjob keeps the demons at bay. 293 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,520 You should get that on the side of your van. 294 00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:02,880 You know, I am trying very hard, Richard, 295 00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:07,680 to be a bit more Mr Oddjob and a bit less Craig right now. 296 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,120 Mm-hm. 297 00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:11,000 You ruined my life. 298 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:12,520 Did I? 299 00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:18,040 Where's your bin? Why? 300 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:21,520 I've finished my raisins. Ha-ha. 301 00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:25,360 I can get them for you. 302 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:40,840 HOLD MUSIC PLAYING 303 00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:46,680 Has someone stuck you on rewind? 304 00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:48,440 We've literally just cleared that drawer. 305 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:50,560 Interesting use of the word "we". 306 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:54,760 I'm just going to check the wiring in the main bedroom, 307 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:56,800 if that's all right? Oh, that's all right, son. 308 00:14:56,800 --> 00:15:00,000 You carry on, aye. I'll get Richard to bring you a wee cup of tea. 309 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:03,440 What? Great. Er, six sugars and two sweeteners. 310 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:04,880 Ooh. 311 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:11,320 Thanks for that. 312 00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:13,680 Where's the sweeteners? The sweeteners that you said 313 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,320 were bad for me? 314 00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:17,600 The sweeteners that you said you should throw in the bin? 315 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:19,840 Yes. Under the sink. Thank you. 316 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:23,240 Please stay on the line. Your call is very important to us. 317 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:35,440 Unbelievable. 318 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:37,960 Hm. 319 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:41,240 Knock, knock. 320 00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:44,680 Here's your tea, six sugars, two sweeteners. 321 00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:50,560 Um... 322 00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:54,880 It's a bit sweet. Sorry. Erm... 323 00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:58,240 ..Craig, mate. I'm not your mate. 324 00:15:58,240 --> 00:15:59,840 Just Craig, then. 325 00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:04,160 I just want to say, we all did stuff we regret at school. 326 00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:06,040 Like when you wore make-up? 327 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:08,760 That wasn't make-up, that was cover-up for my acne. 328 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:11,120 Oh. What did you cover it up with? 329 00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:13,480 With make-up. Fair point, OK. 330 00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:17,120 Look, I just want to say, whatever I did to upset you, 331 00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:21,600 it would have been completely by accident, 332 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:24,560 so I just want to say, 333 00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:27,280 I'm sorry. 334 00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:30,200 Do you remember the third-year school play? 335 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:31,960 It was Romeo and Juliet, wasn't it? 336 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:35,120 Did you know that I auditioned for the part of Romeo? 337 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:37,600 Er, I-I did not know that. 338 00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:39,360 And you got the part. 339 00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:42,960 Oh, yeah, yeah, so I did. 340 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,400 I only wanted it because Emily was playing Juliet. 341 00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:48,640 Is this about Emily? Everything is about Emily. 342 00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:51,160 I was in love with her. I just thought if I could be her man 343 00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:53,280 on stage... 344 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:56,040 ..maybe she would want me to be her man off stage too. 345 00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:57,600 You know... 346 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,520 You know what the worst thing was? 347 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:02,440 You were really good. 348 00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:05,960 Oh! Oh, thank you! 349 00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:08,560 Er, yeah, I... 350 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:10,760 I mean, I was pleased with what I did. 351 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:13,000 I mean, I've always said if you don't put the work in, 352 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,920 but in terms of my own process... 353 00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:19,560 I don't care what my process is, 354 00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:21,680 I've always said that. 355 00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:23,480 Erm... 356 00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:25,280 I didn't realise you were in the audience. 357 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:28,720 I was outside watching through the window, 358 00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:30,840 in the rain... 359 00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:34,160 ..and sometimes not in the rain, if it wasn't raining. 360 00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:36,440 Sure. Watching you hold her... 361 00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:41,280 ..and kiss her. 362 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:45,520 Argh, this tea is too sweet! 363 00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:47,800 Well, you did ask for... It should have been me! 364 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:51,440 Mm. You getting that part was my Sliding Doors moment, 365 00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:53,040 you know, the film with Gwyneth Paltrow? 366 00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:55,360 Er, yeah, yeah, I've seen it. It's my favourite film. 367 00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:57,200 It's your favourite film? Aye. 368 00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:58,840 No, me too. 369 00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:01,200 Yes, yes, of course. 370 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:03,240 Aye, yeah. 371 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:06,320 Well, thank...thank you for calling me back, Avril. 372 00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:08,320 I've got eyes on my Lewis, 373 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:10,840 can you just confirm that you've got eyes on your Lewis? 374 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,320 That's great, OK. 375 00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:17,040 Yes, thank you. 376 00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:20,080 Yeah, cheery bye, cheery bye just now. 377 00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:21,720 Well, that's cleared that up. 378 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:24,000 You're not Avril's boy after all. 379 00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:34,240 Please stay on the line. Your call is very important to us. 380 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:36,600 I'm paying ๏ฟฝ6 an hour for this. 381 00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:38,640 PHONE RINGING 382 00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:42,320 Oh, that's my phone. It's in there, it's in that one. 383 00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:44,480 In this one? In that one. You mean this one? 384 00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:48,400 Ah, so it is, so it is. There it is, I've got it, I've got it. 385 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:51,560 Hello, Ken Pritchard, Forres. 386 00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:55,680 Oh, ha, we've actually been trying to get through to you. 387 00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:57,120 It's the bank. 388 00:18:57,120 --> 00:19:00,440 I'm on hold to the bank. Er, well I'll you exactly 389 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:03,640 what the problem is. The problem is I can't get into my account. 390 00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:06,520 Ah. All right, yes, hold on. 391 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:09,120 My account number is 3204... 392 00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:11,240 No, wait. ..22... Wait, Dad. 393 00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:14,680 ..01. Dad! I didn't even realise I was with Regal Banking. 394 00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:16,360 Dad, no, give me the phone. 395 00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:18,160 No, I will not give you the phone. Give me the phone. 396 00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:19,960 I'm not giving you the phone, Richard, it's my phone. 397 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,120 Hang up on them. Just give me... I'm not giving you the phone. 398 00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:23,560 Just give me...! 399 00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:25,000 Argh, argh! 400 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:28,960 Argh, argh! 401 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,920 Stop behaving like a child! 402 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:33,320 Give me the phone! It's my phone! 403 00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:35,520 Give me the phone, it's a scam! 404 00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:37,440 Everything is a scam with you! 405 00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:39,040 Just listen to me. 406 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:41,160 You're with the Albion Bank. Why would the Regal Bank 407 00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:42,840 be calling you anyway? 408 00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:45,560 Oh... Huh? 409 00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:48,400 Right. 410 00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:53,440 Well, you get him back in here to do the... 411 00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:54,960 ..something with the... 412 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:56,800 whatever it is he's here to do, right?! 413 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:02,520 Please stay on the line. Your call is very important to us. 414 00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:07,800 PHONE RINGING 415 00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:14,280 You've got to eat, Dad. 416 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:17,880 Well, it's not poisoned. 417 00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:20,640 Well, because the chef used to work for Gordon Ramsay. 418 00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,080 Er, look, I've got to go, Dad. 419 00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:25,800 I'll speak to you tonight. 420 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:28,600 Right. Right. 421 00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:31,080 Dads, hey? What are they like? 422 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:34,680 Please stay on the line. Your call is very important to us. 423 00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:38,400 I just put mine into a nursing home last week. 424 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:42,200 Sunny Acre, cost an arm and a leg, but he hates it. 425 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:45,840 It's got a gym, a cinema, it's even got a spa. 426 00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:48,080 I spent all the money from my mum's inheritance 427 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,840 so that he could have somewhere he'd like, 428 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:51,720 but he doesn't care. 429 00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:54,960 At the end of the day, nursing home is just a nursing home to him. 430 00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:56,920 Yeah, I've got it here, Sunny Acre. 431 00:20:56,920 --> 00:20:58,840 Oh, yeah, that looks good. 432 00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:01,960 You know... 433 00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:05,160 ..I always thought not getting Romeo was the moment 434 00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:07,000 that my life took this path. 435 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:10,040 Like, if I'd gotten it, I could have been somebody else. 436 00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:14,320 Could have been you. You don't want to be me, Craig. 437 00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:16,280 Honestly, I'm out of work, 438 00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:18,960 in Forres living with my dad. 439 00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:22,400 If I'd known how you felt, I would have stepped aside, 440 00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:24,720 you would have been a good Romeo. 441 00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:27,920 You know, slightly different energy perhaps, 442 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:29,640 but, erm... 443 00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:32,320 I mean, there's nothing wrong with that. 444 00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:34,920 And with Emily, nothing... 445 00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:36,880 ..nothing was going...was going on. 446 00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:38,320 I was too shy.... 447 00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:39,800 Too shy to do what? 448 00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:42,880 No, no, no nothing, that was a new sentence. 449 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:45,120 Also, I was... 450 00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:46,560 ..I was too shy. 451 00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:51,800 So you're saying that you never fancied Emily back? 452 00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:54,400 What do you mean back? Well, she fancied you. 453 00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:57,600 Overheard her telling Mandy Miller in maths one day. 454 00:21:57,600 --> 00:21:59,680 What did she say?! Like, word for word? 455 00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:01,240 Ah, so you do fancy her? 456 00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:03,920 Ah, actually I don't care what she said, who cares what SHE says? 457 00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:07,320 Pfft, not me. Are you sure you don't see her any more? 458 00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:09,520 Definitely not. 459 00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:12,880 Please stay on the line. Your call is very important to us. 460 00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:14,640 Erm... 461 00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:17,560 ..Craig, maybe...maybe we should, er... 462 00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:19,440 ..just get back inside, you know? 463 00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:21,640 This...this hold music is shit. 464 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:23,680 Leave it! HOLD MUSIC PLAYING 465 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:27,480 You all right there? 466 00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:30,040 That song always used to make me think of Emily. 467 00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:37,200 D-Do you know what you need to do? 468 00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:39,080 You need to...you need to bring it... 469 00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:41,480 You need to bring it in. You need to bring it in, come on. 470 00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:43,280 Just give me two minutes and I'll show you the house. 471 00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:45,520 Yeah, be nice actually. Sure. 472 00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:47,640 Sure, yeah, you let it out. HE SOBS 473 00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:52,000 Yes, thanks, I think it's all out. 474 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:54,280 No, it's not. Yeah, it is. No there's more, there's more! 475 00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:55,720 Get off! 476 00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:58,520 Sorry, what's happening? 477 00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:03,080 Emily. 478 00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:07,240 I can explain. 479 00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:08,840 I couldn't explain. Hold still. 480 00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:11,000 Sure. Ah! HOLD RECORDING: ..your call is very important to us. 481 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:12,840 Why was he so angry anyway? 482 00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:14,280 I don't know. 483 00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:16,000 He's a nutter. 484 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,680 You remember him from school. Yeah, I guess. 485 00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:20,120 Pfft! Ah! 486 00:23:20,120 --> 00:23:22,880 Oh, don't be such a baby, it's just TCP. 487 00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:26,480 Do you still speak to Mandy Miller? 488 00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:28,240 Mandy Miller? 489 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:30,480 God, I've not seen her in years, what made you think of her? 490 00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:34,720 Mm. Here, that's the best I could find. 491 00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:36,920 Oh, that's, er... 492 00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:39,800 ..perfect. Why don't you wrap it round his mouth? 493 00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:43,800 You two OK? Ask him. 494 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:46,320 He's just confiscated my phone! 495 00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:48,680 Confiscated? It's for his own good. 496 00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:50,240 Ah, that's it there! 497 00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:51,640 No, that's mine. Just... 498 00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:53,840 Is it? Well, it looks exactly like mine. 499 00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:55,600 No, Dad. Put it down, I'm serious. What have I...? 500 00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:59,680 What have I done here? Dad, I'm on hold to the bank, put it down! 501 00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:01,440 I knew it! What? 502 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:04,280 A nursing home. Oh, Richard! 503 00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:06,440 He's not nearly old enough to go into a home. 504 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:08,720 Right, you... Just calm down, right? Listen to me. 505 00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:10,840 I'm not listening to you any more, boy! 506 00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:13,960 I'm too old to decide what possessions I have in my own house, 507 00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:15,400 I'm old for a phone. 508 00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:18,160 I know what your game is, you're going to tear me down 509 00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:21,520 piece by piece until I've got no fight left. 510 00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:24,920 Well, I will not go gentle 511 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:28,040 into that long good night, believe you me. 512 00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:30,600 Dad! I don't want to put you into a home, 513 00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:32,440 all I want to do is get the house sorted 514 00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:33,960 so I don't worry about you when I leave! 515 00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:36,280 I also don't want you scammed out of everything you've worked for 516 00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:39,320 your entire life, that's it! 517 00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:41,600 And there's no way I could afford that place. 518 00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:44,320 Sorry, are we going to view this house at some point today? 519 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:47,400 Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry. I completely forgot you were there. 520 00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:49,320 Yes, yes, let's do that. Ah! 521 00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:52,000 Thanks for waiting. 522 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:53,640 Just remember to ice it. 523 00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:55,480 Yeah, thank you! For ... 524 00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:57,520 DOOR CLOSES ..everything. 525 00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:03,080 Are we good? Yeah. 526 00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:07,240 Dad, you know I'd never force you to do anything you didn't want to. 527 00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:10,360 As long as I'm around, you'll be here. 528 00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:13,000 I promise. 529 00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:15,440 You didn't tell me it had a swimming pool! 530 00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:17,600 Make your mind up, yeah? 531 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,480 OK, so these are for the dump. 532 00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:25,640 Right. These are for keeps. 533 00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:29,560 Can I have my phone back now? Fine, but just remember what I said. 534 00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:31,680 Oh, yes, yes, yes. 535 00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:33,160 Oh! Mm. 536 00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:37,040 Right, ready for a little trip down memory lane? 537 00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:38,800 Oh, you managed to fix it, then? 538 00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:42,280 Yeah, I'm not as useless as you think. 539 00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:45,840 Is this the school nativity? Yeah. 540 00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:47,920 MUM: Ken, have you got it working yet? 541 00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:49,920 Richard's got the opening speech bit. 542 00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:52,200 Eh? RICHIE CHUCKLES 543 00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:54,040 It's nice to hear Mum's voice again. 544 00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:55,600 Eh? 545 00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:58,680 You know, we better have a think about 546 00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:00,520 where we're going to scatter her at some point. 547 00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:02,880 Oh, there's plenty of time for that. 548 00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:05,480 APPLAUSE 549 00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:07,240 Quick, that's it starting now. 550 00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:10,480 Don't worry, Jean, we just press this button and we are recording. 551 00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:14,280 RICHIE CHUCKLES 552 00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:15,880 The intention was there. 553 00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:17,560 Yeah, I know. 554 00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:20,840 Oh, look. 555 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:22,720 Oh, your mother must have done that. 556 00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:25,680 Hmm. 557 00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:28,080 Cup of tea? Yeah, that'll be nice. 558 00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:38,520 Please stay on the line. Your... 559 00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:40,560 LINE RINGS 560 00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:43,400 Hello, thank you for holding. You're through to Siobhan at Albion Bank. 561 00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:45,080 How can I help you today? 562 00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:48,200 Siobhan at the Albion Bank, is it, eh? 563 00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:50,840 Well, I'll tell you, you can go away and chase yourself! 564 00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:54,160 Trying to rob pensioners? My son's told me about creeps like you... 565 00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:56,040 Dad! Don't you be calling this number back, you hear me! 566 00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:58,640 Dad, wait! Nah, nah, nah, nah! Ha-ha-ha! 567 00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:00,560 Ha-ha-ha... 568 00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:02,560 What did you think of that? 569 00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:04,680 Ha-ha! Ooh! 570 00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:08,760 You're through to the Albion Bank, 571 00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:11,120 your wait time is currently estimated at 572 00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:13,040 three hours and 47 minutes. 573 00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:15,440 Oh, snowdrop... What about snowdrop? 574 00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:18,400 Snowdrop682, maybe could be that, could it? 575 00:27:18,450 --> 00:27:23,000 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 42846

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