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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:37,458 --> 00:00:41,958 -[ Blowing raspberries ] 2 00:00:47,083 --> 00:00:49,625 [ Chuckles and blows raspberry ] 3 00:00:49,625 --> 00:00:51,750 [ Instrumental "O Christmas Tree" plays ] 4 00:00:51,750 --> 00:00:57,000 ♪♪ 5 00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:58,875 -Hey, Shelly. 6 00:00:58,875 --> 00:01:01,375 I got this thing you sent me. 7 00:01:01,375 --> 00:01:03,458 It's pretty good. 8 00:01:03,458 --> 00:01:07,375 It tastes like cinnamon or almonds. 9 00:01:07,375 --> 00:01:09,083 One of the five. 10 00:01:09,083 --> 00:01:10,500 [ Crunches ] 11 00:01:10,500 --> 00:01:13,833 So, what you doing over there? 12 00:01:13,833 --> 00:01:17,333 Standing around with your butt between your legs? 13 00:01:17,333 --> 00:01:20,250 Shelly's in Los Angeles. 14 00:01:20,250 --> 00:01:22,500 City of Angels. 15 00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:25,250 That's far away. 16 00:01:25,250 --> 00:01:28,750 Dad says it's a shithole. 17 00:01:28,750 --> 00:01:31,958 [ John Driskell Hopkins & The Joe Gransden Big Band's "Jolly Old Saint Nicholas" plays ] 18 00:01:31,958 --> 00:01:37,208 ♪♪ 19 00:01:37,208 --> 00:01:42,500 ♪♪ 20 00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:45,625 -♪ Jolly old Saint Nicholas ♪ 21 00:01:45,625 --> 00:01:48,958 ♪ Lean your ear this way ♪ 22 00:01:48,958 --> 00:01:52,250 ♪ Don't you tell a single soul ♪ 23 00:01:52,250 --> 00:01:54,125 ♪ What I'm going to say ♪ 24 00:01:54,125 --> 00:01:55,750 -I'd love to, but I'm running late. 25 00:01:55,750 --> 00:01:58,750 -♪ Christmas Eve is coming soon ♪ 26 00:01:58,750 --> 00:02:01,333 ♪ Now, you dear old man ♪ 27 00:02:01,333 --> 00:02:02,875 -Come on. 28 00:02:02,875 --> 00:02:04,500 -♪ Whisper what you'll bring to me ♪ 29 00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:08,333 -You're strong, beautiful goddesses. 30 00:02:08,333 --> 00:02:12,375 This is effortless. Remember to breathe. 31 00:02:12,375 --> 00:02:15,333 -♪ When I'm fast asleep ♪ 32 00:02:15,333 --> 00:02:18,500 ♪ Down the chimney broad and black ♪ 33 00:02:18,500 --> 00:02:20,625 ♪ With your pack you'll creep ♪ -You look different. 34 00:02:20,625 --> 00:02:23,208 -Oh, girl, I got my eyelids Botoxed. 35 00:02:23,208 --> 00:02:25,750 -I knew it. You look so good. -Thank you. 36 00:02:25,750 --> 00:02:29,250 I no longer have peripheral vision. 37 00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:30,958 -Give your cat a natural diet 38 00:02:30,958 --> 00:02:34,000 like it would have in the wild. [ Chuckles ] 39 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:35,375 Give your cat a natural diet. 40 00:02:35,458 --> 00:02:37,083 Give your cat a natural diet 41 00:02:37,083 --> 00:02:39,000 like it would have in the wild. 42 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:43,208 Try our all-beef perfect bl-- perfect blend. 43 00:02:43,208 --> 00:02:46,375 Give your cat a natural diet like it would have in the wild. 44 00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:49,375 Try our all-beef "purrfect" blend. 45 00:02:49,375 --> 00:02:52,125 -That was honestly beautiful. 46 00:02:52,125 --> 00:02:54,833 -You really think a cat could take down a cow in the wild? 47 00:02:54,833 --> 00:02:57,833 -We'll let you know. -Hey. 48 00:02:57,833 --> 00:02:59,625 Did I see you the other night at the Comedy Factory 49 00:02:59,625 --> 00:03:01,083 doing, like, improv skits? 50 00:03:01,083 --> 00:03:02,208 -Yeah, that was me. 51 00:03:02,208 --> 00:03:04,458 -You're really funny. 52 00:03:04,458 --> 00:03:08,125 You should think about doing that for a living. 53 00:03:08,125 --> 00:03:09,125 -Thanks. 54 00:03:09,125 --> 00:03:11,125 I'll consider that. 55 00:03:11,125 --> 00:03:14,333 ♪♪ 56 00:03:14,333 --> 00:03:17,250 -Can I get an Impossible Whopper with, uh, 57 00:03:17,250 --> 00:03:19,833 no cheese and no mayo? 58 00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:23,000 Sorry. My window doesn't work. 59 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:27,375 ♪♪ 60 00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:28,708 Hey, guys. Welcome to the show. 61 00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:30,625 We are Rock, Paper, Laughter. 62 00:03:30,625 --> 00:03:32,208 Happy holidays. 63 00:03:32,208 --> 00:03:34,458 -What ever happened to Merry Christmas, 64 00:03:34,458 --> 00:03:36,625 you harlot? 65 00:03:36,625 --> 00:03:38,583 -Oh, it-- it's still a thing, sir. 66 00:03:38,583 --> 00:03:40,750 This is just a way for us to... 67 00:03:40,750 --> 00:03:42,625 You know what? Never mind. 68 00:03:42,625 --> 00:03:44,083 Who's heard of improv? 69 00:03:44,083 --> 00:03:46,500 [ Microphone feedback screeches ] 70 00:03:46,500 --> 00:03:47,750 Fantastic. 71 00:03:47,750 --> 00:03:50,583 -♪ Becky wants a picture book ♪ 72 00:03:50,583 --> 00:03:53,833 ♪ Yellow, blue, and red ♪ 73 00:03:53,833 --> 00:03:57,083 ♪ Now I think I'll leave to you ♪ 74 00:03:57,083 --> 00:04:00,500 ♪ What you give the rest ♪ 75 00:04:00,500 --> 00:04:03,708 ♪ Choose for me, dear Santa Claus ♪ 76 00:04:03,708 --> 00:04:09,583 ♪ You will know ♪ 77 00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:13,958 ♪ The best ♪ 78 00:04:13,958 --> 00:04:16,333 -Oh, my God. It's been a hell of a day. 79 00:04:16,333 --> 00:04:18,250 I've got one for the board, though. 80 00:04:18,250 --> 00:04:21,875 -Let me hear it. -Okay. It's a good one. 81 00:04:21,875 --> 00:04:25,375 "Elaine, 45, beaten down by life. 82 00:04:25,375 --> 00:04:29,208 Not attractive, but not ugly, just plain. 83 00:04:29,208 --> 00:04:31,125 She is quick to anger, 84 00:04:31,125 --> 00:04:33,250 definitely not athletic. 85 00:04:33,250 --> 00:04:34,875 -That is so perfect for you. 86 00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:38,125 -Oh, my God. Thank you. -Mm-hmm. 87 00:04:38,125 --> 00:04:40,875 -Oh, God, I hate auditioning. 88 00:04:40,875 --> 00:04:43,375 I just want to do live shows, you know? 89 00:04:43,375 --> 00:04:44,708 Well, how was yours? 90 00:04:44,708 --> 00:04:46,833 -Well, I got bumped... -Ugh, 91 00:04:46,833 --> 00:04:49,333 -...uh, for a guy who dresses up like a hot dog 92 00:04:49,333 --> 00:04:50,875 and then does a hot three minutes 93 00:04:50,875 --> 00:04:53,458 about whether a hot dog is a sandwich or not. 94 00:04:53,458 --> 00:04:54,958 -What? -Oh, and then Mr. Corduroy 95 00:04:54,958 --> 00:04:56,250 with the husky from Tinder. 96 00:04:56,250 --> 00:04:57,708 We were supposed to meet tonight. 97 00:04:57,708 --> 00:04:59,000 Of course he ghosted. -So you just stayed home 98 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:00,458 watching murder shows? -Obviously. 99 00:05:00,458 --> 00:05:01,833 I cannot wait to get out of this town 100 00:05:01,833 --> 00:05:04,500 and see my folks and just... 101 00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:06,000 Shit, hon. I'm sorry. 102 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:08,125 -Dude, just 'cause my family sucks 103 00:05:08,125 --> 00:05:09,750 doesn't mean you can't enjoy yours. 104 00:05:09,750 --> 00:05:11,708 I was actually thinking about it today, 105 00:05:11,708 --> 00:05:13,833 and I realized that the one and only thing 106 00:05:13,833 --> 00:05:15,250 that we can all agree on 107 00:05:15,250 --> 00:05:16,958 is that Toto is the best band of all time. 108 00:05:16,958 --> 00:05:18,375 -Weren't they, like, one-hit wonders? 109 00:05:18,375 --> 00:05:21,083 -What? No. -[ Laughs ] 110 00:05:21,083 --> 00:05:23,208 Sorry. 111 00:05:23,208 --> 00:05:25,375 I've -- I've obviously offended you. 112 00:05:25,375 --> 00:05:26,958 -Mm. It's okay. -You know, we're turning 113 00:05:26,958 --> 00:05:28,250 into the craziest kind of roommates, right? 114 00:05:28,250 --> 00:05:29,583 -Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? 115 00:05:29,583 --> 00:05:31,083 In just a few short years, 116 00:05:31,083 --> 00:05:33,375 we'll be firmly in "Golden Girls" territory, 117 00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:36,500 and then all I gotta worry about is nights out at the Lions Club 118 00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:38,708 and dating widowers. 119 00:05:38,708 --> 00:05:41,208 -Dude, I would murder to bang a widower right now. 120 00:05:41,208 --> 00:05:43,125 -[ Laughs ] Gross. 121 00:05:43,125 --> 00:05:44,625 Well, there are young widowers. 122 00:05:44,625 --> 00:05:46,375 -That's true. -But you want an old one. 123 00:05:46,375 --> 00:05:47,875 -I want an old one, like, brittle 124 00:05:47,875 --> 00:05:49,500 and, like, easily influenced. 125 00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:51,333 [ Both laugh ] 126 00:05:51,333 --> 00:05:53,083 I cut the crusts off his sandwich. 127 00:05:53,083 --> 00:05:55,125 -[ Laughing ] Gross. 128 00:05:55,125 --> 00:05:57,500 [ Instrumental "O Christmas Tree" plays ] 129 00:05:57,500 --> 00:06:03,250 ♪♪ 130 00:06:03,250 --> 00:06:09,000 ♪♪ 131 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,250 [ Cellphone chimes ] 132 00:06:13,333 --> 00:06:15,375 Ugh. 133 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,250 Fuck. -Hey, Shell! 134 00:06:17,250 --> 00:06:19,708 We never seem to be on the same schedule these days. 135 00:06:19,708 --> 00:06:21,500 I miss my sis. 136 00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:23,125 Miss da sista. [ Laughs ] 137 00:06:23,125 --> 00:06:26,083 Anyway, look, I know it's been a few years 138 00:06:26,083 --> 00:06:27,750 since you came home for Christmas and everything, 139 00:06:27,750 --> 00:06:29,833 and so I figured you're probably not planning 140 00:06:29,833 --> 00:06:31,833 on coming this year either, but... 141 00:06:31,833 --> 00:06:35,875 -Here we go. Manipulation in three, two... 142 00:06:35,875 --> 00:06:41,083 -Well, Dad had a fall, and he's not doing good. 143 00:06:41,083 --> 00:06:44,708 I really need your help. 144 00:06:44,708 --> 00:06:46,625 Anyways, the real reason I'm calling 145 00:06:46,625 --> 00:06:48,375 is 'cause I finished my screenplay 146 00:06:48,375 --> 00:06:49,750 and it's already in your inbox. 147 00:06:49,750 --> 00:06:51,833 It's seriously so good. 148 00:06:51,833 --> 00:06:55,833 Oh, and I'm super into thinking about my brand right now. 149 00:06:55,833 --> 00:06:57,250 Would you describe me as 150 00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,958 "The Crow" meets "Legally Blonde"? 151 00:06:58,958 --> 00:07:01,250 -What about Dad? You want to get back to that? 152 00:07:01,250 --> 00:07:02,958 -Things here are crazy. 153 00:07:02,958 --> 00:07:04,375 We also need to talk about Mark. 154 00:07:04,375 --> 00:07:06,208 Who's gonna take care of him? 155 00:07:06,208 --> 00:07:09,875 So either come home for a visit or call me. 156 00:07:09,875 --> 00:07:13,250 Also, most importantly, don't forget to read my screenplay. 157 00:07:16,583 --> 00:07:17,875 -Fuck. 158 00:07:17,875 --> 00:07:20,500 [ Up-tempo music plays ] 159 00:07:20,500 --> 00:07:24,708 ♪♪ 160 00:07:24,708 --> 00:07:28,000 -♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way ♪ 161 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:31,375 ♪ Oh, what a time to have some fun riding on the sleigh ♪ 162 00:07:31,375 --> 00:07:34,750 -Welcome to Atlanta, where the local time is 9:17 a.m. 163 00:07:34,750 --> 00:07:36,958 Thank you for flying with us. -♪ Dancing down a snowy path ♪ 164 00:07:36,958 --> 00:07:38,458 ♪ And singing all the way ♪ 165 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,250 ♪ The snow's coming down ♪ 166 00:07:40,250 --> 00:07:44,833 ♪ It brightens the spirit with fun being had all around ♪ 167 00:07:44,833 --> 00:07:49,875 ♪ The sparkling sound of bells when you hear it brings joy ♪ 168 00:07:49,875 --> 00:07:53,625 -Five. -♪ Oh, jingle bells ♪ 169 00:07:53,625 --> 00:07:56,750 -Five more sleeps until Christmas. 170 00:07:56,750 --> 00:07:57,750 -♪ Come along, we'll have some fun ♪ 171 00:07:57,750 --> 00:07:59,500 ♪ Riding on a sleigh ♪ 172 00:07:59,500 --> 00:08:03,000 ♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way ♪ 173 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:05,375 ♪ Oh, what fun, oh, what fun, oh, what fun ♪ 174 00:08:05,375 --> 00:08:08,958 ♪ On Christmas Day ♪ 175 00:08:08,958 --> 00:08:10,500 [ Cellphone vibrating ] 176 00:08:10,500 --> 00:08:12,958 ♪ Oh, what fun we'll have Christmas Day ♪ 177 00:08:12,958 --> 00:08:14,125 -[ Mutters indistinctly ] 178 00:08:14,125 --> 00:08:15,250 [ Cellphone beeps ] Yes, Phil? 179 00:08:15,250 --> 00:08:16,750 -Michelle! 180 00:08:16,750 --> 00:08:18,500 Did I just see you on Rodeo Drive? 181 00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:20,125 -No, Phil, I'm in Atlanta right now. 182 00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:22,000 -The Peach State. I love it. 183 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,875 Hey, do you have, like, a reel of funny characters? 184 00:08:24,875 --> 00:08:27,000 -That's, like, the only thing I have. 185 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:31,250 -Great, because, uh, "SNL" is looking 186 00:08:31,250 --> 00:08:33,833 for a new cast member in a hurry. 187 00:08:33,833 --> 00:08:36,500 They are desperate and they're looking for women. 188 00:08:36,500 --> 00:08:38,375 And, you know, both those things -- 189 00:08:38,375 --> 00:08:39,708 very much in your favor. 190 00:08:39,708 --> 00:08:41,333 -"Saturday Night Live"? Holy shit. 191 00:08:41,333 --> 00:08:43,250 -I don't know if they're looking for, like, fat funny 192 00:08:43,250 --> 00:08:45,750 or like, you know, skinny sexy funny. 193 00:08:45,750 --> 00:08:47,375 But, hey, either way, 194 00:08:47,375 --> 00:08:50,500 great time to be a woman in comedy. [ Laughs ] 195 00:08:50,500 --> 00:08:52,500 -Okay, uh...cool. 196 00:08:52,500 --> 00:08:54,750 -So, um, things will move pretty fast. 197 00:08:54,750 --> 00:08:57,083 Uh, we have to stay in constant communication. 198 00:08:57,083 --> 00:08:59,958 Get me that reel of you doing funny characters. 199 00:08:59,958 --> 00:09:02,000 All right? And -- And please, 200 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,500 very funny. -You got it. 201 00:09:03,500 --> 00:09:05,250 Oh, oh, wait, one more thing, Phil. 202 00:09:05,250 --> 00:09:08,333 Uh... [ Cellphone beeps ] 203 00:09:08,333 --> 00:09:09,875 Uh, that's my sister, but it's fine. 204 00:09:09,875 --> 00:09:11,750 I'll just call her back. -Uh, call me back after. 205 00:09:11,750 --> 00:09:13,625 I promise I'll pick up. -Are you sure, Phil? 206 00:09:13,625 --> 00:09:15,958 'Cause for a guy whose job it is to answer the phone, 207 00:09:15,958 --> 00:09:17,625 like, you never do that. 208 00:09:17,625 --> 00:09:19,250 -No, that's not true. Look, I'll prove it. 209 00:09:19,250 --> 00:09:21,583 I will pick up immediately. It won't even ring. 210 00:09:21,583 --> 00:09:24,125 -Okay, thanks. 211 00:09:24,125 --> 00:09:25,500 This couldn't wait? 212 00:09:25,500 --> 00:09:27,000 I'm like a block away from the house. 213 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,875 Is everything okay with Dad? -Oh, yeah. 214 00:09:28,875 --> 00:09:31,083 He's just stockpiling canned goods in his shed. 215 00:09:31,083 --> 00:09:33,833 -How exactly is he doing that if he's hurt from his fall? 216 00:09:33,833 --> 00:09:37,000 -Oh, I'd say his injuries are mostly psychological. 217 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:41,625 -Andrea, you told me that he wasn't doing well at all. 218 00:09:41,625 --> 00:09:43,833 -I meant mentally. 219 00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:47,750 -Oh, my God! I'm gonna kill you. 220 00:09:47,750 --> 00:09:50,875 Okay. What was so urgent 221 00:09:50,875 --> 00:09:53,000 that you had to blow up my phone while I'm driving? 222 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:57,708 -So I have this great idea for a new screenplay. 223 00:09:57,708 --> 00:10:01,583 Imagine, like, a really gritty reboot of "Garfield." 224 00:10:01,583 --> 00:10:05,750 Like...what's he willing to do for that lasagna? 225 00:10:05,750 --> 00:10:06,875 [ Cellphone beeps ] 226 00:10:06,875 --> 00:10:09,375 -[ Screams ] 227 00:10:09,375 --> 00:10:11,208 [ Sighs ] 228 00:10:13,625 --> 00:10:15,125 [ Line ringing ] 229 00:10:15,125 --> 00:10:17,500 -Hey, it's Phil. You know what to do. 230 00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:19,458 -Fuck! 231 00:10:19,458 --> 00:10:21,375 [ Engine starts ] 232 00:10:21,375 --> 00:10:24,625 -♪ First Noel, the... ♪ 233 00:10:30,458 --> 00:10:32,250 [ Brakes squeak ] 234 00:10:32,250 --> 00:10:37,000 ♪ Poor shepherds in fields as they lay ♪ 235 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:38,958 -Fuck. [ Sighs ] 236 00:10:38,958 --> 00:10:44,000 -♪ In fields where they ♪ 237 00:10:48,875 --> 00:10:52,625 ♪ On a cold winter's night ♪ 238 00:10:52,625 --> 00:10:54,250 -She's a fucking screenwriter now? 239 00:10:54,250 --> 00:10:58,250 W-Who even knows about Garfield and fucking lasagna? 240 00:10:58,250 --> 00:10:59,625 -[ Squealing ] -Oh, "I hate Mondays." 241 00:10:59,625 --> 00:11:02,125 What the fuck? Jesus Christ. 242 00:11:05,875 --> 00:11:08,875 -Oh, my God. -♪ Noel, Noel ♪ 243 00:11:08,875 --> 00:11:11,583 [ Engine shuts off ] 244 00:11:11,583 --> 00:11:15,250 -The star returns! 245 00:11:15,250 --> 00:11:17,125 -Would you just help me with my bags? 246 00:11:17,125 --> 00:11:19,750 -The ones in the back or the ones under your eyes? 247 00:11:19,750 --> 00:11:21,500 [ Laughs ] 248 00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:23,250 Seriously, though, did you not get any sleep 249 00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:24,500 on the plane or what? 250 00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:27,125 -Please, just cool it. 251 00:11:27,125 --> 00:11:28,875 -Somebody's in a good mood. 252 00:11:28,875 --> 00:11:31,250 -Just help me with my stuff, okay? 253 00:11:31,250 --> 00:11:33,000 -Okay. [ Laughs ] 254 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,500 -[ Sighs ] 255 00:11:38,625 --> 00:11:40,250 -Service with a smile. 256 00:11:40,250 --> 00:11:43,250 [ Mid-tempo music plays ] 257 00:11:43,250 --> 00:11:51,708 ♪♪ 258 00:11:51,708 --> 00:11:53,250 It's good to see you. 259 00:11:53,250 --> 00:11:55,375 -Yeah, it's good to see you, too. 260 00:11:55,375 --> 00:11:57,083 -[ Chuckles ] 261 00:11:57,083 --> 00:11:59,125 Oh, did you read my screenplay? 262 00:11:59,125 --> 00:12:00,708 -You sent it to me yesterday. 263 00:12:00,708 --> 00:12:02,375 -I know, but I thought you might have read it 264 00:12:02,375 --> 00:12:05,625 on the plane since you obviously didn't get any sleep. 265 00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:07,250 -What the hell are you back for? 266 00:12:07,250 --> 00:12:09,375 -Oh. Hi, Larry. 267 00:12:09,375 --> 00:12:10,833 -Good to see you, Larry. 268 00:12:10,833 --> 00:12:13,125 -Oh, is it good to see Larry? 269 00:12:13,125 --> 00:12:15,000 I don't even like to see Larry. 270 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:18,000 Ol' Larry, who farted too hard in the fourth grade 271 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,958 and everybody called him "Shit Pants Larry" 272 00:12:19,958 --> 00:12:22,250 till he was 25 years old. 273 00:12:22,250 --> 00:12:24,000 What are you dirty punks up to? 274 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:25,750 -You're my age, Larry. 275 00:12:25,750 --> 00:12:27,375 Why do you gotta act like such an old man? 276 00:12:27,375 --> 00:12:29,208 -For some of us, time exists! 277 00:12:29,208 --> 00:12:31,333 All right? I age. 278 00:12:31,333 --> 00:12:33,500 Gracefully. Naturally. 279 00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:35,208 Unlike you Hollywood pedophiles. 280 00:12:35,208 --> 00:12:36,708 -We went to kindergarten together. 281 00:12:36,708 --> 00:12:39,000 -Eh. -Don't antagonize him. 282 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,625 -Just stating the facts. 283 00:12:40,625 --> 00:12:43,458 -Before we go in, we should talk. 284 00:12:44,875 --> 00:12:48,958 I need you to help me to convince Dad to sell this place. 285 00:12:48,958 --> 00:12:50,458 -Why would I do that? 286 00:12:50,458 --> 00:12:52,875 -So we can use the money, you know, 287 00:12:52,875 --> 00:12:55,875 to set him up someplace with more support. 288 00:12:55,875 --> 00:12:58,875 And Mark. I don't know. 289 00:12:58,875 --> 00:13:00,375 -What are you talking about? 290 00:13:00,375 --> 00:13:02,625 -Dad can't take care of this place anymore. 291 00:13:02,625 --> 00:13:05,750 He can't take care of himself or Mark. 292 00:13:05,750 --> 00:13:07,250 We're gonna have to figure something out. 293 00:13:07,250 --> 00:13:09,583 -Okay. I'm just gonna stop you right there 294 00:13:09,583 --> 00:13:12,250 because you've lost a little bit of credibility here. 295 00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:16,500 So I'm gonna go in and assess the situation for myself. 296 00:13:16,500 --> 00:13:18,583 -Okay. 297 00:13:18,583 --> 00:13:25,500 ♪♪ 298 00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:32,458 ♪♪ 299 00:13:32,458 --> 00:13:39,375 ♪♪ 300 00:13:39,375 --> 00:13:41,833 -I mean, it's not that bad. 301 00:13:41,833 --> 00:13:43,250 -Are you kidding? 302 00:13:43,250 --> 00:13:45,583 -Just needs a little bit of straightening up. 303 00:13:45,583 --> 00:13:46,750 -Oh, my God. 304 00:13:46,750 --> 00:13:49,125 Okay, whatever. 305 00:13:49,125 --> 00:13:52,500 [ Techno music plays ] 306 00:13:52,500 --> 00:14:00,333 ♪♪ 307 00:14:00,333 --> 00:14:03,375 -Oh, oh. Oh, my God. 308 00:14:03,375 --> 00:14:06,750 Oh, my God. 309 00:14:06,750 --> 00:14:09,875 -Hey! What the...? 310 00:14:09,875 --> 00:14:12,708 Shelly! -Hey, bud! 311 00:14:12,708 --> 00:14:15,833 -I've missed you so much. -I know. Me too. 312 00:14:15,833 --> 00:14:17,875 -Why'd you turn off my food? 313 00:14:17,875 --> 00:14:20,250 -You can't put tinfoil in the microwave, man. 314 00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:23,000 -I always do. 315 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,250 -I can see that. -Mm-hmm. 316 00:14:25,250 --> 00:14:27,500 -Where's Dad? -He's in the shed. 317 00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:30,958 Stacking water. -So he's okay? 318 00:14:30,958 --> 00:14:33,750 -He's gotten really into the whole doomsday thing. 319 00:14:33,750 --> 00:14:35,583 [ Alarm blaring ] -Uh-oh. 320 00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:37,375 -Oh, shit. 321 00:14:37,375 --> 00:14:40,708 -Survival drill! 322 00:14:40,708 --> 00:14:42,375 Time to lock down our shit! 323 00:14:42,375 --> 00:14:45,250 -It's the end of the world! 324 00:14:45,250 --> 00:14:47,125 Aaaaah! 325 00:14:47,125 --> 00:14:50,875 -Get all of the INCH bags! All of the INCH bags! 326 00:14:50,875 --> 00:14:52,500 -Hey, Dad. 327 00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:55,208 -Oh. Hi -- Hi, honey. 328 00:14:55,208 --> 00:14:57,625 [ Alarm continues blaring ] 329 00:14:57,625 --> 00:14:59,625 Good. You're -- You're here. Help me with this. 330 00:14:59,625 --> 00:15:01,000 -Uh, with what, exactly? 331 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,083 -Come on. Come on! 332 00:15:03,083 --> 00:15:05,208 -Dad, Andrea said you had a bad fall. 333 00:15:05,208 --> 00:15:08,000 -I tripped. A tiny bruise. 334 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:11,333 Ugh, she's like a one-woman episode of "This is Us." 335 00:15:11,333 --> 00:15:12,875 -You're okay? Like, really? 336 00:15:12,875 --> 00:15:14,625 -With environmental destruction, 337 00:15:14,625 --> 00:15:16,875 return to fascism, overpopulation, 338 00:15:16,875 --> 00:15:18,750 society's being pushed to the brink. 339 00:15:18,750 --> 00:15:20,375 It's only a matter of time 340 00:15:20,375 --> 00:15:24,083 before we break down into bands of roving warlords. 341 00:15:24,083 --> 00:15:26,250 -So you're okay? -Nobody's okay. 342 00:15:26,250 --> 00:15:29,250 -What a heartwarming thought. 343 00:15:29,250 --> 00:15:31,250 [ Alarm continues blaring ] 344 00:15:33,875 --> 00:15:36,333 -Everyone have their radiation pills? 345 00:15:36,333 --> 00:15:39,000 -Wait, so this is a nuclear-attack scenario, 346 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,750 and your number-one concern is camouflaging the shed? 347 00:15:41,750 --> 00:15:45,125 -Do you have your INCH bags? -What the shit is an INCH bag? 348 00:15:45,125 --> 00:15:46,583 -It's an acronym. 349 00:15:46,583 --> 00:15:48,208 It stands for, "I'm Never Coming Home." 350 00:15:48,208 --> 00:15:49,708 -Yeah. 351 00:15:49,708 --> 00:15:51,375 It's kind of like whatever bag you packed 352 00:15:51,375 --> 00:15:53,000 the last time you left. 353 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:54,375 -[ Chuckles ] 354 00:15:54,375 --> 00:15:57,083 -Wow. 355 00:15:57,083 --> 00:15:59,000 Okay. 356 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,583 -Sick burn, Dad. 357 00:16:00,583 --> 00:16:01,833 -You know what? Give me a break, Mark. 358 00:16:01,833 --> 00:16:03,833 And Dad, chill out. 359 00:16:03,833 --> 00:16:05,583 And for the record, if the world were ending, 360 00:16:05,583 --> 00:16:07,875 this is the last place I'd want to be stuck. 361 00:16:07,875 --> 00:16:09,250 -Same. -Same. 362 00:16:09,250 --> 00:16:11,375 -All I want is for you all to survive. 363 00:16:11,375 --> 00:16:13,875 -The only threat to my survival at this moment 364 00:16:13,875 --> 00:16:15,750 is that I'm considering killing myself 365 00:16:15,750 --> 00:16:18,250 because this conversation is so insane. 366 00:16:18,250 --> 00:16:20,250 -All right. What are you gonna do if there's a fire? 367 00:16:20,250 --> 00:16:21,500 -Put it out. 368 00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:23,833 -I mean specifically in this house, 369 00:16:23,833 --> 00:16:26,000 what steps are you going to take? 370 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:27,333 -I don't know. 371 00:16:27,333 --> 00:16:30,083 -Right here, there is a lock box, 372 00:16:30,083 --> 00:16:37,000 and it is full of fire-safety equipment. 373 00:16:39,333 --> 00:16:41,250 You have to work like a team, 374 00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:43,375 or we will all burn to death. 375 00:16:43,375 --> 00:16:45,000 There's a fine line between survival 376 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,750 and the coroner sifting through our charred remains. 377 00:16:47,750 --> 00:16:50,750 -The fuck, Dad? -So, Andrea, you are going 378 00:16:50,750 --> 00:16:53,625 to get the keys. -Sweet. I got the easy job. 379 00:16:53,625 --> 00:16:55,875 -Michelle, you open up this bad boy, 380 00:16:55,875 --> 00:16:57,458 and you hand out the equipment. 381 00:16:57,458 --> 00:16:59,625 Mark, you are going to get the fire extinguisher, 382 00:16:59,625 --> 00:17:01,625 and you just spray the shit out of everything. 383 00:17:01,625 --> 00:17:04,083 -Aye aye, Cap'n Butthead! 384 00:17:04,083 --> 00:17:06,875 -The keys are gonna be right in here, got it? 385 00:17:06,875 --> 00:17:08,208 -Got it! -Got it. 386 00:17:08,208 --> 00:17:09,583 -Any questions? -I have a question. 387 00:17:09,583 --> 00:17:11,125 Why does this box need to be locked? 388 00:17:11,125 --> 00:17:13,958 I mean, isn't it wasting valuable seconds in this inferno 389 00:17:13,958 --> 00:17:17,500 we suddenly find ourselves in? 390 00:17:17,500 --> 00:17:19,458 -I need a beer. 391 00:17:19,458 --> 00:17:21,375 -Yeah, me too. 392 00:17:21,375 --> 00:17:23,000 -I don't think casual day drinking 393 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,708 is a good example to set for Mark. 394 00:17:24,708 --> 00:17:26,500 -Hey, stop being so dramatic. 395 00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:28,833 Why don't you just take your stuff up to your old room? 396 00:17:28,833 --> 00:17:30,625 It's an office now. The couch opens up. 397 00:17:30,625 --> 00:17:31,958 -I'm being dramatic? 398 00:17:31,958 --> 00:17:33,250 You just described in great detail 399 00:17:33,250 --> 00:17:35,500 how we're all gonna burn to death. 400 00:17:35,500 --> 00:17:41,000 ♪♪ 401 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:45,125 -Hey, it's Phil. You know what to do. 402 00:17:45,125 --> 00:17:46,500 -You see what I'm saying? 403 00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:49,125 -I don't know. Maybe. 404 00:17:49,125 --> 00:17:51,750 Just give me a minute, okay? -You got it. 405 00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:56,750 No talking by me for 60 seconds starting... 406 00:17:56,750 --> 00:17:58,208 now! 407 00:18:09,708 --> 00:18:12,750 [ Cellphone vibrates ] 408 00:18:12,750 --> 00:18:14,250 -Hello? -Hey. 409 00:18:14,250 --> 00:18:16,625 -[ Sighs ] -Oh, shit. What's going on? 410 00:18:16,625 --> 00:18:18,375 -I can't tell if my idiot sister 411 00:18:18,375 --> 00:18:19,875 is blowing things out of proportion 412 00:18:19,875 --> 00:18:21,583 or if there's really a problem. 413 00:18:21,583 --> 00:18:23,875 So I'm staying through Christmas, I guess. 414 00:18:23,875 --> 00:18:25,833 I'm gonna try to figure everything out, 415 00:18:25,833 --> 00:18:27,875 and then I'm flying right back. 416 00:18:27,875 --> 00:18:30,125 -Good, because it is fucking blowing up out here. 417 00:18:30,125 --> 00:18:32,000 I mean, motherfucking "SNL." 418 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:33,833 -Yeah. Somebody got fired? -Yeah. Apparently 419 00:18:33,833 --> 00:18:36,250 some cast member made a joke about Chinese democracy. 420 00:18:36,250 --> 00:18:37,375 -Shit. -Apparently they want 421 00:18:37,375 --> 00:18:39,125 a new woman right away, 422 00:18:39,125 --> 00:18:41,708 so everyone is going in for it, even me. 423 00:18:41,708 --> 00:18:43,833 -Well, good luck to us both. 424 00:18:43,833 --> 00:18:46,208 May the odds be ever in our favor. 425 00:18:46,208 --> 00:18:48,000 -You are such a nerd. 426 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,083 [ Down-tempo music plays ] 427 00:18:50,083 --> 00:18:55,250 ♪♪ 428 00:18:55,250 --> 00:18:58,125 -There, Shelly. Let me help you. 429 00:18:58,125 --> 00:19:00,000 -Thanks, Marco. 430 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:05,500 ♪♪ 431 00:19:05,500 --> 00:19:11,000 ♪♪ 432 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:12,958 [ Grunts ] 433 00:19:12,958 --> 00:19:14,750 [ Sighs ] 434 00:19:14,750 --> 00:19:18,375 [ Metal clanging ] 435 00:19:18,375 --> 00:19:21,000 Oh, I can't do this right now. 436 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:22,875 [ Sighs ] 437 00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:26,375 -It's like this. 438 00:19:26,375 --> 00:19:36,125 ♪♪ 439 00:19:36,125 --> 00:19:45,875 ♪♪ 440 00:19:45,875 --> 00:19:47,958 -Did you do this? 441 00:19:47,958 --> 00:19:55,083 ♪♪ 442 00:19:55,083 --> 00:19:56,875 -Hey, man. 443 00:19:56,875 --> 00:20:00,500 Why are you squeezing me so tight? 444 00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:09,625 ♪♪ 445 00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:18,708 ♪♪ 446 00:20:18,708 --> 00:20:27,750 ♪♪ 447 00:20:27,750 --> 00:20:36,875 ♪♪ 448 00:20:36,875 --> 00:20:45,875 ♪♪ 449 00:20:45,875 --> 00:20:55,000 ♪♪ 450 00:20:55,000 --> 00:21:04,125 ♪♪ 451 00:21:04,125 --> 00:21:13,208 ♪♪ 452 00:21:13,208 --> 00:21:17,708 Four more sleeps until Christmas. 453 00:21:17,708 --> 00:21:19,625 -Mark, what the hell? 454 00:21:19,625 --> 00:21:21,375 I'm still sleeping. 455 00:21:21,375 --> 00:21:22,875 -Oops. Sorry. 456 00:21:22,875 --> 00:21:24,375 -No sorry. Just leavey. 457 00:21:24,375 --> 00:21:27,125 -Hey, you want to sing our Christmas song? 458 00:21:27,125 --> 00:21:29,125 -No, Marco. I'm still on LA time. 459 00:21:29,125 --> 00:21:30,750 I want to sleep. Get out! 460 00:21:30,750 --> 00:21:32,083 -Geez. 461 00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:35,583 You don't gotta fart my head off. 462 00:21:35,583 --> 00:21:37,250 [ Mutters ] 463 00:21:39,583 --> 00:21:47,750 ♪♪ 464 00:21:47,750 --> 00:21:55,875 ♪♪ 465 00:21:55,875 --> 00:22:04,000 ♪♪ 466 00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:06,875 -Oh, good morning, Shel. 467 00:22:06,875 --> 00:22:08,208 -Hey, Dad. 468 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:15,375 -You know, uh, 469 00:22:15,375 --> 00:22:17,750 I'm really glad you're here. 470 00:22:17,750 --> 00:22:20,375 -Yeah, thanks. Me too. 471 00:22:23,375 --> 00:22:27,208 Look, Dad, how you doing? 472 00:22:27,208 --> 00:22:28,708 Like, really? 473 00:22:28,708 --> 00:22:31,625 -I ever tell you about my friend Michael Buddle? 474 00:22:31,625 --> 00:22:33,958 -Only every time we've ever spoken 475 00:22:33,958 --> 00:22:35,375 for as long as I can remember. 476 00:22:35,375 --> 00:22:37,875 -He was a really good actor. 477 00:22:37,875 --> 00:22:39,750 He was also very smart. 478 00:22:39,750 --> 00:22:41,750 Uh, we met at college. 479 00:22:41,750 --> 00:22:43,583 -Yeah, I know, Dad, but, like, 480 00:22:43,583 --> 00:22:45,250 how was everything around the house and stuff? 481 00:22:45,250 --> 00:22:48,125 -Eventually he dropped out of college 482 00:22:48,125 --> 00:22:51,750 because he wanted to pursue acting full-time. 483 00:22:51,750 --> 00:22:53,375 -Because, you know, if you need help 484 00:22:53,375 --> 00:22:54,833 with anything, you could tell me. 485 00:22:54,833 --> 00:22:57,708 -I told him it was a mistake. 486 00:22:57,708 --> 00:23:01,000 Of course, he didn't make much money from acting. 487 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,625 [ Sputters ] Well, you know how that is. 488 00:23:03,625 --> 00:23:06,125 -That is so gross. 489 00:23:06,125 --> 00:23:08,875 Did Fox News tell you to eat that? 490 00:23:08,875 --> 00:23:10,833 -That's conservative media. 491 00:23:10,833 --> 00:23:12,625 I'm a libertarian. 492 00:23:12,625 --> 00:23:14,083 -What's the goddamn difference? 493 00:23:14,083 --> 00:23:15,708 -I believe in global warming. 494 00:23:15,708 --> 00:23:18,375 I just don't want the government to do anything about it. 495 00:23:18,375 --> 00:23:20,083 -Wow. -So do you want to hear 496 00:23:20,083 --> 00:23:21,250 what happened to Michael Buddle? 497 00:23:21,250 --> 00:23:23,458 -He got sick. -He got sick, 498 00:23:23,458 --> 00:23:24,875 and he didn't have any health insurance. 499 00:23:24,875 --> 00:23:26,125 So you know what happened to him? 500 00:23:26,125 --> 00:23:28,458 -He died. -His heart exploded. 501 00:23:28,458 --> 00:23:32,375 The doctor said if only they had caught it sooner. 502 00:23:41,500 --> 00:23:43,000 -You know, Dad, to me, 503 00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:44,583 that story is more of an indictment 504 00:23:44,583 --> 00:23:46,625 of our broken health care system than anything else, 505 00:23:46,625 --> 00:23:50,333 because I know it is certainly not life advice 506 00:23:50,333 --> 00:23:54,083 from a man who is drinking beer and raw eggs for breakfast. 507 00:23:54,083 --> 00:23:57,458 -All I'm saying is people make choices, 508 00:23:57,458 --> 00:24:00,833 and depending on what those choices are, 509 00:24:00,833 --> 00:24:02,625 they sometimes die. 510 00:24:02,625 --> 00:24:05,000 -Okay. Um... 511 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:08,083 Maybe some holiday decorations 512 00:24:08,083 --> 00:24:09,458 will increase morale around here. 513 00:24:09,458 --> 00:24:11,458 Do you have any Christmas lights? 514 00:24:11,458 --> 00:24:13,625 -No. Your mom took them when she left. 515 00:24:13,625 --> 00:24:15,333 -I'm gonna get some, 516 00:24:15,333 --> 00:24:17,500 because if this is potentially 517 00:24:17,500 --> 00:24:19,250 our last holiday in the house, 518 00:24:19,250 --> 00:24:22,125 we should do it right. 519 00:24:22,125 --> 00:24:24,208 -What the hell are you talking about? 520 00:24:25,208 --> 00:24:28,125 -Uh, Andrea seems to think 521 00:24:28,125 --> 00:24:29,583 that you need to get rid of this place. 522 00:24:29,583 --> 00:24:31,875 -Yeah, well, Andrea answers the phone 523 00:24:31,875 --> 00:24:33,250 in a Shakespearean accent, 524 00:24:33,250 --> 00:24:35,250 so maybe we shouldn't put so much stock 525 00:24:35,250 --> 00:24:36,500 into what Andrea says. 526 00:24:36,500 --> 00:24:38,875 -Yeah, but -- -This is my home! 527 00:24:38,875 --> 00:24:40,500 I bought it. 528 00:24:40,500 --> 00:24:44,375 I have lived here for 30 years. Mark, too. 529 00:24:44,375 --> 00:24:47,583 We are not gonna leave just because Andrea thinks we should. 530 00:24:47,583 --> 00:24:50,333 -Yeah, I know, but -- -I am not some sick old man! 531 00:24:50,333 --> 00:24:53,500 I still have plenty of fighting years left. 532 00:24:56,958 --> 00:25:02,208 They will take this house from my cold, dead hands. 533 00:25:09,833 --> 00:25:11,500 -Okay, then. 534 00:25:20,333 --> 00:25:25,375 I'm gonna go for a run and pick up some stuff 535 00:25:25,375 --> 00:25:29,208 on the off chance that anybody cares! 536 00:25:29,208 --> 00:25:31,250 [ Down-tempo music plays ] 537 00:25:31,250 --> 00:25:38,083 ♪♪ 538 00:25:38,083 --> 00:25:44,875 ♪♪ 539 00:25:44,875 --> 00:25:51,708 ♪♪ 540 00:25:51,708 --> 00:25:53,750 [ Door opens ] 541 00:25:56,958 --> 00:26:00,625 -Nice! I didn't know you ran. 542 00:26:00,625 --> 00:26:03,500 Runner's high, am I right? -No. 543 00:26:03,500 --> 00:26:06,500 The runner's high is a myth, just like the female orgasm. 544 00:26:06,500 --> 00:26:09,875 -Got it. Oh. Can I have one of those drinks? 545 00:26:09,875 --> 00:26:12,875 -Sure. 546 00:26:12,875 --> 00:26:16,625 -Thank you. -So I talked to Dad. 547 00:26:16,625 --> 00:26:19,458 -Yeah, I-I know he's against it, 548 00:26:19,458 --> 00:26:21,833 but you gotta understand... 549 00:26:26,333 --> 00:26:30,375 Oh. Boy, that is spicy. 550 00:26:30,375 --> 00:26:32,250 -It's a sparkling water. 551 00:26:32,250 --> 00:26:34,333 -It's got some kick. 552 00:26:34,333 --> 00:26:37,500 -Okay, so what do I gotta understand? 553 00:26:37,500 --> 00:26:40,583 -[ Coughs ] Damn, that is spicy as hell. 554 00:26:42,083 --> 00:26:44,250 -Are you done? 555 00:26:44,250 --> 00:26:45,750 -Okay. Yeah. Um... 556 00:26:45,750 --> 00:26:47,833 So there's, like, a financial component, right? 557 00:26:47,833 --> 00:26:49,875 Like, property taxes and whatever else. 558 00:26:49,875 --> 00:26:53,875 And he's behind, so they're gonna take it from him. 559 00:26:53,875 --> 00:26:56,625 And obviously that's not gonna go over well. 560 00:26:56,625 --> 00:26:59,375 So I figure he should just make the decision 561 00:26:59,375 --> 00:27:02,125 on his own and cash in while he can. 562 00:27:02,125 --> 00:27:04,000 -Maybe you could float him a few bucks? 563 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:05,458 -No! 564 00:27:05,458 --> 00:27:07,333 Especially because I don't think he and Mark 565 00:27:07,333 --> 00:27:09,375 should be alone in this house anymore! 566 00:27:09,375 --> 00:27:12,000 -Okay. God! 567 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:13,875 Keep it down. Every conversation 568 00:27:13,875 --> 00:27:16,708 doesn't need to be an Oscar-winning moment, okay? 569 00:27:16,708 --> 00:27:19,333 -I don't know what you're talking about. 570 00:27:19,333 --> 00:27:22,500 -But if there's a financial component, I mean, that's that. 571 00:27:22,500 --> 00:27:24,708 It'd suck balls, but there's nothing you can do, I guess. 572 00:27:24,708 --> 00:27:27,125 -We also need to figure out what Mark's gonna do, right? 573 00:27:27,125 --> 00:27:30,000 -Yeah. Look, let's just take it one thing at a time, okay? 574 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:31,375 And we'll figure it out. 575 00:27:31,375 --> 00:27:33,625 -I love you. 576 00:27:33,625 --> 00:27:35,708 You're a good sister. 577 00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:42,583 -I-I'm gonna go put the groceries away. 578 00:27:42,583 --> 00:27:48,375 ♪♪ 579 00:27:48,375 --> 00:27:54,125 ♪♪ 580 00:27:54,125 --> 00:27:57,208 [ Dog barks ] -I'm the dog... 581 00:27:57,208 --> 00:27:59,000 -Hey, Marco, I'm going to get some Christmas lights. 582 00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:00,958 You want to come with me? -Nah. 583 00:28:00,958 --> 00:28:02,500 -You can get your picture taken with Santa. 584 00:28:02,500 --> 00:28:03,583 Wouldn't that be fun? 585 00:28:03,583 --> 00:28:06,083 -Santa's not real. 586 00:28:06,083 --> 00:28:09,083 You sound retarded. 587 00:28:09,083 --> 00:28:11,083 -What?! 588 00:28:11,083 --> 00:28:12,708 Where did you hear that? 589 00:28:12,708 --> 00:28:16,625 [ Television playing indistinctly ] 590 00:28:16,625 --> 00:28:19,083 Well, don't say it anymore. It's a bad word. 591 00:28:19,083 --> 00:28:21,125 -You say "bitch." 592 00:28:21,125 --> 00:28:23,333 -When I say "bitch," it's different. 593 00:28:23,333 --> 00:28:25,625 Like, I'm taking it back. [ Sighs ] 594 00:28:25,625 --> 00:28:28,375 Oh, God. I gotta go back to LA. 595 00:28:28,375 --> 00:28:31,750 -Okay. Okay. I was just kidding. 596 00:28:31,750 --> 00:28:33,875 -Why does everything have to be so impossible? 597 00:28:33,875 --> 00:28:37,833 -Santa's real. Let's go get a picture. 598 00:28:37,833 --> 00:28:39,458 -You just said Santa wasn't real. 599 00:28:39,458 --> 00:28:41,833 -I was just tricking you. 600 00:28:41,833 --> 00:28:44,500 -Okay, you knucklehead. Let's go. 601 00:28:44,500 --> 00:28:45,875 [ Up-tempo music plays ] 602 00:28:45,875 --> 00:28:52,708 -♪ Ooh, Merry Christmas, baby ♪ 603 00:28:52,708 --> 00:28:54,500 ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪ 604 00:28:54,500 --> 00:28:57,458 -The only way you can get your present this year 605 00:28:57,458 --> 00:29:01,625 is if you say one nice thing about each other. 606 00:29:01,625 --> 00:29:03,125 -Oh. -I love you. You're the best 607 00:29:03,125 --> 00:29:05,125 sister in the world. -Uh-oh. That's a -- 608 00:29:05,125 --> 00:29:07,250 -You too! -That's a good one. 609 00:29:07,250 --> 00:29:09,125 You will get your presents, I promise. 610 00:29:09,125 --> 00:29:10,875 -Thank you. -You're welcome. 611 00:29:10,875 --> 00:29:12,250 I'll see you next year. 612 00:29:12,250 --> 00:29:15,125 -Bye. -Goodbye. [ Chuckles heartily ] 613 00:29:15,125 --> 00:29:17,375 Next! 614 00:29:17,375 --> 00:29:19,708 -Oh, here we go. 615 00:29:19,708 --> 00:29:22,500 -Oh, hell no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 616 00:29:22,500 --> 00:29:24,625 Ugh! My balls! 617 00:29:24,625 --> 00:29:27,500 [ Strained ] Oh! Okay, big guy. 618 00:29:27,500 --> 00:29:28,625 What do you want for Christmas. 619 00:29:28,625 --> 00:29:30,750 -Tickets to see Toto. 620 00:29:30,750 --> 00:29:33,250 -Aren't they, like, one-hit wonders? 621 00:29:33,250 --> 00:29:35,333 -No. -Okay, well, what about 622 00:29:35,333 --> 00:29:36,333 something more realistic? 623 00:29:36,333 --> 00:29:37,625 -A job. 624 00:29:37,625 --> 00:29:41,500 -A job? -Yeah. 625 00:29:41,500 --> 00:29:43,333 -Okay, I'll see what I can do. 626 00:29:43,333 --> 00:29:45,958 Oh, I got a buddy who runs a Hooters. 627 00:29:45,958 --> 00:29:47,333 -Or! 628 00:29:47,333 --> 00:29:49,750 -Or? -A girlfriend. 629 00:29:49,750 --> 00:29:53,208 -You want a job or a girlfriend? 630 00:29:53,208 --> 00:29:55,500 -Yeah, but not both. 631 00:29:55,500 --> 00:29:56,958 -Well, why not? 632 00:29:56,958 --> 00:29:59,125 -I can't handle that much responsibility. 633 00:29:59,125 --> 00:30:01,708 -You and me both, brother. [ Chuckles ] 634 00:30:01,708 --> 00:30:04,500 -Let's hurry it up, hotshot. 635 00:30:04,500 --> 00:30:05,875 ♪♪ 636 00:30:05,875 --> 00:30:08,333 [ Camera shutter clicking ] 637 00:30:10,625 --> 00:30:13,875 -♪ Up on the housetop reindeer pause ♪ 638 00:30:13,875 --> 00:30:16,875 ♪ Out jumps good old Santa Claus ♪ 639 00:30:16,875 --> 00:30:19,875 ♪ Down through the chimney with lots of toys ♪ 640 00:30:19,875 --> 00:30:23,000 ♪ All for the little ones, Christmas joys ♪ 641 00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:26,125 ♪ Ho, ho, ho, who wouldn't go? ♪ 642 00:30:26,208 --> 00:30:29,375 ♪ Ho, ho, ho, who wouldn't go? ♪ 643 00:30:29,375 --> 00:30:32,083 ♪ Up on the housetop click, click, click ♪ 644 00:30:32,083 --> 00:30:35,333 ♪ Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick ♪ 645 00:30:35,375 --> 00:30:41,625 ♪ Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick ♪ 646 00:30:41,625 --> 00:30:43,458 [ Crickets chirping ] 647 00:30:47,625 --> 00:30:49,375 -[ Scoffs ] 648 00:30:49,375 --> 00:30:51,708 Well, shit! 649 00:30:51,708 --> 00:30:53,458 Come on, you little... 650 00:30:53,458 --> 00:30:55,750 fuckers! 651 00:30:55,750 --> 00:30:58,000 -How's my awesome sister doing? 652 00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:02,208 -Well, I just spent two hours putting these goddamn lights up, 653 00:31:02,208 --> 00:31:05,583 and the cocksuckers don't work. 654 00:31:05,583 --> 00:31:07,708 -Have you tried plugging them in? 655 00:31:09,875 --> 00:31:12,000 -Yeah. 656 00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:14,375 Tell me you have weed. 657 00:31:14,375 --> 00:31:15,875 -Let's go. 658 00:31:15,875 --> 00:31:17,750 -Hey. -Yeah? 659 00:31:17,750 --> 00:31:19,583 -Should we invite Mark? 660 00:31:19,583 --> 00:31:23,125 -Isn't that, like, an ethical minefield? 661 00:31:23,125 --> 00:31:25,500 -He drinks beer. Is it that different? 662 00:31:25,500 --> 00:31:28,375 -Yeah, and you don't think he should drink beer. 663 00:31:28,375 --> 00:31:29,958 -It just seems unfair. 664 00:31:29,958 --> 00:31:31,500 You know, like, it's just another thing 665 00:31:31,500 --> 00:31:33,958 that he misses out on. -Yeah. 666 00:31:33,958 --> 00:31:37,458 -Only in this case, it's not from society or whatever. 667 00:31:37,458 --> 00:31:38,958 It's from his sisters. 668 00:31:38,958 --> 00:31:40,583 The ones that should be looking out for him. 669 00:31:40,583 --> 00:31:43,250 -Oh, my God. Okay! 670 00:31:43,250 --> 00:31:45,083 -Okay? 671 00:31:45,125 --> 00:31:46,625 -Okay. 672 00:31:46,625 --> 00:31:48,833 [ Mid-tempo music plays ] 673 00:31:48,833 --> 00:31:56,500 ♪♪ 674 00:31:56,500 --> 00:31:58,375 -There you go. 675 00:31:58,375 --> 00:32:06,625 ♪♪ 676 00:32:06,625 --> 00:32:08,000 -[ Laughs ] 677 00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:09,833 -[ Coughs ] 678 00:32:09,833 --> 00:32:12,583 -[ Laughing ] Oh! Take it easy, man. 679 00:32:12,583 --> 00:32:14,625 Don't be a hero. 680 00:32:14,625 --> 00:32:17,250 -I have to be a hero. 681 00:32:17,250 --> 00:32:18,875 It's my job. 682 00:32:18,875 --> 00:32:21,583 -Well, definitely beats selling life insurance. 683 00:32:21,583 --> 00:32:24,083 -What is that supposed to mean? 684 00:32:24,083 --> 00:32:25,750 -It means I hate my job. 685 00:32:25,750 --> 00:32:28,333 -Well, having some money has got to take the edge off. 686 00:32:28,333 --> 00:32:30,083 -Your career is cool. 687 00:32:30,083 --> 00:32:32,625 -Do I look rich or famous to you? 688 00:32:32,625 --> 00:32:36,500 -You're both just lucky 689 00:32:36,500 --> 00:32:40,125 that mom didn't come home for Christmas. 690 00:32:40,125 --> 00:32:42,250 [ Laughter ] 691 00:32:42,250 --> 00:32:44,750 -Yeah. Isn't she in the Florida Keys 692 00:32:44,750 --> 00:32:46,000 with her Parrot Head boyfriend? 693 00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:47,500 -Yeah, but she keeps threatening 694 00:32:47,500 --> 00:32:49,250 to come home for a visit. -Ugh. 695 00:32:49,250 --> 00:32:52,250 -She's weird and loud. 696 00:32:52,250 --> 00:32:54,500 -Oh, and when she gets mad. 697 00:32:54,500 --> 00:32:57,208 -Oh, she is the master of ripping people apart. 698 00:32:57,208 --> 00:32:58,625 -She can act so classy, 699 00:32:58,625 --> 00:33:00,958 and then, like, her inner demons come out. 700 00:33:00,958 --> 00:33:03,750 -Ah, you little bastards smoking weed back there? 701 00:33:03,750 --> 00:33:05,250 -Mm, mm, mm, 702 00:33:05,250 --> 00:33:06,875 -I called the DEA! 703 00:33:06,875 --> 00:33:08,375 Yeah, I called them. 704 00:33:08,375 --> 00:33:11,125 I looked them up on the Internet! 705 00:33:11,125 --> 00:33:14,250 -You should turn on the Christmas lights. 706 00:33:14,250 --> 00:33:15,833 -Well, they're fucked, so... 707 00:33:15,833 --> 00:33:17,833 -Did you try plugging them in? 708 00:33:17,833 --> 00:33:19,708 -Oh, my God. Yes, I did. 709 00:33:19,708 --> 00:33:22,583 -I think there's a bad bulb somewhere, and that's why. 710 00:33:22,583 --> 00:33:24,250 -I don't think that's a thing anymore. 711 00:33:24,250 --> 00:33:26,083 -I can guarantee you it is. 712 00:33:26,083 --> 00:33:28,000 -Well, they're brand-new. -Doesn't matter. 713 00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:31,083 -Well, look, I'm not an expert in electrics or whatever, 714 00:33:31,083 --> 00:33:33,208 but I just heard that that wasn't a thing anymore. 715 00:33:33,208 --> 00:33:35,208 That's all I'm saying. -And I can tell you 716 00:33:35,208 --> 00:33:38,250 that wherever you heard that from is wrong. 717 00:33:38,250 --> 00:33:40,375 -O...kay? 718 00:33:40,375 --> 00:33:43,708 -I'm not trying to be a dick, but I promise you that 719 00:33:43,708 --> 00:33:46,125 if there's a burnt-out bulb, the whole strand won't light up. 720 00:33:46,125 --> 00:33:49,000 And that's for sure what's happening here. 721 00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:52,750 -You can't use this one. It doesn't work. 722 00:33:52,750 --> 00:33:56,125 You gotta use this one instead. 723 00:34:01,875 --> 00:34:04,500 [ Down-tempo music plays ] 724 00:34:04,500 --> 00:34:14,375 ♪♪ 725 00:34:14,375 --> 00:34:15,875 -Huh. 726 00:34:15,875 --> 00:34:16,875 -[ Scoffs ] 727 00:34:16,875 --> 00:34:19,125 -You're both wrong, Shelly. 728 00:34:19,125 --> 00:34:22,083 -Thanks. I got it, Mark. 729 00:34:22,083 --> 00:34:23,625 [ Vehicle approaching ] 730 00:34:23,625 --> 00:34:25,500 Who the fuck is that? 731 00:34:31,500 --> 00:34:34,500 ♪♪ 732 00:34:34,500 --> 00:34:36,125 -[ Whispering ] I knew it! -What? 733 00:34:36,125 --> 00:34:38,375 -Hi. -He's been getting sex workers. 734 00:34:38,375 --> 00:34:39,708 -Prostitutes? 735 00:34:39,708 --> 00:34:42,125 -What do you think? -Oh, my God. 736 00:34:42,125 --> 00:34:44,750 -Although the preferred term is sex worker. 737 00:34:44,750 --> 00:34:47,625 -Merry Christmas. -Merry Christmas. 738 00:34:47,625 --> 00:34:49,125 -[ Gasps ] 739 00:34:49,125 --> 00:34:50,500 -I didn't think they did that. 740 00:34:50,500 --> 00:34:52,375 -Well, some do, some don't. 741 00:34:52,375 --> 00:34:54,000 It's really case by case. 742 00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:55,500 It's tough to generalize. 743 00:34:55,500 --> 00:34:58,000 -How do you know so fucking much about this? 744 00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:00,500 -Can you finally admit that things are fucked around here? 745 00:35:00,500 --> 00:35:01,750 -Shelly. -I mean... 746 00:35:01,750 --> 00:35:03,458 -Shelly! -What?! 747 00:35:03,458 --> 00:35:07,083 -It is tough to generalize, Shelly. 748 00:35:07,083 --> 00:35:09,833 -Okay. Christ! 749 00:35:09,833 --> 00:35:12,375 Is she bringing her own 750 00:35:12,375 --> 00:35:14,625 Christmas stocking into our home? 751 00:35:14,625 --> 00:35:17,000 -He's completely lost it. See? 752 00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:19,583 -Fine. You were right. I was wrong. 753 00:35:19,583 --> 00:35:21,875 -Thank you. -But there is no way 754 00:35:21,875 --> 00:35:24,333 that we can sell the house in the condition that it is now. 755 00:35:24,333 --> 00:35:27,333 So tomorrow is go time. 756 00:35:27,333 --> 00:35:32,875 ♪♪ 757 00:35:32,875 --> 00:35:38,500 ♪♪ 758 00:35:38,500 --> 00:35:40,625 [ Sighs ] 759 00:36:02,625 --> 00:36:04,375 [ Cellphone vibrates ] 760 00:36:04,375 --> 00:36:06,750 -Did you get a callback? -Oh, my God. Yes. Did you? 761 00:36:06,750 --> 00:36:09,500 -Yes! Aah! -Holy shit. 762 00:36:09,500 --> 00:36:11,250 What if we're in the cast of "SNL" together? 763 00:36:11,250 --> 00:36:13,500 -You do realize we're competing for the same spot, right? 764 00:36:13,500 --> 00:36:14,750 -Shut up. Don't even put that out there. 765 00:36:14,750 --> 00:36:16,375 -Oh, my God. What was I thinking? 766 00:36:16,375 --> 00:36:17,625 This is absolutely the year that middle-aged women 767 00:36:17,625 --> 00:36:19,083 take over comedy. -I love you. 768 00:36:19,083 --> 00:36:20,125 I gotta put my tape together. -Bye. 769 00:36:20,125 --> 00:36:21,375 -Bye. 770 00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:29,250 [ Keyboard clacking ] 771 00:36:29,250 --> 00:36:31,583 -Three. 772 00:36:31,583 --> 00:36:34,708 Three more sleeps until Christmas. 773 00:36:34,708 --> 00:36:38,125 -You gotta stop coming in here so early, man. 774 00:36:38,125 --> 00:36:41,125 -Maybe you shouldn't stay up so late 775 00:36:41,125 --> 00:36:44,375 smoking the devil's lettuce. 776 00:36:44,375 --> 00:36:47,125 Look at me. I'm Michelle. 777 00:36:47,125 --> 00:36:50,208 I love to smoke weed. 778 00:36:50,208 --> 00:36:53,833 I also do crack and cocaine. 779 00:36:54,875 --> 00:36:58,958 [ Jazz music playing ] 780 00:36:58,958 --> 00:37:00,583 -Hey, Dad? 781 00:37:00,583 --> 00:37:02,125 I was thinking today we could -- 782 00:37:02,125 --> 00:37:05,125 Oh, my God. 783 00:37:05,125 --> 00:37:06,958 What is happening? 784 00:37:06,958 --> 00:37:09,250 -What does it look like? 785 00:37:09,250 --> 00:37:11,875 -Yeah, but...why? 786 00:37:11,875 --> 00:37:14,625 -Because taking sexy pics is like planting a tree 787 00:37:14,625 --> 00:37:16,250 or buying a house. [ Camera shutter clicking ] 788 00:37:16,250 --> 00:37:17,750 -What does that even mean? 789 00:37:17,750 --> 00:37:20,083 -Best time to do it -- 10 years ago. 790 00:37:20,083 --> 00:37:22,583 Second best time -- right now. 791 00:37:22,583 --> 00:37:24,375 10:00 a.m. on a Sunday. 792 00:37:24,375 --> 00:37:26,250 -Okay. Uh... 793 00:37:29,125 --> 00:37:32,250 [ Air horn blows ] 794 00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:35,583 [ Air horn blows ] 795 00:37:35,583 --> 00:37:37,333 -What the hell is this? -It's an air horn, Dad. 796 00:37:37,333 --> 00:37:39,083 It's a beacon to millennials everywhere. 797 00:37:39,083 --> 00:37:41,125 -That's my people. 798 00:37:41,125 --> 00:37:43,458 -All right, we gotta get this place cleaned up. 799 00:37:43,458 --> 00:37:45,875 -Why? -So that every day isn't like 800 00:37:45,875 --> 00:37:47,833 living in a frat house full of hoarders. 801 00:37:47,833 --> 00:37:50,750 -We like being frat-house hoarders. 802 00:37:50,750 --> 00:37:54,125 -Okay, well, look, I've got a job for everybody. 803 00:37:54,125 --> 00:37:57,125 Where's Anj? -In her house, where she lives. 804 00:37:57,125 --> 00:38:00,833 -Well, I guess I have a job for you, too, then. 805 00:38:00,833 --> 00:38:03,208 -This is Sharon. And we are busy. 806 00:38:03,208 --> 00:38:05,458 -No, we are not. We can help. 807 00:38:05,458 --> 00:38:07,000 -Hi. I'm Michelle. 808 00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:09,125 -I've heard so much about you. -Oh, for God... 809 00:38:09,125 --> 00:38:12,750 -Can we please not be garbage people for one day? 810 00:38:12,750 --> 00:38:16,000 -We like being garbage people. 811 00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:17,875 It's our destiny. 812 00:38:17,875 --> 00:38:20,083 -Well, but you want a Christmas tree 813 00:38:20,083 --> 00:38:22,375 and presents and stuff, right? 814 00:38:22,375 --> 00:38:24,000 -Yeah. 815 00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:26,125 -Okay, well, there's nowhere to put one right now, 816 00:38:26,125 --> 00:38:28,833 so if you help me clean up, 817 00:38:28,833 --> 00:38:31,583 Dad and I promise we'll get you a Christmas tree. 818 00:38:31,583 --> 00:38:34,250 -Hmm. -Oh, come on, guys. 819 00:38:34,250 --> 00:38:36,000 You know she's right. 820 00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:39,875 -[ Laughs ] Okay. Okay. I'll do it! 821 00:38:39,875 --> 00:38:43,750 -Dad, are you in? 822 00:38:43,750 --> 00:38:47,083 -Well, I'm outnumbered and backed into a corner, 823 00:38:47,083 --> 00:38:48,125 so yeah. 824 00:38:48,125 --> 00:38:49,125 -Mm. 825 00:38:49,125 --> 00:38:51,625 [ Air horn blows ] 826 00:38:51,625 --> 00:38:52,833 -Fuck you! 827 00:38:52,833 --> 00:38:53,875 -♪ Hey ♪ 828 00:38:53,875 --> 00:38:56,000 [ Heavy metal music plays ] 829 00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:58,583 ♪♪ 830 00:38:58,583 --> 00:39:00,125 ♪ Whoo! ♪ 831 00:39:00,125 --> 00:39:04,458 ♪♪ 832 00:39:04,458 --> 00:39:07,250 ♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪ 833 00:39:07,250 --> 00:39:09,958 ♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪ 834 00:39:09,958 --> 00:39:12,833 ♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly ♪ 835 00:39:12,833 --> 00:39:15,625 ♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪ 836 00:39:15,625 --> 00:39:18,500 ♪ Don we know our gay apparel ♪ 837 00:39:18,500 --> 00:39:21,250 ♪ Fa la la, la la la, la la la la ♪ 838 00:39:21,250 --> 00:39:24,083 ♪ Troll the ancient Yuletide carol ♪ 839 00:39:24,083 --> 00:39:27,000 ♪ Fa la la, la la la, la la la la ♪ 840 00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:35,583 ♪♪ 841 00:39:35,583 --> 00:39:37,625 [ Guitar riff plays ] 842 00:39:37,625 --> 00:39:44,375 ♪♪ 843 00:39:44,375 --> 00:39:51,125 ♪♪ 844 00:39:51,125 --> 00:39:57,875 ♪♪ 845 00:39:57,875 --> 00:40:00,750 ♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪ 846 00:40:00,750 --> 00:40:03,583 ♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪ 847 00:40:03,583 --> 00:40:06,375 ♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly ♪ 848 00:40:06,375 --> 00:40:09,000 ♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪ 849 00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:12,000 ♪ Don we now our gay apparel ♪ 850 00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:14,875 ♪ Fa la la, la la la, la la la la ♪ 851 00:40:14,875 --> 00:40:17,750 ♪ Troll the ancient Yuletide carol ♪ 852 00:40:17,750 --> 00:40:20,750 ♪ Fa la la, la la la, la la la la ♪ 853 00:40:20,750 --> 00:40:24,208 ♪♪ 854 00:40:24,208 --> 00:40:26,500 -Is that where that thing's staying? 855 00:40:26,500 --> 00:40:28,375 -Yeah. -It's kind of low. 856 00:40:28,375 --> 00:40:29,833 -Well, you should easily be able to see it 857 00:40:29,833 --> 00:40:31,208 and walk around it. 858 00:40:31,208 --> 00:40:33,250 -It's huge. -Well, if it's so huge, 859 00:40:33,250 --> 00:40:34,875 it should be easy to avoid. 860 00:40:34,875 --> 00:40:36,333 -Okay. 861 00:40:36,333 --> 00:40:38,208 It's fine. No problem. 862 00:40:42,500 --> 00:40:44,375 -Hmm. 863 00:40:50,250 --> 00:40:53,250 -See you soon. -Have a great day. 864 00:40:56,375 --> 00:40:58,500 -Hey, can you give me a lift to the tree place? 865 00:40:58,500 --> 00:41:00,833 I'm not supposed to drive since the DUI. 866 00:41:00,833 --> 00:41:02,833 -[ Scoffs ] 867 00:41:02,833 --> 00:41:06,750 I think "by not supposed to," you mean "prohibited by law." 868 00:41:06,750 --> 00:41:08,125 -Yeah, whatever. 869 00:41:08,125 --> 00:41:10,250 [ Instrumental "Silent Night" plays ] 870 00:41:10,250 --> 00:41:13,000 ♪♪ 871 00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:15,250 -Dad is, uh... 872 00:41:15,250 --> 00:41:16,458 Is that woman a prostitute? 873 00:41:16,458 --> 00:41:20,250 -Hey, look at this tree here. 874 00:41:20,250 --> 00:41:21,875 -Dad. -Hmm? 875 00:41:21,875 --> 00:41:24,625 -Is that woman a prostitute? 876 00:41:24,625 --> 00:41:25,750 -Who? Sharon? 877 00:41:25,750 --> 00:41:27,250 -Yes, Sharon. 878 00:41:27,250 --> 00:41:29,750 -Oh, I wasn't sure who you were referring to 879 00:41:29,750 --> 00:41:32,000 because you didn't use her name. 880 00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:34,250 -Is Sharon a prostitute? 881 00:41:34,250 --> 00:41:35,500 -Sharon? 882 00:41:37,625 --> 00:41:39,000 I don't know. 883 00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:42,750 I mean, to me, she's, uh, 884 00:41:42,750 --> 00:41:46,083 more of a friend, I suppose. 885 00:41:46,083 --> 00:41:48,083 -Well, do you have sex with her? 886 00:41:48,083 --> 00:41:50,750 -Yeah. -Do you pay her cash? 887 00:41:50,750 --> 00:41:52,750 -Venmo. But sure. 888 00:41:52,750 --> 00:41:54,250 -Okay, well, then I think that you should know 889 00:41:54,250 --> 00:41:55,375 that your definition of a friend 890 00:41:55,375 --> 00:41:57,375 is the exact same as a prostitute. 891 00:41:57,375 --> 00:41:59,875 -She prefers the term sex worker. 892 00:41:59,875 --> 00:42:01,750 -Again with the sex worker. 893 00:42:01,750 --> 00:42:04,000 Look, Dad, I just don't think it's a good influence on Mark. 894 00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:06,500 -He's a grown man. -With developmental delays. 895 00:42:06,500 --> 00:42:08,333 -That is such a bullshit excuse. 896 00:42:08,333 --> 00:42:10,125 -I don't think I need an ironclad excuse 897 00:42:10,125 --> 00:42:12,125 to ask you to not be fucking hookers. 898 00:42:12,125 --> 00:42:14,625 -Hey, come on, man! Sex worker. 899 00:42:14,625 --> 00:42:16,708 -Around my brother with special needs. 900 00:42:16,708 --> 00:42:19,958 -Well, you've suddenly become big on family values. 901 00:42:19,958 --> 00:42:21,125 For someone who stopped coming home 902 00:42:21,125 --> 00:42:22,875 for Christmas for no reason. 903 00:42:22,875 --> 00:42:25,375 -Do you know what you said to me last time I was here? 904 00:42:25,375 --> 00:42:27,250 Quote, "Enough with the comedy thing. 905 00:42:27,250 --> 00:42:29,833 Time to do something real." -I never said that. 906 00:42:29,833 --> 00:42:32,000 -The fuck you didn't! [ Woman gasps ] 907 00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:35,000 -Sorry. She's from Los Angeles. 908 00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:36,750 -So I said, you know what? 909 00:42:36,750 --> 00:42:38,833 I'm not gonna go home until I can prove him wrong. 910 00:42:38,833 --> 00:42:40,500 -Well, you're here. You've done it. 911 00:42:40,500 --> 00:42:42,500 -No, Dad. 912 00:42:42,500 --> 00:42:45,625 I didn't do it. 913 00:42:45,625 --> 00:42:48,750 I do shitty improv gigs for 150 bucks. 914 00:42:48,750 --> 00:42:50,583 I live in a tiny apartment. 915 00:42:50,583 --> 00:42:51,875 You were right. 916 00:42:51,875 --> 00:42:54,958 That's what makes me so fucking mad. 917 00:42:54,958 --> 00:42:56,875 But I'm close. 918 00:42:56,875 --> 00:43:00,750 Like, closer than I've ever been before. 919 00:43:00,750 --> 00:43:02,750 And I just want everybody to be okay 920 00:43:02,750 --> 00:43:05,625 and to have Merry Christmas. 921 00:43:05,625 --> 00:43:07,875 But I'm worried about you guys. 922 00:43:07,875 --> 00:43:09,458 I just don't have space in my life 923 00:43:09,458 --> 00:43:11,125 to take care of you and Mark. I just don't. 924 00:43:11,125 --> 00:43:13,833 -We're fine. Okay? 925 00:43:13,833 --> 00:43:17,708 Michelle, you really gotta get your shit together. 926 00:43:17,708 --> 00:43:21,333 ♪♪ 927 00:43:21,333 --> 00:43:23,583 Hey, my man! 928 00:43:23,583 --> 00:43:25,625 We want this tree. -That one? 929 00:43:25,625 --> 00:43:30,083 That's a crappiest tree on the lot, but it's all yours. 930 00:43:30,083 --> 00:43:32,333 ♪♪ 931 00:43:34,750 --> 00:43:36,583 [ Car door slams ] 932 00:43:39,833 --> 00:43:44,500 -Hey, that's the weirdest, most pathetic little tree 933 00:43:44,500 --> 00:43:46,458 I've ever seen in my life! 934 00:43:46,458 --> 00:43:48,083 -Up yours, Larry! 935 00:43:48,083 --> 00:43:50,000 Weird things need a home, too, 936 00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:52,375 you steaming sack of shit. 937 00:43:52,375 --> 00:43:53,875 -Good to see you, Larry. 938 00:43:53,875 --> 00:43:57,750 -Bye! Hope your home is marked by plague. 939 00:43:57,750 --> 00:44:02,583 -♪ It came upon a midnight clear ♪ 940 00:44:02,583 --> 00:44:04,000 -Hey, it's Phil. You know what to do. 941 00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:05,750 -[ Sighs heavily ] -Leave a message. 942 00:44:05,750 --> 00:44:09,708 -♪ That glorious song of old ♪ 943 00:44:09,708 --> 00:44:11,875 -This place looks so great. -Yeah, I know. 944 00:44:11,875 --> 00:44:13,958 It should be easy to get it listed now. 945 00:44:13,958 --> 00:44:16,875 -Yeah. We just have to get Dad on board. 946 00:44:16,875 --> 00:44:18,208 -Yeah, I'll talk to him again. 947 00:44:18,208 --> 00:44:20,708 I just gotta find the right moment. 948 00:44:20,708 --> 00:44:23,000 -So... 949 00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:25,125 any luck with my screenplay? 950 00:44:25,125 --> 00:44:28,375 -What? Oh, no. 951 00:44:28,375 --> 00:44:30,750 -I'd just love any notes you might have. 952 00:44:30,750 --> 00:44:33,333 -Oh, yeah? -Well, not notes per se, 953 00:44:33,333 --> 00:44:34,750 because it's completely done, 954 00:44:34,750 --> 00:44:36,625 and I'm not open to making any more changes, 955 00:44:36,625 --> 00:44:39,583 but I'd love any positive feedback. 956 00:44:39,583 --> 00:44:42,250 -Yeah, I'll, uh, read it as soon as I get a chance. 957 00:44:42,250 --> 00:44:44,375 What's the genre? 958 00:44:44,375 --> 00:44:46,625 -It's a powerful family drama, 959 00:44:46,625 --> 00:44:49,458 but with as many laughs as a straight-up comedy. 960 00:44:49,458 --> 00:44:50,750 -Cool. 961 00:44:50,750 --> 00:44:53,250 -It's the first part of a trilogy. 962 00:44:53,250 --> 00:44:54,875 -Ambitious. 963 00:44:54,875 --> 00:44:56,500 -Think you might get a chance to read it tonight? 964 00:44:56,500 --> 00:44:59,000 Please? -Oh, no, I-I can't tonight. 965 00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:02,250 I'm gonna -- I'm gonna try to call and meet with my agent. 966 00:45:02,250 --> 00:45:05,375 -I've been meaning to ask you -- what's your agent like? 967 00:45:05,375 --> 00:45:06,958 -I don't know. 968 00:45:06,958 --> 00:45:08,833 I mean, he just basically gets me, like, auditions 969 00:45:08,833 --> 00:45:12,125 for bit parts and shows about cops and doctors. 970 00:45:12,125 --> 00:45:13,833 -Oh, like procedurals and stuff? 971 00:45:13,833 --> 00:45:18,208 -Like, imagine any show that has an action sequence 972 00:45:18,208 --> 00:45:20,750 set to music by the end. 973 00:45:20,750 --> 00:45:23,458 -[ Chuckles ] You can't make a show good 974 00:45:23,458 --> 00:45:25,208 just by adding a song or whatever. 975 00:45:25,208 --> 00:45:27,083 -Totally. It's like, "Oh, no, we don't have 976 00:45:27,083 --> 00:45:29,458 a dramatic climax for the story, so, uh, 977 00:45:29,458 --> 00:45:30,833 let's do some slow-mo music." 978 00:45:30,833 --> 00:45:32,500 -[ Laughs ] It's so dumb! 979 00:45:32,500 --> 00:45:34,250 -Yeah, the industry is totally fucked. 980 00:45:34,250 --> 00:45:35,875 I was watching "Handmaid's Tale," 981 00:45:35,875 --> 00:45:37,875 and then a commercial for Weight Watchers came on. 982 00:45:37,875 --> 00:45:39,375 -Ew. 983 00:45:39,375 --> 00:45:41,375 Why were you watching with commercials? 984 00:45:41,375 --> 00:45:43,083 -That's just the glamorous life 985 00:45:43,083 --> 00:45:45,708 of being a struggling comedian in Los Angeles, I guess. 986 00:45:45,708 --> 00:45:47,250 -You could always come back to Atlanta 987 00:45:47,250 --> 00:45:49,458 to do shows, you know. -Yeah, right. 988 00:45:49,458 --> 00:45:51,625 -Plus, you know, help out with family stuff. 989 00:45:51,625 --> 00:45:53,708 -Yeah, well, I'm just here to get everybody settled, 990 00:45:53,708 --> 00:45:55,583 and then I'm back to LA. 991 00:45:55,583 --> 00:45:58,875 -Well, we're cheering for you. 992 00:45:58,875 --> 00:46:01,750 -There actually is something... 993 00:46:01,750 --> 00:46:04,458 potentially big, maybe. 994 00:46:04,458 --> 00:46:05,833 -There you go! 995 00:46:05,833 --> 00:46:07,625 And you know what? You're gonna get it. 996 00:46:07,625 --> 00:46:09,500 And you want to know why? 997 00:46:09,500 --> 00:46:12,250 Because you're talented as hell. 998 00:46:14,625 --> 00:46:16,500 -That's really kind. 999 00:46:19,625 --> 00:46:22,458 I'm gonna -- I'm gonna go try to crash out early. 1000 00:46:23,708 --> 00:46:26,250 -Okay. 1001 00:46:26,250 --> 00:46:29,208 Good night. -Good night. 1002 00:46:29,208 --> 00:46:32,125 -Uh, let me know if you get a chance to read my screen... 1003 00:46:32,125 --> 00:46:38,000 ♪♪ 1004 00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:39,458 [ Line ringing ] 1005 00:46:39,458 --> 00:46:41,958 -[ Sighs ] 1006 00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:46,875 -Hey, it's Phil. You know what to do. 1007 00:46:46,875 --> 00:46:48,750 Leave a message. 1008 00:46:48,750 --> 00:46:51,083 [ Down-tempo music plays ] 1009 00:46:51,083 --> 00:46:59,250 ♪♪ 1010 00:46:59,250 --> 00:47:07,500 ♪♪ 1011 00:47:07,500 --> 00:47:15,750 ♪♪ 1012 00:47:15,750 --> 00:47:24,000 ♪♪ 1013 00:47:24,000 --> 00:47:25,750 -[ Exhales ] 1014 00:47:25,750 --> 00:47:30,208 ♪♪ 1015 00:47:30,208 --> 00:47:31,875 [ Exhales ] 1016 00:47:31,875 --> 00:47:37,583 ♪♪ 1017 00:47:37,583 --> 00:47:39,625 -Two more sleeps. 1018 00:47:39,625 --> 00:47:42,875 -I was just dreaming about a very satisfying romance 1019 00:47:42,875 --> 00:47:45,125 with a gingerbread man. 1020 00:47:45,125 --> 00:47:49,208 [ Cellphone vibrates ] 1021 00:47:49,208 --> 00:47:51,208 I gotta get this. Get out. 1022 00:47:53,250 --> 00:47:55,000 Phil? -Michelle, it's Phil. 1023 00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:57,125 -Yeah, I know. Did you get my stuff? 1024 00:47:57,125 --> 00:47:59,250 -Yeah, and I sent it along, 1025 00:47:59,250 --> 00:48:02,625 and I gotta say... they loved you! 1026 00:48:02,625 --> 00:48:04,458 -Really? -Yeah! 1027 00:48:04,458 --> 00:48:06,375 They wouldn't shut up about you. 1028 00:48:06,375 --> 00:48:08,875 They kept going on about how amazing you were. 1029 00:48:08,875 --> 00:48:10,833 It was the best audition they've ever seen. 1030 00:48:10,833 --> 00:48:12,250 -Well, that's good, right? 1031 00:48:12,250 --> 00:48:15,708 -It's fantastic. It's unbelievable. 1032 00:48:15,708 --> 00:48:17,250 It's incredible. 1033 00:48:17,250 --> 00:48:19,458 But they did ultimately decide to go with, uh, 1034 00:48:19,458 --> 00:48:22,083 this TikTok star called, uh, Karen Cassady. 1035 00:48:22,083 --> 00:48:24,958 She's in her 30s, bit of a better look. 1036 00:48:24,958 --> 00:48:26,750 Uh, I mean, I looked her up, 1037 00:48:26,750 --> 00:48:29,000 and she is beautiful and super funny, 1038 00:48:29,000 --> 00:48:31,583 so, you know, no shame in losing to Michael Jordan. 1039 00:48:31,583 --> 00:48:33,250 Right? But, hey, you know what? 1040 00:48:33,250 --> 00:48:35,375 We'll get the next prime-time, uh, 1041 00:48:35,375 --> 00:48:37,625 sketch show on network TV. 1042 00:48:37,625 --> 00:48:40,000 You know, there's like a million of these things... 1043 00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:42,333 [ Sad music plays ] 1044 00:48:42,333 --> 00:48:47,625 ♪♪ 1045 00:48:47,625 --> 00:48:50,375 [ Spoon tapping ] 1046 00:48:55,333 --> 00:48:57,625 [ Spraying ] 1047 00:48:58,875 --> 00:49:01,333 -[ Scoffs ] 1048 00:49:01,333 --> 00:49:05,000 You know that's got like a million calories, right? 1049 00:49:05,000 --> 00:49:07,250 -I like it! 1050 00:49:07,250 --> 00:49:09,125 -Hey, hon, 1051 00:49:09,125 --> 00:49:12,125 I ever tell you my story about my friend Michael Buddle? 1052 00:49:12,125 --> 00:49:13,500 -Not today. 1053 00:49:13,500 --> 00:49:16,875 -Oh! The lady emerged from slumber. 1054 00:49:16,875 --> 00:49:18,500 -No! 1055 00:49:18,500 --> 00:49:21,208 -I am taking two Xanax and I'm going back to bed. 1056 00:49:21,208 --> 00:49:22,708 I will see you all tomorrow. 1057 00:49:22,708 --> 00:49:25,833 -It's 11:30 in the morning. 1058 00:49:25,833 --> 00:49:27,625 -Good night. 1059 00:49:27,625 --> 00:49:30,083 [ Down-tempo music plays ] 1060 00:49:30,083 --> 00:49:33,625 ♪♪ 1061 00:49:33,625 --> 00:49:36,125 [ Paper ripping ] 1062 00:49:36,125 --> 00:49:39,208 -Only one sleep left till Christmas. 1063 00:49:39,208 --> 00:49:41,625 -Just gotta give me one morning 1064 00:49:41,625 --> 00:49:43,125 where this isn't how I wake up. 1065 00:49:43,125 --> 00:49:45,583 -You want to sing our Christmas song? 1066 00:49:45,583 --> 00:49:48,000 -No, Mark, I just woke up. 1067 00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:49,750 -Oh. 1068 00:49:49,750 --> 00:49:54,750 Dad says you can have this -- this thing if you want. 1069 00:49:54,750 --> 00:49:58,125 -Oh. -Christmas is finally here! 1070 00:49:58,125 --> 00:50:00,375 Santa rules! 1071 00:50:00,375 --> 00:50:02,500 -Jesus Christ. 1072 00:50:02,500 --> 00:50:05,000 [ Sighs ] 1073 00:50:05,000 --> 00:50:13,375 ♪♪ 1074 00:50:13,375 --> 00:50:21,750 ♪♪ 1075 00:50:21,750 --> 00:50:30,125 ♪♪ 1076 00:50:30,125 --> 00:50:38,500 ♪♪ 1077 00:50:38,500 --> 00:50:41,250 [ Sighs ] 1078 00:50:41,250 --> 00:50:48,750 ♪♪ 1079 00:50:48,750 --> 00:50:51,708 [ Television playing indistinctly ] 1080 00:50:51,708 --> 00:50:53,125 Hey, bud. 1081 00:50:53,125 --> 00:50:54,875 What are we thinking for Christmas dinner? 1082 00:50:54,875 --> 00:50:56,583 You know, we should probably make a list 1083 00:50:56,583 --> 00:51:00,958 and get to the store before it gets too busy and... 1084 00:51:00,958 --> 00:51:03,875 [ Woman moans ] 1085 00:51:03,875 --> 00:51:05,625 What is going on? 1086 00:51:05,625 --> 00:51:08,625 -What? -This is not okay, Mark. 1087 00:51:08,625 --> 00:51:10,500 -[ Sighs ] What the hell's going on? 1088 00:51:10,500 --> 00:51:11,625 -This. 1089 00:51:11,625 --> 00:51:13,000 This is going on. 1090 00:51:13,000 --> 00:51:14,625 -Oh. It's fine. 1091 00:51:14,625 --> 00:51:16,625 -Yeah, it's fine. 1092 00:51:16,625 --> 00:51:19,958 -In what world is this not a big deal? 1093 00:51:19,958 --> 00:51:21,250 -This world. -Mark! 1094 00:51:21,250 --> 00:51:24,000 -There is no yelling in this house! 1095 00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:26,833 -You are supposed to be setting boundaries for Mark. 1096 00:51:26,833 --> 00:51:29,125 This is completely inappropriate. 1097 00:51:29,125 --> 00:51:31,000 -And you don't shame him. 1098 00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:32,500 He's exploring his sexuality. 1099 00:51:32,500 --> 00:51:35,875 -He's watching porn on the family television. 1100 00:51:35,875 --> 00:51:39,250 -You do not get to waltz in here and make him feel bad 1101 00:51:39,250 --> 00:51:41,375 for doing something that's completely natural. 1102 00:51:41,375 --> 00:51:43,000 -Natural? Yeah. 1103 00:51:43,000 --> 00:51:46,833 Yeah. Animals watch each other have sex all the time. 1104 00:51:46,833 --> 00:51:50,000 I love a good old-fashioned squirrel gangbang, Dad! 1105 00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:53,000 -In this house, we are allowed to do anything we want 1106 00:51:53,000 --> 00:51:54,458 as long as we're not hurting anyone. 1107 00:51:54,458 --> 00:51:57,333 -Yeah, we do what we want. -Okay, great. 1108 00:51:57,333 --> 00:51:58,750 Well, you know what I want to do? 1109 00:51:58,750 --> 00:52:01,833 This. This is what I want to do. 1110 00:52:01,833 --> 00:52:04,125 Don't fucking hurt anybody. 1111 00:52:05,833 --> 00:52:07,250 This! See? 1112 00:52:07,250 --> 00:52:09,750 I'm not hurting anybody, am I?! 1113 00:52:11,125 --> 00:52:13,250 [ Grunting and stomping ] 1114 00:52:18,625 --> 00:52:21,458 There you go. System works. 1115 00:52:21,458 --> 00:52:23,625 Do whatever you want. 1116 00:52:27,500 --> 00:52:30,708 -I want to watch porn. 1117 00:52:30,708 --> 00:52:32,375 -Well, you can't. 1118 00:52:32,375 --> 00:52:34,625 'Cause the Grinch here destroys 1119 00:52:34,625 --> 00:52:37,083 everything that makes us happy. 1120 00:52:37,083 --> 00:52:41,250 -Well, maybe the Grinch wouldn't be so mean 1121 00:52:41,250 --> 00:52:43,750 if the Who people weren't constantly singing about 1122 00:52:43,750 --> 00:52:45,458 what a piece of shit he is! 1123 00:52:45,458 --> 00:52:48,000 -That's a really good point. 1124 00:52:48,000 --> 00:52:49,875 -I am leaving 1125 00:52:49,875 --> 00:52:52,250 while I still have my dignity. 1126 00:52:58,125 --> 00:53:00,458 -Hard to believe she's still single. 1127 00:53:00,458 --> 00:53:02,375 [ Door slams ] 1128 00:53:02,375 --> 00:53:06,000 -Aah! Fucking damn it! 1129 00:53:06,000 --> 00:53:07,458 [ Grunts ] 1130 00:53:10,000 --> 00:53:11,125 Fuck. 1131 00:53:11,125 --> 00:53:13,083 -[ Deep voice ] Ho, ho, ho! 1132 00:53:13,083 --> 00:53:16,000 You're gonna wind up on the naughty list, little girl. 1133 00:53:16,000 --> 00:53:19,250 -Just...give me a break. 1134 00:53:19,250 --> 00:53:21,625 -[ Normal voice ] I brought my stuff so I can spend the night. 1135 00:53:21,625 --> 00:53:23,375 Just like old times. 1136 00:53:23,375 --> 00:53:25,000 -I'll be in in a minute. 1137 00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:26,708 -Oh, how'd that thing with your agent turn out? 1138 00:53:26,708 --> 00:53:30,083 -Terrible. -Oh, shit. Sorry. 1139 00:53:30,083 --> 00:53:33,375 I guess you won't be in slow motion anytime soon, huh? 1140 00:53:33,375 --> 00:53:34,708 [ Laughs ] 1141 00:53:34,708 --> 00:53:38,000 [ Deep voice ] I'm in sloooooooooow 1142 00:53:38,000 --> 00:53:39,625 motion. 1143 00:53:39,625 --> 00:53:43,083 I brought my baaag. 1144 00:53:45,375 --> 00:53:48,125 [ Normal voice ] Okay. 1145 00:53:48,125 --> 00:53:49,500 [ Deep voice ] See you inside. 1146 00:53:49,583 --> 00:53:51,208 [ Normal voice ] See you inside. 1147 00:53:55,875 --> 00:53:57,875 [ Door opens ] 1148 00:53:57,875 --> 00:54:01,000 Damn. What happened to the cable box? 1149 00:54:01,000 --> 00:54:04,375 -Hey, you still using that star decoration, 1150 00:54:04,375 --> 00:54:06,125 or can I have it? 1151 00:54:06,125 --> 00:54:08,250 Unless it's too broken, 'cause then I don't want it. 1152 00:54:08,250 --> 00:54:13,833 -I just want to have a nice Christmas, Larry. 1153 00:54:13,833 --> 00:54:16,500 Is that too much to ask? 1154 00:54:16,500 --> 00:54:19,500 I don't fucking think so. 1155 00:54:19,500 --> 00:54:23,375 So I'm gonna let this fuel me, Larry. 1156 00:54:23,375 --> 00:54:26,583 I'm gonna let this power me through 1157 00:54:26,583 --> 00:54:29,750 to make a nice fucking dinner 1158 00:54:29,750 --> 00:54:34,375 so we can have one happy memory 1159 00:54:34,375 --> 00:54:38,208 to stack up against the mountain 1160 00:54:38,208 --> 00:54:40,375 of bullshit, Larry. 1161 00:54:40,375 --> 00:54:43,708 Do you hear me? 1162 00:54:43,708 --> 00:54:45,833 -I didn't hear a single word you said. 1163 00:54:45,833 --> 00:54:49,000 Yeah, I lost most of my hearing to, uh, polio. 1164 00:54:49,000 --> 00:54:50,875 My parents let me have it. 1165 00:54:50,875 --> 00:54:52,458 Can I get the star decoration, though? 1166 00:54:52,458 --> 00:54:54,333 Do you mind tossing it over the fence? 1167 00:54:54,333 --> 00:54:57,875 I'm really tired from stripping copper piping from the hospital. 1168 00:54:57,875 --> 00:54:59,750 Where are you going? 1169 00:54:59,750 --> 00:55:04,500 [ "O Come All Ye Faithful" plays ] 1170 00:55:04,500 --> 00:55:08,125 -♪ Joyful and triumphant ♪ 1171 00:55:08,125 --> 00:55:15,125 ♪ O come ye, O come ye to Bethlehem ♪ 1172 00:55:15,125 --> 00:55:19,458 -So obviously no pressure or anything, but... 1173 00:55:19,458 --> 00:55:21,750 any chance you've gotten to read my screenplay yet? 1174 00:55:21,750 --> 00:55:24,208 -Oh, no, sorry. I haven't gotten to it yet. 1175 00:55:24,208 --> 00:55:26,375 -Oh, of course. No worries. 1176 00:55:28,375 --> 00:55:30,625 Do you think you'll read it tonight or...? 1177 00:55:30,625 --> 00:55:32,708 -Oh, um... 1178 00:55:32,708 --> 00:55:34,833 I don't know. Maybe. 1179 00:55:34,833 --> 00:55:36,750 -'Cause I'm just super excited for you to read it. 1180 00:55:36,750 --> 00:55:38,458 -Yeah, no, I know. 1181 00:55:42,250 --> 00:55:44,125 You know, I'd probably be reading it now 1182 00:55:44,125 --> 00:55:46,208 if I didn't have to get dinner ready. 1183 00:55:46,208 --> 00:55:48,625 -Really? -Yeah, of course. 1184 00:55:48,625 --> 00:55:52,750 -Oh, well, then I-I can take care of dinner from here. 1185 00:55:52,750 --> 00:55:54,625 -Oh, no, it's too much. 1186 00:55:54,625 --> 00:55:56,458 -No, seriously. 1187 00:55:56,458 --> 00:55:57,958 I got it from here on out, 1188 00:55:57,958 --> 00:56:00,375 if you want to go give it a read. 1189 00:56:00,375 --> 00:56:03,625 -Uh, um... 1190 00:56:03,625 --> 00:56:06,583 Okay. 1191 00:56:06,583 --> 00:56:08,750 -Awesome. 1192 00:56:08,750 --> 00:56:10,583 -Uh... 1193 00:56:10,583 --> 00:56:12,250 Sounds good. 1194 00:56:12,250 --> 00:56:13,750 All right. 1195 00:56:13,750 --> 00:56:15,125 Here I go. 1196 00:56:15,125 --> 00:56:18,333 -♪ O come let us adore Him ♪ 1197 00:56:18,333 --> 00:56:19,958 ♪ O come ♪ [ Thud ] 1198 00:56:19,958 --> 00:56:23,875 -"The Pennyworth Chronicles Volume One." 1199 00:56:25,250 --> 00:56:27,875 -[ Sighs ] God help me. 1200 00:56:30,750 --> 00:56:34,125 198 pages? 1201 00:56:34,125 --> 00:56:36,375 For fuck's sake. 1202 00:56:38,625 --> 00:56:40,250 Oh. 1203 00:56:42,333 --> 00:56:44,750 -[ British accent ] "It was no normal house 1204 00:56:44,750 --> 00:56:46,500 that the Pennyworths had built 1205 00:56:46,500 --> 00:56:49,958 atop that hill in the middle of London. 1206 00:56:49,958 --> 00:56:57,375 But mind you, the Pennyworths were no normal family. 1207 00:56:57,375 --> 00:56:59,125 Love? 1208 00:56:59,125 --> 00:57:01,250 Oh, I don't know. 1209 00:57:01,250 --> 00:57:03,333 What is love, really, 1210 00:57:03,333 --> 00:57:07,000 but a four-letter word for pain? 1211 00:57:09,625 --> 00:57:11,500 Ladies and gentlemen, 1212 00:57:11,500 --> 00:57:17,000 I present to you the mystery of electromagnetics. 1213 00:57:18,625 --> 00:57:21,833 And as the rain pours down on the hull of the spaceship 1214 00:57:21,833 --> 00:57:25,458 where they stand, he kisses her gently, 1215 00:57:25,458 --> 00:57:30,750 but in a rush, like the waves kiss the beach on a calm day. 1216 00:57:30,750 --> 00:57:35,625 Waves that made her vagina tingle. 1217 00:57:35,625 --> 00:57:39,875 It was the house. It was always the house. 1218 00:57:39,875 --> 00:57:42,500 The secret wasn't in the house. 1219 00:57:42,500 --> 00:57:47,375 The secret was the house. 1220 00:57:47,375 --> 00:57:49,708 And as the children watched the forest burn 1221 00:57:49,708 --> 00:57:53,625 along with their dreams, the flames lighting their faces 1222 00:57:53,625 --> 00:57:56,625 like the lamps on an ancient stage, 1223 00:57:56,625 --> 00:58:00,083 they knew that the worst of them had the most to lose, 1224 00:58:00,083 --> 00:58:03,000 but the best of them would never let go. 1225 00:58:03,000 --> 00:58:05,375 And somewhere in between, 1226 00:58:05,375 --> 00:58:08,125 they finally answered the question -- 1227 00:58:08,125 --> 00:58:11,625 What is a Penny truly Worth?" 1228 00:58:11,625 --> 00:58:13,500 -[ Sniffles ] 1229 00:58:13,500 --> 00:58:16,625 -[ Softly ] "Fin." 1230 00:58:16,625 --> 00:58:20,583 -It's the best thing I've ever read. 1231 00:58:20,583 --> 00:58:22,500 What the fuck?! 1232 00:58:28,083 --> 00:58:30,125 -Done already? 1233 00:58:30,125 --> 00:58:31,375 It takes most people four hours 1234 00:58:31,375 --> 00:58:34,125 because I rarely use paragraph breaks. 1235 00:58:34,125 --> 00:58:37,500 -It's really good. -[ Gasps ] 1236 00:58:37,500 --> 00:58:39,458 Well, did you think it was too much 1237 00:58:39,458 --> 00:58:41,625 how I turned the twins into cyborgs? 1238 00:58:41,625 --> 00:58:43,375 -No, it's perfect. 1239 00:58:43,375 --> 00:58:48,000 You broke all the rules and still made something... 1240 00:58:48,000 --> 00:58:49,208 amazing. 1241 00:58:49,208 --> 00:58:51,583 -I'm so glad you liked it. 1242 00:58:51,583 --> 00:58:54,750 And dinner's almost ready. 1243 00:58:54,750 --> 00:58:56,500 You look so pretty. 1244 00:58:56,500 --> 00:58:59,375 -Oh. Thanks. 1245 00:58:59,375 --> 00:59:01,625 I'm gonna go set the table. 1246 00:59:06,625 --> 00:59:09,875 [ Techno music playing through headphones ] 1247 00:59:09,875 --> 00:59:11,583 You're setting the table? 1248 00:59:11,583 --> 00:59:14,125 -Gotta make things look nice for dinner. 1249 00:59:14,125 --> 00:59:15,458 Duh. 1250 00:59:15,458 --> 00:59:18,083 -Okay, good. I'm gonna go get Dad. 1251 00:59:21,250 --> 00:59:23,250 [ Down-tempo music plays ] 1252 00:59:23,250 --> 00:59:32,458 ♪♪ 1253 00:59:32,458 --> 00:59:41,625 ♪♪ 1254 00:59:41,625 --> 00:59:50,750 ♪♪ 1255 00:59:50,750 --> 00:59:59,958 ♪♪ 1256 00:59:59,958 --> 01:00:09,125 ♪♪ 1257 01:00:09,125 --> 01:00:10,625 -Oh, hey. -Hey. 1258 01:00:10,625 --> 01:00:13,000 -Oh, hey, can you lift this up here for me? 1259 01:00:13,000 --> 01:00:16,250 -Yeah. 1260 01:00:16,250 --> 01:00:18,583 Dinner's ready. -Oh, excellent. 1261 01:00:18,583 --> 01:00:21,458 I am going to go ham on some turkey. 1262 01:00:21,458 --> 01:00:23,000 [ Chuckles ] 1263 01:00:24,625 --> 01:00:26,375 -Hey, Dad, uh... 1264 01:00:28,625 --> 01:00:31,750 About earlier... 1265 01:00:31,750 --> 01:00:34,125 I'm sorry. 1266 01:00:34,125 --> 01:00:37,625 It's not up to me what you do, 1267 01:00:37,625 --> 01:00:39,333 what either of you guys do. 1268 01:00:39,333 --> 01:00:41,500 It's just... 1269 01:00:41,500 --> 01:00:42,875 [sighs] I don't know. 1270 01:00:42,875 --> 01:00:44,375 I think I'm just putting my shit onto you, 1271 01:00:44,375 --> 01:00:47,958 and I'm not even here anymore. 1272 01:00:47,958 --> 01:00:49,875 That's not fair. 1273 01:00:49,875 --> 01:00:52,500 I shouldn't be like that. 1274 01:00:52,500 --> 01:00:56,375 I guess I just miss you guys, and I'm afraid you and Mark 1275 01:00:56,375 --> 01:00:59,875 are gonna devolve into a "Grey Gardens" situation 1276 01:00:59,875 --> 01:01:01,750 if I don't do something. 1277 01:01:01,750 --> 01:01:05,208 [ Voice breaking ] And I'm afraid I'm wasting my life 1278 01:01:05,208 --> 01:01:06,875 and I don't know what to do anymore. 1279 01:01:06,875 --> 01:01:09,500 And I just, um... 1280 01:01:09,500 --> 01:01:12,000 I don't want to fight with you. I'm sorry. 1281 01:01:12,000 --> 01:01:14,125 -Hey, hey, come on. 1282 01:01:20,458 --> 01:01:22,125 -[ Sighs ] 1283 01:01:31,833 --> 01:01:35,250 -Hey, about -- about this morning with the TV thing, 1284 01:01:35,250 --> 01:01:36,875 the -- the porn thing. -You don't have to -- 1285 01:01:36,875 --> 01:01:39,875 -Oh, no, I'm not gonna apologize. 1286 01:01:39,875 --> 01:01:41,375 -Okay. 1287 01:01:41,375 --> 01:01:43,875 -I just want to tell you a story. 1288 01:01:43,875 --> 01:01:46,833 -All right. 1289 01:01:46,833 --> 01:01:48,500 -Yeah. Uh... 1290 01:01:52,500 --> 01:01:56,375 When your mom was pregnant with Mark, 1291 01:01:56,375 --> 01:02:00,125 um, you girls were still very little, 1292 01:02:00,125 --> 01:02:02,583 and... 1293 01:02:02,583 --> 01:02:06,625 doctors were just starting to test for the genetic markers 1294 01:02:06,625 --> 01:02:11,333 for conditions like what Mark has. 1295 01:02:11,333 --> 01:02:15,250 So, uh, we had some routine tests. 1296 01:02:15,250 --> 01:02:18,958 Then, uh, we were brought back for some more, 1297 01:02:18,958 --> 01:02:23,375 and then we were brought back for even more. 1298 01:02:23,375 --> 01:02:27,750 Till finally, uh, this doctor comes in and he goes, 1299 01:02:27,750 --> 01:02:30,000 "I'm sorry. 1300 01:02:30,000 --> 01:02:32,500 The results are in. 1301 01:02:32,500 --> 01:02:35,500 Your baby has a developmental disability. 1302 01:02:35,500 --> 01:02:37,958 I'm really sorry." 1303 01:02:42,000 --> 01:02:44,958 And I remember he just kept saying he was sorry. 1304 01:02:52,083 --> 01:02:54,833 And then... 1305 01:02:54,833 --> 01:03:00,000 he told us to prepare to terminate the pregnancy. 1306 01:03:00,000 --> 01:03:03,708 -Oh, my God. -Yeah. 1307 01:03:03,708 --> 01:03:05,375 Yeah. 1308 01:03:07,208 --> 01:03:10,250 It was right then I knew I was not gonna let my son 1309 01:03:10,250 --> 01:03:14,250 apologize for his life, ever. 1310 01:03:15,958 --> 01:03:18,375 He's not sorry. I'm not sorry. 1311 01:03:18,375 --> 01:03:20,208 Nobody needs to be sorry. 1312 01:03:20,208 --> 01:03:23,583 There's not a fucking thing to be sorry about. 1313 01:03:23,583 --> 01:03:25,250 -What'd you say to the doctor? 1314 01:03:25,250 --> 01:03:27,375 -I told him to go back to Nazi Germany 1315 01:03:27,375 --> 01:03:29,625 with his final-solution bullshit. 1316 01:03:29,625 --> 01:03:31,875 [ Chuckles ] 1317 01:03:31,875 --> 01:03:34,083 Then I punched him in the clavicle. 1318 01:03:34,083 --> 01:03:36,208 -[ Laughs ] The clavicle? -Yeah. It's a stunt movie. 1319 01:03:36,208 --> 01:03:38,875 Oh, it was a beauty. I wish you'd been there. 1320 01:03:42,875 --> 01:03:47,250 I am just so goddamn proud of you little fuckers. 1321 01:03:47,250 --> 01:03:50,208 The three of you are the best, 1322 01:03:50,208 --> 01:03:55,333 the best thing that's ever happened to me. 1323 01:03:55,333 --> 01:03:56,833 And with the comedy thing, 1324 01:03:56,833 --> 01:04:01,083 I-I know you're not where you want to be. 1325 01:04:01,083 --> 01:04:02,708 I am so proud of you. 1326 01:04:05,083 --> 01:04:06,750 -Thanks, Dad. 1327 01:04:10,083 --> 01:04:13,083 -And, uh, I know you don't want to take my advice. 1328 01:04:13,083 --> 01:04:14,875 -That's not true. 1329 01:04:14,875 --> 01:04:17,125 No. Yeah, that's totally true. 1330 01:04:17,125 --> 01:04:19,583 -Yeah, well, listen. 1331 01:04:19,583 --> 01:04:23,583 Do not let anyone control your happiness. 1332 01:04:23,583 --> 01:04:28,000 Okay? Once you do, they've got you. 1333 01:04:28,000 --> 01:04:29,125 -Okay. 1334 01:04:30,333 --> 01:04:32,375 -Okay. 1335 01:04:32,375 --> 01:04:34,875 -[ Sniffles ] 1336 01:04:38,708 --> 01:04:41,083 You know you gotta sell the house, Dad. 1337 01:04:45,958 --> 01:04:47,083 -[ Exhales ] 1338 01:04:47,083 --> 01:04:49,000 I know. 1339 01:04:51,375 --> 01:04:53,250 I know. 1340 01:04:58,875 --> 01:05:01,750 Hey, what do you say we, uh, 1341 01:05:01,750 --> 01:05:04,250 we go shotgun some cranberry sauce? 1342 01:05:04,250 --> 01:05:06,125 -[ Chuckles ] Okay. -Okay. 1343 01:05:08,208 --> 01:05:10,750 [ Door opens ] 1344 01:05:10,750 --> 01:05:13,750 [ Mid-tempo music plays ] 1345 01:05:13,750 --> 01:05:16,833 And so then the guy says, "Doc, how long do I have 1346 01:05:16,833 --> 01:05:18,375 to stop masturbating?" And the doctor says, 1347 01:05:18,375 --> 01:05:20,375 "Well, at least till I finish the examination." 1348 01:05:20,375 --> 01:05:23,000 [ Laughter ] 1349 01:05:23,000 --> 01:05:26,125 -[ Wheezes ] 1350 01:05:26,125 --> 01:05:27,875 You're not funny. 1351 01:05:27,875 --> 01:05:29,458 -Hey, come on. 1352 01:05:29,458 --> 01:05:31,125 What do you think Michelle gets her humor from? 1353 01:05:31,125 --> 01:05:32,125 Certainly not from your mother. 1354 01:05:32,125 --> 01:05:33,500 -What she lacks in humor, 1355 01:05:33,500 --> 01:05:35,625 she makes up for with rock-hard fruitcake. 1356 01:05:35,625 --> 01:05:38,000 -Oh, oh! Do you remember when Dad dressed up 1357 01:05:38,000 --> 01:05:39,333 like an elf for mom? 1358 01:05:39,333 --> 01:05:41,208 [ Laughter ] -Oh, no. 1359 01:05:41,208 --> 01:05:42,875 That's -- You're misremembering. 1360 01:05:42,875 --> 01:05:44,875 -Yeah, we would always have pancakes before presents. 1361 01:05:44,875 --> 01:05:46,250 We gotta do that this year. 1362 01:05:46,250 --> 01:05:48,625 -You know, when I was cleaning up, uh, 1363 01:05:48,625 --> 01:05:50,375 I saw that costume. It's around here somewhere. 1364 01:05:50,375 --> 01:05:51,625 -No! -It is. 1365 01:05:51,625 --> 01:05:53,500 -Dad! -Mm! Sounds like we're doing 1366 01:05:53,500 --> 01:05:56,875 elf pancakes this year. -Yeah, you wish. 1367 01:05:56,875 --> 01:05:59,500 -Now, if we could just get it to snow on Christmas 1368 01:05:59,500 --> 01:06:01,500 for once, we'd be set. 1369 01:06:01,500 --> 01:06:03,083 -Oh, that's not gonna happen. 1370 01:06:03,083 --> 01:06:05,625 -Yeah, all we've got is Dad's 1371 01:06:05,625 --> 01:06:08,333 dry, dead bushes in the backyard. 1372 01:06:08,333 --> 01:06:09,875 -Hey. -Sorry, Dad. 1373 01:06:09,875 --> 01:06:12,333 -Why, God, whyyyy? 1374 01:06:12,333 --> 01:06:14,458 -Whyyyy, God? 1375 01:06:14,458 --> 01:06:16,250 -I'll tell you, if there is a God, 1376 01:06:16,250 --> 01:06:17,750 I'm gonna get them to answer 1377 01:06:17,750 --> 01:06:20,333 for the total lack of fucking snow, trust me. 1378 01:06:20,333 --> 01:06:22,500 -This conversation just took a weird religious turn. 1379 01:06:22,500 --> 01:06:24,208 -All right. Weird religious angles 1380 01:06:24,208 --> 01:06:25,500 are what the holidays are all about. 1381 01:06:25,500 --> 01:06:27,583 -And mindless consumerism. -Mm! 1382 01:06:27,583 --> 01:06:31,875 -I think it's all about everybody 1383 01:06:31,875 --> 01:06:36,750 and everybody's weakest goals. 1384 01:06:36,750 --> 01:06:38,875 -Everybody and their weakest goals? 1385 01:06:38,875 --> 01:06:40,583 -Yeah. 1386 01:06:40,583 --> 01:06:41,833 -I don't know what that means. 1387 01:06:41,833 --> 01:06:44,750 -Oh, okay. Like...all right. 1388 01:06:44,750 --> 01:06:47,875 I-I'm trying to get into "RuPaul's Drag Race." 1389 01:06:47,875 --> 01:06:50,083 I can't do it. It's just not grabbing me. 1390 01:06:50,083 --> 01:06:51,750 -Okay. All right. 1391 01:06:51,750 --> 01:06:53,750 So my weakest goal is that my New Year's resolution 1392 01:06:53,750 --> 01:06:56,208 is going be to lose two pounds. 1393 01:06:56,208 --> 01:06:59,833 -Um, my weakest goal is to finally unpack my bag 1394 01:06:59,833 --> 01:07:01,750 from when I flew to Cincinnati last month. 1395 01:07:01,750 --> 01:07:03,625 -Now you guys are finally 1396 01:07:03,625 --> 01:07:06,375 getting what Christmas is all about. 1397 01:07:06,375 --> 01:07:09,250 -I say Christmas is about you kids remembering shit 1398 01:07:09,250 --> 01:07:12,208 I told you to do for once in your goddamn lives. 1399 01:07:12,208 --> 01:07:14,000 -I changed my mind. 1400 01:07:14,000 --> 01:07:16,583 Christmas is all about 1401 01:07:16,583 --> 01:07:19,708 singing Christmas songs. -Oh! 1402 01:07:19,708 --> 01:07:22,208 -What? I-I've never heard of this before. 1403 01:07:22,208 --> 01:07:23,625 -I knew that was coming. 1404 01:07:23,625 --> 01:07:27,208 -But we gotta do it tonight. 1405 01:07:27,208 --> 01:07:28,833 -I'll go start the fire. 1406 01:07:28,833 --> 01:07:31,500 -Oh, no! -Okay. 1407 01:07:31,500 --> 01:07:35,125 -If there's one thing this family can agree on, 1408 01:07:35,125 --> 01:07:37,000 it's that Toto's "Hold the Line" 1409 01:07:37,000 --> 01:07:39,625 is the greatest song of all time. 1410 01:07:41,083 --> 01:07:43,208 [ Playing "Hold the Line" ] 1411 01:07:43,208 --> 01:07:52,250 ♪♪ 1412 01:07:52,250 --> 01:08:01,250 ♪♪ 1413 01:08:01,250 --> 01:08:06,208 -♪ It's not in the way that you hold me ♪ 1414 01:08:06,208 --> 01:08:11,125 ♪ It's not in the way you say you care ♪ 1415 01:08:11,125 --> 01:08:16,333 ♪ It's not in the way you've been treating my friends ♪ 1416 01:08:16,333 --> 01:08:21,208 ♪ It's not in the way that you'll stay till the end ♪ 1417 01:08:21,208 --> 01:08:23,375 -♪ It's not in the way that you look ♪ 1418 01:08:23,375 --> 01:08:25,625 ♪ Or the things that you say that you'll do ♪ 1419 01:08:25,625 --> 01:08:27,458 -♪ Hold the line ♪ 1420 01:08:29,125 --> 01:08:32,500 ♪ Love isn't always on time ♪ 1421 01:08:32,500 --> 01:08:35,250 ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ 1422 01:08:35,250 --> 01:08:38,958 ♪ Hold the line ♪ 1423 01:08:38,958 --> 01:08:42,500 ♪ Love isn't always on time ♪ 1424 01:08:42,500 --> 01:08:46,208 ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ 1425 01:08:46,208 --> 01:08:51,125 -♪ It's not in the words that you told me, girl ♪ 1426 01:08:51,125 --> 01:08:54,375 ♪ It's not in the way you say you're mine ♪ 1427 01:08:54,375 --> 01:08:56,250 -♪ Whoo-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪ 1428 01:08:56,250 --> 01:09:01,208 -♪ It's not in the way that you came back to me ♪ 1429 01:09:01,208 --> 01:09:05,750 ♪ It's not in the way that your love set me free ♪ 1430 01:09:05,750 --> 01:09:08,250 -♪ It's not in the way that you look ♪ 1431 01:09:08,250 --> 01:09:10,375 ♪ Or the things that you say that you'll do ♪ 1432 01:09:10,375 --> 01:09:13,875 -♪ Hold the line ♪ 1433 01:09:13,875 --> 01:09:17,500 ♪ Love isn't always on time ♪ 1434 01:09:17,500 --> 01:09:20,208 ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ 1435 01:09:20,208 --> 01:09:23,958 ♪ Hold the line ♪ 1436 01:09:23,958 --> 01:09:27,250 ♪ Love isn't always on time ♪ 1437 01:09:27,250 --> 01:09:30,625 ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ 1438 01:09:30,625 --> 01:09:33,083 -[ Plays kazoo ] 1439 01:09:33,083 --> 01:09:41,750 ♪♪ 1440 01:09:41,750 --> 01:09:50,500 ♪♪ 1441 01:09:50,500 --> 01:09:53,958 -♪ Hold the line ♪ 1442 01:09:53,958 --> 01:09:57,500 ♪ Love isn't always on time ♪ 1443 01:09:57,500 --> 01:10:00,083 ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ 1444 01:10:00,083 --> 01:10:04,000 ♪ Hold the line ♪ 1445 01:10:04,000 --> 01:10:07,500 ♪ Love isn't always on time ♪ 1446 01:10:07,500 --> 01:10:10,375 ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ 1447 01:10:10,375 --> 01:10:12,250 ♪ Hold the line ♪ 1448 01:10:16,000 --> 01:10:17,833 [ Drumming stops ] 1449 01:10:17,833 --> 01:10:20,875 -Will you please shut the fuck up?! 1450 01:10:20,875 --> 01:10:23,708 -Merry Christmas to you, too... 1451 01:10:23,708 --> 01:10:25,375 asshole! 1452 01:10:25,375 --> 01:10:27,625 [ Chuckles ] 1453 01:10:27,625 --> 01:10:29,000 [ Vehicle approaching ] 1454 01:10:29,000 --> 01:10:31,083 Hey, look who's here. [ Chuckles ] 1455 01:10:34,208 --> 01:10:36,708 -Nice job on guitar. -Thanks. 1456 01:10:36,708 --> 01:10:39,375 -You guys wanna...? 1457 01:10:39,375 --> 01:10:40,875 -[ Laughs ] 1458 01:10:40,875 --> 01:10:42,375 -Hey, yeah, sure. 1459 01:10:42,375 --> 01:10:44,125 -Yeah, but I gotta get some rolling papers 1460 01:10:44,125 --> 01:10:45,625 from the store first. 1461 01:10:45,625 --> 01:10:47,625 -Ooh, pick up some wine while you're at it. 1462 01:10:47,625 --> 01:10:49,208 -Mark, you want to come with? 1463 01:10:49,208 --> 01:10:52,000 -Duh! -Okay. 1464 01:10:52,000 --> 01:10:54,000 -[ Sighs ] 1465 01:11:10,750 --> 01:11:12,125 -Help! 1466 01:11:12,125 --> 01:11:14,458 Oh, my God. Help! Oh! 1467 01:11:14,458 --> 01:11:17,000 [ Dramatic music plays ] 1468 01:11:17,000 --> 01:11:18,500 I told him that we shouldn't. 1469 01:11:18,500 --> 01:11:20,125 -Shouldn't what? 1470 01:11:20,125 --> 01:11:21,583 Oh, fuck. 1471 01:11:21,583 --> 01:11:24,500 Oh. Come on. 1472 01:11:24,500 --> 01:11:26,958 Uh, yes. Uh, hello. My father collapsed. 1473 01:11:26,958 --> 01:11:28,875 -Yeah. I knew it was a bad idea. 1474 01:11:28,875 --> 01:11:30,583 -Uh, that's what I'm trying to find out right now. 1475 01:11:30,583 --> 01:11:33,208 What happened? -We were trying something. 1476 01:11:33,208 --> 01:11:35,750 -W-Were you having sex? -I guess we were about to. 1477 01:11:35,750 --> 01:11:38,083 -Well, now isn't the time to -- to be shy. 1478 01:11:38,083 --> 01:11:40,000 Whatever it was, you gotta tell me. 1479 01:11:40,000 --> 01:11:42,458 What were you about to do? -The anal pile driver. 1480 01:11:42,458 --> 01:11:44,375 -On Christmas?! -He said that's what 1481 01:11:44,375 --> 01:11:45,875 the holidays were all about. 1482 01:11:45,875 --> 01:11:48,125 -Oh, my God! -And he really loves it. 1483 01:11:48,125 --> 01:11:49,458 -Okay, I got it. 1484 01:11:49,458 --> 01:11:51,500 -But it takes strength and finesse. 1485 01:11:51,500 --> 01:11:53,000 -Understood! Thank you! 1486 01:11:53,000 --> 01:11:54,875 -He used to be able to do all those things! 1487 01:11:54,875 --> 01:11:57,625 -Jesus Christ! Why are you still talking?! 1488 01:11:57,625 --> 01:12:00,875 Um, yeah, my father collapsed while he was having sex. 1489 01:12:00,875 --> 01:12:02,750 Please hurry. 1490 01:12:02,750 --> 01:12:04,583 [ Breathing heavily ] 1491 01:12:04,583 --> 01:12:06,000 [ Paramedic radio chatter ] 1492 01:12:06,000 --> 01:12:08,625 [ Siren wails ] 1493 01:12:08,625 --> 01:12:17,583 ♪♪ 1494 01:12:17,583 --> 01:12:26,500 ♪♪ 1495 01:12:26,500 --> 01:12:29,375 -Awful habit. 1496 01:12:29,375 --> 01:12:33,333 I always bite my nails when I'm nervous. 1497 01:12:33,333 --> 01:12:36,625 Wh-What do you do to cope with stress? 1498 01:12:36,625 --> 01:12:40,000 -I don't know. I, um, get high. 1499 01:12:40,000 --> 01:12:42,708 Then I get drunk and... 1500 01:12:42,708 --> 01:12:44,458 then take a Xanax. 1501 01:12:44,458 --> 01:12:47,875 Repeat the cycle until I feel better or I pass out. 1502 01:12:49,875 --> 01:12:52,583 -Well... 1503 01:12:52,583 --> 01:12:57,000 I-I guess everyone has their own little quirks. 1504 01:12:57,000 --> 01:13:00,000 -What happened?! 1505 01:13:00,000 --> 01:13:03,625 -So Dad had liver failure. 1506 01:13:03,625 --> 01:13:06,750 -Those fucking beers. 1507 01:13:06,750 --> 01:13:09,625 -Mark, I need to talk to you about something, okay? 1508 01:13:09,625 --> 01:13:11,000 -Okay. 1509 01:13:11,000 --> 01:13:14,333 -Dad needs to have a blood transfusion. 1510 01:13:14,333 --> 01:13:16,000 -Okay. 1511 01:13:16,000 --> 01:13:19,375 -And they don't have the right kind of blood for him 1512 01:13:19,375 --> 01:13:22,250 right now at the hospital. Do you understand? 1513 01:13:22,250 --> 01:13:24,958 -Yeah. -But you actually have 1514 01:13:24,958 --> 01:13:28,833 the right kind of blood to be able to give some to Dad. 1515 01:13:28,833 --> 01:13:31,625 -Okay. -So would you be okay 1516 01:13:31,625 --> 01:13:34,708 if the doctors took some of your blood 1517 01:13:34,708 --> 01:13:36,125 and then gave it to him? 1518 01:13:36,125 --> 01:13:39,083 -Okay, I can do it. 1519 01:13:39,083 --> 01:13:40,750 -Don't worry. It won't hurt at all. 1520 01:13:40,750 --> 01:13:43,000 -Okay. I'm gonna find the doctor and let her know. 1521 01:13:43,000 --> 01:13:45,250 -Michelle? -Yeah? 1522 01:13:45,250 --> 01:13:48,500 -After I give my blood to Dad... 1523 01:13:48,500 --> 01:13:50,958 -Yeah? 1524 01:13:50,958 --> 01:13:54,250 -...how long until I die? 1525 01:13:58,958 --> 01:14:01,333 -About 15 minutes. -What? 1526 01:14:01,333 --> 01:14:03,000 No, she's just joking! 1527 01:14:03,000 --> 01:14:05,500 You don't die after giving your blood. 1528 01:14:05,500 --> 01:14:07,000 -That's good. 1529 01:14:07,000 --> 01:14:09,500 -You would have done it without question. 1530 01:14:09,500 --> 01:14:12,375 You're the bravest of all of us. You know that? 1531 01:14:15,083 --> 01:14:17,250 -[ Sighs ] 1532 01:14:17,250 --> 01:14:20,583 All right, enough of the Hallmark Channel moment. 1533 01:14:20,583 --> 01:14:23,250 I'm gonna go see if I can find the doctor. 1534 01:14:27,333 --> 01:14:29,500 [ Dramatic music plays ] 1535 01:14:29,500 --> 01:14:31,500 -I'm sorry. 1536 01:14:31,500 --> 01:14:37,875 ♪♪ 1537 01:14:37,875 --> 01:14:40,250 -Don't fucking apologize. 1538 01:14:40,250 --> 01:14:43,208 -[ Sobbing ] 1539 01:14:43,208 --> 01:14:46,875 -Goddamn it, Dad. 1540 01:14:46,875 --> 01:14:49,708 -There is someone here who can help you with handling -- 1541 01:14:49,708 --> 01:14:52,375 -I'm not in charge here. 1542 01:14:52,375 --> 01:14:56,750 We gotta get out of here. 1543 01:14:56,750 --> 01:14:59,250 [ Sad music plays ] 1544 01:14:59,250 --> 01:15:07,375 ♪♪ 1545 01:15:07,375 --> 01:15:15,500 ♪♪ 1546 01:15:15,500 --> 01:15:23,625 ♪♪ 1547 01:15:23,625 --> 01:15:31,708 ♪♪ 1548 01:15:31,708 --> 01:15:34,250 -[ Muffled ] I said I don't want to talk about it right now. 1549 01:15:34,250 --> 01:15:35,583 -You can't do that with every 1550 01:15:35,583 --> 01:15:37,500 serious conversation that comes up. 1551 01:15:37,500 --> 01:15:39,125 -Yeah, well, sorry. 1552 01:15:39,125 --> 01:15:42,500 I've got a career that I've had for awhile now, 1553 01:15:42,500 --> 01:15:44,083 and it's important to me. 1554 01:15:44,083 --> 01:15:46,625 -Oh, you just love to just drop in and drop out 1555 01:15:46,625 --> 01:15:48,375 whenever you want, and the rest of us 1556 01:15:48,375 --> 01:15:49,958 have to stay here and clean up. 1557 01:15:49,958 --> 01:15:51,750 -Do we have to figure it out right now? 1558 01:15:51,750 --> 01:15:54,000 -Yes! Someone has to start taking care of him 1559 01:15:54,000 --> 01:15:56,375 right a-fucking-way, so I don't see how this can wait. 1560 01:15:56,375 --> 01:15:58,750 -Okay, well, we'll sell the house, 1561 01:15:58,750 --> 01:16:00,625 and then you can use the money to figure out -- 1562 01:16:00,625 --> 01:16:02,875 -It's not about the money! 1563 01:16:02,875 --> 01:16:06,333 It's about the work! It's about showing up! 1564 01:16:06,333 --> 01:16:07,875 -What am I supposed to do? 1565 01:16:07,875 --> 01:16:11,625 Get some fucking lame job that I hate, like you? 1566 01:16:11,625 --> 01:16:14,125 -[ Gasps ] 1567 01:16:14,125 --> 01:16:16,083 You are so selfish. 1568 01:16:16,083 --> 01:16:18,000 -I didn't have kids for a reason. 1569 01:16:18,000 --> 01:16:19,458 Okay? I-I can't take him. 1570 01:16:19,458 --> 01:16:21,625 I just -- I-I can't take the responsibility. 1571 01:16:21,625 --> 01:16:24,208 -No, you didn't have a kid because you were scared 1572 01:16:24,208 --> 01:16:28,000 of having a kid with a disability. 1573 01:16:28,000 --> 01:16:31,250 -I'm sorry that I wanted to do something else 1574 01:16:31,250 --> 01:16:33,583 with my life other than be a caretaker. 1575 01:16:33,583 --> 01:16:35,875 -I've been taking care of everything since forever! 1576 01:16:35,875 --> 01:16:39,833 And no one has ever asked me what I wanted, you know? 1577 01:16:39,833 --> 01:16:41,500 -You knew this was part of the deal. 1578 01:16:41,500 --> 01:16:44,333 -No, you knew this was part of the deal. 1579 01:16:44,333 --> 01:16:48,333 I've been trying to talk to you about it all week. 1580 01:16:48,333 --> 01:16:50,583 You do your jokes. 1581 01:16:50,583 --> 01:16:53,458 -[ Sighs ] 1582 01:16:53,458 --> 01:16:55,625 Well, I can't believe you won't take him. 1583 01:16:55,625 --> 01:16:57,500 -I can't believe you won't. 1584 01:16:57,500 --> 01:17:00,500 -Well, then I guess he's just gonna live on the street. 1585 01:17:00,500 --> 01:17:02,083 -Nice. -Okay, so make sure that 1586 01:17:02,083 --> 01:17:03,583 you give him some food when you see him 1587 01:17:03,583 --> 01:17:06,000 pushing his shopping cart down the alley. 1588 01:17:06,000 --> 01:17:07,333 You know what? 1589 01:17:07,333 --> 01:17:09,458 Come to think of it, never mind. 1590 01:17:09,458 --> 01:17:11,250 Because I doubt that he could even 1591 01:17:11,250 --> 01:17:13,250 figure out how to do that. 1592 01:17:15,125 --> 01:17:18,125 Oh, Mark. Fuck. 1593 01:17:18,125 --> 01:17:20,250 -She was just joking. She's not -- 1594 01:17:20,250 --> 01:17:21,875 [ Voice breaking ] She doesn't mean it. 1595 01:17:21,875 --> 01:17:24,625 [ Door opens and slams ] 1596 01:17:24,625 --> 01:17:25,875 Good one. 1597 01:17:25,875 --> 01:17:28,083 -[ Crying ] Oh, shut the fuck up. 1598 01:17:28,083 --> 01:17:30,208 ♪♪ 1599 01:17:30,208 --> 01:17:32,500 [ Sighs ] 1600 01:17:32,500 --> 01:17:40,208 ♪♪ 1601 01:17:40,208 --> 01:17:42,208 [ Line ringing ] 1602 01:17:42,208 --> 01:17:44,583 [ Coughs ] 1603 01:17:44,583 --> 01:17:50,250 ♪♪ 1604 01:17:50,250 --> 01:17:55,875 ♪♪ 1605 01:17:55,875 --> 01:17:58,125 -Please leave a message. [ Beep ] 1606 01:18:00,250 --> 01:18:02,125 -Hey, it's me. 1607 01:18:04,250 --> 01:18:07,125 [ Sighs ] We need your help. 1608 01:18:07,125 --> 01:18:14,375 ♪♪ 1609 01:18:14,375 --> 01:18:21,583 ♪♪ 1610 01:18:27,000 --> 01:18:29,375 [ Sighs ] 1611 01:18:37,875 --> 01:18:40,375 [ Smoke alarm beeping ] 1612 01:18:43,000 --> 01:18:44,833 Oh, shit! 1613 01:18:44,833 --> 01:18:47,000 [ Beeping continues ] 1614 01:18:58,125 --> 01:19:01,083 O...kay. 1615 01:19:01,083 --> 01:19:04,458 [ Beeping continues ] 1616 01:19:04,458 --> 01:19:06,375 -They got burned. 1617 01:19:06,375 --> 01:19:08,083 -That's okay. 1618 01:19:08,083 --> 01:19:10,083 [ Beeping continues ] 1619 01:19:11,583 --> 01:19:13,458 [ Sizzling ] 1620 01:19:16,625 --> 01:19:18,625 [ Beeping stops ] -I was making breakfast. 1621 01:19:18,625 --> 01:19:22,875 -I know, bud. It's okay. 1622 01:19:22,875 --> 01:19:24,500 -What the hell? 1623 01:19:24,500 --> 01:19:26,125 -We're gonna have a non-traditional breakfast 1624 01:19:26,125 --> 01:19:28,625 this year. 1625 01:19:28,625 --> 01:19:31,125 [ Down-tempo music plays ] 1626 01:19:31,125 --> 01:19:37,458 ♪♪ 1627 01:19:37,458 --> 01:19:43,750 ♪♪ 1628 01:19:43,750 --> 01:19:48,333 Look, last night was straight garbage. 1629 01:19:48,333 --> 01:19:50,458 We didn't mean any of it. 1630 01:19:50,458 --> 01:19:52,625 -It's okay. 1631 01:19:52,625 --> 01:19:54,708 -No, it's not okay. 1632 01:19:54,708 --> 01:19:56,375 We suck. 1633 01:19:56,375 --> 01:20:00,750 We're just...sad. 1634 01:20:00,750 --> 01:20:01,750 You know? 1635 01:20:01,750 --> 01:20:03,500 -It's okay. 1636 01:20:07,625 --> 01:20:10,000 -We gotta have each other's backs from now on. 1637 01:20:10,000 --> 01:20:13,958 So I don't want any more bullshit out of anyone. 1638 01:20:13,958 --> 01:20:15,875 And that includes me. 1639 01:20:15,875 --> 01:20:25,000 ♪♪ 1640 01:20:25,000 --> 01:20:26,375 -We should do presents. 1641 01:20:26,375 --> 01:20:28,583 Well, let's see what Santa got us. 1642 01:20:28,583 --> 01:20:30,875 Michelle. 1643 01:20:30,875 --> 01:20:32,500 Mark. 1644 01:20:32,500 --> 01:20:37,583 [ "O Holy Night" plays in background ] 1645 01:20:37,583 --> 01:20:39,375 -Cool. 1646 01:20:39,375 --> 01:20:41,125 Thanks, Dad. 1647 01:20:41,125 --> 01:20:44,750 -Great. Now all I need is a gun, and I'm all set. 1648 01:20:44,750 --> 01:20:46,208 -Yes! 1649 01:20:46,208 --> 01:20:49,375 This is a good one. 1650 01:20:49,375 --> 01:20:53,250 "Dick! The Halls: Volume Seven." 1651 01:20:55,750 --> 01:20:58,458 [ Down-tempo music plays ] 1652 01:20:58,458 --> 01:21:00,250 -Oh, my God, Shell, look. 1653 01:21:00,250 --> 01:21:09,750 ♪♪ 1654 01:21:09,750 --> 01:21:11,833 -Holy shit. 1655 01:21:11,833 --> 01:21:15,750 -It's Dad. You know it's Dad. 1656 01:21:15,750 --> 01:21:18,625 He finally got it to snow for us. 1657 01:21:23,083 --> 01:21:24,833 We hear you, Dad. 1658 01:21:24,833 --> 01:21:28,750 -Um...I don't think so. 1659 01:21:28,750 --> 01:21:31,375 That's not snow. 1660 01:21:36,375 --> 01:21:39,083 -Oh. Holy shit. 1661 01:21:39,083 --> 01:21:40,500 -I'm calling 911. 1662 01:21:40,500 --> 01:21:41,875 -Wait. -What? 1663 01:21:41,875 --> 01:21:44,500 -What did Dad say Christmas was all about? 1664 01:21:44,500 --> 01:21:48,125 -Remembering shit he told us to do 1665 01:21:48,125 --> 01:21:51,500 for once in our goddamn lives. 1666 01:21:51,500 --> 01:21:55,500 -And what do we do in the event of a fire? 1667 01:21:55,500 --> 01:21:58,250 [ Up-tempo music plays ] 1668 01:21:58,250 --> 01:22:05,500 ♪♪ 1669 01:22:05,500 --> 01:22:07,875 [ Techno music plays ] 1670 01:22:07,875 --> 01:22:17,625 ♪♪ 1671 01:22:17,625 --> 01:22:27,375 ♪♪ 1672 01:22:27,375 --> 01:22:37,125 ♪♪ 1673 01:22:37,125 --> 01:22:46,875 ♪♪ 1674 01:22:46,875 --> 01:22:56,625 ♪♪ 1675 01:22:56,625 --> 01:23:06,375 ♪♪ 1676 01:23:06,375 --> 01:23:16,125 ♪♪ 1677 01:23:16,125 --> 01:23:18,833 Wow. 1678 01:23:18,833 --> 01:23:22,958 [ Air horn blows ] 1679 01:23:22,958 --> 01:23:25,250 [ Laughter ] 1680 01:23:25,250 --> 01:23:27,458 -That was really cool. 1681 01:23:27,458 --> 01:23:28,750 [ Vehicle approaching ] 1682 01:23:28,750 --> 01:23:31,875 -Oh, I bet that's Sharon. 1683 01:23:31,875 --> 01:23:34,125 -Merry Christmas. 1684 01:23:34,125 --> 01:23:37,250 -Mom? -Hello. 1685 01:23:37,250 --> 01:23:39,375 I brought gifts. 1686 01:23:39,375 --> 01:23:42,750 Walmart gift card for Andrea. 1687 01:23:42,750 --> 01:23:45,375 For Mark. 1688 01:23:45,375 --> 01:23:47,375 You. 1689 01:23:47,375 --> 01:23:50,125 Now, who wants some of Mom's famous fruitcake? 1690 01:23:52,250 --> 01:23:55,083 Michelle called. She told me what happened. 1691 01:23:55,083 --> 01:23:57,125 But I don't want you to worry. 1692 01:23:57,125 --> 01:24:00,708 Everything is going to be okay. 1693 01:24:00,708 --> 01:24:03,083 Although it looks like I got here just in time. 1694 01:24:03,083 --> 01:24:05,625 -We had a rough couple days. Cut us some slack. 1695 01:24:05,625 --> 01:24:07,083 -Mark, be a darling. 1696 01:24:07,083 --> 01:24:08,750 Go to the car. Fetch my bag. 1697 01:24:08,750 --> 01:24:12,083 I'm moving in immediately to look after you. 1698 01:24:22,000 --> 01:24:24,375 -What about Rob the dentist? 1699 01:24:24,375 --> 01:24:27,000 This isn't exactly burgers in paradise. 1700 01:24:27,000 --> 01:24:28,875 -He's retired, so we thought we would move in here 1701 01:24:28,875 --> 01:24:31,625 for a while to look after Mark. 1702 01:24:31,625 --> 01:24:35,958 Unless either one of you are planning to take care of him. 1703 01:24:35,958 --> 01:24:38,458 [ Down-tempo music plays ] 1704 01:24:38,458 --> 01:24:40,250 Well, that's what I thought. 1705 01:24:40,250 --> 01:24:46,125 ♪♪ 1706 01:24:46,125 --> 01:24:51,958 ♪♪ 1707 01:24:51,958 --> 01:24:53,500 -I'll take him if he wants. 1708 01:24:53,500 --> 01:24:54,958 -So will I. 1709 01:24:54,958 --> 01:24:58,333 -[ Laughs ] 1710 01:24:58,333 --> 01:25:01,125 That's absurd. Neither of you are fit 1711 01:25:01,125 --> 01:25:04,000 to take care of a houseplant, even a cactus. 1712 01:25:04,000 --> 01:25:06,708 -Well, obviously, I'm gonna try harder 1713 01:25:06,708 --> 01:25:08,333 than I did with that cactus. 1714 01:25:08,333 --> 01:25:09,958 [ Door opens ] -Hey, everybody. 1715 01:25:09,958 --> 01:25:12,000 Merry Christmas. 1716 01:25:12,000 --> 01:25:14,375 -Who the hell are you? -Mom, this is Sharon. 1717 01:25:14,375 --> 01:25:16,125 She's a p-- -No! 1718 01:25:18,833 --> 01:25:21,958 She is a sex worker. 1719 01:25:21,958 --> 01:25:23,500 -What? 1720 01:25:23,500 --> 01:25:27,625 -I was going to say she's a part of the family. 1721 01:25:27,625 --> 01:25:29,875 -Oh. Shit. 1722 01:25:29,875 --> 01:25:32,375 -I can be both. -I can't believe this. 1723 01:25:32,375 --> 01:25:37,000 -Mark, I have a really important question to ask you, okay? 1724 01:25:37,000 --> 01:25:38,500 -Okay. 1725 01:25:38,500 --> 01:25:41,375 -Who do you want to be your legal guardian? 1726 01:25:43,000 --> 01:25:44,375 -Um... 1727 01:25:44,375 --> 01:25:51,250 ♪♪ 1728 01:25:51,250 --> 01:25:52,583 Groot. 1729 01:25:52,583 --> 01:25:54,375 -No, man. Not "Guardians of the Galaxy." 1730 01:25:54,375 --> 01:25:56,750 Like, who do you want to live with? 1731 01:25:56,750 --> 01:25:58,250 -Oh. 1732 01:26:00,333 --> 01:26:03,000 You. 1733 01:26:03,000 --> 01:26:05,833 -Okay. Go get your stuff. 1734 01:26:05,833 --> 01:26:07,125 -This is outrageous. 1735 01:26:07,125 --> 01:26:09,083 He should be living here with me. 1736 01:26:09,083 --> 01:26:10,958 -Well, we're selling the house, so... 1737 01:26:10,958 --> 01:26:12,958 -W-W-W-What? -No matter how good 1738 01:26:12,958 --> 01:26:14,625 your intentions are, at some point, 1739 01:26:14,625 --> 01:26:16,125 people need to be able to make decisions for themselves 1740 01:26:16,125 --> 01:26:18,875 about what their life's gonna be. 1741 01:26:18,875 --> 01:26:22,708 -We're never coming home, right? 1742 01:26:22,708 --> 01:26:25,083 -Right. 1743 01:26:25,083 --> 01:26:27,458 Mom, this is happening. 1744 01:26:27,458 --> 01:26:31,125 Tell Rob I said Merry Christmas and to have a margarita for me. 1745 01:26:31,125 --> 01:26:33,375 -You can tell him yourself. He's in the car. 1746 01:26:33,375 --> 01:26:36,125 -You've been in here for like an hour and a half. 1747 01:26:36,125 --> 01:26:38,375 -Rob, we're going back to Florida! 1748 01:26:38,375 --> 01:26:41,625 Come in here and help me pack up this damn cake! 1749 01:26:45,583 --> 01:26:47,625 -Hey. 1750 01:26:47,625 --> 01:26:49,500 Can I come along, too? 1751 01:26:49,500 --> 01:26:50,750 -[ Scoffs ] 1752 01:26:50,750 --> 01:26:52,458 Obviously. 1753 01:26:52,458 --> 01:26:54,625 Come on. 1754 01:26:54,625 --> 01:26:57,125 -Hey! 1755 01:26:57,125 --> 01:26:59,125 I wanted to give you this. 1756 01:27:01,000 --> 01:27:04,458 -Thank you. 1757 01:27:04,458 --> 01:27:05,875 Hey, Rob. 1758 01:27:05,875 --> 01:27:07,000 -Hey, Michelle. 1759 01:27:07,000 --> 01:27:09,125 You can have these if you want. 1760 01:27:09,125 --> 01:27:11,000 [ Chuckles ] 1761 01:27:11,000 --> 01:27:14,375 One of the bulbs is burnt out, so the whole strand is no good. 1762 01:27:14,375 --> 01:27:16,458 -That's not how it works anymore. 1763 01:27:16,458 --> 01:27:19,750 -Oh. Live and learn. 1764 01:27:22,083 --> 01:27:25,125 -Hey, what the hell is all of this? 1765 01:27:25,125 --> 01:27:27,375 -We're leaving, Larry. For good. 1766 01:27:27,375 --> 01:27:28,875 -For good? 1767 01:27:28,875 --> 01:27:31,250 -I'll never forget you. 1768 01:27:31,250 --> 01:27:33,333 Farewell. 1769 01:27:33,333 --> 01:27:35,833 [ Mid-tempo music plays ] 1770 01:27:35,833 --> 01:27:44,375 ♪♪ 1771 01:27:44,375 --> 01:27:52,875 ♪♪ 1772 01:27:52,875 --> 01:27:55,875 -So where are we going? 1773 01:27:57,375 --> 01:28:00,208 -[ Sighs ] 1774 01:28:00,208 --> 01:28:02,083 You know... 1775 01:28:02,083 --> 01:28:04,375 that's a good question. 1776 01:28:05,500 --> 01:28:08,000 [ Sighs ] 1777 01:28:08,000 --> 01:28:09,625 [ Engine starts ] 1778 01:28:09,625 --> 01:28:18,750 ♪♪ 1779 01:28:18,750 --> 01:28:27,875 ♪♪ 1780 01:28:27,875 --> 01:28:29,875 -Who am I without you? 1781 01:28:33,000 --> 01:28:34,875 I don't know that man. 1782 01:28:34,875 --> 01:28:40,375 ♪♪ 1783 01:28:40,375 --> 01:28:46,000 ♪♪ 1784 01:28:46,000 --> 01:28:47,708 -And so then I looked at him and I said, 1785 01:28:47,708 --> 01:28:50,625 "That sounds like a weak goal to me." 1786 01:28:50,625 --> 01:28:52,625 [ Laughter ] That's what I said. 1787 01:28:52,625 --> 01:28:54,625 Thank you so much. You guys have been great. 1788 01:28:54,625 --> 01:28:56,250 Good night, Atlanta! 1789 01:28:56,250 --> 01:28:58,958 [ Cheers and applause ] 1790 01:28:58,958 --> 01:29:00,833 -Let's keep it going for my favorite comedian 1791 01:29:00,833 --> 01:29:04,250 and least favorite roommate, Michelle Van de Shall! 1792 01:29:04,250 --> 01:29:06,875 Her run of the show just got extended by another week, 1793 01:29:06,875 --> 01:29:09,000 so if you had fun tonight, tell a friend. 1794 01:29:09,000 --> 01:29:12,583 And if you didn't, nobody gives a shit what you think. 1795 01:29:12,583 --> 01:29:13,750 -Ooh! -Hey. 1796 01:29:13,750 --> 01:29:15,875 We ran right on time tonight, 1797 01:29:15,875 --> 01:29:17,333 even with intermission running long. 1798 01:29:17,333 --> 01:29:19,708 -I told you you're not the stage manager. 1799 01:29:19,708 --> 01:29:21,000 You can't be back here. 1800 01:29:21,000 --> 01:29:23,083 -Copy that. Standing by. 1801 01:29:23,083 --> 01:29:26,250 Sharon, I'm gonna need all the glow tape back. It's mine. 1802 01:29:26,250 --> 01:29:27,750 -I think she's jealous of your job. 1803 01:29:27,750 --> 01:29:31,375 -Merch sales were retarded tonight. 1804 01:29:31,375 --> 01:29:33,333 -What the fuck did I tell you about saying that? 1805 01:29:33,333 --> 01:29:36,250 -I'm taking the word back. -[ Sighs ] 1806 01:29:36,250 --> 01:29:38,875 I mean...power to you, man. 1807 01:29:38,875 --> 01:29:42,625 -And there's a group from Special Olympics here. 1808 01:29:42,625 --> 01:29:44,708 So if you don't mind, 1809 01:29:44,708 --> 01:29:47,625 I'm gonna go mingle with some ladies. 1810 01:29:47,625 --> 01:29:50,333 -Very cool. Enjoy. 1811 01:29:50,333 --> 01:29:52,750 -I will. 1812 01:29:52,750 --> 01:29:55,250 You know it, Shelly. 1813 01:29:57,583 --> 01:29:59,875 [ Down-tempo music plays ] 1814 01:29:59,875 --> 01:30:06,583 ♪♪ 1815 01:30:06,583 --> 01:30:13,250 ♪♪ 1816 01:30:13,250 --> 01:30:20,000 ♪♪ 1817 01:30:20,000 --> 01:30:24,875 -Hey, Anj. Wait up! 1818 01:30:24,875 --> 01:30:27,125 [ The New Anxiety's "All on Christmas" plays ] 1819 01:30:27,125 --> 01:30:33,875 ♪♪ 1820 01:30:33,875 --> 01:30:40,708 ♪♪ 1821 01:30:40,708 --> 01:30:43,375 -♪ Every year reluctantly 1822 01:30:43,375 --> 01:30:45,875 ♪ We hang the lights and trim the tree ♪ 1823 01:30:45,875 --> 01:30:50,375 ♪ Just another Christmastime ♪ 1824 01:30:50,375 --> 01:30:53,208 ♪ Unpacking all the winter clothes ♪ 1825 01:30:53,208 --> 01:30:55,833 ♪ While cold wind seeps through old windows ♪ 1826 01:30:55,833 --> 01:30:59,583 ♪ Just another Christmastime ♪ 1827 01:31:00,500 --> 01:31:05,833 ♪ But soon we find the house filled with the scent of pine ♪ 1828 01:31:05,833 --> 01:31:10,875 ♪ And it reminds us of a simpler time ♪ 1829 01:31:10,875 --> 01:31:15,083 ♪ Of a simpler time ♪ 1830 01:31:15,875 --> 01:31:20,750 ♪ Gone away till holidays ♪ 1831 01:31:20,750 --> 01:31:26,250 ♪ Bring back old friends and family ♪ 1832 01:31:26,250 --> 01:31:30,708 ♪ We revel in the old clichés ♪ 1833 01:31:30,708 --> 01:31:37,125 ♪ All on Christmas, all on Christmas Day ♪ 1834 01:31:37,125 --> 01:31:44,125 ♪♪ 1835 01:31:44,125 --> 01:31:51,000 ♪♪ 1836 01:31:51,000 --> 01:31:53,500 ♪ Every year about this time ♪ 1837 01:31:53,500 --> 01:31:56,083 ♪ We hear the melodies and rhymes ♪ 1838 01:31:56,083 --> 01:31:59,375 ♪ Of a million Christmas songs ♪ 1839 01:32:00,833 --> 01:32:03,500 ♪ So we dust off the old guitars ♪ 1840 01:32:03,500 --> 01:32:05,875 ♪ Start to hum a couple bars ♪ 1841 01:32:05,875 --> 01:32:09,125 ♪ Of another Christmas song ♪ 1842 01:32:10,708 --> 01:32:15,750 ♪ And then we go into our bustling studio ♪ 1843 01:32:15,750 --> 01:32:20,750 ♪ Where we recall the meaning of it all ♪ 1844 01:32:20,750 --> 01:32:25,875 ♪ The meaning of it all ♪ 1845 01:32:25,875 --> 01:32:30,583 ♪ Gone away till holidays ♪ 1846 01:32:30,583 --> 01:32:36,125 ♪ Bring back old friends and family ♪ 1847 01:32:36,125 --> 01:32:40,708 ♪ To revel in the old clichés ♪ 1848 01:32:40,708 --> 01:32:46,250 ♪ On Christmas, on Christmas ♪ 1849 01:32:46,250 --> 01:32:50,833 ♪ On Christmas Day ♪ 1850 01:32:50,833 --> 01:32:55,958 ♪♪ 1851 01:32:55,958 --> 01:32:58,750 ♪ On Christmas Day ♪ 1852 01:32:58,750 --> 01:33:00,875 ♪♪ 1853 01:33:00,875 --> 01:33:03,458 ♪ On Christmas Day ♪ 1854 01:33:03,458 --> 01:33:05,750 ♪♪ 1855 01:33:05,750 --> 01:33:08,583 ♪ On Christmas Day ♪ 1856 01:33:08,583 --> 01:33:11,000 ♪♪ 1857 01:33:11,000 --> 01:33:14,083 ♪ On Christmas Day ♪ 1858 01:33:14,083 --> 01:33:17,750 ♪♪ 129599