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1
00:00:01,068 --> 00:00:05,973
**
2
00:00:07,374 --> 00:00:08,507
Hey, Dan,
3
00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:10,627
they were all
out of broccoli
4
00:00:10,662 --> 00:00:12,713
so I got
Frosted Flakes instead.
5
00:00:12,748 --> 00:00:14,348
Hi, honey.
6
00:00:14,383 --> 00:00:15,414
What?
7
00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:17,384
Show her.
Show me what?
8
00:00:17,419 --> 00:00:19,284
David.
Okay.
9
00:00:19,319 --> 00:00:22,422
I, uh, I got this
thing at school today.
10
00:00:22,457 --> 00:00:24,423
Oh, man, I hate
things from school.
11
00:00:24,458 --> 00:00:26,727
The last thing was
a note from the principal
12
00:00:26,762 --> 00:00:28,662
that said D.J.
was selling my bras.
13
00:00:30,664 --> 00:00:32,299
You're graduating?
14
00:00:32,334 --> 00:00:34,235
Yeah.
Oh, my God!
15
00:00:34,270 --> 00:00:36,101
Oh, my God, yay!
16
00:00:36,136 --> 00:00:38,338
Ow, you're hurting me.
You're hurting me.
17
00:00:38,373 --> 00:00:41,340
We totally
had you going.
18
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:45,312
Somebody from this house
graduating from high school!
19
00:00:45,347 --> 00:00:48,432
Man, I just never could
have seen that coming.
20
00:00:48,467 --> 00:00:51,410
Somebody from this house
graduating high school.
21
00:00:51,445 --> 00:00:54,354
Somebody from this house
graduating high school!
22
00:00:54,389 --> 00:00:57,022
Did you hear that world?
23
00:00:57,057 --> 00:01:01,428
Somebody from this house
is graduating high school!
24
00:01:01,463 --> 00:01:03,662
Quiet. You'll
attract gold-diggers.
25
00:01:03,697 --> 00:01:07,768
Oh, Darlene, we are gonna
have the biggest blowout ever.
26
00:01:07,803 --> 00:01:10,269
We never got to do this
with you or Becky.
27
00:01:10,304 --> 00:01:13,774
You know, this is our last time to
celebrate a high school graduation.
28
00:01:13,809 --> 00:01:16,377
No, you still have D.J.
29
00:01:16,412 --> 00:01:18,911
Like I said,
big blowout!
30
00:01:18,946 --> 00:01:20,879
We're really
proud of you, son.
31
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:24,718
You can relax and take comfort in
knowing you've done a fine, fine job.
32
00:01:24,753 --> 00:01:28,989
Now, what are you gonna do
for the rest of your life?
33
00:01:29,024 --> 00:01:30,422
I don't know.
34
00:01:30,457 --> 00:01:33,176
But I think I have this
next month figured out though.
35
00:01:33,211 --> 00:01:35,896
I'm gonna do something
with the money my mom sent me.
36
00:01:35,931 --> 00:01:37,062
Well, that's nice, David.
37
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:40,217
I will think
very fondly of your mother
38
00:01:40,252 --> 00:01:43,362
while I'm watching
that big screen TV.
39
00:01:43,397 --> 00:01:47,421
No, see, I'm thinking
of going to Europe.
40
00:01:47,456 --> 00:01:51,410
What? Long way to go to bring back a TV.
41
00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:55,148
Man, I figured the only way any of
you kids would ever get to go overseas
42
00:01:55,183 --> 00:01:58,252
is if you lucked out and
they were having another war.
43
00:01:58,287 --> 00:02:01,321
I'm just looking forward
to finally seeing in person
44
00:02:01,356 --> 00:02:03,590
all of the art I've
been studying in books.
45
00:02:03,625 --> 00:02:06,558
They got art
in Europe?
46
00:02:06,593 --> 00:02:08,562
You can just
send me a postcard.
47
00:02:08,597 --> 00:02:10,095
Darlene-
48
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:12,664
Hey, David.
When you're over there,
49
00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:14,700
bring me back something
real classy, you know,
50
00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:17,738
like one of them naked statues
for out on the lawn.
51
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,245
Hey, are you mad
or something?
52
00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:26,912
No, Pierre.
53
00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:30,467
I'm delighted that you're
gonna be in Europe all summer
54
00:02:30,502 --> 00:02:33,987
while I'm stuck here in
Lanford in Chateau de Lard Ass.
55
00:02:34,022 --> 00:02:36,188
It's just a month, Darlene.
56
00:02:36,223 --> 00:02:38,590
I know, David, but we
just got back together.
57
00:02:38,625 --> 00:02:41,595
I mean, what if some other boy
moves into the basement?
58
00:02:41,630 --> 00:02:43,965
I just think this is
something I gotta do.
59
00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:46,265
Well, here's
something else you gotta do.
60
00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:49,970
Learn the French translation of
"No, this is my full height. "
61
00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:44,490
Hey, David.
62
00:03:44,525 --> 00:03:47,493
I thought your graduation
ceremony was great.
63
00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:50,330
I really loved that part where
everyone threw them square hats
64
00:03:50,365 --> 00:03:52,032
with the tassels
up in the air.
65
00:03:52,067 --> 00:03:53,966
I know.
66
00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:56,170
I just wish Mrs. Conner
would've asked me first.
67
00:03:56,205 --> 00:03:58,105
I kind of wanted to do it.
68
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,674
Got to move quick around us.
69
00:04:02,709 --> 00:04:04,578
You should know that.
You've eaten here.
70
00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:09,381
What's going on?
71
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,118
Just thinking about Europe.
72
00:04:11,153 --> 00:04:12,384
Yeah?
73
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,688
I often come out here
and think about...
74
00:04:14,723 --> 00:04:15,923
living over there.
75
00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:19,791
I don't think I'm gonna go.
76
00:04:19,826 --> 00:04:22,562
What? You were
looking forward to it.
77
00:04:22,597 --> 00:04:25,264
Yeah, it's just kind
of stupid, you know?
78
00:04:25,299 --> 00:04:29,636
The young artist going to Paris
to be inspired by famous paintings.
79
00:04:29,671 --> 00:04:31,370
It's not stupid.
80
00:04:31,405 --> 00:04:34,608
Some of the greatest paintings
of all time have come from there.
81
00:04:34,643 --> 00:04:38,346
Like... that woman
sitting in the chair,
82
00:04:38,381 --> 00:04:42,049
or them kids crying
with the big eyes.
83
00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:46,553
Well, I know. It's just,
I'm young, you know,
84
00:04:46,588 --> 00:04:50,291
and the art over there
is so... old.
85
00:04:50,326 --> 00:04:53,478
David, what's this
really all about?
86
00:04:53,513 --> 00:04:56,595
Are you nervous
about leaving home?
87
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:59,700
'Cause, you know, technically
this isn't your home.
88
00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:04,837
Well, it's just,
you know,
89
00:05:04,872 --> 00:05:07,140
Darlene and I are finally
back together again, and-
90
00:05:07,175 --> 00:05:08,574
Oh.
91
00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:10,577
Yeah, and I'm starting
to think that maybe
92
00:05:10,612 --> 00:05:12,546
spending a month apart
would be a mistake.
93
00:05:12,581 --> 00:05:15,514
Well, being together
is important,
94
00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:18,635
but a man needs time
for his own thoughts.
95
00:05:18,670 --> 00:05:21,722
That's why I put a lock
on the bathroom door.
96
00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:28,495
Yeah, but I'm thinking
maybe I could just wait
97
00:05:28,530 --> 00:05:30,462
'til we could
both go together.
98
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:33,633
Really hate to see you
pass this up, David.
99
00:05:33,668 --> 00:05:36,770
You've got the time,
you've got the money.
100
00:05:36,805 --> 00:05:39,190
I've seen this before.
101
00:05:39,225 --> 00:05:41,167
If you don't do this now,
102
00:05:41,202 --> 00:05:43,110
maybe you'll never do it.
103
00:05:45,179 --> 00:05:47,481
I'll think about it.
Thanks, Mr. Conner.
104
00:05:47,516 --> 00:05:48,881
No problem.
105
00:05:48,916 --> 00:05:51,919
Hey, have you ever
traveled anywhere exotic?
106
00:05:51,954 --> 00:05:54,855
Can't say
as I have, David.
107
00:05:54,890 --> 00:05:57,823
Oh, yeah, wait.
108
00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,324
One year on the way
to Florida,
109
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:02,529
me and Mrs. Conner stopped
off at Gator Village,
110
00:06:02,564 --> 00:06:04,698
watched a chicken
dance on a hot plate.
111
00:06:12,673 --> 00:06:15,843
Hey, Dan, is the stuff in
the dishwasher clean or dirty?
112
00:06:15,878 --> 00:06:17,645
Dirty.
113
00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:19,413
Oh. Here.
114
00:06:21,315 --> 00:06:23,081
No way!
115
00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:26,436
You're not working on that big
heap of junk boat again, are you?
116
00:06:26,471 --> 00:06:29,721
What, are you gonna drag it out
and work on it every six years?
117
00:06:29,756 --> 00:06:33,627
If I do it in my spare time and
my own garage, who's it gonna hurt?
118
00:06:33,662 --> 00:06:35,363
You, and a lot.
119
00:06:35,398 --> 00:06:37,029
You get rid of it.
120
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:39,198
I'm sorry. I just can't do that for you.
121
00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:43,570
Oh, it's amazing what you can
do once I set my mind to it.
122
00:06:43,605 --> 00:06:46,573
Well, well, well.
What have we here?
123
00:06:46,608 --> 00:06:50,144
A new saw,
a pile of new wood,
124
00:06:50,179 --> 00:06:53,680
and some expensive,
new, loud...
125
00:06:53,715 --> 00:06:56,048
plug-in type of thing.
126
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:58,252
Well, I guess the new
baby doesn't really need
127
00:06:58,287 --> 00:07:01,005
all those stupid
shots anyway.
128
00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:03,689
All that cost me,
like, 150 bucks.
129
00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:06,360
Yeah, and what's it gonna
cost by the time it's finished?
130
00:07:06,395 --> 00:07:07,993
And you'd better
figure that in bananas,
131
00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:10,697
because by that time apes
will be running the world.
132
00:07:10,732 --> 00:07:14,266
Including lumber,
paint, tools,
133
00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:17,538
everything else I need
to build a whole boat...
134
00:07:17,573 --> 00:07:19,306
spread out over
a couple of years,
135
00:07:19,341 --> 00:07:21,942
maybe...
a thousand bucks.
136
00:07:21,977 --> 00:07:23,175
What?
137
00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:25,879
You got a kid in college,
another one on the way
138
00:07:25,914 --> 00:07:27,579
and absolutely no savings.
139
00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:30,918
I could really think of a better
way to spend a thousand bucks,
140
00:07:30,953 --> 00:07:35,189
like you give me
a thousand bucks.
141
00:07:35,224 --> 00:07:39,391
Stop worrying.
Start dreaming a bit.
142
00:07:39,426 --> 00:07:44,965
Now, now when all the kids
are gone or "lost,"
143
00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:46,967
we'll tow this baby down
to Florida,
144
00:07:47,002 --> 00:07:49,301
set sail for the Caribbean,
145
00:07:49,336 --> 00:07:52,406
figure we'll stock her up with
supplies for a couple of months,
146
00:07:52,441 --> 00:07:55,275
maybe get some of that
imported beer.
147
00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:07,354
Your snifter of suds,
my love.
148
00:08:07,389 --> 00:08:09,991
Hey, uh.
Where are we, anyway?
149
00:08:10,026 --> 00:08:12,558
Well,
there's the north star,
150
00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:15,462
there's the Big Dipper,
and there's the dock.
151
00:08:15,497 --> 00:08:18,365
So, I would calculate
we're about...
152
00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:21,468
15 feet out
in the ocean.
153
00:08:21,503 --> 00:08:23,671
Happy my pet?
154
00:08:23,706 --> 00:08:25,839
Oh, beyond happy.
155
00:08:25,874 --> 00:08:27,406
Whacked out.
156
00:08:27,441 --> 00:08:30,277
How this night possibly
be any better?
157
00:08:30,312 --> 00:08:34,246
Ha, ha.
158
00:08:34,281 --> 00:08:36,750
Oh, Dan, you thought of everything.
159
00:08:36,785 --> 00:08:39,987
It's the pizza boat.
160
00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:50,931
Oh, that is the stupidest, most
ridiculous fantasy I've ever heard.
161
00:08:50,966 --> 00:08:53,298
Except for the
pizza boat part.
162
00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:56,236
If you ever really
finish this boat,
163
00:08:56,271 --> 00:08:58,370
and it ever
actually floats,
164
00:08:58,405 --> 00:09:00,590
I'll tell you just
what's going to happen.
165
00:09:00,625 --> 00:09:02,776
We'll get lost, in say,
the first three hours.
166
00:09:02,811 --> 00:09:04,309
Then we'll run into
a rock,
167
00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:07,214
and we'll end up shipwrecked
on some deserted island
168
00:09:07,249 --> 00:09:09,483
in the middle of nowhere.
169
00:09:22,362 --> 00:09:23,629
Wow!
170
00:09:23,664 --> 00:09:26,116
An uncharted desert island.
171
00:09:26,151 --> 00:09:28,569
This wasn't on any of my maps.
172
00:09:32,639 --> 00:09:33,739
Skipper!
173
00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:35,342
Over here, little buddy.
174
00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:43,884
Abandon ship.
175
00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:48,353
Pull yourself together,
Gilligan.
176
00:09:48,388 --> 00:09:50,257
We've got other passengers
to think about.
177
00:09:56,964 --> 00:09:59,116
Mr. Howell,
are you okay?
178
00:09:59,151 --> 00:10:01,233
Well, of course, Captain.
179
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:05,205
We Howells are made
from a hearty stock.
180
00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:07,074
My darling,
are you all right?
181
00:10:07,109 --> 00:10:11,477
Yes, Thurston,
I'm fine.
182
00:10:11,512 --> 00:10:15,214
Ha. Not you love,
I was talking to the money.
183
00:10:15,249 --> 00:10:19,953
Oh, boy, will you be a dear
and help us with our luggage?
184
00:10:19,988 --> 00:10:21,355
Yes, rich lady.
185
00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:32,782
Uh, Professor, do you
have any idea where we are?
186
00:10:32,817 --> 00:10:35,467
I mean, I'm only asking
'cause you're so smart,
187
00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:39,473
and I'm just a dumb girl from
the country with an amazing rack.
188
00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:42,941
I don't know.
189
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,776
One thing's for sure.
190
00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:47,381
Fixing that hole in that boat of
ours is way beyond our technology.
191
00:10:47,416 --> 00:10:50,117
Anyway, I'm gonna go find
some leaves and twigs-
192
00:10:50,152 --> 00:10:52,052
Build us a dentist's office.
193
00:10:56,824 --> 00:10:58,659
Hi, everybody.
I'm David.
194
00:10:58,694 --> 00:11:01,493
Hi, David.
195
00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:05,365
What am I doing here? I
don't even like this show.
196
00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:07,067
I wanted to be on
Friends.
197
00:11:10,571 --> 00:11:13,857
Well, the important thing
is that everybody is okay.
198
00:11:13,892 --> 00:11:17,144
Hey, where's that movie star?
I hope she's all right.
199
00:11:17,179 --> 00:11:19,112
She's so delicate.
200
00:11:28,222 --> 00:11:31,290
Hey, nice driving, Ahab.
201
00:11:31,325 --> 00:11:34,860
That was sure one fun
Carnival Cruise, huh?
202
00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:38,599
Soon as we get rescued, I'm gonna
strangle that bitch Kathie Lee.
203
00:11:48,242 --> 00:11:51,161
And in other news, the year-long
search for those castaways
204
00:11:51,196 --> 00:11:54,046
stranded in the South
Pacific has been discontinued
205
00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:58,452
by the Coast Guard due to
budget cuts and lack of interest.
206
00:12:00,187 --> 00:12:02,055
I don't believe it.
207
00:12:02,090 --> 00:12:03,257
Believe it.
208
00:12:06,026 --> 00:12:07,926
Lost and forgotten.
209
00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:12,499
I should have known better than
to sign with William Morris.
210
00:12:12,534 --> 00:12:14,885
I got problems of my own,
Ginger.
211
00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:17,202
Last night,
Mr. Howell asked me
212
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:19,406
for a romantic moonlight
stroll on the beach.
213
00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:27,014
Hi-ho, Commodore. How are
you and your little buddy?
214
00:12:27,049 --> 00:12:30,349
You better be talking
about Gilligan.
215
00:12:30,384 --> 00:12:34,121
Come along, Thurston. We don't
want to be late to the crab races.
216
00:12:34,156 --> 00:12:36,841
It's the sport of kings,
you know.
217
00:12:36,876 --> 00:12:39,526
Oh, boy! Hurry up with those crabs.
218
00:12:39,561 --> 00:12:42,196
Coming,
Mr. Howell.
219
00:12:42,231 --> 00:12:46,967
Aah!
220
00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:50,771
Here comes another Emmy.
221
00:12:55,509 --> 00:12:59,711
Oh, boy, Mary Ann.
I love coconut pie.
222
00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:02,950
Coconut, again? All we ever
eat around here is coconut.
223
00:13:02,985 --> 00:13:07,219
Isn't there some steak tree
on this damn island?
224
00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:10,357
All right, here's a question.
How come I'm Mary Ann, anyway?
225
00:13:10,392 --> 00:13:12,691
I've never been to Kansas.
I've never been on a farm.
226
00:13:12,726 --> 00:13:15,162
And I'm tired of everybody
thinking you're prettier than me.
227
00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:21,934
Deal with it, Dorothy.
228
00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:24,303
Or else I'll use
those pigtails to steer
229
00:13:24,338 --> 00:13:27,875
while I ride your hillbilly ass
all over this island.
230
00:13:31,245 --> 00:13:35,949
Where's the basement?
I can't find the basement.
231
00:13:37,651 --> 00:13:38,884
Hey, look, everybody.
232
00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:40,152
We'll finally be able
to leave the island.
233
00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:42,522
I pieced together the
windshield from the Minnow,
234
00:13:42,557 --> 00:13:44,858
and we can use that as a
reflector to signal planes.
235
00:13:44,893 --> 00:13:49,696
Skipper. Skipper.
No!
236
00:13:49,731 --> 00:13:53,298
Gilligan!
237
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:56,069
You better have a good
reason for all of this.
238
00:13:56,104 --> 00:13:57,903
I do. I do.
It's just-
239
00:13:57,938 --> 00:14:01,542
Slow down,
take a deep breath.
240
00:14:01,577 --> 00:14:04,276
Let it out.
241
00:14:04,311 --> 00:14:06,478
Now, what's going on,
Gilligan?
242
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:09,249
We're all gonna die, Skipper.
They say a typhoon's coming.
243
00:14:09,284 --> 00:14:11,016
What are you
talking about?
244
00:14:11,051 --> 00:14:13,687
The filling in my mouth picked up a
radio signal from a Coast Guard cutter.
245
00:14:13,722 --> 00:14:14,788
Listen.
246
00:14:17,291 --> 00:14:20,060
Hey, I once did a love scene
with Abe Vigoda,
247
00:14:20,095 --> 00:14:22,462
but I'm not going near
your mouth.
248
00:14:24,264 --> 00:14:26,398
Any minute now,
a small uncharted
249
00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:29,937
island in the Pacific
will be hit by a typhoon.
250
00:14:29,972 --> 00:14:32,871
Did someone say tycoon?
251
00:14:32,906 --> 00:14:34,740
Yeah, that is exactly
what they said.
252
00:14:34,775 --> 00:14:39,279
Any minute now the island will
be hit by a gigantic rich man.
253
00:14:39,314 --> 00:14:43,081
No, no!
Typhoon.
254
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:45,552
But what are the odds
that it'll hit this island?
255
00:14:45,587 --> 00:14:47,654
The odds are good.
256
00:14:47,689 --> 00:14:49,021
D'oh!
257
00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:51,158
I wouldn't really worry
about that storm, Skipper.
258
00:14:51,193 --> 00:14:52,424
Really? Why not?
259
00:14:52,459 --> 00:14:55,028
'Cause that volcano is gonna
finish us off first.
260
00:14:58,031 --> 00:15:03,570
Hello, Club Med!
I want my deposit back!
261
00:15:03,605 --> 00:15:05,037
If that volcano
is erupting,
262
00:15:05,072 --> 00:15:07,474
then it's only
a matter of minutes before-
263
00:15:07,509 --> 00:15:09,541
Whoa! Whoa!
264
00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:11,728
Earthquake!
Earthquake!
265
00:15:11,763 --> 00:15:13,846
Calm down,
little buddy.
266
00:15:13,881 --> 00:15:16,917
Well, I guess the good news is
that things couldn't get any worse.
267
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:26,827
So, it couldn't get
any worse, eh, Gilligan?
268
00:15:26,862 --> 00:15:28,427
Oh, it could get
way worse.
269
00:15:28,462 --> 00:15:32,533
I just heard on the radio that
Fox is doing my life story.
270
00:15:33,901 --> 00:15:35,400
What's so bad about that?
271
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:40,873
Four words: "Denny Dillon is Ginger. "
272
00:15:40,908 --> 00:15:44,778
Dear diary, Europe isn't
all it's cracked up to be.
273
00:15:44,813 --> 00:15:48,147
Hey, tall dark
and flesh-eating.
274
00:15:48,182 --> 00:15:50,450
You're about the sexiest
little cannibal I've ever seen.
275
00:15:50,485 --> 00:15:52,451
I can do wonders for
your career. Trust me.
276
00:15:52,486 --> 00:15:56,456
I've done it before, and with
people less civilized than you.
277
00:15:56,491 --> 00:15:57,990
Oogah booga booga!
278
00:15:58,025 --> 00:16:00,592
Ah, everybody
is a critic.
279
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:05,966
Ginger, I think the only
theater he's interested in is...
280
00:16:06,001 --> 00:16:07,701
dinner theater.
281
00:16:07,736 --> 00:16:09,001
Aah!
282
00:16:09,036 --> 00:16:13,172
You are so grounded.
283
00:16:13,207 --> 00:16:16,026
I cannot believe
I'm going to die like this.
284
00:16:16,061 --> 00:16:18,846
I hope I give your
whole village the trots.
285
00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:21,647
Hold it.
286
00:16:21,682 --> 00:16:24,349
Roseanne, that story is
absolutely ridiculous.
287
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:26,587
There's no way that would
happen in a million years.
288
00:16:26,622 --> 00:16:28,287
Oh, yeah?
289
00:16:28,322 --> 00:16:30,524
That's the same thing you said
about fat-free Fig Newtons.
290
00:16:30,559 --> 00:16:33,527
The point is, we can sail
around the world together,
291
00:16:33,562 --> 00:16:34,827
just the two of us.
292
00:16:34,862 --> 00:16:37,030
No, face it, Dan.
We're marooned in this house,
293
00:16:37,065 --> 00:16:40,400
and nobody is ever
gonna rescue us.
294
00:16:40,435 --> 00:16:43,521
That goes for me, you, D.J.,
295
00:16:43,556 --> 00:16:46,607
the new baby, and the rest.
296
00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:49,174
Fine.
297
00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:50,742
I'll just smash it up,
298
00:16:50,777 --> 00:16:53,113
leave it on the curb for the
garbage man to take it away.
299
00:16:53,148 --> 00:16:54,413
No.
Don't smash it up.
300
00:16:54,448 --> 00:16:56,950
Just leave it out there
and hope for pirates.
301
00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:08,862
Mom, I got apple stuck
in my teeth,
302
00:17:08,897 --> 00:17:10,329
and we don't have any floss,
303
00:17:10,364 --> 00:17:13,534
and I don't feel like using
the family toothbrush.
304
00:17:13,569 --> 00:17:15,234
Well, here.
305
00:17:15,269 --> 00:17:18,572
Use what I use when I got
something stuck in my tooth.
306
00:17:18,607 --> 00:17:20,024
What is it?
307
00:17:20,059 --> 00:17:21,901
Caramel.
308
00:17:21,936 --> 00:17:23,709
Hey.
309
00:17:23,744 --> 00:17:26,880
Well, I'll have a coffee with
cream and the check, please.
310
00:17:26,915 --> 00:17:28,447
I'm on my way to my job.
311
00:17:28,482 --> 00:17:30,984
I'm a management trainee
at the World of Pizza.
312
00:17:31,019 --> 00:17:33,487
What? You're going to
work at World of Pizza
313
00:17:33,522 --> 00:17:35,222
instead of going to Europe?
314
00:17:35,257 --> 00:17:36,522
Yeah.
315
00:17:36,557 --> 00:17:40,627
Does your love of cheese
know no bounds?
316
00:17:40,662 --> 00:17:42,161
You know, I thought about it,
317
00:17:42,196 --> 00:17:45,132
and I weighed the pros and
cons, and I decided not to go.
318
00:17:45,167 --> 00:17:46,698
Darlene...
319
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:49,067
Well, it was a stupid idea.
320
00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:51,503
Why are you ruining
this for him?
321
00:17:51,538 --> 00:17:54,306
Oh, come on, Mom. I mean, everybody
knows he'd have a terrible time.
322
00:17:54,341 --> 00:17:58,278
It is a well-known fact that people
from France hate people from Lanford.
323
00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:01,414
And he was planning
on backpacking.
324
00:18:01,449 --> 00:18:03,183
I mean, he doesn't
even own a backpack.
325
00:18:03,218 --> 00:18:04,516
That's bull, Darlene.
326
00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:07,087
Your father and I went to
Las Vegas with two Hefty bags,
327
00:18:07,122 --> 00:18:09,254
and we were proud to do it.
328
00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:12,259
Look, I just don't think
that he should go. Uh-huh.
329
00:18:14,661 --> 00:18:15,896
What's that?
330
00:18:15,931 --> 00:18:17,696
This?
331
00:18:17,731 --> 00:18:20,567
It's a hair net.
332
00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:25,706
I see.
Well, put it on.
333
00:18:25,741 --> 00:18:26,672
Mrs. Conner...
334
00:18:26,707 --> 00:18:28,408
No, go ahead.
Put it on.
335
00:18:34,882 --> 00:18:36,483
That is totally
embarrassing.
336
00:18:36,518 --> 00:18:38,752
He looks
like an idiot.
337
00:18:40,988 --> 00:18:44,825
You would prefer that he did
this instead of going to Europe?
338
00:18:46,193 --> 00:18:47,994
I gotta go to work,
Mrs. Conner.
339
00:18:48,029 --> 00:18:49,761
That's it.
No more discussions.
340
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:53,033
You know, over in France, they don't
care if you wear a hair net or not...
341
00:18:53,068 --> 00:18:54,801
except for under your arms.
342
00:18:56,937 --> 00:18:59,404
He still wants to go.
343
00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:00,773
Well, I don't want him to.
344
00:19:00,808 --> 00:19:02,893
I mean, we just got
back together, Mom.
345
00:19:02,928 --> 00:19:04,943
Come on, you gotta give
a guy his dreams.
346
00:19:04,978 --> 00:19:08,515
Then he won't notice that
you control his reality.
347
00:19:08,550 --> 00:19:10,751
Just stay out of this, okay?
348
00:19:10,786 --> 00:19:13,085
Oh, Darlene.
349
00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:17,157
Men have to do all this World of
Pizza-type stuff their whole lives.
350
00:19:17,192 --> 00:19:19,258
The only thing that
keeps them going is hope.
351
00:19:19,293 --> 00:19:23,330
So, no matter how stupid or ridiculous
or idiotic their dreams seem-
352
00:19:23,365 --> 00:19:25,232
I'll be back.
353
00:19:28,368 --> 00:19:31,171
Hey.
No, it isn't lumber yet.
354
00:19:31,206 --> 00:19:32,905
Look it, um, well,
355
00:19:32,940 --> 00:19:35,392
I've been thinking
and the truth of it is
356
00:19:35,427 --> 00:19:37,845
I'm actually very excited
and looking forward
357
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:40,948
to sailing off with you
into the sunset.
358
00:19:40,983 --> 00:19:41,980
What do you mean?
359
00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:44,034
Don't make me
actually say it.
360
00:19:44,069 --> 00:19:46,018
I can keep working
on the boat?
361
00:19:46,053 --> 00:19:47,920
Yeah, but put it together
out in the alley
362
00:19:47,955 --> 00:19:50,858
because I need the space in
here so I can work on my jet.
363
00:19:50,893 --> 00:19:52,192
Deal.
364
00:19:54,495 --> 00:19:55,729
Thanks, babe.
365
00:19:55,764 --> 00:19:56,964
Hey, Ginger.
366
00:19:56,999 --> 00:19:58,464
What?
367
00:19:58,499 --> 00:20:00,434
Why don't you throw on
a little sequin something
368
00:20:00,469 --> 00:20:02,703
and we'll play
"find the buried treasure"?
369
00:20:04,705 --> 00:20:08,475
Only if you're up for
a three-hour tour.
370
00:20:15,649 --> 00:20:18,552
Hey, kids!
Mom's home.
371
00:20:29,329 --> 00:20:31,897
Pork rinds light?
372
00:20:31,932 --> 00:20:34,901
Hey, Jackie,
what's going on out there?
373
00:20:34,936 --> 00:20:37,871
Where are you?
What's taking you so long?
374
00:20:49,416 --> 00:20:51,016
Well, Roseanne,
375
00:20:51,051 --> 00:20:55,789
I hope you didn't strain
yourself carrying that one bag.
376
00:20:55,824 --> 00:20:58,175
So I'm glad you decided
to let Dan, you know,
377
00:20:58,210 --> 00:21:00,492
keep working on his little
project in the garage.
378
00:21:00,527 --> 00:21:04,064
I mean, um, how much trouble
can you get into on a boat, huh?
379
00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:17,244
Hi, Mrs. Conner.
Have you seen my wife Becky?
380
00:21:17,279 --> 00:21:19,480
No, Mark.
She isn't in this episode.
381
00:21:19,515 --> 00:21:21,449
Well, she said
she needed some ice.
382
00:21:21,484 --> 00:21:23,383
You guys have
a recipe for that?
383
00:21:25,185 --> 00:21:26,887
Ah, I'm dumb.
384
00:21:28,455 --> 00:21:30,023
Hey, hey, hey.
Darlene!
385
00:21:38,832 --> 00:21:40,534
This family sucks.
386
00:21:43,070 --> 00:21:44,803
What's wrong,
Darlene?
387
00:21:44,838 --> 00:21:47,207
I thought you'd be happy now
that David's not going to Europe.
388
00:21:47,242 --> 00:21:49,877
Ugh. Aunt Jackie,
you need to shave.
389
00:21:51,845 --> 00:21:52,811
Hey, everybody.
390
00:21:52,846 --> 00:21:54,448
Hi, David.
Hi, David.
391
00:21:56,517 --> 00:21:58,318
We definitely watch
too much TV.
392
00:21:59,987 --> 00:22:03,357
Cut. God, I love this new writing.
393
00:22:03,392 --> 00:22:05,843
Where's my new writer?
394
00:22:05,878 --> 00:22:08,037
Sherwood. Sherwood!
395
00:22:08,072 --> 00:22:09,935
Sherwood Schwartz?
396
00:22:09,970 --> 00:22:11,798
Yes, Roseanne?
397
00:22:17,337 --> 00:22:18,904
This script is great.
398
00:22:18,939 --> 00:22:21,208
If it were a pie,
I'd eat it.
399
00:22:21,243 --> 00:22:22,741
Thanks, Rosie,
400
00:22:22,776 --> 00:22:25,345
but you can't stop a scene
in the middle like that.
401
00:22:25,380 --> 00:22:27,414
I'm the only one
who can do that.
402
00:22:27,449 --> 00:22:30,450
Oh, yeah?
You're fired.
403
00:22:31,618 --> 00:22:34,755
Give me the guy who
wrote The Brady Bunch.
404
00:22:34,790 --> 00:22:37,357
I'm afraid that's me, too.
405
00:22:38,725 --> 00:22:40,593
Great.
You're hired again.
406
00:22:40,628 --> 00:22:42,462
Welcome aboard.
Thank you.
407
00:22:45,866 --> 00:22:48,802
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