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1
00:00:01,434 --> 00:00:04,601
** [harmonica]
2
00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:07,868
** [TV, children's]
3
00:00:07,934 --> 00:00:09,868
Jackie, do we have
to watch this?
4
00:00:09,934 --> 00:00:12,767
Barney is making me very...
5
00:00:12,834 --> 00:00:16,267
very intensely angry.
6
00:00:16,334 --> 00:00:18,100
It is important for Andy.
7
00:00:18,167 --> 00:00:22,334
Unless you think
that he would learn more
watching Baywatch.
8
00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:24,033
Now, there's no point
teasing the boy.
9
00:00:24,100 --> 00:00:26,534
He doesn't get
to eat again
for another hour.
10
00:00:26,601 --> 00:00:28,901
[doorbell]
11
00:00:28,968 --> 00:00:31,367
[Bev]Jackie, guess who'scome to visit?
12
00:00:31,434 --> 00:00:32,734
[whispering]
God, it's Mom!
13
00:00:32,801 --> 00:00:35,234
Fred, hide, hide.
Keep your voice down.
14
00:00:35,300 --> 00:00:36,734
Your mother knows
about me, Jackie.
15
00:00:36,801 --> 00:00:38,300
You remember
she was at our wedding?
16
00:00:38,367 --> 00:00:40,400
That old woman
is not coming in here.
17
00:00:40,467 --> 00:00:42,400
I have told her before,
if she wants to come over,
18
00:00:42,467 --> 00:00:43,801
she has to call first.
19
00:00:43,868 --> 00:00:46,300
That way, we have
time to leave.
20
00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:50,200
I think you should
just let her in.
21
00:00:50,267 --> 00:00:52,501
Are you insane?
22
00:00:52,567 --> 00:00:55,434
There is a baby in here.
23
00:00:55,501 --> 00:00:56,968
[pounding at door]
24
00:00:57,033 --> 00:00:58,767
Jackie?I knowyou're in there.
25
00:00:58,834 --> 00:01:01,133
I can see your filthy carin the driveway.
26
00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:02,133
Damn it!
27
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:04,200
We have to start parking
down the street.
28
00:01:04,267 --> 00:01:05,834
Jackie, I know
you hate your mom,
29
00:01:05,901 --> 00:01:07,400
but I think
you're being selfish.
30
00:01:07,467 --> 00:01:08,601
I am not.
31
00:01:08,667 --> 00:01:10,934
I never said
you couldn't
hate her too.
32
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:12,801
[pounding at door]
Jackie!
33
00:01:12,868 --> 00:01:15,367
[knocking on door]
Fred?
34
00:01:15,434 --> 00:01:17,467
Well, I guessno one's home.
35
00:01:17,534 --> 00:01:19,901
I suppose I'll justwait it out in the cold
36
00:01:19,968 --> 00:01:21,467
until they show up.
37
00:01:21,534 --> 00:01:25,534
Burr. I wishI'd worn a sweater.
38
00:01:25,601 --> 00:01:29,434
Fred, turn on
the sprinkler.
39
00:01:29,501 --> 00:01:31,567
This is ridiculous.
No, Fred, please don't.
40
00:01:31,634 --> 00:01:33,434
[hissing]
Jackie, Jackie!
41
00:01:35,667 --> 00:01:37,133
Hi, Bev.
Come on in.
42
00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:39,601
So, you are home.
43
00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:41,567
Thank goodness
I wasn't Ed McMahon
44
00:01:41,634 --> 00:01:42,934
with a million-dollar check
45
00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:45,501
or you two would've
really missed the boat.
46
00:01:45,567 --> 00:01:48,000
Sorry, Mom.
We were taking a nap.
47
00:01:48,067 --> 00:01:49,400
Well, whatever
you were doing,
48
00:01:49,467 --> 00:01:52,434
I can see you weren't
busy cleaning.
49
00:01:52,501 --> 00:01:55,400
There's my little man.
[laughs]
50
00:01:55,467 --> 00:01:59,200
Come to Grandma,
fudgy-face.
51
00:01:59,267 --> 00:02:00,267
[baby coos]
52
00:02:00,334 --> 00:02:02,968
See, she's completely
harmless.
53
00:02:03,033 --> 00:02:04,934
It is like
radiation, Fred.
54
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:06,801
It may take 20 years,
but that baby
55
00:02:06,868 --> 00:02:09,767
is gonna pay the price
for this exposure.
56
00:02:09,834 --> 00:02:12,601
** [blues rock]
57
00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:56,801
[laughing]
58
00:03:03,834 --> 00:03:05,133
What are you doing?
59
00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:07,200
Oh, I got stuck
making this costume
60
00:03:07,267 --> 00:03:09,133
for D.J.'s school play.
61
00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:10,634
I don't know why
they can't just do
62
00:03:10,701 --> 00:03:12,801
Oh, Calcutta.
63
00:03:14,834 --> 00:03:17,701
Well, uh, Mom stopped
by the house again last night
64
00:03:17,767 --> 00:03:18,968
without calling first.
65
00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:21,901
I told you, a couple
of loose wires
in the doorbell
66
00:03:21,968 --> 00:03:23,934
and that'll
fix her right up.
67
00:03:25,801 --> 00:03:27,534
Fred just lets her
in the house.
68
00:03:27,601 --> 00:03:29,000
On purpose.
69
00:03:30,767 --> 00:03:33,033
I don't want her
around the baby,
70
00:03:33,100 --> 00:03:34,567
but Fred is obsessed
with our kid
71
00:03:34,634 --> 00:03:36,501
having a grandmother
around all the time.
72
00:03:36,567 --> 00:03:37,634
So what's wrong
with his mom?
73
00:03:37,701 --> 00:03:39,200
Oh--
[scoffs]
74
00:03:39,267 --> 00:03:41,100
Dead.
75
00:03:43,234 --> 00:03:45,801
Well, you know how men are
when they have babies.
76
00:03:45,868 --> 00:03:47,400
They get all sentimental
and everything.
77
00:03:47,467 --> 00:03:52,133
I remember when I had Becky.
Dan made me tell Mom.
78
00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:53,667
You know what Fred needs?
79
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:56,734
He needs to spend
a little more time with Mom.
80
00:03:56,801 --> 00:03:58,567
Hi, Mom.
81
00:03:58,634 --> 00:04:01,501
Um, you know, last week
me and Fred were talking
82
00:04:01,567 --> 00:04:03,667
about Great Uncle Saul
and I couldn't remember
83
00:04:03,734 --> 00:04:07,567
whether he had shingles
or phlebitis.
84
00:04:07,634 --> 00:04:09,501
Oh, the gout.
85
00:04:09,567 --> 00:04:11,767
Oh, that's fascinating.
86
00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:13,734
And I think Fred would think
it was fascinating too.
87
00:04:13,801 --> 00:04:15,567
You should give him a call.
He's home right now.
88
00:04:15,634 --> 00:04:17,934
Okay, I gotta go now.
Bye, Mom.
89
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,868
[laughs]
Oh-ho-ho...
90
00:04:19,934 --> 00:04:23,167
So, so nasty.
91
00:04:24,534 --> 00:04:25,567
[Dan]
Hey!
92
00:04:25,634 --> 00:04:28,300
Hey, Lancelot,
I finished your costume
93
00:04:28,367 --> 00:04:29,767
and I even put
shoulder pads in it
94
00:04:29,834 --> 00:04:32,133
so you'll look
nice and macho.
95
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,534
I'm not gonna be
in that dumb play!
96
00:04:34,601 --> 00:04:38,133
Well, fine, then you're gonna
wear it to soccer practice!
97
00:04:39,634 --> 00:04:41,501
What's wrong with him?
98
00:04:41,567 --> 00:04:42,901
Well, apparently
he has to kiss a girl
99
00:04:42,968 --> 00:04:44,467
in this play and he's
really upset about it.
100
00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:46,067
I know what he feels like.
101
00:04:46,133 --> 00:04:48,901
They made me kiss a boy
in a school play.
102
00:04:48,968 --> 00:04:51,467
Yeah, but nobody
made you sleep with him.
103
00:04:53,300 --> 00:04:55,868
I'll tell you what,
they wouldn't have had
to ask me twice.
104
00:04:55,934 --> 00:04:58,601
By the time I was 13,
I had kissed 7 girls.
105
00:04:58,667 --> 00:05:01,767
Yeah, two he wasn't
related to.
106
00:05:01,834 --> 00:05:04,267
Yeah. Well, the teacher says
he either kisses this girl
107
00:05:04,334 --> 00:05:05,667
or he's out of the play.
108
00:05:05,734 --> 00:05:09,601
Well, that's not fair.
He's just a little boy.
109
00:05:09,667 --> 00:05:11,267
I'm gonna go talk
to that teacher
110
00:05:11,334 --> 00:05:13,200
and tell her
what she can kiss.
111
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,734
Hey, Dan?
Yeah?
112
00:05:16,801 --> 00:05:19,701
You hate Mom,
don't you?
113
00:05:19,767 --> 00:05:21,000
Of course.
114
00:05:22,567 --> 00:05:24,667
God, I envy you.
115
00:05:32,901 --> 00:05:36,067
Hey, kid,
where's your teacher?
116
00:05:36,133 --> 00:05:39,200
I'll tell you
for a buck.
117
00:05:39,267 --> 00:05:41,267
Well, I don't have a buck
but how would you like
118
00:05:41,334 --> 00:05:43,701
a quarter shoved
up your nose?
119
00:05:43,767 --> 00:05:46,901
You're D.J.'s mom,
aren't you?
120
00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:49,601
Hi, I'm Mrs. Sims.
121
00:05:49,667 --> 00:05:52,000
Hi, I'm Mrs. Conner.
Can we talk?
122
00:05:52,067 --> 00:05:53,934
Certainly.
Sit down.
123
00:05:55,767 --> 00:05:58,667
Well, um...
124
00:05:58,734 --> 00:06:02,267
you know, it's about
that play that D.J.'s in,
125
00:06:02,334 --> 00:06:04,701
and he didn't know that
he had to kiss somebody
126
00:06:04,767 --> 00:06:06,434
and he's really
uncomfortable about it.
127
00:06:06,501 --> 00:06:07,868
D.J. knew about the kiss.
128
00:06:07,934 --> 00:06:09,300
He did?
129
00:06:09,367 --> 00:06:11,634
Yes, that's why he wanted
the part in the first place.
130
00:06:12,868 --> 00:06:14,234
Oh.
131
00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:17,000
Well, you know how kids change
their minds all the time.
132
00:06:17,067 --> 00:06:19,868
I mean, he, uh--
Just last week,
he hated all of us
133
00:06:19,934 --> 00:06:21,834
and he wanted
to run away from home.
134
00:06:21,901 --> 00:06:24,033
You know,
this week, he, uh--
135
00:06:24,100 --> 00:06:26,801
I guess that's not
a good example.
136
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:33,434
D.J. said you didn't
want him to kiss Gina.
137
00:06:33,501 --> 00:06:35,367
I'll just put
someone else in the part.
138
00:06:35,434 --> 00:06:37,934
Well, why can't you
just cut the kiss out?
139
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,033
I mean, if it didn't hurt
my wedding ceremony,
140
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:42,067
it ain't gonna hurt your play.
141
00:06:43,334 --> 00:06:45,567
I'm not going to change
the entire play
142
00:06:45,634 --> 00:06:47,968
because of certain
people's values.
143
00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:50,868
Well, um...
144
00:06:50,934 --> 00:06:53,167
I guess if he's forced
to kiss somebody,
145
00:06:53,234 --> 00:06:55,534
then I don't want him
to be in the stupid play.
146
00:06:55,601 --> 00:06:57,601
Where should I put
my costume, Mrs. Sims?
147
00:06:57,667 --> 00:07:00,067
Why don't you just put it
on the table, Gina?
148
00:07:02,567 --> 00:07:07,167
Uh...that wouldn't be
the Gina, would it?
149
00:07:07,234 --> 00:07:08,868
Why? You can't
tell them apart?
150
00:07:10,901 --> 00:07:13,968
Oh, you thought that
that's why D.J.
didn't want to--
151
00:07:14,033 --> 00:07:16,968
And then you thought I knew
and that I supported that.
152
00:07:17,033 --> 00:07:18,434
I see a lot of this
around here.
153
00:07:18,501 --> 00:07:20,934
It always starts
with the parents.
154
00:07:31,033 --> 00:07:34,133
Dan...
155
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:35,667
we've got a problem.
156
00:07:35,734 --> 00:07:38,334
Nothing that six more
of these won't cure.
157
00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:41,634
You know that
Gina girl in the play
158
00:07:41,701 --> 00:07:43,801
that D.J. doesn't
wanna kiss?
159
00:07:43,868 --> 00:07:45,067
She's Black.
160
00:07:45,133 --> 00:07:46,567
Oh.
161
00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:48,367
Yeah, so we've gotta
make him kiss her.
162
00:07:48,434 --> 00:07:50,834
Everybody will think
we're a bunch of racists.
163
00:07:50,901 --> 00:07:52,767
D.J., get down here!
Well, slow down.
164
00:07:52,834 --> 00:07:54,868
We don't know that's
why he won't kiss her.
165
00:07:54,934 --> 00:07:56,334
I'm sure he's got
a very good reason.
166
00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:58,100
I don't care
what his reason is.
167
00:07:58,167 --> 00:07:59,601
Everybody'll think
it's 'cause she's Black
168
00:07:59,667 --> 00:08:02,801
and then I will never
be able to buy sheets again.
169
00:08:02,868 --> 00:08:05,000
Sit down; I wanna
ask you some questions.
170
00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:07,534
Okay.
171
00:08:07,601 --> 00:08:09,234
Your dad and I
were wondering how come
172
00:08:09,300 --> 00:08:11,200
you don't wanna kiss
that girl in the play.
173
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,167
I don't know.
174
00:08:14,234 --> 00:08:16,033
Well, is it because
you're just not ready
175
00:08:16,100 --> 00:08:17,100
to kiss girls yet?
176
00:08:17,167 --> 00:08:19,434
No.
177
00:08:19,501 --> 00:08:21,200
Is she mean to you?
178
00:08:21,267 --> 00:08:22,834
No.
179
00:08:22,901 --> 00:08:23,934
Is she gross?
180
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,934
Does she pick her nose
and eat it?
181
00:08:28,634 --> 00:08:31,701
Does she have bad breath?
Does she have a mustache?
182
00:08:31,767 --> 00:08:34,734
Does she have a whole bunch
of extra arms or something?
183
00:08:34,801 --> 00:08:38,501
Son, no matter what it is,
you can tell us.
184
00:08:38,567 --> 00:08:42,033
Is it because she's Black?
185
00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:44,133
It is, isn't it?
186
00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:46,000
Well, you'll be mad
if I say "yes".
187
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:48,734
No, we won't.
Yes, we will.
188
00:08:50,133 --> 00:08:53,300
I didn't raise you
to be some little bigot.
189
00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:54,767
I just don't
wanna kiss her!
190
00:08:54,834 --> 00:08:57,133
Hey, Black people
are just like us.
191
00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:58,501
They're every bit
as good as us
192
00:08:58,567 --> 00:09:00,033
and any people
who don't think so
193
00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:01,601
is just a bunch
of banjo-pickin',
194
00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:04,567
cousin-datin',
barefoot embarrassments
195
00:09:04,634 --> 00:09:08,000
to respectable
white trash like us.
196
00:09:11,501 --> 00:09:13,300
I don't care.
I'm not doing it.
197
00:09:13,367 --> 00:09:14,400
Oh, yes, you are.
198
00:09:14,467 --> 00:09:15,634
Honey, you're
overreacting.
199
00:09:15,701 --> 00:09:17,267
D.J., if you don't
wanna kiss this girl,
200
00:09:17,334 --> 00:09:18,634
your mom and I
won't force you to.
201
00:09:18,701 --> 00:09:20,734
Hey, you're kissing that girl,
you're doing the play,
202
00:09:20,801 --> 00:09:22,133
and that's all
there is to it.
203
00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:23,767
Well, Dad said
I didn't have to
204
00:09:23,834 --> 00:09:25,834
and Dad outranks you.
205
00:09:29,534 --> 00:09:32,167
Are you new?
206
00:09:32,234 --> 00:09:35,267
I'm not doing anything
until Dad says I have to.
207
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:39,367
Well, isn't that great, Dan?
208
00:09:39,434 --> 00:09:41,601
Let's just make it easy
for our kid to be a bigot.
209
00:09:41,667 --> 00:09:43,033
Why don't you calm down?
210
00:09:43,100 --> 00:09:45,434
The subject is closed.
211
00:09:45,501 --> 00:09:47,367
Kissing that girl
is not gonna hurt him
212
00:09:47,434 --> 00:09:49,267
and that is exactly
what he's gonna do.
213
00:09:49,334 --> 00:09:51,300
I think you're being
a little too hard on the kid.
214
00:09:51,367 --> 00:09:53,934
He grew up in Lanford.
It's only five percent Black.
215
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:56,334
And kissing's
a new thing for D.J.
216
00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:58,133
It's only natural that
he's not as comfortable
217
00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,000
kissing a Black girl
as one of his own.
218
00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:01,667
I did not say that.
219
00:10:04,234 --> 00:10:06,400
Well, at least now I know
where he gets it.
220
00:10:06,467 --> 00:10:07,801
I'm not a racist.
221
00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:09,701
Yeah, neither
is your father!
222
00:10:09,767 --> 00:10:12,267
He always says he has
no problem with the coloreds.
223
00:10:12,334 --> 00:10:13,467
I'm not my father!
224
00:10:13,534 --> 00:10:15,167
If I knew you was gonna
be passing down
225
00:10:15,234 --> 00:10:16,634
your family's crap
to my kids,
226
00:10:16,701 --> 00:10:18,501
I would not be having
another one with you!
227
00:10:18,567 --> 00:10:20,033
Yeah, well,
D.J.'s got it easy!
228
00:10:20,100 --> 00:10:22,534
I'm supposed
to kiss you tonight!
229
00:10:25,934 --> 00:10:27,934
I hate White people.
230
00:10:36,767 --> 00:10:39,434
So Roseanne says I'm a bigot.
Do you think I'm a bigot?
231
00:10:39,501 --> 00:10:43,000
If I say "yes", you'll stop
doing the minstrel show.
232
00:10:43,067 --> 00:10:45,801
Knock it off, Marvin.
I'm serious.
233
00:10:45,868 --> 00:10:47,868
I mean,
she thinks that D.J.
234
00:10:47,934 --> 00:10:50,400
could be getting racist
attitudes from me.
235
00:10:50,467 --> 00:10:52,868
Dan, that's a pretty
gray area.
236
00:10:52,934 --> 00:10:55,300
Personally,
I probably would've felt
the same way you did.
237
00:10:55,367 --> 00:10:57,367
Well, that makes me
feel better.
238
00:10:57,434 --> 00:11:00,634
You're not a bigot,
are you?
239
00:11:00,701 --> 00:11:02,100
The kid's just scared.
240
00:11:02,167 --> 00:11:03,801
I don't think
you should force him.
241
00:11:03,868 --> 00:11:06,834
Hey, man, any of you guys
ever been with a Black woman?
242
00:11:06,901 --> 00:11:08,501
[clears throat]
Well...
243
00:11:08,567 --> 00:11:12,667
there was this one girl
in Atlantic City one time,
244
00:11:12,734 --> 00:11:15,267
looked just like that nurse,
used to be on television,
245
00:11:15,334 --> 00:11:16,667
you know, that Julia?
246
00:11:16,734 --> 00:11:20,467
I mean this girl had legs
that went on--
247
00:11:20,534 --> 00:11:21,501
Hey, Chuck!
248
00:11:21,567 --> 00:11:23,834
[all greeting Chuck loudly]
249
00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:25,968
Well.
250
00:11:27,133 --> 00:11:28,734
So, go on.
251
00:11:28,801 --> 00:11:31,801
Legs that go on
forever and...
252
00:11:31,868 --> 00:11:36,267
She...was a very lovely woman
and we had a very nice time.
253
00:11:38,634 --> 00:11:41,234
You're a wild man, Marvin.
254
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:44,734
So, what's with the extra
poker game this week?
255
00:11:44,801 --> 00:11:47,334
Roseanne finally come
to her senses and leave you?
256
00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,400
[chuckles]
257
00:11:49,467 --> 00:11:50,667
Believe me,
if Roseanne left me,
258
00:11:50,734 --> 00:11:51,934
you'd all be
a lot prettier
259
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:53,634
and the opening bet
would be two panties.
260
00:11:53,701 --> 00:11:56,033
[laughing]
261
00:11:56,100 --> 00:11:57,767
Well...
262
00:11:57,834 --> 00:11:59,200
actually, Chuck,
me and the guys
263
00:11:59,267 --> 00:12:00,501
was just talking
about something.
264
00:12:00,567 --> 00:12:04,033
Hey, I should probably get
your opinion about this.
265
00:12:04,100 --> 00:12:05,234
What?
266
00:12:05,300 --> 00:12:07,267
Well, uh, D.J.'s
in this play at school
267
00:12:07,334 --> 00:12:09,267
and he's supposed
to kiss this girl,
268
00:12:09,334 --> 00:12:11,601
and he doesn't want to
because she's Black.
269
00:12:11,667 --> 00:12:15,334
And...I didn't think he'd be
getting this stuff from me,
270
00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,501
but where else could
he be getting it from?
271
00:12:17,567 --> 00:12:19,701
He could be getting
that stuff from anywhere.
272
00:12:19,767 --> 00:12:21,634
I mean, has he been
talking to Marvin?
273
00:12:21,701 --> 00:12:24,667
All right.
274
00:12:24,734 --> 00:12:26,133
No, I'm serious, Chuck.
275
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,501
I really want
your opinion on this.
276
00:12:28,567 --> 00:12:30,367
Well, my opinion
is you should hold your cards
277
00:12:30,434 --> 00:12:32,434
where Fred can't see 'em.
278
00:12:35,367 --> 00:12:37,601
No, I mean, you know,
we don't know
he's prejudiced.
279
00:12:37,667 --> 00:12:39,033
I mean,
the kid is young,
280
00:12:39,100 --> 00:12:41,801
he hasn't had
much exposure
to other cultures.
281
00:12:41,868 --> 00:12:45,300
Other cultures?
282
00:12:45,367 --> 00:12:46,300
Why?
283
00:12:46,367 --> 00:12:49,934
Is the Black girl
from China?
284
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:52,634
No, I just don't think
you should force a kid
285
00:12:52,701 --> 00:12:55,734
to kiss someone that's--
I mean, you know,
286
00:12:55,801 --> 00:13:01,033
you grow up
in a certain--
with other--
287
00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:03,200
This is a very gray area.
Guys, help me out here.
288
00:13:05,100 --> 00:13:07,501
Personally, I don't think
there could be a gray area
289
00:13:07,567 --> 00:13:11,100
when it comes
to respecting
human beings.
290
00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:21,100
Chuck, you understand
what I'm saying here?
291
00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:25,234
Well...you're saying
that it's okay
292
00:13:25,300 --> 00:13:27,901
that D.J. doesn't want
to kiss this girl
because she's Black?
293
00:13:27,968 --> 00:13:29,367
No, I'm not--I'm not
saying that at all.
294
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:30,901
Oh, but that's what
you want me to say.
295
00:13:30,968 --> 00:13:33,167
No!
296
00:13:33,234 --> 00:13:36,334
I mean, unless you
really feel it.
297
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:38,767
Man, why do you care
how I feel
298
00:13:38,834 --> 00:13:40,868
so much more
than everyone else?
299
00:13:40,934 --> 00:13:42,067
Because I'm Black?
300
00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:46,901
Well, yeah.
301
00:13:46,968 --> 00:13:49,834
So if I feel okay,
all Black people
302
00:13:49,901 --> 00:13:52,067
will feel okay
'cause we all the same?
303
00:13:52,133 --> 00:13:54,934
I would never say that.
Oh, of course not!
304
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,501
Some of your best friends
are Black.
305
00:13:57,567 --> 00:13:59,267
Yes, you're one
of my best friends.
306
00:13:59,334 --> 00:14:00,334
That's why you're here.
307
00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:01,968
Okay, then why
is Bob here?
308
00:14:02,033 --> 00:14:03,868
D.J.'s gotta kiss
a dumb girl too?
309
00:14:03,934 --> 00:14:05,567
No offense, Bob.
Hey!
310
00:14:07,334 --> 00:14:11,267
Hey, hey, guys,
this is supposed to be fun.
311
00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:15,801
Let's just play
the damn game.
312
00:14:15,868 --> 00:14:17,801
Check.
The pot's light.
313
00:14:17,868 --> 00:14:19,400
I'm wanna ante too.
314
00:14:19,467 --> 00:14:21,434
Who wants to open?
Give me three.
315
00:14:21,501 --> 00:14:23,400
Two.
316
00:14:29,634 --> 00:14:31,701
Hey.
317
00:14:33,133 --> 00:14:34,634
How's the comic book?
318
00:14:34,701 --> 00:14:35,968
This one guy
just tore off
319
00:14:36,033 --> 00:14:38,067
the other guy's arm
with his bare hands.
320
00:14:38,133 --> 00:14:40,667
Let me see that.
321
00:14:40,734 --> 00:14:42,400
Cool.
322
00:14:43,834 --> 00:14:47,200
Listen, Deej, uh...
323
00:14:47,267 --> 00:14:50,567
you know, sometimes
parents do certain things
324
00:14:50,634 --> 00:14:52,167
or they act a certain way
325
00:14:52,234 --> 00:14:53,834
and they don't realize
it's wrong
326
00:14:53,901 --> 00:14:56,234
until they see
their kids doing it.
327
00:14:56,300 --> 00:14:57,367
You understand?
328
00:14:57,434 --> 00:15:00,501
Is this about peeing
behind the garage?
329
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:04,834
No, but stop doing it.
You're killing the tomatoes.
330
00:15:04,901 --> 00:15:08,300
Uh, anyway, I think
somewhere along the way here,
331
00:15:08,367 --> 00:15:10,601
I might have...
332
00:15:10,667 --> 00:15:13,968
given you the wrong idea
about Black people.
333
00:15:15,534 --> 00:15:17,968
And your mom was right.
I don't wanna kiss Gina!
334
00:15:18,067 --> 00:15:19,901
Hey, tough.
You're doin' it.
I hate you!
335
00:15:19,968 --> 00:15:21,901
Well, fine!
You don't have
to kiss me!
336
00:15:23,534 --> 00:15:25,200
She just looks
real different.
337
00:15:25,267 --> 00:15:26,567
It's only skin.
338
00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:28,534
It's not just her skin.
339
00:15:28,601 --> 00:15:30,467
She talks with
kind of an accent
340
00:15:30,534 --> 00:15:32,067
and her hair's
kinda different
341
00:15:32,133 --> 00:15:33,200
and her lips
are different.
342
00:15:33,267 --> 00:15:35,434
Yeah, and, and...
343
00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:37,267
you're probably
different heights.
344
00:15:37,334 --> 00:15:38,934
You know?
345
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:42,868
And your hair's brown
and your friend Ralphy's
hair is that red.
346
00:15:42,934 --> 00:15:44,801
My eyes are blue
and your mom's eyes
347
00:15:44,868 --> 00:15:48,400
are whatever the hell
color they are.
348
00:15:48,467 --> 00:15:50,968
What if it feels weird?
349
00:15:51,067 --> 00:15:52,801
Look, son...
350
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:56,834
I can't let you
get out of this.
351
00:15:56,901 --> 00:15:58,901
Because that
would be wrong.
352
00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:01,934
But I'm afraid of what
the other kids will say.
353
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,968
Oh, the other kids.
354
00:16:04,033 --> 00:16:06,801
Well, they're gonna be
extremely jealous.
355
00:16:06,868 --> 00:16:09,534
Because you're a Conner.
356
00:16:09,601 --> 00:16:13,734
[affecting French accent]
And Conner men are known as some
of the world's best kissers.
357
00:16:17,567 --> 00:16:19,133
Okay, I'll do it.
358
00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:21,000
Good.
359
00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:23,000
You know, D.J.,
you're gonna kiss
a lot of girls
360
00:16:23,067 --> 00:16:25,133
in your life
and they're all
gonna be different.
361
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:28,267
Well, do you think I should
even kiss Lila Matthews?
362
00:16:28,334 --> 00:16:30,334
What's different about her?
363
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:33,267
Well, Ralph says
she uses her tongue.
364
00:16:36,801 --> 00:16:39,400
I'd go for it.
365
00:16:46,033 --> 00:16:49,367
Oh, wow, Roseanne,
we had a great night.
366
00:16:49,434 --> 00:16:50,567
What's so great about it?
367
00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:53,000
We had all them
people to wait on.
368
00:16:58,634 --> 00:17:00,467
Well...
369
00:17:02,434 --> 00:17:03,834
Why don't we
close up early,
you know?
370
00:17:03,901 --> 00:17:05,501
'Cause it's only
15 minutes.
371
00:17:05,567 --> 00:17:07,734
Yeah, sure.
What the hell.
372
00:17:07,801 --> 00:17:11,701
We opened 15 minutes late,
so it'll all balance out.
373
00:17:11,767 --> 00:17:15,567
You know, I am really
very proud of Dan.
374
00:17:15,634 --> 00:17:17,801
admitting that
he was kind of prejudice.
375
00:17:17,868 --> 00:17:19,434
It just goes to show
you're never too old
376
00:17:19,501 --> 00:17:21,167
to learn something new
about yourself.
377
00:17:21,234 --> 00:17:22,634
[phone ringing]
Yeah, like,
just the other day
378
00:17:22,701 --> 00:17:26,167
when I learned
I was married to a cracker.
379
00:17:26,234 --> 00:17:27,501
Lunchbox.
380
00:17:27,567 --> 00:17:29,934
Hi, Fred.
381
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,634
No, I think
that's a good idea.
382
00:17:32,701 --> 00:17:34,634
Mm-hmm. Mom loves
to have company
383
00:17:34,701 --> 00:17:37,000
when she has a pedicure.
384
00:17:37,067 --> 00:17:39,033
Well, you two
have a good time.
385
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:40,667
Yes, I love you too.
386
00:17:40,734 --> 00:17:42,534
Okay, bye.
387
00:17:42,601 --> 00:17:45,167
Hope they file off a toe.
388
00:17:45,234 --> 00:17:47,734
Are Harold and Maude
still seeing each other?
389
00:17:47,801 --> 00:17:49,434
It's--it's weird.
390
00:17:49,501 --> 00:17:52,968
Fred must see something
in Mom that we don't see.
391
00:17:53,033 --> 00:17:55,501
But...maybe there
is some teeny, tiny
392
00:17:55,567 --> 00:17:59,634
decent human part
buried deep...
393
00:17:59,701 --> 00:18:01,467
very deep inside her.
394
00:18:01,534 --> 00:18:05,167
Don't idealize
your mother, Jackie.
395
00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:08,467
Maybe she acts
different around him.
396
00:18:08,534 --> 00:18:11,567
Why else would he like her?
397
00:18:11,634 --> 00:18:12,567
I don't know.
398
00:18:12,634 --> 00:18:14,968
Maybe he sees her
and he thinks
399
00:18:15,033 --> 00:18:16,767
of something good
from his childhood.
400
00:18:16,834 --> 00:18:19,267
Like maybe one time
some screeching old harpy
401
00:18:19,334 --> 00:18:21,300
saved his life or something.
402
00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:23,434
[knocking at door]
403
00:18:23,501 --> 00:18:26,033
Oh, my God,
another customer.
404
00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:27,400
How many people
have to eat here
405
00:18:27,467 --> 00:18:30,701
before word gets out
about the food?
406
00:18:33,734 --> 00:18:35,667
Hello.
407
00:18:35,734 --> 00:18:36,868
Hi.
408
00:18:36,934 --> 00:18:40,300
Hi, would you
let me in, please?
409
00:18:42,100 --> 00:18:44,667
Uh, we're closed.
410
00:18:44,734 --> 00:18:47,601
Yeah, well it says here
you're open till 10:00.
411
00:18:47,667 --> 00:18:50,234
Yeah, but see, we had
a really busy day
412
00:18:50,300 --> 00:18:53,200
and we ran out of food.
413
00:18:53,267 --> 00:18:55,300
[bangs]
Uh-huh.
414
00:18:55,367 --> 00:18:57,534
Whew.
[expels breath]
415
00:18:57,601 --> 00:18:58,534
He's scary.
416
00:18:58,601 --> 00:18:59,968
Sounded like it.
417
00:19:00,033 --> 00:19:01,801
I did the right thing,
didn't I?
418
00:19:01,868 --> 00:19:04,167
Well, you said
he was scary.
Yeah.
419
00:19:04,234 --> 00:19:05,601
[banging loudly]
420
00:19:07,534 --> 00:19:09,400
Hey, I think I should
tell you something.
421
00:19:09,467 --> 00:19:12,534
I'm Mr. Williams,
Gina's father.
422
00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:17,501
Oh, well, come on in.
423
00:19:17,567 --> 00:19:19,567
I'm Roseanne Conner.
424
00:19:19,634 --> 00:19:23,067
Why didn't you just say
that you were Gina's father?
425
00:19:23,133 --> 00:19:25,000
You need to know
all your customer's names
426
00:19:25,067 --> 00:19:28,267
before they come in
to your restaurant?
427
00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:31,801
Hey, Mr. Williams,
you think that you know
what happened
428
00:19:31,868 --> 00:19:33,200
but that wasn't
what happened.
429
00:19:33,267 --> 00:19:36,033
No, she didn't do that
because you are...
430
00:19:36,100 --> 00:19:37,234
African American.
431
00:19:37,300 --> 00:19:38,701
She did that because
you're a man.
432
00:19:38,767 --> 00:19:42,300
Yeah, and I'm prejudiced
against all men equally.
433
00:19:44,033 --> 00:19:46,033
That's real funny.
434
00:19:46,100 --> 00:19:49,534
Hey, we're women, you know?
And it's night.
435
00:19:49,601 --> 00:19:51,701
This is, like,
a matter of safety.
436
00:19:51,767 --> 00:19:52,801
And in situations
like that,
437
00:19:52,868 --> 00:19:54,634
I just gotta go
with my gut instinct.
438
00:19:54,701 --> 00:19:58,133
Well, I guess your kid
inherited your instincts.
439
00:19:58,200 --> 00:19:59,400
What?
440
00:19:59,467 --> 00:20:01,634
There's no way that
that's anything like this.
441
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:02,934
Fine.
442
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,300
Mr. Williams, come on,
I'm sure you didn't
443
00:20:05,367 --> 00:20:06,634
come here to fight.
444
00:20:06,701 --> 00:20:08,400
Well, just forget
about it anyway.
445
00:20:08,467 --> 00:20:10,567
There's probably just no way
you're ever going to see
446
00:20:10,634 --> 00:20:11,834
where I'm coming from.
447
00:20:11,901 --> 00:20:13,267
You know, that's funny.
448
00:20:13,334 --> 00:20:15,133
I was gonna say
the same thing to you.
449
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:26,300
Well, I think
he blew that
out of proportion.
450
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,400
I mean,
you invited him in.
451
00:20:31,467 --> 00:20:33,534
You tried to make it
up to him.
452
00:20:35,334 --> 00:20:37,033
You know,
if he was a White guy
453
00:20:37,100 --> 00:20:39,534
with the exact same build
in those exact same clothes,
454
00:20:39,601 --> 00:20:41,801
you would've done
the exact same thing.
455
00:20:44,434 --> 00:20:47,300
Yeah, well, I'm glad
one of us is sure.
456
00:20:47,367 --> 00:20:50,334
Well, now don't
beat yourself up
over it, Roseanne.
457
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,334
You know, anybody else
would've done
458
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:54,200
just what you did.
459
00:20:56,667 --> 00:20:59,701
Well, isn't that great?
460
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,367
You know, dear...
461
00:21:13,434 --> 00:21:15,300
you really should
get in the habit
462
00:21:15,367 --> 00:21:18,701
of using a coaster,
even with this furniture.
463
00:21:21,300 --> 00:21:22,934
Thank you, Mother.
464
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:24,601
Do we have to watch
this nature crap?
465
00:21:24,667 --> 00:21:26,400
Oh, that's right.
466
00:21:26,467 --> 00:21:29,067
You never liked
educational programs.
467
00:21:29,133 --> 00:21:32,367
Good thing it didn't
affect your career.
468
00:21:32,434 --> 00:21:34,467
Hey, Jackie,
you should see this.
469
00:21:34,534 --> 00:21:37,033
In order to claim
the carcass
entirely for itself,
470
00:21:37,100 --> 00:21:39,467
the vulture emits
these piercing cries,
471
00:21:39,534 --> 00:21:42,334
sending all the other animals
running for their lives.
472
00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:45,868
No, thanks.
I'm familiar
with the concept.
473
00:21:48,167 --> 00:21:49,734
I'm going to bed.
474
00:21:49,801 --> 00:21:51,267
That's a good idea.
475
00:21:51,334 --> 00:21:54,100
You've been looking
extremely tired lately.
476
00:21:54,167 --> 00:21:57,033
Perhaps some cucumbers
for your eyes.
477
00:21:57,100 --> 00:22:00,133
I assume you at least keep
vegetables in the house.
478
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:03,834
Yes, Mother,
I keep them on the couch.
479
00:22:07,300 --> 00:22:10,567
Good night, dear.
480
00:22:10,634 --> 00:22:12,701
The coast is clear.
481
00:22:12,767 --> 00:22:15,200
[deeper voice]
Ugh, thank God.
482
00:22:16,634 --> 00:22:19,267
Pass me a brewksi.
483
00:22:19,334 --> 00:22:20,567
I didn't think
I could keep up
484
00:22:20,634 --> 00:22:23,334
that annoying voice
another minute.
485
00:22:25,334 --> 00:22:27,234
Does anybody else
know the real you?
486
00:22:28,868 --> 00:22:32,467
Now that wouldn't be
much fun, would it?
487
00:22:32,534 --> 00:22:34,033
[opens beer can]
488
00:22:36,901 --> 00:22:38,567
[belches]
489
00:22:38,634 --> 00:22:41,067
Ah.
490
00:22:41,133 --> 00:22:43,400
So, you want a coaster?
491
00:22:43,467 --> 00:22:47,467
[laughing]
492
00:22:54,868 --> 00:22:57,801
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