All language subtitles for roseanne.706

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic Download
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish Download
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,334 --> 00:00:07,234 SO, FRED AND I WERE TALKING, AND WE DECIDED 2 00:00:07,234 --> 00:00:09,133 THIS YEAR FOR HALLOWEEN INSTEAD OF CANDY, 3 00:00:09,133 --> 00:00:10,634 WE'RE GONNA GIVE OUT CARROT STICKS. 4 00:00:10,634 --> 00:00:11,868 YEAH, WE'RE GOING HEALTHY, TOO. 5 00:00:11,868 --> 00:00:14,901 WE'RE GIVING OUT FILTERED CIGARETTES. 6 00:00:14,901 --> 00:00:16,334 HEY, ROSE. 7 00:00:16,334 --> 00:00:17,534 TRICK OR TREAT, HONEY. 8 00:00:17,534 --> 00:00:21,534 NO, SHE DON'T TURN TRICKS AT WORK NO MORE. 9 00:00:21,534 --> 00:00:22,834 I'LL GET YOUR LUNCHES. 10 00:00:22,834 --> 00:00:25,334 WELL, IF IT'S NOON AND IT'S 40 POUNDS, 11 00:00:25,334 --> 00:00:27,834 IT MUST BE THE CITY GARAGE BOYS. 12 00:00:27,834 --> 00:00:29,601 HELLO, FRED. 13 00:00:29,601 --> 00:00:30,734 LEON. 14 00:00:30,734 --> 00:00:32,000 YOUR FRIES WILL BE OUT IN A MINUTE. 15 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:34,534 YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU EAT LIKE THIS 16 00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:36,167 AND STILL MAINTAIN THAT... 17 00:00:36,167 --> 00:00:38,100 BODY. 18 00:00:38,100 --> 00:00:39,934 HA HA...HA. 19 00:00:42,267 --> 00:00:44,200 JUST LUCKY, I GUESS. RIGHT, HONEY? 20 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:46,701 I'D HAVE TO SAY SHE'S THE LUCKY ONE. 21 00:00:48,934 --> 00:00:51,968 WELL, REMEMBER, LADIES, WE CLOSE AT 2:00 TOMORROW 22 00:00:51,968 --> 00:00:55,234 SO I CAN PREPARE FOR MY HALLOWEEN SOIREE. 23 00:00:55,234 --> 00:00:57,234 YOU MIGHT WANT TO USE THAT TIME TO WORK ON YOUR COSTUMES 24 00:00:57,234 --> 00:00:59,734 BECAUSE THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE 25 00:00:59,734 --> 00:01:02,234 ONE OF YOUR LAME LITTLE LODGE PARTIES. 26 00:01:02,234 --> 00:01:04,567 HEY, OUR LODGE PARTIES WERE NOT LAME. 27 00:01:04,567 --> 00:01:07,000 THE COPS HAD TO COME EVERY YEAR. 28 00:01:08,567 --> 00:01:10,067 PLEASE, ROSEANNE. 29 00:01:10,067 --> 00:01:13,067 EVERYONE KNOWS THAT HALLOWEEN IS OUR HOLIDAY. 30 00:01:13,067 --> 00:01:14,467 I CAN'T BELIEVE THE BREEDERS 31 00:01:14,467 --> 00:01:17,367 ARE TRYING TO TAKE BACK HALLOWEEN. 32 00:01:17,367 --> 00:01:19,067 OH, PLEASE. 33 00:01:19,067 --> 00:01:20,667 I WAS DOING HALLOWEEN 34 00:01:20,667 --> 00:01:24,100 SINCE BEFORE THERE EVEN WERE ANY GAY PEOPLE. 35 00:01:24,100 --> 00:01:26,767 ROSEANNE, LEON IS THE QUEEN 36 00:01:26,767 --> 00:01:28,200 OF HALLOWEEN. 37 00:01:30,234 --> 00:01:31,601 YOU WISH. 38 00:01:31,601 --> 00:01:33,267 I'M THE QUEEN OF HALLOWEEN. 39 00:01:33,267 --> 00:01:34,834 AND I AM NOT ABOUT TO GIVE UP MY CROWN 40 00:01:34,834 --> 00:01:38,167 TO ANY MARY COME LATELY. 41 00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:41,267 WELL, I CERTAINLY HOPE 42 00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:43,534 THAT YOU CAN MAKE THE PARTY. 43 00:01:43,534 --> 00:01:46,033 I DON'T THINK SO, I'M REALLY NOT MUCH FOR PARTIES, 44 00:01:46,033 --> 00:01:48,467 AND BESIDES, I HAVE A THING. 45 00:01:48,467 --> 00:01:51,734 WELL, THAT'S PERFECT. THEY'RE LOOKING FOR GUYS WITH THINGS. 46 00:01:53,868 --> 00:01:55,968 HEY, DON'T WORRY, BIG GUY. 47 00:01:55,968 --> 00:01:58,133 WE DON'T BITE. 48 00:01:58,133 --> 00:02:01,200 HARD AS IT IS NOT TO SOMETIMES. 49 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:03,467 YOU KNOW, LEON, I'M NOT COMING TO THE PARTY. 50 00:02:03,467 --> 00:02:05,968 IF I DID COME, I'D COME WITH MY WIFE 51 00:02:05,968 --> 00:02:07,601 WHO I SLEEP WITH, 52 00:02:07,601 --> 00:02:10,467 AND I HAVE SEX WITH. LOTS OF SEX. 53 00:02:10,467 --> 00:02:11,968 THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY. 54 00:02:11,968 --> 00:02:14,701 SO JUST GIVE ME SOME SPACE. 55 00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:16,901 YES, SIR. 56 00:02:27,801 --> 00:02:33,133 HA. METHINKS YOUNG FRED DOTH PROTEST TOO MUCH. 57 00:02:33,133 --> 00:02:34,200 WHAT'S HE MEAN? 58 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:35,200 WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY 59 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:38,000 ABOUT GUYS WHO WHINE ABOUT GAY MEN. 60 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,133 NO, WHAT DO THEY SAY? 61 00:02:39,133 --> 00:02:42,767 THE SQUEAKY WHEEL WANTS TO GET GREASED. 62 00:02:44,634 --> 00:02:47,501 OOH, OOH, OOH. 63 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,667 GHOSTS, GOBLINS, AND GHOULS. 64 00:02:49,667 --> 00:02:53,000 SPOOKY, SPOOKY. 65 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:56,601 MOM, SHOULDN'T YOU BE HOME, DRINKING ALONE? 66 00:02:58,367 --> 00:03:01,400 FYI, NANCY'S FIXING ME A TAKEOUT, 67 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:04,367 AND YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY PRANKSTER AFOOT THIS YEAR. 68 00:03:04,367 --> 00:03:07,200 I'VE COOKED UP A LITTLE SCHEME FOR EACH OF MY DAUGHTERS, 69 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,400 SO BOOGIE, BOOGIE, BOOGIE. 70 00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:12,534 I HOPE YOU'RE NOT GOING TO FAKE YOUR DEATH AGAIN THIS YEAR, 71 00:03:12,534 --> 00:03:14,234 GOD, THAT WAS SUCH A DISAPPOINTMENT. 72 00:03:14,234 --> 00:03:17,534 WHY, ROSEANNE, I SEE YOU'RE ALREADY GETTING INTO COSTUME. 73 00:03:17,534 --> 00:03:20,701 YOU GOT A BIG PATCH OF GRAY RIGHT THERE. 74 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:24,067 OH, I GET IT. YEAH. MY HAIR'S GRAY, 75 00:03:24,067 --> 00:03:25,567 MY REFRIGERATOR'S RUNNING, 76 00:03:25,567 --> 00:03:27,234 I HAVE PRINCE ALBERT IN THE CAN. 77 00:03:27,234 --> 00:03:30,100 GOD, WILL IT NEVER CEASE WITH YOU, MOTHER? 78 00:03:30,100 --> 00:03:31,167 OH, PIFFLE. 79 00:03:31,167 --> 00:03:33,667 THAT GRAY HAIR CERTAINLY ISN'T MY WORK. 80 00:03:33,667 --> 00:03:35,467 MY LITTLE TRICK ON YOU 81 00:03:35,467 --> 00:03:39,300 WILL PUT THE "O" IN HALLOWEEN. 82 00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:41,767 HERE YOU GO, BEV. WE RAN OUT OF NAPKINS, 83 00:03:41,767 --> 00:03:44,000 SO I THREW IN A COUPLE OF EXTRA BUNS FOR YOU. 84 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,133 IF I'M GOING TO EAT ALL THIS, 85 00:03:46,133 --> 00:03:48,167 I CERTAINLY DON'T HAVE ROOM 86 00:03:48,167 --> 00:03:50,067 FOR THIS CAN OF PEANUT BRITTLE. 87 00:03:50,067 --> 00:03:52,067 JACKIE, YOU USED TO BE SO FOND OF IT-- 88 00:03:52,067 --> 00:03:54,133 OH, HEY! MOM... 89 00:03:54,133 --> 00:03:56,701 AND WE GOT YOU YOUR FAVORITE MACADAMIA NUTS. 90 00:03:56,701 --> 00:03:57,734 MACADAMIA NUTS. 91 00:03:57,734 --> 00:04:00,567 THEY ARE, YOU KNOW, MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE. 92 00:04:00,567 --> 00:04:02,234 YUMMY, YUMMY, YUM-- 93 00:04:02,234 --> 00:04:04,901 OH, SNAKES! AH! 94 00:04:07,133 --> 00:04:11,434 FINE! YOU'VE RUINED AN OLD WOMAN'S PRANK. 95 00:04:11,434 --> 00:04:13,601 I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY. 96 00:04:13,601 --> 00:04:16,100 WHY MUST YOU TORMENT ME? 97 00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:18,167 WHY? 98 00:04:20,434 --> 00:04:21,934 WELL, MOM'S CRYING. 99 00:04:21,934 --> 00:04:24,868 HALLOWEEN HAS OFFICIALLY BEGUN. 100 00:05:17,968 --> 00:05:19,400 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LET MOM TALK YOU 101 00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:21,234 INTO COMING TO HER OLD BIDDY SALON. 102 00:05:21,234 --> 00:05:23,167 LOOK AT THESE WOMEN. 103 00:05:25,167 --> 00:05:28,667 YOU KNOW,THEY SAY YOUR HAIR KEEPS GROWING AFTER YOU DIE, 104 00:05:28,667 --> 00:05:31,267 AND APPARENTLY IT'S TRUE. 105 00:05:31,267 --> 00:05:32,901 HEY, JACKIE! 106 00:05:32,901 --> 00:05:33,901 KYLE! 107 00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:34,968 HI. HI. 108 00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:37,167 MWAH. MWAH. 109 00:05:37,167 --> 00:05:38,667 GOOD TO SEE YOU, GIRLFRIEND. 110 00:05:38,667 --> 00:05:40,601 GOOD TO SEE YOU. 111 00:05:44,934 --> 00:05:46,701 IS THAT YOUR OLD BOYFRIEND? 112 00:05:46,701 --> 00:05:48,267 NO, THAT'S A BUDDY OF FRED'S. 113 00:05:48,267 --> 00:05:50,701 I THINK THEY PLAY SOFTBALL TOGETHER. 114 00:05:50,701 --> 00:05:53,834 OH, REALLY? WAS FRED PITCHING OR CATCHING? 115 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:57,501 YOU KNOW, LEON IS WRONG. 116 00:05:57,501 --> 00:05:59,400 FRED DOES NOT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH GAY PEOPLE. 117 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:01,434 HE'S BEEN FRIENDS WITH KYLE FOR YEARS. 118 00:06:01,434 --> 00:06:03,868 Kyle: DOLL, THOSE STREAKS ARE TO DIE! 119 00:06:05,634 --> 00:06:08,167 WELL, MAYBE HE JUST DIDN'T KNOW THAT HE WAS GAY. 120 00:06:09,901 --> 00:06:11,367 HI, I'M ANTONIO. 121 00:06:11,367 --> 00:06:13,334 HOW MUCH COLOR ARE WE TALKING TODAY? 122 00:06:13,334 --> 00:06:17,467 WELL, NOT A LOT. I JUST WANT TO GO BACK TO MY NATURAL COLOR-- 123 00:06:17,467 --> 00:06:18,434 HAWAIIAN. 124 00:06:21,434 --> 00:06:24,334 BOY, YOU REALLY DO HAVE A LOT OF GRAY UP THERE. 125 00:06:24,334 --> 00:06:26,033 OUR MOTHER WENT GRAY VERY SUDDENLY. 126 00:06:26,033 --> 00:06:27,267 OH, REALLY? 127 00:06:27,267 --> 00:06:29,133 WELL, YEAH. THAT WAS THE DAY SHE FOUND MY UNDERWEAR 128 00:06:29,133 --> 00:06:31,033 IN THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT. 129 00:06:31,033 --> 00:06:34,934 NO, WHAT I MEANT IS HAIR IS HEREDITARY ON THE MOTHER'S SIDE, 130 00:06:34,934 --> 00:06:36,133 SO WHATEVER HAPPENED TO YOUR MOM 131 00:06:36,133 --> 00:06:38,567 IS PROBABLY GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU. 132 00:06:38,567 --> 00:06:41,734 OH, GREAT. I'M GOING TO FIND A BUFFALO HEAD NICKEL 133 00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:45,367 AND TALK ABOUT IT FOR 25 YEARS. 134 00:06:45,367 --> 00:06:46,801 WELL, LOOK AT THESE. I GUESS THERE'S 135 00:06:46,801 --> 00:06:48,534 WORSE THINGS THAN GOING GRAY. 136 00:06:48,534 --> 00:06:51,033 THAT LOOKS JUST LIKE MOM'S HAIR. 137 00:06:51,033 --> 00:06:53,534 ROSEANNE, THAT IS EXACTLY LIKE MOM'S HAIR. 138 00:06:53,534 --> 00:06:56,067 SAME EXACT COLOR. SAME EXACT STYLE. 139 00:06:56,067 --> 00:07:00,100 ROSEANNE, THAT IS MOM'S HAIR! 140 00:07:00,100 --> 00:07:02,467 OUR MOM WEARS A WIG. YOU THINK SHE'S BALD? 141 00:07:02,467 --> 00:07:04,300 NO WAY. 142 00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:06,801 IF SHE'S BALD, THAT MEANS THAT WE COULD GO BALD. 143 00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:08,634 THIS IS HER HAIR. 144 00:07:08,634 --> 00:07:10,133 LOOK--LOOK AT THIS. 145 00:07:12,601 --> 00:07:14,367 [IMITATING BEV] OH, ROSEANNE! 146 00:07:18,100 --> 00:07:21,534 A WOMAN OF YOUR SIZE SHOULDN'T WEAR HORIZONTAL STRIPES. 147 00:07:21,534 --> 00:07:24,434 YOU SHOULD WEAR BLACK OR STAY HOME. 148 00:07:24,434 --> 00:07:26,601 AND ANOTHER THING, DEAR. I DON'T MEAN TO ALARM YOU, 149 00:07:26,601 --> 00:07:29,868 BUT I THINK YOUR LITTLE D.J. MIGHT BE RETARDED. 150 00:07:38,100 --> 00:07:40,133 HEY, MARK, HOW COME EVERYBODY'S TALKING 151 00:07:40,133 --> 00:07:41,634 ABOUT LEON'S HALLOWEEN PARTY 152 00:07:41,634 --> 00:07:43,400 LIKE IT'S GONNA BE SO DIFFERENT? 153 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:45,033 WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? 154 00:07:45,033 --> 00:07:48,467 WELL, SEE, THERE ARE GOING TO BE A LOT PEOPLE THERE THAT ARE... 155 00:07:48,467 --> 00:07:51,467 YOU KNOW, SORT OF--UH... 156 00:07:51,467 --> 00:07:53,133 D.J., GET OUT OF HERE NOW. 157 00:07:53,133 --> 00:07:55,033 WAIT A MINUTE. MARK, THAT'S TERRIBLE. 158 00:07:55,033 --> 00:07:56,767 WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL HIM THE TRUTH? 159 00:07:56,767 --> 00:07:59,367 'CAUSE I CAN'T TELL HIM ABOUT THAT. 160 00:07:59,367 --> 00:08:01,200 ANY GUY WHO'S COMFORTABLE WITH HIMSELF 161 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:05,133 DOESN'T HAVE A PROBLEM TALKING ABOUT THIS. D.J., SIT DOWN. 162 00:08:05,133 --> 00:08:06,534 WHAT MARK MEANT TO TELL YOU 163 00:08:06,534 --> 00:08:08,400 IS THAT LEON'S PARTY IS GONNA BE DIFFERENT 164 00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:10,167 'CAUSE THERES GONNA BE A LOT OF GAY PEOPLE THERE. 165 00:08:10,167 --> 00:08:13,133 OH. WHAT DOES GAY MEAN? 166 00:08:18,667 --> 00:08:20,334 [CLEARS THROAT] UH... 167 00:08:21,801 --> 00:08:25,167 WELL, THAT'S A FINE QUESTION, D.J. 168 00:08:26,734 --> 00:08:28,601 UM, SEE, 169 00:08:28,601 --> 00:08:31,901 SOMETIMES BOYS HAVE BOYFRIENDS, 170 00:08:31,901 --> 00:08:33,501 AND, UH, 171 00:08:33,501 --> 00:08:35,501 SOMETIMES GIRLS HAVE GIRLFRIENDS, 172 00:08:35,501 --> 00:08:37,567 AND THESE PEOPLE ARE CALLED GAY. 173 00:08:37,567 --> 00:08:40,100 WELL, I HAVE BOYS WHO ARE FRIENDS. 174 00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:41,534 WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? 175 00:08:43,767 --> 00:08:45,367 ALL RIGHT. UM... 176 00:08:46,634 --> 00:08:49,467 SEE, UH, 177 00:08:49,467 --> 00:08:52,367 BOYS WHO HAVE BOYFRIENDS... 178 00:08:53,868 --> 00:08:56,901 DO THINGS WITH-- WITH THEIR FRIENDS 179 00:08:56,901 --> 00:08:58,901 THAT A BOY WHO HAS A FRIEND 180 00:08:58,901 --> 00:09:00,834 WHO JUST HAPPENS TO BE A BOY 181 00:09:00,834 --> 00:09:02,934 WOULD PROBABLY NEVER DO. 182 00:09:07,701 --> 00:09:09,033 I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 183 00:09:09,033 --> 00:09:10,100 YEAH, ME, NEITHER. 184 00:09:17,067 --> 00:09:19,434 SEE... 185 00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:22,367 WHEN TWO MEN LOVE EACH OTHER, 186 00:09:22,367 --> 00:09:25,701 THEY, UH, LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE, 187 00:09:25,701 --> 00:09:29,234 THEY LIKE TO SHARE EACH OTHER'S FEELINGS 188 00:09:29,234 --> 00:09:31,100 FOR ONE ANOTHER... 189 00:09:31,100 --> 00:09:34,400 THROUGH... 190 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:38,501 BEAUTIFUL EXPRESSIONS OF, UH... 191 00:09:39,901 --> 00:09:42,334 PHYSICAL LOVE. 192 00:09:42,334 --> 00:09:45,200 HOW DO THEY DO THAT? 193 00:09:47,334 --> 00:09:49,234 IF A GUY'S COMFORTABLE WITH HIMSELF, 194 00:09:49,234 --> 00:09:53,067 HE ISN'T AFRAID TO TALK ABOUT THIS, YOU FRUIT. 195 00:09:53,067 --> 00:09:55,100 OK. UH... 196 00:09:56,968 --> 00:09:58,200 SEE... 197 00:09:59,434 --> 00:10:01,434 ONE GUY WILL, UH... 198 00:10:06,667 --> 00:10:10,300 UH, HE AND THE OTHER GUY... 199 00:10:10,300 --> 00:10:12,968 THEY, UH... 200 00:10:15,901 --> 00:10:20,067 SEE, WHAT THEY DO IS, UH... 201 00:10:20,067 --> 00:10:21,701 OH, GOD, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY DO! 202 00:10:21,701 --> 00:10:23,067 LEAVE ME ALONE, D.J. 203 00:10:27,467 --> 00:10:30,801 THAT WAS GREAT. I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO START CRYING. 204 00:10:30,801 --> 00:10:32,033 LET'S GO DOWN TO THE ARCADE. 205 00:10:32,033 --> 00:10:33,968 WE CAN LISTEN TO IT AGAIN ON THE WAY. 206 00:10:33,968 --> 00:10:35,901 [TAPE REWINDING] 207 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:47,701 Dan: YEAH, HOW'S IT GOING? 208 00:10:47,701 --> 00:10:50,200 HEY, HOW YOU DOING? GOOD TO SEE YOU. 209 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,167 YEAH, HOW YOU DOING, BUD? 210 00:10:54,467 --> 00:10:56,634 ROSEANNE, I THINK THESE GUYS ARE CHECKING ME OUT. 211 00:10:56,634 --> 00:10:58,701 NO ONE CAN TELL WE'RE A COUPLE. 212 00:10:58,701 --> 00:11:00,567 OUR COSTUMES SHOULD HAVE HAD A THEME. 213 00:11:00,567 --> 00:11:03,567 THEY DO. I'M PRINCE, AND YOU'RE THE DUKE. 214 00:11:05,834 --> 00:11:07,234 EXCUSE ME, COWBOY. 215 00:11:15,167 --> 00:11:17,667 DIANA ROSS JUST WINKED AT ME. 216 00:11:17,667 --> 00:11:20,000 REALLY? IT'S A GUY, DAN. 217 00:11:21,701 --> 00:11:25,234 THAT CAN'T BE A GUY. HE'S GOT BREASTS. 218 00:11:25,234 --> 00:11:26,934 REALLY BEAUTIFUL BREASTS. 219 00:11:28,868 --> 00:11:30,367 WELL, SURE, THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL NOW, 220 00:11:30,367 --> 00:11:32,667 BUT JUST WAIT TILL HE HAS A COUPLE OF KIDS. 221 00:11:34,567 --> 00:11:37,367 HEY, THERE'S MOM. 222 00:11:37,367 --> 00:11:40,133 LOOK, I TOLD YOU THAT THAT HAIR CANNOT BE REAL. 223 00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:41,701 LOOK AT THAT. 224 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:45,834 EVEN WILLIAM SHATNER WOULD MAKE FUN OF THAT PIECE. 225 00:11:45,834 --> 00:11:48,834 COME ON, ROSEANNE. IT'S THE SAME HAIR SHE'S ALWAYS HAD. 226 00:11:48,834 --> 00:11:50,567 WELL, THAT IS PRECISELY MY POINT. 227 00:11:50,567 --> 00:11:52,701 I MEAN, HER FACE LOOKS LIKE A DRIED-UP OLD APPLE, 228 00:11:52,701 --> 00:11:55,501 AND SHE'S GOT THE SAME HAIRDO FOR 20 YEARS. 229 00:11:55,501 --> 00:11:57,300 GO OVER THERE AND START TALKING TO HER AND DISTRACT HER 230 00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,834 SO I CAN GET IN THERE FOR A CLOSER LOOK. 231 00:11:58,834 --> 00:12:00,834 AW, DON'T MAKE ME TALK TO HER. 232 00:12:00,834 --> 00:12:03,400 HOW ABOUT IF I JUST KNOCK HER UNCONSCIOUS, 233 00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:05,868 AND YOU RIP HER HAIR OFF? 234 00:12:05,868 --> 00:12:08,834 YOO-HOO, ROSEANNE! 235 00:12:08,834 --> 00:12:10,634 FORGET ABOUT GOING BALD. 236 00:12:10,634 --> 00:12:13,234 WORRY ABOUT INHERITING THAT VOICE. 237 00:12:13,234 --> 00:12:15,734 WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY HOBO COSTUME? 238 00:12:15,734 --> 00:12:18,234 WELL, I THINK IT'S GREAT, BUT, UM, 239 00:12:18,234 --> 00:12:20,901 YOU SHOULD LET ME STRAIGHTEN UP YOUR HAIR 'CAUSE IT'S KINDA MESSY. 240 00:12:20,901 --> 00:12:23,968 IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE MESSY. I'M A VAGABOND. 241 00:12:23,968 --> 00:12:27,934 I RIDE THE RAILS AND LIVE BY MY WITS. 242 00:12:27,934 --> 00:12:30,801 I KNOW, BUT LET ME STRAIGHTEN IT 'CAUSE IT'S TILTED. 243 00:12:30,801 --> 00:12:33,400 I DO NOT NEED YOUR HELP. 244 00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:41,200 WELL. 245 00:12:42,467 --> 00:12:46,367 WELL, YOUR PARTY IS IN FULL SWISH. 246 00:12:46,367 --> 00:12:50,434 LET'S SEE. ALL IN PURPLE, LET ME GUESS. 247 00:12:50,434 --> 00:12:54,200 YOU'RE EITHER ONE OF THE CALIFORNIA RAISINS 248 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:55,701 OR BARNEY. 249 00:12:58,601 --> 00:12:59,934 AND I KNOW WHO YOU ARE. 250 00:12:59,934 --> 00:13:01,868 YOU'RE BECKY'S GYM TEACHER. 251 00:13:03,567 --> 00:13:06,834 NO, I THINK YOU KNOW WHO I AM. HMM? 252 00:13:06,834 --> 00:13:10,400 MANY IN WASHINGTON FEEL I HAVE TOO MUCH POWER, 253 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:13,567 AND I CONTROL THE PRESIDENT. HMM? 254 00:13:13,567 --> 00:13:16,801 I ALWAYS WEAR SENSIBLE BUT FEMININE DRESSES. 255 00:13:16,801 --> 00:13:18,734 J. EDGAR HOOVER? 256 00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:23,634 NO. 257 00:13:23,634 --> 00:13:25,968 I'M HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON. 258 00:13:25,968 --> 00:13:27,968 HOOVER WOULD NEVER WEAR TAUPE. 259 00:13:27,968 --> 00:13:29,801 HE WAS AN AUTUMN. 260 00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:34,300 * HAPPY BIRTHDAY * 261 00:13:34,300 --> 00:13:37,701 * MR. PRESIDENT * 262 00:13:37,701 --> 00:13:41,167 * HAPPY BIRTHDAY * 263 00:13:41,167 --> 00:13:43,634 * TO YOU * 264 00:13:43,634 --> 00:13:46,000 MWAH. I LOVE YOU, JACK. 265 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:49,100 WHO ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE? 266 00:13:49,100 --> 00:13:51,801 LET ME GIVE YOU A HINT. 267 00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:58,200 GOOD-BYE, NORMA JEAN. 268 00:14:10,467 --> 00:14:14,534 HOLY RENTED COSTUMES, BATMAN. 269 00:14:14,534 --> 00:14:16,367 IT WAS THE ONLY WAY I COULD GET HIM TO COME. 270 00:14:16,367 --> 00:14:18,868 HE THINKS A SUPERHERO COSTUME MAKES HIM LOOK MACHO. 271 00:14:18,868 --> 00:14:21,601 FRED, STOP HIDING BEHIND THE CAPE. 272 00:14:21,601 --> 00:14:22,701 I DON'T WANT THESE GUYS 273 00:14:22,701 --> 00:14:24,534 CHECKING OUT MY UTILITY BELT. 274 00:14:25,734 --> 00:14:26,868 HEY, FRED. 275 00:14:26,868 --> 00:14:29,267 HEY, HOW YOU DOING? CAN WE GO NOW? 276 00:14:29,267 --> 00:14:31,868 NO! WE'RE HAVING FUN. 277 00:14:33,534 --> 00:14:34,801 HOW'S IT GOING, FRED? 278 00:14:34,801 --> 00:14:37,400 HEY, DAVE. 279 00:14:41,267 --> 00:14:43,534 EXCUSE ME. 280 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,067 THAT'S A GREAT COSTUME, UH, DAVE, IS IT? 281 00:14:53,067 --> 00:14:54,267 UH-HUH. 282 00:14:54,267 --> 00:14:55,901 HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN FRED? 283 00:14:55,901 --> 00:14:57,734 I USED TO KNOW HIM BEFORE HE STOPPED 284 00:14:57,734 --> 00:15:00,901 COMING TO THE BARS AND EVERYTHING. 285 00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:04,968 ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME THAT FRED IS GAY? 286 00:15:04,968 --> 00:15:08,501 HONEY, I CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S TRYING TO BE STRAIGHT. 287 00:15:15,267 --> 00:15:16,767 OK, GUYS AND GALS, 288 00:15:16,767 --> 00:15:18,801 YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS. 289 00:15:18,801 --> 00:15:21,567 OH, GREAT. ARE WE GOING TO CANE SOMEBODY? 290 00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:25,634 NO, IT'S LIMBO TIME. 291 00:15:27,534 --> 00:15:29,100 HAVE YOU SEEN FRED? 292 00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:30,634 UM, NO. 293 00:15:30,634 --> 00:15:33,033 I, UH-- I HAVE TO FIND DAN. 294 00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:35,601 Dan: THE OLD SQUAD HAD THIS CRAB-STYLE, IT WAS JUST, BOP! 295 00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,467 DAN, DAN, DAN, I GOTTA SEE YOU ALONE 296 00:15:37,467 --> 00:15:39,267 IN THE KITCHEN RIGHT NOW. 297 00:15:39,267 --> 00:15:41,934 AH, SURE, LITTLE LADY. THIS COWPOKE WOULDN'T MIND 298 00:15:41,934 --> 00:15:44,534 A LITTLE RIDE ON THE RANGE. 299 00:15:50,934 --> 00:15:52,067 OH! 300 00:15:54,634 --> 00:15:57,968 DAN, FRED IS GAY. 301 00:15:57,968 --> 00:15:59,367 WHAT? 302 00:15:59,367 --> 00:16:01,501 I WAS JUST TALKING TO THIS DIANA ROSS GUY, 303 00:16:01,501 --> 00:16:04,234 AND HE SAID THAT FRED USED TO BE GAY. 304 00:16:04,234 --> 00:16:06,534 FRED? FRED'S NOT GAY. 305 00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:10,300 FRED IS GAY, OK? HE'S THE GAYEST. 306 00:16:10,300 --> 00:16:13,467 HE'S GAY, GAY, GAY, GAY, GAY. 307 00:16:13,467 --> 00:16:16,334 I GET IT. 308 00:16:16,334 --> 00:16:20,133 OLD DANNY BOY'S NOT FALLING FOR THE OLD FRED-IS-GAY PRANK. 309 00:16:20,133 --> 00:16:22,067 YOU DID A LOT BETTER WHEN YOU GOT THAT DOCTOR 310 00:16:22,067 --> 00:16:24,000 TO TELL YOUR MOM SHE ONLY HAD A WEEK TO LIVE. 311 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,367 DAN, THAT IS NOT MY PRANK 312 00:16:26,367 --> 00:16:28,934 BECAUSE THIS IS MY PRANK. 313 00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:34,501 WOW, GOOD PRANK, ROSEANNE. 314 00:16:34,501 --> 00:16:37,834 MRS. CONNER, CAN I GET DOWN NOW? I CAN'T FEEL MY TOES. 315 00:16:39,767 --> 00:16:41,334 SHUT UP! 316 00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,234 NOW DO YOU BELIEVE ME? 317 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:47,834 FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T BELIEVE YOU. 318 00:16:47,834 --> 00:16:50,300 SECOND OF ALL, IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. 319 00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:52,334 JACKIE HAS TO KNOW, DAN. 320 00:16:52,334 --> 00:16:54,834 I MEAN, YOU CAN GO STICK YOUR HEAD IN THE SAND ALL YOU WANT, 321 00:16:54,834 --> 00:16:58,300 BUT I WOULD NOT DO IT AROUND FRED IF I WAS YOU. 322 00:17:07,801 --> 00:17:09,968 UH, HEY, LEON, WHERE'S JACKIE AND FRED? 323 00:17:09,968 --> 00:17:12,701 UH, FRED RAN OUT, AND JACKIE RAN AFTER HIM. 324 00:17:12,701 --> 00:17:14,200 I THINK THE CAPED CRUSADER 325 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,367 WAS AFRAID OF BEING UNMASKED. 326 00:17:16,367 --> 00:17:18,868 OH, LEON, PUT A SOCK IN IT. 327 00:17:18,868 --> 00:17:21,501 DON'T NEED TO. 328 00:17:27,868 --> 00:17:29,067 [KNOCKING] 329 00:17:29,067 --> 00:17:31,367 YEAH? 330 00:17:31,367 --> 00:17:33,634 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 331 00:17:33,634 --> 00:17:37,300 UM, WELL, I HEARD THAT YOU AND FRED RAN OUT OF THE PARTY, 332 00:17:37,300 --> 00:17:40,067 AND SO, I WAS JUST KIND OF WORRIED. 333 00:17:40,067 --> 00:17:41,234 ARE YOU GUYS OK? 334 00:17:41,234 --> 00:17:42,801 YEAH. HE WENT STRAIGHT TO BED. 335 00:17:42,801 --> 00:17:44,868 I DON'T--SOMETHING UPSET HIM AT THE PARTY. 336 00:17:44,868 --> 00:17:47,767 WELL, I WANT TO ASK YOUR ADVICE ABOUT SOMETHING. 337 00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:50,734 UM, AT THE PARTY TONIGHT, YOU KNOW? 338 00:17:50,734 --> 00:17:52,400 THERE WAS THIS GUY, YOU KNOW? 339 00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:54,400 AND, UM, I, UM-- 340 00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:57,400 I FOUND OUT THAT HE'S REALLY GAY. 341 00:17:57,400 --> 00:18:01,200 AND, I MEAN, HE'S A NICE GUY, SEE, BUT HE'S MARRIED. 342 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:04,167 AND I DON'T THINK HE'S TOLD HIS WIFE THE TRUTH. 343 00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:05,734 OH, WOW. 344 00:18:05,734 --> 00:18:08,033 YEAH. SO, DO YOU THINK I SHOULD TELL HER? 345 00:18:08,033 --> 00:18:10,267 WELL, I DON'T KNOW. THAT'S A HARD ONE. 346 00:18:10,267 --> 00:18:11,534 NO, I WOULDN'T. 347 00:18:11,534 --> 00:18:14,033 WELL, I WOULD. FRED IS GAY. 348 00:18:16,267 --> 00:18:17,801 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 349 00:18:17,801 --> 00:18:20,601 JUST A LOT OF GUYS AT THE PARTY, THEY KNOW FRED, 350 00:18:20,601 --> 00:18:23,901 LIKE YOU KNOW HIM, YOU KNOW? I MEAN, A DIFFERENT SIDE OF HIM. 351 00:18:23,901 --> 00:18:26,000 THAT'S RIDICULOUS! 352 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:29,501 PLEASE. THERE IS NO WAY THAT FRED COULD BE GAY. 353 00:18:29,501 --> 00:18:31,868 I MEAN, THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS 354 00:18:31,868 --> 00:18:33,934 THAT A WIFE KNOWS ABOUT HER HUSBAND. 355 00:18:33,934 --> 00:18:36,167 OK. JUST THINK ABOUT IT FOR A MINUTE, JACKIE. 356 00:18:36,167 --> 00:18:39,334 HAVEN'T YOU EVER NOTICED ANYTHING A LITTLE ODD ABOUT FRED? 357 00:18:39,334 --> 00:18:41,434 NO. LIKE WHAT? 358 00:18:41,434 --> 00:18:45,100 LIKE WHEN HE CAME BACK FROM CHICAGO WITH THAT HAIRCUT. 359 00:18:45,100 --> 00:18:48,300 FRED LIKES TO TRY NEW THINGS. 360 00:18:48,300 --> 00:18:51,267 WITH HIS HAIR. ONLY WITH HIS HAIR. 361 00:18:51,267 --> 00:18:53,300 WELL, YOU KNOW, HE'S ONLY SLEPT WITH 3 WOMEN 362 00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:56,200 IN HIS WHOLE LIFE, RIGHT? SO THAT LEAVES A LOT OF FREE NIGHTS. 363 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:59,167 AND YOU KNOW THAT HE'S ALWAYS ADMIRED YOUR BOYISH FIGURE. 364 00:18:59,167 --> 00:19:01,601 THAT DOESN'T PROVE ANYTHING, ROSEANNE. 365 00:19:01,601 --> 00:19:03,767 DIDN'T HE TAKE YOU TO SEE 366 00:19:03,767 --> 00:19:06,567 THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT, PART III? 367 00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,434 OH, MY GOD! 368 00:19:28,734 --> 00:19:30,434 GO AWAY. GO AWAY! 369 00:19:30,434 --> 00:19:33,634 LEAVE US ALONE. WE ARE AS GOD MADE US. 370 00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:39,167 OH, HO, HO! 371 00:19:39,167 --> 00:19:40,767 WE'RE EVERYWHERE, ROSEANNE. 372 00:19:40,767 --> 00:19:44,334 OK, I PROPOSE A TOAST TO THE ALL-TIME GREATEST PRANK 373 00:19:44,334 --> 00:19:47,200 IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE. 374 00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:51,367 ROSEANNE, COME ON. COME ON BACK. 375 00:19:51,367 --> 00:19:52,968 THINK WE WENT TOO FAR? 376 00:19:52,968 --> 00:19:57,200 I DON'T KNOW. DAN, YOU THINK WE SHOULD HAVE WORN PANTS? 377 00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:59,534 NOT NOW, FRED. WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT IN THE SHOWER. 378 00:19:59,534 --> 00:20:01,501 ROSIE! 379 00:20:01,501 --> 00:20:04,133 COME ON, DON'T BE MAD. IT WAS JUST A JOKE. 380 00:20:04,133 --> 00:20:07,033 GREAT PICTORIAL FOR THE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER. 381 00:20:21,901 --> 00:20:23,400 HEY, DAN, IF YOU'RE STILL GAY, 382 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:27,901 I COULD GO FOR A MIMOSA AND SOME EGGS FLORENTINE. 383 00:20:27,901 --> 00:20:29,567 I DON'T COOK FOR YOU. 384 00:20:29,567 --> 00:20:31,767 I'M FRED'S BITCH. 385 00:20:31,767 --> 00:20:34,000 ADMIT IT, ROSEANNE. WE GOT YOU. 386 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,667 YOU WERE TOTALLY FREAKED. 387 00:20:35,667 --> 00:20:37,234 YOU KNOW, THE REALLY AMAZING THING 388 00:20:37,234 --> 00:20:38,734 WAS NOT THAT DAN WAS GAY, 389 00:20:38,734 --> 00:20:41,901 BUT THAT HE WOULD BE ATTRACTED TO FRED. 390 00:20:41,901 --> 00:20:44,667 I HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU, MISSY! 391 00:20:44,667 --> 00:20:47,100 YOU KNOW, MOM, NO ONE WRITES LETTERS ANYMORE. 392 00:20:47,100 --> 00:20:48,901 AND I THINK YOU'RE JUST THE PERSON 393 00:20:48,901 --> 00:20:51,167 TO REVIVE THAT LOST ART. 394 00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:54,200 I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU WENT 395 00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,267 TO MY BEAUTY PARLOR YESTERDAY 396 00:20:56,267 --> 00:21:00,634 AND ASKED ANTONIO ABOUT MY HAIR. 397 00:21:00,634 --> 00:21:02,400 YOU WENT BACK THERE? 398 00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:04,968 OH, CHILL OUT, MOM. HE DIDN'T TELL ME ANYTHING. 399 00:21:04,968 --> 00:21:08,167 YOU'VE GOT THE ONLY HAIRDRESSER IN TOWN THAT DOESN'T DISH. 400 00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:11,100 HOW COULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT? 401 00:21:11,100 --> 00:21:14,934 I MEAN, IT'S ONE THING TO EMBARRASS ME IN FRONT OF MY FAMILY, 402 00:21:14,934 --> 00:21:17,868 BUT IN FRONT OF MY HAIRDRESSER? 403 00:21:17,868 --> 00:21:21,100 I MEAN, DON'T YOU HAVE ANY DECENCY? HOW DARE YOU! 404 00:21:21,100 --> 00:21:23,901 WELL, MOM, IT'S NO BIG DEAL. I WAS JUST CURIOUS. 405 00:21:23,901 --> 00:21:26,467 DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW 406 00:21:26,467 --> 00:21:28,834 WHAT'S GOING ON UNDER THIS HAIR? 407 00:21:28,834 --> 00:21:30,200 YOU WANT THE TRUTH? 408 00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:31,434 WELL, YEAH. 409 00:21:31,434 --> 00:21:34,400 FINE. FACE YOUR FUTURE, ROSEANNE. 410 00:21:36,601 --> 00:21:39,067 AAH! 411 00:21:39,067 --> 00:21:41,467 [CRYING] 412 00:21:48,934 --> 00:21:50,267 DON'T FEEL BAD, ROSEANNE. 413 00:21:50,267 --> 00:21:51,901 YOU WON'T BE BALD ALONE. 414 00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:58,767 I'M WITH YOU, TOO, SIS. 415 00:21:58,767 --> 00:22:01,300 AH HA HA! 416 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,901 GOD, MOM, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU HAD THAT IN YOU. 417 00:22:12,901 --> 00:22:14,601 ADMIT IT, ROSEANNE. 418 00:22:14,601 --> 00:22:16,267 YOU'RE NOT THE CLEVEREST TRICKSTER 419 00:22:16,267 --> 00:22:17,901 IN THIS FAMILY ANYMORE. 420 00:22:17,901 --> 00:22:19,834 HA HA HA! 421 00:22:19,834 --> 00:22:23,667 WELL, I GUESS YOU GUYS SHOWED ME 422 00:22:23,667 --> 00:22:26,968 THIS HALLOWEEN, DIDN'T YOU? 423 00:22:26,968 --> 00:22:30,367 7 BALD PEOPLE IN MY KITCHEN. 424 00:22:30,367 --> 00:22:31,834 I'M JUST SO ASHAMED. 425 00:22:31,834 --> 00:22:34,300 I HAVE NOTHING TO TOP THAT WITH. 426 00:22:34,300 --> 00:22:36,801 OH. EXCEPT FOR... 427 00:22:50,033 --> 00:22:52,968 CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org-- 30502

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.