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1
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**
2
00:00:08,834 --> 00:00:10,767
What did the doctor say?
3
00:00:10,834 --> 00:00:12,267
Let's not talk
about it right now.
4
00:00:12,334 --> 00:00:13,934
Oh, my God!
It's cancer!
5
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:16,067
You're 44 years old
and you have cancer.
6
00:00:16,133 --> 00:00:17,701
It's not... cancer.
7
00:00:17,767 --> 00:00:19,467
It's just a little cyst
in my armpit.
8
00:00:19,534 --> 00:00:22,000
It's-It's
like a big pimple.
9
00:00:22,067 --> 00:00:25,434
You're 44, and
you have a pimple!
10
00:00:25,501 --> 00:00:26,767
It's gonna
be all right.
11
00:00:26,834 --> 00:00:29,133
I just have to rub cream on
it every day right after I-
12
00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:31,801
...prepare the area.
13
00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:36,667
Prepare the area how?
What are you gonna do?
14
00:00:36,734 --> 00:00:39,267
You're not gonna start washin', are you?
15
00:00:39,334 --> 00:00:41,801
I have to shave off all
the hair under my arms.
16
00:00:43,267 --> 00:00:47,300
Oh, honey, it's your
very first Lady Shaver.
17
00:00:48,534 --> 00:00:49,667
Pretty soon,
you'll start gettin'
18
00:00:49,734 --> 00:00:52,501
monthly visits
from your friend.
19
00:00:52,567 --> 00:00:55,000
Cut it out. Bad enough
I gotta shave
20
00:00:55,067 --> 00:00:56,667
under my arms
like a woman.
21
00:00:56,734 --> 00:00:58,734
Well, you know,
they say it is best
22
00:00:58,801 --> 00:01:02,000
to live as a woman first
before you have the operation.
23
00:01:02,067 --> 00:01:04,000
Cut it out!
24
00:01:04,067 --> 00:01:06,200
I don't want you tellin'
anybody about this.
25
00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:08,934
Some things are best left
between a husband and a wife.
26
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:11,434
Well, great. Which one
do you want to be?
27
00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:17,501
Hey, kids! Dinner!
28
00:01:19,734 --> 00:01:21,334
Isn't D.J. eating?
29
00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:23,367
No. He's staying over
at a friend's house,
30
00:01:23,434 --> 00:01:27,367
and I like him to be good and
hungry when he's gettin' free food.
31
00:01:29,100 --> 00:01:30,868
Mom, Mark
is really sick.
32
00:01:30,934 --> 00:01:32,734
When are we gonna get the
upstairs bathroom fixed
33
00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:34,534
so he doesn't have to
come down here?
34
00:01:34,601 --> 00:01:37,367
As soon as we finish the
guitar-shaped swimming pool.
35
00:01:38,667 --> 00:01:41,033
Man, this thing
I got is the worst.
36
00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:42,701
Feel like
I'm gonna die.
37
00:01:46,767 --> 00:01:48,033
Wouldn't you just
be more comfortable
38
00:01:48,100 --> 00:01:49,534
sitting on my plate?
39
00:01:52,434 --> 00:01:53,767
Mom, I gotta start
school tomorrow,
40
00:01:53,834 --> 00:01:55,400
and I really need my
rest. Is it all right
41
00:01:55,467 --> 00:01:56,767
if Mark stays
on the couch tonight?
42
00:01:56,834 --> 00:01:58,567
No! I don't want
anybody sick in there.
43
00:01:58,634 --> 00:02:01,234
That couch smells
bad enough already.
44
00:02:01,300 --> 00:02:02,901
Where's he gonna go?
45
00:02:04,133 --> 00:02:05,267
Well, D.J.'s gone,
46
00:02:05,334 --> 00:02:07,801
so we'll take David
out of his room
47
00:02:07,868 --> 00:02:10,767
and put Mark in there, and
then move David to the couch.
48
00:02:10,834 --> 00:02:11,968
Done.
49
00:02:12,033 --> 00:02:13,968
Wait. What does
the couch smell like?
50
00:02:15,133 --> 00:02:16,234
The family.
51
00:02:18,167 --> 00:02:20,767
Where's dinner?
We're hungry.
52
00:02:20,834 --> 00:02:22,667
Ours is on our plates,
but you told me
53
00:02:22,734 --> 00:02:26,534
you were eatin' over at,
uh... that kid's house.
54
00:02:26,601 --> 00:02:29,100
No, Mom, I told you yesterday.
55
00:02:29,167 --> 00:02:30,601
Ralph is staying
over here.
56
00:02:30,667 --> 00:02:33,234
Well, I'm sorry, Ralph,
but you can't stay here.
57
00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:34,734
You'll have to
tell your parents
58
00:02:34,801 --> 00:02:36,767
that Mr. Conner's
on a bender.
59
00:02:36,834 --> 00:02:38,434
He can't do that!
60
00:02:38,501 --> 00:02:39,934
His parents
are out of town!
61
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:42,601
And you promised I could
have friends sleep over.
62
00:02:42,667 --> 00:02:44,467
Well, I didn't mean it. I
thought you were just bluffin'
63
00:02:44,534 --> 00:02:47,467
when you said
you had a friend.
64
00:02:47,534 --> 00:02:49,467
Mrs. Conner, Ralph and
D.J. can take the couch.
65
00:02:49,534 --> 00:02:51,400
I'll just move down in
the basement with Darlene.
66
00:02:51,467 --> 00:02:54,667
Oh, yeah, and why don't
you just bang on the ceiling
67
00:02:54,734 --> 00:02:57,934
if you have trouble
unfastening her bra?
68
00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,534
Cool. I thought she'd say no. She did.
69
00:03:00,601 --> 00:03:01,934
Why don't we just stick
Mark in the basement,
70
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:03,100
and Darlene can sleep
with me?
71
00:03:03,167 --> 00:03:04,400
Oh, forget it.
I can't sleep
72
00:03:04,467 --> 00:03:07,133
with the sound of air
whistling through her head.
73
00:03:08,267 --> 00:03:10,200
Mark's gotta go
somewhere,
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00:03:10,267 --> 00:03:11,501
and he can't
sleep with me.
75
00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:13,167
Okay, let's try this
one more time.
76
00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:16,300
Um, Ralph and D.J.
in the basement.
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00:03:16,367 --> 00:03:17,901
You on the couch.
78
00:03:17,968 --> 00:03:20,133
And you boys can be
in D.J.'s room.
79
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,067
Wait. Why do I
get stuck with Mark?
80
00:03:22,133 --> 00:03:23,634
I can't afford
to get sick.
81
00:03:23,701 --> 00:03:25,701
God, everyone's so afraid
I'm gonna make 'em sick,
82
00:03:25,767 --> 00:03:27,467
no one'll come near me?
83
00:03:27,534 --> 00:03:30,133
I feel
like a leopard.
84
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:31,300
No. Mark.
85
00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:35,667
I'm sorry. You didn't mean to get sick.
86
00:03:35,734 --> 00:03:38,000
Everyone refusing to
get near you isn't fair.
87
00:03:38,067 --> 00:03:39,501
You mean that?
88
00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:42,334
Yeah, I do. I'll share a
room with you. I'm not afraid.
89
00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:44,534
Wow. It's really touching
you'd say a thing like that.
90
00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:47,501
It's really good
to have a brother.
91
00:04:35,934 --> 00:04:37,868
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
92
00:04:45,634 --> 00:04:46,868
Okay, honey,
turn off the light.
93
00:04:46,934 --> 00:04:48,968
No! I wanna see.
94
00:04:49,033 --> 00:04:50,734
Nothin' to see. Just
skin. Turn off the light.
95
00:04:52,133 --> 00:04:53,567
Oh, come on, Dan,
a lot of guys
96
00:04:53,634 --> 00:04:54,868
don't have hair
under their arms.
97
00:04:54,934 --> 00:04:55,868
Like who?!
98
00:04:55,934 --> 00:04:57,701
Well, like,
weightlifters
99
00:04:57,767 --> 00:04:59,701
shave all theirs off
so their muscles show.
100
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:01,901
Oh, yeah?
101
00:05:04,634 --> 00:05:06,734
'Course, they also
lift weights.
102
00:05:06,801 --> 00:05:09,934
Well, I would, but with
the loss of my armpit hair
103
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:11,534
went my superstrength.
104
00:05:12,601 --> 00:05:14,100
Oh, come on,
let me see.
105
00:05:14,167 --> 00:05:15,834
What are you so embarrassed
about? You can always
106
00:05:15,901 --> 00:05:18,601
just comb the hair
from your chest over.
107
00:05:25,834 --> 00:05:27,767
Well, I learned
one new thing-
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00:05:27,834 --> 00:05:29,434
no aftershave
next time.
109
00:05:31,834 --> 00:05:33,400
Well, you only had
one cyst.
110
00:05:33,467 --> 00:05:34,934
Why did you shave
both of 'em?
111
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:38,100
Well... one arm
just seems so unbalanced.
112
00:05:40,501 --> 00:05:42,767
Well, I think
it's kinda sexy.
113
00:05:42,834 --> 00:05:44,534
Now I see why
you get so excited
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00:05:44,601 --> 00:05:47,267
when I shave my legs
every month.
115
00:05:47,334 --> 00:05:48,534
Really?
116
00:05:48,601 --> 00:05:50,267
Yeah.
117
00:05:50,334 --> 00:05:52,000
Gee, I don't think
I've been this turned on
118
00:05:52,067 --> 00:05:54,467
since you clipped
your nose hairs.
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00:05:55,534 --> 00:05:56,467
Oh, you know,
I shaved
120
00:05:56,534 --> 00:05:57,801
a special spot
for you.
121
00:05:57,868 --> 00:05:58,801
Ew, gross!
122
00:05:58,868 --> 00:06:00,467
No, no, no.
123
00:06:00,534 --> 00:06:02,634
Higher. Higher.
124
00:06:02,701 --> 00:06:05,801
Oh! Dan, you have
two eyebrows again!
125
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:08,300
Want some razor burn?
126
00:06:08,367 --> 00:06:10,868
No! All that skin
scares me.
127
00:06:10,934 --> 00:06:12,501
Let's wait an hour
128
00:06:12,567 --> 00:06:14,634
till it grows back.
129
00:06:16,033 --> 00:06:18,534
my weakness-
animal noises.
130
00:06:20,701 --> 00:06:22,467
Well, uh...
here I am-
131
00:06:22,534 --> 00:06:24,534
David-in the only
working bathroom,
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00:06:24,601 --> 00:06:25,834
right next-door.
133
00:06:29,067 --> 00:06:31,000
Great. Mark gave it
to David.
134
00:06:31,067 --> 00:06:32,467
Now he's gonna be in there
pukin' all night.
135
00:06:33,901 --> 00:06:36,200
Oh, yeah, say that again real slow.
136
00:06:36,267 --> 00:06:37,667
I'm gettin' hot!
137
00:06:38,901 --> 00:06:39,834
Well, thank goodness
138
00:06:39,901 --> 00:06:41,300
I'm not sick
like Mark.
139
00:06:41,367 --> 00:06:43,701
I'll just do my business
quickly and then skedaddle.
140
00:06:47,234 --> 00:06:49,400
Cut it out. I cannot do
it with David in there.
141
00:06:49,467 --> 00:06:50,767
This bed squeaks.
142
00:06:52,734 --> 00:06:54,334
Let's do it
on the floor.
143
00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:56,767
You know, Dan,
that always sounds
144
00:06:56,834 --> 00:06:59,200
like a lot more fun
than it actually is.
145
00:06:59,267 --> 00:07:02,033
Come on, baby, let's see if we
can make that floor squeak...
146
00:07:02,100 --> 00:07:03,601
in China.
147
00:07:05,267 --> 00:07:06,400
Hey!
148
00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:07,901
You shoulda
locked the door!
149
00:07:07,968 --> 00:07:09,934
It's broken.
Just hurry up, okay?
150
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:11,367
I gotta pee
worse than you.
151
00:07:11,434 --> 00:07:13,000
How could you
possibly know that?
152
00:07:13,067 --> 00:07:15,868
Hey, in one minute,
nobody's peein'!
153
00:07:17,434 --> 00:07:19,033
Good work, baby.
154
00:07:19,100 --> 00:07:21,067
Come on down here where
the cedar chest used to be.
155
00:07:21,133 --> 00:07:22,367
It's still fluffy.
156
00:07:23,801 --> 00:07:26,601
I can't do it with two
people in the next room.
157
00:07:26,667 --> 00:07:28,234
Since when does
a crowd bother you?
158
00:07:28,300 --> 00:07:30,200
We did it at the Grateful Dead concert.
159
00:07:31,601 --> 00:07:34,234
That was nearly
two years ago, Dan.
160
00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:36,801
I think we've grown
up a little since then.
161
00:07:36,868 --> 00:07:39,000
Fine.
We gotta face it.
162
00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:41,000
There's just too many
people in this house.
163
00:07:41,067 --> 00:07:43,567
Now, we've done our job. We
deserve a little peace and quiet.
164
00:07:43,634 --> 00:07:45,434
I want Mark and Becky
to move out.
165
00:07:45,501 --> 00:07:48,501
Well, I want 'em to bring
back that show Card Sharks,
166
00:07:48,567 --> 00:07:50,400
but it ain't gonna happen.
167
00:07:52,133 --> 00:07:54,000
Look, Mark's
got a good job.
168
00:07:54,067 --> 00:07:55,601
I know he's been
savin' his money.
169
00:07:55,667 --> 00:07:57,701
I'm sure they can afford
a decent place to live.
170
00:07:57,767 --> 00:08:01,701
Why? You're his boss, and you
never lived noplace decent.
171
00:08:01,767 --> 00:08:04,934
It's time that they
moved out on their own.
172
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:07,834
They'll never leave unless we
push 'em. Now, you know I'm right.
173
00:08:07,901 --> 00:08:10,400
Well, I just hate
to see 'em struggle.
174
00:08:10,467 --> 00:08:12,100
Fair enough.
We won't visit 'em.
175
00:08:28,334 --> 00:08:30,100
So? They're gone.
176
00:08:30,167 --> 00:08:31,200
So?
177
00:08:31,267 --> 00:08:33,934
So... wanna rub
the magic spot again?
178
00:08:35,167 --> 00:08:36,601
I don't feel so good.
179
00:08:36,667 --> 00:08:39,634
I think I got Mark's flu or somethin'.
180
00:08:44,033 --> 00:08:44,968
Great.
181
00:08:46,534 --> 00:08:48,300
Shaved my armpits
for nothin'.
182
00:08:50,868 --> 00:08:51,968
Unless...
183
00:08:56,701 --> 00:08:57,634
Cool.
184
00:09:03,367 --> 00:09:05,167
Ohh! Ohh... ohh...
185
00:09:05,234 --> 00:09:06,701
What? What is it?
Oh, my God.
186
00:09:06,767 --> 00:09:08,167
Oh, my God.
I was on the baby.
187
00:09:08,234 --> 00:09:10,968
No. Fred.
The baby's right here.
188
00:09:11,067 --> 00:09:13,000
Oh. This is crazy.
189
00:09:13,067 --> 00:09:14,300
With the baby in here,
I haven't had
190
00:09:14,367 --> 00:09:16,100
one decent night's sleep
since he was born.
191
00:09:16,167 --> 00:09:18,667
Fine. Well, we'll just put
him up for adoption, then,
192
00:09:18,734 --> 00:09:21,167
because Lord knows
you need your sleep.
193
00:09:23,300 --> 00:09:25,834
Hey, I got an idea.
You know that room
194
00:09:25,901 --> 00:09:28,501
with all the purple
dinosaurs on the wall?
195
00:09:28,567 --> 00:09:30,734
Why don't we put
the baby in there?
196
00:09:30,801 --> 00:09:33,000
No. No, Fred.
I read somewhere
197
00:09:33,067 --> 00:09:34,601
that sleeping together
bonds the family.
198
00:09:34,667 --> 00:09:36,834
Yeah? Well, I read somewhere
people read too much.
199
00:09:38,100 --> 00:09:40,133
Come here.
Come to Daddy.
200
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:41,200
Yeah.
You remember me?
201
00:09:41,267 --> 00:09:43,133
Mommy let me hold you
in the delivery room.
202
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:44,367
What are you doing
with the baby?
203
00:09:44,434 --> 00:09:46,200
Where are you taking him?
204
00:09:46,267 --> 00:09:47,934
Where are you
taking the baby?
205
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:49,634
What are you
doing with him?
206
00:09:50,701 --> 00:09:52,968
Where are you
taking the baby?
207
00:09:54,033 --> 00:09:56,234
I put the baby
in his crib.
208
00:09:56,300 --> 00:09:58,767
We can listen to him
on the baby monitor.
209
00:09:58,834 --> 00:10:00,534
How could you
be so mean?
210
00:10:02,434 --> 00:10:03,534
Listen to him.
211
00:10:05,601 --> 00:10:06,701
Listen to him!
212
00:10:09,801 --> 00:10:11,300
My God,
he's smothering!
213
00:10:11,367 --> 00:10:13,033
Jackie. Jackie!
214
00:10:13,100 --> 00:10:16,033
He's fine. Now, this is
your problem. It's not his.
215
00:10:16,100 --> 00:10:17,267
I'm puttin'
my foot down.
216
00:10:17,334 --> 00:10:19,901
The baby is no longer
sleeping in our bed.
217
00:10:19,968 --> 00:10:20,901
Fine.
218
00:10:23,634 --> 00:10:26,067
You don't want the baby in here,
you don't want me in here, either.
219
00:10:27,300 --> 00:10:28,567
Jackie!
220
00:10:31,467 --> 00:10:33,501
There, there,
baby, it's okay.
221
00:10:33,567 --> 00:10:36,901
Someday, your real daddy
will come home from the sea.
222
00:10:47,634 --> 00:10:49,133
Hi.
Hey.
223
00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:50,868
Fred and I had
a huge fight this morning,
224
00:10:50,934 --> 00:10:53,033
so I brought the baby over
here to teach Fred a lesson.
225
00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:54,567
Jackie, don't
you know anything?
226
00:10:54,634 --> 00:10:58,667
If you want to make the man
suffer, you stay, you don't leave.
227
00:10:58,734 --> 00:11:00,868
So... can we sleep
here tonight?
228
00:11:00,934 --> 00:11:03,501
Well...
not in the house,
229
00:11:03,567 --> 00:11:07,234
but we are settin' up a little
shanty town on the sun porch.
230
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:08,567
Rosie!
231
00:11:08,634 --> 00:11:10,534
Roseanne, please. I don't
have anywhere else to go!
232
00:11:10,601 --> 00:11:12,667
We'll talk about it in a
minute. But I must warn you,
233
00:11:12,734 --> 00:11:14,334
Dan doesn't allow
anyone to move in here
234
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:16,434
unless they're sleeping
with one of his daughters.
235
00:11:18,501 --> 00:11:21,000
What do you want?!
I'm sick!
236
00:11:21,067 --> 00:11:23,000
When do we get to kick
out Becky and Mark?
237
00:11:23,067 --> 00:11:24,367
Huh? When? When? When?
When? When? When? When?
238
00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:25,968
Well, did you clean
your room
239
00:11:26,033 --> 00:11:29,100
and play nice
with the other mechanics?
240
00:11:29,167 --> 00:11:30,467
All right,
go ahead.
241
00:11:33,033 --> 00:11:34,133
Mark?
242
00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:35,467
Becky?
243
00:11:35,534 --> 00:11:38,000
Would you please come
down here for a moment?
244
00:11:38,067 --> 00:11:39,000
* Ahh *
245
00:11:39,067 --> 00:11:40,200
* I feel good *
246
00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:41,968
* Doo-doo-doo
doo-doo-doo *
247
00:11:42,033 --> 00:11:43,334
* Like I knew
that I would *
248
00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:45,834
Hey, stop celebrating.
I'm gonna miss one of 'em.
249
00:11:45,901 --> 00:11:47,467
Hey.
250
00:11:47,534 --> 00:11:49,901
Hey. I'm sorry about makin'
you sick, Mrs. Conner.
251
00:11:49,968 --> 00:11:51,701
Oh, that's not
your fault, Mark.
252
00:11:51,767 --> 00:11:53,567
Becky never should've married you.
253
00:11:55,701 --> 00:11:57,167
So. What
did you want?
254
00:11:57,234 --> 00:11:59,934
Nothin', really. We
were... just wonderin'
255
00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:01,601
whatever happened to
that plan you two had
256
00:12:01,667 --> 00:12:04,234
to... find some other place to live.
257
00:12:05,300 --> 00:12:07,000
It wasn't
really a plan.
258
00:12:07,067 --> 00:12:09,367
It was more like
a long-range dream.
259
00:12:09,434 --> 00:12:10,968
Well, congratulations, kids,
260
00:12:11,033 --> 00:12:13,400
your dreams are about to come true!
261
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:15,767
Well, we were
kinda hopin' to wait
262
00:12:15,834 --> 00:12:17,634
until we could afford
a two bedroom.
263
00:12:17,701 --> 00:12:20,167
Why? You need someplace
to store your book?
264
00:12:23,234 --> 00:12:25,501
Mom... Dad...
265
00:12:27,901 --> 00:12:29,968
We're tryin'
to have a baby.
266
00:12:31,767 --> 00:12:33,167
Do you really
mean it?
267
00:12:33,234 --> 00:12:34,367
Mm-hmm.
268
00:12:34,434 --> 00:12:35,868
Roseanne, we need
to discuss this in private
269
00:12:35,934 --> 00:12:37,367
before it goes any further.
270
00:12:37,434 --> 00:12:39,634
Yeah, just a sec. You
know you can stay here
271
00:12:39,701 --> 00:12:41,667
as long
as you need to.
272
00:12:43,767 --> 00:12:44,968
Roseanne,
this in no way
273
00:12:45,033 --> 00:12:46,400
changes what
we talked about.
274
00:12:46,467 --> 00:12:47,400
This changes
everything.
275
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:48,701
How? How does it
change everything?
276
00:12:48,767 --> 00:12:50,834
Well, you used to be
right, and now you're wrong.
277
00:12:50,901 --> 00:12:53,767
D.J., your mother and I
need to talk in private.
278
00:12:53,834 --> 00:12:56,100
I can't leave. I'm
about to beat my record.
279
00:12:56,167 --> 00:12:57,534
Leave, or
you're grounded!
280
00:12:57,601 --> 00:12:59,200
I don't care!
281
00:12:59,267 --> 00:13:00,734
We ground him
twice a week, Dan.
282
00:13:00,801 --> 00:13:02,367
That's how
he got so good.
283
00:13:04,100 --> 00:13:05,067
Come on.
284
00:13:09,634 --> 00:13:11,167
I don't want to argue
in front of the kids.
285
00:13:11,234 --> 00:13:13,901
Why? They've seen
you lose before.
286
00:13:13,968 --> 00:13:16,100
Look, I want
Mark and Becky out,
287
00:13:16,167 --> 00:13:18,400
but I don't want everybody
to think that I'm the jerk.
288
00:13:18,467 --> 00:13:20,567
But, Dan,
you are the jerk.
289
00:13:22,100 --> 00:13:24,367
You know, I'm so focused
on my artwork here
290
00:13:24,434 --> 00:13:26,734
that I can't hear a thing
anyone's sayin', so...
291
00:13:26,801 --> 00:13:29,234
Well, Dan wants Becky
and Mark to move out.
292
00:13:29,300 --> 00:13:30,234
Come on.
293
00:13:37,467 --> 00:13:38,501
Come on, Roseanne!
294
00:13:42,334 --> 00:13:44,767
Damn. This kid
has got a strong jaw.
295
00:13:48,667 --> 00:13:50,467
Where the hell can we talk in private?
296
00:13:50,534 --> 00:13:53,267
Well, Dan, there's always
the cone of silence.
297
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,133
Now... they
can't move out
298
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:01,767
because Becky's
gonna have a baby
299
00:14:01,834 --> 00:14:02,968
and she needs
her mother.
300
00:14:03,033 --> 00:14:04,300
She's not even
pregnant yet.
301
00:14:04,367 --> 00:14:05,901
Yeah, but
she will be.
302
00:14:05,968 --> 00:14:07,234
Mark doesn't have
anything else to do.
303
00:14:07,300 --> 00:14:09,734
He's already bored
with his hot wheels.
304
00:14:09,801 --> 00:14:12,534
We've talked
about this, Roseanne.
305
00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:15,167
We don't even have
a place to fight anymore.
306
00:14:15,234 --> 00:14:17,334
Why is Jackie's
makeup bag in here?
307
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:19,734
Uh... oh, yeah.
308
00:14:19,801 --> 00:14:21,701
Well... I was gonna
tell you about that,
309
00:14:21,767 --> 00:14:23,067
you know, when
the time was right...
310
00:14:23,133 --> 00:14:24,367
or... never.
311
00:14:25,434 --> 00:14:27,033
Jackie's stayin'
here, too?!
312
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:28,834
Hey, look, we don't
313
00:14:28,901 --> 00:14:30,400
want you guys to fight about us leaving.
314
00:14:30,467 --> 00:14:32,968
We weren't fightin' about
that! We were fightin' about-
315
00:14:33,033 --> 00:14:34,300
this towel!
316
00:14:34,367 --> 00:14:35,968
It's a comb
cotton blend!
317
00:14:36,033 --> 00:14:37,367
I make
a good livin'!
318
00:14:37,434 --> 00:14:38,968
Can't we use a wool
towel once in a while?!
319
00:14:39,033 --> 00:14:40,133
Ooh!
320
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:41,701
Hey, what's
goin' on?
321
00:14:43,033 --> 00:14:44,200
Darlene, we're
tryin' to have
322
00:14:44,267 --> 00:14:46,834
a private conversation. Do you mind?
323
00:14:46,901 --> 00:14:49,000
Fine. I just came to
return your Lady Shaver.
324
00:14:50,567 --> 00:14:52,400
My Lady Shaver?
325
00:14:52,467 --> 00:14:55,667
That's ridiculous. What would
I be doin' with a woman's razor?
326
00:14:55,734 --> 00:14:57,467
Well, Becky said it
was to shave your pits.
327
00:14:57,534 --> 00:14:59,334
How the hell did you know about that?
328
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:00,334
Know
about what?
329
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,667
About Dad
shavin' his pits.
330
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:02,901
Would you stop
tellin' people that?
331
00:15:02,968 --> 00:15:04,501
Yeah, 'cause
it's not true.
332
00:15:04,567 --> 00:15:06,067
It's, uh, it isn't, is it, Dad?
333
00:15:07,133 --> 00:15:08,534
Dad, how old
do I have to be
334
00:15:08,601 --> 00:15:10,767
before I get to start
shaving my armpits?
335
00:15:11,834 --> 00:15:13,467
You shave
your armpits?
336
00:15:13,534 --> 00:15:16,334
Yes, I do!
For medical reasons!
337
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:17,567
Well, that's why
you shave the right one,
338
00:15:17,634 --> 00:15:19,601
but tell 'em why
you shave the left.
339
00:15:19,667 --> 00:15:22,200
This is exactly what
I was talkin' about.
340
00:15:22,267 --> 00:15:25,567
After 22 years, I deserve
a little damn privacy!
341
00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:27,567
Excuse me. I was
just wonderin'
342
00:15:27,634 --> 00:15:29,033
how long you're
all gonna be.
343
00:15:30,601 --> 00:15:33,033
That's it!
I'm goin' to Fred's!
344
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:35,767
And you don't use
a guy's Lady Shaver
345
00:15:35,834 --> 00:15:36,868
without askin' him.
346
00:15:44,934 --> 00:15:46,834
Have to keep his head
at a 45-degree angle
347
00:15:46,901 --> 00:15:48,567
so you can keep the blood
going to the brain.
348
00:15:48,634 --> 00:15:50,701
Support his little bottom,
Becky, with the other hand.
349
00:15:50,767 --> 00:15:53,901
No, with the other
ha- No. She-Okay.
350
00:15:53,968 --> 00:15:56,634
Uh, stand-Just bounce him
up and down a little bit.
351
00:15:57,968 --> 00:16:00,400
Just-Ni-Not real-
not-not real fast.
352
00:16:00,467 --> 00:16:03,234
Just a little baby.
Not mixin' a martini.
353
00:16:03,300 --> 00:16:06,067
Oh, you're squishing his leg
now. Okay, here we go, baby.
354
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:09,667
Ohh... back to Mommy. Okay,
Mommy's got you. It's okay.
355
00:16:09,734 --> 00:16:11,334
You're all right.
How's your little leg?
356
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:13,067
He's okay.
All right.
357
00:16:13,133 --> 00:16:14,534
Isn't it fun
to hold him?
358
00:16:14,601 --> 00:16:15,767
Can I hold him?
359
00:16:15,834 --> 00:16:17,567
No. He doesn't want
to be held right now.
360
00:16:17,634 --> 00:16:19,234
But I'm not
sick anymore.
361
00:16:19,300 --> 00:16:21,534
Well, good. Then why don't
you just take Becky upstairs
362
00:16:21,601 --> 00:16:23,567
and do what we're
payin' you to do.
363
00:16:25,167 --> 00:16:26,767
Has Dad
come back yet?
364
00:16:26,834 --> 00:16:28,667
Oh, no. He's
sure he's right,
365
00:16:28,734 --> 00:16:29,667
and when he gets like that, it takes him
366
00:16:29,734 --> 00:16:32,267
even longer
to apologize.
367
00:16:32,334 --> 00:16:33,934
I know it's real
tough on everybody.
368
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:35,767
We're really glad
you're letting us stay.
369
00:16:35,834 --> 00:16:37,934
Well, Becky, you're young,
and you still need me.
370
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,133
Your father, however,
is 44 years old,
371
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,601
and it's high time he
got outta this house.
372
00:16:42,667 --> 00:16:43,767
Thanks, Mom.
373
00:16:46,367 --> 00:16:47,968
Cleanup time.
374
00:16:49,033 --> 00:16:50,567
What are you
doin' now?
375
00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:51,634
You have to
keep turning him
376
00:16:51,701 --> 00:16:52,934
so he has
a nice-shaped head.
377
00:16:54,667 --> 00:16:56,767
Well, if his head
gets all misshapen,
378
00:16:56,834 --> 00:16:58,634
you can always
sand it down.
379
00:17:00,033 --> 00:17:01,300
No, don't-don't.
380
00:17:01,367 --> 00:17:02,534
What's your problem?
381
00:17:02,601 --> 00:17:05,133
Don't want your germs
getting on the baby.
382
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,133
Jackie,
kids get germs.
383
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:08,467
That's what they do.
384
00:17:08,534 --> 00:17:10,868
They fall off their bike,
and they get all bruised,
385
00:17:10,934 --> 00:17:14,300
and... they cut their
tongue lickin' a cactus.
386
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,901
Maybe
that's just D.J.
387
00:17:17,968 --> 00:17:20,667
'Scuse me for trying
to protect my child.
388
00:17:20,734 --> 00:17:22,834
Well, you're not
protecting your child.
389
00:17:22,901 --> 00:17:24,801
You're overprotecting
your child,
390
00:17:24,868 --> 00:17:26,834
and it's screwing up
your marriage.
391
00:17:26,901 --> 00:17:29,133
I... had... him
in the bed!
392
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:30,667
Why are you
taking Fred's side?
393
00:17:30,734 --> 00:17:32,100
I always take
the side of the one
394
00:17:32,167 --> 00:17:34,234
that doesn't want
to squish the baby.
395
00:17:34,300 --> 00:17:36,167
Right, yeah, like...
look, you never
396
00:17:36,234 --> 00:17:38,067
had your kids sleep
in the bed with you.
397
00:17:38,133 --> 00:17:40,767
Well, only
our oldest-Billy.
398
00:17:42,734 --> 00:17:44,334
Baby needs me.
399
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:46,667
You know, Jackie,
your kids grow up,
400
00:17:46,734 --> 00:17:48,934
and they just...
fly the nest,
401
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:50,801
and then all you got left
is your husband.
402
00:17:50,868 --> 00:17:53,501
You must learn
to let go.
403
00:17:53,567 --> 00:17:55,901
Well, my baby
is six months old.
404
00:17:55,968 --> 00:17:57,000
What's your excuse?
405
00:17:57,067 --> 00:17:58,000
What?
406
00:17:58,067 --> 00:17:59,367
Look around.
Kids are all
407
00:17:59,434 --> 00:18:00,501
still living here
at the house
408
00:18:00,567 --> 00:18:02,200
with their husbands
and their boyfriends
409
00:18:02,267 --> 00:18:05,167
and me. Wonder what
Dan thinks about that.
410
00:18:05,234 --> 00:18:08,868
But, gee... I don't
see him anywhere!
411
00:18:10,667 --> 00:18:12,167
Well, it's a wonder
you can see anything
412
00:18:12,234 --> 00:18:15,033
over you kid's
big misshapen head!
413
00:18:23,934 --> 00:18:25,200
Hear that, Fred?
414
00:18:25,267 --> 00:18:26,200
What?
415
00:18:26,267 --> 00:18:27,200
Nothin'.
416
00:18:28,334 --> 00:18:29,701
Absolutely nothin'.
417
00:18:30,934 --> 00:18:32,868
Boy, that's great.
418
00:18:32,934 --> 00:18:35,334
Yeah, it's great how men can be
together and not have to talk.
419
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,767
I mean, women always feel the
need to be sayin' somethin'.
420
00:18:37,834 --> 00:18:40,067
Fred, I can't hear
the nothin' anymore.
421
00:18:41,467 --> 00:18:42,901
Sorry.
422
00:18:42,968 --> 00:18:45,400
Maybe I oughta
move in here.
423
00:18:45,467 --> 00:18:49,400
Oh, I don't know. I mean, two
mature men in one quaint house.
424
00:18:49,467 --> 00:18:51,000
People will talk.
425
00:18:52,133 --> 00:18:53,234
People hear you
say "quaint,"
426
00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:55,267
and they'll talk.
427
00:18:55,334 --> 00:18:57,501
Dan, you've been here
for a day and a half now.
428
00:18:57,567 --> 00:19:00,300
Isn't it about time
you told me why?
429
00:19:00,367 --> 00:19:02,067
I had to get out.
430
00:19:02,133 --> 00:19:04,400
Man needs his space.
431
00:19:04,467 --> 00:19:06,567
Man without space isn't
much of a man, is he?
432
00:19:06,634 --> 00:19:08,667
A man needs room to stretch. Ohh!
433
00:19:10,467 --> 00:19:11,400
I hear you.
434
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:14,100
Hi.
435
00:19:14,167 --> 00:19:15,767
Boy, don't
you ever knock?
436
00:19:15,834 --> 00:19:18,567
Fred, I came back
to apologize.
437
00:19:18,634 --> 00:19:19,567
Really?
438
00:19:19,634 --> 00:19:20,767
I'm really sorry.
439
00:19:20,834 --> 00:19:21,934
Oh, I'm sorry, too.
440
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:24,200
I was being obsessed
about the baby.
441
00:19:24,267 --> 00:19:25,834
No, I was
bein' insensitive.
442
00:19:25,901 --> 00:19:27,033
I love you, Fred.
443
00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:28,234
I love you, too.
444
00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:30,167
Okay, Jackie.
Now go home.
445
00:19:31,801 --> 00:19:33,067
I was just thinkin'
that he-
446
00:19:33,133 --> 00:19:34,968
he doesn't have to be
in the same bed with us,
447
00:19:35,033 --> 00:19:36,534
but can't he at least
be in the same room?
448
00:19:36,601 --> 00:19:38,267
Of course he can be
in the room with us.
449
00:19:38,334 --> 00:19:40,234
He should be with us
for a while.
450
00:19:40,300 --> 00:19:42,267
Wimp!
451
00:19:42,334 --> 00:19:45,467
Oh, and, Dan, um, about what
happened in the bathroom.
452
00:19:45,534 --> 00:19:46,901
I'm really sorry
everybody found out-
453
00:19:46,968 --> 00:19:49,434
No, Jackie. No, no, no.
You don't have to apologize.
454
00:19:49,501 --> 00:19:51,300
I think I do.
455
00:19:51,367 --> 00:19:52,701
No, Jackie.
You really don't.
456
00:19:52,767 --> 00:19:55,534
Dan, I'm sorry that I
invaded your privacy,
457
00:19:55,601 --> 00:19:57,634
and that's all...
458
00:19:57,701 --> 00:19:58,834
I'm gonna say.
459
00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:04,133
Ah. Well... thank you.
Thank you very much.
460
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:06,601
Very sensitive of you.
461
00:20:07,767 --> 00:20:09,000
Just leave
you two guys alone.
462
00:20:09,067 --> 00:20:10,467
Okay.
463
00:20:10,534 --> 00:20:12,200
Jackie...
you're okay.
464
00:20:13,868 --> 00:20:14,801
What?
465
00:20:14,868 --> 00:20:16,133
Shaves his armpits.
466
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:28,167
Hi, honey.
467
00:20:28,234 --> 00:20:30,334
Looks like I'm too
late. You've remarried.
468
00:20:37,901 --> 00:20:40,667
Mmm, and you made some
of that French onion dip.
469
00:20:41,767 --> 00:20:42,701
Still feelin' sick?
470
00:20:42,767 --> 00:20:44,000
No. I feel better.
471
00:20:44,067 --> 00:20:45,367
But before
I take you back,
472
00:20:45,434 --> 00:20:47,467
we have to discuss this
Becky and Mark thing.
473
00:20:47,534 --> 00:20:49,400
Look, I'm sorry I wanted
them out of here so bad.
474
00:20:49,467 --> 00:20:52,100
It's just... I've wanted to
be alone with you for so long,
475
00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:54,868
I guess I forgot we're gettin'
buried next to each other.
476
00:20:56,434 --> 00:20:58,334
So you're okay with
them guys stayin' here?
477
00:20:58,400 --> 00:20:59,534
Lookin' forward to it.
478
00:20:59,601 --> 00:21:00,667
I kicked them out.
479
00:21:00,734 --> 00:21:02,701
Praise the Lord! Mmhh!
480
00:21:02,767 --> 00:21:05,734
It felt so good, I almost
kicked D.J. out, too.
481
00:21:05,801 --> 00:21:07,801
I know it must've
been hard for you.
482
00:21:07,868 --> 00:21:09,934
No, actually, it wasn't
hard at all, Dan.
483
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,868
Um, you know, I just
blamed it all on you.
484
00:21:12,934 --> 00:21:15,367
That's what I'm here for.
485
00:21:15,434 --> 00:21:17,367
But there is one thing, though. Um...
486
00:21:18,601 --> 00:21:20,868
I gave 'em till May.
487
00:21:20,934 --> 00:21:22,200
Why till May?
488
00:21:24,267 --> 00:21:25,901
I'm not sick.
489
00:21:25,968 --> 00:21:27,234
I'm pregnant.
490
00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:41,567
You're pregnant!
491
00:21:43,300 --> 00:21:44,567
Wow!
492
00:21:46,133 --> 00:21:48,067
Dan, are you
comin' to bed?!
493
00:21:55,968 --> 00:21:57,067
Pregnant.
494
00:22:05,501 --> 00:22:06,968
Pregnant?
495
00:22:15,667 --> 00:22:16,968
Dan, I'm worried.
496
00:22:17,033 --> 00:22:18,968
Are you sure
you're okay with this?
497
00:22:19,033 --> 00:22:20,100
Pregnant!
498
00:22:26,834 --> 00:22:29,100
I mean, pregnant...
499
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:35,434
Okay, Dan.
We're headin' out
500
00:22:35,501 --> 00:22:37,467
for the baby's first birthday party.
501
00:22:37,534 --> 00:22:39,634
Are you sure you're
gonna be okay with this?
502
00:22:44,367 --> 00:22:45,300
Pregnant?
503
00:22:46,868 --> 00:22:48,634
How did that happen?
504
00:22:54,133 --> 00:22:57,067
Closed-Captioned By J.R. Media
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36446
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