Original subtitles

Anne: Previously,

on "Workin' Moms:"

- Oh shit!

- I got some news too,

found a place today.

- Would you... pick up

my dry cleaning?

- Of course.

- Where are you going?

for a fro-yo.

- Taking my daughter

- Can I come?

- Sure...

Ian: I don't even

recognize you.

To me it just looks like

you're out on the hunt.

- Jenny?

- This is the first date I've

been on since my separation.

whatever you want to do.

Sonia: You have consent to do

- Okay.

- Mm.

- Argh! I'm sorry I can't be

your fucking sounding board

about your shitty divorce

to your uppity,

sleazebag husband who you

should've never married

in the first place, Anne!

Why did you marry that guy?

- This weekend is going

to be amazing!

- Well, it better be,

as apparently it was mandatory.

- Well, jeez, I was supposed

to be rooming with Jenny,

but uh, she's MIA, so...

I'm bunking with you, Ian.

Ooh! Hah.

Okay team, let's find

our rooms quickly,

and reconvene on the double.

Oops, wrong whistle.

- Is that a vibrator necklace?

- It was a gift from

my condo board.

Oh, Ian, will you be a prince,

and help me with my sleep

apnea machine?

- Your sleep machine?

- It's literally a lifesaver,

throat tissue

I have enough excess

that I could asphyxiate

in my sleep.

- Okay.

- All right, here's the deal,

guys.

First one who falls asleep,

getting a penis drawn

on their face.

What, you guys never

went to camp before?

Oh, you're all gettin' dicked.

Dick, dick, dick!

Dickety-dick-dick!

I'm comin' for you.

- Oh! Oh.

Hi. I'm with the toddler group,

I'm late.

I had to get a tennis racquet

re-strung.

I'm dating an older woman.

- Frankie Coyne.

- Your name, ma'am?

- Well yes, you've uh,

actually been upgraded

to a deluxe suite.

- Seriously?

- Yeah.

- Am I like...

like, the millionth customer,

or something?

- The upgrade is courtesy

of a Ms. Dorothy Cutwater.

- That is her!

Man, you should see her.

She is hot!

Like, retired model hot.

Hm, a bit scared of her.

Wait, she's not here, is she?

- The arrangement was actually

made over the phone, ma'am.

- Thank you so much.

Val: Everybody got their

snacks, sunscreen?

Fly repellent?

Really, Jade? Harnesses?

- Back off, Val.

- I made it.

- Healthy treats?

- Oh, thank you.

- They're crazy balls.

- Alicia, did you bake these?

- It looks like Mabel

baked them...

in her pants.

- They are dairy, nut, soy,

and gluten free.

And they're fun!

- Well, we can certainly use

some fun fuel on our big hike.

Is every mommy ready?

Reminder:

let's all collect sticks that

best represent our families,

and we'll present them later.

Tally ho!

- Oh, hey.

- Okay, get up. I'm going.

Get up, up.

Get up. Up.

- You good?

- Up. Yeah.

- I'll... catch up with you

guys.

Okay, let's...

- Okay, let's just go back in.

Screw this.

- Kate, come on,

power walk with me.

It's great for your muffin top.

- How long is this hike?

- I have no idea.

- What?!

God dammit.

- I know the pee dance

when I see it,

go for it, I'll watch the kid.

- Oh, thank you.

Ohh...

- I wish I could piss

like a man!

I always end up spraying

my shoes.

- Ow! Jesus! Shit!

- I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

I'm sorry.

- Are you insane?!

- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

- Dude, stop!

I'm sorry.

What are you, rain man?

Get a grip!

- I'm sorry.

- Kate!

- I hate what I said

to you, okay?

I think about it all the time,

I wish I could take it away,

I-I'm...

I'm a very nervous cyclist.

- I have been trying so goddamn

hard to reach out to you.

And not just to bawl

about my weird life,

and FYI, it is very weird

right now.

But also because I wanted

to be there for you.

Because we've always been

there for each other, right?

- Right, of course.

you're doing back flips,

- Well, all of the sudden

trying to pull away from me!

- I'm not, I'm just...

I've been workin' these

two jobs,

they're both crazy demanding.

- What? Why are you working

two jobs?

- I don't know,

because I love what I do,

and I wanna do it all the time,

plus yeah, money.

- Really? You sure you're

not just trying to avoid

your actual life?

- Come on man, I'm trying

to apologize here.

- Well, what do you want me

to say? Thanks?

Cool? Forget it?

Like, what?

to be around you right now,

Yeah, I don't even know how

you're-you're all--

you're just...

- What?

- No, just--

Whatever, just forget it, okay?

- Uh, are you okay--

- Yeah, I'm fine!

- So, are we cool?

Ian: Oh, okay...

- You doing okay there?

So how's bachelor life

treating you?

- Okay, I guess.

Come on.

Complicated.

I don't know, relationships

are confusing.

- Word. You know, one minute

you're having wild,

submissive sex, and the next

you're in trouble

for not tri-folding

the hand towels.

- Yeah, I can't pretend

to understand

lesbian relationships, but...

that's pretty much

how I pictured it.

Val: Ohhh! Ooh! Aaaah!

Kate: Val down!

- Guys, I swear I didn't

push her.

- I power walked over a stump.

I'm injured.

Please, carry on the itinerary

without me.

- Mhmm...

- Val, are you okay?

Can you walk?

- I don't think so.

- Well, come here.

- Oh god.

- Could you pick up my hat?

Hmm?

You like that?

Yeah, you got it! There!

All the way over!

I finally get you alone, Rhoads.

Shh! Don't you dare

answer that!

Oh, no you don't!

No, you don't.

Okay, okay, okay.

Hello?

Dorothy: Are you touching

yourself right now?

- Uh no, I'm playing

with Rhoda,

my-my daughter, Rhoda.

Dorothy: Okay, just quick,

quick, tell me,

what kind of panties

are you wearing?

Full butt? Thong?

- Okay, well, I am...

I'm wearing blue,

and Rhoda is wearing...

oh my god!

Ugh!

Okay, they're full of shit.

I'm gonna have to call you

back, okay? Talk to you later.

Dorothy: Okay, that's

disgusting, Frank--

- Oh hey, Kate.

I really gotta talk to her.

- Hey dude, you seen Anne?

- Oh no, sorry pal, I haven't-

I haven't seen her.

- Oh, really? It's just...

I think she's avoiding me,

which is very immature,

it's like, we're grown ups,

right?

I may have said some things

that I regret,

you're just like, opening up,

but you know how it is when

and you're like, pfft!

And then they're just staring

at you,

and you're like, come on.

- Okay, so here's the thing,

I um, care about you,

and I'm totally here for you.

I'm just kinda dealing with

a diarrhoea situation right now.

And it's not just the

diarrhoea, it's like,

I just really wanna spend some

time with Rhoda, you know?

Like, I miss my kid! Hi, Buddy!

- Oh. Yeah.

Yeah... Yeah, no, totally.

So you haven't seen Anne?

- Okay, um...

You know what? Maybe just do

something nice for her.

of your friendship,

Right, like, a little gesture

or a present, okay, bye!

- Well--

- Bye!

Ian: Way to make the most

of nap time.

- Hmm.

Help yourself.

- Thank you.

Don't mind if I do.

Cheers.

- Mhmm.

- How come no Kate?

Aren't you guys like, you know,

besties?

- Honestly, I don't know.

She can be a real dick

sometimes.

- Yeah, I can see that.

Things don't seem easy

with someone like her.

her dad, watch it.

- Hey man, she just lost

- Sorry. Right.

Well, you know, maybe you

gotta wait for her to like,

go through it, and come out

on the other side.

Like waiting for your kid at

the bottom of the tube slide.

- Need some alone time?

- I... well, ahem.

There's something wrong.

With my thing.

It hurts when I pee.

- Well, it sounds like

you've got an STD.

- No!

- I've got something.

Here, here, hold! Hold.

- Okay.

Where was this before

your STD, am I right?

- Welcome to high tea, everyone.

I trust you found your place

according to my seating

arrangement.

- She's finally eating

the crazy balls.

Right, they're yummy, right?

Because you can't have any

of those little sandwiches.

- I've been told I look like

Lady Di.

- Yeah, I see it.

- Mabel?

Mabel honey, look at mummy.

Look at mummy, look at mummy.

- What happened?

What's happening?

- Her face is swelling up,

I've gotta get her EpiPen.

- Oh, for-for real? Okay,

okay, it's okay. It's okay.

Alicia: Mabel, are you okay?

we'd like an ambulance.

Kate: Uh yes,

- Hi, it's okay, it's okay,

take a big, deep breath,

I'm sure you're good.

- Mabel, you okay?

- Do you have her EpiPen?

- I don't know, it's always in

here, I always put it in here,

I can't find it!

- It's okay.

put her on the ground, okay?

I'm just gonna take her, and

- Yeah.

- Oh, good girl.

Kate: Yeah.

Anne: Good girl.

- I'm gonna set you down.

- Okay, you're okay.

- Does anyone have an EpiPen?

- We need an EpiPen!

Alicia: Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Anne: Good girl.

in those stupid crazy balls,

- Uh, the raisins that I put

I-I didn't check the bag

to see if they were nut free,

and I was just so concerned

with making enough

for everybody, and...

I almost killed my daughter!

- Hey, we are gonna go

to the hospital,

examination.

we're gonna get her a doctor's

- Come on.

- You hear that? She's okay.

- Yeah... yeah.

You know, taking care of Mabel

is my only job, and...

and I suck at it.

- Alicia, you're an incredible

mother.

If I got things right half

as often as you do,

as much as I do.

I wouldn't wanna strangle you

- If it looks like we resent

you,

it's just because you make us

look bad.

- You're doing fine.

- I think I'm gonna go ahead

and cancel charades.

- Wise choice, Val.

- Let's take the rest

of the afternoon and relax.

Childcare services

are available for anyone

who would like it.

- Is there a bar here?

- Yes, but I have something

even better.

A big bottle of Pantyhose

Chardonnay.

With all your names on it.

Meet me back in my--

sorry, Ian.

Our room. Last one in's

a rotten egg!

Oh!

- Miss Carlson?

- Yeah?

- Your presence has been

requested at the hotel spa.

- Oh. Thank you.

- What's it say?

- "For all you do,

this rub's for you.

Smiley face. Love, Lionel."

- Aw! I want a Lionel.

- Huh. Yeah, he's pretty great.

Minus the rhyming.

- Uh uh. No way,

what are you doing here?

- Oh, hey.

- Did you impersonate

my husband?

- Pretty good, huh?

It's all in the rhyming.

- Stop that.

- No! Dude, we're stuck here,

we might as well get through

this together.

If we can connect

with Alicia,

you and I can connect too.

Please?

- Fine.

- Kick those shoes off.

you calibrated.

Peter here will get

It's a little intimidating,

but...

yeah, you're face down

with... yeah.

Now, that thing's gonna close.

This thing is 360 degrees

with its jets,

and the best part, you don't

have to take your clothes off.

my clothes off?

- What if I wanna take

- Uh, we prefer you don't.

- See?

- Okay, don't be an idiot

about it.

This is magical.

- Yeah, man.

- Hey you, I just want

to apologize again.

- Okay, enough. I get it, man.

I just want you to listen

for once.

Can you do that?

- Mhmm.

Give me one sec. Psst!

Can we get--

- Oh, yeah.

- Man, working next to Brad

has been a trip.

And not in a good way. Remember

that weird stranglehold

- Totally, for sure I do.

he used to have over me?

- Get this. He's turned into

a goddamn hypnotist.

- Uh uh.

- Yeah.

Legit, like, a real hypnotist.

- Uh uh.

That's crazy.

Go on...

Our exes think

we haven't changed a day

since we broke up with them.

It's so stupid!

- Stupid.

- Did you know he tried to

hypnotize me into not cumming?

- Joke's on him.

I've been at it every day,

and I've never cum harder.

- Oh my god.

- What was that?

- No. Yes! Oh...

- Dude, are you cumming

right now?

- I am, honestly,

don't look at me, oh god.

Oh yeah!

Do you wanna unplug it, maybe?

Unplug it, excuse me,

unplug it, unplug it,

I'm sorry.

Oh... oh yeah. Ohhhhhh...

Ohhh!

Oh! I'm crying,

that was so powerful.

Thank god it was you,

and not Val!

Oh, those tan legs!

Oh god. Yeah, that's... Anne?

- Dude, that's really

fucked up!

- Hey, I didn't mean to.

Oh, Jesus.

for everything, sir.

Oh, thank you very much

- Uh, you still have

nine minutes left.

Do you wanna keep going?

- No...?

- Hey man, you okay?

- Hey, uh...

I think I have an STD.

- Wow.

- Yeah.

Are you sure it's not just me?

I've been known to make penises

uncomfortable.

- Two shots of Patron,

my good man.

- Ooh, tequila?

I don't know,

I gotta sleep in a room

with Val.

- Ah, you'll be okay.

Trust me.

about your peen,

And don't worry

they got all these creams

these days.

- Thank you.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

Ooh...

So, you're in a new

relationship?

- Mhmm. Yeah.

I do a lot for Dorothy,

and she lets me sleep

in the guest wing.

- Hm. So you-you work

for her,

or you're living with her,

or you're dating her?

- Yeah, all of the above-ish.

I don't know, to be honest.

- Well, do you like her?

- Yeah, yeah. Totally.

She's a bit creepy.

It's like a sexy creep.

Yeah, also she's-she's really

mature,

makes me feel like

a kid sometimes.

You know. I'm also dating

somebody way younger.

So if you put them together,

they'd be like,

the perfect woman.

- Like, a 40 year old?

- Yeah, basically.

- What the hell?

Anne, are you in there?

Ian: Shh! Be quiet,

she can hear!

You quiet!

- Dude, I can hear you

in there!

Seriously?

You're kicking me out?

- You did it to yourself.

- It's not my fault

you didn't get to cum!

- Wait, did she say cum?

You guys aren't...

- What?! No!

- What the fuck was that?

- Sorry, I got carried away.

Seriously though, I can't thank

you enough for saving me

from a night with Val.

She's so inappropriate.

- Yeah, of course she is.

- She asked me to help her

shave her legs.

Like, I know her wrist hurts

or whatever,

but I could swear

she's right handed.

I just needed a breather,

you know?

Female friendship

is at best complicated.

Like, it's refreshing

how the biggest thing

you have to figure out is...

who gave you that STD.

No offense.

- Mhmm...

- Is yours coming off?

- Ah! No.

And the thing is...

I've only done it with one

person since Jenny.

Can you? Thanks.

- Mhmm, yep.

It only takes one person,

so it's either your new girl,

or it's Jenny.

- What?

Aaaaah!

What? Is it-is it nice?

- Mhmm...

- Hi.

- Oh hi, honey.

Hi Kate, how did things go

with Anne?

- Not good, can I stay here?

- Oh, no can do, I offered

the extra space to Jade,

there's a toilet problem

in her room.

I'd totally invite you to hang,

but she was really explicit

about not wanting to deal

with anyone's bullshit.

Those are her words,

they were not mine.

Jade: No bullshit!

- Mm, no worries,

I'm sure we'll find another

option. Thanks, man.

- Okay.

- Bye bye.

- Bye.

- Good job, Charlie.

we will get through this.

All right, buddy,

- Kate!

Have you seen Ian?

I did turn down service

on his bed.

- Yeah, he uh, made another

arrangement.

Can we stay with you tonight?

- Yes!

- Okay.

- I know what you're thinking,

and yes, there's more.

You don't need a mani, do you?

I brought decals.

- That's nice, but I would

really just love

to get some sleep.

- Of course.

- Well, thank you.

- Waste of my goddamn time.

- Sorry, what was that?

- Huh? Nothing.