Original subtitles

- I think I'm gonna miss

one night stands the most.

- Really?

- Yeah, new bodies, new sex,

all those smells. Ugh.

- Oh sh--

- Hmm.

I always forget.

been pregnant

- It's a miracle we haven't

like a million times.

- I know, right?

Especially with Julian.

Dude never pulls out.

Like ever.

- I should not have invited him.

- What?

- Now, all your questionable

life decisions

photos.

are gonna be in my wedding

- He's separated.

- Yeah, for like a day.

- For like a month.

- Gross.

- Oh, here we go.

- Dude, are you gonna work

all weekend?

- Uh uh, no. I just have

to get this one email out,

and then it's gonna be

all about you.

Oh check it. We're here.

- Hmm.

- Let's get you married.

- Oh my god!

We're getting married!

Smokin', huh?

- Hey! Good to see you guys.

- Hi, guys.

- Thanks for coming.

- Hi.

- Yeah.

- You look beautiful.

- Um, honey...

- Hmm?

- Easy, easy.

No one likes a drunk bride.

There she is!

in the world!

The cutest little flower girl

- Hoo. She's-she's off right?

Like in the face,

she's very sleepy.

- Anne she's a little girl.

- Right, sorry. Yeah.

I'm sure she's a great kid.

Girls with strange faces

have to be,

- Hey, you.

it's like a survival technique.

- Hey.

- Can I get your eyes here,

please?

- Yes. Yes, I'm sorry,

I'm here. Hi.

- I know you didn't want

a big event,

but I just would hate

to think back on this

and wished that we'd

behaved better, right?

- Yes, totally. Yes!

I wanna look back on this

and not regret it.

- And there are going to be

moments that are weird,

and you're going to have

to struggle through them.

Like my dancing.

- If you can stomach that,

then we're gonna come through

the other side, married.

Deal?

- Mmhmm.

- Hmm.

Yes.

I do!

- Yes, uh, who could I speak

to handles celebrity requests?

Uh huh, I can hold.

Hm.

Hmm. Hi.

Can I call you back?

Julian! I thought you were

just coming to the wedding?

- Felt like surprising you.

- Hmm.

- Hey, don't forget to pull

out, okay?

- Yeah.

- This is Kate?

- Well, is there any way

we could skip the waitlist?

Did you just cum

in someone's coat?

Well, that's great, Jean.

- I'd love to say a few words

before the mother of the bride.

years, but in many ways,

I know it's only been a few

I feel like I'm the other

mother to our little Annie.

- I'm gonna go get a drink.

Eleanor: Kate,

nice of you to join us.

You look a little flushed.

Been up to something?

Oh, but who can tell under

that fake tan of yours?

- Die in a fire.

- Annie would love that,

Bradley,

and I just know that the two

of you are going to make

the most beautiful babies.

- If I could just convince

this one, right?

- Oh, and may I introduce the

other mother of the bride,

Jane.

- I did not

think I would be here,

ever, doing this.

Um, Anne was very independent,

she barely had any friends.

- Okay.

- Anne was a toughie,

uh, which I think will serve

her very well in marriage.

As you know, Anne grew up

without her father,

who was a goddamn deadbeat.

- Um, but I think we did,

we did pretty good.

- I think this would be a good

time to have a toast

to the bride and groom.

- Please!

- Okay, well, let's do it.

I was gonna get to that.

- I would like to toast

to Anne and Brad.

- To Anne and Bradley, cheers!

- God, all right, hold on,

let me get this hair

under control.

All right, go crazy, purge.

- Your mom!

- Yup.

- My mom!

- Mm hmm.

- I think I drank too much.

- No you're crazy, barf it out.

This is Kate.

No, this is a good time.

Anne: Ugh, so hungover.

- But look at these Frenchies,

bitch.

tonight classy as shizzit.

Seriously, I'm going into

- Oh, shit.

- Swallow it, Anne.

- Oh, I'm good, I'm good.

Did you get a chance to talk

to Brad at all last night?

- Uh, there was so much goin'

on you know, but he is great.

- Call him great one more time,

I'm gonna rip your tits off.

- Can you just cut the shit

- Jesus, violent.

and be straight up with me,

please?

- Not everyone likes to dump

their shit on the table

all the time, okay?

what different does it make

what I think?

- Your opinion is like the most

important thing to me.

- Well, fuck if...

you need to know.

- I do!

- He's a drop controlling.

- What does that mean?

- It's not like a big thing,

it's just like you've been...

body snatched,

but it's like of the mind.

It's like you joined a...

kind of a cult, you know,

like the cult of Brad.

And you're in ch--

well, you're not in charge,

but you're like a really good

student. You know what it is?

You're like one of those kids

who's been kidnapped

and the cop spots you

at a bank,

and your eyes are saying

one thing, you know - SOS -

but your mouth is like,

I'm fine.

- Kate!

- What, am I nailing it?

- No! I am in love with him!

- Good!

It's more of a vibe thing.

The truth is I like him.

- I'm going to marry this guy.

- As you should, okay?

I'm sorry, you just...

you made me say all that stuff.

You cornered me.

- I made you say it?

Eleanor: Knock, knock!

Annie, I brought you

something borrowed.

- Oh, wow.

All right.

Oh my god, those are beautiful.

- They match your complexion

perfectly.

- Wow.

Anne: Thank you.

Eleanor: Oh, you deserve

everything in this world.

Jane: Smells like a chemical

plant in here.

- Jane.

- It's so uppity, right?

I asked them if I could

microwave my oatmeal package,

and they acted like

I'd shit the bed.

- Oh. Thanks, Mom.

- Okay.

You know what, I'm gonna go

and try your dad again.

Jane? Okay.

- Brought you something.

- Oh.

- It happens to be something

blue.

- Did uh, one of your

patients make this?

- Margaret did, yes,

and I'll have you know,

use of her motor skills.

she made them with very little

- They are very nice.

- Hmm.

- Please thank her for me.

- I would, but she is dead.

Kate: Okay.

- I'll um,

I'll see you out there.

- Really?

- She's great.

Jane: No, no.

No, no, please,

please sit down.

Just be comfortable.

- Mom, they're supposed

to do that.

- Nice earrings.

- Hi, everyone.

Uh, hello.

bring out the worst in Anne,

As public speaking tends to

she won't be up here speaking

tonight, but...

Her best friend,

Maid of Honour,

bridesmaid extraordinaire,

will be, Kate.

She's a lot of fun. She's a

very good-humoured person

and I can't wait to hear

from her.

- Aw, thank you.

Hi.

Such a um, such a great day,

right. And um...

That uh, that priest, so nice.

So like...

uh, and the flower girl,

very pretty.

since university,

Um, so look I've known Anne

and when I first met her

I actually thought she

was such a bitch.

Um, but I somehow gained

her trust,

and felt what it was like

to be loved, I guess.

And I don't even think

I need

anyone else's love

besides yours.

Is that weird?

Probably too much.

- Mm mm.

- But I'm happy to share her

with you, Brad,

'cause you're great.

Seriously, I know we don't know

each other very well,

but um, you make Anne

really happy,

and that makes me really happy.

So, let's lift our glasses,

or whatever,

to Anne... and Brad.

Both of 'em.

- I think before we have

a drink,

opportunity to say grace.

we should really take this

So if everyone could please

join me in bowing your heads?

Uh, take it away, Anne.

- Okay. Um...

I'm just gonna...

Dear God...

- Right, but is there like

a way to skip the list?

to wear it to an event, or...

Like what if his wife were

Eleanor: Kate!

I need to talk to you!

- Can I call you back?

What? What? Whaaat?

- Kate, believe it or not,

but there was a time that I

didn't want marriage either.

- Oh, here we go.

father.

- I had doubts about your

- I don't need to hear

about this.

- You think I didn't have

chemistry with other men?

Huh? That may have led to...

- Okay, Mom, I definitely

don't need to hear about this.

- But, I always came home

to him.

- He is my husband,

and that grounds me.

- Whadda you want?

A trophy? Mom, that's fucked!

- Oh, and that is fresh coming

from you.

Attending your best friend's

wedding with a married man.

- How did you even...

- Married.

he's separated, so...

- I have to pee. Like bad,

okay, and I don't need this.

Why don't you have another

drink?

- Son of a bitch.

Oh, George, thank you

for holding my spot.

- Sorry. Ooh!

- Sorry about this,

- Ooh.

I just, had a little

10 over here.

- No problem.

- Oh.

- Anything?

- Could you maybe just turn

around?

You just have this like secret

service vibe,

and I think if I could just see

you then I could just let go.

- Did I make it worse?

- No. It's better.

So what's your name?

- I'm Kate.

- I'm Nathan.

- Hi, Nathan.

What's your story?

- Well, I'm 27,

and I also have trouble peeing

in front of strangers.

And I'm somebody's pity date

tonight, so...

- Oh no, that's so sad.

- Yeah, sad for her.

I've eaten two pounds

of free shrimp.

- Oh, there it is.

Oh my god, sorry I just...

- Strong stream.

- Yeah.

- Good for you! Oh geez.

Oh, there we go.

Oh, shit.

- Oh here, I got ya.

Here, here, here.

- Oh no, this is so nice,

I couldn't.

go ahead.

- No, no, no, please,

I heard how much pee came

outta ya.

Drip dry is not gonna cut it so.

- Hi.

("Hey Mama" by Black Eyed Peas

plays)

- Oh my god, thank you.

the moon. Yeah, yeah.

My boss is gonna be over

Okay, speak soon.

Thank you, again.

- Hi.

I did it!

- Yeah? What the purse thing?

- Not just any purse,

I mean Indiana Jones

couldn't get this.

- Oh no?

had this moment, you know,

- God, you know, I just like

where I thought it wasn't

gonna happen.

- Yeah?

- But I was like,

I thought okay, what would

motivate this chick,

you know,

to like give me what I want?

will you just listen?

And then...

Shit!

- Don't worry about it,

it's not that bad.

It's not a big deal.

- Well I'm just, I'm all wet.

- Relax your dress looks like

it's from a Halloween store.

What? You look like you're

from a... Halloween store.

Fuck you!

- What?

Seriously, Kate? Come on.

Don't be a suck! Kate!

- Can I get 2 shots? Thanks.

All right, all right,

all right!

Let's switch it up a bit!

Give it up for the groom

tonight, he's on fire!

- Hey, Lionel!

- Anne, hi!

- Hey!

- Hi.

Uh, congrats.

Congratulations. Congrats.

- Oh yeah, thanks man.

- Yeah, you look beautiful,

by the way,

like really, like a princess so.

- Yeah.

- Aw. That's so nice.

- Thank you.

- Thank you for inviting me,

by the way.

- Dude, of course.

- I'm gonna go, I think.

- No, no, no, no!

- No, I'm gonna go.

- Hey man, don't go. Don't go.

I saw you dancing with Cindy,

she's awesome!

- Yeah.

- You like her, right?

- She's...sexy? She's sexy?

- Yeah!

- And you're such

a great-looking guy.

So you should stay.

Go, get laid!

- Yeah.

- Go man, go now!

Have a great time!

- Okay, thank you.

I see you, Cindy.

Yeah, baby.

- Jesus.

- Are you enjoying that?

- Oh, no. No, I'm not.

- Yeah, looks it.

Uh, it's actually disgusting.

- Yeah. Um, do you wanna

come down?

- Oh, I think it's too high

of a...

- Here, come here. Come here.

- Really?

- Mm hmm.

- Oh, thank you.

- Hmm.

out here, anyway?

- So what are you doing

Mourning your pocket square?

- I am, actually.

No dry cleaner could

ever clean it.

- Hmm.

- What happened to your dress?

- What? Oh, yeah.

Lapse of judgment.

- What?

- It's a crappy dress.

Looks nice to me.

Whoa.

- Wow.

- Sorry I just,

I had this like silent air

going and I wanted to...

act on it, and...

- Okay.

I dare ya to do it again.

- Oh well no, I mean,

I already did the dare.

- Oh, okay, Johnny Knoxville.

I dare ya to jump

in the fountain.

- What?

Dude, it's a foot deep.

That's not a dare,

that's a pedicure.

for me?

- Are you upping my dare

- Well I mean, what choice do I

have? If your dares are lame,

I gotta you know, up your game.

- Okay, what did you have

in mind?

Something more um, naked?

- Sorry, naked?

I don't think I said anything

about nudity.

I'll have you know I'm a lady.

Never even had a one-night

stand.

- Wow.

- That's an interesting dare.

Bradley: May I weigh in?

Anne: On?

- You carry too many

people's burdens.

pleasing your mother.

The burden of constantly

It's annoying, but it's

the right thing to do.

- Is it?

- And the burden of a very

toxic friendship.

- What the hell are you

talking about?

- Honey, Kate's a great girl,

and I see that,

but she clearly has some pretty

jaded views

about this whole picture here.

- I don't think you know

her well enough

to say something like that.

- I can... read people very

well, and...

I get a strong sense that...

thrilled about...

well, she's less than

our marriage.

- Well, I mean, uh...

- But you want this, right?

- Yes! Yes! Yes!

Yes, I want it,

and I want you. Yeah.

- Hey, gimme those eyes.

Hey, beautiful.

- Hey.

- It's okay to feel scared about

the next stage in your life.

- The perfect night.

Hi.

Kate: I know the rules,

just go!

Nathan: Okay. On your marks...

- Uh-huh?

- Get set...

- Go!

Hey!

Eleanor: Kate!

Have you no shame?

- Um...

- Fake tan.

- I'm so sorry.

Anne: Did you know he likes

modern art?

- No, I did not know that.

- Mmhmm.

- And I do too, so,

- Ugh, wish I'd known about

the whole modern art thing

before I said this

was a bad idea.

You know, common interests

and all that.

- Am I fucked?

- No.

I wanna be you when I grow up.

Mm-mm. You're a badass.

- Yeah, I dunno... anything.

- Neither do I.

- Just don't wanna be alone.

You know?

- Hmm.

Well, luckily you don't have

to worry about that.

- Right, because I got Brad.

- No, dummy. You got me.