Original subtitles

Hey, just in time.

This is definitely a two-man job.

Yeah, um, I'll do this bed over here.

No, what I meant to say is we should work together on the same bed,

it'll go faster that way.

Oh! Right.

I'll take one side.

You got a strong grip. You must work out.

Five times a week.

Yeah. I should get to a gym.

You know, I used to be an all-star quarterback in high school.

Really?

Yeah, still got the abs to prove it. Go ahead, feel this.

Yep, okay. Back to work. Busy, busy, busy.

Hey, you look familiar.

Really? Well uh, I've done some modeling.

Coach says suspension will not take effect for two weeks.

miliar? I

meant to say you look hot.

What?

Yeah, it's uh, kinda warm in here.

You know what I mean.

Barry: I think I do.

Chances are Darla slipped something in my beer and this is just a trippy dream.

Playin' hard to get.

Tell you what. How 'bout I meet you halfway?

Is this some kind of a trap?

Uh yeah. I'm the hunter. And you're caught in my net.

I think I got it. I think I got it.

Let Fred: Why not?

Um, for one we have beds to make.

There's still time for fun. We're on vacation, right?

Okay, I have something to tell you.

What?

This might come as a surprise.

I'm waiting.

My name's Barry.

So if you hate your name so much, just sue your parents.

No, no, it's just .. okay, brace yourself.

I'm .. I'm ...

I'm late, sorry. I promised Darla I'd help her pick an outfit for tomorrow.

Oh. Yeah.

That's why Darla asked you over. I wanted to talk.

Cause I feel I should apologize.

Really? For what?

Ah, for comin' on so strong yesterday. I really crossed the line.

Oh. That. I don't know.

Sometimes the lines get kinda fuzzy.

For example...

Was that crossing the line?

I thought you wanted me to kiss you.

Okay, hang on a second.

Oh, you're gonna play rough.

Huh?

A pillow fight. I'm unarmed.

No, I was gonna put this behind your head.

Oh.

Oh, so you can pin me down

for the old Chinese water torture trick.

No, I'm not into the kinky stuff. I just like it gentle.

Since when?

Here, let me show you.

(laughs) I knew you were up to no good.

You're just gonna pin me down and tickle me

'til I scream "Uncle. "

Okay, look. If you don't wanna do this, just tell me.

Russ on radio: How can these things be comfortable?

rstanding each other here.

Of course I wanna do this.

Don't you?

Uh, yeah. It's just that I'm not very, you know--

Nice?

No! Experienced with guys.

Right. Cause you dated all the cute girls in high school.

Yeah. I did. God, you really understand me.

And I bet you were class president and drove a brand new Mustang

and scored the final touchdown in the big game.

Wow! Omigod, you know there's only one way you know all that.

There is?

Yeah! Cause you were the exact same thing in high school, too!

Omigod, it's like we're the same!

All I know is you've got a great body.

Ohhh, so do you.

ge

n.Barrye

I'm not even finished yet. You're talking about next time.

It's like we were made for each other.

You got a condom?

Of course I have a condom!

I bet we wear the same size now.

Now ... where's that condom?

Passport? Where you goin' after this? Paris? Italy?

That expired in high school, I just use it for ID.

Holy crap! Wait a second, this is you?

Oh no.

You're Barry the Fairy?

Yes, yes you are. Your address is right here!

Okay, I mean I was Barry the but I'm a changed man.

I work out now. See?

Where are your braces?

And those horrible glasses.

The braces came off before college and I wear contacts

with just a hint of blue to bring out the color of my eyes.

God, you do look different.

I think the interesting part is how we hook up after all these years.

I mean, you used to make fun of me for being a sissy and now here we are getting it on.

Oh look. Found a condom. Now .. where were we?

(nervous throat-clearing)

Maybe if I go on that side of the bed.

Maybe we're just hungry.

I have protein bars.

Uh, sure.

I mean, it's not a big deal is it?

Me being who I am and everything?

Uh...

Cause I'm really not the same guy I used to be.

Of course. I'm not the same guy either.

You wore cardigans all the time.

That's all history.

Fast forward to the present and I'm lying here with you.

The captain of the football team.

Isn't life ironic?

Beyond...

Hey, when we get back home, you and I can hang together now.

You can meet my friends.

Oh, I don't mean any of those dweebs I used to hang out with.

Barry, we should talk.

I can't do this.

You can't?

You mean you don't want to.

You don't want to have anything to do with me cause I was Barry the Fairy.

No, it's not that. I just .. I û I û I can't.

But why? I mean, it was all going so well.

Look, I better go.

I can't believe it.

He's so mean!

Announcer: On the next Undressed.

Sure. Let's talk about last night.

It might take me a minute to remember though.

I partied my face off after you left.

Shhh! Would you just keep it down?

Look, I want to apologize, I was wrong.

Oh.

Well, I mean, if you think you have something you need to apologize for.

Look, the reason for me takin' off last night

has nothing to do with you being a geek in high school.

Shh. I thought we were keeping it down here. Barry the Fairy is dead.

Look. Okay, it's just that uh...

nobody knows I'm gay.

pulling your pants down every time you meet a guy.

I know. I mean, I don't normally do that but uh,

it's like I'm on vacation and no one knows me.

I see. You're vacation gay.

I can be anonymous.

I didn't realize you were the same Barry that I bullied in high school.

If you can forget about last night, we can move forward,

I'll make it up to you.

Really?

Really.

Oh, well. Why not?

Cool.

Whoah. People can see.

No one knows us, right?

What's wrong?

My friend Mitch is here.

He's not supposed to be here till next week.

If he finds out I'm gay, he'll go into a coma.

Barry? Can you pretend to be straight?

Of course I can.

Fred!

Ya!

Fred: What are you doing here?

Aw dude, Mexico was a bust so I thought I'd try my luck at love around these parts.

You're one dirty dog, my friend.

(slaps and shouts)

Hey! What's up!

Holy freakout man, you scared the fart outta me!

Mitch, this is uh, Barry. We were buds in high school.

Aw, right on! Any friend of Fred's is the dude!

So uh, you guys gettin' it on here?

Me and Fred?

Oh yeah.

I want to tell you, Mitch, the ladies around here do not disappoint, right Barry?

Right. I mean, the girls out here know a good Italian strappy sandal.

They really understand fashion, you know?

Yeah, it's just too bad that uh, Barry's already got his hands full.

That's his girlfriend.

I suppose what I did yesterday could be viewed as...

Oh! So this here's my little woman.

Fierce. Barry? You have good taste.

I'm a track and field star.

Barry: I was just telling Mitch

how we've been together for two happy years of monogamous sex.

When did you tell me that?

Oh, okay! I think it's working' again!

(guffaws)

So Fred? We going to shoot some pool?

No doubt! Whoo hoo Aaaah!!!

Barry: Whooo!

(crash)

Barry: Okay. Nobody move. I lost my contact lens.

Sandra, you u inst you guys t?

Sure.

Mitch: We're going to slaughter 'em.

They're going to slaughter us.

(quietly) Yeah, but Mitch's shoes should be quarantined.

I mean who wears white cross-trainers anymore?

Dude. You ho your cue like a girl.

Doesn't he, Fred?

It's not a tea party, Barry.

(crash)

Fred: Hey, are you alright?

Uh, no. My glasses.

You're doin' great!

My glasses are broken, I'm sure.

Oh, you're so cute when you're mad.

We'll fool around later.

Is it me or has Sandra been acting weird since she got back?

Perfect.

This seems very romantic.

Not exactly my approach when I'm angry at a guy.

I have it all planned out.

Fred thinks he can make me out to be a geek again?

Well, I'll show him.

All.

(knock at door)

(sexy) Hi Fred.

Boy, am I glad to see you.

Me, too.

I hope Mitch wasn't too much for you? He can be pretty intense.

Nah, I had a blast. Wanna beer?

Uh, thanks.

You know I was thinking.

There is something I have wanted to do with you ever since high school.

There is? What?

Tie you up.

Really? Cool.

This is one of those moments I wish could just last forever.

So uh, so what do we do now?

Now? We have some fun.

Oh, it's cold. But it feels good.

Mm hm?

Yeah. Oh.

How 'bout this?

Ah.

I think I dropped the ice cube in your tightie whities.

Get it out. Get it outta there. It's c-c-c-cold.

You have a s-s-stutter.

Barry, are you angry about something by any chance?

See? I told you I'm a freak of nature.

I was going to cover you with honey and feathers and lock you in here with a hungry ferret

but I couldn't find a ferret in time.

What are you angry about? I thought we had fun.

You guys treated me like a geek.

Whoah, hang on, you're not a geek.

Look at me. Today was way more humiliating than anything in high school.

You know why? We're not in high school anymore.

Okay, it's not fair making you pretend to be straight.

I don't think we should hang out anymore.

But I already decided.

I'm going to come out to Mitch.

I'm doing it for you.

You are?

I don't believe it.

No one's ever done anything like that for me before.

(pounding on keyboard)

Aw, you messed up the bed.

I'm gonna have to strip down and start over.

Oh, damn, you're hot.

You better get a new set of contact lenses before you accidentally walk out a window.

Uh, let's finish making the bed.

Really?

You don't wanna....?

I'm just .. I'm not into it right now.

Hey, you know I'm sorry about yesterday, right?

You're not gonna have to play straight again.

I'm gonna tell Mitch I'm gay.

Okay. If you're sure?

Barry, I wanna do this for you.

Then maybe you'll feel like having sex.

The first being a man out of a kilt, of course.

(Barry laughs)

Barry: Oh, sumo wrestler. Now he'd go well with your Geisha dress.

No can do. Tonight I'm gonna be a cowgirl.

Mmm.

Help me find a cowboy?

Uh, we'll have to make it quick.

Fred and I are spending the evening together.

Just as soon as he tells Mitch the sitch.

Oh, he's coming out of the closet for you?

That's so romantic.

Men move mountains for me, honey.

Oh, there he is.

Darla: Hmm, Mitch doesn't look that upset.

And Fred looks like he just--

checked out that girl's ass!

Barry: I don't think Fred's told Mitch anything.

So this stuff's really invisible?