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1
00:00:31,490 --> 00:00:39,890
So tell us exactly what happened
well we went over to my room
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00:00:39,890 --> 00:00:44,050
yes
and I took off my clothes
3
00:00:44,050 --> 00:00:47,410
ok
And then I took his clothes off
4
00:00:47,410 --> 00:00:54,199
go on
and then we did it
5
00:00:54,199 --> 00:00:55,590
how many times?
6
00:00:55,590 --> 00:01:02,880
I don't know, once maybe twice
he was doing okay
7
00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:07,050
then what happened
well then he told me he was broke and could
8
00:01:07,050 --> 00:01:11,870
I give him a break
what'd you do next?
9
00:01:11,870 --> 00:01:22,870
Well I went over to the closet
and I took out a sexual enhancement device
10
00:01:22,870 --> 00:01:25,600
And is this the device?
11
00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:29,960
Yeah that's it
then what did you do?
12
00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:31,960
I'll show ya
13
00:01:31,960 --> 00:04:08,290
(music)
14
00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:13,900
every time I look out my window it hits me
Los Angeles, the city of the angels
15
00:04:13,900 --> 00:04:19,600
I'd like to meet the sick son of a bitch that
thought that one up
16
00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:26,760
he must've had one wicked sense of humor
things had been relatively quiet until the
17
00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:30,590
middle of June
I say relatively as in relative to any giant
18
00:04:30,590 --> 00:04:32,940
sewer
that has 8 million rats scrurrying around
19
00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:36,680
looking for something to gnaw on
now that's the kind of quiet that makes L.A.
20
00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:39,900
the kind of place it is
Anyway
21
00:04:39,900 --> 00:04:43,430
Around mid-June someone must have turned over
a big rock
22
00:04:43,430 --> 00:04:47,569
because something weirder than the normal
weird began chewing up the local citizenry
23
00:04:47,569 --> 00:04:51,770
and spitting little pieces all over Glitter
City
24
00:04:51,770 --> 00:04:57,699
Where it started or exactly when I'm not sure
I don't think the cops even know
25
00:04:57,699 --> 00:05:02,310
but on a warm night, not long enough ago to
suit me, things were beginning to take shape
26
00:05:02,310 --> 00:05:08,949
somewhere on the other side of town
and it wasn't gonna be a pretty picture
27
00:05:08,949 --> 00:05:14,389
The West Side Bar
the kind of dark, quiet, sleazy place where
28
00:05:14,389 --> 00:05:18,180
dark, quiet, sleazy things happen on a regular
basis
29
00:05:18,180 --> 00:06:03,409
every now and then, someone dies
30
00:06:03,409 --> 00:06:05,160
you from around here?
31
00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:07,189
Yeah
where you from?
32
00:06:07,189 --> 00:06:13,759
Seattle
just down here for a few weeks on a job
33
00:06:13,759 --> 00:06:18,099
me too
what's your name, Seattle?
34
00:06:18,099 --> 00:06:19,099
Bo.
35
00:06:19,099 --> 00:06:25,360
Bo Hansen
Bo, Bo Hansen?
36
00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:27,840
What are you, a circus clown?
37
00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:32,039
Not Bobo, just Bo
my name, smart ass.
38
00:06:32,039 --> 00:06:33,620
Bo Hansen
well
39
00:06:33,620 --> 00:06:39,740
look who got up on the wrong side of the construction
site this morning
40
00:06:39,740 --> 00:06:43,009
what you need is some TFC to calm you down
TFC?
41
00:06:43,009 --> 00:06:53,400
What the hell is TFC?
It's Tender Fucking Care you big stiff
42
00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:58,379
you're a hooker, aren't you?
43
00:06:58,379 --> 00:07:01,729
Hey you moron
I'm a lady
44
00:07:01,729 --> 00:07:08,759
any jerk can see that
but I do, occasionally, provide services to
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00:07:08,759 --> 00:07:14,969
release tension in our city's workforce
a social worker of sorts
46
00:07:14,969 --> 00:07:21,949
God knows you could use some social work
something got ya down, don't it baby?
47
00:07:21,949 --> 00:07:23,860
Yeah
but I don't wanna talk about it
48
00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:28,300
why don't you let Momma Mercedes buy you a
drink at her place
49
00:07:28,300 --> 00:07:31,370
it's cheaper there
I doubt that
50
00:07:31,370 --> 00:07:38,169
Oh come on, Bo
you could tell me how they sink those big
51
00:07:38,169 --> 00:07:45,210
girders in all that wet cement
Mercedes, huh?
52
00:07:45,210 --> 00:07:49,889
Man I bet you're as expensive as a fuckin
Mercedes Benz
53
00:07:49,889 --> 00:07:55,759
don't you worry about that
for big studs like you I can arrange financing
54
00:07:55,759 --> 00:07:58,539
what do ya say?
55
00:07:58,539 --> 00:08:28,770
Ah fuck it, come on let's go
this is your place?
56
00:08:28,770 --> 00:08:29,770
Yeah...
57
00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:34,650
Howard Hughes left it to me when he died
haven't seen anything like this since I left
58
00:08:34,650 --> 00:08:38,820
Okinawa
Ooh, a military man
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00:08:38,820 --> 00:08:45,760
Drill Instructor
now we're talking
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00:08:45,760 --> 00:09:05,399
have a seat
ya know, you construction workers really turn
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00:09:05,399 --> 00:09:11,250
me on
must be the way we... pound nails
62
00:09:11,250 --> 00:09:22,300
I'll bet you pound a bucket-full a day
Sometimes
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00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:26,110
you want some music?
It's your party
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00:09:26,110 --> 00:09:51,130
it's OUR party
he really sends me
65
00:09:51,130 --> 00:10:12,579
yeah, nice
real nice
66
00:10:12,579 --> 00:11:00,910
this music does something to me
sometimes I get carried away
67
00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:13,700
want one?
68
00:11:13,700 --> 00:11:52,190
Oh, talk about stiff joints!
Oh yeah
69
00:11:52,190 --> 00:12:02,790
relax baby, relax
we don't want this to be over before we even
70
00:12:02,790 --> 00:12:03,790
get started, do we?
71
00:12:03,790 --> 00:12:06,720
I'm relaxin, I'm relaxin
I've got just the thing to loosen you up
72
00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:21,069
now close your eyes
and Mercedes will bring you a big surprise
73
00:12:21,069 --> 00:12:24,259
what are you doing?
Just keep those eyes closed
74
00:12:24,259 --> 00:12:28,020
and leave the driving to us, big boy
oh yeah
75
00:12:28,020 --> 00:12:34,000
oh yeah baby that's it
oh drag me to heaven
76
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:46,110
take me to heaven
Your request is my demand!
77
00:12:46,110 --> 00:13:19,509
Oh no!
Oh nooooo!
78
00:13:19,509 --> 00:13:32,269
(screaming)
pieces started floating to the surface of
79
00:13:32,269 --> 00:13:36,850
the sewer around mid-June
cops immediately thought a serial killer was
80
00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:40,449
at large
well the M.O. was consistent, somebody liked
81
00:13:40,449 --> 00:13:45,089
a good chainsaw
but murder's not usually my racket
82
00:13:45,089 --> 00:13:50,290
my name's Jack Chandler
I find missing people, not pieces
83
00:13:50,290 --> 00:13:56,029
Once in a while, the two jobs overlap
I'd been hired to find a runaway teenage beauty
84
00:13:56,029 --> 00:13:59,259
from Oxnard
I was hired by the beauty's mother
85
00:13:59,259 --> 00:14:04,060
Seems the beauty's stepfather had been tucking
her into bed a little too tight and she decided
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00:14:04,060 --> 00:14:08,350
to split to the big city
personally, I felt she couldn't be doing any
87
00:14:08,350 --> 00:14:13,730
worse than the deal she had at home
As usual, I was 100% wrong
88
00:14:13,730 --> 00:14:17,320
Harrison at metro had a freaked out girl that
matched that description of my runaway in
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00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:21,639
custody
the charge: makin McNuggets with a chainsaw
90
00:14:21,639 --> 00:14:28,899
I don't give a good God damn
now you listen to me, put the gloves on, open
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00:14:28,899 --> 00:14:32,300
the bag,
that's right, and count 'em again
92
00:14:32,300 --> 00:14:38,010
Jackson, you're the coroner, if your stomach
can't handle it, who's can?
93
00:14:38,010 --> 00:14:42,430
I don't care how many lunches you lose
I wanna know how many victims are in that
94
00:14:42,430 --> 00:14:46,600
bag and I wanna know soon or I'll find another
coroner!
95
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:49,540
How's business, Mick?
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00:14:49,540 --> 00:14:50,540
Chandler.
97
00:14:50,540 --> 00:14:54,439
Just what I need today, a private dick in
my face
98
00:14:54,439 --> 00:14:57,699
Come on Mick, let's have a little professional
courtesy, huh?
99
00:14:57,699 --> 00:15:00,420
After all, we're both on the same side of
the law
100
00:15:00,420 --> 00:15:03,579
Only because you haven't been caught, yet
now you don't wanna believe all those things
101
00:15:03,579 --> 00:15:05,980
you read in those dime novels, do ya?
102
00:15:05,980 --> 00:15:08,699
Some of us are honest
that's what this town's been needing for a
103
00:15:08,699 --> 00:15:14,769
long time, an honest dick
I'll tell ya, I'm about as honest as any man
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00:15:14,769 --> 00:15:19,390
on the force
then you should be locked up
105
00:15:19,390 --> 00:15:23,500
what do you want, Jack?
106
00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:27,759
Looking for a girl
name's Samantha Kelso
107
00:15:27,759 --> 00:15:31,639
goes by Sam sometimes
I heard you had somebody down in lock up,
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00:15:31,639 --> 00:15:34,060
looks just like her
thought I might get lucky
109
00:15:34,060 --> 00:15:38,189
you mean the nut with the chainsaw?
You get a name on her yet?
110
00:15:38,189 --> 00:15:40,740
Nah, the boys in interrogation screwed up
big time
111
00:15:40,740 --> 00:15:45,060
they thought the sight of the murder weapon
might shock her into spilling her guts
112
00:15:45,060 --> 00:15:47,569
only problem was they forgot to take the gas
out of it
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00:15:47,569 --> 00:15:51,180
and she spilled their guts instead
she's a first class looney
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00:15:51,180 --> 00:15:57,120
and we have no way of I.D.ing her so far
can I see her?
115
00:15:57,120 --> 00:16:04,360
What the hell... why not?
Have some men bring the Cuisinart queen in
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00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:07,120
from lock up
thanks, Mick
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00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:09,350
no problem.
118
00:16:09,350 --> 00:16:13,920
So, what's the story on this one?
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00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:16,209
You know, typical runaway.
120
00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:20,209
Daddy bounces her on the wrong knee one too
many times, she goes searching for a new daddy
121
00:16:20,209 --> 00:16:23,470
town's full of 'em
yeah?
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00:16:23,470 --> 00:16:24,650
Daddies or runaways?
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00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:31,959
Both.
And I thought I was burned out
124
00:16:31,959 --> 00:16:37,269
bring her in
you can wait outside the door.
125
00:16:37,269 --> 00:16:40,050
Yes sir
sit down
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00:16:40,050 --> 00:16:42,720
hello
Hi
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00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:44,060
well?
128
00:16:44,060 --> 00:16:54,760
Close, but no cigar
what's your name, sweetheart?
129
00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:58,770
Lori, what's yours?
130
00:16:58,770 --> 00:17:00,110
Jack.
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00:17:00,110 --> 00:17:01,389
You from around here Lori?
132
00:17:01,389 --> 00:17:03,640
Uh-huh
You ever been to Oxnard?
133
00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:11,770
No but I've been around the world a few times
you ever seen this girl?
134
00:17:11,770 --> 00:17:17,430
What's the matter, chainsaw got your tongue?
You guys are kinda cute
135
00:17:17,430 --> 00:17:22,350
both of ya
say, how'd you two boys like to take a little
136
00:17:22,350 --> 00:17:24,180
trip with Lori, huh?
137
00:17:24,180 --> 00:17:29,210
All you gotta do is pick my lock
forget it, psycho
138
00:17:29,210 --> 00:17:32,470
Officer Roberts, escort this freak back to
lock up
139
00:17:32,470 --> 00:17:38,700
Oooh talk tough to me daddy, it turns me on
get her outta here, now!
140
00:17:38,700 --> 00:17:43,530
Let's go
see ya later, boys
141
00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:49,539
don't bet on it
tough break, Chandler
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00:17:49,539 --> 00:17:54,690
Nah, nah no sweat
I'd have been worried if it was really her,
143
00:17:54,690 --> 00:17:56,490
that woulda been too easy
yeah
144
00:17:56,490 --> 00:17:57,490
what?
145
00:17:57,490 --> 00:18:05,940
Sir, they just brought something in that you
might want to take a look at, it's down at
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00:18:05,940 --> 00:18:09,710
the lab
Okay I'll head down that way
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00:18:09,710 --> 00:18:11,049
Never ends.
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00:18:11,049 --> 00:18:14,000
I'll walk with ya
yeah, ok
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00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:26,380
set of keys, lip balm, mascara looks like,
and uh
150
00:18:26,380 --> 00:18:34,390
what do ya got?
The boys on the beat found this stuff on the
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00:18:34,390 --> 00:18:36,850
sidewalk
dog was playing with it
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00:18:36,850 --> 00:18:45,690
let's see it
this from uptown?
153
00:18:45,690 --> 00:18:50,500
No sir, they found it in West L.A.
get some prints off those and run 'em through
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00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:51,770
the computer
yes sir
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00:18:51,770 --> 00:18:56,230
let me know when you find the rest of 'em
sir! There's something else in here, stuck
156
00:18:56,230 --> 00:18:57,799
to the bottom
what is it?
157
00:18:57,799 --> 00:18:59,490
A matchbook
no shit!
158
00:18:59,490 --> 00:19:01,510
Could it be a clue?
159
00:19:01,510 --> 00:19:12,160
Everything's a clue, son
well, uh, see you around guys
160
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:20,470
hey Harrison, wait for me
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't shake
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00:19:20,470 --> 00:19:24,200
that girl Lori off my mind
her face, her voice
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00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:28,179
the way she looked at us
it all kept bugging me, but it wasn't getting
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00:19:28,179 --> 00:19:34,740
me any closer to finding Samantha Kelso
neither was coming here, but it made me feel
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00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:38,909
better
this is where Sally lives, Sally's my girl,
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00:19:38,909 --> 00:19:42,490
sort of
deep down I felt there was some connection
166
00:19:42,490 --> 00:19:46,020
between that chainsaw-happy chick and my missing
girl
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00:19:46,020 --> 00:19:49,250
I saw the look in her eyes when she saw Samantha's
picture
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00:19:49,250 --> 00:19:53,490
she knew her from somewhere
and the cops had come up with another victim,
169
00:19:53,490 --> 00:19:57,050
or at least part of him
maybe there was another killer out there
170
00:19:57,050 --> 00:20:29,970
just maybe
Something told me to pinch the matches when
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00:20:29,970 --> 00:20:34,080
I first saw them
someone had scrawled a number inside the matches
172
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:38,970
and a name, Mercedes
had the guy been trying to buy a car and wound
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00:20:38,970 --> 00:20:47,000
up in a used parts department himself?
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00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:50,160
Sally was out like a light
but the night was still young so I decided
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00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:54,250
to get back to work
being a dick is a 24-hour a day job
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00:20:54,250 --> 00:20:58,450
where the fuck do you think you're going now?
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00:20:58,450 --> 00:21:03,020
Sally woke up and had that longing look in
her eye
178
00:21:03,020 --> 00:21:06,480
begged me not to leave, but I told her I had
a dangerous job I had to go on
179
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:12,649
and she understood, she wished me well, threw
me a kiss
180
00:21:12,649 --> 00:21:19,870
what can I tell ya, the kid just loved me
I told her I'd be real careful and I'd come
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00:21:19,870 --> 00:21:24,640
back as soon as I could
tears welled up in her eyes as I walked out
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00:21:24,640 --> 00:22:02,140
the door
meanwhile, across town
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00:22:02,140 --> 00:22:30,279
are you Lisa?
184
00:22:30,279 --> 00:22:36,309
Yeah
you Hermie Beamer?
185
00:22:36,309 --> 00:22:40,120
Just call me Herman
yeah, alright
186
00:22:40,120 --> 00:22:51,909
okay Hermie, what do you got to drink around
here?
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00:22:51,909 --> 00:22:54,920
Is sour mash alright?
It'll do
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00:22:54,920 --> 00:23:07,730
for a start
what's in the suitcase?
189
00:23:07,730 --> 00:23:22,370
24 inches of fun
I beg your pardon?
190
00:23:22,370 --> 00:23:29,039
Toys, for big boys
oh
191
00:23:29,039 --> 00:23:34,880
so tell me Hermie, what's on your beady little
mind?
192
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:45,570
Well, I um, would like to take some pictures
nude
193
00:23:45,570 --> 00:23:50,640
that's doable
it's not for me, for my business
194
00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:58,500
Hermie, you're not going to sell naked pictures
of me on the street...
195
00:23:58,500 --> 00:23:59,500
no!
196
00:23:59,500 --> 00:24:08,399
I wouldn't do that
this is for a calendar, advertising my product
197
00:24:08,399 --> 00:24:15,039
and what exactly is it that you sell?
198
00:24:15,039 --> 00:24:19,159
Baseball bats
nude calendars for baseball bats...
199
00:24:19,159 --> 00:24:24,690
all the little leaguers just love 'em
church groups do, too
200
00:24:24,690 --> 00:24:37,840
ok Hermie, it's your ballgame
let's see if you can go the whole 9 innings
201
00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:51,539
hold it, hold it
oh great!
202
00:24:51,539 --> 00:25:17,490
Oh great, bring back... oh
hold it
203
00:25:17,490 --> 00:25:37,390
oh yes, that's perfect
just hold that
204
00:25:37,390 --> 00:25:59,710
perfect
oh that's really good
205
00:25:59,710 --> 00:26:14,130
why are you coming so close?
206
00:26:14,130 --> 00:26:16,890
I can't keep it in focus
why are you coming so close?
207
00:26:16,890 --> 00:26:42,769
I can't do it if you come this close!
Well Hermie, it looks like your calendar idea
208
00:26:42,769 --> 00:27:16,280
was ahead of it's time
while Herman's evening may have been... cut
209
00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:20,940
short... mine was just getting started
I came back to my office to dial the number
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00:27:20,940 --> 00:27:24,880
on the matchbook
it rang a long time, something deep inside
211
00:27:24,880 --> 00:27:28,340
me hoped there'd be no answer
no such luck.
212
00:27:28,340 --> 00:27:33,179
A woman picked up the phone
she said she was selling, but not a car
213
00:27:33,179 --> 00:27:37,600
Mercedes was her name
low miles, built for comfort not speed
214
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:41,049
I played it cool and agreed to meet her at
the West Side for a drink
215
00:27:41,049 --> 00:27:45,950
after I hung up I began to wonder if the finger
prints on the matchbook would turn out to
216
00:27:45,950 --> 00:27:49,500
be hers
another death by dismemberment in the news
217
00:27:49,500 --> 00:27:52,889
tonight, this brings the total up to 5 over
the last 2 weeks
218
00:27:52,889 --> 00:27:56,679
Detective Harrison of the metro division made
a statement this afternoon attributing the
219
00:27:56,679 --> 00:28:00,450
most recent death to an accident
the guy was just cleaning his chainsaw when
220
00:28:00,450 --> 00:28:03,950
it went off
yeah sure, maybe it was a suicide
221
00:28:03,950 --> 00:28:08,620
I didn't believe Harrison's theory any more
than the d.j. did, but I understood it
222
00:28:08,620 --> 00:28:12,910
I knew what the police statement was all about
it was just a little fairy tale to help the
223
00:28:12,910 --> 00:28:16,789
kids sleep at night
at the time I was a lot more concerned about
224
00:28:16,789 --> 00:28:21,899
meeting this mysterious dame alone than what
the radio had to say about the chainsaw killer
225
00:28:21,899 --> 00:28:25,919
if I was on the trail of one of these psychos,
I wanted to make sure I didn't end up in a
226
00:28:25,919 --> 00:28:29,230
paper bag
like the last guy who lit these matches
227
00:28:29,230 --> 00:28:35,520
who knows, maybe I'd get lucky and the dame
could lead me to Samantha Kelso and I could
228
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:39,309
wrap up the case
nice and clean and pay last month's rent
229
00:28:39,309 --> 00:28:42,000
little Jack lucky
that's what they called me
230
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:54,350
yeah... sure...
it didn't look like my date had arrived yet,
231
00:28:54,350 --> 00:28:58,940
I wasn't quite sure who I was looking for
all Mercedes said was that her headlights
232
00:28:58,940 --> 00:29:02,730
were great
I decided to get a drink and bug the bar hop
233
00:29:02,730 --> 00:29:17,840
a little
What'll it be, pal?
234
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:43,840
Bourbon, with a bourbon chaser
think I'll have to write that down
235
00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:48,210
I decided to flash the missing girl's picture
around while I waited
236
00:29:48,210 --> 00:29:53,450
first I showed him Samantha Kelso's photo
then I showed him a picture of a chainsaw
237
00:29:53,450 --> 00:29:58,690
I'd torn out of a magazine at Sally's place
still nothing
238
00:29:58,690 --> 00:30:03,779
then I showed him how to make a shadow bunny
on the wall
239
00:30:03,779 --> 00:30:08,740
nothing phased this guy
I hope you haven't been waiting long
240
00:30:08,740 --> 00:30:18,279
no I... just got here
you're uh...
241
00:30:18,279 --> 00:30:24,929
Mercedes
oh, how'd you pick me out?
242
00:30:24,929 --> 00:30:32,600
You're the only man in here
buy you a drink?
243
00:30:32,600 --> 00:30:52,510
Yeah, first let's get a table
okay
244
00:30:52,510 --> 00:31:06,840
So, tell me, uh...
245
00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:10,380
Jack
Jack, so tell me Jack
246
00:31:10,380 --> 00:31:18,669
how did you come by my number?
An acquaintance of mine passed it on to me
247
00:31:18,669 --> 00:31:23,580
yeah, he said that he was very very happy
with the
248
00:31:23,580 --> 00:31:31,480
headlights and upholstery
Jack?
249
00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:36,159
Yeah
I'm going to fuck your brains out
250
00:31:36,159 --> 00:31:41,179
I didn't like the sound of that
Well I'll get the drinks
251
00:31:41,179 --> 00:31:44,950
oh, don't bother
this one's on me
252
00:31:44,950 --> 00:31:54,501
besides, I know the bartender personally
he might get mad if I don't come by to say
253
00:31:54,501 --> 00:31:59,320
hello
oh yeah, he's a real social kind of guy
254
00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:02,179
Mercedes certainly seemed to have her engine
racing
255
00:32:02,179 --> 00:32:06,240
but that didn't make her guilty of murder,
if that was the case the whole town would
256
00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:10,370
be in trouble
of course that didn't rule her out, either
257
00:32:10,370 --> 00:32:13,130
I looked over at the little number on the
stage
258
00:32:13,130 --> 00:32:23,820
she was shaking it pretty good, even if no
one was watching
259
00:32:23,820 --> 00:32:27,299
you could've knocked me over with a pubic
hair
260
00:32:27,299 --> 00:32:32,970
there she was, Samantha Kelso
humping it out on that little stage for anyone
261
00:32:32,970 --> 00:32:39,500
who could stick a buck down her pants
maybe my luck had started to change
262
00:32:39,500 --> 00:32:44,080
I checked the photo to make sure
it was her all right.
263
00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:48,840
A little slinkier and a little more seasoned
than when the picture was taken, but then
264
00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:54,510
city life will do that to a dish like her
warning bells started going off in my head
265
00:32:54,510 --> 00:32:59,929
so I decided to put in a call to Harrison
if there were going to be fireworks, I wanted
266
00:32:59,929 --> 00:33:02,740
to make sure my friends in blue were invited
to the party
267
00:33:02,740 --> 00:33:03,740
Hello Metro?
268
00:33:03,740 --> 00:33:05,880
You have reached the metropolitan police homicide
division.
269
00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:07,460
All operators are currently busy.
270
00:33:07,460 --> 00:33:08,460
Please hold.
271
00:33:08,460 --> 00:33:11,550
Your call will be answered in the order it
was received.
272
00:33:11,550 --> 00:33:14,049
If you have committed a recent homicide, please
stay on the line.
273
00:33:14,049 --> 00:33:15,049
We want very much to hear from you.
274
00:33:15,049 --> 00:33:25,409
If you are currently in fear of becoming a
homicide in the next few minutes, you may
275
00:33:25,409 --> 00:33:37,850
want to hang up and dial 911 for immediate
service
276
00:33:37,850 --> 00:33:44,070
Thank you
Damn answering machines!
277
00:33:44,070 --> 00:33:47,659
I didn't have time to wait for the metro boys
to get around to my call
278
00:33:47,659 --> 00:33:53,779
my date was back
I'm sorry, I had to go wash up it's kind of
279
00:33:53,779 --> 00:33:57,841
a rough day
well, let's hope that your evening goes a
280
00:33:57,841 --> 00:34:03,929
little smoother
yeah, let's hope
281
00:34:03,929 --> 00:34:09,550
are you looking for someone, Jack?
282
00:34:09,550 --> 00:34:12,159
Hmm?
It's not nice to make your date jealous
283
00:34:12,159 --> 00:34:15,460
oh I'm sorry, just this habit I have.
284
00:34:15,460 --> 00:34:22,470
I'm sort of a people watcher
well, I like to participate more than spectate
285
00:34:22,470 --> 00:34:30,200
well, different strokes for different folks,
that's what makes a superbowl
286
00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:37,750
what's that you're driking, anyway?
It's a Screaming Orgasm
287
00:34:37,750 --> 00:34:40,679
somehow I knew it would be...
288
00:34:40,679 --> 00:34:54,339
I just love intelligent men
yeah, I'm kind of an... noticing that you're
289
00:34:54,339 --> 00:34:56,470
kind of... you're...
290
00:34:56,470 --> 00:35:04,390
I'm a real scream once you get to know me
Oh yeah, little Jack lucky, that's what they
291
00:35:04,390 --> 00:35:07,720
should call me alright
I've got more luck than anyone should have
292
00:35:07,720 --> 00:35:12,000
a right to
unfortunately, it's all bad
293
00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:17,780
oh well, I guess I should've been looking
at the glass instead of the ass, that'll teach
294
00:35:17,780 --> 00:35:22,440
me
Yeah, sure it will
295
00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:26,760
if my head wasn't hurting so much I'd have
sworn I was in heaven
296
00:35:26,760 --> 00:35:32,359
heaven for guys who liked big tits
but my head was hurting, and I wasn't in heaven
297
00:35:32,359 --> 00:35:39,869
I wasn't even close
don't say a thing
298
00:35:39,869 --> 00:35:43,910
lie back, be still
you've been through a terrible ordeal
299
00:35:43,910 --> 00:35:47,839
what happened?
On my way home tonight I found you in the
300
00:35:47,839 --> 00:35:49,790
gutter
I thought you were dead
301
00:35:49,790 --> 00:35:53,240
well I guess I'm lucky you bumped over me,
huh?
302
00:35:53,240 --> 00:35:55,700
Lot of people wouldn't have had the nerve
to do that
303
00:35:55,700 --> 00:36:01,569
I'm so glad you didn't die on me
that would've been awful
304
00:36:01,569 --> 00:36:05,170
yeah... where am I exactly anyway?
In my apartment
305
00:36:05,170 --> 00:36:07,859
do you remember what happened?
306
00:36:07,859 --> 00:36:15,660
I was in a bar with a beautiful girl having
a drink, and all of a sudden lights out
307
00:36:15,660 --> 00:36:19,349
is that it?
That's all I remember.
308
00:36:19,349 --> 00:36:29,260
Sorry it's not a very exciting story
well, I was looking through your wallet for
309
00:36:29,260 --> 00:36:30,260
a little identification
you're a detective
310
00:36:30,260 --> 00:36:35,690
private eye, I trace missing persons mostly
that must be very exciting
311
00:36:35,690 --> 00:36:41,450
oh yeah, it's a barrel of laughs
I thought you might be chasing after some
312
00:36:41,450 --> 00:36:46,240
murderers or kidnappers or something
no nothing that spectacular, just a teenage
313
00:36:46,240 --> 00:36:49,350
runaway
somewhere along the line I must've slipped
314
00:36:49,350 --> 00:36:51,180
on a piece of shit and landed in here with
you
315
00:36:51,180 --> 00:36:56,550
why don't you call the police?
316
00:36:56,550 --> 00:37:04,339
Well I tried, couldn't get through
oh I'm so glad Jack
317
00:37:04,339 --> 00:37:09,060
because I have you all to myself now
for a moment there I thought I was paralyzed,
318
00:37:09,060 --> 00:37:16,290
then I noticed, my hands and feet were tied
sister, what's with the bondage routine here
319
00:37:16,290 --> 00:37:23,550
I just didn't want you running away before
I could get to know you better
320
00:37:23,550 --> 00:37:27,400
well that was it
I'd been played for a 14 karat gold plated
321
00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:31,349
goof one more time
if there was an award for suckers given out
322
00:37:31,349 --> 00:37:41,970
annually I'd have to buy a bigger mantle piece
now girls, girls, ordinarily this would be
323
00:37:41,970 --> 00:37:46,360
a real picnic for me
but see, I've been seeing this other lady
324
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:50,410
recently
we're sort of going steady you know, so somehow
325
00:37:50,410 --> 00:37:59,150
I don't feel right about this
how dare you act like a pack of wild animals
326
00:37:59,150 --> 00:38:00,970
in my presence
we didn't hear you come in
327
00:38:00,970 --> 00:38:03,990
we were just preparing him
no kidding.
328
00:38:03,990 --> 00:38:10,270
Get out
till I call for you
329
00:38:10,270 --> 00:38:19,040
Well I'm sure lucky you showed up when you
did
330
00:38:19,040 --> 00:38:31,550
don't be so sure
Ilsa
331
00:38:31,550 --> 00:38:40,090
now now honey not in front of the guest
you don't have to do that, I took a bath only
332
00:38:40,090 --> 00:38:44,610
yesterday
whoa!
333
00:38:44,610 --> 00:38:54,520
We're very honored to have you here, Mr. Chandler
cut it out, cut it out
334
00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:56,810
let me rephrase that...
ahhh!
335
00:38:56,810 --> 00:39:14,349
Please Mr. Chandler, think of the neighbors
they're trying to sleep
336
00:39:14,349 --> 00:39:27,240
very good work Ilsa
there, I think that's clean enough
337
00:39:27,240 --> 00:39:35,089
you see, you've stumbled on us at a very bad
time Jack
338
00:39:35,089 --> 00:39:41,640
bad for you, that is
better?
339
00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:46,550
That's the biggest bra I ever tasted
you're an amusing fellow
340
00:39:46,550 --> 00:39:50,970
it's a shame we won't have more time to chat
oh yeah?
341
00:39:50,970 --> 00:39:53,950
I got plenty of time, I don't have another
appointment till noon tomorrow
342
00:39:53,950 --> 00:39:58,460
I'm afraid you'll have to cancel that, you'll
be otherwise engaged at that time
343
00:39:58,460 --> 00:40:05,260
I suppose you are wondering what's going on
huh, no, seems typical to me
344
00:40:05,260 --> 00:40:10,180
but I will admit that the sight of that chainsaw
on the nightstand has my curiosity piqued
345
00:40:10,180 --> 00:40:17,540
it's a very important part of our religion
oh.. sort of a means to an end, so to speak
346
00:40:17,540 --> 00:40:21,430
much more than that
it is the cosmic link by which all things
347
00:40:21,430 --> 00:40:22,960
are united
oh really?
348
00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:26,640
See I would've thought it was the other way
around
349
00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:29,940
doesn't seem like you kids have been doing
much uniting of anything around here lately
350
00:40:29,940 --> 00:40:31,850
Just what is it you think we have been doing?
351
00:40:31,850 --> 00:40:37,700
The way I see it, you guys have got this black
market body part transplant business
352
00:40:37,700 --> 00:40:41,510
where you take the arms and legs of young
studs and you give 'em to rich old fucks who
353
00:40:41,510 --> 00:40:44,960
can't hack it anymore
you know, sort of a love "em and cleave 'em"
354
00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:48,330
racket
with a little quality control department on
355
00:40:48,330 --> 00:40:51,430
the side
the girls?
356
00:40:51,430 --> 00:40:55,500
Yeah yeah these high powered vacuum pumps
with tits
357
00:40:55,500 --> 00:40:58,849
an imaginative theory, but you're way off
the mark
358
00:40:58,849 --> 00:41:04,250
these women are actually my minions, my disciples
oh yeah?
359
00:41:04,250 --> 00:41:07,710
What are you, the high priest kind of character
or somethin?
360
00:41:07,710 --> 00:41:10,569
What is this, some ancient chainsaw worshiping
cult?
361
00:41:10,569 --> 00:41:12,819
Actually, that"s just what it is
oh yeah?
362
00:41:12,819 --> 00:41:16,300
What do you do, pray to Black & Decker?
363
00:41:16,300 --> 00:41:18,560
Our religion has it's roots in the Egypt of
my ancestors
364
00:41:18,560 --> 00:41:24,880
come on, they didn't have chainsaws back then
but there were the chainsaws of the gods
365
00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:29,619
there are many things that modern man has
failed to understand
366
00:41:29,619 --> 00:41:35,380
our cult needs sacrifices, human sacrifices,
frequently
367
00:41:35,380 --> 00:41:40,470
the blade of the saw purifies the evil flesh
and makes it holy
368
00:41:40,470 --> 00:41:44,880
to please our god
and this is that big night for you huh?
369
00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:50,490
That really special sacrifice when you get
the chance to live for another hundred years
370
00:41:50,490 --> 00:41:51,490
or so, right?
371
00:41:51,490 --> 00:41:52,559
How do you know this?
372
00:41:52,559 --> 00:41:57,070
I read about it in the Enquirer
so what are you gonna do now?
373
00:41:57,070 --> 00:41:58,970
You gonna hack us up right here?
374
00:41:58,970 --> 00:42:00,569
Nothing so archaic Mr. Chandler.
375
00:42:00,569 --> 00:42:07,270
We're gonna take you to our temple downtown
Makes for a much nicer ceremony
376
00:42:07,270 --> 00:42:11,480
Well a lot can happen between here and Chop
City, big fella
377
00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:15,750
perhaps you're right, better cut him up now
No wait!
378
00:42:15,750 --> 00:42:16,750
Buddy!
379
00:42:16,750 --> 00:42:18,980
It was just a joke.
380
00:42:18,980 --> 00:42:22,869
I really wouldn't do that, actually I'd probably
enjoy being in the ceremony you know?
381
00:42:22,869 --> 00:42:25,059
Come to think of it, I haven't been to church
in weeks
382
00:42:25,059 --> 00:42:28,460
maybe I'd learn something
little late for that
383
00:42:28,460 --> 00:42:32,000
we can't trust you to behave yourself
you're making a big mistake here now
384
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:35,710
I bet your god would get off on a heathen
soul like mine
385
00:42:35,710 --> 00:42:40,400
don't you worry about that
This isn't an official ceremony, he will know
386
00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:55,410
what are we supposed to do?
All right!
387
00:42:55,410 --> 00:42:58,820
Let's get to it!
388
00:42:58,820 --> 00:43:04,590
Don't we get to (moaning) first?
389
00:43:04,590 --> 00:43:12,480
Nah, it's almost time for Letterman
hey wait a minute...
390
00:43:12,480 --> 00:43:19,450
hey I thought you said you were going to fuck
my brains out
391
00:43:19,450 --> 00:43:24,180
oh I was!
But this is much faster!
392
00:43:24,180 --> 00:43:25,180
Hey kid!
393
00:43:25,180 --> 00:43:27,080
How about helping me out, huh?
394
00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:33,010
You're the reason I got into this mess
all I was trying to do was deliver a message
395
00:43:33,010 --> 00:43:34,630
from your mother
I wasn't planning on turning into a deli platter
396
00:43:34,630 --> 00:43:35,630
is this absolutely necessary?
397
00:43:35,630 --> 00:44:03,470
I mean don't they have hors d'oeuvres back
at the temple?
398
00:44:03,470 --> 00:44:05,320
Time to say goodnight!
Damn!
399
00:44:05,320 --> 00:44:07,540
We're out of gas
you idiot!
400
00:44:07,540 --> 00:44:15,890
I told you to stop at Texaco on the way here
well, come on there's a mini mart right down
401
00:44:15,890 --> 00:44:20,430
the street
ok
402
00:44:20,430 --> 00:44:28,950
Samantha, you stay here and watch this guy
ok
403
00:44:28,950 --> 00:44:34,160
hey pick me up a slushie while you're at it,
will ya?
404
00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:41,589
Cherry, if they've got it
you're not gonna let 'em use that oversize
405
00:44:41,589 --> 00:44:42,589
veg-o-matic on me, are ya?
406
00:44:42,589 --> 00:44:47,550
Untie me and I'll take you home to mom
I don't want to go home
407
00:44:47,550 --> 00:44:51,220
it's ok, she kicked out your stepfather, he's
not gonna bother you anymore
408
00:44:51,220 --> 00:44:56,599
mom kicked Mike out of the house?
You seem upset, I thought that'd be good news
409
00:44:56,599 --> 00:45:01,960
no, I kinda liked Mike
I thought he was the reason that you...
410
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:12,109
Shhh!
We can't talk
411
00:45:12,109 --> 00:45:15,230
now
listen up, those sickos killed a friend of
412
00:45:15,230 --> 00:45:20,230
mine up in Oxnard
she told me all about them before she disappeared
413
00:45:20,230 --> 00:45:24,420
she was hanging out with them and everything
was nice and innocent
414
00:45:24,420 --> 00:45:29,349
just some religious freakiness
but then they found her head in a garbage
415
00:45:29,349 --> 00:45:32,170
can
and I knew what had happened so I followed
416
00:45:32,170 --> 00:45:37,180
this freak and his whores down to L.A.
to infiltrate their group so I could get revenge
417
00:45:37,180 --> 00:45:41,440
on these fuckers
I didn't want my mom to know what I was doing
418
00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:46,869
I figured she'd try to ground me or something
but I didn't know she'd blame it on Mike
419
00:45:46,869 --> 00:45:49,500
I didn't think you had time to talk!
We don't, we don't have time to talk but
420
00:45:49,500 --> 00:46:00,670
not if you wanna save your scalp
ok kid, you're the boss
421
00:46:00,670 --> 00:46:03,260
what's next?
You get the hell out of here
422
00:46:03,260 --> 00:46:09,210
I'm not leaving you now
I can't go with you, they're taking me to
423
00:46:09,210 --> 00:46:14,059
the temple tonight to be the prime sacrifice
somehow I don't think mom would like that
424
00:46:14,059 --> 00:46:18,280
too much
I have no intentions of being chopped up,
425
00:46:18,280 --> 00:46:22,300
I'm gonna burn that temple over those fuckers'
heads
426
00:46:22,300 --> 00:46:27,990
you got a lot of guts for a little girl
great dancer, too
427
00:46:27,990 --> 00:46:31,069
thanks!
The only thing is, you're not thinking clearly
428
00:46:31,069 --> 00:46:35,170
see, cause the minute those chainsaw chicks
get back and see that you let me go
429
00:46:35,170 --> 00:46:37,280
they're gonna start hacking into you real
good
430
00:46:37,280 --> 00:46:42,640
I can take care of myself
listen sister, your mother paid me to come
431
00:46:42,640 --> 00:46:48,720
and get you and bring you back in one piece
and I'm not leaving here without you
432
00:46:48,720 --> 00:47:00,770
you talk pretty tough when you're untied
don't make me use force, kid
433
00:47:00,770 --> 00:47:17,030
I said I'm staying!
It took a while, but I finally found my car
434
00:47:17,030 --> 00:47:20,760
stashed on the side of the motel
keys in it and everything
435
00:47:20,760 --> 00:47:25,119
guess I'm lucky it wasn't stolen
well I'd found Samantha Kelso
436
00:47:25,119 --> 00:47:30,430
but she'd led me to something even bigger
I'd stumbled into the middle of an evil, insidious
437
00:47:30,430 --> 00:47:35,309
cult of chainsaw worshiping maniacs
I had to wonder if we'd let our religious
438
00:47:35,309 --> 00:47:39,510
freedom go too far in this country
or maybe our immigration laws were just too
439
00:47:39,510 --> 00:47:43,559
lax
I've never been much for politics, but I kept
440
00:47:43,559 --> 00:47:46,530
thinking about that pretty girl's warm head
on my lap and
441
00:47:46,530 --> 00:47:50,530
then I wondered how many other pretty girls
would never be able to put their heads
442
00:47:50,530 --> 00:47:56,250
on my lap because they'd been cut off by that
refugee from the BTL club and his slice-happy
443
00:47:56,250 --> 00:47:59,089
sluts
I started to get mad
444
00:47:59,089 --> 00:48:02,089
my first instinct was to go straight to the
cops
445
00:48:02,089 --> 00:48:05,970
but that was all the way across town, and
there was no guarantee they were gonna believe
446
00:48:05,970 --> 00:48:10,109
me
So I decided to stop by my office and pick
447
00:48:10,109 --> 00:48:15,730
up some supplies
I decided to call Harrison at home even though
448
00:48:15,730 --> 00:48:20,060
he made me promise never to do that
I just didn't feel like listening to the homo
449
00:48:20,060 --> 00:48:27,359
squad's answering machine again
You've reached the home of homicide detective
450
00:48:27,359 --> 00:48:31,690
Mick Harrison, I'm not here at the moment
but you might be able to reach me at the metro
451
00:48:31,690 --> 00:48:36,040
homicide division
if you care to leave a message, wait for the
452
00:48:36,040 --> 00:48:38,680
beep
unless you're Jack Chandler, in which case
453
00:48:38,680 --> 00:48:42,950
you can hang up Jack
I told you a hundred times not to call me
454
00:48:42,950 --> 00:48:43,950
at home!
455
00:48:43,950 --> 00:48:46,750
Yeah Harrison this is Jack Chandler, I know
I'm not supposed to call you at home
456
00:48:46,750 --> 00:48:50,910
but this is really, really important
I just found out your chainsaw killer is not
457
00:48:50,910 --> 00:48:53,049
working alone
there's a whole pack of 'em and they're being
458
00:48:53,049 --> 00:48:58,630
led by some crazed chainsaw worshiping priest
I'll fill you in on the details later, alright?
459
00:48:58,630 --> 00:49:01,420
Look, meanwhile get down to the Purdone lane
area
460
00:49:01,420 --> 00:49:07,079
they've got some kind of warehouse there they've
turned into a sacrificial temple
461
00:49:07,079 --> 00:49:09,869
they're gonna have a big party tonight and
we're all invited
462
00:49:09,869 --> 00:49:19,920
Oh and Mick, bring your own beer
oh god, what happened?
463
00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:24,250
Where are we?
We're in my office
464
00:49:24,250 --> 00:49:26,940
pretty neat place, huh?
465
00:49:26,940 --> 00:49:30,160
Yeah...
god the sacrifice will begin soon, we gotta
466
00:49:30,160 --> 00:49:32,290
get to the temple
no no, just stay right here.
467
00:49:32,290 --> 00:49:38,559
You're in no condition to go anywhere
I feel like I've been hit with a brick
468
00:49:38,559 --> 00:49:46,089
Yeah sorry I had to cold cock you like that
that's okay, you did what you had to do
469
00:49:46,089 --> 00:50:00,839
you know maybe you could make up for it...
wait wait
470
00:50:00,839 --> 00:50:05,810
wait a minute.. ohhh
how old are you kid?
471
00:50:05,810 --> 00:50:06,910
21
Yeah?
472
00:50:06,910 --> 00:50:10,210
You got any proof of I.D.?
473
00:50:10,210 --> 00:50:20,809
I left it at home
private dick, huh?
474
00:50:20,809 --> 00:50:23,369
I shoulda known better, there's no such thing
in Hollywood
475
00:50:23,369 --> 00:50:26,980
who was that?
476
00:50:26,980 --> 00:50:32,500
Well that was Sally
She was my girl, sort of
477
00:50:32,500 --> 00:50:34,480
Sorry
it's alright
478
00:50:34,480 --> 00:50:51,440
You mean to tell me your mother had no idea
why you left?
479
00:50:51,440 --> 00:50:57,920
I guess not
well, I told you I liked Mike, and I didn't
480
00:50:57,920 --> 00:51:03,559
mind the fact that he liked me back
except for my mom, I felt kinda bad for her
481
00:51:03,559 --> 00:51:05,160
of course
Oh yeah, of course
482
00:51:05,160 --> 00:51:10,480
but it was really a bitch that she got the
wrong idea and kicked Mike out
483
00:51:10,480 --> 00:51:12,819
well from where I'm sitting, I think Mike
could've used some kicking
484
00:51:12,819 --> 00:51:17,819
yeah I think you're right
it was crummy the way he treated her
485
00:51:17,819 --> 00:51:22,190
he should've respected her
oh yeah, like you did
486
00:51:22,190 --> 00:51:23,190
what?
487
00:51:23,190 --> 00:51:26,619
C'mon, you're a swell kid, you oughtta be
skipping rope in some school yard right now
488
00:51:26,619 --> 00:51:30,480
instead of on this wild goose chase
this is dangerous you know
489
00:51:30,480 --> 00:51:31,480
are you afraid?
490
00:51:31,480 --> 00:51:32,480
Afraid?
491
00:51:32,480 --> 00:51:33,480
Ha.
492
00:51:33,480 --> 00:51:38,880
Let me tell you something sister I've been
shot, almost, 5 times
493
00:51:38,880 --> 00:51:43,800
I didn't tell you how they found my friend
in that trash can, did I?
494
00:51:43,800 --> 00:51:51,430
In fact a couple times I was almost stabbed
besides being chainsawed, five times
495
00:51:51,430 --> 00:51:56,859
they had taken skin and torn it along her
jaws
496
00:51:56,859 --> 00:52:00,490
taken her eyes and gouged them till they hit
her chin
497
00:52:00,490 --> 00:52:05,569
all the skin on her mouth was cut and looked
like she was laughing
498
00:52:05,569 --> 00:52:08,400
but she really wasn't
shut up, will ya!
499
00:52:08,400 --> 00:52:11,329
Don't you wanna hear the worst part?
500
00:52:11,329 --> 00:52:15,750
No!
That kid talked like a frosted flake
501
00:52:15,750 --> 00:52:27,390
but she had the nicest set of knockers that
I'd seen in a long time
502
00:52:27,390 --> 00:52:29,309
don't you have any idea what this place looks
like?
503
00:52:29,309 --> 00:52:30,940
They never told me.
504
00:52:30,940 --> 00:52:36,490
I don't know, I think it has something to
do with importing and exporting
505
00:52:36,490 --> 00:52:42,660
Oh yeah, the old in out routine
Jeez, you wish they'd have some kind of a
506
00:52:42,660 --> 00:52:46,600
sign
Look, there!
507
00:52:46,600 --> 00:52:53,180
This could be it...
wow!
508
00:52:53,180 --> 00:53:03,930
Listen, you sure you want to get involved
in this?
509
00:53:03,930 --> 00:53:06,900
You wouldn't believe the things I've done
to get this far
510
00:53:06,900 --> 00:53:31,990
C'mon, let's check this place out, quietly
gotcha
511
00:53:31,990 --> 00:53:35,770
Gotta be some good way into this place, we
just gotta keep looking
512
00:53:35,770 --> 00:53:39,250
I am right behind you
Jack?
513
00:53:39,250 --> 00:53:41,380
Yeah?
514
00:53:41,380 --> 00:53:47,450
I'm scared
listen kid, this is no time to start thinking
515
00:53:47,450 --> 00:53:50,640
about some 3-foot long chainsaw slicing up
your midsection
516
00:53:50,640 --> 00:53:59,049
besides, I got a gun right here and they don't
even know we're here
517
00:53:59,049 --> 00:54:05,809
nobody heard that
alright, one lousy guy
518
00:54:05,809 --> 00:54:19,540
things aren't working out exactly the way
I planned
519
00:54:19,540 --> 00:54:23,810
at least we're together
yeah, let's hope we can keep it that way
520
00:54:23,810 --> 00:54:34,319
shut up!
521
00:54:34,319 --> 00:54:43,130
I am so sorry I got you involved in this
you know, you're kinda cute
522
00:54:43,130 --> 00:54:45,951
even though you do talk funny
thanks
523
00:54:45,951 --> 00:54:50,040
I think
yeah you're kinda cute too
524
00:54:50,040 --> 00:54:56,829
especially those beautiful...
ah thanks...
525
00:54:56,829 --> 00:55:02,390
girls!
How's it hanging?
526
00:55:02,390 --> 00:55:07,900
We'll find out... soon enough
have you ever considered therapy?
527
00:55:07,900 --> 00:55:13,430
I'm going to enjoy splattering you
Hostile, very hostile
528
00:55:13,430 --> 00:55:15,600
but a great set of...
Yeah, I know
529
00:55:15,600 --> 00:55:22,970
Samantha, how you disappointed the Master
fuck off, slut
530
00:55:22,970 --> 00:55:28,309
now your true nature is revealed
my how you deceived us
531
00:55:28,309 --> 00:55:33,809
you killed a good friend of mine, Jenny Lynn,
remember?
532
00:55:33,809 --> 00:55:35,500
Jenny Lynn?
533
00:55:35,500 --> 00:55:44,270
Jenny Lynn!
Oh yes, she was a snooty little bitch just
534
00:55:44,270 --> 00:55:48,400
like you
and we had fun with her
535
00:55:48,400 --> 00:55:54,470
you're gonna pay for what you did!
536
00:55:54,470 --> 00:56:02,990
Sweet...
what's that?
537
00:56:02,990 --> 00:56:10,250
You've been very naughty, Samantha, but our
Master's going to give you one more chance
538
00:56:10,250 --> 00:56:14,299
to redeem yourself
She's not a book of stamps!
539
00:56:14,299 --> 00:56:30,150
Shut your face, heathen.
She will redeem herself, to eternity
540
00:56:30,150 --> 00:56:31,390
oh come on!
541
00:56:31,390 --> 00:56:34,760
I'm sure you've been stuck by worse than that
tonight
542
00:56:34,760 --> 00:56:39,380
and I hope you enjoyed your little piece because
it will be your last
543
00:56:39,380 --> 00:56:44,250
and now it's your turn to be a piece, or should
I say, pieces
544
00:56:44,250 --> 00:56:51,480
well I guess it all depends on the context
Hey Sam you alright?
545
00:56:51,480 --> 00:56:56,140
What was in that needle?
The blood of our ancestors
546
00:56:56,140 --> 00:56:59,230
what are you doing, where are you taking her?
547
00:56:59,230 --> 00:57:05,670
Don't worry, you'll be together again soon
you're going to be our special guest tonight
548
00:57:05,670 --> 00:57:27,280
yeah, and our human sacrifice
terrific
549
00:57:27,280 --> 00:57:32,160
so good of you to drop by Mr. Chandler
you saved us the unpleasant task of having
550
00:57:32,160 --> 00:57:35,079
to go get you
Well I'm glad I could be of some help
551
00:57:35,079 --> 00:57:38,059
you're going to make an excellent offering
to our gods
552
00:57:38,059 --> 00:57:41,820
you know Ive been doing a lot of thinking
about that lately, I've come to the conclusion
553
00:57:41,820 --> 00:57:47,270
that this building isn't zoned for human sacrifices
you guys could get in a whole lot of trouble
554
00:57:47,270 --> 00:57:53,250
for doing this
I think it's time somebody cut you down to
555
00:57:53,250 --> 00:57:59,099
size, Jack.
556
00:57:59,099 --> 00:58:10,430
Oh Horace, great god of the heavens, look
down upon us, your faithful servants
557
00:58:10,430 --> 00:58:18,070
unworthy in your eyes, let us praise your
greatness this night, with our feast of the
558
00:58:18,070 --> 00:58:24,030
dead
accept our humble offering, that we might
559
00:58:24,030 --> 00:58:28,750
live on to serve and praise you for years
to come
560
00:58:28,750 --> 00:59:59,210
come forward, high priestess of Anubis
come forth and serve thy master
561
00:59:59,210 --> 01:00:13,421
go forth, go to the faithful they may taste
the blood of Anubis
562
01:00:13,421 --> 01:02:31,109
the blood is the life
Tonight, oh Horace, we offer you a new disciple
563
01:02:31,109 --> 01:02:36,730
a fresh, untouched flower to adorn the crown
of the gods
564
01:02:36,730 --> 01:05:00,920
we, your humble slaves, offer you the virgin
dance of the double chainsaws
565
01:05:00,920 --> 01:05:12,400
Prepare to meet Anubis
yeah well I'll just scurry on home and slip
566
01:05:12,400 --> 01:05:17,020
into my tux
C'mon, step on it!
567
01:05:17,020 --> 01:05:26,660
I am Chief, I am!
Can't you go any faster?
568
01:05:26,660 --> 01:05:37,500
You know Cheif, this is last year's model
got bald tires, needs a tune-up
569
01:05:37,500 --> 01:05:38,500
god damn it, it would've been faster with
my Volkswagen
570
01:05:38,500 --> 01:05:47,720
next time take your damn Volkswagen
You know, when I was a kid I used to have
571
01:05:47,720 --> 01:05:53,650
the same problem with my old man's lawnmower
he used to get the same expression on his
572
01:05:53,650 --> 01:05:56,040
face
oh shut up!
573
01:05:56,040 --> 01:05:58,280
Hey, what's with Sam?
574
01:05:58,280 --> 01:06:03,900
She looks kinda distant
ah, she's one with the gods
575
01:06:03,900 --> 01:06:07,099
yeah well that and a quart of oil will start
your buzz saw
576
01:06:07,099 --> 01:06:24,839
in your hands you hold the chainsaw of the
gods
577
01:06:24,839 --> 01:06:33,720
use it wisely
kill him!
578
01:06:33,720 --> 01:06:37,260
Kill him!
579
01:06:37,260 --> 01:06:55,330
Now Sam, you're not still sore about that
headbutt are ya?
580
01:06:55,330 --> 01:08:02,480
C'mon have a heart!
Way to go!
581
01:08:02,480 --> 01:08:15,830
Talk about cutting it close!
For a minute there I thought you were gonna
582
01:08:15,830 --> 01:08:21,290
turn me into chop suey
Well I should have!
583
01:08:21,290 --> 01:08:26,170
Maybe my luck's changed at last
this must be the place
584
01:08:26,170 --> 01:08:38,950
I think you're right chief
go round them up, I'm gonna go look for Jack
585
01:08:38,950 --> 01:08:43,450
Chandler
and you boys behave yourselves
586
01:08:43,450 --> 01:09:05,990
alright, let's catch as many as we can!
Damn Chandler, what the hell happened?
587
01:09:05,990 --> 01:09:14,460
Glad you could make it, you're a little late
what took you so long?
588
01:09:14,460 --> 01:09:16,270
Letterman was on, he had some pretty damn
good guests
589
01:09:16,270 --> 01:09:19,520
how many times have I told ya, buy a VCR!
590
01:09:19,520 --> 01:09:23,040
You can tape those things
crime rate in this town would probably go
591
01:09:23,040 --> 01:09:24,560
down 10%
then they'd lay me off
592
01:09:24,560 --> 01:09:26,300
how'd you find us?
593
01:09:26,300 --> 01:09:29,450
Boys had their eye on this bunch for a long
time now
594
01:09:29,450 --> 01:09:31,410
we thought they were just smuggling illegal
artifacts
595
01:09:31,410 --> 01:09:37,560
but after your phone call, pieces all started
to fall into place
596
01:09:37,560 --> 01:09:42,110
you always know what to say, Mick
aren't you going to introduce me to your lady
597
01:09:42,110 --> 01:09:43,380
friend there?
598
01:09:43,380 --> 01:09:47,780
Yeah, Mick this is Samantha Kelso, girl I
showed you the picture of
599
01:09:47,780 --> 01:09:51,570
Glad to meet you miss Kelso, you're even prettier
than your photograph
600
01:09:51,570 --> 01:09:55,350
Hey Mick, you mind if I fill out the report
tomorrow?
601
01:09:55,350 --> 01:09:59,250
I could use a little sack time
sure Jack, you look like you need the rest
602
01:09:59,250 --> 01:10:22,700
Look they're gone!
603
01:10:22,700 --> 01:10:25,310
And that just about wraps it up for this case.
604
01:10:25,310 --> 01:10:28,010
It sounds a lot more complicated than it really
was
605
01:10:28,010 --> 01:10:32,110
hard to believe it all took place in a couple
of measly nights back in June when somebody
606
01:10:32,110 --> 01:10:36,850
paid me a few bucks
to find their missing daughter
607
01:10:36,850 --> 01:10:41,480
I thought I should put all this down on paper
because they never did find the guy that called
608
01:10:41,480 --> 01:10:45,330
himself the Master
I don't wanna appear paranoid or anything,
609
01:10:45,330 --> 01:10:48,850
I just get a creepy feeling
when I think about that guy.
610
01:10:48,850 --> 01:10:52,040
I mean sure, I saw Sam give him an unscheduled
appendectomy
611
01:10:52,040 --> 01:10:56,790
but something deep down inside tells me we
haven't seen the last of him.
612
01:10:56,790 --> 01:11:00,430
I hope I'm wrong
Huh, I usually am.
613
01:11:00,430 --> 01:11:04,980
This time I'd be glad to be wrong, but if
I'm not and something happens to Sam or me
614
01:11:04,980 --> 01:11:08,600
I just thought there should be a record of
what we went through
615
01:11:08,600 --> 01:11:12,660
maybe it can be of help to someone in the
future who might run into another chainsaw
616
01:11:12,660 --> 01:11:14,940
cult
I'm sure there are others.
617
01:11:14,940 --> 01:11:22,100
Oh yeah, as for Sam, she's a big girl, her
mother was happy when she heard Sam was safe
618
01:11:22,100 --> 01:11:26,290
and I needed a secretary, like a hole in the
head
619
01:11:26,290 --> 01:11:29,330
but she's a nice kid so maybe I'll let her
stay around a while
620
01:11:29,330 --> 01:11:33,080
besides, she's got a great set of tits.
57574
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