All language subtitles for The.Goldbergs.2013.S10E20.AMZN.WEBRip.DDP5.1.x264-NTb.en

[Adult Adam] Back in the '80s,
my sister was a new mom,

and she was loving it,

which meant she had to put her
dream of law school on hold...

until now.

There are
my two loves.

One innocent and pure,
the other terrifying and hot.

You know, you can also
just walk in and say "hi."

So, how's the law school
application coming?

What's another word
for perfect?

Because it's
the opposite of that.

Oh, I'm sure my legal eagle
is just being modest.

"Do you have any
unusual hobbies?"

"Yes,
the Diaper Olympics."

You're looking
at the gold medalist
of applying butt paste.

"What are you
passionate about?"

"My daughter and,
sometimes, my husband."

I wrote what I wrote.
Deal with it.

These answers seem
kinda baby-centric.

It's just these
last few months,

my brain's been
nothing but
"baby, baby, baby,"

and it's hard
to switch gears.

Erica, look at me.

Being a lawyer
is your dream,

and you're gonna
make it happen.

- I know it.
- You know, I coulda
been a lawyer.

Oh, really?
You never mentioned it.

I have experience
arguing with judges,

police officers, magistrates,

and a homeless man
I like to call Matlock

because of his
Southern accent. [laughs]

I made more homemade
baby food for Muriel.

Nice, she gobbles
this stuff up.

And I have to admit,
I may have sampled
the wares

during a peckish moment,

and my review is in--
delish.

I'm the best
at what I do.

[door opens, closes]-In this very
specific case, sure.

Beep-beep, working attorney
coming through.

Greetings, small talk, compliments.
Now let's get to it.

I asked
Joanne to come by

to maybe help you out
with your essay.

Oh, that's so nice
of you, Joanne.

Especially since it sounds
like you're busy.

Currently, I'm smack dab
in the middle
of a 16-hour workday.

Whoa, 16 hours?

And with that,
I am halfway through
my 20-minute lunch break.

Lunch breaks,
that's new.

This sounds like the firm
for you, Schmoopie.

Yeah, maybe.

End of day
would be best.

Can we say
11 o'clock?

- P.M.?
- Yes. [chuckles]

No overnighters
with this firm.

I am done
with that nonsense.

And the perks
just keep on coming.

Joanne, are you eating
the baby food?

I have a tight
lunch window,

and this stuff is so good,
it should be illegal.

And then Erica would
have to defend me.

- If she has the time.
- Yeah. [chuckles]

- Hey, don't hog the jar.
- I was here first.

- I really like it, though.
- I get this now. I need this.

- I really like this flavor.
- You live here!

- This is my baby's food!
- Oh!

♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪

♪ But nonetheless
I feel the need to say ♪

♪ I don't know the future ♪

♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪

[Adult Adam]
It was April 5th,
1980-something

and I was in search
of inspiration.

I needed a creative jolt to
get me back behind the camera.

Boring.

Lackluster.

Yawn.

Men with hats
in black and white.

- [TV static hisses]
- Welp, I did it.

I reached the end of TV.

[Adult Adam]
But then I saw it.

A music video that blew my mind
and captured my heart.

It was so full of joy,
so fresh, so singular,

it gave me the spark
of originality I needed.

We're making an homage

to the Billy Joel video

"Uptown Girl"!

The cute
doo-wop song?

Cute?

It's a modern masterpiece
by a genius

at the height of his form.

Doesn't he sing into
a wrench and skip dance

while rhyming "boy"
with "toy"?

Height of his form.

I just have
one question--

Is Barry
gonna be involved?

No. He just plopped down
on the couch

and refused to leave.

Power move!

And he's also been
screaming "power move"

off and on
for the last hour.

Which is, in itself,
a power move!

So, Billy Joel.
What are we thinking?

I'm thinking Carmen and I
could play the lead roles

of high-class beauty
and everyman hero.

Yes!
It's settled.

I will play the role
of William Joel--

The curly-haired
musical prodigy

dripping with charisma,
sex appeal, and sweat.

Again, I don't want
you involved,

and you could never fill
the shoes of the piano man.

- Then the obvious
choice is Carmen.
- What?

[chuckling]
Yeah, what?

Carmen's
the uptown girl.

I'm the downtown boy.

Uh, not buying it.

Carmen's the one
with the real world bonafides

to play
a hard-working man.

Thanks?

Her father owns
an auto body shop,

while you live
in a white bread world

of Pudding Bars
and stunning older brothers.

You're the uptown girl
in a fancy car,

unable to handle a minor
automotive inconvenience.

He does paint
a compelling picture.

- I'm invested.
- No!

She's Christie Brinkley

and I'm the rough-and-tumble
Billy Joel.

Is Billy Joel even

the rough-and-tumble
Billy Joel?

Wait. Barry's idiotic idea
gave me a good one.

We can shoot the video

at Carmen's dad's
auto body shop!

Power move!

Starting to think

you don't have a grasp
on that phrase.

Whaddaya say, Carm?
It's the perfect location.

Plus, I can finally
meet your dad.

Oh. [chuckles]
Um, I'm not sure.

It's a real business,
you know?

We'll shoot after hours.

And if you're worried about
whether your old man

will like me or not,
don't be.

- Parents love me.
- It's true.

His delicate and
non-threatening demeanor

makes dads
feel at ease.

Kinda what
Dave Kim said.

What do you say?

Sure, let's do it.
It'll be fun.

- Huzzah!
- Power move!

[grunts, groans]

[Adult Adam]
As my piano man homage
took shape,

Erica wasn't exactly perfecting
her law school essays.

Dammit, 17 misses.

- [doorbell rings]
- [breathes sharply]

Yes, a legitimate distraction.

Oh, thank Goddess
you're home.

[door closes]

I need more of your mom's
homemade baby food.

It's the only natural
product Hazel will eat.

Wait-- she ate
my mom's baby food?

I hate saying this

because I've seen
how much bacon grease

your mom pours
into her pancake batter,

but she's an amazing cook.

Did somebody say
amazing cook?

Oh.
Hello, Lauren.

I see you're still
friendly with Erica.

Beverly. Your car
wasn't in the driveway

and I got my hopes up,
but here you are.

[chuckling] Yes.
I'm always here.

- I live here.
- It certainly
seems that way.

Okay. It seems that you guys
have some common ground.

- Hmm.
- Her daughter likes
your baby food.

It's true.
[sighs]

Can I get a few more jars?

For your
adorable daughter

who rightfully prefers
my delicious baby food

to that
of her weirdo mother's?

Of course.

I'm off to get
fresh produce.

[door opens, closes]

Oh, what a fun lady to have
deeply embedded in your life.

But honestly,
after seeing Hazel

hoover up those pureed peaches
[breathes sharply]

you should totally do
a Baby Boom.

Oh, Barry did
an adult boom earlier.

I think we're good.-[chuckling] No, no, no.

Baby Boom, the movie.

[Adult Adam]
She meant the inspiring
Diane Keaton flick

about the high-powered exec
who quit the corporate life

to spend more time
with her child,

and somehow started
a baby food empire.

She found a viable way
to have it all.

[chuckles]
I gotta watch this again.

[Adult Adam]
As Baby Boom
inspired my sister,

I was getting inspired
with the location scout

of Carmen's dad's auto shop.

Would you look
at this place?

- What a set!
- Ohh.

Gritty realism
and, also, real grit.

Not a set.
Place of business.

Ah, cinema verite.

I've been told
that film style's good

by adults,
so it must be.

Hey, baby.

Papi. I thought
you'd be busy.

Are you kidding?

I wouldn't miss
the opportunity

to meet
the famous Adam.

Oh, no.
This happens a lot.

I can understand
why you'd hope
a specimen like myself

would be your
daughter's beau,
but alas, no.

- [chuckling] Um...
- I am Adam.

Enchante, good sir.

Uh, okay.

Pleasure to meet you,
Mr. Ortiz.

Thank you so much
for letting me
shoot my video here.

I do have a few
set questions, though.

This ragtag crew
of mechanics.

Will they be here
on the day?

I hope so.
It's their job.

Real-world experience.

Always a plus
for background actors.

Maybe a little less grimy
on the day, though, guys?

Wanna see those smiles
in the close-ups.

[Adult Adam]
And after sort of
nailing that intro,

it was time
to prep for the shoot.

Surely Carmen's dad
would be impressed.

The grease--
so authentic.

Anyone have one of those
wet towels you get

in a Japanese restaurant?

So, Carmen,
you're gonna be here.

And remember, we're really
trying to capture

that divine femininity
in this scene.

So glow, like this.

Yeah, Carmen,
I'm gonna go.

- I got stuff
to do, okay?
- All right.

Hey, where's
your dad off to?

You know, the back.

The magical place
where things get done

that's not the front.

Too bad.
I was hoping
to get a chance

to impress him
with my dolly work.

Oh, you should not
bring in your dolls.

First of all,
those are action figures.

And I meant the track
the camera wheels on.

There ya go.

Can you please
take that hat off?

You're right, keep it clean.
[chuckles]

I'm so excited
we're doing this.

Yep. [chuckles]

Yep, yep, yep, yep.

[Adult Adam]
Or nope, nope, nope, nope.

What the hell, dude?

What where you doing
with all that
"director" stuff?

You made a terrible impression
on Carmen's dad.

What are you
talking about?
I quoted Doris Day.

I was on top of my game.

Mr. Ortiz
is a manly man,

a blue collar Joe.

He doesn't want
his daughter

dating some
dainty uptown boy.

Uptown boy?

No way.

Although he did seem
a little miffed

when I asked for
a second toilet seat cover.

Never cover, bro!

Lucky for you,
I'm taking it upon myself

to help you awaken
your inner manliness.

I assume I'm supposed
to follow you?

[Adult Adam]
As Barry swore to give me
the gift of manly knowledge,

my mom was showing off
a gift of her own.

And this is Hazel's
baby food basket.

What do you think?

I think you just
spent two hours

meticulously
putting together

a basket for the child
of a woman

you barely know
and definitely hate.

Ginzy, when someone
loves your cooking,

you bask in the glow.

[door opens, closes]-Someday you'll see.

Great news.
[chuckles]

Muriel and I
spent all day

doing research
at the library,

and guess what?

We got a business license.

"Bubbe Bevy's Baby Food"?

Oh, oh.
[gasps]

You...

want to start
a business with me?

Well, it sounds
insane when you

or anyone uses
those words, but yes.

Yes, I do.

That's the greatest
thing I've ever heard!

- Whoa!
- [laughs]

Well, I'm gonna go
put Muriel down,

and then we can
brainstorm new flavors.

- Mm-hmm.
- Baby Boom!

Baby Boom!
Ha-ha!

Yay!

Ohhh.

[bleep]

[Adult Adam]
This was amazing news.

- [bleep] Ohh!
- Or was it?

- No! [bleeping]
- While always unpredictable,

- this seemed to be
an over-the-top reaction...
- [bleeping]

- ...even for my mom.
- [stomping]

[grunts]

[bleeping]@

[exhales heavily]

Is there a problem, Bev?

I may have... fibbed.

Fibbed?

-[Adult Adam]
Oh, yes. She fibbed.
- [gasps]

Sweet mama-jama!

Are those Gerber?

I don't make
homemade baby food.

I just un-jar
and re-jar Gerber's

- and pass it off
as my own!
- Why?

I am an international
cookbook authoress.

My fans demand homemade,

but it's so
time-consuming.

We both know what needs
to happen now--

tell Erica the truth.

Or...

I double down,

and with my vast
knowledge of cooking,

I duplicate
Gerber's magic

and keep this
business going.

Yeah. Baby Boom!

[chuckling] Oh!

Shh!

Baby Boom.

[Adult Adam]
Tasked with making me manly

to save my relationship
with Carmen,

Barry pulled out
all the stops...

Adam, behold.

The greatest collection
of men the world--

and a one-block radius--
has to offer.

The JTP!

With pity inclusion,
Matt Bradley.

[all] JTP!

- [both] With pity inclusion,
Matt Bradley!
- Oh, come on.

- Bill Lewis!
- Hey-diddle-diddle.

And Pop-Pop,
a surly alpha man

who has survived
innumerable wars.

Including that
foreign invasion

happening in the park
down the street.

- You know the one.
- Can he say that?

He is getting
a lot of leeway
because of his age.

Our knowledge
of man-dom is vast,

so we'll be focusing
on four categories--

Muscles! Aggression!

Athleticism! Mechanics!

So..."ma'am"?

Ugh!

I didn't see that.
Darn!

[chalk tapping]

[sighs]

So..."Mama"?

Aw, damn it!

Maybe I'll
jump in here.

Adam, stand up
and give us a sit.

Aw, geez.
You call that a sit?

Our people didn't walk
across Europe

for you
to bend like that.

What did I do wrong?

Watch me, son.

[clears throat]

Notice your feet.

They're on the floor--
unguarded,

defenseless to a kick
or a stomping.

Now, look at my feet.

Always keep one foot
off the floor.

Then you're primed
for action.

Ready for a leap
or a kick.

Ha! Ha!

So you're never
really sitting,

but never really
standing, either.

All right, fellas.
Let's show him our sits.

[Adult Adam]
And they did.

[breathes deeply]

And it was strange.

Very, very... strange.

Are you ready
to learn more?

Or will you eternally
embarrass yourself

in front of your
girlfriend's dad?

Teach me
your mannish ways.

Always bring up
local sports teams.

But always mention
that they suck.

And all of your emotions
that you keep bottled up

in your day-to-day life,
sports lets 'em
come roaring out.

None of this
seems healthy.

It's not.-My chest always hurts.

I cry in the shower

and let the salty tears
disappear down the drain.

Abruptly pivoting.

There are three things
you need to know about a car.

You look under the hood,

you listen
to the engine purr,

you kick the tires.

You know the phrase
"kick the tires"?

I once read about
Steven Spielberg

"kicking the tires" on an
adaptation of Sweeney Todd.

Cat chasing a dog,

what did you
just say to me, son?

[Adult Adam]
Okay, so I had my work
cut out for me.

And so did my mom,
who had enlisted help

getting her out
of a baby jam.

We are here today
to replicate

the recipes
of Gerber baby food.

A daunting task, but I have
assembled a crack team

consisting solely of me
because I am,

after all,
a professional-grade chef.

Did someone
tell you that, or...

You know, I don't know if
I've ever mentioned it, Ginzy,

but I am an international
best-selling cookbook author.

And what
am I here to do?

You are here to be
my taste-tester, although,

judging from your outfit today,
I'm not sure you have any.

All that matters is that
you called me to help

instead of Linda.
Essie's moving up.

To your tasting station!

Let's Baby Boom!

[Adult Adam] And Baby Boom they did.

My mom sliced, sniffed,
steamed, spiced, and mashed

all the fruits and veggies
she could get her hands on.

- And poor Essie sampled
spoonful after spoonful...
- Oh!

- ...until, finally...
- Sweet Jesus!

- We did it.
- We did?

Guys...
it's Gerber.

Essie picked up
the wrong jar.

Dammit, Essie!
You had one job--
not to suck!

I'm sorry. Please don't
replace me with Linda.

[door closes]

Say hello
to Bubbe Bevy's.

[gasps]

Your new company and logo
design featuring your face.

It's me in all
my blond glory.

Oh, my God, this is the most
amazing thing I've ever seen!

Oh, look,
there's a slogan...

"Always homemade."

You know what's also
made in a home?

The trust that
loved ones will--

Embrace
the business slogan?

[chuckles]
Indeed I do.

"Always homemade,"
mm-hmm.

Always.

Wow, fun!

I had this made
for our new stall

at the farmer's market tomorrow.

Farmer's market tomorrow.

Wow, this
is happening so fast.

- Hm. You can stop it
at any time.
- Tomorrow's fine.

We need
at least 400 jars.

[chuckling]
That's a lot.

Do you know
what's also a lot?

The amount of peaches
we need to puree?

Yes, good idea.

Let's go, ladies.
We'll need
all three cars.

Come on.

My love, you're devoting
a lot of time to all this.

- [door closes]
- Aren't your law school
applications due tomorrow?

I already dropped them off
with Joanne.

She's gonna mail them
from her office.

- Free postage.
- Oh, I'm so proud
of you.

Save that pride for when
I'm running
a baby food conglomerate.

And when you're
a superstar attorney.

Sure, both of those things.

[Adult Adam]
Yep, for my sister,
it was Baby Boom or bust.

Meanwhile, I was ready
to bust out

my new manly self
to Carmen's dad.

Ohh!

Sorry, man.

- Adam?
- Oh, hey.

I wasn't expecting
to see you here.

I work here on
the weekends, remember?

What are you
doing here?

You know, manly stuff

other men respect
and recognize.

Yo, Mr. O!

[Adult Adam]
Time to kick things off
with an active sit.

- What's shaking?
- Adam.

Hey, don't put your foot
up there.

You're gonna scuff
the whitewall.

Oh, sorry.

[Adult Adam] No biggie.
I had sports in
my back pocket.

So, those Phillies.

- They suck.
- [scoffs]

Just won seven straight
and they're about to clinch.

Yeah, but that sucks, right?

No, not really.

[Adult Adam]
Good thing I could talk
endlessly about cars.

Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo,
hoo-hoo!

I'd love to have one
of these of my own.

Does the engine purr?

What?

Y-You know, purr,
like a cat?

Meow!

Are you on drugs, son?

Time to kick the tires!

No, please don't.

Oh, no...

No, no, no,
no, no!

Carmen!

Adam!

[breathing quickly]
Am I dead?

Is this how I died?

Kid, you okay?

I'm sorry.

I was trying to impress you
to get you to like me,

but then,
I screwed things up
and made it even worse.

Who said
I don't like you?

I thought you didn't
even want to meet me.

Why would you
think that?

[stammers]
Let me explain.

No need.
[breathing heavily]

It wasn't your dad who thought
I was embarrassing.

It was you.

Adam, I--

[Adult Adam]
While I had just faced

a wake-up call
in my relationship,

Geoff was about
to be alerted

to an alarming reality
of his own.

Knock-knock.
Lawyer coming through.

Love the shirt.
Blah, blah.

Where's Erica?

She's at the farmer's market

working on her new
baby food side business.

I hope it's going well
because I perused her

"Personal Statement" essay
and I have concerns.

But her applications
were in sealed envelopes.

Read.

"What it means
to be a lawyer."

"Eh, it is what it is."
Oh, no!

That's nowhere
near 600 words!

[Virginia] Wow, Bevy.

Uh, people sure do love the,
uh, homemade baby food.

[Erica] They do.

- Thanks for the inspiration,
Diane Keaton.
- I love her.

- Such a treasure.
- Incredible.

Um, Erica, can I talk
to you for a sec?

No. I'm sorta busy
having it all right now.

It's about
your law school application.

- Like I said,
taken care of.
- Are you sure?

'Cause this last one,
you ended it with

"Smell ya later,
dummies!"

The hell?
Ginzy, you're in charge.

Well, since you have yet
to make correct change,

I think that's best.

it's simple, guys.

I wanted to be a lawyer,
now I don't.

- Well, it doesn't
sound simple.
- It is.

You're gonna run the day-to-day
of this burgeoning empire,

and I'm gonna spend
more time with my daughter.

Baby Boom.

Bubbe Bevy's
is the reason

you don't want to be
a lawyer anymore?

We're taking
the world by storm.

Suck on that, Gerber!

Well, we can't take down
Gerber because...

- ...we are Gerber!
- Whazzdatnow?

I lied.
This was never homemade.

I just re-jarred
their delicious mush.

No. No, no,
no, no, no.

This mush was supposed to be
my way out of law school.

Is that why you phoned in
one of your essays,

and then the other one,
you just wrote the transcript

for Eddie Murphy Raw?

I just know that I don't want
to do what Joanne does.

And every time that
I think of leaving Muriel,

I feel like crying.

[sighs]
Oh, Erica, sweetie.

I'm so sorry.
We didn't know.

I thought
I could Baby Boom it

like Diane Keaton
and have it all.

But now I-- I guess
I can't have anything.

Go.

[Adult Adam] Turns out
it wasn't my girlfriend's dad
who didn't approve of me.

It was my girlfriend.

Hi.

Downtown girl here,
looking for an uptown boy.

Don't. Just don't.

Now, hold on.
You don't understand.

[door closes]

[sighs] I was super
embarrassed by you.

Wow, what an unexpected path
to an apology.

- Let me finish.
- No need.

I'm proud of who I am.

I may be afraid of beetles
and love Beetlejuice,

but I'm not ashamed
of either.

You shouldn't be.

And I don't care
if the world knows

I'm scared of dentists.

That one I get, actually.

And you know what?

I sit the way I sit, and I'm
not changing it for anybody!

Now you're losing me.

But... what I'm saying
is that I was wrong.

I was afraid that my dad
wouldn't accept you

because you're both
so different.

Maybe a skosh.

But that shouldn't matter.

The only thing
that matters is that

I really, really,
really love you.

That's...

That's a lot of reallys.

Well, here's some more--

I'm really, really,
really, really sorry.

[chuckles softly]
Apology accepted.

Great. [chuckles]

Now let's go reintroduce you
to my dad.

["Uptown Girl" plays]

[Adult Adam]
The road of life is full
of twists and turns.

Just when you think you've got
your whole future mapped out...

I love you, Schmoopie.

♪ Uptown girl ♪

...you realize
you want to go

in an entirely
different direction.

And I love you, Schmoopie.

I'm sorry
I lied to you.

It's okay, Mama.

You were just doing
what good moms do,

giving their babies
what they need.

And I'm sorry I pushed
so hard for law school.

I thought it was
what you wanted.

I thought so, too.

But maybe one day.
[breathes deeply]

Just not right now.

Sometimes
our dreams change,

especially after
having a baby.

You know, even though this
business didn't work out,

you did get it up
and running
surprisingly quickly.

And you still had time
for Muriel.

Huh, well, maybe
there's another
business out there for me.

I'm sure there is,
and we'll find it together.

And you don't have to
Baby Boom alone, Erica.

We can all
Baby Boom together.

♪ She'll say
that she's mi-i-ine ♪

[Adult Adam]
And sometimes, that road
and our relationships

can get a little rough.

[laughter]

But it's nothing a little
maintenance can't fix.

♪ I'm in love
with an uptown girl ♪

♪ Uptown girl ♪

♪ She's my uptown girl ♪

♪ You know I'm in love
with an uptown girl ♪

[laughter]

♪ My uptown girl ♪

♪ You know I'm in love
with an uptown girl ♪

[Adult Adam]
But when you're
taking the trip

surrounded by
the people you love,

it doesn't matter
where you're headed.

You'll always
enjoy the journey.

♪ You know I'm in love with
an uptown girl, my uptown... ♪

I know our baby food
business went bust,

but I have been thinking
of other ideas for businesses.

We're actually watching
Hart to... Hart.

"Bubbe Bevy's Baby Booties."-Pass.

"Bubbe Bevy's Baby Bottles."

I don't want to have
this conversation right now,

but if you're gonna
start a business,

it doesn't have to be
baby related.

"Bubbe Bevy's Bath Bombs."

How many pages
are in that pad?

"Bubbe Bevy's Beer Cozies."

"Bubbe Bevy's Boudoir Photos."

- Yes!
- You love it?

Not at all--
I just realized

there's a TV
in the other room.