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1
00:00:01,802 --> 00:00:05,442
[Adult Adam] Back in the '80s,
I was a boy who put it all
on the line romantically.
2
00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:06,939
But now that I was
kind of an adult
3
00:00:06,940 --> 00:00:08,540
in kind of
an adult relationship,
4
00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:10,482
I didn't need to do
that stuff anymore.
5
00:00:10,478 --> 00:00:11,778
- Nice ketchup work.
- [chuckles]
6
00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:13,749
You really know your way
around a bottle of red.
7
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:16,177
Aww, look who knows
how to talk to a lady.
8
00:00:16,184 --> 00:00:18,194
I used to be a tad uncomfy
around the gals,
9
00:00:18,186 --> 00:00:20,246
but now complimenting
your condiment work
10
00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:21,364
is as easy as breathing.
11
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:22,985
Don't you carry
an inhaler?
12
00:00:22,990 --> 00:00:24,190
You know it.
13
00:00:24,192 --> 00:00:26,462
You and ragweed take
my breath away, girl.
14
00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:28,700
[giggles]
15
00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:31,296
[Adult Adam]
Yep, I was on cloud nine.
16
00:00:31,299 --> 00:00:34,769
Every moment with Carmen
felt like
a fantastical dance number.
17
00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:37,038
♪ Ohhh, yeah ♪
18
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:40,940
♪ Dance all night ♪
19
00:00:40,941 --> 00:00:42,941
♪ Never gonna stop ♪
20
00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:46,883
♪ We'll be groovin'
till the break of dawn ♪
21
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,580
♪ Hey, dance all night ♪
22
00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:53,348
♪ Hey, dance all night ♪
23
00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:58,527
♪ Doo-doo-da da-da-doo ♪
24
00:00:58,526 --> 00:01:00,386
- [Johnny] Goldnerd!
- [snapping fingers]
25
00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:01,564
Goldnerd!
What the hell, bro?
26
00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:02,932
Stop getting freaky
with the mop.
27
00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:05,230
Sorry, I was in
a semi-fugue state
28
00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:06,573
dreaming about
my special lady.
29
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:07,797
- Nancy Reagan?
- No.
30
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:09,241
Poetess Maya Angelou?
31
00:01:09,237 --> 00:01:10,567
- What?
- Leslie Nielsen?
32
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,171
It's Carmen,
my girlfriend!
33
00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:13,573
Yeah,
I don't think so, man.
34
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:14,884
We're literally dating,
35
00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:17,005
and you think
white-haired actor
Leslie Nielsen
36
00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:18,980
is a more likely
romantic partner for me?
37
00:01:18,979 --> 00:01:20,649
Tennis legend
Billie Jean King?
38
00:01:20,648 --> 00:01:22,518
Yep, BJK.
You got me.
39
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:25,216
[Adult Adam]
It was useless-- I would
always be a romantic at heart.
40
00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:27,359
Which meant it was time
to celebrate our relationship,
41
00:01:27,355 --> 00:01:29,055
no matter
how small the reason.
42
00:01:29,056 --> 00:01:30,856
Oh, don't worry.
43
00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:32,858
I won't peek
at the special surprise
44
00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:34,730
someone's making
his mamaaaa!
45
00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:35,828
[chuckles]
None of this is for you.
46
00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:36,929
And why would it be?
47
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,530
Because it's Mother's Day.
48
00:01:38,532 --> 00:01:40,832
No, it's not.
It's a random Tuesday
in February.
49
00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:42,104
Well, every day
should be Mother's Day.
50
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,042
We only created
the entire world.
51
00:01:44,037 --> 00:01:46,067
You certainly created
this awkward moment.
52
00:01:46,073 --> 00:01:47,583
- And these are for Carmen.
- Really?
53
00:01:47,575 --> 00:01:49,205
You're still seeing
that girl, huh?
54
00:01:49,210 --> 00:01:50,780
For the millionth time, yes.
55
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:52,348
So what's it gonna be
this time?
56
00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:54,176
A standard "Say Anything"
boombox
57
00:01:54,182 --> 00:01:57,122
followed by a trellis climb
for a PG-rated smooch?
58
00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:59,247
You don't know
all my moves!
59
00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:00,923
But basically, yeah.
60
00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:03,521
- It's our
"one month-iversary."
- Month-iversary?
61
00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:05,464
Plus I rented a tux, and
I'm putting the final touches
62
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,129
on a patented
Adam Goldberg mixtape!
Why are you crying?
63
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,898
I just remember when you were
so teeny and innocent
64
00:02:10,898 --> 00:02:12,628
and didn't like
strange local women.
65
00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:14,273
I'm taking this upstairs.
66
00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:19,407
But I love you!
I've always loved you!
67
00:02:19,407 --> 00:02:21,137
Okay, how do you turn
this thing on from here?
68
00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:24,710
♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪
69
00:02:24,712 --> 00:02:27,622
♪ But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say ♪
70
00:02:30,718 --> 00:02:32,148
♪ I don't know the future ♪
71
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:35,962
♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪
72
00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:38,456
[Adult Adam]
It was February 22nd,
1980-something,
73
00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:40,159
and Erica was preparing
to introduce
74
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,100
the newest member
of the Goldbergs
75
00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:44,055
to the one person
who hadn't met her,
76
00:02:44,064 --> 00:02:46,234
Erica's best friend,
Lainey Lewis.
77
00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:47,644
Okay, I need
to get this right.
78
00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:50,295
With the hat
or without the hat?
79
00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:52,344
I think you're putting too much
emphasis on appearances, Erica.
80
00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:54,680
It's just been a while since
Lainey's come back from LA.
81
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,505
I want our baby to make
a good impression.
82
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:57,680
Get the tiny sunglasses.
83
00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,608
It's true, she's a fox.
84
00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:01,153
Good luck,
boys in 15 years.
85
00:03:01,148 --> 00:03:02,578
25 years!
86
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,153
Or whenever.
I'm a chill dad.
87
00:03:04,151 --> 00:03:06,321
I'm just saying,
Lainey has a rock 'n roll life,
88
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,460
and I'm a full-time mom.
89
00:03:08,456 --> 00:03:09,956
Our lives couldn't be
more different.
90
00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:12,787
Please, she's probably
wallowing in misery like you.
91
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,833
Like me?
And why would she be wallowing?
92
00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:16,328
Because her spirit
has been crushed
93
00:03:16,330 --> 00:03:18,500
since Barry went back
to the girlfriend dealership
94
00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:20,169
and upgraded his model.
95
00:03:20,167 --> 00:03:21,567
[doorbell rings]
96
00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:24,643
[Lainey and Erica squeal
and laugh]
97
00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:27,138
- It's so great to see you!
- Oh, you, too!
98
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:29,180
What a fun,
screechy reunion.
99
00:03:29,176 --> 00:03:31,876
I was not met with that level
of enthusiasm
100
00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:33,449
when I scooped her
at the airport
101
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:34,947
in the dead center
of the work day.
102
00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:37,148
- [chuckles]
- Yeah, Dad's here, too.
103
00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:38,520
Now where's that little beam
of sunshine?
104
00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:40,449
Auntie Lainey,
meet Muriel.
105
00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:42,124
Oh, my God. [sighs]
106
00:03:42,122 --> 00:03:44,392
This is the cutest child
who ever walked the earth.
107
00:03:44,392 --> 00:03:45,892
Oh, she's actually
not walking yet.
108
00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:46,993
The doctor said
it's totally normal,
109
00:03:46,994 --> 00:03:48,504
no matter how many times
I ask him.
110
00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:49,826
Lainey Lewis.
111
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:52,230
And your father,
Mr. Bill Lewis.
112
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,502
Hello to both of you.
113
00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:55,471
Hi, Bar.
Is that a giant chocolate kiss?
114
00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:57,669
'Tis.
Been working it all day.
115
00:03:57,671 --> 00:04:00,541
Wanted to bloat up so not
to look too attractive
for my old flame.
116
00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:01,741
Look at that, it worked.
117
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:03,242
It's also out of respect
118
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,683
to my former lover's
father.
119
00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:07,979
I'm no threat
to your baby girl.
120
00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:10,381
The brown ring around your lips
tells the story, son,
121
00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:12,354
but thanks for the words.
122
00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:13,923
Maybe I'll just
swing by later, Erica.
123
00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:15,691
But we have so much
to catch up on.
124
00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:17,529
Bye, kiddo. Move out
as soon as you can, 'kay?
125
00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:19,925
I guess I'll just use
the restroom at home.
126
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,027
Ciao!
127
00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:22,358
- Y'know, that reminds me...
- [door closes]
128
00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:25,233
I, too, should mosey on out
of here in a casual fashion.
129
00:04:25,232 --> 00:04:27,372
Take that the completely
innocent way it is intended.
130
00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:29,598
- What you up to, Bar?
- Conventional things.
131
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:31,443
Just going to meet
Matt Bradley
132
00:04:31,439 --> 00:04:34,379
so he can help me pick out
some jean shorts, you know.
133
00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:36,875
- [door closes]
- What a strangely exhausting
three minutes.
134
00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:38,447
- Hanky-panky!
- What?
135
00:04:38,446 --> 00:04:40,246
An illicit entanglement
is brewing
136
00:04:40,247 --> 00:04:41,717
between Barry and Lainey!
137
00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:43,415
No way.
I know Lainey,
138
00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:46,287
and she would never
make that mistake again.
139
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,616
For the third time.
140
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,461
I don't know,
whenever Lainey's around,
Barry gets all weird.
141
00:04:49,457 --> 00:04:50,757
He's Barry.
142
00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:52,358
Weird is his natural state.
143
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:53,590
Plus, he's over Lainey.
144
00:04:53,594 --> 00:04:55,364
I just don't see Barry
ever fully moving on.
145
00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:56,803
Where is all this
coming from?
146
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:59,267
Okay, one, Barry is on record
saying that jean shorts
147
00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:01,026
are the uniform
of "half-men."
148
00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:02,774
Two, Barry would never
go to Matt Bradley
149
00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:04,370
for advice about anything,
150
00:05:04,372 --> 00:05:06,872
and three,
Matt Bradley is out of town!
151
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:09,214
Even if Barry was dumb enough
to go back down that road,
152
00:05:09,209 --> 00:05:11,309
there is no way
that Lainey would.
153
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,581
If she was even thinking
about it, she'd tell me.
154
00:05:13,581 --> 00:05:15,251
- I'm her best friend!
- Maybe.
155
00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:17,278
But there are two words
she hasn't shared with you--
156
00:05:17,284 --> 00:05:18,624
- hanky-panky.
- Oh.
157
00:05:18,619 --> 00:05:20,149
[Adult Adam] As Geoff worried
that Barry and Lainey
158
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:22,123
were falling back
into a romance,
159
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:24,592
my mom was worried about
my romance with Carmen.
160
00:05:24,592 --> 00:05:27,292
Adam and that Carmen
are moving way too fast.
161
00:05:27,294 --> 00:05:29,134
I thought we were discussing
my recent health scare,
162
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:30,399
but let's pivot to you.
163
00:05:30,398 --> 00:05:32,968
I mean, his little heart
is just so sensitive.
164
00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:35,666
What if she rejects him?
It'll crush him.
165
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:39,769
He does seem like a person
who's been shielded by someone
166
00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:41,643
from experiencing
most things
167
00:05:41,642 --> 00:05:43,312
any adult
would have by now.
168
00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:44,410
[laughs]
169
00:05:44,412 --> 00:05:45,982
- [gasps] Ginzy!
- Hm?
170
00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:48,349
That Carmen is here,
and she's with another man!
171
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:49,478
[gasps] Really?
172
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:50,753
Okay, here's what
we're gonna do...
173
00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:52,451
Assume the best
and mind our own business?
174
00:05:52,453 --> 00:05:54,623
You're gonna work your way
over to their table.
175
00:05:54,622 --> 00:05:56,192
Be invisible
and totally forgettable--
176
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:57,629
[gasps] just like that!
177
00:05:57,625 --> 00:05:59,025
Yes! [breathes sharply]
178
00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:01,856
You're gonna spy on them and
write down everything they say.
179
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:04,632
Beverly, part of the reason
that I asked you
for coffee today
180
00:06:04,632 --> 00:06:07,132
is I wanted to say that
I no longer want to be roped
181
00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:09,274
into Goldbergs hijinks
and shenanigans.
182
00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:10,499
Go-go-go-go-go-go-go!
183
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:16,444
Oh! [laughs]
Excuse me.
184
00:06:16,444 --> 00:06:19,614
I just accidentally bumped
into you and started
this conversation.
185
00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:20,813
I... I just gotta get
to the men's room.
186
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:23,184
[laughs] You're funny,
187
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:25,123
and I've disarmed you
by giving you a compliment.
188
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:27,118
Now, is that your sister
you're with?
189
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:28,690
What?
Oh, uh, no.
190
00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:30,019
Cousin? Landlord?
191
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:31,663
Some woman you found
confused on the street,
192
00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:32,729
and you're buying her coffee?
What?
193
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,226
We're on a date,
if you must know.
194
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:36,557
Oh, you mean like a platonic
work date with no feelings?
195
00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:38,034
Uh, a date date.
196
00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:39,231
That two-timing hussy!
197
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,332
I'm so confused right now.
198
00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:42,503
Well, nobody cares.
Just... get...
199
00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:45,873
[Adult Adam]
As my mom raced off to stop me
from my grand gesture...
200
00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:47,743
I will protect my baby!
201
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:51,011
...across town,
Geoff was looking for evidence
of two-timing of his own.
202
00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:53,981
Oh, weird.
Look who it is!
203
00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:55,521
Geoffrey Olivia Schwartz,
204
00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:57,046
did you use
putting our baby to sleep
205
00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:58,520
as a way
to get me to spy on Barry?
206
00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:01,219
I know
something's going on!
I can just feel it!
207
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,021
Look, he's stopping at that
cheesesteak place.
208
00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:04,323
You know Lainey loves cheesesteaks.
209
00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:05,564
This is dumb.
210
00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:06,689
I brought
my birding binoculars.
211
00:07:06,694 --> 00:07:08,004
- And it gets dumber.
- Look!
212
00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:09,355
He's getting
two cheesesteaks!
213
00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:10,832
We have to follow
that cheese.
214
00:07:10,831 --> 00:07:12,171
Should we have disguises, too?
215
00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:13,225
Way ahead of you.
216
00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:14,403
Let my mom's gardening hats
217
00:07:14,401 --> 00:07:16,571
and my dad's cataract shades
camouflage us!
218
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:22,041
- Our marriage is weird.
- Mm.
219
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:24,712
And so, they followed
Barry all over town.
220
00:07:24,712 --> 00:07:27,012
Until they ended up here.
221
00:07:27,014 --> 00:07:28,624
He's turning towards
that house.
222
00:07:28,616 --> 00:07:29,916
Wait,
that's Lainey's house!
223
00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:32,619
Oh!
224
00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:36,592
I can't believe it.
225
00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:38,430
Barry and Lainey...
226
00:07:38,425 --> 00:07:40,125
Oh, why did you make me
know this?
227
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,857
[Adult Adam]
While my sister and Geoff
were getting closer
228
00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:45,932
to the truth about Barry,
I was about to tell Carmen
how truly close to her I felt.
229
00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:47,233
- Stop!
- Mom!
230
00:07:47,234 --> 00:07:48,574
What the hell
are you doing?
231
00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:49,739
Protecting you!
232
00:07:49,737 --> 00:07:52,037
The grand gesture--
abort, abort!
233
00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:53,769
This is way too far.
234
00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:55,084
I know you don't like Carmen,
but--
235
00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:57,745
Adam, I saw her
on a date.
236
00:07:57,745 --> 00:07:58,945
A date?
237
00:07:59,647 --> 00:08:00,807
You must have misunderstood.
238
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,124
I'm telling you, it's true.
239
00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:04,585
Look, I appreciate
your concern,
240
00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:06,815
but I'll just talk to Carmen
and clear this up.
241
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,160
- Go home.
- But, Schmoopie Poopie--
242
00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:09,285
Go!
243
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:13,832
- Was that your mom?
- Yeah.
244
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:16,897
She just was freaking out
because, um,
245
00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:19,967
she thought she saw you
on a date with some other guy.
246
00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:21,897
Oh. [chuckles]
She saw us?
247
00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:23,472
That's awkward.
248
00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:25,740
So then,
you were on a date?
249
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:27,139
Yeah, but,
I mean, it's okay,
250
00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:28,610
'cause you and I
are casual, right?
251
00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:31,779
[laughs]
Oh, definitely! Casual!
252
00:08:31,779 --> 00:08:33,749
Wait,
why do you have roses?
253
00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:35,117
And what's the cassette?
254
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:36,715
These roses are...
255
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:38,617
for Carla!
256
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:39,919
She's had a hard time lately.
257
00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:42,190
Aww.
I can totally sell these.
258
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:43,859
And the mixtape is...
259
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,157
for Johnny!
260
00:08:45,158 --> 00:08:47,258
- Friendship mix!
- How much Rush is on here?
261
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:49,300
Somewhere
between zero and none.
262
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:51,966
You don't know me at all!
Friendship rejected!
263
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:56,335
You... weren't about to do
some big romantic thing for me?
264
00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:58,136
'Cause I don't want things
to be weird for you,
265
00:08:58,138 --> 00:08:59,538
and if they are,
then maybe we should--
266
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,169
Nope! Not weird.
267
00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:03,384
Look, if you can't handle
a casual relationship--
268
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,206
Oh, I can handle casual.
269
00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:08,352
If anyone can be casual,
I can be casual.
270
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:11,990
I can't be casual, Mama!
271
00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:14,115
Don't worry, baby.
Mama will protect you
272
00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:16,161
from the nuanced
adult relationship.
273
00:09:21,729 --> 00:09:24,729
[Adult Adam]
Erica and Geoff had caught
Barry doing... something,
274
00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:27,202
and Erica was pretty worked up
to nail down what it was.
275
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,640
I can't believe it.
276
00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:31,466
If Lainey is having an affair
with Barry,
why wouldn't she tell me?
277
00:09:31,471 --> 00:09:33,641
Isn't it more important that
he's cheating on my sister?
278
00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:34,911
Sure.
She's not one of us, though.
279
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:36,708
She's the aunt
to your child.
280
00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:38,750
Yeah, through marriage,
I guess.
281
00:09:38,746 --> 00:09:41,576
- [doorbell rings]
- Oh, it's Lainey. I need to
get to the bottom of this.
282
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,051
- Now hide!
- Hide?
283
00:09:43,050 --> 00:09:45,190
Yes. This is the kind of thing
only best friends confide
in each other!
284
00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:46,345
- Oh!
- Now go!
285
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:49,555
Hey!
286
00:09:49,556 --> 00:09:52,256
Hey there [chuckles]
best friend,
287
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:53,829
no matter
what other things
288
00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:55,257
have transpired
in our lives.
289
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:56,762
How are things going, huh?
290
00:09:56,764 --> 00:09:58,034
Oh, come on,
let's get caught up.
291
00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,431
Spill our darkest secrets.
292
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,372
I wish I had some dark secrets
to spill.
293
00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:02,938
I feel like I've been
so boring lately.
294
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,196
Look, I'd like to think that
you'll always be
295
00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:05,944
the one person
I can trust--
296
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:08,009
who I can confess
anything to.
297
00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:09,538
Aww, of course you can, Erica.
298
00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:12,052
I'm so glad to hear that.
[chuckles]
299
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:13,375
I've been thinking
about cheating on Geoff.
300
00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:14,610
- You?
- What?
301
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,884
I think about being
with another man constantly.
302
00:10:16,884 --> 00:10:19,394
Where I'd meet the guy,
what hotel we'd go to--
303
00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:21,086
the Bay Breeze Inn
off 276.
304
00:10:21,088 --> 00:10:23,088
It's close,
but also out of the way.
305
00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:25,190
Um, I'm not sure
how to respond.
306
00:10:25,192 --> 00:10:26,562
The appropriate response
would be to admit
307
00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:28,059
that you've had
some similar feelings
308
00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:30,601
and/or participated in
any infidelities of your own?
309
00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:32,067
- Uh...
- Because I think
about cheating
310
00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:34,125
- on Geoff all the time.
- [whispering] What?
311
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,104
I imagine a strange man's
hands in my hair,
312
00:10:36,103 --> 00:10:38,313
on my body,
whispering in my ear.
313
00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:39,935
Do you judge me
or do you kinda get it?
314
00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:41,210
You guys seem
so happy together.
315
00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:43,408
No one can know the heart
of another, right?
316
00:10:43,410 --> 00:10:46,880
Which is why I don't know
yours-- so use your words.
317
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,920
- Any hanky-panky going on?
- Hanky-panky?
318
00:10:48,916 --> 00:10:51,746
If I were cheating
on Geoff, you'd be
the first person I told.
319
00:10:51,752 --> 00:10:54,552
No detail would be spared.
So spill it.
320
00:10:54,554 --> 00:10:56,094
- I mean, actually--
- Yes?
321
00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:58,329
[sighs] I was waiting for
the right moment to tell you
322
00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:01,225
Steve and I broke up recently,
so there's no one to cheat on.
323
00:11:01,228 --> 00:11:02,398
It's been really lonely.
324
00:11:02,395 --> 00:11:03,955
- Has it?
- Yes.
325
00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:06,104
And I'm still upset, too.
326
00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:08,899
But I'm really worried
about you right now.
327
00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:11,472
So let me just get us some tea
and let's dig in.
328
00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:13,911
Just know
I care about you, okay?
329
00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:15,907
Well,
I care about you, too.
330
00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:18,179
Almost as much as I want
to cheat on Geoff!
[chuckles]
331
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,112
What in the actual [bleep]?
332
00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:23,324
You wanted the truth, right?
Well, we got it!
333
00:11:23,316 --> 00:11:24,946
The only truth I've found out
is that my wife
334
00:11:24,952 --> 00:11:26,452
would be great
at having an affair!
335
00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:28,963
C'mon!
Lainey and Steve broke up.
336
00:11:28,956 --> 00:11:30,816
She's been lonely.
The pieces fit.
337
00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:32,034
I think you were right.
338
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:34,025
Oh, poor Joanne.
I've gotta tell her.
339
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:35,797
No, she will hate you forever.
340
00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:37,656
There's only one way
to let her know--
341
00:11:37,664 --> 00:11:39,834
get her to stumble
onto the crime herself.
342
00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:40,973
Oh, that's
incredibly harsh.
343
00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:42,538
It's the only way.
344
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,965
Okay, just promise me
you'll never go
to that Bay Breeze Inn.
345
00:11:44,972 --> 00:11:47,372
- That filthy dump?
[scoffs] Never.
- What?
346
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:49,044
- Or anywhere else, obviously.
- [scoffs]
347
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:52,112
[Adult Adam]
While Geoff and Erica had
clarity about Barry and Lainey,
348
00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:54,512
Carmen had left me
very confused.
349
00:11:54,514 --> 00:11:55,784
Casual?
350
00:11:55,783 --> 00:11:57,323
I mean, I'm a guy
351
00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:58,987
who goes from intense
monogamous relationship
352
00:11:58,986 --> 00:12:02,156
to intense monogamous relationship,
like a normal person!
353
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:03,955
Are you sure this woman
is for you?
354
00:12:03,957 --> 00:12:05,157
She doesn't seem
to understand
355
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:07,528
how special
my perfect little angel is.
356
00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:09,657
Look, I have to grow up
sometime, Mom,
357
00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:11,202
and I really like Carmen.
358
00:12:11,198 --> 00:12:13,398
So if she wants to be
non-exclusive,
359
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,670
I guess I'm just gonna
have to figure out how.
360
00:12:15,668 --> 00:12:17,968
If I may remind you,
you happen to be the son
361
00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:20,211
of the greatest Yenta
the world has ever known.
362
00:12:20,207 --> 00:12:22,207
I don't think I've ever said
this to you before,
363
00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:23,409
but I like the way
you're thinking.
364
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:26,350
If my handsome little man
needs to be non-exclusive,
365
00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:30,316
we're gonna show her
how non-exclusive he can be.
366
00:12:30,317 --> 00:12:31,417
It's matchmaking time!
367
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:37,087
- [Adult Adam] My mom pulled out
all the stops.
- Beverly. [laughs]
368
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:39,590
[Adult Adam]
She used the phone,
the Rolodex...
369
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:41,802
obvious choices,
less obvious choices.
370
00:12:44,397 --> 00:12:47,837
She left no stone unturned
to find me a perfect match.
371
00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:50,095
So, what
are we working with?
372
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,773
Lay it on me. Who's lining up
for a dose of Vitamin A?
373
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,672
Lotta interest, um,
374
00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:58,114
but I think this
might not be dating season.
375
00:12:58,111 --> 00:12:59,451
Dating season?
376
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:01,376
You know how many ladies
like to go away on vacation
377
00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:02,851
at the end of February.
378
00:13:02,850 --> 00:13:06,450
Oh, my God. Nobody wanted
to go out with me, did they?
379
00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:07,793
You're a bit
of a tough sell.
380
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,257
You put off
going to college,
381
00:13:09,256 --> 00:13:10,756
you're working
part-time in a diner,
382
00:13:10,757 --> 00:13:12,127
you're living at home,
383
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,955
and it does not
sweeten the pot
384
00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:15,801
that you're currently
seeing someone else
385
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,865
in a non-exclusive sitch.
386
00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:20,595
Now, the only one that might be
a possibility is Essie,
387
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,140
but she said
she'd have to think on it.
388
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,295
This is a nightmare!
389
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,943
It's tearing me apart
that the world
can't see my boy
390
00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:27,439
for the hot property he is,
391
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,280
even though,
in this moment,
392
00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:31,476
- to all appearances,
it seems like you're a loser.
- Thank you?
393
00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:32,978
I'll just have to go
to Carmen
394
00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:35,380
- and let her know
we're ready to be exclusive.
-"We"?
395
00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:36,822
Then point out
all the amazing things
396
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,386
she'll be missing
if she doesn't accept
397
00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:39,945
a committed relationship
from you.
398
00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:42,663
No. I have to prove to her
that I can be casual.
399
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,215
And how are you supposed
to do that?
400
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:46,764
You're the master
of the grand gesture.
401
00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:49,159
I can't tell you
how many I've seen from afar
402
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,262
and wished I was the girl
in the window.
403
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:54,574
Yes! Your horrifying and
possibly criminal revelation
404
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:55,967
has given me an idea!
405
00:13:55,969 --> 00:13:57,339
You run away to
the Dominican Republic
406
00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:59,607
- and start fresh?
- So far from that.
407
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:01,406
But what if
I did something bold
408
00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:03,078
to prove to her
how chill I am?
409
00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:06,606
You mean like a classic
Adam Goldberg grand gesture,
410
00:14:06,613 --> 00:14:09,153
but... of casualness?
411
00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:10,449
Exactly.
412
00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:11,950
That is the most brilliant
thing I've ever heard,
413
00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:14,492
and I'm certain I'm not being
blinded by a mother's love
414
00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:17,017
and desperation for you
to never feel rejection.
415
00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:19,194
- Go to her.
- I will!
416
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,432
But, like, not in a rush.
417
00:14:21,428 --> 00:14:23,158
Also,
I was sugarcoating it.
418
00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:25,873
It was a hard no from Essie.
419
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:28,465
[Adult Adam]
As I was off to show Carmen
how chill I could be,
420
00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:31,538
Geoff and Erica's
investigation was heating up.
421
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:32,938
- Jo Jo! Over here!
- Oh!
422
00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:34,370
Ooh! What's going on?
423
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:37,014
Geoff said you were having
a fashion emergency, Erica?
424
00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:38,850
There's no fashion emergency, Joanne.
425
00:14:38,845 --> 00:14:40,875
Sure, if you say it,
then it's true.
426
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,620
Look, you're here because
we have something upsetting
to show you.
427
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:46,716
We're sorry,
but my brother's
having an affair with Lainey.
428
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:49,459
Puh-leeze. I'll believe that
when I see it.
429
00:14:49,456 --> 00:14:51,556
Barry's in there right now
with Lainey. We saw him go in.
430
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,558
But he just told me he was
going to the library to study.
431
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,830
- That in itself
should've been a big clue.
- Hey, guys.
432
00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:57,128
- Gah!
- Lainey?
433
00:14:57,130 --> 00:14:59,300
Why are you talking behind
the Metcalfs' hedge?
434
00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:02,999
Wait, but if you're not
in there, what's Barry doing?
435
00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:04,473
[Barry and Bill]
Ca-caw! Ca-caw!
436
00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:05,871
What the hell?
437
00:15:05,872 --> 00:15:08,482
Ca-caw! Ca-caw!
438
00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:09,575
Barry?
439
00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:10,676
- Ca--
- Huh?
440
00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:13,077
Ah! This isn't what
it looks like, baby!
441
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:15,150
I honestly have no idea
what it looks like.
442
00:15:15,148 --> 00:15:18,318
[Adult Adam]
As things with Barry developed
an unexpected wrinkle,
443
00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:19,648
I was ready
to iron things out
444
00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:22,192
with Carmen--
casually, of course.
445
00:15:22,189 --> 00:15:24,159
[In distance]
♪ Round and round,
round and round ♪
446
00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:26,987
♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round ♪
447
00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:29,034
♪ All through the town ♪
448
00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:30,529
[breathes sharply]
449
00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:34,172
- [music continues]
- Adam?
450
00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:35,437
♪ The wipers on the bus
go--♪
451
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,495
- [clicks, music stops]
- Heyyy! [chuckles]
452
00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:38,944
I was just wandering through
your neighborhood,
453
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,568
and I'd like
to make clear--
454
00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:43,613
walking, not running,
and absolutely not in the rain.
455
00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:45,080
What's with the step stool?
456
00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:46,908
See, normally when
I'm dating someone,
457
00:15:46,913 --> 00:15:49,853
I'll scale a trellis
to their bedroom window.
458
00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:52,119
But as we are both
being casual,
459
00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:54,049
thought it seemed
a little much.
460
00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:56,564
So instead,
I brought a step stool
461
00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:58,726
to chat with you
near your toilet.
462
00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:00,225
Wanna explain the boombox?
463
00:16:00,227 --> 00:16:03,197
Usually that'd be playing
a Peter Gabriel ballad,
464
00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:05,266
but since we're in
a non-exclusive,
465
00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:06,965
super-laid-back thing,
466
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,596
I'm playing
"The Wheels on the Bus."
467
00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:12,971
So you came to my window
with a step stool and a boombox
468
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,872
to profess your
[chuckling] ability
469
00:16:14,874 --> 00:16:17,084
to be in
a casual relationship?
470
00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:20,976
Adam...
471
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:24,120
[sighs]
Yeah, it's not great.
472
00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:25,647
[sighs]
473
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:28,992
The truth is, I'm not built
for a casual relationship.
474
00:16:30,023 --> 00:16:31,763
I like you...
475
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:33,388
a lot.
476
00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:36,763
And I don't want to
play it cool
or see other people.
477
00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:40,433
I want to jump in,
cast caution to the wind,
478
00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:41,703
and see where we land.
479
00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:46,143
It's just who I am.
[breathing quickly]
480
00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:48,239
Sorry I made it weird.
481
00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:50,981
Unfortunately,
that's also who I am.
482
00:16:56,949 --> 00:16:58,219
[breathes deeply]
483
00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:03,593
[Adult Adam]
So it turned out Barry wasn't
having an affair with Lainey,
484
00:17:03,590 --> 00:17:05,760
but he did have
a secret relationship
with her dad, Bill,
485
00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:08,028
which left us
with even more questions.
486
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:10,697
It all started the day
of the Eagles-Cowboys game.
487
00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:12,197
We were both going to a bar
488
00:17:12,199 --> 00:17:13,969
'cause we had no one
to watch the game with.
489
00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:16,536
So Bill suggested we go back
to his house
490
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,166
so we can enjoy it together.
491
00:17:18,171 --> 00:17:21,841
And to our surprise,
we had a magical day together.
492
00:17:21,841 --> 00:17:23,341
We both thought
it was a one-time thing,
493
00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:26,053
but, dammit, we could not
get enough of each other.
494
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,345
It just felt too good.
495
00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:28,817
So good.
496
00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:30,815
After a while, we'd watch
any random sport
497
00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:32,787
as an excuse
to spend time together--
498
00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:35,985
handball, badminton,
water polo.
499
00:17:35,988 --> 00:17:38,558
We even watched
Olympic women's Ping-Pong.
500
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:40,228
It was like a drug.
501
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:42,857
We started to build up
our own private jokes,
502
00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:44,732
traditions,
and superstitions--
503
00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:46,201
So that's what we just saw?
504
00:17:46,199 --> 00:17:49,199
I know we're caught,
but I'd do it all again
505
00:17:49,202 --> 00:17:51,872
- a million times over.
- Me too.
506
00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:53,011
Why'd you hide it?
507
00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:55,035
Truthfully, we knew
it wouldn't last.
508
00:17:55,041 --> 00:17:56,711
I mean, we have nothing
in common.
509
00:17:56,709 --> 00:17:58,039
No.
510
00:17:58,044 --> 00:18:00,754
Maybe you have more in common
than you think.
511
00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:02,247
You're both missing someone
in your lives
512
00:18:02,249 --> 00:18:04,319
you used
to share sports with.
513
00:18:04,317 --> 00:18:06,417
- Dad.
- Mur-man.
514
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:09,759
And in some twisted way, this
is how you're dealing with it.
515
00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:11,856
Dad and I used to share
the lows and extra lows
516
00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:13,728
of Philadelphia sports together.
517
00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:15,896
[sighs] Mur and I could
sit together for hours
518
00:18:15,895 --> 00:18:17,095
and not say a thing,
519
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:19,426
unless my Cowboys
were playing his Eagles.
520
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:22,942
Then he would insult my family,
my honor, my body shape.
521
00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:24,740
I loved it so much.
522
00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:26,337
I guess it's over now.
523
00:18:26,339 --> 00:18:28,709
Don't be stupid.
You can still hang out.
524
00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:30,208
[scoffs]
Boys are so dumb.
525
00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:31,580
You mean...
526
00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:34,008
Gentlemen sports-time
is back on!
527
00:18:34,013 --> 00:18:36,123
And no longer
in the shadows!
528
00:18:38,585 --> 00:18:39,715
Oh.
529
00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:40,789
[together]
Ca-caw! Ca-caw!
530
00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:41,887
[both laugh]
531
00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:44,518
Maybe a little shadow
wouldn't hurt.
532
00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:47,364
Speaking of, you thought
I was cheating with Barry?
533
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:48,700
I know it's ridiculous,
534
00:18:48,695 --> 00:18:50,955
but I feel like our lives
are so different now...
535
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:53,073
Maybe
you wouldn't tell me.
536
00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:54,895
Are you kidding?
I would tell you anything.
537
00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:57,801
You're my best friend.
538
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:02,579
[Adult Adam]
While Barry and Bill
took their weird man crush
539
00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:04,075
out of the shadows,
540
00:19:04,076 --> 00:19:07,246
my future with Carmen
was nothing but darkness.
541
00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:09,477
Hey, Schmoo, I've got
some Rice Krispie Treats
542
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:10,952
if you're interested.
543
00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:13,620
Thanks, but I'm not really
in the mood
for snackies right now.
544
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:16,220
I know this didn't go the way
you wanted it to, sweetie,
545
00:19:16,223 --> 00:19:17,723
but it's always more mature
546
00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:20,234
to just show people
who you really are.
547
00:19:20,227 --> 00:19:24,097
Well, the real me is gonna
be sad for a while.
548
00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:26,126
I know you don't care
what I think,
549
00:19:26,132 --> 00:19:27,802
but I love the real you.
550
00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:31,736
[sighs]
551
00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:34,068
[in distance]
♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round ♪
552
00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:36,483
- What's that?
-♪ Round and round,
round and round ♪
553
00:19:36,476 --> 00:19:38,446
♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round-- ♪
554
00:19:38,445 --> 00:19:39,645
- [button clicks, music stops]
- Carmen?
555
00:19:39,646 --> 00:19:40,776
Hey.
556
00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:42,580
I was just
in the neighborhood,
557
00:19:42,582 --> 00:19:45,492
decided to swing by,
all casual-like.
558
00:19:45,485 --> 00:19:46,815
I'll come down.
559
00:19:49,289 --> 00:19:51,419
[sighs]
560
00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:54,194
You know, I have
never had a guy
show up to my window
561
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,503
with a step stool
and a boombox like that.
562
00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:58,596
Really? You should have
a million guys
563
00:19:58,598 --> 00:19:59,628
outside your window.
564
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:01,933
Not a million.
565
00:20:01,934 --> 00:20:03,644
The appropriate amount.
566
00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:05,436
Why don't you talk now?
567
00:20:05,438 --> 00:20:07,108
And the reason I wanted to draw
the line at casual
568
00:20:07,106 --> 00:20:09,176
is 'cause I just got out
of a relationship,
569
00:20:09,175 --> 00:20:12,305
and I'm [breathes deeply]
not ready to be hurt again.
570
00:20:12,312 --> 00:20:13,712
I get it.
571
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:15,523
The thing is...
572
00:20:15,515 --> 00:20:18,785
I know you are not the kind
of guy who's going to hurt me.
573
00:20:18,785 --> 00:20:20,145
So...
574
00:20:21,187 --> 00:20:23,557
we can be exclusive
and see where it goes.
575
00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:25,386
I think I can
make that work.
576
00:20:27,093 --> 00:20:28,863
[laughs] You think
you could still show me
577
00:20:28,861 --> 00:20:30,701
what an Adam Goldberg
grand gesture is like?
578
00:20:30,697 --> 00:20:32,467
I would love to.
579
00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:34,465
- ["Can't Hardly Wait" plays]
- [chuckles]
580
00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:36,667
[Adult Adam] Relationships
can be complicated.
581
00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:38,739
Just when you think you're
getting close to someone,
582
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:40,008
they can pull away.
583
00:20:40,006 --> 00:20:42,006
♪ Lights that flash
in the evening ♪
584
00:20:42,008 --> 00:20:45,008
[Adult Adam]
But as long as you show people
who you really are,
585
00:20:45,011 --> 00:20:47,511
you'll find even
casual acquaintances
586
00:20:47,514 --> 00:20:49,154
can become like family.
587
00:20:49,148 --> 00:20:50,318
- Whoo!
- Touchdown!
588
00:20:50,317 --> 00:20:52,717
♪ I can't hardly wait ♪
589
00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:58,929
So, your incredibly
specific tale
590
00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:00,355
of infidelity
got me thinking.
591
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:02,190
You're not the only one
who can spin a convincing yarn
592
00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:03,564
about a torrid dalliance.
593
00:21:03,563 --> 00:21:05,773
All right. Get whatever this is
out of your system.
594
00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:08,765
I'm just saying, I, too,
know an out-of-the-way motel
595
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:10,938
where the touching
of non-wives may occur.
596
00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:12,937
Oh, no.
I feel super threatened.
597
00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:14,439
That's right.
I would do some touching.
598
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:16,181
Could you possibly be
more specific?
599
00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:17,435
Happily.
600
00:21:17,444 --> 00:21:20,054
Know that said touching
would be the touching
601
00:21:20,046 --> 00:21:21,406
of an unfamiliar
female person...
602
00:21:21,414 --> 00:21:22,684
Uh-huh.
603
00:21:22,682 --> 00:21:25,222
And perhaps,
if her hands are clean,
604
00:21:25,217 --> 00:21:27,517
underneath
this rugby shirt.
605
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:28,920
You're incredibly bad
at this.
606
00:21:28,921 --> 00:21:30,261
Please never leave me.
44200
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