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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:51,766 --> 00:00:52,850 All right, Chevy. 2 00:00:53,768 --> 00:00:55,811 Chevy, you're very handsome. 3 00:00:55,811 --> 00:00:57,563 -Stop it. - How did you become so funny? 4 00:00:57,563 --> 00:00:58,689 What was the first part? 5 00:00:59,774 --> 00:01:02,234 Lorne said if I just stared into the camera, 6 00:01:02,234 --> 00:01:03,903 that'd take a lot of guts. 7 00:01:06,822 --> 00:01:10,743 "There were bells on the hill, but I never heard them ringing." 8 00:01:12,536 --> 00:01:13,788 Action, Laraine. 9 00:01:21,337 --> 00:01:22,338 Hi. 10 00:01:23,380 --> 00:01:25,216 Did I spell your name right? 11 00:01:28,010 --> 00:01:30,346 I'm Garrett Morris talking to all you white Americans... 12 00:01:30,471 --> 00:01:33,015 about the way Black people have been treated in America. 13 00:01:33,474 --> 00:01:36,560 Now, I know a lot of you feel guilty, and you should. 14 00:01:38,938 --> 00:01:41,857 You see, um, having a catheter... 15 00:01:42,024 --> 00:01:43,943 a lot of people think it's funny. 16 00:01:44,109 --> 00:01:46,737 And they like to see me dance. 17 00:01:48,531 --> 00:01:52,243 Now, I look up, and I see it coming down now, real quick... 18 00:01:52,409 --> 00:01:53,702 and I see discs. 19 00:01:53,869 --> 00:01:55,079 Whirlin' discs! 20 00:01:55,996 --> 00:01:57,039 - Really? - All right. 21 00:01:57,206 --> 00:01:58,499 Radney? 22 00:01:58,666 --> 00:02:00,543 I'm not gonna talk about... No. 23 00:02:01,001 --> 00:02:03,003 Whirlin'. Whirlin' around, whirlin' around. 24 00:02:03,003 --> 00:02:04,338 I see all kinds of lights. Then they just drop me. 25 00:02:04,505 --> 00:02:06,966 In order to get that much iron, you probably have to overeat. 26 00:02:07,132 --> 00:02:10,845 Send your check or money order to White Guilt Relief Fund. 27 00:02:11,011 --> 00:02:13,013 We're ready? Should we go? 28 00:02:17,393 --> 00:02:18,602 {\an8}Free show! 29 00:02:20,229 --> 00:02:22,273 Plenty of tickets left, guys! Free show! 30 00:02:22,815 --> 00:02:23,816 No? 31 00:02:24,608 --> 00:02:26,277 Hey, free show, man. 32 00:02:26,986 --> 00:02:29,446 Hey, sir, free comedy show? Plenty of seats. 33 00:02:29,613 --> 00:02:31,365 Perfect for date night! 34 00:02:32,074 --> 00:02:32,908 Um... 35 00:02:33,534 --> 00:02:36,370 "You are invited to a new variety spectacular... 36 00:02:36,537 --> 00:02:39,081 "featuring a parade of comedy... 37 00:02:39,248 --> 00:02:40,624 "and musical acts ripped from the charts." 38 00:02:41,917 --> 00:02:43,168 Jesus Christ. 39 00:02:43,335 --> 00:02:44,670 "Where did they unearth such a cavalcade of talent?" 40 00:02:47,131 --> 00:02:48,674 Hey, man! You okay? 41 00:02:50,009 --> 00:02:52,428 Maybe ask me again in 90 minutes. 42 00:02:53,095 --> 00:02:54,513 Why? What happens in 90 minutes? 43 00:02:54,972 --> 00:02:56,098 Uh, we go live. 44 00:02:56,432 --> 00:02:59,059 Oh, wow. Far out, man. Congrats. Miss? 45 00:02:59,226 --> 00:03:00,978 - Thank you. -Hey, wait. If it's live, 46 00:03:01,145 --> 00:03:02,688 then why the hell are you down here? 47 00:03:02,855 --> 00:03:04,648 - Free show. For fuck's sake. - I'm... 48 00:03:04,815 --> 00:03:06,191 -Mr. Michaels? - ...waiting for... 49 00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:07,234 Ah! 50 00:03:07,568 --> 00:03:09,778 It's 10 o'clock, Andy. Here. Come on. 51 00:03:10,237 --> 00:03:11,822 Where do I park? 52 00:03:11,989 --> 00:03:14,325 "You are invited to a new variety spectacular..." 53 00:03:14,491 --> 00:03:15,868 Just pick him up at 1:00, Mrs. Kaufman. 54 00:03:15,868 --> 00:03:16,952 Do you like my suit? 55 00:03:17,119 --> 00:03:18,162 - Very elegant, Andy. - Take care of my Andy! 56 00:03:18,329 --> 00:03:19,872 This is my favorite suit. 57 00:03:20,039 --> 00:03:21,957 "Where did they unearth such a cavalcade of talent?" 58 00:03:22,958 --> 00:03:24,084 Bye. Bye, Mommy. 59 00:03:24,251 --> 00:03:25,085 Bye, honey. 60 00:03:25,085 --> 00:03:26,003 - I love you! -Andy, come on. 61 00:03:32,635 --> 00:03:33,636 Andy, please, come on. 62 00:03:33,802 --> 00:03:35,387 This is beautiful. 63 00:03:35,554 --> 00:03:36,555 Yeah. 64 00:03:36,805 --> 00:03:37,806 You know, actually, down there 65 00:03:37,806 --> 00:03:38,891 is where Diego Rivera was hired... 66 00:03:39,058 --> 00:03:41,268 to paint a fresco for the American worker. 67 00:03:41,435 --> 00:03:42,478 I cannot see this. 68 00:03:42,645 --> 00:03:44,563 Well, no one can because Diego was a commie... 69 00:03:44,730 --> 00:03:46,231 and added Vladimir Lenin in the middle of the night... 70 00:03:46,231 --> 00:03:47,608 so the Rockefellers had it plastered over. 71 00:03:47,608 --> 00:03:48,692 Deliveries use the back. 72 00:03:48,692 --> 00:03:49,985 - I'm producer of the show. - Where's your badge? 73 00:03:49,985 --> 00:03:51,278 - My... - Where's his badge? 74 00:03:51,278 --> 00:03:52,363 Look, my name is Lorne Michaels. 75 00:03:52,363 --> 00:03:53,447 I'm the producer of Saturday Night. 76 00:03:53,447 --> 00:03:54,615 - The whole night? -Hey! Hey! He's good. 77 00:03:54,615 --> 00:03:56,325 - Yeah, I'm producing every show. - He's good. He's good. 78 00:03:56,325 --> 00:03:57,701 - I'm good, you see? - Let him in. Let him in. 79 00:03:57,701 --> 00:03:58,786 Live on a Saturday night? Must be some show. 80 00:03:58,786 --> 00:03:59,870 I'm good. Andy, please. 81 00:03:59,870 --> 00:04:01,205 Hey, you're doing a great job. Really. Great stuff. 82 00:04:01,205 --> 00:04:02,581 What kind of name is "Saturday Night"? 83 00:04:02,581 --> 00:04:04,917 - Andy, come on. Please. - Okay. We rushing. 84 00:04:05,084 --> 00:04:06,377 Eighth floor, and book it. 85 00:04:06,543 --> 00:04:08,128 Put on your seat belts. 86 00:04:10,506 --> 00:04:12,299 So, big night. 87 00:04:12,299 --> 00:04:13,759 Oh, Andy, have you had dinner? 88 00:04:13,759 --> 00:04:16,178 Huh. Yes, I had spaghetti. 89 00:04:16,178 --> 00:04:17,346 Oh, that sounds delicious. 90 00:04:17,513 --> 00:04:19,223 Hey, Lorne, I'm getting calls from upstairs. 91 00:04:19,223 --> 00:04:20,349 You ordered a llama? 92 00:04:20,516 --> 00:04:21,517 A llama? 93 00:04:21,684 --> 00:04:23,978 Yeah. We all decided it was much funnier than a donkey. 94 00:04:24,144 --> 00:04:25,396 Right. Just the guys down at the loading dock 95 00:04:25,396 --> 00:04:27,022 weren't expecting, you know, livestock. 96 00:04:27,189 --> 00:04:29,400 Well, NBC did ask for something fresh and unexpected. 97 00:04:29,566 --> 00:04:30,859 That is true. That's true. 98 00:04:30,985 --> 00:04:32,152 Uh, just, you know, they also weren't 99 00:04:32,152 --> 00:04:33,237 expecting you to demand... 100 00:04:33,404 --> 00:04:35,656 an overhaul in the entire lighting and sound package. 101 00:04:37,366 --> 00:04:39,576 Did anyone ask Edison what a light bulb was 102 00:04:39,743 --> 00:04:41,203 before he harnessed electricity? 103 00:04:42,705 --> 00:04:44,373 Who are you in the metaphor? 104 00:04:45,124 --> 00:04:46,583 The light bulb? 105 00:04:47,001 --> 00:04:48,544 We can't expect people to recognize 106 00:04:48,711 --> 00:04:49,837 something they've never seen before. 107 00:04:50,004 --> 00:04:51,380 Right. Okay. Yes. You're correct. 108 00:04:51,547 --> 00:04:52,798 But just, how about a final script? 109 00:04:52,965 --> 00:04:53,966 It's not that kind of show. 110 00:04:54,133 --> 00:04:55,509 Okay. Well, what kind of show is it, Lorne? 111 00:04:55,676 --> 00:04:56,844 Do you even know what the show is? 112 00:04:57,011 --> 00:04:58,012 Of course. 113 00:04:58,721 --> 00:05:00,055 Are you gonna share it with the rest of us? 114 00:05:00,222 --> 00:05:02,016 Yes. 115 00:05:02,558 --> 00:05:03,559 In 88 minutes. 116 00:05:03,726 --> 00:05:05,394 Oh, my God. 117 00:05:05,561 --> 00:05:07,187 Uh, have you tested the quality of the sound system? 118 00:05:07,354 --> 00:05:08,439 - No, I haven't. - 'Cause the speakers... 119 00:05:08,605 --> 00:05:10,399 look leftover from Arturo Toscanini. 120 00:05:10,566 --> 00:05:11,692 I mean, that's not really my job. 121 00:05:11,859 --> 00:05:13,068 Lorne, did you order more lights? 122 00:05:13,235 --> 00:05:14,236 Of course. 123 00:05:14,903 --> 00:05:15,988 Is this your card? 124 00:05:15,988 --> 00:05:17,072 How'd he do that? 125 00:05:17,072 --> 00:05:18,490 He's a fuckin' magician, numb nuts. 126 00:05:18,657 --> 00:05:20,200 -Hey, Neil? - Oh, hey. 127 00:05:20,367 --> 00:05:22,536 You got to be right by my side, man. Locked to my hip. 128 00:05:22,536 --> 00:05:23,912 Remember, when you're here, you're not my cousin... 129 00:05:23,912 --> 00:05:25,205 you're my executive assistant. You're important. 130 00:05:25,205 --> 00:05:26,373 Really? Like in the credits it will say that? 131 00:05:26,373 --> 00:05:27,583 Well, no, but you and I will know. 132 00:05:27,583 --> 00:05:28,667 They're looking for you in the control room. 133 00:05:28,667 --> 00:05:30,544 Also, Belushi hasn't signed his contract yet? 134 00:05:30,544 --> 00:05:32,588 - Oh, and the llama has arrived. - Oh, great. Thanks, Barbara. 135 00:05:32,588 --> 00:05:34,840 Neil, memo. We need to reeducate the NBC Pages on the show. 136 00:05:34,840 --> 00:05:35,924 You should've heard the guy outside. 137 00:05:35,924 --> 00:05:37,009 What the hell is this? 138 00:05:37,009 --> 00:05:39,303 Saturday Night, it's a new kind of entertainment. 139 00:05:39,303 --> 00:05:42,514 It's abstract and defiant. Avant-garde yet blue collar... 140 00:05:48,645 --> 00:05:50,397 Gilda, come on. We need you for rehearsal. 141 00:05:52,316 --> 00:05:54,234 Oh, be careful. They're still drying. 142 00:05:54,401 --> 00:05:55,986 This is monumental work, Edie. 143 00:05:56,153 --> 00:05:58,572 Mr. Gresner, would you please tell our studio audience... 144 00:05:58,739 --> 00:06:00,282 Jane, you're still attached. 145 00:06:00,449 --> 00:06:03,285 ...just how you became a victim of a shark bite? 146 00:06:04,161 --> 00:06:05,746 You are so fluffy. 147 00:06:05,913 --> 00:06:07,039 Hey, come on, Andy. 148 00:06:07,539 --> 00:06:09,374 You cut my Nazi Doctor Dolittle? 149 00:06:09,792 --> 00:06:11,668 He has ways of making the animals talk? 150 00:06:11,835 --> 00:06:13,045 I'll check with the run-of-show board. 151 00:06:13,212 --> 00:06:15,214 Package was addressed to Al Franken and Tom Davis. 152 00:06:15,380 --> 00:06:16,757 I don't know what to tell you, fellas. 153 00:06:16,757 --> 00:06:17,966 How do you lose 28 gallons of blood? 154 00:06:19,551 --> 00:06:21,762 85 minutes till showtime. 155 00:06:21,929 --> 00:06:24,807 Come on, guys. These transitions need to be crisp. 156 00:06:24,973 --> 00:06:27,184 Pretend like there's a hooker holding a sandwich 157 00:06:27,184 --> 00:06:28,435 waiting for you stage right. 158 00:06:28,602 --> 00:06:30,229 We still need to rehearse five sketches. 159 00:06:30,229 --> 00:06:32,272 Are we any closer on lighting cues? 160 00:06:32,439 --> 00:06:34,149 Hey, Schiller. What are you up to? 161 00:06:34,316 --> 00:06:36,693 I'm burning sage. Removing demons. 162 00:06:36,860 --> 00:06:38,112 Garrett don't do voodoo. 163 00:06:38,278 --> 00:06:39,947 Peter packed a peck of pickled peckers. 164 00:06:40,114 --> 00:06:42,491 Andy, this is Billy Crystal and Valri Bromfield. 165 00:06:42,658 --> 00:06:43,826 - They're both in the show. - Andy! 166 00:06:43,992 --> 00:06:46,036 They're both very nice. Please stay with them, okay? 167 00:06:46,203 --> 00:06:48,080 Listen, Andy is a certifiable comedic genius. 168 00:06:48,247 --> 00:06:49,248 - He is redefining the form. - Nice to meet you, Andy. 169 00:06:49,414 --> 00:06:51,416 I mean, we are in the presence of greatness. 170 00:06:53,043 --> 00:06:54,128 Where is the bathroom? 171 00:06:54,128 --> 00:06:55,504 Neil, can you show Andy to the washroom? 172 00:06:55,504 --> 00:06:57,214 - Yeah. Yeah. - There you are. Lorne. I can't 173 00:06:57,214 --> 00:06:58,757 - authorize the purchase... - Dick. Dick. 174 00:06:58,757 --> 00:07:00,175 ...of an antique chandelier. 175 00:07:00,175 --> 00:07:01,260 Jim has a question about something. 176 00:07:01,260 --> 00:07:02,553 - Here. Let's step over here. -He's out of control. 177 00:07:02,553 --> 00:07:04,304 - Okay. I understand. - This isn't a budget. 178 00:07:04,304 --> 00:07:05,389 It's a ransom note. 179 00:07:05,389 --> 00:07:06,515 Someone asked for last Friday's Johnny Carson? 180 00:07:06,515 --> 00:07:07,683 Where the fuck you been, Charlie? 181 00:07:07,683 --> 00:07:08,767 Sorry, I've been busy. 182 00:07:08,767 --> 00:07:09,852 I'll be back in a little bit, okay? 183 00:07:09,852 --> 00:07:11,311 Hope I still have a job when he's gone next week. 184 00:07:11,311 --> 00:07:13,021 Okey-dokes. So, as it stands... 185 00:07:13,188 --> 00:07:15,440 we have four host monologues, two stand-ups... 186 00:07:15,607 --> 00:07:17,526 two musical guests, each with two performances... 187 00:07:17,693 --> 00:07:18,986 a solo piece for Andy Kaufman... 188 00:07:19,153 --> 00:07:21,280 five parody commercials, Weekend Update... 189 00:07:21,446 --> 00:07:22,489 a film by Albert Brooks... 190 00:07:22,656 --> 00:07:25,075 Jim Henson's Muppet... thing. 191 00:07:25,242 --> 00:07:27,244 Not to mention seven sketches. 192 00:07:27,411 --> 00:07:28,787 - Something for everybody. - Yeah, it's a lot of show. 193 00:07:28,954 --> 00:07:30,289 - It won't fit. - We don't know that. 194 00:07:30,455 --> 00:07:32,958 I know that. The dress rehearsal was three hours. 195 00:07:33,125 --> 00:07:34,126 Audrey thinks we're tight. 196 00:07:34,293 --> 00:07:36,461 Audrey thinks it's time to make some tough decisions, actually. 197 00:07:36,628 --> 00:07:37,629 Lorne, just cut some things. 198 00:07:37,796 --> 00:07:39,256 - No. We will, but... -Am I still in the show? 199 00:07:42,384 --> 00:07:43,844 Jesus Christ. 200 00:07:44,011 --> 00:07:46,138 - Sorry. Tripped over my penis. - Still on the show, Chev. 201 00:07:46,305 --> 00:07:47,806 Oh, I know. Hey, you remember Jackie. 202 00:07:47,973 --> 00:07:49,183 - My girlfriend. - Fiancée. 203 00:07:49,349 --> 00:07:50,392 It looks expensive. 204 00:07:50,392 --> 00:07:51,476 She is. 205 00:07:51,476 --> 00:07:52,561 It is. 206 00:07:52,561 --> 00:07:53,729 I never know when you're kidding. 207 00:07:53,729 --> 00:07:54,813 Hey, Chev, can I... 208 00:07:54,980 --> 00:07:56,398 Can you show a little goodwill to your co-star? 209 00:07:56,565 --> 00:07:57,900 - Who? Belushi? - Mmm-hmm. 210 00:07:58,066 --> 00:08:00,402 God! God! What the fuck's the matter now? 211 00:08:00,569 --> 00:08:02,070 I think it's just a new dynamic and... 212 00:08:02,237 --> 00:08:03,447 there are a lot of expectations for every... 213 00:08:03,447 --> 00:08:04,531 I'll tell you what the issue is. 214 00:08:04,698 --> 00:08:06,366 We're not doing a radio hour anymore 215 00:08:06,366 --> 00:08:07,784 and he's built like an Albanian cheeseburger. 216 00:08:07,951 --> 00:08:10,204 Chevy can't help if people are responding to his face. 217 00:08:10,370 --> 00:08:11,496 I mean, I could, but I won't. 218 00:08:11,663 --> 00:08:12,998 Right. Well, no one's asking you 219 00:08:12,998 --> 00:08:14,625 to deny your own magnetism, Chevy. 220 00:08:14,791 --> 00:08:16,418 Maybe there's other roles for John to play. 221 00:08:16,585 --> 00:08:18,420 Like a hobo. Or a troll. 222 00:08:18,587 --> 00:08:20,923 Or a fire hydrant. Or a Volkswagen. 223 00:08:21,089 --> 00:08:23,091 Or a hemorrhoid. 224 00:08:23,550 --> 00:08:25,802 - You're looking sharp, Patches. - What? 225 00:08:26,220 --> 00:08:27,429 You have to cut something. 226 00:08:27,429 --> 00:08:29,348 Yeah. Yeah. 227 00:08:32,017 --> 00:08:33,393 - Neil? - Oh. Yeah! 228 00:08:33,560 --> 00:08:35,646 Get me a key to this door. In fact... 229 00:08:36,063 --> 00:08:37,481 I want keys to all the doors. 230 00:08:37,648 --> 00:08:38,982 In the building? 231 00:08:39,149 --> 00:08:40,859 - If you can. - Yeah. 232 00:08:43,779 --> 00:08:45,697 Frame up on the shot, okay, Cameron? 233 00:08:46,156 --> 00:08:47,157 That's good. 234 00:08:47,407 --> 00:08:49,952 Ready camera 2. That looks okay. 235 00:08:49,952 --> 00:08:51,036 Hey, guys. 236 00:08:51,203 --> 00:08:52,746 Hey, Lorne. Can you get down or around? 237 00:08:52,913 --> 00:08:54,373 Down in front. 238 00:08:55,290 --> 00:08:56,208 Dave, how're we looking? 239 00:08:56,208 --> 00:08:57,459 Oh. Good, good, good. Good, good. 240 00:08:57,626 --> 00:09:00,045 Still working on the 47 notes you gave me on your last visit. 241 00:09:00,462 --> 00:09:02,714 Okay. How's the morale looking out there? 242 00:09:03,131 --> 00:09:04,216 -"Morale"? - Mm-hmm. 243 00:09:04,216 --> 00:09:07,344 Oh, I think I can speak for the entire crew... 244 00:09:07,511 --> 00:09:11,765 when I say this is exactly where we want to be on Saturday night. 245 00:09:13,267 --> 00:09:14,935 - Okay. Great. -Yeah. Yeah. 246 00:09:15,519 --> 00:09:17,771 Rocky! Wake up, will you? 247 00:09:18,272 --> 00:09:21,441 Give me lights 25B, 25C! 248 00:09:23,277 --> 00:09:25,445 Half down on 31! That's 32! 249 00:09:25,612 --> 00:09:27,281 You've done this before, right? 250 00:09:27,447 --> 00:09:28,448 Man, that's a lot of lights. 251 00:09:28,615 --> 00:09:30,200 Charlie, you're gonna drop a testicle lifting that thing. 252 00:09:30,367 --> 00:09:31,410 Good job, Charlie. 253 00:09:31,535 --> 00:09:32,536 All right. Quiet, please! 254 00:09:32,703 --> 00:09:35,414 Here we go. Rehearsal's up. Actors on their marks. 255 00:09:35,580 --> 00:09:36,873 All right. Hey, guys. 256 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:39,293 We only have two minutes of commercials... 257 00:09:39,459 --> 00:09:41,837 to make it from stage right to stage left. 258 00:09:42,004 --> 00:09:43,588 Anybody know the load bearing on the booms? 259 00:09:43,755 --> 00:09:45,674 - Hello, fellas. - What's up, Joe? 260 00:09:45,841 --> 00:09:47,467 Can I get you anything? Refreshment? 261 00:09:47,634 --> 00:09:48,927 - Mai Tai? -I'll take a Schaefer. 262 00:09:49,094 --> 00:09:50,929 Try and at least act like you're fucking working, please. 263 00:09:51,096 --> 00:09:52,389 John, thank you for your patience. 264 00:09:52,389 --> 00:09:53,473 Moments away, okay? 265 00:09:54,766 --> 00:09:57,602 All right. Next card. "Al 'Bud' Franken." 266 00:09:58,270 --> 00:09:59,563 Next card. "Tom 'Bud' Davis." 267 00:09:59,730 --> 00:10:01,690 Okay. So, this is a bit? 268 00:10:01,857 --> 00:10:03,900 Look, I don't get half the shit that they do. 269 00:10:04,067 --> 00:10:06,028 Next card, "Rosie 'Bud'..." Uh... 270 00:10:06,820 --> 00:10:09,281 Lorne, is Rosie going with Michaels or Shuster? 271 00:10:10,073 --> 00:10:12,576 - That's a good question. -Should I ask Rosie? 272 00:10:12,576 --> 00:10:14,244 No, no, no. I'll take care of it. 273 00:10:14,411 --> 00:10:16,163 -All right. -Stew, that's good. 274 00:10:16,330 --> 00:10:17,622 That's actually looking good. 275 00:10:18,123 --> 00:10:19,583 A little more over. 276 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,084 She's been at it for hours. 277 00:10:21,084 --> 00:10:22,544 She's simply doing her job. 278 00:10:22,544 --> 00:10:23,879 We have to comply with NBC standards. 279 00:10:23,879 --> 00:10:25,172 Well, I refuse to comply. 280 00:10:25,172 --> 00:10:27,007 - Uh, Mr. O'Donoghue. - Mmm-hmm? 281 00:10:27,632 --> 00:10:31,219 On page 12, what is clam diving? 282 00:10:33,180 --> 00:10:36,016 I believe the act of harvesting mollusks. 283 00:10:36,183 --> 00:10:37,809 Stew! You're killing me here. 284 00:10:37,809 --> 00:10:39,227 I just need the lights for Home Invasion. 285 00:10:39,394 --> 00:10:41,021 Talk to the wonder kid! He's trying to light 286 00:10:41,021 --> 00:10:42,939 - Jesus Christ Superstar! -Those are excuses. 287 00:10:42,939 --> 00:10:44,608 Four people up there, get them lit. 288 00:10:44,775 --> 00:10:47,569 I'm glad you're having fun, but this isn't helpful. 289 00:10:47,736 --> 00:10:49,905 If that piglet disfigures my work... 290 00:10:50,072 --> 00:10:52,699 I'm gonna turn her uterus into a sock puppet. 291 00:10:52,866 --> 00:10:54,993 What is "Zipper Dinner"? 292 00:11:00,123 --> 00:11:02,084 How many of these did you hide in the script? 293 00:11:02,250 --> 00:11:04,961 Maybe a dozen. It's like a scavenger hunt. 294 00:11:05,128 --> 00:11:06,421 I know what blue balls are. 295 00:11:06,588 --> 00:11:07,589 You don't say. 296 00:11:08,173 --> 00:11:10,592 Come on, people, move with purpose. Let's do this. 297 00:11:10,759 --> 00:11:13,011 Al, is that your one? Come on, give it. 298 00:11:13,178 --> 00:11:15,889 All right. Quiet, please! Rehearsal is up. 299 00:11:15,889 --> 00:11:17,265 Assault and burglary. 300 00:11:17,265 --> 00:11:19,142 Okay. Actors on your marks, please. 301 00:11:19,309 --> 00:11:20,394 Cameras on their marks. 302 00:11:20,394 --> 00:11:21,478 - Here we go. - Hey. 303 00:11:26,358 --> 00:11:28,402 Okay! Let's see if we can get through one of these skits. 304 00:11:28,568 --> 00:11:30,070 Sketches! Davy, please. 305 00:11:30,070 --> 00:11:31,154 And action on rehearsals. 306 00:11:31,154 --> 00:11:32,781 Okay. Ready, Camera One? Take Camera One. 307 00:11:34,074 --> 00:11:37,327 Look, honey. Boeing Boeing with Jerry Lewis is on in 10 minutes. 308 00:11:37,494 --> 00:11:39,621 Ready, Camera Two? Take Camera Two. 309 00:11:39,621 --> 00:11:42,040 Uh, sweetheart, I'm tired. I think I'm just gonna... 310 00:11:42,207 --> 00:11:44,292 have another glass of diet root beer 311 00:11:44,292 --> 00:11:45,961 and go to bed, okay? 312 00:11:47,754 --> 00:11:49,631 -Aykroyd! - Cue, Danny. 313 00:11:54,219 --> 00:11:55,220 What's the problem? 314 00:11:55,387 --> 00:11:56,596 What's going on, Dan? 315 00:11:57,055 --> 00:11:58,390 It's a little lodged. 316 00:11:59,641 --> 00:12:00,725 Hi, there! 317 00:12:00,892 --> 00:12:01,977 Please do not be alarmed. 318 00:12:02,144 --> 00:12:03,895 This is only a simulated assault and burglary. 319 00:12:04,062 --> 00:12:06,314 Repeat. This is a simulated assault and burglary. 320 00:12:06,481 --> 00:12:08,108 This could happen to you at any time. In fact... 321 00:12:08,108 --> 00:12:09,234 - it just has. -Call the police! 322 00:12:09,234 --> 00:12:10,318 No, no! 323 00:12:10,485 --> 00:12:12,404 Don't call the police. I am the police. 324 00:12:12,571 --> 00:12:13,530 Well, I might be, anyway. 325 00:12:14,656 --> 00:12:16,575 - Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Kromer... -Hold! 326 00:12:16,950 --> 00:12:18,869 Aykroyd, one giant step to the right, please. 327 00:12:19,202 --> 00:12:20,203 Yeah. My right? 328 00:12:20,203 --> 00:12:21,246 - Yes. -Sure. 329 00:12:21,246 --> 00:12:23,248 Uh, say, man, you want me to say anything in this? 330 00:12:23,415 --> 00:12:26,209 Or am I the silent robber type? 331 00:12:26,376 --> 00:12:28,378 I think we're gonna stick to the script this time. 332 00:12:28,545 --> 00:12:29,838 - What script? -Thanks, Garrett. 333 00:12:30,005 --> 00:12:32,257 Okay. Here we go. And action on rehearsal. 334 00:12:32,883 --> 00:12:34,634 Hi. Mr. and Mrs. Kromer. 335 00:12:34,801 --> 00:12:35,927 My name is Kenny Vorstrather. 336 00:12:36,553 --> 00:12:38,472 I'm president of Trojan Horse Home Security. 337 00:12:38,722 --> 00:12:40,849 I have broken into your home tonight to illustrate to you... 338 00:12:41,016 --> 00:12:42,017 ...and your family just how... 339 00:12:42,017 --> 00:12:43,560 Watch out! 340 00:12:44,686 --> 00:12:45,812 Shit! 341 00:12:45,812 --> 00:12:47,063 Have your girders been checked? 342 00:12:47,063 --> 00:12:48,398 Piece of shit! You fucking piece of shit! 343 00:12:48,398 --> 00:12:50,525 I'll fucking break your fucking jaw! 344 00:12:51,401 --> 00:12:53,820 Play the cameras back. Play the cameras back. Let's go. 345 00:12:54,738 --> 00:12:56,781 John, are you hurt? 346 00:12:56,781 --> 00:12:57,866 Jesus Christ! 347 00:12:58,033 --> 00:12:59,075 You okay? 348 00:12:59,075 --> 00:13:01,161 Need a new gun. Where's props for me, please? 349 00:13:01,161 --> 00:13:02,454 Can somebody clear the children, please? 350 00:13:02,454 --> 00:13:03,580 Excuse me. Watch out, please. 351 00:13:03,747 --> 00:13:05,415 Why? You got any more fucking lights 352 00:13:05,415 --> 00:13:06,666 you want to drop on us? 353 00:13:06,833 --> 00:13:08,710 Yeah, maybe. Maybe, motherfucker! 354 00:13:08,710 --> 00:13:10,504 Want me to break your fucking jaw for you? 355 00:13:10,504 --> 00:13:11,630 Fucking amateur hour! 356 00:13:11,630 --> 00:13:13,715 I'll bust your fucking jaw for you, motherfucker! 357 00:13:13,882 --> 00:13:16,176 Hey! Hey! How dare you endanger my actors? 358 00:13:16,176 --> 00:13:17,260 Lorne. Lorne, it's not worth it. 359 00:13:17,260 --> 00:13:18,345 Really? Yeah. 360 00:13:18,345 --> 00:13:20,472 You're the one asking for 100 fucking light cues, pal! 361 00:13:20,472 --> 00:13:22,724 Well, feel free to let me know when my expectations 362 00:13:22,724 --> 00:13:23,808 surpass your abilities. 363 00:13:23,808 --> 00:13:25,060 There's a shit-ton of lights. It's not worth it. 364 00:13:25,227 --> 00:13:27,020 You know, I don't know, guys. It was kind of exciting. 365 00:13:27,187 --> 00:13:28,522 Like, it's probably good luck. 366 00:13:29,606 --> 00:13:30,607 Wallie. 367 00:13:31,399 --> 00:13:34,402 Uh. this thing's not gonna work. I need... 368 00:13:34,402 --> 00:13:35,487 Something with a little more heft. 369 00:13:35,487 --> 00:13:37,322 It's got no stopping power. You know what I mean? 370 00:13:37,322 --> 00:13:38,782 The script said pistol. 371 00:13:39,616 --> 00:13:40,784 Well, the script specifically called for... 372 00:13:40,951 --> 00:13:43,620 a Smith and Wesson K-Frame Model 19 Combat Magnum. 373 00:13:43,787 --> 00:13:44,829 Do we go again? 374 00:13:44,829 --> 00:13:46,748 Uh, in this deathtrap? 375 00:13:46,915 --> 00:13:47,916 Well, we've worked out the kinks. 376 00:13:48,083 --> 00:13:50,335 You know, I still think it was kind of funny. 377 00:13:50,502 --> 00:13:52,254 How high will this thing go, Al? 378 00:13:52,420 --> 00:13:54,005 - Gilda. Gilda. - Say hello to the cameras, boys. 379 00:13:54,172 --> 00:13:56,383 There's home base... 380 00:13:56,550 --> 00:13:57,759 Kid, this ain't an armory. 381 00:13:57,759 --> 00:13:59,594 No one's gonna notice the difference. 382 00:13:59,761 --> 00:14:00,762 I'll tell you who'll notice. 383 00:14:00,762 --> 00:14:01,930 A few of the fine folks at home... 384 00:14:01,930 --> 00:14:03,765 who lugged M16s through four feet of swamp juice 385 00:14:03,765 --> 00:14:04,849 in Quang Nam. 386 00:14:04,849 --> 00:14:06,309 Hey, boys! 387 00:14:06,476 --> 00:14:08,311 Guess I picked the wrong day to not wear underwear. 388 00:14:08,311 --> 00:14:09,396 Don't look too hard. 389 00:14:09,396 --> 00:14:10,480 Proud of yourself? 390 00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:12,190 I'll give you and this circus till the end of the week. 391 00:14:12,357 --> 00:14:14,067 That's funny. 'Cause I give you till the end of the day. 392 00:14:15,777 --> 00:14:17,529 All right, everyone. Let's get this thing cleaned up. 393 00:14:17,529 --> 00:14:18,446 Ah, ah, ah, ah... 394 00:14:18,446 --> 00:14:21,408 Grab a light, broom, dustpan. We'll get all this glass. 395 00:14:21,408 --> 00:14:22,534 Mmm-mmm. 396 00:14:23,868 --> 00:14:25,537 Thank you, hermano. 397 00:14:27,122 --> 00:14:28,164 All right, Neil, not with the keys right now. 398 00:14:34,004 --> 00:14:37,090 Pow, pow! Pow, pow! 399 00:14:37,757 --> 00:14:39,092 Hey, come on, man. 400 00:14:39,259 --> 00:14:40,760 Violence? Really? 401 00:14:41,595 --> 00:14:44,014 Ha-ha! My main man, Jim! 402 00:14:44,180 --> 00:14:48,226 Say, sorry for shooting your Muppets, man. 403 00:14:48,393 --> 00:14:49,936 They're not just... 404 00:14:50,312 --> 00:14:51,896 They're your co-stars. 405 00:14:54,190 --> 00:14:56,318 Is that you? You all right there, Jim? 406 00:14:57,235 --> 00:14:58,236 Yes. 407 00:14:59,613 --> 00:15:00,614 No. 408 00:15:01,740 --> 00:15:05,327 I don't think the writers on the 17th floor speak Muppet. 409 00:15:05,493 --> 00:15:07,662 They tied a belt around Big Bird's neck... 410 00:15:07,829 --> 00:15:10,624 and hung him from my dressing room door. 411 00:15:10,790 --> 00:15:13,168 Hey, I heard about Big Bird. I'm so sorry. 412 00:15:13,335 --> 00:15:15,420 Autoerotic asphyxiation. Who knew? 413 00:15:15,420 --> 00:15:17,756 You're full of baloney. 414 00:15:17,922 --> 00:15:19,424 - Uh-oh. Cursing. -Consider me... 415 00:15:19,591 --> 00:15:21,593 the first rat off this sinkin' ship! 416 00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:23,386 - Oh, really? - Don't jump to... 417 00:15:23,386 --> 00:15:26,431 Oh, wow, that's mature. Well, what can I say? Bon voyage. 418 00:15:26,431 --> 00:15:28,600 Lorne, he was our lighting director. We need lights. 419 00:15:28,767 --> 00:15:29,851 I'm sure there's someone else in the building... 420 00:15:30,018 --> 00:15:31,436 - who can push a button, Dick. - Hey, he's the only one 421 00:15:31,603 --> 00:15:33,730 who knows the location of the 200 lights you asked for. 422 00:15:34,856 --> 00:15:35,857 What is this? 423 00:15:36,900 --> 00:15:38,902 What's the meaning of this? Who did this? 424 00:15:40,195 --> 00:15:42,030 Hey, I thought we were making a comedy! 425 00:15:57,837 --> 00:16:01,091 Mmm... 426 00:16:01,091 --> 00:16:02,717 Sounding good, guys. 427 00:16:04,469 --> 00:16:06,054 Yeah. Okay. 428 00:16:07,097 --> 00:16:08,556 - All right. - Say, uh... 429 00:16:08,723 --> 00:16:10,308 we actually worked together before. 430 00:16:10,475 --> 00:16:12,894 I sang backup for Belafonte. 431 00:16:13,812 --> 00:16:16,189 Catch that? 432 00:16:17,691 --> 00:16:19,859 ♪ Drink the coconut water ♪ 433 00:16:20,026 --> 00:16:21,027 ♪ Four to five! ♪ 434 00:16:21,027 --> 00:16:22,946 ♪ Man, it's good For you daughter... ♪ 435 00:16:23,113 --> 00:16:24,197 ♪ Four to five! ♪ 436 00:16:24,364 --> 00:16:26,658 ♪ Coco got a lotta iron ♪ 437 00:16:31,746 --> 00:16:33,373 The guy is singing, too. 438 00:16:33,915 --> 00:16:36,126 How many people do they have playin' tonight? 439 00:16:36,710 --> 00:16:39,754 No. No, no. See, I am one of the comedic performers, man. 440 00:16:39,921 --> 00:16:41,423 - Yeah, I'm in the cast. - Uh-huh. 441 00:16:41,589 --> 00:16:44,551 You are a professional comedian? 442 00:16:45,176 --> 00:16:47,387 Uh... Well, uh... No, not... Not... Not... 443 00:16:47,387 --> 00:16:48,972 - Not by trade. - Okay. 444 00:16:48,972 --> 00:16:50,515 Uh... You see, I'm actually a playwright. 445 00:16:50,682 --> 00:16:52,350 - All right. - Perhaps you saw my work... 446 00:16:52,517 --> 00:16:55,437 at the Black Arts Repertory Theatre in Harlem. 447 00:16:55,603 --> 00:16:57,105 Yeah, I must have missed that. 448 00:16:58,982 --> 00:17:01,401 Yeah. I actually don't know why they hired me, man. 449 00:17:03,653 --> 00:17:05,071 Yeah, you seem a little tight. 450 00:17:05,238 --> 00:17:06,364 - A little... - Do I? 451 00:17:06,531 --> 00:17:08,700 Yeah, you gotta kinda loosen it up for the show. 452 00:17:08,867 --> 00:17:10,034 Say, Alvin... 453 00:17:10,201 --> 00:17:11,578 Hook Mr... 454 00:17:11,745 --> 00:17:13,580 - What's your name? - Garrett Morris. 455 00:17:13,955 --> 00:17:15,874 Garrett Morris, y'all, the comedian. 456 00:17:16,207 --> 00:17:17,542 Yeah, hook Mr. Garrett Morris up... 457 00:17:18,042 --> 00:17:20,712 with a little bit of confidence. You know what I'm saying? 458 00:17:22,088 --> 00:17:23,423 - Yeah, come... - Okay. 459 00:17:23,590 --> 00:17:24,799 Go ahead and get it. 460 00:17:24,966 --> 00:17:25,967 Medical grade. 461 00:17:26,134 --> 00:17:28,470 Shit so light, air at the bottom of the bottle. 462 00:17:28,636 --> 00:17:29,637 You're gonna float. 463 00:17:30,597 --> 00:17:31,598 Float? 464 00:17:32,015 --> 00:17:33,725 - I'm gonna put this away. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 465 00:17:33,892 --> 00:17:35,935 This is illegal. 466 00:17:37,020 --> 00:17:39,773 Yeah, well, you're gonna need it. For your comedy. 467 00:17:39,939 --> 00:17:41,608 - Right. Right. - Yeah. 468 00:17:42,776 --> 00:17:43,943 - Yeah. Yeah. - All right. 469 00:17:44,110 --> 00:17:46,237 - All right, y'all, let's get it. -Scotty, sound check. 470 00:17:46,404 --> 00:17:47,947 All right, everyone, quiet for sound check. 471 00:17:48,114 --> 00:17:49,949 Sound check! 472 00:17:49,949 --> 00:17:50,992 This should be fun. 473 00:18:00,627 --> 00:18:02,337 Is this full volume? 474 00:18:02,670 --> 00:18:03,838 The whole enchilada. 475 00:18:03,838 --> 00:18:05,507 Sounds pretty adequate to me. 476 00:18:05,507 --> 00:18:06,800 Well, this isn't Wimbledon. 477 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:09,135 It needs to feel like a rock concert for everyone at home. 478 00:18:09,135 --> 00:18:11,262 Lorne has such a deep appreciation for music. 479 00:18:11,262 --> 00:18:12,680 Shouldn't we have more mics? 480 00:18:12,847 --> 00:18:14,057 One band, one mic. 481 00:18:17,435 --> 00:18:18,937 Dick, this needs to be fixed for tonight. 482 00:18:19,270 --> 00:18:20,522 That's what I've been talking about. 483 00:18:20,688 --> 00:18:22,023 Three, four. 484 00:18:29,781 --> 00:18:31,491 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is this for John? 485 00:18:31,658 --> 00:18:32,784 Yeah, I heard he's in makeup. 486 00:18:32,951 --> 00:18:34,577 Do you like being yelled at or something? 487 00:18:34,744 --> 00:18:35,787 Here, I've got you. 488 00:18:35,954 --> 00:18:38,206 Where are you going? 489 00:18:49,676 --> 00:18:52,595 Jimmy, do not bet on that hand, please. 490 00:18:57,392 --> 00:18:58,810 Can you hold the door? 491 00:19:00,186 --> 00:19:01,479 Yeah, I think so. 492 00:19:01,813 --> 00:19:02,647 Ooh. 493 00:19:02,647 --> 00:19:04,774 - Easy on the macaroni, Carmine. -All right. 494 00:19:04,774 --> 00:19:06,609 You don't want to hurt your stomach. 495 00:19:06,609 --> 00:19:07,694 All right, Rosie. 496 00:19:12,448 --> 00:19:14,617 There he is... 497 00:19:14,784 --> 00:19:17,203 the star of the show. 498 00:19:17,370 --> 00:19:19,998 Come on, Rosie. Not the fucking bees! 499 00:19:21,207 --> 00:19:23,918 I'm not a dashboard ornament. 500 00:19:24,085 --> 00:19:27,547 No, you're adorable, is what you are... 501 00:19:28,006 --> 00:19:31,759 and all that fur, every girl's gonna want to squeeze you. 502 00:19:32,468 --> 00:19:35,346 I am a trained professional. 503 00:19:36,014 --> 00:19:38,141 Well, you better watch where you point that stinger. 504 00:19:38,641 --> 00:19:41,477 Come on. You want a little cig? 505 00:19:42,854 --> 00:19:46,399 What happened to my reporter costume? Blaine Hotel? 506 00:19:46,566 --> 00:19:47,692 It's a five-second changeover 507 00:19:47,692 --> 00:19:49,193 from the reporter to ancient Greece, okay? 508 00:19:49,360 --> 00:19:51,571 Lorne didn't think you'd have time to get into your toga. 509 00:19:52,322 --> 00:19:53,323 Okay. 510 00:19:58,494 --> 00:20:00,538 Excuse me, ma'am. 511 00:20:00,705 --> 00:20:01,748 Don't be alarmed. 512 00:20:01,915 --> 00:20:05,293 You're dealing with a fully-qualified male strumpet. 513 00:20:05,460 --> 00:20:07,837 Hey, Rosie, I got the latest version of New Dad. 514 00:20:08,004 --> 00:20:09,005 Okay. 515 00:20:09,547 --> 00:20:10,673 Behave. 516 00:20:11,132 --> 00:20:12,425 Bee-have. 517 00:20:14,093 --> 00:20:16,471 I can assure you professional hygiene... 518 00:20:17,180 --> 00:20:19,349 discretion, animal gratification... 519 00:20:19,515 --> 00:20:20,516 Listen, strumpet... 520 00:20:20,683 --> 00:20:22,644 It's Fred Garvin. Male prostitute. 521 00:20:22,810 --> 00:20:24,145 How much is this gonna cost me? 522 00:20:24,312 --> 00:20:25,980 Hey, need you in costumes. 523 00:20:26,147 --> 00:20:28,399 I told them to make those hot pants extra hot. 524 00:20:28,566 --> 00:20:29,609 Yummy. 525 00:20:29,776 --> 00:20:31,945 Lorne, we're gonna go check out the cut on New Dad, 526 00:20:31,945 --> 00:20:33,029 you want to see? 527 00:20:35,657 --> 00:20:38,326 Holy shit, holy shit. Sorry, Lorne. Jesus. 528 00:20:38,534 --> 00:20:39,869 Hey, I heard John doesn't like the bee costume. 529 00:20:39,869 --> 00:20:40,954 You know anything about this? 530 00:20:41,120 --> 00:20:42,956 It's not a costume problem. He thinks he's Brando. 531 00:20:43,122 --> 00:20:44,207 - He's better than Brando. - Lorne, Lorne. 532 00:20:44,207 --> 00:20:45,416 I'm working on it, Dick. 533 00:20:45,416 --> 00:20:47,418 He's better than Brando. He's more important even. 534 00:20:47,418 --> 00:20:49,462 - He'll be studied. - They will study his liver. 535 00:20:49,462 --> 00:20:51,464 John is better when he's angry. 536 00:20:51,464 --> 00:20:53,049 Rose, you understand that in an hour, 537 00:20:53,049 --> 00:20:54,175 I owe a television program? 538 00:20:54,175 --> 00:20:55,301 I made a covenant with the National... 539 00:20:55,301 --> 00:20:56,386 - Broadcasting Company. - A covenant, huh? 540 00:20:56,386 --> 00:20:58,554 Yeah, a covenant, and I'm on the hook for 90 minutes... 541 00:20:58,554 --> 00:21:00,556 - of live television. - Okay, Abraham. 542 00:21:02,225 --> 00:21:05,561 Rose, must you turn him into a bee? 543 00:21:05,728 --> 00:21:06,938 I am not turning him into a bee. 544 00:21:06,938 --> 00:21:08,022 Thanks, Tom. 545 00:21:08,022 --> 00:21:10,233 He is a man in a bee costume. 546 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:11,693 - There is a difference. - Hmm. 547 00:21:12,652 --> 00:21:14,696 It's an image you can't get out of your head. 548 00:21:14,862 --> 00:21:18,616 It's postmodern, it's Warhol, it's iconic. 549 00:21:18,616 --> 00:21:19,867 Mmm-hmm. 550 00:21:19,867 --> 00:21:21,202 Where do these ideas even come from? 551 00:21:21,369 --> 00:21:23,997 I just send an imaginary dog to fetch an imaginary stick. 552 00:21:24,163 --> 00:21:25,498 Yeah? Must be some dog. 553 00:21:25,665 --> 00:21:27,375 He's very well trained. 554 00:21:27,875 --> 00:21:28,960 Honey, I'm home. 555 00:21:29,127 --> 00:21:30,211 Hey, pal. 556 00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:32,547 Hey. 557 00:21:32,547 --> 00:21:33,631 How are ya? 558 00:21:33,631 --> 00:21:35,550 Looks like Chevy's fiancée slipped and fell 559 00:21:35,550 --> 00:21:36,801 into another segment. 560 00:21:36,801 --> 00:21:39,095 Jacqueline's gonna be hosting the show if you're not careful. 561 00:21:39,262 --> 00:21:40,304 Jesus Christ. 562 00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:42,306 A wonderful family. 563 00:21:42,473 --> 00:21:43,641 Everything you need... 564 00:21:43,641 --> 00:21:44,600 ...for the future. 565 00:21:45,184 --> 00:21:46,561 - Danny's good in this. - Yeah, he is. 566 00:21:46,728 --> 00:21:49,731 What if you were suddenly out of the picture? 567 00:21:49,897 --> 00:21:51,691 Can we add sound there over the X? 568 00:21:51,858 --> 00:21:54,193 -Like a buzzer? - No, funny, like a bell. 569 00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:55,445 Good call. 570 00:21:55,987 --> 00:21:57,363 And if we could hold on the photo 571 00:21:57,363 --> 00:21:58,656 for another eight frames. 572 00:21:58,656 --> 00:21:59,991 Um, 16 frames. 573 00:22:02,577 --> 00:22:03,786 Were you... 574 00:22:05,079 --> 00:22:07,206 thinking of going home with him tonight? 575 00:22:07,832 --> 00:22:09,042 With Danny? Tonight? 576 00:22:09,459 --> 00:22:10,626 Yeah. I mean, I'm not suggesting that you weren't gonna tell me. 577 00:22:10,626 --> 00:22:11,711 If you need alone time, I can, I just... 578 00:22:11,711 --> 00:22:12,962 No, no, no. I just didn't know, like, if you were... 579 00:22:12,962 --> 00:22:14,881 It's opening night. So, I figured that it wasn't 580 00:22:14,881 --> 00:22:16,382 - the right time. - I mean, neither did I. 581 00:22:16,549 --> 00:22:17,717 Well, then why are you asking? 582 00:22:17,884 --> 00:22:19,802 Just avoiding surprises, Rose. 583 00:22:19,969 --> 00:22:21,804 - But you love surprises. - I love surprises. 584 00:22:21,971 --> 00:22:24,140 Like Anne Frank loved her drum set. 585 00:22:24,140 --> 00:22:26,267 Don't encourage her. 586 00:22:27,143 --> 00:22:28,144 Can you hold on the photo 587 00:22:28,144 --> 00:22:29,353 for another eight frames, please? 588 00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:30,521 It's always eight frames. 589 00:22:30,688 --> 00:22:32,690 Eight frames is a beat. So... 590 00:22:34,776 --> 00:22:36,569 Can you believe I need to cut an hour of the show? 591 00:22:36,736 --> 00:22:39,072 NBC doesn't want a three-hour sketch comedy review? 592 00:22:39,238 --> 00:22:40,948 Jesus, Rose, don't call it that, please. 593 00:22:41,115 --> 00:22:42,617 Well, what is it, then? 594 00:22:42,784 --> 00:22:44,035 Honey, I'm home. 595 00:22:44,202 --> 00:22:46,204 Yes, it's New Dad. 596 00:22:46,370 --> 00:22:47,830 I spent years collecting orphaned comedians 597 00:22:47,830 --> 00:22:48,915 off the street. 598 00:22:49,082 --> 00:22:50,208 I know. 599 00:22:50,374 --> 00:22:52,251 They sleep on our dinette and they whiz in our sink. 600 00:22:52,418 --> 00:22:53,586 By some miraculous accident... 601 00:22:53,753 --> 00:22:55,171 I found a place to call home 602 00:22:55,171 --> 00:22:56,672 for our little circus of rejects, 603 00:22:56,672 --> 00:22:58,091 on national television. 604 00:22:58,257 --> 00:22:59,717 Rose, this is our shot. 605 00:22:59,884 --> 00:23:01,344 It's a shot. 606 00:23:01,511 --> 00:23:02,512 Rose... 607 00:23:05,014 --> 00:23:06,224 You're actually nervous. 608 00:23:10,978 --> 00:23:11,979 Oh, uh... 609 00:23:12,688 --> 00:23:14,524 Barbara was asking about, um... 610 00:23:15,149 --> 00:23:18,319 your credit... on the show. 611 00:23:18,486 --> 00:23:20,321 I figured you'd go with Michaels. 612 00:23:20,488 --> 00:23:21,697 Is that what you want? 613 00:23:24,033 --> 00:23:26,869 I mean, you know, we're married and you're my wife. 614 00:23:27,036 --> 00:23:29,372 I figured it's the straightest line. 615 00:23:29,539 --> 00:23:31,457 Lorne, we're married, but I'm not your wife. 616 00:23:31,624 --> 00:23:33,709 Yeah, I don't think that'll fit on a crawl. 617 00:23:33,876 --> 00:23:35,378 Well, what would you prefer? 618 00:23:39,048 --> 00:23:40,383 Lorne, Lorne, NBC execs 619 00:23:40,383 --> 00:23:41,801 are waiting in the green room for you. 620 00:23:42,009 --> 00:23:43,886 - Fuck. - VTR needed this yesterday. 621 00:23:44,053 --> 00:23:45,221 Well, it looks great. 622 00:23:47,431 --> 00:23:50,017 - Tom, Al, what's this about? -Hey, Lorne. 623 00:23:50,184 --> 00:23:52,145 - A last-minute piece. - Just in case you need it. 624 00:23:52,311 --> 00:23:53,437 I don't. What's the gag? 625 00:23:53,604 --> 00:23:55,898 We're gonna dress Aykroyd up as Julia Childs. 626 00:23:56,065 --> 00:23:57,525 - America's favorite chef. - Okay. 627 00:23:57,692 --> 00:23:59,652 And right as she's carvin' up a turkey on live television... 628 00:23:59,819 --> 00:24:01,863 She slices open an artery. Blood everywhere. 629 00:24:02,029 --> 00:24:03,197 Everywhere. 630 00:24:04,949 --> 00:24:05,950 That's the whole pitch? 631 00:24:06,117 --> 00:24:07,118 Yeah, just America's favorite chef 632 00:24:07,118 --> 00:24:08,202 painting the walls with her insides. 633 00:24:08,202 --> 00:24:09,287 Total gore fest. 634 00:24:09,287 --> 00:24:10,663 It's gonna be utter carnage, boss. 635 00:24:10,663 --> 00:24:12,665 Oh, no, I'm Julia Childs 636 00:24:12,665 --> 00:24:14,876 and I've cut the dickens out of my finger. 637 00:24:14,876 --> 00:24:16,127 - Sounds promising. - Wait, wait, boss. 638 00:24:16,127 --> 00:24:17,253 I didn't even get to the good part yet. 639 00:24:17,253 --> 00:24:18,337 Just put down a tarp. 640 00:24:18,337 --> 00:24:19,881 Yeah, he doesn't like the Julia Childs bit. 641 00:24:19,881 --> 00:24:21,299 Uh, George... 642 00:24:23,426 --> 00:24:25,386 - How's Carlin? - Warming up the pipes. 643 00:24:25,386 --> 00:24:28,139 Okay, well, heard Belushi hasn't signed his contract yet. 644 00:24:28,139 --> 00:24:29,432 Eh. Formality. 645 00:24:29,432 --> 00:24:31,684 Uh, yeah, well, they're pretty formal here. 646 00:24:31,684 --> 00:24:34,061 Uh, speaking of, the folks in standards are a little uneasy... 647 00:24:34,061 --> 00:24:35,188 about the parody commercial 648 00:24:35,188 --> 00:24:36,689 playing right before the regular ads. 649 00:24:36,689 --> 00:24:38,524 I think they think the viewers might be a little confused. 650 00:24:38,524 --> 00:24:40,526 One might argue that's what makes it humorous, Dick. 651 00:24:40,526 --> 00:24:41,903 Yeah, but, Lorne, at what point are we 652 00:24:41,903 --> 00:24:43,237 not just making fun of the audience? 653 00:24:43,237 --> 00:24:45,072 Hardly. It's commedia dell'arte. If anything, 654 00:24:45,072 --> 00:24:47,158 it'll make the other commercials feel all the more real... 655 00:24:47,325 --> 00:24:49,076 and the sponsors will probably thank you. 656 00:24:49,619 --> 00:24:50,745 Who's in there? Should I be concerned? 657 00:24:50,912 --> 00:24:52,538 No. Just try not to use words 658 00:24:52,538 --> 00:24:54,248 like "underground" or "revolutionary." 659 00:24:54,415 --> 00:24:55,499 I'm not exactly Che Guevara. 660 00:24:55,666 --> 00:24:56,667 Yeah. 661 00:24:58,419 --> 00:24:59,879 What the fuck? There's like a thousand people in there. 662 00:25:00,046 --> 00:25:02,298 Fifty. The affiliates, from across the country. 663 00:25:02,465 --> 00:25:03,549 Lorne, they're excited to see the show. 664 00:25:03,716 --> 00:25:04,800 I don't have time for this, Dick. 665 00:25:04,967 --> 00:25:06,636 Lorne, these are the people that will decide 666 00:25:06,636 --> 00:25:08,179 whether or not we have a hit. 667 00:25:08,346 --> 00:25:11,140 They choose whether we go on the air. We need them. 668 00:25:13,809 --> 00:25:15,394 - Three minutes? - Tops. 669 00:25:17,313 --> 00:25:19,190 Gentlemen. Hello. Lorne Michaels. 670 00:25:19,357 --> 00:25:20,691 Hi. Lorne Michaels. 671 00:25:20,858 --> 00:25:23,152 Hi. Lorne Michaels. Nice to meet you. Pleasure. 672 00:25:23,319 --> 00:25:25,071 Lorne Michaels. This is my show. 673 00:25:25,238 --> 00:25:27,615 Hi, where are we flying in from, gentlemen? Chicago and... 674 00:25:27,782 --> 00:25:29,742 - New Orleans. - New Orleans? Wow. Fantastic. 675 00:25:29,909 --> 00:25:32,370 Well, we're very lucky to have some Southerners here. 676 00:25:32,536 --> 00:25:33,788 Hi. Nice to meet you. 677 00:25:33,955 --> 00:25:36,832 Hi, gentlemen. Lorne Michaels. I'm the creator of the show. 678 00:25:36,999 --> 00:25:39,043 Hi. Wow. Firm handshake. Hi. 679 00:25:39,210 --> 00:25:41,629 I appreciate your support, gentlemen. Thank you. Hello. Hi. 680 00:25:41,796 --> 00:25:43,547 -Tallahassee. - Tallahassee? Wow. 681 00:25:43,714 --> 00:25:45,383 - Ladies and gentlemen. - Hi. 682 00:25:46,884 --> 00:25:47,885 Who am I kidding? Gentlemen... 683 00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:51,806 Can I see that? 684 00:25:52,515 --> 00:25:53,516 Thank you. 685 00:25:54,684 --> 00:25:55,851 Hope this isn't the only thing 686 00:25:55,851 --> 00:25:57,520 getting sucked on this weekend, boys. 687 00:25:58,521 --> 00:26:00,898 Jesus, you guys look like the cast of Godfather 688 00:26:00,898 --> 00:26:02,608 if it was shot in Alabama. 689 00:26:04,443 --> 00:26:06,320 I see some cowboys here. 690 00:26:06,487 --> 00:26:08,239 That's a hell of a 10-gallon hat. 691 00:26:08,406 --> 00:26:10,241 You look like you're ready for a date with a livestock. 692 00:26:12,952 --> 00:26:14,412 Welcome to New York. 693 00:26:14,578 --> 00:26:15,746 It's quite diverse. 694 00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:17,456 If you want to meet Black people, go to Harlem. 695 00:26:17,623 --> 00:26:19,667 If you want to meet Jews, come to our writer's room. 696 00:26:21,502 --> 00:26:23,504 Sir, you look like you're from Ohio. 697 00:26:23,671 --> 00:26:26,340 My favorite thing about Ohio... 698 00:26:29,051 --> 00:26:30,594 Let me introduce you to our head writer... 699 00:26:31,387 --> 00:26:34,223 our prince of darkness, Michael O'Donoghue. 700 00:26:35,016 --> 00:26:37,059 Thank you. Thank you, Chevy. 701 00:26:37,059 --> 00:26:39,812 Um, I'm certain you all know Mr. Rogers. 702 00:26:39,979 --> 00:26:42,189 Perhaps the most kind and gentle man 703 00:26:42,189 --> 00:26:43,399 in all of television. 704 00:26:43,566 --> 00:26:47,069 This is my impression of Mr. Rogers... 705 00:26:47,236 --> 00:26:50,406 plunging 18-inch steel sewing needles... 706 00:26:50,573 --> 00:26:51,574 into his eyes. 707 00:27:04,628 --> 00:27:06,797 Okay. Okay. Thank you, Michael. 708 00:27:06,797 --> 00:27:07,840 Um... 709 00:27:08,132 --> 00:27:10,301 Well, now you know why they put us on at midnight. 710 00:27:10,301 --> 00:27:11,344 Um... 711 00:27:13,888 --> 00:27:15,765 Uh, hello, everybody, my name is Lorne Michaels. 712 00:27:15,931 --> 00:27:19,727 I'm the producer and creator of Saturday Night. 713 00:27:21,687 --> 00:27:23,397 We have a wonderful show for you this evening. 714 00:27:23,564 --> 00:27:26,650 George Carlin, the great Billy Preston... 715 00:27:27,777 --> 00:27:28,903 a film by Albert Brooks. 716 00:27:29,362 --> 00:27:31,530 Jim Henson's Muppets. 717 00:27:32,531 --> 00:27:35,159 We're, uh, excited for tonight. 718 00:27:35,743 --> 00:27:36,952 Uh... 719 00:27:36,952 --> 00:27:39,330 Because there's never been a television show... 720 00:27:39,497 --> 00:27:42,708 made for or by the generation... 721 00:27:42,875 --> 00:27:45,669 that grew up watching television. So... 722 00:27:48,839 --> 00:27:52,593 In the words of my dear friend Che Guevara... 723 00:27:53,094 --> 00:27:54,970 this is the revolution. 724 00:27:54,970 --> 00:27:56,055 Yes. Yes. 725 00:27:57,598 --> 00:27:58,808 Who's with us? 726 00:27:58,974 --> 00:28:00,309 Heads on pikes! 727 00:28:00,976 --> 00:28:03,562 Blood will run in the streets! 728 00:28:05,064 --> 00:28:06,357 Gentlemen, behold... 729 00:28:06,982 --> 00:28:08,150 if you listen closely, you can hear... 730 00:28:08,317 --> 00:28:10,694 Buffalo Bob shuckin' the cob with Howdy Doody. 731 00:28:10,861 --> 00:28:11,946 Lorne can get a little passionate. 732 00:28:11,946 --> 00:28:13,406 And so can Chevy. 733 00:28:13,781 --> 00:28:14,907 - Blood in the streets? - Yeah. 734 00:28:15,074 --> 00:28:16,742 - Well, that sounds delightful. - Mmm-hmm 735 00:28:16,909 --> 00:28:19,245 How much are we spending on this insurrection? 736 00:28:19,245 --> 00:28:21,497 Uh, about 250 an episode. 737 00:28:21,664 --> 00:28:23,707 Well, I guess revolutions aren't cheap. 738 00:28:23,707 --> 00:28:24,792 Right. 739 00:28:24,959 --> 00:28:27,378 What is this? Absolutely not. 740 00:28:27,545 --> 00:28:29,547 No. No, no, no. We're not gonna beg for their approval. 741 00:28:29,547 --> 00:28:30,673 No, take it down, we don't need this. 742 00:28:30,673 --> 00:28:31,757 Well, you know... 743 00:28:31,757 --> 00:28:33,300 Lorne Michaels is a special bird, you know. 744 00:28:33,300 --> 00:28:34,385 He believes in his vision. 745 00:28:35,219 --> 00:28:36,804 Well, that's nice. 746 00:28:37,721 --> 00:28:38,556 Mmm... 747 00:28:39,974 --> 00:28:41,392 And he doesn't really bend. 748 00:28:43,185 --> 00:28:45,354 We know how that story goes. 749 00:28:46,605 --> 00:28:48,357 Mmm-hmm. 750 00:28:49,650 --> 00:28:51,777 Des Moines. How'd you escape? 751 00:28:51,944 --> 00:28:53,696 Well, I appreciate you saying that. 752 00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:56,699 My father had good taste and my mom was an alcoholic. 753 00:28:56,866 --> 00:29:00,453 Excuse me, gentlemen. Can I borrow him for a moment? 754 00:29:00,870 --> 00:29:02,329 Enjoy the show, gentlemen. 755 00:29:03,456 --> 00:29:05,040 You held that room like a pro. 756 00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:07,084 - Thank you. - I mean it. 757 00:29:07,501 --> 00:29:09,545 I'm Dave Tebet, head of talent. 758 00:29:09,712 --> 00:29:11,755 You know, I handle The Tonight Show. 759 00:29:12,089 --> 00:29:13,340 I didn't know that. 760 00:29:14,300 --> 00:29:15,301 Between us... 761 00:29:15,468 --> 00:29:17,761 Johnny Carson isn't gonna be around forever. 762 00:29:19,346 --> 00:29:20,514 Think about it. 763 00:29:22,308 --> 00:29:24,477 You're a handsome, funny gentile. 764 00:29:26,562 --> 00:29:27,897 That means something. 765 00:29:40,075 --> 00:29:42,328 Uh, Lorne, you remember Dave Tebet. 766 00:29:43,078 --> 00:29:44,121 Oh, of course. 767 00:29:44,288 --> 00:29:45,456 I remember everyone who gives me a job, Dick. 768 00:29:45,623 --> 00:29:46,790 Smart kid. 769 00:29:46,957 --> 00:29:48,501 Quite a lineup this evening. 770 00:29:48,667 --> 00:29:50,211 You know, while I have you, I do understand 771 00:29:50,211 --> 00:29:51,629 that we are bending some of the rules... 772 00:29:51,795 --> 00:29:54,089 Lorne, this is NBC. There is a way things are done. 773 00:29:54,256 --> 00:29:55,633 - The Peacock way. - Right. 774 00:29:55,799 --> 00:29:56,842 Well, we are thinking a little differently. 775 00:29:56,842 --> 00:29:57,927 We just, you know... 776 00:29:57,927 --> 00:29:59,261 You know, maybe an emu. 777 00:29:59,261 --> 00:30:00,387 Hey, that's... Well, I just... 778 00:30:00,554 --> 00:30:01,597 Dick, shut the fuck up. 779 00:30:03,390 --> 00:30:06,727 Can't you see talent when it's standing inches from your face? 780 00:30:06,727 --> 00:30:08,354 -Mmm-hmm. - What do you think he's gonna do? 781 00:30:08,521 --> 00:30:10,773 Embarrass us with some half-assed, 782 00:30:10,773 --> 00:30:12,274 rat-fuck donkey show? 783 00:30:12,441 --> 00:30:14,026 Frankly, that's exactly what I signed up for. 784 00:30:14,193 --> 00:30:15,903 - Michael. - I expect you... 785 00:30:16,070 --> 00:30:19,615 to be an unbending force of seismic disturbance. 786 00:30:19,990 --> 00:30:23,702 Light up that NBC switchboard like a bomb went off. 787 00:30:23,702 --> 00:30:26,247 Well, I promise not to play the music too loud. 788 00:30:26,247 --> 00:30:29,500 Oh, fuck that. This isn't the Moose Jaw Jazz Festival. 789 00:30:29,667 --> 00:30:30,834 It's Saturday fucking Night. 790 00:30:31,001 --> 00:30:33,003 I want you to be thunderous and deafening. 791 00:30:33,170 --> 00:30:35,965 If my ears don't bleed, I'll be asking for a refund. 792 00:30:36,131 --> 00:30:37,925 Great. I mean, I've always seen this 793 00:30:37,925 --> 00:30:39,051 as a collision that erupts... 794 00:30:39,218 --> 00:30:40,719 - from every screen in America. - Yes. Yes. 795 00:30:40,886 --> 00:30:43,222 A prism that captures the light of an emerging generation. 796 00:30:43,389 --> 00:30:45,516 Stop! Don't say another word. 797 00:30:45,683 --> 00:30:49,144 Don't question another instinct. 798 00:30:49,645 --> 00:30:50,980 - Ebersol? - Yes? 799 00:30:51,855 --> 00:30:54,316 We're standing in the presence of a prophet. 800 00:30:54,483 --> 00:30:55,484 Yeah, he certainly talks like a... 801 00:30:55,651 --> 00:30:58,737 A man with a vision. 802 00:30:59,154 --> 00:31:01,323 And I want you to take that vision... 803 00:31:01,824 --> 00:31:03,450 like a Sherman Tank... 804 00:31:03,617 --> 00:31:07,037 and plow through any fuck that gets in your way. 805 00:31:07,204 --> 00:31:08,581 Even me. 806 00:31:09,915 --> 00:31:12,626 "Use emotion for the many and reserve reason for the few." 807 00:31:13,043 --> 00:31:14,128 I like that. 808 00:31:14,712 --> 00:31:16,422 I'm putting it on my wall. 809 00:31:19,508 --> 00:31:21,010 Was that a Hitler quote? 810 00:31:21,010 --> 00:31:22,678 Atrocities aside, the man was a wordsmith. 811 00:31:22,678 --> 00:31:24,179 You missed a call from Johnny Carson. 812 00:31:24,179 --> 00:31:25,431 I picked up the phone 'cause it was ringing. 813 00:31:25,431 --> 00:31:26,515 What did you tell him? 814 00:31:26,515 --> 00:31:28,267 I told... I don't remember. He hung up on me. 815 00:31:28,267 --> 00:31:29,685 Lorne, Lorne. Is that a bunk bed? 816 00:31:29,685 --> 00:31:31,186 I did have a UFO encounter experience once. 817 00:31:31,353 --> 00:31:32,354 Danny ordered it for his office. 818 00:31:32,521 --> 00:31:34,690 That's confidence. Can you find me something to eat? 819 00:31:34,857 --> 00:31:36,942 Neil, why would he order a bunk bed? 820 00:31:38,527 --> 00:31:39,903 Could you get that hippie shit out of my face? 821 00:31:39,903 --> 00:31:41,447 And I am actually very strong. 822 00:31:41,447 --> 00:31:42,531 Thinking that he can do the voice? 823 00:31:42,531 --> 00:31:44,283 - It's Aykroyd. Of course he can. - It's Aykroyd. 824 00:31:44,283 --> 00:31:45,409 But that doesn't necessarily mean anything. 825 00:31:45,576 --> 00:31:46,577 Hello, boys. 826 00:31:46,744 --> 00:31:48,370 - Hey, Mike. Are you nervous? - Hey, Mike. 827 00:31:48,537 --> 00:31:50,289 - Nervous about what? - Performing on live TV. 828 00:31:50,456 --> 00:31:51,665 I'd be shitting bricks. 829 00:31:51,832 --> 00:31:55,461 Television is merely a lava lamp with slightly better audio. 830 00:31:56,128 --> 00:31:58,172 Colored beads to fascinate the animal. 831 00:31:58,339 --> 00:31:59,965 I could do it in a narcoleptic coma. 832 00:32:00,132 --> 00:32:02,134 Hello, Herb. How's Update coming? 833 00:32:02,301 --> 00:32:04,720 South Vietnam has seized and burned 834 00:32:04,720 --> 00:32:06,972 100,000 Playboy magazines. 835 00:32:07,139 --> 00:32:08,432 I'm still working on the punch line. 836 00:32:09,850 --> 00:32:12,728 For miles, all anyone could smell was roast bunny. 837 00:32:14,605 --> 00:32:17,691 That's the one. Grab it, boys. We need that couch. 838 00:32:18,609 --> 00:32:20,027 - Rise and shine. - Oh, God. 839 00:32:20,653 --> 00:32:22,196 - Coming through, coming through. - Whoo! Okay. 840 00:32:23,656 --> 00:32:24,740 Oh, pages. 841 00:32:24,740 --> 00:32:25,824 - Watch your back. -Coming through. 842 00:32:25,824 --> 00:32:27,826 Oh. Here we are. 843 00:32:29,870 --> 00:32:30,996 You all right there, Chev? 844 00:32:32,498 --> 00:32:33,707 Things are... 845 00:32:34,500 --> 00:32:35,834 kooper kippy, Herb. 846 00:32:36,502 --> 00:32:37,795 I think it just happened. 847 00:32:37,961 --> 00:32:40,130 Think I got the old shoulder tap. 848 00:32:41,215 --> 00:32:42,424 - The what? - You know... 849 00:32:43,092 --> 00:32:44,593 from the guys upstairs. 850 00:32:45,803 --> 00:32:48,263 What's gonna happen to me? I mean, Herb... 851 00:32:49,515 --> 00:32:52,601 you've been around the block. Where am I going from here? 852 00:32:52,768 --> 00:32:53,852 Well, I don't know, Chevy. 853 00:32:54,228 --> 00:32:55,896 I never got a shoulder tap. 854 00:32:56,647 --> 00:32:58,190 I just made a fortune... 855 00:32:58,357 --> 00:33:00,192 and won a few Emmys... 856 00:33:00,359 --> 00:33:01,527 and slept with Gloria Steinem. 857 00:33:01,985 --> 00:33:02,986 Two out of three ain't bad. 858 00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:04,321 Here we are. 859 00:33:04,905 --> 00:33:06,490 Oh, wow, you're in so many scenes. 860 00:33:06,657 --> 00:33:10,202 Well... Yeah, but I'm always everyone's kid sister. 861 00:33:10,369 --> 00:33:11,370 You're the hot one. 862 00:33:11,537 --> 00:33:13,122 I think Jane's the hot one. 863 00:33:13,288 --> 00:33:16,458 No, I'm the mom. The still-fuckable mom. 864 00:33:18,210 --> 00:33:20,129 My instinct is that the American people 865 00:33:20,129 --> 00:33:22,089 are gonna fall in love with you. 866 00:33:22,756 --> 00:33:26,343 You'll be obscenely overpaid for pratfalls and cute jokes. 867 00:33:26,510 --> 00:33:28,554 You'll waste away most of your life... 868 00:33:29,221 --> 00:33:31,014 with purchased company. 869 00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:33,225 And then eventually you'll self-medicate... 870 00:33:33,392 --> 00:33:36,228 with booze and hookers and heroin. 871 00:33:37,020 --> 00:33:38,814 I imagine you'll die alone. 872 00:33:39,815 --> 00:33:41,984 Falling out of a hotel room window in Stockholm. 873 00:33:42,151 --> 00:33:43,152 Jesus. 874 00:33:44,027 --> 00:33:45,028 I can't wait. 875 00:33:45,529 --> 00:33:47,156 Well, you're everyone's favorite, Gilda. 876 00:33:47,448 --> 00:33:49,658 I'm just a bagel looking for lox. 877 00:33:49,825 --> 00:33:52,745 I'm a parrot with nothing to squawk. 878 00:33:52,911 --> 00:33:54,121 Well, I keep feeling like any minute, 879 00:33:54,121 --> 00:33:56,081 Lorne's just gonna ship me back. 880 00:33:56,081 --> 00:33:58,917 Oh. No. On this budget, we can't afford the postage. 881 00:33:59,084 --> 00:34:00,252 There's a reason you're here. 882 00:34:00,252 --> 00:34:01,670 You may not know it, but Lorne does. 883 00:34:01,670 --> 00:34:03,297 - Oh, God! - You're dealing here with... 884 00:34:03,297 --> 00:34:04,798 a fully-qualified male strumpet. 885 00:34:04,965 --> 00:34:06,508 I'm not a prop, mister. 886 00:34:06,675 --> 00:34:08,844 You know, I can assure you professional hygiene... 887 00:34:09,344 --> 00:34:12,097 discretion, animal gratification. 888 00:34:12,264 --> 00:34:14,516 Why don't you assure me a little peace and quiet? 889 00:34:14,683 --> 00:34:15,684 You rang? 890 00:34:15,851 --> 00:34:17,478 Yeah. I need the Muppet pages. 891 00:34:17,644 --> 00:34:18,896 I already turned in that one script. 892 00:34:19,062 --> 00:34:20,272 Was Henson uncomfortable 893 00:34:20,272 --> 00:34:22,024 with the Muppets on a plantation? 894 00:34:22,024 --> 00:34:23,108 It was a musical number. 895 00:34:23,108 --> 00:34:24,485 I don't think that's the problem. 896 00:34:25,277 --> 00:34:27,654 I just can't write for those little hairy facecloths. 897 00:34:27,821 --> 00:34:28,822 Well, I need something for Henson. 898 00:34:28,822 --> 00:34:29,990 We go live in an hour. 899 00:34:30,574 --> 00:34:33,577 You cannot say "horny" on NBC. 900 00:34:34,119 --> 00:34:35,829 Did you see what that evangelical cunt 901 00:34:35,829 --> 00:34:37,122 did to our pages? 902 00:34:40,667 --> 00:34:41,960 I'll be right back. 903 00:34:42,127 --> 00:34:44,129 So you want us to say sexy instead of horny? 904 00:34:44,296 --> 00:34:45,589 And sexy and horny just don't mean the same thing. 905 00:34:45,756 --> 00:34:47,674 I struggle to see the difference. 906 00:34:47,841 --> 00:34:50,052 Well, if a dog is humping your leg, it's horny. 907 00:34:50,219 --> 00:34:51,345 It's certainly not sexy. 908 00:34:51,512 --> 00:34:53,096 What on earth are you doing? 909 00:34:54,723 --> 00:34:57,851 I'd rather butt-fuck cancer than make these changes. 910 00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:09,112 Your words don't scare me, Mr. O'Donoghue. 911 00:35:09,279 --> 00:35:11,406 I am a woman of God. 912 00:35:11,573 --> 00:35:14,368 I'd heard that God's love is blind. Now I know why. 913 00:35:14,368 --> 00:35:16,036 You see this? 914 00:35:16,245 --> 00:35:17,246 I do. 915 00:35:17,412 --> 00:35:20,249 I know it looks like an ordinary red marker... 916 00:35:20,415 --> 00:35:22,209 but this one is special. 917 00:35:22,376 --> 00:35:25,504 It has kept America safe for the better part of a decade. 918 00:35:25,671 --> 00:35:26,672 It is a weapon... 919 00:35:26,839 --> 00:35:29,675 against vulgarity, sex... 920 00:35:29,842 --> 00:35:33,136 communism, and hedonism. 921 00:35:33,345 --> 00:35:37,599 Oh. What about violence? Does it protect America from violence? 922 00:35:37,766 --> 00:35:38,809 Yes, that too. 923 00:35:38,976 --> 00:35:40,519 How about infanticide? 924 00:35:41,144 --> 00:35:42,145 Excuse me? 925 00:35:42,312 --> 00:35:43,730 Apologies. Just a... 926 00:35:44,147 --> 00:35:46,775 $2 word for a parent who kills their own child. 927 00:35:48,777 --> 00:35:50,404 The mere thought makes me nauseous. 928 00:35:50,404 --> 00:35:52,322 Oh, understandably. Me too, by the way. 929 00:35:52,322 --> 00:35:53,824 It's just I had this idea for a sketch, 930 00:35:53,824 --> 00:35:54,950 and I'm not sure if it's funny. 931 00:35:54,950 --> 00:35:56,034 You can be the judge. 932 00:35:56,201 --> 00:35:57,327 It's about this... 933 00:35:57,870 --> 00:35:59,079 powerful, temperamental guy 934 00:35:59,079 --> 00:36:00,956 who rapes this virgin in the middle of the night. 935 00:36:00,956 --> 00:36:02,124 I know, awful. 936 00:36:02,291 --> 00:36:04,334 Knocks her up without ever saying "Hello..." 937 00:36:04,501 --> 00:36:05,878 buying her flowers, whatever. 938 00:36:05,878 --> 00:36:07,421 And then... 939 00:36:07,588 --> 00:36:08,755 here's the funny part. 940 00:36:09,256 --> 00:36:10,841 He has their bastard son... 941 00:36:11,008 --> 00:36:13,802 publicly mutilated and tortured to death on a cross. 942 00:36:16,138 --> 00:36:18,223 You are a vile human. 943 00:36:18,932 --> 00:36:20,434 Ah, fuck. You've heard this before. 944 00:36:22,644 --> 00:36:23,645 Mr. O'Donoghue. 945 00:36:23,812 --> 00:36:26,481 Are we still being formal? Please, just call me Satan. 946 00:36:26,481 --> 00:36:27,566 No, I am Satan. 947 00:36:28,108 --> 00:36:29,526 - I am Satan. - I am Satan. 948 00:36:29,693 --> 00:36:30,903 - I am Satan. - I'm Satan. 949 00:36:31,069 --> 00:36:32,446 -No. I am Satan. -We're Satan. 950 00:36:32,613 --> 00:36:36,909 You will be forgotten. I am gonna make sure of it. 951 00:36:37,534 --> 00:36:38,827 Bye. 952 00:36:41,455 --> 00:36:42,664 Are you out of your mind? 953 00:36:42,664 --> 00:36:44,166 Look, for better or worse, I call it like I see it. 954 00:36:44,166 --> 00:36:45,292 Well, that was worse. 955 00:36:45,292 --> 00:36:46,543 Lorne, they need you at the loading dock. 956 00:36:46,543 --> 00:36:47,628 I'm sure someone can sign for whatever. 957 00:36:47,628 --> 00:36:48,712 You're back on the Muppets. 958 00:36:48,712 --> 00:36:50,213 -Fuck you, I'll quit. - Yeah, I doubt that. 959 00:36:50,213 --> 00:36:51,381 It's Leo. He's been fighting 960 00:36:51,381 --> 00:36:52,674 with security, and there's blood. 961 00:36:53,216 --> 00:36:54,635 Oh, my God. Dick. 962 00:36:55,052 --> 00:36:56,053 Oh, shit. 963 00:37:00,057 --> 00:37:00,891 Ah! 964 00:37:00,891 --> 00:37:03,101 - Hey! - Hey, Dick. Is this turkey? 965 00:37:03,101 --> 00:37:04,728 -While I have... - There wasn't a sign, so I... 966 00:37:04,728 --> 00:37:05,812 - Great. - Lorne, Lorne. 967 00:37:05,812 --> 00:37:06,855 While I have you... 968 00:37:06,855 --> 00:37:09,107 Uh, I know you always want to be on the cutting edge. 969 00:37:09,608 --> 00:37:10,609 Check this out. 970 00:37:11,193 --> 00:37:12,361 Polaroid. 971 00:37:14,529 --> 00:37:15,530 Okay. 972 00:37:16,698 --> 00:37:18,867 Uh, we can have the actors demo it live. 973 00:37:19,034 --> 00:37:21,453 Write it into sketches, do live commercials. 974 00:37:21,620 --> 00:37:23,038 Funny ones. The payout is bonkers. 975 00:37:23,205 --> 00:37:24,998 Dick, the cast didn't sign up to do live commercials. 976 00:37:25,207 --> 00:37:26,208 Neither did I. 977 00:37:26,375 --> 00:37:28,335 Some of the cast might find that very unseemly. 978 00:37:28,335 --> 00:37:29,795 I completely understand. 979 00:37:29,795 --> 00:37:31,797 But television's driven by advertising. 980 00:37:31,797 --> 00:37:33,256 It's what makes the motor run. 981 00:37:33,256 --> 00:37:34,591 It's really not a big deal at all. 982 00:37:34,591 --> 00:37:36,259 Just please don't show this to the talent. 983 00:37:36,259 --> 00:37:37,636 I don't want them thinking 984 00:37:37,636 --> 00:37:38,929 they're back on the Kraft Macaroni Hour. 985 00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:41,598 You know, what, are we going kayaking? What is this? 986 00:37:42,307 --> 00:37:43,600 Lorne, we're over budget. 987 00:37:44,226 --> 00:37:45,268 Dick, you don't need to tell me that. 988 00:37:45,435 --> 00:37:46,687 Someone needs to tell you that. 989 00:37:46,687 --> 00:37:48,021 We don't even know what the show is yet. 990 00:37:48,021 --> 00:37:49,564 How could we possibly know the budget? 991 00:37:49,564 --> 00:37:50,649 That's true. That's a good point. 992 00:37:50,649 --> 00:37:51,775 Neil, please. 993 00:37:51,775 --> 00:37:53,276 If we don't know what the show is, 994 00:37:53,276 --> 00:37:54,820 Lorne, what the fuck are we doing here? 995 00:37:54,987 --> 00:37:56,613 I know the ingredients. 996 00:37:57,406 --> 00:37:58,448 Just not the amounts. 997 00:37:58,448 --> 00:37:59,533 Lorne, what does that mean? 998 00:37:59,700 --> 00:38:01,410 We just have to make it to 11:30. 999 00:38:01,410 --> 00:38:03,078 Hey! 1000 00:38:03,078 --> 00:38:04,538 Ah! 1001 00:38:04,538 --> 00:38:05,789 Fuck! You fascist. 1002 00:38:05,956 --> 00:38:07,958 - You want to lose your job? - You want to lose your teeth? 1003 00:38:07,958 --> 00:38:09,668 I'm the producer of NBC'S Saturday Night 1004 00:38:09,668 --> 00:38:11,253 and you just hit a man with a Tony. 1005 00:38:11,253 --> 00:38:13,338 - I've hit plenty of Tony's. - All right. Hey, that's enough. 1006 00:38:13,755 --> 00:38:16,174 Tell your friends, no deliveries after 6:00 p.m. 1007 00:38:16,425 --> 00:38:18,260 -Shove it up your ass. -Fuck you. 1008 00:38:18,260 --> 00:38:19,720 All right. Keep going with the bricks. 1009 00:38:19,720 --> 00:38:21,430 You took that punch like a champ. 1010 00:38:21,430 --> 00:38:22,848 I'm actually not sure you're supposed 1011 00:38:22,848 --> 00:38:24,349 to be pinching the bottom of the nostrils. 1012 00:38:24,349 --> 00:38:25,434 If you pinch a little higher... 1013 00:38:25,434 --> 00:38:28,520 Hey, guys, I'm so sorry. Am I missing something? 1014 00:38:28,687 --> 00:38:30,981 Why are we using real brick? Can't we just roll out linoleum? 1015 00:38:31,148 --> 00:38:33,859 - Hey! Fuck you! - Okay. Jesus. Just relax. 1016 00:38:33,859 --> 00:38:35,777 Dick, our vision for home base is a street corner... 1017 00:38:35,777 --> 00:38:37,738 with all the grit and texture of New York City. 1018 00:38:37,738 --> 00:38:39,906 Yeah, okay. I mean, are we gonna use real blood and vomit, too? 1019 00:38:39,906 --> 00:38:41,033 I'll give you some real fucking blood. 1020 00:38:41,033 --> 00:38:42,117 Hey, hey, whoa, no more fighting. 1021 00:38:42,117 --> 00:38:43,452 No more fighting. He doesn't know. 1022 00:38:43,452 --> 00:38:44,661 He doesn't know. It's okay. 1023 00:38:46,997 --> 00:38:48,665 Why are we stopping? 1024 00:38:54,504 --> 00:38:56,256 - Hello, everybody. -Andy. 1025 00:38:56,256 --> 00:38:58,175 What are you... You can't keep wandering off like that. 1026 00:38:58,175 --> 00:38:59,718 I had to go to the bathroom. 1027 00:38:59,718 --> 00:39:00,969 That's very good. That's very good. 1028 00:39:00,969 --> 00:39:02,054 Lorne... 1029 00:39:02,054 --> 00:39:03,055 Barbara, what time do you have? 1030 00:39:03,055 --> 00:39:04,639 Uh, 10:39. 1031 00:39:04,806 --> 00:39:06,183 - Lorne. -Hmm? 1032 00:39:07,225 --> 00:39:08,226 The brick. 1033 00:39:08,685 --> 00:39:09,686 It's... 1034 00:39:14,524 --> 00:39:16,526 It's got its pockets out. It's workmanlike. 1035 00:39:16,693 --> 00:39:18,070 It's honest. 1036 00:39:18,236 --> 00:39:19,905 Dick, it's critical for the success of the show. 1037 00:39:20,072 --> 00:39:22,115 Okay, but what is the show? 1038 00:39:27,788 --> 00:39:29,790 I mean, honestly, Dick, if you don't know by now... 1039 00:39:32,125 --> 00:39:33,627 Chevy Chase. 1040 00:39:34,044 --> 00:39:35,879 Gilda Radner. 1041 00:39:36,338 --> 00:39:37,923 Dan Ayk-a... 1042 00:39:38,090 --> 00:39:40,092 How the fuck do you pronounce this? 1043 00:39:40,258 --> 00:39:41,259 Aykroyd. 1044 00:39:41,593 --> 00:39:42,677 Dan Aykroyd. 1045 00:39:42,844 --> 00:39:44,221 50 minutes, everybody! 1046 00:39:44,387 --> 00:39:46,098 Laraine Newman. 1047 00:39:46,431 --> 00:39:47,682 You nervous? 1048 00:39:48,225 --> 00:39:50,143 Uh, no. No, not really. 1049 00:39:50,310 --> 00:39:51,978 I mean, I've only got a couple bits. 1050 00:39:52,145 --> 00:39:54,147 The jury thing and a TV host. 1051 00:39:55,065 --> 00:39:56,650 Uh-huh... 1052 00:39:58,026 --> 00:40:02,030 Say, you ever wonder exactly what it is you are doing here? 1053 00:40:02,906 --> 00:40:04,783 Yeah, and I think I've got a pretty good idea. 1054 00:40:05,325 --> 00:40:06,326 And what is that? 1055 00:40:06,910 --> 00:40:08,370 Well, Garrett, I'll tell ya, 1056 00:40:08,370 --> 00:40:10,997 I like to give 100% in everything I do. 1057 00:40:12,082 --> 00:40:14,584 And I like a dish soap that does that too. 1058 00:40:15,836 --> 00:40:18,839 So alive, so young, so alluring... 1059 00:40:19,381 --> 00:40:22,008 so exotic, so hypnotic... 1060 00:40:22,467 --> 00:40:23,718 so manipulative... 1061 00:40:24,052 --> 00:40:27,347 so sadistically abusive... 1062 00:40:27,514 --> 00:40:29,599 so cartoonishly abhorrent... 1063 00:40:30,100 --> 00:40:31,560 You see, when it comes to my skin 1064 00:40:31,560 --> 00:40:33,019 and my sensitive parts... 1065 00:40:33,228 --> 00:40:36,481 I only trust 100% American-made steel wool. 1066 00:40:36,481 --> 00:40:38,483 Strong enough for a man... 1067 00:40:38,650 --> 00:40:41,528 but whimsical and helpless enough for a woman. 1068 00:40:42,028 --> 00:40:43,905 And don't wait. Act now. 1069 00:40:44,322 --> 00:40:46,324 Act like your very life depends on it. 1070 00:40:46,491 --> 00:40:48,201 Act like your children's lives depend on it. 1071 00:40:48,368 --> 00:40:52,664 Act like the children in Africa's lives depend on it. 1072 00:40:54,624 --> 00:40:56,543 Man, what the fuck 1073 00:40:56,543 --> 00:40:58,461 - was all of that? - That was my 20s, Garrett. 1074 00:40:58,628 --> 00:41:00,589 And that is exactly what I'm doing here. 1075 00:41:01,006 --> 00:41:02,007 Well, shit... 1076 00:41:02,174 --> 00:41:05,260 I'm just here to play the butler... 1077 00:41:05,594 --> 00:41:08,597 the shoeshine guy, and the pimp. 1078 00:41:09,639 --> 00:41:11,308 Think you seem a little nice for a pimp. 1079 00:41:12,017 --> 00:41:14,060 You're a little pretty for a comedienne. 1080 00:41:14,311 --> 00:41:16,104 Well, cheers to staying out of the spotlight. 1081 00:41:16,104 --> 00:41:17,063 Hmm. 1082 00:41:17,063 --> 00:41:21,484 Ladies and gentlemen, your host, George Carlin! 1083 00:41:21,651 --> 00:41:23,945 You can't just let me come out from behind a goddamn curtain? 1084 00:41:24,112 --> 00:41:26,198 I have to descend like Norma fuckin' Desmond. 1085 00:41:26,364 --> 00:41:28,491 All right. Fuck you, everyone. 1086 00:41:28,658 --> 00:41:30,660 Fuck you, fuck you. 1087 00:41:30,827 --> 00:41:32,120 I've definitely fucked you. 1088 00:41:32,287 --> 00:41:33,747 -Fuck you. - Yeah. 1089 00:41:33,914 --> 00:41:35,832 -Fuck you. - Fuck all of you. 1090 00:41:35,999 --> 00:41:37,083 You have to distract her. 1091 00:41:37,250 --> 00:41:38,376 How? 1092 00:41:38,543 --> 00:41:39,878 With your sparkling wit. 1093 00:41:42,255 --> 00:41:43,340 Excuse me, miss. 1094 00:41:43,340 --> 00:41:45,217 Could you confirm that this is a normal deck of cards? 1095 00:41:45,383 --> 00:41:46,843 No marks, no folds, no blemishes? 1096 00:41:47,010 --> 00:41:49,971 -George! - Yeah. All right. 1097 00:41:49,971 --> 00:41:52,140 Welcome to the show. I have some musics and laughs. 1098 00:41:52,307 --> 00:41:54,559 I plug the record, blah-blah-blah. 1099 00:41:54,559 --> 00:41:57,520 Regular old deck, 52 cards. I am going to make... 1100 00:41:57,520 --> 00:41:59,314 -George, keep going, please. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1101 00:41:59,314 --> 00:42:00,774 You ever look at the crowds in old movies 1102 00:42:00,774 --> 00:42:02,150 and wonder if they're dead yet? 1103 00:42:02,317 --> 00:42:03,443 Slow, slow, slow! 1104 00:42:05,403 --> 00:42:07,530 Are you fucking kidding me with this shit? 1105 00:42:07,948 --> 00:42:09,407 And throw to Janis. 1106 00:42:09,824 --> 00:42:10,825 What? 1107 00:42:10,992 --> 00:42:13,328 Yeah, throw it to Janis. Introduce her, please. 1108 00:42:13,954 --> 00:42:15,997 - Keep going. - Ladies and gentlemen... 1109 00:42:16,164 --> 00:42:17,457 Janis Ian. 1110 00:42:17,999 --> 00:42:21,920 ♪ I learned the truth at 17 ♪ 1111 00:42:22,087 --> 00:42:26,049 ♪ That love was meant For beauty queens ♪ 1112 00:42:27,133 --> 00:42:29,594 ♪ And high school girls With clear-skinned smiles ♪ 1113 00:42:30,428 --> 00:42:33,556 ♪ Who married young And then retired ♪ 1114 00:42:35,308 --> 00:42:36,393 - Mr. Carlin? - Yeah? 1115 00:42:36,559 --> 00:42:38,895 I am Joan Carbunkle, NBC standards. 1116 00:42:39,062 --> 00:42:40,730 - Oh, I didn't know they had any. - Joan, he's very busy. 1117 00:42:40,897 --> 00:42:42,274 Just please share your concerns with me, all right? 1118 00:42:42,440 --> 00:42:44,651 No, no, no. I'd like to hear her concerns personally, 1119 00:42:44,651 --> 00:42:45,735 if you don't mind. 1120 00:42:45,902 --> 00:42:47,570 I know you have a propensity for the obscene... 1121 00:42:47,737 --> 00:42:50,407 and a lurid interest in colorful language. 1122 00:42:50,573 --> 00:42:51,908 - Thank you very much. - Mr. Carlin... 1123 00:42:52,075 --> 00:42:53,368 you'll be happy to know that there is... 1124 00:42:54,494 --> 00:42:56,288 one delay button... 1125 00:42:56,454 --> 00:42:58,873 and my finger is on it. 1126 00:43:01,584 --> 00:43:03,586 I'm surprised you even found the button... 1127 00:43:03,753 --> 00:43:05,213 let alone touched it. 1128 00:43:07,549 --> 00:43:09,050 Is this your eight of diamonds? 1129 00:43:10,552 --> 00:43:13,763 ♪ Who called to say come dance with me ♪ 1130 00:43:15,515 --> 00:43:16,516 Are you gonna help? 1131 00:43:16,683 --> 00:43:19,853 I really wish we could, but, uh, we don't do bricks. 1132 00:43:20,020 --> 00:43:21,479 What guild is it that does the bricks? 1133 00:43:21,646 --> 00:43:22,939 Is that 422? 1134 00:43:23,106 --> 00:43:25,025 No, that's carpenters. How about 303? 1135 00:43:25,191 --> 00:43:27,569 Nah, that's the pipefitters. 1136 00:43:28,570 --> 00:43:30,196 I don't know why you're laying brick. 1137 00:43:30,363 --> 00:43:31,948 You're gonna be gone in two weeks. 1138 00:43:32,115 --> 00:43:35,493 ♪ A brown-eyed girl in hand-me-downs ♪ 1139 00:43:35,660 --> 00:43:37,954 So, it's gonna be like one of those 1950s safari flicks. 1140 00:43:38,121 --> 00:43:39,748 You know, the ones with Rhonda Fleming, Susan Hayward. 1141 00:43:39,914 --> 00:43:41,499 That's a prop. 1142 00:43:44,169 --> 00:43:46,296 So, I want you to take this bowl of potato chips here. 1143 00:43:46,296 --> 00:43:47,464 - Me? - Yes, you. 1144 00:43:47,464 --> 00:43:48,590 I want you to reach into them. 1145 00:43:48,757 --> 00:43:49,758 Every time I take a step, 1146 00:43:49,758 --> 00:43:50,884 give 'em a little crunch, all right? 1147 00:43:50,884 --> 00:43:52,761 It's like we're in the safari. Ready? 1148 00:43:53,136 --> 00:43:54,220 Give it a try. 1149 00:43:58,183 --> 00:44:00,060 Early. 1150 00:44:00,226 --> 00:44:02,020 I just got this job. 1151 00:44:02,354 --> 00:44:04,147 Now we're getting it. 1152 00:44:05,607 --> 00:44:08,193 You piece of shit. 1153 00:44:08,193 --> 00:44:10,320 That was nice. Not bad. 1154 00:44:16,284 --> 00:44:17,702 Caw! Caw! 1155 00:44:17,994 --> 00:44:19,245 Don't shoot me. 1156 00:44:22,832 --> 00:44:23,958 I know that noise. 1157 00:44:25,043 --> 00:44:27,045 That's a monkey being run over by the C-train. 1158 00:44:28,713 --> 00:44:30,090 My archnemesis. 1159 00:44:30,382 --> 00:44:31,508 Here he comes. 1160 00:44:38,390 --> 00:44:40,058 There's no way they're gonna fit all that show. 1161 00:44:41,643 --> 00:44:42,644 You think? 1162 00:44:43,853 --> 00:44:45,855 Yeah, something's got to go. Hey, Lorne, can we talk minutes? 1163 00:44:46,022 --> 00:44:47,065 You're doing great, Billy. 1164 00:44:47,232 --> 00:44:48,983 -That was weird. - Yep. We're fucked. 1165 00:45:00,161 --> 00:45:02,997 Excuse me, "ociffer," have I done somethin' wrong? 1166 00:45:03,957 --> 00:45:05,792 What do we have here? 1167 00:45:05,959 --> 00:45:08,378 Why, that would be my ass. 1168 00:45:10,922 --> 00:45:13,758 Mmm-hmm. Billy Preston's band hooked it up. 1169 00:45:13,925 --> 00:45:15,510 Medical grade, baby. 1170 00:45:15,677 --> 00:45:17,804 Floats in the bottle and then you... 1171 00:45:21,349 --> 00:45:22,350 Checks out. 1172 00:45:22,976 --> 00:45:24,144 Medical grade. 1173 00:45:25,019 --> 00:45:25,854 Uh... 1174 00:45:25,854 --> 00:45:27,647 So, tell me how you fit into this ensemble. 1175 00:45:27,981 --> 00:45:29,441 Is this an ensemble? 1176 00:45:29,441 --> 00:45:32,861 Uh, no, we have many talented, talented improvisers... 1177 00:45:33,027 --> 00:45:34,904 from Chicago and Toronto and... 1178 00:45:35,071 --> 00:45:36,072 And Boston. 1179 00:45:36,239 --> 00:45:38,408 And Boston. Yes, Jane Curtin is from Boston. 1180 00:45:38,575 --> 00:45:39,576 You've met my fiancée? 1181 00:45:40,201 --> 00:45:41,202 Missed a little there. 1182 00:45:42,370 --> 00:45:43,496 But to answer your question... 1183 00:45:43,663 --> 00:45:44,622 While I've got you captive. 1184 00:45:44,622 --> 00:45:45,707 They want to shave me. 1185 00:45:45,874 --> 00:45:47,709 Careful. There's no jaw under that beard, 1186 00:45:47,876 --> 00:45:48,960 just 10 pounds of neck. 1187 00:45:49,127 --> 00:45:50,295 Chevy. 1188 00:45:51,963 --> 00:45:55,008 Jesus Christ, you psycho, you son of a bitch! 1189 00:45:55,383 --> 00:45:57,093 Shove it up your fucking ass! 1190 00:45:58,511 --> 00:46:00,763 Hey, hey, hey, stop right now! 1191 00:46:01,639 --> 00:46:04,851 Guys! Goddamn it! Stop! Stop! Chevy, out! 1192 00:46:05,018 --> 00:46:06,978 - Don't feed coke to the animals! -Out! Chev! 1193 00:46:08,313 --> 00:46:10,190 Take a seat. 1194 00:46:11,774 --> 00:46:12,775 Yeah. 1195 00:46:12,942 --> 00:46:14,319 You okay, John? 1196 00:46:14,486 --> 00:46:15,528 So, we're throwing things now? 1197 00:46:15,695 --> 00:46:16,863 He started it. 1198 00:46:17,322 --> 00:46:18,531 It's just a shave, John. 1199 00:46:18,698 --> 00:46:20,200 So, NBC owns my fucking face? 1200 00:46:20,366 --> 00:46:21,409 - No. - Yeah, a little bit. 1201 00:46:21,576 --> 00:46:23,286 But would Jimi Hendrix play in mittens? 1202 00:46:23,453 --> 00:46:24,621 That's a good point. 1203 00:46:25,830 --> 00:46:28,082 John, you're going to go down as one of the giants 1204 00:46:28,082 --> 00:46:29,250 of character expressionism... 1205 00:46:29,250 --> 00:46:30,793 from Chaplin to Brando. 1206 00:46:30,960 --> 00:46:31,961 Belushi... 1207 00:46:32,378 --> 00:46:33,379 Why hide your gift? 1208 00:46:33,546 --> 00:46:35,006 Beards are for pussies. 1209 00:46:36,424 --> 00:46:37,634 And the bees are bullshit. 1210 00:46:37,800 --> 00:46:38,968 You think I don't know that? Of course, they are. 1211 00:46:39,135 --> 00:46:40,803 They're stupid, they're postmodern... 1212 00:46:40,970 --> 00:46:43,306 they're Warhol, they're iconic, they're Sergeant Pepper. 1213 00:46:43,473 --> 00:46:45,141 -So well said. -I'm glad you get it. 1214 00:46:46,309 --> 00:46:47,310 John... 1215 00:46:47,477 --> 00:46:48,728 we go live in less than an hour. 1216 00:46:48,895 --> 00:46:50,104 45 minutes. 1217 00:46:54,025 --> 00:46:55,944 I need you to sign your contract. 1218 00:47:04,244 --> 00:47:05,495 Oh, yeah. 1219 00:47:06,704 --> 00:47:07,789 What? 1220 00:47:07,956 --> 00:47:08,957 What's happening? 1221 00:47:09,374 --> 00:47:10,625 What happened to the music? 1222 00:47:11,834 --> 00:47:13,586 Hey! Why did you stop playing? 1223 00:47:13,753 --> 00:47:15,088 The speakers went out. 1224 00:47:15,463 --> 00:47:16,464 - All of them? - All of them. 1225 00:47:16,631 --> 00:47:18,299 What the hell is happening? What... Dick? 1226 00:47:18,466 --> 00:47:20,343 I'm on with the outfit that supplied speakers at... 1227 00:47:20,510 --> 00:47:21,511 - Yeah, Rockefeller Plaza. - Toscanini! 1228 00:47:21,678 --> 00:47:23,846 Height of audio fidelity! What can we be doing? 1229 00:47:24,013 --> 00:47:25,348 Yeah, what can we be doing? 1230 00:47:25,515 --> 00:47:26,724 We got no sound. 1231 00:47:26,891 --> 00:47:29,727 Idiot on the light board, and we go live in 45. 1232 00:47:30,144 --> 00:47:31,437 What do you want to rehearse? 1233 00:47:32,564 --> 00:47:33,398 Uh... 1234 00:47:34,482 --> 00:47:35,567 We could pull up... 1235 00:47:35,567 --> 00:47:36,651 Weekend Update? 1236 00:47:36,651 --> 00:47:38,319 Do you want to do Weekend Update? Yeah. 1237 00:47:38,319 --> 00:47:40,154 All right, everyone, we're moving to Weekend Update. 1238 00:47:40,321 --> 00:47:42,657 - Okay, great, great. - Don, stand by for your intro. 1239 00:47:44,242 --> 00:47:45,994 Here we go. Move it, people. 1240 00:47:56,879 --> 00:47:58,006 Let's go. Let's go. 1241 00:47:58,506 --> 00:47:59,507 I'm good. Fine. 1242 00:48:03,011 --> 00:48:06,264 From Saturday Night News headquarters. 1243 00:48:06,431 --> 00:48:08,349 This is Weekend Update... 1244 00:48:08,516 --> 00:48:10,476 with Lorne Michaels. 1245 00:48:18,484 --> 00:48:19,986 Our top story tonight... 1246 00:48:20,153 --> 00:48:21,195 some world news. 1247 00:48:21,362 --> 00:48:23,573 Japanese Emperor Hirohito met Mickey Mouse 1248 00:48:23,573 --> 00:48:24,991 at Disneyland this week. 1249 00:48:25,158 --> 00:48:28,244 The emperor presented Mickey with a Hirohito wristwatch. 1250 00:48:32,999 --> 00:48:34,083 How was that? 1251 00:48:34,250 --> 00:48:35,335 It was horrible. 1252 00:48:36,294 --> 00:48:37,837 Right. Um... 1253 00:48:39,547 --> 00:48:42,592 And now with a weather report... 1254 00:48:42,759 --> 00:48:45,970 we turn it over to meteorologist John Belushi. 1255 00:48:46,137 --> 00:48:47,764 What's it looking like out there, John? 1256 00:48:47,930 --> 00:48:49,223 Thank you, Lorne. 1257 00:48:49,223 --> 00:48:50,475 It's often said, 1258 00:48:50,475 --> 00:48:53,686 "March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb." 1259 00:48:53,895 --> 00:48:56,439 But did you know March behaves differently in other countries? 1260 00:48:57,023 --> 00:48:58,316 In Norway, for example, 1261 00:48:58,316 --> 00:49:01,235 March comes in like a polar bear and goes out like a walrus. 1262 00:49:01,653 --> 00:49:03,613 Or consider the Republic of South Africa... 1263 00:49:03,780 --> 00:49:05,239 where March comes in like a lion 1264 00:49:05,239 --> 00:49:06,574 and goes out like a different lion. 1265 00:49:06,741 --> 00:49:08,159 Like one has a mane 1266 00:49:08,159 --> 00:49:10,286 and the other doesn't have a mane. 1267 00:49:10,453 --> 00:49:13,247 And there's a country where March hops in like a kangaroo... 1268 00:49:13,414 --> 00:49:14,916 and stays a kangaroo for a while. 1269 00:49:15,083 --> 00:49:16,125 Australia. 1270 00:49:16,292 --> 00:49:18,127 Then for a couple of days, it's sort of a cross between... 1271 00:49:18,294 --> 00:49:20,380 a frilled lizard and a common house cat. 1272 00:49:20,797 --> 00:49:23,216 Then it changes back into a smaller kangaroo... 1273 00:49:23,383 --> 00:49:25,510 and then it goes out like a wild dingo! 1274 00:49:25,760 --> 00:49:27,303 No, no, and it's not Australia! 1275 00:49:27,637 --> 00:49:29,639 You'd think it'd be Australia, but it's not! 1276 00:49:29,806 --> 00:49:30,932 Oh! 1277 00:49:30,932 --> 00:49:32,850 And there are nine different countries... 1278 00:49:32,850 --> 00:49:34,477 where March comes in like a frog 1279 00:49:34,477 --> 00:49:36,354 and goes out like a golden retriever. 1280 00:49:36,354 --> 00:49:38,147 But that's not the weird part. No, no, no. 1281 00:49:38,314 --> 00:49:40,483 The weird part is the frog. The frog. 1282 00:49:40,650 --> 00:49:41,776 The weird part is the... 1283 00:49:43,319 --> 00:49:46,698 Okay. 1284 00:49:47,782 --> 00:49:48,866 John. 1285 00:49:50,243 --> 00:49:51,953 Are you all right? Are you okay? 1286 00:49:52,370 --> 00:49:53,371 I give in. 1287 00:49:53,871 --> 00:49:54,872 That was brilliant. 1288 00:49:55,039 --> 00:49:57,083 Now I need you to sign your contract. 1289 00:50:00,628 --> 00:50:01,963 - Was that a yes? - That was a yes. 1290 00:50:02,130 --> 00:50:03,673 - Was that a yes? Okay. - That was a yes. 1291 00:50:03,840 --> 00:50:05,133 - Neil, can I get the contract? -Yeah. 1292 00:50:06,008 --> 00:50:08,052 - Okay. Do you have a pen? -Uh... 1293 00:50:08,052 --> 00:50:09,178 Lorne, Lorne, Lorne, 1294 00:50:09,178 --> 00:50:11,180 there's a call from Burbank waiting in your office. 1295 00:50:12,014 --> 00:50:13,224 Burbank? 1296 00:50:13,391 --> 00:50:14,392 Carson. 1297 00:50:14,726 --> 00:50:16,602 Uh, okay. Um, Someone get him a pen. 1298 00:50:16,769 --> 00:50:18,187 Don't let him use it as a straw. 1299 00:50:18,187 --> 00:50:21,149 Uh, rehearse something. Anything. 1300 00:50:21,315 --> 00:50:23,443 All right, Bee Hospital stage left. 1301 00:50:23,609 --> 00:50:25,153 Let's go. We're moving. Here we go. 1302 00:50:26,237 --> 00:50:27,864 - Great work, guys. -Excuse me. 1303 00:50:28,030 --> 00:50:29,991 Hey, Mr. Michaels. 1304 00:50:29,991 --> 00:50:31,242 - Oh, Mr. Henson. - Hey. 1305 00:50:31,242 --> 00:50:33,536 I'm excited to see what you and your merry band of creatures 1306 00:50:33,536 --> 00:50:34,954 have in store for us tonight. 1307 00:50:34,954 --> 00:50:37,457 Well, Lorne, we don't have any script pages yet... 1308 00:50:37,457 --> 00:50:40,251 so, the Muppets are flyin' blind here. 1309 00:50:40,251 --> 00:50:41,669 Well, this is the first I'm hearing of it. 1310 00:50:41,669 --> 00:50:42,962 Neil, Jim needs his pages. 1311 00:50:42,962 --> 00:50:45,089 Thank you. Thank you. And please, sorry, Lorne... 1312 00:50:46,007 --> 00:50:48,050 can you please remind your crew... 1313 00:50:48,217 --> 00:50:51,846 not to leave the Muppets in compromising positions? 1314 00:50:53,306 --> 00:50:54,807 That doesn't sound like them. 1315 00:50:55,183 --> 00:50:57,268 Well, they left a note. 1316 00:50:58,019 --> 00:50:59,020 They didn't. 1317 00:50:59,187 --> 00:51:00,188 They did. 1318 00:51:00,772 --> 00:51:01,773 It said... 1319 00:51:04,484 --> 00:51:06,652 "Fuck-Rags for rent." 1320 00:51:07,695 --> 00:51:09,071 - Mmm... - Okay? 1321 00:51:09,238 --> 00:51:10,907 I know what that means, so... 1322 00:51:11,949 --> 00:51:13,618 I'll talk to Michael. Immediately. 1323 00:51:13,785 --> 00:51:14,869 Thank you. 1324 00:51:17,622 --> 00:51:18,623 All right. Thank you. 1325 00:51:19,540 --> 00:51:20,750 Oh. Hey, Bernie. 1326 00:51:20,750 --> 00:51:22,168 Oh, no, you're good. 1327 00:51:28,049 --> 00:51:29,300 Hello, this is Lorne. 1328 00:51:29,592 --> 00:51:31,928 I was beginning to think you didn't like me. 1329 00:51:32,094 --> 00:51:33,346 Of course not, Mr. Carson. 1330 00:51:33,346 --> 00:51:35,139 You're the voice of a generation. 1331 00:51:35,306 --> 00:51:37,433 I just wanted to reach out and say, 1332 00:51:37,433 --> 00:51:38,643 "Good luck tonight." 1333 00:51:38,810 --> 00:51:40,019 Oh, that's very kind. 1334 00:51:40,186 --> 00:51:41,854 And also, I suppose I wanted to make sure... 1335 00:51:42,021 --> 00:51:44,857 we don't end up stepping on each other's dicks. 1336 00:51:45,024 --> 00:51:46,025 Right. 1337 00:51:46,025 --> 00:51:47,276 You know how this all started, don't you? 1338 00:51:47,276 --> 00:51:48,361 Just sign it, John. 1339 00:51:49,237 --> 00:51:50,446 Just sign it, John. 1340 00:51:50,613 --> 00:51:52,156 With a kite and a key, I'm sure. 1341 00:51:52,323 --> 00:51:53,825 Don't be a dipshit for a second, kid. 1342 00:51:54,325 --> 00:51:55,535 I'm sure you've heard by now 1343 00:51:55,535 --> 00:51:57,537 that Mommy and Daddy are fighting... 1344 00:51:57,703 --> 00:52:00,456 and that's why you got the house to yourself tonight. 1345 00:52:00,456 --> 00:52:01,916 Frankly, it's the only reason 1346 00:52:01,916 --> 00:52:04,669 they ever greenlight your little talent show. 1347 00:52:05,378 --> 00:52:07,338 Look, these things always go the same way. 1348 00:52:07,672 --> 00:52:09,924 First, they try to fuck you, and then they buy you dinner. 1349 00:52:10,466 --> 00:52:12,260 I'm not opposed to Saturday Night... 1350 00:52:12,260 --> 00:52:13,678 even if it is a dumping ground... 1351 00:52:13,678 --> 00:52:14,762 No. No. 1352 00:52:14,762 --> 00:52:16,556 ...for the deadbeats and bagheads. 1353 00:52:16,556 --> 00:52:17,473 Dick, no. 1354 00:52:17,473 --> 00:52:18,391 In the meantime, you get to... 1355 00:52:18,391 --> 00:52:19,725 play dress-up on national television. 1356 00:52:19,725 --> 00:52:20,852 Don't let him hold the camera. 1357 00:52:20,852 --> 00:52:21,936 Good for you. 1358 00:52:22,353 --> 00:52:24,063 So, here's some friendly advice. 1359 00:52:24,897 --> 00:52:26,190 Enjoy your little show... 1360 00:52:26,357 --> 00:52:27,900 but don't get too comfortable. 1361 00:52:28,568 --> 00:52:30,736 You're a benchwarmer, a stalking horse. 1362 00:52:30,903 --> 00:52:33,656 It's my fucking network. It's my fucking night. 1363 00:52:34,574 --> 00:52:35,950 No hard feelings, though. 1364 00:52:36,117 --> 00:52:38,119 Fuck the bees and fuck this show! 1365 00:52:38,286 --> 00:52:39,871 John. Hey, where are you going? 1366 00:52:40,037 --> 00:52:41,414 I go where I'm kicked! 1367 00:52:41,789 --> 00:52:43,749 Heard you are a halfway decent writer. 1368 00:52:44,667 --> 00:52:46,168 Send me some samples sometime. 1369 00:52:46,335 --> 00:52:47,795 We're always looking for a bunch of 'em. 1370 00:52:49,755 --> 00:52:50,923 How'd the call go? 1371 00:52:51,090 --> 00:52:52,425 Tremendous. Thank you for asking. 1372 00:52:52,592 --> 00:52:54,427 - Great. - Belushi walked. 1373 00:52:54,594 --> 00:52:56,470 - What? He quit? - No, well, technically... 1374 00:52:56,637 --> 00:52:58,431 he would need a fucking job to quit! But, yes, he walked. 1375 00:52:58,598 --> 00:53:00,057 We need to find him. I'll take the eighth floor. 1376 00:53:00,224 --> 00:53:01,642 - You take the ninth, okay? - Uh. Oh... 1377 00:53:02,018 --> 00:53:03,019 Okay. 1378 00:53:03,686 --> 00:53:05,688 Uh, hey, have you seen John Belushi? 1379 00:53:05,688 --> 00:53:06,772 No. 1380 00:53:08,357 --> 00:53:09,609 There's a reason they call it master control. 1381 00:53:09,775 --> 00:53:10,776 Sorry, Jim, have you seen John Belushi? 1382 00:53:10,943 --> 00:53:13,237 You want to hand the airwaves over to that maniac? 1383 00:53:13,404 --> 00:53:15,823 - Have you seen Belushi? - I'm not an animal wrangler. 1384 00:53:16,365 --> 00:53:17,366 Belushi? Belushi? 1385 00:53:17,533 --> 00:53:18,701 - Belushi? - Belushi? 1386 00:53:18,868 --> 00:53:20,202 -Belushi? - Belushi? 1387 00:53:20,369 --> 00:53:23,080 Hey, have you guys seen John Belushi? John? 1388 00:53:28,336 --> 00:53:29,587 Hey, guys, sorry to bother you. 1389 00:53:29,587 --> 00:53:31,422 Have you seen John Belushi anywhere? 1390 00:53:31,589 --> 00:53:34,091 Oh. Yeah, sure. He was hangin' out with us yesterday. 1391 00:53:34,091 --> 00:53:35,259 Right, Howard? 1392 00:53:35,426 --> 00:53:36,928 No, sorry. I meant in the last few minutes. 1393 00:53:37,094 --> 00:53:38,262 - Did he... - Oh, no. 1394 00:53:39,472 --> 00:53:41,182 Well, you seem stressed. You okay, buddy? 1395 00:53:41,349 --> 00:53:43,267 - Yeah, I'm okay. - You need a hit? 1396 00:53:43,976 --> 00:53:46,979 Uh, oh! No, no, no, that's fine. That's okay. 1397 00:53:46,979 --> 00:53:48,022 Oh. 1398 00:53:48,022 --> 00:53:49,190 I think it'd help. 1399 00:53:50,566 --> 00:53:51,567 That makes sense. 1400 00:53:54,278 --> 00:53:55,279 There we go. 1401 00:53:58,115 --> 00:53:59,825 Oh, look at him. 1402 00:53:59,992 --> 00:54:01,869 Attaboy. 1403 00:54:02,036 --> 00:54:03,829 Good luck on your quest, amigo. 1404 00:54:07,208 --> 00:54:09,085 Have you seen John Belushi? 1405 00:54:09,794 --> 00:54:10,962 Have you guys seen John? 1406 00:54:11,128 --> 00:54:13,631 Neil, who do you think I am? 1407 00:54:14,340 --> 00:54:15,633 Human bumblebee. 1408 00:54:15,800 --> 00:54:17,176 No, man. I am talking about... 1409 00:54:17,343 --> 00:54:20,346 what is my identity on the show? 1410 00:54:20,513 --> 00:54:21,931 Don't ask me that right now. 1411 00:54:22,848 --> 00:54:25,226 I can't answer that right now. Oh. 1412 00:54:28,980 --> 00:54:31,232 - Oh. - What the hell are you doing? 1413 00:54:34,318 --> 00:54:36,237 Thank you. 1414 00:54:39,865 --> 00:54:41,117 Has anybody seen John? 1415 00:54:41,283 --> 00:54:43,285 - I'm John. -I'm John. 1416 00:54:43,452 --> 00:54:44,453 - No. No. -I'm John. 1417 00:54:44,620 --> 00:54:46,288 - I'm John. - No. No. 1418 00:54:46,455 --> 00:54:48,207 - I'm John. - I'm John. 1419 00:54:48,374 --> 00:54:49,375 Hold this, please. 1420 00:54:52,962 --> 00:54:54,046 One of them is mine. 1421 00:54:54,046 --> 00:54:55,214 Hey, have you guys seen John Belushi? 1422 00:54:55,214 --> 00:54:56,924 Hey, you're... Kid, why are you holding your face like that? 1423 00:54:56,924 --> 00:54:58,509 - Why are you shouting? - Sweetie, are you okay? 1424 00:54:58,509 --> 00:55:01,637 I don't know. I can hear my own blood. 1425 00:55:02,555 --> 00:55:03,556 Am I gonna be okay? 1426 00:55:03,723 --> 00:55:05,725 Don't ask her. She's a nymph, not a nurse, kid. 1427 00:55:05,891 --> 00:55:07,351 I know that! 1428 00:55:07,852 --> 00:55:09,645 - Look, should I be worried? - About Neil? 1429 00:55:09,812 --> 00:55:11,147 No. Fuck Neil. About my act. 1430 00:55:11,313 --> 00:55:13,357 I can't get a straight answer out of Lorne. 1431 00:55:13,524 --> 00:55:15,860 Billy, you're family. 1432 00:55:17,194 --> 00:55:18,279 - Neil... - Neil... 1433 00:55:21,949 --> 00:55:23,576 This week on The Rumpus Hour. 1434 00:55:23,743 --> 00:55:25,119 Tony Orlando and Dawn, 1435 00:55:25,119 --> 00:55:27,246 Shields and Yarnell, the Domingo Brothers... 1436 00:55:27,246 --> 00:55:29,874 and your favorite juggling barbershop quartet, 1437 00:55:29,874 --> 00:55:31,208 Macho Quatro. 1438 00:55:31,208 --> 00:55:33,753 {\an8}Lorne. You know Milton Berle? 1439 00:55:33,919 --> 00:55:36,630 Absolutely. Big fan. I grew up on your work. 1440 00:55:36,797 --> 00:55:38,340 Who didn't? Hear it's your big night. 1441 00:55:38,507 --> 00:55:40,593 Planning on it. How's it all coming? 1442 00:55:41,302 --> 00:55:42,762 Just perfect. 1443 00:55:42,928 --> 00:55:44,638 - You never hear that. - You certainly don't. 1444 00:55:45,890 --> 00:55:48,601 Yep. Being here must bring back all kinds of memories, I'm sure. 1445 00:55:48,768 --> 00:55:49,935 Sure, sure. Yeah. 1446 00:55:50,102 --> 00:55:52,146 Used to call this the RCA Radio Tower. 1447 00:55:52,313 --> 00:55:53,939 Radio, that wonderful invention 1448 00:55:53,939 --> 00:55:55,608 by which I could reach a million people. 1449 00:55:55,775 --> 00:55:57,526 Who fortunately couldn't reach me. 1450 00:55:57,693 --> 00:56:01,864 You know, Milt's TV show once pulled a 97 share. 1451 00:56:02,031 --> 00:56:06,327 97% of the American audience was watching Uncle Miltie. 1452 00:56:06,494 --> 00:56:08,496 Do you ever miss being Mr. Television? 1453 00:56:09,830 --> 00:56:11,248 What is he talking about? 1454 00:56:11,415 --> 00:56:12,416 Lorne... 1455 00:56:12,583 --> 00:56:14,960 Milton remains one of the Peacock's 1456 00:56:14,960 --> 00:56:16,587 most colorful feathers. 1457 00:56:16,754 --> 00:56:18,380 - It's quite a feather. - Of course, of course. 1458 00:56:18,547 --> 00:56:20,591 And I'm looking forward to hosting your show. 1459 00:56:21,300 --> 00:56:23,094 Well, we'd be honored. 1460 00:56:23,385 --> 00:56:25,096 I think there's still so many decisions we'd have to make. 1461 00:56:25,262 --> 00:56:26,388 I'm hearing episode five. 1462 00:56:26,555 --> 00:56:29,642 The boys upstairs love it and the affiliates ate it up. 1463 00:56:29,809 --> 00:56:30,976 Well, they're the real boss. 1464 00:56:31,143 --> 00:56:32,937 Right. Well, it is a late show. 1465 00:56:32,937 --> 00:56:34,355 Are you suited for midnight? 1466 00:56:34,814 --> 00:56:38,317 At 67, I still feel like a 20-year-old. 1467 00:56:38,484 --> 00:56:40,402 Unfortunately, there's never one around. 1468 00:56:40,402 --> 00:56:42,071 Your reputation precedes you. 1469 00:56:42,238 --> 00:56:44,949 Yeah, by about 11 inches. Excuse me a second. 1470 00:56:47,493 --> 00:56:49,161 Any sign of Belushi? 1471 00:56:49,787 --> 00:56:50,830 John? 1472 00:56:50,996 --> 00:56:52,414 I believe he's in wardrobe. Why? 1473 00:56:52,581 --> 00:56:54,625 Legal is frantic for his paperwork. 1474 00:56:54,792 --> 00:56:55,918 That's strange. I'll look into it. 1475 00:56:56,085 --> 00:56:57,545 Lorne, I can only imagine... 1476 00:56:57,711 --> 00:56:59,296 what must be running through your mind. 1477 00:56:59,463 --> 00:57:01,799 The thought, no matter how improbable... 1478 00:57:01,966 --> 00:57:03,634 that you might not make it to air. 1479 00:57:03,801 --> 00:57:05,636 - Hadn't even occurred to me. - Really? 1480 00:57:05,803 --> 00:57:08,848 I heard that you were having some technical difficulties. 1481 00:57:09,014 --> 00:57:10,015 None that I know of. 1482 00:57:10,516 --> 00:57:11,517 What the fuck? 1483 00:57:11,684 --> 00:57:12,768 I just heard that... 1484 00:57:12,935 --> 00:57:14,520 your writers were stoned... 1485 00:57:14,687 --> 00:57:16,689 your actors were physically assaulting each other. 1486 00:57:17,690 --> 00:57:18,774 The sound system was down. 1487 00:57:18,941 --> 00:57:20,067 What the hell is happening? What... 1488 00:57:20,234 --> 00:57:21,569 And a fire broke out earlier. 1489 00:57:24,905 --> 00:57:27,616 I've been doing this job a long time. I've seen it all. 1490 00:57:29,577 --> 00:57:31,787 I'm sure you have it all under control. 1491 00:57:33,372 --> 00:57:35,166 Minor issues, already addressed. 1492 00:57:35,708 --> 00:57:36,709 That's reassuring. 1493 00:57:36,876 --> 00:57:39,170 This whole conversation is a soothing shower of relief. 1494 00:57:39,336 --> 00:57:41,005 Hey, good, good. Look. 1495 00:57:41,172 --> 00:57:43,591 If for some reason you can't lock your script... 1496 00:57:44,592 --> 00:57:47,428 or commit your cast to legally binding contracts... 1497 00:57:47,595 --> 00:57:48,846 rest assured... 1498 00:57:49,346 --> 00:57:52,183 the country will be happy to watch Johnny Carson. 1499 00:57:53,559 --> 00:57:56,061 Well, we could always play the tape of dress rehearsal. 1500 00:57:56,228 --> 00:57:57,897 Worst-case scenario. 1501 00:57:59,148 --> 00:58:00,566 That's not the worst case. 1502 00:58:17,124 --> 00:58:19,168 Fuck me. That's a lot of cards. 1503 00:58:19,752 --> 00:58:21,879 Yeah. What's the fastest you can do your set? Top to bottom. 1504 00:58:22,046 --> 00:58:23,214 - Five minutes. - Yeah, me too. 1505 00:58:23,380 --> 00:58:24,840 - Could you do it in four? - Probably. 1506 00:58:25,007 --> 00:58:26,008 Yeah, me too. 1507 00:58:27,801 --> 00:58:29,553 So, look, they're gonna offer us three... 1508 00:58:30,137 --> 00:58:31,722 but we got to draw the line at four. All right? 1509 00:58:32,473 --> 00:58:34,600 Okay. I want to do the show. 1510 00:58:34,767 --> 00:58:36,560 Yeah, we're doing the show. We just can't get jerked around. 1511 00:58:36,727 --> 00:58:37,728 - That's all. - But we're doing the show? 1512 00:58:37,895 --> 00:58:39,355 Of course, we're doing the show. We just got to be 1513 00:58:39,355 --> 00:58:40,981 - in this together. - Okay. 1514 00:58:42,650 --> 00:58:43,776 Neil, sweetie. 1515 00:58:43,943 --> 00:58:45,569 - Is everything okay in there? -Hello? 1516 00:58:45,736 --> 00:58:47,988 Special delivery for Neil Levy. Flowers. 1517 00:58:48,155 --> 00:58:49,406 - Candygram. -What's with the convention? 1518 00:58:49,573 --> 00:58:51,158 Neil, it's your mother. Open the door! 1519 00:58:51,325 --> 00:58:53,702 Don't say that. He's gonna believe you if you say that. 1520 00:58:53,869 --> 00:58:56,247 Hey, Neil. Buddy. You freaking out in there? 1521 00:58:56,413 --> 00:58:58,457 I took a hit in the departure lounge. 1522 00:58:58,624 --> 00:59:00,251 All right. Whose grass was it? 1523 00:59:00,417 --> 00:59:01,835 One of the horn players. 1524 00:59:02,002 --> 00:59:03,087 Oh, degenerates. 1525 00:59:03,254 --> 00:59:04,922 That's a potent dragon you're riding there, kid. 1526 00:59:04,922 --> 00:59:06,632 What you smoked was a sacred strain from... 1527 00:59:06,632 --> 00:59:08,133 the Isaan plateau in Thailand, I believe. 1528 00:59:08,133 --> 00:59:09,218 The best plateau. 1529 00:59:09,218 --> 00:59:10,302 Make no mistake about it, 1530 00:59:10,302 --> 00:59:12,012 that stick's probably stronger than a bull elephant. 1531 00:59:12,012 --> 00:59:14,473 But, listen, we're all a little freaked out so... 1532 00:59:14,473 --> 00:59:15,599 -I'm freaked out. - Why don't you come out... 1533 00:59:15,599 --> 00:59:17,059 and we can check on your face... 1534 00:59:17,059 --> 00:59:18,310 make sure it's not inside out, okay? 1535 00:59:18,310 --> 00:59:19,937 -Come on, Neil. - Show us your face, Neil! 1536 00:59:19,937 --> 00:59:21,313 Come on, there's nothing to be afraid of. 1537 00:59:21,313 --> 00:59:23,190 - Come on. - Come on out, Neil. 1538 00:59:24,483 --> 00:59:26,235 Oh, God! 1539 00:59:26,902 --> 00:59:28,779 No. I'm just kidding. Look. You're gonna be fine. 1540 00:59:28,779 --> 00:59:30,114 We'll fix you up with some amphetamines. 1541 00:59:30,114 --> 00:59:31,198 You'll be fit as a flea. 1542 00:59:31,198 --> 00:59:33,033 You might even like the stuff. Cocaine. 1543 00:59:33,033 --> 00:59:34,410 Robert Louis Stevenson actually did 1544 00:59:34,410 --> 00:59:35,577 some of his best writing on the nose candy. 1545 00:59:35,577 --> 00:59:37,413 - Oh, Bobby. - Not a lot of people know that. 1546 00:59:37,579 --> 00:59:38,747 Yeah, he was a big freak... 1547 00:59:38,747 --> 00:59:39,832 - for the Peruvian Lady. -Hey! 1548 00:59:39,832 --> 00:59:40,916 We need everyone in togas! 1549 00:59:40,916 --> 00:59:42,793 Everyone down to the eighth floor now! 1550 00:59:47,006 --> 00:59:48,340 I'm not in a toga! 1551 01:00:02,479 --> 01:00:05,149 Okay, okay. But why are we yelling? 1552 01:00:07,735 --> 01:00:10,112 Rocky, there's no way these kids are gonna hit their marks. 1553 01:00:10,279 --> 01:00:12,948 So you better be wide enough to catch 'em all. We got that? 1554 01:00:13,115 --> 01:00:15,200 Hey, did Rosie tell you what she wants for her credit? 1555 01:00:15,784 --> 01:00:17,494 Oh. Uh... 1556 01:00:17,494 --> 01:00:19,705 She was of two minds... 1557 01:00:23,208 --> 01:00:24,835 What is this? Why are you cueing up Carson? Who is that? 1558 01:00:25,586 --> 01:00:26,920 I think that's Tony Curtis. 1559 01:00:27,087 --> 01:00:29,340 That's pretty normal right before a live show, right, Dave? 1560 01:00:29,506 --> 01:00:31,467 Yeah. If anything goes wrong, we bump to tape. 1561 01:00:31,633 --> 01:00:32,760 - See? - Right. 1562 01:00:32,926 --> 01:00:34,595 Lorne! Lorne. We found a lighting director. 1563 01:00:34,928 --> 01:00:35,929 Great. Go get him. 1564 01:00:36,096 --> 01:00:37,639 No, he's lighting a show right now. 1565 01:00:37,639 --> 01:00:39,016 This will take some massaging. 1566 01:00:39,183 --> 01:00:40,184 We don't have... 1567 01:00:42,102 --> 01:00:43,103 What floor? 1568 01:00:44,021 --> 01:00:46,523 It's down on the sixth floor. Some variety show. 1569 01:00:46,690 --> 01:00:48,567 - And he knows I'm coming? - Uh... 1570 01:00:49,860 --> 01:00:52,237 - Say, Lorne. This a bad time? -Perfect time, Garrett. 1571 01:00:52,404 --> 01:00:53,906 Okay, I've been thinkin'. 1572 01:00:54,073 --> 01:00:56,116 Why did you hire me? 1573 01:00:56,283 --> 01:00:57,326 You were cheap. 1574 01:00:57,326 --> 01:00:58,410 Really? 1575 01:00:58,577 --> 01:01:00,120 I'm being ironical, Garrett. 1576 01:01:00,954 --> 01:01:01,955 The fuck? 1577 01:01:06,210 --> 01:01:07,211 Hey, Garrett. 1578 01:01:07,836 --> 01:01:08,837 What's wrong? 1579 01:01:09,129 --> 01:01:11,298 Nothin'. I'm just... 1580 01:01:12,257 --> 01:01:14,343 Just trying to figure out exactly what it is 1581 01:01:14,343 --> 01:01:15,552 I am doing here. 1582 01:01:15,719 --> 01:01:16,970 Aw, what do you mean? 1583 01:01:17,388 --> 01:01:18,639 You know... 1584 01:01:18,806 --> 01:01:21,517 I just can't help but feeling a little bit like an outsider. 1585 01:01:21,683 --> 01:01:23,102 Because you're so much older? 1586 01:01:23,268 --> 01:01:24,269 What? 1587 01:01:25,104 --> 01:01:27,272 I went to Juilliard. 1588 01:01:27,689 --> 01:01:29,650 I've been on Broadway. I'm a published playwright. 1589 01:01:29,817 --> 01:01:33,404 Man, they got me buzzin' around here in a goddamn bee suit... 1590 01:01:33,570 --> 01:01:35,447 and wavin' a gun around like I'm some kind of hoodlum. 1591 01:01:35,614 --> 01:01:37,658 These are not my strengths, man. 1592 01:01:37,825 --> 01:01:39,785 I am being under-utilized... 1593 01:01:39,952 --> 01:01:41,078 which makes me ponder... 1594 01:01:41,245 --> 01:01:43,247 what am I doing here? 1595 01:01:43,997 --> 01:01:45,249 You know how many operas I've done? 1596 01:01:45,624 --> 01:01:47,084 - I have no idea, Garrett. - Shit... 1597 01:01:47,251 --> 01:01:48,752 while Danny and Laraine were eatin' Froot Loops... 1598 01:01:48,919 --> 01:01:53,632 I was performing La Traviata in Italian. 1599 01:01:53,799 --> 01:01:54,800 Ya dig? 1600 01:01:54,967 --> 01:01:57,177 Of course, I dig, Garrett. 1601 01:01:57,928 --> 01:01:58,762 But, uh... 1602 01:01:59,805 --> 01:02:02,224 no one is saying you can't sing on the show. 1603 01:02:02,391 --> 01:02:03,392 Right? 1604 01:02:10,149 --> 01:02:11,191 Where's the Rumpus room? 1605 01:02:11,358 --> 01:02:13,902 ♪ Down on the right ♪ 1606 01:02:16,697 --> 01:02:18,282 Oh. Whoa. Pardon me. 1607 01:02:26,123 --> 01:02:28,459 - Whoa, whoa, whoa. -And three, two... 1608 01:02:36,633 --> 01:02:40,220 And we... Seven, eight, and blocking! 1609 01:02:41,597 --> 01:02:44,683 Five, six... Uh-oh! 1610 01:02:45,267 --> 01:02:46,268 Smile! 1611 01:03:31,772 --> 01:03:33,982 Hey! You little fucker. 1612 01:03:34,566 --> 01:03:36,109 Get your head out of your ass. 1613 01:03:36,276 --> 01:03:39,196 Prep the cupcake lights and bring up the glitter, Carl. 1614 01:03:40,113 --> 01:03:41,114 Carl? 1615 01:03:41,782 --> 01:03:42,908 I have a job offer. 1616 01:03:43,492 --> 01:03:45,994 Comes with no guarantees, no perks, and no weekends. 1617 01:03:47,538 --> 01:03:48,539 How's the pay? 1618 01:03:50,290 --> 01:03:51,542 That's the worst part. 1619 01:03:56,088 --> 01:03:57,089 What the fuck? 1620 01:03:57,256 --> 01:03:58,298 - When do you start? -Right now. 1621 01:03:58,465 --> 01:04:01,385 Send me a postcard from the gutter, you little shit. 1622 01:04:13,230 --> 01:04:14,314 Rosie, you seen Jackie? 1623 01:04:14,481 --> 01:04:15,857 No. Sorry. 1624 01:04:16,024 --> 01:04:17,568 Knock, knock. 1625 01:04:18,110 --> 01:04:20,237 - Hi. - Hi, stud. Can I see? 1626 01:04:20,404 --> 01:04:21,780 Can you get Chevy to do this one? 1627 01:04:21,947 --> 01:04:23,991 No way. You look so sexy. 1628 01:04:24,157 --> 01:04:26,451 Hey. These can't be the right size. 1629 01:04:26,618 --> 01:04:28,787 Yeah, you're right. They should be a little bit smaller. 1630 01:04:29,705 --> 01:04:31,123 This feels like it's a lot of leg. 1631 01:04:31,290 --> 01:04:32,583 You kidding, hot stuff? 1632 01:04:32,749 --> 01:04:33,917 You're gonna melt every TV in America. 1633 01:04:33,917 --> 01:04:35,043 -Oh, yeah? - Uh, yeah. 1634 01:04:35,043 --> 01:04:36,753 You know, ma'am, you are dealing 1635 01:04:36,753 --> 01:04:38,088 with a fully-qualified male strumpet here. 1636 01:04:38,088 --> 01:04:39,172 Oh. Male? 1637 01:04:39,172 --> 01:04:40,424 I've actually got a work order... 1638 01:04:40,424 --> 01:04:44,011 stating I should be rogering you roundly right now! 1639 01:04:44,177 --> 01:04:45,596 Hey, have you guys seen John? 1640 01:04:46,430 --> 01:04:48,890 No, I haven't seen him. Danny? 1641 01:04:49,057 --> 01:04:50,517 - Have you seen John? - Yeah? John. 1642 01:04:50,684 --> 01:04:53,604 Well, John's an anarchist and an Illinois alpha male. 1643 01:04:54,271 --> 01:04:55,355 What does that mean? 1644 01:04:55,772 --> 01:04:57,858 Oh. Uh, well, see, boss, you and I, 1645 01:04:57,858 --> 01:04:59,234 if we were to enter this space... 1646 01:04:59,401 --> 01:05:01,236 we'd be like 15th century peasants 1647 01:05:01,236 --> 01:05:02,362 walking into the Vatican... 1648 01:05:02,362 --> 01:05:04,072 but Belushi's a whole other animal. 1649 01:05:04,239 --> 01:05:05,991 He's a skeptic and a sinner. 1650 01:05:06,158 --> 01:05:07,618 I'd give O'Houlihans a recce. 1651 01:05:07,993 --> 01:05:09,620 - He's at the bar next door. -Ah. 1652 01:05:09,953 --> 01:05:12,914 Um, Barbara's still asking about your credit on the show. 1653 01:05:13,081 --> 01:05:14,124 Whatever you think. 1654 01:05:14,291 --> 01:05:15,500 It's your name, Rose. 1655 01:05:17,544 --> 01:05:18,670 Has he only gotten that far? 1656 01:05:19,087 --> 01:05:21,423 We'd like to help, but we're rootin' for the guy. 1657 01:05:21,590 --> 01:05:23,216 Well, at least your heart's in it. 1658 01:05:23,383 --> 01:05:25,052 Hey, you seen Jacqueline, my fiancée? 1659 01:05:25,218 --> 01:05:26,887 No, I haven't seen shit! 1660 01:05:27,638 --> 01:05:29,556 Ladies, have you seen Jackie? 1661 01:05:29,723 --> 01:05:30,724 -No. Sorry. -All right, change of plans. 1662 01:05:30,891 --> 01:05:32,184 We're skippin' Ancient Greece 1663 01:05:32,184 --> 01:05:33,977 and we're movin' into the break room. 1664 01:05:34,144 --> 01:05:35,270 Ladies, I need you in your hard hats. 1665 01:05:35,437 --> 01:05:36,772 Okay? Right now. Come on. 1666 01:05:36,938 --> 01:05:39,066 I don't want to change. 1667 01:05:39,232 --> 01:05:40,817 Are we good? Is he all right? 1668 01:05:40,984 --> 01:05:42,694 Yeah. Yeah. Danny, I mean... 1669 01:05:42,694 --> 01:05:44,112 whatever's going on between you and me 1670 01:05:44,112 --> 01:05:45,822 is the last thing on his mind right now. 1671 01:05:45,989 --> 01:05:48,033 So the man doesn't wrestle with the green-eyed monster? 1672 01:05:48,200 --> 01:05:50,118 Hardly. I mean, look, I've known Lorne 1673 01:05:50,118 --> 01:05:51,787 since I had toilet paper tits. 1674 01:05:52,621 --> 01:05:54,247 One day, he just followed me home from school 1675 01:05:54,247 --> 01:05:56,041 - and I never shook him. - Pretty sure 1676 01:05:56,041 --> 01:05:57,751 - you can be arrested for that. -Look out, Rosie! 1677 01:05:57,751 --> 01:05:59,086 Sorry, Moose. 1678 01:05:59,961 --> 01:06:01,213 Anyways, I don't know, 1679 01:06:01,213 --> 01:06:03,882 Lorne lost his dad when he was 14... 1680 01:06:04,049 --> 01:06:05,634 and his mom sold everything... 1681 01:06:05,801 --> 01:06:08,220 and so he spent a whole year without furniture. 1682 01:06:08,387 --> 01:06:09,971 So when I first met him, I thought... 1683 01:06:10,138 --> 01:06:13,809 he's just a stray looking for a spare piece of carpet... 1684 01:06:14,518 --> 01:06:16,228 like, he wants to be a part of my family... 1685 01:06:16,395 --> 01:06:18,897 and I'm the kid sister or something. 1686 01:06:19,648 --> 01:06:21,650 But then, hormones. 1687 01:06:21,817 --> 01:06:23,777 Turns out, I'm not the kid sister... 1688 01:06:24,277 --> 01:06:27,447 and so we start dating and I think... 1689 01:06:28,156 --> 01:06:30,992 "Okay, he wants to build a family with me." 1690 01:06:31,410 --> 01:06:33,704 And we get married, we buy a house. 1691 01:06:33,870 --> 01:06:35,747 I mean, no ring. I think those are pretty stupid. 1692 01:06:35,914 --> 01:06:38,250 But linens and china. 1693 01:06:39,626 --> 01:06:42,129 And then it turns out... 1694 01:06:42,295 --> 01:06:44,631 I'm not the kid sister or the wife. 1695 01:06:45,257 --> 01:06:46,258 So who are ya? 1696 01:06:46,717 --> 01:06:48,009 I'm the writer. 1697 01:06:48,176 --> 01:06:50,220 All right, rehearsal's moments away. 1698 01:06:50,387 --> 01:06:51,722 And who's he? 1699 01:06:51,888 --> 01:06:54,516 We take you now to Ancient Greece. 1700 01:06:54,516 --> 01:06:56,017 Not yet, Don. It's the wrong sketch, buddy. 1701 01:06:56,017 --> 01:06:57,477 Can I get you behind the lockers? 1702 01:06:57,644 --> 01:06:58,979 Yeah. 1703 01:07:00,439 --> 01:07:01,982 And try sitting like men. 1704 01:07:02,482 --> 01:07:03,483 - Oh, yeah. -Perfect. 1705 01:07:03,650 --> 01:07:05,861 Okay. Hair and makeup, clear. 1706 01:07:06,153 --> 01:07:07,279 Clearing. 1707 01:07:07,446 --> 01:07:09,114 Please get the fuck out. Thank you. 1708 01:07:09,281 --> 01:07:11,450 Okay, and action! 1709 01:07:13,243 --> 01:07:16,246 Now that you've mastered all the technical know-how... 1710 01:07:16,413 --> 01:07:19,583 I think it's time we work on your sidewalk skills. 1711 01:07:19,750 --> 01:07:20,876 All right. 1712 01:07:21,376 --> 01:07:23,670 Daniel over here has kindly offered... 1713 01:07:23,837 --> 01:07:26,923 to aid us in a live demonstration. 1714 01:07:27,090 --> 01:07:28,759 Come on out, Danny. 1715 01:07:29,926 --> 01:07:31,386 Danny, enter. 1716 01:07:35,432 --> 01:07:37,434 No, you got to take off the robe. 1717 01:07:37,434 --> 01:07:39,227 I can lose it on the day. I figured I'd rehearse with... 1718 01:07:39,227 --> 01:07:41,146 No. You can lose the robe right now. 1719 01:07:47,360 --> 01:07:48,862 The shorts are too short. 1720 01:07:50,489 --> 01:07:52,699 Now, when a little piece-a heaven 1721 01:07:52,699 --> 01:07:55,368 - like Danny walks by... - Now strut. 1722 01:07:56,620 --> 01:07:58,079 - Here's how you make him feel... - Right. 1723 01:07:58,079 --> 01:07:59,289 ...right at home. 1724 01:08:00,248 --> 01:08:03,168 Voom, va-va voom! Va-va voom! 1725 01:08:03,335 --> 01:08:04,920 Show him how to do it, Gilda! 1726 01:08:05,170 --> 01:08:06,296 - Yeah! -Come on, Jane. 1727 01:08:06,463 --> 01:08:08,215 - Give it to him. - All right. 1728 01:08:09,382 --> 01:08:10,592 Hey, dreamboat. 1729 01:08:11,134 --> 01:08:13,970 What's the matter? Why don't you give me a little twirl? 1730 01:08:14,137 --> 01:08:17,140 Show me what you're workin' with. 1731 01:08:20,602 --> 01:08:21,812 Okay, give it to him, Laraine. 1732 01:08:26,233 --> 01:08:28,860 Hey, stud muffins, want to make bouncy bouncy? 1733 01:08:30,278 --> 01:08:31,404 Are we still doing the scene? Or... 1734 01:08:31,404 --> 01:08:32,531 What are ya talkin' to her for? 1735 01:08:32,531 --> 01:08:33,824 You're talkin' to me, joy chunks. 1736 01:08:33,824 --> 01:08:35,158 Stay in character, please. 1737 01:08:35,325 --> 01:08:37,077 - Hey. -Come on, baby. 1738 01:08:37,244 --> 01:08:39,037 Ya dropped somethin'. 1739 01:08:39,037 --> 01:08:40,664 Whoa! 1740 01:08:41,665 --> 01:08:43,166 Well, I guess I should just pick this up. 1741 01:08:49,130 --> 01:08:50,841 All right, all right. All right. 1742 01:08:51,007 --> 01:08:52,008 They are so cute 1743 01:08:52,008 --> 01:08:53,552 - when they're mad! - All right, thank you. 1744 01:08:53,552 --> 01:08:54,886 Okay, cut. 1745 01:08:57,389 --> 01:08:59,015 The shorts are too short. I told ya. 1746 01:08:59,766 --> 01:09:02,561 Here you go. It was a great scene. 1747 01:09:03,061 --> 01:09:04,062 - Yeah, strumpet. - Thanks. 1748 01:09:04,229 --> 01:09:05,897 All right, and we're movin' on. 1749 01:09:05,897 --> 01:09:07,065 Great rehearsal. Here we go. 1750 01:09:07,232 --> 01:09:09,901 We take you now to Ancient Greece... 1751 01:09:10,068 --> 01:09:11,444 as Alexander the Great... 1752 01:09:11,611 --> 01:09:14,030 attends his ten-year high school reunion. 1753 01:09:14,197 --> 01:09:15,782 Hey, boys, have you seen Jackie? 1754 01:09:17,367 --> 01:09:18,410 Gentlemen, you seen Jackie? 1755 01:09:21,621 --> 01:09:23,206 Look at that. My goodness. 1756 01:09:23,373 --> 01:09:24,791 Hey, hon. They need us in Athens. 1757 01:09:24,958 --> 01:09:26,042 Jesus, who's this guy? 1758 01:09:26,209 --> 01:09:27,711 Chevy, Milton taped a show here... 1759 01:09:27,878 --> 01:09:30,213 - back in 1956, isn't that neat? - Ooh! 1760 01:09:30,380 --> 01:09:31,423 She's taken. 1761 01:09:31,590 --> 01:09:33,466 What hours? I'll take the rest of the evening. 1762 01:09:33,633 --> 01:09:34,843 - Excuse me? -He's kidding. 1763 01:09:35,010 --> 01:09:36,094 Yeah, buddy, I'm kidding. 1764 01:09:36,261 --> 01:09:37,262 Oh, that's cute. 1765 01:09:37,429 --> 01:09:38,972 I remember when you used to do comedy. 1766 01:09:39,139 --> 01:09:40,557 Funny, 'cause I never heard of you. 1767 01:09:40,724 --> 01:09:42,350 That's probably the Alzheimer's. 1768 01:09:43,184 --> 01:09:44,644 What's the matter, did you wander off 1769 01:09:44,644 --> 01:09:46,980 onto an actual TV set? 1770 01:09:47,439 --> 01:09:48,565 Hey, darling, you're sitting 1771 01:09:48,565 --> 01:09:50,358 in front of the Ghost of Television Past. 1772 01:09:50,525 --> 01:09:51,526 This old man... 1773 01:09:51,693 --> 01:09:53,486 he used to be an institution. Now he needs one. 1774 01:09:55,363 --> 01:09:57,240 If you want my comeback, you're gonna have to scrape it 1775 01:09:57,240 --> 01:09:59,075 off the back of your mom's teeth. 1776 01:09:59,242 --> 01:10:00,410 Jesus. 1777 01:10:02,203 --> 01:10:03,246 You're gonna laugh at that? 1778 01:10:03,246 --> 01:10:04,414 Listen, sweetheart. 1779 01:10:04,581 --> 01:10:06,374 There's plenty more where that came from. 1780 01:10:07,834 --> 01:10:08,835 God. 1781 01:10:10,462 --> 01:10:11,296 Oh. 1782 01:10:11,880 --> 01:10:13,298 Do I have your attention? 1783 01:10:19,220 --> 01:10:21,139 I have two stars on the Walk of Fame. 1784 01:10:21,139 --> 01:10:22,766 - Oh. - Oh, yeah. Who gives a shit? 1785 01:10:22,766 --> 01:10:23,808 Hmm. 1786 01:10:23,808 --> 01:10:25,018 I once held 97%... 1787 01:10:25,185 --> 01:10:27,604 of America's television viewing audience. 1788 01:10:29,898 --> 01:10:31,483 That's not what they're gonna remember. 1789 01:10:32,484 --> 01:10:34,694 They're gonna remember Mr. Television. 1790 01:10:35,654 --> 01:10:37,113 Their Uncle Miltie. 1791 01:10:39,074 --> 01:10:40,367 Who the fuck are you, kid? 1792 01:10:42,118 --> 01:10:43,203 You're not a star. 1793 01:10:45,080 --> 01:10:47,082 You're barely in the fucking building. 1794 01:10:50,585 --> 01:10:52,170 You're not even a swingin' dick. 1795 01:10:55,215 --> 01:10:56,800 Call me after he's done crying. 1796 01:10:56,967 --> 01:10:59,344 Are you shitting me? 1797 01:10:59,511 --> 01:11:01,096 Are you shitting me with this costume? 1798 01:11:01,262 --> 01:11:02,263 Can you make a path? 1799 01:11:02,263 --> 01:11:03,974 There's an actual comedian coming through. 1800 01:11:04,140 --> 01:11:05,600 Wow. Look at these columns. 1801 01:11:05,767 --> 01:11:07,352 I feel transported. Oh! 1802 01:11:07,936 --> 01:11:09,646 Hey, George. How can I help? 1803 01:11:10,230 --> 01:11:12,190 So, what is this? 1804 01:11:12,357 --> 01:11:14,901 Why am I dressed like a fuckin' towel boy from Caesar's? 1805 01:11:15,068 --> 01:11:17,404 Well, I believe you're Alexander the Great at his... 1806 01:11:17,570 --> 01:11:19,030 Ten-year high school reunion. 1807 01:11:19,197 --> 01:11:20,198 - Thank you, Don. - Exactly. 1808 01:11:20,365 --> 01:11:21,533 So, when Chevy asks what you've been up to... 1809 01:11:21,700 --> 01:11:22,951 your response is, "You know... 1810 01:11:23,118 --> 01:11:25,620 "mostly conquering the known universe." 1811 01:11:26,746 --> 01:11:28,498 Right. And this is for television. 1812 01:11:28,498 --> 01:11:30,000 - Right. - What's your concern, George? 1813 01:11:30,166 --> 01:11:31,292 My real concern is why I let my agent 1814 01:11:31,292 --> 01:11:32,377 convince me to do your show. 1815 01:11:32,377 --> 01:11:33,461 Do you need some help with the script? 1816 01:11:33,628 --> 01:11:35,296 I'd just love to know where the humor is. 1817 01:11:35,463 --> 01:11:37,424 It's like a Spruce Goose. It's a lot of wood, no lift off. 1818 01:11:37,424 --> 01:11:38,550 Well, we can rewrite. I mean, we have... 1819 01:11:38,550 --> 01:11:39,634 Is that right? 1820 01:11:39,634 --> 01:11:40,802 - Jesus Christ. - Great. 1821 01:11:40,969 --> 01:11:42,512 - We could find... - No, no, no. George, I hear you. 1822 01:11:42,512 --> 01:11:44,097 -We want to make it work. - I think I understand 1823 01:11:44,097 --> 01:11:45,932 the reason you might be struggling. 1824 01:11:46,641 --> 01:11:48,018 You see, these are scenes. 1825 01:11:48,184 --> 01:11:49,185 Well, sketches. 1826 01:11:49,185 --> 01:11:51,062 - They revolve around acting. - Michael... 1827 01:11:51,229 --> 01:11:52,230 And that must feel foreign 1828 01:11:52,230 --> 01:11:53,314 when you're a ponytailed vulture... 1829 01:11:53,314 --> 01:11:55,150 feeding off the corpse of Lenny Bruce. 1830 01:12:00,989 --> 01:12:02,741 It's okay. He's right. You're right. 1831 01:12:06,453 --> 01:12:08,079 Because I wouldn't want to make these skits 1832 01:12:08,079 --> 01:12:09,998 any worse than they actually are. 1833 01:12:10,457 --> 01:12:13,501 It's a great thing no one will be watching. 1834 01:12:13,668 --> 01:12:15,837 Enjoy your fucking little circle jerk. 1835 01:12:16,004 --> 01:12:17,964 - We already are. -Oh, your mom's here? 1836 01:12:22,052 --> 01:12:23,303 Well, he's in character. 1837 01:12:46,534 --> 01:12:47,535 It's shit. 1838 01:13:04,803 --> 01:13:06,137 Lorne, Lorne. 1839 01:13:06,971 --> 01:13:07,972 Lorne. 1840 01:13:08,640 --> 01:13:09,724 Lorne, great news. 1841 01:13:09,891 --> 01:13:11,893 We figured it out. Ready? 1842 01:13:17,482 --> 01:13:18,483 Ta-da. 1843 01:13:19,192 --> 01:13:21,236 - We cut the toga sketch. - Oh. 1844 01:13:21,903 --> 01:13:23,530 Even without Alexander, we're still 30 over. 1845 01:13:23,696 --> 01:13:25,782 Maybe we don't need four musical performances? 1846 01:13:25,949 --> 01:13:27,826 Or maybe we could trim one of the Carlin monologues. 1847 01:13:27,992 --> 01:13:28,993 Okay. 1848 01:13:36,376 --> 01:13:37,961 What about now? Are we under now? 1849 01:13:39,129 --> 01:13:40,255 We can make it work. 1850 01:13:45,885 --> 01:13:47,095 Hey, hey, Lorne, Lorne. 1851 01:13:47,262 --> 01:13:50,515 Look, I know it's probably a bad time and all, but, um... 1852 01:13:51,474 --> 01:13:52,475 but Valri and I have been talking... 1853 01:13:52,475 --> 01:13:53,560 Yeah. 1854 01:13:53,560 --> 01:13:55,645 ...and we can't accept anything less than four minutes a piece. 1855 01:13:55,645 --> 01:13:57,355 So, that's four minutes for me, four minutes for Valri. 1856 01:13:57,522 --> 01:13:58,731 Look, we've just been... 1857 01:13:59,149 --> 01:14:00,608 working too hard on our material 1858 01:14:00,608 --> 01:14:02,235 to accept anything less so it's... 1859 01:14:02,944 --> 01:14:04,070 four minutes or nothin'. 1860 01:14:04,320 --> 01:14:05,738 Well, I need two minutes. 1861 01:14:06,114 --> 01:14:07,490 You need me to cut two minutes of my sketch? 1862 01:14:07,490 --> 01:14:08,575 I could do that, Lorne. 1863 01:14:08,575 --> 01:14:10,118 I mean, that's six minutes only, you know. I can make that... 1864 01:14:10,285 --> 01:14:11,578 No, I need two minutes of material. 1865 01:14:12,328 --> 01:14:13,413 It's two minutes or nothing. 1866 01:14:13,830 --> 01:14:15,081 Is this for real? 'Cause... 1867 01:14:15,832 --> 01:14:17,584 Okay, I killed at dress, right? 1868 01:14:17,584 --> 01:14:19,002 I'm the only good act that killed at dress. 1869 01:14:19,002 --> 01:14:20,086 I can do the show, so... 1870 01:14:20,086 --> 01:14:21,379 Billy, can you make it work in two minutes? 1871 01:14:21,546 --> 01:14:23,756 - I can't even set it up in two. - Then I don't know what to say. 1872 01:14:23,923 --> 01:14:25,091 I'm sorry it didn't work out. 1873 01:14:25,550 --> 01:14:26,551 Can you make it in two? 1874 01:14:27,552 --> 01:14:28,887 - Yes. - Great. 1875 01:14:36,603 --> 01:14:38,021 Lorne, Lorne. 1876 01:14:38,938 --> 01:14:39,772 Uh... 1877 01:14:41,232 --> 01:14:42,233 I was thinking... 1878 01:14:42,942 --> 01:14:44,152 why don't we punt? 1879 01:14:46,154 --> 01:14:48,865 Come back stronger next week, debut with Paul Simon. 1880 01:14:49,282 --> 01:14:50,366 That's what you've been thinking? 1881 01:14:50,533 --> 01:14:53,077 Listen, no one wants this show to succeed more than I do. 1882 01:14:53,244 --> 01:14:54,245 Is that so? 1883 01:14:54,954 --> 01:14:56,998 I mean, yeah, I hired you, Lorne. 1884 01:14:57,498 --> 01:14:58,917 I take it up the ass from this network every day... 1885 01:14:59,083 --> 01:15:00,501 because I believe in this show. 1886 01:15:00,668 --> 01:15:02,670 And I'm telling you, we should run the dress rehearsal... 1887 01:15:02,837 --> 01:15:04,422 and claw back a win next Saturday. 1888 01:15:04,589 --> 01:15:05,965 It's in everyone's best interest. 1889 01:15:05,965 --> 01:15:07,217 Mainly yours. 1890 01:15:07,217 --> 01:15:08,593 Sorry. Was that a threat? 1891 01:15:08,760 --> 01:15:10,595 No. What? No. 1892 01:15:10,970 --> 01:15:13,223 Lorne, all I'm trying to do is give you advice. 1893 01:15:13,389 --> 01:15:14,557 25 minutes! 1894 01:15:15,892 --> 01:15:17,560 Thanks for the advice, but we can't, Dick. 1895 01:15:17,560 --> 01:15:18,645 It's a live show. 1896 01:15:18,645 --> 01:15:19,729 No one's gonna know the difference. 1897 01:15:19,729 --> 01:15:21,314 - We just can't. - Lorne, you need to start 1898 01:15:21,314 --> 01:15:23,316 adjusting your concept of what you can and cannot do. 1899 01:15:23,316 --> 01:15:24,901 We can't because there is no tape. 1900 01:15:25,068 --> 01:15:26,778 I didn't record the dress rehearsal. 1901 01:15:27,445 --> 01:15:29,155 So, we don't have to argue about it. 1902 01:15:30,531 --> 01:15:31,532 You didn't what? 1903 01:15:32,033 --> 01:15:33,034 We just have to make it to air. 1904 01:15:33,201 --> 01:15:35,036 Lorne, I'm not gonna be able to protect you. 1905 01:15:35,203 --> 01:15:37,664 - I'm used to that. - Oh, screw you. 1906 01:15:37,830 --> 01:15:40,208 Do you know how much bullshit never makes it to your ears? 1907 01:15:40,375 --> 01:15:41,709 Because I'm the wall they hit. 1908 01:15:41,876 --> 01:15:43,670 Tell that to your Polaroid rep. She's cute. 1909 01:15:43,836 --> 01:15:46,130 I'm sorry you need a sponsor for a show 1910 01:15:46,130 --> 01:15:47,840 that can't pull a single advertiser. 1911 01:15:48,007 --> 01:15:49,759 You know they're giving out the ads for free? 1912 01:15:49,926 --> 01:15:53,263 NBC is lucky to have something as relevant as this show. 1913 01:15:53,263 --> 01:15:54,597 Lorne, they don't even want it. 1914 01:15:54,597 --> 01:15:55,682 That's logical, Dick. That's why 1915 01:15:55,682 --> 01:15:56,891 they're paying us all to be here. 1916 01:16:00,687 --> 01:16:02,188 They want you to fail. 1917 01:16:02,605 --> 01:16:03,648 They're betting on it. 1918 01:16:03,648 --> 01:16:04,774 Really? 1919 01:16:04,774 --> 01:16:06,025 NBC makes more money 1920 01:16:06,025 --> 01:16:07,986 playing reruns of The Tonight Show. 1921 01:16:08,152 --> 01:16:10,321 - So, why don't they? - It's a contract dispute, Lorne. 1922 01:16:10,488 --> 01:16:12,240 I mean, they're trying to prove to Johnny Carson 1923 01:16:12,240 --> 01:16:13,825 that the reruns are inevitable. 1924 01:16:13,992 --> 01:16:17,036 So, they built a show that was guaranteed to fail. 1925 01:16:17,203 --> 01:16:19,247 I mean, Lorne, 90 minutes of live television 1926 01:16:19,247 --> 01:16:20,581 by a group of 20-year-olds... 1927 01:16:20,748 --> 01:16:21,916 who've never made anything. 1928 01:16:22,166 --> 01:16:24,544 Do you ever stop and wonder why they said yes? 1929 01:16:24,711 --> 01:16:27,630 A counterculture show starring total unknowns... 1930 01:16:27,797 --> 01:16:30,258 with zero narrative and even less structure? 1931 01:16:30,425 --> 01:16:32,552 Are you that fucking arrogant... 1932 01:16:33,011 --> 01:16:35,096 that you never even questioned this? 1933 01:16:38,016 --> 01:16:39,559 Now, look, you want to know what's gonna happen 1934 01:16:39,559 --> 01:16:41,436 at 11:30 tonight? Okay. 1935 01:16:42,020 --> 01:16:43,313 Your actors will be on their marks. 1936 01:16:43,479 --> 01:16:45,231 Band's tuned up, all ready to go. 1937 01:16:45,398 --> 01:16:46,858 Joe will be hollering out the countdown... 1938 01:16:47,025 --> 01:16:48,234 and you'll be in the control room... 1939 01:16:48,401 --> 01:16:50,695 and Dave Tebet will be standing probably right next to you. 1940 01:16:50,862 --> 01:16:52,322 And when those screens go black... 1941 01:16:52,488 --> 01:16:53,865 he will raise his big-ass, 1942 01:16:53,865 --> 01:16:55,491 jeweled-up index finger and say... 1943 01:16:55,658 --> 01:16:56,701 "Go to Carson." 1944 01:16:57,076 --> 01:16:58,411 And that will be that. 1945 01:16:59,787 --> 01:17:00,830 You blew it. 1946 01:17:05,293 --> 01:17:07,754 And listen, I know you all make fun of me... 1947 01:17:07,920 --> 01:17:09,297 and my clothes behind my back. 1948 01:17:10,173 --> 01:17:12,175 But, Lorne, I'm killing myself for this show. 1949 01:17:14,510 --> 01:17:16,012 Also, Polaroid is cool. 1950 01:17:36,532 --> 01:17:38,659 - Oh, shit! Lorne. - It worked! 1951 01:17:44,165 --> 01:17:45,458 Nice work, fellas. 1952 01:17:46,709 --> 01:17:48,211 A little heavy on the flow, but very funny. 1953 01:17:49,337 --> 01:17:50,338 Sorry about the clothes. 1954 01:17:50,505 --> 01:17:51,798 And your face. 1955 01:17:53,716 --> 01:17:58,137 Art is but a measure of sacrifice and tears. 1956 01:17:59,639 --> 01:18:00,681 Not quite ready for tonight, 1957 01:18:00,681 --> 01:18:02,517 but I'll keep it on a special list. 1958 01:18:04,310 --> 01:18:06,020 "Special list"? 1959 01:18:19,909 --> 01:18:20,910 Lobby. 1960 01:18:25,331 --> 01:18:26,999 This an okay time? 1961 01:18:28,042 --> 01:18:29,043 Ideal. 1962 01:18:29,377 --> 01:18:30,378 Look... 1963 01:18:32,130 --> 01:18:33,589 I know what people say... 1964 01:18:33,756 --> 01:18:36,634 when they see a man with his arm up a Muppet. 1965 01:18:37,844 --> 01:18:38,678 But... 1966 01:18:39,178 --> 01:18:41,514 this isn't just kid's stuff. 1967 01:18:42,348 --> 01:18:44,225 I believe, deep in my heart... 1968 01:18:44,392 --> 01:18:47,603 that there is room for high-stakes puppetry... 1969 01:18:47,770 --> 01:18:49,397 on grown-up TV. 1970 01:18:49,647 --> 01:18:52,650 And... I get the sense that... 1971 01:18:52,817 --> 01:18:54,986 some of the writers on the 17th floor 1972 01:18:54,986 --> 01:18:56,946 don't share that dream. 1973 01:18:59,282 --> 01:19:01,033 You didn't like the pages? 1974 01:19:04,203 --> 01:19:05,621 There were no pages. 1975 01:19:06,456 --> 01:19:08,875 That's fair criticism. 1976 01:19:11,085 --> 01:19:12,295 Free show! 1977 01:19:12,879 --> 01:19:14,005 Free show, sir? 1978 01:19:14,797 --> 01:19:15,798 Free show. 1979 01:19:17,633 --> 01:19:19,719 Plenty of tickets left, guys. Free show. 1980 01:19:20,136 --> 01:19:21,471 The night's still young. 1981 01:19:22,263 --> 01:19:23,347 Hey, man! How's it going? 1982 01:19:29,103 --> 01:19:31,147 Thank you. Long Island. 1983 01:19:31,606 --> 01:19:32,815 Massapequa Park. 1984 01:19:33,274 --> 01:19:34,275 Hello? 1985 01:20:04,972 --> 01:20:06,516 My family had trouble fittin' in 1986 01:20:06,516 --> 01:20:08,100 when they got to America. 1987 01:20:08,267 --> 01:20:09,727 Even though my great-grandfather 1988 01:20:09,727 --> 01:20:11,979 actually fought in the Civil War... 1989 01:20:12,313 --> 01:20:14,232 he fought for the West. 1990 01:20:14,232 --> 01:20:16,484 - Jesus Christ. -Okay. 1991 01:20:16,651 --> 01:20:18,569 This drunk, he's in front of the bench. 1992 01:20:18,736 --> 01:20:21,030 The judge says, "Hey, we brought you in for drinking." 1993 01:20:21,197 --> 01:20:23,241 And the drunk goes, "Great. What are we havin'?" 1994 01:20:24,951 --> 01:20:28,371 That's not the punch line. Jesus, fucking bullshit! 1995 01:20:28,538 --> 01:20:29,789 What's happening here? 1996 01:20:30,540 --> 01:20:33,960 I get paid seven bucks a joke, if it gets a laugh. Which... 1997 01:20:34,335 --> 01:20:36,003 This putz is taking bulletproof material 1998 01:20:36,003 --> 01:20:37,088 and filling it with lead. 1999 01:20:37,088 --> 01:20:38,297 You wrote his jokes? 2000 01:20:38,297 --> 01:20:40,424 Yeah. I wrote things that vaguely resemble 2001 01:20:40,424 --> 01:20:41,759 the things that he's saying. 2002 01:20:42,468 --> 01:20:44,720 Why don't you just perform them yourself? 2003 01:20:45,388 --> 01:20:47,431 Look at me. This is how much I sweat off-stage. 2004 01:20:47,807 --> 01:20:49,600 I get home from work the other night... 2005 01:20:49,976 --> 01:20:52,562 I see my wife in bed with my best friend. 2006 01:20:52,728 --> 01:20:55,565 I say to him, I go, "I have to, but you?" 2007 01:20:55,731 --> 01:20:57,441 - Oh, my God. - How many do you have in here? 2008 01:20:57,608 --> 01:21:00,111 About 1,100. They're single-spaced. 2009 01:21:00,528 --> 01:21:01,862 Sorry, do you mind if I go through them? 2010 01:21:02,029 --> 01:21:04,198 - Bring up the next comedian! - Yeah. Go for it. 2011 01:21:04,365 --> 01:21:05,408 I'm sure you'll hate him, too. 2012 01:21:09,328 --> 01:21:10,329 Move. 2013 01:21:14,041 --> 01:21:16,377 God. That was fuckin' rough. Shit crowd. 2014 01:21:16,544 --> 01:21:17,878 Yeah, that was it. 2015 01:21:19,547 --> 01:21:20,548 Hey, come on. What's with the quarters? 2016 01:21:20,715 --> 01:21:23,801 Well, I changed the punch line from 46 to 49... 2017 01:21:23,968 --> 01:21:25,803 for the line about the Buick. 2018 01:21:25,970 --> 01:21:27,096 Much bigger laugh, by the way. 2019 01:21:27,263 --> 01:21:29,515 So, that means I only owe you $3.50. 2020 01:21:29,682 --> 01:21:30,683 You want a job? 2021 01:21:30,850 --> 01:21:31,976 That would be great. 2022 01:21:32,143 --> 01:21:33,686 I want a length of rope and a sturdy beam. 2023 01:21:33,853 --> 01:21:35,771 How much do you need to live? 2024 01:21:35,938 --> 01:21:38,149 I make three bucks an hour at my day job. Match it. 2025 01:21:38,316 --> 01:21:40,026 Tell him what you really do. Tell him. 2026 01:21:40,192 --> 01:21:41,444 He's a deli boy. 2027 01:21:41,611 --> 01:21:44,196 Okay? He's a schmuck in a little paper hat... 2028 01:21:44,196 --> 01:21:46,866 who slices the pastrami behind the counter. 2029 01:21:46,866 --> 01:21:48,409 And he can barely do that. 2030 01:21:48,409 --> 01:21:49,702 Tell him what you did to your finger. 2031 01:21:49,952 --> 01:21:51,537 You're hired. Lorne Michaels. 2032 01:21:51,704 --> 01:21:54,498 - Alan. Zweibel. - Are you fucking kidding me? 2033 01:21:54,665 --> 01:21:56,042 You'd be better off buying the pastrami. 2034 01:21:56,208 --> 01:21:57,209 Let's go. 2035 01:21:57,376 --> 01:21:58,586 Wait, what? When do we start? 2036 01:21:58,586 --> 01:22:00,921 Um... Jesus Christ. 2037 01:22:02,423 --> 01:22:04,508 You can't... You better not leave. 2038 01:22:05,009 --> 01:22:06,552 This is not gonna be good for you. 2039 01:22:06,552 --> 01:22:08,638 I was gonna take you to Reno. 2040 01:22:16,646 --> 01:22:18,022 Look at that form. 2041 01:22:18,689 --> 01:22:19,899 Beautiful. 2042 01:22:31,035 --> 01:22:32,828 You ever have nostalgia for a moment 2043 01:22:32,828 --> 01:22:34,121 while you're still in it? 2044 01:22:36,499 --> 01:22:38,250 I mean, like... 2045 01:22:39,210 --> 01:22:41,253 You're in the moment, but you're also... 2046 01:22:41,712 --> 01:22:43,714 looking back on it. Like... 2047 01:22:44,799 --> 01:22:47,468 Right now, I'm here, but I'm also... 2048 01:22:47,968 --> 01:22:50,680 thinking about this moment 20 years from now. 2049 01:22:50,846 --> 01:22:52,431 We're walking by this ice rink. 2050 01:22:53,516 --> 01:22:54,767 Maybe it's Christmas... 2051 01:22:54,934 --> 01:22:57,978 and our kids are draggin' us by our pinkies... 2052 01:22:58,437 --> 01:23:01,774 and we got presents loaded on our shoulders... 2053 01:23:02,692 --> 01:23:04,610 and all we can think about is this moment, 2054 01:23:04,610 --> 01:23:06,696 right before we went on TV. 2055 01:23:14,036 --> 01:23:15,413 You know, the NBC liability act 2056 01:23:15,413 --> 01:23:16,956 forbids you from ice skating. 2057 01:23:18,290 --> 01:23:19,291 I found John. 2058 01:23:19,458 --> 01:23:20,459 Oh, excellent work, Gilda. 2059 01:23:20,626 --> 01:23:22,670 Good thing I didn't sign my contract. 2060 01:23:25,923 --> 01:23:27,133 What's the deal, John? 2061 01:23:29,051 --> 01:23:30,302 You on the show or not? 2062 01:23:35,224 --> 01:23:38,269 The one where I get to dress up like a giant, grotesque bee? 2063 01:23:39,145 --> 01:23:41,272 I don't know. Let me ask my childhood dreams. 2064 01:23:46,235 --> 01:23:48,028 I want to try a triple axel. 2065 01:23:48,571 --> 01:23:50,197 Now we're talkin'. 2066 01:23:50,364 --> 01:23:51,824 How about a single axel? 2067 01:23:52,241 --> 01:23:53,242 Nah. 2068 01:23:54,118 --> 01:23:56,412 I figure I can either pull off the triple... 2069 01:23:57,830 --> 01:23:58,914 or die trying. 2070 01:24:00,040 --> 01:24:01,250 Those are the options? 2071 01:24:10,134 --> 01:24:12,762 Okay, John. I... I... 2072 01:24:12,762 --> 01:24:14,305 I support it. 2073 01:24:21,687 --> 01:24:22,688 Oh, God. 2074 01:24:34,867 --> 01:24:36,702 - He's gonna break something. - Oh, God. 2075 01:24:39,997 --> 01:24:41,081 - Oh, fuck! - Shit. John! 2076 01:24:41,081 --> 01:24:42,166 John? 2077 01:24:42,583 --> 01:24:43,959 -John! -Fuck! 2078 01:24:44,126 --> 01:24:45,127 Are you okay? 2079 01:24:49,715 --> 01:24:51,258 You all right? I yield. 2080 01:24:52,593 --> 01:24:54,136 I accept your surrender. 2081 01:24:54,303 --> 01:24:56,680 Do you want me to help you up? 2082 01:24:56,847 --> 01:24:57,848 No. 2083 01:24:58,933 --> 01:25:00,768 I'm just gonna lie here for a minute. 2084 01:25:02,436 --> 01:25:04,355 Okay, sure. Yeah. 2085 01:25:05,147 --> 01:25:06,774 We have all the time in the world. 2086 01:25:12,029 --> 01:25:14,073 Who is that asshole, anyway? 2087 01:25:15,324 --> 01:25:16,700 It's Prometheus. 2088 01:25:17,785 --> 01:25:19,411 He stole fire from the cauldron of the gods... 2089 01:25:19,578 --> 01:25:22,540 gave it to man, so we could have science and the arts. 2090 01:25:26,460 --> 01:25:28,045 All right. I'm gonna head back up. 2091 01:25:29,255 --> 01:25:30,965 We have a show to put on... 2092 01:25:31,131 --> 01:25:33,092 and I'd like to be there when I get fired. 2093 01:25:34,885 --> 01:25:36,303 I'd hope to see you there, too, John. 2094 01:25:57,700 --> 01:25:58,742 - Hey! -Hey. 2095 01:25:58,909 --> 01:26:00,744 Heard you needed a quick change for the last act? 2096 01:26:00,911 --> 01:26:01,912 Thank you. 2097 01:26:09,587 --> 01:26:10,921 What should I say when I get up there? 2098 01:26:11,088 --> 01:26:12,631 - How should I know? - You're the writer. 2099 01:26:12,798 --> 01:26:14,216 - You're the talker. - I'm the talker? 2100 01:26:14,383 --> 01:26:16,427 Yeah, you talk the peel off a grape. 2101 01:26:17,511 --> 01:26:18,512 That was funny. 2102 01:26:26,520 --> 01:26:27,563 Rose, I won't be offended 2103 01:26:27,563 --> 01:26:29,189 if you don't want to use my last name. 2104 01:26:29,940 --> 01:26:31,984 It's not your last name, Lipowitz. 2105 01:26:36,238 --> 01:26:37,281 Whoa! 2106 01:26:37,281 --> 01:26:38,657 Check it out! Full house, right? 2107 01:26:38,824 --> 01:26:39,825 What did you tell them? 2108 01:26:39,992 --> 01:26:41,201 Well, I kind of had to lie a little bit, 2109 01:26:41,201 --> 01:26:42,286 but the vibes are really good. 2110 01:26:42,453 --> 01:26:43,621 Can we start to let them in? 2111 01:26:43,621 --> 01:26:45,623 - Uh... Almost. - All right. 2112 01:26:45,789 --> 01:26:47,374 Five minutes, guys. 10 minutes tops. 2113 01:26:47,374 --> 01:26:48,834 Let's keep these vibes going! 2114 01:26:55,174 --> 01:26:56,675 - Adequate? - Adequate. 2115 01:27:00,679 --> 01:27:03,057 - Can you imagine being first up? - Opening the show and all. 2116 01:27:03,223 --> 01:27:04,224 Millions of people trying to decide... 2117 01:27:04,391 --> 01:27:06,560 How they want to spend their Saturday night. 2118 01:27:06,727 --> 01:27:08,812 What's the first thing they see? No logo, no intro. 2119 01:27:08,812 --> 01:27:10,272 Nope. Just a close up of your pretty face. 2120 01:27:10,272 --> 01:27:11,649 - Nah. - Nah. Who gives a fuck, right? 2121 01:27:11,649 --> 01:27:12,733 Yeah. It's just a bunch of animals 2122 01:27:12,733 --> 01:27:13,817 watching their lava lamps. 2123 01:27:13,817 --> 01:27:14,902 You're gonna do great. 2124 01:27:14,902 --> 01:27:15,986 -Yeah. - Fuck off. 2125 01:27:15,986 --> 01:27:17,196 -We're pullin' for you. -Break a leg! 2126 01:27:20,157 --> 01:27:22,493 You the writer Lorne found in a bar? 2127 01:27:23,243 --> 01:27:24,703 That's a slightly romantic read of the story, 2128 01:27:24,703 --> 01:27:25,871 but, yeah, I guess so. 2129 01:27:26,038 --> 01:27:28,415 All right. Well, jump on in. Water's warm. 2130 01:27:28,582 --> 01:27:29,583 Okay. 2131 01:27:29,750 --> 01:27:31,293 Okay. Quiet, please! 2132 01:27:31,460 --> 01:27:34,296 Work stops now. We're holding for a sound check. 2133 01:27:34,463 --> 01:27:35,464 Who wants to do the sound check? 2134 01:27:35,631 --> 01:27:37,591 Garrett! Don't you know a song? 2135 01:27:38,717 --> 01:27:39,551 Hmm? 2136 01:27:43,764 --> 01:27:45,516 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 2137 01:27:48,227 --> 01:27:53,232 ♪ I'm ♪ 2138 01:27:53,399 --> 01:27:55,651 ♪ Gonna ♪ 2139 01:27:56,235 --> 01:27:59,405 ♪ Get me a shotgun And kill all the Whities I see ♪ 2140 01:27:59,780 --> 01:28:03,492 ♪ I'm gonna get me a shotgun And kill all the Whities I see ♪ 2141 01:28:03,659 --> 01:28:05,577 ♪ When I kill All the Whities I see ♪ 2142 01:28:05,744 --> 01:28:09,415 ♪ Then Whitey He won't bother me ♪ 2143 01:28:10,541 --> 01:28:13,919 ♪ Gonna get me a shotgun And kill all the Whities I see ♪ 2144 01:28:14,086 --> 01:28:17,256 ♪ I'm gonna get me a shotgun And kill all the Whities I see ♪ 2145 01:28:18,382 --> 01:28:21,885 ♪ I'm gonna get me a shotgun And kill all the Whities I see ♪ 2146 01:28:21,885 --> 01:28:24,013 ♪ When I kill All the Whities I see ♪ 2147 01:28:24,179 --> 01:28:27,933 ♪ Whitey, he won't bother me ♪ 2148 01:28:28,100 --> 01:28:30,477 ♪ Gonna get me a shotgun And kill all the Whities I ♪ 2149 01:28:30,644 --> 01:28:32,438 ♪ Gonna get me a shotgun And kill all the Whities I ♪ 2150 01:28:32,604 --> 01:28:35,649 ♪ Gonna get me a shotgun And kill all the Whities I see ♪ 2151 01:28:37,776 --> 01:28:39,820 Bravo! Garrett! 2152 01:28:40,279 --> 01:28:42,364 - That was fantastic. -Thank you. 2153 01:28:42,990 --> 01:28:43,991 Thank you. 2154 01:28:44,867 --> 01:28:45,868 That was perfect. 2155 01:28:45,868 --> 01:28:47,411 - You have an incredible voice. -You're still not 2156 01:28:47,411 --> 01:28:49,455 - gonna give me no lines. - It was beautiful. 2157 01:28:51,290 --> 01:28:54,168 Uh, gentlemen, how long have you been standing there? 2158 01:28:54,626 --> 01:28:55,753 Long enough. 2159 01:28:55,919 --> 01:28:57,046 Lorne, we need to let the audience in. 2160 01:28:57,504 --> 01:28:58,547 No, you don't. 2161 01:29:01,508 --> 01:29:04,011 Perhaps you kids aren't quite ready for prime time. 2162 01:29:04,178 --> 01:29:05,512 What are you talking about? 2163 01:29:05,846 --> 01:29:07,014 Look around, Lorne. 2164 01:29:07,806 --> 01:29:09,349 You haven't locked a script. 2165 01:29:09,933 --> 01:29:10,934 Your actors are missing. 2166 01:29:11,101 --> 01:29:12,436 Your crew is... 2167 01:29:12,811 --> 01:29:14,313 in open rebellion. 2168 01:29:18,734 --> 01:29:20,652 They'd be laughing at you in Burbank. 2169 01:29:22,112 --> 01:29:24,198 Burbank? Excuse me? This is New York fucking City. 2170 01:29:24,364 --> 01:29:25,365 Who's she? 2171 01:29:25,532 --> 01:29:26,658 - She... It's... - It's... I... 2172 01:29:26,825 --> 01:29:29,369 It's complicated. We have a hell of a show. 2173 01:29:29,536 --> 01:29:30,913 We have two bands. 2174 01:29:31,080 --> 01:29:33,123 We have seven of the brightest comedy minds alive. 2175 01:29:33,290 --> 01:29:34,708 You even know where they are? 2176 01:29:34,875 --> 01:29:36,293 Most of them. Yes. 2177 01:29:36,919 --> 01:29:39,546 Maybe we'll just try again next Saturday. 2178 01:29:39,713 --> 01:29:41,256 No. No, no, no. Don't do that. Come on. No. 2179 01:29:41,423 --> 01:29:43,675 Everybody in this room has been killing themselves... 2180 01:29:43,842 --> 01:29:45,177 - to make something special. - I know. 2181 01:29:45,344 --> 01:29:46,678 To make something innovative and actually good... 2182 01:29:46,845 --> 01:29:48,138 - for a change. -"For a change"? 2183 01:29:48,305 --> 01:29:49,681 Don't tell me that you've been doing this so long... 2184 01:29:49,848 --> 01:29:52,726 that you can't even recognize the potential for greatness... 2185 01:29:52,893 --> 01:29:54,645 when it's right in front of your face. 2186 01:29:56,230 --> 01:29:59,024 Do you even know what this show is? Tell me. 2187 01:30:09,076 --> 01:30:10,577 It's an all-nighter in the city. 2188 01:30:12,162 --> 01:30:15,082 It's catching Richard Pryor at a drop-in... 2189 01:30:15,249 --> 01:30:18,627 or finding Paul Simon strumming in the back of a dive bar. 2190 01:30:18,794 --> 01:30:21,004 It's meeting a girl outside of a bodega... 2191 01:30:21,171 --> 01:30:23,132 and getting lucky in a phone booth. 2192 01:30:24,216 --> 01:30:25,634 It's everything you think is going to happen 2193 01:30:25,634 --> 01:30:27,594 when you move to the city. That's our show. 2194 01:30:28,053 --> 01:30:29,388 That's Saturday Night. 2195 01:30:29,555 --> 01:30:30,556 Show me. 2196 01:30:31,014 --> 01:30:32,015 Show you what? 2197 01:30:32,182 --> 01:30:33,600 Show me Saturday Night. 2198 01:30:33,600 --> 01:30:34,768 We go live in less than 10 minutes. 2199 01:30:34,768 --> 01:30:35,853 10 minutes! 2200 01:30:35,853 --> 01:30:37,312 No, you don't! 2201 01:30:39,815 --> 01:30:40,941 Show me. 2202 01:30:53,162 --> 01:30:57,124 ♪ Mr. Trouble Never hangs around ♪ 2203 01:30:57,291 --> 01:31:01,503 ♪ When he hears This Mighty sound ♪ 2204 01:31:01,670 --> 01:31:04,715 ♪ Here I come to save the day ♪ 2205 01:31:04,882 --> 01:31:08,719 ♪ That means that Mighty Mouse Is on the way ♪ 2206 01:31:09,136 --> 01:31:12,681 ♪ So, though we are In danger, we never despair ♪ 2207 01:31:12,848 --> 01:31:14,558 ♪ 'Cause we know That where there's danger ♪ 2208 01:31:14,725 --> 01:31:16,560 - ♪ He is there ♪ - ♪ He is there ♪ 2209 01:31:16,727 --> 01:31:17,728 ♪ On the land ♪ 2210 01:31:17,895 --> 01:31:20,981 ♪ On the sea, in the air ♪ 2211 01:31:21,148 --> 01:31:24,818 ♪ We're not worrying at all ♪ 2212 01:31:24,985 --> 01:31:28,530 ♪ We're just listening For his call ♪ 2213 01:31:28,947 --> 01:31:32,242 ♪ Here I come to save the day ♪ 2214 01:31:32,701 --> 01:31:35,787 ♪ That means that Mighty Mouse Is on the way ♪ 2215 01:31:42,419 --> 01:31:44,880 Andy, you're a genius. Now save your voice. 2216 01:31:47,216 --> 01:31:48,425 Pull up Weekend Update. 2217 01:31:48,592 --> 01:31:51,011 We're movin' to Weekend Update, let's go! 2218 01:31:51,511 --> 01:31:52,846 - Hey. - You take it. 2219 01:31:53,472 --> 01:31:54,932 - What do you mean? - The show needs a face. 2220 01:31:55,098 --> 01:31:56,099 Are you sure? 2221 01:31:56,475 --> 01:31:58,477 You were born for this. Trust me. 2222 01:31:59,269 --> 01:32:00,771 Should I make up a name for the news anchor? 2223 01:32:00,938 --> 01:32:02,981 Use Chevy Chase. No one will believe it. 2224 01:32:05,817 --> 01:32:07,903 Hey, remember this. When you... 2225 01:32:08,070 --> 01:32:09,446 look into the lens... 2226 01:32:09,613 --> 01:32:11,698 you're making eye contact with America. 2227 01:32:12,991 --> 01:32:14,451 And now... 2228 01:32:14,618 --> 01:32:17,371 Weekend Update with Chevy Chase! 2229 01:32:25,087 --> 01:32:26,088 Hey, doll. 2230 01:32:26,588 --> 01:32:27,589 What are you wearing? 2231 01:32:29,049 --> 01:32:30,676 Is that why I hear purring? 2232 01:32:32,010 --> 01:32:33,387 What do you got for me? 2233 01:32:33,553 --> 01:32:34,554 It's my favorite. 2234 01:32:36,974 --> 01:32:37,975 Okay, great. 2235 01:32:40,060 --> 01:32:41,061 Good... 2236 01:32:41,228 --> 01:32:42,938 Good evening. I'm Chevy Chase. 2237 01:32:43,272 --> 01:32:44,356 The Post Office announced today... 2238 01:32:44,523 --> 01:32:47,067 that it's going to issue a stamp commemorating prostitution... 2239 01:32:47,234 --> 01:32:48,443 in the United States. 2240 01:32:48,610 --> 01:32:49,611 It's a 10-cent stamp... 2241 01:32:49,903 --> 01:32:51,822 but if you want to lick it, it's a quarter. 2242 01:32:56,743 --> 01:32:58,704 All right, everyone. Eight minutes till showtime! 2243 01:33:00,789 --> 01:33:01,790 Open the doors! 2244 01:33:01,957 --> 01:33:02,958 Oh, thank God. 2245 01:33:03,959 --> 01:33:06,211 Ladies and gentlemen, Billy Preston. 2246 01:33:08,714 --> 01:33:11,049 Right this way, folks. You're in for a real treat. 2247 01:33:11,758 --> 01:33:12,759 Yeah! 2248 01:33:16,388 --> 01:33:18,682 ♪ Nothin' from nothin' leaves nothin' ♪ 2249 01:33:20,058 --> 01:33:21,435 ♪ You gotta have somethin' ♪ 2250 01:33:21,727 --> 01:33:22,978 Lorne, remember Carl? 2251 01:33:23,145 --> 01:33:25,605 Carl? Ooh, Carl! Have you ever used one of these before? 2252 01:33:25,772 --> 01:33:26,857 Not-a once. 2253 01:33:27,024 --> 01:33:28,400 You'll pick it up in no time. 2254 01:33:29,234 --> 01:33:30,694 ♪ You gotta have somethin' ♪ 2255 01:33:31,069 --> 01:33:32,321 ♪ If you wanna be with me ♪ 2256 01:33:39,786 --> 01:33:41,455 Come on, guys. Grab a brick! 2257 01:33:41,830 --> 01:33:43,915 ♪ I'm not tryin' To be your hero ♪ 2258 01:33:45,250 --> 01:33:48,795 ♪ 'Cause that zero Is too cold for me, ha ♪ 2259 01:33:51,089 --> 01:33:52,841 ♪ I'm not tryin' To be your highness ♪ 2260 01:33:53,091 --> 01:33:54,301 Heard you needed pages. 2261 01:33:55,052 --> 01:33:56,261 Oh, thanks, Mike. 2262 01:34:01,892 --> 01:34:02,893 Oh, no. 2263 01:34:07,564 --> 01:34:09,733 Dick, question. What is a "golden shower"? 2264 01:34:10,442 --> 01:34:13,195 - Oh. Uh... It's a yoga ritual... - Mmm... 2265 01:34:13,362 --> 01:34:14,446 ...in which practitioners... 2266 01:34:14,613 --> 01:34:18,325 greet the new day by allowing the golden rays of sun to... 2267 01:34:18,325 --> 01:34:19,743 - Shower. - Over their skin 2268 01:34:19,743 --> 01:34:20,827 - and warm their chakras. - Mmm. 2269 01:34:20,827 --> 01:34:22,412 - It's a California thing. - Mmm. 2270 01:34:22,412 --> 01:34:24,247 I've had at least 50 golden showers. 2271 01:34:24,706 --> 01:34:25,749 You heard him, Joan. 2272 01:34:25,749 --> 01:34:27,167 Sign the damn script. We're going to air. 2273 01:34:32,631 --> 01:34:34,800 ♪ Nothin' from nothin' Leaves nothin' ♪ 2274 01:34:36,468 --> 01:34:39,346 ♪ You gotta have somethin' If you wanna be with me ♪ 2275 01:34:41,890 --> 01:34:44,601 ♪ Don't you remember I told ya ♪ 2276 01:34:45,310 --> 01:34:47,437 ♪ That I'm a soldier On the war on poverty ♪ 2277 01:34:48,105 --> 01:34:50,482 Smith and Wesson K-Frame Model 19 Combat Magnum. 2278 01:34:50,649 --> 01:34:52,651 - Wallie, you son of a bitch! - Hey, you asked. 2279 01:34:52,818 --> 01:34:54,778 Wallie, my man. You got something for me? 2280 01:34:55,695 --> 01:34:56,780 Yes, you do. 2281 01:34:57,280 --> 01:34:59,282 George, I wanted to apologize for how you were treated... 2282 01:34:59,282 --> 01:35:00,367 Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 2283 01:35:01,159 --> 01:35:02,244 Are you having a stroke? 2284 01:35:02,244 --> 01:35:03,703 You need more coke? 2285 01:35:05,205 --> 01:35:06,206 Danny! 2286 01:35:14,923 --> 01:35:16,758 Hurry up. Come on, faster. 2287 01:35:17,551 --> 01:35:18,552 Watch your fingers. 2288 01:35:26,685 --> 01:35:28,145 Oh, boy. Lockjaw! 2289 01:35:28,687 --> 01:35:29,813 It's too much cocaine, 2290 01:35:29,813 --> 01:35:31,106 it's seizing up the old mandibulars. 2291 01:35:31,106 --> 01:35:32,941 Let's get some finger love in there, huh? 2292 01:35:33,108 --> 01:35:34,943 Yep. Just a little bit of this, you'll be fine. 2293 01:35:35,110 --> 01:35:36,278 - Okay, great. - There we go. 2294 01:35:38,238 --> 01:35:39,322 Hey! 2295 01:35:46,455 --> 01:35:47,664 Here we go! 2296 01:35:48,415 --> 01:35:49,583 ♪ Nothin' from nothin' ♪ 2297 01:35:51,626 --> 01:35:53,712 ♪ Nothin' from nothin Hey, now ♪ 2298 01:35:55,714 --> 01:35:56,882 ♪ Yeah ♪ 2299 01:35:56,882 --> 01:35:58,592 ♪ Ah, yeah, yeah ♪ 2300 01:35:58,592 --> 01:35:59,885 Can you get in that wig in 30 seconds? 2301 01:35:59,885 --> 01:36:01,553 -You got it, boss. - Has Henson got his pages? 2302 01:36:01,553 --> 01:36:02,637 He loves them. 2303 01:36:02,637 --> 01:36:04,097 - And will that crane get there? - It'll happen. 2304 01:36:04,097 --> 01:36:06,183 - Did you trim the fat on that? - Already on cue cards. 2305 01:36:06,600 --> 01:36:08,477 Laraine, I don't think you can make the change in... 2306 01:36:11,813 --> 01:36:13,023 Whoa. 2307 01:36:13,023 --> 01:36:14,232 I stand corrected. 2308 01:36:14,441 --> 01:36:15,650 Is that our show? 2309 01:36:16,193 --> 01:36:18,195 - That's our show. -Three minutes! 2310 01:36:18,570 --> 01:36:19,571 Yeah. 2311 01:36:22,782 --> 01:36:23,783 Last one. 2312 01:36:23,950 --> 01:36:26,828 - Last one. Get it in. Finally! - Yes! Come on! 2313 01:36:31,291 --> 01:36:34,753 Ladies and gentlemen, Billy Preston! 2314 01:37:00,320 --> 01:37:02,989 Photo! Photo! I want a photo! Come on, family photo! 2315 01:37:02,989 --> 01:37:04,783 No, no, no. We're at two minutes. There's no time! 2316 01:37:04,783 --> 01:37:06,368 No, come on. It'll never be the same 2317 01:37:06,368 --> 01:37:07,953 - after this. Come on. -Fuck! 2318 01:37:07,953 --> 01:37:10,455 I'm not leaving until I get my photo. Come on. 2319 01:37:10,622 --> 01:37:12,332 I guess everybody go ahead then. 2320 01:37:13,542 --> 01:37:14,918 Do we have a camera? 2321 01:37:16,836 --> 01:37:17,837 - I have a camera. -Just quickly. 2322 01:37:18,004 --> 01:37:19,381 Great. Yes! Come here. 2323 01:37:27,931 --> 01:37:30,141 All right. 60 seconds. Come on, everyone. 2324 01:37:30,308 --> 01:37:32,227 - Let's go, please. -After you, after you. 2325 01:37:32,227 --> 01:37:33,436 One minute. Let's go to work. 2326 01:37:39,276 --> 01:37:40,777 What are we using him for again? 2327 01:37:40,944 --> 01:37:42,821 -I don't really remember. -Sorry. 2328 01:37:43,697 --> 01:37:44,698 Thanks. 2329 01:37:44,864 --> 01:37:47,242 - Mmm, mmm, mmm. - Rocky, wake up. 2330 01:37:47,492 --> 01:37:48,660 Hey, hey, name. 2331 01:37:50,662 --> 01:37:52,622 Rosie, we need your last name for the credits. 2332 01:37:53,623 --> 01:37:54,874 - Shuster. - Shuster. 2333 01:38:00,338 --> 01:38:02,048 30 seconds! 2334 01:38:02,215 --> 01:38:04,092 Hey, can we get a mic check, please? 2335 01:38:05,677 --> 01:38:07,429 One, two... 2336 01:38:08,305 --> 01:38:09,306 three. 2337 01:38:09,472 --> 01:38:10,890 Somebody's got the yips. 2338 01:38:11,057 --> 01:38:12,475 -20 seconds. -Is Carlin in costume? 2339 01:38:12,767 --> 01:38:14,519 Yep, they settled on a T-shirt and jacket. 2340 01:38:14,686 --> 01:38:16,479 Mr. Carlin, may we get a mic check? 2341 01:38:16,646 --> 01:38:17,689 One, two, fuck you. 2342 01:38:17,856 --> 01:38:18,857 Subtle. 2343 01:38:19,024 --> 01:38:20,233 Carson's still cued for dead roll? 2344 01:38:20,400 --> 01:38:21,651 Are we going live or going to tape? 2345 01:38:26,531 --> 01:38:28,325 Pre-roll on VTR-14. 2346 01:38:29,659 --> 01:38:30,660 10 seconds. 2347 01:38:32,746 --> 01:38:33,913 Ready camera two. 2348 01:38:34,372 --> 01:38:35,457 Ready on the fade. 2349 01:38:35,790 --> 01:38:36,958 {\an8}Five, four... 2350 01:38:37,125 --> 01:38:38,710 Are we going live or going to tape? 2351 01:38:38,710 --> 01:38:40,128 ...three, two... 2352 01:38:41,713 --> 01:38:42,714 Go live. 2353 01:38:42,881 --> 01:38:44,299 - Okay, go live. - Go live. Live, live. Go live. 2354 01:38:44,466 --> 01:38:47,052 Fade up. And we are live. 2355 01:38:52,515 --> 01:38:54,100 Ready camera one. Take camera one. 2356 01:38:54,267 --> 01:38:55,268 Cue Belushi. 2357 01:38:58,313 --> 01:38:59,356 Cue John. 2358 01:38:59,522 --> 01:39:01,107 - Where's John? -Where the hell is he? 2359 01:39:01,274 --> 01:39:02,525 Cue John. 2360 01:39:37,686 --> 01:39:38,687 Good evening. 2361 01:39:38,853 --> 01:39:39,854 Good evening. 2362 01:39:40,397 --> 01:39:41,731 Hey, get closer. 2363 01:39:44,234 --> 01:39:46,236 Good evening. 2364 01:39:47,612 --> 01:39:49,906 Good evening. 2365 01:39:51,700 --> 01:39:53,785 Good evening. 2366 01:39:55,495 --> 01:39:56,621 Let us begin. 2367 01:39:57,205 --> 01:39:59,249 Repeat after me. 2368 01:40:01,418 --> 01:40:03,420 -"I would like... - I would like... 2369 01:40:04,421 --> 01:40:05,797 "...to feed your fingertips... 2370 01:40:05,964 --> 01:40:08,049 ...to feed your fingertips... 2371 01:40:09,384 --> 01:40:10,427 "...to the wolverines." 2372 01:40:10,593 --> 01:40:12,053 ...to the wolverines. 2373 01:40:13,513 --> 01:40:16,641 -Next, "I am afraid... - I am afraid... 2374 01:40:17,183 --> 01:40:18,184 "...we are out... 2375 01:40:18,351 --> 01:40:19,352 ...we are out... 2376 01:40:19,936 --> 01:40:21,813 -"...of badgers." - ...of badgers. 2377 01:40:23,398 --> 01:40:24,482 "Would you accept... 2378 01:40:25,108 --> 01:40:26,359 Would you accept... 2379 01:40:26,526 --> 01:40:28,403 -"...a wolverine... - ...a wolverine... 2380 01:40:29,529 --> 01:40:31,531 -"...in its place?" - ...in its place? 2381 01:40:33,908 --> 01:40:36,035 Next. "'Hey!' Ned exclaimed." 2382 01:40:36,536 --> 01:40:37,912 "Hey!" Ned exclaimed. 2383 01:40:41,207 --> 01:40:42,250 "Let's boil... 2384 01:40:42,417 --> 01:40:43,877 Let's boil... 2385 01:40:44,043 --> 01:40:46,504 -"...the wolverines." - ...the wolverines. 2386 01:40:47,964 --> 01:40:49,507 Next... 2387 01:41:19,579 --> 01:41:22,332 Live from New York. It's Saturday Night! 2388 01:48:55,284 --> 01:48:56,619 {\an8}Ah! 2389 01:48:56,619 --> 01:48:57,912 {\an8}All right, we're going to do it again. 2390 01:48:58,079 --> 01:49:00,581 {\an8}Now we got it. Now we got it. Go back. Go back. 175552