All language subtitles for Inside No. 9 S09E04 CTRL ALT ESC

This programme contains scenes which
some viewers may find disturbing

and some strong language

STATIC BUZZES

DOOR BEEPS

Boo!

WOMAN LAUGHS

Right, welcome to Locked And Loaded,

room nine, which we call
The Killer's Lair!

Are we all ensconced?

Excellent. So, have any of you
done an escape room before?

Yes, we all have.

We've all been forced
to do one, you mean.

Jason's a big fan.
Aren't you, darling?

Well, I wouldn't say that,

but we have done a lot
of the local ones,

most recently The Haunted Submarine
at Endgame, in Chester.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I hear they...

..they're pretty decent.

Did all the props work?

No. Yeah.

Most of them did.

Yeah, but there was a remote control
that needed new batteries.

Yeah, that doesn't surprise me.

They're known for cutting corners.

Anyway, you'll all know
about the basics, then.

Now, you've got 60 minutes
to find your way out of the room,

solving puzzles and
unlocking things as you go.

There is no need to force anything.

If it's meant to move, it'll move,

so please don't yank
the smoke alarm off the ceiling,

as a group of ladies did
the other week.

Stag and hen dos, they're the worst!

Anyway, I assume
that you're a family team,

so you'll all know
about the C word?

Yes, I've been married to him
for 20 years.

Mum! It's all right, Amy -
she's only joking.

I hope!

He means, of course...

ALL: Co-operation!

Exactly. Well done, Dad.

You'll have to work as a team

if you're going to escape in time.

Now, then...

Now, then...

..I'm sure you've all heard on
the news about the serial killer

known as Dr Death!

That's original. Shush.

So called because he likes
to experiment on his victims.

AMY: Oh, God, Dad.

This is too freaky.
I don't like it!

Oh, for God's sakes,

he's just an out-of-work actor,
Amy. It's not real.

LYNNE: Millie, don't be so rude!
I'm so sorry about that.

It's fine. I'm not
technically out of work.

I did recently have an availability
check for a three-man Much Ado

touring schools in Germany,
so, you know...fingers crossed.

Oh, sounds amazing.

It would be.

So, if I can get you all to line up
against the bed for me.

Absolutely. Come on, fall in.

Now, you were all on your way
to a local beauty spot

when you stopped by this cabin
to ask for directions.

Friendly man offered you
some iced tea,

and the next thing you know,

you're trapped down here
in his basement.

OBJECT CLATTERS

Oop, excuse me...

Dad, I'm scared.

It's all right, Amy.
We're going to get out.

This is so lame.

Looks like you're going to have
to find a key for that.

CHAIN RATTLES

Oh, no! Why's it always me?

Cos you're the most competitive.
Yes. Excuse me!

Wanting to succeed at something
isn't the same as being competitive.

No, but making your daughter cry
cos she couldn't guess

Squid Game at charades comes
pretty high on the list.

There's no such thing
as Octopus Tennis!

Right, it's all right, Dad -
I forgive you.

JASON CHUCKLES

I'll leave you with this,

in case you want to make any notes.

There is a walkie-talkie
on the table,

so if you get stuck or
you need a hint,

I'll be there to guide you.

But use them wisely.

You only get three clues
per game. Good luck.

DOOR BUZZES

Oh, and, er...

...if you hear this door
open at any stage,

I'd hide if I were you.

It's probably Dr Death
returning home.

MUFFLED: Fuck's sake! Stupid torch.

DOOR BUZZES

I think he's one of the ones
who takes his job

a bit too seriously, don't you?

Right, come on, you lot,
you know the drill.

Get looking! All right.

Mark out your territory,
shout if you find anything.

We'll use this desk as HQ.

You're not in the army now, Dad.

You got invalided out, remember?

Right, so what have we got?

We've got tools on the wall,

erm, some shoes in this corner...

..er...could be a hidden
object in this pipe.

Can you get your hand in, Ames?

It'd help if we knew
what we were looking for.

A key for this lock
would be a good start.

Can you feel anything? No.

I've found something.

SHE SCREAMS
SHE GASPS

Fucking hell, Amy,
it's only red paint.

He's not going
to actually murder us!

Millie, enough of
the attitude now, please.

We're trying to do
a nice thing for Dad.

Oh, yeah, really nice -

a windowless room with
a piss-stained mattress.

Well, look on the bright side -

it'll help you get used to
your university digs!

Ha-ha. Anyway, this isn't just
for me, it's for all of us,

to spend some quality time
together as a family.

SHE SCOFFS
I bet that's what Mr Fritzl said.

Millie! Who's Mr Fritzl?

Oh, come on, please!

We're not going to have a chance
to do things like this soon.

Amy's growing up,
you're going off to uni...

Dad, the only way you can get us
to spend time together

is to lock us in a basement
and chain yourself to a bed.

Don't you think
that tells you something?

SHE SCREAMS

SHE LAUGHS

Jesus!

JASON CHUCKLES

Wow, OK.

Oh, look. So, there's a
filing cabinet here,

and it's got a padlock on it.

Erm, and there's...

...four names.
We've got Jeannie, Bella Rose,

Sammie, and Georgina.

Maybe they're all his victims.

OK, and we're off!

Oh, Dad, I-I've found a scrapbook.

There might be something in here.

Good girl, Ames. Clever thinking.

You know, I went to school with
someone called Georgina.

My first girlfriend.

Bit of a tubby lass.

Dad! Georgie Porgie, we called her.

You can't say that.
All right, don't cancel me!

I've found Sammie.

OK, good. Come on,
let's have a look.

Right, so...

..OK, what do you see?

A girl. Anything else?

A dead girl.

If you reflect on it...?

Oh. Oh, yeah, a seven.

Sammie is a seven.

Well done, Millie.
Yep. Nice one.

Always pays to check the mirrors -

sometimes they're two-way.

BREATHES OUT SHARPLY

I keep getting the feeling
someone could be looking in on us.

Oh, Dad! There's a newspaper report

about a Jeannie Grey.

It says that she was found
with one ear missing.

Could that be a one, for one ear?

Hmm, I don't know.
It's a bit of a stretch, isn't it?

Let's have a look.

So, are you jealous of Dad
and his fat girlfriend?

HE CHUCKLES

'Course not.

Anyway, me and your dad don't
have any secrets from each other.

Really? Yeah.

So, he knows about what's
happening later?

That's different.

Is it? Yeah.

And I'm not having this discussion
in front of Dad, all right?

OK, fine.

So, we just keep on playing
happy families.

But you're the one that's going
to have to live with it.

I've got it. It's eight.

It's first letter of every line -
look.

"Earlier today... Idaho... Grey..."

E-I-G-H-T. Eight.

Oh, that's amazing!
How did you see that?

Well, it's the headline - look.

"Initial clues lead to discovery."

Ha! Ah, you're so clever, Dad!

Oh, look.

There's a missing person
poster here for Bella.

"Last seen wearing a pink dress
and bright green stilettos."

Shoes. Dammit!

I hate not being able
to do anything.

All right, hang on, I'll do it.

You're looking for a green stiletto.

I know, Jase. I'm not an idiot.

I didn't say you were.

What was all that about? What?

With Millie. I heard you whispering.

Nothing.

I don't like being excluded from
these conversations, OK?

OK.

Ah!

Green stiletto.

Size six.

So, that's eight, six, seven.

OK.

I've never wanted to be with
anyone else, you know.

Sorry?

WHISPERS: It's been a really hard
couple of years, Jase.

I need you to know I...

..I still love you.

What are you talking about?

You're not leaving me, are you?

Ugh! Will you two get a room,
please?

What's up? Don't you like seeing
your parents doing a bit of bondage?

Necrophilia, more like.

Oh, Millie. I'm getting a clue.

Oh, come on, you can't do that!

We've only been here ten minutes!
So?

He's right - you can't go
calling for backup just yet.

I thought you told me never
to be afraid to ask for help.

"If you ever need to speak
to someone, Millie,

"there's no shame in seeing
a therapist."

That's what you said. Did you?

Is there something wrong with
Millie? No, darling.

I just wanted you to have
someone to talk to, that's all.

Instead of my parents, you mean?

STATIC BUZZES

HOST: Hello?

Are you needing a hint?

Yeah. We need the number
for Georgina.

OK, well, I believe Dr Death
used to stalk his victims.

Perhaps he was following her
the day she was abducted?

For fuck's sake, can't you just
tell us the number,

so we can get out of here?

HE STAMMERS

Try and map her movements.
You've got two clues left.

AMY: There's a map over here.

Oh, yeah?
Come on, let's have a look.

Dad? I can't, can I? I'm hobbled.

MUM LAUGHS

OK, so, erm, Argyll Hotel...

Hang on, I've seen that.
I read a letter earlier.

Look. Here, this letter.

It says, er...

So, Georgina was seen
leaving the Argyll Hotel,

then County Hall, and then,
the post office.

Hang on, I think we've got
to pull this along here...

Right, how many places are there?

Let Amy do it.

The Midway Diner next. OK.

It's going to be a five.

Doctor's surgery...

..and then, finally Briar Park.
AMY LAUGHS

So, the numbers are eight,
six, seven, five.

Oh, look, it's a five, Mum!
It's a five!

Well done, Ames! Yes! Yes!

Yeah, I said that half an hour ago.

Oh, the whole...
the whole thing moves. Oh, wow.

Wow! What's happening?

It's not a filing cabinet.

It's a passageway! Go on, then.

No, I'm scared. Are you?
You go first.

All right, wish me luck.

Ooh.

Now, hang on! Don't leave me.

We've got to find a key
for this first!

Yeah, it might be through
there, genius.

No, we should've found it by now.

Just check under all the tables.

I should go with them.

Please, Millie.
I can't do this by myself.

Is there something going on
between you and Mum?

You can tell me, you know.

I have been! You just...
don't listen.

I do!

I do. I've heard everything
you've told me, I-I promise.

Look, I know
you're frustrated with me,

and you're angry that you feel
I haven't been there for you...

Dad, I don't want to have
this big talk now, OK?

It's too late for that.

The thing is, you're about
to go off to university

and have this whole new life and...

..I'm going to lose you.

I want this time to count.

What, so you've locked us
in a serial killer's basement?

Thanks. Great parenting.

HE GROANS
Millie, you can't go through life

being this furious at everything.

Things happen, and you need to find
a way of dealing with them,

find some resilience.

You don't have to worry about me -
I'm not going to do anything stupid.

But I do worry.

I lie awake at night worrying
about you.

You know, you've been around
for 18 years, and suddenly,

you're not going to be there
any more.

What am I meant to do?

Oh, well, I won't go, then.
I don't want you to go!

Honestly, I-I don't.

You're my first-born -
it's going to kill me.

But I want you to do it
for yourself.

Show everyone how strong
and capable you are.

I'm so proud of you, Millie.

I just wish you could hear that.

I remember we went ice-skating
one Christmas-time.

I think I must've been
seven or eight.

And I was just clinging to
the barrier the whole way round.

Yeah, I remember.

And you told me to let go of the
sides and dare to do it by myself,

but I was...

..just so scared that I'd fall over.

Well, you did fall over.
I know.

And when you came to help me up,
I dragged you down with me.

I was just terrified someone
would chop my fingers off

with their skates.

You can't not do something

just cos you're scared
of getting hurt.

Are you sure about that?

HE CHUCKLES

Crikey.

Looks like Dr Death
likes going ice-skating.

Come here.

TANNOY CLICKS ON

Hello?

Hello, can you hear us?

Yeah, yeah, we can hear you!

Where...? Hello, Jason?

Yeah, wh-where are you?
What's happening?

Well, if you can hear us,

we've found a key,
but we need Millie.

It takes three people to get it.
Can you come?

Go on, you go.

What, let go of the sides,
you mean?

Yeah, I'll be fine.

OK. Don't let Dr Death come for you.

I can take him.

Lynne, if you can hear me,
Millie's on her way to you now, OK?

Lynne?

HE SIGHS

CHAIN RATTLES

There's got to be something in here.

HE EXHALES

Need a...hook or something.

Well, now...

Maybe I need to send an SOS.

Right.

Four digits...

RATTLING

Rugby sevens.

15 players in a rugby team.

Come on, Jason, think.

No U - so it's R-G-B-Y.

So, that's R for red,

G for green,

B, Y...

So, that's five, one,
three, two...

Three, two...

CLICKS
HE GASPS

You clever bastard.

Perfect.

OK...

Right...

Ho-ho-ho, bingo!

Yes...

Let there be light.

HEAVY FOOTSTEPS

Shit!

DOOR BUZZES

RASPING BREATHING

LOUD THUD

SCRAPING

Hello?

DOOR BUZZES

Only me.

Sorry, we've had a bit of
a technical glitch.

Need to do an emergency assist.

What is it? It's annoying.

This should've come on when they
found the Tannoy through there.

Sometimes, if this is
in sleep mode too long,

it goes dormant and needs
a manual reboot.

Control, alt, escape.

See if that works.

So, how are you finding
the difficulty level?

Harder than Chester?
Er, it's OK, yeah.

The acrostic in the scrapbook
was a nice touch.

Yeah, it's a good room.

You know, we pride ourselves
on being very...very authentic.

Your daughters seem
to be coping with it.

Either that, or they're
putting on a very brave face.

A bit of both, I think.
They're indulging me.

I know none of them want
to be here really, but, well,

it's nice to do things together
as a family while we can.

Oh, yeah. No, they're going
to do just fine, I can tell.

COMPUTER JINGLE

There we are, we're back on.

Now, this is what
you should've seen earlier.

They can talk to you using
the intercom,

but you're going to need to find
a way to communicate with them.

OK, I'll work it out. Thank you.

I'll be watching!

DOOR BUZZES AND CLOSES

So...

Ah!

Hello?

Jason, is that you doing that?
Flash twice if that's you.

CHEERING

OK, OK, shush!

So, we've found the key, Jase.

It's in one of these jars,
but there's a padlock on it.

Now, Amy and Millie,
they can lift the screen,

but I need a four-letter word
to open the lock.

Can you see us?

AMY: Wait, wait, tell him
about the Morse code, Mum.

Yes, OK, there's
a Morse code alphabet here,

so I think you've got to find
something at your end

and tell us a word.

OK, OK, four-letter word...

Erm...
HE INHALES SHARPLY

Book, lamp, door...
Could be anything.

Sod it.

WALKIE-TALKIE BEEPS

Hello. Over.

HOST: Yes?

Yeah, I need another hint, please.

It's the four-letter word
to get the key. Over.

Well, have you tried looking at
the room from a different angle?

No. How do I do that? Over.

Well, there's lots of space
in that room.

You could almost fit a bar in.

Sorry, what's that? Over.

There's space for a bar...

Space - space bar.

You just hit the space bar
on the computer.

Thank you. Over and out.
One clue left.

CLICKS SPACE BAR

A star. OK, so...

CLICKS THREE TIMES

Come on, Lynne, you can do it.

Yeah, that's it.

OK, dot-dot-dot - S.

Good girl.

And then, T.

CLICKS TWICE

Er, dot-dash...

Oh, A!

S-T-A.

R. Star.

Yep, that's it. Well done, Jase.

HE CHUCKLES SOFTLY

Come on.

Yes! Finally.

What...?

Lynne?

Lynne?!

Lynne!

Help! Amy!

SCREAMING

Help! Help us!

Amy, I'm coming! Jesus...

Hello? Hello! I need help, please!

Hello, can you hear me?
I need help in here! Over!

BEEP

Hello! Please, come and let me out.

I need help! Over!

BEEP

Why can't you hear me?!

Over!

ECHOING VOICE FADES
MACHINE BEEPS

AMY: What do you think
he's thinking about?

I don't think he can think
anything at all, darling.

It's...it's just those machines
that are keeping him going.

LYNNE SNIFFLES

OK?

DOOR OPENS

Only me.

How are we? We're OK.

Doctor is just on his way.

Here.

I'm sure that he would've
been very proud.

How the fuck do you know?

Millie.

It's all right.

I just need to do one last
check of his vitals.

Oh, Amy! thank God!
Where's Millie?!

I'm here! I'm here.

OK. What's happening? Where's Mum?

She's coming. It's not a game,
Dad. It's real!

I know, I know, I believe you.
Have you got the key?

Mum's got it.
I don't want him to kill you!

He's not going to kill me.
I just need the key.

I'm here!

He's right behind me, Jason.
You haven't got much time.

I'm going to take the girls and run.
No, no, I'm not leaving him!

No, you've got to, Amy!
I'll be fine, I promise.

You can't stay here.

I love you.

You've just got
to get yourself out, Dad.

You can do it. I know you can.

AXE SCRAPING

RASPING BREATHING

Hello.

How are you all doing?

SHAKILY: We're all right.

We're ready...

..I think.

Very good.
MACHINE BEEPS STEADILY

As I explained,

we'll withdraw the feeding tube
and the ventilator assistance,

then administer a muscle relaxant

to counter any agonal respirations.

It'll be very peaceful.

Sorry, erm, what is that?

As the body shuts down, the
breathing may become more laboured.

But, please don't be alarmed.
We've run all the tests,

and we're as certain
as we can be that...

..Jason no longer has
any brain function.

All clear?

And the children...?
They...they want to stay.

Very good.

HEAVY FOOTSTEPS

RASPING BREATHING

HE GROANS

GRUNTING

MACHINE BEEPS

LABOURED BREATHING

No! No! No!

HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING

JASON BREATHES RAGGEDLY

Let me out!

Let me out!

Let go of the sides, Dad.

CHOKING

BEEPING

BEEPING CONTINUES

HOST: Hello?

I can't get out.

You need to enter a passcode.

It's a single digit.

Please...

Please, I need my last clue.

STATIC BUZZES

It's been staring you in
the face all along.

LABOURED BREATHING

Number nine.

Wait.

Did he just say something?

DOOR BUZZES