All language subtitles for The.Out.List.2013.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

Growing up,
the fear of being gay

was being effeminate.

It was more about
not being a man.

I never felt sexually
comfortable in my skin

and that, I think,
was exacerbated by the fact that

I was not only recognizable,

but had this very strange
nickname

everywhere I went.

So it made me
less of a raconteur

to be called "Doogie"

than be acne-ridden
at The Standard.

I was in "Rent" with this

incredibly diverse
gaggle of people.

Gay guys that are, like, "Fuck
you, this is who I am, snap, snap."

And straight guys that were
super okay with gay people.

And gay people that were super
not okay with straight people.

And that opened my eyes a lot.

I thought, "Wow,
you can kind of be who you are

and let the chips
kind of fall where they may."

So I wasn't really
conscious of, like,

"My God, if I come out,
I'll never work again."

I just wanted to make sure that

I presented myself in a way

that allowed me
the most opportunity to work.

I do think that
it's difficult for someone

who's got a sibilant S,
who's talking a lot,

even if they're
really masculine,

if they're talking with,
like, a hardcore lisp,

it's hard for them to be the
football quarterback in a movie.

I got on a TV show,
"How I Met Your Mother,"

and I figured,
"That's interesting."

'Cause I'm playing,
like, a very, very

overt heterosexual on that show.

I met David Burtka in New York.

I was walking
down the street one day.

A friend, Kate Reinders,

was with this
James Deany-looking dude.

And I was, like,
"Kate, nice job on this one."

And she's, like, "David?
No, he's totally gay."

And I said, "Really?"

We started dating
very quickly, actually.

And...

like a nice lesbian couple,
moved in after, like, three months.

And we sort of
have never been apart.

I don't think that kids need

a father and a mother
necessarily.

I think they need
male and female role models.

But I don't think
that means that

we shouldn't have kids
because we're two guys.

We don't encourage our child
to only play with Barbies.

But if our son picks up
a Barbie doll

and wants to play with it, okay.

Parents need to be
more accepting

of who their kids are

and less concerned about

who society
thinks they need to be.

It's such an interesting time
now, I think,

because the gay visibility
is so prevalent.

You can watch "The Amazing
Race" and see a gay couple

fight, argue, and win.

General, normal,
mainstream, Middle America

that doesn't get out and
witness a lot of diversity,

I feel like they get that
diversity through television.

Now there are so many examples

that you can't put the gay

in a little gay box anymore.

I was kind of
a dreamer growing up.

I would write about, you know,
when I would have long hair

and write about laying in the
grass and talking to a boy

and doing things that

I think my peers
took for granted.

So I always knew that I would
be a writer in New York City,

telling stories as a woman.

I was named after my father.
His name was Charles.

I was his first son,

so therefore,
I was his namesake.

And I think that always
frustrated him a bit

'cause he wanted his son
to be very tough.

I can't remember a time when I
didn't know that I was a girl.

Wanting to always be in the kitchen
with my aunts and my grandmother

and hearing them talk
about the world

and talk about,
you know, women's problems

and gossiping about other women.

I didn't hear the term
"transgender, transsexual."

I didn't know what "trans" was.

I remember in the seventh grade coming
up to my mother and telling her,

"Mom, I'm gay."

Just like any other person,

I confused gender
and... and sexuality.

But I quickly realized that, no,

I was always meant to be a girl

and I just happened to have
the wrong equipment.

When puberty hit,
I was a late bloomer.

I could see, like,
a burgeoning Adam's apple

and I could see, you know,
a bit of peach fuzz.

The reflection
that's showing to me

doesn't look like the person that
I have always seen myself as.

I was so lucky and so blessed

in the fact that
I had support at home

and I started the process

just through my endocrinologist.

At 18, I had already
fully transitioned.

Trans people...
The "T" in the LGBT...

I think there's a sense

inherently within us,
we want to blend in.

After transitioning,
I just wanted to live

a normal life as just
another girl in the crowd.

But I think after a while, I kind of
felt as if I was hiding something.

And I was so blessed in my life.

I had parents who loved me
and a family who loved me

and I had great teachers
who believed in me.

And...

I don't think that I had
all of those things

dropped into my life
to live silently.

I overcame all of those
things for a reason...

To tell kids
that you are beautiful

and that nothing is unusual
or strange about you

because you're gay or lesbian

or transgender or gender-queer...

However you wanna
express yourself,

that nothing is wrong with you.

We've had many, many
victories and celebrations

for our gay brothers
and lesbian sisters.

But we can't ignore the fact

that transgender people
are casualties in this fight.

The federal government does not
protect us from discrimination

when we're trying to apply
for a job or keep our job.

I see kids
who are transitioning.

They're gonna grow up and be able to
say, "I'm trans"

just the same way that their...

Their gay and lesbian
counterparts can say,

"I'm gay, I'm lesbian."

I met a 14-year-old girl

who told me that she wanted
to be a writer like me someday.

She didn't say she wanted
to be as pretty as me.

I knew she was transgender, but she...
that's not what she connected with.

She just connected
with the writing.

She had such
a strong sense of self...

"I wanna be a writer
like you someday."

I grew up in San Antonio, Texas.

My family's military and Mormon.

We'd go to church
every single Sunday.

One Sunday, they beamed in the president
of the church, Spencer W. Kimball,

and his message was
that homosexuality is sin.

I knew he was talking about me.

And so my first impression
of my own sexuality,

my own love, was that it was
a sin comparable to murder.

I was a closeted gay kid in the '80s.
I knew my sexuality.

One day, I went
to the video store,

I was 13, I saw a movie and I was,
like, "I have to have this movie."

This movie was called
"The 400 Blows."

And it was not what I was
hoping it would be at all.

It was actually, you know,

François Truffaut's masterpiece.

It was a film about a real
family that was troubled

and a kid
and how he deals with it.

I had no idea that cinema
could be reflective

of my own life.

It did change me and it made me
feel less alone in the world.

And I thought, "Boy, I wanna
do something like that."

The time between realizing
I was gay and coming out,

it was about 15-16 years.

I was probably 20-21 years old

and I'd come home for Christmas,

which is when it often happens.

My mom is sitting on my bed,
she... and we always did this...

We'd stay up
and talk all night long.

And she starts railing against "Don't
Ask, Don't Tell."

And it wasn't because
it wasn't inclusive enough,

it's because "How dare they allow
gay people into the military?"

And she was really
passionate about it.

I wasn't ready to come out,
but I started to cry.

And she knew.
She knew right then and there.

And it was a quick conversation.

I mean,
my mom is paralyzed from polio.

She knows what it's like
to be different

and to be judged
for being different.

She showed up
to the Academy Awards

wearing a white
marriage-equality ribbon.

I have heard some filmmakers say

they don't wanna be labeled
as a "gay filmmaker."

I am a gay filmmaker.
I'm a gay guy.

I'm not ashamed of that.
I'm pretty proud of that, in fact.

Being a gay filmmaker
helps you see

other people
and their differences

and to have empathy for

what their differences do
to their character.

I'm not gonna run
from that label.

I had campaigned for Obama
in Nevada and in Virginia.

To see him get up there
and to give that speech,

a speech where he said
the word "gay and lesbian,"

we were a part
of this new vision.

I went on a laptop
and just started

refreshing the results
coming in on Prop 8,

and it became increasingly clear

we weren't gonna make it.

And that in California,
we were left out of the dream.

I just remember thinking,

"Boy, you know,
what about that kid out there

in San Antonio, Texas right now

who tunes in and sees...

Sees the next day
that gay and lesbian people

had had their rights
stripped away in California?"

They're still second-class,
they're still less-than.

And I know all too well
the dire solutions

that may have flashed
through that kid's head.

You know,
those messages are dangerous.

I think that

that election result cost lives.

I do.
So I was heartbroken.

I'm sorry.

Every day,
we don't have full equality.

Every day,
those messages are still being sent,

that gay and lesbian people are
second-class in this country.

That more gay and lesbian
kids are getting bullied.

My hope is that we win
this fight much faster than...

Than many think we can.

I wanna be outta the business
of civil rights fighting

as soon as possible.

I grew up in San Antonio.

Everybody lived
in certain areas.

The Hispanics lived over here.
The Anglos lived over here.

The African-Americans
lived over here.

And so, in order for me
to go to college,

somebody said,
"You have to bus yourself across town

to go to those
high schools over there."

It took me a while to realize
why I was the only one

with dirty shoes when it rained.

The other neighborhoods
had sidewalks

and paved streets

while our barrio did not.

That was the first realization

that we were different.

It would've been very difficult
for me to accept my sexuality

if I hadn't made the
connection with spirituality.

I read an article
about something called MCC,

Metropolitan Community Church.

And I... and just like
every other person

that ever tried
to come in there...

You drove around the church
for a couple of times,

trying to... trying to
get brave enough to come in.

I think I teared through
the whole service,

but as... at the end,
they always served communion.

And right in front of me,
as we were lining up,

was a gay couple
with two little girls.

And I guess
I must have said it out loud,

but I said, "My God,
where have you been?"

And the woman right in front
of me turned around and said,

"We've been here,
waiting for you."

God made it possible for me
to see that

in order for me
to accept who I was.

In 2004, Dallas County
was very Republican,

was very conservative.

And here you have

a female-Hispanic-lesbian-
Democrat running for sheriff.

In the primaries,
all but myself were men.

The rumor mill started going,

"You know, we might have
a woman sheriff."

"Yeah, we might have
a lesbian sheriff."

One of the state legislators
gave me some very good advice.

She said, "Don't let that be the
first thing that comes out about you.

Let them hear about your career

and your standards
and who you are."

Dallas County was Republican,
but in spite of that,

they were able to see
past the party lines.

They were able to see
past the sex lines.

This person appears to be
the best candidate.

Right after I got elected,
I got on a flight.

Somebody sat next to me
who said,

"Are you Lupe Valdez?"

And I remember going,
"No, here we go.

Why is this woman talking to me?

She's Anglo, she's well-to-do,

and she's probably
Republican."

And then she says,
"My son is gay."

And I went, "Okay."

And I said,
"Tell me about your son."

He went to the high school
where her husband coached.

He was not out
and they were so scared

that he was gonna commit suicide

because he was so depressed.

"And how
is your son now?"

She said, "He's wonderful.

He came out to us
and he and his partner

live down the street from us.

They go to college and once a week,
they come over and have a meal with us."

She says,
"I have to take your picture.

My son will never believe
that I sat next to you.

With your election,
you validated my son."

You know,
and I wanted to scream,

"Why can't we just get validated

for being human beings
and being who we are?"

We need to... to make sure

that it's okay to be who we are.

Sports was my life.

I was the biggest
Deion Sanders fan.

I mean,
I had a shrine in my room,

I had life-sized posters,

I had about 50 Deion
Sanders football cards.

I was obsessed
with Deion Sanders.

I grew up very religious.

I went to church probably
three to four times a week.

No one ever specifically
ever told me

that being gay was wrong,

but I remember
my family and friends

just having some
very negative conversations.

I knew instantly that who I was

was never gonna be accepted,

whether it was in my family or
whether it was on a football field

or whether it
was with my friends.

My dream was to play in the NFL.

There was nothing
that was gonna stop me.

The idea that I could be gay

and a sports player didn't match

because the image of a gay man
was always effeminate.

I deemed myself as masculine.
I was a man's man.

You know, I liked sports.
I talked shit.

You know, and every man that...

That I knew
that was perceived as gay,

they sang in the choir,
they played with girls.

I didn't do any of those things,
so I had a hard time trying to reconcile

who I was with who they were.

I was in the gym
and this gentleman

is doing this stupid machine
called the Gravitron.

He was everything I thought
I wanted in a guy.

He was straight-acting,
he was totally passable,

he liked sports.

We never had a discussion

that we were dating
or in a relationship.

It was just one of those things
where, one day,

we're sitting in the car and
we... and our hands touched.

There was this
budding relationship.

And then, when I had
to go over to NFL Europe,

I had to figure out a way
to talk every day.

I would literally
have my teammates in the room,

but I would refer to him
as if he was a girl.

I became the world's
greatest liar.

I was in a city called Sitges.

And if anyone knows Sitges,

it is the second highest
gay-populated place in the world,

and I had no clue of that.

So I remember we arrived there,

and I'm, like,
"There are a lot of men here

in Speedos
with their shirts off."

And I was thinking to myself,
"God is punishing me."

I had never told anyone
that I was gay

until I stopped
playing football.

It's impossible to talk to
your mother every single day

and have this secret
that she doesn't know about.

And at that time,
I had a partner of two years.

He was being sick of being
called "Stephanie" too.

So I flew home
and we went for a walk.

And I said, "Mom,
I have something to tell you."

And she said, "What?"
Like she had no clue.

I was like, "I'm gay."

And her first words were,

"You know that's
an abomination, don't you?"

"I know that's
what you think."

And her second thing
she said was,

"You're already black.

I still love you
and we'll work through this,

but I just need time."

I thought about telling...
Lying to her,

saying, "I'm not gay."
Like that was "just a phase."

Because I had been living with
the pain and I seemed to be okay,

so I didn't want her to have to
go through the same pain, too.

So I contemplated
going back in the closet

for a very long time.

If a major league player
came out,

it really changes
the conversation

of what it means
to be a masculine man.

If we wait till
every athlete says,

"I'm fine with someone being
gay," the world will end.

You know, so I think that we have
to just push the boundaries now.

It is much easier
to be a gay man

in the Republican Party
than it is to be

a Republican
in the LGBT community,

which tends to be predominantly

left-leaning politically.
They will say, "How do you deal?

My God,
it must be such a burden.

You must be...
It must be such great pain

to be moving
in conservative circles."

As a person of faith, I have more
in common with fellow conservatives.

Growing up in a place
like Tallahassee, Florida,

it was very much similar
to earlier generations.

We had sock hops, bonfires,

white-tailed deer hunting,

we were Eagle Scouts.

Growing up, anybody that
would be identified as gay

would be... would fall into
a certain stereotype...

The man that did
my mother's hair

at the salon, the florist.

As a Christian,

I spent a lot of time

praying that it would go away.

That said, I was very blessed

to have a godparent,
my Uncle Larry.

My parents had to sit down
and explain

Uncle Larry's roommate
was actually his partner.

So I already had,

very early on,

a positive role model.

I do credit Uncle Larry
to saving my life.

I realized my orientation
is a gift from God

just as much as the orientation

of my heterosexual brother
is his gift from God.

The Log Cabin Republicans,

we're the LGBT group
of the Republican Party.

The federal suit filed by
Log Cabin Republicans

that challenged
the federal statute

"Don't Ask, Don't Tell,"

you know, banning gay and lesbians
from serving in the military.

Yes, President Obama
signed the bill,

but we put that bill
on his desk.

When I actually took the job

to run Log Cabin Republicans,

one member from Texas asked me, you
know, "When did you become a gay?"

We were having the conversation
of "Is it a choice?

Is one's orientation
a choice?"

And that's when I realized how...

How not only important our...
Our institutional role was,

but that it was
incumbent upon us

to educate lawmakers.

If people come out...

If family, friends, neighbors,
and staff members come out,

they can't ignore these issues
if they are constantly reminded

or surrounded by people
that they respect and love

who happen to be L, G, B, or T.

Drag pushes
my adrenaline button.

I love to go out in drag because
you can make an entrance.

And you can go up to the
cutest boy in the club

and grab him by the crotch...

Which I would never
dream of doing

if I were not in drag...

So drag queens
can get away with murder.

The first time I was in drag,

I was a snake charmer.

I've charmed a few snakes
since then.

I was in love with "I Dream
of Jeannie," Barbara Eden.

In the first-grade show,

my mom made me that outfit

and I wore cat-eye,

you know, '60s eye makeup.

Even though everyone knew
that I was a sissy,

somehow, I got over.

I was attending Georgia State.

RuPaul and I were backup dancers

for a group called
the "Now Explosion."

He got us a gig

and we headed up to New York.

The club was drag queen
owned and operated.

These were drag queens
out of the mainstream.

And you really felt like
you were part of a scene

that was unique.

Drag queens fronting bands

like Tanya Ransom

or doing plays
like Ethyl Eichelberger

or taking lip-synching
and making it an art form

as Lypsinka did.

Wigstock was born one night
when the Pyramid closed

and we were not ready
to stop drinking.

We grabbed 40 ounces and
went to Tompkins Square Park.

We just thought of an idea of,
"How about parodying

Woodstock with a festival
of wigs and rock?"

And I think the idea would have
faded with the next day's hangover

had I not actually
sought out the permits.

At its peak,

we were getting
30-45,000 people.

Not just the performers
came in costumes.

There were amazing,

creative people
in New York at that time.

One of the big breakthroughs
in drag was RuPaul's success.

Because here, for the first
time, you had a drag queen

who was saying,

"I am gorgeous
and I am glamorous."

In "Some Like It Hot"
or Milton Berle

or "Mrs. Doubtfire"
or "Tootsie,"

there's always an excuse

for them to have to be
hiding in drag.

They don't want to do drag.

I never understand

why feminists have a problem
with drag queens.

There are some things
that drag queens do,

like rub imaginary boobs

or portray, as I guess I do,

a tacky woman.

The thing is,
I'm not trying to be a woman.

I'm using women's clothing...

In rather large sizes...

To express who I think I am.

That has nothing to do
with a woman.

This is about me
and how I want to dress.

Do gay kids
value their predecessors?

No, I don't think that they do.

Don't you ever discount
the drag queens.

I get so tired

of these conservative gays
always saying,

"The leather men
and the drag queens...

That doesn't represent
our community."

We started your gay rights.

It was not the conservative
gays that put on a pink T-shirt

or a rainbow flag one day a year

and then went back
to their closeted office jobs.

It was the drag queens

and the street people

that were getting
the harassment by the police

that said,
". Enough.

Here's a brick
in your fucking face."

Everything changed in July 1981

with the announcement
of what would be called AIDS.

I helped to start
two major organizations...

Gay Men's Health Crisis
and ACT UP.

On the one hand,
so many of our friends were dying.

And on the other hand,

we slowly had
a small army of people

who were working so very hard

to save the rest of us.

It was during that time
that I realized,

number one,

how truly proud I am
that I am a gay man,

and how truly wonderful

I think gay people are.

I found that with AIDS,

the "Times" wasn't writing about
us, nobody was writing about us.

The mayor wasn't answering phone calls.
It was awful.

People would
rush up to me and say,

"Have you heard of anything?
Is there anything coming along?

You know, I don't think I'm gonna
be able to last much longer."

For many years, there wasn't anything.
And you had to say to 'em somehow,

"Hold on, hold on,"
and give each other hugs.

And ACT UP made itself.

We began every meeting
by announcing who had died

since the last meeting.

And, boy, if that wasn't
enough to keep you going,

I don't... I don't know what.

The first meeting had 200,
the next meeting had three.

We had a demonstration that
following week on Wall Street.

Several thousand showed up
and we were born.

It got more radical
as it went on.

And we decided to have
a protest at St. Patrick's.

We had all been trained
in civil disobedience

and it was very carefully
choreographed

what we were going to do.

Like all good actors,

these guys and gals
really got into their parts.

They faced the altar

and yelled at 'em,
"Stop murdering us."

Cardinal O'Connor
was having a fit.

We were crucified ourselves
the next day and on.

Every major network,
every major newspaper

said the most awful things
about ACT UP.

How terrible we were,

destroying people's right
to worship.

And people were scared.

"What are we gonna do?
They hate us."

And I said,

"No, they don't.
They're afraid of us.

This is the best thing
we have ever done.

We're no longer

just "limp-wristed
fairies."

We're guys in jeans
and Levi's and boots.

We're here,

we have voices,
and we're gonna fight back."

It made us, that action
at St. Patrick's.

Every treatment for HIV
that is out there

is out there because of us.

Not from the government,

not from any politician,

not from any drug company.

We forced all of those
things into being

by our anger and our fear.

And that's what anger
can get you.

You do not get more
with honey than with vinegar.

Anger is a wonderful emotion...

Very creative
if you know how to do it.

I really truly felt that,

for some reason,
I've been spared

to tell this story.

Everybody I know is dead.

All my friends.
I shouldn't say "everyone," but almost.

I'm still here.

Okay, thank You, God.

I don't believe in You,
but thank You anyway.

This is what
I'm gonna do to pay back.

When I was young,
I remember having a crush on a girl

who had a crush on my brother.

I just looked up at her
and I said,

"You know, I wish I were a boy

because then you would want
to be my girlfriend."

And she let go of my hand
and she's like,

"No, no.
You're a girl and you like boys

and that's it and don't ever
say that again to anyone."

I felt like something
was wrong with me

and that was the moment
when I said,

"Okay, that's right,
I like boys.

Yeah, yeah, of course.
Yeah, I like boys."

I was living
as a straight woman.

I would say,
you know, a good wife.

When the marriage ended
for other reasons,

it was... it was very liberating.

Then something, like,
went off, "Well, I tried that.

It didn't work out.

Let's get some pussy."

A lot of African-American culture
is embedded with the church.

That's another reason why

it took me so long to...

To deal with,
you know, my sexuality.

I go by what I read
from the Bible.

And, as Jesus said,

"Above all these things,
love thy neighbor as thyself."

It'd be really easy
to love everyone

if they were all like you.

You make everybody different,
and He's like,

"This is gonna be the hardest shit for
y'all to do, is to love each other.

That's going to be
the hardest thing."

He's probably just sitting,
laughing, just going,

"I knew they was going
to mess this up."

Instead of saying
what not to do,

I try to live by
what He says to do.

Love, yeah.

When I came out,
it wasn't planned at all.

It was a national day of protest
against the passage of Prop 8.

I said,
"Okay, where's the rally?

We're going to go to
the rally." And I did.

And in my speech I said, "Hey, you
know, I, you know, I got married and...

This, I'm pissed."

I get to the hotel
and, you know, turn the TV,

and on CNN's scroll,

it's, you know,
"Comedian Wanda Sykes,

'I'm proud to be gay, '"
and I was like,

"This is
a big fucking deal."

I'm a black woman, a celebrity,

and I'm out.

It was a big deal.

No regrets.

I grew up watching
a lot of comedy.

Our whole family would just sit
there watching TV and laugh.

One who really stayed with me
was Jackie "Moms" Mabley.

She was the first black woman

that I saw doing stand-up.

My comedy,
it has to come from a real place,

so it would be hard for me not
to talk about my sexuality.

In a lot of them,
I talk about my wife and my kids.

What's funny is that I would get
offstage and someone would say,

"You know, I really thought
you were hilarious and all,

but you didn't really make a statement
for, like, gay rights."

I'm like, "Jackass,
I just did a whole fucking hour

about my wife and kids.

You can't get any gayer than that.
What the fuck?"

You know, what...?
My life says it.

My life is a speech for equality

and a speech for... hey,
we all going through the same problems.

Different sex, but same
shit, same problems.

I started working in New York
City as a housing organizer

and I met now State Senator
Tom Duane.

He asked me to run
his 1991 campaign

to be the first openly gay
city council member

and first openly HIV-positive
elected official in the country.

So I took that job.

And Tom would go around
introducing me to everybody

as his "straight
campaign manager"

and he thought it was
the funniest thing

that he had this straight campaign
manager for this big, gay campaign.

The months running that campaign

is when it became clear
to me that this idea

that I could be professionally
successful, I could have friends,

I could be happy,
but I didn't need a romantic life

and would never have one was
gonna be an untenable way to live.

And I said, "I really need to talk
to you about something important."

And he said, "My God,
you're gonna quit."

And I said, "No."

And he said, "What are
you, a lesbian?

We don't really have time for that.
That's fine. Let's go."

I don't really know why
the Republicans are using

such hideous and mean
anti-gay rhetoric.

The idea that you
have to lift yourself up

by pulling other people down...

It's just not nice.
And I don't understand

why you would wanna be
on the international stage

and behave in a way that your mother
would have told you isn't nice.

Your mother told you
not to pick on people.

We can pretend words don't
matter, but words do matter.

Marriage is a word

that is universally recognized.

Everybody knows
the literal definition of it

and the societal
definition of it.

And if you say,
"I can't get married,"

everybody knows
what that means, too.

It means the law is not
with and for and about you.

To say all these
other families can have that,

but you have to have this other
thing that we had to create,

that nobody heard of
until we came up with it

and isn't as good
as the real thing

that's been around
since they made dirt,

you're left out.

Marriage passed in New
York State after it failed.

In 2009,
there was a vote and we lost.

And we lost bad.

What was great about 2011

is we won with diverse support.

We had a letter
from business leaders,

from Lloyd Blankfein,
the head of Goldman Sachs.

I don't think he was ever a Queer
Nation member, you know what I'm saying?

He signed a letter with
other huge business leaders

asking the state senate
to do this.

Two days after marriage
passed was the Pride Parade.

I got to march with Governor
Cuomo, and it was...

You really weren't marching.
You were kinda, like, floating down.

I don't know that I've ever
seen such unadulterated joy.

If you had asked people
10 years ago,

"Would in 2011

New York State
pass marriage equality?"

If you told them
Massachusetts, Connecticut,

all these other states had it,
they would tell you you were nuts.

We have succeeded

beyond anything we could
have dreamt of.

You're not allowed, really,

to have that much success
and to squander it.

You have to harness it
and use it.

Part of me does feel happier
that gay culture

is kind of normalizing,
and then the other side,

it makes me sad a little bit, too.
I mean, I'm not gonna lie.

There's something I love
so much about...

About being a homo.

And I feel like anybody that's
gonna be wagging their finger at us,

it's, like, you know,
"Fuck, who cares? Fuck off."

In high school, I would go see
this band called The Cramps.

The singer's name
was Lux Interior.

And he would come out
in a black rubber smock

and, like, lady slacks

and pumps... not too high,

and totally
just freak the fuck out.

Blow jobbing
the microphone and...

You know, I don't know
if he was ever gay or not,

but he was, like,
the queerest thing I had ever seen.

That energy was what
I wanted to give onstage.

The first few years,
all the media,

they were always
calling us a gay band.

It used to really dishearten me.

Growing up, there'd be, like,
"The Christian Cyndi Lauper."

Or, you know,
"The Christian George Michael."

Always being called a gay band

was that... it was, like,
the gay version of something real.

I don't feel that way anymore.

The last couple years,
I started really writing music

about being gay.

My take on gay life
in the past and the present.

People like Freddie Mercury.

Elton John in those early years.

George Michael.
They were still having to hold in

the person
that they really were.

I just think
that would be so miserable.

I can't imagine going out onstage
and, you know,

shaking around
and doing my high kicks,

you know, and giving some...

I don't know how I could do it
and, at the same time,

not talk about my sexuality.

The year that I came out,

there were these phone lines
that you would call

and there were these chat rooms.

Every once in a while, we'd have little
parties where we would all get up

and get together
and meet each other

and you'd see these people that
you were talking to on the phone

and it was really a freak show.

Talk about outsiders.

I mean, these were
proper outsiders.

But it kinda felt like a family.

I met this woman
on this chat line

and we talked a lot on the phone
and we started becoming friends.

She was really obese and she
had a problem getting around.

She had a problem being in public.
People would make fun of her.

And so we made this pact that...

That if I ever made any money,

I would... we would get her
gastrointestinal bypass surgery.

So we started making music

and I wrote this song
for her called "Mary."

Her name was Mary.

We got the surgery for her
and it ended up killing her.

She was probably the most...

important person in my life
as far as a friend.

Being on the outside gives you
an incredible perspective

and changes you as a person

and makes you have different
ideas about what you see.

I wouldn't give that up
for the world.

Around six or seven,
my parents told me about heaven and hell.

And in that same breath,
they said,

"You're not allowed
to have a boyfriend.

And when the time comes,
we'll pick the man for you.

We'll, you know,
we'll introduce you to him."

And my parents did their best

to sort of straddle both
cultures, like, being Afghan.

In the summers, going to mosque
and learning to read the Quran

and we only spoke
Farsi or Dari at home.

And then, also,
doing things like ballet and soccer

and, you know, like,
block parties and those sort of things.

Being queer or being gay
or lesbian

was never an option
in our family.

But I do remember
seeing men and women

at family functions
dancing together.

You know, men danced with men,
women danced with women.

I wondered if I could
get away with being queer

under the guise of "We're just
a very homosocial culture.

I should
have girlfriends."

I think I was, like, 14
when I came out to myself.

"I'm queer.
I'm gay."

That's sort of the way

that I think straight people
just know they're straight.

It was, like, ""
That's what I acknowledged.

I think it's important for us
to reclaim words.

"Queer" is one of those words
that's traditionally been used

in a really negative
and derogatory way.

It pushes me to think
outside of the binary.

There aren't just
female and male.

There is so much more diversity

in each being.

I went away to college in 2000.

And I never said to my parents,

"I'm not coming back."

It's not a reality in my family,

it's not a reality in my culture

for a woman to not live at home.

Like, you leave home

when you go to the next man's
home, which is your husband.

But in the end,
I had to be really honest

about all the things
I wasn't telling them about.

I wasn't telling them
about my relationship,

I wasn't really explicit
about my sexual orientation.

And so I wrote them this,
like, long, nine-page letter.

I went home to visit
my parents one weekend.

My dad said, like,
"Come with me to the supermarket.

We should...
Help me buy groceries."

And so he did that thing
where you turn off the radio.

And he's, like,
"I got your letter.

I haven't shown it to your mom
and I'm not going to.

We're gonna
figure this out together.

You're already
a double minority.

You're a woman in this country.

You're an Afghan,
you come from refugee parents.

You don't have to
prove anything.

Don't live this life
of struggle.

But if you wanna come out
about it,

just know I will not
be buried in Afghanistan."

To think about jeopardizing

his integrity,
his dignity, and his honor

is a frightening
and a very shameful,

upsetting place to be.

But I also know where
my resilience comes from

is from that same man
and from that same woman.

I'm out to all my students.

Having out and visible
LGBT teachers,

it offers a young person

this idea of, "I can make it.

If you did it,
I can do it, too."

That will do so much
for a young person.

And that does so much for what that
young person can offer our world.

And I don't want to be on television
just to talk to the Kardashians.

They're lovely people,
but, I mean,

I'd like to actually make a
difference while I'm here, too.

I have a forum where I can
say things that are important.

My hope for the future is...

I hope those low-rise jeans
go outta style.

Someone's gotta
put an end to that.

'Cause when you bend over,
your ass is hanging out

and that's not right.

When I was doing stand-up,

I was traveling around
in a lot of small towns,

in a lot of cities where I
wouldn't have been accepted at all

as a gay comedian.

As my career progressed
and I was on television,

then, certainly,
I couldn't come out

because you have
all these people around you

that help you stay closeted.

They're making money off of you

and as long as,
you know, they know,

"I'm not really closeted,
I'm out.

I'm just not out to the world
and it's nobody's business,"

and you can justify that
all you want,

but the reality is

you're still a slave to it.

You're still... it's a heaviness
that you live with inside.

There's a fear that
someone's not gonna like you

because of this thing.

When I realized that I couldn't
keep that secret anymore,

I decided I would come out

and my character
would come out on the show.

I was celebrated
for a short time.

It was a big deal.

And then it was a horrible deal.

I lost my show and I lost
my career and I lost a lot,

but I was able
to be completely free.

It's just amazing to me

that kids grow up
around other gay kids now

because I always felt
like I was different.

I just didn't know that I was
different in the way that I was gay.

I was a girl who didn't
really like to wear dresses.

I'm very much a family person.

I like the idea of a home
and a partner.

Growing up, I never thought
that I would ever meet somebody.

On my wedding day,
I was feeling happier

than I've ever been
in my entire life.

I'm marrying someone,
I'm getting married.

I'm not civil-unioning anybody.

We have this amazing connection

that I never thought
I'd find with anybody.

The more that we have people
that speak up,

the more that we have people

that are seen
in positions of power,

the more that these people who
just are ignorant to the fact,

they're gonna go,
"I know someone who's gay."

We just need to be
a little more visible.

We need everybody. We need athletes
and we need artistic people.

We need quiet people,
we need shy people,

we need weird people.

Some people get picked on
'cause they're too good-looking.

I know that.

I want it to be a gentler world.

It's harsh and it's hard
and it's cruel sometimes.

And it's...

I want it to be a better world.

I grew up on
the South Side of Chicago,

inner city, the hood.

I had a speech impediment.

I couldn't pronounce
my Rs, esses, or Ts.

I knew I was stupid.

I knew I would never
be anything.

The entire class knew that,

so I never, ever really tried.

I was a waitress for seven years

making $400 a month.

So I go to interview for a job...

This was 1980

and affirmative action
was in full bloom.

They didn't have any women
stockbrokers at the time.

Now, I'm not somebody
who wears dresses or skirts.

I don't feel comfortable in it.

So I get dressed in my
red-and-white Sassoon pants

tucked into
my white cowboy boots

with this blue silk shirt...
are y'all getting the picture...

And go into Merrill Lynch.

And nobody knows
what to do with me.

And before I know it,
I'm in the manager's office.

Here I am now,

a stockbroker at Merrill Lynch.

And I'm sitting
in a sales meeting,

it's all these
male brokers and me.

And the manager is up there,

he says, "Men,
I want you to listen to me.

The first time

you ever sell a private,
limited partnership,

it will be better than
the first time that you..."

I looked at him and I said,
"Were you going to say,

'the first time
you a woman'?"

And he said, "Yeah."

And I go,
"I get that. I get that."

By not judging them,

they didn't judge me.

I have been able to acquire

a serious sum of money.

But here is
what's going to happen...

Upon my death,
any money that I leave to KT,

the love of my life,

that is then above
the estate tax limit,

she's going to lose,
essentially,

half of all the money

that I'm leaving to her

and I'm gonna lose
whatever she leaves to me.

If we could be legally
married on a federal level,

any money a spouse leaves
to another spouse,

it could be $10 billion,

they can leave it
to each other estate tax-free.

That's how it works
for heterosexuals.

And it's not
just about estate tax.

I'm in Chicago,
I'm giving a talk for 5,000 women,

and I'm not feeling good.

When we're going to the
hospital, KT's saying,

"Who am I gonna tell them I am?

I know, I'll tell them
I'm your sister."

"No, KT. You're gonna tell
them you're my spouse."

And she says,
"No, Suze. I'm afraid.

I'm afraid if I tell them that,
they won't let me in."

Really?
We have to lie

to be by the sides
of the ones that we love?

At the time
that KT has seen me suffer,

that she should feel

like she can't just be there
as who she is

and she has to pretend
that she's somebody she's not?

It's just so wrong.

We spent many years
in South Africa,

a country that's gone
through apartheid,

that's oppressed more
people maybe than anybody...

Gay marriage is legal.

In fact, it's so legal

that there's really
no difference at all

between gay marriage,
straight marriage, any of it.

Where is it honored?

Everywhere in the world, Suze...

except the United States
of America.

And I'm, like,
"Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me?"

So KT and I were married

legally in South Africa.

I hold up that marriage
certificate every once in a while

and I look at it
and I think to myself,

"Maybe, just maybe, one day,

we're gonna be able
to get married

on a federal level
again."

'Cause what a heartbreak...

South Africa recognizes me,

but the United States
of America doesn't.

What does that say?

There was always
a feminine side to me.

I was pulled into
someone's office

at my church
and someone said to me

that if I didn't change
how I was

that I would be asked to leave.

God loves all,
but you are telling me

that because I'm this way,
I can't be here?

And that didn't click in my mind.
It still doesn't make sense to me.

I've been a part of the mainstream
ballroom scene since 2004.

I was 14.

The ballroom scene,
it started around 1880.

It later evolved around
1960-something...

Where the Harlem
drag ball circuit arose.

"Paris Is Burning" was definitely
an epic film for our community.

People started
to understand what is a ball,

what are the categories,
what happens there, what is a house?

A house is called a house because it
takes on the structure of a family,

but with no respect to gender.

I have a butch queen mother,

a femme queen mother,
and a butch queen father.

If you've been rejected by
your biological family, right,

or you've been kicked out or
shunned, whatever the case may be,

and you have
this surrogate family.

Ballroom is a competition,

but a house is more
than just a competition.

That house is a real family.

Gender and sexual orientation

is very fluid within
the ballroom scene.

A "butch queen"
would be a gay male.

That's our way,
in the ballroom scene,

of saying a gay male, a butch
queen, so I am a butch queen.

But someone who is
a post-op trans woman

has a vagina, so she
considers herself a woman

who is attracted to a man,
which technically is "heterosexual."

So it really is how you choose

to identify yourself.

My parents split when I was in the
7th grade and so, from that point on,

I was raised in
a single-family home.

I had to work,
I had to be in school.

My mother did
an amazing job raising me,

but being that other half
to raise myself,

it's provided me the experience

that I'm able to do that
for other people.

When I moved
to New York in 2007,

I thought it was
to escape from Virginia.

To go into the fashion industry
and go to F.I.T.

and work Fashion Week
and do this stuff.

And in actuality, my purpose was to
move up here to do what I'm doing now,

to help the people who don't
have anybody else to turn to.

As a community health
specialist,

I do HIV testing,
connection to treatment and care,

which means I myself go with them
to their first doctor's appointment.

I myself go with them to
make sure they get insurance.

I'm my mother's only child.

I've had a honest
conversation with her

saying that, you know,

either you accept me for all of
who I am or you get none of me.

And my mother took all of me.

I'm 30... Twiggy Pucci Garçon...

Is the same person,
just with more life experiences.

And I'll still be
helping people.

That's never gonna change.

There are a lot of people who
really don't believe people

when they say they're bisexual.

So I try and avoid
the bisexual label

because it just brings
so much grief down on ya.

People think you're faking,
you're wishy-washy.

Or people think you're a
sex addict or something

who doesn't want
to make up their mind.

I wanna be a political fighter
and I wanna be in there fighting,

so I call myself gay.

And certainly,

I'm, like,
delighted to be in the gay club.

People all the time talk about,
you know, "When I came out."

Well, I don't feel
like I came out.

I feel like I fell in love with
someone and that person was a woman

and I don't wanna minimize
that in any way.

What I'm attracted to
about Christine

is her butchness
and her gayness.

But I don't feel like,
all of a sudden,

there was a part of me
that had been, you know,

denied or living in the shadows,
that finally could "come out."

Gay people are fighting
really, really hard

for our civil rights.

What's important is the
world looks at all of us

and sees us as gay.

And so we need to be cohesive

and we need to fight
as one community.

Marriage equality is so much the right
issue for me to kinda pin my hat on

because after years
of being in love with a man

and everybody badgering us
to get married,

all of a sudden,
I was in love with a woman

that I actually wanted to
marry and I wasn't allowed to.

In a society where there are
two different sets of rules

for different kinds of people,

you're immediately
sending a message

that those people that don't
have those rights,

they're somehow lesser and
they're not really full citizens

and they're not maybe
even really human.

You're sending a message to
the worst elements in society...

"If you wanna, you know,
find someone to pick on,

this is a good...
This is a good group

because the government's
not gonna protect them."

Being out, how will that affect
you being cast in things?

It's very difficult to gauge.

You don't really know about the
parts you didn't get cast in.

I was offered
three roles in a row,

just now,
that were all lesbian roles.

My daughter, who's 16,
was saying to me,

"How do you feel about that?

Do you feel like,
all of a sudden,

you're now
being typecast?"

My daughter is Jewish
and she's being raised Jewish.

And I was, like,
you know, it's very similar.

It's, like, as a Jewish
performer, you can complain,

"Why do I always get
the Jewish roles?"

We gotta embrace those roles
and we gotta play those roles.

Now that we're married,
there is a way that people see us

and treat us that is different.

Somehow, once we were married,

they understood us as a family

in a way that
they hadn't before.

I am not a particularly
religious person,

but I am somewhat religious.

The left, in general,
have made a terrible mistake

ceding religiosity to the right.

Bishop Gene Robinson,

who performed Christine's
and my wedding ceremony said,

"When America was founded
and we said, 'we, '

we had a very particular bunch
of people we were talking about...

White, male
property holders."

And gradually,
the 'we' became larger and larger.

So then, it was white men
and black men,

who had been freed
by that point.

And then, gradually,
it was opened up to include women.

Gay people are kind of the...

Almost the final frontier.

This is what the gay
rights movement is about,

saying that "I, as a gay
person, am part of 'we.'

It can't be
'us and them' anymore.

We have to understand
we're all 'us.'"