All language subtitles for Last.Man.Standing.US.S09E08.WEBRip.x264 - 2144c - HI

Hey, Mike Baxter here
for Outdoor Man.

When did "new and improved"
come to mean

the same thing, huh?

A lot of times,
the new, improved version

is... somewhat worse
than the original.

You know what I'm talking about?

How about the $600
electronic key fob

versus the ignition key?

Because I guess this became
just too much for people.

I don't even know
how to turn that.

The ignition key
never left you stranded

because its tiny battery died.

Who prefers Jefferson Starship
to Jefferson Airplane?

If you knew that person,

could you be friends
with that psychopath?

James Bond.
Meh, straight downhill

since the late, great
Sean Connery.

On Bond's current trajectory,

007 will eventually
be played by

former secretary of labor
Robert Reich.

And florescent lights.

Who thought it was
a good idea to invent lighting

that makes you ugly no matter
how good looking you are?

God said, "Let there be light."

Tommy Edison said,
"I'm on it, boss."

We should have left it
at that, right?

Put another way, if it ain't
broke, don't fix it.

Which is why I'm taking
my own advice

and ending this perfect vlog
right here.

Baxter out.

Hey, come on, man.
Listen...

By all means,
come on in, guys.

Sorry-sorry, Mike,
but this-this couldn't wait.

Well, it must be important.

Let me rephrase that.
Could wait, but I got bored.

- Didn't feel like waiting.
- Okay. U-Uh, E...

- Ed's upset because...
- No, no, no, no.

No, you're upset because
finding a rare classic car

to restore is hard,
because... get this...

They're rare.

See, I like my barn finds
like my steak:

Medium.

I understand.
Now here's my proposal.

Oh, here we go.

Just like all successful
economic plans,

you guys need competition
and incentive.

If this is gonna be one of these
shirt versus skins things,

I want to be shirt.

Oh, and we want you to be.

So I've decided
to spring for a billboard

for our restoration business.

Whoever lands the best barn find

gets their face 50 feet tall.

Wow. Then you'd have to actually
shrink Joe's head.

I mean, if you want...

Listen, I don't care about
any of this stuff.

When my face
is on that board, Baxter,

my eyes are gonna follow you

everywhere you go.

I'm starting to care
a little bit about it.

You see, now,
this is what my idea

was supposed to do, huh?

- Turn you against each other.
- All right.

Iron sharpens iron,

- that's it.
- Okay, here we go.

Uh, you know what,
I got this in the bag.

I used to do aerial
reconnaissance back in Iraq,

and I just got my drone back
from the shop.

What happened to it?

Ironically, I flew it
into a billboard.

- You do have a plan, don't you?
- Yeah.

I'm thinking a machine gun
turret and barbed wire

will prevent people
from coming into the office.

♪ ♪

*LAST MAN STANDING (US)*
Season 09 Episode 08

Episode Title: "Lost and Found"
Aired on: February 18, 2021

RECEPTIONIST: Ryan, there's
a Mike Baxter here to see you.

Oh, uh, stall him, okay?

I got to clean up the office.
I don't want him to do that thing

- where he just barges in...
- (groans)

Hello, Mike.

Hey, buddy. Listen,
I got your, uh, financials

from Bud's Buds with me
and your mail-in ballot.

I hope it's not too late.

Why do you have it?

You gave it to Vanessa
to give to me to mail.

She gave it to me. Here.

Wait.
Hold up, hold up, hold up.

What do you think
of, uh, the new digs?

The weed business
certainly has changed.

It used to be buy your weed
from a guy

you wouldn't
want to be seen with.

Wow, that hasn't changed.

Check this out.

Rocky Mountains.

Here in Colorado?
When did they move them here?

That's interesting.
What is that?

Oh, uh, okay,
so these are the territories.

Red are the dispensaries,
green are the grow facilities,

and these circles
are our delivery areas.

So your drivers
cover this whole area?

Yeah, actually, it was my idea
to overlap some delivery areas

- so we could have maximum coverage...
- That's really fascinating.

Listen... you know what
a barn find is, right?

Sure, yeah. Old car you find in
a barn or backyard or whatever.

Yeah, exactly.

Could your drivers
look for a barn find

in this area while
they're driving through their,

you know, pot circles?

Why?

Because I asked you to.

And 'cause
I brought your ballot.

All right, sure.
I'll help you out.

- Good.
- But, uh, you know,

now that I'm a corporate guy...
what's in it for me?

Uh, how about this?
I won't call you a commie

- for one week.
- Six months.

- Three.
- Deal.

- Weeks.
- All right.

Fine. But you don't
get to call me socialist

or snowflake, either, okay?

Oh, and at least
one family dinner,

you have to refer to me

as your rock.

Does it have to be my family?

I really have to go, Mark.

Okay, girl. Dish.

Yeah. Who's Mark?

Someone I am not
going to talk to you about.

That's a dating app.
She's dating someone.

We're not dating.

We video chatted a few times.

Why do you feel like you have
to butt in on my love life?

Oh, I'm sorry, Jen,

your what life?

Okay, also,
when have we ever interfered?

Adam St. Cloud,
Jeremy Thomas, Tyler Gross,

to name three.

Then... why stop now?

When are we getting Mark
over here

so we can plan our next move?

Who's Mark?

Oh, Jen's Internet lover.

He is not!

- I haven't even met him yet.
- MANDY: What?

No, you have to meet him
in person.

How do you know
what he really looks like?

Like, what if he has three arms
or a huge growth on the back

- of his head?
- What if he's...

just a head?

You know, in the future,

we're all gonna be just heads.

Guys, leave her alone, okay?

You've seen The Bachelor.
This is her journey.

Sorry, Mom.
You're right.

Psych!
Like she's ever been right.

You guys aren't gonna
drop this, are you?

No.
Never.

Fine, I'll meet him!

But only
so you'll get off my back.

(sighs)

I can't wait to tell this story
at her wedding reception.

You are so romantic.

I hope in the future,
when we're both just heads,

- that we're on the same shelf.
- (gasps softly) Oh...

RYAN:
Perfect timing.

I've got some good news for you.

You're moving back to Canada?

- Oh.
- Hey, hey.

Who wouldn't want
free health care,

real maple syrup and

an abundance
of female singer-songwriters?

Okay, so, one of my drivers
said he found

a Shelby Cobra.

Shelby Cobra?

That's very rare.

Is it the original owner?

Says it's been in his family
the entire time.

D-Does it run?

Mm, let me find out.

Remember who did this for you.

Uh, no.
Sorry.

It does not run.

That's good.
No, that's actually great news.

I can get it for a better price.

Forget the crack
I said about Canada.

- KRISTIN: Hmm.
- Uh, hey, you're my rock.

No, no, no, does not count.
Has to be at a dinner.

(laughs)

All right, have your driver
take a picture of it, okay?

And then get it to me, and I
want to rub Joe's face in this.

- Okay, you got it.
- Hey, listen, thanks very much.

Good job.

Look at that.
You made my dad happy.

There's a first time
for everything.

Yeah, well,
get used to it, baby.

Don't... talk like that.

Hello, Michael.

We're not
on a first-name basis, Joe.

Okay, Mr. Baxter.

I got an e-mail from an old
car mechanic buddy of mine.

He told me about a car
that's gonna make this face

billboard bound.

You sound like you're pretty
confident of this car, Joe.

Hey, do my cats like to sleep
in my bed? (Chuckles)

He sent me pictures...
It's beautiful, and...

the old lady's looking to sell.

All right, let's make this
a little more interesting.

If I win, you got to wear
a collar that shocks you

every time
you walk through that door.

And if I win, you got to listen

to the entire
country-western music album

- that I wrote and performed.
- Done.

- Got it, got it, yeah.
- Hey.

Uh, so, bit of bad news.

(chuckles):
But also... it's kind of funny.

What's the bad news?

So, my driver didn't find
a Shelby Cobra,

he found a cobra named Shelby.

That's... horrible news,
and that's not funny.

That's right.

It's hilarious!

(laughs)

I mean, I guess
I just should've known better.

This guy's the company cutup.

He's always pulling
these pranks.

I was pulling a prank
a minute ago with Joe

(chuckles): Saying that I'd listen to
this country music album he wrote.

Nice try, Baxter.

♪ Tumbleweeds, keep a-tumblin' ♪

♪ Down the road, down the road,
down the road, down the road ♪

♪ Tumbleweeds... ♪

♪ ♪

- Morning.
- Hey, good morning.

Before we get started,
let me ask you a question.

Where do you even find
pink dress shirts?

It's salmon.

I don't know if you know this
or not, but that's not better.

I love our little chats
about fashion, Baxter.

We should do this more often.

So, how's your barn find
competition coming?

(sighs):
Oh, not so great.

I lost my drone again.

- Apparently, eagles find it hot.
- Huh.

I was hoping
you'd find something.

Joe's got a lead,
and I might have made

a little side bet with him.

Ah. Must be pretty bad.

Yeah.
♪ Tumbleweed, keep stumblin'. ♪

Oh, God.

You have to listen to the album?

That's right.

You've got to hack
his e-mail for me.

All the information's on there
about the car,

the location, the price.

I got to know
if it's the real deal,

whether it's worth
me stealing it from him.

(chuckles):
Ah, oh.

Oh, well, this is
an interesting situation.

You find yourself in need
of my computer expertise,

and I find myself in need
of your parking spot.

My parking spot? What does that
have to do with anything?

- It's right next to yours.
- Yes, but I like your parking spot.

- Okay. Take my spot.
- (laughs)

- - Just hack his damn e-mail.
What happened to honor?

Well, wait. Just to be clear.

Now, I get the parking spot

just for getting you
into his work e-mail...

Is that correct?

That is correct.

(chuckles)
All right, so...

I'm gonna take a little break,
run a few errands,

and I'm gonna leave this notepad
which may or may not have

a certain someone's password
written on it.

"Mike Baxter's great."

That's weird.

♪ ♪

It feels so good
to be inspiring young love.

Yeah.

I see their wedding
as-as, like, an outdoor thing

but, like, tasteful,
with canvas tents

and Shetland ponies
wearing tuxedos.

I think I want
to be the best man.

And the minister...

Who plays bass
in the wedding band.

Ooh, that day
is gonna be exhausting.

Hey. What are you guys
talking about?

Oh, Jen's out on a real-life,
in-person date with Mark.

We made her do it.

(sighs)
I wish you wouldn't do that.

Meddling in someone's love life
never ends well.

Uh, freshman year you told
Alex Irvine's mom that I had

the flu and I couldn't go
to homecoming with her son.

Mandy, you had the flu.

- Oh. Hey, how was it?
- (gasps)

Start at the very beginning.

What was he wearing?
What were you wearing?

Oh, that. You look cute.

It was terrible.

Oh, oh, I'm so sorry.

Uh... Look, I'm comforting Jen
right now.

I will get to you two later.

What happened?

He smelled.
His body odor was unbearable.

He was like a rotten egg
in a cabbage factory

on top of a sulfur mine.

Other than the smell,
how was he?

I hope you're happy.

Now, thanks to you,
I am never gonna see Mark again.

To the couch.

Yeah.

Damn, it's a 409.

Hello, billboard.

Hello, flathead.

What are you doing
in front of my car?

What are you doing
in the back of my car?

Seriously, Baxter. I had to pull
a lot of favors to get this tip.

Well, maybe you should change
your e-mail password

to "Mike Baxter sucks."

I tried that,
but it's already taken.

Hey, where do you get off
hacking my e-mail anyway?

Your e-mail? I'm Outdoor Man,
Outdoor Man computer,

Outdoor Man e-mail.
Do the math, buddy.

Do the math. Huh?

Can I help you boys?

Um, I'm sorry for intruding.
I really am.

My name is Mike Baxter, and
I restore cars just like this.

- You know, I restore cars, also.
- You'll have to forgive my dad.

He just repeats
everything I say.

I understand you're looking
for somebody

to take this off your hands.

Well, I wouldn't sell
to just anybody.

(chuckles)

This car belonged
to my late sister.

Okay, first of all,
that man is a liar.

Secondly, I was best friends
with your sister.

MIKE:
Knock it off. Knock it off.

He's never even met a woman.

Nobody will take better care
of this car than me.

Well, yeah, you know,

maybe I ought to move it off
the property.

- There you go.
- My neighbor saw

a Black man snooping
around earlier today.

Oh, but don't worry. No, no, no.

She called the police
and they took him away.

Was this man by chance
wearing a-a pink shirt?

No.

No, it was definitely salmon.

Maybe it's not him.

Well, he's not answering
his phone.

Why would they arrest Chuck?
He's Chuck.

Hey, boys, how are
the barn finds coming, eh?

Not a good time right now, Ed.

So much for
"iron sharpens iron," huh?

You know, you guys need a swift
kick in the ass to win this.

Chuck got arrested.

What for?

Well, most likely doing exactly
what Joe and I were doing.

We were looking at some
old lady's car in her driveway.

I mean, why would they arrest
Chuck for that and not us?

- Because he's Black.
- What?

You are aware that Chuck
is a Black man, right?

I know that. I'm not an idiot.

In fact, he told me that
the first day we met.

In-in confidence.

- It just never ends.
- I know.

- Remember Jamal?
- Yeah.

- What happened to him?
- He was an intern.

Said he was uncomfortable

handing out flyers
in certain neighborhoods.

I-I told him
he was being paranoid.

Until he was detained.

I blame myself for that.

Yeah, it's too bad you couldn't
cure racism all by yourself, Ed.

But I should've listened to him.

Guys, Chuck's on his way up.

- Well, I am gonna get to the bottom of this.
- No, no.

I want the name
of that arresting officer.

I'll have him writing
speeding tickets to snowboarders

till he retires.

I know what I'm gonna do,
I'm gonna listen,

like you should have.

Hey, Baxter, I'm gonna need you
to move your junker, man.

- You're parked in my spot.
- Will do.

(stammers)

- Who told you?
- So it's true?

What the hell'd you do
to get arrested?

Was it the pink shirt?

I didn't do anything.

The cops got a report of
a suspicious person in the area.

I didn't have my I.D.,
so... they put me in handcuffs,

took me downtown
to verify my identity,

then they let me go.

Well, that's crazy.
I mean, I leave my house

all the time without an I.D.

Really?

Well, what a magical world
you live in.

Oh, please, Joe, tell me more.

I can't believe
this happened to you.

I mean, you're, you're Chuck.

Could we give it a rest, guys?

I'm just trying to understand.

Yeah, and I want you
to understand, man.

I just don't want
to have to be the one

to help you process
what I'm going through.

That's never gonna happen.

You're mad because
this happened to me,

but this kind of thing
happens every day

to somebody else's Chuck.

I'm not the exception,
I'm the rule.

(clears throat) I'm glad
I listened this time, Mikey.

Me, too.

And I'm really glad I don't have
to listen to your album.

(sighs)
Your mom was right all along.

We shouldn't have butted
into Jen's business.

Or we didn't butt in enough.

Oh, I like that better.

We could fix this.

Body odor doesn't have
to be a deal breaker.

Right. I mean, it's what the
cologne industry is built on.

Not to mention Big Soap.

Oh, lookie here.

Jen left her computer open. Huh.

I wonder if Mark is on...

Oh, we can't do this.
Are we doing this?

- (line ringing)
- Oh, we're really doing this.

- (computer chimes)
- Hi, Mark.

KYLE:
Hi, buddy.

Hi? Who are you?

Uh, I'm Mandy and this is Kyle.

Y... W-We're part
of Jen's American family.

What's going on?

Well, uh,
this isn't easy to say,

so I'm just gonna do it
like they do in the commercials.

Are you struggling
with body odor?

Excuse me?

Uh, it's pretty bad,
according to Jen.

She says ya stink.

Uh, b-but we can fix that.
You just need to shower more,

focusing on the parts of
the body that are the smelliest.

Kyle, why don't you tell him
how you shower?

I'd be delighted.

Stop.

How would Jen know if I smell?
I've never met her.

- What?
- What are you doing?

Why are you talking to Mark?
Hi, Mark.

He says he never met you.

I haven't.

Why did you tell
these people I smell?

That guy was gonna
show me how to wash.

Okay, funny story.

They kept bugging me
about meeting you,

and you don't know them,
but they're really annoying,

so I made up a story
so they'd leave me alone.

We'll laugh about this later.

Mark? Mark?

I can't believe you called him.

Well, I can't believe
you lied to us.

Yeah, and telling us he smelled.

And I was gonna play bass
at your wedding.

Why can't you just
leave me alone?

Don't you have jobs and a child?

Where does all
this excess energy come from?

It comes from love.
We love love.

Well, I would love
if you stayed out of my love!

So you admit you love him.

Well, I guess we learned
a valuable lesson

about butting into people's
romantic lives.

We have to be a lot sneakier.

MIKE (over computer): Put another
way, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Which is why I'm taking
my own advice

and ending this perfect vlog
right here.

Baxter out.

Why do you keep watching that
over and over again?

I'm thinking about going
in another direction.

Ah. Is this about
what happened to Chuck?

Yeah. I think
I want to vlog about

what happens when
you find out something is broke,

but you don't know
how to fix it.

Hmm.

(computer chimes)

Hello, Mark.

What's with you people?

No, not people. I'm Vanessa.

You're not gonna show me
how to wash, are you?

'Cause that'd be cool.

Uh, no, no. L-Look, I-I actually
just, uh, wanted to apologize

for my daughter and her husband.

They can't seem to mind
their own business.

Uh-huh. It can run in families.

Oh, no. No, no.
I-I mean, I'm not meddling.

(chuckles):
I-I just want to right a wrong.

Uh, look,
y-you shouldn't cut Jen off

just because of
what Mandy and Kyle did.

I'm sensitive, and I need to be

with somebody else
who's sensitive.

Like you obviously are
for doing this.

Uh, well, uh, that-that's sweet,

but we're not talking
about me right now.

We're talking about Jen.

We could be talking about you.

Are you, are you hitting on me?

(laughs)

Is it working... Vanessa?

Uh, bye-bye, Stenchy.

Ugh. Jen, you are not dating
boys anymore!

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(chicken clucks)

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