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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,040
This programme contains
strong language and some scenes of a sexual nature
2
00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:08,040
I've never cheated before. If it
makes you feel better, I'm married.
3
00:00:08,040 --> 00:00:10,200
What? You had sex with
the woman across the road?
4
00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:12,080
I didn't know
she lived across the road.
5
00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:13,200
Have you guys just moved in?
6
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We did. I'm Zack,
this is my wife Fola.
7
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Esther. And this is my...
Josh. I'm Josh.
8
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Ooh, agh!
9
00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:20,560
Fola, I know.
10
00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:22,240
You and me didn't have sex
11
00:00:22,240 --> 00:00:25,280
for basically the entire year
that we've been married.
12
00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:28,120
I liked it, hearing you and him.
Don't stop!
13
00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:29,840
Josh? Are you cheating on me?
14
00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:31,800
Esther, babe... Don't "babe" me!
15
00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:32,880
Whoa!
16
00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:36,960
I'm in love with you, and I think
you might be in love with me too.
17
00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:38,600
What are you doing?
18
00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:40,400
What the fuck? We're over.
19
00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:42,680
And when I'm gone, you're
going to miss me so fucking much
20
00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:43,720
that you'll want to die.
21
00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:54,760
MOANING AND THUDDING WITHIN CUBICLE
22
00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:05,200
MORE FRANTIC MOANING
23
00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:08,120
MAN AND WOMAN CRY OUT
24
00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:11,880
COUPLE INSIDE CUBICLE LAUGH
25
00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:20,960
There's a lady out there. A lady?
What, like a duchess? A woman.
26
00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:22,840
Just go! Act natural.
27
00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:27,800
Ah.
28
00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:46,840
What?
29
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:50,120
MUSIC: Strut
by Liz Lawrence
30
00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:58,640
Gotta go out to a bar
just to find it
31
00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:06,640
Somewhere between the back room
and the pool table...
32
00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:11,000
Excuse me? Can I just get...
33
00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:14,240
Excuse me? H...hello?
34
00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:16,200
How have you not been served yet?
35
00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:18,480
It is a lifelong curse.
36
00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:20,240
Oi!
37
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:22,680
Er, can we have...
What are we having?
38
00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:24,800
Um, well, I did... I had one idea.
39
00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:27,360
Because I worked out
it's six months since we met.
40
00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:29,680
In case you'd forgotten. Is it?
41
00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:30,920
Yeah. Well, give or take.
42
00:02:30,920 --> 00:02:34,120
So I thought maybe...shots?
43
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:35,840
Do you remember Aquavit?
44
00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:38,480
Oh, shit. Yes, yes.
Can we have two shots of Aquavit?
45
00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:41,240
What? Aquavit.
It's a Swedish spirit.
46
00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:42,560
It tastes a bit like...
Absolute shit.
47
00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:45,240
Can we have two of those, please?
I don't think we have that.
48
00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:46,520
Do you want to take a look?
49
00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:49,480
Yeah.
50
00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:54,320
Ooh! I know, it was a bit spicy,
wasn't it?
51
00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:56,080
Spicy.
52
00:02:58,160 --> 00:02:59,240
Uggh!
53
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BOTH COUGH
54
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:01,640
Fucking Aquavit.
55
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:03,640
Cor, it goes straight to the head,
doesn't it?
56
00:03:03,640 --> 00:03:06,840
Yeah, kicks you in the arse.
Oh, God, it's sort of Christmassy.
57
00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:09,360
Oh, yeah, like a EastEnders
Christmas special.
58
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:10,840
Just tragedy and sadness.
59
00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:12,800
Yeah, that is exactly right.
60
00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:16,960
Are you gargling wine?
61
00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:21,000
I'm just washing it around my mouth.
That is weird.
62
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:22,600
You're weird.
63
00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:24,000
I like it.
64
00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:27,680
Oh, this is beautiful, isn't it?
65
00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:30,400
Like you. Shut. Up.
66
00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:33,680
Makes a change from the usual view,
doesn't it?
67
00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:36,480
Maybe you'll get used to it.
68
00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:38,080
When I said I'm moving
north of the river,
69
00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:40,480
I didn't mean immediately north of
the river. Oh.
70
00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:42,240
I thought that's where you were
going to live.
71
00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:44,640
HE LAUGHS
72
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:46,720
To your big move.
73
00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:49,840
Yeah, the start of a new chapter.
74
00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:52,440
It's going to be a good one!
75
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:55,680
Also, you know,
just a bus and a tube away.
76
00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:59,360
Citymapper says it only takes
45 minutes. Yeah. Exactly.
77
00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:04,040
Erm, would you excuse me
for a second?
78
00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:05,840
I've had a bunch of missed calls
from Nina,
79
00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:07,200
so I should probably just check
80
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:09,360
she hasn't flooded the flat
or something. Yeah, course.
81
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:18,760
CALL RINGS OUT
82
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:22,360
Hi. So I am freaking out.
83
00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:25,520
What is it now? We keep talking
about how she's moving away,
84
00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:26,840
and every time it comes up,
85
00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:28,720
I feel like I'm never going to see
her again.
86
00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:31,120
She wants to move
to north London, Josh.
87
00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:32,280
It's not fucking Narnia.
88
00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:33,880
Yes, but what if we only started
89
00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:37,840
because we live across the street
from one another? Here we go.
90
00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:40,040
Yeah, and what if she ends up living
opposite someone else?
91
00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:43,760
Like a male model or a fireman or
something? Sounds hot, actually.
92
00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:46,320
You're fully catastrophising now,
Josh.
93
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:47,800
You haven't been dating that long.
94
00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:49,400
You just don't like change.
95
00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:51,000
Oh, I'm fine with change.
96
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:52,480
I love... I love change!
97
00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:56,120
Her and Zack aren't even
divorced yet, right? No, but I...
98
00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:58,040
Right, so she probably just wants to
take things at her own pace.
99
00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:01,200
Although you're one to talk.
What does that mean?
100
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:02,880
You moved all your stuff in
on date three.
101
00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:04,000
What? Just a toothbrush!
102
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:05,640
And your bloody lizard.
103
00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:08,680
I was at yours all the time,
Billie Jean was missing me.
104
00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:10,760
None of this is worth
a panicky phone call, is my point.
105
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:11,800
Just play it cool
106
00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:12,960
and don't do anything stupid.
107
00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:14,040
I won't!
108
00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:16,760
I'll try not to. Um...
109
00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:21,400
So? How's everything there?
Have um, Lesbian Book Club arrived?
110
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:23,440
Don't call it that.
You called it that!
111
00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:25,000
Yeah, well, we're allowed to.
112
00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:27,600
It's about creating a safe space
for queer women who love literature.
113
00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:29,640
Yeah, Georgia says "We're allowed to
because it's about..."
114
00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:30,880
Yeah, I know, I heard.
115
00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:32,680
And now I can't make fun of you
any more,
116
00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:34,480
so I'm going to go back to my date.
OK, goodbye.
117
00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:37,760
Oh! Oh, God, yeah, God, yeah.
118
00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:40,520
Oh, God, yeah. Oh, God, oh, fuck,
119
00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:43,080
yeah, fuck, yeah, fuck, yeah!
120
00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:44,200
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
121
00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:46,320
Wait! Are you OK?
Yeah, very fucking OK, thank you.
122
00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:48,920
My arse was just about to
fall down the sink. Oh. Sorry.
123
00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:02,440
Shit. Fuck. Um... Pretend to
be sick. Pretend to be sick.
124
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,040
Bleuurggh!
125
00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:12,520
Yeah, sorry, we're almost done.
126
00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:14,800
Bleurrrgh!
We've arrived at the station.
127
00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:16,080
You have to get out.
128
00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:19,320
Yeah, no, it's just,
my boyfriend's being sick. Hi!
129
00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:20,720
Out, please.
130
00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:26,560
I think we got away with it. Yeah.
131
00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:35,720
Thank you.
132
00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:39,160
MUSIC: Charge It
by ENNY
133
00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:45,320
CALL RINGS OUT
134
00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:48,480
Hey. How's the flash new penthouse?
135
00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:50,800
Well, I don't know
if it's flash exactly.
136
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:52,800
But, er, it's all good. Great.
137
00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:54,600
Well, I'm just calling
138
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:56,560
to check that it's still OK for me
to come round tomorrow?
139
00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:58,880
Ah, well, I guess
we have to do it at some point.
140
00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:01,840
I guess we do.
I'll, erm, bring pastries.
141
00:07:01,840 --> 00:07:05,240
Um...bring boxes, we need boxes.
I'll see you tomorrow. Bye.
142
00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:23,800
That sounds like our
favourite lodger! Hey, guys!
143
00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:28,840
Good day, Zachary? TFI Friday,
am I right? I...think so, yeah.
144
00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:32,000
Any evening plans? I've made too
much kedgeree's the thing.
145
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:34,280
We were wondering if you'd like to
join us?
146
00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:36,960
Er...that'd be... Yeah, sure.
That'd be lovely.
147
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:38,760
8.30? Super.
148
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:01,560
Oh, my God.
149
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:04,440
It was just...
I should have done it years ago.
150
00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:07,440
I just feel like all my cells
are different now.
151
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:09,040
Yeah, I literally just got in.
152
00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:11,320
Actually, um, that was the one
of the reasons I was ringing.
153
00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:13,560
I was wondering if I could crash
at yours for a little bit.
154
00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,280
I know you've got that
little spare room...
155
00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:16,880
Yeah, but that's why it'd be nice!
156
00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:19,000
Because we can catch up
after so long.
157
00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:21,480
And you can meet Lars!
We met in Thailand.
158
00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:24,720
Yeah, well, yeah, he'll stay
in the room with me as well, yeah.
159
00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:25,760
CALL CUTS OFF
160
00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:28,720
Hello? Oh.
161
00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:31,440
Shit. OK, who else, who else?
162
00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:34,040
Babe! I got you a Crunchie.
163
00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:36,280
Aw, thanks, babe.
164
00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:38,480
Hey. Why the frowny face?
165
00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:40,200
I'm trying to find somewhere for us
to stay.
166
00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:42,640
I thought you had a flat, babe?
Yeah, I do.
167
00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:45,120
But, um, we can't stay there
because,
168
00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:47,080
I never told you this, but...
169
00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:49,320
I broke up with someone
before I went travelling.
170
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:52,360
And we were together for ages,
actually, like more than ten years.
171
00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:54,040
And he still lives in the flat,
172
00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:56,800
and I haven't spoken to him
since I left. Oh. Cool.
173
00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:57,840
You don't mind?
174
00:08:57,840 --> 00:08:59,240
Of course not, babe.
175
00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:02,640
I know you had a sexual past
before we met. Aww.
176
00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:06,720
Also, I've slept under
the stars many times.
177
00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:10,240
Once, in Goa, I slept outdoors
every day for nine months.
178
00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:11,440
I find it very beautiful.
179
00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:13,640
Yeah, no, we'll definitely stay
somewhere indoors,
180
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:15,160
but let's get going, shall we?
Yeah!
181
00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:21,560
What's this? That's the Shard.
Wow, the Shard.
182
00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:22,920
Shard. Shard.
183
00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:25,120
I don't know what it does, though.
184
00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:40,000
Um, oh, God, this is terrible.
185
00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:42,120
You don't remember her name!
186
00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:43,440
You fuckboi!
187
00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:46,720
No, I want to say Sharleen?
No, she was Scottish.
188
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:49,560
And it was in a tent
at Reading Festival.
189
00:09:49,560 --> 00:09:51,520
Oh, Josh. That is so gross.
190
00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:52,840
No, it was quite sweet, actually.
191
00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:54,800
I had no idea what I was doing.
192
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:57,960
Well, nothing's changed
on that front, then.
193
00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:02,280
That is not what you were saying
on the kitchen floor the other day.
194
00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:04,600
I don't think that
counts as saying anything.
195
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:07,840
I was...speaking in tongues.
196
00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:13,160
What about you? Who was your first?
197
00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:14,520
Adrian Wong.
198
00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:17,480
Oh! The famous Adrian Wong.
Shut up.
199
00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:19,200
He was my first boyfriend.
200
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,040
It was pretty standard.
201
00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:22,760
His parents went out for the night,
202
00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:26,320
went on for 15 seconds, had
a little cry on the tube afterwards.
203
00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:27,800
Sounds pretty standard, yeah.
204
00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:31,000
That's one of the benefits of having
you across the road. What is?
205
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:36,440
No crying on the tube. Well, yeah,
I mean, for now, anyway.
206
00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:41,280
All on one card? Er, yes, please.
207
00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:42,920
You know, I think it'll be good,
though.
208
00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:46,080
You know, not being on each
other's doorsteps.
209
00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:48,720
Not being in each other's pockets.
210
00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:51,160
Not taking each other for granted...
Move in with me!
211
00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:58,080
Wow! A big moment. Fuck off.
212
00:10:58,080 --> 00:10:59,240
Sorry.
213
00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:00,800
I'm...I'm really sorry.
214
00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:04,400
That was so rude, it was
just an impulse... He's gone.
215
00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:13,160
Move in? Josh,
this is meant to be the fun bit.
216
00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:16,120
I'm having fun, aren't you?
217
00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:17,240
I mean...
218
00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:21,600
..this is more than just fun,
isn't it?
219
00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:26,040
I... OK, OK, OK.
OK, you're right.
220
00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:28,240
Blurgh! Forget I said anything.
221
00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:30,040
That was just a stupid impulse.
Argh!
222
00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:35,960
You're not the most impulsive person
I've ever met, Josh,
223
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:37,400
so I don't think that that's right.
224
00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:49,760
Look, um, my sister's having
birthday drinks at the Legion.
225
00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:53,520
I wasn't going to go, but I think
I'm going to drop by now.
226
00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:57,480
What is wrong with you?
You look like you're buffering.
227
00:11:57,480 --> 00:11:59,080
I, I assumed we were going back to
yours.
228
00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:01,400
Didn't we say... Well, lucky you
have a flat of your own, then.
229
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:02,560
Yeah, but I think I mentioned
230
00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:05,080
that Nina and Georgia are having
their Lesbian Book Club there.
231
00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:07,280
Lesbian Book Club? That's how they
described it! Couldn't they just...
232
00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:08,960
No, they're having their place
done up at the minute...
233
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:12,120
Look, Josh! I don't know, just...
Just figure it out.
234
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:16,720
I just, just need a bit of
headspace.
235
00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:21,160
Look, I'll call you tomorrow, yeah?
236
00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:31,160
MUSIC: C'est Comme Ca
by Paramore & Wet Leg
237
00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:38,680
Fuck.
238
00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:48,160
CAR HORN BLARES
Sorry.
239
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:56,400
C'est comme ca, c'est comme ca
240
00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:58,520
C'est comme ca,
c'est comme ca
241
00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:01,280
C'est comme ca,
c'est comme ca...
242
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:04,880
I'm sorry, my plans changed.
I'm going to go straight to my room
243
00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:06,200
and you can ignore me...
244
00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:11,560
Oh, my God.
245
00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:14,720
C'est comme ca, c'est comme ca
246
00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:18,560
C'est comme ca,
c'est comme ca
247
00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:21,760
C'est comme ca, c'est comme ca
248
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:25,000
C'est comme ca,
c'est comme ca
249
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,960
C'est comme ca, c'est comme ca
250
00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:30,400
C'est comme ca, c'est comme ca.
251
00:13:30,450 --> 00:13:35,000
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