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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:24,733 --> 00:00:27,110 (PEOPLE CHATTERING) 2 00:00:37,328 --> 00:00:39,247 (NEVER BEEN TO MEPLAYING) 3 00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:49,799 (LIP-SYNCHING) * Hey lady, you, lady 4 00:00:49,841 --> 00:00:52,802 * Cursin' at your life 5 00:00:52,844 --> 00:00:56,639 * You're a discontented mother 6 00:00:56,681 --> 00:01:00,477 * And a regimented wife 7 00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:05,148 * I've no doubt you dream about 8 00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:08,568 * The things you never do 9 00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:12,405 * But I wish someone had've talked to me 10 00:01:12,447 --> 00:01:15,784 * Like I wanna talk to you 11 00:01:15,825 --> 00:01:20,497 * Ooh, I've been to Georgia and California 12 00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:25,001 * Anywhere I could run 13 00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:28,171 * Took the hand of a preacher man 14 00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:31,675 * And we made love in the sun 15 00:01:31,716 --> 00:01:36,304 * But I ran out of places and friendly faces 16 00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:40,308 * Because I had to be free 17 00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:43,853 * I've been to paradise 18 00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:48,233 * But I've never been to me 19 00:01:50,735 --> 00:01:54,698 * Please, lady, please, lady 20 00:01:54,739 --> 00:01:58,034 * Don't just walk away 21 00:01:58,076 --> 00:02:01,705 * 'Cause I have this need to tell you 22 00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:06,376 * Why I'm all alone today 23 00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:09,963 * I can see so much of me 24 00:02:10,005 --> 00:02:13,383 * Still living in your eyes 25 00:02:13,425 --> 00:02:17,679 * Won't you share a part of a weary heart 26 00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:20,557 (DOLL SQUEAKING) * That has lived a million lies 27 00:02:20,598 --> 00:02:25,520 * Oh, I've been to Nice and the Isle of Greece 28 00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:29,649 * While I sipped champagne on a yacht 29 00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:33,737 * I moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo 30 00:02:33,778 --> 00:02:36,406 * And showed 'em what I've got 31 00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:41,244 * I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things 32 00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:45,081 * That a woman ain't s'posed to see 33 00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:49,794 * I've been to paradise 34 00:02:52,797 --> 00:02:58,136 * But I've never been to me 35 00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:08,521 * I've been to paradise * 36 00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:11,399 (ALL CHEERING) 37 00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:13,777 I want more! 38 00:03:13,818 --> 00:03:15,153 MAN: Oh, God. 39 00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:25,497 (ALL LAUGHING) 40 00:03:26,998 --> 00:03:28,500 Are you okay? 41 00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:35,298 That was fucking charming, you gutless pack of dickheads. 42 00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:37,300 MAN 1: Fuck off, you talent-less dog! 43 00:03:37,342 --> 00:03:38,968 What was that? MAN 2: Show us your pink bits. 44 00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:40,720 No, I don't think I will. 45 00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:41,971 Now, do you know why this microphone has such a long cord? 46 00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:43,682 MAN 3: Why? 47 00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,684 So it's easily retrieved after I've shoved it up your ass. 48 00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:56,695 FELICIA: Christ Almighty! 49 00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:01,199 What the fuck's going on out there tonight? 50 00:04:01,991 --> 00:04:03,201 Are you hurt? 51 00:04:04,703 --> 00:04:08,164 All right, which one of you bitches sat on my dress? 52 00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:10,208 MAN: Tick, darling, it's for you. 53 00:04:11,876 --> 00:04:13,420 Hello. MARION: Ding-dong. 54 00:04:13,461 --> 00:04:16,172 Avon calling. Howdy, sunshine. 55 00:04:16,214 --> 00:04:17,632 Long time no hear. 56 00:04:19,217 --> 00:04:21,344 Where? Emergency Ward A. 57 00:04:25,015 --> 00:04:26,307 Mr. Belrose? 58 00:04:27,892 --> 00:04:29,227 Yes? 59 00:04:31,896 --> 00:04:34,190 So, how about it? 60 00:04:36,901 --> 00:04:39,571 (PEOPLE SCREAMING) 61 00:04:40,739 --> 00:04:42,574 (CAR ALARM SOUNDING) 62 00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:55,420 (PHONE RINGING) 63 00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:01,051 BERNADETTE: Yeah. 64 00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:04,137 Bernadette? It's Tick. 65 00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:06,056 Sorry to call you so late, but... 66 00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:08,558 Hey, are you okay? 67 00:05:09,684 --> 00:05:11,353 No, I'm not. 68 00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:13,104 MITZI: Well, what's the matter? 69 00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:15,398 Trumpet just died. 70 00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:22,447 (PRIEST SPEAKING) 71 00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:30,372 PRIEST: "The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want. 72 00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:33,041 "He maketh me to lie down in green pastures. 73 00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:35,752 "He leadeth me beside the still waters. 74 00:05:35,794 --> 00:05:37,879 "He restoreth my soul. 75 00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:41,758 "He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 76 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:44,594 "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, 77 00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:47,889 "I will fear no evil, for thou art with me. 78 00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:50,558 "Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. 79 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,352 "Thou preparest a table before me 80 00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:54,854 "in the presence of mine enemies. 81 00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:56,606 "Thou anointest my head with oil. 82 00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:59,025 "My cup runneth over. 83 00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:03,571 "Surely, goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, 84 00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:05,657 "and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." 85 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:09,703 It's not fair. 86 00:06:09,744 --> 00:06:12,080 I've spent half my life and all my savings 87 00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:15,041 trying to snag a sympathetic husband. 88 00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:17,335 Selfish little shit goes and dies on me. 89 00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:23,383 25 years old, and he goes and slips over in a bathroom. 90 00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:24,676 He didn't slip. 91 00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:27,929 He was peroxiding his hair at home again 92 00:06:27,971 --> 00:06:29,514 and he asphyxiated on the fumes. 93 00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:34,436 I've gotta get some space. 94 00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:37,063 I've been asked to do a show out of town. 95 00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:38,648 That's nice. 96 00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:40,650 Why don't you come with me? 97 00:06:40,692 --> 00:06:43,486 I'll need some help, and I think we can both use the break. 98 00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:45,196 You're not wrong. Where is it? 99 00:06:46,614 --> 00:06:47,449 Alice Springs. 100 00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:52,162 You've got to be fucking joking! 101 00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:56,166 MITZI: Wo-Man is a unique range 102 00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:59,252 of specialty facial products 103 00:06:59,294 --> 00:07:00,712 designed for the more 104 00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:04,174 heavy-duty woman in us all. 105 00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:07,427 Now, this week... 106 00:07:07,469 --> 00:07:09,804 (PHONE RINGING) Excuse me. 107 00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:12,390 MITZI: Hello. 108 00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:14,392 How long is the run? 109 00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:19,105 Four weeks. Equity minimum, two shows a night, 110 00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:20,565 accommodation included. 111 00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:23,026 (SIGHING) 112 00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:26,196 I can't just sit around here crying all the time. 113 00:07:26,237 --> 00:07:30,033 Jesus! My mascara keeps running. I look like a raccoon. 114 00:07:30,075 --> 00:07:33,953 (LAUGHING) Good girl. That's the spirit. 115 00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:35,747 Here's hoping the desert's big enough for the two of us. 116 00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:40,293 Three of us. 117 00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:43,713 (SINGING) * Our days at holiday, let's pack the drag away 118 00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:47,384 * You take the lunch and tea, I'll take the ecstasy 119 00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:50,845 * Fuck off, you silly queer, I'm getting out of here 120 00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:54,182 * A desert holiday, hip, hip, hip, hip hurray * 121 00:07:57,852 --> 00:07:58,770 Why? 122 00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:01,856 Why not? 123 00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:04,859 Look, he's turned into a bloody good little performer. 124 00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:07,237 That's right. A bloody good little performer, 125 00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:09,989 24 hours a day, seven days a week. 126 00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:12,367 I thought we were getting away from all this shit. 127 00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:16,204 Two's company, three's a party, Bernadette, my sweet. 128 00:08:16,246 --> 00:08:20,375 We're unplugging our curling wands and going bush for this show. 129 00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:22,585 Why would you possibly want to leave all this glamour 130 00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:24,254 for a hike into the middle of nowhere? 131 00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:25,672 Do you really want to know? 132 00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:26,715 Desperately. 133 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:32,762 Well, ever since I was a lad, I've had this dream, 134 00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:36,099 a dream that I now finally have a chance to fulfill. 135 00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:38,685 And that is? 136 00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:43,440 To travel to the center of Australia, climb Kings Canyon as a queen 137 00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:46,609 in a full-length Gaultier sequin, heels, and a tiara. 138 00:08:49,154 --> 00:08:53,074 Great. That's just what this country needs, 139 00:08:53,116 --> 00:08:55,368 a cock in a frock on a rock. 140 00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:57,579 Get back in your kennels, both of you. 141 00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:00,665 The first thing we have to work out 142 00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:04,085 is how the hell we're gonna get there. 143 00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:11,343 (SCREECHING) 144 00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:19,517 Ta-da! 145 00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:22,270 What do you think? 146 00:09:22,312 --> 00:09:24,606 BERNADETTE: When do we have to return it to the school? 147 00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:26,274 We don't. We own it. 148 00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:30,779 What? MAN: Hi, darling, how are you? 149 00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:34,741 Well, I met some nice, Swedish tourists called Lars, Lars, and Lars, 150 00:09:34,783 --> 00:09:37,577 and I coaxed it out of them for 10,000 bucks. 151 00:09:37,619 --> 00:09:38,953 We can't afford it. 152 00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:40,997 Well, that's right. 153 00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:44,167 Mummy, maybe a trip to the Outback would help me get over 154 00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:47,337 this little phase I'm going through. 155 00:09:47,379 --> 00:09:50,298 And you never know. I might meet some lovely country girl. 156 00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:55,345 I hereby christen this budget Barbie camper, 157 00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:57,639 Priscilla, queen of the desert. 158 00:10:01,893 --> 00:10:04,062 Seems to be the understatement of the century. 159 00:10:14,989 --> 00:10:16,783 * Together 160 00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:18,868 * We will go our way 161 00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:20,620 * Together 162 00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:22,539 * We will leave someday 163 00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:23,540 * Together 164 00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:24,749 Mum. 165 00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:32,173 MAN: Ladies and gentlemen, 166 00:10:32,215 --> 00:10:35,218 we're here today to see off a very brave woman 167 00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:38,221 who will attempt to cross a continent alone. 168 00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:40,640 On behalf of all our sponsors... 169 00:10:40,682 --> 00:10:43,268 (PEOPLE CHEERING) 170 00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:46,855 * Go West 171 00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:48,857 * Life is peaceful there 172 00:10:48,898 --> 00:10:50,316 * Go West 173 00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:52,527 * Lots of open air 174 00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:53,903 * Go West 175 00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:56,364 * To begin life new 176 00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:59,534 Ladies, start your engines. 177 00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:02,370 (ENGINE REVVING) 178 00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:05,749 * Go West 179 00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:07,584 * We will do just fine 180 00:11:07,625 --> 00:11:09,336 * Go West 181 00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:11,087 * Where the skies are blue 182 00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:13,173 * Go West 183 00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:15,508 * This and more we'll do 184 00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:16,885 * Together 185 00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:19,054 * We will love the beach 186 00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:20,889 * Together 187 00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:22,891 * We will learn and teach 188 00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:24,351 * Together 189 00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:26,686 * Change our pace of life 190 00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:28,188 * Together 191 00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:31,232 * We will work and strive * 192 00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:33,109 (SINGING) * This old man, he played two 193 00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:35,362 * He played knick-knack on my shoe * 194 00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:39,491 Oh, please! Oh, give me a break! 195 00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:43,870 * Four fat trannies workin' on the wall 196 00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:48,458 * And if one fat tranny should accidentally fall * 197 00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:51,461 * Oh, my darling, Clementine * 198 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:54,714 (HUMMING) 199 00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:56,132 (SIGHING) 200 00:11:57,258 --> 00:11:58,802 How long have we been on the road? 201 00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:01,429 Four and a half hours. 202 00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:04,224 (GROANS) 203 00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:06,685 I've got a splitting headache already. 204 00:12:08,812 --> 00:12:10,063 Happy hour! 205 00:12:10,105 --> 00:12:11,898 Mother's Ruin pour moi. 206 00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:13,483 Long Island Tea. 207 00:12:13,525 --> 00:12:15,360 And a Stoli and tonic for me. 208 00:12:19,698 --> 00:12:21,658 Stupid cow! Yeah, well, listen to this one. 209 00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:23,493 After we did the ABBA show, 210 00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:26,121 Kevin had one of those liposuction penis enlargements. 211 00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:27,956 He didn't? Yep. 212 00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:29,457 Do you know what they do? 213 00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:31,960 They siphon all the fat out of your love handles 214 00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:33,795 and actually inject it into your wing-wang. 215 00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:35,922 Yucky! 216 00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:37,090 I suppose it gives a whole new meaning 217 00:12:37,132 --> 00:12:38,842 to cracking a fat, though, doesn't it? 218 00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,552 (BOTH LAUGHING) 219 00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:43,847 Oh, listen to yourselves. 220 00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:47,308 You sound like two fat slags at a pie bake-off. 221 00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:49,019 Well, your contribution to the conversation 222 00:12:49,060 --> 00:12:50,729 hasn't exactly made headlines, Bernice. 223 00:12:51,730 --> 00:12:54,649 Gee, poor Kevin's dick. 224 00:12:54,691 --> 00:12:56,317 There can't be much room down there 225 00:12:56,359 --> 00:12:58,737 with his brain taking up so much space already. 226 00:13:00,739 --> 00:13:03,450 No, I'll join this conversation on the proviso 227 00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:05,535 that we stop bitching about people, 228 00:13:05,577 --> 00:13:09,205 talking about wigs, dresses, bust sizes, 229 00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:13,543 penises, drugs, nightclubs, and bloody ABBA. 230 00:13:13,585 --> 00:13:15,420 Doesn't give us much to talk about then, does it? 231 00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:20,216 Hey, can you confirm a rumor for me? 232 00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:22,052 Is it true that her real name's Ralph? 233 00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:30,268 How do you like your little boys, girls? 234 00:13:34,397 --> 00:13:36,232 You don't have to answer that if you don't want to. 235 00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:39,027 BERNADETTE: Oh, my God. 236 00:13:39,069 --> 00:13:41,363 What is this, Outback with Benny Hill? 237 00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:44,240 Just leave mine outside the door at about 8:00 a.m., 238 00:13:44,282 --> 00:13:47,035 along with an orange juice and toast, please. 239 00:13:47,077 --> 00:13:49,371 Oh, why, certainly, madam. 240 00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:52,624 And would you like Vegemite or jam with that? 241 00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:58,588 Uh, knock, knock, room service. 242 00:13:58,630 --> 00:14:00,382 MITZI: Can't you read the sign? Do Not Disturb. 243 00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:01,925 Please come back in the morning. 244 00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:03,551 Ha ha, girls! Open the door. 245 00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:06,054 Good night, Bernice. 246 00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:09,182 Good night, Mitzi. 247 00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:10,600 Open the fucking door! 248 00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:14,604 (CLANKING) 249 00:14:14,646 --> 00:14:18,233 Okay, if you don't open the door, I'm gonna sing. 250 00:14:20,819 --> 00:14:22,570 Fine. You asked for it. 251 00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:26,700 (SINGING) * I don't care if the sun don't shine 252 00:14:26,741 --> 00:14:28,868 * I get my loving in the evening time 253 00:14:28,910 --> 00:14:33,289 * When I'm with my baby 254 00:14:33,331 --> 00:14:35,750 * It's no fun with the sun around 255 00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:37,877 * 'Cause I get going when the sun goes down 256 00:14:37,919 --> 00:14:40,880 * And I meet my baby 257 00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:42,465 (BANGING) 258 00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:44,718 * That's when we kiss and kiss and kiss 259 00:14:44,759 --> 00:14:46,302 * And then we kiss some more 260 00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:47,971 * Don't ask how many times * 261 00:14:48,013 --> 00:14:49,472 BERNADETTE: Good night, John Boy. 262 00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:51,016 (YELLING) 263 00:14:55,270 --> 00:14:58,148 FELICIA: I'm seriously falling asleep. 264 00:14:58,189 --> 00:15:00,900 It's your shift, and you're gonna stick to it. 265 00:15:00,942 --> 00:15:03,319 Serves you right for staying out all night, slut. 266 00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:05,405 Well, I'm not gonna make it. 267 00:15:05,447 --> 00:15:07,657 (SINGING) * I don't care if the sun don't shine * 268 00:15:07,699 --> 00:15:09,826 FELICIA: Oh, fuck off, Grandma. 269 00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:10,827 You all right? 270 00:15:12,162 --> 00:15:14,205 Me? Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just thinking. 271 00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:19,085 (MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO) * Billy, don't be a hero 272 00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:21,838 * Don't be a fool with your life 273 00:15:24,049 --> 00:15:27,177 * Billy, don't be a hero 274 00:15:27,218 --> 00:15:29,012 * Come back and make me your wife 275 00:15:29,054 --> 00:15:30,388 (BRAKES SCREECHING) 276 00:15:32,307 --> 00:15:36,519 * And as he started to go she said 277 00:15:36,561 --> 00:15:40,148 * Keep your pretty head low * 278 00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:43,568 (BRAKES SCREECHING) 279 00:15:47,906 --> 00:15:50,533 Sorry. Shit! 280 00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:53,078 What is it? 281 00:16:08,885 --> 00:16:10,553 Perhaps we should've flown. 282 00:16:28,905 --> 00:16:31,574 FELICIA: (BUZZING) Wrong, but thanks for playing. Anyone else? 283 00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:32,867 BERNADETTE: No. 284 00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:35,328 Witchetty grub. Your turn. 285 00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:38,581 I spy with my little eye something beginning with "R." 286 00:16:39,290 --> 00:16:41,710 Rectum. No. 287 00:16:41,751 --> 00:16:43,586 Ring pirate? No. 288 00:16:43,628 --> 00:16:45,547 Road. 289 00:16:45,588 --> 00:16:48,174 All right, that's it. What's the matter with you? 290 00:16:48,216 --> 00:16:50,427 Nothing, darling. Don't "darling" me, darling. 291 00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:52,512 Look at you. You got a face like a cat's ass. 292 00:16:52,554 --> 00:16:54,180 Now, come on, 'fess up. 293 00:16:54,222 --> 00:16:56,391 Just worried about the show, that's all. 294 00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:58,393 We haven't done any rehearsals yet. 295 00:16:58,435 --> 00:16:59,936 We got two weeks, for Christ's sake. 296 00:16:59,978 --> 00:17:01,229 There's plenty of time to rehearse. 297 00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:03,606 Now what is your problem? 298 00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:06,776 It's not a problem. I just want the show to be good, that's all. 299 00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:08,445 Gotta be good. 300 00:17:08,486 --> 00:17:10,447 How the fuck did you get this job, Mitzi, my darling? 301 00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:11,823 I mean, who is the fish that runs 302 00:17:11,865 --> 00:17:13,867 this bloody hotel in the middle of nowhere, anyway? 303 00:17:13,908 --> 00:17:15,118 Your mother? 304 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:17,245 No, my wife. 305 00:17:17,287 --> 00:17:20,206 Oh, don't tell me you've got an ex-boyfriend 306 00:17:20,248 --> 00:17:21,624 tucked away out here somewhere. 307 00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:22,834 No, my wife. 308 00:17:24,836 --> 00:17:26,046 I'm married. 309 00:17:26,087 --> 00:17:28,173 (TIRES SCREECHING) 310 00:17:30,133 --> 00:17:31,760 (CHURCH ORGAN PLAYING) 311 00:17:36,848 --> 00:17:41,144 And when the joint bank account ran dry after a couple of years, 312 00:17:43,605 --> 00:17:46,983 I guess I preferred her wedding ring to mine, so no drama. 313 00:17:47,025 --> 00:17:49,361 We swapped and called it a day. 314 00:17:50,362 --> 00:17:52,489 This is getting too weird. 315 00:17:53,865 --> 00:17:55,450 You and a woman. 316 00:17:57,619 --> 00:17:59,746 I mean, what did she used to do for kicks? 317 00:17:59,788 --> 00:18:01,623 Put a bucket on your head and swing off the handle? 318 00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:03,458 (SIZZLING) 319 00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:06,252 You know, there are two things I don't like about you, Felicia. 320 00:18:06,294 --> 00:18:10,006 Your face. So how about shutting both of them? 321 00:18:10,048 --> 00:18:13,426 At least this explains your abysmal batting average, Mitz. 322 00:18:13,468 --> 00:18:16,179 I often wondered why your dance card was so empty. 323 00:18:16,221 --> 00:18:18,056 I take it you never got a divorce, then? 324 00:18:21,142 --> 00:18:23,812 Well, girls, what can I say? 325 00:18:23,853 --> 00:18:26,022 Here's to a secret very well-kept. 326 00:18:26,064 --> 00:18:27,857 Shame it's not gonna stay that way, isn't it? 327 00:18:27,899 --> 00:18:28,733 Mmm. 328 00:18:30,485 --> 00:18:33,363 Got any more little surprises you'd like to share with us? 329 00:18:33,405 --> 00:18:36,241 Haven't got any kids stashed away out there as well, have you? 330 00:18:41,579 --> 00:18:44,749 Look, I haven't lied about anything. 331 00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:48,837 After six years, I get a phone call 332 00:18:48,878 --> 00:18:50,880 out of nowhere, screaming for help. 333 00:18:50,922 --> 00:18:53,341 Christ knows I owe her a couple of favors. 334 00:18:57,345 --> 00:18:59,389 I'm sorry that I never told you. 335 00:19:01,391 --> 00:19:03,268 I'm not sorry that you're here. 336 00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:12,402 BERNADETTE: Don't worry about it, dolls. 337 00:19:13,403 --> 00:19:15,280 I'm as jealous as all hell. 338 00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:27,792 What? 339 00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:31,421 So was it a big wedding? 340 00:19:31,463 --> 00:19:33,757 Get lots of prezzies, did you? 341 00:19:33,798 --> 00:19:35,884 I just wish I was old enough to have been there. 342 00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:37,761 Oh, ha-ha. 343 00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:40,055 I would've bought you a lovely matching set 344 00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:42,515 of hers and hers bathmats or something. 345 00:19:42,557 --> 00:19:43,767 Oh, give it a rest. 346 00:19:43,808 --> 00:19:45,685 Not on your life. 347 00:19:45,727 --> 00:19:51,441 Oh, imagine! Mitzi the Magnificent and her blushing bride. 348 00:19:51,483 --> 00:19:53,777 Mowing those lawns must've been murder on your heels, though. 349 00:19:53,818 --> 00:19:56,196 All right, Felicia, that's enough. 350 00:19:56,237 --> 00:19:59,407 Let's put some money in that seething, cesspool mouth of yours. 351 00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:02,285 If I win this game, you will never mention my wife 352 00:20:02,327 --> 00:20:04,454 ever in my presence again, okay? 353 00:20:04,996 --> 00:20:06,539 And if I win? 354 00:20:06,581 --> 00:20:08,625 Name your price. 355 00:20:08,667 --> 00:20:11,753 Well, now, what would I like more than anything else 356 00:20:11,795 --> 00:20:13,672 in the whole, wide world? 357 00:20:14,631 --> 00:20:17,175 Snap. Better be quick. 358 00:20:19,678 --> 00:20:23,056 * And all the trouble we've been through 359 00:20:23,098 --> 00:20:27,060 * Ah, please don't talk about all of the plans 360 00:20:27,102 --> 00:20:30,313 * We had for fixin' this broken romance 361 00:20:31,523 --> 00:20:34,150 * I want to go where the people dance 362 00:20:34,192 --> 00:20:35,610 What the fuck am I doing? 363 00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:38,488 Take that bloody frock off, Felicia. 364 00:20:38,530 --> 00:20:40,490 Don't make it any worse than it is. 365 00:20:40,532 --> 00:20:43,159 You think I'm gonna let you walk away with all the attention? 366 00:20:43,201 --> 00:20:45,829 No chance. Come on, girls. 367 00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:48,164 Let's go shopping. 368 00:20:48,206 --> 00:20:50,333 Oh, for Christ's sake. 369 00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:52,502 * I love the nightlife 370 00:20:52,544 --> 00:20:56,506 * I got to boogie on the disco 'round 371 00:20:57,132 --> 00:20:59,175 * Oh, yeah 372 00:20:59,217 --> 00:21:02,137 * Oh, I love the nightlife 373 00:21:02,178 --> 00:21:06,683 * I got to boogie on the disco 'round 374 00:21:06,725 --> 00:21:08,268 * Oh, yeah 375 00:21:08,309 --> 00:21:10,061 I just adore these hats. 376 00:21:10,979 --> 00:21:12,397 Come on, come on! 377 00:21:14,399 --> 00:21:16,026 (WHINING) 378 00:21:16,067 --> 00:21:19,279 * Your sweet talking won't make it right 379 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:23,033 * Love and lies just bring me down 380 00:21:23,074 --> 00:21:26,536 * When you've got women all over the town 381 00:21:26,578 --> 00:21:29,664 * You can love them all and when you're through * 382 00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:33,752 You've got to be kidding. 383 00:21:34,753 --> 00:21:36,463 Welcome to Mario's Palace. 384 00:21:36,504 --> 00:21:37,756 Come in, come in. 385 00:21:40,759 --> 00:21:43,178 Come in. What can I do for you? 386 00:21:43,219 --> 00:21:45,305 Would you like a room, madam? 387 00:21:45,347 --> 00:21:49,559 (OPERA MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS) 388 00:21:59,569 --> 00:22:00,862 Subtle. 389 00:22:00,904 --> 00:22:03,073 Oh, tack-o-rama. 390 00:22:03,114 --> 00:22:04,991 Who the hell does all the painting around here? 391 00:22:05,033 --> 00:22:09,329 Someone with no arms or right foot, by the look of things. 392 00:22:09,371 --> 00:22:12,165 Oh, for goodness sakes, get down off that crucifix. 393 00:22:12,207 --> 00:22:13,416 Someone needs the wood. 394 00:22:13,958 --> 00:22:16,586 What have we here? 395 00:22:19,297 --> 00:22:21,549 What fun. Baby bottles of booze. 396 00:22:22,550 --> 00:22:25,261 Oh. Gather round, girls. 397 00:22:25,303 --> 00:22:27,263 Let me show you a trick. 398 00:22:27,305 --> 00:22:29,307 You, um, drink the gin, 399 00:22:35,730 --> 00:22:37,023 fill the bottle up with water, 400 00:22:37,065 --> 00:22:38,566 and put it back in the fridge. 401 00:22:38,608 --> 00:22:41,611 Va t'en vous. What about the Scotch? 402 00:22:41,653 --> 00:22:44,781 That's where the complimentary teabags come in handy. 403 00:22:44,823 --> 00:22:47,117 Very clever. Cheers, girls. 404 00:22:47,158 --> 00:22:49,953 And congratulations, Mitzi, darling. You did it. 405 00:22:49,994 --> 00:22:53,623 One lap of the Broken Hill main drag in drag. 406 00:22:53,665 --> 00:22:56,626 That'll teach you to take on the Fairmont Boys School Snap champion. 407 00:22:56,668 --> 00:22:59,295 Here's to being off that fucking bus. 408 00:22:59,337 --> 00:23:00,630 (SIGHING) 409 00:23:00,672 --> 00:23:02,340 Chookers. Chookers. 410 00:23:06,136 --> 00:23:09,723 So, all dolled up and nowhere to go. 411 00:23:09,764 --> 00:23:12,475 I sure as shit am not gonna sit in here all evening. 412 00:23:12,517 --> 00:23:13,685 I'm in. 413 00:23:18,523 --> 00:23:22,652 Oh, all right. Here's hoping they have a decent cocktail bar. 414 00:23:22,694 --> 00:23:25,363 (PEOPLE CHATTERING) 415 00:23:43,506 --> 00:23:48,178 Hello. Could I please have a Stoli and tonic, 416 00:23:48,219 --> 00:23:51,056 a Bloody Mary, and a lime daiquiri, please? 417 00:23:52,223 --> 00:23:56,728 WOMAN: Well, look what the cat dragged in. 418 00:23:59,397 --> 00:24:02,025 What have we got here, eh? 419 00:24:02,067 --> 00:24:04,569 A couple of showgirls, have we? 420 00:24:06,863 --> 00:24:10,241 Where did you ladies come in from? Uranus? 421 00:24:12,243 --> 00:24:13,870 Could I please have a Stoli... 422 00:24:13,912 --> 00:24:16,164 No! You can't have. 423 00:24:16,206 --> 00:24:18,166 You can't have nothing. 424 00:24:18,208 --> 00:24:20,377 We've got nothing here for people like you. 425 00:24:20,418 --> 00:24:21,586 Nothing! 426 00:24:32,055 --> 00:24:34,683 Now listen here, you mullet. 427 00:24:34,724 --> 00:24:38,520 Why don't you just light your tampon and blow your box apart, 428 00:24:38,561 --> 00:24:41,731 because it's the only bang you're ever gonna get, sweetheart. 429 00:24:43,775 --> 00:24:47,278 (ALL LAUGHING) 430 00:24:57,622 --> 00:25:01,251 (PIANO PLAYING) 431 00:25:01,292 --> 00:25:03,086 (FELICIA SINGING) * I get my loving in the evening time 432 00:25:03,128 --> 00:25:06,589 (DRUNKENLY) * When I'm with my baby * 433 00:25:09,467 --> 00:25:13,513 Now, what could be more soothing 434 00:25:13,555 --> 00:25:18,560 than coming home after a hard day's work down the mine 435 00:25:19,394 --> 00:25:23,023 to the Wo-Man in us all? 436 00:25:23,064 --> 00:25:26,234 Now, don't send any money, okay? 437 00:25:32,991 --> 00:25:34,743 (MEN EXCLAIMING) 438 00:26:05,982 --> 00:26:07,275 ALL: Ooh. 439 00:26:13,490 --> 00:26:15,367 Shit! 440 00:26:16,701 --> 00:26:20,038 All I can see is female impersonators. 441 00:26:27,212 --> 00:26:29,005 This has gotta be a first. 442 00:26:29,047 --> 00:26:32,342 Nobody has ever out-drunk old Shirl before. 443 00:26:32,384 --> 00:26:34,344 Where'd you learn to throw them back like that? 444 00:26:34,386 --> 00:26:36,346 That's our girl, Bernadette. 445 00:26:36,388 --> 00:26:38,181 I just knew that stumbling around 446 00:26:38,223 --> 00:26:39,974 the pub circuit with Les Girls 447 00:26:40,016 --> 00:26:42,352 for 200 years must've taught her something. 448 00:26:42,394 --> 00:26:44,688 You're a bloody marvel, Bernie. 449 00:26:44,729 --> 00:26:46,022 Bernadette, please. 450 00:26:46,064 --> 00:26:47,190 What's that? 451 00:26:47,232 --> 00:26:48,858 My name isn't Bernie. 452 00:26:48,900 --> 00:26:50,360 She said her name isn't Bernie. 453 00:26:52,362 --> 00:26:53,488 It's Ralph! 454 00:26:58,326 --> 00:26:59,411 Come on. 455 00:27:05,583 --> 00:27:06,668 What did you call me? 456 00:27:07,836 --> 00:27:09,504 "What did you call me," what? 457 00:27:09,546 --> 00:27:12,173 What did you call me back there in the bar? 458 00:27:12,215 --> 00:27:13,717 FELICIA: Sorry, Ralph. 459 00:27:16,594 --> 00:27:17,721 You fucking idiot! 460 00:27:20,098 --> 00:27:21,891 Fuck! 461 00:27:21,933 --> 00:27:25,562 Fuck! Get off me, you fucking... 462 00:27:25,603 --> 00:27:27,063 Fuck! 463 00:27:27,105 --> 00:27:28,189 FELICIA: Don't worry about a fucking thing. 464 00:27:28,231 --> 00:27:30,567 It's only my fucking head. 465 00:27:30,608 --> 00:27:32,694 BERNADETTE: At least the bump on your head's bigger than your prick. 466 00:27:32,736 --> 00:27:35,155 Why don't you just get fucked, you stupid old bitch? 467 00:27:35,196 --> 00:27:37,198 Oh, piss off, you little faggot. 468 00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:38,867 You're so bloody boring... 469 00:27:38,908 --> 00:27:40,744 If your mouth was as big as your dick... 470 00:28:01,222 --> 00:28:03,224 Good morning. Morning. 471 00:28:05,435 --> 00:28:07,103 MITZI: It's funny, you know. 472 00:28:08,646 --> 00:28:11,107 No matter how tough I think I'm getting, 473 00:28:14,069 --> 00:28:15,570 it still hurts. 474 00:28:19,324 --> 00:28:20,867 Hope it still works. 475 00:28:20,909 --> 00:28:23,036 Don't have much call for it out here. 476 00:28:23,078 --> 00:28:25,789 Where you blokes from? Uranus. 477 00:28:25,830 --> 00:28:27,082 Oh, good. 478 00:28:31,002 --> 00:28:32,921 * Fish got to swim 479 00:28:32,962 --> 00:28:35,382 * Birds got to fly 480 00:28:35,423 --> 00:28:37,967 * I got to love one man till I die 481 00:28:38,009 --> 00:28:39,803 There. Left. 482 00:28:39,844 --> 00:28:41,304 I hope you know what you're doing. 483 00:28:42,347 --> 00:28:44,057 If we stick to the sealed road, 484 00:28:44,099 --> 00:28:45,684 we'll be at it for at least another two days. 485 00:28:50,021 --> 00:28:51,815 Take the shortcut. 486 00:28:51,856 --> 00:28:53,483 * Tell me I'm crazy 487 00:28:53,525 --> 00:28:55,944 * Maybe I know 488 00:28:55,985 --> 00:29:00,115 * Can't help lovin' dat man of mine * 489 00:29:00,865 --> 00:29:04,119 (OPERA MUSIC PLAYING) 490 00:29:05,704 --> 00:29:08,498 (LIP-SYNCHING) 491 00:29:46,369 --> 00:29:48,872 One more push, I'm gonna smack his face so hard, 492 00:29:48,913 --> 00:29:50,123 he'll have to stick his toothbrush 493 00:29:50,165 --> 00:29:52,083 up his ass to clean his teeth. 494 00:29:55,670 --> 00:29:57,213 MITZI: Just lay off. 495 00:29:57,255 --> 00:29:59,632 I told you not to use the "R" word. 496 00:29:59,674 --> 00:30:01,176 What did you go and do? 497 00:30:01,217 --> 00:30:02,802 I was only having a bit of fun. 498 00:30:02,844 --> 00:30:04,387 Fun? What else do you do for amusement, 499 00:30:04,429 --> 00:30:06,222 slam your fingers in car doors? 500 00:30:06,264 --> 00:30:08,058 What's the point? 501 00:30:08,099 --> 00:30:10,852 I like seeing people get hotheaded, okay? It gives me a kick. 502 00:30:10,894 --> 00:30:12,228 Is it true when you were born, 503 00:30:12,270 --> 00:30:14,564 the doctor turned around and slapped your mother? 504 00:30:16,358 --> 00:30:19,110 What sort of bent childhood did you have, Adam Whitely? 505 00:30:19,694 --> 00:30:22,447 MAN: Adam? Adam? 506 00:30:25,784 --> 00:30:27,118 Come in here, boy. 507 00:30:28,953 --> 00:30:30,622 Come sit over here. 508 00:30:33,792 --> 00:30:35,418 Would you like to have some fun with Uncle Barry? 509 00:30:37,462 --> 00:30:40,215 We're gonna play a special game, 510 00:30:40,256 --> 00:30:46,388 but you can't tell anybody ever, ever, ever, okay? 511 00:30:46,429 --> 00:30:50,016 Now, what I want you to do is put your hand down here 512 00:30:50,058 --> 00:30:52,102 and pull very gently, okay? 513 00:30:53,895 --> 00:30:55,480 Very gently. 514 00:30:59,067 --> 00:31:01,277 That's good. That's good. 515 00:31:02,904 --> 00:31:05,031 (EXCLAIMING) 516 00:31:05,073 --> 00:31:07,075 Jesus Christ, Adam! Get help! 517 00:31:08,576 --> 00:31:12,080 Adam, Uncle Barry's ping-pongs are caught in the drain. 518 00:31:12,122 --> 00:31:13,790 Get mummy. Get mummy. 519 00:31:13,832 --> 00:31:15,208 No! 520 00:31:15,250 --> 00:31:17,293 What do you mean, no? 521 00:31:17,335 --> 00:31:19,462 Never, ever, ever, ever! 522 00:31:19,504 --> 00:31:21,631 (BOTH LAUGHING) 523 00:31:22,507 --> 00:31:24,467 You know the best part? 524 00:31:24,509 --> 00:31:26,469 The best part, Mum was out playing golf, 525 00:31:26,511 --> 00:31:30,890 and the dirty old fuck was stuck there for about seven hours. 526 00:31:30,932 --> 00:31:32,308 Oh, and I thought they were small and wrinkled 527 00:31:32,350 --> 00:31:34,185 before they got in the water. 528 00:31:44,362 --> 00:31:46,656 Hey, I've got a joke. Who wants to hear a joke? 529 00:31:49,367 --> 00:31:50,994 Come on, Bernice, it's so funny. 530 00:31:51,036 --> 00:31:53,997 You'll laugh so hard, your lashes will curl all by themselves. 531 00:31:54,039 --> 00:31:56,332 Do tell us your hilarious joke. 532 00:31:56,374 --> 00:31:58,126 Okay. 533 00:31:58,168 --> 00:32:01,421 Well, once upon a time, many moons ago, 534 00:32:01,463 --> 00:32:05,175 there was a famous bunch of Indians called the Fukawi tribe. 535 00:32:05,216 --> 00:32:07,510 And one day, the son of the great Indian chief 536 00:32:07,552 --> 00:32:09,512 says to his father, 537 00:32:09,554 --> 00:32:13,016 "Dad, why is my friend, Little Hawk, called Little Hawk?" 538 00:32:13,058 --> 00:32:15,018 And his father says... 539 00:32:15,060 --> 00:32:16,519 "Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?" 540 00:32:17,812 --> 00:32:20,106 That's not the end of the joke. 541 00:32:20,148 --> 00:32:21,691 So, anyway, back to me. 542 00:32:21,733 --> 00:32:23,360 (RATTLING) 543 00:32:24,402 --> 00:32:26,237 Jesus! What's happening? 544 00:32:26,988 --> 00:32:28,365 Um, I don't know. 545 00:32:43,588 --> 00:32:44,714 BERNADETTE: Oh, my God. 546 00:33:03,942 --> 00:33:07,529 Oh, Felicia, where the fuck are we? 547 00:33:13,910 --> 00:33:16,746 (BIRD CAWING) 548 00:33:17,956 --> 00:33:20,709 FELICIA: Shit! Shit! Shit! 549 00:33:36,808 --> 00:33:38,226 Oh, shit. 550 00:33:43,314 --> 00:33:45,900 Well, I've had a look around, 551 00:33:45,942 --> 00:33:48,361 and I think we can safely assume that I now know less about motors 552 00:33:48,403 --> 00:33:52,282 than I did when I first lifted up that, that bonnety thing. 553 00:33:52,741 --> 00:33:55,618 Now what? 554 00:33:55,660 --> 00:33:58,204 Let's just not think about it for the moment and eat brekkie, shall we? 555 00:33:58,246 --> 00:34:00,373 Oh, that's a novel idea. 556 00:34:00,415 --> 00:34:02,542 Let's stuff ourselves to death. 557 00:34:02,584 --> 00:34:04,377 Imagine the headlines. 558 00:34:04,419 --> 00:34:07,464 "Whales beach themselves in the Outback. 559 00:34:07,505 --> 00:34:10,759 "Mystery bumsticks dead in drag." 560 00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:12,469 Well, there's no point in walking back. 561 00:34:12,510 --> 00:34:13,970 The only life I saw for the last million miles 562 00:34:14,012 --> 00:34:15,638 were the hypnotized bunnies. 563 00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:17,766 Most of them are now wedged in the tires. 564 00:34:17,807 --> 00:34:21,436 Well, somebody'll drive past for sure. We'll keep the fire burning. 565 00:34:21,478 --> 00:34:24,814 Yes, and toast marshmallows and chill champagne for when they arrive. 566 00:34:24,856 --> 00:34:26,941 What if they don't drive past? 567 00:34:26,983 --> 00:34:30,153 Look, you're not helping here. Just eat your hormones. 568 00:34:30,195 --> 00:34:32,739 Hell! Why didn't we stick to the main road? 569 00:34:32,781 --> 00:34:34,157 What difference does it make now? 570 00:34:34,199 --> 00:34:36,826 You got us into this, Anthony Belrose, 571 00:34:36,868 --> 00:34:39,662 and I suggest you start thinking about how to get us back, 572 00:34:39,704 --> 00:34:42,499 or I don't fancy your chances of ever trying to be a husband again. 573 00:34:47,045 --> 00:34:49,839 Jesus. What are we gonna do? 574 00:34:49,881 --> 00:34:52,342 We're gonna start off with a little facelift. 575 00:34:52,384 --> 00:34:54,552 Nothing like a new frock to brighten up your day. 576 00:34:58,556 --> 00:35:00,183 Purple? 577 00:35:00,225 --> 00:35:02,811 It's not purple, it's lavender. 578 00:35:03,478 --> 00:35:04,854 What do you think? 579 00:35:04,896 --> 00:35:08,149 It's nice in a hideous sort of a way. 580 00:35:09,651 --> 00:35:11,361 Where are you going? 581 00:35:11,403 --> 00:35:12,862 If you think I'm going to sit around 582 00:35:12,904 --> 00:35:16,032 watching Picasso take on the public transport system, 583 00:35:16,074 --> 00:35:18,284 you've got another thing coming. 584 00:35:18,326 --> 00:35:21,621 I'll be back with the cavalry in a couple of hours. 585 00:35:21,663 --> 00:35:25,375 There goes a transsexual, last seen heading south. 586 00:35:25,417 --> 00:35:27,335 We call her Bernie, but her real name was... 587 00:35:27,377 --> 00:35:28,586 Adam. 588 00:36:18,720 --> 00:36:22,265 (BERNADETTE COOING) 589 00:36:33,318 --> 00:36:35,070 (MITZI SINGING) * I was petrified 590 00:36:35,111 --> 00:36:37,614 * Kept thinking I could never live 591 00:36:37,655 --> 00:36:39,616 * Without you by my side 592 00:36:39,657 --> 00:36:41,618 * But then I spent so many nights 593 00:36:41,659 --> 00:36:43,787 * Thinking how you did me wrong 594 00:36:43,828 --> 00:36:45,872 * I grew strong * 595 00:36:45,914 --> 00:36:48,291 (HUMMING) 596 00:37:38,383 --> 00:37:40,635 (SCREAMING) 597 00:37:47,892 --> 00:37:52,063 (MITZI HUMMING I WILL SURVIVE) 598 00:38:24,596 --> 00:38:26,681 Help! Help! 599 00:38:28,725 --> 00:38:30,560 What's that, Pa? What? 600 00:38:30,602 --> 00:38:33,688 Out there, you nong. Looks like a woman. 601 00:38:33,730 --> 00:38:36,232 Help! 602 00:38:39,027 --> 00:38:40,403 Thank God. 603 00:38:46,951 --> 00:38:49,037 Thank you. 604 00:38:49,079 --> 00:38:51,414 I can't tell you how grateful I am. 605 00:38:52,957 --> 00:38:54,250 (SINGING) * ...space 606 00:38:54,292 --> 00:38:56,211 * I just walked in to find you here 607 00:38:56,252 --> 00:38:57,754 * With that sad look upon your face 608 00:38:57,796 --> 00:38:59,297 * I should have... * 609 00:39:09,724 --> 00:39:11,226 You fucking beauty! 610 00:39:20,735 --> 00:39:22,529 Shit! 611 00:39:22,570 --> 00:39:25,115 (SCREAMS) Bernie, I never thought I'd be so glad to see you! 612 00:39:25,156 --> 00:39:27,951 I wish I could say the same. 613 00:39:27,992 --> 00:39:29,869 I was just drawing up the will. 614 00:39:29,911 --> 00:39:31,746 Come and meet our saviors. 615 00:39:33,665 --> 00:39:36,543 Tony, Adam, this is Mr. and Mrs. Spencer. 616 00:39:36,584 --> 00:39:37,585 Hello. Hello. 617 00:39:39,671 --> 00:39:41,673 Wait! Stop! 618 00:39:45,468 --> 00:39:47,012 Shit! 619 00:39:49,681 --> 00:39:52,976 For goodness sakes, look at yourself, Mitz. 620 00:39:53,018 --> 00:39:55,770 How many times do I have to tell you green is not your color? 621 00:39:55,812 --> 00:39:57,522 (LAUGHING) 622 00:40:01,943 --> 00:40:03,278 MITZI: Do you think about Trumpet much? 623 00:40:04,279 --> 00:40:05,697 No. 624 00:40:07,532 --> 00:40:10,201 Trumpet was just a nice kid who had a thing about transsexuals. 625 00:40:11,202 --> 00:40:13,121 Lots of people do. 626 00:40:13,163 --> 00:40:16,249 Sort of bent status symbol, you know? 627 00:40:16,291 --> 00:40:17,917 "Did you know my girlfriend used to be a boyfriend?" 628 00:40:17,959 --> 00:40:19,294 That sort of thing. 629 00:40:19,336 --> 00:40:22,005 Always good for a supper invite. 630 00:40:22,047 --> 00:40:24,507 Still, it was better than nothing. 631 00:40:27,218 --> 00:40:30,180 Nothing. Nothing for miles. 632 00:40:30,221 --> 00:40:32,390 (FERNANDOPLAYING ON STEREO) 633 00:40:34,559 --> 00:40:36,227 (SINGING) * Can you hear the drums, Fernando? * 634 00:40:38,021 --> 00:40:40,190 I've said it before, and I'll say it again. 635 00:40:40,231 --> 00:40:42,859 No more fucking ABBA! 636 00:40:42,901 --> 00:40:46,321 Okay, if we have the time, we may as well put it to good use. 637 00:40:46,363 --> 00:40:48,782 Come on, girls. Off your snatches. 638 00:40:48,823 --> 00:40:50,033 Rehearsal time. 639 00:40:50,075 --> 00:40:51,701 (HUMMING I WILL SURVIVE) 640 00:40:51,743 --> 00:40:54,371 * So you're back from outer space 641 00:40:54,412 --> 00:40:56,539 Okay, two bobs to start with, all right? 642 00:40:56,581 --> 00:40:58,458 Boring. 643 00:40:58,500 --> 00:40:59,542 MITZI: Ready? 644 00:40:59,584 --> 00:41:02,587 (MITZI HUMMING) 645 00:41:05,173 --> 00:41:06,800 * This look upon your face * 646 00:41:06,841 --> 00:41:08,968 Oh, I did this years ago. 647 00:41:09,010 --> 00:41:12,305 You did it so beautifully, and, darling, you do it so well. 648 00:41:12,347 --> 00:41:14,599 Come on. Right, from the top. 649 00:41:15,725 --> 00:41:17,352 One, two. 650 00:41:17,394 --> 00:41:20,897 * Go on, now go, walk out the door 651 00:41:20,939 --> 00:41:23,191 * Just turn around now 652 00:41:23,233 --> 00:41:26,027 * 'Cause you're not welcome anymore 653 00:41:26,069 --> 00:41:28,988 * Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye? * 654 00:41:29,030 --> 00:41:31,282 (ALL EXCLAIMING) 655 00:41:33,785 --> 00:41:35,370 Hello. 656 00:41:36,204 --> 00:41:38,164 Nice night for it. 657 00:41:38,206 --> 00:41:40,125 (GUITAR PLAYING) 658 00:41:42,544 --> 00:41:46,089 (MAN SINGING) * I feel all right, I feel all right 659 00:41:46,131 --> 00:41:50,427 * Yes, I feel all right 660 00:41:50,468 --> 00:41:55,098 * Well, I feel all right with you right by my side * 661 00:42:17,996 --> 00:42:19,789 I think we just crashed a party. 662 00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:23,293 No, come on. You'll be all right. 663 00:42:26,504 --> 00:42:29,591 (PEOPLE CHATTERING) 664 00:42:36,514 --> 00:42:39,184 Welcome to my office. Have a seat. 665 00:42:51,029 --> 00:42:53,281 Bernice, I don't know what could've possibly possessed you 666 00:42:53,323 --> 00:42:54,783 to wear that to a corroboree. 667 00:42:54,824 --> 00:42:56,451 Shut your face. 668 00:43:12,550 --> 00:43:14,010 Bravo! 669 00:43:14,052 --> 00:43:15,637 Fabulous! 670 00:43:20,892 --> 00:43:23,395 Well, girls, I guess it's our turn. 671 00:43:25,355 --> 00:43:27,732 (I WILL SURVIVEPLAYING) 672 00:43:31,820 --> 00:43:35,198 (LIP-SYNCHING) * First I was afraid I was petrified 673 00:43:35,240 --> 00:43:36,866 * Kept thinking I could never live 674 00:43:36,908 --> 00:43:39,160 * Without you by my side 675 00:43:39,202 --> 00:43:41,204 * But I spent so many nights 676 00:43:41,246 --> 00:43:43,540 * Thinking how you did me wrong 677 00:43:43,581 --> 00:43:45,333 * I grew strong 678 00:43:45,375 --> 00:43:47,377 * I learned how to get along 679 00:43:47,419 --> 00:43:49,295 * And so you're back 680 00:43:49,337 --> 00:43:51,464 * From outer space 681 00:43:51,506 --> 00:43:53,383 * I just walked in to find you here 682 00:43:53,425 --> 00:43:55,552 * With that sad look upon your face 683 00:43:55,593 --> 00:43:57,679 * I should have changed that stupid lock 684 00:43:57,721 --> 00:44:00,056 * I should have made you leave your key 685 00:44:00,098 --> 00:44:01,891 * If I had known for just one second 686 00:44:01,933 --> 00:44:04,144 * You'd be back to bother me 687 00:44:04,185 --> 00:44:07,814 * Go on, now go, walk out the door 688 00:44:07,856 --> 00:44:10,191 * Just turn around now 689 00:44:10,233 --> 00:44:13,361 * 'Cause you're not welcome anymore 690 00:44:13,403 --> 00:44:16,531 * Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye? 691 00:44:16,573 --> 00:44:18,491 * You think I'd crumble 692 00:44:18,533 --> 00:44:20,160 * You think I'd lay down and die 693 00:44:20,201 --> 00:44:22,203 * Oh, no, not I 694 00:44:22,245 --> 00:44:24,581 * I will survive 695 00:44:24,622 --> 00:44:27,042 * As long as I know how to love 696 00:44:27,083 --> 00:44:29,044 * I know I'll stay alive 697 00:44:29,085 --> 00:44:31,046 * I've got all my life to live 698 00:44:31,087 --> 00:44:32,922 * I've got all my love to give 699 00:44:32,964 --> 00:44:34,674 * And I'll survive 700 00:44:34,716 --> 00:44:36,676 * I will survive 701 00:44:36,718 --> 00:44:39,054 * Hey, hey 702 00:44:41,806 --> 00:44:43,141 (PLAYING ALONG WITH SONG) 703 00:44:45,268 --> 00:44:46,811 Hey, take a look at that. 704 00:44:49,898 --> 00:44:53,943 Ooh. I've got an idea. 705 00:44:53,985 --> 00:44:55,779 * It took all the strength I had 706 00:44:55,820 --> 00:44:57,906 * Not to fall apart 707 00:44:57,947 --> 00:45:01,701 * Kept trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart 708 00:45:01,743 --> 00:45:03,787 * And I spent, oh, so many nights 709 00:45:03,828 --> 00:45:06,039 * Just feeling sorry for myself 710 00:45:06,081 --> 00:45:07,916 * I used to cry 711 00:45:07,957 --> 00:45:10,043 * But now I hold my head up high 712 00:45:10,085 --> 00:45:12,128 * And you see me 713 00:45:12,170 --> 00:45:14,297 (PEOPLE CHANTING IN BACKGROUND) * Somebody new 714 00:45:14,339 --> 00:45:16,091 * I'm not that chained up little person 715 00:45:16,132 --> 00:45:18,134 * Still in love with you 716 00:45:18,176 --> 00:45:20,470 * And so you felt like dropping in 717 00:45:20,512 --> 00:45:22,806 * And just expect me to be free 718 00:45:22,847 --> 00:45:24,432 * Now I'm saving all my loving 719 00:45:24,474 --> 00:45:26,643 * For someone who's loving me 720 00:45:26,685 --> 00:45:30,313 * Go on, now go, walk out the door 721 00:45:30,355 --> 00:45:33,149 * Just turn around now 722 00:45:33,191 --> 00:45:35,527 * 'Cause you're not welcome anymore * 723 00:45:40,532 --> 00:45:43,827 ALAN: So you actually make money by dressing up like a woman? 724 00:45:43,868 --> 00:45:47,205 Oh, sure. You can make a fine living in a pair of heels. 725 00:45:48,164 --> 00:45:49,624 Why, Alan, you want a job? 726 00:46:00,552 --> 00:46:04,764 Oh, if only this dress could talk. 727 00:46:04,806 --> 00:46:06,850 You know, sometimes I wonder where I get my taste from. 728 00:46:06,891 --> 00:46:08,768 Definitely not my mother. 729 00:46:08,810 --> 00:46:11,312 Oh, well, serves me right for letting her buy me all those awful clothes. 730 00:46:14,065 --> 00:46:15,567 What's this? 731 00:46:17,527 --> 00:46:19,446 That, my darling, is my most treasured possession 732 00:46:19,487 --> 00:46:20,405 in the whole, wide world. 733 00:46:21,489 --> 00:46:22,574 But what is it? 734 00:46:23,700 --> 00:46:25,201 Well, a few years ago, 735 00:46:25,243 --> 00:46:27,620 I went on a pilgrimage backstage to an ABBA concert 736 00:46:27,662 --> 00:46:30,790 hoping to grab an audience with Her Royal Highness Agnetha. 737 00:46:30,832 --> 00:46:33,209 Well, when I saw her ducking into the ladies loo, 738 00:46:33,251 --> 00:46:35,628 naturally I followed her in. 739 00:46:35,670 --> 00:46:38,840 And after she'd finished her business, I ducked into the cubicle, 740 00:46:38,882 --> 00:46:41,593 only to find she'd left me a little gift sitting in the toilet bowl. 741 00:46:42,886 --> 00:46:44,888 What are you telling me? 742 00:46:44,929 --> 00:46:46,598 This is an ABBA turd? 743 00:46:51,061 --> 00:46:53,229 I know what we can do with this. 744 00:46:54,105 --> 00:46:55,565 Are you right? 745 00:46:56,441 --> 00:46:58,026 Hang on. 746 00:46:58,068 --> 00:46:59,444 Okay, go! 747 00:47:01,863 --> 00:47:03,782 (WHOOPING) 748 00:47:22,050 --> 00:47:23,343 There! 749 00:47:23,385 --> 00:47:25,136 (WHOOPING) 750 00:47:53,665 --> 00:47:56,292 Afternoon. What seems to be the problem? 751 00:47:57,460 --> 00:47:59,170 (DOG BARKING) 752 00:48:02,340 --> 00:48:05,593 What a nice dog. What's its name? 753 00:48:05,635 --> 00:48:07,095 Herpes. 754 00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:10,640 If she's good, she'll heel. 755 00:48:13,852 --> 00:48:15,645 Things get pretty quiet around here. 756 00:48:15,687 --> 00:48:17,605 We're a bit starved for entertainment. 757 00:48:17,647 --> 00:48:20,191 Glad we could oblige. How does it look? 758 00:48:22,652 --> 00:48:25,488 Your gas tank's chockablock full of crud. 759 00:48:25,530 --> 00:48:27,449 Traveling on a rough road on a low tank 760 00:48:27,490 --> 00:48:29,826 chucked it all up into the motor. 761 00:48:29,868 --> 00:48:32,328 Your fuel line's blocked, injectors are stuffed. 762 00:48:32,370 --> 00:48:33,997 So does that mean you can fix it? 763 00:48:34,039 --> 00:48:36,332 In the short term. 764 00:48:36,374 --> 00:48:38,793 What you blokes need is a new gas tank. 765 00:48:40,045 --> 00:48:42,339 Don't suppose you have one lying around? 766 00:48:42,380 --> 00:48:43,840 No, sorry. 767 00:48:43,882 --> 00:48:46,009 You could pick one up in Coober Pedy in about a week. 768 00:48:46,051 --> 00:48:46,718 When do you have to be in Alice? 769 00:48:47,677 --> 00:48:49,220 Six days. 770 00:48:50,555 --> 00:48:52,682 Well, we can clear it out and hope for the best. 771 00:48:53,641 --> 00:48:56,186 You might make it. 772 00:48:56,227 --> 00:48:57,312 Won't know unless you give it a try. 773 00:48:58,063 --> 00:49:00,523 CYNTHIA: Refreshments! 774 00:49:00,565 --> 00:49:03,318 Lemonade, here I make. 775 00:49:03,360 --> 00:49:05,862 That's very nice, darling. Please, go back inside. 776 00:49:05,904 --> 00:49:08,865 Lemonade, here I make. Lemonade for guests. 777 00:49:08,907 --> 00:49:10,033 No, darling, please. 778 00:49:10,075 --> 00:49:11,868 (SPEAKING TAGALOG) 779 00:49:11,910 --> 00:49:13,578 I made chocolate cracker. 780 00:49:17,540 --> 00:49:18,750 Thank you. 781 00:49:20,001 --> 00:49:21,044 We put cream on? 782 00:49:21,086 --> 00:49:22,837 No, no. 783 00:49:22,879 --> 00:49:24,255 It's a face cream. For face. 784 00:49:26,091 --> 00:49:29,260 Bob, Cynthia, thank you. 785 00:49:30,345 --> 00:49:32,555 I love lamb with meringue. 786 00:49:32,597 --> 00:49:34,474 BOB: Thank you for the company. 787 00:49:34,516 --> 00:49:38,061 Like I said earlier, new faces are pretty hard to come by out here. 788 00:49:38,103 --> 00:49:40,230 If you don't mind me asking, what are you doing off the highway? 789 00:49:40,271 --> 00:49:41,439 Well, now, that's a bloody good question. 790 00:49:42,941 --> 00:49:44,401 Glad you bothered. 791 00:49:44,442 --> 00:49:46,611 Don't get your type out here very often. 792 00:49:48,196 --> 00:49:50,156 Me like to sing, too. Me like... 793 00:49:50,198 --> 00:49:52,534 Yeah, pretty damn quiet. 794 00:49:52,575 --> 00:49:54,703 Thought of opening a video business for a while. 795 00:49:54,744 --> 00:49:57,038 But I suppose we gotta wait to get television first. 796 00:49:57,080 --> 00:49:59,582 Me perform for you. Me dance, too. 797 00:49:59,624 --> 00:50:02,711 My wife used to be in the entertainment business. 798 00:50:02,752 --> 00:50:05,255 Yeah. You perform here? 799 00:50:05,296 --> 00:50:07,507 You're thinking of performing here? 800 00:50:07,549 --> 00:50:10,176 I mean, you've got to be here at least another night. 801 00:50:10,218 --> 00:50:13,680 Um, the thought hadn't really crossed my mind. 802 00:50:13,722 --> 00:50:15,932 Well, why not? I could have a word with Wally at the pub. 803 00:50:15,974 --> 00:50:17,767 Everybody would love it. 804 00:50:17,809 --> 00:50:21,479 Uh, I'm not sure our show would go down too well out here. 805 00:50:24,065 --> 00:50:26,526 If you don't mind me asking, what kind of cabaret do you do? 806 00:50:26,568 --> 00:50:28,945 We dress up in women's clothes and parade around 807 00:50:28,987 --> 00:50:32,365 mouthing the words to other people's songs. 808 00:50:32,407 --> 00:50:35,035 You mean sort of like those, um... What do they call them... 809 00:50:35,076 --> 00:50:37,537 Les Girls. 810 00:50:37,579 --> 00:50:40,081 Oh, yeah, I've seen them, way back in Sydney when I was a young bloke. 811 00:50:40,123 --> 00:50:42,208 Fantastic. Just terrific. 812 00:50:42,250 --> 00:50:46,463 Bob, you are looking at probably the most famous Les Girl 813 00:50:46,504 --> 00:50:48,131 ever produced. 814 00:50:48,173 --> 00:50:50,967 BOB: You're kidding me. Give me a break. 815 00:50:51,009 --> 00:50:54,304 I was never that famous. I am not joking. 816 00:50:54,346 --> 00:50:57,140 What? I mean, I wouldn't really have seen you, but... 817 00:50:57,182 --> 00:50:58,808 That must've been 30 years back. 818 00:50:58,850 --> 00:51:00,643 You'd be surprised. 819 00:51:00,685 --> 00:51:02,645 Me perform for you. Me sing. 820 00:51:02,687 --> 00:51:04,147 No, Cynthia, you no perform. 821 00:51:04,189 --> 00:51:05,982 They perform, not you. 822 00:51:06,024 --> 00:51:08,318 (SCOLDING IN TAGALOG) 823 00:51:12,447 --> 00:51:15,325 Well, a real, live Les Girls show. Right. 824 00:51:15,367 --> 00:51:17,535 This calls for a celebration. 825 00:51:18,536 --> 00:51:21,831 (PEOPLE CHATTERING) 826 00:51:21,873 --> 00:51:23,625 Maybe this isn't such a good idea. 827 00:51:23,667 --> 00:51:25,418 Oh, shut your twat. 828 00:51:25,460 --> 00:51:28,004 Our frocks were the sensation of Broken Hill, remember? 829 00:51:28,046 --> 00:51:29,839 There was a Kmart in Broken Hill. 830 00:51:29,881 --> 00:51:32,300 At least they knew what a frock was. 831 00:51:32,342 --> 00:51:34,511 Christ, you should see what this woman's wearing. 832 00:51:34,552 --> 00:51:36,721 It's not a frock, it's a piece of corrugated iron. 833 00:51:39,641 --> 00:51:41,685 (KNOCKING) 834 00:51:41,726 --> 00:51:44,646 Can I come in? FELICIA: Only if you're single. 835 00:51:50,235 --> 00:51:52,404 Oh, you look incredible. 836 00:51:53,905 --> 00:51:55,365 Where did we find this guy? 837 00:51:55,407 --> 00:51:57,117 You just keep dishing out the compliments, Bob. 838 00:51:57,158 --> 00:51:58,493 Flattery will get you everywhere. 839 00:51:58,535 --> 00:52:00,704 And where's that lovely wife of yours? 840 00:52:00,745 --> 00:52:02,205 She's at home. 841 00:52:02,247 --> 00:52:04,541 She's, uh, not allowed in the pub anymore. 842 00:52:04,582 --> 00:52:06,084 Really? Why? 843 00:52:07,252 --> 00:52:08,878 She had a problem with alcohol. 844 00:52:08,920 --> 00:52:10,213 Every time she gets in the pub, 845 00:52:10,255 --> 00:52:11,715 she makes a complete fool of herself. 846 00:52:11,756 --> 00:52:13,591 I know how she feels. 847 00:52:15,885 --> 00:52:18,054 Well, we're all waiting. You ready? 848 00:52:19,097 --> 00:52:22,434 Bob, we're having second thoughts. 849 00:52:24,102 --> 00:52:25,729 You can't back out now. 850 00:52:25,770 --> 00:52:27,355 Every man and his dog's out there. 851 00:52:27,397 --> 00:52:29,357 They're not chained up, by any chance? 852 00:52:29,399 --> 00:52:32,527 You blokes. Sorry. You girls. 853 00:52:32,569 --> 00:52:34,237 Look, you'll be fine. Take my word for it. 854 00:52:36,614 --> 00:52:39,075 (SPEAKING TAGALOG) 855 00:52:42,037 --> 00:52:44,247 (PEOPLE CHEERING) 856 00:52:51,921 --> 00:52:53,214 (SCREAMING) 857 00:53:11,316 --> 00:53:14,944 * There's nothing more that I'd like to do 858 00:53:14,986 --> 00:53:17,781 * Than take the floor and dance with you 859 00:53:17,822 --> 00:53:20,867 * Keep dancin' 860 00:53:20,909 --> 00:53:24,162 * Let's keep dancin' 861 00:53:30,669 --> 00:53:32,587 (LIP-SYNCHING) * Shake it, shake it 862 00:53:37,676 --> 00:53:40,470 * Shake it, shake it 863 00:53:40,512 --> 00:53:42,972 * Shake your groove thing, shake your groove thing 864 00:53:43,014 --> 00:53:45,141 * Yeah, yeah 865 00:53:45,183 --> 00:53:47,102 * Show 'em how we do it now 866 00:53:47,143 --> 00:53:49,354 * Show 'em how we do it now * 867 00:53:50,271 --> 00:53:51,815 Yeah! 868 00:53:54,150 --> 00:53:55,527 MAN: Yeah, right. 869 00:53:57,028 --> 00:53:58,655 (CYNTHIA WHOOPING) 870 00:53:58,697 --> 00:54:01,366 (ALL CHEERING) 871 00:54:06,788 --> 00:54:08,623 (JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) 872 00:54:40,363 --> 00:54:42,323 What the hell is going on? 873 00:55:07,724 --> 00:55:09,517 Oh, she's not... 874 00:55:09,559 --> 00:55:10,769 Is she? 875 00:55:13,104 --> 00:55:15,273 Oh, you can't do that with a ping-pong ball. 876 00:55:17,901 --> 00:55:19,444 You wanna bet? 877 00:55:29,871 --> 00:55:31,706 (GASPING) 878 00:55:49,599 --> 00:55:51,393 (SCREAMING) 879 00:56:01,444 --> 00:56:03,279 I'm going! Darling, don't go. 880 00:56:03,321 --> 00:56:05,031 There's nothing we can't work out. 881 00:56:05,073 --> 00:56:07,617 You no good man. Don't be silly. 882 00:56:07,659 --> 00:56:09,035 You want good wife? 883 00:56:09,077 --> 00:56:10,870 You be good husband. 884 00:56:10,912 --> 00:56:11,830 Darling, don't go. 885 00:56:13,248 --> 00:56:14,958 I no like you anyway. 886 00:56:15,000 --> 00:56:16,584 You got little ding-a-ling. 887 00:56:32,017 --> 00:56:34,019 Some days you just shouldn't get out of bed. 888 00:56:35,020 --> 00:56:36,980 In my opinion, you should wait here 889 00:56:37,022 --> 00:56:39,733 until I get back from Coober Pedy with a new gas tank. 890 00:56:39,774 --> 00:56:43,319 Then again, you listened to my last opinion. 891 00:56:43,361 --> 00:56:46,948 Forget it, Bob. It's time we made a move. 892 00:56:46,990 --> 00:56:49,492 I'm just a gifted amateur round here. 893 00:56:49,534 --> 00:56:51,494 There's no way a nice frock and a catchy tune 894 00:56:51,536 --> 00:56:53,455 can compete with three ping-pong balls, 895 00:56:53,496 --> 00:56:55,165 two cigarettes, and a pint of beer. 896 00:56:55,206 --> 00:56:56,624 If we break down, we break down. 897 00:56:56,666 --> 00:56:58,668 I'll play it safe and stick to the main drag. 898 00:56:58,710 --> 00:57:01,421 Pardon the pun. Well, good-bye, Bob. 899 00:57:01,463 --> 00:57:03,840 Thanks for a very educational stay. 900 00:57:03,882 --> 00:57:06,176 Yes, I'd do anything to be able to open a bottle like that. 901 00:57:07,052 --> 00:57:08,928 Bernadette, 902 00:57:08,970 --> 00:57:11,514 it's certainly been an honor meeting a member of Les Girls. 903 00:57:11,556 --> 00:57:14,809 And may I say it's been an honor to meet a gentleman. 904 00:57:14,851 --> 00:57:18,396 Believe me, Bob, these days gentlemen are an endangered species. 905 00:57:21,900 --> 00:57:25,695 Unlike bloody drag queens, who just keep breeding like rabbits. 906 00:57:25,737 --> 00:57:27,405 (LAUGHING) 907 00:57:31,910 --> 00:57:33,119 (ENGINE SPUTTERING) 908 00:57:33,161 --> 00:57:34,829 FELICIA: Oh, fuck it! 909 00:57:36,748 --> 00:57:39,751 Bob, fancy a free ride to Coober Pedy? 910 00:57:46,216 --> 00:57:49,010 FELICIA: Now listen, Bob, let's get one thing straight. 911 00:57:49,052 --> 00:57:50,387 We may wear the frocks around here, 912 00:57:50,428 --> 00:57:52,889 but that doesn't mean that you wear the pants. 913 00:57:52,931 --> 00:57:55,183 Right. Where will I sleep? 914 00:57:55,225 --> 00:57:57,560 Oh, anywhere that takes your fancy. 915 00:57:57,602 --> 00:57:59,354 The roof will do me fine. 916 00:58:00,605 --> 00:58:02,232 Thank you, Bob. 917 00:58:02,273 --> 00:58:03,900 I don't know what to say. 918 00:58:03,942 --> 00:58:05,652 That's all right. 919 00:58:05,694 --> 00:58:08,363 Might as well get there a few days earlier. Bit of R&R. 920 00:58:09,614 --> 00:58:11,241 God knows I need it. 921 00:58:14,119 --> 00:58:16,579 (OPERA MUSIC PLAYING) 922 00:58:35,306 --> 00:58:37,267 Can I ask you a personal question? 923 00:58:37,308 --> 00:58:38,727 I mean, if you don't mind. 924 00:58:38,768 --> 00:58:39,769 BERNADETTE: Sure. 925 00:58:41,146 --> 00:58:44,733 Why? Why do you, you know... 926 00:58:47,152 --> 00:58:50,363 You mean, the $64,000 question? 927 00:58:50,405 --> 00:58:53,867 That's a girl. Now, don't tear the wrapping paper. 928 00:58:53,908 --> 00:58:57,954 Just slide the ribbon off, and we can see what Santa's brought you. 929 00:58:57,996 --> 00:59:02,542 Here it comes now. What is it? 930 00:59:02,584 --> 00:59:04,794 Oh, it's a... It's a... 931 00:59:06,838 --> 00:59:08,423 Cement mixer. 932 00:59:11,343 --> 00:59:14,596 Have you been changing the cards around again, Ralph? 933 00:59:19,100 --> 00:59:21,644 So, I guess I had no choice in the matter. 934 00:59:21,686 --> 00:59:23,146 FELICIA: Oh, for fuck's sake! 935 00:59:23,188 --> 00:59:25,148 Watch where you're driving, you stupid bitch! 936 00:59:25,190 --> 00:59:26,649 What are you trying to do? Fucking kill me or something? 937 00:59:26,691 --> 00:59:28,318 My fault. 938 00:59:28,360 --> 00:59:31,196 I'm sorry, Bob. I thought it was Bernadette. 939 00:59:34,032 --> 00:59:37,994 One, two, three. 940 00:59:38,036 --> 00:59:40,163 MITZI: Now, you're getting it. 941 00:59:40,205 --> 00:59:42,165 Who taught you to waltz? My wife. 942 00:59:42,207 --> 00:59:44,000 Oh, how sweet. 943 00:59:44,042 --> 00:59:46,336 You and the missus, down at Arthur Murray's every Tuesday night, 944 00:59:46,378 --> 00:59:48,505 practicing your little hearts out. 945 00:59:48,546 --> 00:59:50,340 Makes me wanna sick up. She's a better dancer than you... 946 00:59:50,382 --> 00:59:51,925 Married? 947 00:59:51,966 --> 00:59:54,177 Yes, married. 948 00:59:54,219 --> 00:59:57,597 We've only recently discovered young Anthony here bats for both teams. 949 00:59:57,639 --> 00:59:59,182 I do not. 950 00:59:59,224 --> 01:00:00,850 Oh, so we're straight. 951 01:00:00,892 --> 01:00:02,519 No. Oh, we're not? 952 01:00:02,560 --> 01:00:04,187 So, we're a donut puncher after all? 953 01:00:04,229 --> 01:00:05,855 No. Then what the hell are we? 954 01:00:05,897 --> 01:00:07,565 I don't fucking know! 955 01:00:10,568 --> 01:00:11,403 What the fuck's that? 956 01:00:17,075 --> 01:00:18,493 Good evening. 957 01:00:19,703 --> 01:00:21,538 Nice night for it. 958 01:00:22,914 --> 01:00:24,416 Oh, okay. Good night then. 959 01:00:25,917 --> 01:00:27,377 BERNADETTE: What a rude woman. 960 01:00:28,169 --> 01:00:32,424 (WIND WHISTLING) 961 01:00:37,929 --> 01:00:41,474 And that's the power steering pump, that's the radiator fan. 962 01:00:41,516 --> 01:00:44,519 How interesting. Simple. 963 01:00:44,561 --> 01:00:47,022 BOB: That's the rubber band that ties the whole thing together. 964 01:00:47,063 --> 01:00:48,565 (EXCLAIMING) 965 01:00:51,109 --> 01:00:53,528 Hey, who wants first bath? 966 01:00:53,570 --> 01:00:54,779 (WHOOPING) 967 01:01:08,960 --> 01:01:10,420 I won! 968 01:01:10,462 --> 01:01:11,755 (CHIRPING) 969 01:01:21,264 --> 01:01:23,308 Can I help you, ma'am? 970 01:01:33,068 --> 01:01:34,486 Okay, turn her over. 971 01:01:39,741 --> 01:01:42,077 (RATTLING) 972 01:01:53,338 --> 01:01:56,257 (LIP-SYNCHING) * I don't care if the sun don't shine 973 01:01:56,299 --> 01:01:58,968 * I get my loving in the evening time 974 01:01:59,010 --> 01:02:04,432 * When I'm with my baby 975 01:02:04,474 --> 01:02:07,310 * It's no fun with the sun around 976 01:02:07,352 --> 01:02:09,771 * But I get going when the sun goes down 977 01:02:09,813 --> 01:02:13,817 * And I meet my baby 978 01:02:15,151 --> 01:02:17,987 * That's when we kiss and kiss and kiss 979 01:02:18,029 --> 01:02:20,490 * And then we kiss some more 980 01:02:20,532 --> 01:02:23,284 * Don't ask how many times we kissed 981 01:02:23,326 --> 01:02:26,287 * At a time like this, who keeps score? 982 01:02:26,329 --> 01:02:29,082 * So, I don't care if the sun don't shine 983 01:02:29,124 --> 01:02:31,751 * I'll get my loving in the evening time 984 01:02:31,793 --> 01:02:35,797 * When I'm with my baby * 985 01:02:40,802 --> 01:02:42,387 (GIGGLING) 986 01:02:57,360 --> 01:02:59,195 BOB: That's it over there. 987 01:02:59,237 --> 01:03:01,322 It's an okay room with a shower. 988 01:03:01,364 --> 01:03:02,532 FELICIA: I'm first! MITZI: I'm first! 989 01:03:02,574 --> 01:03:04,367 Is hot water all you can ever think about? 990 01:03:04,409 --> 01:03:06,536 No. A shower, a comfortable bed, 991 01:03:06,578 --> 01:03:08,246 and a nice meal will do me fine. 992 01:03:08,288 --> 01:03:10,206 You think I'm gonna crawl into the sack and watch television, 993 01:03:10,248 --> 01:03:11,332 you got another thing coming. 994 01:03:11,374 --> 01:03:13,877 Now, look, you blokes watch your back. 995 01:03:13,918 --> 01:03:15,712 This is a pretty tough little town. 996 01:03:15,754 --> 01:03:18,340 They get up in the morning, they go down a hole, they blow things up, 997 01:03:18,381 --> 01:03:21,134 and they come up again. That about sums things up. Oh, fabulous! 998 01:03:21,176 --> 01:03:22,969 You're welcome to hang out with us, Bob, 999 01:03:23,011 --> 01:03:24,346 if you've got nothing better to do. 1000 01:03:24,387 --> 01:03:26,890 Yeah, I'm meeting some of the boys 1001 01:03:26,931 --> 01:03:28,558 at the old drive-in for a booze-up, 1002 01:03:28,600 --> 01:03:31,019 like the old days. I wanna go with Bob. 1003 01:03:31,061 --> 01:03:32,687 I wanna go to the boys club! I wanna go with Bob! 1004 01:03:32,729 --> 01:03:34,731 You come and have supper with us, Adam Whitely, 1005 01:03:34,773 --> 01:03:36,733 or you'll stay in your room by yourself and watch TV. 1006 01:04:04,636 --> 01:04:06,471 He's a good man, our Bob. 1007 01:04:07,305 --> 01:04:08,306 Yeah. 1008 01:04:09,891 --> 01:04:11,434 Not my type, though. 1009 01:04:11,476 --> 01:04:14,854 Oh, don't come the raw prawn with me. 1010 01:04:14,896 --> 01:04:17,941 I can spot the fluttering of a beaded lash from 300 paces. 1011 01:04:17,982 --> 01:04:20,318 Oh, get out. He's far too old. 1012 01:04:22,612 --> 01:04:24,239 Mind you, so am I. 1013 01:04:26,324 --> 01:04:27,617 Did you catch that mail-order bride? 1014 01:04:30,412 --> 01:04:32,288 Why'd he marry? I'm dying to ask. 1015 01:04:34,249 --> 01:04:37,210 Whoops. Sorry. That's all right. 1016 01:04:37,252 --> 01:04:39,546 Don't worry about it. 1017 01:04:39,587 --> 01:04:42,298 You're the world's best husband. 1018 01:04:42,340 --> 01:04:45,010 Given the chance, a perfectly good father, too. 1019 01:04:46,845 --> 01:04:48,304 Do you really think so? 1020 01:04:48,346 --> 01:04:50,682 Why? Thinking about children? 1021 01:04:52,183 --> 01:04:54,352 Yes, as a matter of fact. 1022 01:05:11,036 --> 01:05:14,706 Um, do you have The Texas Chainsaw Mascara? 1023 01:05:18,668 --> 01:05:20,295 You ever wanted kids? 1024 01:05:20,337 --> 01:05:23,506 Sure. But I've learned not to think about it. 1025 01:05:27,719 --> 01:05:30,847 Do you think an old queen's capable of raising a child? 1026 01:05:30,889 --> 01:05:34,351 Well, Elizabeth did a pretty good job. 1027 01:05:34,392 --> 01:05:36,061 Prince Charles is a wonderful boy. 1028 01:05:37,187 --> 01:05:39,314 Edward's still a bit of a worry. 1029 01:05:41,649 --> 01:05:44,944 What happens if they turn out like Adam? 1030 01:05:44,986 --> 01:05:47,364 You stuff them back in and ask for a refund. 1031 01:05:50,867 --> 01:05:52,744 Stupid little shit. 1032 01:05:53,995 --> 01:05:56,039 I dread to think what he's up to. 1033 01:05:56,081 --> 01:05:58,583 (PEOPLE CHATTERING) 1034 01:06:04,005 --> 01:06:05,423 (BOTH LAUGHING) 1035 01:06:24,693 --> 01:06:28,238 Hello. I'm new in town. 1036 01:06:29,072 --> 01:06:30,740 No kidding. 1037 01:06:31,783 --> 01:06:34,994 Could I have a Bloody Mary, please? 1038 01:06:35,036 --> 01:06:37,414 MAN: It's a beer or nothing, sweetheart. 1039 01:06:39,749 --> 01:06:41,793 Well, I better have a beer then. 1040 01:06:42,794 --> 01:06:44,129 Cheers. 1041 01:06:48,800 --> 01:06:50,635 What are you all looking at? 1042 01:06:53,471 --> 01:06:54,639 Um, sorry. 1043 01:06:56,307 --> 01:06:58,518 We didn't mean to stare. 1044 01:06:58,560 --> 01:07:01,563 We don't usually get women down here. Oh. 1045 01:07:03,606 --> 01:07:07,485 So what do women do around here besides watching videos? 1046 01:07:10,071 --> 01:07:12,741 Well, well, well. Look who we have here. 1047 01:07:15,076 --> 01:07:16,161 You know that bloke, do you? 1048 01:07:21,332 --> 01:07:22,584 No. 1049 01:07:24,336 --> 01:07:27,589 So, who's gonna show me the sights? 1050 01:07:30,008 --> 01:07:32,677 Be my pleasure. Oh. 1051 01:07:36,431 --> 01:07:37,682 So how about it? 1052 01:07:41,436 --> 01:07:43,521 Well, I suppose a fuck's now out of the question. 1053 01:07:49,110 --> 01:07:50,445 MAN: Get her, Frank! 1054 01:07:53,823 --> 01:07:57,452 FELICIA: Come on, boys. Who wants to see my map of Tasmania? 1055 01:07:58,953 --> 01:08:00,830 So I never got a chance to tell my parents 1056 01:08:00,872 --> 01:08:03,166 what a wonderful childhood I'd had. 1057 01:08:05,794 --> 01:08:09,214 They never spoke to me again after I'd had the chop. 1058 01:08:15,053 --> 01:08:17,681 I think I have something to tell you. 1059 01:08:17,722 --> 01:08:19,849 (FELICIA GIGGLING) 1060 01:08:19,891 --> 01:08:21,142 Oh, shit. 1061 01:08:35,573 --> 01:08:38,034 Okay, fellows. Let's not forget how to treat a lady. 1062 01:08:38,076 --> 01:08:39,577 You fucking freak! 1063 01:08:43,998 --> 01:08:45,542 Hold him down. 1064 01:08:45,583 --> 01:08:46,710 Spread his legs. 1065 01:08:46,751 --> 01:08:48,253 No, please. 1066 01:08:50,588 --> 01:08:52,966 Frank, stop! 1067 01:08:53,008 --> 01:08:56,052 Stop! What the fuck do you think you're doing? 1068 01:08:56,094 --> 01:08:58,013 You mean you do know this cocksucker? 1069 01:08:58,054 --> 01:08:59,597 Get off him, you mongrel. 1070 01:09:00,223 --> 01:09:02,392 He was joking, okay? 1071 01:09:02,434 --> 01:09:04,060 Now you leave the little bugger alone. 1072 01:09:04,102 --> 01:09:05,854 Get out of here, Bob. 1073 01:09:05,895 --> 01:09:07,731 Cut it out, Frank. 1074 01:09:07,772 --> 01:09:10,150 Put the faggot down and get the fuck out of there, Bob, 1075 01:09:10,191 --> 01:09:11,693 or you'll be next. Frank. 1076 01:09:11,735 --> 01:09:13,236 Get out of there! 1077 01:09:13,278 --> 01:09:17,240 Stop flexing your muscles, you big pile of budgie turd. 1078 01:09:17,282 --> 01:09:19,367 I'm sure your mates will be much more impressed 1079 01:09:19,409 --> 01:09:21,327 if you just go back to the pub 1080 01:09:21,369 --> 01:09:23,538 and fuck a couple of pigs on the bar. 1081 01:09:23,580 --> 01:09:25,415 Bernadette, please. 1082 01:09:25,457 --> 01:09:26,750 Bernadette? 1083 01:09:27,584 --> 01:09:28,918 Well, I'll be darned. 1084 01:09:28,960 --> 01:09:31,421 The whole circus is in town. 1085 01:09:31,463 --> 01:09:34,007 I suppose you wanna fuck, too, do you? 1086 01:09:34,049 --> 01:09:36,259 Come on, Bernadette. Come and fuck me. 1087 01:09:36,301 --> 01:09:37,802 That's it. 1088 01:09:39,471 --> 01:09:42,807 Come on. Come and fuck me. Come on. 1089 01:09:44,809 --> 01:09:45,727 Fuck me. 1090 01:09:52,067 --> 01:09:55,695 There. Now you're fucked. 1091 01:09:55,737 --> 01:09:58,907 MITZI: You stupid, bloody idiot. Drugs, for Christ's sake! 1092 01:09:58,948 --> 01:10:00,867 Well, three cheers for you! 1093 01:10:00,909 --> 01:10:02,452 I hope you're bloody well happy now. 1094 01:10:03,953 --> 01:10:05,663 Stupid, bloody fuckwit. 1095 01:10:06,623 --> 01:10:08,333 (SOBBING) 1096 01:10:09,834 --> 01:10:11,461 It's funny. 1097 01:10:12,337 --> 01:10:14,381 We all sit around mindlessly 1098 01:10:14,422 --> 01:10:18,093 slagging off that vile stinkhole of a city. 1099 01:10:19,344 --> 01:10:22,263 But in some strange way, it takes care of us. 1100 01:10:23,682 --> 01:10:25,975 I don't know if that ugly wall of suburbia 1101 01:10:26,017 --> 01:10:31,147 has been put there to stop them getting in or us getting out. 1102 01:10:34,693 --> 01:10:36,319 Come on. 1103 01:10:37,779 --> 01:10:39,698 Don't let it drag you down. 1104 01:10:40,532 --> 01:10:42,367 Let it toughen you up. 1105 01:10:43,618 --> 01:10:45,704 I can only fight because I've learned to. 1106 01:10:47,622 --> 01:10:49,332 Being a man one day and a woman the next 1107 01:10:49,374 --> 01:10:51,376 is not an easy thing to do. 1108 01:10:54,671 --> 01:10:57,048 Sorry. Can't help you. No worries, mate. 1109 01:11:01,219 --> 01:11:03,805 Well, are we bunny-hopping all the way to Alice? 1110 01:11:03,847 --> 01:11:06,850 No good. He says the man to help us is a fair way out of town. 1111 01:11:06,891 --> 01:11:08,852 Like how fair? 1112 01:11:08,893 --> 01:11:10,687 Couple of hundred klicks fair. 1113 01:11:10,729 --> 01:11:13,023 No matter. Got nothing else to do today. 1114 01:11:13,064 --> 01:11:14,983 Let's get out of here. 1115 01:11:15,025 --> 01:11:16,484 Come on, Adam, we're not here. 1116 01:11:22,866 --> 01:11:26,661 * A fine romance 1117 01:11:26,703 --> 01:11:30,623 * With no kisses 1118 01:11:30,665 --> 01:11:34,669 * A fine romance 1119 01:11:34,711 --> 01:11:38,381 * My friend, this is 1120 01:11:38,423 --> 01:11:43,261 * We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes * 1121 01:11:46,097 --> 01:11:48,266 Some things are said in the heat of the moment. 1122 01:11:52,562 --> 01:11:54,230 I'm sorry I got angry with you last night, 1123 01:11:55,774 --> 01:11:58,234 although I daresay you deserved it. 1124 01:11:58,276 --> 01:12:00,612 Anyway, that's enough of that. 1125 01:12:02,530 --> 01:12:05,909 This is quite an experience, sitting here with you now. 1126 01:12:05,950 --> 01:12:10,580 I quite safely say that I think your taste in clothing 1127 01:12:10,622 --> 01:12:14,209 is absolutely terrible, because you can't say a word, can you? 1128 01:12:15,752 --> 01:12:17,420 Oh, this is great fun! 1129 01:12:22,217 --> 01:12:25,178 We're going to have a problem finding this guy with the tank, aren't we? 1130 01:12:25,220 --> 01:12:27,764 Why do you say that? Because he's not out here. 1131 01:12:27,806 --> 01:12:30,225 He's out here. He's in Alice. 1132 01:12:31,601 --> 01:12:34,354 Well, I can't go back to Coober Pedy for a while. 1133 01:12:34,396 --> 01:12:36,815 Not the most popular bloke in the world back there anymore. 1134 01:12:39,484 --> 01:12:40,777 (GASPING) 1135 01:12:50,078 --> 01:12:51,663 Hello. 1136 01:12:52,080 --> 01:12:54,249 Hello. 1137 01:12:54,290 --> 01:12:57,335 Who are you? I your wife. 1138 01:13:00,171 --> 01:13:01,798 Guess I'll be going home then. 1139 01:13:01,840 --> 01:13:04,134 No, you no going. I coming, too. 1140 01:13:04,175 --> 01:13:06,094 I your wife, see? 1141 01:13:06,136 --> 01:13:07,804 I your wife! 1142 01:13:07,846 --> 01:13:09,472 Silly girl. 1143 01:13:11,141 --> 01:13:12,308 Should have done her homework better. 1144 01:13:12,350 --> 01:13:13,810 (LAUGHING) 1145 01:13:13,852 --> 01:13:16,271 She thought I was from Sydney. 1146 01:13:16,312 --> 01:13:18,982 Why in God's name did you bring her home? 1147 01:13:19,024 --> 01:13:20,984 She was me wife. 1148 01:13:21,026 --> 01:13:22,736 Couldn't you sell her off? 1149 01:13:22,777 --> 01:13:26,114 BERNADETTE: Oh, the party's over, everyone. It talks. 1150 01:13:26,156 --> 01:13:29,325 Can't keep a good bitch down. 1151 01:13:29,367 --> 01:13:31,953 What time do you reckon we'll be in Alice Springs? 1152 01:13:31,995 --> 01:13:33,997 Late tomorrow arvo. 1153 01:13:34,039 --> 01:13:36,124 How long do you think you'll be staying? 1154 01:13:36,166 --> 01:13:38,710 I don't know. Couple of days, maybe. 1155 01:13:40,003 --> 01:13:41,838 Hey, big day for you tomorrow, eh? 1156 01:13:41,880 --> 01:13:43,757 We all get to meet the missus. 1157 01:13:43,798 --> 01:13:48,345 I saw that smile, Felicia. One word, one derogatory word, 1158 01:13:48,386 --> 01:13:50,388 and I'm gonna take you back to your mate in Coober Pedy. 1159 01:13:52,724 --> 01:13:54,601 Look, please, everyone. Tomorrow's gonna be a little tough. 1160 01:13:54,642 --> 01:13:56,519 Please don't make it any harder than it has to be. 1161 01:13:56,561 --> 01:13:58,146 We're only teasing. 1162 01:13:58,188 --> 01:14:01,024 We won't open our mouths until you give the word. 1163 01:14:01,066 --> 01:14:02,233 Then it's open season. 1164 01:14:16,915 --> 01:14:19,501 Oh, well, time for bed. 1165 01:14:19,542 --> 01:14:21,294 I've got to look good for the wife in the morning. 1166 01:14:21,336 --> 01:14:22,712 Come along, Adam. Time for your beauty sleep. 1167 01:14:22,754 --> 01:14:23,880 (GROANS) 1168 01:14:23,922 --> 01:14:25,423 Come on. 1169 01:14:26,383 --> 01:14:29,386 Will you two be, uh, joining us? 1170 01:14:29,427 --> 01:14:31,971 Um, I just thought I'd have one for the road. 1171 01:14:32,013 --> 01:14:33,723 How about you, Bob? 1172 01:14:33,765 --> 01:14:35,517 Sounds good to me. 1173 01:14:35,558 --> 01:14:37,894 All right, then. See you in the morning. 1174 01:14:37,936 --> 01:14:39,396 Good night. 1175 01:14:42,065 --> 01:14:43,900 Another piece of cake, Bob? 1176 01:14:43,942 --> 01:14:45,527 No. 1177 01:14:45,568 --> 01:14:46,444 Oh. 1178 01:14:50,740 --> 01:14:54,244 So, tell me about you. 1179 01:14:56,079 --> 01:15:00,083 (BOTH LAUGHING) BOB: Can't complain. Life's a lot simpler now. 1180 01:15:00,125 --> 01:15:02,877 I spent 30 years wandering around the world 1181 01:15:02,919 --> 01:15:06,381 only to find that I was better off where I started. 1182 01:15:08,049 --> 01:15:09,384 Not much, but it's my turf. 1183 01:15:09,926 --> 01:15:11,136 (GRUNTING) Shit! 1184 01:15:26,401 --> 01:15:27,444 Adam. 1185 01:15:29,487 --> 01:15:30,739 Adam. 1186 01:15:31,614 --> 01:15:32,949 What? 1187 01:15:32,991 --> 01:15:34,576 Guess who didn't come home last night. 1188 01:15:42,167 --> 01:15:45,128 I've waited all my life for this. 1189 01:15:45,170 --> 01:15:48,340 Bernice has left her cake out in the rain. 1190 01:15:50,008 --> 01:15:52,677 (BOTH LAUGHING) 1191 01:15:54,346 --> 01:15:56,598 (BOTH SINGING HAVA NAGILA) 1192 01:16:09,361 --> 01:16:12,197 (HAVA NAGILAPLAYING) 1193 01:16:30,840 --> 01:16:32,926 My fucking back's killing me. 1194 01:16:32,967 --> 01:16:34,469 I need a crap. 1195 01:16:34,511 --> 01:16:35,679 Look, do you want me to go in? 1196 01:16:35,720 --> 01:16:37,347 No, no, I'll go. 1197 01:16:39,516 --> 01:16:41,685 Uh, excuse me, sir. You can't park your bus here. 1198 01:16:41,726 --> 01:16:43,812 Are you planning on staying at the hotel? 1199 01:16:43,853 --> 01:16:47,482 Sorry. Could you direct me to Marion Barber, please? 1200 01:16:47,524 --> 01:16:50,276 We're the cabaret act from Sydney. Oh, right. Right, yeah. 1201 01:16:50,318 --> 01:16:52,028 Just go through to Reception, and they'll take you right through. 1202 01:16:52,070 --> 01:16:53,530 Thanks. No worries. 1203 01:16:53,571 --> 01:16:55,073 It's all right, Lenny, it's the drag queens. 1204 01:16:58,410 --> 01:17:01,204 Come on, Bob. Let's go try on your new frock. 1205 01:17:01,830 --> 01:17:03,248 G'day. 1206 01:17:05,583 --> 01:17:07,335 Just over there by the back bar. 1207 01:17:07,377 --> 01:17:08,712 Thanks. 1208 01:17:14,426 --> 01:17:17,220 MARION: No, those three kegs didn't arrive. 1209 01:17:17,262 --> 01:17:20,056 I need them today, not tomorrow, but today. 1210 01:17:20,098 --> 01:17:22,183 You're a doll. What an asshole. 1211 01:17:25,520 --> 01:17:27,188 (SCREAMING) 1212 01:17:27,230 --> 01:17:30,525 My God! Husband, husband! It's so good to see you. 1213 01:17:30,567 --> 01:17:32,485 Hiya, wife. 1214 01:17:32,527 --> 01:17:34,154 You're a day late. I was just gathering the search party. 1215 01:17:34,195 --> 01:17:36,072 Where are the others? Oh, they're outside. 1216 01:17:36,114 --> 01:17:39,200 You've lost weight, you rotten old queer. It's about fucking time. 1217 01:17:39,242 --> 01:17:41,202 I can finally get into that old one-piece of yours. 1218 01:17:41,244 --> 01:17:42,662 You know, the one with the sunflowers. 1219 01:17:42,704 --> 01:17:44,914 You still got that? What the hell do you do with it? 1220 01:17:44,956 --> 01:17:47,584 The Poseidon Adventureroutine, you know. Shelley Winters. 1221 01:17:47,625 --> 01:17:49,711 (SNORTING) 1222 01:17:50,420 --> 01:17:52,547 (BOTH LAUGHING) 1223 01:17:54,424 --> 01:17:55,550 Where is he? 1224 01:17:59,929 --> 01:18:02,432 WOMAN: I'm very, very angry with you. 1225 01:18:02,474 --> 01:18:06,603 There's one thing I'd like to do to you, a good spanking. 1226 01:18:06,644 --> 01:18:08,563 You forget it. 1227 01:18:08,605 --> 01:18:10,440 Spank, spank, spank. 1228 01:18:10,482 --> 01:18:12,734 I've got a good mind to put you over my knee. 1229 01:18:12,776 --> 01:18:14,694 I'll spank, spank you back. 1230 01:18:14,736 --> 01:18:16,404 Benj. 1231 01:18:17,906 --> 01:18:18,782 Do you remember Tick? 1232 01:18:27,082 --> 01:18:28,750 Hello, Tick. 1233 01:18:33,797 --> 01:18:35,298 Hello. 1234 01:18:37,842 --> 01:18:39,636 Where's the bloody bar? 1235 01:18:39,678 --> 01:18:42,180 (ALL CHATTERING) 1236 01:18:44,432 --> 01:18:45,183 Mr. Belrose? 1237 01:18:45,975 --> 01:18:47,185 Yes? 1238 01:18:48,186 --> 01:18:50,522 Congratulations. It's a boy. 1239 01:18:55,944 --> 01:18:58,154 Shit! BOB: You okay? 1240 01:18:58,196 --> 01:18:59,489 What's the matter? BERNADETTE: Help. 1241 01:18:59,531 --> 01:19:00,782 Oh, my God. 1242 01:19:00,824 --> 01:19:03,243 For Christ sake, Mitz, why didn't you tell us? 1243 01:19:03,284 --> 01:19:05,704 Why the hell did you have to shock me like that? 1244 01:19:07,539 --> 01:19:10,667 This lump on my head is getting bigger by the second. 1245 01:19:10,709 --> 01:19:13,503 I'm about to make my Northern Territories debut 1246 01:19:13,545 --> 01:19:16,006 looking like a fucking Warner Brothers cartoon character 1247 01:19:16,047 --> 01:19:17,799 has hit me over the head with an iron. 1248 01:19:17,841 --> 01:19:19,300 I think you look more like a Disney witch, myself. 1249 01:19:19,342 --> 01:19:21,011 Oh, shut your face, Felicia. 1250 01:19:21,052 --> 01:19:22,512 At least I don't look like 1251 01:19:22,554 --> 01:19:24,597 somebody's tried to open a can of beans with my face. 1252 01:19:24,639 --> 01:19:26,307 I'm sorry, girls. I couldn't stand the thought of you 1253 01:19:26,349 --> 01:19:27,851 bagging me on the bus for two weeks. 1254 01:19:27,892 --> 01:19:29,644 Anyway, what difference does it make now? 1255 01:19:29,686 --> 01:19:31,855 About two inches to my head, for one. 1256 01:19:31,896 --> 01:19:33,189 Did you get a good look at him? 1257 01:19:33,231 --> 01:19:34,691 He's got my profile, that's for sure. 1258 01:19:34,733 --> 01:19:36,234 I think I'm gonna be sick. 1259 01:19:36,276 --> 01:19:38,528 I hate to be practical here, but does he know who you are? 1260 01:19:38,570 --> 01:19:41,031 I mean, does he know what you do for a living? 1261 01:19:41,072 --> 01:19:44,367 He knows he has a father in the show business, cosmetics industry. 1262 01:19:44,409 --> 01:19:47,037 Oh, Lord. I don't understand. 1263 01:19:47,078 --> 01:19:48,955 No, you don't understand, so stop trying to. 1264 01:19:48,997 --> 01:19:50,707 It'll be fine. It better be. 1265 01:19:50,749 --> 01:19:53,668 Hello! Oh, stop wearing out that mirror. 1266 01:19:53,710 --> 01:19:56,629 Do you always knock before you enter? Always. Why? 1267 01:19:56,671 --> 01:19:59,007 You haven't got anything to hide in there, have you? 1268 01:19:59,049 --> 01:20:01,176 All right, girls, you're on in 10 minutes. 1269 01:20:01,217 --> 01:20:03,053 Sweetheart, you've been on ever since you were born. 1270 01:20:03,094 --> 01:20:04,346 Hope you're ready to slay them. 1271 01:20:04,387 --> 01:20:05,722 The word's out, we've got a big crowd. 1272 01:20:05,764 --> 01:20:07,015 Like how big? 1273 01:20:07,057 --> 01:20:08,058 MARION: A full house. 1274 01:20:09,351 --> 01:20:12,020 Where's Benj? Safe and sound, asleep in bed. 1275 01:20:12,062 --> 01:20:14,647 Don't you worry about a thing. Okay, my little powder puff? 1276 01:20:14,689 --> 01:20:16,024 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 1277 01:20:16,066 --> 01:20:18,526 BOB: Can I come in? Now there's a gentleman. 1278 01:20:18,568 --> 01:20:20,570 Of course you can, Bob. 1279 01:20:22,113 --> 01:20:23,656 My Aunt Minnie in here? 1280 01:20:23,698 --> 01:20:25,742 (GIGGLES) 1281 01:20:25,784 --> 01:20:28,244 Don't mean to barge in. Just wanted to wish you luck. 1282 01:20:28,286 --> 01:20:30,121 Thank you, Bob. Thanks. 1283 01:20:31,915 --> 01:20:33,750 To make up for what happened last time. 1284 01:20:33,792 --> 01:20:37,170 Thank you. That's so thoughtful. 1285 01:20:37,212 --> 01:20:39,047 All right, girls, let's get this show on the road. 1286 01:20:39,089 --> 01:20:40,924 You, out. That's a 10-minute curtain call. 1287 01:20:40,965 --> 01:20:42,425 Good luck. 1288 01:20:43,927 --> 01:20:46,179 (DOOR CLOSING) 1289 01:20:46,221 --> 01:20:47,847 That's quite a wife you've got there, Mitz. 1290 01:20:47,889 --> 01:20:49,432 What does she do in her spare time, 1291 01:20:49,474 --> 01:20:51,768 sand back the hulls of oil tankers with her tongue? 1292 01:20:51,810 --> 01:20:53,728 She sure is something. 1293 01:20:54,979 --> 01:20:57,232 Chookers, girls. Watch my jaw. 1294 01:20:57,273 --> 01:21:01,444 Be careful with my head. Aren't we fabulous? 1295 01:21:01,486 --> 01:21:04,614 ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, Lasseter's Casino of Alice Springs 1296 01:21:04,656 --> 01:21:08,535 presents Miss Mitzi Del Bra, Miss Felicia Jollygoodfellow, 1297 01:21:08,576 --> 01:21:10,954 and Miss Bernadette Bassenger, 1298 01:21:10,995 --> 01:21:12,580 the Sisters of the Simpson Desert. 1299 01:21:20,964 --> 01:21:22,632 (LIP-SYNCHING) * Meeting Mr. Right 1300 01:21:22,674 --> 01:21:24,801 * The man of my dreams 1301 01:21:24,843 --> 01:21:28,638 * The one and only true love or at least it seems 1302 01:21:28,680 --> 01:21:32,934 * With brown cocoa skin and curly black hair 1303 01:21:32,976 --> 01:21:34,728 * It's just the way he looks at me 1304 01:21:34,769 --> 01:21:36,771 * That gentle lovin' stare 1305 01:21:36,813 --> 01:21:40,900 * Finally you come along 1306 01:21:40,942 --> 01:21:45,071 * The way I feel about you it just can't be wrong 1307 01:21:45,113 --> 01:21:49,576 * If you only knew the way I feel about you 1308 01:21:49,617 --> 01:21:53,329 * I just can't describe him, oh, no, no 1309 01:21:53,371 --> 01:21:56,166 * Finally it has happened to me 1310 01:21:56,207 --> 01:21:58,293 * Right in front of my face 1311 01:21:58,335 --> 01:22:00,920 * My feelings can't describe it 1312 01:22:00,962 --> 01:22:03,923 * Finally it has happened to me 1313 01:22:03,965 --> 01:22:06,176 * Right in front of my face 1314 01:22:06,217 --> 01:22:09,095 * And I just cannot hide it 1315 01:22:09,137 --> 01:22:12,098 * Finally it has happened to me 1316 01:22:12,140 --> 01:22:14,351 * Right in front of my face 1317 01:22:14,392 --> 01:22:17,145 * My feelings can't describe it 1318 01:22:17,187 --> 01:22:20,190 * Finally it has happened to me 1319 01:22:20,231 --> 01:22:22,150 * Right in front of my face 1320 01:22:22,192 --> 01:22:25,028 * And I just cannot hide it 1321 01:22:25,070 --> 01:22:28,615 * It seemed so many times he seemed to be the one 1322 01:22:28,656 --> 01:22:32,660 * But all he ever wanted was to have a little fun 1323 01:22:32,702 --> 01:22:36,956 * But now you've come along and brightened up my world 1324 01:22:36,998 --> 01:22:40,794 * In my heart I feel it I'm that special kind of girl 1325 01:22:40,835 --> 01:22:44,839 * Finally, you come along 1326 01:22:44,881 --> 01:22:49,010 * The way I feel about you it just can't be wrong 1327 01:22:49,052 --> 01:22:53,390 * If you only knew the way I feel about you 1328 01:22:53,431 --> 01:22:57,352 * I just can't describe him, oh, no, no 1329 01:22:57,394 --> 01:23:00,063 * Finally it has happened to me 1330 01:23:00,105 --> 01:23:02,357 * Right in front of my face 1331 01:23:02,399 --> 01:23:05,026 * My feelings can't describe it 1332 01:23:05,068 --> 01:23:08,029 * Finally it has happened to me 1333 01:23:08,071 --> 01:23:10,156 * Right in front of my face 1334 01:23:10,198 --> 01:23:13,076 * And I just cannot hide it 1335 01:23:13,118 --> 01:23:16,162 * Finally it has happened to me 1336 01:23:16,204 --> 01:23:18,331 * Right in front of my face 1337 01:23:18,373 --> 01:23:21,084 * My feelings can't describe it 1338 01:23:21,126 --> 01:23:24,004 * Finally it has happened to me 1339 01:23:24,045 --> 01:23:26,172 * Right in front of my face 1340 01:23:26,214 --> 01:23:28,758 * And I just cannot hide it 1341 01:23:28,800 --> 01:23:30,552 * Finally 1342 01:23:31,553 --> 01:23:35,181 * Oh, finally 1343 01:23:35,223 --> 01:23:37,642 * Yeah, yeah 1344 01:24:13,845 --> 01:24:15,430 (HISSING) 1345 01:24:17,265 --> 01:24:20,060 * Finally it has happened to me 1346 01:24:20,101 --> 01:24:22,312 * Right in front of my face 1347 01:24:22,354 --> 01:24:25,231 * My feelings can't describe it 1348 01:24:25,273 --> 01:24:28,151 * Finally it has happened to me 1349 01:24:28,193 --> 01:24:30,111 * Right in front of my face 1350 01:24:30,153 --> 01:24:32,822 * And I just cannot hide it 1351 01:24:32,864 --> 01:24:34,491 * Finally 1352 01:24:34,532 --> 01:24:37,535 * Oh, yeah, yeah 1353 01:24:45,877 --> 01:24:47,420 * Finally 1354 01:24:47,462 --> 01:24:49,381 * Oh, yeah * 1355 01:24:52,550 --> 01:24:55,220 (AUDIENCE CLAPPING) 1356 01:25:08,733 --> 01:25:10,527 BOB: Bravo! Brilliant! 1357 01:25:10,568 --> 01:25:11,820 BENJI: Come on, everybody! 1358 01:25:11,861 --> 01:25:13,029 More! 1359 01:25:13,071 --> 01:25:14,739 More, more! 1360 01:25:15,907 --> 01:25:17,534 BENJI: More! 1361 01:25:17,575 --> 01:25:18,952 More! 1362 01:25:18,993 --> 01:25:20,829 We want more! 1363 01:25:20,870 --> 01:25:22,706 Yes! Magnificent! 1364 01:25:22,747 --> 01:25:24,874 Yeah! Bravo! 1365 01:25:24,916 --> 01:25:26,835 BENJI: More! We want more! 1366 01:25:26,876 --> 01:25:28,378 (ALL GASPING) 1367 01:25:30,046 --> 01:25:31,673 Come on, snap out of it. 1368 01:25:31,715 --> 01:25:33,633 Come on, mate. 1369 01:25:33,675 --> 01:25:34,759 You'll be fine. 1370 01:25:37,554 --> 01:25:38,722 Come on, love. 1371 01:25:39,597 --> 01:25:41,224 That's it, mate. 1372 01:25:42,392 --> 01:25:44,310 BOB: You scared us all for a minute. 1373 01:25:44,352 --> 01:25:47,063 FELICIA: Just had to have that extra little bit of attention, didn't you? 1374 01:25:47,105 --> 01:25:49,357 Nice one, lovey. Nice one. 1375 01:25:49,399 --> 01:25:53,236 Shit! What are you doing, Marion? You liar! 1376 01:25:53,278 --> 01:25:55,572 You told me he'd be in bed. Oh, shush! 1377 01:25:55,613 --> 01:25:58,241 Drink your daiquiri. I hate bloody daiquiri. 1378 01:25:58,283 --> 01:26:01,536 No, you don't. You love bloody daiquiris. 1379 01:26:01,578 --> 01:26:04,748 At least now I know why drag queens drink from such big glasses. 1380 01:26:04,789 --> 01:26:06,541 To make their hands look smaller! 1381 01:26:06,583 --> 01:26:08,501 Oh, ha-ha, Marion. 1382 01:26:08,543 --> 01:26:10,170 What am I going to say to the boy? 1383 01:26:10,211 --> 01:26:11,504 I've never been so embarrassed. 1384 01:26:11,546 --> 01:26:13,381 I think you're overreacting. Really? 1385 01:26:13,423 --> 01:26:15,342 Yes, you're just being a drama queen. 1386 01:26:15,383 --> 01:26:17,010 You're gonna have to drop all that shit 1387 01:26:17,052 --> 01:26:19,012 if you're gonna be a good father. 1388 01:26:19,054 --> 01:26:20,930 And don't pretend to be surprised. 1389 01:26:20,972 --> 01:26:23,099 I've kept my end of the bargain, now it's your turn. 1390 01:26:23,141 --> 01:26:24,684 Not forever, maybe just for a couple of months. 1391 01:26:24,726 --> 01:26:26,603 Why now? 1392 01:26:26,644 --> 01:26:29,230 Because I haven't had a holiday in eight years. 1393 01:26:29,272 --> 01:26:31,399 I need a rest, Tick. I need some space. 1394 01:26:33,443 --> 01:26:35,278 Reminds me of something I said not so long ago. 1395 01:26:35,320 --> 01:26:37,197 Well, I do. And besides, it's time 1396 01:26:37,238 --> 01:26:38,865 he knew who his father was anyway. 1397 01:26:38,907 --> 01:26:40,283 Yeah, and that's the problem. 1398 01:26:40,325 --> 01:26:42,285 I mean, I don't know what to tell him. 1399 01:26:42,327 --> 01:26:44,704 What do you assume I do, lie? 1400 01:26:44,746 --> 01:26:47,415 Assumption, my dear Mitz, is the mother of all fuck-ups. 1401 01:26:47,457 --> 01:26:49,626 Don't bitch to me. Bitch to him. Thanks for the... 1402 01:26:49,668 --> 01:26:51,586 You might be in for a pleasant surprise. ...free advice. 1403 01:27:00,095 --> 01:27:01,638 BERNADETTE: Who is it? 1404 01:27:01,680 --> 01:27:03,181 It's me, Bob. 1405 01:27:07,769 --> 01:27:09,938 Your flowers were being mangled. 1406 01:27:09,979 --> 01:27:11,523 Thought I'd rescue them for you. 1407 01:27:14,609 --> 01:27:17,362 Good idea. Thanks. 1408 01:27:27,038 --> 01:27:29,290 What's the matter? 1409 01:27:29,332 --> 01:27:30,625 Nothing. 1410 01:27:35,714 --> 01:27:37,382 Do you know what your father does for a living? 1411 01:27:38,049 --> 01:27:39,551 Yeah. 1412 01:27:43,388 --> 01:27:46,349 So I suppose you know he doesn't really like girls then. 1413 01:27:46,391 --> 01:27:48,393 Does he have a boyfriend at the moment? 1414 01:27:49,644 --> 01:27:51,146 No. 1415 01:27:51,187 --> 01:27:52,939 Neither does Mum. 1416 01:27:52,981 --> 01:27:55,483 She used to have a girlfriend, but she got over her. 1417 01:28:00,363 --> 01:28:03,074 Do you want to come play in my room? I've got Lego. 1418 01:28:04,409 --> 01:28:05,577 Sure. 1419 01:28:11,875 --> 01:28:13,710 Come on, butch, get a move on. 1420 01:28:13,752 --> 01:28:17,339 We can't brand the cattle all by ourselves. 1421 01:28:17,380 --> 01:28:18,840 Great show last night. You always end a number like that? 1422 01:28:18,882 --> 01:28:20,050 Always. 1423 01:28:20,091 --> 01:28:21,760 (MAN WHISTLING) 1424 01:28:23,887 --> 01:28:25,722 How'd you like to pick her up every night, Sundance? 1425 01:28:25,764 --> 01:28:27,390 Be a pleasure. 1426 01:28:27,432 --> 01:28:29,351 I think that might include taking the lady home every evening 1427 01:28:29,392 --> 01:28:32,520 and tucking her into bed, Jeff. What's the pay like, Marion? 1428 01:28:32,562 --> 01:28:34,981 That one's gonna get himself into trouble one day, 1429 01:28:35,023 --> 01:28:36,358 and if you play your cards right, 1430 01:28:36,399 --> 01:28:37,901 you might just be the lucky fellow. 1431 01:28:37,942 --> 01:28:39,152 BERNADETTE: Come on, all aboard. 1432 01:28:39,194 --> 01:28:42,530 * So take a letter, Maria 1433 01:28:42,572 --> 01:28:44,032 * Address it to my wife 1434 01:28:44,074 --> 01:28:45,909 Just watch it with the innuendos, Marion. 1435 01:28:45,950 --> 01:28:48,411 At least give me a clear shot at this. 1436 01:28:48,453 --> 01:28:51,539 You call dressing up like a Xanaduproduction number a clear shot? 1437 01:28:51,581 --> 01:28:52,916 Come on, Tick. 1438 01:28:52,957 --> 01:28:54,668 Who's kidding who around here? 1439 01:28:54,709 --> 01:28:57,087 He sure as shit isn't. 1440 01:28:57,128 --> 01:28:59,881 * Send a copy to my lawyer 1441 01:28:59,923 --> 01:29:02,842 * Gotta start a new life 1442 01:29:02,884 --> 01:29:06,012 * You've been many things, but most of all 1443 01:29:06,054 --> 01:29:09,057 * A good secretary to me * 1444 01:29:10,141 --> 01:29:11,768 MARION: Swimming, swimming. 1445 01:29:16,231 --> 01:29:18,692 Rock. Little Rock. 1446 01:29:18,733 --> 01:29:20,610 Oh, oh. Rock. Rock Hudson. 1447 01:29:20,652 --> 01:29:22,487 You silly old gay. 1448 01:29:23,571 --> 01:29:25,073 My turn, my turn! 1449 01:29:25,115 --> 01:29:28,118 Okay, smarty-pants, you give it a go. 1450 01:29:28,159 --> 01:29:30,620 Come on, then. It's a... 1451 01:29:30,662 --> 01:29:32,414 MARION: Person. FELICIA: A sexy woman. 1452 01:29:32,455 --> 01:29:34,165 BOB: Cat. Famous woman. 1453 01:29:36,459 --> 01:29:38,128 MARION: Baby. FELICIA: Rocking. 1454 01:29:38,169 --> 01:29:39,921 I know this one. 1455 01:29:39,963 --> 01:29:42,382 BOB: Race horse. Cat. Scary cat. 1456 01:29:42,424 --> 01:29:44,926 Scary moose. 1457 01:29:44,968 --> 01:29:46,469 Scary dog. BOB: I know, I know. 1458 01:29:46,511 --> 01:29:48,138 FELICIA: No? 1459 01:29:48,179 --> 01:29:50,181 BERNADETTE: Lindy Chamberlain. 1460 01:29:51,474 --> 01:29:53,977 That was appalling, Benji. Who taught you that? 1461 01:29:54,019 --> 01:29:56,104 Mum did. MARION: Lies, all lies. 1462 01:29:57,856 --> 01:29:59,357 Come on, Adam. 1463 01:30:00,650 --> 01:30:02,402 Up. (GROANING) 1464 01:30:02,444 --> 01:30:05,697 Time is against us, and we have things to do. 1465 01:30:08,950 --> 01:30:10,952 Come on, you butch thing, you. 1466 01:30:10,994 --> 01:30:12,996 No, count me out. 1467 01:30:13,038 --> 01:30:14,664 All for one. FELICIA: Come on, Tick. 1468 01:30:14,706 --> 01:30:16,207 No. 1469 01:30:20,128 --> 01:30:22,339 BERNADETTE: Come on, Adam, let's get frocked. 1470 01:30:28,678 --> 01:30:30,221 MITZI: So... 1471 01:30:31,473 --> 01:30:34,476 What's it like to finally have a father? 1472 01:30:34,893 --> 01:30:36,394 It's okay. 1473 01:30:41,733 --> 01:30:43,443 Sorry about last night. 1474 01:30:43,485 --> 01:30:46,029 I don't always, uh, dress up in women's clothes. 1475 01:30:46,071 --> 01:30:48,740 I mean, you know, don't get the wrong idea. 1476 01:30:50,575 --> 01:30:54,371 Um, I mean, I do a lot of different stuff, you know, 1477 01:30:54,412 --> 01:30:59,292 like, um, Elvis and Gary Glitter. 1478 01:30:59,334 --> 01:31:00,418 ABBA? 1479 01:31:04,547 --> 01:31:07,384 I'm not supposed to know about the ABBA show, 1480 01:31:07,425 --> 01:31:09,386 but I'd really like to see it. 1481 01:31:10,220 --> 01:31:12,097 Would you do ABBA for me? 1482 01:31:13,765 --> 01:31:14,766 Sure. 1483 01:31:21,064 --> 01:31:23,066 You know what I am, don't you? 1484 01:31:24,442 --> 01:31:26,069 Mum says you're the best in the business. 1485 01:31:28,738 --> 01:31:31,616 Well, your mother was always prone to exaggeration. 1486 01:31:35,453 --> 01:31:38,415 Will you have a boyfriend when we get back to Sydney? 1487 01:31:42,627 --> 01:31:44,129 Maybe. 1488 01:31:46,089 --> 01:31:47,549 That's good. 1489 01:31:59,811 --> 01:32:02,105 Come on. Where are we going? 1490 01:32:02,147 --> 01:32:04,107 We're gonna unleash the best in the business. 1491 01:32:12,490 --> 01:32:14,075 I had a dream. 1492 01:33:52,590 --> 01:33:55,719 Well, we did it. 1493 01:33:57,595 --> 01:33:59,681 It never ends, does it? 1494 01:33:59,723 --> 01:34:01,266 All that space. 1495 01:34:06,855 --> 01:34:08,273 So what now? 1496 01:34:09,566 --> 01:34:11,359 MITZI: I think I wanna go home. 1497 01:34:13,778 --> 01:34:15,363 Me, too. 1498 01:34:17,407 --> 01:34:22,245 Well, then, let's finish the shows and go home. 1499 01:34:37,135 --> 01:34:39,262 Hey, don't go without leaving me your number, sunshine. 1500 01:34:39,304 --> 01:34:41,097 Already taken care of, Jeff. 1501 01:34:41,139 --> 01:34:43,058 It's at the far end of the men's cubicle. 1502 01:34:43,099 --> 01:34:45,268 "For a good time, phone Felicia." 1503 01:34:45,310 --> 01:34:47,103 Hey, can we stop at McDonald's on the way back? 1504 01:34:47,145 --> 01:34:48,855 That's a good idea. 1505 01:34:48,897 --> 01:34:50,690 I've had just about enough of this shitty food. Fucking crawfish. 1506 01:34:50,732 --> 01:34:52,734 I don't know. Where the hell do you start? 1507 01:34:52,776 --> 01:34:55,028 Oh, stop it. Lay it on the line, husband. Don't conceal a thing. 1508 01:34:55,070 --> 01:34:56,404 That's the key. 1509 01:34:56,446 --> 01:34:57,697 And if he doesn't like it, stiff bikkies. 1510 01:34:57,739 --> 01:34:59,366 He can always buy his own ticket back. 1511 01:34:59,407 --> 01:35:01,576 What happens when word gets out that Mitzi's got a minor? 1512 01:35:01,618 --> 01:35:03,119 That's your problem, not his. 1513 01:35:03,161 --> 01:35:04,579 He knows when and where to listen. 1514 01:35:04,621 --> 01:35:06,289 Morals are a choice, and he'll decide his own 1515 01:35:06,331 --> 01:35:08,208 when he's good and bloody well ready. 1516 01:35:08,249 --> 01:35:10,460 Well, that's it. You're all packed. 1517 01:35:10,502 --> 01:35:12,045 Gotta be joking. 1518 01:35:12,087 --> 01:35:14,964 We haven't got Bernadette's shoes up on board yet. 1519 01:35:15,006 --> 01:35:17,217 I hate to say this. Wish I was going with you. 1520 01:35:17,258 --> 01:35:19,135 Your gas tank will be fine. 1521 01:35:19,177 --> 01:35:21,721 Your axle may be another matter. 1522 01:35:21,763 --> 01:35:23,598 I'm sure the road home will just be filled with bored mechanics 1523 01:35:23,640 --> 01:35:25,308 waiting for a bus full of drag queens 1524 01:35:25,350 --> 01:35:26,976 to spirit them away to a better life. 1525 01:35:27,018 --> 01:35:29,396 I wish. We're not even gonna spirit gum at this rate. 1526 01:35:29,437 --> 01:35:31,523 Where the hell's Bernadette? Here. 1527 01:35:33,692 --> 01:35:35,110 Come on, Cabanossi tits. 1528 01:35:35,151 --> 01:35:36,903 Where are your bags? 1529 01:35:36,945 --> 01:35:38,613 BERNADETTE: In my room. 1530 01:35:40,490 --> 01:35:44,452 I'm not going. I've decided to stay here for a while. 1531 01:35:44,494 --> 01:35:47,247 Oh, really? And you're choosing to tell us about this now? 1532 01:35:47,288 --> 01:35:49,499 Um, well, she told me a few weeks back. 1533 01:35:49,541 --> 01:35:51,167 Just when I was looking for somebody 1534 01:35:51,209 --> 01:35:53,336 to handle the guest entertainment while I'm away. 1535 01:35:53,378 --> 01:35:56,381 Oh, I get it. Who's been playing hide the sausage, then? 1536 01:35:58,800 --> 01:36:00,510 Oh, that's it. Let's get out of here before I throw up. 1537 01:36:00,552 --> 01:36:01,553 Come on, Benj. 1538 01:36:03,346 --> 01:36:05,265 Hope you can drive. Hey, not without a hug. 1539 01:36:05,306 --> 01:36:07,392 (BOTH EXCLAIMING) 1540 01:36:11,646 --> 01:36:13,064 You sure? 1541 01:36:14,149 --> 01:36:15,692 No, I'm not sure. 1542 01:36:18,069 --> 01:36:20,697 But I'll never know unless I give it a shot. 1543 01:36:35,920 --> 01:36:37,505 I'm as jealous as all hell. 1544 01:36:40,008 --> 01:36:43,261 Shit. Raccoon time again. 1545 01:36:46,931 --> 01:36:48,558 MARION: Bye. BENJI: Bye-bye. 1546 01:36:48,600 --> 01:36:50,894 Don't forget to write. FELICIA: See you. Wish I was staying. 1547 01:36:50,935 --> 01:36:53,480 Bye. Take care of her now. Bye-bye! 1548 01:36:53,521 --> 01:36:55,398 Bye, Mum! 1549 01:36:55,440 --> 01:36:56,775 FELICIA: Yeah. See you, Ralph! 1550 01:37:00,528 --> 01:37:03,782 (LIP-SYNCHING) * I've been cheated by you since I don't know when 1551 01:37:07,243 --> 01:37:11,122 * So I made up my mind, it must come to an end 1552 01:37:14,459 --> 01:37:18,088 * Look at me now, will I ever learn? 1553 01:37:18,129 --> 01:37:22,425 * I don't know how but I suddenly lose control 1554 01:37:23,468 --> 01:37:27,430 * There's a fire within my soul 1555 01:37:27,472 --> 01:37:31,184 * Just one look and I can hear a bell ring 1556 01:37:31,226 --> 01:37:35,897 * One more look and I forget everything, whoa, oh 1557 01:37:35,939 --> 01:37:39,275 * Mamma mia, here I go again 1558 01:37:39,317 --> 01:37:42,904 * My, my, how can I resist you? 1559 01:37:42,946 --> 01:37:46,366 * Mamma mia, does it show again? 1560 01:37:46,408 --> 01:37:49,869 * My, my, just how much I've missed you 1561 01:37:49,911 --> 01:37:53,456 * Yes, I've been brokenhearted 1562 01:37:53,498 --> 01:37:56,960 * Blue since the day we parted 1563 01:37:57,002 --> 01:38:00,296 * Why, why did I ever let you go? 1564 01:38:00,338 --> 01:38:03,633 * Mamma mia, now I really know 1565 01:38:03,675 --> 01:38:06,803 * My, my, I could never let you go 1566 01:38:06,845 --> 01:38:09,014 (ALL CHEERING) 1567 01:38:10,015 --> 01:38:11,683 (WHISTLING) 1568 01:38:14,352 --> 01:38:18,106 * I've been angry and sad about things that you do 1569 01:38:21,443 --> 01:38:24,446 * I can't count all the times that I've told you we're through 1570 01:38:28,366 --> 01:38:31,828 * And when you go, when you slam the door 1571 01:38:31,870 --> 01:38:36,207 * I think you know that you won't be away too long 1572 01:38:37,375 --> 01:38:41,296 * You know that I'm not that strong 1573 01:38:41,338 --> 01:38:44,674 * Just one look and I can hear a bell ring 1574 01:38:44,716 --> 01:38:49,471 * One more look and I forget everything, whoa, oh 1575 01:38:49,512 --> 01:38:53,099 * Mamma mia, here I go again 1576 01:38:53,141 --> 01:38:56,770 * My, my, how can I resist you? 1577 01:38:56,811 --> 01:39:00,106 (AUDIENCE SINGING ALONG) * Mamma mia, does it show again? 1578 01:39:00,148 --> 01:39:03,485 * My, my, just how much I've missed you 1579 01:39:03,526 --> 01:39:07,030 * Yes, I've been brokenhearted 1580 01:39:07,072 --> 01:39:10,367 * Blue since the day we parted 1581 01:39:10,408 --> 01:39:14,037 * Why, why did I ever let you go? 1582 01:39:14,079 --> 01:39:17,540 * Mamma mia, now I really know 1583 01:39:17,582 --> 01:39:20,669 * My, my, I could never let you go * 1584 01:39:24,089 --> 01:39:26,424 (ALL CHEERING) 1585 01:39:39,562 --> 01:39:41,064 No, that's enough. 1586 01:39:41,106 --> 01:39:43,525 Oh, my tits are falling down. 1587 01:39:43,566 --> 01:39:44,734 (EXPLOSIONS) 1588 01:39:44,776 --> 01:39:46,444 Jesus! 1589 01:39:47,112 --> 01:39:49,072 Thank you! Thank you! 1590 01:39:49,114 --> 01:39:50,699 It's good to be home! 1591 01:39:54,703 --> 01:39:57,747 (SAVE THE BEST FOR LASTPLAYING) 1592 01:40:09,759 --> 01:40:14,597 (LIP-SYNCHING) * Sometimes the snow comes down in June 1593 01:40:14,639 --> 01:40:19,519 * Sometimes the sun goes round the moon 1594 01:40:19,561 --> 01:40:24,524 * I see the passion in your eyes 1595 01:40:24,566 --> 01:40:29,195 * Sometimes it's all a big surprise 1596 01:40:29,237 --> 01:40:31,364 * 'Cause there was a time 1597 01:40:31,406 --> 01:40:34,951 * When all I did was wish 1598 01:40:34,993 --> 01:40:39,372 * You'd tell me this was love 1599 01:40:39,414 --> 01:40:42,250 * It's not the way I hoped 1600 01:40:42,292 --> 01:40:45,378 * Or how I planned 1601 01:40:45,420 --> 01:40:49,466 * But somehow it's enough 1602 01:40:49,507 --> 01:40:54,596 * And now we're standing face to face 1603 01:40:54,637 --> 01:40:59,768 * Isn't this world a crazy place 1604 01:40:59,809 --> 01:41:04,481 * Just when I thought our chance had passed 1605 01:41:04,522 --> 01:41:09,152 * You go and save the best for last 1606 01:41:17,118 --> 01:41:21,998 * All of the nights you came to me 1607 01:41:22,040 --> 01:41:27,128 * When some silly girl had set you free 1608 01:41:27,170 --> 01:41:32,133 * You wondered how you'd make it through 1609 01:41:32,175 --> 01:41:36,846 * I wondered what was wrong with you 1610 01:41:36,888 --> 01:41:42,519 * 'Cause how could you give your love to someone else 1611 01:41:42,560 --> 01:41:46,856 * And share your dreams with me 1612 01:41:46,898 --> 01:41:53,029 * Sometimes the very thing you're looking for 1613 01:41:53,071 --> 01:41:57,117 * Is the one thing you can't see 1614 01:41:57,158 --> 01:42:02,163 * But now we're standing face to face 1615 01:42:02,205 --> 01:42:07,168 * Isn't this world a crazy place? 1616 01:42:07,210 --> 01:42:12,173 * Just when I thought our chance had passed 1617 01:42:12,215 --> 01:42:16,261 * You go and save the best for last 1618 01:42:22,183 --> 01:42:27,147 * Sometimes the snow comes down in June 1619 01:42:27,188 --> 01:42:32,360 * Sometimes the sun goes round the moon 1620 01:42:32,402 --> 01:42:36,072 * Just when I thought our chance had passed 1621 01:42:37,282 --> 01:42:41,411 * You go and save the best for last 1622 01:42:47,208 --> 01:42:50,587 * You went and saved the best 1623 01:42:51,713 --> 01:42:55,467 * For last 1624 01:42:57,802 --> 01:43:00,138 * Yeah * 1625 01:43:08,104 --> 01:43:09,647 (BIRDS CHIRPING) 115624