All language subtitles for American_Dad_S20E04

Is the new stove
coming today?

Is it stove day?!

Merry stove day, jeff!

And we're not getting
just any old stove.

Le bon chaud is the fanciest
french stove money can buy.

Ooh la la.

You've heard of
"emily in paris,"

But have you heard of
"steve in an apron"?

Did someone order
a new stove?!

That cheap piece of crap's
not le bon chaud.

That european stove
you wanted was way overpriced.

What the hell, dad?

I invited nerfer over
to make scrambled eggs.

I'm gonna look like
a damn fool!

[ hissing ]

Does anyone else
hear a loud hiss?

Obviously just a stove snake.
Calm down.

Huh. That hose
shouldn't be there.

[ hissing intensifies ]

[ grunting ]

[ flapping ]

[ cellphone beeps ]

Hey, candace.

Yep, stan bought
another appliance.

Better send the big ambulance.
It's the whole family this time.

♪ good morning, u.S.A. ♪

♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪

♪ the sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪

♪ and he's shinin' a salute
to the american race ♪

♪ oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪

♪ good -- ♪
♪ good morning, u.S.A. ♪

Aah!

♪ good morning, u.S.A. ♪

♪♪

You are all
very lucky.

I have never,
in my entire career as a doctor,

Seen a family this severely
deprived of oxygen.

First day being a doctor,

So I've been saying
stuff like that a lot.

Okay, smiths,
time for your diagnosis.

You're all going to...

Live!

[ all sigh ]

Wow.
We almost died.

Yeah, really puts things
in perspective.

We need to start living
our lives to the fullest

And do all the things
that we've been putting off.

I've always wanted to try
the tiny tacos

From jack in the box,
and you know what?

I'm gonna go for it!

I'm finally gonna start
wearing low-rise jeans,

Even though barry says
I don't have the ass for it.

My whole life
I've had a dream.

It has captivated my imagination
and enthralled me,

But it has also frightened me.

Everest --
the highest peak on earth.

The ultimate test
of human will.

Many have died trying,

But those who reach the summit

Have achieved true greatness.

As mountaineer
sir edmund hillary said,

"it's not the mountain
we conquer, but ourselves."

Hmm.
Mine sounds stupid now.

I wanna do
mom's thing.
Yeah, me too.

I wanna get super high!

This family is going
to conquer mount everest!

[ all cheering ]

In that case,
I'd better write you

A prescription
for adventure!

Isn't it wonderful
how things work out?

You need to book a trip,

And it's the grand opening
of my travel agency.

Can I offer you a water?
Coffee?

Maybe a glass
of champagne?

Lovely.
I'll take all three.

You called my bluff.

I don't have
any of those beverages.

But what I can offer you
is the trip of a lifetime.

I've done my research,

And here's what
an everest climb package costs.

Wow. That's a lot,
but I could work some overtime

And maybe look into starting
an onlyfans account,

Obviously just tasteful
solo stuff.

That's the per-person charge.

This is
the whole enchilada.

That enchilada is
too many tamales!

Don't panic,
klaus has an alternative.

Oh, thank goodness.
What is it?

Zorbing --
sport of the future.

Klaus, focus.

Maybe there's a more affordable
mountain we could climb?

This mount chimborazo
is really cheap.

Not sure I can recommend --

Chimborazo it is!

[ chuckles ]
oho!

It says here that
because of the equatorial bulge,

The summit of chimborazo
is actually the closest point

On earth to the sun.

Of course!
The equatorial bulge.

That's super,
because I'm an og bulge boy.

Ride or die.
Bulge boys, mount up!

And I ain't exactly complaining
about the proximity to the sun.

Why are we flying
on air ecuador?

Air ecuador doesn't only
fly to ecuador.

Like how southwest doesn't
only fly to the southwest.

And virgin air doesn't
just fly to your bedroom.

Boom!

I am not feeling
my look today.

Do you ever walk out
of the house

And realize you look like
an idiot?

I mean,
this guy knows how I feel.

You still haven't told
the family

They're not going
to everest?

I'm waiting for
the perfect moment.

I'm thinking
right at the summit.

Well, good luck
with that.

I'm gonna go
hit on divorcées

In the glass-walled
smoking section

That looks like
a futuristic prison.

Well, I somehow made it
even worse.

I am pumped for this.

I mean, it's everest!

Nothing else can compare.

Technically, everything
can be compared.

That's how comparing
works!

Have you noticed that dad's
acting a little weird?

Watch this.

I sure am excited
to climb everest.

It's cool to be
up really high,

But it's more important,
at least to me,

To be close to the sun.

Dad, why do you keep
talking about the sun?

I'm not doing that.

Hey, switching subjects,
did you know that

One million earths
would fit inside the sun?

Stan, what the hell
is going on?!

We're going to everest, right?

Klaus?

Well, I was gonna
wait for the summit,

But you ruined
my surprise.

We are going to
mount chimborazo!

Waah! Aah-aah!
And the crowd goes wild!

Stan!
I wanted to go to everest!

I wanted to stand
on the highest point.

If you talk about the sun
one more time,

I will cut
your tongue out!

We almost died

And vowed to live life
to the fullest,

And you bring us
to mount chin-beard-rat-turd!

Was it the money,
you damn cheapskate?!

[ all complaining ]

Stan: All I wanted
was to get my family

Close to the sun on a budget.

I don't understand
why they're so mad.

I almost suspect
they're unfamiliar

With the equatorial bulge.

♪♪

We should probably
hit the sack.

Gotta get up early
for our big climb!

We're not climbing
that dinky little mountain.

Come on, kids.
Let's go get drunk.

Khole phep.
That's "bye, felicia" in sherpa.

Which I learned
for nothing!

[ door slams ]

Everyone is being so mean to me
about chimborazo.

Stan, we can still
turn this trip around.

I took it upon myself to book
you all a 5:00 a.M. Zorb.

[ muffled ] someone has
forgotten what zorbing is!

[ plays upbeat song ]

What's with this music?

Would it kill this dude
to play some alice in chains?

[ chuckles ] another round of
drinks for our foreign visitors.

And I also made
little paintings of each of you.

A souvenir of your trip.

My god! How do we get rid
of this dingleberry?

I don't know.
He's kinda got a cool style.

If you need anything else,

Don't hesitate
to call my name --

Vicente.

Are we really gonna
climb this lame-ass mountain?

Oh, no! You cannot climb
chimborazo this time of year.

Very dangerous.
Certain death!

Stan, did you know
this mountain was a death trap?

Stan's gone.

A few hours ago,
he up and left,

Mumbling,
"screw the family.

I'm gonna climb chimborazo
on my own."

[ family gasps ]

We must go after
your father

And find him before he meets
his death on the mountain.

Prepare yourself
for the climb.

We leave at dawn.

Let's just leave now.

I hate going to bed, then
having to get up all groggy.

Yeah, well...
I totally agree.

No, we leave at dawn.

Dawn is when you leave
to climb a mountain, jeff.

Vicente knows my name!

Ow!
Hey, vicente,

Are you getting a lot of rocks
in your sandals?

Ugh.
Yeah, me neither.

I'm so annoyed
your dumb father's climbing

This stump of a mountain.

You know, technically because
of the equatorial bulge --

[ screaming ]
shut up!

Hey, I'm thirsty.

Did anybody bring
any water?

Not to worry.

Chimborazo has
many treats for travelers.

But watch out because
sometimes the travelers

Become the treats.

Whoa!
Can I keep this knife?

No.

Ah.

Eh, I prefer
grapefruit le croix.

Because of
the volcanic activity below

And the grapefruit orchard
above, this stream...

Tastes just like
grapefruit le croix.

Call me when you have
a sierra mist river.

[ as vicente ] chimborazo --
she is a dangerous slut.

Jeff, watch out!
[ screams ]

Sorry. I thought that tree
behind you was a monster.

Can I have this knife?

[ normal voice ]
no, man.

It's not, like,
free knife day.

I recently guided an artist
from pixar up the mountain.

He was thinking of setting the
next pixar movie on chimborazo.

About a country alpaca
that moves down the mountains

And gets bullied
by a bunch of mean city alpacas.

"I'll-pack-a" pillow
to that movie,

Because it sounds like
a snooze.

[ tires screech ]

[ bell jingles ]

Hello, esmeralda.
Klaus heisler.

I need to cancel all seven of
the zorb sessions that I booked.

I'm sorry.

You booked our non-refundable
zorb experiences.

I can offer you a credit.

You could use it toward
a helicopter tour or a --

Look, hon,
you're not dealing with

Some tourist schmuck.

I'm a travel agent.

You seem like
a tourist schmuck.

I just told you
I wasn't one of those!

Okay, that's it.
Let's settle this like adults.

Adults inside zorbs.

I challenge you
to a zorb fight.

I accept.

But only because I feel like
humiliating a fish today.

Joke's on you.

Being humiliated
by a beautiful woman

Is a huge turn-on for me.

Well, sure, this view is
a little magnificent, I guess.

Yeah, and I have to say
I didn't mind

That meadow back there that
smelled like fresh waffles.

Family meeting right now.
I know what's happening.

You're starting
to have a good time.

Well, knock it off.

Climbing everest
was the dream

And yet your father brought us
to chimbo-crapo.

Right, dad always does stuff
like this

And we start having fun
and let him off the hook.

But not this time,
capeesh?

Ooh, I could go for a capeesh
right now.

Hungry? The mountain,
she provides.

This whole mountain
is edible.

Mm.

Nope.
That's just dirt.

How is it?
Bad, right?

Yeah. Unless you're
into perfectly cooked

And seasoned meat
that melts in your mouth.

[ chitters ]

Oh, a cute, little monkey.

I think it looks like
richard nixon.

You're right.

And probably
just as big a liar.

I bet he wants to take us
off the gold standard, too.

That was just a little joke
nobody got.

Mm, I love you.

[ thunder rumbles ]

[ thunder crashes ]

Fear not!
The mountain,

She will provide us shelter
from the passing storm!

Oh, yes,
mother mountain,

She will nestle us in the
cleavage of her rock-hard tits.

Aah!

Chimborazo, she is
a dangerous slut.

♪♪

Where are we?

Inside a crystal geode

That has grown within
the mountain for eons.

Some call this
the heart of chimborazo.

I have to admit,
I feel a little...Good.

It is believed that these
crystals have healing powers.

It's how I've managed
to stay in such good shape

Even though
I'm 97 years old.

Okay, I can't fight it
anymore.

I'm having
a wonderful time.

Oh, my god. Thank you.
I love this mountain.

But when we find
your father,

We can't tell him that
we enjoyed ourselves, okay?

I'm still very mad
at him.

I mean, pretty mad.
I think?

I don't know, I feel so amazing
in this [bleep] cave.

Come,
the rain has passed.

We must go.

Too long in here,
you turn into a baby.

Steve: Dad.

Look who decided
to climb

The crappy mountain
that no one likes

To find the dad
that everyone hates.

You're alive.
But you look terrible.

This mountain is hell.

I crossed a river of sulfur,
bramble fields,

And there were
so many spiders.

Sounds like
you traveled through

El valle azufre
de araas y zarzas --

The sulfurous brambly valley
of spiders.

Oh, I see you made a friend.
That's fun.

I met a pack of wolves
that stole my shoes.

Stan, I'm sorry
that you had a tough time.

But that doesn't change
the fact that --

No.
I will not stand for this.

I must defend the honor
of this broken man.

Everyone can tell
he is a simple,

Working man
that makes very little money.

-I mean, I do alright.
-He tries his best

To provide his family with fun,
affordable vacation,

And what do you people do?

You complain
about everything.

Yeah. Aw, man,
I spit on my sandals.

Ooh, I can't lie.

The truth is, we've had
a wonderful time.

We love chimborazo.

I've secretly treasured
every moment.

And I love this monkey!

I can't wait to tell everyone
I know about this place.

Oh, yeah, everybody is going
to hear about this mountain.

As soon as I have service,
I'm gonna blow instagram up.

Click.
-That's not a click.

This is a click.

I'm partial to clacks
myself.

-Enough.
-[ grunts ]

Vicente,
what are you doing?

I'm doing my job.
My real job.

You see, I'm not actually
a sexy waiter

Or a super-hot
mountain guide.

I am...The protector
of chimborazo.

[ thunder crashes ]

And as the protector
of chimborazo,

I must kill you all.

Because I took a dump
in that crystal cave?

You did what?

I must kill you
to keep this sacred place

From being ruined
like everest has been.

I won't let it be flooded
with stupid tourists.

And thus your family cannot live
to tell the tale of chimborazo.

As we say in ecuador,
saw-wee.

Ugh, secret protector
of the mountain?

Boring.
I've lost all interest.

I was hoping his secret
was something impressive,

Like he could blow
himself.

Where are you taking us,
vicente?

To el culo
del diablo que pica,

The devil's
itchy butthole.

Where I'm going to throw you
into a pit of hot magma.

We never would have told
anybody about this place

Until you made us
fall in love with it.

I always end up
doing this.

I feel compelled to show people
the beauty of chimborazo,

And then I feel compelled
to kill them.

Dad, do something.

Oh, I thought
I couldn't do anything right.

But now that you want
me to save your lives,

I'm mr. Popularity.

Well, okay.

So...Weak...
Maybe...From the...

Many dozens
of spider bites.

Sure, sure I know three
of these are nipples,

But it's still a lot.

[ both grunting ]

♪♪

Whew! Okay, I know
we're supposed to be fighting,

But that was...
-Amazing.

Where'd you learn
to zorb like that?

Every night,
I have the same dream.

And in the dream
I am zorbing.

Same.

I never thought
I'd find someone

That loves zorbs as much
as I do.

I never thought I'd meet
such a cute fish.

[ both moan ]

I'm kissing.

I can't wait for you
to meet my family

When they get back
with vicente.

They're with vicente?

Oh, no.

[ all gasp ]

The devil's
itchy butthole.

A suitable end for those
who would threaten

The pristine beauty
of chimborazo.

But we aren't.
I swear, we would never --

My bad.

Dad's useless.

So we need to do something
about vicente.

One thing I've noticed
about vicente --

He is very horny
for this mountain.

[ gasps ] we can use his love
of the mountain against him.

Yeah. We'll trick him
into showing us

More and more
of the mountain

Until we have a chance
to escape.

Alright, vicente.

You might as well just
go ahead and throw us in.

We've seen all there is
to see on ol' chimborazo.

[ chuckles ] oh.
Oh, far from it.

She's barely pulled up
her dress for you.

You're saying there's more
to this beautiful mountain?

Ugh, I know I should just
throw you in the magma, but...

[ dragons screeching ]

[ mouse squeaking ]

-Whoa.
-It's incredible.

These creatures are found
only here

Near the top
of chimborazo.

You are one
of the few outsiders

To ever see them.

Wow, cool bird.

We call that one
feather bent squawkadelic.

Wow, cool name.

This sleeve
of enchanted e.L. Fudges

Has got me feeling
right as rain.

I know he wants
to kill us,

But I kind of agree
with vicente.

It would be terrible if
tourists ruined this mountain.

Yeah,
this place is special.

Well, well, well.
Chimborazo, eh?

Not such a bad idea
after all.

Three cheers for stan!
Father of the year!

Squawk, squawk, squawk!

♪♪

Francine: She really is
quite the mountain.

She sure is.

Wait a minute,
I just remembered --

We're about to get murdered.

It's always something.

You can never just enjoy
the moment.

[ chainsaw buzzing ]

♪♪

Pixar is back
to make their alpaca movie.

This ends now.

Why don't you use
your gun?

That's not a gun.

It is another
amazing creature

Found only
on chimborazo.

[ squeaks ]

[ grunts ]

This mountain
is too important.

We must join vicente
and fight for it!

For chimborazo!

[ all cheer ]
squawk! Squawk! Squawk!

Let's beat up some nerds!

[ all grunting ]

♪♪

Next time you'll think twice
before you mess with pixar.

[ laughing ]

-Is that...?
-Guys, I met someone.

I'm in love.
-Abuelo!

Esmeralda!
Pixar is back!

[ gasps ]

♪♪

[ people scream ]

-Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
-Yeah!

-Yeah! Suck it, pixar!
-Suck it, pixar!

I misjudged
this family.

You are pure of heart
and spirit.

You love this mountain
as I do.

I name you all
henceforth

Fellow protectors
of chimborazo.

Thank you,
vicente.

Do we actually have to do
anything?

With that pixar movie
shelved,

Chimborazo shall remain
a secret forever.

♪♪

Bye! Have a great time!