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1
00:00:02,470 --> 00:00:05,139
CHRIS ROCK:
High school changes
everybody's life.
2
00:00:05,173 --> 00:00:08,042
After three years at Corleone,
I went to Tattaglia High.
3
00:00:08,076 --> 00:00:10,644
Now, I didn't know what
to expect when I got out,
4
00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:13,447
but I knew what to expect
when I went in.
5
00:00:13,481 --> 00:00:15,083
Get him!
White kids.
6
00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:16,617
(Power Station's
"Some Like It Hot" plays)
7
00:00:16,650 --> 00:00:18,452
(yelling)
8
00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:22,022
And these weren't your everyday
white kids.
9
00:00:23,224 --> 00:00:25,093
They were bigger.
10
00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:26,794
(grunts)
11
00:00:26,827 --> 00:00:28,529
They were faster.
12
00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:29,297
What the...?
13
00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:31,399
(karate yell)
14
00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:32,600
* Feel the heat
15
00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:34,602
They were stronger.
16
00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:37,171
* Pushing you to decide
17
00:00:37,205 --> 00:00:38,572
Hyah!
(Chris screaming)
18
00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:42,643
* Feel the heat
19
00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:45,513
* Burning you up, ready or not
20
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,281
And they were sexier.
21
00:00:47,315 --> 00:00:48,816
They had sexier backs.
22
00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:50,484
* When the heat is on
23
00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:52,386
They had sexier fronts.
24
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,324
* Some feel the heat...
25
00:00:56,357 --> 00:00:58,259
Thank you, Lord.
26
00:00:58,292 --> 00:01:01,729
I had been the only black kid
at my school for three years,
27
00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:04,798
and I still wasn't ready
for what happened next...
28
00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:08,702
Nothing!
29
00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:09,837
Hey, you.
30
00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:13,207
What?
31
00:01:13,241 --> 00:01:14,642
How come you didn't punch me
a second ago?
32
00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:16,210
I don't even know you.
33
00:01:16,244 --> 00:01:17,711
That never stopped anyone
before.
34
00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:19,213
What the hell's your problem?
35
00:01:19,247 --> 00:01:20,581
In an ironic twist of fate,
36
00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:22,483
I was about
to get my ass kicked
37
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:24,385
for expecting
to get my ass kicked.
38
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,854
Nothing. It's just I'm the only
black kid here. I thought...
39
00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:27,888
What are you talking about?
40
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,557
You're not
the only black kid here.
41
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,892
Maybe the dumbest one,
but you're not the only one.
42
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:33,561
(kids laughing)
43
00:01:38,732 --> 00:01:41,435
Finally, I thought
my troubles were over.
44
00:01:41,469 --> 00:01:44,505
I wouldn't be
the only black kid on the bus.
45
00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:46,140
(funky hip-hop playing)
46
00:01:46,174 --> 00:01:49,410
Yo, back of the bus, lady.
47
00:01:51,579 --> 00:01:53,847
I wouldn't be
the only black kid at lunch.
48
00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:58,386
*
49
00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:02,723
And for a change,
50
00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:05,826
I wouldn't be the only black
kid in my classes.
51
00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:11,632
(indistinct conversations)
52
00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:15,503
(conversation stops)
53
00:02:17,605 --> 00:02:20,574
Maybe these are all black kids
wearing whiteface.
54
00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:23,511
Who the hell are you?
55
00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:24,678
I'm Chris.
56
00:02:24,712 --> 00:02:27,248
Star of the new movie,
Guess Who's Coming to Homeroom.
57
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,595
* Ah, make it funky now.
58
00:02:41,629 --> 00:02:45,599
Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT TELEVISION
59
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,415
ROCK:
In a school that was
seven-percent Latino,
60
00:03:01,449 --> 00:03:03,417
nine-percent black
and three-percent Asian,
61
00:03:03,451 --> 00:03:07,488
I somehow ended up in a class
that was 99.9% white.
62
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:10,891
Everybody take a seat,
take a seat.
63
00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:12,326
What are you
doing in here?
64
00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:14,828
It's my class.
You're Mr. Thurman, right?
65
00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:17,731
No, genius, I'm Mr. Magoo.
66
00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:20,434
You don't belong in here.
67
00:03:20,468 --> 00:03:21,535
Why not?
68
00:03:21,569 --> 00:03:22,703
You're black, you're black.
You're the black guy.
69
00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:25,673
I took a wrong turn
and ended up in South Africa.
70
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,441
What's that got to do
with anything?
71
00:03:27,475 --> 00:03:28,809
You're gonna disturb my balance.
72
00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:30,644
You're like Crispus Attucks
in the Boston Massacre.
73
00:03:30,678 --> 00:03:32,380
Whatever happens in here,
good or bad,
74
00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:34,315
we're all gonna end up
talking about you.
75
00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:35,716
I'm doing it already
and I'm sick of it.
76
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:37,718
Listen here, Mr. Magoo,
I would love to leave,
77
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,787
but I ain't got nowhere else
to go.
78
00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:41,822
What's the matter? What are you,
what are you, Cuban?
79
00:03:41,855 --> 00:03:43,857
Hmm? Go ahead, sit
down, sit down.
80
00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,393
Don't touch anybody, huh?
81
00:03:45,426 --> 00:03:48,296
And it's Thurman.
Magoo's a joke.
82
00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:49,363
Hilarious.
83
00:03:49,397 --> 00:03:51,465
No, no, not here.
You people like to march, right?
84
00:03:51,499 --> 00:03:53,834
March your way to the back
of the class. Go ahead.
85
00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,806
He was afraid I'd bring
the property value
86
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:00,641
of his classroom down.
87
00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:03,644
The hardest part about being
a black nerd
88
00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:05,579
was that I didn't fit in
with anybody.
89
00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:07,014
Not to mention,
before the Internet,
90
00:04:07,047 --> 00:04:12,320
there were only two black
nerds-- me and this guy.
91
00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:14,988
(Huey Lewis and the News'
"Hip To Be Square" plays)
92
00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:17,358
Officer, that's him!
93
00:04:17,391 --> 00:04:19,327
Black translation: run!
94
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:22,663
(laughing)
95
00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:27,501
Thank you, honey. (chuckles)
96
00:04:27,535 --> 00:04:28,902
All right.
What's wrong
with you, man?
97
00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:29,870
That wasn't funny!
98
00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:32,039
Dude, why'd you run?
You didn't do anything.
99
00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:33,441
Tell that to Emmett Till.
100
00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:34,742
I was scared.
101
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:35,876
All the white people think
102
00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:37,778
I look like every
black person on Earth.
103
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:39,847
I could go to jail
for anything
104
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:40,814
from a parking ticket
105
00:04:40,848 --> 00:04:42,850
to throwing little baby
Jessica down the well.
106
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:44,518
Dude, that didn't
even happen yet.
107
00:04:44,552 --> 00:04:45,653
I'm just saying.
108
00:04:45,686 --> 00:04:48,088
What you doing
down here?
We had a half day
today.
109
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,023
I figured I'd try
and catch up with you.
110
00:04:50,057 --> 00:04:51,892
Is that coat the attire
for the Bronx Academy?
111
00:04:51,925 --> 00:04:53,093
Man, you wouldn't
believe it.
112
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:55,929
I found the one place
on Earth where I'm
not a nerd.
113
00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:57,631
Where, in that coat?
The Bronx Academy.
114
00:04:57,665 --> 00:04:59,667
I'm the only one coming
from a public school.
115
00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:00,901
I'm, like, the toughest
kid there.
116
00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:01,735
Everyone's scared of me.
117
00:05:01,769 --> 00:05:03,704
Scared of you
or scared of that coat?
118
00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:05,839
This was the first time
Greg scared anyone
119
00:05:05,873 --> 00:05:07,541
outside of a spelling bee.
120
00:05:07,575 --> 00:05:08,976
Is that blood
on that coat?
121
00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:10,043
Yeah. Cool, huh?
122
00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:11,345
No.
123
00:05:11,379 --> 00:05:12,680
Don't worry.
It's not mine.
124
00:05:12,713 --> 00:05:14,615
Not your blood
or not your coat?
125
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,750
Yes and yes.
Want some cash?
126
00:05:16,784 --> 00:05:17,951
You kidding me?
127
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:19,887
Take it, man. I can
get more tomorrow.
128
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:21,889
Greg was like an ATM machine
with acne.
129
00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:23,724
So how's it over here?
130
00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:25,559
Same old, same old.
131
00:05:25,593 --> 00:05:28,596
I start my day like I always did
for the past three years:
132
00:05:28,629 --> 00:05:30,330
room full of white people.
133
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:33,501
Hang in there, man.
134
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:35,603
If there's anything
I can do for you,
135
00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:36,937
you let me know.
136
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,105
Got any more of them coats?
137
00:05:38,138 --> 00:05:39,607
Sorry. I'll catch you later.
138
00:05:43,611 --> 00:05:45,513
While I dealt
with my new school,
139
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:48,516
my mother dealt
with her own hairy situation.
140
00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:50,050
Hey, Mom,
141
00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:51,952
what happened
to your hair?
142
00:05:51,985 --> 00:05:54,755
That is not the way you give
a woman a compliment, Drew.
143
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,123
I wasn't giving
a compliment, I was
144
00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:57,491
just trying to find
out what happened.
145
00:05:57,525 --> 00:05:59,560
Whatever happened,
it looks nice.
146
00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,629
What did happen?
Nothing happened!
147
00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:03,497
Something happened--
all the hair on
148
00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:05,599
the right side of
your head is missing.
149
00:06:05,633 --> 00:06:08,536
Maybe aliens came and
cut it so they could
put a probe in your ear.
150
00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:10,571
I do not have a probe in my ear.
151
00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:11,972
You sure?
152
00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:15,175
It's called an
"asymmetrical bob."
153
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:16,544
Sounds alien to me!
154
00:06:16,577 --> 00:06:18,546
I got it done at Vanessa's shop.
155
00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:19,813
Wait, I thought it was
Pam's shop.
156
00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:22,516
Vanessa hit the number
and bought Pam out.
157
00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:24,518
Yeah, now I'm the new manager.
158
00:06:24,552 --> 00:06:26,587
What happened
to your old job?
159
00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:29,557
Something that hadn't happened
in a long time.
160
00:06:29,590 --> 00:06:31,559
I do not need this, okay?!
161
00:06:31,592 --> 00:06:34,094
My man has two jobs!
162
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:39,467
Two jobs equals one finger.
163
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:40,834
What you reading, baby?
164
00:06:40,868 --> 00:06:42,636
After Tonya's crush
on Billy Ocean ended,
165
00:06:42,670 --> 00:06:43,904
she got a new one
166
00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:47,207
on one of the top movie stars
of the time, Danny Glover.
167
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,510
Danny Glover?
Didn't he play Benson?
168
00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:51,612
No, no, that was
Robert Guillaume.
169
00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:53,781
Danny Glover played the father
on Good Times.
170
00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:56,617
No, no, that's John Amos.
Danny Glover was Chicken George.
171
00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:57,718
No, that's Ben Vereen.
172
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,653
Danny Glover's the voice
of Darth Vader.
173
00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:01,555
No, that's James Earl Jones.
174
00:07:01,589 --> 00:07:03,924
Danny Glover played "Mister"
in The Color Purple.
175
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:05,125
ALL:
Oh...
176
00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:06,860
I thought
that was Whoopi Goldberg.
177
00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:09,597
His next movie is with some
white guy named Mel Gibson.
178
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:11,599
Drew, what are you doing?
179
00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:13,667
Looking for a job.
Since I'm 13,
180
00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:15,636
I figured I'd start working
and make some real money.
181
00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:16,436
Well, you just remember,
182
00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:19,540
for now,
school is your first job.
183
00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:21,875
There's nothing wrong with
looking for your second job.
184
00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:24,044
If Drew gets a job,
can I have his allowance?
185
00:07:24,077 --> 00:07:25,078
No.
No.
No.
186
00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:26,213
So, how was school?
187
00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:27,681
Horrible.
Fine.
188
00:07:27,715 --> 00:07:30,584
How was your
first day, Drew?
Fine.
189
00:07:30,618 --> 00:07:33,186
His "fine" and my "fine"
were two different "fines."
190
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:35,556
(Kool and the Gang's
"Celebrate" plays)
191
00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:37,558
* Whoo-hoo!
192
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,260
* It's a celebration
193
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:44,097
* Celebrate good times,
come on! *
194
00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:46,066
And they did that for Drew
every single day.
195
00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:49,970
Daddy, I wanted
to ask you something.
196
00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:51,605
Yes, baby?
197
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:55,175
Can I get a job?
198
00:07:56,443 --> 00:07:59,747
This may have been the happiest
moment of my father's life.
199
00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:04,017
(laughing)
200
00:08:04,051 --> 00:08:06,754
My baby wants a job!
201
00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:09,590
Get off of my
car, fool!
202
00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:10,924
I don't see why not.
203
00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:12,793
ROCHELLE:
I don't know, baby.
204
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:13,661
You're only 12.
205
00:08:13,694 --> 00:08:15,696
You're a little too young
to be working.
206
00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:17,698
But Chris had a job
when he was 12.
207
00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:19,032
I had a job when I was two.
208
00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:22,736
Well, go do your homework,
and we'll talk about it
in the morning.
209
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:27,741
What?
210
00:08:27,775 --> 00:08:29,209
(mocking):
What?
211
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:31,111
I don't want Tonya working.
212
00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:33,614
She's still a little girl.
213
00:08:33,647 --> 00:08:34,882
This will be good for her.
214
00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:36,049
She'll be learning
responsibility
215
00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:37,818
and plus, she'll be making
a little money.
216
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:39,252
What he really meant was...
217
00:08:39,286 --> 00:08:41,689
She'll be making money.
She'll be making money.
218
00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:44,692
She'll be making money
and she'll be making money!
219
00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:46,760
Well, where are we supposed
to find her a job?
220
00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:48,629
She can work at
the beauty shop
with you.
221
00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:49,797
She could
sweep up here.
222
00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:51,264
I don't want
her breathing
those chemicals.
223
00:08:51,298 --> 00:08:52,132
She can wear
a mask.
224
00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:53,934
When is she supposed
to do her homework?
225
00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:55,302
When she's not sweeping.
226
00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:57,638
What if she hears something
she's not supposed to?
227
00:08:57,671 --> 00:08:58,872
Don't tell me.
You really want her
228
00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:00,307
to work that bad?
Yes!
229
00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:03,711
No, but it's not me, it's her.
230
00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:05,846
Fine.
231
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:08,849
Sweep up those crumbs.
232
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:10,884
Tonya wants to work.
Let her do it.
233
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,222
To get out
from under Mr. Thurman,
234
00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:17,324
I decided to go straight
to the top.
235
00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:18,592
Excuse me.
236
00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:21,662
Oh, my God! Chris!
237
00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:25,599
It'd be 20 yearsbefore another
woman had that reaction.
238
00:09:25,633 --> 00:09:26,867
Miss Morello,
you're the principal?
239
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:27,935
How'd you end up here?
240
00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:29,903
You wouldn't believe it.
241
00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:33,306
I hate this school!
I hate these kids!
242
00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:37,144
And every last one of you
can kiss my white...
243
00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:38,746
(gasping)
244
00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:40,080
As luck would have it,
245
00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:43,316
I ended up doing the same
thing over at Corleone.
246
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:44,184
Only topless.
247
00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:46,787
So I took the job here.
248
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,722
Come, come, come, sit.
249
00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:54,728
So, what can
I do for you?
250
00:09:54,762 --> 00:09:56,196
I need to change homerooms.
251
00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:57,998
Oh, what's the problem?
252
00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,833
Mr. Thurman hates me.
253
00:09:59,867 --> 00:10:01,702
Everyone does. It's in
the title of the show, dummy.
254
00:10:01,735 --> 00:10:03,871
I'm tired of being around
only white kids all the time.
255
00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:05,038
Doesn't bother Michael Jackson.
256
00:10:05,072 --> 00:10:07,207
Chris, I thought you'd like
that room.
257
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:08,876
That's why
I had you placed there.
258
00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:12,012
You put me in that class?
259
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:14,848
Yes, but if I had known
you were a racist...
260
00:10:14,882 --> 00:10:16,784
No, I'm not a racist.
261
00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:18,719
Well, I don't hear any of
the white kids complaining
262
00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:20,420
about being around you.
263
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,089
It's hard to talk
when you're wearing a hood.
264
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:24,858
And I think
that's mighty white of them.
265
00:10:24,892 --> 00:10:26,159
While I regain my composure,
266
00:10:26,193 --> 00:10:28,996
let's hear a word
from our sponsors.
267
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,301
CHRIS ROCK:
Before I strangled her,
268
00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:36,403
I wanted to know
why she did what she did.
269
00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:38,438
Chris, when I saw your
name on the register,
270
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,407
I thought, if you
hadn't gotten shot,
271
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,142
ended up slinging rock,
272
00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:44,177
or become a baby daddy
over the summer,
273
00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:46,780
that you'd want
to get back to
something you knew.
274
00:10:46,814 --> 00:10:49,082
Yeah. I know black kids,
Asians, Latinos.
275
00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:51,318
So why can't I be
in the homeroom with them?
276
00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:53,887
Chris, the black boys
are all in gangs,
277
00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:55,689
the girls are all bougie,
278
00:10:55,723 --> 00:10:58,025
and don't even get me started
on the Puerto Ricans.
279
00:10:58,058 --> 00:11:00,193
Boriqua? What is that?
280
00:11:00,227 --> 00:11:02,696
What have you got against
white people anyway?
281
00:11:02,730 --> 00:11:03,897
Oh, you'll find out.
282
00:11:03,931 --> 00:11:05,733
Nothing. I just don't want
to start every day
283
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:07,334
in a roomful of people
who hate me.
284
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:09,369
Tell you what.
If you can find
a black friend,
285
00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:11,905
or a group of people
that you can fit in with
286
00:11:11,939 --> 00:11:14,374
that aren't all white,
I'll put you in
a new homeroom.
287
00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:16,143
Serious?
As a heart attack.
288
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:18,812
If I'm lucky, maybe
you'll have one before me.
289
00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:23,050
While I had a job to do,
my sister was going to work.
290
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:24,985
Now, you remember what
I told you, Tonya, right?
291
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:27,387
What happens in the beauty shop
stays in the beauty shop.
292
00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:28,822
That's my girl.
293
00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:30,824
Women need to know
this is a place
294
00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:32,893
where they can come
and say anything they want.
295
00:11:32,926 --> 00:11:34,995
Got it.
296
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:38,165
Like every white basketball
player who makes the NBA,
297
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:42,770
I had a tough job ahead of me:
I had to find black friends.
298
00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:44,938
I tried black guys.
299
00:11:44,972 --> 00:11:49,176
Uh... man, where
you get those clothes?
300
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:52,780
Looking like page 32
of the Sears catalog.
301
00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:54,447
Hey, where's your football?
302
00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:55,916
Page 49.
303
00:11:55,949 --> 00:11:59,252
I tried
tender-headed black girls.
304
00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:03,190
Ow! Ow!
305
00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:04,391
Stupid!
306
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:06,760
I even tried
the Black Student Union.
307
00:12:06,794 --> 00:12:08,495
You've been hoodwinked!
You've been had!
308
00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:11,164
You've been took! You've been
led astray! Run amok!
309
00:12:11,198 --> 00:12:13,033
You have been bamboozled!
310
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:16,970
Hey! Get your hand
out of my pocket!
311
00:12:17,004 --> 00:12:19,072
Rest in peace, Talcum X.
312
00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:21,875
When my mother told Tonya
313
00:12:21,909 --> 00:12:23,844
she could say
anything she wanted,
314
00:12:23,877 --> 00:12:25,846
Tonya took her at her word.
315
00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:30,183
* Tonight I feel
the need for passion... *
316
00:12:30,217 --> 00:12:31,484
Did you dye
your hair blond
317
00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:33,854
or did you dye
your eyebrows black?
318
00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:35,923
Your perm looks nice,
319
00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:38,391
but what's wrong
with your toenails?
320
00:12:40,828 --> 00:12:44,097
Should you be using food stamps
to pay for this?
321
00:12:44,131 --> 00:12:49,202
* I want to see you,
I want to breathe you... *
322
00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:51,805
Vanessa, you need to
talk to that little girl.
323
00:12:51,839 --> 00:12:53,907
You think I don't
know I got a mole?
324
00:12:53,941 --> 00:12:55,976
Holy moley!
I know I got a mole.
325
00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:57,978
Does your mole know
about your mustache?
326
00:12:58,011 --> 00:12:59,546
What? Gloria, wait a minute!
327
00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:03,083
Tonya.
328
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,052
What?
329
00:13:05,085 --> 00:13:08,455
(yelling and screaming)
330
00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:09,957
I hate these guys!
331
00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:12,893
I frickin' hate them!
332
00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:13,994
All of them!
333
00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:17,564
Why did I ever take this job?
334
00:13:17,597 --> 00:13:19,032
Huh?
335
00:13:19,066 --> 00:13:20,067
You have to be crazy,
336
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:21,835
have no friends, no prospects,
337
00:13:21,869 --> 00:13:24,504
and no reason to believe that
your life could be any better
338
00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:27,440
than to be tormented
and hated every day!
339
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:29,076
Sounds like the perfect job
for me.
340
00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:31,511
I quit!
341
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:34,181
Football team manager
was a horrible job,
342
00:13:34,214 --> 00:13:36,884
but if it was going to get
me away from Mr. Thurman,
343
00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:38,919
I'd work for the devil himself.
344
00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:40,487
(whistle blowing)
345
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:41,889
What's going on out here?
346
00:13:41,922 --> 00:13:43,924
You're the coach?
347
00:13:43,957 --> 00:13:46,159
Make that
the white devil himself.
348
00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:52,232
I had a dilemma.
349
00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:53,466
To get out of Thurman's
homeroom,
350
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,102
I had to get into
his locker room.
351
00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:57,070
What are you, the
one-man march? Hmm?
You going to
352
00:13:57,104 --> 00:13:59,339
integrate every room I'm in,
whether I like it or not?
353
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,074
I'm here to apply
for team manager.
354
00:14:01,108 --> 00:14:03,476
At least the locker room
wasn't all white.
355
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:05,378
Hi, Dickerson.
How's your ankle?
356
00:14:05,412 --> 00:14:06,880
It's good.
Who's this?
357
00:14:06,914 --> 00:14:08,315
That's Chris.
He wants to be
358
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:09,249
the new team manager.
359
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:11,051
What happened to that
skinny white dude?
360
00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:12,119
He quit.
361
00:14:12,152 --> 00:14:13,120
Hey...
362
00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:14,421
There you go.
363
00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:16,089
And don't be putting
no bleach in my drawers.
364
00:14:16,123 --> 00:14:17,925
I'm allergic.
365
00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:20,093
Who's that?
366
00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:22,162
That's Walter Dickerson,
our star running black.
367
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:23,463
"Back."
368
00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:27,500
Hmm? Huh? What? What?
369
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:28,635
Nothing.
370
00:14:28,668 --> 00:14:29,469
Give me one good reason
371
00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:31,338
why I should let
you be team manager.
372
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,206
Because the last guy quit.
373
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:34,641
Because I'm
the only one here.
374
00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:36,276
Don't be a smartass.
375
00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:37,978
Can I ask you a question?
What's that?
376
00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:40,047
Is Dickerson the only
black player on the team?
377
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:42,515
Oh, for God's sake!
Now you want to get
on the team, too?
378
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:43,716
What do you want to be?
A jockstrap?
379
00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:46,053
I guess you're just going
to black your way through life.
380
00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:46,853
Is that right?
381
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,121
It didn't work
for Jesse Jackson,
382
00:14:48,155 --> 00:14:49,656
and it's not going
to work for you.
383
00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:52,025
Actually, it worked
for both of us.
384
00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:54,361
Let me tell you something.
385
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,029
If you're going
to be around me,
386
00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:57,965
you need to
understand something.
387
00:14:57,998 --> 00:14:59,632
I don't like people.
388
00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:00,968
You forgot to say "black."
389
00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:02,569
Because people are idiots.
390
00:15:02,602 --> 00:15:05,305
They don't read, they don't
think, and they're lazy.
391
00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:07,507
If they can find an easier
way to do something,
392
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,076
they'll take it every time.
393
00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:10,510
White people didn't have slaves
because they're racist.
394
00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:12,012
Yes, they did.
395
00:15:12,045 --> 00:15:13,546
They did it
because they're lazy.
396
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:15,582
Lazyracists!
If they had gotten
off their butts
397
00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:17,084
and picked
their own damn cotton,
398
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:18,718
they wouldn't have had
to shoot Dr. King.
399
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:21,354
He's dead because
white people are lazy!
400
00:15:21,388 --> 00:15:23,290
And what do we do
to honor him?
401
00:15:23,323 --> 00:15:26,093
We take a damn day off work.
I'm sick of it!
402
00:15:26,126 --> 00:15:28,528
You want to get along with me,
don't be lazy.
403
00:15:28,561 --> 00:15:30,330
(thud)
Or black.
404
00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:34,968
4:00. Be there. Every day.
405
00:15:35,002 --> 00:15:38,038
And don't be late.
You understand?
406
00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:43,476
And you're not
getting on this team.
407
00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:45,678
Thanks for the job, Coach!
408
00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:48,148
While I talked my way
into a job,
409
00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:49,649
Tonya talked her way
out of one.
410
00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:52,319
You gotta fire Tonya.
411
00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:54,254
Vanessa, let me
talk to her first.
412
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,123
Rochelle,
I don't have time for that.
413
00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:58,258
I'm losing more customers
than a Muslim rib shack.
414
00:15:58,291 --> 00:15:59,292
Ah salaam a lick 'em!
415
00:15:59,326 --> 00:16:00,994
She broke up two marriages,
416
00:16:01,028 --> 00:16:02,062
she outed Jerome's uncle,
417
00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:03,563
and she told Gloria
about her mole.
418
00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:06,033
She told Gloria
about her mole?
419
00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:07,234
Oh, Lord! Not the mole!
420
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:09,702
Everybody knows how sensitive
Gloria is about that mole.
421
00:16:09,736 --> 00:16:11,404
She ain't say nothing
about her mustache, did she?
422
00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:12,172
She didn't have to.
423
00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:14,107
Oh! Oh, Vanessa...
424
00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:17,210
Rochelle, either you fire her or
I'm going to have to fire you.
425
00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:21,481
Since me and Miss Morello
had a deal,
426
00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:23,316
it was time to pay the piper.
427
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:24,417
Great. Thanks.
428
00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:27,420
Well, Chris,
you did it.
429
00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:29,522
I thought you had about
as much chance of working
430
00:16:29,556 --> 00:16:30,757
with the football team
431
00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:34,561
as Boy George does of joining
Quiet Riot, but you did it!
432
00:16:34,594 --> 00:16:37,164
And oddly enough,
so did Boy George.
433
00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:40,400
* Come on, feel the noise
434
00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:43,303
* Girls rock your boys
435
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:46,706
* We'll get wild,
wild, wild... *
436
00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:48,575
Walter, I didn't
mean to doubt you.
437
00:16:48,608 --> 00:16:50,077
I just had to make sure
438
00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:52,779
Chris wasn't trying
to run game on me.
439
00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:55,515
That's cool. So can I go?
440
00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:59,186
Well, I guess. Yeah. Sure.
441
00:17:05,292 --> 00:17:07,560
So you going to move me
to a new homeroom?
442
00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:10,097
A deal is a deal.
443
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:12,132
While my future was looking up,
444
00:17:12,165 --> 00:17:13,533
Tonya's was going
down the drain.
445
00:17:13,566 --> 00:17:16,269
I'm fired? How come?
446
00:17:16,303 --> 00:17:19,072
I swept up all the hair,
I cleaned out the shampoo bowls,
447
00:17:19,106 --> 00:17:20,673
I even picked up
those nasty toenail clippings.
448
00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:23,576
It's not that, Tonya.
449
00:17:23,610 --> 00:17:26,246
You know how
I told you that women need
450
00:17:26,279 --> 00:17:28,415
to be able to say anything
in the beauty salon?
451
00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:29,649
Yes.
452
00:17:29,682 --> 00:17:31,284
Well, baby,
there is a difference
453
00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:34,287
between saying anything
and saying everything.
454
00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:37,657
So I'm getting fired
for being honest?
455
00:17:37,690 --> 00:17:40,260
It happened to Don Imus.
It could happen to you.
456
00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:43,163
I'm sorry, but yes.
457
00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:47,767
You know what?
458
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,370
I don't need this mess!
459
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:52,639
My father has two jobs!
460
00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:54,807
Deja vu.
461
00:17:56,809 --> 00:18:00,213
My mother would have snatched
the naps out of Tonya's head,
462
00:18:00,247 --> 00:18:04,151
but at that moment,
she was just too proud.
463
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:08,321
My new homeroom was a war zone
with no general in charge.
464
00:18:08,355 --> 00:18:09,889
Okay, settle down.
465
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:13,360
(students shouting)
466
00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:15,228
You just going
to sit there?
467
00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:18,265
What do you want me to do?
I'm a teacher, not riot control.
468
00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:20,467
We need a Morgan Freeman
with a bat!
469
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:21,901
You could
say something.
470
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:24,704
I said, "Settle down."
You got a better idea?
471
00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:27,307
Rubber bullets?
472
00:18:27,340 --> 00:18:29,376
Yeah. You could...
473
00:18:29,409 --> 00:18:31,544
After five minutes
in my new homeroom,
474
00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:33,813
I learned being
in a class with Mr. Thurman
475
00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:35,448
would require character.
476
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:38,151
Being in a class without him
required stitches.
477
00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:40,353
Chris, I'm not
doing this again.
Are you sure?
478
00:18:40,387 --> 00:18:41,421
I'm sure.
479
00:18:46,293 --> 00:18:47,360
THURMAN:
All right.
480
00:18:47,394 --> 00:18:49,462
Jameson? Jackson? Jones?
Here!
Here!
481
00:18:49,496 --> 00:18:51,331
What the hell you doing
back in here?
482
00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:52,865
I thought I
was done with you.
483
00:18:52,899 --> 00:18:55,168
I asked Miss Morello
if I could come back.
484
00:18:55,202 --> 00:18:58,371
For what? You wanted out.
I wanted you out. You're out.
485
00:18:58,405 --> 00:19:01,508
Your work here is done.
Come on, get the hell
out of here. Go, go.
486
00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:02,542
No. I'm staying.
487
00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:03,743
Why?
488
00:19:03,776 --> 00:19:05,678
See, if we're gonna be working
together,
489
00:19:05,712 --> 00:19:07,214
why should I avoid you?
490
00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:08,681
So whatever you got,
bring it.
491
00:19:08,715 --> 00:19:10,517
I might as well get used to it.
492
00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:12,752
Translation:
You might not like me,
493
00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:15,955
but those other guys
tried to kill me.
494
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:18,325
What are you,
special, hmm?
A big-shot?
495
00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:21,694
Don't you eye-ball me.
I eye-ball you.
496
00:19:21,728 --> 00:19:23,830
Sit down.
497
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:26,233
Aah!
498
00:19:26,266 --> 00:19:27,767
Up front.
499
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:32,639
You wanted my
attention, you got it!
500
00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:37,910
(smacks lips)
501
00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:39,912
I'll deal with that.
502
00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:42,649
Coming into Tattaglia, I
thought I would stand out
503
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,884
because I was the
only black kid.
504
00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:47,220
But all I was was
just another teenager.
505
00:19:47,254 --> 00:19:49,389
If I wanted people to notice
me, I was actually
506
00:19:49,422 --> 00:19:52,459
going to have to do something
worth noticing.
507
00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:54,761
Not quite what I had in mind.
508
00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:57,430
Caruso? What are you doing here?
509
00:19:57,464 --> 00:20:00,333
I'm knocking you on the floor,
Bumpy. What's it look like?
510
00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:03,303
There's so many blacks here now,
I almost didn't recognize you.
511
00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:05,438
Well, feel free
to punch one of them.
512
00:20:05,472 --> 00:20:07,640
That's okay.
But thanks for the offer.
513
00:20:07,674 --> 00:20:09,876
Welcome to Tattaglia.
514
00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:15,915
* Everybody hates Chris...
515
00:20:30,530 --> 00:20:33,300
* Ah, make it funky now.
34949
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