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1
00:00:01,415 --> 00:00:03,210
I don't want to play
a boring old board game.
2
00:00:03,244 --> 00:00:04,659
I'd rather text my friends.
3
00:00:04,694 --> 00:00:07,007
Announcer: Now you can do both
with OMGouija!
4
00:00:07,041 --> 00:00:08,422
Text with actual dead people.
5
00:00:08,456 --> 00:00:10,734
♪ Smiley face, smiley poo
6
00:00:10,769 --> 00:00:13,323
♪ The dead are BFFs with you
7
00:00:13,358 --> 00:00:16,361
Ghosts are so cool.
LOL.
8
00:00:16,395 --> 00:00:18,708
Grandma! TMI.
9
00:00:18,742 --> 00:00:21,504
I didn't do it!
[ Laughs ]
10
00:00:21,538 --> 00:00:23,747
OMGouija.
By Beezel Brothers.
11
00:00:23,782 --> 00:00:25,715
Great, right?
It's great?
12
00:00:25,749 --> 00:00:29,339
Eggplant means penis.
[ Laughs ]
13
00:00:29,374 --> 00:00:30,582
I can't believe
that got through.
14
00:00:30,616 --> 00:00:32,722
Old people having
a sex life is funny.
15
00:00:32,756 --> 00:00:34,206
Yeah, we're not talking
about old people, Gary.
16
00:00:34,241 --> 00:00:35,759
We are talking about
today's youth.
17
00:00:35,794 --> 00:00:39,798
Kids today like to communicate
using "emojis," IMHO.
18
00:00:39,832 --> 00:00:42,456
Yes, sir. You know,
there is nothing cooler
19
00:00:42,490 --> 00:00:43,905
than taking
an old board game
20
00:00:43,940 --> 00:00:46,563
and cynically slapping on
a bunch of trendy shit.
21
00:00:46,598 --> 00:00:49,187
Glad you feel that way, Troy,
because starting tonight,
22
00:00:49,221 --> 00:00:51,223
you are all on OMGouija duty.
23
00:00:51,258 --> 00:00:53,398
[ All groan ]
24
00:00:53,432 --> 00:00:54,882
Oh, and I'm not J.K.!
25
00:00:54,916 --> 00:00:58,023
I am serious as...A.F.
26
00:00:59,818 --> 00:01:02,924
♪♪
27
00:01:02,959 --> 00:01:04,788
All right, look alive, people.
Look alive.
28
00:01:04,823 --> 00:01:06,721
It's Saturday night. Listen up.
We've got slumber parties --
29
00:01:06,756 --> 00:01:08,275
a lot of teenage girls
calling in.
30
00:01:08,309 --> 00:01:09,759
Oh, and the church lock-ins --
31
00:01:09,793 --> 00:01:11,623
always gonna get a lot
of Ouija out of that.
32
00:01:11,657 --> 00:01:14,143
I'm so psyched for this!
Let's go!
33
00:01:14,177 --> 00:01:16,317
Whoo![ Door slams ]
34
00:01:16,352 --> 00:01:18,388
Why do they
call it texting
35
00:01:18,423 --> 00:01:21,564
when it's a bunch
of faces and fruits?
36
00:01:21,598 --> 00:01:23,566
What they ought to call it
is fruiting!
37
00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:25,223
Yeah, well,
times have changed.
38
00:01:25,257 --> 00:01:26,569
They sure have.
39
00:01:26,603 --> 00:01:27,811
Chinamen used to work
on the railroad.
40
00:01:27,846 --> 00:01:29,606
They weren't
laughing then.
41
00:01:29,641 --> 00:01:33,748
Look at 'em now,
running the world.
42
00:01:33,783 --> 00:01:35,095
Hey, Amy.
43
00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:36,510
I got you this neat game.
44
00:01:36,544 --> 00:01:39,582
it's Oomoojy.
You can text ghosts with it.
45
00:01:39,616 --> 00:01:40,928
Man:
And then maybe after that,
46
00:01:40,962 --> 00:01:42,585
you could talk
to some living people.
47
00:01:42,619 --> 00:01:43,965
When I was your age,
48
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:47,314
I'd grab a couple pals
and we'd get spooky.
49
00:01:47,348 --> 00:01:49,971
Maybe you can call
some friends...
50
00:01:50,006 --> 00:01:52,181
make it a sleepover!
51
00:01:52,215 --> 00:02:00,189
♪♪
52
00:02:00,223 --> 00:02:01,673
Guys.
Guys, it's moving!
53
00:02:01,707 --> 00:02:03,813
Somebody is talking to me.
I'm not doing that.
54
00:02:03,847 --> 00:02:05,332
[ Fart ]
55
00:02:05,366 --> 00:02:06,781
What kind of
polluted mind
56
00:02:06,816 --> 00:02:09,198
would communicate
a face on excrement?
57
00:02:09,232 --> 00:02:13,719
R...U...Dead?
58
00:02:13,754 --> 00:02:16,964
Oh dip!
Okay. Okay.
59
00:02:16,998 --> 00:02:19,000
[ Grunts ]
60
00:02:19,035 --> 00:02:22,142
[ Panting ] Yes. Smiley face
with his tongue out. LOL.
61
00:02:22,176 --> 00:02:24,144
[ Chuckles ]
62
00:02:24,178 --> 00:02:26,007
[ Stifled laugh ]
63
00:02:26,042 --> 00:02:28,458
Damn.
64
00:02:28,493 --> 00:02:31,081
[ Gasps ]
It's a lady.
65
00:02:31,116 --> 00:02:32,531
She's at a big party.
What do I do?
66
00:02:32,566 --> 00:02:33,912
Dude, she sent me
a kissy face.
67
00:02:33,946 --> 00:02:36,294
Damn, son, she wants you.
Tell her to send a pic.
68
00:02:36,328 --> 00:02:37,571
Send her
the angry Chinaman.
69
00:02:37,605 --> 00:02:39,297
Let her know
you mean business.
70
00:02:39,331 --> 00:02:41,368
Which fruit
denotes wealth?
71
00:02:41,402 --> 00:02:43,991
Grapes. I'm gonna send her
a kissy face.
72
00:02:44,025 --> 00:02:47,512
♪ I summon you
by the moonlight ♪
73
00:02:47,546 --> 00:02:49,928
♪ You're the one for me
74
00:02:49,962 --> 00:02:55,347
♪♪
75
00:02:55,382 --> 00:03:00,766
♪♪
76
00:03:00,801 --> 00:03:02,354
Thumbs up
on summoning.
77
00:03:02,389 --> 00:03:03,735
Aah!
78
00:03:03,769 --> 00:03:06,220
[ Thunder crashes
and electricity crackling ]
79
00:03:06,255 --> 00:03:09,189
Greetings!
[ Laughs evilly ]
80
00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:10,569
Oh, man.
81
00:03:10,604 --> 00:03:11,950
You're supposed to be
21 years old.
82
00:03:11,984 --> 00:03:14,401
You said
you were 21 years old.
83
00:03:14,435 --> 00:03:16,265
Okay, well, you were supposed
to be a hunk
84
00:03:16,299 --> 00:03:17,542
with chiseled
good looks.
85
00:03:17,576 --> 00:03:18,853
I am,
and I do have that.
86
00:03:18,888 --> 00:03:21,339
But one of these lies
puts one of us in jail.
87
00:03:21,373 --> 00:03:22,754
Where are your friends?
88
00:03:22,788 --> 00:03:24,238
I thought there was going to be
like a party in here.
89
00:03:24,273 --> 00:03:26,792
The box says for four
to six players, not just one.
90
00:03:26,827 --> 00:03:29,105
I don't really have
any friends, I guess.
91
00:03:29,139 --> 00:03:31,072
Well, what about
that boyfriend, Cody,
92
00:03:31,107 --> 00:03:33,592
that you kept throwing
in my face?
93
00:03:33,627 --> 00:03:38,045
He thinks I'm a...weirdo,
like everyone else does.
94
00:03:38,079 --> 00:03:41,048
No, you're not weird.
95
00:03:41,082 --> 00:03:44,258
You're just...
incredibly unpopular.
96
00:03:44,293 --> 00:03:45,880
If you listen to me,
97
00:03:45,915 --> 00:03:49,125
I can make you the most
popular girl in the school.
98
00:03:49,159 --> 00:03:50,713
Wait, really?
Yeah.
99
00:03:50,747 --> 00:03:51,955
How?
100
00:03:51,990 --> 00:03:54,993
♪♪
101
00:03:55,027 --> 00:03:57,754
Yeah.
102
00:03:57,789 --> 00:04:00,067
Excuse me.
I won that on eBay.
103
00:04:00,101 --> 00:04:02,483
♪♪
104
00:04:02,518 --> 00:04:05,659
[ Grunting, Chuckles ]
Give it up.
105
00:04:05,693 --> 00:04:08,765
Sorry if I got glass
in your chili there.
106
00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:13,391
I will fill up them
bowls courtesy of...The Fatone.
107
00:04:13,425 --> 00:04:18,188
♪♪
108
00:04:24,781 --> 00:04:26,956
Are you serious
right now?
109
00:04:26,990 --> 00:04:30,304
Could you be any more obvious,
staring at Cody like that?
110
00:04:30,339 --> 00:04:31,271
[ Sputtering ]
Uhh...
111
00:04:31,305 --> 00:04:32,858
What a loser.
112
00:04:32,893 --> 00:04:34,584
No one likes you,
Lame-y.
113
00:04:34,619 --> 00:04:36,586
Hey, don't call her Lame-y.
114
00:04:36,621 --> 00:04:38,519
[ Gasps ]
Oh, my God.
115
00:04:38,554 --> 00:04:40,625
Are you Joey Fatone
from N'Sync?
116
00:04:40,659 --> 00:04:42,834
[ Laughs ] Yeah,
you're goddamn right I am.
117
00:04:42,868 --> 00:04:45,319
That's right.
Joey Fatone.
118
00:04:45,354 --> 00:04:47,666
Right here in this picture.
That's me. Purple tips.
119
00:04:47,701 --> 00:04:50,117
And I know
Justin Timberlake, too.
120
00:04:50,151 --> 00:04:51,429
Hey, Amy.
121
00:04:51,463 --> 00:04:53,983
♪♪
122
00:04:54,017 --> 00:04:57,607
Girl, I feel like
such a fool.
123
00:04:57,642 --> 00:04:59,368
You know what I'm saying?
124
00:04:59,402 --> 00:05:00,886
♪ I went and fell in love
125
00:05:00,921 --> 00:05:05,166
♪ With the most popular girl
in school, yeah ♪
126
00:05:05,201 --> 00:05:08,722
♪ But, Amy, when we made love
on the kitchen floor ♪
127
00:05:08,756 --> 00:05:10,033
♪ You had me --
128
00:05:10,068 --> 00:05:12,346
Joey Fatone,
famous singer from N'Sync.
129
00:05:12,381 --> 00:05:15,453
♪ Screaming for mooore
130
00:05:15,487 --> 00:05:17,800
♪ We made love one time
131
00:05:17,834 --> 00:05:19,560
♪ Two times
132
00:05:19,595 --> 00:05:21,873
♪ Baby you can bet the farm
133
00:05:21,907 --> 00:05:25,255
♪ That third time, ooh
134
00:05:25,290 --> 00:05:26,464
♪ Was a charm
135
00:05:26,498 --> 00:05:27,844
[ Click, music stops ]
136
00:05:27,879 --> 00:05:29,329
What are you doing?Come with me, please.
137
00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:30,744
I'm Joey Fatone.
I'm from N'Sync.
138
00:05:30,778 --> 00:05:32,021
I'm Joey Fatone
from N'Sync!
139
00:05:32,055 --> 00:05:33,367
I made love
to this little girl!
140
00:05:33,402 --> 00:05:36,094
Wow. Amy's boyfriend's
like 50 years old.
141
00:05:36,128 --> 00:05:38,752
And she had sex with him.Oh, gross.
142
00:05:38,786 --> 00:05:40,063
Slut! Slut! Slut!
143
00:05:40,098 --> 00:05:42,825
[ All chanting "slut" ][ Crying ]
144
00:05:42,859 --> 00:05:44,551
No. No. No. No.You ruined everything!
145
00:05:44,585 --> 00:05:47,001
No, boys love sluts!
It's good!
146
00:05:47,036 --> 00:05:49,349
Choose your sexuality!
Own your sexuality!
147
00:05:49,383 --> 00:05:51,074
[ Laughter ]
148
00:05:51,109 --> 00:05:53,663
[ Crying ]
149
00:05:53,698 --> 00:05:56,010
Okay, so, we had a slight
setback, but we could --
150
00:05:56,045 --> 00:05:57,943
Leave me alone!Amy, come on.
151
00:05:57,978 --> 00:06:01,119
I wish I'd never even
met you, Gary. Leave!
152
00:06:01,153 --> 00:06:03,121
[ Gags, coughs ]
153
00:06:03,155 --> 00:06:05,365
♪♪
154
00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:08,575
[ Crying ]
155
00:06:08,609 --> 00:06:10,439
[ Beeps ]
156
00:06:10,473 --> 00:06:13,959
♪♪
157
00:06:13,994 --> 00:06:16,237
Look, I didn't have sex
with any underage girl.
158
00:06:16,272 --> 00:06:18,032
I wasn't even in Oklahoma
on the day in the question.
159
00:06:18,067 --> 00:06:21,795
I made a promise to Amy
to help her get more popular,
160
00:06:21,829 --> 00:06:23,452
but, instead,
Amy is miserable,
161
00:06:23,486 --> 00:06:26,420
and I got Joey Fatone
arrested for statutoryrape --
162
00:06:26,455 --> 00:06:27,973
not even real rape!
163
00:06:28,008 --> 00:06:30,873
Been there. The middle-school
years are so awkward.
164
00:06:30,907 --> 00:06:35,049
That's why I like my boys...
"elementary, dear Watson."
165
00:06:35,084 --> 00:06:36,603
[ Laughing ]
166
00:06:36,637 --> 00:06:39,053
He turns everything
back to that.
167
00:06:39,088 --> 00:06:40,538
I've got it.
168
00:06:40,572 --> 00:06:42,781
Instead of making
Amy more popular,
169
00:06:42,816 --> 00:06:45,094
we make everybody else
less popular.
170
00:06:45,128 --> 00:06:47,476
Yeah, 'cause you're
way better at that.
171
00:06:47,510 --> 00:06:49,063
Thank you.
172
00:06:49,098 --> 00:06:50,893
Not really a compliment,
but okay.
173
00:06:50,927 --> 00:06:52,446
I'm taking it
as a compliment.
174
00:06:52,481 --> 00:06:55,484
Honey, do you want
to talk about Joey Fatone?
175
00:06:55,518 --> 00:06:57,071
Mom, I don't even know
who he is.
176
00:06:57,106 --> 00:06:58,901
Because he can go
straight to hell.
177
00:06:58,935 --> 00:07:00,420
Roger, please.
178
00:07:00,454 --> 00:07:03,284
Are you sure you don't want
to go to the big dance tonight?
179
00:07:03,319 --> 00:07:05,148
Not with Joey Fatone,
she won't.
180
00:07:05,183 --> 00:07:07,427
Boom! Amy O'Ryan,
you're under arrest.
181
00:07:07,461 --> 00:07:08,842
We found the drugs.
You in trouble.
182
00:07:08,876 --> 00:07:10,913
Now hold on here!
Do you have a warrant?
183
00:07:10,947 --> 00:07:12,604
Here's my warrant.[ Spray hisses ]
184
00:07:12,639 --> 00:07:14,261
[ Screaming ]
185
00:07:14,295 --> 00:07:16,470
Now, get up against the wall
and spread 'em, you...parents.
186
00:07:16,505 --> 00:07:18,817
[ Man sobbing ]Come on. Come on.
187
00:07:18,852 --> 00:07:20,819
Ow. You're
hurting me!
188
00:07:20,854 --> 00:07:22,269
Don't struggle.
189
00:07:22,303 --> 00:07:23,857
You don't want to mess up
your hair for the, uh...
190
00:07:23,891 --> 00:07:26,100
big dance.Gary!
191
00:07:26,135 --> 00:07:27,688
I told you
to leave me alone.
192
00:07:27,723 --> 00:07:29,518
Yeah, but now
I'm making up for it.
193
00:07:29,552 --> 00:07:31,451
I don't even have
a date.
194
00:07:31,485 --> 00:07:32,797
Oh, yes, you do.
195
00:07:32,831 --> 00:07:34,799
[ Muffled screaming ]
196
00:07:34,833 --> 00:07:36,766
You excited
to see Amy?
197
00:07:36,801 --> 00:07:42,289
♪♪
198
00:07:42,323 --> 00:07:43,324
Amy?
199
00:07:43,359 --> 00:07:45,672
Oh, Miranda,
I didn't see you there.
200
00:07:45,706 --> 00:07:47,881
How did you get Cody
to be your date?
201
00:07:47,915 --> 00:07:50,470
At gunpoint?[ Laughter ]
202
00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:52,989
What are you looking at,
you fat, bloated assface?
203
00:07:53,024 --> 00:07:55,026
I was just thinking
you're breaking out.
204
00:07:55,060 --> 00:07:57,615
You might want
to pop that.
205
00:07:57,649 --> 00:07:59,789
[ Crackling ]
206
00:07:59,824 --> 00:08:02,827
Oh, my...gosh.
207
00:08:02,861 --> 00:08:04,794
Attention!
Excuse me, ma'am.
208
00:08:04,829 --> 00:08:06,244
Attention,
everyone.
209
00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:09,316
As a lawful police officer,
it is my lawful duty
210
00:08:09,350 --> 00:08:11,007
to name the king and queen
of the prom.
211
00:08:11,042 --> 00:08:16,496
Your king and queen are...
Cody Moore and Amy O'Ryan!
212
00:08:16,530 --> 00:08:18,325
Congratulations, kids.
213
00:08:18,359 --> 00:08:21,086
I am so jealous of you
right now.
214
00:08:21,121 --> 00:08:22,812
And you are
a dreamboat.
215
00:08:22,847 --> 00:08:26,333
A little old for my taste.
Go get her.
216
00:08:26,367 --> 00:08:28,266
[ Blows gently ]
217
00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:31,683
♪♪
218
00:08:31,718 --> 00:08:34,548
[ Crackling ]
219
00:08:34,583 --> 00:08:36,170
What is happening?
220
00:08:36,205 --> 00:08:37,447
[ Scoffs ]
I'm so sorry.
221
00:08:37,482 --> 00:08:38,725
Please don't kill me.
222
00:08:38,759 --> 00:08:40,347
Now, as a police officer,
223
00:08:40,381 --> 00:08:43,177
I order the king and queen
to kiss each other.
224
00:08:43,212 --> 00:08:46,077
♪♪
225
00:08:46,111 --> 00:08:49,356
She's a witch! She's a witch,
and we all know it!
226
00:08:49,390 --> 00:08:51,669
[ Coughing, retches ]
227
00:08:51,703 --> 00:08:53,774
♪♪
228
00:08:53,809 --> 00:08:56,397
[ Girl screams ]
229
00:08:56,432 --> 00:09:01,955
♪♪
230
00:09:01,989 --> 00:09:03,681
What did you do?!
231
00:09:03,715 --> 00:09:06,028
I'm giving them all the plague.
This app is great.
232
00:09:06,062 --> 00:09:08,375
What's wrong with zits?
You're blowing this!
233
00:09:08,409 --> 00:09:10,688
I'm not the one who made them
fly up in the sky!
234
00:09:10,722 --> 00:09:12,206
Like that's
not a red flag?!
235
00:09:12,241 --> 00:09:14,381
I don't know when
they're gonna come down.
236
00:09:14,415 --> 00:09:16,556
[ Siren wails ]She's a witch!
237
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:18,696
Get her away from me!
She's a murderer!
238
00:09:18,730 --> 00:09:20,387
He's damaged.
239
00:09:20,421 --> 00:09:21,871
What the hell
do I tell her now?
240
00:09:21,906 --> 00:09:23,148
I mean,
well, technically,
241
00:09:23,183 --> 00:09:25,047
she is the most popular girl
in school.
242
00:09:25,081 --> 00:09:26,980
That's because all
the other girls are dead!
243
00:09:27,014 --> 00:09:28,395
Benji: Look!
She made a friend.
244
00:09:28,429 --> 00:09:31,467
Oh, she's popular
with the Goths!
245
00:09:31,501 --> 00:09:34,332
That is every
unpopular kid's plan "B."
246
00:09:34,366 --> 00:09:35,954
I did it!
247
00:09:35,989 --> 00:09:38,301
Hey, what's going on?
I hate to interrupt.
248
00:09:38,336 --> 00:09:40,994
Hail Satan.
Looks like my work here is done.
249
00:09:41,028 --> 00:09:43,065
I'll see you soon, BFF.
250
00:09:43,099 --> 00:09:45,170
Best friend forever!
251
00:09:47,656 --> 00:09:49,002
Okay.
252
00:09:49,036 --> 00:09:50,417
Too cool to acknowledge
my existence.
253
00:09:50,451 --> 00:09:53,178
That's cool.
Too cool to acknowledge me.
254
00:09:53,213 --> 00:09:54,939
Fine.
255
00:09:58,114 --> 00:09:59,426
So, in
the fourth quarter --
256
00:09:59,460 --> 00:10:00,910
[ Loudly clears throat ]
257
00:10:00,945 --> 00:10:02,636
Bagged and tagged her.
258
00:10:02,671 --> 00:10:05,950
Another soul for Satan's army,
if it does please thee?
259
00:10:05,984 --> 00:10:07,468
Hail him.
[ Chuckles ]
260
00:10:07,503 --> 00:10:09,919
Great, Gary. I'm sure you got
her parents' permission?
261
00:10:09,954 --> 00:10:11,334
What?
262
00:10:11,369 --> 00:10:14,130
Gary, in order for a minor
to sell their soul,
263
00:10:14,165 --> 00:10:15,994
they need written
parental permission...What?!
264
00:10:16,029 --> 00:10:17,962
...but I'm sure
you knew that.
265
00:10:17,996 --> 00:10:20,516
You asked us --
You asked us to go for tweens!
266
00:10:20,550 --> 00:10:23,761
What parent is gonna damn their
child to eternal damnation?!
267
00:10:23,795 --> 00:10:26,211
I don't -- I'm just asking
for some consistency!
268
00:10:26,246 --> 00:10:29,145
It's okay because I owe Gary
a debt of gratitude,
269
00:10:29,180 --> 00:10:30,526
because he has brought me
some new demons
270
00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:33,702
that are masters
at psychological torture.
271
00:10:33,736 --> 00:10:36,014
Come on in, girls!
272
00:10:37,706 --> 00:10:40,674
God, this office is
sooutdated.
273
00:10:40,709 --> 00:10:42,158
You can't afford
new furniture?
274
00:10:42,193 --> 00:10:44,678
[ Laughs ]Wow. Nice glasses.
275
00:10:44,713 --> 00:10:46,300
Did your mom get those
from the trash can
276
00:10:46,335 --> 00:10:48,682
that you were born in?[ Gasps ]
277
00:10:48,717 --> 00:10:51,064
Serial killer.
278
00:10:51,098 --> 00:10:52,859
Did you eat your hair?
279
00:10:52,893 --> 00:10:54,515
Hey, Gollum,
you ever find the ring?
280
00:10:54,550 --> 00:10:58,485
Look, it's Edward Stupidhands.
Johnny Derp.
281
00:10:58,519 --> 00:11:01,039
Wow, you must be
Grumpy Cat's grandfather.
282
00:11:01,074 --> 00:11:04,008
You're not even
worth insulting.
283
00:11:04,042 --> 00:11:06,217
You're like
an unfunny Jim Gaffigan.
284
00:11:06,251 --> 00:11:08,391
Okay, that's not --
that's not funny.
285
00:11:08,426 --> 00:11:11,187
You're like uh...an unfamous,
poor man's Seth Rogen.
286
00:11:11,222 --> 00:11:12,672
I don't, I --
That is not funny.
287
00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:14,328
That is below the belt.
And that's inappropriate.
288
00:11:14,363 --> 00:11:16,468
-Zach Gala-fatass.
-I feel like this should stop.
20251
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