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1
00:00:02,170 --> 00:00:04,372
[ "Deck the halls" playing ]
2
00:00:06,907 --> 00:00:07,975
Hey, claude!
3
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,543
Come check this out.
4
00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:12,646
What is all this?
5
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:13,981
Is that a stocking?
6
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:16,850
I made it for satan.
It's out of vc's belly meat.
7
00:00:16,884 --> 00:00:18,086
Vc, you ready?
8
00:00:18,286 --> 00:00:19,753
[ screaming ]
9
00:00:19,787 --> 00:00:21,822
* we wish you
A merry christmas *
10
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,891
You see it?
* we wish you
A merry christmas *
11
00:00:23,924 --> 00:00:25,759
* we wish you a merry christmas
And a happy new year *
12
00:00:25,793 --> 00:00:27,895
You do realize
That this holiday
13
00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:30,564
Celebrates the birth
Of satan's sworn enemy.
14
00:00:30,598 --> 00:00:31,999
It's all right, claude.
15
00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,867
Christmas has become
So commercialized
16
00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:35,703
That jesus doesn't even
Get the credit anymore.
17
00:00:35,736 --> 00:00:37,238
Yeah, we got his ass.
18
00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:40,241
But back when I had krampus
Coming to town
19
00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:42,510
With his rusty bells
And chains
20
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:45,179
And the look of fear
On the kids' faces --
21
00:00:45,213 --> 00:00:46,914
That's the holidays.
22
00:00:46,947 --> 00:00:48,749
-who's krampus?
-friend of mine.
23
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:51,385
We used to hang out in
Eastern europe in the 1800s.
24
00:00:51,419 --> 00:00:52,520
Here, I got some pictures.
Take a look.
25
00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:54,021
-hmm.
-krampus was intense.
26
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:56,524
Let me tell you.
That guy was insane.
27
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:59,059
I'd love to see these
Helicopter parents today
28
00:00:59,093 --> 00:01:00,528
If krampus was to
29
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,863
Stuff their little brats
Into his drowning tub.
30
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:03,731
Ugh!
31
00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:06,134
So he drowns
The children?
32
00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:08,035
No, not all of 'em.
See, that's krampus.
33
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:10,738
You know, it's like, no, maybe
He'll just hit them with a shoe
34
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:12,406
Or he'll put them
In his gypsy cart.
35
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:14,308
You never see 'em again.
You don't know with this guy.
36
00:01:14,342 --> 00:01:17,445
I'm loving this idea, claude,
Of bringing krampus back.
37
00:01:17,478 --> 00:01:18,779
You guys
Go get krampus back.
38
00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:20,648
Guten krampus nacht!
39
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:22,916
Guten krampus nacht, vc!
40
00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:26,454
Guten krampus nacht,
Everyone!
* now bring us
Some figgy pudding *
41
00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:34,262
[ wind whistling ]
42
00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:43,937
[ screaming ]
43
00:01:43,971 --> 00:01:45,239
No!
44
00:01:45,273 --> 00:01:46,774
No!
45
00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:47,841
No!
46
00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:49,943
[ groaning ]
47
00:01:51,011 --> 00:01:52,112
Are you krampus?
48
00:01:52,146 --> 00:01:54,682
[ german accent ]
No. I'm gumphanickel.
49
00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:56,584
You're looking for
My dad.
50
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:59,820
**
51
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:09,163
[ horn sounding ]
52
00:02:09,197 --> 00:02:12,800
Would you like to try
And blow the horn?
53
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:15,269
Your lips have been on it,
So I don't...
54
00:02:15,303 --> 00:02:17,838
[ german accent ]
When I press the tv button,
55
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:21,809
It's broken
'cause the volume goes away.
56
00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:24,612
And then I press it again
And the volume goes back.
57
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,180
Right,
That's the mute button.
58
00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:29,016
Close the door.
59
00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:32,486
I'm not paying to
Heat the whole outdoors.
60
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,688
Hey, claude,
How did you beat me here?
61
00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:37,225
Did you teleport to
The bottom of the mountain?
62
00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:38,892
Are you that stupid?
63
00:02:38,926 --> 00:02:40,461
[ sarcastically ]
Oh, yeah.
64
00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:42,129
Oh, yeah, I teleported
To the bottom of the mountain
65
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:44,798
And then I climbed
All the way up just to get here,
66
00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:46,166
And then
I nearly lost my balls
67
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,536
Because
I "Made my harness too tight."
68
00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:51,672
Are you saying what you actually
Did, but in a sarcastic voice?
69
00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:53,807
-yes.
-as I was saying,
70
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:56,477
We want to bring krampus
To america big-time.
71
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:57,811
No, no.
72
00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:00,047
Krampus is retired.
73
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:03,484
I haven't made a naughty list
In over 20 years.
74
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:07,521
I tried to get gumphanickel
To follow in my footsteps.
75
00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:11,859
This one isn't interested
Unless it's a horn to carve.
76
00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:14,662
They warn the villagers
Of avalanches!
77
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:18,065
They cause avalanches,
Gumphanickel!
78
00:03:18,098 --> 00:03:21,168
Why do you think
That the horn blast happens
79
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:22,936
And then the snow falls?!
80
00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:26,507
Are you trying to warn them
In the future?
81
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,008
Kids today.
82
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:31,011
Every time they fart,
They get a trophy.
83
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:32,513
When they got rid of
Spanking,
84
00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:36,016
That's when the whole world
Went down the crapper.
85
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:37,685
And satan
Agrees with you.
86
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:42,523
Satan needs me to
Keep the children in line.
87
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,358
The ones that are left.
88
00:03:44,392 --> 00:03:46,594
Mmm!
89
00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:50,130
[ giggles ]
90
00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:51,265
So, what do you say?
91
00:03:51,299 --> 00:03:53,767
Are you interested in
Working with us on this?
92
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,605
Fetch my drowning tub.
93
00:03:57,638 --> 00:03:59,707
Krampus is back!
94
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:00,774
[ giggles ]
95
00:04:00,808 --> 00:04:02,310
-great.
-great.
96
00:04:02,343 --> 00:04:03,544
I don't like the dance,
97
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,713
But I appreciate
Why you're doing it.
98
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:08,949
**
99
00:04:18,526 --> 00:04:19,893
Oh, thank goodness.
100
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,895
Santa has a second workshop!
101
00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:23,464
The other one's
Really swamped.
102
00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:26,934
For $24.99, you can get a
Package that includes an 8x10.
103
00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:29,069
We just want to see santa.
Right, ethan?
104
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:30,671
Okay. Go on.
Go see santa.
105
00:04:30,704 --> 00:04:32,640
Hey, ethan.
Smile big for mommy.
106
00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:34,107
You're just gonna
Lie to my face
107
00:04:34,141 --> 00:04:37,578
And stand here and take pictures
With your cellphone?
108
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,980
In you go.
109
00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:43,083
Hello,
Ethan rakestraw.
110
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,586
How do you know
My last name?
111
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:49,823
I know everything about you,
Young ethan.
112
00:04:49,857 --> 00:04:51,258
Come here.
113
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:55,696
Sit on my bony,
Mite-covered lap.
114
00:04:55,729 --> 00:04:59,967
I know that
You pee in the shower,
115
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:04,505
And I know that
You broke your sister's ipad,
116
00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:09,276
And you said it fell.
117
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,945
Close the shed!
118
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:15,182
Close the shed!
119
00:05:15,215 --> 00:05:16,484
Mommy!
120
00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:18,218
You closed the door.
I can't see my son anymore.
121
00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:20,287
If you pay for the package,
You can get a video
122
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,689
And you'll see everything
Going on in there.
123
00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:23,023
Why can't you just
Leave the door open?
124
00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:24,792
-it's gonna freak you out.
-it's gonna what?
125
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:27,160
[ giggles ]
126
00:05:27,194 --> 00:05:29,897
Oh, no, no, no.
Krampus is feeling tired.
127
00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:32,065
Wait.
Wait, ethan.
128
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:37,204
Take a ruten bundle to remind
You that I am always there.
129
00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:38,406
Always watching.
130
00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:40,874
Okay, ethan. We're gonna
Go say hi to your mom, okay?
131
00:05:40,908 --> 00:05:42,576
-mommy!
-ethan?!
132
00:05:42,610 --> 00:05:44,011
Come here!
Come here, baby.
133
00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:46,514
It's too late for ethan.
134
00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:48,649
He's on the list.
135
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:52,152
He's on the list!
[ giggles ]
136
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:54,154
That's the first kid today.
137
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:56,089
Where are all the children?
I thought...
138
00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:59,026
It's been
A bit of a hard sell.
139
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:04,331
Um, did y'all get a permit
To put up this shed?
140
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:05,766
I don't think we did.
141
00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:08,469
[ krampus giggling ]
142
00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:15,743
You mean to tell me
A kid lies one time
143
00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:17,077
And then
He is put to death?
144
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:19,713
That is not a way
To teach anybody anything.
145
00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:20,881
I can't believe
We actually have to
146
00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:23,851
Abduct all these kids
Tonight.
147
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,686
Jonas slocum?
148
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,354
That's my step-nephew!
149
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,389
[ giggles ]
150
00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:31,525
Ohh...
151
00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:34,094
Bring the list!
152
00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:37,565
Bring the list!
[ giggles ]
153
00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:40,834
**
154
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:46,707
Do you think
If I leave out the entire pie,
155
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:47,875
That santa will bring me
156
00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:50,478
A knights of nebulon
Pocket marauder?
157
00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:52,279
Oh, kiddo, listen.
158
00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:55,816
Hey, your mom's not a real big
Fan of the knights of nebulon.
159
00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:58,051
Or their war toys.
160
00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:00,721
Maybe santa can
Make an exception for...
161
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:02,322
No, geoff.
162
00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:05,993
Santa reads the studies and
He knows there's a direct link
163
00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:09,329
Between fantasy violence
And aggression in adults.
164
00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:13,100
I promise
I won't be an aggressive adult.
165
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:15,503
I wish that were true.
166
00:07:15,536 --> 00:07:17,270
It's time to
Hit the sack.
167
00:07:17,304 --> 00:07:20,908
Oh, you'll hit the sack,
All right.
168
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:23,977
My burlap sack!
[ giggles ]
169
00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:26,079
Can we agree
That it's a coincidence
170
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,916
That the first person we're
Visiting is gary's step-nephew?
171
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,150
Yeah, it seems weird.
172
00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:32,520
We pulled names
Out of a hat.
173
00:07:32,553 --> 00:07:34,788
It's "Go" time.
174
00:07:34,822 --> 00:07:36,990
Help me
With my rusty bells.
175
00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:39,259
How about we just swat him
With the shoe this time?
176
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:41,495
Just give him a couple of
Swippity-swaps with the shoe,
177
00:07:41,529 --> 00:07:42,996
And that will show him
Who's boss.
178
00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:46,667
Young jonas
Looked very plump tonight.
179
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:49,937
I bet
The meat is marbled.
180
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:52,773
[ giggles ]
181
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:55,275
Fill the tub, minions!
182
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:56,877
We're gonna wait
Until we get inside,
183
00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:58,311
'cause we're gonna have to
Turn it sideways
184
00:07:58,345 --> 00:07:59,780
To get it
Through the door.
185
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:01,615
What should I do?
186
00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:02,983
Here.
187
00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:04,685
I keep one of these around
For emergencies.
188
00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:06,386
What are you doing?!
189
00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:09,523
So, you want me to,
Like, shoot krampus?
190
00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:11,358
Do you want to save
Your step-nephew or not?
191
00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:14,361
I mean, how many times a year
Do I really see him?
192
00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:17,230
Let's just see
If he uses the shoe first.
193
00:08:17,264 --> 00:08:18,832
All right, fine.
I really don't care.
194
00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:20,233
Just grab your end.
Let's hurry up.
195
00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:22,870
Bap! Bap!
Got your ass, bitch!
196
00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:24,705
Bap, bap!
197
00:08:24,738 --> 00:08:26,006
All right,
Let's do this.
198
00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:28,041
[ krampus giggling ]
I'm coming, buddy!
199
00:08:28,075 --> 00:08:29,910
All right.
200
00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:38,485
You in there?!
201
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:41,254
[ krampus giggling ]
202
00:08:41,288 --> 00:08:43,156
Aw, man.
The cart's gone.
203
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:45,525
Krampus kidnapped jonas.
204
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:48,596
Give me back my son!
205
00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:51,164
Claude, look -- more ruten.
Follow the ruten!
206
00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:54,001
What's he doing
Back at the mall?
207
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,502
What if he's still alive
But krampus
208
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,004
Just has eaten
Both of his feet?
209
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,438
What am I gonna
Tell his dad then?
210
00:08:58,471 --> 00:09:00,708
Look.
211
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:02,109
You're under arrest!
212
00:09:02,142 --> 00:09:05,045
[ giggling ]
213
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:06,914
Jonas, jonas, you okay?
You got both eyes?
214
00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:08,181
You got your fingers?
215
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:10,183
Jonas,
Did the hairy man bite you?
216
00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:13,186
Uncle gary?
I thought you were dead.
217
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:16,289
What I'm gonna need you to do
Is not tell your dad
218
00:09:16,323 --> 00:09:18,525
A single thing about this,
Okay, big guy?
219
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:22,395
I want a knights of nebulon
Pocket marauder.
220
00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:23,697
All right,
Let me get, like,
221
00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:26,533
A trash can
To bash in this window.
222
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,535
The blade
Is not sharpened...
Can I help you, sir?
223
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:29,870
...Tonight, we dine on
The succulent meat of the...
224
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,471
He said he was tired
225
00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:36,043
And he wanted to get
His alcohol beer and go home.
226
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,544
Claude,
That's not his home.
227
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,212
So we'll chop you
Into little...
228
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:40,547
Claude:
This is embarrassing.
229
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,916
He used to be able to
Eat thousands of children
230
00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:45,485
-in one night.
-I will sue you so hard!
231
00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:46,920
Should we be doing
Something about this?
232
00:09:46,954 --> 00:09:48,956
I mean...
Let's just get out of here.
233
00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:50,223
-let's bail.
-you're hurting me!
234
00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:51,591
You're hurting me!
235
00:09:51,625 --> 00:09:54,161
Well, you're not
Doing me any good, either.
236
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:56,830
We had a list
With thousands of kids' names.
237
00:09:56,864 --> 00:09:58,231
Thousands of names.
238
00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:00,968
Are you telling me that
He didn't drown one kid?
239
00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:03,603
In all fairness, each one of
Those kids got hit with a shoe.
240
00:10:03,637 --> 00:10:07,574
We beat each one of those kids
With a full-on shoe tornado.
241
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:08,642
Interesting.
242
00:10:08,676 --> 00:10:10,744
Was that before or after
Krampus went to jail
243
00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:13,446
For assaulting a security guard
With a giant novelty ax?
244
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,582
Just get him back to the castle,
All right?
245
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,751
And shut this thing down.
Shut the whole thing down!
246
00:10:17,785 --> 00:10:20,854
This is the last time I'm
Taking one of your dumb ideas.
247
00:10:20,888 --> 00:10:22,022
Seems like
It was your idea.
248
00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:24,057
What was that, gar?
249
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:29,429
They said I am to be sentenced
On the 17th.
250
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:30,831
Yeah, you don't have to
Worry about that.
251
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:33,300
We're not gonna be coming back
For that court date.
252
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:35,669
I got a whole vanload
Of gamer kids
253
00:10:35,703 --> 00:10:38,038
Just swollen with mountain dew,
Like, right over there.
254
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:39,639
So come on. Let's go.
[ giggles ]
255
00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:40,774
Yeah, yeah.
256
00:10:40,808 --> 00:10:41,809
They're right in there.
257
00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:42,976
Just way in the back.
258
00:10:43,010 --> 00:10:44,978
Gumphanickel, you lied!
259
00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:47,347
Get in there!
260
00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:48,481
[ engine turns over ]
261
00:10:48,515 --> 00:10:50,383
Go, go, go!
Burn it!
262
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,887
[ gasps ]
Look, daddy! Look, mommy!
263
00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:55,322
Look what
Santa got me!
264
00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:57,190
I got it, I got it!
265
00:10:57,224 --> 00:10:58,692
I told you no,
Geoff.
266
00:10:58,726 --> 00:10:59,827
I didn't buy it.
267
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:01,461
Pow, pow!
Ch-ch!
268
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:04,297
I killed you, mommy!
I killed you, daddy! Ch-ch!
269
00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:06,133
I guess it's some kind of
Christmas miracle, huh, geoff?
270
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,968
Pow, pow!
I killed you!
271
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,037
Pow!
You're dead, mommy!
272
00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:11,638
Maybe it is a miracle.
273
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,606
I killed everyone!
19534
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