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MUSIC: Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger
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I'm not sick but I'm not well
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And I'm so hot
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Cos I'm in hell
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Mmm.
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Jeremy, what are you doing?
7
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It's Toni. She's rummaging.
I'm watching her rummage.
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God, do you know what? I think I love her.
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You love her? What do you love about her?
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Mmm... everything.
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Her... vibe.
Oh, God, why does the world have to be so wrong?
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Come on, Jez! You don't love her.
You're just jealous cos her husband's back.
13
00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:48,738
There's only so much happiness in the world
and they're hoarding it all.
14
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:52,093
- That's not how happiness works.
- 'It completely is.'
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Yeah, what would you know
about love or happiness?
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'What do I know about love and happiness?
I know you have to play dirty, my friend.
17
00:01:02,984 --> 00:01:05,021
'Just can't seem to crack it.
18
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:09,138
'Got to go!
Can't believe Personnel issued happy hats.
19
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'Johnson's our new boss.
Course we're going to be happy.'
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I'd like to thank everyone
for such a warm welcome...
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00:01:15,667 --> 00:01:18,739
'Maybe I should stop
trying to break into her e-mail.
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00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:23,543
'Just have a nice big talk to Sophie.
A proper chat. Really get down to it.'
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this department needs a kick up the
arse so hard my foot'll go up your digestive tract
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and wiggle out your mouth
like a little leather tongue.
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'Yeah, fuck carrot and stick.
He's making the stick out of carrot.
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'Jesus, he's good.
Careful, there's man love and there's business love
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'and never the twain shall meet.
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'OK, Sophie. Here goes.
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'No running away,
just stay here and let it all flood out.'
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Hey, Mark! How's it hanging?
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OK, thanks.
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00:01:50,352 --> 00:01:54,505
Sophie, I was wondering...
I was hoping that we could have a chat.
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A proper chat.
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Oh. Yeah.
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Yeah. So...
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Tell me,
what was the name of your first childhood pet?
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Gerbil the gerbil.
MUSIC: Dancing In The Moonlight by Toploader
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I love this song! Why?
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00:02:12,836 --> 00:02:15,396
Oh, Jeremy and I were having a bet.
40
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Only wine gums,
but it makes the evenings go a bit quicker.
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Oh. So, did you want to dance?
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I can't, really, it's not...
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Hi, Soph. You dancing?
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Oh, you betcha!
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00:02:26,558 --> 00:02:29,312
'Yeah, you won't be so cocky, Jeff,
46
00:02:29,359 --> 00:02:33,511
'when I come into the office with a Kalashnikov
and 200 rounds of ammunition.
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00:02:33,559 --> 00:02:37,792
'I'm probably exactly the sort of person
who could end up doing something like that.
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00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:40,513
'Come on, gerbil!
49
00:02:41,041 --> 00:02:45,353
'Ah, cock-knobs!
All right, what's her favourite TV show?
50
00:02:45,401 --> 00:02:48,360
'Sex And The City. S-A-T-C.
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00:02:50,002 --> 00:02:53,200
'Bollocks.
Maybe she thinks it's Sex In The City.
52
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'Yes! I'm in! Bollocks to emoting,
I've got my hands on her innards!
53
00:02:58,403 --> 00:03:02,113
'Hello, "Mark vs Jeff". This I have to see.
54
00:03:02,324 --> 00:03:06,523
'Blah, blah, "Jeff's a laugh,
but he can be an arsehole, but I do fancy him.
55
00:03:06,565 --> 00:03:12,198
"'Mark's clever and funny, but he's so serious.
I wish we could just be mates for a while
56
00:03:12,246 --> 00:03:14,999
"'but he's so uptight." OK.'
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00:03:16,766 --> 00:03:17,756
Hey, Soph!
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Hey, Mark!
So, you wanted to have a big chat and everything?
59
00:03:20,607 --> 00:03:22,484
Yeah, we could do, but then,
60
00:03:22,527 --> 00:03:27,044
why be so serious and uptight all the time?
We should relax, do matey things, yeah?
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00:03:27,088 --> 00:03:27,998
Absolutely.
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Like... a movie. A movie on a wet Saturday.
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00:03:32,209 --> 00:03:33,608
That's what mates do, right?
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00:03:33,649 --> 00:03:38,041
Sure. Or what about a dance class? If you think
you can face it you can come to my dance class!
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Dancing? Yes, dancing, I love dancing.
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00:03:41,691 --> 00:03:46,128
'Because it makes me look like a coma victim
being stood up and zapped with a cattle prod.'
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MUSIC: "Bitch" by Meredith Brook
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00:03:52,172 --> 00:03:55,848
How about biscotti?
Jeremy, would you like some biscotti?
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00:03:55,893 --> 00:03:58,407
Er... sure.
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I'll get them.
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00:04:06,535 --> 00:04:09,845
So, have you heard?
Brand New Heavies are releasing a new album.
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00:04:09,895 --> 00:04:14,651
Toni, I love you.
I can't hold it in, I absolutely fucking love you.
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00:04:14,696 --> 00:04:17,164
Jeremy, what are you... Really?
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00:04:19,937 --> 00:04:22,246
I was just telling Jeremy
about the Brand New Heavies' new album.
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00:04:22,297 --> 00:04:26,610
Yeah. That's something to look forward to, isn't it?
76
00:04:26,658 --> 00:04:29,570
I'd like a ginger nut, if there are any.
77
00:04:30,579 --> 00:04:32,934
Yeah, I think there are some.
78
00:04:36,340 --> 00:04:37,853
I love you, I love you,
I love you, I love you, I love you.
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Jeremy...
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God, you're so... I mean...
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00:04:44,741 --> 00:04:50,180
- What's going on?
- Tony... Jeremy loves me.
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Um, no, I didn't actually...
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00:04:53,462 --> 00:04:58,378
Of course you do.
You're a moth, sucked in by the light.
84
00:04:58,423 --> 00:05:03,418
I've been banging my head for 15 years
against that beautiful light bulb
85
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and I wouldn't change a day.
86
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... and don't try to save me
87
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I'm a bitch, I'm a lover...
88
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She's the beautiful poison, my friend.
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'God, this is such a mess.
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'It's fantastic.'
91
00:05:25,708 --> 00:05:28,620
This is the best thing for you, mate.
Take your mind off it.
92
00:05:28,668 --> 00:05:33,299
Maybe I should send her a bit of ear. Or a finger.
Just to show I'm really serious.
93
00:05:33,349 --> 00:05:36,945
Hi, guys! There's a changing room round there
if you want to...
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00:05:36,990 --> 00:05:41,745
Um, I thought these would be...
This is salsa, isn't it?
95
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No. Oh, no, salsa's on Tuesdays.
This is Rainbow Rhythms.
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It's quite full-on.
Mark, are you all right with that?
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Me?
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00:05:52,312 --> 00:05:55,146
Totally... This looks...
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00:05:57,953 --> 00:05:59,784
cool.
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00:05:59,833 --> 00:06:03,190
'I've walked
into my own personal nightmare.
101
00:06:03,234 --> 00:06:05,953
'Must remain non-uptight for Sophie
102
00:06:05,994 --> 00:06:10,068
'even if they make me play trust exercises
with their genitals.'
103
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OK, so now...
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we move into... red,
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the colour of primal urges.
106
00:06:24,157 --> 00:06:26,433
'Jesus. Mark's such a honky.
107
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'I'm definitely the alpha-est male here.
108
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'He's probably here for community service.
109
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'He looks like he's actually getting a bonk on.
110
00:06:35,119 --> 00:06:37,759
'I'm definitely king of the hippy jungle.'
111
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Take a partner.
112
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And with that partner,
let the music take you into your primal self.
113
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'Jesus Christ! She must be a tranny.
114
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'She's no tranny! '
115
00:06:54,402 --> 00:06:59,397
'I'm not really here, it's research.
I'm Louis Theroux. I'm Louis Theroux.
116
00:06:59,443 --> 00:07:01,832
'Hey! No fair, that's my fun!
117
00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:06,315
'Got to get in there.'
118
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Look, can you please just get out of my way?
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Thank you.
120
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Hey, Soph!
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I came with her.
122
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- It's really hot! Fancy ducking out for a while?
- We're right in the middle.
123
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He-hey!
124
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'Is this it?
Is this what my granddad died for?
125
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'The freedom to do this? Jesus! '
126
00:07:33,329 --> 00:07:36,924
So, how did we all experience the class?
127
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Well, um...
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I felt a lot of stuff to do with rejection
coming up for me tonight.
129
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Um, I was dancing with someone
130
00:07:48,011 --> 00:07:51,971
and they made it very clear
that they didn't want to be with me.
131
00:07:52,012 --> 00:07:55,561
Er, and it just...
brought up a lot of feelings.
132
00:07:56,613 --> 00:07:58,808
That's all. Thanks.
133
00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:02,642
Yeah, there was a lot of new energy
in the room tonight
134
00:08:02,694 --> 00:08:05,606
and some of it was just so Rainbow Rhythms,
135
00:08:05,654 --> 00:08:10,729
and some of it was just
so not Rainbow Rhythms. Thanks.
136
00:08:10,775 --> 00:08:15,531
Why don't you just say who you're talking about?
You're talking about me, aren't you?
137
00:08:15,576 --> 00:08:17,646
Well, yes, all right, I am.
138
00:08:17,696 --> 00:08:21,326
Well, listen. I'm sorry if I didn't do it right
139
00:08:21,377 --> 00:08:23,732
and I'm sorry if you assume
140
00:08:23,777 --> 00:08:27,134
that I eat red meat and don't necessarily think
141
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money or Tony Blair are a bad thing,
142
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but if there isn't room here
143
00:08:32,218 --> 00:08:35,973
for people who stand
against everything you believe in,
144
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then what sort of a hippy free-for-all is this?
145
00:08:43,380 --> 00:08:45,292
'I can't believe yesterday morning
146
00:08:45,341 --> 00:08:48,731
'I was trying to jerk off
to Toni's answerphone message
147
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'and this morning... '
148
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Oh, Jesus!
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Oh, Jesus. Oh, Jesus!
150
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Oh, Jesus, thank you for this experience!
151
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Yeah... Thanks, Jesus.
152
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OK, now... stop.
153
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What?
154
00:09:06,144 --> 00:09:09,136
Don't... move a muscle.
155
00:09:09,184 --> 00:09:12,780
Now we hold... this moment... for as long...
156
00:09:12,825 --> 00:09:14,816
as we can...
157
00:09:16,026 --> 00:09:18,938
in total... silence.
158
00:09:29,148 --> 00:09:32,823
- Jeremy!
- Go... away!
159
00:09:32,868 --> 00:09:37,420
No, Jez. Look, we've discussed this.
Early in morning counts as late at night
160
00:09:37,469 --> 00:09:39,699
and we agreed no reggae music late at night, so...
161
00:09:39,749 --> 00:09:41,945
What?
162
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Oh, for God's sake, Jeremy.
I can't talk to you with... that.
163
00:09:46,431 --> 00:09:49,468
Oh, for God's sake, Mark,
we've both got one, haven't we?
164
00:09:50,031 --> 00:09:53,388
Look, Jez, can you please just keep it quiet?
165
00:09:53,432 --> 00:09:55,707
Some of us have jobs to go to.
166
00:09:55,752 --> 00:09:59,268
Mark, your job is going to the office.
My job is having sex.
167
00:09:59,313 --> 00:10:03,272
Yeah? That's what I do now.
That's what I am. I'm a sexer. OK?
168
00:10:03,313 --> 00:10:05,703
Sorry, Mark, did we wake you?
169
00:10:05,754 --> 00:10:08,314
We were both coming so hard
we didn't notice the volume.
170
00:10:08,354 --> 00:10:11,347
An explanation. Finally.
171
00:10:11,395 --> 00:10:13,704
Thank you, Nancy.
172
00:10:13,755 --> 00:10:16,270
Thanks for the explanation.
173
00:10:19,076 --> 00:10:20,987
'OK, so, dance class.
174
00:10:21,196 --> 00:10:25,713
'Ali-kazoo, ali-kazam,
let's find out just how fucked I am.
175
00:10:26,597 --> 00:10:31,718
'OK, here we go. "And last night
Mark was a bit weird." Fair comment.
176
00:10:31,758 --> 00:10:35,115
"'He didn't really get it." What's to get?
177
00:10:35,159 --> 00:10:38,231
"'But, shit! He came,
so that was pretty amazing." OK!
178
00:10:38,279 --> 00:10:41,511
"'Had dinner with Jeff later." Ooh, naughty.
179
00:10:41,560 --> 00:10:44,120
"'Gave him a kiss, but not sure.
He can be so pushy."
180
00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:49,838
'He kissed her?! I've got to make a move!
Maybe I should try tapping her phone.'
181
00:10:51,281 --> 00:10:54,433
'Hope they're not doing it in the hall.
182
00:10:54,482 --> 00:10:57,076
'There's nothing erotic about a hall, is there? '
183
00:10:57,122 --> 00:11:00,593
Hello? I'm coming in now!
This is me coming into my house!
184
00:11:00,643 --> 00:11:04,352
- Hi, Mark.
- All right, Jez. Is Nancy around?
185
00:11:04,403 --> 00:11:08,158
- Just gone. I'm seeing her down the Rhythms.
- Right, OK.
186
00:11:09,324 --> 00:11:11,919
Jez, why's the chair? And...
187
00:11:11,965 --> 00:11:14,081
what's all this strawberry?
188
00:11:14,125 --> 00:11:18,756
And... my... yogurt?
Jez, what's happened to my Muller?
189
00:11:18,806 --> 00:11:24,279
Oh, no, you haven't, have you? You haven't
been sexing it up in here with my yogurt?
190
00:11:24,327 --> 00:11:28,036
Relax, Mark, it's all right.
We were just feeling very... horny.
191
00:11:28,087 --> 00:11:31,842
I don't want to know! OK?
I don't want to hear about it!
192
00:11:31,888 --> 00:11:36,724
And I don't want it using up all my yogurt
and... bloody... shower gel?!
193
00:11:36,769 --> 00:11:40,603
Mark, I'm just in a very erotic
relationship right now. I mean,
194
00:11:40,649 --> 00:11:44,359
we're systematically breaking down
all of society's taboos.
195
00:11:44,410 --> 00:11:50,168
Right. And love? Romance?
I mean, is there any romance in any of this at all?
196
00:11:50,211 --> 00:11:52,327
Who needs romance
when you're doing it up the bum?
197
00:11:52,371 --> 00:11:55,330
Exactly. Exactly my point.
198
00:11:55,372 --> 00:11:57,761
I mean, if you've actually done... that,
199
00:11:57,812 --> 00:12:01,169
which, by the way,
I can see no point whatsoever in myself...
200
00:12:01,213 --> 00:12:04,523
- You'd love to try it.
- I honestly would not!
201
00:12:04,573 --> 00:12:08,169
What is this modern obsession with... that?
202
00:12:08,214 --> 00:12:10,682
Look, Jez, what I'm trying to say is,
203
00:12:10,734 --> 00:12:14,444
so, for better, for worse, the '60s happened,
204
00:12:14,495 --> 00:12:16,929
and now sex is fine.
205
00:12:16,975 --> 00:12:19,536
But can't we take the best of that,
206
00:12:19,576 --> 00:12:23,934
the nice music, the colours,
the "I have a dream", etc,
207
00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:27,572
but not have to face the... squalor?
208
00:12:27,617 --> 00:12:30,257
Er, you might want to give that
209
00:12:30,298 --> 00:12:32,812
a bit of a rinse, actually, mate.
210
00:12:34,178 --> 00:12:36,409
Do I really have to do this?
211
00:12:36,459 --> 00:12:38,927
What are you afraid of, Jeremy?
212
00:12:40,419 --> 00:12:41,613
All done.
213
00:12:41,659 --> 00:12:45,858
I dunno, it just feels almost... wrong.
214
00:12:45,900 --> 00:12:51,658
We're breaking a taboo, of course it feels wrong.
We've got boundaries to smash, Jeremy.
215
00:12:51,701 --> 00:12:55,775
It's our duty to God, Shiva, NASDAQ,
whatever you wanna call him.
216
00:12:55,822 --> 00:12:59,212
But are you sure this isn't... racist?
217
00:12:59,262 --> 00:13:04,018
Jeremy, I come from America.
I've seen the problems race brings up.
218
00:13:05,783 --> 00:13:07,979
Now fuck me and pretend I'm your mom!
219
00:13:08,024 --> 00:13:10,219
What? Why?
220
00:13:10,264 --> 00:13:15,100
You can't imagine your mom having sex
with a black man? That's pretty racist, Jeremy.
221
00:13:15,145 --> 00:13:17,818
It's not that, it's just... Mum?
222
00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:20,300
Really?
223
00:13:20,346 --> 00:13:23,782
Mummy? I... I'm sorry, Nancy, I can't do it.
224
00:13:23,826 --> 00:13:26,421
I'm not... getting anything.
225
00:13:26,467 --> 00:13:28,742
I'm sorry. I just can't.
226
00:13:45,750 --> 00:13:48,139
'I wonder which of my treasured
possessions
227
00:13:48,190 --> 00:13:49,988
'they'll be putting in each other's anuses tonight? '
228
00:13:50,031 --> 00:13:52,306
'God, she's amazing.
229
00:13:52,351 --> 00:13:56,345
'Got to keep her interested.
Prove I can breaking taboos. But what?
230
00:13:56,392 --> 00:13:58,701
'Take a crap on the floor? No.'
231
00:13:58,752 --> 00:14:01,027
Hi, honey, I managed to make it!
232
00:14:01,073 --> 00:14:03,268
Oh. Brilliant.
233
00:14:03,473 --> 00:14:06,783
Tony and I talked it all through,
the whole horrible situation.
234
00:14:06,833 --> 00:14:10,349
- What situation?
- You being in love with me!
235
00:14:10,394 --> 00:14:12,908
Oh, right. Yeah.
236
00:14:14,355 --> 00:14:16,550
Now, as we flow into yellow,
237
00:14:16,595 --> 00:14:19,268
remember, stop thinking.
238
00:14:19,316 --> 00:14:21,876
Let your body dance you.
239
00:14:21,916 --> 00:14:25,306
'Next she'll be telling us to use the Force.
240
00:14:25,356 --> 00:14:30,875
'lf you ask me, Skywalker was bloody lucky
to get away with turning off his guidance system.
241
00:14:30,917 --> 00:14:35,946
'No, to act relaxed,
it'll take all my cunning, skill and concentration.'
242
00:14:37,919 --> 00:14:42,549
'Shit! Who's Mr New Pants?
Fuck, he's crossing a boundary.
243
00:14:42,599 --> 00:14:45,831
'Bollocks, why do we come somewhere
with no boundaries?
244
00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:47,677
'This would never happen at the pub'
245
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:52,351
Now, as we move into red,
let it all go, my super-luminaries.
246
00:14:52,401 --> 00:14:54,756
Open the box.
247
00:14:54,801 --> 00:14:58,761
'Yeah, sure, honey.
Appear to be opening the box
248
00:14:58,802 --> 00:15:02,512
'while, in fact, the lid stays very firmly on.'
249
00:15:09,044 --> 00:15:12,480
'She's buying it! God, it's so easy being a freak!
250
00:15:12,524 --> 00:15:14,755
'No wonder they're ten a penny.
251
00:15:14,805 --> 00:15:17,956
'I should get extra marks
for not feeling a fucking thing.'
252
00:15:24,726 --> 00:15:26,922
Mark, how are you feeling?
253
00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:29,845
You looked like you really
got in touch with something in there.
254
00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:31,400
'Oh, for God's sake! '
255
00:15:31,447 --> 00:15:34,042
Yeah, well, it wasn't really me as such,
256
00:15:34,088 --> 00:15:36,841
it was almost as if
something was flowing out of me.
257
00:15:36,888 --> 00:15:40,120
Mmm, that literally happened to me
the first time I went.
258
00:15:40,169 --> 00:15:42,524
- I opened up so much I puked.
- Blimey.
259
00:15:42,569 --> 00:15:45,038
I think that's fantastic.
260
00:15:45,090 --> 00:15:50,005
No, brilliant. I mean, that's brilliant, honey.
You're such a bloody trooper.
261
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:53,680
That's when I decided to live in the open 24/7.
No more crap...
262
00:15:53,731 --> 00:15:55,847
crap sex, crap relationships.
263
00:15:55,891 --> 00:15:57,007
Absolutely, sweetheart.
264
00:15:57,052 --> 00:16:02,001
I mean, we have a great time together and
obviously we both know it's an open relationship.
265
00:16:02,052 --> 00:16:03,725
Exactly. We're open in our relationship.
266
00:16:03,773 --> 00:16:05,604
And we're open with other people.
267
00:16:05,653 --> 00:16:08,247
We... are?
268
00:16:08,293 --> 00:16:10,285
That's what we're all about, right, Jez? Freedom.
269
00:16:10,334 --> 00:16:14,965
Sure, Nance, sure, yeah.
Freedom, loyalty, commitment, monogamy.
270
00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:16,971
In a sense, that's the final taboo, isn't it?
271
00:16:17,015 --> 00:16:21,806
That's funny, you weren't worried about monogamy
the other day when you told me you loved me.
272
00:16:23,336 --> 00:16:25,486
Right, yeah. I mean,
273
00:16:25,536 --> 00:16:28,131
that was a bit of a... Not mistake,
274
00:16:28,177 --> 00:16:31,965
or joke, but... just wrong.
275
00:16:32,017 --> 00:16:34,373
I mean, you can't love two people at once.
276
00:16:34,418 --> 00:16:35,533
Yes, you can.
277
00:16:35,578 --> 00:16:37,534
Of course you can.
278
00:16:37,578 --> 00:16:41,094
No, sure, obviously you can, but you don't.
279
00:16:41,139 --> 00:16:45,770
You work out who you like best
and then pretend not to like anyone else.
280
00:16:45,820 --> 00:16:50,974
What do you think, Soph?
Can you love more than one person at a time?
281
00:16:51,020 --> 00:16:55,651
Well, um, I mean,
it depends what type of love you're talking about.
282
00:16:55,701 --> 00:17:00,139
'Yeah, but what does she really think?
Probably shouldn't look again today.
283
00:17:00,182 --> 00:17:02,650
'More than once every four hours
would be obsessive.'
284
00:17:02,702 --> 00:17:03,658
very confusing.
285
00:17:03,703 --> 00:17:05,739
Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.
286
00:17:05,783 --> 00:17:09,059
Tell you what, I'm off to the bog. For a wee!
287
00:17:10,984 --> 00:17:15,455
'Conversation is rubbish.
You could waste years talking to someone
288
00:17:15,505 --> 00:17:19,418
and never get the bottom line.
OK. Still nothing interesting in the outbox.
289
00:17:19,465 --> 00:17:24,665
'She needs to express her feelings more.
Ha! Just, check the inbox.
290
00:17:24,706 --> 00:17:28,336
'A-ha! Jeff. Just arrived. What's your game?
291
00:17:28,387 --> 00:17:32,062
"'Soph, just a thought,
d'you fancy going punting on Saturday?
292
00:17:32,107 --> 00:17:35,783
"'Thought it might be a laugh. Bell me.
Love, Jeffy."
293
00:17:35,828 --> 00:17:39,868
'Jeffy. Eugh. Punting? Punting equals shunting.
294
00:17:39,909 --> 00:17:44,187
'Got to get in first, ask her out on a day trip.
What's a banker? '
295
00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:47,859
And we'd be exploring the miracles of flight
and human endeavour.
296
00:17:47,910 --> 00:17:50,185
It's a spiritual thing, really.
297
00:17:50,230 --> 00:17:52,699
Mark, we are not going to RAF Duxford.
298
00:17:52,751 --> 00:17:55,470
And I'm sorry, but we did vote,
so the stone circle it is.
299
00:17:55,511 --> 00:17:58,310
Yes. Yes, I know.
300
00:17:58,352 --> 00:18:02,630
Well, it'll be good to go to a field
and... look at some stones.
301
00:18:02,672 --> 00:18:06,268
Shit. We've gone into the crease.
I can't make out anything in the crease.
302
00:18:06,313 --> 00:18:11,308
Jez, we've been lost for four hours now.
Fuck it, I'm going to Tollesbury.
303
00:18:11,354 --> 00:18:12,025
Tollesbury?
304
00:18:12,074 --> 00:18:16,226
Yeah. We can surprise Gwyn from dance class.
He's got a boathouse there.
305
00:18:16,275 --> 00:18:18,266
Right, Gwyn. Brilliant.
306
00:18:18,315 --> 00:18:21,944
'Shit. Got to stop this.
Grab the wheel. Cause an accident.
307
00:18:21,995 --> 00:18:25,352
'There's definitely a taboo against that.
Plus, if she got disfigured,
308
00:18:25,396 --> 00:18:27,387
'she'd be more likely to stick with me.
309
00:18:27,436 --> 00:18:32,557
'But what if I came off worse, lost a limb?
I'm punching above my weight as it is.'
310
00:18:32,597 --> 00:18:34,828
Or, listen, if we take a right up ahead,
311
00:18:34,878 --> 00:18:39,633
we could make it to this really
wicked-looking public weighbridge!
312
00:18:41,319 --> 00:18:44,152
This is great.
So great to see you guys down here.
313
00:18:44,199 --> 00:18:48,034
This place is just fantastic, Gwyn.
Isn't it fantastic?
314
00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:49,479
- Amazing.
- Brilliant.
315
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:54,641
- Yeah. We should think about heading off.
- Nonsense. You're here, enjoy.
316
00:18:55,681 --> 00:18:57,956
Hey, I tell you what.
317
00:18:58,001 --> 00:19:00,357
Let's all take a swim.
318
00:19:00,402 --> 00:19:04,111
Nice idea but no... stuff. So we'd better be off.
319
00:19:04,162 --> 00:19:08,600
On a day like this, what stuff do you need?
"Sorry, I can't possibly enjoy
320
00:19:08,643 --> 00:19:12,159
"the fresh water against my skin,
I haven't got my stuff."
321
00:19:12,204 --> 00:19:14,798
All right, I don't need stuff, either.
322
00:19:14,844 --> 00:19:17,040
Forget stuff. Let's have it.
323
00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:23,556
Is there no stuff I can borrow?
I really do feel much more comfortable with stuff.
324
00:19:24,686 --> 00:19:27,439
Oh, this is amazing! I love this!
325
00:19:27,486 --> 00:19:29,603
Come on, Mark!
326
00:19:29,647 --> 00:19:31,842
Get the pants off, dude, and come on in!
327
00:19:31,887 --> 00:19:33,878
I might keep them on, actually.
328
00:19:33,927 --> 00:19:37,045
Don't be a party pooper, get 'em off!
329
00:19:37,088 --> 00:19:38,840
Yeah! Come on!
330
00:19:38,888 --> 00:19:40,958
'No way. No fucking way.'
331
00:19:41,008 --> 00:19:44,638
I'm not sure I want to swim, actually.
I might just watch.
332
00:19:44,689 --> 00:19:45,838
Off! Off! Off!
333
00:19:45,889 --> 00:19:47,881
Off! Off! Off!
334
00:19:47,930 --> 00:19:50,524
We've all got 'em off, get 'em off!
We're having fun!
335
00:19:50,570 --> 00:19:52,845
Jez! Seriously, don't!
336
00:19:52,890 --> 00:19:54,404
I'm pulling your pants down, Mark!
337
00:19:54,451 --> 00:19:57,045
Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off me!
338
00:19:58,091 --> 00:20:00,731
I'll do it. All right? I'll do it.
339
00:20:00,772 --> 00:20:03,206
In my own time, I'll do it.
340
00:20:15,614 --> 00:20:17,845
Yes!
341
00:20:20,335 --> 00:20:24,568
'OK, done the hard part,
they've seen and rated my penis,
342
00:20:24,616 --> 00:20:29,167
'now it's time to take advantage of the '60s vibe
to get it on with Sophie.'
343
00:20:29,216 --> 00:20:31,367
This place is amazing, Gwyn.
344
00:20:31,417 --> 00:20:33,647
How can you afford it all?
345
00:20:33,697 --> 00:20:35,176
I guess I've just been very lucky.
346
00:20:35,217 --> 00:20:39,609
Money's an energy
and lots of it has always flowed towards me,
347
00:20:39,658 --> 00:20:41,614
particularly after my parents died.
348
00:20:41,658 --> 00:20:42,808
Cosmic.
349
00:20:42,859 --> 00:20:46,534
Yeah. Well, that might sound funny to you,
but it was actually quite a painful time.
350
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:50,255
I just meant... 'You're not gonna
out-hippy me, you fucking hippy.'
351
00:20:50,300 --> 00:20:52,609
this place has great energy.
352
00:20:52,660 --> 00:20:56,939
Yeah.
I remember when I first spent time down here.
353
00:20:56,981 --> 00:21:00,611
I was 14 years old
and I came down here all alone,
354
00:21:00,662 --> 00:21:04,211
just with a candle
and an old, old copy of Henry Miller.
355
00:21:04,262 --> 00:21:07,255
And I just had the most amazing wank.
356
00:21:08,263 --> 00:21:10,572
It really just bust me open.
357
00:21:10,623 --> 00:21:14,902
I couldn't believe that I had
this... instrument right there.
358
00:21:14,944 --> 00:21:18,061
Isn't it amazing, that first big wank?
359
00:21:18,104 --> 00:21:20,221
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
360
00:21:22,265 --> 00:21:26,896
I tell you what we used to do down here
when we were kids. Spin the bottle,
361
00:21:26,946 --> 00:21:29,062
that old thing!
362
00:21:29,106 --> 00:21:31,575
Hey. Why not?
363
00:21:32,627 --> 00:21:34,743
Why don't we just fucking go for it?
364
00:21:34,787 --> 00:21:36,345
Yeah!
365
00:21:37,508 --> 00:21:41,979
OK, so, whoever's on kisses
whoever the bottle stops at. Cool?
366
00:21:42,028 --> 00:21:43,940
Yeah. Mark?
367
00:21:43,989 --> 00:21:46,059
'Say no. Ask her to go for a walk.'
368
00:21:46,109 --> 00:21:48,418
Sure, yeah.
369
00:21:48,469 --> 00:21:51,860
OK, so, Jez, you're on. And it's...
370
00:21:51,910 --> 00:21:53,707
'Nancy. Nancy. Nancy.'
371
00:21:53,750 --> 00:21:55,230
Mark.
372
00:21:55,271 --> 00:21:58,468
OK, so, what happens? Spin again?
373
00:21:58,511 --> 00:22:01,345
Sure. If you can't handle it, spin again.
374
00:22:01,392 --> 00:22:04,464
Oh, I can handle it.
375
00:22:04,512 --> 00:22:07,391
I just wasn't sure about... Mark...
376
00:22:07,433 --> 00:22:10,630
where you stand on... taboos.
377
00:22:10,673 --> 00:22:12,709
'I'm not uptight. I'm not uptight! '
378
00:22:12,753 --> 00:22:15,222
I... hate taboos.
379
00:22:15,274 --> 00:22:17,230
Well, me too.
380
00:22:17,274 --> 00:22:18,912
I break them.
381
00:22:18,954 --> 00:22:22,072
Me too, I... love breaking them.
382
00:22:23,195 --> 00:22:26,074
'Oh, no! No! No!
383
00:22:29,356 --> 00:22:31,552
'I can't believe this is happening.
He doesn't even floss.
384
00:22:31,597 --> 00:22:35,385
'I tell him, but he won't. Jesus, when can we
stop? '
385
00:22:35,437 --> 00:22:37,747
'Don't stop first.
If I don't mind looking gay,
386
00:22:37,798 --> 00:22:40,676
'I'll seem the most hetero. At least it's Mark.
387
00:22:41,758 --> 00:22:44,478
'Oh, Jesus, it's Mark! '
388
00:22:45,919 --> 00:22:48,638
Wow, Mark!
389
00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:52,430
Well done.
390
00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:54,756
Thank you.
391
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:57,634
OK, so, Nancy's on.
392
00:22:57,681 --> 00:23:01,640
'This is probably
how the Manson family started.'
393
00:23:03,882 --> 00:23:05,952
Come here, you.
394
00:23:13,363 --> 00:23:15,434
Er... hey,
395
00:23:15,484 --> 00:23:19,318
come on, folks,
there are other people waiting to...
396
00:23:19,884 --> 00:23:22,353
Hmm. OK.
397
00:23:22,405 --> 00:23:26,922
'The squalor. It's happening.
It's Woodstock, it's Altamont, it's My Lai.
398
00:23:26,966 --> 00:23:29,400
'Although, Sophie's hand on my thigh,
399
00:23:29,446 --> 00:23:32,245
'maybe there's a time and a place for squalor.'
400
00:23:33,527 --> 00:23:36,485
Sophie, your hand...
401
00:23:36,527 --> 00:23:39,520
Oh, look. Gwyn's feeling me up.
402
00:23:39,568 --> 00:23:44,084
'I'm Louis Theroux.
I'm Louis Theroux and his wry smile at the orgy.'
403
00:23:44,128 --> 00:23:46,438
Mark, are you into this?
Cos you don't look that into this.
404
00:23:46,489 --> 00:23:50,563
No, no, this is... great. I'm, I'm into this.
405
00:23:50,610 --> 00:23:53,522
Because I'm not sure I'm into this.
406
00:23:53,570 --> 00:23:55,162
You're not?
407
00:23:57,331 --> 00:24:00,050
Brilliant.
408
00:24:00,091 --> 00:24:04,051
'Sure, an orgy sounds great,
but you're basically just multiplying
409
00:24:04,092 --> 00:24:07,368
'the number of people
you won't be able to look in the eye afterwards.'
410
00:24:07,412 --> 00:24:10,769
It would be interesting to try
something like that one day
411
00:24:10,813 --> 00:24:13,407
but there would inevitably be complications.
412
00:24:13,453 --> 00:24:18,812
If you're into that, you probably see
the inevitable complications as part of the fun.
413
00:24:18,854 --> 00:24:20,253
Yeah.
414
00:24:20,294 --> 00:24:22,411
Isn't this beautiful?
415
00:24:22,455 --> 00:24:24,411
It really is.
416
00:24:29,256 --> 00:24:30,735
Here you go.
417
00:24:30,776 --> 00:24:34,133
'Yeah, you can keep your VD and your barricades
418
00:24:34,177 --> 00:24:36,486
'and your talking and your drugs,
419
00:24:36,537 --> 00:24:40,213
'I'm back to basics - moonlight, lake, cardigan.
420
00:24:40,258 --> 00:24:41,976
'Perfect.
421
00:24:42,018 --> 00:24:44,009
'I should do something romantic.
422
00:24:44,058 --> 00:24:46,209
'Surely I'm not about to sing? '
423
00:24:46,899 --> 00:24:50,289
I may be right
I may be wrong
424
00:24:50,339 --> 00:24:53,810
But I'm perfectly willing to swear
425
00:24:53,860 --> 00:24:58,412
That when you turned and smiled at me
426
00:24:59,381 --> 00:25:05,855
A nightingale sang in Berkeley Square
427
00:25:07,822 --> 00:25:11,657
'He looked like he was singing.
He couldn't have been singing.
428
00:25:15,744 --> 00:25:19,100
'This is good. This is like watching a porno.
429
00:25:19,144 --> 00:25:21,453
'Except I can't see anything,
430
00:25:21,504 --> 00:25:24,895
'I haven't got a hard-on and I want to cry.'
431
00:25:28,346 --> 00:25:32,339
'OK, this is the last time.
I've really got to stop it, at least ration it.
432
00:25:32,386 --> 00:25:34,776
'Three times a day. Yak, yak, yak.
433
00:25:34,827 --> 00:25:40,380
"'Mark was so sweet, feel like we could have
something special if we see more of each other."'
434
00:25:40,428 --> 00:25:42,896
- Henmania!
- Hey, Mark, what are you celebrating?
435
00:25:42,948 --> 00:25:46,066
Oh, it's just... Weren't we meeting outside?
436
00:25:46,109 --> 00:25:47,827
Go on, what is it? Let me see.
437
00:25:47,869 --> 00:25:49,461
Honestly, it's nothing.
438
00:25:49,509 --> 00:25:55,028
- How did you? Mark, is that my e-mail?
- No, it's not! It's just, er...
439
00:25:55,070 --> 00:25:56,662
'Escape! Escape! Escape! '
440
00:25:56,710 --> 00:25:59,350
Mark, I can't believe you'd actually...
441
00:26:01,391 --> 00:26:03,905
Sophie, but... Please! Don't!
442
00:26:03,951 --> 00:26:06,466
We have something special!
443
00:26:06,512 --> 00:26:10,631
Not my words, yours!
We can't throw that all away
444
00:26:10,673 --> 00:26:13,107
just because I... spy on you!
445
00:26:13,153 --> 00:26:14,711
Can we?
446
00:26:19,834 --> 00:26:22,429
MUSIC: Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger
447
00:26:24,875 --> 00:26:30,075
Paranoia, paranoia
Everybody's comin' to get me
448
00:26:30,116 --> 00:26:33,028
Just say you never met me
449
00:26:33,076 --> 00:26:37,275
I'm running underground
with the moles digging holes.
34747
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