All language subtitles for Disclaimer.S01E07.1080p.ATV.WEBRip.x265-PGW

[Catherine]
As soon as I got back to my room,

the stranger immediately disappeared
from my mind.

I'd had such a special day with my son.

I mean, my husband hadn't been there,
but I hadn't missed him that much.

And that slight dread that I felt
of the long day ahead

and having to keep Nicholas occupied
had just passed so easily,

and I'd slipped into just--
just being with him.

And I felt nourished and satisfied

from a day of simple pleasures
with my son.

- I was happy.
- [spoon clinking]

I do wonder if that was the last time
I've ever been truly happy.

You know, if all the happiness after that
has just been a pretense. [sighs]

[dog barking]

You know, because your wife
wrote very accurately about, uh,

my hotel room and what I was wearing,

but she couldn't fathom
what I was feeling.

I was happy.

- Nancy al--
- Shut up, I'm talking.

I've heard enough from you.

Yes, your wife
was right about a lot of things...

including how your son died.

[Nicholas, distorted] Mummy. Mummy. Mummy.

[Catherine]
I didn't sleep at all that night.

[Nicholas] Can we get a dinghy?

- [Catherine] My whole body was aching.
- [Nicholas] Dinghy! Dinghy! Dinghy!

[Catherine] Nicholas,
he was desperate to go to the beach.

[Nicholas] Dinghy! Dinghy! Dinghy!

- [Catherine] I could barely move...
- [Nicholas] Dinghy! Dinghy! Dinghy!

...but we did go, uh, to the beach.

[Nicholas] Dinghy!

And on the way, I... [sighs] ...relented,
and I bought him a-- a dinghy.

It was a--

a lifesaver I thought at the time,
you know, keep him occupied on the sand

until I had enough energy
to go into the water with him

because I was exhausted.

The night before had, uh, drained me.

I didn't mean to fall asleep,

but I did.

I shut down.

I just closed my eyes
and I went to sleep. [sighs]

I only woke because the wind had picked up
and the sand was just piercing my skin.

And I immediately knew
that something was wrong.

And the sea was so rough.
And Nicholas was just-- [sighing]

He was smiling.
He was just lost in his own little world.

[distorted] Nicholas?

- And the waves were...
- Nicholas!

...were getting bigger
and the boat was bouncing.

And he was just being pulled
further and further out.

And when the water reached my waist,
I just-- I-- I froze.

You know, and I'd always, uh,
been scared of the sea, but--

You know, and I was certain that
if I-I went out-- swam out to him,

that-- that we'd both drown.

[meows]

[sighs] It always seems to be men
who drown rescuing children.

It's not mothers, it's f-- it's fathers.

I don't know, there must have been
some women who've done it,

but I-- I don't, uh, remember
reading about it.

I mean, surely I'm not alone
in lacking the courage

to have gone out after my son.

I keep asking myself, you know,
if it had been a burning building

or if it had been someone pointing a gun,
I mean, would it have been any different?

Would I--
Would I have found the courage then?

I mean, would I have--
have run through fire?

Or-- Or taken a bullet for Nick?

[sighs]

I don't know. All I know is that the--
the sea thwarted me.

I didn't risk my life for my child
and that is something I have to live with.

[sniffles]

And then... [sighs]

...I saw him.

And he was running down the beach
toward me

and as soon as he reached the sea,
he just dove into the waves.

[Catherine, distorted] No, no, no!
[speaks indistinctly]

And the words just came out of my mouth...

- No! No!
- ...before I could stop them.

- I didn't want it to be him. Not him.
- [speaks indistinctly]

Anyone but him.

And I just stood there, frozen.

And I just watched him
as he swam one-armed,

pulling the boat through the waves
looking heroic.

[cat meows]

But the sea was against him.

And, uh, then these, uh, two men,

they rushed into the water,
and they swam out to them.

And then, finally,
Nick was safe on the shore.

[beachgoers clamoring]

And everyone was focused on Nicky
and the two men.

No one was looking at your son.

He was a hero. They assumed he was okay.

Yeah, well, your wife was right.

I did see your son
struggling in the waves...

and I didn't do anything about it.

[cat meows]

His screams were lost in the wind,

and I didn't do a single thing
to help him.

- [cat meows]
- [sniffles]

[beachgoers clamoring]

So they got him into the boat
and rowed him back to the shore,

and everyone leaped into action.

And all Nicholas said about the event
was that he was freezing.

He seemed unaware
that he could have drowned.

He never once sai-- said he was scared.

But I was.

I still am.

He just felt cold,
wanted to go back to the beach,

and a stranger came and rescued him.

Simple as that.

And he never mentioned the incident again.

You know, the beach, the dinghy,
your son again. Ever.

I don't care if Nicholas felt cold.
My son was dead.

Yes. Yes, he was dead.

He drowned.

You watched him. You did nothing.

- You stood there--
- I am not finished!

You sit down!

Now, I want you to understand
what happened the night before.

[breathes shakily] Your wife
based this book on a few photographs,

but photographs are not reality.

You said yourself,
they are a fragment of reality.

[breathes shakily]
Now, the night before your son died,

I went back to my hotel room,
and I was ready for a shower.

To fall asleep reading my book.

As I said before, I was happy.

No.

I was more than happy.

I was joyous.

I must have left the key in the door
when I opened it,

trying not to spill my wine.

You know, I smelled him before I saw him.

His-- His aftershave was, um...

[distorted gasp]

- [whimpering]
- Be quiet. Be quiet.

And I could... [sighs] ...taste his sweat.

I can still taste his sweat.

I don't know what it tasted of.
Excitement, probably.

And I was surprised when I heard him speak

because earlier that day, when, uh...

[stammers]
...I'd been aware of him looking at me,

you know, when he smiled at me,
I had imagined it differently.

I thought it would be gentle.

But it wasn't gentle.

It was hateful.

- But the photographs--
- Yes.

Yes, I am getting to the photographs.

[breathes deeply]

Lick it.

[distorted whimpering, grunting]

- [whimpering]
- [grunts]

[groans, whimpers]

[Catherine] I'd never been hit before,
so I was stunned.

My teeth crunched. My ears were ringing.

- I just... [sighs]
- [cries] Please.

- ...couldn't believe what was happening.
- If you do that again or you scream,

- I will fucking cut you and your son.
- [crying]

I will mark your fucking faces for life.
Do you understand?

[panting] So are you gonna do as I say?

[speaking indistinctly]

...and take off your fucking dress.

[Nicholas] Mummy. Mummy.

Please, please, please.

- Put him back to sleep.
- Please. Don't hurt him.

- Put him back to fucking sleep.
- It's okay. Darling--

- Darling, go back to sleep. I'm here.
- [Nicholas] But you promised

- to keep the door open, Mummy.
- Please.

- Shut him the fuck up. [exhales heavily]
- [speaks indistinctly]

- Shut him the fuck up.
- [Nicholas speaks indistinctly]

What's that smell?

[Catherine speaking indistinctly]

[no audible dialogue]

[Catherine speaks indistinctly, sniffles]

There we go.

[shushes] Go to sleep.

[speaks indistinctly]

[Catherine breathing shakily]

If Nick had woken...

I don't know
what your son would have done.

So I was relieved when I left the room,
and I could feel him following me.

And then he, uh--

he picked up the camera and I thought,

"Oh. Oh, he's trying to blackmail me."

And...

so, I thought, you know,
"I'll win him over."

I didn't want him to hurt Nick.

Uh, but I didn't know what to do.
What was I supposed to do? Pose?

And I was appalled
because he chose the underwear

that my husband had given me
for the, uh-- the holiday.

[distorted] Hurry up.

[Catherine breathing shakily]

[Jonathan] Faster.

[breathing shakily]

[distorted] Turn around.

[no audible dialogue]

Wipe them off your face and smile.
Do you understand?

Now smile.

- Yeah, much better. Sit down.
- [shutter clicks]

- [sniffling]
- Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

Come on. Come on.

[speaks indistinctly] ...bra.
Hurry up. Take it off.

I closed my eyes.

I just felt like a dirty, shriveled thing.

And I could hear the click of the camera
and the whine of the zoom

as he came closer and closer.
[inhales shakily]

And...

I did exactly as he asked.

You know, I bit my top lip. I groaned.
I moaned. I gasped.

You know, hoping that he'd be satisfied
and he'd leave.

[distorted panting, speaking indistinctly]

[Catherine]
And then I heard him sigh and groan...

- [speaks indistinctly]
- ...and I waited. I was afraid to move.

[moaning]

[Catherine]
And I thought that's all he wanted.

- So I said, "Please go now."
- Please go now.

But I'd-- I'd made a mistake.

Shouldn't have said that.

Should have pretended
it was what I wanted too.

No! No, don't!

- And I knew then that it wasn't over...
- [speaking indistinctly]

...and I was terrified.

- He had a knife.
- You better fucking smile.

[Catherine] And through it all,
I just kept thinking

how do I get him out?

- How do I get him away from Nick?
- [shutter clicking]

And I just thought--
I hoped somewhere he'd feel pity for us.

[Catherine speaks indistinctly]

[sobbing]

[groaning, grunting]

And then I heard this sound.

Sounded like a-- an injured animal.

And I realized...

it was me.

And my whole body was just in pain.
Everywhere.

And then he turned me over and he--

he, uh, kissed me and I--

I could taste his teeth and his-his spit

and his aftershave was just--
It was just revolting.

I could--

It made me feel sick.

It was the same aftershave
I smelt on you at the-- at the hospital.

And then he...

[clicks tongue]

...pressed his knee, and he... [sniffles]
...he shoved it really hard into my thigh,

and he pushed himself into me again.
[sniffles]

And I--

He collapsed on top of me, and I just--

He just stayed there and I was trapped.
I couldn't move. [sniffles]

And I thought, "Please, God,
let this be over." [sniffles]

But he started in again.

Yeah.

Did I fight?

No.

Did I scream? No, I-I couldn't.

But all you need to know is that...
[sniffles]

...your son raped me again and then again,

for three and a half hours.

Your son brutalized me
for three and a half hours.

And then, uh, he stopped. He'd had enough.

[panting, distorted]

Turn over.

Smile.

[shutter clicks]

[Catherine] And then he said to me,

- "Thank you. That was nice."
- Thank you. That was nice.

[groans]

And when he said that,

I wanted him to die. [sniffles]

Yeah, that evening,

I would have given anything
to watch him die.

So, when he drowned...

I walked away.

That's the truth.

And I-I can't pretend
to be sorry for that.

- I don't believe you. You're lying.
- [inhales deeply]

- So what is it you don't believe?
- Any of it. You-- You-- [stammers]

You would have told Nancy when you met her
if it was-- if it were true.

- What? I would have told your dying wife...
- [sighing]

...that I had been raped
by the son she'd lost?

[stammers] What would have been the point?

The only reason I am telling you
is because I want you to stop.

I want you to leave me and my son alone.

You have no proof!

What? [stammers]
I can give you the forensic evidence.

Is that what you want?
Is that what you need?

All right. Well, after he left,

I emptied out a pot of, um, face cream
and I pressed it against myself

and I pushed his disgusting glob
out of my body,

and I screwed on the lid,

and then I took photographs of, uh,
my injuries, you know, my... [stammers]

...the bruises on my thighs
and the bites on my neck,

in case I needed them for evidence later
because...

I didn't know what I wanted to do yet.

I didn't have the strength
to go to the police,

and I did--
I didn't want to put Nicky through that.

So, I thought, you know,

I'll pull myself together,
and I'll do it later, you know?

Tomorrow. The next day.

But then he died.

Do you understand? He died.

[inhales shakily] And I thought...

"Thank God he's dead."

I don't have to
prove myself innocent to anyone.

I don't have to talk about it
if I don't want to.

I don't have to relive it
if I don't want to.

I don't have to stand up in court
and be called a liar.

You know, to say that I'd, uh... [sniffles]
...enticed a man to my room.

You know, that I'd known him,
and he bought me a-a drink in the bar

and I'd flirted with him
as your disgusting book suggests.

[sniffles] So I, uh, threw away the pot.

And when I developed my photographs
of my holiday,

I erased all of the... [sniffles]
...evidence of my injuries,

and I just kept the happy snaps of, uh...
[sniffles]

...Nicholas, and Robert and me. [sniffles]

And then, if you must know...

[sniffles]

...when I got back to London, I disco--

[breathes deeply]

I realized I was pregnant.

Now, it-it could have been Robert's,
and, uh...

[sniffles]
...we'd wanted another child so badly...

but not knowing... [sniffles]
...if its father was the man who raped me,

I terminated. [sniffles]

[breathing heavily]

What did you put in my tea?

[breathing heavily]

What did you put in my tea,
you crazy fuck?

[moaning, groaning]

[shushes]

Don't fight it.

You're going to fall asleep,
but you'll be fine.

I'm going back to the hospital now.

[Catherine] No.

I'm going to put an end to all this.

[groaning, panting]

Hello. Yes. Could you send a taxi, please?

- To 87 Harrington Road.
- [groans]

[groaning]

[groaning, gagging]

Oh, fuck.

[panting, retches]

Nicholas. Hi, I'm Dr. Keith.
Can you open your eyes for me, please?

[rhythmic beeping]

Well done, Nicholas.
Can you squeeze my hand, please?

Can you squeeze, squeeze, squeeze?
Well done.

Nicholas, you have a tube in your mouth.

We're going to try and move that, okay?
Is that okay?

Let me see. Give me a thumbs-up.
Thank you.

Nurse. Can we please extubate?

I've turned off the ventilator.

Nicholas, I'm going to count
from one to three

and then I want you to cough, okay?

- One, two, three. Cough for me. Cough.
- [coughing]

Well done, Nicholas. Well done.

- Breathe for me, Nicholas. Breathe.
- Just relax.

- [Dr. Keith] You're doing very well.
- [breathing deeply]

[nurse] I'm gonna give you some oxygen
through your nose.

[Dr. Keith] Are you okay, Nicholas?

[groans] Where am I?

What happened to me?

- Nicholas, you're in hospital.
- [breathing deeply]

You're in safe hands.

We will explain to you
what happened later, okay?

Well. Good morning, handsome.

[groaning, panting]

[gulping]

[speaking Mauritian Creole]

- [tires screeching]
- [exclaims, yelling in Mauritian Creole]

You see that?
He cut into me as if I don't exist.

People don't know how to drive.

[phone chimes]

[groans]

[groans]

[driver speaking Mauritian Creole]

[Dr. Keith] Hello, sir.
Can you come with me, please? Thank you.

Emma, can you get me
Dr. Junta's cardiology notes, please?

- Thank you.
- Okay.

Is he okay?

He woke up. He's relatively aware.
So that's good news.

Is he, um-- is he talking?

Yes. He's a bit sedated.

However, we are still treating him
for endocarditis,

which can recur
if he continues to inject drugs.

I understand. I understand,
but c-- could he make a full recovery?

- Want a coffee, Doctor?
- He's awake and he's aware...

Thank you very much, Emma.

...which is positive news.

Tomorrow, we'll do some new bloods on him,
but he needs to rest for the moment.

- Can I-- Can I talk to him, please?
- [beeper rings]

You may see him,
but please do not make him tired.

- [beeper rings]
- I must go now. My beeper's going.

- I understand. Thank you, Doctor.
- You're welcome. Thank you.

Mmm. Thank you, Emma.
Can you let cardiology know

- that I'm on my way, please? Thank you.
- [cell phone ringing]

[automated voice] Please leave
your message after the tone.

To rerecord your message,
key hash at any time.

- [line beeps]
- Robert. This is serious.

Stephen Brigstocke
is on the way to the hospital.

Now you cannot let him near Nicholas.

Okay? At any time. Please, Robert.

This is very important.

He's dangerous.

- [car horns honking]
- [jackhammer drilling]

[driver speaking Mauritian Creole]

What? [stammers]

[driver speaking Mauritian Creole]

[Robert] I was so, so scared, Nick.

I can't tell you how happy I am
that you're back.

We're gonna get through this.

Okay?

Okay?

That's fine, Nick.

In your own time.

You should get some rest.

- I'm fine here.
- He needs rest.

He's gonna be okay.

Go get some air.

I'll be back in a bit, mate.

All right, mate.

- [driver speaking Mauritian Creole]
- [jackhammer drilling]

[driver chuckles]

- [speaks Mauritian Creole]
- [car horns honking]

[sighs]

[sighs]

- I'll be outside if you need me.
- [nurse 2] Okay.

[message tone dings]

I'm sorry, can't you go any faster?

- [driver 2] There are cameras everywhere.
- Yes. It's a hospital emergency.

Sorry, I can't get any more points
on my license.

I've got a family to feed.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

[electronic voice] Doors closing.

[sighs]

[car horns honking]

- How long's this gonna take?
- You're almost there.

- [sighs]
- [jackhammer drilling]

[driver 2] Hey! Where are you going?
Shut the door.

[car horns honking]

- [elevator dings]
- [electronic voice] Doors opening.

And you're back.

Is Mr. Ravenscroft still here?

[nurse 2] He just stepped out, actually.

Ah, thank you.

[nurse 2 stammers] Sorry.
Visiting is 8:00 to 8:00.

Uh, Robert asked me
to sit with Nicholas for a bit.

Only-Only for a minute.

All right, just one minute. But please
check with the ICU nurses first, okay?

Yes. Of course. Thank you.

[panting]

[nurse 1] You shouldn't be here.

You should be resting, my dear.

[stammers] I-I couldn't sleep.
I-I was too worried about Nicholas.

[stammers] I don't think
I could bear it if-if...

Nicholas has woken up.

That's very good news.

It is.

Stay only for a moment, okay?

He needs to rest.

Of course.

Yes. Thank you.

You are a good woman.

[panting]

Mum?

[breathing shakily]

Mum.

I wanna go.

Mum. Please.

[breathes heavily]

I wanna go.

[breathing shakily]

[breathing shakily]

[inhales shakily] I wanna go, please.

[breathes shakily]

[breathes shakily]

[Brigstocke sobbing]

[sighs]

- [breathing heavily]
- [nurse 3] Uh, sir, are you okay?

I'll take him.

Mr. Brigstocke, are you okay?

[sighs]

- It's Robert.
- [stammers] I'm sorry.

- [stammers] I'm so sorry.
- So-- S--

Sorry about what?

[sighs] I was wrong.

- Wrong in what way?
- I was wrong about everything.

[panting]

[grunts, panting]

[panting]

[panting]

[nurse 2] Excuse me,
you can't run in here.

[Catherine] No.

[pants] What did you do to my son?

I'm sorry.

[whimpers, wails]

Cath! Cath!

Cath, I'm so sorry. Cath, I'm so sorry.

- Oh, my son! My son!
- I'm so sorry. Cath, look at me.

- My beautiful son.
- I should have listened to you, Cath.

I'm so sorry.

- Nicky! Nicky! Nicky!
- This is my fault. No, no. Nicky's fine.

- [sobbing] Nicky!
- He's fine. I'm so sorry, Catherine.

No, no. Nick-- Cath, listen.
Nick's fine. He woke up.

He's safe. He's safe.

He's safe, don't worry.

What? He's-- He's awake?

[sobs] He's awake.

[groans]

- Nicky.
- [nurse 1] Excuse me.

- [sobbing]
- [nurse 1 speaks indistinctly]

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

It's okay. Please, it's okay.

Wait, why didn't you tell me before?

Why didn't you say anything--
anything before?

I had never met your wife before.

I didn't know the truth until today.

But surely you knew what your son was.

No one wants to believe their son
is capable of doing such a thing.

But you sent that book to my family.

You gave me those photographs,
and I felt sorry for you.

- I felt grateful to your fucking son.
- [electronic voice] Doors opening.

How could you not know?

Why didn't you question it?

No, Mr. Ravenscroft, why didn't you?

- [beeps]
- [electronic voice] Doors closing.

[narrator] You always knew
that Nancy dressed Jonathan up

into someone he was not,

and you colluded with her,

ignoring all the clues that should have
made you uneasy about him.

You have been as guilty of delusion
as she was.

Your only defense
is that you did it out of love,

but that is not much of a defense.

You were weak.

You have left nothing
but a trail of pain behind you.

You know you'll never find forgiveness.

Nothing can atone for a wasted life.

Nothing can purify you.

Nothing can absolve you.

Ahead of you, there's nothing.

Only the void awaits.

I'm so sorry.

I can't even begin to imagine the horror
that you went through back then.

And now.

I was so s-- so stupid.

I'll never-- I'll never
forgive myself, Cath.

I didn't know.

Mmm.

Why didn't--

Why did you never tell me?

[stammers] I--

I suppose...

I didn't want it to enter our lives.

No, I wanted to protect you and Nick...
[chuckles] ...from it, you know.

And from how angry,
you know, I-I-I felt and I...

[inhales sharply] I suppose I...

I didn't want you to see me differently,
you know?

I didn't want you to have to
think about it, you know,

every time that you looked at me.

'Cause I didn't just--
I didn't want to look at myself, you know?

I was just so... [inhales sharply, groans]
just so humiliated.

When-- When the book, um...

Mmm?

...and those photographs came into our life,

why didn't you-- Why wouldn't you
just tell me then, Cath?

I did try, Robert.

You know? But I--
I suppose that when you--

you've never spoken about
something like that, well, I--

[groans] I didn't know where to start.

I needed help to, you know,
to pick the pieces apart.

[stammers, sighs] Make sense of it.
I couldn't do it on my own.

And you were just...
just so angry and betrayed

and, you know, disgusted.

You know, all those things
I feared you would be, and...

You didn't hear me out.
You-- You know, I couldn't think.

I just--

Talking to you just made me
feel guilty all over again.

So...

- I'm so sorry.
- Yeah.

Please understand that I was--
I was deceived, Cath.

No, I-I do understand that.

I understand that the photos
were-- were confusing.

[softly] Please.

Cath, please forgive me.

I know I should forgive you.

But the truth is I can't.

'Cause you-- You're managing the idea
of me having been violated by someone

far more easily than-- than the idea
of that someone bringing me pleasure.

You know, it's almost like you--
you're relieved that I was raped.

[sighs]

And I just... Sorry, I...

I don't know how to forgive that.

[sighs]

[narrator] Catherine and Robert
finalized the agreement of their divorce.

Catherine knows
that her future is uncertain,

but she doesn't mind it.

She's not in a hurry
to decide anything now.

It's Nicholas and the present
she wants to concentrate on.

[Catherine speaking indistinctly]

Catherine is overcome with gratitude
for the chance her son is giving her

to fully embrace his love.

I don't remember.

I know.

I'm so sorry, Nick.

- I don't remember anything.
- [sighs] I'm so sorry.

- [clicks tongue]
- [sniffles] I'm sorry.

Oh, no.

I'm sorry.

[sighs]

- [sniffles]
- I love you.

Yep.

I know. I love you too.

[breathing deeply]