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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:16,320 Aggressive, egocentric, narcissistic… 2 00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:21,040 he'd happily lie to your face. 3 00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:25,640 What would your diagnosis be? 4 00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:28,080 Cunt. 5 00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:30,440 Yeah, that's exactly what I thought. 6 00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:34,640 - You are shagging his daughter, man. - Yeah, I know, but I'm… 7 00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:36,760 Everyone I'm shagging is a daughter of someone, 8 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:39,040 doesn't mean you have to be a blazing arsehole. 9 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:42,000 Don't know why he hates me so much. 10 00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:46,080 - What if he's younger than ya? - No, he's not. 11 00:00:46,160 --> 00:00:48,800 He's five weeks older. I checked. 12 00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:52,520 What, and he's supposed to be rich, this bellend, is he? 13 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:53,840 God, yeah. 14 00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:55,680 Massive house… 15 00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:58,960 butler, valet… 16 00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:02,920 amazing wine cellar. 17 00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:06,520 You should see it. 18 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,880 Why the fuck would I want to go and visit a wine cellar, man? 19 00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:12,320 No, seriously! 20 00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:15,520 - You should see his wine cellar. - Oh? 21 00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:18,800 He's got six cases of 1980 Bordeaux. 22 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:21,840 Oh! It's me favourite, Bordeaux. 23 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:24,680 - Two-and-a-half grand a case. - Hmm. 24 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:27,600 So, go on, what you suggesting, then? 25 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:29,920 I'm not suggesting anything as a medical professional. 26 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:33,720 But as Annabel King's darkly mysterious imaginative lover, 27 00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:36,280 I'm telling you, they run a Murder Mystery night once a month. 28 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:38,440 You'd have access to the entire house. 29 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,520 - Oh… - God! You, out! 30 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:43,320 It's medicinal! 31 00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:45,960 Yeah, do you know how much of this fucking shite I have to use 32 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:48,800 to get rid of the smell in here? Oh, God. 33 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:52,600 ♪ The best things in life are free ♪ 34 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:55,360 ♪ But you can give them To the birds and bees ♪ 35 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:56,920 ♪ I need money… ♪ 36 00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:59,760 What, hey, 250 quid for us all to go to some shit party? 37 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:02,520 Fucking hell. It's 250 quid each. 38 00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:04,800 - Bloody hell, Vin. - Fuck… 39 00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:06,000 Christ, listen. 40 00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:09,400 Half of us aren't even playing the game, you know, 41 00:02:09,479 --> 00:02:11,520 we'll be stealing the bloody wine out of t'cellar. 42 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:12,880 Why is it so expensive, though? 43 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:15,400 Oh, it'll be all champagne, canapés, and that jizz. 44 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:17,520 I'd be wanting roast swan with cocaine up its arse 45 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:18,960 for that kind of money. 46 00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:21,480 It won't fucking matter how much we spend on the tickets. 47 00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:23,960 We're stealing thousands of pounds' worth of fucking wine. 48 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:26,240 It's enough to sort the community centre right out. 49 00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:28,000 - [phone chimes] - Honestly. 50 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:30,040 Ping-ety fucking ping-a-ling, dude. 51 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:32,440 - Put that shit on silent, will ya? - Sorry. Spam. 52 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:35,280 It's er… It's some carpet salesman in Preston who's got my number. 53 00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:37,360 - He won't leave me alone. - [Vinnie] Fascinating. 54 00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:42,040 Also, Sugar is ovulating that weekend, so actually, we're out. 55 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:45,560 All right, well, listen, I'm not Sexmaster Flex, 56 00:02:45,640 --> 00:02:48,440 but it takes two fucking minutes to create a child. 57 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:50,360 There speaks a man of great experience. 58 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:52,840 Just… Fuck me. We'll be done by 10:00. Right? 59 00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:54,720 - Postpone the bone, JJ. - Postpone it. 60 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:58,000 Argh, fine! Okay, but listen, am I pressing "pay", or what? 61 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:00,360 It's a lot of money. Can we pull it off? 62 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:02,360 Yeah, we can pull it off, course we can. 63 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:05,080 - We quite often don't. - Can we do it, or not? 64 00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:07,680 - I don't know, I... - Done! "Booking is non-refundable." 65 00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:10,040 "Character details forwarded within 24 hours of booking." 66 00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:13,880 - "Costumes are considered essential." - What kind of costumes? 67 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,680 - What do you want, Davey? - Straight to business. I like that. 68 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:26,600 - Got a job offer. - Yeah? I'm not interested. 69 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:29,520 Now, now, now, Dylan. Listen to Davey. 70 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:33,040 It's nothing criminal. Just semantically illegal. 71 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:35,200 - What do you mean? - It shouldn't be illegal. 72 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:36,880 Nobody thinks of it as being illegal. 73 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:39,960 It's just a little bit outside the law. 74 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:41,080 Yeah. 75 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:45,760 I'd like you to host a poker night for some friends of mine next Saturday. 76 00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:48,600 A little birdy tells me you're an excellent player, is that right? 77 00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:50,440 So I've been told, yeah. 78 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:53,480 Just keep a clear head and make sure the game runs smoothly. 79 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,200 They're an easy-going sort. 80 00:03:57,040 --> 00:03:59,840 And I'll give you a grand for your efforts. Are you in? 81 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:03,360 No, thanks. No, I've got plans. I've got a party to go to, so… 82 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:05,120 I don't think I heard you correctly. 83 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:06,880 You gonna kick the shit out of me as well? 84 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,080 Hmm! No, sweet boy. 85 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:11,520 I'd like you to do this for me… 86 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:14,800 because I'm asking you nicely. 87 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:17,560 Give me two grand for the community centre. 88 00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:20,640 Fine. Oh, and, Dylan, 89 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:23,880 this little arrangement is just between ourselves. Understand? 90 00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:28,720 And er… liven it up a little bit, sartorially. 91 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,680 You usually dress like you're pulling a plough. 92 00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:33,640 Off you go, sweet cheeks. 93 00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:37,360 Guess what I found in the blueprints to that posh house? 94 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:40,040 - Go on. - A fucking priest hole! 95 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:43,360 For Jesus's sake. And we're surprised the Catholic Church has a bad reputation. 96 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:46,480 Hang on, sweetheart. What do you think a priest hole is? 97 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:49,800 - It's a glory hole for priests. - Ohh. 98 00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:50,720 I thought the same. 99 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:52,800 It's where they used to hide the priests 100 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:55,440 back in the day when it was frowned upon to be a Catholic. 101 00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:58,560 Frowned upon? Dude, they were executed by the monarchy. 102 00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:00,400 Whatever. Anyway. 103 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:04,280 This one has a tunnel that leads from the far edge of the garden, 104 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:07,160 all the way to the wine vault. 105 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,640 WC? Is that wine cellar there? 106 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:13,680 Er, no, that's the lavvy, that. But it's round there somewhere. 107 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:15,720 - Yeah. It's blocked. - The toilet, or the tunnel? 108 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:17,520 That fucking line there… 109 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:20,400 means that the entrance to the wine vault is bricked up. 110 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:22,240 [Jim] I know that, smarty-pants. 111 00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:25,320 Do you think this is the first set of blueprints I've ever looked at? 112 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:26,240 No. 113 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:27,960 I've been putting in complaints 114 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:33,120 to the fucking council building regs office for fucking years. 115 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:37,040 You cunts want to build prefabricated shitboxes 116 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:40,320 near my land, you can fuck right off. 117 00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:45,440 My cows do not wanna be looking at piss-poor architecture! 118 00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:48,680 Who the… Who the fuck are you bollocking? 119 00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:52,360 Who's this that's all… It's like a fucking eight-foot man you're bollocking. 120 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:53,960 Fucking council, never mind. 121 00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:55,680 - Fuck me, dude. - Sorry, sorry. 122 00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:59,000 The reason we're going through there is because it is bricked up. 123 00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:00,760 No one's gonna expect it, know what I mean? 124 00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:03,520 - So, what is the plan? - I'll tell ya what the fucking plan is. 125 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:06,040 A bunch of youse are gonna be in the fucking game, 126 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:08,240 keeping your eyes on the guests. 127 00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:11,840 Most importantly, keeping 'em away from the fucking library, 128 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:16,000 'cause that's where we're gonna smash through, bang on 8:00 p.m. Yeah? 129 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:18,920 Jesus Christ. Bang on 8:00 p.m. 130 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,200 Very specific time, Vin, isn't it? 131 00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:26,200 It's all specific, it all matters, because at that time, 8:00 p.m., 132 00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:28,280 you're all gonna be in the fucking dining room, 133 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:31,120 which is the furthest point away from the wine vault. 134 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:34,640 So that, me, you and that fucking knobhead there, 135 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:38,480 can hoof the wine back up the priest hole, through the garden. 136 00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:40,520 I've gotta get to that Rascal with these men. 137 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:42,840 Once I send you the text, that's where were gonna meet. 138 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:45,400 - Dude, I can't make it now. I'm busy. - You on a date? 139 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:47,040 Yeah, yeah. Something like that. 140 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:49,600 Deliver me, dude. What the fuck? 141 00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:53,640 I have spent £250 on your ticket. 142 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:55,760 - Sorry. - I'll do it. I'm good at accents. 143 00:06:56,480 --> 00:07:00,800 Right. Erin, you will be… Brandy Vermouth. 144 00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:02,600 - Femme fatale. - Ooh! 145 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:05,880 Brandy Vermouth? That's just two drinks put together. Shit name. 146 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:08,880 Dude, I didn't come up with the fucking names here, guys, all right? 147 00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:10,200 These have been sent to me. 148 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:14,080 Cardi, you're gonna be Major Matters. 149 00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:16,000 Aye-aye, Captain. All right. 150 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:18,280 - Ashley? You will be… - Yeah, go on. 151 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:21,200 - Lord Rupert Harris. - [all] Ooh. 152 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:25,480 [in posh accent] Well, business me, that sounds like a lovely part. 153 00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:27,440 No fucking "business me". 154 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:29,400 You fucking idiot, no one's ever said that. 155 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:34,680 Right, Tommo. You're playing a fat little activist called Keith Jones. 156 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:36,360 [laughter] 157 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:38,400 What? Hang on. What… what kind of activist? 158 00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:40,160 Oh, what kind of fucking activist? 159 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:41,920 - I don't know! - A non-specific activist? 160 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:43,840 Jesus fuck… I'm wearing me own clothes, then. 161 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:46,320 All right. Carol. You will be… 162 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,320 [all impersonate drum roll] 163 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:50,480 - Hurry up, there. - Mrs Housekeeper. 164 00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:54,000 [Carol] Hold a fucking minute here, Mrs Housekeeper? 165 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:55,920 That's not even a fucking proper title, like. 166 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,000 That's fucking sexist bollocks if I ever heard it. 167 00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:00,600 Oi. Shut up. What the fuck is wrong wi' you lot? 168 00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:02,240 It's a robbery! 169 00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:05,160 Get your fucking heads in it. Does anyone have any questions? 170 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:08,080 - [overlapping chatter] - Everyone! That's everyone! 171 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:10,920 That's all… No, no, no. You'll stop right there. 172 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:12,480 What? 173 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:14,720 Is it just light nibbles, or is it big dinner as well? 174 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:17,840 I'm storming off. I'm stomping off. 175 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:20,440 - I'm fucking storming off, guys. No! - It's a fu… That is a fu… 176 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:23,600 It's a reasonable question. Do I need to eat before, or not? 177 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,280 [chuckles] 178 00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:29,400 [chimes] 179 00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:31,480 ["Beautifully Unconventional" playing] 180 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:37,120 [doorbell chimes] 181 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:43,520 Follow me, please. 182 00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:52,440 JJ. Let's do it, man. 183 00:08:57,400 --> 00:08:58,720 Jimbo? 184 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:00,440 - Is it down that one? - Jim? 185 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:02,840 - Jim! - Bang, bang, you're dead, lads. 186 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:05,040 It's all right, relax, it's only me. 187 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:06,880 Well, what you doing? What you wearing? 188 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:11,440 It's a disguise and a costume at the same time. Clever, eh? This way. 189 00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:13,760 Night vision goggles? It's twilight hour, dude. 190 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:16,080 - You can still get shit done. - [Jim] It's that there. 191 00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:18,160 - It's the thing. - Told ya, told ya. 192 00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:19,840 - It's the thing. - Told ya. 193 00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:22,080 - Fucking told ya. - Y'know what I mean? 194 00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:25,600 All right. Listen. Pry it up. 195 00:09:25,680 --> 00:09:28,680 No, don't prise it up like that. These old things are solid. 196 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:30,320 They're practically bomb proof. 197 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:31,960 [loud clattering] 198 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:35,160 I'm all right! 199 00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:39,280 [soft lounge music playing on speakers] 200 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:43,080 [crockery clinks] 201 00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:44,680 [chuckles] 202 00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:47,160 - Ash! - Very classy. 203 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:52,560 For fucking 250 quid, classy can go fuck itself. 204 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:54,720 - Canapé? - Bring 'em in, lad. 205 00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:01,680 - [keypad beeps] - Oi. You look like a twat, mate. 206 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:04,120 - [intercom rings] - [man chuckles] 207 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:07,840 - [man on intercom] What? - Er, yeah, Davey sent me. 208 00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:11,800 [door buzzes, unlocks] 209 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:16,480 [knock at door] 210 00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:18,120 How's it going? You all right? 211 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:22,000 Dylan. 212 00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:28,320 Here y'are. 213 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:34,040 How's it going? 214 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:37,280 - You Davey's guy? - Yeah, I am. 215 00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:40,400 - Where is he? - It's not his scene. 216 00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:43,280 Yeah, well, makes sense, don't it? 217 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:46,000 What the fuck's that supposed to mean? 218 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:48,680 Well, you've all got your clothes on and it's not 65 degrees. 219 00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:51,200 [quiet laughter] 220 00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:55,120 Let's hope you're not a fucking cheat like the last one he sent over. 221 00:10:57,560 --> 00:11:01,520 [Jim] Useless bastard black web Internet fucking shite. 222 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:03,560 I had to send bits of coins for that. 223 00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:05,360 It's not bit… It's Bitcoin, you thick… 224 00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:08,000 - Fucking no wonder they sent 'em back. - Vin. Vin, mate. 225 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:11,160 Okay, listen, right. I've not really told anyone this, 226 00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:13,440 but I've just got this really, like, deep fear, yeah, 227 00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:15,520 of being buried alive, and… and it's happening. 228 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:18,080 Gonna have to stop ya. It's not happening. Stop you there. 229 00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:20,880 Hundreds of years old, this buil… Why would it suddenly fall in... 230 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:23,080 - I'm really scared about... - Smaller the tunnel, 231 00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:26,800 the less chance there is of it collapsing and burying you alive. 232 00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:29,680 - Or is it more chance? - It's not. It's not a thing. 233 00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:31,720 It's not… Dude, it's not a thing. 234 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:34,120 Regardless of what it is, yeah, I'm gonna fuck off. 235 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:37,400 - [Jim] Hey! - Don't run away. Oh, for God's sake. 236 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:40,136 - Are you not gonna go after him? - No, fuck it. He'll be all right. 237 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:43,560 - [shouts] JJ, wait in the Rascal, yeah? - Yeah, man. So sorry, boys. 238 00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:46,200 Fucking hell. Check this out. Strobe. 239 00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:47,960 Hey, fucking hell. 240 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:50,440 - Come on, let's fucking rob this. - All right. 241 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:54,120 Yeah, I faked a panic attack, all right? 242 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:57,560 Just get here as soon as you can. I love you. 243 00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:01,280 [gong chimes] 244 00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:05,800 Your hosts, Mr and Mrs Carmichael King. 245 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,760 [man] Yeah! 246 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:12,600 Dear friends. Dear, dear friends. 247 00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:15,160 Thank you all for joining us here this evening. 248 00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:20,120 Although it pains me to announce that one of you… is a murderer. 249 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:21,360 [excited chatter] 250 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:24,520 Ten of these envelopes contain clues as to the identity 251 00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:28,200 of the evil fiend who killed my mother, God rest her soul. 252 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:32,600 [Inhales sharply] I shall avenge you, Mother! 253 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:37,000 [grunts] If you receive one of these, 254 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:38,880 then your job is to try and solve the murder 255 00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:41,520 without you yourself being killed. 256 00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:43,760 However… 257 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:47,160 In the 11th envelope is a red hand. 258 00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:50,240 If you receive this, then you are the killer, 259 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:52,360 and it is your job to try and kill 260 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:55,120 as many of your fellow guests as possible. 261 00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:59,000 I… I might pose a question in there. 262 00:12:59,680 --> 00:13:01,920 [in posh accent] Mr King, if you will permit meh? 263 00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:04,160 No! 264 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:09,600 Er, there are several other clues dotted throughout the house 265 00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:12,680 that will help you to solve the murder and catch the killer, 266 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:15,600 but the most important thing… have fun! 267 00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:17,720 - Yeah, if you must. - [chuckles] 268 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:21,440 Er, dinner will be served at 7:15 sharp. 269 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:27,040 We expect the killer to restrain his or her urges until after coffee. 270 00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:29,440 - [chuckles] - [gentle applause] 271 00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:30,360 Toodle pip. 272 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:33,080 Ash, you take the professor and the priest. 273 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:34,760 Right, you two, follow the Kings. 274 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:40,240 Tommo? You take the nurse and the, er… riding the fox thing, the man… 275 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,800 Yeah, but can we, you know, play the game a bit first? 276 00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:46,560 You know, 'cause I do consider myself to be quite the aesthete. 277 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:49,840 You have one job, Greta, 278 00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:53,040 make sure your two are in the dining room by 8:00 p.m. 279 00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:54,200 See ya. 280 00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:59,200 [slow music playing] 281 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:02,200 [Jim] What time is it, Vin? 282 00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:03,400 7:00. 283 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:05,480 [groans] 284 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:08,120 - Fuck! - What? 285 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,040 I've got loads of slugs shagging all me cabbages. 286 00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:13,160 I meant to put down some repellent. 287 00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:16,520 Well, fuck, can you not ask the poor lad that's working for you? 288 00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:18,360 He'll do it, won't he? 289 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:20,440 Great idea, Vin. 290 00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:25,920 Hello, is that Pascal? Yeah, it's Jim here. 291 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,240 Calling from a tunnel with no signal, 292 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:31,480 which is why I'm using me fucking hand! 293 00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:36,800 Cunt. 294 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:40,240 [speaking Russian] 295 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:41,960 You gonna pull 'em up on that? 296 00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:44,560 [continues speaking Russian] 297 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:47,480 [knocks table] Gentlemen, English at this table only, please. 298 00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:50,320 [coughing loudly] 299 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,080 Mate… I'm gonna take a piss. 300 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:55,240 No one leaves the table while they're playing. 301 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:57,840 No matter how full their fucking bladder is. 302 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:19,120 - [man] What the fuck? - [urine splashes] 303 00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:37,480 [man] Disgusting guy! 304 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:43,480 I'll see. 305 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:48,800 [cutlery clinking] 306 00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:59,160 Well, this is pretty fucking dull. 307 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:03,040 You're all supposed to be talking to each other in character. 308 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:05,440 You. Brandy Vermouth. 309 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:07,160 Tell me something about yourself. 310 00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:11,760 Okay. Erm… I have a son called Ty... 311 00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:15,120 No, no, no, no. Tell me something about Brandy. 312 00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:17,560 Okay. 313 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:21,680 I once ran over a man's head outside of a night club, 314 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,280 - and I buried him… alive. - [gasping] 315 00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:26,280 - [chuckles] - Brilliant. 316 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,280 - [mouthing] - Brilliant. She's getting it. Erm… 317 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:31,360 Who's next? You, Major. 318 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:33,360 I… I… I… 319 00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:35,400 [hesitates] 320 00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:39,440 Yeah, pathetic. Erm… You, do you cry when you masturbate? 321 00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:42,920 Well, I wouldn't say floods. I've definitely had a drizzle or two... 322 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,160 Not you, you fucking simpleton. The priest. 323 00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:48,480 - No. - Are you sure? 324 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:51,320 Is that what it said in the character breakdown 325 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:53,040 my wife wrote for you? 326 00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:59,120 - I cry when I masturbate. - He cries when he masturbates! 327 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:01,120 Could he be the murderer? 328 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:05,520 Oh, come on. It's supposed to be fun. Talk to each other! 329 00:17:05,599 --> 00:17:08,040 [clears throat] So, you're a professor, are ya… 330 00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:09,640 - Yep. - What of? 331 00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:11,960 Not fucking dentistry, is it? 332 00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:17,839 [clears throat] Erm… 333 00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:21,440 We shall now move to the library for dessert. 334 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:25,839 Yes! This is where the fun really starts. [laughs] 335 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,599 [ticks noisily] 336 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:30,400 You ready, Vin? 337 00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:32,280 - 'Cause a scene. - What? 338 00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:33,360 It's nearly 8:00 p.m. 339 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,120 We can't go in the library until Vinnie has smashed down the wall. 340 00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:37,200 - Oh. - Go. 341 00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:42,160 I'd like to propose a toast to Mr King there, 342 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:45,240 for their hospitality… by song. 343 00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:47,040 Mate, just leave me gong alone, yeah? 344 00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:49,960 Yeah, just give me one quick go, and I'll be… 345 00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:52,360 [singing, gong sounding] 346 00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:59,960 - [gong chimes] - [incoherent, discordant singing] 347 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,360 - Right. - Fuck, dude, I hope they can't hear. 348 00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:11,160 [laughs] 349 00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:13,640 - [gong chimes loudly] - [incoherent, discordant singing] 350 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:15,960 Cut! 351 00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:19,960 Library, now. Fuck's sake. 352 00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:22,040 [inhales] Thank you. 353 00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:25,480 Sorry. 354 00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:28,680 [Mr King] Not in the character description, but never mind. 355 00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:32,320 - [wall crumbles] - [Vinnie] Fuck, dude. Shit. 356 00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:35,760 [Jim] Argh! 357 00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:42,880 I wonder where the door is. 358 00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:47,400 [Vinnie] Hey. Oh, fuck me in the bum. 359 00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:49,320 - [Jim] Oh, fucking hell. - Yes, madam. 360 00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:50,880 - [Jim] Fucking hell. - Yes, madam. 361 00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:53,080 - Where's the fucking lights? - [Jim] Yes, yes, yes. 362 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:55,800 Oh, fuck, dude. Look at this shit. 363 00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:57,480 - Fucking jackpot. - Fantastic. 364 00:18:57,560 --> 00:19:01,640 Bayswater. The mayor of… Cheam… 365 00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:05,280 and Phil Brilliance, who was a terrific fencer. 366 00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:07,360 Have you nearly finished? 367 00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:10,840 Kurt! [snaps fingers] 368 00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:13,200 Now. 369 00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:16,360 Remember, if you are dispatched by the killer, 370 00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:18,800 you must return here, to the library. 371 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:22,360 Now, let the game commence! 372 00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:24,040 [single cheer] 373 00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:26,320 [indistinct chattering, giggling] 374 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:29,280 [Mr King] Come. Let me put you in touch with my tailor. 375 00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:31,920 ["Salvation" playing] 376 00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,160 - Let Kurt go. - Okay. 377 00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:38,120 [softly] Wait till I hear from Vinnie, make your excuses and leave. 378 00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:39,440 What do we do in the meantime? 379 00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:42,600 Look like you're having fun. Enjoy yourself. 380 00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:44,960 [Cardi] Got your big sign, Tom, yeah? 381 00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:00,720 Boom! [laughs] You're dead, mate. 382 00:20:02,360 --> 00:20:05,280 ♪ Rain is falling ♪ 383 00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:09,160 ♪ I remember nothing ♪ 384 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:12,000 ♪ When I think of you… ♪ 385 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,080 - [yells] - [shrieks] 386 00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:16,520 - Argh! [laughs] - [screams] 387 00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:19,600 Dickhead. 388 00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:25,680 ♪ I remember nothing ♪ 389 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:28,840 ♪ When I think of you… ♪ 390 00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:30,960 [groans] 391 00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:32,680 Ha! 392 00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:37,840 ♪ Consolation… ♪ 393 00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:41,200 Get out of that, then. [laughs] 394 00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:44,840 ♪ But I don't need you… ♪ 395 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:47,600 - [grunts] - [indistinct shouting] 396 00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:50,680 Ah, you dickhead. 397 00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:53,960 ♪ Consolation… ♪ 398 00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:56,000 Sod off. Sod off, leave me alone. 399 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:57,320 ♪ Consolation… ♪ 400 00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:58,400 [mouthing] 401 00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:01,040 - Do you want a bit? - Go on, then. 402 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:07,160 Get that down ya. [grunts] 403 00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:10,120 Yep! [sighs] 404 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:14,400 - This is all shite. - That's old. 405 00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:17,520 You can get all this crap at the Grab'nGo. 406 00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:20,280 - [smashes] - Oi. What the fudge, dude? 407 00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:22,880 You giant turd. They'll fucking hear us, man. 408 00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:25,240 Give over, man, they'll all be well pissed by now. 409 00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:27,920 - Robbery, dude. - Probably fucked off the murder mystery 410 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:31,040 and have just cracked straight on with the fucking orgy. 411 00:21:31,120 --> 00:21:33,960 There's no orgies, Jim. It's fucking Murder Mystery night, dude. 412 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:35,600 Course there's a fucking orgy. 413 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:39,000 Poshos can't keep their todgers out of other people's wives. 414 00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:41,840 I don't care anyway. 415 00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:44,920 They're all the same, these posh houses. 416 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,680 Everything fucking stinks of wet wool, 417 00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:51,280 and the decor's all fucking taxidermy, 418 00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:56,360 and lugers and cushions with pugs on dressed as fucking admirals. 419 00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:59,800 Jim, that's your house. You've just described your house. 420 00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:02,400 I do not have any cushions, Vin. 421 00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:04,720 I'm not a fucking woman. 422 00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,720 Right, fucking shite! 423 00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:12,680 Oh, bingo. Vinnie! 424 00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:14,600 [whispers] Fucking look. 425 00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:17,760 - Ah. - Give us a leg up, leg up, hey, come on. 426 00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:20,200 Fuck that. Dude, dude, dude. Just jump on that. 427 00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:22,280 I'll push you up against the wall. On three, yeah? 428 00:22:22,360 --> 00:22:23,600 - Yeah, yeah. - All right, then. 429 00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:26,960 One, two… You dickhead, that were two! 430 00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:29,360 They're two-and-a-half grand a fucking crate. 431 00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:32,240 - You just be careful, will ya? - I've got it. I've got one. 432 00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:34,960 It's your arse cheeks, they're like fucking pitta breads. 433 00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:37,800 We can fucking do this the other way round if you want, Vinnie. 434 00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:40,080 I'm sure you'll be fucking better off up here. 435 00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:44,520 [inhales] 436 00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:48,680 See. 437 00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:54,800 - [slurps, gulps] - I'll raise 2,000. 438 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:08,160 ["Salvation" playing] 439 00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:22,200 Bingo! 440 00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:24,320 Ah. [chuckles] 441 00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:27,840 I've been waiting up here for ages. Close the door. 442 00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:32,480 Now, I thought it'd be fun to make it look really messy. 443 00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:34,920 You know, get some good promo shots for the socials. 444 00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:37,640 It's not real. 445 00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:40,280 I'm gonna film you shooting me, 446 00:23:40,360 --> 00:23:44,400 and then, er, we'll squirt some oil and greasepaint on the floor. 447 00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:46,960 Put on a show for that lot downstairs. [laughs] 448 00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:48,680 So. Ready? 449 00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:52,640 Oh, please. Please don't shoot me! 450 00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:53,920 I have a daughter, you know. 451 00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:59,360 Are you sure it's not loaded, mate? 'Cause it is quite heavy, you know. 452 00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:01,240 Yes. Just pull the fucking trigger. 453 00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:03,800 Oh, no, he's going to shoot me! 454 00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:05,280 Come on. 455 00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:09,840 - Oh, well in. Fucking hell. - Fifteen fucking grand, eh! 456 00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:11,880 Seriously, we've got to get the fuck out of here. 457 00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:14,520 We've got to move them down the priest hole. Can you manage two? 458 00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:16,520 Two? I could carry fucking six if I wanted. 459 00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:21,720 - Mind out that prop there, dickhead. - All right. 460 00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:24,560 I've crawled through more fucking tunnels… 461 00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:27,040 - No, no, no, no! - [wall crumbles] 462 00:24:27,120 --> 00:24:31,240 - [screams] - Well done. I mean, fuck me, dickhead. 463 00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:34,040 Well, a fucking stupid place for a prop. 464 00:24:34,120 --> 00:24:36,080 A fucking kid could've cycled into that. 465 00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:38,480 - Why would a kid have bike down here? - Argh! 466 00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:40,600 - Why would a child have a bike down here? - Vinnie! 467 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:42,360 Dude. Fuck me, man. 468 00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:44,560 Well, I mean, that's two crates down now, in't it? 469 00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:47,000 You fucking lemon. Gonna have to go through the house. 470 00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:48,920 Stop being such a wet arsehole. 471 00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:51,160 - Shoot me, you little prick! - Fine. I will do. 472 00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:02,000 ♪ I need salvation ♪ 473 00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:05,880 ♪ But I don't need you… ♪ 474 00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:11,320 ["Who's Sorry Now" playing] 475 00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:15,240 ♪ Who's sorry now? ♪ 476 00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:18,280 [discordant screams] 477 00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:19,440 ♪ Who's sorry now?… ♪ 478 00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:20,840 [gunshot] 479 00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:23,200 [echoing] Shoot me, you little prick! 480 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:25,600 ♪ Whose heart… ♪ 481 00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:27,960 [frantic, discordant music playing] 482 00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:30,960 [in jarring voice] Oh, my gosh! 483 00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:32,840 [piercing screams] 484 00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:34,480 [in drawn-out voice] Oh, my gosh. 485 00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:38,320 [frantic music continues] 486 00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:41,360 [music fades] 487 00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:44,880 - [music plays faintly] - [engine purrs] 488 00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:56,520 [squeals] You've done all this for me? 489 00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:57,680 Yeah. 490 00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:00,320 Well, you know, if… 491 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:03,240 If my firstborn has to be conceived in the back of a Bedford Rascal, 492 00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:07,200 then… I want it to be a little bit special. 493 00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:09,400 ["Don't Delete the Kisses" playing] 494 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:19,520 - Come on. - [both chuckle] 495 00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:21,600 [whispers] What was that noise? 496 00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:23,760 I am panicking here, you need to call me ASAP. 497 00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:27,200 I don't know what the fuck… Did you hear that? 498 00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:30,400 It sounded like a fucking earthquake. 499 00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:33,040 I were… upstairs. 500 00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:35,560 What is wrong with you? 501 00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:38,640 - You heard from Vinnie? - No. 502 00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:42,280 - No. I haven't either. Fuck! - [phone chimes] 503 00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:47,840 Right, you go find the others, I'll wait in the library. 504 00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:50,800 We need to be ready to leave as soon as they get out. 505 00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:53,200 [sighs] 506 00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:56,200 [echoing] I have a daughter, you know. 507 00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:57,960 [echoing] Oh, no, he's going to shoot me. 508 00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:00,320 [speaking Russian] 509 00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:05,880 What are they saying? 510 00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:08,480 That someone here is a cheat. 511 00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:12,120 - It's not you, is it? - Hey. 512 00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:14,200 I was told no guns. 513 00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:22,400 [heartbeat pounding] 514 00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:30,440 - [sound clears] - Gentlemen. If I can remind you… 515 00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:33,000 There's no firearms at the table. 516 00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:38,240 [sniggers] 517 00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:47,720 [man scoffs] Fucking amateur. 518 00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:50,200 [snores noisily] 519 00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:25,560 - What the fuck was that noise? - [whispers] Sorry. 520 00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:27,400 - [whispering] The tunnel has caved in. - No. 521 00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:29,920 Me and Jim are gonna have to go through the fucking house now. 522 00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:32,280 - Where's JJ? - He's had a panic attack. 523 00:28:32,360 --> 00:28:33,560 - [phone chimes] - Shit! 524 00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:34,920 Turn it on silent. 525 00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:38,800 Fuck, I've had a load of missed calls from our Dill. 526 00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:40,400 Answer it. Just answer it. 527 00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:43,520 - What's going on? - Vin, help me, dude. 528 00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:45,240 I'm really sorry, dude, I've fucked up. 529 00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:47,880 Hey, just fucking hell, slow down, man. What's going on? 530 00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:50,240 - [muffled chatter] - I'm doing a job for Davey. 531 00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:51,840 - What? - Dude, I know. 532 00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:53,840 It's a poker night. It's just a poker night. 533 00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:56,240 I was trying to get some money for the community centre. 534 00:28:56,320 --> 00:28:58,800 And… and, dude, they've got guns. They've got guns. 535 00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:01,320 If I make a single fucking mistake, they're gonna kill me. 536 00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:02,800 They're not gonna kill you, Dylan. 537 00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:04,160 - Jesus Christ. - [knock at door] 538 00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:06,200 - [man] Open the door. Come on. - I need to go. 539 00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:08,120 I'll text the address in case I don't get out. 540 00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:09,920 - Just hang… Fuck me. - [line disconnects] 541 00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:14,320 - What the fuck is that all about? - [phone chimes] 542 00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:16,160 - What the fuck have you got him into? - Oi. 543 00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:18,200 Hang on a minute. I haven't got him into fuck all. 544 00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:20,520 You heard that message. I don't know what's going on. 545 00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:22,320 I told you not to fuck with the MacDonaghs. 546 00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:24,880 Not only did you not listen to me, you fucking lied to my face. 547 00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:28,320 - It's like McCann all over again. - No, you can fuck off, now! 548 00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:31,040 I'm fucking doing all this shit, for you and the community centre. 549 00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:34,520 I'm not talking about this. I'm talking about the MacDonaghs, 550 00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:36,560 all the dangerous people you fucking work with. 551 00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:38,960 I don't wanna be involved with these dangerous people. 552 00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:39,880 You fucking do. 553 00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:42,600 I don't want it either. I'm doing it for you. 554 00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:44,280 - I'm doing it for the gang. - What? 555 00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:45,360 I do it for all of us. 556 00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:47,080 All I ever do is think about you. 557 00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:49,240 All I ever do is try and please you, keep you here. 558 00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:52,400 And all you ever wanna do is fuck off and leave me. 559 00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:54,360 You know, you left with me little boy. 560 00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:57,200 You didn't tell me where you'd gone. I was fucking terrified. 561 00:29:57,280 --> 00:30:01,760 Terrified. You know, did you really just fuck off because of McCann? 562 00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:05,720 Or was that just a convenient excuse to get the fuck away from the likes of me? 563 00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:09,560 Is that what you really think of me? 564 00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:14,720 ["Angel in the Snow" playing] 565 00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:17,520 No. 566 00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:20,280 No, it's not. 567 00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:25,480 [phone clatters] 568 00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:28,640 I don't know why I said it. I'm sorry. 569 00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:33,200 I'm just a fucking disaster. 570 00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:38,360 I just fuck… I fucking ruin everything. 571 00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:41,800 I sometimes wonder… 572 00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:48,320 if you ever hate me… 573 00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:52,120 as much as I hate meself? 574 00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:56,120 Vin. 575 00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:58,480 Of course I don't hate ya. 576 00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:03,000 I need ya. 577 00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:07,840 You make me feel safe… 578 00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:09,880 when I'm not safe. 579 00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:15,960 And that's why I'm still here. 580 00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:19,640 I fucking love you. 581 00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:40,840 ♪ Don't you know that I love you? ♪ 582 00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:48,560 - Mmm-hmm. - [chuckles] 583 00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:51,000 - No. - We need to get the wine out. 584 00:31:51,080 --> 00:31:52,280 - Okay? - Mmm. 585 00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:54,240 Give me ten minutes to find the others… 586 00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:56,600 [whispers] and to get the dead guests out the library. 587 00:31:57,320 --> 00:31:58,880 - Okay. - Okay. 588 00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:00,640 ["Horn Concerto No. 4" playing] 589 00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:03,040 - Oh, my God. - You've got red all over your lips. 590 00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:05,120 - Oh, shit. - Yeah. 591 00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:14,920 [laughter] 592 00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:25,640 Lads, lads, lads, there's a fox out there in the garden 593 00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:27,880 if you lot want to go out there and beat it to death. 594 00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:29,680 Just go out and look at it. 595 00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:32,240 It's lovely, like… Just look at the lovely fox. 596 00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:35,000 - Yeah. Yeah, I want to see a fox. - [guests mumbling] 597 00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:37,920 Yeah, it's massive. It's the size of, like… 598 00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:40,520 It's like a… a Mini. 599 00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:44,040 You lot, get in there. 600 00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:48,000 [whispers] Ash. 601 00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:50,080 [music continues] 602 00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:54,880 - Ah, a secret book door! - Yes. Go, go. Go on. 603 00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:57,800 - Where the fuck is Tommo? - I have no idea. Come on. 604 00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:00,640 Are we getting out of here, or what? Come on. Quick, quick, quick. 605 00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:02,720 [music continues] 606 00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:14,360 [dialling] 607 00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:17,520 Get me the police. 608 00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:20,840 - [object smashes] - [music stops] 609 00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:22,280 Oh, goodness me, I'm so sorry. 610 00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:24,080 - [muttering] - Here! Here! Here! 611 00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:25,280 Hey, dickhead. 612 00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:31,320 - What the fuck is that smell? - It's fucking wet wool, I told ya. 613 00:33:35,320 --> 00:33:36,920 [door closes] 614 00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:38,720 [whispers] Tommo? 615 00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:41,360 Tommo? 616 00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:46,520 I killed him. 617 00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:49,040 I killed him. I… 618 00:33:50,280 --> 00:33:52,520 Come here. Shh, shh. 619 00:33:52,920 --> 00:33:53,800 Quick! 620 00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:56,360 [shouting in Russian] 621 00:33:56,440 --> 00:33:59,200 Just admit you've rigged the game and I'll let you go! 622 00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:00,880 What do you fucking mean, let me go? 623 00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:07,040 - You've been fucking us all night. - No! Fuck. Whoa. What the fuck is that? 624 00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:09,320 - Dude, I haven't. - Nah, I don't think he has, Foz. 625 00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:11,320 Stop the game. Everyone gets their money back. 626 00:34:11,840 --> 00:34:14,000 You do that, I'll throw you off the balcony. 627 00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:14,960 All money returned. 628 00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:16,800 - Tonight never happened. - [gun cocks] 629 00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:17,880 [gasps] 630 00:34:18,159 --> 00:34:20,679 I'm not a cheat, dude. Nothing has been rigged. 631 00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:23,360 You've just had a shit night. 632 00:34:26,719 --> 00:34:27,760 Argh! 633 00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:31,600 That's me out. 634 00:34:34,719 --> 00:34:37,480 You kept up with us, no problem. 635 00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:41,080 Some blokes find us a bit much. [laughs] 636 00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:44,320 I'll let Davey know you're up for the next one. 637 00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:46,199 [glasses clink] 638 00:34:46,679 --> 00:34:48,120 Sound. 639 00:34:48,199 --> 00:34:51,000 [slowly] Dylan, are you okay? 640 00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:53,880 There's no reception, man. The fuck… 641 00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:55,719 [all] Shh! 642 00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:57,840 Don't slam it like that, dude. 643 00:34:57,920 --> 00:34:59,920 - [whispers] Fucking hell. - I've killed a man. 644 00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:02,000 - Have you? Bloody hell. - Vinnie. 645 00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:06,920 Vinnie, I've… I've killed a man. 646 00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:08,840 I have killed Mr King. 647 00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:11,880 - Ah, you're the murderer, then, Tommo? - Yes. 648 00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:13,680 - I have murdered… - No, you haven't. 649 00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:15,200 …a human man. 650 00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:20,080 Right, I have crossed a boundary… which cannot be uncrossed. 651 00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:21,240 Dial it down a bit, Tommo. 652 00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:23,600 - It's not like you really killed him. - [phone chimes] 653 00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:27,080 No fucking reception here. Stop being a slag. Oi. Look at me! 654 00:35:27,160 --> 00:35:29,520 - Stop being a tart. - I fucking have killed him. 655 00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:31,616 - But you didn't kill him, did you? - I fucking did. 656 00:35:31,640 --> 00:35:34,120 Why am I covered in blood, then, hey, Vinnie? 657 00:35:34,200 --> 00:35:37,120 - Vinnie, why am I cover... - Oh, my God, it's real blood. It is, Vin. 658 00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:40,840 It's not real. You know, what have you been on, you, tonight? 659 00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:44,480 - A bit of coke, little bit of ketamine. - Right. 660 00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:46,840 - Tiny bit of mescaline to round it off. - Fuck's sake. 661 00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:48,960 - That's three fucking… - Is that all? 662 00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:51,760 Three fucking things. You tripled yourself… tripled yourself, 663 00:35:51,840 --> 00:35:54,200 now you're tripping bollocks in a fucking stately home. 664 00:35:54,280 --> 00:35:58,280 It's like the woods all over again. You've gone too far. It's a bad trip. 665 00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:00,040 - I'm having a bad trip. - Yes. 666 00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:02,120 - You're having a bad trip, Tom. - It's a bad trip. 667 00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:05,880 - [all muttering] - [frantic laughter] 668 00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:08,800 - You're all right. - It's a fucking bad trip. 669 00:36:08,880 --> 00:36:10,920 [muffled chatter] 670 00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:14,000 I'm having a bad trip. Yeah. [laughs frantically] 671 00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:16,400 - [all] Ssh! - [giggles nervously] 672 00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:18,760 - I don't know if I am having a… - Shut the fuck up. 673 00:36:18,840 --> 00:36:20,960 Shut up. You are. Shut the fuck up. Listen. 674 00:36:21,040 --> 00:36:23,640 You three, fuck off in there. You're staying here. 675 00:36:23,720 --> 00:36:26,600 - Just come on. - I can't carry them. My back's fucked. 676 00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:30,160 Why couldn't you have just stayed at home watching Wild Geese? 677 00:36:30,240 --> 00:36:31,760 - 'Cause I... - I swear to fucking God! 678 00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:33,920 ["Space & Time" playing] 679 00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:48,400 [music continues] 680 00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:52,480 [Kurt] Yah! 681 00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:54,160 [growls] 682 00:36:54,240 --> 00:36:56,360 [makes exaggerated martial arts sounds] 683 00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:59,120 [Jim mumbles] 684 00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:00,560 Ow! 685 00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:04,680 Cunt. 686 00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:08,240 Argh, me fucking back! [groans] 687 00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:10,360 [Ash] JJ. Open up. 688 00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:11,680 [Sugar] Two minutes. 689 00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:14,960 Fucking hell. 690 00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:17,840 - [siren wails] - Hey. Fucking pigs. Fucking leg it! 691 00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:21,160 Ah, me fucking back. Jesus Christ. 692 00:37:22,560 --> 00:37:25,720 - [moaning noisily] - I fucking hate rows. 693 00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:28,640 - Oh, fuck me. - All right? 694 00:37:28,720 --> 00:37:29,800 [door closes] 695 00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:32,440 Don't panic. I'm just gonna tell ya, just gonna say it out loud. 696 00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:35,600 The police are here. It's the police. [shushing] 697 00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:37,360 [grunting] Stop it! 698 00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:38,920 [police radio chatter] 699 00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:42,200 Oh, thank God you're here. 700 00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:45,400 I didn't say anything to the guests in case they tried to run. 701 00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:49,560 But… I think something terrible has happened to my husband. 702 00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:51,840 - Your husband? - Yes. 703 00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:55,960 Were you one of the topless milkmaids at Daddy's 80th? 704 00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:57,200 We're here about the wine. 705 00:37:58,000 --> 00:37:59,960 Mrs King. We're here about the… 706 00:38:00,720 --> 00:38:01,720 What the… 707 00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:04,840 We're here because there's been… 708 00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:06,640 a murder! 709 00:38:06,880 --> 00:38:09,120 - [chokes] - Have you killed a man? 710 00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:12,520 - No, no. Tom, Tom, Tom. - Ah… 711 00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:14,840 It were me, but it were an accident. 712 00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:16,840 - You took the wine? - I murdered her husband! 713 00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:19,880 - [gasping] - I murdered her fucking husband! 714 00:38:19,960 --> 00:38:22,080 - No, he didn't. Hold on… - Control. 715 00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:23,040 [handcuffs click] 716 00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:24,840 We've a suspected homicide, request backup. 717 00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:26,440 [tearfully] I'm fucked in the head. 718 00:38:26,520 --> 00:38:28,720 Ta-da! [laughs] 719 00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:31,720 - [screams] - I fooled you all! 720 00:38:31,800 --> 00:38:35,080 See? He's fine. No homicide. 721 00:38:35,640 --> 00:38:37,040 Where have you been all evening? 722 00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:38,880 I smashed my coccyx going out the window, 723 00:38:38,960 --> 00:38:41,040 'cause Kurt forgot to set the fucking crash mat! 724 00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:46,160 Yes, you all thought I was dead, but I am in fact… alive! 725 00:38:46,240 --> 00:38:47,880 [laughs nervously] 726 00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:52,680 Well, hang on. Did no one think I was dead? 727 00:38:52,760 --> 00:38:55,480 [weakly] I did very much think you were dead. 728 00:38:55,560 --> 00:38:57,720 This has completely ruined my whole fucking evening. 729 00:38:57,800 --> 00:39:01,720 Do you have any idea of the prep I put in to make that death look convincing? 730 00:39:02,400 --> 00:39:06,040 And you philistines turn up here in your cheap suits, 731 00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:08,440 and you piss all over it! 732 00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:10,360 Well, you can all fuck off! 733 00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:13,560 Go on, fuck off, fuck off, fuck off! 734 00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:16,760 - Everyone. Party's over! - But what about the wine? 735 00:39:16,840 --> 00:39:20,480 No, if these lovely people want us to fuck off, off we shall fuck. 736 00:39:20,560 --> 00:39:22,680 Control, can you cancel that, please? 737 00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:24,920 - I've gotta go back. I've gotta go back. - No, Vinnie. 738 00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:27,000 - Sweetheart, I've got to do it. - Vinnie, please. 739 00:39:27,080 --> 00:39:29,120 I'll come back, I'll come back, I'll come back. 740 00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:32,760 ["How Long Do I Have to Wait for You?" playing] 741 00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:40,160 ♪ How long Do I have to wait for you, honey? ♪ 742 00:39:40,240 --> 00:39:43,760 ♪ Before a girl like me can move on ♪ 743 00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:47,000 ♪ Ooh, baby, tell me how long ♪ 744 00:39:47,080 --> 00:39:49,240 ♪ Do I have to wait for you, honey? ♪ 745 00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:50,680 - ♪ Before… ♪ - [music stops] 746 00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:54,160 - What the fuck? - Shit. 747 00:39:54,240 --> 00:39:55,720 You're a fucking ponce! 748 00:39:56,560 --> 00:39:58,080 Perfumed ponce. 749 00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:01,440 ["The Others" playing] 750 00:40:01,520 --> 00:40:03,520 ♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪ 751 00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:07,120 ♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪ 752 00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:11,000 ♪ Oh-oh-oh… ♪ 753 00:40:11,960 --> 00:40:13,320 - [giggling] - [indistinct chatter] 754 00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:14,920 - Oh! - Fun party? 755 00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:17,320 ♪ …boys go dancing ♪ 756 00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:21,520 ♪ Jumbled in the urban heat ♪ 757 00:40:21,600 --> 00:40:24,480 ♪ Safety in the darkness ♪ 758 00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:28,640 ♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪ 759 00:40:28,720 --> 00:40:32,080 ♪ Just around the corner ♪ 760 00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:35,640 ♪ That's a different story ♪ 761 00:40:35,720 --> 00:40:38,360 ♪ They're the salt of the earth ♪ 762 00:40:38,440 --> 00:40:41,960 ♪ Show your poor mouth Forget about it, drink up… ♪ 763 00:40:42,240 --> 00:40:44,360 [trills] Christopher. 764 00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:46,760 You're joking. 765 00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:50,280 Fuck me. 766 00:40:51,120 --> 00:40:53,480 - You didn't! - I fucking did. Check it out, man. 767 00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:55,120 [exhales enthusiastically] God. 768 00:40:55,200 --> 00:40:58,160 I can't wait to see his face when he sees this lot gone. 769 00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:01,400 - Where's the rest of it? - Don't ask. Fucking hell. 770 00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:03,880 - Do you still want it? - Yeah! 771 00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:07,240 - I've got Melissa coming round tonight. - Melissa? 772 00:41:07,320 --> 00:41:10,440 - What happened to thingamajig's daughter? - Oh, no. Fizzled out. 773 00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:13,800 She used to like to lie stock still whenever we made love. 774 00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:15,800 It was a bit weird. It was like she was dead. 775 00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:17,760 - Do you know what this is? - No. 776 00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:20,240 So, it's five grand, yeah? 777 00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:23,280 Yeah. Oi, oi, look at him. 778 00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:26,000 Chequely McChequeson. Are you fucking mad? 779 00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:28,120 I'm not the postal service. 780 00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:30,480 I'm a criminal. It has to be cash in hand. 781 00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:31,880 - All right. - Turnip! 782 00:41:31,960 --> 00:41:34,280 All right, I'll give you five for these two. 783 00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:37,680 Give you another grand for this. 784 00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:39,440 ["I Got You Babe" playing] 785 00:41:39,520 --> 00:41:40,600 A grand? 786 00:41:47,560 --> 00:41:48,800 Erin? 787 00:41:53,720 --> 00:41:54,920 Erin? 788 00:41:55,560 --> 00:41:56,560 Hi. 789 00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:00,880 How much did you get? 790 00:42:01,320 --> 00:42:03,480 - Five grand. - [chuckles] 791 00:42:03,560 --> 00:42:06,440 [gasps] Oh, my God. 792 00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:08,920 I mean, we would've got more, but Jim's an arsehole. 793 00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:11,600 [chuckles] Vin! Oh, my God. 794 00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:14,800 - That's amazing, thank you. - You're welcome. 795 00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:17,320 I got you a present. 796 00:42:18,240 --> 00:42:20,960 - Why? - I'm just sorry, that's all. 797 00:42:21,040 --> 00:42:22,040 What for? 798 00:42:23,200 --> 00:42:24,200 Just… 799 00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:26,560 saying them things. I… 800 00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:29,280 - I didn't mean it. - I know. 801 00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:36,080 [laughs] Oh, my God. 802 00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:39,800 - It's fucking old. - That is amazing. Thank you. 803 00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:42,920 - No way. - Shall we drink it? 804 00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:45,440 - Now? - Yeah. Go and put that dress back on. 805 00:42:45,520 --> 00:42:48,440 - Brandy. Made me randy. - Randy? 806 00:42:48,520 --> 00:42:50,840 ♪ You got me, babe ♪ 807 00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:53,080 ♪ I got you, babe ♪ 808 00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:55,440 Me and the lads have had a bit of business in the woods. 809 00:42:55,520 --> 00:42:58,400 - We're looking for someone. - I'm at a rave, Vin. 810 00:42:58,480 --> 00:43:01,760 She just turned up in your shed like E.T. did at Elliott's gaff? 811 00:43:02,040 --> 00:43:04,080 - Bizarre. - [retches] Oh, God. 812 00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:06,120 It's awful high. This is basically space. 813 00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:07,800 Ta-dah! 814 00:43:07,880 --> 00:43:09,520 - I don't know. - [wire fizzes] 815 00:43:09,600 --> 00:43:12,280 - Ooh. - [mutters] Fuckwit. 816 00:43:13,480 --> 00:43:14,560 [Vinnie] Look normal. 817 00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:16,840 - Where is she? - Huh? 818 00:43:17,640 --> 00:43:20,800 ♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪ 819 00:43:21,840 --> 00:43:24,880 ♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪ 820 00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:29,320 ♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪ 821 00:43:30,120 --> 00:43:33,120 ♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪ 822 00:43:34,600 --> 00:43:37,120 ♪ Give me the strength to carry on ♪ 823 00:43:38,800 --> 00:43:41,280 ♪ Give me the strength to carry on ♪ 824 00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:45,400 ♪ 'Cause everything I got Is just about gone… ♪ 63527

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