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1
00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:13,200
[tyres screech]
2
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:16,960
The Psychic Vine. What the fuck does
he want to meet us here for, eh?
3
00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:18,560
- Fuck knows.
- Mmm.
4
00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:20,080
Did you not ask him?
5
00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:23,560
No. It was fucking via text, weren't it?
6
00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:25,800
Via text, he says,
7
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:27,680
as if it's not possible,
8
00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:30,640
to pose a question through
the medium of the typed word.
9
00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:33,320
It is fucking hard to pose
a medium through a…
10
00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:36,920
- I'm fucking bad, I'm dyslexic, aren't I?
- You are, you are.
11
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,200
- Do you know what I mean?
- That predictive text shit.
12
00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:40,760
Does my fucking… Does my head in.
13
00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:45,160
It's like when you… you messaged me.
"Been to see Tyler and Erin."
14
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:48,920
- "So glad to see their smiling faeces."
- [laughter]
15
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,000
Oh, fucking hell, here he is.
16
00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:54,760
- Shit!
- [Davey] Vincent. Thomas.
17
00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:55,760
You all right, Davey?
18
00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:57,120
You brought the weed?
19
00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:58,400
- Yeah.
- Ask him, then.
20
00:00:58,480 --> 00:00:59,600
No, you fucking ask him.
21
00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:01,160
[Tommo] Ask him.
22
00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:04,280
Why are we meeting
outside a crystal bollocks shop?
23
00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:06,640
Clara Marie. My clairvoyant.
24
00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:08,080
- Clairvoy…
- Clairvoyant?
25
00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:09,720
Clairvoyant.
26
00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:11,400
["Money (That's What I Want)" playing]
27
00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:13,400
♪ The best things in life are free ♪
28
00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:16,200
♪ But you can give them
To the birds and bees ♪
29
00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:19,080
- ♪ I need money ♪
- ♪ That's what I want… ♪
30
00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:21,480
[Clara Marie hums and murmurs]
31
00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:24,960
[blows raspberry and sniffs]
32
00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:30,680
Oh, yes, I am seeing…
a fruitful partnership.
33
00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:34,640
I'm seeing wealth and prosperity.
34
00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:38,720
Your business interests
are getting stronger.
35
00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:41,640
Oh, but wait. There's betrayal from…
36
00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:44,280
a bald man.
37
00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:46,000
[Clara Marie inhales]
38
00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:50,640
Hmm… Oh, no, wait. It's fading.
39
00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:54,080
Ooh… No. It's not strong.
40
00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:57,400
Wait. Oh, where are you going, you shit?
41
00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:00,360
No, come back… Hang on.
42
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:01,960
Wait.
43
00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:04,320
Sorry. No, it's fucked off.
44
00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:06,280
Did you not get anything?
45
00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:11,960
Well, there was a man… on the floor.
Possibly the bald man.
46
00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:16,840
And it felt like…
it was the last day of his life.
47
00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:20,440
- Did it?
- Thank you, Clara. As always.
48
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:24,400
- Right, Vincent, you're up next.
- No, no. No, thank you.
49
00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:28,200
I appreciate that, but I'd rather
my future be a surprise.
50
00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:29,360
We're both good. Thank you.
51
00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:30,520
- I'll go.
- No, no.
52
00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:34,320
Be my guest.
Thinning a bit up on top there, Vincent.
53
00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:36,200
Right. Okay.
54
00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:41,320
Fucking hell!
Good God, man! That's disgusting.
55
00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:47,680
["Double Barrel" playing]
56
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:52,760
That's good. That's very, very good.
57
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,280
Nice one. Thank you very much.
58
00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:56,640
I don't want to patronise you,
just take your time on it.
59
00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:59,280
- It's pretty strong stuff, to be honest.
- Calm down.
60
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:01,240
So, tell the boys the plan.
61
00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:04,240
The plan. The plan? Oh, the plan!
62
00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:07,640
My partner's best friend, Manolito Calvo,
63
00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:12,080
is having a party tomorrow night
at his marvellously stupid house,
64
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:17,040
and he is looking for a new supplier
for his online weed operation
65
00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:20,160
that's currently turning over
two million a year.
66
00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:22,000
- Fucking hell.
- I propose… [sniffs]
67
00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:25,680
I propose…
68
00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:30,280
See what I mean? Do you see what I mean?
69
00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:32,360
No one ever listens
to a fucking word I say.
70
00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:33,520
Vincent!
71
00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:37,640
We are gonna go to this party,
all three of us,
72
00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:40,560
so cancel your plans
and dress flamboyantly.
73
00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:44,280
- Is there any other way?
- [chuckles] Beware of the bald man.
74
00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:46,120
Just get her a Calippo,
she's in a bad way.
75
00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:48,040
Come on. Still got half a brew.
76
00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:50,800
- Put the fucking brew down.
- [wind chimes tinkle]
77
00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:52,800
Balding, not baldy.
78
00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:58,960
Oi! What the fuck is going on here?
79
00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:00,760
You know full well!
80
00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:02,440
The council wrote to you.
81
00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:04,320
- When was this?
- Months back.
82
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:08,720
Shite, shite, shite, shite.
83
00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:10,080
Farms have to adapt.
84
00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:13,400
We're like sharks, we've got
to keep moving forward to survive.
85
00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:17,680
Just fucking talk normal.
What are you building?
86
00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:19,920
Petting zoo. And cafeteria.
87
00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,920
- A fucking petting zoo?
- And cafeteria.
88
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:26,440
Google it, children, alpacas,
bouncy castle, cake.
89
00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:30,320
And Google this, "Farm owners
rolling around in money."
90
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,080
£2 for a bucket of carrots.
91
00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:34,240
They'll be paying me to feed the animals!
92
00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:37,200
- You can't just fucking…
- What?
93
00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:39,160
We share a road.
94
00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:41,960
I don't want it clogged up
with four-by-fours
95
00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:45,920
and pony-faced fucking cunts
bringing their fucking kids
96
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,800
to stroke bastard guinea pigs.
97
00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:51,040
Jealousy, jealousy.
You should have thought of it first.
98
00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:55,120
While I'm lounging around on my yacht,
you'll be over there,
99
00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:57,080
shovelling cow shit.
100
00:04:57,160 --> 00:05:01,240
Oi! Paslowski! Are them immigrants?
101
00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:06,040
We fucking left!
You lot shouldn't even be here!
102
00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:10,280
Carry on, lads.
103
00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:17,600
- [Erin] Come on.
- Oh, get on with it.
104
00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:21,640
- [Dylan] Ohh!
- [all cheer]
105
00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:25,600
They wanted flamboyant, and fuck me,
did we give 'em flamboyant.
106
00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:27,720
I like it. I think you'd suit that, JJ.
107
00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:29,160
I'd rather fucking die.
108
00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:32,120
Well, sweetheart,
before you do, grab your car keys,
109
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:33,640
'cause you're driving us there.
110
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:37,880
I feel like a complete fucking dick.
Have I overdone it?
111
00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:41,480
- Do you want an honest answer?
- Not really, no.
112
00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:44,080
- Right, well, you look great, then.
- You're a knobhead! Dick!
113
00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:45,600
- Avanti!
- Fuck!
114
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:46,920
- Vin?
- What, love?
115
00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:48,480
Be careful.
116
00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:50,920
I'm not happy with you
getting in bed with those idiots.
117
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:52,800
Don't worry about me. I'll be fine.
118
00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:54,200
- Well, I…
- You're gorgeous.
119
00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:55,120
Bugger off.
120
00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:56,560
- What the fuck?
- No, no, not you.
121
00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:58,240
What you got there, Cardi?
122
00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:01,760
This is a present for you, f-for us.
123
00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:03,760
Present? Mighty. What is it?
124
00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:06,840
Well, now that we are married, of course,
125
00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:09,480
and I know we got the dog
and a pigeon and a llama and that,
126
00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:15,640
but I saw this on eBay and I thought
it would be good p-practice for when we…
127
00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:17,720
For when we what?
128
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,240
Oh, Jesus Christ! What the fuck is that?
129
00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:21,680
Is that a baby simulator?
130
00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:24,600
It burps, cries, pisses,
it even shits itself. It's amazing.
131
00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:27,600
You've gotta wear one of these,
so that when it cries,
132
00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:29,840
you know which thing it is
that needs attending to.
133
00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:32,360
But you can turn it off,
if you don't want to...
134
00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:34,400
No, no, you can't turn it off.
It stays on.
135
00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:37,880
It's got a chip in its head and it's
designed to act like a real baby.
136
00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:39,600
We get a report at the end of month,
137
00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:42,760
telling us what to improve on
for when we do it for real.
138
00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:44,360
Oh, my God, I love it. Can I hold him?
139
00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:46,040
- Course you can.
- Be my guest, Sugar.
140
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,920
Be careful with the head.
141
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:52,000
Asian. Asian baby.
142
00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:55,480
You couldn't have bought me
a fucking handbag or something?
143
00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,760
- You look delightful.
- Overdone it.
144
00:07:00,840 --> 00:07:02,480
Look at this bullshit here.
145
00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:07,080
- That's, er, a gay icon.
- Is it? That's fucking Vladimir Putin!
146
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:08,960
Vladimir Putin, mate,
147
00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:11,320
bare-chested, on horseback
in the Siberian wilderness,
148
00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:13,320
has brought plenty of men to completion.
149
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:15,080
That's a cartoon. Betty Boo's a cartoon!
150
00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:16,680
Betty Boo… Betty Boop.
151
00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:18,480
- Jazz Age lesbian.
- Look at these here.
152
00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:22,320
Vincent. Thomas. You made it, then.
153
00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:24,320
Don't you look marvellous.
154
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:26,720
You fucking tricked me, man!
I look like a knobhead.
155
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,160
You're wanted.
156
00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:31,880
[Vinnie] Holy fuck, dude,
check this fucking place out, man.
157
00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:34,040
He's got his own pool.
He's got a fucking maze.
158
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,960
He's got a maze!
What kind of man has a maze?
159
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,760
[laughs] Here they are.
You all right, lads?
160
00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:43,640
[speaks Arabic]
Welcome, please, er… do join me.
161
00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:46,760
- It's wet and it's warm.
- That's how I like it.
162
00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:48,720
I'm just gonna have a minute.
Just gonna take...
163
00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:51,320
- Get in the tub.
- I assume you've brought the sample.
164
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:52,600
Yes, yes, I have, yeah.
165
00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:57,360
But just go easy on it when you smoke it.
It's fucking strong stuff.
166
00:07:57,440 --> 00:07:59,760
Clara tells me
it's the finest weed she ever smoked.
167
00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:02,320
Well, you know, let's not oversell it.
168
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:04,040
It's excellent, Manolito.
169
00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:06,160
What you saying, then? Willies in or out?
170
00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:09,320
- As nature intended.
- Why even ask?
171
00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:11,200
You don't have to ask me twice.
172
00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:14,800
How much of this can you supply?
173
00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:17,880
We do a reasonable amount already.
It's just fucking space.
174
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:19,640
- As much as you need.
- Whatever.
175
00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:23,000
- I need a lot.
- Then a lot is what we will give you.
176
00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:26,200
- Isn't that right, Vincent?
- Yeah… Yeah, yeah.
177
00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:30,320
This is very, very good. I'm certain
we can do some business together.
178
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:33,520
- Fantastident.
- This calls for a top-up.
179
00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:35,400
Oh…
180
00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:38,480
Oh-ho-ho!
181
00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:42,559
Fucking, your garden, mate, it's unreal.
You've got a maze, man!
182
00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:44,240
I have a man that looks after it.
183
00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:46,840
What about them outhouses
down there? What's in them?
184
00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:49,440
- That's my zoo.
- You haven't got a zoo?
185
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:53,840
Absolutely zoo.
It's my special exotic animal zoo.
186
00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:56,560
- You want to see it?
- Fucking right we do.
187
00:08:56,640 --> 00:09:00,520
We'll go.
Jason! Tyler! Bring me the robes.
188
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:03,120
- [Vinnie] Dude!
- Hello, Carol Basking.
189
00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:05,760
'Cause she like to, er, bask in the sun.
190
00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:07,000
[laughs]
191
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,760
I'm a bit like Dr Dolittle.
192
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,520
I talk with the animals,
walk with the animals,
193
00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:13,600
grunt and squeak
and squawk with the animals.
194
00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:14,960
[Vinnie] This is amazing.
195
00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:17,400
♪ People ask us
Can we speak Rhinoceros? ♪
196
00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:20,000
♪ We'd say "Of courserous"
Can't you? ♪
197
00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,480
[laughter]
198
00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:24,680
- I like this guy.
- I know you do, sweetheart.
199
00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:26,920
These are my pride and joy.
200
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,840
See this guy? Horatio.
My personal favourite.
201
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:31,520
Is he happy in there?
202
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:35,120
Shouldn't he be out, you know,
swinging about, wildebeest, all that?
203
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,400
They love it here. Love it!
204
00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:40,280
They demand a lot of attention
and I give it to them.
205
00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:42,960
- Here. Watch.
- You're gonna get him out?
206
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,320
Horatio?
207
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:45,280
[speaks Arabic]
208
00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:47,440
Come on. Very good boy.
Isn't he a cutie, huh?
209
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:48,360
Bloody hell!
210
00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:51,480
See, he does as Daddy tells him to do.
211
00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:53,240
[speaks Arabic]
212
00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:54,720
Oh, dude!
213
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:56,840
- It's a good look.
- Is it? Does it suit me?
214
00:09:56,920 --> 00:10:00,200
- I'll tell you what, you look regal.
- Ah, he likes you.
215
00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:01,760
I fucking like him, man.
216
00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:04,040
- He's so fucking cool.
- [Tommo] Fantastic.
217
00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:08,240
They are, er, like my children,
and I love every last one of them.
218
00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:14,360
There is one animal
I would like to show Vinnie, alone.
219
00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:20,680
How about me and you
go for a little drink, Thomas, hmm?
220
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:23,400
Go on. Where's this animal?
221
00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:26,240
I like a man with tattoos, Vincent.
222
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:29,840
I find it, er, very erotic.
223
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:33,560
- And I think your face is very, very cute.
- Oh!
224
00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:36,200
I know you're not gay, I am not gay.
225
00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:40,200
I go left, I go right.
Animal, mineral, vegetable…
226
00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:41,760
I like what I like.
227
00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:45,360
Deep inside,
every man is a little bit gay.
228
00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:46,640
Er…
229
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:51,840
Do you know, I'd be inclined
to agree with you, actually.
230
00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:53,680
- I reckon you're right.
- Good.
231
00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:55,800
Whoa. Where you going?
232
00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:58,560
Mate, listen, we can't be
sucking each other off, bruv.
233
00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:01,800
Do you not think
it's just better, just keep this…
234
00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:03,440
just keep this strictly business?
235
00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:06,800
- No.
- No. I don't.
236
00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:08,840
You don't wanna do that? Okay. Tom?
237
00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:10,800
["Riot Rhythm" playing]
238
00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:24,280
- [gunshot]
- Fuck!
239
00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:25,920
- Who's there?
- [gunshot]
240
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:27,280
Fuck.
241
00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:31,600
Come out or I'll have no option
but to carry on shooting.
242
00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:32,840
Fucking hell.
243
00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:36,440
What the fuck are you doing here?
244
00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:39,600
Stopping you and all your immigrant pals
245
00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:41,800
from building
a fucking illegal petting zoo.
246
00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:42,880
And cafeteria!
247
00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:44,440
And fuck… cafeteria.
248
00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:47,880
And it's not illegal.
Permission was sought and granted.
249
00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:51,000
- Ha-ha!
- So dance, monkey boy, dance.
250
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:54,720
Stupid blonde arsehole!
251
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:56,520
- Ha!
- Argh!
252
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:58,080
Argh! Me foot!
253
00:11:58,160 --> 00:11:59,880
- Jim?
- Call an ambulance!
254
00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:01,040
Shit.
255
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:04,080
Stupid Polish cunt! Ow!
256
00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:07,000
Bang out of line, this. Bang out of line.
257
00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:10,960
See you, then.
258
00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:13,560
- Nice lads.
- What ha… What happened?
259
00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:14,920
I'll tell you what happened.
260
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,480
- He says…
- [keypad beeping]
261
00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:20,720
"Let me suck you off. Deal done."
That's what he says to me.
262
00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:22,640
Can you believe that fucking shit there?
263
00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:24,600
- Did you not let him?
- Course I f…
264
00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:26,360
Course I didn't let him suck me off!
265
00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:28,360
Why the fuck not, Vinnie?
266
00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:30,200
Two million quid? Are you fucking joking?
267
00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:33,080
- Couldn't you just let him get on with it?
- Think what you're saying.
268
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:34,680
You're having a fucking laugh, man!
269
00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:37,200
You shouldn't have to let
someone suck you off
270
00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:40,080
to get a fucking deal done,
gay, straight or otherwise.
271
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,560
Violated in an exotic zoo.
272
00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:45,440
- Fair point. Yeah.
- Come on.
273
00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:50,680
We're fucked now, aren't we, eh?
MacDonagh's gonna flip his lid.
274
00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:52,680
How the fuck are we even gonna get home?
275
00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:56,240
I tell you what, if he's fucking stupid
276
00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:59,800
to turn down high-grade weed,
then that's on him. On him!
277
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:01,600
And I'll tell you something else an' all.
278
00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:03,960
- I'm nicking that fucking zoo!
- You what?
279
00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:07,440
I'm nicking the fucking zoo.
I'm nicking it!
280
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,200
Fucking flip flops! What's the point?
281
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,400
Fucking Polish prick
shot me in cold blood.
282
00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:19,240
This is the thanks you get
for letting 'em come here,
283
00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:22,520
for making 'em welcome
in our green and pleasant land.
284
00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:25,360
They take up arms and shoot you
through the metatarsical.
285
00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:27,720
You didn't exactly welcome him, did you?
286
00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:30,840
- Anyway, he was born in Barnsley.
- Not the fucking point.
287
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:33,640
I'll tell you what the fucking
point is, Captain Haddock.
288
00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:35,880
You fucking knocked over
his petting zoo, you knob.
289
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,880
- And cafeteria.
- And his cafeteria, you fuckwit.
290
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:41,480
And now he's put a fucking hole
through your foot.
291
00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:43,800
How long's it gonna be before
that's sorted out?
292
00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:45,200
- Six weeks.
- Fuck me.
293
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:48,960
Who's gonna milk the cows?
Who's gonna feed the pigs?
294
00:13:49,680 --> 00:13:53,320
I'll be destitute, and he'll be
living it up on cunt's carrot cash.
295
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,240
- We could help out, couldn't we?
- Ooh…
296
00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:59,720
It's a kind offer,
but it's hard work, man's work.
297
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:01,560
- Is it?
- Listen to him.
298
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:04,560
The fucking asthma wizard of the north.
299
00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:07,040
Giving it big licks like
it's a fucking hard job.
300
00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:09,600
We can do it, can't we?
If you can do it, we can do it!
301
00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:11,400
[baby simulator cries]
302
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:13,800
She needs changing. Excuse me.
303
00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:19,040
Right. Well, that counts him out.
But the rest of you...
304
00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:22,640
Hang on, hang on.
I mean, I'd love to, obviously, Jim,
305
00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:26,280
but, er, I am in fact the proprietor
of a mobile erotic parlour
306
00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:31,280
and I mean business is, phwoar,
oooh… [laughs] It's booming.
307
00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:34,520
- Yeah, and I'm running a garage.
- I'm in the pub most days.
308
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:38,560
Yeah. I… have to go… move…
309
00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:40,960
Help move some cloth over at…
310
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:44,040
It'll take all my strength
to move that there.
311
00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:45,720
Fucking hell!
312
00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,400
Honestly, I can believe his
313
00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:49,560
and I can believe his
and I can believe his.
314
00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:53,440
But yours just went on and on,
with zero fucking commitment.
315
00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:55,680
You don't even believe your lie!
316
00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:57,760
You're all fucking doing it,
every one of you.
317
00:14:57,840 --> 00:15:01,600
Man, woman or tiny plastic foetus
covered in fucking weird hair,
318
00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:02,600
we're in it together.
319
00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:05,400
Now you, tell me what's involved, come on.
320
00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:07,080
- You'd do that for me?
- Yeah, I would.
321
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:10,160
- I don't want to do that for you.
- I'm touched. You're good friends.
322
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,040
Just keep your hands off my food
323
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:15,400
and don't be looking
in my bedroom drawers.
324
00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:17,600
All right. Now, I do have
to look up your urethra.
325
00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:19,480
Because the nurse… I promised the nurse.
326
00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:21,480
I just gotta get through the pubes.
327
00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:24,000
["Chain Gang" playing]
328
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:25,560
♪ I hear something saying ♪
329
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:27,160
♪ That's the sound of the men… ♪
330
00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:29,920
[baby simulator bawling]
331
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:31,160
Hey!
332
00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:37,320
For fuck's sake, can you look at it?
333
00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:40,640
It says on Jim's shitty instructions,
do it firmly!
334
00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:42,520
JJ, I'm doing it firmly!
335
00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:45,040
I don't wanna fucking hurt her boobs, man.
You know?
336
00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:47,560
- Here you are, check this out.
- [women squeal]
337
00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:49,920
[baby simulator cries]
338
00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:53,280
Cardi… Cardi, are you
gonna help us or what?
339
00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:56,000
Dude, she needs feeding.
Then she needs winding.
340
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,840
Where's Carol? Can't Carol do it?
341
00:15:57,920 --> 00:16:00,160
Carol did the fucking night,
she's exhausted.
342
00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:01,800
[snoring]
343
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:04,800
It's just a fucking doll!
I'm gonna throttle him!
344
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:06,920
I'm gonna throttle him, Dylan!
345
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,440
♪ My-y-y-y ♪
346
00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:11,440
♪ My work is so hard… ♪
347
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:13,560
[all shouting indistinctly]
348
00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:18,400
Lord God, Jesus Christ,
349
00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:21,120
it's fucking hard work, innit? Eh?
350
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:23,520
I've got new-found respect
for that skinny little twat.
351
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:25,000
He does this all on his own.
352
00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:27,240
I can't do this any more.
353
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,200
- Me neither, lads, I'm exhausted.
- I think I've got an idea.
354
00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:32,280
Didn't Jim say Shirley
was building a petting zoo?
355
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:33,760
And a cafeteria.
356
00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:35,120
Fuck me. And cafeteria.
357
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:36,880
- And?
- Back in half an hour.
358
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:38,880
Shall we put a brew on? We'll get a brew.
359
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:41,480
- Cardi, come and have a brew with me.
- I'll take her.
360
00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:44,840
- No, I've got her. I've got her!
- No, it's all right. All right.
361
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:48,920
Ho-ho! Watch out, JJ, looks like
Sugar's getting some ideas there.
362
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:52,320
We're having unprotected sex,
actually, twice a week.
363
00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:54,720
It's a bit like Russian roulette,
but no gun.
364
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:57,280
Just a penis and a vagina.
365
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:03,000
This is Manolito's massive stupid house.
366
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:06,640
This is his massive stupid garden.
Guess what? It's got a fucking maze.
367
00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:08,119
- A-maze-ing.
- Dickhead.
368
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:11,560
Now, that's the zoo.
That's where the cretins are kept.
369
00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:13,839
But how are you gonna get
a dozen animals out of there?
370
00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:16,520
It's not a problem.
Boxes, cages, that kind of shit.
371
00:17:16,599 --> 00:17:18,960
This is my problem.
I don't know how the fuck to get in
372
00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:21,880
this massive perimeter
bloody hedge fence thing.
373
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:25,000
If we do manage it,
at the back, there's a gate.
374
00:17:25,079 --> 00:17:28,400
That'll only open from the inside,
yeah, that's our way out.
375
00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:31,840
Can I just say, for the record,
and I want it put in the minutes,
376
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:34,840
I do not approve of
the aforementioned exotic zoo heist.
377
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:36,160
Yes, me neither.
378
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:38,440
Stealing fucking zoo animals
never ended well for us.
379
00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:40,400
I'll tell you the reason we're doing it.
380
00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:43,520
Is because, A, these animals
are worth a fucking fortune.
381
00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:45,640
- B, he's a knob.
- He is.
382
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:47,520
- And three…
- C!
383
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,440
It's fucking C. A, B, C, in't it?
384
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:52,440
Not A, B, three. Can no one
stick to a simple fucking system?
385
00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:54,600
- It's A, B, C, in't it?
- Well, fucking three, then!
386
00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:56,440
- C!
- C, then!
387
00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:58,760
Fucking C, C! C!
388
00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:02,600
Just fucking see what you've done.
I've just forgotten everything!
389
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:05,520
- What the mucky fuck is up with that?
- Christ!
390
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:07,760
- Cardi, give it here, let me change it.
- No, Tommo…
391
00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:09,480
Hey, Cardi, Cardi? Cardi? Cardigan?
392
00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:11,120
I'm very good with children, aren't I?
393
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:15,120
- Come on. There we go, lovely. Aw!
- Get the head. Get the head.
394
00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:18,360
I've got it. Don't worry.
Then you just go…
395
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:21,760
- Tommo!
- Avanti.
396
00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:24,920
What is wrong with you,
you fucking monster?
397
00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:27,240
Given it something to cry about.
398
00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:29,800
He's learning to parent, you dick!
399
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:32,840
Hang the fuck on a minute.
Am I in a fucking parallel universe?
400
00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:36,200
Am I the only one who can see
the massive fucking elephant in the room,
401
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:38,120
sitting here
drinking a cup of tea with us?
402
00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:41,680
Carol is nearly 50.
Who the fuck's he gonna have a baby with?
403
00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:43,640
Shut up, you dickhead! What do you…
404
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:47,400
You've just slam-dunked his Asian
baby on a fucking ammo crate!
405
00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:49,760
He's trying to be a dad
406
00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:52,280
and we have to break
the shit to him gentle.
407
00:18:52,360 --> 00:18:54,400
Honesty is the best policy.
408
00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:58,000
He's got more chance conceiving
with Alison, the fucking sex doll.
409
00:18:58,080 --> 00:19:01,280
All right, just shush.
What kind of a maze is it?
410
00:19:01,360 --> 00:19:03,160
What do you mean, what kind of a fucking...
411
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:06,160
- What is it made out of?
- I'll tell you what it's fucking…
412
00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:08,800
Trees, bushes,
fucking hedges. It's a maze!
413
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:10,200
That's a-maze-ing stuff!
414
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:13,920
- Fuck dude. Shit!
- Well, dude, there's your answer.
415
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:15,640
Over the hedge and into the maze.
416
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:17,960
As luck would have it,
I'm fixing this contractor's van,
417
00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:21,200
the one that fixes street lights,
I can let you lot up and over.
418
00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:22,760
- 'Ey up!
- [all] Ahh!
419
00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:25,920
Oh. He's very good. Very good.
420
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,800
♪ Very, very sexual ♪
421
00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:29,480
♪ Very, very sexual ♪
422
00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:31,000
♪ Very, very sexual ♪
423
00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:33,320
♪ Very, very sexual ♪
424
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:34,440
♪ Very, very sexual ♪
425
00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:37,960
Voilà. All right, problem solved.
426
00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:40,640
- Who are they?
- What? Hired help.
427
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:42,760
Say hello to Codrin and his mates.
428
00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:45,760
- You all right, Codrin?
- Hi. Jim'll lose his mind.
429
00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:47,440
What Jim doesn't know won't hurt him.
430
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,480
Where have you got the money?
How will you pay?
431
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:52,720
Profits from the intended
sale of the exotic animals.
432
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:56,240
Hold on. Who the fuck
is gonna buy these buggers anyway?
433
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:59,640
- Exotic animals?
- Yeah. Exotic animals.
434
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:02,480
Do I look like a bloke that
deals in exotic animals?
435
00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:05,640
No, you look like the walking
embodiment of gout. [laughs]
436
00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:09,120
What are they?
437
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,200
Different types. Bloody monkey thing.
438
00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:13,160
There's a massive emu.
There's a bleedin' skunk.
439
00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:14,880
When was the last time you seen a skunk?
440
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:16,440
- I'm looking at one.
- Fucker.
441
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:19,200
They're worth a fucking fortune,
is what I'm saying.
442
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:22,280
If you can find a buyer, I'll cut you in.
How's them apples?
443
00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:25,080
- 50-50.
- 50-50?
444
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:26,520
Are you out of your fucking mind?
445
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:28,080
10% is what you can have!
446
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:33,320
10%? That hurts, Vincent.
Have you heard this, Calvin?
447
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:36,360
- That hurts.
- All right, then. 15. 15%.
448
00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:38,680
- I think it's angina.
- I fucking wish it was.
449
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:40,936
- Shall I call an ambulance?
- Pain's going down me arm.
450
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:44,120
All right, give over. 20%, that's fair.
451
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:46,600
Fuck off, Dan! 25.
452
00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:48,960
I'm not going lower than 25, you cunt.
453
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:52,880
Oh, Mummy. Daddy.
454
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:55,520
- Are you dead?
- [groans]
455
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:58,200
Oh, no, whatever will we do, Calvin?
456
00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:01,000
He's finally passed away
from being an horrible cunt.
457
00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:03,440
- 30%, and that's me going out on a limb.
- Fuck!
458
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:07,160
[phone keypad beeps]
459
00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:11,320
[ringing tone]
460
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:12,520
Cardi, what's up?
461
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:14,600
- He's leaving now.
- Right, roger that.
462
00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:18,520
He's wearing s-snake-skin shoes.
463
00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:19,720
Is that fucking relevant?
464
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:23,440
No, not really, no. They're nice, though.
465
00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:26,960
Jesus Christ!
Right, you lot, let's get going.
466
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:29,200
[platform whirrs]
467
00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:31,360
Hey, hey, hey. Jogger, jogger, jogger.
468
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:34,440
- Pretend like you're doing something.
- Doing something? Doing what?
469
00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:36,000
Hello, yeah, all right?
470
00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:37,920
- Evening. You all right?
- How are you?
471
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:39,320
It's looking good.
472
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:42,880
- I think that'll do.
- It's a bit high.
473
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:46,040
- Hurry up, will you?
- You do it! You're bigger than me.
474
00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:47,360
You're already up there!
475
00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:50,480
Be careful now, man.
476
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:53,600
I can't believe we're lobbing
ourselves over a fucking hedge.
477
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:55,800
Just shut up, it's the only way in, dude!
478
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:58,680
- [groans, thud]
- [all] Oooh!
479
00:21:58,760 --> 00:21:59,640
You all right?
480
00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:02,320
Brambles just break
the shite out of me undercarriage!
481
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:04,400
- He's not selling it, is he?
- Fuck me.
482
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:07,960
[clanking]
483
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:11,320
- You all right?
- Yeah.
484
00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:15,440
- Urgh!
- Shut the fuck up.
485
00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:17,800
The secret to finding
your way out of a maze
486
00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:21,240
is to put your hand
on the right side, keep touching it
487
00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:22,760
and choose a direction.
488
00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:25,040
- Which way? What?
- Left.
489
00:22:25,120 --> 00:22:26,640
- Left.
- Go right.
490
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:28,440
- Fucking brilliant. Tommo?
- Fucking left.
491
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:30,240
- Left, it is.
- We'll go left, then.
492
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:33,080
- This isn't left. This is right.
- Fuck me!
493
00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:34,960
Hold, hold, hold.
494
00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:40,920
I'll just give Carol a call,
see how baby's getting on.
495
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:44,320
[line ringing]
496
00:22:46,360 --> 00:22:48,120
Fuck's sake.
497
00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:53,240
She's fine. How many times
are you gonna call me?
498
00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:54,880
Is she sleeping?
499
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:57,560
She is. I put her down about an hour ago
500
00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:00,680
and then I took the dog out for a walk.
I'm fucking exhausted.
501
00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:03,680
Wait. You put her down
and you left her in the house
502
00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:06,400
- while you took the dog out?
- That's right. She was fast asleep.
503
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:09,960
Carol, you can't leave a baby
unattended in the house.
504
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:12,280
- What if something had happened?
- Like what?
505
00:23:12,360 --> 00:23:13,720
Like… Like…
506
00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:18,160
Like a fucking f-fire…
or someone stealing her…
507
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:20,360
I don't know, Carol.
But that's one of the rules.
508
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:22,480
I'm back now and she's fine there.
509
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:24,960
I have a nice glass of wine on the go.
510
00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:26,960
[laughter]
511
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:29,640
- W-What's that noise?
- What noise?
512
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:33,400
You're in the pub, aren't you?
513
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:36,080
No, no. I'm at home, I swear to God.
514
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:38,280
That's the telly that
you hear in the background.
515
00:23:38,360 --> 00:23:41,560
No, no, no. Carol,
you can't be getting wasted.
516
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:43,360
- I'm coming home.
- What?
517
00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:46,280
I-I-I'm coming back.
She needs her fucking father.
518
00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:48,440
Fuck's sake, he's coming back,
get them into you.
519
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:49,720
[Sugar] Oh, shit!
520
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:51,720
Fucking hell.
521
00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:53,440
- JJ?
- Yeah?
522
00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:55,120
I'm going home, mate.
523
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:57,560
- What?
- I'm going home.
524
00:23:58,360 --> 00:24:02,280
Mate, you can't just fucking bail.
We need your van for the animals.
525
00:24:02,360 --> 00:24:04,360
Well, they can travel in the transit,
can't they?
526
00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:06,320
I've got responsibilities, JJ.
527
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:08,560
Something you lot
can't seem to get your heads round.
528
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:11,640
Cardi, you can't…
Are you being fucking serious?
529
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:17,160
Wrong way. Go back, go back.
530
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:24,360
Go on, get down there.
531
00:24:26,360 --> 00:24:28,160
- [groans]
- [Tommo] Vinnie?
532
00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:29,720
[Vinnie] What the fuck are you doing?
533
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:32,200
- Where's your mam gone?
- Where the fuck did you come from?
534
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:38,560
Right. This is it, then.
535
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:41,280
This is how we die, in't it?
In a fucking hedge.
536
00:24:41,360 --> 00:24:44,280
They'll find our dishevelled corpses
over there by some cages
537
00:24:44,360 --> 00:24:45,920
and a fucking stun gun.
538
00:24:48,360 --> 00:24:50,440
It's an ornamental maze, innit?
539
00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:52,680
In a sex maniac's garden.
We can get out of this.
540
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:56,360
Oi, you, get the fuck up there.
Go and see if you can find the exit.
541
00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:59,240
- Why me?
- 'Cause you're the lightest one.
542
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:01,000
Get the fuck up there, dude.
543
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,720
Fine. But I want it
taken down in the notes
544
00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:06,400
I'm not fucking happy about it.
545
00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:09,400
He's gonna have to go on someone's
shoulders. He's ever so small.
546
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:11,160
- Just lift him up!
- [mobile rings]
547
00:25:12,360 --> 00:25:14,040
- JJ.
- Where the fuck are you?
548
00:25:14,120 --> 00:25:16,080
We're stuck in the fucking maze!
549
00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:18,720
You just listen to me.
Get them fucking vans ready.
550
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:19,840
[Tommo groans]
551
00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:22,520
I've gone hedge blind over here.
552
00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:24,480
[Vinnie] Can you see the fucking way out?
553
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:26,160
I just need to get a little bit…
554
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:27,840
- Argh!
- [clatter]
555
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,600
- You got a light?
- I'm trapped in brambles and thorns.
556
00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:33,680
Help me, then! Help me, you dickheads.
557
00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:36,600
Right, someone's gonna
have to save the saviour.
558
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:38,520
[Tommo groans]
559
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:43,120
Ow, you're fucking right up my arsehole.
560
00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:45,720
[groans and grunts]
561
00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:49,760
[moans]
562
00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:52,480
- Oh!
- You all right?
563
00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:55,720
Fuck me.
Look, the exit's only two turns away.
564
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:57,160
Thick!
565
00:25:57,240 --> 00:25:59,240
["I Want Candy" playing]
566
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:05,560
[animals squeaking]
567
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:10,800
Fuck me, look at the size of him.
568
00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:15,080
[animals screeching and squealing]
569
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:18,240
- [mobile phone buzzes]
- [Ash] What?
570
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:20,320
It's fucking Calvin. Knobhead.
571
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:22,520
Come on, let's get the fuck out of here.
572
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:27,120
- [birds cooing]
- Come on, come on.
573
00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:34,480
Ash, Dyldo, you go with JJ.
Tommy, get in the fucking van.
574
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:37,000
♪ I want candy… ♪
575
00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:42,640
Fucking hell!
576
00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:45,960
Wanted one fucking night off.
577
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:49,920
One night I just wanted to feel free.
Is that too much to ask?
578
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:52,560
You're a mother now, Carol.
No one said it was gonna be easy.
579
00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:54,000
It's all about self-sacrifice.
580
00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:56,040
[baby simulator cries]
581
00:26:56,120 --> 00:26:58,840
You see what you made me do? Is it dead?
582
00:26:59,360 --> 00:27:00,680
It's not fucking dead. It's…
583
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:01,920
[mumbles, farts]
584
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:03,520
Whack her in there, she'll be fine.
585
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:05,200
Now it's shit itself. Well done, Carol.
586
00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:07,440
- Fucking hell.
- It's not the fucking only one.
587
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:10,200
[doorbell buzzes]
588
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:16,160
- What do you want?
- What do you mean, what do I want?
589
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:18,480
I've got the animals for you and Dan.
590
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:20,080
He's not here.
591
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:21,880
- What d'you…
- I tried calling you.
592
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:23,400
What do you mean, he's not here?
593
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:26,360
- Where is he?
- He's gone home. Buyer pulled out.
594
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:29,040
What the fuck? Calvin, why didn't you say?
595
00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:31,120
I tried calling you, you didn't answer!
596
00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:33,560
Because I was
fucking stealing 'em, Calvin!
597
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:36,480
If you'd answered your phone,
you'd know that we didn't want 'em.
598
00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:38,080
I couldn't fucking answer the phone,
599
00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:40,080
because I was stealing
the shagging animals.
600
00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:43,080
Why couldn't you have left a fucking
message, like a normal human being?
601
00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:44,760
Because I don't speak to machines.
602
00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:47,560
Course not. Why would you?
You… fucking machines.
603
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:50,680
Get back fucking… inside.
604
00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:52,040
All right, Tommo?
605
00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:55,680
Are we done, then?
Get these dickheads out of the van.
606
00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:58,320
We can't because Chinese Dan has gone home
607
00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:00,200
and the fucking buyer's pulled out.
608
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:02,200
Calvin. Did you not think to tell us?
609
00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:04,920
Because I have had the night from hell!
610
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:07,400
I called him, he didn't answer.
611
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:09,880
- Did you try leaving a message?
- I don't speak to machines.
612
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:12,240
They're all recorded.
Them messages are on the system.
613
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:13,840
Don't speak to fucking machines!
614
00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:15,520
Now my trainers are wet, you cunt.
615
00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:16,960
What we gonna do now, then?
616
00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:20,440
'Cause I've got a van load of exotic,
and going by their behaviour,
617
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:23,560
extremely fucking sexually
charged animals in there.
618
00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:24,640
It's not my problem.
619
00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:30,040
But if you wanna get out of them
torn clothes, you can come inside…
620
00:28:30,120 --> 00:28:31,960
But it's not the moment for it,
is it, Calvin?
621
00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:35,280
Will you knob off! Go on, get gone.
Get out of it, you pig.
622
00:28:35,360 --> 00:28:36,720
Sexual predator.
623
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:38,600
- He is a fucking predator.
- [phone rings]
624
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:42,160
- Shit! Fuck me, it's Davey MacDonagh.
- Argh! Fuck! They're gonna know.
625
00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:44,920
How the fuck would they know?
Just settle down a bit.
626
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:45,880
Answer it, then.
627
00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:47,640
- Maybe you answer it.
- It's your phone!
628
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:49,440
Fuck! Just chill out, just chill out,
629
00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:51,880
[bird clucking]
630
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:54,720
- Hello?
- Vincent.
631
00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:57,160
Despite the fact that you fucked
the whole thing backwards,
632
00:28:57,240 --> 00:29:00,200
- I've managed to save the deal.
- What do you mean? Sorry?
633
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:04,600
I've been with Manolito for dinner
and I've smoothed out your fucking mess.
634
00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:09,160
The weed deal's back on,
so don't fuck it up again.
635
00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:11,560
- Toodle-oo.
- Toodle…
636
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:13,360
He's gone. He's gone. Fuck!
637
00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:16,080
- What does that mean?
- How much cocaine have you done?
638
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:17,840
- Get in the shagging van. Come on.
- Fuck!
639
00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:22,720
Can't we just un-steal them?
640
00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:24,840
What, go back through that maze?
Are you joking?
641
00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:25,920
Thanks for bailing.
642
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:27,720
- The baby needed me.
- The baby was fine.
643
00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:31,440
The baby wasn't fine, Erin.
She was in an uns-suitable environment.
644
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:33,160
She didn't cry once.
645
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:38,400
Look, why don't we just
take 'em back to Manolito's, yeah,
646
00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:42,040
hold our hands up and be like,
"I'm sorry for the aggravation"?
647
00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:43,840
Shit idea. Fucking terrible idea.
648
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:45,560
What you talking about? Fucking idiot.
649
00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:47,520
Think about what you're saying. Sorry.
650
00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:50,800
We've stolen all of his
exotic fucking monkey children!
651
00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:52,760
He won't want to go
into business with us now.
652
00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:55,680
No. We need to just get shot and pretend
none of this ever happened.
653
00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:58,360
Can we not just find a new buyer?
654
00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:00,520
Must be plenty of people
who want an emu, an iguana,
655
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:03,440
a skunk, a bunch of doves and a tiny
monkey with a horrible attitude.
656
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:04,960
Hang on.
657
00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:07,240
Shirley is trying to create a petting zoo.
658
00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:09,800
- And cafeteria.
- And a cafeteria.
659
00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:13,040
But there's loads of petting zoos.
Why don't we make it more exotic?
660
00:30:13,120 --> 00:30:15,440
- Ooh.
- What, like with tits and that?
661
00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:18,400
Oh, animals, yeah.
662
00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:23,240
- Voilà! Eh?
- Fucking hell.
663
00:30:23,320 --> 00:30:24,440
It's impressive, innit?
664
00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:26,520
Robbed, are they?
Where've you lifted 'em from?
665
00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:28,400
Listen here. I fucking resent that.
666
00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:30,360
We have just lost
a very near and dear friend.
667
00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:33,920
- [Tommo] Well, friend of a friend.
- Yeah, an acquaintance.
668
00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:35,680
From a long illness drawn out.
669
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:36,840
- Gastric.
- Gastric.
670
00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:39,240
Issues. Intestinal. Yeah. Gangrene.
671
00:30:39,320 --> 00:30:41,400
Stop! Stop making fucking words.
672
00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:45,200
Now, his family didn't know what
to do with all these tropical cunts.
673
00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:47,200
So I've been a good lad
and I've taken 'em on.
674
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:50,760
- How much?
- Some rare animals in there, Shirley.
675
00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:53,720
I'm not messing around with you,
now, that's a fucking skunk, right?
676
00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:55,160
I don't want that monkey.
677
00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:57,520
- Reminds me of me Uncle Cyril.
- Just fuck the monkey.
678
00:30:57,600 --> 00:31:01,560
Everything in there,
bar the monkey, best offer, dig deep.
679
00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:05,160
- Two grand.
- Two fucking grand?
680
00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:07,240
What are them numbers?
681
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:10,320
What are them numbers, eh?
After the impassioned speech
682
00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:12,960
I just give you about
dying fucking boys and that.
683
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:15,840
- All right, all right. Three.
- Three!
684
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:19,080
I could put them online
and get 15 bags all in for that shit.
685
00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:20,640
- Go on, then.
- I fucking well will!
686
00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:22,240
- Whoa. Wait.
- Get him. Get him.
687
00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:26,360
No. Shirley. Shirley, don't.
Just come back here a minute. I'm sorry.
688
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:30,400
I'll sort you out. 15, that's fair.
689
00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:32,640
- Four.
- Four?
690
00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:36,080
You dick. Fucking… 12!
691
00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:39,760
- Four.
- Nine and a half.
692
00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:42,000
Four. And that's my final offer.
693
00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:43,800
- Five and that's…
- Six. That's my final.
694
00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:45,040
- Five.
- Fuck!
695
00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:47,200
- Nailed it.
- [phone rings]
696
00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:49,760
What does this fucking
old cunt want here? Shit!
697
00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:50,880
Jimbo?
698
00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:59,040
Oh! Hey. All right, lads?
699
00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:02,440
What the fuck have you
brought a monkey for?
700
00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:03,720
Brought him to cheer you up.
701
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:05,760
Keep the fucking stupid thing… Ow!
702
00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:09,600
I've been out two seconds
and I've nearly dislocated my fucking hip.
703
00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:11,560
Listen to me now. Seriously.
704
00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:13,360
You're not going back to the farm today.
705
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:16,480
It's not good for you.
Shirley's up there with his petting zoo.
706
00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:19,680
- And fucking cafeteria.
- And the cafeteria, dude.
707
00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:22,080
You can't go back, it's too stressful.
708
00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:23,240
Tell him, will you?
709
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:25,720
You need to convalesce, Jim.
Do you know what I mean?
710
00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:27,640
- You need to conva…
- Convalesce.
711
00:32:27,720 --> 00:32:29,120
You need to convalesce, Jim.
712
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:30,920
Come stay with me
for a bit in shack, love.
713
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:32,240
In that shitty shack?
714
00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:33,720
You haven't got a shower.
715
00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:37,920
- I'm not sharing a bed with you, Vin.
- I don't wanna share a bed with you!
716
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:41,040
With your shit pube face,
you do my fucking head in.
717
00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:42,440
Get in the fucking van.
718
00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:46,360
Hey, it's not that bad in here, is it?
719
00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:48,440
It's quite cosy on the inside.
720
00:32:48,520 --> 00:32:50,800
Cosy on the inside. Like a womb.
721
00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:52,880
It's nothing like a womb.
722
00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:59,440
A womb is full of amniotic fluid,
basically, six parts baby piss.
723
00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:02,120
Shut the fuck up.
Listen, it's good for you the woods.
724
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:04,600
It's gonna take your mind off Shirley
and that petting zoo.
725
00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:07,040
- Yeah, and cafeteria.
- And the cafeteria also.
726
00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:08,960
Now, have you got
everything you need, you?
727
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:12,720
- What's the Wi-Fi code?
- Listen to him. What's the Wi-Fi?
728
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:14,920
You think you're
in a Travelodge or summat, this man,
729
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:16,000
do you know what I mean?
730
00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:17,920
- Come on. Good lad. Yeah.
- [Vinnie] Right.
731
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:19,760
And bring back a change of clothes.
732
00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:22,120
And don't be rooting
in my bedroom drawers!
733
00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:25,120
No one's going in your bedroom drawers,
you fucking old turd.
734
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:26,200
I wonder what's in them.
735
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:28,360
- I dread to think.
- [Ash] The mind boggles.
736
00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:29,760
Ooh!
737
00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:32,080
- [Ash] Who's this?
- Davey and Barry MacDonagh.
738
00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:34,000
They've got that weird
cunt with the animals.
739
00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:35,560
- Go hide the monkey.
- Hide it where?
740
00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:38,360
Hide it in the laundry basket,
or some shit like that.
741
00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:40,640
- How's it going?
- Vincent.
742
00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:42,240
Hey. It's nice to see you.
743
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:43,960
I'm really sorry about the other night.
744
00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:45,720
What do you know about my animals, Vinnie?
745
00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:48,600
Yeah. You showed us
the other night, didn't you?
746
00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:51,040
- There's been a theft, Vincent.
- Ooh!
747
00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:54,080
Of the fucking animals?
748
00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:55,720
- Which ones?
- All of them.
749
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:58,320
- Oh!
- Now, let's just stay calm, shall we?
750
00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:01,200
I very much doubt that
Vincent would be stupid enough
751
00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:02,760
to steal your exotic animals.
752
00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:04,960
- Isn't that right, Vincent?
- Yes, that is right.
753
00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:07,080
I would never be stupid enough
to do such a thing.
754
00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:09,400
I'm heartbroken. They're my children.
755
00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:11,560
Especially Horatio. He's my favourite.
756
00:34:11,639 --> 00:34:13,880
You were the last person to see them
757
00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:17,199
and you left my party
in pretty unhappy circumstances.
758
00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:19,440
Really, guys, I'm not that type of lad.
759
00:34:19,520 --> 00:34:21,840
I'm not a type of person
that'd come back and steal
760
00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:25,400
all your lovely animals,
just as petty revenge, for fuck's sake.
761
00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:26,639
Check his home.
762
00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:29,159
You'll only find
a pissed-up old farmer in there.
763
00:34:29,239 --> 00:34:31,520
Now, see what I mean?
764
00:34:32,040 --> 00:34:33,040
Afternoon.
765
00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:36,320
- Where are my animals?
- Animals?
766
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:39,760
We're just sitting here chilling,
watching YouTube videos.
767
00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:43,560
There's a lovely Brazilian hip-hop
version of Haddaway, "What Is Love?"
768
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:47,639
- You'd better not have them, Vincent.
- I don't, I swear it.
769
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:51,679
[Manolito whistles]
770
00:34:54,159 --> 00:34:55,679
[whistles]
771
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:02,080
[speaks Arabic]
772
00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:08,320
[whistles]
773
00:35:09,800 --> 00:35:11,400
[speaks Arabic]
774
00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:13,200
[Vinnie] You've got the wrong guy.
775
00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:15,720
I wanna do business with you,
that's fucking it.
776
00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:17,680
I don't wanna nick
your bloody animals. Christ.
777
00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:21,680
Okay. But can I trust you?
778
00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:24,720
Fucking yeah, you can trust me.
Ask anyone round here.
779
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:26,760
- [Ash] I'm not anyone…
- Christ.
780
00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:30,280
I wouldn't trust him in my house
on his own, not near my drawers.
781
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:32,600
He's a right nosey bastard.
782
00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:36,720
Syphilis. It's fucked his head up.
Don't listen. Ask anyone normal.
783
00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:39,000
- Not anyone.
- Fuck's wrong with you?
784
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:41,760
- [speaks Arabic]
- Alas, guys, come on.
785
00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:43,520
We got a deal here or what?
786
00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:47,480
- Okay.
- Sick!
787
00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:50,040
- [monkey squeals]
- Oh, fuck!
788
00:35:50,960 --> 00:35:52,320
Go!
789
00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:06,120
[van horn blares]
790
00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:09,720
[horn honks]
791
00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:11,080
Shirley?
792
00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:13,160
- Shirley?
- What?
793
00:36:13,240 --> 00:36:15,000
Fuck. Shirley?
794
00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:18,520
Shirley, I'm fucking sorry, man,
795
00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:20,440
I'm gonna have to ask
for them animals back.
796
00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:23,360
- Too late, I've sold 'em.
- What the fuck do you mean? When?
797
00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:25,680
- Just now, he's just left.
- Fuck!
798
00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:28,680
I thought you wanted them
for your dickhead petting zoo thing.
799
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:31,440
Went online.
You were right. Collector he is.
800
00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:33,080
Earned a nice little profit.
801
00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:35,880
"Earned a nice little profit"?
You shit dickhead!
802
00:36:35,960 --> 00:36:37,800
- Ashley?
- Always me hair. Always me hair!
803
00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:39,560
We need to follow that van!
804
00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:45,200
["Laura" playing]
805
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:46,960
Here we go!
806
00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:52,560
- Ooh!
- [tyres screech]
807
00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:57,000
- [baby simulator cries]
- Don't fucking kill us, Vin!
808
00:36:57,120 --> 00:36:59,600
- Fucking hell, was it Cardi, that?
- Yeah, it was.
809
00:36:59,680 --> 00:37:00,960
Hurry up, they're getting away!
810
00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:03,360
The fucking baby, Carol,
you didn't strap her in!
811
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:05,400
Oh, I got distracted!
812
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:07,960
- You're a terrible mother!
- Oh, really?
813
00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:09,600
Well, I mother you, don't I?
814
00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:11,480
You're like a grown baby man, Cardi.
815
00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:13,760
You'll be better off without us, then.
816
00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:15,360
Yeah, I fucking would.
817
00:37:16,520 --> 00:37:18,880
♪ Sh'mon, sh'mon ♪
818
00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:22,680
♪ Where is your love? ♪
819
00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:25,400
♪ Don't you give me your love… ♪
820
00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:28,000
Here we go. Here we go. Tell 'em.
821
00:37:28,080 --> 00:37:30,560
- It's an emergency!
- Pull over!
822
00:37:32,520 --> 00:37:34,280
[tyres screech]
823
00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:38,840
Fuck me! No, no, no.
Get in here, you big, you big shit.
824
00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:41,120
Listen, we just go easy on 'em.
825
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:43,440
They've done nothing wrong.
We're not gonna hurt 'em.
826
00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:46,360
They've bought
the animals in… in good faith.
827
00:37:46,440 --> 00:37:48,840
- Yeah, just be reasonable.
- Just be fucking reasonable.
828
00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:52,120
Just be reasonable.
All right, lads, I'm ever so sorry.
829
00:37:52,200 --> 00:37:54,640
- What the fuck are you doing, you goons?
- I know, I'm sorry.
830
00:37:54,720 --> 00:37:56,280
You nearly had us off the fucking road.
831
00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:02,280
- What about that chat we just had?
- They were rude.
832
00:38:03,640 --> 00:38:06,640
Why do… Why do I get the big one, dude?
833
00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:11,040
Right, you get in t'Rascal.
What you doing, dude?
834
00:38:11,120 --> 00:38:12,960
- Making them bum.
- Don't make 'em…
835
00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:15,640
Don't make 'em bum.
Get in the fucking van.
836
00:38:15,720 --> 00:38:17,840
Not this van! That van there!
837
00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:20,280
Driving side, Ashley! Shit!
838
00:38:20,360 --> 00:38:21,640
Fuck's sake, dude.
839
00:38:21,720 --> 00:38:23,480
["Liberty Belle" playing]
840
00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:26,560
♪ You know I love that violence
That you get around here ♪
841
00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:29,160
♪ That kind of ready-steady violence ♪
842
00:38:29,240 --> 00:38:30,640
♪ That violent "How do you do?" ♪
843
00:38:30,720 --> 00:38:32,400
Cheers, mate!
844
00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:35,000
Ladies.
845
00:38:37,040 --> 00:38:38,280
Oh, shit.
846
00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:41,240
Who the fuck are they? Ow!
847
00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:43,280
♪ Just like you, man is on the nod, yeah ♪
848
00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:45,400
♪ What you gonna do about it? ♪
849
00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:48,560
Now then, bredren.
Super scary, dude. It's mental.
850
00:38:49,080 --> 00:38:51,840
Get the fucking animals up, quick!
Don't let anyone see you.
851
00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:54,440
- What the fuck are them gloves, bruv?
- What do you mean?
852
00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:56,720
- Got to be protected, man.
- Got that? Yeah.
853
00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:03,400
[squeaks]
854
00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:05,240
Fucking hell. They can't stay here, Vin.
855
00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:06,800
Obviously they can't!
856
00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:09,120
- This isn't a permanent solution, is it?
- [phone rings]
857
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:12,600
It's Davey MacDonagh. We are so fucked.
858
00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:15,440
"We"? This was your fucking idea.
859
00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:17,960
I am just a simple bystander
in this fucking bullshit.
860
00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:21,720
You were involved, is what you were.
You helped us break in, you dick.
861
00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:24,560
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What did I say about stealing animals?
862
00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:27,120
- It always fucking goes wrong!
- You did say that.
863
00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:29,600
You're right. You're fucking right. Shit!
864
00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:31,280
It's a fucking learning curve.
865
00:39:31,360 --> 00:39:35,040
But right now, what are we gonna
fucking do with all these?
866
00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:37,680
- Can I keep Horatio's twin brother?
- No.
867
00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:41,360
Wait, right, he knows you've taken 'em,
so the deal is fucked anyway.
868
00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:43,600
Show him your honour. Just take 'em back.
869
00:39:43,680 --> 00:39:46,160
Tell 'em you only nicked 'em
because of how he treated you.
870
00:39:46,240 --> 00:39:48,520
- Be honest, basically what you're saying?
- Yes!
871
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:50,600
- It's not a bad idea.
- Thank you.
872
00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:54,320
I'm just gonna suggest… leverage.
873
00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:55,760
- Oh, for fuck's sake.
- Fuck, Vin!
874
00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:58,360
We need a fucking dealer,
and he wants his exotic animals back,
875
00:39:58,440 --> 00:39:59,440
do you know what I mean?
876
00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:02,160
- Let's just cut the bugger a deal.
- He may cut your balls off.
877
00:40:02,240 --> 00:40:04,200
He called them his children.
878
00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:06,480
People will do anything to get
their fucking kids back.
879
00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:10,840
- Look at, erm, Liam Neeson in Taken.
- And Taken 2. And Taken 3.
880
00:40:10,920 --> 00:40:13,800
- How many fucking films are there?
- Too many Takens.
881
00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:15,200
This guy's a bit bloody unlucky.
882
00:40:15,280 --> 00:40:18,040
First it's his fucking
daughter, then his wife.
883
00:40:18,120 --> 00:40:20,600
- I haven't even seen the third one.
- Both with the third one.
884
00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:23,960
Christ! You forget that these are
deeply implausible Hollywood films
885
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:25,720
and Davey could fucking kill us!
886
00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:30,320
Fuck me. You're right, he's right.
As per fucking usual. Dylan's right.
887
00:40:31,680 --> 00:40:34,600
[groans] Leverage. Leverage! Leverage!
888
00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:36,280
We're doing leverage, fuckers.
889
00:40:37,640 --> 00:40:41,440
Right, milking's done. Cleaning's done.
And all your cattle are in the field.
890
00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:43,280
And we've organised your bottling shed.
891
00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:46,320
Yeah. This place is in a better
state than what you left it in, Jim.
892
00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:48,120
That doesn't make it right.
893
00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:51,000
I left my farm in your English hands,
894
00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:53,560
and from your manicured English hands,
895
00:40:53,640 --> 00:40:56,800
you have handed it across
to all and sundry...
896
00:40:56,880 --> 00:40:59,480
They're just people, Jim,
from a different country,
897
00:40:59,560 --> 00:41:00,960
and they're hard-working.
898
00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:04,320
They're prepared to do your shit work
for low wages while you're incapable.
899
00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:05,400
Codrin.
900
00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:07,800
Ah, yes, Codrin, Danut, Livue.
901
00:41:07,880 --> 00:41:12,520
- This is Jim.
- Hello, Jim. Cozonac?
902
00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:16,200
Where are you from? Fucking… Transylvania?
903
00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:19,440
Yes. But not worry, we're not Dracula.
904
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:21,120
- [hisses]
- [chuckles]
905
00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:22,440
Where's that prick O'Neill?
906
00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:26,040
What do you want, you foot-shooting twat?
907
00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:28,520
What are they doing here?
908
00:41:29,240 --> 00:41:32,080
- What's it to you?
- They're my workers.
909
00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:34,280
They're part of the team
on my petting zoo.
910
00:41:34,360 --> 00:41:36,320
- And cafeteria.
- And cafeteria.
911
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:38,840
Well, they're my fucking workers now.
912
00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:42,320
So take your stupid blonde hair
and get fucked.
913
00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:44,600
- Your fucking workers?
- My fucking workers.
914
00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:46,400
- They're my workers.
- My fucking workers.
915
00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:48,040
They're so good.
916
00:41:48,120 --> 00:41:50,360
Oh, yeah, yeah.
They'll be here for a while.
917
00:41:50,440 --> 00:41:52,480
[Jim] My fucking workers!
918
00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:57,880
- [lock beeps]
- Come through.
919
00:41:58,760 --> 00:42:02,200
- He wants to see us in the maze.
- Why does he wanna meet in a maze, man?
920
00:42:02,280 --> 00:42:05,480
- That's a shite place for a meeting.
- Not an a-maze-ing place to meet!
921
00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:07,720
I do not like this.
I do not like this one bit.
922
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:10,400
- It's all right. Chill.
- Just remember how to find your way out.
923
00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:11,840
'Cause that worked well last time.
924
00:42:12,880 --> 00:42:15,240
[thunder rumbles]
925
00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:21,600
Well, well, well.
If it isn't the exotic animal thieves.
926
00:42:21,680 --> 00:42:24,400
- We're, we're sorry about that.
- Give over, Dill, you tart.
927
00:42:24,480 --> 00:42:28,280
Now, honestly, we did. We stole your
fucking animals, in petty revenge,
928
00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:30,680
because you were a bit of a knob.
But, look, look, look.
929
00:42:30,760 --> 00:42:34,240
If you want a deal, you can have
every single one of them back.
930
00:42:34,320 --> 00:42:36,960
And you can have them back
this very evening.
931
00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:38,800
That sounds fair to me.
932
00:42:38,880 --> 00:42:41,161
- That does sound fair.
- And who's going to suck my dick?
933
00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:43,880
- Are you?
- Er, now!
934
00:42:43,960 --> 00:42:46,560
- How about you?
- It's not the weather for it.
935
00:42:46,640 --> 00:42:50,680
Can we not just park the dick sucking
and talk about business?
936
00:42:50,760 --> 00:42:51,640
Come on, man.
937
00:42:51,720 --> 00:42:54,080
The business end of things
has been taken care of.
938
00:42:54,160 --> 00:42:56,480
- Isn't that right, gentlemen?
- What's he on about?
939
00:42:57,720 --> 00:43:00,400
- Fucking hell!
- Beware the bald man.
940
00:43:00,480 --> 00:43:04,040
You've broken my fucking trust, Vincent,
941
00:43:04,120 --> 00:43:06,640
and that is a cardinal fucking sin.
942
00:43:06,720 --> 00:43:10,160
You give him the animals back
and you grow weed,
943
00:43:10,240 --> 00:43:15,120
but let there be no doubt,
you are a fucking marked man!
944
00:43:15,200 --> 00:43:18,680
Sometimes in life,
metaphorically, and actually,
945
00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:21,640
you have to suck a dick.
946
00:43:21,720 --> 00:43:24,000
[thunder rumbles]
947
00:43:24,080 --> 00:43:26,040
["Easy" playing]
948
00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:31,480
♪ Nothing in the middle
But a bare-knuckle fight ♪
949
00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:35,520
♪ You're dizzy all day
Looking side to side ♪
950
00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:39,040
♪ And they've shouted all your life ♪
951
00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:42,920
♪ No, it's not easy, kid ♪
952
00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:47,040
♪ No, it's not easy, kid ♪
953
00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:50,640
♪ We're all living day to day ♪
954
00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:53,640
♪ Trying to get along together… ♪
955
00:43:55,520 --> 00:43:58,120
So, I got the, er, report back.
956
00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:01,240
And, er,
957
00:44:02,160 --> 00:44:06,000
it says we are unfit parents.
958
00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:11,120
But… I think…
959
00:44:12,320 --> 00:44:17,520
if it were a real baby,
we would have treated it better.
960
00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:19,640
Like, if it were real,
961
00:44:21,160 --> 00:44:24,120
I don't think Tommo would have
chucked it across the barn, do you?
962
00:44:25,160 --> 00:44:26,600
Unlikely.
963
00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:32,960
I'm sorry…
for saying you're a terrible mother.
964
00:44:34,240 --> 00:44:37,720
I'd not slept and I were g-grouchy.
965
00:44:37,800 --> 00:44:40,400
But I've been thinking, right,
966
00:44:40,480 --> 00:44:43,680
and I think… when we have our own…
967
00:44:45,560 --> 00:44:47,000
when we have our own…
968
00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:51,040
we'll be much better
than we have been with Matilda, no?
969
00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:53,800
- Matilda?
- Matil…
970
00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:56,760
That's just the name
I gave her in my head.
971
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:01,320
You know, Cardi,
972
00:45:01,920 --> 00:45:03,200
erm…
973
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:08,160
I'm not the spring chicken
that I used to be, you know.
974
00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:12,920
And time…
975
00:45:14,520 --> 00:45:16,440
Time is not as kind to a woman.
976
00:45:17,680 --> 00:45:19,080
Right.
977
00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:23,240
What I'm trying to say to you is,
Cardi, that…
978
00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:25,120
if you want to be a father, right…
979
00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:29,040
If it's something that you…
980
00:45:29,120 --> 00:45:31,760
If it's something
that you truly want to be…
981
00:45:34,320 --> 00:45:36,080
then maybe
you're not with the right woman.
982
00:45:37,120 --> 00:45:39,560
No, I only want one with you.
983
00:45:40,520 --> 00:45:42,240
What if I can't?
984
00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:45,640
[sniffles]
985
00:45:46,120 --> 00:45:48,520
We've always got the d-dog.
986
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:52,440
- And the pigeon. And the llama.
- And the pigeon. And the llama.
987
00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:56,280
I don't need a baby.
988
00:45:58,000 --> 00:45:59,600
I need you.
989
00:46:05,720 --> 00:46:07,760
- [baby simulator cries]
- Oh, fuck!
990
00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:08,960
[chuckles]
991
00:46:16,680 --> 00:46:18,120
Barry?
992
00:46:18,200 --> 00:46:19,680
Barry?
993
00:46:20,760 --> 00:46:22,040
What?
994
00:46:22,880 --> 00:46:24,320
Where the fuck have you been?
995
00:46:26,680 --> 00:46:28,000
Ahh!
996
00:46:28,080 --> 00:46:30,880
- Yer man said this was a stupid idea.
- That's a stupid idea.
997
00:46:30,960 --> 00:46:33,960
- [wails]
- Oh, no! Masked invaders!
998
00:46:34,680 --> 00:46:35,760
You know Erin Croft, right?
999
00:46:35,840 --> 00:46:37,520
- Who's asking?
- I think she's my sister.
1000
00:46:37,600 --> 00:46:38,680
To shit dads!
1001
00:46:38,760 --> 00:46:40,280
- [both giggling]
- Go, go, go!
1002
00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:42,720
One stem can fetch up to five grand.
1003
00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:43,920
Argh!
1004
00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:46,400
- Watch this…
- [groans]
1005
00:46:46,480 --> 00:46:48,680
- It's going down.
- [JJ] No, no, no!
1006
00:46:48,760 --> 00:46:50,280
[hissing]
1007
00:46:50,400 --> 00:46:54,040
♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪
1008
00:46:54,120 --> 00:46:56,880
♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪
1009
00:46:57,840 --> 00:47:01,400
♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪
1010
00:47:01,480 --> 00:47:05,040
♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪
1011
00:47:06,320 --> 00:47:09,120
♪ Give me the strength to carry on ♪
1012
00:47:10,920 --> 00:47:13,080
♪ Give me the strength to carry on… ♪
79884
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