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1
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[whooshing]
2
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["White Rabbit" playing]
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[Vinnie] Ooh… Jesus. Fucking hell.
4
00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:23,560
- I forgot you were there.
- Yes, dude, listen to this one.
5
00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:27,640
In Switzerland, if you have a guinea pig,
it has to have a pal with it.
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00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:30,400
Can't be on its own
because they're social animals, you see?
7
00:00:30,480 --> 00:00:34,600
They get lonely,
so it's illegal to keep one on its tod.
8
00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:37,120
No, it's a nice gesture,
but doesn't exactly exonerate
9
00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:38,800
the Nazi-banking cunts, does it?
10
00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:41,560
Wonder if one of them
guinea pigs could ever be like me,
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00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:43,680
just bit of an antisocial pig.
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You know, who doesn't wanna be
around all the other guinea pigs
13
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- 24-fucking-7, for God's sake.
- [coughs]
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[clears throat] What, because
of your… your social whatnot?
15
00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:57,640
You're a bad doctor.
16
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Excellent doctor.
Got my diploma to prove it.
17
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Where the fuck's my diploma?
18
00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:06,520
- Adyan Khan.
- What?
19
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,056
Adyan Khan, man. He's a fucking patient.
20
00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:10,200
- Adyan Khan?
- Yes, he's nicked it.
21
00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:12,480
He sold it to Unit John,
who owns the chippy.
22
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Fucking boss-eyed little twat.
23
00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:16,400
[keyboard clacking]
24
00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:20,720
Right, Vinnie, standard procedure is
to address the root cause of the anxiety.
25
00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:23,120
So what's making you anxious?
26
00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:26,000
- A fucking million things are making me...
- Just tell me one of them.
27
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All right. Everything's just…
28
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Everything's so expensive.
I'm just not even enjoying myself.
29
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Yeah, no, I've got nothing.
Give me something else.
30
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Erm… All right.
31
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Perfect example. Going camping
tonight with my knobhead mates.
32
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We're in the middle of fucking nowhere.
33
00:01:48,440 --> 00:01:50,360
This is not a treat for me,
you know what I mean?
34
00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,480
I'm just a fucking walking contradiction.
35
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I'm lonely, yet I can't stand
being with people. They…
36
00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:58,800
Well, maybe the fresh air
will do you good?
37
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Fantastic.
38
00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:01,240
Thank God you're here.
39
00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:04,080
- Fucking fresh air.
- Listen to this. This'll cheer you up.
40
00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:08,039
Is that Adyan Khan?
41
00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:10,759
Hi, Adyan, it's Dr Chris here.
42
00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:14,800
Adyan, there's no easy way of saying this,
really, but your tests have come back.
43
00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:18,320
Let me put it this way. I wouldn't
bother booking a holiday next year.
44
00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:20,840
You'll get in some shit for that.
45
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I think you'd better come in.
All right, bye.
46
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["Money (That's What I Want)" playing]
47
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♪ The best things in life are free ♪
48
00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:39,720
But how? How did he manage to fuck
up a job working a stop-and-go sign?
49
00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:42,400
[Carol] Ah, it was just
the pressure just got to him.
50
00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:45,720
He got confused, and now
Francis is after skinning him alive.
51
00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:46,976
He's a very sensitive fella, now,
52
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,040
so just mind you
what you be saying to him, like.
53
00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:50,200
What's this?
54
00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:53,920
Cardi. He's lost that job
I got him with my uncle on the roadworks.
55
00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:55,616
- Your Uncle Francis is an absol...
- Shh…
56
00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:56,520
'Ey up, man.
57
00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,080
- [Carol] You all right, love?
- Yeah.
58
00:02:58,320 --> 00:02:59,960
- Do you want a drink?
- No.
59
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:01,856
What time do you call this?
I said two o'clock.
60
00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:04,376
Hey. It is not my fault. It's bloody chaos
down that big posh school, man.
61
00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:06,520
Huge crash down by the roadworks.
62
00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:08,800
Absolute nightmare. You should've seen it.
63
00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:11,680
Massive pile-up with a hearse
and the whole funeral procession.
64
00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:13,440
Coffin came out
of the back and everything.
65
00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:15,800
[Sugar] I've heard that
school has got a sushi chef.
66
00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:17,280
What?
67
00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:19,496
I fucking hate that school
with a passion, do you know that?
68
00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:22,200
- The kids there are all cunts.
- It's an absolute piss-take.
69
00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:25,520
The community centre gets pushed
back on every grant we apply for.
70
00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:27,520
- Them twats get sushi chefs.
- [door opens]
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[laughs]
72
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- We all ready to go camping, then?
- [laughter]
73
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- Where's all your gear?
- We're not coming.
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- Why not?
- I'd rather get a UTI.
75
00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:39,640
It's gonna be
the usual mayhem with you lot.
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00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,656
It fucking ain't gonna be
the usual mayhem with us lot.
77
00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:43,720
It's gonna be magical,
and it's gonna be whimsical.
78
00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:47,480
["These Boots Are Made
for Walkin'" playing]
79
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:50,000
[laughter]
80
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Bring it on. Laugh it up,
you rancid bunch of dickheads.
81
00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:56,240
Well, at least one of us
is prepared for the wilderness
82
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:57,840
and her many, many challenges.
83
00:03:57,920 --> 00:03:59,976
You look like Ray Mears
crapped out a Borrower, you cunt.
84
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,280
- Where's Ashley?
- Having a poo.
85
00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:03,320
- Having a poo?
- Are you wearing that, love?
86
00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:04,400
Yeah.
87
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:06,280
What the fuck are you lot up to?
88
00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:10,000
So, it's replacement work
on the power grid.
89
00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:12,240
They're upgrading the cables or something.
90
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:16,279
♪ And now someone else
Is getting all your best ♪
91
00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,480
♪ These boots are made for walkin' ♪
92
00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:23,760
♪ And that's just what they'll do ♪
93
00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:29,240
♪ One of these days, these boots
Are gonna walk all over you ♪
94
00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:33,800
What the fuck?
95
00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:38,200
So within that one-hour window,
they cut the power to the area,
96
00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:42,360
okay, they replace the cables,
and then they restore the power.
97
00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:44,440
- [Vinnie] Oi? Oi.
- All within an hour?
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00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:45,960
All within an hour.
99
00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:48,616
Fucking giggling about? You look like
you're fixing to do a job, you lot.
100
00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:49,640
What's going on?
101
00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:53,000
Big posh school is getting
its power cut off tonight for an hour.
102
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No CCTV, no alarms, nothing.
103
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Who's fucking robbing it, you lot?
104
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Thinking about it.
105
00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:04,360
I just… I thought you were bang
against all that kind of shit.
106
00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:06,600
Thieving, yeah, I am, generally.
107
00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:08,600
But this is redistribution of wealth.
108
00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:11,400
Yeah, all right, but it's just…
that's an ambitious job, that.
109
00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:13,080
- Wait till we come back.
- What for?
110
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- We're professional thieves, aren't we?
- [laughter]
111
00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:19,200
[Carol] That there is a bit
of a stretch, now. Professional!
112
00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:22,160
I just don't want you to get
fucking nicked, do you know what I mean?
113
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The reality is, you lot are more likely
114
00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:27,536
to get in shit camping
than we are robbing that place.
115
00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:29,056
How do you figure that out,
smiling dickhead?
116
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We will see!
117
00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:32,760
- Yes, we will see. Yes, we will see.
- We will see.
118
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- We will see.
- I'll fucking see.
119
00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:36,400
I've got one word for you. Keithy McBride.
120
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It's fucking two words!
121
00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:41,000
- He's a prick.
- [all exclaim]
122
00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:42,440
- [horn honks]
- [engine starts]
123
00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:43,640
[Vinnie] Let's do it, lads.
124
00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:47,560
- Fucking hell… Where the fuck's Ashley?
- [tyres screech]
125
00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:48,680
[Cardi] He's still pooing.
126
00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:52,040
♪ You gotta go where you wanna go ♪
127
00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:54,440
♪ Do what you wanna do ♪
128
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:59,000
♪ You don't understand that a… ♪
129
00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:00,920
[laughter]
130
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:02,960
Failure to prepare is preparing to fail.
131
00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:05,520
You mark my words,
I'm a man who does not fail.
132
00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:07,816
- Is that a Cubs thing, or what?
- Fucking Cubs thing, Ashley.
133
00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:08,760
The Cubs…
134
00:06:08,840 --> 00:06:12,520
are a bunch of slags and posers.
A real man sets his own challenges.
135
00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:15,480
- Didn't you get kicked out of Cubs, Tommo?
- Yes, he got kicked out.
136
00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:17,360
I left the Cubs of my own accord.
137
00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:19,680
Yeah. After they told you
to fuck clean off, you did.
138
00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:20,800
What did they do that for?
139
00:06:20,840 --> 00:06:24,480
Fucking pushed Marie Bennett
into an electric fence. She went flying.
140
00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:25,560
[laughter]
141
00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:27,920
Anyway, by that point,
I'd outgrown the Cubs, thank you.
142
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,800
You didn't outgrow
that bloody uniform, did you?
143
00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:31,880
[cheering]
144
00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:35,760
- [rumbling and clattering]
- Fucking hell! Vin?
145
00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:38,000
- Oh. Fuck my arse.
- [hissing]
146
00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:41,520
- [Vinnie] Right, come on.
- [yells]
147
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,640
[Vinnie] Oh. Here we go.
148
00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:45,760
Oi, oi, oi.
149
00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:48,776
- The fucking hell's wrong with this now?
- [Cardi] It'll be the carburettor.
150
00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:50,880
It'll be the carb…
You don't know about carburettors.
151
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:53,040
- I do.
- [Vinnie] Come on, JJ, what is it?
152
00:06:57,520 --> 00:06:58,520
What's that?
153
00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:02,240
- It's the thing… the…
- The… the little door.
154
00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:03,560
Fuel tank?
155
00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:06,160
Correct, and what does
a fuel tank smell of?
156
00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:09,240
Cars?
157
00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:12,640
- Fuel.
- [hesitates] Ah, petrol! It's petrol.
158
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:15,640
Correct. It smells of petrol.
159
00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:17,480
Fuck me, that's a diesel engine!
160
00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:19,776
Correct answer 'cause some dickhead
has put petrol inside of it.
161
00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:20,920
Argh!
162
00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:23,640
You've fucking ruined
that now, you dickhead.
163
00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:25,320
You put petrol in a diesel van?
164
00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:28,480
- You said put 20 quid in.
- Of diesel.
165
00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:31,800
- Isn't diesel just a nickname for petrol?
- What does that even mean?
166
00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:33,880
What's the difference
between petrol and diesel?
167
00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:36,160
- There's a fucking big difference, Cardi!
- What?
168
00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:39,200
You know…
Fucking different names and that.
169
00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:41,760
Yeah. Different!
Different smell… Smell different.
170
00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:45,320
They make them perform differently,
or in this case, just not at all!
171
00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:47,440
It's to do with
the combustion within the engine.
172
00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:48,360
Thank you.
173
00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:49,816
- Honestly, stop and go…
- [van door closes]
174
00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:51,120
…diesel, petrol.
175
00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:53,280
I can't keep up
with all these fucking terms!
176
00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:56,320
Right, it's at least four miles
back to that petrol station,
177
00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:58,800
then we'll have to wait
for a tow truck. However…
178
00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:00,840
if we cut across
these fields and up that hill,
179
00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:03,240
we can get to the hiking trail
that leads to Stenner Bluff.
180
00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:05,560
- Two hours, and we're where we want to be.
- Oh, my God!
181
00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:08,840
We pick up the van tomorrow.
How's about that? Everybody on board?
182
00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:09,920
Follow me, dickheads.
183
00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:13,160
[shrieks]
184
00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:17,840
- Dickhead.
- [Vinnie] Come on.
185
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:18,960
[yelps]
186
00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:22,320
I'm all right! Dickheads. All right.
187
00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:28,880
- [reversing beeps]
- [Carol] Oh, Jesus Christ, Cardi.
188
00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:32,880
- Oh, shite. Fuck. Keep going.
- [Francis] Carol.
189
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:35,400
- Keep fucking going. Jesus Christ.
- Carol! Carol!
190
00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:38,159
Roll down the window. Roll it down.
191
00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:40,320
- Roll it down.
- Oh, how's it going?
192
00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:44,640
You see what that idiot boy of yours done?
A hearse! A fucking hearse.
193
00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:46,976
I tell ya, he's gonna need
a fucking hearse when I sees him.
194
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:50,240
Oh, Jesus, no. It's a situation, so it is.
Ah, but he's devastated, Francis, yeah.
195
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:51,280
Where is he?
196
00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:54,000
Ah, he's off now with the lads, camping.
A few pints, you know?
197
00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:55,480
- [horn honks]
- Fucking camping?
198
00:08:55,560 --> 00:08:58,800
He gets to go camping,
and I have to tidy away all this shite?
199
00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:01,120
- Mmm.
- A stop-go sign. That's all he had to do!
200
00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:03,000
Stop and go.
201
00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:05,096
- How did he fuck up that so bad?
- Do you know what, Francis?
202
00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:07,376
- How's it even possible?
- I don't know, but listen to me now.
203
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:09,680
I think it was all just a bit
too much for him, you know?
204
00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:12,440
Come here. Do you want to buy
that stop-go sign back off him?
205
00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:14,336
Because I don't think
he'll get much use of it now.
206
00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:17,320
I'll tell you…
I'm gonna shove that stop-go sign
207
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:20,040
up his fucking hole sideways
when I sees him!
208
00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:22,240
Hours behind we are,
because of him. Hours!
209
00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:24,320
Ask him how far behind, exactly.
210
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:27,240
In terms of when the power's
gonna be shut down, like…
211
00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:28,520
What time will that be now?
212
00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:31,320
We've put it back till 8:00 p.m.
'cause of that gaybag.
213
00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:32,520
Oh, is that definite?
214
00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:33,920
Yeah, 8:00 p.m.
215
00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:35,616
- And it'll be off for an hour, will it?
- Aye.
216
00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:39,000
Oh, okay, so. Smashing.
You mind how you go, won't you? See you.
217
00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:41,936
- Who put out the flaming bollards?
- [horn honks]
218
00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:44,720
I told you, you lazy sons of bitches!
219
00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:46,760
Fucking… [groans]
220
00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:51,360
[Cardi] Tommo, can you take a turn
carrying food for a bit, mate?
221
00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:52,840
[Tommo] No can do, sweetheart.
222
00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:55,680
As I've told you before,
I'm a man who sets his own challenges.
223
00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:59,840
So I am on a foraging mission,
living exclusively off the land.
224
00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:02,120
- Take these, for example.
- [Vinnie] Tom. Tommy.
225
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:04,800
Don't… don't just eat
a random fucking bush,
226
00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:06,896
just 'cause, to prove a point.
You know? Could be anything.
227
00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:08,320
That, right,
228
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,840
is what the supermarkets
want you to think. Yeah?
229
00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:15,280
Nature provides everything we need.
These are perfectly harmless, yeah?
230
00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:18,000
But you've been conditioned
to think the only things you can eat
231
00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:21,240
are fucking processed shit
wrapped in single-use plastic.
232
00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:24,920
Oh, you di… You didn't have to do that.
233
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:28,440
Do you know what I mean?
Just gotta go organic, yeah?
234
00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:30,520
Mmm. Good, are they?
235
00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:32,600
Erm… They are actually, yeah.
236
00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:37,600
- Might have another one.
- Don't have another.
237
00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:39,760
You're just trying
to prove a point on a random bush.
238
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:41,080
[stomach rumbling]
239
00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:45,960
- It's even better, that one.
- How is it better? How have they improved?
240
00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:49,160
Just gonna… wash it down.
Knock it back with a bit of…
241
00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:51,480
Yeah, knock it down…
with a fucking load of cocaine.
242
00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:53,720
That's what survivalists do!
That's how, erm…
243
00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:56,040
D-Dylan! Fuck!
244
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:58,280
Whoo! Woo-hoo!
245
00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:01,200
Dylan, why do you have
to fucking whoop like an American?
246
00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:04,136
You're gonna be paranoid in five minutes,
doing everyone's fucking head in.
247
00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:05,080
What are you on about?
248
00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:07,960
He is referencing the time
when you barricaded yourself
249
00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:10,160
into the fucking toilets
at Harley's thing.
250
00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:11,400
Are you still on about that?
251
00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:13,600
No, there was something…
something up with the gear.
252
00:11:13,680 --> 00:11:15,600
The fucking club, man, was intense.
253
00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:19,440
A club? It were a christening,
you fucking idiot!
254
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:21,040
- Was it?
- [Ash] A community centre.
255
00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:22,736
[Vinnie] Yes,
a community centre christening.
256
00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:25,720
Fucking… What does it matter?
We're out in nature now. Come on! Whoo!
257
00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:26,816
You're gonna be miserable.
258
00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:30,280
Don't tell me
any of your fucking woes now. Seriously.
259
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:37,680
[brakes squeak]
260
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:43,880
[Francis] Lads,
enough fucking daydreaming…
261
00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:47,480
["Ah Bah D'Accord" playing]
262
00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:52,800
Fox one in position. Over.
263
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:58,400
Fox two in position.
They're about to cut the power. Over.
264
00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:01,160
Fox three in position. Over.
265
00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:06,760
Fox three, what's with the pram? Over.
266
00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:08,280
It's my cover.
267
00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:12,360
I'm a foreign au pair working here
locally for a very wealthy couple
268
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,720
who've been working away
for ten years in Hong Kong.
269
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:17,280
Ouch! Over.
270
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,480
[phone rings]
271
00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,640
[Vinnie laughing on phone] A hearse.
272
00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:25,880
That's the funniest thing
I've ever fucking heard. You guys.
273
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:28,200
Fucking hell. How you
getting on, love, you all right?
274
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:31,440
- You having a good time?
- Oh, it's bloody brilliant fun. Yeah.
275
00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:34,240
- Yeah. We're having a good 'un.
- No incidents to report yet?
276
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:37,720
- No, not… not yet anyway.
- No one's done anything stupid?
277
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:40,640
- No, no.
- Hey, get off. Get off!
278
00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:42,960
- [groans] Yes.
- Fucking dickhead.
279
00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:46,400
- About nine quid's worth, that.
- And the van got there all right, did it?
280
00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:48,840
- Yeah.
- Ah, that's funny, that,
281
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:51,920
because JJ texted Sugar
saying the van broke down.
282
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,120
- Come on, come on.
- Fuck off.
283
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:55,240
[laughter]
284
00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:57,240
He'll be winding her up,
you know what he's like.
285
00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:58,560
- [beeps]
- Oh, hang on, hang on.
286
00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:02,400
Dylan's just posted
a picture of him and Tommo.
287
00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:05,160
"Hashtag camping bros."
288
00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:08,840
And there seems to be a lot
of white powder round their noses.
289
00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:12,360
[laughs] Dylan on drugs.
290
00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:16,080
- You are in for a night of it, you are.
- Listen, he's not had that much.
291
00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:18,776
- He'll be fucking fine.
- Well, I hope you're prepared to babysit.
292
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:20,696
Because let's be honest,
it ain't gonna end well, is it?
293
00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:24,000
Oi. You stop worrying about mine.
You just worry about your own job.
294
00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:27,000
Now, like I said to ya,
when things inevitably go wrong,
295
00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:30,000
just do what you can
to not to bury anyone alive.
296
00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:32,560
[laughter]
297
00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:34,440
That ain't gonna get old, is it?
298
00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:37,000
All right, well, have fun
looking after your coked-up mate
299
00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:39,520
who can't handle his drugs. Bye-bye!
300
00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:41,080
Fuck! Fuck!
301
00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:42,280
[chuckles]
302
00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:44,160
Dickheads. What's the fucking deal?
303
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:47,000
Why are you all texting
the fucking girl… Shit!
304
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,480
- [mechanical whirring stops]
- [Erin] Power's cut.
305
00:13:50,560 --> 00:13:52,080
All right, foxes. Let's go.
306
00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:57,720
["Daddy Issues" playing]
307
00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:02,640
Go, go, go.
308
00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:18,960
[all] Ooh!
309
00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:26,880
Go!
310
00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:41,040
[Erin] Where the fuck is she?
311
00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:47,200
Ooh.
312
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:50,960
Jesus, Carol. Where the fuck are ya?
313
00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:53,840
Oh, come on.
314
00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:57,400
We're cutting it fine. Shit!
315
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,920
- Where is she? What's she doing?
- I don't know. I don't…
316
00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:01,920
Carol! Carol!
317
00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:04,320
- [door opens]
- ["The Ecstasy of Gold" plays]
318
00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:06,800
They're fucking triple-quilted, like!
319
00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:08,120
Come on, run!
320
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:15,200
I've never felt anything like it
in my fucking life, girls.
321
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,160
- [music stops]
- [beeping]
322
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:22,120
No alarm.
323
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:24,840
- No alarm!
- [cheering]
324
00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:26,400
♪ I'm gonna phone Vinnie ♪
325
00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:28,680
- ♪ I'm gonna phone Vinnie ♪
- ♪ I'm gonna phone Cardi ♪
326
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,600
[phone rings]
327
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,240
- Oh…
- What?
328
00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:33,160
What?
329
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:35,040
- Oh, shit.
- [Vinnie] You all right, love?
330
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:37,720
- Tell me you didn't.
- Oh, fuck.
331
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:40,080
I think I dropped it
when I was using the toilet.
332
00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:42,320
No! Fuck sake, Carol!
333
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,800
Yeah, I dropped my phone, I did.
I dropped my phone.
334
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:47,920
[chimes]
335
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:54,240
Hang on. Can they trace
that phone back to you, though?
336
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:56,840
Er… the photo!
337
00:15:57,240 --> 00:16:01,520
There's a photo of all three of us
posing with the frigging security guard.
338
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:03,480
- Don't be a thick, Sugar. Fuck.
- Fuck's sake.
339
00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:07,560
Get me the crowbar.
340
00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:10,640
[Dylan] How do you not know that?
341
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,840
- Everyone around here knows that.
- Knows about what?
342
00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:14,960
- About the Lawler Hunting Party.
- What the fuck?
343
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:18,080
- Social media slags. Myspacing and sh...
- [Ash] Are you serious, though?
344
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:20,280
- You're not winding me up?
- It's a fact, dude.
345
00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:22,680
- It happened in them woods down there.
- What happened?
346
00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:25,720
- The Lawler Hunting Party.
- [Cardi] They all disappeared.
347
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:28,320
Six people went hunting
in them woods down there,
348
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:30,760
and then… vanished into thin air.
349
00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:33,720
They found one lad
naked and disorientated.
350
00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:35,920
Ashley, sweetheart,
don't be getting upset about it.
351
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:39,360
- It's just a fucking wives' tale.
- It's not, it's an historical fact.
352
00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:41,200
There's a display about it in the library.
353
00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:43,160
- Library.
- All right, listen to this, yeah?
354
00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:47,320
Winter of 1927, the group were last
seen entering the woods upon the hill.
355
00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,480
Villagers reported
hearing screams in the night
356
00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:51,600
coming from the vicinity
in the weeks that followed.
357
00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:54,400
Two weeks later, on February 12th,
358
00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:57,240
20-year-old apprentice
gamekeeper Thomas Dylan
359
00:16:57,320 --> 00:17:00,360
was found clinging
to the branch of an ancient tree
360
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:02,120
in a catatonic state.
361
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:03,840
Well, we've all been there, haven't we?
362
00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:05,319
Jesus Christ.
363
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,960
He remained that way
and was held in an asylum
364
00:17:08,599 --> 00:17:11,200
until his death in the 1950s!
365
00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:17,119
Isn't this also close enough to where
Adyan Khan was chased by that pigman?
366
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,000
- [Cardi] What's a pigman?
- Well, maybe…
367
00:17:20,079 --> 00:17:21,880
it'll be a pig
with a man's head, won't it?
368
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:25,680
No, no. It's the body of a man
with the head of a pig.
369
00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:30,000
No, no, no, 'cause I heard he also had…
370
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:31,560
the nipples.
371
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:35,120
Dude… Now… now you see what you do…
372
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:37,160
You've really fucking made him cry there.
373
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:39,960
This is you, Dylan.
Has he had more cocaine, this wanker?
374
00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:40,920
- No.
- Yeah, he has.
375
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,840
Get your fucking shit together, right now.
Break time's over.
376
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:44,960
- Now.
- Fuck off.
377
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:48,840
[Vinnie] I'll take the food, man.
Oi, stop texting the fucking girls.
378
00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:52,480
[Cardi] Is it much further?
I'm really tired.
379
00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:56,320
As the crow flies, Stenner Bluff
is about a mile in that direction.
380
00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:58,840
- Through them woods?
- Yes, through them woods.
381
00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:02,040
Are they the woods JJ was talking about,
with the Hunting Party and that?
382
00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:04,760
Oh, no, that's a classic
horror film mistake, that, lads.
383
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:07,440
Yeah, guys, wait. We can't be
taking the piss out of them woods.
384
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:09,376
Listen, we just got to stick
to the straight paths.
385
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:12,160
No one is taking the piss
out of the fucking woods.
386
00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:14,120
We're supposed to be
having a good time, boys.
387
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:15,840
Right. All those…
388
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:19,480
who are not gonna shit their pants
in the fucking woods, follow me.
389
00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:21,960
They're just woods. They're just woods.
390
00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:24,360
[eerie music playing]
391
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:29,000
Come on.
392
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,440
[bird caws]
393
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:37,440
Tom? You look like shit, dude.
Are you all right?
394
00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:39,840
No, no, no.
I am absolutely fine, thank you.
395
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:41,416
- [stomach rumbling]
- Tom?
396
00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:44,560
- [farting and stomach rumbling]
- Hey. Shh, shh. Did you hear that?
397
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:46,240
What?
398
00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:49,480
Exactly. It's like
the whole place is dead.
399
00:18:50,120 --> 00:18:52,680
It's like a tomb.
No, don't… Please. Don't, man.
400
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:56,520
- [electrical buzzing]
- Hey. Hey. Hey! Do you hear that?
401
00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:58,040
Yeah.
402
00:18:58,480 --> 00:19:00,560
It's like whispers
in the trees or something.
403
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:01,880
Whispering trees?
404
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,640
- Did you not hear it?
- No, no, I think I did that time.
405
00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:06,896
Yeah, no. I heard it.
It were like whispers, weren't it, Dill?
406
00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:08,120
Dyldo! Oi!
407
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:10,096
Are you fucking frightening all them lads?
408
00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:12,600
You know Ashley's sensitive,
with your paranoid bullshit.
409
00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:15,240
- [Dylan] It's all right. Sorry.
- Fuck.
410
00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:17,400
Does my head in. Tom?
411
00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:25,280
- Dill?
- [yelps] Huh?
412
00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:26,520
- You all right?
- Yeah.
413
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:28,640
How many nipples does a male pig have?
414
00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:34,480
- What?
- [Tommo farts]
415
00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:38,720
[Vinnie] Oh, gross, dude. Tommy, 'fess up.
You've got diarrhoea, bruv.
416
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:41,360
- Have I? Fuck. I'm foraging, aren't I?
- You are not foraging.
417
00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:43,721
You had all them fucking berries
we begged you not to eat.
418
00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,320
Now you've poisoned yourself.
You've got terrible diarrhoea!
419
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:48,960
[hesitates] No, I haven't.
I'm forag… Ah! [farts]
420
00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:51,680
- Ooh. I'm telling you, I saw something.
- Oi!
421
00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:54,360
It was a robed figure.
422
00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:56,200
What are them twats doing?
423
00:19:57,440 --> 00:20:00,240
[farts] Oh, God. [grunts]
424
00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:02,440
- [squelching]
- Ooh.
425
00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:03,520
[bird caws]
426
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:04,600
[chimes]
427
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:15,680
- [Sugar] Ow. Watch out.
- [Erin] Shh. Quiet.
428
00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:18,400
It's not me.
Carol keeps sticking her arse in my face.
429
00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:20,576
I think you'll find it's you
sticking your face in my arse.
430
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:22,800
- [clanging]
- [Sugar] It's your own fault, Carol. Argh!
431
00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:24,600
- [clattering]
- [Carol] Fuck!
432
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:28,160
Now, how much longer are we gonna be
trekking on like knobheads for?
433
00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:30,440
- I dunno how that map's helping you.
- Vinnie. Vinnie.
434
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:32,880
It is very complicated, right?
I have to triangulate stars…
435
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:36,440
- Well, what's the compass for, so?
- The compass, thank you for asking,
436
00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:38,680
is for finding the sun
and stars and that, in't it?
437
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:40,560
- [sniffs]
- Fuck off, you dickhead!
438
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,720
- Dude… Dill.
- Yeah.
439
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:46,560
[Ash] What was the name
of that lad you said they found
440
00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:48,680
clinging to the branches
of an ancient tree?
441
00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:51,960
- Thomas Dylan.
- [JJ] Thomas Dylan! Oh, my God!
442
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:54,800
This could be the actual tree
where they found him!
443
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:56,080
It's definitely the tree.
444
00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:58,040
- [groans]
- [eerie music plays, stops abruptly]
445
00:20:58,120 --> 00:21:00,240
Don't wind each other.
It's just a fucking tree.
446
00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:02,440
- Dude! What you doing?
- Argh!
447
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:04,376
What's it look like I'm doing?
I'm having a slash.
448
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,600
Tommo, you mustn't piss on magic.
449
00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:09,256
'Cause some lad wanked himself
into a coma in it hundred years ago?
450
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:11,880
Oh, I'm very scared. Ooh!
451
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:14,000
I'm fucking shitting myself. [farts]
452
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:17,520
[thunder rumbles]
453
00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:20,120
- [caws]
- Nice one, Tommo.
454
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:22,440
You probably just put
a fucking curse on all of us!
455
00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:24,600
So will you please
just get us out of here?
456
00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:26,880
[Dylan] What the fuck is this?
457
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:29,600
- What is that?
- This is a map of North Korea!
458
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:32,120
- Thomas?
- No, no, no. Hang on, hang on.
459
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:33,840
Before you get upset, right, I…
460
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:38,800
- I had to set myself a personal challenge.
- What the fuck?
461
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:42,960
A personal challenge
to survive in the wilderness…
462
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:48,120
without any provisions
or the assistance of a map.
463
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:49,280
- Oh, Jesus.
- Oh.
464
00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:50,360
What the fuck?
465
00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:54,000
- [clamouring and yelling]
- Hey, hey, hey. Behave yourselves.
466
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:56,440
You have led us in the middle
of this flipping murder forest
467
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:58,976
with no idea of where we are going
or how we're gonna fucking get out!
468
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:00,160
I've got an idea.
469
00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:02,680
[laughs] Don't you worry,
sweetheart, because…
470
00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:04,840
We must follow the compass. Ha-ha!
471
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:10,160
Navigationally, we must
continue in that direction. [laughs]
472
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:12,400
- Follow me!
- [stomach rumbling]
473
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:19,520
Come here,
Shiticus Maximus Decimus Meridius
474
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:21,680
with your fucking map of North Korea.
475
00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:24,216
- [Ash] Absolute worst day out ever.
- [Dylan] Should have put me in charge.
476
00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:25,960
[Cardi] Why has
he got a map of North Korea?
477
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:33,600
♪ If you go down in the woods today ♪
478
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:36,200
♪ You're sure of a big surprise ♪
479
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:39,280
♪ If you go down in the woods today ♪
480
00:22:39,360 --> 00:22:41,840
♪ You'd better go in disguise ♪
481
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:44,400
♪ For every bear that ever there was ♪
482
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:47,080
♪ Will gather there for certain because… ♪
483
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,360
You are so bad-tempered, dude.
484
00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:52,800
- You are bad-tempered!
- No, you. Settle down.
485
00:22:54,120 --> 00:22:55,120
Wanker.
486
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:11,440
[Tommo] Not long now, lads,
we'll be out of these woods.
487
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:14,440
[Vinnie] Hang on a minute, man.
We've defin… We've been here.
488
00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:15,776
Without question, we've been here.
489
00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:18,480
No, no, no. All terrain looks
similar to the untrained eye.
490
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:20,640
Oh, fuck me,
it's one of Tommo's coke bags.
491
00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:21,560
No, no, no, no.
492
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:23,736
That's not one of my…
It's not one of my coke bags, no!
493
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:25,800
It says Dylan on the fucking tree!
494
00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:28,960
Oh, my God, we've been
going round in circles, Thomas!
495
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:30,960
It's a different tree. It's got to be!
496
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:33,336
We've been going in a straight line.
It's got to be a different tree.
497
00:23:33,360 --> 00:23:35,560
It's the same one, you clown.
498
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:37,600
It's called us back. It's cursed!
499
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:40,400
It's not fucking cursed, Dylan.
It's a fucking tree.
500
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:41,400
Fuck you, Tommo.
501
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:43,416
You've fucking lied to us.
Now we're gonna die here!
502
00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:44,640
[Ash] I don't like this.
503
00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:46,520
[JJ] I knew
I shouldn't have come, dickhead.
504
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,360
Lads, lads, lads.
505
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:50,600
- [thunder rumbles]
- We may perhaps…
506
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:54,240
have found ourselves
in a little bit of a tight spot.
507
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:58,440
But now is not the time…
to dissolve into petty bickering
508
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:00,880
about who may or may not be to blame.
509
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:02,880
No one's bickering.
We all agree you're to blame.
510
00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:05,280
- You. Without question.
- It's like that, is it?
511
00:24:05,360 --> 00:24:08,880
Well, how's about this for an idea, then?
Find your own fucking way out.
512
00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:12,280
Yeah? Anyone who wants
to survive these woods, follow me.
513
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:16,200
- [bird caws]
- Tom, don't sulk off, man.
514
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:18,880
- Fuck yourselves, mates!
- Oh, Christ. Thomas!
515
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:20,800
- Let him go.
- Wanker.
516
00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:22,456
Come on.
Oi, get away from the tree, come on.
517
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:23,840
[thunder rumbles]
518
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:28,520
Tom? Tom?
519
00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:30,920
- Oh, fuck!
- Where'd he go?
520
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:33,600
- [Cardi] He's just vanished.
- Fuck.
521
00:24:36,360 --> 00:24:39,200
Vinnie… I think we should just
pitch camp here for the night.
522
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:40,600
Right? Get a fire going.
523
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:42,080
- Set out first light.
- [all groan]
524
00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:44,240
Let's just face facts here for a minute.
525
00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:46,520
We're just a little bit
lost in the woods here, lads.
526
00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:53,000
We're lost in the woods.
Jesus Christ. Help us!
527
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:56,440
Help! Argh! Help us right now.
528
00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:58,720
[yelling]
529
00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:03,560
- [Vinnie] Oi! Give over.
- [Dylan] You. You did this.
530
00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:06,240
Sit down for a fucking minute, will you?
Have a minute!
531
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:09,560
Sit down! Convalesce. Now…
532
00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:12,520
Dude, we cannot stay here,
in these woods, at night.
533
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:13,520
Why not?
534
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:16,200
Fuck this. Call the woodland police,
tell them to come and get us.
535
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:18,720
Now, hang on a minute,
that is a good idea.
536
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:20,680
Try and find the number
for the woodland po…
537
00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:21,840
That's not a fucking thing.
538
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:22,840
I'm phoning Carol.
539
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:25,000
- How would the po… Don't.
- I'm phoning Carol!
540
00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:26,216
Tell her we're having a good time.
541
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:27,560
- Tell her.
- No fucking signal.
542
00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:28,880
- [JJ] Oh, my God.
- [chiming]
543
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:30,200
I ain't got no signal either.
544
00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:31,200
I've got no fucking signal.
545
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:33,440
- Well, that's the idea.
- I burnt my eyebrow.
546
00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:34,440
He's burnt his eyebrow.
547
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:37,160
Just fucking chill out,
man, for fuck's sake.
548
00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:40,640
Can we all just calm the fuck down?
549
00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:44,200
[grate clatters]
550
00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:56,760
Right, Sugar, you stay up here
in case we need pulling up, yeah?
551
00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:57,680
Okay.
552
00:25:57,760 --> 00:26:01,160
- Are you calling it?
- Yes, Carol, I'm calling it, yeah.
553
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:03,720
- I'll go check the jacks.
- Yes. Quick, quick, quick.
554
00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:05,520
- [clattering]
- Fucking hell.
555
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:08,080
I am gonna check over there.
556
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:10,080
[gasps]
557
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:14,320
[beeping]
558
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:18,440
[beeps]
559
00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:20,880
[rapid beeps]
560
00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:25,360
Oh, shit. Motion sensor.
561
00:26:26,120 --> 00:26:27,960
Don't move.
562
00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:33,560
[Dylan] Hey, hey, hey!
I've seen things in them woods.
563
00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:35,400
- What things?
- Hidden figures.
564
00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:36,896
Figures in the trees. Figures in robes.
565
00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:38,440
- Masks. Figures.
- [mouthing]
566
00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:40,360
They're dressed like monks.
567
00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:42,240
- [sighs]
- Monkeys in masks!
568
00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:44,200
- [groans]
- [crashing]
569
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:46,760
Oh, fuck! What the hell was that?
570
00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:50,120
- Sounded like a tree falling over.
- Dude, trees don't just fall over.
571
00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:54,600
Absolutely, they do. It's a very
tree-ish thing… to do, actually.
572
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:56,000
What could make a tree fall over?
573
00:26:56,560 --> 00:27:00,800
- A bunch of monks!
- Fuck me, that's it. Shut the fuck up!
574
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:02,880
You're frightening
the shit out of each other.
575
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:05,040
There aren't fucking monks…
576
00:27:05,120 --> 00:27:08,040
pushing over trees! There's no curse.
577
00:27:08,120 --> 00:27:10,760
There's definitely not a man
with the head of a pig
578
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:15,120
and fucking giant nips.
It's just us and a load of fucking trees.
579
00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:17,360
Now don't text the fucking girls.
580
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:19,840
Stop trying. If they find out
we're having a shit time,
581
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:21,840
I lose the fucking thing with Erin.
582
00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:29,120
- Where are you going?
- I'm going finding the phantom shitter!
583
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:31,960
Fucking out here somewhere. Frodo!
584
00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:34,680
- Who?
- [JJ] Shit. Vin!
585
00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:37,360
What the fuck is happening with him today?
586
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:43,840
This is a bit like
Squid Game, in't it, Erin?
587
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:44,920
Jesus.
588
00:27:48,360 --> 00:27:51,760
Sugar, I need to move. I'm getting cramp.
589
00:27:53,360 --> 00:27:58,760
Okay. Just move very, very gradually
so they won't register you.
590
00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:00,800
[softly] Okay.
591
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:05,640
[grunts]
592
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:12,000
[Vinnie] Thomas? Thomas!
593
00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:15,400
Tom? Tommy?
594
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:16,520
Come on, dude.
595
00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:19,800
Fuck!
596
00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:24,320
Tom? Tom, I'm serious, man.
597
00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:27,640
Come on, stop fucking
around, dude. It's pitch black.
598
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:28,720
Tom?
599
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:33,320
Dude, come on, stop fucking about, you f…
600
00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:34,880
[screams]
601
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:40,080
[screams]
602
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:41,160
[grunts]
603
00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:44,040
[grunts]
604
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:48,240
Oh, thank fuck.
605
00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:56,800
Keep going, you're getting closer.
That's it, you're nearly here.
606
00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:03,600
[footsteps creak gently]
607
00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:07,520
Keep coming.
608
00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:09,640
[door bangs]
609
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:10,976
It was only on the floor of the jacks!
610
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:13,240
- [alarm wails]
- Shit!
611
00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:15,720
Fucking hell! Come on.
612
00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:20,480
[grunting]
613
00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:21,920
- [grunts]
- [door opens]
614
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:26,960
- Bloody thing.
- [alarm stops, beeps]
615
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:29,240
- [chimes]
- Behave yourself.
616
00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:36,480
- You're hurting me hole.
- [yells]
617
00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:38,296
- [grunting]
- [Erin] Oh, fuck!
618
00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:39,400
[Carol] Jesus Christ…
619
00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:44,600
["I Put a Spell on You" playing]
620
00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:50,520
Oh, fuck. Fucking hell. Thomas?
621
00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:53,360
♪ I put a spell on you ♪
622
00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:55,360
Christ…
623
00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:59,400
Managed to shite
his own pants off. Impressive!
624
00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:01,840
♪ Because you're mine ♪
625
00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:10,320
♪ Stop the things you do ♪
626
00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:14,360
All right, there we are. [exhales]
627
00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:16,080
♪ What's up? ♪
628
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:19,240
♪ I ain't lying… ♪
629
00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:20,920
Oh, fuck! Shit!
630
00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:25,040
- [rustling, thudding]
- Oh! Ow!
631
00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:26,760
♪ Oh, yeah! ♪
632
00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:43,800
[gentle cracking]
633
00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:45,880
[twigs snapping gently]
634
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:50,640
You don't have to skulk out there.
635
00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:53,480
Come, take a seat, if you like.
636
00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:56,480
Sorry.
637
00:30:57,240 --> 00:30:59,240
I didn't…
I just didn't want to make you jump.
638
00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:01,640
I, er… Gone camping
with my dickhead mates,
639
00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:04,240
ended up getting a bit lost myself, so…
640
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:05,320
Aren't we all?
641
00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:08,480
- Have a seat.
- Oh, thanks ever so much, man.
642
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:10,160
You are a bloody angel.
643
00:31:10,240 --> 00:31:11,240
[sighs]
644
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:15,760
Go on, Tommo. Here you go.
Pull yourself together, lad.
645
00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:17,680
You're a big boy. It's just nature.
646
00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:24,040
Trees, more trees, leaves… and mulch.
647
00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:26,440
Nothing weird about that whatso… Ugh.
648
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:29,800
["Dies irae" plays]
649
00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:33,240
Fuck.
650
00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:37,920
[gasps, farts]
651
00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:42,200
[JJ] Maybe what
you saw wasn't a monk. Okay?
652
00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:45,080
- What else could it be?
- I dunno. A nun?
653
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:52,200
Dill? The monk…
did he have friends with him?
654
00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:53,280
[Dylan] Eh?
655
00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:55,360
- Were they carrying torches?
- Eh?
656
00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:58,880
- Fuck!
- [all clamouring]
657
00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:01,720
- [Ash] Don't leave me!
- [Cardi] It's fucking monks!
658
00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:07,760
I'm just…
659
00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:12,000
I don't think I'm good at being
around people, is all, you know?
660
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:18,520
I know it sounds fucking daft.
661
00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:22,840
Let me see if I've got this right.
662
00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:26,240
You find it hard being around people,
663
00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:29,520
so you go off and live in the woods.
664
00:32:29,600 --> 00:32:31,840
But living alone makes you feel lonely.
665
00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:35,840
So you try and dip your toe
back in every once in a while,
666
00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:39,160
do normal things normal people do.
667
00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:42,600
But doing these things
make you feel like an impostor.
668
00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:44,680
It makes you miserable.
669
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:46,920
That about right?
670
00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:50,320
Yeah.
671
00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:53,440
Hmm. Well, you're wrong.
672
00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:56,120
- Eh?
- You're wrong.
673
00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:58,320
- Your thinking's off.
- Is it?
674
00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:02,240
Yeah. You're comparing yourself
to people who you don't want to be.
675
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:04,240
- Yeah.
- [chuckles]
676
00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:05,680
Fucking hell, yeah. I do that.
677
00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:09,240
But that doesn't make you weird.
678
00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:11,200
What it makes you
679
00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:13,440
is a success.
680
00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:19,960
Because it makes you the master
of your own destiny, man, like me.
681
00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:23,840
You and me, we're not like
the rest of the trees in the forest.
682
00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:28,560
We're… beautiful anomalies of nature,
683
00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:33,200
like them trees you see growing
out of the side of some chimney
684
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:37,240
on a derelict factory,
despite all the damage.
685
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:40,320
How you are
686
00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:44,760
is not some sort of handicap. It's a gift.
687
00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:49,200
Don't waste your life
688
00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:51,840
caring what other people think about you.
689
00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:54,400
The only thing that matters…
690
00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:58,200
is being honest with yourself.
691
00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:01,600
Knowing you are a decent human being.
692
00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:08,760
I fucking really needed that. [sobs]
693
00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:14,000
Oh, sorry.
694
00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:17,679
Right. [clears throat]
695
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:20,120
I'd better go and find them knobheads, eh?
696
00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:23,600
Pleasure to meet you, Vincent. On you go.
697
00:34:24,199 --> 00:34:25,600
Don't be a stranger.
698
00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:35,760
[Erin] Quick. Quick.
699
00:34:40,760 --> 00:34:43,520
- Here.
- [Sugar] I'm up. I'm up.
700
00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:45,600
Oh, fuck! Argh!
701
00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:54,199
- [guard] What the bloody hell was that?
- Come on, quick!
702
00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:03,440
[switch clicking]
703
00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:05,360
[beeping]
704
00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:09,640
Bloody hell.
705
00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:11,280
[sighs]
706
00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:13,320
[Carol] I knew this was a bad idea.
707
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:14,680
It was your fucking idea.
708
00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:19,080
The last lot who tried
to rob this place got 18 months.
709
00:35:20,640 --> 00:35:22,280
It's classed as a charity here.
710
00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:26,600
Judges take a very dim view
of people who rob charities.
711
00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:30,520
However…
712
00:35:31,640 --> 00:35:33,080
an all-female crew.
713
00:35:34,200 --> 00:35:35,600
To be honest,
714
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:38,440
I think it's way overdue, if you ask me.
715
00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:41,880
You know, I'm a big fan of women.
716
00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:44,760
And feminists, all of that.
Got all the hashtags.
717
00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:48,640
Look, you gave it a bloody good go.
718
00:35:48,720 --> 00:35:50,360
You should be really proud of yourselves.
719
00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:52,736
I don't want this
to put you off trying anything
720
00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:54,240
like this again in the future.
721
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:58,720
However, I need you to put
everything back… just as you found it.
722
00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:01,600
But I need you
to do it in the next five minutes,
723
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:04,000
or I'm calling the cops. Chop-chop.
724
00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:06,520
Fuck's sake.
725
00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:10,400
- [owl hoots]
- Shit.
726
00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:12,680
Shit! Fuck me.
727
00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:14,800
Tom?
728
00:36:16,960 --> 00:36:20,440
Tom? Thomas? T…
729
00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:23,080
[Tommo] Vincent?
730
00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:27,600
Thomas.
731
00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:30,080
Are you all right?
732
00:36:31,840 --> 00:36:33,680
No, I'm not all right.
733
00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:35,960
There's monks after me, and…
734
00:36:36,040 --> 00:36:38,120
I did, in fact, have terrible diarrhoea.
735
00:36:38,240 --> 00:36:39,520
Can I borrow your joggers?
736
00:36:41,360 --> 00:36:42,560
- Listen to me.
- Yeah.
737
00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:44,616
- You've eaten a load of poisonous berries.
- Yeah.
738
00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:45,840
Done too much cocaine.
739
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:49,680
You've ended up fucking shitting
yourself senseless, you daft cunt.
740
00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:51,096
- Do you know what I mean?
- Yeah, yeah.
741
00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:53,800
Robed figures in the middle
of the fucking woods. Jesu...
742
00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:56,840
Oh, fucking shit!
Get the fuck down. Get down!
743
00:36:57,920 --> 00:36:59,880
[grunting]
744
00:36:59,960 --> 00:37:01,480
Torch. Torch, dude!
745
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:03,600
Oh, shit. Mine.
746
00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:10,920
Now do you believe me?
747
00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:14,240
Yes, I do.
We need to get the fuck out of here.
748
00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:16,480
Oh, shit! Woodlice.
749
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:20,840
[all chanting] Brotherhood of the Hood.
Brotherhood of the Hood.
750
00:37:20,920 --> 00:37:25,280
Brotherhood of the Hood.
Brotherhood of the Hood.
751
00:37:25,360 --> 00:37:26,800
[chanting continues]
752
00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:28,480
[JJ] Shh. Quiet.
753
00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:34,080
- [Dylan] Jesus Christ.
- [Ash] Lads, what the fuck is that?
754
00:37:37,800 --> 00:37:40,040
Fuck's sake. Dude.
755
00:37:40,560 --> 00:37:42,240
[chanting continues]
756
00:37:42,880 --> 00:37:43,880
Holy shit.
757
00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:49,040
[chanting continues]
758
00:37:49,120 --> 00:37:51,200
Dude, what are they doing with that guy?
759
00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:54,856
They're putting him in…
They're gonna fucking set fire…
760
00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:56,240
They're gonna sacrifice that man.
761
00:37:56,320 --> 00:37:59,160
- Right, now, listen to me. I have to help.
- Vinnie…
762
00:37:59,240 --> 00:38:02,200
- I'm right behind ya.
- Right on my back.
763
00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:03,640
I love you, man.
764
00:38:03,720 --> 00:38:05,720
Right, let's go. Let's do it.
765
00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:07,520
[chanting continues]
766
00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:08,680
["Sabotage" playing]
767
00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:12,200
[yells] Oi, oi, oi. Stop it.
Stop what you're doing!
768
00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:15,200
Argh, you fuckers. Oi, oi, oi.
Stop it. Stop what you're doing.
769
00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:16,656
Stop what you're fucking doing right now.
770
00:38:16,680 --> 00:38:17,720
[whimpers]
771
00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:20,160
Someone just check on that guy there.
I'm worried about him.
772
00:38:21,160 --> 00:38:22,480
What the fuck?
773
00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:25,800
Tommo! You were supposed
to come down with me, man.
774
00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:27,600
Sorry. Lost me confidence.
775
00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:29,520
That was him.
776
00:38:30,080 --> 00:38:31,080
Dill!
777
00:38:31,880 --> 00:38:34,920
- Shit!
- [grunting]
778
00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:38,960
Dylan! Dylan, settle down a little bit.
You've had too much cocaine.
779
00:38:39,040 --> 00:38:40,200
Where are your trousers?
780
00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:41,776
I had to give 'em to Tom. He shat himself.
781
00:38:41,800 --> 00:38:44,320
Now, everyone, just fucking back off.
782
00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:47,040
It's all right, lad. Back off, fucker.
783
00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:49,200
It's all right. It's all right, lad.
784
00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:51,960
- [man 1] What's happening?
- It's all right.
785
00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:53,400
You're safe now.
786
00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:54,920
- Who are you?
- What do you mean?
787
00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:56,200
We're fucking here to save ya.
788
00:38:56,240 --> 00:38:57,696
Get you away from all these fuckwits.
789
00:38:57,720 --> 00:38:59,800
- Yeah, what for?
- What do you mean, "What for?"
790
00:38:59,880 --> 00:39:01,240
Is this still part of it?
791
00:39:01,320 --> 00:39:03,800
- Part of fucking what?
- The ceremony?
792
00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:07,800
No! We are rescuers.
We've come to rescue you.
793
00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:11,200
[man 2] The non-believers have
broken the Brotherhood's sacred circle!
794
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:12,456
- They must not…
- That's Shirley.
795
00:39:12,480 --> 00:39:14,960
[all] Shirley? Shirley!
796
00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:17,080
No… No, I know not of who you speak.
797
00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:18,760
[Jim] It fucking well is him!
798
00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:20,880
Why wouldn't Jimbo be here as well?
799
00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:23,760
I'm filming it all.
I told you I'd expose you, didn't I?
800
00:39:23,840 --> 00:39:25,720
You bunch of fucking nonces.
801
00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:27,096
You can shove that camera up your arse.
802
00:39:27,120 --> 00:39:28,280
Fuck me, that's Bishop.
803
00:39:28,360 --> 00:39:32,080
- Just a bit of fun! Bit of fun?
- Like burning people in the woods?
804
00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:35,240
- We're not burning anybody?
- No! It's more of a ceremonial thing.
805
00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:38,120
- It was.
- What the fuck is going on? Jimbo!
806
00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:39,840
The Brotherhood of the Hood.
807
00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:43,960
[all chanting] Brotherhood of the Hood.
Brotherhood of the Hood.
808
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:45,040
The Broth… Broth… What?
809
00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:46,840
Yeah, I know, it's a shit name,
810
00:39:47,040 --> 00:39:51,040
for a shit so-called secret society
full of local fucking nutters.
811
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:54,520
- Businessmen.
- And women and non-binary individuals.
812
00:39:54,600 --> 00:39:55,880
[man 3] We're very progressive!
813
00:39:55,960 --> 00:40:00,080
Yes, and women and non-binary individuals
who enjoy the iconography of the occult,
814
00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:03,560
but also have a shared interest
in Hawley's local business community.
815
00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:06,760
Captains of industry in the greater
Hawley area, is how I'd describe us.
816
00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:10,480
Not that we're allowed to tell anyone,
being a secret society and all.
817
00:40:10,560 --> 00:40:11,560
[laughter]
818
00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:14,880
So it's Masons who can't get into Masons?
819
00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:17,520
- [man 4] No. Fuck the Masons.
- Perverts, the lot of them.
820
00:40:17,600 --> 00:40:18,440
Ah, yeah.
821
00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:22,560
But cramming weird nymph men
into fucking wicker yoga balls…
822
00:40:23,400 --> 00:40:24,840
It's supposed to be an egg.
823
00:40:24,920 --> 00:40:26,616
- It's not an egg, is it?
- It's perfectly round.
824
00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:28,120
Graham was in charge of weaving that.
825
00:40:28,160 --> 00:40:29,960
Well, I'm not a professional weaver, am I?
826
00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:32,600
I'm a patissier. Eight months that took.
827
00:40:32,720 --> 00:40:36,040
And not one of you said,
"Well done, Graham, great job."
828
00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:37,536
[Brotherhood murmuring] Well done, Graham.
829
00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:39,760
Hang on. Right, so am I in or not, then?
830
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:42,680
No, Geoff. Unfortunately,
the circle has been broken,
831
00:40:42,760 --> 00:40:45,480
which means that you must
be forsaken by the Brotherhood
832
00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:47,800
and can never subsequently be inducted.
833
00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:49,360
Fucking bollocks, that is.
834
00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:51,560
This is exactly what you wanted,
isn't it, Graham?
835
00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:53,176
He's been trying to stop me from joining
836
00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:55,760
ever since I opened a sandwich
shop next to his cake shop.
837
00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:58,376
It's a patisserie, thank you very much.
I don't know what you're talking about.
838
00:40:58,400 --> 00:41:00,000
Yeah, you tell 'em, Geoff.
839
00:41:00,080 --> 00:41:02,360
These lot have been
ripping the piss out of you.
840
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:04,720
"Half-eaten yogurt," one of 'em called ya.
841
00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:07,000
One of 'em said
you looked like an anorexic sperm
842
00:41:07,080 --> 00:41:09,120
trying to fertilise a fucking wicker egg.
843
00:41:09,240 --> 00:41:12,040
Fuck this for a game of soldiers.
Ash, come on, get your shit together.
844
00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:16,216
[Jim] Hey, bit of a disappointment in
the woods tonight, weren't it, eh, lads?
845
00:41:16,240 --> 00:41:17,400
You caused all this, you.
846
00:41:17,480 --> 00:41:20,000
What were you doing in the woods
with a camera anyway, you perv?
847
00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:23,240
- Masons wouldn't have ya. Amateurs.
- Go bum a cow, Farmer Giles.
848
00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:25,960
Hey, are we all right, lads?
Come on, give us a smile.
849
00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:28,040
You're on telly. Here we go.
850
00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:30,920
We'll get back to you in due course
if your application's successful.
851
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:32,760
Take that dick off your head and fuck off.
852
00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:34,040
Fucking hell, calm down.
853
00:41:34,120 --> 00:41:37,440
Jim, leave Shirley's cult alone now.
854
00:41:37,520 --> 00:41:40,640
- Fuck off home.
- Hey, I'm documenting these cults.
855
00:41:41,720 --> 00:41:42,720
[softly] Knobhead.
856
00:41:42,800 --> 00:41:44,080
[Erin] Give it a shove. Come on.
857
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:53,440
[phone rings]
858
00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:56,640
- How did you get on?
- [Vinnie on phone] Honestly…
859
00:41:56,720 --> 00:41:59,360
From start to finish,
it's just been such good fun.
860
00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:02,200
We never just…
Never get time to chill out a bit.
861
00:42:02,280 --> 00:42:05,400
We're always on the move
doing a fucking job, you know?
862
00:42:05,480 --> 00:42:07,480
Geoff? What are you doing, Geoff?
863
00:42:07,560 --> 00:42:10,080
- [Graham] Hey, get away from that egg.
- [Geoff] I told you.
864
00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:12,920
I warned you, didn't I?
You bunch of shithouses.
865
00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:15,480
- [yelling and clamouring]
- Geoff, come on, son!
866
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:19,720
Fuck you, Graham, fuck you
and your pretentious fucking patisserie.
867
00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:23,120
You're a fucking baker in a cake shop.
That's all you are!
868
00:42:23,200 --> 00:42:25,760
Get back to your sandwiches,
you fucking moron!
869
00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:27,880
- Did you hear any of that shit?
- Yeah.
870
00:42:27,960 --> 00:42:30,440
It's been fucking awful. Like…
871
00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:33,400
The worst fucking night,
I swear to God… Hey, hey!
872
00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:34,840
I've had an epiphany, though.
873
00:42:35,520 --> 00:42:37,000
I realise I've just gotta stop…
874
00:42:37,720 --> 00:42:40,880
I've gotta try and stop giving a shit
what people fucking think of me.
875
00:42:40,960 --> 00:42:44,480
I'm just… I am.
I'm just a shouty… shouty nightmare.
876
00:42:45,200 --> 00:42:47,760
Intense, frustrated twat of a man.
877
00:42:48,680 --> 00:42:51,680
But I'm lucky. You know, I've been
blessed with this group of mates.
878
00:42:51,760 --> 00:42:53,936
I mean, I'm looking at 'em now.
Fuck me, they're useless.
879
00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:56,320
Tommo ate berries and shat himself.
880
00:42:56,400 --> 00:42:57,880
[laughs]
881
00:42:58,720 --> 00:43:00,800
[Carol] …happiest hole
in fucking England, there.
882
00:43:00,880 --> 00:43:03,840
- Oh, just beautiful.
- [laughs]
883
00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:08,160
I wouldn't change it for the world,
you know? [chuckles]
884
00:43:08,600 --> 00:43:10,920
Yeah, I hear what you're saying.
885
00:43:16,800 --> 00:43:19,040
[distant thudding and grunting]
886
00:43:19,400 --> 00:43:21,360
What? Have a what? Have a fucking…
887
00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:25,040
[yelling]
888
00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:34,920
[screaming]
889
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:38,600
- Cancel your plans and dress flamboyantly.
- Have I overdone it?
890
00:43:38,680 --> 00:43:41,080
- What kind of man has a maze?
- Welcome.
891
00:43:41,160 --> 00:43:42,680
It's my special exotic animal zoo.
892
00:43:42,760 --> 00:43:45,080
- This calls for a top-up.
- Oh.
893
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:46,960
We're stuck in the fucking maze.
894
00:43:47,040 --> 00:43:48,480
Let's keep this strictly business.
895
00:43:49,720 --> 00:43:51,680
Violated in an exotic zoo.
896
00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:53,440
[yells]
897
00:43:53,520 --> 00:43:55,320
Man, woman or tiny plastic foetus
898
00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:58,000
covered in fucking weird hair,
we're in it together.
899
00:43:58,080 --> 00:44:00,160
♪ …so much trouble in my mind ♪
900
00:44:01,120 --> 00:44:04,760
♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪
901
00:44:05,680 --> 00:44:08,520
♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪
902
00:44:10,080 --> 00:44:12,480
♪ I got an eight-hour job ♪
903
00:44:14,040 --> 00:44:17,080
♪ I got an eight-hour job ♪
904
00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:21,280
♪ And every day
My work, it gets so hard… ♪
71773
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