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1
00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:14,360
[whispers] 34% was always enough.
2
00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:17,680
Mr McCann, I've got a proposal.
3
00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:19,720
- [Vinnie] The bank gave you a loan.
- Yes.
4
00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:21,720
I hope you're not telling me any porkies.
5
00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:23,920
[softly] I always think about
what you whispered.
6
00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:26,480
[Tuma] The safe is no longer here.
7
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:27,840
- Terence...
- You're done.
8
00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:30,000
He wouldn't do anything
to Tyler, would he?
9
00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:31,880
[sobbing] Nothing is
happening to that boy.
10
00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:34,080
- Where is Tyler?
- He's gone. I lost him.
11
00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,680
- Tyler?
- I'll get him back.
12
00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:40,800
[tense music playing]
13
00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:45,800
[Erin reading] "My darling Vinnie."
14
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:48,400
"I'm scared, so I have to go."
15
00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:49,520
"I will miss you forever."
16
00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:52,480
"And I hope you can forgive me."
17
00:00:57,120 --> 00:00:58,840
[car horn blaring in distance]
18
00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:02,480
["Everything I Am Is Yours" playing]
19
00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:17,560
♪ I am just a man ♪
20
00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:21,320
♪ Tipping on the wire ♪
21
00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:27,600
♪ Tightrope walking fool ♪
22
00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:31,040
♪ Balanced on desire ♪
23
00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:33,680
♪ I cannot control… ♪
24
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,240
[phone rings]
25
00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:40,720
♪ These ever-changing ways ♪
26
00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:43,680
♪ So how can I be sure ♪
27
00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:48,480
♪ The feeling will remain? ♪
28
00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:54,440
♪ It'll always change ♪
29
00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:57,280
♪ But everything I am ♪
30
00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:02,880
♪ Is yours ♪
31
00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:05,000
- [horn blares, tyres screech]
- Oh, fuck me!
32
00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:07,320
Careful, dickhead! 'Ey up! Vinnie?
33
00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:11,480
[laughs loudly]
Come here, Ringo. Good to see you.
34
00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:14,360
You stink of patchouli oil, man.
It's overwhelming.
35
00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:16,080
I nearly fucking killed you there.
36
00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:18,320
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I'm fucking miles away at the minute.
37
00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:20,120
Well, I'm glad I nearly killed you there,
38
00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:22,040
'cause me and the band
have got a gig tonight.
39
00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:23,360
- Brilliant.
- 'Cause, er,
40
00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:25,640
you'll never guess
who's getting married again?
41
00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:27,720
- Yeah? Go on?
- Well, guess.
42
00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:29,880
- I don't… know.
- No, guess, man.
43
00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:33,080
- Fuck me… Pete the eunuch?
- No, it's me, you daft twat.
44
00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:34,440
Hey! Fantastic!
45
00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:36,920
And you'll never guess
who I'm getting married to.
46
00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:38,680
- I don't...
- It's Babs.
47
00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:42,560
Babs? Fucking Babs…
is who you're getting married to.
48
00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:44,680
But you got married and you got divorced.
49
00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:46,640
And now we're getting married again.
50
00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:49,440
The prawn cocktail thing nearly
tore you a new arsehole, didn't it?
51
00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:51,000
You were really upset.
52
00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,200
Well, the thing is
I put that behind us, Vin.
53
00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:55,520
You know, forgive and forget.
54
00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,160
She's a good girl and it's for keeps.
55
00:02:57,240 --> 00:03:00,120
Good, man. That's fucking fantastic.
I'm made up for you.
56
00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:02,200
- Listen, I'll see you tonight, then?
- Grand.
57
00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:04,360
- Eight o'clock, Crow's Nest.
- It's a fucking date.
58
00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:05,640
- 'Ere, bring Erin.
- Oh…
59
00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:06,960
All right, cheerio, dickhead.
60
00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:08,280
- Yeah.
- [engine starts]
61
00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:11,920
Go on, get out of it, you big cunt.
62
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:13,880
[horn blares, tyres screech]
63
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:15,840
- Fucking hell!
- Bellend. What ya doing?
64
00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:18,800
Sorry. Fuck me, sorry. Miles away.
65
00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:22,440
♪ The best things in life are free ♪
66
00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:25,000
♪ But you can give them
To the birds and bees ♪
67
00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,600
♪ I need money… ♪
68
00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:28,800
I just wanna know
where she is, know what I mean?
69
00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:30,800
Yeah. Well, she says
she doesn't want finding.
70
00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:34,760
Yeah, I know. But she's fucked off
with my little lad, Cardi,
71
00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:37,200
and I'm fucking… My heart's breaking.
72
00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:38,880
She's scared about McCann.
73
00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,800
Yeah, but fucking hell. He's not
gonna be around much longer, is he?
74
00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:44,880
He's getting sent down, hopefully.
He'll be gone out of our lives forever.
75
00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:46,360
Just need to see her…
76
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:49,680
so I can talk to her properly.
77
00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:51,080
[dogs barking]
78
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:55,040
- [clears throat]
- I don't like seeing you sad, man.
79
00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:59,560
- Do you wanna throw the ball?
- Oh shit, yeah. [chuckles]
80
00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:06,280
- [man grunts]
- Oh, fuck me. Dude, shit.
81
00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:08,320
- Hey!
- You fucking idiots!
82
00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:09,440
Idiots!
83
00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:12,080
He's fuck… He's… he's run off.
84
00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:13,520
[cheering]
85
00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:17,480
We are Tonguesten and we came
here to rock your bloody tits off!
86
00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:20,160
- [rock music blasting]
- [off-key yelling]
87
00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:22,360
[Babs] I fucking love you!
88
00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:26,640
[screaming]
89
00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:28,840
That is shit, innit? That to me,
90
00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,800
is the dying screams of a murder victim.
91
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:33,280
Ted Bundy, the musical.
92
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:34,960
I'd fucking watch that.
93
00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:36,280
That name, Tonguesten, yeah?
94
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,120
I assume it's a play
on the word "tungsten,"
95
00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:40,680
but it's not even a heavy metal.
It'll shatter on impact.
96
00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:42,560
- [glass smashes]
- Know what, yeah?
97
00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:44,360
They should have called it something like…
98
00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:47,320
- Titanium.
- [sarcastic laugh] Shut up!
99
00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:50,480
- Have you… have you heard from her?
- No! Fuck no!
100
00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:53,840
No. Got a few WhatsApp
videos from Tyler, that's it.
101
00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:55,400
- Have you heard anything?
- Nah.
102
00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:57,440
[speaker feedback]
103
00:04:57,520 --> 00:05:00,240
- Hiya, boys!
- Eh, boys?
104
00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:03,080
Oh, Sugar,
you're always seeking attention.
105
00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:04,280
You all right, Babs?
106
00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:06,960
What's going on with that little
diabetes shoe you've got there?
107
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:10,160
[sighs] Ketamine
and roller skating do not mix.
108
00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:13,560
- Well, you look very well.
- Aw, this is the glow of true love.
109
00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:15,840
I think it's great
that you're trying again.
110
00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:19,600
There's not many couples could get
over that prawn cocktail incident.
111
00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:23,040
It was shrimp.
And it was a misunderstanding.
112
00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:25,560
So, Barbara, when's the big day?
Are we all invited, then?
113
00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:28,480
This Saturday, in Merthyr Tydfil,
where my parents are.
114
00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:30,840
You are all more than welcome.
115
00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:33,000
Tonguesten are playing!
116
00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:36,040
Oh, well, in that case,
abso-fucking-lutely not!
117
00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:37,160
Thank you very much.
118
00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:40,640
[line ringing]
119
00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:42,600
[grunts]
120
00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:44,840
Hi, it's Erin.
Leave a message after the beep.
121
00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:46,520
- Bye.
- [beep]
122
00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:52,000
Look, it's me again,
for the fifteen-hundredth fucking time.
123
00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:55,960
I know you're getting
these messages, Erin…
124
00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:59,920
and I just wish I knew where you were.
125
00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:03,400
I only want to help you out, ya know?
126
00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:04,760
[rapid knocking]
127
00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:07,360
Fucking hell's teeth!
128
00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:10,040
Oh, course, why wouldn't it be.
129
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:12,000
Fuck are you doing in't middle of woods?
130
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:14,400
Oh, this is nice and cosy, Vin.
131
00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:16,280
Yeah. What do you want?
132
00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:18,600
I gave my friends the slip
to come and find you.
133
00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:20,200
- Right, then.
- Because, Vinnie,
134
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,840
there's one thing I need
from you before I get wed.
135
00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:25,280
- Go on, then.
- I need you to make love to me.
136
00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:28,960
Pfft! Gross! Taking the piss.
137
00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:30,160
You do fancy me, don't you?
138
00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:31,480
- No!
- Well, that's not true.
139
00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:33,080
That's not the issue, though, is it?
140
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,880
You're getting married this
weekend to bloody Ringo, you knobhead.
141
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:36,960
Yeah, exactly.
142
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:39,120
I'm committing myself
to him for the rest of my life.
143
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:42,880
But before I get hitched,
I just need one last one,
144
00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:44,760
and I'm choosing you, Vinnie.
145
00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:46,800
Now, you, just…
146
00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:49,480
away over there.
147
00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:50,800
[chuckling] Er, no.
148
00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:53,720
Oh, come on. We're here now.
I'll just take my clothes off.
149
00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,400
Jesus Christ! What is wrong with you?
150
00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:57,960
Wading through the woods
like a sexual tyrannosaur.
151
00:06:58,040 --> 00:06:59,520
You doing like that… Er, no!
152
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:01,720
You're terrifying tonight.
What's the matter with you?
153
00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:02,960
Come on. Nobody'd know.
154
00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:06,120
I will know, won't I?
I'll know. It'll never leave me.
155
00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:08,440
I'm very sad and I'm very depressed,
156
00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:11,600
and fuck me, dude,
I miss my fucking boy.
157
00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:14,600
And even if I wanted to shag ya…
158
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,320
[softly] my todger doesn't really work.
159
00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:21,320
- What if I showed you my boob trick?
- Go on, then.
160
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,000
- Together.
- Hmm.
161
00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:26,840
Single. Individual. Together.
162
00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:28,880
- Single.
- It's amazing. Do you want a brew?
163
00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:32,120
- No, do you wanna finger me?
- No! How many sugars do you want?
164
00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:34,320
- Er, three, please.
- [cooker ignition clicks]
165
00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:35,400
[Tyler] Hi, Daddy.
166
00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:38,480
Mummy and me are having
a great time on our trip,
167
00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:42,520
but, look, I broke my arm,
and it doesn't even hurt.
168
00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:44,800
And… I've drawn you too,
169
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,040
but Mum says it's got too much hair.
170
00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:49,400
Love you, Daddy.
171
00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:52,200
- [chuckles] Hmm. He's cute.
- [soft music plays on stereo]
172
00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:54,960
I never knew that you and Erin… uh-uh.
173
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:56,720
Hmm, yeah, many moons ago.
174
00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:58,440
- We were wrecked.
- [chuckles]
175
00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:01,800
Ended up coming away
with this little horror. [laughs]
176
00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:04,440
- You must miss him like crazy.
- I do, yeah.
177
00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:06,480
Feels like someone's
ripped my bloody arm off.
178
00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:10,480
- And you've no idea where they are?
- No.
179
00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:14,280
No, I mean, fucking hell,
they could be anywhere. [sniffs]
180
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:18,480
It's a shame you don't know a doctor.
They could tell you.
181
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,400
What do you mean?
182
00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:24,680
Well, if Tyler's broken his arm,
means he's been to hospital.
183
00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:27,960
So it'll be on his medical records,
name of the hospital, temporary address.
184
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:30,680
But that's all confidential.
185
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:33,440
You'd have to know a doctor
really well to get that kind of info.
186
00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:35,880
Fucking…
187
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:38,240
It's terrifying how
you just put all that together.
188
00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:40,400
You're a fucking genius, Babs.
189
00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:43,159
Shit, dude, I could lay you right now.
190
00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:45,640
- There's always time for that, love.
- Absolutely not!
191
00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:48,880
- [knocking]
- Chri…
192
00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:51,320
Christopher, it's fucking Vincent.
193
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,520
Jesus Christ. Oh!
194
00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:56,560
- Hello.
- Hiya, is Christopher in?
195
00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:58,400
He says to tell you that he's busy.
196
00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:01,920
Right, you just go in there,
and you tell that posh, fat-headed turd
197
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:05,760
to bring his bony arse to come down
to this porch, on the immediate.
198
00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:07,880
Or I'll cut his fucking weed supply off.
199
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:09,120
He does have a lovely arse.
200
00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:11,360
He also has a fat head.
201
00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:14,160
Vinnie, what do you want?
202
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,280
Hi, I'm Chris.
203
00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:19,240
- I'm Barbara.
- Nice outfit.
204
00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:20,400
It's my hen do.
205
00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:22,120
- What's going on?
- Why you here?
206
00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:26,000
Did you not… Have you got changed?
207
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:27,080
- No.
- Eh?
208
00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:29,160
Different person. Twins.
209
00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:31,400
God sake! Why can't people just cuddle?
210
00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:33,600
I need a favour. It's deeply unethical,
211
00:09:33,680 --> 00:09:35,320
and Babs is caning for a shit.
212
00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:36,920
Come on, dude. It's cold.
213
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,920
- Come on, quick.
- [woman giggles]
214
00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:41,840
[loud laughter]
215
00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:44,480
So, there we were in the dark,
hammer and tongs going at it.
216
00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:46,800
The light came on. It was her bloody dad!
217
00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:48,720
- Can you believe it?
- [keyboard clacks]
218
00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:51,560
Dude, these threesomes…
Is there not like a moment
219
00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:54,160
where you're like, pfft,
it's all a bit much?
220
00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:55,440
You've never had a threesome?
221
00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:58,920
No, I've never had a fucking three…
Never even had a twosome, barely.
222
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,240
They're phenomenal, Vinnie.
223
00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:04,240
Got Amelia over there stroking your
head with long, manicured fingers.
224
00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:07,960
Meanwhile, Jemima,
downstairs, taking care of business.
225
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:09,040
Gross.
226
00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:12,320
Listen, if I give you any advice,
medical advice, as your doctor,
227
00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:14,200
don't die before you've had a threesome.
228
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,960
- [keyboard clacking]
- Here we are.
229
00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:18,760
Tyler Croft. Three… Er, confidentiality.
230
00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:21,840
Hospital admission, 3-6-2013.
231
00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:25,600
Bronglais General Hospital,
Caradog Road, Aberystwyth.
232
00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:27,800
- That's Wal… That's Wales, innit?
- Yeah.
233
00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:29,840
- Is there an address?
- Care of address.
234
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:31,800
- Give us that. What does it say?
- [groans]
235
00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:34,840
Gell-dilly-ywll caravan park in Grad-clan…
236
00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:38,680
I mean, it's just letters
tossed together, Welsh, isn't it?
237
00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:41,520
Christ, she's in a fucking
trailer park in Wales.
238
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:43,960
It says, "care of address
until the end of the month".
239
00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:46,560
Shit. Well, that's this fucking weekend.
240
00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:48,160
She'll be on her way back, maybe.
241
00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:49,640
Or moving on.
242
00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:52,000
Shit. Babs?
243
00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:53,080
Yeah?
244
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:56,680
How far's M-Martha Tydville from Aberys...
245
00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:58,840
- Aberystwyth?
- Yeah.
246
00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:00,880
Oh, I don't know, love. 60 miles?
247
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:03,680
That's not so bad. Can I still
come to your wedding, please?
248
00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:05,480
Oh, course you can, love.
249
00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:08,080
Hey, ask your friend
if I can stay the night.
250
00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:11,440
- Course you can.
- [excited chuckle]
251
00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:13,440
- Never had a foursome.
- It'll be horrible.
252
00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:16,640
Chinny, chin-chin. Chinny, chin-chin.
Up the bum, no harm done.
253
00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:18,640
- [women laughing]
- [both men chuckle]
254
00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:22,440
["Touch Sensitive" playing]
255
00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:26,560
[van horn blaring]
256
00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:30,640
Ho, ho, ho!
Bonjour, mesdames et messieurs.
257
00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:32,400
Comment allez-vous?
258
00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:34,200
What the fuck's all this, dude?
259
00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:37,360
This, my luscious lads,
is my latest business venture.
260
00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:38,640
A reflective truck?
261
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:42,440
Yes, Dylan, very observant.
Reflective truck from the outside.
262
00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:44,640
- But from the inside…
- [gasps and laughter]
263
00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:47,200
- …observez-vous.
- [Vinnie] Absolutely wonderful.
264
00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:49,520
The whole thing's all two-way glass.
265
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:51,480
It's one-way glass, in't it, Ashley?
266
00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:53,880
'Cause two-way glass,
that's just normal glass.
267
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,240
- Think about it.
- Oh, one-way glass, whoa!
268
00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:58,520
- Right, you and you. On the bed.
- Why?
269
00:11:58,600 --> 00:11:59,720
Demonstration time.
270
00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:04,440
Now the world, as I see it, right,
is full of exhibitionists, all right?
271
00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:07,040
Let's pretend, for a moment,
that our lovely young couple here
272
00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:09,120
- are, in fact, fornicating. Go on.
- Oh, fuck off.
273
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:10,520
- Ashley, take it away.
- [grunts]
274
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:12,320
Now, meanwhile, I'll be up front.
275
00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:15,360
I'll be driving us round,
past shops, past cafes,
276
00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:16,480
maybe past a cop car.
277
00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:19,000
And in the back,
although they know it's an illusion,
278
00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:22,640
it will seem to them, for all the world,
as if they are fucking in public.
279
00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:25,960
[chuckles] I have struck gold
with this one, I'm telling ya.
280
00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:27,200
I can feel it in my piss.
281
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:30,400
- Ashley, give over, man, will ya?
- Hey! Get that off!
282
00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:31,520
You're confusing him.
283
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:32,800
- Fucking £16.99.
- Ah!
284
00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:34,600
- [Tommo] Jesus Christ.
- Be that as it may,
285
00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:35,840
I am fucking impressed.
286
00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:37,960
It's cool. But, I mean…
287
00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:41,760
Today it's gonna have
to just be a shit van, innit?
288
00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:45,080
- Driving to mid-Wales.
- That's not really the point of it.
289
00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:46,280
Listen, the rest of you lot,
290
00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:49,000
you better have kept schtum
about this fucking Erin mission.
291
00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:51,680
'Cause if she finds out
that I'm on me way...
292
00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:53,280
Well, she could fucking bolt, here.
293
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:57,320
So, let's all see them zips. Zip gesture.
294
00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:59,000
Dude, zip gesture. Do the thing.
295
00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:01,560
- Why would I do that?
- Why wouldn't you do the zip gesture?
296
00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:04,480
- I'm not a child.
- You hiding something? You are.
297
00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:06,080
- I'm not hiding something.
- Do it!
298
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:07,000
You're pathetic.
299
00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:09,240
- [all shouting]
- Do it! Zip gesture, JJ!
300
00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:12,520
- All right, sound.
- [muffled grunts]
301
00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:14,560
Unzip for it, you fucking melon.
302
00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:16,440
There's only one slight problem, right.
303
00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:17,560
Erm, my wife, Carol…
304
00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:21,520
She wants to come and I couldn't
think of a reason why she couldn't.
305
00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:27,440
Dude, I gave you the fucking reason.
It is a boys-only road trip.
306
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:30,080
- [knocking]
- [Babs] Hiya, boys.
307
00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:31,840
Oh, sick, Babs is here. Get out of t'way.
308
00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:32,920
Why's she coming?
309
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:35,320
- 'Ey up, Babs, come here.
- What else?
310
00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:37,240
Have you brought your mum, have ya?
311
00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:39,880
["Can I Get A Witness?" playing]
312
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:43,240
[Babs chuckling]
313
00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:44,600
♪ Ah, listen, everybody ♪
314
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:47,560
♪ Especially you girls ♪
315
00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:51,440
♪ Is it right to be left alone
While the one you love… ♪
316
00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:53,040
[groaning]
317
00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:58,360
[Dylan] This is absolute fucking madness.
318
00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:00,880
You gonna pick up a hitchhiker
now, so she can get laid?
319
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:02,880
What am I gonna do? What am I…
320
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:05,960
I mean, she wants to get laid one
more time before she gets hitched.
321
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:08,440
- She wants to frolic, man.
- So what happened with Dr Chris?
322
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:09,760
Well…
323
00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:12,520
She said it was weird.
324
00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:14,760
Actually… Actually, what she said was…
325
00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:17,640
I liked the idea, but the reality,
there were too many elbows.
326
00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:18,640
Hmm.
327
00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:21,080
Why's she even marrying him
if she's still acting like this?
328
00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:24,040
Dyldo, honestly, I'm as happy
about it as you are, bud,
329
00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:27,400
but she's helped me find Erin,
so that's what I'm gonna fucking do.
330
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,400
- Poor Ringo.
- I know. She's an animal, dude.
331
00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:34,880
So you still haven't found
the right woman, Tommo, or man?
332
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:35,960
You know me, Barbara.
333
00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:39,800
- I'm a cowboy, on a silver horse I ride.
- [laughs]
334
00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:42,520
What the fuck does that mean?
No, you should settle down, love.
335
00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:44,920
Trust me. I mean, look at them two.
336
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:48,120
[chuckles] Who the hell
put them two together, huh?
337
00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:50,720
- Opposites attract, innit?
- No, no. I think it's brilliant.
338
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,800
Half the town's seen your girl's
jigglers and you're okay with it.
339
00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:55,160
- What the fuck?
- Ha!
340
00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:58,200
You either shut your gob
or you're getting married with a shiner.
341
00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:01,560
See? Love, wonderful. [cackles]
342
00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:02,640
[mutters] Here we go.
343
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:07,120
Let me ask you a question.
Have you ever had a threesome?
344
00:15:07,920 --> 00:15:09,600
- No.
- Lying, straight away.
345
00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:12,400
Straight away, you fucking handsome liar.
346
00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:16,120
Dude, everyone's having
really sexy, tropical sexy time.
347
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:17,960
I'm just fucking wanking in the deep dark…
348
00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:19,840
I bet he's had a bloody threesome,
hasn't he?
349
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:22,160
- Ash. Yeah. Well, yeah. No. Yeah.
- What's this?
350
00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:24,000
Threesomes. Dill's saying you had one.
351
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:25,160
- We did.
- Hey?
352
00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:27,040
You were inside.
I'm surprised you told him.
353
00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:28,520
I didn't fucking tell him.
354
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:31,680
What the f… What the actual fuck?
355
00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:34,000
No, we were… We… Hey!
We were off our faces.
356
00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:36,320
Yeah, yeah. It was just messing.
357
00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:37,400
Weird.
358
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:41,840
Get me a fucking crunchie.
359
00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:45,761
- It did happen, though.
- What? It didn't fucking happen.
360
00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:47,160
I just can't believe it.
361
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:51,120
- Hey! Don't show him fucking that!
- Don't show… Fuck, man! Put it away!
362
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,720
["Written In Your Hair" playing]
363
00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:00,160
[retching]
364
00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:02,200
That there is motion sickness, like.
365
00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:03,800
We can't travel there in the back.
366
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,680
There's only one seat
in the front with me.
367
00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:07,200
So one of you can go with Vincent.
368
00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:09,840
Oi, Cardi, come and jump in
back with me and our Ashley.
369
00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:11,040
Can have a lie down, love.
370
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:14,240
Has anyone got any food?
I'm fucking starving now.
371
00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:15,720
Not to freak anyone out there,
372
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,320
but when we pulled up, that car
pulled up and no one's got out,
373
00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:20,280
and now we're setting off,
they're setting off.
374
00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:22,560
Shit, you don't think
it's McCann's men, do you?
375
00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:24,280
Why the fuck would it be McCann's men?
376
00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:25,360
"Why McCann's men?"
377
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:27,400
We got him sent down.
He's being sentenced today.
378
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:28,960
Shit.
379
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:31,640
See if they follow.
380
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:34,200
["Cannonball" playing]
381
00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:42,960
- Shit. They're following.
- Shit. Bollocks.
382
00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:45,240
We wanna to be certain.
Take the next exit there.
383
00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:47,440
Can't, dude.
We'll fucking lose Tommo, won't we?
384
00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:50,760
- Fuck Tommo. Why did I swap cars?
- Take the next left, please.
385
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:52,880
Are they still following?
386
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:54,080
Er… no.
387
00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:55,800
Oh, shit! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
388
00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:57,080
- They're following.
- Fucker!
389
00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:59,200
I don't wanna die!
I should've stayed with Carol.
390
00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:01,080
They're coming up pretty fucking fast now.
391
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:02,800
- Go faster than they are.
- Go, go, go.
392
00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:04,680
What do think…
What do you think I'm tryna do?
393
00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:07,359
- It only goes so fast.
- Vin, Vin. I'm too young to die!
394
00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:09,000
You're not gonna die, Cardi.
395
00:17:09,079 --> 00:17:11,440
Last time you said that,
someone got their head chopped off!
396
00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:13,160
At least you've had a fucking threesome.
397
00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:16,680
- [grunting]
- Oh, fuck! We're being rammed.
398
00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:20,520
- Why are they ramming?
- They're ramming.
399
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:25,640
- [grunting]
- Let's just… Let's just stop the car.
400
00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:28,040
Slow down
and… and fucking reason with 'em.
401
00:17:28,119 --> 00:17:30,040
Oh, that's a fucking fantastic idea.
402
00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:33,160
Let's just stop the car
and reason with the men
403
00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:35,480
who are trying to ram us
off the fucking road.
404
00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:36,680
- Shit!
- Fucking hell!
405
00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:38,720
- Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Wait! Hey, move!
406
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:41,320
[all screaming]
407
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:45,720
[Dylan] No! No! No!
There's a sign! It's closed!
408
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,760
They're never doing any fucking work.
I'm gonna get us through there.
409
00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:51,280
Hey! Hey! Hey!
410
00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:54,200
- [all screaming]
- [tyres screech]
411
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:56,560
Fucking hell! Ooh!
412
00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:00,560
- [horn toots]
- [clattering]
413
00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:03,200
[Vinnie] We'll have to go
through the back. Fuck me.
414
00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:08,520
Davey, what the fuck, man?
The fuck are you playing at, eh?
415
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:11,720
- You nearly killed us there.
- We were just having some fun, Vincent.
416
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:13,920
- Why are you following us?
- Following ya?
417
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:15,960
What a vivid imagination
you have, Vincent.
418
00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:18,400
We were just on our way
to a wedding. Pure coincidence.
419
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,200
Not Ringo and Babs, huh?
420
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:24,440
Yes. Ringo's an old pal of mine.
You going too?
421
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:26,720
We fucking were. Yes, we were.
422
00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:30,920
Should be a nice bash.
Maybe see you down there, boys.
423
00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:33,280
Come and help us… No, no, no!
424
00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:35,560
Hey! Come pull us out, man.
Behave yourself.
425
00:18:36,360 --> 00:18:38,400
Sorry. Long journey ahead.
426
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,320
Oh, by the way, Vincent.
427
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:44,160
I do hope your weed grow
is safe while you're away.
428
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:47,320
Because you know
what they say, "finders keepers".
429
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:49,600
- What's he on about?
- They're trying to nick the weed.
430
00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:51,000
Don't nick… Don't nick the weed.
431
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,440
- What you doing?
- Wishing them well.
432
00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:54,760
The fuck? Don't wave at him.
433
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:58,240
[Cardi] Dylan,
I would check the carburettor.
434
00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:00,200
Fuck.
435
00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:04,400
No signal.
436
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:06,040
We're gonna have to push this car, lads.
437
00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:07,400
Right, you get on that end.
438
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,640
- Me and Cardi will pull. Ready?
- Yeah.
439
00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:11,000
One, two, three, go.
440
00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:12,840
[grunting]
441
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:17,400
Dude, there's just no way we're
getting out of here without a tow.
442
00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:19,880
- You slapper. Fuck!
- This is farming land, yeah?
443
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,440
Logic dictates there's gotta
be a farm around here somewhere.
444
00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:25,880
So we'll just have to find one
and see if they can pull us out.
445
00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:28,280
That's not a bad idea. Come on, then.
446
00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:30,800
- Let's go find a fucking farmer.
- Cardi. Come on, love.
447
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:33,920
["Madness" playing]
448
00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:37,680
[Tommo] Now then, Barbara.
449
00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:42,800
In my experience, right, a trucker
is a very randy breed of man.
450
00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:45,960
So, what I'm pitching
to you, sweetheart, is this.
451
00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:48,840
We use our time here wisely,
you choose one you like the look of,
452
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:51,800
and we get this whole one last fling
idea put to bed once and for all.
453
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:54,960
- How's about that?
- But they're all fat, Tommo. And old.
454
00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:56,800
I want a skinny man.
455
00:19:56,880 --> 00:20:00,240
I know, sweetheart, but, er,
beggars can't be choosers, can they?
456
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:03,000
So what about
this chap here in the hi-vis?
457
00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:05,320
Ey? What about him?
Lovely chap, shiny head...
458
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:06,720
He looks like my Uncle Alwyn.
459
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:10,160
I'm not having my last new penis
be a sweaty trucker, Tommo.
460
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:11,720
They probably never wash.
461
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:13,640
It'll be like a cheese factory down there.
462
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:16,480
I do have taste, love. Standards.
463
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:22,360
Thank you very much, Vincent.
Thank you very much.
464
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,000
- [Vinnie] Dickhead.
- [Ash laughing]
465
00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:30,640
[Vinnie] Oh, fuck!
466
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:34,360
Lost my fucking shoe there.
Help me find it.
467
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:37,680
Send them a message.
Tell them we're cracking on
468
00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:39,600
and they'll have to meet us there. Sugar.
469
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,000
I don't like this.
470
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:44,200
My Cardi would never switch his phone off.
471
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:47,280
- Yeah, but what else can we do?
- I don't know.
472
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:49,720
But he's gonna be lost without his mammy.
473
00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:52,760
He's like a small boy needing the nipple.
474
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:55,960
A soft, ample breast of affection.
475
00:20:57,680 --> 00:21:00,800
Hiya, love. What's your name?
476
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:03,560
- Leo.
- Hiya, Leo.
477
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:07,920
- Your daddy's very handsome.
- [chuckles]
478
00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:10,800
- Really sorry. Come on, then.
- Get off!
479
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:13,840
I bet, since you arrived,
480
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:17,040
you've stopped all your daddy's fun.
481
00:21:17,120 --> 00:21:20,360
And I bet your daddy hasn't had
482
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:23,200
any bouncy bounce in a long, long time.
483
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:25,040
Hey, lady!
484
00:21:25,120 --> 00:21:27,120
If I could just borrow
your daddy, would that be...
485
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:29,520
- We're really sorry about this.
- Get off!
486
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:31,080
Who the hell are you?
487
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:34,240
Oh, you've got a lovely husband.
Five minutes.
488
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:37,000
Five minutes, let me go! [screams]
489
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:39,080
[sombre music playing]
490
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:47,000
- [echoing] Cut his dick off.
- No! No! No! No!
491
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:58,480
It's McCann's sentencing today.
492
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:01,560
I'm fucking shitting myself.
493
00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:04,400
If he don't get sent down,
he'll come for us, you know.
494
00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:07,920
Might have to come and live out here.
495
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:09,200
Dickhead.
496
00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:12,200
Come on. They've got him on five counts.
Surely a couple must stick.
497
00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:15,360
What's that noise?
498
00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:19,320
[vehicle approaching]
499
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:23,640
[horn toots]
500
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:25,640
- All right.
- How's it going?
501
00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:28,280
Stop you there.
Where's he going? What's he doing?
502
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:31,160
Just hang on. Hang on.
503
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:32,800
So sorry, mate.
504
00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:35,840
So sorry.
I'm so sorry to stop you like this.
505
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:37,496
- Just turn off the...
- [engine revving]
506
00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:39,880
Turn it off with the screwdriver, why not?
507
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:41,720
Listen, we've got
ourselves in a right jam.
508
00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:43,400
We got stuck in a bridge, you see.
509
00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:46,280
We're looking for a farm,
so that maybe a tractor,
510
00:22:46,360 --> 00:22:48,680
a bit of a tow situation going on.
You know what I mean?
511
00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:50,680
Can you tell us where the farm is, please?
512
00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:53,040
Well, as it happens, gentlemen…
513
00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:56,080
this is your lucky day…
514
00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:59,760
because I live up at the old farmhouse.
515
00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:03,720
That's amazing. Thank God for that.
Have you got a tractor?
516
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:06,000
[hesitantly] Yes.
517
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:10,280
Could you help pull us out
with said tractor, do you think?
518
00:23:10,360 --> 00:23:11,680
I can…
519
00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:14,160
on two conditions.
520
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:18,200
You must remove your shoes
before entering my vehicle,
521
00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:21,440
and two, I have a small job to attend.
522
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:22,800
Okay. I'm just...
523
00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:28,280
Just out of interest, I just wonder
how long that's gonna take, that job?
524
00:23:28,360 --> 00:23:30,560
No more than 11 minutes.
525
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:32,680
Outstanding. Guys, get in the car.
526
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:34,960
- [Cardi] Can I go in front?
- No!
527
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:36,520
Knobhead.
528
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:40,480
Man, thanks for picking us up.
My name's Vinnie.
529
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:42,040
- That's Dylan…
- 'Ey up, man.
530
00:23:42,120 --> 00:23:43,600
Ashley, and that's Cardi.
531
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:44,960
Hiya.
532
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:48,280
I'm Eric, Eric Nosh.
533
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:53,160
Don't worry. I've heard all the jokes.
534
00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:55,840
[chuckling] Blowjob jokes your whole life.
535
00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:56,920
- What?
- [snorts]
536
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:59,640
No… food.
537
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:02,560
Oh, right, yeah. Okay, sorry.
538
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:05,520
- Ah-ha!
- [handbrake cranks]
539
00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:07,600
Here's my little friend.
540
00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:09,920
[Dylan] What's he doing?
541
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:11,760
He's got an imaginary friend, this man.
542
00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:13,480
[Cardi] I hope he's not a serial killer.
543
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:15,240
Serial killers don't wear crocs, man.
544
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:17,920
That's not the fashion of a serial killer.
545
00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:21,280
- There it is. Dead fox.
- Still quite fresh.
546
00:24:31,360 --> 00:24:32,680
Have you all eaten?
547
00:24:35,120 --> 00:24:36,480
[boot squeaks, thuds]
548
00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:37,800
[groans]
549
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:40,160
[slasher music playing]
550
00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:48,600
Hey, Cardi, stop freaking out.
You've watched too many movies.
551
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:50,160
What if he comes back with an axe?
552
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,160
He's an old man.
We could overpower him easy.
553
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:54,920
- Not if he's got a gun.
- He had a fucking axe a second ago.
554
00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:57,160
What if he's got both?
What if these teas are drugged?
555
00:24:57,240 --> 00:24:59,800
- You've eaten enough biscuits?
- Hey, hey, oi!
556
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:02,160
Give over now. He's just a bloke
557
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:04,440
who's gonna put his fucking
boots on and give us a tow.
558
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:06,400
- Yeah, a human toe.
- [Eric] Right, then.
559
00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:09,760
That's the footwear
situation amended. How's the tea?
560
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:11,200
- Good.
- Fantastic.
561
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:12,960
I brought you these.
562
00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:14,360
That's good of ya.
563
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:18,600
[clears throat]
564
00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:21,120
- It's a croc and a pink sock.
- Yeah.
565
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:22,680
[clears throat]
566
00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:25,200
Just admiring your stu…
your stuffed animal.
567
00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:26,640
Do you do a bit of taxidermy?
568
00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:31,840
Yes, it's a hobby of mine. Hence the fox.
569
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:35,520
Ah, he doesn't eat them.
You don't eat roadkill, do ya?
570
00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:37,800
Absolutely, I eat them.
571
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:39,120
- You eat them?
- Yeah.
572
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:41,120
Follow me.
573
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:44,040
A barn owl, that's a lovely bird.
574
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:47,600
Sparrow hawk.
That one flew into the window.
575
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:50,360
Hedgehog… surprisingly nutty.
576
00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:53,600
Polecat, odd spongy texture. Ugh!
577
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:56,880
Look at that… deer.
578
00:25:56,960 --> 00:25:59,280
Testes and his penis.
579
00:25:59,360 --> 00:26:01,360
Can you eat a penis, can you?
580
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:04,520
- You can eat penis, certainly.
- Right.
581
00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:06,480
Tends to be a tad grisly,
but we persevere.
582
00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:08,120
Good on ya. [clears throat]
583
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:15,560
So, as you can see,
584
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:18,600
we shagged
the fucking thing into a bridge.
585
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:19,920
You've got yourselves in a fix.
586
00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:22,560
Yes, we do. Could you unfix us, please?
587
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:25,440
Attach this to your van. Not the bumper.
588
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:28,120
Obviously. You know what I mean.
589
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:30,200
He thinks were a bunch
of lemonheads, this lad.
590
00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:32,200
Look at this now. Bumper straight away.
591
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:34,760
What you doing there, you?
That's the fucking bumper.
592
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:38,400
Give it to me. You're overtired.
593
00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:39,880
Yeah, that'll do it.
594
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:47,000
- Oh, fuck a duck.
- What?
595
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:50,080
Fuck me. Look at the state of that.
596
00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:51,920
I assume you have yourselves a spare.
597
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:55,080
- No.
- I do have a friend.
598
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:56,920
Human or animal?
599
00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:59,400
Very human. Walter.
600
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:03,640
He runs a garage, but it's, er,
several miles away, I'm afraid.
601
00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:05,720
Right. How long
do you think it'd take our Walter
602
00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:07,760
to get here with a spare?
603
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:12,080
He usually takes a nap around
this time, as he only has one leg.
604
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:14,560
- Of course he does.
- Best course of action,
605
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:18,120
come back to mine,
spot of dinner while we wait.
606
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:20,480
- Yes?
- Yes.
607
00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:21,600
- Shit.
- What? Why?
608
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:24,360
I don't know why I said it, I panicked.
I just panicked, guys.
609
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:26,240
Fuck me. Just get in
the back of the trailer.
610
00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:29,320
[Babs] You'd love it if I was
a stranger and I was coming on to you.
611
00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:31,680
- He'd think you were a tart.
- A tart, is it? Stripper.
612
00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:33,560
Yes, tart it is. And it's ex-stripper.
613
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:34,920
- Twat.
- Twat, is it?
614
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:36,840
Yes, twat. Welsh tart.
615
00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:39,120
- [Babs] Let's be having it!
- Fucking stop it! Stop it!
616
00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:41,040
[horn blares, tyres screech]
617
00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:44,640
[siren blares]
618
00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:45,920
Oh, cops!
619
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:48,200
Oh, hey-aw! Oh, yeah, that's bad.
620
00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:51,360
You just please tell me
that you are taxed and insured.
621
00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:54,400
- Er, not exactly, no.
- Meaning?
622
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:57,120
- Er, not at all.
- [handbrake cranks, siren blaring]
623
00:27:57,200 --> 00:28:00,080
I told you so many fucking times.
You need to be taxed and insured!
624
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:03,560
Will one of you please
just swap places with me,
625
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:06,120
because as it happens,
I also don't have a driver's licence.
626
00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:07,280
[groans]
627
00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:09,080
Leave this to me.
628
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:11,520
There's not a cop in the world
that can resist Irish charm.
629
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:16,360
What seems to be the officer, problem?
630
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:20,520
- This your vehicle, madam?
- It's not, actually, no.
631
00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:23,360
We borrowed it off a friend,
because this lady here
632
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:25,920
is getting married
tomorrow in Meredith Tydil,
633
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:28,760
and we have to get there
as a matter of great urgency.
634
00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:30,640
- Love your uniform.
- Thanks.
635
00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:34,800
I used to go to places like that.
People dressing up as doctors, cops.
636
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:36,880
- Firemen were my faves.
- Right.
637
00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:39,200
Out of the vehicle, please. All of you.
638
00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:45,200
- Open the back, please.
- All right.
639
00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:53,840
What we got going on in here?
640
00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:57,400
- It's a mobile erotic parlour, in't it?
- You making pornography?
641
00:28:57,440 --> 00:28:59,400
No, no, no! Nothing like that, sweetheart.
642
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:02,480
No, no, no, no. I have done
the porn, Eager Beavers 23.
643
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:04,400
Very successful series, it was too.
644
00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:06,600
It went downhill
after, I'd say, Eager Beavers 29.
645
00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:08,000
But very popular out there.
646
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:09,320
- Very, very popular.
- Shut up.
647
00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:11,240
I assume this is in no way
an illegal endeavour?
648
00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:12,400
Absolutely not.
649
00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:15,040
Jesus! Oi!
650
00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:17,240
Wait here. Oi!
651
00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:19,720
What the fuck did she do that for?
652
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:22,160
Right, fuck this.
Let's get off, let's get off.
653
00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:24,000
Go on, get in, get in the van!
654
00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:37,120
Look, this is getting
fucking stupid, this is.
655
00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:39,560
For crying out loud,
we've been here bloody hours now.
656
00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:42,320
If I don't get to that
caravan park by tomorrow,
657
00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:44,400
she could've bloody gone.
Do you know what I mean?
658
00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:45,880
I don't think he rang anyone.
659
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:47,560
I don't think there is a Walter.
660
00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:49,520
Just give over with that, Cardi.
661
00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:51,400
- I wish my wife Carol was here.
- Wife Carol.
662
00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:52,480
You're with your mates!
663
00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:54,600
Yeah, I am,
and I'm stuck outside a farmhouse
664
00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:57,360
in the middle of fucking nowhere,
waiting for a one-legged mechanic
665
00:29:57,440 --> 00:29:59,720
with a weirdo that eats f-fox bollocks!
666
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:02,360
Oi. You're working yourself up, dude.
He doesn't eat fox bol…
667
00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:03,880
Oh, fucking hell!
668
00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:06,240
You all right?
669
00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:09,000
Dinner almost ready, gentlemen.
670
00:30:09,080 --> 00:30:10,840
If you'd like to wash your hands.
671
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:12,360
Here we go.
672
00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:15,080
Delicious.
673
00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:20,200
I'm really sorry to ask this,
but is your friend gonna be much...
674
00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:23,640
- Is he gonna be much longer or…
- Shouldn't be.
675
00:30:23,720 --> 00:30:26,920
I asked him to bring back
one or two items he'd borrowed,
676
00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:29,360
so he may be gathering those.
677
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:30,560
Right, then.
678
00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:34,680
Potatoes, broccoli, carrots and…
679
00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:36,480
Fox stew.
680
00:30:38,280 --> 00:30:42,320
The intestines are chargrilled
with garlic and onion.
681
00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:45,800
Chopped chervil, star anise, pine nuts.
682
00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:50,680
Have you been doing this long,
then, the eating of the roadkill?
683
00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:53,640
Only since my girlfriend left.
684
00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:56,560
D… Didn't eat her, did you?
[chuckles nervously]
685
00:30:58,520 --> 00:31:01,080
No. You three get started.
686
00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:04,601
- I've saved the best part for you.
- I can see that. What's going on?
687
00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:09,080
- The head.
- Ooh, ooh. [nervous chuckle]
688
00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:11,360
[confused grunting]
689
00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:14,240
I… I'm not a… It's…
690
00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:17,200
I'm just not a big eater. Never have been.
691
00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:20,600
Cardi, fucking hell. Give him an 'ead.
692
00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:27,560
No, no. I just smoke.
693
00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:29,080
Nonsense.
694
00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:31,760
Get stuck in there, Vin. Yum, yum.
695
00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:40,760
If you cut straight in here,
you can get to the brains.
696
00:31:40,840 --> 00:31:42,400
- [pleadingly] Why?
- Delicacy.
697
00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:43,960
- Is it?
- Trouble is,
698
00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:46,360
they sometimes liquify and bubble out.
699
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:47,440
[burps]
700
00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:49,200
You know, I'm looking at this lad 'ere.
701
00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:51,400
He… he's still gotten
a tongue in there, ain't he?
702
00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:52,640
- Don't you want it?
- No.
703
00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:55,000
That's the best bit.
704
00:31:57,560 --> 00:31:59,560
He's gonna eat it. In. In it goes.
705
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:01,880
- [retches]
- Just straight in.
706
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:05,040
I've gotta tell you, this is
the most mental fucking meal
707
00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:06,880
I think I've ever experienced.
708
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:09,120
Thank you.
709
00:32:10,680 --> 00:32:11,760
I have…
710
00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:16,280
eaten the tongues of almost
every animal you can think of
711
00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:19,120
and they all taste spectacular.
712
00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:22,480
But they say the best by far…
713
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:25,600
- is human tongue.
- [gags]
714
00:32:26,480 --> 00:32:29,160
That's the one I'd really like to try.
715
00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:31,480
- [knock on window]
- Fucking hell!
716
00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:34,600
- Oh. That'll be Walter.
- [relieved sighs]
717
00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:36,040
Handsome, isn't he?
718
00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:39,240
["Be Careful Where
You Park Your Car" playing]
719
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:49,080
Right! Five minutes, regroup.
My nerves are fucking frazzled.
720
00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:54,720
Right. I'd just like to take
a moment to assess where we are.
721
00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:58,000
We've lost the bride
of the wedding we are attending.
722
00:32:58,080 --> 00:33:00,440
And half our party have
gone AWOL in a Bedford Rascal.
723
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:04,160
We are, as the Welsh
would say, "cachu hwch."
724
00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:06,640
- What does that mean?
- Absolutely fucked up the arse, mate.
725
00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:09,720
- Do you think we should call her?
- [all] No!
726
00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:10,680
No. We're not calling.
727
00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:14,440
If she's being nicked and we call her,
then the police get our number.
728
00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:16,680
Before you know it,
they're sweeping in, arresting us,
729
00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:18,880
before we've had a chance
to finish our fucking pints.
730
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:20,880
All right, so what we gonna do?
731
00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:23,880
Well, thank you for asking, JJ.
Snippy. [sniffs]
732
00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:25,240
Right, three options.
733
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:26,960
Option A… [clears throat]
734
00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:29,440
We sack it all off.
735
00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:32,920
We fuck off home on the train
and I come back up later,
736
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:35,240
when the heat has died down,
to collect the truck.
737
00:33:35,320 --> 00:33:37,680
Option B, we call Ringo,
explain what's happened
738
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:39,640
and let the chips fall whither they may.
739
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:41,000
- I don't like that one.
- Same.
740
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:43,120
- And three?
- Well, it's C, in't it?
741
00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:45,160
It's A, B, C.
It's not A, B, fucking three. Jesus.
742
00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:47,520
- Fucking C, then.
- You know what she means.
743
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:50,720
All right, C. And this one
happens to be my preferred option.
744
00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:54,920
We get another round of drinks in,
snort a few trunkie lines of Gak...
745
00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:56,440
- What?
- Let the good times roll,
746
00:33:56,520 --> 00:33:59,440
knees up mother brown
and fuck it all off till tomorrow.
747
00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:01,520
[all cheering]
748
00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:06,600
- Fuck. There's no fucking tyre.
- What's he handing to him?
749
00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:09,360
- Oh, dude, that's a… that's a…
- An industrial tree cutter.
750
00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:11,080
- They're gonna eat us.
- No, no.
751
00:34:11,159 --> 00:34:14,120
There's four of us and two of them
and there's one of them has a peg leg.
752
00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:17,080
- Fucking hell!
- Oh, fuck me!
753
00:34:17,159 --> 00:34:19,600
All right, that's terrifying.
Listen, listen, listen.
754
00:34:19,679 --> 00:34:21,719
All right, it's like fucking Deliverance.
755
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:24,280
We've got to get out of here
right the fuck now.
756
00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:26,400
- What we do?
- Er… Back way.
757
00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:28,600
- Back way.
- We'll go the back way, then.
758
00:34:28,679 --> 00:34:31,000
Fuck. It's fucking locked.
759
00:34:31,080 --> 00:34:33,719
Bollocks! Kick it down!
You need to kick it!
760
00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:35,679
- [door crashes]
- [Vinnie laughs]
761
00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:38,480
Dude, he's lost his shoe.
Dude, get out of the fucking way.
762
00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:44,040
- Oh, dude, check all this shit out.
- [Cardi] What the fuck?
763
00:34:44,120 --> 00:34:47,960
Go, go, go, go, go.
Where the fuck's Cardi?
764
00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:49,520
- Back in. Cardi. Cardi!
- Puffins!
765
00:34:49,639 --> 00:34:52,800
Put it down.
Get the fuck out of here, man.
766
00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:53,880
Come on!
767
00:34:56,239 --> 00:34:58,240
["New Rose" playing]
768
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:02,520
- Wait! Look!
- [Vinnie] What? Oh!
769
00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:06,920
Get on the bike.
Get on the bike. Has it got keys?
770
00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:09,520
[all shouting indistinctly]
771
00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:11,200
[engine revs]
772
00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:12,960
What on earth?
773
00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:16,800
Hey! Stop! Thieves!
774
00:35:17,720 --> 00:35:21,160
- [Ash] Wait, what about the Rascal?
- [Vinnie] We'll get it on the way back.
775
00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:32,280
[Dylan] Oh, stop the bike. Got a signal.
776
00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:38,600
Well in, gentlemen! Well in. Fuck me!
777
00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:40,840
Fix-a-flat liquid.
Maybe he was gonna fix the tyre.
778
00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:42,720
About fucking time, some signal.
779
00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:44,480
Right, get in touch with the others, yeah?
780
00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:47,120
Find out where the fuck they are.
Get a sat-nav as well.
781
00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:49,600
For crying out loud, we're not
fucking around now, all right?
782
00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:51,480
We're going straight to fucking Wales.
783
00:35:51,560 --> 00:35:54,920
Piss farting around. Here, I've got
a voice note here, off Ringo.
784
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:57,240
All right, Vin? Got a message from Babs.
785
00:35:57,320 --> 00:35:59,200
Saying she can't make the wedding,
786
00:35:59,280 --> 00:36:01,520
and you and Tommo are to blame.
787
00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:04,160
For fuck sake, man! Listen,
788
00:36:04,240 --> 00:36:06,880
if she's not there tomorrow,
I'll get the MacDonaghs to cut
789
00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:09,560
your fucking balls off, you daft twat.
790
00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:12,520
Capisce? You piece of shit.
791
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:13,720
Fuck!
792
00:36:14,600 --> 00:36:17,600
- [glass smashing]
- [Vinnie] One fucking job!
793
00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:20,240
To get fucking Babs to Wales, that was it!
794
00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:21,640
Why did she hit a copper?
795
00:36:21,720 --> 00:36:24,120
- Why? Why?
- Because she's a crazy fucking bitch!
796
00:36:24,200 --> 00:36:27,200
Sweetheart, that's why, and now she's
in some fucking jail cell somewhere
797
00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:30,120
and frankly, good fucking riddance.
798
00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:32,160
It's not good riddance, it's bad!
799
00:36:32,240 --> 00:36:34,320
Fucking MacDonaghs
are gonna cut our dicks off.
800
00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:38,880
What's all this shit, dude? Why you
fucking partying, pizza everywhere?
801
00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:40,200
Honestly, dude.
802
00:36:40,280 --> 00:36:42,240
The only reason I'm doing this
803
00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:46,360
is because I wanna find
Erin and my boy, you know?
804
00:36:46,440 --> 00:36:50,440
The last thing I wanna do is
run around the Welsh countryside
805
00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:52,880
looking for a fucking orange nymphomaniac.
806
00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:54,480
I know, I know. I'm sorry.
807
00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:56,680
Come here, sweetheart, come here.
808
00:36:56,760 --> 00:37:00,320
- That's it. It's all right, baby.
- [trills lips]
809
00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:01,400
- Hey.
- Hmm?
810
00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:03,120
- Tell me this, though, right.
- Hmm?
811
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:07,360
If we were fucking now, in here,
would that not be very kinky?
812
00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:09,520
Yeah?
813
00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:11,040
You ruin things, dude.
814
00:37:11,120 --> 00:37:13,040
- [clamouring]
- [car horn beeping]
815
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:14,600
Oh, fuck me. Hey, hey!
816
00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:17,760
- What's going on?
- McCann got life!
817
00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:21,120
Fucking life, Vin. Guilty on all charges.
818
00:37:21,200 --> 00:37:23,320
It's over! It's fucking over!
819
00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:26,080
[cheering, laughing]
820
00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:29,160
["Aquarius/Let The Sunshine In" playing]
821
00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:32,480
[chanting]
822
00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:46,080
[music fades]
823
00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:48,760
[snoring]
824
00:37:48,840 --> 00:37:50,040
[Ash] Feels good, doesn't it?
825
00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:52,720
Just freedom. Back to the way we were.
826
00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:54,560
Honestly, I miss Cardi, though.
827
00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:56,880
My best mate, and now just...
828
00:37:56,960 --> 00:37:59,280
Hey, he's still your best mate, Ash.
829
00:37:59,920 --> 00:38:03,040
Yeah. My sister stole him
away from me, though.
830
00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:06,120
Isn't that mad?
831
00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:08,880
My own sister stole
my best mate away from me.
832
00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:11,440
[tuts] Give over.
833
00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:14,040
Look, it happens, man.
834
00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:16,400
People fall for one another.
It's what happens.
835
00:38:16,480 --> 00:38:18,680
We can't help but think
about them all the time.
836
00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:21,080
They're the only person
you want to be with.
837
00:38:21,160 --> 00:38:23,480
But that doesn't mean
he doesn't love his mate, you know.
838
00:38:23,560 --> 00:38:24,960
- He needs ya.
- Yeah?
839
00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:27,680
- Definitely.
- Hmm, definitely.
840
00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:30,040
What time is it?
841
00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:33,440
Oh, fuck me.
842
00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:35,840
There's no point.
843
00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:39,320
I'm never gonna fall asleep. [groans]
844
00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:42,560
It's been nice partying about
the McCann thing, but fuck me, dude,
845
00:38:42,640 --> 00:38:44,040
I want to get to that trailer park.
846
00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:46,520
Well, go, then.
847
00:38:47,640 --> 00:38:49,640
I swear to God.
Whinging about it. Just go.
848
00:38:49,720 --> 00:38:53,120
Jump on that fucking motorcycle
out there and go immediately.
849
00:38:53,200 --> 00:38:54,696
- But Babs and...
- We'll sort Babs out.
850
00:38:54,720 --> 00:38:56,000
Don't worry about that. Just go.
851
00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:58,000
I'm only gonna say it once.
Just go, will you?
852
00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:00,800
All right, man. Give us me coat.
853
00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:02,280
Try not slam that door, will you?
854
00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:03,720
- [shouts] You what?
- [door slams]
855
00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:04,960
Don't slam the…
856
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:14,320
♪ I would have given you all of my heart ♪
857
00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:18,840
♪ But there's someone
Who's torn it apart ♪
858
00:39:18,920 --> 00:39:22,320
♪ Baby, I'll try to love again ♪
859
00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:24,880
♪ But I know ♪
860
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:31,160
♪ The first cut is the deepest ♪
861
00:39:31,240 --> 00:39:33,600
♪ Baby, I know ♪
862
00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:37,040
♪ The first cut is the deepest ♪
863
00:39:37,120 --> 00:39:41,320
♪ 'Cause when it comes
To being lucky, he's cursed ♪
864
00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:43,080
♪ That's how I know… ♪
865
00:39:46,960 --> 00:39:50,520
- [chain rattling]
- [mutters] Son of a bitch.
866
00:39:52,720 --> 00:39:55,880
Dude, I'm really sorry to bother you, man.
867
00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:58,680
Could you just quickly switch the
pumps on for me, like a goodun?
868
00:39:58,760 --> 00:40:00,120
Not open till 10:00.
869
00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:02,680
Oh, fucking hell, man.
You could be a fucking hero.
870
00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:04,520
Stop sweeping the floor
and come over to me.
871
00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:10,680
Comes a time in every man's life
where he has to step up,
872
00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:12,880
and turn the pumps on before they're due.
873
00:40:14,160 --> 00:40:15,600
Not open till 10:00.
874
00:40:15,680 --> 00:40:18,320
Dude, you're a fucking arsehole,
and you're a turd.
875
00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:21,320
You're a turd and a dickhead.
Oh, wow.
876
00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:23,240
I'm taking this bike.
877
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:25,520
I'm gonna take your bike.
878
00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:28,536
- You've brought this on yourself.
- [chain jangling]
879
00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:30,520
Shouldn't have put a padlock
outside like a Rita.
880
00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:33,520
- See you later.
- Oi, get back here!
881
00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:35,880
["The First Cut Is
the Deepest" resumes playing]
882
00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:46,360
That's smart. Ready?
883
00:40:46,440 --> 00:40:47,720
- Yeah.
- Let's go.
884
00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:49,160
- Thank you, Annie.
- See ya.
885
00:40:49,240 --> 00:40:52,480
Just let me do the talking.
Just let me do the talking.
886
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:53,600
Fucking hell.
887
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:58,280
[clears throat] I called earlier.
I'm looking for Barbara Speed!
888
00:40:58,360 --> 00:41:00,880
[in posh accent] We're her
solicitors and I want to tell you,
889
00:41:00,960 --> 00:41:03,600
she's been the victim
of overzealous policing…
890
00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:07,520
[louder] and she should not be here
cage-ed… like a common criminal.
891
00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:09,440
We released her
30 minutes ago with a warning.
892
00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:11,360
- [in normal voice] Righto.
- Good.
893
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:12,520
As well you should.
894
00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:18,400
It's his first day.
895
00:41:18,480 --> 00:41:20,880
["Just Like Honey" playing]
896
00:41:23,120 --> 00:41:25,120
[gulls squawking]
897
00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:29,680
♪ Listen to the girl ♪
898
00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:33,480
♪ As she takes on half the world ♪
899
00:41:33,560 --> 00:41:37,240
♪ Moving up and so alive… ♪
900
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:39,336
- What are you doing?
- Digging a hole with a stick.
901
00:41:39,360 --> 00:41:40,800
Digging a hole with a stick.
902
00:41:40,880 --> 00:41:43,160
Here. I nicked that. Do you want it?
903
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:47,480
Don't fall off.
Don't tell anyone where you got it.
904
00:41:48,560 --> 00:41:50,840
You all right, love? Sorry to bother you.
905
00:41:50,920 --> 00:41:52,280
Erin Croft, I'm looking for her.
906
00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:54,480
She's got a little lad called Tyler.
Is she around?
907
00:41:55,120 --> 00:41:57,480
She's in number 35 down the bottom.
908
00:41:57,560 --> 00:42:00,360
Thank God for that.
You are a bloody angel.
909
00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:04,520
- Or she was. Think she's moving on.
- Oh, fuck me.
910
00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:08,800
Erin?
911
00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:16,720
Erin?
912
00:42:20,160 --> 00:42:22,000
[melancholic music playing]
913
00:42:22,080 --> 00:42:25,720
Erin, if you're in there
and you can hear me,
914
00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:28,760
I'm fucking sorry I've come. I just…
915
00:42:31,000 --> 00:42:35,320
I didn't know what to do.
I… I love you and I love Tyler, and…
916
00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:39,160
McCann's gone.
917
00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:42,040
He's been sent down,
918
00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:44,760
so you don't have to worry about
all them threats he was making.
919
00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:47,480
He's gone… for a long time.
920
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:55,760
You took my boy away from me…
921
00:42:58,880 --> 00:43:00,520
without saying goodbye.
922
00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:06,760
Another ten minutes
and I'd… I'd have been gone.
923
00:43:09,480 --> 00:43:11,280
Where's Tyler?
924
00:43:12,120 --> 00:43:14,520
He's just saying goodbye
to a few of his mates.
925
00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:19,200
So he's… he's definitely
gone down, McCann?
926
00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:21,720
Yeah. Life sentence. He's gone.
927
00:43:22,840 --> 00:43:24,680
Thank God.
928
00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:26,040
[Vinnie chuckling]
929
00:43:26,120 --> 00:43:27,400
- Vin?
- Hmm?
930
00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:30,200
I'm planning on a new life,
away from Hawley.
931
00:43:31,240 --> 00:43:34,280
No, you don't have to now,
if you don't want.
932
00:43:34,360 --> 00:43:37,120
You're safe now. He's gone.
933
00:43:37,960 --> 00:43:40,600
You know I fucking love you
and I love that boy.
934
00:43:40,680 --> 00:43:42,280
I need you near me.
935
00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:46,440
Can't just run away from your friends.
You've got a life there.
936
00:43:46,520 --> 00:43:48,440
- Have I?
- Yeah.
937
00:43:51,880 --> 00:43:55,720
Look, I know… I know you wanna go.
938
00:43:55,800 --> 00:43:57,880
I know you wanna leave one day.
939
00:44:05,200 --> 00:44:07,520
Maybe just come back for a little bit.
940
00:44:26,520 --> 00:44:29,440
["Don't Look Back Into the Sun" playing]
941
00:44:29,520 --> 00:44:33,080
[laughing, indistinct conversation]
942
00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:49,240
♪ Yow! ♪
943
00:44:49,320 --> 00:44:51,320
♪ Don't look back into the sun ♪
944
00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:53,960
♪ Now you know that the time is come ♪
945
00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:57,920
♪ And they said
It would never come for you ♪
946
00:44:58,000 --> 00:44:59,960
♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh ♪
947
00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:02,800
♪ Oh, my friend, you haven't changed ♪
948
00:45:02,880 --> 00:45:04,880
♪ You're looking rough
And living strange ♪
949
00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:06,680
♪ And I know… ♪
950
00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:08,880
I love him so much.
951
00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:11,320
I am never cheating on him again.
952
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:15,840
I just want to be in Ringo's arms
and never, ever let go.
953
00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:19,160
Yeah, and maybe, er, lay off
the prawn cocktail as well, eh?
954
00:45:19,240 --> 00:45:20,440
[all jeer]
955
00:45:20,520 --> 00:45:22,680
- [Babs] It was shrimp!
- [laughter]
956
00:45:28,360 --> 00:45:30,360
[music continues]
957
00:45:41,160 --> 00:45:43,400
Hey up, guys! Look who it is!
958
00:45:43,480 --> 00:45:44,800
[cheering]
959
00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:52,440
- Where is he?
- Come here!
960
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:56,240
- Hey.
- Hey.
961
00:45:56,320 --> 00:45:57,440
Fucking hell, I missed you.
962
00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:00,120
- Come here. Good to see ya.
- There you are!
963
00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:02,800
Good to see you. Aw, little man.
964
00:46:02,880 --> 00:46:06,480
♪ And I need you now tonight ♪
965
00:46:06,560 --> 00:46:07,920
♪ And I need you more than ever… ♪
966
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:09,960
I love you so much.
967
00:46:11,160 --> 00:46:14,040
[Babs screaming and moaning]
968
00:46:15,640 --> 00:46:19,200
♪ And we'll only be making it right ♪
969
00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:21,760
♪ 'Cause we'll never be wrong ♪
970
00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:25,880
♪ Together we can take it
To the end of the line ♪
971
00:46:25,960 --> 00:46:29,040
♪ Your love is like a shadow
On me all of the time… ♪
972
00:46:29,120 --> 00:46:30,320
You made it then, Vincent.
973
00:46:30,400 --> 00:46:32,760
Jesus, you fucking ruin everything.
974
00:46:32,840 --> 00:46:36,800
I know, love. Great news about McCann.
975
00:46:36,880 --> 00:46:38,520
Yeah, it is, actually.
976
00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:41,360
You're now free to sell
your weed without fear or torment.
977
00:46:41,440 --> 00:46:43,600
Good for you, Vincent, good for you.
978
00:46:45,040 --> 00:46:46,800
Just so long as no one finds out
979
00:46:46,880 --> 00:46:50,000
your new grow is
in the basement of the Rat & Cutter.
980
00:46:50,080 --> 00:46:54,440
♪ Woo-hoo! That's right ♪
981
00:46:54,520 --> 00:46:57,800
- Oh! Now, Davey…
- Too late, Vincent.
982
00:46:57,880 --> 00:47:00,480
- What the fuck are you… Shit!
- It's all mine now.
983
00:47:00,560 --> 00:47:03,240
Now, now, let's not spoil the occasion.
984
00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:04,320
Yeah.
985
00:47:04,920 --> 00:47:06,320
We'll talk next week.
986
00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:08,760
I've actually got
a little proposal for you.
987
00:47:08,840 --> 00:47:11,040
I can give you the answer now, lads.
It's a no.
988
00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:14,720
We'll see, sweetheart. [chuckles]
989
00:47:16,240 --> 00:47:17,760
- We'll see.
- Hmm.
990
00:47:17,840 --> 00:47:20,640
You've got a right set of
wanking spanners on you, Bazz.
991
00:47:22,360 --> 00:47:24,440
Fucking palm full of dicks.
992
00:47:24,520 --> 00:47:27,400
♪ We'll be holding on forever ♪
993
00:47:27,480 --> 00:47:32,360
♪ And we'll only be making it right
'Cause we'll never be wrong… ♪
994
00:47:32,440 --> 00:47:33,600
[whispers] Fuck!
995
00:47:33,680 --> 00:47:36,400
♪ Together we can take it
To the end of the line ♪
996
00:47:39,680 --> 00:47:41,000
Get a winning dog, win thousands.
997
00:47:41,080 --> 00:47:42,640
[Dan] Say hello to Arson Fire.
998
00:47:42,720 --> 00:47:44,880
[screaming, yelling]
999
00:47:45,880 --> 00:47:46,880
That's not good.
1000
00:47:47,680 --> 00:47:50,360
Please tell me you're not getting
involved with the MacDonaghs.
1001
00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:51,760
Towels off.
1002
00:47:51,840 --> 00:47:53,720
- [Vinnie] The dog found it.
- That's severed.
1003
00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:55,520
Say hello to my little friend.
1004
00:47:55,600 --> 00:47:57,640
[slurring] It's my birthday!
1005
00:47:57,720 --> 00:48:01,160
Trapped in an undertaker's freezer.
Don't panic.
1006
00:48:01,240 --> 00:48:02,760
[screaming]
1007
00:48:02,840 --> 00:48:03,840
[grunts]
1008
00:48:03,880 --> 00:48:05,880
♪ I've got so much trouble in my mind ♪
1009
00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:09,640
♪ I've got so much trouble in my mind ♪
1010
00:48:10,800 --> 00:48:14,800
♪ I've got so much trouble in my mind ♪
1011
00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:18,000
♪ I've got so much trouble in my mind ♪
1012
00:48:19,440 --> 00:48:21,840
♪ Give me the strength to carry on ♪
1013
00:48:23,640 --> 00:48:26,040
♪ Give me the strength to carry on ♪
1014
00:48:27,720 --> 00:48:30,520
♪ 'Cause everything I've got
Is just about gone ♪
78973
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