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1
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:14,920
[indistinct chattering]
2
00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:18,720
- Very clever…
- [laughter]
3
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[laughter]
4
00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:24,600
Right, who's responsible?
5
00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:26,280
- O'Neill, sir.
- Vincent?
6
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,520
- Nothing to do with me, sir.
- [Bates] Oh, really?
7
00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:30,840
- So Carl's lying, is he?
- Yeah, he's lying.
8
00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:34,200
And he better take it back,
'cause that's thingy… libel.
9
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,720
- Slander.
- Slander.
10
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:37,920
Come up here!
11
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:40,400
Show me your hands.
12
00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:42,800
- What?
- Hands!
13
00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:46,000
- I can explain…
- Caught red-handed.
14
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:49,720
You're a liar, O'Neill,
and liars need to be punished.
15
00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:53,640
[all exclaim]
16
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:56,240
Say sorry to Humfrey.
17
00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:59,160
Thing is, Mr Bates,
he's essentially a trainer.
18
00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:01,720
Yes. And if he doesn't get an apology,
19
00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:04,280
He gets tremendously angry!
20
00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:06,280
- All right, I'm sorry!
- To Humfrey!
21
00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:08,280
Sorry… trainer.
22
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:10,840
- Say his name!
- I'm not saying his name!
23
00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:12,680
- Does he have to say his name?
- [all] Yes!
24
00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:14,720
- Thanks, dickheads!
- Say it, O'Neill!
25
00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:17,280
- Shut it, you dog-bumming twat!
- Say sorry to the shoe!
26
00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:18,880
I'm not apologising to footwear!
27
00:01:18,960 --> 00:01:21,560
[all chant] Sorry to the shoe,
sorry to the shoe!
28
00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:22,840
Sorry to the shoe!
29
00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:25,080
[chanting continues]
30
00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:30,040
♪ The best things in life are free… ♪
31
00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:34,760
You're a thief, O'Neill,
always were and always will be!
32
00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:37,440
♪ That's what I want ♪
33
00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:40,840
- ♪ That's what I want ♪
- ♪ That's what I want ♪
34
00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:41,920
Sorry, shoe.
35
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,800
- ♪ That's what I want ♪
- ♪ That's what I want ♪
36
00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:47,320
- ♪ That's what I want ♪
- ♪ That's what I want ♪
37
00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:50,920
[Ash] Aren't you practically
Terence's bitch now, though,
38
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:53,280
you doing all the work,
while he takes all the profit.
39
00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:56,880
No, I am not Terence's bitch.
He's a fucking ent-repreneur.
40
00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:58,680
Yeah, ent…entrepreneur.
41
00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:01,240
Entrepreneur,
investing in our start-up company.
42
00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:04,200
Which means better facilities,
better weed…
43
00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:06,400
Fucking hell,
we're moving up a league here.
44
00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:08,440
Hang on, sweetheart. Don't get me wrong,
45
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:10,280
it's great we're Terence's top supplier,
46
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:11,760
but I'm a businessman now,
47
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:13,680
and businessmen have responsibilities.
48
00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:14,840
Like fucking what?
49
00:02:14,920 --> 00:02:17,480
Like sorting out this place. Look at it.
50
00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:20,440
There's spliff butts in every crevice,
used condom in the hand-drier,
51
00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:22,560
some idiot's been cold-lunching
by the fire exit.
52
00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:24,960
- You Hawley's Larry Flynt or something?
- Hey, hey…
53
00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:27,360
Dickhead, I'm doing this for us.
54
00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:29,640
I mean, fair do's,
I might be managing director,
55
00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:32,320
but we're all stakeholders, yeah?
56
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:35,800
And its success relies on
our shared efforts. Which is why…
57
00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:38,200
I was hoping you might come
somewhere with me.
58
00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:39,960
Come somewhere with you? Like where?
59
00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:41,960
Little, er, trip out.
60
00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:44,560
- Like where?
- [inhales]
61
00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:46,160
I'm planning a room in the back,
62
00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:48,200
for, you know… specialist clients.
63
00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:50,360
A blue room, if you will. [sniffs]
64
00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:52,160
And I've got this vision in me mind.
65
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,320
I want it kitted out
in a very particular way.
66
00:02:57,680 --> 00:02:59,880
[JJ] Who's gonna want to eat
their dinner off that?
67
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:01,320
They're perfect.
68
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:04,320
Look at the detail.
69
00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:06,840
Little willy sculptures
all across the top of it.
70
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:08,120
[Vinnie] Hmm.
71
00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:10,760
Hey, I tell who'd like these, you know,
72
00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:12,960
- fucking McCann.
- Oi! Eyes off, sunshine!
73
00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:15,120
Use your bloody head.
Loves a pervy antique.
74
00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:16,840
It'll keep him sweet, won't it?
75
00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:19,880
All right, how's about
you take these drawers?
76
00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:23,680
There's fuck all erotic about 'em, dude.
77
00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:24,800
Check out the side.
78
00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:26,520
Christ.
79
00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:28,120
[softly] Look…
80
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:30,680
- [groans]
- Big snizz on it.
81
00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:34,080
- [all laugh]
- That is… that's pornographic, that.
82
00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:36,320
- That's disgusting.
- Hey, hey, hey…
83
00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:37,920
It's a thing of beauty, that is.
84
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,120
It's a work of art, the female twat.
85
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:42,160
You help me with the rest.
The drawers are yours.
86
00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:44,440
[Vinnie] All right, then.
So, when they shifting 'em?
87
00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:48,880
The museum can't afford
expensive storage arrangements,
88
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:52,320
so I'm reliably informed they're
sticking them in non-descript boxes
89
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:55,680
and whacking 'em in shipping containers
in the staff car park.
90
00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:57,760
- With no security?
- [Tommo] They've got security.
91
00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:00,920
- CCTV, guard with a dog.
- What kind of dog?
92
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,800
A fucking labradoodle! What d'you
mean, what kind of fucking dog?
93
00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:07,040
Dude, if it's a fucking Rottweiler,
they're trained to grab by the throat.
94
00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:09,440
- We'll bring some dog food.
- There's a thing you can get,
95
00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:12,240
- it's like a dart gun, tranquilliser.
- Yes, exactly.
96
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,560
We shoot that up its arse
and we're good to go.
97
00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:17,560
Right, well, you know what I'm gonna ask.
Is this worth it?
98
00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:20,240
All of this trouble for some weird crap
for his perv room?
99
00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:23,080
Have a bit of vision,
for once in your fucking life, mate.
100
00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:25,520
We could be the next Hustler Club, yeah?
101
00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:29,080
And it's the class and attention
to detail that's gonna get us there.
102
00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:31,320
- Vinnie?
- I'm up for it.
103
00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:33,440
Anything that doesn't involve
being in disguise
104
00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:35,720
- or in fear for me fucking life.
- Grand, yeah.
105
00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:37,760
- Count me out.
- Yeah, me too.
106
00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:39,480
[Tommo] Just the three of us, then.
107
00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:42,880
The Three Musketeers,
all for one and one for fucking all.
108
00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:44,960
[all chuckle]
109
00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:47,880
- Where's Cardi?
- Cardi!
110
00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:50,680
Car…
111
00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:52,760
- Hello.
- Hello.
112
00:04:52,840 --> 00:04:55,480
What's all that shit on your face?
Have you been tanning?
113
00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:57,480
- No.
- Yeah, you have. Oi, oi.
114
00:04:57,560 --> 00:04:59,880
What's he wearing? What's this man got on?
115
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:02,320
- [laughter]
- You know when you've been tangoed.
116
00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:04,720
Right, come on. Do some explaining.
117
00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:06,960
[sputtering] I'm just busy, all right?
118
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:09,200
I'm not always av-ailable, you know.
119
00:05:09,280 --> 00:05:11,400
Sometimes I do have
other things going on in my life.
120
00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:12,920
Yeah? Like what?
121
00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:15,040
[Carol] Cardi! Cardi, come on. Come on.
122
00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:17,360
Have to do a second coat…
Oh, how are you, Vinnie?
123
00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:18,880
She does this with all the fellas.
124
00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:21,200
We're having a spa day at home today,
aren't we, Cardi?
125
00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:24,760
- Er, well, it's, erm…
- Oh, it's all going on today.
126
00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:26,960
Jacuzzi, massage, facials…
127
00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:29,960
Might even do a cucumber body wrap
later, if we've the time.
128
00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:31,640
Oh, cucumber body wrap? [chuckles]
129
00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:34,000
Right, well, listen, have a lovely time.
130
00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:36,440
Er… what are you doing?
131
00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:38,400
Go back to your tanning, you.
You're patchy.
132
00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:40,680
- Have a good time!
- Oh, we will!
133
00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:42,640
How much do you want for your tooth?
134
00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:45,720
- Thirty pounds.
- Thirty bloody quid?
135
00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:47,800
- [laughs]
- You can have a fiver, let me touch it.
136
00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:50,880
Gross… Euch.
137
00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:52,920
- [Erin] There you go.
- Thanks.
138
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:54,880
It's good to have you back.
139
00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:56,680
Yeah, it's good to be back.
140
00:05:57,320 --> 00:05:59,120
Thanks for bringing him
to come and see me,
141
00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:01,200
when I was stuck in that hole…
142
00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:02,760
little face kept me going.
143
00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:06,640
Why don't you go and play upstairs
for a bit? Go on. Bog off.
144
00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:11,160
- We were worried about you.
- Hmm.
145
00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:14,280
I've been worried about me.
146
00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:17,320
I had some dark days.
147
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:21,960
But him…
148
00:06:23,840 --> 00:06:25,640
I really love that boy.
149
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:28,800
[softly] I know.
150
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,640
Right. I've gotta go
to Jake's bloody dinner party now.
151
00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:38,200
- [chuckles] See you.
- See you later.
152
00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:40,840
Right, Sugar should be back, okay?
She'll put him to bed.
153
00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:42,840
- Okay.
- All right, bye, baby.
154
00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:44,080
- Love you.
- Love you.
155
00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:45,640
Come here to me.
156
00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:48,840
Aww, bloody snuggles, eh?
157
00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:50,720
- [door opens]
- What film do you wanna watch?
158
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:53,760
Hey, Vin. What can I do you for?
159
00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:55,520
I don't know, man.
160
00:06:57,240 --> 00:07:00,160
Do you ever wish… [exhales]
161
00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:03,720
you could just…
You could just tell people things?
162
00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:05,320
You know?
163
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:07,880
If things were just different,
you could tell 'em…
164
00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:13,360
[sighs] And they'd be happy,
and you'd be happy.
165
00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:17,360
No… Fuck.
166
00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:19,840
- Do you know what I mean?
- I know exactly what you mean.
167
00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:21,280
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
168
00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:23,520
I'm seeing this new woman, Casandra.
169
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:25,080
Total fitness freak.
170
00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:29,240
It's all organic wheatgrass
and tantric vaginal Pilates.
171
00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:31,480
Look what she's got me wearing. See that?
172
00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:33,440
- What's that?
- Detox patch.
173
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,320
- She says it realigns my chi.
- Right.
174
00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:38,840
[softly] But I'm hooked, Vin.
I'm obsessed with her.
175
00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:41,240
I'm absolutely obsessed with her.
176
00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:43,600
She's like fragrant Viagra.
177
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:46,560
- All right…
- The sex is amazing...
178
00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:48,960
I'm happy… I'm happy for you.
Fucking nice knees?
179
00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:51,400
Amazing, amazing.
180
00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:53,880
But the intercourse, Vincent… Oh, my God!
181
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:56,800
God, I wish you could just…
I wish you could experience…
182
00:07:56,880 --> 00:08:00,360
I wish you could take a day,
step inside my body,
183
00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:02,760
take control of my chopper and…
184
00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:04,720
- Just profound…
- Chris…
185
00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:06,880
- Stop, stop!
- Sensational!
186
00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:09,720
Chris, stop! Shut the fuck…
You've gone too far again!
187
00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:12,560
Why the fuck would I wanna be
your dick for a day?
188
00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:15,520
You hijack these fucking sessions
every time.
189
00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:17,600
Talking about fucking Sheila's…
190
00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:20,920
sloppy blow jobs or whatever.
191
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,360
- Quite right. Quite right.
- Let's reverse these roles.
192
00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:26,600
You're the doctor, I'm the patient.
Do you know what I mean?
193
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:28,720
- Sorry.
- It's all right.
194
00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:31,160
Sorry, Vin.
195
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:34,080
Sorry.
196
00:08:34,919 --> 00:08:36,760
[clears throat] So, how are you?
197
00:08:39,559 --> 00:08:40,919
It's me kid.
198
00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,039
Well, it's not me kid.
It's the mother of me kid.
199
00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:45,680
She's amazing.
200
00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:47,840
I just I wasn't such a fuck-up.
201
00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:50,760
- What is wrong… Oi.
- What?
202
00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:53,640
Just tell me about
your tantric minge sex, then.
203
00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:55,800
No. Go on. Carry on. I was listening.
204
00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:57,840
- What are you looking at?
- Nothing.
205
00:08:57,920 --> 00:08:59,800
You were looking at your fucking screen.
206
00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:01,880
- What you looking at?
- Nothing on it.
207
00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:03,800
Nothing here. There's no need to…
208
00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:05,720
- There! There! There!
- There's nothing on it!
209
00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:06,800
Motherfucker!
210
00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:13,640
I don't know why I let you
talk me into these things.
211
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,840
'Cause you love it, that's why.
212
00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:18,080
- Do we all know what we're doing?
- Yeah.
213
00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:19,000
Sound.
214
00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:21,520
["Whoo! Alright - Yeah…Uh-Huh" playing]
215
00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:25,640
[Vinnie] Oh, fucking hell, dude.
216
00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:29,160
Nearly took me fucking hand off.
217
00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:31,640
Right knobhead,
what are you doing wearing that?
218
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:33,440
[Tommo] Reverse psychology.
219
00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:35,720
[Ash] Ah, I've always wanted
to use one of these, lads.
220
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:37,600
[Vinnie] Where the fuck
did you get that from?
221
00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:39,056
- [Ash] Kitty Mclean.
- Cat burglar?
222
00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:40,080
[Ash] That's him, yeah.
223
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:43,200
He got a job lot one Christmas.
He only charged me a tenner for that.
224
00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:44,800
[yelps]
225
00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:51,840
[JJ] Argh! Fuck's sake!
226
00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:54,800
- [Vinnie] Quiet, dude!
- [JJ] Jesus! Quiet?
227
00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:57,000
You've fucking gashed my head open!
228
00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:59,760
- [Ash] It didn't clasp.
- [Tommo] Maybe that's why it was a tenner.
229
00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:01,560
[Vinnie] Here, let me have a look.
230
00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:04,360
There's fuck all there, man.
231
00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,440
- Are you sure?
- Shut the fuck up.
232
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:15,240
♪ Oh, the sun-drenched French girls
Won't relate ♪
233
00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:18,920
♪ To a frozen glare
From the Northern State ♪
234
00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:20,920
♪ Dreamin' of fat, happy babies ♪
235
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,560
♪ Kickin' ladies in the Metro now ♪
236
00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:27,720
♪ Whoo… ♪
237
00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:30,920
- [Vinnie] You got the tranquilliser gun?
- [Ash] I have it here.
238
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,280
- [Vinnie] Where do you shoot it?
- [Ash] In the arse.
239
00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:34,520
[Vinnie] Right, now listen.
240
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:37,480
For fuck sake, don't miss.
Last thing we need is an angry dog.
241
00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:39,400
- [Ash] I won't.
- [Vinnie] All right.
242
00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:43,040
Fuck me.
243
00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:48,360
- Shit.
- [Ash] Vin.
244
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,960
- What?
- Look.
245
00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:55,080
[Vinnie] Who the fuck are they?
246
00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:57,440
♪ I used to think
Life's a bitter pill ♪
247
00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:58,800
[groaning]
248
00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:01,960
♪ But it's a grand old time ♪
249
00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:06,200
Jake tells me you're running a local
wine bar alongside your studies.
250
00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:09,120
- Impressive.
- [Erin] I wouldn't call it a wine bar…
251
00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:11,360
- [Jake] It's an evening drinkery.
- Great.
252
00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,000
We must come down.
253
00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:16,480
Charlton and I love an excuse
to get out and about.
254
00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:19,240
- Yeah, that'd be great.
- [Vanessa] What's it called?
255
00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,920
- It's called The Rat and...
- Ratatouille.
256
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:25,320
- [Vanessa] Right. Fantastic.
- Mmm.
257
00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:29,640
Amazing cocktails.
Mum loves a cocktail, don't you?
258
00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:34,080
[Vanessa] Death in the Afternoon.
It's what Hemingway used to drink.
259
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:35,480
[chuckles]
260
00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:45,800
[Vinnie] Motherfuckers.
261
00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:48,680
- Who the fuck are they?
- No idea.
262
00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:51,040
Who told you about the gear
being kept here?
263
00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:53,080
You remember Sheridan,
my sister's chiropodist?
264
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:54,200
- No.
- Yeah, you do.
265
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:56,840
Big lass, grey hair. Shiny forehead.
266
00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:59,600
- [groans]
- Anyway, her cousin Elaine, right?
267
00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:01,000
- Brelaine…
- Who's Elaine?
268
00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:03,920
You met her, but you were off your face.
Good night, that, weren't it.
269
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,960
Anyway, she's going out with Ian.
Remember Ian?
270
00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:07,600
- I do know Ian.
- Big Ian, massive Ian.
271
00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:11,360
- Yeah… Fucking hell. Shut the fuck up.
- Yeah.
272
00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,840
It doesn't make
any difference whoever it was.
273
00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:16,520
They have blabbed, and now these wankers
are nicking all our gear.
274
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:18,960
- [Ash] Shall we just bail?
- [Vinnie] And let them have it?
275
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,120
[JJ] What's the option?
They're fucking armed.
276
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,080
- Fucking armed, JJ?
- Yes! Armed!
277
00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:26,840
Are we seriously gonna get ourselves
killed for some chairs with dicks on? No!
278
00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:29,680
Hey, hey, hey… Erotic curiosities.
All right?
279
00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:32,400
If I wanted a chair with dicks on,
I'd speak to your barber.
280
00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:35,160
Why you always dissing my barber?
Can you tell him please?
281
00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:39,040
Oi, oil. Listen to me.
We're professional thieves.
282
00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:41,840
Ashley, we're professional thieves.
283
00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:44,920
We can't have people turning up
before us, just nicking our shit.
284
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:46,440
D'ya know what I mean?
285
00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:50,480
Let's get back in the van.
286
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,600
All right, they're coming. Get down.
287
00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:57,280
- Fuck's sake… Christ.
- Why'd you duck in my direction?
288
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,000
Same fucking spot, are you kidding me?
289
00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:01,160
[Vinnie] Come on, follow 'em. That's it,
290
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:03,520
do a fucking nine-point turn, Ashley.
291
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:07,360
You sexy idiot, what are you doing?
You fucking big fat hand…
292
00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:08,800
Moron!
293
00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:12,800
♪ Send me a postcard, darling ♪
294
00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:15,840
♪ How can I make you understand… ♪
295
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,600
What's going on? Why are we slowing down?
296
00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:20,400
Why the fuck are we slowing…
What are you doing?
297
00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:21,920
[Ash] It's a red light, sure.
298
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:24,000
Never mind red light!
We're gonna fucking lose 'em!
299
00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:27,200
We're not gonna lose them. They're going
straight ahead in a massive green van.
300
00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:30,840
We're in a covert criminal pursuit
and you're obeying the Highway Code!
301
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:32,880
- It'll be a few seconds.
- Fuck, dude.
302
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:34,720
[Ash humming]
303
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:37,320
Taking a while, aren't they?
304
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:40,040
[Vinnie] Go through the red light!
The road's completely deserted!
305
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,520
- [van stalls]
- Oh, nice one, you bellend!
306
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,240
- That's you stressing me out!
- I'm fucking stressing you out?
307
00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:47,200
- Constantly on at me!
- Start the van!
308
00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:48,520
I'm starting the fucking van!
309
00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:49,720
- [horn blares]
- Swap seats.
310
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:51,880
- Fucking go!
- They've gone red again!
311
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:53,520
[Ash] You're jigging my elbow…
312
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,960
♪ Before loneliness
Will break my heart ♪
313
00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:59,440
♪ Send me a postcard, darling ♪
314
00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:02,560
♪ Send me a postcard, darling ♪
315
00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:05,320
♪ Send me a postcard, now… ♪
316
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:08,560
Right, now, listen. The element
of surprise is our best friend here.
317
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:12,520
They're not gonna be expecting us
turning up, nicking their gear, so…
318
00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:13,880
Stealth.
319
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:17,360
- [horn toots]
- Ashley!
320
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,080
- [horn toots]
- Oh, shit!
321
00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:21,080
Right, I'll take left, you take right.
322
00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,440
["Offence" playing]
323
00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:25,880
[classic FM playing gently]
324
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:27,440
["Offence" resumes]
325
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:29,880
- [grappling, straining]
- Shit! Come on, you bollocks!
326
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:32,120
- [spraying and groaning]
- [Ash] I can't see!
327
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:34,560
[JJ] Ow! My eyes!
328
00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:36,600
Help! Help!
329
00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:38,360
[groaning]
330
00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:43,240
[JJ] It's me, you daft...
331
00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:45,440
- [Vinnie] How many fingers…
- One.
332
00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:47,600
Brilliant. That'll do. In the van.
333
00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:49,040
[groaning and screaming]
334
00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:50,560
Get in in the fucking van.
335
00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:52,280
[screaming]
336
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:54,160
Get in, JJ!
337
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:57,640
Wait! Hey!
338
00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:01,440
[Vinnie] That's not fucking JJ!
339
00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:04,840
- JJ!
- [JJ] Go, go, go!
340
00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:06,720
I'll get the other van!
341
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:09,480
[indistinct screaming and shouting]
342
00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,640
[sighs]
343
00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:18,880
[phone chimes]
344
00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:24,200
[clears throat]
345
00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:33,080
Hi, Erin.
346
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:34,840
Hi.
347
00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:38,400
- Arr-on?
- It's, er… it's Aaron.
348
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:40,920
Like, air-on. [chuckles]
349
00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:43,560
- Anyway, I…
- Can I show you something?
350
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:47,880
- Er… yeah, okay. Where?
- Just…
351
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:49,760
- Through?
- Yeah.
352
00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:56,160
It's our old playroom, me and Jake.
353
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:57,760
[chuckles]
354
00:15:57,840 --> 00:16:00,680
Spent a lot of time in here as kids.
355
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,440
Brothers, you know?
356
00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:05,320
- Very competitive with each other.
- [laughs] I bet.
357
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:09,480
- You got a sibling?
- Er, yeah. I've got a brother.
358
00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:12,000
- Bit of a moron.
- [both laugh]
359
00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:14,080
Me and Jake were so competitive.
360
00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:18,880
But, erm…
361
00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:21,720
You wanna know something?
362
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:22,800
Yeah?
363
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:25,800
I'm better than him.
364
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:31,840
- Right.
- At everything, Erin.
365
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:35,480
I'm a stallion. He's a gelding.
366
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:39,440
And I've had that confirmed.
367
00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:42,320
So you know.
368
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:49,000
Word.
369
00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:53,360
Look in there.
370
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:56,960
They haven't even fucking
nicked everything!
371
00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:58,840
Yeah, but they took the drawers, though.
372
00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:01,240
Where's the chairs? Mate? Eh?
373
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:04,680
Where's the fucking chaise longue?
Your fault, this is!
374
00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:08,119
- My fault?
- Yes! Your fault! Follow 'em, he says.
375
00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:10,200
'Cause I thought
they were gonna take it all!
376
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:11,960
What the fuck were I supposed to do, dude?
377
00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:14,599
Hang on till they'd gone, then
take whatever they didn't want?
378
00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:17,760
Bollocks! This is a cock-up, this.
I'm having them drawers.
379
00:17:17,839 --> 00:17:20,440
Like fuck you're having them.
Them's for McCann.
380
00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:23,119
Why do you want drawers
in your pervy sex room, anyway?
381
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:26,280
- What you gonna fucking keep in 'em?
- Lots of things, actually, mate.
382
00:17:26,359 --> 00:17:27,560
Lube…
383
00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:30,120
Do you know what, just fucking have 'em!
384
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:36,000
[grumbling]
385
00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:38,120
[JJ] Right, I'm off.
I've got a headache, yeah?
386
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:41,200
'Cause this bellend here dropped
a ship's anchor on my forehead.
387
00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:43,240
- Don't storm off.
- No, mate… Took it too far.
388
00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:44,640
Don't storm…
389
00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:47,160
- [Ash laughs]
- What the fuck are you laughing at?
390
00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:49,080
Your eyes are fucked, dude.
391
00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:51,120
Get in the van.
392
00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:53,800
- I don't need that shit, Jake.
- I know.
393
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,120
- Do you know what I mean?
- It's just Aaron.
394
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:57,920
He… he's got a weird sense of humour.
395
00:17:58,000 --> 00:17:59,360
Yeah, it's fucking weird.
396
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:02,960
I'll talk with him.
397
00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:06,320
Look, go back in…
398
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:09,960
have a drink. Please.
399
00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:12,920
- Okay.
- Thank you.
400
00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:16,920
[sighs]
401
00:18:20,120 --> 00:18:23,120
- [Vinnie] Do you, erm… Do you like 'em?
- Where'd you get 'em?
402
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:25,680
- [Vinnie] Fell into me possession.
- Where?
403
00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:28,560
[Vinnie] The museum. Someone robbed
the museum, so we robbed them.
404
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:29,920
Stolen items.
405
00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:32,280
There's gonna be a whole shitshow, Vin.
406
00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:35,840
This is Regency, 1800s.
407
00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:37,200
Right.
408
00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:40,440
- Shall I… Shall I give 'em back?
- Give 'em back?
409
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,480
No, you will not fucking give 'em back.
410
00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:46,040
- This is a very nice piece of furniture.
- Huh.
411
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:48,520
But it can't come in the house.
412
00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:50,360
I know a man who can look after it for me.
413
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:52,040
I'll give him a call in the morning.
414
00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:54,720
- Can you hang on to it until tomorrow?
- Yeah, course, yeah.
415
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,760
Good lad. Now get the fuck out of here.
416
00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:03,760
[door closes in distance]
417
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:06,160
What the fuck's this?
418
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:16,840
[phone vibrates]
419
00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:19,160
Sometimes there's so much snow,
like last year.
420
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:21,280
So much snow,
they had to close the slopes…
421
00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:24,120
Am I all right to get some water?
Two minutes. Thank you.
422
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:25,800
♪ Another day… ♪
423
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:26,880
[sighs]
424
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:28,720
♪ Oh, what a wonder ♪
425
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:32,040
♪ Oh, what a waste
It's a Monday… ♪
426
00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:33,520
[laughter]
427
00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:34,800
♪ It's so mundane ♪
428
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:39,280
♪ What exciting things
Will happen today? ♪
429
00:19:39,360 --> 00:19:41,760
♪ All of a sudden ♪
430
00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:45,000
♪ I'm having trouble breathing in ♪
431
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:48,480
♪ I'm having trouble breathing in ♪
432
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,160
[line rings]
433
00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:52,680
♪ I'm having trouble breathing in… ♪
434
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:55,880
All right, this is Dylan.
Leave a message, unless you're Vinnie.
435
00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:57,960
♪ I'm having trouble breathing in ♪
436
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:01,200
[phone rings]
437
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:21,400
- [gunshot]
- Oh, fuck!
438
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,080
[Jim] I'm armed!
439
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:26,400
- It's fucking me, you knobhead!
- There's five of us in here!
440
00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:28,400
Oh, yeah, and two… two dogs!
441
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:31,040
So, whoever you are, you're outnumbered!
442
00:20:31,120 --> 00:20:33,920
- It's me!
- I know my rights!
443
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,840
- Oh, fuck!
- [gunshot]
444
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:39,320
I can blow your brains out
and no judge in the land'll convict me!
445
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:41,440
It's fucking… It's Vinnie!
446
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:43,760
- Put the fucking gun down!
- Vinnie?
447
00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:45,640
- Yeah!
- Oh, what you doing?
448
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:49,040
- I thought you were an immigrant!
- Why the fuck would I be immigrants?
449
00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:51,800
What do you want?
Thought you were going back to your shack.
450
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:55,840
- Yeah, I know, but…
- It's not a bed and breakfast, Vin.
451
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:57,960
I'm not Airbnb.
452
00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:00,920
I mean, I didn't mind
when your dick was on the line,
453
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,200
but you're just taking the piss now.
454
00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:07,280
I know, but fuck… I need a favour.
455
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:10,000
Come on!
456
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:12,440
Now, be careful! Don't rip the wallpaper!
457
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:15,840
- Are you fucking serious?
- Did you wipe your feet, coming in?
458
00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:19,120
- Your carpets are so fucked up, dude.
- That's vintage, that carpet.
459
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,920
- And don't scratch the paintwork.
- Don't scratch the edge, dude.
460
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,000
- Where are we putting it?
- In the guest room.
461
00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:26,720
- What fucking guests do you have?
- Hey, I have guests!
462
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:30,560
- Like who?
- Like fucking… people of note!
463
00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:32,440
People you wouldn't even
never have heard of!
464
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:34,560
Honestly, four months
I've been in that weed shed,
465
00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:36,640
you've had a fucking guest room
this entire time?
466
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:38,760
- Stop fucking moaning.
- Unbelievable.
467
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:42,520
Fucking… Jesus Christ.
468
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:45,200
- What?
- It's a bit patriotic, innit?
469
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:47,120
All me own work.
470
00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:51,720
I got someone in for that.
An Englishman's home is his castle.
471
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:55,360
Sing the national anthem
and I'll let you stay the night.
472
00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:57,480
Christ.
473
00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:00,120
It's like AirBNP.
474
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:05,400
[Jim] Knobhead.
475
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:07,480
["Baby Please Don't Go" playing]
476
00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:18,200
- Oh!
- [both laugh]
477
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:24,920
♪ Baby, please don't go
Baby, please don't go ♪
478
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:28,600
♪ Baby, please don't go
Down to New Orleans… ♪
479
00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:31,400
- I hope she isn't pretty.
- Why?
480
00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:33,040
Because.
481
00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:34,200
For you.
482
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:37,400
What's better, he's going out
with an absolute minger?
483
00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:40,320
[sighs]
484
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:42,080
- Hiya.
- Hi.
485
00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:45,080
Pretend not to look…
486
00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:46,880
but I think I'm being followed.
487
00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:49,200
- Followed?
- Yeah.
488
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:54,320
By your ex? Or…by secret police?
489
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:56,720
Er… by stalkers.
490
00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:58,800
- Stalkers?
- Mmm.
491
00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:05,000
Oh, no. They're kissing.
492
00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:06,360
Oh, great.
493
00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:09,320
It wasn't passionate.
494
00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:11,520
Well, have they stopped?
495
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:14,080
Hang on.
496
00:23:16,120 --> 00:23:17,800
No. Still going.
497
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,200
[giggles]
498
00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:24,440
Er, I think…
499
00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:26,640
[softly] I think you've made your point.
500
00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:27,880
I haven't.
501
00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:31,760
- [Erin] Now?
- [Sugar] Still going.
502
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:33,120
Still…
503
00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:35,560
Oh, she is pretty.
504
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:38,440
Wait. Oh, no. Still.
505
00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:40,800
They've stopped.
506
00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:44,920
- Get down, quickly!
- [stifling laughter]
507
00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:47,000
Jesus…
508
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:49,520
- Oh, do you think they saw us?
- How should I know?
509
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:52,840
[laughs] This is fucking crazy!
What am I doing?
510
00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:55,880
He doesn't want her.
He's just trying to make you jealous.
511
00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:59,480
Sugar, I got rid of his kid.
I broke his heart, right?
512
00:24:01,120 --> 00:24:04,160
We're done. I need to get on with my life.
Come on.
513
00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:08,600
- [sheep bleats in distance]
- [frantic knocking on door]
514
00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:14,520
What?
515
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:18,040
Where's Vinnie?
516
00:24:18,120 --> 00:24:21,800
- He's in bed, why?
- He's wanted.
517
00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:24,360
So, go and get him out your bed
and into my car.
518
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:25,760
He's not in my bed!
519
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:29,840
Do I look like I sleep with younger men?
520
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:34,200
Do I? Do I look like
some kind of fucking perv?
521
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:37,760
Just fucking get him.
522
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:41,600
Inside. Now.
523
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:48,640
Call me suspicious, Vin,
but the very night
524
00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:51,360
you bring round some rare drawers
to my house, this happens.
525
00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:54,360
Yeah, fuck, it's connected. These
are the dickheads we robbed them off.
526
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,200
- This is my home!
- I know.
527
00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:58,280
I'm really sorry. Did they break in?
528
00:24:58,360 --> 00:25:01,880
No, there's too much security.
And this clown fell over a chiminea.
529
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:03,960
- Woke up my wife. They legged it.
- Fuck.
530
00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:07,440
I was just trying to do a good thing, I…
531
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:10,000
- Can I fix it?
- How?
532
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:11,720
Fuck, I don't know.
533
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:15,880
I just can't fathom how they…
534
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:19,360
The jacket.
535
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:25,920
Look… Fucking phone.
536
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:27,560
I dumped this in here last night.
537
00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:29,880
They've found it, assumed
the drawers were in your house.
538
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:34,920
- I'll fix it. I'm sorry.
- Hang on, stop.
539
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:38,760
Why would they go to all
this trouble for a set of drawers?
540
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:45,320
Why don't we ring 'em up,
tell 'em we've got their drawers,
541
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:48,200
say we want 500 quid,
then when they come, we jump them.
542
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:50,200
- Find out who they are.
- What if they're armed?
543
00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:52,920
Armed? Honestly, what is it with you
and armed at the moment?
544
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:54,760
This bleeding thing has a passcode on it.
545
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:58,320
Statistically, you're four times more
likely to get stabbed than cystitis.
546
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:01,120
- Where the fucks that? Los Cabos?
- The UK, man. I'm telling you.
547
00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:03,640
Yeah, statistically,
that sounds like total nonsense.
548
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:06,640
Here, look. Why don't we just leave
the phone on at a new location
549
00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:08,920
and see if they come again.
Where are the drawers now?
550
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:09,840
Jim's farm.
551
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:12,600
Right, so, we go there and we wait.
If they see their van there,
552
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:15,080
then they'll think
they're in business, it's perfect.
553
00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:18,040
- All right, lads.
- [all gasp and laugh]
554
00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:20,520
Oh, it's… getting worse.
555
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:22,680
She even did a makeover on Nigel. Look…
556
00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:26,000
He smells like lavender, dude.
557
00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:28,360
This is exactly why
I don't get into relationships.
558
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:30,320
In case you get heavily made over?
559
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:32,120
They always try and change you,
don't they?
560
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:35,240
I say to women now,
"This is who I am. Take it or leave it."
561
00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:38,480
- And that doesn't put them off, no?
- It does, yeah.
562
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:41,600
How'd you fancy a night-long stakeout
in a shitty pig shed?
563
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:44,960
- Can we have coffee and doughnuts?
- Can have as many as you want, yeah.
564
00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:47,120
- And no wheatgrass.
- There will be no wheatgrass.
565
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:49,040
Yes! No more wheatgrass!
566
00:26:49,120 --> 00:26:50,960
[pigs snorting]
567
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:56,480
All right… I spy with my little eye,
568
00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:58,920
something beginning with…
569
00:27:00,360 --> 00:27:01,480
- "P".
- Pig.
570
00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:03,240
Why would it be… We've had pig twice.
571
00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:05,880
Piss-take, lads. We have to sit
out in this freezing cold barn
572
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:08,640
when there's a nice, big, lovely,
warm farmhouse round the corner.
573
00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:10,120
- Swill?
- That's a fucking "S"!
574
00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:11,960
- Pigswill?
- No!
575
00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:14,200
- Pricks!
- I didn't know you were playing!
576
00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:17,120
- [laughter]
- Who last used my indoor bog?
577
00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:18,960
- Why?
- I'll tell you why.
578
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:22,160
'Cause someone's left an unsinkable.
579
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:24,120
- [chuckles]
- I'm not having it, Vin.
580
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:28,080
It's just sitting there, rent-free,
like it fucking lives there.
581
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:31,080
- Just pump the handle!
- I've pumped the fucking handle!
582
00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:33,960
- Who's the perpetrator?
- [childish giggling]
583
00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:36,360
Oh, like that, is it?
584
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:38,280
Well, fine. I've got all night.
585
00:27:38,360 --> 00:27:39,560
But I'll tell you this.
586
00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:43,560
No one leaves this room
until the culprit's found!
587
00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:45,360
Oof! Intense!
588
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:48,160
Hmm…
589
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:50,800
- I thought it was gone.
- [laughter]
590
00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:52,040
Well, it fucking hasn't!
591
00:27:52,120 --> 00:27:54,600
- What've you been eating?
- Mainly protein.
592
00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:58,680
Get back in there!
Knife and fork! Deal with it!
593
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:00,640
[all laugh]
594
00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:02,440
Hey, Ashley, chop, chop.
595
00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:09,760
[whispers] Oi, lads…
Lads, there's someone round there.
596
00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:11,320
[groans]
597
00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:26,040
- [man] You, you bastard!
- [grunting and groaning]
598
00:28:26,120 --> 00:28:27,680
[Ash] Stay calm! Stay calm!
599
00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:30,040
- Don't panic!
- Stop fighting! Stop it!
600
00:28:30,120 --> 00:28:32,400
Just settle down, man.
We're not gonna hurt you.
601
00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:35,240
We're just gonna ask you
some questions, all right?
602
00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:38,160
- Evening.
- What the fuck are you doing here?
603
00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:40,920
Trying to find my post rammer!
I know you've had it off me!
604
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:44,240
- Have I balls!
- Stainless steel, solid metal cap.
605
00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:47,600
- I saw him admiring it.
- He's talking crap!
606
00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:49,840
Post rammer? I'll ram you!
607
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:51,600
- What?
- What?
608
00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:54,800
- With my fist!
- Oh.
609
00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:57,840
- Fucking hell.
- What you all doing here, anyway?
610
00:28:57,920 --> 00:29:00,560
Sneaking round in the dark,
sticking bags on heads.
611
00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:02,360
'Cause we're expecting visitors. Thieves.
612
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:03,600
- Thieves?
- Yeah.
613
00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:06,680
- Told you they were coming?
- In a manner of speaking, they did, yeah.
614
00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:09,520
I just passed a bunch of posh blokes
with their car stuck in a ditch,
615
00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:10,960
but they didn't look like thieves.
616
00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:12,840
- Where were this?
- Down the lane.
617
00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:14,440
Posh cursing, they were.
618
00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:17,080
Looked like they needed a nice rioja… Hey!
619
00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:19,240
♪ The hardest button to button ♪
620
00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:22,800
♪ The hardest button to button ♪
621
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:26,840
- Need any help, fellas?
- We're fine, thank you.
622
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:30,080
Oh, no, no, no. We insist.
623
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:33,040
"We"? Shit! Run!
624
00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:35,040
[gunshot]
625
00:29:38,560 --> 00:29:41,160
No way! Mr Bates!
626
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:43,320
Vinnie!
627
00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:46,160
[chuckles] Vincent O'Neill.
You taught me History.
628
00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:48,160
- He taught me History, this geezer.
- Vincent.
629
00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:50,920
- How's it going?
- Yeah, I'm doing all right.
630
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:52,280
How's your dad?
631
00:29:52,360 --> 00:29:54,360
He's fucked.
He's still an alcoholic, in't he?
632
00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:58,040
- How you doing? You still teaching?
- Early retirement.
633
00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:01,520
Yeah? I assume you've all come
for the erotic drawers, have ya?
634
00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:02,960
Why'd you want 'em?
635
00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:06,840
Well, they're just very appealing,
aren't they?
636
00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:09,160
- We're enthusiasts, aren't we, chaps?
- Yeah, yeah.
637
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:10,440
Sounds like bollocks.
638
00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:13,120
In school, we're always taught
not to lie, aren't we?
639
00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:15,960
- You did, though. Often.
- Oi, that's not the point…
640
00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:19,120
We want the truth. We can either
do it the easy way or the hard way.
641
00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:21,160
So, why do you want the erotic drawers?
642
00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:24,480
It's your time you're wasting.
643
00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:28,760
All right, fuck it. Torture 'em.
Everyone grab someone beige.
644
00:30:28,840 --> 00:30:30,440
Wait! No, no! Get off!
645
00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:33,520
Fill that bucket and flick his ears.
646
00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:35,320
Ow!
647
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:37,320
Never mind "ow."
I'm gonna go and get me cane.
648
00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:40,120
I swear to God, I'm not gonna stop
till someone cracks here.
649
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:43,200
Youse are in Guantamano now, lads.
Don't make me start on your feet.
650
00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:45,560
That house you tried to rob
belongs to Terence McCann,
651
00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:47,960
and if you don't know who that is,
let me tell you summat,
652
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:50,800
- you don't want him in your life.
- Done well for yourself, Vinnie.
653
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:53,040
- Thief, hostage taker.
- D'you know what?
654
00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:55,480
Maybe if you'd made your lessons
a bit more interesting,
655
00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:56,760
I'd have paid more attention.
656
00:30:56,840 --> 00:30:58,680
D'you know
what we used to call you in school?
657
00:30:58,760 --> 00:30:59,600
Masterbater.
658
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:01,800
- [Ash] Smelly-Smelly Dog Breath.
- Fuck Face.
659
00:31:01,880 --> 00:31:05,240
The Drone. Because of the droney way
you'd harp on, man.
660
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:08,520
Well, Carl Slater liked my lessons,
and he's done very well for himself.
661
00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:11,760
Carl Slater bums dog, don't he?
I tell you what,
662
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:14,000
bell him up and tell him
you've been nicking antiques.
663
00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:16,000
Let's see how much he wants to be
your pal then.
664
00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:17,240
You becoming a thief…
665
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:20,640
I mean, honestly, it might be the most
interesting thing you've ever done.
666
00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:21,920
You're middle-aged men.
667
00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:23,640
You should be at home drinking real ale,
668
00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:25,840
discussing cruise holidays.
I don't know what you do.
669
00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:28,000
There's a reason
you've all gone to these lengths.
670
00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:30,400
And I wanna know why.
671
00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:32,880
Take their shoes off.
672
00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:35,320
No, no, no, no! Okay, okay, okay!
673
00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:40,200
We're a secret history group.
674
00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:42,560
We're all of us experts
in different fields.
675
00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:46,560
And we go deep into historical research.
676
00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:49,200
We've discovered a little-known secret
677
00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:51,560
about the drawers
that are in your possession.
678
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:54,080
- It could be apocryphal…
- What does that mean?
679
00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:55,160
Made-up.
680
00:31:56,000 --> 00:32:00,080
The story goes that the maker
of the furniture, Emmanuel Dasigie,
681
00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:02,560
was so fearful
that his work would be seized,
682
00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:06,320
that he hid
some of his more extreme creations.
683
00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:09,880
The story goes that, before his death,
he drew a map.
684
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:14,440
Concealed it inside
a piece of furniture in his house.
685
00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:18,280
We believe it's inside those drawers.
686
00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:21,120
- Are you for real?
- Treasure map. That's unbelievable.
687
00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:24,440
That is the craziest thing
I've ever heard. It's fairy tale stuff.
688
00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:28,880
So, you stole the drawers
to try and find the map.
689
00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:33,800
Untie him. Just him.
690
00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:36,960
Oi! Feet!
691
00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:38,920
Fuck sake, dude.
692
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:41,920
You've been told a load of crap.
There's no fucking map here, man.
693
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:45,040
There must be! It has to be!
All our evidence suggests…
694
00:32:45,120 --> 00:32:47,520
- Try those legs!
- I've tried the legs!
695
00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:49,440
- Well, twist them! Press them!
- I've tried!
696
00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:51,320
It's concealed!
It has to be here somewhere!
697
00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:52,520
No! There's nothing!
698
00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:55,440
Looks like your story
was apocalyptic after all.
699
00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:01,600
Hey, hang about. That line… See it?
700
00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:04,120
It's not t'same colour
as the rest of the wood.
701
00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:07,080
That's not a flush join.
702
00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:10,480
He's right. What about…
703
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:13,280
Give it a little…
704
00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:17,600
[chuckling]
705
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:20,680
[Vinnie] Oh, fuck. No way!
706
00:33:20,760 --> 00:33:22,720
- [laughter]
- No fucking way, man.
707
00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:26,680
Call me a genius.
708
00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:30,560
I might be a simple farmer,
but I'm an Englishman…
709
00:33:30,640 --> 00:33:32,800
- All right.
- With an Englishman's heart.
710
00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:36,440
Jim, Jim, Jim! Shut the fuck up!
711
00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:40,760
- That's a fucking map!
- [cheering]
712
00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:43,760
[Bates] No, no, no, no, no…
713
00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:47,120
This is our plan,
and you boys just stumbled upon it.
714
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:49,200
Yeah, well, that might be the case,
715
00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:51,920
but we're professional thieves…ish.
716
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:54,160
You know… And you lot are fucking useless.
717
00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:57,280
Ha! Hardly. We got the drawers, didn't we?
718
00:33:57,360 --> 00:34:00,080
Yeah. Yeah, you did.
And then we nicked 'em off you.
719
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:02,000
And you knocked over a fucking chim-nea,
720
00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:03,640
- robbing the wrong…
- Sh-imin-ea.
721
00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:05,760
Chim-in-ay-er, robbing the wrong house.
722
00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:08,440
And then you got
your fucking car stuck in a ditch.
723
00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:11,000
- He's got a point.
- And if you rob that stately home,
724
00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:13,560
you're all gonna get caught
and ain't no one finding shit.
725
00:34:13,639 --> 00:34:14,960
So, here's what I propose.
726
00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:17,880
Now, I'd say nine out of ten
of our jobs go...
727
00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:19,639
[Jim] Seven, if you're lucky.
728
00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:22,800
Seven out of ten of our jobs...
729
00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:24,440
Six-and-a-half, innit, really.
730
00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:26,880
Well… six.
731
00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:29,280
Six out of ten of our jobs
go relatively well.
732
00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:31,639
And up till now, none of yours have.
733
00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:33,719
All right? So, you either say yeah,
734
00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:36,280
and potentially come away
with your bit of loot here, or,
735
00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:38,480
you say "no,"
I tell Terence McCann all your names,
736
00:34:38,560 --> 00:34:41,520
we let the fucking cards fall
where they may, what you saying?
737
00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:44,920
- Okay. But we come with you.
- Yeah.
738
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:48,080
On the job. This is our adventure
and we want to be there.
739
00:34:48,159 --> 00:34:49,080
Absolutely not.
740
00:34:49,159 --> 00:34:50,480
You've got more chance of seeing
741
00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:52,560
a one legged-dog shitting
on a frozen pond.
742
00:34:52,639 --> 00:34:53,960
That's fucking final.
743
00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:57,960
- [man] This is fun!
- [Bates] Thanks for letting us come!
744
00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:01,880
Shh! Lads! Lads! Just shut the fuck up!
745
00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:03,400
We're on a fucking robbery!
746
00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:05,480
["High Ball Stepper" playing]
747
00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:21,760
[Vinnie] All right, listen…
748
00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:23,080
Positions.
749
00:35:23,720 --> 00:35:26,800
You two, take the right,
you two are gonna take the left.
750
00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:29,120
You keep dog eye
while we do the cutting, all right?
751
00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:31,040
If you see anyone, walkie-talkies.
752
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:32,320
Go on.
753
00:35:34,080 --> 00:35:36,400
Check this out…
couple of bloody pros here.
754
00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:38,440
We're gonna be in here in five minutes.
755
00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:42,040
Last one.
756
00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:48,560
Do you see what I mean?
Do you see what I mean...
757
00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:50,000
- [sirens blare]
- Oh, shit!
758
00:35:57,680 --> 00:35:59,680
[sirens continue to sound]
759
00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:05,040
Will you… Hurry the fuck up, dude!
760
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:07,480
[Bates] It's my knees… [grunts]
761
00:36:09,600 --> 00:36:12,760
Well, that's it, then. We've blown it.
We need to get out of here.
762
00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:16,040
Honestly, that's an amateur response.
763
00:36:16,120 --> 00:36:19,200
What we're gonna do is
we're gonna stay here, all right?
764
00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:21,240
Right here, quiet.
765
00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:22,920
- [Ash] What?
- Christ.
766
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:26,280
- I said, "We're gonna stay here, quiet."
- Ah.
767
00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:29,600
'Cause pound to a penny, no fucker comes
out tonight to reset that system.
768
00:36:29,680 --> 00:36:31,800
♪ 'Cause I'm a cowboy ♪
769
00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:35,320
♪ On a steel horse, I ride ♪
770
00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:37,160
[sirens blaring]
771
00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:44,920
Had a thought earlier.
772
00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:46,720
Yeah?
773
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:49,760
We could have just come
during visiting hours.
774
00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:52,280
You what?
775
00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:55,120
I mean… we didn't need
to break in, did we?
776
00:36:56,120 --> 00:36:58,560
We could have just paid
and walked in as tourists.
777
00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:00,840
That's a much better idea.
778
00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:02,920
[footsteps crunching on gravel]
779
00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:06,280
[guard farts]
780
00:37:07,120 --> 00:37:10,320
Sandman, come in Sandman.
This is Beaver Three.
781
00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:12,760
[Sandman over radio]
Any sign of intruders, Beaver Three?
782
00:37:12,840 --> 00:37:14,360
Negative. Over.
783
00:37:14,440 --> 00:37:17,280
Has the site been penetrated,
Beaver Three?
784
00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:20,320
Negative, Sandman. No sign of penetration.
785
00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:23,760
Then I suggest
we leave this to the morning shift.
786
00:37:23,840 --> 00:37:26,080
Affirmative, Sandman. Over.
787
00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:27,920
[radio chirps as guard farts]
788
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:29,920
[all groan]
789
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:31,920
[glass shatters]
790
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:34,000
["Show Me Everything" playing]
791
00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:49,120
♪ Show me ♪
792
00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:51,200
♪ Show me… ♪
793
00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:57,920
[Cardi] Do you know, this, yeah?
794
00:37:58,000 --> 00:38:00,480
This is like a proper…
795
00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:02,520
Like, Indiana Jones…
796
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:04,160
[ornament shatters]
797
00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:06,480
Shit.
798
00:38:11,640 --> 00:38:14,400
You've fucking broke that now,
ain't you, you bellend?
799
00:38:14,480 --> 00:38:15,800
[sputters] S-S-Sorry…
800
00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:18,560
Can only take you somewhere twice.
And once is to apologise.
801
00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:19,760
Now get the fuck down there.
802
00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:31,840
Right, according to the map,
803
00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:34,520
secret door's
somewhere across that wall there.
804
00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:40,000
And the mechanism for said door…
is up there.
805
00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:42,760
Right, who fancies lifting me up? Not you.
806
00:38:42,840 --> 00:38:44,680
- [Ash] Right. Go on, so.
- Oh, oh.
807
00:38:44,760 --> 00:38:47,120
- [groaning and grunting]
- [Vinnie] Fucking hell.
808
00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:50,360
- It's stuck. Fucking thing.
- [Bates] Try again.
809
00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:53,040
Do you think?
810
00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:56,200
'Cause I was just gonna fuck it off
after all this trouble and go home.
811
00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:58,200
- Lemon.
- Christ, you've a bony arse.
812
00:38:58,280 --> 00:38:59,560
I told him that last week.
813
00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:02,440
- Why were you feeling his arse?
- You're killing my shoulders, Vin.
814
00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:05,520
Well, know what, your big fat head's
mashing my balls to smithereens.
815
00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:07,720
We've all got our fucking crosses to bear.
816
00:39:07,800 --> 00:39:09,200
Got it.
817
00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:10,920
- Oh…
- [creaking]
818
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:13,280
[Cardi] It's open. Y-Y-Y-You've done it.
819
00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:14,720
Put me down, Ash.
820
00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:17,560
Mr Bates, get the fuck out of way.
821
00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:19,400
Let's all queue up, like we did at school.
822
00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:21,480
["Default" playing]
823
00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:25,120
[groans] Ah! Come on, lads.
824
00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:29,120
[JJ] This is doing nothing
for my claustrophobia.
825
00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:37,760
It's like a Berlin sex party.
826
00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:40,720
[Bates] There's something ahead,
an opening!
827
00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:45,640
- Like I say…
- It's here! It's bloody here!
828
00:39:45,720 --> 00:39:48,680
The secret room! We've found it!
829
00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:50,320
[Vinnie] Holy shit…
830
00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:53,240
- [indistinct chattering]
- [man] This is such an adventure…
831
00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:54,400
Fuck.
832
00:39:55,080 --> 00:39:56,800
It's a cleaning rota.
833
00:39:56,880 --> 00:39:59,600
No one's been here since 197-fucking-5.
834
00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:02,320
Fucking coffee cups
and shit like a bed down there.
835
00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:04,520
This is where the staff
came to skive off, this.
836
00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:06,200
It can't be!
837
00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:10,480
All our research suggests this
is Emmanuel's secret storage space.
838
00:40:10,560 --> 00:40:12,640
All your research, eh?
839
00:40:12,720 --> 00:40:14,920
I'm sure Emmanuel
is up in heaven right now,
840
00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:16,680
laughing himself silly over this,
841
00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:18,720
sat in a massive cock-shaped harp.
842
00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:20,360
- [sighs]
- [Cardi] Fuck!
843
00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:21,920
Fuck it.
844
00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:24,080
Let's smoke a spliff.
845
00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:27,960
- Cheers, lads.
- Nice one.
846
00:40:28,040 --> 00:40:29,040
Have a good night.
847
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:33,200
Arr-on. I mean, Aaron…
848
00:40:33,280 --> 00:40:35,480
- What you doing here?
- Is this…
849
00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:36,960
I thought you worked in a wine bar.
850
00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:38,880
[both laugh]
851
00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:40,560
- The chances of this…
- Mmm.
852
00:40:40,640 --> 00:40:42,840
Incredible coincidence.
853
00:40:42,920 --> 00:40:45,200
- How about I buy you a drink?
- How about you go home?
854
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:47,400
Oh, hang on… We got off to a bad start.
855
00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:48,920
I apologise.
856
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:51,440
- Let me buy you a drink.
- No, thanks. I'm good.
857
00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:52,680
Your choice.
858
00:40:53,320 --> 00:40:55,680
But if you're gonna be
serious with my brother,
859
00:40:55,760 --> 00:40:57,720
we need to at least… get on.
860
00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:02,160
- How much is entry?
- Ten.
861
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:05,600
Tenner it is.
862
00:41:08,280 --> 00:41:09,520
Thank you.
863
00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:12,200
I hope they look like you in there.
864
00:41:13,160 --> 00:41:14,800
[chuckles]
865
00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:17,800
Fuck it.
866
00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:24,120
- [clears throat]
- [line rings]
867
00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:27,920
- [Jake on phone] Hey.
- Hi. Erm…
868
00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:31,360
- It's over.
- What?
869
00:41:31,440 --> 00:41:32,600
Me and you, Jake. It's over.
870
00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:35,280
Okay, I'm sorry. It's just…
It's not right. We're done.
871
00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:37,000
- Erin, I…
- No, Jake.
872
00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:39,240
Jake, you know it yourself,
all right? It's…
873
00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:41,880
I'm sorry.
874
00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:44,480
It's over.
875
00:41:44,560 --> 00:41:46,480
Erin wait...
876
00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:48,160
["Place To Be" playing]
877
00:41:48,240 --> 00:41:52,560
♪ When I was young
Younger than before ♪
878
00:41:56,800 --> 00:42:01,360
♪ I never saw the truth
Hanging from the door… ♪
879
00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:13,360
Right… Go on, sod off, then.
I need my bed.
880
00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:15,240
- Fun, that.
- Mmm.
881
00:42:15,320 --> 00:42:16,320
An adventure.
882
00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:20,640
It's what we do, innit? Adventures.
883
00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:23,720
It's an important lesson that, though.
884
00:42:24,480 --> 00:42:26,320
You can't always come away
with gold, can you?
885
00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:28,000
No.
886
00:42:28,720 --> 00:42:29,920
But…
887
00:42:30,760 --> 00:42:31,920
sometimes…
888
00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:35,000
you can find…
889
00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:39,480
- silver.
- Where'd you find that?
890
00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:43,000
Found it in the er… s-s-s-secret room.
891
00:42:43,080 --> 00:42:45,320
You know, when we were having a spliff.
892
00:42:45,400 --> 00:42:47,760
[indistinct chatter and laughter]
893
00:42:47,840 --> 00:42:48,960
No way.
894
00:42:50,040 --> 00:42:52,040
I didn't want them teachers to have it.
895
00:42:52,120 --> 00:42:55,240
- I wanted to give it t'you.
- Eh? No, no, no.
896
00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:57,600
I can't take that off you.
That's finders keepers.
897
00:42:57,680 --> 00:42:59,320
No, no. I want you to.
898
00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:02,040
'Cause, er…
899
00:43:02,120 --> 00:43:03,240
You know…
900
00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:05,520
You've been sad.
901
00:43:06,280 --> 00:43:08,080
["Can You Get To That" playing]
902
00:43:08,160 --> 00:43:11,680
I'm really glad, er,
that you're alive again.
903
00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:15,680
Me, too.
904
00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:18,120
Love you, mate.
905
00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:26,200
- I love you, dude.
- I love you too, man.
906
00:43:26,280 --> 00:43:28,520
- Look after yourself, yeah?
- All right.
907
00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:32,880
Go on. Sod off.
908
00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:35,240
♪ I once had a life ♪
909
00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:39,240
♪ Or rather, life had me ♪
910
00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:45,360
♪ I was one among many
Or at least I seemed to be ♪
911
00:43:46,200 --> 00:43:49,680
♪ Well, I read an old quotation
In a book… ♪
912
00:43:50,240 --> 00:43:52,440
Right, get your shit together.
913
00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:54,880
Get your shit together,
we'll get out the fuck out of here.
914
00:43:54,960 --> 00:43:57,080
Cardi, come on. I'll buy you a kebab
on the way home.
915
00:43:57,160 --> 00:43:58,160
All right.
916
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:01,240
♪ Can you get to that? ♪
917
00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:07,920
Why don't you try a change of scene?
918
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:10,040
See if that has any effect on your dreams.
919
00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:13,080
[Jules] How about you stop here tonight?
Have the whole pub to yourself.
920
00:44:13,160 --> 00:44:14,080
They're all coked-up!
921
00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:15,960
Oh…
922
00:44:17,320 --> 00:44:20,000
- Some fucker's in the cellar.
- What are you doing, anyway?
923
00:44:20,080 --> 00:44:21,560
Oh, fuck!
924
00:44:22,440 --> 00:44:23,480
Just chilling.
925
00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:26,240
- This is my friend Dylan. Hi.
- Hi.
926
00:44:26,320 --> 00:44:29,080
- I made the woman I love shit her pants.
- Wow.
927
00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:32,320
♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪
928
00:44:33,560 --> 00:44:36,960
♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪
929
00:44:37,720 --> 00:44:40,680
♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪
930
00:44:41,880 --> 00:44:45,040
♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪
931
00:44:46,080 --> 00:44:48,920
♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪
932
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:53,480
♪ Give me the strength to carry on ♪
71471
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