Original subtitles

( music playing )

♪ Give me a sign ♪

♪ Give me a sign ♪

♪ Suckin' jimmy, I want that money ♪

♪ Fuck >>> pump that weenie ♪

♪ Pulse up to me, I'm so dreamy ♪

♪ I'm so dreamy, windows steamy ♪

♪ I'm your fuckin' genie ♪

♪ Thrust my butthole, my pussy throttle ♪

♪ Want that weenie, fuckin' genie ♪

♪ Pump that weenie, porno sex show ♪

♪ Watch that ho saying "A-boo daba, baby" ♪

♪ Give me a sign ♪

♪ Give me a sign ♪

♪ Give me a sign ♪

♪ Give me a sign ♪

♪ Give me a sign ♪

♪ Give me a sign ♪

♪ Give me a sign ♪

♪ Give me a sign ♪

♪ I'm your suckin' genie, want that weenie ♪

♪ Fuckin' genie, pump that wee-wee ♪

♪ Tube steak candy, cracked and blurry ♪

♪ Your cock so plenty, want that dickie ♪

♪ That's so tasty, my coffee candy ♪

♪ Squirt so sticky, tastes so dandy ♪

♪ Heart my >>>>, feeling filthy ♪

♪ 12-inch chubby, saying "A-boo daba, baby" ♪

♪ Give me a sign ♪

♪ Give me a sign ♪

♪ Give me a sign ♪

♪ Give me a sign ♪

♪ Chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Ooh, uh-huh ♪

♪ Ooh, uh uh-uh-uh uh, oh-ohh, uh-huh ♪

♪ Ooh, uh uh-uh-uh uh, chicky-chicky, ooh ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ Ooh, uh uh-uh-uh uh, oh-ohh, uh-huh ♪

♪ Ooh, uh uh-uh-uh uh, chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Ooh, uh-huh, ooh, uh uh-uh-uh uh ohh-ohh ♪

♪ Uh-huh, ooh, uh-uh-uh uhh, chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Ooh, uh-huh, ooh, uh uh-uh-uh uh ohh-ohh ♪

♪ Uh-huh, ooh, uh-uh-uh uhh, chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Ooh, uh-huh, ooh, uh uh-uh-uh uh ohh-ohh ♪

♪ Uh-huh, ooh, uh uh-uh-uh uh, chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Ooh, uh-huh, ooh, uh uh-uh-uh uh ohh-ohh ♪

♪ Uh-huh, ooh, uh uh-uh-uh uh, chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Ooh, uh-huh, ooh, uh uh-uh-uh uh ohh-ohh ♪

♪ Uh-huh, ooh, uh uh-uh-uh uh, chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Ooh, uh-huh, ooh, uh uh-uh-uh uh ohh-ohh ♪

♪ Uh-huh, ooh, uh uh-uh-uh uh, chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Ooh, uh-huh, ooh, uh uh-uh-uh uh ohh-ohh ♪

♪ Uh-huh, ooh, uh uh-uh-uh uh, chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Ooh, uh-huh, ooh, uh uh-uh-uh uh ohh-ohh ♪

♪ Uh-huh, ooh, uh uh-uh-uh uh, chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Ooh, uh-huh, ooh, uh uh-uh-uh uh ohh-ohh ♪

♪ Uh-huh, ooh, uh uh-uh-uh uh, chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Ooh, uh-huh, ooh, uh uh-uh-uh uh ohh-ohh ♪

♪ Uh-huh, ooh, uh uh-uh-uh uh, chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Ooh, uh-huh, ooh, uh uh-uh-uh uh ohh-ohh ♪

♪ Uh-huh, ooh, uh uh-uh-uh uh, chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Ooh, uh-huh, ooh, uh uh-uh-uh uh ohh-ohh ♪

♪ Uh-huh, ooh, uh uh-uh-uh uh, chicky-chicky ♪

♪ Ooh, uh-huh, ooh, uh uh-uh-uh uh ohh-ohh ♪

( moaning, grunting )

Oh, yeah. ( moaning )

Ooh... ooh.

( static crackling )

Ohh! There! There it is, Professor.

- Do you see it? - Yes, yes, I can.

Doctor, these images are fantastic.

It bears out your theory to the letter.

( static crackling )

I thought you'd like to see it for yourself.

Incredible. It seems to have a life all its own.

That it does.

And because it continually searches fiercely

for sexual encounters,

I've lovingly nicknamed it the "sexipede."

I can understand why.

It seems to live off the energy

of the human libido.

Okay, here's the problem.

The moment the sexual encounter concludes,

it dematerializes, as if it never existed.

- Amazing. - Mm-hmm.

( static crackling )

That was incredible.

We aim to please, baby.

That's what the Sexy Spa is all about.

When are you available again?

Call anytime, sweetie.

For you, we'll get you in.

That's what I like to hear.

Tell your boss I'm applying for a deluxe membership.

Thanks so much, darling.

I hope to see you again soon, okay?

Count on it.

Remarkable, Doctor.

We have to announce our findings

to the scientific community at once.

Oh, not so fast, Professor.

I'd like to do some more research.

I don't understand. You've shown me undeniable proof that--

That during intercourse something odd

and heretofore unknown appears inside the human body? ( scoffs )

But to me, this is very impressive.

You know what would be more impressive

is if I could find out exactly what it is,

somehow extract it,

and then study it for more detailed information

and how it affects the human body during lovemaking.

- Won't that pose a challenge? - Perhaps.

But, if I could get one of our clients

or workers here at the spa to volunteer for an erotic exam,

then I could study it for detailed information.

Be careful, Doctor.

You're playing with the unknown here.

If this sexipede of yours gets loose in a place like this,

no telling what would happen.

Don't worry, Professor.

I'll be very wary of the dangers.

Good. Keep me posted.

Trust me. I've got it all under control.

Fine. Then you'll meet me in my office after.

We'll go over the day's notes.

Don't worry, I will be there.

Fine. Till then.

- ( cell phone rings ) - ( groans )

I know what you're gonna say, Kayla,

I'm late for my 1:00.

Actually, Doctor, Professor Jones asked

if you could take his next appointment.

He said he's stuck in a meeting till at least 2:00.

Well, that's funny.

He was just here and he didn't mention anything about a meeting.

Well, that's what he told me right before lunch.

Okay, well, all right.

Just tell her I'll be with her

as soon as I finish debriefing Lucy.

Kayla: Will do.

Excuse me, Mrs. Reid.

I just spoke with Professor Jones

and he wanted me to let you know

that our other on-site physician, Dr. Anderson,

will be able to see you in about 20 minutes.

Thank you, but I don't think I can wait that long.

Please. I can see that you're very pent up,

and if you came to Sexy Spa to relax and unwind,

I just know there is a very good chance

that Dr. Anderson can help you.

I've seen her work wonders

with other women just like yourself.

Yeah. I don't know.

Look, you came this far and you waited this long.

At least talk to her.

I suppose you're right.

Of course I'm right.

Now, come with me.

I think you could use a drink.

Well, Doctor, how did it go?

I think your client was very happy.

No, silly, I mean the experiment.

- Did it appear again? - Oh, yes.

Oh, and this time Professor Jones was there to witness it.

He was quite astounded.

That's so cool! What does the sexipede look like?

Does it have fins and teeth and stuff?

Oh, not quite.

More like a night crawler on steroids.

Wow! Wish I could see mine.

Actually, you can.

I taped the whole thing in high definition.

Come by after your shift. I'll show it to you.

That's so rad!

So, did you figure out what "it" is?

Well, I've been doing some thinking,

and I think it might-- now, I say might--

be some kind of creature

that's manifested by our brain's sexual energy.

I don't understand.

Okay, well, think about it this way:

every time we get horny,

this sexipede comes out,

and as our urges get stronger,

so does the creature

until only an orgasm can quell it

and diminish it into nothingness.

And you say it's in all of us?

Oh, yeah, probably since puberty.

Makes me proud to be part of medical history and all.

Oh, Lucy.

You're the perfect volunteer for my sexual experiment.

You're always so open to fresh experiences and new things.

- What do you mean? - Hmm, I think it's about time

for you to explore your sensual side with another woman.

I've never done that before.

I mean, I've thought about it,

but it's always been more of a sexual fantasy.

Well, I think that we should make that a real experience now.

You mean...?

Yes, I believe it's time for that bugger to come out again.

( both chuckling )

♪ Ask for me ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yes ♪

♪ Oh, yes ♪

♪ Oh, yes ♪

♪ Oh, yes ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

- ♪ Ask for me ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

♪ Ask for me ♪

♪ Ask for me. ♪

- Thanks. - Mm-hmm.

I never heard of a spa serving hard liquor before.

Well, we're not technically licensed,

but for some reason the cops tend to look the other way

when they come here for a massage.

Sounds good to me.

Down the hatch, then.

We like to think of ourselves

as a sort of Garden of Eden for sensual healing.

You know, Nurse Smith,

even without a mattress,

you have a wonderful bedside manner.

So I've been told, and it's Kayla.

We like to keep things on a first name basis here.

Makes it a lot more friendly.

Well, Kayla, let's be friendly.

Yes, let's.

( music playing )

♪ Oooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ Ohh ohh ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ Oooh, ooh ooh ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ Oooh, ooh ooh ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ Oooh, ooh ooh ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ Oooh, ooh ooh ♪

♪ Uh-huh. ♪

So, Diana, welcome to Sexy Spa.

Nice to be here.

I take it Kayla has shown you around the grounds

and introduced you to our many facilities.

Yes, she did. I have to say, I love the personal service here.

( chuckles )

Okay, so it says here on your application

that you are looking to renew your marriage

by joining the spa as a couple?

Yeah. I saw your commercial on TV,

and I thought what a great place to keep our love vows alive.

So what's the problem at the moment?

Well, I guess it started about five years ago.

I met Mark through one of those online dating services.

It's gonna sound a little cliché,

but it was love at first sight.

The moment we met, we were connected.

He put me up on a pedestal.

Whatever my heart desired, I got--

fine jewelry, clothes, a Mercedes.

You name it, I got it.

He's a lobbyist in Washington,

- so money wasn't an issue. - So what is the issue?

I guess it's our sexual relationship.

- It's stuck in first gear. - So what you're telling me

is that you make love strictly by the numbers.

He doesn't like to vary whatsoever,

let alone try something new.

Hmm. You know, you might be surprised, Diana,

but a lot of women have the same problem.

- Really? - Oh, yes.

Professor Jones, the man who owns this spa,

devotes an entire chapter to this problem

- in his latest book. - What's it say?

Well, according to the professor,

when a man weds a beautiful woman,

subconsciously he becomes more and more afraid of hurting her.

And this can fester to the point of him

thinking that she might walk out on him,

either with a man or a woman.

Hmm, that sounds terrible.

Oh, it's a vicious cycle that can grow acute over time

to where even a man who is sexually charged

will refrain from having intercourse with his wife

for fear of hurting her.

Well, Mark's not that far gone yet,

but I could see that happening.

- How so? - Well, the other night,

we were about to make love,

and Mark immediately fell into his usual routine

of turning off all the lamps.

But before he could, I stopped him.

I told him this time I want to do it with the lights on.

I swear, he looked like a scared rabbit.

Doctor: Was he able to perform?

Diana: Oh, he did fine,

but I could tell he felt nervous

veering from the usual.

( music playing )

♪ Who has got you, baby ♪

♪ Down on your knees, it's time for confession ♪

♪ Tell me, baby ♪

♪ You're already happy if you're my possession ♪

♪ You can speak tonight ♪

♪ What's got you hypnotized ♪

♪ Even lovin' right ♪

♪ I can see the fire in your eyes ♪

♪ Lovesick, baby ♪

♪ I've got your hope tonight ♪

♪ Lovesick, baby ♪

♪ I've got the cure to make you feel all right ♪

♪ Lovesick, baby ♪

♪ I've got your hope tonight ♪

♪ Lovesick, baby ♪

♪ I've got the cure to make you feel all right ♪

♪ You see me coming ♪

♪ Try to relax, have a glass of wine ♪

♪ I want you, baby ♪

♪ Tied up in knots, now you're mine all night ♪

♪ Playing with matches ♪

♪ Now you've got a fire lit ♪

♪ You move me, honey ♪

♪ Let me know you can't live without it ♪

♪ Lovesick, baby ♪

♪ I've got your hope tonight ♪

♪ Lovesick, baby ♪

♪ I've got the cure to make you feel all right ♪

♪ Lovesick, baby ♪

♪ I've got your hope tonight ♪

♪ Lovesick, baby ♪

♪ I've got the cure to make you feel all right ♪

♪ Who's got you, baby ♪

♪ Down on your knees, it's time for confession ♪

♪ Tell me, baby ♪

♪ You're already happy if you're my possession. ♪

Diana: When it was all done,

he was quick to douse the lights and fall asleep.

It was like he was embarrassed by it all.

Doctor: Look, Diana, I have a plan.

Why don't you come back tomorrow with your husband at noon?

He's usually working, but I could persuade him to take tomorrow off.

Oh, good, because I have an idea

that will instantly turn your marriage

and your love life around forever.

- What is it? - It's a sexual experiment

where I can stimulate your husband's sensory perceptions,

bending them to suit your exact needs.

Mind control? But isn't that dangerous?

No, not under the spa's strictly controlled conditions.

I can modify your husband's sensory perceptions

and unleash that hungry tiger

that you always knew was trapped inside.

Sounds good. But why so soon?

Two reasons: the quicker I turn things around with your mate,

the quicker you reap the benefits in the bedroom.

And the second reason?

- ( phone rings ) - Oh, hold on a second.

Yes, Kayla?

Kayla: There's a bit of a complication

out by the fire pit.

- What's the problem? - Best to just come out.

( sighs ) Very well, then. I'll be right there.

Sorry about that. What were you saying?

The second reason, and why at high noon?

Let's just say dramatic things happen

when the clock strikes 12:00.

- ( chuckles ) - Oh, in the meantime,

this is my personal brand of Spanish Fly.

Give him some of this in his meal

before you come see me tomorrow.

Thank you, Doc, but...

- But what? - What if it doesn't work?

Oh, trust me, it will.

Thanks again, Doc. And could you tell your lovely assistant goodbye for me?

She has quite the tongue.

And I look forward to seeing your husband tomorrow.

I hate you. I wish you would get fired.

Go away! You don't need to work here anymore.

You ladies need to calm yourselves down.

The clients can hear your catfighting

- all the way up at the spa. - I will not calm down,

not till this Pocono Mountain slut

takes back what she said.

Slut? I'm not the one stealing other people's customers

with offers of half-priced happy endings.

For the last time, I didn't steal any of your precious customers.

It was a prearranged agreement.

You just didn't get the memo, you stupid whore.

Oh, so now I'm a whore? Maybe I'll take some of your overflow

the next time things get too busy for you.

Now, now, there is no need for that. ( sighs )

- What's going on, ladies? - She thinks I stole one of her clients.

Oh, and where did you get this defamatory notion, Mandy?

- From one of the staff. - And who would that be?

- Sam. - I'm sorry, who?

- Sam Conway. - I thought so.

So you decided to take a complete fabrication

and spread it without consulting me or any of the staff?

I'll have you know that you could have ruined

- this fine young lady's reputation. - I'm sorry.

And I'll have you know that it was as Lucy said.

I set everything up.

I'm using this streetwalker fantasy

to free up some of Mr. Saunders' inhibitions,

much like you're doing for Mr. Manicotti

- with your innocent schoolgirl technique. - Told you.

And I'll also have you know that you're both helping me

with a very important experiment,

which, if it all goes as planned,

which I know it will, ( chuckles )

we'll all be able to write our own ticket

on the publicity gravy train.

Look, I said I apologized.

It won't happen again, I swear.

Okay. Well, I expect you girls to play nice.

Kayla, go clean these girls up.

You heard her, girls. Let's hit the showers.

( music playing )

♪ Suck on this ♪

♪ Ahh ♪

♪ Suck on this ♪

♪ Mmm, ahh, suck on this ♪

♪ Suck on this ♪

♪ Mmm, ahh, suck on this ♪

♪ Ahh, suck on this ♪

♪ Suck on this ♪

♪ Ahh, suck on this ♪

♪ Mmm, ahh, suck on this ♪

♪ Suck on this ♪

♪ Mmm, ahh, suck on this ♪

♪ Ahh, suck on this ♪

♪ Ahh, yes ♪

♪ Suck on this ♪

♪ Ahh, yeah ♪

♪ Mmm, ahh, suck on this ♪

♪ Suck, suck, suck ♪

♪ Suck ♪

♪ Ahh, suck on this ♪

♪ Suck on this ♪

♪ Mmm, ahh, suck on this ♪

♪ Ahh, suck on this ♪

♪ Suck on this. ♪

Uh, Professor, are you busy?

Just working up some new stimulants

for that lesbian couple on the second floor. Why?

I wanted to talk to you about the orderly that you hired, Conway.

Sam? What's he up to? No good, I suppose.

Not only is he causing unrest with the staff,

but Mrs. Burke said that he came on really strong last time she was here.

- That's not good. - No.

So, should I fire him?

Lay down a stern warning but give him a second chance.

Make sure he knows one more screw-up and he's out.

Done.

Do you happen to know where he is right now?

Well, last time I saw him he was mowing the lawn in the back.

Okay, thanks.

( engine rattling )

What are you doing way out here, Doc?

- Turn off the motor. - What?

- ( engine stops ) - We need to talk, Sam.

- What's up, Doc? - Well, I hear from Mandy

that you're telling tall tales about the patients again.

- Not me, Doc. - Well, I'd appreciate it

if you'd keep your mouth closed and your fly zipped.

Consider it locked in the, uh, up position.

Hmm.

Well, you don't have to overcompensate, honey.

I mean, we all have to open up sometime.

( music playing )

Overcompensating how?

Now that's what I call mowing the lawn.

( chuckles ) Very enjoyable, Sam.

Oh, but I'd like to keep this between us.

- Whatever you say, Doc. - And remember what I said about spreading gossip.

Whatever you want, Doc.

Good.

( engine starting )

Mark, is that you?

Who else are you expecting?

Diana:Nobody. I'm in the kitchen.

I'll be right in.

- So? - So we're in.

- When? - Get this-- high noon tomorrow.

- What? - You heard me.

They want to see us as soon as possible.

What else did he say?

Well, I didn't see Dr. Jones,

just his associate, Dr. Anderson,

and she claims that he was called into a very important meeting.

- You think she's in on it? - Hard to tell.

She seems to know her stuff.

She claims that she can turn your repression around

with a quick jolt of mind control.

Sounds fishy.

Fun, but fishy.

Possibly, but it's too early to call her an accomplice just yet.

- You think they're out there? - Someone is.

I'd bet my life on it. They're watching, all right.

Well, we ought to give 'em a good show.

Careful! One more kiss like that

and you're gonna blow our whole cover story.

Why? What did you tell 'em?

- Just that you're afraid to get close to me. - ( chuckles )

That couldn't be farther from the truth, Officer Reid.

Well, they don't need to know that, and shouldn't.

We're just another unhappy couple

in desperate need of sensual healing.

Hmm, speaking of sensual...

something smells good.

That, Mr. FBI, is my simmering spaghetti sauce.

Wow! A policewoman who could actually cook?

Not only did I cook, but I made sure they saw me

put the Spanish Fly they gave me into one of your meatballs.

Really? Interesting.

They said it would help you think of new ways to satisfy me.

( chuckles ) Hon, I've been thinking of ways how to satisfy you

since the first time we partnered up.

Needless to say, I substituted a vitamin C pill instead.

Are you sure?

If you're worried, you can skip the entrée

and go directly to dessert.

I was planning on it.

- I meant the ice cream. - Oh, yeah, right.

Here's to us.

To us nailing them.

Mark, have you ever heard of a sexipede?

- A what? - A sexipede.

Sounds like something I would be watching on late night cable.

Don't be silly. It was written right here on this memo.

I lifted it from Dr. Anderson's desk.

I looked on the Internet, nothing. Not one entry.

Maybe it's a code?

I think it's something more than that.

Hmm.

( phone ringing )

- Yes? -Well, they were talking in the kitchen for a while,

then they pulled the curtains.

- Anything? -All is normal and consistent with their story.

- Should I stay with them? - Better to play it safe.

It all seems to track, but we can't let our guard down.

Right.

All right, ladies, line up.

It's weekly lingerie inspection.

Mmm, nice.

All right, let's start with you, Lucy.

Turn around for me, honey.

Oh, Lucy. Beautiful backside, baby.

Let's see your front.

Mmm, love it up here.

Too much cloth down here.

I want to see more skin next time.

All right.

Next up, Kayla.

Always gorgeous, baby.

Give me a small turn.

Slow. Ooh! Very nice.

Gorgeous. Mm-hmm.

Very nice, very nice.

One thing, though.

Too much pink on your pink.

Try another color next time.

Ooh, Mandy.

Why don't you do a little spin for me?

Oh, no, no, no. Too fast, baby.

Make it slow and seductive.

Mm-hmm, work what you got.

Very nice, very nice.

Ooh.

Oh, and these.

Oh, just gorgeous.

One thing, though.

You have to remember to move slowly.

Slow is sexy. All right.

All right, ladies.

Present arms.

My turn.

( music playing )

Hello.

( moaning, panting )

All right, ladies, uh, boss is happy.

Let's call it a day.

Wow. ( chuckles )

- Oh, Kayla, this is nice. - Hey, Doctor.

So, it's been one hell of a day, hasn't it?

Oh, you're telling me.

Between that schoolgirl fantasy that I ran this morning

and that nervous Nellie Diana,

I'm so ready to sit back and relax.

Mmm, me too.

That catfight down here earlier just drained me.

( sighs )

Looks like we've got an audience.

Damn. I knew he'd come around.

Who, Sam? He's not a bad sort.

( scoffs ) Funny girl.

Um, but seriously, what do you know about him?

- Why? You interested? - Just curious.

Why, Doctor, you little devil girl!

Kayla, stop it!

And just tell me what you know.

Well, I did research his job application

after he interviewed with Professor Jones.

I guess he got his nursing degree

while serving time in the Navy.

- Wife? Girlfriend? - Per his W-9, single.

- No attachments. - Hmm. ( chuckles )

- "Hmm" what? - Just "hmm."

I swear, you physicians are such a secretive bunch.

Secretive? Oh, come on, that's a bunch of BS.

No, seriously.

Why, just the other day,

I had to access Professor Jones' medical records

for a pharmacy call,

and his computer files were missing.

The folder was there, but it was empty.

- No way. - Way. I couldn't even find his Social.

Okay, now that's odd.

Well, make a note and talk

to the professor tomorrow morning.

Will do.

But in the meantime,

my social security number

is 269-69-69...

Mmm, good number. ( moans )

( music playing )

( sighs ) Well, I really hate to leave you, Doctor,

but I have to go prepare the fireplace

in Mrs. Whitaker's room for her appointment tomorrow.

- Oh, are you treating her? - Yeah, with Sam.

Damn. Can't you pick someone else to help you?

I mean, Mrs. Whitaker and Sam don't really mix.

It'll be fine. He asked if he could assist with the massage.

All right, fine, but be respectful.

Mrs. Whitaker has told us that she only comes here for sensual massages.

She's told me more than once that she only enjoys sex with her husband at home.

Gosh, what a drag that must be.

Kayla! Mrs. Whitaker is very powerful,

very influential, and rich.

Got it. Will do.

You know, it's not really you that I'm worried about,

it's more your partner and his raging hormones.

Don't worry. I'll keep him in line.

- Good girl. - And what about you?

Are you still going through with your experiment tomorrow?

Oh, yes. Everything's ready.

Mrs. Reid and her husband should be here before noon,

and if everything goes as planned,

I will have captured the sexipede by mid-afternoon.

Hopefully so. Just don't let it bite you.

Doctor: Oh, on the contrary,

I'm looking forward to that.

Here goes nothing.

How do I look?

Like a very distraught husband in need of sexual therapy.

Funny, I don't remember seeing any of that

in the mirror when I was getting ready.

Well, just remember how I avoided all your advances since we met.

I'm sure you'll think of something.

Touché.

Do you think we're really gonna need these?

Probably not, but it's better to be safe than sorry.

Got it.

She's nearly half an hour late. Do you think she's gonna show?

She'll be here, I'm sure of it.

I say give her another five minutes then we call it a day.

Be patient. Mrs. Whitaker is one of our most important clients.

Okay, okay, but I am halfway into my lunch break.

I could use a snack now.

- Will these do? - Hummina, hummina.

Oof! Very sweet.

No calories. Gotta love it.

Save your appetite for later, big boy.

So you see, it'll be like killing two birds with one stone.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Let me get this straight.

You want the three of us to have sex,

turn things on so you can capture this sexipede?

Put concisely, yes.

You two will reap the benefits of having a sensual threesome,

whereas I get to bring a heretofore unknown creature

before the eyes of science.

Trust me, it's a win-win situation for everybody.

Amazin'.

Look, even if we believed you

about this creature inside of us,

how do you plan on capturing it?

We didn't come here for an invasive operation.

Oh! No, no, no, no, no. There's no danger at all.

You two will remain safe and untouched.

- But how-- - Let me show you.

As you can see,

I've got a small series of diodes

going down to my pelvis.

Each one gives off a small electric jolt.

When I feel an orgasm coming on,

I simply take this remote, push the red button,

- and the creature comes up and out. - Of your mouth?

I know, it sounds outlandish, but it's not.

When the creature comes out, I simply take it

and put it into this terrarium.

- Incredible. - Does Professor Jones know about this?

Oh, of course. He supports me and my work.

In fact, he thinks I might even be worthy of a Nobel Prize.

- He being Nobel? - No, I mean noble.

- Is he here? - Can we talk to him?

Um, I think he's already left for lunch.

So, shall we try this?

I mean, I've already set up cameras everywhere

to record this momentous event.

Well, um...

Hey, let's go.

- ( cell phone rings ) - Is it her?

Yes. Quiet.

Hello, Mrs. Whitaker?

Hi. Are you on your way?

Traffic, huh?

Well, we're holding the room for you.

Sam and I have had the room prepped since noon.

Can you ask her how long it's gonna be?

So what are you thinking, 10, 15 minutes?

More like 30, huh?

All right, well, we'll hold the room for you.

I'll give her something to hold.

You can't, 'cause she's not here.

Obviously.

( music playing )

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Ohh ♪

♪ Ohh ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

( moaning, panting )

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

( moaning )

♪ Want it, want it, want it ♪

♪ Want it, want it, want it. ♪

( moaning, panting )

( moaning ) Ahh, ohh!

- ( buzzing ) - Oh, God.

Aah! Ohh! Oh, my God! It's coming.

( monitor beeping )

( gasping )

( creature gagging )

( hissing, gurgling )

I got it, I got it!

I got it!

I daresay not, Doctor.

- I daresay not. - Professor Jones?

What are you doing? Why the gun?

I'll tell you why. That's not Professor Jones at all.

- Is it? - Now, now, my good man.

You two are not exactly who you say you are.

- CIA, perhaps? - FBI.

- Same difference. - You're not gonna get away with this, Grinsted.

What'd you say? Paul Grinsted?

- That's right. - The rogue geneticist?

- But I thought he was-- - Dead?

Well, when you're wanted in over 20 countries

for illegal cloning and failed mutations,

you'll do almost anything to disappear.

No one's disappearing tonight except you three

if I don't get my hands on the creature.

But Professor, you said--

I'd say anything to keep you experimenting,

so you'd do all the hard work

and then I'd just step in and take the bows.

And all the money, naturally.

A little sex monster who makes everybody uncontrollably horny,

lots of people would pay big bucks to have one of those.

You son of a bitch.

Merely an accident of birth, Doctor.

Now, if you wouldn't mind, would you put that creature in the terrarium

and bring it over here?

Slowly.

Aah! Aah!

( gunshots )

- What was that? - Sounded like gunshots.

No, maybe it was the fix-it guy fixing the lawnmower.

Crapped out on me this morning.

Aah! Aah!

( screaming )

Something's hot in here.

Ooh!

Aaaah!

All right, Grinsted, it's over.

Yeah. No more genetic mutations for you.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Oh, it's all right, Doc. I already got his gun.

It's not the weapon I'm looking for,

it's the creature, the sexipede.

It's missing.

Well, don't look at me. I don't have it.

Me neither.

All right, pal, move it.

It's a long way from being over, cop.

Mark: Oh, yes it is.

Where you're going, there's only one experiment

and frankly, it's not quite my style.

- Now move it. - ( car door opens )

Now where could it be?

( hissing, squeaking )

( moaning )

( music playing )

♪ Everywhere ♪

♪ Touch me here ♪

♪ Touch me there ♪

♪ Everywhere ♪

♪ Kiss me here, kiss me there ♪

♪ Everywhere ♪

♪ Touch me here ♪

♪ Kiss me there ♪

♪ Everywhere ♪

♪ Touch me here, touch me there ♪

♪ Everywhere ♪

♪ Touch me here, touch me there ♪

♪ Everywhere ♪

♪ Kiss me here, kiss me there ♪

♪ Everywhere ♪

♪ Excite here, deep in there ♪

♪ Everywhere ♪

♪ Everywhere ♪

♪ Vibrate me here, vibrate me there ♪

♪ Everywhere ♪

♪ Everywhere. ♪

( exhales ) My Lord. ( sighs )

Something must have really come over me.

Me too.

Yeah. And I think I have a good idea what it was.

( hissing, squeaking )

( music playing )