Original subtitles

What the fuck, bro?

You should have tied a rock and thrown it.

Or else, the body would come up.

Next time your cat dies, just bury it.

Stop playing these twisted games, bro.

Yeah, Lets meet for golf soon.

Now listen. Say hi to your ex-wife from my side.

Bro

How do you like it?

Really good. Within a year, you have...

done an amazing job.

How?

I received a mail.

Mail?

Yes, some Nigerian Prince was stuck at an airport.

Asked me to send five hundred dolllars, said he'd send five hundred million.

So?

So I sent them and got the money.

Okay.

And what happened to Ritu?

Ritu, who?

Your girlfriend, man.

Who you lived with in Tanya's house...

You used to ask her for 20 bucks for the auto.

Oh, that fat chick.

She left me, bro.

I became impotent last year.

Those were tough times, bro.

You tell me, what will you take?

Blonde, Brunette?

No, no

I did it at home and...

I mean, I'm a one-woman-man.

Sorry.

Scarlett...

Babe, put on a chunri please.

Hello.

Is she...

Bhabhi?

Maid.

You're doing really well.

What a property,with the swimming pool and all.

I wanted to talk to you about some personal matter.

Tell me, bro.

So, Tanya...

doesn't want a a big-fat wedding, she wants a simple one.

And we've paid for the booking.

You want the advance back?

You should have told me earlier. Scarlett,

baby open the cash-room.

No, no, wait Scarlett.

That's what I'm saying...

we don't want the advance back.

Look,

Tanya wants a simple wedding, but I want a lavish wedding here.

So,

I'm asking you...

to lie to Tanya.

Tell her that you can't return the advance.

And then if I convince her, she'll agree.

Sorry, bro.

I don't lie to pretty girls.

Except for the ones I'm dating.

Come on Lleo, I'll just get one day...

What, one day?

I'll get to be a hero only on the day of my wedding.

I'll be on the stage in front of everyone,

they'll bring me gifts,

get photographs clicked with me.

It'll be a chance to feel like a celebrity.

Later, no one cares.

Tanya doesn't understand this!

Getting married in the temple in front of a few people,

then going to the court and signing,

is no wedding.

A wedding should be a loud and lavish affair.

There should be some amount of celebration, or what's the point.

When we've loved so well, we should get married well too.

That's when it'll be a love-marriage.

Or we won't get the 'feel'.

You got it all wrong, bro.

Lleo man, come on. Please, for old times sake bro.

Cool. I'll do it.

I just need a favour.

What?

Get me a bus.

Bus?

Bus.

You want a bus?

I want a bus.

I have said it six times, bro.

No, you've said it thrice.

Bus, bus, bus.

I've said it six times.

Where do I get you a bus from?

Bro, you need me.

And I need a bus.

Now, get me a bus.

Lleo man, you don't get buses at a showroom, that I can buy one and get it for you.

It's a bus!

You're wasting your time, I'm sure Tanya is coming back.

Tick-tock.

Tick-tock.

Tick-tock.

Will the toy-bus work?

Tick-tock. Tick-tock.

I wonder how Scarlett tolerates you. I'm going!

What a venue! It's a good place.

Shall we do ours this way too? Or do you want to elpoe and get married in the temple?

It's not a joke ya.

Why were you dropping hints in front of them?

I'm getting married after 32 years.

Do you know how exciting it is?

I can't even tell anyone.

Please, Bridge.

The people that matter, Mikesh-Tanya. They know about it, right?

It's a matter of 4-5 days.

Let the wedding happen.

We don't know how will their family react.

Why will they react negatively?

You guys are here!

I've been looking for you since so long.

Sorry.

Climbing stairs makes me...

Are you feeling okay?

Yes...I

I might have...

said something wrong in the morning.

So, I came to apologise.

Since I'm old,

I don't even remember anything.

If I might have said something wrong, please forgive me.

No, no, uncle.

You didn't say anything wrong.

You have such a great family.

You have such a principled daughter.

We've been so lucky.

Thank you.

I just have a request from you.

Tell me?

Please don't come to the wedding.

I?

I shouldn't come?

Why?

Lata doesn't like you.

She was saying she doesn't know who you are...

You're her aunt and are tring to her mother.

And you're unmarried as well.

You work outside.

So, if you come for the wedding,

Lata will gossip with other people about you.

I won't be able to bear it.

But I was so nice to her.

Why did she say this?

She's from a bad family.

She was saying,

'she sticks to herr brother-in-law,

we don't understand what's going on.'

I apologise on her behalf.

No, no, uncle.

This is a small town mentality.

No matter how much money they make, their thinking doesn't change.

Look, you shouldn't give her a chance to gossip in the first place.

Just don't come for the wedding, there'll be no problem at all.

Why won't she come?

There's a reason that she's sticking to me.

Wait a minute, please.

Let me...

Look sir,

I'm telling you,

after the wedding, we'll tell them too.

But please keep this to yourself.

Yes, of course.

Tell me, have complete trust.

Anyway, after sometime I won't remember it, I'll forget.

I swear on my 'soon-to-be-grandchild',

I won't tell anyone.

Okay?

What?

What is he doing?

The brother and sister-in -law are getting married.

I went to the terrace and...

they were getting cosy.

Dad, but...

you also exaggerate everything and talk. You know that, right?

Hey, why would I...

I mean what would I get out of lying?

Or go ask them yourself.

They're doing 'Hum Aapke Hain Kaun' in this age.

That's what I've been wondering,

how can such a handsome man be single?

Such a charmer he is.

You keep quiet for a minute.

So Dad,

What else were they saying?

But I'm a liar, why will you listen to me?

Come on, tell me dad.

Look, Lata.

Yes, I am that. But anything new?

We don't get along, everyone knows.

I say a lot of hurtful things to you.

Why?

Because you're a part of my family.

But if an outsider criticises you, I can't bear it.

Why? What happened?

Did they say anything?

They were saying, 'she's from a small town,

they don't have class,

how will Tanya stay with them?'

They said that?

They were saying this about me?

Did sir say anything about me?

I mean,

bonding, connection, friendship,

did you hear such key words?

Look, Lata.

Think about it once.

The girl is nice.

Gorgeous, the girl is very good.

She can become your daughter-in-law.

But she's their daughter.

And our is a Romeo, after all.

No, no, no.

You're wrong here.

All the men in our family are very strong...

You keep quiet.

Yes, okay.

Look.

I'll go talk to them in the afternoon.

How can they hide such a big thing from us?

In the morning itself, when she came...

I knew something was up.

If you're the aunt, behave like one, why try to become the mother?

Lata, talk sweetly. It's a family matter...

be careful.

I'll just have my medicine and come.

Kill it.

It's alright Tanya.

Next time,

just like your feet,

move left.

Okay?

And more smile. Remember it's your wedding after all.

We'll go again in five.

I need some fresh air.

Yes, no...

Let me check and tell you.

I don't know yet...

You see, if it's possible.

Alright.

Yeah, bye.

Hey!

Hi!

You, okay?

Yes, I was talking to my sister.

Everything is okay, right?

Why?

I know it's an audio call, and you can't see the other person, but...

it's not compulsary to close your eyes and talk.

Actually I do it because...

I just imagine that she's next to me...

I like it.

Why? You don't like it here?

Because of Udippi?

Why don't you talk to these people?

Make some friends, you'll feel better.

Actually...

I just joined recently.

So I don't really know anyone.

Imagining your sister here makes you feel better?

Yes!

I mean at least she cares about me, right?

Being with her is better than being with a

hundred people, who don't even know me.

Yeah.

You know, you're right.

Thank you.

Actually, I have a friend who owns a restaurant...

So after I'm done here,

you remind me to give you his number.

Okay.

After your wedding?

No, like...

in fifteen minutes.

Even I need some fresh air.

Okay.

Hey, Karunesh.

Karunesh.

Don't do coke in your dream. You'll double-trip.

Lleo.

Bro, the bus...

What are you doing bro?

They're mint leaves bro.

Scarlett wants to make chutney. I'm helping her out.

Cool.

Hi Scarlett.

Bro, I can't find a bus.

How do I just find one?

Because of you I entered a school bus.

While pushing the kids outside, I almost got beaten up by the school conductor.

No problem, bro. Get me a cab.

What?

Bro if you could make do with a cab, you should have told me earlier!

The OLA will be here in 2 minutes.

Why did you need a bus then?

I'm going for a very important meeting. If I go by bus, it'll be more impactful.

How will it be more 'impactful' if you went in a bus?

Just a minute.

Hello.

Yes, I'm upstairs. I am coming.

It's here.

And no matter how important the meeting is, you'll just call for a bus?

Use your brain, it's the same route, same destination...

Think a bit practically bro.

Why?

You too wanted to be a hero, just for a day.

Wasn't that impractical?

But I didn't ask for a bus, I just wanted a grand wedding...

If you want to be a hero...

use your talent,

why are you using your budget?

You can stand on the roof of the bus or

lie down on the backseat of the cab,

what's important is who you're going with.

Just choose the most sensible option to start your journey.

Otherwise, earn money,

have fun,

take a trip to Vegas,

do match-fixing.

Why are you giving me money?

What are you trying to say bro?

I'm not trying,

winners don't try.

I'm saying.

Don't do this.

Don't go by bus, go by OLA.

You'll be happy.

Why are you causing yourself damage for me?

You're a nice guy, bro.

You gave me your charger.

You know what?

You're the second best guy I know, bro.

What happened bro?

Nothing.

Was just thinking about Tiwari.

Bro, stop right there.

I hate hugging grown up, fully clothed men, bro.

Just stay away.

Bro you haven't updated your Manhood Software.

All the bugs have been removed in the new software.

These days men hug a lot.

Hey, Mikesh bhaiya.

What happened? Is everything okay?

Let's go. Shabnam is standing downstairs.

Oh god. These Arab chicks just can't take no for an answer.

Scarlett. Baby call security.

Hey, Shabnam is his taxi's name.

I saw your number and got scared.

I thought there might again be a problem in your wedding.

Why? What happened?

I think I'll order something simple. Like Dal-Chawal.

Because we anyway have it everyday at home.

Shall I order something for you?

Burger, Pasta or Noodles?

Will you have something?

No, I'll go home and eat.

Why bother anyone here?

I'll go home and eat .

Will you go to your own house?

No.

Actually I was thinking, tonight I'll go to their house.

Spend the night there.

What is your plan after this?

I haven't thought about it yet.

Yes, so let's both of us go and...

Right now!?

No, no. At seven thirty.

That's when Happy Hours start.

You're Mohan, I'm Mohan,

we must have some fun.

What are you doing? Keep quiet.

Bhaisaab.

Yes.

In the morning, you started talking about something...

I think you wanted to say something. Something close to your heart.

Yes, actually...

It's better if we talk about it right now.

Yes.

Since the past two years, Ila and I...

Bridge not here.

No, no. Let him talk, please.

He has such a great voice.

His voice has so much bass, just like Mr. Bachan.

Please keep talking.

Keep quiet.

Since the past two years...

Bridge, not in front of people who won't get it.

Yes! We won't get it! How can we get it!?

Because we are working class people from small

towns. So we can't get it. How can we get it?

Why are you talking like this?

Ila, please.

Bhaisaab, we had been talking since a while, right?

So at least you could have told us.

But what is his fault?

What do you mean?

A handsome man like him has multiple affairs.

You keep quiet!

Will he go around telling everyone?

No, no. Whatever you're doing is right.

Don't listen to him.

One shouldn't do this.

This is not the way.

Please clean this properly.

Scrub it and clean it.

Seema?

So, you promised me a perfect wedding, right?

Yeah. Why? What happened?

Is it the carpet? Because a new one is on it's way already.

No, no. It's not the carpet.

Something is just not right.

It's just... I really don't know...

Come. I'll show you.

Tanya.

My tea.

I'll help you.

Come, come.

Something is not right.

I can't really tell.

Can you see it?

Is it the frame?

Tanya. I can see that you're now quite excited about your wedding.

Which is good, very good.

But they haven't finished doing up this place as yet.

It's not the frame.

It's something else.

Something doesn't belong here.

Okay.

I think I know what the problem is.

It's you.

You don't belong here.

Why would you be a part of my wedding?

Do we have to go through this entire charade all over again, Tanya?

Or is this your lame attempt at humour?

You think it's lame?

I think it's hilarious!

You know, back there, you almost convinced me.

After your little speech, you almost convinced me...

to parade myself in front of these five hundred strangers...

that never did or will care about me.

I mean, of course, the expenditure was a huge concern but...

this was the part that I hated the most.

To display myself, like a prop...

in front of these five hundred strangers, especially the ones like you.

You're just getting anxious Tanya.

It's very sweet.

See, at the end of the day, I'm here. For your wedding.

I'm going to give you an album...

that you can show to people the rest of your life.

If it's the guest list that's bothering you, then we can talk about it.

We'll figure that one out.

I'm here for you.

But why now Seema?

Where were you before?

In Mikesh and my life, we never saw you before.

School, college, job, interviews, illness, accidents

We've seen so much, Seema. But we never saw you .

And today, you care about my wedding?!

I'm a human being Seema.

I'm not a wedding skirt, that you appreciate me one day

and then forget about it.

You know what the funny thing is?

The most hilarious part is, that the people who actually, really care about me,

are right now worried about pleasing those five hundred strangers...

like you, at me wedding.

You.

Who are you?

Why should we care about what you think?

Who gave you this power to interfere in my wedding?

Knowledge gave me the power, Tanya.

My knowledge...

about your condition.

I think you somehow missed that part.

And you know what happens, if you do not follow my instructions.

You know Seema, there's this old hindi song...

My dad really likes it, so I was listening to it the other day

Sorry, pardon my voice, it's really bad right now.

I don't care.

I don't care what you go and say to whomsoever it is that you want to about me.

Because the people that I really care about,

and who really care about me, are right by my side.

And I don't need anyone else.

So I won't keep you waiting any longer.

I am sure you have a lot of engagements to take care of. So, come.

Come.

Tanya!

What?

Please drop her wherever she wants.

You don't have to worry. I'll make sure everything

is packed and delivered to your next location.

Now, please take a seat Seema.

And permanently get lost from my life.

Wait, wait.

Just so you know, I don't disrespect what you do.

Infact, I wish you all the best.

But it's just not for me.

So along with all your advice about how I should marry,

Please take this back as well.

Because this...

is not my cup of tea.

Hey, Tanu!

Have you seen mom and dad?

No. Did you speak with Lleo?

Yes...

He wasn't ready to return the advance...

He held my collar and said,

'how can you ask for the money?'

And then he called Russian Security.

I lowered him and hit him with my elbow,

his nose started bleeding.

Then he said sorry and that he'll return it.

He'll return the advance.

You aren't sad, are you?

No, I'm not sad.

One should think practically.

Why call for a bus?

We'll take the OLA and be happy.

We were going to come by bus?

I was using the metaphor of the bus to explain the context to Lleo.

He's stupid, doesn't understand.

I'll explain it to you later.

Now let's go. Purshottamji was scaring me.

We must find our parents.

Scarlett told me they were somewhere here.

I don't know where they disappear.

They're having their own picnic.

Yes, they all must be together.

Grandpa, are our parents together?

Put down your finger.

Put your finger down, am I raising my finger?

Don't change the topic.

What do you mean?

Don't change the topic!

Yes. You always change the topic.

She does.

Bridge, there's no point.

Keep quiet.

Hey, mom!

Mom, you start fighting everywhere.

Dad, you too...

Dad, I'm talking to you.

Aunty.

You say, what happened?

What's wrong?

I'll tell you what's wrong Tanya.

Your father and your...

whoever she is,

they are wrong.

They are wrong.

I've heard enough.

It's enough.

I promise you that you'll get married to my Miku.

That's my promise.

But look, at your wedding...

if all these people come...

we won't come.

Enough. I've said it. We will not come.

Now you guys do whatever you think is fine.

You come with me.

Lata...

Come on.

What are you doing?

It's enough.

What are you saying Lata?

My sherwani will get wasted.

I'll just be back.

But don't forget our, seven-thirty-happy-hours-plan.

Come on!

Yes!

You guys always just leave!