Original subtitles

Are you OK? Oh, God!

Why are you fishing dead people out of the river?

Leave him be, for the love of God!

He's dead!

Let's get the hell out of here before the fuzz turns up.

Anton, help me.

Help her. All right, I've got him.

Watch your head.

Pull him this way.

No, no, no, Val. It's not gonna work.

It's not gonna work. Watch out.

You don't know where he's been, anyway.

Ready? All clear?

Ohh!

Oh!

He's alive! He was.

What on earth is that?

We'll put him in the trunk. But…

What? The boss said leave him.

He thought he was dead. Come on.

No, no, no. I don't like this.

This just doesn't… It's none of our business.

What do you suggest, that we leave him on the side of the road?

Definitely. Let's go.

All right.

Careful.

Anton, come on! Percy!

Percy, you dropped these.

Giddy up!

Val! Val, come on!

Jump up.

Hey, you!

I suppose somebody saves your life every day of the week.

What?

Is it too much of a bother for a mere thank you?

Who are you?

Percival St Antoine della Touraine et Sansepolcro da Piemonte III.

And if that seems too difficult, you can call me Percy.

Where the hell are we?

Geographically, in the northern hemisphere, socially, on the margins,

and narratively, with some way to go.

And your name is?

Uh…

I can't remember.

That's frigging handy!

Any credit cards?

Are you trying to rob me?

What are you doing?

With your name on them.

Oh, right, er…

Where's my wallet? Where's my phone? What have you done with it?

Don't look at us. Who are you?

He doesn't remember.

Listen, er… whoever you people are, and whatever it is you get up to,

I'm cool with it.

I won't tell anyone about it and er…

I'm gonna go now, all right?

It's probably for you.

Oh.

Here's my phone.

WO There you are.

What are you doing? What are you doing?

Pity.

I speak Russian.

Oh, hello.

Are you all right?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's just I feel…

I think I need a place to gather my thoughts for a little bit.

Sorry, mate. Sorry, mate.

Thank you for that but you can't stay.

Why not?

What do you mean? Look at him.

We… We don't know who he is.

We don't know what he's done.

Listen, I haven't done anything, mate.

All right? Oh, right.

I understand where you're coming from, but understand where I'm coming from.

I don't know my name. You know, I don't know how I got here.

I don't know who you are or who she is, and I certainly don't know what that is.

You know?

The last thing I remember is being whacked in the head,

waking up in that box, in the back of this… whatever the hell this thing is.

And I just… I just…

Oh, my head!

What the hell's going on here?

I told you to leave him. He was dead.

Well, he isn't and we didn't.

We found him hanging under the bridge, sir.

Hanging? Yeah.

By his neck till dead, if we had any sense.

We found these in his pockets. Two of these.

The Hanged Man.

Scrumpy, get out of my way.

No.

Signs are all clear.

And those marks!

I recognise them. What marks?

You've been sent by Mr Nick, haven't you?

Mr Nick? I knew it. You know his name.

No.

He's got a proposition for me, hasn't he?

A new wager, perhaps,

or another twist in the game?

He can't help himself, can he?

Thank God! Thank God for that!

Dad says you should work.

Help focus your mind.

I don't know, it might bring your memory back.

Ah, here we are. Try this.

Thanks.

You can help out front.

Sell tickets or something like that.

What do you think?

Hm?

OK.

So… no name

and now no face?

The mystery thickens.

Get your grubby hands…

All right. That's not necessary.

Valentina, we got a problem. So strange.

Just a complete blank, you know.

I can dress myself.

Let me go, I said!

Let me go!

Ow. Hey, come on.

Doctor.

Oh, God, he's gonna be sick.

Aha!

Is your memory less impaired?

Is it all coming back to you now?

What?

Ah, you're bloody useless. You're a flaming disaster.

You can't go on. You're drunk.

I'm not drunk! I'm grumpy… Scrumpy.

Er…

L-L-Ladies and gentlemen,

raise your sights for one night only.

Encounter…

Percy, where's George gone?

The majesty, the beauty, the miracle that's in each…

Anton, where's George?

Who… Who's George?

I thought we should give him a name.

All right, that's cute.

Saint George, in fact. To be precise. Well, hello there, darling.

Oh, that's a lovely scarf. It matches those lovely eyes of yours.

Well, actually, I'm here to sell a show. Want to see a magic show?

Thank God for that. Not a single customer.

I'm closing up. Let's do that.

He's never not done a show before.

All right. N-n-n-no.

No, what are you doing?

I'm doing my job, mate. Now, come on, do yours.

Do yours. Go juggle. You're doing your thing, you look beautiful.

OK. Ladies and…

Well, ladies.

I am very proud to present to you the one, the only, the extraordinary…

Doctor Parnassus.

I'm a little teapot short and stout.

Urgh!

Dad?

This man is drunk!

Dead drunk! Oh, that's disgraceful!

He's not drunk. No, he's not. He's…

Got a bad cold. And you know what?

Despite that, he still went on, for his audience, for you…

at considerable risk for his health.

And I think that is worthy of a round of applause, ladies and gentlemen.

What a man. We want our money back.

Every penny.

Well, you…

All right, listen. You can have your money back.

I understand, but I… Listen.

To tell you the truth, the Doctor's daughter…

I know she looks pretty but she ain't…

She's pretty sick, see?

She needs surgery.

So we're trying to scrounge all we can get. Otherwise she's gonna…

That's what all this is about- to try and get money for her.

Do you understand? I mean…

How about this?

We'll give you a free ticket- no, two free tickets-

if you buy another one at half price.

Er… this offer's only available today.

All right, go on.

What? Oh, nothing.

This offer is only available today.

He took all that? Yeah.

Have you ever seen so much?

That is what lying through your teeth can get you.

Come on, Anton.

How was he to know that we're not gonna be here tomorrow?

Hey, maybe my birthday won't be so bad.

Yeah, maybe it won't, actually.

Maybe with George here, maybe you could get out of this dump.

Go find your ideal home.

Anton.

George! Wrong end of the horse, mate.

What's the…

I should be dead.

You know, you shouldn't drink.

It just flat out doesn't agree with you.

You are so right.

You?

Oh, shit.

Oh, well, what do you want from me this time? I'll do anything.

I know you will.

By the way, your man lost his memory.

Bloody useless.

He's not my man. What?

No. He's a little toerag named Tony Shepherd.

Just tidying up.

He runs a big charity.

I don't trust him.

But you don't trust me either, do you? Oh, just tell me what you want.

I just thought that last night when you were so upset

that you could maybe use a little glimmer of hope.

Maybe you could use a little bet.

What?

It's over, it's over. Finito.

Oh, come on, it's never over.

Come on, what have you got to lose? Look, you could end up winning.

You could save her.

What do you say? First to five souls?

First to five? Yeah.

No tricks?

No. No, no cheating?

No cheating.

I'd say yes. Deal.

God, I love a betting man.

OK, by her birthday, then.

That's in two days, you bastard.

Do you have any idea what rotten business we're doing?

Things are gonna pick up. Sure as eggs is eggs.

Yeah. OK.

First one to five souls wins. I'll kill you, you son of a bitch.

Now that I'd like to see.

Wait!

Oh!

Damn phone.

Morning, Val. Hi, George.

Scrumpy?

Scrumpy?

Oh…

Oh.

Good lord.

Good lord.

Food, food. We got food.

We got bread. We got cheese. We got vegetables.

And we got… this thing. Whatever this thing is.

It's all your fault we're eating so well today.

Know how to pluck?

Is that… is that… Bertie?

George thought doves would be better.

Pluck it. Pluck it?

Yeah. How?

Here.

That was my best trick.

Five souls in two days, huh?

Put a sock in it. I'm trying to think.

He's been sent to us for a reason. I know it.

Cards don't lie. No?

Pardonnez-moi. Monsieur Saint George.

Oh, I worry about you.

Not knowing who you are.

It must be extremement difficile pour vous, n'est-ce pas?

Yeah, it really is. It's confusing at times.

I may be able to help you. Really?

Yes. You see this contraption here?

Do the honours, Percy.

Yes. Now, if you don't mind placing it on your head.

That's it. Now, you see these wires? Yes.

Just hold on to that. That's right.

All right. That's right, now.

Now, I just want you to relax. And just think of nothing.

That's not gonna be hard considering…

Shut it! I beg your pardon?

Your mouth. Don't breathe.

Hold your breath. Seriously?

Just let the energy flow. Let it wax and wane.

Think of the earth, the ocean…

That's very good. Very good, very good.

Yes. I need a name.

I need a name. Huh?

Yes, I have a name.

Shepherd.

Anthony Shepherd.

They call you Tony.

That was exhausting.

You used to do good works, I understand.

Erm… something about a charity,

I think.

Yes. Erm…

Tony Shepherd…

It rings a bell for sure.

Wow. This…

This… this… It really works.

You erm…

Is there anything else you discovered when you were doing your “ums”…?

Well, I mean…

You must understand this is an ancient technique.

Right. I'm extremely rusty, I'm afraid.

No. There was absolutely nothing else.

No.

Well, it's fascinating stuff.

It really is, I must say. I mean, can I take this off now?

Yes. Is that all right?

I mean, thank you very much. No, no. Not at all. Not at all.

Bless you. I have a name.

Charity work?

Cool.

So what was he doing dangling by his neck under the bridge?

Percy!

Is that rude? Did I put my foot in it?

No, it's erm… so strange. It's horrible, you know?

I just… Everything is just a complete blank.

You know? But as the good doctor said, I…

I was involved in some sort of charity. I do remember that.

There you go. Plucked.

I mean, what a fool I must have been, you know, to think that I could have…

you know, changed the world.

That I could have made a difference. You know, given people hope, eh?

I mean, what an arrogant idiot I must have…

Hey! What's that? Can I have a look at that?

What is that you've got? It's Beethoven, Ode To Joy.

No, not the song, mate. The pipe.

Oh… I think it belongs to me.

Really? You think…? Yeah.

How do you… how do you know that? You remembered you're a musician.

Yeah, it's a day of remembering. Can I please have it back?

Are you sure? Yes.

You're sure this is yours?

Positive, mate. How can you be sure?

I just know these things. Can I have it back, please?

Yeah. All right, then. Here you go.

Er… Er…

Yeah.

Yeah… All right.

I don't know where it's gone. It's very funny, isn't it?

Can I have my pipe back? It means a lot to me.

Yeah, I understand. It's a special pipe.

I don't quite know… OK, sorry. Got it, got it. Sorry.

There you go. Take it.

Sorry, sorry. Thanks.

Listen, this isn't funny, mate. That pipe means a lot to me.

All right? It's a little bit funny.

No, it's not. Get my pipe back. All right.

Let me just look around.

What is it doing in a teapot?

That's what I want to know.

What is it doing in a teapot? I don't know.

Now, thank you very much. OK.

All right. I'm just mucking about. All right.

Right! Now you go fetch that thing.

No, I'm not kidding. Get that thing. OK.

I'm gonna get it. Right now.

All right. Just chill out. Just chill out.

There.

Anton. Enough.

I'm sorry. I'm playing around, trying to bond.

Thanks, darling.

Just trying to bond.

OK.

That was fun! Yeah. Funny, funny.

We'll take this one to the back.

I'm worried about Anton. What's eating him?

He's in love with Valentina.

In love? Who gave him permission?

It happens. The little snake.

Take him from the streets and that's the thanks I get. I'll skin him alive.

While you're at it, there's the other one.

The other one? The rattlesnake.

The forgetful cobra. Oh, Tony?

Tony's another kettle of fish. Is he?

Yes, he's ambitious, energetic. A man of destiny.

And he'll help us win. I think he just might.

Scrumpy sees some good in him. She's better off with Anton.

Perhaps I should offer her hand

to whoever helps us win the next five souls.

That's an even worse idea than all the other bad ones you've had today.

You're not wrong, you're not wrong. Neither of them is worthy of her.

You're never wrong, are you?

Percy. What would I do without you?

Get a midget. What?

You know, short fellow. A little taller than I am.

Short legs, short feet, big head. Runs kind of funny.

Yes, I know, I know.

Doctor Parnassus… as old as the universe itself.

Versed in… Ah, evening, smokers.

Hello, hello, hello. How's your night tonight? Is it good?

Is it all right? Had a few pints?

Let the mind… Is he OK?

Of the great Dr Parnassus…

What are you doing, sniffing about like that?

We must concentrate tonight. Everything depends on it.

Let the great mind… of this doctor…

…transport you…

to the world of your imagination.

You, my dear, I see having a very special destiny.

Procrastinate no longer, you stupid ponce.

Procrastinate no longer.

Oh, no, no, no, a singer. I bet you have the voice…

Hi there! …Of an angel.

Don't you, now? Now, come on, trust me, you're gonna love this experience.

Hey, what are you doing?

Taking you to the heart of your imagination.

Oh, my God. No way.

Trust me, you will not regret this.

Go for it, Sal. Yeah, go for it, Sal.

Only if she comes too. Now you're talking.

I can't do two at the same time. Are you crazy, kid? Go for it.

Well, I'm not going on my own. We'll do it together.

Together. Good idea. Are you crazy?

Two imaginations in there at the same time?

Oh, no, no, no. Ladies, ladies, ladies.

One at a time's fine, you see.

When there are two, the stronger imagination will overcome the weaker

and you have no idea what might happen.

That's really stupid. One alone is safe. Follow me.

Enjoy yourselves. Let go!

Wait, Anton. Anton! Have no fear.

Put me down!

She doesn't want to do it on her own.

Your friend is about to have a life-changing experience.

Put me down! Pillock.

No! What are you doing?

We've got a customer.

Oh, here we go!

Dad. Father.

Ooh! Sal!

Sal! Get off me! Sal!

Dave! Dave!

Don't shoot the messenger. Sal's in there!

Get back! Get back!

Wait. Wait!

Tony!

Come here, you!

Get off!

Come back!

Wa-argh!

Hi there.

Ow!

Shit.

What were you thinking?

Look what you've done.

Jesus.

Leave us alone. I'm trying to help.

Get out of here.

Leave! First to five.

First to five.

First to five. One down. First to five. Ssh. It's OK.

Get up. We've gotta keep moving.

I know. It's all right. It's fixable. Look, all the homeless guys.

They'll eat our food. All right. Let's do this.

Jesus Christ! What are you doing?

I'm helping. You made a mess.

What? I'm… Get out of here. Come on.

Percy, Percy… You're not helping. Get up.

All right, all right. All right! I'm gone. Go away.

Why don't you just claim it all on insurance?

Bugger off! All right. I was just asking.

Oh, God.

That was quite an interesting crowd, wasn't it?

Just leave me alone, mate.

Hey, Val is a little worried about you, mate.

And she wanted me to have a little chat with you about what happened today,

with the young lady behind the mirror.

Erm… What are you suggesting, mate?

Anton, you can tell me, mate. We all heard her screaming.

I was screaming as well.

It was terrifying. It was terrifying?

I don't understand. Well, you wouldn't, would you?

You haven't been inside the Doctor's mind, have you?

No, I haven't. No. Yeah, you, you, my friend,

you probably think it's a scam.

Well, ain't it?

Oh, no.

No, it's not.

I wouldn't, I wouldn't… I wouldn't expect you to understand.

Not in a million years.

Right, so if Dr Parnassus can really control people's minds,

then why isn't he ruling the world, then?

Hey?

Why bother with this little… sideshow act?

It's not a sideshow. He don't wanna rule the world.

He wants the world to rule itself.

Yeah.

And what about the mirror? What's that about?

A bit of hocus-pocus? No, mate.

Tony, Tony, Tony, you don't get it, man.

It is…

It's impossible to describe. It's just a mystery.

Yeah.

It's everything. It's you, it's me, it's us. He holds the universe behind that mirror.

Does “first to five” mean anything to you?

I thought you were supposed to be the clever one.

It's all over. It's lost.

Finished. Over. Ssh. Don't say that.

It's never over.

You're supposed to be immortal, remember?

Honestly, it's gonna be OK, Dad.

How can you understand?

Hm?

You're a child.

You've never loved.

Not like I have.

From the moment I looked up…

and saw her, I was captivated.

A prisoner for life.

I was a thousand years old.

How could I woo her?

How could I ever make her mine?

Percy, you devil! Let go. You don't understand.

Don't be a fool. Let go.

You can't die. You're immortal. Let go!

You'll just end up broken in an eternity ward.

And I'll end up looking after you…

Just let go, you little shit. …forever!

No!

And at times like these, the Devil was never far away.

Why look so glum, Parny?

Accentuate the positive.

He granted me mortality again…

and youth and new powers.

Greater powers.

And I won her.

I was so In love.

So In love.

But at what price?

What price?

What's up, Doc?

But at what price?

But at what price?

Pick up those rotten apples.

Percy, pick up those rotten apples.

Ow. Sorry.

Thank God it's only cuts and bruises.

Yeah. I thought we'd lost you.

Oh, sweetheart.

What a sweet thing to say.

Oh, look at you.

I've been meaning to ask you about your father.

He seems to be in a terrible state, you know.

Now, is it a financial thing? Is it money?

I don't know.

Because if it is, you know I can help out in that area.

I don't know. Or is it the show, perhaps?

I don't care about the show any more.

Or what about the police? Maybe…

Bring on the police. I'm sick of living like this.

Oh, really?

Oh, aren't you a little toughie, eh?

Now, listen, you shouldn't be talking this way.

All right? It's very important what you're doing. It's family stuff. You know?

Maybe it's just things ought to be done a little different around here.

What different sort of way do you suggest?

Morning. How was your sleep last night?

You had a nasty bump on your head.

Different? What do you mean?

Well, I've been thinking, sir, that, you know, it's quite obvious that people…

you know, not many people are attracted to the show.

Oh, thank you so much.

Well, forgive me, but I have a couple of solutions to your problem.

I was thinking of changing the style of the show.

I would change the audience, perhaps.

Change? Yeah.

But in my opinion I'd change both. You know, that's just me.

And I'd… Change the show?

Who the friggin' hell do you think you are?

Don't be so afraid of change, mate.

The fact of the matter is, this show, the stage, it's just not…

I don't know what the word is. It's… But you know, it's not…

Modern?

Modern. Yes.

You see, people want modern. They want, you know, like… like this.

See. This here is contemporary. This is what people want.

I know this world. Trust me. All right?

Now, with you and your mind control thingamajigamy,

we need to meet the public halfway.

You know? The right public in the right part of town.

What about the filth? What?

The filth. He means the police.

Oh, well, there'll be a better class of filth too.

That will be the day. Yeah. Listen.

The secret is, you know, not to hide.

Be bold. Be colourful.

You know, or actually, you know, be less colourful, perhaps.

And go places people would never expect you to be at.

You know? Think.

Sir, you saved my life.

Now let me do something in return for you.

Please.

Would you hold on to that?

Scrumpy.

You believe in coincidence? No, there's no such thing.

Isn't that what you always told me?

Everything has a reason. Yes, that's what I believe.

And the cards. Do you believe in them?

What the hell are you on about, Dad? Is this some kind of test?

Scrumpy, please, this is an extremely important day.

Do we gamble on Tony?

I want your opinion. I need your advice.

I don't believe this. You want my opinion?

Yeah. This is the best birthday present ever.

Yes. Gamble. Let's do it.

Yes!

Let's do it!

I love you, Dad.

And the Devil take the hindmost.

Well, lovely. Yeah.

How sweet.

So what do we do now?

Well, let's see.

First off, how much money do we have to play with?

Cos we're gonna need… all of it.

Anton!

What are you doing? Didn't you do enough damage last night?

Anton! I'm the one who wants to run away.

Please, don't spoil my birthday. We need you.

I need you.

How much money have you got?

Look, my dear, did you not read our sign?

We're here to give, not take, my darling.

But I can see from your beautiful eyes that you are a very, very generous lady

and I applaud you for that.

Excuse me, but how does this work?

What does it cost? Cost? No.

The Imaginarium does not cost a thing. We're not here for money.

How long does it take? Well, that depends, my dear.

I'm running late. Late, late, for a very important date.

Gosh, I can't tell you how many times I've heard that in my life.

Listen, can I ask you a question?

Do you dream?

Or should I say, can you put a price on your dreams?

Or the dreams of the less fortunate in this world, huh?

Is there a price for them?

Or are you all in despair at your inability to change what is wrong in this world, huh?

You see, I had a dream.

But I too walked away from it.

You know, I ignored it.

I had no time for it.

Does that sound familiar to you?

Yes?

I know, my dear.

But, you see, ladies and gentlemen, I was saved by a miracle.

By Doctor Parnassus.

He gave me my life back again.

He gave me a reason to dream.

He took me to the waterfall of happiness.

And I was reborn.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I can tell you now, I have been…

No, I am… purified.

I'll go first. No, I'm going first!

No, no, no.

Ladies, we are actually solidly booked right now.

Back off!

But we are taking reservations. Make a booking. Excuse me.

Calm down.

Is that child up for adoption?

Yes.

I want to adopt that unfortunate black child. It shouldn't be working like this.

It should be in school.

Who's in charge here? You are, my lady.

Don't you touch me.

Don't be frightened, dear. Everything's OK, officers.

My darling, tonight is your night.

Do you want to be purified? Well, oh…

This is your time. Please, out of the way.

But we queued. How come she gets to be purified?

She has been chosen, my dear.

Come away. Trance, Doctor.

But I haven't paid a thing.

You can make a donation on your way out if you feel the need to.

Some people do. Most people do.

And he is in his trance.

Believe me, my dear, you are the luckiest lady alive.

Now, good luck. Ooh.

Oh, this is exciting. This is fun.

There are so many temptations.

Maybe just a peek?

No, wait, Tony!

Oh, how gorgeous.

Golly.

I say, gorgeous.

It's me.

Thank you.

Who are you, dear?

Oh, I have always known that you would look like this.

I don't even know your name.

It's Roger.

No, it's not.

It's Barry.

Barry? Yes.

How dashing.

Quite.

Oh, goodness me.