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All language subtitles for SNL S03E07 Mary Kay Place.DVDRip.HI.RLP.cc.en.UNVSL

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,800 --> 00:00:04,647 Announcer: "GRIZZLY ADAMS SETS FIRE TO HIS HEAD" WILL NOT BE SEEN THIS WEEK SO THAT NBC 2 00:00:04,671 --> 00:00:05,949 SETS FIRE TO HIS HEAD" WILL NOT BE SEEN THIS WEEK SO THAT NBC MAY PRESENT THE FOLLOWING 3 00:00:05,973 --> 00:00:11,855 BE SEEN THIS WEEK SO THAT NBC MAY PRESENT THE FOLLOWING SPECIAL PROGRAM. 4 00:00:11,879 --> 00:00:12,722 MAY PRESENT THE FOLLOWING SPECIAL PROGRAM. [WHISTLE BLOWS] 5 00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:14,091 SPECIAL PROGRAM. [WHISTLE BLOWS] OKAY, EVERYBODY, LET'S ROLL 6 00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:15,492 [WHISTLE BLOWS] OKAY, EVERYBODY, LET'S ROLL 'EM UP, MOVE 'EM IN, REHEARSE. 7 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:16,860 OKAY, EVERYBODY, LET'S ROLL 'EM UP, MOVE 'EM IN, REHEARSE. THE SHOW'S GETTING READY TO... 8 00:00:16,884 --> 00:00:18,828 'EM UP, MOVE 'EM IN, REHEARSE. THE SHOW'S GETTING READY TO... WAIT A MINUTE, WHERE'S BELUSHI? 9 00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:20,197 THE SHOW'S GETTING READY TO... WAIT A MINUTE, WHERE'S BELUSHI? [ALL GROANING] 10 00:00:20,221 --> 00:00:21,264 WAIT A MINUTE, WHERE'S BELUSHI? [ALL GROANING] HE'S NOT HERE. 11 00:00:21,288 --> 00:00:22,499 [ALL GROANING] HE'S NOT HERE. OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. 12 00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:23,433 HE'S NOT HERE. OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. WAIT A MINUTE. 13 00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:24,601 OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 14 00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:26,370 WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? NOW, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. 15 00:00:26,394 --> 00:00:28,105 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? NOW, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. BELUSHI'S ABSENCE, ALL OF THIS 16 00:00:28,129 --> 00:00:29,906 NOW, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. BELUSHI'S ABSENCE, ALL OF THIS MISH-MASH HERE, THIS REFLECTS AN 17 00:00:29,930 --> 00:00:31,741 BELUSHI'S ABSENCE, ALL OF THIS MISH-MASH HERE, THIS REFLECTS AN ATTITUDE THAT I HAVE NOTICED ALL 18 00:00:31,765 --> 00:00:33,610 MISH-MASH HERE, THIS REFLECTS AN ATTITUDE THAT I HAVE NOTICED ALL WEEK, AND THAT IS LACK OF PEP. 19 00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:35,379 ATTITUDE THAT I HAVE NOTICED ALL WEEK, AND THAT IS LACK OF PEP. NOW, I WASN'T GONNA TELL YOU 20 00:00:35,403 --> 00:00:37,247 WEEK, AND THAT IS LACK OF PEP. NOW, I WASN'T GONNA TELL YOU GUYS THIS, BECAUSE THE NETWORK 21 00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:39,116 NOW, I WASN'T GONNA TELL YOU GUYS THIS, BECAUSE THE NETWORK ASKED ME TO HOST THE SHOW ONLY 22 00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:40,917 GUYS THIS, BECAUSE THE NETWORK ASKED ME TO HOST THE SHOW ONLY BECAUSE I COULD PUMP SOME PEP 23 00:00:40,941 --> 00:00:41,818 ASKED ME TO HOST THE SHOW ONLY BECAUSE I COULD PUMP SOME PEP INTO THE SHOW. 24 00:00:41,842 --> 00:00:43,553 BECAUSE I COULD PUMP SOME PEP INTO THE SHOW. NOW, IT IS VERY, VERY DIFFICULT 25 00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:45,222 INTO THE SHOW. NOW, IT IS VERY, VERY DIFFICULT TO PUMP PEP INTO THE SHOW WHEN 26 00:00:45,246 --> 00:00:46,356 NOW, IT IS VERY, VERY DIFFICULT TO PUMP PEP INTO THE SHOW WHEN THE PEPPERS ARE NOT 27 00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,058 TO PUMP PEP INTO THE SHOW WHEN THE PEPPERS ARE NOT PARTICIPATING, OKAY? 28 00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:50,193 THE PEPPERS ARE NOT PARTICIPATING, OKAY? NOW, YOU ALL HAVE NOT BEEN 29 00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:53,130 PARTICIPATING, OKAY? NOW, YOU ALL HAVE NOT BEEN PARTICIPATING PEPPILY. 30 00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:55,332 NOW, YOU ALL HAVE NOT BEEN PARTICIPATING PEPPILY. PEP? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, PEP? 31 00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:57,501 PARTICIPATING PEPPILY. PEP? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, PEP? I MEAN PUMPED, ENTHUSIASM, 32 00:00:57,525 --> 00:00:59,503 PEP? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, PEP? I MEAN PUMPED, ENTHUSIASM, ENERGY, VERVE, PIZZAZZ, YOU 33 00:00:59,527 --> 00:01:00,137 I MEAN PUMPED, ENTHUSIASM, ENERGY, VERVE, PIZZAZZ, YOU KNOW. 34 00:01:00,161 --> 00:01:01,604 ENERGY, VERVE, PIZZAZZ, YOU KNOW. I JUST USE "PEP" AS A CATCHALL 35 00:01:01,628 --> 00:01:02,105 KNOW. I JUST USE "PEP" AS A CATCHALL PHRASE. 36 00:01:02,129 --> 00:01:03,340 I JUST USE "PEP" AS A CATCHALL PHRASE. LET'S BE BRUTALLY HONEST. 37 00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:04,874 PHRASE. LET'S BE BRUTALLY HONEST. I WANT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU 38 00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,376 LET'S BE BRUTALLY HONEST. I WANT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU TO LOOK AT ME RIGHT IN THE EYE. 39 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,945 I WANT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU TO LOOK AT ME RIGHT IN THE EYE. BILL, LOOK IN THE EYE. 40 00:01:08,969 --> 00:01:10,847 TO LOOK AT ME RIGHT IN THE EYE. BILL, LOOK IN THE EYE. CAN YOU ALL LOOK AT ME AND SAY 41 00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:12,882 BILL, LOOK IN THE EYE. CAN YOU ALL LOOK AT ME AND SAY "YES, MARY KAY, YES, I HAVE BEEN 42 00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:14,918 CAN YOU ALL LOOK AT ME AND SAY "YES, MARY KAY, YES, I HAVE BEEN AS PEPPY AS POSSIBLE THIS WEEK," 43 00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:16,053 "YES, MARY KAY, YES, I HAVE BEEN AS PEPPY AS POSSIBLE THIS WEEK," HMM? 44 00:01:16,077 --> 00:01:19,989 AS PEPPY AS POSSIBLE THIS WEEK," HMM? I, FOR ONE, CAN'T. 45 00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:20,990 HMM? I, FOR ONE, CAN'T. I'M SORRY. 46 00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:22,225 I, FOR ONE, CAN'T. I'M SORRY. WELL, I TRIED. 47 00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:24,127 I'M SORRY. WELL, I TRIED. I'VE HAD A LOT OF PERSONAL 48 00:01:24,151 --> 00:01:25,495 WELL, I TRIED. I'VE HAD A LOT OF PERSONAL PROBLEMS, MARY KAY. 49 00:01:25,519 --> 00:01:27,497 I'VE HAD A LOT OF PERSONAL PROBLEMS, MARY KAY. YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. 50 00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:29,099 PROBLEMS, MARY KAY. YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. HERE'S BELUSHI. 51 00:01:29,123 --> 00:01:31,201 YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. HERE'S BELUSHI. THANKS FOR SHOWING UP. 52 00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:33,603 HERE'S BELUSHI. THANKS FOR SHOWING UP. JOHN, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, 53 00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:36,573 THANKS FOR SHOWING UP. JOHN, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, AND WHERE HAS YOUR PEP BEEN? 54 00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:37,074 JOHN, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, AND WHERE HAS YOUR PEP BEEN? PEP? 55 00:01:37,098 --> 00:01:37,707 AND WHERE HAS YOUR PEP BEEN? PEP? MM-HMM. 56 00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:38,708 PEP? MM-HMM. DID YOU SAY PEP? 57 00:01:38,732 --> 00:01:39,742 MM-HMM. DID YOU SAY PEP? YEAH, I SAID PEP. 58 00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:40,877 DID YOU SAY PEP? YEAH, I SAID PEP. THAT'S RIGHT, JOHN. 59 00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:41,578 YEAH, I SAID PEP. THAT'S RIGHT, JOHN. SHE SAID PEP. 60 00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:42,845 THAT'S RIGHT, JOHN. SHE SAID PEP. THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT SHE 61 00:01:42,869 --> 00:01:44,914 SHE SAID PEP. THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT SHE SAID... PEP. 62 00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:46,416 THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT SHE SAID... PEP. WHY SHOULD I HAVE PEP? WHY? 63 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:47,750 SAID... PEP. WHY SHOULD I HAVE PEP? WHY? I'M FORCED TO WEAR THIS 64 00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:48,885 WHY SHOULD I HAVE PEP? WHY? I'M FORCED TO WEAR THIS CHEERLEADER OUTFIT. 65 00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:50,087 I'M FORCED TO WEAR THIS CHEERLEADER OUTFIT. IT'S A STUPID OUTFIT. 66 00:01:50,111 --> 00:01:51,688 CHEERLEADER OUTFIT. IT'S A STUPID OUTFIT. I HATE THIS WHOLE CHEERLEADER 67 00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:52,355 IT'S A STUPID OUTFIT. I HATE THIS WHOLE CHEERLEADER METAPHOR. 68 00:01:52,379 --> 00:01:52,855 I HATE THIS WHOLE CHEERLEADER METAPHOR. OH. 69 00:01:52,879 --> 00:01:54,424 METAPHOR. OH. WHO THOUGHT OF THIS IDEA, 70 00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:56,126 OH. WHO THOUGHT OF THIS IDEA, ANYWAY... DANNY? 71 00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:57,527 WHO THOUGHT OF THIS IDEA, ANYWAY... DANNY? IT WAS MY IDEA. 72 00:01:57,551 --> 00:01:59,629 ANYWAY... DANNY? IT WAS MY IDEA. BUT THE NETWORK MADE ME DO IT. 73 00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:01,164 IT WAS MY IDEA. BUT THE NETWORK MADE ME DO IT. I THINK IT WAS A GOOD IDEA. 74 00:02:01,188 --> 00:02:02,632 BUT THE NETWORK MADE ME DO IT. I THINK IT WAS A GOOD IDEA. THERE REALLY ISN'T ENOUGH PEP 75 00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:04,101 I THINK IT WAS A GOOD IDEA. THERE REALLY ISN'T ENOUGH PEP AROUND HERE, JOHN, AND YOU'RE 76 00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:05,368 THERE REALLY ISN'T ENOUGH PEP AROUND HERE, JOHN, AND YOU'RE THE NUMBER-ONE OFFENDER. 77 00:02:05,392 --> 00:02:06,703 AROUND HERE, JOHN, AND YOU'RE THE NUMBER-ONE OFFENDER. YOU'VE BEEN A DISCIPLINARY 78 00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:09,072 THE NUMBER-ONE OFFENDER. YOU'VE BEEN A DISCIPLINARY PROBLEM SINCE THE SHOW BEGAN. 79 00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:10,340 YOU'VE BEEN A DISCIPLINARY PROBLEM SINCE THE SHOW BEGAN. WELL, I THINK YOU'RE BOTH 80 00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:11,040 PROBLEM SINCE THE SHOW BEGAN. WELL, I THINK YOU'RE BOTH FASCISTS. 81 00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:12,675 WELL, I THINK YOU'RE BOTH FASCISTS. THERE IS NOTHING FASCIST 82 00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:13,443 FASCISTS. THERE IS NOTHING FASCIST ABOUT PEP! 83 00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:14,978 THERE IS NOTHING FASCIST ABOUT PEP! I MEAN, YOU CAN GO TO ANY 84 00:02:15,002 --> 00:02:16,613 ABOUT PEP! I MEAN, YOU CAN GO TO ANY FASCIST COUNTRY AND THERE'S 85 00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:18,315 I MEAN, YOU CAN GO TO ANY FASCIST COUNTRY AND THERE'S HARDLY ANY PEP THERE AT ALL! 86 00:02:18,339 --> 00:02:20,484 FASCIST COUNTRY AND THERE'S HARDLY ANY PEP THERE AT ALL! YEAH. 87 00:02:20,508 --> 00:02:21,818 HARDLY ANY PEP THERE AT ALL! YEAH. LOOK, I JUST THINK THIS WHOLE 88 00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:23,086 YEAH. LOOK, I JUST THINK THIS WHOLE PEP THING IS REALLY STUPID AND 89 00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:25,922 LOOK, I JUST THINK THIS WHOLE PEP THING IS REALLY STUPID AND LAME, THAT'S ALL, OKAY? 90 00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:26,756 PEP THING IS REALLY STUPID AND LAME, THAT'S ALL, OKAY? OKAY. OKAY, FINE. 91 00:02:26,780 --> 00:02:27,924 LAME, THAT'S ALL, OKAY? OKAY. OKAY, FINE. IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU FEEL, I 92 00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:29,092 OKAY. OKAY, FINE. IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU FEEL, I WAS JUST TRYING TO DO WHAT THE 93 00:02:29,116 --> 00:02:30,026 IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU FEEL, I WAS JUST TRYING TO DO WHAT THE NETWORK ASKED ME TO DO. 94 00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:31,261 WAS JUST TRYING TO DO WHAT THE NETWORK ASKED ME TO DO. I WAS JUST TRYING TO PEP THINGS 95 00:02:31,285 --> 00:02:31,528 NETWORK ASKED ME TO DO. I WAS JUST TRYING TO PEP THINGS UP. 96 00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:33,463 I WAS JUST TRYING TO PEP THINGS UP. I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE FOR THIS 97 00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:35,265 UP. I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE FOR THIS SHOW, LACK OF PEP IS BEST. 98 00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:36,133 I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE FOR THIS SHOW, LACK OF PEP IS BEST. I'M SORRY. 99 00:02:36,157 --> 00:02:38,067 SHOW, LACK OF PEP IS BEST. I'M SORRY. I JUST WANTED TO DO A GOOD JOB. 100 00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:39,802 I'M SORRY. I JUST WANTED TO DO A GOOD JOB. NOW YOU'VE DONE IT, MAN. 101 00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:43,773 I JUST WANTED TO DO A GOOD JOB. NOW YOU'VE DONE IT, MAN. YOU MADE THE HOST CRY! 102 00:02:43,797 --> 00:02:45,842 NOW YOU'VE DONE IT, MAN. YOU MADE THE HOST CRY! GEE, I'M SORRY, MARY KAY, 103 00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:46,610 YOU MADE THE HOST CRY! GEE, I'M SORRY, MARY KAY, REALLY. 104 00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:48,478 GEE, I'M SORRY, MARY KAY, REALLY. I'M SORRY I MADE YOU CRY. 105 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,113 REALLY. I'M SORRY I MADE YOU CRY. YOU ALL RIGHT, HONEY? 106 00:02:50,137 --> 00:02:51,714 I'M SORRY I MADE YOU CRY. YOU ALL RIGHT, HONEY? YEAH, I GUESS SO. 107 00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:53,716 YOU ALL RIGHT, HONEY? YEAH, I GUESS SO. I'LL TELL YOU, MARY KAY. 108 00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:55,852 YEAH, I GUESS SO. I'LL TELL YOU, MARY KAY. MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT PEP. 109 00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:57,554 I'LL TELL YOU, MARY KAY. MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT PEP. MAYBE I HAVEN'T GIVEN PEP ENOUGH 110 00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:59,222 MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT PEP. MAYBE I HAVEN'T GIVEN PEP ENOUGH THOUGHT THESE PAST 15 YEARS OR 111 00:02:59,246 --> 00:02:59,789 MAYBE I HAVEN'T GIVEN PEP ENOUGH THOUGHT THESE PAST 15 YEARS OR SO. 112 00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:02,392 THOUGHT THESE PAST 15 YEARS OR SO. YOU KNOW, MAYBE IF EVERYBODY HAD 113 00:03:02,416 --> 00:03:04,894 SO. YOU KNOW, MAYBE IF EVERYBODY HAD A LITTLE MORE PEP, THERE WOULD 114 00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:07,430 YOU KNOW, MAYBE IF EVERYBODY HAD A LITTLE MORE PEP, THERE WOULD BE LESS SUFFERING IN THE WORLD, 115 00:03:07,454 --> 00:03:08,532 A LITTLE MORE PEP, THERE WOULD BE LESS SUFFERING IN THE WORLD, DON'T YOU THINK? 116 00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:09,566 BE LESS SUFFERING IN THE WORLD, DON'T YOU THINK? MAYBE, YEAH. 117 00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:11,268 DON'T YOU THINK? MAYBE, YEAH. SO WHAT DO YOU SAY, LET'S 118 00:03:11,292 --> 00:03:12,935 MAYBE, YEAH. SO WHAT DO YOU SAY, LET'S MAKE THIS THE PEPPIEST SHOW 119 00:03:12,959 --> 00:03:13,470 SO WHAT DO YOU SAY, LET'S MAKE THIS THE PEPPIEST SHOW EVER? 120 00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:14,837 MAKE THIS THE PEPPIEST SHOW EVER? WHAT DO YOU SAY, GANG?! 121 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:16,339 EVER? WHAT DO YOU SAY, GANG?! ALL RIGHT! LET'S DO IT! 122 00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:17,974 WHAT DO YOU SAY, GANG?! ALL RIGHT! LET'S DO IT! WHAT DO YOU SAY, MARY KAY? 123 00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:19,676 ALL RIGHT! LET'S DO IT! WHAT DO YOU SAY, MARY KAY? I SAY LET'S START THE SHOW. 124 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,044 WHAT DO YOU SAY, MARY KAY? I SAY LET'S START THE SHOW. [BLOWS WHISTLE] 125 00:03:21,068 --> 00:03:22,612 I SAY LET'S START THE SHOW. [BLOWS WHISTLE] [ALL CHEERING] 126 00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:24,636 [BLOWS WHISTLE] [ALL CHEERING] [MARCHING BAND PLAYS] 127 00:03:50,162 --> 00:03:58,162 [WHISTLE BLOWS] JOHN! JANE! 128 00:04:03,043 --> 00:04:05,589 JOHN! JANE! BILL! 129 00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:08,625 JANE! BILL! GARRETT! 130 00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:11,394 BILL! GARRETT! DANNY! 131 00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:13,463 GARRETT! DANNY! GILDA! 132 00:04:13,487 --> 00:04:16,466 DANNY! GILDA! LARAINE! 133 00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:17,234 GILDA! LARAINE! OKAY! 134 00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:19,302 LARAINE! OKAY! JUMP TO THE LEFT, JUMP TO THE 135 00:04:19,326 --> 00:04:20,069 OKAY! JUMP TO THE LEFT, JUMP TO THE RIGHT... 136 00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:21,271 JUMP TO THE LEFT, JUMP TO THE RIGHT... All: LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S 137 00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:23,306 RIGHT... All: LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"! 138 00:04:23,330 --> 00:04:26,343 All: LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 139 00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:32,782 "SATURDAY NIGHT"! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [BAND PLAYS] 140 00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:33,783 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [BAND PLAYS] Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY 141 00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:38,655 [BAND PLAYS] Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE"... 142 00:04:38,679 --> 00:04:40,799 Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE"... STARRING... 143 00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:53,191 WITH HER SPECIAL GUEST... 144 00:05:40,707 --> 00:05:44,576 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MARY KAY PLACE! 145 00:05:58,591 --> 00:06:02,539 WHOO! NOT AS YOUNG AS I USED TO BE WITH THOSE C-JUMPS. 146 00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:04,607 NOT AS YOUNG AS I USED TO BE WITH THOSE C-JUMPS. YOU KNOW, A LOT OF THINGS HAVE 147 00:06:04,631 --> 00:06:06,509 WITH THOSE C-JUMPS. YOU KNOW, A LOT OF THINGS HAVE HAPPENED TO ME THIS WEEK IN 148 00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:07,344 YOU KNOW, A LOT OF THINGS HAVE HAPPENED TO ME THIS WEEK IN NEW YORK. 149 00:06:07,368 --> 00:06:09,178 HAPPENED TO ME THIS WEEK IN NEW YORK. IT'S BEEN KIND OF A CRAZY, 150 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,280 NEW YORK. IT'S BEEN KIND OF A CRAZY, MADCAP, WACKY KIND OF WEEK FOR 151 00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:11,748 IT'S BEEN KIND OF A CRAZY, MADCAP, WACKY KIND OF WEEK FOR ME. 152 00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:13,883 MADCAP, WACKY KIND OF WEEK FOR ME. A LOT OF NEW EXPERIENCES, A LOT 153 00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:15,552 ME. A LOT OF NEW EXPERIENCES, A LOT OF NEW FEELINGS, AND SOME THAT I 154 00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:17,086 A LOT OF NEW EXPERIENCES, A LOT OF NEW FEELINGS, AND SOME THAT I THOUGHT I WANTED TO RECORD AND 155 00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:17,821 OF NEW FEELINGS, AND SOME THAT I THOUGHT I WANTED TO RECORD AND WRITE DOWN. 156 00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:19,288 THOUGHT I WANTED TO RECORD AND WRITE DOWN. KIND OF LIKE KEEPING A DIARY 157 00:06:19,312 --> 00:06:20,957 WRITE DOWN. KIND OF LIKE KEEPING A DIARY AGAIN, AND IT'S SOMETHING THAT I 158 00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:22,559 KIND OF LIKE KEEPING A DIARY AGAIN, AND IT'S SOMETHING THAT I REALLY HAVEN'T FELT THE NEED TO 159 00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:24,327 AGAIN, AND IT'S SOMETHING THAT I REALLY HAVEN'T FELT THE NEED TO DO SINCE JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL. 160 00:06:24,351 --> 00:06:26,295 REALLY HAVEN'T FELT THE NEED TO DO SINCE JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL. AND I GUESS ADOLESCENCE AND LIVE 161 00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:28,197 DO SINCE JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL. AND I GUESS ADOLESCENCE AND LIVE TELEVISION HAVE A LOT IN COMMON 162 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:29,899 AND I GUESS ADOLESCENCE AND LIVE TELEVISION HAVE A LOT IN COMMON THERE, BECAUSE THEY'RE BOTH 163 00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:31,768 TELEVISION HAVE A LOT IN COMMON THERE, BECAUSE THEY'RE BOTH POTENTIALLY VERY EMBARRASSING. 164 00:06:31,792 --> 00:06:33,403 THERE, BECAUSE THEY'RE BOTH POTENTIALLY VERY EMBARRASSING. THE LAST ENTRY IN MY DIARY 165 00:06:33,427 --> 00:06:35,638 POTENTIALLY VERY EMBARRASSING. THE LAST ENTRY IN MY DIARY BEFORE THIS WEEK WAS FEBRUARY 166 00:06:35,662 --> 00:06:36,305 THE LAST ENTRY IN MY DIARY BEFORE THIS WEEK WAS FEBRUARY 1961. 167 00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:38,475 BEFORE THIS WEEK WAS FEBRUARY 1961. NOW, THIS IS THE ACTUAL DIARY 168 00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:40,410 1961. NOW, THIS IS THE ACTUAL DIARY THAT I KEPT IN 8th GRADE. 169 00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:42,345 NOW, THIS IS THE ACTUAL DIARY THAT I KEPT IN 8th GRADE. NIGHTLY NOTES ON MY DAILY 170 00:06:42,369 --> 00:06:45,214 THAT I KEPT IN 8th GRADE. NIGHTLY NOTES ON MY DAILY DOINGS. 171 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,049 NIGHTLY NOTES ON MY DAILY DOINGS. I WILL NOW READ FROM THE 172 00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:48,351 DOINGS. I WILL NOW READ FROM THE 8th-GRADE DIARY. 173 00:06:48,375 --> 00:06:50,487 I WILL NOW READ FROM THE 8th-GRADE DIARY. IF I CAN ONLY FIND THE PLACE. 174 00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:52,255 8th-GRADE DIARY. IF I CAN ONLY FIND THE PLACE. HERE WE GO. 175 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:54,557 IF I CAN ONLY FIND THE PLACE. HERE WE GO. "DEAR DIARY, MADE AN 176 00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:57,761 HERE WE GO. "DEAR DIARY, MADE AN EXTRA-CREDIT POSTER IN ENGLISH 177 00:06:57,785 --> 00:06:58,928 "DEAR DIARY, MADE AN EXTRA-CREDIT POSTER IN ENGLISH ON COMMAS. 178 00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:00,363 EXTRA-CREDIT POSTER IN ENGLISH ON COMMAS. [LAUGHTER] 179 00:07:00,387 --> 00:07:01,765 ON COMMAS. [LAUGHTER] GUESS WHAT? 180 00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:03,400 [LAUGHTER] GUESS WHAT? GIRLS' LEADER COURSE GOING TO 181 00:07:03,424 --> 00:07:04,434 GUESS WHAT? GIRLS' LEADER COURSE GOING TO HAVE A SOCK HOP. 182 00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:06,969 GIRLS' LEADER COURSE GOING TO HAVE A SOCK HOP. NEATO, EH? 183 00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:08,738 HAVE A SOCK HOP. NEATO, EH? NATURALLY, I'D LOVE TO ASK ROB, 184 00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,573 NEATO, EH? NATURALLY, I'D LOVE TO ASK ROB, BUT HE PROBABLY WOULDN'T GO WITH 185 00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:10,973 NATURALLY, I'D LOVE TO ASK ROB, BUT HE PROBABLY WOULDN'T GO WITH ME. 186 00:07:10,997 --> 00:07:12,041 BUT HE PROBABLY WOULDN'T GO WITH ME. OH, HE'S SO CUTE. 187 00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:13,877 ME. OH, HE'S SO CUTE. I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY CREATE THEM 188 00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:15,244 OH, HE'S SO CUTE. I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY CREATE THEM LIKE THAT. 189 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,880 I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY CREATE THEM LIKE THAT. [LAUGHTER] 190 00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:18,681 LIKE THAT. [LAUGHTER] WENT SHOPPING AND FINALLY GOT A 191 00:07:18,705 --> 00:07:19,916 [LAUGHTER] WENT SHOPPING AND FINALLY GOT A CIRCLE PIN AND A NEW 192 00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,618 WENT SHOPPING AND FINALLY GOT A CIRCLE PIN AND A NEW AUTOGRAPH HOUND." 193 00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:24,554 CIRCLE PIN AND A NEW AUTOGRAPH HOUND." BLESS MY LITTLE HEART. 194 00:07:24,578 --> 00:07:28,224 AUTOGRAPH HOUND." BLESS MY LITTLE HEART. "DEAR DIARY, LOST COMMA POSTER. 195 00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:31,661 BLESS MY LITTLE HEART. "DEAR DIARY, LOST COMMA POSTER. WILL MAKE NEW ONE ON QUESTION 196 00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:35,131 "DEAR DIARY, LOST COMMA POSTER. WILL MAKE NEW ONE ON QUESTION MARKS AND SEMICOLONS. 197 00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:37,099 WILL MAKE NEW ONE ON QUESTION MARKS AND SEMICOLONS. BUT THE BIG NEWS IS THIS... I 198 00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:39,235 MARKS AND SEMICOLONS. BUT THE BIG NEWS IS THIS... I ASKED GAIL IF SHE WOULD ASK BILL 199 00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:41,337 BUT THE BIG NEWS IS THIS... I ASKED GAIL IF SHE WOULD ASK BILL IF HE WOULD ASK ROB IF HE WOULD 200 00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:43,339 ASKED GAIL IF SHE WOULD ASK BILL IF HE WOULD ASK ROB IF HE WOULD EVEN CONSIDER GOING WITH ME TO 201 00:07:43,363 --> 00:07:45,207 IF HE WOULD ASK ROB IF HE WOULD EVEN CONSIDER GOING WITH ME TO THE LEADER COURSE SOCK HOP. 202 00:07:45,231 --> 00:07:46,876 EVEN CONSIDER GOING WITH ME TO THE LEADER COURSE SOCK HOP. SHE DID, AND GUESS WHAT? 203 00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:48,277 THE LEADER COURSE SOCK HOP. SHE DID, AND GUESS WHAT? GAIL SAID THAT ROB SAID THAT 204 00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:49,813 SHE DID, AND GUESS WHAT? GAIL SAID THAT ROB SAID THAT BILL SAID... RATHER, GAIL SAID 205 00:07:49,837 --> 00:07:51,213 GAIL SAID THAT ROB SAID THAT BILL SAID... RATHER, GAIL SAID THAT BILL SAID THAT ROB SAID 206 00:07:51,237 --> 00:07:51,781 BILL SAID... RATHER, GAIL SAID THAT BILL SAID THAT ROB SAID YES. 207 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:52,315 THAT BILL SAID THAT ROB SAID YES. OH! 208 00:07:52,339 --> 00:07:54,484 YES. OH! FOUND TERRIF NEW NAIL POLISH. 209 00:07:54,508 --> 00:07:55,952 OH! FOUND TERRIF NEW NAIL POLISH. PASSIONATELY PINK. 210 00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:58,187 FOUND TERRIF NEW NAIL POLISH. PASSIONATELY PINK. GREAT IN STORE BUT THROW-UP-EY 211 00:07:58,211 --> 00:08:03,225 PASSIONATELY PINK. GREAT IN STORE BUT THROW-UP-EY AT HOME." 212 00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:05,662 GREAT IN STORE BUT THROW-UP-EY AT HOME." "DEAR DIARY, TOMORROW I AM GOING 213 00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:06,729 AT HOME." "DEAR DIARY, TOMORROW I AM GOING TO ASK ROB. 214 00:08:06,753 --> 00:08:08,598 "DEAR DIARY, TOMORROW I AM GOING TO ASK ROB. WHAT A BABE AND A HALF! 215 00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:10,767 TO ASK ROB. WHAT A BABE AND A HALF! OH, GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE MOM 216 00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:13,035 WHAT A BABE AND A HALF! OH, GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE MOM WON'T LET ME GO SEE 'PSYCHO.' 217 00:08:13,059 --> 00:08:16,739 OH, GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE MOM WON'T LET ME GO SEE 'PSYCHO.' WHAT A SPAZ." 218 00:08:16,763 --> 00:08:19,476 WON'T LET ME GO SEE 'PSYCHO.' WHAT A SPAZ." "DEAR DIARY, BABE AND A HALF MY 219 00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:21,110 WHAT A SPAZ." "DEAR DIARY, BABE AND A HALF MY FOOT. 220 00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:23,312 "DEAR DIARY, BABE AND A HALF MY FOOT. ROB CAN'T GO, AND YOU KNOW WHY? 221 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,482 FOOT. ROB CAN'T GO, AND YOU KNOW WHY? GET THIS... BILL SAYS, HE COMES 222 00:08:25,506 --> 00:08:27,717 ROB CAN'T GO, AND YOU KNOW WHY? GET THIS... BILL SAYS, HE COMES UP TO ME AND HE SAYS, 'DON'T ASK 223 00:08:27,741 --> 00:08:29,686 GET THIS... BILL SAYS, HE COMES UP TO ME AND HE SAYS, 'DON'T ASK ROB TO THE PARTY, MARY KAY, 224 00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:31,821 UP TO ME AND HE SAYS, 'DON'T ASK ROB TO THE PARTY, MARY KAY, BECAUSE HE WON'T BE ABLE TO GO 225 00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:32,655 ROB TO THE PARTY, MARY KAY, BECAUSE HE WON'T BE ABLE TO GO WITH YOU. 226 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:35,091 BECAUSE HE WON'T BE ABLE TO GO WITH YOU. HE WON'T GO WITH YOU.' 227 00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:36,793 WITH YOU. HE WON'T GO WITH YOU.' GOD, I WAS SO EMBARRASSED, I 228 00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:38,260 HE WON'T GO WITH YOU.' GOD, I WAS SO EMBARRASSED, I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE! 229 00:08:38,284 --> 00:08:41,163 GOD, I WAS SO EMBARRASSED, I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE! I MEAN, I ABOUT HAD A COW! 230 00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:42,732 THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE! I MEAN, I ABOUT HAD A COW! THAT REALLY WRECKS ME UP. 231 00:08:42,756 --> 00:08:46,068 I MEAN, I ABOUT HAD A COW! THAT REALLY WRECKS ME UP. I THINK I'LL JUST DIE." 232 00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:47,971 THAT REALLY WRECKS ME UP. I THINK I'LL JUST DIE." WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT. 233 00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:50,406 I THINK I'LL JUST DIE." WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT. PATHETIC LITTLE TEEN TRAUMA FROM 234 00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:51,474 WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT. PATHETIC LITTLE TEEN TRAUMA FROM YESTERYEAR. 235 00:08:51,498 --> 00:08:53,776 PATHETIC LITTLE TEEN TRAUMA FROM YESTERYEAR. I GUESS NONE OF US REALLY KNEW 236 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:56,145 YESTERYEAR. I GUESS NONE OF US REALLY KNEW WAY BACK THEN WHEN I WAS IN 8th 237 00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:58,515 I GUESS NONE OF US REALLY KNEW WAY BACK THEN WHEN I WAS IN 8th GRADE, AND ESPECIALLY YOU, ROB, 238 00:08:58,539 --> 00:09:00,550 WAY BACK THEN WHEN I WAS IN 8th GRADE, AND ESPECIALLY YOU, ROB, IF YOU'RE WATCHING AT HOME 239 00:09:00,574 --> 00:09:02,986 GRADE, AND ESPECIALLY YOU, ROB, IF YOU'RE WATCHING AT HOME TONIGHT, THAT SOMEDAY, THAT SAME 240 00:09:03,010 --> 00:09:05,021 IF YOU'RE WATCHING AT HOME TONIGHT, THAT SOMEDAY, THAT SAME LITTLE GAL YOU SO BRUTALLY 241 00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:07,256 TONIGHT, THAT SOMEDAY, THAT SAME LITTLE GAL YOU SO BRUTALLY REFUSED TO ESCORT TO THE SOCK 242 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,492 LITTLE GAL YOU SO BRUTALLY REFUSED TO ESCORT TO THE SOCK HOP WOULD ONE DAY BE ASKED TO 243 00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:11,193 REFUSED TO ESCORT TO THE SOCK HOP WOULD ONE DAY BE ASKED TO HOST "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" AND 244 00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:12,929 HOP WOULD ONE DAY BE ASKED TO HOST "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" AND BE PAID A PRETTY PENNY FOR IT, 245 00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:15,331 HOST "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" AND BE PAID A PRETTY PENNY FOR IT, TOO, ROB. 246 00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:16,966 BE PAID A PRETTY PENNY FOR IT, TOO, ROB. AND ANOTHER THING, ROB. 247 00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:19,002 TOO, ROB. AND ANOTHER THING, ROB. DANNY AYKROYD HAS BEEN KIND OF 248 00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:21,103 AND ANOTHER THING, ROB. DANNY AYKROYD HAS BEEN KIND OF HITTING ON ME ALL WEEK, AND NOT 249 00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:23,139 DANNY AYKROYD HAS BEEN KIND OF HITTING ON ME ALL WEEK, AND NOT UNSUCCESSFULLY. 250 00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:24,641 HITTING ON ME ALL WEEK, AND NOT UNSUCCESSFULLY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS 251 00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:26,785 UNSUCCESSFULLY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS MESSAGE. 252 00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:39,756 Announcer: NOT ALL WOMEN ARE LOOKING FOR MR. RIGHT. SOMETIMES THEY MIGHT JUST WANT A 253 00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:43,893 LOOKING FOR MR. RIGHT. SOMETIMES THEY MIGHT JUST WANT A LITTLE COMPANY FOR THE EVENING. 254 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:45,895 SOMETIMES THEY MIGHT JUST WANT A LITTLE COMPANY FOR THE EVENING. THAT'S WHY OLFAB CREATED 255 00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,597 LITTLE COMPANY FOR THE EVENING. THAT'S WHY OLFAB CREATED HEY, YOU! 256 00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:53,402 THAT'S WHY OLFAB CREATED HEY, YOU! JUST ONE WHIFF DOES THE TRICK, 257 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:54,403 HEY, YOU! JUST ONE WHIFF DOES THE TRICK, FOR THOSE OCCASIONS WHEN YOU 258 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:59,308 JUST ONE WHIFF DOES THE TRICK, FOR THOSE OCCASIONS WHEN YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO BE SUBTLE. 259 00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:03,379 FOR THOSE OCCASIONS WHEN YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO BE SUBTLE. HEY, YOU! 260 00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:05,883 CAN'T AFFORD TO BE SUBTLE. HEY, YOU! THE SCENT YOU CAN'T IGNORE. 261 00:10:12,377 --> 00:10:15,013 HEY, YOU! 262 00:10:37,870 --> 00:10:43,341 Announcer: HEY, YOU! FOR THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE YOU NEVER EXPECT TO SEE AGAIN. 263 00:10:51,083 --> 00:10:57,188 HEY, YOU! THE PERFUME FOR ONE-NIGHT STANDS. 264 00:11:24,249 --> 00:11:27,730 GOOD EVENING. WELCOME TO "MORE INSECTS TO WORRY ABOUT." 265 00:11:27,754 --> 00:11:29,331 WELCOME TO "MORE INSECTS TO WORRY ABOUT." I'M YOUR HOST, JANE CURTIN. 266 00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:30,967 WORRY ABOUT." I'M YOUR HOST, JANE CURTIN. TONIGHT'S GUEST IS A HIGHLY 267 00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:32,869 I'M YOUR HOST, JANE CURTIN. TONIGHT'S GUEST IS A HIGHLY REGARDED SPECIALIST ON DANGEROUS 268 00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:34,303 TONIGHT'S GUEST IS A HIGHLY REGARDED SPECIALIST ON DANGEROUS INSECTS... DR. HASKELL LACK. 269 00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:35,738 REGARDED SPECIALIST ON DANGEROUS INSECTS... DR. HASKELL LACK. AND HE'S MADE SOME STARTLING 270 00:11:35,762 --> 00:11:37,106 INSECTS... DR. HASKELL LACK. AND HE'S MADE SOME STARTLING DISCOVERIES CONCERNING THE 271 00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:38,675 AND HE'S MADE SOME STARTLING DISCOVERIES CONCERNING THE HORRORS LYING IN WAIT FOR US IN 272 00:11:38,699 --> 00:11:40,109 DISCOVERIES CONCERNING THE HORRORS LYING IN WAIT FOR US IN THE INSECT WORLD. 273 00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:41,644 HORRORS LYING IN WAIT FOR US IN THE INSECT WORLD. THANK YOU, JANE. 274 00:11:41,668 --> 00:11:43,980 THE INSECT WORLD. THANK YOU, JANE. I'M SURE YOUR AUDIENCE IS AWARE 275 00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:46,248 THANK YOU, JANE. I'M SURE YOUR AUDIENCE IS AWARE OF THE DANGER ALREADY POSED BY 276 00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:48,184 I'M SURE YOUR AUDIENCE IS AWARE OF THE DANGER ALREADY POSED BY SUCH INSECTS AS THE SOUTH 277 00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,053 OF THE DANGER ALREADY POSED BY SUCH INSECTS AS THE SOUTH AMERICAN KILLER BEE, THE 278 00:11:50,077 --> 00:11:52,055 SUCH INSECTS AS THE SOUTH AMERICAN KILLER BEE, THE SEVEN-YEAR LOCUST, AND THE 279 00:11:52,079 --> 00:11:53,522 AMERICAN KILLER BEE, THE SEVEN-YEAR LOCUST, AND THE TSETSE FLY AND SO ON. 280 00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:55,424 SEVEN-YEAR LOCUST, AND THE TSETSE FLY AND SO ON. BUT HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE AWARE 281 00:11:55,448 --> 00:11:57,393 TSETSE FLY AND SO ON. BUT HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE AWARE THAT IN A MATTER OF WEEKS, THE 282 00:11:57,417 --> 00:11:59,361 BUT HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE AWARE THAT IN A MATTER OF WEEKS, THE LENS BEETLE COULD INFEST EVERY 283 00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:01,064 THAT IN A MATTER OF WEEKS, THE LENS BEETLE COULD INFEST EVERY CORNER OF THIS CONTINENT? 284 00:12:01,088 --> 00:12:02,398 LENS BEETLE COULD INFEST EVERY CORNER OF THIS CONTINENT? THE LENS BEETLE? 285 00:12:02,422 --> 00:12:03,066 CORNER OF THIS CONTINENT? THE LENS BEETLE? YES. 286 00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:05,001 THE LENS BEETLE? YES. IT'S AN AFRICAN INSECT IN THE 287 00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:06,903 YES. IT'S AN AFRICAN INSECT IN THE ORDER COLEOPTERA, OFTEN CALLED 288 00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:07,870 IT'S AN AFRICAN INSECT IN THE ORDER COLEOPTERA, OFTEN CALLED THE EYESUCKER. 289 00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,806 ORDER COLEOPTERA, OFTEN CALLED THE EYESUCKER. THE INSECT'S NAME COMES FROM THE 290 00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:11,574 THE EYESUCKER. THE INSECT'S NAME COMES FROM THE FACT THAT THE PREGNANT FEMALE 291 00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:13,309 THE INSECT'S NAME COMES FROM THE FACT THAT THE PREGNANT FEMALE CAN ONLY HATCH HER EGGS WHILE 292 00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:14,877 FACT THAT THE PREGNANT FEMALE CAN ONLY HATCH HER EGGS WHILE NESTLED BETWEEN THE HUMAN 293 00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:17,914 CAN ONLY HATCH HER EGGS WHILE NESTLED BETWEEN THE HUMAN EYEBALL AND THE CONTACT LENS. 294 00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:19,182 NESTLED BETWEEN THE HUMAN EYEBALL AND THE CONTACT LENS. REALLY? 295 00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:20,850 EYEBALL AND THE CONTACT LENS. REALLY? YES, UNDER THE PROTECTIVE 296 00:12:20,874 --> 00:12:22,585 REALLY? YES, UNDER THE PROTECTIVE COVER OF THE LENS, THE FEMALE 297 00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:24,353 YES, UNDER THE PROTECTIVE COVER OF THE LENS, THE FEMALE UNLOADS HER EGGS IN A WRITHING 298 00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:26,022 COVER OF THE LENS, THE FEMALE UNLOADS HER EGGS IN A WRITHING FIT, THEN TIGHTLY WEAVES THE 299 00:12:26,046 --> 00:12:27,890 UNLOADS HER EGGS IN A WRITHING FIT, THEN TIGHTLY WEAVES THE UPPER AND LOWER LASHES TOGETHER. 300 00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:29,625 FIT, THEN TIGHTLY WEAVES THE UPPER AND LOWER LASHES TOGETHER. THE VICTIM'S EYES REMAIN SHUT 301 00:12:29,649 --> 00:12:31,493 UPPER AND LOWER LASHES TOGETHER. THE VICTIM'S EYES REMAIN SHUT FOR THE ENTIRE GESTATION PERIOD, 302 00:12:31,517 --> 00:12:33,229 THE VICTIM'S EYES REMAIN SHUT FOR THE ENTIRE GESTATION PERIOD, WHICH COULD GO ON FOR MONTHS. 303 00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:34,797 FOR THE ENTIRE GESTATION PERIOD, WHICH COULD GO ON FOR MONTHS. OH, THAT'S FASCINATING. 304 00:12:34,821 --> 00:12:36,265 WHICH COULD GO ON FOR MONTHS. OH, THAT'S FASCINATING. DO THEY ALSO MATE IN THE 305 00:12:36,289 --> 00:12:36,966 OH, THAT'S FASCINATING. DO THEY ALSO MATE IN THE EYEBALLS? 306 00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:38,434 DO THEY ALSO MATE IN THE EYEBALLS? NO. 307 00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:40,669 EYEBALLS? NO. ALL MATING IS CONDUCTED IN THE 308 00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:42,404 NO. ALL MATING IS CONDUCTED IN THE WARMTH OF THE VICTIM'S 309 00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:44,406 ALL MATING IS CONDUCTED IN THE WARMTH OF THE VICTIM'S UNDERWEAR IN A MASS RITUAL 310 00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:46,575 WARMTH OF THE VICTIM'S UNDERWEAR IN A MASS RITUAL ATTENDED BY THE ENTIRE BEETLE 311 00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:47,343 UNDERWEAR IN A MASS RITUAL ATTENDED BY THE ENTIRE BEETLE COLONY. 312 00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:49,645 ATTENDED BY THE ENTIRE BEETLE COLONY. AFTER A LONG TREK FROM THE EYES 313 00:12:49,669 --> 00:12:51,848 COLONY. AFTER A LONG TREK FROM THE EYES DOWN TO THE TORSO, THE MATURE 314 00:12:51,872 --> 00:12:54,217 AFTER A LONG TREK FROM THE EYES DOWN TO THE TORSO, THE MATURE BEETLES BEGIN THE MATING PROCESS 315 00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:56,318 DOWN TO THE TORSO, THE MATURE BEETLES BEGIN THE MATING PROCESS BY SECRETING A SUBSTANCE NOT 316 00:12:56,342 --> 00:12:59,355 BEETLES BEGIN THE MATING PROCESS BY SECRETING A SUBSTANCE NOT UNLIKE OUR OWN KRAZY GLUE... 317 00:12:59,379 --> 00:13:01,157 BY SECRETING A SUBSTANCE NOT UNLIKE OUR OWN KRAZY GLUE... WHICH SEALS THE ELASTIC EDGES OF 318 00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:02,725 UNLIKE OUR OWN KRAZY GLUE... WHICH SEALS THE ELASTIC EDGES OF THE UNDERWEAR TO THE FLESH. 319 00:13:02,749 --> 00:13:04,460 WHICH SEALS THE ELASTIC EDGES OF THE UNDERWEAR TO THE FLESH. WELL, EXCUSE ME, BUT WHY DO 320 00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:05,327 THE UNDERWEAR TO THE FLESH. WELL, EXCUSE ME, BUT WHY DO THEY DO THIS? 321 00:13:05,351 --> 00:13:06,763 WELL, EXCUSE ME, BUT WHY DO THEY DO THIS? STRICTLY FOR PRIVACY. 322 00:13:06,787 --> 00:13:08,464 THEY DO THIS? STRICTLY FOR PRIVACY. AH. 323 00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:10,233 STRICTLY FOR PRIVACY. AH. THEN THE MATING BEGINS. 324 00:13:10,257 --> 00:13:12,034 AH. THEN THE MATING BEGINS. AFTER IT'S OVER, EACH MALE 325 00:13:12,058 --> 00:13:14,170 THEN THE MATING BEGINS. AFTER IT'S OVER, EACH MALE BEETLE WILL ATTACH THEMSELF TO A 326 00:13:14,194 --> 00:13:16,172 AFTER IT'S OVER, EACH MALE BEETLE WILL ATTACH THEMSELF TO A SINGLE ABDOMINAL HAIR WITH HIS 327 00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:18,007 BEETLE WILL ATTACH THEMSELF TO A SINGLE ABDOMINAL HAIR WITH HIS CORKSCREW BEAK, THEN SIMPLY 328 00:13:18,031 --> 00:13:19,441 SINGLE ABDOMINAL HAIR WITH HIS CORKSCREW BEAK, THEN SIMPLY SPINS HIMSELF TO DEATH. 329 00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:21,277 CORKSCREW BEAK, THEN SIMPLY SPINS HIMSELF TO DEATH. THE WHIRRING CAN BE HEARD UP TO 330 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:22,211 SPINS HIMSELF TO DEATH. THE WHIRRING CAN BE HEARD UP TO 50 FEET AWAY. 331 00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:23,646 THE WHIRRING CAN BE HEARD UP TO 50 FEET AWAY. IT'S VERY EMBARRASSING. 332 00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:25,281 50 FEET AWAY. IT'S VERY EMBARRASSING. OH, THAT'S REALLY AWFUL. 333 00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:27,016 IT'S VERY EMBARRASSING. OH, THAT'S REALLY AWFUL. YEAH, THE IRONY OF THIS IS 334 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:28,818 OH, THAT'S REALLY AWFUL. YEAH, THE IRONY OF THIS IS THAT THE MALES DIE LONG BEFORE 335 00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:30,619 YEAH, THE IRONY OF THIS IS THAT THE MALES DIE LONG BEFORE GETTING AROUND TO BREAKING THE 336 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,354 THAT THE MALES DIE LONG BEFORE GETTING AROUND TO BREAKING THE SEAL THEY'VE PLACED ALONG THE 337 00:13:32,378 --> 00:13:33,823 GETTING AROUND TO BREAKING THE SEAL THEY'VE PLACED ALONG THE SEAMS OF THE UNDERPANTS. 338 00:13:33,847 --> 00:13:35,624 SEAL THEY'VE PLACED ALONG THE SEAMS OF THE UNDERPANTS. WHEN IT FINALLY DOES WEAR DOWN 339 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,393 SEAMS OF THE UNDERPANTS. WHEN IT FINALLY DOES WEAR DOWN SOME MONTHS LATER, THE FEMALES 340 00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:39,295 WHEN IT FINALLY DOES WEAR DOWN SOME MONTHS LATER, THE FEMALES GO OFF AND LAY THEIR EGGS IN THE 341 00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:39,796 SOME MONTHS LATER, THE FEMALES GO OFF AND LAY THEIR EGGS IN THE EYES. 342 00:13:39,820 --> 00:13:41,697 GO OFF AND LAY THEIR EGGS IN THE EYES. AS A SCIENTIST, I RESPECT NATURE 343 00:13:41,721 --> 00:13:42,899 EYES. AS A SCIENTIST, I RESPECT NATURE AND HER LAWS. 344 00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:45,734 AS A SCIENTIST, I RESPECT NATURE AND HER LAWS. BUT THIS MAKES ME WANT TO VOMIT. 345 00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:47,270 AND HER LAWS. BUT THIS MAKES ME WANT TO VOMIT. AND YOU SAY THESE BEETLES 346 00:13:47,294 --> 00:13:48,971 BUT THIS MAKES ME WANT TO VOMIT. AND YOU SAY THESE BEETLES WILL SOON MAKE THEIR APPEARANCE 347 00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,006 AND YOU SAY THESE BEETLES WILL SOON MAKE THEIR APPEARANCE IN NORTH AMERICA? 348 00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:51,073 WILL SOON MAKE THEIR APPEARANCE IN NORTH AMERICA? THEY'RE ALREADY 349 00:13:51,097 --> 00:13:52,374 IN NORTH AMERICA? THEY'RE ALREADY WELL-ESTABLISHED IN THE 350 00:13:52,398 --> 00:13:53,742 THEY'RE ALREADY WELL-ESTABLISHED IN THE CARIBBEAN AND ARE MOVING 351 00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:55,278 WELL-ESTABLISHED IN THE CARIBBEAN AND ARE MOVING NORTHWARD AT THE RATE OF 200 352 00:13:55,302 --> 00:13:56,045 CARIBBEAN AND ARE MOVING NORTHWARD AT THE RATE OF 200 MILES A YEAR. 353 00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:57,280 NORTHWARD AT THE RATE OF 200 MILES A YEAR. WELL, I DON'T SUPPOSE 354 00:13:57,304 --> 00:13:58,781 MILES A YEAR. WELL, I DON'T SUPPOSE INSECTICIDES WILL DO ANY GOOD? 355 00:13:58,805 --> 00:14:00,016 WELL, I DON'T SUPPOSE INSECTICIDES WILL DO ANY GOOD? DO THEY HAVE ANY NATURAL 356 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:00,582 INSECTICIDES WILL DO ANY GOOD? DO THEY HAVE ANY NATURAL ENEMIES? 357 00:14:00,606 --> 00:14:01,583 DO THEY HAVE ANY NATURAL ENEMIES? NOT A ONE, JANE. 358 00:14:01,607 --> 00:14:03,186 ENEMIES? NOT A ONE, JANE. YOU KNOW, WE HUMANS MAY NOT LIKE 359 00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:04,520 NOT A ONE, JANE. YOU KNOW, WE HUMANS MAY NOT LIKE THEM, BUT WITHIN THE INSECT 360 00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:06,022 YOU KNOW, WE HUMANS MAY NOT LIKE THEM, BUT WITHIN THE INSECT WORLD, THESE BEETLES ARE AMONG 361 00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:07,223 THEM, BUT WITHIN THE INSECT WORLD, THESE BEETLES ARE AMONG THE BEST-LIKED AND MOST 362 00:14:07,247 --> 00:14:08,891 WORLD, THESE BEETLES ARE AMONG THE BEST-LIKED AND MOST RESPECTED CREATURES AROUND. 363 00:14:08,915 --> 00:14:10,827 THE BEST-LIKED AND MOST RESPECTED CREATURES AROUND. THESE BUGS ARE COMING, JANE, AND 364 00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:12,428 RESPECTED CREATURES AROUND. THESE BUGS ARE COMING, JANE, AND WE'RE GONNA BE IN A LOT OF 365 00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:13,762 THESE BUGS ARE COMING, JANE, AND WE'RE GONNA BE IN A LOT OF TROUBLE WHEN THEY DO. 366 00:14:13,786 --> 00:14:15,698 WE'RE GONNA BE IN A LOT OF TROUBLE WHEN THEY DO. WELL, DR. LACK, SURELY WE CAN 367 00:14:15,722 --> 00:14:17,566 TROUBLE WHEN THEY DO. WELL, DR. LACK, SURELY WE CAN DEAL WITH ONE STRAIN OF BEETLE. 368 00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:19,335 WELL, DR. LACK, SURELY WE CAN DEAL WITH ONE STRAIN OF BEETLE. YOU DON'T KNOW THE HALF OF 369 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:20,069 DEAL WITH ONE STRAIN OF BEETLE. YOU DON'T KNOW THE HALF OF IT, JANE. 370 00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:21,871 YOU DON'T KNOW THE HALF OF IT, JANE. EVEN IF WE SUCCEED IN STOPPING 371 00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:23,772 IT, JANE. EVEN IF WE SUCCEED IN STOPPING THE LENS BEETLE, BY EARLY 1980, 372 00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:25,474 EVEN IF WE SUCCEED IN STOPPING THE LENS BEETLE, BY EARLY 1980, WE'LL BE SURROUNDED BY FUNNY 373 00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:25,842 THE LENS BEETLE, BY EARLY 1980, WE'LL BE SURROUNDED BY FUNNY ANTS. 374 00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:27,043 WE'LL BE SURROUNDED BY FUNNY ANTS. WELL, WE'RE VERY SHORT OF 375 00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:28,211 ANTS. WELL, WE'RE VERY SHORT OF TIME, DR. LACK, BUT COULD YOU 376 00:14:28,235 --> 00:14:29,478 WELL, WE'RE VERY SHORT OF TIME, DR. LACK, BUT COULD YOU EXPLAIN WHAT YOU MEAN BY FUNNY 377 00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:29,846 TIME, DR. LACK, BUT COULD YOU EXPLAIN WHAT YOU MEAN BY FUNNY ANTS? 378 00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:31,113 EXPLAIN WHAT YOU MEAN BY FUNNY ANTS? THE SO-CALLED FUNNY ANTS ARE 379 00:14:31,137 --> 00:14:32,448 ANTS? THE SO-CALLED FUNNY ANTS ARE GANGS OF IMMATURE BLACK ANTS WHO 380 00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:34,283 THE SO-CALLED FUNNY ANTS ARE GANGS OF IMMATURE BLACK ANTS WHO THINK THEY'RE REAL FUNNY. 381 00:14:34,307 --> 00:14:36,185 GANGS OF IMMATURE BLACK ANTS WHO THINK THEY'RE REAL FUNNY. THEY TRY TO WIN THE APPROVAL OF 382 00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:38,120 THINK THEY'RE REAL FUNNY. THEY TRY TO WIN THE APPROVAL OF OTHER INSECTS WITH ALL SORTS OF 383 00:14:38,144 --> 00:14:40,056 THEY TRY TO WIN THE APPROVAL OF OTHER INSECTS WITH ALL SORTS OF SOPHOMORIC TRICKS AND PRACTICAL 384 00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,924 OTHER INSECTS WITH ALL SORTS OF SOPHOMORIC TRICKS AND PRACTICAL JOKES, USUALLY DIRECTED TOWARD 385 00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:42,591 SOPHOMORIC TRICKS AND PRACTICAL JOKES, USUALLY DIRECTED TOWARD HUMANS. 386 00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:44,560 JOKES, USUALLY DIRECTED TOWARD HUMANS. IN THE COURSE OF MY RESEARCH, I 387 00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:46,362 HUMANS. IN THE COURSE OF MY RESEARCH, I ONCE WATCHED A COLONY OF 200 388 00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:48,297 IN THE COURSE OF MY RESEARCH, I ONCE WATCHED A COLONY OF 200 ANTS CARRYING A BAG OF DOG DOO 389 00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:50,166 ONCE WATCHED A COLONY OF 200 ANTS CARRYING A BAG OF DOG DOO FOR A DISTANCE OF SIX BLOCKS. 390 00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:51,800 ANTS CARRYING A BAG OF DOG DOO FOR A DISTANCE OF SIX BLOCKS. EXCUSE ME, DR. LACK... 391 00:14:51,824 --> 00:14:53,602 FOR A DISTANCE OF SIX BLOCKS. EXCUSE ME, DR. LACK... I WATCHED THEM LAY THE BAG AT 392 00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:55,338 EXCUSE ME, DR. LACK... I WATCHED THEM LAY THE BAG AT SOMEONE'S DOORSTEP, LIGHT IT ON 393 00:14:55,362 --> 00:14:57,139 I WATCHED THEM LAY THE BAG AT SOMEONE'S DOORSTEP, LIGHT IT ON FIRE, THEN STAND ON EACH OTHER'S 394 00:14:57,163 --> 00:14:58,841 SOMEONE'S DOORSTEP, LIGHT IT ON FIRE, THEN STAND ON EACH OTHER'S SHOULDER TILL THEY REACHED THE 395 00:14:58,865 --> 00:14:59,475 FIRE, THEN STAND ON EACH OTHER'S SHOULDER TILL THEY REACHED THE DOORBELL. 396 00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:01,077 SHOULDER TILL THEY REACHED THE DOORBELL. EXCUSE ME, DR. LACK, WE ARE 397 00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:01,878 DOORBELL. EXCUSE ME, DR. LACK, WE ARE OUT OF TIME. 398 00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:03,545 EXCUSE ME, DR. LACK, WE ARE OUT OF TIME. HAVE YOU EVER STOOD THERE AND 399 00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:05,114 OUT OF TIME. HAVE YOU EVER STOOD THERE AND BEEN LAUGHED AT BY A GROUP OF 400 00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:05,514 HAVE YOU EVER STOOD THERE AND BEEN LAUGHED AT BY A GROUP OF ANTS? 401 00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:06,682 BEEN LAUGHED AT BY A GROUP OF ANTS? YOU KNOW WHAT THAT'S LIKE? 402 00:15:06,706 --> 00:15:08,050 ANTS? YOU KNOW WHAT THAT'S LIKE? THEY'RE NOT LAUGHING WITH YOU. 403 00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:09,151 YOU KNOW WHAT THAT'S LIKE? THEY'RE NOT LAUGHING WITH YOU. THEY'RE LAUGHING AT YOU. 404 00:15:09,175 --> 00:15:10,353 THEY'RE NOT LAUGHING WITH YOU. THEY'RE LAUGHING AT YOU. THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE DOING. 405 00:15:10,377 --> 00:15:11,787 THEY'RE LAUGHING AT YOU. THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE DOING. THIS HAS BEEN ANOTHER EDITION 406 00:15:11,811 --> 00:15:12,922 THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE DOING. THIS HAS BEEN ANOTHER EDITION OF "MORE INSECTS TO WORRY 407 00:15:12,946 --> 00:15:13,389 THIS HAS BEEN ANOTHER EDITION OF "MORE INSECTS TO WORRY ABOUT." 408 00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,694 OF "MORE INSECTS TO WORRY ABOUT." THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT. 409 00:15:28,994 --> 00:15:33,175 [Southern accent] OKAY, GALS, ARE Y'ALL READY TO BEGIN CLASS? 410 00:15:33,199 --> 00:15:35,611 GALS, ARE Y'ALL READY TO BEGIN CLASS? DICKIE NELL, LURLENE, GAYVETTE, 411 00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:37,947 CLASS? DICKIE NELL, LURLENE, GAYVETTE, I WOULD JUST LIKE TO REITERATE 412 00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:40,383 DICKIE NELL, LURLENE, GAYVETTE, I WOULD JUST LIKE TO REITERATE THAT TOTAL WOMANHOOD HAS WORKED 413 00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:42,518 I WOULD JUST LIKE TO REITERATE THAT TOTAL WOMANHOOD HAS WORKED FOR ME, MARIBEL MORGAN, AND 414 00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:44,053 THAT TOTAL WOMANHOOD HAS WORKED FOR ME, MARIBEL MORGAN, AND IT WILL WORK FOR YOU. 415 00:15:44,077 --> 00:15:46,222 FOR ME, MARIBEL MORGAN, AND IT WILL WORK FOR YOU. I DO BELIEVE THAT IT IS POSSIBLE 416 00:15:46,246 --> 00:15:48,391 IT WILL WORK FOR YOU. I DO BELIEVE THAT IT IS POSSIBLE FOR ANY WIFE TO HAVE HER HUSBAND 417 00:15:48,415 --> 00:15:50,426 I DO BELIEVE THAT IT IS POSSIBLE FOR ANY WIFE TO HAVE HER HUSBAND ABSOLUTELY ADORE HER IN JUST A 418 00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,194 FOR ANY WIFE TO HAVE HER HUSBAND ABSOLUTELY ADORE HER IN JUST A FEW WEEKS' TIME IF SHE IS 419 00:15:52,218 --> 00:15:53,996 ABSOLUTELY ADORE HER IN JUST A FEW WEEKS' TIME IF SHE IS WILLING TO GIVE UP BEING A 420 00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:56,565 FEW WEEKS' TIME IF SHE IS WILLING TO GIVE UP BEING A PERSON. 421 00:15:56,589 --> 00:15:58,700 WILLING TO GIVE UP BEING A PERSON. LIKE THE GOOD BOOK SAYS, SERVE 422 00:15:58,724 --> 00:16:00,869 PERSON. LIKE THE GOOD BOOK SAYS, SERVE YOUR HUSBAND AS YOU WOULD SERVE 423 00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:01,737 LIKE THE GOOD BOOK SAYS, SERVE YOUR HUSBAND AS YOU WOULD SERVE THE LORD. 424 00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:06,375 YOUR HUSBAND AS YOU WOULD SERVE THE LORD. ONLY SERVE HIM SMALLER PORTIONS. 425 00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:07,609 THE LORD. ONLY SERVE HIM SMALLER PORTIONS. NOW, GIRLS, LET'S HAVE A 426 00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:09,045 ONLY SERVE HIM SMALLER PORTIONS. NOW, GIRLS, LET'S HAVE A PROGRESS REPORT ON HOW TOTAL 427 00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:10,446 NOW, GIRLS, LET'S HAVE A PROGRESS REPORT ON HOW TOTAL WOMANHOOD IS WORKING IN YOUR 428 00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:11,780 PROGRESS REPORT ON HOW TOTAL WOMANHOOD IS WORKING IN YOUR EACH AND INDIVIDUAL HOMES. 429 00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:12,581 WOMANHOOD IS WORKING IN YOUR EACH AND INDIVIDUAL HOMES. GAYVETTE? 430 00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:14,750 EACH AND INDIVIDUAL HOMES. GAYVETTE? OKAY, WELL, I CONCENTRATED ON 431 00:16:14,774 --> 00:16:16,685 GAYVETTE? OKAY, WELL, I CONCENTRATED ON RULE NUMBER ONE, ALWAYS LOOK 432 00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:18,854 OKAY, WELL, I CONCENTRATED ON RULE NUMBER ONE, ALWAYS LOOK YOUR LOVELIEST FOR YOUR HUSBAND. 433 00:16:18,878 --> 00:16:20,656 RULE NUMBER ONE, ALWAYS LOOK YOUR LOVELIEST FOR YOUR HUSBAND. LIKE, LAST WEEK, I GOT THE 434 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,691 YOUR LOVELIEST FOR YOUR HUSBAND. LIKE, LAST WEEK, I GOT THE UGLIEST LITTLE OLD BOIL ON THE 435 00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:23,559 LIKE, LAST WEEK, I GOT THE UGLIEST LITTLE OLD BOIL ON THE BACK OF MY NECK. 436 00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:25,094 UGLIEST LITTLE OLD BOIL ON THE BACK OF MY NECK. AND I HID IN THE BASEMENT FOR A 437 00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:26,429 BACK OF MY NECK. AND I HID IN THE BASEMENT FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS TILL IT WENT 438 00:16:26,453 --> 00:16:27,096 AND I HID IN THE BASEMENT FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS TILL IT WENT AWAY. 439 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,897 COUPLE OF DAYS TILL IT WENT AWAY. GOOD MOVE, GAYVETTE! 440 00:16:28,921 --> 00:16:31,267 AWAY. GOOD MOVE, GAYVETTE! NOW, DICKIE NELL, WHAT WERE YOU 441 00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:32,401 GOOD MOVE, GAYVETTE! NOW, DICKIE NELL, WHAT WERE YOU WORKING ON? 442 00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:34,703 NOW, DICKIE NELL, WHAT WERE YOU WORKING ON? NEVER REFUSE YOUR HUSBAND 443 00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:36,705 WORKING ON? NEVER REFUSE YOUR HUSBAND SEX, WHATEVER, WHEREVER, 444 00:16:36,729 --> 00:16:37,706 NEVER REFUSE YOUR HUSBAND SEX, WHATEVER, WHEREVER, WHENEVER. 445 00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:39,775 SEX, WHATEVER, WHEREVER, WHENEVER. NOW, AFTER MY GALLBLADDER 446 00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:41,944 WHENEVER. NOW, AFTER MY GALLBLADDER OPERATION, MY VERNE GOT SO 447 00:16:41,968 --> 00:16:44,347 NOW, AFTER MY GALLBLADDER OPERATION, MY VERNE GOT SO TURNED ON BY MY PAPER NIGHTIE 448 00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:46,849 OPERATION, MY VERNE GOT SO TURNED ON BY MY PAPER NIGHTIE THAT HE STARTED COMING ON TO ME 449 00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:48,684 TURNED ON BY MY PAPER NIGHTIE THAT HE STARTED COMING ON TO ME RIGHT IN THE HOSPITAL BED. 450 00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:50,252 THAT HE STARTED COMING ON TO ME RIGHT IN THE HOSPITAL BED. WELL, I DID NOT PROTEST, 451 00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:52,221 RIGHT IN THE HOSPITAL BED. WELL, I DID NOT PROTEST, MARIBEL, EVEN THOUGH WITHOUT MY 452 00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:54,256 WELL, I DID NOT PROTEST, MARIBEL, EVEN THOUGH WITHOUT MY GALLBLADDER, I DID NOT FEEL MUCH 453 00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,592 MARIBEL, EVEN THOUGH WITHOUT MY GALLBLADDER, I DID NOT FEEL MUCH LIKE THE TOTAL WOMAN. 454 00:16:56,616 --> 00:16:58,594 GALLBLADDER, I DID NOT FEEL MUCH LIKE THE TOTAL WOMAN. NOW, DICKIE NELL, YOU SHOULD 455 00:16:58,618 --> 00:17:00,596 LIKE THE TOTAL WOMAN. NOW, DICKIE NELL, YOU SHOULD HAVE TAKEN JUST A MOMENT OUT TO 456 00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,398 NOW, DICKIE NELL, YOU SHOULD HAVE TAKEN JUST A MOMENT OUT TO CHECK YOUR GRATITUDE METER. 457 00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:04,400 HAVE TAKEN JUST A MOMENT OUT TO CHECK YOUR GRATITUDE METER. I MEAN, WHO WAS PAYING FOR THAT 458 00:17:04,424 --> 00:17:05,601 CHECK YOUR GRATITUDE METER. I MEAN, WHO WAS PAYING FOR THAT OPERATION? 459 00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:06,869 I MEAN, WHO WAS PAYING FOR THAT OPERATION? OH, YOU'RE RIGHT. 460 00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:08,504 OPERATION? OH, YOU'RE RIGHT. MARIBEL, HONEY, I HATE TO 461 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,373 OH, YOU'RE RIGHT. MARIBEL, HONEY, I HATE TO DISTURB YOU, HONEY, BUT THE KIDS 462 00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:12,074 MARIBEL, HONEY, I HATE TO DISTURB YOU, HONEY, BUT THE KIDS AND I, WE'RE GETTING A LITTLE 463 00:17:12,098 --> 00:17:12,674 DISTURB YOU, HONEY, BUT THE KIDS AND I, WE'RE GETTING A LITTLE HUNGRY. 464 00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:14,543 AND I, WE'RE GETTING A LITTLE HUNGRY. WE'RE WONDERING WHEN WE'RE GONNA 465 00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:16,445 HUNGRY. WE'RE WONDERING WHEN WE'RE GONNA EAT. 466 00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:18,447 WE'RE WONDERING WHEN WE'RE GONNA EAT. ISN'T HE ADORABLE? 467 00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:21,150 EAT. ISN'T HE ADORABLE? NOW, HANDS OFF CHARLIE, GIRLS. 468 00:17:21,174 --> 00:17:22,618 ISN'T HE ADORABLE? NOW, HANDS OFF CHARLIE, GIRLS. HE'S ALL MINE. 469 00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:25,254 NOW, HANDS OFF CHARLIE, GIRLS. HE'S ALL MINE. LURLENE, HOW DID YOU MAKE OUT 470 00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:27,089 HE'S ALL MINE. LURLENE, HOW DID YOU MAKE OUT WITH YOUR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT? 471 00:17:27,113 --> 00:17:28,891 LURLENE, HOW DID YOU MAKE OUT WITH YOUR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT? WELL, I PRACTICED THRILLING 472 00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:30,726 WITH YOUR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT? WELL, I PRACTICED THRILLING JOE BOB AT THE FRONT DOOR IN A 473 00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:32,495 WELL, I PRACTICED THRILLING JOE BOB AT THE FRONT DOOR IN A SEXY NEW COSTUME EVERY NIGHT. 474 00:17:32,519 --> 00:17:34,397 JOE BOB AT THE FRONT DOOR IN A SEXY NEW COSTUME EVERY NIGHT. WEDNESDAY, I PUT ON THE TOP HALF 475 00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:35,898 SEXY NEW COSTUME EVERY NIGHT. WEDNESDAY, I PUT ON THE TOP HALF OF MY MAJORETTE UNIFORM. 476 00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:37,733 WEDNESDAY, I PUT ON THE TOP HALF OF MY MAJORETTE UNIFORM. THURSDAY, I GREETED HIM IN TWO 477 00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:39,435 OF MY MAJORETTE UNIFORM. THURSDAY, I GREETED HIM IN TWO DIXIE CUPS AND A HANDI WIPE. 478 00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:41,237 THURSDAY, I GREETED HIM IN TWO DIXIE CUPS AND A HANDI WIPE. AND LAST NIGHT, I WORE NOTHING 479 00:17:41,261 --> 00:17:43,005 DIXIE CUPS AND A HANDI WIPE. AND LAST NIGHT, I WORE NOTHING BUT A DRY-CLEANER'S BAG AND A 480 00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:45,574 AND LAST NIGHT, I WORE NOTHING BUT A DRY-CLEANER'S BAG AND A HEFTY-BAG TWIST AROUND MY NECK. 481 00:17:45,598 --> 00:17:47,276 BUT A DRY-CLEANER'S BAG AND A HEFTY-BAG TWIST AROUND MY NECK. AND HOW DID IT GO OVER WITH 482 00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:47,910 HEFTY-BAG TWIST AROUND MY NECK. AND HOW DID IT GO OVER WITH JOE BOB? 483 00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:49,645 AND HOW DID IT GO OVER WITH JOE BOB? WELL, HE JUST ATE IT UP WITH 484 00:17:49,669 --> 00:17:50,212 JOE BOB? WELL, HE JUST ATE IT UP WITH A FORK. 485 00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:51,480 WELL, HE JUST ATE IT UP WITH A FORK. ATTAGIRL, LURLENE. 486 00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:53,215 A FORK. ATTAGIRL, LURLENE. OKAY, NOW, WHY DON'T WE ACT OUT 487 00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:54,816 ATTAGIRL, LURLENE. OKAY, NOW, WHY DON'T WE ACT OUT THAT LITTLE TOTAL WOMAN PLAY 488 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,218 OKAY, NOW, WHY DON'T WE ACT OUT THAT LITTLE TOTAL WOMAN PLAY THAT WE DO HAVE PLANNED? 489 00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:57,653 THAT LITTLE TOTAL WOMAN PLAY THAT WE DO HAVE PLANNED? DO YOU HAVE YOUR COSTUME, 490 00:17:57,677 --> 00:17:58,354 THAT WE DO HAVE PLANNED? DO YOU HAVE YOUR COSTUME, DICKIE NELL? 491 00:17:58,378 --> 00:17:59,088 DO YOU HAVE YOUR COSTUME, DICKIE NELL? YES, I DO. 492 00:17:59,112 --> 00:17:59,922 DICKIE NELL? YES, I DO. IT'S RIGHT HERE. 493 00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:01,457 YES, I DO. IT'S RIGHT HERE. OKAY, GAYVETTE, WHY DON'T YOU 494 00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:02,824 IT'S RIGHT HERE. OKAY, GAYVETTE, WHY DON'T YOU PLAY THE PART OF THE HUSBAND? 495 00:18:02,848 --> 00:18:05,027 OKAY, GAYVETTE, WHY DON'T YOU PLAY THE PART OF THE HUSBAND? GOOD, YOU GOT THE HAT. 496 00:18:05,051 --> 00:18:06,662 PLAY THE PART OF THE HUSBAND? GOOD, YOU GOT THE HAT. OKAY, FABULOUS. 497 00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:08,697 GOOD, YOU GOT THE HAT. OKAY, FABULOUS. YOU LOOK WONDERFUL. 498 00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:10,999 OKAY, FABULOUS. YOU LOOK WONDERFUL. THANK YOU. 499 00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:14,670 YOU LOOK WONDERFUL. THANK YOU. OH, WHOO! 500 00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:16,172 THANK YOU. OH, WHOO! ALL RIGHT. 501 00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:20,076 OH, WHOO! ALL RIGHT. SAVE MY DRESS. 502 00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:23,179 ALL RIGHT. SAVE MY DRESS. ALL RIGHT. 503 00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:25,414 SAVE MY DRESS. ALL RIGHT. HONEY, I'M HOME. 504 00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:28,317 ALL RIGHT. HONEY, I'M HOME. OH, MY LORD AND MASTER. 505 00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:31,587 HONEY, I'M HOME. OH, MY LORD AND MASTER. I MISSED YOU TERRIBLY. 506 00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:32,888 OH, MY LORD AND MASTER. I MISSED YOU TERRIBLY. HOW WAS YOUR DAY? 507 00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:34,990 I MISSED YOU TERRIBLY. HOW WAS YOUR DAY? WELL, IT WAS HELL OUT THERE. 508 00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:35,791 HOW WAS YOUR DAY? WELL, IT WAS HELL OUT THERE. I'M BEAT. 509 00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:37,960 WELL, IT WAS HELL OUT THERE. I'M BEAT. OH, WELL, HONEY, HAVE A SEAT. 510 00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:40,028 I'M BEAT. OH, WELL, HONEY, HAVE A SEAT. LOOK, I BROUGHT YOU YOUR PIPE, 511 00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:42,164 OH, WELL, HONEY, HAVE A SEAT. LOOK, I BROUGHT YOU YOUR PIPE, AND I BROUGHT YOU YOUR SLIPPERS, 512 00:18:42,188 --> 00:18:44,300 LOOK, I BROUGHT YOU YOUR PIPE, AND I BROUGHT YOU YOUR SLIPPERS, AND HERE'S THE NEWSPAPER OPENED 513 00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:46,102 AND I BROUGHT YOU YOUR SLIPPERS, AND HERE'S THE NEWSPAPER OPENED TO THE SPORTS SECTION, AND 514 00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:48,170 AND HERE'S THE NEWSPAPER OPENED TO THE SPORTS SECTION, AND HERE'S YOUR FAVORITE DRINK. 515 00:18:48,194 --> 00:18:50,939 TO THE SPORTS SECTION, AND HERE'S YOUR FAVORITE DRINK. WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT, THAT'S A 516 00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,541 HERE'S YOUR FAVORITE DRINK. WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT, THAT'S A REAL SEXY GETUP. 517 00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:55,010 WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT, THAT'S A REAL SEXY GETUP. AND THAT DOG COLLAR MAKES ME 518 00:18:55,034 --> 00:18:56,245 REAL SEXY GETUP. AND THAT DOG COLLAR MAKES ME HOT. 519 00:18:56,269 --> 00:19:01,217 AND THAT DOG COLLAR MAKES ME HOT. OH! 520 00:19:01,241 --> 00:19:03,352 HOT. OH! OH, WELL, SNOOKUMS, I JUST PUT 521 00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:05,521 OH! OH, WELL, SNOOKUMS, I JUST PUT ALL THE LITTLE CHILDREN TO BED 522 00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:07,723 OH, WELL, SNOOKUMS, I JUST PUT ALL THE LITTLE CHILDREN TO BED EARLY SO WE COULD HAVE SOME HOT 523 00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:08,290 ALL THE LITTLE CHILDREN TO BED EARLY SO WE COULD HAVE SOME HOT FUN. 524 00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:10,359 EARLY SO WE COULD HAVE SOME HOT FUN. OOH-WHEE, THAT SOUNDS LIKE 525 00:19:10,383 --> 00:19:10,926 FUN. OOH-WHEE, THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN! 526 00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:13,195 OOH-WHEE, THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN! WHERE SHOULD WE HAVE IT TONIGHT? 527 00:19:13,219 --> 00:19:15,631 FUN! WHERE SHOULD WE HAVE IT TONIGHT? WELL... 528 00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:18,033 WHERE SHOULD WE HAVE IT TONIGHT? WELL... HOW ABOUT ON THE BAR, UNDER THE 529 00:19:18,057 --> 00:19:19,335 WELL... HOW ABOUT ON THE BAR, UNDER THE STUFFED MARLIN? 530 00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:21,437 HOW ABOUT ON THE BAR, UNDER THE STUFFED MARLIN? YAHOO! WHAT A GREAT IDEA TO 531 00:19:21,461 --> 00:19:24,140 STUFFED MARLIN? YAHOO! WHAT A GREAT IDEA TO PERK UP OUR MARRIAGE! 532 00:19:24,164 --> 00:19:28,410 YAHOO! WHAT A GREAT IDEA TO PERK UP OUR MARRIAGE! VERY GOOD, GIRLS. VERY GOOD. 533 00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:30,479 PERK UP OUR MARRIAGE! VERY GOOD, GIRLS. VERY GOOD. LURLENE, DO YOU HAVE ANY 534 00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:31,380 VERY GOOD, GIRLS. VERY GOOD. LURLENE, DO YOU HAVE ANY COMMENTS? 535 00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:33,115 LURLENE, DO YOU HAVE ANY COMMENTS? WELL, I DIDN'T FEEL 536 00:19:33,139 --> 00:19:35,117 COMMENTS? WELL, I DIDN'T FEEL DICKIE NELL WAS OBSEQUIOUS 537 00:19:35,141 --> 00:19:35,684 WELL, I DIDN'T FEEL DICKIE NELL WAS OBSEQUIOUS ENOUGH. 538 00:19:35,708 --> 00:19:36,352 DICKIE NELL WAS OBSEQUIOUS ENOUGH. I'M SORRY. 539 00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:37,553 ENOUGH. I'M SORRY. OH, THAT'S VERY... 540 00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:38,987 I'M SORRY. OH, THAT'S VERY... DICKIE NELL... GOOD POINT. 541 00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:40,456 OH, THAT'S VERY... DICKIE NELL... GOOD POINT. PLEASE BRUSH UP ON YOUR 542 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:41,524 DICKIE NELL... GOOD POINT. PLEASE BRUSH UP ON YOUR GROVELING, OKAY? 543 00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:42,591 PLEASE BRUSH UP ON YOUR GROVELING, OKAY? YES, I WILL. 544 00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:44,493 GROVELING, OKAY? YES, I WILL. ALL RIGHT, THAT IS ENOUGH FOR 545 00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:45,528 YES, I WILL. ALL RIGHT, THAT IS ENOUGH FOR TONIGHT, GIRLS. 546 00:19:45,552 --> 00:19:47,463 ALL RIGHT, THAT IS ENOUGH FOR TONIGHT, GIRLS. I THINK WE SHOULD ALL JOIN HANDS 547 00:19:47,487 --> 00:19:52,868 TONIGHT, GIRLS. I THINK WE SHOULD ALL JOIN HANDS IN OUR TOTAL WOMAN DEVOTIONAL. 548 00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:55,737 I THINK WE SHOULD ALL JOIN HANDS IN OUR TOTAL WOMAN DEVOTIONAL. OH, LORD, IN TIMES OF TEARFUL 549 00:19:55,761 --> 00:19:58,274 IN OUR TOTAL WOMAN DEVOTIONAL. OH, LORD, IN TIMES OF TEARFUL STRIFE, DRY UP OUR DUCTS. 550 00:19:58,298 --> 00:20:01,410 OH, LORD, IN TIMES OF TEARFUL STRIFE, DRY UP OUR DUCTS. WHENSOEVER WE SHOULD FEEL TIRED, 551 00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:04,280 STRIFE, DRY UP OUR DUCTS. WHENSOEVER WE SHOULD FEEL TIRED, ENABLE US TO SMILE, EVEN WHEN 552 00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:06,615 WHENSOEVER WE SHOULD FEEL TIRED, ENABLE US TO SMILE, EVEN WHEN OUR BODIES NEED IRON. 553 00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:07,849 ENABLE US TO SMILE, EVEN WHEN OUR BODIES NEED IRON. AMEN, AMEN. 554 00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:10,018 OUR BODIES NEED IRON. AMEN, AMEN. AND WHENSOEVER OUR LITTLE 555 00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:12,254 AMEN, AMEN. AND WHENSOEVER OUR LITTLE HUBBIES SHOULD JUST COME HOME 556 00:20:12,278 --> 00:20:14,557 AND WHENSOEVER OUR LITTLE HUBBIES SHOULD JUST COME HOME DRUNKER THAN A SKUNK WITH FIVE 557 00:20:14,581 --> 00:20:16,992 HUBBIES SHOULD JUST COME HOME DRUNKER THAN A SKUNK WITH FIVE OF HIS ARMY FRIENDS AND WANTS US 558 00:20:17,016 --> 00:20:19,428 DRUNKER THAN A SKUNK WITH FIVE OF HIS ARMY FRIENDS AND WANTS US TO WHIP UP A LITTLE SIRLOIN TIP, 559 00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:21,530 OF HIS ARMY FRIENDS AND WANTS US TO WHIP UP A LITTLE SIRLOIN TIP, THEN PLEASE, THOU RENEW OUR 560 00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,165 TO WHIP UP A LITTLE SIRLOIN TIP, THEN PLEASE, THOU RENEW OUR VALIUM PRESCRIPTION. 561 00:20:23,189 --> 00:20:25,601 THEN PLEASE, THOU RENEW OUR VALIUM PRESCRIPTION. AND, LORD, LET IT BE NOT 5s, BUT 562 00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:26,602 VALIUM PRESCRIPTION. AND, LORD, LET IT BE NOT 5s, BUT 10s. 563 00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:28,586 AND, LORD, LET IT BE NOT 5s, BUT 10s. All: AMEN! 564 00:20:41,106 --> 00:20:45,254 NOW HERE'S A GOOD OL' BOY I THINK YOU'RE GONNA LIKE... WILLIE NELSON! 565 00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:46,689 THINK YOU'RE GONNA LIKE... WILLIE NELSON! [PLAYING INTRO TO 566 00:20:46,713 --> 00:20:51,159 WILLIE NELSON! [PLAYING INTRO TO "WHISKEY RIVER"] 567 00:20:51,183 --> 00:20:52,994 [PLAYING INTRO TO "WHISKEY RIVER"] ♪ WHISKEY RIVER, TAKE MY 568 00:20:53,018 --> 00:20:55,631 ["WHISKEY RIVER"] ♪ WHISKEY RIVER, TAKE MY MIND ♪ 569 00:20:55,655 --> 00:20:57,433 ♪ WHISKEY RIVER, TAKE MY MIND ♪ ♪ AND DON'T LET HER MEMORY 570 00:20:57,457 --> 00:21:01,503 MIND ♪ ♪ AND DON'T LET HER MEMORY TORTURE ME ♪ 571 00:21:01,527 --> 00:21:03,239 ♪ AND DON'T LET HER MEMORY TORTURE ME ♪ ♪ WHISKEY RIVER, DON'T RUN 572 00:21:03,263 --> 00:21:06,007 TORTURE ME ♪ ♪ WHISKEY RIVER, DON'T RUN DRY ♪ 573 00:21:06,031 --> 00:21:07,976 ♪ WHISKEY RIVER, DON'T RUN DRY ♪ ♪ YOU'RE ALL I GOT, TAKE CARE OF 574 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:11,547 DRY ♪ ♪ YOU'RE ALL I GOT, TAKE CARE OF ME ♪ 575 00:21:11,571 --> 00:21:15,884 ♪ YOU'RE ALL I GOT, TAKE CARE OF ME ♪ ♪ WHISKEY RIVER, TAKE MY MIND ♪ 576 00:21:15,908 --> 00:21:17,353 ME ♪ ♪ WHISKEY RIVER, TAKE MY MIND ♪ ♪ AND DON'T LET HER MEMORY 577 00:21:17,377 --> 00:21:21,290 ♪ WHISKEY RIVER, TAKE MY MIND ♪ ♪ AND DON'T LET HER MEMORY TORTURE ME ♪ 578 00:21:21,314 --> 00:21:26,027 ♪ AND DON'T LET HER MEMORY TORTURE ME ♪ ♪ WHISKEY RIVER, DON'T RUN DRY ♪ 579 00:21:26,051 --> 00:21:28,063 TORTURE ME ♪ ♪ WHISKEY RIVER, DON'T RUN DRY ♪ ♪ YOU'RE ALL I GOT, TAKE CARE OF 580 00:21:28,087 --> 00:21:33,369 ♪ WHISKEY RIVER, DON'T RUN DRY ♪ ♪ YOU'RE ALL I GOT, TAKE CARE OF ME ♪ 581 00:21:33,393 --> 00:21:35,837 ♪ YOU'RE ALL I GOT, TAKE CARE OF ME ♪ ♪ I'M DROWNING IN A WHISKEY 582 00:21:35,861 --> 00:21:38,674 ME ♪ ♪ I'M DROWNING IN A WHISKEY RIVER ♪ 583 00:21:38,698 --> 00:21:40,976 ♪ I'M DROWNING IN A WHISKEY RIVER ♪ ♪ BATHING MY MEMORIED MIND 584 00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:45,481 RIVER ♪ ♪ BATHING MY MEMORIED MIND IN THE WETNESS OF ITS SOUL ♪ 585 00:21:45,505 --> 00:21:47,949 ♪ BATHING MY MEMORIED MIND IN THE WETNESS OF ITS SOUL ♪ ♪ FEELING THE AMBER CURRENT 586 00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:51,820 IN THE WETNESS OF ITS SOUL ♪ ♪ FEELING THE AMBER CURRENT FLOWING FROM MY MIND ♪ 587 00:21:51,844 --> 00:21:53,922 ♪ FEELING THE AMBER CURRENT FLOWING FROM MY MIND ♪ ♪ AND WARM AN EMPTY HEART YOU 588 00:21:53,946 --> 00:21:56,292 FLOWING FROM MY MIND ♪ ♪ AND WARM AN EMPTY HEART YOU LEFT SO COLD ♪ 589 00:21:56,316 --> 00:22:01,196 ♪ AND WARM AN EMPTY HEART YOU LEFT SO COLD ♪ ♪ WHISKEY RIVER, TAKE MY MIND ♪ 590 00:22:01,220 --> 00:22:02,598 LEFT SO COLD ♪ ♪ WHISKEY RIVER, TAKE MY MIND ♪ ♪ AND DON'T LET HER MEMORY 591 00:22:02,622 --> 00:22:06,669 ♪ WHISKEY RIVER, TAKE MY MIND ♪ ♪ AND DON'T LET HER MEMORY TORTURE ME ♪ 592 00:22:06,693 --> 00:22:11,540 ♪ AND DON'T LET HER MEMORY TORTURE ME ♪ ♪ WHISKEY RIVER, DON'T RUN DRY ♪ 593 00:22:11,564 --> 00:22:13,776 TORTURE ME ♪ ♪ WHISKEY RIVER, DON'T RUN DRY ♪ ♪ YOU'RE ALL I GOT, TAKE CARE OF 594 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:16,520 ♪ WHISKEY RIVER, DON'T RUN DRY ♪ ♪ YOU'RE ALL I GOT, TAKE CARE OF ME ♪ 595 00:22:57,141 --> 00:23:05,141 ♪ WHISKEY RIVER, TAKE MY MIND ♪ ♪ AND DON'T LET HER MEMORY TORTURE ME ♪ 596 00:23:07,387 --> 00:23:12,368 ♪ AND DON'T LET HER MEMORY TORTURE ME ♪ ♪ WHISKEY RIVER, DON'T RUN DRY ♪ 597 00:23:12,392 --> 00:23:14,302 TORTURE ME ♪ ♪ WHISKEY RIVER, DON'T RUN DRY ♪ ♪ YOU'RE ALL I GOT, TAKE CARE OF 598 00:23:14,326 --> 00:23:20,776 ♪ WHISKEY RIVER, DON'T RUN DRY ♪ ♪ YOU'RE ALL I GOT, TAKE CARE OF ME ♪ 599 00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:24,312 ♪ YOU'RE ALL I GOT, TAKE CARE OF ME ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 600 00:23:24,336 --> 00:23:26,181 ME ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 601 00:23:26,205 --> 00:23:27,883 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THANK YOU VERY MUCH. [PLAYING INTRO TO 602 00:23:27,907 --> 00:23:31,387 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. [PLAYING INTRO TO "BLUE EYES CRYIN' IN THE RAIN"] 603 00:23:31,411 --> 00:23:37,393 [PLAYING INTRO TO "BLUE EYES CRYIN' IN THE RAIN"] ♪ IN THE TWILIGHT GLOW, I SEE 604 00:23:37,417 --> 00:23:42,698 ["BLUE EYES CRYIN' IN THE RAIN"] ♪ IN THE TWILIGHT GLOW, I SEE HER ♪ 605 00:23:42,722 --> 00:23:50,722 ♪ IN THE TWILIGHT GLOW, I SEE HER ♪ ♪ BLUE EYES CRYIN' IN THE RAIN ♪ 606 00:23:53,299 --> 00:23:58,313 HER ♪ ♪ BLUE EYES CRYIN' IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ AND WHEN WE KISSED GOODBYE AND 607 00:23:58,337 --> 00:24:03,919 ♪ BLUE EYES CRYIN' IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ AND WHEN WE KISSED GOODBYE AND PARTED ♪ 608 00:24:03,943 --> 00:24:09,357 ♪ AND WHEN WE KISSED GOODBYE AND PARTED ♪ ♪ I KNEW THAT WE'D NEVER MEET 609 00:24:09,381 --> 00:24:15,330 PARTED ♪ ♪ I KNEW THAT WE'D NEVER MEET AGAIN ♪ 610 00:24:15,354 --> 00:24:23,354 ♪ I KNEW THAT WE'D NEVER MEET AGAIN ♪ ♪ LOVE IS LIKE A DYING EMBER ♪ 611 00:24:25,965 --> 00:24:33,965 AGAIN ♪ ♪ LOVE IS LIKE A DYING EMBER ♪ ♪ ONLY MEMORIES REMAIN ♪ 612 00:24:35,875 --> 00:24:40,956 ♪ LOVE IS LIKE A DYING EMBER ♪ ♪ ONLY MEMORIES REMAIN ♪ ♪ AND THROUGH THE AGES, I'LL 613 00:24:40,980 --> 00:24:46,394 ♪ ONLY MEMORIES REMAIN ♪ ♪ AND THROUGH THE AGES, I'LL REMEMBER ♪ 614 00:24:46,418 --> 00:24:52,790 ♪ AND THROUGH THE AGES, I'LL REMEMBER ♪ ♪ BLUE EYES CRYIN' IN THE RAIN ♪ 615 00:25:38,703 --> 00:25:46,703 ♪ SOME DAY, WHEN WE MEET UP YONDER ♪ ♪ WE'LL STROLL HAND IN HAND 616 00:25:51,617 --> 00:25:56,765 YONDER ♪ ♪ WE'LL STROLL HAND IN HAND AGAIN ♪ 617 00:25:56,789 --> 00:26:01,003 ♪ WE'LL STROLL HAND IN HAND AGAIN ♪ ♪ IN A LAND THAT KNOWS NO 618 00:26:01,027 --> 00:26:06,642 AGAIN ♪ ♪ IN A LAND THAT KNOWS NO PARTING ♪ 619 00:26:06,666 --> 00:26:13,103 ♪ IN A LAND THAT KNOWS NO PARTING ♪ ♪ BLUE EYES CRYIN' IN THE RAIN ♪ 620 00:26:16,641 --> 00:26:21,478 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THANK YOU. 621 00:26:28,219 --> 00:26:32,834 TONIGHT ON "WEEKEND UPDATE," ANWAR SADAT BRUSHES UP ON JEWISH EXPRESSIONS. 622 00:26:32,858 --> 00:26:34,469 ANWAR SADAT BRUSHES UP ON JEWISH EXPRESSIONS. THIS AND MORE ON "WEEKEND 623 00:26:34,493 --> 00:26:39,675 EXPRESSIONS. THIS AND MORE ON "WEEKEND UPDATE," COMING UP NEXT. 624 00:26:39,699 --> 00:26:41,476 THIS AND MORE ON "WEEKEND UPDATE," COMING UP NEXT. Announcer: AND NOW, "WEEKEND 625 00:26:41,500 --> 00:26:42,978 UPDATE," COMING UP NEXT. Announcer: AND NOW, "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH THE "WEEKEND 626 00:26:43,002 --> 00:26:44,145 Announcer: AND NOW, "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH THE "WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM. 627 00:26:44,169 --> 00:26:45,647 UPDATE" WITH THE "WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM. HERE ARE CO-ANCHORPERSONS 628 00:26:45,671 --> 00:26:47,315 UPDATE" NEWS TEAM. HERE ARE CO-ANCHORPERSONS DAN AYKROYD AND JANE CURTIN. 629 00:26:47,339 --> 00:26:48,550 HERE ARE CO-ANCHORPERSONS DAN AYKROYD AND JANE CURTIN. GOOD EVENING, I'M 630 00:26:48,574 --> 00:26:50,351 DAN AYKROYD AND JANE CURTIN. GOOD EVENING, I'M DAN AYKROYD, AND SITTING IN FOR 631 00:26:50,375 --> 00:26:51,319 GOOD EVENING, I'M DAN AYKROYD, AND SITTING IN FOR JANE CURTIN... 632 00:26:51,343 --> 00:26:53,388 DAN AYKROYD, AND SITTING IN FOR JANE CURTIN... IS JANE CURTIN. 633 00:26:53,412 --> 00:26:55,057 JANE CURTIN... IS JANE CURTIN. OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT, UNDER A 634 00:26:55,081 --> 00:26:56,558 IS JANE CURTIN. OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT, UNDER A FEDERAL GOVERNMENT PRISONER 635 00:26:56,582 --> 00:26:58,126 OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT, UNDER A FEDERAL GOVERNMENT PRISONER EXCHANGE TREATY WITH MEXICO, 636 00:26:58,150 --> 00:26:59,861 FEDERAL GOVERNMENT PRISONER EXCHANGE TREATY WITH MEXICO, AMERICANS IN MEXICAN PRISONS ARE 637 00:26:59,885 --> 00:27:01,463 EXCHANGE TREATY WITH MEXICO, AMERICANS IN MEXICAN PRISONS ARE BEING SENT BACK TO PRISONS IN 638 00:27:01,487 --> 00:27:02,564 AMERICANS IN MEXICAN PRISONS ARE BEING SENT BACK TO PRISONS IN THE UNITED STATES. 639 00:27:02,588 --> 00:27:04,032 BEING SENT BACK TO PRISONS IN THE UNITED STATES. THE FIRST GROUP ARRIVED IN 640 00:27:04,056 --> 00:27:05,767 THE UNITED STATES. THE FIRST GROUP ARRIVED IN CALIFORNIA YESTERDAY, IN KEEPING 641 00:27:05,791 --> 00:27:07,435 THE FIRST GROUP ARRIVED IN CALIFORNIA YESTERDAY, IN KEEPING WITH THE GOODWILL AND SPIRIT OF 642 00:27:07,459 --> 00:27:08,470 CALIFORNIA YESTERDAY, IN KEEPING WITH THE GOODWILL AND SPIRIT OF THE HOLIDAY SEASON. 643 00:27:08,494 --> 00:27:09,938 WITH THE GOODWILL AND SPIRIT OF THE HOLIDAY SEASON. THE U.S. IS SENDING MEXICO AN 644 00:27:09,962 --> 00:27:11,439 THE HOLIDAY SEASON. THE U.S. IS SENDING MEXICO AN EQUAL NUMBER OF SANTA CLAUSES, 645 00:27:11,463 --> 00:27:12,975 THE U.S. IS SENDING MEXICO AN EQUAL NUMBER OF SANTA CLAUSES, WHO WILL BE THROWN INTO MEXICAN 646 00:27:12,999 --> 00:27:16,812 EQUAL NUMBER OF SANTA CLAUSES, WHO WILL BE THROWN INTO MEXICAN PRISONS IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS. 647 00:27:16,836 --> 00:27:18,080 WHO WILL BE THROWN INTO MEXICAN PRISONS IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS. EGYPTIAN PRESIDENT 648 00:27:18,104 --> 00:27:19,715 PRISONS IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS. EGYPTIAN PRESIDENT ANWAR AL-SADAT THIS WEEK 649 00:27:19,739 --> 00:27:21,717 EGYPTIAN PRESIDENT ANWAR AL-SADAT THIS WEEK ATTACKED ARAB-NATION CRITICS OF 650 00:27:21,741 --> 00:27:23,284 ANWAR AL-SADAT THIS WEEK ATTACKED ARAB-NATION CRITICS OF HIS ISRAELI PEACE PROPOSALS. 651 00:27:23,308 --> 00:27:24,886 ATTACKED ARAB-NATION CRITICS OF HIS ISRAELI PEACE PROPOSALS. HE SAID THOSE WHO ARE CASTING 652 00:27:24,910 --> 00:27:26,588 HIS ISRAELI PEACE PROPOSALS. HE SAID THOSE WHO ARE CASTING DOUBTS ON WHAT IS HAPPENING ARE 653 00:27:26,612 --> 00:27:27,155 HE SAID THOSE WHO ARE CASTING DOUBTS ON WHAT IS HAPPENING ARE DWARFS. 654 00:27:27,179 --> 00:27:28,790 DOUBTS ON WHAT IS HAPPENING ARE DWARFS. SADAT IS SHOWN HERE ADDRESSING 655 00:27:28,814 --> 00:27:32,961 DWARFS. SADAT IS SHOWN HERE ADDRESSING HIS CRITICS FACE-TO-FACE. 656 00:27:32,985 --> 00:27:34,763 SADAT IS SHOWN HERE ADDRESSING HIS CRITICS FACE-TO-FACE. AFTER 14 YEARS OF CONTROVERSY, 657 00:27:34,787 --> 00:27:36,665 HIS CRITICS FACE-TO-FACE. AFTER 14 YEARS OF CONTROVERSY, AMERICANS STILL AREN'T SATISFIED 658 00:27:36,689 --> 00:27:38,166 AFTER 14 YEARS OF CONTROVERSY, AMERICANS STILL AREN'T SATISFIED THAT WE HAVE AN ACCURATE 659 00:27:38,190 --> 00:27:39,467 AMERICANS STILL AREN'T SATISFIED THAT WE HAVE AN ACCURATE UNDERSTANDING ON HOW 660 00:27:39,491 --> 00:27:40,802 THAT WE HAVE AN ACCURATE UNDERSTANDING ON HOW PRESIDENT KENNEDY DIED. 661 00:27:40,826 --> 00:27:42,504 UNDERSTANDING ON HOW PRESIDENT KENNEDY DIED. ADMITTING THAT THEY MIGHT NEED 662 00:27:42,528 --> 00:27:44,239 PRESIDENT KENNEDY DIED. ADMITTING THAT THEY MIGHT NEED ADDITIONAL OUTSIDE HELP IN THIS 663 00:27:44,263 --> 00:27:45,741 ADMITTING THAT THEY MIGHT NEED ADDITIONAL OUTSIDE HELP IN THIS INVESTIGATION, THE CIA HAS 664 00:27:45,765 --> 00:27:47,408 ADDITIONAL OUTSIDE HELP IN THIS INVESTIGATION, THE CIA HAS APPEALED, ODDLY ENOUGH, TO THE 665 00:27:47,432 --> 00:27:49,310 INVESTIGATION, THE CIA HAS APPEALED, ODDLY ENOUGH, TO THE COMMITTEE WHO CONDUCTED A RECENT 666 00:27:49,334 --> 00:27:51,079 APPEALED, ODDLY ENOUGH, TO THE COMMITTEE WHO CONDUCTED A RECENT INQUEST OF THE STEVE BIKO CASE 667 00:27:51,103 --> 00:27:52,681 COMMITTEE WHO CONDUCTED A RECENT INQUEST OF THE STEVE BIKO CASE IN PRETORIA, SOUTH AFRICA. 668 00:27:52,705 --> 00:27:54,582 INQUEST OF THE STEVE BIKO CASE IN PRETORIA, SOUTH AFRICA. THEIR FINDINGS... JOHN KENNEDY 669 00:27:54,606 --> 00:27:56,118 IN PRETORIA, SOUTH AFRICA. THEIR FINDINGS... JOHN KENNEDY DIED OF NATURAL CAUSES. 670 00:27:56,142 --> 00:27:57,485 THEIR FINDINGS... JOHN KENNEDY DIED OF NATURAL CAUSES. HIS HEAD WOUNDS WERE 671 00:27:57,509 --> 00:27:58,720 DIED OF NATURAL CAUSES. HIS HEAD WOUNDS WERE SELF-INFLICTED AND 672 00:27:58,744 --> 00:28:00,455 HIS HEAD WOUNDS WERE SELF-INFLICTED AND LEE HARVEY OSWALD DIED AS A 673 00:28:00,479 --> 00:28:02,157 SELF-INFLICTED AND LEE HARVEY OSWALD DIED AS A RESULT OF A HUNGER STRIKE, 674 00:28:02,181 --> 00:28:03,759 LEE HARVEY OSWALD DIED AS A RESULT OF A HUNGER STRIKE, CLEARING THE DALLAS POLICE 675 00:28:03,783 --> 00:28:05,493 RESULT OF A HUNGER STRIKE, CLEARING THE DALLAS POLICE DEPARTMENT OF NEGLIGENCE, AS 676 00:28:05,517 --> 00:28:06,795 CLEARING THE DALLAS POLICE DEPARTMENT OF NEGLIGENCE, AS ORIGINALLY REPORTED. 677 00:28:06,819 --> 00:28:08,363 DEPARTMENT OF NEGLIGENCE, AS ORIGINALLY REPORTED. THANK GOD NOW WE HAVE THE 678 00:28:08,387 --> 00:28:10,331 ORIGINALLY REPORTED. THANK GOD NOW WE HAVE THE ANSWERS, DAN. 679 00:28:10,355 --> 00:28:11,633 THANK GOD NOW WE HAVE THE ANSWERS, DAN. I'LL SAY, JANE. 680 00:28:11,657 --> 00:28:13,902 ANSWERS, DAN. I'LL SAY, JANE. WELL, NBC IS REVIVING THAT 681 00:28:13,926 --> 00:28:16,304 I'LL SAY, JANE. WELL, NBC IS REVIVING THAT CLASSIC COMEDY OF YESTERYEAR 682 00:28:16,328 --> 00:28:17,739 WELL, NBC IS REVIVING THAT CLASSIC COMEDY OF YESTERYEAR "THE AMOS 'N ANDY SHOW." 683 00:28:17,763 --> 00:28:19,541 CLASSIC COMEDY OF YESTERYEAR "THE AMOS 'N ANDY SHOW." THE TV PROGRAM HAD BEEN CANCELED 684 00:28:19,565 --> 00:28:20,909 "THE AMOS 'N ANDY SHOW." THE TV PROGRAM HAD BEEN CANCELED IN THE LATE 1950s DUE TO 685 00:28:20,933 --> 00:28:22,644 THE TV PROGRAM HAD BEEN CANCELED IN THE LATE 1950s DUE TO OBJECTIONS FROM BLACK-PRESSURE 686 00:28:22,668 --> 00:28:23,145 IN THE LATE 1950s DUE TO OBJECTIONS FROM BLACK-PRESSURE GROUPS. 687 00:28:23,169 --> 00:28:24,646 OBJECTIONS FROM BLACK-PRESSURE GROUPS. BUT THE NETWORK NOW FEELS THAT 688 00:28:24,670 --> 00:28:26,014 GROUPS. BUT THE NETWORK NOW FEELS THAT THE NEW SHOW HAS CHANGED THE 689 00:28:26,038 --> 00:28:27,582 BUT THE NETWORK NOW FEELS THAT THE NEW SHOW HAS CHANGED THE DEROGATORY RACIAL STEREOTYPES TO 690 00:28:27,606 --> 00:28:29,117 THE NEW SHOW HAS CHANGED THE DEROGATORY RACIAL STEREOTYPES TO PROJECT A POSITIVE IMAGE OF THE 691 00:28:29,141 --> 00:28:31,186 DEROGATORY RACIAL STEREOTYPES TO PROJECT A POSITIVE IMAGE OF THE AFRO-AMERICAN COMMUNITY. 692 00:28:31,210 --> 00:28:32,988 PROJECT A POSITIVE IMAGE OF THE AFRO-AMERICAN COMMUNITY. THE SERIES IS RETITLED "TO BE 693 00:28:33,012 --> 00:28:34,556 AFRO-AMERICAN COMMUNITY. THE SERIES IS RETITLED "TO BE YOUNG, BLACK, GIFTED, AND 694 00:28:34,580 --> 00:28:36,024 THE SERIES IS RETITLED "TO BE YOUNG, BLACK, GIFTED, AND FUNNY." 695 00:28:36,048 --> 00:28:37,759 YOUNG, BLACK, GIFTED, AND FUNNY." AMOS, A TYPICAL BLACK BRAIN 696 00:28:37,783 --> 00:28:39,594 FUNNY." AMOS, A TYPICAL BLACK BRAIN SURGEON, AND ANDY, A GULLIBLE 697 00:28:39,618 --> 00:28:41,362 AMOS, A TYPICAL BLACK BRAIN SURGEON, AND ANDY, A GULLIBLE OLYMPIC SWIMMING COACH, FALL 698 00:28:41,386 --> 00:28:43,331 SURGEON, AND ANDY, A GULLIBLE OLYMPIC SWIMMING COACH, FALL EASY PREY TO THE GET-RICH-QUICK 699 00:28:43,355 --> 00:28:45,266 OLYMPIC SWIMMING COACH, FALL EASY PREY TO THE GET-RICH-QUICK SCHEMES OF THE KINGFISH, A WILY 700 00:28:45,290 --> 00:28:48,336 EASY PREY TO THE GET-RICH-QUICK SCHEMES OF THE KINGFISH, A WILY WALL STREET INVESTMENT BROKER. 701 00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:49,871 SCHEMES OF THE KINGFISH, A WILY WALL STREET INVESTMENT BROKER. ONE MAJOR CHANGE... CALHOUN, THE 702 00:28:49,895 --> 00:28:51,372 WALL STREET INVESTMENT BROKER. ONE MAJOR CHANGE... CALHOUN, THE IDEALISTIC CIVIL-RIGHTS LAWYER, 703 00:28:51,396 --> 00:28:52,708 ONE MAJOR CHANGE... CALHOUN, THE IDEALISTIC CIVIL-RIGHTS LAWYER, IS NOW A WOMAN, AND WILL BE 704 00:28:52,732 --> 00:28:54,076 IDEALISTIC CIVIL-RIGHTS LAWYER, IS NOW A WOMAN, AND WILL BE PLAYED BY OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN 705 00:28:54,100 --> 00:28:55,476 IS NOW A WOMAN, AND WILL BE PLAYED BY OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN WITH SHOE POLISH ALL OVER HER 706 00:28:55,500 --> 00:28:58,146 PLAYED BY OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN WITH SHOE POLISH ALL OVER HER FACE. 707 00:28:58,170 --> 00:28:59,247 WITH SHOE POLISH ALL OVER HER FACE. IN A RELATED STORY, BLACK 708 00:28:59,271 --> 00:29:00,515 FACE. IN A RELATED STORY, BLACK PANTHER CO-FOUNDER HUEY NEWTON 709 00:29:00,539 --> 00:29:01,783 IN A RELATED STORY, BLACK PANTHER CO-FOUNDER HUEY NEWTON SPOKE TO REPORTERS AND OFFERED 710 00:29:01,807 --> 00:29:02,984 PANTHER CO-FOUNDER HUEY NEWTON SPOKE TO REPORTERS AND OFFERED INTERESTING INSIGHT INTO THE 711 00:29:03,008 --> 00:29:04,152 SPOKE TO REPORTERS AND OFFERED INTERESTING INSIGHT INTO THE BLACK MOVEMENT OF THE '60s, 712 00:29:04,176 --> 00:29:05,453 INTERESTING INSIGHT INTO THE BLACK MOVEMENT OF THE '60s, STATING THAT ORIGINALLY, THE 713 00:29:05,477 --> 00:29:06,922 BLACK MOVEMENT OF THE '60s, STATING THAT ORIGINALLY, THE PANTHERS WERE GOING TO BE CALLED 714 00:29:06,946 --> 00:29:08,356 STATING THAT ORIGINALLY, THE PANTHERS WERE GOING TO BE CALLED THE DUCKS, AN ORGANIZATION THAT 715 00:29:08,380 --> 00:29:09,490 PANTHERS WERE GOING TO BE CALLED THE DUCKS, AN ORGANIZATION THAT HUEY CO-FOUNDED WITH HIS 716 00:29:09,514 --> 00:29:10,959 THE DUCKS, AN ORGANIZATION THAT HUEY CO-FOUNDED WITH HIS BROTHERS LOUIE, DEWIE, AND UNCLE 717 00:29:10,983 --> 00:29:12,961 HUEY CO-FOUNDED WITH HIS BROTHERS LOUIE, DEWIE, AND UNCLE DONALD. 718 00:29:12,985 --> 00:29:14,662 BROTHERS LOUIE, DEWIE, AND UNCLE DONALD. AND THERE'S THAT PICTURE WE WERE 719 00:29:14,686 --> 00:29:15,430 DONALD. AND THERE'S THAT PICTURE WE WERE WAITING FOR. 720 00:29:15,454 --> 00:29:17,298 AND THERE'S THAT PICTURE WE WERE WAITING FOR. LOUIE, DEWIE, UNCLE DONALD. 721 00:29:17,322 --> 00:29:18,166 WAITING FOR. LOUIE, DEWIE, UNCLE DONALD. DUCK BIRD. 722 00:29:18,190 --> 00:29:19,567 LOUIE, DEWIE, UNCLE DONALD. DUCK BIRD. REMEMBER DUCK BIRD? 723 00:29:19,591 --> 00:29:20,335 DUCK BIRD. REMEMBER DUCK BIRD? THE BEAGLE BOYS. 724 00:29:20,359 --> 00:29:23,404 REMEMBER DUCK BIRD? THE BEAGLE BOYS. I SURE DO, DAN. 725 00:29:23,428 --> 00:29:25,640 THE BEAGLE BOYS. I SURE DO, DAN. OUR NEXT STORY... 726 00:29:25,664 --> 00:29:31,546 I SURE DO, DAN. OUR NEXT STORY... CALL FOR GARRETT MORRIS! 727 00:29:31,570 --> 00:29:39,570 OUR NEXT STORY... CALL FOR GARRETT MORRIS! CALL FOR GARRETT MORRIS! 728 00:29:41,013 --> 00:29:42,124 CALL FOR GARRETT MORRIS! CALL FOR GARRETT MORRIS! [CLEARS THROAT] 729 00:29:42,148 --> 00:29:43,424 CALL FOR GARRETT MORRIS! [CLEARS THROAT] AN ATLANTA, GEORGIA, 730 00:29:43,448 --> 00:29:45,060 [CLEARS THROAT] AN ATLANTA, GEORGIA, UROLOGIST HAS ANNOUNCED THAT AN 731 00:29:45,084 --> 00:29:46,427 AN ATLANTA, GEORGIA, UROLOGIST HAS ANNOUNCED THAT AN OPERATION TO REATTACH THE 732 00:29:46,451 --> 00:29:47,863 UROLOGIST HAS ANNOUNCED THAT AN OPERATION TO REATTACH THE SEVERED PENIS OF A COLLEGE 733 00:29:47,887 --> 00:29:49,197 OPERATION TO REATTACH THE SEVERED PENIS OF A COLLEGE STUDENT WAS A SUCCESS. 734 00:29:49,221 --> 00:29:50,799 SEVERED PENIS OF A COLLEGE STUDENT WAS A SUCCESS. THE LUCKY STUDENT REPORTEDLY 735 00:29:50,823 --> 00:29:52,500 STUDENT WAS A SUCCESS. THE LUCKY STUDENT REPORTEDLY COMMENTED THAT HE'S GLAD TO BE 736 00:29:52,524 --> 00:29:54,269 THE LUCKY STUDENT REPORTEDLY COMMENTED THAT HE'S GLAD TO BE BACK IN SCHOOL AND ABLE TO CRAM 737 00:29:54,293 --> 00:29:59,941 COMMENTED THAT HE'S GLAD TO BE BACK IN SCHOOL AND ABLE TO CRAM FOR HIS MIDTERM EXAMS. 738 00:29:59,965 --> 00:30:01,243 BACK IN SCHOOL AND ABLE TO CRAM FOR HIS MIDTERM EXAMS. NOW HERE'S CORRESPONDENT 739 00:30:01,267 --> 00:30:02,811 FOR HIS MIDTERM EXAMS. NOW HERE'S CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN WITH A SPECIAL 740 00:30:02,835 --> 00:30:04,112 NOW HERE'S CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN WITH A SPECIAL REPORT ON LIE DETECTION. 741 00:30:04,136 --> 00:30:05,513 LARAINE NEWMAN WITH A SPECIAL REPORT ON LIE DETECTION. LARAINE? 742 00:30:05,537 --> 00:30:06,982 REPORT ON LIE DETECTION. LARAINE? THANK YOU, JANE. 743 00:30:07,006 --> 00:30:08,449 LARAINE? THANK YOU, JANE. AT OHIO UNIVERSITY, 744 00:30:08,473 --> 00:30:10,718 THANK YOU, JANE. AT OHIO UNIVERSITY, ROGER E. BENNETT HAS PROVEN THAT 745 00:30:10,742 --> 00:30:12,854 AT OHIO UNIVERSITY, ROGER E. BENNETT HAS PROVEN THAT SPLIT-SECOND FACIAL EXPRESSIONS 746 00:30:12,878 --> 00:30:15,023 ROGER E. BENNETT HAS PROVEN THAT SPLIT-SECOND FACIAL EXPRESSIONS KNOWN AS MICROMOMENTARIES OCCUR 747 00:30:15,047 --> 00:30:17,159 SPLIT-SECOND FACIAL EXPRESSIONS KNOWN AS MICROMOMENTARIES OCCUR AT THE PRECISE MOMENT A PERSON 748 00:30:17,183 --> 00:30:18,359 KNOWN AS MICROMOMENTARIES OCCUR AT THE PRECISE MOMENT A PERSON IS TELLING A LIE. 749 00:30:18,383 --> 00:30:19,928 AT THE PRECISE MOMENT A PERSON IS TELLING A LIE. HE SAYS HE CAN CATCH THE 750 00:30:19,952 --> 00:30:21,797 IS TELLING A LIE. HE SAYS HE CAN CATCH THE EXPRESSIONS ON VIDEOTAPE, AND 751 00:30:21,821 --> 00:30:23,665 HE SAYS HE CAN CATCH THE EXPRESSIONS ON VIDEOTAPE, AND CONSEQUENTLY, CATCH A LIAR IN 752 00:30:23,689 --> 00:30:25,667 EXPRESSIONS ON VIDEOTAPE, AND CONSEQUENTLY, CATCH A LIAR IN THE ACT OF LYING BY SPOTTING THE 753 00:30:25,691 --> 00:30:27,235 CONSEQUENTLY, CATCH A LIAR IN THE ACT OF LYING BY SPOTTING THE ALMOST INVISIBLE FACIAL 754 00:30:27,259 --> 00:30:28,536 THE ACT OF LYING BY SPOTTING THE ALMOST INVISIBLE FACIAL EXPRESSIONS. 755 00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:30,471 ALMOST INVISIBLE FACIAL EXPRESSIONS. RIGHT NOW, I SHALL DEMONSTRATE. 756 00:30:30,495 --> 00:30:32,407 EXPRESSIONS. RIGHT NOW, I SHALL DEMONSTRATE. I WILL MAKE A STATEMENT AND SEE 757 00:30:32,431 --> 00:30:34,176 RIGHT NOW, I SHALL DEMONSTRATE. I WILL MAKE A STATEMENT AND SEE IF YOU CAN DETECT THE FACIAL 758 00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:36,044 I WILL MAKE A STATEMENT AND SEE IF YOU CAN DETECT THE FACIAL EXPRESSION THAT TELLS YOU I AM 759 00:30:36,068 --> 00:30:37,913 IF YOU CAN DETECT THE FACIAL EXPRESSION THAT TELLS YOU I AM LYING. 760 00:30:37,937 --> 00:30:42,717 EXPRESSION THAT TELLS YOU I AM LYING. I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME TONIGHT. 761 00:30:42,741 --> 00:30:44,686 LYING. I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME TONIGHT. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE EVER 762 00:30:44,710 --> 00:30:48,589 I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME TONIGHT. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE EVER DONE ANYTHING LIKE THIS. 763 00:30:48,613 --> 00:30:50,258 THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE EVER DONE ANYTHING LIKE THIS. THAT WAS A LOVELY COLOGNE YOU 764 00:30:50,282 --> 00:30:52,994 DONE ANYTHING LIKE THIS. THAT WAS A LOVELY COLOGNE YOU WERE WEARING. 765 00:30:53,018 --> 00:30:55,096 THAT WAS A LOVELY COLOGNE YOU WERE WEARING. AND THAT WAS CERTAINLY A 766 00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:59,467 WERE WEARING. AND THAT WAS CERTAINLY A DELICIOUS DINNER. 767 00:30:59,491 --> 00:31:00,802 AND THAT WAS CERTAINLY A DELICIOUS DINNER. I KNOW YOU DIDN'T NOTICE 768 00:31:00,826 --> 00:31:02,337 DELICIOUS DINNER. I KNOW YOU DIDN'T NOTICE ANYTHING TO GIVE AWAY MY TRUE 769 00:31:02,361 --> 00:31:03,805 I KNOW YOU DIDN'T NOTICE ANYTHING TO GIVE AWAY MY TRUE FEELINGS, BUT MR. BENNETT'S 770 00:31:03,829 --> 00:31:05,273 ANYTHING TO GIVE AWAY MY TRUE FEELINGS, BUT MR. BENNETT'S VIDEOTAPE METHOD WOULD HAVE 771 00:31:05,297 --> 00:31:06,407 FEELINGS, BUT MR. BENNETT'S VIDEOTAPE METHOD WOULD HAVE REVEALED THEM TO YOU 772 00:31:06,431 --> 00:31:07,175 VIDEOTAPE METHOD WOULD HAVE REVEALED THEM TO YOU IMMEDIATELY. 773 00:31:07,199 --> 00:31:09,311 REVEALED THEM TO YOU IMMEDIATELY. JANE? 774 00:31:09,335 --> 00:31:16,451 IMMEDIATELY. JANE? ADLAI STEVENSON. 775 00:31:16,475 --> 00:31:18,920 JANE? ADLAI STEVENSON. IN MADRID LAST WEEK, 776 00:31:18,944 --> 00:31:20,856 ADLAI STEVENSON. IN MADRID LAST WEEK, KING JUAN CARLOS... 777 00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:21,556 IN MADRID LAST WEEK, KING JUAN CARLOS... EXCUSE ME. 778 00:31:21,580 --> 00:31:23,058 KING JUAN CARLOS... EXCUSE ME. ISSUED A ROYAL DECREE WHICH 779 00:31:23,082 --> 00:31:24,659 EXCUSE ME. ISSUED A ROYAL DECREE WHICH ABOLISHED ALL FILM CENSORSHIP 780 00:31:24,683 --> 00:31:25,861 ISSUED A ROYAL DECREE WHICH ABOLISHED ALL FILM CENSORSHIP AND PAVED THE WAY FOR 781 00:31:25,885 --> 00:31:27,495 ABOLISHED ALL FILM CENSORSHIP AND PAVED THE WAY FOR ESTABLISHMENT OF SPAIN'S FIRST 782 00:31:27,519 --> 00:31:28,763 AND PAVED THE WAY FOR ESTABLISHMENT OF SPAIN'S FIRST X-RATED MOVIE INDUSTRY. 783 00:31:28,787 --> 00:31:30,165 ESTABLISHMENT OF SPAIN'S FIRST X-RATED MOVIE INDUSTRY. REACTION FROM OTHER SPANISH 784 00:31:30,189 --> 00:31:31,532 X-RATED MOVIE INDUSTRY. REACTION FROM OTHER SPANISH OFFICIALS WAS INSTANT AND 785 00:31:31,556 --> 00:31:32,734 REACTION FROM OTHER SPANISH OFFICIALS WAS INSTANT AND WIDESPREAD, EXCEPT FOR 786 00:31:32,758 --> 00:31:34,336 OFFICIALS WAS INSTANT AND WIDESPREAD, EXCEPT FOR GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO, 787 00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:35,937 WIDESPREAD, EXCEPT FOR GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO, WHO AFTER ALMOST TWO YEARS, WAS 788 00:31:35,961 --> 00:31:37,239 GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO, WHO AFTER ALMOST TWO YEARS, WAS STILL TOO DEAD TO MAKE A 789 00:31:37,263 --> 00:31:40,108 WHO AFTER ALMOST TWO YEARS, WAS STILL TOO DEAD TO MAKE A STATEMENT. 790 00:31:40,132 --> 00:31:41,877 STILL TOO DEAD TO MAKE A STATEMENT. WELL, DESPITE WHAT WE MAY BE LED 791 00:31:41,901 --> 00:31:43,644 STATEMENT. WELL, DESPITE WHAT WE MAY BE LED TO BELIEVE, THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS 792 00:31:43,668 --> 00:31:45,113 WELL, DESPITE WHAT WE MAY BE LED TO BELIEVE, THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS THAT BLEAK BEHIND THE IRON 793 00:31:45,137 --> 00:31:45,680 TO BELIEVE, THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS THAT BLEAK BEHIND THE IRON CURTAIN. 794 00:31:45,704 --> 00:31:47,282 THAT BLEAK BEHIND THE IRON CURTAIN. THERE WAS A FESTIVE CELEBRATION 795 00:31:47,306 --> 00:31:49,017 CURTAIN. THERE WAS A FESTIVE CELEBRATION YESTERDAY IN VOLNEG, BULGARIA, 796 00:31:49,041 --> 00:31:50,752 THERE WAS A FESTIVE CELEBRATION YESTERDAY IN VOLNEG, BULGARIA, WHERE THE WINNER OF THE BALKAN 797 00:31:50,776 --> 00:31:52,487 YESTERDAY IN VOLNEG, BULGARIA, WHERE THE WINNER OF THE BALKAN INTERNATIONAL FANCY-DRESS BALL 798 00:31:52,511 --> 00:31:54,322 WHERE THE WINNER OF THE BALKAN INTERNATIONAL FANCY-DRESS BALL CLAIMED HIS PRIZE... TWO TONS OF 799 00:31:54,346 --> 00:31:58,226 INTERNATIONAL FANCY-DRESS BALL CLAIMED HIS PRIZE... TWO TONS OF UNCUT BEEF JERKY. 800 00:31:58,250 --> 00:32:00,528 CLAIMED HIS PRIZE... TWO TONS OF UNCUT BEEF JERKY. LAST WEEK, ERIC SEVAREID, WHO 801 00:32:00,552 --> 00:32:02,663 UNCUT BEEF JERKY. LAST WEEK, ERIC SEVAREID, WHO GAVE NIGHTLY EDITORIALS ON THE 802 00:32:02,687 --> 00:32:04,832 LAST WEEK, ERIC SEVAREID, WHO GAVE NIGHTLY EDITORIALS ON THE CBS EVENING NEWS FOR 14 YEARS, 803 00:32:04,856 --> 00:32:06,701 GAVE NIGHTLY EDITORIALS ON THE CBS EVENING NEWS FOR 14 YEARS, RETIRED FROM THAT PROGRAM 804 00:32:06,725 --> 00:32:08,469 CBS EVENING NEWS FOR 14 YEARS, RETIRED FROM THAT PROGRAM BECAUSE HE REACHED CBS'S 805 00:32:08,493 --> 00:32:10,705 RETIRED FROM THAT PROGRAM BECAUSE HE REACHED CBS'S MANDATORY RETIREMENT AGE OF 65. 806 00:32:10,729 --> 00:32:12,440 BECAUSE HE REACHED CBS'S MANDATORY RETIREMENT AGE OF 65. TONIGHT, MR. SEVAREID ASKED IF 807 00:32:12,464 --> 00:32:14,242 MANDATORY RETIREMENT AGE OF 65. TONIGHT, MR. SEVAREID ASKED IF HE COULD BE ON "WEEKEND UPDATE" 808 00:32:14,266 --> 00:32:15,911 TONIGHT, MR. SEVAREID ASKED IF HE COULD BE ON "WEEKEND UPDATE" TO GIVE ONE LAST EDITORIAL ON 809 00:32:15,935 --> 00:32:16,912 HE COULD BE ON "WEEKEND UPDATE" TO GIVE ONE LAST EDITORIAL ON THE QUESTION OF 810 00:32:16,936 --> 00:32:19,981 TO GIVE ONE LAST EDITORIAL ON THE QUESTION OF MANDATORY-RETIREMENT AGE. 811 00:32:20,005 --> 00:32:21,482 THE QUESTION OF MANDATORY-RETIREMENT AGE. WHILE IT MAY NOT BE TRUE THAT 812 00:32:21,506 --> 00:32:22,817 MANDATORY-RETIREMENT AGE. WHILE IT MAY NOT BE TRUE THAT JUST AS YOU CANNOT TEACH OLD 813 00:32:22,841 --> 00:32:24,252 WHILE IT MAY NOT BE TRUE THAT JUST AS YOU CANNOT TEACH OLD DOGS NEW TRICKS, SO YOU CANNOT 814 00:32:24,276 --> 00:32:25,553 JUST AS YOU CANNOT TEACH OLD DOGS NEW TRICKS, SO YOU CANNOT TEACH A GENERATION OF YOUNG 815 00:32:25,577 --> 00:32:26,821 DOGS NEW TRICKS, SO YOU CANNOT TEACH A GENERATION OF YOUNG VIDEO ADDICTS TO READ. 816 00:32:26,845 --> 00:32:28,290 TEACH A GENERATION OF YOUNG VIDEO ADDICTS TO READ. THERE IS NO SMALL AGREEMENT 817 00:32:28,314 --> 00:32:29,991 VIDEO ADDICTS TO READ. THERE IS NO SMALL AGREEMENT AMONG EDUCATORS THAT TELEVISION 818 00:32:30,015 --> 00:32:31,559 THERE IS NO SMALL AGREEMENT AMONG EDUCATORS THAT TELEVISION HAS REPLACED THE PRINTED WORD 819 00:32:31,583 --> 00:32:32,827 AMONG EDUCATORS THAT TELEVISION HAS REPLACED THE PRINTED WORD AND THAT McLUHAN'S GLOBAL 820 00:32:32,851 --> 00:32:34,129 HAS REPLACED THE PRINTED WORD AND THAT McLUHAN'S GLOBAL VILLAGE IS, IF NOT TOTALLY 821 00:32:34,153 --> 00:32:35,630 AND THAT McLUHAN'S GLOBAL VILLAGE IS, IF NOT TOTALLY ILLITERATE, THEN CERTAINLY LESS 822 00:32:35,654 --> 00:32:37,032 VILLAGE IS, IF NOT TOTALLY ILLITERATE, THEN CERTAINLY LESS LITERATE THAN THE WORLD THAT 823 00:32:37,056 --> 00:32:40,468 ILLITERATE, THEN CERTAINLY LESS LITERATE THAN THE WORLD THAT EXISTED BEFORE TELEVISION. 824 00:32:40,492 --> 00:32:43,939 LITERATE THAN THE WORLD THAT EXISTED BEFORE TELEVISION. WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN? 825 00:32:43,963 --> 00:32:45,440 EXISTED BEFORE TELEVISION. WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN? IT MEANS THAT A MAJORITY OF 826 00:32:45,464 --> 00:32:46,874 WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN? IT MEANS THAT A MAJORITY OF AMERICANS BORN AFTER A WAR 827 00:32:46,898 --> 00:32:48,443 IT MEANS THAT A MAJORITY OF AMERICANS BORN AFTER A WAR FOUGHT TO PRESERVE FREEDOM OF 828 00:32:48,467 --> 00:32:49,945 AMERICANS BORN AFTER A WAR FOUGHT TO PRESERVE FREEDOM OF THE PRESS CANNOT FOLLOW THE 829 00:32:49,969 --> 00:32:51,379 FOUGHT TO PRESERVE FREEDOM OF THE PRESS CANNOT FOLLOW THE WORDS, PHRASES, SENTENCES, 830 00:32:51,403 --> 00:32:52,780 THE PRESS CANNOT FOLLOW THE WORDS, PHRASES, SENTENCES, CLAUSES, AND AWKWARD SPEECH 831 00:32:52,804 --> 00:32:54,182 WORDS, PHRASES, SENTENCES, CLAUSES, AND AWKWARD SPEECH PATTERNS OF A 65-YEAR-OLD 832 00:32:54,206 --> 00:32:55,783 CLAUSES, AND AWKWARD SPEECH PATTERNS OF A 65-YEAR-OLD BROADCAST JOURNALIST GEARED TO 833 00:32:55,807 --> 00:32:57,518 PATTERNS OF A 65-YEAR-OLD BROADCAST JOURNALIST GEARED TO LITERARY CONSTRUCTIONS OF AN ERA 834 00:32:57,542 --> 00:33:02,123 BROADCAST JOURNALIST GEARED TO LITERARY CONSTRUCTIONS OF AN ERA GONE BY. 835 00:33:02,147 --> 00:33:03,858 LITERARY CONSTRUCTIONS OF AN ERA GONE BY. MANDATORY-RETIREMENT AGE IS NOT 836 00:33:03,882 --> 00:33:05,226 GONE BY. MANDATORY-RETIREMENT AGE IS NOT REALLY A QUESTION HERE. 837 00:33:05,250 --> 00:33:06,727 MANDATORY-RETIREMENT AGE IS NOT REALLY A QUESTION HERE. WILLIAM PALEY, THE MAN WHO 838 00:33:06,751 --> 00:33:08,463 REALLY A QUESTION HERE. WILLIAM PALEY, THE MAN WHO ULTIMATELY MADE THE DECISION TO 839 00:33:08,487 --> 00:33:10,198 WILLIAM PALEY, THE MAN WHO ULTIMATELY MADE THE DECISION TO RETIRE ME, IS MY ELDER, AND YET 840 00:33:10,222 --> 00:33:11,799 ULTIMATELY MADE THE DECISION TO RETIRE ME, IS MY ELDER, AND YET CONTINUES TO CHAIR ON THE CBS 841 00:33:11,823 --> 00:33:13,501 RETIRE ME, IS MY ELDER, AND YET CONTINUES TO CHAIR ON THE CBS BOARD, PERHAPS THE VERY REASON 842 00:33:13,525 --> 00:33:15,236 CONTINUES TO CHAIR ON THE CBS BOARD, PERHAPS THE VERY REASON THE NETWORK FINDS ITSELF IN THE 843 00:33:15,260 --> 00:33:16,938 BOARD, PERHAPS THE VERY REASON THE NETWORK FINDS ITSELF IN THE EMBARRASSING POSITION OF THIRD 844 00:33:16,962 --> 00:33:20,608 THE NETWORK FINDS ITSELF IN THE EMBARRASSING POSITION OF THIRD AMONG THREE. 845 00:33:20,632 --> 00:33:22,344 EMBARRASSING POSITION OF THIRD AMONG THREE. WHAT IS A QUESTION IS MY 846 00:33:22,368 --> 00:33:24,012 AMONG THREE. WHAT IS A QUESTION IS MY RELATIVE VIABILITY AS A 847 00:33:24,036 --> 00:33:25,313 WHAT IS A QUESTION IS MY RELATIVE VIABILITY AS A TELEVISION JOURNALIST. 848 00:33:25,337 --> 00:33:26,914 RELATIVE VIABILITY AS A TELEVISION JOURNALIST. SOME ARGUE THAT I OFTEN MAKE 849 00:33:26,938 --> 00:33:28,450 TELEVISION JOURNALIST. SOME ARGUE THAT I OFTEN MAKE PERFECT SENSE, ILLUMINATING 850 00:33:28,474 --> 00:33:30,018 SOME ARGUE THAT I OFTEN MAKE PERFECT SENSE, ILLUMINATING SUBTLE NUANCES OF CONJECTURE 851 00:33:30,042 --> 00:33:31,719 PERFECT SENSE, ILLUMINATING SUBTLE NUANCES OF CONJECTURE UPON THE GREAT PROBLEMS OF THE 852 00:33:31,743 --> 00:33:32,153 SUBTLE NUANCES OF CONJECTURE UPON THE GREAT PROBLEMS OF THE DAY. 853 00:33:32,177 --> 00:33:34,022 UPON THE GREAT PROBLEMS OF THE DAY. OTHERS WOULD ARGUE THE OPPOSITE, 854 00:33:34,046 --> 00:33:35,790 DAY. OTHERS WOULD ARGUE THE OPPOSITE, THAT MY USE OF TIRED SYNTAX AND 855 00:33:35,814 --> 00:33:37,592 OTHERS WOULD ARGUE THE OPPOSITE, THAT MY USE OF TIRED SYNTAX AND SENTENCE STRUCTURE COUPLED WITH 856 00:33:37,616 --> 00:33:39,327 THAT MY USE OF TIRED SYNTAX AND SENTENCE STRUCTURE COUPLED WITH A STACCATO AND OFTEN SINGSONG 857 00:33:39,351 --> 00:33:41,062 SENTENCE STRUCTURE COUPLED WITH A STACCATO AND OFTEN SINGSONG DELIVERY MAKE THESE EDITORIALS 858 00:33:41,086 --> 00:33:42,930 A STACCATO AND OFTEN SINGSONG DELIVERY MAKE THESE EDITORIALS INCOMPREHENSIBLE AND AN EXERCISE 859 00:33:42,954 --> 00:33:44,765 DELIVERY MAKE THESE EDITORIALS INCOMPREHENSIBLE AND AN EXERCISE IN FUTILITY, LIKE SO MANY GRAINS 860 00:33:44,789 --> 00:33:46,601 INCOMPREHENSIBLE AND AN EXERCISE IN FUTILITY, LIKE SO MANY GRAINS OF SAND AGAINST THE TIDES OF THE 861 00:33:46,625 --> 00:33:48,803 IN FUTILITY, LIKE SO MANY GRAINS OF SAND AGAINST THE TIDES OF THE OCEANS. 862 00:33:48,827 --> 00:33:50,671 OF SAND AGAINST THE TIDES OF THE OCEANS. I HAVE NO STRONG ARGUMENT WITH 863 00:33:50,695 --> 00:33:51,939 OCEANS. I HAVE NO STRONG ARGUMENT WITH EITHER PROPOSITION. 864 00:33:51,963 --> 00:33:53,741 I HAVE NO STRONG ARGUMENT WITH EITHER PROPOSITION. I HAVE ALWAYS SEEN MY PRIMARY 865 00:33:53,765 --> 00:33:55,610 EITHER PROPOSITION. I HAVE ALWAYS SEEN MY PRIMARY DUTY AS ONE OF ELUCIDATION AND 866 00:33:55,634 --> 00:33:57,512 I HAVE ALWAYS SEEN MY PRIMARY DUTY AS ONE OF ELUCIDATION AND NOT ADVOCATION, AND SO I ACCEPT 867 00:33:57,536 --> 00:33:59,247 DUTY AS ONE OF ELUCIDATION AND NOT ADVOCATION, AND SO I ACCEPT THE DECISION OF CBS WITH THE 868 00:33:59,271 --> 00:34:01,216 NOT ADVOCATION, AND SO I ACCEPT THE DECISION OF CBS WITH THE FEELING THAT ADLAI STEVENSON MAY 869 00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:03,018 THE DECISION OF CBS WITH THE FEELING THAT ADLAI STEVENSON MAY HAVE PUT BEST WHEN, AFTER HIS 870 00:34:03,042 --> 00:34:04,886 FEELING THAT ADLAI STEVENSON MAY HAVE PUT BEST WHEN, AFTER HIS DISASTROUS SECOND DEFEAT AT THE 871 00:34:04,910 --> 00:34:05,586 HAVE PUT BEST WHEN, AFTER HIS DISASTROUS SECOND DEFEAT AT THE HANDS OF 872 00:34:05,610 --> 00:34:07,422 DISASTROUS SECOND DEFEAT AT THE HANDS OF DWIGHT DAVID EISENHOWER, SAID, 873 00:34:07,446 --> 00:34:09,391 HANDS OF DWIGHT DAVID EISENHOWER, SAID, "IT HURTS TOO MUCH TO LAUGH, AND 874 00:34:09,415 --> 00:34:11,626 DWIGHT DAVID EISENHOWER, SAID, "IT HURTS TOO MUCH TO LAUGH, AND I'M TOO OLD TO CRY." 875 00:34:11,650 --> 00:34:13,228 "IT HURTS TOO MUCH TO LAUGH, AND I'M TOO OLD TO CRY." FROM NEW YORK, THIS WAS 876 00:34:13,252 --> 00:34:14,295 I'M TOO OLD TO CRY." FROM NEW YORK, THIS WAS ERIC SEVAREID. 877 00:34:14,319 --> 00:34:16,831 FROM NEW YORK, THIS WAS ERIC SEVAREID. THANK YOU AND GOODBYE. 878 00:34:16,855 --> 00:34:24,506 ERIC SEVAREID. THANK YOU AND GOODBYE. [APPLAUSE] 879 00:34:24,530 --> 00:34:26,307 THANK YOU AND GOODBYE. [APPLAUSE] THAT'S THE NEWS. 880 00:34:26,331 --> 00:34:28,809 [APPLAUSE] THAT'S THE NEWS. GOOD NIGHT, AND TO OUR AILING 881 00:34:28,833 --> 00:34:31,212 THAT'S THE NEWS. GOOD NIGHT, AND TO OUR AILING CUE-CARD MAN AL SIEGEL, GET 882 00:34:31,236 --> 00:34:31,946 GOOD NIGHT, AND TO OUR AILING CUE-CARD MAN AL SIEGEL, GET WELL. 883 00:34:31,970 --> 00:34:34,404 CUE-CARD MAN AL SIEGEL, GET WELL. GET WELL SOON. 884 00:34:44,915 --> 00:34:48,096 Announcer: NEW YORK CITY, 1961. SOARING UNEMPLOYMENT, PLUNGING 885 00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:49,531 1961. SOARING UNEMPLOYMENT, PLUNGING INCOMES, INADEQUATE HOUSING. 886 00:34:49,555 --> 00:34:50,932 SOARING UNEMPLOYMENT, PLUNGING INCOMES, INADEQUATE HOUSING. NEW YORK, WHERE THE RATIO OF 887 00:34:50,956 --> 00:34:52,100 INCOMES, INADEQUATE HOUSING. NEW YORK, WHERE THE RATIO OF AVAILABLE BACHELORS TO 888 00:34:52,124 --> 00:34:53,535 NEW YORK, WHERE THE RATIO OF AVAILABLE BACHELORS TO BACHELORETTES IS 35 TO 2, AND 889 00:34:53,559 --> 00:34:55,136 AVAILABLE BACHELORS TO BACHELORETTES IS 35 TO 2, AND THE ODDS OF RUNNING INTO SOMEONE 890 00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:56,771 BACHELORETTES IS 35 TO 2, AND THE ODDS OF RUNNING INTO SOMEONE YOU CAN STAND A MILLION TO ONE. 891 00:34:56,795 --> 00:34:58,339 THE ODDS OF RUNNING INTO SOMEONE YOU CAN STAND A MILLION TO ONE. BUT DESPITE THIS NEW YORK, IN 892 00:34:58,363 --> 00:34:59,840 YOU CAN STAND A MILLION TO ONE. BUT DESPITE THIS NEW YORK, IN MOVIES LIKE THESE, WHEN POOR 893 00:34:59,864 --> 00:35:01,443 BUT DESPITE THIS NEW YORK, IN MOVIES LIKE THESE, WHEN POOR YOUNG GALS ARRIVE HERE WITH NO 894 00:35:01,467 --> 00:35:03,010 MOVIES LIKE THESE, WHEN POOR YOUNG GALS ARRIVE HERE WITH NO MONEY, NO FRIENDS, AND NO PLACE 895 00:35:03,034 --> 00:35:04,712 YOUNG GALS ARRIVE HERE WITH NO MONEY, NO FRIENDS, AND NO PLACE TO GO, THEY ALWAYS GETTING RICH, 896 00:35:04,736 --> 00:35:12,736 MONEY, NO FRIENDS, AND NO PLACE TO GO, THEY ALWAYS GETTING RICH, FAMOUS, AND MARRIED IN A MINUTE! 897 00:35:14,646 --> 00:35:16,224 TO GO, THEY ALWAYS GETTING RICH, FAMOUS, AND MARRIED IN A MINUTE! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? 898 00:35:16,248 --> 00:35:18,393 FAMOUS, AND MARRIED IN A MINUTE! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? THE IMPERIAL ROYAL PRESIDENTIAL 899 00:35:18,417 --> 00:35:20,361 CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? THE IMPERIAL ROYAL PRESIDENTIAL SUITE AT THE WALDORF-ASTORIA 900 00:35:20,385 --> 00:35:22,330 THE IMPERIAL ROYAL PRESIDENTIAL SUITE AT THE WALDORF-ASTORIA HOTEL! 901 00:35:22,354 --> 00:35:23,465 SUITE AT THE WALDORF-ASTORIA HOTEL! I CAN'T BELIEVE WE LOANED A 902 00:35:23,489 --> 00:35:24,499 HOTEL! I CAN'T BELIEVE WE LOANED A KLEENEX TO THAT ECCENTRIC 903 00:35:24,523 --> 00:35:25,733 I CAN'T BELIEVE WE LOANED A KLEENEX TO THAT ECCENTRIC MILLIONAIRE AT THE BUS STATION 904 00:35:25,757 --> 00:35:26,934 KLEENEX TO THAT ECCENTRIC MILLIONAIRE AT THE BUS STATION WHO WAS SO GRATEFUL TO US THAT 905 00:35:26,958 --> 00:35:28,136 MILLIONAIRE AT THE BUS STATION WHO WAS SO GRATEFUL TO US THAT HE TOLD US WE COULD HAVE THIS 906 00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:32,607 WHO WAS SO GRATEFUL TO US THAT HE TOLD US WE COULD HAVE THIS SUITE FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES! 907 00:35:32,631 --> 00:35:33,641 HE TOLD US WE COULD HAVE THIS SUITE FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES! WASN'T THAT NICE? 908 00:35:33,665 --> 00:35:34,775 SUITE FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES! WASN'T THAT NICE? OH, HERE'S A PENNY. 909 00:35:34,799 --> 00:35:36,211 WASN'T THAT NICE? OH, HERE'S A PENNY. I'M SORRY IT COULDN'T BE MORE. 910 00:35:36,235 --> 00:35:37,745 OH, HERE'S A PENNY. I'M SORRY IT COULDN'T BE MORE. BUT WE DIDN'T KNOW THAT NEW YORK 911 00:35:37,769 --> 00:35:39,214 I'M SORRY IT COULDN'T BE MORE. BUT WE DIDN'T KNOW THAT NEW YORK WAS GONNA BE SO EXPENSIVE, AND 912 00:35:39,238 --> 00:35:40,448 BUT WE DIDN'T KNOW THAT NEW YORK WAS GONNA BE SO EXPENSIVE, AND THE CAB RIDE FROM THE BUS 913 00:35:40,472 --> 00:35:44,486 WAS GONNA BE SO EXPENSIVE, AND THE CAB RIDE FROM THE BUS STATION WAS GONNA COST $843. 914 00:35:44,510 --> 00:35:46,254 THE CAB RIDE FROM THE BUS STATION WAS GONNA COST $843. A PENNY. THAT'S OKAY. 915 00:35:46,278 --> 00:35:48,389 STATION WAS GONNA COST $843. A PENNY. THAT'S OKAY. YOUR NICENESS MAKES UP FOR IT. 916 00:35:48,413 --> 00:35:49,991 A PENNY. THAT'S OKAY. YOUR NICENESS MAKES UP FOR IT. OH, HERE WE ARE IN 917 00:35:50,015 --> 00:35:52,360 YOUR NICENESS MAKES UP FOR IT. OH, HERE WE ARE IN NEW YORK CITY WITH NO MONEY 918 00:35:52,384 --> 00:35:53,828 OH, HERE WE ARE IN NEW YORK CITY WITH NO MONEY LEFT... OH, NO! 919 00:35:53,852 --> 00:35:56,030 NEW YORK CITY WITH NO MONEY LEFT... OH, NO! BEHIND THE FLOWERS! LOOK! 920 00:35:56,054 --> 00:35:59,934 LEFT... OH, NO! BEHIND THE FLOWERS! LOOK! HERE'S $1 MILLION! 921 00:35:59,958 --> 00:36:01,669 BEHIND THE FLOWERS! LOOK! HERE'S $1 MILLION! WELL, I GUESS OUR MONEY 922 00:36:01,693 --> 00:36:02,937 HERE'S $1 MILLION! WELL, I GUESS OUR MONEY PROBLEMS ARE OVER! 923 00:36:02,961 --> 00:36:04,705 WELL, I GUESS OUR MONEY PROBLEMS ARE OVER! FOR A LITTLE WHILE, ANYWAY. 924 00:36:04,729 --> 00:36:05,940 PROBLEMS ARE OVER! FOR A LITTLE WHILE, ANYWAY. [TELEPHONE RINGS] 925 00:36:05,964 --> 00:36:07,442 FOR A LITTLE WHILE, ANYWAY. [TELEPHONE RINGS] I'LL GET IT! 926 00:36:07,466 --> 00:36:08,143 [TELEPHONE RINGS] I'LL GET IT! HELLO? 927 00:36:08,167 --> 00:36:10,512 I'LL GET IT! HELLO? NO, I'M SORRY, THIS ISN'T FAMOUS 928 00:36:10,536 --> 00:36:12,347 HELLO? NO, I'M SORRY, THIS ISN'T FAMOUS ACTRESSES, INCORPORATED. 929 00:36:12,371 --> 00:36:14,382 NO, I'M SORRY, THIS ISN'T FAMOUS ACTRESSES, INCORPORATED. YOU MUST HAVE THE WRONG N... 930 00:36:14,406 --> 00:36:16,484 ACTRESSES, INCORPORATED. YOU MUST HAVE THE WRONG N... OH, YES, THERE IS AN ACTRESS 931 00:36:16,508 --> 00:36:16,984 YOU MUST HAVE THE WRONG N... OH, YES, THERE IS AN ACTRESS HERE. 932 00:36:17,008 --> 00:36:18,453 OH, YES, THERE IS AN ACTRESS HERE. WELL, OF COURSE I COULD! 933 00:36:18,477 --> 00:36:19,954 HERE. WELL, OF COURSE I COULD! YOU'RE KIDDING! THE PLAY? 934 00:36:19,978 --> 00:36:21,722 WELL, OF COURSE I COULD! YOU'RE KIDDING! THE PLAY? THE LEAD IN A BROADWAY SHOW IN 935 00:36:21,746 --> 00:36:23,158 YOU'RE KIDDING! THE PLAY? THE LEAD IN A BROADWAY SHOW IN CASE THE STAR GETS SICK? 936 00:36:23,182 --> 00:36:24,859 THE LEAD IN A BROADWAY SHOW IN CASE THE STAR GETS SICK? WELL, OF COURSE... THE STAR'S 937 00:36:24,883 --> 00:36:26,461 CASE THE STAR GETS SICK? WELL, OF COURSE... THE STAR'S SICK NOW? 938 00:36:26,485 --> 00:36:27,428 WELL, OF COURSE... THE STAR'S SICK NOW? OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! 939 00:36:27,452 --> 00:36:28,663 SICK NOW? OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! OH, SURE, I'LL BE RIGHT DOWN IN 940 00:36:28,687 --> 00:36:29,264 OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! OH, SURE, I'LL BE RIGHT DOWN IN JUST A JIFF. 941 00:36:29,288 --> 00:36:31,266 OH, SURE, I'LL BE RIGHT DOWN IN JUST A JIFF. OH, HEY, THANKS! 942 00:36:31,290 --> 00:36:32,600 JUST A JIFF. OH, HEY, THANKS! I GOT THE LEAD IN A BROADWAY 943 00:36:32,624 --> 00:36:35,069 OH, HEY, THANKS! I GOT THE LEAD IN A BROADWAY SHOW! 944 00:36:35,093 --> 00:36:37,172 I GOT THE LEAD IN A BROADWAY SHOW! OH, LOOK, HERE'S THIS CARD, 945 00:36:37,196 --> 00:36:38,973 SHOW! OH, LOOK, HERE'S THIS CARD, AND IT'S ADDRESSED TO ME! 946 00:36:38,997 --> 00:36:41,176 OH, LOOK, HERE'S THIS CARD, AND IT'S ADDRESSED TO ME! "SAW YOU IN THE LOBBY, WON'T YOU 947 00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:43,144 AND IT'S ADDRESSED TO ME! "SAW YOU IN THE LOBBY, WON'T YOU BE MY DATE AT THE CORONATION 948 00:36:43,168 --> 00:36:43,811 "SAW YOU IN THE LOBBY, WON'T YOU BE MY DATE AT THE CORONATION BALL?" 949 00:36:43,835 --> 00:36:48,616 BE MY DATE AT THE CORONATION BALL?" SIGNED, THE PRINCE OF FRANCE! 950 00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:51,018 BALL?" SIGNED, THE PRINCE OF FRANCE! I CAN'T! 951 00:36:51,042 --> 00:36:52,920 SIGNED, THE PRINCE OF FRANCE! I CAN'T! ALL I HAVE TO WEAR IS THIS OLD 952 00:36:52,944 --> 00:36:53,488 I CAN'T! ALL I HAVE TO WEAR IS THIS OLD THING. 953 00:36:53,512 --> 00:36:55,323 ALL I HAVE TO WEAR IS THIS OLD THING. WAIT A MINUTE, YOU'RE JUST 954 00:36:55,347 --> 00:36:56,357 THING. WAIT A MINUTE, YOU'RE JUST ABOUT MY SIZE. 955 00:36:56,381 --> 00:36:58,193 WAIT A MINUTE, YOU'RE JUST ABOUT MY SIZE. I THINK I HAVE SOMETHING THAT 956 00:36:58,217 --> 00:37:00,127 ABOUT MY SIZE. I THINK I HAVE SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN WEAR IF I CAN JUST FIND 957 00:37:00,151 --> 00:37:00,562 I THINK I HAVE SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN WEAR IF I CAN JUST FIND IT. 958 00:37:00,586 --> 00:37:01,796 YOU CAN WEAR IF I CAN JUST FIND IT. HERE IT IS! 959 00:37:01,820 --> 00:37:03,631 IT. HERE IT IS! IT'S JUST AN OLD THING, BUT IT 960 00:37:03,655 --> 00:37:04,499 HERE IT IS! IT'S JUST AN OLD THING, BUT IT MIGHT WORK! 961 00:37:04,523 --> 00:37:05,433 IT'S JUST AN OLD THING, BUT IT MIGHT WORK! HEY, LOOK. 962 00:37:05,457 --> 00:37:06,767 MIGHT WORK! HEY, LOOK. I'VE GOT SOME SHOES. 963 00:37:06,791 --> 00:37:07,702 HEY, LOOK. I'VE GOT SOME SHOES. OH, THANKS. 964 00:37:07,726 --> 00:37:09,437 I'VE GOT SOME SHOES. OH, THANKS. PURSE AND ACCESSORIES RIGHT 965 00:37:09,461 --> 00:37:10,037 OH, THANKS. PURSE AND ACCESSORIES RIGHT HERE! 966 00:37:10,061 --> 00:37:11,972 PURSE AND ACCESSORIES RIGHT HERE! OH, YOU GUYS ARE JUST THE 967 00:37:11,996 --> 00:37:16,077 HERE! OH, YOU GUYS ARE JUST THE BEST FRIENDS A GAL EVER HAD! 968 00:37:16,101 --> 00:37:18,045 OH, YOU GUYS ARE JUST THE BEST FRIENDS A GAL EVER HAD! HOW WILL I GET MY MODELING 969 00:37:18,069 --> 00:37:20,047 BEST FRIENDS A GAL EVER HAD! HOW WILL I GET MY MODELING CAREER OFF THE GROUND AND MEET 970 00:37:20,071 --> 00:37:21,516 HOW WILL I GET MY MODELING CAREER OFF THE GROUND AND MEET THE MAN OF MY DREAMS? 971 00:37:21,540 --> 00:37:23,484 CAREER OFF THE GROUND AND MEET THE MAN OF MY DREAMS? I DON'T EVEN FEEL LIKE TRYING 972 00:37:23,508 --> 00:37:23,984 THE MAN OF MY DREAMS? I DON'T EVEN FEEL LIKE TRYING ANYMORE. 973 00:37:24,008 --> 00:37:25,186 I DON'T EVEN FEEL LIKE TRYING ANYMORE. PROBLEMS, PROBLEMS... WE 974 00:37:25,210 --> 00:37:26,421 ANYMORE. PROBLEMS, PROBLEMS... WE CAN'T EVEN FIND THE CORRECT 975 00:37:26,445 --> 00:37:26,787 PROBLEMS, PROBLEMS... WE CAN'T EVEN FIND THE CORRECT ROOM! 976 00:37:26,811 --> 00:37:27,722 CAN'T EVEN FIND THE CORRECT ROOM! THIS IS NOT MY ROOM! 977 00:37:27,746 --> 00:37:29,790 ROOM! THIS IS NOT MY ROOM! WAIT... THERE SHE IS! 978 00:37:29,814 --> 00:37:31,859 THIS IS NOT MY ROOM! WAIT... THERE SHE IS! THE WOMAN I HAVE WAITED FOR TO 979 00:37:31,883 --> 00:37:33,828 WAIT... THERE SHE IS! THE WOMAN I HAVE WAITED FOR TO BE IN MY ADS FOR MY HUNGARIAN 980 00:37:33,852 --> 00:37:35,730 THE WOMAN I HAVE WAITED FOR TO BE IN MY ADS FOR MY HUNGARIAN PERFUME... A FASHION MODEL! 981 00:37:35,754 --> 00:37:37,298 BE IN MY ADS FOR MY HUNGARIAN PERFUME... A FASHION MODEL! I WAS LOOKING FOR HER! 982 00:37:37,322 --> 00:37:38,399 PERFUME... A FASHION MODEL! I WAS LOOKING FOR HER! OF 500,000 WOMEN, I'M LOOKING 983 00:37:38,423 --> 00:37:39,500 I WAS LOOKING FOR HER! OF 500,000 WOMEN, I'M LOOKING FOR, BUT THIS ONE HERE IS THE 984 00:37:39,524 --> 00:37:40,535 OF 500,000 WOMEN, I'M LOOKING FOR, BUT THIS ONE HERE IS THE ONE I FOUND, THE ONLY ONE I 985 00:37:40,559 --> 00:37:41,669 FOR, BUT THIS ONE HERE IS THE ONE I FOUND, THE ONLY ONE I WOULD WANT TO MARRY, BECAUSE I 986 00:37:41,693 --> 00:37:42,737 ONE I FOUND, THE ONLY ONE I WOULD WANT TO MARRY, BECAUSE I WAS GOING TO GIVE UP LOOKING 987 00:37:42,761 --> 00:37:43,904 WOULD WANT TO MARRY, BECAUSE I WAS GOING TO GIVE UP LOOKING JUST A SECOND AGO, BUT HERE SHE 988 00:37:43,928 --> 00:37:45,306 WAS GOING TO GIVE UP LOOKING JUST A SECOND AGO, BUT HERE SHE IS! 989 00:37:45,330 --> 00:37:47,642 JUST A SECOND AGO, BUT HERE SHE IS! HERE, A MILLION-DOLLAR CONTRACT. 990 00:37:47,666 --> 00:37:49,944 IS! HERE, A MILLION-DOLLAR CONTRACT. AND A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL! 991 00:37:49,968 --> 00:37:51,145 HERE, A MILLION-DOLLAR CONTRACT. AND A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL! WELL, I'LL NEED A LITTLE TIME 992 00:37:51,169 --> 00:37:51,846 AND A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL! WELL, I'LL NEED A LITTLE TIME TO THINK IT OVER! 993 00:37:51,870 --> 00:37:52,947 WELL, I'LL NEED A LITTLE TIME TO THINK IT OVER! TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU WANT. 994 00:37:52,971 --> 00:37:54,148 TO THINK IT OVER! TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU WANT. I'LL WAIT UNTIL THE SMALL SECOND 995 00:37:54,172 --> 00:37:55,216 TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU WANT. I'LL WAIT UNTIL THE SMALL SECOND HAND GETS TO THE 3. 996 00:37:55,240 --> 00:37:56,584 I'LL WAIT UNTIL THE SMALL SECOND HAND GETS TO THE 3. OKAY, I'LL DO IT, OKAY! 997 00:37:56,608 --> 00:37:58,419 HAND GETS TO THE 3. OKAY, I'LL DO IT, OKAY! OKAY, GREAT! 998 00:37:58,443 --> 00:38:00,521 OKAY, I'LL DO IT, OKAY! OKAY, GREAT! [KNOCK ON DOOR] 999 00:38:00,545 --> 00:38:03,691 OKAY, GREAT! [KNOCK ON DOOR] WELL, I'M OFF TO THE THEATER. 1000 00:38:03,715 --> 00:38:05,727 [KNOCK ON DOOR] WELL, I'M OFF TO THE THEATER. OH, EXCUSE ME. 1001 00:38:05,751 --> 00:38:07,228 WELL, I'M OFF TO THE THEATER. OH, EXCUSE ME. OH, A NOTE. 1002 00:38:07,252 --> 00:38:08,195 OH, EXCUSE ME. OH, A NOTE. HERE. 1003 00:38:08,219 --> 00:38:11,599 OH, A NOTE. HERE. "PLEASE ACCEPT THIS BIG PILE OF 1004 00:38:11,623 --> 00:38:12,533 HERE. "PLEASE ACCEPT THIS BIG PILE OF DIRT. 1005 00:38:12,557 --> 00:38:14,201 "PLEASE ACCEPT THIS BIG PILE OF DIRT. LOVE, A SECRET ADMIRER." 1006 00:38:14,225 --> 00:38:16,203 DIRT. LOVE, A SECRET ADMIRER." OH, I COULDN'T POSSIBLY ACCEPT 1007 00:38:16,227 --> 00:38:17,505 LOVE, A SECRET ADMIRER." OH, I COULDN'T POSSIBLY ACCEPT SUCH A NICE THING. 1008 00:38:17,529 --> 00:38:18,973 OH, I COULDN'T POSSIBLY ACCEPT SUCH A NICE THING. OH, WELL, I TRIED. 1009 00:38:18,997 --> 00:38:20,875 SUCH A NICE THING. OH, WELL, I TRIED. YOU MEAN IT WAS FROM YOU? 1010 00:38:20,899 --> 00:38:22,810 OH, WELL, I TRIED. YOU MEAN IT WAS FROM YOU? WELL, I WANTED TO GIVE YOU 1011 00:38:22,834 --> 00:38:24,945 YOU MEAN IT WAS FROM YOU? WELL, I WANTED TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO EXPRESS HOW I FELT, 1012 00:38:24,969 --> 00:38:27,047 WELL, I WANTED TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO EXPRESS HOW I FELT, AND I CAN'T OFFER YOU VERY MUCH, 1013 00:38:27,071 --> 00:38:27,615 SOMETHING TO EXPRESS HOW I FELT, AND I CAN'T OFFER YOU VERY MUCH, SO... 1014 00:38:27,639 --> 00:38:31,486 AND I CAN'T OFFER YOU VERY MUCH, SO... OH! 1015 00:38:31,510 --> 00:38:34,255 SO... OH! DO I LOOK ALL RIGHT? 1016 00:38:34,279 --> 00:38:35,556 OH! DO I LOOK ALL RIGHT? OH, BUT, FATHER, I LOVE HER, 1017 00:38:35,580 --> 00:38:36,758 DO I LOOK ALL RIGHT? OH, BUT, FATHER, I LOVE HER, EVEN THOUGH I CAN'T MARRY HER 1018 00:38:36,782 --> 00:38:37,858 OH, BUT, FATHER, I LOVE HER, EVEN THOUGH I CAN'T MARRY HER BECAUSE SHE IS A COMMONER! 1019 00:38:37,882 --> 00:38:39,093 EVEN THOUGH I CAN'T MARRY HER BECAUSE SHE IS A COMMONER! OH, PLEASE, FATHER... CAN'T I 1020 00:38:39,117 --> 00:38:40,428 BECAUSE SHE IS A COMMONER! OH, PLEASE, FATHER... CAN'T I GIVE UP THE THRONE, PLEASE, EVEN 1021 00:38:40,452 --> 00:38:41,462 OH, PLEASE, FATHER... CAN'T I GIVE UP THE THRONE, PLEASE, EVEN THOUGH IT WOULD MEAN THE 1022 00:38:41,486 --> 00:38:42,797 GIVE UP THE THRONE, PLEASE, EVEN THOUGH IT WOULD MEAN THE OVERTHROW OF OUR GOVERNMENT, THE 1023 00:38:42,821 --> 00:38:43,964 THOUGH IT WOULD MEAN THE OVERTHROW OF OUR GOVERNMENT, THE END OF OUR COUNTRY, THE FREE 1024 00:38:43,988 --> 00:38:45,933 OVERTHROW OF OUR GOVERNMENT, THE END OF OUR COUNTRY, THE FREE WORLD, DEMOCRACY AS WE KNOW IT, 1025 00:38:45,957 --> 00:38:47,935 END OF OUR COUNTRY, THE FREE WORLD, DEMOCRACY AS WE KNOW IT, AND KILL YOU FROM GRIEF? 1026 00:38:47,959 --> 00:38:50,905 WORLD, DEMOCRACY AS WE KNOW IT, AND KILL YOU FROM GRIEF? WELL, ALL RIGHT. 1027 00:38:50,929 --> 00:38:53,007 AND KILL YOU FROM GRIEF? WELL, ALL RIGHT. OH, WAIT! 1028 00:38:53,031 --> 00:38:54,609 WELL, ALL RIGHT. OH, WAIT! BUT WHAT ABOUT MY PLANNED CAREER 1029 00:38:54,633 --> 00:38:56,076 OH, WAIT! BUT WHAT ABOUT MY PLANNED CAREER OF A PERSON WHO COMES TO YOUR 1030 00:38:56,100 --> 00:38:57,445 BUT WHAT ABOUT MY PLANNED CAREER OF A PERSON WHO COMES TO YOUR HOUSE AND REARRANGES MOSTLY 1031 00:38:57,469 --> 00:38:58,979 OF A PERSON WHO COMES TO YOUR HOUSE AND REARRANGES MOSTLY YELLOW FLOWERS? 1032 00:38:59,003 --> 00:39:03,418 HOUSE AND REARRANGES MOSTLY YELLOW FLOWERS? YOU CAN BE THAT AND A QUEEN! 1033 00:39:03,442 --> 00:39:04,285 YELLOW FLOWERS? YOU CAN BE THAT AND A QUEEN! OH, PAPA. 1034 00:39:04,309 --> 00:39:06,487 YOU CAN BE THAT AND A QUEEN! OH, PAPA. GEE, THINGS DON'T SEEM TO BE 1035 00:39:06,511 --> 00:39:07,955 OH, PAPA. GEE, THINGS DON'T SEEM TO BE WORKING OUT FOR ME. 1036 00:39:07,979 --> 00:39:10,157 GEE, THINGS DON'T SEEM TO BE WORKING OUT FOR ME. MAYBE NEW YORK'S NOT MY KIND OF 1037 00:39:10,181 --> 00:39:10,758 WORKING OUT FOR ME. MAYBE NEW YORK'S NOT MY KIND OF TOWN. 1038 00:39:10,782 --> 00:39:12,727 MAYBE NEW YORK'S NOT MY KIND OF TOWN. I THINK I'LL GIVE UP AND GO 1039 00:39:12,751 --> 00:39:13,361 TOWN. I THINK I'LL GIVE UP AND GO HOME. 1040 00:39:13,385 --> 00:39:15,062 I THINK I'LL GIVE UP AND GO HOME. LOOK, ON THAT LEDGE! 1041 00:39:15,086 --> 00:39:16,564 HOME. LOOK, ON THAT LEDGE! IT'S A TEXAS OIL MAN, AND HE'S 1042 00:39:16,588 --> 00:39:17,865 LOOK, ON THAT LEDGE! IT'S A TEXAS OIL MAN, AND HE'S ABOUT TO JUMP AND HE WON'T 1043 00:39:17,889 --> 00:39:18,966 IT'S A TEXAS OIL MAN, AND HE'S ABOUT TO JUMP AND HE WON'T LISTEN TO ANYBODY! 1044 00:39:18,990 --> 00:39:20,267 ABOUT TO JUMP AND HE WON'T LISTEN TO ANYBODY! YOU GET IN HERE! 1045 00:39:20,291 --> 00:39:21,268 LISTEN TO ANYBODY! YOU GET IN HERE! IT WORKED! 1046 00:39:21,292 --> 00:39:24,739 YOU GET IN HERE! IT WORKED! [ALL CHEERING] 1047 00:39:24,763 --> 00:39:27,208 IT WORKED! [ALL CHEERING] YOU GET THE $10 BILLION! 1048 00:39:27,232 --> 00:39:28,743 [ALL CHEERING] YOU GET THE $10 BILLION! A REWARD! 1049 00:39:28,767 --> 00:39:31,512 YOU GET THE $10 BILLION! A REWARD! YEAH, BUT WHAT ABOUT A 1050 00:39:31,536 --> 00:39:33,881 A REWARD! YEAH, BUT WHAT ABOUT A HUSBAND AND A CAREER? 1051 00:39:33,905 --> 00:39:34,782 YEAH, BUT WHAT ABOUT A HUSBAND AND A CAREER? WAIT. 1052 00:39:34,806 --> 00:39:37,685 HUSBAND AND A CAREER? WAIT. WHAT'S THIS? 1053 00:39:37,709 --> 00:39:39,620 WAIT. WHAT'S THIS? "WHOEVER FINDS THIS NOTE GETS A 1054 00:39:39,644 --> 00:39:41,522 WHAT'S THIS? "WHOEVER FINDS THIS NOTE GETS A CAREER AND IS PERFECT IN IT FOR 1055 00:39:41,546 --> 00:39:43,290 "WHOEVER FINDS THIS NOTE GETS A CAREER AND IS PERFECT IN IT FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE, SIGNED 1056 00:39:43,314 --> 00:39:46,828 CAREER AND IS PERFECT IN IT FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE, SIGNED GOD"! 1057 00:39:46,852 --> 00:39:49,196 THE REST OF HER LIFE, SIGNED GOD"! OH, WELL, THAT TAKES CARE OF 1058 00:39:49,220 --> 00:39:50,264 GOD"! OH, WELL, THAT TAKES CARE OF THE CAREER! 1059 00:39:50,288 --> 00:39:51,966 OH, WELL, THAT TAKES CARE OF THE CAREER! I LOVE YOU, HONEY. 1060 00:39:51,990 --> 00:39:54,201 THE CAREER! I LOVE YOU, HONEY. WHAT ABOUT YOU AND ME TIE THE 1061 00:39:54,225 --> 00:39:55,503 I LOVE YOU, HONEY. WHAT ABOUT YOU AND ME TIE THE KNOT? 1062 00:39:55,527 --> 00:39:59,006 WHAT ABOUT YOU AND ME TIE THE KNOT? WELL, WHAT THE HEY? 1063 00:39:59,030 --> 00:40:01,376 KNOT? WELL, WHAT THE HEY? I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE. 1064 00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:03,745 WELL, WHAT THE HEY? I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE. I'M NOT REALLY A BLACK BELLHOP. 1065 00:40:03,769 --> 00:40:05,980 I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE. I'M NOT REALLY A BLACK BELLHOP. I'M A WHITE MILLIONAIRE POSING 1066 00:40:06,004 --> 00:40:07,548 I'M NOT REALLY A BLACK BELLHOP. I'M A WHITE MILLIONAIRE POSING AS A BLACK BELLHOP. 1067 00:40:07,572 --> 00:40:09,784 I'M A WHITE MILLIONAIRE POSING AS A BLACK BELLHOP. I'M TRYING TO FIND SOMEONE WHO 1068 00:40:09,808 --> 00:40:11,786 AS A BLACK BELLHOP. I'M TRYING TO FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL LOVE ME FOR ME. 1069 00:40:11,810 --> 00:40:12,420 I'M TRYING TO FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL LOVE ME FOR ME. AWW! 1070 00:40:12,444 --> 00:40:14,288 WILL LOVE ME FOR ME. AWW! LET'S ALL GET MARRIED RIGHT 1071 00:40:14,312 --> 00:40:14,789 AWW! LET'S ALL GET MARRIED RIGHT NOW! 1072 00:40:14,813 --> 00:40:15,556 LET'S ALL GET MARRIED RIGHT NOW! YEAH! 1073 00:40:15,580 --> 00:40:16,991 NOW! YEAH! THERE'S A PRIEST! 1074 00:40:17,015 --> 00:40:18,760 YEAH! THERE'S A PRIEST! YEAH, AND HERE ARE FOUR 1075 00:40:18,784 --> 00:40:20,661 THERE'S A PRIEST! YEAH, AND HERE ARE FOUR DIAMOND RINGS I ALWAYS CARRY 1076 00:40:20,685 --> 00:40:22,497 YEAH, AND HERE ARE FOUR DIAMOND RINGS I ALWAYS CARRY WITH ME IN CASE I MEET FOUR 1077 00:40:22,521 --> 00:40:24,432 DIAMOND RINGS I ALWAYS CARRY WITH ME IN CASE I MEET FOUR GIRLS WHO WANT TO GET MARRIED 1078 00:40:24,456 --> 00:40:26,300 WITH ME IN CASE I MEET FOUR GIRLS WHO WANT TO GET MARRIED RIGHT AWAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME! 1079 00:40:26,324 --> 00:40:27,702 GIRLS WHO WANT TO GET MARRIED RIGHT AWAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME! I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU MAN AND 1080 00:40:27,726 --> 00:40:30,805 RIGHT AWAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME! I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU MAN AND WIFE. 1081 00:40:30,829 --> 00:40:32,707 I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU MAN AND WIFE. HEY, COME ON, LET'S GO SEE 1082 00:40:32,731 --> 00:40:34,475 WIFE. HEY, COME ON, LET'S GO SEE SUSIE IN HER OPENING NIGHT! 1083 00:40:34,499 --> 00:40:36,511 HEY, COME ON, LET'S GO SEE SUSIE IN HER OPENING NIGHT! YEAH, AND DINNER HERE AT THE 1084 00:40:36,535 --> 00:40:37,612 SUSIE IN HER OPENING NIGHT! YEAH, AND DINNER HERE AT THE HOTEL IS ON ME! 1085 00:40:37,636 --> 00:40:40,116 YEAH, AND DINNER HERE AT THE HOTEL IS ON ME! I OWN THE PLACE! 1086 00:40:57,120 --> 00:41:00,323 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ANDY KAUFMAN. 1087 00:41:09,767 --> 00:41:11,568 [SINGING GIBBERISH] 1088 00:42:18,235 --> 00:42:19,969 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1089 00:42:31,048 --> 00:42:32,849 [SPEAKING GIBBERISH] 1090 00:43:14,858 --> 00:43:17,538 [LAUGHS] [SPEAKING GIBBERISH] YEAH. 1091 00:43:17,562 --> 00:43:18,272 [SPEAKING GIBBERISH] YEAH. YEAH? 1092 00:43:18,296 --> 00:43:20,229 YEAH. YEAH? [SPEAKING GIBBERISH] 1093 00:43:41,752 --> 00:43:45,888 YEAH. YEAH? [SPEAKING GIBBERISH] 1094 00:44:49,519 --> 00:44:51,320 [SINGING GIBBERISH] 1095 00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:44,640 [APPLAUSE] 1096 00:45:57,554 --> 00:46:05,554 ♪ ABBA DABI, ABI DA BU VA ♪ ♪ ABBA DABI, ABI DA BU VA ♪ ♪ ABI DABI DA BU WAY ♪ 1097 00:46:08,800 --> 00:46:11,478 ♪ ABBA DABI, ABI DA BU VA ♪ ♪ ABI DABI DA BU WAY ♪ ♪ ABI DABI DA BU WAY ♪ 1098 00:46:11,502 --> 00:46:12,579 ♪ ABI DABI DA BU WAY ♪ ♪ ABI DABI DA BU WAY ♪ ♪ A BO DAY ♪ 1099 00:46:12,603 --> 00:46:13,914 ♪ ABI DABI DA BU WAY ♪ ♪ A BO DAY ♪ ♪ A BO DAY ♪ 1100 00:46:13,938 --> 00:46:15,082 ♪ A BO DAY ♪ ♪ A BO DAY ♪ ♪ KI CHAY WA ♪ 1101 00:46:15,106 --> 00:46:16,416 ♪ A BO DAY ♪ ♪ KI CHAY WA ♪ ♪ KI CHAY WA ♪ 1102 00:46:16,440 --> 00:46:17,684 ♪ KI CHAY WA ♪ ♪ KI CHAY WA ♪ ♪ YOCHEN BO DAY ♪ 1103 00:46:17,708 --> 00:46:18,886 ♪ KI CHAY WA ♪ ♪ YOCHEN BO DAY ♪ ♪ YOCHEN BO DAY ♪ 1104 00:46:18,910 --> 00:46:20,020 ♪ YOCHEN BO DAY ♪ ♪ YOCHEN BO DAY ♪ ♪ ICHEN DA BICH ♪ 1105 00:46:20,044 --> 00:46:21,355 ♪ YOCHEN BO DAY ♪ ♪ ICHEN DA BICH ♪ ♪ ICHEN DA BICH ♪ 1106 00:46:21,379 --> 00:46:22,857 ♪ ICHEN DA BICH ♪ ♪ ICHEN DA BICH ♪ ♪ YACHADISHIBIKODISHAVILLAKA 1107 00:46:22,881 --> 00:46:25,425 ♪ ICHEN DA BICH ♪ ♪ YACHADISHIBIKODISHAVILLAKA SEKALAMINAKILOHH ♪ 1108 00:46:25,449 --> 00:46:26,026 ♪ YACHADISHIBIKODISHAVILLAKA SEKALAMINAKILOHH ♪ ♪ OHH ♪ 1109 00:46:26,050 --> 00:46:27,094 SEKALAMINAKILOHH ♪ ♪ OHH ♪ ♪ OHH ♪ 1110 00:46:27,118 --> 00:46:28,062 ♪ OHH ♪ ♪ OHH ♪ ♪ OHH ♪ 1111 00:46:28,086 --> 00:46:32,366 ♪ OHH ♪ ♪ OHH ♪ ♪ ABBA DABI, ABI DA BU VA ♪ 1112 00:46:32,390 --> 00:46:36,904 ♪ OHH ♪ ♪ ABBA DABI, ABI DA BU VA ♪ ♪ ABBA DABI, ABI DA BU VA ♪ 1113 00:46:36,928 --> 00:46:40,128 ♪ ABBA DABI, ABI DA BU VA ♪ ♪ ABBA DABI, ABI DA BU VA ♪ [CROWD CLAPS RHYTHMICALLY] 1114 00:47:33,383 --> 00:47:38,287 [PLAYS "SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT"] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1115 00:47:49,199 --> 00:47:56,250 Announcer: AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR "BAD MUSICAL," WITH YOUR HOST, LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL. 1116 00:47:56,274 --> 00:47:57,251 FOR "BAD MUSICAL," WITH YOUR HOST, LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL. GOOD EVENING. 1117 00:47:57,275 --> 00:47:58,953 HOST, LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL. GOOD EVENING. I'M LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL, AND 1118 00:47:58,977 --> 00:48:00,454 GOOD EVENING. I'M LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL, AND WELCOME ONCE AGAIN TO "BAD 1119 00:48:00,478 --> 00:48:01,155 I'M LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL, AND WELCOME ONCE AGAIN TO "BAD MUSICAL." 1120 00:48:01,179 --> 00:48:02,556 WELCOME ONCE AGAIN TO "BAD MUSICAL." TONIGHT'S BAD MUSICAL IS 1121 00:48:02,580 --> 00:48:04,291 MUSICAL." TONIGHT'S BAD MUSICAL IS ENTITLED "LEEUWENHOEK," AND IS 1122 00:48:04,315 --> 00:48:05,625 TONIGHT'S BAD MUSICAL IS ENTITLED "LEEUWENHOEK," AND IS IN FACT THE STORY OF 1123 00:48:05,649 --> 00:48:07,728 ENTITLED "LEEUWENHOEK," AND IS IN FACT THE STORY OF FREDERICK LEEUWENHOEK, THE DUTCH 1124 00:48:07,752 --> 00:48:09,930 IN FACT THE STORY OF FREDERICK LEEUWENHOEK, THE DUTCH EYEGLASS MAKER WHO PERFECTED THE 1125 00:48:09,954 --> 00:48:11,565 FREDERICK LEEUWENHOEK, THE DUTCH EYEGLASS MAKER WHO PERFECTED THE FIRST WORKING COMPOUND 1126 00:48:11,589 --> 00:48:12,532 EYEGLASS MAKER WHO PERFECTED THE FIRST WORKING COMPOUND MICROSCOPE. 1127 00:48:12,556 --> 00:48:14,935 FIRST WORKING COMPOUND MICROSCOPE. IT IS EXQUISITELY BAD. 1128 00:48:14,959 --> 00:48:16,436 MICROSCOPE. IT IS EXQUISITELY BAD. WHO REALLY CARES ABOUT A MUSICAL 1129 00:48:16,460 --> 00:48:17,872 IT IS EXQUISITELY BAD. WHO REALLY CARES ABOUT A MUSICAL WHICH CONCERNS ITSELF WITH THE 1130 00:48:17,896 --> 00:48:19,273 WHO REALLY CARES ABOUT A MUSICAL WHICH CONCERNS ITSELF WITH THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE MICROSCOPE? 1131 00:48:19,297 --> 00:48:20,774 WHICH CONCERNS ITSELF WITH THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE MICROSCOPE? WELL, HANS VAN DER SCHEENEN MUST 1132 00:48:20,798 --> 00:48:22,209 DEVELOPMENT OF THE MICROSCOPE? WELL, HANS VAN DER SCHEENEN MUST HAVE, OR ELSE HE WOULDN'T HAVE 1133 00:48:22,233 --> 00:48:23,677 WELL, HANS VAN DER SCHEENEN MUST HAVE, OR ELSE HE WOULDN'T HAVE WRITTEN IT. 1134 00:48:23,701 --> 00:48:26,046 HAVE, OR ELSE HE WOULDN'T HAVE WRITTEN IT. IT OPENED ON VERY-OFF-BROADWAY 1135 00:48:26,070 --> 00:48:28,215 WRITTEN IT. IT OPENED ON VERY-OFF-BROADWAY IN 1953 AND CLOSED IN 2 1/2 1136 00:48:28,239 --> 00:48:29,116 IT OPENED ON VERY-OFF-BROADWAY IN 1953 AND CLOSED IN 2 1/2 MINUTES. 1137 00:48:29,140 --> 00:48:31,485 IN 1953 AND CLOSED IN 2 1/2 MINUTES. IT CONCERNS LEEUWENHOEK'S SEARCH 1138 00:48:31,509 --> 00:48:32,887 MINUTES. IT CONCERNS LEEUWENHOEK'S SEARCH FOR THE MINUTAE OF EVERYDAY 1139 00:48:32,911 --> 00:48:34,388 IT CONCERNS LEEUWENHOEK'S SEARCH FOR THE MINUTAE OF EVERYDAY EXTERNAL PHENOMENA VERSUS THE 1140 00:48:34,412 --> 00:48:35,789 FOR THE MINUTAE OF EVERYDAY EXTERNAL PHENOMENA VERSUS THE ANTAGONISM FROM HIS CHIDING 1141 00:48:35,813 --> 00:48:37,391 EXTERNAL PHENOMENA VERSUS THE ANTAGONISM FROM HIS CHIDING DUTCH HOUSEWIFE, WHO ONLY WANTS 1142 00:48:37,415 --> 00:48:38,225 ANTAGONISM FROM HIS CHIDING DUTCH HOUSEWIFE, WHO ONLY WANTS HIS ATTENTION. 1143 00:48:38,249 --> 00:48:39,559 DUTCH HOUSEWIFE, WHO ONLY WANTS HIS ATTENTION. IT'S BASICALLY A TRIANGLE 1144 00:48:39,583 --> 00:48:40,961 HIS ATTENTION. IT'S BASICALLY A TRIANGLE BETWEEN HER, LEEUWENHOEK, HIS 1145 00:48:40,985 --> 00:48:43,630 IT'S BASICALLY A TRIANGLE BETWEEN HER, LEEUWENHOEK, HIS MICROSCOPE, AND HER DELFT CHINA, 1146 00:48:43,654 --> 00:48:46,333 BETWEEN HER, LEEUWENHOEK, HIS MICROSCOPE, AND HER DELFT CHINA, WHICH IS A BAD TRIANGLE, BECAUSE 1147 00:48:46,357 --> 00:48:47,935 MICROSCOPE, AND HER DELFT CHINA, WHICH IS A BAD TRIANGLE, BECAUSE IT'S A RECTANGLE. 1148 00:48:47,959 --> 00:48:50,537 WHICH IS A BAD TRIANGLE, BECAUSE IT'S A RECTANGLE. THE MUSICAL OPENS AND CLOSES IN 1149 00:48:50,561 --> 00:48:51,805 IT'S A RECTANGLE. THE MUSICAL OPENS AND CLOSES IN LEEUWENHOEK'S COTTAGE IN THE 1150 00:48:51,829 --> 00:48:53,140 THE MUSICAL OPENS AND CLOSES IN LEEUWENHOEK'S COTTAGE IN THE DUTCH COUNTRYSIDE NEAR THE OLD 1151 00:48:53,164 --> 00:48:54,375 LEEUWENHOEK'S COTTAGE IN THE DUTCH COUNTRYSIDE NEAR THE OLD HEINEKEN BREWERY. 1152 00:48:54,399 --> 00:48:56,377 DUTCH COUNTRYSIDE NEAR THE OLD HEINEKEN BREWERY. HIS WIFE, EVA, IS POLISHING THE 1153 00:48:56,401 --> 00:48:57,311 HEINEKEN BREWERY. HIS WIFE, EVA, IS POLISHING THE DELFT CHINA. 1154 00:48:57,335 --> 00:48:59,313 HIS WIFE, EVA, IS POLISHING THE DELFT CHINA. GRETA, HIS DAUGHTER, IS SEWING, 1155 00:48:59,337 --> 00:49:01,015 DELFT CHINA. GRETA, HIS DAUGHTER, IS SEWING, AND JORG, THE DISHONEST 1156 00:49:01,039 --> 00:49:02,917 GRETA, HIS DAUGHTER, IS SEWING, AND JORG, THE DISHONEST LENS-GRINDER OF AMSTEL, IS 1157 00:49:02,941 --> 00:49:05,152 AND JORG, THE DISHONEST LENS-GRINDER OF AMSTEL, IS EAVESDROPPING AS OUR BAD MUSICAL 1158 00:49:05,176 --> 00:49:07,776 LENS-GRINDER OF AMSTEL, IS EAVESDROPPING AS OUR BAD MUSICAL BEGINS. 1159 00:49:15,885 --> 00:49:20,367 ♪ LOOK OUT, WORLD, HERE I COME ♪ ♪ GONNA MAKE A SPLASH, HAVE SOME 1160 00:49:20,391 --> 00:49:21,101 COME ♪ ♪ GONNA MAKE A SPLASH, HAVE SOME FUN ♪ 1161 00:49:21,125 --> 00:49:29,125 ♪ GONNA MAKE A SPLASH, HAVE SOME FUN ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE I'M LEEUWENHOEK ♪ 1162 00:49:29,200 --> 00:49:29,944 FUN ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE I'M LEEUWENHOEK ♪ ♪ I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT 1163 00:49:29,968 --> 00:49:30,677 ♪ 'CAUSE I'M LEEUWENHOEK ♪ ♪ I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT LEEUWENHOEK ♪ 1164 00:49:30,701 --> 00:49:32,079 ♪ I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT LEEUWENHOEK ♪ ♪ HE'S WORKING NIGHT AND DAY ♪ 1165 00:49:32,103 --> 00:49:32,947 LEEUWENHOEK ♪ ♪ HE'S WORKING NIGHT AND DAY ♪ ♪ HE'S NOT A SCHLOOK, HE'S 1166 00:49:32,971 --> 00:49:33,513 ♪ HE'S WORKING NIGHT AND DAY ♪ ♪ HE'S NOT A SCHLOOK, HE'S LEEUWENHOEK ♪ 1167 00:49:33,537 --> 00:49:36,016 ♪ HE'S NOT A SCHLOOK, HE'S LEEUWENHOEK ♪ ♪ THAT'S ALL WE'VE GOT TO SAY ♪ 1168 00:49:36,040 --> 00:49:38,685 LEEUWENHOEK ♪ ♪ THAT'S ALL WE'VE GOT TO SAY ♪ OH, I WISH YOU'D LOOK AT ME 1169 00:49:38,709 --> 00:49:41,288 ♪ THAT'S ALL WE'VE GOT TO SAY ♪ OH, I WISH YOU'D LOOK AT ME SOMETIMES INSTEAD OF ALL THAT 1170 00:49:41,312 --> 00:49:43,390 OH, I WISH YOU'D LOOK AT ME SOMETIMES INSTEAD OF ALL THAT SCHMUTZ UNDERNEATH YOUR 1171 00:49:43,414 --> 00:49:44,624 SOMETIMES INSTEAD OF ALL THAT SCHMUTZ UNDERNEATH YOUR MICROSCOPE. 1172 00:49:44,648 --> 00:49:49,330 SCHMUTZ UNDERNEATH YOUR MICROSCOPE. ♪ OH, MAYBE I'M TOO BIG FOR 1173 00:49:49,354 --> 00:49:50,897 MICROSCOPE. ♪ OH, MAYBE I'M TOO BIG FOR HIM ♪ 1174 00:49:50,921 --> 00:49:56,136 ♪ OH, MAYBE I'M TOO BIG FOR HIM ♪ ♪ MAYBE I'M TOO BIG ♪ 1175 00:49:56,160 --> 00:50:02,209 HIM ♪ ♪ MAYBE I'M TOO BIG ♪ ♪ IF I SHRUNK MYSELF DOWN TO THE 1176 00:50:02,233 --> 00:50:08,048 ♪ MAYBE I'M TOO BIG ♪ ♪ IF I SHRUNK MYSELF DOWN TO THE SIZE OF AN AMOEBA ♪ 1177 00:50:08,072 --> 00:50:12,919 ♪ IF I SHRUNK MYSELF DOWN TO THE SIZE OF AN AMOEBA ♪ ♪ THEN MAYBE HE WOULD TAKE A 1178 00:50:12,943 --> 00:50:18,792 SIZE OF AN AMOEBA ♪ ♪ THEN MAYBE HE WOULD TAKE A LOOK AT ME ♪ 1179 00:50:18,816 --> 00:50:21,528 ♪ THEN MAYBE HE WOULD TAKE A LOOK AT ME ♪ I CAN SEE YOU JUST FINE. 1180 00:50:21,552 --> 00:50:25,599 LOOK AT ME ♪ I CAN SEE YOU JUST FINE. ♪ LET'S HAVE SEX, MRS. L. ♪ 1181 00:50:25,623 --> 00:50:30,070 I CAN SEE YOU JUST FINE. ♪ LET'S HAVE SEX, MRS. L. ♪ ♪ LET ALL THE REST GO TO HELL ♪ 1182 00:50:30,094 --> 00:50:32,206 ♪ LET'S HAVE SEX, MRS. L. ♪ ♪ LET ALL THE REST GO TO HELL ♪ ♪ WE'LL HAVE SOME FUN AND LATER 1183 00:50:32,230 --> 00:50:33,607 ♪ LET ALL THE REST GO TO HELL ♪ ♪ WE'LL HAVE SOME FUN AND LATER EAT A BUN ♪ 1184 00:50:33,631 --> 00:50:37,400 ♪ WE'LL HAVE SOME FUN AND LATER EAT A BUN ♪ ♪ SO LET'S HAVE SEX, MRS. L. ♪ 1185 00:50:56,653 --> 00:51:02,802 I CAN'T SEE A DAMN THING! I'M A MISERABLE FAILURE! I NEED A BEER. 1186 00:51:02,826 --> 00:51:04,371 I'M A MISERABLE FAILURE! I NEED A BEER. HOW ABOUT A HEINIE, HONEY? 1187 00:51:04,395 --> 00:51:05,772 I NEED A BEER. HOW ABOUT A HEINIE, HONEY? DID YOU EVER THINK OF 1188 00:51:05,796 --> 00:51:07,107 HOW ABOUT A HEINIE, HONEY? DID YOU EVER THINK OF CLEANING THESE GLASSES? 1189 00:51:07,131 --> 00:51:08,909 DID YOU EVER THINK OF CLEANING THESE GLASSES? HERE, NOW TRY THIS. 1190 00:51:08,933 --> 00:51:12,046 CLEANING THESE GLASSES? HERE, NOW TRY THIS. [GASPS] 1191 00:51:12,070 --> 00:51:14,714 HERE, NOW TRY THIS. [GASPS] IT'S A MIRACLE! 1192 00:51:14,738 --> 00:51:16,616 [GASPS] IT'S A MIRACLE! ♪ I CAN SEE PLASMA ON THE 1193 00:51:16,640 --> 00:51:18,919 IT'S A MIRACLE! ♪ I CAN SEE PLASMA ON THE DELFT ♪ 1194 00:51:18,943 --> 00:51:24,724 ♪ I CAN SEE PLASMA ON THE DELFT ♪ ♪ PLASMA ON THE DELFT ♪ 1195 00:51:24,748 --> 00:51:26,960 DELFT ♪ ♪ PLASMA ON THE DELFT ♪ PLASMA ON THE DELFT? 1196 00:51:26,984 --> 00:51:34,984 ♪ PLASMA ON THE DELFT ♪ PLASMA ON THE DELFT? ♪ PLASMA ON THE DELFT ♪ 1197 00:51:35,393 --> 00:51:37,904 PLASMA ON THE DELFT? ♪ PLASMA ON THE DELFT ♪ ♪ I'LL SEE BLOOD CLOTS AS BIG 1198 00:51:37,928 --> 00:51:41,841 ♪ PLASMA ON THE DELFT ♪ ♪ I'LL SEE BLOOD CLOTS AS BIG AS THE SQUARE IN AMSTERDAM ♪ 1199 00:51:41,865 --> 00:51:43,210 ♪ I'LL SEE BLOOD CLOTS AS BIG AS THE SQUARE IN AMSTERDAM ♪ ♪ AMSTERDAM ♪ 1200 00:51:43,234 --> 00:51:45,712 AS THE SQUARE IN AMSTERDAM ♪ ♪ AMSTERDAM ♪ ♪ HYDRA AS BIG AS THE 1201 00:51:45,736 --> 00:51:49,816 ♪ AMSTERDAM ♪ ♪ HYDRA AS BIG AS THE WINDMILL TOWER ♪ 1202 00:51:49,840 --> 00:51:53,220 ♪ HYDRA AS BIG AS THE WINDMILL TOWER ♪ PHLEGM AS BIG AS THE RIFTS! 1203 00:51:53,244 --> 00:51:54,821 WINDMILL TOWER ♪ PHLEGM AS BIG AS THE RIFTS! ♪ MICROBES AND YOUR CROBES 1204 00:51:54,845 --> 00:51:56,356 PHLEGM AS BIG AS THE RIFTS! ♪ MICROBES AND YOUR CROBES AND ZYGOTES AND MY GOTES ♪ 1205 00:51:56,380 --> 00:51:58,125 ♪ MICROBES AND YOUR CROBES AND ZYGOTES AND MY GOTES ♪ ♪ VIRUSES AND RATIFIERS AND 1206 00:51:58,149 --> 00:51:59,793 AND ZYGOTES AND MY GOTES ♪ ♪ VIRUSES AND RATIFIERS AND RHIZOIDS AND DIATOMS AND 1207 00:51:59,817 --> 00:52:01,261 ♪ VIRUSES AND RATIFIERS AND RHIZOIDS AND DIATOMS AND MICROSPORES! ♪ 1208 00:52:01,285 --> 00:52:04,598 RHIZOIDS AND DIATOMS AND MICROSPORES! ♪ ♪ AND SPERM ♪ 1209 00:52:04,622 --> 00:52:07,767 MICROSPORES! ♪ ♪ AND SPERM ♪ ♪ AND EGGS ♪ 1210 00:52:07,791 --> 00:52:10,571 ♪ AND SPERM ♪ ♪ AND EGGS ♪ ♪ AND TOAST ♪ 1211 00:52:10,595 --> 00:52:12,239 ♪ AND EGGS ♪ ♪ AND TOAST ♪ ♪ THE MOST MICRO MINIATURE 1212 00:52:12,263 --> 00:52:13,640 ♪ AND TOAST ♪ ♪ THE MOST MICRO MINIATURE EENY-BEENY SQUEENY LITTLE TEENY 1213 00:52:13,664 --> 00:52:14,774 ♪ THE MOST MICRO MINIATURE EENY-BEENY SQUEENY LITTLE TEENY TINY ITTY-BITTY TEENY-WEENY 1214 00:52:14,798 --> 00:52:17,911 EENY-BEENY SQUEENY LITTLE TEENY TINY ITTY-BITTY TEENY-WEENY ITTY-BITTY LITTLE THINGS ♪ 1215 00:52:17,935 --> 00:52:20,147 TINY ITTY-BITTY TEENY-WEENY ITTY-BITTY LITTLE THINGS ♪ ♪ EVERY DOT, EVERY SPECK, 1216 00:52:20,171 --> 00:52:22,849 ITTY-BITTY LITTLE THINGS ♪ ♪ EVERY DOT, EVERY SPECK, EVERY FLECK, EVERY FLEA ♪ 1217 00:52:22,873 --> 00:52:27,687 ♪ EVERY DOT, EVERY SPECK, EVERY FLECK, EVERY FLEA ♪ ♪ IN HOLLAND ♪ 1218 00:52:27,711 --> 00:52:31,225 EVERY FLECK, EVERY FLEA ♪ ♪ IN HOLLAND ♪ ♪ LEEUWENHOEK ♪ 1219 00:52:31,249 --> 00:52:32,692 ♪ IN HOLLAND ♪ ♪ LEEUWENHOEK ♪ ♪ LEEUWENHOEK, LEEUWENHOEK, 1220 00:52:32,716 --> 00:52:34,328 ♪ LEEUWENHOEK ♪ ♪ LEEUWENHOEK, LEEUWENHOEK, LEEUWENHOEK, LEEUWENHOEK ♪ 1221 00:52:34,352 --> 00:52:37,998 ♪ LEEUWENHOEK, LEEUWENHOEK, LEEUWENHOEK, LEEUWENHOEK ♪ ♪ LEEUWENHOEK! ♪ 1222 00:52:38,022 --> 00:52:43,003 LEEUWENHOEK, LEEUWENHOEK ♪ ♪ LEEUWENHOEK! ♪ ♪ LEEUWENHOEK ♪ 1223 00:52:43,027 --> 00:52:50,511 ♪ LEEUWENHOEK! ♪ ♪ LEEUWENHOEK ♪ WHAT A KOOK! 1224 00:52:50,535 --> 00:52:52,379 ♪ LEEUWENHOEK ♪ WHAT A KOOK! LEEUWENHOEK, LEEUWENHOEK, 1225 00:52:52,403 --> 00:52:54,114 WHAT A KOOK! LEEUWENHOEK, LEEUWENHOEK, LEEUWENHOEK, WHAT A KOOK. 1226 00:52:54,138 --> 00:52:56,049 LEEUWENHOEK, LEEUWENHOEK, LEEUWENHOEK, WHAT A KOOK. MARVELOUSLY BAD, REALLY BITES 1227 00:52:56,073 --> 00:52:58,485 LEEUWENHOEK, WHAT A KOOK. MARVELOUSLY BAD, REALLY BITES THE BIG ONE. 1228 00:52:58,509 --> 00:52:59,786 MARVELOUSLY BAD, REALLY BITES THE BIG ONE. TONIGHT'S CAST OF "LEEUWENHOEK" 1229 00:52:59,810 --> 00:53:00,920 THE BIG ONE. TONIGHT'S CAST OF "LEEUWENHOEK" WAS ENTIRELY PLAYED BY THE 1230 00:53:00,944 --> 00:53:02,156 TONIGHT'S CAST OF "LEEUWENHOEK" WAS ENTIRELY PLAYED BY THE SERVICE STAFF OF THE GLENDALE 1231 00:53:02,180 --> 00:53:03,657 WAS ENTIRELY PLAYED BY THE SERVICE STAFF OF THE GLENDALE HOSPITAL FOR WRIST DISORDERS. 1232 00:53:03,681 --> 00:53:04,358 SERVICE STAFF OF THE GLENDALE HOSPITAL FOR WRIST DISORDERS. THANK YOU. 1233 00:53:04,382 --> 00:53:05,692 HOSPITAL FOR WRIST DISORDERS. THANK YOU. JOIN US NEXT WEEK ON "BAD 1234 00:53:05,716 --> 00:53:07,294 THANK YOU. JOIN US NEXT WEEK ON "BAD MUSICAL" WHEN WE PRESENT "SEVEN 1235 00:53:07,318 --> 00:53:08,895 JOIN US NEXT WEEK ON "BAD MUSICAL" WHEN WE PRESENT "SEVEN UPHOLSTERERS IN SEARCH OF SEVEN 1236 00:53:08,919 --> 00:53:09,463 MUSICAL" WHEN WE PRESENT "SEVEN UPHOLSTERERS IN SEARCH OF SEVEN CHAIRS." 1237 00:53:09,487 --> 00:53:11,031 UPHOLSTERERS IN SEARCH OF SEVEN CHAIRS." UNTIL THEN, THIS IS YOUR HOST, 1238 00:53:11,055 --> 00:53:12,666 CHAIRS." UNTIL THEN, THIS IS YOUR HOST, LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL, BIDDING 1239 00:53:12,690 --> 00:53:15,770 UNTIL THEN, THIS IS YOUR HOST, LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL, BIDDING YOU GOOD EVENING. 1240 00:53:23,333 --> 00:53:25,312 HOW YOU DOING TONIGHT, WILLIE? I'M DOING FINE. 1241 00:53:25,336 --> 00:53:26,079 WILLIE? I'M DOING FINE. HOW ARE YOU DOING? 1242 00:53:26,103 --> 00:53:28,148 I'M DOING FINE. HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M DOING FINE. 1243 00:53:28,172 --> 00:53:29,316 HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M DOING FINE. YOU READY TO SING OUR NEW SONG? 1244 00:53:29,340 --> 00:53:30,350 I'M DOING FINE. YOU READY TO SING OUR NEW SONG? I'M READY. LET'S DO IT. 1245 00:53:30,374 --> 00:53:32,852 YOU READY TO SING OUR NEW SONG? I'M READY. LET'S DO IT. WELL, HIT IT, BOYS. 1246 00:53:32,876 --> 00:53:34,688 I'M READY. LET'S DO IT. WELL, HIT IT, BOYS. [BAND BEGINS "SOMETHING TO 1247 00:53:34,712 --> 00:53:36,356 WELL, HIT IT, BOYS. [BAND BEGINS "SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT"] 1248 00:53:36,380 --> 00:53:37,191 [BAND BEGINS "SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT"] ♪ WELL, I'VE GOT A REAL 1249 00:53:37,215 --> 00:53:38,458 [BRAG ABOUT"] ♪ WELL, I'VE GOT A REAL IMPORTANT JOB ♪ 1250 00:53:38,482 --> 00:53:40,627 ♪ WELL, I'VE GOT A REAL IMPORTANT JOB ♪ ♪ IN A LARGE OFFICE BUILDING ♪ 1251 00:53:40,651 --> 00:53:43,397 IMPORTANT JOB ♪ ♪ IN A LARGE OFFICE BUILDING ♪ ♪ RIDING PEOPLE IN AN ELEVATOR ♪ 1252 00:53:43,421 --> 00:53:46,032 ♪ IN A LARGE OFFICE BUILDING ♪ ♪ RIDING PEOPLE IN AN ELEVATOR ♪ ♪ AND I DRIVE A '57 CHEVROLET ♪ 1253 00:53:46,056 --> 00:53:47,401 ♪ RIDING PEOPLE IN AN ELEVATOR ♪ ♪ AND I DRIVE A '57 CHEVROLET ♪ ♪ WITH A BUSTED TAILLIGHT, 1254 00:53:47,425 --> 00:53:49,069 ♪ AND I DRIVE A '57 CHEVROLET ♪ ♪ WITH A BUSTED TAILLIGHT, BURNED-OUT VALVES, AND A LEAKY 1255 00:53:49,093 --> 00:53:50,770 ♪ WITH A BUSTED TAILLIGHT, BURNED-OUT VALVES, AND A LEAKY RADIATOR ♪ 1256 00:53:50,794 --> 00:53:52,906 BURNED-OUT VALVES, AND A LEAKY RADIATOR ♪ ♪ AND I WEAR A $20 SUIT THAT I 1257 00:53:52,930 --> 00:53:55,008 RADIATOR ♪ ♪ AND I WEAR A $20 SUIT THAT I BOUGHT FROM J.C. PENNEY'S BACK 1258 00:53:55,032 --> 00:53:58,044 ♪ AND I WEAR A $20 SUIT THAT I BOUGHT FROM J.C. PENNEY'S BACK IN 1962 ♪ 1259 00:53:58,068 --> 00:53:59,846 BOUGHT FROM J.C. PENNEY'S BACK IN 1962 ♪ ♪ BUT I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO BRAG 1260 00:53:59,870 --> 00:54:02,216 IN 1962 ♪ ♪ BUT I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT, SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT ♪ 1261 00:54:02,240 --> 00:54:04,017 ♪ BUT I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT, SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT ♪ ♪ SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT IN 1262 00:54:04,041 --> 00:54:08,689 ABOUT, SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT ♪ ♪ SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT IN YOU ♪ 1263 00:54:08,713 --> 00:54:10,557 ♪ SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT IN YOU ♪ ♪ WELL, I'M A SHORT-ORDER 1264 00:54:10,581 --> 00:54:13,327 YOU ♪ ♪ WELL, I'M A SHORT-ORDER COOK IN AN ALL-NIGHT CAFé ♪ 1265 00:54:13,351 --> 00:54:15,529 ♪ WELL, I'M A SHORT-ORDER COOK IN AN ALL-NIGHT CAFé ♪ ♪ DOWN ON 18th AVENUE AND 12th 1266 00:54:15,553 --> 00:54:16,230 COOK IN AN ALL-NIGHT CAFé ♪ ♪ DOWN ON 18th AVENUE AND 12th STREET ♪ 1267 00:54:16,254 --> 00:54:18,332 ♪ DOWN ON 18th AVENUE AND 12th STREET ♪ ♪ I WEAR A SWINGING MINI DRESS ♪ 1268 00:54:18,356 --> 00:54:20,467 STREET ♪ ♪ I WEAR A SWINGING MINI DRESS ♪ ♪ THAT I MADE FOR MYSELF ♪ 1269 00:54:20,491 --> 00:54:21,901 ♪ I WEAR A SWINGING MINI DRESS ♪ ♪ THAT I MADE FOR MYSELF ♪ ♪ FROM MAMA'S KITCHEN CURTAINS 1270 00:54:21,925 --> 00:54:23,704 ♪ THAT I MADE FOR MYSELF ♪ ♪ FROM MAMA'S KITCHEN CURTAINS AND OLD BED SHEETS ♪ 1271 00:54:23,728 --> 00:54:27,006 ♪ FROM MAMA'S KITCHEN CURTAINS AND OLD BED SHEETS ♪ ♪ I GOT 17 PAGES OF TOP VALUE 1272 00:54:27,030 --> 00:54:27,741 AND OLD BED SHEETS ♪ ♪ I GOT 17 PAGES OF TOP VALUE STAMPS ♪ 1273 00:54:27,765 --> 00:54:31,077 ♪ I GOT 17 PAGES OF TOP VALUE STAMPS ♪ ♪ ONE OLD PAIR OF SHOES ♪ 1274 00:54:31,101 --> 00:54:32,779 STAMPS ♪ ♪ ONE OLD PAIR OF SHOES ♪ ♪ BUT I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO BRAG 1275 00:54:32,803 --> 00:54:35,382 ♪ ONE OLD PAIR OF SHOES ♪ ♪ BUT I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT, SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT ♪ 1276 00:54:35,406 --> 00:54:37,351 ♪ BUT I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT, SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT ♪ ♪ SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT IN 1277 00:54:37,375 --> 00:54:38,318 ABOUT, SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT ♪ ♪ SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT IN YOU ♪ 1278 00:54:38,342 --> 00:54:39,886 ♪ SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT IN YOU ♪ ♪ WELL, WHEN YOU'RE WITH THE 1279 00:54:39,910 --> 00:54:41,622 YOU ♪ ♪ WELL, WHEN YOU'RE WITH THE FELLAS, I KNOW YOU START 1280 00:54:41,646 --> 00:54:43,557 ♪ WELL, WHEN YOU'RE WITH THE FELLAS, I KNOW YOU START BRAGGING 'BOUT MY HOURGLASS 1281 00:54:43,581 --> 00:54:46,159 FELLAS, I KNOW YOU START BRAGGING 'BOUT MY HOURGLASS FIGURE AND MY BIG BROWN EYES ♪ 1282 00:54:46,183 --> 00:54:47,093 BRAGGING 'BOUT MY HOURGLASS FIGURE AND MY BIG BROWN EYES ♪ ♪ AND YOU TELL YOUR 1283 00:54:47,117 --> 00:54:48,528 FIGURE AND MY BIG BROWN EYES ♪ ♪ AND YOU TELL YOUR GIRLFRIENDS 'BOUT MY SWEET, 1284 00:54:48,552 --> 00:54:49,829 ♪ AND YOU TELL YOUR GIRLFRIENDS 'BOUT MY SWEET, SWEET LOVING ♪ 1285 00:54:49,853 --> 00:54:51,732 GIRLFRIENDS 'BOUT MY SWEET, SWEET LOVING ♪ ♪ AND THAT'S ONE FIGURE THAT 1286 00:54:51,756 --> 00:54:57,003 SWEET LOVING ♪ ♪ AND THAT'S ONE FIGURE THAT MONEY CAN'T BUY ♪ 1287 00:54:57,027 --> 00:54:58,905 ♪ AND THAT'S ONE FIGURE THAT MONEY CAN'T BUY ♪ ♪ SO LET'S GET MARRIED IN THE 1288 00:54:58,929 --> 00:55:00,607 MONEY CAN'T BUY ♪ ♪ SO LET'S GET MARRIED IN THE NOT-TOO-DISTANT FUTURE ♪ 1289 00:55:00,631 --> 00:55:02,208 ♪ SO LET'S GET MARRIED IN THE NOT-TOO-DISTANT FUTURE ♪ ♪ WE'LL RENT A LITTLE FLAT ON 1290 00:55:02,232 --> 00:55:03,677 NOT-TOO-DISTANT FUTURE ♪ ♪ WE'LL RENT A LITTLE FLAT ON 29th STREET ♪ 1291 00:55:03,701 --> 00:55:05,479 ♪ WE'LL RENT A LITTLE FLAT ON 29th STREET ♪ ♪ YOU KNOW, WE'LL HANG OUR 1292 00:55:05,503 --> 00:55:07,013 29th STREET ♪ ♪ YOU KNOW, WE'LL HANG OUR WASHING FROM THE CLOTHESLINE ON 1293 00:55:07,037 --> 00:55:07,814 ♪ YOU KNOW, WE'LL HANG OUR WASHING FROM THE CLOTHESLINE ON THE WINDOW ♪ 1294 00:55:07,838 --> 00:55:09,215 WASHING FROM THE CLOTHESLINE ON THE WINDOW ♪ ♪ WE'LL FEAST ON CORNBREAD, 1295 00:55:09,239 --> 00:55:11,885 THE WINDOW ♪ ♪ WE'LL FEAST ON CORNBREAD, BUTTER BEANS AND LUNCH MEAT ♪ 1296 00:55:11,909 --> 00:55:13,553 ♪ WE'LL FEAST ON CORNBREAD, BUTTER BEANS AND LUNCH MEAT ♪ ♪ WE WON'T HAVE A THERMOSTAT, 1297 00:55:13,577 --> 00:55:16,022 BUTTER BEANS AND LUNCH MEAT ♪ ♪ WE WON'T HAVE A THERMOSTAT, A BIG, LONG CADILLAC, BUT WE'LL 1298 00:55:16,046 --> 00:55:18,057 ♪ WE WON'T HAVE A THERMOSTAT, A BIG, LONG CADILLAC, BUT WE'LL HAVE A LOVE THAT'S TRUE ♪ 1299 00:55:18,081 --> 00:55:19,660 A BIG, LONG CADILLAC, BUT WE'LL HAVE A LOVE THAT'S TRUE ♪ ♪ AND I'LL HAVE ♪ 1300 00:55:19,684 --> 00:55:20,494 HAVE A LOVE THAT'S TRUE ♪ ♪ AND I'LL HAVE ♪ ♪ SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT ♪ 1301 00:55:20,518 --> 00:55:21,295 ♪ AND I'LL HAVE ♪ ♪ SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT ♪ ♪ YEAH, AND I'LL HAVE 1302 00:55:21,319 --> 00:55:22,862 ♪ SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT ♪ ♪ YEAH, AND I'LL HAVE SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT ♪ 1303 00:55:22,886 --> 00:55:24,798 ♪ YEAH, AND I'LL HAVE SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT ♪ ♪ SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT IN 1304 00:55:24,822 --> 00:55:28,602 SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT ♪ ♪ SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT IN YOU ♪ 1305 00:55:28,626 --> 00:55:33,061 ♪ SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT IN YOU ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1306 00:55:40,136 --> 00:55:45,452 RIGHT, MOM, AND ON THE FIFTH NIGHT, LARRY GAVE ME A BEAUTIFUL MATCHING TOP, AND THEN LAST 1307 00:55:45,476 --> 00:55:47,220 NIGHT, LARRY GAVE ME A BEAUTIFUL MATCHING TOP, AND THEN LAST NIGHT I GOT A LOVELY MATCHING 1308 00:55:47,244 --> 00:55:48,922 MATCHING TOP, AND THEN LAST NIGHT I GOT A LOVELY MATCHING PURSE, AND TOMORROW, FOR THE 1309 00:55:48,946 --> 00:55:50,657 NIGHT I GOT A LOVELY MATCHING PURSE, AND TOMORROW, FOR THE LAST NIGHT OF CHANUKAH, LARRY'S 1310 00:55:50,681 --> 00:55:52,459 PURSE, AND TOMORROW, FOR THE LAST NIGHT OF CHANUKAH, LARRY'S TAKING ME OUT TO DINNER SO I CAN 1311 00:55:52,483 --> 00:55:54,194 LAST NIGHT OF CHANUKAH, LARRY'S TAKING ME OUT TO DINNER SO I CAN WEAR THE WHOLE MATCHING OUTFIT. 1312 00:55:54,218 --> 00:55:55,529 TAKING ME OUT TO DINNER SO I CAN WEAR THE WHOLE MATCHING OUTFIT. YEAH, IT'S VERY SWEET. 1313 00:55:55,553 --> 00:55:57,130 WEAR THE WHOLE MATCHING OUTFIT. YEAH, IT'S VERY SWEET. WELL, MOM, LOOK, I'VE GOT TO 1314 00:55:57,154 --> 00:55:58,565 YEAH, IT'S VERY SWEET. WELL, MOM, LOOK, I'VE GOT TO RUN, BECAUSE WE'RE HAVING 1315 00:55:58,589 --> 00:56:00,266 WELL, MOM, LOOK, I'VE GOT TO RUN, BECAUSE WE'RE HAVING LARRY'S BOSS AND HIS WIFE OVER 1316 00:56:00,290 --> 00:56:01,568 RUN, BECAUSE WE'RE HAVING LARRY'S BOSS AND HIS WIFE OVER FOR DINNER. 1317 00:56:01,592 --> 00:56:04,170 LARRY'S BOSS AND HIS WIFE OVER FOR DINNER. YES, THEY'RE GENTILE. YEAH. 1318 00:56:04,194 --> 00:56:05,104 FOR DINNER. YES, THEY'RE GENTILE. YEAH. WELL, THEY'RE A VERY NICE 1319 00:56:05,128 --> 00:56:06,239 YES, THEY'RE GENTILE. YEAH. WELL, THEY'RE A VERY NICE COUPLE, AND I THOUGHT WE'D HAVE 1320 00:56:06,263 --> 00:56:07,341 WELL, THEY'RE A VERY NICE COUPLE, AND I THOUGHT WE'D HAVE THEM OVER FOR DINNER AND LIGHT 1321 00:56:07,365 --> 00:56:08,342 COUPLE, AND I THOUGHT WE'D HAVE THEM OVER FOR DINNER AND LIGHT THE CANDLES AND TELL THEM A 1322 00:56:08,366 --> 00:56:10,410 THEM OVER FOR DINNER AND LIGHT THE CANDLES AND TELL THEM A LITTLE ABOUT CHANUKAH. 1323 00:56:10,434 --> 00:56:12,346 THE CANDLES AND TELL THEM A LITTLE ABOUT CHANUKAH. WELL... OH, MOM, LARRY'S HOME. 1324 00:56:12,370 --> 00:56:13,279 LITTLE ABOUT CHANUKAH. WELL... OH, MOM, LARRY'S HOME. I GOT TO GO. 1325 00:56:13,303 --> 00:56:15,081 WELL... OH, MOM, LARRY'S HOME. I GOT TO GO. I GOT TO CHECK DINNER. OKAY. 1326 00:56:15,105 --> 00:56:16,850 I GOT TO GO. I GOT TO CHECK DINNER. OKAY. YEAH, WE'RE HAVING CHICKEN, 1327 00:56:16,874 --> 00:56:17,451 I GOT TO CHECK DINNER. OKAY. YEAH, WE'RE HAVING CHICKEN, RIGHT. 1328 00:56:17,475 --> 00:56:18,885 YEAH, WE'RE HAVING CHICKEN, RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. 1329 00:56:18,909 --> 00:56:20,253 RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. WE'LL CALL YOU SOON. 1330 00:56:20,277 --> 00:56:21,688 ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. WE'LL CALL YOU SOON. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. 1331 00:56:21,712 --> 00:56:23,557 WE'LL CALL YOU SOON. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. OKAY, MOM. WE'LL CALL MONDAY. 1332 00:56:23,581 --> 00:56:25,592 ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. OKAY, MOM. WE'LL CALL MONDAY. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. 1333 00:56:25,616 --> 00:56:28,662 OKAY, MOM. WE'LL CALL MONDAY. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. BYE, MOM. BYE. 1334 00:56:28,686 --> 00:56:29,963 ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. BYE, MOM. BYE. HI, HONEY! 1335 00:56:29,987 --> 00:56:31,598 BYE, MOM. BYE. HI, HONEY! BOY, AM I STARVED. 1336 00:56:31,622 --> 00:56:33,967 HI, HONEY! BOY, AM I STARVED. LARRY, WELL, WE'RE HAVING 1337 00:56:33,991 --> 00:56:35,335 BOY, AM I STARVED. LARRY, WELL, WE'RE HAVING YOUR FAVORITE. 1338 00:56:35,359 --> 00:56:36,970 LARRY, WELL, WE'RE HAVING YOUR FAVORITE. OH, ROAST PORK. 1339 00:56:36,994 --> 00:56:37,937 YOUR FAVORITE. OH, ROAST PORK. SORRY I'M LATE. 1340 00:56:37,961 --> 00:56:39,606 OH, ROAST PORK. SORRY I'M LATE. I STOPPED OFF THE LINCOLN DELI 1341 00:56:39,630 --> 00:56:41,207 SORRY I'M LATE. I STOPPED OFF THE LINCOLN DELI TO PICK UP THIS COFFEE RING. 1342 00:56:41,231 --> 00:56:42,743 I STOPPED OFF THE LINCOLN DELI TO PICK UP THIS COFFEE RING. BUT, LARRY, THE NELSONS ARE 1343 00:56:42,767 --> 00:56:43,777 TO PICK UP THIS COFFEE RING. BUT, LARRY, THE NELSONS ARE BRINGING DESSERT. 1344 00:56:43,801 --> 00:56:45,512 BUT, LARRY, THE NELSONS ARE BRINGING DESSERT. THIS IS JUST IN CASE I DON'T 1345 00:56:45,536 --> 00:56:46,780 BRINGING DESSERT. THIS IS JUST IN CASE I DON'T LIKE WHAT THEY BRING. 1346 00:56:46,804 --> 00:56:48,448 THIS IS JUST IN CASE I DON'T LIKE WHAT THEY BRING. WELL, LARRY, YOU PROMISE ME 1347 00:56:48,472 --> 00:56:50,216 LIKE WHAT THEY BRING. WELL, LARRY, YOU PROMISE ME YOU WON'T EAT IT TILL AFTER THEY 1348 00:56:50,240 --> 00:56:50,751 WELL, LARRY, YOU PROMISE ME YOU WON'T EAT IT TILL AFTER THEY LEAVE. 1349 00:56:50,775 --> 00:56:51,385 YOU WON'T EAT IT TILL AFTER THEY LEAVE. OKAY. 1350 00:56:51,409 --> 00:56:52,218 LEAVE. OKAY. ALL RIGHT, HONEY. 1351 00:56:52,242 --> 00:56:53,353 OKAY. ALL RIGHT, HONEY. NOW, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. 1352 00:56:53,377 --> 00:56:54,488 ALL RIGHT, HONEY. NOW, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. IT'S DICK AND BEVERLY, RIGHT? 1353 00:56:54,512 --> 00:56:54,921 NOW, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. IT'S DICK AND BEVERLY, RIGHT? RIGHT. 1354 00:56:54,945 --> 00:56:56,089 IT'S DICK AND BEVERLY, RIGHT? RIGHT. NOW, WHAT'D I CALL HER LAST 1355 00:56:56,113 --> 00:56:57,123 RIGHT. NOW, WHAT'D I CALL HER LAST TIME... BEV OR BEVERLY? 1356 00:56:57,147 --> 00:56:58,057 NOW, WHAT'D I CALL HER LAST TIME... BEV OR BEVERLY? I DON'T REMEMBER. 1357 00:56:58,081 --> 00:56:58,892 TIME... BEV OR BEVERLY? I DON'T REMEMBER. [DOORBELL RINGS] 1358 00:56:58,916 --> 00:56:59,826 I DON'T REMEMBER. [DOORBELL RINGS] YOU GET THE DOOR. 1359 00:56:59,850 --> 00:57:00,861 [DOORBELL RINGS] YOU GET THE DOOR. I'LL GO MAKE THE GRAVY. 1360 00:57:00,885 --> 00:57:05,999 YOU GET THE DOOR. I'LL GO MAKE THE GRAVY. OKAY. 1361 00:57:06,023 --> 00:57:08,167 I'LL GO MAKE THE GRAVY. OKAY. HI! 1362 00:57:08,191 --> 00:57:08,635 OKAY. HI! HOW ARE YOU? 1363 00:57:08,659 --> 00:57:09,369 HI! HOW ARE YOU? BOY, IT'S COLDER THAN A 1364 00:57:09,393 --> 00:57:11,337 HOW ARE YOU? BOY, IT'S COLDER THAN A WITCH'S FREEZER OUT THERE. 1365 00:57:11,361 --> 00:57:13,006 BOY, IT'S COLDER THAN A WITCH'S FREEZER OUT THERE. FRUIT FOR DESSERT. 1366 00:57:13,030 --> 00:57:15,108 WITCH'S FREEZER OUT THERE. FRUIT FOR DESSERT. WELL, THANK YOU, BEVERLY. 1367 00:57:15,132 --> 00:57:15,809 FRUIT FOR DESSERT. WELL, THANK YOU, BEVERLY. FRUIT. 1368 00:57:15,833 --> 00:57:17,444 WELL, THANK YOU, BEVERLY. FRUIT. JUST CALL ME BEV. 1369 00:57:17,468 --> 00:57:18,578 FRUIT. JUST CALL ME BEV. BEV. OKAY. 1370 00:57:18,602 --> 00:57:20,447 JUST CALL ME BEV. BEV. OKAY. DICK, GIVE ME YOUR COAT. 1371 00:57:20,471 --> 00:57:22,416 BEV. OKAY. DICK, GIVE ME YOUR COAT. OH, LET ME TAKE YOUR COAT, 1372 00:57:22,440 --> 00:57:23,182 DICK, GIVE ME YOUR COAT. OH, LET ME TAKE YOUR COAT, PLEASE. 1373 00:57:23,206 --> 00:57:24,350 OH, LET ME TAKE YOUR COAT, PLEASE. ALL RIGHT. 1374 00:57:24,374 --> 00:57:25,485 PLEASE. ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU. 1375 00:57:25,509 --> 00:57:27,353 ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU. OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 1376 00:57:27,377 --> 00:57:29,122 THANK YOU. OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. LARRY, WHERE IS YOUR 1377 00:57:29,146 --> 00:57:30,957 OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. LARRY, WHERE IS YOUR ATTRACTIVE WIFE, ANYWAY? 1378 00:57:30,981 --> 00:57:32,959 LARRY, WHERE IS YOUR ATTRACTIVE WIFE, ANYWAY? OH, HERE I AM! 1379 00:57:32,983 --> 00:57:39,433 ATTRACTIVE WIFE, ANYWAY? OH, HERE I AM! HI, DICK. HI, BEVER... 1380 00:57:39,457 --> 00:57:41,468 OH, HERE I AM! HI, DICK. HI, BEVER... BOBBI, I'LL TELL YOU, THESE 1381 00:57:41,492 --> 00:57:43,437 HI, DICK. HI, BEVER... BOBBI, I'LL TELL YOU, THESE "CHA-NOO-KUH" DECORATIONS ARE 1382 00:57:43,461 --> 00:57:44,237 BOBBI, I'LL TELL YOU, THESE "CHA-NOO-KUH" DECORATIONS ARE ADORABLE. 1383 00:57:44,261 --> 00:57:45,505 "CHA-NOO-KUH" DECORATIONS ARE ADORABLE. OH, THANK YOU. 1384 00:57:45,529 --> 00:57:47,006 ADORABLE. OH, THANK YOU. HONEY, THAT'S CHHHANUKAH. 1385 00:57:47,030 --> 00:57:48,675 OH, THANK YOU. HONEY, THAT'S CHHHANUKAH. AM I RIGHT, LARRY? 1386 00:57:48,699 --> 00:57:49,609 HONEY, THAT'S CHHHANUKAH. AM I RIGHT, LARRY? YEAH. 1387 00:57:49,633 --> 00:57:51,177 AM I RIGHT, LARRY? YEAH. CHHHANUKAH. CHHHANUKAH. 1388 00:57:51,201 --> 00:57:52,913 YEAH. CHHHANUKAH. CHHHANUKAH. OH, COME ON, EVERYBODY, BE 1389 00:57:52,937 --> 00:57:54,414 CHHHANUKAH. CHHHANUKAH. OH, COME ON, EVERYBODY, BE COMFORTABLE. 1390 00:57:54,438 --> 00:57:56,783 OH, COME ON, EVERYBODY, BE COMFORTABLE. SIT DOWN, HAVE A SEAT. 1391 00:57:56,807 --> 00:57:57,951 COMFORTABLE. SIT DOWN, HAVE A SEAT. WELL, I'M STARVED. 1392 00:57:57,975 --> 00:57:59,185 SIT DOWN, HAVE A SEAT. WELL, I'M STARVED. IS DINNER READY, HONEY? 1393 00:57:59,209 --> 00:58:00,854 WELL, I'M STARVED. IS DINNER READY, HONEY? WELL, HONEY, FIRST, I THOUGHT 1394 00:58:00,878 --> 00:58:02,856 IS DINNER READY, HONEY? WELL, HONEY, FIRST, I THOUGHT WE'D LIGHT THE CHANUKAH CANDLES. 1395 00:58:02,880 --> 00:58:04,724 WELL, HONEY, FIRST, I THOUGHT WE'D LIGHT THE CHANUKAH CANDLES. YOU SEE, BECAUSE IT'S SUNDOWN. 1396 00:58:04,748 --> 00:58:06,660 WE'D LIGHT THE CHANUKAH CANDLES. YOU SEE, BECAUSE IT'S SUNDOWN. YOU SEE, A JEWISH DAY BEGINS AT 1397 00:58:06,684 --> 00:58:08,328 YOU SEE, BECAUSE IT'S SUNDOWN. YOU SEE, A JEWISH DAY BEGINS AT SUNDOWN BECAUSE THE JEWISH 1398 00:58:08,352 --> 00:58:10,330 YOU SEE, A JEWISH DAY BEGINS AT SUNDOWN BECAUSE THE JEWISH CALENDAR DATES BACK 5,000 YEARS, 1399 00:58:10,354 --> 00:58:12,265 SUNDOWN BECAUSE THE JEWISH CALENDAR DATES BACK 5,000 YEARS, AND THE SUN WAS ALWAYS THE MOST 1400 00:58:12,289 --> 00:58:13,767 CALENDAR DATES BACK 5,000 YEARS, AND THE SUN WAS ALWAYS THE MOST RELIABLE CLOCK. 1401 00:58:13,791 --> 00:58:14,434 AND THE SUN WAS ALWAYS THE MOST RELIABLE CLOCK. YEAH. 1402 00:58:14,458 --> 00:58:16,035 RELIABLE CLOCK. YEAH. YOU KNOW, JUDAISM PREDATES 1403 00:58:16,059 --> 00:58:16,970 YEAH. YOU KNOW, JUDAISM PREDATES CHRISTIANITY. 1404 00:58:16,994 --> 00:58:18,037 YOU KNOW, JUDAISM PREDATES CHRISTIANITY. WELL, OF COURSE. 1405 00:58:18,061 --> 00:58:19,138 CHRISTIANITY. WELL, OF COURSE. JESUS WAS A JEW. 1406 00:58:19,162 --> 00:58:20,807 WELL, OF COURSE. JESUS WAS A JEW. AND IF IT HADN'T BEEN FOR 1407 00:58:20,831 --> 00:58:22,676 JESUS WAS A JEW. AND IF IT HADN'T BEEN FOR JUDAISM, THEN JESUS WOULD NEVER 1408 00:58:22,700 --> 00:58:23,543 AND IF IT HADN'T BEEN FOR JUDAISM, THEN JESUS WOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN BORN. 1409 00:58:23,567 --> 00:58:24,478 JUDAISM, THEN JESUS WOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN BORN. THAT'S RIGHT. 1410 00:58:24,502 --> 00:58:26,045 HAVE BEEN BORN. THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S WHY IT ALWAYS PUZZLED 1411 00:58:26,069 --> 00:58:29,282 THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S WHY IT ALWAYS PUZZLED ME WHY THE JEWS KILLED CHRIST. 1412 00:58:29,306 --> 00:58:31,150 THAT'S WHY IT ALWAYS PUZZLED ME WHY THE JEWS KILLED CHRIST. UH... 1413 00:58:31,174 --> 00:58:33,319 ME WHY THE JEWS KILLED CHRIST. UH... OH, NO, THAT'S... WE DIDN'T KILL 1414 00:58:33,343 --> 00:58:33,820 UH... OH, NO, THAT'S... WE DIDN'T KILL HIM. 1415 00:58:33,844 --> 00:58:35,388 OH, NO, THAT'S... WE DIDN'T KILL HIM. THE ROMANS KILLED HIM. 1416 00:58:35,412 --> 00:58:37,557 HIM. THE ROMANS KILLED HIM. NO, I BELIEVE THE JEWS KILLED 1417 00:58:37,581 --> 00:58:39,392 THE ROMANS KILLED HIM. NO, I BELIEVE THE JEWS KILLED CHRIST. 1418 00:58:39,416 --> 00:58:41,094 NO, I BELIEVE THE JEWS KILLED CHRIST. NO, THAT'S A MYTH. 1419 00:58:41,118 --> 00:58:42,963 CHRIST. NO, THAT'S A MYTH. WELL, IT DOESN'T HAVE 1420 00:58:42,987 --> 00:58:45,365 NO, THAT'S A MYTH. WELL, IT DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE CHANUKAH 1421 00:58:45,389 --> 00:58:46,099 WELL, IT DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE CHANUKAH STORY. 1422 00:58:46,123 --> 00:58:48,502 ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE CHANUKAH STORY. NOW, THIS CANDELABRA IS CALLED A 1423 00:58:48,526 --> 00:58:50,604 STORY. NOW, THIS CANDELABRA IS CALLED A MENORAH, AND THESE SEVEN CANDLES 1424 00:58:50,628 --> 00:58:52,338 NOW, THIS CANDELABRA IS CALLED A MENORAH, AND THESE SEVEN CANDLES REPRESENT THAT THIS IS THE 1425 00:58:52,362 --> 00:58:54,541 MENORAH, AND THESE SEVEN CANDLES REPRESENT THAT THIS IS THE SEVENTH NIGHT OF CHANUKAH, WHICH 1426 00:58:54,565 --> 00:58:56,209 REPRESENT THAT THIS IS THE SEVENTH NIGHT OF CHANUKAH, WHICH LASTS FOR EIGHT NIGHTS. 1427 00:58:56,233 --> 00:58:58,244 SEVENTH NIGHT OF CHANUKAH, WHICH LASTS FOR EIGHT NIGHTS. AND THIS CANDLE IS CALLED THE 1428 00:58:58,268 --> 00:58:58,778 LASTS FOR EIGHT NIGHTS. AND THIS CANDLE IS CALLED THE SHAMAS. 1429 00:58:58,802 --> 00:59:00,446 AND THIS CANDLE IS CALLED THE SHAMAS. AND YOU USE THIS CANDLE TO LIGHT 1430 00:59:00,470 --> 00:59:01,648 SHAMAS. AND YOU USE THIS CANDLE TO LIGHT ALL THE OTHER CANDLES. 1431 00:59:01,672 --> 00:59:03,149 AND YOU USE THIS CANDLE TO LIGHT ALL THE OTHER CANDLES. THE SHAMAS REPRESENTS THE 1432 00:59:03,173 --> 00:59:04,751 ALL THE OTHER CANDLES. THE SHAMAS REPRESENTS THE CANDLE THAT BURNED MIRACULOUSLY 1433 00:59:04,775 --> 00:59:05,886 THE SHAMAS REPRESENTS THE CANDLE THAT BURNED MIRACULOUSLY FOR EIGHT DAYS. 1434 00:59:05,910 --> 00:59:07,487 CANDLE THAT BURNED MIRACULOUSLY FOR EIGHT DAYS. NO, LARRY, THE SHAMAS 1435 00:59:07,511 --> 00:59:09,222 FOR EIGHT DAYS. NO, LARRY, THE SHAMAS REPRESENTS THE EVERLASTING 1436 00:59:09,246 --> 00:59:09,856 NO, LARRY, THE SHAMAS REPRESENTS THE EVERLASTING LIGHT. 1437 00:59:09,880 --> 00:59:11,925 REPRESENTS THE EVERLASTING LIGHT. YOU SEE, AROUND 150 B.C.E., THE 1438 00:59:11,949 --> 00:59:13,660 LIGHT. YOU SEE, AROUND 150 B.C.E., THE SYRIANS HAD TAKEN OVER THE 1439 00:59:13,684 --> 00:59:15,161 YOU SEE, AROUND 150 B.C.E., THE SYRIANS HAD TAKEN OVER THE TEMPLE AND ALLOWED THE 1440 00:59:15,185 --> 00:59:16,997 SYRIANS HAD TAKEN OVER THE TEMPLE AND ALLOWED THE EVERLASTING LIGHT TO GO OUT. 1441 00:59:17,021 --> 00:59:19,032 TEMPLE AND ALLOWED THE EVERLASTING LIGHT TO GO OUT. HOW CAN IT BE THE EVERLASTING 1442 00:59:19,056 --> 00:59:20,466 EVERLASTING LIGHT TO GO OUT. HOW CAN IT BE THE EVERLASTING LIGHT IF IT WENT OUT? 1443 00:59:20,490 --> 00:59:22,468 HOW CAN IT BE THE EVERLASTING LIGHT IF IT WENT OUT? LARRY, WOULD YOU LET ME TELL 1444 00:59:22,492 --> 00:59:23,336 LIGHT IF IT WENT OUT? LARRY, WOULD YOU LET ME TELL THE STORY? 1445 00:59:23,360 --> 00:59:25,471 LARRY, WOULD YOU LET ME TELL THE STORY? NOW, THE SYRIANS HAD TAKEN OVER 1446 00:59:25,495 --> 00:59:27,273 THE STORY? NOW, THE SYRIANS HAD TAKEN OVER PALESTINE, WHERE ISRAEL IS 1447 00:59:27,297 --> 00:59:29,409 NOW, THE SYRIANS HAD TAKEN OVER PALESTINE, WHERE ISRAEL IS TODAY, AND THEY HAD DEFILED THE 1448 00:59:29,433 --> 00:59:31,344 PALESTINE, WHERE ISRAEL IS TODAY, AND THEY HAD DEFILED THE TEMPLE, THE CENTER OF JEWISH 1449 00:59:31,368 --> 00:59:32,145 TODAY, AND THEY HAD DEFILED THE TEMPLE, THE CENTER OF JEWISH LIFE. 1450 00:59:32,169 --> 00:59:33,980 TEMPLE, THE CENTER OF JEWISH LIFE. NOW, THE JEWS FORMED AN ARMY, 1451 00:59:34,004 --> 00:59:35,582 LIFE. NOW, THE JEWS FORMED AN ARMY, AND EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE 1452 00:59:35,606 --> 00:59:37,450 NOW, THE JEWS FORMED AN ARMY, AND EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE OUTNUMBERED 10 TO 1, THEY WERE 1453 00:59:37,474 --> 00:59:39,152 AND EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE OUTNUMBERED 10 TO 1, THEY WERE STILL VICTORIOUS BECAUSE OF 1454 00:59:39,176 --> 00:59:40,720 OUTNUMBERED 10 TO 1, THEY WERE STILL VICTORIOUS BECAUSE OF THEIR REMARKABLE LEADER, 1455 00:59:40,744 --> 00:59:41,955 STILL VICTORIOUS BECAUSE OF THEIR REMARKABLE LEADER, JUDAH MACCABEE, OR 1456 00:59:41,979 --> 00:59:44,925 THEIR REMARKABLE LEADER, JUDAH MACCABEE, OR JUDAH "THE HAMMER" MACCABEE, WHO 1457 00:59:44,949 --> 00:59:46,760 JUDAH MACCABEE, OR JUDAH "THE HAMMER" MACCABEE, WHO WAS SO CALLED BECAUSE HE WAS 1458 00:59:46,784 --> 00:59:49,328 JUDAH "THE HAMMER" MACCABEE, WHO WAS SO CALLED BECAUSE HE WAS SUCH A STRONG SOLDIER. 1459 00:59:49,352 --> 00:59:51,031 WAS SO CALLED BECAUSE HE WAS SUCH A STRONG SOLDIER. HOORAY FOR JUDAH! 1460 00:59:51,055 --> 00:59:52,032 SUCH A STRONG SOLDIER. HOORAY FOR JUDAH! HOORAY! 1461 00:59:52,056 --> 00:59:53,466 HOORAY FOR JUDAH! HOORAY! YEAH, THANKS. 1462 00:59:53,490 --> 00:59:55,168 HOORAY! YEAH, THANKS. BOY, WHAT A VICTORY! 1463 00:59:55,192 --> 00:59:56,937 YEAH, THANKS. BOY, WHAT A VICTORY! 10 TO 1! THEY HAD US! 1464 00:59:56,961 --> 00:59:59,039 BOY, WHAT A VICTORY! 10 TO 1! THEY HAD US! THE JEWS DISCOVERED THE 1465 00:59:59,063 --> 01:00:02,008 10 TO 1! THEY HAD US! THE JEWS DISCOVERED THE EXTINGUISHED EVERLASTING LIGHT. 1466 01:00:02,032 --> 01:00:04,044 THE JEWS DISCOVERED THE EXTINGUISHED EVERLASTING LIGHT. UH-OH, THE EVERLASTING LIGHT 1467 01:00:04,068 --> 01:00:05,579 EXTINGUISHED EVERLASTING LIGHT. UH-OH, THE EVERLASTING LIGHT WENT OUT. 1468 01:00:05,603 --> 01:00:06,980 UH-OH, THE EVERLASTING LIGHT WENT OUT. HEY, HOW CAN IT BE THE 1469 01:00:07,004 --> 01:00:08,514 WENT OUT. HEY, HOW CAN IT BE THE EVERLASTING LIGHT IF IT WENT 1470 01:00:08,538 --> 01:00:08,949 HEY, HOW CAN IT BE THE EVERLASTING LIGHT IF IT WENT OUT? 1471 01:00:08,973 --> 01:00:10,617 EVERLASTING LIGHT IF IT WENT OUT? OH, THE EVERLASTING LIGHT IS 1472 01:00:10,641 --> 01:00:12,185 OUT? OH, THE EVERLASTING LIGHT IS A SYMBOL OF THE LIGHT OF FAITH 1473 01:00:12,209 --> 01:00:13,820 OH, THE EVERLASTING LIGHT IS A SYMBOL OF THE LIGHT OF FAITH THAT ALWAYS BURNS IN THE HEARTS 1474 01:00:13,844 --> 01:00:14,520 A SYMBOL OF THE LIGHT OF FAITH THAT ALWAYS BURNS IN THE HEARTS OF JEWS. 1475 01:00:14,544 --> 01:00:16,355 THAT ALWAYS BURNS IN THE HEARTS OF JEWS. OUR VICTORY TODAY PROVES THAT 1476 01:00:16,379 --> 01:00:18,324 OF JEWS. OUR VICTORY TODAY PROVES THAT THE LIGHT HAD NEVER REALLY GONE 1477 01:00:18,348 --> 01:00:18,792 OUR VICTORY TODAY PROVES THAT THE LIGHT HAD NEVER REALLY GONE OUT. 1478 01:00:18,816 --> 01:00:20,794 THE LIGHT HAD NEVER REALLY GONE OUT. WE MUST FIND SOME OIL AS SOON AS 1479 01:00:20,818 --> 01:00:22,696 OUT. WE MUST FIND SOME OIL AS SOON AS POSSIBLE TO REKINDLE THE LIGHT 1480 01:00:22,720 --> 01:00:24,230 WE MUST FIND SOME OIL AS SOON AS POSSIBLE TO REKINDLE THE LIGHT AND KEEP IT BURNING. 1481 01:00:24,254 --> 01:00:24,965 POSSIBLE TO REKINDLE THE LIGHT AND KEEP IT BURNING. OIL? 1482 01:00:24,989 --> 01:00:26,900 AND KEEP IT BURNING. OIL? OIL. 1483 01:00:26,924 --> 01:00:29,002 OIL? OIL. BUT, AMONGST THE DEVASTATION, 1484 01:00:29,026 --> 01:00:30,904 OIL. BUT, AMONGST THE DEVASTATION, THE JEWS COULD FIND ONLY ONE 1485 01:00:30,928 --> 01:00:32,839 BUT, AMONGST THE DEVASTATION, THE JEWS COULD FIND ONLY ONE VESSEL OF OIL, ENOUGH TO KEEP 1486 01:00:32,863 --> 01:00:35,341 THE JEWS COULD FIND ONLY ONE VESSEL OF OIL, ENOUGH TO KEEP THE LIGHT BURNING JUST ONE DAY. 1487 01:00:35,365 --> 01:00:36,910 VESSEL OF OIL, ENOUGH TO KEEP THE LIGHT BURNING JUST ONE DAY. WELL, I'M SORRY, JUDAH. 1488 01:00:36,934 --> 01:00:37,711 THE LIGHT BURNING JUST ONE DAY. WELL, I'M SORRY, JUDAH. THIS IS IT. 1489 01:00:37,735 --> 01:00:39,212 WELL, I'M SORRY, JUDAH. THIS IS IT. WELL, IT'S BETTER THAN 1490 01:00:39,236 --> 01:00:40,113 THIS IS IT. WELL, IT'S BETTER THAN NOTHING. 1491 01:00:40,137 --> 01:00:42,315 WELL, IT'S BETTER THAN NOTHING. SO, JUDAH REKINDLED THE 1492 01:00:42,339 --> 01:00:44,918 NOTHING. SO, JUDAH REKINDLED THE LIGHT, AND EVEN THOUGH THERE WAS 1493 01:00:44,942 --> 01:00:47,353 SO, JUDAH REKINDLED THE LIGHT, AND EVEN THOUGH THERE WAS OIL FOR ONLY ONE DAY, WHEN TWO 1494 01:00:47,377 --> 01:00:49,823 LIGHT, AND EVEN THOUGH THERE WAS OIL FOR ONLY ONE DAY, WHEN TWO DAYS HAD PASSED, THE LIGHT WAS 1495 01:00:49,847 --> 01:00:54,661 OIL FOR ONLY ONE DAY, WHEN TWO DAYS HAD PASSED, THE LIGHT WAS STILL BURNING. 1496 01:00:54,685 --> 01:00:57,130 DAYS HAD PASSED, THE LIGHT WAS STILL BURNING. HEY, LOOK, THE LIGHT'S STILL 1497 01:00:57,154 --> 01:00:57,998 STILL BURNING. HEY, LOOK, THE LIGHT'S STILL BURNING. 1498 01:00:58,022 --> 01:01:00,533 HEY, LOOK, THE LIGHT'S STILL BURNING. ARE YOU SURE THIS IS THE SAME 1499 01:01:00,557 --> 01:01:02,168 BURNING. ARE YOU SURE THIS IS THE SAME OIL WE USUALLY USE? 1500 01:01:02,192 --> 01:01:04,403 ARE YOU SURE THIS IS THE SAME OIL WE USUALLY USE? JUDAH, IT'S THE SAME OIL. 1501 01:01:04,427 --> 01:01:06,940 OIL WE USUALLY USE? JUDAH, IT'S THE SAME OIL. WELL, IT'LL GO OUT SOON. 1502 01:01:06,964 --> 01:01:10,610 JUDAH, IT'S THE SAME OIL. WELL, IT'LL GO OUT SOON. WE'VE JUST BEEN LUCKY, I'M SURE. 1503 01:01:10,634 --> 01:01:12,679 WELL, IT'LL GO OUT SOON. WE'VE JUST BEEN LUCKY, I'M SURE. BUT THE THIRD AND THEN THE 1504 01:01:12,703 --> 01:01:14,781 WE'VE JUST BEEN LUCKY, I'M SURE. BUT THE THIRD AND THEN THE FOURTH DAYS PASSED, AND STILL 1505 01:01:14,805 --> 01:01:18,451 BUT THE THIRD AND THEN THE FOURTH DAYS PASSED, AND STILL THE LIGHT BURNED. 1506 01:01:18,475 --> 01:01:20,754 FOURTH DAYS PASSED, AND STILL THE LIGHT BURNED. BOY, LOOK AT THAT LIGHT. 1507 01:01:20,778 --> 01:01:22,622 THE LIGHT BURNED. BOY, LOOK AT THAT LIGHT. THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE. 1508 01:01:22,646 --> 01:01:25,191 BOY, LOOK AT THAT LIGHT. THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE. OKAY, SOMEBODY'S SNEAKING IN 1509 01:01:25,215 --> 01:01:27,293 THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE. OKAY, SOMEBODY'S SNEAKING IN OIL WHILE THE OTHERS ARE 1510 01:01:27,317 --> 01:01:28,294 OKAY, SOMEBODY'S SNEAKING IN OIL WHILE THE OTHERS ARE SLEEPING. 1511 01:01:28,318 --> 01:01:30,496 OIL WHILE THE OTHERS ARE SLEEPING. NO, MICHAEL AND I STAYED UP 1512 01:01:30,520 --> 01:01:32,298 SLEEPING. NO, MICHAEL AND I STAYED UP ALL NIGHT JUST TO CHECK. 1513 01:01:32,322 --> 01:01:34,367 NO, MICHAEL AND I STAYED UP ALL NIGHT JUST TO CHECK. WELL, FRANKLY, RIGHT NOW, 1514 01:01:34,391 --> 01:01:38,271 ALL NIGHT JUST TO CHECK. WELL, FRANKLY, RIGHT NOW, THIS IS VERY CLOSE TO A MIRACLE. 1515 01:01:38,295 --> 01:01:39,873 WELL, FRANKLY, RIGHT NOW, THIS IS VERY CLOSE TO A MIRACLE. AND THE FIFTH DAY AND THE 1516 01:01:39,897 --> 01:01:41,607 THIS IS VERY CLOSE TO A MIRACLE. AND THE FIFTH DAY AND THE SIXTH DAY PASSED, AND STILL THE 1517 01:01:41,631 --> 01:01:45,611 AND THE FIFTH DAY AND THE SIXTH DAY PASSED, AND STILL THE LIGHT BURNED ON. 1518 01:01:45,635 --> 01:01:47,647 SIXTH DAY PASSED, AND STILL THE LIGHT BURNED ON. OKAY, THIS IS DEFINITELY A 1519 01:01:47,671 --> 01:01:48,447 LIGHT BURNED ON. OKAY, THIS IS DEFINITELY A MIRACLE. 1520 01:01:48,471 --> 01:01:50,449 OKAY, THIS IS DEFINITELY A MIRACLE. HEY, JUDAH SAYS THIS IS A 1521 01:01:50,473 --> 01:01:51,217 MIRACLE. HEY, JUDAH SAYS THIS IS A MIRACLE! 1522 01:01:51,241 --> 01:01:54,020 HEY, JUDAH SAYS THIS IS A MIRACLE! All: HOORAY! 1523 01:01:54,044 --> 01:01:56,189 MIRACLE! All: HOORAY! AND THE SEVENTH DAY PASSED, 1524 01:01:56,213 --> 01:01:58,391 All: HOORAY! AND THE SEVENTH DAY PASSED, BUT STILL THE LIGHT BURNED ON. 1525 01:01:58,415 --> 01:02:00,560 AND THE SEVENTH DAY PASSED, BUT STILL THE LIGHT BURNED ON. THEN CAME THE EIGHTH AND FINAL 1526 01:02:00,584 --> 01:02:03,362 BUT STILL THE LIGHT BURNED ON. THEN CAME THE EIGHTH AND FINAL NIGHT. 1527 01:02:03,386 --> 01:02:05,298 THEN CAME THE EIGHTH AND FINAL NIGHT. HEY, EVERYBODY, THE LIGHT 1528 01:02:05,322 --> 01:02:06,399 NIGHT. HEY, EVERYBODY, THE LIGHT JUST WENT OUT. 1529 01:02:06,423 --> 01:02:08,568 HEY, EVERYBODY, THE LIGHT JUST WENT OUT. OH, NUTS, AND I WANTED TO SEE 1530 01:02:08,592 --> 01:02:09,903 JUST WENT OUT. OH, NUTS, AND I WANTED TO SEE IT GO OUT. 1531 01:02:09,927 --> 01:02:12,371 OH, NUTS, AND I WANTED TO SEE IT GO OUT. MEN, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY. 1532 01:02:12,395 --> 01:02:14,708 IT GO OUT. MEN, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY. I THINK THAT THIS WHOLE THING, 1533 01:02:14,732 --> 01:02:16,910 MEN, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY. I THINK THAT THIS WHOLE THING, THE MIRACULOUS VICTORY, THIS 1534 01:02:16,934 --> 01:02:18,611 I THINK THAT THIS WHOLE THING, THE MIRACULOUS VICTORY, THIS MIRACLE WITH THE LIGHT... IT'S A 1535 01:02:18,635 --> 01:02:19,245 THE MIRACULOUS VICTORY, THIS MIRACLE WITH THE LIGHT... IT'S A HOLY DAY. 1536 01:02:19,269 --> 01:02:20,947 MIRACLE WITH THE LIGHT... IT'S A HOLY DAY. AND I SAY THE HOLY DAY SHOULD BE 1537 01:02:20,971 --> 01:02:22,515 HOLY DAY. AND I SAY THE HOLY DAY SHOULD BE CELEBRATED FOR EIGHT DAYS AND 1538 01:02:22,539 --> 01:02:24,184 AND I SAY THE HOLY DAY SHOULD BE CELEBRATED FOR EIGHT DAYS AND NIGHTS, BECAUSE THAT'S HOW LONG 1539 01:02:24,208 --> 01:02:25,518 CELEBRATED FOR EIGHT DAYS AND NIGHTS, BECAUSE THAT'S HOW LONG THE CANDLE BURNED. 1540 01:02:25,542 --> 01:02:27,620 NIGHTS, BECAUSE THAT'S HOW LONG THE CANDLE BURNED. AND WHAT SHOULD WE CALL THIS 1541 01:02:27,644 --> 01:02:28,421 THE CANDLE BURNED. AND WHAT SHOULD WE CALL THIS HOLY DAY? 1542 01:02:28,445 --> 01:02:29,856 AND WHAT SHOULD WE CALL THIS HOLY DAY? OH, I DON'T KNOW. 1543 01:02:29,880 --> 01:02:31,791 HOLY DAY? OH, I DON'T KNOW. WHO WILL GIVE THE HOLY DAY A 1544 01:02:31,815 --> 01:02:32,358 OH, I DON'T KNOW. WHO WILL GIVE THE HOLY DAY A NAME? 1545 01:02:32,382 --> 01:02:33,860 WHO WILL GIVE THE HOLY DAY A NAME? I WILL! 1546 01:02:33,884 --> 01:02:36,295 NAME? I WILL! OKAY, THEN, CHANUKAH, YOU 1547 01:02:36,319 --> 01:02:37,997 I WILL! OKAY, THEN, CHANUKAH, YOU NAME THE HOLY DAY. 1548 01:02:38,021 --> 01:02:39,032 OKAY, THEN, CHANUKAH, YOU NAME THE HOLY DAY. I'LL THINK ABOUT IT. 1549 01:02:39,056 --> 01:02:41,534 NAME THE HOLY DAY. I'LL THINK ABOUT IT. ALL RIGHT. 1550 01:02:41,558 --> 01:02:43,236 I'LL THINK ABOUT IT. ALL RIGHT. AND THAT'S THE STORY OF 1551 01:02:43,260 --> 01:02:45,238 ALL RIGHT. AND THAT'S THE STORY OF CHANUKAH AND WHY IT'S CELEBRATED 1552 01:02:45,262 --> 01:02:46,339 AND THAT'S THE STORY OF CHANUKAH AND WHY IT'S CELEBRATED FOR EIGHT DAYS. 1553 01:02:46,363 --> 01:02:48,174 CHANUKAH AND WHY IT'S CELEBRATED FOR EIGHT DAYS. THAT IS A BEAUTIFUL STORY, 1554 01:02:48,198 --> 01:02:48,808 FOR EIGHT DAYS. THAT IS A BEAUTIFUL STORY, BOBBI. 1555 01:02:48,832 --> 01:02:49,843 THAT IS A BEAUTIFUL STORY, BOBBI. THANK YOU. 1556 01:02:49,867 --> 01:02:51,878 BOBBI. THANK YOU. NOW, I'VE LIGHTED THE CANDLES, 1557 01:02:51,902 --> 01:02:53,880 THANK YOU. NOW, I'VE LIGHTED THE CANDLES, AND THIS IS THE PRAYER WE SAY. 1558 01:02:53,904 --> 01:02:56,850 NOW, I'VE LIGHTED THE CANDLES, AND THIS IS THE PRAYER WE SAY. BARUKH ATAH ADONAI, ELOHEINU, 1559 01:02:56,874 --> 01:02:59,753 AND THIS IS THE PRAYER WE SAY. BARUKH ATAH ADONAI, ELOHEINU, MELEKH HA'OLAM ASHER KIDISHANU 1560 01:02:59,777 --> 01:03:02,155 BARUKH ATAH ADONAI, ELOHEINU, MELEKH HA'OLAM ASHER KIDISHANU B'MITZ'VOTAV V'TZIVANU L'HAD'LIK 1561 01:03:02,179 --> 01:03:04,190 MELEKH HA'OLAM ASHER KIDISHANU B'MITZ'VOTAV V'TZIVANU L'HAD'LIK NEIR SHEL CHANUKAH. 1562 01:03:04,214 --> 01:03:05,992 B'MITZ'VOTAV V'TZIVANU L'HAD'LIK NEIR SHEL CHANUKAH. BLESSED ART THOU, OH, LORD, OUR 1563 01:03:06,016 --> 01:03:07,526 NEIR SHEL CHANUKAH. BLESSED ART THOU, OH, LORD, OUR GOD, KING OF THE UNIVERSE, 1564 01:03:07,550 --> 01:03:09,262 BLESSED ART THOU, OH, LORD, OUR GOD, KING OF THE UNIVERSE, WHO COMMANDED US TO KINDLE THE 1565 01:03:09,286 --> 01:03:10,296 GOD, KING OF THE UNIVERSE, WHO COMMANDED US TO KINDLE THE CHANUKAH LIGHTS. 1566 01:03:10,320 --> 01:03:11,364 WHO COMMANDED US TO KINDLE THE CHANUKAH LIGHTS. AMEN. 1567 01:03:11,388 --> 01:03:13,233 CHANUKAH LIGHTS. AMEN. AMEN. 1568 01:03:13,257 --> 01:03:14,868 AMEN. AMEN. YOU KNOW, USUALLY I'M PRETTY 1569 01:03:14,892 --> 01:03:21,941 AMEN. YOU KNOW, USUALLY I'M PRETTY CYNICAL ABOUT... 1570 01:03:21,965 --> 01:03:29,965 YOU KNOW, USUALLY I'M PRETTY CYNICAL ABOUT... HOLIDAYS. 1571 01:03:31,008 --> 01:03:32,318 CYNICAL ABOUT... HOLIDAYS. I GOT A LITTLE MISTY, TOO, 1572 01:03:32,342 --> 01:03:34,487 HOLIDAYS. I GOT A LITTLE MISTY, TOO, LARRY. 1573 01:03:34,511 --> 01:03:36,156 I GOT A LITTLE MISTY, TOO, LARRY. YOU KNOW, USUALLY, I'M PRETTY 1574 01:03:36,180 --> 01:03:37,623 LARRY. YOU KNOW, USUALLY, I'M PRETTY CYNICAL ABOUT THE HOLIDAY 1575 01:03:37,647 --> 01:03:39,125 YOU KNOW, USUALLY, I'M PRETTY CYNICAL ABOUT THE HOLIDAY SEASON, BUT THIS CHANUKAH 1576 01:03:39,149 --> 01:03:40,927 CYNICAL ABOUT THE HOLIDAY SEASON, BUT THIS CHANUKAH CELEBRATION JUST MIGHT MAKE THIS 1577 01:03:40,951 --> 01:03:42,461 SEASON, BUT THIS CHANUKAH CELEBRATION JUST MIGHT MAKE THIS ONE OF THE MOST MEANINGFUL 1578 01:03:42,485 --> 01:03:43,997 CELEBRATION JUST MIGHT MAKE THIS ONE OF THE MOST MEANINGFUL CHRISTMASES I'VE EVER HAD. 1579 01:03:44,021 --> 01:03:45,698 ONE OF THE MOST MEANINGFUL CHRISTMASES I'VE EVER HAD. THAT'S A NICE THING TO SAY, 1580 01:03:45,722 --> 01:03:46,199 CHRISTMASES I'VE EVER HAD. THAT'S A NICE THING TO SAY, DICK. 1581 01:03:46,223 --> 01:03:48,168 THAT'S A NICE THING TO SAY, DICK. WELL, LET'S EAT! 1582 01:03:48,192 --> 01:03:49,702 DICK. WELL, LET'S EAT! LET'S EAT! 1583 01:03:49,726 --> 01:03:51,726 WELL, LET'S EAT! LET'S EAT! EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT! 1584 01:04:18,221 --> 01:04:21,367 HI. I'VE HAD A GREAT TIME TONIGHT, AND I WANT TO THANK "SATURDAY 1585 01:04:21,391 --> 01:04:22,869 I'VE HAD A GREAT TIME TONIGHT, AND I WANT TO THANK "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" FOR HAVING ME HERE. 1586 01:04:22,893 --> 01:04:24,270 AND I WANT TO THANK "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" FOR HAVING ME HERE. I WANT TO THANK WILLIE NELSON 1587 01:04:24,294 --> 01:04:25,805 NIGHT LIVE" FOR HAVING ME HERE. I WANT TO THANK WILLIE NELSON AND ANDY KAUFMAN AND, OF COURSE, 1588 01:04:25,829 --> 01:04:27,173 I WANT TO THANK WILLIE NELSON AND ANDY KAUFMAN AND, OF COURSE, THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME 1589 01:04:27,197 --> 01:04:27,707 AND ANDY KAUFMAN AND, OF COURSE, THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME PLAYERS. 1590 01:04:27,731 --> 01:04:29,108 THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME PLAYERS. HAVE YOU ALL HAD A GOOD TIME? 1591 01:04:29,132 --> 01:04:30,643 PLAYERS. HAVE YOU ALL HAD A GOOD TIME? [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1592 01:04:30,667 --> 01:04:31,811 HAVE YOU ALL HAD A GOOD TIME? [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THANK YOU FOR COMING! 1593 01:04:31,835 --> 01:04:35,514 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THANK YOU FOR COMING! WE APPRECIATE IT. 1594 01:04:35,538 --> 01:04:38,473 THANK YOU FOR COMING! WE APPRECIATE IT. [BAND PLAYS] 1595 01:06:03,259 --> 01:06:04,426 Announcer: NEXT SATURDAY 1596 01:06:04,560 --> 01:06:05,726 NIGHT, OUR HOST WILL BE THE 1597 01:06:05,861 --> 01:06:07,595 WINNER OF "SATURDAY NIGHT 1598 01:06:07,729 --> 01:06:09,864 LIVE'S" ANYONE CAN HOST CONTEST, 1599 01:06:09,999 --> 01:06:11,967 AND OUR MUSICAL GUEST WILL BE 1600 01:06:12,101 --> 01:06:13,401 THE SEX PISTOLS. 1601 01:06:13,535 --> 01:06:15,370 UNTIL THEN, THIS IS YOUR 1602 01:06:15,504 --> 01:06:17,872 FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD ANNOUNCER, 1603 01:06:18,007 --> 01:06:21,142 DON PARDO, SAYING GOOD NIGHT. 181245