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1
00:00:01,701 --> 00:00:06,083
HI, I'M JOHN BELUSHI.
I'M JUST HAVING A CUP OF COFFEE
BEFORE THE SHOW.
2
00:00:06,107 --> 00:00:07,384
I'M JUST HAVING A CUP OF COFFEE
BEFORE THE SHOW.
IT'S KIND OF A TRADITION WITH
3
00:00:07,408 --> 00:00:08,385
BEFORE THE SHOW.
IT'S KIND OF A TRADITION WITH
ME.
4
00:00:08,409 --> 00:00:09,386
IT'S KIND OF A TRADITION WITH
ME.
[COUGHS]
5
00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:10,820
ME.
[COUGHS]
HERE AT "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE,"
6
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:12,255
[COUGHS]
HERE AT "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE,"
WE HAVE ANOTHER TRADITION THAT
7
00:00:12,279 --> 00:00:13,723
HERE AT "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE,"
WE HAVE ANOTHER TRADITION THAT
THE SHOW HAS ALWAYS OPENED WITH
8
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:15,725
WE HAVE ANOTHER TRADITION THAT
THE SHOW HAS ALWAYS OPENED WITH
THE WORDS, "LIVE FROM NEW YORK,
9
00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:16,393
THE SHOW HAS ALWAYS OPENED WITH
THE WORDS, "LIVE FROM NEW YORK,
IT'S..."
10
00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:19,062
THE WORDS, "LIVE FROM NEW YORK,
IT'S..."
WELL, YOU KNOW THE REST.
11
00:00:19,086 --> 00:00:20,763
IT'S..."
WELL, YOU KNOW THE REST.
TONIGHT, OUR PRODUCER,
12
00:00:20,787 --> 00:00:22,899
WELL, YOU KNOW THE REST.
TONIGHT, OUR PRODUCER,
LORNE MICHAELS, HAS CONVINCED
13
00:00:22,923 --> 00:00:25,902
TONIGHT, OUR PRODUCER,
LORNE MICHAELS, HAS CONVINCED
THE NBC BRASS TO LET ME SAY THE
14
00:00:25,926 --> 00:00:27,570
LORNE MICHAELS, HAS CONVINCED
THE NBC BRASS TO LET ME SAY THE
WORDS WHICH WILL START TONIGHT'S
15
00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:28,571
THE NBC BRASS TO LET ME SAY THE
WORDS WHICH WILL START TONIGHT'S
SHOW.
16
00:00:28,595 --> 00:00:29,906
WORDS WHICH WILL START TONIGHT'S
SHOW.
NOW, IT WAS NO EASY BATTLE.
17
00:00:29,930 --> 00:00:31,241
SHOW.
NOW, IT WAS NO EASY BATTLE.
I MEAN, WE'VE DONE CLOSE TO
18
00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:32,976
NOW, IT WAS NO EASY BATTLE.
I MEAN, WE'VE DONE CLOSE TO
50 SHOWS, AND THIS IS THE FIRST
19
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,744
I MEAN, WE'VE DONE CLOSE TO
50 SHOWS, AND THIS IS THE FIRST
TIME I'VE BEEN ALLOWED TO DO THE
20
00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:35,745
50 SHOWS, AND THIS IS THE FIRST
TIME I'VE BEEN ALLOWED TO DO THE
OPENING.
21
00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:37,314
TIME I'VE BEEN ALLOWED TO DO THE
OPENING.
YOU SEE, I'VE GOT A BAD
22
00:00:37,338 --> 00:00:39,082
OPENING.
YOU SEE, I'VE GOT A BAD
REPUTATION AROUND NBC AS A
23
00:00:39,106 --> 00:00:40,417
YOU SEE, I'VE GOT A BAD
REPUTATION AROUND NBC AS A
TROUBLEMAKER.
24
00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:41,584
REPUTATION AROUND NBC AS A
TROUBLEMAKER.
[COUGHS]
25
00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:43,420
TROUBLEMAKER.
[COUGHS]
THE NETWORK BRASS THINK ALL
26
00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:45,088
[COUGHS]
THE NETWORK BRASS THINK ALL
ACTORS ARE STUPID.
27
00:00:45,112 --> 00:00:47,090
THE NETWORK BRASS THINK ALL
ACTORS ARE STUPID.
SO, UH, NATURALLY, ANY ACTOR WHO
28
00:00:47,114 --> 00:00:48,958
ACTORS ARE STUPID.
SO, UH, NATURALLY, ANY ACTOR WHO
THINKS FOR HIMSELF OR HAS ANY
29
00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:50,427
SO, UH, NATURALLY, ANY ACTOR WHO
THINKS FOR HIMSELF OR HAS ANY
SORT OF INTELLECT IS A
30
00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:52,429
THINKS FOR HIMSELF OR HAS ANY
SORT OF INTELLECT IS A
TROUBLEMAKER TO THEM.
31
00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:53,563
SORT OF INTELLECT IS A
TROUBLEMAKER TO THEM.
LET'S FORGET THAT NOW.
32
00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:54,931
TROUBLEMAKER TO THEM.
LET'S FORGET THAT NOW.
I MEAN, THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT
33
00:00:54,955 --> 00:00:55,932
LET'S FORGET THAT NOW.
I MEAN, THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT
NOW.
34
00:00:55,956 --> 00:00:56,933
I MEAN, THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT
NOW.
ANYWAY, THAT...
35
00:00:56,957 --> 00:00:58,868
NOW.
ANYWAY, THAT...
I KNOW THAT MY BEING OUT HERE
36
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,737
ANYWAY, THAT...
I KNOW THAT MY BEING OUT HERE
ALONE, AT THE BEGINNING OF A
37
00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:02,605
I KNOW THAT MY BEING OUT HERE
ALONE, AT THE BEGINNING OF A
LIVE SHOW, REPRESENTS A... A
38
00:01:02,629 --> 00:01:04,774
ALONE, AT THE BEGINNING OF A
LIVE SHOW, REPRESENTS A... A
SACRED TRUST THE NETWORK HAS
39
00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:05,942
LIVE SHOW, REPRESENTS A... A
SACRED TRUST THE NETWORK HAS
BESTOWED UPON ME.
40
00:01:05,966 --> 00:01:07,710
SACRED TRUST THE NETWORK HAS
BESTOWED UPON ME.
BECAUSE, OF COURSE, THE SHOW
41
00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:09,612
BESTOWED UPON ME.
BECAUSE, OF COURSE, THE SHOW
CANNOT START UNTIL I SAY THOSE
42
00:01:09,636 --> 00:01:14,451
BECAUSE, OF COURSE, THE SHOW
CANNOT START UNTIL I SAY THOSE
WORDS.
43
00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:18,121
CANNOT START UNTIL I SAY THOSE
WORDS.
THINK OF IT.
44
00:01:18,145 --> 00:01:22,292
WORDS.
THINK OF IT.
RIGHT NOW, NBC, ONE OF THE
45
00:01:22,316 --> 00:01:24,461
THINK OF IT.
RIGHT NOW, NBC, ONE OF THE
COUNTRY'S LARGEST CORPORATIONS,
46
00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:27,797
RIGHT NOW, NBC, ONE OF THE
COUNTRY'S LARGEST CORPORATIONS,
WITH BILLIONS IN ASSETS, IS
47
00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:30,467
COUNTRY'S LARGEST CORPORATIONS,
WITH BILLIONS IN ASSETS, IS
WAITING FOR ME, A STUPID
48
00:01:30,491 --> 00:01:32,302
WITH BILLIONS IN ASSETS, IS
WAITING FOR ME, A STUPID
TROUBLEMAKING PUNK ACTOR FROM
49
00:01:32,326 --> 00:01:33,803
WAITING FOR ME, A STUPID
TROUBLEMAKING PUNK ACTOR FROM
WHEATON, ILLINOIS, TO OPEN THE
50
00:01:33,827 --> 00:01:35,972
TROUBLEMAKING PUNK ACTOR FROM
WHEATON, ILLINOIS, TO OPEN THE
SHOW.
51
00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:38,475
WHEATON, ILLINOIS, TO OPEN THE
SHOW.
WELL, I'VE GOT THEM WHERE I WANT
52
00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:42,312
SHOW.
WELL, I'VE GOT THEM WHERE I WANT
THEM.
53
00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:45,315
WELL, I'VE GOT THEM WHERE I WANT
THEM.
RIGHT IN THE PALM OF MY HAND.
54
00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:48,318
THEM.
RIGHT IN THE PALM OF MY HAND.
BUT ALTHOUGH I COULD EASILY DO
55
00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:51,988
RIGHT IN THE PALM OF MY HAND.
BUT ALTHOUGH I COULD EASILY DO
IT, I WOULD NEVER, NEVER... OH,
56
00:01:52,012 --> 00:01:53,323
BUT ALTHOUGH I COULD EASILY DO
IT, I WOULD NEVER, NEVER... OH,
WHAT'S THE WORD I'M LOOKING
57
00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:56,326
IT, I WOULD NEVER, NEVER... OH,
WHAT'S THE WORD I'M LOOKING
FOR? BETRAY THE NETWORK'S
58
00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:58,661
WHAT'S THE WORD I'M LOOKING
FOR? BETRAY THE NETWORK'S
TRUST IN ME.
59
00:01:58,685 --> 00:02:00,530
FOR? BETRAY THE NETWORK'S
TRUST IN ME.
I WILL SAY THE WORDS, "LIVE
60
00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:02,665
TRUST IN ME.
I WILL SAY THE WORDS, "LIVE
FROM NEW YORK, IT'S..." YOU KNOW
61
00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:07,670
I WILL SAY THE WORDS, "LIVE
FROM NEW YORK, IT'S..." YOU KNOW
WHAT... WHEN I'M READY.
62
00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:09,172
FROM NEW YORK, IT'S... "YOU KNOW
WHAT... WHEN I'M READY.
I WILL NOW READ A LIST OF
63
00:02:09,196 --> 00:02:10,507
WHAT... WHEN I'M READY.
I WILL NOW READ A LIST OF
DEMANDS.
64
00:02:10,531 --> 00:02:12,842
I WILL NOW READ A LIST OF
DEMANDS.
[LAUGHTER]
65
00:02:12,866 --> 00:02:16,346
DEMANDS.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
66
00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:18,014
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[CLEARS THROAT]
67
00:02:18,038 --> 00:02:20,683
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[CLEARS THROAT]
WHEN THESE DEMANDS ARE MET, I
68
00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:22,018
[CLEARS THROAT]
WHEN THESE DEMANDS ARE MET, I
WILL SAY THE WORDS THAT OPEN THE
69
00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:23,686
WHEN THESE DEMANDS ARE MET, I
WILL SAY THE WORDS THAT OPEN THE
SHOW.
70
00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:26,189
WILL SAY THE WORDS THAT OPEN THE
SHOW.
GET BACK, BOBBY.
71
00:02:26,213 --> 00:02:27,290
SHOW.
GET BACK, BOBBY.
NOW, I MEAN BUSINESS.
72
00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:28,625
GET BACK, BOBBY.
NOW, I MEAN BUSINESS.
NO, DON'T TRY AND STOP ME.
73
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,026
NOW, I MEAN BUSINESS.
NO, DON'T TRY AND STOP ME.
BOB VAN RY, ONE OF OUR STAGE
74
00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:31,361
NO, DON'T TRY AND STOP ME.
BOB VAN RY, ONE OF OUR STAGE
MANAGERS, A HECK OF A GUY.
75
00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:32,529
BOB VAN RY, ONE OF OUR STAGE
MANAGERS, A HECK OF A GUY.
LET'S HEAR IT FOR HIM.
76
00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:33,696
MANAGERS, A HECK OF A GUY.
LET'S HEAR IT FOR HIM.
A NICE GUY.
77
00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,198
LET'S HEAR IT FOR HIM.
A NICE GUY.
LET'S NOT START ANYTHING, OKAY?
78
00:02:35,222 --> 00:02:36,866
A NICE GUY.
LET'S NOT START ANYTHING, OKAY?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
79
00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:39,369
LET'S NOT START ANYTHING, OKAY?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[CLEARS THROAT]
80
00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:41,037
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[CLEARS THROAT]
FIRST DEMAND.
81
00:02:41,061 --> 00:02:42,872
[CLEARS THROAT]
FIRST DEMAND.
SEPARATE SHOWERS FOR THE MALE
82
00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:44,374
FIRST DEMAND.
SEPARATE SHOWERS FOR THE MALE
AND FEMALE CAST MEMBERS.
83
00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:46,042
SEPARATE SHOWERS FOR THE MALE
AND FEMALE CAST MEMBERS.
NOW, I, MYSELF, DON'T MIND
84
00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:47,977
AND FEMALE CAST MEMBERS.
NOW, I, MYSELF, DON'T MIND
SHOWERING WITH THE GIRLS, BUT I
85
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,879
NOW, I, MYSELF, DON'T MIND
SHOWERING WITH THE GIRLS, BUT I
KNOW THE NEW KID, BILL MURRAY,
86
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:51,214
SHOWERING WITH THE GIRLS, BUT I
KNOW THE NEW KID, BILL MURRAY,
DOESN'T LIKE IT.
87
00:02:51,238 --> 00:02:52,382
KNOW THE NEW KID, BILL MURRAY,
DOESN'T LIKE IT.
HE'S SHY.
88
00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:53,716
DOESN'T LIKE IT.
HE'S SHY.
THE GUY'S BEEN SHOWERING WITH
89
00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:55,885
HE'S SHY.
THE GUY'S BEEN SHOWERING WITH
HIS SWIM TRUNKS ON, YOU KNOW.
90
00:02:55,909 --> 00:02:57,220
THE GUY'S BEEN SHOWERING WITH
HIS SWIM TRUNKS ON, YOU KNOW.
IT'S EMBARRASSING.
91
00:02:57,244 --> 00:02:59,556
HIS SWIM TRUNKS ON, YOU KNOW.
IT'S EMBARRASSING.
BUT CAN YOU BLAME HIM?
92
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:01,057
IT'S EMBARRASSING.
BUT CAN YOU BLAME HIM?
UH, MY SECOND DEMAND.
93
00:03:01,081 --> 00:03:02,725
BUT CAN YOU BLAME HIM?
UH, MY SECOND DEMAND.
BEER FOR THE WHOLE CREW ON WORK
94
00:03:02,749 --> 00:03:03,393
UH, MY SECOND DEMAND.
BEER FOR THE WHOLE CREW ON WORK
NIGHTS!
95
00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:08,731
BEER FOR THE WHOLE CREW ON WORK
NIGHTS!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
96
00:03:08,755 --> 00:03:10,900
NIGHTS!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
MY THIRD DEMAND!
97
00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:13,903
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
MY THIRD DEMAND!
FOR MYSELF, I WANT NOTHING.
98
00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:15,738
MY THIRD DEMAND!
FOR MYSELF, I WANT NOTHING.
BUT FOR MY LOVELY NEW WIFE,
99
00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:17,474
FOR MYSELF, I WANT NOTHING.
BUT FOR MY LOVELY NEW WIFE,
JUDY, I DEMAND AN
100
00:03:17,498 --> 00:03:20,410
BUT FOR MY LOVELY NEW WIFE,
JUDY, I DEMAND AN
ALL-EXPENSE-PAID TRIP FOR TWO TO
101
00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:22,078
JUDY, I DEMAND AN
ALL-EXPENSE-PAID TRIP FOR TWO TO
THE NEXT ALI/FOREMAN FIGHT IN
102
00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:29,252
ALL-EXPENSE-PAID TRIP FOR TWO TO
THE NEXT ALI/FOREMAN FIGHT IN
KOREA, PLUS TWO RINGSIDE SEATS.
103
00:03:29,276 --> 00:03:30,253
THE NEXT ALI/FOREMAN FIGHT IN
KOREA, PLUS TWO RINGSIDE SEATS.
I CAN WAIT.
104
00:03:30,277 --> 00:03:32,422
KOREA, PLUS TWO RINGSIDE SEATS.
I CAN WAIT.
HEY.
105
00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:34,757
I CAN WAIT.
HEY.
I'VE GOT ALL NIGHT.
106
00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:35,758
HEY.
I'VE GOT ALL NIGHT.
WATCH THIS.
107
00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:37,093
I'VE GOT ALL NIGHT.
WATCH THIS.
"LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
108
00:03:37,117 --> 00:03:38,094
WATCH THIS.
"LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
THURSDAY NIGHT!"
109
00:03:38,118 --> 00:03:39,929
"LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
THURSDAY NIGHT!"
[LAUGHS]
110
00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:41,264
THURSDAY NIGHT!"
[LAUGHS]
JUST KIDDING, SUCKERS.
111
00:03:41,288 --> 00:03:42,932
[LAUGHS]
JUST KIDDING, SUCKERS.
AH.
112
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:48,438
JUST KIDDING, SUCKERS.
AH.
OOH, WHAT'S THIS?
113
00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:49,939
AH.
OOH, WHAT'S THIS?
I KNEW THE WEASELS WOULD BACK
114
00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:51,441
OOH, WHAT'S THIS?
I KNEW THE WEASELS WOULD BACK
DOWN.
115
00:03:51,465 --> 00:03:52,442
I KNEW THE WEASELS WOULD BACK
DOWN.
OH!
116
00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:53,943
DOWN.
OH!
HO HO HO.
117
00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:55,679
OH!
HO HO HO.
"DEAR JOHN, WHATEVER YOUR
118
00:03:55,703 --> 00:03:57,780
HO HO HO.
"DEAR JOHN, WHATEVER YOUR
DEMANDS ARE, THEY WILL BE MET."
119
00:03:57,804 --> 00:03:59,015
"DEAR JOHN, WHATEVER YOUR
DEMANDS ARE, THEY WILL BE MET."
HEY, WHAT DID I SAY?
120
00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:00,617
DEMANDS ARE, THEY WILL BE MET."
HEY, WHAT DID I SAY?
"BUT BEFORE WE DISCUSS THOSE
121
00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:02,686
HEY, WHAT DID I SAY?
"BUT BEFORE WE DISCUSS THOSE
DEMANDS IN GREATER DETAIL, MAY
122
00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:04,787
"BUT BEFORE WE DISCUSS THOSE
DEMANDS IN GREATER DETAIL, MAY
WE SAY HOW VERY MUCH WE ADMIRE
123
00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:07,790
DEMANDS IN GREATER DETAIL, MAY
WE SAY HOW VERY MUCH WE ADMIRE
YOUR ACTING WORK.
124
00:04:07,814 --> 00:04:09,092
WE SAY HOW VERY MUCH WE ADMIRE
YOUR ACTING WORK.
WE ENJOY ALL YOUR
125
00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:11,127
YOUR ACTING WORK.
WE ENJOY ALL YOUR
CHARACTERIZATIONS, THOUGH OUR
126
00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:13,296
WE ENJOY ALL YOUR
CHARACTERIZATIONS, THOUGH OUR
FAVORITES WOULD HAVE TO BE YOUR
127
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:16,299
CHARACTERIZATIONS, THOUGH OUR
FAVORITES WOULD HAVE TO BE YOUR
SAMURAI, YOUR BRANDO, YOUR BEE,
128
00:04:16,323 --> 00:04:17,701
FAVORITES WOULD HAVE TO BE YOUR
SAMURAI, YOUR BRANDO, YOUR BEE,
YOUR JOE COCKER, YOUR 'LIVE FROM
129
00:04:17,725 --> 00:04:19,135
SAMURAI, YOUR BRANDO, YOUR BEE,
YOUR JOE COCKER, YOUR 'LIVE FROM
NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT.'"
130
00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:20,470
YOUR JOE COCKER, YOUR 'LIVE FROM
NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT.'"
NO, WAIT, STOP!
131
00:04:20,494 --> 00:04:22,805
NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT.'"
NO, WAIT, STOP!
NO, IT'S A TRICK!
132
00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:23,973
NO, WAIT, STOP!
NO, IT'S A TRICK!
IT'S A TRICK!
133
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:25,975
NO, IT'S A TRICK!
IT'S A TRICK!
[BAND PLAYS]
134
00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:32,649
IT'S A TRICK!
[BAND PLAYS]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
135
00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:34,317
[BAND PLAYS]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Announcer: NBC's
136
00:04:34,341 --> 00:04:38,321
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Announcer: NBC's
"SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."
137
00:04:38,345 --> 00:04:41,280
Announcer: NBC's
"SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."
STARRING...
138
00:04:51,658 --> 00:04:54,459
WITH HIS SPECIAL GUEST...
139
00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:04,469
AND...
140
00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:26,157
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
JACK BURNS!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
141
00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:47,156
WHOO!
OH!
WELL, I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU, I AM
142
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,359
OH!
WELL, I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU, I AM
REALLY HAPPY TO BE HERE TONIGHT
143
00:05:49,383 --> 00:05:50,727
WELL, I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU, I AM
REALLY HAPPY TO BE HERE TONIGHT
TO HOST THE SHOW.
144
00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:52,261
REALLY HAPPY TO BE HERE TONIGHT
TO HOST THE SHOW.
I AM A LITTLE NERVOUS BECAUSE
145
00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:53,697
TO HOST THE SHOW.
I AM A LITTLE NERVOUS BECAUSE
IT'S BEEN ABOUT THREE YEARS
146
00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:55,198
I AM A LITTLE NERVOUS BECAUSE
IT'S BEEN ABOUT THREE YEARS
SINCE I'VE BEEN IN FRONT OF A
147
00:05:55,222 --> 00:05:56,232
IT'S BEEN ABOUT THREE YEARS
SINCE I'VE BEEN IN FRONT OF A
TELEVISION CAMERA.
148
00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:57,567
SINCE I'VE BEEN IN FRONT OF A
TELEVISION CAMERA.
I'VE BEEN IN THE HOME FOR
149
00:05:57,591 --> 00:05:58,901
TELEVISION CAMERA.
I'VE BEEN IN THE HOME FOR
RETIRED COMEDY TEAMS.
150
00:05:58,925 --> 00:06:00,236
I'VE BEEN IN THE HOME FOR
RETIRED COMEDY TEAMS.
AND...
151
00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:01,571
RETIRED COMEDY TEAMS.
AND...
[CHUCKLES]
152
00:06:01,595 --> 00:06:03,573
AND...
[CHUCKLES]
AND, UH, I'M ALWAYS NERVOUS ON
153
00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:04,474
[CHUCKLES]
AND, UH, I'M ALWAYS NERVOUS ON
SATURDAY NIGHT.
154
00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:06,142
AND, UH, I'M ALWAYS NERVOUS ON
SATURDAY NIGHT.
IT'S SORT OF A HANGOVER FROM MY
155
00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:06,810
SATURDAY NIGHT.
IT'S SORT OF A HANGOVER FROM MY
CHILDHOOD.
156
00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:08,812
IT'S SORT OF A HANGOVER FROM MY
CHILDHOOD.
I GREW UP IN BOSTON, AND, TO ME,
157
00:06:08,836 --> 00:06:10,647
CHILDHOOD.
I GREW UP IN BOSTON, AND, TO ME,
SATURDAY NIGHT ONLY MEANT ONE
158
00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:13,316
I GREW UP IN BOSTON, AND, TO ME,
SATURDAY NIGHT ONLY MEANT ONE
THING... GOING TO CONFESSION.
159
00:06:13,340 --> 00:06:15,652
SATURDAY NIGHT ONLY MEANT ONE
THING... GOING TO CONFESSION.
TO CONFESS YOUR SINS.
160
00:06:15,676 --> 00:06:17,053
THING... GOING TO CONFESSION.
TO CONFESS YOUR SINS.
YEAH, I CAN STILL REMEMBER THAT,
161
00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:18,388
TO CONFESS YOUR SINS.
YEAH, I CAN STILL REMEMBER THAT,
DURING THOSE COLD WINTER NIGHTS
162
00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:19,656
YEAH, I CAN STILL REMEMBER THAT,
DURING THOSE COLD WINTER NIGHTS
DOWN THERE, TRYING TO MAKE UP
163
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:20,490
DURING THOSE COLD WINTER NIGHTS
DOWN THERE, TRYING TO MAKE UP
THINGS, YOU KNOW.
164
00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:22,058
DOWN THERE, TRYING TO MAKE UP
THINGS, YOU KNOW.
AND, UH, I ALWAYS WENT TO
165
00:06:22,082 --> 00:06:23,893
THINGS, YOU KNOW.
AND, UH, I ALWAYS WENT TO
FATHER NOONAN, THOUGH, BECAUSE
166
00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,829
AND, UH, I ALWAYS WENT TO
FATHER NOONAN, THOUGH, BECAUSE
HE GAVE EASY PENANCE, YOU KNOW.
167
00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:27,263
FATHER NOONAN, THOUGH, BECAUSE
HE GAVE EASY PENANCE, YOU KNOW.
I'D SAY, UH, "FORGIVE ME,
168
00:06:27,287 --> 00:06:29,031
HE GAVE EASY PENANCE, YOU KNOW.
I'D SAY, UH, "FORGIVE ME,
FATHER, IT'S BEEN ONE WEEK SINCE
169
00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:30,166
I'D SAY, UH, "FORGIVE ME,
FATHER, IT'S BEEN ONE WEEK SINCE
MY LAST CONFESSION.
170
00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:31,835
FATHER, IT'S BEEN ONE WEEK SINCE
MY LAST CONFESSION.
I TOUCHED MYSELF ONE TIME."
171
00:06:31,859 --> 00:06:32,836
MY LAST CONFESSION.
I TOUCHED MYSELF ONE TIME."
[COUGHS]
172
00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:34,303
I TOUCHED MYSELF ONE TIME."
[COUGHS]
YOU KNOW, HE WOULD SAY, "WELL,
173
00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:35,805
[COUGHS]
YOU KNOW, HE WOULD SAY, "WELL,
UH, SAY ONE HAIL MARY AND WATCH
174
00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:36,673
YOU KNOW, HE WOULD SAY, "WELL,
UH, SAY ONE HAIL MARY AND WATCH
FIVE EPISODES OF
175
00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:38,341
UH, SAY ONE HAIL MARY AND WATCH
FIVE EPISODES OF
'GILLIGAN'S ISLAND, '" YOU KNOW.
176
00:06:38,365 --> 00:06:40,009
FIVE EPISODES OF
'GILLIGAN'S ISLAND, '" YOU KNOW.
IT WAS VERY SIMPLE.
177
00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:41,544
'GILLIGAN'S ISLAND, '" YOU KNOW.
IT WAS VERY SIMPLE.
BUT I STOPPED GOING TO
178
00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:43,480
IT WAS VERY SIMPLE.
BUT I STOPPED GOING TO
CONFESSION, GANG, AS I'M SURE
179
00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:44,681
BUT I STOPPED GOING TO
CONFESSION, GANG, AS I'M SURE
MANY OF YOU DID.
180
00:06:44,705 --> 00:06:46,182
CONFESSION, GANG, AS I'M SURE
MANY OF YOU DID.
I STOPPED GOING BECAUSE, UH,
181
00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:47,784
MANY OF YOU DID.
I STOPPED GOING BECAUSE, UH,
FATHER NOONAN LEFT THE PARISH.
182
00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:49,051
I STOPPED GOING BECAUSE, UH,
FATHER NOONAN LEFT THE PARISH.
HE DIDN'T REALLY LEAVE,
183
00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:49,686
FATHER NOONAN LEFT THE PARISH.
HE DIDN'T REALLY LEAVE,
ACTUALLY.
184
00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:51,020
HE DIDN'T REALLY LEAVE,
ACTUALLY.
HE GOT TRADED TO ST. LOUIS FOR
185
00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:53,189
ACTUALLY.
HE GOT TRADED TO ST. LOUIS FOR
FATHER GILHOOEY AND TWO NUNS TO
186
00:06:53,213 --> 00:06:54,858
HE GOT TRADED TO ST. LOUIS FOR
FATHER GILHOOEY AND TWO NUNS TO
BE NAMED AT A LATER DATE.
187
00:06:54,882 --> 00:06:56,493
FATHER GILHOOEY AND TWO NUNS TO
BE NAMED AT A LATER DATE.
BUT, UH, FATHER GILHOOEY, WHO
188
00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:58,160
BE NAMED AT A LATER DATE.
BUT, UH, FATHER GILHOOEY, WHO
CAME IN TO TAKE HIS PLACE, YOU
189
00:06:58,184 --> 00:06:59,696
BUT, UH, FATHER GILHOOEY, WHO
CAME IN TO TAKE HIS PLACE, YOU
KNOW, HE WAS SORT OF AN OLD
190
00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:01,364
CAME IN TO TAKE HIS PLACE, YOU
KNOW, HE WAS SORT OF AN OLD
REACTIONARY AND SEXUALLY
191
00:07:01,388 --> 00:07:02,365
KNOW, HE WAS SORT OF AN OLD
REACTIONARY AND SEXUALLY
MISINFORMED.
192
00:07:02,389 --> 00:07:04,200
REACTIONARY AND SEXUALLY
MISINFORMED.
UH, HE WOULD SAY, "YOU WHAT?!
193
00:07:04,224 --> 00:07:05,535
MISINFORMED.
UH, HE WOULD SAY, "YOU WHAT?!
YOU TOUCHED YOURSELF?!
194
00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:07,370
UH, HE WOULD SAY, "YOU WHAT?!
YOU TOUCHED YOURSELF?!
YOU'RE GONNA GO CRAZY!
195
00:07:07,394 --> 00:07:09,539
YOU TOUCHED YOURSELF?!
YOU'RE GONNA GO CRAZY!
BESIDES, IT PUTS HAIR ON THE
196
00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:13,376
YOU'RE GONNA GO CRAZY!
BESIDES, IT PUTS HAIR ON THE
PALM OF YOUR HAND!"
197
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:14,744
BESIDES, IT PUTS HAIR ON THE
PALM OF YOUR HAND!"
I HAD THIS DREAD FEAR OF GOING
198
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:16,145
PALM OF YOUR HAND!"
I HAD THIS DREAD FEAR OF GOING
TO THE BARBERSHOP AND, YOU KNOW,
199
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:17,447
I HAD THIS DREAD FEAR OF GOING
TO THE BARBERSHOP AND, YOU KNOW,
"UH, YOU WANT TO GIVE THIS A
200
00:07:17,471 --> 00:07:18,715
TO THE BARBERSHOP AND, YOU KNOW,
"UH, YOU WANT TO GIVE THIS A
LITTLE TRIM AROUND THE EDGES
201
00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:20,049
"UH, YOU WANT TO GIVE THIS A
LITTLE TRIM AROUND THE EDGES
THERE?
202
00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:21,384
LITTLE TRIM AROUND THE EDGES
THERE?
MAYBE A D.A. STYLE.
203
00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:22,385
THERE?
MAYBE A D.A. STYLE.
I DON'T KNOW."
204
00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:24,621
MAYBE A D.A. STYLE.
I DON'T KNOW."
YOU KNOW, BUT IT WAS ALWAYS THAT
205
00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:25,154
I DON'T KNOW."
YOU KNOW, BUT IT WAS ALWAYS THAT
WAY.
206
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:26,890
YOU KNOW, BUT IT WAS ALWAYS THAT
WAY.
EVEN OUR FOOTBALL COACH,
207
00:07:26,914 --> 00:07:28,057
WAY.
EVEN OUR FOOTBALL COACH,
COACH QUALY, WAS THE SAME.
208
00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:29,392
EVEN OUR FOOTBALL COACH,
COACH QUALY, WAS THE SAME.
HE WOULD, "I DON'T WANT ANY OF
209
00:07:29,416 --> 00:07:31,060
COACH QUALY, WAS THE SAME.
HE WOULD, "I DON'T WANT ANY OF
YOU PEOPLE TOUCHING YOURSELF
210
00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:32,228
HE WOULD, "I DON'T WANT ANY OF
YOU PEOPLE TOUCHING YOURSELF
DURING THE SEASON.
211
00:07:32,252 --> 00:07:34,163
YOU PEOPLE TOUCHING YOURSELF
DURING THE SEASON.
IF YOU DO, 9 TIMES OUT OF 10,
212
00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:36,299
DURING THE SEASON.
IF YOU DO, 9 TIMES OUT OF 10,
WHEN IT'S 4th DOWN AND INCHES TO
213
00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:38,401
IF YOU DO, 9 TIMES OUT OF 10,
WHEN IT'S 4th DOWN AND INCHES TO
GO, YOU'LL COME UP SHORT BECAUSE
214
00:07:38,425 --> 00:07:41,571
WHEN IT'S 4th DOWN AND INCHES TO
GO, YOU'LL COME UP SHORT BECAUSE
OF GENITALIA FATIGUE."
215
00:07:41,595 --> 00:07:43,306
GO, YOU'LL COME UP SHORT BECAUSE
OF GENITALIA FATIGUE."
AND THEN WHEN I WENT INTO THE
216
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:45,074
OF GENITALIA FATIGUE."
AND THEN WHEN I WENT INTO THE
MARINE CORPS, IT WAS THE SAME.
217
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:46,743
AND THEN WHEN I WENT INTO THE
MARINE CORPS, IT WAS THE SAME.
"MY NAME IS SERGEANT HENNESSY.
218
00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:47,944
MARINE CORPS, IT WAS THE SAME.
"MY NAME IS SERGEANT HENNESSY.
IF WE CATCH ANY OF YOU PEOPLE
219
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,111
"MY NAME IS SERGEANT HENNESSY.
IF WE CATCH ANY OF YOU PEOPLE
TOUCHING YOURSELF DURING BOOT
220
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:50,413
IF WE CATCH ANY OF YOU PEOPLE
TOUCHING YOURSELF DURING BOOT
CAMP, WE'LL BLOW IT AWAY WITH AN
221
00:07:50,437 --> 00:07:52,415
TOUCHING YOURSELF DURING BOOT
CAMP, WE'LL BLOW IT AWAY WITH AN
M16."
222
00:07:52,439 --> 00:07:53,683
CAMP, WE'LL BLOW IT AWAY WITH AN
M16."
THAT WOULD STRAIGHTEN YOU UP
223
00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:54,283
M16."
THAT WOULD STRAIGHTEN YOU UP
RIGHT AWAY.
224
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:55,117
THAT WOULD STRAIGHTEN YOU UP
RIGHT AWAY.
AND I DON'T KNOW.
225
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:56,486
RIGHT AWAY.
AND I DON'T KNOW.
BUT TONIGHT, WHEN I CAME ON THE
226
00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:57,821
AND I DON'T KNOW.
BUT TONIGHT, WHEN I CAME ON THE
SHOW, LORNE... I DIDN'T REALLY
227
00:07:57,845 --> 00:07:59,088
BUT TONIGHT, WHEN I CAME ON THE
SHOW, LORNE... I DIDN'T REALLY
KNOW WHAT TO TALK ABOUT, AND
228
00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:00,389
SHOW, LORNE... I DIDN'T REALLY
KNOW WHAT TO TALK ABOUT, AND
LORNE SAID, "LOOK, YOU CAN DO
229
00:08:00,413 --> 00:08:01,257
KNOW WHAT TO TALK ABOUT, AND
LORNE SAID, "LOOK, YOU CAN DO
WHATEVER YOU WANT.
230
00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:02,592
LORNE SAID, "LOOK, YOU CAN DO
WHATEVER YOU WANT.
IT'S LIVE TV."
231
00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:04,594
WHATEVER YOU WANT.
IT'S LIVE TV."
SO I THOUGHT ABOUT MY CHILDHOOD,
232
00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:05,929
IT'S LIVE TV."
SO I THOUGHT ABOUT MY CHILDHOOD,
AND I WOULD LIKE TO DO SOMETHING
233
00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:07,263
SO I THOUGHT ABOUT MY CHILDHOOD,
AND I WOULD LIKE TO DO SOMETHING
TONIGHT THAT I COULDN'T DO AS A
234
00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:08,565
AND I WOULD LIKE TO DO SOMETHING
TONIGHT THAT I COULDN'T DO AS A
CHILD BECAUSE OF MY UPBRINGING.
235
00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:09,866
TONIGHT THAT I COULDN'T DO AS A
CHILD BECAUSE OF MY UPBRINGING.
I AM GOING TO... AND IF THIS IS
236
00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:11,100
CHILD BECAUSE OF MY UPBRINGING.
I AM GOING TO... AND IF THIS IS
GOING TO OFFEND ANY OF YOU, I
237
00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:12,936
I AM GOING TO... AND IF THIS IS
GOING TO OFFEND ANY OF YOU, I
WANT YOU TO, YOU KNOW, JUST SORT
238
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,637
GOING TO OFFEND ANY OF YOU, I
WANT YOU TO, YOU KNOW, JUST SORT
OF, YOU KNOW, TURN YOUR HEADS.
239
00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:16,272
WANT YOU TO, YOU KNOW, JUST SORT
OF, YOU KNOW, TURN YOUR HEADS.
BUT I'M GONNA TOUCH MYSELF ON
240
00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:17,273
OF, YOU KNOW, TURN YOUR HEADS.
BUT I'M GONNA TOUCH MYSELF ON
LIVE TV.
241
00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:18,875
BUT I'M GONNA TOUCH MYSELF ON
LIVE TV.
AND, I MEAN, I KNOW A LOT OF YOU
242
00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:20,109
LIVE TV.
AND, I MEAN, I KNOW A LOT OF YOU
WANT TO DO THAT, RIGHT?
243
00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:22,779
AND, I MEAN, I KNOW A LOT OF YOU
WANT TO DO THAT, RIGHT?
WELL, I'M GONNA DO IT NOW.
244
00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:24,213
WANT TO DO THAT, RIGHT?
WELL, I'M GONNA DO IT NOW.
AND I'M SORRY, MOTHER, BUT THIS
245
00:08:24,237 --> 00:08:25,114
WELL, I'M GONNA DO IT NOW.
AND I'M SORRY, MOTHER, BUT THIS
IS THE WAY IT IS.
246
00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:28,451
AND I'M SORRY, MOTHER, BUT THIS
IS THE WAY IT IS.
I'M... OH, GOD!
247
00:08:28,475 --> 00:08:29,452
IS THE WAY IT IS.
I'M... OH, GOD!
OH, YEAH!
248
00:08:29,476 --> 00:08:31,621
I'M... OH, GOD!
OH, YEAH!
OH, OOH, OOH, OOH!
249
00:08:31,645 --> 00:08:34,791
OH, YEAH!
OH, OOH, OOH, OOH!
OH, OH!
250
00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:37,794
OH, OOH, OOH, OOH!
OH, OH!
YOU KNOW... WHY WOULDN'T THEY LET
251
00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:39,128
OH, OH!
YOU KNOW... WHY WOULDN'T THEY LET
US DO THAT WHEN WE WERE KIDS?
252
00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:40,463
YOU KNOW... WHY WOULDN'T THEY LET
US DO THAT WHEN WE WERE KIDS?
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.
253
00:08:40,487 --> 00:08:41,698
US DO THAT WHEN WE WERE KIDS?
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.
I WANT YOU TO STAY TUNED NOW FOR
254
00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:42,899
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.
I WANT YOU TO STAY TUNED NOW FOR
THE REST OF THE SHOW, BUT DON'T
255
00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:43,566
I WANT YOU TO STAY TUNED NOW FOR
THE REST OF THE SHOW, BUT DON'T
TOUCH YOURSELF.
256
00:08:43,590 --> 00:08:44,734
THE REST OF THE SHOW, BUT DON'T
TOUCH YOURSELF.
IF YOU DO, YOU'LL GO BLIND AND
257
00:08:44,758 --> 00:08:45,635
TOUCH YOURSELF.
IF YOU DO, YOU'LL GO BLIND AND
MISS WHAT'S HAPPENING.
258
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:47,303
IF YOU DO, YOU'LL GO BLIND AND
MISS WHAT'S HAPPENING.
ALL RIGHT, GOOD TO SEE YOU.
259
00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:50,127
MISS WHAT'S HAPPENING.
ALL RIGHT, GOOD TO SEE YOU.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
260
00:09:00,472 --> 00:09:04,988
LARRY FARBER.
WHAT?
DID YOU USE THE GUEST TOWELS?
261
00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:06,355
WHAT?
DID YOU USE THE GUEST TOWELS?
I MEAN, I JUST FINISHED CLEANING
262
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:07,056
DID YOU USE THE GUEST TOWELS?
I MEAN, I JUST FINISHED CLEANING
THAT BATHROOM.
263
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,324
I MEAN, I JUST FINISHED CLEANING
THAT BATHROOM.
OUR NEW NEIGHBORS WILL BE OVER
264
00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:09,325
THAT BATHROOM.
OUR NEW NEIGHBORS WILL BE OVER
ANY MINUTE.
265
00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:10,326
OUR NEW NEIGHBORS WILL BE OVER
ANY MINUTE.
OH, I'M SORRY, HONEY.
266
00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:11,327
ANY MINUTE.
OH, I'M SORRY, HONEY.
I'LL PUT OUT FRESH ONES.
267
00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:12,028
OH, I'M SORRY, HONEY.
I'LL PUT OUT FRESH ONES.
OH, NO, NO, NO.
268
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,195
I'LL PUT OUT FRESH ONES.
OH, NO, NO, NO.
NOW, WHAT TIME DID THEY SAY THEY
269
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:13,897
OH, NO, NO, NO.
NOW, WHAT TIME DID THEY SAY THEY
WERE COMING OVER?
270
00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:14,998
NOW, WHAT TIME DID THEY SAY THEY
WERE COMING OVER?
OH, GEE, I TALKED TO THEM ON
271
00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:15,464
WERE COMING OVER?
OH, GEE, I TALKED TO THEM ON
THE PHONE.
272
00:09:15,488 --> 00:09:16,499
OH, GEE, I TALKED TO THEM ON
THE PHONE.
I TOLD THEM TO COME OVER FOR
273
00:09:16,523 --> 00:09:17,433
THE PHONE.
I TOLD THEM TO COME OVER FOR
DRINKS ABOUT 8:00.
274
00:09:17,457 --> 00:09:18,835
I TOLD THEM TO COME OVER FOR
DRINKS ABOUT 8:00.
8:00, YOU BETTER START THE
275
00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:20,336
DRINKS ABOUT 8:00.
8:00, YOU BETTER START THE
BROILER, OR WE WON'T HAVE DINNER
276
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:21,004
8:00, YOU BETTER START THE
BROILER, OR WE WON'T HAVE DINNER
TILL 10:00.
277
00:09:21,028 --> 00:09:22,405
BROILER, OR WE WON'T HAVE DINNER
TILL 10:00.
NOW, HOW MANY ARE COMING?
278
00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:23,840
TILL 10:00.
NOW, HOW MANY ARE COMING?
WELL, I TOLD THE WHOLE
279
00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:25,842
NOW, HOW MANY ARE COMING?
WELL, I TOLD THE WHOLE
FAMILY, MR. AND MRS. COHEN, UH,
280
00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:27,076
WELL, I TOLD THE WHOLE
FAMILY, MR. AND MRS. COHEN, UH,
I BELIEVE, AND, UH, THEIR
281
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:27,977
FAMILY, MR. AND MRS. COHEN, UH,
I BELIEVE, AND, UH, THEIR
TEENAGE DAUGHTER.
282
00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:29,311
I BELIEVE, AND, UH, THEIR
TEENAGE DAUGHTER.
OH, WELL, WHAT ARE THEIR
283
00:09:29,335 --> 00:09:30,013
TEENAGE DAUGHTER.
OH, WELL, WHAT ARE THEIR
FIRST NAMES?
284
00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:31,180
OH, WELL, WHAT ARE THEIR
FIRST NAMES?
GEE, I FORGOT TO ASK.
285
00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:32,181
FIRST NAMES?
GEE, I FORGOT TO ASK.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
286
00:09:32,205 --> 00:09:33,182
GEE, I FORGOT TO ASK.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
OH, WAIT A MINUTE.
287
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:34,183
[DOORBELL RINGS]
OH, WAIT A MINUTE.
THERE THEY ARE.
288
00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:36,519
OH, WAIT A MINUTE.
THERE THEY ARE.
OKAY, JUST...
289
00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:38,810
THERE THEY ARE.
OKAY, JUST...
GREETINGS.
290
00:09:53,859 --> 00:10:01,859
OH, HI.
LARRY, IT'S OUR NEW NEIGHBORS.
UH, I'M BOBBI FARBER, AND THIS
291
00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:03,880
LARRY, IT'S OUR NEW NEIGHBORS.
UH, I'M BOBBI FARBER, AND THIS
IS MY HUSBAND, LARRY.
292
00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:05,214
UH, I'M BOBBI FARBER, AND THIS
IS MY HUSBAND, LARRY.
HI, HOW ARE YOU?
293
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:06,716
IS MY HUSBAND, LARRY.
HI, HOW ARE YOU?
YOU CAN JUST CALL ME "THE FARB."
294
00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:10,386
HI, HOW ARE YOU?
YOU CAN JUST CALL ME "THE FARB."
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
295
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:11,253
YOU CAN JUST CALL ME "THE FARB."
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
I AM BELDAR.
296
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:12,689
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
I AM BELDAR.
THIS IS PRYMATT AND CONNIE.
297
00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:14,223
I AM BELDAR.
THIS IS PRYMATT AND CONNIE.
I TRUST WE HAVE ARRIVED AT THE
298
00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:16,559
THIS IS PRYMATT AND CONNIE.
I TRUST WE HAVE ARRIVED AT THE
PREDESIGNATED TIME COORDINATES.
299
00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:18,260
I TRUST WE HAVE ARRIVED AT THE
PREDESIGNATED TIME COORDINATES.
WELL, ACTUALLY, YOU'RE A BIT
300
00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:19,562
PREDESIGNATED TIME COORDINATES.
WELL, ACTUALLY, YOU'RE A BIT
EARLY, BUT THAT'S OKAY.
301
00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:21,230
WELL, ACTUALLY, YOU'RE A BIT
EARLY, BUT THAT'S OKAY.
UH, LOOK, COME ON IN AND SIT
302
00:10:21,254 --> 00:10:21,731
EARLY, BUT THAT'S OKAY.
UH, LOOK, COME ON IN AND SIT
DOWN.
303
00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:23,066
UH, LOOK, COME ON IN AND SIT
DOWN.
JUST DON'T PUT YOUR FEET ON THE
304
00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:23,566
DOWN.
JUST DON'T PUT YOUR FEET ON THE
FURNITURE.
305
00:10:23,590 --> 00:10:24,734
JUST DON'T PUT YOUR FEET ON THE
FURNITURE.
THAT'S THE ONLY RULE WE HAVE
306
00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:25,401
FURNITURE.
THAT'S THE ONLY RULE WE HAVE
AROUND HERE.
307
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:26,069
THAT'S THE ONLY RULE WE HAVE
AROUND HERE.
[CHUCKLES]
308
00:10:26,093 --> 00:10:27,236
AROUND HERE.
[CHUCKLES]
OTHER THAN THAT, YOU CAN GO
309
00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:27,737
[CHUCKLES]
OTHER THAN THAT, YOU CAN GO
CRAZY.
310
00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:30,239
OTHER THAN THAT, YOU CAN GO
CRAZY.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
311
00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:31,574
CRAZY.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
UH, COHEN, COHEN.
312
00:10:31,598 --> 00:10:33,576
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
UH, COHEN, COHEN.
IS THAT SPELLED WITH AN "H"?
313
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:34,744
UH, COHEN, COHEN.
IS THAT SPELLED WITH AN "H"?
CONEHEAD.
314
00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:36,079
IS THAT SPELLED WITH AN "H"?
CONEHEAD.
THE NAME IS CONEHEAD.
315
00:10:36,103 --> 00:10:37,914
CONEHEAD.
THE NAME IS CONEHEAD.
WE COME FROM FRANCE.
316
00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:40,917
THE NAME IS CONEHEAD.
WE COME FROM FRANCE.
OH!
317
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:42,251
WE COME FROM FRANCE.
OH!
OH, FRANCE.
318
00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:44,587
OH!
OH, FRANCE.
WELL, THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.
319
00:10:44,611 --> 00:10:45,755
OH, FRANCE.
WELL, THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.
[CLEARS THROAT]
320
00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:47,924
WELL, THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.
[CLEARS THROAT]
SO, UH, YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA
321
00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:49,092
[CLEARS THROAT]
SO, UH, YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA
LIKE YOUR NEW HOUSE?
322
00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:50,860
SO, UH, YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA
LIKE YOUR NEW HOUSE?
IT WILL BE MORE THAN ADEQUATE
323
00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:51,494
LIKE YOUR NEW HOUSE?
IT WILL BE MORE THAN ADEQUATE
SHELTER.
324
00:10:51,518 --> 00:10:53,262
IT WILL BE MORE THAN ADEQUATE
SHELTER.
IT IS ALSO VISUALLY PLEASING.
325
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:54,731
SHELTER.
IT IS ALSO VISUALLY PLEASING.
WHY WAS IT GLOWING LAST
326
00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:55,264
IT IS ALSO VISUALLY PLEASING.
WHY WAS IT GLOWING LAST
NIGHT?
327
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:56,599
WHY WAS IT GLOWING LAST
NIGHT?
YEAH, UH, WELL, UH, SAY, HOW
328
00:10:56,623 --> 00:10:57,299
NIGHT?
YEAH, UH, WELL, UH, SAY, HOW
ABOUT A DRINK?
329
00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:58,234
YEAH, UH, WELL, UH, SAY, HOW
ABOUT A DRINK?
WHAT DO YOU SAY, HUH?
330
00:10:58,258 --> 00:10:59,102
ABOUT A DRINK?
WHAT DO YOU SAY, HUH?
HOW ABOUT A DRINK?
331
00:10:59,126 --> 00:10:59,936
WHAT DO YOU SAY, HUH?
HOW ABOUT A DRINK?
MOST CERTAINLY.
332
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,337
HOW ABOUT A DRINK?
MOST CERTAINLY.
WE WOULD ENJOY CONSUMING MASS
333
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:02,839
MOST CERTAINLY.
WE WOULD ENJOY CONSUMING MASS
QUANTITIES OF ANY SUBSTANCE YOU
334
00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:03,606
WE WOULD ENJOY CONSUMING MASS
QUANTITIES OF ANY SUBSTANCE YOU
HAVE TO OFFER.
335
00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:04,941
QUANTITIES OF ANY SUBSTANCE YOU
HAVE TO OFFER.
YES, I DIG LIQUIDS.
336
00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:06,442
HAVE TO OFFER.
YES, I DIG LIQUIDS.
WELL, COME ON.
337
00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:07,944
YES, I DIG LIQUIDS.
WELL, COME ON.
COME ON, PRYMATT.
338
00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:09,278
WELL, COME ON.
COME ON, PRYMATT.
COME WITH ME TO THE KITCHEN.
339
00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:12,949
COME ON, PRYMATT.
COME WITH ME TO THE KITCHEN.
I... I JUST REMODELED.
340
00:11:12,973 --> 00:11:14,617
COME WITH ME TO THE KITCHEN.
I... I JUST REMODELED.
VERY, VERY ATTRACTIVE WIFE
341
00:11:14,641 --> 00:11:16,285
I... I JUST REMODELED.
VERY, VERY ATTRACTIVE WIFE
YOU HAVE THERE.
342
00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:23,960
VERY, VERY ATTRACTIVE WIFE
YOU HAVE THERE.
SHE'S QUITE A... QUITE A...
343
00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:26,295
YOU HAVE THERE.
SHE'S QUITE A... QUITE A...
HEY, UH, THAT'S ANOTHER RULE
344
00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:28,965
SHE'S QUITE A... QUITE A...
HEY, UH, THAT'S ANOTHER RULE
WE'VE GOT.
345
00:11:28,989 --> 00:11:31,634
HEY, UH, THAT'S ANOTHER RULE
WE'VE GOT.
YEAH, YO.
346
00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:33,803
WE'VE GOT.
YEAH, YO.
HEY, UH, BELDAR, THAT'S A...
347
00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:34,804
YEAH, YO.
HEY, UH, BELDAR, THAT'S A...
[COUGHS]
348
00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:36,139
HEY, UH, BELDAR, THAT'S A...
[COUGHS]
THAT'S ANOTHER RULE WE HAVE
349
00:11:36,163 --> 00:11:37,473
[COUGHS]
THAT'S ANOTHER RULE WE HAVE
AROUND THE FARBER HOUSEHOLD.
350
00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:38,074
THAT'S ANOTHER RULE WE HAVE
AROUND THE FARBER HOUSEHOLD.
NO SMOKING.
351
00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:39,341
AROUND THE FARBER HOUSEHOLD.
NO SMOKING.
YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST SOMETHING
352
00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:40,143
NO SMOKING.
YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST SOMETHING
THAT BOTHERS ME.
353
00:11:40,167 --> 00:11:41,310
YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST SOMETHING
THAT BOTHERS ME.
I WILL COMPLY.
354
00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:42,311
THAT BOTHERS ME.
I WILL COMPLY.
THANK YOU.
355
00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:43,646
I WILL COMPLY.
THANK YOU.
I MEAN, UH, THERE'S NO SMOKING,
356
00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:44,847
THANK YOU.
I MEAN, UH, THERE'S NO SMOKING,
NO PUTTING YOUR FEET ON THE
357
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:45,247
I MEAN, UH, THERE'S NO SMOKING,
NO PUTTING YOUR FEET ON THE
TABLE.
358
00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:46,649
NO PUTTING YOUR FEET ON THE
TABLE.
I MEAN, OTHER THAN THAT, YOU CAN
359
00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:47,316
TABLE.
I MEAN, OTHER THAN THAT, YOU CAN
GO NUTS HERE.
360
00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:48,317
I MEAN, OTHER THAN THAT, YOU CAN
GO NUTS HERE.
[CHUCKLES]
361
00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:49,786
GO NUTS HERE.
[CHUCKLES]
WHAT IS THIS CUBICLE OBJECT?
362
00:11:49,810 --> 00:11:51,020
[CHUCKLES]
WHAT IS THIS CUBICLE OBJECT?
OH, OH, THOSE ARE SOME
363
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,421
WHAT IS THIS CUBICLE OBJECT?
OH, OH, THOSE ARE SOME
PICTURES THAT, UH, WE TOOK ON
364
00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:53,656
OH, OH, THOSE ARE SOME
PICTURES THAT, UH, WE TOOK ON
OUR TRIP TO DISNEY WORLD.
365
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:55,158
PICTURES THAT, UH, WE TOOK ON
OUR TRIP TO DISNEY WORLD.
DISNEY WORLD?
366
00:11:55,182 --> 00:11:56,625
OUR TRIP TO DISNEY WORLD.
DISNEY WORLD?
YES, A VAST MAN-MADE
367
00:11:56,649 --> 00:11:58,427
DISNEY WORLD?
YES, A VAST MAN-MADE
CONSTRUCTION WHICH DUPLICATES
368
00:11:58,451 --> 00:12:00,262
YES, A VAST MAN-MADE
CONSTRUCTION WHICH DUPLICATES
HUMAN PSYCHOSEXUAL EXPERIENCES
369
00:12:00,286 --> 00:12:01,831
CONSTRUCTION WHICH DUPLICATES
HUMAN PSYCHOSEXUAL EXPERIENCES
THROUGH TENSION-RELEASING
370
00:12:01,855 --> 00:12:03,332
HUMAN PSYCHOSEXUAL EXPERIENCES
THROUGH TENSION-RELEASING
FANTASY MECHANISMS.
371
00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:05,001
THROUGH TENSION-RELEASING
FANTASY MECHANISMS.
YEAH, THAT'S ME ON THE
372
00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:06,502
FANTASY MECHANISMS.
YEAH, THAT'S ME ON THE
PIRATE RIDE HERE.
373
00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:08,938
YEAH, THAT'S ME ON THE
PIRATE RIDE HERE.
SIMILAR TO THE VACTROTH PODS
374
00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:10,006
PIRATE RIDE HERE.
SIMILAR TO THE VACTROTH PODS
OF REMULAK.
375
00:12:10,030 --> 00:12:11,340
SIMILAR TO THE VACTROTH PODS
OF REMULAK.
YEAH, REMULAK.
376
00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:12,675
OF REMULAK.
YEAH, REMULAK.
WHAT IS THAT, A COUGH MEDICINE?
377
00:12:12,699 --> 00:12:14,510
YEAH, REMULAK.
WHAT IS THAT, A COUGH MEDICINE?
NO, IT'S A SMALL TOWN IN
378
00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:15,178
WHAT IS THAT, A COUGH MEDICINE?
NO, IT'S A SMALL TOWN IN
FRANCE.
379
00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:16,512
NO, IT'S A SMALL TOWN IN
FRANCE.
OH, RIGHT.
380
00:12:16,536 --> 00:12:18,647
FRANCE.
OH, RIGHT.
WELL, EVERYBODY, HERE'S THE
381
00:12:18,671 --> 00:12:19,381
OH, RIGHT.
WELL, EVERYBODY, HERE'S THE
DRINKS.
382
00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:20,683
WELL, EVERYBODY, HERE'S THE
DRINKS.
HAVE ONE OR TWO.
383
00:12:20,707 --> 00:12:22,451
DRINKS.
HAVE ONE OR TWO.
RIGHT, YOU KNOW, LARRY USED TO
384
00:12:22,475 --> 00:12:24,353
HAVE ONE OR TWO.
RIGHT, YOU KNOW, LARRY USED TO
BE A SEMIPROFESSIONAL BARTENDER.
385
00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:26,189
RIGHT, YOU KNOW, LARRY USED TO
BE A SEMIPROFESSIONAL BARTENDER.
OH, COME ON, I DO IT...
386
00:12:26,213 --> 00:12:28,191
BE A SEMIPROFESSIONAL BARTENDER.
OH, COME ON, I DO IT...
I DO IT TWICE A YEAR FOR THE
387
00:12:28,215 --> 00:12:28,858
OH, COME ON, I DO IT...
I DO IT TWICE A YEAR FOR THE
VFW.
388
00:12:28,882 --> 00:12:31,861
I DO IT TWICE A YEAR FOR THE
VFW.
OH, RIGHT.
389
00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:32,528
VFW.
OH, RIGHT.
OH.
390
00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:34,864
OH, RIGHT.
OH.
BOY, YOU PEOPLE SURE KNOW HOW
391
00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:37,533
OH.
BOY, YOU PEOPLE SURE KNOW HOW
TO SUCK IT BACK, DON'T YOU, HUH?
392
00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:39,702
BOY, YOU PEOPLE SURE KNOW HOW
TO SUCK IT BACK, DON'T YOU, HUH?
WHERE DO YOU PUT IT ALL, HUH?
393
00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:41,537
TO SUCK IT BACK, DON'T YOU, HUH?
WHERE DO YOU PUT IT ALL, HUH?
LARRY, LARRY, LARRY.
394
00:12:41,561 --> 00:12:43,572
WHERE DO YOU PUT IT ALL, HUH?
LARRY, LARRY, LARRY.
WHY... WHY... WHY DON'T YOU HAVE
395
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:44,874
LARRY, LARRY, LARRY.
WHY... WHY... WHY DON'T YOU HAVE
SOME CHIPS AND DIP?
396
00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:47,210
WHY... WHY... WHY DON'T YOU HAVE
SOME CHIPS AND DIP?
ENJOY YOURSELVES.
397
00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:48,211
SOME CHIPS AND DIP?
ENJOY YOURSELVES.
OH, HERE.
398
00:12:48,235 --> 00:12:50,213
ENJOY YOURSELVES.
OH, HERE.
WATCH THE TABLE.
399
00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:52,882
OH, HERE.
WATCH THE TABLE.
LARRY, LARRY, STOP IT.
400
00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:55,051
WATCH THE TABLE.
LARRY, LARRY, STOP IT.
OH, LARRY, NOW, I DON'T WANT YOU
401
00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:56,219
LARRY, LARRY, STOP IT.
OH, LARRY, NOW, I DON'T WANT YOU
TO DRINK...
402
00:12:56,243 --> 00:12:57,553
OH, LARRY, NOW, I DON'T WANT YOU
TO DRINK...
LARRY, DON'T DRINK TOO MUCH.
403
00:12:57,577 --> 00:12:59,088
TO DRINK...
LARRY, DON'T DRINK TOO MUCH.
NOW, YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED
404
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,689
LARRY, DON'T DRINK TOO MUCH.
NOW, YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED
TO ME LAST YEAR WHEN I DRANK ALL
405
00:13:00,713 --> 00:13:02,125
NOW, YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED
TO ME LAST YEAR WHEN I DRANK ALL
THAT KAHLúA AND ATE ALL THOSE
406
00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:02,725
TO ME LAST YEAR WHEN I DRANK ALL
THAT KAHLúA AND ATE ALL THOSE
SCALLOPS.
407
00:13:02,749 --> 00:13:04,727
THAT KAHLúA AND ATE ALL THOSE
SCALLOPS.
WOW, BOY, DID SHE GET SICK.
408
00:13:04,751 --> 00:13:06,229
SCALLOPS.
WOW, BOY, DID SHE GET SICK.
AND GUESS WHO HAD TO CLEAN IT
409
00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:07,563
WOW, BOY, DID SHE GET SICK.
AND GUESS WHO HAD TO CLEAN IT
UP.
410
00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:08,898
AND GUESS WHO HAD TO CLEAN IT
UP.
YOU HAD TO SEE IT.
411
00:13:08,922 --> 00:13:10,900
UP.
YOU HAD TO SEE IT.
SCALLOPS AND KAHLúA ALL OVER THE
412
00:13:10,924 --> 00:13:12,068
YOU HAD TO SEE IT.
SCALLOPS AND KAHLúA ALL OVER THE
BATHROOM FLOOR.
413
00:13:12,092 --> 00:13:13,069
SCALLOPS AND KAHLúA ALL OVER THE
BATHROOM FLOOR.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
414
00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:18,074
BATHROOM FLOOR.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
[CONEHEADS LAUGH LOUDLY]
415
00:13:18,098 --> 00:13:19,408
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
[CONEHEADS LAUGH LOUDLY]
THAT WAS FUNNY.
416
00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:22,578
[CONEHEADS LAUGH LOUDLY]
THAT WAS FUNNY.
WOW, GEE, WE'RE STILL AROUND
417
00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:24,580
THAT WAS FUNNY.
WOW, GEE, WE'RE STILL AROUND
AN HOUR AWAY FROM DINNER.
418
00:13:24,604 --> 00:13:25,915
WOW, GEE, WE'RE STILL AROUND
AN HOUR AWAY FROM DINNER.
WHY DON'T WE PLAY A LITTLE
419
00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:26,515
AN HOUR AWAY FROM DINNER.
WHY DON'T WE PLAY A LITTLE
SCRABBLE?
420
00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:27,216
WHY DON'T WE PLAY A LITTLE
SCRABBLE?
SCRABBLE?
421
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:27,917
SCRABBLE?
SCRABBLE?
SCRABBLE?
422
00:13:27,941 --> 00:13:29,585
SCRABBLE?
SCRABBLE?
SMALL ROCKS FOR PAVING ROADS?
423
00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:30,920
SCRABBLE?
SMALL ROCKS FOR PAVING ROADS?
NO, NO, THAT'S GRAVEL.
424
00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:32,155
SMALL ROCKS FOR PAVING ROADS?
NO, NO, THAT'S GRAVEL.
UM, YOU KNOW SCRABBLE.
425
00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:32,922
NO, NO, THAT'S GRAVEL.
UM, YOU KNOW SCRABBLE.
IT'S A GAME.
426
00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:34,290
UM, YOU KNOW SCRABBLE.
IT'S A GAME.
HAVEN'T YOU EVER HEARD OF
427
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:34,924
IT'S A GAME.
HAVEN'T YOU EVER HEARD OF
SCRABBLE?
428
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:36,259
HAVEN'T YOU EVER HEARD OF
SCRABBLE?
DO YOU HAVE AN INSTRUCTION
429
00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:36,926
SCRABBLE?
DO YOU HAVE AN INSTRUCTION
MANUAL?
430
00:13:36,950 --> 00:13:38,928
DO YOU HAVE AN INSTRUCTION
MANUAL?
OH, YES, ONE SECOND.
431
00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:39,929
MANUAL?
OH, YES, ONE SECOND.
YEAH, WE DO.
432
00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:41,097
OH, YES, ONE SECOND.
YEAH, WE DO.
IT'S WRITTEN RIGHT IN HERE.
433
00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:42,098
YEAH, WE DO.
IT'S WRITTEN RIGHT IN HERE.
HERE YOU GO.
434
00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:43,266
IT'S WRITTEN RIGHT IN HERE.
HERE YOU GO.
RIGHT THERE ON THE BACK.
435
00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:44,267
HERE YOU GO.
RIGHT THERE ON THE BACK.
ALL RIGHT.
436
00:13:44,291 --> 00:13:47,270
RIGHT THERE ON THE BACK.
ALL RIGHT.
[LOUD BEEP]
437
00:13:47,294 --> 00:13:50,273
ALL RIGHT.
[LOUD BEEP]
[LOUD BEEP]
438
00:13:50,297 --> 00:13:51,440
[LOUD BEEP]
[LOUD BEEP]
[LOUD BEEP]
439
00:13:51,464 --> 00:13:52,608
[LOUD BEEP]
[LOUD BEEP]
SCRABBLE, SCRABBLE, SCRABBLE,
440
00:13:52,632 --> 00:13:53,776
[LOUD BEEP]
SCRABBLE, SCRABBLE, SCRABBLE,
SCRABBLE, SCRABBLE, SCRABBLE,
441
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:54,944
SCRABBLE, SCRABBLE, SCRABBLE,
SCRABBLE, SCRABBLE, SCRABBLE,
SCRABBLE, SCRABBLE.
442
00:13:54,968 --> 00:13:56,612
SCRABBLE, SCRABBLE, SCRABBLE,
SCRABBLE, SCRABBLE.
I'LL KEEP SCORE, OKAY.
443
00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:57,947
SCRABBLE, SCRABBLE.
I'LL KEEP SCORE, OKAY.
YOU KEEP SCORE, LARRY.
444
00:13:57,971 --> 00:13:59,448
I'LL KEEP SCORE, OKAY.
YOU KEEP SCORE, LARRY.
I'LL KEEP SOME SCORE HERE.
445
00:13:59,472 --> 00:14:01,617
YOU KEEP SCORE, LARRY.
I'LL KEEP SOME SCORE HERE.
YOU CATCH ON PRETTY FAST, YOU
446
00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:02,118
I'LL KEEP SOME SCORE HERE.
YOU CATCH ON PRETTY FAST, YOU
KNOW.
447
00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:03,119
YOU CATCH ON PRETTY FAST, YOU
KNOW.
LET US COMMENCE.
448
00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:03,786
KNOW.
LET US COMMENCE.
OKAY.
449
00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:04,954
LET US COMMENCE.
OKAY.
OH, WAIT A MINUTE.
450
00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:06,289
OKAY.
OH, WAIT A MINUTE.
I HAVE A WORD HERE.
451
00:14:06,313 --> 00:14:07,623
OH, WAIT A MINUTE.
I HAVE A WORD HERE.
I'LL GO FIRST.
452
00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:12,795
I HAVE A WORD HERE.
I'LL GO FIRST.
F-R-E-S-C-A.
453
00:14:12,819 --> 00:14:14,130
I'LL GO FIRST.
F-R-E-S-C-A.
"FRESCA."
454
00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:16,465
F-R-E-S-C-A.
"FRESCA."
HOLD IT, HOLD IT.
455
00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:18,134
"FRESCA."
HOLD IT, HOLD IT.
YOU CAN'T USE THAT.
456
00:14:18,158 --> 00:14:19,302
HOLD IT, HOLD IT.
YOU CAN'T USE THAT.
WHY NOT?
457
00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:21,137
YOU CAN'T USE THAT.
WHY NOT?
'CAUSE IT'S A SOFT DRINK.
458
00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:22,138
WHY NOT?
'CAUSE IT'S A SOFT DRINK.
SO WHAT?
459
00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:25,474
'CAUSE IT'S A SOFT DRINK.
SO WHAT?
OKAY.
460
00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:30,980
SO WHAT?
OKAY.
S-E-B-F-A-R-G.
461
00:14:31,004 --> 00:14:33,649
OKAY.
S-E-B-F-A-R-G.
"SEBFARG."
462
00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:37,653
S-E-B-F-A-R-G.
"SEBFARG."
HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT.
463
00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:38,988
"SEBFARG."
HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT.
NOW, WHAT'S A SEBFARG?
464
00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:40,656
HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT.
NOW, WHAT'S A SEBFARG?
SEBFARG... ONE OF THE 10
465
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,524
NOW, WHAT'S A SEBFARG?
SEBFARG... ONE OF THE 10
PROTOIDS, SELF-REPRODUCING FUEL
466
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,260
SEBFARG... ONE OF THE 10
PROTOIDS, SELF-REPRODUCING FUEL
SOURCE USED IN OUR EARLY STAR
467
00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:44,994
PROTOIDS, SELF-REPRODUCING FUEL
SOURCE USED IN OUR EARLY STAR
CRUISERS.
468
00:14:45,018 --> 00:14:46,162
SOURCE USED IN OUR EARLY STAR
CRUISERS.
IN FRANCE.
469
00:14:46,186 --> 00:14:46,829
CRUISERS.
IN FRANCE.
YES.
470
00:14:46,853 --> 00:14:47,496
IN FRANCE.
YES.
OKAY.
471
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:48,497
YES.
OKAY.
OH, I SEE.
472
00:14:48,521 --> 00:14:49,665
OKAY.
OH, I SEE.
HOW MANY YOU GOT THERE?
473
00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:51,000
OH, I SEE.
HOW MANY YOU GOT THERE?
1, 2...
474
00:14:51,024 --> 00:14:56,505
HOW MANY YOU GOT THERE?
1, 2...
K-L-A-T-U.
475
00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:57,673
1, 2...
K-L-A-T-U.
"KLATU."
476
00:14:57,697 --> 00:14:58,341
K-L-A-T-U.
"KLATU."
AH.
477
00:14:58,365 --> 00:14:59,876
"KLATU."
AH.
HEY, MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T PLAY
478
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:01,344
AH.
HEY, MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T PLAY
THIS GAME IF WE KEEP USING
479
00:15:01,368 --> 00:15:02,178
HEY, MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T PLAY
THIS GAME IF WE KEEP USING
FRENCH WORDS.
480
00:15:02,202 --> 00:15:03,012
THIS GAME IF WE KEEP USING
FRENCH WORDS.
I DON'T KNOW.
481
00:15:03,036 --> 00:15:04,380
FRENCH WORDS.
I DON'T KNOW.
RIGHT, LARRY DOESN'T KNOW
482
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:05,848
I DON'T KNOW.
RIGHT, LARRY DOESN'T KNOW
FRENCH BECAUSE HE'S A SALESMAN.
483
00:15:05,872 --> 00:15:08,517
RIGHT, LARRY DOESN'T KNOW
FRENCH BECAUSE HE'S A SALESMAN.
HEY, I'M NOT A SALESMAN
484
00:15:08,541 --> 00:15:09,451
FRENCH BECAUSE HE'S A SALESMAN.
HEY, I'M NOT A SALESMAN
ANYMORE, YOU KNOW.
485
00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:10,887
HEY, I'M NOT A SALESMAN
ANYMORE, YOU KNOW.
I'VE GOT A LITTLE PIECE OF THE
486
00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:11,921
ANYMORE, YOU KNOW.
I'VE GOT A LITTLE PIECE OF THE
ACTION NOW, YOU KNOW.
487
00:15:11,945 --> 00:15:13,356
I'VE GOT A LITTLE PIECE OF THE
ACTION NOW, YOU KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR BAG IS,
488
00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:15,157
ACTION NOW, YOU KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR BAG IS,
BELDAR, BUT, UH, I'M DOING
489
00:15:15,181 --> 00:15:17,126
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR BAG IS,
BELDAR, BUT, UH, I'M DOING
PRETTY WELL RIGHT NOW IN, UH,
490
00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:19,195
BELDAR, BUT, UH, I'M DOING
PRETTY WELL RIGHT NOW IN, UH,
WOMEN'S COMMERCIAL HAIR DRYERS.
491
00:15:19,219 --> 00:15:20,363
PRETTY WELL RIGHT NOW IN, UH,
WOMEN'S COMMERCIAL HAIR DRYERS.
Both: HAIR DRYERS?
492
00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:21,697
WOMEN'S COMMERCIAL HAIR DRYERS.
Both: HAIR DRYERS?
OH, YEAH, I DISTRIBUTE THEM
493
00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:22,865
Both: HAIR DRYERS?
OH, YEAH, I DISTRIBUTE THEM
ON THE WHOLESALE LEVEL.
494
00:15:22,889 --> 00:15:24,033
OH, YEAH, I DISTRIBUTE THEM
ON THE WHOLESALE LEVEL.
OH, SHOW THEM, LARRY.
495
00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:25,034
ON THE WHOLESALE LEVEL.
OH, SHOW THEM, LARRY.
GO AND SHOW THEM.
496
00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:26,535
OH, SHOW THEM, LARRY.
GO AND SHOW THEM.
LARRY IS THE BEST SALESMAN IN
497
00:15:26,559 --> 00:15:27,870
GO AND SHOW THEM.
LARRY IS THE BEST SALESMAN IN
HIS DISTRICT, REALLY.
498
00:15:27,894 --> 00:15:29,505
LARRY IS THE BEST SALESMAN IN
HIS DISTRICT, REALLY.
THIS YEAR, HE'S DONE INCREDIBLY
499
00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:29,972
HIS DISTRICT, REALLY.
THIS YEAR, HE'S DONE INCREDIBLY
WELL.
500
00:15:29,996 --> 00:15:31,207
THIS YEAR, HE'S DONE INCREDIBLY
WELL.
I'M VERY PROUD OF HIM.
501
00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:32,375
WELL.
I'M VERY PROUD OF HIM.
WE CALL THIS ONE THE FARM.
502
00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:33,376
I'M VERY PROUD OF HIM.
WE CALL THIS ONE THE FARM.
RIGHT.
503
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,833
WE CALL THIS ONE THE FARM.
RIGHT.
[CONEHEADS SCREAMING]
504
00:15:51,216 --> 00:15:57,433
L-LARRY?
YES, HONEY?
DO YOU... DO YOU THINK "HAIR
505
00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:59,501
YES, HONEY?
DO YOU... DO YOU THINK "HAIR
DRYER" MEANS SOMETHING BAD IN
506
00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:00,236
DO YOU... DO YOU THINK "HAIR
DRYER" MEANS SOMETHING BAD IN
FRENCH?
507
00:16:00,260 --> 00:16:01,404
DRYER" MEANS SOMETHING BAD IN
FRENCH?
I DON'T KNOW.
508
00:16:01,428 --> 00:16:02,405
FRENCH?
I DON'T KNOW.
I GUESS.
509
00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:04,362
I DON'T KNOW.
I GUESS.
[APPLAUSE]
510
00:16:15,074 --> 00:16:19,588
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
SANTANA.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
511
00:16:19,612 --> 00:16:21,590
SANTANA.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRO TO "BLACK MAGIC WOMAN"
512
00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:23,854
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRO TO "BLACK MAGIC WOMAN"
PLAYS]
513
00:16:55,780 --> 00:17:03,466
♪ I GOT A BLACK-MAGIC WOMAN ♪
♪ GOT A BLACK-MAGIC WOMAN ♪
♪ YES ♪
514
00:17:03,490 --> 00:17:05,468
♪ GOT A BLACK-MAGIC WOMAN ♪
♪ YES ♪
♪ SHE'S A BLACK-MAGIC WOMAN ♪
515
00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:07,803
♪ YES ♪
♪ SHE'S A BLACK-MAGIC WOMAN ♪
♪ SHE'S GOT ME SO BLIND, I CAN'T
516
00:17:07,827 --> 00:17:09,138
♪ SHE'S A BLACK-MAGIC WOMAN ♪
♪ SHE'S GOT ME SO BLIND, I CAN'T
SEE ♪
517
00:17:09,162 --> 00:17:10,473
♪ SHE'S GOT ME SO BLIND, I CAN'T
SEE ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
518
00:17:10,497 --> 00:17:12,475
SEE ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ SHE'S A BLACK-MAGIC WOMAN ♪
519
00:17:12,499 --> 00:17:14,477
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ SHE'S A BLACK-MAGIC WOMAN ♪
♪ SHE'S TRYING TO MAKE A DEVIL
520
00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:16,479
♪ SHE'S A BLACK-MAGIC WOMAN ♪
♪ SHE'S TRYING TO MAKE A DEVIL
OUT OF ME ♪
521
00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:18,481
♪ SHE'S TRYING TO MAKE A DEVIL
OUT OF ME ♪
♪ DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON ME,
522
00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:19,982
OUT OF ME ♪
♪ DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON ME,
BABY ♪
523
00:17:20,006 --> 00:17:21,984
♪ DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON ME,
BABY ♪
♪ DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON ME,
524
00:17:22,008 --> 00:17:23,152
BABY ♪
♪ DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON ME,
BABY ♪
525
00:17:23,176 --> 00:17:24,153
♪ DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON ME,
BABY ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
526
00:17:24,177 --> 00:17:25,821
BABY ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON ME,
527
00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:26,489
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON ME,
BABY ♪
528
00:17:26,513 --> 00:17:28,824
♪ DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON ME,
BABY ♪
♪ STOP MESSING AROUND WITH YOUR
529
00:17:28,848 --> 00:17:31,327
BABY ♪
♪ STOP MESSING AROUND WITH YOUR
TRICKS, BABY ♪
530
00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:32,828
♪ STOP MESSING AROUND WITH YOUR
TRICKS, BABY ♪
♪ DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON ME,
531
00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:33,496
TRICKS, BABY ♪
♪ DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON ME,
BABY ♪
532
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,998
♪ DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON ME,
BABY ♪
♪ I JUST MIGHT PULL OUT MY MAGIC
533
00:17:36,022 --> 00:17:37,500
BABY ♪
♪ I JUST MIGHT PULL OUT MY MAGIC
STICKS ♪
534
00:17:37,524 --> 00:17:39,957
♪ I JUST MIGHT PULL OUT MY MAGIC
STICKS ♪
[GUITAR SOLO]
535
00:17:58,177 --> 00:18:04,693
♪ YOU GOT YOUR SPELL ON ME,
BABY ♪
♪ GOT YOUR SPELL ON ME, BABY ♪
536
00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:05,694
BABY ♪
♪ GOT YOUR SPELL ON ME, BABY ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
537
00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:07,363
♪ GOT YOUR SPELL ON ME, BABY ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ YOU GOT YOUR SPELL ON ME,
538
00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:08,030
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ YOU GOT YOUR SPELL ON ME,
BABY ♪
539
00:18:08,054 --> 00:18:10,032
♪ YOU GOT YOUR SPELL ON ME,
BABY ♪
♪ IT'S TURNING MY HEART INTO
540
00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:12,701
BABY ♪
♪ IT'S TURNING MY HEART INTO
STONE ♪
541
00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:15,037
♪ IT'S TURNING MY HEART INTO
STONE ♪
♪ BUT I NEED YOU SO BAD ♪
542
00:18:15,061 --> 00:18:17,706
STONE ♪
♪ BUT I NEED YOU SO BAD ♪
♪ MAGIC WOMAN, PLEASE DON'T
543
00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:21,544
♪ BUT I NEED YOU SO BAD ♪
♪ MAGIC WOMAN, PLEASE DON'T
LEAVE ME ALONE ♪
544
00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:24,502
♪ MAGIC WOMAN, PLEASE DON'T
LEAVE ME ALONE ♪
[GUITAR SOLO]
545
00:20:18,917 --> 00:20:20,718
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
546
00:20:27,926 --> 00:20:35,926
["THE MARINES HYMN" PLAYS]
WELL, SIR, MY FIANCéE AND ME
ARE HONORED THAT YOU ARE
547
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:37,946
WELL, SIR, MY FIANCéE AND ME
ARE HONORED THAT YOU ARE
PERFORMING THE CEREMONY TODAY.
548
00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:39,147
ARE HONORED THAT YOU ARE
PERFORMING THE CEREMONY TODAY.
WELL, SON, IN ALL MY CAREER
549
00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:40,282
PERFORMING THE CEREMONY TODAY.
WELL, SON, IN ALL MY CAREER
AS A CHAPLAIN IN THE SERVICE,
550
00:20:40,306 --> 00:20:41,417
WELL, SON, IN ALL MY CAREER
AS A CHAPLAIN IN THE SERVICE,
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I EVER
551
00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:42,618
AS A CHAPLAIN IN THE SERVICE,
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I EVER
MET A FEMALE MARINE, YOU KNOW.
552
00:20:42,642 --> 00:20:43,785
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I EVER
MET A FEMALE MARINE, YOU KNOW.
YEAH, WELL, THIS IS THE NEW
553
00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:44,353
MET A FEMALE MARINE, YOU KNOW.
YEAH, WELL, THIS IS THE NEW
CORPS, SIR.
554
00:20:44,377 --> 00:20:45,287
YEAH, WELL, THIS IS THE NEW
CORPS, SIR.
THERE ARE A LOT OF LADY
555
00:20:45,311 --> 00:20:45,954
CORPS, SIR.
THERE ARE A LOT OF LADY
LEATHERNECKS.
556
00:20:45,978 --> 00:20:47,623
THERE ARE A LOT OF LADY
LEATHERNECKS.
UH, SHE'S BEEN IN THREE YEARS
557
00:20:47,647 --> 00:20:49,124
LEATHERNECKS.
UH, SHE'S BEEN IN THREE YEARS
NOW, AND I LOVE HER VERY MUCH.
558
00:20:49,148 --> 00:20:50,392
UH, SHE'S BEEN IN THREE YEARS
NOW, AND I LOVE HER VERY MUCH.
WELL, I'VE SPRINKLED HOLY
559
00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:51,493
NOW, AND I LOVE HER VERY MUCH.
WELL, I'VE SPRINKLED HOLY
WATER ON THE BOYS IN THE
560
00:20:51,517 --> 00:20:52,027
WELL, I'VE SPRINKLED HOLY
WATER ON THE BOYS IN THE
SOLOMONS.
561
00:20:52,051 --> 00:20:53,295
WATER ON THE BOYS IN THE
SOLOMONS.
I'VE CHRISTENED A NEWLY BORN
562
00:20:53,319 --> 00:20:54,796
SOLOMONS.
I'VE CHRISTENED A NEWLY BORN
KOREAN BABY IN A MACHINE-GUN
563
00:20:54,820 --> 00:20:55,764
I'VE CHRISTENED A NEWLY BORN
KOREAN BABY IN A MACHINE-GUN
NEST ON HILL 249.
564
00:20:55,788 --> 00:20:57,366
KOREAN BABY IN A MACHINE-GUN
NEST ON HILL 249.
I BLESSED THE JETS AT THANH HOA,
565
00:20:57,390 --> 00:20:59,000
NEST ON HILL 249.
I BLESSED THE JETS AT THANH HOA,
BUT I'VE NEVER, EVER MARRIED TWO
566
00:20:59,024 --> 00:21:00,636
I BLESSED THE JETS AT THANH HOA,
BUT I'VE NEVER, EVER MARRIED TWO
MARINES, AND I DON'T EXPECT THIS
567
00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:01,803
BUT I'VE NEVER, EVER MARRIED TWO
MARINES, AND I DON'T EXPECT THIS
TO BE AN EASY WEDDING.
568
00:21:01,827 --> 00:21:03,138
MARINES, AND I DON'T EXPECT THIS
TO BE AN EASY WEDDING.
WE ARE PREPARED TO DIE IF
569
00:21:03,162 --> 00:21:03,972
TO BE AN EASY WEDDING.
WE ARE PREPARED TO DIE IF
NECESSARY.
570
00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:04,973
WE ARE PREPARED TO DIE IF
NECESSARY.
GOOD, GOOD.
571
00:21:04,997 --> 00:21:06,642
NECESSARY.
GOOD, GOOD.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET STARTED.
572
00:21:06,666 --> 00:21:07,643
GOOD, GOOD.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET STARTED.
[CLEARS THROAT]
573
00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:09,645
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET STARTED.
[CLEARS THROAT]
PARENTS, FRIENDS, AND RELATIVES,
574
00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:11,113
[CLEARS THROAT]
PARENTS, FRIENDS, AND RELATIVES,
WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY IN
575
00:21:11,137 --> 00:21:12,514
PARENTS, FRIENDS, AND RELATIVES,
WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY IN
THIS SHIP TO UNITE THIS MAN,
576
00:21:12,538 --> 00:21:13,982
WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY IN
THIS SHIP TO UNITE THIS MAN,
SERGEANT LOUIS BOYD, AND, UH,
577
00:21:14,006 --> 00:21:15,484
THIS SHIP TO UNITE THIS MAN,
SERGEANT LOUIS BOYD, AND, UH,
THIS WOMAN, PRIVATE
578
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:17,319
SERGEANT LOUIS BOYD, AND, UH,
THIS WOMAN, PRIVATE
KATHRYN LAZETTI, IN HOLY
579
00:21:17,343 --> 00:21:17,986
THIS WOMAN, PRIVATE
KATHRYN LAZETTI, IN HOLY
MATRIMONY.
580
00:21:18,010 --> 00:21:19,622
KATHRYN LAZETTI, IN HOLY
MATRIMONY.
LET US BE MINDFUL, HOWEVER, IN
581
00:21:19,646 --> 00:21:21,357
MATRIMONY.
LET US BE MINDFUL, HOWEVER, IN
ONE SENSE, THAT THESE TWO PEOPLE
582
00:21:21,381 --> 00:21:22,891
LET US BE MINDFUL, HOWEVER, IN
ONE SENSE, THAT THESE TWO PEOPLE
ARE ALREADY UNITED UNDER THE
583
00:21:22,915 --> 00:21:24,460
ONE SENSE, THAT THESE TWO PEOPLE
ARE ALREADY UNITED UNDER THE
HOLIEST OF ALL MATRIMONIES, A
584
00:21:24,484 --> 00:21:25,494
ARE ALREADY UNITED UNDER THE
HOLIEST OF ALL MATRIMONIES, A
COMMITMENT TO THE
585
00:21:25,518 --> 00:21:27,162
HOLIEST OF ALL MATRIMONIES, A
COMMITMENT TO THE
UNITED STATES MARINES.
586
00:21:27,186 --> 00:21:28,830
COMMITMENT TO THE
UNITED STATES MARINES.
AM I RIGHT, SERGEANT BOYD?
587
00:21:28,854 --> 00:21:29,665
UNITED STATES MARINES.
AM I RIGHT, SERGEANT BOYD?
YES, SIR.
588
00:21:29,689 --> 00:21:30,499
AM I RIGHT, SERGEANT BOYD?
YES, SIR.
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
589
00:21:30,523 --> 00:21:31,066
YES, SIR.
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
YES, SIR!
590
00:21:31,090 --> 00:21:32,067
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
YES, SIR!
I STILL CAN'T HEAR YOU.
591
00:21:32,091 --> 00:21:32,668
YES, SIR!
I STILL CAN'T HEAR YOU.
YES, SIR!!
592
00:21:32,692 --> 00:21:33,502
I STILL CAN'T HEAR YOU.
YES, SIR!!
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
593
00:21:33,526 --> 00:21:34,670
YES, SIR!!
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
YES, SIR!!!
594
00:21:34,694 --> 00:21:37,673
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
YES, SIR!!!
LIVING WITHIN THE SACRED,
595
00:21:37,697 --> 00:21:39,441
YES, SIR!!!
LIVING WITHIN THE SACRED,
SACRED BONDS OF WEDLOCK REQUIRES
596
00:21:39,465 --> 00:21:40,609
LIVING WITHIN THE SACRED,
SACRED BONDS OF WEDLOCK REQUIRES
LOVE, PATIENCE, AND
597
00:21:40,633 --> 00:21:42,210
SACRED BONDS OF WEDLOCK REQUIRES
LOVE, PATIENCE, AND
CONSIDERATION ON THE PART OF
598
00:21:42,234 --> 00:21:42,678
LOVE, PATIENCE, AND
CONSIDERATION ON THE PART OF
BOTH.
599
00:21:42,702 --> 00:21:44,012
CONSIDERATION ON THE PART OF
BOTH.
THE REWARDS, OF COURSE, ARE THE
600
00:21:44,036 --> 00:21:45,648
BOTH.
THE REWARDS, OF COURSE, ARE THE
WARMTH AND GROWING BEAUTY WHICH
601
00:21:45,672 --> 00:21:46,848
THE REWARDS, OF COURSE, ARE THE
WARMTH AND GROWING BEAUTY WHICH
GROWS FROM A LIFELONG
602
00:21:46,872 --> 00:21:48,016
WARMTH AND GROWING BEAUTY WHICH
GROWS FROM A LIFELONG
COMPANIONSHIP.
603
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:49,017
GROWS FROM A LIFELONG
COMPANIONSHIP.
RIGHT, MAGGOT?
604
00:21:49,041 --> 00:21:49,851
COMPANIONSHIP.
RIGHT, MAGGOT?
YES, SIR.
605
00:21:49,875 --> 00:21:51,019
RIGHT, MAGGOT?
YES, SIR.
RIGHT, MAGGOT?!
606
00:21:51,043 --> 00:21:51,853
YES, SIR.
RIGHT, MAGGOT?!
YES, SIR!
607
00:21:51,877 --> 00:21:52,521
RIGHT, MAGGOT?!
YES, SIR!
SLIME?!
608
00:21:52,545 --> 00:21:53,255
YES, SIR!
SLIME?!
YES, SIR!
609
00:21:53,279 --> 00:21:54,222
SLIME?!
YES, SIR!
WHAT ARE YOU?!
610
00:21:54,246 --> 00:21:55,357
YES, SIR!
WHAT ARE YOU?!
WE ARE SLIME, SIR!
611
00:21:55,381 --> 00:21:56,024
WHAT ARE YOU?!
WE ARE SLIME, SIR!
LOUDER!
612
00:21:56,048 --> 00:21:57,192
WE ARE SLIME, SIR!
LOUDER!
WE ARE SLIME, SIR!!
613
00:21:57,216 --> 00:21:58,193
LOUDER!
WE ARE SLIME, SIR!!
LOUDER!!
614
00:21:58,217 --> 00:21:59,528
WE ARE SLIME, SIR!!
LOUDER!!
WE ARE SLIME, SIR!!!
615
00:21:59,552 --> 00:22:00,862
LOUDER!!
WE ARE SLIME, SIR!!!
DO YOU...
616
00:22:00,886 --> 00:22:03,198
WE ARE SLIME, SIR!!!
DO YOU...
DO YOU, SERGEANT BOYD, TAKE THIS
617
00:22:03,222 --> 00:22:04,500
DO YOU...
DO YOU, SERGEANT BOYD, TAKE THIS
WOMAN, KATHRYN LAZETTI, TO BE
618
00:22:04,524 --> 00:22:05,834
DO YOU, SERGEANT BOYD, TAKE THIS
WOMAN, KATHRYN LAZETTI, TO BE
YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED WIFE, TO
619
00:22:05,858 --> 00:22:07,135
WOMAN, KATHRYN LAZETTI, TO BE
YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED WIFE, TO
HAVE AND TO HOLD, IN SICKNESS
620
00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:08,337
YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED WIFE, TO
HAVE AND TO HOLD, IN SICKNESS
AND HEALTH, FOR RICHER AND
621
00:22:08,361 --> 00:22:09,638
HAVE AND TO HOLD, IN SICKNESS
AND HEALTH, FOR RICHER AND
POORER UNTIL THE DEATH DO YOU
622
00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:10,038
AND HEALTH, FOR RICHER AND
POORER UNTIL THE DEATH DO YOU
PART?
623
00:22:10,062 --> 00:22:10,406
POORER UNTIL THE DEATH DO YOU
PART?
I DO.
624
00:22:10,430 --> 00:22:11,139
PART?
I DO.
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
625
00:22:11,163 --> 00:22:11,507
I DO.
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
I DO.
626
00:22:11,531 --> 00:22:12,207
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
I DO.
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
627
00:22:12,231 --> 00:22:12,675
I DO.
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
I DO!
628
00:22:12,699 --> 00:22:13,542
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
I DO!
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
629
00:22:13,566 --> 00:22:14,543
I DO!
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
I DO, SIR!
630
00:22:14,567 --> 00:22:15,877
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
I DO, SIR!
AND DO YOU...
631
00:22:15,901 --> 00:22:18,046
I DO, SIR!
AND DO YOU...
DO YOU, PRIVATE LAZETTI...
632
00:22:18,070 --> 00:22:19,715
AND DO YOU...
DO YOU, PRIVATE LAZETTI...
KNOW THE CATEGORIES OF EXPLOSIVE
633
00:22:19,739 --> 00:22:20,215
DO YOU, PRIVATE LAZETTI...
KNOW THE CATEGORIES OF EXPLOSIVE
MINES?!
634
00:22:20,239 --> 00:22:21,550
KNOW THE CATEGORIES OF EXPLOSIVE
MINES?!
SOUND OFF ON THE DOUBLE!
635
00:22:21,574 --> 00:22:22,884
MINES?!
SOUND OFF ON THE DOUBLE!
ANTITANK, ANTIPERSONNEL,
636
00:22:22,908 --> 00:22:24,886
SOUND OFF ON THE DOUBLE!
ANTITANK, ANTIPERSONNEL,
ANTIAIRBORNE, ANTIAMPHIBIOUS,
637
00:22:24,910 --> 00:22:25,554
ANTITANK, ANTIPERSONNEL,
ANTIAIRBORNE, ANTIAMPHIBIOUS,
SIR!
638
00:22:25,578 --> 00:22:27,889
ANTIAIRBORNE, ANTIAMPHIBIOUS,
SIR!
AND DO YOU TAKE THIS MAGGOT,
639
00:22:27,913 --> 00:22:29,325
SIR!
AND DO YOU TAKE THIS MAGGOT,
SERGEANT LOUIS BOYD?
640
00:22:29,349 --> 00:22:31,092
AND DO YOU TAKE THIS MAGGOT,
SERGEANT LOUIS BOYD?
DO YOU TAKE HIM TO BE YOUR
641
00:22:31,116 --> 00:22:33,228
SERGEANT LOUIS BOYD?
DO YOU TAKE HIM TO BE YOUR
LAWFULLY WEDDED HUSBAND, TO HAVE
642
00:22:33,252 --> 00:22:34,830
DO YOU TAKE HIM TO BE YOUR
LAWFULLY WEDDED HUSBAND, TO HAVE
AND TO HOLD, TO HOLD IN
643
00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:36,832
LAWFULLY WEDDED HUSBAND, TO HAVE
AND TO HOLD, TO HOLD IN
HAND-TO-HAND ASSAULT POSITION,
644
00:22:36,856 --> 00:22:38,567
AND TO HOLD, TO HOLD IN
HAND-TO-HAND ASSAULT POSITION,
AS IN COMBAT DRILL NUMBER
645
00:22:38,591 --> 00:22:39,735
HAND-TO-HAND ASSAULT POSITION,
AS IN COMBAT DRILL NUMBER
A-1750?!
646
00:22:39,759 --> 00:22:43,071
AS IN COMBAT DRILL NUMBER
A-1750?!
MOVE!
647
00:22:43,095 --> 00:22:44,072
A-1750?!
MOVE!
DO YOU?!
648
00:22:44,096 --> 00:22:45,073
MOVE!
DO YOU?!
I DO.
649
00:22:45,097 --> 00:22:48,910
DO YOU?!
I DO.
ALL RIGHT.
650
00:22:48,934 --> 00:22:50,379
I DO.
ALL RIGHT.
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU MAN AND
651
00:22:50,403 --> 00:22:50,813
ALL RIGHT.
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU MAN AND
WIFE.
652
00:22:50,837 --> 00:22:52,414
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU MAN AND
WIFE.
YOU MAY NOW DESCRIBE THE 75-MM
653
00:22:52,438 --> 00:22:53,749
WIFE.
YOU MAY NOW DESCRIBE THE 75-MM
RECOILLESS RIFLE.
654
00:22:53,773 --> 00:22:54,783
YOU MAY NOW DESCRIBE THE 75-MM
RECOILLESS RIFLE.
AIR CODE, SINGLE-SHOT,
655
00:22:54,807 --> 00:22:55,884
RECOILLESS RIFLE.
AIR CODE, SINGLE-SHOT,
BREECH-LOADING WEAPON USING
656
00:22:55,908 --> 00:22:56,985
AIR CODE, SINGLE-SHOT,
BREECH-LOADING WEAPON USING
FIXED AMMUNITION, PORTABLE,
657
00:22:57,009 --> 00:22:58,086
BREECH-LOADING WEAPON USING
FIXED AMMUNITION, PORTABLE,
DESIGNED TO BE FIRED FROM A
658
00:22:58,110 --> 00:22:59,421
FIXED AMMUNITION, PORTABLE,
DESIGNED TO BE FIRED FROM A
MACHINE-GUN TRIPOD MOUNT!
659
00:22:59,445 --> 00:23:01,089
DESIGNED TO BE FIRED FROM A
MACHINE-GUN TRIPOD MOUNT!
KISS THE BRIDE.
660
00:23:01,113 --> 00:23:02,524
MACHINE-GUN TRIPOD MOUNT!
KISS THE BRIDE.
CONGRATULATIONS, I HOPE YOU'LL
661
00:23:02,548 --> 00:23:03,659
KISS THE BRIDE.
CONGRATULATIONS, I HOPE YOU'LL
BOTH BE VERY HAPPY AND
662
00:23:03,683 --> 00:23:04,426
CONGRATULATIONS, I HOPE YOU'LL
BOTH BE VERY HAPPY AND
UNCOMFORTABLE.
663
00:23:04,450 --> 00:23:05,494
BOTH BE VERY HAPPY AND
UNCOMFORTABLE.
RECEPTION IS ON DECK.
664
00:23:05,518 --> 00:23:06,962
UNCOMFORTABLE.
RECEPTION IS ON DECK.
BRIDAL COUPLE, WEDDING GUESTS,
665
00:23:06,986 --> 00:23:07,730
RECEPTION IS ON DECK.
BRIDAL COUPLE, WEDDING GUESTS,
FILE, SINGLE!
666
00:23:07,754 --> 00:23:08,764
BRIDAL COUPLE, WEDDING GUESTS,
FILE, SINGLE!
MOVE, MOVE, MOVE IT!
667
00:23:08,788 --> 00:23:09,931
FILE, SINGLE!
MOVE, MOVE, MOVE IT!
MOVE IT!
668
00:23:09,955 --> 00:23:11,433
MOVE, MOVE, MOVE IT!
MOVE IT!
MOVE, YOU PEOPLE!
669
00:23:11,457 --> 00:23:13,268
MOVE IT!
MOVE, YOU PEOPLE!
MOVE, YOU SLIME!
670
00:23:13,292 --> 00:23:15,270
MOVE, YOU PEOPLE!
MOVE, YOU SLIME!
I HATE YOUR GUTS!
671
00:23:15,294 --> 00:23:17,227
MOVE, YOU SLIME!
I HATE YOUR GUTS!
[APPLAUSE]
672
00:23:23,435 --> 00:23:30,452
WELL, THAT'S IT, SANJAY.
ALL MY PAPERS, EVERYTHING THAT
IS PRECIOUS TO ME.
673
00:23:30,476 --> 00:23:32,788
ALL MY PAPERS, EVERYTHING THAT
IS PRECIOUS TO ME.
OH, I CANNOT BELIEVE WE LOST THE
674
00:23:32,812 --> 00:23:33,789
IS PRECIOUS TO ME.
OH, I CANNOT BELIEVE WE LOST THE
ELECTION.
675
00:23:33,813 --> 00:23:35,557
OH, I CANNOT BELIEVE WE LOST THE
ELECTION.
WE LOST BY ONLY A FEW HUNDRED
676
00:23:35,581 --> 00:23:36,792
ELECTION.
WE LOST BY ONLY A FEW HUNDRED
MILLION VOTES, MADAM.
677
00:23:36,816 --> 00:23:39,461
WE LOST BY ONLY A FEW HUNDRED
MILLION VOTES, MADAM.
YES, IT WAS CLOSE, WASN'T IT?
678
00:23:39,485 --> 00:23:40,929
MILLION VOTES, MADAM.
YES, IT WAS CLOSE, WASN'T IT?
YES, IT WAS.
679
00:23:40,953 --> 00:23:42,631
YES, IT WAS CLOSE, WASN'T IT?
YES, IT WAS.
IT WAS VERY CLOSE.
680
00:23:42,655 --> 00:23:43,999
YES, IT WAS.
IT WAS VERY CLOSE.
SOON, THE NEW PRIME MINISTER,
681
00:23:44,023 --> 00:23:45,467
IT WAS VERY CLOSE.
SOON, THE NEW PRIME MINISTER,
THE LEADER OF THE UNTOUCHABLES,
682
00:23:45,491 --> 00:23:46,835
SOON, THE NEW PRIME MINISTER,
THE LEADER OF THE UNTOUCHABLES,
WILL BE HERE TO TAKE OVER OUR
683
00:23:46,859 --> 00:23:47,469
THE LEADER OF THE UNTOUCHABLES,
WILL BE HERE TO TAKE OVER OUR
OLD OFFICE.
684
00:23:47,493 --> 00:23:50,138
WILL BE HERE TO TAKE OVER OUR
OLD OFFICE.
MOTHER, WE MUST LEAVE NEW DELHI.
685
00:23:50,162 --> 00:23:51,640
OLD OFFICE.
MOTHER, WE MUST LEAVE NEW DELHI.
WELL, IT DOESN'T MATTER.
686
00:23:51,664 --> 00:23:53,642
MOTHER, WE MUST LEAVE NEW DELHI.
WELL, IT DOESN'T MATTER.
YOU KNOW, I THINK NEW DELHI IS
687
00:23:53,666 --> 00:23:55,310
WELL, IT DOESN'T MATTER.
YOU KNOW, I THINK NEW DELHI IS
NOT SO NICE ANYMORE.
688
00:23:55,334 --> 00:23:57,479
YOU KNOW, I THINK NEW DELHI IS
NOT SO NICE ANYMORE.
NOW, OLD DELHI, THERE WAS A
689
00:23:57,503 --> 00:23:58,480
NOT SO NICE ANYMORE.
NOW, OLD DELHI, THERE WAS A
TOWN.
690
00:23:58,504 --> 00:23:59,948
NOW, OLD DELHI, THERE WAS A
TOWN.
YOU KNOW, OF COURSE, IN THOSE
691
00:23:59,972 --> 00:24:01,550
TOWN.
YOU KNOW, OF COURSE, IN THOSE
DAYS, WE JUST CALLED IT "DELHI."
692
00:24:01,574 --> 00:24:03,051
YOU KNOW, OF COURSE, IN THOSE
DAYS, WE JUST CALLED IT "DELHI."
WE NEVER CALLED IT "OLD DELHI"
693
00:24:03,075 --> 00:24:04,653
DAYS, WE JUST CALLED IT "DELHI."
WE NEVER CALLED IT "OLD DELHI"
UNTIL AFTER THERE WAS NEW DELHI.
694
00:24:04,677 --> 00:24:06,488
WE NEVER CALLED IT "OLD DELHI"
UNTIL AFTER THERE WAS NEW DELHI.
BECAUSE IN THOSE DAYS, DELHI WAS
695
00:24:06,512 --> 00:24:07,489
UNTIL AFTER THERE WAS NEW DELHI.
BECAUSE IN THOSE DAYS, DELHI WAS
NOT OLD.
696
00:24:07,513 --> 00:24:11,993
BECAUSE IN THOSE DAYS, DELHI WAS
NOT OLD.
OH, MOMMY, NOW THAT WE CAN NO
697
00:24:12,017 --> 00:24:14,362
NOT OLD.
OH, MOMMY, NOW THAT WE CAN NO
LONGER SENSELESSLY IMPRISON AND
698
00:24:14,386 --> 00:24:16,698
OH, MOMMY, NOW THAT WE CAN NO
LONGER SENSELESSLY IMPRISON AND
POINTLESSLY TORTURE OUR FELLOW
699
00:24:16,722 --> 00:24:19,000
LONGER SENSELESSLY IMPRISON AND
POINTLESSLY TORTURE OUR FELLOW
COUNTRYMEN, COULD WE PLEASE GO
700
00:24:19,024 --> 00:24:20,502
POINTLESSLY TORTURE OUR FELLOW
COUNTRYMEN, COULD WE PLEASE GO
TO A REAL DELI FOR A HAMBURGER?
701
00:24:20,526 --> 00:24:23,505
COUNTRYMEN, COULD WE PLEASE GO
TO A REAL DELI FOR A HAMBURGER?
OH, FOOLISH LITTLE ONE.
702
00:24:23,529 --> 00:24:26,007
TO A REAL DELI FOR A HAMBURGER?
OH, FOOLISH LITTLE ONE.
I, TOO, HAVE DREAMT OF MEAT,
703
00:24:26,031 --> 00:24:28,343
OH, FOOLISH LITTLE ONE.
I, TOO, HAVE DREAMT OF MEAT,
ESPECIALLY A SALISBURY STEAK.
704
00:24:28,367 --> 00:24:29,344
I, TOO, HAVE DREAMT OF MEAT,
ESPECIALLY A SALISBURY STEAK.
OH, NOTHING.
705
00:24:29,368 --> 00:24:31,146
ESPECIALLY A SALISBURY STEAK.
OH, NOTHING.
BUT, YOU KNOW, HOW DARE WE?
706
00:24:31,170 --> 00:24:33,114
OH, NOTHING.
BUT, YOU KNOW, HOW DARE WE?
I MEAN, EVERYBODY IN NEW DELHI
707
00:24:33,138 --> 00:24:34,349
BUT, YOU KNOW, HOW DARE WE?
I MEAN, EVERYBODY IN NEW DELHI
HATES US ALREADY.
708
00:24:34,373 --> 00:24:36,518
I MEAN, EVERYBODY IN NEW DELHI
HATES US ALREADY.
SOMETIMES, MOMMY, I THINK NEW
709
00:24:36,542 --> 00:24:38,520
HATES US ALREADY.
SOMETIMES, MOMMY, I THINK NEW
DELHI IS A TOWN WITHOUT PITY.
710
00:24:38,544 --> 00:24:41,857
SOMETIMES, MOMMY, I THINK NEW
DELHI IS A TOWN WITHOUT PITY.
YES.
711
00:24:41,881 --> 00:24:46,194
DELHI IS A TOWN WITHOUT PITY.
YES.
♪ IF WE STOP TO GAZE UPON A
712
00:24:46,218 --> 00:24:48,363
YES.
♪ IF WE STOP TO GAZE UPON A
STAR ♪
713
00:24:48,387 --> 00:24:51,366
♪ IF WE STOP TO GAZE UPON A
STAR ♪
♪ PEOPLE TALK ABOUT HOW BAD WE
714
00:24:51,390 --> 00:24:52,868
STAR ♪
♪ PEOPLE TALK ABOUT HOW BAD WE
ARE ♪
715
00:24:52,892 --> 00:24:56,371
♪ PEOPLE TALK ABOUT HOW BAD WE
ARE ♪
♪ OURS IS NOT AN EASY AGE ♪
716
00:24:56,395 --> 00:24:58,707
ARE ♪
♪ OURS IS NOT AN EASY AGE ♪
♪ WE'RE LIKE TIGERS IN A CAGE ♪
717
00:24:58,731 --> 00:25:02,043
♪ OURS IS NOT AN EASY AGE ♪
♪ WE'RE LIKE TIGERS IN A CAGE ♪
♪ WHAT A TOWN WITHOUT PITY CAN
718
00:25:02,067 --> 00:25:03,378
♪ WE'RE LIKE TIGERS IN A CAGE ♪
♪ WHAT A TOWN WITHOUT PITY CAN
DO ♪
719
00:25:03,402 --> 00:25:06,214
♪ WHAT A TOWN WITHOUT PITY CAN
DO ♪
♪ OH, WE HAVE PROBLEMS ♪
720
00:25:06,238 --> 00:25:08,383
DO ♪
♪ OH, WE HAVE PROBLEMS ♪
♪ MANY PROBLEMS ♪
721
00:25:08,407 --> 00:25:12,053
♪ OH, WE HAVE PROBLEMS ♪
♪ MANY PROBLEMS ♪
♪ WE NEED AN UNDERSTANDING
722
00:25:12,077 --> 00:25:13,722
♪ MANY PROBLEMS ♪
♪ WE NEED AN UNDERSTANDING
HEART ♪
723
00:25:13,746 --> 00:25:16,057
♪ WE NEED AN UNDERSTANDING
HEART ♪
♪ WHY DON'T THEY HELP US? ♪
724
00:25:16,081 --> 00:25:18,560
HEART ♪
♪ WHY DON'T THEY HELP US? ♪
♪ TRY TO HELP US ♪
725
00:25:18,584 --> 00:25:21,062
♪ WHY DON'T THEY HELP US? ♪
♪ TRY TO HELP US ♪
♪ BEFORE THIS CLAY-AND-GRANITE
726
00:25:21,086 --> 00:25:23,732
♪ TRY TO HELP US ♪
♪ BEFORE THIS CLAY-AND-GRANITE
PLANET FALLS APART ♪
727
00:25:23,756 --> 00:25:26,401
♪ BEFORE THIS CLAY-AND-GRANITE
PLANET FALLS APART ♪
Both: ♪ HOW CAN WE KEEP LOVE
728
00:25:26,425 --> 00:25:27,068
PLANET FALLS APART ♪
Both: ♪ HOW CAN WE KEEP LOVE
ALIVE? ♪
729
00:25:27,092 --> 00:25:29,571
Both: ♪ HOW CAN WE KEEP LOVE
ALIVE? ♪
♪ HOW CAN ANYTHING SURVIVE? ♪
730
00:25:29,595 --> 00:25:31,573
ALIVE? ♪
♪ HOW CAN ANYTHING SURVIVE? ♪
♪ WHEN THESE LITTLE MINDS TEAR
731
00:25:31,597 --> 00:25:33,909
♪ HOW CAN ANYTHING SURVIVE? ♪
♪ WHEN THESE LITTLE MINDS TEAR
US IN TWO ♪
732
00:25:33,933 --> 00:25:37,245
♪ WHEN THESE LITTLE MINDS TEAR
US IN TWO ♪
♪ NO, IT ISN'T VERY PRETTY WHAT
733
00:25:37,269 --> 00:25:40,248
US IN TWO ♪
♪ NO, IT ISN'T VERY PRETTY WHAT
A TOWN WITHOUT PITY ♪
734
00:25:40,272 --> 00:25:42,083
♪ NO, IT ISN'T VERY PRETTY WHAT
A TOWN WITHOUT PITY ♪
♪ CAN ♪
735
00:25:42,107 --> 00:25:49,379
A TOWN WITHOUT PITY ♪
♪ CAN ♪
Both: ♪ D-O-O-O-O-O-O-O ♪
736
00:25:53,084 --> 00:26:00,068
OH.
OH, THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN, MOMMY.
DO YOU KNOW MECCA?
737
00:26:00,092 --> 00:26:01,136
OH, THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN, MOMMY.
DO YOU KNOW MECCA?
OH, YOU SILLY BOY.
738
00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:02,203
DO YOU KNOW MECCA?
OH, YOU SILLY BOY.
YOU SILLY, SILLY BOY.
739
00:26:02,227 --> 00:26:03,872
OH, YOU SILLY BOY.
YOU SILLY, SILLY BOY.
MRS. GANDHI, THE NEW PRIME
740
00:26:03,896 --> 00:26:05,206
YOU SILLY, SILLY BOY.
MRS. GANDHI, THE NEW PRIME
MINISTER IS HERE.
741
00:26:05,230 --> 00:26:08,209
MRS. GANDHI, THE NEW PRIME
MINISTER IS HERE.
OOH.
742
00:26:08,233 --> 00:26:11,212
MINISTER IS HERE.
OOH.
MADAM GANDHI, HOW DO YOU DO?
743
00:26:11,236 --> 00:26:13,081
OOH.
MADAM GANDHI, HOW DO YOU DO?
I HAVE JUST MET WITH THE LEADER
744
00:26:13,105 --> 00:26:14,382
MADAM GANDHI, HOW DO YOU DO?
I HAVE JUST MET WITH THE LEADER
OF THE UNTOUCHABLES.
745
00:26:14,406 --> 00:26:15,717
I HAVE JUST MET WITH THE LEADER
OF THE UNTOUCHABLES.
OOH, HE TOUCHED AN
746
00:26:15,741 --> 00:26:16,552
OF THE UNTOUCHABLES.
OOH, HE TOUCHED AN
UNTOUCHABLE.
747
00:26:16,576 --> 00:26:18,887
OOH, HE TOUCHED AN
UNTOUCHABLE.
AH, SO, THIS IS MY NEW
748
00:26:18,911 --> 00:26:19,555
UNTOUCHABLE.
AH, SO, THIS IS MY NEW
OFFICE.
749
00:26:19,579 --> 00:26:21,222
AH, SO, THIS IS MY NEW
OFFICE.
OH, VERY GOOD CRAFTSMANSHIP.
750
00:26:21,246 --> 00:26:22,558
OFFICE.
OH, VERY GOOD CRAFTSMANSHIP.
OH, NO, THAT WAS MY...
751
00:26:22,582 --> 00:26:24,059
OH, VERY GOOD CRAFTSMANSHIP.
OH, NO, THAT WAS MY...
WONDERFUL WORK HERE.
752
00:26:24,083 --> 00:26:25,060
OH, NO, THAT WAS MY...
WONDERFUL WORK HERE.
WONDERFUL WORK.
753
00:26:25,084 --> 00:26:27,729
WONDERFUL WORK HERE.
WONDERFUL WORK.
HOWEVER, I MUST GET TO WORK
754
00:26:27,753 --> 00:26:29,064
WONDERFUL WORK.
HOWEVER, I MUST GET TO WORK
RIGHT AWAY.
755
00:26:29,088 --> 00:26:30,732
HOWEVER, I MUST GET TO WORK
RIGHT AWAY.
OH, IS THIS YOUR BRIEFCASE?
756
00:26:30,756 --> 00:26:32,067
RIGHT AWAY.
OH, IS THIS YOUR BRIEFCASE?
OH, KEEP IT, KEEP IT.
757
00:26:32,091 --> 00:26:33,234
OH, IS THIS YOUR BRIEFCASE?
OH, KEEP IT, KEEP IT.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
758
00:26:33,258 --> 00:26:35,236
OH, KEEP IT, KEEP IT.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
MRS. GANDHI, THE LEADER OF
759
00:26:35,260 --> 00:26:38,340
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
MRS. GANDHI, THE LEADER OF
THE UNTOUCHABLES IS HERE.
760
00:26:44,569 --> 00:26:50,285
LEE, RICO, YOUNGBLOOD.
NESS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HERE?
761
00:26:50,309 --> 00:26:52,253
NESS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HERE?
MRS. GANDHI, SANJAY, IT'S
762
00:26:52,277 --> 00:26:54,255
HERE?
MRS. GANDHI, SANJAY, IT'S
TIME TO GIVE UP YOUR OFFICE.
763
00:26:54,279 --> 00:26:55,256
MRS. GANDHI, SANJAY, IT'S
TIME TO GIVE UP YOUR OFFICE.
LET'S GO.
764
00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:56,758
TIME TO GIVE UP YOUR OFFICE.
LET'S GO.
LEE, RICO, YOUNGBLOOD, TAKE THEM
765
00:26:56,782 --> 00:26:57,258
LET'S GO.
LEE, RICO, YOUNGBLOOD, TAKE THEM
AWAY.
766
00:26:57,282 --> 00:26:59,260
LEE, RICO, YOUNGBLOOD, TAKE THEM
AWAY.
WAIT, IT IS NOT TIME YET.
767
00:26:59,284 --> 00:27:01,262
AWAY.
WAIT, IT IS NOT TIME YET.
I WILL NOT GO UNTIL I GET A SIGN
768
00:27:01,286 --> 00:27:02,931
WAIT, IT IS NOT TIME YET.
I WILL NOT GO UNTIL I GET A SIGN
THAT IT IS THE WILL OF THE
769
00:27:02,955 --> 00:27:03,599
I WILL NOT GO UNTIL I GET A SIGN
THAT IT IS THE WILL OF THE
PEOPLE.
770
00:27:03,623 --> 00:27:06,935
THAT IT IS THE WILL OF THE
PEOPLE.
I MUST HAVE A SIGN FROM ABOVE.
771
00:27:06,959 --> 00:27:10,105
PEOPLE.
I MUST HAVE A SIGN FROM ABOVE.
[COW MOOS]
772
00:27:10,129 --> 00:27:17,779
I MUST HAVE A SIGN FROM ABOVE.
[COW MOOS]
LEE, RICO...
773
00:27:17,803 --> 00:27:19,615
[COW MOOS]
LEE, RICO...
LEE, RICO, YOUNGBLOOD, GET THE
774
00:27:19,639 --> 00:27:21,416
LEE, RICO...
LEE, RICO, YOUNGBLOOD, GET THE
CAR AT THE BACK AND TAKE THEM
775
00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:21,950
LEE, RICO, YOUNGBLOOD, GET THE
CAR AT THE BACK AND TAKE THEM
AWAY.
776
00:27:21,974 --> 00:27:24,285
CAR AT THE BACK AND TAKE THEM
AWAY.
MRS. GANDHI, FATSO, LET'S GO.
777
00:27:24,309 --> 00:27:26,788
AWAY.
MRS. GANDHI, FATSO, LET'S GO.
NOW, THEN, I'M GONNA STAY HERE
778
00:27:26,812 --> 00:27:28,456
MRS. GANDHI, FATSO, LET'S GO.
NOW, THEN, I'M GONNA STAY HERE
AND WAIT FOR MR. NITTI.
779
00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:29,791
NOW, THEN, I'M GONNA STAY HERE
AND WAIT FOR MR. NITTI.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE A
780
00:27:29,815 --> 00:27:30,291
AND WAIT FOR MR. NITTI.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE A
SEAT?
781
00:27:30,315 --> 00:27:31,627
WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE A
SEAT?
YES, HOW ARE YOU?
782
00:27:31,651 --> 00:27:33,583
SEAT?
YES, HOW ARE YOU?
[APPLAUSE]
783
00:27:46,464 --> 00:27:49,645
Announcer: AND NOW
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH
JANE CURTIN.
784
00:27:49,669 --> 00:27:51,312
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH
JANE CURTIN.
I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
785
00:27:51,336 --> 00:27:52,814
JANE CURTIN.
I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
TALKING ABOUT, HARRY.
786
00:27:52,838 --> 00:27:54,149
I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
TALKING ABOUT, HARRY.
YOU'VE GOT TO FORGET HER.
787
00:27:54,173 --> 00:27:55,150
TALKING ABOUT, HARRY.
YOU'VE GOT TO FORGET HER.
IT'S FUTILE.
788
00:27:55,174 --> 00:27:57,653
YOU'VE GOT TO FORGET HER.
IT'S FUTILE.
THAT WOMAN WILL STOP AT NOTHING.
789
00:27:57,677 --> 00:27:59,655
IT'S FUTILE.
THAT WOMAN WILL STOP AT NOTHING.
SO SHE MAKES MORE MONEY THAN YOU
790
00:27:59,679 --> 00:28:00,321
THAT WOMAN WILL STOP AT NOTHING.
SO SHE MAKES MORE MONEY THAN YOU
DO.
791
00:28:00,345 --> 00:28:01,657
SO SHE MAKES MORE MONEY THAN YOU
DO.
YOU HAVE THE CREDIBILITY.
792
00:28:01,681 --> 00:28:04,325
DO.
YOU HAVE THE CREDIBILITY.
YOU CAN PRONOUNCE YOUR R's.
793
00:28:04,349 --> 00:28:05,994
YOU HAVE THE CREDIBILITY.
YOU CAN PRONOUNCE YOUR R's.
YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER,
794
00:28:06,018 --> 00:28:06,662
YOU CAN PRONOUNCE YOUR R's.
YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER,
YOU KNOW.
795
00:28:06,686 --> 00:28:08,496
YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER,
YOU KNOW.
AND I UNDERSTAND YOU.
796
00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:09,831
YOU KNOW.
AND I UNDERSTAND YOU.
JOIN ME HERE AT
797
00:28:09,855 --> 00:28:11,166
AND I UNDERSTAND YOU.
JOIN ME HERE AT
"WEEKEND UPDATE."
798
00:28:11,190 --> 00:28:13,501
JOIN ME HERE AT
"WEEKEND UPDATE."
I WILL BE YOUR CO-ANCHORPERSON,
799
00:28:13,525 --> 00:28:15,170
"WEEKEND UPDATE."
I WILL BE YOUR CO-ANCHORPERSON,
AND I WILL ALSO BE YOUR
800
00:28:15,194 --> 00:28:16,504
I WILL BE YOUR CO-ANCHORPERSON,
AND I WILL ALSO BE YOUR
COMPANION.
801
00:28:16,528 --> 00:28:18,506
AND I WILL ALSO BE YOUR
COMPANION.
I KNOW WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE A
802
00:28:18,530 --> 00:28:20,008
COMPANION.
I KNOW WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE A
MAN HAPPY.
803
00:28:20,032 --> 00:28:22,010
I KNOW WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE A
MAN HAPPY.
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THE, UH,
804
00:28:22,034 --> 00:28:26,014
MAN HAPPY.
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THE, UH,
YOKOHAMA ROPE TRICK, HARRY?
805
00:28:26,038 --> 00:28:27,348
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THE, UH,
YOKOHAMA ROPE TRICK, HARRY?
OH.
806
00:28:27,372 --> 00:28:29,517
YOKOHAMA ROPE TRICK, HARRY?
OH.
WELL, THEN, HOW ABOUT THE, UH,
807
00:28:29,541 --> 00:28:31,519
OH.
WELL, THEN, HOW ABOUT THE, UH,
EMBRACE OF THE BENT BADGERS?
808
00:28:31,543 --> 00:28:33,021
WELL, THEN, HOW ABOUT THE, UH,
EMBRACE OF THE BENT BADGERS?
COME ON, HARRY.
809
00:28:33,045 --> 00:28:34,856
EMBRACE OF THE BENT BADGERS?
COME ON, HARRY.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
810
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:36,191
COME ON, HARRY.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
[Deep voice] I'LL THINK ABOUT
811
00:28:36,215 --> 00:28:37,693
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
[Deep voice] I'LL THINK ABOUT
IT, JANE.
812
00:28:37,717 --> 00:28:39,194
[Deep voice] I'LL THINK ABOUT
IT, JANE.
[Normal voice] I KNOW YOU'LL
813
00:28:39,218 --> 00:28:45,867
IT, JANE.
[Normal voice] I KNOW YOU'LL
MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION, HARRY.
814
00:28:45,891 --> 00:28:48,369
[Normal voice] I KNOW YOU'LL
MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION, HARRY.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT, AT A NEWS
815
00:28:48,393 --> 00:28:50,038
MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION, HARRY.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT, AT A NEWS
CONFERENCE TODAY, DAVID FROST
816
00:28:50,062 --> 00:28:51,773
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT, AT A NEWS
CONFERENCE TODAY, DAVID FROST
CALLED HIS FIRST INTERVIEW WITH
817
00:28:51,797 --> 00:28:53,541
CONFERENCE TODAY, DAVID FROST
CALLED HIS FIRST INTERVIEW WITH
EX-PRESIDENT RICHARD NIXON BOTH
818
00:28:53,565 --> 00:28:55,043
CALLED HIS FIRST INTERVIEW WITH
EX-PRESIDENT RICHARD NIXON BOTH
CANDID AND REVEALING.
819
00:28:55,067 --> 00:28:56,912
EX-PRESIDENT RICHARD NIXON BOTH
CANDID AND REVEALING.
FROST SAID THAT NIXON ADMITTED
820
00:28:56,936 --> 00:28:58,714
CANDID AND REVEALING.
FROST SAID THAT NIXON ADMITTED
HIS INVOLVEMENT IN WATERGATE,
821
00:28:58,738 --> 00:29:00,481
FROST SAID THAT NIXON ADMITTED
HIS INVOLVEMENT IN WATERGATE,
CONCEDED THAT ALGER HISS WAS
822
00:29:00,505 --> 00:29:02,150
HIS INVOLVEMENT IN WATERGATE,
CONCEDED THAT ALGER HISS WAS
INNOCENT, APOLOGIZED FOR BOMBING
823
00:29:02,174 --> 00:29:03,651
CONCEDED THAT ALGER HISS WAS
INNOCENT, APOLOGIZED FOR BOMBING
CAMBODIA, DOCUMENTED
824
00:29:03,675 --> 00:29:05,553
INNOCENT, APOLOGIZED FOR BOMBING
CAMBODIA, DOCUMENTED
"BEBE" REBOZO'S UNDERWORLD
825
00:29:05,577 --> 00:29:07,723
CAMBODIA, DOCUMENTED
"BEBE" REBOZO'S UNDERWORLD
CONNECTIONS, AND, AT ONE POINT,
826
00:29:07,747 --> 00:29:09,124
"BEBE" REBOZO'S UNDERWORLD
CONNECTIONS, AND, AT ONE POINT,
ACTUALLY FELL TO HIS KNEES,
827
00:29:09,148 --> 00:29:10,558
CONNECTIONS, AND, AT ONE POINT,
ACTUALLY FELL TO HIS KNEES,
BEGGING FORGIVENESS FROM THE
828
00:29:10,582 --> 00:29:13,895
ACTUALLY FELL TO HIS KNEES,
BEGGING FORGIVENESS FROM THE
AMERICAN PEOPLE FOR HIS CRIMES.
829
00:29:13,919 --> 00:29:16,231
BEGGING FORGIVENESS FROM THE
AMERICAN PEOPLE FOR HIS CRIMES.
"UNFORTUNATELY...
830
00:29:16,255 --> 00:29:18,233
AMERICAN PEOPLE FOR HIS CRIMES.
"UNFORTUNATELY...
UNFORTUNATELY," ADDED FROST,
831
00:29:18,257 --> 00:29:20,468
"UNFORTUNATELY...
UNFORTUNATELY," ADDED FROST,
"THE VIDEOTAPE WITH THIS PORTION
832
00:29:20,492 --> 00:29:22,570
UNFORTUNATELY," ADDED FROST,
"THE VIDEOTAPE WITH THIS PORTION
OF THE INTERVIEW WAS STOLEN BY
833
00:29:22,594 --> 00:29:25,907
"THE VIDEOTAPE WITH THIS PORTION
OF THE INTERVIEW WAS STOLEN BY
DANIEL ELLSBERG'S PSYCHIATRIST."
834
00:29:25,931 --> 00:29:27,242
OF THE INTERVIEW WAS STOLEN BY
DANIEL ELLSBERG'S PSYCHIATRIST."
WELL, THE LOSER OF THE
835
00:29:27,266 --> 00:29:29,044
DANIEL ELLSBERG'S PSYCHIATRIST."
WELL, THE LOSER OF THE
JIMMY CARTER LOOK-ALIKE CONTEST
836
00:29:29,068 --> 00:29:30,712
WELL, THE LOSER OF THE
JIMMY CARTER LOOK-ALIKE CONTEST
IS IN WASHINGTON THIS WEEK TO
837
00:29:30,736 --> 00:29:31,913
JIMMY CARTER LOOK-ALIKE CONTEST
IS IN WASHINGTON THIS WEEK TO
MEET THE PRESIDENT.
838
00:29:31,937 --> 00:29:33,248
IS IN WASHINGTON THIS WEEK TO
MEET THE PRESIDENT.
FROM HERE, HE'LL BE FLOWN TO
839
00:29:33,272 --> 00:29:36,084
MEET THE PRESIDENT.
FROM HERE, HE'LL BE FLOWN TO
ISRAEL, WHERE HE ALSO LOST THE
840
00:29:36,108 --> 00:29:39,755
FROM HERE, HE'LL BE FLOWN TO
ISRAEL, WHERE HE ALSO LOST THE
GOLDA MEIR LOOK-ALIKE CONTEST.
841
00:29:39,779 --> 00:29:41,757
ISRAEL, WHERE HE ALSO LOST THE
GOLDA MEIR LOOK-ALIKE CONTEST.
POLISH MOVIE DIRECTOR
842
00:29:41,781 --> 00:29:43,691
GOLDA MEIR LOOK-ALIKE CONTEST.
POLISH MOVIE DIRECTOR
ROMAN POLANSKI ANNOUNCED PLANS
843
00:29:43,715 --> 00:29:45,593
POLISH MOVIE DIRECTOR
ROMAN POLANSKI ANNOUNCED PLANS
YESTERDAY TO FILM A REMAKE OF
844
00:29:45,617 --> 00:29:47,595
ROMAN POLANSKI ANNOUNCED PLANS
YESTERDAY TO FILM A REMAKE OF
LOUISA MAY ALCOTT'S
845
00:29:47,619 --> 00:29:50,265
YESTERDAY TO FILM A REMAKE OF
LOUISA MAY ALCOTT'S
"LITTLE WOMEN."
846
00:29:50,289 --> 00:29:52,267
LOUISA MAY ALCOTT'S
"LITTLE WOMEN."
PBHT!
847
00:29:52,291 --> 00:29:53,268
"LITTLE WOMEN."
PBHT!
[CLEARS THROAT]
848
00:29:53,292 --> 00:29:54,903
PBHT!
[CLEARS THROAT]
ACCORDING TO A BOOK PUBLISHED
849
00:29:54,927 --> 00:29:56,271
[CLEARS THROAT]
ACCORDING TO A BOOK PUBLISHED
THIS WEEK, NOT ONLY DID
850
00:29:56,295 --> 00:29:57,939
ACCORDING TO A BOOK PUBLISHED
THIS WEEK, NOT ONLY DID
GEORGE WASHINGTON HAVE WOODEN
851
00:29:57,963 --> 00:29:59,440
THIS WEEK, NOT ONLY DID
GEORGE WASHINGTON HAVE WOODEN
TEETH, BUT AMERICA'S FIRST
852
00:29:59,464 --> 00:30:01,643
GEORGE WASHINGTON HAVE WOODEN
TEETH, BUT AMERICA'S FIRST
PRESIDENT ALSO HAD A WOODEN EYE,
853
00:30:01,667 --> 00:30:03,745
TEETH, BUT AMERICA'S FIRST
PRESIDENT ALSO HAD A WOODEN EYE,
A WOODEN LEG, FOUR WOODEN TOES,
854
00:30:03,769 --> 00:30:05,947
PRESIDENT ALSO HAD A WOODEN EYE,
A WOODEN LEG, FOUR WOODEN TOES,
A WOODEN WRIST, A WOODEN SPLEEN,
855
00:30:05,971 --> 00:30:07,949
A WOODEN LEG, FOUR WOODEN TOES,
A WOODEN WRIST, A WOODEN SPLEEN,
AND A WOODEN PROSTATE GLAND.
856
00:30:07,973 --> 00:30:10,618
A WOODEN WRIST, A WOODEN SPLEEN,
AND A WOODEN PROSTATE GLAND.
IN FACT, HE WAS THE ROWBOAT THAT
857
00:30:10,642 --> 00:30:12,620
AND A WOODEN PROSTATE GLAND.
IN FACT, HE WAS THE ROWBOAT THAT
CROSSED THE DELAWARE.
858
00:30:12,644 --> 00:30:14,956
IN FACT, HE WAS THE ROWBOAT THAT
CROSSED THE DELAWARE.
DON'T YOU LOVE HISTORY?
859
00:30:14,980 --> 00:30:16,224
CROSSED THE DELAWARE.
DON'T YOU LOVE HISTORY?
WELL, THE 36-MEMBER
860
00:30:16,248 --> 00:30:17,725
DON'T YOU LOVE HISTORY?
WELL, THE 36-MEMBER
ASSASSINATION COMMITTEE
861
00:30:17,749 --> 00:30:19,694
WELL, THE 36-MEMBER
ASSASSINATION COMMITTEE
INVESTIGATING THE ASSASSINATIONS
862
00:30:19,718 --> 00:30:21,163
ASSASSINATION COMMITTEE
INVESTIGATING THE ASSASSINATIONS
OF JOHN F. KENNEDY AND
863
00:30:21,187 --> 00:30:22,964
INVESTIGATING THE ASSASSINATIONS
OF JOHN F. KENNEDY AND
MARTIN LUTHER KING WAS ITSELF
864
00:30:22,988 --> 00:30:24,966
OF JOHN F. KENNEDY AND
MARTIN LUTHER KING WAS ITSELF
ASSASSINATED THIS WEEK.
865
00:30:24,990 --> 00:30:26,401
MARTIN LUTHER KING WAS ITSELF
ASSASSINATED THIS WEEK.
THE COMMITTEE WAS RUSHED TO
866
00:30:26,425 --> 00:30:27,969
ASSASSINATED THIS WEEK.
THE COMMITTEE WAS RUSHED TO
BETHESDA NAVAL HOSPITAL, WHERE
867
00:30:27,993 --> 00:30:31,973
THE COMMITTEE WAS RUSHED TO
BETHESDA NAVAL HOSPITAL, WHERE
IT DIED AT 2:02, 2:09, 2:17,
868
00:30:31,997 --> 00:30:36,978
BETHESDA NAVAL HOSPITAL, WHERE
IT DIED AT 2:02, 2:09, 2:17,
2:41, 3:38, AND 5:23.
869
00:30:37,002 --> 00:30:39,347
IT DIED AT 2:02, 2:09, 2:17,
2:41, 3:38, AND 5:23.
KARL MALDEN AND ERNEST BORGNINE
870
00:30:39,371 --> 00:30:41,649
2:41, 3:38, AND 5:23.
KARL MALDEN AND ERNEST BORGNINE
WILL COSTAR IN A NEW ADVENTURE
871
00:30:41,673 --> 00:30:43,985
KARL MALDEN AND ERNEST BORGNINE
WILL COSTAR IN A NEW ADVENTURE
SERIES NEXT SEASON ON NBC TV.
872
00:30:44,009 --> 00:30:45,787
WILL COSTAR IN A NEW ADVENTURE
SERIES NEXT SEASON ON NBC TV.
THE TWO STARS, SHOWN HERE DINING
873
00:30:45,811 --> 00:30:47,555
SERIES NEXT SEASON ON NBC TV.
THE TWO STARS, SHOWN HERE DINING
IN BEVERLY HILLS, SAY THEY LOOK
874
00:30:47,579 --> 00:30:49,324
THE TWO STARS, SHOWN HERE DINING
IN BEVERLY HILLS, SAY THEY LOOK
FORWARD TO WORKING TOGETHER FOR
875
00:30:49,348 --> 00:30:51,492
IN BEVERLY HILLS, SAY THEY LOOK
FORWARD TO WORKING TOGETHER FOR
A LONG TIME.
876
00:30:51,516 --> 00:30:52,828
FORWARD TO WORKING TOGETHER FOR
A LONG TIME.
STILL TO COME,
877
00:30:52,852 --> 00:30:54,996
A LONG TIME.
STILL TO COME,
DR. RENéE RICHARDS DESCRIBES HER
878
00:30:55,020 --> 00:30:56,998
STILL TO COME,
DR. RENéE RICHARDS DESCRIBES HER
OPERATION AFTER THIS MESSAGE.
879
00:30:57,022 --> 00:31:00,262
DR. RENéE RICHARDS DESCRIBES HER
OPERATION AFTER THIS MESSAGE.
[LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE]
880
00:31:06,164 --> 00:31:12,480
[DOOR OPENS, BELL DINGS]
MR. WIGGINS, HAVE YOU GOT
ANYTHING FOR THAT TIRED,
881
00:31:12,504 --> 00:31:13,581
MR. WIGGINS, HAVE YOU GOT
ANYTHING FOR THAT TIRED,
HEADACHY FEELING?
882
00:31:13,605 --> 00:31:15,416
ANYTHING FOR THAT TIRED,
HEADACHY FEELING?
JIM'S BEEN, UH, PRETTY RUN-DOWN
883
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:16,017
HEADACHY FEELING?
JIM'S BEEN, UH, PRETTY RUN-DOWN
LATELY.
884
00:31:16,041 --> 00:31:17,685
JIM'S BEEN, UH, PRETTY RUN-DOWN
LATELY.
NONE OF MY REGULAR PAIN
885
00:31:17,709 --> 00:31:19,187
LATELY.
NONE OF MY REGULAR PAIN
RELIEVERS SEEM TO WORK.
886
00:31:19,211 --> 00:31:21,022
NONE OF MY REGULAR PAIN
RELIEVERS SEEM TO WORK.
MARY, HAVE YOU AND JIM EVER
887
00:31:21,046 --> 00:31:22,357
RELIEVERS SEEM TO WORK.
MARY, HAVE YOU AND JIM EVER
TRIED LEECHES?
888
00:31:22,381 --> 00:31:23,358
MARY, HAVE YOU AND JIM EVER
TRIED LEECHES?
LEECHES?
889
00:31:23,382 --> 00:31:24,926
TRIED LEECHES?
LEECHES?
YOU MEAN BLOODSUCKERS?
890
00:31:24,950 --> 00:31:26,027
LEECHES?
YOU MEAN BLOODSUCKERS?
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
891
00:31:26,051 --> 00:31:27,362
YOU MEAN BLOODSUCKERS?
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
WELL, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
892
00:31:27,386 --> 00:31:28,696
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
WELL, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH BLOODSUCKING, JIM.
893
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:30,098
WELL, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH BLOODSUCKING, JIM.
HERE, TRY THIS LEECH.
894
00:31:30,122 --> 00:31:31,432
WITH BLOODSUCKING, JIM.
HERE, TRY THIS LEECH.
PUT IT ON YOUR FACE.
895
00:31:31,456 --> 00:31:32,700
HERE, TRY THIS LEECH.
PUT IT ON YOUR FACE.
YOU'LL FEEL BETTER.
896
00:31:32,724 --> 00:31:34,202
PUT IT ON YOUR FACE.
YOU'LL FEEL BETTER.
OKAY, MR. WIGGINS.
897
00:31:34,226 --> 00:31:35,871
YOU'LL FEEL BETTER.
OKAY, MR. WIGGINS.
YES, NOW WITH NEW
898
00:31:35,895 --> 00:31:37,272
OKAY, MR. WIGGINS.
YES, NOW WITH NEW
LEECH-TAB 100, YOU GET
899
00:31:37,296 --> 00:31:39,207
YES, NOW WITH NEW
LEECH-TAB 100, YOU GET
INDIVIDUALLY BOTTLED WHOLE, LIVE
900
00:31:39,231 --> 00:31:40,942
LEECH-TAB 100, YOU GET
INDIVIDUALLY BOTTLED WHOLE, LIVE
LEECHES, EACH PRESERVED IN A
901
00:31:40,966 --> 00:31:42,643
INDIVIDUALLY BOTTLED WHOLE, LIVE
LEECHES, EACH PRESERVED IN A
SOLUTION OF PURE SPRINGWATER
902
00:31:42,667 --> 00:31:44,379
LEECHES, EACH PRESERVED IN A
SOLUTION OF PURE SPRINGWATER
AND THE LEECHES' ALL-NATURAL
903
00:31:44,403 --> 00:31:45,380
SOLUTION OF PURE SPRINGWATER
AND THE LEECHES' ALL-NATURAL
SECRETIONS.
904
00:31:45,404 --> 00:31:46,714
AND THE LEECHES' ALL-NATURAL
SECRETIONS.
AND A SINGLE APPLICATION OF A
905
00:31:46,738 --> 00:31:48,750
SECRETIONS.
AND A SINGLE APPLICATION OF A
LEECH-TAB 100 DRAINS OFF EXCESS
906
00:31:48,774 --> 00:31:50,752
AND A SINGLE APPLICATION OF A
LEECH-TAB 100 DRAINS OFF EXCESS
BLOOD, ACTUALLY GIVES THE BLOOD
907
00:31:50,776 --> 00:31:52,720
LEECH-TAB 100 DRAINS OFF EXCESS
BLOOD, ACTUALLY GIVES THE BLOOD
LEFT IN YOUR BODY MORE ROOM TO
908
00:31:52,744 --> 00:31:53,721
BLOOD, ACTUALLY GIVES THE BLOOD
LEFT IN YOUR BODY MORE ROOM TO
CIRCULATE.
909
00:31:53,745 --> 00:31:55,891
LEFT IN YOUR BODY MORE ROOM TO
CIRCULATE.
BUT AREN'T LEECHES, WELL,
910
00:31:55,915 --> 00:31:57,392
CIRCULATE.
BUT AREN'T LEECHES, WELL,
KIND OF OLD-FASHIONED?
911
00:31:57,416 --> 00:31:58,994
BUT AREN'T LEECHES, WELL,
KIND OF OLD-FASHIONED?
WELL, SOMETIMES, THE
912
00:31:59,018 --> 00:32:00,929
KIND OF OLD-FASHIONED?
WELL, SOMETIMES, THE
OLD-FASHIONED WAY IS THE BEST
913
00:32:00,953 --> 00:32:01,729
WELL, SOMETIMES, THE
OLD-FASHIONED WAY IS THE BEST
WAY, JIM.
914
00:32:01,753 --> 00:32:03,731
OLD-FASHIONED WAY IS THE BEST
WAY, JIM.
SAY, MR. WIGGINS, I REMEMBER
915
00:32:03,755 --> 00:32:05,633
WAY, JIM.
SAY, MR. WIGGINS, I REMEMBER
MOM TELLING ME ABOUT LEECHES.
916
00:32:05,657 --> 00:32:07,568
SAY, MR. WIGGINS, I REMEMBER
MOM TELLING ME ABOUT LEECHES.
SHE SAID GRAMPS SWORE BY THEM.
917
00:32:07,592 --> 00:32:09,237
MOM TELLING ME ABOUT LEECHES.
SHE SAID GRAMPS SWORE BY THEM.
YOU KNOW, I FEEL BETTER
918
00:32:09,261 --> 00:32:10,571
SHE SAID GRAMPS SWORE BY THEM.
YOU KNOW, I FEEL BETTER
ALREADY.
919
00:32:10,595 --> 00:32:12,073
YOU KNOW, I FEEL BETTER
ALREADY.
YOU KNOW, SOME THINGS NEVER
920
00:32:12,097 --> 00:32:12,573
ALREADY.
YOU KNOW, SOME THINGS NEVER
CHANGE.
921
00:32:12,597 --> 00:32:14,441
YOU KNOW, SOME THINGS NEVER
CHANGE.
LEECHES ARE ONE OF THEM.
922
00:32:14,465 --> 00:32:16,166
SO GET LEECH-TAB 100 BY
923
00:32:16,301 --> 00:32:18,335
ORTHOX MEDCO AND SUCK OUT THAT
924
00:32:18,469 --> 00:32:19,669
BAD BLOOD.
925
00:32:19,804 --> 00:32:21,004
THERE YOU GO, LITTLE FELLA.
926
00:32:21,139 --> 00:32:22,005
YEAH.
927
00:32:22,140 --> 00:32:23,506
Announcer: LEECH-TAB 100 BY
928
00:32:23,641 --> 00:32:24,507
ORTHOX MEDCO.
929
00:32:24,642 --> 00:32:25,508
USE ONLY AS DIRECTED.
930
00:32:25,643 --> 00:32:27,177
MAY RESULT IN MINOR ABRASION,
931
00:32:27,312 --> 00:32:29,012
BLOTCHING, OR SKIN INFLAMMATION.
932
00:32:29,147 --> 00:32:30,948
[APPLAUSE]
933
00:32:35,886 --> 00:32:39,968
A "WEEKEND UPDATE"
CORRECTION.
LAST WEEK, WE INADVERTENTLY
934
00:32:39,992 --> 00:32:41,569
CORRECTION.
LAST WEEK, WE INADVERTENTLY
REPORTED THAT THE CALIFORNIA
935
00:32:41,593 --> 00:32:43,238
LAST WEEK, WE INADVERTENTLY
REPORTED THAT THE CALIFORNIA
STATE LEGISLATURE HAD CHANGED
936
00:32:43,262 --> 00:32:45,240
REPORTED THAT THE CALIFORNIA
STATE LEGISLATURE HAD CHANGED
THE STATE'S NAME TO WILLIE MAYS.
937
00:32:45,264 --> 00:32:46,841
STATE LEGISLATURE HAD CHANGED
THE STATE'S NAME TO WILLIE MAYS.
WELL, WE STAND CORRECTED.
938
00:32:46,865 --> 00:32:48,643
THE STATE'S NAME TO WILLIE MAYS.
WELL, WE STAND CORRECTED.
WHAT WE MEANT TO SAY WAS THAT
939
00:32:48,667 --> 00:32:50,578
WELL, WE STAND CORRECTED.
WHAT WE MEANT TO SAY WAS THAT
QUEEN ELIZABETH II WAS STUDYING
940
00:32:50,602 --> 00:32:53,915
WHAT WE MEANT TO SAY WAS THAT
QUEEN ELIZABETH II WAS STUDYING
ELECTROLYSIS IN HER SPARE TIME.
941
00:32:53,939 --> 00:32:55,750
QUEEN ELIZABETH II WAS STUDYING
ELECTROLYSIS IN HER SPARE TIME.
MORE ON THAT ASSASSINATION
942
00:32:55,774 --> 00:32:56,418
ELECTROLYSIS IN HER SPARE TIME.
MORE ON THAT ASSASSINATION
COMMITTEE.
943
00:32:56,442 --> 00:33:00,922
MORE ON THAT ASSASSINATION
COMMITTEE.
7:55, 8:06, AND 11:34.
944
00:33:00,946 --> 00:33:03,591
COMMITTEE.
7:55, 8:06, AND 11:34.
[INHALES DEEPLY]
945
00:33:03,615 --> 00:33:05,927
7:55, 8:06, AND 11:34.
[INHALES DEEPLY]
WELL, NEXT MONDAY IS OSCAR
946
00:33:05,951 --> 00:33:07,595
[INHALES DEEPLY]
WELL, NEXT MONDAY IS OSCAR
NIGHT, AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO
947
00:33:07,619 --> 00:33:09,264
WELL, NEXT MONDAY IS OSCAR
NIGHT, AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO
ARE IMPATIENT FOR THE RESULTS,
948
00:33:09,288 --> 00:33:11,433
NIGHT, AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO
ARE IMPATIENT FOR THE RESULTS,
AS WE WERE, WE HAVE THEM.
949
00:33:11,457 --> 00:33:12,800
ARE IMPATIENT FOR THE RESULTS,
AS WE WERE, WE HAVE THEM.
YOU SEE, PRICEWATERHOUSE, THE
950
00:33:12,824 --> 00:33:14,302
AS WE WERE, WE HAVE THEM.
YOU SEE, PRICEWATERHOUSE, THE
ACCOUNTING FIRM THAT TALLIES THE
951
00:33:14,326 --> 00:33:15,736
YOU SEE, PRICEWATERHOUSE, THE
ACCOUNTING FIRM THAT TALLIES THE
ACADEMY'S VOTES, IS RIGHT HERE
952
00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:17,172
ACCOUNTING FIRM THAT TALLIES THE
ACADEMY'S VOTES, IS RIGHT HERE
IN THE BUILDING, AND ONE OF OUR
953
00:33:17,196 --> 00:33:18,606
ACADEMY'S VOTES, IS RIGHT HERE
IN THE BUILDING, AND ONE OF OUR
WRITERS HAPPENED TO BE WALKING
954
00:33:18,630 --> 00:33:20,608
IN THE BUILDING, AND ONE OF OUR
WRITERS HAPPENED TO BE WALKING
PAST THEIR OFFICE, AND YOU KNOW
955
00:33:20,632 --> 00:33:22,610
WRITERS HAPPENED TO BE WALKING
PAST THEIR OFFICE, AND YOU KNOW
HOW THEY SAY THEY GUARD THE
956
00:33:22,634 --> 00:33:25,613
PAST THEIR OFFICE, AND YOU KNOW
HOW THEY SAY THEY GUARD THE
RESULTS... UH, ALL THAT SECURITY
957
00:33:25,637 --> 00:33:26,614
HOW THEY SAY THEY GUARD THE
RESULTS... UH, ALL THAT SECURITY
AND SECRECY.
958
00:33:26,638 --> 00:33:27,949
RESULTS... UH, ALL THAT SECURITY
AND SECRECY.
WELL, THE DOOR WAS WIDE OPEN,
959
00:33:27,973 --> 00:33:29,617
AND SECRECY.
WELL, THE DOOR WAS WIDE OPEN,
AND SOME OF THE ENVELOPES WERE
960
00:33:29,641 --> 00:33:32,287
WELL, THE DOOR WAS WIDE OPEN,
AND SOME OF THE ENVELOPES WERE
SITTING RIGHT THERE, SO WE TOOK
961
00:33:32,311 --> 00:33:33,621
AND SOME OF THE ENVELOPES WERE
SITTING RIGHT THERE, SO WE TOOK
THEM.
962
00:33:33,645 --> 00:33:35,623
SITTING RIGHT THERE, SO WE TOOK
THEM.
AND WE DO HAVE THE RESULTS FOR
963
00:33:35,647 --> 00:33:37,625
THEM.
AND WE DO HAVE THE RESULTS FOR
YOU RIGHT NOW.
964
00:33:37,649 --> 00:33:39,961
AND WE DO HAVE THE RESULTS FOR
YOU RIGHT NOW.
FOR BEST ACTOR,
965
00:33:39,985 --> 00:33:41,963
YOU RIGHT NOW.
FOR BEST ACTOR,
SYLVESTER STALLONE.
966
00:33:41,987 --> 00:33:46,134
FOR BEST ACTOR,
SYLVESTER STALLONE.
[LAUGHS]
967
00:33:46,158 --> 00:33:48,970
SYLVESTER STALLONE.
[LAUGHS]
BEST ACTRESS, FAYE DUNAWAY FOR
968
00:33:48,994 --> 00:33:49,971
[LAUGHS]
BEST ACTRESS, FAYE DUNAWAY FOR
"NETWORK."
969
00:33:49,995 --> 00:33:51,973
BEST ACTRESS, FAYE DUNAWAY FOR
"NETWORK."
AND BEST MOVIE,
970
00:33:51,997 --> 00:33:53,208
"NETWORK."
AND BEST MOVIE,
"ALL THE PRESIDENT'S MEN."
971
00:33:53,232 --> 00:33:54,442
AND BEST MOVIE,
"ALL THE PRESIDENT'S MEN."
TO ALL YOU DIRECTORS, WE'RE
972
00:33:54,466 --> 00:33:54,876
"ALL THE PRESIDENT'S MEN."
TO ALL YOU DIRECTORS, WE'RE
SORRY.
973
00:33:54,900 --> 00:33:56,311
TO ALL YOU DIRECTORS, WE'RE
SORRY.
WE COULDN'T FIND YOUR ENVELOPE.
974
00:33:56,335 --> 00:33:58,146
SORRY.
WE COULDN'T FIND YOUR ENVELOPE.
AND TO ALL YOU VIEWERS, ENJOY
975
00:33:58,170 --> 00:33:59,147
WE COULDN'T FIND YOUR ENVELOPE.
AND TO ALL YOU VIEWERS, ENJOY
THE SHOW MONDAY.
976
00:33:59,171 --> 00:34:00,482
AND TO ALL YOU VIEWERS, ENJOY
THE SHOW MONDAY.
BUT YOU'LL FIND OUT THAT WE WERE
977
00:34:00,506 --> 00:34:02,150
THE SHOW MONDAY.
BUT YOU'LL FIND OUT THAT WE WERE
RIGHT.
978
00:34:02,174 --> 00:34:03,485
BUT YOU'LL FIND OUT THAT WE WERE
RIGHT.
[CLEARS THROAT]
979
00:34:03,509 --> 00:34:05,453
RIGHT.
[CLEARS THROAT]
AT A WASHINGTON PRESS CONFERENCE
980
00:34:05,477 --> 00:34:06,954
[CLEARS THROAT]
AT A WASHINGTON PRESS CONFERENCE
THIS WEEK, SECRETARY OF
981
00:34:06,978 --> 00:34:08,456
AT A WASHINGTON PRESS CONFERENCE
THIS WEEK, SECRETARY OF
AGRICULTURE BOB BERGLAND
982
00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:10,325
THIS WEEK, SECRETARY OF
AGRICULTURE BOB BERGLAND
DISCUSSED MILK PRICE SUPPORTS.
983
00:34:10,349 --> 00:34:11,493
AGRICULTURE BOB BERGLAND
DISCUSSED MILK PRICE SUPPORTS.
WHEN ASKED WHAT HE THOUGHT OF
984
00:34:11,517 --> 00:34:12,827
DISCUSSED MILK PRICE SUPPORTS.
WHEN ASKED WHAT HE THOUGHT OF
PRESIDENT CARTER'S DECISION TO
985
00:34:12,851 --> 00:34:14,662
WHEN ASKED WHAT HE THOUGHT OF
PRESIDENT CARTER'S DECISION TO
RAISE THE PRICES, BERGLAND BLEW
986
00:34:14,686 --> 00:34:17,665
PRESIDENT CARTER'S DECISION TO
RAISE THE PRICES, BERGLAND BLEW
HIS NOSE IN A DIXIE CUP.
987
00:34:17,689 --> 00:34:20,335
RAISE THE PRICES, BERGLAND BLEW
HIS NOSE IN A DIXIE CUP.
AND OUR FINAL STORY TONIGHT IS A
988
00:34:20,359 --> 00:34:21,669
HIS NOSE IN A DIXIE CUP.
AND OUR FINAL STORY TONIGHT IS A
TOUCHING ONE, AS ICEBERG, THE
989
00:34:21,693 --> 00:34:23,505
AND OUR FINAL STORY TONIGHT IS A
TOUCHING ONE, AS ICEBERG, THE
POPULAR POLAR BEAR IN THE
990
00:34:23,529 --> 00:34:25,340
TOUCHING ONE, AS ICEBERG, THE
POPULAR POLAR BEAR IN THE
LONDON ZOO, GAVE BIRTH THIS WEEK
991
00:34:25,364 --> 00:34:26,674
POPULAR POLAR BEAR IN THE
LONDON ZOO, GAVE BIRTH THIS WEEK
TO A BABY WHO WAS NAMED
992
00:34:26,698 --> 00:34:28,510
LONDON ZOO, GAVE BIRTH THIS WEEK
TO A BABY WHO WAS NAMED
SNOWFLAKE BY THE KEEPERS.
993
00:34:28,534 --> 00:34:30,678
TO A BABY WHO WAS NAMED
SNOWFLAKE BY THE KEEPERS.
IT WAS THE 67,000th SUCH BIRTH
994
00:34:30,702 --> 00:34:32,380
SNOWFLAKE BY THE KEEPERS.
IT WAS THE 67,000th SUCH BIRTH
IN CAPTIVITY AND OF NO
995
00:34:32,404 --> 00:34:34,682
IT WAS THE 67,000th SUCH BIRTH
IN CAPTIVITY AND OF NO
IMPORTANCE TO ANYONE WHATSOEVER.
996
00:34:34,706 --> 00:34:37,185
IN CAPTIVITY AND OF NO
IMPORTANCE TO ANYONE WHATSOEVER.
GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT
997
00:34:37,209 --> 00:34:38,186
IMPORTANCE TO ANYONE WHATSOEVER.
GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.
998
00:34:38,210 --> 00:34:40,210
GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.
[APPLAUSE]
999
00:35:17,548 --> 00:35:22,897
OKAY.
OKAY, THE MOUNTAINS ARE OVER
HERE.
1000
00:35:22,921 --> 00:35:25,733
OKAY, THE MOUNTAINS ARE OVER
HERE.
THE RIVER IS OVER HERE.
1001
00:35:25,757 --> 00:35:26,734
HERE.
THE RIVER IS OVER HERE.
HMM.
1002
00:35:26,758 --> 00:35:29,237
THE RIVER IS OVER HERE.
HMM.
I SAY WE GO THAT WAY.
1003
00:35:29,261 --> 00:35:30,738
HMM.
I SAY WE GO THAT WAY.
LOOKS GOOD TO ME.
1004
00:35:30,762 --> 00:35:31,739
I SAY WE GO THAT WAY.
LOOKS GOOD TO ME.
ME, TOO.
1005
00:35:31,763 --> 00:35:34,075
LOOKS GOOD TO ME.
ME, TOO.
OKAY, EVERYBODY!
1006
00:35:34,099 --> 00:35:35,076
ME, TOO.
OKAY, EVERYBODY!
LET'S GO!
1007
00:35:35,100 --> 00:35:40,370
OKAY, EVERYBODY!
LET'S GO!
ALL RIGHT!
1008
00:35:40,638 --> 00:35:42,506
Announcer: THESE ARE THE
1009
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:44,841
SQUATTERS, AND THIS IS THEIR
1010
00:35:44,975 --> 00:35:46,776
STORY.
1011
00:36:08,666 --> 00:36:13,681
[GROANS]
BOY, AM I TIRED.
YEAH, MY KNEES ARE KILLING
1012
00:36:13,705 --> 00:36:14,182
BOY, AM I TIRED.
YEAH, MY KNEES ARE KILLING
ME.
1013
00:36:14,206 --> 00:36:15,350
YEAH, MY KNEES ARE KILLING
ME.
MINE, TOO.
1014
00:36:15,374 --> 00:36:18,686
ME.
MINE, TOO.
WELL, THIS LOOKS LIKE AS GOOD
1015
00:36:18,710 --> 00:36:20,021
MINE, TOO.
WELL, THIS LOOKS LIKE AS GOOD
A PLACE AS ANY.
1016
00:36:20,045 --> 00:36:21,689
WELL, THIS LOOKS LIKE AS GOOD
A PLACE AS ANY.
LET'S STOP HERE.
1017
00:36:21,713 --> 00:36:23,358
A PLACE AS ANY.
LET'S STOP HERE.
SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.
1018
00:36:23,382 --> 00:36:25,693
LET'S STOP HERE.
SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.
OKAY, EVERYBODY!
1019
00:36:25,717 --> 00:36:27,362
SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.
OKAY, EVERYBODY!
THIS IS THE PLACE!
1020
00:36:27,386 --> 00:36:28,562
OKAY, EVERYBODY!
THIS IS THE PLACE!
[CHEERING]
1021
00:36:28,586 --> 00:36:31,888
COME ON, LET'S GO TO WORK!
1022
00:36:47,771 --> 00:36:52,953
[UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]
[CHEERING]
FACE YOUR PARTNER, DO-SI-DO.
1023
00:36:52,977 --> 00:36:54,789
[CHEERING]
FACE YOUR PARTNER, DO-SI-DO.
IF YOU LOVE HER, LET HER SEE.
1024
00:36:54,813 --> 00:36:55,956
FACE YOUR PARTNER, DO-SI-DO.
IF YOU LOVE HER, LET HER SEE.
NOW, PROMENADE NOW.
1025
00:36:55,980 --> 00:36:57,625
IF YOU LOVE HER, LET HER SEE.
NOW, PROMENADE NOW.
AND COME BACK HOME.
1026
00:36:57,649 --> 00:36:58,959
NOW, PROMENADE NOW.
AND COME BACK HOME.
THE LANE IS CLEAR.
1027
00:36:58,983 --> 00:37:00,961
AND COME BACK HOME.
THE LANE IS CLEAR.
[CHEERING]
1028
00:37:00,985 --> 00:37:05,633
THE LANE IS CLEAR.
[CHEERING]
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
1029
00:37:05,657 --> 00:37:07,302
[CHEERING]
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
HEY, YOU KNOW, MA, HERE, IS
1030
00:37:07,326 --> 00:37:08,969
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
HEY, YOU KNOW, MA, HERE, IS
THE BEST COOK IN THE TERRITORY.
1031
00:37:08,993 --> 00:37:10,471
HEY, YOU KNOW, MA, HERE, IS
THE BEST COOK IN THE TERRITORY.
NOW, WHAT ARE WE...
1032
00:37:10,495 --> 00:37:12,307
THE BEST COOK IN THE TERRITORY.
NOW, WHAT ARE WE...
WHAT'S FOR DINNER TONIGHT, MA?
1033
00:37:12,331 --> 00:37:13,308
NOW, WHAT ARE WE...
WHAT'S FOR DINNER TONIGHT, MA?
SQUAB.
1034
00:37:13,332 --> 00:37:15,810
WHAT'S FOR DINNER TONIGHT, MA?
SQUAB.
OH, AND THAT'S... VEGETABLE?
1035
00:37:15,834 --> 00:37:17,144
SQUAB.
OH, AND THAT'S... VEGETABLE?
WHAT'S THAT VEGETABLE?
1036
00:37:17,168 --> 00:37:18,145
OH, AND THAT'S... VEGETABLE?
WHAT'S THAT VEGETABLE?
SQUASH.
1037
00:37:18,169 --> 00:37:19,980
WHAT'S THAT VEGETABLE?
SQUASH.
UH-HUH, SQUASH AND...
1038
00:37:20,004 --> 00:37:20,981
SQUASH.
UH-HUH, SQUASH AND...
WHO ARE YOU?!
1039
00:37:21,005 --> 00:37:22,317
UH-HUH, SQUASH AND...
WHO ARE YOU?!
SQUAW.
1040
00:37:22,341 --> 00:37:23,484
WHO ARE YOU?!
SQUAW.
COME ON, SQUAW.
1041
00:37:23,508 --> 00:37:26,109
SQUAW.
COME ON, SQUAW.
OVER HERE BY ME, SQUAW.
1042
00:37:33,984 --> 00:37:39,100
HEY, HEY, HEY!
YOU CAN STOP RUNNING.
YOU'VE FOUND A HOME AS A
1043
00:37:39,124 --> 00:37:39,834
YOU CAN STOP RUNNING.
YOU'VE FOUND A HOME AS A
SQUATTER.
1044
00:37:39,858 --> 00:37:41,168
YOU'VE FOUND A HOME AS A
SQUATTER.
THANKS!
1045
00:37:41,192 --> 00:37:45,005
SQUATTER.
THANKS!
MY NAME'S DRED SQUAT.
1046
00:37:45,029 --> 00:37:46,006
THANKS!
MY NAME'S DRED SQUAT.
WELCOME, DRED.
1047
00:37:46,030 --> 00:37:47,508
MY NAME'S DRED SQUAT.
WELCOME, DRED.
NO REASON YOU SHOULD LIVE IN
1048
00:37:47,532 --> 00:37:48,876
WELCOME, DRED.
NO REASON YOU SHOULD LIVE IN
SQUALOR WHEN YOU CAN BE A
1049
00:37:48,900 --> 00:37:49,510
NO REASON YOU SHOULD LIVE IN
SQUALOR WHEN YOU CAN BE A
SQUATTER.
1050
00:37:49,534 --> 00:37:51,468
SQUALOR WHEN YOU CAN BE A
SQUATTER.
YEAH.
1051
00:38:06,684 --> 00:38:13,200
ARE YOU PEOPLE SQUATTERS?
DOES A BEAR SQUAT IN THE
WOODS?
1052
00:38:13,224 --> 00:38:14,302
DOES A BEAR SQUAT IN THE
WOODS?
WELL, I'M COLONEL
1053
00:38:14,326 --> 00:38:15,637
WOODS?
WELL, I'M COLONEL
GEORGE HALL, UNITED STATES
1054
00:38:15,661 --> 00:38:16,203
WELL, I'M COLONEL
GEORGE HALL, UNITED STATES
CAVALRY.
1055
00:38:16,227 --> 00:38:18,038
GEORGE HALL, UNITED STATES
CAVALRY.
I'M ASSIGNED TO ORDER YOU PEOPLE
1056
00:38:18,062 --> 00:38:19,707
CAVALRY.
I'M ASSIGNED TO ORDER YOU PEOPLE
OFF RAILROAD PROPERTY.
1057
00:38:19,731 --> 00:38:21,576
I'M ASSIGNED TO ORDER YOU PEOPLE
OFF RAILROAD PROPERTY.
YOU MEAN YOU'RE TAKING OUR
1058
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:23,511
OFF RAILROAD PROPERTY.
YOU MEAN YOU'RE TAKING OUR
LAND, AND YOU AREN'T GONNA PAY
1059
00:38:23,535 --> 00:38:24,879
YOU MEAN YOU'RE TAKING OUR
LAND, AND YOU AREN'T GONNA PAY
US ANYTHING FOR IT?!
1060
00:38:24,903 --> 00:38:26,213
LAND, AND YOU AREN'T GONNA PAY
US ANYTHING FOR IT?!
YOU AIN'T GONNA GET
1061
00:38:26,237 --> 00:38:29,506
US ANYTHING FOR IT?!
YOU AIN'T GONNA GET
DIDDLY-SQUAT.
1062
00:38:39,550 --> 00:38:47,550
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU, I DON'T
KNOW ABOUT ANYBODY ELSE, BUT I'M
1063
00:38:49,328 --> 00:38:49,737
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU, I DON'T
KNOW ABOUT ANYBODY ELSE, BUT I'M
MAD.
1064
00:38:49,761 --> 00:38:51,071
KNOW ABOUT ANYBODY ELSE, BUT I'M
MAD.
[CHEERING]
1065
00:38:51,095 --> 00:38:52,807
MAD.
[CHEERING]
I SAY WE FIGHT THE RAILROAD
1066
00:38:52,831 --> 00:38:53,541
[CHEERING]
I SAY WE FIGHT THE RAILROAD
WITH GUNS.
1067
00:38:53,565 --> 00:38:54,575
I SAY WE FIGHT THE RAILROAD
WITH GUNS.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
1068
00:38:54,599 --> 00:38:56,577
WITH GUNS.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
NO, NO, NO, NO, YOU IDIOT!
1069
00:38:56,601 --> 00:38:57,912
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
NO, NO, NO, NO, YOU IDIOT!
WE'LL ALL GET KILLED.
1070
00:38:57,936 --> 00:38:59,914
NO, NO, NO, NO, YOU IDIOT!
WE'LL ALL GET KILLED.
WHY, YOU CHICKEN SQUAWK.
1071
00:38:59,938 --> 00:39:01,248
WE'LL ALL GET KILLED.
WHY, YOU CHICKEN SQUAWK.
HEY, HEY, HOLD IT.
1072
00:39:01,272 --> 00:39:02,249
WHY, YOU CHICKEN SQUAWK.
HEY, HEY, HOLD IT.
ALL RIGHT!
1073
00:39:02,273 --> 00:39:03,418
HEY, HEY, HOLD IT.
ALL RIGHT!
ALL RIGHT, STOP IT!
1074
00:39:03,442 --> 00:39:04,419
ALL RIGHT!
ALL RIGHT, STOP IT!
STOP IT!
1075
00:39:04,443 --> 00:39:06,086
ALL RIGHT, STOP IT!
STOP IT!
STOP IT!
1076
00:39:06,110 --> 00:39:07,922
STOP IT!
STOP IT!
LET'S UNITE!
1077
00:39:07,946 --> 00:39:09,590
STOP IT!
LET'S UNITE!
LET'S NOT SQUABBLE AMONG
1078
00:39:09,614 --> 00:39:11,091
LET'S UNITE!
LET'S NOT SQUABBLE AMONG
OURSELVES!
1079
00:39:11,115 --> 00:39:12,927
LET'S NOT SQUABBLE AMONG
OURSELVES!
COME ON, UNITE!
1080
00:39:12,951 --> 00:39:14,929
OURSELVES!
COME ON, UNITE!
SQUAT, SQUAT, SQUAT!
1081
00:39:14,953 --> 00:39:17,765
COME ON, UNITE!
SQUAT, SQUAT, SQUAT!
[ALL CHANTING "SQUAT!"]
1082
00:39:17,789 --> 00:39:19,767
SQUAT, SQUAT, SQUAT!
[ALL CHANTING "SQUAT!"]
Announcer: THE SQUATTERS WON
1083
00:39:19,791 --> 00:39:20,768
[ALL CHANTING "SQUAT!"]
Announcer: THE SQUATTERS WON
THEIR FIGHT.
1084
00:39:20,792 --> 00:39:22,837
Announcer: THE SQUATTERS WON
THEIR FIGHT.
AND IN 1841, CONGRESS PASSED THE
1085
00:39:22,861 --> 00:39:24,672
THEIR FIGHT.
AND IN 1841, CONGRESS PASSED THE
PREEMPTION ACT, GUARANTEEING
1086
00:39:24,696 --> 00:39:26,708
AND IN 1841, CONGRESS PASSED THE
PREEMPTION ACT, GUARANTEEING
SQUATTERS THE FIRST RIGHT TO BUY
1087
00:39:26,732 --> 00:39:28,776
PREEMPTION ACT, GUARANTEEING
SQUATTERS THE FIRST RIGHT TO BUY
THE LAND ON WHICH THEY SQUATTED.
1088
00:39:28,800 --> 00:39:33,113
SQUATTERS THE FIRST RIGHT TO BUY
THE LAND ON WHICH THEY SQUATTED.
AND TODAY, DESCENDENTS OF THE
1089
00:39:33,137 --> 00:39:35,282
THE LAND ON WHICH THEY SQUATTED.
AND TODAY, DESCENDENTS OF THE
ORIGINAL SQUATTERS FLOURISH IN
1090
00:39:35,306 --> 00:39:36,617
AND TODAY, DESCENDENTS OF THE
ORIGINAL SQUATTERS FLOURISH IN
THE MODERN COMMUNITY OF
1091
00:39:36,641 --> 00:39:41,244
ORIGINAL SQUATTERS FLOURISH IN
THE MODERN COMMUNITY OF
SQUATTERS HEIGHTS, KANSAS.
1092
00:39:41,512 --> 00:39:44,213
AND THAT IS THE STORY OF THE
1093
00:39:44,348 --> 00:39:47,384
SQUATTERS, AMERICANS WHO DID NOT
1094
00:39:47,518 --> 00:39:49,386
STOOP TO CONQUER.
1095
00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:51,320
[APPLAUSE]
1096
00:40:01,098 --> 00:40:05,613
UH, SHERRY, CAN YOU...
CAN YOU COME IN, PLEASE?
AND, UH, BRING YOUR...
1097
00:40:05,637 --> 00:40:10,117
CAN YOU COME IN, PLEASE?
AND, UH, BRING YOUR...
BRING YOUR PAD WITH YOU.
1098
00:40:10,141 --> 00:40:11,452
AND, UH, BRING YOUR...
BRING YOUR PAD WITH YOU.
HI, MR. ROSS.
1099
00:40:11,476 --> 00:40:13,320
BRING YOUR PAD WITH YOU.
HI, MR. ROSS.
JUST LOOK AT THIS BOSS PEN I GOT
1100
00:40:13,344 --> 00:40:14,955
HI, MR. ROSS.
JUST LOOK AT THIS BOSS PEN I GOT
FROM A DEAF-AND-DUMB PERSON
1101
00:40:14,979 --> 00:40:16,791
JUST LOOK AT THIS BOSS PEN I GOT
FROM A DEAF-AND-DUMB PERSON
WHO CAME TO THE RECEPTION DESK.
1102
00:40:16,815 --> 00:40:19,794
FROM A DEAF-AND-DUMB PERSON
WHO CAME TO THE RECEPTION DESK.
IT ONLY COST ME $6.
1103
00:40:19,818 --> 00:40:21,429
WHO CAME TO THE RECEPTION DESK.
IT ONLY COST ME $6.
YOU KNOW, THAT SEEMED LIKE A LOT
1104
00:40:21,453 --> 00:40:22,797
IT ONLY COST ME $6.
YOU KNOW, THAT SEEMED LIKE A LOT
OF MONEY FOR A PEN, BUT HE
1105
00:40:22,821 --> 00:40:26,133
YOU KNOW, THAT SEEMED LIKE A LOT
OF MONEY FOR A PEN, BUT HE
TALKED ME INTO IT.
1106
00:40:26,157 --> 00:40:27,502
OF MONEY FOR A PEN, BUT HE
TALKED ME INTO IT.
WELL, UH, SHERRY, WILL YOU...
1107
00:40:27,526 --> 00:40:28,803
TALKED ME INTO IT.
WELL, UH, SHERRY, WILL YOU...
WILL YOU TAKE A LETTER, PLEASE?
1108
00:40:28,827 --> 00:40:30,137
WELL, UH, SHERRY, WILL YOU...
WILL YOU TAKE A LETTER, PLEASE?
FOR SURE.
1109
00:40:30,161 --> 00:40:32,973
WILL YOU TAKE A LETTER, PLEASE?
FOR SURE.
UH, TO, UH...
1110
00:40:32,997 --> 00:40:36,310
FOR SURE.
UH, TO, UH...
TO WHOM...
1111
00:40:36,334 --> 00:40:37,645
UH, TO, UH...
TO WHOM...
TO WHOM IT MAY...
1112
00:40:37,669 --> 00:40:38,813
TO WHOM...
TO WHOM IT MAY...
WAIT A SECOND.
1113
00:40:38,837 --> 00:40:40,815
TO WHOM IT MAY...
WAIT A SECOND.
THIS PEN DOESN'T WORK.
1114
00:40:40,839 --> 00:40:42,216
WAIT A SECOND.
THIS PEN DOESN'T WORK.
GUY, MY FRIEND TOLD ME YOU CAN
1115
00:40:42,240 --> 00:40:43,584
THIS PEN DOESN'T WORK.
GUY, MY FRIEND TOLD ME YOU CAN
GET IT TO WORK IF YOU SHAKE IT
1116
00:40:43,608 --> 00:40:44,184
GUY, MY FRIEND TOLD ME YOU CAN
GET IT TO WORK IF YOU SHAKE IT
LIKE THIS.
1117
00:40:44,208 --> 00:40:45,620
GET IT TO WORK IF YOU SHAKE IT
LIKE THIS.
SHE SAID IT HAD SOMETHING TO DO
1118
00:40:45,644 --> 00:40:46,320
LIKE THIS.
SHE SAID IT HAD SOMETHING TO DO
WITH KOHOUTEK.
1119
00:40:46,344 --> 00:40:47,488
SHE SAID IT HAD SOMETHING TO DO
WITH KOHOUTEK.
OH, IT'S WORKING NOW.
1120
00:40:47,512 --> 00:40:48,489
WITH KOHOUTEK.
OH, IT'S WORKING NOW.
OKAY, DEAR.
1121
00:40:48,513 --> 00:40:50,825
OH, IT'S WORKING NOW.
OKAY, DEAR.
UH, TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN,
1122
00:40:50,849 --> 00:40:52,660
OKAY, DEAR.
UH, TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN,
MY, UH, BUSINESS HAS GONE
1123
00:40:52,684 --> 00:40:53,160
UH, TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN,
MY, UH, BUSINESS HAS GONE
BANKRUPT.
1124
00:40:53,184 --> 00:40:54,328
MY, UH, BUSINESS HAS GONE
BANKRUPT.
FRAN HAS LEFT ME.
1125
00:40:54,352 --> 00:40:56,330
BANKRUPT.
FRAN HAS LEFT ME.
I HAVE NOTHING TO LIVE FOR.
1126
00:40:56,354 --> 00:40:57,998
FRAN HAS LEFT ME.
I HAVE NOTHING TO LIVE FOR.
SO GOODBYE FOREVER.
1127
00:40:58,022 --> 00:40:59,333
I HAVE NOTHING TO LIVE FOR.
SO GOODBYE FOREVER.
OKAY, DO YOU WANT ME TO READ
1128
00:40:59,357 --> 00:41:02,002
SO GOODBYE FOREVER.
OKAY, DO YOU WANT ME TO READ
THAT BACK TO YOU, MR. ROSS?
1129
00:41:02,026 --> 00:41:03,337
OKAY, DO YOU WANT ME TO READ
THAT BACK TO YOU, MR. ROSS?
YEAH, OKAY.
1130
00:41:03,361 --> 00:41:05,172
THAT BACK TO YOU, MR. ROSS?
YEAH, OKAY.
OKAY, "TO WHOM IT MAY
1131
00:41:05,196 --> 00:41:07,174
YEAH, OKAY.
OKAY, "TO WHOM IT MAY
CONCERN, MY BUSINESS IS
1132
00:41:07,198 --> 00:41:07,842
OKAY, "TO WHOM IT MAY
CONCERN, MY BUSINESS IS
BANKRUPT.
1133
00:41:07,866 --> 00:41:09,176
CONCERN, MY BUSINESS IS
BANKRUPT.
FRAN HAS LEFT ME.
1134
00:41:09,200 --> 00:41:10,511
BANKRUPT.
FRAN HAS LEFT ME.
SO GOODBYE FOREVER."
1135
00:41:10,535 --> 00:41:12,346
FRAN HAS LEFT ME.
SO GOODBYE FOREVER."
OH, UH, MAKE THAT, "GOODBYE
1136
00:41:12,370 --> 00:41:13,681
SO GOODBYE FOREVER."
OH, UH, MAKE THAT, "GOODBYE
FOREVER, GOODBYE."
1137
00:41:13,705 --> 00:41:16,183
OH, UH, MAKE THAT, "GOODBYE
FOREVER, GOODBYE."
"GOODBYE FOREVER, GOODBYE."
1138
00:41:16,207 --> 00:41:17,452
FOREVER, GOODBYE."
"GOODBYE FOREVER, GOODBYE."
RIGHT, NOW, WOULD YOU SEND
1139
00:41:17,476 --> 00:41:18,619
"GOODBYE FOREVER, GOODBYE."
RIGHT, NOW, WOULD YOU SEND
OUT SOME COPIES TO MY, UH,
1140
00:41:18,643 --> 00:41:19,954
RIGHT, NOW, WOULD YOU SEND
OUT SOME COPIES TO MY, UH,
ATTORNEY, MY ACCOUNTANT, AND TO
1141
00:41:19,978 --> 00:41:21,322
OUT SOME COPIES TO MY, UH,
ATTORNEY, MY ACCOUNTANT, AND TO
THE MORGAN TRUST COMPANY, WHO IS
1142
00:41:21,346 --> 00:41:22,356
ATTORNEY, MY ACCOUNTANT, AND TO
THE MORGAN TRUST COMPANY, WHO IS
IN CHARGE OF MY ESTATE?
1143
00:41:22,380 --> 00:41:23,524
THE MORGAN TRUST COMPANY, WHO IS
IN CHARGE OF MY ESTATE?
AND, BY THE WAY, WOULD YOU
1144
00:41:23,548 --> 00:41:25,693
IN CHARGE OF MY ESTATE?
AND, BY THE WAY, WOULD YOU
PLEASE CANCEL MY 3:00
1145
00:41:25,717 --> 00:41:27,194
AND, BY THE WAY, WOULD YOU
PLEASE CANCEL MY 3:00
APPOINTMENT WITH BARRY SPATS?
1146
00:41:27,218 --> 00:41:27,862
PLEASE CANCEL MY 3:00
APPOINTMENT WITH BARRY SPATS?
ALL RIGHT?
1147
00:41:27,886 --> 00:41:30,197
APPOINTMENT WITH BARRY SPATS?
ALL RIGHT?
MR. ROSS, I THINK I KNOW WHAT
1148
00:41:30,221 --> 00:41:31,198
ALL RIGHT?
MR. ROSS, I THINK I KNOW WHAT
YOU NEED.
1149
00:41:31,222 --> 00:41:33,868
MR. ROSS, I THINK I KNOW WHAT
YOU NEED.
A NICE HOT CUP OF FRESH COFFEE.
1150
00:41:33,892 --> 00:41:35,536
YOU NEED.
A NICE HOT CUP OF FRESH COFFEE.
UH, NO, DEAR, I'M GONNA KILL
1151
00:41:35,560 --> 00:41:36,537
A NICE HOT CUP OF FRESH COFFEE.
UH, NO, DEAR, I'M GONNA KILL
MYSELF, SEE?
1152
00:41:36,561 --> 00:41:38,372
UH, NO, DEAR, I'M GONNA KILL
MYSELF, SEE?
OH, WELL, CAN I GET ONE?
1153
00:41:38,396 --> 00:41:40,207
MYSELF, SEE?
OH, WELL, CAN I GET ONE?
SURE, YEAH, OKAY.
1154
00:41:40,231 --> 00:41:43,544
OH, WELL, CAN I GET ONE?
SURE, YEAH, OKAY.
[CLEARS THROAT]
1155
00:41:43,568 --> 00:41:46,213
SURE, YEAH, OKAY.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[DOOR CLOSES, HORN HONKS]
1156
00:41:46,237 --> 00:41:48,170
[CLEARS THROAT]
[DOOR CLOSES, HORN HONKS]
[SIGHS]
1157
00:42:00,217 --> 00:42:05,232
MR. ROSS?
MR. ROSS?!
WHAT IS IT, DEAR?
1158
00:42:05,256 --> 00:42:07,067
MR. ROSS?!
WHAT IS IT, DEAR?
LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE
1159
00:42:07,091 --> 00:42:09,236
WHAT IS IT, DEAR?
LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE
SUPER-PREOCCUPIED AND
1160
00:42:09,260 --> 00:42:10,872
LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE
SUPER-PREOCCUPIED AND
EVERYTHING, BUT, LIKE, I'D
1161
00:42:10,896 --> 00:42:12,773
SUPER-PREOCCUPIED AND
EVERYTHING, BUT, LIKE, I'D
REALLY LIKE THE REST OF THE DAY
1162
00:42:12,797 --> 00:42:13,240
EVERYTHING, BUT, LIKE, I'D
REALLY LIKE THE REST OF THE DAY
OFF.
1163
00:42:13,264 --> 00:42:15,242
REALLY LIKE THE REST OF THE DAY
OFF.
YOU SEE, MY BOYFRIEND, BRAD, IS
1164
00:42:15,266 --> 00:42:17,144
OFF.
YOU SEE, MY BOYFRIEND, BRAD, IS
FLYING IN FROM L.A., AND HE'S
1165
00:42:17,168 --> 00:42:18,913
YOU SEE, MY BOYFRIEND, BRAD, IS
FLYING IN FROM L.A., AND HE'S
REALLY, REALLY PISSED AT ME
1166
00:42:18,937 --> 00:42:20,447
FLYING IN FROM L.A., AND HE'S
REALLY, REALLY PISSED AT ME
'CAUSE HE FOUND OUT THAT I WENT
1167
00:42:20,471 --> 00:42:21,749
REALLY, REALLY PISSED AT ME
'CAUSE HE FOUND OUT THAT I WENT
TO THE EAGLES CONCERT WITH
1168
00:42:21,773 --> 00:42:24,084
'CAUSE HE FOUND OUT THAT I WENT
TO THE EAGLES CONCERT WITH
THIS GUY GREG, WHO'S REALLY GAY,
1169
00:42:24,108 --> 00:42:26,420
TO THE EAGLES CONCERT WITH
THIS GUY GREG, WHO'S REALLY GAY,
BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER TO BRAD.
1170
00:42:26,444 --> 00:42:28,088
THIS GUY GREG, WHO'S REALLY GAY,
BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER TO BRAD.
AND, LIKE, I TOLD HIM THAT I
1171
00:42:28,112 --> 00:42:29,924
BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER TO BRAD.
AND, LIKE, I TOLD HIM THAT I
REALLY NEED SOME SPACE AND THAT
1172
00:42:29,948 --> 00:42:31,091
AND, LIKE, I TOLD HIM THAT I
REALLY NEED SOME SPACE AND THAT
HE DOESN'T OWN ME.
1173
00:42:31,115 --> 00:42:32,426
REALLY NEED SOME SPACE AND THAT
HE DOESN'T OWN ME.
DON'T YOU AGREE, MR. ROSS?
1174
00:42:32,450 --> 00:42:33,828
HE DOESN'T OWN ME.
DON'T YOU AGREE, MR. ROSS?
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE,
1175
00:42:33,852 --> 00:42:34,294
DON'T YOU AGREE, MR. ROSS?
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE,
HONEY.
1176
00:42:34,318 --> 00:42:35,429
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE,
HONEY.
I'M SORRY, I'M GOING!
1177
00:42:35,453 --> 00:42:37,097
HONEY.
I'M SORRY, I'M GOING!
OH, MR. ROSS, DON'T JUMP!
1178
00:42:37,121 --> 00:42:42,102
I'M SORRY, I'M GOING!
OH, MR. ROSS, DON'T JUMP!
[SCREAMING]
1179
00:42:42,126 --> 00:42:44,104
OH, MR. ROSS, DON'T JUMP!
[SCREAMING]
GREAT LEAP, JACK.
1180
00:42:44,128 --> 00:42:46,440
[SCREAMING]
GREAT LEAP, JACK.
UH, WHAT HAPPENED?
1181
00:42:46,464 --> 00:42:47,775
GREAT LEAP, JACK.
UH, WHAT HAPPENED?
WELL, THAT WAS A REAL
1182
00:42:47,799 --> 00:42:48,576
UH, WHAT HAPPENED?
WELL, THAT WAS A REAL
CONVINCING JUMP.
1183
00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:49,911
WELL, THAT WAS A REAL
CONVINCING JUMP.
I MEAN, THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE
1184
00:42:49,935 --> 00:42:50,978
CONVINCING JUMP.
I MEAN, THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE
A SKYSCRAPER, YOU KNOW.
1185
00:42:51,002 --> 00:42:52,346
I MEAN, THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE
A SKYSCRAPER, YOU KNOW.
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HIGH ABOVE
1186
00:42:52,370 --> 00:42:53,447
A SKYSCRAPER, YOU KNOW.
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HIGH ABOVE
THE GROUND, AND YOU WERE
1187
00:42:53,471 --> 00:42:54,281
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HIGH ABOVE
THE GROUND, AND YOU WERE
SUPPOSED TO DUCK.
1188
00:42:54,305 --> 00:42:55,282
THE GROUND, AND YOU WERE
SUPPOSED TO DUCK.
WELL, WHY DIDN'T SOMEBODY
1189
00:42:55,306 --> 00:42:55,683
SUPPOSED TO DUCK.
WELL, WHY DIDN'T SOMEBODY
TELL ME?
1190
00:42:55,707 --> 00:42:56,383
WELL, WHY DIDN'T SOMEBODY
TELL ME?
I READ THE SCRIPT.
1191
00:42:56,407 --> 00:42:57,051
TELL ME?
I READ THE SCRIPT.
IT JUST SAID JUMP.
1192
00:42:57,075 --> 00:42:58,052
I READ THE SCRIPT.
IT JUST SAID JUMP.
IT DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT
1193
00:42:58,076 --> 00:42:58,452
IT JUST SAID JUMP.
IT DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT
DUCKING.
1194
00:42:58,476 --> 00:42:59,954
IT DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT
DUCKING.
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT, YOU KNOW,
1195
00:42:59,978 --> 00:43:00,955
DUCKING.
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT, YOU KNOW,
UH, LARAINE.
1196
00:43:00,979 --> 00:43:02,456
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT, YOU KNOW,
UH, LARAINE.
HI, HOW DO YOU DO?
1197
00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:03,457
UH, LARAINE.
HI, HOW DO YOU DO?
I'M BARRY SPATS.
1198
00:43:03,481 --> 00:43:04,792
HI, HOW DO YOU DO?
I'M BARRY SPATS.
I BELIEVE I HAVE A 3:00
1199
00:43:04,816 --> 00:43:06,293
I'M BARRY SPATS.
I BELIEVE I HAVE A 3:00
APPOINTMENT WITH MR. ROSS.
1200
00:43:06,317 --> 00:43:09,129
I BELIEVE I HAVE A 3:00
APPOINTMENT WITH MR. ROSS.
JOHN, SKIP THE LINES.
1201
00:43:09,153 --> 00:43:11,799
APPOINTMENT WITH MR. ROSS.
JOHN, SKIP THE LINES.
JACK FORGOT TO JUMP... UH, DUCK.
1202
00:43:11,823 --> 00:43:12,967
JOHN, SKIP THE LINES.
JACK FORGOT TO JUMP... UH, DUCK.
GREAT, JACK!
1203
00:43:12,991 --> 00:43:13,968
JACK FORGOT TO JUMP... UH, DUCK.
GREAT, JACK!
NICE GOING!
1204
00:43:13,992 --> 00:43:15,135
GREAT, JACK!
NICE GOING!
I HAD A BIG SPEECH I WAS
1205
00:43:15,159 --> 00:43:16,303
NICE GOING!
I HAD A BIG SPEECH I WAS
SUPPOSED TO DO HERE, JACK!
1206
00:43:16,327 --> 00:43:17,304
I HAD A BIG SPEECH I WAS
SUPPOSED TO DO HERE, JACK!
[SIREN WAILING]
1207
00:43:17,328 --> 00:43:18,639
SUPPOSED TO DO HERE, JACK!
[SIREN WAILING]
HEY, HEAR THOSE SIRENS?
1208
00:43:18,663 --> 00:43:19,674
[SIREN WAILING]
HEY, HEAR THOSE SIRENS?
THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE THE
1209
00:43:19,698 --> 00:43:20,875
HEY, HEAR THOSE SIRENS?
THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE THE
AMBULANCE THAT ARRIVES TOO LATE
1210
00:43:20,899 --> 00:43:21,475
THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE THE
AMBULANCE THAT ARRIVES TOO LATE
TO SAVE YOU.
1211
00:43:21,499 --> 00:43:22,710
AMBULANCE THAT ARRIVES TOO LATE
TO SAVE YOU.
WELL, COULDN'T WE DO IT OVER?
1212
00:43:22,734 --> 00:43:23,978
TO SAVE YOU.
WELL, COULDN'T WE DO IT OVER?
I'M WILLING TO DO IT OVER AGAIN.
1213
00:43:24,002 --> 00:43:25,379
WELL, COULDN'T WE DO IT OVER?
I'M WILLING TO DO IT OVER AGAIN.
HEY, A WITNESS SAID THAT THEY
1214
00:43:25,403 --> 00:43:26,513
I'M WILLING TO DO IT OVER AGAIN.
HEY, A WITNESS SAID THAT THEY
SAW A MAN JUMP OUT OF THIS
1215
00:43:26,537 --> 00:43:26,981
HEY, A WITNESS SAID THAT THEY
SAW A MAN JUMP OUT OF THIS
WINDOW.
1216
00:43:27,005 --> 00:43:28,382
SAW A MAN JUMP OUT OF THIS
WINDOW.
YEAH, CAN YOU IDENTIFY HIM
1217
00:43:28,406 --> 00:43:28,916
WINDOW.
YEAH, CAN YOU IDENTIFY HIM
FOR US?
1218
00:43:28,940 --> 00:43:30,150
YEAH, CAN YOU IDENTIFY HIM
FOR US?
WHAT'S THE VICTIM'S NAME?
1219
00:43:30,174 --> 00:43:32,152
FOR US?
WHAT'S THE VICTIM'S NAME?
DROP IT, GUYS.
1220
00:43:32,176 --> 00:43:33,153
WHAT'S THE VICTIM'S NAME?
DROP IT, GUYS.
HUH?
1221
00:43:33,177 --> 00:43:34,822
DROP IT, GUYS.
HUH?
HI, GARRETT, BILL.
1222
00:43:34,846 --> 00:43:35,656
HUH?
HI, GARRETT, BILL.
NICE WORK, JACK.
1223
00:43:35,680 --> 00:43:36,757
HI, GARRETT, BILL.
NICE WORK, JACK.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING
1224
00:43:36,781 --> 00:43:37,324
NICE WORK, JACK.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING
STANDING UP?
1225
00:43:37,348 --> 00:43:38,492
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING
STANDING UP?
OKAY, HOLD IT, EVERYBODY.
1226
00:43:38,516 --> 00:43:39,827
STANDING UP?
OKAY, HOLD IT, EVERYBODY.
TOM SUSSMAN, DAILY NEWS.
1227
00:43:39,851 --> 00:43:41,161
OKAY, HOLD IT, EVERYBODY.
TOM SUSSMAN, DAILY NEWS.
GET PICTURES OF EVERYTHING,
1228
00:43:41,185 --> 00:43:41,662
TOM SUSSMAN, DAILY NEWS.
GET PICTURES OF EVERYTHING,
LOIS.
1229
00:43:41,686 --> 00:43:42,830
GET PICTURES OF EVERYTHING,
LOIS.
THIS IS GONNA BE A GREAT STORY.
1230
00:43:42,854 --> 00:43:44,098
LOIS.
THIS IS GONNA BE A GREAT STORY.
"WEALTHY EXEC GETS DEPRESSED.
1231
00:43:44,122 --> 00:43:44,865
THIS IS GONNA BE A GREAT STORY.
"WEALTHY EXEC GETS DEPRESSED.
WIFE LEAVES HIM.
1232
00:43:44,889 --> 00:43:45,833
"WEALTHY EXEC GETS DEPRESSED.
WIFE LEAVES HIM.
HE TAKES THE PLUNGE."
1233
00:43:45,857 --> 00:43:46,834
WIFE LEAVES HIM.
HE TAKES THE PLUNGE."
DAN, JANE.
1234
00:43:46,858 --> 00:43:47,835
HE TAKES THE PLUNGE."
DAN, JANE.
OH.
1235
00:43:47,859 --> 00:43:49,169
DAN, JANE.
OH.
I SORT OF FEEL RESPONSIBLE
1236
00:43:49,193 --> 00:43:50,170
OH.
I SORT OF FEEL RESPONSIBLE
FOR THIS, DAN.
1237
00:43:50,194 --> 00:43:56,844
I SORT OF FEEL RESPONSIBLE
FOR THIS, DAN.
[SCREAMING]
1238
00:43:56,868 --> 00:43:58,679
FOR THIS, DAN.
[SCREAMING]
I JUST SAW HIM LYING ON THE
1239
00:43:58,703 --> 00:44:01,015
[SCREAMING]
I JUST SAW HIM LYING ON THE
SIDEWALK!
1240
00:44:01,039 --> 00:44:02,349
I JUST SAW HIM LYING ON THE
SIDEWALK!
OH, MY GOD!
1241
00:44:02,373 --> 00:44:04,018
SIDEWALK!
OH, MY GOD!
I WAS HIS MISTRESS!
1242
00:44:04,042 --> 00:44:05,686
OH, MY GOD!
I WAS HIS MISTRESS!
WE MET ON A WEEKEND IN TAHITI
1243
00:44:05,710 --> 00:44:07,021
I WAS HIS MISTRESS!
WE MET ON A WEEKEND IN TAHITI
AT CLUB MED!
1244
00:44:07,045 --> 00:44:08,355
WE MET ON A WEEKEND IN TAHITI
AT CLUB MED!
IT WAS BEAUTIFUL, AND WE WERE
1245
00:44:08,379 --> 00:44:09,690
AT CLUB MED!
IT WAS BEAUTIFUL, AND WE WERE
GONNA WORK IT OUT!
1246
00:44:09,714 --> 00:44:11,859
IT WAS BEAUTIFUL, AND WE WERE
GONNA WORK IT OUT!
BUT I CAME TO TELL HIM IT WAS
1247
00:44:11,883 --> 00:44:12,526
GONNA WORK IT OUT!
BUT I CAME TO TELL HIM IT WAS
OVER!
1248
00:44:12,550 --> 00:44:13,694
BUT I CAME TO TELL HIM IT WAS
OVER!
I FEEL TERRIBLE!
1249
00:44:13,718 --> 00:44:15,029
OVER!
I FEEL TERRIBLE!
YOU FEEL TERRIBLE?
1250
00:44:15,053 --> 00:44:16,130
I FEEL TERRIBLE!
YOU FEEL TERRIBLE?
HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL?
1251
00:44:16,154 --> 00:44:17,531
YOU FEEL TERRIBLE?
HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL?
I MISS OUT ON A CHANCE OF GIVING
1252
00:44:17,555 --> 00:44:19,366
HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL?
I MISS OUT ON A CHANCE OF GIVING
MY BIG SPEECH.
1253
00:44:19,390 --> 00:44:19,967
I MISS OUT ON A CHANCE OF GIVING
MY BIG SPEECH.
OH, GOD.
1254
00:44:19,991 --> 00:44:21,502
MY BIG SPEECH.
OH, GOD.
BECAUSE MR. IMPROV OVER HERE
1255
00:44:21,526 --> 00:44:22,870
OH, GOD.
BECAUSE MR. IMPROV OVER HERE
DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO DUCK!
1256
00:44:22,894 --> 00:44:23,871
BECAUSE MR. IMPROV OVER HERE
DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO DUCK!
ISN'T THAT RIGHT?!
1257
00:44:23,895 --> 00:44:24,639
DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO DUCK!
ISN'T THAT RIGHT?!
THAT'S RIGHT.
1258
00:44:24,663 --> 00:44:25,305
ISN'T THAT RIGHT?!
THAT'S RIGHT.
I DIDN'T KNOW.
1259
00:44:25,329 --> 00:44:26,373
THAT'S RIGHT.
I DIDN'T KNOW.
IT WASN'T IN THE SCRIPT.
1260
00:44:26,397 --> 00:44:27,708
I DIDN'T KNOW.
IT WASN'T IN THE SCRIPT.
HE WAS MY TROOP LEADER.
1261
00:44:27,732 --> 00:44:29,043
IT WASN'T IN THE SCRIPT.
HE WAS MY TROOP LEADER.
DOES THIS MEAN THE HIKE IS OFF?
1262
00:44:29,067 --> 00:44:30,711
HE WAS MY TROOP LEADER.
DOES THIS MEAN THE HIKE IS OFF?
OH, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
1263
00:44:30,735 --> 00:44:32,046
DOES THIS MEAN THE HIKE IS OFF?
OH, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
MR. REALISM OVER HERE.
1264
00:44:32,070 --> 00:44:33,547
OH, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
MR. REALISM OVER HERE.
YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN, JACK.
1265
00:44:33,571 --> 00:44:34,548
MR. REALISM OVER HERE.
YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN, JACK.
TAKE CARE.
1266
00:44:34,572 --> 00:44:42,572
YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN, JACK.
TAKE CARE.
SWEET WORKING WITH YOU, JACK.
1267
00:44:42,914 --> 00:44:44,558
TAKE CARE.
SWEET WORKING WITH YOU, JACK.
I... I FEEL KIND OF
1268
00:44:44,582 --> 00:44:45,893
SWEET WORKING WITH YOU, JACK.
I... I FEEL KIND OF
HUMILIATED, YOU KNOW, FOULING
1269
00:44:45,917 --> 00:44:47,061
I... I FEEL KIND OF
HUMILIATED, YOU KNOW, FOULING
THE SKETCH UP LIKE THIS.
1270
00:44:47,085 --> 00:44:48,228
HUMILIATED, YOU KNOW, FOULING
THE SKETCH UP LIKE THIS.
I DID TRY.
1271
00:44:48,252 --> 00:44:49,730
THE SKETCH UP LIKE THIS.
I DID TRY.
I'VE BEEN TRYING ALL WEEK.
1272
00:44:49,754 --> 00:44:51,532
I DID TRY.
I'VE BEEN TRYING ALL WEEK.
UH, I WAS TRYING TO GET IN SHAPE
1273
00:44:51,556 --> 00:44:53,233
I'VE BEEN TRYING ALL WEEK.
UH, I WAS TRYING TO GET IN SHAPE
FOR THE SHOW, MENTALLY AS WELL
1274
00:44:53,257 --> 00:44:54,234
UH, I WAS TRYING TO GET IN SHAPE
FOR THE SHOW, MENTALLY AS WELL
AS PHYSICALLY.
1275
00:44:54,258 --> 00:44:55,402
FOR THE SHOW, MENTALLY AS WELL
AS PHYSICALLY.
AND, UH...
1276
00:44:55,426 --> 00:44:56,837
AS PHYSICALLY.
AND, UH...
WELL, I REALLY WORKED OUT.
1277
00:44:56,861 --> 00:44:58,472
AND, UH...
WELL, I REALLY WORKED OUT.
IN FACT, I WAS SORT OF INSPIRED
1278
00:44:58,496 --> 00:45:00,074
WELL, I REALLY WORKED OUT.
IN FACT, I WAS SORT OF INSPIRED
BY THE, UH, MOVIE "ROCKY," UH,
1279
00:45:00,098 --> 00:45:01,542
IN FACT, I WAS SORT OF INSPIRED
BY THE, UH, MOVIE "ROCKY," UH,
AS THIS WEEK'S FILM BY GARY WEIS
1280
00:45:01,566 --> 00:45:02,309
BY THE, UH, MOVIE "ROCKY," UH,
AS THIS WEEK'S FILM BY GARY WEIS
WILL SHOW YOU.
1281
00:45:02,333 --> 00:45:03,610
AS THIS WEEK'S FILM BY GARY WEIS
WILL SHOW YOU.
YOU WANT TO ROLL THAT FILM,
1282
00:45:03,634 --> 00:45:04,011
WILL SHOW YOU.
YOU WANT TO ROLL THAT FILM,
DAVE?
1283
00:45:04,035 --> 00:45:05,245
YOU WANT TO ROLL THAT FILM,
DAVE?
MAYBE IT WILL SAVE MY ASS.
1284
00:45:05,269 --> 00:45:07,203
DAVE?
MAYBE IT WILL SAVE MY ASS.
[APPLAUSE]
1285
00:46:36,093 --> 00:46:42,609
[BILL CONTI'S "GONNA FLY NOW"
PLAYS]
♪ TRYING HARD NOW ♪
1286
00:46:42,633 --> 00:46:47,782
[PLAYS]
♪ TRYING HARD NOW ♪
♪ IT'S SO HARD NOW ♪
1287
00:46:47,806 --> 00:46:53,409
♪ TRYING HARD NOW ♪
♪ IT'S SO HARD NOW ♪
♪ TRYING HARD NOW ♪
1288
00:47:33,483 --> 00:47:41,483
♪ GETTING STRONG NOW ♪
♪ WON'T BE LONG NOW ♪
♪ GETTING STRONG NOW ♪
1289
00:47:50,034 --> 00:47:52,594
♪ WON'T BE LONG NOW ♪
♪ GETTING STRONG NOW ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
1290
00:48:05,682 --> 00:48:09,651
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER
THIS MESSAGE.
1291
00:48:17,427 --> 00:48:23,900
[DRUMS BEATING]
1292
00:48:24,167 --> 00:48:30,317
GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME TO
"ASK BIG DADDY."
TONIGHT, RANDOM CITIZENS OF
1293
00:48:30,341 --> 00:48:32,253
"ASK BIG DADDY."
TONIGHT, RANDOM CITIZENS OF
UGANDA WILL TALK TO THEIR OWN
1294
00:48:32,277 --> 00:48:33,854
TONIGHT, RANDOM CITIZENS OF
UGANDA WILL TALK TO THEIR OWN
PRESIDENT FOR LIFE, HIS
1295
00:48:33,878 --> 00:48:35,689
UGANDA WILL TALK TO THEIR OWN
PRESIDENT FOR LIFE, HIS
EXCELLENCY, IDI AMIN.
1296
00:48:35,713 --> 00:48:37,191
PRESIDENT FOR LIFE, HIS
EXCELLENCY, IDI AMIN.
THAT IS RIGHT, WALTER.
1297
00:48:37,215 --> 00:48:39,393
EXCELLENCY, IDI AMIN.
THAT IS RIGHT, WALTER.
TONIGHT, I WILL HAVE A PHONE
1298
00:48:39,417 --> 00:48:41,061
THAT IS RIGHT, WALTER.
TONIGHT, I WILL HAVE A PHONE
CALL, JUST LIKE YOUR
1299
00:48:41,085 --> 00:48:42,529
TONIGHT, I WILL HAVE A PHONE
CALL, JUST LIKE YOUR
PRESIDENT CARTER.
1300
00:48:42,553 --> 00:48:44,164
CALL, JUST LIKE YOUR
PRESIDENT CARTER.
HE AND I ARE VERY MUCH ALIKE,
1301
00:48:44,188 --> 00:48:45,933
PRESIDENT CARTER.
HE AND I ARE VERY MUCH ALIKE,
SOUL BROTHERS, AS YOU MIGHT SAY,
1302
00:48:45,957 --> 00:48:47,567
HE AND I ARE VERY MUCH ALIKE,
SOUL BROTHERS, AS YOU MIGHT SAY,
ALIKE, AND SOMEDAY, VERY GOOD
1303
00:48:47,591 --> 00:48:48,202
SOUL BROTHERS, AS YOU MIGHT SAY,
ALIKE, AND SOMEDAY, VERY GOOD
FRIENDS.
1304
00:48:48,226 --> 00:48:50,403
ALIKE, AND SOMEDAY, VERY GOOD
FRIENDS.
WELL, I'M SURE YOU'RE RIGHT.
1305
00:48:50,427 --> 00:48:51,961
REMEMBER, FOR THOSE WATCHING IN
1306
00:48:52,095 --> 00:48:53,629
UGANDA, THE NUMBER TO CALL IS
1307
00:48:53,763 --> 00:48:55,798
CROCODILE-41.
1308
00:48:55,933 --> 00:48:57,633
WELL, OUR FIRST CALLER IS ON THE
1309
00:48:57,767 --> 00:48:58,301
LINE.
1310
00:48:58,435 --> 00:49:00,069
HIS NAME IS ANU SHAPVY.
1311
00:49:00,337 --> 00:49:05,019
HE'S A 31-YEAR-OLD COFFEE WORKER
IN KAMPALA.
GO AHEAD, MR. SHAPVY.
1312
00:49:05,043 --> 00:49:06,020
IN KAMPALA.
GO AHEAD, MR. SHAPVY.
Hello?
1313
00:49:06,044 --> 00:49:08,022
GO AHEAD, MR. SHAPVY.
Hello?
HELLO, THIS IS BIG DADDY
1314
00:49:08,046 --> 00:49:08,522
Hello?
HELLO, THIS IS BIG DADDY
SPEAKING.
1315
00:49:08,546 --> 00:49:10,590
HELLO, THIS IS BIG DADDY
SPEAKING.
Yeah, I've got a question for
1316
00:49:10,614 --> 00:49:11,091
SPEAKING.
Yeah, I've got a question for
you.
1317
00:49:11,115 --> 00:49:12,893
Yeah, I've got a question for
you.
My brother is a Major under
1318
00:49:12,917 --> 00:49:14,328
you.
My brother is a Major under
General Nimba, and he
1319
00:49:14,352 --> 00:49:16,196
My brother is a Major under
General Nimba, and he
disappeared three weeks ago.
1320
00:49:16,220 --> 00:49:18,032
General Nimba, and he
disappeared three weeks ago.
Do you know what happened to
1321
00:49:18,056 --> 00:49:18,532
disappeared three weeks ago.
Do you know what happened to
him?
1322
00:49:18,556 --> 00:49:20,034
Do you know what happened to
him?
OH, YES, YES, HE DIED IN A
1323
00:49:20,058 --> 00:49:22,036
him?
OH, YES, YES, HE DIED IN A
CAR CRASH, YES.
1324
00:49:22,060 --> 00:49:23,537
OH, YES, YES, HE DIED IN A
CAR CRASH, YES.
THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM.
1325
00:49:23,561 --> 00:49:24,604
CAR CRASH, YES.
THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM.
Oh, okay, thank you.
1326
00:49:24,628 --> 00:49:26,040
THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM.
Oh, okay, thank you.
I think you're doing a wonderful
1327
00:49:26,064 --> 00:49:26,373
Oh, okay, thank you.
I think you're doing a wonderful
job.
1328
00:49:26,397 --> 00:49:27,541
I think you're doing a wonderful
job.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
1329
00:49:27,565 --> 00:49:28,542
Job.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
1330
00:49:28,566 --> 00:49:30,044
YOU'RE WELCOME.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
ALL RIGHT, YOUR WORSHIPNESS,
1331
00:49:30,068 --> 00:49:32,546
YOU'RE WELCOME.
ALL RIGHT, YOUR WORSHIPNESS,
OUR NEXT CALLER IS SAMBIRA NABU,
1332
00:49:32,570 --> 00:49:34,448
ALL RIGHT, YOUR WORSHIPNESS,
OUR NEXT CALLER IS SAMBIRA NABU,
A 17-YEAR-OLD GIRL FROM
1333
00:49:34,472 --> 00:49:35,382
OUR NEXT CALLER IS SAMBIRA NABU,
A 17-YEAR-OLD GIRL FROM
OCOROCCO.
1334
00:49:35,406 --> 00:49:36,550
A 17-YEAR-OLD GIRL FROM
OCOROCCO.
VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD.
1335
00:49:36,574 --> 00:49:38,385
OCOROCCO.
VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD.
YOUNG PEOPLE LOVE ME.
1336
00:49:38,409 --> 00:49:39,386
VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD.
YOUNG PEOPLE LOVE ME.
[LAUGHS]
1337
00:49:39,410 --> 00:49:42,389
YOUNG PEOPLE LOVE ME.
[LAUGHS]
HELLO, HELLO, LITTLE SAMBIRA.
1338
00:49:42,413 --> 00:49:46,560
[LAUGHS]
HELLO, HELLO, LITTLE SAMBIRA.
THIS IS BIG DADDY SPEAKING.
1339
00:49:46,584 --> 00:49:49,063
HELLO, HELLO, LITTLE SAMBIRA.
THIS IS BIG DADDY SPEAKING.
Yes, a week ago, your
1340
00:49:49,087 --> 00:49:51,398
THIS IS BIG DADDY SPEAKING.
Yes, a week ago, your
soldiers came and tied a bag
1341
00:49:51,422 --> 00:49:53,233
Yes, a week ago, your
soldiers came and tied a bag
over my father's head and beat
1342
00:49:53,257 --> 00:49:55,169
soldiers came and tied a bag
over my father's head and beat
him and threw him in the back of
1343
00:49:55,193 --> 00:49:56,236
over my father's head and beat
him and threw him in the back of
a police truck.
1344
00:49:56,260 --> 00:49:57,537
Him and threw him in the back of
a police truck.
Do you know what happened to
1345
00:49:57,561 --> 00:49:57,904
a police truck.
Do you know what happened to
him?
1346
00:49:57,928 --> 00:49:58,905
Do you know what happened to
him?
OH, I'M SORRY.
1347
00:49:58,929 --> 00:50:01,741
Him?
OH, I'M SORRY.
IT IS A VERY, VERY SAD THING.
1348
00:50:01,765 --> 00:50:04,078
OH, I'M SORRY.
IT IS A VERY, VERY SAD THING.
HE DIED IN A CAR CRASH, TOO.
1349
00:50:04,102 --> 00:50:05,079
IT IS A VERY, VERY SAD THING.
HE DIED IN A CAR CRASH, TOO.
YES.
1350
00:50:05,103 --> 00:50:06,646
HE DIED IN A CAR CRASH, TOO.
YES.
WELL, KEEP IN MIND THAT NONE
1351
00:50:06,670 --> 00:50:08,248
YES.
WELL, KEEP IN MIND THAT NONE
OF THESE CALLS ARE SCREENED AND
1352
00:50:08,272 --> 00:50:09,984
WELL, KEEP IN MIND THAT NONE
OF THESE CALLS ARE SCREENED AND
THAT PRESIDENT AMIN IS TALKING
1353
00:50:10,008 --> 00:50:11,585
OF THESE CALLS ARE SCREENED AND
THAT PRESIDENT AMIN IS TALKING
DIRECTLY TO HIS OWN PEOPLE.
1354
00:50:11,609 --> 00:50:13,253
THAT PRESIDENT AMIN IS TALKING
DIRECTLY TO HIS OWN PEOPLE.
THE NEXT PERSON ON THE LINE IS
1355
00:50:13,277 --> 00:50:14,588
DIRECTLY TO HIS OWN PEOPLE.
THE NEXT PERSON ON THE LINE IS
LAMBOBO BOBOLLO...
1356
00:50:14,612 --> 00:50:16,256
THE NEXT PERSON ON THE LINE IS
LAMBOBO BOBOLLO...
LAMBOBO BOBOLLO.
1357
00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:17,757
LAMBOBO BOBOLLO...
LAMBOBO BOBOLLO.
OUTSIDE OF KAMPALA.
1358
00:50:17,781 --> 00:50:20,094
LAMBOBO BOBOLLO.
OUTSIDE OF KAMPALA.
LAMBOBO BOBOLLO, YES.
1359
00:50:20,118 --> 00:50:21,428
OUTSIDE OF KAMPALA.
LAMBOBO BOBOLLO, YES.
Hello, President Amin.
1360
00:50:21,452 --> 00:50:22,429
LAMBOBO BOBOLLO, YES.
Hello, President Amin.
HELLO.
1361
00:50:22,453 --> 00:50:24,198
Hello, President Amin.
HELLO.
Yes, my aunt and uncle and
1362
00:50:24,222 --> 00:50:25,966
HELLO.
Yes, my aunt and uncle and
several old friends are still
1363
00:50:25,990 --> 00:50:27,701
Yes, my aunt and uncle and
several old friends are still
Christians, and they went to
1364
00:50:27,725 --> 00:50:29,569
several old friends are still
Christians, and they went to
church Sunday and have not come
1365
00:50:29,593 --> 00:50:30,104
Christians, and they went to
church Sunday and have not come
back.
1366
00:50:30,128 --> 00:50:31,838
Church Sunday and have not come
back.
Uh, I was just wondering where
1367
00:50:31,862 --> 00:50:32,772
back.
Uh, I was just wondering where
they might be.
1368
00:50:32,796 --> 00:50:34,774
Uh, I was just wondering where
they might be.
AH, IT WAS A VERY, VERY
1369
00:50:34,798 --> 00:50:36,276
they might be.
AH, IT WAS A VERY, VERY
UNFORTUNATE THING.
1370
00:50:36,300 --> 00:50:39,613
AH, IT WAS A VERY, VERY
UNFORTUNATE THING.
THEY DIED IN A BUS CRASH, OKAY?
1371
00:50:39,637 --> 00:50:40,614
UNFORTUNATE THING.
THEY DIED IN A BUS CRASH, OKAY?
Hey, no problem.
1372
00:50:40,638 --> 00:50:42,282
THEY DIED IN A BUS CRASH, OKAY?
Hey, no problem.
ALL RIGHT.
1373
00:50:42,306 --> 00:50:43,683
Hey, no problem.
ALL RIGHT.
On behalf of the Ugandan
1374
00:50:43,707 --> 00:50:45,152
ALL RIGHT.
On behalf of the Ugandan
peoples, thank you for being
1375
00:50:45,176 --> 00:50:45,619
On behalf of the Ugandan
peoples, thank you for being
ruler.
1376
00:50:45,643 --> 00:50:47,954
Peoples, thank you for being
ruler.
WELL, I DON'T MIND AT ALL.
1377
00:50:47,978 --> 00:50:49,990
Ruler.
WELL, I DON'T MIND AT ALL.
WELL, YOUR EXCELLENCY, OUR
1378
00:50:50,014 --> 00:50:51,858
WELL, I DON'T MIND AT ALL.
WELL, YOUR EXCELLENCY, OUR
TIME IS UP, AND BEFORE YOU
1379
00:50:51,882 --> 00:50:53,860
WELL, YOUR EXCELLENCY, OUR
TIME IS UP, AND BEFORE YOU
RELEASE ME, I'D LIKE TO JOIN
1380
00:50:53,884 --> 00:50:55,795
TIME IS UP, AND BEFORE YOU
RELEASE ME, I'D LIKE TO JOIN
THAT MAN AND INCLUDE MYSELF
1381
00:50:55,819 --> 00:50:57,464
RELEASE ME, I'D LIKE TO JOIN
THAT MAN AND INCLUDE MYSELF
AMONG YOUR MANY, MANY ADMIRERS.
1382
00:50:57,488 --> 00:50:58,465
THAT MAN AND INCLUDE MYSELF
AMONG YOUR MANY, MANY ADMIRERS.
THANK YOU, WALTER.
1383
00:50:58,489 --> 00:51:01,301
AMONG YOUR MANY, MANY ADMIRERS.
THANK YOU, WALTER.
YOU ARE THE BIG DADDY OF NEWS
1384
00:51:01,325 --> 00:51:01,968
THANK YOU, WALTER.
YOU ARE THE BIG DADDY OF NEWS
REPORTING.
1385
00:51:01,992 --> 00:51:04,304
YOU ARE THE BIG DADDY OF NEWS
REPORTING.
YES, OKAY, UH...
1386
00:51:04,328 --> 00:51:07,430
REPORTING.
YES, OKAY, UH...
THE TELEVISION SHOW, IT IS OVER.
1387
00:51:07,697 --> 00:51:09,498
[APPLAUSE]
1388
00:51:14,438 --> 00:51:19,075
NOW HERE'S THIS WEEK'S HOME
MOVIE.
1389
00:51:44,134 --> 00:51:49,271
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[GASPING]
1390
00:53:05,815 --> 00:53:07,616
[APPLAUSE]
1391
00:53:16,159 --> 00:53:24,010
AHH.
YOU KNOW, I LOVE FINE POETRY.
HELLO, I AM RICARDO MONTALBAN.
1392
00:53:24,034 --> 00:53:25,512
YOU KNOW, I LOVE FINE POETRY.
HELLO, I AM RICARDO MONTALBAN.
YOU KNOW ME FROM MANY OTHER
1393
00:53:25,536 --> 00:53:27,514
HELLO, I AM RICARDO MONTALBAN.
YOU KNOW ME FROM MANY OTHER
TELEVISION COMMERCIALS.
1394
00:53:27,538 --> 00:53:29,183
YOU KNOW ME FROM MANY OTHER
TELEVISION COMMERCIALS.
I WANT TO SHARE A VERY INTIMATE
1395
00:53:29,207 --> 00:53:30,517
TELEVISION COMMERCIALS.
I WANT TO SHARE A VERY INTIMATE
SECRET WITH YOU.
1396
00:53:30,541 --> 00:53:31,885
I WANT TO SHARE A VERY INTIMATE
SECRET WITH YOU.
I BELIEVE A MAN MUST KEEP IN
1397
00:53:31,909 --> 00:53:33,187
SECRET WITH YOU.
I BELIEVE A MAN MUST KEEP IN
TOUCH WITH HIS LOVED ONES.
1398
00:53:33,211 --> 00:53:34,854
I BELIEVE A MAN MUST KEEP IN
TOUCH WITH HIS LOVED ONES.
YET SOMETIMES, THE TELEPHONE IS
1399
00:53:34,878 --> 00:53:35,855
TOUCH WITH HIS LOVED ONES.
YET SOMETIMES, THE TELEPHONE IS
NOT CLOSE ENOUGH.
1400
00:53:35,879 --> 00:53:37,191
YET SOMETIMES, THE TELEPHONE IS
NOT CLOSE ENOUGH.
THAT'S WHY WHEN I HAVE SOMETHING
1401
00:53:37,215 --> 00:53:38,858
NOT CLOSE ENOUGH.
THAT'S WHY WHEN I HAVE SOMETHING
SPECIAL TO SAY TO SOMEONE
1402
00:53:38,882 --> 00:53:41,528
THAT'S WHY WHEN I HAVE SOMETHING
SPECIAL TO SAY TO SOMEONE
SPECIAL, I SAY IT WITH A
1403
00:53:41,552 --> 00:53:44,698
SPECIAL TO SAY TO SOMEONE
SPECIAL, I SAY IT WITH A
PANTYGRAM.
1404
00:53:44,722 --> 00:53:46,833
SPECIAL, I SAY IT WITH A
PANTYGRAM.
YES, UNITED CABLE AND LINGERIE
1405
00:53:46,857 --> 00:53:48,735
PANTYGRAM.
YES, UNITED CABLE AND LINGERIE
WILL DELIVER YOUR MESSAGE,
1406
00:53:48,759 --> 00:53:50,571
YES, UNITED CABLE AND LINGERIE
WILL DELIVER YOUR MESSAGE,
HAND-EMBROIDERED ON THESE
1407
00:53:50,595 --> 00:53:52,706
WILL DELIVER YOUR MESSAGE,
HAND-EMBROIDERED ON THESE
BEAUTIFUL CLING-RESISTANT 100%
1408
00:53:52,730 --> 00:53:54,040
HAND-EMBROIDERED ON THESE
BEAUTIFUL CLING-RESISTANT 100%
RAYON PANTIES.
1409
00:53:54,064 --> 00:53:55,442
BEAUTIFUL CLING-RESISTANT 100%
RAYON PANTIES.
NOW, WHATEVER THE OCCASION,
1410
00:53:55,466 --> 00:53:56,876
RAYON PANTIES.
NOW, WHATEVER THE OCCASION,
YOUR DEAR ONES CAN PUT THEIR
1411
00:53:56,900 --> 00:53:59,546
NOW, WHATEVER THE OCCASION,
YOUR DEAR ONES CAN PUT THEIR
LEGS THROUGH YOUR MESSAGE.
1412
00:53:59,570 --> 00:54:01,381
YOUR DEAR ONES CAN PUT THEIR
LEGS THROUGH YOUR MESSAGE.
LOOK AT THESE BEAUTIFUL
1413
00:54:01,405 --> 00:54:03,049
LEGS THROUGH YOUR MESSAGE.
LOOK AT THESE BEAUTIFUL
SENTIMENTS.
1414
00:54:03,073 --> 00:54:08,888
LOOK AT THESE BEAUTIFUL
SENTIMENTS.
"GOOD LUCK IN YOUR NEW JOB."
1415
00:54:08,912 --> 00:54:10,224
SENTIMENTS.
"GOOD LUCK IN YOUR NEW JOB."
"ARRIVING THURSDAY.
1416
00:54:10,248 --> 00:54:13,393
"GOOD LUCK IN YOUR NEW JOB."
"ARRIVING THURSDAY.
JFK, FLIGHT 303."
1417
00:54:13,417 --> 00:54:15,395
"ARRIVING THURSDAY.
JFK, FLIGHT 303."
AND...
1418
00:54:15,419 --> 00:54:19,065
JFK, FLIGHT 303."
AND...
"SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT."
1419
00:54:19,089 --> 00:54:21,067
AND...
"SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT."
WHAT BETTER WAY TO SHOW THAT YOU
1420
00:54:21,091 --> 00:54:26,406
"SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT."
WHAT BETTER WAY TO SHOW THAT YOU
CARE?
1421
00:54:26,430 --> 00:54:28,074
WHAT BETTER WAY TO SHOW THAT YOU
CARE?
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
1422
00:54:28,098 --> 00:54:32,412
CARE?
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
COMING.
1423
00:54:32,436 --> 00:54:34,414
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
COMING.
[DOORBELL BUZZING]
1424
00:54:34,438 --> 00:54:35,582
COMING.
[DOORBELL BUZZING]
COMING!
1425
00:54:35,606 --> 00:54:37,083
[DOORBELL BUZZING]
COMING!
[BUZZING CONTINUES]
1426
00:54:37,107 --> 00:54:40,086
COMING!
[BUZZING CONTINUES]
COMING!
1427
00:54:40,110 --> 00:54:41,421
[BUZZING CONTINUES]
COMING!
PANTYGRAM.
1428
00:54:41,445 --> 00:54:43,757
COMING!
PANTYGRAM.
OH, THANK YOU.
1429
00:54:43,781 --> 00:54:44,924
PANTYGRAM.
OH, THANK YOU.
OH, THANK YOU.
1430
00:54:44,948 --> 00:54:46,959
OH, THANK YOU.
OH, THANK YOU.
PANTYGRAM, PANTYGRAM.
1431
00:54:46,983 --> 00:54:50,686
"IT'S BENIGN.
1432
00:54:50,820 --> 00:54:52,354
DR. MILLER."
1433
00:54:52,489 --> 00:54:57,959
OH!
1434
00:54:58,227 --> 00:55:06,227
[DOORBELL RINGS]
YES, SIR.
PANTYGRAM, SIR.
1435
00:55:06,771 --> 00:55:08,081
YES, SIR.
PANTYGRAM, SIR.
OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
1436
00:55:08,105 --> 00:55:10,584
PANTYGRAM, SIR.
OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
HERE YOU ARE.
1437
00:55:10,608 --> 00:55:12,753
OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
HERE YOU ARE.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO A TERRIFIC
1438
00:55:12,777 --> 00:55:15,756
HERE YOU ARE.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO A TERRIFIC
SON-IN-LAW."
1439
00:55:15,780 --> 00:55:16,657
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO A TERRIFIC
SON-IN-LAW."
PANTYGRAMS.
1440
00:55:16,681 --> 00:55:18,258
SON-IN-LAW."
PANTYGRAMS.
WHETHER IT'S INFORMATION YOU
1441
00:55:18,282 --> 00:55:19,859
PANTYGRAMS.
WHETHER IT'S INFORMATION YOU
WANT TO COMMUNICATE OR JUST A
1442
00:55:19,883 --> 00:55:21,595
WHETHER IT'S INFORMATION YOU
WANT TO COMMUNICATE OR JUST A
VERY SPECIAL OCCASION YOU WANT
1443
00:55:21,619 --> 00:55:25,265
WANT TO COMMUNICATE OR JUST A
VERY SPECIAL OCCASION YOU WANT
TO REMEMBER.
1444
00:55:25,289 --> 00:55:26,767
VERY SPECIAL OCCASION YOU WANT
TO REMEMBER.
HELLO, MOM.
1445
00:55:26,791 --> 00:55:28,268
TO REMEMBER.
HELLO, MOM.
YEAH, YOU'RE ALONE?
1446
00:55:28,292 --> 00:55:29,603
HELLO, MOM.
YEAH, YOU'RE ALONE?
NO, NO, NO, NO.
1447
00:55:29,627 --> 00:55:30,937
YEAH, YOU'RE ALONE?
NO, NO, NO, NO.
I'LL CALL YOU BACK LATER.
1448
00:55:30,961 --> 00:55:33,774
NO, NO, NO, NO.
I'LL CALL YOU BACK LATER.
THANKS, THOUGH, HUH?
1449
00:55:33,798 --> 00:55:38,612
I'LL CALL YOU BACK LATER.
THANKS, THOUGH, HUH?
YES, TRULY, A PANTYGRAM...
1450
00:55:38,636 --> 00:55:40,447
THANKS, THOUGH, HUH?
YES, TRULY, A PANTYGRAM...
A PANTYGRAM IS THE MESSAGE THAT
1451
00:55:40,471 --> 00:55:41,448
YES, TRULY, A PANTYGRAM...
A PANTYGRAM IS THE MESSAGE THAT
YOU CAN WEAR.
1452
00:55:41,472 --> 00:55:44,117
A PANTYGRAM IS THE MESSAGE THAT
YOU CAN WEAR.
[DOORBELL BUZZING]
1453
00:55:44,141 --> 00:55:45,619
YOU CAN WEAR.
[DOORBELL BUZZING]
COMING!
1454
00:55:45,643 --> 00:55:47,120
[DOORBELL BUZZING]
COMING!
[BUZZING CONTINUES]
1455
00:55:47,144 --> 00:55:51,124
COMING!
[BUZZING CONTINUES]
I'M COMING!
1456
00:55:51,148 --> 00:55:52,793
[BUZZING CONTINUES]
I'M COMING!
[BUZZING CONTINUES]
1457
00:55:52,817 --> 00:55:54,461
I'M COMING!
[BUZZING CONTINUES]
PANTYGRAM, MISS.
1458
00:55:54,485 --> 00:55:56,363
[BUZZING CONTINUES]
PANTYGRAM, MISS.
OH, COULD YOU PLEASE READ IT
1459
00:55:56,387 --> 00:55:56,963
PANTYGRAM, MISS.
OH, COULD YOU PLEASE READ IT
TO ME?
1460
00:55:56,987 --> 00:55:58,131
OH, COULD YOU PLEASE READ IT
TO ME?
CERTAINLY.
1461
00:55:58,155 --> 00:56:00,467
TO ME?
CERTAINLY.
IT SAYS, "YOUR SISTER ROSE IS
1462
00:56:00,491 --> 00:56:02,469
CERTAINLY.
IT SAYS, "YOUR SISTER ROSE IS
DEAD."
1463
00:56:02,493 --> 00:56:04,471
IT SAYS, "YOUR SISTER ROSE IS
DEAD."
OH, WELL, SHE WAS SUFFERING
1464
00:56:04,495 --> 00:56:05,305
DEAD."
OH, WELL, SHE WAS SUFFERING
ANYWAY.
1465
00:56:05,329 --> 00:56:06,672
OH, WELL, SHE WAS SUFFERING
ANYWAY.
THANK YOU.
1466
00:56:06,696 --> 00:56:08,564
YES, WHETHER IT'S A SAD
1467
00:56:08,698 --> 00:56:11,900
OCCASION OR A JOYOUS ONE, SAY
1468
00:56:12,034 --> 00:56:15,904
IT IN PANTYGRAMS.
1469
00:56:16,038 --> 00:56:17,740
PANTYGRAMS, FROM
1470
00:56:17,874 --> 00:56:20,242
UNITED CABLE AND LINGERIE.
1471
00:56:20,377 --> 00:56:23,412
NOW AVAILABLE IN NEW, WORN, AND
1472
00:56:23,546 --> 00:56:24,580
SOILED.
1473
00:56:24,714 --> 00:56:31,353
AHH.
1474
00:56:31,621 --> 00:56:35,969
Announcer: ONCE AGAIN,
SANTANA.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
1475
00:56:35,993 --> 00:56:37,971
SANTANA.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRO TO "EUROPA (EARTH'S CRY
1476
00:56:37,995 --> 00:56:40,955
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRO TO "EUROPA (EARTH'S CRY
HEAVEN'S SMILE)" PLAYS]
1477
01:00:33,830 --> 01:00:36,131
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
1478
01:00:43,172 --> 01:00:46,319
DO YOU THINK IT WAS A GOOD
SHOW?
I CAN NEVER TELL, 'CAUSE I
1479
01:00:46,343 --> 01:00:47,186
SHOW?
I CAN NEVER TELL, 'CAUSE I
DON'T WATCH IT.
1480
01:00:47,210 --> 01:00:47,988
I CAN NEVER TELL, 'CAUSE I
DON'T WATCH IT.
YEAH, I KNOW.
1481
01:00:48,012 --> 01:00:49,255
DON'T WATCH IT.
YEAH, I KNOW.
WE DON'T GET TO SEE IT 'CAUSE
1482
01:00:49,279 --> 01:00:50,356
YEAH, I KNOW.
WE DON'T GET TO SEE IT 'CAUSE
WE'RE RUNNING AROUND AND
1483
01:00:50,380 --> 01:00:50,857
WE DON'T GET TO SEE IT 'CAUSE
WE'RE RUNNING AROUND AND
EVERYTHING.
1484
01:00:50,881 --> 01:00:52,525
WE'RE RUNNING AROUND AND
EVERYTHING.
[Slurring] I WAS LOOKING
1485
01:00:52,549 --> 01:00:53,960
EVERYTHING.
[Slurring] I WAS LOOKING
FOR THE MEN'S ROOM.
1486
01:00:53,984 --> 01:00:55,194
[Slurring] I WAS LOOKING
FOR THE MEN'S ROOM.
I WAS LOOKING...
1487
01:00:55,218 --> 01:00:57,030
FOR THE MEN'S ROOM.
I WAS LOOKING...
WAIT A MINUTE.
1488
01:00:57,054 --> 01:00:58,698
I WAS LOOKING...
WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
1489
01:00:58,722 --> 01:00:59,799
WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT... I KNOW YOU KIDS.
1490
01:00:59,823 --> 01:01:00,433
WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT... I KNOW YOU KIDS.
I KNOW YOU.
1491
01:01:00,457 --> 01:01:01,801
WAIT... I KNOW YOU KIDS.
I KNOW YOU.
I SEE YOU ON TELEVISION ALL THE
1492
01:01:01,825 --> 01:01:02,201
I KNOW YOU.
I SEE YOU ON TELEVISION ALL THE
TIME.
1493
01:01:02,225 --> 01:01:03,202
I SEE YOU ON TELEVISION ALL THE
TIME.
OH, THANK YOU.
1494
01:01:03,226 --> 01:01:04,203
TIME.
OH, THANK YOU.
YOU'RE GREAT.
1495
01:01:04,227 --> 01:01:04,871
OH, THANK YOU.
YOU'RE GREAT.
I LOVE YOU.
1496
01:01:04,895 --> 01:01:06,372
YOU'RE GREAT.
I LOVE YOU.
I NEVER... I NEVER... I NEVER
1497
01:01:06,396 --> 01:01:07,540
I LOVE YOU.
I NEVER... I NEVER... I NEVER
MISS "LAUGH-IN."
1498
01:01:07,564 --> 01:01:08,875
I NEVER... I NEVER... I NEVER
MISS "LAUGH-IN."
I WATCH IT ALL THE TIME.
1499
01:01:08,899 --> 01:01:10,877
MISS "LAUGH-IN."
I WATCH IT ALL THE TIME.
I JUST LOVE "LAUGH-IN."
1500
01:01:10,901 --> 01:01:12,211
I WATCH IT ALL THE TIME.
I JUST LOVE "LAUGH-IN."
YOU ARE FUNNY.
1501
01:01:12,235 --> 01:01:13,212
I JUST LOVE "LAUGH-IN."
YOU ARE FUNNY.
[CHUCKLES]
1502
01:01:13,236 --> 01:01:15,214
YOU ARE FUNNY.
[CHUCKLES]
UH, UH, WE'RE NOT ON "LAUGH-IN."
1503
01:01:15,238 --> 01:01:16,883
[CHUCKLES]
UH, UH, WE'RE NOT ON "LAUGH-IN."
I'M, UH, JANE CURTIN, AND THIS
1504
01:01:16,907 --> 01:01:17,884
UH, UH, WE'RE NOT ON "LAUGH-IN."
I'M, UH, JANE CURTIN, AND THIS
IS GILDA RADNER.
1505
01:01:17,908 --> 01:01:19,218
I'M, UH, JANE CURTIN, AND THIS
IS GILDA RADNER.
WE'RE ON "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."
1506
01:01:19,242 --> 01:01:20,620
IS GILDA RADNER.
WE'RE ON "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."
THE WAY YOU HIT THAT GUY WITH
1507
01:01:20,644 --> 01:01:21,988
WE'RE ON "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."
THE WAY YOU HIT THAT GUY WITH
THE PURSE AND KNOCK HIM OVER, I
1508
01:01:22,012 --> 01:01:22,555
THE WAY YOU HIT THAT GUY WITH
THE PURSE AND KNOCK HIM OVER, I
LOVE THAT.
1509
01:01:22,579 --> 01:01:23,723
THE PURSE AND KNOCK HIM OVER, I
LOVE THAT.
KNOCK HIM OVER.
1510
01:01:23,747 --> 01:01:24,891
LOVE THAT.
KNOCK HIM OVER.
THAT'S FUNNY STUFF.
1511
01:01:24,915 --> 01:01:26,993
KNOCK HIM OVER.
THAT'S FUNNY STUFF.
LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF.
1512
01:01:27,017 --> 01:01:28,561
THAT'S FUNNY STUFF.
LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF.
I'M GAGS BEASLEY.
1513
01:01:28,585 --> 01:01:29,896
LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF.
I'M GAGS BEASLEY.
I'M IN THE BUSINESS.
1514
01:01:29,920 --> 01:01:31,064
I'M GAGS BEASLEY.
I'M IN THE BUSINESS.
I'M A COMEDY WRITER.
1515
01:01:31,088 --> 01:01:32,565
I'M IN THE BUSINESS.
I'M A COMEDY WRITER.
THE NAME RING A BELL?
1516
01:01:32,589 --> 01:01:33,566
I'M A COMEDY WRITER.
THE NAME RING A BELL?
NO.
1517
01:01:33,590 --> 01:01:34,734
THE NAME RING A BELL?
NO.
SURE, IT DOES.
1518
01:01:34,758 --> 01:01:35,735
NO.
SURE, IT DOES.
SURE, IT DOES!
1519
01:01:35,759 --> 01:01:37,236
SURE, IT DOES.
SURE, IT DOES!
GAGS BEASLEY.
1520
01:01:37,260 --> 01:01:39,072
SURE, IT DOES!
GAGS BEASLEY.
YEAH, I... I WROTE FOR...
1521
01:01:39,096 --> 01:01:41,675
GAGS BEASLEY.
YEAH, I... I WROTE FOR...
I WROTE FOR EDDIE CANTOR, AND I
1522
01:01:41,699 --> 01:01:43,576
YEAH, I... I WROTE FOR...
I WROTE FOR EDDIE CANTOR, AND I
WROTE FOR FRED ALLEN.
1523
01:01:43,600 --> 01:01:45,178
I WROTE FOR EDDIE CANTOR, AND I
WROTE FOR FRED ALLEN.
I'D BE WRITING FOR BOB HOPE
1524
01:01:45,202 --> 01:01:46,579
WROTE FOR FRED ALLEN.
I'D BE WRITING FOR BOB HOPE
TODAY IF HE WERE ALIVE.
1525
01:01:46,603 --> 01:01:47,580
I'D BE WRITING FOR BOB HOPE
TODAY IF HE WERE ALIVE.
[SNIFFS]
1526
01:01:47,604 --> 01:01:49,082
TODAY IF HE WERE ALIVE.
[SNIFFS]
WELL, YOU'VE BEEN IN THE
1527
01:01:49,106 --> 01:01:50,750
[SNIFFS]
WELL, YOU'VE BEEN IN THE
BUSINESS FOR A LONG TIME, THEN.
1528
01:01:50,774 --> 01:01:52,752
WELL, YOU'VE BEEN IN THE
BUSINESS FOR A LONG TIME, THEN.
OH, I WROTE FOR THEM ALL.
1529
01:01:52,776 --> 01:01:54,087
BUSINESS FOR A LONG TIME, THEN.
OH, I WROTE FOR THEM ALL.
YEAH, I WROTE FOR... AND BY THE
1530
01:01:54,111 --> 01:01:56,589
OH, I WROTE FOR THEM ALL.
YEAH, I WROTE FOR... AND BY THE
WAY, I AM OFF THE BOOZE.
1531
01:01:56,613 --> 01:01:58,291
YEAH, I WROTE FOR... AND BY THE
WAY, I AM OFF THE BOOZE.
I AM OFF THE... DON'T START THAT
1532
01:01:58,315 --> 01:01:58,825
WAY, I AM OFF THE BOOZE.
I AM OFF THE... DON'T START THAT
RUMOR.
1533
01:01:58,849 --> 01:02:00,393
I AM OFF THE... DON'T START THAT
RUMOR.
THAT'S WHAT KILLED ME IN THIS
1534
01:02:00,417 --> 01:02:02,095
RUMOR.
THAT'S WHAT KILLED ME IN THIS
BUSINESS, IS I WAS ON THE SAUCE.
1535
01:02:02,119 --> 01:02:03,763
THAT'S WHAT KILLED ME IN THIS
BUSINESS, IS I WAS ON THE SAUCE.
I HAVEN'T... I HAVEN'T HAD A
1536
01:02:03,787 --> 01:02:05,431
BUSINESS, IS I WAS ON THE SAUCE.
I HAVEN'T... I HAVEN'T HAD A
DROP IN 20 YEARS.
1537
01:02:05,455 --> 01:02:06,933
I HAVEN'T... I HAVEN'T HAD A
DROP IN 20 YEARS.
SWEAR TO GOD!
1538
01:02:06,957 --> 01:02:08,601
DROP IN 20 YEARS.
SWEAR TO GOD!
SWEAR TO GOD!
1539
01:02:08,625 --> 01:02:10,770
SWEAR TO GOD!
SWEAR TO GOD!
THIS IS JUST THE RESIDUAL
1540
01:02:10,794 --> 01:02:13,940
SWEAR TO GOD!
THIS IS JUST THE RESIDUAL
EFFECT.
1541
01:02:13,964 --> 01:02:15,775
THIS IS JUST THE RESIDUAL
EFFECT.
AM I GOING TO THE BATHROOM?
1542
01:02:15,799 --> 01:02:17,443
EFFECT.
AM I GOING TO THE BATHROOM?
LOOK, UH, MR. BEASLEY, IT WAS
1543
01:02:17,467 --> 01:02:19,612
AM I GOING TO THE BATHROOM?
LOOK, UH, MR. BEASLEY, IT WAS
VERY NICE MEETING YOU, BUT WE...
1544
01:02:19,636 --> 01:02:21,447
LOOK, UH, MR. BEASLEY, IT WAS
VERY NICE MEETING YOU, BUT WE...
I'M SORRY TO LOSE CONTROL.
1545
01:02:21,471 --> 01:02:22,615
VERY NICE MEETING YOU, BUT WE...
I'M SORRY TO LOSE CONTROL.
I DON'T KNOW.
1546
01:02:22,639 --> 01:02:24,117
I'M SORRY TO LOSE CONTROL.
I DON'T KNOW.
BUT I LOVE YOU KIDS.
1547
01:02:24,141 --> 01:02:25,952
I DON'T KNOW.
BUT I LOVE YOU KIDS.
I WORKED WITH JOKES JAMESON.
1548
01:02:25,976 --> 01:02:27,954
BUT I LOVE YOU KIDS.
I WORKED WITH JOKES JAMESON.
JOKES AND GAGS, GAGS AND JOKES.
1549
01:02:27,978 --> 01:02:29,789
I WORKED WITH JOKES JAMESON.
JOKES AND GAGS, GAGS AND JOKES.
I WROTE THE GAGS, AND JOKES
1550
01:02:29,813 --> 01:02:31,457
JOKES AND GAGS, GAGS AND JOKES.
I WROTE THE GAGS, AND JOKES
WROTE THE PUNCH LINE.
1551
01:02:31,481 --> 01:02:32,959
I WROTE THE GAGS, AND JOKES
WROTE THE PUNCH LINE.
OH, HE WAS A LEGEND.
1552
01:02:32,983 --> 01:02:34,627
WROTE THE PUNCH LINE.
OH, HE WAS A LEGEND.
UH, JOKES IS GONE NOW.
1553
01:02:34,651 --> 01:02:35,628
OH, HE WAS A LEGEND.
UH, JOKES IS GONE NOW.
GOD REST HIS SOUL.
1554
01:02:35,652 --> 01:02:36,796
UH, JOKES IS GONE NOW.
GOD REST HIS SOUL.
JOKES IS DEAD?
1555
01:02:36,820 --> 01:02:38,131
GOD REST HIS SOUL.
JOKES IS DEAD?
JOKES IS GONE!
1556
01:02:38,155 --> 01:02:40,299
JOKES IS DEAD?
JOKES IS GONE!
GOD REST HIS SOUL!
1557
01:02:40,323 --> 01:02:42,435
JOKES IS GONE!
GOD REST HIS SOUL!
I WAS WITH HIM WHEN HE DIED.
1558
01:02:42,459 --> 01:02:44,303
GOD REST HIS SOUL!
I WAS WITH HIM WHEN HE DIED.
HE WAS KILLED BY A JOKE.
1559
01:02:44,327 --> 01:02:45,805
I WAS WITH HIM WHEN HE DIED.
HE WAS KILLED BY A JOKE.
HE WAS A TROUPER, A REAL...
1560
01:02:45,829 --> 01:02:47,306
HE WAS KILLED BY A JOKE.
HE WAS A TROUPER, A REAL...
THESE KIDS TODAY, THEY DON'T
1561
01:02:47,330 --> 01:02:48,808
HE WAS A TROUPER, A REAL...
THESE KIDS TODAY, THEY DON'T
KNOW HOW TO WRITE SKETCHES.
1562
01:02:48,832 --> 01:02:50,810
THESE KIDS TODAY, THEY DON'T
KNOW HOW TO WRITE SKETCHES.
THEY WRITE GARBAGE!
1563
01:02:50,834 --> 01:02:52,979
KNOW HOW TO WRITE SKETCHES.
THEY WRITE GARBAGE!
GARBAGE!
1564
01:02:53,003 --> 01:02:54,147
THEY WRITE GARBAGE!
GARBAGE!
[GAGGING]
1565
01:02:54,171 --> 01:02:55,148
GARBAGE!
[GAGGING]
[COUGHS]
1566
01:02:55,172 --> 01:02:56,649
[GAGGING]
[COUGHS]
I'LL BE OKAY.
1567
01:02:56,673 --> 01:02:57,650
[COUGHS]
I'LL BE OKAY.
I'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
1568
01:02:57,674 --> 01:02:58,985
I'LL BE OKAY.
I'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU KIDS SHOULD
1569
01:02:59,009 --> 01:02:59,485
I'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU KIDS SHOULD
REMEMBER?
1570
01:02:59,509 --> 01:03:00,720
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU KIDS SHOULD
REMEMBER?
I LOVE YOU KIDS.
1571
01:03:00,744 --> 01:03:01,888
REMEMBER?
I LOVE YOU KIDS.
I SWEAR TO GOD.
1572
01:03:01,912 --> 01:03:02,989
I LOVE YOU KIDS.
I SWEAR TO GOD.
REMEMBER THIS.
1573
01:03:03,013 --> 01:03:04,991
I SWEAR TO GOD.
REMEMBER THIS.
THERE'S A THIN LINE BETWEEN
1574
01:03:05,015 --> 01:03:06,325
REMEMBER THIS.
THERE'S A THIN LINE BETWEEN
COMEDY AND HUMOR.
1575
01:03:06,349 --> 01:03:08,527
THERE'S A THIN LINE BETWEEN
COMEDY AND HUMOR.
OH, THAT'S VERY PROFOUND,
1576
01:03:08,551 --> 01:03:09,195
COMEDY AND HUMOR.
OH, THAT'S VERY PROFOUND,
GAGS.
1577
01:03:09,219 --> 01:03:09,996
OH, THAT'S VERY PROFOUND,
GAGS.
HUH?
1578
01:03:10,020 --> 01:03:11,164
GAGS.
HUH?
THAT'S VERY PROFOUND.
1579
01:03:11,188 --> 01:03:12,665
HUH?
THAT'S VERY PROFOUND.
THAT'S PROFOUND!
1580
01:03:12,689 --> 01:03:13,733
THAT'S VERY PROFOUND.
THAT'S PROFOUND!
YOU DON'T LIKE THAT?
1581
01:03:13,757 --> 01:03:15,334
THAT'S PROFOUND!
YOU DON'T LIKE THAT?
YOU DON'T SEE THAT ON A BATHROOM
1582
01:03:15,358 --> 01:03:16,502
YOU DON'T LIKE THAT?
YOU DON'T SEE THAT ON A BATHROOM
WALL.
1583
01:03:16,526 --> 01:03:17,937
YOU DON'T SEE THAT ON A BATHROOM
WALL.
STRUCTURE IS EVERYTHING IN
1584
01:03:17,961 --> 01:03:18,504
WALL.
STRUCTURE IS EVERYTHING IN
COMEDY.
1585
01:03:18,528 --> 01:03:19,839
STRUCTURE IS EVERYTHING IN
COMEDY.
I KNEW STRUCTURE.
1586
01:03:19,863 --> 01:03:21,007
COMEDY.
I KNEW STRUCTURE.
I KNEW IT!
1587
01:03:21,031 --> 01:03:22,175
I KNEW STRUCTURE.
I KNEW IT!
I LIVED IT.
1588
01:03:22,199 --> 01:03:23,576
I KNEW IT!
I LIVED IT.
YOU SEE THIS ASHTRAY?
1589
01:03:23,600 --> 01:03:24,244
I LIVED IT.
YOU SEE THIS ASHTRAY?
YEAH.
1590
01:03:24,268 --> 01:03:26,179
YOU SEE THIS ASHTRAY?
YEAH.
THAT ASHTRAY BY ITSELF, THAT
1591
01:03:26,203 --> 01:03:27,346
YEAH.
THAT ASHTRAY BY ITSELF, THAT
ISN'T FUNNY.
1592
01:03:27,370 --> 01:03:29,015
THAT ASHTRAY BY ITSELF, THAT
ISN'T FUNNY.
BUT YOU PUT IT IN A FUNNY
1593
01:03:29,039 --> 01:03:30,683
ISN'T FUNNY.
BUT YOU PUT IT IN A FUNNY
SITUATION, THAT'S COMEDY!
1594
01:03:30,707 --> 01:03:32,018
BUT YOU PUT IT IN A FUNNY
SITUATION, THAT'S COMEDY!
THAT'S COMEDY.
1595
01:03:32,042 --> 01:03:33,019
SITUATION, THAT'S COMEDY!
THAT'S COMEDY.
I LOVE IT.
1596
01:03:33,043 --> 01:03:33,920
THAT'S COMEDY.
I LOVE IT.
I LOVE COMEDY.
1597
01:03:33,944 --> 01:03:35,655
I LOVE IT.
I LOVE COMEDY.
YOU DON'T SEE THAT KIND OF STUFF
1598
01:03:35,679 --> 01:03:36,189
I LOVE COMEDY.
YOU DON'T SEE THAT KIND OF STUFF
TODAY.
1599
01:03:36,213 --> 01:03:38,258
YOU DON'T SEE THAT KIND OF STUFF
TODAY.
WELL, GAGS, TIMES CHANGE, I
1600
01:03:38,282 --> 01:03:39,525
TODAY.
WELL, GAGS, TIMES CHANGE, I
GUESS, YOU KNOW.
1601
01:03:39,549 --> 01:03:40,860
WELL, GAGS, TIMES CHANGE, I
GUESS, YOU KNOW.
JOKES DON'T CHANGE.
1602
01:03:40,884 --> 01:03:42,528
GUESS, YOU KNOW.
JOKES DON'T CHANGE.
YOU'RE TALKING TO THE MAN WHO
1603
01:03:42,552 --> 01:03:44,297
JOKES DON'T CHANGE.
YOU'RE TALKING TO THE MAN WHO
WROTE THE CLASSIC BANANA SKETCH
1604
01:03:44,321 --> 01:03:45,364
YOU'RE TALKING TO THE MAN WHO
WROTE THE CLASSIC BANANA SKETCH
FOR EDDIE CANTOR.
1605
01:03:45,388 --> 01:03:46,532
WROTE THE CLASSIC BANANA SKETCH
FOR EDDIE CANTOR.
I WROTE THAT!
1606
01:03:46,556 --> 01:03:47,901
FOR EDDIE CANTOR.
I WROTE THAT!
YEAH, EDDIE SAID, "GAGS, IT
1607
01:03:47,925 --> 01:03:48,634
I WROTE THAT!
YEAH, EDDIE SAID, "GAGS, IT
WON'T WORK."
1608
01:03:48,658 --> 01:03:49,836
YEAH, EDDIE SAID, "GAGS, IT
WON'T WORK."
I SAID, "YOU'RE CRAZY."
1609
01:03:49,860 --> 01:03:51,404
WON'T WORK."
I SAID, "YOU'RE CRAZY."
HE SAID, "GAGS, IT WON'T WORK."
1610
01:03:51,428 --> 01:03:52,705
I SAID, "YOU'RE CRAZY."
HE SAID, "GAGS, IT WON'T WORK."
I SAID, "EDDIE, GIVE IT A
1611
01:03:52,729 --> 01:03:53,206
HE SAID, "GAGS, IT WON'T WORK."
I SAID, "EDDIE, GIVE IT A
CHANCE.
1612
01:03:53,230 --> 01:03:54,207
I SAID, "EDDIE, GIVE IT A
CHANCE.
GIVE IT A CHANCE.
1613
01:03:54,231 --> 01:03:55,374
CHANCE.
GIVE IT A CHANCE.
GIVE IT A CHANCE."
1614
01:03:55,398 --> 01:03:58,377
GIVE IT A CHANCE.
GIVE IT A CHANCE."
YEAH, AND I GOT 3,000 BANANAS.
1615
01:03:58,401 --> 01:04:00,379
GIVE IT A CHANCE."
YEAH, AND I GOT 3,000 BANANAS.
3,000!
1616
01:04:00,403 --> 01:04:01,881
YEAH, AND I GOT 3,000 BANANAS.
3,000!
AND WE HUNG THEM ALL OVER THE
1617
01:04:01,905 --> 01:04:02,882
3,000!
AND WE HUNG THEM ALL OVER THE
STUDIO.
1618
01:04:02,906 --> 01:04:05,384
AND WE HUNG THEM ALL OVER THE
STUDIO.
IT WOULD HAVE WORKED, TOO, BUT
1619
01:04:05,408 --> 01:04:06,385
STUDIO.
IT WOULD HAVE WORKED, TOO, BUT
IT WAS RADIO.
1620
01:04:06,409 --> 01:04:09,222
IT WOULD HAVE WORKED, TOO, BUT
IT WAS RADIO.
[CHUCKLES]
1621
01:04:09,246 --> 01:04:11,191
IT WAS RADIO.
[CHUCKLES]
I WAS ALWAYS AHEAD OF MY
1622
01:04:11,215 --> 01:04:11,825
[CHUCKLES]
I WAS ALWAYS AHEAD OF MY
TIME.
1623
01:04:11,849 --> 01:04:13,626
I WAS ALWAYS AHEAD OF MY
TIME.
I AL... AM I GOING TO THE
1624
01:04:13,650 --> 01:04:14,727
TIME.
I AL... AM I GOING TO THE
BATHROOM YET?
1625
01:04:14,751 --> 01:04:15,561
I AL... AM I GOING TO THE
BATHROOM YET?
OH, GAGS.
1626
01:04:15,585 --> 01:04:16,963
BATHROOM YET?
OH, GAGS.
LOOK, GAGS, WE'RE SORRY.
1627
01:04:16,987 --> 01:04:17,897
OH, GAGS.
LOOK, GAGS, WE'RE SORRY.
WE HAVE TO GO.
1628
01:04:17,921 --> 01:04:19,565
LOOK, GAGS, WE'RE SORRY.
WE HAVE TO GO.
YOU SEE, UH, WE HAVE TO DO THE
1629
01:04:19,589 --> 01:04:20,733
WE HAVE TO GO.
YOU SEE, UH, WE HAVE TO DO THE
SHOW, AND...
1630
01:04:20,757 --> 01:04:22,268
YOU SEE, UH, WE HAVE TO DO THE
SHOW, AND...
CAN I ASK YOU KIDS SOMETHING?
1631
01:04:22,292 --> 01:04:23,769
SHOW, AND...
CAN I ASK YOU KIDS SOMETHING?
DO YOU NEED ANY WRITERS ON THIS
1632
01:04:23,793 --> 01:04:24,737
CAN I ASK YOU KIDS SOMETHING?
DO YOU NEED ANY WRITERS ON THIS
SHOW YOU'RE DOING?
1633
01:04:24,761 --> 01:04:25,972
DO YOU NEED ANY WRITERS ON THIS
SHOW YOU'RE DOING?
WELL, WE HAVE A WRITING
1634
01:04:25,996 --> 01:04:26,439
SHOW YOU'RE DOING?
WELL, WE HAVE A WRITING
STAFF.
1635
01:04:26,463 --> 01:04:27,907
WELL, WE HAVE A WRITING
STAFF.
I'M READY TO GO BACK TO WORK.
1636
01:04:27,931 --> 01:04:29,608
STAFF.
I'M READY TO GO BACK TO WORK.
I'VE BEEN, YOU KNOW, LAYING OFF
1637
01:04:29,632 --> 01:04:31,244
I'M READY TO GO BACK TO WORK.
I'VE BEEN, YOU KNOW, LAYING OFF
'CAUSE I WAS WORKING TOO HARD,
1638
01:04:31,268 --> 01:04:33,246
I'VE BEEN, YOU KNOW, LAYING OFF
'CAUSE I WAS WORKING TOO HARD,
AND I HAD ENOUGH MONEY.
1639
01:04:33,270 --> 01:04:35,414
'CAUSE I WAS WORKING TOO HARD,
AND I HAD ENOUGH MONEY.
BUT I WROTE A MONOLOGUE TODAY.
1640
01:04:35,438 --> 01:04:36,415
AND I HAD ENOUGH MONEY.
BUT I WROTE A MONOLOGUE TODAY.
I WAS JUST...
1641
01:04:36,439 --> 01:04:37,416
BUT I WROTE A MONOLOGUE TODAY.
I WAS JUST...
I'LL READ IT TO YOU.
1642
01:04:37,440 --> 01:04:39,585
I WAS JUST...
I'LL READ IT TO YOU.
MAYBE ONE OF YOUR GUEST HOSTS...
1643
01:04:39,609 --> 01:04:40,920
I'LL READ IT TO YOU.
MAYBE ONE OF YOUR GUEST HOSTS...
DO YOU HAVE GUEST HOSTS?
1644
01:04:40,944 --> 01:04:41,587
MAYBE ONE OF YOUR GUEST HOSTS...
DO YOU HAVE GUEST HOSTS?
Both: YEAH.
1645
01:04:41,611 --> 01:04:42,588
DO YOU HAVE GUEST HOSTS?
Both: YEAH.
HE COULD USE IT.
1646
01:04:42,612 --> 01:04:44,757
Both: YEAH.
HE COULD USE IT.
THIS IS FUNNY!
1647
01:04:44,781 --> 01:04:46,592
HE COULD USE IT.
THIS IS FUNNY!
FUNNY KIND OF STUFF.
1648
01:04:46,616 --> 01:04:47,927
THIS IS FUNNY!
FUNNY KIND OF STUFF.
BAM, BAM!
1649
01:04:47,951 --> 01:04:49,929
FUNNY KIND OF STUFF.
BAM, BAM!
NO WAITING AROUND FOR A JOKE.
1650
01:04:49,953 --> 01:04:51,097
BAM, BAM!
NO WAITING AROUND FOR A JOKE.
A JOKE A MINUTE.
1651
01:04:51,121 --> 01:04:53,766
NO WAITING AROUND FOR A JOKE.
A JOKE A MINUTE.
AND I WROTE THIS FOR JACK BENNY,
1652
01:04:53,790 --> 01:04:55,101
A JOKE A MINUTE.
AND I WROTE THIS FOR JACK BENNY,
BUT IT'S TOO HIP FOR HIM.
1653
01:04:55,125 --> 01:04:56,936
AND I WROTE THIS FOR JACK BENNY,
BUT IT'S TOO HIP FOR HIM.
GAGS, JACK...
1654
01:04:56,960 --> 01:04:58,938
BUT IT'S TOO HIP FOR HIM.
GAGS, JACK...
JAN, DON'T.
1655
01:04:58,962 --> 01:05:00,439
GAGS, JACK...
JAN, DON'T.
AND THIS IS WHAT HE WOULD
1656
01:05:00,463 --> 01:05:01,440
JAN, DON'T.
AND THIS IS WHAT HE WOULD
SAY.
1657
01:05:01,464 --> 01:05:02,775
AND THIS IS WHAT HE WOULD
SAY.
AND IT WOULD START OFF LIKE
1658
01:05:02,799 --> 01:05:04,110
SAY.
AND IT WOULD START OFF LIKE
THIS, YOU KNOW, TOPICAL.
1659
01:05:04,134 --> 01:05:05,912
AND IT WOULD START OFF LIKE
THIS, YOU KNOW, TOPICAL.
"AND THESE KIDS, TODAY, THEY'RE
1660
01:05:05,936 --> 01:05:07,780
THIS, YOU KNOW, TOPICAL.
"AND THESE KIDS, TODAY, THEY'RE
DRIVING ME CRAZY WITH THEIR ZOOT
1661
01:05:07,804 --> 01:05:09,782
"AND THESE KIDS, TODAY, THEY'RE
DRIVING ME CRAZY WITH THEIR ZOOT
SUITS AND THEIR BOOGIE-WOOGIE.
1662
01:05:09,806 --> 01:05:11,784
DRIVING ME CRAZY WITH THEIR ZOOT
SUITS AND THEIR BOOGIE-WOOGIE.
AND THIS NEW SINGER SINATRA,
1663
01:05:11,808 --> 01:05:13,552
SUITS AND THEIR BOOGIE-WOOGIE.
AND THIS NEW SINGER SINATRA,
HE'S SO THIN, WHEN HE TAKES A
1664
01:05:13,576 --> 01:05:15,454
AND THIS NEW SINGER SINATRA,
HE'S SO THIN, WHEN HE TAKES A
BATH, HE NEEDS A LIFEGUARD WITH
1665
01:05:15,478 --> 01:05:16,789
HE'S SO THIN, WHEN HE TAKES A
BATH, HE NEEDS A LIFEGUARD WITH
HIM SO HE WON'T GO DOWN THE
1666
01:05:16,813 --> 01:05:17,456
BATH, HE NEEDS A LIFEGUARD WITH
HIM SO HE WON'T GO DOWN THE
DRAIN."
1667
01:05:17,480 --> 01:05:18,791
HIM SO HE WON'T GO DOWN THE
DRAIN."
GOOD, HUH?
1668
01:05:18,815 --> 01:05:20,126
DRAIN."
GOOD, HUH?
YEAH, IT'S FUNNY.
1669
01:05:20,150 --> 01:05:21,727
GOOD, HUH?
YEAH, IT'S FUNNY.
"AND WHAT'S THIS ABOUT
1670
01:05:21,751 --> 01:05:23,296
YEAH, IT'S FUNNY.
"AND WHAT'S THIS ABOUT
ROOSEVELT'S NEW DEAL?
1671
01:05:23,320 --> 01:05:24,797
"AND WHAT'S THIS ABOUT
ROOSEVELT'S NEW DEAL?
I'M STILL PAYING FOR THE OLD
1672
01:05:24,821 --> 01:05:25,298
ROOSEVELT'S NEW DEAL?
I'M STILL PAYING FOR THE OLD
DEAL."
1673
01:05:25,322 --> 01:05:26,499
I'M STILL PAYING FOR THE OLD
DEAL."
GAGS, IT'S TERRIFIC.
1674
01:05:26,523 --> 01:05:27,466
DEAL."
GAGS, IT'S TERRIFIC.
IT'S REALLY FINE.
1675
01:05:27,490 --> 01:05:28,935
GAGS, IT'S TERRIFIC.
IT'S REALLY FINE.
IT JUST NEEDS TO BE UPDATED A
1676
01:05:28,959 --> 01:05:29,435
IT'S REALLY FINE.
IT JUST NEEDS TO BE UPDATED A
LITTLE.
1677
01:05:29,459 --> 01:05:30,136
IT JUST NEEDS TO BE UPDATED A
LITTLE.
THAT'S ALL.
1678
01:05:30,160 --> 01:05:32,138
LITTLE.
THAT'S ALL.
OH.
1679
01:05:32,162 --> 01:05:33,472
THAT'S ALL.
OH.
UH, WOULD YOU GIVE...
1680
01:05:33,496 --> 01:05:34,908
OH.
UH, WOULD YOU GIVE...
WOULD YOU GIVE A CARD TO YOUR
1681
01:05:34,932 --> 01:05:36,509
UH, WOULD YOU GIVE...
WOULD YOU GIVE A CARD TO YOUR
PRODUCER AND HAVE HIM CALL ME IF
1682
01:05:36,533 --> 01:05:37,476
WOULD YOU GIVE A CARD TO YOUR
PRODUCER AND HAVE HIM CALL ME IF
HE NEEDS A WRITER?
1683
01:05:37,500 --> 01:05:41,314
PRODUCER AND HAVE HIM CALL ME IF
HE NEEDS A WRITER?
THIS IS AN 8 OF CLUBS.
1684
01:05:41,338 --> 01:05:42,815
HE NEEDS A WRITER?
THIS IS AN 8 OF CLUBS.
MY NUMBER'S ON IT.
1685
01:05:42,839 --> 01:05:43,316
THIS IS AN 8 OF CLUBS.
MY NUMBER'S ON IT.
OH.
1686
01:05:43,340 --> 01:05:44,583
MY NUMBER'S ON IT.
OH.
IT'S A PAY PHONE.
1687
01:05:44,607 --> 01:05:45,518
OH.
IT'S A PAY PHONE.
JUST RING IT.
1688
01:05:45,542 --> 01:05:46,485
IT'S A PAY PHONE.
JUST RING IT.
I'LL BE THERE.
1689
01:05:46,509 --> 01:05:47,820
JUST RING IT.
I'LL BE THERE.
OKAY, I'LL GIVE IT TO HIM.
1690
01:05:47,844 --> 01:05:49,155
I'LL BE THERE.
OKAY, I'LL GIVE IT TO HIM.
IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU.
1691
01:05:49,179 --> 01:05:50,489
OKAY, I'LL GIVE IT TO HIM.
IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU.
GOOD LUCK, GAGS.
1692
01:05:50,513 --> 01:05:51,490
IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU.
GOOD LUCK, GAGS.
I NEED IT.
1693
01:05:51,514 --> 01:05:55,161
GOOD LUCK, GAGS.
I NEED IT.
I'M STILL A GOOD COMEDY WRITER.
1694
01:05:55,185 --> 01:05:56,829
I NEED IT.
I'M STILL A GOOD COMEDY WRITER.
COMEDY'S...
1695
01:05:56,853 --> 01:06:03,836
I'M STILL A GOOD COMEDY WRITER.
COMEDY'S...
COMEDY'S ALL I KNOW.
1696
01:06:03,860 --> 01:06:05,940
COMEDY'S...
COMEDY'S ALL I KNOW.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
1697
01:06:13,002 --> 01:06:15,036
SAY GOOD NIGHT TO EVERYBODY.
1698
01:06:15,171 --> 01:06:16,371
GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.
1699
01:06:16,505 --> 01:06:17,538
THANK YOU FOR WATCHING.
1700
01:06:17,673 --> 01:06:18,206
GOOD NIGHT.
1701
01:06:18,341 --> 01:06:20,475
GOOD NIGHT.
181184
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