subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for SNL S02E16 Sissy Spacek.DVDRip.HI.RLP.cc.en.UNVSL

Afrikaans

Akan

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bemba

Bengali

Bihari

Bosnian

Breton

Bulgarian

Cambodian

Catalan

Cebuano

Cherokee

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsican

Croatian Download

Czech

Danish

Dutch

English

Esperanto

Estonian

Ewe

Faroese

Filipino

Finnish

French

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German

Greek

Guarani

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian

Interlingua

Irish

Italian

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Kinyarwanda

Kirundi

Kongo

Korean

Krio (Sierra Leone)

Kurdish

Kurdish (Soranî)

Kyrgyz

Laothian

Latin

Latvian

Lingala

Lithuanian

Lozi

Luganda

Luo

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mauritian Creole

Moldavian

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese)

Montenegrin

Nepali

Nigerian Pidgin

Northern Sotho

Norwegian

Norwegian (Nynorsk)

Occitan

Oriya

Oromo

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese (Brazil)

Portuguese (Portugal)

Punjabi

Quechua

Romanian

Romansh

Runyakitara

Russian

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Serbo-Croatian

Sesotho

Setswana

Seychellois Creole

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhalese

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish

Spanish (Latin American)

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Tatar

Telugu

Thai

Tigrinya

Tonga

Tshiluba

Tumbuka

Turkish

Turkmen

Twi

Uighur

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Wolof

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,467 --> 00:00:05,048 Announcer: THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW WHICH YOU ARE ABOUT TO SEE WILL GO ON AS SCHEDULED 2 00:00:05,072 --> 00:00:06,416 NIGHT" SHOW WHICH YOU ARE ABOUT TO SEE WILL GO ON AS SCHEDULED DESPITE CERTAIN TECHNICAL 3 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:07,550 TO SEE WILL GO ON AS SCHEDULED DESPITE CERTAIN TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. 4 00:00:07,574 --> 00:00:09,152 DESPITE CERTAIN TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. UNFORTUNATELY, A FEW MINUTES 5 00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:10,920 DIFFICULTIES. UNFORTUNATELY, A FEW MINUTES AGO, JUST AFTER DRESS REHEARSAL, 6 00:00:10,944 --> 00:00:12,956 UNFORTUNATELY, A FEW MINUTES AGO, JUST AFTER DRESS REHEARSAL, THE DIRECTOR OF THE SHOW, UH, 7 00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:15,392 AGO, JUST AFTER DRESS REHEARSAL, THE DIRECTOR OF THE SHOW, UH, DIED. 8 00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:20,797 THE DIRECTOR OF THE SHOW, UH, DIED. YEAH. 9 00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:22,499 DIED. YEAH. YEAH? OKAY. 10 00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:25,435 YEAH. YEAH? OKAY. UH, HI, I'M CAPTAIN RIP RIDER. 11 00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:27,471 YEAH? OKAY. UH, HI, I'M CAPTAIN RIP RIDER. UH, NO, I'M DAN AYKROYD. 12 00:00:27,495 --> 00:00:29,772 UH, HI, I'M CAPTAIN RIP RIDER. UH, NO, I'M DAN AYKROYD. WELL, I'M... I'M KIND OF S... 13 00:00:29,796 --> 00:00:31,375 UH, NO, I'M DAN AYKROYD. WELL, I'M... I'M KIND OF S... I'M KIND OF AFRAID BECAUSE, UH, 14 00:00:31,399 --> 00:00:32,976 WELL, I'M... I'M KIND OF S... I'M KIND OF AFRAID BECAUSE, UH, WELL, THIS IS LIVE TELEVISION, 15 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,611 I'M KIND OF AFRAID BECAUSE, UH, WELL, THIS IS LIVE TELEVISION, WHERE THE UNEXPECTED CAN HAPPEN, 16 00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:36,146 WELL, THIS IS LIVE TELEVISION, WHERE THE UNEXPECTED CAN HAPPEN, AND, WELL, THE UNEXPECTED HAS 17 00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:37,981 WHERE THE UNEXPECTED CAN HAPPEN, AND, WELL, THE UNEXPECTED HAS HAPPENED. 18 00:00:38,005 --> 00:00:39,182 AND, WELL, THE UNEXPECTED HAS HAPPENED. WE'RE ALL QUITE SADDENED AND 19 00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:40,484 HAPPENED. WE'RE ALL QUITE SADDENED AND DISAPPOINTED, BUT, UH, IN SHOW 20 00:00:40,508 --> 00:00:41,551 WE'RE ALL QUITE SADDENED AND DISAPPOINTED, BUT, UH, IN SHOW BUSINESS, WE HAVE AN OLD 21 00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:42,886 DISAPPOINTED, BUT, UH, IN SHOW BUSINESS, WE HAVE AN OLD SAYING... "THE SHOW MUST GO ON." 22 00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:44,154 BUSINESS, WE HAVE AN OLD SAYING... "THE SHOW MUST GO ON." AND ALTHOUGH WE HAVE THIS OLD 23 00:00:44,178 --> 00:00:45,355 SAYING... "THE SHOW MUST GO ON." AND ALTHOUGH WE HAVE THIS OLD SAYING, WELL, THE SHOW CAN'T 24 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:46,356 AND ALTHOUGH WE HAVE THIS OLD SAYING, WELL, THE SHOW CAN'T POSSIBLY GO ON WITHOUT 25 00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:47,524 SAYING, WELL, THE SHOW CAN'T POSSIBLY GO ON WITHOUT DAVEY WILSON, OUR DIRECTOR, 26 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,759 POSSIBLY GO ON WITHOUT DAVEY WILSON, OUR DIRECTOR, WHO'S APPARENTLY DIED. 27 00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:52,629 DAVEY WILSON, OUR DIRECTOR, WHO'S APPARENTLY DIED. DAVEY IS... IS, UH, WAS ONE OF 28 00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:54,498 WHO'S APPARENTLY DIED. DAVEY IS... IS, UH, WAS ONE OF THE LAST OF A DYING BREED OF 29 00:00:54,522 --> 00:00:56,466 DAVEY IS... IS, UH, WAS ONE OF THE LAST OF A DYING BREED OF PEOPLE WHO KNEW, WHO KNOW HOW, 30 00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:58,335 THE LAST OF A DYING BREED OF PEOPLE WHO KNEW, WHO KNOW HOW, WHO KNEW HOW LIVE TELEVISION 31 00:00:58,359 --> 00:00:58,968 PEOPLE WHO KNEW, WHO KNOW HOW, WHO KNEW HOW LIVE TELEVISION WORKS. 32 00:00:58,992 --> 00:01:00,237 WHO KNEW HOW LIVE TELEVISION WORKS. AND, OF COURSE, THE TRUE 33 00:01:00,261 --> 00:01:01,838 WORKS. AND, OF COURSE, THE TRUE TESTAMENT OF A MAN IS THE WORDS 34 00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:03,473 AND, OF COURSE, THE TRUE TESTAMENT OF A MAN IS THE WORDS AND THOUGHTS ABOUT HIM SPOKEN BY 35 00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:04,974 TESTAMENT OF A MAN IS THE WORDS AND THOUGHTS ABOUT HIM SPOKEN BY THOSE WHO WORKED CLOSEST WITH 36 00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:05,375 AND THOUGHTS ABOUT HIM SPOKEN BY THOSE WHO WORKED CLOSEST WITH HIM. 37 00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:06,776 THOSE WHO WORKED CLOSEST WITH HIM. SIR, YOU KNEW DAVEY WILSON. 38 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:07,810 SIR, YOU KNEW DAVEY WILSON. UH, YES, I DID. 39 00:01:07,834 --> 00:01:09,212 UH, YES, I DID. WHAT SORT OF MAN WAS HE? 40 00:01:09,236 --> 00:01:10,747 WHAT SORT OF MAN WAS HE? SEEMED LIKE A NICE GUY, BUT 41 00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:12,349 SEEMED LIKE A NICE GUY, BUT HE WAS HARD TO GET TO KNOW, YOU 42 00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:13,383 HE WAS HARD TO GET TO KNOW, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 43 00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:15,585 KNOW WHAT I MEAN? YEAH. UH, DAVEY WILSON, A MARVELOUS 44 00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:17,320 YEAH. UH, DAVEY WILSON, A MARVELOUS MAN AND A GUY WHO KNEW WHAT LIVE 45 00:01:17,344 --> 00:01:18,588 UH, DAVEY WILSON, A MARVELOUS MAN AND A GUY WHO KNEW WHAT LIVE TELEVISION WAS ALL A... 46 00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:20,290 MAN AND A GUY WHO KNEW WHAT LIVE TELEVISION WAS ALL A... JOHN! HOW ARE YA? 47 00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:21,758 TELEVISION WAS ALL A... JOHN! HOW ARE YA? WHAT'S HAPPENING OUT THERE? 48 00:01:21,782 --> 00:01:22,692 JOHN! HOW ARE YA? WHAT'S HAPPENING OUT THERE? WHAT'S HAPPENING? 49 00:01:22,716 --> 00:01:24,027 WHAT'S HAPPENING OUT THERE? WHAT'S HAPPENING? I'M SITTING IN FRONT OF 350 50 00:01:24,051 --> 00:01:25,495 WHAT'S HAPPENING? I'M SITTING IN FRONT OF 350 PEOPLE, READY TO PULL DOWN THE 51 00:01:25,519 --> 00:01:26,796 I'M SITTING IN FRONT OF 350 PEOPLE, READY TO PULL DOWN THE TEMPLES OF ISRAEL AND SAY, 52 00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:28,065 PEOPLE, READY TO PULL DOWN THE TEMPLES OF ISRAEL AND SAY, "LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S 53 00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:30,467 TEMPLES OF ISRAEL AND SAY, "LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY NIGHT, '" AND NOBODY 54 00:01:30,491 --> 00:01:32,369 "LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY NIGHT, '" AND NOBODY KNOWS WHAT'S GOING ON. 55 00:01:32,393 --> 00:01:33,937 'SATURDAY NIGHT, '" AND NOBODY KNOWS WHAT'S GOING ON. DAVEY IS DEAD. 56 00:01:33,961 --> 00:01:34,771 KNOWS WHAT'S GOING ON. DAVEY IS DEAD. WHO? 57 00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:36,273 DAVEY IS DEAD. WHO? DAVEY WILSON, OUR DIRECTOR... 58 00:01:36,297 --> 00:01:37,774 WHO? DAVEY WILSON, OUR DIRECTOR... HE JUST DIED BEFORE WE WENT ON 59 00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:38,308 DAVEY WILSON, OUR DIRECTOR... HE JUST DIED BEFORE WE WENT ON THE AIR. 60 00:01:38,332 --> 00:01:39,642 HE JUST DIED BEFORE WE WENT ON THE AIR. DANNY, WHAT'S GOING ON? 61 00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:40,710 THE AIR. DANNY, WHAT'S GOING ON? THE LIGHTS WENT OUT! 62 00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:44,548 DANNY, WHAT'S GOING ON? THE LIGHTS WENT OUT! UH, YEAH, WELL, DAVEY'S DEAD. 63 00:01:44,572 --> 00:01:45,915 THE LIGHTS WENT OUT! UH, YEAH, WELL, DAVEY'S DEAD. YOU SEE, HE DIED BEFORE WE WENT 64 00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:46,516 UH, YEAH, WELL, DAVEY'S DEAD. YOU SEE, HE DIED BEFORE WE WENT ON THE AIR. 65 00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:48,952 YOU SEE, HE DIED BEFORE WE WENT ON THE AIR. OH, NO, THAT MEANS WE CAN'T 66 00:01:48,976 --> 00:01:50,187 ON THE AIR. OH, NO, THAT MEANS WE CAN'T DO THE "DELILAH" SCENE. 67 00:01:50,211 --> 00:01:51,654 OH, NO, THAT MEANS WE CAN'T DO THE "DELILAH" SCENE. WELL, AS IT STANDS NOW, WE 68 00:01:51,678 --> 00:01:53,256 DO THE "DELILAH" SCENE. WELL, AS IT STANDS NOW, WE CAN'T REALLY DO ANYTHING EXCEPT 69 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:54,857 WELL, AS IT STANDS NOW, WE CAN'T REALLY DO ANYTHING EXCEPT JUST SORT OF STAND HERE AND TALK 70 00:01:54,881 --> 00:01:56,493 CAN'T REALLY DO ANYTHING EXCEPT JUST SORT OF STAND HERE AND TALK TO YOU AT HOME AND, UH, AND HOPE 71 00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:57,427 JUST SORT OF STAND HERE AND TALK TO YOU AT HOME AND, UH, AND HOPE THINGS WORK OUT. 72 00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:58,995 TO YOU AT HOME AND, UH, AND HOPE THINGS WORK OUT. THAT'S JUST GREAT, YOU KNOW? 73 00:01:59,019 --> 00:02:00,830 THINGS WORK OUT. THAT'S JUST GREAT, YOU KNOW? I MEAN, I RESEARCH A ROLE ALL 74 00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:02,799 THAT'S JUST GREAT, YOU KNOW? I MEAN, I RESEARCH A ROLE ALL WEEK, I READ BOOKS ON DELILAH, I 75 00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:04,667 I MEAN, I RESEARCH A ROLE ALL WEEK, I READ BOOKS ON DELILAH, I GET PICTURES OF DELILAH, I WAS 76 00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:05,868 WEEK, I READ BOOKS ON DELILAH, I GET PICTURES OF DELILAH, I WAS GREAT AS DELILAH! 77 00:02:05,892 --> 00:02:07,571 GET PICTURES OF DELILAH, I WAS GREAT AS DELILAH! I HAD THEM EATING OUT OF MY 78 00:02:07,595 --> 00:02:09,139 GREAT AS DELILAH! I HAD THEM EATING OUT OF MY HAND IN DRESS REHEARSAL! 79 00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:10,307 I HAD THEM EATING OUT OF MY HAND IN DRESS REHEARSAL! LARAINE, PLEASE. 80 00:02:10,331 --> 00:02:11,274 HAND IN DRESS REHEARSAL! LARAINE, PLEASE. DON'T WORRY. 81 00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:12,409 LARAINE, PLEASE. DON'T WORRY. I'LL BE ALL RIGHT. 82 00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:14,077 DON'T WORRY. I'LL BE ALL RIGHT. AS YOU CAN SEE, LADIES AND 83 00:02:14,101 --> 00:02:15,745 I'LL BE ALL RIGHT. AS YOU CAN SEE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS IS A SHOCK TO 84 00:02:15,769 --> 00:02:16,413 AS YOU CAN SEE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS IS A SHOCK TO EVERYONE. 85 00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:18,081 GENTLEMEN, THIS IS A SHOCK TO EVERYONE. THE FACT THAT WE'RE WITHOUT A 86 00:02:18,105 --> 00:02:18,815 EVERYONE. THE FACT THAT WE'RE WITHOUT A VERY... 87 00:02:18,839 --> 00:02:20,984 THE FACT THAT WE'RE WITHOUT A VERY... WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, MAN? 88 00:02:21,008 --> 00:02:22,652 VERY... WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, MAN? DAVEY WILSON DIED. 89 00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:23,720 WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, MAN? DAVEY WILSON DIED. THE DIRECTOR? 90 00:02:23,744 --> 00:02:25,288 DAVEY WILSON DIED. THE DIRECTOR? THAT'S RIGHT, GARRETT. 91 00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:27,190 THE DIRECTOR? THAT'S RIGHT, GARRETT. YOU WORKED WITH DAVEY WILSON FOR 92 00:02:27,214 --> 00:02:28,325 THAT'S RIGHT, GARRETT. YOU WORKED WITH DAVEY WILSON FOR ALMOST TWO YEARS. 93 00:02:28,349 --> 00:02:29,659 YOU WORKED WITH DAVEY WILSON FOR ALMOST TWO YEARS. IS THERE ANYTHING THAT STANDS 94 00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:30,994 ALMOST TWO YEARS. IS THERE ANYTHING THAT STANDS OUT IN YOUR MEMORY ABOUT HIM? 95 00:02:31,018 --> 00:02:32,395 IS THERE ANYTHING THAT STANDS OUT IN YOUR MEMORY ABOUT HIM? HE SEEMED LIKE A NICE GUY TO 96 00:02:32,419 --> 00:02:32,895 OUT IN YOUR MEMORY ABOUT HIM? HE SEEMED LIKE A NICE GUY TO ME, MAN. 97 00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:34,164 HE SEEMED LIKE A NICE GUY TO ME, MAN. HE NEVER HASSLED ME AT ALL. 98 00:02:34,188 --> 00:02:35,365 ME, MAN. HE NEVER HASSLED ME AT ALL. TWO YEARS, AND HE NEVER 99 00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:36,600 HE NEVER HASSLED ME AT ALL. TWO YEARS, AND HE NEVER HASSLED GARRETT... QUITE A 100 00:02:36,624 --> 00:02:37,534 TWO YEARS, AND HE NEVER HASSLED GARRETT... QUITE A TRIBUTE TO THE DEAD 101 00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:38,235 HASSLED GARRETT... QUITE A TRIBUTE TO THE DEAD DAVEY WILSON. 102 00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:39,636 TRIBUTE TO THE DEAD DAVEY WILSON. WHETHER YOU WERE BLACK OR WHITE 103 00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:40,803 DAVEY WILSON. WHETHER YOU WERE BLACK OR WHITE OR RED OR BLUE OR GREEN, 104 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,239 WHETHER YOU WERE BLACK OR WHITE OR RED OR BLUE OR GREEN, DAVEY WILSON JUST SEEMED TO BE A 105 00:02:42,263 --> 00:02:43,940 OR RED OR BLUE OR GREEN, DAVEY WILSON JUST SEEMED TO BE A NICE KIND OF GUY. 106 00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:45,442 DAVEY WILSON JUST SEEMED TO BE A NICE KIND OF GUY. UH, HE WAS, UH, A NICE GUY. 107 00:02:45,466 --> 00:02:46,476 NICE KIND OF GUY. UH, HE WAS, UH, A NICE GUY. VERY NICE GUY. 108 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:47,076 UH, HE WAS, UH, A NICE GUY. VERY NICE GUY. YEAH. 109 00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,811 VERY NICE GUY. YEAH. YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, HE PRETTY 110 00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:50,046 YEAH. YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, HE PRETTY MUCH KEPT TO HIMSELF. 111 00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:50,747 YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, HE PRETTY MUCH KEPT TO HIMSELF. UH-HUH. 112 00:02:50,771 --> 00:02:52,415 MUCH KEPT TO HIMSELF. UH-HUH. HE WAS A NICE GUY... QUIET GUY, 113 00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:53,850 UH-HUH. HE WAS A NICE GUY... QUIET GUY, EVERYBODY SEEMS TO AGREE. 114 00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:54,451 HE WAS A NICE GUY... QUIET GUY, EVERYBODY SEEMS TO AGREE. YEAH. 115 00:02:54,475 --> 00:02:55,852 EVERYBODY SEEMS TO AGREE. YEAH. I UNDERSTAND WE HAVE A 116 00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:57,320 YEAH. I UNDERSTAND WE HAVE A FILM... "HIGHLIGHTS OF THE 117 00:02:57,344 --> 00:02:58,955 I UNDERSTAND WE HAVE A FILM... "HIGHLIGHTS OF THE CAREER OF DAVEY WILSON," WHICH 118 00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:00,123 FILM... "HIGHLIGHTS OF THE CAREER OF DAVEY WILSON," WHICH WE'RE ABOUT TO ROLL. 119 00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:01,858 CAREER OF DAVEY WILSON," WHICH WE'RE ABOUT TO ROLL. CAN YOU ROLL THE FILM? 120 00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:05,395 WE'RE ABOUT TO ROLL. CAN YOU ROLL THE FILM? UH, NO, BECAUSE I RUN THESE. 121 00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:06,663 CAN YOU ROLL THE FILM? UH, NO, BECAUSE I RUN THESE. OKAY, WELL, WE'RE HAVING SOME 122 00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:07,930 UH, NO, BECAUSE I RUN THESE. OKAY, WELL, WE'RE HAVING SOME TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES WITH THAT 123 00:03:07,954 --> 00:03:08,265 OKAY, WELL, WE'RE HAVING SOME TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES WITH THAT FILM. 124 00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,299 TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES WITH THAT FILM. THAT'S EASILY EXPLAINABLE. 125 00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:10,534 FILM. THAT'S EASILY EXPLAINABLE. THE FILM IS ABOUT THE DIRECTOR, 126 00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:11,801 THAT'S EASILY EXPLAINABLE. THE FILM IS ABOUT THE DIRECTOR, DAVEY WILSON, WHO JUST DIED, AND 127 00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:12,935 THE FILM IS ABOUT THE DIRECTOR, DAVEY WILSON, WHO JUST DIED, AND HE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO REALLY 128 00:03:12,959 --> 00:03:14,003 DAVEY WILSON, WHO JUST DIED, AND HE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO REALLY KNOWS HOW THE TECHNICAL END 129 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:14,371 HE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO REALLY KNOWS HOW THE TECHNICAL END WORKS. 130 00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:15,572 KNOWS HOW THE TECHNICAL END WORKS. SAY GARRETT OR JOHN OR MYSELF 131 00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:16,806 WORKS. SAY GARRETT OR JOHN OR MYSELF HAD DIED AND WE WERE ROLLING A 132 00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:18,007 SAY GARRETT OR JOHN OR MYSELF HAD DIED AND WE WERE ROLLING A FILM ON US, WELL, WE'D HAVE NO 133 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:19,108 HAD DIED AND WE WERE ROLLING A FILM ON US, WELL, WE'D HAVE NO PROBLEM BECAUSE WE'RE ON THE 134 00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:20,310 FILM ON US, WELL, WE'D HAVE NO PROBLEM BECAUSE WE'RE ON THE ACTING END, AS OPPOSED TO THE, 135 00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:21,244 PROBLEM BECAUSE WE'RE ON THE ACTING END, AS OPPOSED TO THE, UH, TECHNICAL END. 136 00:03:21,268 --> 00:03:22,646 ACTING END, AS OPPOSED TO THE, UH, TECHNICAL END. AND, WELL, FILM IS TECHNICAL, 137 00:03:22,670 --> 00:03:24,080 UH, TECHNICAL END. AND, WELL, FILM IS TECHNICAL, AND DAVEY KNEW THAT STUFF, AND 138 00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:24,847 AND, WELL, FILM IS TECHNICAL, AND DAVEY KNEW THAT STUFF, AND HE'S NOT HERE. 139 00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:25,815 AND DAVEY KNEW THAT STUFF, AND HE'S NOT HERE. HE'S KIND OF GONE. 140 00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:27,284 HE'S NOT HERE. HE'S KIND OF GONE. AND THAT'S THE IRONY HERE, I 141 00:03:27,308 --> 00:03:27,717 HE'S KIND OF GONE. AND THAT'S THE IRONY HERE, I THINK. 142 00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:29,118 AND THAT'S THE IRONY HERE, I THINK. IT'S A REAL IRONIC SITUATION. 143 00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:30,787 THINK. IT'S A REAL IRONIC SITUATION. JANE! JANE CURTIN IS HERE. 144 00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:32,322 IT'S A REAL IRONIC SITUATION. JANE! JANE CURTIN IS HERE. AND, JANE, YOU KNEW DAVEY. 145 00:03:32,346 --> 00:03:34,123 JANE! JANE CURTIN IS HERE. AND, JANE, YOU KNEW DAVEY. YOU MUST HAVE SOMETHING THAT YOU 146 00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:35,858 AND, JANE, YOU KNEW DAVEY. YOU MUST HAVE SOMETHING THAT YOU COULD SHARE ABOUT HIM WITH US. 147 00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:37,894 YOU MUST HAVE SOMETHING THAT YOU COULD SHARE ABOUT HIM WITH US. UH... 148 00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:39,362 COULD SHARE ABOUT HIM WITH US. UH... I ONCE HEARD DAVEY SAY HE REALLY 149 00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:40,697 UH... I ONCE HEARD DAVEY SAY HE REALLY LIKED THE BEATLES. 150 00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:42,265 I ONCE HEARD DAVEY SAY HE REALLY LIKED THE BEATLES. WELL, HERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT 151 00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:43,733 LIKED THE BEATLES. WELL, HERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT HIM... HE LIKED THE BEATLES. 152 00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:45,268 WELL, HERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT HIM... HE LIKED THE BEATLES. YEAH, A WHITE MAN WHO LIKED 153 00:03:45,292 --> 00:03:46,603 HIM... HE LIKED THE BEATLES. YEAH, A WHITE MAN WHO LIKED THE BEATLES... NOW, THAT'S 154 00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:47,571 YEAH, A WHITE MAN WHO LIKED THE BEATLES... NOW, THAT'S INTERESTING, MAN. 155 00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:48,938 THE BEATLES... NOW, THAT'S INTERESTING, MAN. AND I THINK THE BEATLES 156 00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:50,340 INTERESTING, MAN. AND I THINK THE BEATLES SUMMED IT UP BEST WHEN THEY 157 00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:52,709 AND I THINK THE BEATLES SUMMED IT UP BEST WHEN THEY SAID, "OB-LA-DI, OB-LA-DA, LIFE 158 00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:53,677 SUMMED IT UP BEST WHEN THEY SAID, "OB-LA-DI, OB-LA-DA, LIFE GOES ON, BRA." 159 00:03:53,701 --> 00:03:55,378 SAID, "OB-LA-DI, OB-LA-DA, LIFE GOES ON, BRA." AH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, 160 00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:55,912 GOES ON, BRA." AH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, JANE. 161 00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:57,581 AH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, JANE. THANK YOU, DAN, AND THANK 162 00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:58,381 JANE. THANK YOU, DAN, AND THANK YOU, DAVE. 163 00:03:58,405 --> 00:03:59,282 THANK YOU, DAN, AND THANK YOU, DAVE. ALL RIGHT. 164 00:03:59,306 --> 00:04:00,483 YOU, DAVE. ALL RIGHT. BILL! BILL MURRAY. 165 00:04:00,507 --> 00:04:02,219 ALL RIGHT. BILL! BILL MURRAY. BILL MURRAY... THE NEWEST OF 166 00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:03,920 BILL! BILL MURRAY. BILL MURRAY... THE NEWEST OF THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME 167 00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:04,487 BILL MURRAY... THE NEWEST OF THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME PLAYERS. 168 00:04:04,511 --> 00:04:05,288 THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME PLAYERS. YES, I AM. 169 00:04:05,312 --> 00:04:06,656 PLAYERS. YES, I AM. PERHAPS YOU HAVE A STORY 170 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,258 YES, I AM. PERHAPS YOU HAVE A STORY ABOUT DAVE WILSON, OUR DECEASED 171 00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:09,726 PERHAPS YOU HAVE A STORY ABOUT DAVE WILSON, OUR DECEASED DIRECTOR, THAT YOU COULD TELL 172 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:10,694 ABOUT DAVE WILSON, OUR DECEASED DIRECTOR, THAT YOU COULD TELL THE FOLKS. 173 00:04:10,718 --> 00:04:14,564 DIRECTOR, THAT YOU COULD TELL THE FOLKS. SURE, UH, UH, DAVEY AND I 174 00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:16,065 THE FOLKS. SURE, UH, UH, DAVEY AND I USED TO DRINK A LOT OF COFFEE 175 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:16,700 SURE, UH, UH, DAVEY AND I USED TO DRINK A LOT OF COFFEE TOGETHER. 176 00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:18,301 USED TO DRINK A LOT OF COFFEE TOGETHER. AND, UH, ONE TIME, I WAS AT THE 177 00:04:18,325 --> 00:04:19,736 TOGETHER. AND, UH, ONE TIME, I WAS AT THE MACHINE, AND HE SAID, "DON'T 178 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:20,637 AND, UH, ONE TIME, I WAS AT THE MACHINE, AND HE SAID, "DON'T DRINK THE MILK. 179 00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:21,871 MACHINE, AND HE SAID, "DON'T DRINK THE MILK. IT'S SOUR." 180 00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:24,541 DRINK THE MILK. IT'S SOUR." AND I DRANK IT ANYWAY, AND IT 181 00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:25,642 IT'S SOUR." AND I DRANK IT ANYWAY, AND IT WAS SOUR. 182 00:04:25,666 --> 00:04:28,378 AND I DRANK IT ANYWAY, AND IT WAS SOUR. BUT, UH, YOU KNOW, IT WAS NICE 183 00:04:28,402 --> 00:04:29,379 WAS SOUR. BUT, UH, YOU KNOW, IT WAS NICE OF HIM TO TELL ME THAT. 184 00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:30,547 BUT, UH, YOU KNOW, IT WAS NICE OF HIM TO TELL ME THAT. THANK YOU, BILL, FOR THAT 185 00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:31,581 OF HIM TO TELL ME THAT. THANK YOU, BILL, FOR THAT STORY ABOUT DAVEY WILSON. 186 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:32,815 THANK YOU, BILL, FOR THAT STORY ABOUT DAVEY WILSON. IF THERE'S ANY ONE PERSON WHO 187 00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:34,117 STORY ABOUT DAVEY WILSON. IF THERE'S ANY ONE PERSON WHO RELIED ON DAVEY WILSON MORE THAN 188 00:04:34,141 --> 00:04:35,352 IF THERE'S ANY ONE PERSON WHO RELIED ON DAVEY WILSON MORE THAN ANYBODY ELSE, IT WOULD HAVE TO 189 00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:35,952 RELIED ON DAVEY WILSON MORE THAN ANYBODY ELSE, IT WOULD HAVE TO BE THE HOST. 190 00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,186 ANYBODY ELSE, IT WOULD HAVE TO BE THE HOST. THIS IS SISSY SPACEK, THE HOST 191 00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:39,656 BE THE HOST. THIS IS SISSY SPACEK, THE HOST OF THIS WEEK'S SHOW, WHICH ISN'T 192 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,324 THIS IS SISSY SPACEK, THE HOST OF THIS WEEK'S SHOW, WHICH ISN'T QUITE THE SHOW WE OR SHE THOUGHT 193 00:04:41,348 --> 00:04:42,058 OF THIS WEEK'S SHOW, WHICH ISN'T QUITE THE SHOW WE OR SHE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE. 194 00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:43,526 QUITE THE SHOW WE OR SHE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE. SISSY, THIS IS YOUR FIRST TV 195 00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:43,993 IT WOULD BE. SISSY, THIS IS YOUR FIRST TV SHOW. 196 00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:45,161 SISSY, THIS IS YOUR FIRST TV SHOW. YES, IT IS, DANNY. 197 00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:46,796 SHOW. YES, IT IS, DANNY. I USUALLY WORK IN MOVIES, AND IF 198 00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:48,365 YES, IT IS, DANNY. I USUALLY WORK IN MOVIES, AND IF SOMEONE DIES IN THE MOVIES, WE 199 00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:51,067 I USUALLY WORK IN MOVIES, AND IF SOMEONE DIES IN THE MOVIES, WE JUST STOP FILMING. 200 00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:52,902 SOMEONE DIES IN THE MOVIES, WE JUST STOP FILMING. BUT HERE, EVERYTHING JUST FALLS 201 00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:53,436 JUST STOP FILMING. BUT HERE, EVERYTHING JUST FALLS APART. 202 00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:55,104 BUT HERE, EVERYTHING JUST FALLS APART. I... I GUESS THAT'S WHAT MAKES 203 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,339 APART. I... I GUESS THAT'S WHAT MAKES LIVE TV SO EXCITING. 204 00:04:56,363 --> 00:04:56,839 I... I GUESS THAT'S WHAT MAKES LIVE TV SO EXCITING. YES! 205 00:04:56,863 --> 00:04:58,007 LIVE TV SO EXCITING. YES! THE EXCITEMENT OF LIVE 206 00:04:58,031 --> 00:04:58,675 YES! THE EXCITEMENT OF LIVE TELEVISION. 207 00:04:58,699 --> 00:04:59,208 THE EXCITEMENT OF LIVE TELEVISION. YES! 208 00:04:59,232 --> 00:04:59,743 TELEVISION. YES! YEAH! 209 00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:01,110 YES! YEAH! I JUST HOPE WE GET TO DO 210 00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,512 YEAH! I JUST HOPE WE GET TO DO SOMETHING THAT WE REHEARSED. 211 00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:04,113 I JUST HOPE WE GET TO DO SOMETHING THAT WE REHEARSED. WELL, SISSY, WE'RE SORRY THAT 212 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,248 SOMETHING THAT WE REHEARSED. WELL, SISSY, WE'RE SORRY THAT IT HAPPENED THIS WEEK. 213 00:05:05,272 --> 00:05:06,716 WELL, SISSY, WE'RE SORRY THAT IT HAPPENED THIS WEEK. AND, YOU KNOW, I KNOW THAT IF 214 00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:07,250 IT HAPPENED THIS WEEK. AND, YOU KNOW, I KNOW THAT IF DAVEY... 215 00:05:07,274 --> 00:05:08,818 AND, YOU KNOW, I KNOW THAT IF DAVEY... DANNY, THEY'RE GETTING READY 216 00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:09,686 DAVEY... DANNY, THEY'RE GETTING READY TO RUN THE FILM. 217 00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:11,187 DANNY, THEY'RE GETTING READY TO RUN THE FILM. OKAY, I THINK THEY'RE READY 218 00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:12,722 TO RUN THE FILM. OKAY, I THINK THEY'RE READY TO ROLL THAT OBITUARY FILM, THE 219 00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:13,923 OKAY, I THINK THEY'RE READY TO ROLL THAT OBITUARY FILM, THE STANDARD OBITUARY FILM. 220 00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:15,292 TO ROLL THAT OBITUARY FILM, THE STANDARD OBITUARY FILM. READY TO ROLL THE FILM NOW? 221 00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:15,759 STANDARD OBITUARY FILM. READY TO ROLL THE FILM NOW? NO. 222 00:05:15,783 --> 00:05:16,893 READY TO ROLL THE FILM NOW? NO. OKAY, FINE. 223 00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:19,028 NO. OKAY, FINE. GILDA RADNER, YOU KNEW DAVEY AS 224 00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:20,630 OKAY, FINE. GILDA RADNER, YOU KNEW DAVEY AS WELL AS ANY ONE OF THE 225 00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,365 GILDA RADNER, YOU KNEW DAVEY AS WELL AS ANY ONE OF THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME 226 00:05:22,389 --> 00:05:22,932 WELL AS ANY ONE OF THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME PLAYERS. 227 00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:23,900 NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME PLAYERS. UH, YES, I DID. 228 00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:24,967 PLAYERS. UH, YES, I DID. HE REMINDED ME OF MY 229 00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:25,702 UH, YES, I DID. HE REMINDED ME OF MY GRANDFATHER. 230 00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:26,436 HE REMINDED ME OF MY GRANDFATHER. OH, YEAH? 231 00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:27,937 GRANDFATHER. OH, YEAH? WHAT DOES YOUR GRANDFATHER DO? 232 00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:28,638 OH, YEAH? WHAT DOES YOUR GRANDFATHER DO? HE DIED. 233 00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,139 WHAT DOES YOUR GRANDFATHER DO? HE DIED. WHAT DID HE DO BEFORE THAT? 234 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,207 HE DIED. WHAT DID HE DO BEFORE THAT? HE WAS REAL SICK. 235 00:05:31,231 --> 00:05:32,442 WHAT DID HE DO BEFORE THAT? HE WAS REAL SICK. AND, UH, BEFORE THAT? 236 00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:33,710 HE WAS REAL SICK. AND, UH, BEFORE THAT? WELL, HE HAD A LOT OF 237 00:05:33,734 --> 00:05:34,344 AND, UH, BEFORE THAT? WELL, HE HAD A LOT OF HEADACHES. 238 00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:35,645 WELL, HE HAD A LOT OF HEADACHES. HOW ABOUT BEFORE THAT? 239 00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:36,746 HEADACHES. HOW ABOUT BEFORE THAT? HE USED TO YELL AT MY 240 00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:37,580 HOW ABOUT BEFORE THAT? HE USED TO YELL AT MY GRANDMOTHER. 241 00:05:37,604 --> 00:05:39,382 HE USED TO YELL AT MY GRANDMOTHER. OKAY, THANK YOU, GILDA, THANK 242 00:05:39,406 --> 00:05:39,816 GRANDMOTHER. OKAY, THANK YOU, GILDA, THANK YOU. 243 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,551 OKAY, THANK YOU, GILDA, THANK YOU. YOU KNOW, THERE'S AN OLD SAYING 244 00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:43,320 YOU. YOU KNOW, THERE'S AN OLD SAYING THAT, WELL, "YOU CAN TELL A LOT 245 00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:45,755 YOU KNOW, THERE'S AN OLD SAYING THAT, WELL, "YOU CAN TELL A LOT ABOUT A MAN FROM THE... CONTENTS 246 00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:47,123 THAT, WELL, "YOU CAN TELL A LOT ABOUT A MAN FROM THE... CONTENTS OF HIS WALLET." 247 00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:51,227 ABOUT A MAN FROM THE... CONTENTS OF HIS WALLET." LET'S SEE, UH, DAVEY WAS, UH, 248 00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:52,261 OF HIS WALLET." LET'S SEE, UH, DAVEY WAS, UH, LET'S SEE. 249 00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:54,698 LET'S SEE, UH, DAVEY WAS, UH, LET'S SEE. OUR DIRECTOR, DAVEY WILSON, WAS 250 00:05:54,722 --> 00:05:56,999 LET'S SEE. OUR DIRECTOR, DAVEY WILSON, WAS A MEMBER OF THE DINER'S CLUB. 251 00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:57,734 OUR DIRECTOR, DAVEY WILSON, WAS A MEMBER OF THE DINER'S CLUB. AND... 252 00:05:57,758 --> 00:05:58,702 A MEMBER OF THE DINER'S CLUB. AND... THE FILM? 253 00:05:58,726 --> 00:05:59,836 AND... THE FILM? THE FILM IS UP! 254 00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:00,937 THE FILM? THE FILM IS UP! THE FILM IS ON. 255 00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:02,104 THE FILM IS UP! THE FILM IS ON. THE NBC OBITUARY... 256 00:06:02,128 --> 00:06:03,206 THE FILM IS ON. THE NBC OBITUARY... NO, IT STOPPED. 257 00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:05,074 THE NBC OBITUARY... NO, IT STOPPED. NO, THE FILM ON DAVEY WILSON, 258 00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:06,843 NO, IT STOPPED. NO, THE FILM ON DAVEY WILSON, OUR LATE DIRECTOR, OUR VERY 259 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,578 NO, THE FILM ON DAVEY WILSON, OUR LATE DIRECTOR, OUR VERY RECENTLY DECEASED DIRECTOR, 260 00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:10,513 OUR LATE DIRECTOR, OUR VERY RECENTLY DECEASED DIRECTOR, DAVEY WILSON... THE STANDARD NBC 261 00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:14,183 RECENTLY DECEASED DIRECTOR, DAVEY WILSON... THE STANDARD NBC OBITUARY FILM. 262 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:15,885 DAVEY WILSON... THE STANDARD NBC OBITUARY FILM. NOT ON. IT'S NOT ON. 263 00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:18,788 OBITUARY FILM. NOT ON. IT'S NOT ON. AH, THERE IT IS! 264 00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:20,457 NOT ON. IT'S NOT ON. AH, THERE IT IS! Announcer: DAVEY WILSON, 265 00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:22,024 AH, THERE IT IS! Announcer: DAVEY WILSON, WINNER OF A 1976 EMMY FOR 266 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:23,860 Announcer: DAVEY WILSON, WINNER OF A 1976 EMMY FOR DIRECTING THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" 267 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:24,361 WINNER OF A 1976 EMMY FOR DIRECTING THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW. 268 00:06:24,385 --> 00:06:26,062 DIRECTING THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW. HIS UNTIMELY DEATH BROUGHT TO 269 00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:27,731 SHOW. HIS UNTIMELY DEATH BROUGHT TO AN END A CAREER OF DIRECTING 270 00:06:27,755 --> 00:06:29,566 HIS UNTIMELY DEATH BROUGHT TO AN END A CAREER OF DIRECTING THAT STRETCHED OVER 20 YEARS AND 271 00:06:29,590 --> 00:06:31,868 AN END A CAREER OF DIRECTING THAT STRETCHED OVER 20 YEARS AND INCLUDED SUCH HITS AS 272 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,770 THAT STRETCHED OVER 20 YEARS AND INCLUDED SUCH HITS AS "THE PAUL WEESNER STORY"... 273 00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:38,475 INCLUDED SUCH HITS AS "THE PAUL WEESNER STORY"... "MAMBO MACAMBO"... 274 00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:42,645 "THE PAUL WEESNER STORY"... "MAMBO MACAMBO"... "ANIMAL FUN"... 275 00:06:42,669 --> 00:06:47,049 "MAMBO MACAMBO"... "ANIMAL FUN"... "HATS OFF, ENSIGN O'ROURKE"... 276 00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:49,875 "ANIMAL FUN"... "HATS OFF, ENSIGN O'ROURKE"... AND "CINCINNATI MIDDAY." 277 00:06:56,048 --> 00:07:00,897 UM, DANNY, DANNY? YEAH? WE'RE ON. WE'RE ON. 278 00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:02,799 YEAH? WE'RE ON. WE'RE ON. OKAY. ALL RIGHT. 279 00:07:02,823 --> 00:07:05,101 WE'RE ON. WE'RE ON. OKAY. ALL RIGHT. NO, YOU CAN'T TAKE HIS MONEY. 280 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:07,303 OKAY. ALL RIGHT. NO, YOU CAN'T TAKE HIS MONEY. WE FOUND A CARD HERE, A 281 00:07:07,327 --> 00:07:08,237 NO, YOU CAN'T TAKE HIS MONEY. WE FOUND A CARD HERE, A MEDIC ALERT CARD. 282 00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:09,572 WE FOUND A CARD HERE, A MEDIC ALERT CARD. A MEDIC ALERT CARD HAS BEEN 283 00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:10,039 MEDIC ALERT CARD. A MEDIC ALERT CARD HAS BEEN FOUND. 284 00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:10,973 A MEDIC ALERT CARD HAS BEEN FOUND. COULD SOMEBODY... 285 00:07:10,997 --> 00:07:12,341 FOUND. COULD SOMEBODY... A MEDIC ALERT CARD HAS BEEN 286 00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:12,809 COULD SOMEBODY... A MEDIC ALERT CARD HAS BEEN FOUND. 287 00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:14,277 A MEDIC ALERT CARD HAS BEEN FOUND. IT SAYS, "IN THE EVENT OF LOSS 288 00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:15,678 FOUND. IT SAYS, "IN THE EVENT OF LOSS OF CONSCIOUSNESS, SAY, "LIVE 289 00:07:15,702 --> 00:07:16,679 IT SAYS, "IN THE EVENT OF LOSS OF CONSCIOUSNESS, SAY, "LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S 290 00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:18,180 OF CONSCIOUSNESS, SAY, "LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY NIGHT.'" 291 00:07:18,204 --> 00:07:20,617 FROM NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY NIGHT.'" All: LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S 292 00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:22,051 'SATURDAY NIGHT.'" All: LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"! 293 00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:22,819 All: LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"! AAH! 294 00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:23,520 "SATURDAY NIGHT"! AAH! AH! 295 00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:25,622 AAH! AH! TAPE ROLL! 296 00:07:25,646 --> 00:07:27,345 AH! TAPE ROLL! [BAND PLAYS] 297 00:07:39,525 --> 00:07:47,525 Announcer: NBC's "SATURDAY NIGHT." STARRING... 298 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:57,576 WITH HER SPECIAL GUEST... 299 00:08:09,088 --> 00:08:10,388 AND... 300 00:08:28,608 --> 00:08:32,611 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, SISSY SPACEK! 301 00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:53,710 THANK YOU, THANK YOU. IT'S REALLY GREAT TO BE HERE TONIGHT. 302 00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:55,712 IT'S REALLY GREAT TO BE HERE TONIGHT. GOD, I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT. 303 00:08:55,736 --> 00:08:57,714 TONIGHT. GOD, I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT. I COME FROM A REALLY SMALL TOWN 304 00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:59,315 GOD, I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT. I COME FROM A REALLY SMALL TOWN IN TEXAS CALLED QUITMAN. 305 00:08:59,339 --> 00:09:02,451 I COME FROM A REALLY SMALL TOWN IN TEXAS CALLED QUITMAN. POPULATION... 1,237. 306 00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:03,820 IN TEXAS CALLED QUITMAN. POPULATION... 1,237. OH, AND MY BACKGROUND DIDN'T 307 00:09:03,844 --> 00:09:05,121 POPULATION... 1,237. OH, AND MY BACKGROUND DIDN'T PREPARE ME FOR A NIGHT LIKE 308 00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:05,855 OH, AND MY BACKGROUND DIDN'T PREPARE ME FOR A NIGHT LIKE THIS. 309 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,790 PREPARE ME FOR A NIGHT LIKE THIS. THESE PAST FEW MONTHS HAVE BEEN 310 00:09:07,814 --> 00:09:09,759 THIS. THESE PAST FEW MONTHS HAVE BEEN INCREDIBLE. 311 00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:12,495 THESE PAST FEW MONTHS HAVE BEEN INCREDIBLE. I'M DOING MY FIRST LIVE TV SHOW. 312 00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:14,898 INCREDIBLE. I'M DOING MY FIRST LIVE TV SHOW. I GOT TO BE ON THE COVER OF 313 00:09:14,922 --> 00:09:15,965 I'M DOING MY FIRST LIVE TV SHOW. I GOT TO BE ON THE COVER OF NEWSWEEK MAGAZINE. 314 00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,600 I GOT TO BE ON THE COVER OF NEWSWEEK MAGAZINE. AND I'VE BEEN NOMINATED FOR AN 315 00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:19,335 NEWSWEEK MAGAZINE. AND I'VE BEEN NOMINATED FOR AN ACADEMY AWARD FOR MY WORK IN THE 316 00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:20,970 AND I'VE BEEN NOMINATED FOR AN ACADEMY AWARD FOR MY WORK IN THE FILM "CARRIE." 317 00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:23,234 ACADEMY AWARD FOR MY WORK IN THE FILM "CARRIE." [APPLAUSE] 318 00:09:25,464 --> 00:09:31,714 THANK YOU. WHEN I FOUND OUT ABOUT THE NOMINATION, I CALLED THE ACADEMY 319 00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:33,516 WHEN I FOUND OUT ABOUT THE NOMINATION, I CALLED THE ACADEMY TO BE SURE THERE HADN'T BEEN A 320 00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:35,484 NOMINATION, I CALLED THE ACADEMY TO BE SURE THERE HADN'T BEEN A MISTAKE, AND THEY SAID, NO, 321 00:09:35,508 --> 00:09:37,554 TO BE SURE THERE HADN'T BEEN A MISTAKE, AND THEY SAID, NO, THERE HADN'T BEEN A MISTAKE. 322 00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:39,522 MISTAKE, AND THEY SAID, NO, THERE HADN'T BEEN A MISTAKE. AND THE OTHER NOMINEES WERE 323 00:09:39,546 --> 00:09:40,523 THERE HADN'T BEEN A MISTAKE. AND THE OTHER NOMINEES WERE LIV ULLMANN, 324 00:09:40,547 --> 00:09:42,625 AND THE OTHER NOMINEES WERE LIV ULLMANN, MARIE-CHRISTINE BARRAULT, 325 00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:45,227 LIV ULLMANN, MARIE-CHRISTINE BARRAULT, TALIA SHIRE, AND FAYE DUNAWAY. 326 00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:47,764 MARIE-CHRISTINE BARRAULT, TALIA SHIRE, AND FAYE DUNAWAY. AND I SAID, "IF I COME, CAN I 327 00:09:47,788 --> 00:09:49,766 TALIA SHIRE, AND FAYE DUNAWAY. AND I SAID, "IF I COME, CAN I KEEP THE PROGRAM?" 328 00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:52,835 AND I SAID, "IF I COME, CAN I KEEP THE PROGRAM?" BUT I DO HAVE A LITTLE SPEECH. 329 00:09:52,859 --> 00:09:54,737 KEEP THE PROGRAM?" BUT I DO HAVE A LITTLE SPEECH. AND WITH THINGS BEING THE WAY 330 00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:56,539 BUT I DO HAVE A LITTLE SPEECH. AND WITH THINGS BEING THE WAY THEY ARE, I MIGHT NOT GET A 331 00:09:56,563 --> 00:09:58,441 AND WITH THINGS BEING THE WAY THEY ARE, I MIGHT NOT GET A CHANCE TO DELIVER IT ON OSCAR 332 00:09:58,465 --> 00:10:01,243 THEY ARE, I MIGHT NOT GET A CHANCE TO DELIVER IT ON OSCAR NIGHT, SO... I WANT TO THANK MY 333 00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:04,346 CHANCE TO DELIVER IT ON OSCAR NIGHT, SO... I WANT TO THANK MY MOTHER, MY FATHER, MY BROTHER, 334 00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:06,583 NIGHT, SO... I WANT TO THANK MY MOTHER, MY FATHER, MY BROTHER, ED, MY HUSBAND, JACK, MY 335 00:10:06,607 --> 00:10:08,517 MOTHER, MY FATHER, MY BROTHER, ED, MY HUSBAND, JACK, MY DIRECTOR, BRIAN DE PALMA, MY 336 00:10:08,541 --> 00:10:10,519 ED, MY HUSBAND, JACK, MY DIRECTOR, BRIAN DE PALMA, MY YOGA TEACHER, MY DENTIST, AND 337 00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:12,589 DIRECTOR, BRIAN DE PALMA, MY YOGA TEACHER, MY DENTIST, AND EVERYONE ELSE WHO HELPED ME ON 338 00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:15,558 YOGA TEACHER, MY DENTIST, AND EVERYONE ELSE WHO HELPED ME ON MY SHORT CLIMB TO THE TOP. 339 00:10:15,582 --> 00:10:17,060 EVERYONE ELSE WHO HELPED ME ON MY SHORT CLIMB TO THE TOP. OH, AND BEFORE I FORGET, I 340 00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:18,595 MY SHORT CLIMB TO THE TOP. OH, AND BEFORE I FORGET, I WANT TO SAY TO THE ACADEMY 341 00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:20,396 OH, AND BEFORE I FORGET, I WANT TO SAY TO THE ACADEMY MEMBERS... NOT TO INFLUENCE YOUR 342 00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:22,531 WANT TO SAY TO THE ACADEMY MEMBERS... NOT TO INFLUENCE YOUR VOTE OR ANYTHING, BUT WHEN THE 343 00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:25,401 MEMBERS... NOT TO INFLUENCE YOUR VOTE OR ANYTHING, BUT WHEN THE BALLOTS GO OUT ON MONDAY... 344 00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:28,771 VOTE OR ANYTHING, BUT WHEN THE BALLOTS GO OUT ON MONDAY... JUST REMEMBER, MY BEST SCENE WAS 345 00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:31,207 BALLOTS GO OUT ON MONDAY... JUST REMEMBER, MY BEST SCENE WAS CUT FROM "CARRIE." 346 00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:34,978 JUST REMEMBER, MY BEST SCENE WAS CUT FROM "CARRIE." AND I'D LIKE TO, IF I CAN, 347 00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:37,513 CUT FROM "CARRIE." AND I'D LIKE TO, IF I CAN, RE-CREATE THAT SCENE FOR YOU NOW 348 00:10:37,537 --> 00:10:39,916 AND I'D LIKE TO, IF I CAN, RE-CREATE THAT SCENE FOR YOU NOW TO GIVE YOU MORE OF AN IDEA OF 349 00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:43,419 RE-CREATE THAT SCENE FOR YOU NOW TO GIVE YOU MORE OF AN IDEA OF MY FULL TALENT. 350 00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:45,822 TO GIVE YOU MORE OF AN IDEA OF MY FULL TALENT. IT'S THE DAY AFTER THE PROM. 351 00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:47,423 MY FULL TALENT. IT'S THE DAY AFTER THE PROM. [MUSIC PLAYS] 352 00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:50,026 IT'S THE DAY AFTER THE PROM. [MUSIC PLAYS] MOST OF THE KIDS AREN'T AROUND 353 00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:52,061 [MUSIC PLAYS] MOST OF THE KIDS AREN'T AROUND ANYMORE. 354 00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:55,498 MOST OF THE KIDS AREN'T AROUND ANYMORE. I'M ALONE ON A FIELD, A FOOTBALL 355 00:10:55,522 --> 00:10:56,733 ANYMORE. I'M ALONE ON A FIELD, A FOOTBALL FIELD. 356 00:10:56,757 --> 00:11:00,837 I'M ALONE ON A FIELD, A FOOTBALL FIELD. IT'S THE DAY OF THE BIG GAME. 357 00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:04,907 FIELD. IT'S THE DAY OF THE BIG GAME. AND I'VE ELECTED MYSELF... 358 00:11:04,931 --> 00:11:07,844 IT'S THE DAY OF THE BIG GAME. AND I'VE ELECTED MYSELF... OOPS! 359 00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:09,078 AND I'VE ELECTED MYSELF... OOPS! BATON QUEEN! 360 00:11:09,102 --> 00:11:10,980 OOPS! BATON QUEEN! [WHISTLE BLOWS] 361 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:13,044 BATON QUEEN! [WHISTLE BLOWS] [MARCHING BAND PLAYS] 362 00:11:19,979 --> 00:11:22,480 [RHYTHMIC CLAPPING] 363 00:11:40,399 --> 00:11:43,568 [MUSIC ENDS] WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK! 364 00:11:53,112 --> 00:11:56,325 All: ♪ HMM ♪ ♪ HOLD THE LETTUCE, HOLD THE CHEESES ♪ 365 00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:57,259 ♪ HOLD THE LETTUCE, HOLD THE CHEESES ♪ ♪ SPECIAL ORDERS 366 00:11:57,283 --> 00:11:58,494 HOLD THE CHEESES ♪ ♪ SPECIAL ORDERS DON'T DISPLEASE US ♪ 367 00:11:58,518 --> 00:11:59,361 ♪ SPECIAL ORDERS DON'T DISPLEASE US ♪ I'D LIKE A BURGER, 368 00:11:59,385 --> 00:11:59,929 DON'T DISPLEASE US ♪ I'D LIKE A BURGER, MEDIUM-RARE. 369 00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:01,130 I'D LIKE A BURGER, MEDIUM-RARE. COULD YOU PUT GRILLED ONIONS ON 370 00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:02,031 MEDIUM-RARE. COULD YOU PUT GRILLED ONIONS ON THAT BUT NO PICKLES? 371 00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:02,999 COULD YOU PUT GRILLED ONIONS ON THAT BUT NO PICKLES? AND IF IT'S NOT TOO MUCH 372 00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:04,200 THAT BUT NO PICKLES? AND IF IT'S NOT TOO MUCH TROUBLE, WOULD YOU MIND POURING 373 00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,169 AND IF IT'S NOT TOO MUCH TROUBLE, WOULD YOU MIND POURING SOME COLOMBIAN FROG BLOOD 374 00:12:06,193 --> 00:12:07,670 TROUBLE, WOULD YOU MIND POURING SOME COLOMBIAN FROG BLOOD ALL OVER IT, PLEASE? 375 00:12:07,694 --> 00:12:12,274 SOME COLOMBIAN FROG BLOOD ALL OVER IT, PLEASE? NO TROUBLE AT ALL! 376 00:12:12,298 --> 00:12:14,510 ALL OVER IT, PLEASE? NO TROUBLE AT ALL! [SHRIEKING] 377 00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:15,611 NO TROUBLE AT ALL! [SHRIEKING] ♪ HMM ♪ 378 00:12:15,635 --> 00:12:16,913 [SHRIEKING] ♪ HMM ♪ All: ♪ BURGERS ANY WAY 379 00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:17,580 ♪ HMM ♪ All: ♪ BURGERS ANY WAY YOU WANT 'EM ♪ 380 00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:18,314 All: ♪ BURGERS ANY WAY YOU WANT 'EM ♪ ♪ YOU TELL US 381 00:12:18,338 --> 00:12:19,648 YOU WANT 'EM ♪ ♪ YOU TELL US WHAT'S OFF OR ON 'EM ♪ 382 00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:20,883 ♪ YOU TELL US WHAT'S OFF OR ON 'EM ♪ HI, I'D LIKE A BURGER, 383 00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:22,318 WHAT'S OFF OR ON 'EM ♪ HI, I'D LIKE A BURGER, WELL-DONE, PUT A LITTLE RELISH 384 00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:23,452 HI, I'D LIKE A BURGER, WELL-DONE, PUT A LITTLE RELISH ON IT, SOME COLD-WATER 385 00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:24,887 WELL-DONE, PUT A LITTLE RELISH ON IT, SOME COLD-WATER DETERGENT, AND IF IT'S NOT TOO 386 00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,255 ON IT, SOME COLD-WATER DETERGENT, AND IF IT'S NOT TOO MUCH OF A PROBLEM, WOULD YOU 387 00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:27,656 DETERGENT, AND IF IT'S NOT TOO MUCH OF A PROBLEM, WOULD YOU MIND BLOWING YOUR NOSE ON THE 388 00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:30,626 MUCH OF A PROBLEM, WOULD YOU MIND BLOWING YOUR NOSE ON THE BUN? 389 00:12:30,650 --> 00:12:33,329 MIND BLOWING YOUR NOSE ON THE BUN? COMIN' UP! 390 00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:36,632 BUN? COMIN' UP! [BLOWS NOSE LOUDLY] 391 00:12:36,656 --> 00:12:37,666 COMIN' UP! [BLOWS NOSE LOUDLY] ♪ HMM ♪ 392 00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:38,500 [BLOWS NOSE LOUDLY] ♪ HMM ♪ All: ♪ DRIVE THROUGH 393 00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:39,769 ♪ HMM ♪ All: ♪ DRIVE THROUGH BURGER MASTER AND SEE ♪ 394 00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:40,536 All: ♪ DRIVE THROUGH BURGER MASTER AND SEE ♪ ♪ BURGERS PLAIN 395 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:41,604 BURGER MASTER AND SEE ♪ ♪ BURGERS PLAIN AND BURGERS FANCY ♪ 396 00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:43,339 ♪ BURGERS PLAIN AND BURGERS FANCY ♪ HEY, I'D LIKE A BURGER. 397 00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:44,974 AND BURGERS FANCY ♪ HEY, I'D LIKE A BURGER. HEY, ANYTHING ON THAT? 398 00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:48,211 HEY, I'D LIKE A BURGER. HEY, ANYTHING ON THAT? WHY, YES... A USED HAIRNET, 399 00:12:48,235 --> 00:12:49,779 HEY, ANYTHING ON THAT? WHY, YES... A USED HAIRNET, MOTH CRYSTALS, OLD RADIO PARTS, 400 00:12:49,803 --> 00:12:51,247 WHY, YES... A USED HAIRNET, MOTH CRYSTALS, OLD RADIO PARTS, CONFETTI, COLE SLAW, A CATNIP 401 00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,749 MOTH CRYSTALS, OLD RADIO PARTS, CONFETTI, COLE SLAW, A CATNIP MOUSE, AND THE ENTIRE CONTENTS 402 00:12:52,773 --> 00:12:53,682 CONFETTI, COLE SLAW, A CATNIP MOUSE, AND THE ENTIRE CONTENTS OF A LAVA LAMP. 403 00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:54,784 MOUSE, AND THE ENTIRE CONTENTS OF A LAVA LAMP. YOU'RE THE BOSS! 404 00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:55,985 OF A LAVA LAMP. YOU'RE THE BOSS! Announcer: YES, AT 405 00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:57,653 YOU'RE THE BOSS! Announcer: YES, AT BURGER MASTER, YOU'RE THE BOSS. 406 00:12:57,677 --> 00:12:59,321 Announcer: YES, AT BURGER MASTER, YOU'RE THE BOSS. BURGERS THE WAY YOU LIKE 'EM AT 407 00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:00,923 BURGER MASTER, YOU'RE THE BOSS. BURGERS THE WAY YOU LIKE 'EM AT PRICES THAT'LL MAKE YOU WONDER 408 00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,191 BURGERS THE WAY YOU LIKE 'EM AT PRICES THAT'LL MAKE YOU WONDER WHERE WE GET OUR MEAT. 409 00:13:02,215 --> 00:13:03,525 PRICES THAT'LL MAKE YOU WONDER WHERE WE GET OUR MEAT. SO, WHY NOT DROP DOWN TO 410 00:13:03,549 --> 00:13:05,795 WHERE WE GET OUR MEAT. SO, WHY NOT DROP DOWN TO BURGER MASTER TODAY? 411 00:13:05,819 --> 00:13:07,830 SO, WHY NOT DROP DOWN TO BURGER MASTER TODAY? OH, RIGHT. 412 00:13:07,854 --> 00:13:09,498 BURGER MASTER TODAY? OH, RIGHT. HERE THEY ARE, SIR... 50 413 00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:11,367 OH, RIGHT. HERE THEY ARE, SIR... 50 BURGERS, EACH PREPARED IN THEIR 414 00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:12,468 HERE THEY ARE, SIR... 50 BURGERS, EACH PREPARED IN THEIR OWN SPECIAL WAY. 415 00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:13,870 BURGERS, EACH PREPARED IN THEIR OWN SPECIAL WAY. OH, ONE MORE THING. 416 00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:14,971 OWN SPECIAL WAY. OH, ONE MORE THING. WOULD YOU MIND JUMPING UP AND 417 00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:15,972 OH, ONE MORE THING. WOULD YOU MIND JUMPING UP AND DOWN ON THEM UNTIL THEY'RE 418 00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:17,106 WOULD YOU MIND JUMPING UP AND DOWN ON THEM UNTIL THEY'RE MASHED INTO A DISGUSTING PULP? 419 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,741 DOWN ON THEM UNTIL THEY'RE MASHED INTO A DISGUSTING PULP? NO TROUBLE AT ALL! 420 00:13:18,765 --> 00:13:20,509 MASHED INTO A DISGUSTING PULP? NO TROUBLE AT ALL! All: ♪ AT BURGER MASTER, YOU 421 00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:21,978 NO TROUBLE AT ALL! All: ♪ AT BURGER MASTER, YOU ARE THE BOSS ♪ 422 00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:24,147 All: ♪ AT BURGER MASTER, YOU ARE THE BOSS ♪ ♪ AT BURGER MASTER, YOU ARE THE 423 00:13:24,171 --> 00:13:25,014 ARE THE BOSS ♪ ♪ AT BURGER MASTER, YOU ARE THE BOSS ♪ 424 00:13:25,038 --> 00:13:27,416 ♪ AT BURGER MASTER, YOU ARE THE BOSS ♪ ♪ AT BURGER MASTER, YOU ARE THE 425 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:28,184 BOSS ♪ ♪ AT BURGER MASTER, YOU ARE THE BOSS ♪ 426 00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:30,586 ♪ AT BURGER MASTER, YOU ARE THE BOSS ♪ ♪ AT BURGER MASTER, YOU ARE THE 427 00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:34,356 BOSS ♪ ♪ AT BURGER MASTER, YOU ARE THE BOSS ♪ 428 00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:36,340 ♪ AT BURGER MASTER, YOU ARE THE BOSS ♪ [BAND PLAYS] 429 00:13:48,393 --> 00:13:52,141 Announcer: AND NOW, LIVE FROM THE WHITE HOUSE, "ASK PRESIDENT CARTER." 430 00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:53,976 THE WHITE HOUSE, "ASK PRESIDENT CARTER." [As Walter Cronkite] 431 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,945 "ASK PRESIDENT CARTER." [As Walter Cronkite] GOOD EVENING AND WELCOME TO 432 00:13:55,969 --> 00:13:58,247 [As Walter Cronkite] GOOD EVENING AND WELCOME TO NUMBER 10 IN THE CBS RADIO 433 00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:00,449 GOOD EVENING AND WELCOME TO NUMBER 10 IN THE CBS RADIO SERIES "ASK PRESIDENT CARTER," A 434 00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:02,185 NUMBER 10 IN THE CBS RADIO SERIES "ASK PRESIDENT CARTER," A CONTINUING EXPERIMENT IN 435 00:14:02,209 --> 00:14:04,320 SERIES "ASK PRESIDENT CARTER," A CONTINUING EXPERIMENT IN PRESIDENTIAL COMMUNICATION WITH 436 00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:05,822 CONTINUING EXPERIMENT IN PRESIDENTIAL COMMUNICATION WITH THE AMERICAN PEOPLE. 437 00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:07,857 PRESIDENTIAL COMMUNICATION WITH THE AMERICAN PEOPLE. MR. PRESIDENT, OUR FIRST CALL 438 00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:09,125 THE AMERICAN PEOPLE. MR. PRESIDENT, OUR FIRST CALL THIS WEEK COMES FROM 439 00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:10,759 MR. PRESIDENT, OUR FIRST CALL THIS WEEK COMES FROM MRS. EDWARD HOBRET, OR MAYBE 440 00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:11,694 THIS WEEK COMES FROM MRS. EDWARD HOBRET, OR MAYBE IT'S HOBREET. 441 00:14:11,718 --> 00:14:13,395 MRS. EDWARD HOBRET, OR MAYBE IT'S HOBREET. [Echoing] THAT'S HORBET! 442 00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:15,097 IT'S HOBREET. [Echoing] THAT'S HORBET! MRS. EDWARD HORBET, EXCUSE 443 00:14:15,121 --> 00:14:16,765 [Echoing] THAT'S HORBET! MRS. EDWARD HORBET, EXCUSE ME, OF KANSAS. 444 00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:18,201 MRS. EDWARD HORBET, EXCUSE ME, OF KANSAS. HELLO, MRS. HORBET. 445 00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:19,702 ME, OF KANSAS. HELLO, MRS. HORBET. HELLO, MR. PRESIDENT. 446 00:14:19,726 --> 00:14:20,903 HELLO, MRS. HORBET. HELLO, MR. PRESIDENT. HOW ARE YOU TODAY? 447 00:14:20,927 --> 00:14:21,838 HELLO, MR. PRESIDENT. HOW ARE YOU TODAY? VERY FINE. 448 00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:23,739 HOW ARE YOU TODAY? VERY FINE. COULD YOU TURN YOUR RADIO DOWN, 449 00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:24,340 VERY FINE. COULD YOU TURN YOUR RADIO DOWN, PLEASE? 450 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:25,141 COULD YOU TURN YOUR RADIO DOWN, PLEASE? OH, YES. 451 00:14:25,165 --> 00:14:26,876 PLEASE? OH, YES. MRS. HOBERTH, DO YOU HAVE A 452 00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:28,477 OH, YES. MRS. HOBERTH, DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION FOR THE PRESIDENT? 453 00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:30,279 MRS. HOBERTH, DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION FOR THE PRESIDENT? YES, SIR, I'M AN EMPLOYEE OF 454 00:14:30,303 --> 00:14:31,814 QUESTION FOR THE PRESIDENT? YES, SIR, I'M AN EMPLOYEE OF THE U.S. POSTAL SERVICE IN 455 00:14:31,838 --> 00:14:32,414 YES, SIR, I'M AN EMPLOYEE OF THE U.S. POSTAL SERVICE IN KANSAS. 456 00:14:32,438 --> 00:14:34,050 THE U.S. POSTAL SERVICE IN KANSAS. LAST YEAR, THEY INSTALLED AN 457 00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:35,918 KANSAS. LAST YEAR, THEY INSTALLED AN AUTOMATED LETTER-SORTING SYSTEM 458 00:14:35,942 --> 00:14:37,653 LAST YEAR, THEY INSTALLED AN AUTOMATED LETTER-SORTING SYSTEM CALLED THE MARVEX 3000 HERE IN 459 00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:38,321 AUTOMATED LETTER-SORTING SYSTEM CALLED THE MARVEX 3000 HERE IN OUR BRANCH. 460 00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:38,787 CALLED THE MARVEX 3000 HERE IN OUR BRANCH. YES. 461 00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:40,223 OUR BRANCH. YES. BUT THE SYSTEM DOESN'T WORK 462 00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:40,789 YES. BUT THE SYSTEM DOESN'T WORK TOO GOOD. 463 00:14:40,813 --> 00:14:42,291 BUT THE SYSTEM DOESN'T WORK TOO GOOD. LETTERS KEEP GETTING CLOGGED IN 464 00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:43,659 TOO GOOD. LETTERS KEEP GETTING CLOGGED IN THE FIRST-LEVEL SORTING GRID. 465 00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:45,061 LETTERS KEEP GETTING CLOGGED IN THE FIRST-LEVEL SORTING GRID. IS THERE ANYTHING THAT CAN BE 466 00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:47,129 THE FIRST-LEVEL SORTING GRID. IS THERE ANYTHING THAT CAN BE DONE ABOUT THIS? 467 00:14:47,153 --> 00:14:48,297 IS THERE ANYTHING THAT CAN BE DONE ABOUT THIS? WELL, MRS. HORBET, VICE 468 00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:49,531 DONE ABOUT THIS? WELL, MRS. HORBET, VICE PRESIDENT MONDALE AND MYSELF 469 00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:50,733 WELL, MRS. HORBET, VICE PRESIDENT MONDALE AND MYSELF WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT THE 470 00:14:50,757 --> 00:14:52,068 PRESIDENT MONDALE AND MYSELF WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT THE MARVEX 3000 THIS MORNING, AS A 471 00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:52,835 WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT THE MARVEX 3000 THIS MORNING, AS A MATTER OF FACT. 472 00:14:52,859 --> 00:14:53,870 MARVEX 3000 THIS MORNING, AS A MATTER OF FACT. I DO HAVE A SUGGESTION. 473 00:14:53,894 --> 00:14:55,271 MATTER OF FACT. I DO HAVE A SUGGESTION. YOU KNOW THE CALIPER POST ON THE 474 00:14:55,295 --> 00:14:56,605 I DO HAVE A SUGGESTION. YOU KNOW THE CALIPER POST ON THE FIRST GRID'S SLIDING ARMATURE? 475 00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:57,806 YOU KNOW THE CALIPER POST ON THE FIRST GRID'S SLIDING ARMATURE? OKAY, THERE'S A THREE-DIGIT 476 00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,208 FIRST GRID'S SLIDING ARMATURE? OKAY, THERE'S A THREE-DIGIT SETTING THERE WHERE THE POST AND 477 00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:00,076 OKAY, THERE'S A THREE-DIGIT SETTING THERE WHERE THE POST AND THE ARMATURE MEET. 478 00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:01,377 SETTING THERE WHERE THE POST AND THE ARMATURE MEET. WHEN THE SYSTEM WAS INSTALLED, 479 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:02,778 THE ARMATURE MEET. WHEN THE SYSTEM WAS INSTALLED, THE ANGLE OF CROSS-SLIDE WAS PUT 480 00:15:02,802 --> 00:15:04,347 WHEN THE SYSTEM WAS INSTALLED, THE ANGLE OF CROSS-SLIDE WAS PUT AT A MAXIMUM SETTING OF 1. 481 00:15:04,371 --> 00:15:06,115 THE ANGLE OF CROSS-SLIDE WAS PUT AT A MAXIMUM SETTING OF 1. IF YOU RESET IT AT THE 3 MARK, 482 00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:07,583 AT A MAXIMUM SETTING OF 1. IF YOU RESET IT AT THE 3 MARK, I THINK YOU'LL SOLVE ANY 483 00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:09,051 IF YOU RESET IT AT THE 3 MARK, I THINK YOU'LL SOLVE ANY CLOGGING PROBLEMS IN THE 484 00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:09,685 I THINK YOU'LL SOLVE ANY CLOGGING PROBLEMS IN THE MACHINE. 485 00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:11,420 CLOGGING PROBLEMS IN THE MACHINE. OH! THANKS, MR. PRESIDENT. 486 00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:13,289 MACHINE. OH! THANKS, MR. PRESIDENT. BY THE WAY, I THINK YOU'RE DOING 487 00:15:13,313 --> 00:15:15,724 OH! THANKS, MR. PRESIDENT. BY THE WAY, I THINK YOU'RE DOING A GREAT JOB. 488 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,326 BY THE WAY, I THINK YOU'RE DOING A GREAT JOB. LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN DOING 489 00:15:17,350 --> 00:15:18,827 A GREAT JOB. LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN DOING YOUR HOMEWORK, MR. PRESIDENT. 490 00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:19,962 LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN DOING YOUR HOMEWORK, MR. PRESIDENT. I'D LIKE TO TAKE THIS 491 00:15:19,986 --> 00:15:21,563 YOUR HOMEWORK, MR. PRESIDENT. I'D LIKE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO SAY THAT NONE OF 492 00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:23,099 I'D LIKE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO SAY THAT NONE OF THESE CALLS ARE SCREENED, THAT 493 00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:24,433 OPPORTUNITY TO SAY THAT NONE OF THESE CALLS ARE SCREENED, THAT THE PEOPLE OF AMERICA ARE 494 00:15:24,457 --> 00:15:25,768 THESE CALLS ARE SCREENED, THAT THE PEOPLE OF AMERICA ARE TALKING DIRECTLY WITH THE 495 00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:26,702 THE PEOPLE OF AMERICA ARE TALKING DIRECTLY WITH THE PRESIDENT. 496 00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:28,905 TALKING DIRECTLY WITH THE PRESIDENT. OUR NEXT CALL COMES FROM A MAN 497 00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:31,173 PRESIDENT. OUR NEXT CALL COMES FROM A MAN WHO CALLS HIMSELF DR. MIDNIGHT. 498 00:15:31,197 --> 00:15:32,441 OUR NEXT CALL COMES FROM A MAN WHO CALLS HIMSELF DR. MIDNIGHT. HELLO, DR. MIDNIGHT. 499 00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:34,010 WHO CALLS HIMSELF DR. MIDNIGHT. HELLO, DR. MIDNIGHT. [Shouting] IS ROSELYN 500 00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:35,111 HELLO, DR. MIDNIGHT. [Shouting] IS ROSELYN THERE?! 501 00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:38,180 [Shouting] IS ROSELYN THERE?! I REALLY LIKE HER! 502 00:15:38,204 --> 00:15:39,515 THERE?! I REALLY LIKE HER! ALL RIGHT, SIR, THANK YOU 503 00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:40,616 I REALLY LIKE HER! ALL RIGHT, SIR, THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR CALLING. 504 00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,785 ALL RIGHT, SIR, THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR CALLING. HEY, CRONKITE, YOU STUPID 505 00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:46,255 VERY MUCH FOR CALLING. HEY, CRONKITE, YOU STUPID MOTHER... 506 00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,357 HEY, CRONKITE, YOU STUPID MOTHER... NICE ONE, MR. PRESIDENT. 507 00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:49,058 MOTHER... NICE ONE, MR. PRESIDENT. HA HA. 508 00:15:49,082 --> 00:15:51,227 NICE ONE, MR. PRESIDENT. HA HA. OUR NEXT CALL IS PETER ELTON 509 00:15:51,251 --> 00:15:53,462 HA HA. OUR NEXT CALL IS PETER ELTON OF WESTBURG, OREGON, WHO I AM 510 00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:55,364 OUR NEXT CALL IS PETER ELTON OF WESTBURG, OREGON, WHO I AM TOLD IS 17 YEARS OF AGE. 511 00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:57,199 OF WESTBURG, OREGON, WHO I AM TOLD IS 17 YEARS OF AGE. HELLO? HELLO? 512 00:15:57,223 --> 00:15:59,035 TOLD IS 17 YEARS OF AGE. HELLO? HELLO? HELLO, PETER. 513 00:15:59,059 --> 00:16:00,202 HELLO? HELLO? HELLO, PETER. IS THIS THE PRESIDENT? 514 00:16:00,226 --> 00:16:00,937 HELLO, PETER. IS THIS THE PRESIDENT? YES, IT IS. 515 00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:02,271 IS THIS THE PRESIDENT? YES, IT IS. DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION FOR 516 00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:03,005 YES, IT IS. DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION FOR THE PRESIDENT? 517 00:16:03,029 --> 00:16:07,776 DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION FOR THE PRESIDENT? I, UH, I TOOK SOME ACID. 518 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,345 THE PRESIDENT? I, UH, I TOOK SOME ACID. I'M AFRAID TO LEAVE MY 519 00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:11,414 I, UH, I TOOK SOME ACID. I'M AFRAID TO LEAVE MY APARTMENT, AND I CAN'T WEAR ANY 520 00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:12,148 I'M AFRAID TO LEAVE MY APARTMENT, AND I CAN'T WEAR ANY CLOTHES. 521 00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:14,283 APARTMENT, AND I CAN'T WEAR ANY CLOTHES. AND THE CEILING IS DRIPPING, AND 522 00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:15,017 CLOTHES. AND THE CEILING IS DRIPPING, AND UH, I... 523 00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:17,153 AND THE CEILING IS DRIPPING, AND UH, I... WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR 524 00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:18,187 UH, I... WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR CALLING, SIR. 525 00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:19,255 WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR CALLING, SIR. NO, JUST A MINUTE, WALTER. 526 00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:20,089 CALLING, SIR. NO, JUST A MINUTE, WALTER. THIS GUY'S IN TROUBLE. 527 00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:21,257 NO, JUST A MINUTE, WALTER. THIS GUY'S IN TROUBLE. I THINK I BETTER TRY TO TALK HIM 528 00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:21,590 THIS GUY'S IN TROUBLE. I THINK I BETTER TRY TO TALK HIM DOWN. 529 00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:21,924 I THINK I BETTER TRY TO TALK HIM DOWN. PETER? 530 00:16:21,948 --> 00:16:23,859 DOWN. PETER? YEAH? 531 00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:25,727 PETER? YEAH? PETER, WHAT DID THE ACID LOOK 532 00:16:25,751 --> 00:16:26,228 YEAH? PETER, WHAT DID THE ACID LOOK LIKE? 533 00:16:26,252 --> 00:16:28,030 PETER, WHAT DID THE ACID LOOK LIKE? UM, THEY WERE THESE LITTLE 534 00:16:28,054 --> 00:16:28,931 LIKE? UM, THEY WERE THESE LITTLE ORANGE PILLS. 535 00:16:28,955 --> 00:16:30,566 UM, THEY WERE THESE LITTLE ORANGE PILLS. WERE THEY BARREL-SHAPED? 536 00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:31,367 ORANGE PILLS. WERE THEY BARREL-SHAPED? UH, YES. 537 00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:33,035 WERE THEY BARREL-SHAPED? UH, YES. OKAY, RIGHT, YOU DID SOME 538 00:16:33,059 --> 00:16:36,705 UH, YES. OKAY, RIGHT, YOU DID SOME ORANGE SUNSHINE, PETER. 539 00:16:36,729 --> 00:16:37,974 OKAY, RIGHT, YOU DID SOME ORANGE SUNSHINE, PETER. VERY GOOD OF YOU TO KNOW 540 00:16:37,998 --> 00:16:38,607 ORANGE SUNSHINE, PETER. VERY GOOD OF YOU TO KNOW ABOUT THIS. 541 00:16:38,631 --> 00:16:40,076 VERY GOOD OF YOU TO KNOW ABOUT THIS. HOW LONG AGO DID YOU TAKE IT, 542 00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:40,509 ABOUT THIS. HOW LONG AGO DID YOU TAKE IT, PETER? 543 00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:41,344 HOW LONG AGO DID YOU TAKE IT, PETER? I DON'T KNOW. 544 00:16:41,368 --> 00:16:42,411 PETER? I DON'T KNOW. I CAN'T READ MY WATCH. 545 00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:43,612 I DON'T KNOW. I CAN'T READ MY WATCH. ALL RIGHT, PETER, JUST 546 00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:44,080 I CAN'T READ MY WATCH. ALL RIGHT, PETER, JUST LISTEN. 547 00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:45,348 ALL RIGHT, PETER, JUST LISTEN. EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE FINE. 548 00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:46,615 LISTEN. EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE FINE. YOU'RE VERY HIGH RIGHT NOW. 549 00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:48,050 EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE FINE. YOU'RE VERY HIGH RIGHT NOW. YOU'LL PROBABLY BE THAT WAY FOR 550 00:16:48,074 --> 00:16:49,118 YOU'RE VERY HIGH RIGHT NOW. YOU'LL PROBABLY BE THAT WAY FOR ABOUT FIVE MORE HOURS. 551 00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:50,286 YOU'LL PROBABLY BE THAT WAY FOR ABOUT FIVE MORE HOURS. TRY TAKING SOME VITAMIN-B 552 00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:51,553 ABOUT FIVE MORE HOURS. TRY TAKING SOME VITAMIN-B COMPLEX, VITAMIN-C COMPLEX. 553 00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:53,022 TRY TAKING SOME VITAMIN-B COMPLEX, VITAMIN-C COMPLEX. IF YOU HAVE A BEER, GO AHEAD AND 554 00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:53,589 COMPLEX, VITAMIN-C COMPLEX. IF YOU HAVE A BEER, GO AHEAD AND DRINK IT. 555 00:16:53,613 --> 00:16:54,957 IF YOU HAVE A BEER, GO AHEAD AND DRINK IT. JUST REMEMBER, YOU'RE A LIVING 556 00:16:54,981 --> 00:16:56,292 DRINK IT. JUST REMEMBER, YOU'RE A LIVING ORGANISM ON THIS PLANET, AND 557 00:16:56,316 --> 00:16:57,693 JUST REMEMBER, YOU'RE A LIVING ORGANISM ON THIS PLANET, AND YOU'RE VERY SAFE... YOU'VE JUST 558 00:16:57,717 --> 00:16:58,660 ORGANISM ON THIS PLANET, AND YOU'RE VERY SAFE... YOU'VE JUST TAKEN A HEAVY DRUG. 559 00:16:58,684 --> 00:16:59,996 YOU'RE VERY SAFE... YOU'VE JUST TAKEN A HEAVY DRUG. NOW, JUST RELAX, STAY INSIDE, 560 00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:01,430 TAKEN A HEAVY DRUG. NOW, JUST RELAX, STAY INSIDE, AND LISTEN TO SOME MUSIC, OKAY? 561 00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:04,600 NOW, JUST RELAX, STAY INSIDE, AND LISTEN TO SOME MUSIC, OKAY? DO YOU HAVE ANY ALLMAN BROTHERS? 562 00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:05,868 AND LISTEN TO SOME MUSIC, OKAY? DO YOU HAVE ANY ALLMAN BROTHERS? YEAH, YEAH, I DO, SIR. 563 00:17:05,892 --> 00:17:07,336 DO YOU HAVE ANY ALLMAN BROTHERS? YEAH, YEAH, I DO, SIR. EVERYTHING'S OKAY, HUH, JIMMY? 564 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,404 YEAH, YEAH, I DO, SIR. EVERYTHING'S OKAY, HUH, JIMMY? IT SURE IS, PETER. 565 00:17:08,428 --> 00:17:09,872 EVERYTHING'S OKAY, HUH, JIMMY? IT SURE IS, PETER. YOU KNOW, I'M AGAINST DRUG USE 566 00:17:09,896 --> 00:17:11,307 IT SURE IS, PETER. YOU KNOW, I'M AGAINST DRUG USE MYSELF, BUT I'M NOT GONNA LAY 567 00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:12,441 YOU KNOW, I'M AGAINST DRUG USE MYSELF, BUT I'M NOT GONNA LAY THAT ON YOU RIGHT NOW. 568 00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:13,809 MYSELF, BUT I'M NOT GONNA LAY THAT ON YOU RIGHT NOW. JUST MELLOW OUT THE BEST YOU 569 00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:14,443 THAT ON YOU RIGHT NOW. JUST MELLOW OUT THE BEST YOU CAN, OKAY? 570 00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:14,977 JUST MELLOW OUT THE BEST YOU CAN, OKAY? OKAY. 571 00:17:15,001 --> 00:17:15,544 CAN, OKAY? OKAY. OKAY. 572 00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:16,912 OKAY. OKAY. WELL DONE, MR. PRESIDENT. 573 00:17:16,936 --> 00:17:21,250 OKAY. WELL DONE, MR. PRESIDENT. BRAVO. 574 00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:23,119 WELL DONE, MR. PRESIDENT. BRAVO. WALTER, I'LL CALL PETER BACK 575 00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:24,987 BRAVO. WALTER, I'LL CALL PETER BACK ON MONDAY TO SEE IF HE GOT DOWN 576 00:17:25,011 --> 00:17:25,587 WALTER, I'LL CALL PETER BACK ON MONDAY TO SEE IF HE GOT DOWN OKAY. 577 00:17:25,611 --> 00:17:27,756 ON MONDAY TO SEE IF HE GOT DOWN OKAY. WELL, WE HAVE ONE MORE PHONE 578 00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:29,558 OKAY. WELL, WE HAVE ONE MORE PHONE CALL, THE FINAL PHONE CALL FROM 579 00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:30,692 WELL, WE HAVE ONE MORE PHONE CALL, THE FINAL PHONE CALL FROM MR. JOHN SMITH OF 580 00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:32,428 CALL, THE FINAL PHONE CALL FROM MR. JOHN SMITH OF SAN LUIS OBISPO, CALIFORNIA. 581 00:17:32,452 --> 00:17:33,462 MR. JOHN SMITH OF SAN LUIS OBISPO, CALIFORNIA. HELLO, JOHN. 582 00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:34,897 SAN LUIS OBISPO, CALIFORNIA. HELLO, JOHN. [As Richard Nixon] 583 00:17:34,921 --> 00:17:36,432 HELLO, JOHN. [As Richard Nixon] HELLO, MR. PRESIDENT. 584 00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:38,300 [As Richard Nixon] HELLO, MR. PRESIDENT. I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I 585 00:17:38,324 --> 00:17:42,104 HELLO, MR. PRESIDENT. I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I THINK YOU'RE DOING A GREAT JOB. 586 00:17:42,128 --> 00:17:43,472 I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I THINK YOU'RE DOING A GREAT JOB. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 587 00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:45,174 THINK YOU'RE DOING A GREAT JOB. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I, MYSELF, WAS EMPLOYED AT 588 00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:46,742 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I, MYSELF, WAS EMPLOYED AT THE WHITE HOUSE FOR SEVERAL 589 00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:48,077 I, MYSELF, WAS EMPLOYED AT THE WHITE HOUSE FOR SEVERAL YEARS DURING THE NIXON 590 00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:49,078 THE WHITE HOUSE FOR SEVERAL YEARS DURING THE NIXON ADMINISTRATION. 591 00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:50,913 YEARS DURING THE NIXON ADMINISTRATION. AND WHILE I WAS WORKING THERE, I 592 00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:52,281 ADMINISTRATION. AND WHILE I WAS WORKING THERE, I FORGOT SOMETHING ON THE 593 00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:52,981 AND WHILE I WAS WORKING THERE, I FORGOT SOMETHING ON THE PREMISES. 594 00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:55,084 FORGOT SOMETHING ON THE PREMISES. YES. WHAT WAS IT? 595 00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:56,852 PREMISES. YES. WHAT WAS IT? WELL, YOU KNOW THE 596 00:17:56,876 --> 00:17:59,288 YES. WHAT WAS IT? WELL, YOU KNOW THE FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT CHEST 597 00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:01,457 WELL, YOU KNOW THE FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT CHEST OF DRAWERS IN YOUR BEDROOM? 598 00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:02,391 FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT CHEST OF DRAWERS IN YOUR BEDROOM? YES, I DO. 599 00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,060 OF DRAWERS IN YOUR BEDROOM? YES, I DO. CHECK THE BOTTOM DRAWER. 600 00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:05,994 YES, I DO. CHECK THE BOTTOM DRAWER. YOU'LL FIND AN ENVELOPE TAPED TO 601 00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:06,828 CHECK THE BOTTOM DRAWER. YOU'LL FIND AN ENVELOPE TAPED TO THE BOTTOM. 602 00:18:06,852 --> 00:18:08,730 YOU'LL FIND AN ENVELOPE TAPED TO THE BOTTOM. THERE'S SEVERAL THOUSAND DOLLARS 603 00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:10,099 THE BOTTOM. THERE'S SEVERAL THOUSAND DOLLARS IN SMALL BILLS IN IT. 604 00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:11,534 THERE'S SEVERAL THOUSAND DOLLARS IN SMALL BILLS IN IT. PLEASE SEND IT TO ME... 605 00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:13,202 IN SMALL BILLS IN IT. PLEASE SEND IT TO ME... JOHN SMITH, CARE OF GENERAL 606 00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:14,770 PLEASE SEND IT TO ME... JOHN SMITH, CARE OF GENERAL DELIVERY, SAN CLEMENTE, 607 00:18:14,794 --> 00:18:16,738 JOHN SMITH, CARE OF GENERAL DELIVERY, SAN CLEMENTE, CALIFORNIA. 608 00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:18,274 DELIVERY, SAN CLEMENTE, CALIFORNIA. I SURELY WILL. THANK YOU. 609 00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:19,408 CALIFORNIA. I SURELY WILL. THANK YOU. WELL, THANK YOU, 610 00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:20,276 I SURELY WILL. THANK YOU. WELL, THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT. 611 00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:21,843 WELL, THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT. OUR TIME IS UP FOR THIS WEEK. 612 00:18:21,867 --> 00:18:23,579 MR. PRESIDENT. OUR TIME IS UP FOR THIS WEEK. BUT LET ME REMIND YOU THAT IT IS 613 00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,314 OUR TIME IS UP FOR THIS WEEK. BUT LET ME REMIND YOU THAT IT IS NOW TIME TO BUY YOUR TICKETS FOR 614 00:18:25,338 --> 00:18:26,915 BUT LET ME REMIND YOU THAT IT IS NOW TIME TO BUY YOUR TICKETS FOR THE FIRST AMERICAN "I SLEPT AT 615 00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,650 NOW TIME TO BUY YOUR TICKETS FOR THE FIRST AMERICAN "I SLEPT AT THE WHITE HOUSE" LOTTERY ON SALE 616 00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:30,152 THE FIRST AMERICAN "I SLEPT AT THE WHITE HOUSE" LOTTERY ON SALE AT FEDERAL OFFICE BUILDINGS 617 00:18:30,176 --> 00:18:30,886 THE WHITE HOUSE" LOTTERY ON SALE AT FEDERAL OFFICE BUILDINGS EVERYWHERE. 618 00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:32,088 AT FEDERAL OFFICE BUILDINGS EVERYWHERE. THE TICKETS ARE ONLY A $1, 619 00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:33,255 EVERYWHERE. THE TICKETS ARE ONLY A $1, AND MAYBE SOMEBODY OUT THERE 620 00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:34,457 THE TICKETS ARE ONLY A $1, AND MAYBE SOMEBODY OUT THERE WILL WIN AN ALL-EXPENSE-PAID 621 00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:35,724 AND MAYBE SOMEBODY OUT THERE WILL WIN AN ALL-EXPENSE-PAID TRIP TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH US 622 00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:36,559 WILL WIN AN ALL-EXPENSE-PAID TRIP TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH US HERE IN WASHINGTON. 623 00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:37,526 TRIP TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH US HERE IN WASHINGTON. GOOD NIGHT. 624 00:18:37,550 --> 00:18:38,294 HERE IN WASHINGTON. GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT. 625 00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:40,118 GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 626 00:18:45,491 --> 00:18:51,707 THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT. THAT'S A WRAP. WELL, THAT WAS OKAY, WORKED 627 00:18:51,731 --> 00:18:52,374 THAT'S A WRAP. WELL, THAT WAS OKAY, WORKED OUT OKAY. 628 00:18:52,398 --> 00:18:53,976 WELL, THAT WAS OKAY, WORKED OUT OKAY. YEAH, THAT WAS PRETTY GOOD. 629 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,544 OUT OKAY. YEAH, THAT WAS PRETTY GOOD. LET'S DO THAT AGAIN SOMETIME. 630 00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:56,412 YEAH, THAT WAS PRETTY GOOD. LET'S DO THAT AGAIN SOMETIME. HELLO, AMY. 631 00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:57,246 LET'S DO THAT AGAIN SOMETIME. HELLO, AMY. HI, DADDY. 632 00:18:57,270 --> 00:18:58,380 HELLO, AMY. HI, DADDY. AMY LYNN, THIS IS 633 00:18:58,404 --> 00:18:59,215 HI, DADDY. AMY LYNN, THIS IS MR. CRONKITE. 634 00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:01,517 AMY LYNN, THIS IS MR. CRONKITE. HELLO, AMY. 635 00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:02,451 MR. CRONKITE. HELLO, AMY. HONEY, I'M GONNA WALK 636 00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:03,652 HELLO, AMY. HONEY, I'M GONNA WALK UNCLE WALTER OUT TO HIS CAR, AND 637 00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:04,553 HONEY, I'M GONNA WALK UNCLE WALTER OUT TO HIS CAR, AND THEN I'LL COME BACK IN. 638 00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:05,754 UNCLE WALTER OUT TO HIS CAR, AND THEN I'LL COME BACK IN. WE'LL HAVE SOME MILK AND COOKIES 639 00:19:05,778 --> 00:19:06,589 THEN I'LL COME BACK IN. WE'LL HAVE SOME MILK AND COOKIES IN THE KITCHEN, OKAY? 640 00:19:06,613 --> 00:19:06,922 WE'LL HAVE SOME MILK AND COOKIES IN THE KITCHEN, OKAY? MARY? 641 00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:08,866 IN THE KITCHEN, OKAY? MARY? YES, MR. PRESIDENT? 642 00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:17,233 MARY, WILL YOU MIND AMY TILL I GET BACK? THIS IS MR. CRONKITE. 643 00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:18,567 GET BACK? THIS IS MR. CRONKITE. THIS IS AMY'S NANNY, MARY. 644 00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:20,136 THIS IS MR. CRONKITE. THIS IS AMY'S NANNY, MARY. AH, YES, THE EX-CONVICT FROM 645 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:20,702 THIS IS AMY'S NANNY, MARY. AH, YES, THE EX-CONVICT FROM GEORGIA. 646 00:19:20,726 --> 00:19:22,104 AH, YES, THE EX-CONVICT FROM GEORGIA. HELLO. PLEASED TO MEET YOU. 647 00:19:22,128 --> 00:19:22,904 GEORGIA. HELLO. PLEASED TO MEET YOU. OKAY, FINE. 648 00:19:22,928 --> 00:19:24,306 HELLO. PLEASED TO MEET YOU. OKAY, FINE. I'LL BE BACK IN A COUPLE OF 649 00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:26,342 OKAY, FINE. I'LL BE BACK IN A COUPLE OF MINUTES. 650 00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:27,943 I'LL BE BACK IN A COUPLE OF MINUTES. CHILD, YOUR FATHER SURE KNOWS 651 00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:29,077 MINUTES. CHILD, YOUR FATHER SURE KNOWS HOW TO USE THE MEDIA. 652 00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:30,613 CHILD, YOUR FATHER SURE KNOWS HOW TO USE THE MEDIA. COME ON, LET'S GO BACK AND GET 653 00:19:30,637 --> 00:19:31,980 HOW TO USE THE MEDIA. COME ON, LET'S GO BACK AND GET SOME MILK AND COOKIES, ALL 654 00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:32,448 COME ON, LET'S GO BACK AND GET SOME MILK AND COOKIES, ALL RIGHT? 655 00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:33,982 SOME MILK AND COOKIES, ALL RIGHT? NANNY, IS IT TRUE YOU LIVED 656 00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,584 RIGHT? NANNY, IS IT TRUE YOU LIVED IN THE STATE PRISON? 657 00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:37,553 NANNY, IS IT TRUE YOU LIVED IN THE STATE PRISON? YES, CHILD, I MADE SOME 658 00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:41,223 IN THE STATE PRISON? YES, CHILD, I MADE SOME MISTAKES, I HAD SOME BAD BREAKS. 659 00:19:41,247 --> 00:19:43,058 YES, CHILD, I MADE SOME MISTAKES, I HAD SOME BAD BREAKS. NANNY, YOU'RE NICE. 660 00:19:43,082 --> 00:19:45,093 MISTAKES, I HAD SOME BAD BREAKS. NANNY, YOU'RE NICE. SO ARE YOU, SWEETHEART. 661 00:19:45,117 --> 00:19:46,928 NANNY, YOU'RE NICE. SO ARE YOU, SWEETHEART. NANNY, CAN YOU TELL ME A 662 00:19:46,952 --> 00:19:48,397 SO ARE YOU, SWEETHEART. NANNY, CAN YOU TELL ME A BEDTIME STORY? 663 00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:49,498 NANNY, CAN YOU TELL ME A BEDTIME STORY? WHY, SURE. 664 00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,767 BEDTIME STORY? WHY, SURE. COME ON, SIT ON MY KNEE. 665 00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:53,202 WHY, SURE. COME ON, SIT ON MY KNEE. AHH... 666 00:19:53,226 --> 00:19:56,272 COME ON, SIT ON MY KNEE. AHH... OKAY, NOW, THIS IS THE STORY OF 667 00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:58,940 AHH... OKAY, NOW, THIS IS THE STORY OF GOLDILOCKS AND THE THREE BEARS. 668 00:19:58,964 --> 00:20:01,143 OKAY, NOW, THIS IS THE STORY OF GOLDILOCKS AND THE THREE BEARS. IT WAS THE SUMMER OF '70. 669 00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:02,811 GOLDILOCKS AND THE THREE BEARS. IT WAS THE SUMMER OF '70. AND AFTER JUST WORKING A LONG 670 00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:04,613 IT WAS THE SUMMER OF '70. AND AFTER JUST WORKING A LONG TIME FOR THE STATE DEPARTMENT OF 671 00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:06,348 AND AFTER JUST WORKING A LONG TIME FOR THE STATE DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE, GOLDILOCKS FINALLY 672 00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:08,116 TIME FOR THE STATE DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE, GOLDILOCKS FINALLY GOT HER LETTERS FROM THE PAROLE 673 00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:08,651 AGRICULTURE, GOLDILOCKS FINALLY GOT HER LETTERS FROM THE PAROLE BOARD. 674 00:20:08,675 --> 00:20:09,851 GOT HER LETTERS FROM THE PAROLE BOARD. THE PAROLE BOARD? 675 00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:11,620 BOARD. THE PAROLE BOARD? YEAH, YOU SEE, SHE JUST DONE 676 00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:13,222 THE PAROLE BOARD? YEAH, YOU SEE, SHE JUST DONE THE BIG QUINCE DOWNSTATE FOR 677 00:20:13,246 --> 00:20:14,790 YEAH, YOU SEE, SHE JUST DONE THE BIG QUINCE DOWNSTATE FOR WASTING SOME LOWLIFE CAT IN 678 00:20:14,814 --> 00:20:16,458 THE BIG QUINCE DOWNSTATE FOR WASTING SOME LOWLIFE CAT IN GAINESVILLE, HONEY. 679 00:20:16,482 --> 00:20:17,759 WASTING SOME LOWLIFE CAT IN GAINESVILLE, HONEY. THE BIG QUINCE? 680 00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:19,795 GAINESVILLE, HONEY. THE BIG QUINCE? A QUINCY, FIVE BIG ONES, YOU 681 00:20:19,819 --> 00:20:20,762 THE BIG QUINCE? A QUINCY, FIVE BIG ONES, YOU KNOW, YEARS. 682 00:20:20,786 --> 00:20:22,498 A QUINCY, FIVE BIG ONES, YOU KNOW, YEARS. OH, YEAH, LIKE YOU BEEN 683 00:20:22,522 --> 00:20:23,332 KNOW, YEARS. OH, YEAH, LIKE YOU BEEN LOCKED UP? 684 00:20:23,356 --> 00:20:24,933 OH, YEAH, LIKE YOU BEEN LOCKED UP? THAT'S RIGHT. YEAH. 685 00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:26,802 LOCKED UP? THAT'S RIGHT. YEAH. SO, THERE SHE IS, OUT OF THE 686 00:20:26,826 --> 00:20:28,870 THAT'S RIGHT. YEAH. SO, THERE SHE IS, OUT OF THE JOINT, RIGHT, BACK ON THE STREET 687 00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:30,739 SO, THERE SHE IS, OUT OF THE JOINT, RIGHT, BACK ON THE STREET WITH NOTHING BUT A STATE-OWNED 688 00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:31,707 JOINT, RIGHT, BACK ON THE STREET WITH NOTHING BUT A STATE-OWNED PAIR OF JEANS. 689 00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,409 WITH NOTHING BUT A STATE-OWNED PAIR OF JEANS. SO, SHE TAKES A BUS TO TAMPA. 690 00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:34,910 PAIR OF JEANS. SO, SHE TAKES A BUS TO TAMPA. SHE GETS SOME HEAT FROM A 691 00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:35,877 SO, SHE TAKES A BUS TO TAMPA. SHE GETS SOME HEAT FROM A FRIEND, RIGHT. 692 00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:37,646 SHE GETS SOME HEAT FROM A FRIEND, RIGHT. SHE STEALS A CAR, AND THEN SHE 693 00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:39,515 FRIEND, RIGHT. SHE STEALS A CAR, AND THEN SHE POPS A SUPERMARKET FOR SOME FREE 694 00:20:39,539 --> 00:20:40,115 SHE STEALS A CAR, AND THEN SHE POPS A SUPERMARKET FOR SOME FREE EAGLES. 695 00:20:40,139 --> 00:20:41,883 POPS A SUPERMARKET FOR SOME FREE EAGLES. SHE KNOCKED OFF A STORE FOR 696 00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:43,018 EAGLES. SHE KNOCKED OFF A STORE FOR SOME MONEY? 697 00:20:43,042 --> 00:20:44,520 SHE KNOCKED OFF A STORE FOR SOME MONEY? THAT'S RIGHT, HONEY, YEAH. 698 00:20:44,544 --> 00:20:47,956 SOME MONEY? THAT'S RIGHT, HONEY, YEAH. THEN, SHE DRIVES NORTH OF TOWN, 699 00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:50,092 THAT'S RIGHT, HONEY, YEAH. THEN, SHE DRIVES NORTH OF TOWN, RIGHT, INTO THE DARK, WET 700 00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:51,227 THEN, SHE DRIVES NORTH OF TOWN, RIGHT, INTO THE DARK, WET EVERGLADES. 701 00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:53,762 RIGHT, INTO THE DARK, WET EVERGLADES. DID SHE HAVE HER HIP WADERS 702 00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:54,330 EVERGLADES. DID SHE HAVE HER HIP WADERS ON? 703 00:20:54,354 --> 00:20:56,198 DID SHE HAVE HER HIP WADERS ON? WHY, YES, SHE DID. 704 00:20:56,222 --> 00:20:58,734 ON? WHY, YES, SHE DID. ARE YOU SURE I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU 705 00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:00,469 WHY, YES, SHE DID. ARE YOU SURE I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU THIS ONE BEFORE, BABY? 706 00:21:00,493 --> 00:21:01,203 ARE YOU SURE I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU THIS ONE BEFORE, BABY? HMM? 707 00:21:01,227 --> 00:21:04,673 THIS ONE BEFORE, BABY? HMM? WELL, ANYWAY, PRETTY SOON, SHE 708 00:21:04,697 --> 00:21:06,007 HMM? WELL, ANYWAY, PRETTY SOON, SHE COMES UPON THIS SHACK SITTING 709 00:21:06,031 --> 00:21:06,875 WELL, ANYWAY, PRETTY SOON, SHE COMES UPON THIS SHACK SITTING ON STILTS, RIGHT. 710 00:21:06,899 --> 00:21:08,277 COMES UPON THIS SHACK SITTING ON STILTS, RIGHT. NOW, BY NOW, LITTLE GOLDILOCKS 711 00:21:08,301 --> 00:21:09,645 ON STILTS, RIGHT. NOW, BY NOW, LITTLE GOLDILOCKS IS HUNGRIER THAN A PORPOISE AT 712 00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:10,579 NOW, BY NOW, LITTLE GOLDILOCKS IS HUNGRIER THAN A PORPOISE AT MARINELAND, CHILD. 713 00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:11,313 IS HUNGRIER THAN A PORPOISE AT MARINELAND, CHILD. MARINELAND? 714 00:21:11,337 --> 00:21:12,715 MARINELAND, CHILD. MARINELAND? YEAH, IT'S LIKE A FISH ZOO, 715 00:21:12,739 --> 00:21:13,282 MARINELAND? YEAH, IT'S LIKE A FISH ZOO, YOU KNOW. 716 00:21:13,306 --> 00:21:15,817 YEAH, IT'S LIKE A FISH ZOO, YOU KNOW. SO, SHE PULLS HER PIECE, REMOVES 717 00:21:15,841 --> 00:21:18,120 YOU KNOW. SO, SHE PULLS HER PIECE, REMOVES THE LOCK ON THE DOOR... BOOM, 718 00:21:18,144 --> 00:21:18,787 SO, SHE PULLS HER PIECE, REMOVES THE LOCK ON THE DOOR... BOOM, BOOM. 719 00:21:18,811 --> 00:21:21,189 THE LOCK ON THE DOOR... BOOM, BOOM. AND THEN, SHE GOES IN, AND SHE 720 00:21:21,213 --> 00:21:22,958 BOOM. AND THEN, SHE GOES IN, AND SHE EATS THREE BOWLS OF HOT GATOR 721 00:21:22,982 --> 00:21:23,459 AND THEN, SHE GOES IN, AND SHE EATS THREE BOWLS OF HOT GATOR SOUP. 722 00:21:23,483 --> 00:21:24,727 EATS THREE BOWLS OF HOT GATOR SOUP. [CHOMPING] 723 00:21:24,751 --> 00:21:27,363 SOUP. [CHOMPING] RIGHT, AND THEN SHE CRASHES FOR 724 00:21:27,387 --> 00:21:29,097 [CHOMPING] RIGHT, AND THEN SHE CRASHES FOR THE NIGHT. 725 00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:32,434 RIGHT, AND THEN SHE CRASHES FOR THE NIGHT. WHEN SHE FINISHES, SHE'S 726 00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:33,235 THE NIGHT. WHEN SHE FINISHES, SHE'S LOOKING... 727 00:21:33,259 --> 00:21:35,170 WHEN SHE FINISHES, SHE'S LOOKING... RATHER, WHEN SHE WAKES UP, SHE'S 728 00:21:35,194 --> 00:21:36,739 LOOKING... RATHER, WHEN SHE WAKES UP, SHE'S LOOKING RIGHT DOWN THERE, 729 00:21:36,763 --> 00:21:38,574 RATHER, WHEN SHE WAKES UP, SHE'S LOOKING RIGHT DOWN THERE, STRAIGHT INTO THE TWIN BARRELS 730 00:21:38,598 --> 00:21:40,342 LOOKING RIGHT DOWN THERE, STRAIGHT INTO THE TWIN BARRELS OF A 16-GAUGE SHOTGUN, HONEY. 731 00:21:40,366 --> 00:21:42,177 STRAIGHT INTO THE TWIN BARRELS OF A 16-GAUGE SHOTGUN, HONEY. YOU SEE, WHAT SHE DONE WAS SHE 732 00:21:42,201 --> 00:21:43,812 OF A 16-GAUGE SHOTGUN, HONEY. YOU SEE, WHAT SHE DONE WAS SHE BROKE INTO THE HOME OF THE 733 00:21:43,836 --> 00:21:45,381 YOU SEE, WHAT SHE DONE WAS SHE BROKE INTO THE HOME OF THE THREE BEARS... MAMA BEAR, 734 00:21:45,405 --> 00:21:47,283 BROKE INTO THE HOME OF THE THREE BEARS... MAMA BEAR, CLEOFUS BEAR, AND WINSTON BEAR, 735 00:21:47,307 --> 00:21:48,083 THREE BEARS... MAMA BEAR, CLEOFUS BEAR, AND WINSTON BEAR, YOU KNOW? 736 00:21:48,107 --> 00:21:50,218 CLEOFUS BEAR, AND WINSTON BEAR, YOU KNOW? BUT LUCKILY, SHE HAD BEEN IN THE 737 00:21:50,242 --> 00:21:52,254 YOU KNOW? BUT LUCKILY, SHE HAD BEEN IN THE JOINT WITH WINSTON'S OLD LADY, 738 00:21:52,278 --> 00:21:54,323 BUT LUCKILY, SHE HAD BEEN IN THE JOINT WITH WINSTON'S OLD LADY, AND CLEOFUS GOT HER A JOB AS AN 739 00:21:54,347 --> 00:21:56,358 JOINT WITH WINSTON'S OLD LADY, AND CLEOFUS GOT HER A JOB AS AN AMBULANCE DISPATCHER IN MIAMI, 740 00:21:56,382 --> 00:21:56,925 AND CLEOFUS GOT HER A JOB AS AN AMBULANCE DISPATCHER IN MIAMI, BABY. 741 00:21:56,949 --> 00:21:58,994 AMBULANCE DISPATCHER IN MIAMI, BABY. [Imitating Mary] DON'T YOU 742 00:21:59,018 --> 00:22:00,962 BABY. [Imitating Mary] DON'T YOU TELL ME NONE OF THAT BULLWASH 743 00:22:00,986 --> 00:22:02,698 [Imitating Mary] DON'T YOU TELL ME NONE OF THAT BULLWASH FAIRY-TALE JIVE, HONEY. 744 00:22:02,722 --> 00:22:04,667 TELL ME NONE OF THAT BULLWASH FAIRY-TALE JIVE, HONEY. I KNOW THE GOLDILOCKS STORY 745 00:22:04,691 --> 00:22:06,902 FAIRY-TALE JIVE, HONEY. I KNOW THE GOLDILOCKS STORY DON'T GO NO PLACE LIKE FLORIDA. 746 00:22:06,926 --> 00:22:08,937 I KNOW THE GOLDILOCKS STORY DON'T GO NO PLACE LIKE FLORIDA. I KNOW IT GO DOWN SOME PLACE 747 00:22:08,961 --> 00:22:11,774 DON'T GO NO PLACE LIKE FLORIDA. I KNOW IT GO DOWN SOME PLACE LIKE BAVARIA OR GERMANY OR SOME 748 00:22:11,798 --> 00:22:13,409 I KNOW IT GO DOWN SOME PLACE LIKE BAVARIA OR GERMANY OR SOME PLACE LIKE THAT. 749 00:22:13,433 --> 00:22:16,312 LIKE BAVARIA OR GERMANY OR SOME PLACE LIKE THAT. NO, HONEY, YOU THINKIN' ABOUT 750 00:22:16,336 --> 00:22:17,413 PLACE LIKE THAT. NO, HONEY, YOU THINKIN' ABOUT "HANSEL & GRETEL." 751 00:22:17,437 --> 00:22:19,315 NO, HONEY, YOU THINKIN' ABOUT "HANSEL & GRETEL." [Normal voice] OH, YEAH, I 752 00:22:19,339 --> 00:22:19,948 "HANSEL & GRETEL." [Normal voice] OH, YEAH, I FORGOT. 753 00:22:19,972 --> 00:22:20,649 [Normal voice] OH, YEAH, I FORGOT. YEAH. 754 00:22:20,673 --> 00:22:21,617 FORGOT. YEAH. I DON'T KNOW. 755 00:22:21,641 --> 00:22:23,352 YEAH. I DON'T KNOW. FOR A CHILD YOUR AGE, YOU'RE 756 00:22:23,376 --> 00:22:24,687 I DON'T KNOW. FOR A CHILD YOUR AGE, YOU'RE GETTING MIGHTY STREETWISE. 757 00:22:24,711 --> 00:22:26,455 FOR A CHILD YOUR AGE, YOU'RE GETTING MIGHTY STREETWISE. COME ON, LET'S GO GET SOME 758 00:22:26,479 --> 00:22:27,723 GETTING MIGHTY STREETWISE. COME ON, LET'S GO GET SOME COOKIES AND MILK. 759 00:22:27,747 --> 00:22:29,787 COME ON, LET'S GO GET SOME COOKIES AND MILK. OKAY. 760 00:22:47,899 --> 00:22:52,681 GOOD EVENING AND WELCOME TO "HOW YOUR CHILDREN GROW." I'M JANE CURTIN, AND MY GUEST 761 00:22:52,705 --> 00:22:54,282 "HOW YOUR CHILDREN GROW." I'M JANE CURTIN, AND MY GUEST TONIGHT IS ONE OF AMERICA'S 762 00:22:54,306 --> 00:22:56,151 I'M JANE CURTIN, AND MY GUEST TONIGHT IS ONE OF AMERICA'S FOREMOST AUTHORITIES ON LEARNING 763 00:22:56,175 --> 00:22:59,287 TONIGHT IS ONE OF AMERICA'S FOREMOST AUTHORITIES ON LEARNING DISABILITIES, DR. ALAN ROSS. 764 00:22:59,311 --> 00:23:00,789 FOREMOST AUTHORITIES ON LEARNING DISABILITIES, DR. ALAN ROSS. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE NOT 765 00:23:00,813 --> 00:23:02,491 DISABILITIES, DR. ALAN ROSS. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE NOT FAMILIAR WITH DR. ROSS' WORK, HE 766 00:23:02,515 --> 00:23:03,792 FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE NOT FAMILIAR WITH DR. ROSS' WORK, HE HAS JUST BEEN AWARDED A 767 00:23:03,816 --> 00:23:05,561 FAMILIAR WITH DR. ROSS' WORK, HE HAS JUST BEEN AWARDED A $7 MILLION GRANT, WITH WHICH HE 768 00:23:05,585 --> 00:23:07,363 HAS JUST BEEN AWARDED A $7 MILLION GRANT, WITH WHICH HE WILL OPEN THE ROSS FOUNDATION IN 769 00:23:07,387 --> 00:23:08,597 $7 MILLION GRANT, WITH WHICH HE WILL OPEN THE ROSS FOUNDATION IN ROCHESTER, MINNESOTA. 770 00:23:08,621 --> 00:23:10,031 WILL OPEN THE ROSS FOUNDATION IN ROCHESTER, MINNESOTA. ISN'T THAT TRUE, DOCTOR? 771 00:23:10,055 --> 00:23:10,999 ROCHESTER, MINNESOTA. ISN'T THAT TRUE, DOCTOR? THAT'S TRUE. 772 00:23:11,023 --> 00:23:12,100 ISN'T THAT TRUE, DOCTOR? THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 773 00:23:12,124 --> 00:23:13,435 THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. IN DOING MY OWN RESEARCH ON 774 00:23:13,459 --> 00:23:14,837 YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. IN DOING MY OWN RESEARCH ON WHAT YOU DO, SIR, I LEARNED THAT 775 00:23:14,861 --> 00:23:16,004 IN DOING MY OWN RESEARCH ON WHAT YOU DO, SIR, I LEARNED THAT MANY PEOPLE WHO WORK WITH 776 00:23:16,028 --> 00:23:17,239 WHAT YOU DO, SIR, I LEARNED THAT MANY PEOPLE WHO WORK WITH CHILDREN POSSESSING LEARNING 777 00:23:17,263 --> 00:23:18,507 MANY PEOPLE WHO WORK WITH CHILDREN POSSESSING LEARNING DIFFICULTIES AT ONE TIME HAD 778 00:23:18,531 --> 00:23:19,341 CHILDREN POSSESSING LEARNING DIFFICULTIES AT ONE TIME HAD SUCH A CONDITION. 779 00:23:19,365 --> 00:23:20,108 DIFFICULTIES AT ONE TIME HAD SUCH A CONDITION. THAT'S TRUE. 780 00:23:20,132 --> 00:23:21,309 SUCH A CONDITION. THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 781 00:23:21,333 --> 00:23:22,778 THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. I GUESS THAT WOULD MAKE ONE 782 00:23:22,802 --> 00:23:24,246 YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. I GUESS THAT WOULD MAKE ONE MORE EMPATHETIC TO THE PLIGHTS 783 00:23:24,270 --> 00:23:25,113 I GUESS THAT WOULD MAKE ONE MORE EMPATHETIC TO THE PLIGHTS OF SUCH A CHILD. 784 00:23:25,137 --> 00:23:25,947 MORE EMPATHETIC TO THE PLIGHTS OF SUCH A CHILD. THAT'S TRUE. 785 00:23:25,971 --> 00:23:27,449 OF SUCH A CHILD. THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 786 00:23:27,473 --> 00:23:29,351 THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. AND I IMAGINE THAT IT DOESN'T 787 00:23:29,375 --> 00:23:31,152 YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. AND I IMAGINE THAT IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BIG YOU ARE IN YOUR 788 00:23:31,176 --> 00:23:32,855 AND I IMAGINE THAT IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BIG YOU ARE IN YOUR FIELD, NO ONE'S IMMUNE, AS I 789 00:23:32,879 --> 00:23:34,623 MATTER HOW BIG YOU ARE IN YOUR FIELD, NO ONE'S IMMUNE, AS I DISCOVERED THAT YOU YOURSELF, 790 00:23:34,647 --> 00:23:36,324 FIELD, NO ONE'S IMMUNE, AS I DISCOVERED THAT YOU YOURSELF, DR. ROSS, HAD, AS A CHILD, A 791 00:23:36,348 --> 00:23:37,993 DISCOVERED THAT YOU YOURSELF, DR. ROSS, HAD, AS A CHILD, A SEVERE LEARNING DISABILITY. 792 00:23:38,017 --> 00:23:38,861 DR. ROSS, HAD, AS A CHILD, A SEVERE LEARNING DISABILITY. THAT'S TRUE. 793 00:23:38,885 --> 00:23:40,161 SEVERE LEARNING DISABILITY. THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 794 00:23:40,185 --> 00:23:41,597 THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. AND I GUESS WE CAN SPEAK 795 00:23:41,621 --> 00:23:42,230 YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. AND I GUESS WE CAN SPEAK ABOUT IT. 796 00:23:42,254 --> 00:23:43,766 AND I GUESS WE CAN SPEAK ABOUT IT. IT CERTAINLY IS NOTHING TO BE 797 00:23:43,790 --> 00:23:44,500 ABOUT IT. IT CERTAINLY IS NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF. 798 00:23:44,524 --> 00:23:45,734 IT CERTAINLY IS NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF. YOUR PROBLEM WAS CALLED 799 00:23:45,758 --> 00:23:46,468 ASHAMED OF. YOUR PROBLEM WAS CALLED QUINTLEXIA. 800 00:23:46,492 --> 00:23:47,369 YOUR PROBLEM WAS CALLED QUINTLEXIA. THAT'S TRUE. 801 00:23:47,393 --> 00:23:48,604 QUINTLEXIA. THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 802 00:23:48,628 --> 00:23:50,138 THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE NOT 803 00:23:50,162 --> 00:23:51,306 YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE NOT FAMILIAR WITH THE TERM 804 00:23:51,330 --> 00:23:52,674 FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE NOT FAMILIAR WITH THE TERM "QUINTLEXIA," IT COMES FROM 805 00:23:52,698 --> 00:23:54,376 FAMILIAR WITH THE TERM "QUINTLEXIA," IT COMES FROM THE PREFIX "QUINT," MEANING 806 00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,311 "QUINTLEXIA," IT COMES FROM THE PREFIX "QUINT," MEANING "FIVE," AND "LEXIA" FROM THE 807 00:23:56,335 --> 00:23:58,246 THE PREFIX "QUINT," MEANING "FIVE," AND "LEXIA" FROM THE GREEK ROOT "LEXUS," WHICH MEANS 808 00:23:58,270 --> 00:23:58,814 "FIVE," AND "LEXIA" FROM THE GREEK ROOT "LEXUS," WHICH MEANS "WORDS." 809 00:23:58,838 --> 00:24:00,115 GREEK ROOT "LEXUS," WHICH MEANS "WORDS." THEREFORE, ANYONE WHO IS 810 00:24:00,139 --> 00:24:01,617 "WORDS." THEREFORE, ANYONE WHO IS AFFLICTED WITH QUINTLEXIA HAS 811 00:24:01,641 --> 00:24:03,151 THEREFORE, ANYONE WHO IS AFFLICTED WITH QUINTLEXIA HAS THE ABILITY TO SPEAK ONLY FIVE 812 00:24:03,175 --> 00:24:03,652 AFFLICTED WITH QUINTLEXIA HAS THE ABILITY TO SPEAK ONLY FIVE WORDS. 813 00:24:03,676 --> 00:24:05,086 THE ABILITY TO SPEAK ONLY FIVE WORDS. DID I DESCRIBE IT CORRECTLY? 814 00:24:05,110 --> 00:24:05,987 WORDS. DID I DESCRIBE IT CORRECTLY? THAT'S TRUE. 815 00:24:06,011 --> 00:24:07,623 DID I DESCRIBE IT CORRECTLY? THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 816 00:24:07,647 --> 00:24:09,425 THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. NOW, AS I UNDERSTAND IT, 817 00:24:09,449 --> 00:24:11,427 YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. NOW, AS I UNDERSTAND IT, THEN, AS A CHILD, YOU ONLY KNEW 818 00:24:11,451 --> 00:24:12,327 NOW, AS I UNDERSTAND IT, THEN, AS A CHILD, YOU ONLY KNEW FIVE WORDS. 819 00:24:12,351 --> 00:24:13,462 THEN, AS A CHILD, YOU ONLY KNEW FIVE WORDS. THAT'S TRUE. 820 00:24:13,486 --> 00:24:14,897 FIVE WORDS. THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 821 00:24:14,921 --> 00:24:16,364 THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. WHICH WORDS WERE THEY? 822 00:24:16,388 --> 00:24:18,099 YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. WHICH WORDS WERE THEY? THAT'S, TRUE, YOU'RE, 823 00:24:18,123 --> 00:24:19,100 WHICH WORDS WERE THEY? THAT'S, TRUE, YOU'RE, ABSOLUTELY, RIGHT. 824 00:24:19,124 --> 00:24:20,736 THAT'S, TRUE, YOU'RE, ABSOLUTELY, RIGHT. I GET THE IMPRESSION THAT YOU 825 00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:22,103 ABSOLUTELY, RIGHT. I GET THE IMPRESSION THAT YOU STILL HAVE THIS CONDITION. 826 00:24:22,127 --> 00:24:22,971 I GET THE IMPRESSION THAT YOU STILL HAVE THIS CONDITION. THAT'S TRUE. 827 00:24:22,995 --> 00:24:24,372 STILL HAVE THIS CONDITION. THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 828 00:24:24,396 --> 00:24:25,741 THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. NOW, LET ME GET THIS 829 00:24:25,765 --> 00:24:26,408 YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. NOW, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. 830 00:24:26,432 --> 00:24:27,576 NOW, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. YOU WENT TO HARVARD 831 00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:29,210 STRAIGHT. YOU WENT TO HARVARD UNDERGRADUATE, GOT YOUR PhD 832 00:24:29,234 --> 00:24:30,813 YOU WENT TO HARVARD UNDERGRADUATE, GOT YOUR PhD FROM DARTMOUTH, YOU'VE BEEN 833 00:24:30,837 --> 00:24:32,380 UNDERGRADUATE, GOT YOUR PhD FROM DARTMOUTH, YOU'VE BEEN GIVEN A $7 MILLION GRANT TO 834 00:24:32,404 --> 00:24:33,982 FROM DARTMOUTH, YOU'VE BEEN GIVEN A $7 MILLION GRANT TO BUILD A FOUNDATION, AND HAVE 835 00:24:34,006 --> 00:24:35,784 GIVEN A $7 MILLION GRANT TO BUILD A FOUNDATION, AND HAVE BEEN TEACHING CHILDREN FOR CLOSE 836 00:24:35,808 --> 00:24:36,585 BUILD A FOUNDATION, AND HAVE BEEN TEACHING CHILDREN FOR CLOSE TO 11 YEARS. 837 00:24:36,609 --> 00:24:38,086 BEEN TEACHING CHILDREN FOR CLOSE TO 11 YEARS. AND YOUR ENTIRE VOCABULARY 838 00:24:38,110 --> 00:24:39,455 TO 11 YEARS. AND YOUR ENTIRE VOCABULARY CONSISTS OF FIVE WORDS. 839 00:24:39,479 --> 00:24:41,022 AND YOUR ENTIRE VOCABULARY CONSISTS OF FIVE WORDS. [Chuckling] THAT'S TRUE. 840 00:24:41,046 --> 00:24:44,326 CONSISTS OF FIVE WORDS. [Chuckling] THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 841 00:24:44,350 --> 00:24:45,928 [Chuckling] THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. IT IS TRULY AMAZING THAT YOU 842 00:24:45,952 --> 00:24:47,463 YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. IT IS TRULY AMAZING THAT YOU HAVE OVERCOME SUCH A HANDICAP 843 00:24:47,487 --> 00:24:48,997 IT IS TRULY AMAZING THAT YOU HAVE OVERCOME SUCH A HANDICAP AND HAVE ACCOMPLISHED SO MUCH. 844 00:24:49,021 --> 00:24:49,898 HAVE OVERCOME SUCH A HANDICAP AND HAVE ACCOMPLISHED SO MUCH. THAT'S TRUE. 845 00:24:49,922 --> 00:24:51,299 AND HAVE ACCOMPLISHED SO MUCH. THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 846 00:24:51,323 --> 00:24:53,001 THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. I GUESS IT JUST GOES TO SHOW 847 00:24:53,025 --> 00:24:54,503 YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. I GUESS IT JUST GOES TO SHOW WHAT A LAND OF OPPORTUNITY 848 00:24:54,527 --> 00:24:56,104 I GUESS IT JUST GOES TO SHOW WHAT A LAND OF OPPORTUNITY AMERICA REALLY IS. 849 00:24:56,128 --> 00:24:57,473 WHAT A LAND OF OPPORTUNITY AMERICA REALLY IS. THAT'S TRUE. 850 00:24:57,497 --> 00:25:00,909 AMERICA REALLY IS. THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 851 00:25:00,933 --> 00:25:02,210 THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. YOU SLEEP IN A WEDDING GOWN, 852 00:25:02,234 --> 00:25:02,744 YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. YOU SLEEP IN A WEDDING GOWN, DON'T YOU? 853 00:25:02,768 --> 00:25:03,445 YOU SLEEP IN A WEDDING GOWN, DON'T YOU? THAT'S TRUE. 854 00:25:03,469 --> 00:25:04,513 DON'T YOU? THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 855 00:25:04,537 --> 00:25:05,581 THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. IS IT TRUE THAT YOU'RE 856 00:25:05,605 --> 00:25:06,615 YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. IS IT TRUE THAT YOU'RE WEARING UNDERWEAR MARKED 857 00:25:06,639 --> 00:25:07,148 IS IT TRUE THAT YOU'RE WEARING UNDERWEAR MARKED "JANUARY"? 858 00:25:07,172 --> 00:25:07,883 WEARING UNDERWEAR MARKED "JANUARY"? THAT'S TRUE. 859 00:25:07,907 --> 00:25:08,917 "JANUARY"? THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 860 00:25:08,941 --> 00:25:10,118 THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. WELL, WE COULD GO ON LIKE 861 00:25:10,142 --> 00:25:10,819 YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. WELL, WE COULD GO ON LIKE THIS ALL NIGHT. 862 00:25:10,843 --> 00:25:11,553 WELL, WE COULD GO ON LIKE THIS ALL NIGHT. THAT'S TRUE. 863 00:25:11,577 --> 00:25:12,588 THIS ALL NIGHT. THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 864 00:25:12,612 --> 00:25:14,723 THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. OH, SHUT THE HELL UP! 865 00:25:14,747 --> 00:25:16,458 YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. OH, SHUT THE HELL UP! THANK YOU FOR JOINING US, AND 866 00:25:16,482 --> 00:25:18,159 OH, SHUT THE HELL UP! THANK YOU FOR JOINING US, AND I URGE ALL OF YOU CONCERNED 867 00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:19,995 THANK YOU FOR JOINING US, AND I URGE ALL OF YOU CONCERNED PARENTS TO READ DR. ROSS' NEW 868 00:25:20,019 --> 00:25:22,297 I URGE ALL OF YOU CONCERNED PARENTS TO READ DR. ROSS' NEW BOOK... 869 00:25:22,321 --> 00:25:23,699 PARENTS TO READ DR. ROSS' NEW BOOK... "THAT'S TRUE... YOU'RE 870 00:25:23,723 --> 00:25:25,033 BOOK... "THAT'S TRUE... YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT." 871 00:25:25,057 --> 00:25:26,935 "THAT'S TRUE... YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT." IT'S FASCINATING READING. 872 00:25:26,959 --> 00:25:27,402 ABSOLUTELY RIGHT." IT'S FASCINATING READING. THAT'S TRUE. 873 00:25:27,426 --> 00:25:28,470 IT'S FASCINATING READING. THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 874 00:25:28,494 --> 00:25:30,628 THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. GOOD NIGHT. 875 00:25:40,171 --> 00:25:43,919 HI, I'M JOHN BELUSHI. I GUESS YOU'VE SEEN ME ON THE SHOW HERE. 876 00:25:43,943 --> 00:25:45,654 I GUESS YOU'VE SEEN ME ON THE SHOW HERE. I'M ONE OF THE ACTORS. 877 00:25:45,678 --> 00:25:47,756 SHOW HERE. I'M ONE OF THE ACTORS. THIS IS MY OFFICE. 878 00:25:47,780 --> 00:25:50,325 I'M ONE OF THE ACTORS. THIS IS MY OFFICE. WELL, NBC HAS ALLOWED ME THIS 879 00:25:50,349 --> 00:25:52,861 THIS IS MY OFFICE. WELL, NBC HAS ALLOWED ME THIS TIME TO MAKE A VERY PERSONAL 880 00:25:52,885 --> 00:25:54,396 WELL, NBC HAS ALLOWED ME THIS TIME TO MAKE A VERY PERSONAL ANNOUNCEMENT. 881 00:25:54,420 --> 00:25:56,999 TIME TO MAKE A VERY PERSONAL ANNOUNCEMENT. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FANS, 882 00:25:57,023 --> 00:25:59,968 ANNOUNCEMENT. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FANS, FRIENDS, I'M ANNOUNCING AT THIS 883 00:25:59,992 --> 00:26:02,704 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FANS, FRIENDS, I'M ANNOUNCING AT THIS TIME THAT I AM RETIRING FROM 884 00:26:02,728 --> 00:26:04,105 FRIENDS, I'M ANNOUNCING AT THIS TIME THAT I AM RETIRING FROM SHOW BUSINESS. 885 00:26:04,129 --> 00:26:06,408 TIME THAT I AM RETIRING FROM SHOW BUSINESS. NOW, THIS WAS NOT A SUDDEN 886 00:26:06,432 --> 00:26:08,243 SHOW BUSINESS. NOW, THIS WAS NOT A SUDDEN DECISION ON MY PART. 887 00:26:08,267 --> 00:26:09,878 NOW, THIS WAS NOT A SUDDEN DECISION ON MY PART. I FEEL THAT THERE ARE OTHERS WHO 888 00:26:09,902 --> 00:26:10,946 DECISION ON MY PART. I FEEL THAT THERE ARE OTHERS WHO CAN MAKE YOU LAUGH. 889 00:26:10,970 --> 00:26:12,581 I FEEL THAT THERE ARE OTHERS WHO CAN MAKE YOU LAUGH. I KNOW THAT BECAUSE I USED TO BE 890 00:26:12,605 --> 00:26:14,550 CAN MAKE YOU LAUGH. I KNOW THAT BECAUSE I USED TO BE ONE OF THEM. 891 00:26:14,574 --> 00:26:16,484 I KNOW THAT BECAUSE I USED TO BE ONE OF THEM. I'M QUITTING THE BUSINESS 892 00:26:16,508 --> 00:26:18,687 ONE OF THEM. I'M QUITTING THE BUSINESS BECAUSE I FEEL MY CONTRIBUTION 893 00:26:18,711 --> 00:26:19,855 I'M QUITTING THE BUSINESS BECAUSE I FEEL MY CONTRIBUTION IS NOT ACTING. 894 00:26:19,879 --> 00:26:21,957 BECAUSE I FEEL MY CONTRIBUTION IS NOT ACTING. MY CONTRIBUTION TO MANKIND IS 895 00:26:21,981 --> 00:26:23,425 IS NOT ACTING. MY CONTRIBUTION TO MANKIND IS NOT TO BE AN ACTOR. 896 00:26:23,449 --> 00:26:25,527 MY CONTRIBUTION TO MANKIND IS NOT TO BE AN ACTOR. MY TRUE DESTINY IS TO WIN THE 897 00:26:25,551 --> 00:26:27,362 NOT TO BE AN ACTOR. MY TRUE DESTINY IS TO WIN THE OLYMPIC GOLD MEDAL IN THE 898 00:26:27,386 --> 00:26:29,631 MY TRUE DESTINY IS TO WIN THE OLYMPIC GOLD MEDAL IN THE DECATHLON AT THE MOSCOW GAMES IN 899 00:26:29,655 --> 00:26:31,867 OLYMPIC GOLD MEDAL IN THE DECATHLON AT THE MOSCOW GAMES IN 1980. 900 00:26:31,891 --> 00:26:34,036 DECATHLON AT THE MOSCOW GAMES IN 1980. THE DECATHLON... 10 GRUELING 901 00:26:34,060 --> 00:26:36,237 1980. THE DECATHLON... 10 GRUELING EVENTS... FROM THE 100 METERS 902 00:26:36,261 --> 00:26:38,540 THE DECATHLON... 10 GRUELING EVENTS... FROM THE 100 METERS TO THE 1,500-METER RUN... THE 903 00:26:38,564 --> 00:26:39,541 EVENTS... FROM THE 100 METERS TO THE 1,500-METER RUN... THE ULTIMATE TEST. 904 00:26:39,565 --> 00:26:41,176 TO THE 1,500-METER RUN... THE ULTIMATE TEST. AND THE WINNER CAN TRULY BE 905 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:42,844 ULTIMATE TEST. AND THE WINNER CAN TRULY BE CALLED THE WORLD'S GREATEST 906 00:26:42,868 --> 00:26:43,645 AND THE WINNER CAN TRULY BE CALLED THE WORLD'S GREATEST ATHLETE. 907 00:26:43,669 --> 00:26:45,180 CALLED THE WORLD'S GREATEST ATHLETE. THAT IS MY DESTINY. 908 00:26:45,204 --> 00:26:47,515 ATHLETE. THAT IS MY DESTINY. OF COURSE, I'LL HAVE TO QUIT THE 909 00:26:47,539 --> 00:26:49,751 THAT IS MY DESTINY. OF COURSE, I'LL HAVE TO QUIT THE SHOW AND DEVOTE ALL OF MY TIME 910 00:26:49,775 --> 00:26:50,953 OF COURSE, I'LL HAVE TO QUIT THE SHOW AND DEVOTE ALL OF MY TIME TO TRAINING. 911 00:26:50,977 --> 00:26:53,388 SHOW AND DEVOTE ALL OF MY TIME TO TRAINING. UNFORTUNATELY, I HAVEN'T SAVED 912 00:26:53,412 --> 00:26:55,958 TO TRAINING. UNFORTUNATELY, I HAVEN'T SAVED ANY MONEY FROM THIS SHOW TO LIVE 913 00:26:55,982 --> 00:26:57,759 UNFORTUNATELY, I HAVEN'T SAVED ANY MONEY FROM THIS SHOW TO LIVE ON UNTIL THEN. 914 00:26:57,783 --> 00:27:00,796 ANY MONEY FROM THIS SHOW TO LIVE ON UNTIL THEN. THAT'S WHY I'M SELLING THESE... 915 00:27:00,820 --> 00:27:02,798 ON UNTIL THEN. THAT'S WHY I'M SELLING THESE... OLYMPIC GOLD COINS, WITH THE 916 00:27:02,822 --> 00:27:04,733 THAT'S WHY I'M SELLING THESE... OLYMPIC GOLD COINS, WITH THE MASK OF COMEDY AND TRAGEDY ON 917 00:27:04,757 --> 00:27:06,602 OLYMPIC GOLD COINS, WITH THE MASK OF COMEDY AND TRAGEDY ON ONE SIDE AND THE LIKENESS OF 918 00:27:06,626 --> 00:27:08,570 MASK OF COMEDY AND TRAGEDY ON ONE SIDE AND THE LIKENESS OF MYSELF CLEARING THE HEIGHT OF 919 00:27:08,594 --> 00:27:10,438 ONE SIDE AND THE LIKENESS OF MYSELF CLEARING THE HEIGHT OF 8'2" IN THE HIGH JUMP ON THE 920 00:27:10,462 --> 00:27:11,073 MYSELF CLEARING THE HEIGHT OF 8'2" IN THE HIGH JUMP ON THE OTHER. 921 00:27:11,097 --> 00:27:13,008 8'2" IN THE HIGH JUMP ON THE OTHER. [OLYMPICS THEME PLAYS] 922 00:27:13,032 --> 00:27:14,843 OTHER. [OLYMPICS THEME PLAYS] NOW, WE ALL KNOW THAT THE 923 00:27:14,867 --> 00:27:17,012 [OLYMPICS THEME PLAYS] NOW, WE ALL KNOW THAT THE RUSSIAN ATHLETES ARE SUPPORTED 924 00:27:17,036 --> 00:27:18,480 NOW, WE ALL KNOW THAT THE RUSSIAN ATHLETES ARE SUPPORTED BY COMMUNIST MONEY. 925 00:27:18,504 --> 00:27:20,315 RUSSIAN ATHLETES ARE SUPPORTED BY COMMUNIST MONEY. OLYMPIANS LIKE MYSELF ARE 926 00:27:20,339 --> 00:27:21,783 BY COMMUNIST MONEY. OLYMPIANS LIKE MYSELF ARE SUPPORTED SOLELY BY 927 00:27:21,807 --> 00:27:23,752 OLYMPIANS LIKE MYSELF ARE SUPPORTED SOLELY BY FREE-ENTERPRISE MONEY, YOUR 928 00:27:23,776 --> 00:27:24,486 SUPPORTED SOLELY BY FREE-ENTERPRISE MONEY, YOUR MONEY. 929 00:27:24,510 --> 00:27:26,755 FREE-ENTERPRISE MONEY, YOUR MONEY. THINK OF IT AS AN INVESTMENT, OR 930 00:27:26,779 --> 00:27:30,092 MONEY. THINK OF IT AS AN INVESTMENT, OR A RIP-OFF, I DON'T CARE. 931 00:27:30,116 --> 00:27:32,193 THINK OF IT AS AN INVESTMENT, OR A RIP-OFF, I DON'T CARE. BECAUSE FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE, I'M 932 00:27:32,217 --> 00:27:34,229 A RIP-OFF, I DON'T CARE. BECAUSE FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE, I'M NOT GOING FOR THE LAUGH. 933 00:27:34,253 --> 00:27:37,065 BECAUSE FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE, I'M NOT GOING FOR THE LAUGH. I'M GOING FOR THE GOLD. 934 00:27:37,089 --> 00:27:43,171 NOT GOING FOR THE LAUGH. I'M GOING FOR THE GOLD. Announcer: SEND $5 TO... 935 00:27:43,195 --> 00:27:45,340 I'M GOING FOR THE GOLD. Announcer: SEND $5 TO... SEE YOU IN MOSCOW IN 1980. 936 00:27:45,364 --> 00:27:49,811 Announcer: SEND $5 TO... SEE YOU IN MOSCOW IN 1980. BE THERE. 937 00:27:49,835 --> 00:27:51,702 SEE YOU IN MOSCOW IN 1980. BE THERE. TWO. 938 00:28:01,046 --> 00:28:04,459 Announcer: AND NOW "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH JANE CURTIN. 939 00:28:04,483 --> 00:28:06,261 "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH JANE CURTIN. BEFORE I BEGIN, LET ME JUST 940 00:28:06,285 --> 00:28:07,829 JANE CURTIN. BEFORE I BEGIN, LET ME JUST SAY THAT MANY OF YOU HAVE 941 00:28:07,853 --> 00:28:09,731 BEFORE I BEGIN, LET ME JUST SAY THAT MANY OF YOU HAVE WRITTEN IN, ASKING IF THAT NOISE 942 00:28:09,755 --> 00:28:11,399 SAY THAT MANY OF YOU HAVE WRITTEN IN, ASKING IF THAT NOISE YOU HEAR IS A REAL TELETYPE 943 00:28:11,423 --> 00:28:13,268 WRITTEN IN, ASKING IF THAT NOISE YOU HEAR IS A REAL TELETYPE MACHINE OR JUST A SOUND EFFECT. 944 00:28:13,292 --> 00:28:14,602 YOU HEAR IS A REAL TELETYPE MACHINE OR JUST A SOUND EFFECT. THANK YOU FOR ASKING. 945 00:28:14,626 --> 00:28:19,107 MACHINE OR JUST A SOUND EFFECT. THANK YOU FOR ASKING. WE APPRECIATE YOUR CONCERN. 946 00:28:19,131 --> 00:28:20,642 THANK YOU FOR ASKING. WE APPRECIATE YOUR CONCERN. OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... 947 00:28:20,666 --> 00:28:22,243 WE APPRECIATE YOUR CONCERN. OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... HUSTLER MAGAZINE PUBLISHER 948 00:28:22,267 --> 00:28:24,212 OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... HUSTLER MAGAZINE PUBLISHER LARRY FLYNT, OUT OF JAIL PENDING 949 00:28:24,236 --> 00:28:26,114 HUSTLER MAGAZINE PUBLISHER LARRY FLYNT, OUT OF JAIL PENDING HIS OBSCENITY CHARGE, THIS WEEK 950 00:28:26,138 --> 00:28:28,083 LARRY FLYNT, OUT OF JAIL PENDING HIS OBSCENITY CHARGE, THIS WEEK HIRED THE NEW YORK YANKEES FOR A 951 00:28:28,107 --> 00:28:29,617 HIS OBSCENITY CHARGE, THIS WEEK HIRED THE NEW YORK YANKEES FOR A CENTERFOLD SPREAD IN HIS 952 00:28:29,641 --> 00:28:30,218 HIRED THE NEW YORK YANKEES FOR A CENTERFOLD SPREAD IN HIS MAGAZINE. 953 00:28:30,242 --> 00:28:31,687 CENTERFOLD SPREAD IN HIS MAGAZINE. MEMBERS OF THE BALL CLUB SHOWN 954 00:28:31,711 --> 00:28:33,055 MAGAZINE. MEMBERS OF THE BALL CLUB SHOWN REHEARSING FOR THE UPCOMING 955 00:28:33,079 --> 00:28:34,355 MEMBERS OF THE BALL CLUB SHOWN REHEARSING FOR THE UPCOMING PHOTO SESSION SAY IT'S THE 956 00:28:34,379 --> 00:28:35,824 REHEARSING FOR THE UPCOMING PHOTO SESSION SAY IT'S THE BIGGEST THING TO HIT BASEBALL 957 00:28:35,848 --> 00:28:37,659 PHOTO SESSION SAY IT'S THE BIGGEST THING TO HIT BASEBALL SINCE THE SUICIDE SQUEEZE 958 00:28:37,683 --> 00:28:40,062 BIGGEST THING TO HIT BASEBALL SINCE THE SUICIDE SQUEEZE DEMONSTRATED HERE. 959 00:28:40,086 --> 00:28:41,830 SINCE THE SUICIDE SQUEEZE DEMONSTRATED HERE. IN A SUDDEN POLICY SHIFT, "THE 960 00:28:41,854 --> 00:28:43,131 DEMONSTRATED HERE. IN A SUDDEN POLICY SHIFT, "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING 961 00:28:43,155 --> 00:28:44,700 IN A SUDDEN POLICY SHIFT, "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JOHNNY CARSON" WILL NOT BE 962 00:28:44,724 --> 00:28:46,367 TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JOHNNY CARSON" WILL NOT BE BROADCAST LIVE STARTING NEXT 963 00:28:46,391 --> 00:28:48,136 JOHNNY CARSON" WILL NOT BE BROADCAST LIVE STARTING NEXT WEEK, AS PREVIOUSLY ANNOUNCED. 964 00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:49,671 BROADCAST LIVE STARTING NEXT WEEK, AS PREVIOUSLY ANNOUNCED. THE DECISION WAS BASED ON 965 00:28:49,695 --> 00:28:51,472 WEEK, AS PREVIOUSLY ANNOUNCED. THE DECISION WAS BASED ON CALIFORNIA'S NEW EUTHANASIA LAW, 966 00:28:51,496 --> 00:28:53,341 THE DECISION WAS BASED ON CALIFORNIA'S NEW EUTHANASIA LAW, WHICH STATES THAT A PROGRAM DOES 967 00:28:53,365 --> 00:28:55,010 CALIFORNIA'S NEW EUTHANASIA LAW, WHICH STATES THAT A PROGRAM DOES NOT HAVE TO BE KEPT ALIVE BY 968 00:28:55,034 --> 00:28:56,678 WHICH STATES THAT A PROGRAM DOES NOT HAVE TO BE KEPT ALIVE BY ARTIFICIAL MEANS AND HAS THE 969 00:28:56,702 --> 00:29:00,582 NOT HAVE TO BE KEPT ALIVE BY ARTIFICIAL MEANS AND HAS THE RIGHT TO A DIGNIFIED DEATH. 970 00:29:00,606 --> 00:29:02,317 ARTIFICIAL MEANS AND HAS THE RIGHT TO A DIGNIFIED DEATH. IN A SURPRISE ANNOUNCEMENT THIS 971 00:29:02,341 --> 00:29:03,985 RIGHT TO A DIGNIFIED DEATH. IN A SURPRISE ANNOUNCEMENT THIS WEEK, LILLIAN CARTER SAID SHE 972 00:29:04,009 --> 00:29:05,721 IN A SURPRISE ANNOUNCEMENT THIS WEEK, LILLIAN CARTER SAID SHE WILL MARRY HEAVYWEIGHT WRESTLER 973 00:29:05,745 --> 00:29:07,488 WEEK, LILLIAN CARTER SAID SHE WILL MARRY HEAVYWEIGHT WRESTLER GORILLA KOWALSKI. 974 00:29:07,512 --> 00:29:08,990 WILL MARRY HEAVYWEIGHT WRESTLER GORILLA KOWALSKI. THE 78-YEAR-OLD PRESIDENTIAL 975 00:29:09,014 --> 00:29:10,692 GORILLA KOWALSKI. THE 78-YEAR-OLD PRESIDENTIAL MOTHER SAID SHE AND KOWALSKI MET 976 00:29:10,716 --> 00:29:12,260 THE 78-YEAR-OLD PRESIDENTIAL MOTHER SAID SHE AND KOWALSKI MET WHEN SHE VISITED HIS TRAINING 977 00:29:12,284 --> 00:29:13,661 MOTHER SAID SHE AND KOWALSKI MET WHEN SHE VISITED HIS TRAINING CAMP IN GEORGIA, WHERE THEY 978 00:29:13,685 --> 00:29:15,130 WHEN SHE VISITED HIS TRAINING CAMP IN GEORGIA, WHERE THEY WRESTLED FOR PHOTOGRAPHERS. 979 00:29:15,154 --> 00:29:16,732 CAMP IN GEORGIA, WHERE THEY WRESTLED FOR PHOTOGRAPHERS. SAID MISS LILLIAN, "I BEAT HIM 980 00:29:16,756 --> 00:29:18,333 WRESTLED FOR PHOTOGRAPHERS. SAID MISS LILLIAN, "I BEAT HIM TWO OUT OF THREE FALLS, AND HE 981 00:29:18,357 --> 00:29:19,601 SAID MISS LILLIAN, "I BEAT HIM TWO OUT OF THREE FALLS, AND HE PROPOSED ON THE SPOT." 982 00:29:19,625 --> 00:29:21,136 TWO OUT OF THREE FALLS, AND HE PROPOSED ON THE SPOT." KOWALSKI, WHO WAS PREVIOUSLY 983 00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:22,704 PROPOSED ON THE SPOT." KOWALSKI, WHO WAS PREVIOUSLY MARRIED TO ELEANOR ROOSEVELT, 984 00:29:22,728 --> 00:29:24,639 KOWALSKI, WHO WAS PREVIOUSLY MARRIED TO ELEANOR ROOSEVELT, BESS TRUMAN, MAMIE EISENHOWER, 985 00:29:24,663 --> 00:29:26,541 MARRIED TO ELEANOR ROOSEVELT, BESS TRUMAN, MAMIE EISENHOWER, AND ROSE KENNEDY SAID, "I JUST 986 00:29:26,565 --> 00:29:28,409 BESS TRUMAN, MAMIE EISENHOWER, AND ROSE KENNEDY SAID, "I JUST CAN'T STAY AWAY FROM VERY OLD 987 00:29:28,433 --> 00:29:30,045 AND ROSE KENNEDY SAID, "I JUST CAN'T STAY AWAY FROM VERY OLD LADIES WHO ARE RELATED TO 988 00:29:30,069 --> 00:29:30,979 CAN'T STAY AWAY FROM VERY OLD LADIES WHO ARE RELATED TO PRESIDENTS." 989 00:29:31,003 --> 00:29:32,748 LADIES WHO ARE RELATED TO PRESIDENTS." "WEEKEND UPDATE" WISHES THE 990 00:29:32,772 --> 00:29:35,383 PRESIDENTS." "WEEKEND UPDATE" WISHES THE COUPLE ALL THE BEST. 991 00:29:35,407 --> 00:29:36,818 "WEEKEND UPDATE" WISHES THE COUPLE ALL THE BEST. FRENCH OFFICIALS, STILL 992 00:29:36,842 --> 00:29:38,653 COUPLE ALL THE BEST. FRENCH OFFICIALS, STILL CONCERNED OVER RECENT AIRPLANE 993 00:29:38,677 --> 00:29:40,355 FRENCH OFFICIALS, STILL CONCERNED OVER RECENT AIRPLANE HIJACKINGS, STEPPED UP THEIR 994 00:29:40,379 --> 00:29:42,224 CONCERNED OVER RECENT AIRPLANE HIJACKINGS, STEPPED UP THEIR AIRPORT-SURVEILLANCE PROCEDURES 995 00:29:42,248 --> 00:29:44,059 HIJACKINGS, STEPPED UP THEIR AIRPORT-SURVEILLANCE PROCEDURES THIS WEEK AND CONVERTED 996 00:29:44,083 --> 00:29:46,394 AIRPORT-SURVEILLANCE PROCEDURES THIS WEEK AND CONVERTED THE ARC DE TRIOMPHE INTO A VERY 997 00:29:46,418 --> 00:29:48,096 THIS WEEK AND CONVERTED THE ARC DE TRIOMPHE INTO A VERY LARGE METAL DETECTOR. 998 00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:49,865 THE ARC DE TRIOMPHE INTO A VERY LARGE METAL DETECTOR. PASSENGERS ARE SHOWN HERE BEING 999 00:29:49,889 --> 00:29:51,599 LARGE METAL DETECTOR. PASSENGERS ARE SHOWN HERE BEING SCREENED FOR A CONCORDE FLIGHT 1000 00:29:51,623 --> 00:29:53,268 PASSENGERS ARE SHOWN HERE BEING SCREENED FOR A CONCORDE FLIGHT TO RIO DE JANEIRO. 1001 00:29:53,292 --> 00:29:57,839 SCREENED FOR A CONCORDE FLIGHT TO RIO DE JANEIRO. [ALARM SOUNDING] 1002 00:29:57,863 --> 00:29:59,274 TO RIO DE JANEIRO. [ALARM SOUNDING] [LAUGHTER] 1003 00:29:59,298 --> 00:30:00,942 [ALARM SOUNDING] [LAUGHTER] THE FOOD AND DRUG ADMINISTRATION 1004 00:30:00,966 --> 00:30:02,577 [LAUGHTER] THE FOOD AND DRUG ADMINISTRATION RELEASED A REPORT THIS WEEK THAT 1005 00:30:02,601 --> 00:30:04,012 THE FOOD AND DRUG ADMINISTRATION RELEASED A REPORT THIS WEEK THAT SAYS THAT THREE OUT OF FOUR 1006 00:30:04,036 --> 00:30:05,580 RELEASED A REPORT THIS WEEK THAT SAYS THAT THREE OUT OF FOUR DENTISTS RECOMMEND SUGARCOATED 1007 00:30:05,604 --> 00:30:07,182 SAYS THAT THREE OUT OF FOUR DENTISTS RECOMMEND SUGARCOATED GUM FOR THEIR PATIENTS WHO FEAR 1008 00:30:07,206 --> 00:30:08,950 DENTISTS RECOMMEND SUGARCOATED GUM FOR THEIR PATIENTS WHO FEAR CANCER. 1009 00:30:08,974 --> 00:30:10,852 GUM FOR THEIR PATIENTS WHO FEAR CANCER. AND IN A RELATED STORY, THE FOOD 1010 00:30:10,876 --> 00:30:12,520 CANCER. AND IN A RELATED STORY, THE FOOD AND DRUG ADMINISTRATION HAS 1011 00:30:12,544 --> 00:30:14,256 AND IN A RELATED STORY, THE FOOD AND DRUG ADMINISTRATION HAS ANNOUNCED THAT IN ADDITION TO 1012 00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:16,158 AND DRUG ADMINISTRATION HAS ANNOUNCED THAT IN ADDITION TO SACCHARINE, IT IS ALSO PLACING A 1013 00:30:16,182 --> 00:30:17,926 ANNOUNCED THAT IN ADDITION TO SACCHARINE, IT IS ALSO PLACING A BAN ON FLORENCE HENDERSON AND 1014 00:30:17,950 --> 00:30:19,560 SACCHARINE, IT IS ALSO PLACING A BAN ON FLORENCE HENDERSON AND DAVID HARTMAN, EFFECTIVE IN 1015 00:30:19,584 --> 00:30:22,463 BAN ON FLORENCE HENDERSON AND DAVID HARTMAN, EFFECTIVE IN JULY. 1016 00:30:22,487 --> 00:30:24,599 DAVID HARTMAN, EFFECTIVE IN JULY. AND NOW WITH A SPECIAL REMOTE, 1017 00:30:24,623 --> 00:30:26,067 JULY. AND NOW WITH A SPECIAL REMOTE, WE TAKE YOU LIVE TO 1018 00:30:26,091 --> 00:30:29,003 AND NOW WITH A SPECIAL REMOTE, WE TAKE YOU LIVE TO CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN. 1019 00:30:29,027 --> 00:30:30,928 JANE, I'M STANDING HERE WITH 1020 00:30:31,062 --> 00:30:32,863 MUHAMMAD ALI, THE HEAVYWEIGHT 1021 00:30:32,997 --> 00:30:34,231 CHAMP OF THE WORLD. 1022 00:30:34,365 --> 00:30:35,999 RECENTLY, HE SAW THE MOVIE 1023 00:30:36,134 --> 00:30:38,035 "ROCKY," AND THE CHAMP HAS SOME 1024 00:30:38,169 --> 00:30:39,703 WORDS ABOUT IT. 1025 00:30:39,971 --> 00:30:42,717 YEAH, I AM THE CHAMP OF THE WORLD. TO ALL, THIS IS KNOWN. 1026 00:30:42,741 --> 00:30:43,952 WORLD. TO ALL, THIS IS KNOWN. NOW, LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS 1027 00:30:43,976 --> 00:30:45,453 TO ALL, THIS IS KNOWN. NOW, LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS TURKEY SYLVESTER STALLONE. 1028 00:30:45,477 --> 00:30:47,088 NOW, LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS TURKEY SYLVESTER STALLONE. TO GO MAKE A MOVIE AND CALL A 1029 00:30:47,112 --> 00:30:48,723 TURKEY SYLVESTER STALLONE. TO GO MAKE A MOVIE AND CALL A CHAMP "ROCKY"... SOME CALL IT 1030 00:30:48,747 --> 00:30:50,358 TO GO MAKE A MOVIE AND CALL A CHAMP "ROCKY"... SOME CALL IT GENIUS, BUT I CALLS IT COCKY. 1031 00:30:50,382 --> 00:30:51,759 CHAMP "ROCKY"... SOME CALL IT GENIUS, BUT I CALLS IT COCKY. SO, I DECIDED TO MOUNT A 1032 00:30:51,783 --> 00:30:52,694 GENIUS, BUT I CALLS IT COCKY. SO, I DECIDED TO MOUNT A COUNTERATTACK. 1033 00:30:52,718 --> 00:30:54,129 SO, I DECIDED TO MOUNT A COUNTERATTACK. I'M GONNA WRITE, PRODUCE, 1034 00:30:54,153 --> 00:30:55,897 COUNTERATTACK. I'M GONNA WRITE, PRODUCE, DIRECT, AND ACT IN "ON THE 1035 00:30:55,921 --> 00:30:57,966 I'M GONNA WRITE, PRODUCE, DIRECT, AND ACT IN "ON THE WATERFRONT," BUT I'LL REMAKE IT 1036 00:30:57,990 --> 00:30:59,968 DIRECT, AND ACT IN "ON THE WATERFRONT," BUT I'LL REMAKE IT IN BLACK, SO EVEN MARLON BRANDO 1037 00:30:59,992 --> 00:31:01,903 WATERFRONT," BUT I'LL REMAKE IT IN BLACK, SO EVEN MARLON BRANDO BETTER STEP BACK AS I PORTRAY 1038 00:31:01,927 --> 00:31:04,039 IN BLACK, SO EVEN MARLON BRANDO BETTER STEP BACK AS I PORTRAY THE YOUNG IRISH BOY KNOWN TO THE 1039 00:31:04,063 --> 00:31:05,740 BETTER STEP BACK AS I PORTRAY THE YOUNG IRISH BOY KNOWN TO THE WORLD AS TERRY MALLOY. 1040 00:31:05,764 --> 00:31:08,009 THE YOUNG IRISH BOY KNOWN TO THE WORLD AS TERRY MALLOY. WELL, THEN, MUHAMMAD, I GUESS 1041 00:31:08,033 --> 00:31:09,978 WORLD AS TERRY MALLOY. WELL, THEN, MUHAMMAD, I GUESS YOU MIGHT SAY THAT A BLACK, 1042 00:31:10,002 --> 00:31:11,913 WELL, THEN, MUHAMMAD, I GUESS YOU MIGHT SAY THAT A BLACK, IRISH MUSLIM IS WHAT YOU'LL 1043 00:31:11,937 --> 00:31:12,714 YOU MIGHT SAY THAT A BLACK, IRISH MUSLIM IS WHAT YOU'LL PORTRAY. 1044 00:31:12,738 --> 00:31:14,649 IRISH MUSLIM IS WHAT YOU'LL PORTRAY. AND AS YOU'RE THE CHAMP AT ALL 1045 00:31:14,673 --> 00:31:16,617 PORTRAY. AND AS YOU'RE THE CHAMP AT ALL YOU DO, I KNOW YOU'LL BE CHAMP 1046 00:31:16,641 --> 00:31:17,719 AND AS YOU'RE THE CHAMP AT ALL YOU DO, I KNOW YOU'LL BE CHAMP AT ACTING, TOO. 1047 00:31:17,743 --> 00:31:19,187 YOU DO, I KNOW YOU'LL BE CHAMP AT ACTING, TOO. YEAH, I'VE BEEN TRAINING REAL 1048 00:31:19,211 --> 00:31:19,587 AT ACTING, TOO. YEAH, I'VE BEEN TRAINING REAL HARD. 1049 00:31:19,611 --> 00:31:21,056 YEAH, I'VE BEEN TRAINING REAL HARD. AND WHEN MY TRAINING IS THROUGH, 1050 00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:22,290 HARD. AND WHEN MY TRAINING IS THROUGH, I TELL YOU EXACTLY WHAT I'M 1051 00:31:22,314 --> 00:31:22,858 AND WHEN MY TRAINING IS THROUGH, I TELL YOU EXACTLY WHAT I'M GONNA DO. 1052 00:31:22,882 --> 00:31:24,592 I TELL YOU EXACTLY WHAT I'M GONNA DO. I'M GONNA WHOP FRED WILLIAMSON. 1053 00:31:24,616 --> 00:31:25,727 GONNA DO. I'M GONNA WHOP FRED WILLIAMSON. THEN I'M GONNA WHOP 1054 00:31:25,751 --> 00:31:26,594 I'M GONNA WHOP FRED WILLIAMSON. THEN I'M GONNA WHOP O.J. SIMPSON. 1055 00:31:26,618 --> 00:31:28,096 THEN I'M GONNA WHOP O.J. SIMPSON. LeVAR BURTON, HE JUST CAME 1056 00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:29,731 O.J. SIMPSON. LeVAR BURTON, HE JUST CAME OUT, GONNA WATCH HIM, SEE WHAT 1057 00:31:29,755 --> 00:31:30,498 LeVAR BURTON, HE JUST CAME OUT, GONNA WATCH HIM, SEE WHAT HE'S ABOUT. 1058 00:31:30,522 --> 00:31:32,133 OUT, GONNA WATCH HIM, SEE WHAT HE'S ABOUT. THEN I'M GONNA WHOP HIM, TOO, 1059 00:31:32,157 --> 00:31:33,368 HE'S ABOUT. THEN I'M GONNA WHOP HIM, TOO, BEFORE I'M THROUGH. 1060 00:31:33,392 --> 00:31:34,870 THEN I'M GONNA WHOP HIM, TOO, BEFORE I'M THROUGH. YEAH, BUT RIGHT NOW, I'M 1061 00:31:34,894 --> 00:31:36,704 BEFORE I'M THROUGH. YEAH, BUT RIGHT NOW, I'M CASTING THIS MOVIE BECAUSE IT'S 1062 00:31:36,728 --> 00:31:38,573 YEAH, BUT RIGHT NOW, I'M CASTING THIS MOVIE BECAUSE IT'S CLOSE TO MY HEART, AND I NEED A 1063 00:31:38,597 --> 00:31:40,308 CASTING THIS MOVIE BECAUSE IT'S CLOSE TO MY HEART, AND I NEED A WOMAN TO PLAY A SPECIAL PART. 1064 00:31:40,332 --> 00:31:41,409 CLOSE TO MY HEART, AND I NEED A WOMAN TO PLAY A SPECIAL PART. SHE IS GONNA PLAY THE 1065 00:31:41,433 --> 00:31:42,878 WOMAN TO PLAY A SPECIAL PART. SHE IS GONNA PLAY THE GIRLFRIEND, SO SHE'S GOT TO BE 1066 00:31:42,902 --> 00:31:44,346 SHE IS GONNA PLAY THE GIRLFRIEND, SO SHE'S GOT TO BE RIGHT, 'CAUSE AS YOU REMEMBER, 1067 00:31:44,370 --> 00:31:46,014 GIRLFRIEND, SO SHE'S GOT TO BE RIGHT, 'CAUSE AS YOU REMEMBER, THE GIRLFRIEND WAS WHITE. 1068 00:31:46,038 --> 00:31:47,916 RIGHT, 'CAUSE AS YOU REMEMBER, THE GIRLFRIEND WAS WHITE. WELL, I'VE ALWAYS WONDERED 1069 00:31:47,940 --> 00:31:49,918 THE GIRLFRIEND WAS WHITE. WELL, I'VE ALWAYS WONDERED HOW IT WOULD BE TO BE STUNG BY 1070 00:31:49,942 --> 00:31:52,420 WELL, I'VE ALWAYS WONDERED HOW IT WOULD BE TO BE STUNG BY A BUTTERFLY WHO FLOATS LIKE A 1071 00:31:52,444 --> 00:31:53,989 HOW IT WOULD BE TO BE STUNG BY A BUTTERFLY WHO FLOATS LIKE A BEE. 1072 00:31:54,013 --> 00:31:55,623 A BUTTERFLY WHO FLOATS LIKE A BEE. THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN 1073 00:31:55,647 --> 00:31:56,992 BEE. THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN SIGNING OFF. 1074 00:31:57,016 --> 00:32:02,764 THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN SIGNING OFF. BACK TO YOU, JANE. 1075 00:32:02,788 --> 00:32:04,332 SIGNING OFF. BACK TO YOU, JANE. A CORRECTION TO A STORY 1076 00:32:04,356 --> 00:32:05,566 BACK TO YOU, JANE. A CORRECTION TO A STORY RECENTLY REPORTED ON 1077 00:32:05,590 --> 00:32:06,768 A CORRECTION TO A STORY RECENTLY REPORTED ON "WEEKEND UPDATE"... 1078 00:32:06,792 --> 00:32:08,370 RECENTLY REPORTED ON "WEEKEND UPDATE"... LAST WEEK, WE INADVERTENTLY 1079 00:32:08,394 --> 00:32:10,238 "WEEKEND UPDATE"... LAST WEEK, WE INADVERTENTLY REPORTED THAT THE MUSLIM PROPHET 1080 00:32:10,262 --> 00:32:12,107 LAST WEEK, WE INADVERTENTLY REPORTED THAT THE MUSLIM PROPHET MUHAMMAD IS A BRAND OF CHOCOLATE 1081 00:32:12,131 --> 00:32:12,740 REPORTED THAT THE MUSLIM PROPHET MUHAMMAD IS A BRAND OF CHOCOLATE PUDDING. 1082 00:32:12,764 --> 00:32:14,242 MUHAMMAD IS A BRAND OF CHOCOLATE PUDDING. WELL, WE STAND CORRECTED. 1083 00:32:14,266 --> 00:32:15,977 PUDDING. WELL, WE STAND CORRECTED. WHAT WE MEANT TO SAY WAS THAT 1084 00:32:16,001 --> 00:32:17,412 WELL, WE STAND CORRECTED. WHAT WE MEANT TO SAY WAS THAT THE SOUND WAVES FROM THE 1085 00:32:17,436 --> 00:32:19,180 WHAT WE MEANT TO SAY WAS THAT THE SOUND WAVES FROM THE CONCORDE SST CAUSE CHILDREN'S 1086 00:32:19,204 --> 00:32:20,982 THE SOUND WAVES FROM THE CONCORDE SST CAUSE CHILDREN'S SEX GLANDS TO MATURE AT THE AGE 1087 00:32:21,006 --> 00:32:23,184 CONCORDE SST CAUSE CHILDREN'S SEX GLANDS TO MATURE AT THE AGE OF 3. 1088 00:32:23,208 --> 00:32:24,652 SEX GLANDS TO MATURE AT THE AGE OF 3. MARGARET TRUDEAU, WIFE OF 1089 00:32:24,676 --> 00:32:26,054 OF 3. MARGARET TRUDEAU, WIFE OF CANADIAN PRIME MINISTER 1090 00:32:26,078 --> 00:32:27,655 MARGARET TRUDEAU, WIFE OF CANADIAN PRIME MINISTER PIERRE ELLIOTT TRUDEAU, THIS 1091 00:32:27,679 --> 00:32:29,424 CANADIAN PRIME MINISTER PIERRE ELLIOTT TRUDEAU, THIS WEEK DENIED THAT SHE WAS HAVING 1092 00:32:29,448 --> 00:32:31,126 PIERRE ELLIOTT TRUDEAU, THIS WEEK DENIED THAT SHE WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH MICK JAGGER OF 1093 00:32:31,150 --> 00:32:32,294 WEEK DENIED THAT SHE WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH MICK JAGGER OF THE ROLLING STONES. 1094 00:32:32,318 --> 00:32:33,861 AN AFFAIR WITH MICK JAGGER OF THE ROLLING STONES. JAGGER ALSO DENIED THE RUMOR, 1095 00:32:33,885 --> 00:32:35,297 THE ROLLING STONES. JAGGER ALSO DENIED THE RUMOR, REPORTEDLY SAYING HE HASN'T 1096 00:32:35,321 --> 00:32:36,864 JAGGER ALSO DENIED THE RUMOR, REPORTEDLY SAYING HE HASN'T FOOLED AROUND WITH A CANADIAN 1097 00:32:36,888 --> 00:32:37,999 REPORTEDLY SAYING HE HASN'T FOOLED AROUND WITH A CANADIAN SINCE HE PLAYED WITH 1098 00:32:38,023 --> 00:32:39,467 FOOLED AROUND WITH A CANADIAN SINCE HE PLAYED WITH GUY LOMBARDO'S HORN SOME 15 1099 00:32:39,491 --> 00:32:43,204 SINCE HE PLAYED WITH GUY LOMBARDO'S HORN SOME 15 YEARS AGO. 1100 00:32:43,228 --> 00:32:45,273 GUY LOMBARDO'S HORN SOME 15 YEARS AGO. AND NOW WITH TONIGHT'S 1101 00:32:45,297 --> 00:32:47,342 YEARS AGO. AND NOW WITH TONIGHT'S COMMENTARY IS "UPDATE" 1102 00:32:47,366 --> 00:32:50,912 AND NOW WITH TONIGHT'S COMMENTARY IS "UPDATE" CORRESPONDENT EMILY LITELLA. 1103 00:32:50,936 --> 00:32:55,016 COMMENTARY IS "UPDATE" CORRESPONDENT EMILY LITELLA. WHY, THANK YOU, JANE. 1104 00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:56,151 CORRESPONDENT EMILY LITELLA. WHY, THANK YOU, JANE. I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR THIS 1105 00:32:56,175 --> 00:32:58,186 WHY, THANK YOU, JANE. I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR THIS GEM. 1106 00:32:58,210 --> 00:33:00,021 I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR THIS GEM. WHAT'S ALL THIS FUSS I KEEP 1107 00:33:00,045 --> 00:33:04,214 GEM. WHAT'S ALL THIS FUSS I KEEP HEARING ABOUT ENDANGERED FECES? 1108 00:33:04,482 --> 00:33:06,984 [LAUGHTER] 1109 00:33:07,118 --> 00:33:09,586 NOW, THAT'S OUTRAGEOUS. 1110 00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:12,356 WHY ARE FECES ENDANGERED? 1111 00:33:12,490 --> 00:33:14,424 HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY RUN OUT 1112 00:33:14,558 --> 00:33:16,726 OF SUCH A THING? 1113 00:33:16,995 --> 00:33:20,708 WHY, JUST LOOK AROUND YOU. YOU CAN SEE IT ALL OVER THE PLACE. 1114 00:33:20,732 --> 00:33:23,511 YOU CAN SEE IT ALL OVER THE PLACE. AND BESIDES, WHO WANTS TO SAVE 1115 00:33:23,535 --> 00:33:24,946 PLACE. AND BESIDES, WHO WANTS TO SAVE THAT, ANYWAY? 1116 00:33:24,970 --> 00:33:27,215 AND BESIDES, WHO WANTS TO SAVE THAT, ANYWAY? MY GOODNESS, WHERE WOULD WE KEEP 1117 00:33:27,239 --> 00:33:27,715 THAT, ANYWAY? MY GOODNESS, WHERE WOULD WE KEEP IT? 1118 00:33:27,739 --> 00:33:29,817 MY GOODNESS, WHERE WOULD WE KEEP IT? IT'S DANGEROUS, ESPECIALLY IN 1119 00:33:29,841 --> 00:33:30,785 IT? IT'S DANGEROUS, ESPECIALLY IN THE SUMMER. 1120 00:33:30,809 --> 00:33:32,820 IT'S DANGEROUS, ESPECIALLY IN THE SUMMER. THEN IT COULD REALLY HIT THE 1121 00:33:32,844 --> 00:33:34,856 THE SUMMER. THEN IT COULD REALLY HIT THE FAN. 1122 00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:36,846 THEN IT COULD REALLY HIT THE FAN. [LAUGHING] 1123 00:33:47,158 --> 00:33:55,158 WHAT'S SO FUNNY? OH, MY JOKE. OH, COME ON, MISS CURTIN, DIDN'T 1124 00:33:55,234 --> 00:33:56,844 OH, MY JOKE. OH, COME ON, MISS CURTIN, DIDN'T YOU EVER HEAR THAT ONE ABOUT 1125 00:33:56,868 --> 00:33:58,679 OH, COME ON, MISS CURTIN, DIDN'T YOU EVER HEAR THAT ONE ABOUT HITTING THE FAN? 1126 00:33:58,703 --> 00:34:00,882 YOU EVER HEAR THAT ONE ABOUT HITTING THE FAN? OH, COME ON, YOU OLD SHIKSA. 1127 00:34:00,906 --> 00:34:04,419 HITTING THE FAN? OH, COME ON, YOU OLD SHIKSA. [LAUGHTER] 1128 00:34:04,443 --> 00:34:06,021 OH, COME ON, YOU OLD SHIKSA. [LAUGHTER] WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? 1129 00:34:06,045 --> 00:34:07,155 [LAUGHTER] WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? "SPECIES." 1130 00:34:07,179 --> 00:34:08,423 WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? "SPECIES." WHAT'S THAT? 1131 00:34:08,447 --> 00:34:09,424 "SPECIES." WHAT'S THAT? SPECIES. 1132 00:34:09,448 --> 00:34:11,726 WHAT'S THAT? SPECIES. THE LIST OF ENDANGERED SPECIES. 1133 00:34:11,750 --> 00:34:13,861 SPECIES. THE LIST OF ENDANGERED SPECIES. NOT FECES. 1134 00:34:13,885 --> 00:34:15,096 THE LIST OF ENDANGERED SPECIES. NOT FECES. SPECIES. 1135 00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:17,232 NOT FECES. SPECIES. OHH. 1136 00:34:17,256 --> 00:34:19,200 SPECIES. OHH. OH, I MUST HAVE GOTTEN CARRIED 1137 00:34:19,224 --> 00:34:21,169 OHH. OH, I MUST HAVE GOTTEN CARRIED AWAY. 1138 00:34:21,193 --> 00:34:23,138 OH, I MUST HAVE GOTTEN CARRIED AWAY. NEVER MIND. 1139 00:34:23,162 --> 00:34:30,978 AWAY. NEVER MIND. [APPLAUSE] 1140 00:34:31,002 --> 00:34:32,447 NEVER MIND. [APPLAUSE] IT'S WEARING THIN, EMILY. 1141 00:34:32,471 --> 00:34:33,181 [APPLAUSE] IT'S WEARING THIN, EMILY. WHAT IS? 1142 00:34:33,205 --> 00:34:34,582 IT'S WEARING THIN, EMILY. WHAT IS? THE "NEVER MIND" THING. 1143 00:34:34,606 --> 00:34:36,151 WHAT IS? THE "NEVER MIND" THING. YOU'VE BEEN DOING IT FOR CLOSE 1144 00:34:36,175 --> 00:34:37,085 THE "NEVER MIND" THING. YOU'VE BEEN DOING IT FOR CLOSE TO TWO YEARS. 1145 00:34:37,109 --> 00:34:38,886 YOU'VE BEEN DOING IT FOR CLOSE TO TWO YEARS. AT FIRST, IT WAS CUTE, THEN IT 1146 00:34:38,910 --> 00:34:39,854 TO TWO YEARS. AT FIRST, IT WAS CUTE, THEN IT WAS TOLERABLE. 1147 00:34:39,878 --> 00:34:41,056 AT FIRST, IT WAS CUTE, THEN IT WAS TOLERABLE. NOW IT'S ANNOYING. 1148 00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:42,957 WAS TOLERABLE. NOW IT'S ANNOYING. WELL, I'M SORRY THAT YOU FEEL 1149 00:34:42,981 --> 00:34:43,658 NOW IT'S ANNOYING. WELL, I'M SORRY THAT YOU FEEL THAT WAY. 1150 00:34:43,682 --> 00:34:45,360 WELL, I'M SORRY THAT YOU FEEL THAT WAY. YOU'RE RUINING "UPDATE'S" 1151 00:34:45,384 --> 00:34:47,062 THAT WAY. YOU'RE RUINING "UPDATE'S" CREDIBILITY AS A RESPONSIBLE 1152 00:34:47,086 --> 00:34:47,895 YOU'RE RUINING "UPDATE'S" CREDIBILITY AS A RESPONSIBLE JOURNALIST. 1153 00:34:47,919 --> 00:34:49,330 CREDIBILITY AS A RESPONSIBLE JOURNALIST. OH, MY GOODNESS, MISS CURTIN, 1154 00:34:49,354 --> 00:34:50,665 JOURNALIST. OH, MY GOODNESS, MISS CURTIN, I WOULDN'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING 1155 00:34:50,689 --> 00:34:51,232 OH, MY GOODNESS, MISS CURTIN, I WOULDN'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT. 1156 00:34:51,256 --> 00:34:52,400 I WOULDN'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT. I'M SURE YOU WOULDN'T. 1157 00:34:52,424 --> 00:34:53,634 LIKE THAT. I'M SURE YOU WOULDN'T. SO, WHY DON'T YOU JUST QUIT 1158 00:34:53,658 --> 00:34:54,936 I'M SURE YOU WOULDN'T. SO, WHY DON'T YOU JUST QUIT "UPDATE" AND TRY YOUR HAND AT 1159 00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:55,836 SO, WHY DON'T YOU JUST QUIT "UPDATE" AND TRY YOUR HAND AT SOMETHING ELSE? 1160 00:34:55,860 --> 00:34:57,338 "UPDATE" AND TRY YOUR HAND AT SOMETHING ELSE? WE CAN GET ALONG FINE WITHOUT 1161 00:34:57,362 --> 00:34:57,738 SOMETHING ELSE? WE CAN GET ALONG FINE WITHOUT YOU. 1162 00:34:57,762 --> 00:34:59,941 WE CAN GET ALONG FINE WITHOUT YOU. PERHAPS YOU COULD... 1163 00:34:59,965 --> 00:35:01,276 YOU. PERHAPS YOU COULD... BITCH. 1164 00:35:01,300 --> 00:35:04,212 PERHAPS YOU COULD... BITCH. [LAUGHTER] 1165 00:35:04,236 --> 00:35:05,547 BITCH. [LAUGHTER] THAT'S OUR NEWS FOR TONIGHT. 1166 00:35:05,571 --> 00:35:06,847 [LAUGHTER] THAT'S OUR NEWS FOR TONIGHT. GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT 1167 00:35:06,871 --> 00:35:09,671 THAT'S OUR NEWS FOR TONIGHT. GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW. 1168 00:35:16,714 --> 00:35:21,762 AND NOW I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE RICHARD BASKIN, SINGING A SONG HE WROTE FROM THE MOVIE 1169 00:35:21,786 --> 00:35:22,630 RICHARD BASKIN, SINGING A SONG HE WROTE FROM THE MOVIE "NASHVILLE." 1170 00:35:22,654 --> 00:35:25,233 HE WROTE FROM THE MOVIE "NASHVILLE." IT'S CALLED "ONE, I LOVE YOU." 1171 00:35:25,257 --> 00:35:31,806 "NASHVILLE." IT'S CALLED "ONE, I LOVE YOU." [APPLAUSE] 1172 00:35:31,830 --> 00:35:33,841 IT'S CALLED "ONE, I LOVE YOU." [APPLAUSE] ♪ WHEN I FEEL MY LIFE 1173 00:35:33,865 --> 00:35:36,144 [APPLAUSE] ♪ WHEN I FEEL MY LIFE PERISHING ♪ 1174 00:35:36,168 --> 00:35:39,414 ♪ WHEN I FEEL MY LIFE PERISHING ♪ ♪ I CALL YOU ON THE PHONE ♪ 1175 00:35:39,438 --> 00:35:42,984 PERISHING ♪ ♪ I CALL YOU ON THE PHONE ♪ ♪ YOU ALWAYS FIX ME UP WHEN I 1176 00:35:43,008 --> 00:35:47,255 ♪ I CALL YOU ON THE PHONE ♪ ♪ YOU ALWAYS FIX ME UP WHEN I GET BROKEN ♪ 1177 00:35:47,279 --> 00:35:49,657 ♪ YOU ALWAYS FIX ME UP WHEN I GET BROKEN ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE EVERY TIME THAT I GOT 1178 00:35:49,681 --> 00:35:54,629 GET BROKEN ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE EVERY TIME THAT I GOT HURT AND WENT OUT OF CONTROL ♪ 1179 00:35:54,653 --> 00:35:57,298 ♪ 'CAUSE EVERY TIME THAT I GOT HURT AND WENT OUT OF CONTROL ♪ ♪ YOU KNEW THE FEARS I FELT 1180 00:35:57,322 --> 00:36:01,503 HURT AND WENT OUT OF CONTROL ♪ ♪ YOU KNEW THE FEARS I FELT BEFORE I SPOKE THEM ♪ 1181 00:36:01,527 --> 00:36:06,807 ♪ YOU KNEW THE FEARS I FELT BEFORE I SPOKE THEM ♪ ♪ YOU TELL ME ONE, I LOVE YOU ♪ 1182 00:36:06,831 --> 00:36:10,345 BEFORE I SPOKE THEM ♪ ♪ YOU TELL ME ONE, I LOVE YOU ♪ ♪ AND TWO, I'M THINKING OF YOU ♪ 1183 00:36:10,369 --> 00:36:18,319 ♪ YOU TELL ME ONE, I LOVE YOU ♪ ♪ AND TWO, I'M THINKING OF YOU ♪ ♪ THREE, I'LL NEVER LET YOU GO ♪ 1184 00:36:18,343 --> 00:36:22,457 ♪ AND TWO, I'M THINKING OF YOU ♪ ♪ THREE, I'LL NEVER LET YOU GO ♪ ♪ FOUR, I MISS YOU ♪ 1185 00:36:22,481 --> 00:36:25,660 ♪ THREE, I'LL NEVER LET YOU GO ♪ ♪ FOUR, I MISS YOU ♪ ♪ FIVE, I WANT TO KISS YOU ♪ 1186 00:36:25,684 --> 00:36:29,797 ♪ FOUR, I MISS YOU ♪ ♪ FIVE, I WANT TO KISS YOU ♪ ♪ SIX, I WON'T LEAVE YOU NO 1187 00:36:29,821 --> 00:36:33,501 ♪ FIVE, I WANT TO KISS YOU ♪ ♪ SIX, I WON'T LEAVE YOU NO MORE ♪ 1188 00:36:33,525 --> 00:36:35,436 ♪ SIX, I WON'T LEAVE YOU NO MORE ♪ ♪ I FEEL MY TIME HERE 1189 00:36:35,460 --> 00:36:36,971 MORE ♪ ♪ I FEEL MY TIME HERE VANISHING ♪ 1190 00:36:36,995 --> 00:36:41,042 ♪ I FEEL MY TIME HERE VANISHING ♪ ♪ LIKE WAVES UPON THE SAND ♪ 1191 00:36:41,066 --> 00:36:44,379 VANISHING ♪ ♪ LIKE WAVES UPON THE SAND ♪ ♪ WITH NOTHIN' TO REPLACE IT BUT 1192 00:36:44,403 --> 00:36:47,315 ♪ LIKE WAVES UPON THE SAND ♪ ♪ WITH NOTHIN' TO REPLACE IT BUT INVENTION ♪ 1193 00:36:47,339 --> 00:36:49,984 ♪ WITH NOTHIN' TO REPLACE IT BUT INVENTION ♪ ♪ SO, I MAKE MY RHYMES, AND I 1194 00:36:50,008 --> 00:36:51,486 INVENTION ♪ ♪ SO, I MAKE MY RHYMES, AND I SING MY TUNES ♪ 1195 00:36:51,510 --> 00:36:55,056 ♪ SO, I MAKE MY RHYMES, AND I SING MY TUNES ♪ ♪ STILL, THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND ♪ 1196 00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:58,959 SING MY TUNES ♪ ♪ STILL, THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND ♪ ♪ TO MAKE 'EM DANCE WAS NEVER MY 1197 00:36:58,983 --> 00:37:01,095 ♪ STILL, THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND ♪ ♪ TO MAKE 'EM DANCE WAS NEVER MY INTENTION ♪ 1198 00:37:01,119 --> 00:37:04,865 ♪ TO MAKE 'EM DANCE WAS NEVER MY INTENTION ♪ ♪ AND, DARLIN', ONE, I LOVE 1199 00:37:04,889 --> 00:37:06,467 INTENTION ♪ ♪ AND, DARLIN', ONE, I LOVE YOU ♪ 1200 00:37:06,491 --> 00:37:09,870 ♪ AND, DARLIN', ONE, I LOVE YOU ♪ ♪ TWO, I'M THINKING OF YOU ♪ 1201 00:37:09,894 --> 00:37:16,777 YOU ♪ ♪ TWO, I'M THINKING OF YOU ♪ ♪ THREE, I'LL NEVER LET YOU GO ♪ 1202 00:37:16,801 --> 00:37:20,548 ♪ TWO, I'M THINKING OF YOU ♪ ♪ THREE, I'LL NEVER LET YOU GO ♪ ♪ FOUR, I MISS YOU ♪ 1203 00:37:20,572 --> 00:37:24,552 ♪ THREE, I'LL NEVER LET YOU GO ♪ ♪ FOUR, I MISS YOU ♪ ♪ FIVE, I WANT TO KISS YOU ♪ 1204 00:37:24,576 --> 00:37:27,655 ♪ FOUR, I MISS YOU ♪ ♪ FIVE, I WANT TO KISS YOU ♪ ♪ SIX, I WON'T LEAVE YOU NO 1205 00:37:27,679 --> 00:37:29,957 ♪ FIVE, I WANT TO KISS YOU ♪ ♪ SIX, I WON'T LEAVE YOU NO MORE ♪ 1206 00:37:29,981 --> 00:37:31,092 ♪ SIX, I WON'T LEAVE YOU NO MORE ♪ ♪ AND, DARLIN' ♪ 1207 00:37:31,116 --> 00:37:34,662 MORE ♪ ♪ AND, DARLIN' ♪ ♪ ONE, I LOVE YOU ♪ 1208 00:37:34,686 --> 00:37:37,998 ♪ AND, DARLIN' ♪ ♪ ONE, I LOVE YOU ♪ ♪ TWO, I'M THINKING OF YOU ♪ 1209 00:37:38,022 --> 00:37:45,072 ♪ ONE, I LOVE YOU ♪ ♪ TWO, I'M THINKING OF YOU ♪ ♪ THREE, I'LL NEVER LET YOU GO ♪ 1210 00:37:45,096 --> 00:37:48,476 ♪ TWO, I'M THINKING OF YOU ♪ ♪ THREE, I'LL NEVER LET YOU GO ♪ ♪ AND FOUR, I MISS YOU ♪ 1211 00:37:48,500 --> 00:37:51,812 ♪ THREE, I'LL NEVER LET YOU GO ♪ ♪ AND FOUR, I MISS YOU ♪ ♪ FIVE, I WANT TO KISS YOU ♪ 1212 00:37:51,836 --> 00:37:55,049 ♪ AND FOUR, I MISS YOU ♪ ♪ FIVE, I WANT TO KISS YOU ♪ ♪ SIX, I WON'T LEAVE YOU NO 1213 00:37:55,073 --> 00:37:57,352 ♪ FIVE, I WANT TO KISS YOU ♪ ♪ SIX, I WON'T LEAVE YOU NO MORE ♪ 1214 00:37:57,376 --> 00:38:00,588 ♪ SIX, I WON'T LEAVE YOU NO MORE ♪ ♪ AND, DARLIN', SIX, I WON'T 1215 00:38:00,612 --> 00:38:04,359 MORE ♪ ♪ AND, DARLIN', SIX, I WON'T LEAVE YOU NO MORE ♪ 1216 00:38:04,383 --> 00:38:08,663 ♪ AND, DARLIN', SIX, I WON'T LEAVE YOU NO MORE ♪ ♪ DARLIN', SIX, I WON'T LEAVE 1217 00:38:08,687 --> 00:38:14,869 LEAVE YOU NO MORE ♪ ♪ DARLIN', SIX, I WON'T LEAVE YOU NO MORE ♪ 1218 00:38:14,893 --> 00:38:17,360 ♪ DARLIN', SIX, I WON'T LEAVE YOU NO MORE ♪ [APPLAUSE] 1219 00:38:25,135 --> 00:38:29,284 AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE TWO VERY FUNNY MEN, THE COMEDY 1220 00:38:29,308 --> 00:38:31,586 GENTLEMEN, I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE TWO VERY FUNNY MEN, THE COMEDY TEAM OF FRANKEN AND DAVIS. 1221 00:38:31,610 --> 00:38:38,125 TWO VERY FUNNY MEN, THE COMEDY TEAM OF FRANKEN AND DAVIS. [APPLAUSE] 1222 00:38:38,149 --> 00:38:39,594 TEAM OF FRANKEN AND DAVIS. [APPLAUSE] THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 1223 00:38:39,618 --> 00:38:40,861 [APPLAUSE] THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU, SISSY. 1224 00:38:40,885 --> 00:38:42,764 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU, SISSY. I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE GOING TO 1225 00:38:42,788 --> 00:38:44,365 THANK YOU, SISSY. I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE GOING TO IMPROVISE SOMETHING FOR US 1226 00:38:44,389 --> 00:38:45,032 I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE GOING TO IMPROVISE SOMETHING FOR US TONIGHT. 1227 00:38:45,056 --> 00:38:46,467 IMPROVISE SOMETHING FOR US TONIGHT. WELL, THAT'S RIGHT, SISSY. 1228 00:38:46,491 --> 00:38:47,635 TONIGHT. WELL, THAT'S RIGHT, SISSY. WE'RE GOING TO TAKE TWO 1229 00:38:47,659 --> 00:38:48,903 WELL, THAT'S RIGHT, SISSY. WE'RE GOING TO TAKE TWO SUGGESTIONS FROM YOU, THE 1230 00:38:48,927 --> 00:38:49,504 WE'RE GOING TO TAKE TWO SUGGESTIONS FROM YOU, THE AUDIENCE. 1231 00:38:49,528 --> 00:38:50,738 SUGGESTIONS FROM YOU, THE AUDIENCE. WE'RE GOING TO CONFER, OR 1232 00:38:50,762 --> 00:38:52,173 AUDIENCE. WE'RE GOING TO CONFER, OR HUDDLE, FOR ABOUT 10 SECONDS, 1233 00:38:52,197 --> 00:38:53,641 WE'RE GOING TO CONFER, OR HUDDLE, FOR ABOUT 10 SECONDS, AND THEN WE'RE GONNA PERFORM A 1234 00:38:53,665 --> 00:38:55,209 HUDDLE, FOR ABOUT 10 SECONDS, AND THEN WE'RE GONNA PERFORM A SCENE BASED ON THOSE SUGGESTIONS 1235 00:38:55,233 --> 00:38:56,711 AND THEN WE'RE GONNA PERFORM A SCENE BASED ON THOSE SUGGESTIONS RIGHT OFF THE TOP OF OUR... 1236 00:38:56,735 --> 00:38:58,179 SCENE BASED ON THOSE SUGGESTIONS RIGHT OFF THE TOP OF OUR... RIGHT OFF THE TOP OF OUR... 1237 00:38:58,203 --> 00:38:58,646 RIGHT OFF THE TOP OF OUR... RIGHT OFF THE TOP OF OUR... HEADS. 1238 00:38:58,670 --> 00:39:00,080 RIGHT OFF THE TOP OF OUR... HEADS. IT SOUNDS REALLY EXCITING. 1239 00:39:00,104 --> 00:39:01,248 HEADS. IT SOUNDS REALLY EXCITING. TAKE IT AWAY. 1240 00:39:01,272 --> 00:39:03,050 IT SOUNDS REALLY EXCITING. TAKE IT AWAY. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, SISSY. 1241 00:39:03,074 --> 00:39:05,320 TAKE IT AWAY. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, SISSY. OKAY, EVERYONE, WE NEED THE 1242 00:39:05,344 --> 00:39:07,488 THANK YOU VERY MUCH, SISSY. OKAY, EVERYONE, WE NEED THE NAME OF A PLACE WHERE PEOPLE 1243 00:39:07,512 --> 00:39:08,122 OKAY, EVERYONE, WE NEED THE NAME OF A PLACE WHERE PEOPLE MEET. 1244 00:39:08,146 --> 00:39:09,089 NAME OF A PLACE WHERE PEOPLE MEET. PITTSBURGH! 1245 00:39:09,113 --> 00:39:10,124 MEET. PITTSBURGH! [AUDIENCE SHOUTING 1246 00:39:10,148 --> 00:39:10,858 PITTSBURGH! [AUDIENCE SHOUTING SUGGESTIONS] 1247 00:39:10,882 --> 00:39:12,827 [AUDIENCE SHOUTING SUGGESTIONS] ALL RIGHT, UH... 1248 00:39:12,851 --> 00:39:14,729 [SUGGESTIONS] ALL RIGHT, UH... A DOCTOR'S OFFICE. 1249 00:39:14,753 --> 00:39:16,230 ALL RIGHT, UH... A DOCTOR'S OFFICE. I HEARD THAT. 1250 00:39:16,254 --> 00:39:19,033 A DOCTOR'S OFFICE. I HEARD THAT. AND NOW WE NEED A PROFESSION. 1251 00:39:19,057 --> 00:39:20,435 I HEARD THAT. AND NOW WE NEED A PROFESSION. [AUDIENCE SHOUTING 1252 00:39:20,459 --> 00:39:21,769 AND NOW WE NEED A PROFESSION. [AUDIENCE SHOUTING SUGGESTIONS] 1253 00:39:21,793 --> 00:39:23,438 [AUDIENCE SHOUTING SUGGESTIONS] I HEARD METEOROLOGIST. 1254 00:39:23,462 --> 00:39:25,707 [SUGGESTIONS] I HEARD METEOROLOGIST. I HEARD METEOROLOGIST OVER HERE. 1255 00:39:25,731 --> 00:39:28,309 I HEARD METEOROLOGIST. I HEARD METEOROLOGIST OVER HERE. OKAY, WE GOT A METEOROLOGIST. 1256 00:39:28,333 --> 00:39:31,011 I HEARD METEOROLOGIST OVER HERE. OKAY, WE GOT A METEOROLOGIST. WE'VE GOT A DOCTOR'S OFFICE. 1257 00:39:31,035 --> 00:39:36,884 OKAY, WE GOT A METEOROLOGIST. WE'VE GOT A DOCTOR'S OFFICE. WE'LL SEE YOU IN 10 SECONDS. 1258 00:39:36,908 --> 00:39:37,885 WE'VE GOT A DOCTOR'S OFFICE. WE'LL SEE YOU IN 10 SECONDS. OKAY, LOOK, LOOK. 1259 00:39:37,909 --> 00:39:39,286 WE'LL SEE YOU IN 10 SECONDS. OKAY, LOOK, LOOK. LET'S DO THE GYNECOLOGIST 1260 00:39:39,310 --> 00:39:39,787 OKAY, LOOK, LOOK. LET'S DO THE GYNECOLOGIST PIECE. 1261 00:39:39,811 --> 00:39:41,222 LET'S DO THE GYNECOLOGIST PIECE. NO, WE NEED A GIRL TO DO 1262 00:39:41,246 --> 00:39:41,689 PIECE. NO, WE NEED A GIRL TO DO THAT. 1263 00:39:41,713 --> 00:39:42,724 NO, WE NEED A GIRL TO DO THAT. OH, THAT'S RIGHT. 1264 00:39:42,748 --> 00:39:47,261 THAT. OH, THAT'S RIGHT. OKAY, OKAY. 1265 00:39:47,285 --> 00:39:48,996 OH, THAT'S RIGHT. OKAY, OKAY. MAYBE DO THE PIECE... 1266 00:39:49,020 --> 00:39:50,331 OKAY, OKAY. MAYBE DO THE PIECE... NO, NO, THEY MIGHT BE 1267 00:39:50,355 --> 00:39:51,432 MAYBE DO THE PIECE... NO, NO, THEY MIGHT BE WATCHING. 1268 00:39:51,456 --> 00:39:59,456 NO, NO, THEY MIGHT BE WATCHING. OKAY. 1269 00:40:00,866 --> 00:40:03,344 WATCHING. OKAY. UH, WE'RE SORRY, LADIES AND 1270 00:40:03,368 --> 00:40:05,813 OKAY. UH, WE'RE SORRY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BUT WE COULDN'T THINK 1271 00:40:05,837 --> 00:40:06,947 UH, WE'RE SORRY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BUT WE COULDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING. 1272 00:40:06,971 --> 00:40:09,283 GENTLEMEN, BUT WE COULDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING. MAYBE IF YOU JUST... SOME MORE 1273 00:40:09,307 --> 00:40:11,419 OF ANYTHING. MAYBE IF YOU JUST... SOME MORE SUGGESTIONS, JUST ANYTHING. 1274 00:40:11,443 --> 00:40:12,887 MAYBE IF YOU JUST... SOME MORE SUGGESTIONS, JUST ANYTHING. WORLD WAR III! 1275 00:40:12,911 --> 00:40:13,954 SUGGESTIONS, JUST ANYTHING. WORLD WAR III! WORLD WAR III. 1276 00:40:13,978 --> 00:40:14,989 WORLD WAR III! WORLD WAR III. WORLD WAR III. 1277 00:40:15,013 --> 00:40:16,624 WORLD WAR III. WORLD WAR III. OKAY, HOW ABOUT A NEWSCAST ON 1278 00:40:16,648 --> 00:40:17,958 WORLD WAR III. OKAY, HOW ABOUT A NEWSCAST ON THE NIGHT OF THE DAY OF 1279 00:40:17,982 --> 00:40:18,893 OKAY, HOW ABOUT A NEWSCAST ON THE NIGHT OF THE DAY OF WORLD WAR III? 1280 00:40:18,917 --> 00:40:20,461 THE NIGHT OF THE DAY OF WORLD WAR III? YEAH, WE'LL IMPROVISE IT. 1281 00:40:20,485 --> 00:40:21,529 WORLD WAR III? YEAH, WE'LL IMPROVISE IT. GOOD CALL. 1282 00:40:21,553 --> 00:40:23,398 YEAH, WE'LL IMPROVISE IT. GOOD CALL. OKAY. 1283 00:40:23,422 --> 00:40:26,834 GOOD CALL. OKAY. TRAGEDY, DEATH, CATASTROPHE 1284 00:40:26,858 --> 00:40:29,003 OKAY. TRAGEDY, DEATH, CATASTROPHE HIGHLIGHT TONIGHT'S NEWS AFTER 1285 00:40:29,027 --> 00:40:30,104 TRAGEDY, DEATH, CATASTROPHE HIGHLIGHT TONIGHT'S NEWS AFTER THIS MESSAGE. 1286 00:40:30,128 --> 00:40:31,706 HIGHLIGHT TONIGHT'S NEWS AFTER THIS MESSAGE. TONIGHT'S NEWS IS BROUGHT TO 1287 00:40:31,730 --> 00:40:33,207 THIS MESSAGE. TONIGHT'S NEWS IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE MAKERS OF JIM CROW 1288 00:40:33,231 --> 00:40:35,543 TONIGHT'S NEWS IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE MAKERS OF JIM CROW RICE... REMEMBER, EVERY GRAIN IS 1289 00:40:35,567 --> 00:40:37,845 YOU BY THE MAKERS OF JIM CROW RICE... REMEMBER, EVERY GRAIN IS SEPARATE BUT EQUAL AND, MMM, SO 1290 00:40:37,869 --> 00:40:39,380 RICE... REMEMBER, EVERY GRAIN IS SEPARATE BUT EQUAL AND, MMM, SO GOOD. 1291 00:40:39,404 --> 00:40:41,115 SEPARATE BUT EQUAL AND, MMM, SO GOOD. GOOD EVENING, THIS IS 1292 00:40:41,139 --> 00:40:43,217 GOOD. GOOD EVENING, THIS IS RONALD BROOKS SUBSTITUTING FOR 1293 00:40:43,241 --> 00:40:45,052 GOOD EVENING, THIS IS RONALD BROOKS SUBSTITUTING FOR THE DECEASED RAY THOMPSON. 1294 00:40:45,076 --> 00:40:46,921 RONALD BROOKS SUBSTITUTING FOR THE DECEASED RAY THOMPSON. YES, TODAY, IT HAPPENED... 1295 00:40:46,945 --> 00:40:48,055 THE DECEASED RAY THOMPSON. YES, TODAY, IT HAPPENED... WORLD WAR III. 1296 00:40:48,079 --> 00:40:49,791 YES, TODAY, IT HAPPENED... WORLD WAR III. ACCORDING TO WHITE HOUSE 1297 00:40:49,815 --> 00:40:51,893 WORLD WAR III. ACCORDING TO WHITE HOUSE SOURCES, THE WAR WAS INITIATED 1298 00:40:51,917 --> 00:40:53,127 ACCORDING TO WHITE HOUSE SOURCES, THE WAR WAS INITIATED BY MISTAKE. 1299 00:40:53,151 --> 00:40:55,996 SOURCES, THE WAR WAS INITIATED BY MISTAKE. PRESIDENT CARTER SAID, "GEE, I'M 1300 00:40:56,020 --> 00:40:56,864 BY MISTAKE. PRESIDENT CARTER SAID, "GEE, I'M SORRY. 1301 00:40:56,888 --> 00:40:59,934 PRESIDENT CARTER SAID, "GEE, I'M SORRY. I'M AWFULLY SORRY." 1302 00:40:59,958 --> 00:41:02,069 SORRY. I'M AWFULLY SORRY." AND WITH 80% OF THE BOMBS IN, 1303 00:41:02,093 --> 00:41:04,138 I'M AWFULLY SORRY." AND WITH 80% OF THE BOMBS IN, WOMV COMPUTER ANALYSIS SHOWS 1304 00:41:04,162 --> 00:41:06,340 AND WITH 80% OF THE BOMBS IN, WOMV COMPUTER ANALYSIS SHOWS THAT THE UNITED STATES HAS WON 1305 00:41:06,364 --> 00:41:07,241 WOMV COMPUTER ANALYSIS SHOWS THAT THE UNITED STATES HAS WON THE WAR. 1306 00:41:07,265 --> 00:41:08,476 THAT THE UNITED STATES HAS WON THE WAR. YES, ACCORDING TO OUR COMPUTERS, 1307 00:41:08,500 --> 00:41:10,812 THE WAR. YES, ACCORDING TO OUR COMPUTERS, ONLY 85 MILLION AMERICANS WILL 1308 00:41:10,836 --> 00:41:12,279 YES, ACCORDING TO OUR COMPUTERS, ONLY 85 MILLION AMERICANS WILL HAVE DIED, AS COMPARED TO OVER 1309 00:41:12,303 --> 00:41:14,849 ONLY 85 MILLION AMERICANS WILL HAVE DIED, AS COMPARED TO OVER 155 MILLION RUSSIANS AND A 1310 00:41:14,873 --> 00:41:20,154 HAVE DIED, AS COMPARED TO OVER 155 MILLION RUSSIANS AND A WHOPPING 575 MILLION CHINESE. 1311 00:41:20,178 --> 00:41:22,824 155 MILLION RUSSIANS AND A WHOPPING 575 MILLION CHINESE. AND NOW, WITH THE WEATHER, OUR 1312 00:41:22,848 --> 00:41:24,325 WHOPPING 575 MILLION CHINESE. AND NOW, WITH THE WEATHER, OUR OWN BILL CORRY. 1313 00:41:24,349 --> 00:41:25,092 AND NOW, WITH THE WEATHER, OUR OWN BILL CORRY. BILL? 1314 00:41:25,116 --> 00:41:26,393 OWN BILL CORRY. BILL? WELL, HI. 1315 00:41:26,417 --> 00:41:27,829 BILL? WELL, HI. TEMPERATURES UP TO 8,000 1316 00:41:27,853 --> 00:41:29,864 WELL, HI. TEMPERATURES UP TO 8,000 DEGREES IN NEW YORK TONIGHT. 1317 00:41:29,888 --> 00:41:31,165 TEMPERATURES UP TO 8,000 DEGREES IN NEW YORK TONIGHT. COOLING OFF TOMORROW TO AN 1318 00:41:31,189 --> 00:41:32,700 DEGREES IN NEW YORK TONIGHT. COOLING OFF TOMORROW TO AN UNINHABITABLE 450 DEGREES, SO IF 1319 00:41:32,724 --> 00:41:34,168 COOLING OFF TOMORROW TO AN UNINHABITABLE 450 DEGREES, SO IF YOU'RE STILL PLANNING A WEEKEND 1320 00:41:34,192 --> 00:41:35,470 UNINHABITABLE 450 DEGREES, SO IF YOU'RE STILL PLANNING A WEEKEND OUTING, YOU BETTER WEAR AN 1321 00:41:35,494 --> 00:41:37,237 YOU'RE STILL PLANNING A WEEKEND OUTING, YOU BETTER WEAR AN ASBESTOS SUIT. 1322 00:41:37,261 --> 00:41:38,873 OUTING, YOU BETTER WEAR AN ASBESTOS SUIT. WELL, THE POLAR ICE CAPS HAVE 1323 00:41:38,897 --> 00:41:40,475 ASBESTOS SUIT. WELL, THE POLAR ICE CAPS HAVE MELTED, AND BOTH THE EAST AND 1324 00:41:40,499 --> 00:41:41,876 WELL, THE POLAR ICE CAPS HAVE MELTED, AND BOTH THE EAST AND THE WEST COAST SHOULD BE 1325 00:41:41,900 --> 00:41:43,210 MELTED, AND BOTH THE EAST AND THE WEST COAST SHOULD BE CONSUMED BY TIDAL WAVES 1326 00:41:43,234 --> 00:41:43,878 THE WEST COAST SHOULD BE CONSUMED BY TIDAL WAVES TOMORROW. 1327 00:41:43,902 --> 00:41:45,546 CONSUMED BY TIDAL WAVES TOMORROW. SO IF THERE ARE ANY SURFERS ON 1328 00:41:45,570 --> 00:41:47,314 TOMORROW. SO IF THERE ARE ANY SURFERS ON LONG ISLAND, YOU CAN EXPECT SOME 1329 00:41:47,338 --> 00:41:48,749 SO IF THERE ARE ANY SURFERS ON LONG ISLAND, YOU CAN EXPECT SOME SWELLS OF UP TO 800 FEET. 1330 00:41:48,773 --> 00:41:50,518 LONG ISLAND, YOU CAN EXPECT SOME SWELLS OF UP TO 800 FEET. WELL, THAT'S THE WEATHER OUTLOOK 1331 00:41:50,542 --> 00:41:51,251 SWELLS OF UP TO 800 FEET. WELL, THAT'S THE WEATHER OUTLOOK FOR TODAY. 1332 00:41:51,275 --> 00:41:51,819 WELL, THAT'S THE WEATHER OUTLOOK FOR TODAY. RONALD? 1333 00:41:51,843 --> 00:41:54,321 FOR TODAY. RONALD? WHY, THANKS, BILL. 1334 00:41:54,345 --> 00:41:57,859 RONALD? WHY, THANKS, BILL. THE STOCK MARKET CLOSED TODAY... 1335 00:41:57,883 --> 00:42:00,595 WHY, THANKS, BILL. THE STOCK MARKET CLOSED TODAY... FOR GOOD. 1336 00:42:00,619 --> 00:42:03,130 THE STOCK MARKET CLOSED TODAY... FOR GOOD. AND NOW WITH THE SPORTS, OUR OWN 1337 00:42:03,154 --> 00:42:04,499 FOR GOOD. AND NOW WITH THE SPORTS, OUR OWN BARNEY JOHNSON. 1338 00:42:04,523 --> 00:42:05,165 AND NOW WITH THE SPORTS, OUR OWN BARNEY JOHNSON. BARN? 1339 00:42:05,189 --> 00:42:06,701 BARNEY JOHNSON. BARN? THANK YOU, RONALD. 1340 00:42:06,725 --> 00:42:08,536 BARN? THANK YOU, RONALD. GOOD EVENING, SPORTS FANS. 1341 00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:10,471 THANK YOU, RONALD. GOOD EVENING, SPORTS FANS. BOBBY ORR FRIED TODAY AT HIS 1342 00:42:10,495 --> 00:42:11,706 GOOD EVENING, SPORTS FANS. BOBBY ORR FRIED TODAY AT HIS HOME IN TORONTO. 1343 00:42:11,730 --> 00:42:12,940 BOBBY ORR FRIED TODAY AT HIS HOME IN TORONTO. WELL, THE ENTIRE 1344 00:42:12,964 --> 00:42:15,009 HOME IN TORONTO. WELL, THE ENTIRE NEW YORK YANKEES BASEBALL TEAM 1345 00:42:15,033 --> 00:42:16,511 WELL, THE ENTIRE NEW YORK YANKEES BASEBALL TEAM PERISHED IN A FIRESTORM DURING 1346 00:42:16,535 --> 00:42:18,078 NEW YORK YANKEES BASEBALL TEAM PERISHED IN A FIRESTORM DURING PRACTICE AT THEIR FT. LAUDERDALE 1347 00:42:18,102 --> 00:42:19,680 PERISHED IN A FIRESTORM DURING PRACTICE AT THEIR FT. LAUDERDALE SPRING TRAINING CAMP... BAD NEWS 1348 00:42:19,704 --> 00:42:22,049 PRACTICE AT THEIR FT. LAUDERDALE SPRING TRAINING CAMP... BAD NEWS FOR YOU SEASON TICKET HOLDERS. 1349 00:42:22,073 --> 00:42:23,651 SPRING TRAINING CAMP... BAD NEWS FOR YOU SEASON TICKET HOLDERS. THAT'S THE SPORTS SCENE FOR 1350 00:42:23,675 --> 00:42:24,284 FOR YOU SEASON TICKET HOLDERS. THAT'S THE SPORTS SCENE FOR TONIGHT. 1351 00:42:24,308 --> 00:42:24,886 THAT'S THE SPORTS SCENE FOR TONIGHT. RONALD? 1352 00:42:24,910 --> 00:42:27,187 TONIGHT. RONALD? WHY, THANKS, BARN. 1353 00:42:27,211 --> 00:42:28,689 RONALD? WHY, THANKS, BARN. AND THAT'S THE WAY THE WORLD 1354 00:42:28,713 --> 00:42:29,089 WHY, THANKS, BARN. AND THAT'S THE WAY THE WORLD WAS. 1355 00:42:29,113 --> 00:42:30,558 AND THAT'S THE WAY THE WORLD WAS. AND THIS IS RONALD BROOKS... 1356 00:42:30,582 --> 00:42:31,792 WAS. AND THIS IS RONALD BROOKS... AND BARNEY JOHNSON... 1357 00:42:31,816 --> 00:42:33,127 AND THIS IS RONALD BROOKS... AND BARNEY JOHNSON... SAYING THAT THIS IS 1358 00:42:33,151 --> 00:42:34,061 AND BARNEY JOHNSON... SAYING THAT THIS IS RONALD BROOKS... 1359 00:42:34,085 --> 00:42:35,295 SAYING THAT THIS IS RONALD BROOKS... AND BARNEY JOHNSON... 1360 00:42:35,319 --> 00:42:36,597 RONALD BROOKS... AND BARNEY JOHNSON... SAYING GOOD NIGHT. 1361 00:42:36,621 --> 00:42:37,498 AND BARNEY JOHNSON... SAYING GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT. 1362 00:42:37,522 --> 00:42:38,533 SAYING GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT. THANK YOU. 1363 00:42:38,557 --> 00:42:41,290 GOOD NIGHT. THANK YOU. [APPLAUSE] 1364 00:42:51,969 --> 00:42:58,519 BAD DOLLY! BAD DOLLY! DON'T HURT DOLLY! 1365 00:42:58,543 --> 00:42:59,954 BAD DOLLY! DON'T HURT DOLLY! DON'T HURT DOLLY. 1366 00:42:59,978 --> 00:43:01,188 DON'T HURT DOLLY! DON'T HURT DOLLY. SHE'S SO CUTE. 1367 00:43:01,212 --> 00:43:03,223 DON'T HURT DOLLY. SHE'S SO CUTE. BAD DOLLY WEE-WEE ALL OVER 1368 00:43:03,247 --> 00:43:04,324 SHE'S SO CUTE. BAD DOLLY WEE-WEE ALL OVER PRETTY DRESS. 1369 00:43:04,348 --> 00:43:06,360 BAD DOLLY WEE-WEE ALL OVER PRETTY DRESS. OH, BOOTSIE, HAVE TO MAKE 1370 00:43:06,384 --> 00:43:08,996 PRETTY DRESS. OH, BOOTSIE, HAVE TO MAKE TINKIE, TOO, IN PEE-PEE POTTY. 1371 00:43:09,020 --> 00:43:10,230 OH, BOOTSIE, HAVE TO MAKE TINKIE, TOO, IN PEE-PEE POTTY. HELLO, LUFFIE. 1372 00:43:10,254 --> 00:43:11,365 TINKIE, TOO, IN PEE-PEE POTTY. HELLO, LUFFIE. HELLO, BOOTSIE. 1373 00:43:11,389 --> 00:43:13,067 HELLO, LUFFIE. HELLO, BOOTSIE. BINKIE NEEDS TO GO TO THE 1374 00:43:13,091 --> 00:43:14,902 HELLO, BOOTSIE. BINKIE NEEDS TO GO TO THE LITTLE GIRLS' ROOM EVER SO 1375 00:43:14,926 --> 00:43:17,204 BINKIE NEEDS TO GO TO THE LITTLE GIRLS' ROOM EVER SO BADLY. 1376 00:43:17,228 --> 00:43:19,206 LITTLE GIRLS' ROOM EVER SO BADLY. PLAY WITH YOUR NOSE. 1377 00:43:19,230 --> 00:43:21,008 BADLY. PLAY WITH YOUR NOSE. WHAT DO THESE THREE 1378 00:43:21,032 --> 00:43:23,444 PLAY WITH YOUR NOSE. WHAT DO THESE THREE EXTREMELY OBNOXIOUS GROWN WOMEN 1379 00:43:23,468 --> 00:43:25,512 WHAT DO THESE THREE EXTREMELY OBNOXIOUS GROWN WOMEN HAVE IN COMMON? 1380 00:43:25,536 --> 00:43:27,815 EXTREMELY OBNOXIOUS GROWN WOMEN HAVE IN COMMON? THEY ARE ALL VICTIMS OF GIDGET'S 1381 00:43:27,839 --> 00:43:28,616 HAVE IN COMMON? THEY ARE ALL VICTIMS OF GIDGET'S DISEASE. 1382 00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:30,417 THEY ARE ALL VICTIMS OF GIDGET'S DISEASE. IN OTHER WORDS, THEY ARE 1383 00:43:30,441 --> 00:43:32,519 DISEASE. IN OTHER WORDS, THEY ARE TERMINALLY CUTE, TOO CUTE FOR 1384 00:43:32,543 --> 00:43:33,754 IN OTHER WORDS, THEY ARE TERMINALLY CUTE, TOO CUTE FOR THEIR OWN GOOD. 1385 00:43:33,778 --> 00:43:40,260 TERMINALLY CUTE, TOO CUTE FOR THEIR OWN GOOD. LET'S TAKE A CLOSER LOOK. 1386 00:43:40,284 --> 00:43:42,730 THEIR OWN GOOD. LET'S TAKE A CLOSER LOOK. ♪ I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT, SHORT 1387 00:43:42,754 --> 00:43:43,898 LET'S TAKE A CLOSER LOOK. ♪ I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT, SHORT AND STOUT ♪ 1388 00:43:43,922 --> 00:43:46,067 ♪ I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT, SHORT AND STOUT ♪ ♪ HERE IS MY HANDLE ♪ 1389 00:43:46,091 --> 00:43:49,236 AND STOUT ♪ ♪ HERE IS MY HANDLE ♪ ♪ HERE IS MY... HANDLE ♪ 1390 00:43:49,260 --> 00:43:52,640 ♪ HERE IS MY HANDLE ♪ ♪ HERE IS MY... HANDLE ♪ GOLLY, I'M A SUGAR BOWL. 1391 00:43:52,664 --> 00:43:54,942 ♪ HERE IS MY... HANDLE ♪ GOLLY, I'M A SUGAR BOWL. PLEASE, JUDGE, DON'T SEND 1392 00:43:54,966 --> 00:43:57,444 GOLLY, I'M A SUGAR BOWL. PLEASE, JUDGE, DON'T SEND GRAMPS TO JAIL, OR I'LL BE EVER 1393 00:43:57,468 --> 00:43:59,413 PLEASE, JUDGE, DON'T SEND GRAMPS TO JAIL, OR I'LL BE EVER SO CROSS WITH YOU. 1394 00:43:59,437 --> 00:44:01,515 GRAMPS TO JAIL, OR I'LL BE EVER SO CROSS WITH YOU. I KNOW! WE'RE SHOWFOLK! 1395 00:44:01,539 --> 00:44:03,117 SO CROSS WITH YOU. I KNOW! WE'RE SHOWFOLK! WE'LL PUT ON A SHOW FOR YOU. 1396 00:44:03,141 --> 00:44:04,885 I KNOW! WE'RE SHOWFOLK! WE'LL PUT ON A SHOW FOR YOU. WE GOT COSTUMES IN THE BARN, AND 1397 00:44:04,909 --> 00:44:08,990 WE'LL PUT ON A SHOW FOR YOU. WE GOT COSTUMES IN THE BARN, AND MY DAD KNOWS MUSIC. 1398 00:44:09,014 --> 00:44:13,193 WE GOT COSTUMES IN THE BARN, AND MY DAD KNOWS MUSIC. MR. ANIMAL SLIPPER... 1399 00:44:13,217 --> 00:44:17,064 MY DAD KNOWS MUSIC. MR. ANIMAL SLIPPER... GUESS WHO'S COMING TO SEE YOU. 1400 00:44:17,088 --> 00:44:20,835 MR. ANIMAL SLIPPER... GUESS WHO'S COMING TO SEE YOU. MR. TEDDY BEAR PURSE! 1401 00:44:20,859 --> 00:44:23,437 GUESS WHO'S COMING TO SEE YOU. MR. TEDDY BEAR PURSE! HELLO, MR. TEDDY BEAR PURSE. 1402 00:44:23,461 --> 00:44:25,740 MR. TEDDY BEAR PURSE! HELLO, MR. TEDDY BEAR PURSE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 1403 00:44:25,764 --> 00:44:28,509 HELLO, MR. TEDDY BEAR PURSE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? OH, I BROUGHT YOU SOME YUM-YUM 1404 00:44:28,533 --> 00:44:30,077 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? OH, I BROUGHT YOU SOME YUM-YUM FOR YOUR TUMMY. 1405 00:44:30,101 --> 00:44:34,015 OH, I BROUGHT YOU SOME YUM-YUM FOR YOUR TUMMY. OH! NUMMY, NUMMY, NUMMY, NUMMY! 1406 00:44:34,039 --> 00:44:35,449 FOR YOUR TUMMY. OH! NUMMY, NUMMY, NUMMY, NUMMY! [SMOOCHES] 1407 00:44:35,473 --> 00:44:36,450 OH! NUMMY, NUMMY, NUMMY, NUMMY! [SMOOCHES] REALLY ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU 1408 00:44:36,474 --> 00:44:40,821 [SMOOCHES] REALLY ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU WANT TO PUKE YOUR GUTS OUT. 1409 00:44:40,845 --> 00:44:43,190 REALLY ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU WANT TO PUKE YOUR GUTS OUT. THERE IS HELP FOR THESE WOMEN. 1410 00:44:43,214 --> 00:44:45,726 WANT TO PUKE YOUR GUTS OUT. THERE IS HELP FOR THESE WOMEN. THEY AND OTHERS LIKE THEM CAN BE 1411 00:44:45,750 --> 00:44:47,427 THERE IS HELP FOR THESE WOMEN. THEY AND OTHERS LIKE THEM CAN BE CURED OF GIDGET'S DISEASE BY 1412 00:44:47,451 --> 00:44:48,896 THEY AND OTHERS LIKE THEM CAN BE CURED OF GIDGET'S DISEASE BY BEING FORCED TO UNDERGO 1413 00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:50,597 CURED OF GIDGET'S DISEASE BY BEING FORCED TO UNDERGO POINTLESS ROOT-CANAL WORK IN 1414 00:44:50,621 --> 00:44:52,466 BEING FORCED TO UNDERGO POINTLESS ROOT-CANAL WORK IN WHAT WE LIKE TO CALL THE DENTAL 1415 00:44:52,490 --> 00:44:54,568 POINTLESS ROOT-CANAL WORK IN WHAT WE LIKE TO CALL THE DENTAL THEATER OF CRUELTY. 1416 00:44:54,592 --> 00:44:56,470 WHAT WE LIKE TO CALL THE DENTAL THEATER OF CRUELTY. I KNOW, BECAUSE I WAS ONE OF 1417 00:44:56,494 --> 00:44:57,437 THEATER OF CRUELTY. I KNOW, BECAUSE I WAS ONE OF THEM. 1418 00:44:57,461 --> 00:44:59,306 I KNOW, BECAUSE I WAS ONE OF THEM. BUT I WAS LUCKY. 1419 00:44:59,330 --> 00:45:00,507 THEM. BUT I WAS LUCKY. THESE WOMEN MIGHT NOT BE SO 1420 00:45:00,531 --> 00:45:01,241 BUT I WAS LUCKY. THESE WOMEN MIGHT NOT BE SO LUCKY. 1421 00:45:01,265 --> 00:45:03,443 THESE WOMEN MIGHT NOT BE SO LUCKY. HERE, MR. TEDDY BEAR PURSE! 1422 00:45:03,467 --> 00:45:06,814 LUCKY. HERE, MR. TEDDY BEAR PURSE! [SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY] 1423 00:45:06,838 --> 00:45:08,182 HERE, MR. TEDDY BEAR PURSE! [SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY] WE NEED YOUR HELP. 1424 00:45:08,206 --> 00:45:14,922 [SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY] WE NEED YOUR HELP. SEND YOUR DOLLARS TO... 1425 00:45:14,946 --> 00:45:17,106 WE NEED YOUR HELP. SEND YOUR DOLLARS TO... [APPLAUSE] 1426 00:45:32,495 --> 00:45:35,876 [Southern accent] WELL, HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL? TWO WHOLE WEEKS, WE'VE BEEN 1427 00:45:35,900 --> 00:45:38,012 DO YOU THINK I FEEL? TWO WHOLE WEEKS, WE'VE BEEN MARRIED... I'M STILL THE SAME 1428 00:45:38,036 --> 00:45:40,247 TWO WHOLE WEEKS, WE'VE BEEN MARRIED... I'M STILL THE SAME GIRL I WAS ON MY WEDDING NIGHT. 1429 00:45:40,271 --> 00:45:42,449 MARRIED... I'M STILL THE SAME GIRL I WAS ON MY WEDDING NIGHT. WHERE'S MY CHERRY SLUSH?! 1430 00:45:42,473 --> 00:45:44,318 GIRL I WAS ON MY WEDDING NIGHT. WHERE'S MY CHERRY SLUSH?! AND I WAS LYING UNDER YOU 1431 00:45:44,342 --> 00:45:46,187 WHERE'S MY CHERRY SLUSH?! AND I WAS LYING UNDER YOU TONIGHT, NEVER ONCE THINKING 1432 00:45:46,211 --> 00:45:48,089 AND I WAS LYING UNDER YOU TONIGHT, NEVER ONCE THINKING YOU'D FIND YOUR MANLY POWERS. 1433 00:45:48,113 --> 00:45:49,724 TONIGHT, NEVER ONCE THINKING YOU'D FIND YOUR MANLY POWERS. NOT MORE THAN TWO HOURS AGO, 1434 00:45:49,748 --> 00:45:51,258 YOU'D FIND YOUR MANLY POWERS. NOT MORE THAN TWO HOURS AGO, I BOUGHT A CHERRY SLUSH FROM 1435 00:45:51,282 --> 00:45:51,892 NOT MORE THAN TWO HOURS AGO, I BOUGHT A CHERRY SLUSH FROM 7-ELEVEN. 1436 00:45:51,916 --> 00:45:53,194 I BOUGHT A CHERRY SLUSH FROM 7-ELEVEN. NOW, WHERE IS IT?! 1437 00:45:53,218 --> 00:45:55,596 7-ELEVEN. NOW, WHERE IS IT?! BEHIND THE VELVEETA. 1438 00:45:55,620 --> 00:45:57,297 NOW, WHERE IS IT?! BEHIND THE VELVEETA. I WAS LYING UNDER YOU, THINKING 1439 00:45:57,321 --> 00:45:58,966 BEHIND THE VELVEETA. I WAS LYING UNDER YOU, THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE, JUST LIKE 1440 00:45:58,990 --> 00:45:59,767 I WAS LYING UNDER YOU, THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE, JUST LIKE YOU TOLD ME. 1441 00:45:59,791 --> 00:46:02,069 ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE, JUST LIKE YOU TOLD ME. NOW, WHERE IS THE FOAM? 1442 00:46:02,093 --> 00:46:04,404 YOU TOLD ME. NOW, WHERE IS THE FOAM? WHERE'S THE DAMN FOAM?! 1443 00:46:04,428 --> 00:46:05,873 NOW, WHERE IS THE FOAM? WHERE'S THE DAMN FOAM?! I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE 1444 00:46:05,897 --> 00:46:07,374 WHERE'S THE DAMN FOAM?! I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE NOISE THAT WASHING MACHINES 1445 00:46:07,398 --> 00:46:07,842 I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE NOISE THAT WASHING MACHINES MAKE. 1446 00:46:07,866 --> 00:46:09,443 NOISE THAT WASHING MACHINES MAKE. WELL, I DIDN'T PAY 45 CENTS 1447 00:46:09,467 --> 00:46:11,112 MAKE. WELL, I DIDN'T PAY 45 CENTS FOR TWO HOURS OF LOUSY FOAM! 1448 00:46:11,136 --> 00:46:12,880 WELL, I DIDN'T PAY 45 CENTS FOR TWO HOURS OF LOUSY FOAM! WHEN THAT DIDN'T WORK, THAT 1449 00:46:12,904 --> 00:46:14,681 FOR TWO HOURS OF LOUSY FOAM! WHEN THAT DIDN'T WORK, THAT DIDN'T HELP YOU FIND YOUR MANLY 1450 00:46:14,705 --> 00:46:16,717 WHEN THAT DIDN'T WORK, THAT DIDN'T HELP YOU FIND YOUR MANLY POWERS, I STARTED THINKING ABOUT 1451 00:46:16,741 --> 00:46:18,886 DIDN'T HELP YOU FIND YOUR MANLY POWERS, I STARTED THINKING ABOUT DEAD PEOPLE AND IF DEAD PEOPLE 1452 00:46:18,910 --> 00:46:21,122 POWERS, I STARTED THINKING ABOUT DEAD PEOPLE AND IF DEAD PEOPLE SECRETLY WATCH TO SEE IF YOU GO 1453 00:46:21,146 --> 00:46:22,723 DEAD PEOPLE AND IF DEAD PEOPLE SECRETLY WATCH TO SEE IF YOU GO TO THEIR FUNERAL. 1454 00:46:22,747 --> 00:46:24,725 SECRETLY WATCH TO SEE IF YOU GO TO THEIR FUNERAL. YOU LOOKING AT CERTAIN 1455 00:46:24,749 --> 00:46:27,394 TO THEIR FUNERAL. YOU LOOKING AT CERTAIN PARTS OF MY BODY AND YOU 1456 00:46:27,418 --> 00:46:30,064 YOU LOOKING AT CERTAIN PARTS OF MY BODY AND YOU THINKING THE WORD "DEAD"? 1457 00:46:30,088 --> 00:46:31,232 PARTS OF MY BODY AND YOU THINKING THE WORD "DEAD"? WELL, NO WONDER. 1458 00:46:31,256 --> 00:46:33,300 THINKING THE WORD "DEAD"? WELL, NO WONDER. IF YOU'RE WONDERING WHY THERE IS 1459 00:46:33,324 --> 00:46:35,136 WELL, NO WONDER. IF YOU'RE WONDERING WHY THERE IS NO WONDER, WELL, THERE IS NO 1460 00:46:35,160 --> 00:46:38,305 IF YOU'RE WONDERING WHY THERE IS NO WONDER, WELL, THERE IS NO WONDER. 1461 00:46:38,329 --> 00:46:40,507 NO WONDER, WELL, THERE IS NO WONDER. YOU KNOW, I HAVE BEEN WITH, IF 1462 00:46:40,531 --> 00:46:42,276 WONDER. YOU KNOW, I HAVE BEEN WITH, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, A 1463 00:46:42,300 --> 00:46:44,178 YOU KNOW, I HAVE BEEN WITH, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, A SEMIPROFESSIONAL SINGER. 1464 00:46:44,202 --> 00:46:45,112 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, A SEMIPROFESSIONAL SINGER. I KNOW. 1465 00:46:45,136 --> 00:46:47,248 SEMIPROFESSIONAL SINGER. I KNOW. I HAVE HAD ADULT RELATIONS 1466 00:46:47,272 --> 00:46:50,450 I KNOW. I HAVE HAD ADULT RELATIONS WITH A SEMIPROFESSIONAL SINGER. 1467 00:46:50,474 --> 00:46:51,618 I HAVE HAD ADULT RELATIONS WITH A SEMIPROFESSIONAL SINGER. I KNOW. 1468 00:46:51,642 --> 00:46:53,821 WITH A SEMIPROFESSIONAL SINGER. I KNOW. NOT TO MENTION MANY OTHERS, 1469 00:46:53,845 --> 00:46:55,823 I KNOW. NOT TO MENTION MANY OTHERS, NOT TO MENTION THE REST. 1470 00:46:55,847 --> 00:46:58,092 NOT TO MENTION MANY OTHERS, NOT TO MENTION THE REST. ONLY TO MENTION THE ONE THAT 1471 00:46:58,116 --> 00:47:00,594 NOT TO MENTION THE REST. ONLY TO MENTION THE ONE THAT PROVES TO A MAN WHO HAS BEEN TO 1472 00:47:00,618 --> 00:47:02,663 ONLY TO MENTION THE ONE THAT PROVES TO A MAN WHO HAS BEEN TO HOUSTON AND LEFT BEHIND A 1473 00:47:02,687 --> 00:47:04,865 PROVES TO A MAN WHO HAS BEEN TO HOUSTON AND LEFT BEHIND A SATISFIED SEMIPROFESSIONAL 1474 00:47:04,889 --> 00:47:05,866 HOUSTON AND LEFT BEHIND A SATISFIED SEMIPROFESSIONAL SINGER! 1475 00:47:05,890 --> 00:47:07,634 SATISFIED SEMIPROFESSIONAL SINGER! [Crying] I HAVE WORN EVERY 1476 00:47:07,658 --> 00:47:09,336 SINGER! [Crying] I HAVE WORN EVERY PIECE OF UNDERWEAR YOU'VE SENT 1477 00:47:09,360 --> 00:47:11,038 [Crying] I HAVE WORN EVERY PIECE OF UNDERWEAR YOU'VE SENT AWAY FOR FROM THE BACK OF THAT 1478 00:47:11,062 --> 00:47:11,738 PIECE OF UNDERWEAR YOU'VE SENT AWAY FOR FROM THE BACK OF THAT MAGAZINE! 1479 00:47:11,762 --> 00:47:13,340 AWAY FOR FROM THE BACK OF THAT MAGAZINE! IT'S NOT JUST A MATTER OF 1480 00:47:13,364 --> 00:47:16,110 MAGAZINE! IT'S NOT JUST A MATTER OF WEARING SEND-AWAY UNDERWEAR. 1481 00:47:16,134 --> 00:47:19,146 IT'S NOT JUST A MATTER OF WEARING SEND-AWAY UNDERWEAR. IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH YOU 1482 00:47:19,170 --> 00:47:21,682 WEARING SEND-AWAY UNDERWEAR. IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH YOU BEING 18 AND ME BEING 23, 1483 00:47:21,706 --> 00:47:24,384 IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH YOU BEING 18 AND ME BEING 23, WITH YOU COMING TO SEE THAT 1484 00:47:24,408 --> 00:47:27,888 BEING 18 AND ME BEING 23, WITH YOU COMING TO SEE THAT CERTAIN THRILL TO A MAN'S BODY. 1485 00:47:27,912 --> 00:47:29,990 WITH YOU COMING TO SEE THAT CERTAIN THRILL TO A MAN'S BODY. I SEE THAT CERTAIN THRILL. 1486 00:47:30,014 --> 00:47:32,226 CERTAIN THRILL TO A MAN'S BODY. I SEE THAT CERTAIN THRILL. YOU MAY NOT SEE I SEE IT, BUT I 1487 00:47:32,250 --> 00:47:33,760 I SEE THAT CERTAIN THRILL. YOU MAY NOT SEE I SEE IT, BUT I SEE IT. 1488 00:47:33,784 --> 00:47:36,330 YOU MAY NOT SEE I SEE IT, BUT I SEE IT. I SEE IT. 1489 00:47:36,354 --> 00:47:38,332 SEE IT. I SEE IT. AND I FELT IT TWO WEEKS AGO, 1490 00:47:38,356 --> 00:47:40,234 I SEE IT. AND I FELT IT TWO WEEKS AGO, STANDING IN THE FIRE HALL, 1491 00:47:40,258 --> 00:47:41,435 AND I FELT IT TWO WEEKS AGO, STANDING IN THE FIRE HALL, SAYING, "I DO." 1492 00:47:41,459 --> 00:47:42,769 STANDING IN THE FIRE HALL, SAYING, "I DO." I APOLOGIZED TO GOD UNDER MY 1493 00:47:42,793 --> 00:47:44,205 SAYING, "I DO." I APOLOGIZED TO GOD UNDER MY BREATH FOR SEEING THAT CERTAIN 1494 00:47:44,229 --> 00:47:45,639 I APOLOGIZED TO GOD UNDER MY BREATH FOR SEEING THAT CERTAIN THRILL RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF 1495 00:47:45,663 --> 00:47:50,610 BREATH FOR SEEING THAT CERTAIN THRILL RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF THE PREACHER. 1496 00:47:50,634 --> 00:47:53,247 THRILL RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF THE PREACHER. AND SPEAKING OF THE PREACHER, 1497 00:47:53,271 --> 00:47:55,615 THE PREACHER. AND SPEAKING OF THE PREACHER, WHAT'S HAPPENED IN THOSE TWO 1498 00:47:55,639 --> 00:47:56,416 AND SPEAKING OF THE PREACHER, WHAT'S HAPPENED IN THOSE TWO WEEKS? 1499 00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:57,684 WHAT'S HAPPENED IN THOSE TWO WEEKS? WELL, I'LL TELL YOU. 1500 00:47:57,708 --> 00:47:59,586 WEEKS? WELL, I'LL TELL YOU. AND IT STARTS WITH THIS BEING MY 1501 00:47:59,610 --> 00:48:01,388 WELL, I'LL TELL YOU. AND IT STARTS WITH THIS BEING MY HOME, AND IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE 1502 00:48:01,412 --> 00:48:01,788 AND IT STARTS WITH THIS BEING MY HOME, AND IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE IT. 1503 00:48:01,812 --> 00:48:03,523 HOME, AND IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE IT. AND IT STARTS WITH YOU MAKING 1504 00:48:03,547 --> 00:48:04,758 IT. AND IT STARTS WITH YOU MAKING THAT NEW VEGETABLE. 1505 00:48:04,782 --> 00:48:06,293 AND IT STARTS WITH YOU MAKING THAT NEW VEGETABLE. BRUSSELS SPROUTS? 1506 00:48:06,317 --> 00:48:08,729 THAT NEW VEGETABLE. BRUSSELS SPROUTS? A NEW VEGETABLE! 1507 00:48:08,753 --> 00:48:10,331 BRUSSELS SPROUTS? A NEW VEGETABLE! I DON'T NEED A NEW VEGETABLE. 1508 00:48:10,355 --> 00:48:11,966 A NEW VEGETABLE! I DON'T NEED A NEW VEGETABLE. I HAVE TROUBLE ENOUGH WITH THE 1509 00:48:11,990 --> 00:48:13,901 I DON'T NEED A NEW VEGETABLE. I HAVE TROUBLE ENOUGH WITH THE OLD VEGETABLES WITHOUT YOU 1510 00:48:13,925 --> 00:48:15,970 I HAVE TROUBLE ENOUGH WITH THE OLD VEGETABLES WITHOUT YOU BRINGING IN A NEW VEGETABLE. 1511 00:48:15,994 --> 00:48:18,239 OLD VEGETABLES WITHOUT YOU BRINGING IN A NEW VEGETABLE. AND YOU ALWAYS IGNORING ME WHEN 1512 00:48:18,263 --> 00:48:20,307 BRINGING IN A NEW VEGETABLE. AND YOU ALWAYS IGNORING ME WHEN I ASK YOU TO BUY FRUIT SLAW. 1513 00:48:20,331 --> 00:48:22,176 AND YOU ALWAYS IGNORING ME WHEN I ASK YOU TO BUY FRUIT SLAW. YOU DIDN'T EXPLAIN IT! 1514 00:48:22,200 --> 00:48:23,344 I ASK YOU TO BUY FRUIT SLAW. YOU DIDN'T EXPLAIN IT! IT'S FRUIT SLAW. 1515 00:48:23,368 --> 00:48:24,979 YOU DIDN'T EXPLAIN IT! IT'S FRUIT SLAW. YOU BUY IT AT THE DAIRY CASE. 1516 00:48:25,003 --> 00:48:26,680 IT'S FRUIT SLAW. YOU BUY IT AT THE DAIRY CASE. IT COMES IN THE PLASTIC THING. 1517 00:48:26,704 --> 00:48:28,215 YOU BUY IT AT THE DAIRY CASE. IT COMES IN THE PLASTIC THING. IT'S LIKE COLESLAW, ONLY IT'S 1518 00:48:28,239 --> 00:48:29,049 IT COMES IN THE PLASTIC THING. IT'S LIKE COLESLAW, ONLY IT'S MADE OF FRUIT. 1519 00:48:29,073 --> 00:48:30,517 IT'S LIKE COLESLAW, ONLY IT'S MADE OF FRUIT. IT'S FRUIT SLAW! FRUIT SLAW! 1520 00:48:30,541 --> 00:48:32,152 MADE OF FRUIT. IT'S FRUIT SLAW! FRUIT SLAW! NOW, HOW MUCH MORE CAN A MAN SAY 1521 00:48:32,176 --> 00:48:34,221 IT'S FRUIT SLAW! FRUIT SLAW! NOW, HOW MUCH MORE CAN A MAN SAY ABOUT FRUIT SLAW?! 1522 00:48:34,245 --> 00:48:36,723 NOW, HOW MUCH MORE CAN A MAN SAY ABOUT FRUIT SLAW?! [Crying] I'M SORRY. 1523 00:48:36,747 --> 00:48:39,059 ABOUT FRUIT SLAW?! [Crying] I'M SORRY. AND YOU ALWAYS USING THE WORD 1524 00:48:39,083 --> 00:48:41,428 [Crying] I'M SORRY. AND YOU ALWAYS USING THE WORD "CASSEROLE" TO MEAN THE FOOD AND 1525 00:48:41,452 --> 00:48:43,264 AND YOU ALWAYS USING THE WORD "CASSEROLE" TO MEAN THE FOOD AND THE THING YOU PUT IT IN. 1526 00:48:43,288 --> 00:48:45,532 "CASSEROLE" TO MEAN THE FOOD AND THE THING YOU PUT IT IN. NOT TO MENTION YOU CHANGING THE 1527 00:48:45,556 --> 00:48:47,801 THE THING YOU PUT IT IN. NOT TO MENTION YOU CHANGING THE CHANNEL EVERY TIME I'M WATCHING 1528 00:48:47,825 --> 00:48:49,403 NOT TO MENTION YOU CHANGING THE CHANNEL EVERY TIME I'M WATCHING MY FAVORITE PROGRAM. 1529 00:48:49,427 --> 00:48:51,405 CHANNEL EVERY TIME I'M WATCHING MY FAVORITE PROGRAM. NOT TO MENTION THE BATHROOM. 1530 00:48:51,429 --> 00:48:53,307 MY FAVORITE PROGRAM. NOT TO MENTION THE BATHROOM. NO, ALL YOUR THINGS IN THE 1531 00:48:53,331 --> 00:48:54,141 NOT TO MENTION THE BATHROOM. NO, ALL YOUR THINGS IN THE BATHROOM. 1532 00:48:54,165 --> 00:48:56,343 NO, ALL YOUR THINGS IN THE BATHROOM. IT'S BEEN TWO WEEKS OF ME TRYING 1533 00:48:56,367 --> 00:48:58,279 BATHROOM. IT'S BEEN TWO WEEKS OF ME TRYING TO TAKE CARE OF MY BUSINESS, 1534 00:48:58,303 --> 00:49:00,480 IT'S BEEN TWO WEEKS OF ME TRYING TO TAKE CARE OF MY BUSINESS, AND EVERY TIME I SIT DOWN TO IT, 1535 00:49:00,504 --> 00:49:03,450 TO TAKE CARE OF MY BUSINESS, AND EVERY TIME I SIT DOWN TO IT, MY EYES COME SMACK AGAINST A 1536 00:49:03,474 --> 00:49:05,685 AND EVERY TIME I SIT DOWN TO IT, MY EYES COME SMACK AGAINST A BOTTLE OF MISS CLAIROL SPARKLING 1537 00:49:05,709 --> 00:49:07,721 MY EYES COME SMACK AGAINST A BOTTLE OF MISS CLAIROL SPARKLING CHERRY COLOR-NUMBER 101 FOR A 1538 00:49:07,745 --> 00:49:09,456 BOTTLE OF MISS CLAIROL SPARKLING CHERRY COLOR-NUMBER 101 FOR A NATURAL, LUSTROUS SHEEN, 1539 00:49:09,480 --> 00:49:10,958 CHERRY COLOR-NUMBER 101 FOR A NATURAL, LUSTROUS SHEEN, FULL-BODIED, GLOWING WITH 1540 00:49:10,982 --> 00:49:12,659 NATURAL, LUSTROUS SHEEN, FULL-BODIED, GLOWING WITH HIGHLIGHTS... I KNOW ALL THIS 1541 00:49:12,683 --> 00:49:14,461 FULL-BODIED, GLOWING WITH HIGHLIGHTS... I KNOW ALL THIS CRAP BY HEART FROM TWO WEEKS OF 1542 00:49:14,485 --> 00:49:15,262 HIGHLIGHTS... I KNOW ALL THIS CRAP BY HEART FROM TWO WEEKS OF READING IT. 1543 00:49:15,286 --> 00:49:16,363 CRAP BY HEART FROM TWO WEEKS OF READING IT. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? 1544 00:49:16,387 --> 00:49:18,165 READING IT. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? AND YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT ELSE I 1545 00:49:18,189 --> 00:49:20,134 DO YOU UNDERSTAND? AND YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT ELSE I KNOW? 1546 00:49:20,158 --> 00:49:21,701 AND YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT ELSE I KNOW? SUPER TAMPONS... YOU WANT TO 1547 00:49:21,725 --> 00:49:23,570 KNOW? SUPER TAMPONS... YOU WANT TO HEAR THAT? 1548 00:49:23,594 --> 00:49:25,306 SUPER TAMPONS... YOU WANT TO HEAR THAT? YOU'RE JUST SAYING ALL THESE 1549 00:49:25,330 --> 00:49:27,174 HEAR THAT? YOU'RE JUST SAYING ALL THESE THINGS TO HURT ME. 1550 00:49:27,198 --> 00:49:29,910 YOU'RE JUST SAYING ALL THESE THINGS TO HURT ME. NO, I'M NOT. 1551 00:49:29,934 --> 00:49:33,113 THINGS TO HURT ME. NO, I'M NOT. AND WHAT ABOUT YOU?! 1552 00:49:33,137 --> 00:49:34,949 NO, I'M NOT. AND WHAT ABOUT YOU?! HUNKERING AROUND THE HOUSE ALL 1553 00:49:34,973 --> 00:49:36,683 AND WHAT ABOUT YOU?! HUNKERING AROUND THE HOUSE ALL THE TIME, LOOKING IN ALL THE 1554 00:49:36,707 --> 00:49:38,618 HUNKERING AROUND THE HOUSE ALL THE TIME, LOOKING IN ALL THE CANDY JARS LIKE YOU'RE EXPECTING 1555 00:49:38,642 --> 00:49:40,454 THE TIME, LOOKING IN ALL THE CANDY JARS LIKE YOU'RE EXPECTING TO FIND CANDY IN THERE, EXCEPT 1556 00:49:40,478 --> 00:49:42,222 CANDY JARS LIKE YOU'RE EXPECTING TO FIND CANDY IN THERE, EXCEPT THIS YOUR HOUSE, AND YOU KNOW 1557 00:49:42,246 --> 00:49:44,158 TO FIND CANDY IN THERE, EXCEPT THIS YOUR HOUSE, AND YOU KNOW THERE AIN'T NOTHING IN THERE BUT 1558 00:49:44,182 --> 00:49:46,493 THIS YOUR HOUSE, AND YOU KNOW THERE AIN'T NOTHING IN THERE BUT SAFETY PINS AND RUBBER BANDS. 1559 00:49:46,517 --> 00:49:48,395 THERE AIN'T NOTHING IN THERE BUT SAFETY PINS AND RUBBER BANDS. AND YOU GIVING ME DIRTY LOOKS. 1560 00:49:48,419 --> 00:49:50,264 SAFETY PINS AND RUBBER BANDS. AND YOU GIVING ME DIRTY LOOKS. AND HOW ABOUT THE OTHER NIGHT 1561 00:49:50,288 --> 00:49:51,631 AND YOU GIVING ME DIRTY LOOKS. AND HOW ABOUT THE OTHER NIGHT WHEN YOU SHUSHED ME? 1562 00:49:51,655 --> 00:49:53,633 AND HOW ABOUT THE OTHER NIGHT WHEN YOU SHUSHED ME? YOU SHUSHED ME THREE TIMES WHEN 1563 00:49:53,657 --> 00:49:55,535 WHEN YOU SHUSHED ME? YOU SHUSHED ME THREE TIMES WHEN YOU WAS WATCHING LUCY ARNAZ ON 1564 00:49:55,559 --> 00:49:58,038 YOU SHUSHED ME THREE TIMES WHEN YOU WAS WATCHING LUCY ARNAZ ON "THE $20,000 PYRAMID." 1565 00:49:58,062 --> 00:49:59,506 YOU WAS WATCHING LUCY ARNAZ ON "THE $20,000 PYRAMID." AND EVERY NIGHT AT DINNER, 1566 00:49:59,530 --> 00:50:01,075 "THE $20,000 PYRAMID." AND EVERY NIGHT AT DINNER, YOU'RE ASKING ME IF I WANT MY 1567 00:50:01,099 --> 00:50:02,776 AND EVERY NIGHT AT DINNER, YOU'RE ASKING ME IF I WANT MY DESSERT, LIKE WE'RE BACK AT THE 1568 00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:04,044 YOU'RE ASKING ME IF I WANT MY DESSERT, LIKE WE'RE BACK AT THE HIGH-SCHOOL CAFETERIA. 1569 00:50:04,068 --> 00:50:06,080 DESSERT, LIKE WE'RE BACK AT THE HIGH-SCHOOL CAFETERIA. "DO YOU WANT YOUR DESSERT? 1570 00:50:06,104 --> 00:50:07,948 HIGH-SCHOOL CAFETERIA. "DO YOU WANT YOUR DESSERT? DO YOU WANT YOUR DESSERT?" 1571 00:50:07,972 --> 00:50:10,384 "DO YOU WANT YOUR DESSERT? DO YOU WANT YOUR DESSERT?" LIKE WE GOT MARRIED SO YOU COULD 1572 00:50:10,408 --> 00:50:13,120 DO YOU WANT YOUR DESSERT?" LIKE WE GOT MARRIED SO YOU COULD EAT MY APPLE BROWN BETTY! 1573 00:50:13,144 --> 00:50:15,155 LIKE WE GOT MARRIED SO YOU COULD EAT MY APPLE BROWN BETTY! OHH! OHH! 1574 00:50:15,179 --> 00:50:18,825 EAT MY APPLE BROWN BETTY! OHH! OHH! WELL, WELL, WELL. 1575 00:50:18,849 --> 00:50:21,128 OHH! OHH! WELL, WELL, WELL. MAYBE THIS JUST PROVES WHAT I'VE 1576 00:50:21,152 --> 00:50:23,097 WELL, WELL, WELL. MAYBE THIS JUST PROVES WHAT I'VE BEEN MEANING TO SAY FOR TWO 1577 00:50:23,121 --> 00:50:25,265 MAYBE THIS JUST PROVES WHAT I'VE BEEN MEANING TO SAY FOR TWO WEEKS... YOU SHOULD'VE MARRIED 1578 00:50:25,289 --> 00:50:29,003 BEEN MEANING TO SAY FOR TWO WEEKS... YOU SHOULD'VE MARRIED THAT HANDSOME RICK MOONEY. 1579 00:50:29,027 --> 00:50:30,770 WEEKS... YOU SHOULD'VE MARRIED THAT HANDSOME RICK MOONEY. [EXHALES DEEPLY] 1580 00:50:30,794 --> 00:50:33,474 THAT HANDSOME RICK MOONEY. [EXHALES DEEPLY] WELL, IF I HAD KNOWN... 1581 00:50:33,498 --> 00:50:35,542 [EXHALES DEEPLY] WELL, IF I HAD KNOWN... IF I WOULD'VE KNOWN WHAT I KNOW 1582 00:50:35,566 --> 00:50:37,544 WELL, IF I HAD KNOWN... IF I WOULD'VE KNOWN WHAT I KNOW NOW LAST SUMMER AT CHEERLEADER 1583 00:50:37,568 --> 00:50:39,646 IF I WOULD'VE KNOWN WHAT I KNOW NOW LAST SUMMER AT CHEERLEADER CAMP WHEN I WAS DECIDING BETWEEN 1584 00:50:39,670 --> 00:50:42,782 NOW LAST SUMMER AT CHEERLEADER CAMP WHEN I WAS DECIDING BETWEEN YOU AND RICK MOONEY... 1585 00:50:42,806 --> 00:50:48,188 CAMP WHEN I WAS DECIDING BETWEEN YOU AND RICK MOONEY... 'CAUSE IT ALL HAPPENED DURING 1586 00:50:48,212 --> 00:50:49,656 YOU AND RICK MOONEY... 'CAUSE IT ALL HAPPENED DURING CHEERLEADER CAMP. 1587 00:50:49,680 --> 00:50:51,725 'CAUSE IT ALL HAPPENED DURING CHEERLEADER CAMP. IN A MOMENT OF DEVOTION, WE WERE 1588 00:50:51,749 --> 00:50:53,760 CHEERLEADER CAMP. IN A MOMENT OF DEVOTION, WE WERE ALL DOWN ON OUR KNEES AROUND THE 1589 00:50:53,784 --> 00:50:55,429 IN A MOMENT OF DEVOTION, WE WERE ALL DOWN ON OUR KNEES AROUND THE FLAGPOLE IN THE DRIVEWAY. 1590 00:50:55,453 --> 00:50:56,897 ALL DOWN ON OUR KNEES AROUND THE FLAGPOLE IN THE DRIVEWAY. AND YOU HAD TO HOLD THE JINGLE 1591 00:50:56,921 --> 00:50:58,432 FLAGPOLE IN THE DRIVEWAY. AND YOU HAD TO HOLD THE JINGLE BELLS QUIET ON YOUR TENNIS SHOE 1592 00:50:58,456 --> 00:50:58,899 AND YOU HAD TO HOLD THE JINGLE BELLS QUIET ON YOUR TENNIS SHOE LACES. 1593 00:50:58,923 --> 00:51:00,234 BELLS QUIET ON YOUR TENNIS SHOE LACES. AND I WAS HOLDING MY JINGLE 1594 00:51:00,258 --> 00:51:02,769 LACES. AND I WAS HOLDING MY JINGLE BELLS AND THINKING, "GOD, GIVE 1595 00:51:02,793 --> 00:51:03,837 AND I WAS HOLDING MY JINGLE BELLS AND THINKING, "GOD, GIVE ME A SIGN. 1596 00:51:03,861 --> 00:51:05,805 BELLS AND THINKING, "GOD, GIVE ME A SIGN. HENRY OR RICK MOONEY?" 1597 00:51:05,829 --> 00:51:07,874 ME A SIGN. HENRY OR RICK MOONEY?" AND I SAID, "AMEN" AND WE ALL 1598 00:51:07,898 --> 00:51:09,876 HENRY OR RICK MOONEY?" AND I SAID, "AMEN" AND WE ALL STOOD UP, AND I LET GO OF MY 1599 00:51:09,900 --> 00:51:11,945 AND I SAID, "AMEN" AND WE ALL STOOD UP, AND I LET GO OF MY JINGLE BELLS TO BRUSH OFF THE 1600 00:51:11,969 --> 00:51:13,947 STOOD UP, AND I LET GO OF MY JINGLE BELLS TO BRUSH OFF THE CINDERS OF MY KNEES FROM THE 1601 00:51:13,971 --> 00:51:14,814 JINGLE BELLS TO BRUSH OFF THE CINDERS OF MY KNEES FROM THE DRIVEWAY. 1602 00:51:14,838 --> 00:51:16,450 CINDERS OF MY KNEES FROM THE DRIVEWAY. AND THE CINDERS WERE ALL MASHED 1603 00:51:16,474 --> 00:51:18,252 DRIVEWAY. AND THE CINDERS WERE ALL MASHED INTO MY KNEE'S SKIN, FORMING THE 1604 00:51:18,276 --> 00:51:19,953 AND THE CINDERS WERE ALL MASHED INTO MY KNEE'S SKIN, FORMING THE SHAPE OF AN "H" FOR HENRY, AND 1605 00:51:19,977 --> 00:51:23,123 INTO MY KNEE'S SKIN, FORMING THE SHAPE OF AN "H" FOR HENRY, AND THAT'S WHEN I KNEW. 1606 00:51:23,147 --> 00:51:26,460 SHAPE OF AN "H" FOR HENRY, AND THAT'S WHEN I KNEW. [SOBS] 1607 00:51:26,484 --> 00:51:29,829 THAT'S WHEN I KNEW. [SOBS] IS THAT SO? 1608 00:51:29,853 --> 00:51:31,298 [SOBS] IS THAT SO? I LEARNED TWO THINGS AT 1609 00:51:31,322 --> 00:51:34,034 IS THAT SO? I LEARNED TWO THINGS AT MAJORETTE CAMP LAST SUMMER... 1610 00:51:34,058 --> 00:51:36,903 I LEARNED TWO THINGS AT MAJORETTE CAMP LAST SUMMER... I LOVE YOU... 1611 00:51:36,927 --> 00:51:38,172 MAJORETTE CAMP LAST SUMMER... I LOVE YOU... AND THEY GIVE FREE NUTS TO 1612 00:51:38,196 --> 00:51:42,576 I LOVE YOU... AND THEY GIVE FREE NUTS TO PEOPLE ON AIRPLANES. 1613 00:51:42,600 --> 00:51:45,679 AND THEY GIVE FREE NUTS TO PEOPLE ON AIRPLANES. IS THAT SO? 1614 00:51:45,703 --> 00:51:47,614 PEOPLE ON AIRPLANES. IS THAT SO? NO. 1615 00:51:47,638 --> 00:51:51,318 IS THAT SO? NO. IT'S NOT SO. 1616 00:51:51,342 --> 00:51:52,953 NO. IT'S NOT SO. THE TRUTH IS... 1617 00:51:52,977 --> 00:51:54,455 IT'S NOT SO. THE TRUTH IS... THE CINDERS IN MY KNEE'S SKIN 1618 00:51:54,479 --> 00:51:56,123 THE TRUTH IS... THE CINDERS IN MY KNEE'S SKIN DIDN'T FORM THE SHAPE OF AN "H." 1619 00:51:56,147 --> 00:51:57,624 THE CINDERS IN MY KNEE'S SKIN DIDN'T FORM THE SHAPE OF AN "H." THE CINDERS IN MY KNEE'S SKIN 1620 00:51:57,648 --> 00:51:59,393 DIDN'T FORM THE SHAPE OF AN "H." THE CINDERS IN MY KNEE'S SKIN DIDN'T FORM ANYTHING. 1621 00:51:59,417 --> 00:52:00,860 THE CINDERS IN MY KNEE'S SKIN DIDN'T FORM ANYTHING. BUT I MADE UP THAT STORY BECAUSE 1622 00:52:00,884 --> 00:52:02,028 DIDN'T FORM ANYTHING. BUT I MADE UP THAT STORY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, AND YOU NEVER 1623 00:52:02,052 --> 00:52:03,363 BUT I MADE UP THAT STORY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, AND YOU NEVER BELIEVED I LOVED YOU MORE THAN 1624 00:52:03,387 --> 00:52:04,631 I LOVE YOU, AND YOU NEVER BELIEVED I LOVED YOU MORE THAN RICK MOONEY. 1625 00:52:04,655 --> 00:52:06,600 BELIEVED I LOVED YOU MORE THAN RICK MOONEY. AND I STILL LOVE YOU. 1626 00:52:06,624 --> 00:52:08,268 RICK MOONEY. AND I STILL LOVE YOU. I STILL LOVE YOU. 1627 00:52:08,292 --> 00:52:09,769 AND I STILL LOVE YOU. I STILL LOVE YOU. AND I HAVE SEEN YOUR WORK PANTS 1628 00:52:09,793 --> 00:52:10,870 I STILL LOVE YOU. AND I HAVE SEEN YOUR WORK PANTS WITHOUT YOU IN THEM. 1629 00:52:10,894 --> 00:52:12,506 AND I HAVE SEEN YOUR WORK PANTS WITHOUT YOU IN THEM. I'VE SEEN ALL THOSE THINGS, WITH 1630 00:52:12,530 --> 00:52:13,974 WITHOUT YOU IN THEM. I'VE SEEN ALL THOSE THINGS, WITH THE SEAT STUCK OUT ON ITS OWN 1631 00:52:13,998 --> 00:52:15,476 I'VE SEEN ALL THOSE THINGS, WITH THE SEAT STUCK OUT ON ITS OWN AND ALL, AND I'VE SEEN ALL OF 1632 00:52:15,500 --> 00:52:20,981 THE SEAT STUCK OUT ON ITS OWN AND ALL, AND I'VE SEEN ALL OF THAT, AND I STILL LOVE YOU. 1633 00:52:21,005 --> 00:52:23,517 AND ALL, AND I'VE SEEN ALL OF THAT, AND I STILL LOVE YOU. SO... 1634 00:52:23,541 --> 00:52:26,386 THAT, AND I STILL LOVE YOU. SO... NOW YOU KNOW. 1635 00:52:26,410 --> 00:52:27,521 SO... NOW YOU KNOW. [SIGHS] 1636 00:52:27,545 --> 00:52:30,724 NOW YOU KNOW. [SIGHS] NOW I KNOW. 1637 00:52:30,748 --> 00:52:34,027 [SIGHS] NOW I KNOW. HEY, UH, PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON. 1638 00:52:34,051 --> 00:52:35,129 NOW I KNOW. HEY, UH, PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON. GO ON. 1639 00:52:35,153 --> 00:52:36,163 HEY, UH, PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON. GO ON. WHAT FOR? 1640 00:52:36,187 --> 00:52:37,931 GO ON. WHAT FOR? WE'LL GO TO THE 7-ELEVEN. 1641 00:52:37,955 --> 00:52:42,503 WHAT FOR? WE'LL GO TO THE 7-ELEVEN. I'LL BUY YOU A CHERRY SLUSH. 1642 00:52:42,527 --> 00:52:44,571 WE'LL GO TO THE 7-ELEVEN. I'LL BUY YOU A CHERRY SLUSH. CHERRY SLUSH? 1643 00:52:44,595 --> 00:52:46,206 I'LL BUY YOU A CHERRY SLUSH. CHERRY SLUSH? OH, HENRY. 1644 00:52:46,230 --> 00:52:49,831 CHERRY SLUSH? OH, HENRY. OH, HENRY, HENRY. 1645 00:53:02,245 --> 00:53:08,028 IN TEXAS, WHERE I COME FROM, EVERYBODY TWIRLS A BATON. YESTERDAY, I GOT TO TWIRL MINE 1646 00:53:08,052 --> 00:53:09,229 EVERYBODY TWIRLS A BATON. YESTERDAY, I GOT TO TWIRL MINE FOR GARY WEIS. 1647 00:53:09,253 --> 00:53:12,087 YESTERDAY, I GOT TO TWIRL MINE FOR GARY WEIS. HERE'S THIS WEEK'S FILM. 1648 00:53:15,692 --> 00:53:19,195 [DAVID BOWIE'S "FAME" PLAYS] 1649 00:53:37,514 --> 00:53:44,231 ♪ COULD IT BE THE BEST? ♪ ♪ COULD IT BE? ♪ ♪ REALLY BE ♪ 1650 00:53:44,255 --> 00:53:47,668 ♪ COULD IT BE? ♪ ♪ REALLY BE ♪ ♪ REALLY, BABE ♪ 1651 00:53:47,692 --> 00:53:49,169 ♪ REALLY BE ♪ ♪ REALLY, BABE ♪ ♪ COULD IT BE, MY BABE? ♪ 1652 00:53:49,193 --> 00:53:52,472 ♪ REALLY, BABE ♪ ♪ COULD IT BE, MY BABE? ♪ ♪ COULD IT, BABE? ♪ 1653 00:53:52,496 --> 00:53:53,973 ♪ COULD IT BE, MY BABE? ♪ ♪ COULD IT, BABE? ♪ ♪ COULD IT, BABE? ♪ 1654 00:53:53,997 --> 00:53:55,008 ♪ COULD IT, BABE? ♪ ♪ COULD IT, BABE? ♪ ♪ COULD IT? ♪ 1655 00:53:55,032 --> 00:53:57,143 ♪ COULD IT, BABE? ♪ ♪ COULD IT? ♪ ♪ IT IS ANY WONDER ♪ 1656 00:53:57,167 --> 00:54:00,080 ♪ COULD IT? ♪ ♪ IT IS ANY WONDER ♪ ♪ I REJECT YOU FIRST? ♪ 1657 00:54:00,104 --> 00:54:05,085 ♪ IT IS ANY WONDER ♪ ♪ I REJECT YOU FIRST? ♪ ♪ FAME, FAME, FAME, FAME ♪ 1658 00:54:05,109 --> 00:54:07,153 ♪ I REJECT YOU FIRST? ♪ ♪ FAME, FAME, FAME, FAME ♪ ♪ IS IT ANY WONDER ♪ 1659 00:54:07,177 --> 00:54:10,490 ♪ FAME, FAME, FAME, FAME ♪ ♪ IS IT ANY WONDER ♪ ♪ YOU'RE TOO COOL TO FOOL? ♪ 1660 00:54:10,514 --> 00:54:14,861 ♪ IS IT ANY WONDER ♪ ♪ YOU'RE TOO COOL TO FOOL? ♪ ♪ FAME, FAME ♪ 1661 00:54:14,885 --> 00:54:15,929 ♪ YOU'RE TOO COOL TO FOOL? ♪ ♪ FAME, FAME ♪ ♪ FAME ♪ 1662 00:54:15,953 --> 00:54:17,797 ♪ FAME, FAME ♪ ♪ FAME ♪ ♪ BULLY FOR YOU, CHILLY FOR 1663 00:54:17,821 --> 00:54:18,798 ♪ FAME ♪ ♪ BULLY FOR YOU, CHILLY FOR ME ♪ 1664 00:54:18,822 --> 00:54:20,601 ♪ BULLY FOR YOU, CHILLY FOR ME ♪ ♪ GOT TO GET A RAIN CHECK ON ♪ 1665 00:54:20,625 --> 00:54:26,206 ME ♪ ♪ GOT TO GET A RAIN CHECK ON ♪ ♪ PAIN ♪ 1666 00:54:26,230 --> 00:54:28,070 ♪ GOT TO GET A RAIN CHECK ON ♪ ♪ PAIN ♪ ♪ FAME ♪ 1667 00:54:37,674 --> 00:54:45,674 ♪ FAME, FAME, FAME, FAME, FAME, FAME, FAME, FAME, FAME ♪ ♪ FAME, FAME, FAME, FAME, FAME, 1668 00:54:46,083 --> 00:54:48,662 FAME, FAME, FAME, FAME, FAME ♪ ♪ FAME, FAME, FAME, FAME, FAME, FAME, FAME, FAME, FAME, FAME ♪ 1669 00:54:48,686 --> 00:54:52,166 ♪ FAME, FAME, FAME, FAME, FAME, FAME, FAME, FAME, FAME, FAME ♪ ♪ FAME, FAME, FAME, FAME ♪ 1670 00:55:04,233 --> 00:55:10,751 Announcer: AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR "BAD PLAYHOUSE" WITH YOUR HOST, LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL. 1671 00:55:10,775 --> 00:55:11,718 FOR "BAD PLAYHOUSE" WITH YOUR HOST, LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL. HELLO, I'M 1672 00:55:11,742 --> 00:55:13,420 HOST, LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL. HELLO, I'M LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL, AND 1673 00:55:13,444 --> 00:55:14,821 HELLO, I'M LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL, AND WELCOME ONCE AGAIN TO 1674 00:55:14,845 --> 00:55:15,955 LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL, AND WELCOME ONCE AGAIN TO "BAD PLAYHOUSE." 1675 00:55:15,979 --> 00:55:17,557 WELCOME ONCE AGAIN TO "BAD PLAYHOUSE." TONIGHT, WE FEATURE A WORK BY 1676 00:55:17,581 --> 00:55:19,293 "BAD PLAYHOUSE." TONIGHT, WE FEATURE A WORK BY JAN VORSTAD, ONE OF THE WORST OF 1677 00:55:19,317 --> 00:55:20,727 TONIGHT, WE FEATURE A WORK BY JAN VORSTAD, ONE OF THE WORST OF THE NEW BREED OF BAD DUTCH 1678 00:55:20,751 --> 00:55:22,262 JAN VORSTAD, ONE OF THE WORST OF THE NEW BREED OF BAD DUTCH PLAYWRIGHTS OF THE PIET HEIN 1679 00:55:22,286 --> 00:55:22,829 THE NEW BREED OF BAD DUTCH PLAYWRIGHTS OF THE PIET HEIN SCHOOL. 1680 00:55:22,853 --> 00:55:24,464 PLAYWRIGHTS OF THE PIET HEIN SCHOOL. HIS WORK HAS BEEN REVILED, NOT 1681 00:55:24,488 --> 00:55:26,199 SCHOOL. HIS WORK HAS BEEN REVILED, NOT ONLY IN HIS NATIVE AMSTERDAM BUT 1682 00:55:26,223 --> 00:55:27,501 HIS WORK HAS BEEN REVILED, NOT ONLY IN HIS NATIVE AMSTERDAM BUT THROUGHOUT EUROPE. 1683 00:55:27,525 --> 00:55:29,603 ONLY IN HIS NATIVE AMSTERDAM BUT THROUGHOUT EUROPE. VORSTAD'S EARLY PLAYS DEALT WITH 1684 00:55:29,627 --> 00:55:31,571 THROUGHOUT EUROPE. VORSTAD'S EARLY PLAYS DEALT WITH THE EXISTENTIALISM OF BEING... 1685 00:55:31,595 --> 00:55:33,407 VORSTAD'S EARLY PLAYS DEALT WITH THE EXISTENTIALISM OF BEING... DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND BECAUSE 1686 00:55:33,431 --> 00:55:34,874 THE EXISTENTIALISM OF BEING... DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND BECAUSE THEY WERE SO VERY POORLY 1687 00:55:34,898 --> 00:55:35,509 DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND BECAUSE THEY WERE SO VERY POORLY WRITTEN. 1688 00:55:35,533 --> 00:55:37,076 THEY WERE SO VERY POORLY WRITTEN. TONIGHT'S PLAY IS ENTITLED 1689 00:55:37,100 --> 00:55:38,745 WRITTEN. TONIGHT'S PLAY IS ENTITLED "THE MILLKEEPER," WRITTEN BY 1690 00:55:38,769 --> 00:55:40,480 TONIGHT'S PLAY IS ENTITLED "THE MILLKEEPER," WRITTEN BY JAN VORSTAD IN 1953 BEFORE HE 1691 00:55:40,504 --> 00:55:41,948 "THE MILLKEEPER," WRITTEN BY JAN VORSTAD IN 1953 BEFORE HE HAD EVEN LEARNED TO FORM 1692 00:55:41,972 --> 00:55:44,150 JAN VORSTAD IN 1953 BEFORE HE HAD EVEN LEARNED TO FORM SENTENCES. 1693 00:55:44,174 --> 00:55:46,186 HAD EVEN LEARNED TO FORM SENTENCES. THE PRINCIPAL CHARACTERS OF THE 1694 00:55:46,210 --> 00:55:48,154 SENTENCES. THE PRINCIPAL CHARACTERS OF THE PLAY ARE THE YOUNG MILLKEEPER, 1695 00:55:48,178 --> 00:55:50,256 THE PRINCIPAL CHARACTERS OF THE PLAY ARE THE YOUNG MILLKEEPER, NILS, HIS NEW BRIDE, PIETRE, HIS 1696 00:55:50,280 --> 00:55:52,091 PLAY ARE THE YOUNG MILLKEEPER, NILS, HIS NEW BRIDE, PIETRE, HIS SISTER, JANN, DEATH, AND THE 1697 00:55:52,115 --> 00:55:53,059 NILS, HIS NEW BRIDE, PIETRE, HIS SISTER, JANN, DEATH, AND THE MILL ITSELF. 1698 00:55:53,083 --> 00:55:54,695 SISTER, JANN, DEATH, AND THE MILL ITSELF. THE INTERACTION OF THE PLAY 1699 00:55:54,719 --> 00:55:56,430 MILL ITSELF. THE INTERACTION OF THE PLAY DEALS WITH THE TORMENT OF THE 1700 00:55:56,454 --> 00:55:57,897 THE INTERACTION OF THE PLAY DEALS WITH THE TORMENT OF THE YOUNG BRIDE ALONE IN THE 1701 00:55:57,921 --> 00:55:59,800 DEALS WITH THE TORMENT OF THE YOUNG BRIDE ALONE IN THE WINDMILL WITH HER SISTER, WHO IS 1702 00:55:59,824 --> 00:56:01,668 YOUNG BRIDE ALONE IN THE WINDMILL WITH HER SISTER, WHO IS CAUGHT IN THE CLUTCHES OF DEATH. 1703 00:56:01,692 --> 00:56:03,102 WINDMILL WITH HER SISTER, WHO IS CAUGHT IN THE CLUTCHES OF DEATH. AND NILS IS TORN BETWEEN THE 1704 00:56:03,126 --> 00:56:04,471 CAUGHT IN THE CLUTCHES OF DEATH. AND NILS IS TORN BETWEEN THE IDEA OF LOVING THEM AND HIS 1705 00:56:04,495 --> 00:56:05,839 AND NILS IS TORN BETWEEN THE IDEA OF LOVING THEM AND HIS ENDLESS NEED TO WORK AT THE 1706 00:56:05,863 --> 00:56:07,006 IDEA OF LOVING THEM AND HIS ENDLESS NEED TO WORK AT THE MILLING OF GRAINS. 1707 00:56:07,030 --> 00:56:09,376 ENDLESS NEED TO WORK AT THE MILLING OF GRAINS. IT IS TWILIGHT AS THE PLAY 1708 00:56:09,400 --> 00:56:11,945 MILLING OF GRAINS. IT IS TWILIGHT AS THE PLAY BEGINS. 1709 00:56:11,969 --> 00:56:13,689 IT IS TWILIGHT AS THE PLAY BEGINS. [CREAKING] 1710 00:56:32,989 --> 00:56:40,989 AAAAH! AAAAAAH! AAAAAH! 1711 00:56:44,535 --> 00:56:48,982 AAAAAAH! AAAAAH! AAAAAAAH! 1712 00:56:49,006 --> 00:56:53,587 AAAAAH! AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAH! 1713 00:56:53,611 --> 00:56:57,524 AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAH! 1714 00:56:57,548 --> 00:57:04,097 AAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAH! 1715 00:57:04,121 --> 00:57:04,998 AAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAH! THANK YOU. 1716 00:57:05,022 --> 00:57:06,165 AAAAAAAH! THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH. 1717 00:57:06,189 --> 00:57:08,001 THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH. THERE, NOW, THAT WASN'T SO GOOD, 1718 00:57:08,025 --> 00:57:09,536 THANK YOU SO MUCH. THERE, NOW, THAT WASN'T SO GOOD, WAS IT? 1719 00:57:09,560 --> 00:57:10,871 THERE, NOW, THAT WASN'T SO GOOD, WAS IT? AND NOW I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE 1720 00:57:10,895 --> 00:57:11,872 WAS IT? AND NOW I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE THE CAST OF TONIGHT'S 1721 00:57:11,896 --> 00:57:12,706 AND NOW I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE THE CAST OF TONIGHT'S "BAD PLAYHOUSE." 1722 00:57:12,730 --> 00:57:14,140 THE CAST OF TONIGHT'S "BAD PLAYHOUSE." THE ARDENT, YOUNG MILLKEEPER WAS 1723 00:57:14,164 --> 00:57:16,376 "BAD PLAYHOUSE." THE ARDENT, YOUNG MILLKEEPER WAS PLAYED BY MIKE MULAY. 1724 00:57:16,400 --> 00:57:20,013 THE ARDENT, YOUNG MILLKEEPER WAS PLAYED BY MIKE MULAY. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1725 00:57:20,037 --> 00:57:22,416 PLAYED BY MIKE MULAY. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THE YOUNG BRIDE WAS PORTRAYED BY 1726 00:57:22,440 --> 00:57:23,850 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THE YOUNG BRIDE WAS PORTRAYED BY CHRISTINA MALFEY. 1727 00:57:23,874 --> 00:57:26,286 THE YOUNG BRIDE WAS PORTRAYED BY CHRISTINA MALFEY. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1728 00:57:26,310 --> 00:57:27,754 CHRISTINA MALFEY. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] AND THE SISTER WAS 1729 00:57:27,778 --> 00:57:29,756 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] AND THE SISTER WAS GENEVEVE VENUS. 1730 00:57:29,780 --> 00:57:32,559 AND THE SISTER WAS GENEVEVE VENUS. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1731 00:57:32,583 --> 00:57:35,595 GENEVEVE VENUS. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [LAUGHS] 1732 00:57:35,619 --> 00:57:37,964 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [LAUGHS] AND DEATH WAS RONNIE BATEMAN. 1733 00:57:37,988 --> 00:57:40,308 [LAUGHS] AND DEATH WAS RONNIE BATEMAN. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1734 00:57:49,499 --> 00:57:55,849 MUCH... [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE CONTINUES] 1735 00:57:55,873 --> 00:57:58,184 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE CONTINUES] TERRIBLE. TERRIBLE. 1736 00:57:58,208 --> 00:58:01,387 [CONTINUES] TERRIBLE. TERRIBLE. AWFUL. AWFUL. AWFUL. 1737 00:58:01,411 --> 00:58:02,221 TERRIBLE. TERRIBLE. AWFUL. AWFUL. AWFUL. COULDN'T BE WORSE. 1738 00:58:02,245 --> 00:58:03,289 AWFUL. AWFUL. AWFUL. COULDN'T BE WORSE. COULDN'T BE WORSE. 1739 00:58:03,313 --> 00:58:05,124 COULDN'T BE WORSE. COULDN'T BE WORSE. TERRIBLE. SIMPLY AWFUL. 1740 00:58:05,148 --> 00:58:07,193 COULDN'T BE WORSE. TERRIBLE. SIMPLY AWFUL. MUCH OF VORSTAD'S WORK WAS MUCH 1741 00:58:07,217 --> 00:58:08,929 TERRIBLE. SIMPLY AWFUL. MUCH OF VORSTAD'S WORK WAS MUCH WORSE IN HIS LATER YEARS. 1742 00:58:08,953 --> 00:58:10,897 MUCH OF VORSTAD'S WORK WAS MUCH WORSE IN HIS LATER YEARS. NEXT WEEK ON "BAD PLAYHOUSE," 1743 00:58:10,921 --> 00:58:12,966 WORSE IN HIS LATER YEARS. NEXT WEEK ON "BAD PLAYHOUSE," JOIN ME FOR AN EVEN WORSE PLAY, 1744 00:58:12,990 --> 00:58:14,067 NEXT WEEK ON "BAD PLAYHOUSE," JOIN ME FOR AN EVEN WORSE PLAY, ELMO SIMPSON'S 1745 00:58:14,091 --> 00:58:15,401 JOIN ME FOR AN EVEN WORSE PLAY, ELMO SIMPSON'S "THE HOT CARRIER." 1746 00:58:15,425 --> 00:58:16,603 ELMO SIMPSON'S "THE HOT CARRIER." UNTIL THEN, THIS IS 1747 00:58:16,627 --> 00:58:18,271 "THE HOT CARRIER." UNTIL THEN, THIS IS LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL SAYING 1748 00:58:18,295 --> 00:58:20,615 UNTIL THEN, THIS IS LEONARD PINTH-GARNELL SAYING GOOD NIGHT. 1749 00:58:47,189 --> 00:58:55,189 ♪ WELL, I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR SOMEBODY ♪ ♪ GOT MY MIND MADE UP ♪ 1750 00:58:55,232 --> 00:58:58,277 SOMEBODY ♪ ♪ GOT MY MIND MADE UP ♪ ♪ WHO DOESN'T NEED A LOT TO 1751 00:58:58,301 --> 00:59:01,347 ♪ GOT MY MIND MADE UP ♪ ♪ WHO DOESN'T NEED A LOT TO SAY ♪ 1752 00:59:01,371 --> 00:59:05,919 ♪ WHO DOESN'T NEED A LOT TO SAY ♪ ♪ SO THAT WHEN WE TALK, AT LEAST 1753 00:59:05,943 --> 00:59:13,943 SAY ♪ ♪ SO THAT WHEN WE TALK, AT LEAST WE'RE NOT PLAYING GAMES ♪ 1754 00:59:15,252 --> 00:59:18,565 ♪ SO THAT WHEN WE TALK, AT LEAST WE'RE NOT PLAYING GAMES ♪ ♪ I'VE BEEN IN LOVE BEFORE, BUT 1755 00:59:18,589 --> 00:59:21,501 WE'RE NOT PLAYING GAMES ♪ ♪ I'VE BEEN IN LOVE BEFORE, BUT I GOT HURT SO BAD ♪ 1756 00:59:21,525 --> 00:59:25,672 ♪ I'VE BEEN IN LOVE BEFORE, BUT I GOT HURT SO BAD ♪ ♪ THAT I STILL CAN'T FEEL THE 1757 00:59:25,696 --> 00:59:29,409 I GOT HURT SO BAD ♪ ♪ THAT I STILL CAN'T FEEL THE PAIN ♪ 1758 00:59:29,433 --> 00:59:32,512 ♪ THAT I STILL CAN'T FEEL THE PAIN ♪ ♪ I WANT TO LOVE AGAIN, BUT I 1759 00:59:32,536 --> 00:59:40,536 PAIN ♪ ♪ I WANT TO LOVE AGAIN, BUT I STILL FEEL TOO AFRAID ♪ 1760 00:59:41,244 --> 00:59:45,158 ♪ I WANT TO LOVE AGAIN, BUT I STILL FEEL TOO AFRAID ♪ ♪ SO I'VE BEEN LIVING IN THE 1761 00:59:45,182 --> 00:59:49,596 STILL FEEL TOO AFRAID ♪ ♪ SO I'VE BEEN LIVING IN THE CITY OF THE ONE-NIGHT STANDS ♪ 1762 00:59:49,620 --> 00:59:52,933 ♪ SO I'VE BEEN LIVING IN THE CITY OF THE ONE-NIGHT STANDS ♪ ♪ AND SLEEPING NEXT TO PITY, 1763 00:59:52,957 --> 00:59:56,536 CITY OF THE ONE-NIGHT STANDS ♪ ♪ AND SLEEPING NEXT TO PITY, AND IT'S CRAZY ♪ 1764 00:59:56,560 --> 00:59:59,573 ♪ AND SLEEPING NEXT TO PITY, AND IT'S CRAZY ♪ ♪ THE CLOSER I GET, WELL, THE 1765 00:59:59,597 --> 01:00:07,113 AND IT'S CRAZY ♪ ♪ THE CLOSER I GET, WELL, THE MORE SHE WANTS TO TAKE ME ♪ 1766 01:00:07,137 --> 01:00:10,817 ♪ THE CLOSER I GET, WELL, THE MORE SHE WANTS TO TAKE ME ♪ ♪ AND WHEN YOU'RE LIVING IN THE 1767 01:00:10,841 --> 01:00:14,520 MORE SHE WANTS TO TAKE ME ♪ ♪ AND WHEN YOU'RE LIVING IN THE CITY OF THE ONE-NIGHT STANDS ♪ 1768 01:00:14,544 --> 01:00:17,256 ♪ AND WHEN YOU'RE LIVING IN THE CITY OF THE ONE-NIGHT STANDS ♪ ♪ FACES THAT NEVER LOOK TOO 1769 01:00:17,280 --> 01:00:21,628 CITY OF THE ONE-NIGHT STANDS ♪ ♪ FACES THAT NEVER LOOK TOO PRETTY IN THE DAYLIGHT ♪ 1770 01:00:21,652 --> 01:00:24,998 ♪ FACES THAT NEVER LOOK TOO PRETTY IN THE DAYLIGHT ♪ ♪ BEGIN TO LOOK FINE WHEN THE 1771 01:00:25,022 --> 01:00:33,022 PRETTY IN THE DAYLIGHT ♪ ♪ BEGIN TO LOOK FINE WHEN THE NIGHTTIME GETS YOU BLIND ♪ 1772 01:00:35,265 --> 01:00:38,411 ♪ BEGIN TO LOOK FINE WHEN THE NIGHTTIME GETS YOU BLIND ♪ ♪ LIVING IN THE CITY OF THE 1773 01:00:38,435 --> 01:00:41,514 NIGHTTIME GETS YOU BLIND ♪ ♪ LIVING IN THE CITY OF THE ONE-NIGHT STANDS ♪ 1774 01:00:41,538 --> 01:00:44,550 ♪ LIVING IN THE CITY OF THE ONE-NIGHT STANDS ♪ ♪ LIVIN' IN THE CITY OF THE 1775 01:00:44,574 --> 01:00:52,574 ONE-NIGHT STANDS ♪ ♪ LIVIN' IN THE CITY OF THE ONE-NIGHT STANDS ♪ 1776 01:00:53,083 --> 01:00:55,895 ♪ LIVIN' IN THE CITY OF THE ONE-NIGHT STANDS ♪ ♪ MORNING COMES EARLY IN A 1777 01:00:55,919 --> 01:00:58,598 ONE-NIGHT STANDS ♪ ♪ MORNING COMES EARLY IN A STRANGER'S BED ♪ 1778 01:00:58,622 --> 01:01:01,668 ♪ MORNING COMES EARLY IN A STRANGER'S BED ♪ ♪ IT'S NEVER QUITE AS EASY WHEN 1779 01:01:01,692 --> 01:01:05,438 STRANGER'S BED ♪ ♪ IT'S NEVER QUITE AS EASY WHEN YOU'RE ASTRAY ♪ 1780 01:01:05,462 --> 01:01:07,741 ♪ IT'S NEVER QUITE AS EASY WHEN YOU'RE ASTRAY ♪ ♪ I'D LIKE TO HAVE A DIME FOR 1781 01:01:07,765 --> 01:01:11,177 YOU'RE ASTRAY ♪ ♪ I'D LIKE TO HAVE A DIME FOR ALL THE PROMISES ♪ 1782 01:01:11,201 --> 01:01:13,980 ♪ I'D LIKE TO HAVE A DIME FOR ALL THE PROMISES ♪ ♪ THAT STONY LOVERS MAKE WHEN IT 1783 01:01:14,004 --> 01:01:15,015 ALL THE PROMISES ♪ ♪ THAT STONY LOVERS MAKE WHEN IT GETS LATE ♪ 1784 01:01:15,039 --> 01:01:16,482 ♪ THAT STONY LOVERS MAKE WHEN IT GETS LATE ♪ ♪ SURE, IT HURTS ♪ 1785 01:01:16,506 --> 01:01:20,153 GETS LATE ♪ ♪ SURE, IT HURTS ♪ ♪ STILL, IT FEELS PRETTY GOOD TO 1786 01:01:20,177 --> 01:01:23,723 ♪ SURE, IT HURTS ♪ ♪ STILL, IT FEELS PRETTY GOOD TO BE LIVIN' IN THE CITY OF THE 1787 01:01:23,747 --> 01:01:26,726 ♪ STILL, IT FEELS PRETTY GOOD TO BE LIVIN' IN THE CITY OF THE ONE-NIGHT STANDS ♪ 1788 01:01:26,750 --> 01:01:28,461 BE LIVIN' IN THE CITY OF THE ONE-NIGHT STANDS ♪ ♪ WHERE THE NIGHTTIME MAKES IT 1789 01:01:28,485 --> 01:01:32,098 ONE-NIGHT STANDS ♪ ♪ WHERE THE NIGHTTIME MAKES IT EASY TO FEEL CRAZY ♪ 1790 01:01:32,122 --> 01:01:35,135 ♪ WHERE THE NIGHTTIME MAKES IT EASY TO FEEL CRAZY ♪ ♪ AND YOU WANT TO GET SAVED, 1791 01:01:35,159 --> 01:01:37,937 EASY TO FEEL CRAZY ♪ ♪ AND YOU WANT TO GET SAVED, BUT THERE'S NOTHING THERE WORTH 1792 01:01:37,961 --> 01:01:42,909 ♪ AND YOU WANT TO GET SAVED, BUT THERE'S NOTHING THERE WORTH SAVING ♪ 1793 01:01:42,933 --> 01:01:46,746 BUT THERE'S NOTHING THERE WORTH SAVING ♪ ♪ WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN THE CITY 1794 01:01:46,770 --> 01:01:50,316 SAVING ♪ ♪ WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN THE CITY OF THE ONE-NIGHT STANDS ♪ 1795 01:01:50,340 --> 01:01:52,618 ♪ WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN THE CITY OF THE ONE-NIGHT STANDS ♪ ♪ THOUGH YOU NEVER SEE THE 1796 01:01:52,642 --> 01:01:56,723 OF THE ONE-NIGHT STANDS ♪ ♪ THOUGH YOU NEVER SEE THE BEAUTY IN THE DAYLIGHT ♪ 1797 01:01:56,747 --> 01:02:00,560 ♪ THOUGH YOU NEVER SEE THE BEAUTY IN THE DAYLIGHT ♪ ♪ WHEN DAY BECOMES NIGHT, IT 1798 01:02:00,584 --> 01:02:08,584 BEAUTY IN THE DAYLIGHT ♪ ♪ WHEN DAY BECOMES NIGHT, IT BEGINS TO FEEL ALL RIGHT ♪ 1799 01:02:12,262 --> 01:02:16,442 ♪ WHEN DAY BECOMES NIGHT, IT BEGINS TO FEEL ALL RIGHT ♪ ♪ LIVIN' IN THE CITY OF THE 1800 01:02:16,466 --> 01:02:20,780 BEGINS TO FEEL ALL RIGHT ♪ ♪ LIVIN' IN THE CITY OF THE ONE-NIGHT STANDS ♪ 1801 01:02:20,804 --> 01:02:24,317 ♪ LIVIN' IN THE CITY OF THE ONE-NIGHT STANDS ♪ ♪ LIVIN' IN THE CITY OF THE 1802 01:02:24,341 --> 01:02:27,743 ONE-NIGHT STANDS ♪ ♪ LIVIN' IN THE CITY OF THE ONE-NIGHT STANDS ♪ 1803 01:02:49,465 --> 01:02:50,999 [APPLAUSE] 1804 01:02:59,341 --> 01:03:07,341 THIS WEEK'S HOME MOVIE IS SUBMITTED BY MY FRIEND ROBERT ALTMAN. 1805 01:03:09,119 --> 01:03:11,097 SUBMITTED BY MY FRIEND ROBERT ALTMAN. OKAY, HERE SHE GOES. 1806 01:03:11,121 --> 01:03:16,669 ROBERT ALTMAN. OKAY, HERE SHE GOES. ACTION. 1807 01:03:16,693 --> 01:03:18,071 OKAY, HERE SHE GOES. ACTION. HI. 1808 01:03:18,095 --> 01:03:20,673 ACTION. HI. I'M ANNE GOOD. 1809 01:03:20,697 --> 01:03:22,842 HI. I'M ANNE GOOD. WHAT'S YOUR NAME? 1810 01:03:22,866 --> 01:03:24,043 I'M ANNE GOOD. WHAT'S YOUR NAME? LINDA. 1811 01:03:24,067 --> 01:03:25,711 WHAT'S YOUR NAME? LINDA. WHAT'D YOU SAY YOUR NAME WAS? 1812 01:03:25,735 --> 01:03:26,412 LINDA. WHAT'D YOU SAY YOUR NAME WAS? VICKI? 1813 01:03:26,436 --> 01:03:28,481 WHAT'D YOU SAY YOUR NAME WAS? VICKI? YEAH, THAT'S MY NICKNAME. 1814 01:03:28,505 --> 01:03:30,250 VICKI? YEAH, THAT'S MY NICKNAME. MY REAL NAME'S MILDRED. 1815 01:03:30,274 --> 01:03:33,086 YEAH, THAT'S MY NICKNAME. MY REAL NAME'S MILDRED. I HATE IT. 1816 01:03:33,110 --> 01:03:38,557 MY REAL NAME'S MILDRED. I HATE IT. MINE'S REALLY... VIRGINIA. 1817 01:03:38,581 --> 01:03:41,895 I HATE IT. MINE'S REALLY... VIRGINIA. YOUR REAL NAME'S VIRGINIA? 1818 01:03:41,919 --> 01:03:43,529 MINE'S REALLY... VIRGINIA. YOUR REAL NAME'S VIRGINIA? LINDA, HUH? 1819 01:03:43,553 --> 01:03:44,563 YOUR REAL NAME'S VIRGINIA? LINDA, HUH? YEAH. 1820 01:03:44,587 --> 01:03:46,900 LINDA, HUH? YEAH. CAN I USE YOUR PHONE SOMETIME? 1821 01:03:46,924 --> 01:03:49,302 YEAH. CAN I USE YOUR PHONE SOMETIME? YOU CAN USE MY PHONE ALL THE 1822 01:03:49,326 --> 01:03:50,303 CAN I USE YOUR PHONE SOMETIME? YOU CAN USE MY PHONE ALL THE TIME. 1823 01:03:50,327 --> 01:03:53,606 YOU CAN USE MY PHONE ALL THE TIME. [TELEPHONE RINGS] 1824 01:03:53,630 --> 01:03:56,276 TIME. [TELEPHONE RINGS] HELLO? 1825 01:03:56,300 --> 01:03:57,844 [TELEPHONE RINGS] HELLO? HELLO. 1826 01:03:57,868 --> 01:03:59,445 HELLO? HELLO. [BLOWS] 1827 01:03:59,469 --> 01:04:01,547 HELLO. [BLOWS] NOW, WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR? 1828 01:04:01,571 --> 01:04:09,571 [BLOWS] NOW, WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR? I SAW SOMEBODY DO IT ONCE. 1829 01:04:13,516 --> 01:04:14,694 NOW, WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR? I SAW SOMEBODY DO IT ONCE. Are you okay? 1830 01:04:14,718 --> 01:04:18,597 I SAW SOMEBODY DO IT ONCE. Are you okay? WHO'S THIS? 1831 01:04:18,621 --> 01:04:20,555 Are you okay? WHO'S THIS? WHO'S THIS? 1832 01:04:35,104 --> 01:04:41,654 AND THIS IS THE BEDROOM. I KNEW IT'D LOOK LIKE THIS. AND THIS IS MY CLOSET, AND 1833 01:04:41,678 --> 01:04:43,556 I KNEW IT'D LOOK LIKE THIS. AND THIS IS MY CLOSET, AND THAT'S YOUR CLOSET. 1834 01:04:43,580 --> 01:04:45,491 AND THIS IS MY CLOSET, AND THAT'S YOUR CLOSET. OH, IT'S BIG. 1835 01:04:45,515 --> 01:04:46,792 THAT'S YOUR CLOSET. OH, IT'S BIG. CAROL, DO YOU MIND IF I SHARE 1836 01:04:46,816 --> 01:04:48,594 OH, IT'S BIG. CAROL, DO YOU MIND IF I SHARE YOUR CLOSET? 1837 01:04:48,618 --> 01:04:51,386 CAROL, DO YOU MIND IF I SHARE YOUR CLOSET? MY ROOM DOESN'T HAVE ONE. 1838 01:05:13,976 --> 01:05:21,976 ♪ SHININ' OVER THE SEA ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE EVERY TIME I CATCH YOU LOOKIN' OVER... ♪ 1839 01:05:23,120 --> 01:05:31,120 ♪ 'CAUSE EVERY TIME I CATCH YOU LOOKIN' OVER... ♪ [APPLAUSE] 1840 01:05:31,528 --> 01:05:33,973 LOOKIN' OVER... ♪ [APPLAUSE] I WANT TO THANK EVERYBODY FOR 1841 01:05:33,997 --> 01:05:36,242 [APPLAUSE] I WANT TO THANK EVERYBODY FOR COMING TONIGHT, AND I WANT TO 1842 01:05:36,266 --> 01:05:38,444 I WANT TO THANK EVERYBODY FOR COMING TONIGHT, AND I WANT TO TELL YOU I HAD A GREAT TIME. 1843 01:05:38,468 --> 01:05:42,782 COMING TONIGHT, AND I WANT TO TELL YOU I HAD A GREAT TIME. AND Y'ALL COME BACK, YOU HEAR? 1844 01:05:42,806 --> 01:05:45,606 TELL YOU I HAD A GREAT TIME. AND Y'ALL COME BACK, YOU HEAR? [BAND PLAYS] 1845 01:05:59,255 --> 01:06:00,721 Announcer: NEXT SATURDAY 1846 01:06:00,856 --> 01:06:02,123 NIGHT, OUR HOST WILL BE 1847 01:06:02,258 --> 01:06:03,524 BRODERICK CRAWFORD WITH 1848 01:06:03,659 --> 01:06:05,760 MUSICAL GUEST THE METERS, 1849 01:06:05,894 --> 01:06:07,996 LEVON HELM, AND DR. JOHN. 1850 01:06:08,130 --> 01:06:09,564 PEOPLE MISTAKE ME FOR 1851 01:06:09,698 --> 01:06:11,566 BRODERICK CRAWFORD, OR IS IT 1852 01:06:11,700 --> 01:06:12,700 JOAN CRAWFORD? 1853 01:06:12,835 --> 01:06:13,601 WHO CARES? 1854 01:06:13,735 --> 01:06:15,570 AT LEAST I LOOK LIKE A STAR! 1855 01:06:15,704 --> 01:06:18,039 THIS IS DON PARDO SAYING GOOD 1856 01:06:18,174 --> 01:06:19,640 NIGHT. 206433