Original subtitles

I CAN'T PLAY THE GAME FOR YOU. I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO TELL

YOU. I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO TELL YOU.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO TELL YOU. I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.

YOU. I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO. THIS IS THE BIG ONE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO. THIS IS THE BIG ONE. OUR LAST TWO GAMES, WE WERE OFF

THIS IS THE BIG ONE. OUR LAST TWO GAMES, WE WERE OFF OUR GAME, OKAY?

OUR LAST TWO GAMES, WE WERE OFF OUR GAME, OKAY? WE BLEW SOME SURE LAUGHS.

OUR GAME, OKAY? WE BLEW SOME SURE LAUGHS. WE WERE SLOPPY.

WE BLEW SOME SURE LAUGHS. WE WERE SLOPPY. WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY GUTS.

WE WERE SLOPPY. WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY GUTS. LET'S FACE IT... WE DIDN'T WANT

WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY GUTS. LET'S FACE IT... WE DIDN'T WANT IT BAD ENOUGH.

LET'S FACE IT... WE DIDN'T WANT IT BAD ENOUGH. OKAY, NOW, WE'RE LOSING SOME

IT BAD ENOUGH. OKAY, NOW, WE'RE LOSING SOME STRENGTH.

OKAY, NOW, WE'RE LOSING SOME STRENGTH. BELUSHI'S GONNA BE OUT THIS

STRENGTH. BELUSHI'S GONNA BE OUT THIS WEEK.

BELUSHI'S GONNA BE OUT THIS WEEK. BUT I'LL BE ON THE SIDELINES

WEEK. BUT I'LL BE ON THE SIDELINES SENDING IN THOSE JOKES WHEN IT'S

BUT I'LL BE ON THE SIDELINES SENDING IN THOSE JOKES WHEN IT'S NECESSARY.

SENDING IN THOSE JOKES WHEN IT'S NECESSARY. AND WHEN YOU GET OUT IN FRONT OF

NECESSARY. AND WHEN YOU GET OUT IN FRONT OF THOSE CAMERAS, I WANT YOU TO ACT

AND WHEN YOU GET OUT IN FRONT OF THOSE CAMERAS, I WANT YOU TO ACT WHAT YOU FEEL, ACT WHAT YOU

THOSE CAMERAS, I WANT YOU TO ACT WHAT YOU FEEL, ACT WHAT YOU KNOW.

WHAT YOU FEEL, ACT WHAT YOU KNOW. AND REMEMBER, WHAT'S THE MOST

KNOW. AND REMEMBER, WHAT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING?

AND REMEMBER, WHAT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING? All: BE FUNNY!

IMPORTANT THING? All: BE FUNNY! FUNNY! FUNNY! FUNNY!

All: BE FUNNY! FUNNY! FUNNY! FUNNY! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

FUNNY! FUNNY! FUNNY! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! OKAY, NOW, TARK, YOU'RE GONNA

HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! OKAY, NOW, TARK, YOU'RE GONNA BE OUT THERE FIRST.

OKAY, NOW, TARK, YOU'RE GONNA BE OUT THERE FIRST. YOU GOT ANY QUESTIONS?

BE OUT THERE FIRST. YOU GOT ANY QUESTIONS? YEAH, IF I TELL A JOKE AND IT

YOU GOT ANY QUESTIONS? YEAH, IF I TELL A JOKE AND IT DOESN'T GET AN IMMEDIATE

YEAH, IF I TELL A JOKE AND IT DOESN'T GET AN IMMEDIATE RESPONSE, DO I WAIT FOR A LAUGH?

DOESN'T GET AN IMMEDIATE RESPONSE, DO I WAIT FOR A LAUGH? NO. NO! NO!

RESPONSE, DO I WAIT FOR A LAUGH? NO. NO! NO! BILL.

NO. NO! NO! BILL. WHEN A JOKE DOESN'T GET A

BILL. WHEN A JOKE DOESN'T GET A LAUGH, THE TELLER OF THE JOKE

WHEN A JOKE DOESN'T GET A LAUGH, THE TELLER OF THE JOKE SHOULD MAKE A FACE.

LAUGH, THE TELLER OF THE JOKE SHOULD MAKE A FACE. WHAT KIND OF FACE?

SHOULD MAKE A FACE. WHAT KIND OF FACE? A FUNNY FACE.

WHAT KIND OF FACE? A FUNNY FACE. ALL RIGHT.

A FUNNY FACE. ALL RIGHT. FUNNY.

ALL RIGHT. FUNNY. FUNNY! FUNNY! FUNNY!

FUNNY. FUNNY! FUNNY! FUNNY! HA! HA! HA! HA!

FUNNY! FUNNY! FUNNY! HA! HA! HA! HA! ALL RIGHT, ANY MORE

HA! HA! HA! HA! ALL RIGHT, ANY MORE QUESTIONS?

ALL RIGHT, ANY MORE QUESTIONS? TARK?

QUESTIONS? TARK? YEAH, COACH, IF I BLOW A LINE

TARK? YEAH, COACH, IF I BLOW A LINE OR A WORD, WHAT DO I DO, IGNORE

YEAH, COACH, IF I BLOW A LINE OR A WORD, WHAT DO I DO, IGNORE IT?

OR A WORD, WHAT DO I DO, IGNORE IT? NO, NO, NO!

IT? NO, NO, NO! GILDA.

NO, NO, NO! GILDA. WHEN YOU BLOW A LINE OR A

GILDA. WHEN YOU BLOW A LINE OR A WORD, THE BLOWER OF THE LINE OR

WHEN YOU BLOW A LINE OR A WORD, THE BLOWER OF THE LINE OR THE WORD SHOULD ACKNOWLEDGE IT

WORD, THE BLOWER OF THE LINE OR THE WORD SHOULD ACKNOWLEDGE IT AND HAVE FUN WITH IT.

THE WORD SHOULD ACKNOWLEDGE IT AND HAVE FUN WITH IT. GOOD.

AND HAVE FUN WITH IT. GOOD. JANE, WHY DO WE HAVE FUN WITH

GOOD. JANE, WHY DO WE HAVE FUN WITH IT?

JANE, WHY DO WE HAVE FUN WITH IT? BECAUSE IF WE DON'T HAVE FUN

IT? BECAUSE IF WE DON'T HAVE FUN WITH IT, THE AUDIENCE WON'T HAVE

BECAUSE IF WE DON'T HAVE FUN WITH IT, THE AUDIENCE WON'T HAVE FUN WITH IT!

WITH IT, THE AUDIENCE WON'T HAVE FUN WITH IT! HA! HA! HA! HA!

FUN WITH IT! HA! HA! HA! HA! ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, GOOD.

HA! HA! HA! HA! ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, GOOD. ARE THERE ANY OTHER QUESTIONS?

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, GOOD. ARE THERE ANY OTHER QUESTIONS? YEAH.

ARE THERE ANY OTHER QUESTIONS? YEAH. TARK.

YEAH. TARK. I FORGOT THE FIRST JOKE IN MY

TARK. I FORGOT THE FIRST JOKE IN MY MONOLOGUE.

I FORGOT THE FIRST JOKE IN MY MONOLOGUE. WHAT?

MONOLOGUE. WHAT? ARE YOU CLUTCHING?

WHAT? ARE YOU CLUTCHING? IS THAT IT?

ARE YOU CLUTCHING? IS THAT IT? YOU'RE TELLING ME IT'S TRUE WHAT

IS THAT IT? YOU'RE TELLING ME IT'S TRUE WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT YOU... THAT

YOU'RE TELLING ME IT'S TRUE WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT YOU... THAT FRAN TARKENTON CAN'T WIN THE BIG

THEY SAY ABOUT YOU... THAT FRAN TARKENTON CAN'T WIN THE BIG ONE?

FRAN TARKENTON CAN'T WIN THE BIG ONE? OH, BOY.

ONE? OH, BOY. THAT YOU'RE A LOSER?

OH, BOY. THAT YOU'RE A LOSER? FRAN, LET ME TELL YOU A LITTLE

THAT YOU'RE A LOSER? FRAN, LET ME TELL YOU A LITTLE STORY... A STORY ABOUT A KID WHO

FRAN, LET ME TELL YOU A LITTLE STORY... A STORY ABOUT A KID WHO PLAYED FOOTBALL IN HIGH SCHOOL.

STORY... A STORY ABOUT A KID WHO PLAYED FOOTBALL IN HIGH SCHOOL. HIS GRADES WERE PRETTY BAD.

PLAYED FOOTBALL IN HIGH SCHOOL. HIS GRADES WERE PRETTY BAD. BUT HE PLAYED FOOTBALL.

HIS GRADES WERE PRETTY BAD. BUT HE PLAYED FOOTBALL. HE PLAYED FOUR YEARS, AND HIS

BUT HE PLAYED FOOTBALL. HE PLAYED FOUR YEARS, AND HIS GRADES GOT UP.

HE PLAYED FOUR YEARS, AND HIS GRADES GOT UP. HE WENT TO THE

GRADES GOT UP. HE WENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS...

HE WENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS... FOOTBALL SCHOLARSHIP.

UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS... FOOTBALL SCHOLARSHIP. GOT GOOD GRADES THERE.

FOOTBALL SCHOLARSHIP. GOT GOOD GRADES THERE. PLAYED FOOTBALL THERE, THEN HE

GOT GOOD GRADES THERE. PLAYED FOOTBALL THERE, THEN HE WENT ON TO HARVARD LAW SCHOOL,

PLAYED FOOTBALL THERE, THEN HE WENT ON TO HARVARD LAW SCHOOL, GRADUATED, AND WENT TO CHICAGO

WENT ON TO HARVARD LAW SCHOOL, GRADUATED, AND WENT TO CHICAGO TO BECOME A SUCCESSFUL BANKER.

GRADUATED, AND WENT TO CHICAGO TO BECOME A SUCCESSFUL BANKER. THAT BOY'S NAME WAS BOB BUCKLEY.

TO BECOME A SUCCESSFUL BANKER. THAT BOY'S NAME WAS BOB BUCKLEY. WHO'S BOB BUCKLEY, COACH?

THAT BOY'S NAME WAS BOB BUCKLEY. WHO'S BOB BUCKLEY, COACH? A GUY I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL

WHO'S BOB BUCKLEY, COACH? A GUY I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH.

A GUY I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH. HEY, COME ON.

WITH. HEY, COME ON. ALL RIGHT, OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

HEY, COME ON. ALL RIGHT, OKAY. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT!

ALL RIGHT, OKAY. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT! NOW, LOOK, I CAN'T HOST THE SHOW

ALL RIGHT! NOW, LOOK, I CAN'T HOST THE SHOW FOR YOU.

NOW, LOOK, I CAN'T HOST THE SHOW FOR YOU. YOU'RE GONNA BE OUT THERE

FOR YOU. YOU'RE GONNA BE OUT THERE HOSTING THAT SHOW FOR YOURSELF.

YOU'RE GONNA BE OUT THERE HOSTING THAT SHOW FOR YOURSELF. YOU LOSE YOUR HEAD OUT THERE IN

HOSTING THAT SHOW FOR YOURSELF. YOU LOSE YOUR HEAD OUT THERE IN FRONT OF THOSE CAMERAS, YOU ARE

YOU LOSE YOUR HEAD OUT THERE IN FRONT OF THOSE CAMERAS, YOU ARE GONNA MAKE A FOOL OUT OF

FRONT OF THOSE CAMERAS, YOU ARE GONNA MAKE A FOOL OUT OF YOURSELF.

GONNA MAKE A FOOL OUT OF YOURSELF. ALL RIGHT?

YOURSELF. ALL RIGHT? OKAY, NOW, LOOK...

ALL RIGHT? OKAY, NOW, LOOK... WHAT DO YOU DO HERE?

OKAY, NOW, LOOK... WHAT DO YOU DO HERE? I DO MY MONOLOGUE.

WHAT DO YOU DO HERE? I DO MY MONOLOGUE. DO YOUR MONOLOGUE. GOOD.

I DO MY MONOLOGUE. DO YOUR MONOLOGUE. GOOD. WHAT DO YOU DO HERE?

DO YOUR MONOLOGUE. GOOD. WHAT DO YOU DO HERE? I ACT.

WHAT DO YOU DO HERE? I ACT. RIGHT. GOOD.

I ACT. RIGHT. GOOD. WHAT DO YOU DO HERE?

RIGHT. GOOD. WHAT DO YOU DO HERE? I INTRODUCE LEO SAYER AND

WHAT DO YOU DO HERE? I INTRODUCE LEO SAYER AND DONNIE HARPER AND HIS SINGERS.

I INTRODUCE LEO SAYER AND DONNIE HARPER AND HIS SINGERS. GOOD.

DONNIE HARPER AND HIS SINGERS. GOOD. NOW, LOOK, TARK, JUST MAINTAIN

GOOD. NOW, LOOK, TARK, JUST MAINTAIN YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR.

NOW, LOOK, TARK, JUST MAINTAIN YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR. JUST GET A LAUGH.

YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR. JUST GET A LAUGH. HAVE SOME FUN WITH IT.

JUST GET A LAUGH. HAVE SOME FUN WITH IT. STAY LOOSE.

HAVE SOME FUN WITH IT. STAY LOOSE. STAY IN CONDITION.

STAY LOOSE. STAY IN CONDITION. THAT WAS WHAT WAS WRONG WITH

STAY IN CONDITION. THAT WAS WHAT WAS WRONG WITH TONY ORLANDO AND DAWN.

THAT WAS WHAT WAS WRONG WITH TONY ORLANDO AND DAWN. THEY DIDN'T STAY IN CONDITION!

TONY ORLANDO AND DAWN. THEY DIDN'T STAY IN CONDITION! OKAY?

THEY DIDN'T STAY IN CONDITION! OKAY? FUNNY!

OKAY? FUNNY! All: HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

FUNNY! All: HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

All: HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! EVERYBODY, LET'S HAVE SOME

HA! EVERYBODY, LET'S HAVE SOME EXERCISES.

EVERYBODY, LET'S HAVE SOME EXERCISES. COMEDY CALS.

EXERCISES. COMEDY CALS. OKAY, TAKE TO THE RIGHT.

COMEDY CALS. OKAY, TAKE TO THE RIGHT. TAKE TO THE LEFT.

OKAY, TAKE TO THE RIGHT. TAKE TO THE LEFT. DOUBLE TAKE RIGHT.

TAKE TO THE LEFT. DOUBLE TAKE RIGHT. DOUBLE TAKE LEFT.

DOUBLE TAKE RIGHT. DOUBLE TAKE LEFT. OKAY, RIGHT EYEBROW UP.

DOUBLE TAKE LEFT. OKAY, RIGHT EYEBROW UP. LEFT EYEBROW UP.

OKAY, RIGHT EYEBROW UP. LEFT EYEBROW UP. BOTH EYEBROWS UP.

LEFT EYEBROW UP. BOTH EYEBROWS UP. OKAY, NOW MUG.

BOTH EYEBROWS UP. OKAY, NOW MUG. FUNNY FACES. MUG.

OKAY, NOW MUG. FUNNY FACES. MUG. CROSS YOUR EYES.

FUNNY FACES. MUG. CROSS YOUR EYES. COME ON. MUG.

CROSS YOUR EYES. COME ON. MUG. AKROYD!

COME ON. MUG. AKROYD! OKAY, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.

AKROYD! OKAY, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD. OKAY, WE'RE GOOD AND LOOSE.

OKAY, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD. OKAY, WE'RE GOOD AND LOOSE. OKAY, LET'S GET TOGETHER FOR A

OKAY, WE'RE GOOD AND LOOSE. OKAY, LET'S GET TOGETHER FOR A TEAM PRAYER.

OKAY, LET'S GET TOGETHER FOR A TEAM PRAYER. GET DOWN ON ONE KNEE.

TEAM PRAYER. GET DOWN ON ONE KNEE. DEAR LORD, PLEASE GIVE US THE

GET DOWN ON ONE KNEE. DEAR LORD, PLEASE GIVE US THE ZANINESS AND COURAGE THESE MEN

DEAR LORD, PLEASE GIVE US THE ZANINESS AND COURAGE THESE MEN NEED TO MAKE AMERICA LAUGH

ZANINESS AND COURAGE THESE MEN NEED TO MAKE AMERICA LAUGH BECAUSE AMERICA IS THE FUNNIEST

NEED TO MAKE AMERICA LAUGH BECAUSE AMERICA IS THE FUNNIEST NATION IN THE WORLD.

BECAUSE AMERICA IS THE FUNNIEST NATION IN THE WORLD. HELP THEM REMEMBER WHAT THEIR

NATION IN THE WORLD. HELP THEM REMEMBER WHAT THEIR COACHES TOLD THEM SO THAT EVERY

HELP THEM REMEMBER WHAT THEIR COACHES TOLD THEM SO THAT EVERY MAN HERE WILL HAVE LEARNED

COACHES TOLD THEM SO THAT EVERY MAN HERE WILL HAVE LEARNED SOMETHING ABOUT HIMSELF.

MAN HERE WILL HAVE LEARNED SOMETHING ABOUT HIMSELF. AND PLEASE, LORD, HELP GUIDE

SOMETHING ABOUT HIMSELF. AND PLEASE, LORD, HELP GUIDE FRAN TARKENTON SO THAT HE WILL

AND PLEASE, LORD, HELP GUIDE FRAN TARKENTON SO THAT HE WILL NOT HUMILIATE HIMSELF LIKE HE

FRAN TARKENTON SO THAT HE WILL NOT HUMILIATE HIMSELF LIKE HE DID IN THE SUPER BOWL.

NOT HUMILIATE HIMSELF LIKE HE DID IN THE SUPER BOWL. All: AMEN!

DID IN THE SUPER BOWL. All: AMEN! [CHANTING "HA! HA! HA! HA!"]

All: AMEN! [CHANTING "HA! HA! HA! HA!"] [CHANTING CONTINUES]

[CHANTING "HA! HA! HA! HA!"] [CHANTING CONTINUES] LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S

[CHANTING CONTINUES] LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"!

Announcer: NBC's "SATURDAY NIGHT." STARRING...

WITH SPECIAL GUEST...

AND...

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FRAN TARKENTON! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. NOW, I'M NOT GOING TO PREDICT

THANK YOU VERY MUCH. NOW, I'M NOT GOING TO PREDICT HOW THIS SHOW WILL TURN OUT.

NOW, I'M NOT GOING TO PREDICT HOW THIS SHOW WILL TURN OUT. YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER HOSTED A TV

HOW THIS SHOW WILL TURN OUT. YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER HOSTED A TV SHOW BEFORE, AND I REALLY DON'T

YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER HOSTED A TV SHOW BEFORE, AND I REALLY DON'T HAVE THE BEST TRACK RECORD AS

SHOW BEFORE, AND I REALLY DON'T HAVE THE BEST TRACK RECORD AS FAR AS PREDICTIONS GO.

HAVE THE BEST TRACK RECORD AS FAR AS PREDICTIONS GO. BEFORE THE SUPER BOWL, I KIND OF

FAR AS PREDICTIONS GO. BEFORE THE SUPER BOWL, I KIND OF MADE A FOOL OF MYSELF.

BEFORE THE SUPER BOWL, I KIND OF MADE A FOOL OF MYSELF. I GOT ON NATIONAL TELEVISION AND

MADE A FOOL OF MYSELF. I GOT ON NATIONAL TELEVISION AND TOLD THE WHOLE WORLD THE VIKINGS

I GOT ON NATIONAL TELEVISION AND TOLD THE WHOLE WORLD THE VIKINGS WOULD DEFINITELY WIN THE GAME.

TOLD THE WHOLE WORLD THE VIKINGS WOULD DEFINITELY WIN THE GAME. AND, AS YOU PROBABLY KNOW, WE

WOULD DEFINITELY WIN THE GAME. AND, AS YOU PROBABLY KNOW, WE WERE NARROWLY DEFEATED...

AND, AS YOU PROBABLY KNOW, WE WERE NARROWLY DEFEATED... [LAUGHTER]

WERE NARROWLY DEFEATED... [LAUGHTER] BY A VERY, VERY LUCKY OAKLAND

[LAUGHTER] BY A VERY, VERY LUCKY OAKLAND TEAM.

BY A VERY, VERY LUCKY OAKLAND TEAM. BUT BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER,

TEAM. BUT BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER, I'D LIKE TO SAY SOMETHING ABOUT

BUT BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER, I'D LIKE TO SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THE KIND OF PEOPLE THAT ARE HERE

I'D LIKE TO SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THE KIND OF PEOPLE THAT ARE HERE ON "SATURDAY NIGHT."

THE KIND OF PEOPLE THAT ARE HERE ON "SATURDAY NIGHT." THEY ASKED ME TO DO THIS SHOW A

ON "SATURDAY NIGHT." THEY ASKED ME TO DO THIS SHOW A WEEK BEFORE THE SUPER BOWL.

THEY ASKED ME TO DO THIS SHOW A WEEK BEFORE THE SUPER BOWL. AND I THOUGHT IF WE LOST THE

WEEK BEFORE THE SUPER BOWL. AND I THOUGHT IF WE LOST THE GAME, "SATURDAY NIGHT" WOULD BE

AND I THOUGHT IF WE LOST THE GAME, "SATURDAY NIGHT" WOULD BE WELL WITHIN THEIR RIGHTS TO CALL

GAME, "SATURDAY NIGHT" WOULD BE WELL WITHIN THEIR RIGHTS TO CALL ME THE NEXT DAY AND CANCEL.

WELL WITHIN THEIR RIGHTS TO CALL ME THE NEXT DAY AND CANCEL. WELL, I WAS WRONG.

ME THE NEXT DAY AND CANCEL. WELL, I WAS WRONG. THEY CALLED ME AT HALFTIME.

WELL, I WAS WRONG. THEY CALLED ME AT HALFTIME. [LAUGHTER]

THEY CALLED ME AT HALFTIME. [LAUGHTER] NOW, I WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW,

[LAUGHTER] NOW, I WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW, ESPECIALLY YOU VIKING FANS

NOW, I WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW, ESPECIALLY YOU VIKING FANS OUT THERE, THAT THE VIKINGS

ESPECIALLY YOU VIKING FANS OUT THERE, THAT THE VIKINGS AREN'T DEAD YET.

OUT THERE, THAT THE VIKINGS AREN'T DEAD YET. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AREN'T DEAD YET. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] WE'RE A TEAM BUILT ON PRIDE AND

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] WE'RE A TEAM BUILT ON PRIDE AND DISCIPLINE.

WE'RE A TEAM BUILT ON PRIDE AND DISCIPLINE. AND NEXT JULY, WE'RE GOING BACK

DISCIPLINE. AND NEXT JULY, WE'RE GOING BACK TO MANKATO, MINNESOTA.

AND NEXT JULY, WE'RE GOING BACK TO MANKATO, MINNESOTA. WE'RE GONNA WORK HARDER THAN

TO MANKATO, MINNESOTA. WE'RE GONNA WORK HARDER THAN EVER.

WE'RE GONNA WORK HARDER THAN EVER. WE'RE GONNA PUT ON THOSE BONNETS

EVER. WE'RE GONNA PUT ON THOSE BONNETS AND THOSE PURPLE JERSEYS AND

WE'RE GONNA PUT ON THOSE BONNETS AND THOSE PURPLE JERSEYS AND STRAP THOSE SHOULDER PADS ON.

AND THOSE PURPLE JERSEYS AND STRAP THOSE SHOULDER PADS ON. AND I GUARANTEE YOU THAT WE'LL

STRAP THOSE SHOULDER PADS ON. AND I GUARANTEE YOU THAT WE'LL BE IN THE SUPER BOWL NEXT

AND I GUARANTEE YOU THAT WE'LL BE IN THE SUPER BOWL NEXT SEASON.

BE IN THE SUPER BOWL NEXT SEASON. AND I PREDICT WE'LL LOSE AGAIN.

SEASON. AND I PREDICT WE'LL LOSE AGAIN. [APPLAUSE]

AND I PREDICT WE'LL LOSE AGAIN. [APPLAUSE] YOU KNOW, IN THE NFL, MOST

[APPLAUSE] YOU KNOW, IN THE NFL, MOST PLAYS ARE SENT IN TO THE

YOU KNOW, IN THE NFL, MOST PLAYS ARE SENT IN TO THE QUARTERBACK FROM THE SIDELINES,

PLAYS ARE SENT IN TO THE QUARTERBACK FROM THE SIDELINES, BUT I'M A LITTLE DIFFERENT.

QUARTERBACK FROM THE SIDELINES, BUT I'M A LITTLE DIFFERENT. I CALL MY OWN PLAYS, AND I'M

BUT I'M A LITTLE DIFFERENT. I CALL MY OWN PLAYS, AND I'M GONNA TRY TO DO THAT TONIGHT.

I CALL MY OWN PLAYS, AND I'M GONNA TRY TO DO THAT TONIGHT. SO, RIGHT NOW I'D LIKE TO SING A

GONNA TRY TO DO THAT TONIGHT. SO, RIGHT NOW I'D LIKE TO SING A SONG... A SONG THAT'S REALLY

SO, RIGHT NOW I'D LIKE TO SING A SONG... A SONG THAT'S REALLY VERY, VERY SPECIAL TO ME.

SONG... A SONG THAT'S REALLY VERY, VERY SPECIAL TO ME. AND HERE IT IS.

VERY, VERY SPECIAL TO ME. AND HERE IT IS. [INTRODUCTION TO "FEELINGS"

AND HERE IT IS. [INTRODUCTION TO "FEELINGS" PLAYS]

♪ FEELINGS ♪ ♪ NOTHING MORE THAN FEELINGS ♪ ♪ TRYING TO FORGET MY... ♪

♪ NOTHING MORE THAN FEELINGS ♪ ♪ TRYING TO FORGET MY... ♪ WELL, YOU CAN'T HELP BUT

♪ TRYING TO FORGET MY... ♪ WELL, YOU CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER IF MAYBE

WELL, YOU CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER IF MAYBE COACH JOHN BELUSHI HAS MADE A

WONDER IF MAYBE COACH JOHN BELUSHI HAS MADE A TECHNICAL ERROR TONIGHT LETTING

COACH JOHN BELUSHI HAS MADE A TECHNICAL ERROR TONIGHT LETTING FRAN TARKENTON TRY HIS LUCK AS A

TECHNICAL ERROR TONIGHT LETTING FRAN TARKENTON TRY HIS LUCK AS A SINGER.

FRAN TARKENTON TRY HIS LUCK AS A SINGER. DON'T GET ME WRONG.

SINGER. DON'T GET ME WRONG. I'M NOT BAD-RAPPING TARK, BUT

DON'T GET ME WRONG. I'M NOT BAD-RAPPING TARK, BUT YOU JUST CAN'T EXPECT A GUY

I'M NOT BAD-RAPPING TARK, BUT YOU JUST CAN'T EXPECT A GUY WHO'S PASSED FOR OVER 25,000

YOU JUST CAN'T EXPECT A GUY WHO'S PASSED FOR OVER 25,000 YARDS AND 300 TOUCHDOWNS TO BE

WHO'S PASSED FOR OVER 25,000 YARDS AND 300 TOUCHDOWNS TO BE ABLE TO PULL OFF A DRAMATIC

YARDS AND 300 TOUCHDOWNS TO BE ABLE TO PULL OFF A DRAMATIC BALLAD.

ABLE TO PULL OFF A DRAMATIC BALLAD. NOW, I'M SORRY, BUT THAT'S MY

BALLAD. NOW, I'M SORRY, BUT THAT'S MY OPINION.

NOW, I'M SORRY, BUT THAT'S MY OPINION. NOW, I SEE THAT BELUSHI IS

OPINION. NOW, I SEE THAT BELUSHI IS SENDING IN A PLAY WITH

NOW, I SEE THAT BELUSHI IS SENDING IN A PLAY WITH GARRETT MORRIS, THE TALENTED

SENDING IN A PLAY WITH GARRETT MORRIS, THE TALENTED RUNNING BACK OUT OF

GARRETT MORRIS, THE TALENTED RUNNING BACK OUT OF JULIUS ERVING HIGH SCHOOL HERE.

RUNNING BACK OUT OF JULIUS ERVING HIGH SCHOOL HERE. AND I WONDER MAYBE IF WE CAN GET

JULIUS ERVING HIGH SCHOOL HERE. AND I WONDER MAYBE IF WE CAN GET OUR STATISTICIAN BOBBY VAN RYE

AND I WONDER MAYBE IF WE CAN GET OUR STATISTICIAN BOBBY VAN RYE TO FIND OUT HOW MANY MILES

OUR STATISTICIAN BOBBY VAN RYE TO FIND OUT HOW MANY MILES 25,000 YARDS ADDS UP TO.

TO FIND OUT HOW MANY MILES 25,000 YARDS ADDS UP TO. WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE GARRETT'S

25,000 YARDS ADDS UP TO. WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE GARRETT'S GONNA MAKE A LITTLE BIT OF A

WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE GARRETT'S GONNA MAKE A LITTLE BIT OF A CHANGE HERE.

GONNA MAKE A LITTLE BIT OF A CHANGE HERE. BACK TO THE ACTION HERE FOR A

CHANGE HERE. BACK TO THE ACTION HERE FOR A SECOND.

BACK TO THE ACTION HERE FOR A SECOND. LOOK, I KNOW YOU.

SECOND. LOOK, I KNOW YOU. I KNOW YOU'RE AT YOUR PEAK,

LOOK, I KNOW YOU. I KNOW YOU'RE AT YOUR PEAK, BABY.

I KNOW YOU'RE AT YOUR PEAK, BABY. BUT THE COACH WANTS TO TALK TO

BABY. BUT THE COACH WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.

BUT THE COACH WANTS TO TALK TO YOU. ♪ FEELINGS ♪

YOU. ♪ FEELINGS ♪ ♪ WH-O-O-OA, FEELINGS ♪

♪ FEELINGS ♪ ♪ WH-O-O-OA, FEELINGS ♪ ♪ WH-O-OA, FEELINGS ♪

♪ WH-O-O-OA, FEELINGS ♪ ♪ WH-O-OA, FEELINGS ♪ ♪ AGAIN IN MY ARMS ♪

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

I BET YOU'RE TIRED OF SEARCHING FOR THE BEST MULTIPURPOSE PORTABLE FISH TOOL.

SEARCHING FOR THE BEST MULTIPURPOSE PORTABLE FISH TOOL. THERE CERTAINLY ARE A LOT OF

MULTIPURPOSE PORTABLE FISH TOOL. THERE CERTAINLY ARE A LOT OF THEM ON THE MARKET.

THERE CERTAINLY ARE A LOT OF THEM ON THE MARKET. WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO FIND ONE

THEM ON THE MARKET. WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO FIND ONE THAT NOT ONLY CUTS AND SCALES

WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO FIND ONE THAT NOT ONLY CUTS AND SCALES FISH BUT ALSO OFFERS YOU

THAT NOT ONLY CUTS AND SCALES FISH BUT ALSO OFFERS YOU PERSONAL PROTECTION IN YOUR

FISH BUT ALSO OFFERS YOU PERSONAL PROTECTION IN YOUR HOME, OFFICE, OR CAR?

PERSONAL PROTECTION IN YOUR HOME, OFFICE, OR CAR? COULDN'T YOU USE A MULTIPURPOSE

HOME, OFFICE, OR CAR? COULDN'T YOU USE A MULTIPURPOSE FISHING TOOL THAT ENSURES THE

COULDN'T YOU USE A MULTIPURPOSE FISHING TOOL THAT ENSURES THE SAFETY OF YOUR FAMILY AND

FISHING TOOL THAT ENSURES THE SAFETY OF YOUR FAMILY AND GUARANTEES THAT YOU'LL GET YOUR

SAFETY OF YOUR FAMILY AND GUARANTEES THAT YOU'LL GET YOUR LIMIT ON ELK, DEER, AND MOOSE ON

GUARANTEES THAT YOU'LL GET YOUR LIMIT ON ELK, DEER, AND MOOSE ON YOUR NEXT HUNTING TRIP?

LIMIT ON ELK, DEER, AND MOOSE ON YOUR NEXT HUNTING TRIP? SOUNDS INCREDIBLE, DOESN'T IT?

YOUR NEXT HUNTING TRIP? SOUNDS INCREDIBLE, DOESN'T IT? WELL, NOW, FOR A LIMITED TIME

SOUNDS INCREDIBLE, DOESN'T IT? WELL, NOW, FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY, ROVCO OFFERS THE ULTIMATE

WELL, NOW, FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY, ROVCO OFFERS THE ULTIMATE FISHING TOOL THAT DOES ALL THIS

ONLY, ROVCO OFFERS THE ULTIMATE FISHING TOOL THAT DOES ALL THIS IN ONE MULTIPLE INDEPENDENT

FISHING TOOL THAT DOES ALL THIS IN ONE MULTIPLE INDEPENDENT UNIT.

IN ONE MULTIPLE INDEPENDENT UNIT. FROM SWITZERLAND, IT'S ROVCO'S

UNIT. FROM SWITZERLAND, IT'S ROVCO'S AMAZING NEW SWISS ARMY GUN.

FROM SWITZERLAND, IT'S ROVCO'S AMAZING NEW SWISS ARMY GUN. YES, IT'S THE ALL-PURPOSE

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ALL RIGHT, CLASS, IS EVERYONE READY FOR OUR MORNING QUIZ? All: YES, MISS BRANCHETTE!

READY FOR OUR MORNING QUIZ? All: YES, MISS BRANCHETTE! GOOD.

HELLO, AMY. YOU'RE LATE AGAIN. TAKE YOUR SEAT, AMY. SORRY.

TAKE YOUR SEAT, AMY. SORRY. THE LIMOUSINE GOT STUCK IN

SORRY. THE LIMOUSINE GOT STUCK IN TRAFFIC.

THE LIMOUSINE GOT STUCK IN TRAFFIC. YOU COULD HAVE USED YOUR

TRAFFIC. YOU COULD HAVE USED YOUR FLASHERS.

YOU COULD HAVE USED YOUR FLASHERS. NOW...

FLASHERS. NOW... SETTLE DOWN, BOYS.

NOW... SETTLE DOWN, BOYS. WE'RE GOING TO HAVE AN AMERICAN

SETTLE DOWN, BOYS. WE'RE GOING TO HAVE AN AMERICAN HISTORY QUIZ THIS MORNING.

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE AN AMERICAN HISTORY QUIZ THIS MORNING. NOW, WHO WOULD LIKE TO TELL ME

HISTORY QUIZ THIS MORNING. NOW, WHO WOULD LIKE TO TELL ME WHY WE HAVE QUIZZES?

NOW, WHO WOULD LIKE TO TELL ME WHY WE HAVE QUIZZES? PICK ME!

WHY WE HAVE QUIZZES? PICK ME! PICK ME, MISS BRANCHETTE!

PICK ME! PICK ME, MISS BRANCHETTE! ALL RIGHT, HEATHER THURMAN.

PICK ME, MISS BRANCHETTE! ALL RIGHT, HEATHER THURMAN. YOU TELL US.

ALL RIGHT, HEATHER THURMAN. YOU TELL US. WE TAKE QUIZZES TO SHOW WHAT

YOU TELL US. WE TAKE QUIZZES TO SHOW WHAT WE KNOW, NOT WHAT WE DON'T KNOW.

WE TAKE QUIZZES TO SHOW WHAT WE KNOW, NOT WHAT WE DON'T KNOW. THAT'S RIGHT.

WE KNOW, NOT WHAT WE DON'T KNOW. THAT'S RIGHT. YES, THAT'S VERY GOOD.

THAT'S RIGHT. YES, THAT'S VERY GOOD. ALL RIGHT, PUPILS, TABLETS

YES, THAT'S VERY GOOD. ALL RIGHT, PUPILS, TABLETS READY.

ALL RIGHT, PUPILS, TABLETS READY. NOW, IN YOUR BEST PENMANSHIP,

READY. NOW, IN YOUR BEST PENMANSHIP, WRITE DOWN THE ANSWERS TO THESE

NOW, IN YOUR BEST PENMANSHIP, WRITE DOWN THE ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS.

WRITE DOWN THE ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS. ALL RIGHT.

QUESTIONS. ALL RIGHT. WHO IS OUR NEW PRESIDENT?

ALL RIGHT. WHO IS OUR NEW PRESIDENT? [CHUCKLES]

WHO IS OUR NEW PRESIDENT? [CHUCKLES] SHE SHOULD GET THAT ONE.

[CHUCKLES] SHE SHOULD GET THAT ONE. YEAH.

SHE SHOULD GET THAT ONE. YEAH. OKAY, NOW, WHO WAS OUR FIRST

YEAH. OKAY, NOW, WHO WAS OUR FIRST PRESIDENT?

OKAY, NOW, WHO WAS OUR FIRST PRESIDENT? WHO WAS THE PRESIDENT DURING THE

PRESIDENT? WHO WAS THE PRESIDENT DURING THE CIVIL WAR?

WHO WAS THE PRESIDENT DURING THE CIVIL WAR? Lincoln. Abraham Lincoln.

CIVIL WAR? Lincoln. Abraham Lincoln. I KNOW IT.

Lincoln. Abraham Lincoln. I KNOW IT. OKAY, WHO WAS THE PRESIDENT

I KNOW IT. OKAY, WHO WAS THE PRESIDENT DURING THE WAR OF 1812?

OKAY, WHO WAS THE PRESIDENT DURING THE WAR OF 1812? Madison. James Madison.

DURING THE WAR OF 1812? Madison. James Madison. ALL RIGHT.

Madison. James Madison. ALL RIGHT. WHY DID THE PILGRIMS COME TO

ALL RIGHT. WHY DID THE PILGRIMS COME TO AMERICA?

WHY DID THE PILGRIMS COME TO AMERICA? The Pilgrims... came to

AMERICA? The Pilgrims... came to America... to escape... religious

The Pilgrims... came to America... to escape... religious persecution.

America... to escape... religious persecution. S-E-C-U-T-I-O-N.

Persecution. S-E-C-U-T-I-O-N. MISS BRANCHETTE,

S-E-C-U-T-I-O-N. MISS BRANCHETTE, MISS BRANCHETTE!

MISS BRANCHETTE, MISS BRANCHETTE! AMY'S CHEATING!

MISS BRANCHETTE! AMY'S CHEATING! I AM NOT!

AMY'S CHEATING! I AM NOT! YOU ARE, TOO!

I AM NOT! YOU ARE, TOO! I AM NOT!

YOU ARE, TOO! I AM NOT! YOU ARE, TOO! YOU ARE...

I AM NOT! YOU ARE, TOO! YOU ARE... ERNIE! ROB! ERNIE! ERNIE!

YOU ARE, TOO! YOU ARE... ERNIE! ROB! ERNIE! ERNIE! ROB!

ERNIE! ROB! ERNIE! ERNIE! ROB! STOP! STOP, STOP, STOP!

ROB! STOP! STOP, STOP, STOP! STOP.

STOP! STOP, STOP, STOP! STOP. SORRY, MISS BRANCHETTE, IT

STOP. SORRY, MISS BRANCHETTE, IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.

SORRY, MISS BRANCHETTE, IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN. WELL, JUST SEE THAT IT

WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN. WELL, JUST SEE THAT IT DOESN'T.

WELL, JUST SEE THAT IT DOESN'T. SETTLE DOWN, HEATHER.

DOESN'T. SETTLE DOWN, HEATHER. ALL RIGHT, NEXT QUESTION... AND

SETTLE DOWN, HEATHER. ALL RIGHT, NEXT QUESTION... AND NO COPYING THIS TIME.

ALL RIGHT, NEXT QUESTION... AND NO COPYING THIS TIME. COMPARE AND CONTRAST THE

NO COPYING THIS TIME. COMPARE AND CONTRAST THE JEFFERSONIAN AND JACKSONIAN

COMPARE AND CONTRAST THE JEFFERSONIAN AND JACKSONIAN DEMOCRACY IN RELATION TO THE

JEFFERSONIAN AND JACKSONIAN DEMOCRACY IN RELATION TO THE REFORMIST MOVEMENT OF 1834.

I DON'T REALLY KNOW THAT ONE. NO.

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. COME ON.

ALL RIGHT. COME ON. COME ON! HE'S GOT IT! GOT IT!

COME ON. COME ON! HE'S GOT IT! GOT IT! OKAY, HE'S OPEN! HE'S OPEN!

COME ON! HE'S GOT IT! GOT IT! OKAY, HE'S OPEN! HE'S OPEN! GO! GO!

OKAY, HE'S OPEN! HE'S OPEN! GO! GO! GO, GO, GO!

GO! GO! GO, GO, GO! OH, GOD! HE DROPPED THE BALL!

GO, GO, GO! OH, GOD! HE DROPPED THE BALL! OH, GOD! I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

OH, GOD! HE DROPPED THE BALL! OH, GOD! I DON'T BELIEVE IT. DEFENSE, GET IN THERE.

OH, GOD! I DON'T BELIEVE IT. DEFENSE, GET IN THERE. GET IN THERE. DEFENSE.

DEFENSE, GET IN THERE. GET IN THERE. DEFENSE. MOVE, MOVE! GET THAT BALL.

GET IN THERE. DEFENSE. MOVE, MOVE! GET THAT BALL. GET THAT BALL.

MOVE, MOVE! GET THAT BALL. GET THAT BALL. WHERE'S CHAMBERS?

GET THAT BALL. WHERE'S CHAMBERS? CHAMBERS, GET OVER HERE!

WHERE'S CHAMBERS? CHAMBERS, GET OVER HERE! CHAMBERS!

CHAMBERS, GET OVER HERE! CHAMBERS! CHAMBERS, WHAT'S GOING ON OUT

CHAMBERS! CHAMBERS, WHAT'S GOING ON OUT THERE, CHAMBERS?

CHAMBERS, WHAT'S GOING ON OUT THERE, CHAMBERS? YOU'RE THE BEST HALFBACK WE'VE

THERE, CHAMBERS? YOU'RE THE BEST HALFBACK WE'VE GOT.

YOU'RE THE BEST HALFBACK WE'VE GOT. YOU WERE WIDE OPEN AND SOME GUY

GOT. YOU WERE WIDE OPEN AND SOME GUY PULLS AN ARM TACKLE ON YOU AND

YOU WERE WIDE OPEN AND SOME GUY PULLS AN ARM TACKLE ON YOU AND YOU FUMBLE THE BALL.

PULLS AN ARM TACKLE ON YOU AND YOU FUMBLE THE BALL. I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

YOU FUMBLE THE BALL. I DON'T BELIEVE IT. WHAT HAPPENED?

I DON'T BELIEVE IT. WHAT HAPPENED? I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT HAPPENED? I DON'T KNOW. I SAW DAYLIGHT, AND I WAS GOING

I DON'T KNOW. I SAW DAYLIGHT, AND I WAS GOING THROUGH, COACH.

I SAW DAYLIGHT, AND I WAS GOING THROUGH, COACH. AND THIS GUY GRABBED MY ARM AND

THROUGH, COACH. AND THIS GUY GRABBED MY ARM AND TORE MY ARM OFF AND I FUMBLED

AND THIS GUY GRABBED MY ARM AND TORE MY ARM OFF AND I FUMBLED THE BALL.

TORE MY ARM OFF AND I FUMBLED THE BALL. WHAT?

THE BALL. WHAT? HE TORE MY ARM OFF!

WHAT? HE TORE MY ARM OFF! SO, IT'S A LITTLE INJURY, IS

HE TORE MY ARM OFF! SO, IT'S A LITTLE INJURY, IS IT?

SO, IT'S A LITTLE INJURY, IS IT? YOU CAN'T PLAY HURT.

IT? YOU CAN'T PLAY HURT. IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO

YOU CAN'T PLAY HURT. IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO TELL ME, YOU CREAM PUFF?

IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO TELL ME, YOU CREAM PUFF? YOU CAN'T PLAY HURT, CHAMBERS.

TELL ME, YOU CREAM PUFF? YOU CAN'T PLAY HURT, CHAMBERS. WELL, THIS IS A CHAMPIONSHIP

YOU CAN'T PLAY HURT, CHAMBERS. WELL, THIS IS A CHAMPIONSHIP GAME.

WELL, THIS IS A CHAMPIONSHIP GAME. HEY, MAN, IS THIS YOURS?

GAME. HEY, MAN, IS THIS YOURS? YEAH.

HEY, MAN, IS THIS YOURS? YEAH. IS THIS THE ARM, CHAMBERS?

YEAH. IS THIS THE ARM, CHAMBERS? YEAH, THAT'S IT.

IS THIS THE ARM, CHAMBERS? YEAH, THAT'S IT. IT LOOKS FINE TO ME.

YEAH, THAT'S IT. IT LOOKS FINE TO ME. LET'S TAPE IT UP. COME ON.

IT LOOKS FINE TO ME. LET'S TAPE IT UP. COME ON. GET IT UP HERE.

LET'S TAPE IT UP. COME ON. GET IT UP HERE. TAPE IT UP.

GET IT UP HERE. TAPE IT UP. NOW, REMEMBER, CHAMBERS, JUST

TAPE IT UP. NOW, REMEMBER, CHAMBERS, JUST TUCK THE BALL, ALL RIGHT?

NOW, REMEMBER, CHAMBERS, JUST TUCK THE BALL, ALL RIGHT? JUST TUCK THE BALL.

TUCK THE BALL, ALL RIGHT? JUST TUCK THE BALL. GET THAT TAPE UP THERE. COME ON.

JUST TUCK THE BALL. GET THAT TAPE UP THERE. COME ON. COME ON.

GET THAT TAPE UP THERE. COME ON. COME ON. NOW, RUN.

COME ON. NOW, RUN. WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, THE

NOW, RUN. WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, THE TOUGH GET WEAK... NO, THE TOUGH

WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, THE TOUGH GET WEAK... NO, THE TOUGH GET HURT... THE TOUGH GET GOING.

TOUGH GET WEAK... NO, THE TOUGH GET HURT... THE TOUGH GET GOING. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

GET HURT... THE TOUGH GET GOING. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. GET THAT TAPE UP THERE.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. GET THAT TAPE UP THERE. OKAY, IT'S IN. OKAY, IT'S FINE.

GET THAT TAPE UP THERE. OKAY, IT'S IN. OKAY, IT'S FINE. WHEN YOU PLAY WITH PAIN, YOU

OKAY, IT'S IN. OKAY, IT'S FINE. WHEN YOU PLAY WITH PAIN, YOU PLAY WELL, ALL RIGHT?

WHEN YOU PLAY WITH PAIN, YOU PLAY WELL, ALL RIGHT? OKAY, GET OUT THERE.

PLAY WELL, ALL RIGHT? OKAY, GET OUT THERE. WHAT IF I PERMANENTLY DAMAGE

OKAY, GET OUT THERE. WHAT IF I PERMANENTLY DAMAGE THE ARM?

WHAT IF I PERMANENTLY DAMAGE THE ARM? THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

THE ARM? THAT'S ALL RIGHT. YOU CAN ALWAYS BE A PLACE

THAT'S ALL RIGHT. YOU CAN ALWAYS BE A PLACE KICKER.

YOU CAN ALWAYS BE A PLACE KICKER. MOVE! GET OUT THERE!

KICKER. MOVE! GET OUT THERE! GET OUT THERE!

MOVE! GET OUT THERE! GET OUT THERE! TARKENTON, MOVE OUT THERE.

GET OUT THERE! TARKENTON, MOVE OUT THERE. COME ON. LET'S GO.

TARKENTON, MOVE OUT THERE. COME ON. LET'S GO. DO THE INTROS. LET'S GO.

COME ON. LET'S GO. DO THE INTROS. LET'S GO. MAKE IT HAPPEN.

DO THE INTROS. LET'S GO. MAKE IT HAPPEN. MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN.

MAKE IT HAPPEN. MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LEO SAYER.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LEO SAYER. [APPLAUSE]

LEO SAYER. [APPLAUSE] [INTRODUCTION TO

[APPLAUSE] [INTRODUCTION TO "WHEN I NEED YOU" PLAYS]

♪ WHEN I NEED YOU, I JUST CLOSE MY EYES AND I'M WITH YOU ♪ ♪ AND ALL THAT I SO WANT TO GIVE

CLOSE MY EYES AND I'M WITH YOU ♪ ♪ AND ALL THAT I SO WANT TO GIVE YOU ♪

♪ AND ALL THAT I SO WANT TO GIVE YOU ♪ ♪ IT'S ONLY A HEARTBEAT AWAY ♪

YOU ♪ ♪ IT'S ONLY A HEARTBEAT AWAY ♪ ♪ WHEN I NEED LOVE, I HOLD OUT

♪ IT'S ONLY A HEARTBEAT AWAY ♪ ♪ WHEN I NEED LOVE, I HOLD OUT MY HANDS, AND I TOUCH LOVE ♪

♪ WHEN I NEED LOVE, I HOLD OUT MY HANDS, AND I TOUCH LOVE ♪ ♪ I NEVER KNEW THERE WAS

MY HANDS, AND I TOUCH LOVE ♪ ♪ I NEVER KNEW THERE WAS SO MUCH LOVE ♪

♪ I NEVER KNEW THERE WAS SO MUCH LOVE ♪ ♪ KEEPING ME WARM

SO MUCH LOVE ♪ ♪ KEEPING ME WARM NIGHT AND DAY ♪

♪ KEEPING ME WARM NIGHT AND DAY ♪ ♪ MILES AND MILES OF EMPTY SPACE

NIGHT AND DAY ♪ ♪ MILES AND MILES OF EMPTY SPACE IN BETWEEN US ♪

♪ MILES AND MILES OF EMPTY SPACE IN BETWEEN US ♪ ♪ A TELEPHONE CAN'T TAKE THE

IN BETWEEN US ♪ ♪ A TELEPHONE CAN'T TAKE THE PLACE OF YOUR SMILE ♪

♪ A TELEPHONE CAN'T TAKE THE PLACE OF YOUR SMILE ♪ ♪ BUT YOU KNOW I WON'T BE

PLACE OF YOUR SMILE ♪ ♪ BUT YOU KNOW I WON'T BE TRAVELING FOREVER ♪

♪ BUT YOU KNOW I WON'T BE TRAVELING FOREVER ♪ ♪ IT'S COLD OUT, BUT HOLD OUT ♪

TRAVELING FOREVER ♪ ♪ IT'S COLD OUT, BUT HOLD OUT ♪ ♪ AND DO LIKE I DO ♪

♪ IT'S COLD OUT, BUT HOLD OUT ♪ ♪ AND DO LIKE I DO ♪ ♪ WHEN I NEED YOU, I JUST CLOSE

♪ AND DO LIKE I DO ♪ ♪ WHEN I NEED YOU, I JUST CLOSE MY EYES AND I'M WITH YOU ♪

♪ WHEN I NEED YOU, I JUST CLOSE MY EYES AND I'M WITH YOU ♪ ♪ AND ALL THAT I SO WANT TO GIVE

MY EYES AND I'M WITH YOU ♪ ♪ AND ALL THAT I SO WANT TO GIVE YOU, BABE ♪

♪ AND ALL THAT I SO WANT TO GIVE YOU, BABE ♪ ♪ IT'S ONLY A HEARTBEAT AWAY ♪

YOU, BABE ♪ ♪ IT'S ONLY A HEARTBEAT AWAY ♪ ♪ IT'S NOT EASY WHEN THE ROAD IS

♪ IT'S ONLY A HEARTBEAT AWAY ♪ ♪ IT'S NOT EASY WHEN THE ROAD IS YOUR DRIVER ♪

♪ IT'S NOT EASY WHEN THE ROAD IS YOUR DRIVER ♪ ♪ HONEY, THAT'S A HEAVY LOAD

YOUR DRIVER ♪ ♪ HONEY, THAT'S A HEAVY LOAD THAT WE BEAR ♪

♪ HONEY, THAT'S A HEAVY LOAD THAT WE BEAR ♪ ♪ BUT YOU KNOW I WON'T BE

THAT WE BEAR ♪ ♪ BUT YOU KNOW I WON'T BE TRAVELING A LIFETIME ♪

♪ BUT YOU KNOW I WON'T BE TRAVELING A LIFETIME ♪ ♪ IT'S COLD OUT, BUT HOLD OUT ♪

TRAVELING A LIFETIME ♪ ♪ IT'S COLD OUT, BUT HOLD OUT ♪ ♪ AND DO LIKE I DO ♪

♪ IT'S COLD OUT, BUT HOLD OUT ♪ ♪ AND DO LIKE I DO ♪ ♪ OH, I NEED YOU ♪

♪ AND DO LIKE I DO ♪ ♪ OH, I NEED YOU ♪ [SAXOPHONE SOLO]

♪ WHEN I NEED LOVE, I HOLD OUT MY HANDS, AND I TOUCH LOVE ♪ ♪ I NEVER KNEW THERE WAS

MY HANDS, AND I TOUCH LOVE ♪ ♪ I NEVER KNEW THERE WAS SO MUCH LOVE ♪

♪ I NEVER KNEW THERE WAS SO MUCH LOVE ♪ ♪ KEEPING ME WARM

SO MUCH LOVE ♪ ♪ KEEPING ME WARM NIGHT AND DAY ♪

♪ KEEPING ME WARM NIGHT AND DAY ♪ ♪ WHEN I NEED YOU,

NIGHT AND DAY ♪ ♪ WHEN I NEED YOU, I JUST CLOSE MY E-E-E-EYES ♪

♪ WHEN I NEED YOU, I JUST CLOSE MY E-E-E-EYES ♪ ♪ AND YOU'RE RIGHT HERE

I JUST CLOSE MY E-E-E-EYES ♪ ♪ AND YOU'RE RIGHT HERE BY MY SIDE ♪

♪ AND YOU'RE RIGHT HERE BY MY SIDE ♪ ♪ KEEPING ME WARM

BY MY SIDE ♪ ♪ KEEPING ME WARM NIGHT AND DAY ♪

♪ KEEPING ME WARM NIGHT AND DAY ♪ ♪ I JUST HOLD OUT MY HANDS ♪

NIGHT AND DAY ♪ ♪ I JUST HOLD OUT MY HANDS ♪ ♪ I JUST HOLD OUT MY HANDS ♪

♪ I JUST HOLD OUT MY HANDS ♪ ♪ I JUST HOLD OUT MY HANDS ♪ ♪ AND I'M WITH YOU, DARLIN' ♪

♪ I JUST HOLD OUT MY HANDS ♪ ♪ AND I'M WITH YOU, DARLIN' ♪ ♪ YES, I'M WITH YOU, DARLIN' ♪

♪ AND I'M WITH YOU, DARLIN' ♪ ♪ YES, I'M WITH YOU, DARLIN' ♪ ♪ ALL I WANT TO GIVE YOU ♪

♪ YES, I'M WITH YOU, DARLIN' ♪ ♪ ALL I WANT TO GIVE YOU ♪ ♪ IT'S ONLY A HEARTBEAT AWAY ♪

♪ ALL I WANT TO GIVE YOU ♪ ♪ IT'S ONLY A HEARTBEAT AWAY ♪ ♪ WHEN I NEED YOU ♪

♪ IT'S ONLY A HEARTBEAT AWAY ♪ ♪ WHEN I NEED YOU ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME TO "BLACK PERSPECTIVE." I'M YOUR HOST, GARRETT MORRIS.

"BLACK PERSPECTIVE." I'M YOUR HOST, GARRETT MORRIS. TONIGHT'S DISCUSSION CONCERNS

I'M YOUR HOST, GARRETT MORRIS. TONIGHT'S DISCUSSION CONCERNS THE BLACK ATHLETE IN PRO

TONIGHT'S DISCUSSION CONCERNS THE BLACK ATHLETE IN PRO FOOTBALL.

THE BLACK ATHLETE IN PRO FOOTBALL. AND OUR GUEST IS THE LEGENDARY

FOOTBALL. AND OUR GUEST IS THE LEGENDARY QUARTERBACK OF THE MINNESOTA

AND OUR GUEST IS THE LEGENDARY QUARTERBACK OF THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS, FRAN TARKENTON.

QUARTERBACK OF THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS, FRAN TARKENTON. WELCOME, FRAN.

VIKINGS, FRAN TARKENTON. WELCOME, FRAN. WELL, THANK YOU.

WELCOME, FRAN. WELL, THANK YOU. IT'S NICE TO BE HERE.

WELL, THANK YOU. IT'S NICE TO BE HERE. YEAH, FRAN, ASIDE FROM YOUR

IT'S NICE TO BE HERE. YEAH, FRAN, ASIDE FROM YOUR FABULOUS CAREER ON THE FIELD,

YEAH, FRAN, ASIDE FROM YOUR FABULOUS CAREER ON THE FIELD, YOU ARE ALSO A MEMBER OF THE

FABULOUS CAREER ON THE FIELD, YOU ARE ALSO A MEMBER OF THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE'S

YOU ARE ALSO A MEMBER OF THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE'S COMMITTEE ON RACE RELATIONS.

NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE'S COMMITTEE ON RACE RELATIONS. WELL, THAT'S TRUE, GARRETT.

COMMITTEE ON RACE RELATIONS. WELL, THAT'S TRUE, GARRETT. I'VE BEEN THE CHAIRMAN SINCE

WELL, THAT'S TRUE, GARRETT. I'VE BEEN THE CHAIRMAN SINCE 1971.

I'VE BEEN THE CHAIRMAN SINCE 1971. YEAH, YOU HAVE BEEN QUOTED AS

1971. YEAH, YOU HAVE BEEN QUOTED AS SAYING THAT FOOTBALL IS REALLY

YEAH, YOU HAVE BEEN QUOTED AS SAYING THAT FOOTBALL IS REALLY BROTHERHOOD IN ACTION, MAN.

SAYING THAT FOOTBALL IS REALLY BROTHERHOOD IN ACTION, MAN. WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY THAT?

BROTHERHOOD IN ACTION, MAN. WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY THAT? WELL, YOU KNOW, A FOOTBALL

WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY THAT? WELL, YOU KNOW, A FOOTBALL TEAM IS A FAMILY, A FAMILY UNIT

WELL, YOU KNOW, A FOOTBALL TEAM IS A FAMILY, A FAMILY UNIT CONSISTING OF 40 MEN LIVING AND

TEAM IS A FAMILY, A FAMILY UNIT CONSISTING OF 40 MEN LIVING AND WORKING TOGETHER TOWARD A

CONSISTING OF 40 MEN LIVING AND WORKING TOGETHER TOWARD A GOAL... WINNING.

WORKING TOGETHER TOWARD A GOAL... WINNING. AND IT'S THE FAMILY THAT COUNTS.

GOAL... WINNING. AND IT'S THE FAMILY THAT COUNTS. THE ONLY COLOR THAT EXISTS IS

AND IT'S THE FAMILY THAT COUNTS. THE ONLY COLOR THAT EXISTS IS THE COLOR OF A PLAYER'S JERSEY.

THE ONLY COLOR THAT EXISTS IS THE COLOR OF A PLAYER'S JERSEY. WELL, TIMES CERTAINLY HAVE

THE COLOR OF A PLAYER'S JERSEY. WELL, TIMES CERTAINLY HAVE CHANGED, FRAN.

WELL, TIMES CERTAINLY HAVE CHANGED, FRAN. I MEAN, WE'VE COME A LONG WAY.

CHANGED, FRAN. I MEAN, WE'VE COME A LONG WAY. YEAH, AND IT'S ABOUT TIME,

I MEAN, WE'VE COME A LONG WAY. YEAH, AND IT'S ABOUT TIME, I'D SAY.

YEAH, AND IT'S ABOUT TIME, I'D SAY. RIGHT ON.

I'D SAY. RIGHT ON. RIGHT ON, MAN.

RIGHT ON. RIGHT ON, MAN. BUT STILL, MAN, EVEN IN 1977,

RIGHT ON, MAN. BUT STILL, MAN, EVEN IN 1977, YOU KNOW, SOME STEREOTYPES AND

BUT STILL, MAN, EVEN IN 1977, YOU KNOW, SOME STEREOTYPES AND CLASS DISTINCTIONS STILL DO

YOU KNOW, SOME STEREOTYPES AND CLASS DISTINCTIONS STILL DO EXIST, WOULDN'T YOU AGREE?

CLASS DISTINCTIONS STILL DO EXIST, WOULDN'T YOU AGREE? UH, NONE THAT I KNOW OF.

EXIST, WOULDN'T YOU AGREE? UH, NONE THAT I KNOW OF. WELL, HOW ABOUT THE MYTH THAT

UH, NONE THAT I KNOW OF. WELL, HOW ABOUT THE MYTH THAT A BLACK MAN CANNOT MAKE IT AS A

WELL, HOW ABOUT THE MYTH THAT A BLACK MAN CANNOT MAKE IT AS A PRO QUARTERBACK?

A BLACK MAN CANNOT MAKE IT AS A PRO QUARTERBACK? THERE ARE 28 TEAMS IN THE

PRO QUARTERBACK? THERE ARE 28 TEAMS IN THE LEAGUE, AND ONLY THREE OF THEM

THERE ARE 28 TEAMS IN THE LEAGUE, AND ONLY THREE OF THEM HAVE BLACK QUARTERBACKS, AND

LEAGUE, AND ONLY THREE OF THEM HAVE BLACK QUARTERBACKS, AND THEY ALL SITTING ON THE BENCH,

HAVE BLACK QUARTERBACKS, AND THEY ALL SITTING ON THE BENCH, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

THEY ALL SITTING ON THE BENCH, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? YES, YES.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? YES, YES. WELL, FOR YEARS, THERE'S BEEN

YES, YES. WELL, FOR YEARS, THERE'S BEEN THIS MYTH THAT A BLACK'S MIND IS

WELL, FOR YEARS, THERE'S BEEN THIS MYTH THAT A BLACK'S MIND IS NOT ELABORATE ENOUGH TO READ

THIS MYTH THAT A BLACK'S MIND IS NOT ELABORATE ENOUGH TO READ DEFENSES, THAT HE CAN'T CALL

NOT ELABORATE ENOUGH TO READ DEFENSES, THAT HE CAN'T CALL AUDIBLES FROM THE LINE, AND THAT

DEFENSES, THAT HE CAN'T CALL AUDIBLES FROM THE LINE, AND THAT HE HAS NO LEADERSHIP QUALITIES.

AUDIBLES FROM THE LINE, AND THAT HE HAS NO LEADERSHIP QUALITIES. NOW, YOU'VE BEEN, YOU KNOW, IN

HE HAS NO LEADERSHIP QUALITIES. NOW, YOU'VE BEEN, YOU KNOW, IN THE LEAGUE FOR 16 YEARS, AND YOU

NOW, YOU'VE BEEN, YOU KNOW, IN THE LEAGUE FOR 16 YEARS, AND YOU JUST SAID THAT THERE IS NO

THE LEAGUE FOR 16 YEARS, AND YOU JUST SAID THAT THERE IS NO PREJUDICE, RIGHT?

JUST SAID THAT THERE IS NO PREJUDICE, RIGHT? UH, YES.

PREJUDICE, RIGHT? UH, YES. THEN WHAT ABOUT THESE MYTHS?

UH, YES. THEN WHAT ABOUT THESE MYTHS? THEY'RE ABSOLUTELY TRUE,

THEN WHAT ABOUT THESE MYTHS? THEY'RE ABSOLUTELY TRUE, GARRETT.

THEY'RE ABSOLUTELY TRUE, GARRETT. I MUST HAVE MISSED SOMETHING.

GARRETT. I MUST HAVE MISSED SOMETHING. WHAT DID YOU SAY?

I MUST HAVE MISSED SOMETHING. WHAT DID YOU SAY? IT'S NOT A MYTH. IT'S A FACT.

WHAT DID YOU SAY? IT'S NOT A MYTH. IT'S A FACT. EVERY BLACK I KNOW HAS TROUBLE

IT'S NOT A MYTH. IT'S A FACT. EVERY BLACK I KNOW HAS TROUBLE WITH AREA CODES, LET ALONE

EVERY BLACK I KNOW HAS TROUBLE WITH AREA CODES, LET ALONE NUMBERS OF PLAYS.

WITH AREA CODES, LET ALONE NUMBERS OF PLAYS. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

NUMBERS OF PLAYS. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. SAY THAT AGAIN.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. SAY THAT AGAIN. WELL, YOU KNOW, EVEN THE

SAY THAT AGAIN. WELL, YOU KNOW, EVEN THE BLACK KIDS IN THE SUMMER CAMP I

WELL, YOU KNOW, EVEN THE BLACK KIDS IN THE SUMMER CAMP I RUN DON'T HAVE IT.

BLACK KIDS IN THE SUMMER CAMP I RUN DON'T HAVE IT. SURE, THEY CAN DANCE IN THE END

RUN DON'T HAVE IT. SURE, THEY CAN DANCE IN THE END ZONE.

SURE, THEY CAN DANCE IN THE END ZONE. THEY HAVE EXTRA BONES IN THEIR

ZONE. THEY HAVE EXTRA BONES IN THEIR FEET.

THEY HAVE EXTRA BONES IN THEIR FEET. BUT WHEN IT COMES TO LEADERSHIP,

FEET. BUT WHEN IT COMES TO LEADERSHIP, ONE BLACK QUARTERBACK ENGINEERED

BUT WHEN IT COMES TO LEADERSHIP, ONE BLACK QUARTERBACK ENGINEERED A DRIVE THAT STARTED AT HIS OWN

ONE BLACK QUARTERBACK ENGINEERED A DRIVE THAT STARTED AT HIS OWN 40-YARD LINE AND ENDED UP IN THE

A DRIVE THAT STARTED AT HIS OWN 40-YARD LINE AND ENDED UP IN THE PARKING LOT WITH A BUCKET OF

40-YARD LINE AND ENDED UP IN THE PARKING LOT WITH A BUCKET OF CHICKEN.

PARKING LOT WITH A BUCKET OF CHICKEN. HEY, MAN, I KNOW WHAT YOU

CHICKEN. HEY, MAN, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN!

HEY, MAN, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN! YEAH, THAT'S TRUE!

MEAN! YEAH, THAT'S TRUE! YEAH, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

YEAH, THAT'S TRUE! YEAH, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. AND, GARRETT, LET'S FACE IT.

YEAH, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. AND, GARRETT, LET'S FACE IT. TRY TO BE OBJECTIVE.

AND, GARRETT, LET'S FACE IT. TRY TO BE OBJECTIVE. IF YOU WERE ON THE OFFENSIVE

TRY TO BE OBJECTIVE. IF YOU WERE ON THE OFFENSIVE LINE, WOULD YOU TURN YOUR BACK

IF YOU WERE ON THE OFFENSIVE LINE, WOULD YOU TURN YOUR BACK ON A BLACK GUY STANDING BEHIND

LINE, WOULD YOU TURN YOUR BACK ON A BLACK GUY STANDING BEHIND YOU, ESPECIALLY DURING A NIGHT

ON A BLACK GUY STANDING BEHIND YOU, ESPECIALLY DURING A NIGHT GAME?

YOU, ESPECIALLY DURING A NIGHT GAME? NO, MAN. NOT ME.

GAME? NO, MAN. NOT ME. I'VE GOT A WIFE AND KIDS.

NO, MAN. NOT ME. I'VE GOT A WIFE AND KIDS. LOOK, MAN, THANK YOU FOR

I'VE GOT A WIFE AND KIDS. LOOK, MAN, THANK YOU FOR CLEARING THAT UP, MAN.

LOOK, MAN, THANK YOU FOR CLEARING THAT UP, MAN. I'VE ALWAYS HAD A PROBLEM ABOUT

CLEARING THAT UP, MAN. I'VE ALWAYS HAD A PROBLEM ABOUT THAT.

I'VE ALWAYS HAD A PROBLEM ABOUT THAT. AND THANK YOU FOR WATCHING

THAT. AND THANK YOU FOR WATCHING "BLACK PERSPECTIVE."

AND THANK YOU FOR WATCHING "BLACK PERSPECTIVE." NEXT WEEK, MARK SPITZ EXPLAINS

"BLACK PERSPECTIVE." NEXT WEEK, MARK SPITZ EXPLAINS WHY THERE ARE NO BLACK SWIMMERS.

HOW'S THE DRINK? STRONG, BUT IT'S REALLY GOOD. AND THEY ACTUALLY LIVE HERE?

STRONG, BUT IT'S REALLY GOOD. AND THEY ACTUALLY LIVE HERE? MM-HMM.

AND THEY ACTUALLY LIVE HERE? MM-HMM. THE VICE PRESIDENT OF DataCorp,

MM-HMM. THE VICE PRESIDENT OF DataCorp, BILL HOGAN, TOLD ME ABOUT THIS

THE VICE PRESIDENT OF DataCorp, BILL HOGAN, TOLD ME ABOUT THIS PLACE.

BILL HOGAN, TOLD ME ABOUT THIS PLACE. A MAN AND HIS WIFE TURN THEIR

PLACE. A MAN AND HIS WIFE TURN THEIR OWN HOUSE INTO A RESTAURANT

A MAN AND HIS WIFE TURN THEIR OWN HOUSE INTO A RESTAURANT THREE NIGHTS A WEEK.

OWN HOUSE INTO A RESTAURANT THREE NIGHTS A WEEK. IT GOT A 4-STAR RATING IN

THREE NIGHTS A WEEK. IT GOT A 4-STAR RATING IN FOOD MAP MAGAZINE.

IT GOT A 4-STAR RATING IN FOOD MAP MAGAZINE. OH, WOW!

FOOD MAP MAGAZINE. OH, WOW! THEY SAID IT WAS REAL

OH, WOW! THEY SAID IT WAS REAL EXPENSIVE, BUT I MADE

THEY SAID IT WAS REAL EXPENSIVE, BUT I MADE RESERVATIONS TWO MONTHS IN

EXPENSIVE, BUT I MADE RESERVATIONS TWO MONTHS IN ADVANCE BECAUSE YOU'RE WORTH IT.

RESERVATIONS TWO MONTHS IN ADVANCE BECAUSE YOU'RE WORTH IT. [LAUGHS]

ADVANCE BECAUSE YOU'RE WORTH IT. [LAUGHS] THANK YOU.

[LAUGHS] THANK YOU. [French accent] IS

THANK YOU. [French accent] IS EVERYTHING SATISFACTORY?

[French accent] IS EVERYTHING SATISFACTORY? OH, YES, EVERYTHING IS GREAT.

EVERYTHING SATISFACTORY? OH, YES, EVERYTHING IS GREAT. THE DRINKS ARE FINE?

OH, YES, EVERYTHING IS GREAT. THE DRINKS ARE FINE? AND YOU HAVE A LOVELY HOME!

THE DRINKS ARE FINE? AND YOU HAVE A LOVELY HOME! OH, THANK YOU.

AND YOU HAVE A LOVELY HOME! OH, THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

OH, THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. YOU KNOW, IT IS OUR PLEASURE TO

THANK YOU VERY MUCH. YOU KNOW, IT IS OUR PLEASURE TO SERVE YOU AND EXTEND THE

YOU KNOW, IT IS OUR PLEASURE TO SERVE YOU AND EXTEND THE HOSPITALITY OF THE REGION OF

SERVE YOU AND EXTEND THE HOSPITALITY OF THE REGION OF ALSACE TO YOU HERE IN AMERICA AT

HOSPITALITY OF THE REGION OF ALSACE TO YOU HERE IN AMERICA AT MAISON ALSACE AMERICAN.

ALSACE TO YOU HERE IN AMERICA AT MAISON ALSACE AMERICAN. THIS IS MY WIFE, ELLEN.

MAISON ALSACE AMERICAN. THIS IS MY WIFE, ELLEN. SHE WILL ASSIST ME IN PREPARING

THIS IS MY WIFE, ELLEN. SHE WILL ASSIST ME IN PREPARING THE MEAL FOR YOU TONIGHT AND

SHE WILL ASSIST ME IN PREPARING THE MEAL FOR YOU TONIGHT AND MAKING YOU FEEL AT HOME IN OUR

THE MEAL FOR YOU TONIGHT AND MAKING YOU FEEL AT HOME IN OUR HOME.

MAKING YOU FEEL AT HOME IN OUR HOME. THIS IS OUR HOME, AS YOU KNOW.

HOME. THIS IS OUR HOME, AS YOU KNOW. I AM THE COOK.

THIS IS OUR HOME, AS YOU KNOW. I AM THE COOK. I WOULD LIKE TO TELL YOU... I

I AM THE COOK. I WOULD LIKE TO TELL YOU... I TOLD YOU A LITTLE BIT ABOUT IT

I WOULD LIKE TO TELL YOU... I TOLD YOU A LITTLE BIT ABOUT IT ON THE PHONE WHEN I CONFIRMED

TOLD YOU A LITTLE BIT ABOUT IT ON THE PHONE WHEN I CONFIRMED YOUR RESERVATIONS... WHAT WE ARE

ON THE PHONE WHEN I CONFIRMED YOUR RESERVATIONS... WHAT WE ARE GOING TO HAVE FOR YOU TONIGHT,

YOUR RESERVATIONS... WHAT WE ARE GOING TO HAVE FOR YOU TONIGHT, EXCLUSIVELY FOR YOU.

GOING TO HAVE FOR YOU TONIGHT, EXCLUSIVELY FOR YOU. AS YOU KNOW, THIS IS OUR HOME.

EXCLUSIVELY FOR YOU. AS YOU KNOW, THIS IS OUR HOME. I COOK ONLY THREE NIGHTS A WEEK

AS YOU KNOW, THIS IS OUR HOME. I COOK ONLY THREE NIGHTS A WEEK FOR ONLY ONE COUPLE.

I COOK ONLY THREE NIGHTS A WEEK FOR ONLY ONE COUPLE. WE HAVE CHOSEN YOU.

FOR ONLY ONE COUPLE. WE HAVE CHOSEN YOU. THIS WAY WE CAN SERVE YOU

WE HAVE CHOSEN YOU. THIS WAY WE CAN SERVE YOU EXCLUSIVELY AND GIVE YOU OUR

THIS WAY WE CAN SERVE YOU EXCLUSIVELY AND GIVE YOU OUR FULL HOSPITALITY.

EXCLUSIVELY AND GIVE YOU OUR FULL HOSPITALITY. NOW, TONIGHT, FOR YOU, I HAVE

FULL HOSPITALITY. NOW, TONIGHT, FOR YOU, I HAVE SUPPER FROM THE ALSACE REGION OF

NOW, TONIGHT, FOR YOU, I HAVE SUPPER FROM THE ALSACE REGION OF FRANCE.

SUPPER FROM THE ALSACE REGION OF FRANCE. YOU WILL HAVE, TO START,

FRANCE. YOU WILL HAVE, TO START, PâTé DE FOIE GRAS, A SOUP MADE

YOU WILL HAVE, TO START, PâTé DE FOIE GRAS, A SOUP MADE FROM LEEKS AND TOMATOES.

PâTé DE FOIE GRAS, A SOUP MADE FROM LEEKS AND TOMATOES. [French accent] EXCUSE ME,

FROM LEEKS AND TOMATOES. [French accent] EXCUSE ME, MAîTRE?

[French accent] EXCUSE ME, MAîTRE? THE TOMATOES ARE NOT AS FRESH AS

MAîTRE? THE TOMATOES ARE NOT AS FRESH AS THE RED PEPPERS.

THE TOMATOES ARE NOT AS FRESH AS THE RED PEPPERS. WE WILL BE USING THE TOMATOES

THE RED PEPPERS. WE WILL BE USING THE TOMATOES IN THE SOUP.

WE WILL BE USING THE TOMATOES IN THE SOUP. THEY ARE PERFECT FOR THE SOUP.

IN THE SOUP. THEY ARE PERFECT FOR THE SOUP. AS I HAVE SAID BEFORE, I AM THE

THEY ARE PERFECT FOR THE SOUP. AS I HAVE SAID BEFORE, I AM THE COOK.

AS I HAVE SAID BEFORE, I AM THE COOK. THIS IS MY HOME.

COOK. THIS IS MY HOME. [MUTTERING]

THIS IS MY HOME. [MUTTERING] IF YOU WILL EXCUSE ME.

[MUTTERING] IF YOU WILL EXCUSE ME. AND WE WILL HAVE, FOR YOU,

IF YOU WILL EXCUSE ME. AND WE WILL HAVE, FOR YOU, SOME QUICHE LORRAINE WITH APPLE.

AND WE WILL HAVE, FOR YOU, SOME QUICHE LORRAINE WITH APPLE. AND YOU WILL HAVE LES CôTELETTES

SOME QUICHE LORRAINE WITH APPLE. AND YOU WILL HAVE LES CôTELETTES D'AGNEAU, LAMB CHOPS, WITH GREEN

AND YOU WILL HAVE LES CôTELETTES D'AGNEAU, LAMB CHOPS, WITH GREEN BEANS, HARICOT VERT, WE SAY, AND

D'AGNEAU, LAMB CHOPS, WITH GREEN BEANS, HARICOT VERT, WE SAY, AND CANDIED CARROTS AND A LITTLE

BEANS, HARICOT VERT, WE SAY, AND CANDIED CARROTS AND A LITTLE SAUCE ON THAT FOR YOU.

CANDIED CARROTS AND A LITTLE SAUCE ON THAT FOR YOU. WE HAVE THE PâTISSERIE FOR

SAUCE ON THAT FOR YOU. WE HAVE THE PâTISSERIE FOR DESSERT, AND THE WINE WILL BE A

WE HAVE THE PâTISSERIE FOR DESSERT, AND THE WINE WILL BE A RED ALSATIAN WINE, 1968 VINTAGE.

DESSERT, AND THE WINE WILL BE A RED ALSATIAN WINE, 1968 VINTAGE. IS THAT ALL RIGHT FOR YOU?

RED ALSATIAN WINE, 1968 VINTAGE. IS THAT ALL RIGHT FOR YOU? SOUNDS REALLY GOOD!

IS THAT ALL RIGHT FOR YOU? SOUNDS REALLY GOOD! ALL RIGHT, AND FOR YOUR

SOUNDS REALLY GOOD! ALL RIGHT, AND FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT PLEASURE...

ALL RIGHT, AND FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT PLEASURE... FRANCINE... OUR DAUGHTER

ENTERTAINMENT PLEASURE... FRANCINE... OUR DAUGHTER FRANCINE WILL PLAY THE RECORDER

FRANCINE... OUR DAUGHTER FRANCINE WILL PLAY THE RECORDER FOR YOU.

FRANCINE WILL PLAY THE RECORDER FOR YOU. I COME BACK. I HOPE YOU ENJOY.

FOR YOU. I COME BACK. I HOPE YOU ENJOY. PLEASE.

I COME BACK. I HOPE YOU ENJOY. PLEASE. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

PLEASE. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. [PLAYING DISCORDANTLY]

THANK YOU VERY MUCH. [PLAYING DISCORDANTLY] [INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

AND FOR YOU NOW, THE SOUP AND THE PATE. IT LOOKS GREAT!

AND THE PATE. IT LOOKS GREAT! FOR YOUR PLEASURE.

IT LOOKS GREAT! FOR YOUR PLEASURE. AND THE WINE.

FOR YOUR PLEASURE. AND THE WINE. I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT.

AND THE WINE. I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT. VINTAGE 1968 FROM THE ALSACE

I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT. VINTAGE 1968 FROM THE ALSACE REGION.

VINTAGE 1968 FROM THE ALSACE REGION. RIGHT.

REGION. RIGHT. PLEASE, ENJOY YOURSELVES.

RIGHT. PLEASE, ENJOY YOURSELVES. WE ARE ONLY HERE TO SERVE YOU.

PLEASE, ENJOY YOURSELVES. WE ARE ONLY HERE TO SERVE YOU. YOU SHOULD HAVE A LOVELY TIME.

WE ARE ONLY HERE TO SERVE YOU. YOU SHOULD HAVE A LOVELY TIME. OH, I'M SURE WE WILL.

YOU SHOULD HAVE A LOVELY TIME. OH, I'M SURE WE WILL. FINE FOR YOU?

OH, I'M SURE WE WILL. FINE FOR YOU? IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

FINE FOR YOU? IT'S BEAUTIFUL. I AM GLAD YOU ENJOY IT.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL. I AM GLAD YOU ENJOY IT. IT IS A VERY GOOD WINE, AND WE

I AM GLAD YOU ENJOY IT. IT IS A VERY GOOD WINE, AND WE HAVE MORE DOWNSTAIRS FOR YOU.

IT IS A VERY GOOD WINE, AND WE HAVE MORE DOWNSTAIRS FOR YOU. ALL RIGHT.

HAVE MORE DOWNSTAIRS FOR YOU. ALL RIGHT. AND FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT

ALL RIGHT. AND FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT PLEASURE... FRANCINE... OUR

AND FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT PLEASURE... FRANCINE... OUR DAUGHTER FRANCINE WILL PLAY FOR

PLEASURE... FRANCINE... OUR DAUGHTER FRANCINE WILL PLAY FOR YOU THE RECORDER.

DAUGHTER FRANCINE WILL PLAY FOR YOU THE RECORDER. [PLAYING DISCORDANTLY]

YOU THE RECORDER. [PLAYING DISCORDANTLY] [INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

[PLAYING DISCORDANTLY] [INDISTINCT SHOUTING] [BANGING, CRASHING]

AND FOR YOU NOW, THE MAIN COURSE, WHICH IS, OF COURSE, LES CôTELETTES D'AGNEAU WITH A

COURSE, WHICH IS, OF COURSE, LES CôTELETTES D'AGNEAU WITH A SMALL MINT SAUCE ON IT FOR YOU.

CôTELETTES D'AGNEAU WITH A SMALL MINT SAUCE ON IT FOR YOU. EXCUSE ME. I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT.

SMALL MINT SAUCE ON IT FOR YOU. EXCUSE ME. I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT. AND LES HARICOT VERT AND A SMALL

EXCUSE ME. I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT. AND LES HARICOT VERT AND A SMALL LIGHT SAUCE ON THE CARROTS.

AND LES HARICOT VERT AND A SMALL LIGHT SAUCE ON THE CARROTS. ARE YOU OKAY?

LIGHT SAUCE ON THE CARROTS. ARE YOU OKAY? IT'S NOTHING. I DROP A PLATE.

ARE YOU OKAY? IT'S NOTHING. I DROP A PLATE. THE SOUP WAS DELICIOUS.

IT'S NOTHING. I DROP A PLATE. THE SOUP WAS DELICIOUS. SOUP IS VERY GOOD.

THE SOUP WAS DELICIOUS. SOUP IS VERY GOOD. I'M GLAD YOU ENJOY IT.

SOUP IS VERY GOOD. I'M GLAD YOU ENJOY IT. PLEASE ENJOY YOUR MEAL.

I'M GLAD YOU ENJOY IT. PLEASE ENJOY YOUR MEAL. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO BE AT HOME

PLEASE ENJOY YOUR MEAL. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO BE AT HOME IN OUR HOME.

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO BE AT HOME IN OUR HOME. AND FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT

IN OUR HOME. AND FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT PLEASURE NOW, FRANCINE, OUR

AND FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT PLEASURE NOW, FRANCINE, OUR DAUGHTER, WILL PLAY FOR YOU

PLEASURE NOW, FRANCINE, OUR DAUGHTER, WILL PLAY FOR YOU THE RECORDER.

DAUGHTER, WILL PLAY FOR YOU THE RECORDER. PLEASE ENJOY.

THE RECORDER. PLEASE ENJOY. [PLAYING DISCORDANTLY]

PLEASE ENJOY. [PLAYING DISCORDANTLY] [INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

[PLAYING DISCORDANTLY] [INDISTINCT SHOUTING] AAH!

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING] AAH! [French accent] PLEASE!

AAH! [French accent] PLEASE! I CANNOT STAND IT ANY LONGER!

[French accent] PLEASE! I CANNOT STAND IT ANY LONGER! YOU MUST HELP ME!

I CANNOT STAND IT ANY LONGER! YOU MUST HELP ME! I AM IN TROUBLE!

YOU MUST HELP ME! I AM IN TROUBLE! I HAVE TO GO TO COLORADO TO SEE

I AM IN TROUBLE! I HAVE TO GO TO COLORADO TO SEE MY BOYFRIEND!

I HAVE TO GO TO COLORADO TO SEE MY BOYFRIEND! ALL I NEED IS $35 MORE FOR THE

MY BOYFRIEND! ALL I NEED IS $35 MORE FOR THE BUS!

ALL I NEED IS $35 MORE FOR THE BUS! OH, PLEASE!

BUS! OH, PLEASE! [PLAYING DISCORDANTLY]

AND WHEN YOU ARE THROUGH WITH YOUR MEAL, THE PATISSERIE. ECLAIR, ECLAIR. FOR LATER.

YOUR MEAL, THE PATISSERIE. ECLAIR, ECLAIR. FOR LATER. ARE YOU ENJOYING YOUR MEAL?

ECLAIR, ECLAIR. FOR LATER. ARE YOU ENJOYING YOUR MEAL? IS EVERYTHING SATISFACTORY?

ARE YOU ENJOYING YOUR MEAL? IS EVERYTHING SATISFACTORY? DELICIOUS.

IS EVERYTHING SATISFACTORY? DELICIOUS. OH!

DELICIOUS. OH! AND NOW, FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT, OUR

OH! AND NOW, FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT, OUR DAUGHTER FRANCINE WILL PLAY THE

AND NOW, FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT, OUR DAUGHTER FRANCINE WILL PLAY THE RECORDER.

DAUGHTER FRANCINE WILL PLAY THE RECORDER. [PLAYING DISCORDANTLY]

RECORDER. [PLAYING DISCORDANTLY] OH, PLEASE!

[PLAYING DISCORDANTLY] OH, PLEASE! ALL I NEED IS $35!

OH, PLEASE! ALL I NEED IS $35! IF YOU HAVE $20, PLEASE GIVE IT

ALL I NEED IS $35! IF YOU HAVE $20, PLEASE GIVE IT TO ME!

IF YOU HAVE $20, PLEASE GIVE IT TO ME! OH, MERCI!

TO ME! OH, MERCI! I HOPE YOU ARE ENJOYING THE

OH, MERCI! I HOPE YOU ARE ENJOYING THE MEAL.

I HOPE YOU ARE ENJOYING THE MEAL. GREAT!

MEAL. GREAT! MYSELF, FOR MYSELF... AND I

GREAT! MYSELF, FOR MYSELF... AND I SPEAK FOR MYSELF... I AM HAVING

MYSELF, FOR MYSELF... AND I SPEAK FOR MYSELF... I AM HAVING SOME TROUBLE IN THE KITCHEN.

SPEAK FOR MYSELF... I AM HAVING SOME TROUBLE IN THE KITCHEN. HAVING SOME TROUBLE WITH, HOW

SOME TROUBLE IN THE KITCHEN. HAVING SOME TROUBLE WITH, HOW YOU SAY, LE FOUR, THE STOVE.

HAVING SOME TROUBLE WITH, HOW YOU SAY, LE FOUR, THE STOVE. THE OVEN IS GIVING US SOME

YOU SAY, LE FOUR, THE STOVE. THE OVEN IS GIVING US SOME TROUBLE TONIGHT.

THE OVEN IS GIVING US SOME TROUBLE TONIGHT. HOW ARE YOUR CARROTS?

TROUBLE TONIGHT. HOW ARE YOUR CARROTS? GOOD TONIGHT FOR YOU?

HOW ARE YOUR CARROTS? GOOD TONIGHT FOR YOU? OH, NOT AS GOOD AS LAST WEEK,

GOOD TONIGHT FOR YOU? OH, NOT AS GOOD AS LAST WEEK, BECAUSE MY WIFE DOES NOT KNOW

OH, NOT AS GOOD AS LAST WEEK, BECAUSE MY WIFE DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO PREPARE A SAUCE, YOU SEE?

BECAUSE MY WIFE DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO PREPARE A SAUCE, YOU SEE? THESE CARROTS ARE NOT AS GOOD AS

HOW TO PREPARE A SAUCE, YOU SEE? THESE CARROTS ARE NOT AS GOOD AS LAST WEEK.

THESE CARROTS ARE NOT AS GOOD AS LAST WEEK. SHE IS SO STUPID SOMETIMES.

LAST WEEK. SHE IS SO STUPID SOMETIMES. SO, SO STUPID, MY WIFE.

SHE IS SO STUPID SOMETIMES. SO, SO STUPID, MY WIFE. SOMETIMES... YES, MY WI...

SO, SO STUPID, MY WIFE. SOMETIMES... YES, MY WI... AND HERE, THE CHECK.

SOMETIMES... YES, MY WI... AND HERE, THE CHECK. BUT DO NOT RUSH.

AND HERE, THE CHECK. BUT DO NOT RUSH. SIT, ENJOY YOUR MEAL, TAKE AS

BUT DO NOT RUSH. SIT, ENJOY YOUR MEAL, TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS YOU LIKE.

SIT, ENJOY YOUR MEAL, TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS YOU LIKE. AND FOR YOUR LISTENING

MUCH TIME AS YOU LIKE. AND FOR YOUR LISTENING PLEASURE, FRANCINE WILL ALWAYS

AND FOR YOUR LISTENING PLEASURE, FRANCINE WILL ALWAYS PLAY.

PLEASURE, FRANCINE WILL ALWAYS PLAY. THANK YOU.

PLAY. THANK YOU. HEY, NOW, THAT IS NOT BAD AT

THANK YOU. HEY, NOW, THAT IS NOT BAD AT ALL!

HI, I'M FRAN TARKENTON.

YOU KNOW, IT TAKES STRENGTH AND

STAMINA TO PLAY PRO FOOTBALL.

YOU NEED TO REPLACE LOTS OF LOST MUSCLE TISSUE FAST, AND SOMETIMES YOUR METABOLIC SYSTEM

MUSCLE TISSUE FAST, AND SOMETIMES YOUR METABOLIC SYSTEM JUST CAN'T PULL IT OFF ALONE.

SOMETIMES YOUR METABOLIC SYSTEM JUST CAN'T PULL IT OFF ALONE. THAT'S WHY I START EACH DAY WITH

JUST CAN'T PULL IT OFF ALONE. THAT'S WHY I START EACH DAY WITH A BIG BOWL OF SUGAR-FROSTED

THAT'S WHY I START EACH DAY WITH A BIG BOWL OF SUGAR-FROSTED ANABOLIC STEROIDS.

A BIG BOWL OF SUGAR-FROSTED ANABOLIC STEROIDS. THIS CEREAL IS A DELICIOUS

ANABOLIC STEROIDS. THIS CEREAL IS A DELICIOUS SYNTHETIC DERIVATIVE OF MALE

THIS CEREAL IS A DELICIOUS SYNTHETIC DERIVATIVE OF MALE HORMONES, AND IN ONE 8-OUNCE

SYNTHETIC DERIVATIVE OF MALE HORMONES, AND IN ONE 8-OUNCE BOWL, I GET MORE THAN MY BODY

HORMONES, AND IN ONE 8-OUNCE BOWL, I GET MORE THAN MY BODY WOULD PRODUCE IN THREE YEARS.

BOWL, I GET MORE THAN MY BODY WOULD PRODUCE IN THREE YEARS. THERE'S TESTOSTERONE FOR QUICK

WOULD PRODUCE IN THREE YEARS. THERE'S TESTOSTERONE FOR QUICK WEIGHT GAIN, STANOZOLOL TO BOOST

THERE'S TESTOSTERONE FOR QUICK WEIGHT GAIN, STANOZOLOL TO BOOST YOUR STRENGTH, AND THESE

WEIGHT GAIN, STANOZOLOL TO BOOST YOUR STRENGTH, AND THESE ANDROGENS TO HELP PROMOTE

YOUR STRENGTH, AND THESE ANDROGENS TO HELP PROMOTE AGGRESSIVENESS AND TURN YOUR

ANDROGENS TO HELP PROMOTE AGGRESSIVENESS AND TURN YOUR GRAPES INTO RAISINS.

AGGRESSIVENESS AND TURN YOUR GRAPES INTO RAISINS. BUT THE BEST PART HAS GOT TO BE

GRAPES INTO RAISINS. BUT THE BEST PART HAS GOT TO BE THE TASTE.

BUT THE BEST PART HAS GOT TO BE THE TASTE. IT'S GREAT WITH MILK OR RIGHT

THE TASTE. IT'S GREAT WITH MILK OR RIGHT FROM THE BOX.

IT'S GREAT WITH MILK OR RIGHT FROM THE BOX. UH-HUH.

FROM THE BOX. UH-HUH. MMM.

UH-HUH. MMM. IT'S LIGHTLY SWEETENED AND

MMM. IT'S LIGHTLY SWEETENED AND MIXED WITH CHEWY MARSHMALLOW

IT'S LIGHTLY SWEETENED AND MIXED WITH CHEWY MARSHMALLOW MAGNESIUM BITS TO HELP SLOW

MIXED WITH CHEWY MARSHMALLOW MAGNESIUM BITS TO HELP SLOW SUDDEN MUSCLE DECAY.

MAGNESIUM BITS TO HELP SLOW SUDDEN MUSCLE DECAY. SO, WHETHER YOU'RE A

SUDDEN MUSCLE DECAY. SO, WHETHER YOU'RE A PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE OR JUST A

SO, WHETHER YOU'RE A PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE OR JUST A HOUSEWIFE, ALTER YOUR METABOLISM

PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE OR JUST A HOUSEWIFE, ALTER YOUR METABOLISM THE WAY THE PROS DO WITH

HOUSEWIFE, ALTER YOUR METABOLISM THE WAY THE PROS DO WITH SUGAR-FROSTED ANABOLIC STEROIDS,

THE WAY THE PROS DO WITH SUGAR-FROSTED ANABOLIC STEROIDS, THE MALE HORMONE CEREAL.

SUGAR-FROSTED ANABOLIC STEROIDS, THE MALE HORMONE CEREAL. OH, I ALMOST FORGOT.

THE MALE HORMONE CEREAL. OH, I ALMOST FORGOT. KIDS LIKE IT, TOO.

OH, I ALMOST FORGOT. KIDS LIKE IT, TOO. Announcer: SUGAR-FROSTED

KIDS LIKE IT, TOO. Announcer: SUGAR-FROSTED ANABOLIC STEROIDS, THE OFFICIAL

Announcer: SUGAR-FROSTED ANABOLIC STEROIDS, THE OFFICIAL CEREAL OF THE SOVIET WOMEN'S

ANABOLIC STEROIDS, THE OFFICIAL CEREAL OF THE SOVIET WOMEN'S OLYMPIC SHOT-PUT TEAM.

Announcer: AND NOW "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH JANE CURTIN.

"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH JANE CURTIN. BEFORE I BEGIN MY REGULAR

JANE CURTIN. BEFORE I BEGIN MY REGULAR NEWS BROADCAST TONIGHT, I WOULD

BEFORE I BEGIN MY REGULAR NEWS BROADCAST TONIGHT, I WOULD LIKE TO READ YOU A LETTER.

NEWS BROADCAST TONIGHT, I WOULD LIKE TO READ YOU A LETTER. "DEAR JANE CURTIN, I CERTAINLY

LIKE TO READ YOU A LETTER. "DEAR JANE CURTIN, I CERTAINLY MISS CHEVY.

"DEAR JANE CURTIN, I CERTAINLY MISS CHEVY. HE IS REAL SEXY.

MISS CHEVY. HE IS REAL SEXY. YOU CAN'T HOLD A CANDLE TO HIM.

HE IS REAL SEXY. YOU CAN'T HOLD A CANDLE TO HIM. WOULD YOU PLEASE SEND ME HIS

YOU CAN'T HOLD A CANDLE TO HIM. WOULD YOU PLEASE SEND ME HIS PHOTOGRAPH?

WOULD YOU PLEASE SEND ME HIS PHOTOGRAPH? YOURS SINCERELY,

PHOTOGRAPH? YOURS SINCERELY, MARGIE KAUFMAN."

YOURS SINCERELY, MARGIE KAUFMAN." I'VE BEEN GETTING LETTERS ABOUT

MARGIE KAUFMAN." I'VE BEEN GETTING LETTERS ABOUT "NEWS UPDATE" LATELY WITH

I'VE BEEN GETTING LETTERS ABOUT "NEWS UPDATE" LATELY WITH PHRASES LIKE "GOING DOWNHILL,"

"NEWS UPDATE" LATELY WITH PHRASES LIKE "GOING DOWNHILL," "NOT WHAT IT USED TO BE," AND

PHRASES LIKE "GOING DOWNHILL," "NOT WHAT IT USED TO BE," AND "JUST PLAIN BORING."

"NOT WHAT IT USED TO BE," AND "JUST PLAIN BORING." MOSTLY THE LETTERS ARE ABOUT HOW

"JUST PLAIN BORING." MOSTLY THE LETTERS ARE ABOUT HOW "UPDATE" ISN'T AS GOOD AS WHEN

MOSTLY THE LETTERS ARE ABOUT HOW "UPDATE" ISN'T AS GOOD AS WHEN THAT "SEXY CHEVY CHASE" DID IT.

"UPDATE" ISN'T AS GOOD AS WHEN THAT "SEXY CHEVY CHASE" DID IT. THE NETWORK SAYS THE RATINGS ARE

THAT "SEXY CHEVY CHASE" DID IT. THE NETWORK SAYS THE RATINGS ARE SLIPPING, AND THEY'RE PUTTING A

THE NETWORK SAYS THE RATINGS ARE SLIPPING, AND THEY'RE PUTTING A LOT OF PRESSURE ON LORNE TO TRY

SLIPPING, AND THEY'RE PUTTING A LOT OF PRESSURE ON LORNE TO TRY SOMEBODY NEW, LIKE THAT NEW KID

LOT OF PRESSURE ON LORNE TO TRY SOMEBODY NEW, LIKE THAT NEW KID MURRAY OR WHATEVER HIS NAME IS.

SOMEBODY NEW, LIKE THAT NEW KID MURRAY OR WHATEVER HIS NAME IS. YOU SEE, I JUST ASSUMED THAT IT

MURRAY OR WHATEVER HIS NAME IS. YOU SEE, I JUST ASSUMED THAT IT WAS RESPONSIBLE JOURNALISM YOU

YOU SEE, I JUST ASSUMED THAT IT WAS RESPONSIBLE JOURNALISM YOU WANTED, NOT SEX.

WAS RESPONSIBLE JOURNALISM YOU WANTED, NOT SEX. I GAVE YOU MORE CREDIT THAN

WANTED, NOT SEX. I GAVE YOU MORE CREDIT THAN THAT.

I GAVE YOU MORE CREDIT THAN THAT. BUT I WAS WRONG.

THAT. BUT I WAS WRONG. WHAT CAN I SAY BESIDES...

BUT I WAS WRONG. WHAT CAN I SAY BESIDES... TRY THESE ON FOR SIZE,

WHAT CAN I SAY BESIDES... TRY THESE ON FOR SIZE, CONNIE CHUNG!

TRY THESE ON FOR SIZE, CONNIE CHUNG! IF IT'S RAW THRILLS YOU WANT,

CONNIE CHUNG! IF IT'S RAW THRILLS YOU WANT, IT'S RAW THRILLS YOU'LL GET.

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... FOLLOWING THE VATICAN DECLARATION THAT WOMEN CANNOT

FOLLOWING THE VATICAN DECLARATION THAT WOMEN CANNOT BECOME PRIESTS BECAUSE THEY DO

DECLARATION THAT WOMEN CANNOT BECOME PRIESTS BECAUSE THEY DO NOT RESEMBLE CHRIST, SOURCES

BECOME PRIESTS BECAUSE THEY DO NOT RESEMBLE CHRIST, SOURCES REPORT THAT COLONEL SANDERS HAS

NOT RESEMBLE CHRIST, SOURCES REPORT THAT COLONEL SANDERS HAS DECLARED THAT HE WILL NOT EMPLOY

REPORT THAT COLONEL SANDERS HAS DECLARED THAT HE WILL NOT EMPLOY ANYONE THAT DOES NOT RESEMBLE A

DECLARED THAT HE WILL NOT EMPLOY ANYONE THAT DOES NOT RESEMBLE A CHICKEN.

ANYONE THAT DOES NOT RESEMBLE A CHICKEN. WELL, EVERYBODY TALKS ABOUT THE

CHICKEN. WELL, EVERYBODY TALKS ABOUT THE WEATHER, ESPECIALLY THIS COLD

WELL, EVERYBODY TALKS ABOUT THE WEATHER, ESPECIALLY THIS COLD WINTER, BUT MANY TIMES THEY ARE

WEATHER, ESPECIALLY THIS COLD WINTER, BUT MANY TIMES THEY ARE INACCURATE.

WINTER, BUT MANY TIMES THEY ARE INACCURATE. AS SPOKESPERSON FOR THE

INACCURATE. AS SPOKESPERSON FOR THE ASSOCIATION OF AMERICAN

AS SPOKESPERSON FOR THE ASSOCIATION OF AMERICAN WITCHES AND WARLOCKS SAID TODAY,

ASSOCIATION OF AMERICAN WITCHES AND WARLOCKS SAID TODAY, "A WITCH'S... BREAST IS NO COLDER

WITCHES AND WARLOCKS SAID TODAY, "A WITCH'S... BREAST IS NO COLDER THAN THE AVERAGE AMERICAN

"A WITCH'S... BREAST IS NO COLDER THAN THE AVERAGE AMERICAN WOMAN'S BREAST."

THAN THE AVERAGE AMERICAN WOMAN'S BREAST." MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT

WOMAN'S BREAST." MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT DEVELOPS.

MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT DEVELOPS. SINCE JIMMY CARTER HAS BEEN IN

DEVELOPS. SINCE JIMMY CARTER HAS BEEN IN THE WHITE HOUSE, THE TELEPHONE

SINCE JIMMY CARTER HAS BEEN IN THE WHITE HOUSE, THE TELEPHONE SWITCHBOARDS THERE HAVE BEEN

THE WHITE HOUSE, THE TELEPHONE SWITCHBOARDS THERE HAVE BEEN JAMMED WITH 80,000 CALLS A DAY.

SWITCHBOARDS THERE HAVE BEEN JAMMED WITH 80,000 CALLS A DAY. OPERATORS SAY THAT 1,000 ARE

JAMMED WITH 80,000 CALLS A DAY. OPERATORS SAY THAT 1,000 ARE OFFICIAL BUSINESS AND 79,000 ARE

OPERATORS SAY THAT 1,000 ARE OFFICIAL BUSINESS AND 79,000 ARE OBSCENE PHONE CALLS TRACED TO A

OFFICIAL BUSINESS AND 79,000 ARE OBSCENE PHONE CALLS TRACED TO A PHONE BOOTH IN SAN CLEMENTE,

OBSCENE PHONE CALLS TRACED TO A PHONE BOOTH IN SAN CLEMENTE, CALIFORNIA.

PHONE BOOTH IN SAN CLEMENTE, CALIFORNIA. IN A SHATTERING LANDMARK RULING,

CALIFORNIA. IN A SHATTERING LANDMARK RULING, THE SWEDISH GOVERNMENT HAS

IN A SHATTERING LANDMARK RULING, THE SWEDISH GOVERNMENT HAS RELEASED THIS STATEMENT...

THE SWEDISH GOVERNMENT HAS RELEASED THIS STATEMENT... [SPEAKING SWEDISH]

RELEASED THIS STATEMENT... [SPEAKING SWEDISH] THE UNITED STATES ARMY HAS

[SPEAKING SWEDISH] THE UNITED STATES ARMY HAS ANNOUNCED THAT IT HAS DEVELOPED

THE UNITED STATES ARMY HAS ANNOUNCED THAT IT HAS DEVELOPED A CRUISE MISSILE IN RETALIATION

ANNOUNCED THAT IT HAS DEVELOPED A CRUISE MISSILE IN RETALIATION TO A SIMILAR WEAPON BUILT BY THE

A CRUISE MISSILE IN RETALIATION TO A SIMILAR WEAPON BUILT BY THE SOVIET UNION.

TO A SIMILAR WEAPON BUILT BY THE SOVIET UNION. THE ARMY IS SPENDING

SOVIET UNION. THE ARMY IS SPENDING $2.6 BILLION FOR THIS MISSILE

THE ARMY IS SPENDING $2.6 BILLION FOR THIS MISSILE THAT TRACKS DOWN ITS TARGET NO

$2.6 BILLION FOR THIS MISSILE THAT TRACKS DOWN ITS TARGET NO MATTER WHERE IT IS.

THAT TRACKS DOWN ITS TARGET NO MATTER WHERE IT IS. "WEEKEND UPDATE" WAS ABLE TO

MATTER WHERE IT IS. "WEEKEND UPDATE" WAS ABLE TO SNEAK ITS CAMERAS INTO THE

"WEEKEND UPDATE" WAS ABLE TO SNEAK ITS CAMERAS INTO THE TESTING SITE IN THE NEVADA

SNEAK ITS CAMERAS INTO THE TESTING SITE IN THE NEVADA FLATS AND OBTAINED THIS FOOTAGE

TESTING SITE IN THE NEVADA FLATS AND OBTAINED THIS FOOTAGE OF THE FIRST TRIAL LAUNCHING OF

FLATS AND OBTAINED THIS FOOTAGE OF THE FIRST TRIAL LAUNCHING OF THE CRUISE MISSILE.

OF THE FIRST TRIAL LAUNCHING OF THE CRUISE MISSILE. THERE'S THE LAUNCH, AND THE

THE CRUISE MISSILE. THERE'S THE LAUNCH, AND THE CRUISE MISSILE IS OFF!

THERE'S THE LAUNCH, AND THE CRUISE MISSILE IS OFF! AH, IT SPOTS ITS TARGET.

CRUISE MISSILE IS OFF! AH, IT SPOTS ITS TARGET. THERE IT GOES.

AH, IT SPOTS ITS TARGET. THERE IT GOES. THERE'S JUST NO STOPPING THIS

THERE IT GOES. THERE'S JUST NO STOPPING THIS CRUISE MISSILE, FOLKS!

THERE'S JUST NO STOPPING THIS CRUISE MISSILE, FOLKS! $2.6 BILLION!

CRUISE MISSILE, FOLKS! $2.6 BILLION! IN PURSUIT OF ITS TARGET.

$2.6 BILLION! IN PURSUIT OF ITS TARGET. IT'S A HEAT-SEEKING DEVICE THAT

IN PURSUIT OF ITS TARGET. IT'S A HEAT-SEEKING DEVICE THAT ALWAYS GET ITS MAN AND

IT'S A HEAT-SEEKING DEVICE THAT ALWAYS GET ITS MAN AND SOMETIMES ITS WOMAN.

ALWAYS GET ITS MAN AND SOMETIMES ITS WOMAN. $2.6 BILLION.

SOMETIMES ITS WOMAN. $2.6 BILLION. HONK HONK. LOOK OUT.

$2.6 BILLION. HONK HONK. LOOK OUT. IT'S THE CRUISE MISSILE.

HONK HONK. LOOK OUT. IT'S THE CRUISE MISSILE. STILL TO COME... JIMMY CARTER

IT'S THE CRUISE MISSILE. STILL TO COME... JIMMY CARTER LIKES AMY'S FRIENDS, AFTER THIS

STILL TO COME... JIMMY CARTER LIKES AMY'S FRIENDS, AFTER THIS MESSAGE.

HI, I'M FRAN TARKENTON. THAT WAS A GREAT MOMENT FOR ME. AND THIS WAS ANOTHER GREAT

THAT WAS A GREAT MOMENT FOR ME. AND THIS WAS ANOTHER GREAT MOMENT.

AND THIS WAS ANOTHER GREAT MOMENT. THIS IS JOHN BELUSHI.

MOMENT. THIS IS JOHN BELUSHI. UNTIL RECENTLY, JOHN WAS AN

THIS IS JOHN BELUSHI. UNTIL RECENTLY, JOHN WAS AN ACTOR OF SOME PROMISE.

UNTIL RECENTLY, JOHN WAS AN ACTOR OF SOME PROMISE. THEN DRUGS DESTROYED HIS MIND.

ACTOR OF SOME PROMISE. THEN DRUGS DESTROYED HIS MIND. BUT YOUR DOLLARS HAVE HELPED.

THEN DRUGS DESTROYED HIS MIND. BUT YOUR DOLLARS HAVE HELPED. THROUGH CARE AND DEDICATION,

BUT YOUR DOLLARS HAVE HELPED. THROUGH CARE AND DEDICATION, JOHN HAS BEEN REHABILITATED TO

THROUGH CARE AND DEDICATION, JOHN HAS BEEN REHABILITATED TO THE POINT WHERE HE SEES SHADOWS

JOHN HAS BEEN REHABILITATED TO THE POINT WHERE HE SEES SHADOWS AND CAN NAME THREE COUNTRIES.

THE POINT WHERE HE SEES SHADOWS AND CAN NAME THREE COUNTRIES. GO AHEAD, JOHN.

AND CAN NAME THREE COUNTRIES. GO AHEAD, JOHN. BELGIUM, BELGIUM, AND

GO AHEAD, JOHN. BELGIUM, BELGIUM, AND KANSAS CITY.

BELGIUM, BELGIUM, AND KANSAS CITY. GOOD BOY.

KANSAS CITY. GOOD BOY. NOW, TELL THE PEOPLE ABOUT THE

GOOD BOY. NOW, TELL THE PEOPLE ABOUT THE SPECIAL PROGRAM THEY PUT YOU ON.

NOW, TELL THE PEOPLE ABOUT THE SPECIAL PROGRAM THEY PUT YOU ON. FIRST I GET UP IN THE

SPECIAL PROGRAM THEY PUT YOU ON. FIRST I GET UP IN THE MORNING, AND I GET MY SHOT.

FIRST I GET UP IN THE MORNING, AND I GET MY SHOT. THEN THEY PUT ME ON A SPECIAL

MORNING, AND I GET MY SHOT. THEN THEY PUT ME ON A SPECIAL BUS AND...

THEN THEY PUT ME ON A SPECIAL BUS AND... AND THEN THEY TAKE ME TO THE

BUS AND... AND THEN THEY TAKE ME TO THE PARK THAT HAS RUBBER WALLS.

AND THEN THEY TAKE ME TO THE PARK THAT HAS RUBBER WALLS. AND I SEE A FILM.

PARK THAT HAS RUBBER WALLS. AND I SEE A FILM. AND ON SUNDAYS, I HAVE MILK.

AND I SEE A FILM. AND ON SUNDAYS, I HAVE MILK. GOOD BOY, JOHN. GOOD BOY.

COMMUNITY APPEAL.

THANKS TO YOU, HE'S WORKING.

HI. FORMER PRESIDENT GERALD FORD ENJOYED A ROUND OF GOLF TODAY

FORMER PRESIDENT GERALD FORD ENJOYED A ROUND OF GOLF TODAY NEAR HIS PALM SPRINGS HOME.

ENJOYED A ROUND OF GOLF TODAY NEAR HIS PALM SPRINGS HOME. WHEN A REPORTER ASKED HIM

NEAR HIS PALM SPRINGS HOME. WHEN A REPORTER ASKED HIM WHETHER HE REGRETS NOT BEING THE

WHEN A REPORTER ASKED HIM WHETHER HE REGRETS NOT BEING THE CHIEF EXECUTIVE, FORD SAID, "I'M

WHETHER HE REGRETS NOT BEING THE CHIEF EXECUTIVE, FORD SAID, "I'M GLAD I AM NOT THE CHIEF

CHIEF EXECUTIVE, FORD SAID, "I'M GLAD I AM NOT THE CHIEF EXECUTIVE OR THE PRESIDENT

GLAD I AM NOT THE CHIEF EXECUTIVE OR THE PRESIDENT BECAUSE THEN THERE WOULD BE TWO

EXECUTIVE OR THE PRESIDENT BECAUSE THEN THERE WOULD BE TWO PRESIDENTS.

BECAUSE THEN THERE WOULD BE TWO PRESIDENTS. I BELIEVE IN THE ONE-PRESIDENT

PRESIDENTS. I BELIEVE IN THE ONE-PRESIDENT SYSTEM."

I BELIEVE IN THE ONE-PRESIDENT SYSTEM." IN THE WAKE OF THE PHENOMENAL

SYSTEM." IN THE WAKE OF THE PHENOMENAL SUCCESS OF THE TV PRODUCTION OF

IN THE WAKE OF THE PHENOMENAL SUCCESS OF THE TV PRODUCTION OF "ROOTS," BASED ON ALEX HALEY'S

SUCCESS OF THE TV PRODUCTION OF "ROOTS," BASED ON ALEX HALEY'S BESTSELLER, MR. HALEY HAS

"ROOTS," BASED ON ALEX HALEY'S BESTSELLER, MR. HALEY HAS REPORTEDLY REVEALED A MISTAKE IN

BESTSELLER, MR. HALEY HAS REPORTEDLY REVEALED A MISTAKE IN HIS RESEARCH OF HIS FAMILY

REPORTEDLY REVEALED A MISTAKE IN HIS RESEARCH OF HIS FAMILY ORIGINS.

HIS RESEARCH OF HIS FAMILY ORIGINS. INSTEAD OF TRACING HIMSELF BACK

ORIGINS. INSTEAD OF TRACING HIMSELF BACK TO AN 18th-CENTURY AFRICAN

INSTEAD OF TRACING HIMSELF BACK TO AN 18th-CENTURY AFRICAN KUNTA KINTE, HALEY SAYS HE GOES

TO AN 18th-CENTURY AFRICAN KUNTA KINTE, HALEY SAYS HE GOES BACK ONLY AS FAR AS THE 1930s

KUNTA KINTE, HALEY SAYS HE GOES BACK ONLY AS FAR AS THE 1930s VOCAL GROUP THE INK SPOTS.

BACK ONLY AS FAR AS THE 1930s VOCAL GROUP THE INK SPOTS. HALEY HAS APOLOGIZED TO HIS

VOCAL GROUP THE INK SPOTS. HALEY HAS APOLOGIZED TO HIS PUBLISHER AND TO THE AMERICAN

HALEY HAS APOLOGIZED TO HIS PUBLISHER AND TO THE AMERICAN BROADCAST COMPANY...

PUBLISHER AND TO THE AMERICAN BROADCAST COMPANY... AND, FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON,

BROADCAST COMPANY... AND, FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON, SHIRLEY TEMPLE BLACK.

AND, FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON, SHIRLEY TEMPLE BLACK. I DON'T KNOW WHY.

"WEEKEND UPDATE" WOULD LIKE TO CORRECT A MISTAKE IN ONE OF OUR NEWS ITEMS LAST WEEK.

CORRECT A MISTAKE IN ONE OF OUR NEWS ITEMS LAST WEEK. IN A PROFILE OF

NEWS ITEMS LAST WEEK. IN A PROFILE OF MAMIE EISENHOWER, WE

IN A PROFILE OF MAMIE EISENHOWER, WE INADVERTENTLY REPORTED THAT SHE

MAMIE EISENHOWER, WE INADVERTENTLY REPORTED THAT SHE ONCE KNOCKED OUT FLOYD PATTERSON

INADVERTENTLY REPORTED THAT SHE ONCE KNOCKED OUT FLOYD PATTERSON TO WIN THE HEAVYWEIGHT CROWN.

ONCE KNOCKED OUT FLOYD PATTERSON TO WIN THE HEAVYWEIGHT CROWN. WELL, WE STAND CORRECTED.

TO WIN THE HEAVYWEIGHT CROWN. WELL, WE STAND CORRECTED. OUR FINAL STORY TONIGHT... I'M

WELL, WE STAND CORRECTED. OUR FINAL STORY TONIGHT... I'M JUST OVERWHELMING YOU, AREN'T I?

OUR FINAL STORY TONIGHT... I'M JUST OVERWHELMING YOU, AREN'T I? DESPITE THE FACT THAT THIS IS

JUST OVERWHELMING YOU, AREN'T I? DESPITE THE FACT THAT THIS IS THE COLDEST WINTER IN YEARS AND

DESPITE THE FACT THAT THIS IS THE COLDEST WINTER IN YEARS AND THAT, WITH THE CHILL FACTOR,

THE COLDEST WINTER IN YEARS AND THAT, WITH THE CHILL FACTOR, TEMPERATURES HAVE BEEN WELL

THAT, WITH THE CHILL FACTOR, TEMPERATURES HAVE BEEN WELL BELOW ZERO, THE MEMBERS OF

TEMPERATURES HAVE BEEN WELL BELOW ZERO, THE MEMBERS OF NEW YORK'S FAMED POLAR BEAR CLUB

BELOW ZERO, THE MEMBERS OF NEW YORK'S FAMED POLAR BEAR CLUB WERE NOT DISCOURAGED FROM TAKING

NEW YORK'S FAMED POLAR BEAR CLUB WERE NOT DISCOURAGED FROM TAKING AN EARLY-MORNING SWIM TODAY.

WERE NOT DISCOURAGED FROM TAKING AN EARLY-MORNING SWIM TODAY. 16 MEMBERS ENTERED THE FRIGID

AN EARLY-MORNING SWIM TODAY. 16 MEMBERS ENTERED THE FRIGID WATERS OFF CONEY ISLAND THIS

16 MEMBERS ENTERED THE FRIGID WATERS OFF CONEY ISLAND THIS MORNING, CLAD ONLY IN BATHING

WATERS OFF CONEY ISLAND THIS MORNING, CLAD ONLY IN BATHING SUITS TO PROVE THAT THEY COULD

MORNING, CLAD ONLY IN BATHING SUITS TO PROVE THAT THEY COULD BRAVE EVEN THE ROUGHEST OF

SUITS TO PROVE THAT THEY COULD BRAVE EVEN THE ROUGHEST OF ELEMENTS.

BRAVE EVEN THE ROUGHEST OF ELEMENTS. ONE HUMOROUS NOTE... ALL 16

ELEMENTS. ONE HUMOROUS NOTE... ALL 16 MEMBERS FROZE TO DEATH.

ONE HUMOROUS NOTE... ALL 16 MEMBERS FROZE TO DEATH. GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT

MEMBERS FROZE TO DEATH. GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW.

OH, SO, THIS IS YOUR ROOM. YEAH. ROOM 411. IT'S MY LAST NIGHT HERE.

YEAH. ROOM 411. IT'S MY LAST NIGHT HERE. WOW, IT'S REALLY INCREDIBLE

IT'S MY LAST NIGHT HERE. WOW, IT'S REALLY INCREDIBLE RUNNING INTO YOU AFTER THE

WOW, IT'S REALLY INCREDIBLE RUNNING INTO YOU AFTER THE SUPER BOWL, YOU KNOW?

RUNNING INTO YOU AFTER THE SUPER BOWL, YOU KNOW? I MEAN, IT WAS OUTRAGEOUS.

SUPER BOWL, YOU KNOW? I MEAN, IT WAS OUTRAGEOUS. I THOUGHT TO MYSELF,

I MEAN, IT WAS OUTRAGEOUS. I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, "FRAN TARKENTON IN THIS BAR ALL

I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, "FRAN TARKENTON IN THIS BAR ALL ALONE WITH ALL THAT ENERGY TO

"FRAN TARKENTON IN THIS BAR ALL ALONE WITH ALL THAT ENERGY TO EXPEND."

ALONE WITH ALL THAT ENERGY TO EXPEND." YEAH, WELL, I'M BEAT.

EXPEND." YEAH, WELL, I'M BEAT. I'M ABOUT READY TO CRASH.

YEAH, WELL, I'M BEAT. I'M ABOUT READY TO CRASH. REALLY?

I'M ABOUT READY TO CRASH. REALLY? I COULD TALK ALL NIGHT, MAN.

REALLY? I COULD TALK ALL NIGHT, MAN. IT'S LIKE, DID I EVER TELL

I COULD TALK ALL NIGHT, MAN. IT'S LIKE, DID I EVER TELL YOU... NO, I COULDN'T HAVE.

IT'S LIKE, DID I EVER TELL YOU... NO, I COULDN'T HAVE. WE JUST MET... ABOUT WHEN I WAS

YOU... NO, I COULDN'T HAVE. WE JUST MET... ABOUT WHEN I WAS IN THE FOURTH GRADE, YOU KNOW?

WE JUST MET... ABOUT WHEN I WAS IN THE FOURTH GRADE, YOU KNOW? AND THIS GIRL, JEAN BROMBERG,

IN THE FOURTH GRADE, YOU KNOW? AND THIS GIRL, JEAN BROMBERG, HAD A FLY ON HER, YOU KNOW?

AND THIS GIRL, JEAN BROMBERG, HAD A FLY ON HER, YOU KNOW? AND, LIKE, IT REALLY BLEW ME

HAD A FLY ON HER, YOU KNOW? AND, LIKE, IT REALLY BLEW ME AWAY 'CAUSE SHE DIDN'T KNOW IT,

AND, LIKE, IT REALLY BLEW ME AWAY 'CAUSE SHE DIDN'T KNOW IT, MAN.

AWAY 'CAUSE SHE DIDN'T KNOW IT, MAN. AND I THOUGHT, "WELL, IF I HAD A

MAN. AND I THOUGHT, "WELL, IF I HAD A FLY ON ME, I WOULD KNOW IT," YOU

AND I THOUGHT, "WELL, IF I HAD A FLY ON ME, I WOULD KNOW IT," YOU KNOW?

FLY ON ME, I WOULD KNOW IT," YOU KNOW? AND THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED THAT

KNOW? AND THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED THAT I SAW THINGS AND FELT THINGS ON

AND THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED THAT I SAW THINGS AND FELT THINGS ON A MUCH DEEPER LEVEL THAN MOST

I SAW THINGS AND FELT THINGS ON A MUCH DEEPER LEVEL THAN MOST PEOPLE.

A MUCH DEEPER LEVEL THAN MOST PEOPLE. UH... UH... TIME-OUT.

PEOPLE. UH... UH... TIME-OUT. TIME-OUT.

UH... UH... TIME-OUT. TIME-OUT. [WHISTLE BLOWS]

TIME-OUT. [WHISTLE BLOWS] WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE TARKENTON

[WHISTLE BLOWS] WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE TARKENTON HAS CALLED TIME-OUT.

WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE TARKENTON HAS CALLED TIME-OUT. HE'S HEADING FOR THE SIDELINES

HAS CALLED TIME-OUT. HE'S HEADING FOR THE SIDELINES TO TALK OVER THE SITUATION WITH

HE'S HEADING FOR THE SIDELINES TO TALK OVER THE SITUATION WITH COACH JOHN BELUSHI.

TO TALK OVER THE SITUATION WITH COACH JOHN BELUSHI. YOU KNOW, BELUSHI'S KNOWN AS A

COACH JOHN BELUSHI. YOU KNOW, BELUSHI'S KNOWN AS A VERY EVEN-TEMPERED, KIND OF A

YOU KNOW, BELUSHI'S KNOWN AS A VERY EVEN-TEMPERED, KIND OF A STOIC KIND OF A GUY, BUT HE'S

VERY EVEN-TEMPERED, KIND OF A STOIC KIND OF A GUY, BUT HE'S GOT ONE OF THE WINNINGEST

STOIC KIND OF A GUY, BUT HE'S GOT ONE OF THE WINNINGEST RECORDS IN THE ENTIRE NETWORK.

GOT ONE OF THE WINNINGEST RECORDS IN THE ENTIRE NETWORK. SO, HE'S THE KIND OF GUY YOU'RE

RECORDS IN THE ENTIRE NETWORK. SO, HE'S THE KIND OF GUY YOU'RE NOT GONNA LET LOOSE OR THE KIND

SO, HE'S THE KIND OF GUY YOU'RE NOT GONNA LET LOOSE OR THE KIND OF GUY YOU'RE GONNA PAY A LOT OF

NOT GONNA LET LOOSE OR THE KIND OF GUY YOU'RE GONNA PAY A LOT OF ATTENTION TO.

OF GUY YOU'RE GONNA PAY A LOT OF ATTENTION TO. IT LOOKS LIKE THEY DECIDED ON

ATTENTION TO. IT LOOKS LIKE THEY DECIDED ON SOME KIND OF PLAN OF ACTION OVER

IT LOOKS LIKE THEY DECIDED ON SOME KIND OF PLAN OF ACTION OVER THERE, BUT... NOW, WAIT A

SOME KIND OF PLAN OF ACTION OVER THERE, BUT... NOW, WAIT A SECOND.

THERE, BUT... NOW, WAIT A SECOND. IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S GOING BACK TO

SECOND. IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S GOING BACK TO THE SIDELINES.

IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S GOING BACK TO THE SIDELINES. APPARENTLY THEY'RE GONNA

THE SIDELINES. APPARENTLY THEY'RE GONNA DOUBLE-CHECK ON SOMETHING.

APPARENTLY THEY'RE GONNA DOUBLE-CHECK ON SOMETHING. YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANY KIND

DOUBLE-CHECK ON SOMETHING. YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANY KIND OF MISCOMMUNICATION AT THIS

YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANY KIND OF MISCOMMUNICATION AT THIS STAGE.

OF MISCOMMUNICATION AT THIS STAGE. CERTAINLY YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE

STAGE. CERTAINLY YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT THERE'S NO

CERTAINLY YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT THERE'S NO MISINTERPRETATION OF ANYTHING

THAT THERE'S NO MISINTERPRETATION OF ANYTHING THAT'S GOING ON.

MISINTERPRETATION OF ANYTHING THAT'S GOING ON. YOU KNOW, TARKENTON, THEY CALL

THAT'S GOING ON. YOU KNOW, TARKENTON, THEY CALL HIM THE LITTLEST VIKING, BUT IT

YOU KNOW, TARKENTON, THEY CALL HIM THE LITTLEST VIKING, BUT IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT HE'S GOT A

HIM THE LITTLEST VIKING, BUT IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT HE'S GOT A HUGE, HUGE OLDSMOBILE THAT HE

JUST SO HAPPENS THAT HE'S GOT A HUGE, HUGE OLDSMOBILE THAT HE LIKES TO DRIVE AROUND AND JUST

HUGE, HUGE OLDSMOBILE THAT HE LIKES TO DRIVE AROUND AND JUST RUN INTO PARKING METERS.

LIKES TO DRIVE AROUND AND JUST RUN INTO PARKING METERS. IT'S A FUNNY STORY, BUT WE CAN'T

RUN INTO PARKING METERS. IT'S A FUNNY STORY, BUT WE CAN'T TELL IT NOW.

IT'S A FUNNY STORY, BUT WE CAN'T TELL IT NOW. HE SEEMS TO BE CONFIDENT NOW,

TELL IT NOW. HE SEEMS TO BE CONFIDENT NOW, AND HE'S RUNNING BACK FOR HIS

HE SEEMS TO BE CONFIDENT NOW, AND HE'S RUNNING BACK FOR HIS NEXT MOVE.

AND HE'S RUNNING BACK FOR HIS NEXT MOVE. [WHISTLE BLOWS]

NEXT MOVE. [WHISTLE BLOWS] HOW ABOUT A DRINK?

[WHISTLE BLOWS] HOW ABOUT A DRINK? OH, THANK YOU.

HOW ABOUT A DRINK? OH, THANK YOU. YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY WEIRD THE

OH, THANK YOU. YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY WEIRD THE WAY HAIR COLLECTS IN MY

YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY WEIRD THE WAY HAIR COLLECTS IN MY HAIRBRUSH.

WAY HAIR COLLECTS IN MY HAIRBRUSH. YEAH, UH, THERE.

HAIRBRUSH. YEAH, UH, THERE. THAT'S BETTER.

YEAH, UH, THERE. THAT'S BETTER. LIKE, MAYBE YOU NEVER THOUGHT

THAT'S BETTER. LIKE, MAYBE YOU NEVER THOUGHT OF IT THIS WAY, BUT, LIKE,

LIKE, MAYBE YOU NEVER THOUGHT OF IT THIS WAY, BUT, LIKE, FOOTBALL'S SUCH A TERRITORIAL

OF IT THIS WAY, BUT, LIKE, FOOTBALL'S SUCH A TERRITORIAL THING.

FOOTBALL'S SUCH A TERRITORIAL THING. I PERCEIVE IT AS A VERY MALE

THING. I PERCEIVE IT AS A VERY MALE TRIP.

I PERCEIVE IT AS A VERY MALE TRIP. YEAH, IT CAN GET PRETTY ROUGH

TRIP. YEAH, IT CAN GET PRETTY ROUGH OUT THERE.

YEAH, IT CAN GET PRETTY ROUGH OUT THERE. OH, I HATE VIOLENCE.

OUT THERE. OH, I HATE VIOLENCE. I REALLY HATE IT.

OH, I HATE VIOLENCE. I REALLY HATE IT. I MEAN, I'M SO SENSITIVE, YOU

I REALLY HATE IT. I MEAN, I'M SO SENSITIVE, YOU KNOW?

I MEAN, I'M SO SENSITIVE, YOU KNOW? AND, YOU KNOW, A LOT OF WOMEN

KNOW? AND, YOU KNOW, A LOT OF WOMEN DON'T LIKE ME.

AND, YOU KNOW, A LOT OF WOMEN DON'T LIKE ME. I MEAN, YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHY.

DON'T LIKE ME. I MEAN, YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHY. AND, LIKE, IT REALLY DEPRESSES

I MEAN, YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHY. AND, LIKE, IT REALLY DEPRESSES ME.

AND, LIKE, IT REALLY DEPRESSES ME. I MEAN, SOMETIMES I WOULD LIKE

ME. I MEAN, SOMETIMES I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE A RAZOR BLADE AND SLICE

I MEAN, SOMETIMES I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE A RAZOR BLADE AND SLICE UP MY FACE.

TO TAKE A RAZOR BLADE AND SLICE UP MY FACE. UH...

UP MY FACE. UH... YEAH.

UH... YEAH. UM, YOU MIND IF I LIE DOWN?

YEAH. UM, YOU MIND IF I LIE DOWN? OH, OUTRAGEOUS!

UM, YOU MIND IF I LIE DOWN? OH, OUTRAGEOUS! I HAD THIS PREMONITION OF ME

OH, OUTRAGEOUS! I HAD THIS PREMONITION OF ME UNFOLDING IN FRONT OF YOU LIKE A

I HAD THIS PREMONITION OF ME UNFOLDING IN FRONT OF YOU LIKE A FLOWER WHEN YOU WERE LYING DOWN.

UNFOLDING IN FRONT OF YOU LIKE A FLOWER WHEN YOU WERE LYING DOWN. OH, FAR OUT, MAN.

FLOWER WHEN YOU WERE LYING DOWN. OH, FAR OUT, MAN. FRAN, DOES IT EVER BOTHER YOU

OH, FAR OUT, MAN. FRAN, DOES IT EVER BOTHER YOU THAT YOU'RE CALLED FRAN?

FRAN, DOES IT EVER BOTHER YOU THAT YOU'RE CALLED FRAN? I MEAN, YOU KNOW ABOUT IN THAT

THAT YOU'RE CALLED FRAN? I MEAN, YOU KNOW ABOUT IN THAT SONG "A BOY NAMED SUE"?

I MEAN, YOU KNOW ABOUT IN THAT SONG "A BOY NAMED SUE"? WELL, LIKE, I WAS THINKING,

SONG "A BOY NAMED SUE"? WELL, LIKE, I WAS THINKING, LIKE, IF YOU HAVE A SON, YOU'LL

WELL, LIKE, I WAS THINKING, LIKE, IF YOU HAVE A SON, YOU'LL NAME HIM BILL OR GEORGE OR

LIKE, IF YOU HAVE A SON, YOU'LL NAME HIM BILL OR GEORGE OR FRANK... ANYTHING BUT FRAN.

NAME HIM BILL OR GEORGE OR FRANK... ANYTHING BUT FRAN. YOU LIKE MUSIC, HUH?

FRANK... ANYTHING BUT FRAN. YOU LIKE MUSIC, HUH? I GOT MY CASSETTE PLAYER WITH ME

YOU LIKE MUSIC, HUH? I GOT MY CASSETTE PLAYER WITH ME OVER HERE.

I GOT MY CASSETTE PLAYER WITH ME OVER HERE. UH...

OVER HERE. UH... ♪ LAY, LADY, LAY ♪

UH... ♪ LAY, LADY, LAY ♪ OH, WOW!

♪ LAY, LADY, LAY ♪ OH, WOW! I JUST KNEW YOU'D BE INTO DYLAN.

OH, WOW! I JUST KNEW YOU'D BE INTO DYLAN. YOU KNOW, I AM SO PSYCHIC THAT

I JUST KNEW YOU'D BE INTO DYLAN. YOU KNOW, I AM SO PSYCHIC THAT IT'S FRIGHTENING.

YOU KNOW, I AM SO PSYCHIC THAT IT'S FRIGHTENING. YOU KNOW, MY BACK'S A BIT

IT'S FRIGHTENING. YOU KNOW, MY BACK'S A BIT SORE.

YOU KNOW, MY BACK'S A BIT SORE. I THINK I'LL START UP THE MAGIC

SORE. I THINK I'LL START UP THE MAGIC FINGERS HERE.

I THINK I'LL START UP THE MAGIC FINGERS HERE. FRAN?

FINGERS HERE. FRAN? WHY DO THEY CALL YOU THE

FRAN? WHY DO THEY CALL YOU THE SCRAMBLER?

WHY DO THEY CALL YOU THE SCRAMBLER? I DON'T KNOW.

SCRAMBLER? I DON'T KNOW. I GUESS 'CAUSE I SCRAMBLE AROUND

I DON'T KNOW. I GUESS 'CAUSE I SCRAMBLE AROUND A LOT.

I GUESS 'CAUSE I SCRAMBLE AROUND A LOT. TELL ME ABOUT JOE NAMATH.

A LOT. TELL ME ABOUT JOE NAMATH. ALL RIGHT.

TELL ME ABOUT JOE NAMATH. ALL RIGHT. [WHISTLE BLOWS]

ALL RIGHT. [WHISTLE BLOWS] WELL, WITH ONLY A FEW SECONDS

[WHISTLE BLOWS] WELL, WITH ONLY A FEW SECONDS REMAINING, TARK HAS STEPPED OUT

WELL, WITH ONLY A FEW SECONDS REMAINING, TARK HAS STEPPED OUT OF BOUNDS AND STOPPED THE CLOCK.

REMAINING, TARK HAS STEPPED OUT OF BOUNDS AND STOPPED THE CLOCK. ONCE AGAIN, HE'S CONFERRING WITH

OF BOUNDS AND STOPPED THE CLOCK. ONCE AGAIN, HE'S CONFERRING WITH COACH JOHN BELUSHI.

ONCE AGAIN, HE'S CONFERRING WITH COACH JOHN BELUSHI. GONNA SEE IF HE CAN PUT SOME

COACH JOHN BELUSHI. GONNA SEE IF HE CAN PUT SOME SCORING, MAYBE, ON THE CLOCK

GONNA SEE IF HE CAN PUT SOME SCORING, MAYBE, ON THE CLOCK SCORE JUST BEFORE THE CLOCK RUNS

SCORING, MAYBE, ON THE CLOCK SCORE JUST BEFORE THE CLOCK RUNS OUT HERE IN THE FIRST HALF, YOU

SCORE JUST BEFORE THE CLOCK RUNS OUT HERE IN THE FIRST HALF, YOU KNOW?

OUT HERE IN THE FIRST HALF, YOU KNOW? IT'S A REAL PSYCHOLOGICAL DEFEAT

KNOW? IT'S A REAL PSYCHOLOGICAL DEFEAT TO GO ALL THE WAY DOWN AND GET

IT'S A REAL PSYCHOLOGICAL DEFEAT TO GO ALL THE WAY DOWN AND GET THIS FAR AND NOT SCORE WITH ALL

TO GO ALL THE WAY DOWN AND GET THIS FAR AND NOT SCORE WITH ALL THIS WORK INVOLVED.

THIS FAR AND NOT SCORE WITH ALL THIS WORK INVOLVED. BUT TARKENTON'S A PRO.

THIS WORK INVOLVED. BUT TARKENTON'S A PRO. HE'S BEEN THERE BEFORE.

BUT TARKENTON'S A PRO. HE'S BEEN THERE BEFORE. HE'S THE KIND OF GUY WHO HITS

HE'S BEEN THERE BEFORE. HE'S THE KIND OF GUY WHO HITS AND HITS HARD AND KEEPS COMING.

HE'S THE KIND OF GUY WHO HITS AND HITS HARD AND KEEPS COMING. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT,

AND HITS HARD AND KEEPS COMING. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. HE'S THE KIND OF GUY WHO GOES

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. HE'S THE KIND OF GUY WHO GOES ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES, AND

HE'S THE KIND OF GUY WHO GOES ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES, AND THE KIND OF GUY WHO LIKES TO

ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES, AND THE KIND OF GUY WHO LIKES TO COME BACK LATE AFTER PRACTICE,

THE KIND OF GUY WHO LIKES TO COME BACK LATE AFTER PRACTICE, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING

COME BACK LATE AFTER PRACTICE, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. BACK TO THE ACTION.

ABOUT. BACK TO THE ACTION. [WHISTLE BLOWS]

ALICE?

WHAT, FRAN?

WANT TO GO TO BED?

SURE.

[GUNSHOT]

WELL, IT'S CERTAINLY BEEN AN EXCITING FIRST HALF OF COMEDY HERE IN THE RCA BUILDING.

EXCITING FIRST HALF OF COMEDY HERE IN THE RCA BUILDING. HELLO, I'M LEE WHITEHEAD.

HERE IN THE RCA BUILDING. HELLO, I'M LEE WHITEHEAD. AND I'M BRIAN GUMBO.

HELLO, I'M LEE WHITEHEAD. AND I'M BRIAN GUMBO. WE'LL HAVE SOME OF THE

AND I'M BRIAN GUMBO. WE'LL HAVE SOME OF THE FIRST-HALF HIGHLIGHTS WITH

WE'LL HAVE SOME OF THE FIRST-HALF HIGHLIGHTS WITH FRAN TARKENTON AFTER THIS

FIRST-HALF HIGHLIGHTS WITH FRAN TARKENTON AFTER THIS MESSAGE.

[MELANCHOLY ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS]

CARRY IT WITH YOU. All: ♪ THE FRESH BIG FLAVOR ♪

HI, WELCOME BACK TO "GRANDSTAND." WE'RE TALKING WITH

"GRANDSTAND." WE'RE TALKING WITH FRAN TARKENTON, HOST FOR

WE'RE TALKING WITH FRAN TARKENTON, HOST FOR "SATURDAY NIGHT."

FRAN TARKENTON, HOST FOR "SATURDAY NIGHT." FRAN, YOU HAD A PRETTY GOOD

"SATURDAY NIGHT." FRAN, YOU HAD A PRETTY GOOD FIRST HALF.

FRAN, YOU HAD A PRETTY GOOD FIRST HALF. YOU COMPLETED 11 OUT OF 16 JOKES

FIRST HALF. YOU COMPLETED 11 OUT OF 16 JOKES FOR A TOTAL OF 97 LAUGHS.

YOU COMPLETED 11 OUT OF 16 JOKES FOR A TOTAL OF 97 LAUGHS. NOW, SOME OF THE JOKES HAVE BEEN

FOR A TOTAL OF 97 LAUGHS. NOW, SOME OF THE JOKES HAVE BEEN PRETTY HARD-HITTING.

NOW, SOME OF THE JOKES HAVE BEEN PRETTY HARD-HITTING. DO YOU THINK THIS IS A DIRTY

PRETTY HARD-HITTING. DO YOU THINK THIS IS A DIRTY SHOW?

DO YOU THINK THIS IS A DIRTY SHOW? WELL, IT APPEARS THAT FRAN

SHOW? WELL, IT APPEARS THAT FRAN CANNOT HEAR US.

WELL, IT APPEARS THAT FRAN CANNOT HEAR US. WE'LL HAVE THAT INTERVIEW IN

CANNOT HEAR US. WE'LL HAVE THAT INTERVIEW IN JUST A FEW MOMENTS.

WE'LL HAVE THAT INTERVIEW IN JUST A FEW MOMENTS. BUT FIRST LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT

JUST A FEW MOMENTS. BUT FIRST LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" BLIMP,

BUT FIRST LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" BLIMP, WHICH IS NOW ABOVE THE STUDIO.

THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" BLIMP, WHICH IS NOW ABOVE THE STUDIO. AND THE BLIMP, OF COURSE, IS

WHICH IS NOW ABOVE THE STUDIO. AND THE BLIMP, OF COURSE, IS JUST A SMALL PART OF THE AMAZING

AND THE BLIMP, OF COURSE, IS JUST A SMALL PART OF THE AMAZING TECHNOLOGICAL HOOKUP WHICH

JUST A SMALL PART OF THE AMAZING TECHNOLOGICAL HOOKUP WHICH BRINGS US "SATURDAY NIGHT."

TECHNOLOGICAL HOOKUP WHICH BRINGS US "SATURDAY NIGHT." EXCUSE ME.

BRINGS US "SATURDAY NIGHT." EXCUSE ME. I THINK FRAN CAN HEAR US NOW.

EXCUSE ME. I THINK FRAN CAN HEAR US NOW. IS THAT CORRECT, FRAN?

I THINK FRAN CAN HEAR US NOW. IS THAT CORRECT, FRAN? WE'VE GOT FRAN HERE.

IS THAT CORRECT, FRAN? WE'VE GOT FRAN HERE. HELLO, FRAN? FRAN.

WE'VE GOT FRAN HERE. HELLO, FRAN? FRAN. I GUESS WE'RE NOT READY YET FOR

HELLO, FRAN? FRAN. I GUESS WE'RE NOT READY YET FOR THAT INTERVIEW WITH

I GUESS WE'RE NOT READY YET FOR THAT INTERVIEW WITH FRAN TARKENTON.

THAT INTERVIEW WITH FRAN TARKENTON. AND WHILE WE WAIT, LET'S LOOK

FRAN TARKENTON. AND WHILE WE WAIT, LET'S LOOK AT SOME HIGHLIGHTS FROM A SHOW

AND WHILE WE WAIT, LET'S LOOK AT SOME HIGHLIGHTS FROM A SHOW THAT IS ALREADY IN PROGRESS ON

AT SOME HIGHLIGHTS FROM A SHOW THAT IS ALREADY IN PROGRESS ON ABC.

THAT IS ALREADY IN PROGRESS ON ABC. THEIR LATE-NIGHT MOVIE IS

ABC. THEIR LATE-NIGHT MOVIE IS "THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT, PART 10."

THEIR LATE-NIGHT MOVIE IS "THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT, PART 10." THEY HAD AN EXCITING SCENE FROM

"THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT, PART 10." THEY HAD AN EXCITING SCENE FROM "EVERY MAN'S HOME."

THEY HAD AN EXCITING SCENE FROM "EVERY MAN'S HOME." LET'S LOOK AT THAT.

♪ IT'S A BIG, WIDE, WONDERFUL

WORLD YOU LIVE IN ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE IN LOVE, YOU'RE A

MASTER OF ALL YOU SURVEY ♪

♪ YOU'RE A GAY SANTA CLAUS ♪ ♪ IT'S SWELL WHEN YOU'RE REALLY IN LOVE ♪

♪ IT'S SWELL WHEN YOU'RE REALLY IN LOVE ♪ AND, OF COURSE, WE'LL BE

IN LOVE ♪ AND, OF COURSE, WE'LL BE KEEPING YOU POSTED ON ANY

AND, OF COURSE, WE'LL BE KEEPING YOU POSTED ON ANY DEVELOPMENTS IN THAT SHOW.

KEEPING YOU POSTED ON ANY DEVELOPMENTS IN THAT SHOW. I UNDERSTAND THAT FRAN CAN HEAR

DEVELOPMENTS IN THAT SHOW. I UNDERSTAND THAT FRAN CAN HEAR US NOW, SO, FRAN, IS THAT RIGHT?

I UNDERSTAND THAT FRAN CAN HEAR US NOW, SO, FRAN, IS THAT RIGHT? CAN YOU HEAR US?

US NOW, SO, FRAN, IS THAT RIGHT? CAN YOU HEAR US? HELLO, BUDDY.

CAN YOU HEAR US? HELLO, BUDDY. [LAUGHS]

HELLO, BUDDY. [LAUGHS] WELL, SO, FRAN CAN'T HEAR, SO

[LAUGHS] WELL, SO, FRAN CAN'T HEAR, SO LET'S TAKE IT DOWN TO THE FLOOR

WELL, SO, FRAN CAN'T HEAR, SO LET'S TAKE IT DOWN TO THE FLOOR TO HOWARD SHORE AND HIS BAND FOR

LET'S TAKE IT DOWN TO THE FLOOR TO HOWARD SHORE AND HIS BAND FOR SOME OF THAT HALFTIME PAGEANTRY.

TO HOWARD SHORE AND HIS BAND FOR SOME OF THAT HALFTIME PAGEANTRY. AND NOW THE WHITE PLAINS

SOME OF THAT HALFTIME PAGEANTRY. AND NOW THE WHITE PLAINS MARCHING BAND SALUTES BLIND

AND NOW THE WHITE PLAINS MARCHING BAND SALUTES BLIND NON-WHITE AMERICAN COMPOSERS.

MARCHING BAND SALUTES BLIND NON-WHITE AMERICAN COMPOSERS. TO BEGIN OUR TRIBUTE, THE BAND

NON-WHITE AMERICAN COMPOSERS. TO BEGIN OUR TRIBUTE, THE BAND WILL PERFORM "YOU ARE THE

TO BEGIN OUR TRIBUTE, THE BAND WILL PERFORM "YOU ARE THE SUNSHINE OF MY LIFE" WHILE

WILL PERFORM "YOU ARE THE SUNSHINE OF MY LIFE" WHILE FORMING A PAIR OF GIANT

SUNSHINE OF MY LIFE" WHILE FORMING A PAIR OF GIANT SUNGLASSES IN THE CENTER OF THE

FORMING A PAIR OF GIANT SUNGLASSES IN THE CENTER OF THE FIELD.

SUNGLASSES IN THE CENTER OF THE FIELD. A HARD-HITTING SHOW.

FIELD. A HARD-HITTING SHOW. DO YOU THINK THIS IS A DIRTY

A HARD-HITTING SHOW. DO YOU THINK THIS IS A DIRTY SHOW, FRAN?

DO YOU THINK THIS IS A DIRTY SHOW, FRAN? NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

SHOW, FRAN? NO, I DON'T THINK SO. I THINK IT'S GOOD, CLEAN COMEDY.

NO, I DON'T THINK SO. I THINK IT'S GOOD, CLEAN COMEDY. NO ONE'S TAKING ANY CHEAP SHOTS

I THINK IT'S GOOD, CLEAN COMEDY. NO ONE'S TAKING ANY CHEAP SHOTS OUT THERE, EXCEPT MAYBE THE

NO ONE'S TAKING ANY CHEAP SHOTS OUT THERE, EXCEPT MAYBE THE STEVIE WONDER JOKE WE JUST

OUT THERE, EXCEPT MAYBE THE STEVIE WONDER JOKE WE JUST HEARD.

STEVIE WONDER JOKE WE JUST HEARD. I HOPE STEVIE'S NOT HURT.

HEARD. I HOPE STEVIE'S NOT HURT. SPEAKING OF CHEAP SHOTS, WHEN

I HOPE STEVIE'S NOT HURT. SPEAKING OF CHEAP SHOTS, WHEN DON MEREDITH ANNOUNCED DURING

SPEAKING OF CHEAP SHOTS, WHEN DON MEREDITH ANNOUNCED DURING THE SUPER BOWL THAT YOU WERE

DON MEREDITH ANNOUNCED DURING THE SUPER BOWL THAT YOU WERE GOING TO HOST "SATURDAY NIGHT,"

THE SUPER BOWL THAT YOU WERE GOING TO HOST "SATURDAY NIGHT," HE SAID THAT YOU'VE GONE A LONG

GOING TO HOST "SATURDAY NIGHT," HE SAID THAT YOU'VE GONE A LONG WAY WITH NO TALENT.

HE SAID THAT YOU'VE GONE A LONG WAY WITH NO TALENT. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?

WAY WITH NO TALENT. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT? WELL, I'M NOT A VINDICTIVE

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT? WELL, I'M NOT A VINDICTIVE KIND OF GUY, BUT THERE ARE THREE

WELL, I'M NOT A VINDICTIVE KIND OF GUY, BUT THERE ARE THREE ACTIVE QUARTERBACKS IN THE NFL

KIND OF GUY, BUT THERE ARE THREE ACTIVE QUARTERBACKS IN THE NFL WHO ARE GAY, AND WHEN DON WAS

ACTIVE QUARTERBACKS IN THE NFL WHO ARE GAY, AND WHEN DON WAS PLAYING, THERE WERE FOUR.

WHO ARE GAY, AND WHEN DON WAS PLAYING, THERE WERE FOUR. OKAY, FRAN.

PLAYING, THERE WERE FOUR. OKAY, FRAN. LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT SOME

OKAY, FRAN. LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT SOME HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE FIRST HALF.

LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT SOME HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE FIRST HALF. NOW, THIS WAS EARLY ON IN THE

HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE FIRST HALF. NOW, THIS WAS EARLY ON IN THE SHOW, AND I BELIEVE IT WAS YOUR

NOW, THIS WAS EARLY ON IN THE SHOW, AND I BELIEVE IT WAS YOUR FIRST BIG LAUGH.

SHOW, AND I BELIEVE IT WAS YOUR FIRST BIG LAUGH. YES, I'D SAY THIS WAS

FIRST BIG LAUGH. YES, I'D SAY THIS WAS DEFINITELY THE TURNING POINT OF

YES, I'D SAY THIS WAS DEFINITELY THE TURNING POINT OF THE FIRST QUARTER.

DEFINITELY THE TURNING POINT OF THE FIRST QUARTER. JOHN BELUSHI SET ME UP JUST

THE FIRST QUARTER. JOHN BELUSHI SET ME UP JUST BEAUTIFULLY, AND I WENT IN FOR

JOHN BELUSHI SET ME UP JUST BEAUTIFULLY, AND I WENT IN FOR THE LAUGH UNTOUCHED.

BEAUTIFULLY, AND I WENT IN FOR THE LAUGH UNTOUCHED. YEAH...

THE LAUGH UNTOUCHED. YEAH... BEAUTIFUL.

YEAH... BEAUTIFUL. WHY DON'T YOU TELL US WHAT'S

BEAUTIFUL. WHY DON'T YOU TELL US WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THIS SCENE RIGHT

WHY DON'T YOU TELL US WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THIS SCENE RIGHT HERE?

HAPPENING IN THIS SCENE RIGHT HERE? WELL, I'M GETTING THE TIME TO

HERE? WELL, I'M GETTING THE TIME TO GET MY JOKES OFF, AND I'M

WELL, I'M GETTING THE TIME TO GET MY JOKES OFF, AND I'M CONNECTING WITH THE AUDIENCE.

GET MY JOKES OFF, AND I'M CONNECTING WITH THE AUDIENCE. AND I HOPE TO DO A LOT MORE OF

CONNECTING WITH THE AUDIENCE. AND I HOPE TO DO A LOT MORE OF THAT BEFORE THE SHOW'S OVER.

AND I HOPE TO DO A LOT MORE OF THAT BEFORE THE SHOW'S OVER. TERRIFIC STEROID BIT IF I

THAT BEFORE THE SHOW'S OVER. TERRIFIC STEROID BIT IF I MAY SAY SO.

TERRIFIC STEROID BIT IF I MAY SAY SO. YOU LOOK PRETTY GOOD HERE.

MAY SAY SO. YOU LOOK PRETTY GOOD HERE. NO QUESTION ABOUT IT.

YOU LOOK PRETTY GOOD HERE. NO QUESTION ABOUT IT. WHAT'S THIS NEXT PIECE OF TAPE

NO QUESTION ABOUT IT. WHAT'S THIS NEXT PIECE OF TAPE WE'RE GONNA SEE HERE?

WHAT'S THIS NEXT PIECE OF TAPE WE'RE GONNA SEE HERE? OH, YEAH, YOU LOOK REAL GOOD

WE'RE GONNA SEE HERE? OH, YEAH, YOU LOOK REAL GOOD HERE.

OH, YEAH, YOU LOOK REAL GOOD HERE. YOU WANT TO TELL US ABOUT THE

HERE. YOU WANT TO TELL US ABOUT THE KIND OF CONDITION YOU HAD TO BE

YOU WANT TO TELL US ABOUT THE KIND OF CONDITION YOU HAD TO BE IN TO PULL THIS ONE OFF?

KIND OF CONDITION YOU HAD TO BE IN TO PULL THIS ONE OFF? I THINK CONDITION'S A BIG

IN TO PULL THIS ONE OFF? I THINK CONDITION'S A BIG FACTOR, AND THAT'S WHY THE

I THINK CONDITION'S A BIG FACTOR, AND THAT'S WHY THE SHOW'S SO FUNNY TONIGHT.

FACTOR, AND THAT'S WHY THE SHOW'S SO FUNNY TONIGHT. [LAUGHS]

SHOW'S SO FUNNY TONIGHT. [LAUGHS] WELL, THANK YOU, FRAN.

[LAUGHS] WELL, THANK YOU, FRAN. AND THOSE ARE THE HIGHLIGHTS.

WELL, THANK YOU, FRAN. AND THOSE ARE THE HIGHLIGHTS. AND WE HOPE THAT YOU'RE GONNA

AND THOSE ARE THE HIGHLIGHTS. AND WE HOPE THAT YOU'RE GONNA CONTINUE TO BE FUNNY FOR US IN

AND WE HOPE THAT YOU'RE GONNA CONTINUE TO BE FUNNY FOR US IN THE SECOND HALF OR ELSE...

CONTINUE TO BE FUNNY FOR US IN THE SECOND HALF OR ELSE... THANK YOU, LEE AND BRIAN.

THE SECOND HALF OR ELSE... THANK YOU, LEE AND BRIAN. YEAH, AND THAT'S

THANK YOU, LEE AND BRIAN. YEAH, AND THAT'S "GRANDSTAND."

YEAH, AND THAT'S "GRANDSTAND." THANK YOU, LEE, FOR ANCHORING.

"GRANDSTAND." THANK YOU, LEE, FOR ANCHORING. THANK YOU, BRIAN, FOR

THANK YOU, LEE, FOR ANCHORING. THANK YOU, BRIAN, FOR PROVIDING THE COLOR.

Announcer: THE PRECEDING

BROADCAST IS THE PROPERTY OF THE

NATIONAL COMEDY LEAGUE.

ANY REPRODUCTION OR REBROADCAST

WITHOUT THE EXPRESS WRITTEN

CONSENT OF THE NLC IS STRICTLY

PROHIBITED BY COMMON SENSE.

ONCE AGAIN, HERE'S LEO SAYER. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [INTRODUCTION TO "YOU MAKE ME

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [INTRODUCTION TO "YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING" PLAYS]

[INTRODUCTION TO "YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING" PLAYS] ♪ AHH ♪

[FEEL LIKE DANCING" PLAYS] ♪ AHH ♪ ♪ A-A-AHH ♪

♪ AHH ♪ ♪ A-A-AHH ♪ ♪ AHH ♪

♪ A-A-AHH ♪ ♪ AHH ♪ ♪ A-A-AHH ♪

♪ AHH ♪ ♪ A-A-AHH ♪ ♪ YOU'VE GOT A CUTE WAY OF

♪ A-A-AHH ♪ ♪ YOU'VE GOT A CUTE WAY OF TALKING ♪

♪ YOU'VE GOT A CUTE WAY OF TALKING ♪ ♪ YOU GOT THE BETTER OF ME ♪

TALKING ♪ ♪ YOU GOT THE BETTER OF ME ♪ ♪ JUST SNAP YOUR FINGERS, AND

♪ YOU GOT THE BETTER OF ME ♪ ♪ JUST SNAP YOUR FINGERS, AND I'M WALKING ♪

♪ JUST SNAP YOUR FINGERS, AND I'M WALKING ♪ ♪ LIKE A DOG HANGING ON YOUR

I'M WALKING ♪ ♪ LIKE A DOG HANGING ON YOUR LEAD ♪

♪ LIKE A DOG HANGING ON YOUR LEAD ♪ ♪ I'M IN A SPIN, YOU KNOW ♪

LEAD ♪ ♪ I'M IN A SPIN, YOU KNOW ♪ ♪ SHAKING ON A STRING,

♪ I'M IN A SPIN, YOU KNOW ♪ ♪ SHAKING ON A STRING, YOU KNOW ♪

♪ SHAKING ON A STRING, YOU KNOW ♪ ♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE

YOU KNOW ♪ ♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪

♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪ ♪ I WANT TO DANCE THE NIGHT

DANCING ♪ ♪ I WANT TO DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪

♪ I WANT TO DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪ ♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE

AWAY ♪ ♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪

♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪ ♪ I WANT TO DANCE THE NIGHT

DANCING ♪ ♪ I WANT TO DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪

♪ I WANT TO DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪ ♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE

AWAY ♪ ♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪

♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪ ♪ I FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪

DANCING ♪ ♪ I FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪ WHOO!

♪ I FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪ WHOO! ♪ DANCING ♪

WHOO! ♪ DANCING ♪ ♪ DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪

♪ DANCING ♪ ♪ DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪ ♪ I FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪

♪ DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪ ♪ I FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪ ♪ DANCING ♪

♪ I FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪ ♪ DANCING ♪ ♪ AHH A-AHH A-AHH ♪

♪ DANCING ♪ ♪ AHH A-AHH A-AHH ♪ ♪ QUARTER TO 4:00 IN THE

♪ AHH A-AHH A-AHH ♪ ♪ QUARTER TO 4:00 IN THE MORNING ♪

♪ QUARTER TO 4:00 IN THE MORNING ♪ ♪ I AIN'T FEELING TIRED ♪

MORNING ♪ ♪ I AIN'T FEELING TIRED ♪ ♪ NO, NO, NO, NO, NO ♪

♪ I AIN'T FEELING TIRED ♪ ♪ NO, NO, NO, NO, NO ♪ ♪ JUST HOLD ME TIGHT AND LEAVE

♪ NO, NO, NO, NO, NO ♪ ♪ JUST HOLD ME TIGHT AND LEAVE ON THE LIGHT ♪

♪ JUST HOLD ME TIGHT AND LEAVE ON THE LIGHT ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO GO

ON THE LIGHT ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO GO HOME ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO GO HOME ♪ ♪ YOU PUT A SPELL ON ME ♪

HOME ♪ ♪ YOU PUT A SPELL ON ME ♪ ♪ I'M RIGHT WHERE YOU WANT ME TO

♪ YOU PUT A SPELL ON ME ♪ ♪ I'M RIGHT WHERE YOU WANT ME TO BE ♪

♪ I'M RIGHT WHERE YOU WANT ME TO BE ♪ ♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE

BE ♪ ♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪

♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪ ♪ I WANT TO DANCE THE NIGHT

DANCING ♪ ♪ I WANT TO DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪

♪ I WANT TO DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪ ♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE

AWAY ♪ ♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪

♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪ ♪ I WANT TO DANCE THE NIGHT

DANCING ♪ ♪ I WANT TO DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪

♪ I WANT TO DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪ ♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE

AWAY ♪ ♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪

♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪ ♪ I FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪

DANCING ♪ ♪ I FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪ WHOO!

♪ I FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪ WHOO! ♪ DANCING ♪

WHOO! ♪ DANCING ♪ ♪ DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪

♪ DANCING ♪ ♪ DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪ ♪ I FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪

♪ DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪ ♪ I FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪ ♪ DANCING ♪

♪ I FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪ ♪ DANCING ♪ ♪ AHH A-AHH A-AHH ♪

♪ DANCING ♪ ♪ AHH A-AHH A-AHH ♪ ♪ DO-DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪

♪ AHH A-AHH A-AHH ♪ ♪ DO-DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪ ♪ DO-DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO DO ♪

♪ DO-DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪ ♪ DO-DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO DO ♪ ♪ DO-DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪

♪ DO-DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO DO ♪ ♪ DO-DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪ ♪ DO-DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO DO ♪

♪ DO-DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪ ♪ DO-DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO DO ♪ ♪ OH, YEAH ♪

♪ DO-DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO DO ♪ ♪ OH, YEAH ♪ ♪ DO-DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪

♪ OH, YEAH ♪ ♪ DO-DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪ ♪ DO-DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO DO ♪

♪ DO-DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪ ♪ DO-DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO DO ♪ ♪ YOU TAKE ME HIGHER ♪

♪ DO-DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO DO ♪ ♪ YOU TAKE ME HIGHER ♪ ♪ I WANT TO CATCH ON FIRE

♪ YOU TAKE ME HIGHER ♪ ♪ I WANT TO CATCH ON FIRE 'CAUSE ♪

♪ I WANT TO CATCH ON FIRE 'CAUSE ♪ ♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE

'CAUSE ♪ ♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪

♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪ ♪ I WANT TO DANCE THE NIGHT

DANCING ♪ ♪ I WANT TO DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪

♪ I WANT TO DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪ ♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE

AWAY ♪ ♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪

♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪ ♪ I WANT TO DANCE THE NIGHT

DANCING ♪ ♪ I WANT TO DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪

♪ I WANT TO DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪ ♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE

AWAY ♪ ♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪

♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪ ♪ I FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪

DANCING ♪ ♪ I FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪ WHOO!

♪ I FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪ WHOO! ♪ DANCING ♪

WHOO! ♪ DANCING ♪ ♪ DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪

♪ DANCING ♪ ♪ DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪ ♪ I FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪

♪ DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪ ♪ I FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪ ♪ DANCING ♪

♪ I FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪ ♪ DANCING ♪ ♪ DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪

♪ DANCING ♪ ♪ DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪ ♪ I FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪

♪ DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪ ♪ I FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪ ♪ DANCING ♪

♪ I FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪ ♪ DANCING ♪ ♪ DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪

♪ DANCING ♪ ♪ DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪ ♪ I FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪

♪ DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪ ♪ I FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪ ♪ DANCING ♪

♪ I FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪ ♪ DANCING ♪ ♪ AHH A-AHH A-AHH ♪

♪ DANCING ♪ ♪ AHH A-AHH A-AHH ♪ ♪ YOU REALLY SLIPPED ME A

♪ AHH A-AHH A-AHH ♪ ♪ YOU REALLY SLIPPED ME A POTION ♪

♪ YOU REALLY SLIPPED ME A POTION ♪ ♪ I CAN'T GET OFF OF THE FLOOR ♪

POTION ♪ ♪ I CAN'T GET OFF OF THE FLOOR ♪ ♪ ALL THIS PERPETUAL MOTION ♪

♪ I CAN'T GET OFF OF THE FLOOR ♪ ♪ ALL THIS PERPETUAL MOTION ♪ ♪ YOU GOT TO GIVE ME SOME MORE ♪

♪ ALL THIS PERPETUAL MOTION ♪ ♪ YOU GOT TO GIVE ME SOME MORE ♪ ♪ YOU GOT TO GIVE ME SOME MORE ♪

♪ YOU GOT TO GIVE ME SOME MORE ♪ ♪ YOU GOT TO GIVE ME SOME MORE ♪ ♪ AND IF YOU'LL LET ME STAY ♪

♪ YOU GOT TO GIVE ME SOME MORE ♪ ♪ AND IF YOU'LL LET ME STAY ♪ ♪ WE'LL DANCE OUR LIVES AWAY ♪

♪ AND IF YOU'LL LET ME STAY ♪ ♪ WE'LL DANCE OUR LIVES AWAY ♪ ♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE

♪ WE'LL DANCE OUR LIVES AWAY ♪ ♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪

♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪ ♪ I WANT TO DANCE THE NIGHT

DANCING ♪ ♪ I WANT TO DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪

♪ I WANT TO DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪ ♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE

AWAY ♪ ♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪

♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪ ♪ I WANT TO DANCE THE NIGHT

DANCING ♪ ♪ I WANT TO DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪

♪ I WANT TO DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪ ♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE

AWAY ♪ ♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪

♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING ♪ ♪ I FEEL ♪

DANCING ♪ ♪ I FEEL ♪ ♪ JUST LIKE DANCING ♪

♪ I FEEL ♪ ♪ JUST LIKE DANCING ♪ ♪ I FEEL ♪

♪ JUST LIKE DANCING ♪ ♪ I FEEL ♪ ♪ JUST LIKE DANCING ♪

♪ I FEEL ♪ ♪ JUST LIKE DANCING ♪ ♪ I WANT TO DANCE THE NIGHT

♪ JUST LIKE DANCING ♪ ♪ I WANT TO DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪

♪ I WANT TO DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY ♪ ♪ I FEEL ♪

AWAY ♪ ♪ I FEEL ♪ ♪ JUST LIKE DANCING ♪

♪ I FEEL ♪ ♪ JUST LIKE DANCING ♪ ♪ I FEEL! ♪

♪ JUST LIKE DANCING ♪ ♪ I FEEL! ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

NOW HERE'S THIS WEEK'S FILM FROM GARY WEIS.

THIS IS SMALL WORLDS, AND WE ARE, UM... WE SET UP ENCLOSURES FOR ANIMALS

ARE, UM... WE SET UP ENCLOSURES FOR ANIMALS TO LIVE IN.

WE SET UP ENCLOSURES FOR ANIMALS TO LIVE IN. AND WE TRY TO MAKE THE

TO LIVE IN. AND WE TRY TO MAKE THE ENCLOSURES LOOK AS NATURAL AS

AND WE TRY TO MAKE THE ENCLOSURES LOOK AS NATURAL AS POSSIBLE.

ENCLOSURES LOOK AS NATURAL AS POSSIBLE. IN OTHER WORDS, WE TRY TO FIGURE

POSSIBLE. IN OTHER WORDS, WE TRY TO FIGURE OUT EXACTLY WHAT THE ANIMALS

IN OTHER WORDS, WE TRY TO FIGURE OUT EXACTLY WHAT THE ANIMALS NEED AND THEN TRY TO DUPLICATE

OUT EXACTLY WHAT THE ANIMALS NEED AND THEN TRY TO DUPLICATE THAT IN A VIVARIUM, WHICH A

NEED AND THEN TRY TO DUPLICATE THAT IN A VIVARIUM, WHICH A PERSON COULD HAVE IN THEIR

THAT IN A VIVARIUM, WHICH A PERSON COULD HAVE IN THEIR HOUSE.

PERSON COULD HAVE IN THEIR HOUSE. I THINK WE'RE THE ONLY STORE

HOUSE. I THINK WE'RE THE ONLY STORE LIKE THIS IN THE WORLD.

I THINK WE'RE THE ONLY STORE LIKE THIS IN THE WORLD. HE'S VERY UNUSUAL IN THAT

LIKE THIS IN THE WORLD. HE'S VERY UNUSUAL IN THAT HE'S VERY FRIENDLY.

HE'S VERY UNUSUAL IN THAT HE'S VERY FRIENDLY. HE LOVES PEOPLE AND RESPONDS...

HE'S VERY FRIENDLY. HE LOVES PEOPLE AND RESPONDS... FOR INSTANCE, IF YOU ASK HIM TO

HE LOVES PEOPLE AND RESPONDS... FOR INSTANCE, IF YOU ASK HIM TO SAY HELLO, HE'LL SIT UP HERE.

FOR INSTANCE, IF YOU ASK HIM TO SAY HELLO, HE'LL SIT UP HERE. SAY HELLO, BULLY. GO AHEAD.

SAY HELLO, HE'LL SIT UP HERE. SAY HELLO, BULLY. GO AHEAD. [BULLY CROAKS]

SAY HELLO, BULLY. GO AHEAD. [BULLY CROAKS] LOUDER.

[BULLY CROAKS] LOUDER. [BULLY CROAKS]

LOUDER. [BULLY CROAKS] GOOD.

[BULLY CROAKS] GOOD. [BULLY CROAKS]

GOOD. [BULLY CROAKS] THERE'S DEFINITELY A LEVEL OF

[BULLY CROAKS] THERE'S DEFINITELY A LEVEL OF COMMUNICATION BETWEEN THIS FROG

THERE'S DEFINITELY A LEVEL OF COMMUNICATION BETWEEN THIS FROG AND PEOPLE.

COMMUNICATION BETWEEN THIS FROG AND PEOPLE. FOR INSTANCE, IF YOU PUT YOUR

AND PEOPLE. FOR INSTANCE, IF YOU PUT YOUR FACE DOWN HERE AND YOU LOOK AT

FOR INSTANCE, IF YOU PUT YOUR FACE DOWN HERE AND YOU LOOK AT HIM, HE'LL JUMP RIGHT AT YOU.

FACE DOWN HERE AND YOU LOOK AT HIM, HE'LL JUMP RIGHT AT YOU. HE GETS VERY EXCITED.

HIM, HE'LL JUMP RIGHT AT YOU. HE GETS VERY EXCITED. ISN'T IT TRUE?

HE GETS VERY EXCITED. ISN'T IT TRUE? Isn't it true?

ISN'T IT TRUE? Isn't it true? HUH?

Isn't it true? HUH? HE'S NOT FOR SALE.

HUH? HE'S NOT FOR SALE. HE'S OUR PET.

HE'S NOT FOR SALE. HE'S OUR PET. WE'VE HAD HIM SINCE HE WAS VERY

HE'S OUR PET. WE'VE HAD HIM SINCE HE WAS VERY SMALL.

WE'VE HAD HIM SINCE HE WAS VERY SMALL. AND WE NAMED HIM BULLY BECAUSE

SMALL. AND WE NAMED HIM BULLY BECAUSE HE'S A BULLY.

AND WE NAMED HIM BULLY BECAUSE HE'S A BULLY. HE WILL NOT TOLERATE ANYBODY

HE'S A BULLY. HE WILL NOT TOLERATE ANYBODY ELSE DOWN IN HIS PART OF THE

HE WILL NOT TOLERATE ANYBODY ELSE DOWN IN HIS PART OF THE POND.

ELSE DOWN IN HIS PART OF THE POND. AND WE JUST HAVE A LOT OF FUN

POND. AND WE JUST HAVE A LOT OF FUN WITH HIM.

AND WE JUST HAVE A LOT OF FUN WITH HIM. HE'S CUTE.

WITH HIM. HE'S CUTE. [BULLY CROAKS]

HE'S CUTE. [BULLY CROAKS] HERE WE HAVE A RED RAT SNAKE,

[BULLY CROAKS] HERE WE HAVE A RED RAT SNAKE, OR A CORN SNAKE, WHICH I THINK

HERE WE HAVE A RED RAT SNAKE, OR A CORN SNAKE, WHICH I THINK IS ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL OF

OR A CORN SNAKE, WHICH I THINK IS ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL OF THE DOMESTIC SNAKES.

IS ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL OF THE DOMESTIC SNAKES. AND THEY GET VERY TAME.

THE DOMESTIC SNAKES. AND THEY GET VERY TAME. BUT EVEN THOUGH IT'S

AND THEY GET VERY TAME. BUT EVEN THOUGH IT'S UNBELIEVABLE, WE HAVE HAD PEOPLE

BUT EVEN THOUGH IT'S UNBELIEVABLE, WE HAVE HAD PEOPLE STEAL REPTILES FROM THE STORE,

UNBELIEVABLE, WE HAVE HAD PEOPLE STEAL REPTILES FROM THE STORE, PUT THEM IN THEIR POCKET, TAKE

STEAL REPTILES FROM THE STORE, PUT THEM IN THEIR POCKET, TAKE THEM OUT.

PUT THEM IN THEIR POCKET, TAKE THEM OUT. [BLUES MUSIC PLAYS]

IN TERMS OF HANDLING THESE CREATURES, WE FIND, STRANGELY, THAT WOMEN ARE MUCH MORE EAGER

CREATURES, WE FIND, STRANGELY, THAT WOMEN ARE MUCH MORE EAGER TO HANDLE THEM THAN MEN.

THAT WOMEN ARE MUCH MORE EAGER TO HANDLE THEM THAN MEN. A LOT OF MEN ARE QUITE SQUEAMISH

TO HANDLE THEM THAN MEN. A LOT OF MEN ARE QUITE SQUEAMISH ABOUT HOLDING THESE.

A LOT OF MEN ARE QUITE SQUEAMISH ABOUT HOLDING THESE. [BULLY CROAKS]

ABOUT HOLDING THESE. [BULLY CROAKS] YOU SEE, THERE'S NOTHING TO

[BULLY CROAKS] YOU SEE, THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

YOU SEE, THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. TARANTULAS DON'T BITE.

WORRY ABOUT. TARANTULAS DON'T BITE. OW!

[SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

EVERY TIME YOU BUY A PERFUME, ONE MILLION OTHER WOMEN ARE BUYING THE SAME PERFUME.

ONE MILLION OTHER WOMEN ARE BUYING THE SAME PERFUME. BUT NOW THERE IS FRENCH LIQUID.

BUYING THE SAME PERFUME. BUT NOW THERE IS FRENCH LIQUID. ONE MILLION WOMEN CAN WEAR

BUT NOW THERE IS FRENCH LIQUID. ONE MILLION WOMEN CAN WEAR FRENCH LIQUID, AND IT WON'T

ONE MILLION WOMEN CAN WEAR FRENCH LIQUID, AND IT WON'T SMELL QUITE THE SAME ON ANY OF

FRENCH LIQUID, AND IT WON'T SMELL QUITE THE SAME ON ANY OF THEM.

SMELL QUITE THE SAME ON ANY OF THEM. FOR EXAMPLE, ON HER, IT SMELLS

THEM. FOR EXAMPLE, ON HER, IT SMELLS LIKE WILDFLOWERS.

FOR EXAMPLE, ON HER, IT SMELLS LIKE WILDFLOWERS. AND ON HER, IT SMELLS LIKE

LIKE WILDFLOWERS. AND ON HER, IT SMELLS LIKE TROPIC RAIN.

AND ON HER, IT SMELLS LIKE TROPIC RAIN. ON HER, IT SMELLS LIKE WARM

TROPIC RAIN. ON HER, IT SMELLS LIKE WARM RABBIT PELLETS.

ON HER, IT SMELLS LIKE WARM RABBIT PELLETS. ON HER, IT SMELLS LIKE

RABBIT PELLETS. ON HER, IT SMELLS LIKE CICELY TYSON'S TOOTHBRUSH.

ON HER, IT SMELLS LIKE CICELY TYSON'S TOOTHBRUSH. ON HER, IT SMELLS LIKE DEAD

CICELY TYSON'S TOOTHBRUSH. ON HER, IT SMELLS LIKE DEAD OTTERS IN A DRAINPIPE.

ON HER, IT SMELLS LIKE DEAD OTTERS IN A DRAINPIPE. FRENCH LIQUID... VIVE LA

OTTERS IN A DRAINPIPE. FRENCH LIQUID... VIVE LA DIFFéRENCE.

"SATURDAY NIGHT" OFTEN FEATURES NEW TALENT... INDIVIDUALS OR GROUPS WHO HAVE

FEATURES NEW TALENT... INDIVIDUALS OR GROUPS WHO HAVE NEVER, NEVER APPEARED ON

INDIVIDUALS OR GROUPS WHO HAVE NEVER, NEVER APPEARED ON TELEVISION BEFORE.

NEVER, NEVER APPEARED ON TELEVISION BEFORE. AND I THINK YOU'RE GONNA ENJOY

TELEVISION BEFORE. AND I THINK YOU'RE GONNA ENJOY THIS NEXT GROUP.

AND I THINK YOU'RE GONNA ENJOY THIS NEXT GROUP. THEY'RE CALLED DONNIE HARPER AND

THIS NEXT GROUP. THEY'RE CALLED DONNIE HARPER AND THE VOICES OF AMERICA.

THEY'RE CALLED DONNIE HARPER AND THE VOICES OF AMERICA. [INTRODUCTION TO "SING A SONG"

THE VOICES OF AMERICA. [INTRODUCTION TO "SING A SONG" PLAYS]

♪ OH, OH, YEAH ♪ ♪ OH, OH, YEAH ♪ ♪ OOH ♪

♪ OH, OH, YEAH ♪ ♪ OOH ♪ ♪ SING ♪

♪ OOH ♪ ♪ SING ♪ ♪ SING ♪

♪ SING ♪ ♪ SING ♪ ♪ SING A SONG ♪

♪ SING ♪ ♪ SING A SONG ♪ ♪ SING ♪

♪ SING A SONG ♪ ♪ SING ♪ ♪ SING IT LOUD ♪

♪ SING ♪ ♪ SING IT LOUD ♪ ♪ SING ♪

♪ SING IT LOUD ♪ ♪ SING ♪ ♪ SING IT LONG ♪

♪ SING ♪ ♪ SING IT LONG ♪ ♪ SING OF GOOD TIMES, NOT BAD ♪

♪ SING IT LONG ♪ ♪ SING OF GOOD TIMES, NOT BAD ♪ ♪ EVERYBODY ♪

♪ SING OF GOOD TIMES, NOT BAD ♪ ♪ EVERYBODY ♪ ♪ SING OF THE HAPPY TIMES, NOT

♪ EVERYBODY ♪ ♪ SING OF THE HAPPY TIMES, NOT SAD ♪

♪ SING OF THE HAPPY TIMES, NOT SAD ♪ ♪ WHOA, WHOA ♪

SAD ♪ ♪ WHOA, WHOA ♪ ♪ SING ♪

♪ WHOA, WHOA ♪ ♪ SING ♪ ♪ SING ♪

♪ SING ♪ ♪ SING ♪ ♪ SING A SONG ♪

♪ SING ♪ ♪ SING A SONG ♪ ♪ SING ♪

♪ SING A SONG ♪ ♪ SING ♪ ♪ AND MAKE IT SIMPLE TO LAST

♪ SING ♪ ♪ AND MAKE IT SIMPLE TO LAST YOUR WHOLE LIFE LONG, YEAH ♪

♪ AND MAKE IT SIMPLE TO LAST YOUR WHOLE LIFE LONG, YEAH ♪ ♪ AND DON'T WORRY THAT IT'S NOT

YOUR WHOLE LIFE LONG, YEAH ♪ ♪ AND DON'T WORRY THAT IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYBODY ELSE TO

♪ AND DON'T WORRY THAT IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYBODY ELSE TO HEAR ♪

GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYBODY ELSE TO HEAR ♪ ♪ DON'T WORRY THAT IT'S NOT GOOD

HEAR ♪ ♪ DON'T WORRY THAT IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYBODY ELSE TO

♪ DON'T WORRY THAT IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYBODY ELSE TO HEAR ♪

ENOUGH FOR ANYBODY ELSE TO HEAR ♪ ♪ DON'T WORRY ♪

HEAR ♪ ♪ DON'T WORRY ♪ ♪ THAT'S IT'S NOT GOOD

♪ DON'T WORRY ♪ ♪ THAT'S IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH ♪

♪ THAT'S IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH ♪ ♪ FOR ANYBODY ELSE TO HEAR ♪

ENOUGH ♪ ♪ FOR ANYBODY ELSE TO HEAR ♪ ♪ JUST SING ♪

♪ FOR ANYBODY ELSE TO HEAR ♪ ♪ JUST SING ♪ ♪ SING ♪

♪ JUST SING ♪ ♪ SING ♪ ♪ WHOA ♪

♪ SING ♪ ♪ WHOA ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪

♪ WHOA ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪ ♪ OH, JUST TRY TO SING A SONG ♪

♪ YEAH ♪ ♪ OH, JUST TRY TO SING A SONG ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪

♪ OH, JUST TRY TO SING A SONG ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪ ♪ OOH ♪

♪ YEAH ♪ ♪ OOH ♪ ♪ YOU KIND OF SOUND REAL

♪ OOH ♪ ♪ YOU KIND OF SOUND REAL SOULFUL ♪

♪ YOU KIND OF SOUND REAL SOULFUL ♪ ♪ OOH OOH OOH ♪

SOULFUL ♪ ♪ OOH OOH OOH ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪

♪ OOH OOH OOH ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪ ♪ PLEASE PLAY IT FOR ME,

♪ YEAH ♪ ♪ PLEASE PLAY IT FOR ME, MR. BANDMAN ♪

♪ PLEASE PLAY IT FOR ME, MR. BANDMAN ♪ ♪ JUST CLAP YOUR HANDS,

MR. BANDMAN ♪ ♪ JUST CLAP YOUR HANDS, EVERYBODY ♪

♪ JUST CLAP YOUR HANDS, EVERYBODY ♪ ♪ HEY, UNDERSTAND, EVERYBODY ♪

EVERYBODY ♪ ♪ HEY, UNDERSTAND, EVERYBODY ♪ ♪ IT'S GONNA BE BRIGHTER, YEAH ♪

♪ HEY, UNDERSTAND, EVERYBODY ♪ ♪ IT'S GONNA BE BRIGHTER, YEAH ♪ ♪ IT'S GONNA BE LIGHTER IF WE

♪ IT'S GONNA BE BRIGHTER, YEAH ♪ ♪ IT'S GONNA BE LIGHTER IF WE SING ♪

♪ IT'S GONNA BE LIGHTER IF WE SING ♪ ♪ SING ♪

SING ♪ ♪ SING ♪ ♪ EVERY MORNING, SING ♪

♪ SING ♪ ♪ EVERY MORNING, SING ♪ ♪ SING ♪

♪ EVERY MORNING, SING ♪ ♪ SING ♪ ♪ IN THE NEW DAY, SING ♪

♪ SING ♪ ♪ IN THE NEW DAY, SING ♪ ♪ SING ♪

♪ IN THE NEW DAY, SING ♪ ♪ SING ♪ ♪ OVER IN THE MIDNIGHT HOUR ♪

♪ SING ♪ ♪ OVER IN THE MIDNIGHT HOUR ♪ ♪ SING ♪

♪ OVER IN THE MIDNIGHT HOUR ♪ ♪ SING ♪ ♪ OH, LET'S SING ♪

♪ SING ♪ ♪ OH, LET'S SING ♪ ♪ SING ♪

♪ OH, LET'S SING ♪ ♪ SING ♪ ♪ EVERYBODY OUGHT TO SING

♪ SING ♪ ♪ EVERYBODY OUGHT TO SING SOMETIMES ♪

♪ EVERYBODY OUGHT TO SING SOMETIMES ♪ ♪ OH, SING ♪

SOMETIMES ♪ ♪ OH, SING ♪ ♪ SING ♪

♪ OH, SING ♪ ♪ SING ♪ ♪ COME ON, Y'ALL, AND SING ♪

♪ SING ♪ ♪ COME ON, Y'ALL, AND SING ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪

♪ COME ON, Y'ALL, AND SING ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪ ♪ AND DON'T WORRY ♪

♪ YEAH ♪ ♪ AND DON'T WORRY ♪ ♪ DON'T WORRY THAT IT'S NOT

♪ AND DON'T WORRY ♪ ♪ DON'T WORRY THAT IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH ♪

♪ DON'T WORRY THAT IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH ♪ ♪ FOR ANYBODY ELSE TO HEAR ♪

GOOD ENOUGH ♪ ♪ FOR ANYBODY ELSE TO HEAR ♪ ♪ DON'T WORRY ♪

♪ FOR ANYBODY ELSE TO HEAR ♪ ♪ DON'T WORRY ♪ ♪ DON'T WORRY THAT IT'S NOT

♪ DON'T WORRY ♪ ♪ DON'T WORRY THAT IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH ♪

♪ DON'T WORRY THAT IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH ♪ ♪ FOR ANYBODY ELSE TO HEAR ♪

GOOD ENOUGH ♪ ♪ FOR ANYBODY ELSE TO HEAR ♪ ♪ DON'T WORRY THAT IT'S NOT GOOD

♪ FOR ANYBODY ELSE TO HEAR ♪ ♪ DON'T WORRY THAT IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYBODY ELSE TO

♪ DON'T WORRY THAT IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYBODY ELSE TO HEAR ♪

ENOUGH FOR ANYBODY ELSE TO HEAR ♪ ♪ JUST SING ♪

HEAR ♪ ♪ JUST SING ♪ ♪ SING ♪

♪ JUST SING ♪ ♪ SING ♪ ♪ COME ON AND JUST SING ♪

♪ SING ♪ ♪ COME ON AND JUST SING ♪ ♪ SING ♪

♪ COME ON AND JUST SING ♪ ♪ SING ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪

♪ SING ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪ ♪ OH, JUST TRY TO SING A SONG ♪

♪ YEAH ♪ ♪ OH, JUST TRY TO SING A SONG ♪ ♪ SING IT EVERY DAY, YEAH ♪

♪ OH, JUST TRY TO SING A SONG ♪ ♪ SING IT EVERY DAY, YEAH ♪ ♪ GET YOUR HEART TOGETHER AND

♪ SING IT EVERY DAY, YEAH ♪ ♪ GET YOUR HEART TOGETHER AND SING A SONG ♪

♪ GET YOUR HEART TOGETHER AND SING A SONG ♪ ♪ OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪

SING A SONG ♪ ♪ OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪ ♪ SING A SONG ♪

♪ OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪ ♪ SING A SONG ♪ [APPLAUSE]

LOOK, MISS WEISS, I'LL SAY IT AGAIN... WE WOULD NOT BE SUSPENDING YOUR MASTERBANK CARD

AGAIN... WE WOULD NOT BE SUSPENDING YOUR MASTERBANK CARD IF YOU EXERCISED BETTER CONTROL

SUSPENDING YOUR MASTERBANK CARD IF YOU EXERCISED BETTER CONTROL OVER YOUR SPENDING.

IF YOU EXERCISED BETTER CONTROL OVER YOUR SPENDING. WELL, I AM TERRIBLY SORRY.

OVER YOUR SPENDING. WELL, I AM TERRIBLY SORRY. I CANNOT TELL YOU WHAT AN

WELL, I AM TERRIBLY SORRY. I CANNOT TELL YOU WHAT AN EMBARRASSMENT THIS IS FOR ME TO

I CANNOT TELL YOU WHAT AN EMBARRASSMENT THIS IS FOR ME TO BE CALLED IN HERE LIKE THIS.

EMBARRASSMENT THIS IS FOR ME TO BE CALLED IN HERE LIKE THIS. REGARDLESS, MISS WEISS, IT

BE CALLED IN HERE LIKE THIS. REGARDLESS, MISS WEISS, IT SEEMS TO HAVE HAPPENED.

REGARDLESS, MISS WEISS, IT SEEMS TO HAVE HAPPENED. THESE RECORDS ALL SHOW YOU ARE

SEEMS TO HAVE HAPPENED. THESE RECORDS ALL SHOW YOU ARE WAY OVER YOUR CREDIT LIMIT, AND

THESE RECORDS ALL SHOW YOU ARE WAY OVER YOUR CREDIT LIMIT, AND THE CARD MUST BE SUSPENDED.

WAY OVER YOUR CREDIT LIMIT, AND THE CARD MUST BE SUSPENDED. THEY SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES!

THE CARD MUST BE SUSPENDED. THEY SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES! HERE, LET'S LOOK AT YOUR

THEY SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES! HERE, LET'S LOOK AT YOUR RECEIPTS.

HERE, LET'S LOOK AT YOUR RECEIPTS. ALL RIGHT.

RECEIPTS. ALL RIGHT. NOW, THIS FIRST ONE...

ALL RIGHT. NOW, THIS FIRST ONE... OH, RIGHT, IT'S FOR THE SILK

NOW, THIS FIRST ONE... OH, RIGHT, IT'S FOR THE SILK BLOUSE I'M WEARING.

OH, RIGHT, IT'S FOR THE SILK BLOUSE I'M WEARING. FOR WHICH YOU PAID $65.39.

BLOUSE I'M WEARING. FOR WHICH YOU PAID $65.39. ON SALE.

FOR WHICH YOU PAID $65.39. ON SALE. YOU CALL THAT A SALE?

ON SALE. YOU CALL THAT A SALE? I GOT A SILK BLOUSE FOR $35 AT

YOU CALL THAT A SALE? I GOT A SILK BLOUSE FOR $35 AT SAKS!

I GOT A SILK BLOUSE FOR $35 AT SAKS! WELL, I GOT A SILK BLOUSE FOR

SAKS! WELL, I GOT A SILK BLOUSE FOR $20 AT BLOOMIE'S MARKED DOWN

WELL, I GOT A SILK BLOUSE FOR $20 AT BLOOMIE'S MARKED DOWN TWICE.

$20 AT BLOOMIE'S MARKED DOWN TWICE. I ONCE PURCHASED A PURE SILK

TWICE. I ONCE PURCHASED A PURE SILK BLOUSE FOR $10 AT BONWIT'S,

I ONCE PURCHASED A PURE SILK BLOUSE FOR $10 AT BONWIT'S, ORIGINALLY $99.

BLOUSE FOR $10 AT BONWIT'S, ORIGINALLY $99. WELL, I HAVE, IN MY

ORIGINALLY $99. WELL, I HAVE, IN MY POSSESSION, A 100% SILK BLOUSE

WELL, I HAVE, IN MY POSSESSION, A 100% SILK BLOUSE WHICH WAS GIVEN TO ME BY THE

POSSESSION, A 100% SILK BLOUSE WHICH WAS GIVEN TO ME BY THE HEAD BUYER AT GIMBELS FOR FREE.

WHICH WAS GIVEN TO ME BY THE HEAD BUYER AT GIMBELS FOR FREE. IT SO HAPPENS A FRIEND OF

HEAD BUYER AT GIMBELS FOR FREE. IT SO HAPPENS A FRIEND OF MINE ONCE PAID ME $10 TO TAKE A

IT SO HAPPENS A FRIEND OF MINE ONCE PAID ME $10 TO TAKE A SILK BLOUSE OFF HER HANDS WHEN

MINE ONCE PAID ME $10 TO TAKE A SILK BLOUSE OFF HER HANDS WHEN SHE WAS MOVING, YOU UNDERSTAND?

SILK BLOUSE OFF HER HANDS WHEN SHE WAS MOVING, YOU UNDERSTAND? YOU ACTUALLY MADE MONEY

SHE WAS MOVING, YOU UNDERSTAND? YOU ACTUALLY MADE MONEY GETTING A SILK BLOUSE?

YOU ACTUALLY MADE MONEY GETTING A SILK BLOUSE? AND IT IS SO GORGEOUS, IT'S

GETTING A SILK BLOUSE? AND IT IS SO GORGEOUS, IT'S TO DIE FROM... TO KILL YOURSELF

AND IT IS SO GORGEOUS, IT'S TO DIE FROM... TO KILL YOURSELF FROM!

TO DIE FROM... TO KILL YOURSELF FROM! YOU COULD TAKE A BOTTLE OF

FROM! YOU COULD TAKE A BOTTLE OF ASPIRIN, PUT A KNIFE THROUGH

YOU COULD TAKE A BOTTLE OF ASPIRIN, PUT A KNIFE THROUGH YOUR HEART, A BULLET THROUGH

ASPIRIN, PUT A KNIFE THROUGH YOUR HEART, A BULLET THROUGH YOUR HEAD, AND THROW YOURSELF

YOUR HEART, A BULLET THROUGH YOUR HEAD, AND THROW YOURSELF OUT A WINDOW FROM THIS BLOUSE!

YOUR HEAD, AND THROW YOURSELF OUT A WINDOW FROM THIS BLOUSE! NOT TO MENTION THE $10.

OUT A WINDOW FROM THIS BLOUSE! NOT TO MENTION THE $10. EXACTLY.

NOT TO MENTION THE $10. EXACTLY. NOW, THIS RECEIPT... FROM

EXACTLY. NOW, THIS RECEIPT... FROM SUN DRUGS FOR $25.95?

NOW, THIS RECEIPT... FROM SUN DRUGS FOR $25.95? OH, YEAH, NOW, THAT'S FOR

SUN DRUGS FOR $25.95? OH, YEAH, NOW, THAT'S FOR SEVERAL THINGS.

OH, YEAH, NOW, THAT'S FOR SEVERAL THINGS. FOR INSTANCE?

SEVERAL THINGS. FOR INSTANCE? WELL, UH, FIRST OF ALL, ONCE

FOR INSTANCE? WELL, UH, FIRST OF ALL, ONCE A MONTH...

WELL, UH, FIRST OF ALL, ONCE A MONTH... OH, YES. OH, YES.

A MONTH... OH, YES. OH, YES. WELL, ALL I CAN TELL YOU IS,

OH, YES. OH, YES. WELL, ALL I CAN TELL YOU IS, ON THE FIRST DAY I GO THROUGH

WELL, ALL I CAN TELL YOU IS, ON THE FIRST DAY I GO THROUGH ONE EVERY HALF-HOUR.

ON THE FIRST DAY I GO THROUGH ONE EVERY HALF-HOUR. ON MY FIRST DAY, I GO THROUGH

ONE EVERY HALF-HOUR. ON MY FIRST DAY, I GO THROUGH TWO EVERY 15 MINUTES.

ON MY FIRST DAY, I GO THROUGH TWO EVERY 15 MINUTES. PLUS, I GET SO BLOATED, I

TWO EVERY 15 MINUTES. PLUS, I GET SO BLOATED, I CANNOT ZIP MY PANTS.

PLUS, I GET SO BLOATED, I CANNOT ZIP MY PANTS. I MEAN, WE ARE TALKING

CANNOT ZIP MY PANTS. I MEAN, WE ARE TALKING MISS BLIMP.

I MEAN, WE ARE TALKING MISS BLIMP. BLOAT? BLOAT?!

MISS BLIMP. BLOAT? BLOAT?! YOU WANT TO TALK FROM BLOAT?!

BLOAT? BLOAT?! YOU WANT TO TALK FROM BLOAT?! I RETAIN WATER LIKE A RESERVOIR!

YOU WANT TO TALK FROM BLOAT?! I RETAIN WATER LIKE A RESERVOIR! BUT EVEN WORSE, I GET SO SORE I

I RETAIN WATER LIKE A RESERVOIR! BUT EVEN WORSE, I GET SO SORE I CANNOT SLEEP ON MY STOMACH, YOU

BUT EVEN WORSE, I GET SO SORE I CANNOT SLEEP ON MY STOMACH, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

CANNOT SLEEP ON MY STOMACH, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? DO I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?

KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? DO I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING? LISTEN, I'M JUST LUCKY IF I CAN

DO I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING? LISTEN, I'M JUST LUCKY IF I CAN PUT ON A BLOUSE!

LISTEN, I'M JUST LUCKY IF I CAN PUT ON A BLOUSE! AND THEN, OF COURSE, THERE'S

PUT ON A BLOUSE! AND THEN, OF COURSE, THERE'S THE CRAMPS.

AND THEN, OF COURSE, THERE'S THE CRAMPS. WELL, DON'T TALK TO ME!

THE CRAMPS. WELL, DON'T TALK TO ME! I DROP DEAD FOR 24 HOURS.

WELL, DON'T TALK TO ME! I DROP DEAD FOR 24 HOURS. IS THAT ALL?

I DROP DEAD FOR 24 HOURS. IS THAT ALL? MINE LAST FOR A WEEK, AND THEY

IS THAT ALL? MINE LAST FOR A WEEK, AND THEY START THE WEEK BEFORE.

MINE LAST FOR A WEEK, AND THEY START THE WEEK BEFORE. WELL, WHEN I GET THOSE, THEY

START THE WEEK BEFORE. WELL, WHEN I GET THOSE, THEY START TWO WEEKS BEFORE AND GO

WELL, WHEN I GET THOSE, THEY START TWO WEEKS BEFORE AND GO FOR A WEEK AFTER.

START TWO WEEKS BEFORE AND GO FOR A WEEK AFTER. WE'RE TALKING CRAMPS FOR ONE

FOR A WEEK AFTER. WE'RE TALKING CRAMPS FOR ONE ENTIRE MONTH.

WE'RE TALKING CRAMPS FOR ONE ENTIRE MONTH. I MEAN, ONE ENDS, AND AN HOUR

ENTIRE MONTH. I MEAN, ONE ENDS, AND AN HOUR LATER, MISS BLIMP DROPS DEAD.

I MEAN, ONE ENDS, AND AN HOUR LATER, MISS BLIMP DROPS DEAD. WELL, THAT EXPLAINS THE

LATER, MISS BLIMP DROPS DEAD. WELL, THAT EXPLAINS THE DRUGSTORE.

WELL, THAT EXPLAINS THE DRUGSTORE. NOW...

DRUGSTORE. NOW... LI PHA HO'S RESTAURANT, $15.

NOW... LI PHA HO'S RESTAURANT, $15. YOU LIKE CHINESE FOOD?

LI PHA HO'S RESTAURANT, $15. YOU LIKE CHINESE FOOD? IT'S MY LIFE.

YOU LIKE CHINESE FOOD? IT'S MY LIFE. WELL, I KNOW WHERE TO GET THE

IT'S MY LIFE. WELL, I KNOW WHERE TO GET THE BEST CHINESE FOOD IN NEW YORK.

WELL, I KNOW WHERE TO GET THE BEST CHINESE FOOD IN NEW YORK. WHERE?

BEST CHINESE FOOD IN NEW YORK. WHERE? THE EAST SIDE. WONG'S.

WHERE? THE EAST SIDE. WONG'S. VERY FEW PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT IT.

THE EAST SIDE. WONG'S. VERY FEW PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT IT. REALLY?

VERY FEW PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT IT. REALLY? WELL, I KNOW WHERE TO GET THE

REALLY? WELL, I KNOW WHERE TO GET THE BEST CHINESE FOOD IN THE

WELL, I KNOW WHERE TO GET THE BEST CHINESE FOOD IN THE COUNTRY.

BEST CHINESE FOOD IN THE COUNTRY. WHERE?

COUNTRY. WHERE? DENVER. HONG'S.

WHERE? DENVER. HONG'S. NOBODY KNOWS ABOUT IT.

DENVER. HONG'S. NOBODY KNOWS ABOUT IT. I KNOW WHERE TO GET THE BEST

NOBODY KNOWS ABOUT IT. I KNOW WHERE TO GET THE BEST CHINESE FOOD IN THE WORLD.

I KNOW WHERE TO GET THE BEST CHINESE FOOD IN THE WORLD. WHERE?

CHINESE FOOD IN THE WORLD. WHERE? CHINA.

WHERE? CHINA. EVEN I DON'T KNOW ABOUT IT.

CHINA. EVEN I DON'T KNOW ABOUT IT. THEY BLINDFOLD YOU BEFORE YOU GO

EVEN I DON'T KNOW ABOUT IT. THEY BLINDFOLD YOU BEFORE YOU GO IN SO YOU DON'T SEE THE NAME.

THEY BLINDFOLD YOU BEFORE YOU GO IN SO YOU DON'T SEE THE NAME. OH, SUCH CUTE EARRINGS.

IN SO YOU DON'T SEE THE NAME. OH, SUCH CUTE EARRINGS. OH, I GOT THEM FROM MY

OH, SUCH CUTE EARRINGS. OH, I GOT THEM FROM MY BROTHER.

OH, I GOT THEM FROM MY BROTHER. HE'S A DENTIST AND A JEWELER.

BROTHER. HE'S A DENTIST AND A JEWELER. REALLY?

HE'S A DENTIST AND A JEWELER. REALLY? MY BROTHER'S A DOCTOR AND A

REALLY? MY BROTHER'S A DOCTOR AND A LAWYER.

MY BROTHER'S A DOCTOR AND A LAWYER. REALLY?

LAWYER. REALLY? AND A FURRIER.

REALLY? AND A FURRIER. WHEN I HAD MY ACCIDENT, HE

AND A FURRIER. WHEN I HAD MY ACCIDENT, HE EXAMINED ME, DEFENDED ME, AND

WHEN I HAD MY ACCIDENT, HE EXAMINED ME, DEFENDED ME, AND REPLACED MY COAT.

EXAMINED ME, DEFENDED ME, AND REPLACED MY COAT. WELL, MY OTHER BROTHER IS A

REPLACED MY COAT. WELL, MY OTHER BROTHER IS A DENTIST, A JEWELER, A DOCTOR, A

WELL, MY OTHER BROTHER IS A DENTIST, A JEWELER, A DOCTOR, A LAWYER, AN ACCOUNTANT, AND THE

DENTIST, A JEWELER, A DOCTOR, A LAWYER, AN ACCOUNTANT, AND THE OWNER OF A SWEET'N LOW FACTORY.

LAWYER, AN ACCOUNTANT, AND THE OWNER OF A SWEET'N LOW FACTORY. OH, HOW NICE FOR YOU.

OWNER OF A SWEET'N LOW FACTORY. OH, HOW NICE FOR YOU. WELL, MISS WEISS, I THINK YOU

OH, HOW NICE FOR YOU. WELL, MISS WEISS, I THINK YOU UNDERSTAND WE'LL BE EXPECTING A

WELL, MISS WEISS, I THINK YOU UNDERSTAND WE'LL BE EXPECTING A PAYMENT FROM YOU WITHIN THE

UNDERSTAND WE'LL BE EXPECTING A PAYMENT FROM YOU WITHIN THE MONTH.

PAYMENT FROM YOU WITHIN THE MONTH. WELL, LOOK, COULD I HAVE A

MONTH. WELL, LOOK, COULD I HAVE A LITTLE EXTENSION?

WELL, LOOK, COULD I HAVE A LITTLE EXTENSION? I MEAN, I'M HAVING MY NAILS

LITTLE EXTENSION? I MEAN, I'M HAVING MY NAILS WRAPPED, AND I'M NOT ALLOWED TO

I MEAN, I'M HAVING MY NAILS WRAPPED, AND I'M NOT ALLOWED TO HOLD A PEN FOR FOUR WEEKS.

WRAPPED, AND I'M NOT ALLOWED TO HOLD A PEN FOR FOUR WEEKS. WELL, WHY DON'T YOU USE THE

HOLD A PEN FOR FOUR WEEKS. WELL, WHY DON'T YOU USE THE PADDY NAILS?

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU USE THE PADDY NAILS? THEY'RE WONDERFUL! YOU CAN TYPE!

PADDY NAILS? THEY'RE WONDERFUL! YOU CAN TYPE! REALLY?

THEY'RE WONDERFUL! YOU CAN TYPE! REALLY? YES!

REALLY? YES! I TYPED ALL YOUR WARNINGS.

YES! I TYPED ALL YOUR WARNINGS. WHERE DO YOU GET 'EM?

I TYPED ALL YOUR WARNINGS. WHERE DO YOU GET 'EM? A LITTLE PLACE DOWNSTAIRS.

WHERE DO YOU GET 'EM? A LITTLE PLACE DOWNSTAIRS. I'M GOING THERE IN 10 MINUTES.

A LITTLE PLACE DOWNSTAIRS. I'M GOING THERE IN 10 MINUTES. WELL, CAN I COME ALONG?

I'M GOING THERE IN 10 MINUTES. WELL, CAN I COME ALONG? OH, MISS WEISS, I REPEAT...

WELL, CAN I COME ALONG? OH, MISS WEISS, I REPEAT... LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.

OH, MISS WEISS, I REPEAT... LOOK, LOOK, LOOK. I KNOW A DIET WHERE YOU CAN LOSE

LOOK, LOOK, LOOK. I KNOW A DIET WHERE YOU CAN LOSE 100 POUNDS IN ONE HOUR.

I KNOW A DIET WHERE YOU CAN LOSE 100 POUNDS IN ONE HOUR. YOU CAN USE MY CARD.

100 POUNDS IN ONE HOUR. YOU CAN USE MY CARD. THANKS.