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All language subtitles for SNL S02E10 Candice Bergen.DVDRip.HI.RLP.cc.en.UNVSL

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,603 --> 00:00:09,086 OH, PATTY, I'M SO HAPPY YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO SPEND THE HOLIDAYS IN THAT AWFUL PRISON. 2 00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:11,554 DIDN'T HAVE TO SPEND THE HOLIDAYS IN THAT AWFUL PRISON. ME TOO, SIS. 3 00:00:11,578 --> 00:00:14,291 HOLIDAYS IN THAT AWFUL PRISON. ME TOO, SIS. WELL, I'M VERY THANKFUL. 4 00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:15,959 ME TOO, SIS. WELL, I'M VERY THANKFUL. WE HAVE SO MUCH TO BE 5 00:00:15,983 --> 00:00:16,960 WELL, I'M VERY THANKFUL. WE HAVE SO MUCH TO BE THANKFUL FOR. 6 00:00:16,984 --> 00:00:18,295 WE HAVE SO MUCH TO BE THANKFUL FOR. THE WORST IS OVER. 7 00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:19,262 THANKFUL FOR. THE WORST IS OVER. YOU'RE HOME. 8 00:00:19,286 --> 00:00:21,465 THE WORST IS OVER. YOU'RE HOME. AND WE'RE STILL RICH. 9 00:00:21,489 --> 00:00:22,765 YOU'RE HOME. AND WE'RE STILL RICH. OKAY, NOW, LOOK AT THIS. 10 00:00:22,789 --> 00:00:24,167 AND WE'RE STILL RICH. OKAY, NOW, LOOK AT THIS. WE'VE GOT "SHELTER" ON THE 11 00:00:24,191 --> 00:00:24,901 OKAY, NOW, LOOK AT THIS. WE'VE GOT "SHELTER" ON THE BOARD HERE. 12 00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:28,005 WE'VE GOT "SHELTER" ON THE BOARD HERE. SO, THAT'S "T"... 13 00:00:28,029 --> 00:00:30,573 BOARD HERE. SO, THAT'S "T"... "A"... 14 00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:31,441 SO, THAT'S "T"... "A"... "X." 15 00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:33,377 "A"... "X." "TAX SHELTER." 16 00:00:33,401 --> 00:00:35,412 "X." "TAX SHELTER." A TRIPLE-WORD SCORE ON THE "X." 17 00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:36,646 "TAX SHELTER." A TRIPLE-WORD SCORE ON THE "X." THAT'S 44 POINTS. 18 00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:37,647 A TRIPLE-WORD SCORE ON THE "X." THAT'S 44 POINTS. [CHUCKLES] 19 00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:39,949 THAT'S 44 POINTS. [CHUCKLES] VERY GOOD, RANDY. 20 00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:41,251 [CHUCKLES] VERY GOOD, RANDY. NOW, LET'S SEE. 21 00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:45,588 VERY GOOD, RANDY. NOW, LET'S SEE. THAT'S FATHER... 391. 22 00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:47,424 NOW, LET'S SEE. THAT'S FATHER... 391. MOTHER, 304. 23 00:00:47,448 --> 00:00:50,260 THAT'S FATHER... 391. MOTHER, 304. ANNE... YOU HAVE 217. 24 00:00:50,284 --> 00:00:53,063 MOTHER, 304. ANNE... YOU HAVE 217. AND PATTY, 37. 25 00:00:53,087 --> 00:00:55,098 ANNE... YOU HAVE 217. AND PATTY, 37. WELL, I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT 26 00:00:55,122 --> 00:00:55,932 AND PATTY, 37. WELL, I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT SCRABBLE. 27 00:00:55,956 --> 00:00:57,567 WELL, I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT SCRABBLE. YOU SHOULD TRY FOR LONGER 28 00:00:57,591 --> 00:00:58,435 SCRABBLE. YOU SHOULD TRY FOR LONGER WORDS, PATTY. 29 00:00:58,459 --> 00:01:00,170 YOU SHOULD TRY FOR LONGER WORDS, PATTY. I MEAN, "PIG" AND "GUN" AREN'T 30 00:01:00,194 --> 00:01:01,704 WORDS, PATTY. I MEAN, "PIG" AND "GUN" AREN'T GONNA GET YOU MANY POINTS. 31 00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:03,073 I MEAN, "PIG" AND "GUN" AREN'T GONNA GET YOU MANY POINTS. GO AHEAD, HONEY. 32 00:01:03,097 --> 00:01:04,241 GONNA GET YOU MANY POINTS. GO AHEAD, HONEY. IT'S YOUR TURN. 33 00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:08,178 GO AHEAD, HONEY. IT'S YOUR TURN. [SIGHS] OKAY. 34 00:01:08,202 --> 00:01:09,312 IT'S YOUR TURN. [SIGHS] OKAY. THERE. 35 00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:11,314 [SIGHS] OKAY. THERE. WHAT'S THAT WORD SUPPOSED TO 36 00:01:11,338 --> 00:01:11,748 THERE. WHAT'S THAT WORD SUPPOSED TO BE? 37 00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:14,384 WHAT'S THAT WORD SUPPOSED TO BE? "SLAW," LIKE IN "COLESLAW." 38 00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:17,487 BE? "SLAW," LIKE IN "COLESLAW." YOU DON'T SPELL "SLAW" S-L-A. 39 00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:18,788 "SLAW," LIKE IN "COLESLAW." YOU DON'T SPELL "SLAW" S-L-A. CHEATER! 40 00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:19,956 YOU DON'T SPELL "SLAW" S-L-A. CHEATER! OH, YOU STOP IT! 41 00:01:19,980 --> 00:01:21,525 CHEATER! OH, YOU STOP IT! OH, NOW, COME ON, GIRLS. 42 00:01:21,549 --> 00:01:22,926 OH, YOU STOP IT! OH, NOW, COME ON, GIRLS. THERE, THERE, REALLY. 43 00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:24,861 OH, NOW, COME ON, GIRLS. THERE, THERE, REALLY. NOW, ANNE, PATTY'S NOT CHEATING. 44 00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:26,129 THERE, THERE, REALLY. NOW, ANNE, PATTY'S NOT CHEATING. SHE'S JUST CONFUSED. 45 00:01:26,153 --> 00:01:27,664 NOW, ANNE, PATTY'S NOT CHEATING. SHE'S JUST CONFUSED. OH, PATTY'S CONFUSED. 46 00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:29,366 SHE'S JUST CONFUSED. OH, PATTY'S CONFUSED. IT'S ALWAYS "PATTY" THIS AND 47 00:01:29,390 --> 00:01:30,300 OH, PATTY'S CONFUSED. IT'S ALWAYS "PATTY" THIS AND "PATTY" THAT. 48 00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:31,734 IT'S ALWAYS "PATTY" THIS AND "PATTY" THAT. YOU WANT TO KNOW WHO THE REAL 49 00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:32,369 "PATTY" THAT. YOU WANT TO KNOW WHO THE REAL VICTIM IS? 50 00:01:32,393 --> 00:01:34,704 YOU WANT TO KNOW WHO THE REAL VICTIM IS? ME! ME! ME! 51 00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:35,805 VICTIM IS? ME! ME! ME! COME ON, GIRLS. 52 00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:37,974 ME! ME! ME! COME ON, GIRLS. HERE COMES MISS PATTY'S 53 00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:39,176 COME ON, GIRLS. HERE COMES MISS PATTY'S FAVORITE. 54 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,411 HERE COMES MISS PATTY'S FAVORITE. EGGNOG ALA FRANKLIN. 55 00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:42,645 FAVORITE. EGGNOG ALA FRANKLIN. THANK YOU, FRANKLIN. 56 00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:45,748 EGGNOG ALA FRANKLIN. THANK YOU, FRANKLIN. YOU'RE WELCOME, MISS HEARST. 57 00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:47,584 THANK YOU, FRANKLIN. YOU'RE WELCOME, MISS HEARST. MMM. IT'S GOOD. 58 00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:49,052 YOU'RE WELCOME, MISS HEARST. MMM. IT'S GOOD. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, 59 00:01:49,076 --> 00:01:49,786 MMM. IT'S GOOD. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, FRANKLIN. 60 00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:52,189 THANK YOU VERY MUCH, FRANKLIN. FRANKLIN, DO YOU FEEL 61 00:01:52,213 --> 00:01:54,057 FRANKLIN. FRANKLIN, DO YOU FEEL EXPLOITED BY MY FAMILY? 62 00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:58,128 FRANKLIN, DO YOU FEEL EXPLOITED BY MY FAMILY? UH... WHY, NO, MISS HEARST. 63 00:01:58,152 --> 00:02:00,597 EXPLOITED BY MY FAMILY? UH... WHY, NO, MISS HEARST. I DON'T FEEL EXPLOITED. 64 00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,466 UH... WHY, NO, MISS HEARST. I DON'T FEEL EXPLOITED. FRANKLIN, TAKE NEXT WEEK OFF. 65 00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:03,467 I DON'T FEEL EXPLOITED. FRANKLIN, TAKE NEXT WEEK OFF. YOU DESERVE IT. 66 00:02:03,491 --> 00:02:04,601 FRANKLIN, TAKE NEXT WEEK OFF. YOU DESERVE IT. THANK YOU, SIR. 67 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:06,169 YOU DESERVE IT. THANK YOU, SIR. WHY DON'T WE PUT AWAY THE 68 00:02:06,193 --> 00:02:07,704 THANK YOU, SIR. WHY DON'T WE PUT AWAY THE SCRABBLE GAME AND JUST RELAX 69 00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:08,538 WHY DON'T WE PUT AWAY THE SCRABBLE GAME AND JUST RELAX WITH SOME TV? 70 00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:09,639 SCRABBLE GAME AND JUST RELAX WITH SOME TV? GOOD IDEA. 71 00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:14,111 WITH SOME TV? GOOD IDEA. LET'S ESCAPE INTO THE TV. 72 00:02:14,135 --> 00:02:19,949 GOOD IDEA. LET'S ESCAPE INTO THE TV. [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 73 00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,784 LET'S ESCAPE INTO THE TV. [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] TONIGHT ON "S.W.A.T.," A 74 00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:23,686 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] TONIGHT ON "S.W.A.T.," A WEALTHY NEWSPAPER HEIRESS IS 75 00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:25,788 TONIGHT ON "S.W.A.T.," A WEALTHY NEWSPAPER HEIRESS IS KIDNAPPED BY A RADICAL TERRORIST 76 00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:29,726 WEALTHY NEWSPAPER HEIRESS IS KIDNAPPED BY A RADICAL TERRORIST GROUP, RANSOM FOR A CHINA D... 77 00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,628 KIDNAPPED BY A RADICAL TERRORIST GROUP, RANSOM FOR A CHINA D... A KIDNAP VICTIM BECOMES THE 78 00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,497 GROUP, RANSOM FOR A CHINA D... A KIDNAP VICTIM BECOMES THE UNWILLING ACCOMPLICE IN A BANK 79 00:02:33,521 --> 00:02:34,964 A KIDNAP VICTIM BECOMES THE UNWILLING ACCOMPLICE IN A BANK ROBBERY ON "HAWAII..." 80 00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:37,434 UNWILLING ACCOMPLICE IN A BANK ROBBERY ON "HAWAII..." TONIGHT ON "CINEMA CLASSICS," 81 00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:39,802 ROBBERY ON "HAWAII..." TONIGHT ON "CINEMA CLASSICS," ORSON WELLES' IMMORTAL "CITIZEN 82 00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:43,373 TONIGHT ON "CINEMA CLASSICS," ORSON WELLES' IMMORTAL "CITIZEN KANE." 83 00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:45,475 ORSON WELLES' IMMORTAL "CITIZEN KANE." WE AT KNOO FEEL THAT PATTY 84 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,744 KANE." WE AT KNOO FEEL THAT PATTY HAS BEEN EXPLOITED BY THE MEDIA. 85 00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:49,412 WE AT KNOO FEEL THAT PATTY HAS BEEN EXPLOITED BY THE MEDIA. WHERE IS THE DECENCY THAT SHOULD 86 00:02:49,436 --> 00:02:51,014 HAS BEEN EXPLOITED BY THE MEDIA. WHERE IS THE DECENCY THAT SHOULD BE AFFORDED THIS YOUNG GIRL WHO 87 00:02:51,038 --> 00:02:56,486 WHERE IS THE DECENCY THAT SHOULD BE AFFORDED THIS YOUNG GIRL WHO HAS UNDERGONE S... 88 00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:58,921 BE AFFORDED THIS YOUNG GIRL WHO HAS UNDERGONE S... WHAT SHOW IS THIS? 89 00:02:58,945 --> 00:03:00,957 HAS UNDERGONE S... WHAT SHOW IS THIS? OH, IT'S NBC's "SATURDAY 90 00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:01,724 WHAT SHOW IS THIS? OH, IT'S NBC's "SATURDAY NIGHT." 91 00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:03,326 OH, IT'S NBC's "SATURDAY NIGHT." IT'S MY FAVORITE SHOW. 92 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:04,827 NIGHT." IT'S MY FAVORITE SHOW. I USED TO WATCH IT ALL THE TIME 93 00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:05,428 IT'S MY FAVORITE SHOW. I USED TO WATCH IT ALL THE TIME IN PRISON. 94 00:03:05,452 --> 00:03:06,763 I USED TO WATCH IT ALL THE TIME IN PRISON. I COULD ALWAYS DEPEND ON IT 95 00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:08,632 IN PRISON. I COULD ALWAYS DEPEND ON IT BEING TASTEFUL. 96 00:03:08,656 --> 00:03:10,867 I COULD ALWAYS DEPEND ON IT BEING TASTEFUL. OH, HERE'S MY FAVORITE PART, 97 00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:12,001 BEING TASTEFUL. OH, HERE'S MY FAVORITE PART, WHERE THEY SAY... 98 00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,037 OH, HERE'S MY FAVORITE PART, WHERE THEY SAY... LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S 99 00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:16,381 WHERE THEY SAY... LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"! 100 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:35,207 Announcer: NBC's "SATURDAY NIGHT"... STARRING CANDICE BERGEN... 101 00:03:45,991 --> 00:03:49,828 WITH HER SPECIAL GUEST, FRANK ZAPPA... 102 00:03:55,801 --> 00:03:59,204 AND THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME PLAYERS... 103 00:04:13,653 --> 00:04:17,789 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CANDICE BERGEN! 104 00:04:57,863 --> 00:05:01,311 CANDY? THEY'RE WAITING FOR YOU. YOU'VE GOT TO COME OUT. 105 00:05:01,335 --> 00:05:02,512 THEY'RE WAITING FOR YOU. YOU'VE GOT TO COME OUT. THE SHOW'S STARTED. 106 00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:04,681 YOU'VE GOT TO COME OUT. THE SHOW'S STARTED. UM... I-I REALLY CAN'T DO IT, 107 00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:05,282 THE SHOW'S STARTED. UM... I-I REALLY CAN'T DO IT, JANE. 108 00:05:05,306 --> 00:05:07,016 UM... I-I REALLY CAN'T DO IT, JANE. I'M JUST TOO FRIGHTENED. 109 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:08,217 JANE. I'M JUST TOO FRIGHTENED. CANDY, THAT'S SILLY! 110 00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:09,819 I'M JUST TOO FRIGHTENED. CANDY, THAT'S SILLY! YOU'VE DONE THE SHOW BEFORE, AND 111 00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:10,587 CANDY, THAT'S SILLY! YOU'VE DONE THE SHOW BEFORE, AND IT WAS GREAT. 112 00:05:10,611 --> 00:05:12,522 YOU'VE DONE THE SHOW BEFORE, AND IT WAS GREAT. WELL, IT'S JUST THAT I ONLY 113 00:05:12,546 --> 00:05:14,557 IT WAS GREAT. WELL, IT'S JUST THAT I ONLY DID IT TO BE CLOSE TO HIM, JANE. 114 00:05:14,581 --> 00:05:15,458 WELL, IT'S JUST THAT I ONLY DID IT TO BE CLOSE TO HIM, JANE. DON'T YOU SEE? 115 00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:16,993 DID IT TO BE CLOSE TO HIM, JANE. DON'T YOU SEE? WHEN I WAS WITH HIM, I WASN'T 116 00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:18,060 DON'T YOU SEE? WHEN I WAS WITH HIM, I WASN'T AFRAID OF ANYTHING! 117 00:05:18,084 --> 00:05:19,429 WHEN I WAS WITH HIM, I WASN'T AFRAID OF ANYTHING! CANDY, FORGET HIM, 118 00:05:19,453 --> 00:05:20,797 AFRAID OF ANYTHING! CANDY, FORGET HIM, HE'S NOT WORTH IT. 119 00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:22,332 CANDY, FORGET HIM, HE'S NOT WORTH IT. NO MAN IS, ESPECIALLY 120 00:05:22,356 --> 00:05:24,200 HE'S NOT WORTH IT. NO MAN IS, ESPECIALLY JOHN BELUSHI. 121 00:05:24,224 --> 00:05:26,636 NO MAN IS, ESPECIALLY JOHN BELUSHI. I CAN'T FORGET HIM, JANE. 122 00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,805 JOHN BELUSHI. I CAN'T FORGET HIM, JANE. WE SHARED SO MUCH TOGETHER. 123 00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,774 I CAN'T FORGET HIM, JANE. WE SHARED SO MUCH TOGETHER. WHEN HE HELD ME IN HIS ARMS, WE 124 00:05:30,798 --> 00:05:33,510 WE SHARED SO MUCH TOGETHER. WHEN HE HELD ME IN HIS ARMS, WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL. 125 00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:35,912 WHEN HE HELD ME IN HIS ARMS, WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL. CANDY, THAT WAS CELLULITE YOU 126 00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:38,281 HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL. CANDY, THAT WAS CELLULITE YOU FELT. 127 00:05:38,305 --> 00:05:39,749 CANDY, THAT WAS CELLULITE YOU FELT. IT'S NOT CELLULITE. 128 00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:41,484 FELT. IT'S NOT CELLULITE. JOHN JUST GIVES THAT APPEARANCE 129 00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:42,385 IT'S NOT CELLULITE. JOHN JUST GIVES THAT APPEARANCE ON TELEVISION. 130 00:05:42,409 --> 00:05:43,653 JOHN JUST GIVES THAT APPEARANCE ON TELEVISION. HE EXPLAINED IT TO ME. 131 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,221 ON TELEVISION. HE EXPLAINED IT TO ME. THE CAMERA MAKES HIM LOOK 50 132 00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:47,123 HE EXPLAINED IT TO ME. THE CAMERA MAKES HIM LOOK 50 POUNDS HEAVIER. 133 00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:48,891 THE CAMERA MAKES HIM LOOK 50 POUNDS HEAVIER. JANE, WHAT'S THE MATTER? 134 00:05:48,915 --> 00:05:49,659 POUNDS HEAVIER. JANE, WHAT'S THE MATTER? IT'S JOHN AGAIN. 135 00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:50,893 JANE, WHAT'S THE MATTER? IT'S JOHN AGAIN. [SIGHS] 136 00:05:50,917 --> 00:05:52,796 IT'S JOHN AGAIN. [SIGHS] I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT. 137 00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:54,564 [SIGHS] I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT. WHAT IS THIS POWER THAT BELUSHI 138 00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:55,565 I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT. WHAT IS THIS POWER THAT BELUSHI HAS OVER WOMEN? 139 00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:57,266 WHAT IS THIS POWER THAT BELUSHI HAS OVER WOMEN? THEY GO BONKERS OVER HIM, AND 140 00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:58,935 HAS OVER WOMEN? THEY GO BONKERS OVER HIM, AND ALL HE DOES IS WALK ALL OVER 141 00:05:58,959 --> 00:05:59,436 THEY GO BONKERS OVER HIM, AND ALL HE DOES IS WALK ALL OVER THEM. 142 00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:01,137 ALL HE DOES IS WALK ALL OVER THEM. SHE WON'T COME OUT? 143 00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:02,405 THEM. SHE WON'T COME OUT? NO. 144 00:06:02,429 --> 00:06:03,606 SHE WON'T COME OUT? NO. I'LL FIND JOHN. 145 00:06:03,630 --> 00:06:04,341 NO. I'LL FIND JOHN. OKAY. 146 00:06:04,365 --> 00:06:05,442 I'LL FIND JOHN. OKAY. STAY WITH CANDY. 147 00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:06,108 OKAY. STAY WITH CANDY. OKAY. 148 00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:08,878 STAY WITH CANDY. OKAY. CANDY, LOOK WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO 149 00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:09,946 OKAY. CANDY, LOOK WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO YOURSELF. 150 00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:11,548 CANDY, LOOK WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO YOURSELF. I DON'T CARE, JANE. 151 00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:13,650 YOURSELF. I DON'T CARE, JANE. WHY WON'T JOHN AT LEAST TALK TO 152 00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:14,116 I DON'T CARE, JANE. WHY WON'T JOHN AT LEAST TALK TO ME? 153 00:06:14,140 --> 00:06:15,885 WHY WON'T JOHN AT LEAST TALK TO ME? BECAUSE HE'S AN ANIMAL. 154 00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:16,686 ME? BECAUSE HE'S AN ANIMAL. I KNOW. 155 00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,120 BECAUSE HE'S AN ANIMAL. I KNOW. THAT'S WHY I LOVE HIM. 156 00:06:18,144 --> 00:06:19,656 I KNOW. THAT'S WHY I LOVE HIM. CANDY, HE'S NO GOOD. 157 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,391 THAT'S WHY I LOVE HIM. CANDY, HE'S NO GOOD. HE'S HAD HIS WAY WITH EVERY 158 00:06:21,415 --> 00:06:23,259 CANDY, HE'S NO GOOD. HE'S HAD HIS WAY WITH EVERY SINGLE WOMAN ON THIS NETWORK. 159 00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:24,927 HE'S HAD HIS WAY WITH EVERY SINGLE WOMAN ON THIS NETWORK. WHY DO YOU THINK BARBARA WALTERS 160 00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:25,395 SINGLE WOMAN ON THIS NETWORK. WHY DO YOU THINK BARBARA WALTERS LEFT? 161 00:06:25,419 --> 00:06:26,629 WHY DO YOU THINK BARBARA WALTERS LEFT? IT WASN'T MONEY. 162 00:06:26,653 --> 00:06:30,266 LEFT? IT WASN'T MONEY. IT WAS BELUSHI. 163 00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:31,634 IT WASN'T MONEY. IT WAS BELUSHI. CANDY, COME ON. 164 00:06:31,658 --> 00:06:32,635 IT WAS BELUSHI. CANDY, COME ON. PLEASE? 165 00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:34,170 CANDY, COME ON. PLEASE? I'M SORRY, JANE. 166 00:06:34,194 --> 00:06:35,638 PLEASE? I'M SORRY, JANE. I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS FOR 167 00:06:35,662 --> 00:06:43,312 I'M SORRY, JANE. I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS FOR YOU, ALL RIGHT? 168 00:06:43,336 --> 00:06:45,081 I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS FOR YOU, ALL RIGHT? GO AWAY! 169 00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:46,349 YOU, ALL RIGHT? GO AWAY! CANDY? 170 00:06:46,373 --> 00:06:49,753 GO AWAY! CANDY? GET OUT HERE. 171 00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:50,820 CANDY? GET OUT HERE. JOHN? 172 00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:54,290 GET OUT HERE. JOHN? OH, JOHN. 173 00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:55,458 JOHN? OH, JOHN. CANDY. 174 00:06:55,482 --> 00:06:56,726 OH, JOHN. CANDY. LISTEN, CANDY, BABY. 175 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,428 CANDY. LISTEN, CANDY, BABY. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, BUT... BUT 176 00:06:58,452 --> 00:07:01,230 LISTEN, CANDY, BABY. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, BUT... BUT IT'S OVER. 177 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:02,565 I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, BUT... BUT IT'S OVER. IT CAN'T BE. 178 00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:04,333 IT'S OVER. IT CAN'T BE. YOU'RE JUST ANGRY, THAT'S ALL. 179 00:07:04,357 --> 00:07:06,135 IT CAN'T BE. YOU'RE JUST ANGRY, THAT'S ALL. LISTEN, JOHN, I'LL DO ANYTHING. 180 00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:07,036 YOU'RE JUST ANGRY, THAT'S ALL. LISTEN, JOHN, I'LL DO ANYTHING. I DON'T CARE! 181 00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:08,605 LISTEN, JOHN, I'LL DO ANYTHING. I DON'T CARE! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? 182 00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:09,972 I DON'T CARE! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? IT'S NOT YOU, CANDY. 183 00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:10,607 WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? IT'S NOT YOU, CANDY. IT'S ME. 184 00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:12,409 IT'S NOT YOU, CANDY. IT'S ME. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL 185 00:07:12,433 --> 00:07:12,842 IT'S ME. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU? 186 00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:14,176 HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU? IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. 187 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:15,445 YOU? IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? 188 00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:16,513 IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? I'LL ONLY HURT YOU! 189 00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:17,414 DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? I'LL ONLY HURT YOU! I KNOW, I KNOW! 190 00:07:17,438 --> 00:07:19,516 I'LL ONLY HURT YOU! I KNOW, I KNOW! THAT'S WHAT I WANT, JOHN! 191 00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:22,018 I KNOW, I KNOW! THAT'S WHAT I WANT, JOHN! JOHN, NICE GUYS ARE A DIME A 192 00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:22,852 THAT'S WHAT I WANT, JOHN! JOHN, NICE GUYS ARE A DIME A DOZEN. 193 00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:25,588 JOHN, NICE GUYS ARE A DIME A DOZEN. I'M ATTRACTED TO... SWILL! 194 00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:26,956 DOZEN. I'M ATTRACTED TO... SWILL! AH, I WOULDN'T BELIEVE 195 00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:28,625 I'M ATTRACTED TO... SWILL! AH, I WOULDN'T BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU TOLD ME RIGHT NOW. 196 00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:30,092 AH, I WOULDN'T BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU TOLD ME RIGHT NOW. YOU'D SAY ANYTHING TO GET WHAT 197 00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:30,660 ANYTHING YOU TOLD ME RIGHT NOW. YOU'D SAY ANYTHING TO GET WHAT YOU WANT. 198 00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:32,429 YOU'D SAY ANYTHING TO GET WHAT YOU WANT. JOHN, CAN'T YOU JUST THINK 199 00:07:32,453 --> 00:07:33,162 YOU WANT. JOHN, CAN'T YOU JUST THINK ABOUT US? 200 00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:36,499 JOHN, CAN'T YOU JUST THINK ABOUT US? THERE IS NO US, CANDY. 201 00:07:36,523 --> 00:07:38,668 ABOUT US? THERE IS NO US, CANDY. ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IS 202 00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:39,569 THERE IS NO US, CANDY. ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IS YOURSELF! 203 00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:40,904 ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IS YOURSELF! ONE WOMAN HURTS YOU, AND YOU 204 00:07:40,928 --> 00:07:42,371 YOURSELF! ONE WOMAN HURTS YOU, AND YOU JUST TAKE IT OUT ON THE REST OF 205 00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:42,972 ONE WOMAN HURTS YOU, AND YOU JUST TAKE IT OUT ON THE REST OF THE WORLD! 206 00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:45,975 JUST TAKE IT OUT ON THE REST OF THE WORLD! YOU'RE A COWARD AND A WEAKLING! 207 00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:47,009 THE WORLD! YOU'RE A COWARD AND A WEAKLING! I'M SORRY, JOHN. 208 00:07:47,033 --> 00:07:48,077 YOU'RE A COWARD AND A WEAKLING! I'M SORRY, JOHN. I'M REALLY SORRY. 209 00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:49,145 I'M SORRY, JOHN. I'M REALLY SORRY. I'M REALLY SORRY. 210 00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:50,112 I'M REALLY SORRY. I'M REALLY SORRY. DID I HURT YOU? 211 00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:52,014 I'M REALLY SORRY. DID I HURT YOU? YES, VERY MUCH. 212 00:07:52,038 --> 00:07:55,518 DID I HURT YOU? YES, VERY MUCH. I REALLY... I'M SO SORRY. 213 00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:57,253 YES, VERY MUCH. I REALLY... I'M SO SORRY. YOU KNOW I'D NEVER DO ANYTHING 214 00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:58,087 I REALLY... I'M SO SORRY. YOU KNOW I'D NEVER DO ANYTHING TO HURT YOU. 215 00:07:58,111 --> 00:07:59,556 YOU KNOW I'D NEVER DO ANYTHING TO HURT YOU. YOU'RE THE FIRST MAN I'VE EVER 216 00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:00,022 TO HURT YOU. YOU'RE THE FIRST MAN I'VE EVER LOVED. 217 00:08:00,046 --> 00:08:02,559 YOU'RE THE FIRST MAN I'VE EVER LOVED. YES, AND I LOVE YOU, TOO. 218 00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:04,060 LOVED. YES, AND I LOVE YOU, TOO. THAT'S WHY I WANT TO GET YOU OUT 219 00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:05,094 YES, AND I LOVE YOU, TOO. THAT'S WHY I WANT TO GET YOU OUT THERE ON THAT STAGE. 220 00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:06,563 THAT'S WHY I WANT TO GET YOU OUT THERE ON THAT STAGE. ARE YOU NOT JUST SAYING THAT 221 00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:07,330 THERE ON THAT STAGE. ARE YOU NOT JUST SAYING THAT TO MAKE ME GO? 222 00:08:07,354 --> 00:08:09,031 ARE YOU NOT JUST SAYING THAT TO MAKE ME GO? I'M SAYING THAT BECAUSE IT'S 223 00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:10,099 TO MAKE ME GO? I'M SAYING THAT BECAUSE IT'S THE TRUTH, SANDY! 224 00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:10,767 I'M SAYING THAT BECAUSE IT'S THE TRUTH, SANDY! CANDY. 225 00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:12,735 THE TRUTH, SANDY! CANDY. CANDY. 226 00:08:12,759 --> 00:08:14,337 CANDY. CANDY. IT'S THE TRUTH, AND YOU KNOW IT. 227 00:08:14,361 --> 00:08:16,205 CANDY. IT'S THE TRUTH, AND YOU KNOW IT. YOU HAVE TO GET OUT THERE. 228 00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:17,340 IT'S THE TRUTH, AND YOU KNOW IT. YOU HAVE TO GET OUT THERE. ["AS TIME GOES BY" PLAYS] 229 00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:18,508 YOU HAVE TO GET OUT THERE. ["AS TIME GOES BY" PLAYS] NOW, LISTEN. 230 00:08:18,532 --> 00:08:20,844 ["AS TIME GOES BY" PLAYS] NOW, LISTEN. LOOK, I'M NO GOOD AT BEING 231 00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:22,612 NOW, LISTEN. LOOK, I'M NO GOOD AT BEING NOBLE. 232 00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:24,080 LOOK, I'M NO GOOD AT BEING NOBLE. BUT IT DOESN'T TAKE MUCH TO SEE 233 00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:25,515 NOBLE. BUT IT DOESN'T TAKE MUCH TO SEE THAT THE PROBLEMS OF TWO LITTLE 234 00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:27,016 BUT IT DOESN'T TAKE MUCH TO SEE THAT THE PROBLEMS OF TWO LITTLE PEOPLE DON'T AMOUNT TO A HILL OF 235 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:28,284 THAT THE PROBLEMS OF TWO LITTLE PEOPLE DON'T AMOUNT TO A HILL OF BEANS IN THIS CRAZY WORLD. 236 00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:30,219 PEOPLE DON'T AMOUNT TO A HILL OF BEANS IN THIS CRAZY WORLD. YOU SEE, INSIDE OF US, WE BOTH 237 00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:32,221 BEANS IN THIS CRAZY WORLD. YOU SEE, INSIDE OF US, WE BOTH KNOW THAT YOU BELONG UP ON THAT 238 00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:32,822 YOU SEE, INSIDE OF US, WE BOTH KNOW THAT YOU BELONG UP ON THAT STAGE. 239 00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,591 KNOW THAT YOU BELONG UP ON THAT STAGE. YOU'RE PART OF THE SHOW, THE 240 00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:36,258 STAGE. YOU'RE PART OF THE SHOW, THE THING THAT KEEPS IT GOING. 241 00:08:36,282 --> 00:08:38,461 YOU'RE PART OF THE SHOW, THE THING THAT KEEPS IT GOING. AND IF THAT SHOW STARTS AND 242 00:08:38,485 --> 00:08:40,930 THING THAT KEEPS IT GOING. AND IF THAT SHOW STARTS AND YOU'RE NOT ON IT, YOU'LL REGRET 243 00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:41,464 AND IF THAT SHOW STARTS AND YOU'RE NOT ON IT, YOU'LL REGRET IT. 244 00:08:41,488 --> 00:08:43,132 YOU'RE NOT ON IT, YOU'LL REGRET IT. I WON'T. 245 00:08:43,156 --> 00:08:44,433 IT. I WON'T. NO, I... 246 00:08:44,457 --> 00:08:46,068 I WON'T. NO, I... MAYBE NOT NOW, MAYBE NOT 247 00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:47,871 NO, I... MAYBE NOT NOW, MAYBE NOT TOMORROW, BUT SOON AND FOR THE 248 00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:49,038 MAYBE NOT NOW, MAYBE NOT TOMORROW, BUT SOON AND FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. 249 00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:51,207 TOMORROW, BUT SOON AND FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. [AIRPLANE ENGINE TURNS OVER] 250 00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:53,209 REST OF YOUR LIFE. [AIRPLANE ENGINE TURNS OVER] THE LAST PLANE FOR LISBON NOW 251 00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:54,443 [AIRPLANE ENGINE TURNS OVER] THE LAST PLANE FOR LISBON NOW DEPARTING. 252 00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:57,714 THE LAST PLANE FOR LISBON NOW DEPARTING. UM... WHAT ABOUT US, JOHN? 253 00:08:57,738 --> 00:09:01,551 DEPARTING. UM... WHAT ABOUT US, JOHN? WELL, WE STILL HAVE PARIS... 254 00:09:01,575 --> 00:09:04,220 UM... WHAT ABOUT US, JOHN? WELL, WE STILL HAVE PARIS... AND THE MUPPETS. 255 00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:06,489 WELL, WE STILL HAVE PARIS... AND THE MUPPETS. WELL... 256 00:09:06,513 --> 00:09:09,158 AND THE MUPPETS. WELL... HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU, KID. 257 00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:11,193 WELL... HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU, KID. YOU BETTER GO. 258 00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:13,129 HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU, KID. YOU BETTER GO. HI, LOUIE. 259 00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:20,603 YOU BETTER GO. HI, LOUIE. ["AS TIME GOES BY" CONTINUES] 260 00:09:20,627 --> 00:09:21,804 HI, LOUIE. ["AS TIME GOES BY" CONTINUES] GOOD MORNING, MR. RICK, 261 00:09:21,828 --> 00:09:22,906 ["AS TIME GOES BY" CONTINUES] GOOD MORNING, MR. RICK, MISS ILSA. 262 00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:23,940 GOOD MORNING, MR. RICK, MISS ILSA. HELLO, SAM. 263 00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:26,242 MISS ILSA. HELLO, SAM. BOY, YOU SOUND AS GOOD AS EVER. 264 00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:27,944 HELLO, SAM. BOY, YOU SOUND AS GOOD AS EVER. LISTEN UP, SAM, YOU CAN CLOSE 265 00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:28,978 BOY, YOU SOUND AS GOOD AS EVER. LISTEN UP, SAM, YOU CAN CLOSE UP FOR THE NIGHT. 266 00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:33,049 LISTEN UP, SAM, YOU CAN CLOSE UP FOR THE NIGHT. ALL RIGHT, MR. RICK. 267 00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:35,952 UP FOR THE NIGHT. ALL RIGHT, MR. RICK. LISTEN, UH... CANDY. 268 00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:38,855 ALL RIGHT, MR. RICK. LISTEN, UH... CANDY. YOU DO A GOOD SHOW, AND MAYBE... 269 00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:42,058 LISTEN, UH... CANDY. YOU DO A GOOD SHOW, AND MAYBE... JUST MAYBE... AFTERWARDS, WE CAN 270 00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:44,126 YOU DO A GOOD SHOW, AND MAYBE... JUST MAYBE... AFTERWARDS, WE CAN HAVE A DRINK LATER. 271 00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:45,528 JUST MAYBE... AFTERWARDS, WE CAN HAVE A DRINK LATER. MY PLACE? 272 00:09:45,552 --> 00:09:47,063 HAVE A DRINK LATER. MY PLACE? THAT'S FINE. 273 00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:48,698 MY PLACE? THAT'S FINE. THE THING IS, I DON'T EVEN 274 00:09:48,722 --> 00:09:50,332 THAT'S FINE. THE THING IS, I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF YOU'RE GONNA SHOW UP. 275 00:09:50,356 --> 00:09:51,834 THE THING IS, I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF YOU'RE GONNA SHOW UP. YOU'RE SUCH A FILTHY LIAR. 276 00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:54,236 KNOW IF YOU'RE GONNA SHOW UP. YOU'RE SUCH A FILTHY LIAR. YOU'VE NEVER TOLD ME THE TRUTH. 277 00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:56,072 YOU'RE SUCH A FILTHY LIAR. YOU'VE NEVER TOLD ME THE TRUTH. I GUESS THAT'S WHY I NEED YOU, 278 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,674 YOU'VE NEVER TOLD ME THE TRUTH. I GUESS THAT'S WHY I NEED YOU, JOHN. 279 00:09:57,698 --> 00:09:59,776 I GUESS THAT'S WHY I NEED YOU, JOHN. I THINK THIS COULD BE THE START 280 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:03,112 JOHN. I THINK THIS COULD BE THE START OF... OF A BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP. 281 00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:05,048 I THINK THIS COULD BE THE START OF... OF A BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP. AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER 282 00:10:05,072 --> 00:10:08,032 OF... OF A BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP. AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS MESSAGE. 283 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:27,837 GOOD EVENING, MY FELLOW AMERICANS. IF YOU REMEMBER MY CAMPAIGN FOR 284 00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:29,739 AMERICANS. IF YOU REMEMBER MY CAMPAIGN FOR PRESIDENT, I PROMISED TO KEEP 285 00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:32,709 IF YOU REMEMBER MY CAMPAIGN FOR PRESIDENT, I PROMISED TO KEEP EVERY PROMISE I MADE. 286 00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:34,911 PRESIDENT, I PROMISED TO KEEP EVERY PROMISE I MADE. TONIGHT, I'M HERE TO TELL YOU 287 00:10:34,935 --> 00:10:37,279 EVERY PROMISE I MADE. TONIGHT, I'M HERE TO TELL YOU THAT, WELL, UNFORTUNATELY, THAT 288 00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:40,817 TONIGHT, I'M HERE TO TELL YOU THAT, WELL, UNFORTUNATELY, THAT WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE. 289 00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:42,251 THAT, WELL, UNFORTUNATELY, THAT WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE. YOU SEE, I'M NOW PRIVY TO 290 00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:43,586 WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE. YOU SEE, I'M NOW PRIVY TO INFORMATION THAT ONLY A 291 00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:45,221 YOU SEE, I'M NOW PRIVY TO INFORMATION THAT ONLY A PRESIDENT IS PRIVY TO, AND I'M 292 00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:46,990 INFORMATION THAT ONLY A PRESIDENT IS PRIVY TO, AND I'M BEGINNING TO APPRECIATE JUST HOW 293 00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:48,758 PRESIDENT IS PRIVY TO, AND I'M BEGINNING TO APPRECIATE JUST HOW GOOD A PRESIDENT GERALD FORD HAS 294 00:10:48,782 --> 00:10:50,727 BEGINNING TO APPRECIATE JUST HOW GOOD A PRESIDENT GERALD FORD HAS BEEN. 295 00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:52,028 GOOD A PRESIDENT GERALD FORD HAS BEEN. CONSIDERING TODAY'S HARSH 296 00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:53,329 BEEN. CONSIDERING TODAY'S HARSH ECONOMIC REALITIES... FOR 297 00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:54,931 CONSIDERING TODAY'S HARSH ECONOMIC REALITIES... FOR EXAMPLE, I PROMISED THAT I WOULD 298 00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:56,332 ECONOMIC REALITIES... FOR EXAMPLE, I PROMISED THAT I WOULD BOTH BALANCE THE BUDGET AND 299 00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:57,399 EXAMPLE, I PROMISED THAT I WOULD BOTH BALANCE THE BUDGET AND REDUCE UNEMPLOYMENT. 300 00:10:57,423 --> 00:11:01,738 BOTH BALANCE THE BUDGET AND REDUCE UNEMPLOYMENT. WELL, IT SIMPLY CAN'T BE DONE. 301 00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:05,274 REDUCE UNEMPLOYMENT. WELL, IT SIMPLY CAN'T BE DONE. NO WAY. 302 00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:07,276 WELL, IT SIMPLY CAN'T BE DONE. NO WAY. IT JUST LOOKS BAD. 303 00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:08,911 NO WAY. IT JUST LOOKS BAD. IF YOU COULD SEE ALL THE PAPERS 304 00:11:08,935 --> 00:11:10,513 IT JUST LOOKS BAD. IF YOU COULD SEE ALL THE PAPERS AND THE BRIEFS AND INFORMATION 305 00:11:10,537 --> 00:11:11,814 IF YOU COULD SEE ALL THE PAPERS AND THE BRIEFS AND INFORMATION THAT I READ... WELL, AS 306 00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:13,315 AND THE BRIEFS AND INFORMATION THAT I READ... WELL, AS BOB DYLAN SAID, "IT BLOWS MY 307 00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:15,752 THAT I READ... WELL, AS BOB DYLAN SAID, "IT BLOWS MY MIND." 308 00:11:15,776 --> 00:11:17,887 BOB DYLAN SAID, "IT BLOWS MY MIND." NOW, LOOK... THE ECONOMY OF THE 309 00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:19,956 MIND." NOW, LOOK... THE ECONOMY OF THE ENTIRE WORLD IS IN A TAILSPIN. 310 00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:21,290 NOW, LOOK... THE ECONOMY OF THE ENTIRE WORLD IS IN A TAILSPIN. NOW, I DON'T HAVE ALL THE 311 00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:21,858 ENTIRE WORLD IS IN A TAILSPIN. NOW, I DON'T HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS. 312 00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:22,591 NOW, I DON'T HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS. I NEVER DID. 313 00:11:22,615 --> 00:11:24,293 ANSWERS. I NEVER DID. BUT I HAVE DEVELOPED A PLAN TO 314 00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:25,628 I NEVER DID. BUT I HAVE DEVELOPED A PLAN TO SAVE THE WORLD ECONOMY. 315 00:11:25,652 --> 00:11:27,030 BUT I HAVE DEVELOPED A PLAN TO SAVE THE WORLD ECONOMY. BUT THAT'S GONNA TAKE ME AT 316 00:11:27,054 --> 00:11:28,665 SAVE THE WORLD ECONOMY. BUT THAT'S GONNA TAKE ME AT LEAST FOUR YEARS TO GET STARTED, 317 00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:30,199 BUT THAT'S GONNA TAKE ME AT LEAST FOUR YEARS TO GET STARTED, BECAUSE, AFTER ALL, I'M NOT THE 318 00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:32,001 LEAST FOUR YEARS TO GET STARTED, BECAUSE, AFTER ALL, I'M NOT THE PRESIDENT OF THE WORLD. 319 00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,770 BECAUSE, AFTER ALL, I'M NOT THE PRESIDENT OF THE WORLD. SO, DON'T EXPECT THINGS TO START 320 00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:35,504 PRESIDENT OF THE WORLD. SO, DON'T EXPECT THINGS TO START IMPROVING UNTIL THE BEGINNING OF 321 00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:36,472 SO, DON'T EXPECT THINGS TO START IMPROVING UNTIL THE BEGINNING OF MY SECOND TERM. 322 00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:39,208 IMPROVING UNTIL THE BEGINNING OF MY SECOND TERM. BUT I DO PROMISE THAT, BY 1984, 323 00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:40,677 MY SECOND TERM. BUT I DO PROMISE THAT, BY 1984, WELL, WE'LL HAVE A BALANCED 324 00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:42,478 BUT I DO PROMISE THAT, BY 1984, WELL, WE'LL HAVE A BALANCED BUDGET AND FULL EMPLOYMENT. 325 00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:44,047 WELL, WE'LL HAVE A BALANCED BUDGET AND FULL EMPLOYMENT. AND YOU CAN DEPEND ON IT! 326 00:11:44,071 --> 00:11:45,181 BUDGET AND FULL EMPLOYMENT. AND YOU CAN DEPEND ON IT! I LOVE YOU ALL. 327 00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:46,549 AND YOU CAN DEPEND ON IT! I LOVE YOU ALL. GOD BLESS. 328 00:11:46,573 --> 00:11:47,850 I LOVE YOU ALL. GOD BLESS. MERRY CHRISTMAS, AND THANK YOU 329 00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:50,635 GOD BLESS. MERRY CHRISTMAS, AND THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME YOUR PRESIDENT! 330 00:12:09,128 --> 00:12:11,708 I'M NEXT! ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THIS? 331 00:12:11,732 --> 00:12:12,709 ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THIS? SURE! YOU KNOW. 332 00:12:12,733 --> 00:12:13,743 THIS? SURE! YOU KNOW. I MEAN, IT'S CRAZY. 333 00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:15,377 SURE! YOU KNOW. I MEAN, IT'S CRAZY. THIS TIME OF YEAR DOES SOMETHING 334 00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:15,878 I MEAN, IT'S CRAZY. THIS TIME OF YEAR DOES SOMETHING TO ME. 335 00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:17,180 THIS TIME OF YEAR DOES SOMETHING TO ME. I FEEL LIKE A LITTLE KID. 336 00:12:17,204 --> 00:12:18,414 TO ME. I FEEL LIKE A LITTLE KID. MAKE IT QUICK, THOUGH. 337 00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:19,916 I FEEL LIKE A LITTLE KID. MAKE IT QUICK, THOUGH. WE GOT A LOT OF SHOPPING TO DO. 338 00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:21,383 MAKE IT QUICK, THOUGH. WE GOT A LOT OF SHOPPING TO DO. OH, DON'T BE SUCH A SCROOGE. 339 00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:23,252 WE GOT A LOT OF SHOPPING TO DO. OH, DON'T BE SUCH A SCROOGE. WHERE'S YOUR SPIRIT? 340 00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:24,787 OH, DON'T BE SUCH A SCROOGE. WHERE'S YOUR SPIRIT? AHH, MERRY CHRISTMAS! 341 00:12:24,811 --> 00:12:26,622 WHERE'S YOUR SPIRIT? AHH, MERRY CHRISTMAS! MERRY CHRISTMAS, LITTLE BOBBY! 342 00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:28,791 AHH, MERRY CHRISTMAS! MERRY CHRISTMAS, LITTLE BOBBY! I'LL ONLY BE A MINUTE. 343 00:12:28,815 --> 00:12:29,726 MERRY CHRISTMAS, LITTLE BOBBY! I'LL ONLY BE A MINUTE. OHH. 344 00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:30,893 I'LL ONLY BE A MINUTE. OHH. HERE YOU GO. 345 00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,494 OHH. HERE YOU GO. HO HO HO. 346 00:12:32,518 --> 00:12:35,932 HERE YOU GO. HO HO HO. HEY, WAIT A MINUTE! 347 00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:37,299 HO HO HO. HEY, WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 348 00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:38,167 HEY, WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? RELAX! 349 00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:39,969 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? RELAX! I SAID I'LL ONLY BE A MINUTE. 350 00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:41,070 RELAX! I SAID I'LL ONLY BE A MINUTE. WHAT IS THIS? 351 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,571 I SAID I'LL ONLY BE A MINUTE. WHAT IS THIS? IT'S FOR PROTECTION. 352 00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:44,340 WHAT IS THIS? IT'S FOR PROTECTION. TOILET TISSUE? 353 00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:45,674 IT'S FOR PROTECTION. TOILET TISSUE? YOU MEAN, YOU HAVEN'T HEARD OF 354 00:12:45,698 --> 00:12:48,544 TOILET TISSUE? YOU MEAN, YOU HAVEN'T HEARD OF SANTI-WRAP? 355 00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:51,714 YOU MEAN, YOU HAVEN'T HEARD OF SANTI-WRAP? SURE, IT'S SANTI-WRAP, 356 00:12:51,738 --> 00:12:53,415 SANTI-WRAP? SURE, IT'S SANTI-WRAP, THE COLORFUL, DECORATIVE, AND 357 00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:55,251 SURE, IT'S SANTI-WRAP, THE COLORFUL, DECORATIVE, AND HYGIENIC WAY TO PROTECT YOURSELF 358 00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:57,019 THE COLORFUL, DECORATIVE, AND HYGIENIC WAY TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM GERMS CARRIED BY THE LIKES 359 00:12:57,043 --> 00:12:59,922 HYGIENIC WAY TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM GERMS CARRIED BY THE LIKES OF A PART-TIME SANTA CLAUS. 360 00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:03,926 FROM GERMS CARRIED BY THE LIKES OF A PART-TIME SANTA CLAUS. HO HO HO. 361 00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:05,394 OF A PART-TIME SANTA CLAUS. HO HO HO. LOOK, HE'S SO JOLLY. 362 00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:06,062 HO HO HO. LOOK, HE'S SO JOLLY. HE'S SMART. 363 00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:07,230 LOOK, HE'S SO JOLLY. HE'S SMART. HE KNOWS IF YOU'VE BEEN 364 00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:07,797 HE'S SMART. HE KNOWS IF YOU'VE BEEN SLEEPING. 365 00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:09,298 HE KNOWS IF YOU'VE BEEN SLEEPING. BUT DO YOU KNOW WHERE HE'S BEEN 366 00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:09,866 SLEEPING. BUT DO YOU KNOW WHERE HE'S BEEN SLEEPING? 367 00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:11,868 BUT DO YOU KNOW WHERE HE'S BEEN SLEEPING? THAT'S JUST IT. 368 00:13:11,892 --> 00:13:13,736 SLEEPING? THAT'S JUST IT. LOOK, LARAINE, I LOVE SANTA JUST 369 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:15,404 THAT'S JUST IT. LOOK, LARAINE, I LOVE SANTA JUST AS MUCH AS ANYBODY ELSE, BUT 370 00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:17,140 LOOK, LARAINE, I LOVE SANTA JUST AS MUCH AS ANYBODY ELSE, BUT DECEMBER 26th, NOEL OVER HERE 371 00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:18,440 AS MUCH AS ANYBODY ELSE, BUT DECEMBER 26th, NOEL OVER HERE GOES BACK TO THE "Y." 372 00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:20,309 DECEMBER 26th, NOEL OVER HERE GOES BACK TO THE "Y." HO HO HO! 373 00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:21,978 GOES BACK TO THE "Y." HO HO HO! BUT WON'T TOILET PAPER 374 00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:22,845 HO HO HO! BUT WON'T TOILET PAPER PROTECT ME? 375 00:13:22,869 --> 00:13:24,113 BUT WON'T TOILET PAPER PROTECT ME? TWO-PLY? NEVER. 376 00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,281 PROTECT ME? TWO-PLY? NEVER. NOT THESE GERMS. 377 00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:26,282 TWO-PLY? NEVER. NOT THESE GERMS. LET ME SHOW YOU. 378 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,550 NOT THESE GERMS. LET ME SHOW YOU. THIS IS A PICTURE OF SANTA'S 379 00:13:28,574 --> 00:13:29,152 LET ME SHOW YOU. THIS IS A PICTURE OF SANTA'S LEG. 380 00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:30,820 THIS IS A PICTURE OF SANTA'S LEG. SEEMS NORMAL, BUT LOOK AT THE 381 00:13:30,844 --> 00:13:32,554 LEG. SEEMS NORMAL, BUT LOOK AT THE SAME PICTURE MAGNIFIED UNDER A 382 00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:35,391 SEEMS NORMAL, BUT LOOK AT THE SAME PICTURE MAGNIFIED UNDER A MICROSCOPE. 383 00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:38,094 SAME PICTURE MAGNIFIED UNDER A MICROSCOPE. ARE THOSE SANTA'S HELPERS? 384 00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:39,662 MICROSCOPE. ARE THOSE SANTA'S HELPERS? YES, THOSE ARE SANTA'S 385 00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:40,997 ARE THOSE SANTA'S HELPERS? YES, THOSE ARE SANTA'S HELPERS, AND THEY'RE 386 00:13:41,021 --> 00:13:41,931 YES, THOSE ARE SANTA'S HELPERS, AND THEY'RE COMMUNICABLE. 387 00:13:41,955 --> 00:13:43,966 HELPERS, AND THEY'RE COMMUNICABLE. NOW, WILL YOU STOP USING THE 388 00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:44,767 COMMUNICABLE. NOW, WILL YOU STOP USING THE TWO-PLY? 389 00:13:44,791 --> 00:13:50,439 NOW, WILL YOU STOP USING THE TWO-PLY? WHAT A FOOL I'VE BEEN! 390 00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:52,675 TWO-PLY? WHAT A FOOL I'VE BEEN! OKAY, I WANT A CAR AND A 391 00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:54,510 WHAT A FOOL I'VE BEEN! OKAY, I WANT A CAR AND A REFRIGERATOR, AND... 392 00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:55,978 OKAY, I WANT A CAR AND A REFRIGERATOR, AND... USE SANTI-WRAPS, AND I 393 00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:57,680 REFRIGERATOR, AND... USE SANTI-WRAPS, AND I PROMISE YOU WON'T GET ONE TICK 394 00:13:57,704 --> 00:14:00,549 USE SANTI-WRAPS, AND I PROMISE YOU WON'T GET ONE TICK FROM JOLLY ST. NICK. 395 00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:04,220 PROMISE YOU WON'T GET ONE TICK FROM JOLLY ST. NICK. HO HO HO. 396 00:14:04,244 --> 00:14:06,144 FROM JOLLY ST. NICK. HO HO HO. HO HO. 397 00:14:13,652 --> 00:14:17,867 AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, A SPECIAL CHRISTMAS TREAT... THE MELLOW SOUNDS OF 398 00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:19,768 GENTLEMEN, A SPECIAL CHRISTMAS TREAT... THE MELLOW SOUNDS OF FRANK ZAPPA. 399 00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:24,207 TREAT... THE MELLOW SOUNDS OF FRANK ZAPPA. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 400 00:14:24,231 --> 00:14:25,908 FRANK ZAPPA. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [INTRO TO "I'M THE SLIME" 401 00:14:25,932 --> 00:14:28,199 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [INTRO TO "I'M THE SLIME" PLAYS] 402 00:14:56,661 --> 00:15:04,661 ♪ I AM GROSS AND PERVERTED ♪ ♪ I'M OBSESSED AND DERANGED ♪ ♪ I HAVE EXISTED FOR YEARS ♪ 403 00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:08,217 ♪ I'M OBSESSED AND DERANGED ♪ ♪ I HAVE EXISTED FOR YEARS ♪ ♪ BUT VERY LITTLE HAD CHANGED ♪ 404 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:10,486 ♪ I HAVE EXISTED FOR YEARS ♪ ♪ BUT VERY LITTLE HAD CHANGED ♪ ♪ I'M THE TOOL OF THE 405 00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:11,720 ♪ BUT VERY LITTLE HAD CHANGED ♪ ♪ I'M THE TOOL OF THE GOVERNMENT ♪ 406 00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:13,522 ♪ I'M THE TOOL OF THE GOVERNMENT ♪ ♪ AND INDUSTRY, TOO ♪ 407 00:15:13,546 --> 00:15:16,625 GOVERNMENT ♪ ♪ AND INDUSTRY, TOO ♪ ♪ FOR I AM DESTINED TO RULE ♪ 408 00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:19,328 ♪ AND INDUSTRY, TOO ♪ ♪ FOR I AM DESTINED TO RULE ♪ ♪ AND REGULATE YOU ♪ 409 00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:21,530 ♪ FOR I AM DESTINED TO RULE ♪ ♪ AND REGULATE YOU ♪ ♪ I MIGHT BE VILE AND 410 00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:22,631 ♪ AND REGULATE YOU ♪ ♪ I MIGHT BE VILE AND PERNICIOUS ♪ 411 00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:24,934 ♪ I MIGHT BE VILE AND PERNICIOUS ♪ ♪ BUT YOU CAN'T LOOK AWAY ♪ 412 00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:27,036 PERNICIOUS ♪ ♪ BUT YOU CAN'T LOOK AWAY ♪ ♪ I MAKE YOU THINK I'M 413 00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:28,070 ♪ BUT YOU CAN'T LOOK AWAY ♪ ♪ I MAKE YOU THINK I'M DELICIOUS ♪ 414 00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:30,472 ♪ I MAKE YOU THINK I'M DELICIOUS ♪ ♪ WITH THE STUFF THAT I SAY ♪ 415 00:15:30,496 --> 00:15:33,442 DELICIOUS ♪ ♪ WITH THE STUFF THAT I SAY ♪ ♪ I'M THE BEST YOU CAN GET ♪ 416 00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:35,912 ♪ WITH THE STUFF THAT I SAY ♪ ♪ I'M THE BEST YOU CAN GET ♪ ♪ HAVE YOU GUESSED ME YET? ♪ 417 00:15:35,936 --> 00:15:39,148 ♪ I'M THE BEST YOU CAN GET ♪ ♪ HAVE YOU GUESSED ME YET? ♪ ♪ I'M THE SLIME OOZIN' OUT ♪ 418 00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:40,049 ♪ HAVE YOU GUESSED ME YET? ♪ ♪ I'M THE SLIME OOZIN' OUT ♪ ♪ FROM YOUR... ♪ 419 00:15:40,073 --> 00:15:42,451 ♪ I'M THE SLIME OOZIN' OUT ♪ ♪ FROM YOUR... ♪ TAKE IT AWAY, DON PARDO! 420 00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:43,953 ♪ FROM YOUR... ♪ TAKE IT AWAY, DON PARDO! Announcer: YOU WILL OBEY ME 421 00:15:43,977 --> 00:15:46,488 TAKE IT AWAY, DON PARDO! Announcer: YOU WILL OBEY ME WHILE I LEAD YOU, AND EAT THE 422 00:15:46,512 --> 00:15:48,891 Announcer: YOU WILL OBEY ME WHILE I LEAD YOU, AND EAT THE GARBAGE THAT I FEED YOU UNTIL 423 00:15:48,915 --> 00:15:50,893 WHILE I LEAD YOU, AND EAT THE GARBAGE THAT I FEED YOU UNTIL THE DAY THAT WE DON'T NEED YOU. 424 00:15:50,917 --> 00:15:52,228 GARBAGE THAT I FEED YOU UNTIL THE DAY THAT WE DON'T NEED YOU. DON'T GO FOR HELP. 425 00:15:52,252 --> 00:15:53,662 THE DAY THAT WE DON'T NEED YOU. DON'T GO FOR HELP. NO ONE WILL HEED YOU. 426 00:15:53,686 --> 00:15:56,399 DON'T GO FOR HELP. NO ONE WILL HEED YOU. YOUR MIND IS TOTALLY CONTROLLED. 427 00:15:56,423 --> 00:15:59,302 NO ONE WILL HEED YOU. YOUR MIND IS TOTALLY CONTROLLED. IT HAS BEEN STUFFED INTO MY 428 00:15:59,326 --> 00:16:00,202 YOUR MIND IS TOTALLY CONTROLLED. IT HAS BEEN STUFFED INTO MY MOLD. 429 00:16:00,226 --> 00:16:02,438 IT HAS BEEN STUFFED INTO MY MOLD. AND YOU WILL DO AS YOU ARE TOLD 430 00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:04,640 MOLD. AND YOU WILL DO AS YOU ARE TOLD UNTIL THE RIGHTS TO YOU ARE 431 00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:05,674 AND YOU WILL DO AS YOU ARE TOLD UNTIL THE RIGHTS TO YOU ARE SOLD. 432 00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:12,114 UNTIL THE RIGHTS TO YOU ARE SOLD. TAKE IT AWAY, FRANK! 433 00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:13,515 SOLD. TAKE IT AWAY, FRANK! THAT'S RIGHT, FOLKS, DON'T 434 00:16:13,539 --> 00:16:14,917 TAKE IT AWAY, FRANK! THAT'S RIGHT, FOLKS, DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL. 435 00:16:14,941 --> 00:16:16,319 THAT'S RIGHT, FOLKS, DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL. ♪ I AM THE SLIME FROM YOUR 436 00:16:16,343 --> 00:16:17,753 TOUCH THAT DIAL. ♪ I AM THE SLIME FROM YOUR VIDEO ♪ 437 00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:18,821 ♪ I AM THE SLIME FROM YOUR VIDEO ♪ ♪ OOZIN' ALONG ON YOUR 438 00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:20,356 VIDEO ♪ ♪ OOZIN' ALONG ON YOUR LIVING-ROOM FLOOR ♪ 439 00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:21,824 ♪ OOZIN' ALONG ON YOUR LIVING-ROOM FLOOR ♪ ♪ I AM THE SLIME FROM YOUR 440 00:16:21,848 --> 00:16:22,191 LIVING-ROOM FLOOR ♪ ♪ I AM THE SLIME FROM YOUR VIDEO ♪ 441 00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:23,492 ♪ I AM THE SLIME FROM YOUR VIDEO ♪ Announcer: IT'S ME, FRANK. 442 00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:25,461 VIDEO ♪ Announcer: IT'S ME, FRANK. I AM SLIME. 443 00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:27,863 Announcer: IT'S ME, FRANK. I AM SLIME. I AM SLIME! 444 00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:28,965 I AM SLIME. I AM SLIME! THAT'S RIGHT, DON! 445 00:16:28,989 --> 00:16:30,199 I AM SLIME! THAT'S RIGHT, DON! ♪ OOZIN' ALONG ON YOUR 446 00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:31,434 THAT'S RIGHT, DON! ♪ OOZIN' ALONG ON YOUR LIVING-ROOM FLOOR ♪ 447 00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:32,768 ♪ OOZIN' ALONG ON YOUR LIVING-ROOM FLOOR ♪ ♪ I AM THE SLIME FROM YOUR 448 00:16:32,792 --> 00:16:33,602 LIVING-ROOM FLOOR ♪ ♪ I AM THE SLIME FROM YOUR VIDEO ♪ 449 00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:35,104 ♪ I AM THE SLIME FROM YOUR VIDEO ♪ ♪ CAN'T STOP THE SLIME ♪ 450 00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:37,595 VIDEO ♪ ♪ CAN'T STOP THE SLIME ♪ ♪ PEOPLE, LOOK AT ME GO ♪ 451 00:17:32,317 --> 00:17:34,218 [APPLAUSE] 452 00:17:44,696 --> 00:17:48,077 GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME TO THE HOLIDAY EDITION OF "CONSUMER PROBE." 453 00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:49,778 THE HOLIDAY EDITION OF "CONSUMER PROBE." OUR SUBJECT TONIGHT IS UNSAFE 454 00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:51,247 PROBE." OUR SUBJECT TONIGHT IS UNSAFE TOYS FOR CHILDREN... FOR 455 00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:52,548 OUR SUBJECT TONIGHT IS UNSAFE TOYS FOR CHILDREN... FOR INSTANCE, THIS LITTLE 456 00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:53,482 TOYS FOR CHILDREN... FOR INSTANCE, THIS LITTLE BOW-AND-ARROW SET. 457 00:17:53,506 --> 00:17:55,151 INSTANCE, THIS LITTLE BOW-AND-ARROW SET. PULL THE RUBBER SUCTION CUPS 458 00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:56,685 BOW-AND-ARROW SET. PULL THE RUBBER SUCTION CUPS OFF, AND THE ARROWS BECOME 459 00:17:56,709 --> 00:17:57,819 PULL THE RUBBER SUCTION CUPS OFF, AND THE ARROWS BECOME DANGEROUS MISSILES. 460 00:17:57,843 --> 00:17:59,321 OFF, AND THE ARROWS BECOME DANGEROUS MISSILES. WE HAVE WITH US TONIGHT 461 00:17:59,345 --> 00:18:01,257 DANGEROUS MISSILES. WE HAVE WITH US TONIGHT MR. IRWIN MAINWAY, PRESIDENT OF 462 00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:02,224 WE HAVE WITH US TONIGHT MR. IRWIN MAINWAY, PRESIDENT OF MAINWAY TOYS. 463 00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:04,626 MR. IRWIN MAINWAY, PRESIDENT OF MAINWAY TOYS. UH, MR. MAINWAY, YOUR COMPANY 464 00:18:04,650 --> 00:18:06,828 MAINWAY TOYS. UH, MR. MAINWAY, YOUR COMPANY MANUFACTURES THE FOLLOWING 465 00:18:06,852 --> 00:18:09,865 UH, MR. MAINWAY, YOUR COMPANY MANUFACTURES THE FOLLOWING SO-CALLED HARMLESS PLAYTHINGS... 466 00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:12,535 MANUFACTURES THE FOLLOWING SO-CALLED HARMLESS PLAYTHINGS... PRETTY PEGGY EAR-PIERCING SET, 467 00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:15,104 SO-CALLED HARMLESS PLAYTHINGS... PRETTY PEGGY EAR-PIERCING SET, MR. SKIN-GRAFTER, 468 00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:18,074 PRETTY PEGGY EAR-PIERCING SET, MR. SKIN-GRAFTER, GENERAL TRON'S SECRET POLICE 469 00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:19,775 MR. SKIN-GRAFTER, GENERAL TRON'S SECRET POLICE CONFESSION KIT, AND 470 00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:22,744 GENERAL TRON'S SECRET POLICE CONFESSION KIT, AND DOGGY DENTIST. 471 00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:24,380 CONFESSION KIT, AND DOGGY DENTIST. AND WHAT ABOUT THIS INNOCENT 472 00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:26,082 DOGGY DENTIST. AND WHAT ABOUT THIS INNOCENT RUBBER DOLL, WHICH YOU MARKET 473 00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:27,015 AND WHAT ABOUT THIS INNOCENT RUBBER DOLL, WHICH YOU MARKET UNDER THE NAME 474 00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:29,552 RUBBER DOLL, WHICH YOU MARKET UNDER THE NAME JOHNNY SWITCHBLADE? 475 00:18:29,576 --> 00:18:31,820 UNDER THE NAME JOHNNY SWITCHBLADE? PRESS HIS HEAD, AND TWO SHARP 476 00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:35,357 JOHNNY SWITCHBLADE? PRESS HIS HEAD, AND TWO SHARP KNIVES SPRING FROM HIS ARMS. 477 00:18:35,381 --> 00:18:37,359 PRESS HIS HEAD, AND TWO SHARP KNIVES SPRING FROM HIS ARMS. MR. MAINWAY, I'M AFRAID THIS IS 478 00:18:37,383 --> 00:18:39,628 KNIVES SPRING FROM HIS ARMS. MR. MAINWAY, I'M AFRAID THIS IS BY NO MEANS A SAFE TOY. 479 00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:41,230 MR. MAINWAY, I'M AFRAID THIS IS BY NO MEANS A SAFE TOY. OKAY, MISS, I WANT TO CORRECT 480 00:18:41,254 --> 00:18:42,465 BY NO MEANS A SAFE TOY. OKAY, MISS, I WANT TO CORRECT ON ONE THING HERE, OKAY? 481 00:18:42,489 --> 00:18:43,999 OKAY, MISS, I WANT TO CORRECT ON ONE THING HERE, OKAY? THE FULL NAME OF THIS PRODUCT, 482 00:18:44,023 --> 00:18:45,568 ON ONE THING HERE, OKAY? THE FULL NAME OF THIS PRODUCT, AS IT APPEARS IN STORES ALL OVER 483 00:18:45,592 --> 00:18:46,402 THE FULL NAME OF THIS PRODUCT, AS IT APPEARS IN STORES ALL OVER THE COUNTRY, IS 484 00:18:46,426 --> 00:18:48,237 AS IT APPEARS IN STORES ALL OVER THE COUNTRY, IS "JOHNNY SWITCHBLADE: ADVENTURE 485 00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:49,771 THE COUNTRY, IS "JOHNNY SWITCHBLADE: ADVENTURE PUNK." 486 00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:51,307 "JOHNNY SWITCHBLADE: ADVENTURE PUNK." I MEAN, NOTHING GOES WRONG.. 487 00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:52,808 PUNK." I MEAN, NOTHING GOES WRONG.. THESE LITTLE GIRLS BUY THEM. 488 00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:54,243 I MEAN, NOTHING GOES WRONG.. THESE LITTLE GIRLS BUY THEM. YOU KNOW, THEY PLAY GAMES. 489 00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:55,444 THESE LITTLE GIRLS BUY THEM. YOU KNOW, THEY PLAY GAMES. THEY MAKE UP STORIES. 490 00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:56,479 YOU KNOW, THEY PLAY GAMES. THEY MAKE UP STORIES. NOBODY GETS HURT. 491 00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:58,114 THEY MAKE UP STORIES. NOBODY GETS HURT. SO BARBIE TAKES A KNIFE ONCE IN 492 00:18:58,138 --> 00:18:59,515 NOBODY GETS HURT. SO BARBIE TAKES A KNIFE ONCE IN A WHILE, OR KEN GETS CUT. 493 00:18:59,539 --> 00:19:00,983 SO BARBIE TAKES A KNIFE ONCE IN A WHILE, OR KEN GETS CUT. THERE'S NO HARM IN THAT, I MEAN, 494 00:19:01,007 --> 00:19:02,351 A WHILE, OR KEN GETS CUT. THERE'S NO HARM IN THAT, I MEAN, AS FAR AS I CAN SEE, YOU KNOW? 495 00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:03,685 THERE'S NO HARM IN THAT, I MEAN, AS FAR AS I CAN SEE, YOU KNOW? I SEE. FINE, FINE. 496 00:19:03,709 --> 00:19:05,053 AS FAR AS I CAN SEE, YOU KNOW? I SEE. FINE, FINE. WELL, WE'D LIKE TO SHOW YOU 497 00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:06,455 I SEE. FINE, FINE. WELL, WE'D LIKE TO SHOW YOU ANOTHER ONE OF MR. MAINWAY'S 498 00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:07,055 WELL, WE'D LIKE TO SHOW YOU ANOTHER ONE OF MR. MAINWAY'S PRODUCTS. 499 00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:09,891 ANOTHER ONE OF MR. MAINWAY'S PRODUCTS. IT RETAILS FOR $1.98, AND IT'S 500 00:19:09,915 --> 00:19:14,997 PRODUCTS. IT RETAILS FOR $1.98, AND IT'S CALLED "BAG O' GLASS." 501 00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:17,433 IT RETAILS FOR $1.98, AND IT'S CALLED "BAG O' GLASS." MR. MAINWAY, THIS IS SIMPLY A 502 00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:19,968 CALLED "BAG O' GLASS." MR. MAINWAY, THIS IS SIMPLY A BAG OF JAGGED, DANGEROUS GLASS 503 00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:20,936 MR. MAINWAY, THIS IS SIMPLY A BAG OF JAGGED, DANGEROUS GLASS BITS. 504 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,104 BAG OF JAGGED, DANGEROUS GLASS BITS. YEAH, RIGHT, IT'S, YOU 505 00:19:22,128 --> 00:19:23,038 BITS. YEAH, RIGHT, IT'S, YOU KNOW... IT'S GLASS. 506 00:19:23,062 --> 00:19:24,340 YEAH, RIGHT, IT'S, YOU KNOW... IT'S GLASS. IT'S BROKEN GLASS, YOU KNOW? 507 00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:26,108 KNOW... IT'S GLASS. IT'S BROKEN GLASS, YOU KNOW? IT SELLS VERY WELL, AS A MATTER 508 00:19:26,132 --> 00:19:27,243 IT'S BROKEN GLASS, YOU KNOW? IT SELLS VERY WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT, YOU KNOW? 509 00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:28,710 IT SELLS VERY WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT, YOU KNOW? IT'S JUST BROKEN GLASS, YOU 510 00:19:28,734 --> 00:19:29,211 OF FACT, YOU KNOW? IT'S JUST BROKEN GLASS, YOU KNOW? 511 00:19:29,235 --> 00:19:30,379 IT'S JUST BROKEN GLASS, YOU KNOW? I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 512 00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:32,014 KNOW? I DON'T UNDERSTAND. I MEAN, CHILDREN COULD SERIOUSLY 513 00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:33,449 I DON'T UNDERSTAND. I MEAN, CHILDREN COULD SERIOUSLY CUT THEMSELVES ON ANY ONE OF 514 00:19:33,473 --> 00:19:34,250 I MEAN, CHILDREN COULD SERIOUSLY CUT THEMSELVES ON ANY ONE OF THESE PIECES. 515 00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:35,451 CUT THEMSELVES ON ANY ONE OF THESE PIECES. YEAH, WELL, LOOK. 516 00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:36,752 THESE PIECES. YEAH, WELL, LOOK. YOU KNOW, THE AVERAGE KID... HE 517 00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:38,086 YEAH, WELL, LOOK. YOU KNOW, THE AVERAGE KID... HE PICKS UP, YOU KNOW, BROKEN GLASS 518 00:19:38,110 --> 00:19:39,188 YOU KNOW, THE AVERAGE KID... HE PICKS UP, YOU KNOW, BROKEN GLASS ANYWHERE... THE BEACH, THE 519 00:19:39,212 --> 00:19:40,389 PICKS UP, YOU KNOW, BROKEN GLASS ANYWHERE... THE BEACH, THE STREET, GARBAGE CANS, PARKING 520 00:19:40,413 --> 00:19:41,657 ANYWHERE... THE BEACH, THE STREET, GARBAGE CANS, PARKING LOTS, ALL OVER THE PLACE IN ANY 521 00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:42,158 STREET, GARBAGE CANS, PARKING LOTS, ALL OVER THE PLACE IN ANY BIG CITY. 522 00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:43,759 LOTS, ALL OVER THE PLACE IN ANY BIG CITY. WE'RE JUST PACKAGING WHAT THE 523 00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:46,828 BIG CITY. WE'RE JUST PACKAGING WHAT THE KIDS WANT. 524 00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:48,464 WE'RE JUST PACKAGING WHAT THE KIDS WANT. I MEAN, IT'S A CREATIVE TOY, YOU 525 00:19:48,488 --> 00:19:48,897 KIDS WANT. I MEAN, IT'S A CREATIVE TOY, YOU KNOW? 526 00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:50,332 I MEAN, IT'S A CREATIVE TOY, YOU KNOW? IF YOU HOLD THIS UP, YOU SEE 527 00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:50,866 KNOW? IF YOU HOLD THIS UP, YOU SEE COLORS. 528 00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:52,368 IF YOU HOLD THIS UP, YOU SEE COLORS. YOU SEE ALL THE COLORS OF THE 529 00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:52,934 COLORS. YOU SEE ALL THE COLORS OF THE RAINBOW. 530 00:19:52,958 --> 00:19:54,403 YOU SEE ALL THE COLORS OF THE RAINBOW. I MEAN, IT TEACHES HIM ABOUT 531 00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:55,871 RAINBOW. I MEAN, IT TEACHES HIM ABOUT LIGHT REFRACTION, PRISMS, AND 532 00:19:55,895 --> 00:19:56,605 I MEAN, IT TEACHES HIM ABOUT LIGHT REFRACTION, PRISMS, AND THAT STUFF! 533 00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:58,174 LIGHT REFRACTION, PRISMS, AND THAT STUFF! PRISMS... YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 534 00:19:58,198 --> 00:19:59,007 THAT STUFF! PRISMS... YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? I SEE. 535 00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:00,209 PRISMS... YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? I SEE. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 536 00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:01,743 I SEE. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? SO, YOU DON'T FEEL THAT THIS 537 00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:02,844 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? SO, YOU DON'T FEEL THAT THIS PRODUCT IS DANGEROUS? 538 00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:03,745 SO, YOU DON'T FEEL THAT THIS PRODUCT IS DANGEROUS? NO! LOOK. 539 00:20:03,769 --> 00:20:05,514 PRODUCT IS DANGEROUS? NO! LOOK. WE PUT A LABEL ON EVERY BAG, 540 00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:07,516 NO! LOOK. WE PUT A LABEL ON EVERY BAG, SAYS, "KID, BE CAREFUL... BROKEN 541 00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,051 WE PUT A LABEL ON EVERY BAG, SAYS, "KID, BE CAREFUL... BROKEN GLASS!" 542 00:20:09,075 --> 00:20:10,319 SAYS, "KID, BE CAREFUL... BROKEN GLASS!" I MEAN, WE SELL A LOT OF 543 00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:11,820 GLASS!" I MEAN, WE SELL A LOT OF PRODUCTS IN THE "BAG O'" LINE, 544 00:20:11,844 --> 00:20:13,489 I MEAN, WE SELL A LOT OF PRODUCTS IN THE "BAG O'" LINE, LIKE BAG O' GLASS, BAG O' NAILS, 545 00:20:13,513 --> 00:20:14,923 PRODUCTS IN THE "BAG O'" LINE, LIKE BAG O' GLASS, BAG O' NAILS, BAG O' BUGS, BAG O' VIPERS, 546 00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:18,026 LIKE BAG O' GLASS, BAG O' NAILS, BAG O' BUGS, BAG O' VIPERS, BAG O' SULFURIC ACID. 547 00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:19,595 BAG O' BUGS, BAG O' VIPERS, BAG O' SULFURIC ACID. THEY'RE DECENT TOYS, YOU KNOW 548 00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:20,996 BAG O' SULFURIC ACID. THEY'RE DECENT TOYS, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 549 00:20:21,020 --> 00:20:22,565 THEY'RE DECENT TOYS, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? WELL, I GUESS WE CAN SEE THAT 550 00:20:22,589 --> 00:20:23,932 WHAT I MEAN? WELL, I GUESS WE CAN SEE THAT ALL OF YOUR TOYS ARE REALLY 551 00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:25,434 WELL, I GUESS WE CAN SEE THAT ALL OF YOUR TOYS ARE REALLY UNSAFE AND SHOULD RIGHTFULLY BE 552 00:20:25,458 --> 00:20:26,635 ALL OF YOUR TOYS ARE REALLY UNSAFE AND SHOULD RIGHTFULLY BE BANNED FROM THE MARKET. 553 00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:27,703 UNSAFE AND SHOULD RIGHTFULLY BE BANNED FROM THE MARKET. I DON'T KNOW. 554 00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:29,171 BANNED FROM THE MARKET. I DON'T KNOW. I JUST WOULD HAVE LIKED TO KNOW 555 00:20:29,195 --> 00:20:30,539 I DON'T KNOW. I JUST WOULD HAVE LIKED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GOOD OLD 556 00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:31,173 I JUST WOULD HAVE LIKED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GOOD OLD TEDDY BEAR. 557 00:20:31,197 --> 00:20:32,508 WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GOOD OLD TEDDY BEAR. HOLD ON A MINUTE, SISTER. 558 00:20:32,532 --> 00:20:33,709 TEDDY BEAR. HOLD ON A MINUTE, SISTER. WE MAKE A TEDDY BEAR. 559 00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:34,910 HOLD ON A MINUTE, SISTER. WE MAKE A TEDDY BEAR. I GOT ONE RIGHT HERE. 560 00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:35,877 WE MAKE A TEDDY BEAR. I GOT ONE RIGHT HERE. IT'S RIGHT HERE. 561 00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:37,479 I GOT ONE RIGHT HERE. IT'S RIGHT HERE. IT'S GOT A NICE LITTLE FEATURE 562 00:20:37,503 --> 00:20:38,347 IT'S RIGHT HERE. IT'S GOT A NICE LITTLE FEATURE HERE, YOU SEE? 563 00:20:38,371 --> 00:20:39,515 IT'S GOT A NICE LITTLE FEATURE HERE, YOU SEE? TAKE A SHOT OF THAT. 564 00:20:39,539 --> 00:20:41,250 HERE, YOU SEE? TAKE A SHOT OF THAT. I'LL HOLD IT UP HERE. 565 00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:43,352 TAKE A SHOT OF THAT. I'LL HOLD IT UP HERE. WE CALL IT TEDDY CHAIN SAW BEAR. 566 00:20:43,376 --> 00:20:45,321 I'LL HOLD IT UP HERE. WE CALL IT TEDDY CHAIN SAW BEAR. THERE IT IS... TEDDY CHAIN SAW 567 00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:46,689 WE CALL IT TEDDY CHAIN SAW BEAR. THERE IT IS... TEDDY CHAIN SAW BEAR. 568 00:20:46,713 --> 00:20:49,391 THERE IT IS... TEDDY CHAIN SAW BEAR. [CHAIN SAW REVS] 569 00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:50,492 BEAR. [CHAIN SAW REVS] A KID PLAYS WITH IT. 570 00:20:50,516 --> 00:20:52,027 [CHAIN SAW REVS] A KID PLAYS WITH IT. YOU CAN CUT LOGS WITH IT, YOU 571 00:20:52,051 --> 00:20:54,496 A KID PLAYS WITH IT. YOU CAN CUT LOGS WITH IT, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 572 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,465 YOU CAN CUT LOGS WITH IT, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? WELL, THIS IS CERTAINLY A 573 00:20:56,489 --> 00:20:58,534 KNOW WHAT I MEAN? WELL, THIS IS CERTAINLY A VERY SAD SITUATION... ONE OF THE 574 00:20:58,558 --> 00:21:00,168 WELL, THIS IS CERTAINLY A VERY SAD SITUATION... ONE OF THE PRECIOUS JOYS OF CHRISTMAS 575 00:21:00,192 --> 00:21:02,037 VERY SAD SITUATION... ONE OF THE PRECIOUS JOYS OF CHRISTMAS WARPED BY A RUTHLESS PROFITEER 576 00:21:02,061 --> 00:21:02,771 PRECIOUS JOYS OF CHRISTMAS WARPED BY A RUTHLESS PROFITEER LIKE YOURSELF. 577 00:21:02,795 --> 00:21:04,172 WARPED BY A RUTHLESS PROFITEER LIKE YOURSELF. THAT'S YOUR OPINION, YOU KNOW 578 00:21:04,196 --> 00:21:04,840 LIKE YOURSELF. THAT'S YOUR OPINION, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 579 00:21:04,864 --> 00:21:06,275 THAT'S YOUR OPINION, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? WELL, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND 580 00:21:06,299 --> 00:21:07,676 WHAT I MEAN? WELL, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU CAN'T MAKE HARMLESS TOYS 581 00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:08,910 WELL, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU CAN'T MAKE HARMLESS TOYS LIKE THESE ALPHABET BLOCKS. 582 00:21:08,934 --> 00:21:10,412 WHY YOU CAN'T MAKE HARMLESS TOYS LIKE THESE ALPHABET BLOCKS. COME ON, THIS IS HARMLESS? 583 00:21:10,436 --> 00:21:11,780 LIKE THESE ALPHABET BLOCKS. COME ON, THIS IS HARMLESS? ALL RIGHT, OKAY, YOU CALL THIS 584 00:21:11,804 --> 00:21:13,181 COME ON, THIS IS HARMLESS? ALL RIGHT, OKAY, YOU CALL THIS HARMLESS? 585 00:21:13,205 --> 00:21:15,584 ALL RIGHT, OKAY, YOU CALL THIS HARMLESS? AAH! I GOT A SPLINTER IN HERE! 586 00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:16,719 HARMLESS? AAH! I GOT A SPLINTER IN HERE! THIS IS WOOD. 587 00:21:16,743 --> 00:21:18,420 AAH! I GOT A SPLINTER IN HERE! THIS IS WOOD. THIS IS UNSANDED WOOD. 588 00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:19,355 THIS IS WOOD. THIS IS UNSANDED WOOD. IT'S ROUGH. 589 00:21:19,379 --> 00:21:21,357 THIS IS UNSANDED WOOD. IT'S ROUGH. ALL RIGHT, I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF 590 00:21:21,381 --> 00:21:22,924 IT'S ROUGH. ALL RIGHT, I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS RIDICULOUS DISPLAY. 591 00:21:22,948 --> 00:21:24,760 ALL RIGHT, I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS RIDICULOUS DISPLAY. HERE IS ANOTHER CREATIVE TOY, 592 00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:26,729 THIS RIDICULOUS DISPLAY. HERE IS ANOTHER CREATIVE TOY, SAFE ENOUGH FOR A BABY. 593 00:21:26,753 --> 00:21:27,963 HERE IS ANOTHER CREATIVE TOY, SAFE ENOUGH FOR A BABY. YOU SAY IT'S SAFE. 594 00:21:27,987 --> 00:21:29,465 SAFE ENOUGH FOR A BABY. YOU SAY IT'S SAFE. I MEAN, LOOK AT THIS CORD. 595 00:21:29,489 --> 00:21:30,932 YOU SAY IT'S SAFE. I MEAN, LOOK AT THIS CORD. THE KID IS ON THE PHONE... 596 00:21:30,956 --> 00:21:31,900 I MEAN, LOOK AT THIS CORD. THE KID IS ON THE PHONE... "HELLO? HELLO?" 597 00:21:31,924 --> 00:21:34,303 THE KID IS ON THE PHONE... "HELLO? HELLO?" THEN... "AGH!" 598 00:21:34,327 --> 00:21:36,171 "HELLO? HELLO?" THEN... "AGH!" YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 599 00:21:36,195 --> 00:21:37,673 THEN... "AGH!" YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? IT'S AN EXAMPLE. 600 00:21:37,697 --> 00:21:39,675 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? IT'S AN EXAMPLE. IT'S JUST AN EXAMPLE. 601 00:21:39,699 --> 00:21:41,310 IT'S AN EXAMPLE. IT'S JUST AN EXAMPLE. IT'S AN EXAMPLE, YOU KNOW. 602 00:21:41,334 --> 00:21:42,978 IT'S JUST AN EXAMPLE. IT'S AN EXAMPLE, YOU KNOW. YOU SEE MY POINT, 603 00:21:43,002 --> 00:21:45,180 IT'S AN EXAMPLE, YOU KNOW. YOU SEE MY POINT, I DEMONSTRATE LIKE THAT. 604 00:21:45,204 --> 00:21:46,515 YOU SEE MY POINT, I DEMONSTRATE LIKE THAT. YOU SEE MY POINT, YOU KNOW? 605 00:21:46,539 --> 00:21:49,385 I DEMONSTRATE LIKE THAT. YOU SEE MY POINT, YOU KNOW? UM... WELL, LET'S TRY THIS 606 00:21:49,409 --> 00:21:50,152 YOU SEE MY POINT, YOU KNOW? UM... WELL, LET'S TRY THIS ONE. 607 00:21:50,176 --> 00:21:51,853 UM... WELL, LET'S TRY THIS ONE. WHAT ABOUT THIS LITTLE FOAM PLAY 608 00:21:51,877 --> 00:21:52,321 ONE. WHAT ABOUT THIS LITTLE FOAM PLAY BALL? 609 00:21:52,345 --> 00:21:53,989 WHAT ABOUT THIS LITTLE FOAM PLAY BALL? I MEAN, EVEN YOU, MR. MAINWAY, 610 00:21:54,013 --> 00:21:55,624 BALL? I MEAN, EVEN YOU, MR. MAINWAY, CAN'T FIND ANYTHING DANGEROUS 611 00:21:55,648 --> 00:21:56,325 I MEAN, EVEN YOU, MR. MAINWAY, CAN'T FIND ANYTHING DANGEROUS ABOUT THIS 612 00:21:56,349 --> 00:21:57,359 CAN'T FIND ANYTHING DANGEROUS ABOUT THIS HUH? 613 00:21:57,383 --> 00:21:58,761 ABOUT THIS HUH? THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE ON 614 00:21:58,785 --> 00:22:00,028 HUH? THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE ON "CONSUMER PROBE" THIS WEEK. 615 00:22:00,052 --> 00:22:01,229 THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE ON "CONSUMER PROBE" THIS WEEK. BOUNCE IT ON THE TABLE. 616 00:22:01,253 --> 00:22:02,964 "CONSUMER PROBE" THIS WEEK. BOUNCE IT ON THE TABLE. AGH! 617 00:22:02,988 --> 00:22:04,733 BOUNCE IT ON THE TABLE. AGH! [GRUNTING] 618 00:22:04,757 --> 00:22:08,537 AGH! [GRUNTING] YOU CAN'T BREATHE! 619 00:22:08,561 --> 00:22:10,372 [GRUNTING] YOU CAN'T BREATHE! AND NOW FOR THIS FILMED 620 00:22:10,396 --> 00:22:11,273 YOU CAN'T BREATHE! AND NOW FOR THIS FILMED MESSAGE. 621 00:22:11,297 --> 00:22:13,263 AND NOW FOR THIS FILMED MESSAGE. THANK YOU. 622 00:22:21,039 --> 00:22:24,386 Announcer: INFLATIONARY PRICES GETTING YOU DOWN? THEN GET DOWN ON INFLATIONARY 623 00:22:24,410 --> 00:22:25,354 PRICES GETTING YOU DOWN? THEN GET DOWN ON INFLATIONARY PRICES WITH THE NEW 624 00:22:25,378 --> 00:22:26,422 THEN GET DOWN ON INFLATIONARY PRICES WITH THE NEW PRICE-IS-RITE STAMP GUN FROM 625 00:22:26,446 --> 00:22:29,591 PRICES WITH THE NEW PRICE-IS-RITE STAMP GUN FROM K-PUT. 626 00:22:29,615 --> 00:22:31,193 PRICE-IS-RITE STAMP GUN FROM K-PUT. SIMPLY SNAP IN A K-PUT PRICE-TAG 627 00:22:31,217 --> 00:22:32,561 K-PUT. SIMPLY SNAP IN A K-PUT PRICE-TAG ROLL, ADJUST THE FINGERTIP 628 00:22:32,585 --> 00:22:33,995 SIMPLY SNAP IN A K-PUT PRICE-TAG ROLL, ADJUST THE FINGERTIP CONTROL PRICE DIAL, AIM YOUR 629 00:22:34,019 --> 00:22:35,597 ROLL, ADJUST THE FINGERTIP CONTROL PRICE DIAL, AIM YOUR PRICE-IS-RITE STAMP GUN OVER THE 630 00:22:35,621 --> 00:22:36,799 CONTROL PRICE DIAL, AIM YOUR PRICE-IS-RITE STAMP GUN OVER THE REGULAR MARKING, PULL THE 631 00:22:36,823 --> 00:22:37,800 PRICE-IS-RITE STAMP GUN OVER THE REGULAR MARKING, PULL THE TRIGGER, AND PRESTO. 632 00:22:37,824 --> 00:22:39,301 REGULAR MARKING, PULL THE TRIGGER, AND PRESTO. LOOK AT THIS. 633 00:22:39,325 --> 00:22:40,502 TRIGGER, AND PRESTO. LOOK AT THIS. A WHOLE WATERMELON FOR ONLY 634 00:22:40,526 --> 00:22:41,837 LOOK AT THIS. A WHOLE WATERMELON FOR ONLY 3 CENTS, A 12-POUND TURKEY FOR 635 00:22:41,861 --> 00:22:42,838 A WHOLE WATERMELON FOR ONLY 3 CENTS, A 12-POUND TURKEY FOR JUST 4 CENTS. 636 00:22:42,862 --> 00:22:45,140 3 CENTS, A 12-POUND TURKEY FOR JUST 4 CENTS. SAVE THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS. 637 00:22:45,164 --> 00:22:46,342 JUST 4 CENTS. SAVE THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS. FEED YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY FOR 638 00:22:46,366 --> 00:22:47,042 SAVE THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS. FEED YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY FOR PENNIES A DAY. 639 00:22:47,066 --> 00:22:47,976 FEED YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY FOR PENNIES A DAY. SHOP FOR YOUR FRIENDS. 640 00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:48,744 PENNIES A DAY. SHOP FOR YOUR FRIENDS. IT'S FUN AND EASY. 641 00:22:48,768 --> 00:22:50,145 SHOP FOR YOUR FRIENDS. IT'S FUN AND EASY. ONE TRIP TO THE STORE, AND YOUR 642 00:22:50,169 --> 00:22:51,413 IT'S FUN AND EASY. ONE TRIP TO THE STORE, AND YOUR K-PUT STAMP GUN WILL PAY FOR 643 00:22:51,437 --> 00:22:52,581 ONE TRIP TO THE STORE, AND YOUR K-PUT STAMP GUN WILL PAY FOR ITSELF. 644 00:22:52,605 --> 00:22:53,682 K-PUT STAMP GUN WILL PAY FOR ITSELF. BUY EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED. 645 00:22:53,706 --> 00:22:54,783 ITSELF. BUY EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED. THERE'S NO BETTER WAY TO STRETCH 646 00:22:54,807 --> 00:22:56,417 BUY EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED. THERE'S NO BETTER WAY TO STRETCH YOUR SHOPPING DOLLARS. 647 00:22:56,441 --> 00:22:58,108 K-PUT'S PRICE-IS-RITE STAMP GUN. 648 00:22:58,243 --> 00:22:59,943 A STEAL AT ONLY $49.95 WHILE 649 00:23:00,078 --> 00:23:00,711 THEY LAST. 650 00:23:00,846 --> 00:23:03,080 THAT'S $49.95 TO K-PUT 651 00:23:03,214 --> 00:23:04,482 PRICE-IS-RITE STAMP GUN, 652 00:23:04,616 --> 00:23:05,949 DEPARTMENT 8, SHOPPING MALL, 653 00:23:06,084 --> 00:23:06,684 NEW JERSEY. 654 00:23:06,818 --> 00:23:09,052 VOID WHERE PROHIBITED BY LAW. 655 00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:17,320 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [MUMBLING] HI, FERN, I'M HOME. 656 00:23:20,466 --> 00:23:21,710 [MUMBLING] HI, FERN, I'M HOME. OH, HI! 657 00:23:21,734 --> 00:23:22,611 HI, FERN, I'M HOME. OH, HI! YOU'RE JUST IN TIME. 658 00:23:22,635 --> 00:23:23,945 OH, HI! YOU'RE JUST IN TIME. I MADE SOME COOKIES, AND HERE'S 659 00:23:23,969 --> 00:23:24,646 YOU'RE JUST IN TIME. I MADE SOME COOKIES, AND HERE'S SOME MILK. 660 00:23:24,670 --> 00:23:27,082 I MADE SOME COOKIES, AND HERE'S SOME MILK. OH, GREAT, I'M SO THIRSTY, I 661 00:23:27,106 --> 00:23:29,451 SOME MILK. OH, GREAT, I'M SO THIRSTY, I COULD DRINK A HORSE. 662 00:23:29,475 --> 00:23:32,120 OH, GREAT, I'M SO THIRSTY, I COULD DRINK A HORSE. BOY, ARE YOU STUPID. 663 00:23:32,144 --> 00:23:33,622 COULD DRINK A HORSE. BOY, ARE YOU STUPID. IT'S "EAT A HORSE." 664 00:23:33,646 --> 00:23:35,156 BOY, ARE YOU STUPID. IT'S "EAT A HORSE." "I COULD EAT A HORSE." 665 00:23:35,180 --> 00:23:36,925 IT'S "EAT A HORSE." "I COULD EAT A HORSE." WELL, YOU DO WHATEVER YOU 666 00:23:36,949 --> 00:23:37,760 "I COULD EAT A HORSE." WELL, YOU DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, FERN. 667 00:23:37,784 --> 00:23:39,261 WELL, YOU DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, FERN. I'M STILL THIRSTY. 668 00:23:39,285 --> 00:23:41,162 WANT, FERN. I'M STILL THIRSTY. WELL, HERE, HAVE SOME MILK. 669 00:23:41,186 --> 00:23:42,731 I'M STILL THIRSTY. WELL, HERE, HAVE SOME MILK. OH, THANKS. 670 00:23:42,755 --> 00:23:45,768 WELL, HERE, HAVE SOME MILK. OH, THANKS. [LAUGHTER] 671 00:23:45,792 --> 00:23:47,669 OH, THANKS. [LAUGHTER] GEE, THIS MILK ISN'T TOO 672 00:23:47,693 --> 00:23:48,270 [LAUGHTER] GEE, THIS MILK ISN'T TOO GOOD. 673 00:23:48,294 --> 00:23:49,938 GEE, THIS MILK ISN'T TOO GOOD. I'M STILL THIRSTY. 674 00:23:49,962 --> 00:23:51,172 GOOD. I'M STILL THIRSTY. WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE YOU 675 00:23:51,196 --> 00:23:52,441 I'M STILL THIRSTY. WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE YOU POURED IT IN YOUR PURSE, YOU 676 00:23:52,465 --> 00:23:52,775 WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE YOU POURED IT IN YOUR PURSE, YOU SEE. 677 00:23:52,799 --> 00:23:54,743 POURED IT IN YOUR PURSE, YOU SEE. OH. 678 00:23:54,767 --> 00:23:56,445 SEE. OH. YOU'RE NOT TOO BRIGHT, ARE 679 00:23:56,469 --> 00:23:57,212 OH. YOU'RE NOT TOO BRIGHT, ARE YOU, FERN? 680 00:23:57,236 --> 00:24:05,236 YOU'RE NOT TOO BRIGHT, ARE YOU, FERN? I MEAN... WHATEVER YOUR NAME WAS. 681 00:24:05,311 --> 00:24:06,922 YOU, FERN? I MEAN... WHATEVER YOUR NAME WAS. LISA. 682 00:24:06,946 --> 00:24:08,857 I MEAN... WHATEVER YOUR NAME WAS. LISA. AS A MATTER OF FACT, YOU'RE 683 00:24:08,881 --> 00:24:10,091 LISA. AS A MATTER OF FACT, YOU'RE EXTREMELY STUPID. 684 00:24:10,115 --> 00:24:13,429 AS A MATTER OF FACT, YOU'RE EXTREMELY STUPID. WELL, YOU'RE RIGHT, FERN, YOU 685 00:24:13,453 --> 00:24:16,231 EXTREMELY STUPID. WELL, YOU'RE RIGHT, FERN, YOU KNOW, AND I'M PROUD OF IT. 686 00:24:16,255 --> 00:24:18,467 WELL, YOU'RE RIGHT, FERN, YOU KNOW, AND I'M PROUD OF IT. YOU KNOW, WE ALL CAN'T BE 687 00:24:18,491 --> 00:24:20,335 KNOW, AND I'M PROUD OF IT. YOU KNOW, WE ALL CAN'T BE BRAINY LIKE FERN HERE. 688 00:24:20,359 --> 00:24:23,279 YOU KNOW, WE ALL CAN'T BE BRAINY LIKE FERN HERE. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] 689 00:24:30,735 --> 00:24:37,619 THAT'S WHY I WANT TO TALK TO YOU TONIGHT ON BEHALF OF A GOD-GIVEN AMERICAN RIGHT... THE RIGHT TO 690 00:24:37,643 --> 00:24:40,422 TONIGHT ON BEHALF OF A GOD-GIVEN AMERICAN RIGHT... THE RIGHT TO EXTREME STUPIDITY. 691 00:24:40,446 --> 00:24:42,257 AMERICAN RIGHT... THE RIGHT TO EXTREME STUPIDITY. EXTREMELY STUPID PEOPLE ARE 692 00:24:42,281 --> 00:24:44,225 EXTREME STUPIDITY. EXTREMELY STUPID PEOPLE ARE DISCRIMINATED AGAINST ALL THE 693 00:24:44,249 --> 00:24:46,862 EXTREMELY STUPID PEOPLE ARE DISCRIMINATED AGAINST ALL THE TIME, AND I SHOULD KNOW, AND SO 694 00:24:46,886 --> 00:24:50,532 DISCRIMINATED AGAINST ALL THE TIME, AND I SHOULD KNOW, AND SO SHOULD FERN, BECAUSE WE ARE 695 00:24:50,556 --> 00:24:53,735 TIME, AND I SHOULD KNOW, AND SO SHOULD FERN, BECAUSE WE ARE EXTREMELY STUPID PEOPLE. 696 00:24:53,759 --> 00:24:56,304 SHOULD FERN, BECAUSE WE ARE EXTREMELY STUPID PEOPLE. FOR INSTANCE, I THINK THAT BAMBI 697 00:24:56,328 --> 00:24:57,606 EXTREMELY STUPID PEOPLE. FOR INSTANCE, I THINK THAT BAMBI IS A FISH. 698 00:24:57,630 --> 00:25:00,943 FOR INSTANCE, I THINK THAT BAMBI IS A FISH. [LAUGHS] 699 00:25:00,967 --> 00:25:03,044 IS A FISH. [LAUGHS] YOU KNOW, THAT REMINDS ME OF A 700 00:25:03,068 --> 00:25:04,179 [LAUGHS] YOU KNOW, THAT REMINDS ME OF A LITTLE JOKE. 701 00:25:04,203 --> 00:25:05,581 YOU KNOW, THAT REMINDS ME OF A LITTLE JOKE. [LAUGHING] 702 00:25:05,605 --> 00:25:07,605 LITTLE JOKE. [LAUGHING] [LAUGHTER] 703 00:25:14,312 --> 00:25:22,263 BUT, SERIOUSLY... THE VERY ENGLISH LANGUAGE ITSELF IS DISCRIMINATORY AGAINST 704 00:25:22,287 --> 00:25:24,399 THE VERY ENGLISH LANGUAGE ITSELF IS DISCRIMINATORY AGAINST EXTREMELY STUPID PEOPLE. 705 00:25:24,423 --> 00:25:27,669 IS DISCRIMINATORY AGAINST EXTREMELY STUPID PEOPLE. FOR INSTANCE, INSULTING PHRASES 706 00:25:27,693 --> 00:25:32,007 EXTREMELY STUPID PEOPLE. FOR INSTANCE, INSULTING PHRASES LIKE, "BOY, ARE YOU DUMB" AND 707 00:25:32,031 --> 00:25:34,209 FOR INSTANCE, INSULTING PHRASES LIKE, "BOY, ARE YOU DUMB" AND "BOY, ARE YOU DUMB." 708 00:25:34,233 --> 00:25:36,545 LIKE, "BOY, ARE YOU DUMB" AND "BOY, ARE YOU DUMB." THANK YOU. 709 00:25:36,569 --> 00:25:38,814 "BOY, ARE YOU DUMB." THANK YOU. AND "YOU'RE NOT TOO BRIGHT, ARE 710 00:25:38,838 --> 00:25:39,748 THANK YOU. AND "YOU'RE NOT TOO BRIGHT, ARE YOU?" 711 00:25:39,772 --> 00:25:42,017 AND "YOU'RE NOT TOO BRIGHT, ARE YOU?" [LAUGHS] 712 00:25:42,041 --> 00:25:43,919 YOU?" [LAUGHS] "WHAT ARE YOU, STUPID?" 713 00:25:43,943 --> 00:25:45,186 [LAUGHS] "WHAT ARE YOU, STUPID?" [LAUGHS] 714 00:25:45,210 --> 00:25:47,255 "WHAT ARE YOU, STUPID?" [LAUGHS] "BOY, ARE YOU EVER EXTREMELY 715 00:25:47,279 --> 00:25:48,657 [LAUGHS] "BOY, ARE YOU EVER EXTREMELY STUPID." 716 00:25:48,681 --> 00:25:50,058 "BOY, ARE YOU EVER EXTREMELY STUPID." "I COULD DRINK A HORSE." 717 00:25:50,082 --> 00:25:51,192 STUPID." "I COULD DRINK A HORSE." [LAUGHS] 718 00:25:51,216 --> 00:25:52,193 "I COULD DRINK A HORSE." [LAUGHS] "GOSH, AM I THIRSTY." 719 00:25:52,217 --> 00:25:53,595 [LAUGHS] "GOSH, AM I THIRSTY." THIS HAS BEEN A PAID MESSAGE 720 00:25:53,619 --> 00:25:54,863 "GOSH, AM I THIRSTY." THIS HAS BEEN A PAID MESSAGE FROM THE RIGHT TO EXTREME 721 00:25:54,887 --> 00:25:55,998 THIS HAS BEEN A PAID MESSAGE FROM THE RIGHT TO EXTREME STUPIDITY LEAGUE. 722 00:25:56,022 --> 00:25:58,188 FROM THE RIGHT TO EXTREME STUPIDITY LEAGUE. [APPLAUSE] 723 00:26:09,901 --> 00:26:13,415 Announcer: AND NOW "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH JANE CURTIN. 724 00:26:13,439 --> 00:26:14,449 "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH JANE CURTIN. LONELY, LONELY THING. 725 00:26:14,473 --> 00:26:15,751 JANE CURTIN. LONELY, LONELY THING. DO YOU THINK I LIKE BEING 726 00:26:15,775 --> 00:26:16,151 LONELY, LONELY THING. DO YOU THINK I LIKE BEING HERE? 727 00:26:16,175 --> 00:26:17,385 DO YOU THINK I LIKE BEING HERE? DO YOU THINK I ENJOY THIS? 728 00:26:17,409 --> 00:26:18,119 HERE? DO YOU THINK I ENJOY THIS? YOU'RE CRAZY. 729 00:26:18,143 --> 00:26:18,754 DO YOU THINK I ENJOY THIS? YOU'RE CRAZY. OH, COME ON. 730 00:26:18,778 --> 00:26:19,621 YOU'RE CRAZY. OH, COME ON. YOU'VE GOT TO COME HOME 731 00:26:19,645 --> 00:26:20,055 OH, COME ON. YOU'VE GOT TO COME HOME SOMETIME. 732 00:26:20,079 --> 00:26:21,156 YOU'VE GOT TO COME HOME SOMETIME. SOMEBODY HAS GOT TO MAKE THE 733 00:26:21,180 --> 00:26:21,557 SOMETIME. SOMEBODY HAS GOT TO MAKE THE MONEY. 734 00:26:21,581 --> 00:26:22,558 SOMEBODY HAS GOT TO MAKE THE MONEY. OTHERWISE, WE CAN'T EAT. 735 00:26:22,582 --> 00:26:23,425 MONEY. OTHERWISE, WE CAN'T EAT. I'M WRITING A BOOK. 736 00:26:23,449 --> 00:26:24,392 OTHERWISE, WE CAN'T EAT. I'M WRITING A BOOK. IT'S GONNA MAKE A FORTUNE. 737 00:26:24,416 --> 00:26:29,765 I'M WRITING A BOOK. IT'S GONNA MAKE A FORTUNE. THE BOOK, THE BOOK. BIG DEAL. 738 00:26:29,789 --> 00:26:31,900 IT'S GONNA MAKE A FORTUNE. THE BOOK, THE BOOK. BIG DEAL. OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... STILL 739 00:26:31,924 --> 00:26:33,735 THE BOOK, THE BOOK. BIG DEAL. OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... STILL TRYING TO MAKE UP HIS CAMPAIGN 740 00:26:33,759 --> 00:26:35,604 OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... STILL TRYING TO MAKE UP HIS CAMPAIGN DEFICIT, PRESIDENT-ELECT CARTER 741 00:26:35,628 --> 00:26:37,172 TRYING TO MAKE UP HIS CAMPAIGN DEFICIT, PRESIDENT-ELECT CARTER HAS TAKEN A PART-TIME JOB 742 00:26:37,196 --> 00:26:38,707 DEFICIT, PRESIDENT-ELECT CARTER HAS TAKEN A PART-TIME JOB DELIVERING DRY CLEANING IN THE 743 00:26:38,731 --> 00:26:41,409 HAS TAKEN A PART-TIME JOB DELIVERING DRY CLEANING IN THE WASHINGTON AREA. 744 00:26:41,433 --> 00:26:43,045 DELIVERING DRY CLEANING IN THE WASHINGTON AREA. AS A SECURITY MEASURE, TO AVOID 745 00:26:43,069 --> 00:26:44,446 WASHINGTON AREA. AS A SECURITY MEASURE, TO AVOID ANY LEAKING OF WHITE HOUSE 746 00:26:44,470 --> 00:26:46,081 AS A SECURITY MEASURE, TO AVOID ANY LEAKING OF WHITE HOUSE INFORMATION, THE SECRET SERVICE 747 00:26:46,105 --> 00:26:47,816 ANY LEAKING OF WHITE HOUSE INFORMATION, THE SECRET SERVICE HAS STAPLED AMY CARTER'S EYES 748 00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:49,718 INFORMATION, THE SECRET SERVICE HAS STAPLED AMY CARTER'S EYES SHUT AND EPOXIED HER HAND TO HER 749 00:26:49,742 --> 00:26:50,886 HAS STAPLED AMY CARTER'S EYES SHUT AND EPOXIED HER HAND TO HER MOUTH FOR THE DURATION OF 750 00:26:50,910 --> 00:26:52,454 SHUT AND EPOXIED HER HAND TO HER MOUTH FOR THE DURATION OF JIMMY CARTER'S TERM. 751 00:26:52,478 --> 00:26:53,655 MOUTH FOR THE DURATION OF JIMMY CARTER'S TERM. A DECISION ON WHAT TO DO WITH 752 00:26:53,679 --> 00:26:58,093 JIMMY CARTER'S TERM. A DECISION ON WHAT TO DO WITH AMY'S EARS WILL BE MADE SHORTLY. 753 00:26:58,117 --> 00:26:59,828 A DECISION ON WHAT TO DO WITH AMY'S EARS WILL BE MADE SHORTLY. PRESIDENT FORD FINALLY REVEALED 754 00:26:59,852 --> 00:27:01,063 AMY'S EARS WILL BE MADE SHORTLY. PRESIDENT FORD FINALLY REVEALED THE SUBSTANCE OF HIS 755 00:27:01,087 --> 00:27:02,798 PRESIDENT FORD FINALLY REVEALED THE SUBSTANCE OF HIS POST-ELECTION TELEPHONE CALL TO 756 00:27:02,822 --> 00:27:03,865 THE SUBSTANCE OF HIS POST-ELECTION TELEPHONE CALL TO RICHARD NIXON. 757 00:27:03,889 --> 00:27:05,333 POST-ELECTION TELEPHONE CALL TO RICHARD NIXON. FORD ASKED NIXON IF HE THOUGHT 758 00:27:05,357 --> 00:27:06,702 RICHARD NIXON. FORD ASKED NIXON IF HE THOUGHT JIMMY CARTER WOULD ABUSE THE 759 00:27:06,726 --> 00:27:07,636 FORD ASKED NIXON IF HE THOUGHT JIMMY CARTER WOULD ABUSE THE PRESIDENCY. 760 00:27:07,660 --> 00:27:09,805 JIMMY CARTER WOULD ABUSE THE PRESIDENCY. NIXON SAID, "NAH, HE DOESN'T 761 00:27:09,829 --> 00:27:11,239 PRESIDENCY. NIXON SAID, "NAH, HE DOESN'T HAVE THE EXPERIENCE." 762 00:27:11,263 --> 00:27:12,841 NIXON SAID, "NAH, HE DOESN'T HAVE THE EXPERIENCE." [LIGHT LAUGHTER] 763 00:27:12,865 --> 00:27:17,746 HAVE THE EXPERIENCE." [LIGHT LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] 764 00:27:17,770 --> 00:27:19,314 [LIGHT LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] DESPITE THE FACT THAT HIS DAYS 765 00:27:19,338 --> 00:27:20,682 [LAUGHTER] DESPITE THE FACT THAT HIS DAYS AS SECRETARY OF STATE ARE 766 00:27:20,706 --> 00:27:22,350 DESPITE THE FACT THAT HIS DAYS AS SECRETARY OF STATE ARE NUMBERED, HENRY KISSINGER SHOWED 767 00:27:22,374 --> 00:27:24,252 AS SECRETARY OF STATE ARE NUMBERED, HENRY KISSINGER SHOWED HE STILL HAS A SENSE OF HUMOR. 768 00:27:24,276 --> 00:27:25,787 NUMBERED, HENRY KISSINGER SHOWED HE STILL HAS A SENSE OF HUMOR. THE ETERNAL DIPLOMAT IS SHOWN 769 00:27:25,811 --> 00:27:27,422 HE STILL HAS A SENSE OF HUMOR. THE ETERNAL DIPLOMAT IS SHOWN HERE AT A WASHINGTON PARTY DOING 770 00:27:27,446 --> 00:27:29,091 THE ETERNAL DIPLOMAT IS SHOWN HERE AT A WASHINGTON PARTY DOING HIS IMPRESSION OF CHINESE LEADER 771 00:27:29,115 --> 00:27:30,926 HERE AT A WASHINGTON PARTY DOING HIS IMPRESSION OF CHINESE LEADER HUA KUO-FENG. 772 00:27:30,950 --> 00:27:34,295 HIS IMPRESSION OF CHINESE LEADER HUA KUO-FENG. [LAUGHTER] 773 00:27:34,319 --> 00:27:38,100 HUA KUO-FENG. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHS] 774 00:27:38,124 --> 00:27:40,002 [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHS] THE FIRST ANNUAL BARBARA WALTERS 775 00:27:40,026 --> 00:27:41,937 [LAUGHS] THE FIRST ANNUAL BARBARA WALTERS LOOK-ALIKE CONTEST WAS HELD THIS 776 00:27:41,961 --> 00:27:43,571 THE FIRST ANNUAL BARBARA WALTERS LOOK-ALIKE CONTEST WAS HELD THIS WEEK IN WASHINGTON, AND THE 777 00:27:43,595 --> 00:27:45,373 LOOK-ALIKE CONTEST WAS HELD THIS WEEK IN WASHINGTON, AND THE FIRST RUNNER-UP WAS FIRST LADY 778 00:27:45,397 --> 00:27:46,541 WEEK IN WASHINGTON, AND THE FIRST RUNNER-UP WAS FIRST LADY BETTY FORD. 779 00:27:46,565 --> 00:27:47,909 FIRST RUNNER-UP WAS FIRST LADY BETTY FORD. THE WINNER WAS BARBARA WALTERS, 780 00:27:47,933 --> 00:27:49,344 BETTY FORD. THE WINNER WAS BARBARA WALTERS, WHO REMARKED THAT SHE DOESN'T 781 00:27:49,368 --> 00:27:50,646 THE WINNER WAS BARBARA WALTERS, WHO REMARKED THAT SHE DOESN'T FEEL SHE REALLY LOOKS LIKE 782 00:27:50,670 --> 00:27:52,147 WHO REMARKED THAT SHE DOESN'T FEEL SHE REALLY LOOKS LIKE HERSELF BUT WILL USE THE PRIZE 783 00:27:52,171 --> 00:27:53,615 FEEL SHE REALLY LOOKS LIKE HERSELF BUT WILL USE THE PRIZE MONEY TO BUY A LIFETIME SUPPLY 784 00:27:53,639 --> 00:27:54,616 HERSELF BUT WILL USE THE PRIZE MONEY TO BUY A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF THE LETTER "R." 785 00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:57,619 MONEY TO BUY A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF THE LETTER "R." [LAUGHTER] 786 00:27:57,643 --> 00:27:59,254 OF THE LETTER "R." [LAUGHTER] AND, IN SPORTS THIS WEEK, 787 00:27:59,278 --> 00:28:00,588 [LAUGHTER] AND, IN SPORTS THIS WEEK, UNDERWATER EXPLORER 788 00:28:00,612 --> 00:28:02,658 AND, IN SPORTS THIS WEEK, UNDERWATER EXPLORER JACQUES COUSTEAU HAS DISCOVERED 789 00:28:02,682 --> 00:28:04,259 UNDERWATER EXPLORER JACQUES COUSTEAU HAS DISCOVERED A TRIBE OF 11-INCH-TALL 790 00:28:04,283 --> 00:28:06,327 JACQUES COUSTEAU HAS DISCOVERED A TRIBE OF 11-INCH-TALL PRIZEFIGHTERS IN THE AEGEAN SEA. 791 00:28:06,351 --> 00:28:08,030 A TRIBE OF 11-INCH-TALL PRIZEFIGHTERS IN THE AEGEAN SEA. NEGOTIATIONS ARE UNDER WAY TO 792 00:28:08,054 --> 00:28:09,531 PRIZEFIGHTERS IN THE AEGEAN SEA. NEGOTIATIONS ARE UNDER WAY TO MATCH ONE OF THEM AGAINST 793 00:28:09,555 --> 00:28:10,331 NEGOTIATIONS ARE UNDER WAY TO MATCH ONE OF THEM AGAINST MAYOR BEAME AT 794 00:28:10,355 --> 00:28:11,399 MATCH ONE OF THEM AGAINST MAYOR BEAME AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN NEXT 795 00:28:11,423 --> 00:28:12,300 MAYOR BEAME AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN NEXT SPRING. 796 00:28:12,324 --> 00:28:14,536 MADISON SQUARE GARDEN NEXT SPRING. [LAUGHTER] 797 00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:16,138 SPRING. [LAUGHTER] AND NOW "UPDATE" PRESENTS A 798 00:28:16,162 --> 00:28:17,405 [LAUGHTER] AND NOW "UPDATE" PRESENTS A SPECIAL CHRISTMAS SEGMENT, 799 00:28:17,429 --> 00:28:18,774 AND NOW "UPDATE" PRESENTS A SPECIAL CHRISTMAS SEGMENT, COURTESY OF THE UNITED STATES 800 00:28:18,798 --> 00:28:20,441 SPECIAL CHRISTMAS SEGMENT, COURTESY OF THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT'S PUBLIC SAFETY 801 00:28:20,465 --> 00:28:21,109 COURTESY OF THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT'S PUBLIC SAFETY BUREAU. 802 00:28:21,133 --> 00:28:22,811 GOVERNMENT'S PUBLIC SAFETY BUREAU. HERE IS CORRESPONDENT RAY BASALT 803 00:28:22,835 --> 00:28:23,812 BUREAU. HERE IS CORRESPONDENT RAY BASALT WITH THE DECEMBER 804 00:28:23,836 --> 00:28:26,815 HERE IS CORRESPONDENT RAY BASALT WITH THE DECEMBER RADIOACTIVE-FALLOUT REPORT. 805 00:28:26,839 --> 00:28:27,549 WITH THE DECEMBER RADIOACTIVE-FALLOUT REPORT. THANK YOU, JANE. 806 00:28:27,573 --> 00:28:28,616 RADIOACTIVE-FALLOUT REPORT. THANK YOU, JANE. HI, EVERYBODY, AND WELCOME TO 807 00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:29,350 THANK YOU, JANE. HI, EVERYBODY, AND WELCOME TO THE FALLOUT REPORT. 808 00:28:29,374 --> 00:28:30,618 HI, EVERYBODY, AND WELCOME TO THE FALLOUT REPORT. WE, UH, HOPE TO GIVE YOU AS MUCH 809 00:28:30,642 --> 00:28:31,753 THE FALLOUT REPORT. WE, UH, HOPE TO GIVE YOU AS MUCH INFORMATION AS WE CAN ON THE 810 00:28:31,777 --> 00:28:32,921 WE, UH, HOPE TO GIVE YOU AS MUCH INFORMATION AS WE CAN ON THE DOMESTIC FALLOUT SITUATION FOR 811 00:28:32,945 --> 00:28:33,755 INFORMATION AS WE CAN ON THE DOMESTIC FALLOUT SITUATION FOR THE HOLIDAY SEASON. 812 00:28:33,779 --> 00:28:35,223 DOMESTIC FALLOUT SITUATION FOR THE HOLIDAY SEASON. I'M RAY BASALT, AND HERE'S HOW 813 00:28:35,247 --> 00:28:35,791 THE HOLIDAY SEASON. I'M RAY BASALT, AND HERE'S HOW IT LOOKS: 814 00:28:35,815 --> 00:28:37,392 I'M RAY BASALT, AND HERE'S HOW IT LOOKS: OKAY, PREVAILING NORTHERLY WINDS 815 00:28:37,416 --> 00:28:38,994 IT LOOKS: OKAY, PREVAILING NORTHERLY WINDS IN THE MID-ATLANTIC HAVE CARRIED 816 00:28:39,018 --> 00:28:40,929 OKAY, PREVAILING NORTHERLY WINDS IN THE MID-ATLANTIC HAVE CARRIED A CLOUD OF RADIOACTIVE PARTICLES 817 00:28:40,953 --> 00:28:42,363 IN THE MID-ATLANTIC HAVE CARRIED A CLOUD OF RADIOACTIVE PARTICLES INTO A FEW POPULATION CENTERS 818 00:28:42,387 --> 00:28:43,932 A CLOUD OF RADIOACTIVE PARTICLES INTO A FEW POPULATION CENTERS ALONG THE EASTERN SEABOARD HERE. 819 00:28:43,956 --> 00:28:45,834 INTO A FEW POPULATION CENTERS ALONG THE EASTERN SEABOARD HERE. NOW, THIS DEBRIS IS THE RESULT 820 00:28:45,858 --> 00:28:47,669 ALONG THE EASTERN SEABOARD HERE. NOW, THIS DEBRIS IS THE RESULT OF A BLAST THAT WAS DETONATED 821 00:28:47,693 --> 00:28:49,470 NOW, THIS DEBRIS IS THE RESULT OF A BLAST THAT WAS DETONATED OVER 4,000 MILES AWAY BY THE 822 00:28:49,494 --> 00:28:50,672 OF A BLAST THAT WAS DETONATED OVER 4,000 MILES AWAY BY THE INDIAN GOVERNMENT IN THE 823 00:28:50,696 --> 00:28:51,639 OVER 4,000 MILES AWAY BY THE INDIAN GOVERNMENT IN THE GOBI DESERT. 824 00:28:51,663 --> 00:28:52,941 INDIAN GOVERNMENT IN THE GOBI DESERT. AND IT'S AFFECTING THE TRI-STATE 825 00:28:52,965 --> 00:28:53,308 GOBI DESERT. AND IT'S AFFECTING THE TRI-STATE AREA. 826 00:28:53,332 --> 00:28:54,676 AND IT'S AFFECTING THE TRI-STATE AREA. THESE PARTICLES ARE EXPECTED TO 827 00:28:54,700 --> 00:28:55,844 AREA. THESE PARTICLES ARE EXPECTED TO START SPRINKLING DOWN INTO 828 00:28:55,868 --> 00:28:57,145 THESE PARTICLES ARE EXPECTED TO START SPRINKLING DOWN INTO NEW JERSEY, PENNSYLVANIA, AND 829 00:28:57,169 --> 00:28:58,780 START SPRINKLING DOWN INTO NEW JERSEY, PENNSYLVANIA, AND PARTS OF NEW YORK STATE EARLY 830 00:28:58,804 --> 00:28:59,480 NEW JERSEY, PENNSYLVANIA, AND PARTS OF NEW YORK STATE EARLY NEXT WEEK. 831 00:28:59,504 --> 00:29:00,415 PARTS OF NEW YORK STATE EARLY NEXT WEEK. NOT MUCH TO WORRY ABOUT, 832 00:29:00,439 --> 00:29:00,816 NEXT WEEK. NOT MUCH TO WORRY ABOUT, HOWEVER. 833 00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:01,950 NOT MUCH TO WORRY ABOUT, HOWEVER. THESE PARTICLES ARE FAR TOO BIG 834 00:29:01,974 --> 00:29:03,451 HOWEVER. THESE PARTICLES ARE FAR TOO BIG TO INHALE INTO THE LUNGS. 835 00:29:03,475 --> 00:29:05,087 THESE PARTICLES ARE FAR TOO BIG TO INHALE INTO THE LUNGS. HOWEVER, THEY DO CONTAIN 836 00:29:05,111 --> 00:29:07,089 TO INHALE INTO THE LUNGS. HOWEVER, THEY DO CONTAIN TELLURIUM GAMMA RAYS, SO WATER, 837 00:29:07,113 --> 00:29:08,356 HOWEVER, THEY DO CONTAIN TELLURIUM GAMMA RAYS, SO WATER, MILK, AND ALL DAIRY PRODUCTS 838 00:29:08,380 --> 00:29:09,725 TELLURIUM GAMMA RAYS, SO WATER, MILK, AND ALL DAIRY PRODUCTS WILL BE CONTAMINATED THROUGHOUT 839 00:29:09,749 --> 00:29:10,826 MILK, AND ALL DAIRY PRODUCTS WILL BE CONTAMINATED THROUGHOUT THE HOLIDAY SEASON FOR AT LEAST 840 00:29:10,850 --> 00:29:11,993 WILL BE CONTAMINATED THROUGHOUT THE HOLIDAY SEASON FOR AT LEAST TWO MONTHS, ANYWAY. 841 00:29:12,017 --> 00:29:13,461 THE HOLIDAY SEASON FOR AT LEAST TWO MONTHS, ANYWAY. WELL, IT IS THE SOFT-DRINK 842 00:29:13,485 --> 00:29:15,030 TWO MONTHS, ANYWAY. WELL, IT IS THE SOFT-DRINK SEASON, SO WE DON'T HAVE TOO 843 00:29:15,054 --> 00:29:16,198 WELL, IT IS THE SOFT-DRINK SEASON, SO WE DON'T HAVE TOO MUCH TO WORRY ABOUT. 844 00:29:16,222 --> 00:29:17,232 SEASON, SO WE DON'T HAVE TOO MUCH TO WORRY ABOUT. OKAY, LET'S TURN TO THE 845 00:29:17,256 --> 00:29:18,533 MUCH TO WORRY ABOUT. OKAY, LET'S TURN TO THE WEST COAST NOW AND SEE WHAT WE 846 00:29:18,557 --> 00:29:19,467 OKAY, LET'S TURN TO THE WEST COAST NOW AND SEE WHAT WE FIND HERE. 847 00:29:19,491 --> 00:29:20,836 WEST COAST NOW AND SEE WHAT WE FIND HERE. ALL RIGHT, LAST SUMMER, AS YOU 848 00:29:20,860 --> 00:29:22,003 FIND HERE. ALL RIGHT, LAST SUMMER, AS YOU KNOW, WAS A HEAVY TIME OF 849 00:29:22,027 --> 00:29:23,271 ALL RIGHT, LAST SUMMER, AS YOU KNOW, WAS A HEAVY TIME OF THERMONUCLEAR TESTING BY THE 850 00:29:23,295 --> 00:29:24,873 KNOW, WAS A HEAVY TIME OF THERMONUCLEAR TESTING BY THE PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF CHINA. 851 00:29:24,897 --> 00:29:26,141 THERMONUCLEAR TESTING BY THE PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF CHINA. IN JULY, THEY DETONATED A 852 00:29:26,165 --> 00:29:26,775 PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF CHINA. IN JULY, THEY DETONATED A 50-MEGATON 853 00:29:26,799 --> 00:29:28,176 IN JULY, THEY DETONATED A 50-MEGATON FISSION-FUSION-FISSION DEVICE 854 00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:29,410 50-MEGATON FISSION-FUSION-FISSION DEVICE ABOVE THE PACIFIC OCEAN. 855 00:29:29,434 --> 00:29:31,012 FISSION-FUSION-FISSION DEVICE ABOVE THE PACIFIC OCEAN. THIS RESULTED IN A HIGH-ALTITUDE 856 00:29:31,036 --> 00:29:31,613 ABOVE THE PACIFIC OCEAN. THIS RESULTED IN A HIGH-ALTITUDE AIRBURST. 857 00:29:31,637 --> 00:29:32,881 THIS RESULTED IN A HIGH-ALTITUDE AIRBURST. NOW, THE FISSION PRODUCTS FROM 858 00:29:32,905 --> 00:29:34,082 AIRBURST. NOW, THE FISSION PRODUCTS FROM THIS DETONATION, WHICH LINGER 859 00:29:34,106 --> 00:29:35,050 NOW, THE FISSION PRODUCTS FROM THIS DETONATION, WHICH LINGER JUST BELOW THE EARTH'S 860 00:29:35,074 --> 00:29:36,251 THIS DETONATION, WHICH LINGER JUST BELOW THE EARTH'S TROPOSPHERE, HAVE STARTED TO 861 00:29:36,275 --> 00:29:37,052 JUST BELOW THE EARTH'S TROPOSPHERE, HAVE STARTED TO DROP. 862 00:29:37,076 --> 00:29:38,319 TROPOSPHERE, HAVE STARTED TO DROP. THEY'RE BEING MOVED ACROSS THE 863 00:29:38,343 --> 00:29:39,621 DROP. THEY'RE BEING MOVED ACROSS THE PACIFIC WATER BODY BY THE HIGH 864 00:29:39,645 --> 00:29:40,555 THEY'RE BEING MOVED ACROSS THE PACIFIC WATER BODY BY THE HIGH WINDS UP THERE IN THE 865 00:29:40,579 --> 00:29:41,322 PACIFIC WATER BODY BY THE HIGH WINDS UP THERE IN THE TROPOSPHERE. 866 00:29:41,346 --> 00:29:42,924 WINDS UP THERE IN THE TROPOSPHERE. THIS, COUPLED WITH COLD FRONTS 867 00:29:42,948 --> 00:29:43,992 TROPOSPHERE. THIS, COUPLED WITH COLD FRONTS WHICH MOVE UP INTO 868 00:29:44,016 --> 00:29:45,627 THIS, COUPLED WITH COLD FRONTS WHICH MOVE UP INTO SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA FROM TEXAS, 869 00:29:45,651 --> 00:29:47,262 WHICH MOVE UP INTO SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA FROM TEXAS, ALL IN ALL, WELL, WE SHOULD SAY 870 00:29:47,286 --> 00:29:48,797 SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA FROM TEXAS, ALL IN ALL, WELL, WE SHOULD SAY THAT, WELL, IT SHOULD BRING A 871 00:29:48,821 --> 00:29:50,465 ALL IN ALL, WELL, WE SHOULD SAY THAT, WELL, IT SHOULD BRING A FAIRLY HEAVY SHOWER OF DANGEROUS 872 00:29:50,489 --> 00:29:51,733 THAT, WELL, IT SHOULD BRING A FAIRLY HEAVY SHOWER OF DANGEROUS BETA PARTICLES INTO THE 873 00:29:51,757 --> 00:29:53,434 FAIRLY HEAVY SHOWER OF DANGEROUS BETA PARTICLES INTO THE SAN DIEGO AREA SOMETIME NEAR THE 874 00:29:53,458 --> 00:29:54,903 BETA PARTICLES INTO THE SAN DIEGO AREA SOMETIME NEAR THE END OF THE MONTH AND PROBABLY 875 00:29:54,927 --> 00:29:56,171 SAN DIEGO AREA SOMETIME NEAR THE END OF THE MONTH AND PROBABLY BEFORE CHRISTMAS ANYWAY. 876 00:29:56,195 --> 00:29:57,205 END OF THE MONTH AND PROBABLY BEFORE CHRISTMAS ANYWAY. NOW, THAT BLAST WAS A PRETTY 877 00:29:57,229 --> 00:29:58,373 BEFORE CHRISTMAS ANYWAY. NOW, THAT BLAST WAS A PRETTY HEAVY ONE, SO THE YIELD OF BETA 878 00:29:58,397 --> 00:29:59,340 NOW, THAT BLAST WAS A PRETTY HEAVY ONE, SO THE YIELD OF BETA PARTICLES WILL BE SIZABLE. 879 00:29:59,364 --> 00:30:00,575 HEAVY ONE, SO THE YIELD OF BETA PARTICLES WILL BE SIZABLE. BETA PARTICLES, OF COURSE, AS 880 00:30:00,599 --> 00:30:01,609 PARTICLES WILL BE SIZABLE. BETA PARTICLES, OF COURSE, AS YOU KNOW, CAUSE SERIOUS 881 00:30:01,633 --> 00:30:02,911 BETA PARTICLES, OF COURSE, AS YOU KNOW, CAUSE SERIOUS RADIATION BURNS, SO, SAN DIEGO 882 00:30:02,935 --> 00:30:04,112 YOU KNOW, CAUSE SERIOUS RADIATION BURNS, SO, SAN DIEGO RESIDENTS, STAY INSIDE, KEEP 883 00:30:04,136 --> 00:30:05,413 RADIATION BURNS, SO, SAN DIEGO RESIDENTS, STAY INSIDE, KEEP PETS INSIDE, DON'T DRINK OR EAT 884 00:30:05,437 --> 00:30:06,581 RESIDENTS, STAY INSIDE, KEEP PETS INSIDE, DON'T DRINK OR EAT ANYTHING, AND, IF YOU HAVE A 885 00:30:06,605 --> 00:30:08,549 PETS INSIDE, DON'T DRINK OR EAT ANYTHING, AND, IF YOU HAVE A LEAD SUIT, WEAR IT. 886 00:30:08,573 --> 00:30:10,051 ANYTHING, AND, IF YOU HAVE A LEAD SUIT, WEAR IT. ELSEWHERE ACROSS THE COUNTRY, IN 887 00:30:10,075 --> 00:30:11,386 LEAD SUIT, WEAR IT. ELSEWHERE ACROSS THE COUNTRY, IN FLORIDA, SOME PARTICLES AS A 888 00:30:11,410 --> 00:30:12,854 ELSEWHERE ACROSS THE COUNTRY, IN FLORIDA, SOME PARTICLES AS A RESULT OF FRENCH TESTING IN THE 889 00:30:12,878 --> 00:30:14,022 FLORIDA, SOME PARTICLES AS A RESULT OF FRENCH TESTING IN THE ANTARCTIC. 890 00:30:14,046 --> 00:30:15,390 RESULT OF FRENCH TESTING IN THE ANTARCTIC. ALL ACROSS THE MIDWEST, THERE 891 00:30:15,414 --> 00:30:16,591 ANTARCTIC. ALL ACROSS THE MIDWEST, THERE ARE PARTICLES THERE FROM 892 00:30:16,615 --> 00:30:17,993 ALL ACROSS THE MIDWEST, THERE ARE PARTICLES THERE FROM DOMESTIC TESTING IN NEVADA, OF 893 00:30:18,017 --> 00:30:20,195 ARE PARTICLES THERE FROM DOMESTIC TESTING IN NEVADA, OF COURSE, AND, UH, THERE WAS SOME 894 00:30:20,219 --> 00:30:21,930 DOMESTIC TESTING IN NEVADA, OF COURSE, AND, UH, THERE WAS SOME IN TEXAS DOWN HERE NEAR 895 00:30:21,954 --> 00:30:23,098 COURSE, AND, UH, THERE WAS SOME IN TEXAS DOWN HERE NEAR CORPUS CHRISTI. 896 00:30:23,122 --> 00:30:24,032 IN TEXAS DOWN HERE NEAR CORPUS CHRISTI. NOTHING TOO SERIOUS. 897 00:30:24,056 --> 00:30:25,500 CORPUS CHRISTI. NOTHING TOO SERIOUS. WE SHOULD MENTION, HOWEVER, THE 898 00:30:25,524 --> 00:30:26,902 NOTHING TOO SERIOUS. WE SHOULD MENTION, HOWEVER, THE BETA CLOUD OVER SAN DIEGO WILL 899 00:30:26,926 --> 00:30:28,069 WE SHOULD MENTION, HOWEVER, THE BETA CLOUD OVER SAN DIEGO WILL BE MOVING ON UP INTO THE 900 00:30:28,093 --> 00:30:29,370 BETA CLOUD OVER SAN DIEGO WILL BE MOVING ON UP INTO THE LOS ANGELES AREA. 901 00:30:29,394 --> 00:30:30,371 BE MOVING ON UP INTO THE LOS ANGELES AREA. AND, ALTHOUGH IT WON'T BE 902 00:30:30,395 --> 00:30:31,472 LOS ANGELES AREA. AND, ALTHOUGH IT WON'T BE DANGEROUS FROM A RADIOACTIVE 903 00:30:31,496 --> 00:30:32,473 AND, ALTHOUGH IT WON'T BE DANGEROUS FROM A RADIOACTIVE STANDPOINT, THE REMAINING 904 00:30:32,497 --> 00:30:33,541 DANGEROUS FROM A RADIOACTIVE STANDPOINT, THE REMAINING FALLOUT, WHEN COMBINED WITH 905 00:30:33,565 --> 00:30:34,876 STANDPOINT, THE REMAINING FALLOUT, WHEN COMBINED WITH HYDROCARBON EMISSIONS IN THE 906 00:30:34,900 --> 00:30:36,278 FALLOUT, WHEN COMBINED WITH HYDROCARBON EMISSIONS IN THE LOS ANGELES BASIN, SHOULD MAKE 907 00:30:36,302 --> 00:30:37,578 HYDROCARBON EMISSIONS IN THE LOS ANGELES BASIN, SHOULD MAKE FOR QUITE A BREW. 908 00:30:37,602 --> 00:30:40,548 LOS ANGELES BASIN, SHOULD MAKE FOR QUITE A BREW. AND A READING OF ONE, TWO, 909 00:30:40,572 --> 00:30:43,952 FOR QUITE A BREW. AND A READING OF ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR ON OUR AIR-QUALITY 910 00:30:43,976 --> 00:30:44,719 AND A READING OF ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR ON OUR AIR-QUALITY TABLE. 911 00:30:44,743 --> 00:30:46,721 THREE, FOUR ON OUR AIR-QUALITY TABLE. AND, REMEMBER, THE MLRD FOR 912 00:30:46,745 --> 00:30:47,989 TABLE. AND, REMEMBER, THE MLRD FOR HUMAN BEINGS... THAT'S MEDIAN 913 00:30:48,013 --> 00:30:50,025 AND, REMEMBER, THE MLRD FOR HUMAN BEINGS... THAT'S MEDIAN LETHAL RADIATION DOSE... IS 450 914 00:30:50,049 --> 00:30:50,692 HUMAN BEINGS... THAT'S MEDIAN LETHAL RADIATION DOSE... IS 450 REMS. 915 00:30:50,716 --> 00:30:52,160 LETHAL RADIATION DOSE... IS 450 REMS. ANYTHING UNDER THAT AND THE MOST 916 00:30:52,184 --> 00:30:53,494 REMS. ANYTHING UNDER THAT AND THE MOST YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH IS SOME 917 00:30:53,518 --> 00:30:54,863 ANYTHING UNDER THAT AND THE MOST YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH IS SOME ODD INTERNAL BLEEDING, LOSS OF 918 00:30:54,887 --> 00:30:56,264 YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH IS SOME ODD INTERNAL BLEEDING, LOSS OF HAIR, SKIN SORES, AND UNCEASING 919 00:30:56,288 --> 00:30:56,965 ODD INTERNAL BLEEDING, LOSS OF HAIR, SKIN SORES, AND UNCEASING NAUSEA. 920 00:30:56,989 --> 00:30:58,266 HAIR, SKIN SORES, AND UNCEASING NAUSEA. OKAY, AND THAT'S THE FALLOUT 921 00:30:58,290 --> 00:30:59,267 NAUSEA. OKAY, AND THAT'S THE FALLOUT REPORT FOR THE HOLIDAY SEASON. 922 00:30:59,291 --> 00:31:01,002 OKAY, AND THAT'S THE FALLOUT REPORT FOR THE HOLIDAY SEASON. BACK TO YOU, JANE. 923 00:31:01,026 --> 00:31:07,075 REPORT FOR THE HOLIDAY SEASON. BACK TO YOU, JANE. [APPLAUSE] 924 00:31:07,099 --> 00:31:08,844 BACK TO YOU, JANE. [APPLAUSE] OLGA KORBUT, THE SENSATIONAL 925 00:31:08,868 --> 00:31:10,378 [APPLAUSE] OLGA KORBUT, THE SENSATIONAL RUSSIAN GYMNAST OF THE '72 926 00:31:10,402 --> 00:31:12,047 OLGA KORBUT, THE SENSATIONAL RUSSIAN GYMNAST OF THE '72 OLYMPICS, ANNOUNCED THIS WEEK 927 00:31:12,071 --> 00:31:13,715 RUSSIAN GYMNAST OF THE '72 OLYMPICS, ANNOUNCED THIS WEEK THAT SHE WILL BE MARRIED NEXT 928 00:31:13,739 --> 00:31:15,217 OLYMPICS, ANNOUNCED THIS WEEK THAT SHE WILL BE MARRIED NEXT MONTH IN MOSCOW. 929 00:31:15,241 --> 00:31:16,784 THAT SHE WILL BE MARRIED NEXT MONTH IN MOSCOW. THE AGILE 21-YEAR-OLD IS SHOWN 930 00:31:16,808 --> 00:31:18,320 MONTH IN MOSCOW. THE AGILE 21-YEAR-OLD IS SHOWN HERE GETTING IN SHAPE FOR HER 931 00:31:18,344 --> 00:31:19,354 THE AGILE 21-YEAR-OLD IS SHOWN HERE GETTING IN SHAPE FOR HER WEDDING NIGHT. 932 00:31:19,378 --> 00:31:20,956 HERE GETTING IN SHAPE FOR HER WEDDING NIGHT. THE PROSPECTIVE BRIDEGROOM IS 933 00:31:20,980 --> 00:31:22,490 WEDDING NIGHT. THE PROSPECTIVE BRIDEGROOM IS REPORTED TO BE IN A RUSSIAN 934 00:31:22,514 --> 00:31:23,992 THE PROSPECTIVE BRIDEGROOM IS REPORTED TO BE IN A RUSSIAN HOSPITAL UNDERGOING SPECIAL 935 00:31:24,016 --> 00:31:25,693 REPORTED TO BE IN A RUSSIAN HOSPITAL UNDERGOING SPECIAL SURGERY TO HAVE ALL OF HIS BONES 936 00:31:25,717 --> 00:31:27,729 HOSPITAL UNDERGOING SPECIAL SURGERY TO HAVE ALL OF HIS BONES REMOVED. 937 00:31:27,753 --> 00:31:29,965 SURGERY TO HAVE ALL OF HIS BONES REMOVED. STILL TO COME... COCAINE DEALERS 938 00:31:29,989 --> 00:31:31,666 REMOVED. STILL TO COME... COCAINE DEALERS CONVENE IN BUFFALO, AFTER THIS 939 00:31:31,690 --> 00:31:33,902 STILL TO COME... COCAINE DEALERS CONVENE IN BUFFALO, AFTER THIS MESSAGE. 940 00:31:33,926 --> 00:31:41,709 CONVENE IN BUFFALO, AFTER THIS MESSAGE. [APPLAUSE] 941 00:31:41,733 --> 00:31:42,844 MESSAGE. [APPLAUSE] [WESTERN MUSIC PLAYS] 942 00:31:42,868 --> 00:31:45,080 [APPLAUSE] [WESTERN MUSIC PLAYS] OKAY, JOHNNY, WHAT DO YOU 943 00:31:45,104 --> 00:31:45,680 [WESTERN MUSIC PLAYS] OKAY, JOHNNY, WHAT DO YOU SAY? 944 00:31:45,704 --> 00:31:49,885 OKAY, JOHNNY, WHAT DO YOU SAY? CHEE-EE-SE! 945 00:31:49,909 --> 00:31:50,919 SAY? CHEE-EE-SE! GOT IT. 946 00:31:50,943 --> 00:31:52,820 CHEE-EE-SE! GOT IT. ANOTHER PERFECT SLICE OF 947 00:31:52,844 --> 00:31:55,490 GOT IT. ANOTHER PERFECT SLICE OF PROCESSED CHEESE. 948 00:31:55,514 --> 00:31:58,226 ANOTHER PERFECT SLICE OF PROCESSED CHEESE. AND LOOK AT THAT COLOR. 949 00:31:58,250 --> 00:32:00,495 PROCESSED CHEESE. AND LOOK AT THAT COLOR. IT TURNS FROM MILD TO SHARP IN 950 00:32:00,519 --> 00:32:02,729 AND LOOK AT THAT COLOR. IT TURNS FROM MILD TO SHARP IN 60 SECONDS. 951 00:32:02,753 --> 00:32:06,089 THE NEW FX-70 CHEESE SLICER AND 952 00:32:06,224 --> 00:32:08,325 PROCESSED CHEESE CARTRIDGES. 953 00:32:08,459 --> 00:32:09,459 [CAMERA WHIRRING] 954 00:32:09,593 --> 00:32:13,430 ONLY $69.95 FOR ALL YOUR CHEESE 955 00:32:13,564 --> 00:32:15,098 NEEDS. 956 00:32:15,366 --> 00:32:22,472 HEY, WHAT DO YOU SAY? CHEE-EE-SE! [APPLAUSE] 957 00:32:30,114 --> 00:32:35,430 TRAGEDY AT THE NORTH POLE THIS WEEK WHEN RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER BROKE A LEG 958 00:32:35,454 --> 00:32:37,032 THIS WEEK WHEN RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER BROKE A LEG AND HAD TO BE SHOT. 959 00:32:37,056 --> 00:32:38,566 RED-NOSED REINDEER BROKE A LEG AND HAD TO BE SHOT. WHEN ASKED WHO WILL GUIDE HIS 960 00:32:38,590 --> 00:32:39,901 AND HAD TO BE SHOT. WHEN ASKED WHO WILL GUIDE HIS SLEIGH, A GRIEF-STRICKEN 961 00:32:39,925 --> 00:32:41,036 WHEN ASKED WHO WILL GUIDE HIS SLEIGH, A GRIEF-STRICKEN SANTA CLAUS REPLIED, 962 00:32:41,060 --> 00:32:42,203 SLEIGH, A GRIEF-STRICKEN SANTA CLAUS REPLIED, "JIM NABORS." 963 00:32:42,227 --> 00:32:43,471 SANTA CLAUS REPLIED, "JIM NABORS." MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT 964 00:32:43,495 --> 00:32:44,672 "JIM NABORS." MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT DEVELOPS. 965 00:32:44,696 --> 00:32:47,608 MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT DEVELOPS. [LIGHT LAUGHTER] 966 00:32:47,632 --> 00:32:49,411 DEVELOPS. [LIGHT LAUGHTER] WELL, TIME CERTAINLY FLIES, 967 00:32:49,435 --> 00:32:55,750 [LIGHT LAUGHTER] WELL, TIME CERTAINLY FLIES, DOESN'T IT? 968 00:32:55,774 --> 00:32:57,085 WELL, TIME CERTAINLY FLIES, DOESN'T IT? HAVING TROUBLE SELECTING A 969 00:32:57,109 --> 00:32:58,320 DOESN'T IT? HAVING TROUBLE SELECTING A CHRISTMAS GIFT FOR YOUR 970 00:32:58,344 --> 00:32:59,421 HAVING TROUBLE SELECTING A CHRISTMAS GIFT FOR YOUR STALLION? 971 00:32:59,445 --> 00:33:02,290 CHRISTMAS GIFT FOR YOUR STALLION? WELL, MAYBE THIS WILL HELP. 972 00:33:02,314 --> 00:33:04,359 STALLION? WELL, MAYBE THIS WILL HELP. IT'S THE LATEST STYLE IN ANIMAL 973 00:33:04,383 --> 00:33:06,494 WELL, MAYBE THIS WILL HELP. IT'S THE LATEST STYLE IN ANIMAL FOOTWEAR... EARTH HORSESHOES. 974 00:33:06,518 --> 00:33:08,063 IT'S THE LATEST STYLE IN ANIMAL FOOTWEAR... EARTH HORSESHOES. MANUFACTURERS SAY THAT THEY ARE 975 00:33:08,087 --> 00:33:09,564 FOOTWEAR... EARTH HORSESHOES. MANUFACTURERS SAY THAT THEY ARE LIKE ORDINARY SHOES EXCEPT THE 976 00:33:09,588 --> 00:33:11,566 MANUFACTURERS SAY THAT THEY ARE LIKE ORDINARY SHOES EXCEPT THE HEELS ARE LOWER THAN THE TOES. 977 00:33:11,590 --> 00:33:13,335 LIKE ORDINARY SHOES EXCEPT THE HEELS ARE LOWER THAN THE TOES. HONEST PLEASURE, PICTURED HERE, 978 00:33:13,359 --> 00:33:14,936 HEELS ARE LOWER THAN THE TOES. HONEST PLEASURE, PICTURED HERE, SAYS HE WEARS THEM AND THAT, 979 00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:16,704 HONEST PLEASURE, PICTURED HERE, SAYS HE WEARS THEM AND THAT, QUOTE, "IT'S REAL MELLOW. 980 00:33:16,728 --> 00:33:17,772 SAYS HE WEARS THEM AND THAT, QUOTE, "IT'S REAL MELLOW. IT'S LIKE I'M STANDING IN A 981 00:33:17,796 --> 00:33:19,007 QUOTE, "IT'S REAL MELLOW. IT'S LIKE I'M STANDING IN A LOTUS POSITION." 982 00:33:19,031 --> 00:33:19,774 IT'S LIKE I'M STANDING IN A LOTUS POSITION." [SNORTS] 983 00:33:19,798 --> 00:33:20,875 LOTUS POSITION." [SNORTS] END QUOTE. 984 00:33:20,899 --> 00:33:26,314 [SNORTS] END QUOTE. [APPLAUSE] 985 00:33:26,338 --> 00:33:27,182 END QUOTE. [APPLAUSE] FROM TIME TO TIME, 986 00:33:27,206 --> 00:33:28,316 [APPLAUSE] FROM TIME TO TIME, "WEEKEND UPDATE" PRESENTS 987 00:33:28,340 --> 00:33:30,051 FROM TIME TO TIME, "WEEKEND UPDATE" PRESENTS OPPOSING VIEWPOINTS TO IMPORTANT 988 00:33:30,075 --> 00:33:30,618 "WEEKEND UPDATE" PRESENTS OPPOSING VIEWPOINTS TO IMPORTANT ISSUES. 989 00:33:30,642 --> 00:33:32,120 OPPOSING VIEWPOINTS TO IMPORTANT ISSUES. NOW, HERE WITH AN EDITORIAL 990 00:33:32,144 --> 00:33:37,525 ISSUES. NOW, HERE WITH AN EDITORIAL REPLY IS MISS EMILY LITELLA. 991 00:33:37,549 --> 00:33:40,261 NOW, HERE WITH AN EDITORIAL REPLY IS MISS EMILY LITELLA. UM, WHAT'S ALL THIS FUSS I 992 00:33:40,285 --> 00:33:42,497 REPLY IS MISS EMILY LITELLA. UM, WHAT'S ALL THIS FUSS I KEEP HEARING ABOUT, THIS 993 00:33:42,521 --> 00:33:44,932 UM, WHAT'S ALL THIS FUSS I KEEP HEARING ABOUT, THIS CHRISTMAS, THE UNITED NATIONS IS 994 00:33:44,956 --> 00:33:48,425 KEEP HEARING ABOUT, THIS CHRISTMAS, THE UNITED NATIONS IS COLLECTING MONEY FOR UNISEX? 995 00:33:48,692 --> 00:33:50,560 NOW, DON'T THOSE KIND OF PEOPLE 996 00:33:50,694 --> 00:33:52,295 HAVE ENOUGH BEAUTY PARLORS AND 997 00:33:52,430 --> 00:33:54,398 CLOTHING STORES AS IT IS? 998 00:33:54,532 --> 00:33:55,932 I MEAN, DO THEY NEED MORE? 999 00:33:56,067 --> 00:33:57,347 WHY, THEY'RE ALL OVER THE PLACE, 1000 00:33:57,402 --> 00:33:58,935 THESE UNISEX PLACES. 1001 00:33:59,070 --> 00:34:00,970 THE UNITED NATIONS SHOULD BE 1002 00:34:01,105 --> 00:34:03,240 GIVING MONEY TO LITTLE CHILDREN 1003 00:34:03,374 --> 00:34:05,675 OVERSEAS... CHILDREN WHO CAN USE 1004 00:34:05,809 --> 00:34:07,610 IT... NOT TO THESE WEIRDOS! 1005 00:34:07,878 --> 00:34:10,958 WHY, IT'S OUTRAGEOUS! MISS LITELLA? WHAT? WHAT? 1006 00:34:10,982 --> 00:34:13,728 MISS LITELLA? WHAT? WHAT? UH, THAT'S UNICEF, NOT 1007 00:34:13,752 --> 00:34:14,996 WHAT? WHAT? UH, THAT'S UNICEF, NOT UNISEX. 1008 00:34:15,020 --> 00:34:17,465 UH, THAT'S UNICEF, NOT UNISEX. THE EDITORIAL WAS ABOUT UNICEF, 1009 00:34:17,489 --> 00:34:18,733 UNISEX. THE EDITORIAL WAS ABOUT UNICEF, THE UNITED NATIONS INTERNATIONAL 1010 00:34:18,757 --> 00:34:21,036 THE EDITORIAL WAS ABOUT UNICEF, THE UNITED NATIONS INTERNATIONAL CHILDREN'S EMERGENCY FUND, NOT 1011 00:34:21,060 --> 00:34:22,070 THE UNITED NATIONS INTERNATIONAL CHILDREN'S EMERGENCY FUND, NOT UNISEX. 1012 00:34:22,094 --> 00:34:23,471 CHILDREN'S EMERGENCY FUND, NOT UNISEX. UNICEF. 1013 00:34:23,495 --> 00:34:24,939 UNISEX. UNICEF. OH, WELL, THAT'S VERY 1014 00:34:24,963 --> 00:34:26,807 UNICEF. OH, WELL, THAT'S VERY DIFFERENT. 1015 00:34:26,831 --> 00:34:28,309 OH, WELL, THAT'S VERY DIFFERENT. NEVER MIND. 1016 00:34:28,333 --> 00:34:30,567 DIFFERENT. NEVER MIND. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] 1017 00:34:38,209 --> 00:34:43,925 UH, JUST, UM, ONE MORE THING, MISS CLAYTON. UM, I WAS WONDERING WHY, EVER 1018 00:34:43,949 --> 00:34:45,893 MISS CLAYTON. UM, I WAS WONDERING WHY, EVER SINCE YOU'VE BEEN DOING 1019 00:34:45,917 --> 00:34:47,195 UM, I WAS WONDERING WHY, EVER SINCE YOU'VE BEEN DOING "UPDATE," I HAVEN'T BEEN ON THE 1020 00:34:47,219 --> 00:34:47,895 SINCE YOU'VE BEEN DOING "UPDATE," I HAVEN'T BEEN ON THE SHOW TOO MUCH. 1021 00:34:47,919 --> 00:34:49,130 "UPDATE," I HAVEN'T BEEN ON THE SHOW TOO MUCH. I MEAN, I USED TO BE ON QUITE 1022 00:34:49,154 --> 00:34:50,265 SHOW TOO MUCH. I MEAN, I USED TO BE ON QUITE OFTEN. 1023 00:34:50,289 --> 00:34:51,999 I MEAN, I USED TO BE ON QUITE OFTEN. YES, WELL, MISS LITELLA, YOU 1024 00:34:52,023 --> 00:34:53,701 OFTEN. YES, WELL, MISS LITELLA, YOU CAN BE ON AS OFTEN AS YOU LIKE, 1025 00:34:53,725 --> 00:34:54,936 YES, WELL, MISS LITELLA, YOU CAN BE ON AS OFTEN AS YOU LIKE, AS LONG AS YOU COME UP WITH 1026 00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:58,273 CAN BE ON AS OFTEN AS YOU LIKE, AS LONG AS YOU COME UP WITH SOMETHING FUNNIER THAN UNISEX. 1027 00:34:58,297 --> 00:34:59,707 AS LONG AS YOU COME UP WITH SOMETHING FUNNIER THAN UNISEX. WELL, I'LL DO MY BEST... 1028 00:34:59,731 --> 00:35:00,308 SOMETHING FUNNIER THAN UNISEX. WELL, I'LL DO MY BEST... GOOD. 1029 00:35:00,332 --> 00:35:01,709 WELL, I'LL DO MY BEST... GOOD. BITCH. 1030 00:35:01,733 --> 00:35:07,048 GOOD. BITCH. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] 1031 00:35:07,072 --> 00:35:08,216 BITCH. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] THAT'S ALL THE NEWS FOR 1032 00:35:08,240 --> 00:35:08,683 [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] THAT'S ALL THE NEWS FOR TONIGHT. 1033 00:35:08,707 --> 00:35:09,984 THAT'S ALL THE NEWS FOR TONIGHT. THANK YOU AND HAVE A VERY 1034 00:35:10,008 --> 00:35:12,153 TONIGHT. THANK YOU AND HAVE A VERY PLEASANT HOLIDAY. 1035 00:35:12,177 --> 00:35:16,757 THANK YOU AND HAVE A VERY PLEASANT HOLIDAY. [APPLAUSE CONTINUES] 1036 00:35:16,781 --> 00:35:17,692 PLEASANT HOLIDAY. [APPLAUSE CONTINUES] Announcer: ONCE AGAIN, 1037 00:35:17,716 --> 00:35:18,826 [APPLAUSE CONTINUES] Announcer: ONCE AGAIN, FRANK ZAPPA! 1038 00:35:18,850 --> 00:35:25,633 Announcer: ONCE AGAIN, FRANK ZAPPA! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1039 00:35:25,657 --> 00:35:28,097 FRANK ZAPPA! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [BAND PLAYS "PURPLE LAGOON"] 1040 00:36:26,250 --> 00:36:27,984 ["PURPLE LAGOON" CONTINUES] 1041 00:37:00,351 --> 00:37:06,523 [LAUGHTER] [SINGING SCAT] 1042 00:37:19,237 --> 00:37:23,084 ♪ DOO LAU ♪ ♪ DOO LAU ♪ [SINGING SCAT] 1043 00:37:23,108 --> 00:37:23,818 ♪ DOO LAU ♪ [SINGING SCAT] ♪ DIDDY LA BAW ♪ 1044 00:37:23,842 --> 00:37:24,985 [SINGING SCAT] ♪ DIDDY LA BAW ♪ ♪ DIDDY LA BAW ♪ 1045 00:37:25,009 --> 00:37:31,025 ♪ DIDDY LA BAW ♪ ♪ DIDDY LA BAW ♪ [SINGING SCAT] 1046 00:37:31,049 --> 00:37:33,561 ♪ DIDDY LA BAW ♪ [SINGING SCAT] [SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE] 1047 00:37:33,585 --> 00:37:34,596 [SINGING SCAT] [SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE] ♪ DOODLE LA ♪ 1048 00:37:34,620 --> 00:37:35,863 [SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE] ♪ DOODLE LA ♪ ♪ DOODLE LA ♪ 1049 00:37:35,887 --> 00:37:42,704 ♪ DOODLE LA ♪ ♪ DOODLE LA ♪ [SINGING SCAT] 1050 00:37:42,728 --> 00:37:44,939 ♪ DOODLE LA ♪ [SINGING SCAT] [KAZOO PLAYS] 1051 00:37:44,963 --> 00:37:46,507 [SINGING SCAT] [KAZOO PLAYS] [KAZOOS PLAY] 1052 00:37:46,531 --> 00:37:50,077 [KAZOO PLAYS] [KAZOOS PLAY] [KAZOO PLAYS] 1053 00:37:50,101 --> 00:37:52,614 [KAZOOS PLAY] [KAZOO PLAYS] ♪ LA-LA LA-LA LA-LA LA-LA ♪ 1054 00:37:52,638 --> 00:37:54,549 [KAZOO PLAYS] ♪ LA-LA LA-LA LA-LA LA-LA ♪ ♪ LA-LA LA-LA LA-LA LA-LA ♪ 1055 00:37:54,573 --> 00:38:02,423 ♪ LA-LA LA-LA LA-LA LA-LA ♪ ♪ LA-LA LA-LA LA-LA LA-LA ♪ [SINGING SCAT] 1056 00:38:02,447 --> 00:38:04,825 ♪ LA-LA LA-LA LA-LA LA-LA ♪ [SINGING SCAT] ♪ AH-AH AH-AH AH-AH AH ♪ 1057 00:38:04,849 --> 00:38:06,427 [SINGING SCAT] ♪ AH-AH AH-AH AH-AH AH ♪ ♪ AH-AH AH-AH AH-AH AH ♪ 1058 00:38:06,451 --> 00:38:08,496 ♪ AH-AH AH-AH AH-AH AH ♪ ♪ AH-AH AH-AH AH-AH AH ♪ ♪ OH, AH, OH, AH ♪ 1059 00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:09,564 ♪ AH-AH AH-AH AH-AH AH ♪ ♪ OH, AH, OH, AH ♪ ♪ OH, AH ♪ 1060 00:38:09,588 --> 00:38:10,331 ♪ OH, AH, OH, AH ♪ ♪ OH, AH ♪ ♪ OH, AH ♪ 1061 00:38:10,355 --> 00:38:11,899 ♪ OH, AH ♪ ♪ OH, AH ♪ [SAXOPHONE PLAYS] 1062 00:38:11,923 --> 00:38:14,068 ♪ OH, AH ♪ [SAXOPHONE PLAYS] [SAXOPHONES PLAY] 1063 00:38:14,092 --> 00:38:15,970 [SAXOPHONE PLAYS] [SAXOPHONES PLAY] [SAXOPHONE PLAYS] 1064 00:38:15,994 --> 00:38:22,677 [SAXOPHONES PLAY] [SAXOPHONE PLAYS] [BAND PLAYS "PURPLE LAGOON "] 1065 00:38:22,701 --> 00:38:25,701 [SAXOPHONE PLAYS] [BAND PLAYS "PURPLE LAGOON "] [SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE] 1066 00:39:13,551 --> 00:39:21,551 ["PURPLE LAGOON" CONTINUES] [MUSIC STOPS] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1067 00:39:33,270 --> 00:39:41,270 ♪ O TANNENBAUM, O TANNENBAUM ♪ ♪ WIE TREU SIND DEINE BLAETTER ♪ 1068 00:39:47,519 --> 00:39:55,336 O TANNENBAUM ♪ ♪ WIE TREU SIND DEINE BLAETTER ♪ ♪ O TANNENBAUM, O TANNENBAUM ♪ 1069 00:39:55,360 --> 00:40:01,909 ♪ WIE TREU SIND DEINE BLAETTER ♪ ♪ O TANNENBAUM, O TANNENBAUM ♪ ♪ WIE TREU SIND DEINE BLAETTER ♪ 1070 00:40:01,933 --> 00:40:05,079 ♪ O TANNENBAUM, O TANNENBAUM ♪ ♪ WIE TREU SIND DEINE BLAETTER ♪ ♪ DU GRUENST NICHT NUR 1071 00:40:05,103 --> 00:40:08,282 ♪ WIE TREU SIND DEINE BLAETTER ♪ ♪ DU GRUENST NICHT NUR ZUR SOMMERZEIT ♪ 1072 00:40:08,306 --> 00:40:12,620 ♪ DU GRUENST NICHT NUR ZUR SOMMERZEIT ♪ ♪ NEIN AUCH IM WINTER 1073 00:40:12,644 --> 00:40:15,757 ZUR SOMMERZEIT ♪ ♪ NEIN AUCH IM WINTER WENN ES SCHNEIT ♪ 1074 00:40:15,781 --> 00:40:22,630 ♪ NEIN AUCH IM WINTER WENN ES SCHNEIT ♪ ♪ O TANNENBAUM, O TANNENBA... ♪ 1075 00:40:22,654 --> 00:40:24,732 WENN ES SCHNEIT ♪ ♪ O TANNENBAUM, O TANNENBA... ♪ AAH! 1076 00:40:24,756 --> 00:40:26,501 ♪ O TANNENBAUM, O TANNENBA... ♪ AAH! [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] 1077 00:40:26,525 --> 00:40:28,168 AAH! [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] Announcer: "THE KILLER 1078 00:40:28,192 --> 00:40:31,672 [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] Announcer: "THE KILLER TREES." 1079 00:40:31,696 --> 00:40:32,707 Announcer: "THE KILLER TREES." YEAH. 1080 00:40:32,731 --> 00:40:34,375 TREES." YEAH. YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I SAID. 1081 00:40:34,399 --> 00:40:35,342 YEAH. YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I SAID. YOU HEARD ME! 1082 00:40:35,366 --> 00:40:37,344 YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I SAID. YOU HEARD ME! THEY'RE KILLER CHRISTMAS TREES! 1083 00:40:37,368 --> 00:40:38,979 YOU HEARD ME! THEY'RE KILLER CHRISTMAS TREES! THEY'RE DESPERATE TREES, CHIEF. 1084 00:40:39,003 --> 00:40:40,415 THEY'RE KILLER CHRISTMAS TREES! THEY'RE DESPERATE TREES, CHIEF. THEY WON'T JUST SETTLE FOR 1085 00:40:40,439 --> 00:40:41,682 THEY'RE DESPERATE TREES, CHIEF. THEY WON'T JUST SETTLE FOR TINSEL AND CANDY CANES. 1086 00:40:41,706 --> 00:40:42,650 THEY WON'T JUST SETTLE FOR TINSEL AND CANDY CANES. THEY WANT BLOOD. 1087 00:40:42,674 --> 00:40:43,785 TINSEL AND CANDY CANES. THEY WANT BLOOD. I DON'T KNOW, CHIEF. 1088 00:40:43,809 --> 00:40:45,920 THEY WANT BLOOD. I DON'T KNOW, CHIEF. THEY'RE SOME KIND OF MUTANT! 1089 00:40:45,944 --> 00:40:47,588 I DON'T KNOW, CHIEF. THEY'RE SOME KIND OF MUTANT! WELL, THEY HEAR THE TRADITIONAL 1090 00:40:47,612 --> 00:40:49,189 THEY'RE SOME KIND OF MUTANT! WELL, THEY HEAR THE TRADITIONAL CHRISTMAS HYMN "O TANNENBAUM," 1091 00:40:49,213 --> 00:40:51,459 WELL, THEY HEAR THE TRADITIONAL CHRISTMAS HYMN "O TANNENBAUM," AND THEN THEY KILL. 1092 00:40:51,483 --> 00:40:52,493 CHRISTMAS HYMN "O TANNENBAUM," AND THEN THEY KILL. LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOT A 1093 00:40:52,517 --> 00:40:53,861 AND THEN THEY KILL. LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOT A FULL-SCALE ECOLOGICAL DISASTER 1094 00:40:53,885 --> 00:40:54,562 LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOT A FULL-SCALE ECOLOGICAL DISASTER ON OUR HANDS. 1095 00:40:54,586 --> 00:40:55,930 FULL-SCALE ECOLOGICAL DISASTER ON OUR HANDS. I'LL GET BACK TO YOU AS SOON AS 1096 00:40:55,954 --> 00:40:56,363 ON OUR HANDS. I'LL GET BACK TO YOU AS SOON AS I CAN. 1097 00:40:56,387 --> 00:40:59,166 I'LL GET BACK TO YOU AS SOON AS I CAN. YEAH. ALL RIGHT. 1098 00:40:59,190 --> 00:41:00,568 I CAN. YEAH. ALL RIGHT. THESE TREES GOT AN M.O.? 1099 00:41:00,592 --> 00:41:02,102 YEAH. ALL RIGHT. THESE TREES GOT AN M.O.? WELL, THEY FORCE THEMSELVES 1100 00:41:02,126 --> 00:41:03,638 THESE TREES GOT AN M.O.? WELL, THEY FORCE THEMSELVES ONTO CHRISTMAS-TREE LOTS WHERE 1101 00:41:03,662 --> 00:41:04,972 WELL, THEY FORCE THEMSELVES ONTO CHRISTMAS-TREE LOTS WHERE THEY LURE THEIR VICTIMS... 1102 00:41:04,996 --> 00:41:06,373 ONTO CHRISTMAS-TREE LOTS WHERE THEY LURE THEIR VICTIMS... UNSUSPECTING CHRISTMAS-TREE 1103 00:41:06,397 --> 00:41:06,908 THEY LURE THEIR VICTIMS... UNSUSPECTING CHRISTMAS-TREE BUYERS. 1104 00:41:06,932 --> 00:41:08,175 UNSUSPECTING CHRISTMAS-TREE BUYERS. HOW DO THEY DO IT? 1105 00:41:08,199 --> 00:41:09,777 BUYERS. HOW DO THEY DO IT? WELL, BY LOOKING FULL AND 1106 00:41:09,801 --> 00:41:11,312 HOW DO THEY DO IT? WELL, BY LOOKING FULL AND BUSHY AND STANDING CLOSE TO 1107 00:41:11,336 --> 00:41:12,914 WELL, BY LOOKING FULL AND BUSHY AND STANDING CLOSE TO WHERE THEIR CARS ARE PARKED. 1108 00:41:12,938 --> 00:41:14,916 BUSHY AND STANDING CLOSE TO WHERE THEIR CARS ARE PARKED. AND THEY'RE VERY SMART. 1109 00:41:14,940 --> 00:41:16,551 WHERE THEIR CARS ARE PARKED. AND THEY'RE VERY SMART. THEY KEEP THEIR PRICES LOW BY 1110 00:41:16,575 --> 00:41:18,218 AND THEY'RE VERY SMART. THEY KEEP THEIR PRICES LOW BY CONSTANTLY MARKING THEMSELVES 1111 00:41:18,242 --> 00:41:18,686 THEY KEEP THEIR PRICES LOW BY CONSTANTLY MARKING THEMSELVES DOWN. 1112 00:41:18,710 --> 00:41:20,220 CONSTANTLY MARKING THEMSELVES DOWN. SOUNDS LIKE A TOUGH CASE TO 1113 00:41:20,244 --> 00:41:20,688 DOWN. SOUNDS LIKE A TOUGH CASE TO CRACK. 1114 00:41:20,712 --> 00:41:21,956 SOUNDS LIKE A TOUGH CASE TO CRACK. WE GOT TO CRACK IT... 1115 00:41:21,980 --> 00:41:23,157 CRACK. WE GOT TO CRACK IT... OR A LOT OF LITTLE KIDS WHO 1116 00:41:23,181 --> 00:41:24,459 WE GOT TO CRACK IT... OR A LOT OF LITTLE KIDS WHO THOUGHT THEY WERE GONNA GET A 1117 00:41:24,483 --> 00:41:25,626 OR A LOT OF LITTLE KIDS WHO THOUGHT THEY WERE GONNA GET A BICYCLE WILL END UP WITH A 1118 00:41:25,650 --> 00:41:27,061 THOUGHT THEY WERE GONNA GET A BICYCLE WILL END UP WITH A PIERCED THORAX. 1119 00:41:27,085 --> 00:41:29,129 BICYCLE WILL END UP WITH A PIERCED THORAX. OKAY. LET'S ROLL. 1120 00:41:29,153 --> 00:41:30,230 PIERCED THORAX. OKAY. LET'S ROLL. YEAH. 1121 00:41:30,254 --> 00:41:31,833 OKAY. LET'S ROLL. YEAH. [UPBEAT VERSION OF 1122 00:41:31,857 --> 00:41:36,604 YEAH. [UPBEAT VERSION OF "O TANNENBAUM" PLAYS] 1123 00:41:36,628 --> 00:41:38,105 [UPBEAT VERSION OF "O TANNENBAUM" PLAYS] WELL, GOOD NIGHT, 1124 00:41:38,129 --> 00:41:39,306 ["O TANNENBAUM" PLAYS] WELL, GOOD NIGHT, MRS. RODRIGUEZ. 1125 00:41:39,330 --> 00:41:43,344 WELL, GOOD NIGHT, MRS. RODRIGUEZ. UM, Y FELIZ NAVIDAD. 1126 00:41:43,368 --> 00:41:44,411 MRS. RODRIGUEZ. UM, Y FELIZ NAVIDAD. GOOD NIGHT! 1127 00:41:44,435 --> 00:41:45,947 UM, Y FELIZ NAVIDAD. GOOD NIGHT! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU, 1128 00:41:45,971 --> 00:41:51,686 GOOD NIGHT! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU, MISS VAVESEUR! 1129 00:41:51,710 --> 00:41:55,422 MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU, MISS VAVESEUR! ♪ LA CUCARACHA, LA CUCARACHA ♪ 1130 00:41:55,446 --> 00:41:58,893 MISS VAVESEUR! ♪ LA CUCARACHA, LA CUCARACHA ♪ ♪ LA LA LA LA LA LA ♪ 1131 00:41:58,917 --> 00:42:00,995 ♪ LA CUCARACHA, LA CUCARACHA ♪ ♪ LA LA LA LA LA LA ♪ HELLO? HELLO, MAMA? 1132 00:42:01,019 --> 00:42:02,697 ♪ LA LA LA LA LA LA ♪ HELLO? HELLO, MAMA? MAMA, YEAH, I JUST CALLED TO 1133 00:42:02,721 --> 00:42:03,397 HELLO? HELLO, MAMA? MAMA, YEAH, I JUST CALLED TO TELL YOU. 1134 00:42:03,421 --> 00:42:05,132 MAMA, YEAH, I JUST CALLED TO TELL YOU. RIGHT, I DECIDED WHAT TO GIVE 1135 00:42:05,156 --> 00:42:06,868 TELL YOU. RIGHT, I DECIDED WHAT TO GIVE LITTLE JOSé FOR CHRISTMAS FOR 1136 00:42:06,892 --> 00:42:08,435 RIGHT, I DECIDED WHAT TO GIVE LITTLE JOSé FOR CHRISTMAS FOR HIM TO PLAY WITH. 1137 00:42:08,459 --> 00:42:10,270 LITTLE JOSé FOR CHRISTMAS FOR HIM TO PLAY WITH. YEAH, A BOX OF KLEENEX. 1138 00:42:10,294 --> 00:42:12,640 HIM TO PLAY WITH. YEAH, A BOX OF KLEENEX. YEAH, HE CAN PUT IT IN HIS NOSE 1139 00:42:12,664 --> 00:42:13,641 YEAH, A BOX OF KLEENEX. YEAH, HE CAN PUT IT IN HIS NOSE AND STUFF. 1140 00:42:13,665 --> 00:42:15,175 YEAH, HE CAN PUT IT IN HIS NOSE AND STUFF. RIGHT, OKAY, OKAY, I'LL SAY IT'S 1141 00:42:15,199 --> 00:42:16,611 AND STUFF. RIGHT, OKAY, OKAY, I'LL SAY IT'S FROM YOU, TOO... FROM BOTH OF 1142 00:42:16,635 --> 00:42:16,944 RIGHT, OKAY, OKAY, I'LL SAY IT'S FROM YOU, TOO... FROM BOTH OF US. 1143 00:42:16,968 --> 00:42:18,713 FROM YOU, TOO... FROM BOTH OF US. OKAY, MAMA, ENJOY THE TURKEY 1144 00:42:18,737 --> 00:42:19,413 US. OKAY, MAMA, ENJOY THE TURKEY CARCASS. 1145 00:42:19,437 --> 00:42:23,518 OKAY, MAMA, ENJOY THE TURKEY CARCASS. GOODBYE! 1146 00:42:23,542 --> 00:42:24,719 CARCASS. GOODBYE! [High-pitched] ♪ O 1147 00:42:24,743 --> 00:42:30,725 GOODBYE! [High-pitched] ♪ O TANNENBAUM, O TANNENBAUM ♪ 1148 00:42:30,749 --> 00:42:33,828 [High-pitched] ♪ O TANNENBAUM, O TANNENBAUM ♪ ♪ OH, I'M SO POOR ♪ 1149 00:42:33,852 --> 00:42:36,597 TANNENBAUM, O TANNENBAUM ♪ ♪ OH, I'M SO POOR ♪ ♪ OH, I'M SO POOR ♪ 1150 00:42:36,621 --> 00:42:41,201 ♪ OH, I'M SO POOR ♪ ♪ OH, I'M SO POOR ♪ ♪ LA LA LA, OH, I'M SO POOR ♪ 1151 00:42:41,225 --> 00:42:43,638 ♪ OH, I'M SO POOR ♪ ♪ LA LA LA, OH, I'M SO POOR ♪ ♪ OH, I'M SO POOR ♪ 1152 00:42:43,662 --> 00:42:46,206 ♪ LA LA LA, OH, I'M SO POOR ♪ ♪ OH, I'M SO POOR ♪ ♪ LA CUCARACHA, LA LA LA LA ♪ 1153 00:42:46,230 --> 00:42:48,843 ♪ OH, I'M SO POOR ♪ ♪ LA CUCARACHA, LA LA LA LA ♪ ♪ OH, I'M SO POOR ♪ 1154 00:42:48,867 --> 00:42:51,378 ♪ LA CUCARACHA, LA LA LA LA ♪ ♪ OH, I'M SO POOR ♪ ♪ OH, I'M SO POOR ♪ 1155 00:42:51,402 --> 00:42:54,148 ♪ OH, I'M SO POOR ♪ ♪ OH, I'M SO POOR ♪ ♪ LA DA DA ♪ 1156 00:42:54,172 --> 00:42:55,215 ♪ OH, I'M SO POOR ♪ ♪ LA DA DA ♪ ♪ DA DA ♪ 1157 00:42:55,239 --> 00:42:57,284 ♪ LA DA DA ♪ ♪ DA DA ♪ AAH! 1158 00:42:57,308 --> 00:43:00,054 ♪ DA DA ♪ AAH! [SCREAMING] 1159 00:43:00,078 --> 00:43:02,089 AAH! [SCREAMING] SANTA CLAUS! 1160 00:43:02,113 --> 00:43:04,959 [SCREAMING] SANTA CLAUS! [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] 1161 00:43:04,983 --> 00:43:07,528 SANTA CLAUS! [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] [Sobbing] OH! OH, GOD! 1162 00:43:07,552 --> 00:43:08,996 [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] [Sobbing] OH! OH, GOD! OKAY, JUST CALM DOWN FOR A 1163 00:43:09,020 --> 00:43:09,530 [Sobbing] OH! OH, GOD! OKAY, JUST CALM DOWN FOR A MINUTE. 1164 00:43:09,554 --> 00:43:11,131 OKAY, JUST CALM DOWN FOR A MINUTE. WE JUST HAVE TO PIECE THIS THING 1165 00:43:11,155 --> 00:43:11,899 MINUTE. WE JUST HAVE TO PIECE THIS THING TOGETHER NOW. 1166 00:43:11,923 --> 00:43:13,367 WE JUST HAVE TO PIECE THIS THING TOGETHER NOW. YOU SAY YOU HEARD THE SCREAM. 1167 00:43:13,391 --> 00:43:14,902 TOGETHER NOW. YOU SAY YOU HEARD THE SCREAM. WHEN YOU HEARD THE SCREAM, YOU 1168 00:43:14,926 --> 00:43:16,303 YOU SAY YOU HEARD THE SCREAM. WHEN YOU HEARD THE SCREAM, YOU RAN BACK IN, AND YOU SAW THE 1169 00:43:16,327 --> 00:43:16,837 WHEN YOU HEARD THE SCREAM, YOU RAN BACK IN, AND YOU SAW THE KILLER. 1170 00:43:16,861 --> 00:43:18,039 RAN BACK IN, AND YOU SAW THE KILLER. THAT'S ALL WE WANT. 1171 00:43:18,063 --> 00:43:19,139 KILLER. THAT'S ALL WE WANT. WHAT DID YOU SEE? 1172 00:43:19,163 --> 00:43:20,641 THAT'S ALL WE WANT. WHAT DID YOU SEE? JUST A ROUGH DESCRIPTION. 1173 00:43:20,665 --> 00:43:22,476 WHAT DID YOU SEE? JUST A ROUGH DESCRIPTION. NOW, JUST CALM DOWN HERE, ALL 1174 00:43:22,500 --> 00:43:23,044 JUST A ROUGH DESCRIPTION. NOW, JUST CALM DOWN HERE, ALL RIGHT? 1175 00:43:23,068 --> 00:43:24,579 NOW, JUST CALM DOWN HERE, ALL RIGHT? CALM DOWN AND DESCRIBE THE 1176 00:43:24,603 --> 00:43:26,480 RIGHT? CALM DOWN AND DESCRIBE THE KILLER TO OUR POLICE ARTIST 1177 00:43:26,504 --> 00:43:28,015 CALM DOWN AND DESCRIBE THE KILLER TO OUR POLICE ARTIST HERE, SERGEANT NAGEY. 1178 00:43:28,039 --> 00:43:29,884 KILLER TO OUR POLICE ARTIST HERE, SERGEANT NAGEY. TRY TO DESCRIBE IT, NOW. 1179 00:43:29,908 --> 00:43:33,320 HERE, SERGEANT NAGEY. TRY TO DESCRIBE IT, NOW. WAS HE TALL? SHORT? 1180 00:43:33,344 --> 00:43:36,057 TRY TO DESCRIBE IT, NOW. WAS HE TALL? SHORT? HE WAS VERY TALL. 1181 00:43:36,081 --> 00:43:38,258 WAS HE TALL? SHORT? HE WAS VERY TALL. HE WAS SO TALL. 1182 00:43:38,282 --> 00:43:42,496 HE WAS VERY TALL. HE WAS SO TALL. AND REALLY BUSHY, VERY BUSHY... 1183 00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:44,131 HE WAS SO TALL. AND REALLY BUSHY, VERY BUSHY... WITH A LOT OF REALLY NEAT 1184 00:43:44,155 --> 00:43:44,932 AND REALLY BUSHY, VERY BUSHY... WITH A LOT OF REALLY NEAT ORNAMENTS. 1185 00:43:44,956 --> 00:43:46,934 WITH A LOT OF REALLY NEAT ORNAMENTS. OH, GOD! 1186 00:43:46,958 --> 00:43:48,535 ORNAMENTS. OH, GOD! SOMETHING LIKE THIS? 1187 00:43:48,559 --> 00:43:52,339 OH, GOD! SOMETHING LIKE THIS? OH, NO! 1188 00:43:52,363 --> 00:43:53,340 SOMETHING LIKE THIS? OH, NO! THAT'S IT! 1189 00:43:53,364 --> 00:43:54,875 OH, NO! THAT'S IT! THAT'S THE KILLER! 1190 00:43:54,899 --> 00:43:56,844 THAT'S IT! THAT'S THE KILLER! SEND IT OUT OVER THE WIRE 1191 00:43:56,868 --> 00:43:57,678 THAT'S THE KILLER! SEND IT OUT OVER THE WIRE SERVICES. 1192 00:43:57,702 --> 00:43:59,213 SEND IT OUT OVER THE WIRE SERVICES. HURRY UP, COME ON. 1193 00:43:59,237 --> 00:44:01,248 SERVICES. HURRY UP, COME ON. OKAY, NOW, UH, WE NEED ONE MORE 1194 00:44:01,272 --> 00:44:01,849 HURRY UP, COME ON. OKAY, NOW, UH, WE NEED ONE MORE THING. 1195 00:44:01,873 --> 00:44:03,718 OKAY, NOW, UH, WE NEED ONE MORE THING. WE NEED YOU TO IDENTIFY SOME 1196 00:44:03,742 --> 00:44:05,119 THING. WE NEED YOU TO IDENTIFY SOME SUSPECTS, ALL RIGHT? 1197 00:44:05,143 --> 00:44:06,954 WE NEED YOU TO IDENTIFY SOME SUSPECTS, ALL RIGHT? ALL RIGHT, WE'RE GONNA SHOW 1198 00:44:06,978 --> 00:44:08,623 SUSPECTS, ALL RIGHT? ALL RIGHT, WE'RE GONNA SHOW YOU A LINE-UP, ALL RIGHT? 1199 00:44:08,647 --> 00:44:10,491 ALL RIGHT, WE'RE GONNA SHOW YOU A LINE-UP, ALL RIGHT? YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE IT? 1200 00:44:10,515 --> 00:44:12,994 YOU A LINE-UP, ALL RIGHT? YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE IT? COME ON, LET'S GO. 1201 00:44:13,018 --> 00:44:14,061 YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE IT? COME ON, LET'S GO. [UPBEAT VERSION OF 1202 00:44:14,085 --> 00:44:18,766 COME ON, LET'S GO. [UPBEAT VERSION OF "O TANNENBAUM" PLAYS] 1203 00:44:18,790 --> 00:44:21,636 [UPBEAT VERSION OF "O TANNENBAUM" PLAYS] OKAY, MISS VAVESEUR, NOW, YOU'RE 1204 00:44:21,660 --> 00:44:24,338 ["O TANNENBAUM" PLAYS] OKAY, MISS VAVESEUR, NOW, YOU'RE LOOKING THROUGH ONE-WAY GLASS. 1205 00:44:24,362 --> 00:44:25,405 OKAY, MISS VAVESEUR, NOW, YOU'RE LOOKING THROUGH ONE-WAY GLASS. NOBODY CAN SEE YOU. 1206 00:44:25,429 --> 00:44:27,041 LOOKING THROUGH ONE-WAY GLASS. NOBODY CAN SEE YOU. LOOK AT THESE THREE SUSPECTS AND 1207 00:44:27,065 --> 00:44:28,575 NOBODY CAN SEE YOU. LOOK AT THESE THREE SUSPECTS AND TELL US WHICH ONE YOU THINK IS 1208 00:44:28,599 --> 00:44:30,210 LOOK AT THESE THREE SUSPECTS AND TELL US WHICH ONE YOU THINK IS THE KILLER. 1209 00:44:30,234 --> 00:44:31,912 TELL US WHICH ONE YOU THINK IS THE KILLER. UH, I DON'T KNOW. 1210 00:44:31,936 --> 00:44:33,948 THE KILLER. UH, I DON'T KNOW. THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME TO ME. 1211 00:44:33,972 --> 00:44:34,849 UH, I DON'T KNOW. THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME TO ME. UH-HUH. 1212 00:44:34,873 --> 00:44:36,183 THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME TO ME. UH-HUH. WAIT A MINUTE! 1213 00:44:36,207 --> 00:44:37,317 UH-HUH. WAIT A MINUTE! I GOT A HUNCH. 1214 00:44:37,341 --> 00:44:39,153 WAIT A MINUTE! I GOT A HUNCH. IT'S CRAZY, BUT IT JUST MIGHT 1215 00:44:39,177 --> 00:44:39,687 I GOT A HUNCH. IT'S CRAZY, BUT IT JUST MIGHT WORK. 1216 00:44:39,711 --> 00:44:42,056 IT'S CRAZY, BUT IT JUST MIGHT WORK. SIMON SAYS, "SHAKE YOUR 1217 00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:46,160 WORK. SIMON SAYS, "SHAKE YOUR BRANCHES!" 1218 00:44:46,184 --> 00:44:48,595 SIMON SAYS, "SHAKE YOUR BRANCHES!" SIMON SAYS, "JIGGLE YOUR 1219 00:44:48,619 --> 00:44:53,868 BRANCHES!" SIMON SAYS, "JIGGLE YOUR ORNAMENTS!" 1220 00:44:53,892 --> 00:44:57,004 SIMON SAYS, "JIGGLE YOUR ORNAMENTS!" KILL THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU! 1221 00:44:57,028 --> 00:44:58,939 ORNAMENTS!" KILL THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU! OKAY. 1222 00:44:58,963 --> 00:45:01,108 KILL THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU! OKAY. SIMON SAYS, "KILL THE PERSON 1223 00:45:01,132 --> 00:45:03,210 OKAY. SIMON SAYS, "KILL THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU." 1224 00:45:03,234 --> 00:45:08,315 SIMON SAYS, "KILL THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU." [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] 1225 00:45:08,339 --> 00:45:10,017 NEXT TO YOU." [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] WELL, I THINK WE'VE GOT OUR 1226 00:45:10,041 --> 00:45:10,551 [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] WELL, I THINK WE'VE GOT OUR TREE. 1227 00:45:10,575 --> 00:45:12,186 WELL, I THINK WE'VE GOT OUR TREE. THESE TREES ARE SMART, BUT 1228 00:45:12,210 --> 00:45:13,654 TREE. THESE TREES ARE SMART, BUT THEY'RE NOT THAT SMART. 1229 00:45:13,678 --> 00:45:14,955 THESE TREES ARE SMART, BUT THEY'RE NOT THAT SMART. OKAY, ONE MORE THING, 1230 00:45:14,979 --> 00:45:15,790 THEY'RE NOT THAT SMART. OKAY, ONE MORE THING, MISS VAVESEUR. 1231 00:45:15,814 --> 00:45:17,257 OKAY, ONE MORE THING, MISS VAVESEUR. WHERE DID YOU BUY THAT TREE? 1232 00:45:17,281 --> 00:45:18,358 MISS VAVESEUR. WHERE DID YOU BUY THAT TREE? THE TREE. 1233 00:45:18,382 --> 00:45:19,694 WHERE DID YOU BUY THAT TREE? THE TREE. I BOUGHT IT AT A LOT DOWN THE 1234 00:45:19,718 --> 00:45:20,127 THE TREE. I BOUGHT IT AT A LOT DOWN THE STREET. 1235 00:45:20,151 --> 00:45:21,261 I BOUGHT IT AT A LOT DOWN THE STREET. IT'S THE SAME PLACE WHERE I 1236 00:45:21,285 --> 00:45:22,229 STREET. IT'S THE SAME PLACE WHERE I BOUGHT THE TREE FOR MY 1237 00:45:22,253 --> 00:45:22,763 IT'S THE SAME PLACE WHERE I BOUGHT THE TREE FOR MY APARTMENT. 1238 00:45:22,787 --> 00:45:24,131 BOUGHT THE TREE FOR MY APARTMENT. THAT MEANS THAT ONE IN YOUR 1239 00:45:24,155 --> 00:45:25,399 APARTMENT. THAT MEANS THAT ONE IN YOUR APARTMENT MIGHT BE A KILLER, 1240 00:45:25,423 --> 00:45:25,766 THAT MEANS THAT ONE IN YOUR APARTMENT MIGHT BE A KILLER, TOO. 1241 00:45:25,790 --> 00:45:27,168 APARTMENT MIGHT BE A KILLER, TOO. YEAH, BUT WE CAN ONLY ARREST 1242 00:45:27,192 --> 00:45:28,435 TOO. YEAH, BUT WE CAN ONLY ARREST HIM IF WE CATCH HIM THE ACT. 1243 00:45:28,459 --> 00:45:29,970 YEAH, BUT WE CAN ONLY ARREST HIM IF WE CATCH HIM THE ACT. I'M AFRAID WE'RE GONNA HAVE 1244 00:45:29,994 --> 00:45:31,338 HIM IF WE CATCH HIM THE ACT. I'M AFRAID WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO ASK FOR ONE MORE THING. 1245 00:45:31,362 --> 00:45:32,873 I'M AFRAID WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO ASK FOR ONE MORE THING. WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU TO 1246 00:45:32,897 --> 00:45:34,975 TO ASK FOR ONE MORE THING. WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU TO ACT AS A DECOY, OKAY? 1247 00:45:34,999 --> 00:45:36,276 WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU TO ACT AS A DECOY, OKAY? NOW, UH, DON'T... 1248 00:45:36,300 --> 00:45:37,945 ACT AS A DECOY, OKAY? NOW, UH, DON'T... IF YOU JUST START SINGING 1249 00:45:37,969 --> 00:45:39,780 NOW, UH, DON'T... IF YOU JUST START SINGING "O TANNENBAUM," OKAY, IN THE 1250 00:45:39,804 --> 00:45:41,415 IF YOU JUST START SINGING "O TANNENBAUM," OKAY, IN THE APARTMENT WITH THE TREE. 1251 00:45:41,439 --> 00:45:42,616 "O TANNENBAUM," OKAY, IN THE APARTMENT WITH THE TREE. YOU'LL ACT AS A DECOY. 1252 00:45:42,640 --> 00:45:44,218 APARTMENT WITH THE TREE. YOU'LL ACT AS A DECOY. IF YOU NEED US, WE'LL BE RIGHT 1253 00:45:44,242 --> 00:45:44,785 YOU'LL ACT AS A DECOY. IF YOU NEED US, WE'LL BE RIGHT OUTSIDE. 1254 00:45:44,809 --> 00:45:46,120 IF YOU NEED US, WE'LL BE RIGHT OUTSIDE. WE'LL BE RIGHT THERE. 1255 00:45:46,144 --> 00:45:47,188 OUTSIDE. WE'LL BE RIGHT THERE. JUST YELL. OKAY? 1256 00:45:47,212 --> 00:45:48,089 WE'LL BE RIGHT THERE. JUST YELL. OKAY? OKAY? YOU WITH US? 1257 00:45:48,113 --> 00:45:48,789 JUST YELL. OKAY? OKAY? YOU WITH US? OKAY, LET'S GO. 1258 00:45:48,813 --> 00:45:49,890 OKAY? YOU WITH US? OKAY, LET'S GO. GET A TASK FORCE OVER THERE 1259 00:45:49,914 --> 00:45:50,457 OKAY, LET'S GO. GET A TASK FORCE OVER THERE RIGHT AWAY. 1260 00:45:50,481 --> 00:45:51,892 GET A TASK FORCE OVER THERE RIGHT AWAY. I'LL DO WHATEVER I CAN TO 1261 00:45:51,916 --> 00:45:53,260 RIGHT AWAY. I'LL DO WHATEVER I CAN TO SPARE THE LIVES OF INNOCENT 1262 00:45:53,284 --> 00:45:53,861 I'LL DO WHATEVER I CAN TO SPARE THE LIVES OF INNOCENT GENTILES. 1263 00:45:53,885 --> 00:45:54,695 SPARE THE LIVES OF INNOCENT GENTILES. OKAY. 1264 00:45:54,719 --> 00:45:56,597 GENTILES. OKAY. I'LL CALL THE TASK FORCE. 1265 00:45:56,621 --> 00:46:01,802 OKAY. I'LL CALL THE TASK FORCE. I'LL MEET YOU OVER THERE. 1266 00:46:01,826 --> 00:46:02,669 I'LL CALL THE TASK FORCE. I'LL MEET YOU OVER THERE. YES, THIS IS 1267 00:46:02,693 --> 00:46:03,938 I'LL MEET YOU OVER THERE. YES, THIS IS LIEUTENANT BUSHAKIS. 1268 00:46:03,962 --> 00:46:05,539 YES, THIS IS LIEUTENANT BUSHAKIS. I WANT 10 SQUAD CARS AND 4 1269 00:46:05,563 --> 00:46:07,174 LIEUTENANT BUSHAKIS. I WANT 10 SQUAD CARS AND 4 PATROL CARS OUTSIDE 29 WEST 1270 00:46:07,198 --> 00:46:07,775 I WANT 10 SQUAD CARS AND 4 PATROL CARS OUTSIDE 29 WEST STREET. 1271 00:46:07,799 --> 00:46:09,509 PATROL CARS OUTSIDE 29 WEST STREET. AND, JUST IN CASE, SEND AN 1272 00:46:09,533 --> 00:46:10,745 STREET. AND, JUST IN CASE, SEND AN AMBULANCE... 1273 00:46:10,769 --> 00:46:12,813 AND, JUST IN CASE, SEND AN AMBULANCE... WITH A TREE SURGEON. 1274 00:46:12,837 --> 00:46:13,647 AMBULANCE... WITH A TREE SURGEON. THAT'S RIGHT. 1275 00:46:13,671 --> 00:46:14,749 WITH A TREE SURGEON. THAT'S RIGHT. YOU HEARD ME RIGHT. 1276 00:46:14,773 --> 00:46:15,716 THAT'S RIGHT. YOU HEARD ME RIGHT. DO IT FAST, PAL. 1277 00:46:15,740 --> 00:46:16,884 YOU HEARD ME RIGHT. DO IT FAST, PAL. [UPBEAT VERSION OF 1278 00:46:16,908 --> 00:46:19,108 DO IT FAST, PAL. [UPBEAT VERSION OF "O TANNENBAUM" PLAYS] 1279 00:46:38,428 --> 00:46:46,428 [CLEARS THROAT] WELL... WELL... 1280 00:46:48,606 --> 00:46:50,084 WELL... WELL... BOY, DO I EVER WANT TO GET 1281 00:46:50,108 --> 00:46:51,418 WELL... BOY, DO I EVER WANT TO GET PIERCED IN THE THORAX! 1282 00:46:51,442 --> 00:46:56,723 BOY, DO I EVER WANT TO GET PIERCED IN THE THORAX! [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] 1283 00:46:56,747 --> 00:46:58,392 PIERCED IN THE THORAX! [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] [High-pitched] ♪ O 1284 00:46:58,416 --> 00:47:03,430 [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] [High-pitched] ♪ O TANNENBAUM, O TANNENBAUM ♪ 1285 00:47:03,454 --> 00:47:07,001 [High-pitched] ♪ O TANNENBAUM, O TANNENBAUM ♪ ♪ O KILLER TREES, 1286 00:47:07,025 --> 00:47:11,571 TANNENBAUM, O TANNENBAUM ♪ ♪ O KILLER TREES, O KILLER CHRISTMAS TREES ♪ 1287 00:47:11,595 --> 00:47:14,574 ♪ O KILLER TREES, O KILLER CHRISTMAS TREES ♪ ♪ I WANT TO FEEL YOUR BRANCHES 1288 00:47:14,598 --> 00:47:16,110 O KILLER CHRISTMAS TREES ♪ ♪ I WANT TO FEEL YOUR BRANCHES IN ME ♪ 1289 00:47:16,134 --> 00:47:17,444 ♪ I WANT TO FEEL YOUR BRANCHES IN ME ♪ AAH! AAH! 1290 00:47:17,468 --> 00:47:21,182 IN ME ♪ AAH! AAH! [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] 1291 00:47:21,206 --> 00:47:22,582 AAH! AAH! [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] WELL, WE SAID WE'D BE 1292 00:47:22,606 --> 00:47:24,318 [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] WELL, WE SAID WE'D BE OUTSIDE, BUT WE DIDN'T SAY WE'D 1293 00:47:24,342 --> 00:47:25,152 WELL, WE SAID WE'D BE OUTSIDE, BUT WE DIDN'T SAY WE'D DO ANYTHING. 1294 00:47:25,176 --> 00:47:25,786 OUTSIDE, BUT WE DIDN'T SAY WE'D DO ANYTHING. YEAH. 1295 00:47:25,810 --> 00:47:27,221 DO ANYTHING. YEAH. WELL, I GUESS WE BETTER TAKE 1296 00:47:27,245 --> 00:47:28,289 YEAH. WELL, I GUESS WE BETTER TAKE THIS TREE DOWNTOWN. 1297 00:47:28,313 --> 00:47:29,356 WELL, I GUESS WE BETTER TAKE THIS TREE DOWNTOWN. OKAY. 1298 00:47:29,380 --> 00:47:30,891 THIS TREE DOWNTOWN. OKAY. OKAY, TREE! 1299 00:47:30,915 --> 00:47:33,794 OKAY. OKAY, TREE! YOU'RE COMIN' WITH US. COME ON. 1300 00:47:33,818 --> 00:47:34,929 OKAY, TREE! YOU'RE COMIN' WITH US. COME ON. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO ONE PHONE 1301 00:47:34,953 --> 00:47:35,229 YOU'RE COMIN' WITH US. COME ON. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO ONE PHONE CALL. 1302 00:47:35,253 --> 00:47:36,263 YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO ONE PHONE CALL. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN 1303 00:47:36,287 --> 00:47:36,630 CALL. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT. 1304 00:47:36,654 --> 00:47:37,798 YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT. ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN AND WILL BE 1305 00:47:37,822 --> 00:47:38,866 SILENT. ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN AND WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU IN A COURT OF 1306 00:47:38,890 --> 00:47:39,166 ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN AND WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU IN A COURT OF LAW. 1307 00:47:39,190 --> 00:47:40,267 USED AGAINST YOU IN A COURT OF LAW. HEY, WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT THE 1308 00:47:40,291 --> 00:47:40,868 LAW. HEY, WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT THE GUY BEHIND IT? 1309 00:47:40,892 --> 00:47:41,768 HEY, WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT THE GUY BEHIND IT? WHAT? THIS GUY? 1310 00:47:41,792 --> 00:47:43,237 GUY BEHIND IT? WHAT? THIS GUY? HE'S JUST AN INNOCENT STAGEHAND. 1311 00:47:43,261 --> 00:47:44,571 WHAT? THIS GUY? HE'S JUST AN INNOCENT STAGEHAND. HE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO 1312 00:47:44,595 --> 00:47:45,105 HE'S JUST AN INNOCENT STAGEHAND. HE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT. 1313 00:47:45,129 --> 00:47:46,573 HE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT. WELL, WE'LL TAKE HIM DOWNTOWN 1314 00:47:46,597 --> 00:47:47,942 WITH IT. WELL, WE'LL TAKE HIM DOWNTOWN AND BOOK HIM AS AN ACCOMPLICE. 1315 00:47:47,966 --> 00:47:49,009 WELL, WE'LL TAKE HIM DOWNTOWN AND BOOK HIM AS AN ACCOMPLICE. IT'S SO SAD, YOU KNOW, 1316 00:47:49,033 --> 00:47:52,012 AND BOOK HIM AS AN ACCOMPLICE. IT'S SO SAD, YOU KNOW, BECAUSE... SHE LOOKED LIKE AN 1317 00:47:52,036 --> 00:47:53,013 IT'S SO SAD, YOU KNOW, BECAUSE... SHE LOOKED LIKE AN ANGEL. 1318 00:47:53,037 --> 00:47:56,150 BECAUSE... SHE LOOKED LIKE AN ANGEL. AND NOW... SHE IS ONE. 1319 00:47:56,174 --> 00:47:58,585 ANGEL. AND NOW... SHE IS ONE. I GUESS... 1320 00:47:58,609 --> 00:48:02,056 AND NOW... SHE IS ONE. I GUESS... THIS CASE... IS CLOSED. 1321 00:48:02,080 --> 00:48:03,657 I GUESS... THIS CASE... IS CLOSED. [UPBEAT VERSION OF 1322 00:48:03,681 --> 00:48:06,161 THIS CASE... IS CLOSED. [UPBEAT VERSION OF "O TANNENBAUM" PLAYS] 1323 00:48:13,690 --> 00:48:17,238 AND NOW HERE'S THIS WEEK'S FILM BY GARY WEIS. IT'S ABOUT DIANA NYAD, THE 1324 00:48:17,262 --> 00:48:18,805 FILM BY GARY WEIS. IT'S ABOUT DIANA NYAD, THE MARATHON SWIMMER WHO SWAM AROUND 1325 00:48:18,829 --> 00:48:20,841 IT'S ABOUT DIANA NYAD, THE MARATHON SWIMMER WHO SWAM AROUND MANHATTAN ISLAND. 1326 00:48:20,865 --> 00:48:22,642 MARATHON SWIMMER WHO SWAM AROUND MANHATTAN ISLAND. [APPLAUSE] 1327 00:48:22,666 --> 00:48:24,478 MANHATTAN ISLAND. [APPLAUSE] DIANA'S BEEN A BIG INFLUENCE 1328 00:48:24,502 --> 00:48:26,280 [APPLAUSE] DIANA'S BEEN A BIG INFLUENCE ON ME AS FAR AS MY DEFINITIONS 1329 00:48:26,304 --> 00:48:27,882 DIANA'S BEEN A BIG INFLUENCE ON ME AS FAR AS MY DEFINITIONS OF WHAT A WOMAN CAN BE AND 1330 00:48:27,906 --> 00:48:28,949 ON ME AS FAR AS MY DEFINITIONS OF WHAT A WOMAN CAN BE AND WHAT A WOMAN IS. 1331 00:48:28,973 --> 00:48:30,684 OF WHAT A WOMAN CAN BE AND WHAT A WOMAN IS. SHE'S THE FIRST WOMAN I'VE MET 1332 00:48:30,708 --> 00:48:32,353 WHAT A WOMAN IS. SHE'S THE FIRST WOMAN I'VE MET IN MY LIFE THAT SAT DOWN AND 1333 00:48:32,377 --> 00:48:34,121 SHE'S THE FIRST WOMAN I'VE MET IN MY LIFE THAT SAT DOWN AND SAID, "THIS IS WHAT I WANT, AND 1334 00:48:34,145 --> 00:48:35,222 IN MY LIFE THAT SAT DOWN AND SAID, "THIS IS WHAT I WANT, AND I'M GONNA GET IT. 1335 00:48:35,246 --> 00:48:36,857 SAID, "THIS IS WHAT I WANT, AND I'M GONNA GET IT. AND IT DOESN'T MATTER AT ALL 1336 00:48:36,881 --> 00:48:38,625 I'M GONNA GET IT. AND IT DOESN'T MATTER AT ALL WHAT ANYBODY ELSE IN THE WORLD 1337 00:48:38,649 --> 00:48:39,260 AND IT DOESN'T MATTER AT ALL WHAT ANYBODY ELSE IN THE WORLD THINKS." 1338 00:48:39,284 --> 00:48:41,724 WHAT ANYBODY ELSE IN THE WORLD THINKS." [CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS] 1339 00:48:47,824 --> 00:48:55,824 I HAVE BEEN SWIMMING NOW FOR OVER 15 YEARS, OVER 4 HOURS A DAY, SOMETIMES 5, SOMETIMES 6. 1340 00:49:03,540 --> 00:49:11,425 THE AVERAGE HEARTBEAT IS 72 TO 75 BEATS A MINUTE. THE AVERAGE TRAINED ATHLETE IS 1341 00:49:11,449 --> 00:49:13,060 75 BEATS A MINUTE. THE AVERAGE TRAINED ATHLETE IS FROM 60 TO 70. 1342 00:49:13,084 --> 00:49:15,996 THE AVERAGE TRAINED ATHLETE IS FROM 60 TO 70. MY HEARTBEAT IS 45 IN THE 1343 00:49:16,020 --> 00:49:18,065 FROM 60 TO 70. MY HEARTBEAT IS 45 IN THE MORNING AT REST. 1344 00:49:18,089 --> 00:49:19,967 MY HEARTBEAT IS 45 IN THE MORNING AT REST. UM, I CAN GET IT UP TO 180 WHEN 1345 00:49:19,991 --> 00:49:21,802 MORNING AT REST. UM, I CAN GET IT UP TO 180 WHEN I'M WORKING VERY HARD, BUT THE 1346 00:49:21,826 --> 00:49:23,603 UM, I CAN GET IT UP TO 180 WHEN I'M WORKING VERY HARD, BUT THE POINT ABOUT BEING IN SHAPE IS 1347 00:49:23,627 --> 00:49:25,339 I'M WORKING VERY HARD, BUT THE POINT ABOUT BEING IN SHAPE IS THAT IT COMES BACK DOWN VERY 1348 00:49:25,363 --> 00:49:27,963 POINT ABOUT BEING IN SHAPE IS THAT IT COMES BACK DOWN VERY QUICKLY. 1349 00:49:33,003 --> 00:49:39,153 I, UM, HOLD THE WORLD RECORD FOR SWIMMING FROM CAPRI TO NAPLES IN ITALY, AND I'M THE ONLY PERSON 1350 00:49:39,177 --> 00:49:41,121 SWIMMING FROM CAPRI TO NAPLES IN ITALY, AND I'M THE ONLY PERSON TO HAVE CROSSED LAKE ONTARIO, 1351 00:49:41,145 --> 00:49:43,757 ITALY, AND I'M THE ONLY PERSON TO HAVE CROSSED LAKE ONTARIO, WHICH TOOK 18 HOURS, 20 MINUTES. 1352 00:49:43,781 --> 00:49:45,892 TO HAVE CROSSED LAKE ONTARIO, WHICH TOOK 18 HOURS, 20 MINUTES. I HOLD THE RECORD FOR SWIMMING 1353 00:49:45,916 --> 00:49:47,894 WHICH TOOK 18 HOURS, 20 MINUTES. I HOLD THE RECORD FOR SWIMMING AROUND MANHATTAN ISLAND IN A 1354 00:49:47,918 --> 00:49:51,078 I HOLD THE RECORD FOR SWIMMING AROUND MANHATTAN ISLAND IN A LITTLE UNDER 8 HOURS. 1355 00:49:59,096 --> 00:50:06,380 WHEN I'M SWIMMING DURING THE TOUGHEST SEASONS OF THE YEAR, I EAT 12,000 TO 12,500 CALORIES A 1356 00:50:06,404 --> 00:50:08,349 TOUGHEST SEASONS OF THE YEAR, I EAT 12,000 TO 12,500 CALORIES A DAY, WHICH IS AT LEAST 10 TIMES 1357 00:50:08,373 --> 00:50:10,217 EAT 12,000 TO 12,500 CALORIES A DAY, WHICH IS AT LEAST 10 TIMES WHAT THE AVERAGE PERSON EATS. 1358 00:50:10,241 --> 00:50:12,052 DAY, WHICH IS AT LEAST 10 TIMES WHAT THE AVERAGE PERSON EATS. DIANA NYAD IS OUR COACH ON 1359 00:50:12,076 --> 00:50:13,954 WHAT THE AVERAGE PERSON EATS. DIANA NYAD IS OUR COACH ON THE BARNARD COLLEGE SWIM TEAM. 1360 00:50:13,978 --> 00:50:15,155 DIANA NYAD IS OUR COACH ON THE BARNARD COLLEGE SWIM TEAM. SHE REALLY HAS BEEN AN 1361 00:50:15,179 --> 00:50:16,556 THE BARNARD COLLEGE SWIM TEAM. SHE REALLY HAS BEEN AN INSPIRATION FOR ALL OF US. 1362 00:50:16,580 --> 00:50:18,993 SHE REALLY HAS BEEN AN INSPIRATION FOR ALL OF US. KNOWING DIANA HAS MADE ME SEE 1363 00:50:19,017 --> 00:50:21,228 INSPIRATION FOR ALL OF US. KNOWING DIANA HAS MADE ME SEE THAT I CAN DO ANYTHING THAT I 1364 00:50:21,252 --> 00:50:22,262 KNOWING DIANA HAS MADE ME SEE THAT I CAN DO ANYTHING THAT I WANT TO DO. 1365 00:50:22,286 --> 00:50:23,897 THAT I CAN DO ANYTHING THAT I WANT TO DO. SHE DEMANDS PERFECTION FROM YOU 1366 00:50:23,921 --> 00:50:25,399 WANT TO DO. SHE DEMANDS PERFECTION FROM YOU IN EVERYTHING, BUT YOU DON'T 1367 00:50:25,423 --> 00:50:26,967 SHE DEMANDS PERFECTION FROM YOU IN EVERYTHING, BUT YOU DON'T MIND GIVING IT TO HER BECAUSE 1368 00:50:26,991 --> 00:50:28,469 IN EVERYTHING, BUT YOU DON'T MIND GIVING IT TO HER BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT SHE DEMANDS IT 1369 00:50:28,493 --> 00:50:31,293 MIND GIVING IT TO HER BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT SHE DEMANDS IT FROM HERSELF. 1370 00:50:49,179 --> 00:50:54,861 FROM A MILE OUT, I CAN HEAR THE CLAPPING AND THE SCREAMING. PEOPLE REALIZE I SWAM FROM A 1371 00:50:54,885 --> 00:50:56,763 THE CLAPPING AND THE SCREAMING. PEOPLE REALIZE I SWAM FROM A PLACE THAT THEY COULDN'T EVEN 1372 00:50:56,787 --> 00:50:58,365 PEOPLE REALIZE I SWAM FROM A PLACE THAT THEY COULDN'T EVEN SEE ON THE CLEAREST DAY. 1373 00:50:58,389 --> 00:51:00,234 PLACE THAT THEY COULDN'T EVEN SEE ON THE CLEAREST DAY. THEY KNOW I MAY FAINT WHEN I 1374 00:51:00,258 --> 00:51:00,901 SEE ON THE CLEAREST DAY. THEY KNOW I MAY FAINT WHEN I ARRIVE. 1375 00:51:00,925 --> 00:51:02,669 THEY KNOW I MAY FAINT WHEN I ARRIVE. THEY SHARE WITH ME THE MOST 1376 00:51:02,693 --> 00:51:04,438 ARRIVE. THEY SHARE WITH ME THE MOST EXTREME MOMENT OF ALL, FOR, 1377 00:51:04,462 --> 00:51:06,306 THEY SHARE WITH ME THE MOST EXTREME MOMENT OF ALL, FOR, AFTER THE PAIN, THE COLD, THE 1378 00:51:06,330 --> 00:51:08,242 EXTREME MOMENT OF ALL, FOR, AFTER THE PAIN, THE COLD, THE HOURS, THE DISTANCE, AFTER THE 1379 00:51:08,266 --> 00:51:10,110 AFTER THE PAIN, THE COLD, THE HOURS, THE DISTANCE, AFTER THE FATIGUE AND THE LONELINESS... 1380 00:51:10,134 --> 00:51:11,745 HOURS, THE DISTANCE, AFTER THE FATIGUE AND THE LONELINESS... AFTER ALL THIS COMES MY 1381 00:51:11,769 --> 00:51:12,646 FATIGUE AND THE LONELINESS... AFTER ALL THIS COMES MY EMERGENCE. 1382 00:51:12,670 --> 00:51:14,114 AFTER ALL THIS COMES MY EMERGENCE. AND MY EMERGENCE IS WHAT IT'S 1383 00:51:14,138 --> 00:51:16,098 EMERGENCE. AND MY EMERGENCE IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT. 1384 00:51:19,342 --> 00:51:20,642 [APPLAUSE] 1385 00:51:26,983 --> 00:51:31,031 WELL, IT'S THE LAST SHOW BEFORE CHRISTMAS, AND AFTER IT'S OVER, WE'LL PROBABLY ALL GO OUT 1386 00:51:31,055 --> 00:51:32,533 BEFORE CHRISTMAS, AND AFTER IT'S OVER, WE'LL PROBABLY ALL GO OUT AND CELEBRATE BEFORE HEADING OUR 1387 00:51:32,557 --> 00:51:33,967 OVER, WE'LL PROBABLY ALL GO OUT AND CELEBRATE BEFORE HEADING OUR SEPARATE WAYS FOR THE HOLIDAYS. 1388 00:51:33,991 --> 00:51:35,536 AND CELEBRATE BEFORE HEADING OUR SEPARATE WAYS FOR THE HOLIDAYS. GILDA'S GOING HOME TO DETROIT, 1389 00:51:35,560 --> 00:51:37,137 SEPARATE WAYS FOR THE HOLIDAYS. GILDA'S GOING HOME TO DETROIT, DANNY UP TO CANADA, LARAINE TO 1390 00:51:37,161 --> 00:51:38,805 GILDA'S GOING HOME TO DETROIT, DANNY UP TO CANADA, LARAINE TO LOS ANGELES, JANE WILL STAY HERE 1391 00:51:38,829 --> 00:51:40,240 DANNY UP TO CANADA, LARAINE TO LOS ANGELES, JANE WILL STAY HERE WITH PATRICK, AND, I GUESS, 1392 00:51:40,264 --> 00:51:41,775 LOS ANGELES, JANE WILL STAY HERE WITH PATRICK, AND, I GUESS, GARRETT WILL BE GOING BACK TO 1393 00:51:41,799 --> 00:51:45,379 WITH PATRICK, AND, I GUESS, GARRETT WILL BE GOING BACK TO AFRICA. 1394 00:51:45,403 --> 00:51:47,381 GARRETT WILL BE GOING BACK TO AFRICA. YES, EVERYBODY'S GOING HOME... 1395 00:51:47,405 --> 00:51:51,918 AFRICA. YES, EVERYBODY'S GOING HOME... EVERYBODY EXCEPT FOR BELUSHI. 1396 00:51:51,942 --> 00:51:53,853 YES, EVERYBODY'S GOING HOME... EVERYBODY EXCEPT FOR BELUSHI. NOW, WE ALL WANT TO HELP JOHN, 1397 00:51:53,877 --> 00:51:55,822 EVERYBODY EXCEPT FOR BELUSHI. NOW, WE ALL WANT TO HELP JOHN, BUT, THEN, WE'VE ALL HELPED HIM 1398 00:51:55,846 --> 00:51:57,757 NOW, WE ALL WANT TO HELP JOHN, BUT, THEN, WE'VE ALL HELPED HIM SO MUCH ALREADY... PUTTING HIM 1399 00:51:57,781 --> 00:51:59,626 BUT, THEN, WE'VE ALL HELPED HIM SO MUCH ALREADY... PUTTING HIM UP, TALKING OVER HIS PROBLEMS 1400 00:51:59,650 --> 00:52:01,462 SO MUCH ALREADY... PUTTING HIM UP, TALKING OVER HIS PROBLEMS WITH HIM, LENDING HIM MONEY. 1401 00:52:01,486 --> 00:52:03,863 UP, TALKING OVER HIS PROBLEMS WITH HIM, LENDING HIM MONEY. SO NOW IT'S YOUR TURN TO HELP. 1402 00:52:03,887 --> 00:52:05,566 WITH HIM, LENDING HIM MONEY. SO NOW IT'S YOUR TURN TO HELP. AND, BELIEVE ME, IF YOU LIKE 1403 00:52:05,590 --> 00:52:07,367 SO NOW IT'S YOUR TURN TO HELP. AND, BELIEVE ME, IF YOU LIKE GOOD ACTING AND YOU JUST PLAIN 1404 00:52:07,391 --> 00:52:09,002 AND, BELIEVE ME, IF YOU LIKE GOOD ACTING AND YOU JUST PLAIN GET OFF ON GOOD VIBES, THEN 1405 00:52:09,026 --> 00:52:10,804 GOOD ACTING AND YOU JUST PLAIN GET OFF ON GOOD VIBES, THEN HERE'S AN OFFER YOU JUST CAN'T 1406 00:52:10,828 --> 00:52:11,405 GET OFF ON GOOD VIBES, THEN HERE'S AN OFFER YOU JUST CAN'T REFUSE. 1407 00:52:11,429 --> 00:52:12,672 HERE'S AN OFFER YOU JUST CAN'T REFUSE. "SATURDAY NIGHT" PROUDLY 1408 00:52:12,696 --> 00:52:14,308 REFUSE. "SATURDAY NIGHT" PROUDLY ANNOUNCES THE "ADOPT BELUSHI FOR 1409 00:52:14,332 --> 00:52:16,543 "SATURDAY NIGHT" PROUDLY ANNOUNCES THE "ADOPT BELUSHI FOR CHRISTMAS" CONTEST. 1410 00:52:16,567 --> 00:52:18,245 ANNOUNCES THE "ADOPT BELUSHI FOR CHRISTMAS" CONTEST. WRITE IN IMMEDIATELY AND STATE 1411 00:52:18,269 --> 00:52:19,913 CHRISTMAS" CONTEST. WRITE IN IMMEDIATELY AND STATE YOUR CASE IN 20 WORDS OR LESS 1412 00:52:19,937 --> 00:52:21,648 WRITE IN IMMEDIATELY AND STATE YOUR CASE IN 20 WORDS OR LESS WHY YOU ARE THE IDEAL FAMILY TO 1413 00:52:21,672 --> 00:52:23,250 YOUR CASE IN 20 WORDS OR LESS WHY YOU ARE THE IDEAL FAMILY TO ADOPT BELUSHI FOR CHRISTMAS. 1414 00:52:23,274 --> 00:52:24,684 WHY YOU ARE THE IDEAL FAMILY TO ADOPT BELUSHI FOR CHRISTMAS. WITH HIS SWARTHY GOOD LOOKS, 1415 00:52:24,708 --> 00:52:26,186 ADOPT BELUSHI FOR CHRISTMAS. WITH HIS SWARTHY GOOD LOOKS, JOHN WILL APPEAR RIGHT AT HOME 1416 00:52:26,210 --> 00:52:27,687 WITH HIS SWARTHY GOOD LOOKS, JOHN WILL APPEAR RIGHT AT HOME IN ANY FAMILY WITH A DEPRESSED 1417 00:52:27,711 --> 00:52:30,324 JOHN WILL APPEAR RIGHT AT HOME IN ANY FAMILY WITH A DEPRESSED EUROPEAN BACKGROUND. 1418 00:52:30,348 --> 00:52:32,226 IN ANY FAMILY WITH A DEPRESSED EUROPEAN BACKGROUND. JOHN'S HAD ALL OF HIS SHOTS. 1419 00:52:32,250 --> 00:52:33,660 EUROPEAN BACKGROUND. JOHN'S HAD ALL OF HIS SHOTS. HE'S AN EAGER EATER. 1420 00:52:33,684 --> 00:52:35,496 JOHN'S HAD ALL OF HIS SHOTS. HE'S AN EAGER EATER. PLUS, HE COMES WITH HIS OWN 1421 00:52:35,520 --> 00:52:37,231 HE'S AN EAGER EATER. PLUS, HE COMES WITH HIS OWN ATTRACTIVE WARDROBE WHICH 1422 00:52:37,255 --> 00:52:39,133 PLUS, HE COMES WITH HIS OWN ATTRACTIVE WARDROBE WHICH INCLUDES A KOHOUTEK T-SHIRT. 1423 00:52:39,157 --> 00:52:41,034 ATTRACTIVE WARDROBE WHICH INCLUDES A KOHOUTEK T-SHIRT. LET BELUSHI SHARE HIS MANY 1424 00:52:41,058 --> 00:52:42,902 INCLUDES A KOHOUTEK T-SHIRT. LET BELUSHI SHARE HIS MANY STORIES AND SONGS WITH THE 1425 00:52:42,926 --> 00:52:43,703 LET BELUSHI SHARE HIS MANY STORIES AND SONGS WITH THE KIDDIES. 1426 00:52:43,727 --> 00:52:46,706 STORIES AND SONGS WITH THE KIDDIES. ♪ CHESTNUTS ROASTING 1427 00:52:46,730 --> 00:52:49,610 KIDDIES. ♪ CHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE ♪ 1428 00:52:49,634 --> 00:52:51,745 ♪ CHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE ♪ ♪ JACK FROST NIPPING 1429 00:52:51,769 --> 00:52:53,847 ON AN OPEN FIRE ♪ ♪ JACK FROST NIPPING AT YOUR NOSE ♪ 1430 00:52:53,871 --> 00:52:56,750 ♪ JACK FROST NIPPING AT YOUR NOSE ♪ HI, I'M JOHN BELUSHI. 1431 00:52:56,774 --> 00:52:57,917 AT YOUR NOSE ♪ HI, I'M JOHN BELUSHI. AH, BUT YOU CAN CALL ME 1432 00:52:57,941 --> 00:52:59,253 HI, I'M JOHN BELUSHI. AH, BUT YOU CAN CALL ME BELUSH, JUST LIKE MY CLOSE, 1433 00:52:59,277 --> 00:53:00,587 AH, BUT YOU CAN CALL ME BELUSH, JUST LIKE MY CLOSE, PERSONAL FRIEND CHEVY CHASE 1434 00:53:00,611 --> 00:53:00,987 BELUSH, JUST LIKE MY CLOSE, PERSONAL FRIEND CHEVY CHASE DOES. 1435 00:53:01,011 --> 00:53:03,023 PERSONAL FRIEND CHEVY CHASE DOES. YOU KNOW, IT'S CORNY, BUT I LOVE 1436 00:53:03,047 --> 00:53:03,857 DOES. YOU KNOW, IT'S CORNY, BUT I LOVE CHRISTMAS. 1437 00:53:03,881 --> 00:53:05,825 YOU KNOW, IT'S CORNY, BUT I LOVE CHRISTMAS. HEY, I'D LOVE TO SIT AROUND THE 1438 00:53:05,849 --> 00:53:07,594 CHRISTMAS. HEY, I'D LOVE TO SIT AROUND THE YULE LOG AND PLAY WITH YOUR 1439 00:53:07,618 --> 00:53:10,330 HEY, I'D LOVE TO SIT AROUND THE YULE LOG AND PLAY WITH YOUR DAUGHTER. 1440 00:53:10,354 --> 00:53:11,731 YULE LOG AND PLAY WITH YOUR DAUGHTER. ACTUALLY, I'M NOT DOING MUCH 1441 00:53:11,755 --> 00:53:12,599 DAUGHTER. ACTUALLY, I'M NOT DOING MUCH THIS CHRISTMAS. 1442 00:53:12,623 --> 00:53:14,067 ACTUALLY, I'M NOT DOING MUCH THIS CHRISTMAS. UH, ANYWAY, HOW ABOUT DINNER? 1443 00:53:14,091 --> 00:53:14,868 THIS CHRISTMAS. UH, ANYWAY, HOW ABOUT DINNER? I'M NOT FUSSY. 1444 00:53:14,892 --> 00:53:16,470 UH, ANYWAY, HOW ABOUT DINNER? I'M NOT FUSSY. I'D LIKE SOME CANDIED YAMS, SOME 1445 00:53:16,494 --> 00:53:17,837 I'M NOT FUSSY. I'D LIKE SOME CANDIED YAMS, SOME PLUM PUDDING, A ROAST GOOSE 1446 00:53:17,861 --> 00:53:18,872 I'D LIKE SOME CANDIED YAMS, SOME PLUM PUDDING, A ROAST GOOSE STUFFED WITH DRUGS. 1447 00:53:18,896 --> 00:53:20,940 PLUM PUDDING, A ROAST GOOSE STUFFED WITH DRUGS. QUADRAPHONIC SOUND SYSTEM WOULD 1448 00:53:20,964 --> 00:53:21,975 STUFFED WITH DRUGS. QUADRAPHONIC SOUND SYSTEM WOULD BE REAL NICE. 1449 00:53:21,999 --> 00:53:23,977 QUADRAPHONIC SOUND SYSTEM WOULD BE REAL NICE. AND MAYBE I COULD USE A CAR IF 1450 00:53:24,001 --> 00:53:25,612 BE REAL NICE. AND MAYBE I COULD USE A CAR IF YOU'VE GOT ONE... A NICE 1451 00:53:25,636 --> 00:53:26,713 AND MAYBE I COULD USE A CAR IF YOU'VE GOT ONE... A NICE BRAND-NEW CAR. 1452 00:53:26,737 --> 00:53:28,014 YOU'VE GOT ONE... A NICE BRAND-NEW CAR. IF YOU'VE GOT A 15-YEAR OLD 1453 00:53:28,038 --> 00:53:29,416 BRAND-NEW CAR. IF YOU'VE GOT A 15-YEAR OLD GIRL, OF COURSE, THAT WOULD BE 1454 00:53:29,440 --> 00:53:29,816 IF YOU'VE GOT A 15-YEAR OLD GIRL, OF COURSE, THAT WOULD BE NICE. 1455 00:53:29,840 --> 00:53:31,185 GIRL, OF COURSE, THAT WOULD BE NICE. 14, I DON'T CARE. 16. 1456 00:53:31,209 --> 00:53:32,908 NICE. 14, I DON'T CARE. 16. NICE GIRL. 1457 00:53:33,176 --> 00:53:34,810 SO, IF YOU THINK YOU'RE THAT 1458 00:53:34,944 --> 00:53:36,645 SPECIAL AMERICAN FAMILY, WHY NOT 1459 00:53:36,779 --> 00:53:38,581 WRITE TO... 1460 00:53:43,587 --> 00:53:44,753 RUNNERS-UP WILL RECEIVE A 1461 00:53:44,887 --> 00:53:46,021 PERSONAL PHONE CALL FROM 1462 00:53:46,155 --> 00:53:46,655 DON PARDO. 1463 00:53:46,789 --> 00:53:48,657 COME ON, WHAT DO YOU SAY? 1464 00:53:48,791 --> 00:53:50,959 HI, MOM AND DAD! 1465 00:53:51,094 --> 00:53:53,195 [APPLAUSE] 1466 00:53:55,932 --> 00:54:00,113 ONE NIGHT THIS JULY, GARY GILMORE KILLED A UTAH SERVICE-STATION ATTENDANT, AND 1467 00:54:00,137 --> 00:54:01,448 GARY GILMORE KILLED A UTAH SERVICE-STATION ATTENDANT, AND THE NEXT NIGHT HE SHOT A 1468 00:54:01,472 --> 00:54:02,982 SERVICE-STATION ATTENDANT, AND THE NEXT NIGHT HE SHOT A 25-YEAR-OLD STUDENT TWICE IN 1469 00:54:03,006 --> 00:54:03,617 THE NEXT NIGHT HE SHOT A 25-YEAR-OLD STUDENT TWICE IN THE HEAD. 1470 00:54:03,641 --> 00:54:05,219 25-YEAR-OLD STUDENT TWICE IN THE HEAD. HE WAS CONVICTED OF THE SECOND 1471 00:54:05,243 --> 00:54:06,820 THE HEAD. HE WAS CONVICTED OF THE SECOND MURDER AND SENTENCED TO DEATH. 1472 00:54:06,844 --> 00:54:08,255 HE WAS CONVICTED OF THE SECOND MURDER AND SENTENCED TO DEATH. GILMORE REQUESTED THAT THE 1473 00:54:08,279 --> 00:54:09,656 MURDER AND SENTENCED TO DEATH. GILMORE REQUESTED THAT THE SENTENCE BE CARRIED OUT BY 1474 00:54:09,680 --> 00:54:10,490 GILMORE REQUESTED THAT THE SENTENCE BE CARRIED OUT BY FIRING SQUAD. 1475 00:54:10,514 --> 00:54:11,991 SENTENCE BE CARRIED OUT BY FIRING SQUAD. PRISON OFFICIALS WERE FLOODED 1476 00:54:12,015 --> 00:54:13,193 FIRING SQUAD. PRISON OFFICIALS WERE FLOODED WITH CALLS FROM PEOPLE 1477 00:54:13,217 --> 00:54:14,828 PRISON OFFICIALS WERE FLOODED WITH CALLS FROM PEOPLE VOLUNTEERING TO SHOOT GILMORE, A 1478 00:54:14,852 --> 00:54:17,497 WITH CALLS FROM PEOPLE VOLUNTEERING TO SHOOT GILMORE, A JOB WHICH PAYS $125. 1479 00:54:17,521 --> 00:54:19,065 VOLUNTEERING TO SHOOT GILMORE, A JOB WHICH PAYS $125. GILMORE'S LAWYER IS NEGOTIATING 1480 00:54:19,089 --> 00:54:20,100 JOB WHICH PAYS $125. GILMORE'S LAWYER IS NEGOTIATING WITH PUBLISHERS AND 1481 00:54:20,124 --> 00:54:21,635 GILMORE'S LAWYER IS NEGOTIATING WITH PUBLISHERS AND MOTION-PICTURE STUDIOS FOR BOOK 1482 00:54:21,659 --> 00:54:23,203 WITH PUBLISHERS AND MOTION-PICTURE STUDIOS FOR BOOK AND MOVIE RIGHTS, AND THERE HAS 1483 00:54:23,227 --> 00:54:27,441 MOTION-PICTURE STUDIOS FOR BOOK AND MOVIE RIGHTS, AND THERE HAS BEEN A CRY FOR PUBLIC EXECUTION. 1484 00:54:27,465 --> 00:54:28,908 AND MOVIE RIGHTS, AND THERE HAS BEEN A CRY FOR PUBLIC EXECUTION. ALL THREE NETWORKS HAVE ASKED 1485 00:54:28,932 --> 00:54:30,344 BEEN A CRY FOR PUBLIC EXECUTION. ALL THREE NETWORKS HAVE ASKED PERMISSION TO FILM THE EVENT, 1486 00:54:30,368 --> 00:54:31,645 ALL THREE NETWORKS HAVE ASKED PERMISSION TO FILM THE EVENT, AND, IF PERMISSION IS NOT 1487 00:54:31,669 --> 00:54:33,113 PERMISSION TO FILM THE EVENT, AND, IF PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED, THEN THERE'S TALK OF 1488 00:54:33,137 --> 00:54:34,514 AND, IF PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED, THEN THERE'S TALK OF FILMING THE EXECUTION FROM A 1489 00:54:34,538 --> 00:54:36,015 GRANTED, THEN THERE'S TALK OF FILMING THE EXECUTION FROM A DIRIGIBLE, HELICOPTER, OR HANG 1490 00:54:36,039 --> 00:54:36,850 FILMING THE EXECUTION FROM A DIRIGIBLE, HELICOPTER, OR HANG GLIDER. 1491 00:54:36,874 --> 00:54:38,719 DIRIGIBLE, HELICOPTER, OR HANG GLIDER. AND SO IT'S IN THIS SPIRIT THAT 1492 00:54:38,743 --> 00:54:40,587 GLIDER. AND SO IT'S IN THIS SPIRIT THAT "SATURDAY NIGHT" HAS PREPARED A 1493 00:54:40,611 --> 00:54:44,291 AND SO IT'S IN THIS SPIRIT THAT "SATURDAY NIGHT" HAS PREPARED A VERY SPECIAL CHRISTMAS SONG. 1494 00:54:44,315 --> 00:54:49,162 "SATURDAY NIGHT" HAS PREPARED A VERY SPECIAL CHRISTMAS SONG. [MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS] 1495 00:54:49,186 --> 00:54:51,131 VERY SPECIAL CHRISTMAS SONG. [MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS] ♪ THERE'S A LITTLE GUY 1496 00:54:51,155 --> 00:54:52,332 [MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS] ♪ THERE'S A LITTLE GUY IN UTAH ♪ 1497 00:54:52,356 --> 00:54:55,101 ♪ THERE'S A LITTLE GUY IN UTAH ♪ ♪ WITH A SINGLE CHRISTMAS WISH ♪ 1498 00:54:55,125 --> 00:54:57,103 IN UTAH ♪ ♪ WITH A SINGLE CHRISTMAS WISH ♪ ♪ FOR ONE SPECIAL THING 1499 00:54:57,127 --> 00:55:01,174 ♪ WITH A SINGLE CHRISTMAS WISH ♪ ♪ FOR ONE SPECIAL THING THAT CAN'T BE SUBSTITUTED ♪ 1500 00:55:01,198 --> 00:55:03,143 ♪ FOR ONE SPECIAL THING THAT CAN'T BE SUBSTITUTED ♪ ♪ DOESN'T WANT TO GET 1501 00:55:03,167 --> 00:55:05,512 THAT CAN'T BE SUBSTITUTED ♪ ♪ DOESN'T WANT TO GET ELECTRIC TRAINS, GET TOYS, 1502 00:55:05,536 --> 00:55:07,180 ♪ DOESN'T WANT TO GET ELECTRIC TRAINS, GET TOYS, OR GET PET FISH ♪ 1503 00:55:07,204 --> 00:55:09,983 ELECTRIC TRAINS, GET TOYS, OR GET PET FISH ♪ ♪ ALL HE REALLY WANTS TO GET 1504 00:55:10,007 --> 00:55:13,453 OR GET PET FISH ♪ ♪ ALL HE REALLY WANTS TO GET IS EXECUTED ♪ 1505 00:55:13,477 --> 00:55:16,923 ♪ ALL HE REALLY WANTS TO GET IS EXECUTED ♪ ♪ SO LET'S KILL GARY GILMORE 1506 00:55:16,947 --> 00:55:19,959 IS EXECUTED ♪ ♪ SO LET'S KILL GARY GILMORE FOR CHRISTMAS ♪ 1507 00:55:19,983 --> 00:55:22,128 ♪ SO LET'S KILL GARY GILMORE FOR CHRISTMAS ♪ ♪ LET'S HANG HIM FROM ATOP 1508 00:55:22,152 --> 00:55:25,599 FOR CHRISTMAS ♪ ♪ LET'S HANG HIM FROM ATOP THE CHRISTMAS TREE ♪ 1509 00:55:25,623 --> 00:55:28,067 ♪ LET'S HANG HIM FROM ATOP THE CHRISTMAS TREE ♪ ♪ LET'S GIVE TO HIM THE ONLY 1510 00:55:28,091 --> 00:55:31,438 THE CHRISTMAS TREE ♪ ♪ LET'S GIVE TO HIM THE ONLY GIFT THAT MONEY CAN'T BUY ♪ 1511 00:55:31,462 --> 00:55:34,274 ♪ LET'S GIVE TO HIM THE ONLY GIFT THAT MONEY CAN'T BUY ♪ ♪ PUT POISON IN HIS EGGNOG, LET 1512 00:55:34,298 --> 00:55:40,046 GIFT THAT MONEY CAN'T BUY ♪ ♪ PUT POISON IN HIS EGGNOG, LET HIM DRINK IT, WATCH HIM DIE ♪ 1513 00:55:40,070 --> 00:55:41,715 ♪ PUT POISON IN HIS EGGNOG, LET HIM DRINK IT, WATCH HIM DIE ♪ LET'S THROW ANOTHER YULE LOG 1514 00:55:41,739 --> 00:55:44,384 HIM DRINK IT, WATCH HIM DIE ♪ LET'S THROW ANOTHER YULE LOG ON THE FIRE... 1515 00:55:44,408 --> 00:55:45,819 LET'S THROW ANOTHER YULE LOG ON THE FIRE... AND THEN LET'S THROW 1516 00:55:45,843 --> 00:55:50,089 ON THE FIRE... AND THEN LET'S THROW GARY GILMORE ON THERE, TOO... 1517 00:55:50,113 --> 00:55:53,059 AND THEN LET'S THROW GARY GILMORE ON THERE, TOO... WITH A RIBBON SO GAY 1518 00:55:53,083 --> 00:55:55,862 GARY GILMORE ON THERE, TOO... WITH A RIBBON SO GAY AND A CARD THAT WILL SAY... 1519 00:55:55,886 --> 00:55:59,032 WITH A RIBBON SO GAY AND A CARD THAT WILL SAY... "DEAR GARY, MERRY CHRISTMAS TO 1520 00:55:59,056 --> 00:56:02,202 AND A CARD THAT WILL SAY... "DEAR GARY, MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU." 1521 00:56:02,226 --> 00:56:03,437 "DEAR GARY, MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU." ♪ IN THE MEADOW, 1522 00:56:03,461 --> 00:56:06,272 YOU." ♪ IN THE MEADOW, WE CAN BUILD A SNOWMAN ♪ 1523 00:56:06,296 --> 00:56:07,708 ♪ IN THE MEADOW, WE CAN BUILD A SNOWMAN ♪ ♪ ONE WITH GARY GILMORE 1524 00:56:07,732 --> 00:56:10,043 WE CAN BUILD A SNOWMAN ♪ ♪ ONE WITH GARY GILMORE PACKED INSIDE ♪ 1525 00:56:10,067 --> 00:56:11,378 ♪ ONE WITH GARY GILMORE PACKED INSIDE ♪ ♪ WE'LL SAY, "ARE YOU DEAD 1526 00:56:11,402 --> 00:56:13,747 PACKED INSIDE ♪ ♪ WE'LL SAY, "ARE YOU DEAD YET?" HE'LL SAY, "NO, MAN" ♪ 1527 00:56:13,771 --> 00:56:15,081 ♪ WE'LL SAY, "ARE YOU DEAD YET?" HE'LL SAY, "NO, MAN" ♪ ♪ BUT WE'LL WAIT OUT THE 1528 00:56:15,105 --> 00:56:18,485 YET?" HE'LL SAY, "NO, MAN" ♪ ♪ BUT WE'LL WAIT OUT THE FROSTBITE TILL HE DIES ♪ 1529 00:56:18,509 --> 00:56:21,254 ♪ BUT WE'LL WAIT OUT THE FROSTBITE TILL HE DIES ♪ ♪ I'VE ONE CHRISTMAS WISH ♪ 1530 00:56:21,278 --> 00:56:26,092 FROSTBITE TILL HE DIES ♪ ♪ I'VE ONE CHRISTMAS WISH ♪ ♪ JUST ASK IT ♪ 1531 00:56:26,116 --> 00:56:28,595 ♪ I'VE ONE CHRISTMAS WISH ♪ ♪ JUST ASK IT ♪ ♪ PLEASE PUT GARY 1532 00:56:28,619 --> 00:56:33,299 ♪ JUST ASK IT ♪ ♪ PLEASE PUT GARY IN A CASKET ♪ 1533 00:56:33,323 --> 00:56:35,836 ♪ PLEASE PUT GARY IN A CASKET ♪ ♪ SO LET'S TOLL 1534 00:56:35,860 --> 00:56:40,841 IN A CASKET ♪ ♪ SO LET'S TOLL THE SILVER BELLS FOR HIM ♪ 1535 00:56:40,865 --> 00:56:43,677 ♪ SO LET'S TOLL THE SILVER BELLS FOR HIM ♪ ♪ WHILE HE CAN STILL HEAR 1536 00:56:43,701 --> 00:56:50,049 THE SILVER BELLS FOR HIM ♪ ♪ WHILE HE CAN STILL HEAR WHAT THEY SAY ♪ 1537 00:56:50,073 --> 00:56:52,285 ♪ WHILE HE CAN STILL HEAR WHAT THEY SAY ♪ ♪ DING-DONG DING-DONG ♪ 1538 00:56:52,309 --> 00:56:58,124 WHAT THEY SAY ♪ ♪ DING-DONG DING-DONG ♪ ♪ YOU'RE DEAD, SO LONG ♪ 1539 00:56:58,148 --> 00:57:03,730 ♪ DING-DONG DING-DONG ♪ ♪ YOU'RE DEAD, SO LONG ♪ ♪ WE CAN THRILL GARY GILMORE ♪ 1540 00:57:03,754 --> 00:57:07,567 ♪ YOU'RE DEAD, SO LONG ♪ ♪ WE CAN THRILL GARY GILMORE ♪ ♪ IF WE KILL GARY GILMORE ♪ 1541 00:57:07,591 --> 00:57:15,591 ♪ WE CAN THRILL GARY GILMORE ♪ ♪ IF WE KILL GARY GILMORE ♪ ♪ ON THIS CHRISTMAS DAY ♪ 1542 00:57:18,268 --> 00:57:21,188 ♪ IF WE KILL GARY GILMORE ♪ ♪ ON THIS CHRISTMAS DAY ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1543 00:57:24,307 --> 00:57:28,321 Announcer: AND NOW HERE'S FRANK ZAPPA WITH "PEACHES EN REGALIA." 1544 00:57:28,345 --> 00:57:30,945 FRANK ZAPPA WITH "PEACHES EN REGALIA." ["PEACHES EN REGALIA" PLAYS] 1545 01:00:53,549 --> 01:00:57,519 [SONG ENDS] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1546 01:01:14,137 --> 01:01:15,937 [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] 1547 01:01:32,388 --> 01:01:38,204 WE'RE ON? OH, WELL, ON BEHALF OF THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" CREW AND MYSELF 1548 01:01:38,228 --> 01:01:40,740 OH, WELL, ON BEHALF OF THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" CREW AND MYSELF AND ALL GOOD PEOPLE EVERYWHERE, 1549 01:01:40,764 --> 01:01:42,241 "SATURDAY NIGHT" CREW AND MYSELF AND ALL GOOD PEOPLE EVERYWHERE, MERRY CHRISTMAS. 1550 01:01:42,265 --> 01:01:44,477 AND ALL GOOD PEOPLE EVERYWHERE, MERRY CHRISTMAS. AND WE'RE ALL SKATING HERE. 1551 01:01:44,501 --> 01:01:46,579 MERRY CHRISTMAS. AND WE'RE ALL SKATING HERE. AND, UM... 1552 01:01:46,603 --> 01:01:50,116 AND WE'RE ALL SKATING HERE. AND, UM... WELL, BE NICE TO EVERYONE. 1553 01:01:50,140 --> 01:01:53,419 AND, UM... WELL, BE NICE TO EVERYONE. AND... AND KEEP TALKING. 1554 01:01:53,443 --> 01:01:55,221 WELL, BE NICE TO EVERYONE. AND... AND KEEP TALKING. [LAUGHS] 1555 01:01:55,245 --> 01:01:57,157 AND... AND KEEP TALKING. [LAUGHS] MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM GILDA AND 1556 01:01:57,181 --> 01:01:59,125 [LAUGHS] MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM GILDA AND DANNY AND JOHN AND LARAINE AND 1557 01:01:59,149 --> 01:02:02,562 MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM GILDA AND DANNY AND JOHN AND LARAINE AND JANE AND LORNE AND GARRETT AND 1558 01:02:02,586 --> 01:02:06,066 DANNY AND JOHN AND LARAINE AND JANE AND LORNE AND GARRETT AND DAVEY... THIS IS SUCH AN UNFAIR 1559 01:02:06,090 --> 01:02:09,102 JANE AND LORNE AND GARRETT AND DAVEY... THIS IS SUCH AN UNFAIR THING TO DO TO ME. 1560 01:02:09,126 --> 01:02:12,672 DAVEY... THIS IS SUCH AN UNFAIR THING TO DO TO ME. CAN I SKATE NOW? 1561 01:02:12,696 --> 01:02:14,540 THING TO DO TO ME. CAN I SKATE NOW? OH, THE TREE HERE... 1562 01:02:14,564 --> 01:02:17,343 CAN I SKATE NOW? OH, THE TREE HERE... THE TREE HERE IS THE ROCKEFELLER 1563 01:02:17,367 --> 01:02:18,611 OH, THE TREE HERE... THE TREE HERE IS THE ROCKEFELLER CENTER TREE. 1564 01:02:18,635 --> 01:02:20,246 THE TREE HERE IS THE ROCKEFELLER CENTER TREE. WE ALL SAW IT BEING LIT. 1565 01:02:20,270 --> 01:02:22,182 CENTER TREE. WE ALL SAW IT BEING LIT. HEY, YOU GUYS COULD COME HERE 1566 01:02:22,206 --> 01:02:24,117 WE ALL SAW IT BEING LIT. HEY, YOU GUYS COULD COME HERE AND HELP ME FILL SPACE ON THE 1567 01:02:24,141 --> 01:02:25,551 HEY, YOU GUYS COULD COME HERE AND HELP ME FILL SPACE ON THE CLOSING OF THE SHOW. 1568 01:02:25,575 --> 01:02:27,187 AND HELP ME FILL SPACE ON THE CLOSING OF THE SHOW. COME HERE, JOHN. 1569 01:02:27,211 --> 01:02:28,788 CLOSING OF THE SHOW. COME HERE, JOHN. COME HERE AND TALK. 1570 01:02:28,812 --> 01:02:31,124 COME HERE, JOHN. COME HERE AND TALK. NOW WE'RE GOING TO SKATE FOR 1571 01:02:31,148 --> 01:02:33,760 COME HERE AND TALK. NOW WE'RE GOING TO SKATE FOR YOU, AND HERE WE ARE. 1572 01:02:33,784 --> 01:02:35,729 NOW WE'RE GOING TO SKATE FOR YOU, AND HERE WE ARE. OH, BOY. 1573 01:02:35,753 --> 01:02:38,086 YOU, AND HERE WE ARE. OH, BOY. [BAND PLAYS] 1574 01:04:45,181 --> 01:04:46,681 Announcer: NBC's "SATURDAY 1575 01:04:46,815 --> 01:04:48,383 NIGHT" WILL RETURN LIVE JANUARY 1576 01:04:48,517 --> 01:04:50,352 15, 1977. 1577 01:04:50,486 --> 01:04:52,620 BUT NEVER FEAR... WE'LL BE WITH 1578 01:04:52,755 --> 01:04:54,622 YOU AS WE REPEAT SHOWS WITH 1579 01:04:54,757 --> 01:04:56,892 MADELINE KAHN ON DECEMBER 18th, 1580 01:04:57,026 --> 01:04:59,427 ELLIOTT GOULD ON DECEMBER 25th, 1581 01:04:59,561 --> 01:05:01,529 AND RICHARD PRYOR ON JANUARY 1582 01:05:01,663 --> 01:05:02,097 8th. 1583 01:05:02,231 --> 01:05:04,032 IN THE MEANTIME, THIS IS THE 1584 01:05:04,166 --> 01:05:05,700 GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST, 1585 01:05:05,834 --> 01:05:07,635 DON PARDO, WISHING YOU HAPPY 1586 01:05:07,770 --> 01:05:11,072 HOLIDAYS AND SAYING GOOD NIGHT. 1587 01:05:11,207 --> 01:05:13,441 ♪ JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS! ♪ 1588 01:05:13,575 --> 01:05:15,377 ♪ JINGLE ALL THE WAY! ♪ 1589 01:05:15,511 --> 01:05:17,379 ♪ OH, WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE ♪ 1590 01:05:17,513 --> 01:05:19,981 ♪ IN A ONE-HORSE OPEN SLEIGH! ♪ 1591 01:05:20,116 --> 01:05:22,650 OH, I'M THE SLIME! 1592 01:05:22,785 --> 01:05:25,153 I WAS THE SLIME! 1593 01:05:25,288 --> 01:05:27,923 JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS, AND 1594 01:05:28,057 --> 01:05:30,225 HAPPY HOLIDAYS, EVERYBODY! 1595 01:06:05,227 --> 01:06:06,394 [High-pitched] ♪ O 1596 01:06:06,528 --> 01:06:12,200 TANNENBAUM, O TANNENBAUM ♪ 173046