All language subtitles for SNL S02E07 Dick Cavett.DVDRip.HI.RLP.cc.en.UNVSL

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,967 --> 00:00:01,967 Announcer: AND NOW, 2 00:00:02,068 --> 00:00:03,268 GILDA RADNER SPEAKS OUT FOR 3 00:00:03,403 --> 00:00:04,636 CHROMA-TRAK. 4 00:00:04,770 --> 00:00:06,738 MY HAIR IS RED. 5 00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:13,790 MY EYES ARE BLUE. MY SCARF IS YELLOW. THE PEOPLE AT CHROMA-TRAK PAID 6 00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:16,659 MY SCARF IS YELLOW. THE PEOPLE AT CHROMA-TRAK PAID ME A LOT OF MONEY TO TELL YOU 7 00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:20,097 THE PEOPLE AT CHROMA-TRAK PAID ME A LOT OF MONEY TO TELL YOU THAT MY TOP IS GREEN. 8 00:00:20,121 --> 00:00:20,797 ME A LOT OF MONEY TO TELL YOU THAT MY TOP IS GREEN. GREEN? 9 00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:22,065 THAT MY TOP IS GREEN. GREEN? MY BELT IS BLACK. 10 00:00:22,089 --> 00:00:23,266 GREEN? MY BELT IS BLACK. I'LL BE DOGGONE. 11 00:00:23,290 --> 00:00:26,069 MY BELT IS BLACK. I'LL BE DOGGONE. MY GLOVES ARE BROWN. 12 00:00:26,093 --> 00:00:30,340 I'LL BE DOGGONE. MY GLOVES ARE BROWN. I JUST PAID $600 FOR THIS. 13 00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:35,012 MY GLOVES ARE BROWN. I JUST PAID $600 FOR THIS. [SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY] 14 00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:38,148 I JUST PAID $600 FOR THIS. [SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY] $600! 15 00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:39,938 [SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY] $600! $600! 16 00:00:45,011 --> 00:00:52,162 LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 17 00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:54,653 "SATURDAY NIGHT"! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [BAND PLAYS] 18 00:00:59,426 --> 00:01:06,631 Announcer: NBC's "SATURDAY NIGHT." STARRING... 19 00:01:17,843 --> 00:01:19,611 WITH SPECIAL GUEST... 20 00:01:28,654 --> 00:01:32,124 AND THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME PLAYERS... 21 00:01:47,907 --> 00:01:54,113 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, DICK CAVETT! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 22 00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:20,783 THANK YOU, THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. SAY, IT'S NICE OF YOU TO BE 23 00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:22,752 AND GENTLEMEN. SAY, IT'S NICE OF YOU TO BE HERE, AND IT'S NICE OF ME TO BE 24 00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:23,286 SAY, IT'S NICE OF YOU TO BE HERE, AND IT'S NICE OF ME TO BE HERE. 25 00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:24,988 HERE, AND IT'S NICE OF ME TO BE HERE. YOU MAY WONDER WHAT I MEAN BY 26 00:02:25,012 --> 00:02:26,523 HERE. YOU MAY WONDER WHAT I MEAN BY THAT, BUT THE FACT IS THE 27 00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:27,724 YOU MAY WONDER WHAT I MEAN BY THAT, BUT THE FACT IS THE PRODUCER CALLED ME, 28 00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:29,426 THAT, BUT THE FACT IS THE PRODUCER CALLED ME, MR. MICHAELS, QUITE AGITATED. 29 00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:30,860 PRODUCER CALLED ME, MR. MICHAELS, QUITE AGITATED. IF YOU READ TV GUIDE, DON'T 30 00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:32,529 MR. MICHAELS, QUITE AGITATED. IF YOU READ TV GUIDE, DON'T COMPLAIN TO THEM BECAUSE IT SAYS 31 00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:34,030 IF YOU READ TV GUIDE, DON'T COMPLAIN TO THEM BECAUSE IT SAYS THAT ELLIOTT GOULD IS HOSTING 32 00:02:34,054 --> 00:02:34,631 COMPLAIN TO THEM BECAUSE IT SAYS THAT ELLIOTT GOULD IS HOSTING TONIGHT. 33 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:35,965 THAT ELLIOTT GOULD IS HOSTING TONIGHT. ELLIOTT WAS GOING TO HOST 34 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,567 TONIGHT. ELLIOTT WAS GOING TO HOST TONIGHT, BUT THEY CALLED ME AND 35 00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:38,868 ELLIOTT WAS GOING TO HOST TONIGHT, BUT THEY CALLED ME AND SAID, "CAN YOU COME IN?" 36 00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:40,270 TONIGHT, BUT THEY CALLED ME AND SAID, "CAN YOU COME IN?" THIS WAS NOT TO BE MY WEEK, 37 00:02:40,294 --> 00:02:42,005 SAID, "CAN YOU COME IN?" THIS WAS NOT TO BE MY WEEK, BECAUSE ELLIOTT ACTUALLY... 38 00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:43,940 THIS WAS NOT TO BE MY WEEK, BECAUSE ELLIOTT ACTUALLY... EVERYTHING WAS READY TO GO, AND 39 00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:45,842 BECAUSE ELLIOTT ACTUALLY... EVERYTHING WAS READY TO GO, AND HIS DOCTOR ADVISED HIM THAT HE 40 00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:47,644 EVERYTHING WAS READY TO GO, AND HIS DOCTOR ADVISED HIM THAT HE COULD MAKE A GREAT DEAL MORE 41 00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,646 HIS DOCTOR ADVISED HIM THAT HE COULD MAKE A GREAT DEAL MORE MONEY ON THE "OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN 42 00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:51,648 COULD MAKE A GREAT DEAL MORE MONEY ON THE "OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN SPECIAL." 43 00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,583 MONEY ON THE "OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN SPECIAL." SO HE ISN'T HERE, BUT I REALLY 44 00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:55,452 SPECIAL." SO HE ISN'T HERE, BUT I REALLY DID LEAP INTO THE BREACH, AND 45 00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:57,454 SO HE ISN'T HERE, BUT I REALLY DID LEAP INTO THE BREACH, AND THANK YOU FOR... AND TO ELLIOTT 46 00:02:57,478 --> 00:02:59,356 DID LEAP INTO THE BREACH, AND THANK YOU FOR... AND TO ELLIOTT FANS, I'LL DO THE BEST I CAN. 47 00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:00,757 THANK YOU FOR... AND TO ELLIOTT FANS, I'LL DO THE BEST I CAN. WE HAD THESE CARDS HANDED OUT 48 00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:02,192 FANS, I'LL DO THE BEST I CAN. WE HAD THESE CARDS HANDED OUT BECAUSE I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO 49 00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:03,726 WE HAD THESE CARDS HANDED OUT BECAUSE I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW WHAT THE AUDIENCE THINKS IN 50 00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:05,061 BECAUSE I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW WHAT THE AUDIENCE THINKS IN THIS... COMES TO THIS SHOW. 51 00:03:05,085 --> 00:03:06,329 KNOW WHAT THE AUDIENCE THINKS IN THIS... COMES TO THIS SHOW. AND ALSO, I THOUGHT HAVING A 52 00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:07,730 THIS... COMES TO THIS SHOW. AND ALSO, I THOUGHT HAVING A CARD THAT SAY "I WOULD LIKE TO 53 00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:09,065 AND ALSO, I THOUGHT HAVING A CARD THAT SAY "I WOULD LIKE TO ASK DICK CAVETT THE FOLLOWING 54 00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:10,367 CARD THAT SAY "I WOULD LIKE TO ASK DICK CAVETT THE FOLLOWING QUESTION" WOULD MAKE IT QUITE 55 00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:11,734 ASK DICK CAVETT THE FOLLOWING QUESTION" WOULD MAKE IT QUITE CLEAR WHO THE HOST IS TONIGHT. 56 00:03:11,758 --> 00:03:14,037 QUESTION" WOULD MAKE IT QUITE CLEAR WHO THE HOST IS TONIGHT. SO, I'LL JUST RUN THROUGH THESE. 57 00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:15,639 CLEAR WHO THE HOST IS TONIGHT. SO, I'LL JUST RUN THROUGH THESE. "HOW DID IT FEEL BEING MARRIED 58 00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:19,909 SO, I'LL JUST RUN THROUGH THESE. "HOW DID IT FEEL BEING MARRIED TO BARBRA STREISAND?" 59 00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:21,311 "HOW DID IT FEEL BEING MARRIED TO BARBRA STREISAND?" "HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THERAPY? 60 00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:22,245 TO BARBRA STREISAND?" "HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THERAPY? WE'RE AVAILABLE FOR 61 00:03:22,269 --> 00:03:22,945 "HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THERAPY? WE'RE AVAILABLE FOR CONSULTATION. 62 00:03:22,969 --> 00:03:23,880 WE'RE AVAILABLE FOR CONSULTATION. MARTY STEINBERG AND 63 00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:24,814 CONSULTATION. MARTY STEINBERG AND DEBBIE LAMBERTI..." 64 00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:26,015 MARTY STEINBERG AND DEBBIE LAMBERTI..." ARE YOU HERE? 65 00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:27,016 DEBBIE LAMBERTI..." ARE YOU HERE? OH, YEAH? 66 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,851 ARE YOU HERE? OH, YEAH? LEAVE A PICTURE OF YOUR COUCH, 67 00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:29,619 OH, YEAH? LEAVE A PICTURE OF YOUR COUCH, WOULD YOU? 68 00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:31,454 LEAVE A PICTURE OF YOUR COUCH, WOULD YOU? "DO YOU ENJOY LIVE AUDIENCES?" 69 00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:33,290 WOULD YOU? "DO YOU ENJOY LIVE AUDIENCES?" YES, IN FACT, WE'RE THINKING OF 70 00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:36,293 "DO YOU ENJOY LIVE AUDIENCES?" YES, IN FACT, WE'RE THINKING OF BRINGING ONE IN HERE. 71 00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:37,794 YES, IN FACT, WE'RE THINKING OF BRINGING ONE IN HERE. OH, I'M SORRY, I THINK YOU'RE 72 00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:38,595 BRINGING ONE IN HERE. OH, I'M SORRY, I THINK YOU'RE GONNA BE OKAY. 73 00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:40,230 OH, I'M SORRY, I THINK YOU'RE GONNA BE OKAY. "WE KNOW YOUR WIFE IS A BROADWAY 74 00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:40,797 GONNA BE OKAY. "WE KNOW YOUR WIFE IS A BROADWAY ACTRESS. 75 00:03:40,821 --> 00:03:42,399 "WE KNOW YOUR WIFE IS A BROADWAY ACTRESS. YOU NEVER TALK ABOUT HER ON TV." 76 00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:43,733 ACTRESS. YOU NEVER TALK ABOUT HER ON TV." I DON'T SEE WHY I SHOULD. 77 00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:45,168 YOU NEVER TALK ABOUT HER ON TV." I DON'T SEE WHY I SHOULD. SHE NEVER MENTIONS ME IN HER 78 00:03:45,192 --> 00:03:48,605 I DON'T SEE WHY I SHOULD. SHE NEVER MENTIONS ME IN HER PLAYS. 79 00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:49,606 SHE NEVER MENTIONS ME IN HER PLAYS. OH, THERE'S MORE. 80 00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:51,241 PLAYS. OH, THERE'S MORE. "HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE MARRIED 81 00:03:51,265 --> 00:03:52,742 OH, THERE'S MORE. "HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE MARRIED TO A BEAUTIFUL BLONDE DISH?" 82 00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:55,612 "HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE MARRIED TO A BEAUTIFUL BLONDE DISH?" YOU'D HAVE TO ASK HER. 83 00:03:55,636 --> 00:03:57,647 TO A BEAUTIFUL BLONDE DISH?" YOU'D HAVE TO ASK HER. [AUDIENCE GROANS] 84 00:03:57,671 --> 00:03:58,682 YOU'D HAVE TO ASK HER. [AUDIENCE GROANS] "FIRST YOU APPEAR ON 85 00:03:58,706 --> 00:04:00,149 [AUDIENCE GROANS] "FIRST YOU APPEAR ON 'THE BIG EVENT' AND NOW THIS. 86 00:04:00,173 --> 00:04:01,484 "FIRST YOU APPEAR ON 'THE BIG EVENT' AND NOW THIS. DON'T YOU HAVE ANY TASTE?" 87 00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:03,653 'THE BIG EVENT' AND NOW THIS. DON'T YOU HAVE ANY TASTE?" [LAUGHTER] 88 00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:04,954 DON'T YOU HAVE ANY TASTE?" [LAUGHTER] LISTEN, A LOT OF SHOWS, IT'S 89 00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:06,022 [LAUGHTER] LISTEN, A LOT OF SHOWS, IT'S BETTER TO BE ON THEM. 90 00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:07,357 LISTEN, A LOT OF SHOWS, IT'S BETTER TO BE ON THEM. THEY HAVE TO WATCH THEM, AND 91 00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:08,491 BETTER TO BE ON THEM. THEY HAVE TO WATCH THEM, AND IT'S A BIG ADVANTAGE. 92 00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:09,959 THEY HAVE TO WATCH THEM, AND IT'S A BIG ADVANTAGE. THIS SHOW'S FUN 'CAUSE YOU GET A 93 00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:11,228 IT'S A BIG ADVANTAGE. THIS SHOW'S FUN 'CAUSE YOU GET A LOT OF EXERCISE, YOU GET NO 94 00:04:11,252 --> 00:04:12,596 THIS SHOW'S FUN 'CAUSE YOU GET A LOT OF EXERCISE, YOU GET NO REHEARSAL, YOU RUN FROM SET TO 95 00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:13,930 LOT OF EXERCISE, YOU GET NO REHEARSAL, YOU RUN FROM SET TO SET, AND THE NEXT DAY YOU GET 96 00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:15,232 REHEARSAL, YOU RUN FROM SET TO SET, AND THE NEXT DAY YOU GET EXERCISE 'CAUSE PEOPLE THROW 97 00:04:15,256 --> 00:04:16,533 SET, AND THE NEXT DAY YOU GET EXERCISE 'CAUSE PEOPLE THROW THINGS AT YOU ON THE STREET. 98 00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:17,734 EXERCISE 'CAUSE PEOPLE THROW THINGS AT YOU ON THE STREET. THIS IS A FUN SHOW TO DO. 99 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:18,801 THINGS AT YOU ON THE STREET. THIS IS A FUN SHOW TO DO. "HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE SO 100 00:04:18,825 --> 00:04:20,903 THIS IS A FUN SHOW TO DO. "HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE SO SHORT... 101 00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:23,773 "HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE SO SHORT... IN A WORLD OF MENTAL G-A-I..." 102 00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:24,974 SHORT... IN A WORLD OF MENTAL G-A-I..." YOU PROBABLY MEANT "GIANTS," 103 00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:28,578 IN A WORLD OF MENTAL G-A-I..." YOU PROBABLY MEANT "GIANTS," DID YOU? 104 00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,480 YOU PROBABLY MEANT "GIANTS," DID YOU? "I DON'T LIKE TO COME TO YOUR 105 00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:31,514 DID YOU? "I DON'T LIKE TO COME TO YOUR TOWN ANYMORE. 106 00:04:31,538 --> 00:04:33,416 "I DON'T LIKE TO COME TO YOUR TOWN ANYMORE. WHAT MAKES NEW YORK SO CRUMMY 107 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:34,384 TOWN ANYMORE. WHAT MAKES NEW YORK SO CRUMMY THESE DAYS?" 108 00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:36,919 WHAT MAKES NEW YORK SO CRUMMY THESE DAYS?" UH, TOURISTS. 109 00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:43,025 THESE DAYS?" UH, TOURISTS. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] 110 00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:46,129 UH, TOURISTS. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] THANK YOU, I MUST REMEMBER THAT. 111 00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:47,497 [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] THANK YOU, I MUST REMEMBER THAT. THIS SAYS, "WOULD YOU PATRONIZE 112 00:04:47,521 --> 00:04:48,298 THANK YOU, I MUST REMEMBER THAT. THIS SAYS, "WOULD YOU PATRONIZE A STREETWALKER?" 113 00:04:48,322 --> 00:04:49,532 THIS SAYS, "WOULD YOU PATRONIZE A STREETWALKER?" NO, I WOULD TREAT HER AS AN 114 00:04:49,556 --> 00:04:53,637 A STREETWALKER?" NO, I WOULD TREAT HER AS AN EQUAL. 115 00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:55,171 NO, I WOULD TREAT HER AS AN EQUAL. I DON'T KNOW... THERE'S A THEME 116 00:04:55,195 --> 00:04:56,306 EQUAL. I DON'T KNOW... THERE'S A THEME RUNNING THROUGH THESE. 117 00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:57,540 I DON'T KNOW... THERE'S A THEME RUNNING THROUGH THESE. "HAVE YOU EVER COMMITTED 118 00:04:57,564 --> 00:04:58,708 RUNNING THROUGH THESE. "HAVE YOU EVER COMMITTED ADULTERY IN YOUR MIND?" 119 00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:02,945 "HAVE YOU EVER COMMITTED ADULTERY IN YOUR MIND?" UM, NOT IN MY MIND. 120 00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:05,248 ADULTERY IN YOUR MIND?" UM, NOT IN MY MIND. IT'S FAR TOO CROWDED THERE. 121 00:05:05,272 --> 00:05:07,016 UM, NOT IN MY MIND. IT'S FAR TOO CROWDED THERE. "WHO DO YOU THINK HAS THE MOST 122 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:08,518 IT'S FAR TOO CROWDED THERE. "WHO DO YOU THINK HAS THE MOST CHARISMA BETWEEN FORD AND 123 00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:09,185 "WHO DO YOU THINK HAS THE MOST CHARISMA BETWEEN FORD AND CARTER?" 124 00:05:09,209 --> 00:05:10,953 CHARISMA BETWEEN FORD AND CARTER?" ACTUALLY, ANYBODY BETWEEN FORD 125 00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:12,822 CARTER?" ACTUALLY, ANYBODY BETWEEN FORD AND CARTER... 126 00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:15,124 ACTUALLY, ANYBODY BETWEEN FORD AND CARTER... WOULD APPEAR TO HAVE CHARISMA. 127 00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:16,993 AND CARTER... WOULD APPEAR TO HAVE CHARISMA. [APPLAUSE] 128 00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:18,395 WOULD APPEAR TO HAVE CHARISMA. [APPLAUSE] "I HEAR YOU WERE IN A 129 00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:19,829 [APPLAUSE] "I HEAR YOU WERE IN A COMMERCIAL... WHICH?" 130 00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:21,230 "I HEAR YOU WERE IN A COMMERCIAL... WHICH?" I ASSUMED EVERYBODY KNEW THIS. 131 00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:23,466 COMMERCIAL... WHICH?" I ASSUMED EVERYBODY KNEW THIS. I'M THE PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY. 132 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,335 I ASSUMED EVERYBODY KNEW THIS. I'M THE PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY. "IS THERE ANY COMMERCIAL YOU 133 00:05:25,359 --> 00:05:26,369 I'M THE PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY. "IS THERE ANY COMMERCIAL YOU WOULDN'T DO?" 134 00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:28,338 "IS THERE ANY COMMERCIAL YOU WOULDN'T DO?" I WOULD NOT BE THAT GUY IN THE 135 00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:30,106 WOULDN'T DO?" I WOULD NOT BE THAT GUY IN THE TOILET IN THE LITTLE BOAT. 136 00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:31,541 I WOULD NOT BE THAT GUY IN THE TOILET IN THE LITTLE BOAT. HE'S NOT THE ONLY PERSON IN 137 00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:33,209 TOILET IN THE LITTLE BOAT. HE'S NOT THE ONLY PERSON IN TELEVISION WHOSE CAREER'S IN THE 138 00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:34,877 HE'S NOT THE ONLY PERSON IN TELEVISION WHOSE CAREER'S IN THE TOILET, BUT HE'S MAKING MONEY ON 139 00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:35,244 TELEVISION WHOSE CAREER'S IN THE TOILET, BUT HE'S MAKING MONEY ON IT. 140 00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:37,113 TOILET, BUT HE'S MAKING MONEY ON IT. "WITH WHAT FRATERNITY WERE YOU 141 00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:38,448 IT. "WITH WHAT FRATERNITY WERE YOU AFFILIATED AT YALE?" 142 00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:39,549 "WITH WHAT FRATERNITY WERE YOU AFFILIATED AT YALE?" I WASN'T IN ONE. 143 00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:41,518 AFFILIATED AT YALE?" I WASN'T IN ONE. I JUST DON'T LIKE THE IDEA OF... 144 00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:43,486 I WASN'T IN ONE. I JUST DON'T LIKE THE IDEA OF... I COULDN'T AFFORD IT, IS WHAT IT 145 00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:43,953 I JUST DON'T LIKE THE IDEA OF... I COULDN'T AFFORD IT, IS WHAT IT WAS. 146 00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:45,822 I COULDN'T AFFORD IT, IS WHAT IT WAS. BUT MY ROOMMATES AND I HAD THE 147 00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:47,691 WAS. BUT MY ROOMMATES AND I HAD THE SAME FUN AS IF WE WERE IN ONE. 148 00:05:47,715 --> 00:05:49,158 BUT MY ROOMMATES AND I HAD THE SAME FUN AS IF WE WERE IN ONE. WE, YOU KNOW, WOULD GET NUDE AND 149 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,560 SAME FUN AS IF WE WERE IN ONE. WE, YOU KNOW, WOULD GET NUDE AND DRINK BEER AND THROW UP ON EACH 150 00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:53,530 WE, YOU KNOW, WOULD GET NUDE AND DRINK BEER AND THROW UP ON EACH OTHER. 151 00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:55,498 DRINK BEER AND THROW UP ON EACH OTHER. [APPLAUSE] 152 00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:56,999 OTHER. [APPLAUSE] "DO YOU BELIEVE IN DéJà VE OR 153 00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:57,367 [APPLAUSE] "DO YOU BELIEVE IN DéJà VE OR VU? 154 00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:58,901 "DO YOU BELIEVE IN DéJà VE OR VU? IF YOU DO, WAS THERE ANYTHING 155 00:05:58,925 --> 00:06:00,370 VU? IF YOU DO, WAS THERE ANYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED IN YOUR PAST 156 00:06:00,394 --> 00:06:01,738 IF YOU DO, WAS THERE ANYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED IN YOUR PAST THAT'S RECURRED RECENTLY?" 157 00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:02,872 THAT'S HAPPENED IN YOUR PAST THAT'S RECURRED RECENTLY?" NO, I WISH THERE WERE. 158 00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:04,441 THAT'S RECURRED RECENTLY?" NO, I WISH THERE WERE. "DO YOU BELIEVE IN DéJà VE OR 159 00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,175 NO, I WISH THERE WERE. "DO YOU BELIEVE IN DéJà VE OR VU..." 160 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:08,077 "DO YOU BELIEVE IN DéJà VE OR VU..." [LAUGHTER] 161 00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:10,112 VU..." [LAUGHTER] LADY SAYS, "PLEASE TAKE YOUR 162 00:06:10,136 --> 00:06:11,314 [LAUGHTER] LADY SAYS, "PLEASE TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF. CATHY." 163 00:06:11,338 --> 00:06:12,915 LADY SAYS, "PLEASE TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF. CATHY." I'LL MAKE A DEAL WITH YOU, 164 00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:13,516 SHIRT OFF. CATHY." I'LL MAKE A DEAL WITH YOU, CATHY. 165 00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:15,218 I'LL MAKE A DEAL WITH YOU, CATHY. "YOU'VE HAD BARBARA WALTERS. 166 00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:17,119 CATHY. "YOU'VE HAD BARBARA WALTERS. IS SHE WORTH $5 MILLION?" 167 00:06:17,143 --> 00:06:19,522 "YOU'VE HAD BARBARA WALTERS. IS SHE WORTH $5 MILLION?" [LAUGHTER] 168 00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:21,257 IS SHE WORTH $5 MILLION?" [LAUGHTER] SHALL I SKIP ON DOWN HERE? 169 00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:21,825 [LAUGHTER] SHALL I SKIP ON DOWN HERE? OKAY. 170 00:06:21,849 --> 00:06:23,292 SHALL I SKIP ON DOWN HERE? OKAY. I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS. 171 00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:25,228 OKAY. I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS. IN ALL THE TIME I'VE BEEN ASKED 172 00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:27,096 I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS. IN ALL THE TIME I'VE BEEN ASKED QUESTIONS... "ARE YOU HUNG IN 173 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:28,832 IN ALL THE TIME I'VE BEEN ASKED QUESTIONS... "ARE YOU HUNG IN PROPORTION TO YOUR HEIGHT?" 174 00:06:28,856 --> 00:06:31,496 QUESTIONS... "ARE YOU HUNG IN PROPORTION TO YOUR HEIGHT?" [LAUGHTER] 175 00:06:37,029 --> 00:06:41,043 YOU WANT TO SEE IF IT'S ON THERE? THE RATIO IS 5 TO 1, BUT I'M NOT 176 00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:42,512 THERE? THE RATIO IS 5 TO 1, BUT I'M NOT SAYING WHICH WAY. 177 00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:45,448 THE RATIO IS 5 TO 1, BUT I'M NOT SAYING WHICH WAY. IT'S RIDICULOUS. 178 00:06:45,472 --> 00:06:46,850 SAYING WHICH WAY. IT'S RIDICULOUS. "HOW DO YOU GET A DATE WITH 179 00:06:46,874 --> 00:06:47,751 IT'S RIDICULOUS. "HOW DO YOU GET A DATE WITH ROBERT REDFORD?" 180 00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:49,318 "HOW DO YOU GET A DATE WITH ROBERT REDFORD?" I USUALLY DRESS SEXY AND HINT A 181 00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:49,686 ROBERT REDFORD?" I USUALLY DRESS SEXY AND HINT A LOT. 182 00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:50,854 I USUALLY DRESS SEXY AND HINT A LOT. SAY, YOU'RE WONDERFUL. 183 00:06:50,878 --> 00:06:52,355 LOT. SAY, YOU'RE WONDERFUL. LET'S DO THIS ALL AGAIN, SHALL 184 00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:52,689 SAY, YOU'RE WONDERFUL. LET'S DO THIS ALL AGAIN, SHALL WE? 185 00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:54,156 LET'S DO THIS ALL AGAIN, SHALL WE? WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS 186 00:06:54,180 --> 00:06:54,724 WE? WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS MESSAGE. 187 00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:56,726 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS MESSAGE. STAY WHERE YOU ARE. 188 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,750 MESSAGE. STAY WHERE YOU ARE. [APPLAUSE] 189 00:07:03,956 --> 00:07:08,872 "CANINE." DOUBLE-WORD SCORE, 21 POINTS. GOOD. 190 00:07:08,896 --> 00:07:10,273 DOUBLE-WORD SCORE, 21 POINTS. GOOD. CANINE. 191 00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:12,475 GOOD. CANINE. GEE, SPARKY SEEMS SO DULL AND 192 00:07:12,499 --> 00:07:13,810 CANINE. GEE, SPARKY SEEMS SO DULL AND LISTLESS LATELY. 193 00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:15,378 GEE, SPARKY SEEMS SO DULL AND LISTLESS LATELY. I WONDER IF ANYTHING'S WRONG 194 00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:16,045 LISTLESS LATELY. I WONDER IF ANYTHING'S WRONG WITH HIM. 195 00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:17,647 I WONDER IF ANYTHING'S WRONG WITH HIM. MY DOG, SKIPPY, USED TO BE 196 00:07:17,671 --> 00:07:19,215 WITH HIM. MY DOG, SKIPPY, USED TO BE LIKE THAT UNTIL I FOUND OUT 197 00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:21,316 MY DOG, SKIPPY, USED TO BE LIKE THAT UNTIL I FOUND OUT ABOUT PUPPY UPPERS. 198 00:07:21,340 --> 00:07:23,107 PUPPY UPPERS PEP UP YOUR POOCH. 199 00:07:23,242 --> 00:07:24,776 PLUS, THEY HELP CONTROL HIS 200 00:07:24,911 --> 00:07:25,410 WEIGHT. 201 00:07:25,545 --> 00:07:27,446 PUPPY UPPERS. 202 00:07:27,580 --> 00:07:28,747 MIND IF I TRY ONE? 203 00:07:28,881 --> 00:07:30,248 GO RIGHT AHEAD. 204 00:07:30,516 --> 00:07:37,099 MMM. SPARKY. [BARKS] 205 00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:38,034 SPARKY. [BARKS] "BONE." 206 00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:39,502 [BARKS] "BONE." TRIPLE-WORD SCORE. 207 00:07:39,526 --> 00:07:40,904 "BONE." TRIPLE-WORD SCORE. THAT'S 25 POINTS. 208 00:07:40,928 --> 00:07:42,038 TRIPLE-WORD SCORE. THAT'S 25 POINTS. VERY GOOD. 209 00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:43,105 THAT'S 25 POINTS. VERY GOOD. [BARKING] 210 00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:44,974 VERY GOOD. [BARKING] OKAY. OKAY, SPARKY! 211 00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:46,976 [BARKING] OKAY. OKAY, SPARKY! HERE'S YOUR PUPPY UPPER. 212 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:50,647 OKAY. OKAY, SPARKY! HERE'S YOUR PUPPY UPPER. [WHIMPERING] 213 00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:52,615 HERE'S YOUR PUPPY UPPER. [WHIMPERING] MAYBE IT'S ME, JILL, BUT I 214 00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:54,383 [WHIMPERING] MAYBE IT'S ME, JILL, BUT I THINK SPARKY'S PERKED UP A 215 00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:55,585 MAYBE IT'S ME, JILL, BUT I THINK SPARKY'S PERKED UP A LITTLE TOO MUCH. 216 00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:57,820 THINK SPARKY'S PERKED UP A LITTLE TOO MUCH. NO ARGUMENT THERE, JOY. 217 00:07:57,844 --> 00:07:59,010 YOU KNOW, WHEN MY SKIPPY GETS 218 00:07:59,144 --> 00:08:00,879 A LITTLE TOO FRISKY, I GIVE HIM 219 00:08:01,013 --> 00:08:03,715 THESE... DOGGIE DOWNERS. 220 00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:05,617 "DOGGIE DOWNERS. 221 00:08:05,751 --> 00:08:07,552 MELLOWS OUT YOUR MUTT." 222 00:08:07,687 --> 00:08:09,020 MIND IF I TRY ONE? 223 00:08:09,154 --> 00:08:10,789 GO RIGHT AHEAD. 224 00:08:10,923 --> 00:08:12,824 HMM. 225 00:08:12,959 --> 00:08:16,260 [WHIMPERS] 226 00:08:16,395 --> 00:08:18,463 [THUD] 227 00:08:18,598 --> 00:08:21,065 THAT'S PUPPY UPPERS FOR WHEN 228 00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:23,001 YOUR DOG IS LIKE THIS. 229 00:08:23,135 --> 00:08:25,336 AND DOGGIE DOWNERS FOR WHEN 230 00:08:25,471 --> 00:08:27,606 YOUR DOG IS LIKE THIS. 231 00:08:27,740 --> 00:08:30,976 FROM HOUND-DOZE. 232 00:08:31,110 --> 00:08:33,111 [APPLAUSE] 233 00:08:43,155 --> 00:08:47,003 [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] ORDER. [GAVEL BANGS] 234 00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:47,937 ORDER. [GAVEL BANGS] ORDER. 235 00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:50,072 [GAVEL BANGS] ORDER. SO, UH, MR. DEAN. 236 00:08:50,096 --> 00:08:53,643 ORDER. SO, UH, MR. DEAN. WOULD YOU STAND ON A... SWEAR ON 237 00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:57,881 SO, UH, MR. DEAN. WOULD YOU STAND ON A... SWEAR ON A BI... UM, UM, A BI... A BIBLE? 238 00:08:57,905 --> 00:08:58,781 WOULD YOU STAND ON A... SWEAR ON A BI... UM, UM, A BI... A BIBLE? ON THE BIBLE? 239 00:08:58,805 --> 00:09:01,183 A BI... UM, UM, A BI... A BIBLE? ON THE BIBLE? A BIBLE, THAT THE PRESIDENT 240 00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:03,720 ON THE BIBLE? A BIBLE, THAT THE PRESIDENT AUTHORIZED THE USE OF $1 MILLION 241 00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:06,756 A BIBLE, THAT THE PRESIDENT AUTHORIZED THE USE OF $1 MILLION IN A HUSH, UM, UM, HUSH... 242 00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:07,957 AUTHORIZED THE USE OF $1 MILLION IN A HUSH, UM, UM, HUSH... HUSH MONEY? 243 00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:08,791 IN A HUSH, UM, UM, HUSH... HUSH MONEY? UM, MONEY? 244 00:09:08,815 --> 00:09:10,026 HUSH MONEY? UM, MONEY? HUSH MONEY. 245 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,061 UM, MONEY? HUSH MONEY. THAT IS CORRECT, SENATOR, YES. 246 00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:14,230 HUSH MONEY. THAT IS CORRECT, SENATOR, YES. ARE YOU AWARE OF THE 247 00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:15,899 THAT IS CORRECT, SENATOR, YES. ARE YOU AWARE OF THE IMPLICATIONS OF WHAT YOU, UM, 248 00:09:15,923 --> 00:09:18,635 ARE YOU AWARE OF THE IMPLICATIONS OF WHAT YOU, UM, UM, OF WHAT YOU, UM... 249 00:09:18,659 --> 00:09:20,737 IMPLICATIONS OF WHAT YOU, UM, UM, OF WHAT YOU, UM... TESTIFIED, DIVULGED, 250 00:09:20,761 --> 00:09:22,639 UM, OF WHAT YOU, UM... TESTIFIED, DIVULGED, ASSERTED, IMPLIED... 251 00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:23,506 TESTIFIED, DIVULGED, ASSERTED, IMPLIED... UM... 252 00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:25,008 ASSERTED, IMPLIED... UM... SOUNDS LIKE... 253 00:09:25,032 --> 00:09:26,475 UM... SOUNDS LIKE... OF WHAT, UM... 254 00:09:26,499 --> 00:09:27,777 SOUNDS LIKE... OF WHAT, UM... YOU JUST SAID! 255 00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:29,478 OF WHAT, UM... YOU JUST SAID! YES, I AM. 256 00:09:29,502 --> 00:09:30,346 YOU JUST SAID! YES, I AM. YES, I AM, SIR. 257 00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:31,915 YES, I AM. YES, I AM, SIR. IT MEANS THAT THE PRESIDENT IS 258 00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:33,182 YES, I AM, SIR. IT MEANS THAT THE PRESIDENT IS GUILTY OF AN IMPEACHABLE 259 00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:34,751 IT MEANS THAT THE PRESIDENT IS GUILTY OF AN IMPEACHABLE OFFENSE, AND IT ALSO MEANS THAT 260 00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:36,385 GUILTY OF AN IMPEACHABLE OFFENSE, AND IT ALSO MEANS THAT I CAN MAKE A BUNDLE BY WRITING A 261 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:39,489 OFFENSE, AND IT ALSO MEANS THAT I CAN MAKE A BUNDLE BY WRITING A BOOK ABOUT IT. 262 00:09:44,516 --> 00:09:49,999 MY DECISION TO TESTIFY BEFORE THE SENATE SELECT COMMITTEE WAS MADE ON A FATEFUL DAY IN APRIL 263 00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:51,634 THE SENATE SELECT COMMITTEE WAS MADE ON A FATEFUL DAY IN APRIL OF 1973. 264 00:09:51,658 --> 00:09:53,269 MADE ON A FATEFUL DAY IN APRIL OF 1973. I WAS OUTSIDE THE OVAL OFFICE 265 00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:54,637 OF 1973. I WAS OUTSIDE THE OVAL OFFICE WAITING TO TALK WITH THE 266 00:09:54,661 --> 00:09:56,305 I WAS OUTSIDE THE OVAL OFFICE WAITING TO TALK WITH THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF, THE LEADER 267 00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:57,406 WAITING TO TALK WITH THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF, THE LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD, 268 00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,676 COMMANDER IN CHIEF, THE LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD, RICHARD M. NIXON. 269 00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,477 OF THE FREE WORLD, RICHARD M. NIXON. SO, ROSEMARY, AS SOON AS 270 00:10:01,501 --> 00:10:03,345 RICHARD M. NIXON. SO, ROSEMARY, AS SOON AS SAMMY LEFT THE ROOM, I SAID, 271 00:10:03,369 --> 00:10:05,081 SO, ROSEMARY, AS SOON AS SAMMY LEFT THE ROOM, I SAID, "ALL HE WANTS IS GOOD SEX, 272 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,016 SAMMY LEFT THE ROOM, I SAID, "ALL HE WANTS IS GOOD SEX, COMFORTABLE SHOES, AND A WARM 273 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:08,918 "ALL HE WANTS IS GOOD SEX, COMFORTABLE SHOES, AND A WARM PLACE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM." 274 00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,187 COMFORTABLE SHOES, AND A WARM PLACE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM." [BOTH LAUGH] 275 00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:12,655 PLACE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM." [BOTH LAUGH] OH, MR. PRESIDENT, YOU 276 00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:14,223 [BOTH LAUGH] OH, MR. PRESIDENT, YOU CERTAINLY KNOW HOW TO TELL A 277 00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:14,724 OH, MR. PRESIDENT, YOU CERTAINLY KNOW HOW TO TELL A JOKE. 278 00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:16,459 CERTAINLY KNOW HOW TO TELL A JOKE. YEAH, REMIND ME TO TELL THAT 279 00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:17,326 JOKE. YEAH, REMIND ME TO TELL THAT ONE TO BUTZ. 280 00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:18,928 YEAH, REMIND ME TO TELL THAT ONE TO BUTZ. HE LOVES A GOOD JOKE NOW AND 281 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:23,600 ONE TO BUTZ. HE LOVES A GOOD JOKE NOW AND AGAIN. 282 00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:26,102 HE LOVES A GOOD JOKE NOW AND AGAIN. OH, NOW, ABOUT THIS DEAN THING, 283 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,504 AGAIN. OH, NOW, ABOUT THIS DEAN THING, SO, WE'RE READY IF HE SINGS TO 284 00:10:28,528 --> 00:10:30,506 OH, NOW, ABOUT THIS DEAN THING, SO, WE'RE READY IF HE SINGS TO THAT WOP SIRICA, RIGHT? 285 00:10:30,530 --> 00:10:31,240 SO, WE'RE READY IF HE SINGS TO THAT WOP SIRICA, RIGHT? UH, YES. 286 00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:32,575 THAT WOP SIRICA, RIGHT? UH, YES. [German accent] 287 00:10:32,599 --> 00:10:33,576 UH, YES. [German accent] MR. PRESIDENT. 288 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:34,577 [German accent] MR. PRESIDENT. MR. PRESIDENT. 289 00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:35,945 MR. PRESIDENT. MR. PRESIDENT. HENRY, YOU CAN'T BARGE IN 290 00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:36,779 MR. PRESIDENT. HENRY, YOU CAN'T BARGE IN HERE LIKE THIS! 291 00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,247 HENRY, YOU CAN'T BARGE IN HERE LIKE THIS! BUT, MR. PRESIDENT, THIS IS 292 00:10:38,271 --> 00:10:38,982 HERE LIKE THIS! BUT, MR. PRESIDENT, THIS IS AN EMERGENCY. 293 00:10:39,006 --> 00:10:40,483 BUT, MR. PRESIDENT, THIS IS AN EMERGENCY. BREZHNEV IS THREATENING TO SEND 294 00:10:40,507 --> 00:10:41,851 AN EMERGENCY. BREZHNEV IS THREATENING TO SEND TROOPS INTO THE MIDDLE EAST. 295 00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:42,952 BREZHNEV IS THREATENING TO SEND TROOPS INTO THE MIDDLE EAST. WELL, I DON'T CARE. 296 00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,053 TROOPS INTO THE MIDDLE EAST. WELL, I DON'T CARE. DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. 297 00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:45,554 WELL, I DON'T CARE. DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. I'VE GOT A MILLION THINGS ON MY 298 00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:45,955 DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. I'VE GOT A MILLION THINGS ON MY MIND. 299 00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:46,689 I'VE GOT A MILLION THINGS ON MY MIND. OH-HO. 300 00:10:46,713 --> 00:10:48,424 MIND. OH-HO. MR. PRESIDENT, YOU SHOULDN'T 301 00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:50,359 OH-HO. MR. PRESIDENT, YOU SHOULDN'T SPEND SO MUCH TIME ON WATERGATE. 302 00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:52,095 MR. PRESIDENT, YOU SHOULDN'T SPEND SO MUCH TIME ON WATERGATE. HENRY, NOT NOW, I'M BUSY, 303 00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:52,729 SPEND SO MUCH TIME ON WATERGATE. HENRY, NOT NOW, I'M BUSY, PLEASE! 304 00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:53,997 HENRY, NOT NOW, I'M BUSY, PLEASE! OH, YOU'RE BUSY? 305 00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:54,897 PLEASE! OH, YOU'RE BUSY? WELL, I QUIT. 306 00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:56,132 OH, YOU'RE BUSY? WELL, I QUIT. SEE YOU LATER, PAL. 307 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,333 WELL, I QUIT. SEE YOU LATER, PAL. NO! DON'T QUIT! 308 00:10:57,357 --> 00:10:58,801 SEE YOU LATER, PAL. NO! DON'T QUIT! I'M BLOWING THIS POP STAND. 309 00:10:58,825 --> 00:10:59,836 NO! DON'T QUIT! I'M BLOWING THIS POP STAND. I'LL SEE YOU LATER. 310 00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:00,937 I'M BLOWING THIS POP STAND. I'LL SEE YOU LATER. PLEASE, DON'T QUIT. 311 00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:01,904 I'LL SEE YOU LATER. PLEASE, DON'T QUIT. I NEED YOU, HENRY. 312 00:11:01,928 --> 00:11:03,472 PLEASE, DON'T QUIT. I NEED YOU, HENRY. I'LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT. 313 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:04,573 I NEED YOU, HENRY. I'LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT. ANYTHING I WANT? 314 00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:06,009 I'LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT. ANYTHING I WANT? YEAH, WHATEVER YOU WANT. 315 00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:07,376 ANYTHING I WANT? YEAH, WHATEVER YOU WANT. ANYTHING YOU WANT, HENRY. 316 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,911 YEAH, WHATEVER YOU WANT. ANYTHING YOU WANT, HENRY. PLEASE, JUST DON'T QUIT ON ME 317 00:11:08,935 --> 00:11:09,311 ANYTHING YOU WANT, HENRY. PLEASE, JUST DON'T QUIT ON ME NOW. 318 00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:10,813 PLEASE, JUST DON'T QUIT ON ME NOW. HOW 'BOUT A RAISE? 319 00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,281 NOW. HOW 'BOUT A RAISE? OKAY, YOU GOT IT. 320 00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:13,582 HOW 'BOUT A RAISE? OKAY, YOU GOT IT. I GOT A RAISE? 321 00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:15,551 OKAY, YOU GOT IT. I GOT A RAISE? UH, I WANT A SILVER STINGRAY. 322 00:11:15,575 --> 00:11:16,853 I GOT A RAISE? UH, I WANT A SILVER STINGRAY. NO PROBLEM. 323 00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:19,355 UH, I WANT A SILVER STINGRAY. NO PROBLEM. I WANT TO TAKE GIRLS INTO THE 324 00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:20,356 NO PROBLEM. I WANT TO TAKE GIRLS INTO THE BLUE ROOM. 325 00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,258 I WANT TO TAKE GIRLS INTO THE BLUE ROOM. GO RIGHT AHEAD. 326 00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:24,160 BLUE ROOM. GO RIGHT AHEAD. AND I WANT TO PLAY GOLF IN A 327 00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:25,995 GO RIGHT AHEAD. AND I WANT TO PLAY GOLF IN A COUNTRY CLUB WHERE THEY DON'T 328 00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:29,032 AND I WANT TO PLAY GOLF IN A COUNTRY CLUB WHERE THEY DON'T ALLOW JEWS. 329 00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:30,499 COUNTRY CLUB WHERE THEY DON'T ALLOW JEWS. GEE, HENRY, THAT MIGHT BE 330 00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:30,967 ALLOW JEWS. GEE, HENRY, THAT MIGHT BE TOUGH. 331 00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:31,768 GEE, HENRY, THAT MIGHT BE TOUGH. I-I DON'T KNOW. 332 00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:32,601 TOUGH. I-I DON'T KNOW. SORRY, PAL. 333 00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:33,803 I-I DON'T KNOW. SORRY, PAL. NICE WORKING WITH YOU. 334 00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:34,637 SORRY, PAL. NICE WORKING WITH YOU. SEE YOU LATER. 335 00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:35,838 NICE WORKING WITH YOU. SEE YOU LATER. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT! 336 00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:37,339 SEE YOU LATER. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT! I'LL PUT YOU IN A FOURSOME WITH 337 00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:38,240 ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT! I'LL PUT YOU IN A FOURSOME WITH BILLY GRAHAM AND 338 00:11:38,264 --> 00:11:39,175 I'LL PUT YOU IN A FOURSOME WITH BILLY GRAHAM AND FRANK FITZSIMMONS. 339 00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:40,409 BILLY GRAHAM AND FRANK FITZSIMMONS. ALL RIGHT, NOW YOU'RE 340 00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:40,943 FRANK FITZSIMMONS. ALL RIGHT, NOW YOU'RE TALKING. 341 00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:43,279 ALL RIGHT, NOW YOU'RE TALKING. ALL RIGHT, I'LL TALK TO, UH... 342 00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:44,346 TALKING. ALL RIGHT, I'LL TALK TO, UH... HOW 'BOUT THE WIRETAPS? 343 00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:45,648 ALL RIGHT, I'LL TALK TO, UH... HOW 'BOUT THE WIRETAPS? CAN I WIRETAP ANYBODY I WANT? 344 00:11:45,672 --> 00:11:46,582 HOW 'BOUT THE WIRETAPS? CAN I WIRETAP ANYBODY I WANT? ANYBODY YOU WANT. 345 00:11:46,606 --> 00:11:47,249 CAN I WIRETAP ANYBODY I WANT? ANYBODY YOU WANT. OH, GOOD. 346 00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:48,651 ANYBODY YOU WANT. OH, GOOD. ALL RIGHT, I'LL TAKE CARE OF THE 347 00:11:48,675 --> 00:11:49,418 OH, GOOD. ALL RIGHT, I'LL TAKE CARE OF THE BREZHNEV THING. 348 00:11:49,442 --> 00:11:50,787 ALL RIGHT, I'LL TAKE CARE OF THE BREZHNEV THING. I'LL TALK TO HIM, I'LL COOL HIM 349 00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:51,120 BREZHNEV THING. I'LL TALK TO HIM, I'LL COOL HIM OFF. 350 00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:52,221 I'LL TALK TO HIM, I'LL COOL HIM OFF. GOOD. GOOD. GOOD. 351 00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:53,255 OFF. GOOD. GOOD. GOOD. ROSEMARY. 352 00:11:53,279 --> 00:11:55,491 GOOD. GOOD. GOOD. ROSEMARY. ROSEMARY, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO 353 00:11:55,515 --> 00:11:56,659 ROSEMARY. ROSEMARY, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO TELL YOU THIS. 354 00:11:56,683 --> 00:11:58,761 ROSEMARY, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO TELL YOU THIS. BUT FOR A WOMAN YOUR AGE, YOU 355 00:11:58,785 --> 00:12:01,597 TELL YOU THIS. BUT FOR A WOMAN YOUR AGE, YOU ARE EXTREMELY UNATTRACTIVE. 356 00:12:01,621 --> 00:12:03,365 BUT FOR A WOMAN YOUR AGE, YOU ARE EXTREMELY UNATTRACTIVE. WELL, THAT'S VERY DIPLOMATIC 357 00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:04,701 ARE EXTREMELY UNATTRACTIVE. WELL, THAT'S VERY DIPLOMATIC OF YOU, MR. KISSINGER. 358 00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:06,368 WELL, THAT'S VERY DIPLOMATIC OF YOU, MR. KISSINGER. NOW, JUST GET OUT OF HERE, 359 00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:07,303 OF YOU, MR. KISSINGER. NOW, JUST GET OUT OF HERE, HENRY, PLEASE. 360 00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:08,637 NOW, JUST GET OUT OF HERE, HENRY, PLEASE. I'LL SEE YOU LATER. 361 00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:11,741 HENRY, PLEASE. I'LL SEE YOU LATER. ALL RIGHT! 362 00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:14,110 I'LL SEE YOU LATER. ALL RIGHT! NOW, ABOUT THIS DEAN THING. 363 00:12:14,134 --> 00:12:16,112 ALL RIGHT! NOW, ABOUT THIS DEAN THING. UM, YES, MR. PRESIDENT. 364 00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:18,047 NOW, ABOUT THIS DEAN THING. UM, YES, MR. PRESIDENT. HE'S WAITING OUTSIDE. 365 00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:20,649 UM, YES, MR. PRESIDENT. HE'S WAITING OUTSIDE. NOW, I'VE TYPED UP THIS LETTER 366 00:12:20,673 --> 00:12:22,651 HE'S WAITING OUTSIDE. NOW, I'VE TYPED UP THIS LETTER OF RESIGNATION THAT WAS DRAFTED 367 00:12:22,675 --> 00:12:25,922 NOW, I'VE TYPED UP THIS LETTER OF RESIGNATION THAT WAS DRAFTED BY MR. EHRLICHMAN FOR MR. DEAN 368 00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:26,889 OF RESIGNATION THAT WAS DRAFTED BY MR. EHRLICHMAN FOR MR. DEAN TO SIGN. 369 00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:30,059 BY MR. EHRLICHMAN FOR MR. DEAN TO SIGN. MMM, GOOD. GOOD. 370 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:33,096 TO SIGN. MMM, GOOD. GOOD. IF HE SIGNS THIS, I'M HOME FREE. 371 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:34,496 MMM, GOOD. GOOD. IF HE SIGNS THIS, I'M HOME FREE. OH, AND, ROSEMARY, WOULD YOU 372 00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:35,798 IF HE SIGNS THIS, I'M HOME FREE. OH, AND, ROSEMARY, WOULD YOU TURN ON THE TAPE MACHINE, 373 00:12:35,822 --> 00:12:36,298 OH, AND, ROSEMARY, WOULD YOU TURN ON THE TAPE MACHINE, PLEASE? 374 00:12:36,322 --> 00:12:38,334 TURN ON THE TAPE MACHINE, PLEASE? OH, YES, MR. PRESIDENT. 375 00:12:38,358 --> 00:12:39,902 PLEASE? OH, YES, MR. PRESIDENT. MM-HMM. 376 00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:40,669 OH, YES, MR. PRESIDENT. MM-HMM. [CHUCKLES] 377 00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:42,171 MM-HMM. [CHUCKLES] I'M GONNA TRY TO GET DEAN TO 378 00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:43,773 [CHUCKLES] I'M GONNA TRY TO GET DEAN TO INCRIMINATE HIMSELF AND MAKE ME 379 00:12:43,797 --> 00:12:44,640 I'M GONNA TRY TO GET DEAN TO INCRIMINATE HIMSELF AND MAKE ME LOOK INNOCENT. 380 00:12:44,664 --> 00:12:46,175 INCRIMINATE HIMSELF AND MAKE ME LOOK INNOCENT. A TAPE COULD COME IN HANDY AS 381 00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:46,809 LOOK INNOCENT. A TAPE COULD COME IN HANDY AS EVIDENCE. 382 00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:48,344 A TAPE COULD COME IN HANDY AS EVIDENCE. YES, MR. PRESIDENT. 383 00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:50,346 EVIDENCE. YES, MR. PRESIDENT. BOY, WHAT A GREAT IDEA THIS 384 00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:53,916 YES, MR. PRESIDENT. BOY, WHAT A GREAT IDEA THIS TAPING SYSTEM IS. 385 00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:56,018 BOY, WHAT A GREAT IDEA THIS TAPING SYSTEM IS. HO, BOY, AM I GONNA MAKE DEAN 386 00:12:56,042 --> 00:12:57,053 TAPING SYSTEM IS. HO, BOY, AM I GONNA MAKE DEAN LOOK STUPID! 387 00:12:57,077 --> 00:12:59,122 HO, BOY, AM I GONNA MAKE DEAN LOOK STUPID! OH, IS HE GONNA LOOK LIKE AN 388 00:12:59,146 --> 00:12:59,789 LOOK STUPID! OH, IS HE GONNA LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT! 389 00:12:59,813 --> 00:13:01,423 OH, IS HE GONNA LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT! OH, YOU'RE A GENIUS, 390 00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:02,558 IDIOT! OH, YOU'RE A GENIUS, MR. PRESIDENT. 391 00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:03,626 OH, YOU'RE A GENIUS, MR. PRESIDENT. YES, I AM. 392 00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:05,628 MR. PRESIDENT. YES, I AM. NOW, ONCE I GET DEAN ON TAPE, 393 00:13:05,652 --> 00:13:07,230 YES, I AM. NOW, ONCE I GET DEAN ON TAPE, THERE'S NO WAY I COULD 394 00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:09,398 NOW, ONCE I GET DEAN ON TAPE, THERE'S NO WAY I COULD ACCIDENTALLY ERASE IT, IS THERE? 395 00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:11,567 THERE'S NO WAY I COULD ACCIDENTALLY ERASE IT, IS THERE? OH, NO, ALL IT CAN DO IS PLAY 396 00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:12,534 ACCIDENTALLY ERASE IT, IS THERE? OH, NO, ALL IT CAN DO IS PLAY AND RECORD. 397 00:13:12,558 --> 00:13:14,703 OH, NO, ALL IT CAN DO IS PLAY AND RECORD. I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO COULD ERASE 398 00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:15,938 AND RECORD. I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO COULD ERASE IT ACCIDENTALLY. 399 00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:16,705 I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO COULD ERASE IT ACCIDENTALLY. OH, GOOD. 400 00:13:16,729 --> 00:13:18,307 IT ACCIDENTALLY. OH, GOOD. THANKS, ROSEMARY, YOU SURE ARE 401 00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:18,808 OH, GOOD. THANKS, ROSEMARY, YOU SURE ARE LOYAL. 402 00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:20,309 THANKS, ROSEMARY, YOU SURE ARE LOYAL. THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT. 403 00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:21,911 LOYAL. THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT. NOW SEND DEAN IN, WILL YOU, 404 00:13:21,935 --> 00:13:22,444 THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT. NOW SEND DEAN IN, WILL YOU, PLEASE? 405 00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:24,446 NOW SEND DEAN IN, WILL YOU, PLEASE? OH, MR. PRESIDENT, ONE MORE 406 00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:25,047 PLEASE? OH, MR. PRESIDENT, ONE MORE THING. 407 00:13:25,071 --> 00:13:26,983 OH, MR. PRESIDENT, ONE MORE THING. BE SURE TO HAVE MR. DEAN TALK 408 00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:29,819 THING. BE SURE TO HAVE MR. DEAN TALK INTO THE LAMP. 409 00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:32,321 BE SURE TO HAVE MR. DEAN TALK INTO THE LAMP. OKAY. UH-HUH. 410 00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:34,090 INTO THE LAMP. OKAY. UH-HUH. TESTING. 411 00:13:34,114 --> 00:13:36,125 OKAY. UH-HUH. TESTING. TESTING, ONE, TWO. 412 00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:39,361 TESTING. TESTING, ONE, TWO. TESTING, ONE, TWO. 413 00:13:39,385 --> 00:13:41,230 TESTING, ONE, TWO. TESTING, ONE, TWO. ♪ ONCE THERE WAS 414 00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:43,532 TESTING, ONE, TWO. ♪ ONCE THERE WAS A SILLY OLD RAM ♪ 415 00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:45,168 ♪ ONCE THERE WAS A SILLY OLD RAM ♪ ♪ THOUGHT HE'D KNOCK A HOLE IN 416 00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:46,903 A SILLY OLD RAM ♪ ♪ THOUGHT HE'D KNOCK A HOLE IN THAT DAM ♪ 417 00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:48,838 ♪ THOUGHT HE'D KNOCK A HOLE IN THAT DAM ♪ ♪ NO ONE COULD MAKE THAT RAM 418 00:13:48,862 --> 00:13:50,339 THAT DAM ♪ ♪ NO ONE COULD MAKE THAT RAM SCRAM ♪ 419 00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:52,775 ♪ NO ONE COULD MAKE THAT RAM SCRAM ♪ ♪ HE KEPT HITTING THAT DAM ♪ 420 00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:56,045 SCRAM ♪ ♪ HE KEPT HITTING THAT DAM ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE HE HAD HIGH HOPES ♪ 421 00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:58,380 ♪ HE KEPT HITTING THAT DAM ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE HE HAD HIGH HOPES ♪ ♪ HE HAD HIGH... ♪ 422 00:13:58,404 --> 00:13:59,081 ♪ 'CAUSE HE HAD HIGH HOPES ♪ ♪ HE HAD HIGH... ♪ JOHN! 423 00:13:59,105 --> 00:14:01,617 ♪ HE HAD HIGH... ♪ JOHN! WELL, JOHN, I-I WAS JUST SITTING 424 00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:03,452 JOHN! WELL, JOHN, I-I WAS JUST SITTING HERE, SINGING TO RELAX. 425 00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:05,054 WELL, JOHN, I-I WAS JUST SITTING HERE, SINGING TO RELAX. I'VE BEEN WORKING SO HARD ON THE 426 00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:06,588 HERE, SINGING TO RELAX. I'VE BEEN WORKING SO HARD ON THE BUSINESS OF RUNNING THE COUNTRY 427 00:14:06,612 --> 00:14:08,057 I'VE BEEN WORKING SO HARD ON THE BUSINESS OF RUNNING THE COUNTRY AND NATIONAL SECURITY MATTERS 428 00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:09,591 BUSINESS OF RUNNING THE COUNTRY AND NATIONAL SECURITY MATTERS AND SUCH THAT I REALLY HAVEN'T 429 00:14:09,615 --> 00:14:10,793 AND NATIONAL SECURITY MATTERS AND SUCH THAT I REALLY HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO THINK ABOUT 430 00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:11,393 AND SUCH THAT I REALLY HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO THINK ABOUT WATERGATE. 431 00:14:11,417 --> 00:14:12,761 HAD TIME TO THINK ABOUT WATERGATE. WELL, MR. PRESIDENT, I ONLY 432 00:14:12,785 --> 00:14:13,996 WATERGATE. WELL, MR. PRESIDENT, I ONLY CAME TO SAY THAT I WANT TO 433 00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:15,464 WELL, MR. PRESIDENT, I ONLY CAME TO SAY THAT I WANT TO SAY... WELL, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO 434 00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:16,899 CAME TO SAY THAT I WANT TO SAY... WELL, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PUT THIS, BUT YOU DO UNDERSTAND, 435 00:14:16,923 --> 00:14:18,134 SAY... WELL, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PUT THIS, BUT YOU DO UNDERSTAND, DON'T YOU, THAT I'M LOYAL? 436 00:14:18,158 --> 00:14:20,069 PUT THIS, BUT YOU DO UNDERSTAND, DON'T YOU, THAT I'M LOYAL? JOHN, YOU REMEMBER IN MARCH 437 00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:21,904 DON'T YOU, THAT I'M LOYAL? JOHN, YOU REMEMBER IN MARCH WHEN YOU CAME IN AND TOLD ME 438 00:14:21,928 --> 00:14:23,906 JOHN, YOU REMEMBER IN MARCH WHEN YOU CAME IN AND TOLD ME THAT THERE WAS A CANCER GROWING 439 00:14:23,930 --> 00:14:25,174 WHEN YOU CAME IN AND TOLD ME THAT THERE WAS A CANCER GROWING IN THE PRESIDENCY? 440 00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:26,375 THAT THERE WAS A CANCER GROWING IN THE PRESIDENCY? I CERTAINLY DO, SIR, YES. 441 00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:27,109 IN THE PRESIDENCY? I CERTAINLY DO, SIR, YES. YES, I DO. 442 00:14:27,133 --> 00:14:28,744 I CERTAINLY DO, SIR, YES. YES, I DO. THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME I 443 00:14:28,768 --> 00:14:30,079 YES, I DO. THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME I HEARD ABOUT IT, RIGHT? 444 00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:31,914 THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME I HEARD ABOUT IT, RIGHT? WELL, YES, THAT... THAT WOULD 445 00:14:31,938 --> 00:14:33,716 HEARD ABOUT IT, RIGHT? WELL, YES, THAT... THAT WOULD BE TRUE IF YOU DO CHOOSE TO TAKE 446 00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:35,251 WELL, YES, THAT... THAT WOULD BE TRUE IF YOU DO CHOOSE TO TAKE THAT LINE OF DEFENSE, SIR. 447 00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:36,919 BE TRUE IF YOU DO CHOOSE TO TAKE THAT LINE OF DEFENSE, SIR. THAT'S WHY I BELIEVE YOU MUST 448 00:14:36,943 --> 00:14:38,620 THAT LINE OF DEFENSE, SIR. THAT'S WHY I BELIEVE YOU MUST CLEAR THE AIR BECAUSE IT'S MY 449 00:14:38,644 --> 00:14:40,256 THAT'S WHY I BELIEVE YOU MUST CLEAR THE AIR BECAUSE IT'S MY FEELING THAT SIRICA WILL NOT 450 00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:41,623 CLEAR THE AIR BECAUSE IT'S MY FEELING THAT SIRICA WILL NOT STOP AT HUNT AND LIDDY. 451 00:14:41,647 --> 00:14:43,125 FEELING THAT SIRICA WILL NOT STOP AT HUNT AND LIDDY. JOHN, I KNOW THAT 452 00:14:43,149 --> 00:14:45,328 STOP AT HUNT AND LIDDY. JOHN, I KNOW THAT JUDGE JOHN SIRICA IS A FINE AND 453 00:14:45,352 --> 00:14:47,496 JOHN, I KNOW THAT JUDGE JOHN SIRICA IS A FINE AND FAIR JURIST IN THE TRADITION OF 454 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:50,032 JUDGE JOHN SIRICA IS A FINE AND FAIR JURIST IN THE TRADITION OF THE ITALIAN PEOPLE. 455 00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:51,934 FAIR JURIST IN THE TRADITION OF THE ITALIAN PEOPLE. SIR, I JUST HOPE NOTHING THAT 456 00:14:51,958 --> 00:14:53,269 THE ITALIAN PEOPLE. SIR, I JUST HOPE NOTHING THAT I WOULD EVER SAY COULD LEAD THE 457 00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:55,504 SIR, I JUST HOPE NOTHING THAT I WOULD EVER SAY COULD LEAD THE PROSECUTORS TO, WELL, TO CALL 458 00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:56,839 I WOULD EVER SAY COULD LEAD THE PROSECUTORS TO, WELL, TO CALL FOR YOUR IMPEACHMENT. 459 00:14:56,863 --> 00:14:58,440 PROSECUTORS TO, WELL, TO CALL FOR YOUR IMPEACHMENT. JOHN, YOU KNOW, THE FIRST 460 00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:00,109 FOR YOUR IMPEACHMENT. JOHN, YOU KNOW, THE FIRST TIME I UNDERSTOOD THE SANCTITY 461 00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:01,878 JOHN, YOU KNOW, THE FIRST TIME I UNDERSTOOD THE SANCTITY OF THE PRESIDENCY WAS AFTER IKE 462 00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:03,112 TIME I UNDERSTOOD THE SANCTITY OF THE PRESIDENCY WAS AFTER IKE HAD HIS HEART ATTACK. 463 00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:04,646 OF THE PRESIDENCY WAS AFTER IKE HAD HIS HEART ATTACK. I SAT BEHIND THIS VERY DESK 464 00:15:04,670 --> 00:15:06,215 HAD HIS HEART ATTACK. I SAT BEHIND THIS VERY DESK HERE, AND I SAID TO MYSELF, 465 00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:07,850 I SAT BEHIND THIS VERY DESK HERE, AND I SAID TO MYSELF, "SOMEDAY I'M GOING TO HAVE MY 466 00:15:07,874 --> 00:15:08,817 HERE, AND I SAID TO MYSELF, "SOMEDAY I'M GOING TO HAVE MY OWN PRESIDENCY. 467 00:15:08,841 --> 00:15:10,619 "SOMEDAY I'M GOING TO HAVE MY OWN PRESIDENCY. THERE'S GOING TO BE SOME CHANGES 468 00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:11,087 OWN PRESIDENCY. THERE'S GOING TO BE SOME CHANGES MADE. 469 00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:12,554 THERE'S GOING TO BE SOME CHANGES MADE. I'M... "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT? 470 00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:13,622 MADE. I'M... "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT? OH, NOTHING. 471 00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:15,491 I'M... "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT? OH, NOTHING. I JUST COULDN'T HELP NOTICING 472 00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:17,326 OH, NOTHING. I JUST COULDN'T HELP NOTICING THAT YOUR SHAKESPEARE VOLUMES 473 00:15:17,350 --> 00:15:18,727 I JUST COULDN'T HELP NOTICING THAT YOUR SHAKESPEARE VOLUMES ARE TITLED "MACBETH," 474 00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:20,029 THAT YOUR SHAKESPEARE VOLUMES ARE TITLED "MACBETH," "ROMEO AND JULIET," 475 00:15:20,053 --> 00:15:21,830 ARE TITLED "MACBETH," "ROMEO AND JULIET," "RECORD, STOP, FAST-FORWARD, 476 00:15:21,854 --> 00:15:23,499 "ROMEO AND JULIET," "RECORD, STOP, FAST-FORWARD, REWIND," AND "THE MERCHANT 477 00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:24,533 "RECORD, STOP, FAST-FORWARD, REWIND," AND "THE MERCHANT OF VENICE," SIR. 478 00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:26,035 REWIND," AND "THE MERCHANT OF VENICE," SIR. YEAH, WELL, JOHN, COME HERE 479 00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:27,603 OF VENICE," SIR. YEAH, WELL, JOHN, COME HERE AND SIT DOWN, WILL YOU, PLEASE? 480 00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:28,938 YEAH, WELL, JOHN, COME HERE AND SIT DOWN, WILL YOU, PLEASE? JUST SIT IN MY CHAIR HERE. 481 00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:30,373 AND SIT DOWN, WILL YOU, PLEASE? JUST SIT IN MY CHAIR HERE. SEE HOW IT FEELS, AS IT WERE. 482 00:15:30,397 --> 00:15:31,807 JUST SIT IN MY CHAIR HERE. SEE HOW IT FEELS, AS IT WERE. JUST RELAX FOR A MOMENT, YOU 483 00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:32,775 SEE HOW IT FEELS, AS IT WERE. JUST RELAX FOR A MOMENT, YOU KNOW? 484 00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:35,011 JUST RELAX FOR A MOMENT, YOU KNOW? YOU KNOW, MY AUNT WHO LIVES IN 485 00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:37,079 KNOW? YOU KNOW, MY AUNT WHO LIVES IN MODESTO, CALIFORNIA, SHE'S A 486 00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:38,680 YOU KNOW, MY AUNT WHO LIVES IN MODESTO, CALIFORNIA, SHE'S A HANDWRITING ANALYST. 487 00:15:38,704 --> 00:15:40,283 MODESTO, CALIFORNIA, SHE'S A HANDWRITING ANALYST. SHE DOES IT AS A HOBBY, SORT OF, 488 00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:41,918 HANDWRITING ANALYST. SHE DOES IT AS A HOBBY, SORT OF, AND, WELL, SHE'D BE THRILLED IF 489 00:15:41,942 --> 00:15:43,386 SHE DOES IT AS A HOBBY, SORT OF, AND, WELL, SHE'D BE THRILLED IF SHE HAD YOUR SIGNATURE AMONG 490 00:15:43,410 --> 00:15:45,021 AND, WELL, SHE'D BE THRILLED IF SHE HAD YOUR SIGNATURE AMONG HER COLLECTION, SO WHY DON'T YOU 491 00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:46,555 SHE HAD YOUR SIGNATURE AMONG HER COLLECTION, SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST SIGN THIS PIECE OF PAPER 492 00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:47,790 HER COLLECTION, SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST SIGN THIS PIECE OF PAPER AND I'LL SEND IT UP THERE? 493 00:15:47,814 --> 00:15:49,158 JUST SIGN THIS PIECE OF PAPER AND I'LL SEND IT UP THERE? SHE'D GET A BIG KICK OUT OF IT. 494 00:15:49,182 --> 00:15:50,393 AND I'LL SEND IT UP THERE? SHE'D GET A BIG KICK OUT OF IT. JUST PUT MY NAME RIGHT... 495 00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:51,693 SHE'D GET A BIG KICK OUT OF IT. JUST PUT MY NAME RIGHT... JUST PUT YOUR NAME... SHE'D 496 00:15:51,717 --> 00:15:53,095 JUST PUT MY NAME RIGHT... JUST PUT YOUR NAME... SHE'D GET A BIG... SHE FRAMES THEM UP. 497 00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:54,130 JUST PUT YOUR NAME... SHE'D GET A BIG... SHE FRAMES THEM UP. WAIT A MINUTE. 498 00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:55,164 GET A BIG... SHE FRAMES THEM UP. WAIT A MINUTE. THIS IS A LETTER. 499 00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:56,665 WAIT A MINUTE. THIS IS A LETTER. "DEAR MR. PRESIDENT, PLEASE 500 00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:58,334 THIS IS A LETTER. "DEAR MR. PRESIDENT, PLEASE ACCEPT MY IMMEDIATE RESIGNATION 501 00:15:58,358 --> 00:16:00,069 "DEAR MR. PRESIDENT, PLEASE ACCEPT MY IMMEDIATE RESIGNATION BECAUSE OF MY RESPONSIBILITY FOR 502 00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:01,404 ACCEPT MY IMMEDIATE RESIGNATION BECAUSE OF MY RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE WATERGATE COVER-UP. 503 00:16:01,428 --> 00:16:02,838 BECAUSE OF MY RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE WATERGATE COVER-UP. ALSO FOR THE SECRET WAR IN 504 00:16:02,862 --> 00:16:04,140 THE WATERGATE COVER-UP. ALSO FOR THE SECRET WAR IN CAMBODIA AND THE I.T.T. 505 00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:04,807 ALSO FOR THE SECRET WAR IN CAMBODIA AND THE I.T.T. INCIDENT. 506 00:16:04,831 --> 00:16:06,175 CAMBODIA AND THE I.T.T. INCIDENT. EHRLICHMAN AND HALDEMAN KNEW 507 00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:06,708 INCIDENT. EHRLICHMAN AND HALDEMAN KNEW NOTHING. 508 00:16:06,732 --> 00:16:08,177 EHRLICHMAN AND HALDEMAN KNEW NOTHING. I JUST HOPE YOU FIND IT IN YOUR 509 00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:09,211 NOTHING. I JUST HOPE YOU FIND IT IN YOUR HEART TO FORGIVE ME. 510 00:16:09,235 --> 00:16:10,746 I JUST HOPE YOU FIND IT IN YOUR HEART TO FORGIVE ME. I AM NOT A BOTTOM-DWELLING SLUG. 511 00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:12,915 HEART TO FORGIVE ME. I AM NOT A BOTTOM-DWELLING SLUG. YOU ARE NOT A CROOK. 512 00:16:12,939 --> 00:16:14,317 I AM NOT A BOTTOM-DWELLING SLUG. YOU ARE NOT A CROOK. SIGNED JOHN DEAN." 513 00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:15,284 YOU ARE NOT A CROOK. SIGNED JOHN DEAN." BUT... 514 00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:18,254 SIGNED JOHN DEAN." BUT... WHAT?! 515 00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:20,622 BUT... WHAT?! WHAT?! 516 00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:22,658 WHAT?! WHAT?! LET ME SEE THAT! 517 00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:25,627 WHAT?! LET ME SEE THAT! ISN'T THAT WEIRD?! 518 00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:27,663 LET ME SEE THAT! ISN'T THAT WEIRD?! WELL, ISN'T THAT SOMETHING? 519 00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:29,966 ISN'T THAT WEIRD?! WELL, ISN'T THAT SOMETHING? THAT REALLY IS A MYSTERY, JOHN. 520 00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:32,201 WELL, ISN'T THAT SOMETHING? THAT REALLY IS A MYSTERY, JOHN. THAT'S A STUMPER IF EVER I SAW 521 00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:33,635 THAT REALLY IS A MYSTERY, JOHN. THAT'S A STUMPER IF EVER I SAW ONE, JOHN. 522 00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:36,638 THAT'S A STUMPER IF EVER I SAW ONE, JOHN. WHY, ISN'T THAT STRANGE! 523 00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:41,510 ONE, JOHN. WHY, ISN'T THAT STRANGE! WHY, I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING... 524 00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:43,012 WHY, ISN'T THAT STRANGE! WHY, I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING... THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I 525 00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:44,413 WHY, I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING... THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I SPOKE WITH RICHARD NIXON. 526 00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:46,082 THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I SPOKE WITH RICHARD NIXON. A YEAR AND A HALF LATER FOUND A 527 00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:47,816 SPOKE WITH RICHARD NIXON. A YEAR AND A HALF LATER FOUND A NEW PRESIDENT IN THE WHITE HOUSE 528 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,118 A YEAR AND A HALF LATER FOUND A NEW PRESIDENT IN THE WHITE HOUSE AND ME AT HOLABIRD 529 00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:50,752 NEW PRESIDENT IN THE WHITE HOUSE AND ME AT HOLABIRD MINIMUM-SECURITY PRISON. 530 00:16:50,776 --> 00:16:52,554 AND ME AT HOLABIRD MINIMUM-SECURITY PRISON. IT WAS VISITING DAY, AND MY 531 00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:54,490 MINIMUM-SECURITY PRISON. IT WAS VISITING DAY, AND MY WIFE, MO, HAD COME TO SEE ME. 532 00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:58,060 IT WAS VISITING DAY, AND MY WIFE, MO, HAD COME TO SEE ME. [TYPEWRITER CLACKING] 533 00:16:58,084 --> 00:16:59,795 WIFE, MO, HAD COME TO SEE ME. [TYPEWRITER CLACKING] HOW'S THE BOOK COMING? 534 00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:01,063 [TYPEWRITER CLACKING] HOW'S THE BOOK COMING? OH, HELLO, MO. 535 00:17:01,087 --> 00:17:01,964 HOW'S THE BOOK COMING? OH, HELLO, MO. JUST GREAT. 536 00:17:01,988 --> 00:17:03,299 OH, HELLO, MO. JUST GREAT. IT'S DOING NICELY. 537 00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:05,368 JUST GREAT. IT'S DOING NICELY. HAVE YOU SEEN TODAY'S PAPER? 538 00:17:05,392 --> 00:17:06,869 IT'S DOING NICELY. HAVE YOU SEEN TODAY'S PAPER? NO, WHY? 539 00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:10,839 HAVE YOU SEEN TODAY'S PAPER? NO, WHY? [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] 540 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:13,275 NO, WHY? [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] ON THE FRONT? 541 00:17:13,299 --> 00:17:15,644 [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] ON THE FRONT? "FORD PARDONS NIXON"?! 542 00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:17,079 ON THE FRONT? "FORD PARDONS NIXON"?! I DON'T BELIEVE IT. 543 00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:19,248 "FORD PARDONS NIXON"?! I DON'T BELIEVE IT. THEN, ONLY NIXON... WELL, HE'LL 544 00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:21,317 I DON'T BELIEVE IT. THEN, ONLY NIXON... WELL, HE'LL NEVER HAVE TO ADMIT ANYTHING. 545 00:17:21,341 --> 00:17:23,486 THEN, ONLY NIXON... WELL, HE'LL NEVER HAVE TO ADMIT ANYTHING. DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING ON FORD 546 00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:24,553 NEVER HAVE TO ADMIT ANYTHING. DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING ON FORD IN YOUR BOOK? 547 00:17:24,577 --> 00:17:25,921 DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING ON FORD IN YOUR BOOK? YES, I DO... A COUPLE OF 548 00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:27,123 IN YOUR BOOK? YES, I DO... A COUPLE OF THINGS. 549 00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:29,558 YES, I DO... A COUPLE OF THINGS. FORD WILL PROBABLY RUN IN 550 00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:30,659 THINGS. FORD WILL PROBABLY RUN IN '76. 551 00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:31,260 FORD WILL PROBABLY RUN IN '76. YEAH? 552 00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:32,828 '76. YEAH? WHY DON'T YOU RELEASE YOUR 553 00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:34,463 YEAH? WHY DON'T YOU RELEASE YOUR BOOK RIGHT BEFORE THE ELECTION? 554 00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:35,631 WHY DON'T YOU RELEASE YOUR BOOK RIGHT BEFORE THE ELECTION? THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. 555 00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:37,166 BOOK RIGHT BEFORE THE ELECTION? THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. THAT'LL ENSURE TWO THINGS... BIG 556 00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:38,401 THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. THAT'LL ENSURE TWO THINGS... BIG SALES FOR MY BOOK AND THE 557 00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:41,937 THAT'LL ENSURE TWO THINGS... BIG SALES FOR MY BOOK AND THE PRESIDENCY FOR HUBERT HUMPHREY. 558 00:17:41,961 --> 00:17:44,601 SALES FOR MY BOOK AND THE PRESIDENCY FOR HUBERT HUMPHREY. [APPLAUSE] 559 00:18:01,012 --> 00:18:06,262 [CHUCKLES] MADAM AND MONSIEUR, RY COODER, RIGHT HERE. 560 00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:08,966 MADAM AND MONSIEUR, RY COODER, RIGHT HERE. [INTRO TO "TATTLER" PLAYS] 561 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:29,100 ♪ WHENEVER YOU FIND A MAN THAT LOVES EVERY WOMAN HE SEES ♪ ♪ WELL, THERE'S ALWAYS SOME KIND 562 00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:34,690 THAT LOVES EVERY WOMAN HE SEES ♪ ♪ WELL, THERE'S ALWAYS SOME KIND OF WOMAN THAT'S A-PUTTIN' HIM UP 563 00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:36,992 ♪ WELL, THERE'S ALWAYS SOME KIND OF WOMAN THAT'S A-PUTTIN' HIM UP A TREE ♪ 564 00:18:37,016 --> 00:18:38,394 OF WOMAN THAT'S A-PUTTIN' HIM UP A TREE ♪ ♪ NOW, THAT KIND OF MAN, 565 00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:42,198 A TREE ♪ ♪ NOW, THAT KIND OF MAN, HE AIN'T GOT AS MUCH SENSE 566 00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:44,500 ♪ NOW, THAT KIND OF MAN, HE AIN'T GOT AS MUCH SENSE AS A MULE ♪ 567 00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:46,368 HE AIN'T GOT AS MUCH SENSE AS A MULE ♪ ♪ WELL, YOU KNOW EVERY WOMAN 568 00:18:46,392 --> 00:18:48,270 AS A MULE ♪ ♪ WELL, YOU KNOW EVERY WOMAN DON'T LOVE YOU ♪ 569 00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:49,972 ♪ WELL, YOU KNOW EVERY WOMAN DON'T LOVE YOU ♪ ♪ THEY'RE JUST A-PLAYIN' YOU 570 00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:52,274 DON'T LOVE YOU ♪ ♪ THEY'RE JUST A-PLAYIN' YOU FOR A FOOL ♪ 571 00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:54,176 ♪ THEY'RE JUST A-PLAYIN' YOU FOR A FOOL ♪ ♪ MMM ♪ 572 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:57,813 FOR A FOOL ♪ ♪ MMM ♪ ♪ OH, NO, IT'S NOT HARD FOR YOU 573 00:18:57,837 --> 00:19:00,082 ♪ MMM ♪ ♪ OH, NO, IT'S NOT HARD FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND ♪ 574 00:19:00,106 --> 00:19:03,119 ♪ OH, NO, IT'S NOT HARD FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND ♪ ♪ TRUE LOVE CAN BE SUCH A SWEET 575 00:19:03,143 --> 00:19:06,255 TO UNDERSTAND ♪ ♪ TRUE LOVE CAN BE SUCH A SWEET HARMONY IF YOU DO THE BEST 576 00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:09,119 ♪ TRUE LOVE CAN BE SUCH A SWEET HARMONY IF YOU DO THE BEST THAT YOU CAN ♪ 577 00:19:14,419 --> 00:19:21,903 ♪ IF YOU MARRY THE WRONG KIND OF WOMAN AND YOU GET WHERE YOU CAN'T AGREE ♪ 578 00:19:21,927 --> 00:19:24,406 WOMAN AND YOU GET WHERE YOU CAN'T AGREE ♪ ♪ WELL, YOU JUST AS WELL TO GET 579 00:19:24,430 --> 00:19:29,545 CAN'T AGREE ♪ ♪ WELL, YOU JUST AS WELL TO GET YOUR HAT AND LET THAT WOMAN BE ♪ 580 00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:32,314 ♪ WELL, YOU JUST AS WELL TO GET YOUR HAT AND LET THAT WOMAN BE ♪ ♪ BUT MEN OUGHT TO MAKE GOOD 581 00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:34,350 YOUR HAT AND LET THAT WOMAN BE ♪ ♪ BUT MEN OUGHT TO MAKE GOOD HUSBANDS ♪ 582 00:19:34,374 --> 00:19:36,252 ♪ BUT MEN OUGHT TO MAKE GOOD HUSBANDS ♪ ♪ QUIT TRYIN' TO LEAD A FAST 583 00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:37,986 HUSBANDS ♪ ♪ QUIT TRYIN' TO LEAD A FAST LIFE ♪ 584 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:40,122 ♪ QUIT TRYIN' TO LEAD A FAST LIFE ♪ ♪ GOIN' ABOUT DRESSIN' UP OTHER 585 00:19:40,146 --> 00:19:43,091 LIFE ♪ ♪ GOIN' ABOUT DRESSIN' UP OTHER WOMEN WON'T PUT CLOTHES 586 00:19:43,115 --> 00:19:45,027 ♪ GOIN' ABOUT DRESSIN' UP OTHER WOMEN WON'T PUT CLOTHES ON HIS OWN WIFE ♪ 587 00:19:45,051 --> 00:19:47,196 WOMEN WON'T PUT CLOTHES ON HIS OWN WIFE ♪ ♪ MMM ♪ 588 00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:50,566 ON HIS OWN WIFE ♪ ♪ MMM ♪ ♪ OH, NO, IT'S NOT HARD 589 00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:53,169 ♪ MMM ♪ ♪ OH, NO, IT'S NOT HARD FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND ♪ 590 00:19:53,193 --> 00:19:56,372 ♪ OH, NO, IT'S NOT HARD FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND ♪ ♪ TRUE LOVE CAN BE SUCH A SWEET 591 00:19:56,396 --> 00:19:59,741 FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND ♪ ♪ TRUE LOVE CAN BE SUCH A SWEET HARMONY IF YOU DO THE BEST 592 00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:02,605 ♪ TRUE LOVE CAN BE SUCH A SWEET HARMONY IF YOU DO THE BEST THAT YOU CAN ♪ 593 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:41,817 ♪ NOW, THERE'S LOTS OF GOOD WOMEN WHO WANTS TO MARRY ♪ ♪ AND THEY WANTS TO LIVE WELL 594 00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:43,619 WOMEN WHO WANTS TO MARRY ♪ ♪ AND THEY WANTS TO LIVE WELL AT HOME ♪ 595 00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:44,953 ♪ AND THEY WANTS TO LIVE WELL AT HOME ♪ ♪ BUT THEY'RE 'FRAID THEY'LL 596 00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:47,956 AT HOME ♪ ♪ BUT THEY'RE 'FRAID THEY'LL MIGHT GET HOLD OF A ROWDY MAN ♪ 597 00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:51,660 ♪ BUT THEY'RE 'FRAID THEY'LL MIGHT GET HOLD OF A ROWDY MAN ♪ ♪ CAN'T LET OTHER WOMEN ALONE ♪ 598 00:20:51,684 --> 00:20:53,795 MIGHT GET HOLD OF A ROWDY MAN ♪ ♪ CAN'T LET OTHER WOMEN ALONE ♪ ♪ AND THERE'S LOTS OF GOOD MEN 599 00:20:53,819 --> 00:20:55,531 ♪ CAN'T LET OTHER WOMEN ALONE ♪ ♪ AND THERE'S LOTS OF GOOD MEN NOW WANTS TO MARRY ♪ 600 00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:57,866 ♪ AND THERE'S LOTS OF GOOD MEN NOW WANTS TO MARRY ♪ ♪ AND THEY WANTS TO LIVE WELL 601 00:20:57,890 --> 00:20:59,768 NOW WANTS TO MARRY ♪ ♪ AND THEY WANTS TO LIVE WELL AT HOME ♪ 602 00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:01,370 ♪ AND THEY WANTS TO LIVE WELL AT HOME ♪ ♪ BUT EVERY TIME THEY TURN THEIR 603 00:21:01,394 --> 00:21:03,539 AT HOME ♪ ♪ BUT EVERY TIME THEY TURN THEIR BACK, THERE'S A MAN THERE 604 00:21:03,563 --> 00:21:07,776 ♪ BUT EVERY TIME THEY TURN THEIR BACK, THERE'S A MAN THERE ASKIN', "DARLIN', IS HE GONE?" ♪ 605 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:11,447 BACK, THERE'S A MAN THERE ASKIN', "DARLIN', IS HE GONE?" ♪ ♪ MMM, OH, NO ♪ 606 00:21:11,471 --> 00:21:13,315 ASKIN', "DARLIN', IS HE GONE?" ♪ ♪ MMM, OH, NO ♪ ♪ IT'S NOT HARD FOR YOU 607 00:21:13,339 --> 00:21:15,551 ♪ MMM, OH, NO ♪ ♪ IT'S NOT HARD FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND ♪ 608 00:21:15,575 --> 00:21:18,721 ♪ IT'S NOT HARD FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND ♪ ♪ TRUE LOVE CAN BE SUCH A SWEET 609 00:21:18,745 --> 00:21:21,624 TO UNDERSTAND ♪ ♪ TRUE LOVE CAN BE SUCH A SWEET HARMONY IF YOU DO THE BEST 610 00:21:21,648 --> 00:21:23,825 ♪ TRUE LOVE CAN BE SUCH A SWEET HARMONY IF YOU DO THE BEST THAT YOU CAN ♪ 611 00:21:23,849 --> 00:21:27,529 HARMONY IF YOU DO THE BEST THAT YOU CAN ♪ ♪ MMM, OH, NO ♪ 612 00:21:27,553 --> 00:21:29,465 THAT YOU CAN ♪ ♪ MMM, OH, NO ♪ ♪ IT'S NOT HARD FOR YOU 613 00:21:29,489 --> 00:21:31,634 ♪ MMM, OH, NO ♪ ♪ IT'S NOT HARD FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND ♪ 614 00:21:31,658 --> 00:21:34,903 ♪ IT'S NOT HARD FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND ♪ ♪ TRUE LOVE CAN BE SUCH A SWEET 615 00:21:34,927 --> 00:21:37,740 TO UNDERSTAND ♪ ♪ TRUE LOVE CAN BE SUCH A SWEET HARMONY IF YOU DO THE BEST 616 00:21:37,764 --> 00:21:40,631 ♪ TRUE LOVE CAN BE SUCH A SWEET HARMONY IF YOU DO THE BEST THAT YOU CAN ♪ 617 00:22:04,756 --> 00:22:07,057 [APPLAUSE] 618 00:22:18,937 --> 00:22:24,453 NEXT WEEK, PAUL SIMON RETURNS TO HOST "SATURDAY NIGHT." HIS SPECIAL GUEST WILL BE 619 00:22:24,477 --> 00:22:26,087 TO HOST "SATURDAY NIGHT." HIS SPECIAL GUEST WILL BE GEORGE HARRISON. 620 00:22:26,111 --> 00:22:27,989 HIS SPECIAL GUEST WILL BE GEORGE HARRISON. IT'S GONNA BE TERRIFIC. 621 00:22:28,013 --> 00:22:29,973 GEORGE HARRISON. IT'S GONNA BE TERRIFIC. [APPLAUSE] 622 00:22:32,250 --> 00:22:36,587 Announcer: AND NOW, "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH JANE CURTIN. 623 00:22:55,073 --> 00:23:00,723 OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... THE POST OFFICE ANNOUNCED TODAY THAT IN HONOR OF THE BICENTENNIAL, IT 624 00:23:00,747 --> 00:23:02,424 POST OFFICE ANNOUNCED TODAY THAT IN HONOR OF THE BICENTENNIAL, IT IS GOING TO REISSUE A STAMP 625 00:23:02,448 --> 00:23:04,226 IN HONOR OF THE BICENTENNIAL, IT IS GOING TO REISSUE A STAMP COMMEMORATING PROSTITUTION IN 626 00:23:04,250 --> 00:23:05,427 IS GOING TO REISSUE A STAMP COMMEMORATING PROSTITUTION IN THE UNITED STATES. 627 00:23:05,451 --> 00:23:07,396 COMMEMORATING PROSTITUTION IN THE UNITED STATES. IT'S A 10-CENT STAMP, BUT IF YOU 628 00:23:07,420 --> 00:23:10,700 THE UNITED STATES. IT'S A 10-CENT STAMP, BUT IF YOU WANT TO LICK IT, IT'S A QUARTER. 629 00:23:13,592 --> 00:23:19,475 FOLLOWING THE FINAL ELECTION RETURNS LAST WEEK, GERALD FORD MADE A PRIVATE TELEPHONE CALL TO 630 00:23:19,499 --> 00:23:21,477 RETURNS LAST WEEK, GERALD FORD MADE A PRIVATE TELEPHONE CALL TO RICHARD NIXON AT SAN CLEMENTE. 631 00:23:21,501 --> 00:23:23,545 MADE A PRIVATE TELEPHONE CALL TO RICHARD NIXON AT SAN CLEMENTE. OUR SOURCES REPORT THAT THE EX- 632 00:23:23,569 --> 00:23:25,381 RICHARD NIXON AT SAN CLEMENTE. OUR SOURCES REPORT THAT THE EX- AND SOON-TO-BE EX-PRESIDENT 633 00:23:25,405 --> 00:23:27,215 OUR SOURCES REPORT THAT THE EX- AND SOON-TO-BE EX-PRESIDENT DISCUSSED PLANS FOR RUNNING 634 00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:29,217 AND SOON-TO-BE EX-PRESIDENT DISCUSSED PLANS FOR RUNNING TOGETHER IN 1980 BUT COULDN'T 635 00:23:29,241 --> 00:23:32,954 DISCUSSED PLANS FOR RUNNING TOGETHER IN 1980 BUT COULDN'T DECIDE WHAT COUNTRY TO DO IT IN. 636 00:23:32,978 --> 00:23:34,923 TOGETHER IN 1980 BUT COULDN'T DECIDE WHAT COUNTRY TO DO IT IN. NOW THAT THE ELECTIONS ARE OVER, 637 00:23:34,947 --> 00:23:36,692 DECIDE WHAT COUNTRY TO DO IT IN. NOW THAT THE ELECTIONS ARE OVER, PEOPLE ARE OBVIOUSLY EXCITED 638 00:23:36,716 --> 00:23:38,494 NOW THAT THE ELECTIONS ARE OVER, PEOPLE ARE OBVIOUSLY EXCITED ABOUT THE IMPENDING CHANGE IN 639 00:23:38,518 --> 00:23:40,462 PEOPLE ARE OBVIOUSLY EXCITED ABOUT THE IMPENDING CHANGE IN ADMINISTRATIONS, BUT NOT WITHOUT 640 00:23:40,486 --> 00:23:41,630 ABOUT THE IMPENDING CHANGE IN ADMINISTRATIONS, BUT NOT WITHOUT CAUTION, HOWEVER. 641 00:23:41,654 --> 00:23:43,465 ADMINISTRATIONS, BUT NOT WITHOUT CAUTION, HOWEVER. STUDENTS ARE SHOWN HERE PARADING 642 00:23:43,489 --> 00:23:44,800 CAUTION, HOWEVER. STUDENTS ARE SHOWN HERE PARADING THROUGH THE STREETS OF 643 00:23:44,824 --> 00:23:46,402 STUDENTS ARE SHOWN HERE PARADING THROUGH THE STREETS OF WASHINGTON WITH THE HEAD OF 644 00:23:46,426 --> 00:23:48,236 THROUGH THE STREETS OF WASHINGTON WITH THE HEAD OF JERRY FORD, WHO THEY DECAPITATED 645 00:23:48,260 --> 00:23:49,872 WASHINGTON WITH THE HEAD OF JERRY FORD, WHO THEY DECAPITATED AS A WARNING TO JIMMY CARTER 646 00:23:49,896 --> 00:23:53,642 JERRY FORD, WHO THEY DECAPITATED AS A WARNING TO JIMMY CARTER THAT HE'D BETTER WATCH HIMSELF. 647 00:23:53,666 --> 00:23:55,411 AS A WARNING TO JIMMY CARTER THAT HE'D BETTER WATCH HIMSELF. MANY REPUBLICANS ARE BLAMING 648 00:23:55,435 --> 00:23:57,379 THAT HE'D BETTER WATCH HIMSELF. MANY REPUBLICANS ARE BLAMING SENATOR ROBERT DOLE FOR THE LOSS 649 00:23:57,403 --> 00:23:59,214 MANY REPUBLICANS ARE BLAMING SENATOR ROBERT DOLE FOR THE LOSS OF THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION. 650 00:23:59,238 --> 00:24:00,883 SENATOR ROBERT DOLE FOR THE LOSS OF THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION. DOLE DENIES THAT HE WAS A MINUS 651 00:24:00,907 --> 00:24:02,350 OF THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION. DOLE DENIES THAT HE WAS A MINUS RATHER THAN A PLUS ON THIS 652 00:24:02,374 --> 00:24:04,019 DOLE DENIES THAT HE WAS A MINUS RATHER THAN A PLUS ON THIS YEAR'S TICKET BY SAYING THAT IF 653 00:24:04,043 --> 00:24:05,487 RATHER THAN A PLUS ON THIS YEAR'S TICKET BY SAYING THAT IF IT HAD BEEN CARTER/MONDALE 654 00:24:05,511 --> 00:24:07,122 YEAR'S TICKET BY SAYING THAT IF IT HAD BEEN CARTER/MONDALE AGAINST JUST FORD, MANY VOTERS 655 00:24:07,146 --> 00:24:08,524 IT HAD BEEN CARTER/MONDALE AGAINST JUST FORD, MANY VOTERS WOULD HAVE CRITICIZED THE 656 00:24:08,548 --> 00:24:09,958 AGAINST JUST FORD, MANY VOTERS WOULD HAVE CRITICIZED THE PRESIDENT FOR NOT HAVING A 657 00:24:09,982 --> 00:24:15,798 WOULD HAVE CRITICIZED THE PRESIDENT FOR NOT HAVING A RUNNING MATE. 658 00:24:15,822 --> 00:24:17,666 PRESIDENT FOR NOT HAVING A RUNNING MATE. WELL, THE LARGEST PRIEST IN THE 659 00:24:17,690 --> 00:24:19,535 RUNNING MATE. WELL, THE LARGEST PRIEST IN THE WORLD TURNED VENTRILOQUIST THIS 660 00:24:19,559 --> 00:24:20,068 WELL, THE LARGEST PRIEST IN THE WORLD TURNED VENTRILOQUIST THIS WEEK. 661 00:24:20,092 --> 00:24:21,937 WORLD TURNED VENTRILOQUIST THIS WEEK. A HIGHLIGHT OF HIS NEW ACT WILL 662 00:24:21,961 --> 00:24:23,806 WEEK. A HIGHLIGHT OF HIS NEW ACT WILL BE DRINKING A GLASS OF WINE AND 663 00:24:23,830 --> 00:24:25,641 A HIGHLIGHT OF HIS NEW ACT WILL BE DRINKING A GLASS OF WINE AND SINGING "I GOTTA BE ME" AT THE 664 00:24:25,665 --> 00:24:28,811 BE DRINKING A GLASS OF WINE AND SINGING "I GOTTA BE ME" AT THE SAME TIME. 665 00:24:28,835 --> 00:24:30,779 SINGING "I GOTTA BE ME" AT THE SAME TIME. ACTRESS SALLY FIELD IS MAKING A 666 00:24:30,803 --> 00:24:32,548 SAME TIME. ACTRESS SALLY FIELD IS MAKING A COMEBACK IN A 4-HOUR DRAMA, 667 00:24:32,572 --> 00:24:34,550 ACTRESS SALLY FIELD IS MAKING A COMEBACK IN A 4-HOUR DRAMA, "SYBIL," TO BE TELEVISED ON NBC. 668 00:24:34,574 --> 00:24:36,485 COMEBACK IN A 4-HOUR DRAMA, "SYBIL," TO BE TELEVISED ON NBC. ADAPTED FROM THE BOOK, "SYBIL" 669 00:24:36,509 --> 00:24:38,520 "SYBIL," TO BE TELEVISED ON NBC. ADAPTED FROM THE BOOK, "SYBIL" IS THE STORY OF A WOMAN WHO TOOK 670 00:24:38,544 --> 00:24:39,988 ADAPTED FROM THE BOOK, "SYBIL" IS THE STORY OF A WOMAN WHO TOOK REFUGE IN 16 DIFFERENT 671 00:24:40,012 --> 00:24:41,022 IS THE STORY OF A WOMAN WHO TOOK REFUGE IN 16 DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES. 672 00:24:41,046 --> 00:24:42,825 REFUGE IN 16 DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES. SALLY WELCOMES THE CHALLENGE OF 673 00:24:42,849 --> 00:24:44,359 PERSONALITIES. SALLY WELCOMES THE CHALLENGE OF THIS ROLE AND FEELS SHE IS 674 00:24:44,383 --> 00:24:46,194 SALLY WELCOMES THE CHALLENGE OF THIS ROLE AND FEELS SHE IS COMPETENT TO PULL IT OFF, AS SHE 675 00:24:46,218 --> 00:24:47,830 THIS ROLE AND FEELS SHE IS COMPETENT TO PULL IT OFF, AS SHE RECENTLY TOLD THIS REPORTER... 676 00:24:47,854 --> 00:24:49,498 COMPETENT TO PULL IT OFF, AS SHE RECENTLY TOLD THIS REPORTER... "THANK YOU, IT'S NICE TO BE 677 00:24:49,522 --> 00:24:50,031 RECENTLY TOLD THIS REPORTER... "THANK YOU, IT'S NICE TO BE HERE. 678 00:24:50,055 --> 00:24:51,934 "THANK YOU, IT'S NICE TO BE HERE. SHOULD I CHECK YOUR OIL, MA'AM? 679 00:24:51,958 --> 00:24:53,869 HERE. SHOULD I CHECK YOUR OIL, MA'AM? AND NOW IT'S TIME TO PLAY DOUBLE 680 00:24:53,893 --> 00:24:54,603 SHOULD I CHECK YOUR OIL, MA'AM? AND NOW IT'S TIME TO PLAY DOUBLE JEOPARDY. 681 00:24:54,627 --> 00:24:57,205 AND NOW IT'S TIME TO PLAY DOUBLE JEOPARDY. WE'LL CALL THE BABY 'JESUS.' 682 00:24:57,229 --> 00:24:58,941 JEOPARDY. WE'LL CALL THE BABY 'JESUS.' [SPEAKING FRENCH] 683 00:24:58,965 --> 00:25:00,642 WE'LL CALL THE BABY 'JESUS.' [SPEAKING FRENCH] FRANKLIN, STOP PLAYING WITH FIRE 684 00:25:00,666 --> 00:25:01,610 [SPEAKING FRENCH] FRANKLIN, STOP PLAYING WITH FIRE AND COME TO BED! 685 00:25:01,634 --> 00:25:03,345 FRANKLIN, STOP PLAYING WITH FIRE AND COME TO BED! [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 686 00:25:03,369 --> 00:25:04,646 AND COME TO BED! [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] I DO. 687 00:25:04,670 --> 00:25:06,314 [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] I DO. WHO WAS THAT MASKED MAN? 688 00:25:06,338 --> 00:25:08,416 I DO. WHO WAS THAT MASKED MAN? I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND YOU'RE NOT. 689 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:09,952 WHO WAS THAT MASKED MAN? I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND YOU'RE NOT. COME ON, SANDY, WE GOTTA FIND 690 00:25:09,976 --> 00:25:10,853 I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND YOU'RE NOT. COME ON, SANDY, WE GOTTA FIND DADDY WARBUCKS! 691 00:25:10,877 --> 00:25:13,221 COME ON, SANDY, WE GOTTA FIND DADDY WARBUCKS! $20 FOR ME, $10 FOR THE HOTEL. 692 00:25:13,245 --> 00:25:15,524 DADDY WARBUCKS! $20 FOR ME, $10 FOR THE HOTEL. EVERY BOY WANTS A HASBRO TOY. 693 00:25:15,548 --> 00:25:16,658 $20 FOR ME, $10 FOR THE HOTEL. EVERY BOY WANTS A HASBRO TOY. HEY, ABBOTT! 694 00:25:16,682 --> 00:25:18,961 EVERY BOY WANTS A HASBRO TOY. HEY, ABBOTT! I AM NOT A CROOK. 695 00:25:18,985 --> 00:25:20,496 HEY, ABBOTT! I AM NOT A CROOK. LASSIE, IT'S ME, TIMMY! 696 00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:22,430 I AM NOT A CROOK. LASSIE, IT'S ME, TIMMY! AND AS GOD AS MY WITNESS, I'LL 697 00:25:22,454 --> 00:25:24,900 LASSIE, IT'S ME, TIMMY! AND AS GOD AS MY WITNESS, I'LL NEVER BE HUNGRY AGAIN." 698 00:25:24,924 --> 00:25:29,070 AND AS GOD AS MY WITNESS, I'LL NEVER BE HUNGRY AGAIN." [APPLAUSE] 699 00:25:29,094 --> 00:25:31,507 NEVER BE HUNGRY AGAIN." [APPLAUSE] MEMBERS OF THE PLAINS BAPTIST 700 00:25:31,531 --> 00:25:33,509 [APPLAUSE] MEMBERS OF THE PLAINS BAPTIST CHURCH, WHICH... HELLO. 701 00:25:33,533 --> 00:25:36,144 MEMBERS OF THE PLAINS BAPTIST CHURCH, WHICH... HELLO. MEMBERS OF THE PLAINS BAPTIST... 702 00:25:36,168 --> 00:25:38,046 CHURCH, WHICH... HELLO. MEMBERS OF THE PLAINS BAPTIST... HELLO. 703 00:25:38,070 --> 00:25:39,848 MEMBERS OF THE PLAINS BAPTIST... HELLO. MEMBERS OF THE PLAINS BAPTIST 704 00:25:39,872 --> 00:25:41,683 HELLO. MEMBERS OF THE PLAINS BAPTIST CHURCH, WHICH JIMMY CARTER HAS 705 00:25:41,707 --> 00:25:43,619 MEMBERS OF THE PLAINS BAPTIST CHURCH, WHICH JIMMY CARTER HAS ATTENDED ALL HIS LIFE, WILL MEET 706 00:25:43,643 --> 00:25:45,420 CHURCH, WHICH JIMMY CARTER HAS ATTENDED ALL HIS LIFE, WILL MEET TOMORROW MORNING TO DECIDE ON 707 00:25:45,444 --> 00:25:47,255 ATTENDED ALL HIS LIFE, WILL MEET TOMORROW MORNING TO DECIDE ON WHETHER OR NOT TO ADMIT BLACKS 708 00:25:47,279 --> 00:25:48,557 TOMORROW MORNING TO DECIDE ON WHETHER OR NOT TO ADMIT BLACKS TO THE CONGREGATION. 709 00:25:48,581 --> 00:25:50,425 WHETHER OR NOT TO ADMIT BLACKS TO THE CONGREGATION. VILLAGE RESIDENTS ARE OPTIMISTIC 710 00:25:50,449 --> 00:25:51,960 TO THE CONGREGATION. VILLAGE RESIDENTS ARE OPTIMISTIC ABOUT THE DECISION, AS THE 711 00:25:51,984 --> 00:25:53,762 VILLAGE RESIDENTS ARE OPTIMISTIC ABOUT THE DECISION, AS THE CHURCH BAPTISMAL BASIN IS BEING 712 00:25:53,786 --> 00:25:55,096 ABOUT THE DECISION, AS THE CHURCH BAPTISMAL BASIN IS BEING STOCKED THIS WEEK WITH 713 00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:56,865 CHURCH BAPTISMAL BASIN IS BEING STOCKED THIS WEEK WITH ALLIGATORS SHIPPED IN FROM THE 714 00:25:56,889 --> 00:25:58,066 STOCKED THIS WEEK WITH ALLIGATORS SHIPPED IN FROM THE FLORIDA EVERGLADES. 715 00:25:58,090 --> 00:25:59,635 ALLIGATORS SHIPPED IN FROM THE FLORIDA EVERGLADES. WE COULD TRY THAT AGAIN ON THAT 716 00:25:59,659 --> 00:26:05,140 FLORIDA EVERGLADES. WE COULD TRY THAT AGAIN ON THAT CAMERA AND SEE IF... OH, HELLO. 717 00:26:05,164 --> 00:26:07,142 WE COULD TRY THAT AGAIN ON THAT CAMERA AND SEE IF... OH, HELLO. IN A TRAGIC NOTE THIS WEEK, IT 718 00:26:07,166 --> 00:26:09,077 CAMERA AND SEE IF... OH, HELLO. IN A TRAGIC NOTE THIS WEEK, IT WAS DISCOVERED THAT THE DEATH 719 00:26:09,101 --> 00:26:11,112 IN A TRAGIC NOTE THIS WEEK, IT WAS DISCOVERED THAT THE DEATH OF SMOKEY THE BEAR WAS ACTUALLY 720 00:26:11,136 --> 00:26:12,748 WAS DISCOVERED THAT THE DEATH OF SMOKEY THE BEAR WAS ACTUALLY A SUICIDE. 721 00:26:12,772 --> 00:26:14,315 OF SMOKEY THE BEAR WAS ACTUALLY A SUICIDE. THE VETERAN FIREFIGHTER WAS 722 00:26:14,339 --> 00:26:15,884 A SUICIDE. THE VETERAN FIREFIGHTER WAS DESPONDENT OVER HIS FAILING 723 00:26:15,908 --> 00:26:17,452 THE VETERAN FIREFIGHTER WAS DESPONDENT OVER HIS FAILING HEALTH, A CONDITION DOCTORS 724 00:26:17,476 --> 00:26:19,187 DESPONDENT OVER HIS FAILING HEALTH, A CONDITION DOCTORS DESCRIBED AS CHRONIC INSOMNIA. 725 00:26:19,211 --> 00:26:20,989 HEALTH, A CONDITION DOCTORS DESCRIBED AS CHRONIC INSOMNIA. SMOKEY HADN'T SLEPT FOR THE PAST 726 00:26:21,013 --> 00:26:22,524 DESCRIBED AS CHRONIC INSOMNIA. SMOKEY HADN'T SLEPT FOR THE PAST THREE WINTERS, LEAVING HIM 727 00:26:22,548 --> 00:26:24,192 SMOKEY HADN'T SLEPT FOR THE PAST THREE WINTERS, LEAVING HIM RESTLESS, CONFUSED, AND QUITE 728 00:26:24,216 --> 00:26:25,961 THREE WINTERS, LEAVING HIM RESTLESS, CONFUSED, AND QUITE INCOHERENT, AS INDICATED IN HIS 729 00:26:25,985 --> 00:26:27,395 RESTLESS, CONFUSED, AND QUITE INCOHERENT, AS INDICATED IN HIS SUICIDE NOTE WHICH READ, 730 00:26:27,419 --> 00:26:29,431 INCOHERENT, AS INDICATED IN HIS SUICIDE NOTE WHICH READ, "REMEMBER, ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT 731 00:26:29,455 --> 00:26:33,735 SUICIDE NOTE WHICH READ, "REMEMBER, ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT FORREST TUCKER." 732 00:26:33,759 --> 00:26:35,771 "REMEMBER, ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT FORREST TUCKER." FOR MORE ON THIS STORY, WE TAKE 733 00:26:35,795 --> 00:26:37,573 FORREST TUCKER." FOR MORE ON THIS STORY, WE TAKE YOU NOW TO LINCOLN NATIONAL 734 00:26:37,597 --> 00:26:39,307 FOR MORE ON THIS STORY, WE TAKE YOU NOW TO LINCOLN NATIONAL FOREST IN NEW MEXICO, WITH 735 00:26:39,331 --> 00:26:41,209 YOU NOW TO LINCOLN NATIONAL FOREST IN NEW MEXICO, WITH CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN. 736 00:26:41,233 --> 00:26:42,910 FOREST IN NEW MEXICO, WITH CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN. [CRICKETS CHIRPING] 737 00:26:42,934 --> 00:26:44,835 JANE, I'M STANDING HERE IN 738 00:26:44,970 --> 00:26:46,670 NEW MEXICO AT THE SITE OF THE 739 00:26:46,805 --> 00:26:49,239 FUNERAL FOR SMOKEY THE BEAR. 740 00:26:49,507 --> 00:26:54,556 IT WAS A TOUCHING SERVICE ATTENDED BY CLOSE FRIENDS AS WELL AS CELEBRITIES INCLUDING 741 00:26:54,580 --> 00:26:56,825 ATTENDED BY CLOSE FRIENDS AS WELL AS CELEBRITIES INCLUDING BAMBI, THUMPER, 742 00:26:56,849 --> 00:26:59,360 WELL AS CELEBRITIES INCLUDING BAMBI, THUMPER, PETER COTTONTAIL, REDD FOXX, 743 00:26:59,384 --> 00:27:03,865 BAMBI, THUMPER, PETER COTTONTAIL, REDD FOXX, MAX BAER, AND BEAVER CLEAVER. 744 00:27:03,889 --> 00:27:05,734 PETER COTTONTAIL, REDD FOXX, MAX BAER, AND BEAVER CLEAVER. YOU KNOW, ODDLY ENOUGH, JANE, 745 00:27:05,758 --> 00:27:07,736 MAX BAER, AND BEAVER CLEAVER. YOU KNOW, ODDLY ENOUGH, JANE, SMOKEY'S LAST REQUEST WAS TO BE 746 00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:08,503 YOU KNOW, ODDLY ENOUGH, JANE, SMOKEY'S LAST REQUEST WAS TO BE CREMATED. 747 00:27:08,527 --> 00:27:09,972 SMOKEY'S LAST REQUEST WAS TO BE CREMATED. HE WANTED IT THAT WAY. 748 00:27:09,996 --> 00:27:11,740 CREMATED. HE WANTED IT THAT WAY. SMOKEY WAS ALWAYS CONCERNED 749 00:27:11,764 --> 00:27:13,675 HE WANTED IT THAT WAY. SMOKEY WAS ALWAYS CONCERNED ABOUT ECOLOGY AND FIGURED THAT 750 00:27:13,699 --> 00:27:15,611 SMOKEY WAS ALWAYS CONCERNED ABOUT ECOLOGY AND FIGURED THAT HIS REMAINS SHOULD NOT TAKE UP 751 00:27:15,635 --> 00:27:17,679 ABOUT ECOLOGY AND FIGURED THAT HIS REMAINS SHOULD NOT TAKE UP PRECIOUS LAND SPACE WITH A 752 00:27:17,703 --> 00:27:18,480 HIS REMAINS SHOULD NOT TAKE UP PRECIOUS LAND SPACE WITH A BURIAL. 753 00:27:18,504 --> 00:27:20,682 PRECIOUS LAND SPACE WITH A BURIAL. SO A SIMPLE CREMATION IT IS, 754 00:27:20,706 --> 00:27:22,818 BURIAL. SO A SIMPLE CREMATION IT IS, JANE, AS THIS BELOVED CIVIL 755 00:27:22,842 --> 00:27:24,686 SO A SIMPLE CREMATION IT IS, JANE, AS THIS BELOVED CIVIL SERVANT IS NOW GONE BUT 756 00:27:24,710 --> 00:27:27,288 JANE, AS THIS BELOVED CIVIL SERVANT IS NOW GONE BUT DEFINITELY NOT FORGOTTEN. 757 00:27:27,312 --> 00:27:29,190 SERVANT IS NOW GONE BUT DEFINITELY NOT FORGOTTEN. AND SO, SMOKEY THE BEAR, WHO 758 00:27:29,214 --> 00:27:31,026 DEFINITELY NOT FORGOTTEN. AND SO, SMOKEY THE BEAR, WHO SPENT HIS LIFE PROWLIN' AND 759 00:27:31,050 --> 00:27:32,995 AND SO, SMOKEY THE BEAR, WHO SPENT HIS LIFE PROWLIN' AND A-GROWLIN' AND A-SNIFFIN' THE 760 00:27:33,019 --> 00:27:34,896 SPENT HIS LIFE PROWLIN' AND A-GROWLIN' AND A-SNIFFIN' THE AIR, HE COULD SMELL A FIRE 761 00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:36,798 A-GROWLIN' AND A-SNIFFIN' THE AIR, HE COULD SMELL A FIRE BEFORE IT STARTS TO FLAME, 762 00:27:36,822 --> 00:27:38,867 AIR, HE COULD SMELL A FIRE BEFORE IT STARTS TO FLAME, THAT'S THE WAY THEY CALL HIM, 763 00:27:38,891 --> 00:27:40,969 BEFORE IT STARTS TO FLAME, THAT'S THE WAY THEY CALL HIM, SMOKEY, THAT'S HOW HE GOT HIS 764 00:27:40,993 --> 00:27:41,536 THAT'S THE WAY THEY CALL HIM, SMOKEY, THAT'S HOW HE GOT HIS NAME. 765 00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:44,172 SMOKEY, THAT'S HOW HE GOT HIS NAME. BACK TO YOU, JANE. 766 00:27:44,196 --> 00:27:48,076 NAME. BACK TO YOU, JANE. [APPLAUSE] 767 00:27:48,100 --> 00:27:50,478 BACK TO YOU, JANE. [APPLAUSE] AND WITH SMOKEY'S DEATH, SO 768 00:27:50,502 --> 00:27:52,881 [APPLAUSE] AND WITH SMOKEY'S DEATH, SO ENDS THE 26-YEAR MORATORIUM ON 769 00:27:52,905 --> 00:27:54,116 AND WITH SMOKEY'S DEATH, SO ENDS THE 26-YEAR MORATORIUM ON FOREST FIRES. 770 00:27:54,140 --> 00:27:56,451 ENDS THE 26-YEAR MORATORIUM ON FOREST FIRES. A POSTSCRIPT TO THIS STORY... 771 00:27:56,475 --> 00:27:58,319 FOREST FIRES. A POSTSCRIPT TO THIS STORY... WEEKEND UPDATE HAS JUST LEARNED 772 00:27:58,343 --> 00:27:59,621 A POSTSCRIPT TO THIS STORY... WEEKEND UPDATE HAS JUST LEARNED THAT SMOKEY'S JOB AS 773 00:27:59,645 --> 00:28:01,422 WEEKEND UPDATE HAS JUST LEARNED THAT SMOKEY'S JOB AS FIRE-PREVENTION SYMBOL WILL BE 774 00:28:01,446 --> 00:28:02,891 THAT SMOKEY'S JOB AS FIRE-PREVENTION SYMBOL WILL BE TAKEN OVER BY NBC's OWN 775 00:28:02,915 --> 00:28:04,960 FIRE-PREVENTION SYMBOL WILL BE TAKEN OVER BY NBC's OWN GENE SHALIT. 776 00:28:04,984 --> 00:28:07,796 TAKEN OVER BY NBC's OWN GENE SHALIT. [APPLAUSE] 777 00:28:07,820 --> 00:28:09,497 GENE SHALIT. [APPLAUSE] STILL TO COME... GENERAL 778 00:28:09,521 --> 00:28:11,633 [APPLAUSE] STILL TO COME... GENERAL WILLIAM WESTMORELAND ON HIS WAY 779 00:28:11,657 --> 00:28:13,601 STILL TO COME... GENERAL WILLIAM WESTMORELAND ON HIS WAY TO A UTAH FIRING SQUAD AFTER 780 00:28:13,625 --> 00:28:16,437 WILLIAM WESTMORELAND ON HIS WAY TO A UTAH FIRING SQUAD AFTER THIS MESSAGE. 781 00:28:16,461 --> 00:28:19,830 TO A UTAH FIRING SQUAD AFTER THIS MESSAGE. ["THE MARINES' HYMN" PLAYING] 782 00:28:44,355 --> 00:28:46,523 [MUSIC CONTINUES] 783 00:28:58,603 --> 00:29:00,838 Announcer: THE MARINES... 784 00:29:05,443 --> 00:29:07,344 [APPLAUSE] 785 00:29:11,783 --> 00:29:16,865 OUR FINAL STORY IS THE KIND OF STORY WE LIKE TO SEE IN THIS AGE WHEN ALL YOU HEAR ABOUT 786 00:29:16,889 --> 00:29:18,600 OF STORY WE LIKE TO SEE IN THIS AGE WHEN ALL YOU HEAR ABOUT NEW YORKERS IS THAT THEY JUST 787 00:29:18,624 --> 00:29:20,202 AGE WHEN ALL YOU HEAR ABOUT NEW YORKERS IS THAT THEY JUST DON'T WANT TO GET INVOLVED. 788 00:29:20,226 --> 00:29:22,104 NEW YORKERS IS THAT THEY JUST DON'T WANT TO GET INVOLVED. WELL, VIETNAM VET TONY HERNANDEZ 789 00:29:22,128 --> 00:29:23,839 DON'T WANT TO GET INVOLVED. WELL, VIETNAM VET TONY HERNANDEZ WAS WALKING HOME TO HIS SOUTH 790 00:29:23,863 --> 00:29:25,640 WELL, VIETNAM VET TONY HERNANDEZ WAS WALKING HOME TO HIS SOUTH BRONX APARTMENT LAST NIGHT WHEN 791 00:29:25,664 --> 00:29:27,075 WAS WALKING HOME TO HIS SOUTH BRONX APARTMENT LAST NIGHT WHEN HE HEARD THE SCREAMS OF 792 00:29:27,099 --> 00:29:29,244 BRONX APARTMENT LAST NIGHT WHEN HE HEARD THE SCREAMS OF 23-YEAR-OLD VICKY HAMEL, WHO WAS 793 00:29:29,268 --> 00:29:31,246 HE HEARD THE SCREAMS OF 23-YEAR-OLD VICKY HAMEL, WHO WAS BEING RAPED AT KNIFEPOINT BY A 794 00:29:31,270 --> 00:29:32,748 23-YEAR-OLD VICKY HAMEL, WHO WAS BEING RAPED AT KNIFEPOINT BY A 300-POUND ASSAILANT. 795 00:29:32,772 --> 00:29:34,850 BEING RAPED AT KNIFEPOINT BY A 300-POUND ASSAILANT. WELL, HERNANDEZ INTERCEDED, THE 796 00:29:34,874 --> 00:29:36,852 300-POUND ASSAILANT. WELL, HERNANDEZ INTERCEDED, THE ASSAILANT KNIFED HIM TO DEATH, 797 00:29:36,876 --> 00:29:38,920 WELL, HERNANDEZ INTERCEDED, THE ASSAILANT KNIFED HIM TO DEATH, AND CONTINUED WITH MISS HAMEL. 798 00:29:38,944 --> 00:29:40,622 ASSAILANT KNIFED HIM TO DEATH, AND CONTINUED WITH MISS HAMEL. YOU JUST DON'T HEAR STORIES LIKE 799 00:29:40,646 --> 00:29:42,157 AND CONTINUED WITH MISS HAMEL. YOU JUST DON'T HEAR STORIES LIKE THAT ANYMORE. 800 00:29:42,181 --> 00:29:43,591 YOU JUST DON'T HEAR STORIES LIKE THAT ANYMORE. GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT 801 00:29:43,615 --> 00:29:45,026 THAT ANYMORE. GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW. 802 00:29:45,050 --> 00:29:47,010 GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW. [APPLAUSE] 803 00:29:53,291 --> 00:30:01,291 [CHURCH ORGAN PLAYING] [Irish accent] ALL OF US AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER REACH A 804 00:30:03,035 --> 00:30:04,646 [Irish accent] ALL OF US AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER REACH A CROSSROAD, A TIME TO DECIDE 805 00:30:04,670 --> 00:30:06,481 ONE TIME OR ANOTHER REACH A CROSSROAD, A TIME TO DECIDE WHICH PATH ONE WILL TAKE DURING 806 00:30:06,505 --> 00:30:07,482 CROSSROAD, A TIME TO DECIDE WHICH PATH ONE WILL TAKE DURING ONE'S LIFETIME. 807 00:30:07,506 --> 00:30:09,184 WHICH PATH ONE WILL TAKE DURING ONE'S LIFETIME. BUT WHILE THE LORD GUIDES US 808 00:30:09,208 --> 00:30:10,886 ONE'S LIFETIME. BUT WHILE THE LORD GUIDES US WITH HIS SPIRIT, WE ALSO HAVE 809 00:30:10,910 --> 00:30:12,788 BUT WHILE THE LORD GUIDES US WITH HIS SPIRIT, WE ALSO HAVE FREE WILL TO HELP DETERMINE OUR 810 00:30:12,812 --> 00:30:13,288 WITH HIS SPIRIT, WE ALSO HAVE FREE WILL TO HELP DETERMINE OUR FATE. 811 00:30:13,312 --> 00:30:15,857 FREE WILL TO HELP DETERMINE OUR FATE. THIS FAMILY IS ABOUT TO CONFRONT 812 00:30:15,881 --> 00:30:17,025 FATE. THIS FAMILY IS ABOUT TO CONFRONT A CROSSROAD. 813 00:30:17,049 --> 00:30:19,194 THIS FAMILY IS ABOUT TO CONFRONT A CROSSROAD. LET US WATCH AND SEE HOW THEY 814 00:30:19,218 --> 00:30:25,901 A CROSSROAD. LET US WATCH AND SEE HOW THEY HANDLE THEIR PERSONAL CRISIS. 815 00:30:25,925 --> 00:30:26,634 LET US WATCH AND SEE HOW THEY HANDLE THEIR PERSONAL CRISIS. DAD? 816 00:30:26,658 --> 00:30:28,736 HANDLE THEIR PERSONAL CRISIS. DAD? DAD, CAN I SPEAK TO YOU FOR A 817 00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:29,470 DAD? DAD, CAN I SPEAK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE? 818 00:30:29,494 --> 00:30:31,506 DAD, CAN I SPEAK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE? YOU KNOW, THIS MIGHT COME AS 819 00:30:31,530 --> 00:30:33,474 MINUTE? YOU KNOW, THIS MIGHT COME AS QUITE A SHOCK TO YOU, BUT I 820 00:30:33,498 --> 00:30:35,610 YOU KNOW, THIS MIGHT COME AS QUITE A SHOCK TO YOU, BUT I THINK I'D LIKE TO QUIT SCHOOL. 821 00:30:35,634 --> 00:30:37,512 QUITE A SHOCK TO YOU, BUT I THINK I'D LIKE TO QUIT SCHOOL. I'M JUST NOT CUT OUT FOR IT, 822 00:30:37,536 --> 00:30:38,013 THINK I'D LIKE TO QUIT SCHOOL. I'M JUST NOT CUT OUT FOR IT, DAD. 823 00:30:38,037 --> 00:30:40,048 I'M JUST NOT CUT OUT FOR IT, DAD. YOU KNOW HOW HARD I TRIED, HOW 824 00:30:40,072 --> 00:30:42,117 DAD. YOU KNOW HOW HARD I TRIED, HOW I'VE STUDIED, BUT NO MATTER HOW 825 00:30:42,141 --> 00:30:45,420 YOU KNOW HOW HARD I TRIED, HOW I'VE STUDIED, BUT NO MATTER HOW HARD I WORK, I STILL DO POORLY. 826 00:30:45,444 --> 00:30:48,323 I'VE STUDIED, BUT NO MATTER HOW HARD I WORK, I STILL DO POORLY. LOOK, EVEN IF I STICK IT OUT AND 827 00:30:48,347 --> 00:30:51,726 HARD I WORK, I STILL DO POORLY. LOOK, EVEN IF I STICK IT OUT AND FINISH THE TERM AND GRADUATE, 828 00:30:51,750 --> 00:30:53,461 LOOK, EVEN IF I STICK IT OUT AND FINISH THE TERM AND GRADUATE, WHAT GOOD WILL IT DO? 829 00:30:53,485 --> 00:30:55,330 FINISH THE TERM AND GRADUATE, WHAT GOOD WILL IT DO? I'M JUST NOT COLLEGE MATERIAL, 830 00:30:55,354 --> 00:30:56,431 WHAT GOOD WILL IT DO? I'M JUST NOT COLLEGE MATERIAL, DAD. 831 00:30:56,455 --> 00:30:58,233 I'M JUST NOT COLLEGE MATERIAL, DAD. I'M AT THE AGE WHERE I CAN MAKE 832 00:30:58,257 --> 00:31:00,168 DAD. I'M AT THE AGE WHERE I CAN MAKE UP MY OWN MIND AND MAKE THE 833 00:31:00,192 --> 00:31:02,704 I'M AT THE AGE WHERE I CAN MAKE UP MY OWN MIND AND MAKE THE DECISIONS THAT'LL MAKE ME HAPPY. 834 00:31:02,728 --> 00:31:04,505 UP MY OWN MIND AND MAKE THE DECISIONS THAT'LL MAKE ME HAPPY. I SPOKE TO MR. HENDERSON TODAY, 835 00:31:04,529 --> 00:31:06,074 DECISIONS THAT'LL MAKE ME HAPPY. I SPOKE TO MR. HENDERSON TODAY, AND HE SAID HE COULD USE A 836 00:31:06,098 --> 00:31:07,843 I SPOKE TO MR. HENDERSON TODAY, AND HE SAID HE COULD USE A COUPLE OF NEW GUYS DOWN AT THE 837 00:31:07,867 --> 00:31:09,044 AND HE SAID HE COULD USE A COUPLE OF NEW GUYS DOWN AT THE CONSTRUCTION SITE. 838 00:31:09,068 --> 00:31:10,912 COUPLE OF NEW GUYS DOWN AT THE CONSTRUCTION SITE. HE COULD PULL A FEW STRINGS, AND 839 00:31:10,936 --> 00:31:12,780 CONSTRUCTION SITE. HE COULD PULL A FEW STRINGS, AND MAYBE LATER I COULD GET INTO THE 840 00:31:12,804 --> 00:31:13,348 HE COULD PULL A FEW STRINGS, AND MAYBE LATER I COULD GET INTO THE UNION. 841 00:31:13,372 --> 00:31:14,515 MAYBE LATER I COULD GET INTO THE UNION. THEN I'D BE MAKING SOME REAL 842 00:31:14,539 --> 00:31:15,817 UNION. THEN I'D BE MAKING SOME REAL MONEY, DAD. 843 00:31:15,841 --> 00:31:17,252 THEN I'D BE MAKING SOME REAL MONEY, DAD. IT WOULD HELP YOU, TOO. 844 00:31:17,276 --> 00:31:18,987 MONEY, DAD. IT WOULD HELP YOU, TOO. I COULD START PULLING MY OWN 845 00:31:19,011 --> 00:31:20,222 IT WOULD HELP YOU, TOO. I COULD START PULLING MY OWN WEIGHT AROUND HERE. 846 00:31:20,246 --> 00:31:22,157 I COULD START PULLING MY OWN WEIGHT AROUND HERE. YOU KNOW, PAY SOME BILLS AND 847 00:31:22,181 --> 00:31:22,690 WEIGHT AROUND HERE. YOU KNOW, PAY SOME BILLS AND ALL. 848 00:31:22,714 --> 00:31:24,092 YOU KNOW, PAY SOME BILLS AND ALL. IT'D BE GREAT, DAD. 849 00:31:24,116 --> 00:31:26,261 ALL. IT'D BE GREAT, DAD. I'D FEEL LIKE A MAN INSTEAD OF A 850 00:31:26,285 --> 00:31:28,330 IT'D BE GREAT, DAD. I'D FEEL LIKE A MAN INSTEAD OF A FAILURE, WHICH I AM AT SCHOOL, 851 00:31:28,354 --> 00:31:30,198 I'D FEEL LIKE A MAN INSTEAD OF A FAILURE, WHICH I AM AT SCHOOL, DAD. 852 00:31:30,222 --> 00:31:31,833 FAILURE, WHICH I AM AT SCHOOL, DAD. LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE 853 00:31:31,857 --> 00:31:33,068 DAD. LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE DISAPPOINTED. 854 00:31:33,092 --> 00:31:35,036 LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE DISAPPOINTED. DAD, YOU'VE TRIED TO MAKE IT 855 00:31:35,060 --> 00:31:37,205 DISAPPOINTED. DAD, YOU'VE TRIED TO MAKE IT EASIER FOR ME, EASIER FOR ME TO 856 00:31:37,229 --> 00:31:39,440 DAD, YOU'VE TRIED TO MAKE IT EASIER FOR ME, EASIER FOR ME TO HELP ME HAVE MORE OPPORTUNITIES, 857 00:31:39,464 --> 00:31:41,642 EASIER FOR ME, EASIER FOR ME TO HELP ME HAVE MORE OPPORTUNITIES, THE OPPORTUNITIES YOU NEVER HAD. 858 00:31:41,666 --> 00:31:43,444 HELP ME HAVE MORE OPPORTUNITIES, THE OPPORTUNITIES YOU NEVER HAD. AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT. 859 00:31:43,468 --> 00:31:45,780 THE OPPORTUNITIES YOU NEVER HAD. AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT. BUT THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO DO, 860 00:31:45,804 --> 00:31:46,381 AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT. BUT THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO DO, DAD. 861 00:31:46,405 --> 00:31:47,916 BUT THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO DO, DAD. PLEASE UNDERSTAND. 862 00:31:47,940 --> 00:31:52,620 DAD. PLEASE UNDERSTAND. DAD! 863 00:31:52,644 --> 00:31:55,556 PLEASE UNDERSTAND. DAD! BREAKDOWN IN COMMUNICATION. 864 00:31:55,580 --> 00:31:57,092 DAD! BREAKDOWN IN COMMUNICATION. JAMIE WANTS TO YIELD TO 865 00:31:57,116 --> 00:31:58,927 BREAKDOWN IN COMMUNICATION. JAMIE WANTS TO YIELD TO TEMPTATION AND SACRIFICE HIS 866 00:31:58,951 --> 00:32:00,295 JAMIE WANTS TO YIELD TO TEMPTATION AND SACRIFICE HIS FUTURE FOR IMMEDIATE REWARD, NOT 867 00:32:00,319 --> 00:32:01,196 TEMPTATION AND SACRIFICE HIS FUTURE FOR IMMEDIATE REWARD, NOT UNUSUAL. 868 00:32:01,220 --> 00:32:03,398 FUTURE FOR IMMEDIATE REWARD, NOT UNUSUAL. AN ADOLESCENT CRY FOR HELP. 869 00:32:03,422 --> 00:32:05,200 UNUSUAL. AN ADOLESCENT CRY FOR HELP. AAH! 870 00:32:05,224 --> 00:32:06,768 AN ADOLESCENT CRY FOR HELP. AAH! BUT JAMIE'S FATHER HAS ALSO 871 00:32:06,792 --> 00:32:07,903 AAH! BUT JAMIE'S FATHER HAS ALSO REACHED A CROSSROAD. 872 00:32:07,927 --> 00:32:09,504 BUT JAMIE'S FATHER HAS ALSO REACHED A CROSSROAD. SHOULD HE GRANT APPROVAL TO HIS 873 00:32:09,528 --> 00:32:11,039 REACHED A CROSSROAD. SHOULD HE GRANT APPROVAL TO HIS SON'S DESIRE, OR SHOULD HE BE 874 00:32:11,063 --> 00:32:12,640 SHOULD HE GRANT APPROVAL TO HIS SON'S DESIRE, OR SHOULD HE BE ADAMANT BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHAT'S 875 00:32:12,664 --> 00:32:13,641 SON'S DESIRE, OR SHOULD HE BE ADAMANT BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHAT'S BEST FOR HIS SON? 876 00:32:13,665 --> 00:32:15,343 ADAMANT BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHAT'S BEST FOR HIS SON? WELL, JAMIE NOW APPROACHES HIS 877 00:32:15,367 --> 00:32:17,112 BEST FOR HIS SON? WELL, JAMIE NOW APPROACHES HIS OTHER PARENT, HOPING A MOTHER'S 878 00:32:17,136 --> 00:32:18,679 WELL, JAMIE NOW APPROACHES HIS OTHER PARENT, HOPING A MOTHER'S LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING WILL 879 00:32:18,703 --> 00:32:21,816 OTHER PARENT, HOPING A MOTHER'S LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING WILL EMBRACE HIM AND SUPPORT HIM. 880 00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:23,851 LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING WILL EMBRACE HIM AND SUPPORT HIM. [GROANING] 881 00:32:23,875 --> 00:32:26,154 EMBRACE HIM AND SUPPORT HIM. [GROANING] JAMIE, DEAR, EAT YOUR SOUP 882 00:32:26,178 --> 00:32:28,390 [GROANING] JAMIE, DEAR, EAT YOUR SOUP BEFORE IT GETS COLD. 883 00:32:28,414 --> 00:32:30,558 JAMIE, DEAR, EAT YOUR SOUP BEFORE IT GETS COLD. MOM? DO YOU LOVE ME? 884 00:32:30,582 --> 00:32:32,294 BEFORE IT GETS COLD. MOM? DO YOU LOVE ME? OH, JAMIE, WHAT A SILLY 885 00:32:32,318 --> 00:32:33,094 MOM? DO YOU LOVE ME? OH, JAMIE, WHAT A SILLY QUESTION. 886 00:32:33,118 --> 00:32:34,162 OH, JAMIE, WHAT A SILLY QUESTION. YOU KNOW I DO. 887 00:32:34,186 --> 00:32:35,730 QUESTION. YOU KNOW I DO. EAT IT, IT'S VEGETABLE. 888 00:32:35,754 --> 00:32:37,098 YOU KNOW I DO. EAT IT, IT'S VEGETABLE. IT'S YOUR FAVORITE. 889 00:32:37,122 --> 00:32:39,200 EAT IT, IT'S VEGETABLE. IT'S YOUR FAVORITE. MOM, THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME. 890 00:32:39,224 --> 00:32:40,936 IT'S YOUR FAVORITE. MOM, THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME. YOU UNDERSTAND, DON'T YOU? 891 00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:42,870 MOM, THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME. YOU UNDERSTAND, DON'T YOU? I KNOW I'M YOUR SON AND YOU WANT 892 00:32:42,894 --> 00:32:44,672 YOU UNDERSTAND, DON'T YOU? I KNOW I'M YOUR SON AND YOU WANT WHAT'S BEST FOR ME, BUT DON'T 893 00:32:44,696 --> 00:32:45,340 I KNOW I'M YOUR SON AND YOU WANT WHAT'S BEST FOR ME, BUT DON'T YOU SEE? 894 00:32:45,364 --> 00:32:46,975 WHAT'S BEST FOR ME, BUT DON'T YOU SEE? RIGHT NOW, WORKING DOWN AT 895 00:32:46,999 --> 00:32:48,910 YOU SEE? RIGHT NOW, WORKING DOWN AT HENDERSON IS WHAT'S BEST FOR ME. 896 00:32:48,934 --> 00:32:52,981 RIGHT NOW, WORKING DOWN AT HENDERSON IS WHAT'S BEST FOR ME. PLEASE, MOM, I KNOW... 897 00:32:53,005 --> 00:32:54,582 HENDERSON IS WHAT'S BEST FOR ME. PLEASE, MOM, I KNOW... I KNOW I'M YOUR SON AND YOU'D 898 00:32:54,606 --> 00:32:56,184 PLEASE, MOM, I KNOW... I KNOW I'M YOUR SON AND YOU'D NEVER DO ANYTHING TO HURT ME, 899 00:32:56,208 --> 00:32:57,518 I KNOW I'M YOUR SON AND YOU'D NEVER DO ANYTHING TO HURT ME, AND I'D NEVER WANT TO DO 900 00:32:57,542 --> 00:32:58,753 NEVER DO ANYTHING TO HURT ME, AND I'D NEVER WANT TO DO ANYTHING TO HURT YOU. 901 00:32:58,777 --> 00:33:00,922 AND I'D NEVER WANT TO DO ANYTHING TO HURT YOU. BUT I HAVE TO HAVE MY OWN WA... 902 00:33:00,946 --> 00:33:02,457 ANYTHING TO HURT YOU. BUT I HAVE TO HAVE MY OWN WA... AAH! 903 00:33:02,481 --> 00:33:04,426 BUT I HAVE TO HAVE MY OWN WA... AAH! OHH! 904 00:33:04,450 --> 00:33:05,961 AAH! OHH! A FAMILY AT THE CROSSROADS. 905 00:33:05,985 --> 00:33:07,295 OHH! A FAMILY AT THE CROSSROADS. JAMIE APPEARS INTENT UPON 906 00:33:07,319 --> 00:33:08,896 A FAMILY AT THE CROSSROADS. JAMIE APPEARS INTENT UPON LEAVING SCHOOL, AND HIS PARENTS 907 00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:10,531 JAMIE APPEARS INTENT UPON LEAVING SCHOOL, AND HIS PARENTS ARE VEHEMENT ABOUT NOT APPROVING 908 00:33:10,555 --> 00:33:11,466 LEAVING SCHOOL, AND HIS PARENTS ARE VEHEMENT ABOUT NOT APPROVING SUCH A DECISION. 909 00:33:11,490 --> 00:33:12,968 ARE VEHEMENT ABOUT NOT APPROVING SUCH A DECISION. NOW, WHEN SUCH A STALEMATE HAS 910 00:33:12,992 --> 00:33:14,502 SUCH A DECISION. NOW, WHEN SUCH A STALEMATE HAS BEEN REACHED, WHEN NO SOLUTION 911 00:33:14,526 --> 00:33:16,137 NOW, WHEN SUCH A STALEMATE HAS BEEN REACHED, WHEN NO SOLUTION HAS BEEN FOUND BY THE LOVED ONES 912 00:33:16,161 --> 00:33:17,672 BEEN REACHED, WHEN NO SOLUTION HAS BEEN FOUND BY THE LOVED ONES INVOLVED, IT IS NATURAL, THEN, 913 00:33:17,696 --> 00:33:19,274 HAS BEEN FOUND BY THE LOVED ONES INVOLVED, IT IS NATURAL, THEN, THAT THEY SEEK OUTSIDE GUIDANCE 914 00:33:19,298 --> 00:33:22,610 INVOLVED, IT IS NATURAL, THEN, THAT THEY SEEK OUTSIDE GUIDANCE AND HELP. 915 00:33:22,634 --> 00:33:23,845 THAT THEY SEEK OUTSIDE GUIDANCE AND HELP. [GROANING] 916 00:33:23,869 --> 00:33:24,879 AND HELP. [GROANING] [DOORBELL RINGS] 917 00:33:24,903 --> 00:33:26,547 [GROANING] [DOORBELL RINGS] THERE'S SOMEBODY AT THE DOOR. 918 00:33:26,571 --> 00:33:30,551 [DOORBELL RINGS] THERE'S SOMEBODY AT THE DOOR. AAH! 919 00:33:30,575 --> 00:33:33,188 THERE'S SOMEBODY AT THE DOOR. AAH! WHY, REVEREND DANTLEY! 920 00:33:33,212 --> 00:33:33,921 AAH! WHY, REVEREND DANTLEY! WHAT A SURPRISE. 921 00:33:33,945 --> 00:33:35,023 WHY, REVEREND DANTLEY! WHAT A SURPRISE. WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE AT THIS 922 00:33:35,047 --> 00:33:35,390 WHAT A SURPRISE. WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE AT THIS HOUR? 923 00:33:35,414 --> 00:33:36,224 WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE AT THIS HOUR? I WAS JUST IN THE 924 00:33:36,248 --> 00:33:36,858 HOUR? I WAS JUST IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD. 925 00:33:36,882 --> 00:33:38,126 I WAS JUST IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD. I THOUGHT I'D SEE HOW YOU PEOPLE 926 00:33:38,150 --> 00:33:38,693 NEIGHBORHOOD. I THOUGHT I'D SEE HOW YOU PEOPLE ARE FARING. 927 00:33:38,717 --> 00:33:39,694 I THOUGHT I'D SEE HOW YOU PEOPLE ARE FARING. YOU'RE SUCH GOOD PEOPLE. 928 00:33:39,718 --> 00:33:40,628 ARE FARING. YOU'RE SUCH GOOD PEOPLE. OH, WE'RE JUST FINE. 929 00:33:40,652 --> 00:33:41,896 YOU'RE SUCH GOOD PEOPLE. OH, WE'RE JUST FINE. WON'T YOU SIT DOWN AND HAVE SOME 930 00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:42,297 OH, WE'RE JUST FINE. WON'T YOU SIT DOWN AND HAVE SOME DINNER? 931 00:33:42,321 --> 00:33:43,531 WON'T YOU SIT DOWN AND HAVE SOME DINNER? WELL, I REALLY SHOULDN'T, BUT 932 00:33:43,555 --> 00:33:44,099 DINNER? WELL, I REALLY SHOULDN'T, BUT I SUPPOSE... 933 00:33:44,123 --> 00:33:45,266 WELL, I REALLY SHOULDN'T, BUT I SUPPOSE... PLEASE, WE HAVE SOME ROAST 934 00:33:45,290 --> 00:33:45,833 I SUPPOSE... PLEASE, WE HAVE SOME ROAST BEEF COMING. 935 00:33:45,857 --> 00:33:46,934 PLEASE, WE HAVE SOME ROAST BEEF COMING. WE HAVE SOME GOOD SOUP HERE. 936 00:33:46,958 --> 00:33:48,103 BEEF COMING. WE HAVE SOME GOOD SOUP HERE. SIT DOWN AND JOIN US. 937 00:33:48,127 --> 00:33:49,637 WE HAVE SOME GOOD SOUP HERE. SIT DOWN AND JOIN US. I THINK YOU TALKED ME INTO 938 00:33:49,661 --> 00:33:50,005 SIT DOWN AND JOIN US. I THINK YOU TALKED ME INTO IT. 939 00:33:50,029 --> 00:33:51,072 I THINK YOU TALKED ME INTO IT. HOW ARE YOU, JAMIE? 940 00:33:51,096 --> 00:33:52,807 IT. HOW ARE YOU, JAMIE? WELL, I'M HAVING KIND OF AN 941 00:33:52,831 --> 00:33:54,575 HOW ARE YOU, JAMIE? WELL, I'M HAVING KIND OF AN IDENTITY CRISIS, BUT I DON'T... 942 00:33:54,599 --> 00:33:57,445 WELL, I'M HAVING KIND OF AN IDENTITY CRISIS, BUT I DON'T... AYE-YO! 943 00:33:57,469 --> 00:33:58,846 IDENTITY CRISIS, BUT I DON'T... AYE-YO! HONOR THY FATHER AND THY 944 00:33:58,870 --> 00:34:00,448 AYE-YO! HONOR THY FATHER AND THY MOTHER, THE FOURTH COMMANDMENT. 945 00:34:00,472 --> 00:34:01,949 HONOR THY FATHER AND THY MOTHER, THE FOURTH COMMANDMENT. MAYBE NOW JAMIE WILL SHUT UP. 946 00:34:01,973 --> 00:34:03,418 MOTHER, THE FOURTH COMMANDMENT. MAYBE NOW JAMIE WILL SHUT UP. AFTER ALL, A PARENT CAN ONLY 947 00:34:03,442 --> 00:34:05,020 MAYBE NOW JAMIE WILL SHUT UP. AFTER ALL, A PARENT CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH OF THAT ADOLESCENT 948 00:34:05,044 --> 00:34:06,454 AFTER ALL, A PARENT CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH OF THAT ADOLESCENT CRAP FROM AN OVERWEIGHT WIMP 949 00:34:06,478 --> 00:34:07,088 TAKE SO MUCH OF THAT ADOLESCENT CRAP FROM AN OVERWEIGHT WIMP LIKE HIM. 950 00:34:07,112 --> 00:34:08,623 CRAP FROM AN OVERWEIGHT WIMP LIKE HIM. PERSONALLY, I'M SURPRISED THEY 951 00:34:08,647 --> 00:34:10,225 LIKE HIM. PERSONALLY, I'M SURPRISED THEY DIDN'T BELT THAT KID YEARS AGO. 952 00:34:10,249 --> 00:34:10,925 PERSONALLY, I'M SURPRISED THEY DIDN'T BELT THAT KID YEARS AGO. WHAT A BORE. 953 00:34:10,949 --> 00:34:12,360 DIDN'T BELT THAT KID YEARS AGO. WHAT A BORE. NOW, I'M READY FOR THAT SOUP. 954 00:34:12,384 --> 00:34:13,895 WHAT A BORE. NOW, I'M READY FOR THAT SOUP. HOW ARE THINGS AT THE CHURCH, 955 00:34:13,919 --> 00:34:14,496 NOW, I'M READY FOR THAT SOUP. HOW ARE THINGS AT THE CHURCH, REVEREND? 956 00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:15,096 HOW ARE THINGS AT THE CHURCH, REVEREND? LOVELY. 957 00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:16,264 REVEREND? LOVELY. MRS. CARSON HAD HER BABY. 958 00:34:16,288 --> 00:34:17,198 LOVELY. MRS. CARSON HAD HER BABY. IS THAT RIGHT? 959 00:34:17,222 --> 00:34:19,523 MRS. CARSON HAD HER BABY. IS THAT RIGHT? [APPLAUSE] 960 00:34:36,941 --> 00:34:44,159 ♪ THIS FALL ♪ ♪ NBC SENDS YOU ALL THE BEST ♪ HE SAID, "IF I DON'T CALL 961 00:34:44,183 --> 00:34:45,393 ♪ NBC SENDS YOU ALL THE BEST ♪ HE SAID, "IF I DON'T CALL YOU, HOW AM I GONNA SPEAK TO 962 00:34:45,417 --> 00:34:46,827 HE SAID, "IF I DON'T CALL YOU, HOW AM I GONNA SPEAK TO YOU?" AND I SAID, "WELL, LISTEN, 963 00:34:46,851 --> 00:34:48,163 YOU, HOW AM I GONNA SPEAK TO YOU? "AND I SAID," WELL, LISTEN, I JUST DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA WHY 964 00:34:48,187 --> 00:34:49,297 YOU?" AND I SAID, "WELL, LISTEN, I JUST DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA WHY YOU WANT TO SPEAK TO ME." 965 00:34:49,321 --> 00:34:50,898 I JUST DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA WHY YOU WANT TO SPEAK TO ME." Announcer: THIS FALL, NBC 966 00:34:50,922 --> 00:34:52,700 YOU WANT TO SPEAK TO ME." Announcer: THIS FALL, NBC PRESENTS AN EXCITING NEW MEDICAL 967 00:34:52,724 --> 00:34:53,201 Announcer: THIS FALL, NBC PRESENTS AN EXCITING NEW MEDICAL DRAMA. 968 00:34:53,225 --> 00:34:54,969 PRESENTS AN EXCITING NEW MEDICAL DRAMA. DR. ROBERT LIEBMAN, A NEW BREED 969 00:34:54,993 --> 00:34:56,371 DRAMA. DR. ROBERT LIEBMAN, A NEW BREED OF ANALYST, GIVES UP HIS 970 00:34:56,395 --> 00:34:58,005 DR. ROBERT LIEBMAN, A NEW BREED OF ANALYST, GIVES UP HIS PROFITABLE OFFICE PRACTICE TO 971 00:34:58,029 --> 00:34:59,874 OF ANALYST, GIVES UP HIS PROFITABLE OFFICE PRACTICE TO FIGHT DEPRESSION, NEUROSIS, AND 972 00:34:59,898 --> 00:35:01,809 PROFITABLE OFFICE PRACTICE TO FIGHT DEPRESSION, NEUROSIS, AND FEELINGS OF INADEQUACY NO MATTER 973 00:35:01,833 --> 00:35:03,445 FIGHT DEPRESSION, NEUROSIS, AND FEELINGS OF INADEQUACY NO MATTER WHERE OR WHEN THEY STRIKE. 974 00:35:03,469 --> 00:35:06,389 FEELINGS OF INADEQUACY NO MATTER WHERE OR WHEN THEY STRIKE. [TIRES SCREECH] 975 00:35:13,511 --> 00:35:16,124 HELLO, AL. SORRY I'M A LITTLE BIT LATE THIS AFTERNOON. 976 00:35:16,148 --> 00:35:17,292 SORRY I'M A LITTLE BIT LATE THIS AFTERNOON. HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY? 977 00:35:17,316 --> 00:35:17,792 AFTERNOON. HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY? FINE. 978 00:35:17,816 --> 00:35:18,560 HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY? FINE. THAT'S GOOD. 979 00:35:18,584 --> 00:35:19,961 FINE. THAT'S GOOD. Announcer: WITH A BEEMER, 980 00:35:19,985 --> 00:35:21,429 THAT'S GOOD. Announcer: WITH A BEEMER, COMPASSION, AND A NOTEPAD, HE 981 00:35:21,453 --> 00:35:22,830 Announcer: WITH A BEEMER, COMPASSION, AND A NOTEPAD, HE GOES OUT INTO THE STREETS TO 982 00:35:22,854 --> 00:35:24,299 COMPASSION, AND A NOTEPAD, HE GOES OUT INTO THE STREETS TO THOSE WHO NEED HELP MOST, THE 983 00:35:24,323 --> 00:35:26,267 GOES OUT INTO THE STREETS TO THOSE WHO NEED HELP MOST, THE OVER 5.3 MILLION AMERICANS WHO 984 00:35:26,291 --> 00:35:27,868 THOSE WHO NEED HELP MOST, THE OVER 5.3 MILLION AMERICANS WHO DON'T SEEK PROPER MENTAL 985 00:35:27,892 --> 00:35:28,769 OVER 5.3 MILLION AMERICANS WHO DON'T SEEK PROPER MENTAL HEALTHCARE. 986 00:35:28,793 --> 00:35:30,371 DON'T SEEK PROPER MENTAL HEALTHCARE. THE WHOLE PROBLEM YOU'VE BEEN 987 00:35:30,395 --> 00:35:31,806 HEALTHCARE. THE WHOLE PROBLEM YOU'VE BEEN HAVING WITH YOUR FAMILY, THE 988 00:35:31,830 --> 00:35:32,873 THE WHOLE PROBLEM YOU'VE BEEN HAVING WITH YOUR FAMILY, THE WIFE AND CHILDREN... 989 00:35:32,897 --> 00:35:34,476 HAVING WITH YOUR FAMILY, THE WIFE AND CHILDREN... SOMETHING HAS BEEN BOTHERING YOU 990 00:35:34,500 --> 00:35:34,942 WIFE AND CHILDREN... SOMETHING HAS BEEN BOTHERING YOU TODAY. 991 00:35:34,966 --> 00:35:37,044 SOMETHING HAS BEEN BOTHERING YOU TODAY. YEAH, WELL, I HAD THE SAME 992 00:35:37,068 --> 00:35:39,080 TODAY. YEAH, WELL, I HAD THE SAME NIGHTMARE, YOU KNOW, THE ONE 993 00:35:39,104 --> 00:35:40,948 YEAH, WELL, I HAD THE SAME NIGHTMARE, YOU KNOW, THE ONE ABOUT THAT SQUISHY SNAKE. 994 00:35:40,972 --> 00:35:42,450 NIGHTMARE, YOU KNOW, THE ONE ABOUT THAT SQUISHY SNAKE. 59 CENTS. 995 00:35:42,474 --> 00:35:44,119 ABOUT THAT SQUISHY SNAKE. 59 CENTS. Announcer: "MOBILE SHRINK." 996 00:35:44,143 --> 00:35:45,253 59 CENTS. Announcer: "MOBILE SHRINK." BOLDLY EXPLORING THE 997 00:35:45,277 --> 00:35:46,787 Announcer: "MOBILE SHRINK." BOLDLY EXPLORING THE SUBCONSCIOUS, BREAKING DOWN 998 00:35:46,811 --> 00:35:47,922 BOLDLY EXPLORING THE SUBCONSCIOUS, BREAKING DOWN DEFENSE MECHANISMS, 999 00:35:47,946 --> 00:35:49,491 SUBCONSCIOUS, BREAKING DOWN DEFENSE MECHANISMS, RESTRUCTURING ANXIETIES, AND 1000 00:35:49,515 --> 00:35:51,058 DEFENSE MECHANISMS, RESTRUCTURING ANXIETIES, AND REINTEGRATING THE BEHAVIORAL 1001 00:35:51,082 --> 00:35:52,360 RESTRUCTURING ANXIETIES, AND REINTEGRATING THE BEHAVIORAL CHARACTERISTICS OF THE 1002 00:35:52,384 --> 00:35:55,430 REINTEGRATING THE BEHAVIORAL CHARACTERISTICS OF THE INDIVIDUAL. 1003 00:35:55,454 --> 00:35:58,266 CHARACTERISTICS OF THE INDIVIDUAL. HOW MUCH IS THE AVOCADOS? 1004 00:35:58,290 --> 00:35:59,601 INDIVIDUAL. HOW MUCH IS THE AVOCADOS? IT'S A SIMPLE RORSCHACH TEST. 1005 00:35:59,625 --> 00:36:01,002 HOW MUCH IS THE AVOCADOS? IT'S A SIMPLE RORSCHACH TEST. JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE ON THE 1006 00:36:01,026 --> 00:36:02,237 IT'S A SIMPLE RORSCHACH TEST. JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE ON THE CARD, WHATEVER COMES TO YOUR 1007 00:36:02,261 --> 00:36:02,604 JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE ON THE CARD, WHATEVER COMES TO YOUR MIND. 1008 00:36:02,628 --> 00:36:03,371 CARD, WHATEVER COMES TO YOUR MIND. I SEE A RAT. 1009 00:36:03,395 --> 00:36:04,672 MIND. I SEE A RAT. Announcer: "MOBILE SHRINK." 1010 00:36:04,696 --> 00:36:06,508 I SEE A RAT. Announcer: "MOBILE SHRINK." COMBINING THE WISDOM OF FREUD, 1011 00:36:06,532 --> 00:36:08,276 Announcer: "MOBILE SHRINK." COMBINING THE WISDOM OF FREUD, THE CLARITY OF JUNG, AND THE 1012 00:36:08,300 --> 00:36:09,377 COMBINING THE WISDOM OF FREUD, THE CLARITY OF JUNG, AND THE HUMAN INSIGHT OF 1013 00:36:09,401 --> 00:36:11,446 THE CLARITY OF JUNG, AND THE HUMAN INSIGHT OF DR. JOYCE BROTHERS. 1014 00:36:11,470 --> 00:36:12,947 HUMAN INSIGHT OF DR. JOYCE BROTHERS. THIS ONE? 1015 00:36:12,971 --> 00:36:17,852 DR. JOYCE BROTHERS. THIS ONE? UH, I SEE A BAT. 1016 00:36:17,876 --> 00:36:20,276 THIS ONE? UH, I SEE A BAT. LOOK AT THE LAST ONE HERE. 1017 00:36:24,215 --> 00:36:28,929 Announcer: "MOBILE SHRINK." HE WENT OUTSIDE TO HELP PEOPLE GO INSIDE. 1018 00:36:28,953 --> 00:36:30,931 HE WENT OUTSIDE TO HELP PEOPLE GO INSIDE. INSIDE THEMSELVES, DEEPER THAN 1019 00:36:30,955 --> 00:36:32,634 GO INSIDE. INSIDE THEMSELVES, DEEPER THAN THEY'VE EVER BEEN BEFORE. 1020 00:36:32,658 --> 00:36:34,469 INSIDE THEMSELVES, DEEPER THAN THEY'VE EVER BEEN BEFORE. DOWN INTO THE DEPTHS OF THE 1021 00:36:34,493 --> 00:36:36,304 THEY'VE EVER BEEN BEFORE. DOWN INTO THE DEPTHS OF THE PSYCHE, UPROOTING THE BASIC 1022 00:36:36,328 --> 00:36:37,838 DOWN INTO THE DEPTHS OF THE PSYCHE, UPROOTING THE BASIC FEARS THAT BLOCK THEIR 1023 00:36:37,862 --> 00:36:39,707 PSYCHE, UPROOTING THE BASIC FEARS THAT BLOCK THEIR HAPPINESS. 1024 00:36:39,731 --> 00:36:41,075 FEARS THAT BLOCK THEIR HAPPINESS. LET'S GET BACK TO THE 1025 00:36:41,099 --> 00:36:42,544 HAPPINESS. LET'S GET BACK TO THE SEPARATION OF YOU AND YOUR 1026 00:36:42,568 --> 00:36:43,144 LET'S GET BACK TO THE SEPARATION OF YOU AND YOUR PARENTS! 1027 00:36:43,168 --> 00:36:44,745 SEPARATION OF YOU AND YOUR PARENTS! HOW OLD WERE YOU AT THE TIME? 1028 00:36:44,769 --> 00:36:47,482 PARENTS! HOW OLD WERE YOU AT THE TIME? I'M 47! 1029 00:36:47,506 --> 00:36:48,783 HOW OLD WERE YOU AT THE TIME? I'M 47! WHAT? 1030 00:36:48,807 --> 00:36:49,950 I'M 47! WHAT? 47! 1031 00:36:49,974 --> 00:36:51,386 WHAT? 47! HOW OLD WERE YOU?! 1032 00:36:51,410 --> 00:36:52,387 47! HOW OLD WERE YOU?! WHEN?! 1033 00:36:52,411 --> 00:36:54,522 HOW OLD WERE YOU?! WHEN?! WHEN YOUR PARENTS SEPARATED, 1034 00:36:54,546 --> 00:36:55,823 WHEN?! WHEN YOUR PARENTS SEPARATED, HOW OLD WERE YOU? 1035 00:36:55,847 --> 00:36:56,791 WHEN YOUR PARENTS SEPARATED, HOW OLD WERE YOU? I WAS 4! 1036 00:36:56,815 --> 00:36:58,693 HOW OLD WERE YOU? I WAS 4! OKAY! 1037 00:36:58,717 --> 00:37:00,828 I WAS 4! OKAY! HOW DID YOU FEEL... ANY ANXIETY, 1038 00:37:00,852 --> 00:37:01,462 OKAY! HOW DID YOU FEEL... ANY ANXIETY, ANY... 1039 00:37:01,486 --> 00:37:02,363 HOW DID YOU FEEL... ANY ANXIETY, ANY... ANXIOUS. 1040 00:37:02,387 --> 00:37:03,164 ANY... ANXIOUS. ANGER? 1041 00:37:03,188 --> 00:37:04,098 ANXIOUS. ANGER? ANXIOUS! 1042 00:37:04,122 --> 00:37:04,999 ANGER? ANXIOUS! LET IT OUT! 1043 00:37:05,023 --> 00:37:06,167 ANXIOUS! LET IT OUT! ANXIOUS! 1044 00:37:06,191 --> 00:37:07,468 LET IT OUT! ANXIOUS! Announcer: "MOBILE SHRINK." 1045 00:37:07,492 --> 00:37:09,970 ANXIOUS! Announcer: "MOBILE SHRINK." COMING TO NBC THIS FALL. 1046 00:37:09,994 --> 00:37:14,242 Announcer: "MOBILE SHRINK." COMING TO NBC THIS FALL. ♪ ALL THE BEST ON NBC ♪ 1047 00:37:14,266 --> 00:37:16,110 COMING TO NBC THIS FALL. ♪ ALL THE BEST ON NBC ♪ [APPLAUSE] 1048 00:37:16,134 --> 00:37:22,917 ♪ ALL THE BEST ON NBC ♪ [APPLAUSE] [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] 1049 00:37:22,941 --> 00:37:24,485 [APPLAUSE] [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] GOOD EVENING AND WELCOME TO 1050 00:37:24,509 --> 00:37:25,920 [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] GOOD EVENING AND WELCOME TO "HOW THINGS WORK," THE SHOW 1051 00:37:25,944 --> 00:37:27,188 GOOD EVENING AND WELCOME TO "HOW THINGS WORK," THE SHOW DESIGNED TO HELP PEOPLE 1052 00:37:27,212 --> 00:37:28,823 "HOW THINGS WORK," THE SHOW DESIGNED TO HELP PEOPLE UNDERSTAND JUST HOW OUR SOCIETY 1053 00:37:28,847 --> 00:37:29,490 DESIGNED TO HELP PEOPLE UNDERSTAND JUST HOW OUR SOCIETY FUNCTIONS. 1054 00:37:29,514 --> 00:37:30,625 UNDERSTAND JUST HOW OUR SOCIETY FUNCTIONS. OUR GUEST TODAY IS 1055 00:37:30,649 --> 00:37:32,393 FUNCTIONS. OUR GUEST TODAY IS MR. MERLE TADBURNEY, INDEPENDENT 1056 00:37:32,417 --> 00:37:34,061 OUR GUEST TODAY IS MR. MERLE TADBURNEY, INDEPENDENT COORDINATOR OF PRESSURE GROUP 1057 00:37:34,085 --> 00:37:34,729 MR. MERLE TADBURNEY, INDEPENDENT COORDINATOR OF PRESSURE GROUP ACTIVITY. 1058 00:37:34,753 --> 00:37:36,531 COORDINATOR OF PRESSURE GROUP ACTIVITY. MR. TADBURNEY, COULD YOU EXPLAIN 1059 00:37:36,555 --> 00:37:37,998 ACTIVITY. MR. TADBURNEY, COULD YOU EXPLAIN HOW PRESSURE GROUPS WORK? 1060 00:37:38,022 --> 00:37:39,701 MR. TADBURNEY, COULD YOU EXPLAIN HOW PRESSURE GROUPS WORK? WELL, WHY DON'T YOU TELL YOUR 1061 00:37:39,725 --> 00:37:41,269 HOW PRESSURE GROUPS WORK? WELL, WHY DON'T YOU TELL YOUR AUDIENCE EXACTLY HOW I GOT ON 1062 00:37:41,293 --> 00:37:42,337 WELL, WHY DON'T YOU TELL YOUR AUDIENCE EXACTLY HOW I GOT ON YOUR SHOW TONIGHT? 1063 00:37:42,361 --> 00:37:44,004 AUDIENCE EXACTLY HOW I GOT ON YOUR SHOW TONIGHT? WELL, UH, WE RECEIVED 1064 00:37:44,028 --> 00:37:45,940 YOUR SHOW TONIGHT? WELL, UH, WE RECEIVED THOUSANDS OF LETTERS FROM ALL 1065 00:37:45,964 --> 00:37:48,075 WELL, UH, WE RECEIVED THOUSANDS OF LETTERS FROM ALL OVER THE COUNTRY REQUESTING THAT 1066 00:37:48,099 --> 00:37:50,144 THOUSANDS OF LETTERS FROM ALL OVER THE COUNTRY REQUESTING THAT WE DO A SHOW ON HOW THINGS WORK 1067 00:37:50,168 --> 00:37:52,247 OVER THE COUNTRY REQUESTING THAT WE DO A SHOW ON HOW THINGS WORK AND PRESSURE GROUPS, AND MOST OF 1068 00:37:52,271 --> 00:37:54,249 WE DO A SHOW ON HOW THINGS WORK AND PRESSURE GROUPS, AND MOST OF THE LETTERS SINGLED YOU OUT AS 1069 00:37:54,273 --> 00:37:56,217 AND PRESSURE GROUPS, AND MOST OF THE LETTERS SINGLED YOU OUT AS THE FOREMOST AUTHORITY ON THE 1070 00:37:56,241 --> 00:37:56,951 THE LETTERS SINGLED YOU OUT AS THE FOREMOST AUTHORITY ON THE SUBJECT. 1071 00:37:56,975 --> 00:37:58,286 THE FOREMOST AUTHORITY ON THE SUBJECT. THAT'S RIGHT, AND THEY WERE 1072 00:37:58,310 --> 00:37:59,687 SUBJECT. THAT'S RIGHT, AND THEY WERE ALL BOGUS LETTERS SENT OUT BY MY 1073 00:37:59,711 --> 00:38:01,088 THAT'S RIGHT, AND THEY WERE ALL BOGUS LETTERS SENT OUT BY MY ORGANIZATION, JUST TO GET ME ON 1074 00:38:01,112 --> 00:38:01,956 ALL BOGUS LETTERS SENT OUT BY MY ORGANIZATION, JUST TO GET ME ON YOUR SHOW TONIGHT. 1075 00:38:01,980 --> 00:38:03,658 ORGANIZATION, JUST TO GET ME ON YOUR SHOW TONIGHT. DO YOU MEAN THAT THERE'S NO 1076 00:38:03,682 --> 00:38:05,226 YOUR SHOW TONIGHT. DO YOU MEAN THAT THERE'S NO ONE OUT THERE WHO IS REALLY 1077 00:38:05,250 --> 00:38:06,927 DO YOU MEAN THAT THERE'S NO ONE OUT THERE WHO IS REALLY INTERESTED IN PRESSURE GROUPS? 1078 00:38:06,951 --> 00:38:08,129 ONE OUT THERE WHO IS REALLY INTERESTED IN PRESSURE GROUPS? WELL, I COULDN'T BE SURE OF 1079 00:38:08,153 --> 00:38:08,496 INTERESTED IN PRESSURE GROUPS? WELL, I COULDN'T BE SURE OF THAT. 1080 00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:09,664 WELL, I COULDN'T BE SURE OF THAT. I PERSONALLY NEVER MET ANYONE 1081 00:38:09,688 --> 00:38:10,898 THAT. I PERSONALLY NEVER MET ANYONE WHO WAS INTERESTED IN PRESSURE 1082 00:38:10,922 --> 00:38:11,899 I PERSONALLY NEVER MET ANYONE WHO WAS INTERESTED IN PRESSURE GROUPS OR HOW THEY WORK. 1083 00:38:11,923 --> 00:38:13,200 WHO WAS INTERESTED IN PRESSURE GROUPS OR HOW THEY WORK. WELL, I CERTAINLY AM 1084 00:38:13,224 --> 00:38:14,902 GROUPS OR HOW THEY WORK. WELL, I CERTAINLY AM IMPRESSED, AND OUR PRODUCER FELL 1085 00:38:14,926 --> 00:38:16,504 WELL, I CERTAINLY AM IMPRESSED, AND OUR PRODUCER FELL FOR IT HOOK, LINE, AND SINKER. 1086 00:38:16,528 --> 00:38:17,605 IMPRESSED, AND OUR PRODUCER FELL FOR IT HOOK, LINE, AND SINKER. WELL, THANK YOU. 1087 00:38:17,629 --> 00:38:19,173 FOR IT HOOK, LINE, AND SINKER. WELL, THANK YOU. WE'VE WORKED LONG AND HARD TO 1088 00:38:19,197 --> 00:38:20,341 WELL, THANK YOU. WE'VE WORKED LONG AND HARD TO DEVELOP AN EFFECTIVE 1089 00:38:20,365 --> 00:38:22,042 WE'VE WORKED LONG AND HARD TO DEVELOP AN EFFECTIVE PHONY-LETTER CAMPAIGN THAT WORKS 1090 00:38:22,066 --> 00:38:23,645 DEVELOP AN EFFECTIVE PHONY-LETTER CAMPAIGN THAT WORKS EVERY TIME, AND WE'RE PROUD OF 1091 00:38:23,669 --> 00:38:24,011 PHONY-LETTER CAMPAIGN THAT WORKS EVERY TIME, AND WE'RE PROUD OF IT. 1092 00:38:24,035 --> 00:38:25,313 EVERY TIME, AND WE'RE PROUD OF IT. WELL, SWELL. 1093 00:38:25,337 --> 00:38:26,748 IT. WELL, SWELL. WHAT ORGANIZATIONS DO YOU 1094 00:38:26,772 --> 00:38:27,448 WELL, SWELL. WHAT ORGANIZATIONS DO YOU REPRESENT? 1095 00:38:27,472 --> 00:38:29,049 WHAT ORGANIZATIONS DO YOU REPRESENT? WELL, I WORK FOR A LOT OF 1096 00:38:29,073 --> 00:38:30,618 REPRESENT? WELL, I WORK FOR A LOT OF ETHNIC GROUPS SUCH AS THE... 1097 00:38:30,642 --> 00:38:32,219 WELL, I WORK FOR A LOT OF ETHNIC GROUPS SUCH AS THE... WELL, THERE'S ONE CALLED THE 1098 00:38:32,243 --> 00:38:33,988 ETHNIC GROUPS SUCH AS THE... WELL, THERE'S ONE CALLED THE ITALIANS FOR AFFIRMATIVE ACTION. 1099 00:38:34,012 --> 00:38:35,556 WELL, THERE'S ONE CALLED THE ITALIANS FOR AFFIRMATIVE ACTION. THEY'RE UPSET EVERY TIME THE 1100 00:38:35,580 --> 00:38:37,191 ITALIANS FOR AFFIRMATIVE ACTION. THEY'RE UPSET EVERY TIME THE STEREOTYPE OF AN ITALIAN AS A 1101 00:38:37,215 --> 00:38:38,859 THEY'RE UPSET EVERY TIME THE STEREOTYPE OF AN ITALIAN AS A MEMBER OF THE MAFIA IS USED IN 1102 00:38:38,883 --> 00:38:40,461 STEREOTYPE OF AN ITALIAN AS A MEMBER OF THE MAFIA IS USED IN THE MEDIA, AND SO WE EDUCATE 1103 00:38:40,485 --> 00:38:42,129 MEMBER OF THE MAFIA IS USED IN THE MEDIA, AND SO WE EDUCATE PEOPLE BY POINTING OUT SEVERAL 1104 00:38:42,153 --> 00:38:43,898 THE MEDIA, AND SO WE EDUCATE PEOPLE BY POINTING OUT SEVERAL SUCCESSFUL ITALIAN-AMERICANS WHO 1105 00:38:43,922 --> 00:38:45,433 PEOPLE BY POINTING OUT SEVERAL SUCCESSFUL ITALIAN-AMERICANS WHO HAVE NO CONNECTION WITH THE 1106 00:38:45,457 --> 00:38:46,301 SUCCESSFUL ITALIAN-AMERICANS WHO HAVE NO CONNECTION WITH THE MAFIA AT ALL. 1107 00:38:46,325 --> 00:38:47,702 HAVE NO CONNECTION WITH THE MAFIA AT ALL. LIKE FRANK SINATRA. 1108 00:38:47,726 --> 00:38:48,569 MAFIA AT ALL. LIKE FRANK SINATRA. OH, I SEE. 1109 00:38:48,593 --> 00:38:50,271 LIKE FRANK SINATRA. OH, I SEE. ARE THEY ALSO CONCERNED ABOUT 1110 00:38:50,295 --> 00:38:51,272 OH, I SEE. ARE THEY ALSO CONCERNED ABOUT DEMEANING JOKES? 1111 00:38:51,296 --> 00:38:51,839 ARE THEY ALSO CONCERNED ABOUT DEMEANING JOKES? NO. 1112 00:38:51,863 --> 00:38:53,608 DEMEANING JOKES? NO. THEY HAVE QUITE A GOOD SENSE OF 1113 00:38:53,632 --> 00:38:55,276 NO. THEY HAVE QUITE A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR, BUT THERE IS ONE GROUP 1114 00:38:55,300 --> 00:38:56,977 THEY HAVE QUITE A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR, BUT THERE IS ONE GROUP THAT IS RATHER SENSITIVE ABOUT 1115 00:38:57,001 --> 00:38:58,646 HUMOR, BUT THERE IS ONE GROUP THAT IS RATHER SENSITIVE ABOUT THAT SORT OF THING, BEING THE 1116 00:38:58,670 --> 00:39:00,481 THAT IS RATHER SENSITIVE ABOUT THAT SORT OF THING, BEING THE BRUNT OF ETHNIC JOKES, YOU MIGHT 1117 00:39:00,505 --> 00:39:00,915 THAT SORT OF THING, BEING THE BRUNT OF ETHNIC JOKES, YOU MIGHT SAY. 1118 00:39:00,939 --> 00:39:02,450 BRUNT OF ETHNIC JOKES, YOU MIGHT SAY. ARE YOU REFERRING TO A 1119 00:39:02,474 --> 00:39:04,319 SAY. ARE YOU REFERRING TO A CERTAIN EASTERN-EUROPEAN GROUP? 1120 00:39:04,343 --> 00:39:05,653 ARE YOU REFERRING TO A CERTAIN EASTERN-EUROPEAN GROUP? YES, THAT'S RIGHT. 1121 00:39:05,677 --> 00:39:07,522 CERTAIN EASTERN-EUROPEAN GROUP? YES, THAT'S RIGHT. I THINK EVERYONE KNOWS THAT I'M 1122 00:39:07,546 --> 00:39:08,589 YES, THAT'S RIGHT. I THINK EVERYONE KNOWS THAT I'M REFERRING TO THE 1123 00:39:08,613 --> 00:39:09,691 I THINK EVERYONE KNOWS THAT I'M REFERRING TO THE SERBO-CROATIANS. 1124 00:39:09,715 --> 00:39:11,392 REFERRING TO THE SERBO-CROATIANS. AND IF A SERBO-CROATIAN JOKE 1125 00:39:11,416 --> 00:39:13,194 SERBO-CROATIANS. AND IF A SERBO-CROATIAN JOKE APPEARS ON TELEVISION, WE MAKE 1126 00:39:13,218 --> 00:39:14,829 AND IF A SERBO-CROATIAN JOKE APPEARS ON TELEVISION, WE MAKE SURE THE NETWORKS KNOW THAT 1127 00:39:14,853 --> 00:39:16,263 APPEARS ON TELEVISION, WE MAKE SURE THE NETWORKS KNOW THAT MILLIONS OF VIEWERS ARE 1128 00:39:16,287 --> 00:39:17,665 SURE THE NETWORKS KNOW THAT MILLIONS OF VIEWERS ARE OUTRAGED, MOST OF THEM 1129 00:39:17,689 --> 00:39:18,599 MILLIONS OF VIEWERS ARE OUTRAGED, MOST OF THEM SERBO-CROATS. 1130 00:39:18,623 --> 00:39:20,501 OUTRAGED, MOST OF THEM SERBO-CROATS. WELL, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO 1131 00:39:20,525 --> 00:39:21,869 SERBO-CROATS. WELL, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO MAY NOT KNOW WHAT A 1132 00:39:21,893 --> 00:39:23,771 WELL, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO MAY NOT KNOW WHAT A SERBO-CROATIAN JOKE IS, MAYBE 1133 00:39:23,795 --> 00:39:25,573 MAY NOT KNOW WHAT A SERBO-CROATIAN JOKE IS, MAYBE YOU COULD POSSIBLY EXPLAIN. 1134 00:39:25,597 --> 00:39:26,874 SERBO-CROATIAN JOKE IS, MAYBE YOU COULD POSSIBLY EXPLAIN. WELL, THAT WOULD BE SORT OF 1135 00:39:26,898 --> 00:39:27,975 YOU COULD POSSIBLY EXPLAIN. WELL, THAT WOULD BE SORT OF ACTING AT CROSS PURPOSES, 1136 00:39:27,999 --> 00:39:28,609 WELL, THAT WOULD BE SORT OF ACTING AT CROSS PURPOSES, WOULDN'T IT? 1137 00:39:28,633 --> 00:39:29,910 ACTING AT CROSS PURPOSES, WOULDN'T IT? BECAUSE THEN I WOULD BE ACTING 1138 00:39:29,934 --> 00:39:31,245 WOULDN'T IT? BECAUSE THEN I WOULD BE ACTING AGAINST THE BEHALF OF ONE OF MY 1139 00:39:31,269 --> 00:39:32,580 BECAUSE THEN I WOULD BE ACTING AGAINST THE BEHALF OF ONE OF MY CLIENTS, BUT I CAN TELL YOU ONE 1140 00:39:32,604 --> 00:39:33,214 AGAINST THE BEHALF OF ONE OF MY CLIENTS, BUT I CAN TELL YOU ONE LITTLE JOKE. 1141 00:39:33,238 --> 00:39:35,850 CLIENTS, BUT I CAN TELL YOU ONE LITTLE JOKE. WHY DO A CERTAIN TYPE OF PEOPLE 1142 00:39:35,874 --> 00:39:37,652 LITTLE JOKE. WHY DO A CERTAIN TYPE OF PEOPLE MAKE BAD DRUGGISTS? 1143 00:39:37,676 --> 00:39:38,720 WHY DO A CERTAIN TYPE OF PEOPLE MAKE BAD DRUGGISTS? I DON'T KNOW. WHY? 1144 00:39:38,744 --> 00:39:40,154 MAKE BAD DRUGGISTS? I DON'T KNOW. WHY? BECAUSE WHEN THEY MAKE OUT 1145 00:39:40,178 --> 00:39:41,522 I DON'T KNOW. WHY? BECAUSE WHEN THEY MAKE OUT THE PRESCRIPTIONS, THEY KEEP 1146 00:39:41,546 --> 00:39:42,990 BECAUSE WHEN THEY MAKE OUT THE PRESCRIPTIONS, THEY KEEP BREAKING THE LITTLE BOTTLES IN 1147 00:39:43,014 --> 00:39:43,825 THE PRESCRIPTIONS, THEY KEEP BREAKING THE LITTLE BOTTLES IN THE TYPEWRITER. 1148 00:39:43,849 --> 00:39:45,159 BREAKING THE LITTLE BOTTLES IN THE TYPEWRITER. [LAUGHS] 1149 00:39:45,183 --> 00:39:46,527 THE TYPEWRITER. [LAUGHS] WELL, I THINK WE'VE JUST ABOUT 1150 00:39:46,551 --> 00:39:47,895 [LAUGHS] WELL, I THINK WE'VE JUST ABOUT RUN OUT OF TIME, AND I WANT TO 1151 00:39:47,919 --> 00:39:49,263 WELL, I THINK WE'VE JUST ABOUT RUN OUT OF TIME, AND I WANT TO THANK YOU, MERLE, FOR BEING ON 1152 00:39:49,287 --> 00:39:50,164 RUN OUT OF TIME, AND I WANT TO THANK YOU, MERLE, FOR BEING ON "HOW THINGS WORK." 1153 00:39:50,188 --> 00:39:51,532 THANK YOU, MERLE, FOR BEING ON "HOW THINGS WORK." WELL, IT'S NICE BEING HERE, 1154 00:39:51,556 --> 00:39:52,700 "HOW THINGS WORK." WELL, IT'S NICE BEING HERE, AND WHEN YOU LOOK AT YOUR 1155 00:39:52,724 --> 00:39:54,001 WELL, IT'S NICE BEING HERE, AND WHEN YOU LOOK AT YOUR RATINGS, I THINK YOU'LL GET A 1156 00:39:54,025 --> 00:39:54,836 AND WHEN YOU LOOK AT YOUR RATINGS, I THINK YOU'LL GET A LITTLE SURPRISE. 1157 00:39:54,860 --> 00:39:56,170 RATINGS, I THINK YOU'LL GET A LITTLE SURPRISE. [LAUGHS] 1158 00:39:56,194 --> 00:39:57,972 LITTLE SURPRISE. [LAUGHS] TUNE IN NEXT WEEK WHEN SENATOR 1159 00:39:57,996 --> 00:39:59,474 [LAUGHS] TUNE IN NEXT WEEK WHEN SENATOR BOB DOLE EXPLAINS HOW TV 1160 00:39:59,498 --> 00:40:00,508 TUNE IN NEXT WEEK WHEN SENATOR BOB DOLE EXPLAINS HOW TV DEBATING WORKS. 1161 00:40:00,532 --> 00:40:02,377 BOB DOLE EXPLAINS HOW TV DEBATING WORKS. AND NOW HERE'S THIS WEEK'S FILM 1162 00:40:02,401 --> 00:40:04,345 DEBATING WORKS. AND NOW HERE'S THIS WEEK'S FILM BY GARY WEIS. 1163 00:40:04,369 --> 00:40:07,615 AND NOW HERE'S THIS WEEK'S FILM BY GARY WEIS. [APPLAUSE] 1164 00:40:07,639 --> 00:40:10,585 BY GARY WEIS. [APPLAUSE] [WOMAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY] 1165 00:40:10,609 --> 00:40:14,221 [APPLAUSE] [WOMAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY] AND WE FIND THAT TRICKS AND 1166 00:40:14,245 --> 00:40:17,958 [WOMAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY] AND WE FIND THAT TRICKS AND JOKES HAVE BECOME LARGER AND 1167 00:40:17,982 --> 00:40:21,796 AND WE FIND THAT TRICKS AND JOKES HAVE BECOME LARGER AND LARGER SINCE WE HAVE STARTED. 1168 00:40:21,820 --> 00:40:23,398 JOKES HAVE BECOME LARGER AND LARGER SINCE WE HAVE STARTED. AND, OF COURSE... 1169 00:40:23,422 --> 00:40:24,399 LARGER SINCE WE HAVE STARTED. AND, OF COURSE... [PBHT!] 1170 00:40:24,423 --> 00:40:25,633 AND, OF COURSE... [PBHT!] OH, MY GOODNESS. 1171 00:40:25,657 --> 00:40:27,668 [PBHT!] OH, MY GOODNESS. THIS IS FUNNY. 1172 00:40:27,692 --> 00:40:30,304 OH, MY GOODNESS. THIS IS FUNNY. THIS IS A POO-POO CUSHION. 1173 00:40:30,328 --> 00:40:33,641 THIS IS FUNNY. THIS IS A POO-POO CUSHION. AND IT'S ONE OF OUR VERY, VERY 1174 00:40:33,665 --> 00:40:35,810 THIS IS A POO-POO CUSHION. AND IT'S ONE OF OUR VERY, VERY LARGE NUMBERS... 1175 00:40:35,834 --> 00:40:40,147 AND IT'S ONE OF OUR VERY, VERY LARGE NUMBERS... AND LOTS OF FUN AT PARTIES... 1176 00:40:40,171 --> 00:40:43,317 LARGE NUMBERS... AND LOTS OF FUN AT PARTIES... AND PRACTICAL JOKES AT HOME. 1177 00:40:43,341 --> 00:40:45,386 AND LOTS OF FUN AT PARTIES... AND PRACTICAL JOKES AT HOME. THESE ARE INSECTS. 1178 00:40:45,410 --> 00:40:48,523 AND PRACTICAL JOKES AT HOME. THESE ARE INSECTS. THIS IS USED IN SALADS, OR YOU 1179 00:40:48,547 --> 00:40:50,491 THESE ARE INSECTS. THIS IS USED IN SALADS, OR YOU COULD ON A TABLE. 1180 00:40:50,515 --> 00:40:53,795 THIS IS USED IN SALADS, OR YOU COULD ON A TABLE. AND NATURALLY, PEOPLE THINK THAT 1181 00:40:53,819 --> 00:40:56,230 COULD ON A TABLE. AND NATURALLY, PEOPLE THINK THAT YOU'RE NOT SO CLEAN. 1182 00:40:56,254 --> 00:41:00,835 AND NATURALLY, PEOPLE THINK THAT YOU'RE NOT SO CLEAN. HERE WE HAVE THE BLOODY WORM, 1183 00:41:00,859 --> 00:41:04,038 YOU'RE NOT SO CLEAN. HERE WE HAVE THE BLOODY WORM, WHICH IS ALSO USED IN SALADS 1184 00:41:04,062 --> 00:41:06,140 HERE WE HAVE THE BLOODY WORM, WHICH IS ALSO USED IN SALADS OR ON THE TABLE. 1185 00:41:06,164 --> 00:41:08,008 WHICH IS ALSO USED IN SALADS OR ON THE TABLE. AND NATURALLY WHEN THE PEOPLE 1186 00:41:08,032 --> 00:41:11,946 OR ON THE TABLE. AND NATURALLY WHEN THE PEOPLE SEE THAT, THEY SHUDDER AND GET 1187 00:41:11,970 --> 00:41:12,947 AND NATURALLY WHEN THE PEOPLE SEE THAT, THEY SHUDDER AND GET SCARED. 1188 00:41:12,971 --> 00:41:15,883 SEE THAT, THEY SHUDDER AND GET SCARED. HERE IS ONE OF OUR TERRIFIC 1189 00:41:15,907 --> 00:41:17,051 SCARED. HERE IS ONE OF OUR TERRIFIC NUMBERS. 1190 00:41:17,075 --> 00:41:19,887 HERE IS ONE OF OUR TERRIFIC NUMBERS. THE JUMBO RAT, WE CALL IT. 1191 00:41:19,911 --> 00:41:24,091 NUMBERS. THE JUMBO RAT, WE CALL IT. THIS IS A PEANUT BRITTLE CAN. 1192 00:41:24,115 --> 00:41:28,563 THE JUMBO RAT, WE CALL IT. THIS IS A PEANUT BRITTLE CAN. THIS I PERSONALLY PLAYED ON SOME 1193 00:41:28,587 --> 00:41:30,598 THIS IS A PEANUT BRITTLE CAN. THIS I PERSONALLY PLAYED ON SOME OF MY FRIENDS AT THE BEACH. 1194 00:41:30,622 --> 00:41:32,733 THIS I PERSONALLY PLAYED ON SOME OF MY FRIENDS AT THE BEACH. WE WERE HAVING A PARTY, AND I 1195 00:41:32,757 --> 00:41:34,936 OF MY FRIENDS AT THE BEACH. WE WERE HAVING A PARTY, AND I PRESENTED THIS TO THE HOSTESS, 1196 00:41:34,960 --> 00:41:37,905 WE WERE HAVING A PARTY, AND I PRESENTED THIS TO THE HOSTESS, AND WHEN SHE OPENED IT UP... 1197 00:41:37,929 --> 00:41:40,741 PRESENTED THIS TO THE HOSTESS, AND WHEN SHE OPENED IT UP... THREE BIG SNAKES CAME OUT. 1198 00:41:40,765 --> 00:41:43,143 AND WHEN SHE OPENED IT UP... THREE BIG SNAKES CAME OUT. AND IT WAS THE LAUGH OF THE 1199 00:41:43,167 --> 00:41:44,311 THREE BIG SNAKES CAME OUT. AND IT WAS THE LAUGH OF THE PARTY. 1200 00:41:44,335 --> 00:41:47,515 AND IT WAS THE LAUGH OF THE PARTY. THIS IS A TERRIFIC NUMBER. 1201 00:41:47,539 --> 00:41:48,916 PARTY. THIS IS A TERRIFIC NUMBER. THE BLACK SOAP. 1202 00:41:48,940 --> 00:41:50,685 THIS IS A TERRIFIC NUMBER. THE BLACK SOAP. IT LOOKS LIKE AN ORDINARY CAKE 1203 00:41:50,709 --> 00:41:53,888 THE BLACK SOAP. IT LOOKS LIKE AN ORDINARY CAKE OF SOAP, AND WHEN THEY WASH 1204 00:41:53,912 --> 00:41:56,991 IT LOOKS LIKE AN ORDINARY CAKE OF SOAP, AND WHEN THEY WASH THEIR HANDS, YOUR HANDS TURN 1205 00:41:57,015 --> 00:41:58,659 OF SOAP, AND WHEN THEY WASH THEIR HANDS, YOUR HANDS TURN BLACK. 1206 00:41:58,683 --> 00:42:00,828 THEIR HANDS, YOUR HANDS TURN BLACK. AND OF COURSE THEY GET VERY 1207 00:42:00,852 --> 00:42:04,398 BLACK. AND OF COURSE THEY GET VERY FRIGHTENED AND EXCITED OVER IT. 1208 00:42:04,422 --> 00:42:06,333 AND OF COURSE THEY GET VERY FRIGHTENED AND EXCITED OVER IT. THIS LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME AS 1209 00:42:06,357 --> 00:42:08,936 FRIGHTENED AND EXCITED OVER IT. THIS LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE BLACK SOAP, BUT THIS IS THE 1210 00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:10,505 THIS LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE BLACK SOAP, BUT THIS IS THE BLOODY SOAP. 1211 00:42:10,529 --> 00:42:13,140 THE BLACK SOAP, BUT THIS IS THE BLOODY SOAP. WE ALSO HAVE A HAND. 1212 00:42:13,164 --> 00:42:18,379 BLOODY SOAP. WE ALSO HAVE A HAND. I'D LOVE TO SHOW YOU THE HAND. 1213 00:42:18,403 --> 00:42:20,648 WE ALSO HAVE A HAND. I'D LOVE TO SHOW YOU THE HAND. YOU CAN PLACE THIS UNDER A 1214 00:42:20,672 --> 00:42:23,317 I'D LOVE TO SHOW YOU THE HAND. YOU CAN PLACE THIS UNDER A BLANKET JUST SO. 1215 00:42:23,341 --> 00:42:25,953 YOU CAN PLACE THIS UNDER A BLANKET JUST SO. BUT NOBODY BEING IN THE BED. 1216 00:42:25,977 --> 00:42:29,289 BLANKET JUST SO. BUT NOBODY BEING IN THE BED. YOU COULD PUT IT IN A DOOR. 1217 00:42:29,313 --> 00:42:32,326 BUT NOBODY BEING IN THE BED. YOU COULD PUT IT IN A DOOR. THIS IS ONE OF OUR VERY POPULAR 1218 00:42:32,350 --> 00:42:34,629 YOU COULD PUT IT IN A DOOR. THIS IS ONE OF OUR VERY POPULAR NUMBERS NOW. 1219 00:42:34,653 --> 00:42:38,599 THIS IS ONE OF OUR VERY POPULAR NUMBERS NOW. SINCE THE POLISH JOKES ARE SO 1220 00:42:38,623 --> 00:42:40,535 NUMBERS NOW. SINCE THE POLISH JOKES ARE SO VERY POPULAR. 1221 00:42:40,559 --> 00:42:44,739 SINCE THE POLISH JOKES ARE SO VERY POPULAR. AS A MATTER OF FACT, I JUST 1222 00:42:44,763 --> 00:42:46,741 VERY POPULAR. AS A MATTER OF FACT, I JUST RECEIVED AN ORDER FOR A POLISH 1223 00:42:46,765 --> 00:42:48,843 AS A MATTER OF FACT, I JUST RECEIVED AN ORDER FOR A POLISH DICTIONARY, BUT WE DON'T HAVE 1224 00:42:48,867 --> 00:42:49,476 RECEIVED AN ORDER FOR A POLISH DICTIONARY, BUT WE DON'T HAVE IT. 1225 00:42:49,500 --> 00:42:51,612 DICTIONARY, BUT WE DON'T HAVE IT. I WILL TRY AND GET IT. 1226 00:42:51,636 --> 00:42:54,582 IT. I WILL TRY AND GET IT. AND OF COURSE THIS IS ONE OF THE 1227 00:42:54,606 --> 00:42:58,485 I WILL TRY AND GET IT. AND OF COURSE THIS IS ONE OF THE OLD STANDBYS... THE JOY BUZZER. 1228 00:42:58,509 --> 00:43:02,823 AND OF COURSE THIS IS ONE OF THE OLD STANDBYS... THE JOY BUZZER. WE HAVE SO MANY ITEMS THAT I 1229 00:43:02,847 --> 00:43:05,893 OLD STANDBYS... THE JOY BUZZER. WE HAVE SO MANY ITEMS THAT I CAN'T SEE WHERE YOU COULDN'T GET 1230 00:43:05,917 --> 00:43:07,227 WE HAVE SO MANY ITEMS THAT I CAN'T SEE WHERE YOU COULDN'T GET A LAUGH. 1231 00:43:07,251 --> 00:43:12,166 CAN'T SEE WHERE YOU COULDN'T GET A LAUGH. AND IF, IN ANY EVENT, IT FAILS 1232 00:43:12,190 --> 00:43:15,135 A LAUGH. AND IF, IN ANY EVENT, IT FAILS THAT WAY, WHY, THEN, WE HAVE THE 1233 00:43:15,159 --> 00:43:18,105 AND IF, IN ANY EVENT, IT FAILS THAT WAY, WHY, THEN, WE HAVE THE LAUGH BAG, AND TRULY THIS WILL 1234 00:43:18,129 --> 00:43:19,774 THAT WAY, WHY, THEN, WE HAVE THE LAUGH BAG, AND TRULY THIS WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH. 1235 00:43:19,798 --> 00:43:26,948 LAUGH BAG, AND TRULY THIS WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH. [ LAUGHING] 1236 00:43:26,972 --> 00:43:28,972 MAKE YOU LAUGH. [ LAUGHING] [APPLAUSE] 1237 00:43:40,250 --> 00:43:43,898 [CHUCKLING] [Foreign accent] AND HE SAYS, "YOU WANT TO BUY THE SHOES? 1238 00:43:43,922 --> 00:43:46,567 [Foreign accent] AND HE SAYS, "YOU WANT TO BUY THE SHOES? DO IT!" [LAUGHS] 1239 00:43:46,591 --> 00:43:49,637 "YOU WANT TO BUY THE SHOES? DO IT!" [LAUGHS] OH, BUT, NEIL, NEIL, NEIL, WHO'S 1240 00:43:49,661 --> 00:43:52,139 DO IT!" [LAUGHS] OH, BUT, NEIL, NEIL, NEIL, WHO'S TALKING, ME OR YOU, NEIL? 1241 00:43:52,163 --> 00:43:53,574 OH, BUT, NEIL, NEIL, NEIL, WHO'S TALKING, ME OR YOU, NEIL? NEIL. 1242 00:43:53,598 --> 00:43:55,442 TALKING, ME OR YOU, NEIL? NEIL. YOU DON'T KNOW HOW PROUD IT 1243 00:43:55,466 --> 00:43:57,177 NEIL. YOU DON'T KNOW HOW PROUD IT MAKES US THAT YOU'VE BEEN 1244 00:43:57,201 --> 00:43:58,913 YOU DON'T KNOW HOW PROUD IT MAKES US THAT YOU'VE BEEN ACCEPTED INTO LAW SCHOOL! 1245 00:43:58,937 --> 00:44:00,380 MAKES US THAT YOU'VE BEEN ACCEPTED INTO LAW SCHOOL! THANK YOU, GRANDFATHER. 1246 00:44:00,404 --> 00:44:02,583 ACCEPTED INTO LAW SCHOOL! THANK YOU, GRANDFATHER. TO THINK I WOULD LIVE TO SEE 1247 00:44:02,607 --> 00:44:04,451 THANK YOU, GRANDFATHER. TO THINK I WOULD LIVE TO SEE THE DAY THAT HARVARD WOULD OPEN 1248 00:44:04,475 --> 00:44:06,186 TO THINK I WOULD LIVE TO SEE THE DAY THAT HARVARD WOULD OPEN ITS DOORS TO BEES. 1249 00:44:06,210 --> 00:44:06,921 THE DAY THAT HARVARD WOULD OPEN ITS DOORS TO BEES. AH. 1250 00:44:06,945 --> 00:44:08,723 ITS DOORS TO BEES. AH. WHY SHOULDN'T THEY? 1251 00:44:08,747 --> 00:44:10,491 AH. WHY SHOULDN'T THEY? "WHY SHOULDN'T THEY?" 1252 00:44:10,515 --> 00:44:12,760 WHY SHOULDN'T THEY? "WHY SHOULDN'T THEY?" BECAUSE, NEIL, IT WASN'T LONG 1253 00:44:12,784 --> 00:44:15,162 "WHY SHOULDN'T THEY?" BECAUSE, NEIL, IT WASN'T LONG AGO THAT A BEE IN AMERICA COULD 1254 00:44:15,186 --> 00:44:16,797 BECAUSE, NEIL, IT WASN'T LONG AGO THAT A BEE IN AMERICA COULD NOT HAVE DREAMED OF BECOMING A 1255 00:44:16,821 --> 00:44:18,265 AGO THAT A BEE IN AMERICA COULD NOT HAVE DREAMED OF BECOMING A LAWYER. 1256 00:44:18,289 --> 00:44:20,735 NOT HAVE DREAMED OF BECOMING A LAWYER. BEES WERE JUST ANOTHER MINORITY 1257 00:44:20,759 --> 00:44:25,239 LAWYER. BEES WERE JUST ANOTHER MINORITY IN A COUNTRY RUN BY WASPS. 1258 00:44:25,263 --> 00:44:27,141 BEES WERE JUST ANOTHER MINORITY IN A COUNTRY RUN BY WASPS. THAT'S RIGHT. 1259 00:44:27,165 --> 00:44:29,877 IN A COUNTRY RUN BY WASPS. THAT'S RIGHT. THE WASPS RAN EVERYTHING! 1260 00:44:29,901 --> 00:44:32,046 THAT'S RIGHT. THE WASPS RAN EVERYTHING! AND THEY TREATED BEES TERRIBLE. 1261 00:44:32,070 --> 00:44:34,281 THE WASPS RAN EVERYTHING! AND THEY TREATED BEES TERRIBLE. AND THE THINGS THEY CALLED US 1262 00:44:34,305 --> 00:44:35,850 AND THEY TREATED BEES TERRIBLE. AND THE THINGS THEY CALLED US YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE. 1263 00:44:35,874 --> 00:44:38,485 AND THE THINGS THEY CALLED US YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE. FLOWER SUCKERS. 1264 00:44:38,509 --> 00:44:41,321 YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE. FLOWER SUCKERS. ANTENNA HEADS. 1265 00:44:41,345 --> 00:44:42,690 FLOWER SUCKERS. ANTENNA HEADS. YOU KNOW, THEY CALL US 1266 00:44:42,714 --> 00:44:43,490 ANTENNA HEADS. YOU KNOW, THEY CALL US EVERYTHING. 1267 00:44:43,514 --> 00:44:45,059 YOU KNOW, THEY CALL US EVERYTHING. OH, NOT IN FRONT OF THE 1268 00:44:45,083 --> 00:44:45,592 EVERYTHING. OH, NOT IN FRONT OF THE CHILD. 1269 00:44:45,616 --> 00:44:46,426 OH, NOT IN FRONT OF THE CHILD. HE SHOULD KNOW. 1270 00:44:46,450 --> 00:44:47,828 CHILD. HE SHOULD KNOW. HE SHOULD KNOW. 1271 00:44:47,852 --> 00:44:50,064 HE SHOULD KNOW. HE SHOULD KNOW. THEY CALLED US FLYING BARBER 1272 00:44:50,088 --> 00:44:52,199 HE SHOULD KNOW. THEY CALLED US FLYING BARBER POLES, BEE STUFFERS, QUEEN 1273 00:44:52,223 --> 00:44:53,834 THEY CALLED US FLYING BARBER POLES, BEE STUFFERS, QUEEN STUFFERS, YOU KNOW. 1274 00:44:53,858 --> 00:44:55,770 POLES, BEE STUFFERS, QUEEN STUFFERS, YOU KNOW. IT WAS TERRIBLE. 1275 00:44:55,794 --> 00:44:57,972 STUFFERS, YOU KNOW. IT WAS TERRIBLE. I CAN STILL REMEMBER THE FIRST 1276 00:44:57,996 --> 00:45:00,908 IT WAS TERRIBLE. I CAN STILL REMEMBER THE FIRST WASP I EVER MET. 1277 00:45:00,932 --> 00:45:03,243 I CAN STILL REMEMBER THE FIRST WASP I EVER MET. IT WAS, UH, IMMIGRATION 1278 00:45:03,267 --> 00:45:05,546 WASP I EVER MET. IT WAS, UH, IMMIGRATION OFFICIAL, ELLIS ISLAND. 1279 00:45:05,570 --> 00:45:08,115 IT WAS, UH, IMMIGRATION OFFICIAL, ELLIS ISLAND. AND THERE WERE YOUR GRANDMOTHER 1280 00:45:08,139 --> 00:45:10,217 OFFICIAL, ELLIS ISLAND. AND THERE WERE YOUR GRANDMOTHER AND I, FRESH FROM THE OLD 1281 00:45:10,241 --> 00:45:12,853 AND THERE WERE YOUR GRANDMOTHER AND I, FRESH FROM THE OLD COUNTRY, GETTING OUR FIRST TASTE 1282 00:45:12,877 --> 00:45:15,677 AND I, FRESH FROM THE OLD COUNTRY, GETTING OUR FIRST TASTE OF PREJUDICE. 1283 00:45:21,852 --> 00:45:29,852 OKAY, THANK YOU. ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU. 1284 00:45:30,294 --> 00:45:33,674 ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU. ALL RIGHT. 1285 00:45:33,698 --> 00:45:36,143 THANK YOU. ALL RIGHT. VERIFY THIS. 1286 00:45:36,167 --> 00:45:38,512 ALL RIGHT. VERIFY THIS. INCLUDE THIS HERE. 1287 00:45:38,536 --> 00:45:41,048 VERIFY THIS. INCLUDE THIS HERE. HO HO HO, UH-OH. 1288 00:45:41,072 --> 00:45:43,217 INCLUDE THIS HERE. HO HO HO, UH-OH. WHAT'S BLACK AND YELLOW AND RED 1289 00:45:43,241 --> 00:45:44,051 HO HO HO, UH-OH. WHAT'S BLACK AND YELLOW AND RED ALL OVER? 1290 00:45:44,075 --> 00:45:45,652 WHAT'S BLACK AND YELLOW AND RED ALL OVER? WELL, I DON'T KNOW. 1291 00:45:45,676 --> 00:45:47,387 ALL OVER? WELL, I DON'T KNOW. A DEAD BEE COVERED WITH A 1292 00:45:47,411 --> 00:45:48,189 WELL, I DON'T KNOW. A DEAD BEE COVERED WITH A NEWSPAPER. 1293 00:45:48,213 --> 00:45:49,356 A DEAD BEE COVERED WITH A NEWSPAPER. [BOTH LAUGH] 1294 00:45:49,380 --> 00:45:51,025 NEWSPAPER. [BOTH LAUGH] WATCH THIS. 1295 00:45:51,049 --> 00:45:55,495 [BOTH LAUGH] WATCH THIS. EVER HAD HIVES? 1296 00:45:55,519 --> 00:45:56,163 WATCH THIS. EVER HAD HIVES? NO. 1297 00:45:56,187 --> 00:45:57,765 EVER HAD HIVES? NO. COME ON, LET'S SEE YOUR 1298 00:45:57,789 --> 00:45:58,365 NO. COME ON, LET'S SEE YOUR PAPERS. 1299 00:45:58,389 --> 00:46:00,267 COME ON, LET'S SEE YOUR PAPERS. COME ON, COME ON. 1300 00:46:00,291 --> 00:46:02,569 PAPERS. COME ON, COME ON. YES, SIR, RIGHT HERE. 1301 00:46:02,593 --> 00:46:03,771 COME ON, COME ON. YES, SIR, RIGHT HERE. ALL RIGHT, WHAT ARE YOUR 1302 00:46:03,795 --> 00:46:04,638 YES, SIR, RIGHT HERE. ALL RIGHT, WHAT ARE YOUR NAMES? 1303 00:46:04,662 --> 00:46:08,242 ALL RIGHT, WHAT ARE YOUR NAMES? MR. AND MRS. HERSCHELL 1304 00:46:08,266 --> 00:46:10,477 NAMES? MR. AND MRS. HERSCHELL BLOUSHVASINS... WHAT IS THIS? 1305 00:46:10,501 --> 00:46:12,113 MR. AND MRS. HERSCHELL BLOUSHVASINS... WHAT IS THIS? BLOUSHRASINSKY. 1306 00:46:12,137 --> 00:46:13,380 BLOUSHVASINS... WHAT IS THIS? BLOUSHRASINSKY. TOO HARD TO PRONOUNCE. 1307 00:46:13,404 --> 00:46:14,648 BLOUSHRASINSKY. TOO HARD TO PRONOUNCE. FROM NOW ON YOU'LL BE 1308 00:46:14,672 --> 00:46:17,517 TOO HARD TO PRONOUNCE. FROM NOW ON YOU'LL BE MR. AND MRS. HENRY BEE. 1309 00:46:17,541 --> 00:46:21,021 FROM NOW ON YOU'LL BE MR. AND MRS. HENRY BEE. BEE? 1310 00:46:21,045 --> 00:46:22,322 MR. AND MRS. HENRY BEE. BEE? GET MOVING. 1311 00:46:22,346 --> 00:46:24,491 BEE? GET MOVING. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, SIR. 1312 00:46:24,515 --> 00:46:25,626 GET MOVING. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, SIR. WE GO THIS WAY. 1313 00:46:25,650 --> 00:46:27,027 THANK YOU VERY MUCH, SIR. WE GO THIS WAY. [CHUCKLING] 1314 00:46:27,051 --> 00:46:28,729 WE GO THIS WAY. [CHUCKLING] BOY, I'D LOVE TO DIP MY SPOON IN 1315 00:46:28,753 --> 00:46:30,597 [CHUCKLING] BOY, I'D LOVE TO DIP MY SPOON IN HER HONEY. 1316 00:46:30,621 --> 00:46:33,868 BOY, I'D LOVE TO DIP MY SPOON IN HER HONEY. YES? 1317 00:46:33,892 --> 00:46:36,303 HER HONEY. YES? SO, FROM THE FIRST, WE HATED 1318 00:46:36,327 --> 00:46:37,337 YES? SO, FROM THE FIRST, WE HATED THE WASPS. 1319 00:46:37,361 --> 00:46:39,306 SO, FROM THE FIRST, WE HATED THE WASPS. THEY CALLED US INSECTS. 1320 00:46:39,330 --> 00:46:41,108 THE WASPS. THEY CALLED US INSECTS. THEY CALLED US PESTS. 1321 00:46:41,132 --> 00:46:43,110 THEY CALLED US INSECTS. THEY CALLED US PESTS. THEY SENT US TO SPECIAL SCHOOLS 1322 00:46:43,134 --> 00:46:45,279 THEY CALLED US PESTS. THEY SENT US TO SPECIAL SCHOOLS TO LEARN HOW TO TALK LIKE THIS. 1323 00:46:45,303 --> 00:46:48,215 THEY SENT US TO SPECIAL SCHOOLS TO LEARN HOW TO TALK LIKE THIS. BUT WE DID LOVE NEW YORK. 1324 00:46:48,239 --> 00:46:50,151 TO LEARN HOW TO TALK LIKE THIS. BUT WE DID LOVE NEW YORK. THE HUSTLE, THE BUSTLE. 1325 00:46:50,175 --> 00:46:52,452 BUT WE DID LOVE NEW YORK. THE HUSTLE, THE BUSTLE. IT WAS EXCITING FOR A YOUNG BEE 1326 00:46:52,476 --> 00:46:54,655 THE HUSTLE, THE BUSTLE. IT WAS EXCITING FOR A YOUNG BEE WHO HAD JUST FLOWN OFF THE BOAT. 1327 00:46:54,679 --> 00:46:58,625 IT WAS EXCITING FOR A YOUNG BEE WHO HAD JUST FLOWN OFF THE BOAT. YES, THIS WAS AMERICA THAT HELD 1328 00:46:58,649 --> 00:47:01,195 WHO HAD JUST FLOWN OFF THE BOAT. YES, THIS WAS AMERICA THAT HELD SO MUCH PROMISE FOR THE BEE. 1329 00:47:01,219 --> 00:47:03,998 YES, THIS WAS AMERICA THAT HELD SO MUCH PROMISE FOR THE BEE. FOR IT WAS THE LAND OF MILK AND 1330 00:47:04,022 --> 00:47:06,533 SO MUCH PROMISE FOR THE BEE. FOR IT WAS THE LAND OF MILK AND HONEY. 1331 00:47:06,557 --> 00:47:08,669 FOR IT WAS THE LAND OF MILK AND HONEY. BUT, SIR, I ALREADY WORK 18 1332 00:47:08,693 --> 00:47:09,703 HONEY. BUT, SIR, I ALREADY WORK 18 HOURS A DAY! 1333 00:47:09,727 --> 00:47:11,738 BUT, SIR, I ALREADY WORK 18 HOURS A DAY! NOW, IF YOU ADD 8 MORE HOURS 1334 00:47:11,762 --> 00:47:13,774 HOURS A DAY! NOW, IF YOU ADD 8 MORE HOURS OVERTIME, I'LL BE WORKING 26 1335 00:47:13,798 --> 00:47:14,809 NOW, IF YOU ADD 8 MORE HOURS OVERTIME, I'LL BE WORKING 26 HOURS A DAY. 1336 00:47:14,833 --> 00:47:16,210 OVERTIME, I'LL BE WORKING 26 HOURS A DAY. THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! 1337 00:47:16,234 --> 00:47:17,711 HOURS A DAY. THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! IF I MAY SO, IT'S ATTITUDES 1338 00:47:17,735 --> 00:47:19,113 THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! IF I MAY SO, IT'S ATTITUDES LIKE THAT THAT HAVE KEPT YOU 1339 00:47:19,137 --> 00:47:20,514 IF I MAY SO, IT'S ATTITUDES LIKE THAT THAT HAVE KEPT YOU PEOPLE WHERE YOU ARE, ROCHESTER. 1340 00:47:20,538 --> 00:47:21,949 LIKE THAT THAT HAVE KEPT YOU PEOPLE WHERE YOU ARE, ROCHESTER. LOOK, WITH THE WAGES YOU 1341 00:47:21,973 --> 00:47:23,450 PEOPLE WHERE YOU ARE, ROCHESTER. LOOK, WITH THE WAGES YOU PAYING ME, I CAN'T SUPPORT MY 1342 00:47:23,474 --> 00:47:23,984 LOOK, WITH THE WAGES YOU PAYING ME, I CAN'T SUPPORT MY FAMILY! 1343 00:47:24,008 --> 00:47:25,585 PAYING ME, I CAN'T SUPPORT MY FAMILY! SURE, THE WAGES ARE LOW, BUT 1344 00:47:25,609 --> 00:47:27,188 FAMILY! SURE, THE WAGES ARE LOW, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE FRINGE BENEFITS? 1345 00:47:27,212 --> 00:47:28,222 SURE, THE WAGES ARE LOW, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE FRINGE BENEFITS? FRINGE BENEFITS? 1346 00:47:28,246 --> 00:47:29,623 WHAT ABOUT THE FRINGE BENEFITS? FRINGE BENEFITS? YES, ALL THE AIR YOU CAN 1347 00:47:29,647 --> 00:47:31,025 FRINGE BENEFITS? YES, ALL THE AIR YOU CAN BREATHE, FREE WALLS, AND PLENTY 1348 00:47:31,049 --> 00:47:32,026 YES, ALL THE AIR YOU CAN BREATHE, FREE WALLS, AND PLENTY OF FRESH WORK. 1349 00:47:32,050 --> 00:47:34,128 BREATHE, FREE WALLS, AND PLENTY OF FRESH WORK. HEY, THAT'S IT! 1350 00:47:34,152 --> 00:47:37,264 OF FRESH WORK. HEY, THAT'S IT! I QUIT THIS LOUSY SWEATSHOP! 1351 00:47:37,288 --> 00:47:38,532 HEY, THAT'S IT! I QUIT THIS LOUSY SWEATSHOP! DID YOU ALL HEAR THAT? 1352 00:47:38,556 --> 00:47:39,666 I QUIT THIS LOUSY SWEATSHOP! DID YOU ALL HEAR THAT? HE CALLED THIS A LOUSY 1353 00:47:39,690 --> 00:47:40,301 DID YOU ALL HEAR THAT? HE CALLED THIS A LOUSY SWEATSHOP. 1354 00:47:40,325 --> 00:47:41,702 HE CALLED THIS A LOUSY SWEATSHOP. WELL, HE HAS A POINT, REALLY, 1355 00:47:41,726 --> 00:47:43,270 SWEATSHOP. WELL, HE HAS A POINT, REALLY, BECAUSE IT IS A LOUSY SWEATSHOP. 1356 00:47:43,294 --> 00:47:44,839 WELL, HE HAS A POINT, REALLY, BECAUSE IT IS A LOUSY SWEATSHOP. WE HAVEN'T PRODUCED ENOUGH SWEAT 1357 00:47:44,863 --> 00:47:46,340 BECAUSE IT IS A LOUSY SWEATSHOP. WE HAVEN'T PRODUCED ENOUGH SWEAT IN THE LAST FEW WEEKS TO KEEP A 1358 00:47:46,364 --> 00:47:47,007 WE HAVEN'T PRODUCED ENOUGH SWEAT IN THE LAST FEW WEEKS TO KEEP A BIRD ALIVE. 1359 00:47:47,031 --> 00:47:49,343 IN THE LAST FEW WEEKS TO KEEP A BIRD ALIVE. EXCUSE ME, SIR, MAY I MAKE A 1360 00:47:49,367 --> 00:47:50,410 BIRD ALIVE. EXCUSE ME, SIR, MAY I MAKE A SUGGESTION? 1361 00:47:50,434 --> 00:47:52,813 EXCUSE ME, SIR, MAY I MAKE A SUGGESTION? PERHAPS SWEAT PRODUCTION IS DOWN 1362 00:47:52,837 --> 00:47:55,216 SUGGESTION? PERHAPS SWEAT PRODUCTION IS DOWN BECAUSE YOUR SPACE IS BEING USED 1363 00:47:55,240 --> 00:47:56,450 PERHAPS SWEAT PRODUCTION IS DOWN BECAUSE YOUR SPACE IS BEING USED INEFFICIENTLY. 1364 00:47:56,474 --> 00:47:58,719 BECAUSE YOUR SPACE IS BEING USED INEFFICIENTLY. YOU COULD ADD QUITE A FEW MORE 1365 00:47:58,743 --> 00:48:00,955 INEFFICIENTLY. YOU COULD ADD QUITE A FEW MORE SEWING MACHINES IN THIS AREA, 1366 00:48:00,979 --> 00:48:02,056 YOU COULD ADD QUITE A FEW MORE SEWING MACHINES IN THIS AREA, FOR EXAMPLE. 1367 00:48:02,080 --> 00:48:03,290 SEWING MACHINES IN THIS AREA, FOR EXAMPLE. SAY, THAT'S INTERESTING. 1368 00:48:03,314 --> 00:48:04,491 FOR EXAMPLE. SAY, THAT'S INTERESTING. WHY DON'T YOU STEP INTO MY 1369 00:48:04,515 --> 00:48:04,959 SAY, THAT'S INTERESTING. WHY DON'T YOU STEP INTO MY OFFICE? 1370 00:48:04,983 --> 00:48:05,993 WHY DON'T YOU STEP INTO MY OFFICE? WE'LL TALK ABOUT THAT. 1371 00:48:06,017 --> 00:48:06,793 OFFICE? WE'LL TALK ABOUT THAT. OH, YES, SIR. 1372 00:48:06,817 --> 00:48:08,095 WE'LL TALK ABOUT THAT. OH, YES, SIR. YES, SIR. 1373 00:48:08,119 --> 00:48:10,530 OH, YES, SIR. YES, SIR. AND SO I GOT MY FIRST 1374 00:48:10,554 --> 00:48:11,798 YES, SIR. AND SO I GOT MY FIRST PROMOTION. 1375 00:48:11,822 --> 00:48:14,501 AND SO I GOT MY FIRST PROMOTION. SOON I WAS DOING VERY WELL. 1376 00:48:14,525 --> 00:48:16,770 PROMOTION. SOON I WAS DOING VERY WELL. BUT WHILE I WAS AS SUCCESSFUL AS 1377 00:48:16,794 --> 00:48:19,306 SOON I WAS DOING VERY WELL. BUT WHILE I WAS AS SUCCESSFUL AS MANY OTHER WASPS, I WAS NEVER 1378 00:48:19,330 --> 00:48:21,508 BUT WHILE I WAS AS SUCCESSFUL AS MANY OTHER WASPS, I WAS NEVER REALLY ACCEPTED BY THEM. 1379 00:48:21,532 --> 00:48:23,810 MANY OTHER WASPS, I WAS NEVER REALLY ACCEPTED BY THEM. I COULD NOT GAIN ADMITTANCE TO 1380 00:48:23,834 --> 00:48:26,680 REALLY ACCEPTED BY THEM. I COULD NOT GAIN ADMITTANCE TO THEIR SWANK CLUBS AND HOTELS. 1381 00:48:26,704 --> 00:48:29,716 I COULD NOT GAIN ADMITTANCE TO THEIR SWANK CLUBS AND HOTELS. SOCIALLY, I WAS STILL ON THE 1382 00:48:29,740 --> 00:48:34,154 THEIR SWANK CLUBS AND HOTELS. SOCIALLY, I WAS STILL ON THE "B" TEAM. 1383 00:48:34,178 --> 00:48:36,357 SOCIALLY, I WAS STILL ON THE "B" TEAM. BUT, HENRY, WE DON'T BELONG 1384 00:48:36,381 --> 00:48:36,957 "B" TEAM. BUT, HENRY, WE DON'T BELONG HERE. 1385 00:48:36,981 --> 00:48:38,959 BUT, HENRY, WE DON'T BELONG HERE. DID YOU SEE THE SIGN AT THE 1386 00:48:38,983 --> 00:48:39,593 HERE. DID YOU SEE THE SIGN AT THE DESK? 1387 00:48:39,617 --> 00:48:41,395 DID YOU SEE THE SIGN AT THE DESK? IT SAID, "WE DON'T ACCEPT CREDIT 1388 00:48:41,419 --> 00:48:43,163 DESK? IT SAID, "WE DON'T ACCEPT CREDIT CARDS OR BEES." 1389 00:48:43,187 --> 00:48:44,498 IT SAID, "WE DON'T ACCEPT CREDIT CARDS OR BEES." DON'T BE SILLY. 1390 00:48:44,522 --> 00:48:46,500 CARDS OR BEES." DON'T BE SILLY. MY OLD BOSS STAYS THIS HOTEL. 1391 00:48:46,524 --> 00:48:47,434 DON'T BE SILLY. MY OLD BOSS STAYS THIS HOTEL. SO WILL WE. 1392 00:48:47,458 --> 00:48:48,568 MY OLD BOSS STAYS THIS HOTEL. SO WILL WE. I FEEL VERY UN... 1393 00:48:48,592 --> 00:48:49,870 SO WILL WE. I FEEL VERY UN... WE'RE GONNA STAY HERE, AND 1394 00:48:49,894 --> 00:48:51,171 I FEEL VERY UN... WE'RE GONNA STAY HERE, AND THEY'RE GONNA TAKE US. 1395 00:48:51,195 --> 00:48:52,539 WE'RE GONNA STAY HERE, AND THEY'RE GONNA TAKE US. BUT THEY STARE AT US. 1396 00:48:52,563 --> 00:48:53,640 THEY'RE GONNA TAKE US. BUT THEY STARE AT US. IT'S SWANK, AIN'T IT? 1397 00:48:53,664 --> 00:48:55,109 BUT THEY STARE AT US. IT'S SWANK, AIN'T IT? I SAID TO HODGKINS, "TAKE 1398 00:48:55,133 --> 00:48:56,710 IT'S SWANK, AIN'T IT? I SAID TO HODGKINS, "TAKE THIS RASCAL OUT AND THRASH HIM. 1399 00:48:56,734 --> 00:48:58,512 I SAID TO HODGKINS, "TAKE THIS RASCAL OUT AND THRASH HIM. HE SPLASHED MUD ON THE LaSALLE." 1400 00:48:58,536 --> 00:48:59,679 THIS RASCAL OUT AND THRASH HIM. HE SPLASHED MUD ON THE LaSALLE." [LAUGHTER] 1401 00:48:59,703 --> 00:49:01,248 HE SPLASHED MUD ON THE LaSALLE." [LAUGHTER] IT WAS QUITE SHOCKING, REALLY. 1402 00:49:01,272 --> 00:49:01,982 [LAUGHTER] IT WAS QUITE SHOCKING, REALLY. HELLO! 1403 00:49:02,006 --> 00:49:03,150 IT WAS QUITE SHOCKING, REALLY. HELLO! GUESS WHO'S HERE. 1404 00:49:03,174 --> 00:49:04,751 HELLO! GUESS WHO'S HERE. HEY, WE JUST FLEW IN FROM 1405 00:49:04,775 --> 00:49:05,619 GUESS WHO'S HERE. HEY, WE JUST FLEW IN FROM NEW JERSEY. 1406 00:49:05,643 --> 00:49:07,154 HEY, WE JUST FLEW IN FROM NEW JERSEY. BOY, ARE OUR ARMS TIRED. 1407 00:49:07,178 --> 00:49:08,222 NEW JERSEY. BOY, ARE OUR ARMS TIRED. [LAUGHS] 1408 00:49:08,246 --> 00:49:09,723 BOY, ARE OUR ARMS TIRED. [LAUGHS] REGGIE AND CHRISTINA, I'D 1409 00:49:09,747 --> 00:49:11,392 [LAUGHS] REGGIE AND CHRISTINA, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET HENRY AND... I 1410 00:49:11,416 --> 00:49:12,759 REGGIE AND CHRISTINA, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET HENRY AND... I DO FORGET YOUR LAST NAME. 1411 00:49:12,783 --> 00:49:13,660 LIKE YOU TO MEET HENRY AND... I DO FORGET YOUR LAST NAME. BEE. 1412 00:49:13,684 --> 00:49:15,963 DO FORGET YOUR LAST NAME. BEE. YES, THEY'RE SORT OF... 1413 00:49:15,987 --> 00:49:17,031 BEE. YES, THEY'RE SORT OF... HEY, HOW 'BOUT TENNIS 1414 00:49:17,055 --> 00:49:17,531 YES, THEY'RE SORT OF... HEY, HOW 'BOUT TENNIS TOMORROW? 1415 00:49:17,555 --> 00:49:18,598 HEY, HOW 'BOUT TENNIS TOMORROW? WHAT DO YOU SAY? TENNIS? 1416 00:49:18,622 --> 00:49:20,367 TOMORROW? WHAT DO YOU SAY? TENNIS? OH, WE'RE TERRIBLY SORRY BUT 1417 00:49:20,391 --> 00:49:22,569 WHAT DO YOU SAY? TENNIS? OH, WE'RE TERRIBLY SORRY BUT THE COURTS ARE BROKEN. 1418 00:49:22,593 --> 00:49:24,638 OH, WE'RE TERRIBLY SORRY BUT THE COURTS ARE BROKEN. WELL, HOW 'BOUT A SWIM? 1419 00:49:24,662 --> 00:49:26,974 THE COURTS ARE BROKEN. WELL, HOW 'BOUT A SWIM? WELL, THE POOL BURNED DOWN. 1420 00:49:26,998 --> 00:49:28,642 WELL, HOW 'BOUT A SWIM? WELL, THE POOL BURNED DOWN. HORSEBACK RIDING. 1421 00:49:28,666 --> 00:49:30,077 WELL, THE POOL BURNED DOWN. HORSEBACK RIDING. THE HORSES ARE BROKEN. 1422 00:49:30,101 --> 00:49:31,145 HORSEBACK RIDING. THE HORSES ARE BROKEN. [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] 1423 00:49:31,169 --> 00:49:32,546 THE HORSES ARE BROKEN. [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] WELL, BIRD WATCHING. 1424 00:49:32,570 --> 00:49:33,914 [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] WELL, BIRD WATCHING. WE CAN WATCH THE BIRDS. 1425 00:49:33,938 --> 00:49:35,416 WELL, BIRD WATCHING. WE CAN WATCH THE BIRDS. THE BIRDS BURNED DOWN. 1426 00:49:35,440 --> 00:49:36,951 WE CAN WATCH THE BIRDS. THE BIRDS BURNED DOWN. BIRDS BURNED DOWN, HUH? 1427 00:49:36,975 --> 00:49:38,685 THE BIRDS BURNED DOWN. BIRDS BURNED DOWN, HUH? WELL, HOW 'BOUT SOME SOLITAIRE? 1428 00:49:38,709 --> 00:49:39,786 BIRDS BURNED DOWN, HUH? WELL, HOW 'BOUT SOME SOLITAIRE? WONDERFUL IDEA. 1429 00:49:39,810 --> 00:49:40,487 WELL, HOW 'BOUT SOME SOLITAIRE? WONDERFUL IDEA. CARDS. 1430 00:49:40,511 --> 00:49:41,721 WONDERFUL IDEA. CARDS. YOU KEEP IN TOUCH. 1431 00:49:41,745 --> 00:49:43,324 CARDS. YOU KEEP IN TOUCH. HOW 'BOUT SOME HOPSCOTCH? 1432 00:49:43,348 --> 00:49:46,308 YOU KEEP IN TOUCH. HOW 'BOUT SOME HOPSCOTCH? MAYBE WE COULD PLAY SOME? 1433 00:49:51,455 --> 00:49:59,406 WELL, I TRIED TO FIT IN, BUT THE WASPS DIDN'T WELCOME ME. NO MATTER HOW I ADJUSTED MY 1434 00:49:59,430 --> 00:50:02,977 THE WASPS DIDN'T WELCOME ME. NO MATTER HOW I ADJUSTED MY ANTENNA, THE RECEPTION WAS BAD. 1435 00:50:03,001 --> 00:50:06,113 NO MATTER HOW I ADJUSTED MY ANTENNA, THE RECEPTION WAS BAD. FINALLY I REALIZED, THESE PEOPLE 1436 00:50:06,137 --> 00:50:08,915 ANTENNA, THE RECEPTION WAS BAD. FINALLY I REALIZED, THESE PEOPLE WEREN'T FOR ME, SO I STOPPED 1437 00:50:08,939 --> 00:50:11,151 FINALLY I REALIZED, THESE PEOPLE WEREN'T FOR ME, SO I STOPPED TRYING TO FIT IN AND BECAME A 1438 00:50:11,175 --> 00:50:13,787 WEREN'T FOR ME, SO I STOPPED TRYING TO FIT IN AND BECAME A SUCCESS ON MY OWN. 1439 00:50:13,811 --> 00:50:16,357 TRYING TO FIT IN AND BECAME A SUCCESS ON MY OWN. AND OTHER BEES DID THE SAME. 1440 00:50:16,381 --> 00:50:19,226 SUCCESS ON MY OWN. AND OTHER BEES DID THE SAME. THEY DISTINGUISHED THEMSELVES IN 1441 00:50:19,250 --> 00:50:24,331 AND OTHER BEES DID THE SAME. THEY DISTINGUISHED THEMSELVES IN MANY AREAS. 1442 00:50:24,355 --> 00:50:26,533 THEY DISTINGUISHED THEMSELVES IN MANY AREAS. SOME OF OUR MOST OUTSTANDING 1443 00:50:26,557 --> 00:50:29,169 MANY AREAS. SOME OF OUR MOST OUTSTANDING AMERICANS WERE BEES. 1444 00:50:29,193 --> 00:50:32,772 SOME OF OUR MOST OUTSTANDING AMERICANS WERE BEES. FEW PEOPLE KNOW THIS, NEIL, BUT 1445 00:50:32,796 --> 00:50:36,743 AMERICANS WERE BEES. FEW PEOPLE KNOW THIS, NEIL, BUT FRANKLIN ROOSEVELT WAS A BEE. 1446 00:50:36,767 --> 00:50:40,914 FEW PEOPLE KNOW THIS, NEIL, BUT FRANKLIN ROOSEVELT WAS A BEE. YUL BRYNNER WAS A BEE. 1447 00:50:40,938 --> 00:50:44,251 FRANKLIN ROOSEVELT WAS A BEE. YUL BRYNNER WAS A BEE. BISHOP SHEEN WAS A BEE. 1448 00:50:44,275 --> 00:50:47,221 YUL BRYNNER WAS A BEE. BISHOP SHEEN WAS A BEE. NEIL ARMSTRONG... HE WAS A BEE. 1449 00:50:47,245 --> 00:50:50,757 BISHOP SHEEN WAS A BEE. NEIL ARMSTRONG... HE WAS A BEE. EVA GABOR WAS A BEE. 1450 00:50:50,781 --> 00:50:54,728 NEIL ARMSTRONG... HE WAS A BEE. EVA GABOR WAS A BEE. AND THE 1965-'67 GREEN BAY 1451 00:50:54,752 --> 00:50:57,831 EVA GABOR WAS A BEE. AND THE 1965-'67 GREEN BAY PACKERS WERE BEES! 1452 00:50:57,855 --> 00:51:00,867 AND THE 1965-'67 GREEN BAY PACKERS WERE BEES! AMERICA HAS BEEN KIND TO THE 1453 00:51:00,891 --> 00:51:02,269 PACKERS WERE BEES! AMERICA HAS BEEN KIND TO THE BEE, NEIL. 1454 00:51:02,293 --> 00:51:03,637 AMERICA HAS BEEN KIND TO THE BEE, NEIL. VERY KIND. 1455 00:51:03,661 --> 00:51:06,806 BEE, NEIL. VERY KIND. SO ALWAYS REMEMBER, NEIL, YOU 1456 00:51:06,830 --> 00:51:09,743 VERY KIND. SO ALWAYS REMEMBER, NEIL, YOU COME FROM A PROUD HERITAGE. 1457 00:51:09,767 --> 00:51:12,612 SO ALWAYS REMEMBER, NEIL, YOU COME FROM A PROUD HERITAGE. SO DON'T LET ANYONE FOR NO 1458 00:51:12,636 --> 00:51:15,949 COME FROM A PROUD HERITAGE. SO DON'T LET ANYONE FOR NO REASON WHAT ALL, NO MATTER WHAT 1459 00:51:15,973 --> 00:51:19,086 SO DON'T LET ANYONE FOR NO REASON WHAT ALL, NO MATTER WHAT ANYBODY SAYS, YOU'RE NOT JUST 1460 00:51:19,110 --> 00:51:22,089 REASON WHAT ALL, NO MATTER WHAT ANYBODY SAYS, YOU'RE NOT JUST ANOTHER LOUSY SON OF A BEE. 1461 00:51:22,113 --> 00:51:24,753 ANYBODY SAYS, YOU'RE NOT JUST ANOTHER LOUSY SON OF A BEE. [APPLAUSE] 1462 00:51:38,528 --> 00:51:44,678 Announcer: AND NOW ONCE AGAIN, HERE'S RY COODER. [INTRO TO "HE'LL HAVE TO GO" 1463 00:51:44,702 --> 00:51:47,022 AGAIN, HERE'S RY COODER. [INTRO TO "HE'LL HAVE TO GO" PLAYS] 1464 00:52:05,555 --> 00:52:13,555 ♪ PUT YOUR SWEET LIPS A LITTLE CLOSER TO THE PHONE ♪ ♪ LET'S PRETEND THAT WE'RE 1465 00:52:18,336 --> 00:52:24,951 A LITTLE CLOSER TO THE PHONE ♪ ♪ LET'S PRETEND THAT WE'RE TOGETHER ALL ALONE ♪ 1466 00:52:24,975 --> 00:52:28,555 ♪ LET'S PRETEND THAT WE'RE TOGETHER ALL ALONE ♪ ♪ I'LL TELL THE MAN TO TURN 1467 00:52:28,579 --> 00:52:34,828 TOGETHER ALL ALONE ♪ ♪ I'LL TELL THE MAN TO TURN THE JUKEBOX WAY DOWN LOW ♪ 1468 00:52:34,852 --> 00:52:38,398 ♪ I'LL TELL THE MAN TO TURN THE JUKEBOX WAY DOWN LOW ♪ ♪ AND YOU CAN TELL YOUR FRIEND 1469 00:52:38,422 --> 00:52:42,369 THE JUKEBOX WAY DOWN LOW ♪ ♪ AND YOU CAN TELL YOUR FRIEND THERE WITH YOU... 1470 00:52:42,393 --> 00:52:45,528 ♪ AND YOU CAN TELL YOUR FRIEND THERE WITH YOU... HE'LL HAVE TO GO ♪ 1471 00:52:50,333 --> 00:52:58,333 ♪ WHISPER TO ME ♪ ♪ TELL ME DO YOU LOVE ME TOO? ♪ ♪ OR IS HE HOLDING YOU 1472 00:53:04,515 --> 00:53:09,763 ♪ TELL ME DO YOU LOVE ME TOO? ♪ ♪ OR IS HE HOLDING YOU THE WAY I DO? ♪ 1473 00:53:09,787 --> 00:53:11,865 ♪ OR IS HE HOLDING YOU THE WAY I DO? ♪ ♪ THOUGH LOVE IS BLIND ♪ 1474 00:53:11,889 --> 00:53:15,068 THE WAY I DO? ♪ ♪ THOUGH LOVE IS BLIND ♪ ♪ MAKE UP YOUR MIND ♪ 1475 00:53:15,092 --> 00:53:19,706 ♪ THOUGH LOVE IS BLIND ♪ ♪ MAKE UP YOUR MIND ♪ ♪ I'VE GOT TO KNOW ♪ 1476 00:53:19,730 --> 00:53:22,342 ♪ MAKE UP YOUR MIND ♪ ♪ I'VE GOT TO KNOW ♪ ♪ SHOULD I HANG UP 1477 00:53:22,366 --> 00:53:26,580 ♪ I'VE GOT TO KNOW ♪ ♪ SHOULD I HANG UP OR WILL YOU TELL HIM... 1478 00:53:26,604 --> 00:53:32,052 ♪ SHOULD I HANG UP OR WILL YOU TELL HIM... HE'LL HAVE TO GO? ♪ 1479 00:53:32,076 --> 00:53:36,756 OR WILL YOU TELL HIM... HE'LL HAVE TO GO? ♪ ♪ YOU CAN'T SAY THE WORDS I WANT 1480 00:53:36,780 --> 00:53:39,793 HE'LL HAVE TO GO? ♪ ♪ YOU CAN'T SAY THE WORDS I WANT TO HEAR WHEN YOU'RE WITH 1481 00:53:39,817 --> 00:53:42,229 ♪ YOU CAN'T SAY THE WORDS I WANT TO HEAR WHEN YOU'RE WITH SOME OTHER MAN ♪ 1482 00:53:42,253 --> 00:53:47,033 TO HEAR WHEN YOU'RE WITH SOME OTHER MAN ♪ ♪ DO YOU WANT TO ANSWER YES OR 1483 00:53:47,057 --> 00:53:47,568 SOME OTHER MAN ♪ ♪ DO YOU WANT TO ANSWER YES OR NO? ♪ 1484 00:53:47,592 --> 00:53:54,675 ♪ DO YOU WANT TO ANSWER YES OR NO? ♪ ♪ DARLING, I WILL UNDERSTAND ♪ 1485 00:53:54,699 --> 00:53:57,244 NO? ♪ ♪ DARLING, I WILL UNDERSTAND ♪ ♪ PUT YOUR SWEET LIPS 1486 00:53:57,268 --> 00:54:04,818 ♪ DARLING, I WILL UNDERSTAND ♪ ♪ PUT YOUR SWEET LIPS A LITTLE CLOSER TO THE PHONE ♪ 1487 00:54:04,842 --> 00:54:07,887 ♪ PUT YOUR SWEET LIPS A LITTLE CLOSER TO THE PHONE ♪ ♪ LET'S PRETEND THAT WE'RE 1488 00:54:07,911 --> 00:54:14,228 A LITTLE CLOSER TO THE PHONE ♪ ♪ LET'S PRETEND THAT WE'RE TOGETHER ALL ALONE ♪ 1489 00:54:14,252 --> 00:54:17,431 ♪ LET'S PRETEND THAT WE'RE TOGETHER ALL ALONE ♪ ♪ I'LL TELL THE MAN TO TURN 1490 00:54:17,455 --> 00:54:23,837 TOGETHER ALL ALONE ♪ ♪ I'LL TELL THE MAN TO TURN THE JUKEBOX WAY DOWN LOW ♪ 1491 00:54:23,861 --> 00:54:27,274 ♪ I'LL TELL THE MAN TO TURN THE JUKEBOX WAY DOWN LOW ♪ ♪ AND YOU CAN TELL YOUR FRIEND 1492 00:54:27,298 --> 00:54:31,378 THE JUKEBOX WAY DOWN LOW ♪ ♪ AND YOU CAN TELL YOUR FRIEND THERE WITH YOU... 1493 00:54:31,402 --> 00:54:34,336 ♪ AND YOU CAN TELL YOUR FRIEND THERE WITH YOU... HE'LL HAVE TO GO ♪ 1494 00:55:12,575 --> 00:55:20,575 ♪ YOU CAN SAY THE WORDS I WANT TO HEAR WHEN YOU'RE WITH SOME OTHER MAN ♪ 1495 00:55:22,453 --> 00:55:26,866 TO HEAR WHEN YOU'RE WITH SOME OTHER MAN ♪ ♪ DO YOU WANT TO ANSWER YES 1496 00:55:26,890 --> 00:55:28,001 SOME OTHER MAN ♪ ♪ DO YOU WANT TO ANSWER YES OR NO? ♪ 1497 00:55:28,025 --> 00:55:34,808 ♪ DO YOU WANT TO ANSWER YES OR NO? ♪ ♪ DARLING, I WILL UNDERSTAND ♪ 1498 00:55:34,832 --> 00:55:37,711 OR NO? ♪ ♪ DARLING, I WILL UNDERSTAND ♪ ♪ PUT YOUR SWEET LIPS 1499 00:55:37,735 --> 00:55:44,318 ♪ DARLING, I WILL UNDERSTAND ♪ ♪ PUT YOUR SWEET LIPS A LITTLE CLOSER TO THE PHONE ♪ 1500 00:55:44,342 --> 00:55:47,788 ♪ PUT YOUR SWEET LIPS A LITTLE CLOSER TO THE PHONE ♪ ♪ LET'S PRETEND THAT WE'RE 1501 00:55:47,812 --> 00:55:54,027 A LITTLE CLOSER TO THE PHONE ♪ ♪ LET'S PRETEND THAT WE'RE TOGETHER AND ALL ALONE ♪ 1502 00:55:54,051 --> 00:55:57,263 ♪ LET'S PRETEND THAT WE'RE TOGETHER AND ALL ALONE ♪ ♪ I'LL TELL THE MAN TO TURN 1503 00:55:57,287 --> 00:56:03,637 TOGETHER AND ALL ALONE ♪ ♪ I'LL TELL THE MAN TO TURN THE JUKEBOX WAY DOWN LOW ♪ 1504 00:56:03,661 --> 00:56:07,040 ♪ I'LL TELL THE MAN TO TURN THE JUKEBOX WAY DOWN LOW ♪ ♪ AND YOU CAN TELL YOUR FRIEND 1505 00:56:07,064 --> 00:56:11,144 THE JUKEBOX WAY DOWN LOW ♪ ♪ AND YOU CAN TELL YOUR FRIEND THERE WITH YOU... 1506 00:56:11,168 --> 00:56:14,102 ♪ AND YOU CAN TELL YOUR FRIEND THERE WITH YOU... HE'LL HAVE TO GO ♪ 1507 00:56:26,015 --> 00:56:28,517 [APPLAUSE] 1508 00:56:51,808 --> 00:56:56,456 GOOD EVENING. I'M MIKE O'DONOGHUE, OR MR. MIKE AS MY FRIENDS LIKE TO CALL ME. 1509 00:56:56,480 --> 00:56:58,024 I'M MIKE O'DONOGHUE, OR MR. MIKE AS MY FRIENDS LIKE TO CALL ME. AND TONIGHT'S LEAST-LOVED 1510 00:56:58,048 --> 00:56:59,559 AS MY FRIENDS LIKE TO CALL ME. AND TONIGHT'S LEAST-LOVED BEDTIME TALE IS ENTITLED 1511 00:56:59,583 --> 00:57:02,362 AND TONIGHT'S LEAST-LOVED BEDTIME TALE IS ENTITLED "THE BLIND CHICKEN." 1512 00:57:02,386 --> 00:57:04,431 BEDTIME TALE IS ENTITLED "THE BLIND CHICKEN." THERE ONCE LIVED ON THE EDGE OF 1513 00:57:04,455 --> 00:57:06,400 "THE BLIND CHICKEN." THERE ONCE LIVED ON THE EDGE OF AN ALLIGATOR-INFESTED LAGOON A 1514 00:57:06,424 --> 00:57:07,501 THERE ONCE LIVED ON THE EDGE OF AN ALLIGATOR-INFESTED LAGOON A BLIND CHICKEN. 1515 00:57:07,525 --> 00:57:09,969 AN ALLIGATOR-INFESTED LAGOON A BLIND CHICKEN. HE WAS VERY HAPPY, OR ABOUT AS 1516 00:57:09,993 --> 00:57:12,506 BLIND CHICKEN. HE WAS VERY HAPPY, OR ABOUT AS HAPPY AS YOU CAN BE IF YOU'RE A 1517 00:57:12,530 --> 00:57:13,840 HE WAS VERY HAPPY, OR ABOUT AS HAPPY AS YOU CAN BE IF YOU'RE A BLIND CHICKEN. 1518 00:57:13,864 --> 00:57:15,909 HAPPY AS YOU CAN BE IF YOU'RE A BLIND CHICKEN. ONE DAY THERE WAS A KNOCK ON THE 1519 00:57:15,933 --> 00:57:17,110 BLIND CHICKEN. ONE DAY THERE WAS A KNOCK ON THE DOOR OF HIS COOP. 1520 00:57:17,134 --> 00:57:18,512 ONE DAY THERE WAS A KNOCK ON THE DOOR OF HIS COOP. KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK. 1521 00:57:18,536 --> 00:57:19,746 DOOR OF HIS COOP. KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK. "WHO IS IT?" ASKED THE CHICKEN. 1522 00:57:19,770 --> 00:57:21,314 KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK. "WHO IS IT?" ASKED THE CHICKEN. "I'M A... A... OH, WHAT DO YOU 1523 00:57:21,338 --> 00:57:22,348 "WHO IS IT?" ASKED THE CHICKEN. "I'M A... A... OH, WHAT DO YOU CALL THOSE THINGS? 1524 00:57:22,372 --> 00:57:24,017 "I'M A... A... OH, WHAT DO YOU CALL THOSE THINGS? THEY'RE YELLOW AND THEY HAVE THE 1525 00:57:24,041 --> 00:57:24,751 CALL THOSE THINGS? THEY'RE YELLOW AND THEY HAVE THE WEBBED FEET. 1526 00:57:24,775 --> 00:57:26,420 THEY'RE YELLOW AND THEY HAVE THE WEBBED FEET. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. 1527 00:57:26,444 --> 00:57:27,754 WEBBED FEET. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. THEY'RE ALWAYS SPLASHING AROUND 1528 00:57:27,778 --> 00:57:29,122 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. THEY'RE ALWAYS SPLASHING AROUND IN THE WATER, AND THEY GO QUACK 1529 00:57:29,146 --> 00:57:29,823 THEY'RE ALWAYS SPLASHING AROUND IN THE WATER, AND THEY GO QUACK OR SOMETHING." 1530 00:57:29,847 --> 00:57:31,758 IN THE WATER, AND THEY GO QUACK OR SOMETHING." "A DUCK?" SUGGESTED THE CHICKEN. 1531 00:57:31,782 --> 00:57:33,727 OR SOMETHING." "A DUCK?" SUGGESTED THE CHICKEN. "UH, YEAH, THAT'S IT," THE VOICE 1532 00:57:33,751 --> 00:57:34,461 "A DUCK?" SUGGESTED THE CHICKEN. "UH, YEAH, THAT'S IT," THE VOICE ANSWERED. 1533 00:57:34,485 --> 00:57:35,395 "UH, YEAH, THAT'S IT," THE VOICE ANSWERED. "I'M A DUCK." 1534 00:57:35,419 --> 00:57:36,763 ANSWERED. "I'M A DUCK." "OH, COME RIGHT IN, MR. DUCK," 1535 00:57:36,787 --> 00:57:38,164 "I'M A DUCK." "OH, COME RIGHT IN, MR. DUCK," SAID THE CHICKEN, UNLOCKING THE 1536 00:57:38,188 --> 00:57:38,565 "OH, COME RIGHT IN, MR. DUCK," SAID THE CHICKEN, UNLOCKING THE DOOR. 1537 00:57:38,589 --> 00:57:39,933 SAID THE CHICKEN, UNLOCKING THE DOOR. "YOU KNOW, FOR A SECOND THERE, 1538 00:57:39,957 --> 00:57:41,367 DOOR. "YOU KNOW, FOR A SECOND THERE, I WAS AFRAID YOU MIGHT BE ONE OF 1539 00:57:41,391 --> 00:57:42,669 "YOU KNOW, FOR A SECOND THERE, I WAS AFRAID YOU MIGHT BE ONE OF THOSE ALLIGATORS THAT INFEST 1540 00:57:42,693 --> 00:57:44,504 I WAS AFRAID YOU MIGHT BE ONE OF THOSE ALLIGATORS THAT INFEST THE... AAH! 1541 00:57:44,528 --> 00:57:47,641 THOSE ALLIGATORS THAT INFEST THE... AAH! OHH! OHH!" 1542 00:57:47,665 --> 00:57:48,875 THE... AAH! OHH! OHH!" AND THE ALLIGATOR ATE THE 1543 00:57:48,899 --> 00:57:50,811 OHH! OHH!" AND THE ALLIGATOR ATE THE CHICKEN. 1544 00:57:50,835 --> 00:57:52,245 AND THE ALLIGATOR ATE THE CHICKEN. UH, THAT'S ABOUT IT EXCEPT 1545 00:57:52,269 --> 00:57:53,847 CHICKEN. UH, THAT'S ABOUT IT EXCEPT THREE, FOUR MONTHS LATER, THE 1546 00:57:53,871 --> 00:57:55,582 UH, THAT'S ABOUT IT EXCEPT THREE, FOUR MONTHS LATER, THE ALLIGATOR WAS SUNNING HIMSELF ON 1547 00:57:55,606 --> 00:57:57,317 THREE, FOUR MONTHS LATER, THE ALLIGATOR WAS SUNNING HIMSELF ON THE HIGHWAY, AND HE WAS RUN OVER 1548 00:57:57,341 --> 00:57:59,820 ALLIGATOR WAS SUNNING HIMSELF ON THE HIGHWAY, AND HE WAS RUN OVER BY A BUS, A BIG GREYHOUND 1549 00:57:59,844 --> 00:58:00,921 THE HIGHWAY, AND HE WAS RUN OVER BY A BUS, A BIG GREYHOUND SCENE-A-CRUISER. 1550 00:58:00,945 --> 00:58:02,422 BY A BUS, A BIG GREYHOUND SCENE-A-CRUISER. NO, WAIT, I'M SORRY, I WAS JUST 1551 00:58:02,446 --> 00:58:02,956 SCENE-A-CRUISER. NO, WAIT, I'M SORRY, I WAS JUST KIDDING. 1552 00:58:02,980 --> 00:58:04,390 NO, WAIT, I'M SORRY, I WAS JUST KIDDING. WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED WAS THE 1553 00:58:04,414 --> 00:58:05,725 KIDDING. WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED WAS THE ALLIGATOR WAS IN THE FOREST 1554 00:58:05,749 --> 00:58:07,260 WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED WAS THE ALLIGATOR WAS IN THE FOREST SUNNING HIMSELF ON A LOG WHEN HE 1555 00:58:07,284 --> 00:58:08,662 ALLIGATOR WAS IN THE FOREST SUNNING HIMSELF ON A LOG WHEN HE WAS RUN OVER BY A HOVERCRAFT. 1556 00:58:08,686 --> 00:58:12,499 SUNNING HIMSELF ON A LOG WHEN HE WAS RUN OVER BY A HOVERCRAFT. IN ANY CASE, HE WAS JUST MASHED. 1557 00:58:12,523 --> 00:58:15,602 WAS RUN OVER BY A HOVERCRAFT. IN ANY CASE, HE WAS JUST MASHED. THE END. 1558 00:58:15,626 --> 00:58:17,203 IN ANY CASE, HE WAS JUST MASHED. THE END. IN CLOSING, I WOULD LIKE TO 1559 00:58:17,227 --> 00:58:18,839 THE END. IN CLOSING, I WOULD LIKE TO LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT 1560 00:58:18,863 --> 00:58:19,639 IN CLOSING, I WOULD LIKE TO LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT ABOUT LOVE. 1561 00:58:19,663 --> 00:58:21,374 LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT ABOUT LOVE. LOVE IS A DEATH CAMP IN A 1562 00:58:21,398 --> 00:58:22,141 ABOUT LOVE. LOVE IS A DEATH CAMP IN A COSTUME. 1563 00:58:22,165 --> 00:58:24,310 LOVE IS A DEATH CAMP IN A COSTUME. GOOD NIGHT. 1564 00:58:24,334 --> 00:58:26,301 COSTUME. GOOD NIGHT. [APPLAUSE] 1565 00:58:38,748 --> 00:58:43,930 NBC HAS ASKED THAT WE TAKE PART IN A SURVEY, AND THERE ARE TWO RESEARCH SCIENTISTS HERE FOR 1566 00:58:43,954 --> 00:58:45,799 PART IN A SURVEY, AND THERE ARE TWO RESEARCH SCIENTISTS HERE FOR THAT, SO WILL YOU PLEASE WELCOME 1567 00:58:45,823 --> 00:58:47,166 TWO RESEARCH SCIENTISTS HERE FOR THAT, SO WILL YOU PLEASE WELCOME DOCTORS FRANKEN AND DAVIS, IS 1568 00:58:47,190 --> 00:58:48,167 THAT, SO WILL YOU PLEASE WELCOME DOCTORS FRANKEN AND DAVIS, IS IT? 1569 00:58:48,191 --> 00:58:53,206 DOCTORS FRANKEN AND DAVIS, IS IT? YES, THANK YOU. 1570 00:58:53,230 --> 00:58:53,974 IT? YES, THANK YOU. THANK YOU. 1571 00:58:53,998 --> 00:58:55,441 YES, THANK YOU. THANK YOU. GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND 1572 00:58:55,465 --> 00:58:56,209 THANK YOU. GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. 1573 00:58:56,233 --> 00:58:57,844 GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. I'M DR. THOMAS JAMES DAVIS. 1574 00:58:57,868 --> 00:58:59,312 GENTLEMEN. I'M DR. THOMAS JAMES DAVIS. THIS IS MY... THIS IS MY 1575 00:58:59,336 --> 00:59:01,114 I'M DR. THOMAS JAMES DAVIS. THIS IS MY... THIS IS MY ASSOCIATE, DR. ALAN S. FRANKEN. 1576 00:59:01,138 --> 00:59:02,616 THIS IS MY... THIS IS MY ASSOCIATE, DR. ALAN S. FRANKEN. WE'RE FROM JOHNS HOPKINS 1577 00:59:02,640 --> 00:59:03,984 ASSOCIATE, DR. ALAN S. FRANKEN. WE'RE FROM JOHNS HOPKINS DEPARTMENT OF SEMANTIC 1578 00:59:04,008 --> 00:59:04,784 WE'RE FROM JOHNS HOPKINS DEPARTMENT OF SEMANTIC PSYCHOLOGY. 1579 00:59:04,808 --> 00:59:06,553 DEPARTMENT OF SEMANTIC PSYCHOLOGY. NOT, OF COURSE, TO BE CONFUSED 1580 00:59:06,577 --> 00:59:08,354 PSYCHOLOGY. NOT, OF COURSE, TO BE CONFUSED WITH SEMITIC PSYCHOLOGY, WHICH 1581 00:59:08,378 --> 00:59:10,223 NOT, OF COURSE, TO BE CONFUSED WITH SEMITIC PSYCHOLOGY, WHICH IS A DIFFERENT STORY ALTOGETHER. 1582 00:59:10,247 --> 00:59:11,424 WITH SEMITIC PSYCHOLOGY, WHICH IS A DIFFERENT STORY ALTOGETHER. [LAUGHS] 1583 00:59:11,448 --> 00:59:12,692 IS A DIFFERENT STORY ALTOGETHER. [LAUGHS] THANK YOU. 1584 00:59:12,716 --> 00:59:14,027 [LAUGHS] THANK YOU. THANK YOU. 1585 00:59:14,051 --> 00:59:16,429 THANK YOU. THANK YOU. WE ARE CONDUCTING A SURVEY FOR 1586 00:59:16,453 --> 00:59:18,798 THANK YOU. WE ARE CONDUCTING A SURVEY FOR NBC STUDYING THE PSYCHODYNAMIC 1587 00:59:18,822 --> 00:59:21,334 WE ARE CONDUCTING A SURVEY FOR NBC STUDYING THE PSYCHODYNAMIC RELATIONSHIP OF WORDS AND HUMOR. 1588 00:59:21,358 --> 00:59:23,803 NBC STUDYING THE PSYCHODYNAMIC RELATIONSHIP OF WORDS AND HUMOR. WHY, FOR EXAMPLE, DOES THE WORD 1589 00:59:23,827 --> 00:59:26,039 RELATIONSHIP OF WORDS AND HUMOR. WHY, FOR EXAMPLE, DOES THE WORD "POTATO" NEVER FAIL TO GET A 1590 00:59:26,063 --> 00:59:26,806 WHY, FOR EXAMPLE, DOES THE WORD "POTATO" NEVER FAIL TO GET A LAUGH? 1591 00:59:26,830 --> 00:59:29,042 "POTATO" NEVER FAIL TO GET A LAUGH? [CHUCKLES] 1592 00:59:29,066 --> 00:59:30,343 LAUGH? [CHUCKLES] THANK YOU. 1593 00:59:30,367 --> 00:59:32,178 [CHUCKLES] THANK YOU. SO... THANK YOU. 1594 00:59:32,202 --> 00:59:33,914 THANK YOU. SO... THANK YOU. SO, WE HAVE CHOSEN... WE ARE 1595 00:59:33,938 --> 00:59:35,649 SO... THANK YOU. SO, WE HAVE CHOSEN... WE ARE GOING TO USE THIS TECHNIQUE, 1596 00:59:35,673 --> 00:59:37,617 SO, WE HAVE CHOSEN... WE ARE GOING TO USE THIS TECHNIQUE, THEN, TO MEASURE YOUR AUDIENCE 1597 00:59:37,641 --> 00:59:39,452 GOING TO USE THIS TECHNIQUE, THEN, TO MEASURE YOUR AUDIENCE LAUGH RESPONSE TONIGHT TO FIVE 1598 00:59:39,476 --> 00:59:41,354 THEN, TO MEASURE YOUR AUDIENCE LAUGH RESPONSE TONIGHT TO FIVE WORDS WHICH WE'VE SELECTED FROM 1599 00:59:41,378 --> 00:59:42,923 LAUGH RESPONSE TONIGHT TO FIVE WORDS WHICH WE'VE SELECTED FROM THE DICTIONARY AT RANDOM. 1600 00:59:42,947 --> 00:59:44,524 WORDS WHICH WE'VE SELECTED FROM THE DICTIONARY AT RANDOM. NOW, TO DO THIS, WE HAVE THE 1601 00:59:44,548 --> 00:59:46,359 THE DICTIONARY AT RANDOM. NOW, TO DO THIS, WE HAVE THE LATEST IN EQUIPMENT DEVELOPED IN 1602 00:59:46,383 --> 00:59:48,061 NOW, TO DO THIS, WE HAVE THE LATEST IN EQUIPMENT DEVELOPED IN THIS FIELD BY MY ASSOCIATE AND 1603 00:59:48,085 --> 00:59:48,662 LATEST IN EQUIPMENT DEVELOPED IN THIS FIELD BY MY ASSOCIATE AND MYSELF. 1604 00:59:48,686 --> 00:59:50,229 THIS FIELD BY MY ASSOCIATE AND MYSELF. WE WILL BE WORKING WITH THE 1605 00:59:50,253 --> 00:59:51,497 MYSELF. WE WILL BE WORKING WITH THE LAUGH-O-GRAPH AND THE 1606 00:59:51,521 --> 00:59:53,166 WE WILL BE WORKING WITH THE LAUGH-O-GRAPH AND THE TEE-HEE-OMETER, WHICH WE HAVE 1607 00:59:53,190 --> 00:59:55,401 LAUGH-O-GRAPH AND THE TEE-HEE-OMETER, WHICH WE HAVE SYNTHESIZED. 1608 00:59:55,425 --> 00:59:57,837 TEE-HEE-OMETER, WHICH WE HAVE SYNTHESIZED. SOMETIMES WHEN WE'RE JUST 1609 00:59:57,861 --> 01:00:00,406 SYNTHESIZED. SOMETIMES WHEN WE'RE JUST JOKING AROUND THE LAB, WE CALL 1610 01:00:00,430 --> 01:00:04,578 SOMETIMES WHEN WE'RE JUST JOKING AROUND THE LAB, WE CALL IT THE HARDY-HAR-DIOGRAPH. 1611 01:00:04,602 --> 01:00:06,279 JOKING AROUND THE LAB, WE CALL IT THE HARDY-HAR-DIOGRAPH. TRUE STORY! 1612 01:00:06,303 --> 01:00:08,949 IT THE HARDY-HAR-DIOGRAPH. TRUE STORY! TRUE STORY! 1613 01:00:08,973 --> 01:00:10,984 TRUE STORY! TRUE STORY! GETS A LITTLE ZANY SOMETIMES IN 1614 01:00:11,008 --> 01:00:11,718 TRUE STORY! GETS A LITTLE ZANY SOMETIMES IN THE LAB. 1615 01:00:11,742 --> 01:00:13,286 GETS A LITTLE ZANY SOMETIMES IN THE LAB. AT ANY RATE, USING THIS 1616 01:00:13,310 --> 01:00:15,121 THE LAB. AT ANY RATE, USING THIS EQUIPMENT, WE'LL BE ABLE TO 1617 01:00:15,145 --> 01:00:16,756 AT ANY RATE, USING THIS EQUIPMENT, WE'LL BE ABLE TO IMMEDIATELY COMPUTE YOUR 1618 01:00:16,780 --> 01:00:18,391 EQUIPMENT, WE'LL BE ABLE TO IMMEDIATELY COMPUTE YOUR AUDIENCE LAUGH RESPONSE. 1619 01:00:18,415 --> 01:00:20,126 IMMEDIATELY COMPUTE YOUR AUDIENCE LAUGH RESPONSE. SO IF YOU'RE ALL READY NOW, AS I 1620 01:00:20,150 --> 01:00:21,494 AUDIENCE LAUGH RESPONSE. SO IF YOU'RE ALL READY NOW, AS I KNOW I AM, I'LL HAND THE 1621 01:00:21,518 --> 01:00:23,196 SO IF YOU'RE ALL READY NOW, AS I KNOW I AM, I'LL HAND THE OFFICIAL SURVEY INSTRUCTIONS TO 1622 01:00:23,220 --> 01:00:24,064 KNOW I AM, I'LL HAND THE OFFICIAL SURVEY INSTRUCTIONS TO MY ASSOCIATE. 1623 01:00:24,088 --> 01:00:25,665 OFFICIAL SURVEY INSTRUCTIONS TO MY ASSOCIATE. HE'LL BREAK THE SEAL AND READ 1624 01:00:25,689 --> 01:00:26,499 MY ASSOCIATE. HE'LL BREAK THE SEAL AND READ THE INSTRUCTIONS. 1625 01:00:26,523 --> 01:00:27,934 HE'LL BREAK THE SEAL AND READ THE INSTRUCTIONS. WE'LL BE ABLE TO BEGIN TONIGHT'S 1626 01:00:27,958 --> 01:00:28,401 THE INSTRUCTIONS. WE'LL BE ABLE TO BEGIN TONIGHT'S SURVEY. 1627 01:00:28,425 --> 01:00:29,736 WE'LL BE ABLE TO BEGIN TONIGHT'S SURVEY. SO I'LL HAND THE FLOOR OVER TO 1628 01:00:29,760 --> 01:00:30,937 SURVEY. SO I'LL HAND THE FLOOR OVER TO MY ASSOCIATE, DR. FRANKEN. 1629 01:00:30,961 --> 01:00:32,305 SO I'LL HAND THE FLOOR OVER TO MY ASSOCIATE, DR. FRANKEN. THANK YOU, DR. DAVIS. 1630 01:00:32,329 --> 01:00:34,007 MY ASSOCIATE, DR. FRANKEN. THANK YOU, DR. DAVIS. YOU'RE WELCOME, DR. FRANKEN. 1631 01:00:34,031 --> 01:00:35,341 THANK YOU, DR. DAVIS. YOU'RE WELCOME, DR. FRANKEN. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 1632 01:00:35,365 --> 01:00:36,275 YOU'RE WELCOME, DR. FRANKEN. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. JUST START. 1633 01:00:36,299 --> 01:00:37,043 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. JUST START. JUST START. 1634 01:00:37,067 --> 01:00:39,112 JUST START. JUST START. JUST START. 1635 01:00:39,136 --> 01:00:40,714 JUST START. JUST START. THE OFFICIAL AUDIENCE 1636 01:00:40,738 --> 01:00:42,582 JUST START. THE OFFICIAL AUDIENCE INSTRUCTIONS. 1637 01:00:42,606 --> 01:00:44,550 THE OFFICIAL AUDIENCE INSTRUCTIONS. TRY TO AVOID UNNECESSARY 1638 01:00:44,574 --> 01:00:48,287 INSTRUCTIONS. TRY TO AVOID UNNECESSARY ASSOCIATIONS WITH SEXUALITY, 1639 01:00:48,311 --> 01:00:54,116 TRY TO AVOID UNNECESSARY ASSOCIATIONS WITH SEXUALITY, BESTIALITY, ANALITY, THE... 1640 01:01:00,056 --> 01:01:08,056 F-FEMALE MAMMARY GLANDS. OR THE... FALLOPIAN TUBES. 1641 01:01:17,675 --> 01:01:19,986 OR THE... FALLOPIAN TUBES. TRY TO KEEP YOUR MINDS AS BLANK 1642 01:01:20,010 --> 01:01:21,121 FALLOPIAN TUBES. TRY TO KEEP YOUR MINDS AS BLANK AS POSSIBLE. 1643 01:01:21,145 --> 01:01:23,523 TRY TO KEEP YOUR MINDS AS BLANK AS POSSIBLE. IT MAY BE HELPFUL TO THINK ABOUT 1644 01:01:23,547 --> 01:01:26,993 AS POSSIBLE. IT MAY BE HELPFUL TO THINK ABOUT TV BOWLING. 1645 01:01:27,017 --> 01:01:29,195 IT MAY BE HELPFUL TO THINK ABOUT TV BOWLING. READY? 1646 01:01:29,219 --> 01:01:31,330 TV BOWLING. READY? WORD NUMBER ONE. 1647 01:01:31,354 --> 01:01:33,232 READY? WORD NUMBER ONE. WAZOO. 1648 01:01:33,256 --> 01:01:35,190 WORD NUMBER ONE. WAZOO. [LIGHT CHUCKLING] 1649 01:01:40,429 --> 01:01:47,981 WORD NUMBER TWO. VASELINE. [LIGHT LAUGHTER] 1650 01:01:48,005 --> 01:01:51,051 VASELINE. [LIGHT LAUGHTER] WORD NUMBER THREE. 1651 01:01:51,075 --> 01:01:52,941 [LIGHT LAUGHTER] WORD NUMBER THREE. SAND. 1652 01:01:58,647 --> 01:02:00,682 WORD NUMBER FOUR. 1653 01:02:08,157 --> 01:02:11,860 F-FINGER. [LAUGHTER] 1654 01:02:17,934 --> 01:02:23,083 FINALLY, WORD NUMBER FIVE. PUBIC. [LAUGHTER] 1655 01:02:23,107 --> 01:02:24,450 PUBIC. [LAUGHTER] PUBLIC. 1656 01:02:24,474 --> 01:02:28,822 [LAUGHTER] PUBLIC. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] 1657 01:02:28,846 --> 01:02:30,256 PUBLIC. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU VERY 1658 01:02:30,280 --> 01:02:31,791 [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOR 1659 01:02:31,815 --> 01:02:33,193 ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOR YOUR VERY KIND COOPERATION. 1660 01:02:33,217 --> 01:02:34,694 MUCH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOR YOUR VERY KIND COOPERATION. NOW IF THE EQUIPMENT HAS BEEN 1661 01:02:34,718 --> 01:02:36,196 YOUR VERY KIND COOPERATION. NOW IF THE EQUIPMENT HAS BEEN OPERATING PROPERLY, WE SHOULD 1662 01:02:36,220 --> 01:02:37,697 NOW IF THE EQUIPMENT HAS BEEN OPERATING PROPERLY, WE SHOULD HAVE THE RESULTS TO TONIGHT'S 1663 01:02:37,721 --> 01:02:39,232 OPERATING PROPERLY, WE SHOULD HAVE THE RESULTS TO TONIGHT'S SURVEY, SO I'LL HAND THE FLOOR 1664 01:02:39,256 --> 01:02:40,734 HAVE THE RESULTS TO TONIGHT'S SURVEY, SO I'LL HAND THE FLOOR TO MY ASSOCIATE, DR. FRANKEN, 1665 01:02:40,758 --> 01:02:42,202 SURVEY, SO I'LL HAND THE FLOOR TO MY ASSOCIATE, DR. FRANKEN, FOR THE RESULTS OF TONIGHT'S 1666 01:02:42,226 --> 01:02:42,736 TO MY ASSOCIATE, DR. FRANKEN, FOR THE RESULTS OF TONIGHT'S SURVEY. 1667 01:02:42,760 --> 01:02:43,502 FOR THE RESULTS OF TONIGHT'S SURVEY. DR. FRANKEN. 1668 01:02:43,526 --> 01:02:44,470 SURVEY. DR. FRANKEN. THERE WE GO. 1669 01:02:44,494 --> 01:02:45,371 DR. FRANKEN. THERE WE GO. [CLEARS THROAT] 1670 01:02:45,395 --> 01:02:47,207 THERE WE GO. [CLEARS THROAT] THE OFFICIAL... THANK YOU, BY 1671 01:02:47,231 --> 01:02:48,507 [CLEARS THROAT] THE OFFICIAL... THANK YOU, BY THE WAY, DR. DAVIS. 1672 01:02:48,531 --> 01:02:51,611 THE OFFICIAL... THANK YOU, BY THE WAY, DR. DAVIS. YOU'RE WELCOME, DR. FRANKEN! 1673 01:02:51,635 --> 01:02:52,779 THE WAY, DR. DAVIS. YOU'RE WELCOME, DR. FRANKEN! THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 1674 01:02:52,803 --> 01:02:54,413 YOU'RE WELCOME, DR. FRANKEN! THANK YOU VERY MUCH. OKAY, OKAY. 1675 01:02:54,437 --> 01:02:57,784 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. OKAY, OKAY. THE OFFICIAL AUDIENCE RESULTS. 1676 01:02:57,808 --> 01:02:59,619 OKAY, OKAY. THE OFFICIAL AUDIENCE RESULTS. THIS AUDIENCE RANKS IN THE 1677 01:02:59,643 --> 01:03:02,822 THE OFFICIAL AUDIENCE RESULTS. THIS AUDIENCE RANKS IN THE LOWEST PERCENTILE IN THE NATION 1678 01:03:02,846 --> 01:03:04,624 THIS AUDIENCE RANKS IN THE LOWEST PERCENTILE IN THE NATION IN TERMS OF MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL 1679 01:03:04,648 --> 01:03:06,760 LOWEST PERCENTILE IN THE NATION IN TERMS OF MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL STABILITY... 1680 01:03:06,784 --> 01:03:09,495 IN TERMS OF MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL STABILITY... BUT IN THE UPPER PERCENTILE HERE 1681 01:03:09,519 --> 01:03:11,397 STABILITY... BUT IN THE UPPER PERCENTILE HERE IN NEW YORK. 1682 01:03:11,421 --> 01:03:13,233 BUT IN THE UPPER PERCENTILE HERE IN NEW YORK. [LAUGHTER] 1683 01:03:13,257 --> 01:03:16,302 IN NEW YORK. [LAUGHTER] LADIES AND GENTLEMEN... 1684 01:03:16,326 --> 01:03:17,771 [LAUGHTER] LADIES AND GENTLEMEN... WE ARE NOT ACTUALLY RESEARCH 1685 01:03:17,795 --> 01:03:18,471 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN... WE ARE NOT ACTUALLY RESEARCH SCIENTISTS. 1686 01:03:18,495 --> 01:03:19,672 WE ARE NOT ACTUALLY RESEARCH SCIENTISTS. ALLOW US TO REMOVE OUR 1687 01:03:19,696 --> 01:03:20,339 SCIENTISTS. ALLOW US TO REMOVE OUR DISGUISES. 1688 01:03:20,363 --> 01:03:21,975 ALLOW US TO REMOVE OUR DISGUISES. WE'RE THE COMEDY TEAM OF FRANKEN 1689 01:03:21,999 --> 01:03:22,642 DISGUISES. WE'RE THE COMEDY TEAM OF FRANKEN AND DAVIS. 1690 01:03:22,666 --> 01:03:24,110 WE'RE THE COMEDY TEAM OF FRANKEN AND DAVIS. THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT. 1691 01:03:24,134 --> 01:03:26,501 AND DAVIS. THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT. [APPLAUSE] 1692 01:03:45,321 --> 01:03:49,702 SAY, THIS IS ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS THAT YOU DREAM ABOUT OR HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT, BECAUSE 1693 01:03:49,726 --> 01:03:51,337 MOMENTS THAT YOU DREAM ABOUT OR HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT, BECAUSE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WAY OVER, 1694 01:03:51,361 --> 01:03:52,939 HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT, BECAUSE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WAY OVER, BUT WE HAVE ABOUT A MINUTE AND A 1695 01:03:52,963 --> 01:03:55,074 WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WAY OVER, BUT WE HAVE ABOUT A MINUTE AND A HALF TO KILL HERE. 1696 01:03:55,098 --> 01:03:56,776 BUT WE HAVE ABOUT A MINUTE AND A HALF TO KILL HERE. THIS IS A TRADITIONAL PART OF 1697 01:03:56,800 --> 01:03:58,411 HALF TO KILL HERE. THIS IS A TRADITIONAL PART OF THE SHOW WHERE THE HOST SAYS 1698 01:03:58,435 --> 01:04:00,180 THIS IS A TRADITIONAL PART OF THE SHOW WHERE THE HOST SAYS WHAT A WONDERFUL TIME HE'S HAD. 1699 01:04:00,204 --> 01:04:01,848 THE SHOW WHERE THE HOST SAYS WHAT A WONDERFUL TIME HE'S HAD. SO I'D SAY THAT VERY SLOWLY, 1700 01:04:01,872 --> 01:04:03,616 WHAT A WONDERFUL TIME HE'S HAD. SO I'D SAY THAT VERY SLOWLY, WHICH WOULD KILL THE TIME, OR I 1701 01:04:03,640 --> 01:04:05,318 SO I'D SAY THAT VERY SLOWLY, WHICH WOULD KILL THE TIME, OR I COULD TELL THE TRUTH AND TELL 1702 01:04:05,342 --> 01:04:07,120 WHICH WOULD KILL THE TIME, OR I COULD TELL THE TRUTH AND TELL YOU WHAT A ROTTEN TIME I'VE HAD 1703 01:04:07,144 --> 01:04:08,288 COULD TELL THE TRUTH AND TELL YOU WHAT A ROTTEN TIME I'VE HAD PLAYING THE PART OF 1704 01:04:08,312 --> 01:04:09,889 YOU WHAT A ROTTEN TIME I'VE HAD PLAYING THE PART OF ELLIOTT GOULD HERE TONIGHT. 1705 01:04:09,913 --> 01:04:11,457 PLAYING THE PART OF ELLIOTT GOULD HERE TONIGHT. BUT THAT ISN'T TRUE EITHER. 1706 01:04:11,481 --> 01:04:13,259 ELLIOTT GOULD HERE TONIGHT. BUT THAT ISN'T TRUE EITHER. THE FACT IS, THIS IS ONE OF THE 1707 01:04:13,283 --> 01:04:14,961 BUT THAT ISN'T TRUE EITHER. THE FACT IS, THIS IS ONE OF THE WITTIEST GROUPS OF PEOPLE I'VE 1708 01:04:14,985 --> 01:04:16,062 THE FACT IS, THIS IS ONE OF THE WITTIEST GROUPS OF PEOPLE I'VE EVER WORKED WITH. 1709 01:04:16,086 --> 01:04:19,232 WITTIEST GROUPS OF PEOPLE I'VE EVER WORKED WITH. WATCH THEM SAY... 1710 01:04:19,256 --> 01:04:23,602 EVER WORKED WITH. WATCH THEM SAY... [APPLAUSE] 1711 01:04:23,626 --> 01:04:27,307 WATCH THEM SAY... [APPLAUSE] THAT'S, UH... 1712 01:04:27,331 --> 01:04:28,274 [APPLAUSE] THAT'S, UH... NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. 1713 01:04:28,298 --> 01:04:29,508 THAT'S, UH... NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. THAT ISN'T HELPING BECAUSE WE 1714 01:04:29,532 --> 01:04:30,476 NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. THAT ISN'T HELPING BECAUSE WE STILL HAVE SOME TIME. 1715 01:04:30,500 --> 01:04:31,744 THAT ISN'T HELPING BECAUSE WE STILL HAVE SOME TIME. I'VE GOT SOME STUFF LEFT OVER 1716 01:04:31,768 --> 01:04:33,012 STILL HAVE SOME TIME. I'VE GOT SOME STUFF LEFT OVER FROM "THE BIG EVENT," I DIDN'T 1717 01:04:33,036 --> 01:04:33,646 I'VE GOT SOME STUFF LEFT OVER FROM "THE BIG EVENT," I DIDN'T GET ON WITH. 1718 01:04:33,670 --> 01:04:34,714 FROM "THE BIG EVENT," I DIDN'T GET ON WITH. "THE CHICKEN." 1719 01:04:34,738 --> 01:04:37,050 GET ON WITH. "THE CHICKEN." AND I DO SOME MORE HAND SHADOWS. 1720 01:04:37,074 --> 01:04:38,651 "THE CHICKEN." AND I DO SOME MORE HAND SHADOWS. LET'S SEE WHAT ELSE. 1721 01:04:38,675 --> 01:04:39,853 AND I DO SOME MORE HAND SHADOWS. LET'S SEE WHAT ELSE. SAY SOMETHING. 1722 01:04:39,877 --> 01:04:41,654 LET'S SEE WHAT ELSE. SAY SOMETHING. SO I GUESS WE'RE ABOUT OUT OF 1723 01:04:41,678 --> 01:04:42,188 SAY SOMETHING. SO I GUESS WE'RE ABOUT OUT OF TIME. 1724 01:04:42,212 --> 01:04:43,556 SO I GUESS WE'RE ABOUT OUT OF TIME. THANK YOU. BLESS YOU. 1725 01:04:43,580 --> 01:04:45,424 TIME. THANK YOU. BLESS YOU. AND IF YOU'RE DRIVING, WHY THE 1726 01:04:45,448 --> 01:04:46,826 THANK YOU. BLESS YOU. AND IF YOU'RE DRIVING, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU WATCHING 1727 01:04:46,850 --> 01:04:47,660 AND IF YOU'RE DRIVING, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU WATCHING TELEVISION? 1728 01:04:47,684 --> 01:04:48,995 HELL ARE YOU WATCHING TELEVISION? I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING 1729 01:04:49,019 --> 01:04:49,829 TELEVISION? I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. 1730 01:04:49,853 --> 01:04:50,663 I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. ARE WE OUT YET? 1731 01:04:50,687 --> 01:04:51,497 ABOUT. ARE WE OUT YET? IS IT OVER? 1732 01:04:51,521 --> 01:04:54,155 ARE WE OUT YET? IS IT OVER? [BAND PLAYS] 1733 01:05:18,214 --> 01:05:19,747 Announcer: NEXT SATURDAY 1734 01:05:19,882 --> 01:05:21,182 NIGHT, OUR HOST WILL BE 1735 01:05:21,317 --> 01:05:22,750 PAUL SIMON WITH A SPECIAL 1736 01:05:22,885 --> 01:05:24,152 RECORDED APPEARANCE BY 1737 01:05:24,287 --> 01:05:25,287 GEORGE HARRISON. 1738 01:05:25,388 --> 01:05:26,888 WASN'T HE ONE OF THE BEATLES OR 1739 01:05:27,023 --> 01:05:27,588 SOMETHING? 1740 01:05:27,723 --> 01:05:29,090 I DON'T KNOW, THEY WERE LONG 1741 01:05:29,225 --> 01:05:30,025 BEFORE MY TIME. 1742 01:05:30,159 --> 01:05:31,226 I ONLY GO BACK TO THE 1743 01:05:31,360 --> 01:05:31,993 MODERNAIRES. 1744 01:05:32,128 --> 01:05:36,531 ♪ I'LL NEVER SMILE AGAIN ♪ 1745 01:05:36,665 --> 01:05:39,200 ♪ TILL I SMILE AT YOU ♪ 1746 01:05:39,335 --> 01:05:41,069 THIS IS SMILIN' DON PARDO SAYING 1747 01:05:41,203 --> 01:05:42,404 GOOD NIGHT! 1748 01:05:42,538 --> 01:05:47,375 ♪ I'LL NEVER LAUGH AGAIN ♪ 1749 01:05:47,509 --> 01:05:50,946 ♪ WHAT WOULD WE DO? ♪ 1750 01:05:51,080 --> 01:05:56,418 ♪ I'LL NEVER SMILE AGAIN ♪ 1751 01:05:56,552 --> 01:05:58,453 [HUMMING] 193404

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