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Announcer: AND NOW,
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00:00:02,068 --> 00:00:03,268
GILDA RADNER SPEAKS OUT FOR
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00:00:03,403 --> 00:00:04,636
CHROMA-TRAK.
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00:00:04,770 --> 00:00:06,738
MY HAIR IS RED.
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00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:13,790
MY EYES ARE BLUE.
MY SCARF IS YELLOW.
THE PEOPLE AT CHROMA-TRAK PAID
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00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:16,659
MY SCARF IS YELLOW.
THE PEOPLE AT CHROMA-TRAK PAID
ME A LOT OF MONEY TO TELL YOU
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00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:20,097
THE PEOPLE AT CHROMA-TRAK PAID
ME A LOT OF MONEY TO TELL YOU
THAT MY TOP IS GREEN.
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00:00:20,121 --> 00:00:20,797
ME A LOT OF MONEY TO TELL YOU
THAT MY TOP IS GREEN.
GREEN?
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00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:22,065
THAT MY TOP IS GREEN.
GREEN?
MY BELT IS BLACK.
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00:00:22,089 --> 00:00:23,266
GREEN?
MY BELT IS BLACK.
I'LL BE DOGGONE.
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00:00:23,290 --> 00:00:26,069
MY BELT IS BLACK.
I'LL BE DOGGONE.
MY GLOVES ARE BROWN.
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00:00:26,093 --> 00:00:30,340
I'LL BE DOGGONE.
MY GLOVES ARE BROWN.
I JUST PAID $600 FOR THIS.
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00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:35,012
MY GLOVES ARE BROWN.
I JUST PAID $600 FOR THIS.
[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
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00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:38,148
I JUST PAID $600 FOR THIS.
[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
$600!
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00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:39,938
[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
$600!
$600!
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00:00:45,011 --> 00:00:52,162
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:54,653
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[BAND PLAYS]
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00:00:59,426 --> 00:01:06,631
Announcer: NBC's "SATURDAY
NIGHT."
STARRING...
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00:01:17,843 --> 00:01:19,611
WITH SPECIAL GUEST...
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00:01:28,654 --> 00:01:32,124
AND THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
PLAYERS...
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LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
DICK CAVETT!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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THANK YOU, THANK YOU, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN.
SAY, IT'S NICE OF YOU TO BE
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00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:22,752
AND GENTLEMEN.
SAY, IT'S NICE OF YOU TO BE
HERE, AND IT'S NICE OF ME TO BE
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00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:23,286
SAY, IT'S NICE OF YOU TO BE
HERE, AND IT'S NICE OF ME TO BE
HERE.
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00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:24,988
HERE, AND IT'S NICE OF ME TO BE
HERE.
YOU MAY WONDER WHAT I MEAN BY
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00:02:25,012 --> 00:02:26,523
HERE.
YOU MAY WONDER WHAT I MEAN BY
THAT, BUT THE FACT IS THE
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00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:27,724
YOU MAY WONDER WHAT I MEAN BY
THAT, BUT THE FACT IS THE
PRODUCER CALLED ME,
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00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:29,426
THAT, BUT THE FACT IS THE
PRODUCER CALLED ME,
MR. MICHAELS, QUITE AGITATED.
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00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:30,860
PRODUCER CALLED ME,
MR. MICHAELS, QUITE AGITATED.
IF YOU READ TV GUIDE, DON'T
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00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:32,529
MR. MICHAELS, QUITE AGITATED.
IF YOU READ TV GUIDE, DON'T
COMPLAIN TO THEM BECAUSE IT SAYS
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00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:34,030
IF YOU READ TV GUIDE, DON'T
COMPLAIN TO THEM BECAUSE IT SAYS
THAT ELLIOTT GOULD IS HOSTING
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00:02:34,054 --> 00:02:34,631
COMPLAIN TO THEM BECAUSE IT SAYS
THAT ELLIOTT GOULD IS HOSTING
TONIGHT.
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00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:35,965
THAT ELLIOTT GOULD IS HOSTING
TONIGHT.
ELLIOTT WAS GOING TO HOST
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00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,567
TONIGHT.
ELLIOTT WAS GOING TO HOST
TONIGHT, BUT THEY CALLED ME AND
35
00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:38,868
ELLIOTT WAS GOING TO HOST
TONIGHT, BUT THEY CALLED ME AND
SAID, "CAN YOU COME IN?"
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00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:40,270
TONIGHT, BUT THEY CALLED ME AND
SAID, "CAN YOU COME IN?"
THIS WAS NOT TO BE MY WEEK,
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00:02:40,294 --> 00:02:42,005
SAID, "CAN YOU COME IN?"
THIS WAS NOT TO BE MY WEEK,
BECAUSE ELLIOTT ACTUALLY...
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00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:43,940
THIS WAS NOT TO BE MY WEEK,
BECAUSE ELLIOTT ACTUALLY...
EVERYTHING WAS READY TO GO, AND
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00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:45,842
BECAUSE ELLIOTT ACTUALLY...
EVERYTHING WAS READY TO GO, AND
HIS DOCTOR ADVISED HIM THAT HE
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00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:47,644
EVERYTHING WAS READY TO GO, AND
HIS DOCTOR ADVISED HIM THAT HE
COULD MAKE A GREAT DEAL MORE
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00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,646
HIS DOCTOR ADVISED HIM THAT HE
COULD MAKE A GREAT DEAL MORE
MONEY ON THE "OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN
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00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:51,648
COULD MAKE A GREAT DEAL MORE
MONEY ON THE "OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN
SPECIAL."
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00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,583
MONEY ON THE "OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN
SPECIAL."
SO HE ISN'T HERE, BUT I REALLY
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00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:55,452
SPECIAL."
SO HE ISN'T HERE, BUT I REALLY
DID LEAP INTO THE BREACH, AND
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00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:57,454
SO HE ISN'T HERE, BUT I REALLY
DID LEAP INTO THE BREACH, AND
THANK YOU FOR... AND TO ELLIOTT
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00:02:57,478 --> 00:02:59,356
DID LEAP INTO THE BREACH, AND
THANK YOU FOR... AND TO ELLIOTT
FANS, I'LL DO THE BEST I CAN.
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00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:00,757
THANK YOU FOR... AND TO ELLIOTT
FANS, I'LL DO THE BEST I CAN.
WE HAD THESE CARDS HANDED OUT
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00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:02,192
FANS, I'LL DO THE BEST I CAN.
WE HAD THESE CARDS HANDED OUT
BECAUSE I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO
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00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:03,726
WE HAD THESE CARDS HANDED OUT
BECAUSE I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO
KNOW WHAT THE AUDIENCE THINKS IN
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00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:05,061
BECAUSE I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO
KNOW WHAT THE AUDIENCE THINKS IN
THIS... COMES TO THIS SHOW.
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00:03:05,085 --> 00:03:06,329
KNOW WHAT THE AUDIENCE THINKS IN
THIS... COMES TO THIS SHOW.
AND ALSO, I THOUGHT HAVING A
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00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:07,730
THIS... COMES TO THIS SHOW.
AND ALSO, I THOUGHT HAVING A
CARD THAT SAY "I WOULD LIKE TO
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00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:09,065
AND ALSO, I THOUGHT HAVING A
CARD THAT SAY "I WOULD LIKE TO
ASK DICK CAVETT THE FOLLOWING
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00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:10,367
CARD THAT SAY "I WOULD LIKE TO
ASK DICK CAVETT THE FOLLOWING
QUESTION" WOULD MAKE IT QUITE
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00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:11,734
ASK DICK CAVETT THE FOLLOWING
QUESTION" WOULD MAKE IT QUITE
CLEAR WHO THE HOST IS TONIGHT.
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00:03:11,758 --> 00:03:14,037
QUESTION" WOULD MAKE IT QUITE
CLEAR WHO THE HOST IS TONIGHT.
SO, I'LL JUST RUN THROUGH THESE.
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00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:15,639
CLEAR WHO THE HOST IS TONIGHT.
SO, I'LL JUST RUN THROUGH THESE.
"HOW DID IT FEEL BEING MARRIED
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00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:19,909
SO, I'LL JUST RUN THROUGH THESE.
"HOW DID IT FEEL BEING MARRIED
TO BARBRA STREISAND?"
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00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:21,311
"HOW DID IT FEEL BEING MARRIED
TO BARBRA STREISAND?"
"HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THERAPY?
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00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:22,245
TO BARBRA STREISAND?"
"HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THERAPY?
WE'RE AVAILABLE FOR
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00:03:22,269 --> 00:03:22,945
"HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THERAPY?
WE'RE AVAILABLE FOR
CONSULTATION.
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00:03:22,969 --> 00:03:23,880
WE'RE AVAILABLE FOR
CONSULTATION.
MARTY STEINBERG AND
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00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:24,814
CONSULTATION.
MARTY STEINBERG AND
DEBBIE LAMBERTI..."
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00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:26,015
MARTY STEINBERG AND
DEBBIE LAMBERTI..."
ARE YOU HERE?
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00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:27,016
DEBBIE LAMBERTI..."
ARE YOU HERE?
OH, YEAH?
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00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,851
ARE YOU HERE?
OH, YEAH?
LEAVE A PICTURE OF YOUR COUCH,
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00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:29,619
OH, YEAH?
LEAVE A PICTURE OF YOUR COUCH,
WOULD YOU?
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00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:31,454
LEAVE A PICTURE OF YOUR COUCH,
WOULD YOU?
"DO YOU ENJOY LIVE AUDIENCES?"
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00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:33,290
WOULD YOU?
"DO YOU ENJOY LIVE AUDIENCES?"
YES, IN FACT, WE'RE THINKING OF
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00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:36,293
"DO YOU ENJOY LIVE AUDIENCES?"
YES, IN FACT, WE'RE THINKING OF
BRINGING ONE IN HERE.
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00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:37,794
YES, IN FACT, WE'RE THINKING OF
BRINGING ONE IN HERE.
OH, I'M SORRY, I THINK YOU'RE
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00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:38,595
BRINGING ONE IN HERE.
OH, I'M SORRY, I THINK YOU'RE
GONNA BE OKAY.
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00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:40,230
OH, I'M SORRY, I THINK YOU'RE
GONNA BE OKAY.
"WE KNOW YOUR WIFE IS A BROADWAY
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00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:40,797
GONNA BE OKAY.
"WE KNOW YOUR WIFE IS A BROADWAY
ACTRESS.
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00:03:40,821 --> 00:03:42,399
"WE KNOW YOUR WIFE IS A BROADWAY
ACTRESS.
YOU NEVER TALK ABOUT HER ON TV."
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00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:43,733
ACTRESS.
YOU NEVER TALK ABOUT HER ON TV."
I DON'T SEE WHY I SHOULD.
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00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:45,168
YOU NEVER TALK ABOUT HER ON TV."
I DON'T SEE WHY I SHOULD.
SHE NEVER MENTIONS ME IN HER
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00:03:45,192 --> 00:03:48,605
I DON'T SEE WHY I SHOULD.
SHE NEVER MENTIONS ME IN HER
PLAYS.
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00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:49,606
SHE NEVER MENTIONS ME IN HER
PLAYS.
OH, THERE'S MORE.
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00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:51,241
PLAYS.
OH, THERE'S MORE.
"HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE MARRIED
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00:03:51,265 --> 00:03:52,742
OH, THERE'S MORE.
"HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE MARRIED
TO A BEAUTIFUL BLONDE DISH?"
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00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:55,612
"HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE MARRIED
TO A BEAUTIFUL BLONDE DISH?"
YOU'D HAVE TO ASK HER.
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00:03:55,636 --> 00:03:57,647
TO A BEAUTIFUL BLONDE DISH?"
YOU'D HAVE TO ASK HER.
[AUDIENCE GROANS]
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00:03:57,671 --> 00:03:58,682
YOU'D HAVE TO ASK HER.
[AUDIENCE GROANS]
"FIRST YOU APPEAR ON
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00:03:58,706 --> 00:04:00,149
[AUDIENCE GROANS]
"FIRST YOU APPEAR ON
'THE BIG EVENT' AND NOW THIS.
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00:04:00,173 --> 00:04:01,484
"FIRST YOU APPEAR ON
'THE BIG EVENT' AND NOW THIS.
DON'T YOU HAVE ANY TASTE?"
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00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:03,653
'THE BIG EVENT' AND NOW THIS.
DON'T YOU HAVE ANY TASTE?"
[LAUGHTER]
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00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:04,954
DON'T YOU HAVE ANY TASTE?"
[LAUGHTER]
LISTEN, A LOT OF SHOWS, IT'S
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00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:06,022
[LAUGHTER]
LISTEN, A LOT OF SHOWS, IT'S
BETTER TO BE ON THEM.
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00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:07,357
LISTEN, A LOT OF SHOWS, IT'S
BETTER TO BE ON THEM.
THEY HAVE TO WATCH THEM, AND
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00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:08,491
BETTER TO BE ON THEM.
THEY HAVE TO WATCH THEM, AND
IT'S A BIG ADVANTAGE.
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00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:09,959
THEY HAVE TO WATCH THEM, AND
IT'S A BIG ADVANTAGE.
THIS SHOW'S FUN 'CAUSE YOU GET A
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00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:11,228
IT'S A BIG ADVANTAGE.
THIS SHOW'S FUN 'CAUSE YOU GET A
LOT OF EXERCISE, YOU GET NO
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00:04:11,252 --> 00:04:12,596
THIS SHOW'S FUN 'CAUSE YOU GET A
LOT OF EXERCISE, YOU GET NO
REHEARSAL, YOU RUN FROM SET TO
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00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:13,930
LOT OF EXERCISE, YOU GET NO
REHEARSAL, YOU RUN FROM SET TO
SET, AND THE NEXT DAY YOU GET
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00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:15,232
REHEARSAL, YOU RUN FROM SET TO
SET, AND THE NEXT DAY YOU GET
EXERCISE 'CAUSE PEOPLE THROW
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00:04:15,256 --> 00:04:16,533
SET, AND THE NEXT DAY YOU GET
EXERCISE 'CAUSE PEOPLE THROW
THINGS AT YOU ON THE STREET.
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00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:17,734
EXERCISE 'CAUSE PEOPLE THROW
THINGS AT YOU ON THE STREET.
THIS IS A FUN SHOW TO DO.
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00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:18,801
THINGS AT YOU ON THE STREET.
THIS IS A FUN SHOW TO DO.
"HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE SO
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00:04:18,825 --> 00:04:20,903
THIS IS A FUN SHOW TO DO.
"HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE SO
SHORT...
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00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:23,773
"HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE SO
SHORT...
IN A WORLD OF MENTAL G-A-I..."
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00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:24,974
SHORT...
IN A WORLD OF MENTAL G-A-I..."
YOU PROBABLY MEANT "GIANTS,"
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00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:28,578
IN A WORLD OF MENTAL G-A-I..."
YOU PROBABLY MEANT "GIANTS,"
DID YOU?
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00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,480
YOU PROBABLY MEANT "GIANTS,"
DID YOU?
"I DON'T LIKE TO COME TO YOUR
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00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:31,514
DID YOU?
"I DON'T LIKE TO COME TO YOUR
TOWN ANYMORE.
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00:04:31,538 --> 00:04:33,416
"I DON'T LIKE TO COME TO YOUR
TOWN ANYMORE.
WHAT MAKES NEW YORK SO CRUMMY
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00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:34,384
TOWN ANYMORE.
WHAT MAKES NEW YORK SO CRUMMY
THESE DAYS?"
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00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:36,919
WHAT MAKES NEW YORK SO CRUMMY
THESE DAYS?"
UH, TOURISTS.
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00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:43,025
THESE DAYS?"
UH, TOURISTS.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
110
00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:46,129
UH, TOURISTS.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, I MUST REMEMBER THAT.
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00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:47,497
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, I MUST REMEMBER THAT.
THIS SAYS, "WOULD YOU PATRONIZE
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00:04:47,521 --> 00:04:48,298
THANK YOU, I MUST REMEMBER THAT.
THIS SAYS, "WOULD YOU PATRONIZE
A STREETWALKER?"
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00:04:48,322 --> 00:04:49,532
THIS SAYS, "WOULD YOU PATRONIZE
A STREETWALKER?"
NO, I WOULD TREAT HER AS AN
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00:04:49,556 --> 00:04:53,637
A STREETWALKER?"
NO, I WOULD TREAT HER AS AN
EQUAL.
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00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:55,171
NO, I WOULD TREAT HER AS AN
EQUAL.
I DON'T KNOW... THERE'S A THEME
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00:04:55,195 --> 00:04:56,306
EQUAL.
I DON'T KNOW... THERE'S A THEME
RUNNING THROUGH THESE.
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00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:57,540
I DON'T KNOW... THERE'S A THEME
RUNNING THROUGH THESE.
"HAVE YOU EVER COMMITTED
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00:04:57,564 --> 00:04:58,708
RUNNING THROUGH THESE.
"HAVE YOU EVER COMMITTED
ADULTERY IN YOUR MIND?"
119
00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:02,945
"HAVE YOU EVER COMMITTED
ADULTERY IN YOUR MIND?"
UM, NOT IN MY MIND.
120
00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:05,248
ADULTERY IN YOUR MIND?"
UM, NOT IN MY MIND.
IT'S FAR TOO CROWDED THERE.
121
00:05:05,272 --> 00:05:07,016
UM, NOT IN MY MIND.
IT'S FAR TOO CROWDED THERE.
"WHO DO YOU THINK HAS THE MOST
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00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:08,518
IT'S FAR TOO CROWDED THERE.
"WHO DO YOU THINK HAS THE MOST
CHARISMA BETWEEN FORD AND
123
00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:09,185
"WHO DO YOU THINK HAS THE MOST
CHARISMA BETWEEN FORD AND
CARTER?"
124
00:05:09,209 --> 00:05:10,953
CHARISMA BETWEEN FORD AND
CARTER?"
ACTUALLY, ANYBODY BETWEEN FORD
125
00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:12,822
CARTER?"
ACTUALLY, ANYBODY BETWEEN FORD
AND CARTER...
126
00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:15,124
ACTUALLY, ANYBODY BETWEEN FORD
AND CARTER...
WOULD APPEAR TO HAVE CHARISMA.
127
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:16,993
AND CARTER...
WOULD APPEAR TO HAVE CHARISMA.
[APPLAUSE]
128
00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:18,395
WOULD APPEAR TO HAVE CHARISMA.
[APPLAUSE]
"I HEAR YOU WERE IN A
129
00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:19,829
[APPLAUSE]
"I HEAR YOU WERE IN A
COMMERCIAL... WHICH?"
130
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:21,230
"I HEAR YOU WERE IN A
COMMERCIAL... WHICH?"
I ASSUMED EVERYBODY KNEW THIS.
131
00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:23,466
COMMERCIAL... WHICH?"
I ASSUMED EVERYBODY KNEW THIS.
I'M THE PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY.
132
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,335
I ASSUMED EVERYBODY KNEW THIS.
I'M THE PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY.
"IS THERE ANY COMMERCIAL YOU
133
00:05:25,359 --> 00:05:26,369
I'M THE PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY.
"IS THERE ANY COMMERCIAL YOU
WOULDN'T DO?"
134
00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:28,338
"IS THERE ANY COMMERCIAL YOU
WOULDN'T DO?"
I WOULD NOT BE THAT GUY IN THE
135
00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:30,106
WOULDN'T DO?"
I WOULD NOT BE THAT GUY IN THE
TOILET IN THE LITTLE BOAT.
136
00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:31,541
I WOULD NOT BE THAT GUY IN THE
TOILET IN THE LITTLE BOAT.
HE'S NOT THE ONLY PERSON IN
137
00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:33,209
TOILET IN THE LITTLE BOAT.
HE'S NOT THE ONLY PERSON IN
TELEVISION WHOSE CAREER'S IN THE
138
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:34,877
HE'S NOT THE ONLY PERSON IN
TELEVISION WHOSE CAREER'S IN THE
TOILET, BUT HE'S MAKING MONEY ON
139
00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:35,244
TELEVISION WHOSE CAREER'S IN THE
TOILET, BUT HE'S MAKING MONEY ON
IT.
140
00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:37,113
TOILET, BUT HE'S MAKING MONEY ON
IT.
"WITH WHAT FRATERNITY WERE YOU
141
00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:38,448
IT.
"WITH WHAT FRATERNITY WERE YOU
AFFILIATED AT YALE?"
142
00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:39,549
"WITH WHAT FRATERNITY WERE YOU
AFFILIATED AT YALE?"
I WASN'T IN ONE.
143
00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:41,518
AFFILIATED AT YALE?"
I WASN'T IN ONE.
I JUST DON'T LIKE THE IDEA OF...
144
00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:43,486
I WASN'T IN ONE.
I JUST DON'T LIKE THE IDEA OF...
I COULDN'T AFFORD IT, IS WHAT IT
145
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:43,953
I JUST DON'T LIKE THE IDEA OF...
I COULDN'T AFFORD IT, IS WHAT IT
WAS.
146
00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:45,822
I COULDN'T AFFORD IT, IS WHAT IT
WAS.
BUT MY ROOMMATES AND I HAD THE
147
00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:47,691
WAS.
BUT MY ROOMMATES AND I HAD THE
SAME FUN AS IF WE WERE IN ONE.
148
00:05:47,715 --> 00:05:49,158
BUT MY ROOMMATES AND I HAD THE
SAME FUN AS IF WE WERE IN ONE.
WE, YOU KNOW, WOULD GET NUDE AND
149
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,560
SAME FUN AS IF WE WERE IN ONE.
WE, YOU KNOW, WOULD GET NUDE AND
DRINK BEER AND THROW UP ON EACH
150
00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:53,530
WE, YOU KNOW, WOULD GET NUDE AND
DRINK BEER AND THROW UP ON EACH
OTHER.
151
00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:55,498
DRINK BEER AND THROW UP ON EACH
OTHER.
[APPLAUSE]
152
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:56,999
OTHER.
[APPLAUSE]
"DO YOU BELIEVE IN DéJà VE OR
153
00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:57,367
[APPLAUSE]
"DO YOU BELIEVE IN DéJà VE OR
VU?
154
00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:58,901
"DO YOU BELIEVE IN DéJà VE OR
VU?
IF YOU DO, WAS THERE ANYTHING
155
00:05:58,925 --> 00:06:00,370
VU?
IF YOU DO, WAS THERE ANYTHING
THAT'S HAPPENED IN YOUR PAST
156
00:06:00,394 --> 00:06:01,738
IF YOU DO, WAS THERE ANYTHING
THAT'S HAPPENED IN YOUR PAST
THAT'S RECURRED RECENTLY?"
157
00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:02,872
THAT'S HAPPENED IN YOUR PAST
THAT'S RECURRED RECENTLY?"
NO, I WISH THERE WERE.
158
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:04,441
THAT'S RECURRED RECENTLY?"
NO, I WISH THERE WERE.
"DO YOU BELIEVE IN DéJà VE OR
159
00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,175
NO, I WISH THERE WERE.
"DO YOU BELIEVE IN DéJà VE OR
VU..."
160
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:08,077
"DO YOU BELIEVE IN DéJà VE OR
VU..."
[LAUGHTER]
161
00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:10,112
VU..."
[LAUGHTER]
LADY SAYS, "PLEASE TAKE YOUR
162
00:06:10,136 --> 00:06:11,314
[LAUGHTER]
LADY SAYS, "PLEASE TAKE YOUR
SHIRT OFF. CATHY."
163
00:06:11,338 --> 00:06:12,915
LADY SAYS, "PLEASE TAKE YOUR
SHIRT OFF. CATHY."
I'LL MAKE A DEAL WITH YOU,
164
00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:13,516
SHIRT OFF. CATHY."
I'LL MAKE A DEAL WITH YOU,
CATHY.
165
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:15,218
I'LL MAKE A DEAL WITH YOU,
CATHY.
"YOU'VE HAD BARBARA WALTERS.
166
00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:17,119
CATHY.
"YOU'VE HAD BARBARA WALTERS.
IS SHE WORTH $5 MILLION?"
167
00:06:17,143 --> 00:06:19,522
"YOU'VE HAD BARBARA WALTERS.
IS SHE WORTH $5 MILLION?"
[LAUGHTER]
168
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:21,257
IS SHE WORTH $5 MILLION?"
[LAUGHTER]
SHALL I SKIP ON DOWN HERE?
169
00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:21,825
[LAUGHTER]
SHALL I SKIP ON DOWN HERE?
OKAY.
170
00:06:21,849 --> 00:06:23,292
SHALL I SKIP ON DOWN HERE?
OKAY.
I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS.
171
00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:25,228
OKAY.
I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS.
IN ALL THE TIME I'VE BEEN ASKED
172
00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:27,096
I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS.
IN ALL THE TIME I'VE BEEN ASKED
QUESTIONS... "ARE YOU HUNG IN
173
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:28,832
IN ALL THE TIME I'VE BEEN ASKED
QUESTIONS... "ARE YOU HUNG IN
PROPORTION TO YOUR HEIGHT?"
174
00:06:28,856 --> 00:06:31,496
QUESTIONS... "ARE YOU HUNG IN
PROPORTION TO YOUR HEIGHT?"
[LAUGHTER]
175
00:06:37,029 --> 00:06:41,043
YOU WANT TO SEE IF IT'S ON
THERE?
THE RATIO IS 5 TO 1, BUT I'M NOT
176
00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:42,512
THERE?
THE RATIO IS 5 TO 1, BUT I'M NOT
SAYING WHICH WAY.
177
00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:45,448
THE RATIO IS 5 TO 1, BUT I'M NOT
SAYING WHICH WAY.
IT'S RIDICULOUS.
178
00:06:45,472 --> 00:06:46,850
SAYING WHICH WAY.
IT'S RIDICULOUS.
"HOW DO YOU GET A DATE WITH
179
00:06:46,874 --> 00:06:47,751
IT'S RIDICULOUS.
"HOW DO YOU GET A DATE WITH
ROBERT REDFORD?"
180
00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:49,318
"HOW DO YOU GET A DATE WITH
ROBERT REDFORD?"
I USUALLY DRESS SEXY AND HINT A
181
00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:49,686
ROBERT REDFORD?"
I USUALLY DRESS SEXY AND HINT A
LOT.
182
00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:50,854
I USUALLY DRESS SEXY AND HINT A
LOT.
SAY, YOU'RE WONDERFUL.
183
00:06:50,878 --> 00:06:52,355
LOT.
SAY, YOU'RE WONDERFUL.
LET'S DO THIS ALL AGAIN, SHALL
184
00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:52,689
SAY, YOU'RE WONDERFUL.
LET'S DO THIS ALL AGAIN, SHALL
WE?
185
00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:54,156
LET'S DO THIS ALL AGAIN, SHALL
WE?
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS
186
00:06:54,180 --> 00:06:54,724
WE?
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS
MESSAGE.
187
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:56,726
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS
MESSAGE.
STAY WHERE YOU ARE.
188
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,750
MESSAGE.
STAY WHERE YOU ARE.
[APPLAUSE]
189
00:07:03,956 --> 00:07:08,872
"CANINE."
DOUBLE-WORD SCORE, 21 POINTS.
GOOD.
190
00:07:08,896 --> 00:07:10,273
DOUBLE-WORD SCORE, 21 POINTS.
GOOD.
CANINE.
191
00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:12,475
GOOD.
CANINE.
GEE, SPARKY SEEMS SO DULL AND
192
00:07:12,499 --> 00:07:13,810
CANINE.
GEE, SPARKY SEEMS SO DULL AND
LISTLESS LATELY.
193
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:15,378
GEE, SPARKY SEEMS SO DULL AND
LISTLESS LATELY.
I WONDER IF ANYTHING'S WRONG
194
00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:16,045
LISTLESS LATELY.
I WONDER IF ANYTHING'S WRONG
WITH HIM.
195
00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:17,647
I WONDER IF ANYTHING'S WRONG
WITH HIM.
MY DOG, SKIPPY, USED TO BE
196
00:07:17,671 --> 00:07:19,215
WITH HIM.
MY DOG, SKIPPY, USED TO BE
LIKE THAT UNTIL I FOUND OUT
197
00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:21,316
MY DOG, SKIPPY, USED TO BE
LIKE THAT UNTIL I FOUND OUT
ABOUT PUPPY UPPERS.
198
00:07:21,340 --> 00:07:23,107
PUPPY UPPERS PEP UP YOUR POOCH.
199
00:07:23,242 --> 00:07:24,776
PLUS, THEY HELP CONTROL HIS
200
00:07:24,911 --> 00:07:25,410
WEIGHT.
201
00:07:25,545 --> 00:07:27,446
PUPPY UPPERS.
202
00:07:27,580 --> 00:07:28,747
MIND IF I TRY ONE?
203
00:07:28,881 --> 00:07:30,248
GO RIGHT AHEAD.
204
00:07:30,516 --> 00:07:37,099
MMM.
SPARKY.
[BARKS]
205
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:38,034
SPARKY.
[BARKS]
"BONE."
206
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:39,502
[BARKS]
"BONE."
TRIPLE-WORD SCORE.
207
00:07:39,526 --> 00:07:40,904
"BONE."
TRIPLE-WORD SCORE.
THAT'S 25 POINTS.
208
00:07:40,928 --> 00:07:42,038
TRIPLE-WORD SCORE.
THAT'S 25 POINTS.
VERY GOOD.
209
00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:43,105
THAT'S 25 POINTS.
VERY GOOD.
[BARKING]
210
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:44,974
VERY GOOD.
[BARKING]
OKAY. OKAY, SPARKY!
211
00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:46,976
[BARKING]
OKAY. OKAY, SPARKY!
HERE'S YOUR PUPPY UPPER.
212
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:50,647
OKAY. OKAY, SPARKY!
HERE'S YOUR PUPPY UPPER.
[WHIMPERING]
213
00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:52,615
HERE'S YOUR PUPPY UPPER.
[WHIMPERING]
MAYBE IT'S ME, JILL, BUT I
214
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:54,383
[WHIMPERING]
MAYBE IT'S ME, JILL, BUT I
THINK SPARKY'S PERKED UP A
215
00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:55,585
MAYBE IT'S ME, JILL, BUT I
THINK SPARKY'S PERKED UP A
LITTLE TOO MUCH.
216
00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:57,820
THINK SPARKY'S PERKED UP A
LITTLE TOO MUCH.
NO ARGUMENT THERE, JOY.
217
00:07:57,844 --> 00:07:59,010
YOU KNOW, WHEN MY SKIPPY GETS
218
00:07:59,144 --> 00:08:00,879
A LITTLE TOO FRISKY, I GIVE HIM
219
00:08:01,013 --> 00:08:03,715
THESE... DOGGIE DOWNERS.
220
00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:05,617
"DOGGIE DOWNERS.
221
00:08:05,751 --> 00:08:07,552
MELLOWS OUT YOUR MUTT."
222
00:08:07,687 --> 00:08:09,020
MIND IF I TRY ONE?
223
00:08:09,154 --> 00:08:10,789
GO RIGHT AHEAD.
224
00:08:10,923 --> 00:08:12,824
HMM.
225
00:08:12,959 --> 00:08:16,260
[WHIMPERS]
226
00:08:16,395 --> 00:08:18,463
[THUD]
227
00:08:18,598 --> 00:08:21,065
THAT'S PUPPY UPPERS FOR WHEN
228
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:23,001
YOUR DOG IS LIKE THIS.
229
00:08:23,135 --> 00:08:25,336
AND DOGGIE DOWNERS FOR WHEN
230
00:08:25,471 --> 00:08:27,606
YOUR DOG IS LIKE THIS.
231
00:08:27,740 --> 00:08:30,976
FROM HOUND-DOZE.
232
00:08:31,110 --> 00:08:33,111
[APPLAUSE]
233
00:08:43,155 --> 00:08:47,003
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
ORDER.
[GAVEL BANGS]
234
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:47,937
ORDER.
[GAVEL BANGS]
ORDER.
235
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:50,072
[GAVEL BANGS]
ORDER.
SO, UH, MR. DEAN.
236
00:08:50,096 --> 00:08:53,643
ORDER.
SO, UH, MR. DEAN.
WOULD YOU STAND ON A... SWEAR ON
237
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:57,881
SO, UH, MR. DEAN.
WOULD YOU STAND ON A... SWEAR ON
A BI... UM, UM, A BI... A BIBLE?
238
00:08:57,905 --> 00:08:58,781
WOULD YOU STAND ON A... SWEAR ON
A BI... UM, UM, A BI... A BIBLE?
ON THE BIBLE?
239
00:08:58,805 --> 00:09:01,183
A BI... UM, UM, A BI... A BIBLE?
ON THE BIBLE?
A BIBLE, THAT THE PRESIDENT
240
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:03,720
ON THE BIBLE?
A BIBLE, THAT THE PRESIDENT
AUTHORIZED THE USE OF $1 MILLION
241
00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:06,756
A BIBLE, THAT THE PRESIDENT
AUTHORIZED THE USE OF $1 MILLION
IN A HUSH, UM, UM, HUSH...
242
00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:07,957
AUTHORIZED THE USE OF $1 MILLION
IN A HUSH, UM, UM, HUSH...
HUSH MONEY?
243
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:08,791
IN A HUSH, UM, UM, HUSH...
HUSH MONEY?
UM, MONEY?
244
00:09:08,815 --> 00:09:10,026
HUSH MONEY?
UM, MONEY?
HUSH MONEY.
245
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,061
UM, MONEY?
HUSH MONEY.
THAT IS CORRECT, SENATOR, YES.
246
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:14,230
HUSH MONEY.
THAT IS CORRECT, SENATOR, YES.
ARE YOU AWARE OF THE
247
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:15,899
THAT IS CORRECT, SENATOR, YES.
ARE YOU AWARE OF THE
IMPLICATIONS OF WHAT YOU, UM,
248
00:09:15,923 --> 00:09:18,635
ARE YOU AWARE OF THE
IMPLICATIONS OF WHAT YOU, UM,
UM, OF WHAT YOU, UM...
249
00:09:18,659 --> 00:09:20,737
IMPLICATIONS OF WHAT YOU, UM,
UM, OF WHAT YOU, UM...
TESTIFIED, DIVULGED,
250
00:09:20,761 --> 00:09:22,639
UM, OF WHAT YOU, UM...
TESTIFIED, DIVULGED,
ASSERTED, IMPLIED...
251
00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:23,506
TESTIFIED, DIVULGED,
ASSERTED, IMPLIED...
UM...
252
00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:25,008
ASSERTED, IMPLIED...
UM...
SOUNDS LIKE...
253
00:09:25,032 --> 00:09:26,475
UM...
SOUNDS LIKE...
OF WHAT, UM...
254
00:09:26,499 --> 00:09:27,777
SOUNDS LIKE...
OF WHAT, UM...
YOU JUST SAID!
255
00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:29,478
OF WHAT, UM...
YOU JUST SAID!
YES, I AM.
256
00:09:29,502 --> 00:09:30,346
YOU JUST SAID!
YES, I AM.
YES, I AM, SIR.
257
00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:31,915
YES, I AM.
YES, I AM, SIR.
IT MEANS THAT THE PRESIDENT IS
258
00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:33,182
YES, I AM, SIR.
IT MEANS THAT THE PRESIDENT IS
GUILTY OF AN IMPEACHABLE
259
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:34,751
IT MEANS THAT THE PRESIDENT IS
GUILTY OF AN IMPEACHABLE
OFFENSE, AND IT ALSO MEANS THAT
260
00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:36,385
GUILTY OF AN IMPEACHABLE
OFFENSE, AND IT ALSO MEANS THAT
I CAN MAKE A BUNDLE BY WRITING A
261
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:39,489
OFFENSE, AND IT ALSO MEANS THAT
I CAN MAKE A BUNDLE BY WRITING A
BOOK ABOUT IT.
262
00:09:44,516 --> 00:09:49,999
MY DECISION TO TESTIFY BEFORE
THE SENATE SELECT COMMITTEE WAS
MADE ON A FATEFUL DAY IN APRIL
263
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:51,634
THE SENATE SELECT COMMITTEE WAS
MADE ON A FATEFUL DAY IN APRIL
OF 1973.
264
00:09:51,658 --> 00:09:53,269
MADE ON A FATEFUL DAY IN APRIL
OF 1973.
I WAS OUTSIDE THE OVAL OFFICE
265
00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:54,637
OF 1973.
I WAS OUTSIDE THE OVAL OFFICE
WAITING TO TALK WITH THE
266
00:09:54,661 --> 00:09:56,305
I WAS OUTSIDE THE OVAL OFFICE
WAITING TO TALK WITH THE
COMMANDER IN CHIEF, THE LEADER
267
00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:57,406
WAITING TO TALK WITH THE
COMMANDER IN CHIEF, THE LEADER
OF THE FREE WORLD,
268
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,676
COMMANDER IN CHIEF, THE LEADER
OF THE FREE WORLD,
RICHARD M. NIXON.
269
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,477
OF THE FREE WORLD,
RICHARD M. NIXON.
SO, ROSEMARY, AS SOON AS
270
00:10:01,501 --> 00:10:03,345
RICHARD M. NIXON.
SO, ROSEMARY, AS SOON AS
SAMMY LEFT THE ROOM, I SAID,
271
00:10:03,369 --> 00:10:05,081
SO, ROSEMARY, AS SOON AS
SAMMY LEFT THE ROOM, I SAID,
"ALL HE WANTS IS GOOD SEX,
272
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,016
SAMMY LEFT THE ROOM, I SAID,
"ALL HE WANTS IS GOOD SEX,
COMFORTABLE SHOES, AND A WARM
273
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:08,918
"ALL HE WANTS IS GOOD SEX,
COMFORTABLE SHOES, AND A WARM
PLACE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM."
274
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,187
COMFORTABLE SHOES, AND A WARM
PLACE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM."
[BOTH LAUGH]
275
00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:12,655
PLACE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM."
[BOTH LAUGH]
OH, MR. PRESIDENT, YOU
276
00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:14,223
[BOTH LAUGH]
OH, MR. PRESIDENT, YOU
CERTAINLY KNOW HOW TO TELL A
277
00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:14,724
OH, MR. PRESIDENT, YOU
CERTAINLY KNOW HOW TO TELL A
JOKE.
278
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:16,459
CERTAINLY KNOW HOW TO TELL A
JOKE.
YEAH, REMIND ME TO TELL THAT
279
00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:17,326
JOKE.
YEAH, REMIND ME TO TELL THAT
ONE TO BUTZ.
280
00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:18,928
YEAH, REMIND ME TO TELL THAT
ONE TO BUTZ.
HE LOVES A GOOD JOKE NOW AND
281
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:23,600
ONE TO BUTZ.
HE LOVES A GOOD JOKE NOW AND
AGAIN.
282
00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:26,102
HE LOVES A GOOD JOKE NOW AND
AGAIN.
OH, NOW, ABOUT THIS DEAN THING,
283
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,504
AGAIN.
OH, NOW, ABOUT THIS DEAN THING,
SO, WE'RE READY IF HE SINGS TO
284
00:10:28,528 --> 00:10:30,506
OH, NOW, ABOUT THIS DEAN THING,
SO, WE'RE READY IF HE SINGS TO
THAT WOP SIRICA, RIGHT?
285
00:10:30,530 --> 00:10:31,240
SO, WE'RE READY IF HE SINGS TO
THAT WOP SIRICA, RIGHT?
UH, YES.
286
00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:32,575
THAT WOP SIRICA, RIGHT?
UH, YES.
[German accent]
287
00:10:32,599 --> 00:10:33,576
UH, YES.
[German accent]
MR. PRESIDENT.
288
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:34,577
[German accent]
MR. PRESIDENT.
MR. PRESIDENT.
289
00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:35,945
MR. PRESIDENT.
MR. PRESIDENT.
HENRY, YOU CAN'T BARGE IN
290
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:36,779
MR. PRESIDENT.
HENRY, YOU CAN'T BARGE IN
HERE LIKE THIS!
291
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,247
HENRY, YOU CAN'T BARGE IN
HERE LIKE THIS!
BUT, MR. PRESIDENT, THIS IS
292
00:10:38,271 --> 00:10:38,982
HERE LIKE THIS!
BUT, MR. PRESIDENT, THIS IS
AN EMERGENCY.
293
00:10:39,006 --> 00:10:40,483
BUT, MR. PRESIDENT, THIS IS
AN EMERGENCY.
BREZHNEV IS THREATENING TO SEND
294
00:10:40,507 --> 00:10:41,851
AN EMERGENCY.
BREZHNEV IS THREATENING TO SEND
TROOPS INTO THE MIDDLE EAST.
295
00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:42,952
BREZHNEV IS THREATENING TO SEND
TROOPS INTO THE MIDDLE EAST.
WELL, I DON'T CARE.
296
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,053
TROOPS INTO THE MIDDLE EAST.
WELL, I DON'T CARE.
DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.
297
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:45,554
WELL, I DON'T CARE.
DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.
I'VE GOT A MILLION THINGS ON MY
298
00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:45,955
DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.
I'VE GOT A MILLION THINGS ON MY
MIND.
299
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:46,689
I'VE GOT A MILLION THINGS ON MY
MIND.
OH-HO.
300
00:10:46,713 --> 00:10:48,424
MIND.
OH-HO.
MR. PRESIDENT, YOU SHOULDN'T
301
00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:50,359
OH-HO.
MR. PRESIDENT, YOU SHOULDN'T
SPEND SO MUCH TIME ON WATERGATE.
302
00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:52,095
MR. PRESIDENT, YOU SHOULDN'T
SPEND SO MUCH TIME ON WATERGATE.
HENRY, NOT NOW, I'M BUSY,
303
00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:52,729
SPEND SO MUCH TIME ON WATERGATE.
HENRY, NOT NOW, I'M BUSY,
PLEASE!
304
00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:53,997
HENRY, NOT NOW, I'M BUSY,
PLEASE!
OH, YOU'RE BUSY?
305
00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:54,897
PLEASE!
OH, YOU'RE BUSY?
WELL, I QUIT.
306
00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:56,132
OH, YOU'RE BUSY?
WELL, I QUIT.
SEE YOU LATER, PAL.
307
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,333
WELL, I QUIT.
SEE YOU LATER, PAL.
NO! DON'T QUIT!
308
00:10:57,357 --> 00:10:58,801
SEE YOU LATER, PAL.
NO! DON'T QUIT!
I'M BLOWING THIS POP STAND.
309
00:10:58,825 --> 00:10:59,836
NO! DON'T QUIT!
I'M BLOWING THIS POP STAND.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
310
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:00,937
I'M BLOWING THIS POP STAND.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
PLEASE, DON'T QUIT.
311
00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:01,904
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
PLEASE, DON'T QUIT.
I NEED YOU, HENRY.
312
00:11:01,928 --> 00:11:03,472
PLEASE, DON'T QUIT.
I NEED YOU, HENRY.
I'LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT.
313
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:04,573
I NEED YOU, HENRY.
I'LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT.
ANYTHING I WANT?
314
00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:06,009
I'LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT.
ANYTHING I WANT?
YEAH, WHATEVER YOU WANT.
315
00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:07,376
ANYTHING I WANT?
YEAH, WHATEVER YOU WANT.
ANYTHING YOU WANT, HENRY.
316
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,911
YEAH, WHATEVER YOU WANT.
ANYTHING YOU WANT, HENRY.
PLEASE, JUST DON'T QUIT ON ME
317
00:11:08,935 --> 00:11:09,311
ANYTHING YOU WANT, HENRY.
PLEASE, JUST DON'T QUIT ON ME
NOW.
318
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:10,813
PLEASE, JUST DON'T QUIT ON ME
NOW.
HOW 'BOUT A RAISE?
319
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,281
NOW.
HOW 'BOUT A RAISE?
OKAY, YOU GOT IT.
320
00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:13,582
HOW 'BOUT A RAISE?
OKAY, YOU GOT IT.
I GOT A RAISE?
321
00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:15,551
OKAY, YOU GOT IT.
I GOT A RAISE?
UH, I WANT A SILVER STINGRAY.
322
00:11:15,575 --> 00:11:16,853
I GOT A RAISE?
UH, I WANT A SILVER STINGRAY.
NO PROBLEM.
323
00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:19,355
UH, I WANT A SILVER STINGRAY.
NO PROBLEM.
I WANT TO TAKE GIRLS INTO THE
324
00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:20,356
NO PROBLEM.
I WANT TO TAKE GIRLS INTO THE
BLUE ROOM.
325
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,258
I WANT TO TAKE GIRLS INTO THE
BLUE ROOM.
GO RIGHT AHEAD.
326
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:24,160
BLUE ROOM.
GO RIGHT AHEAD.
AND I WANT TO PLAY GOLF IN A
327
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:25,995
GO RIGHT AHEAD.
AND I WANT TO PLAY GOLF IN A
COUNTRY CLUB WHERE THEY DON'T
328
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:29,032
AND I WANT TO PLAY GOLF IN A
COUNTRY CLUB WHERE THEY DON'T
ALLOW JEWS.
329
00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:30,499
COUNTRY CLUB WHERE THEY DON'T
ALLOW JEWS.
GEE, HENRY, THAT MIGHT BE
330
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:30,967
ALLOW JEWS.
GEE, HENRY, THAT MIGHT BE
TOUGH.
331
00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:31,768
GEE, HENRY, THAT MIGHT BE
TOUGH.
I-I DON'T KNOW.
332
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:32,601
TOUGH.
I-I DON'T KNOW.
SORRY, PAL.
333
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:33,803
I-I DON'T KNOW.
SORRY, PAL.
NICE WORKING WITH YOU.
334
00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:34,637
SORRY, PAL.
NICE WORKING WITH YOU.
SEE YOU LATER.
335
00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:35,838
NICE WORKING WITH YOU.
SEE YOU LATER.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!
336
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:37,339
SEE YOU LATER.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!
I'LL PUT YOU IN A FOURSOME WITH
337
00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:38,240
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!
I'LL PUT YOU IN A FOURSOME WITH
BILLY GRAHAM AND
338
00:11:38,264 --> 00:11:39,175
I'LL PUT YOU IN A FOURSOME WITH
BILLY GRAHAM AND
FRANK FITZSIMMONS.
339
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:40,409
BILLY GRAHAM AND
FRANK FITZSIMMONS.
ALL RIGHT, NOW YOU'RE
340
00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:40,943
FRANK FITZSIMMONS.
ALL RIGHT, NOW YOU'RE
TALKING.
341
00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:43,279
ALL RIGHT, NOW YOU'RE
TALKING.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TALK TO, UH...
342
00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:44,346
TALKING.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TALK TO, UH...
HOW 'BOUT THE WIRETAPS?
343
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:45,648
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TALK TO, UH...
HOW 'BOUT THE WIRETAPS?
CAN I WIRETAP ANYBODY I WANT?
344
00:11:45,672 --> 00:11:46,582
HOW 'BOUT THE WIRETAPS?
CAN I WIRETAP ANYBODY I WANT?
ANYBODY YOU WANT.
345
00:11:46,606 --> 00:11:47,249
CAN I WIRETAP ANYBODY I WANT?
ANYBODY YOU WANT.
OH, GOOD.
346
00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:48,651
ANYBODY YOU WANT.
OH, GOOD.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TAKE CARE OF THE
347
00:11:48,675 --> 00:11:49,418
OH, GOOD.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TAKE CARE OF THE
BREZHNEV THING.
348
00:11:49,442 --> 00:11:50,787
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TAKE CARE OF THE
BREZHNEV THING.
I'LL TALK TO HIM, I'LL COOL HIM
349
00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:51,120
BREZHNEV THING.
I'LL TALK TO HIM, I'LL COOL HIM
OFF.
350
00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:52,221
I'LL TALK TO HIM, I'LL COOL HIM
OFF.
GOOD. GOOD. GOOD.
351
00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:53,255
OFF.
GOOD. GOOD. GOOD.
ROSEMARY.
352
00:11:53,279 --> 00:11:55,491
GOOD. GOOD. GOOD.
ROSEMARY.
ROSEMARY, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO
353
00:11:55,515 --> 00:11:56,659
ROSEMARY.
ROSEMARY, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO
TELL YOU THIS.
354
00:11:56,683 --> 00:11:58,761
ROSEMARY, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO
TELL YOU THIS.
BUT FOR A WOMAN YOUR AGE, YOU
355
00:11:58,785 --> 00:12:01,597
TELL YOU THIS.
BUT FOR A WOMAN YOUR AGE, YOU
ARE EXTREMELY UNATTRACTIVE.
356
00:12:01,621 --> 00:12:03,365
BUT FOR A WOMAN YOUR AGE, YOU
ARE EXTREMELY UNATTRACTIVE.
WELL, THAT'S VERY DIPLOMATIC
357
00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:04,701
ARE EXTREMELY UNATTRACTIVE.
WELL, THAT'S VERY DIPLOMATIC
OF YOU, MR. KISSINGER.
358
00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:06,368
WELL, THAT'S VERY DIPLOMATIC
OF YOU, MR. KISSINGER.
NOW, JUST GET OUT OF HERE,
359
00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:07,303
OF YOU, MR. KISSINGER.
NOW, JUST GET OUT OF HERE,
HENRY, PLEASE.
360
00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:08,637
NOW, JUST GET OUT OF HERE,
HENRY, PLEASE.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
361
00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:11,741
HENRY, PLEASE.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
ALL RIGHT!
362
00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:14,110
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
ALL RIGHT!
NOW, ABOUT THIS DEAN THING.
363
00:12:14,134 --> 00:12:16,112
ALL RIGHT!
NOW, ABOUT THIS DEAN THING.
UM, YES, MR. PRESIDENT.
364
00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:18,047
NOW, ABOUT THIS DEAN THING.
UM, YES, MR. PRESIDENT.
HE'S WAITING OUTSIDE.
365
00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:20,649
UM, YES, MR. PRESIDENT.
HE'S WAITING OUTSIDE.
NOW, I'VE TYPED UP THIS LETTER
366
00:12:20,673 --> 00:12:22,651
HE'S WAITING OUTSIDE.
NOW, I'VE TYPED UP THIS LETTER
OF RESIGNATION THAT WAS DRAFTED
367
00:12:22,675 --> 00:12:25,922
NOW, I'VE TYPED UP THIS LETTER
OF RESIGNATION THAT WAS DRAFTED
BY MR. EHRLICHMAN FOR MR. DEAN
368
00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:26,889
OF RESIGNATION THAT WAS DRAFTED
BY MR. EHRLICHMAN FOR MR. DEAN
TO SIGN.
369
00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:30,059
BY MR. EHRLICHMAN FOR MR. DEAN
TO SIGN.
MMM, GOOD. GOOD.
370
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:33,096
TO SIGN.
MMM, GOOD. GOOD.
IF HE SIGNS THIS, I'M HOME FREE.
371
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:34,496
MMM, GOOD. GOOD.
IF HE SIGNS THIS, I'M HOME FREE.
OH, AND, ROSEMARY, WOULD YOU
372
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:35,798
IF HE SIGNS THIS, I'M HOME FREE.
OH, AND, ROSEMARY, WOULD YOU
TURN ON THE TAPE MACHINE,
373
00:12:35,822 --> 00:12:36,298
OH, AND, ROSEMARY, WOULD YOU
TURN ON THE TAPE MACHINE,
PLEASE?
374
00:12:36,322 --> 00:12:38,334
TURN ON THE TAPE MACHINE,
PLEASE?
OH, YES, MR. PRESIDENT.
375
00:12:38,358 --> 00:12:39,902
PLEASE?
OH, YES, MR. PRESIDENT.
MM-HMM.
376
00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:40,669
OH, YES, MR. PRESIDENT.
MM-HMM.
[CHUCKLES]
377
00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:42,171
MM-HMM.
[CHUCKLES]
I'M GONNA TRY TO GET DEAN TO
378
00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:43,773
[CHUCKLES]
I'M GONNA TRY TO GET DEAN TO
INCRIMINATE HIMSELF AND MAKE ME
379
00:12:43,797 --> 00:12:44,640
I'M GONNA TRY TO GET DEAN TO
INCRIMINATE HIMSELF AND MAKE ME
LOOK INNOCENT.
380
00:12:44,664 --> 00:12:46,175
INCRIMINATE HIMSELF AND MAKE ME
LOOK INNOCENT.
A TAPE COULD COME IN HANDY AS
381
00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:46,809
LOOK INNOCENT.
A TAPE COULD COME IN HANDY AS
EVIDENCE.
382
00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:48,344
A TAPE COULD COME IN HANDY AS
EVIDENCE.
YES, MR. PRESIDENT.
383
00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:50,346
EVIDENCE.
YES, MR. PRESIDENT.
BOY, WHAT A GREAT IDEA THIS
384
00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:53,916
YES, MR. PRESIDENT.
BOY, WHAT A GREAT IDEA THIS
TAPING SYSTEM IS.
385
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:56,018
BOY, WHAT A GREAT IDEA THIS
TAPING SYSTEM IS.
HO, BOY, AM I GONNA MAKE DEAN
386
00:12:56,042 --> 00:12:57,053
TAPING SYSTEM IS.
HO, BOY, AM I GONNA MAKE DEAN
LOOK STUPID!
387
00:12:57,077 --> 00:12:59,122
HO, BOY, AM I GONNA MAKE DEAN
LOOK STUPID!
OH, IS HE GONNA LOOK LIKE AN
388
00:12:59,146 --> 00:12:59,789
LOOK STUPID!
OH, IS HE GONNA LOOK LIKE AN
IDIOT!
389
00:12:59,813 --> 00:13:01,423
OH, IS HE GONNA LOOK LIKE AN
IDIOT!
OH, YOU'RE A GENIUS,
390
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:02,558
IDIOT!
OH, YOU'RE A GENIUS,
MR. PRESIDENT.
391
00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:03,626
OH, YOU'RE A GENIUS,
MR. PRESIDENT.
YES, I AM.
392
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:05,628
MR. PRESIDENT.
YES, I AM.
NOW, ONCE I GET DEAN ON TAPE,
393
00:13:05,652 --> 00:13:07,230
YES, I AM.
NOW, ONCE I GET DEAN ON TAPE,
THERE'S NO WAY I COULD
394
00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:09,398
NOW, ONCE I GET DEAN ON TAPE,
THERE'S NO WAY I COULD
ACCIDENTALLY ERASE IT, IS THERE?
395
00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:11,567
THERE'S NO WAY I COULD
ACCIDENTALLY ERASE IT, IS THERE?
OH, NO, ALL IT CAN DO IS PLAY
396
00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:12,534
ACCIDENTALLY ERASE IT, IS THERE?
OH, NO, ALL IT CAN DO IS PLAY
AND RECORD.
397
00:13:12,558 --> 00:13:14,703
OH, NO, ALL IT CAN DO IS PLAY
AND RECORD.
I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO COULD ERASE
398
00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:15,938
AND RECORD.
I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO COULD ERASE
IT ACCIDENTALLY.
399
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:16,705
I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO COULD ERASE
IT ACCIDENTALLY.
OH, GOOD.
400
00:13:16,729 --> 00:13:18,307
IT ACCIDENTALLY.
OH, GOOD.
THANKS, ROSEMARY, YOU SURE ARE
401
00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:18,808
OH, GOOD.
THANKS, ROSEMARY, YOU SURE ARE
LOYAL.
402
00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:20,309
THANKS, ROSEMARY, YOU SURE ARE
LOYAL.
THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT.
403
00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:21,911
LOYAL.
THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT.
NOW SEND DEAN IN, WILL YOU,
404
00:13:21,935 --> 00:13:22,444
THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT.
NOW SEND DEAN IN, WILL YOU,
PLEASE?
405
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:24,446
NOW SEND DEAN IN, WILL YOU,
PLEASE?
OH, MR. PRESIDENT, ONE MORE
406
00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:25,047
PLEASE?
OH, MR. PRESIDENT, ONE MORE
THING.
407
00:13:25,071 --> 00:13:26,983
OH, MR. PRESIDENT, ONE MORE
THING.
BE SURE TO HAVE MR. DEAN TALK
408
00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:29,819
THING.
BE SURE TO HAVE MR. DEAN TALK
INTO THE LAMP.
409
00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:32,321
BE SURE TO HAVE MR. DEAN TALK
INTO THE LAMP.
OKAY. UH-HUH.
410
00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:34,090
INTO THE LAMP.
OKAY. UH-HUH.
TESTING.
411
00:13:34,114 --> 00:13:36,125
OKAY. UH-HUH.
TESTING.
TESTING, ONE, TWO.
412
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:39,361
TESTING.
TESTING, ONE, TWO.
TESTING, ONE, TWO.
413
00:13:39,385 --> 00:13:41,230
TESTING, ONE, TWO.
TESTING, ONE, TWO.
♪ ONCE THERE WAS
414
00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:43,532
TESTING, ONE, TWO.
♪ ONCE THERE WAS
A SILLY OLD RAM ♪
415
00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:45,168
♪ ONCE THERE WAS
A SILLY OLD RAM ♪
♪ THOUGHT HE'D KNOCK A HOLE IN
416
00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:46,903
A SILLY OLD RAM ♪
♪ THOUGHT HE'D KNOCK A HOLE IN
THAT DAM ♪
417
00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:48,838
♪ THOUGHT HE'D KNOCK A HOLE IN
THAT DAM ♪
♪ NO ONE COULD MAKE THAT RAM
418
00:13:48,862 --> 00:13:50,339
THAT DAM ♪
♪ NO ONE COULD MAKE THAT RAM
SCRAM ♪
419
00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:52,775
♪ NO ONE COULD MAKE THAT RAM
SCRAM ♪
♪ HE KEPT HITTING THAT DAM ♪
420
00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:56,045
SCRAM ♪
♪ HE KEPT HITTING THAT DAM ♪
♪ 'CAUSE HE HAD HIGH HOPES ♪
421
00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:58,380
♪ HE KEPT HITTING THAT DAM ♪
♪ 'CAUSE HE HAD HIGH HOPES ♪
♪ HE HAD HIGH... ♪
422
00:13:58,404 --> 00:13:59,081
♪ 'CAUSE HE HAD HIGH HOPES ♪
♪ HE HAD HIGH... ♪
JOHN!
423
00:13:59,105 --> 00:14:01,617
♪ HE HAD HIGH... ♪
JOHN!
WELL, JOHN, I-I WAS JUST SITTING
424
00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:03,452
JOHN!
WELL, JOHN, I-I WAS JUST SITTING
HERE, SINGING TO RELAX.
425
00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:05,054
WELL, JOHN, I-I WAS JUST SITTING
HERE, SINGING TO RELAX.
I'VE BEEN WORKING SO HARD ON THE
426
00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:06,588
HERE, SINGING TO RELAX.
I'VE BEEN WORKING SO HARD ON THE
BUSINESS OF RUNNING THE COUNTRY
427
00:14:06,612 --> 00:14:08,057
I'VE BEEN WORKING SO HARD ON THE
BUSINESS OF RUNNING THE COUNTRY
AND NATIONAL SECURITY MATTERS
428
00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:09,591
BUSINESS OF RUNNING THE COUNTRY
AND NATIONAL SECURITY MATTERS
AND SUCH THAT I REALLY HAVEN'T
429
00:14:09,615 --> 00:14:10,793
AND NATIONAL SECURITY MATTERS
AND SUCH THAT I REALLY HAVEN'T
HAD TIME TO THINK ABOUT
430
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:11,393
AND SUCH THAT I REALLY HAVEN'T
HAD TIME TO THINK ABOUT
WATERGATE.
431
00:14:11,417 --> 00:14:12,761
HAD TIME TO THINK ABOUT
WATERGATE.
WELL, MR. PRESIDENT, I ONLY
432
00:14:12,785 --> 00:14:13,996
WATERGATE.
WELL, MR. PRESIDENT, I ONLY
CAME TO SAY THAT I WANT TO
433
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:15,464
WELL, MR. PRESIDENT, I ONLY
CAME TO SAY THAT I WANT TO
SAY... WELL, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO
434
00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:16,899
CAME TO SAY THAT I WANT TO
SAY... WELL, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO
PUT THIS, BUT YOU DO UNDERSTAND,
435
00:14:16,923 --> 00:14:18,134
SAY... WELL, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO
PUT THIS, BUT YOU DO UNDERSTAND,
DON'T YOU, THAT I'M LOYAL?
436
00:14:18,158 --> 00:14:20,069
PUT THIS, BUT YOU DO UNDERSTAND,
DON'T YOU, THAT I'M LOYAL?
JOHN, YOU REMEMBER IN MARCH
437
00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:21,904
DON'T YOU, THAT I'M LOYAL?
JOHN, YOU REMEMBER IN MARCH
WHEN YOU CAME IN AND TOLD ME
438
00:14:21,928 --> 00:14:23,906
JOHN, YOU REMEMBER IN MARCH
WHEN YOU CAME IN AND TOLD ME
THAT THERE WAS A CANCER GROWING
439
00:14:23,930 --> 00:14:25,174
WHEN YOU CAME IN AND TOLD ME
THAT THERE WAS A CANCER GROWING
IN THE PRESIDENCY?
440
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:26,375
THAT THERE WAS A CANCER GROWING
IN THE PRESIDENCY?
I CERTAINLY DO, SIR, YES.
441
00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:27,109
IN THE PRESIDENCY?
I CERTAINLY DO, SIR, YES.
YES, I DO.
442
00:14:27,133 --> 00:14:28,744
I CERTAINLY DO, SIR, YES.
YES, I DO.
THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME I
443
00:14:28,768 --> 00:14:30,079
YES, I DO.
THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME I
HEARD ABOUT IT, RIGHT?
444
00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:31,914
THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME I
HEARD ABOUT IT, RIGHT?
WELL, YES, THAT... THAT WOULD
445
00:14:31,938 --> 00:14:33,716
HEARD ABOUT IT, RIGHT?
WELL, YES, THAT... THAT WOULD
BE TRUE IF YOU DO CHOOSE TO TAKE
446
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:35,251
WELL, YES, THAT... THAT WOULD
BE TRUE IF YOU DO CHOOSE TO TAKE
THAT LINE OF DEFENSE, SIR.
447
00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:36,919
BE TRUE IF YOU DO CHOOSE TO TAKE
THAT LINE OF DEFENSE, SIR.
THAT'S WHY I BELIEVE YOU MUST
448
00:14:36,943 --> 00:14:38,620
THAT LINE OF DEFENSE, SIR.
THAT'S WHY I BELIEVE YOU MUST
CLEAR THE AIR BECAUSE IT'S MY
449
00:14:38,644 --> 00:14:40,256
THAT'S WHY I BELIEVE YOU MUST
CLEAR THE AIR BECAUSE IT'S MY
FEELING THAT SIRICA WILL NOT
450
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:41,623
CLEAR THE AIR BECAUSE IT'S MY
FEELING THAT SIRICA WILL NOT
STOP AT HUNT AND LIDDY.
451
00:14:41,647 --> 00:14:43,125
FEELING THAT SIRICA WILL NOT
STOP AT HUNT AND LIDDY.
JOHN, I KNOW THAT
452
00:14:43,149 --> 00:14:45,328
STOP AT HUNT AND LIDDY.
JOHN, I KNOW THAT
JUDGE JOHN SIRICA IS A FINE AND
453
00:14:45,352 --> 00:14:47,496
JOHN, I KNOW THAT
JUDGE JOHN SIRICA IS A FINE AND
FAIR JURIST IN THE TRADITION OF
454
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:50,032
JUDGE JOHN SIRICA IS A FINE AND
FAIR JURIST IN THE TRADITION OF
THE ITALIAN PEOPLE.
455
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:51,934
FAIR JURIST IN THE TRADITION OF
THE ITALIAN PEOPLE.
SIR, I JUST HOPE NOTHING THAT
456
00:14:51,958 --> 00:14:53,269
THE ITALIAN PEOPLE.
SIR, I JUST HOPE NOTHING THAT
I WOULD EVER SAY COULD LEAD THE
457
00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:55,504
SIR, I JUST HOPE NOTHING THAT
I WOULD EVER SAY COULD LEAD THE
PROSECUTORS TO, WELL, TO CALL
458
00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:56,839
I WOULD EVER SAY COULD LEAD THE
PROSECUTORS TO, WELL, TO CALL
FOR YOUR IMPEACHMENT.
459
00:14:56,863 --> 00:14:58,440
PROSECUTORS TO, WELL, TO CALL
FOR YOUR IMPEACHMENT.
JOHN, YOU KNOW, THE FIRST
460
00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:00,109
FOR YOUR IMPEACHMENT.
JOHN, YOU KNOW, THE FIRST
TIME I UNDERSTOOD THE SANCTITY
461
00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:01,878
JOHN, YOU KNOW, THE FIRST
TIME I UNDERSTOOD THE SANCTITY
OF THE PRESIDENCY WAS AFTER IKE
462
00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:03,112
TIME I UNDERSTOOD THE SANCTITY
OF THE PRESIDENCY WAS AFTER IKE
HAD HIS HEART ATTACK.
463
00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:04,646
OF THE PRESIDENCY WAS AFTER IKE
HAD HIS HEART ATTACK.
I SAT BEHIND THIS VERY DESK
464
00:15:04,670 --> 00:15:06,215
HAD HIS HEART ATTACK.
I SAT BEHIND THIS VERY DESK
HERE, AND I SAID TO MYSELF,
465
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:07,850
I SAT BEHIND THIS VERY DESK
HERE, AND I SAID TO MYSELF,
"SOMEDAY I'M GOING TO HAVE MY
466
00:15:07,874 --> 00:15:08,817
HERE, AND I SAID TO MYSELF,
"SOMEDAY I'M GOING TO HAVE MY
OWN PRESIDENCY.
467
00:15:08,841 --> 00:15:10,619
"SOMEDAY I'M GOING TO HAVE MY
OWN PRESIDENCY.
THERE'S GOING TO BE SOME CHANGES
468
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:11,087
OWN PRESIDENCY.
THERE'S GOING TO BE SOME CHANGES
MADE.
469
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:12,554
THERE'S GOING TO BE SOME CHANGES
MADE.
I'M... "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
470
00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:13,622
MADE.
I'M... "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
OH, NOTHING.
471
00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:15,491
I'M... "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
OH, NOTHING.
I JUST COULDN'T HELP NOTICING
472
00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:17,326
OH, NOTHING.
I JUST COULDN'T HELP NOTICING
THAT YOUR SHAKESPEARE VOLUMES
473
00:15:17,350 --> 00:15:18,727
I JUST COULDN'T HELP NOTICING
THAT YOUR SHAKESPEARE VOLUMES
ARE TITLED "MACBETH,"
474
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:20,029
THAT YOUR SHAKESPEARE VOLUMES
ARE TITLED "MACBETH,"
"ROMEO AND JULIET,"
475
00:15:20,053 --> 00:15:21,830
ARE TITLED "MACBETH,"
"ROMEO AND JULIET,"
"RECORD, STOP, FAST-FORWARD,
476
00:15:21,854 --> 00:15:23,499
"ROMEO AND JULIET,"
"RECORD, STOP, FAST-FORWARD,
REWIND," AND "THE MERCHANT
477
00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:24,533
"RECORD, STOP, FAST-FORWARD,
REWIND," AND "THE MERCHANT
OF VENICE," SIR.
478
00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:26,035
REWIND," AND "THE MERCHANT
OF VENICE," SIR.
YEAH, WELL, JOHN, COME HERE
479
00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:27,603
OF VENICE," SIR.
YEAH, WELL, JOHN, COME HERE
AND SIT DOWN, WILL YOU, PLEASE?
480
00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:28,938
YEAH, WELL, JOHN, COME HERE
AND SIT DOWN, WILL YOU, PLEASE?
JUST SIT IN MY CHAIR HERE.
481
00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:30,373
AND SIT DOWN, WILL YOU, PLEASE?
JUST SIT IN MY CHAIR HERE.
SEE HOW IT FEELS, AS IT WERE.
482
00:15:30,397 --> 00:15:31,807
JUST SIT IN MY CHAIR HERE.
SEE HOW IT FEELS, AS IT WERE.
JUST RELAX FOR A MOMENT, YOU
483
00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:32,775
SEE HOW IT FEELS, AS IT WERE.
JUST RELAX FOR A MOMENT, YOU
KNOW?
484
00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:35,011
JUST RELAX FOR A MOMENT, YOU
KNOW?
YOU KNOW, MY AUNT WHO LIVES IN
485
00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:37,079
KNOW?
YOU KNOW, MY AUNT WHO LIVES IN
MODESTO, CALIFORNIA, SHE'S A
486
00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:38,680
YOU KNOW, MY AUNT WHO LIVES IN
MODESTO, CALIFORNIA, SHE'S A
HANDWRITING ANALYST.
487
00:15:38,704 --> 00:15:40,283
MODESTO, CALIFORNIA, SHE'S A
HANDWRITING ANALYST.
SHE DOES IT AS A HOBBY, SORT OF,
488
00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:41,918
HANDWRITING ANALYST.
SHE DOES IT AS A HOBBY, SORT OF,
AND, WELL, SHE'D BE THRILLED IF
489
00:15:41,942 --> 00:15:43,386
SHE DOES IT AS A HOBBY, SORT OF,
AND, WELL, SHE'D BE THRILLED IF
SHE HAD YOUR SIGNATURE AMONG
490
00:15:43,410 --> 00:15:45,021
AND, WELL, SHE'D BE THRILLED IF
SHE HAD YOUR SIGNATURE AMONG
HER COLLECTION, SO WHY DON'T YOU
491
00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:46,555
SHE HAD YOUR SIGNATURE AMONG
HER COLLECTION, SO WHY DON'T YOU
JUST SIGN THIS PIECE OF PAPER
492
00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:47,790
HER COLLECTION, SO WHY DON'T YOU
JUST SIGN THIS PIECE OF PAPER
AND I'LL SEND IT UP THERE?
493
00:15:47,814 --> 00:15:49,158
JUST SIGN THIS PIECE OF PAPER
AND I'LL SEND IT UP THERE?
SHE'D GET A BIG KICK OUT OF IT.
494
00:15:49,182 --> 00:15:50,393
AND I'LL SEND IT UP THERE?
SHE'D GET A BIG KICK OUT OF IT.
JUST PUT MY NAME RIGHT...
495
00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:51,693
SHE'D GET A BIG KICK OUT OF IT.
JUST PUT MY NAME RIGHT...
JUST PUT YOUR NAME... SHE'D
496
00:15:51,717 --> 00:15:53,095
JUST PUT MY NAME RIGHT...
JUST PUT YOUR NAME... SHE'D
GET A BIG... SHE FRAMES THEM UP.
497
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:54,130
JUST PUT YOUR NAME... SHE'D
GET A BIG... SHE FRAMES THEM UP.
WAIT A MINUTE.
498
00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:55,164
GET A BIG... SHE FRAMES THEM UP.
WAIT A MINUTE.
THIS IS A LETTER.
499
00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:56,665
WAIT A MINUTE.
THIS IS A LETTER.
"DEAR MR. PRESIDENT, PLEASE
500
00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:58,334
THIS IS A LETTER.
"DEAR MR. PRESIDENT, PLEASE
ACCEPT MY IMMEDIATE RESIGNATION
501
00:15:58,358 --> 00:16:00,069
"DEAR MR. PRESIDENT, PLEASE
ACCEPT MY IMMEDIATE RESIGNATION
BECAUSE OF MY RESPONSIBILITY FOR
502
00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:01,404
ACCEPT MY IMMEDIATE RESIGNATION
BECAUSE OF MY RESPONSIBILITY FOR
THE WATERGATE COVER-UP.
503
00:16:01,428 --> 00:16:02,838
BECAUSE OF MY RESPONSIBILITY FOR
THE WATERGATE COVER-UP.
ALSO FOR THE SECRET WAR IN
504
00:16:02,862 --> 00:16:04,140
THE WATERGATE COVER-UP.
ALSO FOR THE SECRET WAR IN
CAMBODIA AND THE I.T.T.
505
00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:04,807
ALSO FOR THE SECRET WAR IN
CAMBODIA AND THE I.T.T.
INCIDENT.
506
00:16:04,831 --> 00:16:06,175
CAMBODIA AND THE I.T.T.
INCIDENT.
EHRLICHMAN AND HALDEMAN KNEW
507
00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:06,708
INCIDENT.
EHRLICHMAN AND HALDEMAN KNEW
NOTHING.
508
00:16:06,732 --> 00:16:08,177
EHRLICHMAN AND HALDEMAN KNEW
NOTHING.
I JUST HOPE YOU FIND IT IN YOUR
509
00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:09,211
NOTHING.
I JUST HOPE YOU FIND IT IN YOUR
HEART TO FORGIVE ME.
510
00:16:09,235 --> 00:16:10,746
I JUST HOPE YOU FIND IT IN YOUR
HEART TO FORGIVE ME.
I AM NOT A BOTTOM-DWELLING SLUG.
511
00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:12,915
HEART TO FORGIVE ME.
I AM NOT A BOTTOM-DWELLING SLUG.
YOU ARE NOT A CROOK.
512
00:16:12,939 --> 00:16:14,317
I AM NOT A BOTTOM-DWELLING SLUG.
YOU ARE NOT A CROOK.
SIGNED JOHN DEAN."
513
00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:15,284
YOU ARE NOT A CROOK.
SIGNED JOHN DEAN."
BUT...
514
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:18,254
SIGNED JOHN DEAN."
BUT...
WHAT?!
515
00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:20,622
BUT...
WHAT?!
WHAT?!
516
00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:22,658
WHAT?!
WHAT?!
LET ME SEE THAT!
517
00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:25,627
WHAT?!
LET ME SEE THAT!
ISN'T THAT WEIRD?!
518
00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:27,663
LET ME SEE THAT!
ISN'T THAT WEIRD?!
WELL, ISN'T THAT SOMETHING?
519
00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:29,966
ISN'T THAT WEIRD?!
WELL, ISN'T THAT SOMETHING?
THAT REALLY IS A MYSTERY, JOHN.
520
00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:32,201
WELL, ISN'T THAT SOMETHING?
THAT REALLY IS A MYSTERY, JOHN.
THAT'S A STUMPER IF EVER I SAW
521
00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:33,635
THAT REALLY IS A MYSTERY, JOHN.
THAT'S A STUMPER IF EVER I SAW
ONE, JOHN.
522
00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:36,638
THAT'S A STUMPER IF EVER I SAW
ONE, JOHN.
WHY, ISN'T THAT STRANGE!
523
00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:41,510
ONE, JOHN.
WHY, ISN'T THAT STRANGE!
WHY, I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING...
524
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:43,012
WHY, ISN'T THAT STRANGE!
WHY, I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING...
THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I
525
00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:44,413
WHY, I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING...
THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I
SPOKE WITH RICHARD NIXON.
526
00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:46,082
THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I
SPOKE WITH RICHARD NIXON.
A YEAR AND A HALF LATER FOUND A
527
00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:47,816
SPOKE WITH RICHARD NIXON.
A YEAR AND A HALF LATER FOUND A
NEW PRESIDENT IN THE WHITE HOUSE
528
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,118
A YEAR AND A HALF LATER FOUND A
NEW PRESIDENT IN THE WHITE HOUSE
AND ME AT HOLABIRD
529
00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:50,752
NEW PRESIDENT IN THE WHITE HOUSE
AND ME AT HOLABIRD
MINIMUM-SECURITY PRISON.
530
00:16:50,776 --> 00:16:52,554
AND ME AT HOLABIRD
MINIMUM-SECURITY PRISON.
IT WAS VISITING DAY, AND MY
531
00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:54,490
MINIMUM-SECURITY PRISON.
IT WAS VISITING DAY, AND MY
WIFE, MO, HAD COME TO SEE ME.
532
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:58,060
IT WAS VISITING DAY, AND MY
WIFE, MO, HAD COME TO SEE ME.
[TYPEWRITER CLACKING]
533
00:16:58,084 --> 00:16:59,795
WIFE, MO, HAD COME TO SEE ME.
[TYPEWRITER CLACKING]
HOW'S THE BOOK COMING?
534
00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:01,063
[TYPEWRITER CLACKING]
HOW'S THE BOOK COMING?
OH, HELLO, MO.
535
00:17:01,087 --> 00:17:01,964
HOW'S THE BOOK COMING?
OH, HELLO, MO.
JUST GREAT.
536
00:17:01,988 --> 00:17:03,299
OH, HELLO, MO.
JUST GREAT.
IT'S DOING NICELY.
537
00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:05,368
JUST GREAT.
IT'S DOING NICELY.
HAVE YOU SEEN TODAY'S PAPER?
538
00:17:05,392 --> 00:17:06,869
IT'S DOING NICELY.
HAVE YOU SEEN TODAY'S PAPER?
NO, WHY?
539
00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:10,839
HAVE YOU SEEN TODAY'S PAPER?
NO, WHY?
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
540
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:13,275
NO, WHY?
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
ON THE FRONT?
541
00:17:13,299 --> 00:17:15,644
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
ON THE FRONT?
"FORD PARDONS NIXON"?!
542
00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:17,079
ON THE FRONT?
"FORD PARDONS NIXON"?!
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
543
00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:19,248
"FORD PARDONS NIXON"?!
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
THEN, ONLY NIXON... WELL, HE'LL
544
00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:21,317
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
THEN, ONLY NIXON... WELL, HE'LL
NEVER HAVE TO ADMIT ANYTHING.
545
00:17:21,341 --> 00:17:23,486
THEN, ONLY NIXON... WELL, HE'LL
NEVER HAVE TO ADMIT ANYTHING.
DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING ON FORD
546
00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:24,553
NEVER HAVE TO ADMIT ANYTHING.
DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING ON FORD
IN YOUR BOOK?
547
00:17:24,577 --> 00:17:25,921
DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING ON FORD
IN YOUR BOOK?
YES, I DO... A COUPLE OF
548
00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:27,123
IN YOUR BOOK?
YES, I DO... A COUPLE OF
THINGS.
549
00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:29,558
YES, I DO... A COUPLE OF
THINGS.
FORD WILL PROBABLY RUN IN
550
00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:30,659
THINGS.
FORD WILL PROBABLY RUN IN
'76.
551
00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:31,260
FORD WILL PROBABLY RUN IN
'76.
YEAH?
552
00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:32,828
'76.
YEAH?
WHY DON'T YOU RELEASE YOUR
553
00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:34,463
YEAH?
WHY DON'T YOU RELEASE YOUR
BOOK RIGHT BEFORE THE ELECTION?
554
00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:35,631
WHY DON'T YOU RELEASE YOUR
BOOK RIGHT BEFORE THE ELECTION?
THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
555
00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:37,166
BOOK RIGHT BEFORE THE ELECTION?
THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
THAT'LL ENSURE TWO THINGS... BIG
556
00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:38,401
THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
THAT'LL ENSURE TWO THINGS... BIG
SALES FOR MY BOOK AND THE
557
00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:41,937
THAT'LL ENSURE TWO THINGS... BIG
SALES FOR MY BOOK AND THE
PRESIDENCY FOR HUBERT HUMPHREY.
558
00:17:41,961 --> 00:17:44,601
SALES FOR MY BOOK AND THE
PRESIDENCY FOR HUBERT HUMPHREY.
[APPLAUSE]
559
00:18:01,012 --> 00:18:06,262
[CHUCKLES]
MADAM AND MONSIEUR, RY COODER,
RIGHT HERE.
560
00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:08,966
MADAM AND MONSIEUR, RY COODER,
RIGHT HERE.
[INTRO TO "TATTLER" PLAYS]
561
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:29,100
♪ WHENEVER YOU FIND A MAN
THAT LOVES EVERY WOMAN HE SEES ♪
♪ WELL, THERE'S ALWAYS SOME KIND
562
00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:34,690
THAT LOVES EVERY WOMAN HE SEES ♪
♪ WELL, THERE'S ALWAYS SOME KIND
OF WOMAN THAT'S A-PUTTIN' HIM UP
563
00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:36,992
♪ WELL, THERE'S ALWAYS SOME KIND
OF WOMAN THAT'S A-PUTTIN' HIM UP
A TREE ♪
564
00:18:37,016 --> 00:18:38,394
OF WOMAN THAT'S A-PUTTIN' HIM UP
A TREE ♪
♪ NOW, THAT KIND OF MAN,
565
00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:42,198
A TREE ♪
♪ NOW, THAT KIND OF MAN,
HE AIN'T GOT AS MUCH SENSE
566
00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:44,500
♪ NOW, THAT KIND OF MAN,
HE AIN'T GOT AS MUCH SENSE
AS A MULE ♪
567
00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:46,368
HE AIN'T GOT AS MUCH SENSE
AS A MULE ♪
♪ WELL, YOU KNOW EVERY WOMAN
568
00:18:46,392 --> 00:18:48,270
AS A MULE ♪
♪ WELL, YOU KNOW EVERY WOMAN
DON'T LOVE YOU ♪
569
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:49,972
♪ WELL, YOU KNOW EVERY WOMAN
DON'T LOVE YOU ♪
♪ THEY'RE JUST A-PLAYIN' YOU
570
00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:52,274
DON'T LOVE YOU ♪
♪ THEY'RE JUST A-PLAYIN' YOU
FOR A FOOL ♪
571
00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:54,176
♪ THEY'RE JUST A-PLAYIN' YOU
FOR A FOOL ♪
♪ MMM ♪
572
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:57,813
FOR A FOOL ♪
♪ MMM ♪
♪ OH, NO, IT'S NOT HARD FOR YOU
573
00:18:57,837 --> 00:19:00,082
♪ MMM ♪
♪ OH, NO, IT'S NOT HARD FOR YOU
TO UNDERSTAND ♪
574
00:19:00,106 --> 00:19:03,119
♪ OH, NO, IT'S NOT HARD FOR YOU
TO UNDERSTAND ♪
♪ TRUE LOVE CAN BE SUCH A SWEET
575
00:19:03,143 --> 00:19:06,255
TO UNDERSTAND ♪
♪ TRUE LOVE CAN BE SUCH A SWEET
HARMONY IF YOU DO THE BEST
576
00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:09,119
♪ TRUE LOVE CAN BE SUCH A SWEET
HARMONY IF YOU DO THE BEST
THAT YOU CAN ♪
577
00:19:14,419 --> 00:19:21,903
♪ IF YOU MARRY THE WRONG KIND OF
WOMAN AND YOU GET WHERE YOU
CAN'T AGREE ♪
578
00:19:21,927 --> 00:19:24,406
WOMAN AND YOU GET WHERE YOU
CAN'T AGREE ♪
♪ WELL, YOU JUST AS WELL TO GET
579
00:19:24,430 --> 00:19:29,545
CAN'T AGREE ♪
♪ WELL, YOU JUST AS WELL TO GET
YOUR HAT AND LET THAT WOMAN BE ♪
580
00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:32,314
♪ WELL, YOU JUST AS WELL TO GET
YOUR HAT AND LET THAT WOMAN BE ♪
♪ BUT MEN OUGHT TO MAKE GOOD
581
00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:34,350
YOUR HAT AND LET THAT WOMAN BE ♪
♪ BUT MEN OUGHT TO MAKE GOOD
HUSBANDS ♪
582
00:19:34,374 --> 00:19:36,252
♪ BUT MEN OUGHT TO MAKE GOOD
HUSBANDS ♪
♪ QUIT TRYIN' TO LEAD A FAST
583
00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:37,986
HUSBANDS ♪
♪ QUIT TRYIN' TO LEAD A FAST
LIFE ♪
584
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:40,122
♪ QUIT TRYIN' TO LEAD A FAST
LIFE ♪
♪ GOIN' ABOUT DRESSIN' UP OTHER
585
00:19:40,146 --> 00:19:43,091
LIFE ♪
♪ GOIN' ABOUT DRESSIN' UP OTHER
WOMEN WON'T PUT CLOTHES
586
00:19:43,115 --> 00:19:45,027
♪ GOIN' ABOUT DRESSIN' UP OTHER
WOMEN WON'T PUT CLOTHES
ON HIS OWN WIFE ♪
587
00:19:45,051 --> 00:19:47,196
WOMEN WON'T PUT CLOTHES
ON HIS OWN WIFE ♪
♪ MMM ♪
588
00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:50,566
ON HIS OWN WIFE ♪
♪ MMM ♪
♪ OH, NO, IT'S NOT HARD
589
00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:53,169
♪ MMM ♪
♪ OH, NO, IT'S NOT HARD
FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND ♪
590
00:19:53,193 --> 00:19:56,372
♪ OH, NO, IT'S NOT HARD
FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND ♪
♪ TRUE LOVE CAN BE SUCH A SWEET
591
00:19:56,396 --> 00:19:59,741
FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND ♪
♪ TRUE LOVE CAN BE SUCH A SWEET
HARMONY IF YOU DO THE BEST
592
00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:02,605
♪ TRUE LOVE CAN BE SUCH A SWEET
HARMONY IF YOU DO THE BEST
THAT YOU CAN ♪
593
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:41,817
♪ NOW, THERE'S LOTS OF GOOD
WOMEN WHO WANTS TO MARRY ♪
♪ AND THEY WANTS TO LIVE WELL
594
00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:43,619
WOMEN WHO WANTS TO MARRY ♪
♪ AND THEY WANTS TO LIVE WELL
AT HOME ♪
595
00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:44,953
♪ AND THEY WANTS TO LIVE WELL
AT HOME ♪
♪ BUT THEY'RE 'FRAID THEY'LL
596
00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:47,956
AT HOME ♪
♪ BUT THEY'RE 'FRAID THEY'LL
MIGHT GET HOLD OF A ROWDY MAN ♪
597
00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:51,660
♪ BUT THEY'RE 'FRAID THEY'LL
MIGHT GET HOLD OF A ROWDY MAN ♪
♪ CAN'T LET OTHER WOMEN ALONE ♪
598
00:20:51,684 --> 00:20:53,795
MIGHT GET HOLD OF A ROWDY MAN ♪
♪ CAN'T LET OTHER WOMEN ALONE ♪
♪ AND THERE'S LOTS OF GOOD MEN
599
00:20:53,819 --> 00:20:55,531
♪ CAN'T LET OTHER WOMEN ALONE ♪
♪ AND THERE'S LOTS OF GOOD MEN
NOW WANTS TO MARRY ♪
600
00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:57,866
♪ AND THERE'S LOTS OF GOOD MEN
NOW WANTS TO MARRY ♪
♪ AND THEY WANTS TO LIVE WELL
601
00:20:57,890 --> 00:20:59,768
NOW WANTS TO MARRY ♪
♪ AND THEY WANTS TO LIVE WELL
AT HOME ♪
602
00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:01,370
♪ AND THEY WANTS TO LIVE WELL
AT HOME ♪
♪ BUT EVERY TIME THEY TURN THEIR
603
00:21:01,394 --> 00:21:03,539
AT HOME ♪
♪ BUT EVERY TIME THEY TURN THEIR
BACK, THERE'S A MAN THERE
604
00:21:03,563 --> 00:21:07,776
♪ BUT EVERY TIME THEY TURN THEIR
BACK, THERE'S A MAN THERE
ASKIN', "DARLIN', IS HE GONE?" ♪
605
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:11,447
BACK, THERE'S A MAN THERE
ASKIN', "DARLIN', IS HE GONE?" ♪
♪ MMM, OH, NO ♪
606
00:21:11,471 --> 00:21:13,315
ASKIN', "DARLIN', IS HE GONE?" ♪
♪ MMM, OH, NO ♪
♪ IT'S NOT HARD FOR YOU
607
00:21:13,339 --> 00:21:15,551
♪ MMM, OH, NO ♪
♪ IT'S NOT HARD FOR YOU
TO UNDERSTAND ♪
608
00:21:15,575 --> 00:21:18,721
♪ IT'S NOT HARD FOR YOU
TO UNDERSTAND ♪
♪ TRUE LOVE CAN BE SUCH A SWEET
609
00:21:18,745 --> 00:21:21,624
TO UNDERSTAND ♪
♪ TRUE LOVE CAN BE SUCH A SWEET
HARMONY IF YOU DO THE BEST
610
00:21:21,648 --> 00:21:23,825
♪ TRUE LOVE CAN BE SUCH A SWEET
HARMONY IF YOU DO THE BEST
THAT YOU CAN ♪
611
00:21:23,849 --> 00:21:27,529
HARMONY IF YOU DO THE BEST
THAT YOU CAN ♪
♪ MMM, OH, NO ♪
612
00:21:27,553 --> 00:21:29,465
THAT YOU CAN ♪
♪ MMM, OH, NO ♪
♪ IT'S NOT HARD FOR YOU
613
00:21:29,489 --> 00:21:31,634
♪ MMM, OH, NO ♪
♪ IT'S NOT HARD FOR YOU
TO UNDERSTAND ♪
614
00:21:31,658 --> 00:21:34,903
♪ IT'S NOT HARD FOR YOU
TO UNDERSTAND ♪
♪ TRUE LOVE CAN BE SUCH A SWEET
615
00:21:34,927 --> 00:21:37,740
TO UNDERSTAND ♪
♪ TRUE LOVE CAN BE SUCH A SWEET
HARMONY IF YOU DO THE BEST
616
00:21:37,764 --> 00:21:40,631
♪ TRUE LOVE CAN BE SUCH A SWEET
HARMONY IF YOU DO THE BEST
THAT YOU CAN ♪
617
00:22:04,756 --> 00:22:07,057
[APPLAUSE]
618
00:22:18,937 --> 00:22:24,453
NEXT WEEK, PAUL SIMON RETURNS
TO HOST "SATURDAY NIGHT."
HIS SPECIAL GUEST WILL BE
619
00:22:24,477 --> 00:22:26,087
TO HOST "SATURDAY NIGHT."
HIS SPECIAL GUEST WILL BE
GEORGE HARRISON.
620
00:22:26,111 --> 00:22:27,989
HIS SPECIAL GUEST WILL BE
GEORGE HARRISON.
IT'S GONNA BE TERRIFIC.
621
00:22:28,013 --> 00:22:29,973
GEORGE HARRISON.
IT'S GONNA BE TERRIFIC.
[APPLAUSE]
622
00:22:32,250 --> 00:22:36,587
Announcer: AND NOW,
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH
JANE CURTIN.
623
00:22:55,073 --> 00:23:00,723
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... THE
POST OFFICE ANNOUNCED TODAY THAT
IN HONOR OF THE BICENTENNIAL, IT
624
00:23:00,747 --> 00:23:02,424
POST OFFICE ANNOUNCED TODAY THAT
IN HONOR OF THE BICENTENNIAL, IT
IS GOING TO REISSUE A STAMP
625
00:23:02,448 --> 00:23:04,226
IN HONOR OF THE BICENTENNIAL, IT
IS GOING TO REISSUE A STAMP
COMMEMORATING PROSTITUTION IN
626
00:23:04,250 --> 00:23:05,427
IS GOING TO REISSUE A STAMP
COMMEMORATING PROSTITUTION IN
THE UNITED STATES.
627
00:23:05,451 --> 00:23:07,396
COMMEMORATING PROSTITUTION IN
THE UNITED STATES.
IT'S A 10-CENT STAMP, BUT IF YOU
628
00:23:07,420 --> 00:23:10,700
THE UNITED STATES.
IT'S A 10-CENT STAMP, BUT IF YOU
WANT TO LICK IT, IT'S A QUARTER.
629
00:23:13,592 --> 00:23:19,475
FOLLOWING THE FINAL ELECTION
RETURNS LAST WEEK, GERALD FORD
MADE A PRIVATE TELEPHONE CALL TO
630
00:23:19,499 --> 00:23:21,477
RETURNS LAST WEEK, GERALD FORD
MADE A PRIVATE TELEPHONE CALL TO
RICHARD NIXON AT SAN CLEMENTE.
631
00:23:21,501 --> 00:23:23,545
MADE A PRIVATE TELEPHONE CALL TO
RICHARD NIXON AT SAN CLEMENTE.
OUR SOURCES REPORT THAT THE EX-
632
00:23:23,569 --> 00:23:25,381
RICHARD NIXON AT SAN CLEMENTE.
OUR SOURCES REPORT THAT THE EX-
AND SOON-TO-BE EX-PRESIDENT
633
00:23:25,405 --> 00:23:27,215
OUR SOURCES REPORT THAT THE EX-
AND SOON-TO-BE EX-PRESIDENT
DISCUSSED PLANS FOR RUNNING
634
00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:29,217
AND SOON-TO-BE EX-PRESIDENT
DISCUSSED PLANS FOR RUNNING
TOGETHER IN 1980 BUT COULDN'T
635
00:23:29,241 --> 00:23:32,954
DISCUSSED PLANS FOR RUNNING
TOGETHER IN 1980 BUT COULDN'T
DECIDE WHAT COUNTRY TO DO IT IN.
636
00:23:32,978 --> 00:23:34,923
TOGETHER IN 1980 BUT COULDN'T
DECIDE WHAT COUNTRY TO DO IT IN.
NOW THAT THE ELECTIONS ARE OVER,
637
00:23:34,947 --> 00:23:36,692
DECIDE WHAT COUNTRY TO DO IT IN.
NOW THAT THE ELECTIONS ARE OVER,
PEOPLE ARE OBVIOUSLY EXCITED
638
00:23:36,716 --> 00:23:38,494
NOW THAT THE ELECTIONS ARE OVER,
PEOPLE ARE OBVIOUSLY EXCITED
ABOUT THE IMPENDING CHANGE IN
639
00:23:38,518 --> 00:23:40,462
PEOPLE ARE OBVIOUSLY EXCITED
ABOUT THE IMPENDING CHANGE IN
ADMINISTRATIONS, BUT NOT WITHOUT
640
00:23:40,486 --> 00:23:41,630
ABOUT THE IMPENDING CHANGE IN
ADMINISTRATIONS, BUT NOT WITHOUT
CAUTION, HOWEVER.
641
00:23:41,654 --> 00:23:43,465
ADMINISTRATIONS, BUT NOT WITHOUT
CAUTION, HOWEVER.
STUDENTS ARE SHOWN HERE PARADING
642
00:23:43,489 --> 00:23:44,800
CAUTION, HOWEVER.
STUDENTS ARE SHOWN HERE PARADING
THROUGH THE STREETS OF
643
00:23:44,824 --> 00:23:46,402
STUDENTS ARE SHOWN HERE PARADING
THROUGH THE STREETS OF
WASHINGTON WITH THE HEAD OF
644
00:23:46,426 --> 00:23:48,236
THROUGH THE STREETS OF
WASHINGTON WITH THE HEAD OF
JERRY FORD, WHO THEY DECAPITATED
645
00:23:48,260 --> 00:23:49,872
WASHINGTON WITH THE HEAD OF
JERRY FORD, WHO THEY DECAPITATED
AS A WARNING TO JIMMY CARTER
646
00:23:49,896 --> 00:23:53,642
JERRY FORD, WHO THEY DECAPITATED
AS A WARNING TO JIMMY CARTER
THAT HE'D BETTER WATCH HIMSELF.
647
00:23:53,666 --> 00:23:55,411
AS A WARNING TO JIMMY CARTER
THAT HE'D BETTER WATCH HIMSELF.
MANY REPUBLICANS ARE BLAMING
648
00:23:55,435 --> 00:23:57,379
THAT HE'D BETTER WATCH HIMSELF.
MANY REPUBLICANS ARE BLAMING
SENATOR ROBERT DOLE FOR THE LOSS
649
00:23:57,403 --> 00:23:59,214
MANY REPUBLICANS ARE BLAMING
SENATOR ROBERT DOLE FOR THE LOSS
OF THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION.
650
00:23:59,238 --> 00:24:00,883
SENATOR ROBERT DOLE FOR THE LOSS
OF THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION.
DOLE DENIES THAT HE WAS A MINUS
651
00:24:00,907 --> 00:24:02,350
OF THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION.
DOLE DENIES THAT HE WAS A MINUS
RATHER THAN A PLUS ON THIS
652
00:24:02,374 --> 00:24:04,019
DOLE DENIES THAT HE WAS A MINUS
RATHER THAN A PLUS ON THIS
YEAR'S TICKET BY SAYING THAT IF
653
00:24:04,043 --> 00:24:05,487
RATHER THAN A PLUS ON THIS
YEAR'S TICKET BY SAYING THAT IF
IT HAD BEEN CARTER/MONDALE
654
00:24:05,511 --> 00:24:07,122
YEAR'S TICKET BY SAYING THAT IF
IT HAD BEEN CARTER/MONDALE
AGAINST JUST FORD, MANY VOTERS
655
00:24:07,146 --> 00:24:08,524
IT HAD BEEN CARTER/MONDALE
AGAINST JUST FORD, MANY VOTERS
WOULD HAVE CRITICIZED THE
656
00:24:08,548 --> 00:24:09,958
AGAINST JUST FORD, MANY VOTERS
WOULD HAVE CRITICIZED THE
PRESIDENT FOR NOT HAVING A
657
00:24:09,982 --> 00:24:15,798
WOULD HAVE CRITICIZED THE
PRESIDENT FOR NOT HAVING A
RUNNING MATE.
658
00:24:15,822 --> 00:24:17,666
PRESIDENT FOR NOT HAVING A
RUNNING MATE.
WELL, THE LARGEST PRIEST IN THE
659
00:24:17,690 --> 00:24:19,535
RUNNING MATE.
WELL, THE LARGEST PRIEST IN THE
WORLD TURNED VENTRILOQUIST THIS
660
00:24:19,559 --> 00:24:20,068
WELL, THE LARGEST PRIEST IN THE
WORLD TURNED VENTRILOQUIST THIS
WEEK.
661
00:24:20,092 --> 00:24:21,937
WORLD TURNED VENTRILOQUIST THIS
WEEK.
A HIGHLIGHT OF HIS NEW ACT WILL
662
00:24:21,961 --> 00:24:23,806
WEEK.
A HIGHLIGHT OF HIS NEW ACT WILL
BE DRINKING A GLASS OF WINE AND
663
00:24:23,830 --> 00:24:25,641
A HIGHLIGHT OF HIS NEW ACT WILL
BE DRINKING A GLASS OF WINE AND
SINGING "I GOTTA BE ME" AT THE
664
00:24:25,665 --> 00:24:28,811
BE DRINKING A GLASS OF WINE AND
SINGING "I GOTTA BE ME" AT THE
SAME TIME.
665
00:24:28,835 --> 00:24:30,779
SINGING "I GOTTA BE ME" AT THE
SAME TIME.
ACTRESS SALLY FIELD IS MAKING A
666
00:24:30,803 --> 00:24:32,548
SAME TIME.
ACTRESS SALLY FIELD IS MAKING A
COMEBACK IN A 4-HOUR DRAMA,
667
00:24:32,572 --> 00:24:34,550
ACTRESS SALLY FIELD IS MAKING A
COMEBACK IN A 4-HOUR DRAMA,
"SYBIL," TO BE TELEVISED ON NBC.
668
00:24:34,574 --> 00:24:36,485
COMEBACK IN A 4-HOUR DRAMA,
"SYBIL," TO BE TELEVISED ON NBC.
ADAPTED FROM THE BOOK, "SYBIL"
669
00:24:36,509 --> 00:24:38,520
"SYBIL," TO BE TELEVISED ON NBC.
ADAPTED FROM THE BOOK, "SYBIL"
IS THE STORY OF A WOMAN WHO TOOK
670
00:24:38,544 --> 00:24:39,988
ADAPTED FROM THE BOOK, "SYBIL"
IS THE STORY OF A WOMAN WHO TOOK
REFUGE IN 16 DIFFERENT
671
00:24:40,012 --> 00:24:41,022
IS THE STORY OF A WOMAN WHO TOOK
REFUGE IN 16 DIFFERENT
PERSONALITIES.
672
00:24:41,046 --> 00:24:42,825
REFUGE IN 16 DIFFERENT
PERSONALITIES.
SALLY WELCOMES THE CHALLENGE OF
673
00:24:42,849 --> 00:24:44,359
PERSONALITIES.
SALLY WELCOMES THE CHALLENGE OF
THIS ROLE AND FEELS SHE IS
674
00:24:44,383 --> 00:24:46,194
SALLY WELCOMES THE CHALLENGE OF
THIS ROLE AND FEELS SHE IS
COMPETENT TO PULL IT OFF, AS SHE
675
00:24:46,218 --> 00:24:47,830
THIS ROLE AND FEELS SHE IS
COMPETENT TO PULL IT OFF, AS SHE
RECENTLY TOLD THIS REPORTER...
676
00:24:47,854 --> 00:24:49,498
COMPETENT TO PULL IT OFF, AS SHE
RECENTLY TOLD THIS REPORTER...
"THANK YOU, IT'S NICE TO BE
677
00:24:49,522 --> 00:24:50,031
RECENTLY TOLD THIS REPORTER...
"THANK YOU, IT'S NICE TO BE
HERE.
678
00:24:50,055 --> 00:24:51,934
"THANK YOU, IT'S NICE TO BE
HERE.
SHOULD I CHECK YOUR OIL, MA'AM?
679
00:24:51,958 --> 00:24:53,869
HERE.
SHOULD I CHECK YOUR OIL, MA'AM?
AND NOW IT'S TIME TO PLAY DOUBLE
680
00:24:53,893 --> 00:24:54,603
SHOULD I CHECK YOUR OIL, MA'AM?
AND NOW IT'S TIME TO PLAY DOUBLE
JEOPARDY.
681
00:24:54,627 --> 00:24:57,205
AND NOW IT'S TIME TO PLAY DOUBLE
JEOPARDY.
WE'LL CALL THE BABY 'JESUS.'
682
00:24:57,229 --> 00:24:58,941
JEOPARDY.
WE'LL CALL THE BABY 'JESUS.'
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
683
00:24:58,965 --> 00:25:00,642
WE'LL CALL THE BABY 'JESUS.'
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
FRANKLIN, STOP PLAYING WITH FIRE
684
00:25:00,666 --> 00:25:01,610
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
FRANKLIN, STOP PLAYING WITH FIRE
AND COME TO BED!
685
00:25:01,634 --> 00:25:03,345
FRANKLIN, STOP PLAYING WITH FIRE
AND COME TO BED!
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
686
00:25:03,369 --> 00:25:04,646
AND COME TO BED!
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
I DO.
687
00:25:04,670 --> 00:25:06,314
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
I DO.
WHO WAS THAT MASKED MAN?
688
00:25:06,338 --> 00:25:08,416
I DO.
WHO WAS THAT MASKED MAN?
I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND YOU'RE NOT.
689
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:09,952
WHO WAS THAT MASKED MAN?
I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND YOU'RE NOT.
COME ON, SANDY, WE GOTTA FIND
690
00:25:09,976 --> 00:25:10,853
I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND YOU'RE NOT.
COME ON, SANDY, WE GOTTA FIND
DADDY WARBUCKS!
691
00:25:10,877 --> 00:25:13,221
COME ON, SANDY, WE GOTTA FIND
DADDY WARBUCKS!
$20 FOR ME, $10 FOR THE HOTEL.
692
00:25:13,245 --> 00:25:15,524
DADDY WARBUCKS!
$20 FOR ME, $10 FOR THE HOTEL.
EVERY BOY WANTS A HASBRO TOY.
693
00:25:15,548 --> 00:25:16,658
$20 FOR ME, $10 FOR THE HOTEL.
EVERY BOY WANTS A HASBRO TOY.
HEY, ABBOTT!
694
00:25:16,682 --> 00:25:18,961
EVERY BOY WANTS A HASBRO TOY.
HEY, ABBOTT!
I AM NOT A CROOK.
695
00:25:18,985 --> 00:25:20,496
HEY, ABBOTT!
I AM NOT A CROOK.
LASSIE, IT'S ME, TIMMY!
696
00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:22,430
I AM NOT A CROOK.
LASSIE, IT'S ME, TIMMY!
AND AS GOD AS MY WITNESS, I'LL
697
00:25:22,454 --> 00:25:24,900
LASSIE, IT'S ME, TIMMY!
AND AS GOD AS MY WITNESS, I'LL
NEVER BE HUNGRY AGAIN."
698
00:25:24,924 --> 00:25:29,070
AND AS GOD AS MY WITNESS, I'LL
NEVER BE HUNGRY AGAIN."
[APPLAUSE]
699
00:25:29,094 --> 00:25:31,507
NEVER BE HUNGRY AGAIN."
[APPLAUSE]
MEMBERS OF THE PLAINS BAPTIST
700
00:25:31,531 --> 00:25:33,509
[APPLAUSE]
MEMBERS OF THE PLAINS BAPTIST
CHURCH, WHICH... HELLO.
701
00:25:33,533 --> 00:25:36,144
MEMBERS OF THE PLAINS BAPTIST
CHURCH, WHICH... HELLO.
MEMBERS OF THE PLAINS BAPTIST...
702
00:25:36,168 --> 00:25:38,046
CHURCH, WHICH... HELLO.
MEMBERS OF THE PLAINS BAPTIST...
HELLO.
703
00:25:38,070 --> 00:25:39,848
MEMBERS OF THE PLAINS BAPTIST...
HELLO.
MEMBERS OF THE PLAINS BAPTIST
704
00:25:39,872 --> 00:25:41,683
HELLO.
MEMBERS OF THE PLAINS BAPTIST
CHURCH, WHICH JIMMY CARTER HAS
705
00:25:41,707 --> 00:25:43,619
MEMBERS OF THE PLAINS BAPTIST
CHURCH, WHICH JIMMY CARTER HAS
ATTENDED ALL HIS LIFE, WILL MEET
706
00:25:43,643 --> 00:25:45,420
CHURCH, WHICH JIMMY CARTER HAS
ATTENDED ALL HIS LIFE, WILL MEET
TOMORROW MORNING TO DECIDE ON
707
00:25:45,444 --> 00:25:47,255
ATTENDED ALL HIS LIFE, WILL MEET
TOMORROW MORNING TO DECIDE ON
WHETHER OR NOT TO ADMIT BLACKS
708
00:25:47,279 --> 00:25:48,557
TOMORROW MORNING TO DECIDE ON
WHETHER OR NOT TO ADMIT BLACKS
TO THE CONGREGATION.
709
00:25:48,581 --> 00:25:50,425
WHETHER OR NOT TO ADMIT BLACKS
TO THE CONGREGATION.
VILLAGE RESIDENTS ARE OPTIMISTIC
710
00:25:50,449 --> 00:25:51,960
TO THE CONGREGATION.
VILLAGE RESIDENTS ARE OPTIMISTIC
ABOUT THE DECISION, AS THE
711
00:25:51,984 --> 00:25:53,762
VILLAGE RESIDENTS ARE OPTIMISTIC
ABOUT THE DECISION, AS THE
CHURCH BAPTISMAL BASIN IS BEING
712
00:25:53,786 --> 00:25:55,096
ABOUT THE DECISION, AS THE
CHURCH BAPTISMAL BASIN IS BEING
STOCKED THIS WEEK WITH
713
00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:56,865
CHURCH BAPTISMAL BASIN IS BEING
STOCKED THIS WEEK WITH
ALLIGATORS SHIPPED IN FROM THE
714
00:25:56,889 --> 00:25:58,066
STOCKED THIS WEEK WITH
ALLIGATORS SHIPPED IN FROM THE
FLORIDA EVERGLADES.
715
00:25:58,090 --> 00:25:59,635
ALLIGATORS SHIPPED IN FROM THE
FLORIDA EVERGLADES.
WE COULD TRY THAT AGAIN ON THAT
716
00:25:59,659 --> 00:26:05,140
FLORIDA EVERGLADES.
WE COULD TRY THAT AGAIN ON THAT
CAMERA AND SEE IF... OH, HELLO.
717
00:26:05,164 --> 00:26:07,142
WE COULD TRY THAT AGAIN ON THAT
CAMERA AND SEE IF... OH, HELLO.
IN A TRAGIC NOTE THIS WEEK, IT
718
00:26:07,166 --> 00:26:09,077
CAMERA AND SEE IF... OH, HELLO.
IN A TRAGIC NOTE THIS WEEK, IT
WAS DISCOVERED THAT THE DEATH
719
00:26:09,101 --> 00:26:11,112
IN A TRAGIC NOTE THIS WEEK, IT
WAS DISCOVERED THAT THE DEATH
OF SMOKEY THE BEAR WAS ACTUALLY
720
00:26:11,136 --> 00:26:12,748
WAS DISCOVERED THAT THE DEATH
OF SMOKEY THE BEAR WAS ACTUALLY
A SUICIDE.
721
00:26:12,772 --> 00:26:14,315
OF SMOKEY THE BEAR WAS ACTUALLY
A SUICIDE.
THE VETERAN FIREFIGHTER WAS
722
00:26:14,339 --> 00:26:15,884
A SUICIDE.
THE VETERAN FIREFIGHTER WAS
DESPONDENT OVER HIS FAILING
723
00:26:15,908 --> 00:26:17,452
THE VETERAN FIREFIGHTER WAS
DESPONDENT OVER HIS FAILING
HEALTH, A CONDITION DOCTORS
724
00:26:17,476 --> 00:26:19,187
DESPONDENT OVER HIS FAILING
HEALTH, A CONDITION DOCTORS
DESCRIBED AS CHRONIC INSOMNIA.
725
00:26:19,211 --> 00:26:20,989
HEALTH, A CONDITION DOCTORS
DESCRIBED AS CHRONIC INSOMNIA.
SMOKEY HADN'T SLEPT FOR THE PAST
726
00:26:21,013 --> 00:26:22,524
DESCRIBED AS CHRONIC INSOMNIA.
SMOKEY HADN'T SLEPT FOR THE PAST
THREE WINTERS, LEAVING HIM
727
00:26:22,548 --> 00:26:24,192
SMOKEY HADN'T SLEPT FOR THE PAST
THREE WINTERS, LEAVING HIM
RESTLESS, CONFUSED, AND QUITE
728
00:26:24,216 --> 00:26:25,961
THREE WINTERS, LEAVING HIM
RESTLESS, CONFUSED, AND QUITE
INCOHERENT, AS INDICATED IN HIS
729
00:26:25,985 --> 00:26:27,395
RESTLESS, CONFUSED, AND QUITE
INCOHERENT, AS INDICATED IN HIS
SUICIDE NOTE WHICH READ,
730
00:26:27,419 --> 00:26:29,431
INCOHERENT, AS INDICATED IN HIS
SUICIDE NOTE WHICH READ,
"REMEMBER, ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT
731
00:26:29,455 --> 00:26:33,735
SUICIDE NOTE WHICH READ,
"REMEMBER, ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT
FORREST TUCKER."
732
00:26:33,759 --> 00:26:35,771
"REMEMBER, ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT
FORREST TUCKER."
FOR MORE ON THIS STORY, WE TAKE
733
00:26:35,795 --> 00:26:37,573
FORREST TUCKER."
FOR MORE ON THIS STORY, WE TAKE
YOU NOW TO LINCOLN NATIONAL
734
00:26:37,597 --> 00:26:39,307
FOR MORE ON THIS STORY, WE TAKE
YOU NOW TO LINCOLN NATIONAL
FOREST IN NEW MEXICO, WITH
735
00:26:39,331 --> 00:26:41,209
YOU NOW TO LINCOLN NATIONAL
FOREST IN NEW MEXICO, WITH
CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN.
736
00:26:41,233 --> 00:26:42,910
FOREST IN NEW MEXICO, WITH
CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN.
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
737
00:26:42,934 --> 00:26:44,835
JANE, I'M STANDING HERE IN
738
00:26:44,970 --> 00:26:46,670
NEW MEXICO AT THE SITE OF THE
739
00:26:46,805 --> 00:26:49,239
FUNERAL FOR SMOKEY THE BEAR.
740
00:26:49,507 --> 00:26:54,556
IT WAS A TOUCHING SERVICE
ATTENDED BY CLOSE FRIENDS AS
WELL AS CELEBRITIES INCLUDING
741
00:26:54,580 --> 00:26:56,825
ATTENDED BY CLOSE FRIENDS AS
WELL AS CELEBRITIES INCLUDING
BAMBI, THUMPER,
742
00:26:56,849 --> 00:26:59,360
WELL AS CELEBRITIES INCLUDING
BAMBI, THUMPER,
PETER COTTONTAIL, REDD FOXX,
743
00:26:59,384 --> 00:27:03,865
BAMBI, THUMPER,
PETER COTTONTAIL, REDD FOXX,
MAX BAER, AND BEAVER CLEAVER.
744
00:27:03,889 --> 00:27:05,734
PETER COTTONTAIL, REDD FOXX,
MAX BAER, AND BEAVER CLEAVER.
YOU KNOW, ODDLY ENOUGH, JANE,
745
00:27:05,758 --> 00:27:07,736
MAX BAER, AND BEAVER CLEAVER.
YOU KNOW, ODDLY ENOUGH, JANE,
SMOKEY'S LAST REQUEST WAS TO BE
746
00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:08,503
YOU KNOW, ODDLY ENOUGH, JANE,
SMOKEY'S LAST REQUEST WAS TO BE
CREMATED.
747
00:27:08,527 --> 00:27:09,972
SMOKEY'S LAST REQUEST WAS TO BE
CREMATED.
HE WANTED IT THAT WAY.
748
00:27:09,996 --> 00:27:11,740
CREMATED.
HE WANTED IT THAT WAY.
SMOKEY WAS ALWAYS CONCERNED
749
00:27:11,764 --> 00:27:13,675
HE WANTED IT THAT WAY.
SMOKEY WAS ALWAYS CONCERNED
ABOUT ECOLOGY AND FIGURED THAT
750
00:27:13,699 --> 00:27:15,611
SMOKEY WAS ALWAYS CONCERNED
ABOUT ECOLOGY AND FIGURED THAT
HIS REMAINS SHOULD NOT TAKE UP
751
00:27:15,635 --> 00:27:17,679
ABOUT ECOLOGY AND FIGURED THAT
HIS REMAINS SHOULD NOT TAKE UP
PRECIOUS LAND SPACE WITH A
752
00:27:17,703 --> 00:27:18,480
HIS REMAINS SHOULD NOT TAKE UP
PRECIOUS LAND SPACE WITH A
BURIAL.
753
00:27:18,504 --> 00:27:20,682
PRECIOUS LAND SPACE WITH A
BURIAL.
SO A SIMPLE CREMATION IT IS,
754
00:27:20,706 --> 00:27:22,818
BURIAL.
SO A SIMPLE CREMATION IT IS,
JANE, AS THIS BELOVED CIVIL
755
00:27:22,842 --> 00:27:24,686
SO A SIMPLE CREMATION IT IS,
JANE, AS THIS BELOVED CIVIL
SERVANT IS NOW GONE BUT
756
00:27:24,710 --> 00:27:27,288
JANE, AS THIS BELOVED CIVIL
SERVANT IS NOW GONE BUT
DEFINITELY NOT FORGOTTEN.
757
00:27:27,312 --> 00:27:29,190
SERVANT IS NOW GONE BUT
DEFINITELY NOT FORGOTTEN.
AND SO, SMOKEY THE BEAR, WHO
758
00:27:29,214 --> 00:27:31,026
DEFINITELY NOT FORGOTTEN.
AND SO, SMOKEY THE BEAR, WHO
SPENT HIS LIFE PROWLIN' AND
759
00:27:31,050 --> 00:27:32,995
AND SO, SMOKEY THE BEAR, WHO
SPENT HIS LIFE PROWLIN' AND
A-GROWLIN' AND A-SNIFFIN' THE
760
00:27:33,019 --> 00:27:34,896
SPENT HIS LIFE PROWLIN' AND
A-GROWLIN' AND A-SNIFFIN' THE
AIR, HE COULD SMELL A FIRE
761
00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:36,798
A-GROWLIN' AND A-SNIFFIN' THE
AIR, HE COULD SMELL A FIRE
BEFORE IT STARTS TO FLAME,
762
00:27:36,822 --> 00:27:38,867
AIR, HE COULD SMELL A FIRE
BEFORE IT STARTS TO FLAME,
THAT'S THE WAY THEY CALL HIM,
763
00:27:38,891 --> 00:27:40,969
BEFORE IT STARTS TO FLAME,
THAT'S THE WAY THEY CALL HIM,
SMOKEY, THAT'S HOW HE GOT HIS
764
00:27:40,993 --> 00:27:41,536
THAT'S THE WAY THEY CALL HIM,
SMOKEY, THAT'S HOW HE GOT HIS
NAME.
765
00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:44,172
SMOKEY, THAT'S HOW HE GOT HIS
NAME.
BACK TO YOU, JANE.
766
00:27:44,196 --> 00:27:48,076
NAME.
BACK TO YOU, JANE.
[APPLAUSE]
767
00:27:48,100 --> 00:27:50,478
BACK TO YOU, JANE.
[APPLAUSE]
AND WITH SMOKEY'S DEATH, SO
768
00:27:50,502 --> 00:27:52,881
[APPLAUSE]
AND WITH SMOKEY'S DEATH, SO
ENDS THE 26-YEAR MORATORIUM ON
769
00:27:52,905 --> 00:27:54,116
AND WITH SMOKEY'S DEATH, SO
ENDS THE 26-YEAR MORATORIUM ON
FOREST FIRES.
770
00:27:54,140 --> 00:27:56,451
ENDS THE 26-YEAR MORATORIUM ON
FOREST FIRES.
A POSTSCRIPT TO THIS STORY...
771
00:27:56,475 --> 00:27:58,319
FOREST FIRES.
A POSTSCRIPT TO THIS STORY...
WEEKEND UPDATE HAS JUST LEARNED
772
00:27:58,343 --> 00:27:59,621
A POSTSCRIPT TO THIS STORY...
WEEKEND UPDATE HAS JUST LEARNED
THAT SMOKEY'S JOB AS
773
00:27:59,645 --> 00:28:01,422
WEEKEND UPDATE HAS JUST LEARNED
THAT SMOKEY'S JOB AS
FIRE-PREVENTION SYMBOL WILL BE
774
00:28:01,446 --> 00:28:02,891
THAT SMOKEY'S JOB AS
FIRE-PREVENTION SYMBOL WILL BE
TAKEN OVER BY NBC's OWN
775
00:28:02,915 --> 00:28:04,960
FIRE-PREVENTION SYMBOL WILL BE
TAKEN OVER BY NBC's OWN
GENE SHALIT.
776
00:28:04,984 --> 00:28:07,796
TAKEN OVER BY NBC's OWN
GENE SHALIT.
[APPLAUSE]
777
00:28:07,820 --> 00:28:09,497
GENE SHALIT.
[APPLAUSE]
STILL TO COME... GENERAL
778
00:28:09,521 --> 00:28:11,633
[APPLAUSE]
STILL TO COME... GENERAL
WILLIAM WESTMORELAND ON HIS WAY
779
00:28:11,657 --> 00:28:13,601
STILL TO COME... GENERAL
WILLIAM WESTMORELAND ON HIS WAY
TO A UTAH FIRING SQUAD AFTER
780
00:28:13,625 --> 00:28:16,437
WILLIAM WESTMORELAND ON HIS WAY
TO A UTAH FIRING SQUAD AFTER
THIS MESSAGE.
781
00:28:16,461 --> 00:28:19,830
TO A UTAH FIRING SQUAD AFTER
THIS MESSAGE.
["THE MARINES' HYMN" PLAYING]
782
00:28:44,355 --> 00:28:46,523
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
783
00:28:58,603 --> 00:29:00,838
Announcer: THE MARINES...
784
00:29:05,443 --> 00:29:07,344
[APPLAUSE]
785
00:29:11,783 --> 00:29:16,865
OUR FINAL STORY IS THE KIND
OF STORY WE LIKE TO SEE IN THIS
AGE WHEN ALL YOU HEAR ABOUT
786
00:29:16,889 --> 00:29:18,600
OF STORY WE LIKE TO SEE IN THIS
AGE WHEN ALL YOU HEAR ABOUT
NEW YORKERS IS THAT THEY JUST
787
00:29:18,624 --> 00:29:20,202
AGE WHEN ALL YOU HEAR ABOUT
NEW YORKERS IS THAT THEY JUST
DON'T WANT TO GET INVOLVED.
788
00:29:20,226 --> 00:29:22,104
NEW YORKERS IS THAT THEY JUST
DON'T WANT TO GET INVOLVED.
WELL, VIETNAM VET TONY HERNANDEZ
789
00:29:22,128 --> 00:29:23,839
DON'T WANT TO GET INVOLVED.
WELL, VIETNAM VET TONY HERNANDEZ
WAS WALKING HOME TO HIS SOUTH
790
00:29:23,863 --> 00:29:25,640
WELL, VIETNAM VET TONY HERNANDEZ
WAS WALKING HOME TO HIS SOUTH
BRONX APARTMENT LAST NIGHT WHEN
791
00:29:25,664 --> 00:29:27,075
WAS WALKING HOME TO HIS SOUTH
BRONX APARTMENT LAST NIGHT WHEN
HE HEARD THE SCREAMS OF
792
00:29:27,099 --> 00:29:29,244
BRONX APARTMENT LAST NIGHT WHEN
HE HEARD THE SCREAMS OF
23-YEAR-OLD VICKY HAMEL, WHO WAS
793
00:29:29,268 --> 00:29:31,246
HE HEARD THE SCREAMS OF
23-YEAR-OLD VICKY HAMEL, WHO WAS
BEING RAPED AT KNIFEPOINT BY A
794
00:29:31,270 --> 00:29:32,748
23-YEAR-OLD VICKY HAMEL, WHO WAS
BEING RAPED AT KNIFEPOINT BY A
300-POUND ASSAILANT.
795
00:29:32,772 --> 00:29:34,850
BEING RAPED AT KNIFEPOINT BY A
300-POUND ASSAILANT.
WELL, HERNANDEZ INTERCEDED, THE
796
00:29:34,874 --> 00:29:36,852
300-POUND ASSAILANT.
WELL, HERNANDEZ INTERCEDED, THE
ASSAILANT KNIFED HIM TO DEATH,
797
00:29:36,876 --> 00:29:38,920
WELL, HERNANDEZ INTERCEDED, THE
ASSAILANT KNIFED HIM TO DEATH,
AND CONTINUED WITH MISS HAMEL.
798
00:29:38,944 --> 00:29:40,622
ASSAILANT KNIFED HIM TO DEATH,
AND CONTINUED WITH MISS HAMEL.
YOU JUST DON'T HEAR STORIES LIKE
799
00:29:40,646 --> 00:29:42,157
AND CONTINUED WITH MISS HAMEL.
YOU JUST DON'T HEAR STORIES LIKE
THAT ANYMORE.
800
00:29:42,181 --> 00:29:43,591
YOU JUST DON'T HEAR STORIES LIKE
THAT ANYMORE.
GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT
801
00:29:43,615 --> 00:29:45,026
THAT ANYMORE.
GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.
802
00:29:45,050 --> 00:29:47,010
GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.
[APPLAUSE]
803
00:29:53,291 --> 00:30:01,291
[CHURCH ORGAN PLAYING]
[Irish accent] ALL OF US AT
ONE TIME OR ANOTHER REACH A
804
00:30:03,035 --> 00:30:04,646
[Irish accent] ALL OF US AT
ONE TIME OR ANOTHER REACH A
CROSSROAD, A TIME TO DECIDE
805
00:30:04,670 --> 00:30:06,481
ONE TIME OR ANOTHER REACH A
CROSSROAD, A TIME TO DECIDE
WHICH PATH ONE WILL TAKE DURING
806
00:30:06,505 --> 00:30:07,482
CROSSROAD, A TIME TO DECIDE
WHICH PATH ONE WILL TAKE DURING
ONE'S LIFETIME.
807
00:30:07,506 --> 00:30:09,184
WHICH PATH ONE WILL TAKE DURING
ONE'S LIFETIME.
BUT WHILE THE LORD GUIDES US
808
00:30:09,208 --> 00:30:10,886
ONE'S LIFETIME.
BUT WHILE THE LORD GUIDES US
WITH HIS SPIRIT, WE ALSO HAVE
809
00:30:10,910 --> 00:30:12,788
BUT WHILE THE LORD GUIDES US
WITH HIS SPIRIT, WE ALSO HAVE
FREE WILL TO HELP DETERMINE OUR
810
00:30:12,812 --> 00:30:13,288
WITH HIS SPIRIT, WE ALSO HAVE
FREE WILL TO HELP DETERMINE OUR
FATE.
811
00:30:13,312 --> 00:30:15,857
FREE WILL TO HELP DETERMINE OUR
FATE.
THIS FAMILY IS ABOUT TO CONFRONT
812
00:30:15,881 --> 00:30:17,025
FATE.
THIS FAMILY IS ABOUT TO CONFRONT
A CROSSROAD.
813
00:30:17,049 --> 00:30:19,194
THIS FAMILY IS ABOUT TO CONFRONT
A CROSSROAD.
LET US WATCH AND SEE HOW THEY
814
00:30:19,218 --> 00:30:25,901
A CROSSROAD.
LET US WATCH AND SEE HOW THEY
HANDLE THEIR PERSONAL CRISIS.
815
00:30:25,925 --> 00:30:26,634
LET US WATCH AND SEE HOW THEY
HANDLE THEIR PERSONAL CRISIS.
DAD?
816
00:30:26,658 --> 00:30:28,736
HANDLE THEIR PERSONAL CRISIS.
DAD?
DAD, CAN I SPEAK TO YOU FOR A
817
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:29,470
DAD?
DAD, CAN I SPEAK TO YOU FOR A
MINUTE?
818
00:30:29,494 --> 00:30:31,506
DAD, CAN I SPEAK TO YOU FOR A
MINUTE?
YOU KNOW, THIS MIGHT COME AS
819
00:30:31,530 --> 00:30:33,474
MINUTE?
YOU KNOW, THIS MIGHT COME AS
QUITE A SHOCK TO YOU, BUT I
820
00:30:33,498 --> 00:30:35,610
YOU KNOW, THIS MIGHT COME AS
QUITE A SHOCK TO YOU, BUT I
THINK I'D LIKE TO QUIT SCHOOL.
821
00:30:35,634 --> 00:30:37,512
QUITE A SHOCK TO YOU, BUT I
THINK I'D LIKE TO QUIT SCHOOL.
I'M JUST NOT CUT OUT FOR IT,
822
00:30:37,536 --> 00:30:38,013
THINK I'D LIKE TO QUIT SCHOOL.
I'M JUST NOT CUT OUT FOR IT,
DAD.
823
00:30:38,037 --> 00:30:40,048
I'M JUST NOT CUT OUT FOR IT,
DAD.
YOU KNOW HOW HARD I TRIED, HOW
824
00:30:40,072 --> 00:30:42,117
DAD.
YOU KNOW HOW HARD I TRIED, HOW
I'VE STUDIED, BUT NO MATTER HOW
825
00:30:42,141 --> 00:30:45,420
YOU KNOW HOW HARD I TRIED, HOW
I'VE STUDIED, BUT NO MATTER HOW
HARD I WORK, I STILL DO POORLY.
826
00:30:45,444 --> 00:30:48,323
I'VE STUDIED, BUT NO MATTER HOW
HARD I WORK, I STILL DO POORLY.
LOOK, EVEN IF I STICK IT OUT AND
827
00:30:48,347 --> 00:30:51,726
HARD I WORK, I STILL DO POORLY.
LOOK, EVEN IF I STICK IT OUT AND
FINISH THE TERM AND GRADUATE,
828
00:30:51,750 --> 00:30:53,461
LOOK, EVEN IF I STICK IT OUT AND
FINISH THE TERM AND GRADUATE,
WHAT GOOD WILL IT DO?
829
00:30:53,485 --> 00:30:55,330
FINISH THE TERM AND GRADUATE,
WHAT GOOD WILL IT DO?
I'M JUST NOT COLLEGE MATERIAL,
830
00:30:55,354 --> 00:30:56,431
WHAT GOOD WILL IT DO?
I'M JUST NOT COLLEGE MATERIAL,
DAD.
831
00:30:56,455 --> 00:30:58,233
I'M JUST NOT COLLEGE MATERIAL,
DAD.
I'M AT THE AGE WHERE I CAN MAKE
832
00:30:58,257 --> 00:31:00,168
DAD.
I'M AT THE AGE WHERE I CAN MAKE
UP MY OWN MIND AND MAKE THE
833
00:31:00,192 --> 00:31:02,704
I'M AT THE AGE WHERE I CAN MAKE
UP MY OWN MIND AND MAKE THE
DECISIONS THAT'LL MAKE ME HAPPY.
834
00:31:02,728 --> 00:31:04,505
UP MY OWN MIND AND MAKE THE
DECISIONS THAT'LL MAKE ME HAPPY.
I SPOKE TO MR. HENDERSON TODAY,
835
00:31:04,529 --> 00:31:06,074
DECISIONS THAT'LL MAKE ME HAPPY.
I SPOKE TO MR. HENDERSON TODAY,
AND HE SAID HE COULD USE A
836
00:31:06,098 --> 00:31:07,843
I SPOKE TO MR. HENDERSON TODAY,
AND HE SAID HE COULD USE A
COUPLE OF NEW GUYS DOWN AT THE
837
00:31:07,867 --> 00:31:09,044
AND HE SAID HE COULD USE A
COUPLE OF NEW GUYS DOWN AT THE
CONSTRUCTION SITE.
838
00:31:09,068 --> 00:31:10,912
COUPLE OF NEW GUYS DOWN AT THE
CONSTRUCTION SITE.
HE COULD PULL A FEW STRINGS, AND
839
00:31:10,936 --> 00:31:12,780
CONSTRUCTION SITE.
HE COULD PULL A FEW STRINGS, AND
MAYBE LATER I COULD GET INTO THE
840
00:31:12,804 --> 00:31:13,348
HE COULD PULL A FEW STRINGS, AND
MAYBE LATER I COULD GET INTO THE
UNION.
841
00:31:13,372 --> 00:31:14,515
MAYBE LATER I COULD GET INTO THE
UNION.
THEN I'D BE MAKING SOME REAL
842
00:31:14,539 --> 00:31:15,817
UNION.
THEN I'D BE MAKING SOME REAL
MONEY, DAD.
843
00:31:15,841 --> 00:31:17,252
THEN I'D BE MAKING SOME REAL
MONEY, DAD.
IT WOULD HELP YOU, TOO.
844
00:31:17,276 --> 00:31:18,987
MONEY, DAD.
IT WOULD HELP YOU, TOO.
I COULD START PULLING MY OWN
845
00:31:19,011 --> 00:31:20,222
IT WOULD HELP YOU, TOO.
I COULD START PULLING MY OWN
WEIGHT AROUND HERE.
846
00:31:20,246 --> 00:31:22,157
I COULD START PULLING MY OWN
WEIGHT AROUND HERE.
YOU KNOW, PAY SOME BILLS AND
847
00:31:22,181 --> 00:31:22,690
WEIGHT AROUND HERE.
YOU KNOW, PAY SOME BILLS AND
ALL.
848
00:31:22,714 --> 00:31:24,092
YOU KNOW, PAY SOME BILLS AND
ALL.
IT'D BE GREAT, DAD.
849
00:31:24,116 --> 00:31:26,261
ALL.
IT'D BE GREAT, DAD.
I'D FEEL LIKE A MAN INSTEAD OF A
850
00:31:26,285 --> 00:31:28,330
IT'D BE GREAT, DAD.
I'D FEEL LIKE A MAN INSTEAD OF A
FAILURE, WHICH I AM AT SCHOOL,
851
00:31:28,354 --> 00:31:30,198
I'D FEEL LIKE A MAN INSTEAD OF A
FAILURE, WHICH I AM AT SCHOOL,
DAD.
852
00:31:30,222 --> 00:31:31,833
FAILURE, WHICH I AM AT SCHOOL,
DAD.
LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE
853
00:31:31,857 --> 00:31:33,068
DAD.
LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE
DISAPPOINTED.
854
00:31:33,092 --> 00:31:35,036
LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE
DISAPPOINTED.
DAD, YOU'VE TRIED TO MAKE IT
855
00:31:35,060 --> 00:31:37,205
DISAPPOINTED.
DAD, YOU'VE TRIED TO MAKE IT
EASIER FOR ME, EASIER FOR ME TO
856
00:31:37,229 --> 00:31:39,440
DAD, YOU'VE TRIED TO MAKE IT
EASIER FOR ME, EASIER FOR ME TO
HELP ME HAVE MORE OPPORTUNITIES,
857
00:31:39,464 --> 00:31:41,642
EASIER FOR ME, EASIER FOR ME TO
HELP ME HAVE MORE OPPORTUNITIES,
THE OPPORTUNITIES YOU NEVER HAD.
858
00:31:41,666 --> 00:31:43,444
HELP ME HAVE MORE OPPORTUNITIES,
THE OPPORTUNITIES YOU NEVER HAD.
AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT.
859
00:31:43,468 --> 00:31:45,780
THE OPPORTUNITIES YOU NEVER HAD.
AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT.
BUT THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO DO,
860
00:31:45,804 --> 00:31:46,381
AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT.
BUT THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO DO,
DAD.
861
00:31:46,405 --> 00:31:47,916
BUT THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO DO,
DAD.
PLEASE UNDERSTAND.
862
00:31:47,940 --> 00:31:52,620
DAD.
PLEASE UNDERSTAND.
DAD!
863
00:31:52,644 --> 00:31:55,556
PLEASE UNDERSTAND.
DAD!
BREAKDOWN IN COMMUNICATION.
864
00:31:55,580 --> 00:31:57,092
DAD!
BREAKDOWN IN COMMUNICATION.
JAMIE WANTS TO YIELD TO
865
00:31:57,116 --> 00:31:58,927
BREAKDOWN IN COMMUNICATION.
JAMIE WANTS TO YIELD TO
TEMPTATION AND SACRIFICE HIS
866
00:31:58,951 --> 00:32:00,295
JAMIE WANTS TO YIELD TO
TEMPTATION AND SACRIFICE HIS
FUTURE FOR IMMEDIATE REWARD, NOT
867
00:32:00,319 --> 00:32:01,196
TEMPTATION AND SACRIFICE HIS
FUTURE FOR IMMEDIATE REWARD, NOT
UNUSUAL.
868
00:32:01,220 --> 00:32:03,398
FUTURE FOR IMMEDIATE REWARD, NOT
UNUSUAL.
AN ADOLESCENT CRY FOR HELP.
869
00:32:03,422 --> 00:32:05,200
UNUSUAL.
AN ADOLESCENT CRY FOR HELP.
AAH!
870
00:32:05,224 --> 00:32:06,768
AN ADOLESCENT CRY FOR HELP.
AAH!
BUT JAMIE'S FATHER HAS ALSO
871
00:32:06,792 --> 00:32:07,903
AAH!
BUT JAMIE'S FATHER HAS ALSO
REACHED A CROSSROAD.
872
00:32:07,927 --> 00:32:09,504
BUT JAMIE'S FATHER HAS ALSO
REACHED A CROSSROAD.
SHOULD HE GRANT APPROVAL TO HIS
873
00:32:09,528 --> 00:32:11,039
REACHED A CROSSROAD.
SHOULD HE GRANT APPROVAL TO HIS
SON'S DESIRE, OR SHOULD HE BE
874
00:32:11,063 --> 00:32:12,640
SHOULD HE GRANT APPROVAL TO HIS
SON'S DESIRE, OR SHOULD HE BE
ADAMANT BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHAT'S
875
00:32:12,664 --> 00:32:13,641
SON'S DESIRE, OR SHOULD HE BE
ADAMANT BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHAT'S
BEST FOR HIS SON?
876
00:32:13,665 --> 00:32:15,343
ADAMANT BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHAT'S
BEST FOR HIS SON?
WELL, JAMIE NOW APPROACHES HIS
877
00:32:15,367 --> 00:32:17,112
BEST FOR HIS SON?
WELL, JAMIE NOW APPROACHES HIS
OTHER PARENT, HOPING A MOTHER'S
878
00:32:17,136 --> 00:32:18,679
WELL, JAMIE NOW APPROACHES HIS
OTHER PARENT, HOPING A MOTHER'S
LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING WILL
879
00:32:18,703 --> 00:32:21,816
OTHER PARENT, HOPING A MOTHER'S
LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING WILL
EMBRACE HIM AND SUPPORT HIM.
880
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:23,851
LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING WILL
EMBRACE HIM AND SUPPORT HIM.
[GROANING]
881
00:32:23,875 --> 00:32:26,154
EMBRACE HIM AND SUPPORT HIM.
[GROANING]
JAMIE, DEAR, EAT YOUR SOUP
882
00:32:26,178 --> 00:32:28,390
[GROANING]
JAMIE, DEAR, EAT YOUR SOUP
BEFORE IT GETS COLD.
883
00:32:28,414 --> 00:32:30,558
JAMIE, DEAR, EAT YOUR SOUP
BEFORE IT GETS COLD.
MOM? DO YOU LOVE ME?
884
00:32:30,582 --> 00:32:32,294
BEFORE IT GETS COLD.
MOM? DO YOU LOVE ME?
OH, JAMIE, WHAT A SILLY
885
00:32:32,318 --> 00:32:33,094
MOM? DO YOU LOVE ME?
OH, JAMIE, WHAT A SILLY
QUESTION.
886
00:32:33,118 --> 00:32:34,162
OH, JAMIE, WHAT A SILLY
QUESTION.
YOU KNOW I DO.
887
00:32:34,186 --> 00:32:35,730
QUESTION.
YOU KNOW I DO.
EAT IT, IT'S VEGETABLE.
888
00:32:35,754 --> 00:32:37,098
YOU KNOW I DO.
EAT IT, IT'S VEGETABLE.
IT'S YOUR FAVORITE.
889
00:32:37,122 --> 00:32:39,200
EAT IT, IT'S VEGETABLE.
IT'S YOUR FAVORITE.
MOM, THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME.
890
00:32:39,224 --> 00:32:40,936
IT'S YOUR FAVORITE.
MOM, THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME.
YOU UNDERSTAND, DON'T YOU?
891
00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:42,870
MOM, THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME.
YOU UNDERSTAND, DON'T YOU?
I KNOW I'M YOUR SON AND YOU WANT
892
00:32:42,894 --> 00:32:44,672
YOU UNDERSTAND, DON'T YOU?
I KNOW I'M YOUR SON AND YOU WANT
WHAT'S BEST FOR ME, BUT DON'T
893
00:32:44,696 --> 00:32:45,340
I KNOW I'M YOUR SON AND YOU WANT
WHAT'S BEST FOR ME, BUT DON'T
YOU SEE?
894
00:32:45,364 --> 00:32:46,975
WHAT'S BEST FOR ME, BUT DON'T
YOU SEE?
RIGHT NOW, WORKING DOWN AT
895
00:32:46,999 --> 00:32:48,910
YOU SEE?
RIGHT NOW, WORKING DOWN AT
HENDERSON IS WHAT'S BEST FOR ME.
896
00:32:48,934 --> 00:32:52,981
RIGHT NOW, WORKING DOWN AT
HENDERSON IS WHAT'S BEST FOR ME.
PLEASE, MOM, I KNOW...
897
00:32:53,005 --> 00:32:54,582
HENDERSON IS WHAT'S BEST FOR ME.
PLEASE, MOM, I KNOW...
I KNOW I'M YOUR SON AND YOU'D
898
00:32:54,606 --> 00:32:56,184
PLEASE, MOM, I KNOW...
I KNOW I'M YOUR SON AND YOU'D
NEVER DO ANYTHING TO HURT ME,
899
00:32:56,208 --> 00:32:57,518
I KNOW I'M YOUR SON AND YOU'D
NEVER DO ANYTHING TO HURT ME,
AND I'D NEVER WANT TO DO
900
00:32:57,542 --> 00:32:58,753
NEVER DO ANYTHING TO HURT ME,
AND I'D NEVER WANT TO DO
ANYTHING TO HURT YOU.
901
00:32:58,777 --> 00:33:00,922
AND I'D NEVER WANT TO DO
ANYTHING TO HURT YOU.
BUT I HAVE TO HAVE MY OWN WA...
902
00:33:00,946 --> 00:33:02,457
ANYTHING TO HURT YOU.
BUT I HAVE TO HAVE MY OWN WA...
AAH!
903
00:33:02,481 --> 00:33:04,426
BUT I HAVE TO HAVE MY OWN WA...
AAH!
OHH!
904
00:33:04,450 --> 00:33:05,961
AAH!
OHH!
A FAMILY AT THE CROSSROADS.
905
00:33:05,985 --> 00:33:07,295
OHH!
A FAMILY AT THE CROSSROADS.
JAMIE APPEARS INTENT UPON
906
00:33:07,319 --> 00:33:08,896
A FAMILY AT THE CROSSROADS.
JAMIE APPEARS INTENT UPON
LEAVING SCHOOL, AND HIS PARENTS
907
00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:10,531
JAMIE APPEARS INTENT UPON
LEAVING SCHOOL, AND HIS PARENTS
ARE VEHEMENT ABOUT NOT APPROVING
908
00:33:10,555 --> 00:33:11,466
LEAVING SCHOOL, AND HIS PARENTS
ARE VEHEMENT ABOUT NOT APPROVING
SUCH A DECISION.
909
00:33:11,490 --> 00:33:12,968
ARE VEHEMENT ABOUT NOT APPROVING
SUCH A DECISION.
NOW, WHEN SUCH A STALEMATE HAS
910
00:33:12,992 --> 00:33:14,502
SUCH A DECISION.
NOW, WHEN SUCH A STALEMATE HAS
BEEN REACHED, WHEN NO SOLUTION
911
00:33:14,526 --> 00:33:16,137
NOW, WHEN SUCH A STALEMATE HAS
BEEN REACHED, WHEN NO SOLUTION
HAS BEEN FOUND BY THE LOVED ONES
912
00:33:16,161 --> 00:33:17,672
BEEN REACHED, WHEN NO SOLUTION
HAS BEEN FOUND BY THE LOVED ONES
INVOLVED, IT IS NATURAL, THEN,
913
00:33:17,696 --> 00:33:19,274
HAS BEEN FOUND BY THE LOVED ONES
INVOLVED, IT IS NATURAL, THEN,
THAT THEY SEEK OUTSIDE GUIDANCE
914
00:33:19,298 --> 00:33:22,610
INVOLVED, IT IS NATURAL, THEN,
THAT THEY SEEK OUTSIDE GUIDANCE
AND HELP.
915
00:33:22,634 --> 00:33:23,845
THAT THEY SEEK OUTSIDE GUIDANCE
AND HELP.
[GROANING]
916
00:33:23,869 --> 00:33:24,879
AND HELP.
[GROANING]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
917
00:33:24,903 --> 00:33:26,547
[GROANING]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
THERE'S SOMEBODY AT THE DOOR.
918
00:33:26,571 --> 00:33:30,551
[DOORBELL RINGS]
THERE'S SOMEBODY AT THE DOOR.
AAH!
919
00:33:30,575 --> 00:33:33,188
THERE'S SOMEBODY AT THE DOOR.
AAH!
WHY, REVEREND DANTLEY!
920
00:33:33,212 --> 00:33:33,921
AAH!
WHY, REVEREND DANTLEY!
WHAT A SURPRISE.
921
00:33:33,945 --> 00:33:35,023
WHY, REVEREND DANTLEY!
WHAT A SURPRISE.
WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE AT THIS
922
00:33:35,047 --> 00:33:35,390
WHAT A SURPRISE.
WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE AT THIS
HOUR?
923
00:33:35,414 --> 00:33:36,224
WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE AT THIS
HOUR?
I WAS JUST IN THE
924
00:33:36,248 --> 00:33:36,858
HOUR?
I WAS JUST IN THE
NEIGHBORHOOD.
925
00:33:36,882 --> 00:33:38,126
I WAS JUST IN THE
NEIGHBORHOOD.
I THOUGHT I'D SEE HOW YOU PEOPLE
926
00:33:38,150 --> 00:33:38,693
NEIGHBORHOOD.
I THOUGHT I'D SEE HOW YOU PEOPLE
ARE FARING.
927
00:33:38,717 --> 00:33:39,694
I THOUGHT I'D SEE HOW YOU PEOPLE
ARE FARING.
YOU'RE SUCH GOOD PEOPLE.
928
00:33:39,718 --> 00:33:40,628
ARE FARING.
YOU'RE SUCH GOOD PEOPLE.
OH, WE'RE JUST FINE.
929
00:33:40,652 --> 00:33:41,896
YOU'RE SUCH GOOD PEOPLE.
OH, WE'RE JUST FINE.
WON'T YOU SIT DOWN AND HAVE SOME
930
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:42,297
OH, WE'RE JUST FINE.
WON'T YOU SIT DOWN AND HAVE SOME
DINNER?
931
00:33:42,321 --> 00:33:43,531
WON'T YOU SIT DOWN AND HAVE SOME
DINNER?
WELL, I REALLY SHOULDN'T, BUT
932
00:33:43,555 --> 00:33:44,099
DINNER?
WELL, I REALLY SHOULDN'T, BUT
I SUPPOSE...
933
00:33:44,123 --> 00:33:45,266
WELL, I REALLY SHOULDN'T, BUT
I SUPPOSE...
PLEASE, WE HAVE SOME ROAST
934
00:33:45,290 --> 00:33:45,833
I SUPPOSE...
PLEASE, WE HAVE SOME ROAST
BEEF COMING.
935
00:33:45,857 --> 00:33:46,934
PLEASE, WE HAVE SOME ROAST
BEEF COMING.
WE HAVE SOME GOOD SOUP HERE.
936
00:33:46,958 --> 00:33:48,103
BEEF COMING.
WE HAVE SOME GOOD SOUP HERE.
SIT DOWN AND JOIN US.
937
00:33:48,127 --> 00:33:49,637
WE HAVE SOME GOOD SOUP HERE.
SIT DOWN AND JOIN US.
I THINK YOU TALKED ME INTO
938
00:33:49,661 --> 00:33:50,005
SIT DOWN AND JOIN US.
I THINK YOU TALKED ME INTO
IT.
939
00:33:50,029 --> 00:33:51,072
I THINK YOU TALKED ME INTO
IT.
HOW ARE YOU, JAMIE?
940
00:33:51,096 --> 00:33:52,807
IT.
HOW ARE YOU, JAMIE?
WELL, I'M HAVING KIND OF AN
941
00:33:52,831 --> 00:33:54,575
HOW ARE YOU, JAMIE?
WELL, I'M HAVING KIND OF AN
IDENTITY CRISIS, BUT I DON'T...
942
00:33:54,599 --> 00:33:57,445
WELL, I'M HAVING KIND OF AN
IDENTITY CRISIS, BUT I DON'T...
AYE-YO!
943
00:33:57,469 --> 00:33:58,846
IDENTITY CRISIS, BUT I DON'T...
AYE-YO!
HONOR THY FATHER AND THY
944
00:33:58,870 --> 00:34:00,448
AYE-YO!
HONOR THY FATHER AND THY
MOTHER, THE FOURTH COMMANDMENT.
945
00:34:00,472 --> 00:34:01,949
HONOR THY FATHER AND THY
MOTHER, THE FOURTH COMMANDMENT.
MAYBE NOW JAMIE WILL SHUT UP.
946
00:34:01,973 --> 00:34:03,418
MOTHER, THE FOURTH COMMANDMENT.
MAYBE NOW JAMIE WILL SHUT UP.
AFTER ALL, A PARENT CAN ONLY
947
00:34:03,442 --> 00:34:05,020
MAYBE NOW JAMIE WILL SHUT UP.
AFTER ALL, A PARENT CAN ONLY
TAKE SO MUCH OF THAT ADOLESCENT
948
00:34:05,044 --> 00:34:06,454
AFTER ALL, A PARENT CAN ONLY
TAKE SO MUCH OF THAT ADOLESCENT
CRAP FROM AN OVERWEIGHT WIMP
949
00:34:06,478 --> 00:34:07,088
TAKE SO MUCH OF THAT ADOLESCENT
CRAP FROM AN OVERWEIGHT WIMP
LIKE HIM.
950
00:34:07,112 --> 00:34:08,623
CRAP FROM AN OVERWEIGHT WIMP
LIKE HIM.
PERSONALLY, I'M SURPRISED THEY
951
00:34:08,647 --> 00:34:10,225
LIKE HIM.
PERSONALLY, I'M SURPRISED THEY
DIDN'T BELT THAT KID YEARS AGO.
952
00:34:10,249 --> 00:34:10,925
PERSONALLY, I'M SURPRISED THEY
DIDN'T BELT THAT KID YEARS AGO.
WHAT A BORE.
953
00:34:10,949 --> 00:34:12,360
DIDN'T BELT THAT KID YEARS AGO.
WHAT A BORE.
NOW, I'M READY FOR THAT SOUP.
954
00:34:12,384 --> 00:34:13,895
WHAT A BORE.
NOW, I'M READY FOR THAT SOUP.
HOW ARE THINGS AT THE CHURCH,
955
00:34:13,919 --> 00:34:14,496
NOW, I'M READY FOR THAT SOUP.
HOW ARE THINGS AT THE CHURCH,
REVEREND?
956
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:15,096
HOW ARE THINGS AT THE CHURCH,
REVEREND?
LOVELY.
957
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:16,264
REVEREND?
LOVELY.
MRS. CARSON HAD HER BABY.
958
00:34:16,288 --> 00:34:17,198
LOVELY.
MRS. CARSON HAD HER BABY.
IS THAT RIGHT?
959
00:34:17,222 --> 00:34:19,523
MRS. CARSON HAD HER BABY.
IS THAT RIGHT?
[APPLAUSE]
960
00:34:36,941 --> 00:34:44,159
♪ THIS FALL ♪
♪ NBC SENDS YOU ALL THE BEST ♪
HE SAID, "IF I DON'T CALL
961
00:34:44,183 --> 00:34:45,393
♪ NBC SENDS YOU ALL THE BEST ♪
HE SAID, "IF I DON'T CALL
YOU, HOW AM I GONNA SPEAK TO
962
00:34:45,417 --> 00:34:46,827
HE SAID, "IF I DON'T CALL
YOU, HOW AM I GONNA SPEAK TO
YOU?" AND I SAID, "WELL, LISTEN,
963
00:34:46,851 --> 00:34:48,163
YOU, HOW AM I GONNA SPEAK TO
YOU? "AND I SAID," WELL, LISTEN,
I JUST DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA WHY
964
00:34:48,187 --> 00:34:49,297
YOU?" AND I SAID, "WELL, LISTEN,
I JUST DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA WHY
YOU WANT TO SPEAK TO ME."
965
00:34:49,321 --> 00:34:50,898
I JUST DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA WHY
YOU WANT TO SPEAK TO ME."
Announcer: THIS FALL, NBC
966
00:34:50,922 --> 00:34:52,700
YOU WANT TO SPEAK TO ME."
Announcer: THIS FALL, NBC
PRESENTS AN EXCITING NEW MEDICAL
967
00:34:52,724 --> 00:34:53,201
Announcer: THIS FALL, NBC
PRESENTS AN EXCITING NEW MEDICAL
DRAMA.
968
00:34:53,225 --> 00:34:54,969
PRESENTS AN EXCITING NEW MEDICAL
DRAMA.
DR. ROBERT LIEBMAN, A NEW BREED
969
00:34:54,993 --> 00:34:56,371
DRAMA.
DR. ROBERT LIEBMAN, A NEW BREED
OF ANALYST, GIVES UP HIS
970
00:34:56,395 --> 00:34:58,005
DR. ROBERT LIEBMAN, A NEW BREED
OF ANALYST, GIVES UP HIS
PROFITABLE OFFICE PRACTICE TO
971
00:34:58,029 --> 00:34:59,874
OF ANALYST, GIVES UP HIS
PROFITABLE OFFICE PRACTICE TO
FIGHT DEPRESSION, NEUROSIS, AND
972
00:34:59,898 --> 00:35:01,809
PROFITABLE OFFICE PRACTICE TO
FIGHT DEPRESSION, NEUROSIS, AND
FEELINGS OF INADEQUACY NO MATTER
973
00:35:01,833 --> 00:35:03,445
FIGHT DEPRESSION, NEUROSIS, AND
FEELINGS OF INADEQUACY NO MATTER
WHERE OR WHEN THEY STRIKE.
974
00:35:03,469 --> 00:35:06,389
FEELINGS OF INADEQUACY NO MATTER
WHERE OR WHEN THEY STRIKE.
[TIRES SCREECH]
975
00:35:13,511 --> 00:35:16,124
HELLO, AL.
SORRY I'M A LITTLE BIT LATE THIS
AFTERNOON.
976
00:35:16,148 --> 00:35:17,292
SORRY I'M A LITTLE BIT LATE THIS
AFTERNOON.
HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY?
977
00:35:17,316 --> 00:35:17,792
AFTERNOON.
HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY?
FINE.
978
00:35:17,816 --> 00:35:18,560
HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY?
FINE.
THAT'S GOOD.
979
00:35:18,584 --> 00:35:19,961
FINE.
THAT'S GOOD.
Announcer: WITH A BEEMER,
980
00:35:19,985 --> 00:35:21,429
THAT'S GOOD.
Announcer: WITH A BEEMER,
COMPASSION, AND A NOTEPAD, HE
981
00:35:21,453 --> 00:35:22,830
Announcer: WITH A BEEMER,
COMPASSION, AND A NOTEPAD, HE
GOES OUT INTO THE STREETS TO
982
00:35:22,854 --> 00:35:24,299
COMPASSION, AND A NOTEPAD, HE
GOES OUT INTO THE STREETS TO
THOSE WHO NEED HELP MOST, THE
983
00:35:24,323 --> 00:35:26,267
GOES OUT INTO THE STREETS TO
THOSE WHO NEED HELP MOST, THE
OVER 5.3 MILLION AMERICANS WHO
984
00:35:26,291 --> 00:35:27,868
THOSE WHO NEED HELP MOST, THE
OVER 5.3 MILLION AMERICANS WHO
DON'T SEEK PROPER MENTAL
985
00:35:27,892 --> 00:35:28,769
OVER 5.3 MILLION AMERICANS WHO
DON'T SEEK PROPER MENTAL
HEALTHCARE.
986
00:35:28,793 --> 00:35:30,371
DON'T SEEK PROPER MENTAL
HEALTHCARE.
THE WHOLE PROBLEM YOU'VE BEEN
987
00:35:30,395 --> 00:35:31,806
HEALTHCARE.
THE WHOLE PROBLEM YOU'VE BEEN
HAVING WITH YOUR FAMILY, THE
988
00:35:31,830 --> 00:35:32,873
THE WHOLE PROBLEM YOU'VE BEEN
HAVING WITH YOUR FAMILY, THE
WIFE AND CHILDREN...
989
00:35:32,897 --> 00:35:34,476
HAVING WITH YOUR FAMILY, THE
WIFE AND CHILDREN...
SOMETHING HAS BEEN BOTHERING YOU
990
00:35:34,500 --> 00:35:34,942
WIFE AND CHILDREN...
SOMETHING HAS BEEN BOTHERING YOU
TODAY.
991
00:35:34,966 --> 00:35:37,044
SOMETHING HAS BEEN BOTHERING YOU
TODAY.
YEAH, WELL, I HAD THE SAME
992
00:35:37,068 --> 00:35:39,080
TODAY.
YEAH, WELL, I HAD THE SAME
NIGHTMARE, YOU KNOW, THE ONE
993
00:35:39,104 --> 00:35:40,948
YEAH, WELL, I HAD THE SAME
NIGHTMARE, YOU KNOW, THE ONE
ABOUT THAT SQUISHY SNAKE.
994
00:35:40,972 --> 00:35:42,450
NIGHTMARE, YOU KNOW, THE ONE
ABOUT THAT SQUISHY SNAKE.
59 CENTS.
995
00:35:42,474 --> 00:35:44,119
ABOUT THAT SQUISHY SNAKE.
59 CENTS.
Announcer: "MOBILE SHRINK."
996
00:35:44,143 --> 00:35:45,253
59 CENTS.
Announcer: "MOBILE SHRINK."
BOLDLY EXPLORING THE
997
00:35:45,277 --> 00:35:46,787
Announcer: "MOBILE SHRINK."
BOLDLY EXPLORING THE
SUBCONSCIOUS, BREAKING DOWN
998
00:35:46,811 --> 00:35:47,922
BOLDLY EXPLORING THE
SUBCONSCIOUS, BREAKING DOWN
DEFENSE MECHANISMS,
999
00:35:47,946 --> 00:35:49,491
SUBCONSCIOUS, BREAKING DOWN
DEFENSE MECHANISMS,
RESTRUCTURING ANXIETIES, AND
1000
00:35:49,515 --> 00:35:51,058
DEFENSE MECHANISMS,
RESTRUCTURING ANXIETIES, AND
REINTEGRATING THE BEHAVIORAL
1001
00:35:51,082 --> 00:35:52,360
RESTRUCTURING ANXIETIES, AND
REINTEGRATING THE BEHAVIORAL
CHARACTERISTICS OF THE
1002
00:35:52,384 --> 00:35:55,430
REINTEGRATING THE BEHAVIORAL
CHARACTERISTICS OF THE
INDIVIDUAL.
1003
00:35:55,454 --> 00:35:58,266
CHARACTERISTICS OF THE
INDIVIDUAL.
HOW MUCH IS THE AVOCADOS?
1004
00:35:58,290 --> 00:35:59,601
INDIVIDUAL.
HOW MUCH IS THE AVOCADOS?
IT'S A SIMPLE RORSCHACH TEST.
1005
00:35:59,625 --> 00:36:01,002
HOW MUCH IS THE AVOCADOS?
IT'S A SIMPLE RORSCHACH TEST.
JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE ON THE
1006
00:36:01,026 --> 00:36:02,237
IT'S A SIMPLE RORSCHACH TEST.
JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE ON THE
CARD, WHATEVER COMES TO YOUR
1007
00:36:02,261 --> 00:36:02,604
JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE ON THE
CARD, WHATEVER COMES TO YOUR
MIND.
1008
00:36:02,628 --> 00:36:03,371
CARD, WHATEVER COMES TO YOUR
MIND.
I SEE A RAT.
1009
00:36:03,395 --> 00:36:04,672
MIND.
I SEE A RAT.
Announcer: "MOBILE SHRINK."
1010
00:36:04,696 --> 00:36:06,508
I SEE A RAT.
Announcer: "MOBILE SHRINK."
COMBINING THE WISDOM OF FREUD,
1011
00:36:06,532 --> 00:36:08,276
Announcer: "MOBILE SHRINK."
COMBINING THE WISDOM OF FREUD,
THE CLARITY OF JUNG, AND THE
1012
00:36:08,300 --> 00:36:09,377
COMBINING THE WISDOM OF FREUD,
THE CLARITY OF JUNG, AND THE
HUMAN INSIGHT OF
1013
00:36:09,401 --> 00:36:11,446
THE CLARITY OF JUNG, AND THE
HUMAN INSIGHT OF
DR. JOYCE BROTHERS.
1014
00:36:11,470 --> 00:36:12,947
HUMAN INSIGHT OF
DR. JOYCE BROTHERS.
THIS ONE?
1015
00:36:12,971 --> 00:36:17,852
DR. JOYCE BROTHERS.
THIS ONE?
UH, I SEE A BAT.
1016
00:36:17,876 --> 00:36:20,276
THIS ONE?
UH, I SEE A BAT.
LOOK AT THE LAST ONE HERE.
1017
00:36:24,215 --> 00:36:28,929
Announcer: "MOBILE SHRINK."
HE WENT OUTSIDE TO HELP PEOPLE
GO INSIDE.
1018
00:36:28,953 --> 00:36:30,931
HE WENT OUTSIDE TO HELP PEOPLE
GO INSIDE.
INSIDE THEMSELVES, DEEPER THAN
1019
00:36:30,955 --> 00:36:32,634
GO INSIDE.
INSIDE THEMSELVES, DEEPER THAN
THEY'VE EVER BEEN BEFORE.
1020
00:36:32,658 --> 00:36:34,469
INSIDE THEMSELVES, DEEPER THAN
THEY'VE EVER BEEN BEFORE.
DOWN INTO THE DEPTHS OF THE
1021
00:36:34,493 --> 00:36:36,304
THEY'VE EVER BEEN BEFORE.
DOWN INTO THE DEPTHS OF THE
PSYCHE, UPROOTING THE BASIC
1022
00:36:36,328 --> 00:36:37,838
DOWN INTO THE DEPTHS OF THE
PSYCHE, UPROOTING THE BASIC
FEARS THAT BLOCK THEIR
1023
00:36:37,862 --> 00:36:39,707
PSYCHE, UPROOTING THE BASIC
FEARS THAT BLOCK THEIR
HAPPINESS.
1024
00:36:39,731 --> 00:36:41,075
FEARS THAT BLOCK THEIR
HAPPINESS.
LET'S GET BACK TO THE
1025
00:36:41,099 --> 00:36:42,544
HAPPINESS.
LET'S GET BACK TO THE
SEPARATION OF YOU AND YOUR
1026
00:36:42,568 --> 00:36:43,144
LET'S GET BACK TO THE
SEPARATION OF YOU AND YOUR
PARENTS!
1027
00:36:43,168 --> 00:36:44,745
SEPARATION OF YOU AND YOUR
PARENTS!
HOW OLD WERE YOU AT THE TIME?
1028
00:36:44,769 --> 00:36:47,482
PARENTS!
HOW OLD WERE YOU AT THE TIME?
I'M 47!
1029
00:36:47,506 --> 00:36:48,783
HOW OLD WERE YOU AT THE TIME?
I'M 47!
WHAT?
1030
00:36:48,807 --> 00:36:49,950
I'M 47!
WHAT?
47!
1031
00:36:49,974 --> 00:36:51,386
WHAT?
47!
HOW OLD WERE YOU?!
1032
00:36:51,410 --> 00:36:52,387
47!
HOW OLD WERE YOU?!
WHEN?!
1033
00:36:52,411 --> 00:36:54,522
HOW OLD WERE YOU?!
WHEN?!
WHEN YOUR PARENTS SEPARATED,
1034
00:36:54,546 --> 00:36:55,823
WHEN?!
WHEN YOUR PARENTS SEPARATED,
HOW OLD WERE YOU?
1035
00:36:55,847 --> 00:36:56,791
WHEN YOUR PARENTS SEPARATED,
HOW OLD WERE YOU?
I WAS 4!
1036
00:36:56,815 --> 00:36:58,693
HOW OLD WERE YOU?
I WAS 4!
OKAY!
1037
00:36:58,717 --> 00:37:00,828
I WAS 4!
OKAY!
HOW DID YOU FEEL... ANY ANXIETY,
1038
00:37:00,852 --> 00:37:01,462
OKAY!
HOW DID YOU FEEL... ANY ANXIETY,
ANY...
1039
00:37:01,486 --> 00:37:02,363
HOW DID YOU FEEL... ANY ANXIETY,
ANY...
ANXIOUS.
1040
00:37:02,387 --> 00:37:03,164
ANY...
ANXIOUS.
ANGER?
1041
00:37:03,188 --> 00:37:04,098
ANXIOUS.
ANGER?
ANXIOUS!
1042
00:37:04,122 --> 00:37:04,999
ANGER?
ANXIOUS!
LET IT OUT!
1043
00:37:05,023 --> 00:37:06,167
ANXIOUS!
LET IT OUT!
ANXIOUS!
1044
00:37:06,191 --> 00:37:07,468
LET IT OUT!
ANXIOUS!
Announcer: "MOBILE SHRINK."
1045
00:37:07,492 --> 00:37:09,970
ANXIOUS!
Announcer: "MOBILE SHRINK."
COMING TO NBC THIS FALL.
1046
00:37:09,994 --> 00:37:14,242
Announcer: "MOBILE SHRINK."
COMING TO NBC THIS FALL.
♪ ALL THE BEST ON NBC ♪
1047
00:37:14,266 --> 00:37:16,110
COMING TO NBC THIS FALL.
♪ ALL THE BEST ON NBC ♪
[APPLAUSE]
1048
00:37:16,134 --> 00:37:22,917
♪ ALL THE BEST ON NBC ♪
[APPLAUSE]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
1049
00:37:22,941 --> 00:37:24,485
[APPLAUSE]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
GOOD EVENING AND WELCOME TO
1050
00:37:24,509 --> 00:37:25,920
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
GOOD EVENING AND WELCOME TO
"HOW THINGS WORK," THE SHOW
1051
00:37:25,944 --> 00:37:27,188
GOOD EVENING AND WELCOME TO
"HOW THINGS WORK," THE SHOW
DESIGNED TO HELP PEOPLE
1052
00:37:27,212 --> 00:37:28,823
"HOW THINGS WORK," THE SHOW
DESIGNED TO HELP PEOPLE
UNDERSTAND JUST HOW OUR SOCIETY
1053
00:37:28,847 --> 00:37:29,490
DESIGNED TO HELP PEOPLE
UNDERSTAND JUST HOW OUR SOCIETY
FUNCTIONS.
1054
00:37:29,514 --> 00:37:30,625
UNDERSTAND JUST HOW OUR SOCIETY
FUNCTIONS.
OUR GUEST TODAY IS
1055
00:37:30,649 --> 00:37:32,393
FUNCTIONS.
OUR GUEST TODAY IS
MR. MERLE TADBURNEY, INDEPENDENT
1056
00:37:32,417 --> 00:37:34,061
OUR GUEST TODAY IS
MR. MERLE TADBURNEY, INDEPENDENT
COORDINATOR OF PRESSURE GROUP
1057
00:37:34,085 --> 00:37:34,729
MR. MERLE TADBURNEY, INDEPENDENT
COORDINATOR OF PRESSURE GROUP
ACTIVITY.
1058
00:37:34,753 --> 00:37:36,531
COORDINATOR OF PRESSURE GROUP
ACTIVITY.
MR. TADBURNEY, COULD YOU EXPLAIN
1059
00:37:36,555 --> 00:37:37,998
ACTIVITY.
MR. TADBURNEY, COULD YOU EXPLAIN
HOW PRESSURE GROUPS WORK?
1060
00:37:38,022 --> 00:37:39,701
MR. TADBURNEY, COULD YOU EXPLAIN
HOW PRESSURE GROUPS WORK?
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU TELL YOUR
1061
00:37:39,725 --> 00:37:41,269
HOW PRESSURE GROUPS WORK?
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU TELL YOUR
AUDIENCE EXACTLY HOW I GOT ON
1062
00:37:41,293 --> 00:37:42,337
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU TELL YOUR
AUDIENCE EXACTLY HOW I GOT ON
YOUR SHOW TONIGHT?
1063
00:37:42,361 --> 00:37:44,004
AUDIENCE EXACTLY HOW I GOT ON
YOUR SHOW TONIGHT?
WELL, UH, WE RECEIVED
1064
00:37:44,028 --> 00:37:45,940
YOUR SHOW TONIGHT?
WELL, UH, WE RECEIVED
THOUSANDS OF LETTERS FROM ALL
1065
00:37:45,964 --> 00:37:48,075
WELL, UH, WE RECEIVED
THOUSANDS OF LETTERS FROM ALL
OVER THE COUNTRY REQUESTING THAT
1066
00:37:48,099 --> 00:37:50,144
THOUSANDS OF LETTERS FROM ALL
OVER THE COUNTRY REQUESTING THAT
WE DO A SHOW ON HOW THINGS WORK
1067
00:37:50,168 --> 00:37:52,247
OVER THE COUNTRY REQUESTING THAT
WE DO A SHOW ON HOW THINGS WORK
AND PRESSURE GROUPS, AND MOST OF
1068
00:37:52,271 --> 00:37:54,249
WE DO A SHOW ON HOW THINGS WORK
AND PRESSURE GROUPS, AND MOST OF
THE LETTERS SINGLED YOU OUT AS
1069
00:37:54,273 --> 00:37:56,217
AND PRESSURE GROUPS, AND MOST OF
THE LETTERS SINGLED YOU OUT AS
THE FOREMOST AUTHORITY ON THE
1070
00:37:56,241 --> 00:37:56,951
THE LETTERS SINGLED YOU OUT AS
THE FOREMOST AUTHORITY ON THE
SUBJECT.
1071
00:37:56,975 --> 00:37:58,286
THE FOREMOST AUTHORITY ON THE
SUBJECT.
THAT'S RIGHT, AND THEY WERE
1072
00:37:58,310 --> 00:37:59,687
SUBJECT.
THAT'S RIGHT, AND THEY WERE
ALL BOGUS LETTERS SENT OUT BY MY
1073
00:37:59,711 --> 00:38:01,088
THAT'S RIGHT, AND THEY WERE
ALL BOGUS LETTERS SENT OUT BY MY
ORGANIZATION, JUST TO GET ME ON
1074
00:38:01,112 --> 00:38:01,956
ALL BOGUS LETTERS SENT OUT BY MY
ORGANIZATION, JUST TO GET ME ON
YOUR SHOW TONIGHT.
1075
00:38:01,980 --> 00:38:03,658
ORGANIZATION, JUST TO GET ME ON
YOUR SHOW TONIGHT.
DO YOU MEAN THAT THERE'S NO
1076
00:38:03,682 --> 00:38:05,226
YOUR SHOW TONIGHT.
DO YOU MEAN THAT THERE'S NO
ONE OUT THERE WHO IS REALLY
1077
00:38:05,250 --> 00:38:06,927
DO YOU MEAN THAT THERE'S NO
ONE OUT THERE WHO IS REALLY
INTERESTED IN PRESSURE GROUPS?
1078
00:38:06,951 --> 00:38:08,129
ONE OUT THERE WHO IS REALLY
INTERESTED IN PRESSURE GROUPS?
WELL, I COULDN'T BE SURE OF
1079
00:38:08,153 --> 00:38:08,496
INTERESTED IN PRESSURE GROUPS?
WELL, I COULDN'T BE SURE OF
THAT.
1080
00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:09,664
WELL, I COULDN'T BE SURE OF
THAT.
I PERSONALLY NEVER MET ANYONE
1081
00:38:09,688 --> 00:38:10,898
THAT.
I PERSONALLY NEVER MET ANYONE
WHO WAS INTERESTED IN PRESSURE
1082
00:38:10,922 --> 00:38:11,899
I PERSONALLY NEVER MET ANYONE
WHO WAS INTERESTED IN PRESSURE
GROUPS OR HOW THEY WORK.
1083
00:38:11,923 --> 00:38:13,200
WHO WAS INTERESTED IN PRESSURE
GROUPS OR HOW THEY WORK.
WELL, I CERTAINLY AM
1084
00:38:13,224 --> 00:38:14,902
GROUPS OR HOW THEY WORK.
WELL, I CERTAINLY AM
IMPRESSED, AND OUR PRODUCER FELL
1085
00:38:14,926 --> 00:38:16,504
WELL, I CERTAINLY AM
IMPRESSED, AND OUR PRODUCER FELL
FOR IT HOOK, LINE, AND SINKER.
1086
00:38:16,528 --> 00:38:17,605
IMPRESSED, AND OUR PRODUCER FELL
FOR IT HOOK, LINE, AND SINKER.
WELL, THANK YOU.
1087
00:38:17,629 --> 00:38:19,173
FOR IT HOOK, LINE, AND SINKER.
WELL, THANK YOU.
WE'VE WORKED LONG AND HARD TO
1088
00:38:19,197 --> 00:38:20,341
WELL, THANK YOU.
WE'VE WORKED LONG AND HARD TO
DEVELOP AN EFFECTIVE
1089
00:38:20,365 --> 00:38:22,042
WE'VE WORKED LONG AND HARD TO
DEVELOP AN EFFECTIVE
PHONY-LETTER CAMPAIGN THAT WORKS
1090
00:38:22,066 --> 00:38:23,645
DEVELOP AN EFFECTIVE
PHONY-LETTER CAMPAIGN THAT WORKS
EVERY TIME, AND WE'RE PROUD OF
1091
00:38:23,669 --> 00:38:24,011
PHONY-LETTER CAMPAIGN THAT WORKS
EVERY TIME, AND WE'RE PROUD OF
IT.
1092
00:38:24,035 --> 00:38:25,313
EVERY TIME, AND WE'RE PROUD OF
IT.
WELL, SWELL.
1093
00:38:25,337 --> 00:38:26,748
IT.
WELL, SWELL.
WHAT ORGANIZATIONS DO YOU
1094
00:38:26,772 --> 00:38:27,448
WELL, SWELL.
WHAT ORGANIZATIONS DO YOU
REPRESENT?
1095
00:38:27,472 --> 00:38:29,049
WHAT ORGANIZATIONS DO YOU
REPRESENT?
WELL, I WORK FOR A LOT OF
1096
00:38:29,073 --> 00:38:30,618
REPRESENT?
WELL, I WORK FOR A LOT OF
ETHNIC GROUPS SUCH AS THE...
1097
00:38:30,642 --> 00:38:32,219
WELL, I WORK FOR A LOT OF
ETHNIC GROUPS SUCH AS THE...
WELL, THERE'S ONE CALLED THE
1098
00:38:32,243 --> 00:38:33,988
ETHNIC GROUPS SUCH AS THE...
WELL, THERE'S ONE CALLED THE
ITALIANS FOR AFFIRMATIVE ACTION.
1099
00:38:34,012 --> 00:38:35,556
WELL, THERE'S ONE CALLED THE
ITALIANS FOR AFFIRMATIVE ACTION.
THEY'RE UPSET EVERY TIME THE
1100
00:38:35,580 --> 00:38:37,191
ITALIANS FOR AFFIRMATIVE ACTION.
THEY'RE UPSET EVERY TIME THE
STEREOTYPE OF AN ITALIAN AS A
1101
00:38:37,215 --> 00:38:38,859
THEY'RE UPSET EVERY TIME THE
STEREOTYPE OF AN ITALIAN AS A
MEMBER OF THE MAFIA IS USED IN
1102
00:38:38,883 --> 00:38:40,461
STEREOTYPE OF AN ITALIAN AS A
MEMBER OF THE MAFIA IS USED IN
THE MEDIA, AND SO WE EDUCATE
1103
00:38:40,485 --> 00:38:42,129
MEMBER OF THE MAFIA IS USED IN
THE MEDIA, AND SO WE EDUCATE
PEOPLE BY POINTING OUT SEVERAL
1104
00:38:42,153 --> 00:38:43,898
THE MEDIA, AND SO WE EDUCATE
PEOPLE BY POINTING OUT SEVERAL
SUCCESSFUL ITALIAN-AMERICANS WHO
1105
00:38:43,922 --> 00:38:45,433
PEOPLE BY POINTING OUT SEVERAL
SUCCESSFUL ITALIAN-AMERICANS WHO
HAVE NO CONNECTION WITH THE
1106
00:38:45,457 --> 00:38:46,301
SUCCESSFUL ITALIAN-AMERICANS WHO
HAVE NO CONNECTION WITH THE
MAFIA AT ALL.
1107
00:38:46,325 --> 00:38:47,702
HAVE NO CONNECTION WITH THE
MAFIA AT ALL.
LIKE FRANK SINATRA.
1108
00:38:47,726 --> 00:38:48,569
MAFIA AT ALL.
LIKE FRANK SINATRA.
OH, I SEE.
1109
00:38:48,593 --> 00:38:50,271
LIKE FRANK SINATRA.
OH, I SEE.
ARE THEY ALSO CONCERNED ABOUT
1110
00:38:50,295 --> 00:38:51,272
OH, I SEE.
ARE THEY ALSO CONCERNED ABOUT
DEMEANING JOKES?
1111
00:38:51,296 --> 00:38:51,839
ARE THEY ALSO CONCERNED ABOUT
DEMEANING JOKES?
NO.
1112
00:38:51,863 --> 00:38:53,608
DEMEANING JOKES?
NO.
THEY HAVE QUITE A GOOD SENSE OF
1113
00:38:53,632 --> 00:38:55,276
NO.
THEY HAVE QUITE A GOOD SENSE OF
HUMOR, BUT THERE IS ONE GROUP
1114
00:38:55,300 --> 00:38:56,977
THEY HAVE QUITE A GOOD SENSE OF
HUMOR, BUT THERE IS ONE GROUP
THAT IS RATHER SENSITIVE ABOUT
1115
00:38:57,001 --> 00:38:58,646
HUMOR, BUT THERE IS ONE GROUP
THAT IS RATHER SENSITIVE ABOUT
THAT SORT OF THING, BEING THE
1116
00:38:58,670 --> 00:39:00,481
THAT IS RATHER SENSITIVE ABOUT
THAT SORT OF THING, BEING THE
BRUNT OF ETHNIC JOKES, YOU MIGHT
1117
00:39:00,505 --> 00:39:00,915
THAT SORT OF THING, BEING THE
BRUNT OF ETHNIC JOKES, YOU MIGHT
SAY.
1118
00:39:00,939 --> 00:39:02,450
BRUNT OF ETHNIC JOKES, YOU MIGHT
SAY.
ARE YOU REFERRING TO A
1119
00:39:02,474 --> 00:39:04,319
SAY.
ARE YOU REFERRING TO A
CERTAIN EASTERN-EUROPEAN GROUP?
1120
00:39:04,343 --> 00:39:05,653
ARE YOU REFERRING TO A
CERTAIN EASTERN-EUROPEAN GROUP?
YES, THAT'S RIGHT.
1121
00:39:05,677 --> 00:39:07,522
CERTAIN EASTERN-EUROPEAN GROUP?
YES, THAT'S RIGHT.
I THINK EVERYONE KNOWS THAT I'M
1122
00:39:07,546 --> 00:39:08,589
YES, THAT'S RIGHT.
I THINK EVERYONE KNOWS THAT I'M
REFERRING TO THE
1123
00:39:08,613 --> 00:39:09,691
I THINK EVERYONE KNOWS THAT I'M
REFERRING TO THE
SERBO-CROATIANS.
1124
00:39:09,715 --> 00:39:11,392
REFERRING TO THE
SERBO-CROATIANS.
AND IF A SERBO-CROATIAN JOKE
1125
00:39:11,416 --> 00:39:13,194
SERBO-CROATIANS.
AND IF A SERBO-CROATIAN JOKE
APPEARS ON TELEVISION, WE MAKE
1126
00:39:13,218 --> 00:39:14,829
AND IF A SERBO-CROATIAN JOKE
APPEARS ON TELEVISION, WE MAKE
SURE THE NETWORKS KNOW THAT
1127
00:39:14,853 --> 00:39:16,263
APPEARS ON TELEVISION, WE MAKE
SURE THE NETWORKS KNOW THAT
MILLIONS OF VIEWERS ARE
1128
00:39:16,287 --> 00:39:17,665
SURE THE NETWORKS KNOW THAT
MILLIONS OF VIEWERS ARE
OUTRAGED, MOST OF THEM
1129
00:39:17,689 --> 00:39:18,599
MILLIONS OF VIEWERS ARE
OUTRAGED, MOST OF THEM
SERBO-CROATS.
1130
00:39:18,623 --> 00:39:20,501
OUTRAGED, MOST OF THEM
SERBO-CROATS.
WELL, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO
1131
00:39:20,525 --> 00:39:21,869
SERBO-CROATS.
WELL, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO
MAY NOT KNOW WHAT A
1132
00:39:21,893 --> 00:39:23,771
WELL, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO
MAY NOT KNOW WHAT A
SERBO-CROATIAN JOKE IS, MAYBE
1133
00:39:23,795 --> 00:39:25,573
MAY NOT KNOW WHAT A
SERBO-CROATIAN JOKE IS, MAYBE
YOU COULD POSSIBLY EXPLAIN.
1134
00:39:25,597 --> 00:39:26,874
SERBO-CROATIAN JOKE IS, MAYBE
YOU COULD POSSIBLY EXPLAIN.
WELL, THAT WOULD BE SORT OF
1135
00:39:26,898 --> 00:39:27,975
YOU COULD POSSIBLY EXPLAIN.
WELL, THAT WOULD BE SORT OF
ACTING AT CROSS PURPOSES,
1136
00:39:27,999 --> 00:39:28,609
WELL, THAT WOULD BE SORT OF
ACTING AT CROSS PURPOSES,
WOULDN'T IT?
1137
00:39:28,633 --> 00:39:29,910
ACTING AT CROSS PURPOSES,
WOULDN'T IT?
BECAUSE THEN I WOULD BE ACTING
1138
00:39:29,934 --> 00:39:31,245
WOULDN'T IT?
BECAUSE THEN I WOULD BE ACTING
AGAINST THE BEHALF OF ONE OF MY
1139
00:39:31,269 --> 00:39:32,580
BECAUSE THEN I WOULD BE ACTING
AGAINST THE BEHALF OF ONE OF MY
CLIENTS, BUT I CAN TELL YOU ONE
1140
00:39:32,604 --> 00:39:33,214
AGAINST THE BEHALF OF ONE OF MY
CLIENTS, BUT I CAN TELL YOU ONE
LITTLE JOKE.
1141
00:39:33,238 --> 00:39:35,850
CLIENTS, BUT I CAN TELL YOU ONE
LITTLE JOKE.
WHY DO A CERTAIN TYPE OF PEOPLE
1142
00:39:35,874 --> 00:39:37,652
LITTLE JOKE.
WHY DO A CERTAIN TYPE OF PEOPLE
MAKE BAD DRUGGISTS?
1143
00:39:37,676 --> 00:39:38,720
WHY DO A CERTAIN TYPE OF PEOPLE
MAKE BAD DRUGGISTS?
I DON'T KNOW. WHY?
1144
00:39:38,744 --> 00:39:40,154
MAKE BAD DRUGGISTS?
I DON'T KNOW. WHY?
BECAUSE WHEN THEY MAKE OUT
1145
00:39:40,178 --> 00:39:41,522
I DON'T KNOW. WHY?
BECAUSE WHEN THEY MAKE OUT
THE PRESCRIPTIONS, THEY KEEP
1146
00:39:41,546 --> 00:39:42,990
BECAUSE WHEN THEY MAKE OUT
THE PRESCRIPTIONS, THEY KEEP
BREAKING THE LITTLE BOTTLES IN
1147
00:39:43,014 --> 00:39:43,825
THE PRESCRIPTIONS, THEY KEEP
BREAKING THE LITTLE BOTTLES IN
THE TYPEWRITER.
1148
00:39:43,849 --> 00:39:45,159
BREAKING THE LITTLE BOTTLES IN
THE TYPEWRITER.
[LAUGHS]
1149
00:39:45,183 --> 00:39:46,527
THE TYPEWRITER.
[LAUGHS]
WELL, I THINK WE'VE JUST ABOUT
1150
00:39:46,551 --> 00:39:47,895
[LAUGHS]
WELL, I THINK WE'VE JUST ABOUT
RUN OUT OF TIME, AND I WANT TO
1151
00:39:47,919 --> 00:39:49,263
WELL, I THINK WE'VE JUST ABOUT
RUN OUT OF TIME, AND I WANT TO
THANK YOU, MERLE, FOR BEING ON
1152
00:39:49,287 --> 00:39:50,164
RUN OUT OF TIME, AND I WANT TO
THANK YOU, MERLE, FOR BEING ON
"HOW THINGS WORK."
1153
00:39:50,188 --> 00:39:51,532
THANK YOU, MERLE, FOR BEING ON
"HOW THINGS WORK."
WELL, IT'S NICE BEING HERE,
1154
00:39:51,556 --> 00:39:52,700
"HOW THINGS WORK."
WELL, IT'S NICE BEING HERE,
AND WHEN YOU LOOK AT YOUR
1155
00:39:52,724 --> 00:39:54,001
WELL, IT'S NICE BEING HERE,
AND WHEN YOU LOOK AT YOUR
RATINGS, I THINK YOU'LL GET A
1156
00:39:54,025 --> 00:39:54,836
AND WHEN YOU LOOK AT YOUR
RATINGS, I THINK YOU'LL GET A
LITTLE SURPRISE.
1157
00:39:54,860 --> 00:39:56,170
RATINGS, I THINK YOU'LL GET A
LITTLE SURPRISE.
[LAUGHS]
1158
00:39:56,194 --> 00:39:57,972
LITTLE SURPRISE.
[LAUGHS]
TUNE IN NEXT WEEK WHEN SENATOR
1159
00:39:57,996 --> 00:39:59,474
[LAUGHS]
TUNE IN NEXT WEEK WHEN SENATOR
BOB DOLE EXPLAINS HOW TV
1160
00:39:59,498 --> 00:40:00,508
TUNE IN NEXT WEEK WHEN SENATOR
BOB DOLE EXPLAINS HOW TV
DEBATING WORKS.
1161
00:40:00,532 --> 00:40:02,377
BOB DOLE EXPLAINS HOW TV
DEBATING WORKS.
AND NOW HERE'S THIS WEEK'S FILM
1162
00:40:02,401 --> 00:40:04,345
DEBATING WORKS.
AND NOW HERE'S THIS WEEK'S FILM
BY GARY WEIS.
1163
00:40:04,369 --> 00:40:07,615
AND NOW HERE'S THIS WEEK'S FILM
BY GARY WEIS.
[APPLAUSE]
1164
00:40:07,639 --> 00:40:10,585
BY GARY WEIS.
[APPLAUSE]
[WOMAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
1165
00:40:10,609 --> 00:40:14,221
[APPLAUSE]
[WOMAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
AND WE FIND THAT TRICKS AND
1166
00:40:14,245 --> 00:40:17,958
[WOMAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
AND WE FIND THAT TRICKS AND
JOKES HAVE BECOME LARGER AND
1167
00:40:17,982 --> 00:40:21,796
AND WE FIND THAT TRICKS AND
JOKES HAVE BECOME LARGER AND
LARGER SINCE WE HAVE STARTED.
1168
00:40:21,820 --> 00:40:23,398
JOKES HAVE BECOME LARGER AND
LARGER SINCE WE HAVE STARTED.
AND, OF COURSE...
1169
00:40:23,422 --> 00:40:24,399
LARGER SINCE WE HAVE STARTED.
AND, OF COURSE...
[PBHT!]
1170
00:40:24,423 --> 00:40:25,633
AND, OF COURSE...
[PBHT!]
OH, MY GOODNESS.
1171
00:40:25,657 --> 00:40:27,668
[PBHT!]
OH, MY GOODNESS.
THIS IS FUNNY.
1172
00:40:27,692 --> 00:40:30,304
OH, MY GOODNESS.
THIS IS FUNNY.
THIS IS A POO-POO CUSHION.
1173
00:40:30,328 --> 00:40:33,641
THIS IS FUNNY.
THIS IS A POO-POO CUSHION.
AND IT'S ONE OF OUR VERY, VERY
1174
00:40:33,665 --> 00:40:35,810
THIS IS A POO-POO CUSHION.
AND IT'S ONE OF OUR VERY, VERY
LARGE NUMBERS...
1175
00:40:35,834 --> 00:40:40,147
AND IT'S ONE OF OUR VERY, VERY
LARGE NUMBERS...
AND LOTS OF FUN AT PARTIES...
1176
00:40:40,171 --> 00:40:43,317
LARGE NUMBERS...
AND LOTS OF FUN AT PARTIES...
AND PRACTICAL JOKES AT HOME.
1177
00:40:43,341 --> 00:40:45,386
AND LOTS OF FUN AT PARTIES...
AND PRACTICAL JOKES AT HOME.
THESE ARE INSECTS.
1178
00:40:45,410 --> 00:40:48,523
AND PRACTICAL JOKES AT HOME.
THESE ARE INSECTS.
THIS IS USED IN SALADS, OR YOU
1179
00:40:48,547 --> 00:40:50,491
THESE ARE INSECTS.
THIS IS USED IN SALADS, OR YOU
COULD ON A TABLE.
1180
00:40:50,515 --> 00:40:53,795
THIS IS USED IN SALADS, OR YOU
COULD ON A TABLE.
AND NATURALLY, PEOPLE THINK THAT
1181
00:40:53,819 --> 00:40:56,230
COULD ON A TABLE.
AND NATURALLY, PEOPLE THINK THAT
YOU'RE NOT SO CLEAN.
1182
00:40:56,254 --> 00:41:00,835
AND NATURALLY, PEOPLE THINK THAT
YOU'RE NOT SO CLEAN.
HERE WE HAVE THE BLOODY WORM,
1183
00:41:00,859 --> 00:41:04,038
YOU'RE NOT SO CLEAN.
HERE WE HAVE THE BLOODY WORM,
WHICH IS ALSO USED IN SALADS
1184
00:41:04,062 --> 00:41:06,140
HERE WE HAVE THE BLOODY WORM,
WHICH IS ALSO USED IN SALADS
OR ON THE TABLE.
1185
00:41:06,164 --> 00:41:08,008
WHICH IS ALSO USED IN SALADS
OR ON THE TABLE.
AND NATURALLY WHEN THE PEOPLE
1186
00:41:08,032 --> 00:41:11,946
OR ON THE TABLE.
AND NATURALLY WHEN THE PEOPLE
SEE THAT, THEY SHUDDER AND GET
1187
00:41:11,970 --> 00:41:12,947
AND NATURALLY WHEN THE PEOPLE
SEE THAT, THEY SHUDDER AND GET
SCARED.
1188
00:41:12,971 --> 00:41:15,883
SEE THAT, THEY SHUDDER AND GET
SCARED.
HERE IS ONE OF OUR TERRIFIC
1189
00:41:15,907 --> 00:41:17,051
SCARED.
HERE IS ONE OF OUR TERRIFIC
NUMBERS.
1190
00:41:17,075 --> 00:41:19,887
HERE IS ONE OF OUR TERRIFIC
NUMBERS.
THE JUMBO RAT, WE CALL IT.
1191
00:41:19,911 --> 00:41:24,091
NUMBERS.
THE JUMBO RAT, WE CALL IT.
THIS IS A PEANUT BRITTLE CAN.
1192
00:41:24,115 --> 00:41:28,563
THE JUMBO RAT, WE CALL IT.
THIS IS A PEANUT BRITTLE CAN.
THIS I PERSONALLY PLAYED ON SOME
1193
00:41:28,587 --> 00:41:30,598
THIS IS A PEANUT BRITTLE CAN.
THIS I PERSONALLY PLAYED ON SOME
OF MY FRIENDS AT THE BEACH.
1194
00:41:30,622 --> 00:41:32,733
THIS I PERSONALLY PLAYED ON SOME
OF MY FRIENDS AT THE BEACH.
WE WERE HAVING A PARTY, AND I
1195
00:41:32,757 --> 00:41:34,936
OF MY FRIENDS AT THE BEACH.
WE WERE HAVING A PARTY, AND I
PRESENTED THIS TO THE HOSTESS,
1196
00:41:34,960 --> 00:41:37,905
WE WERE HAVING A PARTY, AND I
PRESENTED THIS TO THE HOSTESS,
AND WHEN SHE OPENED IT UP...
1197
00:41:37,929 --> 00:41:40,741
PRESENTED THIS TO THE HOSTESS,
AND WHEN SHE OPENED IT UP...
THREE BIG SNAKES CAME OUT.
1198
00:41:40,765 --> 00:41:43,143
AND WHEN SHE OPENED IT UP...
THREE BIG SNAKES CAME OUT.
AND IT WAS THE LAUGH OF THE
1199
00:41:43,167 --> 00:41:44,311
THREE BIG SNAKES CAME OUT.
AND IT WAS THE LAUGH OF THE
PARTY.
1200
00:41:44,335 --> 00:41:47,515
AND IT WAS THE LAUGH OF THE
PARTY.
THIS IS A TERRIFIC NUMBER.
1201
00:41:47,539 --> 00:41:48,916
PARTY.
THIS IS A TERRIFIC NUMBER.
THE BLACK SOAP.
1202
00:41:48,940 --> 00:41:50,685
THIS IS A TERRIFIC NUMBER.
THE BLACK SOAP.
IT LOOKS LIKE AN ORDINARY CAKE
1203
00:41:50,709 --> 00:41:53,888
THE BLACK SOAP.
IT LOOKS LIKE AN ORDINARY CAKE
OF SOAP, AND WHEN THEY WASH
1204
00:41:53,912 --> 00:41:56,991
IT LOOKS LIKE AN ORDINARY CAKE
OF SOAP, AND WHEN THEY WASH
THEIR HANDS, YOUR HANDS TURN
1205
00:41:57,015 --> 00:41:58,659
OF SOAP, AND WHEN THEY WASH
THEIR HANDS, YOUR HANDS TURN
BLACK.
1206
00:41:58,683 --> 00:42:00,828
THEIR HANDS, YOUR HANDS TURN
BLACK.
AND OF COURSE THEY GET VERY
1207
00:42:00,852 --> 00:42:04,398
BLACK.
AND OF COURSE THEY GET VERY
FRIGHTENED AND EXCITED OVER IT.
1208
00:42:04,422 --> 00:42:06,333
AND OF COURSE THEY GET VERY
FRIGHTENED AND EXCITED OVER IT.
THIS LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME AS
1209
00:42:06,357 --> 00:42:08,936
FRIGHTENED AND EXCITED OVER IT.
THIS LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME AS
THE BLACK SOAP, BUT THIS IS THE
1210
00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:10,505
THIS LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME AS
THE BLACK SOAP, BUT THIS IS THE
BLOODY SOAP.
1211
00:42:10,529 --> 00:42:13,140
THE BLACK SOAP, BUT THIS IS THE
BLOODY SOAP.
WE ALSO HAVE A HAND.
1212
00:42:13,164 --> 00:42:18,379
BLOODY SOAP.
WE ALSO HAVE A HAND.
I'D LOVE TO SHOW YOU THE HAND.
1213
00:42:18,403 --> 00:42:20,648
WE ALSO HAVE A HAND.
I'D LOVE TO SHOW YOU THE HAND.
YOU CAN PLACE THIS UNDER A
1214
00:42:20,672 --> 00:42:23,317
I'D LOVE TO SHOW YOU THE HAND.
YOU CAN PLACE THIS UNDER A
BLANKET JUST SO.
1215
00:42:23,341 --> 00:42:25,953
YOU CAN PLACE THIS UNDER A
BLANKET JUST SO.
BUT NOBODY BEING IN THE BED.
1216
00:42:25,977 --> 00:42:29,289
BLANKET JUST SO.
BUT NOBODY BEING IN THE BED.
YOU COULD PUT IT IN A DOOR.
1217
00:42:29,313 --> 00:42:32,326
BUT NOBODY BEING IN THE BED.
YOU COULD PUT IT IN A DOOR.
THIS IS ONE OF OUR VERY POPULAR
1218
00:42:32,350 --> 00:42:34,629
YOU COULD PUT IT IN A DOOR.
THIS IS ONE OF OUR VERY POPULAR
NUMBERS NOW.
1219
00:42:34,653 --> 00:42:38,599
THIS IS ONE OF OUR VERY POPULAR
NUMBERS NOW.
SINCE THE POLISH JOKES ARE SO
1220
00:42:38,623 --> 00:42:40,535
NUMBERS NOW.
SINCE THE POLISH JOKES ARE SO
VERY POPULAR.
1221
00:42:40,559 --> 00:42:44,739
SINCE THE POLISH JOKES ARE SO
VERY POPULAR.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, I JUST
1222
00:42:44,763 --> 00:42:46,741
VERY POPULAR.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, I JUST
RECEIVED AN ORDER FOR A POLISH
1223
00:42:46,765 --> 00:42:48,843
AS A MATTER OF FACT, I JUST
RECEIVED AN ORDER FOR A POLISH
DICTIONARY, BUT WE DON'T HAVE
1224
00:42:48,867 --> 00:42:49,476
RECEIVED AN ORDER FOR A POLISH
DICTIONARY, BUT WE DON'T HAVE
IT.
1225
00:42:49,500 --> 00:42:51,612
DICTIONARY, BUT WE DON'T HAVE
IT.
I WILL TRY AND GET IT.
1226
00:42:51,636 --> 00:42:54,582
IT.
I WILL TRY AND GET IT.
AND OF COURSE THIS IS ONE OF THE
1227
00:42:54,606 --> 00:42:58,485
I WILL TRY AND GET IT.
AND OF COURSE THIS IS ONE OF THE
OLD STANDBYS... THE JOY BUZZER.
1228
00:42:58,509 --> 00:43:02,823
AND OF COURSE THIS IS ONE OF THE
OLD STANDBYS... THE JOY BUZZER.
WE HAVE SO MANY ITEMS THAT I
1229
00:43:02,847 --> 00:43:05,893
OLD STANDBYS... THE JOY BUZZER.
WE HAVE SO MANY ITEMS THAT I
CAN'T SEE WHERE YOU COULDN'T GET
1230
00:43:05,917 --> 00:43:07,227
WE HAVE SO MANY ITEMS THAT I
CAN'T SEE WHERE YOU COULDN'T GET
A LAUGH.
1231
00:43:07,251 --> 00:43:12,166
CAN'T SEE WHERE YOU COULDN'T GET
A LAUGH.
AND IF, IN ANY EVENT, IT FAILS
1232
00:43:12,190 --> 00:43:15,135
A LAUGH.
AND IF, IN ANY EVENT, IT FAILS
THAT WAY, WHY, THEN, WE HAVE THE
1233
00:43:15,159 --> 00:43:18,105
AND IF, IN ANY EVENT, IT FAILS
THAT WAY, WHY, THEN, WE HAVE THE
LAUGH BAG, AND TRULY THIS WILL
1234
00:43:18,129 --> 00:43:19,774
THAT WAY, WHY, THEN, WE HAVE THE
LAUGH BAG, AND TRULY THIS WILL
MAKE YOU LAUGH.
1235
00:43:19,798 --> 00:43:26,948
LAUGH BAG, AND TRULY THIS WILL
MAKE YOU LAUGH.
[ LAUGHING]
1236
00:43:26,972 --> 00:43:28,972
MAKE YOU LAUGH.
[ LAUGHING]
[APPLAUSE]
1237
00:43:40,250 --> 00:43:43,898
[CHUCKLING]
[Foreign accent] AND HE SAYS,
"YOU WANT TO BUY THE SHOES?
1238
00:43:43,922 --> 00:43:46,567
[Foreign accent] AND HE SAYS,
"YOU WANT TO BUY THE SHOES?
DO IT!" [LAUGHS]
1239
00:43:46,591 --> 00:43:49,637
"YOU WANT TO BUY THE SHOES?
DO IT!" [LAUGHS]
OH, BUT, NEIL, NEIL, NEIL, WHO'S
1240
00:43:49,661 --> 00:43:52,139
DO IT!" [LAUGHS]
OH, BUT, NEIL, NEIL, NEIL, WHO'S
TALKING, ME OR YOU, NEIL?
1241
00:43:52,163 --> 00:43:53,574
OH, BUT, NEIL, NEIL, NEIL, WHO'S
TALKING, ME OR YOU, NEIL?
NEIL.
1242
00:43:53,598 --> 00:43:55,442
TALKING, ME OR YOU, NEIL?
NEIL.
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW PROUD IT
1243
00:43:55,466 --> 00:43:57,177
NEIL.
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW PROUD IT
MAKES US THAT YOU'VE BEEN
1244
00:43:57,201 --> 00:43:58,913
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW PROUD IT
MAKES US THAT YOU'VE BEEN
ACCEPTED INTO LAW SCHOOL!
1245
00:43:58,937 --> 00:44:00,380
MAKES US THAT YOU'VE BEEN
ACCEPTED INTO LAW SCHOOL!
THANK YOU, GRANDFATHER.
1246
00:44:00,404 --> 00:44:02,583
ACCEPTED INTO LAW SCHOOL!
THANK YOU, GRANDFATHER.
TO THINK I WOULD LIVE TO SEE
1247
00:44:02,607 --> 00:44:04,451
THANK YOU, GRANDFATHER.
TO THINK I WOULD LIVE TO SEE
THE DAY THAT HARVARD WOULD OPEN
1248
00:44:04,475 --> 00:44:06,186
TO THINK I WOULD LIVE TO SEE
THE DAY THAT HARVARD WOULD OPEN
ITS DOORS TO BEES.
1249
00:44:06,210 --> 00:44:06,921
THE DAY THAT HARVARD WOULD OPEN
ITS DOORS TO BEES.
AH.
1250
00:44:06,945 --> 00:44:08,723
ITS DOORS TO BEES.
AH.
WHY SHOULDN'T THEY?
1251
00:44:08,747 --> 00:44:10,491
AH.
WHY SHOULDN'T THEY?
"WHY SHOULDN'T THEY?"
1252
00:44:10,515 --> 00:44:12,760
WHY SHOULDN'T THEY?
"WHY SHOULDN'T THEY?"
BECAUSE, NEIL, IT WASN'T LONG
1253
00:44:12,784 --> 00:44:15,162
"WHY SHOULDN'T THEY?"
BECAUSE, NEIL, IT WASN'T LONG
AGO THAT A BEE IN AMERICA COULD
1254
00:44:15,186 --> 00:44:16,797
BECAUSE, NEIL, IT WASN'T LONG
AGO THAT A BEE IN AMERICA COULD
NOT HAVE DREAMED OF BECOMING A
1255
00:44:16,821 --> 00:44:18,265
AGO THAT A BEE IN AMERICA COULD
NOT HAVE DREAMED OF BECOMING A
LAWYER.
1256
00:44:18,289 --> 00:44:20,735
NOT HAVE DREAMED OF BECOMING A
LAWYER.
BEES WERE JUST ANOTHER MINORITY
1257
00:44:20,759 --> 00:44:25,239
LAWYER.
BEES WERE JUST ANOTHER MINORITY
IN A COUNTRY RUN BY WASPS.
1258
00:44:25,263 --> 00:44:27,141
BEES WERE JUST ANOTHER MINORITY
IN A COUNTRY RUN BY WASPS.
THAT'S RIGHT.
1259
00:44:27,165 --> 00:44:29,877
IN A COUNTRY RUN BY WASPS.
THAT'S RIGHT.
THE WASPS RAN EVERYTHING!
1260
00:44:29,901 --> 00:44:32,046
THAT'S RIGHT.
THE WASPS RAN EVERYTHING!
AND THEY TREATED BEES TERRIBLE.
1261
00:44:32,070 --> 00:44:34,281
THE WASPS RAN EVERYTHING!
AND THEY TREATED BEES TERRIBLE.
AND THE THINGS THEY CALLED US
1262
00:44:34,305 --> 00:44:35,850
AND THEY TREATED BEES TERRIBLE.
AND THE THINGS THEY CALLED US
YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE.
1263
00:44:35,874 --> 00:44:38,485
AND THE THINGS THEY CALLED US
YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE.
FLOWER SUCKERS.
1264
00:44:38,509 --> 00:44:41,321
YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE.
FLOWER SUCKERS.
ANTENNA HEADS.
1265
00:44:41,345 --> 00:44:42,690
FLOWER SUCKERS.
ANTENNA HEADS.
YOU KNOW, THEY CALL US
1266
00:44:42,714 --> 00:44:43,490
ANTENNA HEADS.
YOU KNOW, THEY CALL US
EVERYTHING.
1267
00:44:43,514 --> 00:44:45,059
YOU KNOW, THEY CALL US
EVERYTHING.
OH, NOT IN FRONT OF THE
1268
00:44:45,083 --> 00:44:45,592
EVERYTHING.
OH, NOT IN FRONT OF THE
CHILD.
1269
00:44:45,616 --> 00:44:46,426
OH, NOT IN FRONT OF THE
CHILD.
HE SHOULD KNOW.
1270
00:44:46,450 --> 00:44:47,828
CHILD.
HE SHOULD KNOW.
HE SHOULD KNOW.
1271
00:44:47,852 --> 00:44:50,064
HE SHOULD KNOW.
HE SHOULD KNOW.
THEY CALLED US FLYING BARBER
1272
00:44:50,088 --> 00:44:52,199
HE SHOULD KNOW.
THEY CALLED US FLYING BARBER
POLES, BEE STUFFERS, QUEEN
1273
00:44:52,223 --> 00:44:53,834
THEY CALLED US FLYING BARBER
POLES, BEE STUFFERS, QUEEN
STUFFERS, YOU KNOW.
1274
00:44:53,858 --> 00:44:55,770
POLES, BEE STUFFERS, QUEEN
STUFFERS, YOU KNOW.
IT WAS TERRIBLE.
1275
00:44:55,794 --> 00:44:57,972
STUFFERS, YOU KNOW.
IT WAS TERRIBLE.
I CAN STILL REMEMBER THE FIRST
1276
00:44:57,996 --> 00:45:00,908
IT WAS TERRIBLE.
I CAN STILL REMEMBER THE FIRST
WASP I EVER MET.
1277
00:45:00,932 --> 00:45:03,243
I CAN STILL REMEMBER THE FIRST
WASP I EVER MET.
IT WAS, UH, IMMIGRATION
1278
00:45:03,267 --> 00:45:05,546
WASP I EVER MET.
IT WAS, UH, IMMIGRATION
OFFICIAL, ELLIS ISLAND.
1279
00:45:05,570 --> 00:45:08,115
IT WAS, UH, IMMIGRATION
OFFICIAL, ELLIS ISLAND.
AND THERE WERE YOUR GRANDMOTHER
1280
00:45:08,139 --> 00:45:10,217
OFFICIAL, ELLIS ISLAND.
AND THERE WERE YOUR GRANDMOTHER
AND I, FRESH FROM THE OLD
1281
00:45:10,241 --> 00:45:12,853
AND THERE WERE YOUR GRANDMOTHER
AND I, FRESH FROM THE OLD
COUNTRY, GETTING OUR FIRST TASTE
1282
00:45:12,877 --> 00:45:15,677
AND I, FRESH FROM THE OLD
COUNTRY, GETTING OUR FIRST TASTE
OF PREJUDICE.
1283
00:45:21,852 --> 00:45:29,852
OKAY, THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU.
1284
00:45:30,294 --> 00:45:33,674
ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT.
1285
00:45:33,698 --> 00:45:36,143
THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT.
VERIFY THIS.
1286
00:45:36,167 --> 00:45:38,512
ALL RIGHT.
VERIFY THIS.
INCLUDE THIS HERE.
1287
00:45:38,536 --> 00:45:41,048
VERIFY THIS.
INCLUDE THIS HERE.
HO HO HO, UH-OH.
1288
00:45:41,072 --> 00:45:43,217
INCLUDE THIS HERE.
HO HO HO, UH-OH.
WHAT'S BLACK AND YELLOW AND RED
1289
00:45:43,241 --> 00:45:44,051
HO HO HO, UH-OH.
WHAT'S BLACK AND YELLOW AND RED
ALL OVER?
1290
00:45:44,075 --> 00:45:45,652
WHAT'S BLACK AND YELLOW AND RED
ALL OVER?
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
1291
00:45:45,676 --> 00:45:47,387
ALL OVER?
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
A DEAD BEE COVERED WITH A
1292
00:45:47,411 --> 00:45:48,189
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
A DEAD BEE COVERED WITH A
NEWSPAPER.
1293
00:45:48,213 --> 00:45:49,356
A DEAD BEE COVERED WITH A
NEWSPAPER.
[BOTH LAUGH]
1294
00:45:49,380 --> 00:45:51,025
NEWSPAPER.
[BOTH LAUGH]
WATCH THIS.
1295
00:45:51,049 --> 00:45:55,495
[BOTH LAUGH]
WATCH THIS.
EVER HAD HIVES?
1296
00:45:55,519 --> 00:45:56,163
WATCH THIS.
EVER HAD HIVES?
NO.
1297
00:45:56,187 --> 00:45:57,765
EVER HAD HIVES?
NO.
COME ON, LET'S SEE YOUR
1298
00:45:57,789 --> 00:45:58,365
NO.
COME ON, LET'S SEE YOUR
PAPERS.
1299
00:45:58,389 --> 00:46:00,267
COME ON, LET'S SEE YOUR
PAPERS.
COME ON, COME ON.
1300
00:46:00,291 --> 00:46:02,569
PAPERS.
COME ON, COME ON.
YES, SIR, RIGHT HERE.
1301
00:46:02,593 --> 00:46:03,771
COME ON, COME ON.
YES, SIR, RIGHT HERE.
ALL RIGHT, WHAT ARE YOUR
1302
00:46:03,795 --> 00:46:04,638
YES, SIR, RIGHT HERE.
ALL RIGHT, WHAT ARE YOUR
NAMES?
1303
00:46:04,662 --> 00:46:08,242
ALL RIGHT, WHAT ARE YOUR
NAMES?
MR. AND MRS. HERSCHELL
1304
00:46:08,266 --> 00:46:10,477
NAMES?
MR. AND MRS. HERSCHELL
BLOUSHVASINS... WHAT IS THIS?
1305
00:46:10,501 --> 00:46:12,113
MR. AND MRS. HERSCHELL
BLOUSHVASINS... WHAT IS THIS?
BLOUSHRASINSKY.
1306
00:46:12,137 --> 00:46:13,380
BLOUSHVASINS... WHAT IS THIS?
BLOUSHRASINSKY.
TOO HARD TO PRONOUNCE.
1307
00:46:13,404 --> 00:46:14,648
BLOUSHRASINSKY.
TOO HARD TO PRONOUNCE.
FROM NOW ON YOU'LL BE
1308
00:46:14,672 --> 00:46:17,517
TOO HARD TO PRONOUNCE.
FROM NOW ON YOU'LL BE
MR. AND MRS. HENRY BEE.
1309
00:46:17,541 --> 00:46:21,021
FROM NOW ON YOU'LL BE
MR. AND MRS. HENRY BEE.
BEE?
1310
00:46:21,045 --> 00:46:22,322
MR. AND MRS. HENRY BEE.
BEE?
GET MOVING.
1311
00:46:22,346 --> 00:46:24,491
BEE?
GET MOVING.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, SIR.
1312
00:46:24,515 --> 00:46:25,626
GET MOVING.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, SIR.
WE GO THIS WAY.
1313
00:46:25,650 --> 00:46:27,027
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, SIR.
WE GO THIS WAY.
[CHUCKLING]
1314
00:46:27,051 --> 00:46:28,729
WE GO THIS WAY.
[CHUCKLING]
BOY, I'D LOVE TO DIP MY SPOON IN
1315
00:46:28,753 --> 00:46:30,597
[CHUCKLING]
BOY, I'D LOVE TO DIP MY SPOON IN
HER HONEY.
1316
00:46:30,621 --> 00:46:33,868
BOY, I'D LOVE TO DIP MY SPOON IN
HER HONEY.
YES?
1317
00:46:33,892 --> 00:46:36,303
HER HONEY.
YES?
SO, FROM THE FIRST, WE HATED
1318
00:46:36,327 --> 00:46:37,337
YES?
SO, FROM THE FIRST, WE HATED
THE WASPS.
1319
00:46:37,361 --> 00:46:39,306
SO, FROM THE FIRST, WE HATED
THE WASPS.
THEY CALLED US INSECTS.
1320
00:46:39,330 --> 00:46:41,108
THE WASPS.
THEY CALLED US INSECTS.
THEY CALLED US PESTS.
1321
00:46:41,132 --> 00:46:43,110
THEY CALLED US INSECTS.
THEY CALLED US PESTS.
THEY SENT US TO SPECIAL SCHOOLS
1322
00:46:43,134 --> 00:46:45,279
THEY CALLED US PESTS.
THEY SENT US TO SPECIAL SCHOOLS
TO LEARN HOW TO TALK LIKE THIS.
1323
00:46:45,303 --> 00:46:48,215
THEY SENT US TO SPECIAL SCHOOLS
TO LEARN HOW TO TALK LIKE THIS.
BUT WE DID LOVE NEW YORK.
1324
00:46:48,239 --> 00:46:50,151
TO LEARN HOW TO TALK LIKE THIS.
BUT WE DID LOVE NEW YORK.
THE HUSTLE, THE BUSTLE.
1325
00:46:50,175 --> 00:46:52,452
BUT WE DID LOVE NEW YORK.
THE HUSTLE, THE BUSTLE.
IT WAS EXCITING FOR A YOUNG BEE
1326
00:46:52,476 --> 00:46:54,655
THE HUSTLE, THE BUSTLE.
IT WAS EXCITING FOR A YOUNG BEE
WHO HAD JUST FLOWN OFF THE BOAT.
1327
00:46:54,679 --> 00:46:58,625
IT WAS EXCITING FOR A YOUNG BEE
WHO HAD JUST FLOWN OFF THE BOAT.
YES, THIS WAS AMERICA THAT HELD
1328
00:46:58,649 --> 00:47:01,195
WHO HAD JUST FLOWN OFF THE BOAT.
YES, THIS WAS AMERICA THAT HELD
SO MUCH PROMISE FOR THE BEE.
1329
00:47:01,219 --> 00:47:03,998
YES, THIS WAS AMERICA THAT HELD
SO MUCH PROMISE FOR THE BEE.
FOR IT WAS THE LAND OF MILK AND
1330
00:47:04,022 --> 00:47:06,533
SO MUCH PROMISE FOR THE BEE.
FOR IT WAS THE LAND OF MILK AND
HONEY.
1331
00:47:06,557 --> 00:47:08,669
FOR IT WAS THE LAND OF MILK AND
HONEY.
BUT, SIR, I ALREADY WORK 18
1332
00:47:08,693 --> 00:47:09,703
HONEY.
BUT, SIR, I ALREADY WORK 18
HOURS A DAY!
1333
00:47:09,727 --> 00:47:11,738
BUT, SIR, I ALREADY WORK 18
HOURS A DAY!
NOW, IF YOU ADD 8 MORE HOURS
1334
00:47:11,762 --> 00:47:13,774
HOURS A DAY!
NOW, IF YOU ADD 8 MORE HOURS
OVERTIME, I'LL BE WORKING 26
1335
00:47:13,798 --> 00:47:14,809
NOW, IF YOU ADD 8 MORE HOURS
OVERTIME, I'LL BE WORKING 26
HOURS A DAY.
1336
00:47:14,833 --> 00:47:16,210
OVERTIME, I'LL BE WORKING 26
HOURS A DAY.
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!
1337
00:47:16,234 --> 00:47:17,711
HOURS A DAY.
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!
IF I MAY SO, IT'S ATTITUDES
1338
00:47:17,735 --> 00:47:19,113
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!
IF I MAY SO, IT'S ATTITUDES
LIKE THAT THAT HAVE KEPT YOU
1339
00:47:19,137 --> 00:47:20,514
IF I MAY SO, IT'S ATTITUDES
LIKE THAT THAT HAVE KEPT YOU
PEOPLE WHERE YOU ARE, ROCHESTER.
1340
00:47:20,538 --> 00:47:21,949
LIKE THAT THAT HAVE KEPT YOU
PEOPLE WHERE YOU ARE, ROCHESTER.
LOOK, WITH THE WAGES YOU
1341
00:47:21,973 --> 00:47:23,450
PEOPLE WHERE YOU ARE, ROCHESTER.
LOOK, WITH THE WAGES YOU
PAYING ME, I CAN'T SUPPORT MY
1342
00:47:23,474 --> 00:47:23,984
LOOK, WITH THE WAGES YOU
PAYING ME, I CAN'T SUPPORT MY
FAMILY!
1343
00:47:24,008 --> 00:47:25,585
PAYING ME, I CAN'T SUPPORT MY
FAMILY!
SURE, THE WAGES ARE LOW, BUT
1344
00:47:25,609 --> 00:47:27,188
FAMILY!
SURE, THE WAGES ARE LOW, BUT
WHAT ABOUT THE FRINGE BENEFITS?
1345
00:47:27,212 --> 00:47:28,222
SURE, THE WAGES ARE LOW, BUT
WHAT ABOUT THE FRINGE BENEFITS?
FRINGE BENEFITS?
1346
00:47:28,246 --> 00:47:29,623
WHAT ABOUT THE FRINGE BENEFITS?
FRINGE BENEFITS?
YES, ALL THE AIR YOU CAN
1347
00:47:29,647 --> 00:47:31,025
FRINGE BENEFITS?
YES, ALL THE AIR YOU CAN
BREATHE, FREE WALLS, AND PLENTY
1348
00:47:31,049 --> 00:47:32,026
YES, ALL THE AIR YOU CAN
BREATHE, FREE WALLS, AND PLENTY
OF FRESH WORK.
1349
00:47:32,050 --> 00:47:34,128
BREATHE, FREE WALLS, AND PLENTY
OF FRESH WORK.
HEY, THAT'S IT!
1350
00:47:34,152 --> 00:47:37,264
OF FRESH WORK.
HEY, THAT'S IT!
I QUIT THIS LOUSY SWEATSHOP!
1351
00:47:37,288 --> 00:47:38,532
HEY, THAT'S IT!
I QUIT THIS LOUSY SWEATSHOP!
DID YOU ALL HEAR THAT?
1352
00:47:38,556 --> 00:47:39,666
I QUIT THIS LOUSY SWEATSHOP!
DID YOU ALL HEAR THAT?
HE CALLED THIS A LOUSY
1353
00:47:39,690 --> 00:47:40,301
DID YOU ALL HEAR THAT?
HE CALLED THIS A LOUSY
SWEATSHOP.
1354
00:47:40,325 --> 00:47:41,702
HE CALLED THIS A LOUSY
SWEATSHOP.
WELL, HE HAS A POINT, REALLY,
1355
00:47:41,726 --> 00:47:43,270
SWEATSHOP.
WELL, HE HAS A POINT, REALLY,
BECAUSE IT IS A LOUSY SWEATSHOP.
1356
00:47:43,294 --> 00:47:44,839
WELL, HE HAS A POINT, REALLY,
BECAUSE IT IS A LOUSY SWEATSHOP.
WE HAVEN'T PRODUCED ENOUGH SWEAT
1357
00:47:44,863 --> 00:47:46,340
BECAUSE IT IS A LOUSY SWEATSHOP.
WE HAVEN'T PRODUCED ENOUGH SWEAT
IN THE LAST FEW WEEKS TO KEEP A
1358
00:47:46,364 --> 00:47:47,007
WE HAVEN'T PRODUCED ENOUGH SWEAT
IN THE LAST FEW WEEKS TO KEEP A
BIRD ALIVE.
1359
00:47:47,031 --> 00:47:49,343
IN THE LAST FEW WEEKS TO KEEP A
BIRD ALIVE.
EXCUSE ME, SIR, MAY I MAKE A
1360
00:47:49,367 --> 00:47:50,410
BIRD ALIVE.
EXCUSE ME, SIR, MAY I MAKE A
SUGGESTION?
1361
00:47:50,434 --> 00:47:52,813
EXCUSE ME, SIR, MAY I MAKE A
SUGGESTION?
PERHAPS SWEAT PRODUCTION IS DOWN
1362
00:47:52,837 --> 00:47:55,216
SUGGESTION?
PERHAPS SWEAT PRODUCTION IS DOWN
BECAUSE YOUR SPACE IS BEING USED
1363
00:47:55,240 --> 00:47:56,450
PERHAPS SWEAT PRODUCTION IS DOWN
BECAUSE YOUR SPACE IS BEING USED
INEFFICIENTLY.
1364
00:47:56,474 --> 00:47:58,719
BECAUSE YOUR SPACE IS BEING USED
INEFFICIENTLY.
YOU COULD ADD QUITE A FEW MORE
1365
00:47:58,743 --> 00:48:00,955
INEFFICIENTLY.
YOU COULD ADD QUITE A FEW MORE
SEWING MACHINES IN THIS AREA,
1366
00:48:00,979 --> 00:48:02,056
YOU COULD ADD QUITE A FEW MORE
SEWING MACHINES IN THIS AREA,
FOR EXAMPLE.
1367
00:48:02,080 --> 00:48:03,290
SEWING MACHINES IN THIS AREA,
FOR EXAMPLE.
SAY, THAT'S INTERESTING.
1368
00:48:03,314 --> 00:48:04,491
FOR EXAMPLE.
SAY, THAT'S INTERESTING.
WHY DON'T YOU STEP INTO MY
1369
00:48:04,515 --> 00:48:04,959
SAY, THAT'S INTERESTING.
WHY DON'T YOU STEP INTO MY
OFFICE?
1370
00:48:04,983 --> 00:48:05,993
WHY DON'T YOU STEP INTO MY
OFFICE?
WE'LL TALK ABOUT THAT.
1371
00:48:06,017 --> 00:48:06,793
OFFICE?
WE'LL TALK ABOUT THAT.
OH, YES, SIR.
1372
00:48:06,817 --> 00:48:08,095
WE'LL TALK ABOUT THAT.
OH, YES, SIR.
YES, SIR.
1373
00:48:08,119 --> 00:48:10,530
OH, YES, SIR.
YES, SIR.
AND SO I GOT MY FIRST
1374
00:48:10,554 --> 00:48:11,798
YES, SIR.
AND SO I GOT MY FIRST
PROMOTION.
1375
00:48:11,822 --> 00:48:14,501
AND SO I GOT MY FIRST
PROMOTION.
SOON I WAS DOING VERY WELL.
1376
00:48:14,525 --> 00:48:16,770
PROMOTION.
SOON I WAS DOING VERY WELL.
BUT WHILE I WAS AS SUCCESSFUL AS
1377
00:48:16,794 --> 00:48:19,306
SOON I WAS DOING VERY WELL.
BUT WHILE I WAS AS SUCCESSFUL AS
MANY OTHER WASPS, I WAS NEVER
1378
00:48:19,330 --> 00:48:21,508
BUT WHILE I WAS AS SUCCESSFUL AS
MANY OTHER WASPS, I WAS NEVER
REALLY ACCEPTED BY THEM.
1379
00:48:21,532 --> 00:48:23,810
MANY OTHER WASPS, I WAS NEVER
REALLY ACCEPTED BY THEM.
I COULD NOT GAIN ADMITTANCE TO
1380
00:48:23,834 --> 00:48:26,680
REALLY ACCEPTED BY THEM.
I COULD NOT GAIN ADMITTANCE TO
THEIR SWANK CLUBS AND HOTELS.
1381
00:48:26,704 --> 00:48:29,716
I COULD NOT GAIN ADMITTANCE TO
THEIR SWANK CLUBS AND HOTELS.
SOCIALLY, I WAS STILL ON THE
1382
00:48:29,740 --> 00:48:34,154
THEIR SWANK CLUBS AND HOTELS.
SOCIALLY, I WAS STILL ON THE
"B" TEAM.
1383
00:48:34,178 --> 00:48:36,357
SOCIALLY, I WAS STILL ON THE
"B" TEAM.
BUT, HENRY, WE DON'T BELONG
1384
00:48:36,381 --> 00:48:36,957
"B" TEAM.
BUT, HENRY, WE DON'T BELONG
HERE.
1385
00:48:36,981 --> 00:48:38,959
BUT, HENRY, WE DON'T BELONG
HERE.
DID YOU SEE THE SIGN AT THE
1386
00:48:38,983 --> 00:48:39,593
HERE.
DID YOU SEE THE SIGN AT THE
DESK?
1387
00:48:39,617 --> 00:48:41,395
DID YOU SEE THE SIGN AT THE
DESK?
IT SAID, "WE DON'T ACCEPT CREDIT
1388
00:48:41,419 --> 00:48:43,163
DESK?
IT SAID, "WE DON'T ACCEPT CREDIT
CARDS OR BEES."
1389
00:48:43,187 --> 00:48:44,498
IT SAID, "WE DON'T ACCEPT CREDIT
CARDS OR BEES."
DON'T BE SILLY.
1390
00:48:44,522 --> 00:48:46,500
CARDS OR BEES."
DON'T BE SILLY.
MY OLD BOSS STAYS THIS HOTEL.
1391
00:48:46,524 --> 00:48:47,434
DON'T BE SILLY.
MY OLD BOSS STAYS THIS HOTEL.
SO WILL WE.
1392
00:48:47,458 --> 00:48:48,568
MY OLD BOSS STAYS THIS HOTEL.
SO WILL WE.
I FEEL VERY UN...
1393
00:48:48,592 --> 00:48:49,870
SO WILL WE.
I FEEL VERY UN...
WE'RE GONNA STAY HERE, AND
1394
00:48:49,894 --> 00:48:51,171
I FEEL VERY UN...
WE'RE GONNA STAY HERE, AND
THEY'RE GONNA TAKE US.
1395
00:48:51,195 --> 00:48:52,539
WE'RE GONNA STAY HERE, AND
THEY'RE GONNA TAKE US.
BUT THEY STARE AT US.
1396
00:48:52,563 --> 00:48:53,640
THEY'RE GONNA TAKE US.
BUT THEY STARE AT US.
IT'S SWANK, AIN'T IT?
1397
00:48:53,664 --> 00:48:55,109
BUT THEY STARE AT US.
IT'S SWANK, AIN'T IT?
I SAID TO HODGKINS, "TAKE
1398
00:48:55,133 --> 00:48:56,710
IT'S SWANK, AIN'T IT?
I SAID TO HODGKINS, "TAKE
THIS RASCAL OUT AND THRASH HIM.
1399
00:48:56,734 --> 00:48:58,512
I SAID TO HODGKINS, "TAKE
THIS RASCAL OUT AND THRASH HIM.
HE SPLASHED MUD ON THE LaSALLE."
1400
00:48:58,536 --> 00:48:59,679
THIS RASCAL OUT AND THRASH HIM.
HE SPLASHED MUD ON THE LaSALLE."
[LAUGHTER]
1401
00:48:59,703 --> 00:49:01,248
HE SPLASHED MUD ON THE LaSALLE."
[LAUGHTER]
IT WAS QUITE SHOCKING, REALLY.
1402
00:49:01,272 --> 00:49:01,982
[LAUGHTER]
IT WAS QUITE SHOCKING, REALLY.
HELLO!
1403
00:49:02,006 --> 00:49:03,150
IT WAS QUITE SHOCKING, REALLY.
HELLO!
GUESS WHO'S HERE.
1404
00:49:03,174 --> 00:49:04,751
HELLO!
GUESS WHO'S HERE.
HEY, WE JUST FLEW IN FROM
1405
00:49:04,775 --> 00:49:05,619
GUESS WHO'S HERE.
HEY, WE JUST FLEW IN FROM
NEW JERSEY.
1406
00:49:05,643 --> 00:49:07,154
HEY, WE JUST FLEW IN FROM
NEW JERSEY.
BOY, ARE OUR ARMS TIRED.
1407
00:49:07,178 --> 00:49:08,222
NEW JERSEY.
BOY, ARE OUR ARMS TIRED.
[LAUGHS]
1408
00:49:08,246 --> 00:49:09,723
BOY, ARE OUR ARMS TIRED.
[LAUGHS]
REGGIE AND CHRISTINA, I'D
1409
00:49:09,747 --> 00:49:11,392
[LAUGHS]
REGGIE AND CHRISTINA, I'D
LIKE YOU TO MEET HENRY AND... I
1410
00:49:11,416 --> 00:49:12,759
REGGIE AND CHRISTINA, I'D
LIKE YOU TO MEET HENRY AND... I
DO FORGET YOUR LAST NAME.
1411
00:49:12,783 --> 00:49:13,660
LIKE YOU TO MEET HENRY AND... I
DO FORGET YOUR LAST NAME.
BEE.
1412
00:49:13,684 --> 00:49:15,963
DO FORGET YOUR LAST NAME.
BEE.
YES, THEY'RE SORT OF...
1413
00:49:15,987 --> 00:49:17,031
BEE.
YES, THEY'RE SORT OF...
HEY, HOW 'BOUT TENNIS
1414
00:49:17,055 --> 00:49:17,531
YES, THEY'RE SORT OF...
HEY, HOW 'BOUT TENNIS
TOMORROW?
1415
00:49:17,555 --> 00:49:18,598
HEY, HOW 'BOUT TENNIS
TOMORROW?
WHAT DO YOU SAY? TENNIS?
1416
00:49:18,622 --> 00:49:20,367
TOMORROW?
WHAT DO YOU SAY? TENNIS?
OH, WE'RE TERRIBLY SORRY BUT
1417
00:49:20,391 --> 00:49:22,569
WHAT DO YOU SAY? TENNIS?
OH, WE'RE TERRIBLY SORRY BUT
THE COURTS ARE BROKEN.
1418
00:49:22,593 --> 00:49:24,638
OH, WE'RE TERRIBLY SORRY BUT
THE COURTS ARE BROKEN.
WELL, HOW 'BOUT A SWIM?
1419
00:49:24,662 --> 00:49:26,974
THE COURTS ARE BROKEN.
WELL, HOW 'BOUT A SWIM?
WELL, THE POOL BURNED DOWN.
1420
00:49:26,998 --> 00:49:28,642
WELL, HOW 'BOUT A SWIM?
WELL, THE POOL BURNED DOWN.
HORSEBACK RIDING.
1421
00:49:28,666 --> 00:49:30,077
WELL, THE POOL BURNED DOWN.
HORSEBACK RIDING.
THE HORSES ARE BROKEN.
1422
00:49:30,101 --> 00:49:31,145
HORSEBACK RIDING.
THE HORSES ARE BROKEN.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
1423
00:49:31,169 --> 00:49:32,546
THE HORSES ARE BROKEN.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
WELL, BIRD WATCHING.
1424
00:49:32,570 --> 00:49:33,914
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
WELL, BIRD WATCHING.
WE CAN WATCH THE BIRDS.
1425
00:49:33,938 --> 00:49:35,416
WELL, BIRD WATCHING.
WE CAN WATCH THE BIRDS.
THE BIRDS BURNED DOWN.
1426
00:49:35,440 --> 00:49:36,951
WE CAN WATCH THE BIRDS.
THE BIRDS BURNED DOWN.
BIRDS BURNED DOWN, HUH?
1427
00:49:36,975 --> 00:49:38,685
THE BIRDS BURNED DOWN.
BIRDS BURNED DOWN, HUH?
WELL, HOW 'BOUT SOME SOLITAIRE?
1428
00:49:38,709 --> 00:49:39,786
BIRDS BURNED DOWN, HUH?
WELL, HOW 'BOUT SOME SOLITAIRE?
WONDERFUL IDEA.
1429
00:49:39,810 --> 00:49:40,487
WELL, HOW 'BOUT SOME SOLITAIRE?
WONDERFUL IDEA.
CARDS.
1430
00:49:40,511 --> 00:49:41,721
WONDERFUL IDEA.
CARDS.
YOU KEEP IN TOUCH.
1431
00:49:41,745 --> 00:49:43,324
CARDS.
YOU KEEP IN TOUCH.
HOW 'BOUT SOME HOPSCOTCH?
1432
00:49:43,348 --> 00:49:46,308
YOU KEEP IN TOUCH.
HOW 'BOUT SOME HOPSCOTCH?
MAYBE WE COULD PLAY SOME?
1433
00:49:51,455 --> 00:49:59,406
WELL, I TRIED TO FIT IN, BUT
THE WASPS DIDN'T WELCOME ME.
NO MATTER HOW I ADJUSTED MY
1434
00:49:59,430 --> 00:50:02,977
THE WASPS DIDN'T WELCOME ME.
NO MATTER HOW I ADJUSTED MY
ANTENNA, THE RECEPTION WAS BAD.
1435
00:50:03,001 --> 00:50:06,113
NO MATTER HOW I ADJUSTED MY
ANTENNA, THE RECEPTION WAS BAD.
FINALLY I REALIZED, THESE PEOPLE
1436
00:50:06,137 --> 00:50:08,915
ANTENNA, THE RECEPTION WAS BAD.
FINALLY I REALIZED, THESE PEOPLE
WEREN'T FOR ME, SO I STOPPED
1437
00:50:08,939 --> 00:50:11,151
FINALLY I REALIZED, THESE PEOPLE
WEREN'T FOR ME, SO I STOPPED
TRYING TO FIT IN AND BECAME A
1438
00:50:11,175 --> 00:50:13,787
WEREN'T FOR ME, SO I STOPPED
TRYING TO FIT IN AND BECAME A
SUCCESS ON MY OWN.
1439
00:50:13,811 --> 00:50:16,357
TRYING TO FIT IN AND BECAME A
SUCCESS ON MY OWN.
AND OTHER BEES DID THE SAME.
1440
00:50:16,381 --> 00:50:19,226
SUCCESS ON MY OWN.
AND OTHER BEES DID THE SAME.
THEY DISTINGUISHED THEMSELVES IN
1441
00:50:19,250 --> 00:50:24,331
AND OTHER BEES DID THE SAME.
THEY DISTINGUISHED THEMSELVES IN
MANY AREAS.
1442
00:50:24,355 --> 00:50:26,533
THEY DISTINGUISHED THEMSELVES IN
MANY AREAS.
SOME OF OUR MOST OUTSTANDING
1443
00:50:26,557 --> 00:50:29,169
MANY AREAS.
SOME OF OUR MOST OUTSTANDING
AMERICANS WERE BEES.
1444
00:50:29,193 --> 00:50:32,772
SOME OF OUR MOST OUTSTANDING
AMERICANS WERE BEES.
FEW PEOPLE KNOW THIS, NEIL, BUT
1445
00:50:32,796 --> 00:50:36,743
AMERICANS WERE BEES.
FEW PEOPLE KNOW THIS, NEIL, BUT
FRANKLIN ROOSEVELT WAS A BEE.
1446
00:50:36,767 --> 00:50:40,914
FEW PEOPLE KNOW THIS, NEIL, BUT
FRANKLIN ROOSEVELT WAS A BEE.
YUL BRYNNER WAS A BEE.
1447
00:50:40,938 --> 00:50:44,251
FRANKLIN ROOSEVELT WAS A BEE.
YUL BRYNNER WAS A BEE.
BISHOP SHEEN WAS A BEE.
1448
00:50:44,275 --> 00:50:47,221
YUL BRYNNER WAS A BEE.
BISHOP SHEEN WAS A BEE.
NEIL ARMSTRONG... HE WAS A BEE.
1449
00:50:47,245 --> 00:50:50,757
BISHOP SHEEN WAS A BEE.
NEIL ARMSTRONG... HE WAS A BEE.
EVA GABOR WAS A BEE.
1450
00:50:50,781 --> 00:50:54,728
NEIL ARMSTRONG... HE WAS A BEE.
EVA GABOR WAS A BEE.
AND THE 1965-'67 GREEN BAY
1451
00:50:54,752 --> 00:50:57,831
EVA GABOR WAS A BEE.
AND THE 1965-'67 GREEN BAY
PACKERS WERE BEES!
1452
00:50:57,855 --> 00:51:00,867
AND THE 1965-'67 GREEN BAY
PACKERS WERE BEES!
AMERICA HAS BEEN KIND TO THE
1453
00:51:00,891 --> 00:51:02,269
PACKERS WERE BEES!
AMERICA HAS BEEN KIND TO THE
BEE, NEIL.
1454
00:51:02,293 --> 00:51:03,637
AMERICA HAS BEEN KIND TO THE
BEE, NEIL.
VERY KIND.
1455
00:51:03,661 --> 00:51:06,806
BEE, NEIL.
VERY KIND.
SO ALWAYS REMEMBER, NEIL, YOU
1456
00:51:06,830 --> 00:51:09,743
VERY KIND.
SO ALWAYS REMEMBER, NEIL, YOU
COME FROM A PROUD HERITAGE.
1457
00:51:09,767 --> 00:51:12,612
SO ALWAYS REMEMBER, NEIL, YOU
COME FROM A PROUD HERITAGE.
SO DON'T LET ANYONE FOR NO
1458
00:51:12,636 --> 00:51:15,949
COME FROM A PROUD HERITAGE.
SO DON'T LET ANYONE FOR NO
REASON WHAT ALL, NO MATTER WHAT
1459
00:51:15,973 --> 00:51:19,086
SO DON'T LET ANYONE FOR NO
REASON WHAT ALL, NO MATTER WHAT
ANYBODY SAYS, YOU'RE NOT JUST
1460
00:51:19,110 --> 00:51:22,089
REASON WHAT ALL, NO MATTER WHAT
ANYBODY SAYS, YOU'RE NOT JUST
ANOTHER LOUSY SON OF A BEE.
1461
00:51:22,113 --> 00:51:24,753
ANYBODY SAYS, YOU'RE NOT JUST
ANOTHER LOUSY SON OF A BEE.
[APPLAUSE]
1462
00:51:38,528 --> 00:51:44,678
Announcer: AND NOW ONCE
AGAIN, HERE'S RY COODER.
[INTRO TO "HE'LL HAVE TO GO"
1463
00:51:44,702 --> 00:51:47,022
AGAIN, HERE'S RY COODER.
[INTRO TO "HE'LL HAVE TO GO"
PLAYS]
1464
00:52:05,555 --> 00:52:13,555
♪ PUT YOUR SWEET LIPS
A LITTLE CLOSER TO THE PHONE ♪
♪ LET'S PRETEND THAT WE'RE
1465
00:52:18,336 --> 00:52:24,951
A LITTLE CLOSER TO THE PHONE ♪
♪ LET'S PRETEND THAT WE'RE
TOGETHER ALL ALONE ♪
1466
00:52:24,975 --> 00:52:28,555
♪ LET'S PRETEND THAT WE'RE
TOGETHER ALL ALONE ♪
♪ I'LL TELL THE MAN TO TURN
1467
00:52:28,579 --> 00:52:34,828
TOGETHER ALL ALONE ♪
♪ I'LL TELL THE MAN TO TURN
THE JUKEBOX WAY DOWN LOW ♪
1468
00:52:34,852 --> 00:52:38,398
♪ I'LL TELL THE MAN TO TURN
THE JUKEBOX WAY DOWN LOW ♪
♪ AND YOU CAN TELL YOUR FRIEND
1469
00:52:38,422 --> 00:52:42,369
THE JUKEBOX WAY DOWN LOW ♪
♪ AND YOU CAN TELL YOUR FRIEND
THERE WITH YOU...
1470
00:52:42,393 --> 00:52:45,528
♪ AND YOU CAN TELL YOUR FRIEND
THERE WITH YOU...
HE'LL HAVE TO GO ♪
1471
00:52:50,333 --> 00:52:58,333
♪ WHISPER TO ME ♪
♪ TELL ME DO YOU LOVE ME TOO? ♪
♪ OR IS HE HOLDING YOU
1472
00:53:04,515 --> 00:53:09,763
♪ TELL ME DO YOU LOVE ME TOO? ♪
♪ OR IS HE HOLDING YOU
THE WAY I DO? ♪
1473
00:53:09,787 --> 00:53:11,865
♪ OR IS HE HOLDING YOU
THE WAY I DO? ♪
♪ THOUGH LOVE IS BLIND ♪
1474
00:53:11,889 --> 00:53:15,068
THE WAY I DO? ♪
♪ THOUGH LOVE IS BLIND ♪
♪ MAKE UP YOUR MIND ♪
1475
00:53:15,092 --> 00:53:19,706
♪ THOUGH LOVE IS BLIND ♪
♪ MAKE UP YOUR MIND ♪
♪ I'VE GOT TO KNOW ♪
1476
00:53:19,730 --> 00:53:22,342
♪ MAKE UP YOUR MIND ♪
♪ I'VE GOT TO KNOW ♪
♪ SHOULD I HANG UP
1477
00:53:22,366 --> 00:53:26,580
♪ I'VE GOT TO KNOW ♪
♪ SHOULD I HANG UP
OR WILL YOU TELL HIM...
1478
00:53:26,604 --> 00:53:32,052
♪ SHOULD I HANG UP
OR WILL YOU TELL HIM...
HE'LL HAVE TO GO? ♪
1479
00:53:32,076 --> 00:53:36,756
OR WILL YOU TELL HIM...
HE'LL HAVE TO GO? ♪
♪ YOU CAN'T SAY THE WORDS I WANT
1480
00:53:36,780 --> 00:53:39,793
HE'LL HAVE TO GO? ♪
♪ YOU CAN'T SAY THE WORDS I WANT
TO HEAR WHEN YOU'RE WITH
1481
00:53:39,817 --> 00:53:42,229
♪ YOU CAN'T SAY THE WORDS I WANT
TO HEAR WHEN YOU'RE WITH
SOME OTHER MAN ♪
1482
00:53:42,253 --> 00:53:47,033
TO HEAR WHEN YOU'RE WITH
SOME OTHER MAN ♪
♪ DO YOU WANT TO ANSWER YES OR
1483
00:53:47,057 --> 00:53:47,568
SOME OTHER MAN ♪
♪ DO YOU WANT TO ANSWER YES OR
NO? ♪
1484
00:53:47,592 --> 00:53:54,675
♪ DO YOU WANT TO ANSWER YES OR
NO? ♪
♪ DARLING, I WILL UNDERSTAND ♪
1485
00:53:54,699 --> 00:53:57,244
NO? ♪
♪ DARLING, I WILL UNDERSTAND ♪
♪ PUT YOUR SWEET LIPS
1486
00:53:57,268 --> 00:54:04,818
♪ DARLING, I WILL UNDERSTAND ♪
♪ PUT YOUR SWEET LIPS
A LITTLE CLOSER TO THE PHONE ♪
1487
00:54:04,842 --> 00:54:07,887
♪ PUT YOUR SWEET LIPS
A LITTLE CLOSER TO THE PHONE ♪
♪ LET'S PRETEND THAT WE'RE
1488
00:54:07,911 --> 00:54:14,228
A LITTLE CLOSER TO THE PHONE ♪
♪ LET'S PRETEND THAT WE'RE
TOGETHER ALL ALONE ♪
1489
00:54:14,252 --> 00:54:17,431
♪ LET'S PRETEND THAT WE'RE
TOGETHER ALL ALONE ♪
♪ I'LL TELL THE MAN TO TURN
1490
00:54:17,455 --> 00:54:23,837
TOGETHER ALL ALONE ♪
♪ I'LL TELL THE MAN TO TURN
THE JUKEBOX WAY DOWN LOW ♪
1491
00:54:23,861 --> 00:54:27,274
♪ I'LL TELL THE MAN TO TURN
THE JUKEBOX WAY DOWN LOW ♪
♪ AND YOU CAN TELL YOUR FRIEND
1492
00:54:27,298 --> 00:54:31,378
THE JUKEBOX WAY DOWN LOW ♪
♪ AND YOU CAN TELL YOUR FRIEND
THERE WITH YOU...
1493
00:54:31,402 --> 00:54:34,336
♪ AND YOU CAN TELL YOUR FRIEND
THERE WITH YOU...
HE'LL HAVE TO GO ♪
1494
00:55:12,575 --> 00:55:20,575
♪ YOU CAN SAY THE WORDS I WANT
TO HEAR WHEN YOU'RE WITH
SOME OTHER MAN ♪
1495
00:55:22,453 --> 00:55:26,866
TO HEAR WHEN YOU'RE WITH
SOME OTHER MAN ♪
♪ DO YOU WANT TO ANSWER YES
1496
00:55:26,890 --> 00:55:28,001
SOME OTHER MAN ♪
♪ DO YOU WANT TO ANSWER YES
OR NO? ♪
1497
00:55:28,025 --> 00:55:34,808
♪ DO YOU WANT TO ANSWER YES
OR NO? ♪
♪ DARLING, I WILL UNDERSTAND ♪
1498
00:55:34,832 --> 00:55:37,711
OR NO? ♪
♪ DARLING, I WILL UNDERSTAND ♪
♪ PUT YOUR SWEET LIPS
1499
00:55:37,735 --> 00:55:44,318
♪ DARLING, I WILL UNDERSTAND ♪
♪ PUT YOUR SWEET LIPS
A LITTLE CLOSER TO THE PHONE ♪
1500
00:55:44,342 --> 00:55:47,788
♪ PUT YOUR SWEET LIPS
A LITTLE CLOSER TO THE PHONE ♪
♪ LET'S PRETEND THAT WE'RE
1501
00:55:47,812 --> 00:55:54,027
A LITTLE CLOSER TO THE PHONE ♪
♪ LET'S PRETEND THAT WE'RE
TOGETHER AND ALL ALONE ♪
1502
00:55:54,051 --> 00:55:57,263
♪ LET'S PRETEND THAT WE'RE
TOGETHER AND ALL ALONE ♪
♪ I'LL TELL THE MAN TO TURN
1503
00:55:57,287 --> 00:56:03,637
TOGETHER AND ALL ALONE ♪
♪ I'LL TELL THE MAN TO TURN
THE JUKEBOX WAY DOWN LOW ♪
1504
00:56:03,661 --> 00:56:07,040
♪ I'LL TELL THE MAN TO TURN
THE JUKEBOX WAY DOWN LOW ♪
♪ AND YOU CAN TELL YOUR FRIEND
1505
00:56:07,064 --> 00:56:11,144
THE JUKEBOX WAY DOWN LOW ♪
♪ AND YOU CAN TELL YOUR FRIEND
THERE WITH YOU...
1506
00:56:11,168 --> 00:56:14,102
♪ AND YOU CAN TELL YOUR FRIEND
THERE WITH YOU...
HE'LL HAVE TO GO ♪
1507
00:56:26,015 --> 00:56:28,517
[APPLAUSE]
1508
00:56:51,808 --> 00:56:56,456
GOOD EVENING.
I'M MIKE O'DONOGHUE, OR MR. MIKE
AS MY FRIENDS LIKE TO CALL ME.
1509
00:56:56,480 --> 00:56:58,024
I'M MIKE O'DONOGHUE, OR MR. MIKE
AS MY FRIENDS LIKE TO CALL ME.
AND TONIGHT'S LEAST-LOVED
1510
00:56:58,048 --> 00:56:59,559
AS MY FRIENDS LIKE TO CALL ME.
AND TONIGHT'S LEAST-LOVED
BEDTIME TALE IS ENTITLED
1511
00:56:59,583 --> 00:57:02,362
AND TONIGHT'S LEAST-LOVED
BEDTIME TALE IS ENTITLED
"THE BLIND CHICKEN."
1512
00:57:02,386 --> 00:57:04,431
BEDTIME TALE IS ENTITLED
"THE BLIND CHICKEN."
THERE ONCE LIVED ON THE EDGE OF
1513
00:57:04,455 --> 00:57:06,400
"THE BLIND CHICKEN."
THERE ONCE LIVED ON THE EDGE OF
AN ALLIGATOR-INFESTED LAGOON A
1514
00:57:06,424 --> 00:57:07,501
THERE ONCE LIVED ON THE EDGE OF
AN ALLIGATOR-INFESTED LAGOON A
BLIND CHICKEN.
1515
00:57:07,525 --> 00:57:09,969
AN ALLIGATOR-INFESTED LAGOON A
BLIND CHICKEN.
HE WAS VERY HAPPY, OR ABOUT AS
1516
00:57:09,993 --> 00:57:12,506
BLIND CHICKEN.
HE WAS VERY HAPPY, OR ABOUT AS
HAPPY AS YOU CAN BE IF YOU'RE A
1517
00:57:12,530 --> 00:57:13,840
HE WAS VERY HAPPY, OR ABOUT AS
HAPPY AS YOU CAN BE IF YOU'RE A
BLIND CHICKEN.
1518
00:57:13,864 --> 00:57:15,909
HAPPY AS YOU CAN BE IF YOU'RE A
BLIND CHICKEN.
ONE DAY THERE WAS A KNOCK ON THE
1519
00:57:15,933 --> 00:57:17,110
BLIND CHICKEN.
ONE DAY THERE WAS A KNOCK ON THE
DOOR OF HIS COOP.
1520
00:57:17,134 --> 00:57:18,512
ONE DAY THERE WAS A KNOCK ON THE
DOOR OF HIS COOP.
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.
1521
00:57:18,536 --> 00:57:19,746
DOOR OF HIS COOP.
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.
"WHO IS IT?" ASKED THE CHICKEN.
1522
00:57:19,770 --> 00:57:21,314
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.
"WHO IS IT?" ASKED THE CHICKEN.
"I'M A... A... OH, WHAT DO YOU
1523
00:57:21,338 --> 00:57:22,348
"WHO IS IT?" ASKED THE CHICKEN.
"I'M A... A... OH, WHAT DO YOU
CALL THOSE THINGS?
1524
00:57:22,372 --> 00:57:24,017
"I'M A... A... OH, WHAT DO YOU
CALL THOSE THINGS?
THEY'RE YELLOW AND THEY HAVE THE
1525
00:57:24,041 --> 00:57:24,751
CALL THOSE THINGS?
THEY'RE YELLOW AND THEY HAVE THE
WEBBED FEET.
1526
00:57:24,775 --> 00:57:26,420
THEY'RE YELLOW AND THEY HAVE THE
WEBBED FEET.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
1527
00:57:26,444 --> 00:57:27,754
WEBBED FEET.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
THEY'RE ALWAYS SPLASHING AROUND
1528
00:57:27,778 --> 00:57:29,122
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
THEY'RE ALWAYS SPLASHING AROUND
IN THE WATER, AND THEY GO QUACK
1529
00:57:29,146 --> 00:57:29,823
THEY'RE ALWAYS SPLASHING AROUND
IN THE WATER, AND THEY GO QUACK
OR SOMETHING."
1530
00:57:29,847 --> 00:57:31,758
IN THE WATER, AND THEY GO QUACK
OR SOMETHING."
"A DUCK?" SUGGESTED THE CHICKEN.
1531
00:57:31,782 --> 00:57:33,727
OR SOMETHING."
"A DUCK?" SUGGESTED THE CHICKEN.
"UH, YEAH, THAT'S IT," THE VOICE
1532
00:57:33,751 --> 00:57:34,461
"A DUCK?" SUGGESTED THE CHICKEN.
"UH, YEAH, THAT'S IT," THE VOICE
ANSWERED.
1533
00:57:34,485 --> 00:57:35,395
"UH, YEAH, THAT'S IT," THE VOICE
ANSWERED.
"I'M A DUCK."
1534
00:57:35,419 --> 00:57:36,763
ANSWERED.
"I'M A DUCK."
"OH, COME RIGHT IN, MR. DUCK,"
1535
00:57:36,787 --> 00:57:38,164
"I'M A DUCK."
"OH, COME RIGHT IN, MR. DUCK,"
SAID THE CHICKEN, UNLOCKING THE
1536
00:57:38,188 --> 00:57:38,565
"OH, COME RIGHT IN, MR. DUCK,"
SAID THE CHICKEN, UNLOCKING THE
DOOR.
1537
00:57:38,589 --> 00:57:39,933
SAID THE CHICKEN, UNLOCKING THE
DOOR.
"YOU KNOW, FOR A SECOND THERE,
1538
00:57:39,957 --> 00:57:41,367
DOOR.
"YOU KNOW, FOR A SECOND THERE,
I WAS AFRAID YOU MIGHT BE ONE OF
1539
00:57:41,391 --> 00:57:42,669
"YOU KNOW, FOR A SECOND THERE,
I WAS AFRAID YOU MIGHT BE ONE OF
THOSE ALLIGATORS THAT INFEST
1540
00:57:42,693 --> 00:57:44,504
I WAS AFRAID YOU MIGHT BE ONE OF
THOSE ALLIGATORS THAT INFEST
THE... AAH!
1541
00:57:44,528 --> 00:57:47,641
THOSE ALLIGATORS THAT INFEST
THE... AAH!
OHH! OHH!"
1542
00:57:47,665 --> 00:57:48,875
THE... AAH!
OHH! OHH!"
AND THE ALLIGATOR ATE THE
1543
00:57:48,899 --> 00:57:50,811
OHH! OHH!"
AND THE ALLIGATOR ATE THE
CHICKEN.
1544
00:57:50,835 --> 00:57:52,245
AND THE ALLIGATOR ATE THE
CHICKEN.
UH, THAT'S ABOUT IT EXCEPT
1545
00:57:52,269 --> 00:57:53,847
CHICKEN.
UH, THAT'S ABOUT IT EXCEPT
THREE, FOUR MONTHS LATER, THE
1546
00:57:53,871 --> 00:57:55,582
UH, THAT'S ABOUT IT EXCEPT
THREE, FOUR MONTHS LATER, THE
ALLIGATOR WAS SUNNING HIMSELF ON
1547
00:57:55,606 --> 00:57:57,317
THREE, FOUR MONTHS LATER, THE
ALLIGATOR WAS SUNNING HIMSELF ON
THE HIGHWAY, AND HE WAS RUN OVER
1548
00:57:57,341 --> 00:57:59,820
ALLIGATOR WAS SUNNING HIMSELF ON
THE HIGHWAY, AND HE WAS RUN OVER
BY A BUS, A BIG GREYHOUND
1549
00:57:59,844 --> 00:58:00,921
THE HIGHWAY, AND HE WAS RUN OVER
BY A BUS, A BIG GREYHOUND
SCENE-A-CRUISER.
1550
00:58:00,945 --> 00:58:02,422
BY A BUS, A BIG GREYHOUND
SCENE-A-CRUISER.
NO, WAIT, I'M SORRY, I WAS JUST
1551
00:58:02,446 --> 00:58:02,956
SCENE-A-CRUISER.
NO, WAIT, I'M SORRY, I WAS JUST
KIDDING.
1552
00:58:02,980 --> 00:58:04,390
NO, WAIT, I'M SORRY, I WAS JUST
KIDDING.
WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED WAS THE
1553
00:58:04,414 --> 00:58:05,725
KIDDING.
WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED WAS THE
ALLIGATOR WAS IN THE FOREST
1554
00:58:05,749 --> 00:58:07,260
WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED WAS THE
ALLIGATOR WAS IN THE FOREST
SUNNING HIMSELF ON A LOG WHEN HE
1555
00:58:07,284 --> 00:58:08,662
ALLIGATOR WAS IN THE FOREST
SUNNING HIMSELF ON A LOG WHEN HE
WAS RUN OVER BY A HOVERCRAFT.
1556
00:58:08,686 --> 00:58:12,499
SUNNING HIMSELF ON A LOG WHEN HE
WAS RUN OVER BY A HOVERCRAFT.
IN ANY CASE, HE WAS JUST MASHED.
1557
00:58:12,523 --> 00:58:15,602
WAS RUN OVER BY A HOVERCRAFT.
IN ANY CASE, HE WAS JUST MASHED.
THE END.
1558
00:58:15,626 --> 00:58:17,203
IN ANY CASE, HE WAS JUST MASHED.
THE END.
IN CLOSING, I WOULD LIKE TO
1559
00:58:17,227 --> 00:58:18,839
THE END.
IN CLOSING, I WOULD LIKE TO
LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
1560
00:58:18,863 --> 00:58:19,639
IN CLOSING, I WOULD LIKE TO
LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
ABOUT LOVE.
1561
00:58:19,663 --> 00:58:21,374
LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
ABOUT LOVE.
LOVE IS A DEATH CAMP IN A
1562
00:58:21,398 --> 00:58:22,141
ABOUT LOVE.
LOVE IS A DEATH CAMP IN A
COSTUME.
1563
00:58:22,165 --> 00:58:24,310
LOVE IS A DEATH CAMP IN A
COSTUME.
GOOD NIGHT.
1564
00:58:24,334 --> 00:58:26,301
COSTUME.
GOOD NIGHT.
[APPLAUSE]
1565
00:58:38,748 --> 00:58:43,930
NBC HAS ASKED THAT WE TAKE
PART IN A SURVEY, AND THERE ARE
TWO RESEARCH SCIENTISTS HERE FOR
1566
00:58:43,954 --> 00:58:45,799
PART IN A SURVEY, AND THERE ARE
TWO RESEARCH SCIENTISTS HERE FOR
THAT, SO WILL YOU PLEASE WELCOME
1567
00:58:45,823 --> 00:58:47,166
TWO RESEARCH SCIENTISTS HERE FOR
THAT, SO WILL YOU PLEASE WELCOME
DOCTORS FRANKEN AND DAVIS, IS
1568
00:58:47,190 --> 00:58:48,167
THAT, SO WILL YOU PLEASE WELCOME
DOCTORS FRANKEN AND DAVIS, IS
IT?
1569
00:58:48,191 --> 00:58:53,206
DOCTORS FRANKEN AND DAVIS, IS
IT?
YES, THANK YOU.
1570
00:58:53,230 --> 00:58:53,974
IT?
YES, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
1571
00:58:53,998 --> 00:58:55,441
YES, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND
1572
00:58:55,465 --> 00:58:56,209
THANK YOU.
GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN.
1573
00:58:56,233 --> 00:58:57,844
GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN.
I'M DR. THOMAS JAMES DAVIS.
1574
00:58:57,868 --> 00:58:59,312
GENTLEMEN.
I'M DR. THOMAS JAMES DAVIS.
THIS IS MY... THIS IS MY
1575
00:58:59,336 --> 00:59:01,114
I'M DR. THOMAS JAMES DAVIS.
THIS IS MY... THIS IS MY
ASSOCIATE, DR. ALAN S. FRANKEN.
1576
00:59:01,138 --> 00:59:02,616
THIS IS MY... THIS IS MY
ASSOCIATE, DR. ALAN S. FRANKEN.
WE'RE FROM JOHNS HOPKINS
1577
00:59:02,640 --> 00:59:03,984
ASSOCIATE, DR. ALAN S. FRANKEN.
WE'RE FROM JOHNS HOPKINS
DEPARTMENT OF SEMANTIC
1578
00:59:04,008 --> 00:59:04,784
WE'RE FROM JOHNS HOPKINS
DEPARTMENT OF SEMANTIC
PSYCHOLOGY.
1579
00:59:04,808 --> 00:59:06,553
DEPARTMENT OF SEMANTIC
PSYCHOLOGY.
NOT, OF COURSE, TO BE CONFUSED
1580
00:59:06,577 --> 00:59:08,354
PSYCHOLOGY.
NOT, OF COURSE, TO BE CONFUSED
WITH SEMITIC PSYCHOLOGY, WHICH
1581
00:59:08,378 --> 00:59:10,223
NOT, OF COURSE, TO BE CONFUSED
WITH SEMITIC PSYCHOLOGY, WHICH
IS A DIFFERENT STORY ALTOGETHER.
1582
00:59:10,247 --> 00:59:11,424
WITH SEMITIC PSYCHOLOGY, WHICH
IS A DIFFERENT STORY ALTOGETHER.
[LAUGHS]
1583
00:59:11,448 --> 00:59:12,692
IS A DIFFERENT STORY ALTOGETHER.
[LAUGHS]
THANK YOU.
1584
00:59:12,716 --> 00:59:14,027
[LAUGHS]
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
1585
00:59:14,051 --> 00:59:16,429
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
WE ARE CONDUCTING A SURVEY FOR
1586
00:59:16,453 --> 00:59:18,798
THANK YOU.
WE ARE CONDUCTING A SURVEY FOR
NBC STUDYING THE PSYCHODYNAMIC
1587
00:59:18,822 --> 00:59:21,334
WE ARE CONDUCTING A SURVEY FOR
NBC STUDYING THE PSYCHODYNAMIC
RELATIONSHIP OF WORDS AND HUMOR.
1588
00:59:21,358 --> 00:59:23,803
NBC STUDYING THE PSYCHODYNAMIC
RELATIONSHIP OF WORDS AND HUMOR.
WHY, FOR EXAMPLE, DOES THE WORD
1589
00:59:23,827 --> 00:59:26,039
RELATIONSHIP OF WORDS AND HUMOR.
WHY, FOR EXAMPLE, DOES THE WORD
"POTATO" NEVER FAIL TO GET A
1590
00:59:26,063 --> 00:59:26,806
WHY, FOR EXAMPLE, DOES THE WORD
"POTATO" NEVER FAIL TO GET A
LAUGH?
1591
00:59:26,830 --> 00:59:29,042
"POTATO" NEVER FAIL TO GET A
LAUGH?
[CHUCKLES]
1592
00:59:29,066 --> 00:59:30,343
LAUGH?
[CHUCKLES]
THANK YOU.
1593
00:59:30,367 --> 00:59:32,178
[CHUCKLES]
THANK YOU.
SO... THANK YOU.
1594
00:59:32,202 --> 00:59:33,914
THANK YOU.
SO... THANK YOU.
SO, WE HAVE CHOSEN... WE ARE
1595
00:59:33,938 --> 00:59:35,649
SO... THANK YOU.
SO, WE HAVE CHOSEN... WE ARE
GOING TO USE THIS TECHNIQUE,
1596
00:59:35,673 --> 00:59:37,617
SO, WE HAVE CHOSEN... WE ARE
GOING TO USE THIS TECHNIQUE,
THEN, TO MEASURE YOUR AUDIENCE
1597
00:59:37,641 --> 00:59:39,452
GOING TO USE THIS TECHNIQUE,
THEN, TO MEASURE YOUR AUDIENCE
LAUGH RESPONSE TONIGHT TO FIVE
1598
00:59:39,476 --> 00:59:41,354
THEN, TO MEASURE YOUR AUDIENCE
LAUGH RESPONSE TONIGHT TO FIVE
WORDS WHICH WE'VE SELECTED FROM
1599
00:59:41,378 --> 00:59:42,923
LAUGH RESPONSE TONIGHT TO FIVE
WORDS WHICH WE'VE SELECTED FROM
THE DICTIONARY AT RANDOM.
1600
00:59:42,947 --> 00:59:44,524
WORDS WHICH WE'VE SELECTED FROM
THE DICTIONARY AT RANDOM.
NOW, TO DO THIS, WE HAVE THE
1601
00:59:44,548 --> 00:59:46,359
THE DICTIONARY AT RANDOM.
NOW, TO DO THIS, WE HAVE THE
LATEST IN EQUIPMENT DEVELOPED IN
1602
00:59:46,383 --> 00:59:48,061
NOW, TO DO THIS, WE HAVE THE
LATEST IN EQUIPMENT DEVELOPED IN
THIS FIELD BY MY ASSOCIATE AND
1603
00:59:48,085 --> 00:59:48,662
LATEST IN EQUIPMENT DEVELOPED IN
THIS FIELD BY MY ASSOCIATE AND
MYSELF.
1604
00:59:48,686 --> 00:59:50,229
THIS FIELD BY MY ASSOCIATE AND
MYSELF.
WE WILL BE WORKING WITH THE
1605
00:59:50,253 --> 00:59:51,497
MYSELF.
WE WILL BE WORKING WITH THE
LAUGH-O-GRAPH AND THE
1606
00:59:51,521 --> 00:59:53,166
WE WILL BE WORKING WITH THE
LAUGH-O-GRAPH AND THE
TEE-HEE-OMETER, WHICH WE HAVE
1607
00:59:53,190 --> 00:59:55,401
LAUGH-O-GRAPH AND THE
TEE-HEE-OMETER, WHICH WE HAVE
SYNTHESIZED.
1608
00:59:55,425 --> 00:59:57,837
TEE-HEE-OMETER, WHICH WE HAVE
SYNTHESIZED.
SOMETIMES WHEN WE'RE JUST
1609
00:59:57,861 --> 01:00:00,406
SYNTHESIZED.
SOMETIMES WHEN WE'RE JUST
JOKING AROUND THE LAB, WE CALL
1610
01:00:00,430 --> 01:00:04,578
SOMETIMES WHEN WE'RE JUST
JOKING AROUND THE LAB, WE CALL
IT THE HARDY-HAR-DIOGRAPH.
1611
01:00:04,602 --> 01:00:06,279
JOKING AROUND THE LAB, WE CALL
IT THE HARDY-HAR-DIOGRAPH.
TRUE STORY!
1612
01:00:06,303 --> 01:00:08,949
IT THE HARDY-HAR-DIOGRAPH.
TRUE STORY!
TRUE STORY!
1613
01:00:08,973 --> 01:00:10,984
TRUE STORY!
TRUE STORY!
GETS A LITTLE ZANY SOMETIMES IN
1614
01:00:11,008 --> 01:00:11,718
TRUE STORY!
GETS A LITTLE ZANY SOMETIMES IN
THE LAB.
1615
01:00:11,742 --> 01:00:13,286
GETS A LITTLE ZANY SOMETIMES IN
THE LAB.
AT ANY RATE, USING THIS
1616
01:00:13,310 --> 01:00:15,121
THE LAB.
AT ANY RATE, USING THIS
EQUIPMENT, WE'LL BE ABLE TO
1617
01:00:15,145 --> 01:00:16,756
AT ANY RATE, USING THIS
EQUIPMENT, WE'LL BE ABLE TO
IMMEDIATELY COMPUTE YOUR
1618
01:00:16,780 --> 01:00:18,391
EQUIPMENT, WE'LL BE ABLE TO
IMMEDIATELY COMPUTE YOUR
AUDIENCE LAUGH RESPONSE.
1619
01:00:18,415 --> 01:00:20,126
IMMEDIATELY COMPUTE YOUR
AUDIENCE LAUGH RESPONSE.
SO IF YOU'RE ALL READY NOW, AS I
1620
01:00:20,150 --> 01:00:21,494
AUDIENCE LAUGH RESPONSE.
SO IF YOU'RE ALL READY NOW, AS I
KNOW I AM, I'LL HAND THE
1621
01:00:21,518 --> 01:00:23,196
SO IF YOU'RE ALL READY NOW, AS I
KNOW I AM, I'LL HAND THE
OFFICIAL SURVEY INSTRUCTIONS TO
1622
01:00:23,220 --> 01:00:24,064
KNOW I AM, I'LL HAND THE
OFFICIAL SURVEY INSTRUCTIONS TO
MY ASSOCIATE.
1623
01:00:24,088 --> 01:00:25,665
OFFICIAL SURVEY INSTRUCTIONS TO
MY ASSOCIATE.
HE'LL BREAK THE SEAL AND READ
1624
01:00:25,689 --> 01:00:26,499
MY ASSOCIATE.
HE'LL BREAK THE SEAL AND READ
THE INSTRUCTIONS.
1625
01:00:26,523 --> 01:00:27,934
HE'LL BREAK THE SEAL AND READ
THE INSTRUCTIONS.
WE'LL BE ABLE TO BEGIN TONIGHT'S
1626
01:00:27,958 --> 01:00:28,401
THE INSTRUCTIONS.
WE'LL BE ABLE TO BEGIN TONIGHT'S
SURVEY.
1627
01:00:28,425 --> 01:00:29,736
WE'LL BE ABLE TO BEGIN TONIGHT'S
SURVEY.
SO I'LL HAND THE FLOOR OVER TO
1628
01:00:29,760 --> 01:00:30,937
SURVEY.
SO I'LL HAND THE FLOOR OVER TO
MY ASSOCIATE, DR. FRANKEN.
1629
01:00:30,961 --> 01:00:32,305
SO I'LL HAND THE FLOOR OVER TO
MY ASSOCIATE, DR. FRANKEN.
THANK YOU, DR. DAVIS.
1630
01:00:32,329 --> 01:00:34,007
MY ASSOCIATE, DR. FRANKEN.
THANK YOU, DR. DAVIS.
YOU'RE WELCOME, DR. FRANKEN.
1631
01:00:34,031 --> 01:00:35,341
THANK YOU, DR. DAVIS.
YOU'RE WELCOME, DR. FRANKEN.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
1632
01:00:35,365 --> 01:00:36,275
YOU'RE WELCOME, DR. FRANKEN.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
JUST START.
1633
01:00:36,299 --> 01:00:37,043
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
JUST START.
JUST START.
1634
01:00:37,067 --> 01:00:39,112
JUST START.
JUST START.
JUST START.
1635
01:00:39,136 --> 01:00:40,714
JUST START.
JUST START.
THE OFFICIAL AUDIENCE
1636
01:00:40,738 --> 01:00:42,582
JUST START.
THE OFFICIAL AUDIENCE
INSTRUCTIONS.
1637
01:00:42,606 --> 01:00:44,550
THE OFFICIAL AUDIENCE
INSTRUCTIONS.
TRY TO AVOID UNNECESSARY
1638
01:00:44,574 --> 01:00:48,287
INSTRUCTIONS.
TRY TO AVOID UNNECESSARY
ASSOCIATIONS WITH SEXUALITY,
1639
01:00:48,311 --> 01:00:54,116
TRY TO AVOID UNNECESSARY
ASSOCIATIONS WITH SEXUALITY,
BESTIALITY, ANALITY, THE...
1640
01:01:00,056 --> 01:01:08,056
F-FEMALE MAMMARY GLANDS.
OR THE...
FALLOPIAN TUBES.
1641
01:01:17,675 --> 01:01:19,986
OR THE...
FALLOPIAN TUBES.
TRY TO KEEP YOUR MINDS AS BLANK
1642
01:01:20,010 --> 01:01:21,121
FALLOPIAN TUBES.
TRY TO KEEP YOUR MINDS AS BLANK
AS POSSIBLE.
1643
01:01:21,145 --> 01:01:23,523
TRY TO KEEP YOUR MINDS AS BLANK
AS POSSIBLE.
IT MAY BE HELPFUL TO THINK ABOUT
1644
01:01:23,547 --> 01:01:26,993
AS POSSIBLE.
IT MAY BE HELPFUL TO THINK ABOUT
TV BOWLING.
1645
01:01:27,017 --> 01:01:29,195
IT MAY BE HELPFUL TO THINK ABOUT
TV BOWLING.
READY?
1646
01:01:29,219 --> 01:01:31,330
TV BOWLING.
READY?
WORD NUMBER ONE.
1647
01:01:31,354 --> 01:01:33,232
READY?
WORD NUMBER ONE.
WAZOO.
1648
01:01:33,256 --> 01:01:35,190
WORD NUMBER ONE.
WAZOO.
[LIGHT CHUCKLING]
1649
01:01:40,429 --> 01:01:47,981
WORD NUMBER TWO.
VASELINE.
[LIGHT LAUGHTER]
1650
01:01:48,005 --> 01:01:51,051
VASELINE.
[LIGHT LAUGHTER]
WORD NUMBER THREE.
1651
01:01:51,075 --> 01:01:52,941
[LIGHT LAUGHTER]
WORD NUMBER THREE.
SAND.
1652
01:01:58,647 --> 01:02:00,682
WORD NUMBER FOUR.
1653
01:02:08,157 --> 01:02:11,860
F-FINGER.
[LAUGHTER]
1654
01:02:17,934 --> 01:02:23,083
FINALLY, WORD NUMBER FIVE.
PUBIC.
[LAUGHTER]
1655
01:02:23,107 --> 01:02:24,450
PUBIC.
[LAUGHTER]
PUBLIC.
1656
01:02:24,474 --> 01:02:28,822
[LAUGHTER]
PUBLIC.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
1657
01:02:28,846 --> 01:02:30,256
PUBLIC.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU VERY
1658
01:02:30,280 --> 01:02:31,791
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU VERY
MUCH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOR
1659
01:02:31,815 --> 01:02:33,193
ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU VERY
MUCH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOR
YOUR VERY KIND COOPERATION.
1660
01:02:33,217 --> 01:02:34,694
MUCH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOR
YOUR VERY KIND COOPERATION.
NOW IF THE EQUIPMENT HAS BEEN
1661
01:02:34,718 --> 01:02:36,196
YOUR VERY KIND COOPERATION.
NOW IF THE EQUIPMENT HAS BEEN
OPERATING PROPERLY, WE SHOULD
1662
01:02:36,220 --> 01:02:37,697
NOW IF THE EQUIPMENT HAS BEEN
OPERATING PROPERLY, WE SHOULD
HAVE THE RESULTS TO TONIGHT'S
1663
01:02:37,721 --> 01:02:39,232
OPERATING PROPERLY, WE SHOULD
HAVE THE RESULTS TO TONIGHT'S
SURVEY, SO I'LL HAND THE FLOOR
1664
01:02:39,256 --> 01:02:40,734
HAVE THE RESULTS TO TONIGHT'S
SURVEY, SO I'LL HAND THE FLOOR
TO MY ASSOCIATE, DR. FRANKEN,
1665
01:02:40,758 --> 01:02:42,202
SURVEY, SO I'LL HAND THE FLOOR
TO MY ASSOCIATE, DR. FRANKEN,
FOR THE RESULTS OF TONIGHT'S
1666
01:02:42,226 --> 01:02:42,736
TO MY ASSOCIATE, DR. FRANKEN,
FOR THE RESULTS OF TONIGHT'S
SURVEY.
1667
01:02:42,760 --> 01:02:43,502
FOR THE RESULTS OF TONIGHT'S
SURVEY.
DR. FRANKEN.
1668
01:02:43,526 --> 01:02:44,470
SURVEY.
DR. FRANKEN.
THERE WE GO.
1669
01:02:44,494 --> 01:02:45,371
DR. FRANKEN.
THERE WE GO.
[CLEARS THROAT]
1670
01:02:45,395 --> 01:02:47,207
THERE WE GO.
[CLEARS THROAT]
THE OFFICIAL... THANK YOU, BY
1671
01:02:47,231 --> 01:02:48,507
[CLEARS THROAT]
THE OFFICIAL... THANK YOU, BY
THE WAY, DR. DAVIS.
1672
01:02:48,531 --> 01:02:51,611
THE OFFICIAL... THANK YOU, BY
THE WAY, DR. DAVIS.
YOU'RE WELCOME, DR. FRANKEN!
1673
01:02:51,635 --> 01:02:52,779
THE WAY, DR. DAVIS.
YOU'RE WELCOME, DR. FRANKEN!
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
1674
01:02:52,803 --> 01:02:54,413
YOU'RE WELCOME, DR. FRANKEN!
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
OKAY, OKAY.
1675
01:02:54,437 --> 01:02:57,784
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
OKAY, OKAY.
THE OFFICIAL AUDIENCE RESULTS.
1676
01:02:57,808 --> 01:02:59,619
OKAY, OKAY.
THE OFFICIAL AUDIENCE RESULTS.
THIS AUDIENCE RANKS IN THE
1677
01:02:59,643 --> 01:03:02,822
THE OFFICIAL AUDIENCE RESULTS.
THIS AUDIENCE RANKS IN THE
LOWEST PERCENTILE IN THE NATION
1678
01:03:02,846 --> 01:03:04,624
THIS AUDIENCE RANKS IN THE
LOWEST PERCENTILE IN THE NATION
IN TERMS OF MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL
1679
01:03:04,648 --> 01:03:06,760
LOWEST PERCENTILE IN THE NATION
IN TERMS OF MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL
STABILITY...
1680
01:03:06,784 --> 01:03:09,495
IN TERMS OF MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL
STABILITY...
BUT IN THE UPPER PERCENTILE HERE
1681
01:03:09,519 --> 01:03:11,397
STABILITY...
BUT IN THE UPPER PERCENTILE HERE
IN NEW YORK.
1682
01:03:11,421 --> 01:03:13,233
BUT IN THE UPPER PERCENTILE HERE
IN NEW YORK.
[LAUGHTER]
1683
01:03:13,257 --> 01:03:16,302
IN NEW YORK.
[LAUGHTER]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...
1684
01:03:16,326 --> 01:03:17,771
[LAUGHTER]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...
WE ARE NOT ACTUALLY RESEARCH
1685
01:03:17,795 --> 01:03:18,471
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...
WE ARE NOT ACTUALLY RESEARCH
SCIENTISTS.
1686
01:03:18,495 --> 01:03:19,672
WE ARE NOT ACTUALLY RESEARCH
SCIENTISTS.
ALLOW US TO REMOVE OUR
1687
01:03:19,696 --> 01:03:20,339
SCIENTISTS.
ALLOW US TO REMOVE OUR
DISGUISES.
1688
01:03:20,363 --> 01:03:21,975
ALLOW US TO REMOVE OUR
DISGUISES.
WE'RE THE COMEDY TEAM OF FRANKEN
1689
01:03:21,999 --> 01:03:22,642
DISGUISES.
WE'RE THE COMEDY TEAM OF FRANKEN
AND DAVIS.
1690
01:03:22,666 --> 01:03:24,110
WE'RE THE COMEDY TEAM OF FRANKEN
AND DAVIS.
THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT.
1691
01:03:24,134 --> 01:03:26,501
AND DAVIS.
THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT.
[APPLAUSE]
1692
01:03:45,321 --> 01:03:49,702
SAY, THIS IS ONE OF THOSE
MOMENTS THAT YOU DREAM ABOUT OR
HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT, BECAUSE
1693
01:03:49,726 --> 01:03:51,337
MOMENTS THAT YOU DREAM ABOUT OR
HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT, BECAUSE
WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WAY OVER,
1694
01:03:51,361 --> 01:03:52,939
HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT, BECAUSE
WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WAY OVER,
BUT WE HAVE ABOUT A MINUTE AND A
1695
01:03:52,963 --> 01:03:55,074
WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WAY OVER,
BUT WE HAVE ABOUT A MINUTE AND A
HALF TO KILL HERE.
1696
01:03:55,098 --> 01:03:56,776
BUT WE HAVE ABOUT A MINUTE AND A
HALF TO KILL HERE.
THIS IS A TRADITIONAL PART OF
1697
01:03:56,800 --> 01:03:58,411
HALF TO KILL HERE.
THIS IS A TRADITIONAL PART OF
THE SHOW WHERE THE HOST SAYS
1698
01:03:58,435 --> 01:04:00,180
THIS IS A TRADITIONAL PART OF
THE SHOW WHERE THE HOST SAYS
WHAT A WONDERFUL TIME HE'S HAD.
1699
01:04:00,204 --> 01:04:01,848
THE SHOW WHERE THE HOST SAYS
WHAT A WONDERFUL TIME HE'S HAD.
SO I'D SAY THAT VERY SLOWLY,
1700
01:04:01,872 --> 01:04:03,616
WHAT A WONDERFUL TIME HE'S HAD.
SO I'D SAY THAT VERY SLOWLY,
WHICH WOULD KILL THE TIME, OR I
1701
01:04:03,640 --> 01:04:05,318
SO I'D SAY THAT VERY SLOWLY,
WHICH WOULD KILL THE TIME, OR I
COULD TELL THE TRUTH AND TELL
1702
01:04:05,342 --> 01:04:07,120
WHICH WOULD KILL THE TIME, OR I
COULD TELL THE TRUTH AND TELL
YOU WHAT A ROTTEN TIME I'VE HAD
1703
01:04:07,144 --> 01:04:08,288
COULD TELL THE TRUTH AND TELL
YOU WHAT A ROTTEN TIME I'VE HAD
PLAYING THE PART OF
1704
01:04:08,312 --> 01:04:09,889
YOU WHAT A ROTTEN TIME I'VE HAD
PLAYING THE PART OF
ELLIOTT GOULD HERE TONIGHT.
1705
01:04:09,913 --> 01:04:11,457
PLAYING THE PART OF
ELLIOTT GOULD HERE TONIGHT.
BUT THAT ISN'T TRUE EITHER.
1706
01:04:11,481 --> 01:04:13,259
ELLIOTT GOULD HERE TONIGHT.
BUT THAT ISN'T TRUE EITHER.
THE FACT IS, THIS IS ONE OF THE
1707
01:04:13,283 --> 01:04:14,961
BUT THAT ISN'T TRUE EITHER.
THE FACT IS, THIS IS ONE OF THE
WITTIEST GROUPS OF PEOPLE I'VE
1708
01:04:14,985 --> 01:04:16,062
THE FACT IS, THIS IS ONE OF THE
WITTIEST GROUPS OF PEOPLE I'VE
EVER WORKED WITH.
1709
01:04:16,086 --> 01:04:19,232
WITTIEST GROUPS OF PEOPLE I'VE
EVER WORKED WITH.
WATCH THEM SAY...
1710
01:04:19,256 --> 01:04:23,602
EVER WORKED WITH.
WATCH THEM SAY...
[APPLAUSE]
1711
01:04:23,626 --> 01:04:27,307
WATCH THEM SAY...
[APPLAUSE]
THAT'S, UH...
1712
01:04:27,331 --> 01:04:28,274
[APPLAUSE]
THAT'S, UH...
NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
1713
01:04:28,298 --> 01:04:29,508
THAT'S, UH...
NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
THAT ISN'T HELPING BECAUSE WE
1714
01:04:29,532 --> 01:04:30,476
NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
THAT ISN'T HELPING BECAUSE WE
STILL HAVE SOME TIME.
1715
01:04:30,500 --> 01:04:31,744
THAT ISN'T HELPING BECAUSE WE
STILL HAVE SOME TIME.
I'VE GOT SOME STUFF LEFT OVER
1716
01:04:31,768 --> 01:04:33,012
STILL HAVE SOME TIME.
I'VE GOT SOME STUFF LEFT OVER
FROM "THE BIG EVENT," I DIDN'T
1717
01:04:33,036 --> 01:04:33,646
I'VE GOT SOME STUFF LEFT OVER
FROM "THE BIG EVENT," I DIDN'T
GET ON WITH.
1718
01:04:33,670 --> 01:04:34,714
FROM "THE BIG EVENT," I DIDN'T
GET ON WITH.
"THE CHICKEN."
1719
01:04:34,738 --> 01:04:37,050
GET ON WITH.
"THE CHICKEN."
AND I DO SOME MORE HAND SHADOWS.
1720
01:04:37,074 --> 01:04:38,651
"THE CHICKEN."
AND I DO SOME MORE HAND SHADOWS.
LET'S SEE WHAT ELSE.
1721
01:04:38,675 --> 01:04:39,853
AND I DO SOME MORE HAND SHADOWS.
LET'S SEE WHAT ELSE.
SAY SOMETHING.
1722
01:04:39,877 --> 01:04:41,654
LET'S SEE WHAT ELSE.
SAY SOMETHING.
SO I GUESS WE'RE ABOUT OUT OF
1723
01:04:41,678 --> 01:04:42,188
SAY SOMETHING.
SO I GUESS WE'RE ABOUT OUT OF
TIME.
1724
01:04:42,212 --> 01:04:43,556
SO I GUESS WE'RE ABOUT OUT OF
TIME.
THANK YOU. BLESS YOU.
1725
01:04:43,580 --> 01:04:45,424
TIME.
THANK YOU. BLESS YOU.
AND IF YOU'RE DRIVING, WHY THE
1726
01:04:45,448 --> 01:04:46,826
THANK YOU. BLESS YOU.
AND IF YOU'RE DRIVING, WHY THE
HELL ARE YOU WATCHING
1727
01:04:46,850 --> 01:04:47,660
AND IF YOU'RE DRIVING, WHY THE
HELL ARE YOU WATCHING
TELEVISION?
1728
01:04:47,684 --> 01:04:48,995
HELL ARE YOU WATCHING
TELEVISION?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING
1729
01:04:49,019 --> 01:04:49,829
TELEVISION?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING
ABOUT.
1730
01:04:49,853 --> 01:04:50,663
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING
ABOUT.
ARE WE OUT YET?
1731
01:04:50,687 --> 01:04:51,497
ABOUT.
ARE WE OUT YET?
IS IT OVER?
1732
01:04:51,521 --> 01:04:54,155
ARE WE OUT YET?
IS IT OVER?
[BAND PLAYS]
1733
01:05:18,214 --> 01:05:19,747
Announcer: NEXT SATURDAY
1734
01:05:19,882 --> 01:05:21,182
NIGHT, OUR HOST WILL BE
1735
01:05:21,317 --> 01:05:22,750
PAUL SIMON WITH A SPECIAL
1736
01:05:22,885 --> 01:05:24,152
RECORDED APPEARANCE BY
1737
01:05:24,287 --> 01:05:25,287
GEORGE HARRISON.
1738
01:05:25,388 --> 01:05:26,888
WASN'T HE ONE OF THE BEATLES OR
1739
01:05:27,023 --> 01:05:27,588
SOMETHING?
1740
01:05:27,723 --> 01:05:29,090
I DON'T KNOW, THEY WERE LONG
1741
01:05:29,225 --> 01:05:30,025
BEFORE MY TIME.
1742
01:05:30,159 --> 01:05:31,226
I ONLY GO BACK TO THE
1743
01:05:31,360 --> 01:05:31,993
MODERNAIRES.
1744
01:05:32,128 --> 01:05:36,531
♪ I'LL NEVER SMILE AGAIN ♪
1745
01:05:36,665 --> 01:05:39,200
♪ TILL I SMILE AT YOU ♪
1746
01:05:39,335 --> 01:05:41,069
THIS IS SMILIN' DON PARDO SAYING
1747
01:05:41,203 --> 01:05:42,404
GOOD NIGHT!
1748
01:05:42,538 --> 01:05:47,375
♪ I'LL NEVER LAUGH AGAIN ♪
1749
01:05:47,509 --> 01:05:50,946
♪ WHAT WOULD WE DO? ♪
1750
01:05:51,080 --> 01:05:56,418
♪ I'LL NEVER SMILE AGAIN ♪
1751
01:05:56,552 --> 01:05:58,453
[HUMMING]
193404
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