All language subtitles for SNL S02E05 Steve Martin.DVDRip.HI.RLP.cc.en.UNVSL

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,034 --> 00:00:04,547 WHAT ELSE CAN I SAY, BOYS? AS YOUR MANAGER, I WANTED TO WIN THIS WORLD SERIES AS MUCH AS 2 00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:05,015 AS YOUR MANAGER, I WANTED TO WIN THIS WORLD SERIES AS MUCH AS ANYBODY. 3 00:00:05,039 --> 00:00:06,216 THIS WORLD SERIES AS MUCH AS ANYBODY. NEW YORK DESERVES A WINNER. 4 00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:07,517 ANYBODY. NEW YORK DESERVES A WINNER. LOSING FOUR STRAIGHT GAMES WAS 5 00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:07,951 NEW YORK DESERVES A WINNER. LOSING FOUR STRAIGHT GAMES WAS ROUGH. 6 00:00:07,975 --> 00:00:09,353 LOSING FOUR STRAIGHT GAMES WAS ROUGH. BEING EJECTED FROM THE LAST GAME 7 00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:10,653 ROUGH. BEING EJECTED FROM THE LAST GAME MADE THINGS EVEN WORSE FOR ME. 8 00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:12,522 BEING EJECTED FROM THE LAST GAME MADE THINGS EVEN WORSE FOR ME. LOOK, THERE'S NOTHING SHAMEFUL 9 00:00:12,546 --> 00:00:14,124 MADE THINGS EVEN WORSE FOR ME. LOOK, THERE'S NOTHING SHAMEFUL ABOUT YOUR SHOWING IN THE 10 00:00:14,148 --> 00:00:14,757 LOOK, THERE'S NOTHING SHAMEFUL ABOUT YOUR SHOWING IN THE SERIES. 11 00:00:14,781 --> 00:00:15,925 ABOUT YOUR SHOWING IN THE SERIES. I MEAN, DON'T BLAME YOURSELVES. 12 00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:16,793 SERIES. I MEAN, DON'T BLAME YOURSELVES. IF ANYTHING, BLAME ME. 13 00:00:16,817 --> 00:00:17,794 I MEAN, DON'T BLAME YOURSELVES. IF ANYTHING, BLAME ME. I MADE THE SAME MISTAKES. 14 00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:18,996 IF ANYTHING, BLAME ME. I MADE THE SAME MISTAKES. MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE USED CATFISH 15 00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:19,762 I MADE THE SAME MISTAKES. MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE USED CATFISH IN THE FOURTH GAME. 16 00:00:19,786 --> 00:00:21,098 MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE USED CATFISH IN THE FOURTH GAME. I'M SORRY YOU WERE EMBARRASSED 17 00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:22,499 IN THE FOURTH GAME. I'M SORRY YOU WERE EMBARRASSED ON NATIONAL TELEVISION IN FRONT 18 00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:23,833 I'M SORRY YOU WERE EMBARRASSED ON NATIONAL TELEVISION IN FRONT OF MILLIONS OF PEOPLE, AND I'M 19 00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,202 ON NATIONAL TELEVISION IN FRONT OF MILLIONS OF PEOPLE, AND I'M SORRY THAT EACH ONE OF YOU LOST 20 00:00:25,226 --> 00:00:26,636 OF MILLIONS OF PEOPLE, AND I'M SORRY THAT EACH ONE OF YOU LOST THE BONUSES AND THE WORLD SERIES 21 00:00:26,660 --> 00:00:28,038 SORRY THAT EACH ONE OF YOU LOST THE BONUSES AND THE WORLD SERIES MONEY, NOT TO MENTION THE UNTOLD 22 00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:29,272 THE BONUSES AND THE WORLD SERIES MONEY, NOT TO MENTION THE UNTOLD OTHER MONEYS YOU COULD HAVE 23 00:00:29,296 --> 00:00:30,240 MONEY, NOT TO MENTION THE UNTOLD OTHER MONEYS YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN IN COMMERCIAL 24 00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:30,907 OTHER MONEYS YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN IN COMMERCIAL ENDORSEMENTS. 25 00:00:30,931 --> 00:00:32,109 GOTTEN IN COMMERCIAL ENDORSEMENTS. I'M SORRY. I LET YOU DOWN. 26 00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:35,278 ENDORSEMENTS. I'M SORRY. I LET YOU DOWN. IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN. 27 00:00:35,302 --> 00:00:38,048 I'M SORRY. I LET YOU DOWN. IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN. [PLAYERS MUMBLING] 28 00:00:38,072 --> 00:00:44,121 IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN. [PLAYERS MUMBLING] YOU BET IT WON'T, COACH. 29 00:00:44,145 --> 00:00:46,656 [PLAYERS MUMBLING] YOU BET IT WON'T, COACH. LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S 30 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:49,359 YOU BET IT WON'T, COACH. LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"! 31 00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,503 LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"! [BAND PLAYS] 32 00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,757 Announcer: NBC's 33 00:00:58,891 --> 00:01:03,362 "SATURDAY NIGHT." 34 00:01:03,496 --> 00:01:05,297 STARRING... 35 00:01:15,108 --> 00:01:16,908 WITH HIS GUESTS... 36 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:53,512 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, STEVE MARTIN! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 37 00:02:07,093 --> 00:02:11,774 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU. THIS IS TOO MUCH. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 38 00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:12,342 THANK YOU. THIS IS TOO MUCH. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. OKAY. 39 00:02:12,366 --> 00:02:13,610 THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. OKAY. [CLEARS THROAT] 40 00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,645 OKAY. [CLEARS THROAT] WELL, I DIDN'T EXPECT THIS. 41 00:02:15,669 --> 00:02:16,679 [CLEARS THROAT] WELL, I DIDN'T EXPECT THIS. [LAUGHTER] 42 00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:18,081 WELL, I DIDN'T EXPECT THIS. [LAUGHTER] THANK YOU VERY MUCH. OKAY. 43 00:02:18,105 --> 00:02:19,649 [LAUGHTER] THANK YOU VERY MUCH. OKAY. WE'RE HAVING SOME FUN NOW, EH, 44 00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:20,183 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. OKAY. WE'RE HAVING SOME FUN NOW, EH, FOLKS? 45 00:02:20,207 --> 00:02:21,518 WE'RE HAVING SOME FUN NOW, EH, FOLKS? OKAY, IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE IN 46 00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:22,051 FOLKS? OKAY, IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE IN NEW YORK. 47 00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:23,453 OKAY, IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE IN NEW YORK. I KNOW THAT SOUNDS PHONY 'CAUSE 48 00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:24,787 NEW YORK. I KNOW THAT SOUNDS PHONY 'CAUSE EVERY ENTERTAINER IN THE WORLD 49 00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:26,189 I KNOW THAT SOUNDS PHONY 'CAUSE EVERY ENTERTAINER IN THE WORLD COMES OUT, NO MATTER WHERE THEY 50 00:02:26,213 --> 00:02:27,491 EVERY ENTERTAINER IN THE WORLD COMES OUT, NO MATTER WHERE THEY ARE, AND THEY ALWAYS GO "HEY, 51 00:02:27,515 --> 00:02:28,825 COMES OUT, NO MATTER WHERE THEY ARE, AND THEY ALWAYS GO "HEY, IT'S REALLY GREAT TO BE HERE!" 52 00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:30,227 ARE, AND THEY ALWAYS GO "HEY, IT'S REALLY GREAT TO BE HERE!" AND IT REALLY SOUNDS FAKE. 53 00:02:30,251 --> 00:02:31,728 IT'S REALLY GREAT TO BE HERE!" AND IT REALLY SOUNDS FAKE. BUT, BELIEVE ME, I AM SINCERE 54 00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:33,263 AND IT REALLY SOUNDS FAKE. BUT, BELIEVE ME, I AM SINCERE WHEN I SAY, "HEY, IT'S REALLY 55 00:02:33,287 --> 00:02:34,331 BUT, BELIEVE ME, I AM SINCERE WHEN I SAY, "HEY, IT'S REALLY GREAT TO BE HERE!" 56 00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:34,964 WHEN I SAY, "HEY, IT'S REALLY GREAT TO BE HERE!" OKAY. 57 00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:36,299 GREAT TO BE HERE!" OKAY. NO, SERIOUSLY, IT IS GREAT TO BE 58 00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:39,035 OKAY. NO, SERIOUSLY, IT IS GREAT TO BE HERE, AND, UM, WELL, ACTUALLY, 59 00:02:39,059 --> 00:02:42,038 NO, SERIOUSLY, IT IS GREAT TO BE HERE, AND, UM, WELL, ACTUALLY, IT'S GREAT TO BE... HERE. 60 00:02:42,062 --> 00:02:42,772 HERE, AND, UM, WELL, ACTUALLY, IT'S GREAT TO BE... HERE. OKAY, SO... 61 00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:44,241 IT'S GREAT TO BE... HERE. OKAY, SO... NO. IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE! 62 00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:45,908 OKAY, SO... NO. IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE! THIS IS WHERE IT'S GREAT TO BE. 63 00:02:45,932 --> 00:02:47,944 NO. IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE! THIS IS WHERE IT'S GREAT TO BE. NO! IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE, TOO! 64 00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:49,312 THIS IS WHERE IT'S GREAT TO BE. NO! IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE, TOO! BOY, I'LL NEVER FORGET HOW 65 00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:50,880 NO! IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE, TOO! BOY, I'LL NEVER FORGET HOW GREAT IT WAS TO BE OVER THERE. 66 00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:54,184 BOY, I'LL NEVER FORGET HOW GREAT IT WAS TO BE OVER THERE. OKAY, WE'RE MOVING NOW. 67 00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:58,255 GREAT IT WAS TO BE OVER THERE. OKAY, WE'RE MOVING NOW. EXCUSE ME. 68 00:02:58,279 --> 00:02:59,656 OKAY, WE'RE MOVING NOW. EXCUSE ME. ALL RIGHT. 69 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:02,692 EXCUSE ME. ALL RIGHT. [LAUGHTER] 70 00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:03,926 ALL RIGHT. [LAUGHTER] ARE WE ON? WE ARE. 71 00:03:03,950 --> 00:03:05,428 [LAUGHTER] ARE WE ON? WE ARE. OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. 72 00:03:05,452 --> 00:03:07,364 ARE WE ON? WE ARE. OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. TO OPEN THE SHOW, I ALWAYS LIKE 73 00:03:07,388 --> 00:03:08,831 OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. TO OPEN THE SHOW, I ALWAYS LIKE TO DO ONE THING THAT IS 74 00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:09,699 TO OPEN THE SHOW, I ALWAYS LIKE TO DO ONE THING THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE. 75 00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:11,234 TO DO ONE THING THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE. SO RIGHT NOW I'M GOING TO SUCK 76 00:03:11,258 --> 00:03:16,406 IMPOSSIBLE. SO RIGHT NOW I'M GOING TO SUCK THIS STOOL INTO MY LUNGS. 77 00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:17,574 SO RIGHT NOW I'M GOING TO SUCK THIS STOOL INTO MY LUNGS. OH, DARN. 78 00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:20,810 THIS STOOL INTO MY LUNGS. OH, DARN. OKAY. 79 00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:22,546 OH, DARN. OKAY. WELL, HERE'S SOMETHING YOU DON'T 80 00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:23,846 OKAY. WELL, HERE'S SOMETHING YOU DON'T OFTEN SEE. 81 00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:27,584 WELL, HERE'S SOMETHING YOU DON'T OFTEN SEE. UHH! UHH! 82 00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:28,685 OFTEN SEE. UHH! UHH! OKAY. 83 00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,920 UHH! UHH! OKAY. UM, YOU KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE 84 00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:31,954 OKAY. UM, YOU KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE COME TO ME. 85 00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:33,856 UM, YOU KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE COME TO ME. THEY SAY, "STEVE, HOW CAN YOU BE 86 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:34,891 COME TO ME. THEY SAY, "STEVE, HOW CAN YOU BE SO DAMN FUNNY?" 87 00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:36,560 THEY SAY, "STEVE, HOW CAN YOU BE SO DAMN FUNNY?" WELL, UH, I'M KIND OF GETTING 88 00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:38,295 SO DAMN FUNNY?" WELL, UH, I'M KIND OF GETTING OUT OF THE COMEDY THING NOW... 89 00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:39,696 WELL, UH, I'M KIND OF GETTING OUT OF THE COMEDY THING NOW... GETTING MORE INTO THE MUSIC... 90 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:40,930 OUT OF THE COMEDY THING NOW... GETTING MORE INTO THE MUSIC... SO I'D LIKE TO DO A BANJO 91 00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,065 GETTING MORE INTO THE MUSIC... SO I'D LIKE TO DO A BANJO TUNE FOR YOU RIGHT NOW. 92 00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:43,032 SO I'D LIKE TO DO A BANJO TUNE FOR YOU RIGHT NOW. HERE WE GO. 93 00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:44,033 TUNE FOR YOU RIGHT NOW. HERE WE GO. [APPLAUSE] 94 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:48,771 HERE WE GO. [APPLAUSE] THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU. 95 00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:50,340 [APPLAUSE] THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU. I DON'T DESERVE IT. 96 00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:51,308 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU. I DON'T DESERVE IT. ALL RIGHT. 97 00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:52,676 I DON'T DESERVE IT. ALL RIGHT. WAS IT FREE TO GET IN? 98 00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:53,276 ALL RIGHT. WAS IT FREE TO GET IN? YES! 99 00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:54,578 WAS IT FREE TO GET IN? YES! IT'S FREE? OKAY. 100 00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:56,513 YES! IT'S FREE? OKAY. GET YOUR MONEY'S WORTH ON THIS. 101 00:03:56,537 --> 00:03:57,447 IT'S FREE? OKAY. GET YOUR MONEY'S WORTH ON THIS. [LAUGHTER] 102 00:03:57,471 --> 00:03:58,781 GET YOUR MONEY'S WORTH ON THIS. [LAUGHTER] OKAY, IT DOESN'T MATTER IF IT'S 103 00:03:58,805 --> 00:03:59,916 [LAUGHTER] OKAY, IT DOESN'T MATTER IF IT'S FREE TO GET IN, WHATEVER. 104 00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:02,319 OKAY, IT DOESN'T MATTER IF IT'S FREE TO GET IN, WHATEVER. WE'RE ON NETWORK, BIG SHOW. 105 00:04:02,343 --> 00:04:03,420 FREE TO GET IN, WHATEVER. WE'RE ON NETWORK, BIG SHOW. YOU'RE EXPECTING TO SEE A 106 00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:04,721 WE'RE ON NETWORK, BIG SHOW. YOU'RE EXPECTING TO SEE A PROFESSIONAL SHOW, SO LET'S NOT 107 00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:05,655 YOU'RE EXPECTING TO SEE A PROFESSIONAL SHOW, SO LET'S NOT WASTE ANY MORE TIME. 108 00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:06,923 PROFESSIONAL SHOW, SO LET'S NOT WASTE ANY MORE TIME. HERE WE GO WITH... PROFESSIONAL 109 00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:07,624 WASTE ANY MORE TIME. HERE WE GO WITH... PROFESSIONAL SHOW BUSINESS! 110 00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:12,429 HERE WE GO WITH... PROFESSIONAL SHOW BUSINESS! LET'S GO! HEY! 111 00:04:12,453 --> 00:04:14,931 SHOW BUSINESS! LET'S GO! HEY! THAT AIN'T BAD. ALL RIGHT. 112 00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:15,998 LET'S GO! HEY! THAT AIN'T BAD. ALL RIGHT. HERE WE GO. 113 00:04:16,022 --> 00:04:19,769 THAT AIN'T BAD. ALL RIGHT. HERE WE GO. [PLAYS RHYTHMIC RIFF] 114 00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:22,205 HERE WE GO. [PLAYS RHYTHMIC RIFF] HEY, THIS GUY'S GOOD. 115 00:04:22,229 --> 00:04:26,576 [PLAYS RHYTHMIC RIFF] HEY, THIS GUY'S GOOD. [LAUGHTER] 116 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:27,777 HEY, THIS GUY'S GOOD. [LAUGHTER] ♪ WELL, I'M RAMBLIN' ♪ 117 00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:28,778 [LAUGHTER] ♪ WELL, I'M RAMBLIN' ♪ ♪ RAMBLIN' 'ROUND ♪ 118 00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:29,746 ♪ WELL, I'M RAMBLIN' ♪ ♪ RAMBLIN' 'ROUND ♪ ♪ I'M A RAMBLIN' GUY ♪ 119 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:30,447 ♪ RAMBLIN' 'ROUND ♪ ♪ I'M A RAMBLIN' GUY ♪ ♪ I'M RAMBLIN' ♪ 120 00:04:30,471 --> 00:04:31,314 ♪ I'M A RAMBLIN' GUY ♪ ♪ I'M RAMBLIN' ♪ ♪ OH, YES, OH, YES ♪ 121 00:04:31,338 --> 00:04:33,816 ♪ I'M RAMBLIN' ♪ ♪ OH, YES, OH, YES ♪ [WHISTLES] 122 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:36,152 ♪ OH, YES, OH, YES ♪ [WHISTLES] FREE TO GET IN. 123 00:04:36,176 --> 00:04:37,287 [WHISTLES] FREE TO GET IN. ♪ I'M A RAMBLIN' GUY ♪ 124 00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:39,656 FREE TO GET IN. ♪ I'M A RAMBLIN' GUY ♪ ♪ R-A-M-B-L-I-N ♪ 125 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:40,690 ♪ I'M A RAMBLIN' GUY ♪ ♪ R-A-M-B-L-I-N ♪ ♪ APOSTROPHE ♪ 126 00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:42,325 ♪ R-A-M-B-L-I-N ♪ ♪ APOSTROPHE ♪ ♪ OH, YES, I'M RAMBLIN' ♪ 127 00:04:42,349 --> 00:04:43,860 ♪ APOSTROPHE ♪ ♪ OH, YES, I'M RAMBLIN' ♪ ♪ RAMBLIN' TO NEW YORK CITY ♪ 128 00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:45,027 ♪ OH, YES, I'M RAMBLIN' ♪ ♪ RAMBLIN' TO NEW YORK CITY ♪ ♪ N-Y-C ♪ 129 00:04:45,051 --> 00:04:47,163 ♪ RAMBLIN' TO NEW YORK CITY ♪ ♪ N-Y-C ♪ ♪ RENT A CAR, GET A HOTEL ♪ 130 00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:49,332 ♪ N-Y-C ♪ ♪ RENT A CAR, GET A HOTEL ♪ ♪ FOR ONLY $200 A DAY ♪ 131 00:04:49,356 --> 00:04:50,900 ♪ RENT A CAR, GET A HOTEL ♪ ♪ FOR ONLY $200 A DAY ♪ ♪ OH, YES ♪ 132 00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:52,869 ♪ FOR ONLY $200 A DAY ♪ ♪ OH, YES ♪ OKAY! EVERYBODY! 133 00:04:52,893 --> 00:04:53,770 ♪ OH, YES ♪ OKAY! EVERYBODY! ♪ I'M A RAM... ♪ 134 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:56,139 OKAY! EVERYBODY! ♪ I'M A RAM... ♪ COME ON! SING WITH ME! 135 00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:57,340 ♪ I'M A RAM... ♪ COME ON! SING WITH ME! COME ON! HAVE SOME FUN, COME ON! 136 00:04:57,364 --> 00:04:58,107 COME ON! SING WITH ME! COME ON! HAVE SOME FUN, COME ON! ♪ RAMBLIN' ♪ 137 00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:59,876 COME ON! HAVE SOME FUN, COME ON! ♪ RAMBLIN' ♪ [WHISTLES] 138 00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,645 ♪ RAMBLIN' ♪ [WHISTLES] ARE YOU PEOPLE UPTIGHT OR 139 00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:02,545 [WHISTLES] ARE YOU PEOPLE UPTIGHT OR SOMETHING? 140 00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:04,547 ARE YOU PEOPLE UPTIGHT OR SOMETHING? YOU CAN'T SING... OH, I FORGOT. 141 00:05:04,571 --> 00:05:06,215 SOMETHING? YOU CAN'T SING... OH, I FORGOT. NEW YORK. 142 00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:08,818 YOU CAN'T SING... OH, I FORGOT. NEW YORK. [LAUGHTER] 143 00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:12,188 NEW YORK. [LAUGHTER] [APPLAUSE] 144 00:05:12,212 --> 00:05:14,056 [LAUGHTER] [APPLAUSE] OKAY. 145 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:15,224 [APPLAUSE] OKAY. ALL RIGHT, LADIES ONLY! 146 00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:16,326 OKAY. ALL RIGHT, LADIES ONLY! "OH, LOOK! A RAMBLIN' GUY!" 147 00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:17,126 ALL RIGHT, LADIES ONLY! "OH, LOOK! A RAMBLIN' GUY!" COME ON! 148 00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,662 "OH, LOOK! A RAMBLIN' GUY!" COME ON! OKAY, THIS HALF OF THE ROOM! 149 00:05:18,686 --> 00:05:19,362 COME ON! OKAY, THIS HALF OF THE ROOM! BEAUTIFUL! 150 00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:20,797 OKAY, THIS HALF OF THE ROOM! BEAUTIFUL! NOW THIS HALF! GOOD, GOOD! 151 00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:22,332 BEAUTIFUL! NOW THIS HALF! GOOD, GOOD! ALL RIGHT, TWO-FIFTHS! 152 00:05:22,356 --> 00:05:24,434 NOW THIS HALF! GOOD, GOOD! ALL RIGHT, TWO-FIFTHS! NOW THREE-FIFTHS! GOOD. 153 00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:27,003 ALL RIGHT, TWO-FIFTHS! NOW THREE-FIFTHS! GOOD. SEVEN-NINTHS. TWO-NINTHS. 154 00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:28,605 NOW THREE-FIFTHS! GOOD. SEVEN-NINTHS. TWO-NINTHS. ALL RIGHT. IN CHINESE NOW. 155 00:05:28,629 --> 00:05:31,675 SEVEN-NINTHS. TWO-NINTHS. ALL RIGHT. IN CHINESE NOW. [IMITATING CHINESE] 156 00:05:31,699 --> 00:05:32,875 ALL RIGHT. IN CHINESE NOW. [IMITATING CHINESE] ♪ WELL, I'M RAMBLIN', RAMBLIN', 157 00:05:32,899 --> 00:05:33,810 [IMITATING CHINESE] ♪ WELL, I'M RAMBLIN', RAMBLIN', RAMBLIN', RAMBLIN', RAMBLIN', 158 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,144 ♪ WELL, I'M RAMBLIN', RAMBLIN', RAMBLIN', RAMBLIN', RAMBLIN', RAMBLIN', RAMBLIN', RAMBLIN' ♪ 159 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:39,248 RAMBLIN', RAMBLIN', RAMBLIN', RAMBLIN', RAMBLIN', RAMBLIN' ♪ ♪ RA-A-A-M ♪ 160 00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:40,817 RAMBLIN', RAMBLIN', RAMBLIN' ♪ ♪ RA-A-A-M ♪ ♪ BLI-I-I-N ♪ 161 00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:43,575 ♪ RA-A-A-M ♪ ♪ BLI-I-I-N ♪ [UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS] 162 00:05:54,053 --> 00:05:58,122 I LIKE TO KEEP THE LAUGHS ROLLING EVEN WHILE I'M PLAYING. 163 00:06:03,329 --> 00:06:08,678 [FINALE PLAYS] HEY! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 164 00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:16,702 HEY! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 165 00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:21,424 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. ♪ OH, I'M A NEAT GUY ♪ 166 00:06:21,448 --> 00:06:22,459 THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. ♪ OH, I'M A NEAT GUY ♪ EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME. 167 00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:23,092 ♪ OH, I'M A NEAT GUY ♪ EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME. ALL RIGHT. 168 00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:26,095 EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME. ALL RIGHT. UM, YOU KNOW, UH, THE BANJO'S 169 00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:27,230 ALL RIGHT. UM, YOU KNOW, UH, THE BANJO'S SUCH A HAPPY INSTRUMENT. 170 00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:27,964 UM, YOU KNOW, UH, THE BANJO'S SUCH A HAPPY INSTRUMENT. IT REALLY IS. 171 00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:29,366 SUCH A HAPPY INSTRUMENT. IT REALLY IS. IT'S A GOOD THING FOR A 172 00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:31,234 IT REALLY IS. IT'S A GOOD THING FOR A COMEDIAN, LIKE ME, AND IT'S JUST 173 00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:32,736 IT'S A GOOD THING FOR A COMEDIAN, LIKE ME, AND IT'S JUST A HAPPY THING, YOU KNOW? 174 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:36,906 COMEDIAN, LIKE ME, AND IT'S JUST A HAPPY THING, YOU KNOW? [UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS] 175 00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:39,041 A HAPPY THING, YOU KNOW? [UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS] ISN'T THAT HAPPY? 176 00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,377 [UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS] ISN'T THAT HAPPY? YOU JUST CAN'T SING A DEPRESSING 177 00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:41,578 ISN'T THAT HAPPY? YOU JUST CAN'T SING A DEPRESSING SONG WHEN YOU'RE PLAYING THE 178 00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:41,944 YOU JUST CAN'T SING A DEPRESSING SONG WHEN YOU'RE PLAYING THE BANJO. 179 00:06:41,968 --> 00:06:42,679 SONG WHEN YOU'RE PLAYING THE BANJO. YOU CAN'T GO... 180 00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:46,082 BANJO. YOU CAN'T GO... ♪ OH, MURDER AND DEATH AND GRIEF 181 00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:49,386 YOU CAN'T GO... ♪ OH, MURDER AND DEATH AND GRIEF AND SORROW ♪ 182 00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:50,754 ♪ OH, MURDER AND DEATH AND GRIEF AND SORROW ♪ REALLY, WHEN YOU'RE WITH ME, 183 00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:52,054 AND SORROW ♪ REALLY, WHEN YOU'RE WITH ME, IT'S LIKE BEING AT SHAKEY'S 184 00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:52,522 REALLY, WHEN YOU'RE WITH ME, IT'S LIKE BEING AT SHAKEY'S PIZZA. 185 00:06:52,546 --> 00:06:53,356 IT'S LIKE BEING AT SHAKEY'S PIZZA. IT'S JUST... 186 00:06:53,380 --> 00:06:55,847 PIZZA. IT'S JUST... [PLAYS "AIN'T SHE SWEET?"] 187 00:07:02,455 --> 00:07:07,670 HEY! ♪ WAY DOWN UPON THE SWANEE RIVER ♪ 188 00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:09,672 ♪ WAY DOWN UPON THE SWANEE RIVER ♪ OKAY, I WANT DO THIS LAST BANJO 189 00:07:09,696 --> 00:07:11,741 SWANEE RIVER ♪ OKAY, I WANT DO THIS LAST BANJO TUNE, AND WE'LL MOVE ON WITH THE 190 00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:12,308 OKAY, I WANT DO THIS LAST BANJO TUNE, AND WE'LL MOVE ON WITH THE SHOW. 191 00:07:12,332 --> 00:07:14,076 TUNE, AND WE'LL MOVE ON WITH THE SHOW. COULD I GET, LIKE, A TIGHT SHOT, 192 00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:15,412 SHOW. COULD I GET, LIKE, A TIGHT SHOT, MAYBE ON THE FINGERS, ON THIS, 193 00:07:15,436 --> 00:07:15,978 COULD I GET, LIKE, A TIGHT SHOT, MAYBE ON THE FINGERS, ON THIS, OKAY? 194 00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:16,646 MAYBE ON THE FINGERS, ON THIS, OKAY? DAVE? 195 00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:18,481 OKAY? DAVE? DAVE WILSON, THE DIRECTOR. 196 00:07:18,505 --> 00:07:20,683 DAVE? DAVE WILSON, THE DIRECTOR. I'D LIKE TO START OFF WITH A 197 00:07:20,707 --> 00:07:24,287 DAVE WILSON, THE DIRECTOR. I'D LIKE TO START OFF WITH A TIGHT SHOT, OKAY? 198 00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:25,254 I'D LIKE TO START OFF WITH A TIGHT SHOT, OKAY? I DID THIS THING IN DRESS. 199 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:26,423 TIGHT SHOT, OKAY? I DID THIS THING IN DRESS. I THOUGHT WE HAD IT WORKED OUT. 200 00:07:26,447 --> 00:07:26,890 I DID THIS THING IN DRESS. I THOUGHT WE HAD IT WORKED OUT. I'M SORRY. 201 00:07:26,914 --> 00:07:27,990 I THOUGHT WE HAD IT WORKED OUT. I'M SORRY. [CLEARS THROAT] 202 00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:29,559 I'M SORRY. [CLEARS THROAT] OKAY, I'LL DO SOMETHING ELSE, 203 00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:30,192 [CLEARS THROAT] OKAY, I'LL DO SOMETHING ELSE, THEN. 204 00:07:30,216 --> 00:07:31,594 OKAY, I'LL DO SOMETHING ELSE, THEN. I CAN GO WITH IT. ALL RIGHT. 205 00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,129 THEN. I CAN GO WITH IT. ALL RIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 206 00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:36,065 I CAN GO WITH IT. ALL RIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW, YOU ASK FOR 207 00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:37,266 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW, YOU ASK FOR SOMETHING, YOU THINK YOU'RE 208 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,601 IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW, YOU ASK FOR SOMETHING, YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA GET IT... THROWS YOU OFF, 209 00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:39,769 SOMETHING, YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA GET IT... THROWS YOU OFF, WHEN YOU'RE A PERFORMER, A 210 00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,070 GONNA GET IT... THROWS YOU OFF, WHEN YOU'RE A PERFORMER, A PROFESSIONAL LIKE I AM, AND... 211 00:07:41,094 --> 00:07:42,271 WHEN YOU'RE A PERFORMER, A PROFESSIONAL LIKE I AM, AND... I'M SORRY IF I LOOK A LITTLE 212 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:43,473 PROFESSIONAL LIKE I AM, AND... I'M SORRY IF I LOOK A LITTLE ANGRY BUT, UH, I GUESS I AM, 213 00:07:43,497 --> 00:07:44,908 I'M SORRY IF I LOOK A LITTLE ANGRY BUT, UH, I GUESS I AM, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, IT HURTS YOU. 214 00:07:44,932 --> 00:07:46,042 ANGRY BUT, UH, I GUESS I AM, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, IT HURTS YOU. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 215 00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:47,610 BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, IT HURTS YOU. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? IT HURTS THE PEOPLE WHO ARE 216 00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:49,312 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? IT HURTS THE PEOPLE WHO ARE WATCHING THE SHOW WHEN ME, THE 217 00:07:49,336 --> 00:07:52,214 IT HURTS THE PEOPLE WHO ARE WATCHING THE SHOW WHEN ME, THE ARTIST, COMES OUT HERE, AND I 218 00:07:52,238 --> 00:07:53,550 WATCHING THE SHOW WHEN ME, THE ARTIST, COMES OUT HERE, AND I CAN'T GET A LITTLE COOPERATION. 219 00:07:53,574 --> 00:07:54,517 ARTIST, COMES OUT HERE, AND I CAN'T GET A LITTLE COOPERATION. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 220 00:07:54,541 --> 00:07:56,786 CAN'T GET A LITTLE COOPERATION. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? I CAN'T GET A LITTLE HELP FROM 221 00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,321 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? I CAN'T GET A LITTLE HELP FROM THE BACKSTAGE CREW? 222 00:07:58,345 --> 00:08:01,891 I CAN'T GET A LITTLE HELP FROM THE BACKSTAGE CREW? EXCU-U-U-SE ME! 223 00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:06,062 THE BACKSTAGE CREW? EXCU-U-U-SE ME! [APPLAUSE] 224 00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:08,898 EXCU-U-U-SE ME! [APPLAUSE] I'M SORRY! I'M ANGRY! 225 00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:11,935 [APPLAUSE] I'M SORRY! I'M ANGRY! [UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS] 226 00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:13,770 I'M SORRY! I'M ANGRY! [UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS] I'M SORRY. 227 00:08:13,794 --> 00:08:15,071 [UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS] I'M SORRY. WE'LL BE BACK AFTER THIS 228 00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:16,673 I'M SORRY. WE'LL BE BACK AFTER THIS COMMERCIAL. 229 00:08:16,697 --> 00:08:18,937 WE'LL BE BACK AFTER THIS COMMERCIAL. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 230 00:08:26,939 --> 00:08:28,507 Announcer: ACTOR CHEVY CHASE 231 00:08:28,641 --> 00:08:30,441 SPEAKS OUT FOR MILK. 232 00:08:30,710 --> 00:08:35,291 YOU KNOW, MILK'S GOT JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING YOUR BODY NEEDS TO START THE DAY OFF RIGHT. 233 00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:37,026 ABOUT EVERYTHING YOUR BODY NEEDS TO START THE DAY OFF RIGHT. WHY, ONE GLASS CONTAINS MORE 234 00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:38,761 TO START THE DAY OFF RIGHT. WHY, ONE GLASS CONTAINS MORE VITAMIN A AND CALCIUM THAN A 235 00:08:38,785 --> 00:08:40,096 WHY, ONE GLASS CONTAINS MORE VITAMIN A AND CALCIUM THAN A THICK SIRLOIN STEAK. 236 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:41,798 VITAMIN A AND CALCIUM THAN A THICK SIRLOIN STEAK. DELICIOUS WITH ALMOST ANYTHING. 237 00:08:41,822 --> 00:08:43,165 THICK SIRLOIN STEAK. DELICIOUS WITH ALMOST ANYTHING. AND MILK LEAVES YOU WITH THAT 238 00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:44,467 DELICIOUS WITH ALMOST ANYTHING. AND MILK LEAVES YOU WITH THAT AWFUL SOUR BREATH AND WHITE 239 00:08:44,491 --> 00:08:45,802 AND MILK LEAVES YOU WITH THAT AWFUL SOUR BREATH AND WHITE STUFF IN THE CORNERS OF YOUR 240 00:08:45,826 --> 00:08:46,235 AWFUL SOUR BREATH AND WHITE STUFF IN THE CORNERS OF YOUR MOUTH. 241 00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:46,870 STUFF IN THE CORNERS OF YOUR MOUTH. CUT! 242 00:08:46,894 --> 00:08:48,505 MOUTH. CUT! JUST TONE IT DOWN, PLEASE, 243 00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:49,105 CUT! JUST TONE IT DOWN, PLEASE, CHEVY. 244 00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:50,540 JUST TONE IT DOWN, PLEASE, CHEVY. COULD WE TRY IT AGAIN? 245 00:08:50,564 --> 00:08:52,008 CHEVY. COULD WE TRY IT AGAIN? OKAY. I'M SORRY. 246 00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:55,466 COULD WE TRY IT AGAIN? OKAY. I'M SORRY. TAKE 32. 247 00:08:55,735 --> 00:08:57,936 Announcer: ACTOR CHEVY CHASE 248 00:08:58,070 --> 00:09:00,038 SPEAKS OUT FOR MILK. 249 00:09:00,172 --> 00:09:01,339 YOU KNOW, MY BODY'S JUST 250 00:09:01,473 --> 00:09:02,741 ABOUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING 251 00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,142 TO ME, AND I CARE ABOUT WHAT I 252 00:09:04,276 --> 00:09:05,544 PUT INTO IT. 253 00:09:05,678 --> 00:09:07,679 THAT'S WHY I DRINK FRESH, WHOLE 254 00:09:07,813 --> 00:09:09,881 MILK AT LEAST THREE TIMES A DAY. 255 00:09:10,016 --> 00:09:11,550 IT GIVES ME QUICK ENERGY, HELPS 256 00:09:11,684 --> 00:09:13,217 ME TO LOOK AND FEEL YOUNGER, AND 257 00:09:13,352 --> 00:09:14,886 INCREASES THE SERUM CHOLESTEROL 258 00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:16,588 IN MEN WHO DRINK TOO MUCH OF IT. 259 00:09:16,722 --> 00:09:18,590 CUT! 260 00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:20,926 TAKE 33. 261 00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:23,394 Announcer: ACTOR CHEVY CHASE 262 00:09:23,529 --> 00:09:25,564 SPEAKS OUT FOR MILK. 263 00:09:25,831 --> 00:09:30,780 YOU KNOW, A LOT OF TIMES, I'M OUT FOR DINNER, MY DATE WILL ORDER A BEER OR A LIQUOR DRINK 264 00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:32,015 OUT FOR DINNER, MY DATE WILL ORDER A BEER OR A LIQUOR DRINK OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT, OR HER 265 00:09:32,039 --> 00:09:33,149 ORDER A BEER OR A LIQUOR DRINK OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT, OR HER DATE OR HER FRIEND'S DATE OR 266 00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:34,383 OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT, OR HER DATE OR HER FRIEND'S DATE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW, 267 00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:35,451 DATE OR HER FRIEND'S DATE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW, AND THEY'RE ORDERING. 268 00:09:35,475 --> 00:09:36,653 SOMETHING LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW, AND THEY'RE ORDERING. THEN THE WAITER COMES TO ME. 269 00:09:36,677 --> 00:09:37,787 AND THEY'RE ORDERING. THEN THE WAITER COMES TO ME. HE SAYS, "SO, WHAT'LL BE?" 270 00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:39,422 THEN THE WAITER COMES TO ME. HE SAYS, "SO, WHAT'LL BE?" AND I JUST SORT OF SMILE AND POP 271 00:09:39,446 --> 00:09:40,690 HE SAYS, "SO, WHAT'LL BE?" AND I JUST SORT OF SMILE AND POP RIGHT UP AND SAY, "MILK, 272 00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:41,257 AND I JUST SORT OF SMILE AND POP RIGHT UP AND SAY, "MILK, PLEASE." 273 00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:41,991 RIGHT UP AND SAY, "MILK, PLEASE." YOU KNOW WHY? 274 00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:43,392 PLEASE." YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE I KNOW THAT A SINGLE 275 00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:44,761 YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE I KNOW THAT A SINGLE GLASS OF DELICIOUS, ICE-COLD 276 00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:46,262 BECAUSE I KNOW THAT A SINGLE GLASS OF DELICIOUS, ICE-COLD MILK IN THE SUMMER CAN GIVE YOU 277 00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:47,597 GLASS OF DELICIOUS, ICE-COLD MILK IN THE SUMMER CAN GIVE YOU A QUICK HEART ATTACK IF YOU 278 00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:48,765 MILK IN THE SUMMER CAN GIVE YOU A QUICK HEART ATTACK IF YOU DRINK IT TOO FAST. 279 00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:49,799 A QUICK HEART ATTACK IF YOU DRINK IT TOO FAST. THAT'S RIGHT... 280 00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:50,433 DRINK IT TOO FAST. THAT'S RIGHT... CUT! 281 00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:53,269 THAT'S RIGHT... CUT! 34. 282 00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:54,470 CUT! 34. MMM, MMM. 283 00:09:54,494 --> 00:09:55,672 34. MMM, MMM. DELISH! 284 00:09:55,696 --> 00:09:57,440 MMM, MMM. DELISH! I KNOW A FRIEND WHO GETS THESE 285 00:09:57,464 --> 00:09:59,308 DELISH! I KNOW A FRIEND WHO GETS THESE FATTY DEPOSITS RIGHT UNDER HERE. 286 00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:00,577 I KNOW A FRIEND WHO GETS THESE FATTY DEPOSITS RIGHT UNDER HERE. CUT IT! 287 00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:01,110 FATTY DEPOSITS RIGHT UNDER HERE. CUT IT! 35. 288 00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:02,845 CUT IT! 35. A LOT OF HEALTH-FOOD EXPERTS 289 00:10:02,869 --> 00:10:04,413 35. A LOT OF HEALTH-FOOD EXPERTS THINK MILK IS MUCUS-FORMING. 290 00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:05,715 A LOT OF HEALTH-FOOD EXPERTS THINK MILK IS MUCUS-FORMING. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, 291 00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:06,816 THINK MILK IS MUCUS-FORMING. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, BUT I SUPPOSE IT'S TRUE. 292 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:07,984 I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, BUT I SUPPOSE IT'S TRUE. I LOVE MILK MYSELF. 293 00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:10,687 BUT I SUPPOSE IT'S TRUE. I LOVE MILK MYSELF. I'VE ALWAYS BEEN... 294 00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:12,221 I LOVE MILK MYSELF. I'VE ALWAYS BEEN... Announcer: IT'S THE DELICIOUS 295 00:10:12,245 --> 00:10:13,756 I'VE ALWAYS BEEN... Announcer: IT'S THE DELICIOUS NATURAL DRINK THAT'S NOT FILLING 296 00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:17,020 Announcer: IT'S THE DELICIOUS NATURAL DRINK THAT'S NOT FILLING AND IS FATTENING. 297 00:10:29,929 --> 00:10:31,089 Announcer: DON'T WALK AWAY 298 00:10:31,196 --> 00:10:32,363 FROM YOUR TELESCREEN, BECAUSE 299 00:10:32,498 --> 00:10:33,331 IT'S TIME FOR THE NEW 300 00:10:33,465 --> 00:10:36,267 "JEOPARDY 1999!" 301 00:10:36,401 --> 00:10:37,769 AND NOW HERE'S YOUR HOST, 302 00:10:37,903 --> 00:10:40,404 ART F114. 303 00:10:40,539 --> 00:10:42,473 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 304 00:10:42,742 --> 00:10:48,457 THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU, DON PARDO! 305 00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:49,926 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU, DON PARDO! WELL, THERE'S SOME EXCITING AND 306 00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:51,193 THANK YOU, DON PARDO! WELL, THERE'S SOME EXCITING AND VALUABLE PRIZES TO BE WON. 307 00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:52,595 WELL, THERE'S SOME EXCITING AND VALUABLE PRIZES TO BE WON. DON, WILL YOU TELL THE FOLKS AT 308 00:10:52,619 --> 00:10:55,430 VALUABLE PRIZES TO BE WON. DON, WILL YOU TELL THE FOLKS AT HOME WHO THE CONTESTANTS ARE? 309 00:10:55,454 --> 00:10:57,155 Announcer: ART, OUR RETURNING 310 00:10:57,289 --> 00:10:58,923 CHAMPION IS A SHREDDING-MACHINE 311 00:10:59,058 --> 00:11:00,591 OPERATOR FROM THE MINISTRY OF 312 00:11:00,726 --> 00:11:02,127 INFORMATION IN SECTOR 427. 313 00:11:02,261 --> 00:11:04,829 WELCOME BACK, DANNY M125. 314 00:11:04,964 --> 00:11:09,034 [APPLAUSE] 315 00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:10,268 DANNY, YOU'VE WON OVER 316 00:11:10,402 --> 00:11:10,769 $3 MILLION. 317 00:11:10,903 --> 00:11:11,947 WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH 318 00:11:11,971 --> 00:11:12,704 THAT MONEY? 319 00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:14,405 WELL, THEY'VE DISCOVERED THE 320 00:11:14,540 --> 00:11:16,041 CURE FOR THE DISEASE MY MOTHER 321 00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:17,418 WAS DYING FROM, AND I'M GOING TO 322 00:11:17,442 --> 00:11:18,309 USE THE MONEY TO HAVE HER 323 00:11:18,443 --> 00:11:20,111 DEFROSTED. 324 00:11:20,245 --> 00:11:21,389 GREAT, HOW OLD WILL SHE BE? 325 00:11:21,413 --> 00:11:22,147 37. 326 00:11:22,281 --> 00:11:23,321 WELL, GOOD LUCK TO YOU. 327 00:11:23,382 --> 00:11:24,422 WHO'S OUR NEXT CONTESTANT, 328 00:11:24,483 --> 00:11:25,784 DON PARDO? 329 00:11:25,918 --> 00:11:27,451 Announcer: SHE'S A SECURITY 330 00:11:27,586 --> 00:11:28,953 MONITOR FOR THE OSAKI KELP 331 00:11:29,088 --> 00:11:30,555 WORKS, A CHEERLEADER FOR THE 332 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,090 ROCKET TENNIS TEAM, AND SHE 333 00:11:32,224 --> 00:11:33,524 ENJOYS SEX. 334 00:11:33,659 --> 00:11:36,194 LET'S WELCOME LARAINE A270. 335 00:11:36,328 --> 00:11:38,196 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 336 00:11:41,934 --> 00:11:43,568 A270, HUH? 337 00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:44,803 THAT'S RIGHT. 338 00:11:44,937 --> 00:11:46,114 THAT'S FUNNY, YOU DON'T LOOK 339 00:11:46,138 --> 00:11:46,771 LIKE AN ALPHA. 340 00:11:46,906 --> 00:11:48,439 [LAUGHS] 341 00:11:48,574 --> 00:11:51,509 YOU KNOW, WE ALWAYS ENJOY HAVING 342 00:11:51,643 --> 00:11:53,778 TEST-TUBE BABIES ON OUR SHOW. 343 00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:55,080 TELL US, ARE YOU HAVING THOSE 344 00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:56,494 HEADACHES WE HEAR SO MUCH ABOUT? 345 00:11:56,615 --> 00:11:59,050 NO, BUT SOMETIMES I WORDS 346 00:11:59,185 --> 00:12:00,752 SAY IN REVERSE. 347 00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:03,221 HMM. WELL, GOOD LUCK TO YOU. 348 00:12:03,355 --> 00:12:06,024 DON PARDO, OUR LAST CONTESTANT? 349 00:12:06,158 --> 00:12:07,759 Announcer: ART, IT'S A 350 00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:09,060 LOBOTOMIST FOR THE 351 00:12:09,195 --> 00:12:11,730 MINISTRY OF LOVE IN SECTOR 753. 352 00:12:11,864 --> 00:12:14,232 LET'S WELCOME LEE P413. 353 00:12:14,366 --> 00:12:16,234 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 354 00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,239 DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES, LEE? 355 00:12:21,373 --> 00:12:22,974 I COLLECT ANTIQUE SEXUAL 356 00:12:23,109 --> 00:12:25,043 DEVICES, ART. 357 00:12:25,177 --> 00:12:26,377 WELL, MAYBE YOU AND LARAINE 358 00:12:26,511 --> 00:12:27,689 CAN GET TOGETHER AFTER THE SHOW 359 00:12:27,713 --> 00:12:28,179 FOR SOME SEX. 360 00:12:28,313 --> 00:12:29,114 THAT'D BE GOOD. 361 00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:30,248 YEAH, SOUNDS GREAT. 362 00:12:30,315 --> 00:12:31,116 I'D ENJOY IT. 363 00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:32,250 I'D LIKE TO JOIN YOU. 364 00:12:32,384 --> 00:12:33,218 THAT WOULD BE NICE. 365 00:12:33,352 --> 00:12:34,953 OKAY, AND NOW IT'S TIME TO 366 00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:39,357 PLAY "JEOPARDY 1999!" 367 00:12:39,491 --> 00:12:42,560 THE CATEGORIES ARE... 368 00:12:55,841 --> 00:12:57,308 DANNY, YOU'RE THE CHAMPION, SO 369 00:12:57,442 --> 00:12:58,009 YOU BEGIN. 370 00:12:58,144 --> 00:13:00,245 U.S. HISTORY FOR $10,000. 371 00:13:00,379 --> 00:13:01,612 OKAY. 372 00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:07,451 [BUZZER] 373 00:13:07,586 --> 00:13:08,887 YES, LARAINE? 374 00:13:09,021 --> 00:13:10,655 WHO WAS GERALD FORD? 375 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:11,890 I'M SORRY. THAT'S WRONG. 376 00:13:12,024 --> 00:13:12,791 REMEMBER, IT SAYS HERE, "IN 377 00:13:12,925 --> 00:13:13,491 OFFICE." 378 00:13:13,625 --> 00:13:14,192 [BUZZER] 379 00:13:14,326 --> 00:13:14,759 LEE? 380 00:13:14,894 --> 00:13:16,027 WHO WAS WALTER MONDALE? 381 00:13:16,162 --> 00:13:16,828 THAT'S RIGHT. 382 00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:17,528 GO AHEAD, LEE. 383 00:13:17,663 --> 00:13:19,563 MOVIES FOR $10,000. 384 00:13:19,698 --> 00:13:21,332 MOVIES FOR $10,000. 385 00:13:25,004 --> 00:13:26,370 [BUZZER] 386 00:13:26,505 --> 00:13:27,172 LARAINE? 387 00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:29,107 WHAT IS 20th CENTURY FOX? 388 00:13:29,241 --> 00:13:30,474 THAT'S RIGHT. GO AHEAD. 389 00:13:30,609 --> 00:13:32,576 OKAY, MOVIES FOR $20,000. 390 00:13:32,711 --> 00:13:34,445 MOVIES FOR 20,000. 391 00:13:39,919 --> 00:13:40,518 [BUZZER] 392 00:13:40,652 --> 00:13:41,252 DANNY? 393 00:13:41,386 --> 00:13:43,021 WHO WAS FRED MILTONBERG? 394 00:13:43,155 --> 00:13:44,355 THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT. 395 00:13:44,423 --> 00:13:44,989 KEEP ON GOING. 396 00:13:45,124 --> 00:13:46,757 MEDICINE FOR $10,000. 397 00:13:46,892 --> 00:13:48,526 MEDICINE FOR $10,000. 398 00:13:53,098 --> 00:13:54,299 [BUZZER] 399 00:13:54,433 --> 00:13:55,099 DANNY? 400 00:13:55,234 --> 00:13:57,302 WHAT IS BABY KILLING? 401 00:13:57,436 --> 00:14:00,305 THAT'S RIGHT, DANNY. 402 00:14:00,439 --> 00:14:01,472 OKAY, GO, DANNY. 403 00:14:01,606 --> 00:14:02,941 MEDICINE FOR $20,000. 404 00:14:03,075 --> 00:14:04,575 MEDICINE FOR $20,000. 405 00:14:07,512 --> 00:14:08,346 [BUZZER] 406 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:09,047 LEE? 407 00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:10,181 WHO IS FRAN TARKENTON? 408 00:14:10,282 --> 00:14:12,116 THAT'S RIGHT. 409 00:14:12,251 --> 00:14:13,117 BACK TO YOU, LEE. 410 00:14:13,252 --> 00:14:14,462 I'LL GO TO NUCLEAR ACCIDENTS 411 00:14:14,486 --> 00:14:15,486 FOR $10,000, PLEASE. 412 00:14:15,587 --> 00:14:17,388 NUCLEAR ACCIDENTS, $10,000. 413 00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:23,527 [BUZZER] 414 00:14:23,662 --> 00:14:23,962 DANNY? 415 00:14:24,096 --> 00:14:24,795 WHO ARE THE YOUNG 416 00:14:24,930 --> 00:14:27,065 REPUBLICANS? 417 00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:28,243 THAT'S RIGHT. GO, DANNY. 418 00:14:28,267 --> 00:14:29,600 TV FOR $10,000. 419 00:14:29,735 --> 00:14:31,202 TV FOR $10,000. 420 00:14:33,939 --> 00:14:34,672 [BUZZER] 421 00:14:34,806 --> 00:14:35,240 LEE? 422 00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:35,874 WHAT IS 423 00:14:36,008 --> 00:14:37,008 "BAA BAA BLACK SHEEP"? 424 00:14:37,142 --> 00:14:38,709 THAT'S RIGHT. 425 00:14:38,844 --> 00:14:40,478 LEE, WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME. 426 00:14:40,612 --> 00:14:42,013 OKAY, TV FOR $50,000, PLEASE. 427 00:14:42,147 --> 00:14:43,614 TV FOR $50,000. 428 00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:52,590 [BUZZER] 429 00:14:52,724 --> 00:14:53,958 I'M SORRY, YOU TOOK TOO LONG. 430 00:14:54,093 --> 00:14:55,626 THE CORRECT ANSWER IS, "WHO WAS 431 00:14:55,761 --> 00:14:57,028 CHEVY CHASE?" 432 00:14:57,162 --> 00:14:58,162 [DING!] 433 00:14:58,264 --> 00:14:58,863 CHEVY CHASE. 434 00:14:58,998 --> 00:15:00,238 AH, THERE'S THE BELL TELLING US 435 00:15:00,332 --> 00:15:02,666 IT'S TIME FOR FINAL JEOPARDY. 436 00:15:02,935 --> 00:15:08,650 NOW, THAT FINAL JEOPARDY CATEGORY IS "ASSASSINATIONS." NOW, REMEMBER, CONNEST... 437 00:15:08,674 --> 00:15:10,186 CATEGORY IS "ASSASSINATIONS." NOW, REMEMBER, CONNEST... CONNECT... CONTESTANTS 438 00:15:10,210 --> 00:15:11,854 NOW, REMEMBER, CONNEST... CONNECT... CONTESTANTS [BREATHING HEAVILY] 439 00:15:11,878 --> 00:15:13,322 CONNECT... CONTESTANTS [BREATHING HEAVILY] YOU CAN WAGER ALL OR PART OF 440 00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:13,956 [BREATHING HEAVILY] YOU CAN WAGER ALL OR PART OF YOUR EARNINGS. 441 00:15:13,980 --> 00:15:15,291 YOU CAN WAGER ALL OR PART OF YOUR EARNINGS. LEE, YOU HAVE $10,000. 442 00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:16,692 YOUR EARNINGS. LEE, YOU HAVE $10,000. LARAINE, YOU HAVE $20,000. 443 00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:18,294 LEE, YOU HAVE $10,000. LARAINE, YOU HAVE $20,000. AND, DANNY, YOU HAVE $20,000. 444 00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:20,229 LARAINE, YOU HAVE $20,000. AND, DANNY, YOU HAVE $20,000. CONTESTANTS, PLACE YOUR WAGER. 445 00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,298 AND, DANNY, YOU HAVE $20,000. CONTESTANTS, PLACE YOUR WAGER. AND WHILE THEY DO, DON PARDO, 446 00:15:22,322 --> 00:15:23,632 CONTESTANTS, PLACE YOUR WAGER. AND WHILE THEY DO, DON PARDO, TELL US WHAT THEY'LL WIN. 447 00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:24,934 AND WHILE THEY DO, DON PARDO, TELL US WHAT THEY'LL WIN. Announcer: ART, ALL OUR 448 00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:26,302 TELL US WHAT THEY'LL WIN. Announcer: ART, ALL OUR CONTESTANTS WILL RECEIVE THE 449 00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:27,736 Announcer: ART, ALL OUR CONTESTANTS WILL RECEIVE THE BENJAMIN POCKET-SIZE ISOLATION 450 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:28,804 CONTESTANTS WILL RECEIVE THE BENJAMIN POCKET-SIZE ISOLATION TUBE. 451 00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:30,306 BENJAMIN POCKET-SIZE ISOLATION TUBE. PRIVACY IS ONLY SECONDS AWAY 452 00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:31,540 TUBE. PRIVACY IS ONLY SECONDS AWAY WITH BENJAMIN. 453 00:15:31,564 --> 00:15:34,143 PRIVACY IS ONLY SECONDS AWAY WITH BENJAMIN. AND, FOR OUR MALE CONTESTANTS, A 454 00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:36,245 WITH BENJAMIN. AND, FOR OUR MALE CONTESTANTS, A CASE OF BIG BROTHER AFTERSHAVE. 455 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:38,247 AND, FOR OUR MALE CONTESTANTS, A CASE OF BIG BROTHER AFTERSHAVE. WOMEN LOVE A MAN WHO SMELLS LIKE 456 00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:39,514 CASE OF BIG BROTHER AFTERSHAVE. WOMEN LOVE A MAN WHO SMELLS LIKE BIG BROTHER. 457 00:15:39,538 --> 00:15:41,239 AND FOR THE LADY, THE 458 00:15:41,373 --> 00:15:42,907 EMBRYO ACCELERATOR. 459 00:15:43,042 --> 00:15:44,442 ELECTROMAGNETIC TREATMENTS SO 460 00:15:44,576 --> 00:15:45,944 YOUR CHILD WILL DEVELOP FROM 461 00:15:46,078 --> 00:15:47,946 EMBRYO TO ADULT IN 18 WEEKS. 462 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:49,647 AVOID CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS. 463 00:15:49,781 --> 00:15:51,149 SAVE TIME AND MONEY. 464 00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:52,550 ANOTHER FINE PRODUCT FROM THE 465 00:15:52,684 --> 00:15:54,419 PEOPLE AT CHROMOCON. 466 00:15:54,553 --> 00:15:56,587 AND WHAT HOME WOULD BE COMPLETE 467 00:15:56,721 --> 00:15:58,756 WITHOUT THE AMAZING LASERMATIC? 468 00:15:58,890 --> 00:16:00,224 SLICES, DICES, OR CHOPS 469 00:16:00,359 --> 00:16:01,892 EVERYTHING FROM TOMATOES TO 470 00:16:02,027 --> 00:16:03,027 DIAMONDS. 471 00:16:03,195 --> 00:16:09,111 OUR CONTESTANTS WILL EASE THEIR TROUBLED MINDS WITH THE NEW DIAL-A-BLANK ELECTRO SHOCK KIT. 472 00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:10,246 TROUBLED MINDS WITH THE NEW DIAL-A-BLANK ELECTRO SHOCK KIT. FORGET ANYTHING YOU WANT WITH 473 00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:11,080 DIAL-A-BLANK ELECTRO SHOCK KIT. FORGET ANYTHING YOU WANT WITH A TWIST OF THE DIAL. 474 00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:13,049 FORGET ANYTHING YOU WANT WITH A TWIST OF THE DIAL. SO EFFECTIVE, YOU WON'T REMEMBER 475 00:16:13,073 --> 00:16:13,950 A TWIST OF THE DIAL. SO EFFECTIVE, YOU WON'T REMEMBER YOU OWN ONE. 476 00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:15,251 SO EFFECTIVE, YOU WON'T REMEMBER YOU OWN ONE. DIAL-A-BLANK FROM 477 00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:16,684 YOU OWN ONE. DIAL-A-BLANK FROM LEISURE-TRONICS. 478 00:16:16,708 --> 00:16:18,443 AND OUR CONTESTANTS WILL BE 479 00:16:18,577 --> 00:16:20,011 TAKING HOME MR. WHACKY 480 00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:21,446 RHESUS MONKEY TORTURE KIT FOR 481 00:16:21,580 --> 00:16:22,780 THE YOUNG SCIENTIST IN THE 482 00:16:22,914 --> 00:16:23,547 FAMILY. 483 00:16:23,682 --> 00:16:26,817 MONKEYS NOT INCLUDED, ART. 484 00:16:26,952 --> 00:16:28,486 THANK YOU, DON PARDO. 485 00:16:28,620 --> 00:16:29,988 AND HERE NOW IS OUR 486 00:16:30,122 --> 00:16:32,023 FINAL JEOPARDY ANSWER... "HE 487 00:16:32,157 --> 00:16:34,258 ASSASSINATED PRESIDENT KENNEDY." 488 00:16:34,393 --> 00:16:36,294 GO! 489 00:16:36,428 --> 00:16:37,428 KENNEDY. 490 00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:38,829 HE WAS PRESIDENT ABOUT 30 YEARS 491 00:16:38,964 --> 00:16:40,131 AGO, WASN'T HE? 492 00:16:40,265 --> 00:16:41,409 PERHAPS YOU'VE SEEN SOMETHING 493 00:16:41,433 --> 00:16:42,266 ABOUT HIM ON YOUR HOME 494 00:16:42,401 --> 00:16:43,601 ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM. 495 00:16:43,735 --> 00:16:45,336 MAYBE ONE OF YOU WILL JUST GET 496 00:16:45,471 --> 00:16:46,637 LUCKY. 497 00:16:46,771 --> 00:16:50,441 WELL, LET'S HOPE SO ON THIS. 498 00:16:50,575 --> 00:16:52,210 OKAY, PUT THOSE PENS DOWN. 499 00:16:52,344 --> 00:16:56,047 LEE, WHAT'S YOUR ANSWER? 500 00:16:56,181 --> 00:16:58,749 J. EDGAR HOOVER. 501 00:16:58,884 --> 00:17:00,084 NO, I'M SORRY, YOU'RE WRONG ON 502 00:17:00,152 --> 00:17:00,918 THAT. 503 00:17:01,053 --> 00:17:02,453 YOU WAGERED $10,000. 504 00:17:02,587 --> 00:17:04,322 THAT LEAVES YOU WITH NADA. 505 00:17:04,456 --> 00:17:06,090 [CHUCKLES] 506 00:17:06,225 --> 00:17:07,625 OKAY, LARAINE, YOUR ANSWER IS 507 00:17:07,759 --> 00:17:09,994 FIDEL CASTRO. 508 00:17:10,129 --> 00:17:11,629 NO, I'M SORRY. YOU'RE WRONG. 509 00:17:11,763 --> 00:17:13,697 YOU WAGERED $15,000. 510 00:17:13,832 --> 00:17:14,999 THAT LEAVES YOU WITH $15,000. 511 00:17:15,134 --> 00:17:16,667 DANNY? 512 00:17:16,801 --> 00:17:19,937 WHO WAS FRANK SINATRA JR.? 513 00:17:20,072 --> 00:17:21,305 THAT'S A GOOD GUESS, BUT, NO, 514 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:22,240 I'M SORRY, YOU'RE WRONG. 515 00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:23,841 LET'S SEE. YOU WAGERED $10,000. 516 00:17:23,975 --> 00:17:24,986 THAT LEAVES YOU WITH $20,000! 517 00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:26,777 YOU'RE STILL CHAMPION! 518 00:17:26,912 --> 00:17:27,912 THAT'S IT FOR US. 519 00:17:27,979 --> 00:17:29,414 OF COURSE, THE CORRECT ANSWER TO 520 00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:30,714 "WHO KILLED KENNEDY?" WAS 521 00:17:30,849 --> 00:17:32,683 LEE HARVEY OSWALD. 522 00:17:32,817 --> 00:17:33,851 THAT'S LEE HARVEY OSWALD. 523 00:17:33,985 --> 00:17:35,520 WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK ON 524 00:17:35,654 --> 00:17:37,888 "JEOPARDY 1999!" 525 00:17:38,023 --> 00:17:39,823 SO LONG. 526 00:17:56,308 --> 00:18:01,412 Announcer: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, KINKY FRIEDMAN. [APPLAUSE] 527 00:18:07,652 --> 00:18:10,455 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 528 00:18:15,461 --> 00:18:23,461 ♪ FROM A FAN OF YOURS IN TEXAS ♪ ♪ WHO'S HAD A LITTLE TROUBLE FINDING LOVE ♪ 529 00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:25,514 ♪ WHO'S HAD A LITTLE TROUBLE FINDING LOVE ♪ ♪ I'M CONSIDERED QUITE 530 00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:26,949 FINDING LOVE ♪ ♪ I'M CONSIDERED QUITE ATTRACTIVE ♪ 531 00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:28,617 ♪ I'M CONSIDERED QUITE ATTRACTIVE ♪ ♪ AND I'VE ALWAYS BEEN QUITE 532 00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:32,521 ATTRACTIVE ♪ ♪ AND I'VE ALWAYS BEEN QUITE ACTIVE, AT THE CLUB ♪ 533 00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:34,557 ♪ AND I'VE ALWAYS BEEN QUITE ACTIVE, AT THE CLUB ♪ ♪ BUT THE LIFE I LEAD'S SO 534 00:18:34,581 --> 00:18:35,624 ACTIVE, AT THE CLUB ♪ ♪ BUT THE LIFE I LEAD'S SO LONESOME ♪ 535 00:18:35,648 --> 00:18:38,294 ♪ BUT THE LIFE I LEAD'S SO LONESOME ♪ ♪ THAT I WONDER, ABBIE, IF 536 00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:41,163 LONESOME ♪ ♪ THAT I WONDER, ABBIE, IF YOU'VE EVER KNOWN ♪ 537 00:18:41,187 --> 00:18:43,265 ♪ THAT I WONDER, ABBIE, IF YOU'VE EVER KNOWN ♪ ♪ WHAT IT'S LIKE TO LIVE IN 538 00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:46,034 YOU'VE EVER KNOWN ♪ ♪ WHAT IT'S LIKE TO LIVE IN OTHERS' DREAMS AND NEVER HAVE A 539 00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:52,874 ♪ WHAT IT'S LIKE TO LIVE IN OTHERS' DREAMS AND NEVER HAVE A DREAM TO CALL YOUR OWN ♪ 540 00:18:52,898 --> 00:18:56,278 OTHERS' DREAMS AND NEVER HAVE A DREAM TO CALL YOUR OWN ♪ ♪ THERE'S A DIVORCéE IN DALLAS ♪ 541 00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:58,380 DREAM TO CALL YOUR OWN ♪ ♪ THERE'S A DIVORCéE IN DALLAS ♪ ♪ THERE'S A GIRL WHO'S MUCH TOO 542 00:18:58,404 --> 00:19:02,384 ♪ THERE'S A DIVORCéE IN DALLAS ♪ ♪ THERE'S A GIRL WHO'S MUCH TOO YOUNG IN IDAHO ♪ 543 00:19:02,408 --> 00:19:04,653 ♪ THERE'S A GIRL WHO'S MUCH TOO YOUNG IN IDAHO ♪ ♪ LONDON BRIDGE IS FALLING 544 00:19:04,677 --> 00:19:05,454 YOUNG IN IDAHO ♪ ♪ LONDON BRIDGE IS FALLING DOWN ♪ 545 00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:07,689 ♪ LONDON BRIDGE IS FALLING DOWN ♪ ♪ AND THE CLERGYMAN IS OUT OF 546 00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:08,390 DOWN ♪ ♪ AND THE CLERGYMAN IS OUT OF TOWN ♪ 547 00:19:08,414 --> 00:19:10,259 ♪ AND THE CLERGYMAN IS OUT OF TOWN ♪ ♪ AND THERE'S A DAUGHTER NO ONE 548 00:19:10,283 --> 00:19:14,230 TOWN ♪ ♪ AND THERE'S A DAUGHTER NO ONE WANTS IN BUFFALO ♪ 549 00:19:14,254 --> 00:19:15,897 ♪ AND THERE'S A DAUGHTER NO ONE WANTS IN BUFFALO ♪ ♪ AND I'M WONDERING 'BOUT 550 00:19:15,921 --> 00:19:18,234 WANTS IN BUFFALO ♪ ♪ AND I'M WONDERING 'BOUT AMERICA ♪ 551 00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:20,702 ♪ AND I'M WONDERING 'BOUT AMERICA ♪ ♪ WONDERING IF WE LOST MORE THAN 552 00:19:20,726 --> 00:19:23,205 AMERICA ♪ ♪ WONDERING IF WE LOST MORE THAN THE WAR ♪ 553 00:19:23,229 --> 00:19:25,508 ♪ WONDERING IF WE LOST MORE THAN THE WAR ♪ ♪ I'M JUST WONDERING IF THERE'S 554 00:19:25,532 --> 00:19:28,611 THE WAR ♪ ♪ I'M JUST WONDERING IF THERE'S ANY SILVER LINING LEFT ♪ 555 00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:35,384 ♪ I'M JUST WONDERING IF THERE'S ANY SILVER LINING LEFT ♪ ♪ BEHIND THE GOLDEN DOOR ♪ 556 00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:41,923 ANY SILVER LINING LEFT ♪ ♪ BEHIND THE GOLDEN DOOR ♪ ♪ AND DEAR ABBIE ♪ 557 00:19:41,947 --> 00:19:48,096 ♪ BEHIND THE GOLDEN DOOR ♪ ♪ AND DEAR ABBIE ♪ ♪ ABBIE, I JUST HAD TO WRITE ♪ 558 00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:54,170 ♪ AND DEAR ABBIE ♪ ♪ ABBIE, I JUST HAD TO WRITE ♪ ♪ DEAR ABBIE ♪ 559 00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:57,439 ♪ ABBIE, I JUST HAD TO WRITE ♪ ♪ DEAR ABBIE ♪ ♪ ABBIE, IS THERE ANY LOVE IN 560 00:19:57,463 --> 00:20:02,811 ♪ DEAR ABBIE ♪ ♪ ABBIE, IS THERE ANY LOVE IN SIGHT? ♪ 561 00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:05,447 ♪ ABBIE, IS THERE ANY LOVE IN SIGHT? ♪ ♪ WELL, THE LAST TIME THAT I SAW 562 00:20:05,471 --> 00:20:06,382 SIGHT? ♪ ♪ WELL, THE LAST TIME THAT I SAW YOU ♪ 563 00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:08,750 ♪ WELL, THE LAST TIME THAT I SAW YOU ♪ ♪ YOU WERE LIVING AT THE OLD 564 00:20:08,774 --> 00:20:13,121 YOU ♪ ♪ YOU WERE LIVING AT THE OLD CHELSEA HOTEL ♪ 565 00:20:13,145 --> 00:20:14,657 ♪ YOU WERE LIVING AT THE OLD CHELSEA HOTEL ♪ ♪ EVEN THOUGH IT'S BEEN 566 00:20:14,681 --> 00:20:16,158 CHELSEA HOTEL ♪ ♪ EVEN THOUGH IT'S BEEN A WHILE ♪ 567 00:20:16,182 --> 00:20:17,859 ♪ EVEN THOUGH IT'S BEEN A WHILE ♪ ♪ HELL, EVEN NOW IT MAKES ME 568 00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:18,960 A WHILE ♪ ♪ HELL, EVEN NOW IT MAKES ME SMILE ♪ 569 00:20:18,984 --> 00:20:20,296 ♪ HELL, EVEN NOW IT MAKES ME SMILE ♪ ♪ TO THINK OF HOW YOU 570 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:24,667 SMILE ♪ ♪ TO THINK OF HOW YOU TENNIS-SHOED THE BILL ♪ 571 00:20:24,691 --> 00:20:26,602 ♪ TO THINK OF HOW YOU TENNIS-SHOED THE BILL ♪ ♪ AND IT SEEMS LIKE ONLY 572 00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:28,136 TENNIS-SHOED THE BILL ♪ ♪ AND IT SEEMS LIKE ONLY YESTERDAY ♪ 573 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,806 ♪ AND IT SEEMS LIKE ONLY YESTERDAY ♪ ♪ YOU FELL OFF OF THE SEESAW ♪ 574 00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:33,609 YESTERDAY ♪ ♪ YOU FELL OFF OF THE SEESAW ♪ ♪ AND YOU CRIED ♪ 575 00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:35,544 ♪ YOU FELL OFF OF THE SEESAW ♪ ♪ AND YOU CRIED ♪ ♪ AND YOUR DADDY LIT THE 576 00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,079 ♪ AND YOU CRIED ♪ ♪ AND YOUR DADDY LIT THE FIREWORKS ♪ 577 00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:39,448 ♪ AND YOUR DADDY LIT THE FIREWORKS ♪ ♪ IN THE BACKYARD ON THE FOURTH 578 00:20:39,472 --> 00:20:45,921 FIREWORKS ♪ ♪ IN THE BACKYARD ON THE FOURTH DAY OF JULY ♪ 579 00:20:45,945 --> 00:20:52,428 ♪ IN THE BACKYARD ON THE FOURTH DAY OF JULY ♪ ♪ AND DEAR ABBIE ♪ 580 00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:58,767 DAY OF JULY ♪ ♪ AND DEAR ABBIE ♪ ♪ ABBIE, I JUST HAD TO WRITE ♪ 581 00:20:58,791 --> 00:21:04,840 ♪ AND DEAR ABBIE ♪ ♪ ABBIE, I JUST HAD TO WRITE ♪ ♪ DEAR ABBIE ♪ 582 00:21:04,864 --> 00:21:08,711 ♪ ABBIE, I JUST HAD TO WRITE ♪ ♪ DEAR ABBIE ♪ ♪ ABBIE ♪ 583 00:21:08,735 --> 00:21:14,950 ♪ DEAR ABBIE ♪ ♪ ABBIE ♪ ♪ WHERE ARE YOU ♪ 584 00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:21,823 ♪ ABBIE ♪ ♪ WHERE ARE YOU ♪ ♪ TONIGHT? ♪ 585 00:21:21,847 --> 00:21:24,192 ♪ WHERE ARE YOU ♪ ♪ TONIGHT? ♪ [FINALE PLAYS] 586 00:21:24,216 --> 00:21:26,150 ♪ TONIGHT? ♪ [FINALE PLAYS] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 587 00:21:41,333 --> 00:21:43,033 Announcer: AND NOW "WEEKEND 588 00:21:43,168 --> 00:21:46,504 UPDATE" WITH CHEVY CHASE. 589 00:21:46,772 --> 00:21:49,318 NO. NO, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BLOW ON IT. 590 00:21:49,342 --> 00:21:54,089 NO, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BLOW ON IT. THAT'S JUST AN EXPRESSION. 591 00:21:54,113 --> 00:21:56,759 ON IT. THAT'S JUST AN EXPRESSION. I HAVE TO GO. 592 00:21:56,783 --> 00:21:59,861 THAT'S JUST AN EXPRESSION. I HAVE TO GO. GOOD EVENING. 593 00:21:59,885 --> 00:22:02,097 I HAVE TO GO. GOOD EVENING. I'M RON McKUEN. 594 00:22:02,121 --> 00:22:03,231 GOOD EVENING. I'M RON McKUEN. OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... 595 00:22:03,255 --> 00:22:04,266 I'M RON McKUEN. OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... PRESIDENT FORD AND 596 00:22:04,290 --> 00:22:05,768 OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... PRESIDENT FORD AND GOVERNOR JIMMY CARTER EMERGED 597 00:22:05,792 --> 00:22:07,169 PRESIDENT FORD AND GOVERNOR JIMMY CARTER EMERGED FROM THEIR THIRD AND FINAL 598 00:22:07,193 --> 00:22:08,637 GOVERNOR JIMMY CARTER EMERGED FROM THEIR THIRD AND FINAL DEBATE VIRTUALLY EVEN IN THE 599 00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:09,705 FROM THEIR THIRD AND FINAL DEBATE VIRTUALLY EVEN IN THE PRELIMINARY POLLS. 600 00:22:09,729 --> 00:22:11,039 DEBATE VIRTUALLY EVEN IN THE PRELIMINARY POLLS. A BURNS ROPER POLL SHOWED 601 00:22:11,063 --> 00:22:12,374 PRELIMINARY POLLS. A BURNS ROPER POLL SHOWED CARTER TO BE A WINNER BY A 602 00:22:12,398 --> 00:22:13,842 A BURNS ROPER POLL SHOWED CARTER TO BE A WINNER BY A SUBSTANTIAL MARGIN OF 40% TO 603 00:22:13,866 --> 00:22:15,043 CARTER TO BE A WINNER BY A SUBSTANTIAL MARGIN OF 40% TO 29%. 604 00:22:15,067 --> 00:22:16,478 SUBSTANTIAL MARGIN OF 40% TO 29%. HOWEVER, AN A.P. POLL SHOWED 605 00:22:16,502 --> 00:22:18,580 29%. HOWEVER, AN A.P. POLL SHOWED FORD THE WINNER BY 35.5% TO 606 00:22:18,604 --> 00:22:20,449 HOWEVER, AN A.P. POLL SHOWED FORD THE WINNER BY 35.5% TO 33.1%. 607 00:22:20,473 --> 00:22:21,717 FORD THE WINNER BY 35.5% TO 33.1%. A PANEL OF 10 EXPERTS FOUND 608 00:22:21,741 --> 00:22:23,952 33.1%. A PANEL OF 10 EXPERTS FOUND KEN NORTON TO BE THE WINNER. 609 00:22:23,976 --> 00:22:25,387 A PANEL OF 10 EXPERTS FOUND KEN NORTON TO BE THE WINNER. COMMENTING ON THE EARLY POLLS, 610 00:22:25,411 --> 00:22:26,922 KEN NORTON TO BE THE WINNER. COMMENTING ON THE EARLY POLLS, JIMMY CARTER SAID HE DIDN'T CARE 611 00:22:26,946 --> 00:22:27,323 COMMENTING ON THE EARLY POLLS, JIMMY CARTER SAID HE DIDN'T CARE MUCH. 612 00:22:27,347 --> 00:22:28,691 JIMMY CARTER SAID HE DIDN'T CARE MUCH. BUT FORD'S COMMENTS WERE, "THE 613 00:22:28,715 --> 00:22:29,958 MUCH. BUT FORD'S COMMENTS WERE, "THE POLES ARE AN INDEPENDENT AND 614 00:22:29,982 --> 00:22:31,293 BUT FORD'S COMMENTS WERE, "THE POLES ARE AN INDEPENDENT AND AUTONOMOUS PEOPLE, AND I DON'T 615 00:22:31,317 --> 00:22:32,728 POLES ARE AN INDEPENDENT AND AUTONOMOUS PEOPLE, AND I DON'T BELIEVE THEY CONSIDER THEMSELVES 616 00:22:32,752 --> 00:22:36,765 AUTONOMOUS PEOPLE, AND I DON'T BELIEVE THEY CONSIDER THEMSELVES TO BE UNDER SOVIET DOMINATION." 617 00:22:36,789 --> 00:22:38,066 BELIEVE THEY CONSIDER THEMSELVES TO BE UNDER SOVIET DOMINATION." THE PRESIDENT IS SAID TO BE 618 00:22:38,090 --> 00:22:39,267 TO BE UNDER SOVIET DOMINATION." THE PRESIDENT IS SAID TO BE READYING HIMSELF FOR THE 619 00:22:39,291 --> 00:22:43,839 THE PRESIDENT IS SAID TO BE READYING HIMSELF FOR THE UPCOMING FORD/DOLE DEBATES. 620 00:22:43,863 --> 00:22:45,507 READYING HIMSELF FOR THE UPCOMING FORD/DOLE DEBATES. PROBABLY THE BIGGEST SURPRISE OF 621 00:22:45,531 --> 00:22:47,008 UPCOMING FORD/DOLE DEBATES. PROBABLY THE BIGGEST SURPRISE OF LAST NIGHT'S DEBATES WAS WHEN 622 00:22:47,032 --> 00:22:48,577 PROBABLY THE BIGGEST SURPRISE OF LAST NIGHT'S DEBATES WAS WHEN JIMMY CARTER, TO THE CONFUSION 623 00:22:48,601 --> 00:22:49,945 LAST NIGHT'S DEBATES WAS WHEN JIMMY CARTER, TO THE CONFUSION OF EVERYONE, REVEALED THAT, WHEN 624 00:22:49,969 --> 00:22:51,213 JIMMY CARTER, TO THE CONFUSION OF EVERYONE, REVEALED THAT, WHEN THE MOOD HITS HIM, HE LIKES TO 625 00:22:51,237 --> 00:22:57,185 OF EVERYONE, REVEALED THAT, WHEN THE MOOD HITS HIM, HE LIKES TO DRESS UP LIKE ELEANOR ROOSEVELT. 626 00:22:57,209 --> 00:22:58,954 THE MOOD HITS HIM, HE LIKES TO DRESS UP LIKE ELEANOR ROOSEVELT. CHAIRMAN OF THE JOINT CHIEFS OF 627 00:22:58,978 --> 00:23:00,155 DRESS UP LIKE ELEANOR ROOSEVELT. CHAIRMAN OF THE JOINT CHIEFS OF STAFF, BUCK PRIVATE 628 00:23:00,179 --> 00:23:01,990 CHAIRMAN OF THE JOINT CHIEFS OF STAFF, BUCK PRIVATE GEORGE BROWN, APOLOGIZED FOR HIS 629 00:23:02,014 --> 00:23:03,425 STAFF, BUCK PRIVATE GEORGE BROWN, APOLOGIZED FOR HIS REMARK THAT ISRAEL WAS A 630 00:23:03,449 --> 00:23:04,760 GEORGE BROWN, APOLOGIZED FOR HIS REMARK THAT ISRAEL WAS A MILITARY BURDEN TO THE 631 00:23:04,784 --> 00:23:05,761 REMARK THAT ISRAEL WAS A MILITARY BURDEN TO THE UNITED STATES. 632 00:23:05,785 --> 00:23:07,295 MILITARY BURDEN TO THE UNITED STATES. BROWN STATED THAT WHAT HE MEANT 633 00:23:07,319 --> 00:23:08,731 UNITED STATES. BROWN STATED THAT WHAT HE MEANT TO SAY WAS, "LET'S LEAVE THE 634 00:23:08,755 --> 00:23:11,567 BROWN STATED THAT WHAT HE MEANT TO SAY WAS, "LET'S LEAVE THE DUMB JEWS HELPLESS." 635 00:23:11,591 --> 00:23:13,001 TO SAY WAS, "LET'S LEAVE THE DUMB JEWS HELPLESS." MEANWHILE, PREPARATIONS ARE 636 00:23:13,025 --> 00:23:14,236 DUMB JEWS HELPLESS." MEANWHILE, PREPARATIONS ARE UNDER WAY FOR THE FIRST 637 00:23:14,260 --> 00:23:15,637 MEANWHILE, PREPARATIONS ARE UNDER WAY FOR THE FIRST BROWN/BUTTS DEBATE, TO BE 638 00:23:15,661 --> 00:23:17,205 UNDER WAY FOR THE FIRST BROWN/BUTTS DEBATE, TO BE TELEVISED FROM A SYNAGOGUE IN 639 00:23:17,229 --> 00:23:20,409 BROWN/BUTTS DEBATE, TO BE TELEVISED FROM A SYNAGOGUE IN LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS. 640 00:23:20,433 --> 00:23:22,944 TELEVISED FROM A SYNAGOGUE IN LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS. CARLO GAMBINO, THE UNDERWORLD'S 641 00:23:22,968 --> 00:23:25,247 LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS. CARLO GAMBINO, THE UNDERWORLD'S NOTORIOUS CAPO DI TUTTI CAPI, 642 00:23:25,271 --> 00:23:27,783 CARLO GAMBINO, THE UNDERWORLD'S NOTORIOUS CAPO DI TUTTI CAPI, OR BOSS OF ALL BOSSES, WAS LAID 643 00:23:27,807 --> 00:23:29,485 NOTORIOUS CAPO DI TUTTI CAPI, OR BOSS OF ALL BOSSES, WAS LAID TO REST THIS WEEK AS A POWER 644 00:23:29,509 --> 00:23:31,186 OR BOSS OF ALL BOSSES, WAS LAID TO REST THIS WEEK AS A POWER STRUGGLE RAGED FOR HIS MAFIA 645 00:23:31,210 --> 00:23:32,354 TO REST THIS WEEK AS A POWER STRUGGLE RAGED FOR HIS MAFIA FAMILY LEADERSHIP. 646 00:23:32,378 --> 00:23:33,856 STRUGGLE RAGED FOR HIS MAFIA FAMILY LEADERSHIP. THE FUNERAL SERVICE WAS SIMPLE, 647 00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:35,123 FAMILY LEADERSHIP. THE FUNERAL SERVICE WAS SIMPLE, HIGHLIGHTED BY A CHORUS OF 648 00:23:35,147 --> 00:23:37,259 THE FUNERAL SERVICE WAS SIMPLE, HIGHLIGHTED BY A CHORUS OF MOURNERS SINGING "CIAO, CIAO, 649 00:23:37,283 --> 00:23:39,327 HIGHLIGHTED BY A CHORUS OF MOURNERS SINGING "CIAO, CIAO, GAMBINO", AS THE CASKET WAS 650 00:23:39,351 --> 00:23:40,562 MOURNERS SINGING "CIAO, CIAO, GAMBINO", AS THE CASKET WAS SPRINKLED WITH SAUSAGES AND 651 00:23:40,586 --> 00:23:41,963 GAMBINO", AS THE CASKET WAS SPRINKLED WITH SAUSAGES AND ANCHOVIES AND SEALED IN A PIZZA 652 00:23:41,987 --> 00:23:46,201 SPRINKLED WITH SAUSAGES AND ANCHOVIES AND SEALED IN A PIZZA OVEN. 653 00:23:46,225 --> 00:23:49,137 ANCHOVIES AND SEALED IN A PIZZA OVEN. ON THE SERIOUSER SIDE... ON A 654 00:23:49,161 --> 00:23:51,740 OVEN. ON THE SERIOUSER SIDE... ON A MORE SERIOUS SIDE... ON THE MORE 655 00:23:51,764 --> 00:23:53,809 ON THE SERIOUSER SIDE... ON A MORE SERIOUS SIDE... ON THE MORE SERIOUS SIDE, CHAIRMAN MAO WAS 656 00:23:53,833 --> 00:23:55,143 MORE SERIOUS SIDE... ON THE MORE SERIOUS SIDE, CHAIRMAN MAO WAS FINALLY LAID TO REST THIS WEEK 657 00:23:55,167 --> 00:23:57,012 SERIOUS SIDE, CHAIRMAN MAO WAS FINALLY LAID TO REST THIS WEEK AFTER MUCH DISCUSSION AS TO WHAT 658 00:23:57,036 --> 00:23:58,246 FINALLY LAID TO REST THIS WEEK AFTER MUCH DISCUSSION AS TO WHAT TO DO WITH HIS BODY. 659 00:23:58,270 --> 00:23:59,915 AFTER MUCH DISCUSSION AS TO WHAT TO DO WITH HIS BODY. AFTER WEEKS OF DEBATE, IT WAS 660 00:23:59,939 --> 00:24:01,650 TO DO WITH HIS BODY. AFTER WEEKS OF DEBATE, IT WAS DECIDED THAT THE FALLEN CHINESE 661 00:24:01,674 --> 00:24:03,318 AFTER WEEKS OF DEBATE, IT WAS DECIDED THAT THE FALLEN CHINESE LEADER BE BURIED IN A TAKEOUT 662 00:24:03,342 --> 00:24:04,553 DECIDED THAT THE FALLEN CHINESE LEADER BE BURIED IN A TAKEOUT SEMINARY. 663 00:24:04,577 --> 00:24:06,988 LEADER BE BURIED IN A TAKEOUT SEMINARY. THE FAMILY DECIDED THIS WOULD BE 664 00:24:07,012 --> 00:24:09,458 SEMINARY. THE FAMILY DECIDED THIS WOULD BE BEST, AS IT'S CHEAPER, IT'S OPEN 665 00:24:09,482 --> 00:24:10,959 THE FAMILY DECIDED THIS WOULD BE BEST, AS IT'S CHEAPER, IT'S OPEN 24 HOURS A DAY, AND IT'S WITHIN 666 00:24:10,983 --> 00:24:15,564 BEST, AS IT'S CHEAPER, IT'S OPEN 24 HOURS A DAY, AND IT'S WITHIN DELIVERY DISTANCE OF PEKING. 667 00:24:15,588 --> 00:24:17,132 24 HOURS A DAY, AND IT'S WITHIN DELIVERY DISTANCE OF PEKING. ALTHOUGH THE PRESS WAS BARRED 668 00:24:17,156 --> 00:24:18,767 DELIVERY DISTANCE OF PEKING. ALTHOUGH THE PRESS WAS BARRED FROM THE JURY-SELECTION PROCESS 669 00:24:18,791 --> 00:24:20,769 ALTHOUGH THE PRESS WAS BARRED FROM THE JURY-SELECTION PROCESS OF RUBIN "HURRICANE" CARTER'S 670 00:24:20,793 --> 00:24:22,471 FROM THE JURY-SELECTION PROCESS OF RUBIN "HURRICANE" CARTER'S RETRIAL, "WEEKEND UPDATE" WAS 671 00:24:22,495 --> 00:24:24,205 OF RUBIN "HURRICANE" CARTER'S RETRIAL, "WEEKEND UPDATE" WAS ABLE TO SNEAK ONE OF OUR STAFF 672 00:24:24,229 --> 00:24:26,974 RETRIAL, "WEEKEND UPDATE" WAS ABLE TO SNEAK ONE OF OUR STAFF ARTISTS INTO THE PROCEEDINGS. 673 00:24:26,998 --> 00:24:28,198 THE FORMER MIDDLEWEIGHT LOOKED 674 00:24:28,299 --> 00:24:29,539 AT HIS WATCH FOR 11 SECONDS AND 675 00:24:29,634 --> 00:24:31,301 THEN WROTE SOMETHING WHILE 676 00:24:31,436 --> 00:24:32,269 WAITING FOR 677 00:24:32,403 --> 00:24:34,171 JUDGE BRUNO L. LEOPIZZI TO 678 00:24:34,305 --> 00:24:35,873 IMPANEL 12 JURORS AND 4 679 00:24:36,007 --> 00:24:37,975 ALTERNATES INDIVIDUALLY BEHIND 680 00:24:38,109 --> 00:24:39,743 CLOSED DOORS. 681 00:24:40,011 --> 00:24:45,461 CARTER LEANED BACK AND THEN TOOK A DRINK OF WATER, AS THE JUDGE IMPOSED A GAG ORDER, RESTRICTING 682 00:24:45,485 --> 00:24:47,329 A DRINK OF WATER, AS THE JUDGE IMPOSED A GAG ORDER, RESTRICTING THE DEFENDANT'S AND OPPOSING 683 00:24:47,353 --> 00:24:49,297 IMPOSED A GAG ORDER, RESTRICTING THE DEFENDANT'S AND OPPOSING LAWYERS FROM COMMENTING ON THE 684 00:24:49,321 --> 00:24:50,833 THE DEFENDANT'S AND OPPOSING LAWYERS FROM COMMENTING ON THE TRIPLE-MURDER CASE. 685 00:24:50,857 --> 00:24:53,234 LAWYERS FROM COMMENTING ON THE TRIPLE-MURDER CASE. AFTER THAT, CARTER LEANED BACK 686 00:24:53,258 --> 00:24:59,675 TRIPLE-MURDER CASE. AFTER THAT, CARTER LEANED BACK AND CROSSED HIS ARMS. 687 00:24:59,699 --> 00:25:01,643 AFTER THAT, CARTER LEANED BACK AND CROSSED HIS ARMS. COMING UP NEXT... STUDENTS 688 00:25:01,667 --> 00:25:02,845 AND CROSSED HIS ARMS. COMING UP NEXT... STUDENTS REGISTER FOR CLASSES IN 689 00:25:02,869 --> 00:25:04,145 COMING UP NEXT... STUDENTS REGISTER FOR CLASSES IN THAILAND... RIGHT AFTER THIS 690 00:25:04,169 --> 00:25:06,529 REGISTER FOR CLASSES IN THAILAND... RIGHT AFTER THIS MESSAGE. 691 00:25:10,942 --> 00:25:16,358 ARE YOU LIKE MOST PEOPLE? DO YOU LONG FOR A GERMAN SHEPHERD THAT CAN TELL TIME? 692 00:25:16,382 --> 00:25:18,861 DO YOU LONG FOR A GERMAN SHEPHERD THAT CAN TELL TIME? WELL, HELP IS HERE! 693 00:25:18,885 --> 00:25:24,500 SHEPHERD THAT CAN TELL TIME? WELL, HELP IS HERE! [FANFARE PLAYS] 694 00:25:24,524 --> 00:25:27,636 WELL, HELP IS HERE! [FANFARE PLAYS] INTRODUCING FIDO-FLEX... THE 695 00:25:27,660 --> 00:25:30,739 [FANFARE PLAYS] INTRODUCING FIDO-FLEX... THE DIGITAL WATCHDOG! 696 00:25:30,763 --> 00:25:32,307 INTRODUCING FIDO-FLEX... THE DIGITAL WATCHDOG! THE ONLY WATCH THAT NURSES ITS 697 00:25:32,331 --> 00:25:33,909 DIGITAL WATCHDOG! THE ONLY WATCH THAT NURSES ITS YOUNG, AND THE ONLY DOG YOU CAN 698 00:25:33,933 --> 00:25:34,843 THE ONLY WATCH THAT NURSES ITS YOUNG, AND THE ONLY DOG YOU CAN WEAR UNDERWATER. 699 00:25:34,867 --> 00:25:35,777 YOUNG, AND THE ONLY DOG YOU CAN WEAR UNDERWATER. IT'S SIMPLE. 700 00:25:35,801 --> 00:25:37,746 WEAR UNDERWATER. IT'S SIMPLE. PULL THE DOG'S LEFT EAR, IT 701 00:25:37,770 --> 00:25:39,247 IT'S SIMPLE. PULL THE DOG'S LEFT EAR, IT TELLS YOU THE DATE. 702 00:25:39,271 --> 00:25:41,517 PULL THE DOG'S LEFT EAR, IT TELLS YOU THE DATE. PULL THE WATCH'S RIGHT EAR, IT 703 00:25:41,541 --> 00:25:43,118 TELLS YOU THE DATE. PULL THE WATCH'S RIGHT EAR, IT TELLS YOU THE TIME. 704 00:25:43,142 --> 00:25:45,888 PULL THE WATCH'S RIGHT EAR, IT TELLS YOU THE TIME. AND PULL THE WATCH'S TAIL, AND 705 00:25:45,912 --> 00:25:47,990 TELLS YOU THE TIME. AND PULL THE WATCH'S TAIL, AND IT FIGURES OUT YOUR AGE IN DOG 706 00:25:48,014 --> 00:25:49,625 AND PULL THE WATCH'S TAIL, AND IT FIGURES OUT YOUR AGE IN DOG YEARS. 707 00:25:49,649 --> 00:25:50,759 IT FIGURES OUT YOUR AGE IN DOG YEARS. IT'S DURABLE, TOO. 708 00:25:50,783 --> 00:25:52,427 YEARS. IT'S DURABLE, TOO. WE TOOK ONE OF THESE DIGITAL 709 00:25:52,451 --> 00:25:54,262 IT'S DURABLE, TOO. WE TOOK ONE OF THESE DIGITAL WATCHDOGS AND STRAPPED IT TO THE 710 00:25:54,286 --> 00:25:56,264 WE TOOK ONE OF THESE DIGITAL WATCHDOGS AND STRAPPED IT TO THE RUDDER OF A SPEEDBOAT... 711 00:25:56,288 --> 00:25:58,000 WATCHDOGS AND STRAPPED IT TO THE RUDDER OF A SPEEDBOAT... TRAVELING FROM NEW YORK HARBOR 712 00:25:58,024 --> 00:25:59,334 RUDDER OF A SPEEDBOAT... TRAVELING FROM NEW YORK HARBOR TO CHESAPEAKE BAY AT THE SPEED 713 00:25:59,358 --> 00:26:00,869 TRAVELING FROM NEW YORK HARBOR TO CHESAPEAKE BAY AT THE SPEED OF 45 KNOTS. 714 00:26:00,893 --> 00:26:05,407 TO CHESAPEAKE BAY AT THE SPEED OF 45 KNOTS. AND, AFTER 17 HOURS... 715 00:26:05,431 --> 00:26:08,209 OF 45 KNOTS. AND, AFTER 17 HOURS... IT'S STILL TICKING! 716 00:26:08,233 --> 00:26:10,846 AND, AFTER 17 HOURS... IT'S STILL TICKING! STAY! 717 00:26:10,870 --> 00:26:12,414 IT'S STILL TICKING! STAY! FIDO-FLEX... THE DIGITAL 718 00:26:12,438 --> 00:26:13,348 STAY! FIDO-FLEX... THE DIGITAL WATCHDOG! 719 00:26:13,372 --> 00:26:15,884 FIDO-FLEX... THE DIGITAL WATCHDOG! FOR THE MAN OF THE HOUSE OR... 720 00:26:15,908 --> 00:26:18,086 WATCHDOG! FOR THE MAN OF THE HOUSE OR... LADY FIDO-FLEX, FOR THE 721 00:26:18,110 --> 00:26:20,088 FOR THE MAN OF THE HOUSE OR... LADY FIDO-FLEX, FOR THE WOMAN. 722 00:26:20,112 --> 00:26:22,357 LADY FIDO-FLEX, FOR THE WOMAN. THE FIDO-FLEX... THE WATCH 723 00:26:22,381 --> 00:26:25,015 WOMAN. THE FIDO-FLEX... THE WATCH THAT GUARDS ITSELF. 724 00:26:32,958 --> 00:26:37,639 AS MANY OF YOU MAY ALREADY KNOW, I WAS RECENTLY TAKEN ILL FOR TWO WEEKS, AND SITTING IN 725 00:26:37,663 --> 00:26:39,374 KNOW, I WAS RECENTLY TAKEN ILL FOR TWO WEEKS, AND SITTING IN FOR ME WAS... AS THE ANCHORWOMAN 726 00:26:39,398 --> 00:26:40,709 FOR TWO WEEKS, AND SITTING IN FOR ME WAS... AS THE ANCHORWOMAN FOR "WEEKEND UPDATE"... WAS A 727 00:26:40,733 --> 00:26:42,243 FOR ME WAS... AS THE ANCHORWOMAN FOR "WEEKEND UPDATE"... WAS A VERY FINE JOURNALIST IN HER OWN 728 00:26:42,267 --> 00:26:43,378 FOR "WEEKEND UPDATE"... WAS A VERY FINE JOURNALIST IN HER OWN RIGHT... CORRESPONDENT 729 00:26:43,402 --> 00:26:44,746 VERY FINE JOURNALIST IN HER OWN RIGHT... CORRESPONDENT JANE CURTIN. 730 00:26:44,770 --> 00:26:46,381 RIGHT... CORRESPONDENT JANE CURTIN. OF COURSE, MUCH HAS BEEN SAID 731 00:26:46,405 --> 00:26:48,183 JANE CURTIN. OF COURSE, MUCH HAS BEEN SAID LATELY ABOUT THE PROS AND CONS 732 00:26:48,207 --> 00:26:49,918 OF COURSE, MUCH HAS BEEN SAID LATELY ABOUT THE PROS AND CONS OF A WOMAN REPORTER ANCHORING 733 00:26:49,942 --> 00:26:51,687 LATELY ABOUT THE PROS AND CONS OF A WOMAN REPORTER ANCHORING THE NATIONAL NEWS, BUT THERE'S 734 00:26:51,711 --> 00:26:53,589 OF A WOMAN REPORTER ANCHORING THE NATIONAL NEWS, BUT THERE'S CERTAINLY NO QUESTION IN MY MIND 735 00:26:53,613 --> 00:26:55,290 THE NATIONAL NEWS, BUT THERE'S CERTAINLY NO QUESTION IN MY MIND ABOUT THE VALIDITY OF WOMEN IN 736 00:26:55,314 --> 00:26:56,992 CERTAINLY NO QUESTION IN MY MIND ABOUT THE VALIDITY OF WOMEN IN ANY SO-CALLED TRADITIONAL MALE 737 00:26:57,016 --> 00:26:57,525 ABOUT THE VALIDITY OF WOMEN IN ANY SO-CALLED TRADITIONAL MALE ROLES. 738 00:26:57,549 --> 00:26:59,561 ANY SO-CALLED TRADITIONAL MALE ROLES. PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE AND SHOULD BE 739 00:26:59,585 --> 00:27:00,829 ROLES. PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE AND SHOULD BE JUDGED AS PEOPLE. 740 00:27:00,853 --> 00:27:02,530 PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE AND SHOULD BE JUDGED AS PEOPLE. ONE SUCH PERSON, WHO JUST 741 00:27:02,554 --> 00:27:04,265 JUDGED AS PEOPLE. ONE SUCH PERSON, WHO JUST HAPPENS TO BE A VERY FINE 742 00:27:04,289 --> 00:27:06,034 ONE SUCH PERSON, WHO JUST HAPPENS TO BE A VERY FINE NEWSWOMAN, IS JANE CURTIN. 743 00:27:06,058 --> 00:27:07,469 HAPPENS TO BE A VERY FINE NEWSWOMAN, IS JANE CURTIN. AND IT GIVES ME GREAT PLEASURE 744 00:27:07,493 --> 00:27:08,837 NEWSWOMAN, IS JANE CURTIN. AND IT GIVES ME GREAT PLEASURE TO WELCOME HER AS A REGULAR, 745 00:27:08,861 --> 00:27:10,338 AND IT GIVES ME GREAT PLEASURE TO WELCOME HER AS A REGULAR, JOINING ME ON "WEEKEND UPDATE." 746 00:27:10,362 --> 00:27:10,839 TO WELCOME HER AS A REGULAR, JOINING ME ON "WEEKEND UPDATE." JANE? 747 00:27:10,863 --> 00:27:12,107 JOINING ME ON "WEEKEND UPDATE." JANE? THANK YOU, CHEVY. 748 00:27:12,131 --> 00:27:13,575 JANE? THANK YOU, CHEVY. JANE, WELCOME, AND THANKS FOR 749 00:27:13,599 --> 00:27:14,943 THANK YOU, CHEVY. JANE, WELCOME, AND THANKS FOR TAKING OVER EARLIER THIS YEAR. 750 00:27:14,967 --> 00:27:16,511 JANE, WELCOME, AND THANKS FOR TAKING OVER EARLIER THIS YEAR. I UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE A REPORT 751 00:27:16,535 --> 00:27:17,646 TAKING OVER EARLIER THIS YEAR. I UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE A REPORT FOR US ON THE LATEST 752 00:27:17,670 --> 00:27:18,947 I UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE A REPORT FOR US ON THE LATEST FLUOROCARBON CONTROVERSY. 753 00:27:18,971 --> 00:27:20,181 FOR US ON THE LATEST FLUOROCARBON CONTROVERSY. THAT'S RIGHT, CHEVY. 754 00:27:20,205 --> 00:27:21,984 FLUOROCARBON CONTROVERSY. THAT'S RIGHT, CHEVY. A GROWING CONCERN EXISTS ABOUT 755 00:27:22,008 --> 00:27:23,685 THAT'S RIGHT, CHEVY. A GROWING CONCERN EXISTS ABOUT THE DANGERS OF FLUOROCARBONS 756 00:27:23,709 --> 00:27:25,220 A GROWING CONCERN EXISTS ABOUT THE DANGERS OF FLUOROCARBONS BEING RELEASED BY AEROSOL 757 00:27:25,244 --> 00:27:25,954 THE DANGERS OF FLUOROCARBONS BEING RELEASED BY AEROSOL PRODUCTS. 758 00:27:25,978 --> 00:27:27,422 BEING RELEASED BY AEROSOL PRODUCTS. RESPONSIBLE ENVIRONMENTALISTS 759 00:27:27,446 --> 00:27:28,924 PRODUCTS. RESPONSIBLE ENVIRONMENTALISTS HAVE BEEN WARNING US FOR YEARS 760 00:27:28,948 --> 00:27:30,525 RESPONSIBLE ENVIRONMENTALISTS HAVE BEEN WARNING US FOR YEARS THAT THESE FLUOROCARBONS ARE 761 00:27:30,549 --> 00:27:32,160 HAVE BEEN WARNING US FOR YEARS THAT THESE FLUOROCARBONS ARE SLOWLY DESTROYING THE EARTH'S 762 00:27:32,184 --> 00:27:32,961 THAT THESE FLUOROCARBONS ARE SLOWLY DESTROYING THE EARTH'S OZONE LAYER. 763 00:27:32,985 --> 00:27:34,997 SLOWLY DESTROYING THE EARTH'S OZONE LAYER. AS THE OZONE LAYER DISAPPEARS, 764 00:27:35,021 --> 00:27:37,332 OZONE LAYER. AS THE OZONE LAYER DISAPPEARS, THE SUN'S ULTRAVIOLET RAYS REACH 765 00:27:37,356 --> 00:27:39,635 AS THE OZONE LAYER DISAPPEARS, THE SUN'S ULTRAVIOLET RAYS REACH THE EARTH IN AN UNFILTERED STATE 766 00:27:39,659 --> 00:27:41,837 THE SUN'S ULTRAVIOLET RAYS REACH THE EARTH IN AN UNFILTERED STATE OF INTENSITY, STRONG ENOUGH TO 767 00:27:41,861 --> 00:27:43,271 THE EARTH IN AN UNFILTERED STATE OF INTENSITY, STRONG ENOUGH TO EVENTUALLY DESTROY LIFE ON OUR 768 00:27:43,295 --> 00:27:44,673 OF INTENSITY, STRONG ENOUGH TO EVENTUALLY DESTROY LIFE ON OUR PLANET AND, SUBSEQUENTLY, OUR 769 00:27:44,697 --> 00:27:45,641 EVENTUALLY DESTROY LIFE ON OUR PLANET AND, SUBSEQUENTLY, OUR PLANET ITSELF. 770 00:27:45,665 --> 00:27:47,475 PLANET AND, SUBSEQUENTLY, OUR PLANET ITSELF. PROPOSED LEGISLATION CONTROLLING 771 00:27:47,499 --> 00:27:49,144 PLANET ITSELF. PROPOSED LEGISLATION CONTROLLING AEROSOL PRODUCTS HAS BEEN AN 772 00:27:49,168 --> 00:27:50,912 PROPOSED LEGISLATION CONTROLLING AEROSOL PRODUCTS HAS BEEN AN ISSUE IN WASHINGTON FOR A LONG 773 00:27:50,936 --> 00:27:52,614 AEROSOL PRODUCTS HAS BEEN AN ISSUE IN WASHINGTON FOR A LONG TIME, BUT, SO FAR, HAS GOTTEN 774 00:27:52,638 --> 00:27:53,281 ISSUE IN WASHINGTON FOR A LONG TIME, BUT, SO FAR, HAS GOTTEN NOWHERE. 775 00:27:53,305 --> 00:27:55,416 TIME, BUT, SO FAR, HAS GOTTEN NOWHERE. THE ECOLOGICAL COMMUNITY URGES 776 00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:57,152 NOWHERE. THE ECOLOGICAL COMMUNITY URGES THE CONCERNED CITIZEN SHOULD 777 00:27:57,176 --> 00:27:59,087 THE ECOLOGICAL COMMUNITY URGES THE CONCERNED CITIZEN SHOULD ACT NOW... FORM GROUPS, WRITE TO 778 00:27:59,111 --> 00:28:00,989 THE CONCERNED CITIZEN SHOULD ACT NOW... FORM GROUPS, WRITE TO CONGRESS, PROTEST THE CONTINUED 779 00:28:01,013 --> 00:28:03,025 ACT NOW... FORM GROUPS, WRITE TO CONGRESS, PROTEST THE CONTINUED MANUFACTURE AND SALE OF PRODUCTS 780 00:28:03,049 --> 00:28:06,995 CONGRESS, PROTEST THE CONTINUED MANUFACTURE AND SALE OF PRODUCTS WHICH CAN EVENTUALLY DESTROY US. 781 00:28:07,019 --> 00:28:10,339 MANUFACTURE AND SALE OF PRODUCTS WHICH CAN EVENTUALLY DESTROY US. THANK YOU, JANE. 782 00:28:15,393 --> 00:28:19,908 JANE CURTIN. WELL, DAVID BOWIE PAID A SURPRISE VISIT TO NEW YORK THIS 783 00:28:19,932 --> 00:28:20,408 WELL, DAVID BOWIE PAID A SURPRISE VISIT TO NEW YORK THIS WEEK. 784 00:28:20,432 --> 00:28:21,743 SURPRISE VISIT TO NEW YORK THIS WEEK. FANS REMARKED THAT HE LOOKED 785 00:28:21,767 --> 00:28:24,680 WEEK. FANS REMARKED THAT HE LOOKED MUCH BIGGER IN PERSON. 786 00:28:24,704 --> 00:28:31,887 FANS REMARKED THAT HE LOOKED MUCH BIGGER IN PERSON. ADLAI STEVENSON. 787 00:28:31,911 --> 00:28:33,021 MUCH BIGGER IN PERSON. ADLAI STEVENSON. DICTATORIAL PRESIDENT 788 00:28:33,045 --> 00:28:34,622 ADLAI STEVENSON. DICTATORIAL PRESIDENT FERDINAND MARCOS IS PICTURED 789 00:28:34,646 --> 00:28:36,291 DICTATORIAL PRESIDENT FERDINAND MARCOS IS PICTURED HERE AND HAS BEEN CASTING HIS 790 00:28:36,315 --> 00:28:38,293 FERDINAND MARCOS IS PICTURED HERE AND HAS BEEN CASTING HIS BALLOTS IN A REFERENDUM. 791 00:28:38,317 --> 00:28:40,862 HERE AND HAS BEEN CASTING HIS BALLOTS IN A REFERENDUM. THOUGH... 792 00:28:40,886 --> 00:28:42,263 BALLOTS IN A REFERENDUM. THOUGH... I-I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE READING 793 00:28:42,287 --> 00:28:43,165 THOUGH... I-I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE READING OVER MY SHOULDER. 794 00:28:43,189 --> 00:28:44,299 I-I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE READING OVER MY SHOULDER. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 795 00:28:44,323 --> 00:28:45,266 OVER MY SHOULDER. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? OH, I'M SORRY. 796 00:28:45,290 --> 00:28:46,601 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? OH, I'M SORRY. I WAS JUST TRYING TO READ 797 00:28:46,625 --> 00:28:48,825 OH, I'M SORRY. I WAS JUST TRYING TO READ SOMETHING. 798 00:28:57,068 --> 00:29:02,483 WELL, ON THE WARMER, HAPPIER SIDE OF LIFE, FAR FROM THE STORIES WHICH SEEM SAD OR 799 00:29:02,507 --> 00:29:04,652 SIDE OF LIFE, FAR FROM THE STORIES WHICH SEEM SAD OR TRAGIC, BABY GORILLA BOOM-BOOM 800 00:29:04,676 --> 00:29:06,487 STORIES WHICH SEEM SAD OR TRAGIC, BABY GORILLA BOOM-BOOM WAS FLOWN BY CONCORDE FROM PARIS 801 00:29:06,511 --> 00:29:07,856 TRAGIC, BABY GORILLA BOOM-BOOM WAS FLOWN BY CONCORDE FROM PARIS TO WASHINGTON LAST THURSDAY TO 802 00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:08,990 WAS FLOWN BY CONCORDE FROM PARIS TO WASHINGTON LAST THURSDAY TO JOIN THE RINGLING BROS. AND 803 00:29:09,014 --> 00:29:12,127 TO WASHINGTON LAST THURSDAY TO JOIN THE RINGLING BROS. AND BARNUM & BAILEY ZOO AND CIRCUS. 804 00:29:12,151 --> 00:29:13,829 JOIN THE RINGLING BROS. AND BARNUM & BAILEY ZOO AND CIRCUS. BOOM-BOOM ENCHANTED PASSENGERS 805 00:29:13,853 --> 00:29:15,363 BARNUM & BAILEY ZOO AND CIRCUS. BOOM-BOOM ENCHANTED PASSENGERS AND STEWARDESSES DURING THE 806 00:29:15,387 --> 00:29:17,132 BOOM-BOOM ENCHANTED PASSENGERS AND STEWARDESSES DURING THE 3 1/2 HOUR FLIGHT BY DANCING IN 807 00:29:17,156 --> 00:29:18,867 AND STEWARDESSES DURING THE 3 1/2 HOUR FLIGHT BY DANCING IN THE AISLES, MAKING CUTE NOISES, 808 00:29:18,891 --> 00:29:20,268 3 1/2 HOUR FLIGHT BY DANCING IN THE AISLES, MAKING CUTE NOISES, AND BREAKING INTO THE COCKPIT 809 00:29:20,292 --> 00:29:21,669 THE AISLES, MAKING CUTE NOISES, AND BREAKING INTO THE COCKPIT AND RIPPING APART THE FACE OF 810 00:29:21,693 --> 00:29:22,971 AND BREAKING INTO THE COCKPIT AND RIPPING APART THE FACE OF THE CAPTAIN, MUTILATING THE 811 00:29:22,995 --> 00:29:24,806 AND RIPPING APART THE FACE OF THE CAPTAIN, MUTILATING THE NAVIGATOR, AND CRASH-LANDING THE 812 00:29:24,830 --> 00:29:25,907 THE CAPTAIN, MUTILATING THE NAVIGATOR, AND CRASH-LANDING THE JET IN GREENLAND. 813 00:29:25,931 --> 00:29:27,209 NAVIGATOR, AND CRASH-LANDING THE JET IN GREENLAND. ONE HUMOROUS NOTE... THERE WERE 814 00:29:27,233 --> 00:29:28,243 JET IN GREENLAND. ONE HUMOROUS NOTE... THERE WERE NO SURVIVORS. 815 00:29:28,267 --> 00:29:30,078 ONE HUMOROUS NOTE... THERE WERE NO SURVIVORS. WELL, THAT'S ALL THE NEWS WE 816 00:29:30,102 --> 00:29:31,113 NO SURVIVORS. WELL, THAT'S ALL THE NEWS WE HAVE TONIGHT. 817 00:29:31,137 --> 00:29:32,447 WELL, THAT'S ALL THE NEWS WE HAVE TONIGHT. GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT 818 00:29:32,471 --> 00:29:35,005 HAVE TONIGHT. GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW. 819 00:30:00,498 --> 00:30:04,980 THE MOTHER KNOWS THE KID CAN'T PLAY BASEBALL, RIGHT? SO SHE FINALLY SAYS TO THE KID, 820 00:30:05,004 --> 00:30:06,014 CAN'T PLAY BASEBALL, RIGHT? SO SHE FINALLY SAYS TO THE KID, "YOU KNOW HE CAN'T PLAY 821 00:30:06,038 --> 00:30:06,514 SO SHE FINALLY SAYS TO THE KID, "YOU KNOW HE CAN'T PLAY BASEBALL. 822 00:30:06,538 --> 00:30:07,448 "YOU KNOW HE CAN'T PLAY BASEBALL. WHY DO YOU WANT HIM TO 823 00:30:07,472 --> 00:30:07,983 BASEBALL. WHY DO YOU WANT HIM TO COME OUT?" 824 00:30:08,007 --> 00:30:09,151 WHY DO YOU WANT HIM TO COME OUT?" THE KID SAID, "THAT'S OKAY. 825 00:30:09,175 --> 00:30:10,351 COME OUT?" THE KID SAID, "THAT'S OKAY. WE JUST WANT TO USE HIM FOR 826 00:30:10,375 --> 00:30:11,352 THE KID SAID, "THAT'S OKAY. WE JUST WANT TO USE HIM FOR THIRD BASE." 827 00:30:11,376 --> 00:30:12,720 WE JUST WANT TO USE HIM FOR THIRD BASE." [BOTH LAUGH] 828 00:30:12,744 --> 00:30:13,922 THIRD BASE." [BOTH LAUGH] I LOVE SICK HUMOR. 829 00:30:13,946 --> 00:30:15,123 [BOTH LAUGH] I LOVE SICK HUMOR. IT REALLY WIGS ME OUT. 830 00:30:15,147 --> 00:30:16,792 I LOVE SICK HUMOR. IT REALLY WIGS ME OUT. LIKE, I DIG IT WHEN LENNY BRUCE 831 00:30:16,816 --> 00:30:18,326 IT REALLY WIGS ME OUT. LIKE, I DIG IT WHEN LENNY BRUCE SAYS WE'RE ALL PUNTZES AND WE 832 00:30:18,350 --> 00:30:19,895 LIKE, I DIG IT WHEN LENNY BRUCE SAYS WE'RE ALL PUNTZES AND WE DON'T KNOW OUR SHVUKUSES FROM 833 00:30:19,919 --> 00:30:20,662 SAYS WE'RE ALL PUNTZES AND WE DON'T KNOW OUR SHVUKUSES FROM OUR SHMUPS. 834 00:30:20,686 --> 00:30:23,231 DON'T KNOW OUR SHVUKUSES FROM OUR SHMUPS. OR WHEN HE SAYS, "GO SHTUNK 835 00:30:23,255 --> 00:30:24,032 OUR SHMUPS. OR WHEN HE SAYS, "GO SHTUNK MUD." 836 00:30:24,056 --> 00:30:26,134 OR WHEN HE SAYS, "GO SHTUNK MUD." THAT'S "SHTUP MUD"... 837 00:30:26,158 --> 00:30:27,803 MUD." THAT'S "SHTUP MUD"... "SHTUP." 838 00:30:27,827 --> 00:30:29,537 THAT'S "SHTUP MUD"... "SHTUP." WHAT DO YOU TWO WANT TO DRINK? 839 00:30:29,561 --> 00:30:31,840 "SHTUP." WHAT DO YOU TWO WANT TO DRINK? ALL RIGHT! YEAH! 840 00:30:31,864 --> 00:30:35,143 WHAT DO YOU TWO WANT TO DRINK? ALL RIGHT! YEAH! AND NOW YOU CHICKS AND YOU CATS 841 00:30:35,167 --> 00:30:37,478 ALL RIGHT! YEAH! AND NOW YOU CHICKS AND YOU CATS ARE REALLY GONNA DIG THIS DUDE 842 00:30:37,502 --> 00:30:39,514 AND NOW YOU CHICKS AND YOU CATS ARE REALLY GONNA DIG THIS DUDE FROM SPAIN! 843 00:30:39,538 --> 00:30:42,583 ARE REALLY GONNA DIG THIS DUDE FROM SPAIN! HE'S A FLAMENCO GUITARIST, AND 844 00:30:42,607 --> 00:30:45,553 FROM SPAIN! HE'S A FLAMENCO GUITARIST, AND GUITAR IS HIS SECOND AX, MAN! 845 00:30:45,577 --> 00:30:46,955 HE'S A FLAMENCO GUITARIST, AND GUITAR IS HIS SECOND AX, MAN! HE BUMMED AROUND WITH 846 00:30:46,979 --> 00:30:48,623 GUITAR IS HIS SECOND AX, MAN! HE BUMMED AROUND WITH JACK KEROUAC'S COUSIN. 847 00:30:48,647 --> 00:30:49,958 HE BUMMED AROUND WITH JACK KEROUAC'S COUSIN. JUAN KUTNER! 848 00:30:49,982 --> 00:30:51,726 JACK KEROUAC'S COUSIN. JUAN KUTNER! YEAH, LET'S REALLY DIG HIM. 849 00:30:51,750 --> 00:30:53,494 JUAN KUTNER! YEAH, LET'S REALLY DIG HIM. HE'S A REAL WIGGED-OUT GUY. 850 00:30:53,518 --> 00:30:56,078 YEAH, LET'S REALLY DIG HIM. HE'S A REAL WIGGED-OUT GUY. [APPLAUSE] 851 00:31:03,261 --> 00:31:07,931 YEAH. RIGHT. GROOVY. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. 852 00:31:13,738 --> 00:31:17,540 [VOCALIZING LOUDLY] 853 00:31:47,305 --> 00:31:55,305 [VOCALIZES] [MUTTERING IN SPANISH] [PIANO PLAYS] 854 00:31:55,714 --> 00:31:58,693 [MUTTERING IN SPANISH] [PIANO PLAYS] YEAH! RIGHT! HEY! 855 00:31:58,717 --> 00:32:02,697 [PIANO PLAYS] YEAH! RIGHT! HEY! [APPLAUSE] 856 00:32:02,721 --> 00:32:03,999 YEAH! RIGHT! HEY! [APPLAUSE] ALL RIGHT. 857 00:32:04,023 --> 00:32:05,633 [APPLAUSE] ALL RIGHT. YOU KNOW THAT WHEN GINSBERG 858 00:32:05,657 --> 00:32:07,502 ALL RIGHT. YOU KNOW THAT WHEN GINSBERG WAILED WITH THE "HOWL," YOU DIG, 859 00:32:07,526 --> 00:32:08,669 YOU KNOW THAT WHEN GINSBERG WAILED WITH THE "HOWL," YOU DIG, "I HAVE SEEN THE BEST MINDS OF 860 00:32:08,693 --> 00:32:09,670 WAILED WITH THE "HOWL," YOU DIG, "I HAVE SEEN THE BEST MINDS OF MY GENERATION SCREAMING, 861 00:32:09,694 --> 00:32:10,705 "I HAVE SEEN THE BEST MINDS OF MY GENERATION SCREAMING, HYSTERICAL, NAKED, ROAMING 862 00:32:10,729 --> 00:32:11,839 MY GENERATION SCREAMING, HYSTERICAL, NAKED, ROAMING THROUGH THE NEGRO STREETS AT 863 00:32:11,863 --> 00:32:13,041 HYSTERICAL, NAKED, ROAMING THROUGH THE NEGRO STREETS AT DAWN LOOKING FOR AN ANGRY FIX." 864 00:32:13,065 --> 00:32:15,410 THROUGH THE NEGRO STREETS AT DAWN LOOKING FOR AN ANGRY FIX." YOU KNEW HE WAS TALKING ABOUT 865 00:32:15,434 --> 00:32:17,879 DAWN LOOKING FOR AN ANGRY FIX." YOU KNEW HE WAS TALKING ABOUT ONE CAT, MAN, AND THAT CAT WAS 866 00:32:17,903 --> 00:32:19,781 YOU KNEW HE WAS TALKING ABOUT ONE CAT, MAN, AND THAT CAT WAS POET RODNEY CHERNIN. 867 00:32:19,805 --> 00:32:23,818 ONE CAT, MAN, AND THAT CAT WAS POET RODNEY CHERNIN. GO, ROD, GO! 868 00:32:23,842 --> 00:32:28,990 POET RODNEY CHERNIN. GO, ROD, GO! [SCATTERED APPLAUSE] 869 00:32:29,014 --> 00:32:32,360 GO, ROD, GO! [SCATTERED APPLAUSE] "OH, MR. COMMUTER! 870 00:32:32,384 --> 00:32:35,997 [SCATTERED APPLAUSE] "OH, MR. COMMUTER! WASH ME NOT IN YOUR MAD AVE. 871 00:32:36,021 --> 00:32:38,433 "OH, MR. COMMUTER! WASH ME NOT IN YOUR MAD AVE. PAINT-BY-NUMBERS SOAP, 872 00:32:38,457 --> 00:32:41,336 WASH ME NOT IN YOUR MAD AVE. PAINT-BY-NUMBERS SOAP, IN YOUR CHEEZ WHIZ TV DINNER 873 00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:44,806 PAINT-BY-NUMBERS SOAP, IN YOUR CHEEZ WHIZ TV DINNER BATHTUB GRAVEYARD! 874 00:32:44,830 --> 00:32:47,642 IN YOUR CHEEZ WHIZ TV DINNER BATHTUB GRAVEYARD! NOT FOR ME YOUR DRIP-DRY TUNA 875 00:32:47,666 --> 00:32:48,876 BATHTUB GRAVEYARD! NOT FOR ME YOUR DRIP-DRY TUNA CASSEROLE!" 876 00:32:48,900 --> 00:32:49,877 NOT FOR ME YOUR DRIP-DRY TUNA CASSEROLE!" [BONGO RIM SHOT] 877 00:32:49,901 --> 00:32:52,513 CASSEROLE!" [BONGO RIM SHOT] "NOT FOR ME YOUR GRAY-AND-PINK 878 00:32:52,537 --> 00:32:55,250 [BONGO RIM SHOT] "NOT FOR ME YOUR GRAY-AND-PINK POODLE FASCISM! 879 00:32:55,274 --> 00:33:02,090 "NOT FOR ME YOUR GRAY-AND-PINK POODLE FASCISM! I'D RATHER ROLL IN MY OWN PUKE! 880 00:33:02,114 --> 00:33:04,960 POODLE FASCISM! I'D RATHER ROLL IN MY OWN PUKE! FREE AND PROUD TO SMELL! 881 00:33:04,984 --> 00:33:06,494 I'D RATHER ROLL IN MY OWN PUKE! FREE AND PROUD TO SMELL! THIS IS POETRY! 882 00:33:06,518 --> 00:33:08,997 FREE AND PROUD TO SMELL! THIS IS POETRY! IT DOES NOT NEED TO RHYME! 883 00:33:09,021 --> 00:33:10,665 THIS IS POETRY! IT DOES NOT NEED TO RHYME! GA GA! 884 00:33:10,689 --> 00:33:12,233 IT DOES NOT NEED TO RHYME! GA GA! DA DA! 885 00:33:12,257 --> 00:33:13,368 GA GA! DA DA! GOD! 886 00:33:13,392 --> 00:33:14,336 DA DA! GOD! DOG! 887 00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:15,236 GOD! DOG! DOG! 888 00:33:15,260 --> 00:33:16,037 DOG! DOG! GOD!" 889 00:33:16,061 --> 00:33:18,006 DOG! GOD!" GENIUS! AH, GENIUS! 890 00:33:18,030 --> 00:33:18,906 GOD!" GENIUS! AH, GENIUS! "PERIOD! 891 00:33:18,930 --> 00:33:19,941 GENIUS! AH, GENIUS! "PERIOD! COMMA, COMMA! 892 00:33:19,965 --> 00:33:21,676 "PERIOD! COMMA, COMMA! NEW LINE. COLON! 893 00:33:21,700 --> 00:33:23,144 COMMA, COMMA! NEW LINE. COLON! QUESTION MARK? 894 00:33:23,168 --> 00:33:24,846 NEW LINE. COLON! QUESTION MARK? HEAR THE SOUND! 895 00:33:24,870 --> 00:33:26,114 QUESTION MARK? HEAR THE SOUND! HEAR THE SOUND! 896 00:33:26,138 --> 00:33:27,515 HEAR THE SOUND! HEAR THE SOUND! ZOOM! 897 00:33:27,539 --> 00:33:28,984 HEAR THE SOUND! ZOOM! ZOOM! 898 00:33:29,008 --> 00:33:31,386 ZOOM! ZOOM! ZOOM!" 899 00:33:31,410 --> 00:33:32,720 ZOOM! ZOOM!" [MUTTERS] 900 00:33:32,744 --> 00:33:33,554 ZOOM!" [MUTTERS] OH! 901 00:33:33,578 --> 00:33:35,090 [MUTTERS] OH! "ZOOM! 902 00:33:35,114 --> 00:33:36,224 OH! "ZOOM! ZOOM! 903 00:33:36,248 --> 00:33:37,125 "ZOOM! ZOOM! ZOOM! 904 00:33:37,149 --> 00:33:38,159 ZOOM! ZOOM! FALLOUT SHELTER! 905 00:33:38,183 --> 00:33:39,260 ZOOM! FALLOUT SHELTER! SPUTNIK! 906 00:33:39,284 --> 00:33:40,561 FALLOUT SHELTER! SPUTNIK! H-BOMB! 907 00:33:40,585 --> 00:33:43,031 SPUTNIK! H-BOMB! EXPLOSION! EXPLOSION! EXPLOSION! 908 00:33:43,055 --> 00:33:47,035 H-BOMB! EXPLOSION! EXPLOSION! EXPLOSION! BANG!" 909 00:33:47,059 --> 00:33:51,106 EXPLOSION! EXPLOSION! EXPLOSION! BANG!" [APPLAUSE] 910 00:33:51,130 --> 00:33:52,974 BANG!" [APPLAUSE] I PREFER HIS HAIKU. 911 00:33:52,998 --> 00:33:55,110 [APPLAUSE] I PREFER HIS HAIKU. I LOVE JAPANESE MOVIES. 912 00:33:55,134 --> 00:33:56,344 I PREFER HIS HAIKU. I LOVE JAPANESE MOVIES. I MEAN FILMS. 913 00:33:56,368 --> 00:33:58,346 I LOVE JAPANESE MOVIES. I MEAN FILMS. BUT THEY'RE SO NIHILISTIC. I... 914 00:33:58,370 --> 00:34:00,382 I MEAN FILMS. BUT THEY'RE SO NIHILISTIC. I... ANYTHING'S BETTER, UH, THAN 915 00:34:00,406 --> 00:34:01,349 BUT THEY'RE SO NIHILISTIC. I... ANYTHING'S BETTER, UH, THAN HOLLYWOOD, MAN. 916 00:34:01,373 --> 00:34:02,817 ANYTHING'S BETTER, UH, THAN HOLLYWOOD, MAN. I MEAN, JAMES DEAN WENT TO 917 00:34:02,841 --> 00:34:03,518 HOLLYWOOD, MAN. I MEAN, JAMES DEAN WENT TO HOLLYWOOD. 918 00:34:03,542 --> 00:34:04,852 I MEAN, JAMES DEAN WENT TO HOLLYWOOD. LOOK WHAT IT DID TO HIM. 919 00:34:04,876 --> 00:34:06,821 HOLLYWOOD. LOOK WHAT IT DID TO HIM. I'M STUDYING THE METHOD WITH 920 00:34:06,845 --> 00:34:07,722 LOOK WHAT IT DID TO HIM. I'M STUDYING THE METHOD WITH UTA HAGEN. 921 00:34:07,746 --> 00:34:09,657 I'M STUDYING THE METHOD WITH UTA HAGEN. I'D NEVER GO TO HOLLYWOOD. 922 00:34:09,681 --> 00:34:11,159 UTA HAGEN. I'D NEVER GO TO HOLLYWOOD. IT'S NOWHERESVILLE. 923 00:34:11,183 --> 00:34:13,361 I'D NEVER GO TO HOLLYWOOD. IT'S NOWHERESVILLE. AND NOW THE MOST FROM THE 924 00:34:13,385 --> 00:34:14,062 IT'S NOWHERESVILLE. AND NOW THE MOST FROM THE SOUTH. 925 00:34:14,086 --> 00:34:16,264 AND NOW THE MOST FROM THE SOUTH. ALL THE WAY FROM SHREVEPORT, 926 00:34:16,288 --> 00:34:19,067 SOUTH. ALL THE WAY FROM SHREVEPORT, LOUISIANA, HE'S BLIND NEGRO 927 00:34:19,091 --> 00:34:20,668 ALL THE WAY FROM SHREVEPORT, LOUISIANA, HE'S BLIND NEGRO JOSH JACKSON. 928 00:34:20,692 --> 00:34:21,969 LOUISIANA, HE'S BLIND NEGRO JOSH JACKSON. MAYBE SOME OF YOU CATS AND 929 00:34:21,993 --> 00:34:23,505 JOSH JACKSON. MAYBE SOME OF YOU CATS AND CHICKS AREN'T HIP TO THIS, BUT, 930 00:34:23,529 --> 00:34:24,839 MAYBE SOME OF YOU CATS AND CHICKS AREN'T HIP TO THIS, BUT, LIKE, NEGROES HAVE REALLY 931 00:34:24,863 --> 00:34:26,207 CHICKS AREN'T HIP TO THIS, BUT, LIKE, NEGROES HAVE REALLY SUFFERED IN WHITE SOCIETY. 932 00:34:26,231 --> 00:34:27,942 LIKE, NEGROES HAVE REALLY SUFFERED IN WHITE SOCIETY. SO DIG THIS MA-A-A-N. 933 00:34:27,966 --> 00:34:29,777 SUFFERED IN WHITE SOCIETY. SO DIG THIS MA-A-A-N. [SCATTERED APPLAUSE] 934 00:34:29,801 --> 00:34:32,747 SO DIG THIS MA-A-A-N. [SCATTERED APPLAUSE] THANK YOU. 935 00:34:32,771 --> 00:34:34,749 [SCATTERED APPLAUSE] THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. 936 00:34:34,773 --> 00:34:36,384 THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. YEAH, NOW, I'M GOIN' PICK A 937 00:34:36,408 --> 00:34:37,952 THANK YOU. THANK YOU. YEAH, NOW, I'M GOIN' PICK A LITTLE TUNE HERE. 938 00:34:37,976 --> 00:34:40,288 YEAH, NOW, I'M GOIN' PICK A LITTLE TUNE HERE. THIS HERE'S CALLED "THE TROUBLE 939 00:34:40,312 --> 00:34:42,290 LITTLE TUNE HERE. THIS HERE'S CALLED "THE TROUBLE AND MISERY BLUES." 940 00:34:42,314 --> 00:34:44,759 THIS HERE'S CALLED "THE TROUBLE AND MISERY BLUES." [CLEARS THROAT] 941 00:34:44,783 --> 00:34:47,828 AND MISERY BLUES." [CLEARS THROAT] ♪ WELL, I WOKE UP THIS MORNIN' ♪ 942 00:34:47,852 --> 00:34:51,232 [CLEARS THROAT] ♪ WELL, I WOKE UP THIS MORNIN' ♪ ♪ AND THE COFFEE WAS COLD ♪ 943 00:34:51,256 --> 00:34:54,069 ♪ WELL, I WOKE UP THIS MORNIN' ♪ ♪ AND THE COFFEE WAS COLD ♪ ♪ AND THE BABY WAS CRYIN' ♪ 944 00:34:54,093 --> 00:34:57,138 ♪ AND THE COFFEE WAS COLD ♪ ♪ AND THE BABY WAS CRYIN' ♪ ♪ SO I WENT TO THE CITY ♪ 945 00:34:57,162 --> 00:35:01,642 ♪ AND THE BABY WAS CRYIN' ♪ ♪ SO I WENT TO THE CITY ♪ ♪ AND A CAR RAN OVER MY FOOT ♪ 946 00:35:01,666 --> 00:35:03,278 ♪ SO I WENT TO THE CITY ♪ ♪ AND A CAR RAN OVER MY FOOT ♪ [HARMONICA PLAYS] 947 00:35:03,302 --> 00:35:04,779 ♪ AND A CAR RAN OVER MY FOOT ♪ [HARMONICA PLAYS] ♪ WAAAAHHH! ♪ 948 00:35:04,803 --> 00:35:06,381 [HARMONICA PLAYS] ♪ WAAAAHHH! ♪ ♪ WAAAHHH! ♪ 949 00:35:06,405 --> 00:35:08,349 ♪ WAAAAHHH! ♪ ♪ WAAAHHH! ♪ ♪ AND I ASKED THE WHITE MAN FOR 950 00:35:08,373 --> 00:35:09,584 ♪ WAAAHHH! ♪ ♪ AND I ASKED THE WHITE MAN FOR A JOB ♪ 951 00:35:09,608 --> 00:35:10,918 ♪ AND I ASKED THE WHITE MAN FOR A JOB ♪ ♪ AND HE WOULDN'T GIVE ME NO 952 00:35:10,942 --> 00:35:12,587 A JOB ♪ ♪ AND HE WOULDN'T GIVE ME NO JOB ♪ 953 00:35:12,611 --> 00:35:15,557 ♪ AND HE WOULDN'T GIVE ME NO JOB ♪ ♪ AND I GOT HOLES IN MY SHOES ♪ 954 00:35:15,581 --> 00:35:17,425 JOB ♪ ♪ AND I GOT HOLES IN MY SHOES ♪ ♪ AND I GOT HOLES IN MY FEET, 955 00:35:17,449 --> 00:35:18,793 ♪ AND I GOT HOLES IN MY SHOES ♪ ♪ AND I GOT HOLES IN MY FEET, TOO ♪ 956 00:35:18,817 --> 00:35:20,361 ♪ AND I GOT HOLES IN MY FEET, TOO ♪ [HARMONICA PLAYS] 957 00:35:20,385 --> 00:35:21,362 TOO ♪ [HARMONICA PLAYS] ♪ WAAAHHH! ♪ 958 00:35:21,386 --> 00:35:22,830 [HARMONICA PLAYS] ♪ WAAAHHH! ♪ ♪ WAAAHHH! ♪ 959 00:35:22,854 --> 00:35:28,736 ♪ WAAAHHH! ♪ ♪ WAAAHHH! ♪ [HARMONICA PLAYS] 960 00:35:28,760 --> 00:35:32,373 ♪ WAAAHHH! ♪ [HARMONICA PLAYS] ♪ AND I GOT $5 FOR THE WINTER ♪ 961 00:35:32,397 --> 00:35:34,476 [HARMONICA PLAYS] ♪ AND I GOT $5 FOR THE WINTER ♪ ♪ AND THE RATS IS GNAWIN' ON 962 00:35:34,500 --> 00:35:37,178 ♪ AND I GOT $5 FOR THE WINTER ♪ ♪ AND THE RATS IS GNAWIN' ON MAMA'S OLD CHURCH HAT ♪ 963 00:35:37,202 --> 00:35:38,012 ♪ AND THE RATS IS GNAWIN' ON MAMA'S OLD CHURCH HAT ♪ ♪ WAAAHHH! ♪ 964 00:35:38,036 --> 00:35:39,280 MAMA'S OLD CHURCH HAT ♪ ♪ WAAAHHH! ♪ ♪ WAAAHHH! ♪ 965 00:35:39,304 --> 00:35:40,648 ♪ WAAAHHH! ♪ ♪ WAAAHHH! ♪ [HARMONICA PLAYS] 966 00:35:40,672 --> 00:35:44,051 ♪ WAAAHHH! ♪ [HARMONICA PLAYS] ♪ AND I WAS BLIND YESTERDAY ♪ 967 00:35:44,075 --> 00:35:46,988 [HARMONICA PLAYS] ♪ AND I WAS BLIND YESTERDAY ♪ ♪ I'M BLIND TODAY ♪ 968 00:35:47,012 --> 00:35:53,628 ♪ AND I WAS BLIND YESTERDAY ♪ ♪ I'M BLIND TODAY ♪ ♪ GOIN' BE BLI-I-I-ND TOMORROW ♪ 969 00:35:53,652 --> 00:35:55,763 ♪ I'M BLIND TODAY ♪ ♪ GOIN' BE BLI-I-I-ND TOMORROW ♪ [HARMONICA PLAYS] 970 00:35:55,787 --> 00:35:57,265 ♪ GOIN' BE BLI-I-I-ND TOMORROW ♪ [HARMONICA PLAYS] [APPLAUSE] 971 00:35:57,289 --> 00:36:01,035 [HARMONICA PLAYS] [APPLAUSE] THANK YOU. THANK YOU. 972 00:36:01,059 --> 00:36:02,403 [APPLAUSE] THANK YOU. THANK YOU. GREAT STUFF, MAN. 973 00:36:02,427 --> 00:36:04,405 THANK YOU. THANK YOU. GREAT STUFF, MAN. YOU KNOW, I LOVED SIDNEY POITIER 974 00:36:04,429 --> 00:36:05,873 GREAT STUFF, MAN. YOU KNOW, I LOVED SIDNEY POITIER IN "THE DEFIANT ONES." 975 00:36:05,897 --> 00:36:09,511 YOU KNOW, I LOVED SIDNEY POITIER IN "THE DEFIANT ONES." HE WAS GREAT. SIT DOWN, BABY. 976 00:36:09,535 --> 00:36:11,546 IN "THE DEFIANT ONES." HE WAS GREAT. SIT DOWN, BABY. LIKE, THEY ARE SO REAL. 977 00:36:11,570 --> 00:36:12,413 HE WAS GREAT. SIT DOWN, BABY. LIKE, THEY ARE SO REAL. ME TOO. 978 00:36:12,437 --> 00:36:14,382 LIKE, THEY ARE SO REAL. ME TOO. I THINK WE ALL HAVE SO MUCH TO 979 00:36:14,406 --> 00:36:15,750 ME TOO. I THINK WE ALL HAVE SO MUCH TO LEARN FROM NEGROES. 980 00:36:15,774 --> 00:36:17,552 I THINK WE ALL HAVE SO MUCH TO LEARN FROM NEGROES. AND NOW THE MOHEL OF THE 981 00:36:17,576 --> 00:36:18,786 LEARN FROM NEGROES. AND NOW THE MOHEL OF THE BOILS OF SOCIETY! 982 00:36:18,810 --> 00:36:20,555 AND NOW THE MOHEL OF THE BOILS OF SOCIETY! A CAT WHO CUTS THROUGH THE 983 00:36:20,579 --> 00:36:21,856 BOILS OF SOCIETY! A CAT WHO CUTS THROUGH THE MALADIES OF TRUTH! 984 00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:23,724 A CAT WHO CUTS THROUGH THE MALADIES OF TRUTH! THIS CAT IS TOO WIGGED OUT FOR 985 00:36:23,748 --> 00:36:24,725 MALADIES OF TRUTH! THIS CAT IS TOO WIGGED OUT FOR THE IDIOT BOX. 986 00:36:24,749 --> 00:36:26,127 THIS CAT IS TOO WIGGED OUT FOR THE IDIOT BOX. YOU'LL NEVER CATCH HIM ON 987 00:36:26,151 --> 00:36:27,262 THE IDIOT BOX. YOU'LL NEVER CATCH HIM ON "STEVE ALLEN," MAN. 988 00:36:27,286 --> 00:36:28,463 YOU'LL NEVER CATCH HIM ON "STEVE ALLEN," MAN. HERE HE IS... THE WORLD'S 989 00:36:28,487 --> 00:36:29,730 "STEVE ALLEN," MAN. HERE HE IS... THE WORLD'S MOST PARANOID HIP COMIC... 990 00:36:29,754 --> 00:36:32,167 HERE HE IS... THE WORLD'S MOST PARANOID HIP COMIC... SHELLEY BAYLESS. 991 00:36:32,191 --> 00:36:36,037 MOST PARANOID HIP COMIC... SHELLEY BAYLESS. [SCATTERED APPLAUSE] 992 00:36:36,061 --> 00:36:37,038 SHELLEY BAYLESS. [SCATTERED APPLAUSE] HI. 993 00:36:37,062 --> 00:36:39,073 [SCATTERED APPLAUSE] HI. HEY, MAN. HA! 994 00:36:39,097 --> 00:36:40,841 HI. HEY, MAN. HA! LIKE, I WORE THE SHADES 'CAUSE 995 00:36:40,865 --> 00:36:42,710 HEY, MAN. HA! LIKE, I WORE THE SHADES 'CAUSE CANDLES ARE TOO BRIGHT, YOU DIG? 996 00:36:42,734 --> 00:36:43,944 LIKE, I WORE THE SHADES 'CAUSE CANDLES ARE TOO BRIGHT, YOU DIG? YEAH! 997 00:36:43,968 --> 00:36:45,780 CANDLES ARE TOO BRIGHT, YOU DIG? YEAH! WHAT'S THE MATTER, MAN? 998 00:36:45,804 --> 00:36:47,415 YEAH! WHAT'S THE MATTER, MAN? DIDN'T SELL ENOUGH LIFE 999 00:36:47,439 --> 00:36:48,650 WHAT'S THE MATTER, MAN? DIDN'T SELL ENOUGH LIFE INSURANCE TODAY? 1000 00:36:48,674 --> 00:36:49,884 DIDN'T SELL ENOUGH LIFE INSURANCE TODAY? IS THAT IT? HUH? 1001 00:36:49,908 --> 00:36:51,486 INSURANCE TODAY? IS THAT IT? HUH? WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT? 1002 00:36:51,510 --> 00:36:52,387 IS THAT IT? HUH? WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT? WHAT? 1003 00:36:52,411 --> 00:36:53,788 WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT? WHAT? CIGARETTE, MAN. HUH? 1004 00:36:53,812 --> 00:36:55,790 WHAT? CIGARETTE, MAN. HUH? WHAT ARE YOU, A COP? HUH? 1005 00:36:55,814 --> 00:36:56,991 CIGARETTE, MAN. HUH? WHAT ARE YOU, A COP? HUH? WHAT ARE YOU... 1006 00:36:57,015 --> 00:36:58,660 WHAT ARE YOU, A COP? HUH? WHAT ARE YOU... YOU'RE ALL COPS, RIGHT? 1007 00:36:58,684 --> 00:37:00,662 WHAT ARE YOU... YOU'RE ALL COPS, RIGHT? YOU'RE ALL COPS, AND YOU DON'T 1008 00:37:00,686 --> 00:37:01,663 YOU'RE ALL COPS, RIGHT? YOU'RE ALL COPS, AND YOU DON'T KNOW IT, MAN. 1009 00:37:01,687 --> 00:37:02,430 YOU'RE ALL COPS, AND YOU DON'T KNOW IT, MAN. YOU SEE? 1010 00:37:02,454 --> 00:37:03,665 KNOW IT, MAN. YOU SEE? THAT'S ALL RIGHT. 1011 00:37:03,689 --> 00:37:05,800 YOU SEE? THAT'S ALL RIGHT. OOH. COOL. RIGHT. 1012 00:37:05,824 --> 00:37:07,535 THAT'S ALL RIGHT. OOH. COOL. RIGHT. I-I THOUGHT I WAS DIMINISHING, 1013 00:37:07,559 --> 00:37:09,604 OOH. COOL. RIGHT. I-I THOUGHT I WAS DIMINISHING, BUT I GUESS I WAS AUGMENTING. 1014 00:37:09,628 --> 00:37:10,672 I-I THOUGHT I WAS DIMINISHING, BUT I GUESS I WAS AUGMENTING. HA HA! 1015 00:37:10,696 --> 00:37:13,374 BUT I GUESS I WAS AUGMENTING. HA HA! THAT'S RIGHT. 1016 00:37:13,398 --> 00:37:15,610 HA HA! THAT'S RIGHT. HEY, DIG THE DUDE. 1017 00:37:15,634 --> 00:37:16,944 THAT'S RIGHT. HEY, DIG THE DUDE. THE CAT OVER THERE. 1018 00:37:16,968 --> 00:37:18,513 HEY, DIG THE DUDE. THE CAT OVER THERE. DIG THE SCALES ON HIM, HUH? 1019 00:37:18,537 --> 00:37:19,780 THE CAT OVER THERE. DIG THE SCALES ON HIM, HUH? THAT'S A MAJOR? 1020 00:37:19,804 --> 00:37:20,715 DIG THE SCALES ON HIM, HUH? THAT'S A MAJOR? THAT IS. 1021 00:37:20,739 --> 00:37:22,049 THAT'S A MAJOR? THAT IS. THAT'S A MAJOR. 1022 00:37:22,073 --> 00:37:23,651 THAT IS. THAT'S A MAJOR. HEY. HEY-HEY. 1023 00:37:23,675 --> 00:37:26,087 THAT'S A MAJOR. HEY. HEY-HEY. YOU SEE, ALL YOU CATS WHO DIG, 1024 00:37:26,111 --> 00:37:28,289 HEY. HEY-HEY. YOU SEE, ALL YOU CATS WHO DIG, LIKE, EISENHOWER, YOU KNOW, 1025 00:37:28,313 --> 00:37:30,157 YOU SEE, ALL YOU CATS WHO DIG, LIKE, EISENHOWER, YOU KNOW, LIKE, UH, YOU KNOW, WHO DON'T 1026 00:37:30,181 --> 00:37:31,826 LIKE, EISENHOWER, YOU KNOW, LIKE, UH, YOU KNOW, WHO DON'T SHARE THE DOOGIE WITH THE 1027 00:37:31,850 --> 00:37:33,828 LIKE, UH, YOU KNOW, WHO DON'T SHARE THE DOOGIE WITH THE SKEEZO, YOU KNOW, WITH THE BAND, 1028 00:37:33,852 --> 00:37:34,829 SHARE THE DOOGIE WITH THE SKEEZO, YOU KNOW, WITH THE BAND, YOU DIG? 1029 00:37:34,853 --> 00:37:35,330 SKEEZO, YOU KNOW, WITH THE BAND, YOU DIG? YEAH? 1030 00:37:35,354 --> 00:37:37,398 YOU DIG? YEAH? WHAT DO YOU WANT, MAN, HUH? 1031 00:37:37,422 --> 00:37:39,734 YEAH? WHAT DO YOU WANT, MAN, HUH? WHAT? YOU WANT JOKES? 1032 00:37:39,758 --> 00:37:41,469 WHAT DO YOU WANT, MAN, HUH? WHAT? YOU WANT JOKES? YOU WANT IMITATION? 1033 00:37:41,493 --> 00:37:44,004 WHAT? YOU WANT JOKES? YOU WANT IMITATION? WHAT DO YOU WANT? MARLON BRANDO? 1034 00:37:44,028 --> 00:37:46,807 YOU WANT IMITATION? WHAT DO YOU WANT? MARLON BRANDO? "YOU WAS MY BROTHER, CHARLEY. 1035 00:37:46,831 --> 00:37:48,075 WHAT DO YOU WANT? MARLON BRANDO? "YOU WAS MY BROTHER, CHARLEY. DON'T YOU REMEMBER THAT NIGHT IN 1036 00:37:48,099 --> 00:37:48,643 "YOU WAS MY BROTHER, CHARLEY. DON'T YOU REMEMBER THAT NIGHT IN THE GARDEN? 1037 00:37:48,667 --> 00:37:49,277 DON'T YOU REMEMBER THAT NIGHT IN THE GARDEN? YOU CAME DOWN. 1038 00:37:49,301 --> 00:37:50,478 THE GARDEN? YOU CAME DOWN. YOU SAID, 'KID, IT AIN'T YOUR 1039 00:37:50,502 --> 00:37:50,845 YOU CAME DOWN. YOU SAID, 'KID, IT AIN'T YOUR NIGHT. 1040 00:37:50,869 --> 00:37:52,313 YOU SAID, 'KID, IT AIN'T YOUR NIGHT. WE'RE GOIN' FOR THE PRICE ON 1041 00:37:52,337 --> 00:37:52,913 NIGHT. WE'RE GOIN' FOR THE PRICE ON WILSON.' 1042 00:37:52,937 --> 00:37:54,181 WE'RE GOIN' FOR THE PRICE ON WILSON.' MY NIGHT!" 1043 00:37:54,205 --> 00:37:55,550 WILSON.' MY NIGHT!" IS WHAT YOU WANT, MAN, HUH? 1044 00:37:55,574 --> 00:37:57,785 MY NIGHT!" IS WHAT YOU WANT, MAN, HUH? IS WHAT YOU WANT? HUH? 1045 00:37:57,809 --> 00:37:59,420 IS WHAT YOU WANT, MAN, HUH? IS WHAT YOU WANT? HUH? WELL, DIG, MAN. 1046 00:37:59,444 --> 00:38:02,724 IS WHAT YOU WANT? HUH? WELL, DIG, MAN. IF YOU KNEW WHAT WAS COPACETIC 1047 00:38:02,748 --> 00:38:05,760 WELL, DIG, MAN. IF YOU KNEW WHAT WAS COPACETIC ABOUT REITERATING THE CODA, 1048 00:38:05,784 --> 00:38:07,228 IF YOU KNEW WHAT WAS COPACETIC ABOUT REITERATING THE CODA, YOU COULD BANG IT UP FROM 1049 00:38:07,252 --> 00:38:08,630 ABOUT REITERATING THE CODA, YOU COULD BANG IT UP FROM ACROSS THE STREET, MAN. 1050 00:38:08,654 --> 00:38:11,466 YOU COULD BANG IT UP FROM ACROSS THE STREET, MAN. YOU DIG? YOU DIG? 1051 00:38:11,490 --> 00:38:12,833 ACROSS THE STREET, MAN. YOU DIG? YOU DIG? BECAUSE I KNOW THE TRUTH. 1052 00:38:12,857 --> 00:38:15,603 YOU DIG? YOU DIG? BECAUSE I KNOW THE TRUTH. BY THE TIME YOU FIND OUT, YOU 1053 00:38:15,627 --> 00:38:17,572 BECAUSE I KNOW THE TRUTH. BY THE TIME YOU FIND OUT, YOU KNOW, IT'LL BE IN MY VEIN AND 1054 00:38:17,596 --> 00:38:19,574 BY THE TIME YOU FIND OUT, YOU KNOW, IT'LL BE IN MY VEIN AND UNDERGROUND, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE 1055 00:38:19,598 --> 00:38:20,908 KNOW, IT'LL BE IN MY VEIN AND UNDERGROUND, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE YOU CAN'T STOP IT. 1056 00:38:20,932 --> 00:38:23,043 UNDERGROUND, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE YOU CAN'T STOP IT. WOW! 1057 00:38:23,067 --> 00:38:25,313 YOU CAN'T STOP IT. WOW! SHELLEY BAYLESS. 1058 00:38:25,337 --> 00:38:28,983 WOW! SHELLEY BAYLESS. [APPLAUSE] 1059 00:38:29,007 --> 00:38:31,919 SHELLEY BAYLESS. [APPLAUSE] NOW HERE'S A CRAZY CHICK. 1060 00:38:31,943 --> 00:38:32,953 [APPLAUSE] NOW HERE'S A CRAZY CHICK. THIS CHICK SWINGS WITH A 1061 00:38:32,977 --> 00:38:35,055 NOW HERE'S A CRAZY CHICK. THIS CHICK SWINGS WITH A DIFFERENT DRUMMER... LIKE, WOW, 1062 00:38:35,079 --> 00:38:36,891 THIS CHICK SWINGS WITH A DIFFERENT DRUMMER... LIKE, WOW, ZEN POETRY IN MOTION, MAN. 1063 00:38:36,915 --> 00:38:38,259 DIFFERENT DRUMMER... LIKE, WOW, ZEN POETRY IN MOTION, MAN. LET'S ALL GROOVE ON THE DANCE 1064 00:38:38,283 --> 00:38:40,261 ZEN POETRY IN MOTION, MAN. LET'S ALL GROOVE ON THE DANCE MOVES OF ISADORA SCHWARTZ. 1065 00:38:40,285 --> 00:38:46,701 LET'S ALL GROOVE ON THE DANCE MOVES OF ISADORA SCHWARTZ. WILD BABY, WILD. 1066 00:38:46,725 --> 00:38:49,304 MOVES OF ISADORA SCHWARTZ. WILD BABY, WILD. I AM A LEAF... 1067 00:38:49,328 --> 00:38:53,308 WILD BABY, WILD. I AM A LEAF... TOSSED IN THE WIND. 1068 00:38:53,332 --> 00:38:55,276 I AM A LEAF... TOSSED IN THE WIND. OH, THOU WIND! 1069 00:38:55,300 --> 00:39:01,248 TOSSED IN THE WIND. OH, THOU WIND! BLOW, BLOW, BLOW ME AWAY! 1070 00:39:01,272 --> 00:39:03,318 OH, THOU WIND! BLOW, BLOW, BLOW ME AWAY! THE FIRST DEMAND OF ONTOLOGICAL 1071 00:39:03,342 --> 00:39:08,823 BLOW, BLOW, BLOW ME AWAY! THE FIRST DEMAND OF ONTOLOGICAL EMPIRICISM IS TO FIND YOURSELF! 1072 00:39:08,847 --> 00:39:10,458 THE FIRST DEMAND OF ONTOLOGICAL EMPIRICISM IS TO FIND YOURSELF! DEPRESSION! 1073 00:39:10,482 --> 00:39:11,926 EMPIRICISM IS TO FIND YOURSELF! DEPRESSION! DOWN! 1074 00:39:11,950 --> 00:39:13,361 DEPRESSION! DOWN! DOWN! 1075 00:39:13,385 --> 00:39:15,262 DOWN! DOWN! DOWN! 1076 00:39:15,286 --> 00:39:16,664 DOWN! DOWN! KNIFE! 1077 00:39:16,688 --> 00:39:17,732 DOWN! KNIFE! BLOOD! 1078 00:39:17,756 --> 00:39:19,133 KNIFE! BLOOD! BLEED! 1079 00:39:19,157 --> 00:39:20,067 BLOOD! BLEED! BLACK! 1080 00:39:20,091 --> 00:39:21,202 BLEED! BLACK! BLACK! 1081 00:39:21,226 --> 00:39:22,036 BLACK! BLACK! BLACK! 1082 00:39:22,060 --> 00:39:24,071 BLACK! BLACK! BLOW! 1083 00:39:24,095 --> 00:39:25,840 BLACK! BLOW! DEATH. 1084 00:39:25,864 --> 00:39:27,608 BLOW! DEATH. LIFE. 1085 00:39:27,632 --> 00:39:30,445 DEATH. LIFE. I DANCE LIKE THE WIND. 1086 00:39:30,469 --> 00:39:33,102 LIFE. I DANCE LIKE THE WIND. THE WIND! 1087 00:39:44,114 --> 00:39:49,464 [APPLAUSE] ALL RIGHT! CRAZY! ALL RIGHT! CRAZY! 1088 00:39:49,488 --> 00:39:51,265 ALL RIGHT! CRAZY! ALL RIGHT! CRAZY! AND NOW LET'S PAUSE FOR THE 1089 00:39:51,289 --> 00:39:53,067 ALL RIGHT! CRAZY! AND NOW LET'S PAUSE FOR THE CAUSE WITH A LITTLE MUSICAL 1090 00:39:53,091 --> 00:39:58,628 AND NOW LET'S PAUSE FOR THE CAUSE WITH A LITTLE MUSICAL INTERLUDE, CATS AND CHICKS! 1091 00:41:04,127 --> 00:41:06,930 Announcer: SHELLEY BAYLESS... 1092 00:41:31,288 --> 00:41:35,903 GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME TO "LOOKS AT BOOKS." I'M JANE CURTIN, AND OUR GUEST 1093 00:41:35,927 --> 00:41:37,505 TO "LOOKS AT BOOKS." I'M JANE CURTIN, AND OUR GUEST TONIGHT HAS WRITTEN A MOST 1094 00:41:37,529 --> 00:41:38,940 I'M JANE CURTIN, AND OUR GUEST TONIGHT HAS WRITTEN A MOST INTERESTING BOOK CALLED 1095 00:41:38,964 --> 00:41:40,274 TONIGHT HAS WRITTEN A MOST INTERESTING BOOK CALLED "SEX & SPORTS." 1096 00:41:40,298 --> 00:41:41,542 INTERESTING BOOK CALLED "SEX & SPORTS." PLEASE WELCOME 1097 00:41:41,566 --> 00:41:43,143 "SEX & SPORTS." PLEASE WELCOME DR. LLOYD KAUFMANN. 1098 00:41:43,167 --> 00:41:44,612 PLEASE WELCOME DR. LLOYD KAUFMANN. WELCOME TO OUR SHOW. 1099 00:41:44,636 --> 00:41:46,581 DR. LLOYD KAUFMANN. WELCOME TO OUR SHOW. THANK YOU. 1100 00:41:46,605 --> 00:41:48,315 WELCOME TO OUR SHOW. THANK YOU. TELL US, DR. KAUFMANN, 1101 00:41:48,339 --> 00:41:50,451 THANK YOU. TELL US, DR. KAUFMANN, EXACTLY WHAT IS YOUR BOOK ABOUT? 1102 00:41:50,475 --> 00:41:52,019 TELL US, DR. KAUFMANN, EXACTLY WHAT IS YOUR BOOK ABOUT? WELL, I JUST COMPLETED A 1103 00:41:52,043 --> 00:41:53,588 EXACTLY WHAT IS YOUR BOOK ABOUT? WELL, I JUST COMPLETED A 10-YEAR STUDY EXAMINING THE 1104 00:41:53,612 --> 00:41:55,389 WELL, I JUST COMPLETED A 10-YEAR STUDY EXAMINING THE EFFECTS THAT SEXUAL ACTIVITY HAS 1105 00:41:55,413 --> 00:41:56,824 10-YEAR STUDY EXAMINING THE EFFECTS THAT SEXUAL ACTIVITY HAS ON ATHLETIC PERFORMANCE. 1106 00:41:56,848 --> 00:41:58,626 EFFECTS THAT SEXUAL ACTIVITY HAS ON ATHLETIC PERFORMANCE. NOW, THIS HAS BEEN A CONTROVERSY 1107 00:41:58,650 --> 00:41:59,861 ON ATHLETIC PERFORMANCE. NOW, THIS HAS BEEN A CONTROVERSY FOR QUITE SOME TIME. 1108 00:41:59,885 --> 00:42:01,395 NOW, THIS HAS BEEN A CONTROVERSY FOR QUITE SOME TIME. MANY COACHES MAINTAIN THAT 1109 00:42:01,419 --> 00:42:03,097 FOR QUITE SOME TIME. MANY COACHES MAINTAIN THAT ABSTENTION IS PREFERABLE PRIOR 1110 00:42:03,121 --> 00:42:04,765 MANY COACHES MAINTAIN THAT ABSTENTION IS PREFERABLE PRIOR TO AN ATHLETIC EVENT, BECAUSE 1111 00:42:04,789 --> 00:42:06,400 ABSTENTION IS PREFERABLE PRIOR TO AN ATHLETIC EVENT, BECAUSE SEX DEPLETES ONE'S STRENGTH. 1112 00:42:06,424 --> 00:42:07,935 TO AN ATHLETIC EVENT, BECAUSE SEX DEPLETES ONE'S STRENGTH. THEREFORE, THE ATHLETE DOESN'T 1113 00:42:07,959 --> 00:42:08,636 SEX DEPLETES ONE'S STRENGTH. THEREFORE, THE ATHLETE DOESN'T DO AS WELL. 1114 00:42:08,660 --> 00:42:10,037 THEREFORE, THE ATHLETE DOESN'T DO AS WELL. THAT'S VERY INTERESTING. 1115 00:42:10,061 --> 00:42:11,305 DO AS WELL. THAT'S VERY INTERESTING. HOW WAS THIS STUDY DONE? 1116 00:42:11,329 --> 00:42:12,773 THAT'S VERY INTERESTING. HOW WAS THIS STUDY DONE? I EMPLOYED A STRICT 1117 00:42:12,797 --> 00:42:14,642 HOW WAS THIS STUDY DONE? I EMPLOYED A STRICT SCIENTIFIC METHOD, USING OVER 1118 00:42:14,666 --> 00:42:16,577 I EMPLOYED A STRICT SCIENTIFIC METHOD, USING OVER 500 ATHLETES, ONE HALF OF WHOM 1119 00:42:16,601 --> 00:42:18,178 SCIENTIFIC METHOD, USING OVER 500 ATHLETES, ONE HALF OF WHOM DID HAVE SEX PRIOR TO SPORTS, 1120 00:42:18,202 --> 00:42:19,480 500 ATHLETES, ONE HALF OF WHOM DID HAVE SEX PRIOR TO SPORTS, AND THE OTHERS DID NOT. 1121 00:42:19,504 --> 00:42:21,015 DID HAVE SEX PRIOR TO SPORTS, AND THE OTHERS DID NOT. NOW THIS, OF COURSE, WAS ALL 1122 00:42:21,039 --> 00:42:22,817 AND THE OTHERS DID NOT. NOW THIS, OF COURSE, WAS ALL DONE IN COMPLETE CONFIDENCE. 1123 00:42:22,841 --> 00:42:24,418 NOW THIS, OF COURSE, WAS ALL DONE IN COMPLETE CONFIDENCE. DID YOU USE ANONYMOUS 1124 00:42:24,442 --> 00:42:26,420 DONE IN COMPLETE CONFIDENCE. DID YOU USE ANONYMOUS QUESTIONNAIRES, LIKE KINSEY, OR 1125 00:42:26,444 --> 00:42:27,989 DID YOU USE ANONYMOUS QUESTIONNAIRES, LIKE KINSEY, OR DID YOU CONDUCT PRIVATE 1126 00:42:28,013 --> 00:42:29,557 QUESTIONNAIRES, LIKE KINSEY, OR DID YOU CONDUCT PRIVATE CONVERSATIONS, LIKE MASTERS AND 1127 00:42:29,581 --> 00:42:30,124 DID YOU CONDUCT PRIVATE CONVERSATIONS, LIKE MASTERS AND JOHNSON? 1128 00:42:30,148 --> 00:42:32,126 CONVERSATIONS, LIKE MASTERS AND JOHNSON? NO, I EMPLOYED A DIFFERENT 1129 00:42:32,150 --> 00:42:33,761 JOHNSON? NO, I EMPLOYED A DIFFERENT KIND OF METHOD INVOLVING 1130 00:42:33,785 --> 00:42:36,463 NO, I EMPLOYED A DIFFERENT KIND OF METHOD INVOLVING BINOCULARS AND, UH, SPENDING 1131 00:42:36,487 --> 00:42:37,832 KIND OF METHOD INVOLVING BINOCULARS AND, UH, SPENDING MANY HOURS ACROSS THE STREET 1132 00:42:37,856 --> 00:42:39,099 BINOCULARS AND, UH, SPENDING MANY HOURS ACROSS THE STREET FROM THE SUBJECT'S WINDOW. 1133 00:42:39,123 --> 00:42:40,167 MANY HOURS ACROSS THE STREET FROM THE SUBJECT'S WINDOW. OH, I SEE. 1134 00:42:40,191 --> 00:42:42,403 FROM THE SUBJECT'S WINDOW. OH, I SEE. YOUR BOOK DEALS WITH ALL SPORTS? 1135 00:42:42,427 --> 00:42:43,270 OH, I SEE. YOUR BOOK DEALS WITH ALL SPORTS? YES, IT DOES. 1136 00:42:43,294 --> 00:42:44,471 YOUR BOOK DEALS WITH ALL SPORTS? YES, IT DOES. AND SINCE THIS IS THE 1137 00:42:44,495 --> 00:42:45,640 YES, IT DOES. AND SINCE THIS IS THE WORLD SERIES TIME, I WAS 1138 00:42:45,664 --> 00:42:47,041 AND SINCE THIS IS THE WORLD SERIES TIME, I WAS ESPECIALLY INTERESTED IN YOUR 1139 00:42:47,065 --> 00:42:50,444 WORLD SERIES TIME, I WAS ESPECIALLY INTERESTED IN YOUR CHAPTER CALLED, "BASE ON BALLS." 1140 00:42:50,468 --> 00:42:52,680 ESPECIALLY INTERESTED IN YOUR CHAPTER CALLED, "BASE ON BALLS." I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU BROUGHT 1141 00:42:52,704 --> 00:42:54,048 CHAPTER CALLED, "BASE ON BALLS." I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU BROUGHT ALONG SOME FILM. 1142 00:42:54,072 --> 00:42:55,716 I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU BROUGHT ALONG SOME FILM. YES, WE FOUND THAT ABSTENTION 1143 00:42:55,740 --> 00:42:57,251 ALONG SOME FILM. YES, WE FOUND THAT ABSTENTION FROM SEX HELPS ONE'S ATHLETIC 1144 00:42:57,275 --> 00:42:58,853 YES, WE FOUND THAT ABSTENTION FROM SEX HELPS ONE'S ATHLETIC PERFORMANCE, AND I THINK THESE 1145 00:42:58,877 --> 00:43:00,021 FROM SEX HELPS ONE'S ATHLETIC PERFORMANCE, AND I THINK THESE FILMS CAN SHOW THAT. 1146 00:43:00,045 --> 00:43:01,956 PERFORMANCE, AND I THINK THESE FILMS CAN SHOW THAT. CAN YOU ROLL THE FILMS, PLEASE? 1147 00:43:01,980 --> 00:43:03,624 FILMS CAN SHOW THAT. CAN YOU ROLL THE FILMS, PLEASE? NOW THIS BATTER WAS COMING OFF A 1148 00:43:03,648 --> 00:43:05,159 CAN YOU ROLL THE FILMS, PLEASE? NOW THIS BATTER WAS COMING OFF A BAD SEASON, AND HE DECIDED TO 1149 00:43:05,183 --> 00:43:06,527 NOW THIS BATTER WAS COMING OFF A BAD SEASON, AND HE DECIDED TO ABSTAIN, AND IT HELPED HIS 1150 00:43:06,551 --> 00:43:07,795 BAD SEASON, AND HE DECIDED TO ABSTAIN, AND IT HELPED HIS PERFORMANCE REMARKABLY. 1151 00:43:07,819 --> 00:43:09,296 ABSTAIN, AND IT HELPED HIS PERFORMANCE REMARKABLY. HE HIT HOME RUNS AND WAS A BIG 1152 00:43:09,320 --> 00:43:14,902 PERFORMANCE REMARKABLY. HE HIT HOME RUNS AND WAS A BIG HELP TO HIS TEAM. 1153 00:43:14,926 --> 00:43:16,837 HE HIT HOME RUNS AND WAS A BIG HELP TO HIS TEAM. VERY INTERESTING. 1154 00:43:16,861 --> 00:43:18,172 HELP TO HIS TEAM. VERY INTERESTING. I SEE HE HAS A LOT... 1155 00:43:18,196 --> 00:43:19,173 VERY INTERESTING. I SEE HE HAS A LOT... NOW, HERE'S A TERRIFIC 1156 00:43:19,197 --> 00:43:20,340 I SEE HE HAS A LOT... NOW, HERE'S A TERRIFIC DEFENSIVE PLAY BY SOMEONE WHO 1157 00:43:20,364 --> 00:43:21,442 NOW, HERE'S A TERRIFIC DEFENSIVE PLAY BY SOMEONE WHO TOOK A VOW OF CELIBACY AFTER 1158 00:43:21,466 --> 00:43:25,379 DEFENSIVE PLAY BY SOMEONE WHO TOOK A VOW OF CELIBACY AFTER JOINING A RELIGIOUS CULT. 1159 00:43:25,403 --> 00:43:26,614 TOOK A VOW OF CELIBACY AFTER JOINING A RELIGIOUS CULT. [CLEARS THROAT] 1160 00:43:26,638 --> 00:43:28,082 JOINING A RELIGIOUS CULT. [CLEARS THROAT] NOW, THESE MEN, FOR ONE 1161 00:43:28,106 --> 00:43:29,650 [CLEARS THROAT] NOW, THESE MEN, FOR ONE REASON OR ANOTHER, ABSTAINED 1162 00:43:29,674 --> 00:43:30,284 NOW, THESE MEN, FOR ONE REASON OR ANOTHER, ABSTAINED FROM SEX. 1163 00:43:30,308 --> 00:43:31,285 REASON OR ANOTHER, ABSTAINED FROM SEX. THAT'S RIGHT. 1164 00:43:31,309 --> 00:43:33,153 FROM SEX. THAT'S RIGHT. NOW, WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERS? 1165 00:43:33,177 --> 00:43:34,521 THAT'S RIGHT. NOW, WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERS? WELL, I HAVE SOME FILM. 1166 00:43:34,545 --> 00:43:36,724 NOW, WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERS? WELL, I HAVE SOME FILM. I HAVE SHOWN THAT THE MEN WHO 1167 00:43:36,748 --> 00:43:38,693 WELL, I HAVE SOME FILM. I HAVE SHOWN THAT THE MEN WHO DID ABSTAIN WERE SOMEWHAT 1168 00:43:38,717 --> 00:43:40,861 I HAVE SHOWN THAT THE MEN WHO DID ABSTAIN WERE SOMEWHAT HAMPERED, AND AS CLOSER THE 1169 00:43:40,885 --> 00:43:42,463 DID ABSTAIN WERE SOMEWHAT HAMPERED, AND AS CLOSER THE SPORTS GOT TO THE ATHLETIC 1170 00:43:42,487 --> 00:43:44,231 HAMPERED, AND AS CLOSER THE SPORTS GOT TO THE ATHLETIC EVENT, THEN THEIR PERFORMANCE 1171 00:43:44,255 --> 00:43:45,566 SPORTS GOT TO THE ATHLETIC EVENT, THEN THEIR PERFORMANCE WOULD HAMPER ACCORDINGLY. 1172 00:43:45,590 --> 00:43:46,901 EVENT, THEN THEIR PERFORMANCE WOULD HAMPER ACCORDINGLY. SO, MAYBE WE CAN ROLL THE FILM 1173 00:43:46,925 --> 00:43:48,669 WOULD HAMPER ACCORDINGLY. SO, MAYBE WE CAN ROLL THE FILM ON THAT, PLEASE. 1174 00:43:48,693 --> 00:43:50,370 SO, MAYBE WE CAN ROLL THE FILM ON THAT, PLEASE. NOW THE LEFT FIELDER IN THIS 1175 00:43:50,394 --> 00:43:52,206 ON THAT, PLEASE. NOW THE LEFT FIELDER IN THIS PLAY HAD SEX ONE WEEK PRIOR TO 1176 00:43:52,230 --> 00:43:54,108 NOW THE LEFT FIELDER IN THIS PLAY HAD SEX ONE WEEK PRIOR TO THE BIG GAME, AS DID THE PITCHER 1177 00:43:54,132 --> 00:43:59,647 PLAY HAD SEX ONE WEEK PRIOR TO THE BIG GAME, AS DID THE PITCHER IN THIS PLAY. 1178 00:43:59,671 --> 00:44:01,716 THE BIG GAME, AS DID THE PITCHER IN THIS PLAY. NOW, THIS CATCHER WAS TEASED THE 1179 00:44:01,740 --> 00:44:03,651 IN THIS PLAY. NOW, THIS CATCHER WAS TEASED THE NIGHT BEFORE THE GAME. 1180 00:44:03,675 --> 00:44:05,119 NOW, THIS CATCHER WAS TEASED THE NIGHT BEFORE THE GAME. AND IT'S NO SURPRISE THAT 1181 00:44:05,143 --> 00:44:06,754 NIGHT BEFORE THE GAME. AND IT'S NO SURPRISE THAT THESE TWO PLAYERS HERE WERE SEEN 1182 00:44:06,778 --> 00:44:08,388 AND IT'S NO SURPRISE THAT THESE TWO PLAYERS HERE WERE SEEN WITH A FEW HOOKERS ON THE WAY TO 1183 00:44:08,412 --> 00:44:11,492 THESE TWO PLAYERS HERE WERE SEEN WITH A FEW HOOKERS ON THE WAY TO THE BALLPARK. 1184 00:44:15,585 --> 00:44:19,299 NOW, NOTE THE CENTER FIELDER IN THIS PLAY. HE VISITED HIS WIFE IN THE 1185 00:44:19,323 --> 00:44:26,206 IN THIS PLAY. HE VISITED HIS WIFE IN THE LOCKER ROOM BETWEEN INNINGS. 1186 00:44:26,230 --> 00:44:27,574 HE VISITED HIS WIFE IN THE LOCKER ROOM BETWEEN INNINGS. NOW, THIS IS INTERESTING. 1187 00:44:27,598 --> 00:44:29,376 LOCKER ROOM BETWEEN INNINGS. NOW, THIS IS INTERESTING. THE GIRLFRIEND OF THIS PITCHER 1188 00:44:29,400 --> 00:44:31,211 NOW, THIS IS INTERESTING. THE GIRLFRIEND OF THIS PITCHER HAD SEX WITH THIS BATTER DURING 1189 00:44:31,235 --> 00:44:36,150 THE GIRLFRIEND OF THIS PITCHER HAD SEX WITH THIS BATTER DURING THE SEVENTH-INNING STRETCH... 1190 00:44:36,174 --> 00:44:37,852 HAD SEX WITH THIS BATTER DURING THE SEVENTH-INNING STRETCH... AND WITH EVERYONE ELSE DURING 1191 00:44:37,876 --> 00:44:40,855 THE SEVENTH-INNING STRETCH... AND WITH EVERYONE ELSE DURING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM. 1192 00:44:40,879 --> 00:44:42,422 AND WITH EVERYONE ELSE DURING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM. NOT A PLEASANT SIGHT, BUT STILL 1193 00:44:42,446 --> 00:44:43,758 THE NATIONAL ANTHEM. NOT A PLEASANT SIGHT, BUT STILL I THINK IT ILLUSTRATES THE 1194 00:44:43,782 --> 00:44:44,959 NOT A PLEASANT SIGHT, BUT STILL I THINK IT ILLUSTRATES THE RESULTS IN MY FINDINGS. 1195 00:44:44,983 --> 00:44:46,160 I THINK IT ILLUSTRATES THE RESULTS IN MY FINDINGS. VERY CLEARLY. 1196 00:44:46,184 --> 00:44:47,561 RESULTS IN MY FINDINGS. VERY CLEARLY. THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR JOINING 1197 00:44:47,585 --> 00:44:48,829 VERY CLEARLY. THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR JOINING US, AND I'M SURE EVERYONE IS 1198 00:44:48,853 --> 00:44:50,097 THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR JOINING US, AND I'M SURE EVERYONE IS LOOKING FORWARD TO YOUR NEXT 1199 00:44:50,121 --> 00:44:52,366 US, AND I'M SURE EVERYONE IS LOOKING FORWARD TO YOUR NEXT STUDY, WHICH IS? 1200 00:44:52,390 --> 00:44:55,602 LOOKING FORWARD TO YOUR NEXT STUDY, WHICH IS? UM, THE, UH, NEXT BOOK I'M 1201 00:44:55,626 --> 00:44:57,404 STUDY, WHICH IS? UM, THE, UH, NEXT BOOK I'M GOING TO DO IS TITLED, "SEX AND 1202 00:44:57,428 --> 00:44:58,438 UM, THE, UH, NEXT BOOK I'M GOING TO DO IS TITLED, "SEX AND SEX." 1203 00:44:58,462 --> 00:44:59,106 GOING TO DO IS TITLED, "SEX AND SEX." AH. 1204 00:44:59,130 --> 00:45:00,440 SEX." AH. SEE, I FOUND THAT IF ONE IS 1205 00:45:00,464 --> 00:45:01,508 AH. SEE, I FOUND THAT IF ONE IS GOING TO HAVE SEX, HIS 1206 00:45:01,532 --> 00:45:02,910 SEE, I FOUND THAT IF ONE IS GOING TO HAVE SEX, HIS PERFORMANCE WILL BE BETTER IF HE 1207 00:45:02,934 --> 00:45:04,378 GOING TO HAVE SEX, HIS PERFORMANCE WILL BE BETTER IF HE DOESN'T HAVE SEX RIGHT BEFORE 1208 00:45:04,402 --> 00:45:04,979 PERFORMANCE WILL BE BETTER IF HE DOESN'T HAVE SEX RIGHT BEFORE DOING IT. 1209 00:45:05,003 --> 00:45:05,713 DOESN'T HAVE SEX RIGHT BEFORE DOING IT. I SEE. 1210 00:45:05,737 --> 00:45:07,648 DOING IT. I SEE. WELL, THANK YOU AGAIN, AND THANK 1211 00:45:07,672 --> 00:45:08,115 I SEE. WELL, THANK YOU AGAIN, AND THANK YOU. 1212 00:45:08,139 --> 00:45:09,616 WELL, THANK YOU AGAIN, AND THANK YOU. AND COMING UP IS A FILM BY 1213 00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:11,451 YOU. AND COMING UP IS A FILM BY GARY WEIS. 1214 00:45:11,475 --> 00:45:13,409 AND COMING UP IS A FILM BY GARY WEIS. [APPLAUSE] 1215 00:45:17,614 --> 00:45:23,430 UP HERE, ON THE 27th FLOOR, I LOOK DOWN ON THE CITY I HATE AND ADORE. 1216 00:45:23,454 --> 00:45:24,565 I LOOK DOWN ON THE CITY I HATE AND ADORE. [Lip-synching] ♪ IT'S 1217 00:45:24,589 --> 00:45:27,768 AND ADORE. [Lip-synching] ♪ IT'S AUTUMN IN NEW YORK ♪ 1218 00:45:27,792 --> 00:45:29,103 [Lip-synching] ♪ IT'S AUTUMN IN NEW YORK ♪ [Lip-synching] ♪ THAT 1219 00:45:29,127 --> 00:45:31,839 AUTUMN IN NEW YORK ♪ [Lip-synching] ♪ THAT BRINGS THE PROMISE OF NEW 1220 00:45:31,863 --> 00:45:37,444 [Lip-synching] ♪ THAT BRINGS THE PROMISE OF NEW LOVE ♪ 1221 00:45:37,468 --> 00:45:40,314 BRINGS THE PROMISE OF NEW LOVE ♪ [Lip-synching] ♪ AUTUMN IN 1222 00:45:40,338 --> 00:45:42,850 LOVE ♪ [Lip-synching] ♪ AUTUMN IN NEW YORK ♪ 1223 00:45:42,874 --> 00:45:44,351 [Lip-synching] ♪ AUTUMN IN NEW YORK ♪ [Lip-synching] ♪ IT'S OFTEN 1224 00:45:44,375 --> 00:45:51,291 NEW YORK ♪ [Lip-synching] ♪ IT'S OFTEN MINGLED WITH PAIN ♪ 1225 00:45:51,315 --> 00:45:52,426 [Lip-synching] ♪ IT'S OFTEN MINGLED WITH PAIN ♪ [Lip-synching] ♪ GLITTERING 1226 00:45:52,450 --> 00:45:53,994 MINGLED WITH PAIN ♪ [Lip-synching] ♪ GLITTERING CROWDS ♪ 1227 00:45:54,018 --> 00:45:56,530 [Lip-synching] ♪ GLITTERING CROWDS ♪ ♪ AND SHIMMERING CLOUDS ♪ 1228 00:45:56,554 --> 00:45:57,798 CROWDS ♪ ♪ AND SHIMMERING CLOUDS ♪ [Lip-synching] ♪ AND 1229 00:45:57,822 --> 00:46:01,568 ♪ AND SHIMMERING CLOUDS ♪ [Lip-synching] ♪ AND CANYONS OF STEEL ♪ 1230 00:46:01,592 --> 00:46:07,274 [Lip-synching] ♪ AND CANYONS OF STEEL ♪ ♪ THEY'RE MAKING ME FEEL I'M 1231 00:46:07,298 --> 00:46:11,478 CANYONS OF STEEL ♪ ♪ THEY'RE MAKING ME FEEL I'M HOME ♪ 1232 00:46:11,502 --> 00:46:13,080 ♪ THEY'RE MAKING ME FEEL I'M HOME ♪ [Lip-synching] ♪ DREAMERS 1233 00:46:13,104 --> 00:46:17,785 HOME ♪ [Lip-synching] ♪ DREAMERS WITH EMPTY HANDS ♪ 1234 00:46:17,809 --> 00:46:23,624 [Lip-synching] ♪ DREAMERS WITH EMPTY HANDS ♪ ♪ THEY SIGH FOR EXOTIC LANDS ♪ 1235 00:46:23,648 --> 00:46:25,592 WITH EMPTY HANDS ♪ ♪ THEY SIGH FOR EXOTIC LANDS ♪ [Lip-synching] ♪ AUTUMN IN 1236 00:46:25,616 --> 00:46:27,928 ♪ THEY SIGH FOR EXOTIC LANDS ♪ [Lip-synching] ♪ AUTUMN IN NEW YORK ♪ 1237 00:46:27,952 --> 00:46:29,363 [Lip-synching] ♪ AUTUMN IN NEW YORK ♪ [Lip-synching] ♪ IT'S GOOD 1238 00:46:29,387 --> 00:46:37,387 NEW YORK ♪ [Lip-synching] ♪ IT'S GOOD TO LIVE IT AGAIN ♪ 1239 00:46:37,728 --> 00:46:39,506 [Lip-synching] ♪ IT'S GOOD TO LIVE IT AGAIN ♪ [Lip-synching] ♪ LOVERS 1240 00:46:39,530 --> 00:46:42,943 TO LIVE IT AGAIN ♪ [Lip-synching] ♪ LOVERS THAT BLESS THE DARK ♪ 1241 00:46:42,967 --> 00:46:45,112 [Lip-synching] ♪ LOVERS THAT BLESS THE DARK ♪ [Lip-synching] ♪ ON BENCHES 1242 00:46:45,136 --> 00:46:49,516 THAT BLESS THE DARK ♪ [Lip-synching] ♪ ON BENCHES IN CENTRAL PARK ♪ 1243 00:46:49,540 --> 00:46:56,157 [Lip-synching] ♪ ON BENCHES IN CENTRAL PARK ♪ ♪ GREET AUTUMN IN NEW YORK ♪ 1244 00:46:56,181 --> 00:47:00,261 IN CENTRAL PARK ♪ ♪ GREET AUTUMN IN NEW YORK ♪ ♪ IT'S GOOD TO LIVE IT 1245 00:47:00,285 --> 00:47:08,157 ♪ GREET AUTUMN IN NEW YORK ♪ ♪ IT'S GOOD TO LIVE IT AGAIN ♪ 1246 00:47:28,645 --> 00:47:36,230 I KNOW, I KNOW. YOU KNOW, MURR, IT'S REALLY TOUGH OUT THERE. 1247 00:47:36,254 --> 00:47:38,132 YOU KNOW, MURR, IT'S REALLY TOUGH OUT THERE. I'LL TELL YOU, MURR, YOU KNOW, 1248 00:47:38,156 --> 00:47:39,967 TOUGH OUT THERE. I'LL TELL YOU, MURR, YOU KNOW, THE HARDEST PART OF DOING THE 1249 00:47:39,991 --> 00:47:42,669 I'LL TELL YOU, MURR, YOU KNOW, THE HARDEST PART OF DOING THE NEWS IS I CAN'T BEND DOWN 1250 00:47:42,693 --> 00:47:44,004 THE HARDEST PART OF DOING THE NEWS IS I CAN'T BEND DOWN DURING IT. 1251 00:47:44,028 --> 00:47:45,439 NEWS IS I CAN'T BEND DOWN DURING IT. AND SOMETIMES IT'S THE ONLY 1252 00:47:45,463 --> 00:47:46,773 DURING IT. AND SOMETIMES IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT'S ON MY MIND. 1253 00:47:46,797 --> 00:47:48,209 AND SOMETIMES IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT'S ON MY MIND. I'LL BE OUT THERE DOING THE 1254 00:47:48,233 --> 00:47:50,711 THING THAT'S ON MY MIND. I'LL BE OUT THERE DOING THE SHOW, AND I'LL BE THINKING, "I 1255 00:47:50,735 --> 00:47:52,279 I'LL BE OUT THERE DOING THE SHOW, AND I'LL BE THINKING, "I CAN'T BEND DOWN!" 1256 00:47:52,303 --> 00:47:54,614 SHOW, AND I'LL BE THINKING, "I CAN'T BEND DOWN!" HI, MARE! 1257 00:47:54,638 --> 00:47:56,550 CAN'T BEND DOWN!" HI, MARE! HEY, MARE, YOU DON'T SPELL 1258 00:47:56,574 --> 00:47:58,953 HI, MARE! HEY, MARE, YOU DON'T SPELL "MINNESOTA" WITH THREE 5s AND 1259 00:47:58,977 --> 00:48:00,754 HEY, MARE, YOU DON'T SPELL "MINNESOTA" WITH THREE 5s AND FOUR 7s. 1260 00:48:00,778 --> 00:48:03,457 "MINNESOTA" WITH THREE 5s AND FOUR 7s. THAT'S HOW YOU SPELL "PETER." 1261 00:48:03,481 --> 00:48:04,424 FOUR 7s. THAT'S HOW YOU SPELL "PETER." MARY? 1262 00:48:04,448 --> 00:48:06,160 THAT'S HOW YOU SPELL "PETER." MARY? ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? 1263 00:48:06,184 --> 00:48:08,128 MARY? ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? MARY... MARY, WHAT'S WRONG? 1264 00:48:08,152 --> 00:48:09,230 ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? MARY... MARY, WHAT'S WRONG? OH, SHE'S PROBABLY JUST 1265 00:48:09,254 --> 00:48:10,564 MARY... MARY, WHAT'S WRONG? OH, SHE'S PROBABLY JUST DEPRESSED 'CAUSE SHE HAD TO WEAR 1266 00:48:10,588 --> 00:48:11,732 OH, SHE'S PROBABLY JUST DEPRESSED 'CAUSE SHE HAD TO WEAR THE SAME OUTFIT TWICE IN ONE 1267 00:48:11,756 --> 00:48:13,968 DEPRESSED 'CAUSE SHE HAD TO WEAR THE SAME OUTFIT TWICE IN ONE YEAR. 1268 00:48:13,992 --> 00:48:15,769 THE SAME OUTFIT TWICE IN ONE YEAR. I DON'T THINK MARY'S 1269 00:48:15,793 --> 00:48:17,037 YEAR. I DON'T THINK MARY'S DEPRESSED, TED. 1270 00:48:17,061 --> 00:48:18,906 I DON'T THINK MARY'S DEPRESSED, TED. I THINK SHE'S DEAD! 1271 00:48:18,930 --> 00:48:20,107 DEPRESSED, TED. I THINK SHE'S DEAD! COME ON, MURRAY, SHE 1272 00:48:20,131 --> 00:48:20,908 I THINK SHE'S DEAD! COME ON, MURRAY, SHE CAN'T BE DEAD. 1273 00:48:20,932 --> 00:48:22,176 COME ON, MURRAY, SHE CAN'T BE DEAD. SHE'S BUSY. 1274 00:48:22,200 --> 00:48:24,711 CAN'T BE DEAD. SHE'S BUSY. DEAD PEOPLE ARE NEVER BUSY. 1275 00:48:24,735 --> 00:48:25,679 SHE'S BUSY. DEAD PEOPLE ARE NEVER BUSY. OH, GOD, TED! 1276 00:48:25,703 --> 00:48:27,214 DEAD PEOPLE ARE NEVER BUSY. OH, GOD, TED! HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED? 1277 00:48:27,238 --> 00:48:29,549 OH, GOD, TED! HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED? I-I DON'T KNOW, MURRAY. 1278 00:48:29,573 --> 00:48:30,918 HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED? I-I DON'T KNOW, MURRAY. I MEAN, SHE WAS FINE THIS 1279 00:48:30,942 --> 00:48:32,586 I-I DON'T KNOW, MURRAY. I MEAN, SHE WAS FINE THIS MORNING WHEN I PUT THAT DRANO IN 1280 00:48:32,610 --> 00:48:35,322 I MEAN, SHE WAS FINE THIS MORNING WHEN I PUT THAT DRANO IN HER COFFEE FOR A JOKE. 1281 00:48:35,346 --> 00:48:36,223 MORNING WHEN I PUT THAT DRANO IN HER COFFEE FOR A JOKE. DRANO?! 1282 00:48:36,247 --> 00:48:38,225 HER COFFEE FOR A JOKE. DRANO?! YOU PUT DRANO IN HER COFFEE?! 1283 00:48:38,249 --> 00:48:39,593 DRANO?! YOU PUT DRANO IN HER COFFEE?! WELL, SHE WAS HOARSE, AND I 1284 00:48:39,617 --> 00:48:41,028 YOU PUT DRANO IN HER COFFEE?! WELL, SHE WAS HOARSE, AND I THOUGHT IT'D HELP CLEAN OUT HER 1285 00:48:41,052 --> 00:48:42,062 WELL, SHE WAS HOARSE, AND I THOUGHT IT'D HELP CLEAN OUT HER PIPES. 1286 00:48:42,086 --> 00:48:42,729 THOUGHT IT'D HELP CLEAN OUT HER PIPES. [CHUCKLES] 1287 00:48:42,753 --> 00:48:43,530 PIPES. [CHUCKLES] GET IT? 1288 00:48:43,554 --> 00:48:44,698 [CHUCKLES] GET IT? THAT STUFF'S POISON! 1289 00:48:44,722 --> 00:48:45,966 GET IT? THAT STUFF'S POISON! DON'T YOU READ THE LABEL? 1290 00:48:45,990 --> 00:48:47,801 THAT STUFF'S POISON! DON'T YOU READ THE LABEL? YEAH, BUT IT GOT BORING. 1291 00:48:47,825 --> 00:48:48,668 DON'T YOU READ THE LABEL? YEAH, BUT IT GOT BORING. MARY'S DEAD! 1292 00:48:48,692 --> 00:48:49,536 YEAH, BUT IT GOT BORING. MARY'S DEAD! YOU KILLED HER! 1293 00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:51,005 MARY'S DEAD! YOU KILLED HER! WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN THE 1294 00:48:51,029 --> 00:48:51,972 YOU KILLED HER! WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN THE OTHER WAY AROUND? 1295 00:48:51,996 --> 00:48:53,407 WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN THE OTHER WAY AROUND? MURR, BUCK UP! 1296 00:48:53,431 --> 00:48:55,409 OTHER WAY AROUND? MURR, BUCK UP! WE'LL ALL LAUGH ABOUT THIS 1297 00:48:55,433 --> 00:48:56,110 MURR, BUCK UP! WE'LL ALL LAUGH ABOUT THIS LATER. 1298 00:48:56,134 --> 00:48:57,878 WE'LL ALL LAUGH ABOUT THIS LATER. MAYBE YOU'LL LAUGH, BUT WAIT 1299 00:48:57,902 --> 00:48:59,513 LATER. MAYBE YOU'LL LAUGH, BUT WAIT TILL MR. GRANT HEARS ABOUT THIS. 1300 00:48:59,537 --> 00:49:00,314 MAYBE YOU'LL LAUGH, BUT WAIT TILL MR. GRANT HEARS ABOUT THIS. MR. GRANT? 1301 00:49:00,338 --> 00:49:01,648 TILL MR. GRANT HEARS ABOUT THIS. MR. GRANT? WELL, HOW'S HE GONNA HEAR? 1302 00:49:01,672 --> 00:49:03,384 MR. GRANT? WELL, HOW'S HE GONNA HEAR? BY YOU TELLING HIM! 1303 00:49:03,408 --> 00:49:04,584 WELL, HOW'S HE GONNA HEAR? BY YOU TELLING HIM! [GASPING] 1304 00:49:04,608 --> 00:49:06,586 BY YOU TELLING HIM! [GASPING] MURR, I CAN'T TELL HIM! 1305 00:49:06,610 --> 00:49:08,389 [GASPING] MURR, I CAN'T TELL HIM! I COULD LOSE MY JOB! 1306 00:49:08,413 --> 00:49:10,190 MURR, I CAN'T TELL HIM! I COULD LOSE MY JOB! WAIT TILL THE AUTHORITIES 1307 00:49:10,214 --> 00:49:10,958 I COULD LOSE MY JOB! WAIT TILL THE AUTHORITIES FIND OUT. 1308 00:49:10,982 --> 00:49:12,092 WAIT TILL THE AUTHORITIES FIND OUT. THE AUTHORITIES? 1309 00:49:12,116 --> 00:49:15,296 FIND OUT. THE AUTHORITIES? MURRAY, I'VE ALWAYS WONDERED... 1310 00:49:15,320 --> 00:49:17,597 THE AUTHORITIES? MURRAY, I'VE ALWAYS WONDERED... WHO EXACTLY ARE THEY? 1311 00:49:17,621 --> 00:49:18,632 MURRAY, I'VE ALWAYS WONDERED... WHO EXACTLY ARE THEY? THE POLICE. THE LAW. 1312 00:49:18,656 --> 00:49:19,833 WHO EXACTLY ARE THEY? THE POLICE. THE LAW. THEY'RE GONNA SLAP A PRISON 1313 00:49:19,857 --> 00:49:20,634 THE POLICE. THE LAW. THEY'RE GONNA SLAP A PRISON SENTENCE ON YOU! 1314 00:49:20,658 --> 00:49:21,368 THEY'RE GONNA SLAP A PRISON SENTENCE ON YOU! THIS IS MURDER! 1315 00:49:21,392 --> 00:49:22,636 SENTENCE ON YOU! THIS IS MURDER! WAIT. NOW, WAIT. NOW, LOOK 1316 00:49:22,660 --> 00:49:27,541 THIS IS MURDER! WAIT. NOW, WAIT. NOW, LOOK ARE YOU SURE SHE'S DEAD? 1317 00:49:27,565 --> 00:49:29,443 WAIT. NOW, WAIT. NOW, LOOK ARE YOU SURE SHE'S DEAD? YES, SHE'S DEAD! 1318 00:49:29,467 --> 00:49:30,677 ARE YOU SURE SHE'S DEAD? YES, SHE'S DEAD! TED, SHE'S DEAD! 1319 00:49:30,701 --> 00:49:34,114 YES, SHE'S DEAD! TED, SHE'S DEAD! WELL, FOR GOD'S SAKE, MURRAY, 1320 00:49:34,138 --> 00:49:40,020 TED, SHE'S DEAD! WELL, FOR GOD'S SAKE, MURRAY, LET'S LOOK UP HER SKIRT. 1321 00:49:40,044 --> 00:49:41,322 WELL, FOR GOD'S SAKE, MURRAY, LET'S LOOK UP HER SKIRT. HI, GUYS. 1322 00:49:41,346 --> 00:49:46,693 LET'S LOOK UP HER SKIRT. HI, GUYS. I JUST FLEW IN FROM NEW YORK. 1323 00:49:46,717 --> 00:49:47,962 HI, GUYS. I JUST FLEW IN FROM NEW YORK. RHODA, I CAN EXPLAIN 1324 00:49:47,986 --> 00:49:48,662 I JUST FLEW IN FROM NEW YORK. RHODA, I CAN EXPLAIN EVERYTHING. 1325 00:49:48,686 --> 00:49:50,297 RHODA, I CAN EXPLAIN EVERYTHING. I WAS TRYING TO COMMIT SUICIDE, 1326 00:49:50,321 --> 00:49:52,433 EVERYTHING. I WAS TRYING TO COMMIT SUICIDE, AND I FORGOT WHO I WAS. 1327 00:49:52,457 --> 00:49:54,101 I WAS TRYING TO COMMIT SUICIDE, AND I FORGOT WHO I WAS. TED, DID ANYONE EVER TELL 1328 00:49:54,125 --> 00:49:55,902 AND I FORGOT WHO I WAS. TED, DID ANYONE EVER TELL YOU, WITH A FEW MINOR CHANGES, 1329 00:49:55,926 --> 00:49:57,938 TED, DID ANYONE EVER TELL YOU, WITH A FEW MINOR CHANGES, YOU COULD BE A LAMP? 1330 00:49:57,962 --> 00:50:00,207 YOU, WITH A FEW MINOR CHANGES, YOU COULD BE A LAMP? WHAT'S WITH MARE? 1331 00:50:00,231 --> 00:50:03,844 YOU COULD BE A LAMP? WHAT'S WITH MARE? HE KILLED HER. 1332 00:50:03,868 --> 00:50:05,812 WHAT'S WITH MARE? HE KILLED HER. OH, NO. 1333 00:50:05,836 --> 00:50:08,282 HE KILLED HER. OH, NO. HEY, MARE, DON'T LET IT GET TO 1334 00:50:08,306 --> 00:50:09,383 OH, NO. HEY, MARE, DON'T LET IT GET TO YOU. 1335 00:50:09,407 --> 00:50:12,252 HEY, MARE, DON'T LET IT GET TO YOU. THINK OF IT THIS WAY... DEATH IS 1336 00:50:12,276 --> 00:50:14,088 YOU. THINK OF IT THIS WAY... DEATH IS JUST GOD'S WAY OF ASKING YOU 1337 00:50:14,112 --> 00:50:16,590 THINK OF IT THIS WAY... DEATH IS JUST GOD'S WAY OF ASKING YOU OUT. 1338 00:50:16,614 --> 00:50:17,358 JUST GOD'S WAY OF ASKING YOU OUT. HI, HI! 1339 00:50:17,382 --> 00:50:19,159 OUT. HI, HI! ANYBODY WANT TO MUNCH ON ONE OF 1340 00:50:19,183 --> 00:50:19,860 HI, HI! ANYBODY WANT TO MUNCH ON ONE OF MY TARTS? 1341 00:50:19,884 --> 00:50:21,395 ANYBODY WANT TO MUNCH ON ONE OF MY TARTS? I DON'T THINK ANY OF US IS IN 1342 00:50:21,419 --> 00:50:22,629 MY TARTS? I DON'T THINK ANY OF US IS IN A MUNCHING MOOD, SUE ANN! 1343 00:50:22,653 --> 00:50:24,231 I DON'T THINK ANY OF US IS IN A MUNCHING MOOD, SUE ANN! TED KILLED MARY! 1344 00:50:24,255 --> 00:50:26,533 A MUNCHING MOOD, SUE ANN! TED KILLED MARY! IS SHE DEAD? ARE YOU SURE? 1345 00:50:26,557 --> 00:50:28,668 TED KILLED MARY! IS SHE DEAD? ARE YOU SURE? SHE HAS NO PULSE! 1346 00:50:28,692 --> 00:50:31,538 IS SHE DEAD? ARE YOU SURE? SHE HAS NO PULSE! MARY RICHARDS HAS NO PULSE. 1347 00:50:31,562 --> 00:50:33,407 SHE HAS NO PULSE! MARY RICHARDS HAS NO PULSE. AND I THOUGHT SHE WAS THE GIRL 1348 00:50:33,431 --> 00:50:34,708 MARY RICHARDS HAS NO PULSE. AND I THOUGHT SHE WAS THE GIRL WHO HAD EVERYTHING. 1349 00:50:34,732 --> 00:50:36,377 AND I THOUGHT SHE WAS THE GIRL WHO HAD EVERYTHING. WELL, HOW DID IT HAPPEN, 1350 00:50:36,401 --> 00:50:37,011 WHO HAD EVERYTHING. WELL, HOW DID IT HAPPEN, ANYWAY? 1351 00:50:37,035 --> 00:50:38,678 WELL, HOW DID IT HAPPEN, ANYWAY? TED PUT DRANO IN HER COFFEE! 1352 00:50:38,702 --> 00:50:39,646 ANYWAY? TED PUT DRANO IN HER COFFEE! DRANO! 1353 00:50:39,670 --> 00:50:40,981 TED PUT DRANO IN HER COFFEE! DRANO! TED, DIDN'T YOU KNOW THAT A 1354 00:50:41,005 --> 00:50:42,416 DRANO! TED, DIDN'T YOU KNOW THAT A LITTLE AMMONIA AND WATER WOULD 1355 00:50:42,440 --> 00:50:43,850 TED, DIDN'T YOU KNOW THAT A LITTLE AMMONIA AND WATER WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME JOB IN HALF 1356 00:50:43,874 --> 00:50:44,885 LITTLE AMMONIA AND WATER WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME JOB IN HALF THE TIME? 1357 00:50:44,909 --> 00:50:46,387 HAVE DONE THE SAME JOB IN HALF THE TIME? WELL, LOOK, I'M LEAVING. 1358 00:50:46,411 --> 00:50:47,754 THE TIME? WELL, LOOK, I'M LEAVING. I GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN 1359 00:50:47,778 --> 00:50:49,056 WELL, LOOK, I'M LEAVING. I GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN TO SIT HERE AND WATCH MY BEST 1360 00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:49,923 I GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN TO SIT HERE AND WATCH MY BEST FRIEND DECOMPOSE. 1361 00:50:49,947 --> 00:50:51,992 TO SIT HERE AND WATCH MY BEST FRIEND DECOMPOSE. OH, STAY AND HELP ME PLAN THE 1362 00:50:52,016 --> 00:50:52,726 FRIEND DECOMPOSE. OH, STAY AND HELP ME PLAN THE FUNERAL. 1363 00:50:52,750 --> 00:50:54,228 OH, STAY AND HELP ME PLAN THE FUNERAL. COME ON. IT'LL BE FUN. 1364 00:50:54,252 --> 00:50:54,828 FUNERAL. COME ON. IT'LL BE FUN. YEAH! 1365 00:50:54,852 --> 00:50:56,130 COME ON. IT'LL BE FUN. YEAH! THAT'S NONE OF YOUR CONCERN 1366 00:50:56,154 --> 00:50:56,630 YEAH! THAT'S NONE OF YOUR CONCERN NOW, TED. 1367 00:50:56,654 --> 00:50:57,664 THAT'S NONE OF YOUR CONCERN NOW, TED. YOUR CONCERN IS TELLING 1368 00:50:57,688 --> 00:50:58,999 NOW, TED. YOUR CONCERN IS TELLING MR. GRANT! 1369 00:50:59,023 --> 00:51:01,235 YOUR CONCERN IS TELLING MR. GRANT! AND HERE'S YOUR CHANCE! 1370 00:51:01,259 --> 00:51:03,970 MR. GRANT! AND HERE'S YOUR CHANCE! COME ON, TED. LET'S GO. 1371 00:51:03,994 --> 00:51:05,605 AND HERE'S YOUR CHANCE! COME ON, TED. LET'S GO. HERE'S YOUR CHANCE, TED. 1372 00:51:05,629 --> 00:51:11,845 COME ON, TED. LET'S GO. HERE'S YOUR CHANCE, TED. COME ON, TED. COME ON. 1373 00:51:11,869 --> 00:51:13,980 HERE'S YOUR CHANCE, TED. COME ON, TED. COME ON. HEY, LOU, LOOK HOW LONG MARY 1374 00:51:14,004 --> 00:51:15,249 COME ON, TED. COME ON. HEY, LOU, LOOK HOW LONG MARY CAN HOLD HER BREATH WITHOUT 1375 00:51:15,273 --> 00:51:16,183 HEY, LOU, LOOK HOW LONG MARY CAN HOLD HER BREATH WITHOUT STOPPING! 1376 00:51:16,207 --> 00:51:17,384 CAN HOLD HER BREATH WITHOUT STOPPING! TED! 1377 00:51:17,408 --> 00:51:18,419 STOPPING! TED! ALL RIGHT. 1378 00:51:18,443 --> 00:51:19,653 TED! ALL RIGHT. WHAT'S GOING ON? 1379 00:51:19,677 --> 00:51:20,854 ALL RIGHT. WHAT'S GOING ON? WHAT'S THIS ABOUT MARY? 1380 00:51:20,878 --> 00:51:22,356 WHAT'S GOING ON? WHAT'S THIS ABOUT MARY? I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT. 1381 00:51:22,380 --> 00:51:24,591 WHAT'S THIS ABOUT MARY? I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT. [IMITATES GAGGING] 1382 00:51:24,615 --> 00:51:27,227 I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT. [IMITATES GAGGING] TED... TED KILLED HER. 1383 00:51:27,251 --> 00:51:28,495 [IMITATES GAGGING] TED... TED KILLED HER. THERE WAS THIS DRANO 1384 00:51:28,519 --> 00:51:29,430 TED... TED KILLED HER. THERE WAS THIS DRANO IN HIS COFFEE. 1385 00:51:29,454 --> 00:51:30,997 THERE WAS THIS DRANO IN HIS COFFEE. SUE ANN AND RHODA ARE PLANNING 1386 00:51:31,021 --> 00:51:32,199 IN HIS COFFEE. SUE ANN AND RHODA ARE PLANNING THE FUNERAL RIGHT NOW. 1387 00:51:32,223 --> 00:51:33,500 SUE ANN AND RHODA ARE PLANNING THE FUNERAL RIGHT NOW. OH, IT'LL BE A LOVELY 1388 00:51:33,524 --> 00:51:34,101 THE FUNERAL RIGHT NOW. OH, IT'LL BE A LOVELY FUNERAL. 1389 00:51:34,125 --> 00:51:36,336 OH, IT'LL BE A LOVELY FUNERAL. THE THEME IS "MARY RICHARDS... 1390 00:51:36,360 --> 00:51:38,038 FUNERAL. THE THEME IS "MARY RICHARDS... HEAVEN OR HELL?" 1391 00:51:38,062 --> 00:51:39,440 THE THEME IS "MARY RICHARDS... HEAVEN OR HELL?" I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT 1392 00:51:39,464 --> 00:51:42,876 HEAVEN OR HELL?" I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT NOW, SUE ANN. 1393 00:51:42,900 --> 00:51:44,844 I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT NOW, SUE ANN. LET'S HAVE A MOMENT OF SILENCE 1394 00:51:44,868 --> 00:51:49,416 NOW, SUE ANN. LET'S HAVE A MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR MARY. 1395 00:51:49,440 --> 00:51:52,352 LET'S HAVE A MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR MARY. [SNORTING] 1396 00:51:52,376 --> 00:51:54,154 FOR MARY. [SNORTING] I CAN'T HELP IT. 1397 00:51:54,178 --> 00:51:55,322 [SNORTING] I CAN'T HELP IT. "CLEAN OUT HER PIPES." 1398 00:51:55,346 --> 00:51:56,623 I CAN'T HELP IT. "CLEAN OUT HER PIPES." [LAUGHS] 1399 00:51:56,647 --> 00:51:57,657 "CLEAN OUT HER PIPES." [LAUGHS] WHAT A GREAT JOKE. 1400 00:51:57,681 --> 00:52:02,829 [LAUGHS] WHAT A GREAT JOKE. TED! 1401 00:52:02,853 --> 00:52:04,264 WHAT A GREAT JOKE. TED! OKAY. 1402 00:52:04,288 --> 00:52:05,832 TED! OKAY. NOW, WE HAVE TO KEEP OUR HEADS. 1403 00:52:05,856 --> 00:52:07,934 OKAY. NOW, WE HAVE TO KEEP OUR HEADS. MARY IS DEAD, BUT WE HAVE A NEWS 1404 00:52:07,958 --> 00:52:09,703 NOW, WE HAVE TO KEEP OUR HEADS. MARY IS DEAD, BUT WE HAVE A NEWS SHOW TO PUT ON, ALL RIGHT? 1405 00:52:09,727 --> 00:52:11,205 MARY IS DEAD, BUT WE HAVE A NEWS SHOW TO PUT ON, ALL RIGHT? OKAY, NOW, MURRAY, YOU WRITE 1406 00:52:11,229 --> 00:52:11,905 SHOW TO PUT ON, ALL RIGHT? OKAY, NOW, MURRAY, YOU WRITE THE STORY. 1407 00:52:11,929 --> 00:52:13,474 OKAY, NOW, MURRAY, YOU WRITE THE STORY. TED, YOU CONFESS ON THE AIR. 1408 00:52:13,498 --> 00:52:15,142 THE STORY. TED, YOU CONFESS ON THE AIR. BUT EVERYONE WILL HEAR ME. 1409 00:52:15,166 --> 00:52:16,376 TED, YOU CONFESS ON THE AIR. BUT EVERYONE WILL HEAR ME. THAT'S THE IDEA. 1410 00:52:16,400 --> 00:52:18,178 BUT EVERYONE WILL HEAR ME. THAT'S THE IDEA. THIS IS THE BIGGEST NEWS STORY 1411 00:52:18,202 --> 00:52:19,946 THAT'S THE IDEA. THIS IS THE BIGGEST NEWS STORY TO HIT THIS TOWN IN A DECADE, 1412 00:52:19,970 --> 00:52:21,281 THIS IS THE BIGGEST NEWS STORY TO HIT THIS TOWN IN A DECADE, AND WE'RE GONNA BREAK IT. 1413 00:52:21,305 --> 00:52:22,816 TO HIT THIS TOWN IN A DECADE, AND WE'RE GONNA BREAK IT. WE GOT THE KILLER, WE GOT THE 1414 00:52:22,840 --> 00:52:23,350 AND WE'RE GONNA BREAK IT. WE GOT THE KILLER, WE GOT THE MOTIVE. 1415 00:52:23,374 --> 00:52:24,618 WE GOT THE KILLER, WE GOT THE MOTIVE. BY THE WAY, WHAT WAS THE MOTIVE? 1416 00:52:24,642 --> 00:52:25,719 MOTIVE. BY THE WAY, WHAT WAS THE MOTIVE? HUMOR. 1417 00:52:25,743 --> 00:52:27,354 BY THE WAY, WHAT WAS THE MOTIVE? HUMOR. OH, LOU, DON'T MAKE ME CONFESS 1418 00:52:27,378 --> 00:52:28,122 HUMOR. OH, LOU, DON'T MAKE ME CONFESS ON THE AIR! 1419 00:52:28,146 --> 00:52:29,490 OH, LOU, DON'T MAKE ME CONFESS ON THE AIR! THEY'LL SEND ME TO JAIL! 1420 00:52:29,514 --> 00:52:30,991 ON THE AIR! THEY'LL SEND ME TO JAIL! I DON'T WANT TO GO TO JAIL! 1421 00:52:31,015 --> 00:52:32,892 THEY'LL SEND ME TO JAIL! I DON'T WANT TO GO TO JAIL! I LOOK TERRIBLE IN STRIPES AND 1422 00:52:32,916 --> 00:52:33,793 I DON'T WANT TO GO TO JAIL! I LOOK TERRIBLE IN STRIPES AND BIG NUMBERS! 1423 00:52:33,817 --> 00:52:35,362 I LOOK TERRIBLE IN STRIPES AND BIG NUMBERS! WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE 1424 00:52:35,386 --> 00:52:36,730 BIG NUMBERS! WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE YOU 1425 00:52:36,754 --> 00:52:37,664 WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE YOU KILLED SOMEBODY. 1426 00:52:37,688 --> 00:52:39,333 THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE YOU KILLED SOMEBODY. LOU, I WON'T SAY IT! 1427 00:52:39,357 --> 00:52:40,267 KILLED SOMEBODY. LOU, I WON'T SAY IT! I WON'T SAY IT! 1428 00:52:40,291 --> 00:52:41,835 LOU, I WON'T SAY IT! I WON'T SAY IT! I'LL LOSE HALF MY FOLLOWING! 1429 00:52:41,859 --> 00:52:44,204 I WON'T SAY IT! I'LL LOSE HALF MY FOLLOWING! TED, YOU'LL SAY IT, AND 1430 00:52:44,228 --> 00:52:45,739 I'LL LOSE HALF MY FOLLOWING! TED, YOU'LL SAY IT, AND YOU'LL LIKE IT! 1431 00:52:45,763 --> 00:52:49,776 TED, YOU'LL SAY IT, AND YOU'LL LIKE IT! [WHIMPERING] 1432 00:52:49,800 --> 00:52:51,111 YOU'LL LIKE IT! [WHIMPERING] PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME DO IT! 1433 00:52:51,135 --> 00:52:53,113 [WHIMPERING] PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME DO IT! PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME CONFESS IN 1434 00:52:53,137 --> 00:52:54,348 PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME DO IT! PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME CONFESS IN MY OWN TIME SLOT! 1435 00:52:54,372 --> 00:52:57,417 PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME CONFESS IN MY OWN TIME SLOT! TED, YOU WILL CONFESS HERE. 1436 00:52:57,441 --> 00:52:59,620 MY OWN TIME SLOT! TED, YOU WILL CONFESS HERE. OR WOULD YOU RATHER CONFESS IN 1437 00:52:59,644 --> 00:53:01,821 TED, YOU WILL CONFESS HERE. OR WOULD YOU RATHER CONFESS IN SOME DINGY LITTLE COURTROOM IN 1438 00:53:01,845 --> 00:53:04,258 OR WOULD YOU RATHER CONFESS IN SOME DINGY LITTLE COURTROOM IN MUNICIPAL HALL, WHERE YOU WON'T 1439 00:53:04,282 --> 00:53:06,760 SOME DINGY LITTLE COURTROOM IN MUNICIPAL HALL, WHERE YOU WON'T HAVE ANY CHANCE TO WIN THE AWARD 1440 00:53:06,784 --> 00:53:09,263 MUNICIPAL HALL, WHERE YOU WON'T HAVE ANY CHANCE TO WIN THE AWARD FOR THE MOST BRILLIANT REPORTER, 1441 00:53:09,287 --> 00:53:09,863 HAVE ANY CHANCE TO WIN THE AWARD FOR THE MOST BRILLIANT REPORTER, HUH? 1442 00:53:09,887 --> 00:53:11,632 FOR THE MOST BRILLIANT REPORTER, HUH? AND THEY WON'T LET YOU WEAR YOUR 1443 00:53:11,656 --> 00:53:12,199 HUH? AND THEY WON'T LET YOU WEAR YOUR BLAZER. 1444 00:53:12,223 --> 00:53:13,634 AND THEY WON'T LET YOU WEAR YOUR BLAZER. MY BLAZER? 1445 00:53:13,658 --> 00:53:15,302 BLAZER. MY BLAZER? WELL, OKAY. 1446 00:53:15,326 --> 00:53:16,537 MY BLAZER? WELL, OKAY. HERE IT IS, TED. 1447 00:53:16,561 --> 00:53:18,681 WELL, OKAY. HERE IT IS, TED. JUST REMEMBER TO SMILE. 1448 00:53:28,238 --> 00:53:36,238 Announcer: AND NOW "THE WJM 6:00 NEWS," WITH TED BAXTER. THE TOP STORY TONIGHT... IN A 1449 00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:38,458 6:00 NEWS," WITH TED BAXTER. THE TOP STORY TONIGHT... IN A CASE OF INVOLUNTARY MAN'S 1450 00:53:38,482 --> 00:53:43,597 THE TOP STORY TONIGHT... IN A CASE OF INVOLUNTARY MAN'S LAUGHTER... MAN'S LAUGHTER... 1451 00:53:43,621 --> 00:53:44,731 CASE OF INVOLUNTARY MAN'S LAUGHTER... MAN'S LAUGHTER... [CLEARS THROAT] 1452 00:53:44,755 --> 00:53:45,965 LAUGHTER... MAN'S LAUGHTER... [CLEARS THROAT] OUR ASSOCIATE PRODUCER, 1453 00:53:45,989 --> 00:53:50,170 [CLEARS THROAT] OUR ASSOCIATE PRODUCER, MARY RICHARDS, WAS KILLED BY... 1454 00:53:50,194 --> 00:53:52,172 OUR ASSOCIATE PRODUCER, MARY RICHARDS, WAS KILLED BY... CAN ANYONE MAKE OUT THIS NAME? 1455 00:53:52,196 --> 00:53:55,942 MARY RICHARDS, WAS KILLED BY... CAN ANYONE MAKE OUT THIS NAME? [CLEARS THROAT] 1456 00:53:55,966 --> 00:53:58,612 CAN ANYONE MAKE OUT THIS NAME? [CLEARS THROAT] KILLED BY THE BASICALLY 1457 00:53:58,636 --> 00:54:01,548 [CLEARS THROAT] KILLED BY THE BASICALLY WONDERFUL... 1458 00:54:01,572 --> 00:54:05,118 KILLED BY THE BASICALLY WONDERFUL... PERSON NAMED... 1459 00:54:05,142 --> 00:54:06,320 WONDERFUL... PERSON NAMED... LOU GRANT! 1460 00:54:06,344 --> 00:54:07,087 PERSON NAMED... LOU GRANT! YES! 1461 00:54:07,111 --> 00:54:08,555 LOU GRANT! YES! LOU GRANT KILLED MARY RICHARDS 1462 00:54:08,579 --> 00:54:09,923 YES! LOU GRANT KILLED MARY RICHARDS TODAY IN A RUTHLESS, BRUTAL 1463 00:54:09,947 --> 00:54:12,192 LOU GRANT KILLED MARY RICHARDS TODAY IN A RUTHLESS, BRUTAL ASSAULT... 1464 00:54:12,216 --> 00:54:16,184 TODAY IN A RUTHLESS, BRUTAL ASSAULT... MURRAY, GET THE DRANO. 1465 00:54:33,970 --> 00:54:37,951 THIS IS THE OFFICE OF DR. PAUL CONE. DR. CONE'S RESEARCH IN THE FIELD 1466 00:54:37,975 --> 00:54:39,453 DR. PAUL CONE. DR. CONE'S RESEARCH IN THE FIELD OF NUTRITION AND DIGESTIVE 1467 00:54:39,477 --> 00:54:41,020 DR. CONE'S RESEARCH IN THE FIELD OF NUTRITION AND DIGESTIVE STUDIES HAVE LED HIM TO THE 1468 00:54:41,044 --> 00:54:42,522 OF NUTRITION AND DIGESTIVE STUDIES HAVE LED HIM TO THE PERFECTION OF A REMARKABLE 1469 00:54:42,546 --> 00:54:44,258 STUDIES HAVE LED HIM TO THE PERFECTION OF A REMARKABLE WEIGHT-REDUCTION PROGRAM... OUR 1470 00:54:44,282 --> 00:54:45,392 PERFECTION OF A REMARKABLE WEIGHT-REDUCTION PROGRAM... OUR SUBJECT TONIGHT ON... 1471 00:54:45,416 --> 00:54:47,026 WEIGHT-REDUCTION PROGRAM... OUR SUBJECT TONIGHT ON... [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] 1472 00:54:47,050 --> 00:54:49,496 SUBJECT TONIGHT ON... [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] "MYSTERIES IN MEDICINE." 1473 00:54:49,520 --> 00:54:51,298 [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] "MYSTERIES IN MEDICINE." PROFESSIONAL DIET CLINICS... 1474 00:54:51,322 --> 00:54:57,304 "MYSTERIES IN MEDICINE." PROFESSIONAL DIET CLINICS... RIGHT OR RIP-OFF? 1475 00:54:57,328 --> 00:54:59,839 PROFESSIONAL DIET CLINICS... RIGHT OR RIP-OFF? I-I'VE ALMOST GIVEN UP HOPE. 1476 00:54:59,863 --> 00:55:02,676 RIGHT OR RIP-OFF? I-I'VE ALMOST GIVEN UP HOPE. I-I'VE... IF ONLY I COULD LOSE 5 1477 00:55:02,700 --> 00:55:04,678 I-I'VE ALMOST GIVEN UP HOPE. I-I'VE... IF ONLY I COULD LOSE 5 POUNDS, I'D BE HAPPY. 1478 00:55:04,702 --> 00:55:06,580 I-I'VE... IF ONLY I COULD LOSE 5 POUNDS, I'D BE HAPPY. I'VE TRIED EVERY DIET PROGRAM 1479 00:55:06,604 --> 00:55:07,381 POUNDS, I'D BE HAPPY. I'VE TRIED EVERY DIET PROGRAM THERE IS. 1480 00:55:07,405 --> 00:55:09,816 I'VE TRIED EVERY DIET PROGRAM THERE IS. THE 9-DAY PAPER-AND-WATER DIET. 1481 00:55:09,840 --> 00:55:12,386 THERE IS. THE 9-DAY PAPER-AND-WATER DIET. THE LOVECREST NYLON DIET. 1482 00:55:12,410 --> 00:55:13,887 THE 9-DAY PAPER-AND-WATER DIET. THE LOVECREST NYLON DIET. I EVEN GAINED 10 POUNDS LAST 1483 00:55:13,911 --> 00:55:15,589 THE LOVECREST NYLON DIET. I EVEN GAINED 10 POUNDS LAST WEEK EATING NOTHING BUT DRIED 1484 00:55:15,613 --> 00:55:17,090 I EVEN GAINED 10 POUNDS LAST WEEK EATING NOTHING BUT DRIED CAMEL HEARTS. 1485 00:55:17,114 --> 00:55:18,925 WEEK EATING NOTHING BUT DRIED CAMEL HEARTS. OKAY, MRS. ELMWEATHER, IT'S 1486 00:55:18,949 --> 00:55:19,626 CAMEL HEARTS. OKAY, MRS. ELMWEATHER, IT'S SIMPLE. 1487 00:55:19,650 --> 00:55:21,695 OKAY, MRS. ELMWEATHER, IT'S SIMPLE. UM, NONE OF THESE CONVENTIONAL 1488 00:55:21,719 --> 00:55:23,096 SIMPLE. UM, NONE OF THESE CONVENTIONAL DIETS WORK FOR YOU. 1489 00:55:23,120 --> 00:55:25,064 UM, NONE OF THESE CONVENTIONAL DIETS WORK FOR YOU. YOU WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT, YOU 1490 00:55:25,088 --> 00:55:27,000 DIETS WORK FOR YOU. YOU WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT, YOU HAVE TO FIND THE RIGHT DIET. 1491 00:55:27,024 --> 00:55:28,802 YOU WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT, YOU HAVE TO FIND THE RIGHT DIET. I'M GOING TO PUT YOU ON AN 1492 00:55:28,826 --> 00:55:30,470 HAVE TO FIND THE RIGHT DIET. I'M GOING TO PUT YOU ON AN EXTREME WEIGHT-REDUCTION 1493 00:55:30,494 --> 00:55:33,473 I'M GOING TO PUT YOU ON AN EXTREME WEIGHT-REDUCTION PROGRAM... THE UNIZOID WONDER 1494 00:55:33,497 --> 00:55:35,609 EXTREME WEIGHT-REDUCTION PROGRAM... THE UNIZOID WONDER DIET WITH BLOG TREATMENTS. 1495 00:55:35,633 --> 00:55:37,277 PROGRAM... THE UNIZOID WONDER DIET WITH BLOG TREATMENTS. WHAT ARE BLOG TREATMENTS? 1496 00:55:37,301 --> 00:55:39,045 DIET WITH BLOG TREATMENTS. WHAT ARE BLOG TREATMENTS? BLOG TREATMENTS ARE PART OF 1497 00:55:39,069 --> 00:55:40,847 WHAT ARE BLOG TREATMENTS? BLOG TREATMENTS ARE PART OF THE MOST RIGID DIET SCHEDULE IN 1498 00:55:40,871 --> 00:55:41,915 BLOG TREATMENTS ARE PART OF THE MOST RIGID DIET SCHEDULE IN MEDICAL HISTORY. 1499 00:55:41,939 --> 00:55:43,483 THE MOST RIGID DIET SCHEDULE IN MEDICAL HISTORY. IT'S A THREE-YEAR PROGRAM. 1500 00:55:43,507 --> 00:55:44,984 MEDICAL HISTORY. IT'S A THREE-YEAR PROGRAM. WHEN CAN I START? 1501 00:55:45,008 --> 00:55:46,886 IT'S A THREE-YEAR PROGRAM. WHEN CAN I START? ARE YOU READY TO TRAVEL? 1502 00:55:46,910 --> 00:55:48,689 WHEN CAN I START? ARE YOU READY TO TRAVEL? TRAVEL? I DID... 1503 00:55:48,713 --> 00:55:52,826 ARE YOU READY TO TRAVEL? TRAVEL? I DID... HECTOR. ERNIE. 1504 00:55:52,850 --> 00:55:55,462 TRAVEL? I DID... HECTOR. ERNIE. BLOG DIET, PHASE ONE. 1505 00:55:55,486 --> 00:55:57,897 HECTOR. ERNIE. BLOG DIET, PHASE ONE. RIGHT. 1506 00:55:57,921 --> 00:55:59,899 BLOG DIET, PHASE ONE. RIGHT. COMMITMENT, TRUST, AND 1507 00:55:59,923 --> 00:56:02,001 RIGHT. COMMITMENT, TRUST, AND DISCIPLINE... THESE ARE THE 1508 00:56:02,025 --> 00:56:04,070 COMMITMENT, TRUST, AND DISCIPLINE... THESE ARE THE KEYNOTES TO DROPPING THOSE 1509 00:56:04,094 --> 00:56:06,494 DISCIPLINE... THESE ARE THE KEYNOTES TO DROPPING THOSE POUNDS. 1510 00:56:42,999 --> 00:56:46,535 [WIND WHISTLING] 1511 00:56:46,669 --> 00:56:48,470 THE BLOG TREATMENTS WILL 1512 00:56:48,605 --> 00:56:49,605 COMMENCE SHORTLY. 1513 00:56:49,873 --> 00:56:55,021 THANK YOU. THIS IS NOT REALLY WHAT I... AYE, AYE, AYE! 1514 00:56:55,045 --> 00:56:56,189 THIS IS NOT REALLY WHAT I... AYE, AYE, AYE! HEY! 1515 00:56:56,213 --> 00:56:58,892 AYE, AYE, AYE! HEY! ME BLOG! 1516 00:56:58,916 --> 00:57:01,060 HEY! ME BLOG! YOU FISH. 1517 00:57:01,084 --> 00:57:02,462 ME BLOG! YOU FISH. YOU CATCH. 1518 00:57:02,486 --> 00:57:03,697 YOU FISH. YOU CATCH. YOU EAT. 1519 00:57:03,721 --> 00:57:05,064 YOU CATCH. YOU EAT. HI! 1520 00:57:05,088 --> 00:57:06,566 YOU EAT. HI! ME BLOG. 1521 00:57:06,590 --> 00:57:07,901 HI! ME BLOG. CATCH! 1522 00:57:07,925 --> 00:57:09,102 ME BLOG. CATCH! AAH! 1523 00:57:09,126 --> 00:57:11,405 CATCH! AAH! THIS ISN'T REALLY WHAT I-I 1524 00:57:11,429 --> 00:57:12,338 AAH! THIS ISN'T REALLY WHAT I-I EXPECTED. 1525 00:57:12,362 --> 00:57:14,207 THIS ISN'T REALLY WHAT I-I EXPECTED. I DIDN'T THINK... 1526 00:57:14,231 --> 00:57:16,676 EXPECTED. I DIDN'T THINK... [WIND WHISTLING] 1527 00:57:16,700 --> 00:57:17,577 I DIDN'T THINK... [WIND WHISTLING] HI! 1528 00:57:17,601 --> 00:57:19,279 [WIND WHISTLING] HI! ARE YOU DIETING? 1529 00:57:19,303 --> 00:57:21,214 HI! ARE YOU DIETING? YES. MY NAME IS VIOLET. 1530 00:57:21,238 --> 00:57:22,582 ARE YOU DIETING? YES. MY NAME IS VIOLET. OH, I'M MIDGE. 1531 00:57:22,606 --> 00:57:24,618 YES. MY NAME IS VIOLET. OH, I'M MIDGE. I'VE BEEN HERE FOR TWO YEARS 1532 00:57:24,642 --> 00:57:25,184 OH, I'M MIDGE. I'VE BEEN HERE FOR TWO YEARS NOW. 1533 00:57:25,208 --> 00:57:27,020 I'VE BEEN HERE FOR TWO YEARS NOW. I USED TO WEIGH 180. 1534 00:57:27,044 --> 00:57:28,354 NOW. I USED TO WEIGH 180. I WAS ROTUND. 1535 00:57:28,378 --> 00:57:29,890 I USED TO WEIGH 180. I WAS ROTUND. NOW I WEIGH 50. 1536 00:57:29,914 --> 00:57:32,592 I WAS ROTUND. NOW I WEIGH 50. I WANT TO WEIGH 10. 1537 00:57:32,616 --> 00:57:34,394 NOW I WEIGH 50. I WANT TO WEIGH 10. HERE, HAVE SOME RAW SEAL MEAT, 1538 00:57:34,418 --> 00:57:35,028 I WANT TO WEIGH 10. HERE, HAVE SOME RAW SEAL MEAT, VIOLET. 1539 00:57:35,052 --> 00:57:35,995 HERE, HAVE SOME RAW SEAL MEAT, VIOLET. NO, THANKS. 1540 00:57:36,019 --> 00:57:37,297 VIOLET. NO, THANKS. AH! 1541 00:57:37,321 --> 00:57:38,732 NO, THANKS. AH! OH, FOOD! 1542 00:57:38,756 --> 00:57:41,267 AH! OH, FOOD! BLOG EAT NOW! 1543 00:57:41,291 --> 00:57:44,638 OH, FOOD! BLOG EAT NOW! BLOG EAT. 1544 00:57:44,662 --> 00:57:46,807 BLOG EAT NOW! BLOG EAT. WHAT DO WE EAT ON THIS DIET? 1545 00:57:46,831 --> 00:57:48,308 BLOG EAT. WHAT DO WE EAT ON THIS DIET? OH, WHATEVER WE MANAGE TO 1546 00:57:48,332 --> 00:57:50,644 WHAT DO WE EAT ON THIS DIET? OH, WHATEVER WE MANAGE TO CATCH AND HIDE FROM BLOG. 1547 00:57:50,668 --> 00:57:51,912 OH, WHATEVER WE MANAGE TO CATCH AND HIDE FROM BLOG. SO WHAT DO YOU DO ON 1548 00:57:51,936 --> 00:57:52,546 CATCH AND HIDE FROM BLOG. SO WHAT DO YOU DO ON WEEKENDS? 1549 00:57:52,570 --> 00:57:55,449 SO WHAT DO YOU DO ON WEEKENDS? OH, WELL, UH, I DIET. 1550 00:57:55,473 --> 00:57:58,384 WEEKENDS? OH, WELL, UH, I DIET. AND I REPACK SIGNAL FLARES. 1551 00:57:58,408 --> 00:58:00,987 OH, WELL, UH, I DIET. AND I REPACK SIGNAL FLARES. LOOK! A CHAR! 1552 00:58:01,011 --> 00:58:01,621 AND I REPACK SIGNAL FLARES. LOOK! A CHAR! A WHAT? 1553 00:58:01,645 --> 00:58:02,622 LOOK! A CHAR! A WHAT? AN ARCTIC CHAR. 1554 00:58:02,646 --> 00:58:04,023 A WHAT? AN ARCTIC CHAR. IT'S A FISH, AND IT TASTES 1555 00:58:04,047 --> 00:58:04,491 AN ARCTIC CHAR. IT'S A FISH, AND IT TASTES GREAT. 1556 00:58:04,515 --> 00:58:05,992 IT'S A FISH, AND IT TASTES GREAT. WELL, I'LL JUST CATCH THAT 1557 00:58:06,016 --> 00:58:06,927 GREAT. WELL, I'LL JUST CATCH THAT CHAR AND EAT IT. 1558 00:58:06,951 --> 00:58:08,495 WELL, I'LL JUST CATCH THAT CHAR AND EAT IT. OH, NO, NO, I SAW THAT CHAR 1559 00:58:08,519 --> 00:58:09,195 CHAR AND EAT IT. OH, NO, NO, I SAW THAT CHAR FIRST. 1560 00:58:09,219 --> 00:58:10,129 OH, NO, NO, I SAW THAT CHAR FIRST. THAT'S MY CHAR. 1561 00:58:10,153 --> 00:58:11,164 FIRST. THAT'S MY CHAR. THAT'S MY CHAR. 1562 00:58:11,188 --> 00:58:12,732 THAT'S MY CHAR. THAT'S MY CHAR. I'M SORRY, I HAVEN'T EATEN IN 1563 00:58:12,756 --> 00:58:13,366 THAT'S MY CHAR. I'M SORRY, I HAVEN'T EATEN IN TWO DAYS. 1564 00:58:13,390 --> 00:58:14,768 I'M SORRY, I HAVEN'T EATEN IN TWO DAYS. I HAVEN'T EATEN IN TWO YEARS! 1565 00:58:14,792 --> 00:58:15,869 TWO DAYS. I HAVEN'T EATEN IN TWO YEARS! I'M SORRY! 1566 00:58:15,893 --> 00:58:18,527 I HAVEN'T EATEN IN TWO YEARS! I'M SORRY! [BOTH SCREAMING] 1567 00:58:24,567 --> 00:58:29,649 THIS IS PHASE TWO OF THE DIET... THE CHAR FIGHT. THESE SUBJECTS RELEASE TENSION 1568 00:58:29,673 --> 00:58:31,585 DIET... THE CHAR FIGHT. THESE SUBJECTS RELEASE TENSION AND TRY TO FIGURE OUT NEW WAYS 1569 00:58:31,609 --> 00:58:33,453 THESE SUBJECTS RELEASE TENSION AND TRY TO FIGURE OUT NEW WAYS OF HIDING THE FOOD THEY CATCH 1570 00:58:33,477 --> 00:58:35,722 AND TRY TO FIGURE OUT NEW WAYS OF HIDING THE FOOD THEY CATCH FROM BLOG. 1571 00:58:35,746 --> 00:58:37,357 OF HIDING THE FOOD THEY CATCH FROM BLOG. OF COURSE BLOG KNOWS 1572 00:58:37,381 --> 00:58:39,292 FROM BLOG. OF COURSE BLOG KNOWS IMMEDIATELY WHEN THE DIETERS 1573 00:58:39,316 --> 00:58:41,361 OF COURSE BLOG KNOWS IMMEDIATELY WHEN THE DIETERS HAVE PROCURED FOOD BECAUSE HE'S 1574 00:58:41,385 --> 00:58:43,062 IMMEDIATELY WHEN THE DIETERS HAVE PROCURED FOOD BECAUSE HE'S ALWAYS WATCHING THEM VIA 1575 00:58:43,086 --> 00:58:44,698 HAVE PROCURED FOOD BECAUSE HE'S ALWAYS WATCHING THEM VIA CLOSED-CIRCUIT CAMERAS. 1576 00:58:44,722 --> 00:58:46,666 ALWAYS WATCHING THEM VIA CLOSED-CIRCUIT CAMERAS. THIS IS DR. MIKE BLOG, OUR 1577 00:58:46,690 --> 00:58:48,468 CLOSED-CIRCUIT CAMERAS. THIS IS DR. MIKE BLOG, OUR TOP RESEARCHER, BLOG DIET. 1578 00:58:48,492 --> 00:58:49,903 THIS IS DR. MIKE BLOG, OUR TOP RESEARCHER, BLOG DIET. CHIEF OF DIET RESEARCH AND A 1579 00:58:49,927 --> 00:58:52,438 TOP RESEARCHER, BLOG DIET. CHIEF OF DIET RESEARCH AND A BRILLIANT DIGESTIVE SCIENTIST. 1580 00:58:52,462 --> 00:58:54,608 CHIEF OF DIET RESEARCH AND A BRILLIANT DIGESTIVE SCIENTIST. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 1581 00:58:54,632 --> 00:58:56,476 BRILLIANT DIGESTIVE SCIENTIST. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. OH, EXCUSE ME. 1582 00:58:56,500 --> 00:58:57,711 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. OH, EXCUSE ME. I THINK THEY'RE FIGHTING OVER 1583 00:58:57,735 --> 00:58:58,211 OH, EXCUSE ME. I THINK THEY'RE FIGHTING OVER THE CHAR. 1584 00:58:58,235 --> 00:58:59,479 I THINK THEY'RE FIGHTING OVER THE CHAR. I'LL HAVE TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM 1585 00:58:59,503 --> 00:58:59,846 THE CHAR. I'LL HAVE TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM THEM. 1586 00:58:59,870 --> 00:59:00,780 I'LL HAVE TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM THEM. OKAY, MIKE. 1587 00:59:00,804 --> 00:59:05,585 THEM. OKAY, MIKE. TAKE CARE. 1588 00:59:05,609 --> 00:59:06,920 OKAY, MIKE. TAKE CARE. AAH! 1589 00:59:06,944 --> 00:59:08,354 TAKE CARE. AAH! UHH. 1590 00:59:08,378 --> 00:59:09,288 AAH! UHH. CHAR? 1591 00:59:09,312 --> 00:59:10,657 UHH. CHAR? NO CHAR, BLOG. 1592 00:59:10,681 --> 00:59:11,424 CHAR? NO CHAR, BLOG. WHAT YOU GOT? 1593 00:59:11,448 --> 00:59:15,028 NO CHAR, BLOG. WHAT YOU GOT? [LAUGHING] 1594 00:59:15,052 --> 00:59:16,663 WHAT YOU GOT? [LAUGHING] YES, A DIET WHERE FOOD IS 1595 00:59:16,687 --> 00:59:18,131 [LAUGHING] YES, A DIET WHERE FOOD IS HUNTED AND HIDDEN FROM A 1596 00:59:18,155 --> 00:59:19,900 YES, A DIET WHERE FOOD IS HUNTED AND HIDDEN FROM A NUTRITIONIST POSING AS AN ESKIMO 1597 00:59:19,924 --> 00:59:21,701 HUNTED AND HIDDEN FROM A NUTRITIONIST POSING AS AN ESKIMO IN THE SIMULATED ENVIRONMENT OF 1598 00:59:21,725 --> 00:59:23,302 NUTRITIONIST POSING AS AN ESKIMO IN THE SIMULATED ENVIRONMENT OF A SECLUDED ICE-FISHING HUT. 1599 00:59:23,326 --> 00:59:25,805 IN THE SIMULATED ENVIRONMENT OF A SECLUDED ICE-FISHING HUT. ONLY ONE OF THE MANY... 1600 00:59:25,829 --> 00:59:29,643 A SECLUDED ICE-FISHING HUT. ONLY ONE OF THE MANY... "MYSTERIES IN MEDICINE." 1601 00:59:29,667 --> 00:59:32,133 ONLY ONE OF THE MANY... "MYSTERIES IN MEDICINE." [APPLAUSE] 1602 00:59:44,047 --> 00:59:51,164 HOW DO YOU LIKE THE SHOW SO FAR? OKAY, WE'RE HAVING SOME FUN OUT 1603 00:59:51,188 --> 00:59:52,666 FAR? OKAY, WE'RE HAVING SOME FUN OUT HERE TONIGHT, I GUESS, HUH? 1604 00:59:52,690 --> 00:59:53,767 OKAY, WE'RE HAVING SOME FUN OUT HERE TONIGHT, I GUESS, HUH? [LAUGHS] 1605 00:59:53,791 --> 00:59:55,569 HERE TONIGHT, I GUESS, HUH? [LAUGHS] YOU KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE COME 1606 00:59:55,593 --> 00:59:56,135 [LAUGHS] YOU KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE COME TO ME. 1607 00:59:56,159 --> 00:59:57,771 YOU KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE COME TO ME. THEY SAY, "STEVE, YOU'RE A 1608 00:59:57,795 --> 00:59:58,738 TO ME. THEY SAY, "STEVE, YOU'RE A RAMBLING GUY." 1609 00:59:58,762 --> 00:59:59,906 THEY SAY, "STEVE, YOU'RE A RAMBLING GUY." UM... 1610 00:59:59,930 --> 01:00:01,441 RAMBLING GUY." UM... "YOU MUST MEET A LOT OF GIRLS ON 1611 01:00:01,465 --> 01:00:02,075 UM... "YOU MUST MEET A LOT OF GIRLS ON THE ROAD." 1612 01:00:02,099 --> 01:00:03,443 "YOU MUST MEET A LOT OF GIRLS ON THE ROAD." I'D JUST LIKE TO DISPEL THAT 1613 01:00:03,467 --> 01:00:03,910 THE ROAD." I'D JUST LIKE TO DISPEL THAT RUMOR. 1614 01:00:03,934 --> 01:00:05,211 I'D JUST LIKE TO DISPEL THAT RUMOR. IT'S KIND OF A MYTH ABOUT 1615 01:00:05,235 --> 01:00:05,979 RUMOR. IT'S KIND OF A MYTH ABOUT ENTERTAINERS. 1616 01:00:06,003 --> 01:00:07,581 IT'S KIND OF A MYTH ABOUT ENTERTAINERS. YOU KNOW, YOU TRAVEL AROUND FROM 1617 01:00:07,605 --> 01:00:08,982 ENTERTAINERS. YOU KNOW, YOU TRAVEL AROUND FROM TOWN TO TOWN, ONE NIGHT AT A 1618 01:00:09,006 --> 01:00:10,584 YOU KNOW, YOU TRAVEL AROUND FROM TOWN TO TOWN, ONE NIGHT AT A TIME, AND YOU DON'T HAVE TIME TO 1619 01:00:10,608 --> 01:00:12,752 TOWN TO TOWN, ONE NIGHT AT A TIME, AND YOU DON'T HAVE TIME TO MEET ANYBODY, AND I'M NOT INTO 1620 01:00:12,776 --> 01:00:14,387 TIME, AND YOU DON'T HAVE TIME TO MEET ANYBODY, AND I'M NOT INTO THAT ONE-NIGHT THING. 1621 01:00:14,411 --> 01:00:16,556 MEET ANYBODY, AND I'M NOT INTO THAT ONE-NIGHT THING. I THINK A PERSON SHOULD GET TO 1622 01:00:16,580 --> 01:00:18,858 THAT ONE-NIGHT THING. I THINK A PERSON SHOULD GET TO KNOW SOMEONE AND EVEN BE IN LOVE 1623 01:00:18,882 --> 01:00:20,894 I THINK A PERSON SHOULD GET TO KNOW SOMEONE AND EVEN BE IN LOVE WITH THEM BEFORE YOU USE AND 1624 01:00:20,918 --> 01:00:22,028 KNOW SOMEONE AND EVEN BE IN LOVE WITH THEM BEFORE YOU USE AND DEGRADE THEM. 1625 01:00:22,052 --> 01:00:22,929 WITH THEM BEFORE YOU USE AND DEGRADE THEM. [LAUGHTER] 1626 01:00:22,953 --> 01:00:26,232 DEGRADE THEM. [LAUGHTER] SO... 1627 01:00:26,256 --> 01:00:28,068 [LAUGHTER] SO... I DON'T KNOW IF I LOOKED A 1628 01:00:28,092 --> 01:00:29,936 SO... I DON'T KNOW IF I LOOKED A LITTLE MAD DURING THE SHOW 1629 01:00:29,960 --> 01:00:30,704 I DON'T KNOW IF I LOOKED A LITTLE MAD DURING THE SHOW TONIGHT. 1630 01:00:30,728 --> 01:00:32,672 LITTLE MAD DURING THE SHOW TONIGHT. I'M A LITTLE ANGRY, I GUESS. 1631 01:00:32,696 --> 01:00:35,441 TONIGHT. I'M A LITTLE ANGRY, I GUESS. I'M JUST... 1632 01:00:35,465 --> 01:00:37,143 I'M A LITTLE ANGRY, I GUESS. I'M JUST... I DON'T KNOW, I'M JUST MAD AT MY 1633 01:00:37,167 --> 01:00:37,711 I'M JUST... I DON'T KNOW, I'M JUST MAD AT MY MOTHER. 1634 01:00:37,735 --> 01:00:40,614 I DON'T KNOW, I'M JUST MAD AT MY MOTHER. HOO. 1635 01:00:40,638 --> 01:00:42,415 MOTHER. HOO. I DON'T KNOW, SHE JUST... SHE 1636 01:00:42,439 --> 01:00:43,750 HOO. I DON'T KNOW, SHE JUST... SHE CALLS ME UP THE OTHER DAY. 1637 01:00:43,774 --> 01:00:46,052 I DON'T KNOW, SHE JUST... SHE CALLS ME UP THE OTHER DAY. SHE WANTS TO BORROW $10 FOR SOME 1638 01:00:46,076 --> 01:00:48,488 CALLS ME UP THE OTHER DAY. SHE WANTS TO BORROW $10 FOR SOME FOOD. 1639 01:00:48,512 --> 01:00:49,889 SHE WANTS TO BORROW $10 FOR SOME FOOD. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? 1640 01:00:49,913 --> 01:00:51,224 FOOD. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? I SAID, "HEY, I WORK FOR A 1641 01:00:51,248 --> 01:00:52,492 CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? I SAID, "HEY, I WORK FOR A LIVING!" 1642 01:00:52,516 --> 01:00:53,927 I SAID, "HEY, I WORK FOR A LIVING!" SO I LOAN HER THE MONEY. 1643 01:00:53,951 --> 01:00:55,629 LIVING!" SO I LOAN HER THE MONEY. YESTERDAY SHE CALLS ME UP AND 1644 01:00:55,653 --> 01:00:57,163 SO I LOAN HER THE MONEY. YESTERDAY SHE CALLS ME UP AND SAYS SHE CAN'T PAY ME BACK FOR A 1645 01:00:57,187 --> 01:00:58,031 YESTERDAY SHE CALLS ME UP AND SAYS SHE CAN'T PAY ME BACK FOR A WHILE. 1646 01:00:58,055 --> 01:01:01,334 SAYS SHE CAN'T PAY ME BACK FOR A WHILE. I SAID, "HEY, WHAT IS THIS?!" 1647 01:01:01,358 --> 01:01:02,902 WHILE. I SAID, "HEY, WHAT IS THIS?!" SO I WORKED OUT A DEAL WITH HER. 1648 01:01:02,926 --> 01:01:04,170 I SAID, "HEY, WHAT IS THIS?!" SO I WORKED OUT A DEAL WITH HER. I'M HAVING HER WORK ON MY 1649 01:01:04,194 --> 01:01:06,940 SO I WORKED OUT A DEAL WITH HER. I'M HAVING HER WORK ON MY TRANSMISSION. 1650 01:01:06,964 --> 01:01:08,541 I'M HAVING HER WORK ON MY TRANSMISSION. AND I MOVED MY BARBELLS UP TO 1651 01:01:08,565 --> 01:01:09,943 TRANSMISSION. AND I MOVED MY BARBELLS UP TO THE ATTIC. 1652 01:01:09,967 --> 01:01:11,210 AND I MOVED MY BARBELLS UP TO THE ATTIC. SO THAT'S PRETTY GOOD, HUH? 1653 01:01:11,234 --> 01:01:12,078 THE ATTIC. SO THAT'S PRETTY GOOD, HUH? [LAUGHS] 1654 01:01:12,102 --> 01:01:15,949 SO THAT'S PRETTY GOOD, HUH? [LAUGHS] OH, GOSH, MY SHOELACE IS UNTIED. 1655 01:01:15,973 --> 01:01:17,717 [LAUGHS] OH, GOSH, MY SHOELACE IS UNTIED. HA HA HA HA. 1656 01:01:17,741 --> 01:01:19,252 OH, GOSH, MY SHOELACE IS UNTIED. HA HA HA HA. OH, I LOVE PLAYING JOKES ON 1657 01:01:19,276 --> 01:01:20,319 HA HA HA HA. OH, I LOVE PLAYING JOKES ON MYSELF. 1658 01:01:20,343 --> 01:01:23,322 OH, I LOVE PLAYING JOKES ON MYSELF. ALL RIGHT. 1659 01:01:23,346 --> 01:01:24,891 MYSELF. ALL RIGHT. BOY, I HAD A... 1660 01:01:24,915 --> 01:01:27,027 ALL RIGHT. BOY, I HAD A... I HAD A WEIRD EXPERIENCE THE 1661 01:01:27,051 --> 01:01:27,994 BOY, I HAD A... I HAD A WEIRD EXPERIENCE THE OTHER DAY. 1662 01:01:28,018 --> 01:01:30,030 I HAD A WEIRD EXPERIENCE THE OTHER DAY. YOU SEE, JACKIE ONASSIS HAS 1663 01:01:30,054 --> 01:01:32,298 OTHER DAY. YOU SEE, JACKIE ONASSIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN ONE OF MY FAVORITE 1664 01:01:32,322 --> 01:01:32,799 YOU SEE, JACKIE ONASSIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN ONE OF MY FAVORITE PEOPLE. 1665 01:01:32,823 --> 01:01:34,333 ALWAYS BEEN ONE OF MY FAVORITE PEOPLE. IT'S LIKE I'VE ALWAYS IDOLIZED 1666 01:01:34,357 --> 01:01:35,835 PEOPLE. IT'S LIKE I'VE ALWAYS IDOLIZED HER FROM AFAR, AND I'VE ALWAYS 1667 01:01:35,859 --> 01:01:36,836 IT'S LIKE I'VE ALWAYS IDOLIZED HER FROM AFAR, AND I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO MEET HER. 1668 01:01:36,860 --> 01:01:38,304 HER FROM AFAR, AND I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO MEET HER. BUT FAT CHANCE I'M GONNA MEET 1669 01:01:38,328 --> 01:01:39,472 WANTED TO MEET HER. BUT FAT CHANCE I'M GONNA MEET JACKIE ONASSIS, RIGHT? 1670 01:01:39,496 --> 01:01:41,541 BUT FAT CHANCE I'M GONNA MEET JACKIE ONASSIS, RIGHT? WELL [CLEARS THROAT] I WAS IN A 1671 01:01:41,565 --> 01:01:44,878 JACKIE ONASSIS, RIGHT? WELL [CLEARS THROAT] I WAS IN A LAUNDROMAT IN TUCSON, ARIZONA, 1672 01:01:44,902 --> 01:01:46,445 WELL [CLEARS THROAT] I WAS IN A LAUNDROMAT IN TUCSON, ARIZONA, AND I LOOKED OVER, AND THERE SHE 1673 01:01:46,469 --> 01:01:47,847 LAUNDROMAT IN TUCSON, ARIZONA, AND I LOOKED OVER, AND THERE SHE WAS, JACKIE ONASSIS, MY IDOL, 1674 01:01:47,871 --> 01:01:49,182 AND I LOOKED OVER, AND THERE SHE WAS, JACKIE ONASSIS, MY IDOL, AND I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT. 1675 01:01:49,206 --> 01:01:50,717 WAS, JACKIE ONASSIS, MY IDOL, AND I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT. SO I GOT ALL EXCITED, AND I WENT 1676 01:01:50,741 --> 01:01:52,085 AND I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT. SO I GOT ALL EXCITED, AND I WENT UP TO HER AND I SAID, "HEY, 1677 01:01:52,109 --> 01:01:52,952 SO I GOT ALL EXCITED, AND I WENT UP TO HER AND I SAID, "HEY, HOW'S IT GOING?" 1678 01:01:52,976 --> 01:01:54,788 UP TO HER AND I SAID, "HEY, HOW'S IT GOING?" AND SHE SAID, "FINE, EVERYTHING 1679 01:01:54,812 --> 01:01:55,488 HOW'S IT GOING?" AND SHE SAID, "FINE, EVERYTHING IS GOOD." 1680 01:01:55,512 --> 01:01:57,223 AND SHE SAID, "FINE, EVERYTHING IS GOOD." SO I ASKED HER OUT FOR LUNCH, 1681 01:01:57,247 --> 01:01:59,092 IS GOOD." SO I ASKED HER OUT FOR LUNCH, AND I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT... SHE 1682 01:01:59,116 --> 01:02:00,927 SO I ASKED HER OUT FOR LUNCH, AND I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT... SHE ACCEPTED, AND I WAS SO PROUD TO 1683 01:02:00,951 --> 01:02:02,729 AND I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT... SHE ACCEPTED, AND I WAS SO PROUD TO BE ABLE TO GO SOMEPLACE WITH MY 1684 01:02:02,753 --> 01:02:04,197 ACCEPTED, AND I WAS SO PROUD TO BE ABLE TO GO SOMEPLACE WITH MY IDOL, JACKIE ONASSIS, SO 1685 01:02:04,221 --> 01:02:05,631 BE ABLE TO GO SOMEPLACE WITH MY IDOL, JACKIE ONASSIS, SO ELEGANT, SOPHISTICATED. 1686 01:02:05,655 --> 01:02:07,100 IDOL, JACKIE ONASSIS, SO ELEGANT, SOPHISTICATED. SO I TOOK HER TO THIS REALLY 1687 01:02:07,124 --> 01:02:08,634 ELEGANT, SOPHISTICATED. SO I TOOK HER TO THIS REALLY GREAT RESTAURANT, AND THE WAITER 1688 01:02:08,658 --> 01:02:11,971 SO I TOOK HER TO THIS REALLY GREAT RESTAURANT, AND THE WAITER BROUGHT THE FOOD, AND SHE WAS A 1689 01:02:11,995 --> 01:02:13,573 GREAT RESTAURANT, AND THE WAITER BROUGHT THE FOOD, AND SHE WAS A PIG. 1690 01:02:13,597 --> 01:02:14,174 BROUGHT THE FOOD, AND SHE WAS A PIG. REALLY. 1691 01:02:14,198 --> 01:02:15,374 PIG. REALLY. IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE. 1692 01:02:15,398 --> 01:02:17,010 REALLY. IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE. SHE WOULDN'T USE A KNIFE AND 1693 01:02:17,034 --> 01:02:17,610 IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE. SHE WOULDN'T USE A KNIFE AND FORK. 1694 01:02:17,634 --> 01:02:20,213 SHE WOULDN'T USE A KNIFE AND FORK. SHE GOES... 1695 01:02:20,237 --> 01:02:21,380 FORK. SHE GOES... OHH. 1696 01:02:21,404 --> 01:02:22,481 SHE GOES... OHH. AND SHE PICKED UP THE HARD 1697 01:02:22,505 --> 01:02:23,750 OHH. AND SHE PICKED UP THE HARD ROLLS, AND SHE'D THROW THEM AT 1698 01:02:23,774 --> 01:02:24,184 AND SHE PICKED UP THE HARD ROLLS, AND SHE'D THROW THEM AT PEOPLE. 1699 01:02:24,208 --> 01:02:25,384 ROLLS, AND SHE'D THROW THEM AT PEOPLE. SHE PICKED UP TWO FRIED EGGS, 1700 01:02:25,408 --> 01:02:27,353 PEOPLE. SHE PICKED UP TWO FRIED EGGS, SHE GOES, "HEY!" 1701 01:02:27,377 --> 01:02:28,955 SHE PICKED UP TWO FRIED EGGS, SHE GOES, "HEY!" [APPLAUSE] 1702 01:02:28,979 --> 01:02:30,256 SHE GOES, "HEY!" [APPLAUSE] AND SHE THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY. 1703 01:02:30,280 --> 01:02:31,057 [APPLAUSE] AND SHE THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY. YOU KNOW? 1704 01:02:31,081 --> 01:02:32,325 AND SHE THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY. YOU KNOW? AND THE WAITER WOULD COME BY, 1705 01:02:32,349 --> 01:02:33,626 YOU KNOW? AND THE WAITER WOULD COME BY, AND SHE'D LIFT UP HER DRESS... 1706 01:02:33,650 --> 01:02:36,062 AND THE WAITER WOULD COME BY, AND SHE'D LIFT UP HER DRESS... "AAH!" 1707 01:02:36,086 --> 01:02:37,764 AND SHE'D LIFT UP HER DRESS... "AAH!" WHAT A LETDOWN, YOU KNOW WHAT I 1708 01:02:37,788 --> 01:02:39,532 "AAH!" WHAT A LETDOWN, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 1709 01:02:39,556 --> 01:02:40,600 WHAT A LETDOWN, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? PHEW. 1710 01:02:40,624 --> 01:02:42,102 MEAN? PHEW. YOU KNOW WHY PEOPLE CAN GET AWAY 1711 01:02:42,126 --> 01:02:43,169 PHEW. YOU KNOW WHY PEOPLE CAN GET AWAY WITH STUFF LIKE THAT? 1712 01:02:43,193 --> 01:02:44,670 YOU KNOW WHY PEOPLE CAN GET AWAY WITH STUFF LIKE THAT? I'LL TELL YOU EXACTLY WHY PEOPLE 1713 01:02:44,694 --> 01:02:45,638 WITH STUFF LIKE THAT? I'LL TELL YOU EXACTLY WHY PEOPLE GET AWAY WITH THAT. 1714 01:02:45,662 --> 01:02:47,073 I'LL TELL YOU EXACTLY WHY PEOPLE GET AWAY WITH THAT. BECAUSE THE PUBLIC HAS A SHORT 1715 01:02:47,097 --> 01:02:47,573 GET AWAY WITH THAT. BECAUSE THE PUBLIC HAS A SHORT MEMORY. 1716 01:02:47,597 --> 01:02:48,975 BECAUSE THE PUBLIC HAS A SHORT MEMORY. THAT'S WHY ALL THESE BIG STARS 1717 01:02:48,999 --> 01:02:50,476 MEMORY. THAT'S WHY ALL THESE BIG STARS DO THESE CRAZY, TERRIBLE THINGS, 1718 01:02:50,500 --> 01:02:51,978 THAT'S WHY ALL THESE BIG STARS DO THESE CRAZY, TERRIBLE THINGS, AND TWO YEARS LATER THEY'RE BACK 1719 01:02:52,002 --> 01:02:52,645 DO THESE CRAZY, TERRIBLE THINGS, AND TWO YEARS LATER THEY'RE BACK IN THE BIZ. 1720 01:02:52,669 --> 01:02:53,980 AND TWO YEARS LATER THEY'RE BACK IN THE BIZ. THE PUBLIC HAS A SHORT MEMORY. 1721 01:02:54,004 --> 01:02:55,314 IN THE BIZ. THE PUBLIC HAS A SHORT MEMORY. LET ME GIVE YOU A LITTLE TEST, 1722 01:02:55,338 --> 01:02:55,681 THE PUBLIC HAS A SHORT MEMORY. LET ME GIVE YOU A LITTLE TEST, OKAY? 1723 01:02:55,705 --> 01:02:57,784 LET ME GIVE YOU A LITTLE TEST, OKAY? THIS IS MY THESIS... THE PUBLIC 1724 01:02:57,808 --> 01:02:59,953 OKAY? THIS IS MY THESIS... THE PUBLIC HAS A SHORT MEMORY, AND HOW MANY 1725 01:02:59,977 --> 01:03:01,487 THIS IS MY THESIS... THE PUBLIC HAS A SHORT MEMORY, AND HOW MANY PEOPLE REMEMBER A COUPLE OF 1726 01:03:01,511 --> 01:03:03,790 HAS A SHORT MEMORY, AND HOW MANY PEOPLE REMEMBER A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO WHEN THE EARTH BLEW 1727 01:03:03,814 --> 01:03:04,224 PEOPLE REMEMBER A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO WHEN THE EARTH BLEW UP? 1728 01:03:04,248 --> 01:03:05,892 YEARS AGO WHEN THE EARTH BLEW UP? HOW MANY PEOPLE REMEMBER? 1729 01:03:05,916 --> 01:03:08,594 UP? HOW MANY PEOPLE REMEMBER? SEE? SO FEW PEOPLE REMEMBER. 1730 01:03:08,618 --> 01:03:09,863 HOW MANY PEOPLE REMEMBER? SEE? SO FEW PEOPLE REMEMBER. AND YOU WOULD THINK THAT 1731 01:03:09,887 --> 01:03:11,497 SEE? SO FEW PEOPLE REMEMBER. AND YOU WOULD THINK THAT SOMETHING LIKE THAT PEOPLE WOULD 1732 01:03:11,521 --> 01:03:12,098 AND YOU WOULD THINK THAT SOMETHING LIKE THAT PEOPLE WOULD REMEMBER. 1733 01:03:12,122 --> 01:03:13,800 SOMETHING LIKE THAT PEOPLE WOULD REMEMBER. BUT NO! 1734 01:03:13,824 --> 01:03:15,902 REMEMBER. BUT NO! YOU DON'T REMEMBER THAT? 1735 01:03:15,926 --> 01:03:17,237 BUT NO! YOU DON'T REMEMBER THAT? THE EARTH BLEW UP AND WAS 1736 01:03:17,261 --> 01:03:19,005 YOU DON'T REMEMBER THAT? THE EARTH BLEW UP AND WAS COMPLETELY DESTROYED? 1737 01:03:19,029 --> 01:03:20,706 THE EARTH BLEW UP AND WAS COMPLETELY DESTROYED? AND WE ESCAPED TO THIS PLANET ON 1738 01:03:20,730 --> 01:03:23,743 COMPLETELY DESTROYED? AND WE ESCAPED TO THIS PLANET ON THE GIANT SPACE ARK? 1739 01:03:23,767 --> 01:03:26,345 AND WE ESCAPED TO THIS PLANET ON THE GIANT SPACE ARK? WHERE HAVE YOU PEOPLE BEEN? 1740 01:03:26,369 --> 01:03:27,747 THE GIANT SPACE ARK? WHERE HAVE YOU PEOPLE BEEN? AND THE GOVERNMENT DECIDED NOT 1741 01:03:27,771 --> 01:03:29,015 WHERE HAVE YOU PEOPLE BEEN? AND THE GOVERNMENT DECIDED NOT TO TELL THE STUPIDER PEOPLE 1742 01:03:29,039 --> 01:03:30,316 AND THE GOVERNMENT DECIDED NOT TO TELL THE STUPIDER PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT THAT IT 1743 01:03:30,340 --> 01:03:34,220 TO TELL THE STUPIDER PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT THAT IT MIGHT AFFECT... 1744 01:03:34,244 --> 01:03:35,655 BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT THAT IT MIGHT AFFECT... OH, OKAY! 1745 01:03:35,679 --> 01:03:37,623 MIGHT AFFECT... OH, OKAY! UH... 1746 01:03:37,647 --> 01:03:40,559 OH, OKAY! UH... LET'S MOVE ON. 1747 01:03:40,583 --> 01:03:42,561 UH... LET'S MOVE ON. IF I DO LOOK A LITTLE DEPRESSED 1748 01:03:42,585 --> 01:03:44,563 LET'S MOVE ON. IF I DO LOOK A LITTLE DEPRESSED TONIGHT, I GUESS I GET A LITTLE 1749 01:03:44,587 --> 01:03:46,299 IF I DO LOOK A LITTLE DEPRESSED TONIGHT, I GUESS I GET A LITTLE SENTIMENTAL EVERY TIME THE 1750 01:03:46,323 --> 01:03:48,301 TONIGHT, I GUESS I GET A LITTLE SENTIMENTAL EVERY TIME THE BICENTENNIAL YEAR ROLLS AROUND. 1751 01:03:48,325 --> 01:03:51,671 SENTIMENTAL EVERY TIME THE BICENTENNIAL YEAR ROLLS AROUND. AND, UM, I GOT ANOTHER MONTH 1752 01:03:51,695 --> 01:03:53,006 BICENTENNIAL YEAR ROLLS AROUND. AND, UM, I GOT ANOTHER MONTH AND A HALF ON THAT JOKE. 1753 01:03:53,030 --> 01:03:54,740 AND, UM, I GOT ANOTHER MONTH AND A HALF ON THAT JOKE. I'M GONNA USE IT EVERY CHANCE I 1754 01:03:54,764 --> 01:03:55,175 AND A HALF ON THAT JOKE. I'M GONNA USE IT EVERY CHANCE I GET. 1755 01:03:55,199 --> 01:03:56,843 I'M GONNA USE IT EVERY CHANCE I GET. ACTUALLY I'M KIND OF... I DON'T 1756 01:03:56,867 --> 01:03:58,377 GET. ACTUALLY I'M KIND OF... I DON'T KNOW... I'M KIND OF THINKING 1757 01:03:58,401 --> 01:03:59,813 ACTUALLY I'M KIND OF... I DON'T KNOW... I'M KIND OF THINKING ABOUT MY OLD GIRLFRIEND, I 1758 01:03:59,837 --> 01:04:01,014 KNOW... I'M KIND OF THINKING ABOUT MY OLD GIRLFRIEND, I GUESS. 1759 01:04:01,038 --> 01:04:02,648 ABOUT MY OLD GIRLFRIEND, I GUESS. SORRY. 1760 01:04:02,672 --> 01:04:04,050 GUESS. SORRY. IT'S JUST THAT I USED TO TRAVEL 1761 01:04:04,074 --> 01:04:05,351 SORRY. IT'S JUST THAT I USED TO TRAVEL AROUND AND I'D BE PERFORMING, 1762 01:04:05,375 --> 01:04:06,652 IT'S JUST THAT I USED TO TRAVEL AROUND AND I'D BE PERFORMING, AND I COULD KIND OF HEAR HER 1763 01:04:06,676 --> 01:04:07,753 AROUND AND I'D BE PERFORMING, AND I COULD KIND OF HEAR HER LAUGH IN THE BACK. 1764 01:04:07,777 --> 01:04:09,122 AND I COULD KIND OF HEAR HER LAUGH IN THE BACK. IT'D MEAN SOMETHING TO ME. 1765 01:04:09,146 --> 01:04:11,357 LAUGH IN THE BACK. IT'D MEAN SOMETHING TO ME. AND I'M SORRY. 1766 01:04:11,381 --> 01:04:12,358 IT'D MEAN SOMETHING TO ME. AND I'M SORRY. YOU KNOW HOW IT IS. 1767 01:04:12,382 --> 01:04:13,626 AND I'M SORRY. YOU KNOW HOW IT IS. WE WERE TOGETHER ABOUT THREE 1768 01:04:13,650 --> 01:04:16,830 YOU KNOW HOW IT IS. WE WERE TOGETHER ABOUT THREE YEARS, AND SHE'S NOT LIVING 1769 01:04:16,854 --> 01:04:18,764 WE WERE TOGETHER ABOUT THREE YEARS, AND SHE'S NOT LIVING ANYMORE, SO I KIND OF... 1770 01:04:18,788 --> 01:04:21,167 YEARS, AND SHE'S NOT LIVING ANYMORE, SO I KIND OF... [LAUGHTER] 1771 01:04:21,191 --> 01:04:23,102 ANYMORE, SO I KIND OF... [LAUGHTER] YOU LAUGH? 1772 01:04:23,126 --> 01:04:24,403 [LAUGHTER] YOU LAUGH? AND I GUESS I KIND OF BLAME 1773 01:04:24,427 --> 01:04:25,504 YOU LAUGH? AND I GUESS I KIND OF BLAME MYSELF FOR HER DEATH. 1774 01:04:25,528 --> 01:04:26,906 AND I GUESS I KIND OF BLAME MYSELF FOR HER DEATH. WE WERE AT A PARTY ONE NIGHT, 1775 01:04:26,930 --> 01:04:28,274 MYSELF FOR HER DEATH. WE WERE AT A PARTY ONE NIGHT, AND WE WEREN'T GETTING ALONG, 1776 01:04:28,298 --> 01:04:29,675 WE WERE AT A PARTY ONE NIGHT, AND WE WEREN'T GETTING ALONG, AND WE WERE FIGHTING, AND SHE 1777 01:04:29,699 --> 01:04:30,509 AND WE WEREN'T GETTING ALONG, AND WE WERE FIGHTING, AND SHE BEGAN TO DRINK. 1778 01:04:30,533 --> 01:04:31,911 AND WE WERE FIGHTING, AND SHE BEGAN TO DRINK. AND I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW MUCH 1779 01:04:31,935 --> 01:04:32,946 BEGAN TO DRINK. AND I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW MUCH SHE'D BEEN DRINKING. 1780 01:04:32,970 --> 01:04:34,080 AND I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW MUCH SHE'D BEEN DRINKING. SHE RAN OUT TO THE CAR. 1781 01:04:34,104 --> 01:04:35,581 SHE'D BEEN DRINKING. SHE RAN OUT TO THE CAR. SHE ASKED ME TO DRIVE HER HOME, 1782 01:04:35,605 --> 01:04:36,649 SHE RAN OUT TO THE CAR. SHE ASKED ME TO DRIVE HER HOME, AND I DIDN'T WANT TO. 1783 01:04:36,673 --> 01:04:37,951 SHE ASKED ME TO DRIVE HER HOME, AND I DIDN'T WANT TO. I REFUSED. 1784 01:04:37,975 --> 01:04:39,085 AND I DIDN'T WANT TO. I REFUSED. SHE ASKED ME ONE MORE TIME, 1785 01:04:39,109 --> 01:04:40,320 I REFUSED. SHE ASKED ME ONE MORE TIME, "WOULD YOU PLEASE DRIVE ME 1786 01:04:40,344 --> 01:04:41,721 SHE ASKED ME ONE MORE TIME, "WOULD YOU PLEASE DRIVE ME HOME?" 1787 01:04:41,745 --> 01:04:42,922 "WOULD YOU PLEASE DRIVE ME HOME?" I DIDN'T WANT TO... 1788 01:04:42,946 --> 01:04:44,557 HOME?" I DIDN'T WANT TO... SO I SHOT HER. 1789 01:04:44,581 --> 01:04:47,227 I DIDN'T WANT TO... SO I SHOT HER. [LAUGHTER] 1790 01:04:47,251 --> 01:04:48,928 SO I SHOT HER. [LAUGHTER] OKAY, FOLKS, I THINK THAT ABOUT 1791 01:04:48,952 --> 01:04:49,528 [LAUGHTER] OKAY, FOLKS, I THINK THAT ABOUT DOES IT. 1792 01:04:49,552 --> 01:04:51,197 OKAY, FOLKS, I THINK THAT ABOUT DOES IT. WE'VE HAD A GOOD TIME TONIGHT, 1793 01:04:51,221 --> 01:04:52,899 DOES IT. WE'VE HAD A GOOD TIME TONIGHT, CONSIDERING WE'RE ALL GOING TO 1794 01:04:52,923 --> 01:04:54,433 WE'VE HAD A GOOD TIME TONIGHT, CONSIDERING WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE, AND ARE WE GONNA GO TO 1795 01:04:54,457 --> 01:04:56,135 CONSIDERING WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE, AND ARE WE GONNA GO TO COMMERCIAL NOW, OR... WE'LL GO 1796 01:04:56,159 --> 01:04:57,737 DIE, AND ARE WE GONNA GO TO COMMERCIAL NOW, OR... WE'LL GO TO COMMERCIAL AND WE'LL COME 1797 01:04:57,761 --> 01:04:58,437 COMMERCIAL NOW, OR... WE'LL GO TO COMMERCIAL AND WE'LL COME RIGHT BACK. 1798 01:04:58,461 --> 01:04:59,239 TO COMMERCIAL AND WE'LL COME RIGHT BACK. THANKS A LOT. 1799 01:04:59,263 --> 01:05:01,997 RIGHT BACK. THANKS A LOT. [APPLAUSE] 1800 01:05:07,703 --> 01:05:15,703 HEY, WE HAD A GOOD TIME TONIGHT! THANKS A LOT. NEXT WEEK, IT'S BUCK HENRY AND 1801 01:05:15,879 --> 01:05:17,223 THANKS A LOT. NEXT WEEK, IT'S BUCK HENRY AND A BAND. 1802 01:05:17,247 --> 01:05:18,258 NEXT WEEK, IT'S BUCK HENRY AND A BAND. OH, THE BAND. 1803 01:05:18,282 --> 01:05:19,525 A BAND. OH, THE BAND. BIG ROUND FOR OUR CAST. 1804 01:05:19,549 --> 01:05:21,027 OH, THE BAND. BIG ROUND FOR OUR CAST. I'LL SEE YOU AT THE TUPELO NEXT 1805 01:05:21,051 --> 01:05:21,961 BIG ROUND FOR OUR CAST. I'LL SEE YOU AT THE TUPELO NEXT WEEK. 1806 01:05:21,985 --> 01:05:23,662 I'LL SEE YOU AT THE TUPELO NEXT WEEK. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 1807 01:05:23,686 --> 01:05:25,298 WEEK. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. AND I'D LIKE TO THANK EVERYONE. 1808 01:05:25,322 --> 01:05:27,066 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. AND I'D LIKE TO THANK EVERYONE. WE HAD A WONDERFUL TIME! 1809 01:05:27,090 --> 01:05:30,258 AND I'D LIKE TO THANK EVERYONE. WE HAD A WONDERFUL TIME! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1810 01:05:44,873 --> 01:05:46,308 Announcer: NEXT SATURDAY 1811 01:05:46,442 --> 01:05:47,708 NIGHT, OUR HOST WILL BE 1812 01:05:47,843 --> 01:05:49,277 BUCK HENRY WITH HIS MUSICAL 1813 01:05:49,412 --> 01:05:50,946 GUEST, THE BAND. 1814 01:05:51,080 --> 01:05:52,247 WHILE WE HAVE TIME, I'M GONNA 1815 01:05:52,381 --> 01:05:53,648 SAY MY NAME 10 TIMES REAL FAST, 1816 01:05:53,782 --> 01:05:54,349 OKAY? 1817 01:05:54,483 --> 01:05:56,284 DON PARDO. DON PARDO. DON PARDO. 1818 01:05:56,419 --> 01:05:57,852 DON PARDO. DON PARDO. DON PARDO. 1819 01:05:57,987 --> 01:05:59,454 DON PARDO. DON PARDO. DON PARDO. 1820 01:05:59,588 --> 01:06:00,388 DON PARDO! 1821 01:06:00,522 --> 01:06:01,990 VERY GOOD! 1822 01:06:02,124 --> 01:06:03,691 THIS IS RON DARPO SAYING GOOD 1823 01:06:03,826 --> 01:06:05,626 NIGHT. 187500

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