Original subtitles

♪ TAKE THAT RIBBON FROM YOUR HAIR ♪ [APPLAUSE]

HAIR ♪ [APPLAUSE] ♪ SHAKE IT LOOSE ♪

[APPLAUSE] ♪ SHAKE IT LOOSE ♪ ♪ LET IT FALL ♪

♪ SHAKE IT LOOSE ♪ ♪ LET IT FALL ♪ ♪ LAYING SOFT AGAINST MY SKIN ♪

♪ LET IT FALL ♪ ♪ LAYING SOFT AGAINST MY SKIN ♪ ♪ LIKE THE SHADOWS ON THE WALL ♪

♪ LAYING SOFT AGAINST MY SKIN ♪ ♪ LIKE THE SHADOWS ON THE WALL ♪ ♪ COME AND LAY DOWN BY MY SIDE ♪

♪ LIKE THE SHADOWS ON THE WALL ♪ ♪ COME AND LAY DOWN BY MY SIDE ♪ ♪ OOH ♪

♪ COME AND LAY DOWN BY MY SIDE ♪ ♪ OOH ♪ ♪ TILL THE EARLY MORNING

♪ OOH ♪ ♪ TILL THE EARLY MORNING LIGHT ♪

♪ TILL THE EARLY MORNING LIGHT ♪ ♪ OOOOOOH ♪

LIGHT ♪ ♪ OOOOOOH ♪ ♪ ALL I'M TAKING IS YOUR

♪ OOOOOOH ♪ ♪ ALL I'M TAKING IS YOUR TIME ♪

♪ ALL I'M TAKING IS YOUR TIME ♪ ♪ OOOOOOH ♪

TIME ♪ ♪ OOOOOOH ♪ ♪ HELP ME MAKE IT THROUGH

♪ OOOOOOH ♪ ♪ HELP ME MAKE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT ♪

♪ HELP ME MAKE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT ♪ ♪ AHHHHHH ♪

THE NIGHT ♪ ♪ AHHHHHH ♪ ♪ I DON'T CARE WHAT'S RIGHT

♪ AHHHHHH ♪ ♪ I DON'T CARE WHAT'S RIGHT OR WRONG ♪

♪ I DON'T CARE WHAT'S RIGHT OR WRONG ♪ ♪ AHHHHHH ♪

OR WRONG ♪ ♪ AHHHHHH ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪

♪ AHHHHHH ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪ ♪ I DON'T TRY TO UNDERSTAND ♪

♪ YEAH ♪ ♪ I DON'T TRY TO UNDERSTAND ♪ ♪ NOT ME, NO ♪

♪ I DON'T TRY TO UNDERSTAND ♪ ♪ NOT ME, NO ♪ ♪ LET THE DEVIL TAKE TOMORROW ♪

♪ NOT ME, NO ♪ ♪ LET THE DEVIL TAKE TOMORROW ♪ ♪ AHHHHHH ♪

♪ LET THE DEVIL TAKE TOMORROW ♪ ♪ AHHHHHH ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE TONIGHT I NEED A

♪ AHHHHHH ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE TONIGHT I NEED A FRIEND ♪

♪ 'CAUSE TONIGHT I NEED A FRIEND ♪ ♪ AHHHHHH ♪

FRIEND ♪ ♪ AHHHHHH ♪ ♪ YESTERDAY IS DEAD AND

♪ AHHHHHH ♪ ♪ YESTERDAY IS DEAD AND GONE ♪

♪ YESTERDAY IS DEAD AND GONE ♪ ♪ OOOOOOH ♪

GONE ♪ ♪ OOOOOOH ♪ ♪ AND TOMORROW'S OUT OF

♪ OOOOOOH ♪ ♪ AND TOMORROW'S OUT OF SIGHT ♪

♪ AND TOMORROW'S OUT OF SIGHT ♪ ♪ OOOOOOH, OOH-OOH ♪

SIGHT ♪ ♪ OOOOOOH, OOH-OOH ♪ ♪ AND IT'S SAD TO SLEEP

♪ OOOOOOH, OOH-OOH ♪ ♪ AND IT'S SAD TO SLEEP ALONE ♪

♪ AND IT'S SAD TO SLEEP ALONE ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪

ALONE ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪ ♪ HELP ME MAKE IT THROUGH

♪ YEAH ♪ ♪ HELP ME MAKE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT ♪

♪ HELP ME MAKE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT ♪ ♪ AHHHHHH ♪

THE NIGHT ♪ ♪ AHHHHHH ♪ ♪ GOD KNOWS IT'S

♪ AHHHHHH ♪ ♪ GOD KNOWS IT'S EMBARRASSING ♪

♪ GOD KNOWS IT'S EMBARRASSING ♪ ♪ OOOOOOH ♪

EMBARRASSING ♪ ♪ OOOOOOH ♪ ♪ HELP HIM MAKE IT THROUGH

♪ OOOOOOH ♪ ♪ HELP HIM MAKE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT ♪

♪ HELP HIM MAKE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT ♪ ♪ AHHHHHH ♪

LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"! [BAND PLAYS]

Announcer: STARRING...

WITH HIS GUEST...

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, KRIS KRISTOFFERSON. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HEY. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE.

THANK YOU. IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE. WE'VE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO

IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE. WE'VE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO WORKING WITH THESE WACKOS FOR

WE'VE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO WORKING WITH THESE WACKOS FOR QUITE A WHILE.

WORKING WITH THESE WACKOS FOR QUITE A WHILE. WE DON'T GET TO DO ALL THAT MUCH

QUITE A WHILE. WE DON'T GET TO DO ALL THAT MUCH TELEVISION, SO IT'S PRETTY

WE DON'T GET TO DO ALL THAT MUCH TELEVISION, SO IT'S PRETTY EXCITING FOR ALL OF US.

TELEVISION, SO IT'S PRETTY EXCITING FOR ALL OF US. AND I KNOW RITA'S BEEN DYING TO

EXCITING FOR ALL OF US. AND I KNOW RITA'S BEEN DYING TO MEET CHEVY.

AND I KNOW RITA'S BEEN DYING TO MEET CHEVY. USUALLY AT THIS POINT IN THE

MEET CHEVY. USUALLY AT THIS POINT IN THE SHOW HERE IS WHERE THEY LET THE

USUALLY AT THIS POINT IN THE SHOW HERE IS WHERE THEY LET THE HOST, UH... JAR THE AUDIENCE,

SHOW HERE IS WHERE THEY LET THE HOST, UH... JAR THE AUDIENCE, SPAR WITH THEM, AND SET SOME

HOST, UH... JAR THE AUDIENCE, SPAR WITH THEM, AND SET SOME KIND OF AN ATMOSPHERE FOR THE

SPAR WITH THEM, AND SET SOME KIND OF AN ATMOSPHERE FOR THE REST OF THE SHOW.

KIND OF AN ATMOSPHERE FOR THE REST OF THE SHOW. THEY DIDN'T THINK I COULD DO

REST OF THE SHOW. THEY DIDN'T THINK I COULD DO THIS.

THEY DIDN'T THINK I COULD DO THIS. ALSO, THEY HAVE BEEN GETTING IN

THIS. ALSO, THEY HAVE BEEN GETTING IN TROUBLE LATELY.

ALSO, THEY HAVE BEEN GETTING IN TROUBLE LATELY. THIS HAS A LITTLE CONTROVERSY ON

TROUBLE LATELY. THIS HAS A LITTLE CONTROVERSY ON IT EVERY NOW AND THEN.

THIS HAS A LITTLE CONTROVERSY ON IT EVERY NOW AND THEN. AND AS A RESULT OF SOMETHING

IT EVERY NOW AND THEN. AND AS A RESULT OF SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED RECENTLY, SOME

AND AS A RESULT OF SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED RECENTLY, SOME EQUAL TIME'S BEEN DEMANDED FOR

THAT HAPPENED RECENTLY, SOME EQUAL TIME'S BEEN DEMANDED FOR THIS FOLLOWING INDIVIDUAL.

EQUAL TIME'S BEEN DEMANDED FOR THIS FOLLOWING INDIVIDUAL. AND, UH... YOU SEE WHY THEY

THIS FOLLOWING INDIVIDUAL. AND, UH... YOU SEE WHY THEY DIDN'T LET ME DO THE MONOLOGUE?

AND, UH... YOU SEE WHY THEY DIDN'T LET ME DO THE MONOLOGUE? SO, HERE SHE IS, AND WE'LL BE

DIDN'T LET ME DO THE MONOLOGUE? SO, HERE SHE IS, AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER SHE HAS HER

SO, HERE SHE IS, AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER SHE HAS HER SAY.

THANK YOU, MR. KRISTOFFERSON. HELLO. MY NAME IS SHERRY NORWALK, AND I

HELLO. MY NAME IS SHERRY NORWALK, AND I GOT SPECIAL PERMISSION FROM

MY NAME IS SHERRY NORWALK, AND I GOT SPECIAL PERMISSION FROM THE FCC... THAT'S THE

GOT SPECIAL PERMISSION FROM THE FCC... THAT'S THE FEDERAL COMMUNICATIONS CLUB...

THE FCC... THAT'S THE FEDERAL COMMUNICATIONS CLUB... TO COME ON TELEVISION AND TELL

FEDERAL COMMUNICATIONS CLUB... TO COME ON TELEVISION AND TELL MY STORY.

TO COME ON TELEVISION AND TELL MY STORY. OKAY, LAST OCTOBER, I WENT UP TO

MY STORY. OKAY, LAST OCTOBER, I WENT UP TO THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" OFFICES

OKAY, LAST OCTOBER, I WENT UP TO THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" OFFICES 'CAUSE I THINK THE SHOW IS

THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" OFFICES 'CAUSE I THINK THE SHOW IS REALLY BOSS, AND I WANTED

'CAUSE I THINK THE SHOW IS REALLY BOSS, AND I WANTED TICKETS.

REALLY BOSS, AND I WANTED TICKETS. WELL, THEY WERE OUT OF TICKETS.

TICKETS. WELL, THEY WERE OUT OF TICKETS. BUT AS I WAS LEAVING,

WELL, THEY WERE OUT OF TICKETS. BUT AS I WAS LEAVING, DAVE WILSON, THE DIRECTOR, SAID

BUT AS I WAS LEAVING, DAVE WILSON, THE DIRECTOR, SAID I HAD A BITCHING BOD, AND WOULD

DAVE WILSON, THE DIRECTOR, SAID I HAD A BITCHING BOD, AND WOULD I LIKE TO COME UP AND SPEND THE

I HAD A BITCHING BOD, AND WOULD I LIKE TO COME UP AND SPEND THE WEEKEND WITH HIM UP IN

I LIKE TO COME UP AND SPEND THE WEEKEND WITH HIM UP IN PARSIPPANY, NEW JERSEY,

WEEKEND WITH HIM UP IN PARSIPPANY, NEW JERSEY, 'CAUSE HIS WIFE WAS DEAD?

PARSIPPANY, NEW JERSEY, 'CAUSE HIS WIFE WAS DEAD? SO I WENT UP, AND IT WAS REALLY

'CAUSE HIS WIFE WAS DEAD? SO I WENT UP, AND IT WAS REALLY GREAT AND EVERYTHING, EXCEPT HIS

SO I WENT UP, AND IT WAS REALLY GREAT AND EVERYTHING, EXCEPT HIS WIFE WASN'T REALLY DEAD.

GREAT AND EVERYTHING, EXCEPT HIS WIFE WASN'T REALLY DEAD. SHE'D JUST GONE SHOPPING.

WIFE WASN'T REALLY DEAD. SHE'D JUST GONE SHOPPING. GOD, CREATIVE PEOPLE CAN BE SO

SHE'D JUST GONE SHOPPING. GOD, CREATIVE PEOPLE CAN BE SO FORGETFUL.

GOD, CREATIVE PEOPLE CAN BE SO FORGETFUL. ANYWAYS, I GOT THIS PHONE CALL

FORGETFUL. ANYWAYS, I GOT THIS PHONE CALL FROM THE SHOW THE NEXT DAY, AND

ANYWAYS, I GOT THIS PHONE CALL FROM THE SHOW THE NEXT DAY, AND THEY SAID THAT DAVE HAD

FROM THE SHOW THE NEXT DAY, AND THEY SAID THAT DAVE HAD RECOMMENDED ME FOR A JOB AS A

THEY SAID THAT DAVE HAD RECOMMENDED ME FOR A JOB AS A SECRETARY FOR $14,400 A YEAR.

RECOMMENDED ME FOR A JOB AS A SECRETARY FOR $14,400 A YEAR. AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN MIND THAT I

SECRETARY FOR $14,400 A YEAR. AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN MIND THAT I COULDN'T TYPE OR FILE OR DO

AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN MIND THAT I COULDN'T TYPE OR FILE OR DO SHORTHAND.

COULDN'T TYPE OR FILE OR DO SHORTHAND. SO, THEY TOLD ME I WAS GONNA DO

SHORTHAND. SO, THEY TOLD ME I WAS GONNA DO LIGHT SECRETARIAL WORK AND MAYBE

SO, THEY TOLD ME I WAS GONNA DO LIGHT SECRETARIAL WORK AND MAYBE HELP THE WRITERS OUT IF I COULD

LIGHT SECRETARIAL WORK AND MAYBE HELP THE WRITERS OUT IF I COULD SOMETIMES.

HELP THE WRITERS OUT IF I COULD SOMETIMES. AND I DID THAT.

SOMETIMES. AND I DID THAT. LIKE, ALAN ZWEIBEL... HE'S THIS

AND I DID THAT. LIKE, ALAN ZWEIBEL... HE'S THIS BIG JEWISH WRITER.

LIKE, ALAN ZWEIBEL... HE'S THIS BIG JEWISH WRITER. WELL, HE WAS REALLY WEIRD, MAN.

BIG JEWISH WRITER. WELL, HE WAS REALLY WEIRD, MAN. HE MADE ME FEEL REALLY GUILTY

WELL, HE WAS REALLY WEIRD, MAN. HE MADE ME FEEL REALLY GUILTY ABOUT THE WAY HIS PEOPLE

HE MADE ME FEEL REALLY GUILTY ABOUT THE WAY HIS PEOPLE SUFFERED IN EGYPT.

ABOUT THE WAY HIS PEOPLE SUFFERED IN EGYPT. SO, HE'D GET UNDRESSED AND HAVE

SUFFERED IN EGYPT. SO, HE'D GET UNDRESSED AND HAVE ME SING "GO DOWN, MOSES."

SO, HE'D GET UNDRESSED AND HAVE ME SING "GO DOWN, MOSES." IT GOT STRANGER, MAN.

ME SING "GO DOWN, MOSES." IT GOT STRANGER, MAN. I'M NOT KIDDING.

IT GOT STRANGER, MAN. I'M NOT KIDDING. LIKE, DID YOU KNOW SOME COMEDY

I'M NOT KIDDING. LIKE, DID YOU KNOW SOME COMEDY WRITERS DON'T LIKE TO WORK

LIKE, DID YOU KNOW SOME COMEDY WRITERS DON'T LIKE TO WORK IN THE OFFICE?

WRITERS DON'T LIKE TO WORK IN THE OFFICE? THEY WORK AT HOME AND AT NIGHT.

IN THE OFFICE? THEY WORK AT HOME AND AT NIGHT. AND THEY DON'T WRITE THINGS

THEY WORK AT HOME AND AT NIGHT. AND THEY DON'T WRITE THINGS DOWN.

AND THEY DON'T WRITE THINGS DOWN. THEY ACT THEM OUT FIRST.

DOWN. THEY ACT THEM OUT FIRST. LIKE, TOM SCHILLER ASKED ME TO

THEY ACT THEM OUT FIRST. LIKE, TOM SCHILLER ASKED ME TO ACT OUT A SCENE WITH HIM IN HIS

LIKE, TOM SCHILLER ASKED ME TO ACT OUT A SCENE WITH HIM IN HIS APARTMENT.

ACT OUT A SCENE WITH HIM IN HIS APARTMENT. THEN HE CALLED TWO OTHER

APARTMENT. THEN HE CALLED TWO OTHER WRITERS, TOM DAVIS AND

THEN HE CALLED TWO OTHER WRITERS, TOM DAVIS AND AL FRANKEN, 'CAUSE HE SAID HE

WRITERS, TOM DAVIS AND AL FRANKEN, 'CAUSE HE SAID HE WAS HAVING TROUBLE WITH HIS

AL FRANKEN, 'CAUSE HE SAID HE WAS HAVING TROUBLE WITH HIS INSPIRATION.

WAS HAVING TROUBLE WITH HIS INSPIRATION. SO, THEY CAME OVER, AND WE ALL

INSPIRATION. SO, THEY CAME OVER, AND WE ALL ACTED OUT THIS SCENE, EXCEPT IT

SO, THEY CAME OVER, AND WE ALL ACTED OUT THIS SCENE, EXCEPT IT WASN'T IN THE SHOW... WHICH I

ACTED OUT THIS SCENE, EXCEPT IT WASN'T IN THE SHOW... WHICH I THOUGHT WAS REALLY WEIRD.

WASN'T IN THE SHOW... WHICH I THOUGHT WAS REALLY WEIRD. AND AFTER A WHILE, IT GOT EVEN

THOUGHT WAS REALLY WEIRD. AND AFTER A WHILE, IT GOT EVEN MORE DISGUSTING.

AND AFTER A WHILE, IT GOT EVEN MORE DISGUSTING. LIKE, MICHAEL O'DONOGHUE... HE

MORE DISGUSTING. LIKE, MICHAEL O'DONOGHUE... HE JUST COULDN'T FINISH WRITING THE

LIKE, MICHAEL O'DONOGHUE... HE JUST COULDN'T FINISH WRITING THE "STAR TREK" SKIT UNLESS I KEPT

JUST COULDN'T FINISH WRITING THE "STAR TREK" SKIT UNLESS I KEPT WHISPERING TO HIM THE WORDS,

"STAR TREK" SKIT UNLESS I KEPT WHISPERING TO HIM THE WORDS, "ROCKET SHIPS ARE OKAY, BUT YOUR

WHISPERING TO HIM THE WORDS, "ROCKET SHIPS ARE OKAY, BUT YOUR MUSCLE IS TREMENDOUS."

"ROCKET SHIPS ARE OKAY, BUT YOUR MUSCLE IS TREMENDOUS." IT WAS REALLY DISGUSTING.

MUSCLE IS TREMENDOUS." IT WAS REALLY DISGUSTING. AND THEN THERE WAS HERB SARGENT.

IT WAS REALLY DISGUSTING. AND THEN THERE WAS HERB SARGENT. HE'S THIS OLDER WRITER WITH

AND THEN THERE WAS HERB SARGENT. HE'S THIS OLDER WRITER WITH WHITE HAIR, AND HE WAS REALLY

HE'S THIS OLDER WRITER WITH WHITE HAIR, AND HE WAS REALLY LIKE A FATHER FIGURE... A REALLY

WHITE HAIR, AND HE WAS REALLY LIKE A FATHER FIGURE... A REALLY STRICT FATHER.

LIKE A FATHER FIGURE... A REALLY STRICT FATHER. LIKE, YOU KNOW, HE USED TO TAKE

STRICT FATHER. LIKE, YOU KNOW, HE USED TO TAKE HIS BELT AND TIE ME UP AND

LIKE, YOU KNOW, HE USED TO TAKE HIS BELT AND TIE ME UP AND SPANK ME.

HIS BELT AND TIE ME UP AND SPANK ME. AND I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING

SPANK ME. AND I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING WRONG.

AND I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING WRONG. ANYWAYS, THAT'S WHY I'VE WRITTEN

WRONG. ANYWAYS, THAT'S WHY I'VE WRITTEN THIS BOOK.

ANYWAYS, THAT'S WHY I'VE WRITTEN THIS BOOK. IT'S CALLED "I WAS NOT A SUCKER

THIS BOOK. IT'S CALLED "I WAS NOT A SUCKER FOR SATURDAY NIGHT," 'CAUSE I

IT'S CALLED "I WAS NOT A SUCKER FOR SATURDAY NIGHT," 'CAUSE I REALLY THINK THE PUBLIC HAS A

FOR SATURDAY NIGHT," 'CAUSE I REALLY THINK THE PUBLIC HAS A RIGHT TO KNOW.

REALLY THINK THE PUBLIC HAS A RIGHT TO KNOW. [TELEPHONE RINGS]

RIGHT TO KNOW. [TELEPHONE RINGS] "SATURDAY NIGHT."

[TELEPHONE RINGS] "SATURDAY NIGHT." YES, OKAY, I'LL BE RIGHT UP.

"SATURDAY NIGHT." YES, OKAY, I'LL BE RIGHT UP. I HAVE TO HELP CHEVY WRITE

YES, OKAY, I'LL BE RIGHT UP. I HAVE TO HELP CHEVY WRITE "UPDATE."

I HAVE TO HELP CHEVY WRITE "UPDATE." OKAY, LET'S SEE.

"UPDATE." OKAY, LET'S SEE. PAD, PENCIL... AND APPARATUS.

OKAY, LET'S SEE. PAD, PENCIL... AND APPARATUS. IT'S REALLY DISGUSTING.

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] [SHOUTS] [SHOUTS]

[SHOUTS] [SHOUTS] [SHOUTS]

[SHOUTS] [SHOUTS] Announcer: AND NOW ANOTHER

[SHOUTS] Announcer: AND NOW ANOTHER EPISODE OF...

HEY, I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW I APPRECIATE THIS. YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GET A

APPRECIATE THIS. YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GET A DOCTOR TO COME OUT AND WORK THIS

YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GET A DOCTOR TO COME OUT AND WORK THIS TIME OF NIGHT WHEN YOU'RE ON THE

DOCTOR TO COME OUT AND WORK THIS TIME OF NIGHT WHEN YOU'RE ON THE ROAD, YOU DON'T KNOW ANYBODY?

TIME OF NIGHT WHEN YOU'RE ON THE ROAD, YOU DON'T KNOW ANYBODY? HOLY MOLEY.

ROAD, YOU DON'T KNOW ANYBODY? HOLY MOLEY. [CHUCKLES]

HOLY MOLEY. [CHUCKLES] [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[CHUCKLES] [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] [SHOUTS]

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] [SHOUTS] SAME OLD STUFF.

[SHOUTS] SAME OLD STUFF. [SHOUTS]

SAME OLD STUFF. [SHOUTS] IT AIN'T LIKE I'M DYING, BUT

[SHOUTS] IT AIN'T LIKE I'M DYING, BUT I AIN'T GONNA LIVE, EITHER.

IT AIN'T LIKE I'M DYING, BUT I AIN'T GONNA LIVE, EITHER. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

I AIN'T GONNA LIVE, EITHER. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] I GOT MY OWN DOCTOR, BUT HE'S

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] I GOT MY OWN DOCTOR, BUT HE'S RUN OFF WITH A STRIPPER IN

I GOT MY OWN DOCTOR, BUT HE'S RUN OFF WITH A STRIPPER IN SHREVEPORT.

RUN OFF WITH A STRIPPER IN SHREVEPORT. [LAUGHS]

SHREVEPORT. [LAUGHS] [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[LAUGHS] [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] WELL, I HAD A FRIEND OF MINE

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] WELL, I HAD A FRIEND OF MINE WHO PUT ON A FEW POUNDS, YOU

WELL, I HAD A FRIEND OF MINE WHO PUT ON A FEW POUNDS, YOU KNOW, WITH ALL THAT SMOKING,

WHO PUT ON A FEW POUNDS, YOU KNOW, WITH ALL THAT SMOKING, DRINKING, AND HUMMA-HUMMA-ING.

KNOW, WITH ALL THAT SMOKING, DRINKING, AND HUMMA-HUMMA-ING. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

DRINKING, AND HUMMA-HUMMA-ING. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] UH-OH.

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] UH-OH. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

UH-OH. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] YOU EAT SOME STRANGE THINGS

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] YOU EAT SOME STRANGE THINGS ON THE ROAD.

YOU EAT SOME STRANGE THINGS ON THE ROAD. [SHOUTS]

ON THE ROAD. [SHOUTS] [SHOUTS]

[SHOUTS] [SHOUTS] [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

THANK GOD I WASN'T TOO TALL. WOW. YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

WOW. YOU KNOW SOMETHING? THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO

YOU KNOW SOMETHING? THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO ARE DOWN ON Y'ALL.

THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO ARE DOWN ON Y'ALL. YUP.

ARE DOWN ON Y'ALL. YUP. YOU MAKE TOO MUCH MONEY, I

YUP. YOU MAKE TOO MUCH MONEY, I KNOW.

YOU MAKE TOO MUCH MONEY, I KNOW. MM-HMM.

KNOW. MM-HMM. BUT I DON'T AGREE THAT YOU

MM-HMM. BUT I DON'T AGREE THAT YOU REALLY ARE SCREWING TOO MANY

BUT I DON'T AGREE THAT YOU REALLY ARE SCREWING TOO MANY PEOPLE OUT OF TOO MUCH.

REALLY ARE SCREWING TOO MANY PEOPLE OUT OF TOO MUCH. I THINK IT'S THE AMERICAN WAY OF

PEOPLE OUT OF TOO MUCH. I THINK IT'S THE AMERICAN WAY OF LIFE THAT YOU OUGHT TO GET WHAT

I THINK IT'S THE AMERICAN WAY OF LIFE THAT YOU OUGHT TO GET WHAT YOU DESERVE.

LIFE THAT YOU OUGHT TO GET WHAT YOU DESERVE. OOH, OOH.

YOU DESERVE. OOH, OOH. WHAT'S THAT?

OOH, OOH. WHAT'S THAT? [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

HUP! I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW'S A

I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW'S A REALLY GOOD REST, GET AWAY FROM

MAYBE WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW'S A REALLY GOOD REST, GET AWAY FROM IT ALL.

REALLY GOOD REST, GET AWAY FROM IT ALL. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

IT ALL. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] I'M TRYING TO QUIT.

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] I'M TRYING TO QUIT. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

I'M TRYING TO QUIT. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] I GET IT.

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] I GET IT. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

I GET IT. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] WEE-WEE, RIGHT?

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] WEE-WEE, RIGHT? [SHOUTS]

WEE-WEE, RIGHT? [SHOUTS] [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS. UH, THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO

THIS. UH, THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE.

UH, THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE. BUT ONCE IN ATLANTA IN A CROWDED

ME BEFORE. BUT ONCE IN ATLANTA IN A CROWDED TRAIN STATION...

BUT ONCE IN ATLANTA IN A CROWDED TRAIN STATION... [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

TRAIN STATION... [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] NO PROBLEM.

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] NO PROBLEM. NO PROBLEM.

NO PROBLEM. NO PROBLEM. I COULD ALWAYS TRY ONE MORE

NO PROBLEM. I COULD ALWAYS TRY ONE MORE TIME.

I COULD ALWAYS TRY ONE MORE TIME. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

TIME. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] [HUMMING]

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] [HUMMING] OH, HO-HO!

[HUMMING] OH, HO-HO! [SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

OH, HO-HO! [SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S A WONDER WHAT YOU CAN DO WHEN YOU'RE MOTIVATED.

WHAT YOU CAN DO WHEN YOU'RE MOTIVATED. I LEFT THAT TRASH IN THE BACK

MOTIVATED. I LEFT THAT TRASH IN THE BACK THERE, THOUGH.

I LEFT THAT TRASH IN THE BACK THERE, THOUGH. I KNOW YOU CAN'T REALLY KNOW THE

THERE, THOUGH. I KNOW YOU CAN'T REALLY KNOW THE RESULTS YET, BUT JUST YOUR

I KNOW YOU CAN'T REALLY KNOW THE RESULTS YET, BUT JUST YOUR GENERAL IMPRESSION... AM I GONNA

RESULTS YET, BUT JUST YOUR GENERAL IMPRESSION... AM I GONNA MAKE IT?

GENERAL IMPRESSION... AM I GONNA MAKE IT? [CHUCKLES]

MAKE IT? [CHUCKLES] [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[CHUCKLES] [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] I CAN TAKE IT STANDING UP.

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] I CAN TAKE IT STANDING UP. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

I CAN TAKE IT STANDING UP. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] I'VE BEEN MEANING TO GIVE UP.

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] I'VE BEEN MEANING TO GIVE UP. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

I'VE BEEN MEANING TO GIVE UP. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] IT DON'T MEAN NO MORE TO ME

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] IT DON'T MEAN NO MORE TO ME THAN ANYTHING ELSE.

IT DON'T MEAN NO MORE TO ME THAN ANYTHING ELSE. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

THAN ANYTHING ELSE. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] YEAH, YOU GOT THAT.

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] YEAH, YOU GOT THAT. BUT, YOU KNOW, THAT'S JUST ONLY

YEAH, YOU GOT THAT. BUT, YOU KNOW, THAT'S JUST ONLY HALF THE STORY.

BUT, YOU KNOW, THAT'S JUST ONLY HALF THE STORY. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

HALF THE STORY. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] WELL, I WAS SORT OF HOPING

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] WELL, I WAS SORT OF HOPING YOU'D GIVE ME A SCRIPT FOR

WELL, I WAS SORT OF HOPING YOU'D GIVE ME A SCRIPT FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

YOU'D GIVE ME A SCRIPT FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

SOMETHING DIFFERENT. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] AAH!

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] AAH! AN APPLE?

AAH! AN APPLE? [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

AN APPLE? [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] I COULDN'T EVEN FIND A WHOLE

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] I COULDN'T EVEN FIND A WHOLE APPLE ON THE ROAD A DAY.

I COULDN'T EVEN FIND A WHOLE APPLE ON THE ROAD A DAY. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

APPLE ON THE ROAD A DAY. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] [SHOUTS]

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] [SHOUTS] [HUMMING]

[SHOUTS] [HUMMING] [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[HUMMING] [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] I RECKON THAT HALF THAT WOULD

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] I RECKON THAT HALF THAT WOULD BE TOO MUCH, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

I RECKON THAT HALF THAT WOULD BE TOO MUCH, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. BEST OF ALL, WOULD YOU JUST

BE TOO MUCH, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. BEST OF ALL, WOULD YOU JUST CONTACT MY ACCOUNTANT AND SEND

BEST OF ALL, WOULD YOU JUST CONTACT MY ACCOUNTANT AND SEND THE BILL?

CONTACT MY ACCOUNTANT AND SEND THE BILL? DON'T WORRY NO MORE ABOUT NO

THE BILL? DON'T WORRY NO MORE ABOUT NO APPLES OR NOTHING.

DON'T WORRY NO MORE ABOUT NO APPLES OR NOTHING. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

APPLES OR NOTHING. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] WAIT A MINUTE.

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] WAIT A MINUTE. THERE'S ONE MORE THING... IF YOU

WAIT A MINUTE. THERE'S ONE MORE THING... IF YOU COULD HELP ME OUT WITH, YOU

THERE'S ONE MORE THING... IF YOU COULD HELP ME OUT WITH, YOU KNOW, THIS DAMN KNOT.

COULD HELP ME OUT WITH, YOU KNOW, THIS DAMN KNOT. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

KNOW, THIS DAMN KNOT. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] HOW COME THEY BUILD THEM

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] HOW COME THEY BUILD THEM BACKWARDS?

HOW COME THEY BUILD THEM BACKWARDS? [LAUGHS]

BACKWARDS? [LAUGHS] [SHOUTS]

[LAUGHS] [SHOUTS] [SHOUTS]

[SHOUTS] [SHOUTS] [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[SHOUTS] [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] Announcer: TUNE IN NEXT WEEK

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] Announcer: TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR ANOTHER EPISODE OF...

Announcer: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, RITA COOLIDGE. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

GENTLEMEN, RITA COOLIDGE. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ SOMEWHERE IN THE

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ SOMEWHERE IN THE HIERARCHIES ♪

♪ SOMEWHERE IN THE HIERARCHIES ♪ ♪ MR. BIG PICKS UP HIS HORN ♪

HIERARCHIES ♪ ♪ MR. BIG PICKS UP HIS HORN ♪ ♪ FLOATS A NOTE DOWN TO THE

♪ MR. BIG PICKS UP HIS HORN ♪ ♪ FLOATS A NOTE DOWN TO THE LOWLANDS ♪

♪ FLOATS A NOTE DOWN TO THE LOWLANDS ♪ ♪ AND ANOTHER STAR IS BORN ♪

LOWLANDS ♪ ♪ AND ANOTHER STAR IS BORN ♪ ♪ THEN HE TURNS ANOTHER

♪ AND ANOTHER STAR IS BORN ♪ ♪ THEN HE TURNS ANOTHER BILLION ♪

♪ THEN HE TURNS ANOTHER BILLION ♪ ♪ AND HE DEALS A LITTLE PORN ♪

BILLION ♪ ♪ AND HE DEALS A LITTLE PORN ♪ ♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪

♪ AND HE DEALS A LITTLE PORN ♪ ♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪ ♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪

♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪ ♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪ ♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪

♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪ ♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪ ♪ I AIN'T NEVER BEEN TO

♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪ ♪ I AIN'T NEVER BEEN TO ART SCHOOL ♪

♪ I AIN'T NEVER BEEN TO ART SCHOOL ♪ ♪ BUT I KIND OF LIKE PICASSO ♪

ART SCHOOL ♪ ♪ BUT I KIND OF LIKE PICASSO ♪ ♪ ALL HIS WOMEN LOOK EGYPTIAN ♪

♪ BUT I KIND OF LIKE PICASSO ♪ ♪ ALL HIS WOMEN LOOK EGYPTIAN ♪ ♪ BUT THEN WHAT THE HELL DO

♪ ALL HIS WOMEN LOOK EGYPTIAN ♪ ♪ BUT THEN WHAT THE HELL DO I KNOW? ♪

♪ BUT THEN WHAT THE HELL DO I KNOW? ♪ ♪ HE'S A NUMBER-ONE ATTRACTION ♪

I KNOW? ♪ ♪ HE'S A NUMBER-ONE ATTRACTION ♪ ♪ LIKE A BOTTLE TO A WINO ♪

♪ HE'S A NUMBER-ONE ATTRACTION ♪ ♪ LIKE A BOTTLE TO A WINO ♪ ♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪

♪ LIKE A BOTTLE TO A WINO ♪ ♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪ ♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪

♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪ ♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪ ♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪

♪ IF YOU'RE BOUND TO BE A BIG STAR ♪ ♪ THEN YOU BETTER DO IT RIGHT ♪

STAR ♪ ♪ THEN YOU BETTER DO IT RIGHT ♪ ♪ GOT TO GET YOURSELF A

♪ THEN YOU BETTER DO IT RIGHT ♪ ♪ GOT TO GET YOURSELF A PATENT ♪

♪ GOT TO GET YOURSELF A PATENT ♪ ♪ AND A HEALTHY APPETITE ♪

PATENT ♪ ♪ AND A HEALTHY APPETITE ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪

♪ AND A HEALTHY APPETITE ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪ ♪ FOR SOME OVERPAID ATTENTION ♪

♪ YEAH ♪ ♪ FOR SOME OVERPAID ATTENTION ♪ ♪ AND A LOT OF NEON LIGHTS ♪

♪ FOR SOME OVERPAID ATTENTION ♪ ♪ AND A LOT OF NEON LIGHTS ♪ ♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪

♪ AND A LOT OF NEON LIGHTS ♪ ♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪ ♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪

♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪ ♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪ ♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪

♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪ ♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪ ♪ SOMEWHERE IN THE HIERARCHIES ♪

♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪ ♪ SOMEWHERE IN THE HIERARCHIES ♪ ♪ MR. BIG PICKS UP HIS HORN ♪

♪ SOMEWHERE IN THE HIERARCHIES ♪ ♪ MR. BIG PICKS UP HIS HORN ♪ ♪ FLOATS A NOTE DOWN TO THE

♪ MR. BIG PICKS UP HIS HORN ♪ ♪ FLOATS A NOTE DOWN TO THE LOWLANDS ♪

♪ FLOATS A NOTE DOWN TO THE LOWLANDS ♪ ♪ AND ANOTHER STAR IS BORN ♪

LOWLANDS ♪ ♪ AND ANOTHER STAR IS BORN ♪ ♪ THEN HE TURNS ANOTHER

♪ AND ANOTHER STAR IS BORN ♪ ♪ THEN HE TURNS ANOTHER BILLION ♪

♪ THEN HE TURNS ANOTHER BILLION ♪ ♪ AND HE DEALS A LITTLE PORN ♪

BILLION ♪ ♪ AND HE DEALS A LITTLE PORN ♪ ♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪

♪ AND HE DEALS A LITTLE PORN ♪ ♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪ ♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪

♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪ ♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪ ♪ HOO-HOOLA HOOP ♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[APPLAUSE]

HELLO, I'M JESSE OWENS, HERE

TO MAKE YOU AN OFFER OF LASTING

VALUE.

FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY, THE

AMERICAN OLYMPIC COMMITTEE

TOGETHER WITH THE GOVERNMENT OF

CANADA ARE OFFERING THESE

BEAUTIFUL OLYMPIC MEDALLIONS,

COMMEMORATING SOME OF THE LAST

OF A DYING BREED... THE GREAT

WHITE ATHLETE.

FOR ONLY $45, YOU CAN OWN THE

ENTIRE SET WITH WHITE HEROES

OF HOCKEY, SWIMMING, AND

SPEAR CHUCKING... UM...

I MEAN JAVELIN THROW.

HURRY AND SEND IN NOW WHILE THEY

LAST, HONKY.

Announcer: THAT'S...

[BUZZER]

HELLO. YES? YES, PLEASE.

YES? DID YOU BUZZ? HELLO?

DID YOU BUZZ? HELLO? EXCUSE ME, MR. PRESIDENT.

HELLO? EXCUSE ME, MR. PRESIDENT. MR. FRANK WADE, THE UNCOMMITTED

EXCUSE ME, MR. PRESIDENT. MR. FRANK WADE, THE UNCOMMITTED DELEGATE FROM MISSISSIPPI, IS

MR. FRANK WADE, THE UNCOMMITTED DELEGATE FROM MISSISSIPPI, IS HERE.

DELEGATE FROM MISSISSIPPI, IS HERE. SEND HIM IN RIGHT AWAY

HERE. SEND HIM IN RIGHT AWAY PLEASE.

HELLO THERE, FRANK. MAY I CALL YOU "MR. WADE"? SURE CAN, JERRY.

MAY I CALL YOU "MR. WADE"? SURE CAN, JERRY. [CHUCKLES]

SURE CAN, JERRY. [CHUCKLES] CALL ME "MR. PRESIDENT."

[CHUCKLES] CALL ME "MR. PRESIDENT." DON'T BE SILLY.

CALL ME "MR. PRESIDENT." DON'T BE SILLY. YES, SIR, MR. PRESIDENT.

DON'T BE SILLY. YES, SIR, MR. PRESIDENT. "JERRY" IS FINE.

YES, SIR, MR. PRESIDENT. "JERRY" IS FINE. SIT DOWN, FRANK.

"JERRY" IS FINE. SIT DOWN, FRANK. THANK YOU, JERRY, SIR.

SIT DOWN, FRANK. THANK YOU, JERRY, SIR. NOW, UH, JERRY?

THANK YOU, JERRY, SIR. NOW, UH, JERRY? YES?

NOW, UH, JERRY? YES? I DIDN'T ACCEPT YOUR KIND

YES? I DIDN'T ACCEPT YOUR KIND INVITATION TO WASHINGTON JUST

I DIDN'T ACCEPT YOUR KIND INVITATION TO WASHINGTON JUST FOR A CHANCE TO FLY ON

INVITATION TO WASHINGTON JUST FOR A CHANCE TO FLY ON AIR FORCE ONE.

FOR A CHANCE TO FLY ON AIR FORCE ONE. YOU SEE, BEING AN UNCOMMITTED

AIR FORCE ONE. YOU SEE, BEING AN UNCOMMITTED DELEGATE FROM JACKSON COUNTY, I

YOU SEE, BEING AN UNCOMMITTED DELEGATE FROM JACKSON COUNTY, I GOT TO REPRESENT THE INTERESTS

DELEGATE FROM JACKSON COUNTY, I GOT TO REPRESENT THE INTERESTS OF MY CITIZENS.

GOT TO REPRESENT THE INTERESTS OF MY CITIZENS. ABSOLUTELY, YES.

OF MY CITIZENS. ABSOLUTELY, YES. NOW, WE'RE INTERESTED IN

ABSOLUTELY, YES. NOW, WE'RE INTERESTED IN SECURING FEDERAL FUNDS FOR OUR

NOW, WE'RE INTERESTED IN SECURING FEDERAL FUNDS FOR OUR NEW SEWER AND WATER PROJECT.

SECURING FEDERAL FUNDS FOR OUR NEW SEWER AND WATER PROJECT. MM-HMM.

NEW SEWER AND WATER PROJECT. MM-HMM. AND, UH...

MM-HMM. AND, UH... SO, YOU'RE FROM MISSISSIPPI.

AND, UH... SO, YOU'RE FROM MISSISSIPPI. YES, FROM JACKSON COUNTY.

SO, YOU'RE FROM MISSISSIPPI. YES, FROM JACKSON COUNTY. AND WE HAVE A NEW WATER AND...

YES, FROM JACKSON COUNTY. AND WE HAVE A NEW WATER AND... NOW, I KNOW THAT THE FAVORITE

AND WE HAVE A NEW WATER AND... NOW, I KNOW THAT THE FAVORITE SUMMER DRINK IN THE DEEP SOUTH

NOW, I KNOW THAT THE FAVORITE SUMMER DRINK IN THE DEEP SOUTH IS THE MINT TULIP.

SUMMER DRINK IN THE DEEP SOUTH IS THE MINT TULIP. SO I'VE HAD OUR STAFF PREPARE

IS THE MINT TULIP. SO I'VE HAD OUR STAFF PREPARE SOME.

SO I'VE HAD OUR STAFF PREPARE SOME. MAY I OFFER YOU ONE?

SOME. MAY I OFFER YOU ONE? YES, SIR.

MAY I OFFER YOU ONE? YES, SIR. I TRULY DO LOVE A MINT JULEP.

YES, SIR. I TRULY DO LOVE A MINT JULEP. YOU KNOW, IN MICHIGAN, WE

I TRULY DO LOVE A MINT JULEP. YOU KNOW, IN MICHIGAN, WE HAVE A SUMMER DRINK WITH MINT IN

YOU KNOW, IN MICHIGAN, WE HAVE A SUMMER DRINK WITH MINT IN IT I'LL NEVER FORGET.

HAVE A SUMMER DRINK WITH MINT IN IT I'LL NEVER FORGET. WE USE TO CALL IT ICE TEA.

IT I'LL NEVER FORGET. WE USE TO CALL IT ICE TEA. MR. PRESIDENT, THERE'S A

WE USE TO CALL IT ICE TEA. MR. PRESIDENT, THERE'S A FLOWER IN MY DRINK.

MR. PRESIDENT, THERE'S A FLOWER IN MY DRINK. OH, THAT'S THE TULIP.

FLOWER IN MY DRINK. OH, THAT'S THE TULIP. NOW, I FIGURE THE FUNDS FOR

OH, THAT'S THE TULIP. NOW, I FIGURE THE FUNDS FOR THIS WATER-SUPPLY SYSTEM COULD

NOW, I FIGURE THE FUNDS FOR THIS WATER-SUPPLY SYSTEM COULD BE MADE AVAILABLE BY A SIMPLE

THIS WATER-SUPPLY SYSTEM COULD BE MADE AVAILABLE BY A SIMPLE REVERSAL OF A DECISION MADE IN

BE MADE AVAILABLE BY A SIMPLE REVERSAL OF A DECISION MADE IN THE TRANSPORTATION DEPARTMENT

REVERSAL OF A DECISION MADE IN THE TRANSPORTATION DEPARTMENT LAST YEAR.

THE TRANSPORTATION DEPARTMENT LAST YEAR. YOU SEE, IN JACKSON COUNTY, WE

LAST YEAR. YOU SEE, IN JACKSON COUNTY, WE COULDN'T ACCEPT CONTRACTING BIDS

YOU SEE, IN JACKSON COUNTY, WE COULDN'T ACCEPT CONTRACTING BIDS FROM INDEPENDENT CONTRACTORS...

COULDN'T ACCEPT CONTRACTING BIDS FROM INDEPENDENT CONTRACTORS... EXCUSE ME JUST A MINUTE,

FROM INDEPENDENT CONTRACTORS... EXCUSE ME JUST A MINUTE, MR. WADE.

EXCUSE ME JUST A MINUTE, MR. WADE. I LIKE SMALL TALK AS NUCH AS THE

MR. WADE. I LIKE SMALL TALK AS NUCH AS THE MEXT MAN.

I LIKE SMALL TALK AS NUCH AS THE MEXT MAN. I'M SORRY.

MEXT MAN. I'M SORRY. I LIKE SMALL TALK AS MUCH AS THE

I'M SORRY. I LIKE SMALL TALK AS MUCH AS THE NEXT MAN.

I LIKE SMALL TALK AS MUCH AS THE NEXT MAN. DON'T YOU THINK WE SHOULD GET

NEXT MAN. DON'T YOU THINK WE SHOULD GET DOWN TO BUSINESS?

DON'T YOU THINK WE SHOULD GET DOWN TO BUSINESS? NOW, THERE'S A BIG ELECTION

DOWN TO BUSINESS? NOW, THERE'S A BIG ELECTION COMING UP, AND I THINK YOU

NOW, THERE'S A BIG ELECTION COMING UP, AND I THINK YOU SHOULD GET BEHIND YOUR PRESIDENT

COMING UP, AND I THINK YOU SHOULD GET BEHIND YOUR PRESIDENT 110%.

SHOULD GET BEHIND YOUR PRESIDENT 110%. WELL, FRANKLY, SIR, I HAD

110%. WELL, FRANKLY, SIR, I HAD BEEN LEANING TOWARD REAGAN TILL

WELL, FRANKLY, SIR, I HAD BEEN LEANING TOWARD REAGAN TILL HE DESTROYED HIS CREDIBILITY BY

BEEN LEANING TOWARD REAGAN TILL HE DESTROYED HIS CREDIBILITY BY PICKING SCHWEIKER AS A

HE DESTROYED HIS CREDIBILITY BY PICKING SCHWEIKER AS A RUNNING MATE.

PICKING SCHWEIKER AS A RUNNING MATE. YES, IT CERTAINLY WAS A

RUNNING MATE. YES, IT CERTAINLY WAS A CLUMSY MOVE.

YES, IT CERTAINLY WAS A CLUMSY MOVE. [GLASS CRASHES]

CLUMSY MOVE. [GLASS CRASHES] YES, AND I, UH, CAN'T SEE NO

[GLASS CRASHES] YES, AND I, UH, CAN'T SEE NO PROBLEM NOW WHY WE CAN'T THROW

YES, AND I, UH, CAN'T SEE NO PROBLEM NOW WHY WE CAN'T THROW THE FULL SUPPORT OF

PROBLEM NOW WHY WE CAN'T THROW THE FULL SUPPORT OF JACKSON COUNTY BEHIND THE...

THE FULL SUPPORT OF JACKSON COUNTY BEHIND THE... THE, UH, FORD CAMPAIGN IF WE

JACKSON COUNTY BEHIND THE... THE, UH, FORD CAMPAIGN IF WE CAN COME TO SOME... AGREEMENT

THE, UH, FORD CAMPAIGN IF WE CAN COME TO SOME... AGREEMENT ABOUT THE SEWER AND THE WATER

CAN COME TO SOME... AGREEMENT ABOUT THE SEWER AND THE WATER SYSTEM, SIR.

ABOUT THE SEWER AND THE WATER SYSTEM, SIR. I SEE.

SYSTEM, SIR. I SEE. WELL, PERHAPS, THEN, THERE'S

I SEE. WELL, PERHAPS, THEN, THERE'S SOME PET PROJECT YOU HAVE IN

WELL, PERHAPS, THEN, THERE'S SOME PET PROJECT YOU HAVE IN MIND THAT I COULD HELP YOU ALONG

SOME PET PROJECT YOU HAVE IN MIND THAT I COULD HELP YOU ALONG WITH, SOMETHING IN YOUR

MIND THAT I COULD HELP YOU ALONG WITH, SOMETHING IN YOUR LOCALITY.

WITH, SOMETHING IN YOUR LOCALITY. I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE FROM

LOCALITY. I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE FROM JACKSON COUNTY.

I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE FROM JACKSON COUNTY. IS THAT IT?

JACKSON COUNTY. IS THAT IT? YES, SIR.

IS THAT IT? YES, SIR. WE HAVE A WATER AND A SEWER

YES, SIR. WE HAVE A WATER AND A SEWER SYSTEM THAT WE NEED FEDERAL

WE HAVE A WATER AND A SEWER SYSTEM THAT WE NEED FEDERAL FUNDS FOR.

SYSTEM THAT WE NEED FEDERAL FUNDS FOR. YES.

FUNDS FOR. YES. THE FEDERAL FUNDS ARE BEING

YES. THE FEDERAL FUNDS ARE BEING HELD UP BY THE TRANSPORTATION

THE FEDERAL FUNDS ARE BEING HELD UP BY THE TRANSPORTATION DEPARTMENT.

HELD UP BY THE TRANSPORTATION DEPARTMENT. LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT,

DEPARTMENT. LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT, WADE.

LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT, WADE. YOU HAVE SEWAGE IN YOUR WATER?

WADE. YOU HAVE SEWAGE IN YOUR WATER? NO.

YOU HAVE SEWAGE IN YOUR WATER? NO. NO.

NO. NO. UH, WOULD YOU LIKE SOMETHING TO

NO. UH, WOULD YOU LIKE SOMETHING TO EAT, THEN?

UH, WOULD YOU LIKE SOMETHING TO EAT, THEN? NO.

EAT, THEN? NO. BETTY... WOULD YOU, UH...

NO. BETTY... WOULD YOU, UH... BETTY, WOULD YOU PLEASE BRING IN

BETTY... WOULD YOU, UH... BETTY, WOULD YOU PLEASE BRING IN THE HORS D'RAVES... AH D'ROSS...

BETTY, WOULD YOU PLEASE BRING IN THE HORS D'RAVES... AH D'ROSS... HORVS D'ANDRES...

THE HORS D'RAVES... AH D'ROSS... HORVS D'ANDRES... HORS D'OEUVRES?

HORVS D'ANDRES... HORS D'OEUVRES? THANK YOU.

HORS D'OEUVRES? THANK YOU. I'M SURE YOU MUST KNOW THAT

THANK YOU. I'M SURE YOU MUST KNOW THAT MR. KISSINGER MAY NOT BE WITH US

I'M SURE YOU MUST KNOW THAT MR. KISSINGER MAY NOT BE WITH US LONG, FRANK, AND THIS COULD BE A

MR. KISSINGER MAY NOT BE WITH US LONG, FRANK, AND THIS COULD BE A GOOD OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU AND I

LONG, FRANK, AND THIS COULD BE A GOOD OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU AND I TO PERHAPS... AH, HERE COMES

GOOD OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU AND I TO PERHAPS... AH, HERE COMES MRS. PRESIDENT WITH THE

TO PERHAPS... AH, HERE COMES MRS. PRESIDENT WITH THE HORS D'RAVES.

MRS. PRESIDENT WITH THE HORS D'RAVES. OH, DON'T STAND.

HORS D'RAVES. OH, DON'T STAND. DON'T STAND.

OH, DON'T STAND. DON'T STAND. ALL RIGHT.

DON'T STAND. ALL RIGHT. NOW, I'LL BE BRUTALLY BLUNT,

ALL RIGHT. NOW, I'LL BE BRUTALLY BLUNT, MR. WADE.

NOW, I'LL BE BRUTALLY BLUNT, MR. WADE. HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO BE

MR. WADE. HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO BE SECRETARY OF STATE?

HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO BE SECRETARY OF STATE? OH, NOW, HONEY, DON'T MAKE

SECRETARY OF STATE? OH, NOW, HONEY, DON'T MAKE PROMISES YOU CAN'T KEEP.

OH, NOW, HONEY, DON'T MAKE PROMISES YOU CAN'T KEEP. I'M SURE THERE'S SOME OTHER WAY

PROMISES YOU CAN'T KEEP. I'M SURE THERE'S SOME OTHER WAY WE COULD HELP MR. WADE.

I'M SURE THERE'S SOME OTHER WAY WE COULD HELP MR. WADE. WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT, I

WE COULD HELP MR. WADE. WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT, I WAS TRYING TO TELL THE

WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT, I WAS TRYING TO TELL THE PRESIDENT, MA'AM, ABOUT THE

WAS TRYING TO TELL THE PRESIDENT, MA'AM, ABOUT THE DIFFICULTIES MY COUNTY'S HAVING

PRESIDENT, MA'AM, ABOUT THE DIFFICULTIES MY COUNTY'S HAVING GETTING THE FEDERAL FUND FOR

DIFFICULTIES MY COUNTY'S HAVING GETTING THE FEDERAL FUND FOR SOME WATER AND SEWAGE SYSTEM

GETTING THE FEDERAL FUND FOR SOME WATER AND SEWAGE SYSTEM THAT WE'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET.

SOME WATER AND SEWAGE SYSTEM THAT WE'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET. HAVE FEDERAL FUNDS BEEN HELD

THAT WE'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET. HAVE FEDERAL FUNDS BEEN HELD UP BY AN EXECUTIVE AGENCY?

HAVE FEDERAL FUNDS BEEN HELD UP BY AN EXECUTIVE AGENCY? YES, BY THE

UP BY AN EXECUTIVE AGENCY? YES, BY THE TRANSPORTATION DEPARTMENT.

YES, BY THE TRANSPORTATION DEPARTMENT. WELL, I'M SURE THE

TRANSPORTATION DEPARTMENT. WELL, I'M SURE THE PRESIDENT'S STAFF CAN MAKE A FEW

WELL, I'M SURE THE PRESIDENT'S STAFF CAN MAKE A FEW PHONE CALLS AND EVERYTHING WILL

PRESIDENT'S STAFF CAN MAKE A FEW PHONE CALLS AND EVERYTHING WILL BE CLEARED RIGHT UP.

PHONE CALLS AND EVERYTHING WILL BE CLEARED RIGHT UP. MA'AM, I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW

BE CLEARED RIGHT UP. MA'AM, I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW THAT MAKES ME FEEL, AND I JUST

MA'AM, I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW THAT MAKES ME FEEL, AND I JUST CAN'T SEE HOW WE CAN'T GET FULLY

THAT MAKES ME FEEL, AND I JUST CAN'T SEE HOW WE CAN'T GET FULLY BEHIND THE FORD CAMPAIGN IN

CAN'T SEE HOW WE CAN'T GET FULLY BEHIND THE FORD CAMPAIGN IN JACKSON COUNTY.

BEHIND THE FORD CAMPAIGN IN JACKSON COUNTY. WELL, I GUESS I GOT TO GO.

JACKSON COUNTY. WELL, I GUESS I GOT TO GO. GOT TO GO.

WELL, I GUESS I GOT TO GO. GOT TO GO. YEAH, TIME TO GO.

GOT TO GO. YEAH, TIME TO GO. MM-HMM.

YEAH, TIME TO GO. MM-HMM. [CRASHING]

MM-HMM. [CRASHING] UH, HONEY, IT'S TIME FOR

[CRASHING] UH, HONEY, IT'S TIME FOR MR. WADE TO GO.

UH, HONEY, IT'S TIME FOR MR. WADE TO GO. I'M SORRY.

MR. WADE TO GO. I'M SORRY. OF COURSE.

I'M SORRY. OF COURSE. THANK YOU FOR COMING, MR. WADE.

OF COURSE. THANK YOU FOR COMING, MR. WADE. I'M SORRY.

THANK YOU FOR COMING, MR. WADE. I'M SORRY. GO RIGHT AHEAD.

I'M SORRY. GO RIGHT AHEAD. WOULD YOU LIKE SOMETHING TO EAT,

GO RIGHT AHEAD. WOULD YOU LIKE SOMETHING TO EAT, PERHAPS?

WOULD YOU LIKE SOMETHING TO EAT, PERHAPS? BETTY, WOULD YOU BRING IN THE

PERHAPS? BETTY, WOULD YOU BRING IN THE HORS D'OEUVRES?

BETTY, WOULD YOU BRING IN THE HORS D'OEUVRES? AH.

HORS D'OEUVRES? AH. BE CAREFUL, HONEY.

AH. BE CAREFUL, HONEY. YOU JUST ATE A TOOTHPICK.

BE CAREFUL, HONEY. YOU JUST ATE A TOOTHPICK. WHAT'S THAT STUFF?

YOU JUST ATE A TOOTHPICK. WHAT'S THAT STUFF? FOOD.

WHAT'S THAT STUFF? FOOD. AH.

FOOD. AH. THANK YOU, BETTY.

AH. THANK YOU, BETTY. I'M SORRY, HONEY.

THANK YOU, BETTY. I'M SORRY, HONEY. I GOT IT.

I'M SORRY, HONEY. I GOT IT. TIME FOR BED, JERRY.

I GOT IT. TIME FOR BED, JERRY. I'LL SIT HERE NOW.

HEY, ACE, WHAT DO YOU SAY WE EAT CHINESE TONIGHT? I DON'T KNOW, PARTNER.

EAT CHINESE TONIGHT? I DON'T KNOW, PARTNER. SEEMS TO ME, UH, WE ATE CHINESE

I DON'T KNOW, PARTNER. SEEMS TO ME, UH, WE ATE CHINESE A COUPLE OF NIGHTS AGO.

SEEMS TO ME, UH, WE ATE CHINESE A COUPLE OF NIGHTS AGO. [SCOFFS]

A COUPLE OF NIGHTS AGO. [SCOFFS] THAT WASN'T CHINESE.

[SCOFFS] THAT WASN'T CHINESE. THAT WAS POLYNESIAN.

THAT WASN'T CHINESE. THAT WAS POLYNESIAN. SAME DIFFERENCE, PAL.

THAT WAS POLYNESIAN. SAME DIFFERENCE, PAL. SAME DIFFERENCE.

SAME DIFFERENCE, PAL. SAME DIFFERENCE. [ALARM BEEPING]

SAME DIFFERENCE. [ALARM BEEPING] IT'S A CODE 5.

[ALARM BEEPING] IT'S A CODE 5. LET'S ROLL.

[SIREN WAILING] LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA, 1976... A PRETTY TOUGH TOWN.

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA, 1976... A PRETTY TOUGH TOWN. REMEMBER ALL THOSE PEOPLE YOU

1976... A PRETTY TOUGH TOWN. REMEMBER ALL THOSE PEOPLE YOU SAW LOCKED UP ON "DRAGNET"?

REMEMBER ALL THOSE PEOPLE YOU SAW LOCKED UP ON "DRAGNET"? WELL, THEY'RE OUT NOW... EVERY

SAW LOCKED UP ON "DRAGNET"? WELL, THEY'RE OUT NOW... EVERY ONE OF THEM.

WELL, THEY'RE OUT NOW... EVERY ONE OF THEM. THEY'RE OUT, AND IT TAKES A NEW

ONE OF THEM. THEY'RE OUT, AND IT TAKES A NEW BREED OF COP TO HANDLE THEM.

THEY'RE OUT, AND IT TAKES A NEW BREED OF COP TO HANDLE THEM. THIS IS THE STORY OF THAT NEW

BREED OF COP TO HANDLE THEM. THIS IS THE STORY OF THAT NEW BREED.

[CARS CRASHING]

"POLICE STATE."

[SIREN WAILING, CARS CRASHING]

YES? I'D LIKE A WORD WITH YOU, SIR.

I'D LIKE A WORD WITH YOU, SIR. SURE THING.

SIR. SURE THING. HEY, BABE, HOW ABOUT ITALIAN?

SURE THING. HEY, BABE, HOW ABOUT ITALIAN? NAH, HOW ABOUT INDIAN?

HEY, BABE, HOW ABOUT ITALIAN? NAH, HOW ABOUT INDIAN? YOU WANT TO EAT INDIAN?

NAH, HOW ABOUT INDIAN? YOU WANT TO EAT INDIAN? YOU COULD HAVE CHICKEN CURRY.

YOU WANT TO EAT INDIAN? YOU COULD HAVE CHICKEN CURRY. WHAT DO YOU SAY?

YOU COULD HAVE CHICKEN CURRY. WHAT DO YOU SAY? I DON'T KNOW, BRO.

WHAT DO YOU SAY? I DON'T KNOW, BRO. THAT STUFF ALWAYS UPSETS MY

I DON'T KNOW, BRO. THAT STUFF ALWAYS UPSETS MY STOMACH, YOU KNOW.

THAT STUFF ALWAYS UPSETS MY STOMACH, YOU KNOW. HOW ABOUT GREEK?

STOMACH, YOU KNOW. HOW ABOUT GREEK? WE COULD HAVE SOME LAMB

HOW ABOUT GREEK? WE COULD HAVE SOME LAMB SHISH KEBAB.

WE COULD HAVE SOME LAMB SHISH KEBAB. NOW, THAT WON'T UPSET YOUR

SHISH KEBAB. NOW, THAT WON'T UPSET YOUR STOMACH.

NOW, THAT WON'T UPSET YOUR STOMACH. [ALARM BEEPING]

STOMACH. [ALARM BEEPING] IT'S A CODE 1114.

[ALARM BEEPING] IT'S A CODE 1114. LET'S ROLL.

[BRAKES SCREECH] [CARS CRASHING] [SIREN WAILING]

[CARS CRASHING] [SIREN WAILING] [CRASHING CONTINUES]

[SIREN WAILING] [CRASHING CONTINUES] [WAILING CONTINUES]

[CRASHING CONTINUES] [WAILING CONTINUES] OKAY, HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!

[WAILING CONTINUES] OKAY, HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! OKAY, FREEZE!

OKAY, HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! OKAY, FREEZE! YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN

OKAY, FREEZE! YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO AN

SILENT. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO AN ATTORNEY AND TO HAVE THAT

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO AN ATTORNEY AND TO HAVE THAT ATTORNEY PRESENT DURING

ATTORNEY AND TO HAVE THAT ATTORNEY PRESENT DURING QUESTIONING.

ATTORNEY PRESENT DURING QUESTIONING. HOW ABOUT ITALIAN?

QUESTIONING. HOW ABOUT ITALIAN? YOU ALWAYS LIKE ITALIAN.

HOW ABOUT ITALIAN? YOU ALWAYS LIKE ITALIAN. GIVE ME A BREAK.

YOU ALWAYS LIKE ITALIAN. GIVE ME A BREAK. YEAH, I'M TRYING TO LOSE A FEW

GIVE ME A BREAK. YEAH, I'M TRYING TO LOSE A FEW POUNDS, YOU KNOW.

YEAH, I'M TRYING TO LOSE A FEW POUNDS, YOU KNOW. ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN AND WILL BE

POUNDS, YOU KNOW. ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN AND WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU IN EVIDENCE.

ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN AND WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU IN EVIDENCE. HEY, HOW ABOUT FRENCH?

USED AGAINST YOU IN EVIDENCE. HEY, HOW ABOUT FRENCH? YOU MEAN THAT LITTLE PLACE

HEY, HOW ABOUT FRENCH? YOU MEAN THAT LITTLE PLACE OVER ON ALAMEDA WITH THE COLORED

YOU MEAN THAT LITTLE PLACE OVER ON ALAMEDA WITH THE COLORED UMBRELLAS?

OVER ON ALAMEDA WITH THE COLORED UMBRELLAS? HEY, LISTEN, OLD BUDDY.

UMBRELLAS? HEY, LISTEN, OLD BUDDY. YOU CAN GET A NICE BROOK TROUT,

HEY, LISTEN, OLD BUDDY. YOU CAN GET A NICE BROOK TROUT, A CARAFE OF WHITE WINE, A

YOU CAN GET A NICE BROOK TROUT, A CARAFE OF WHITE WINE, A SMALL ENDIVE SALAD.

A CARAFE OF WHITE WINE, A SMALL ENDIVE SALAD. [ALARM BEEPING]

SMALL ENDIVE SALAD. [ALARM BEEPING] IT'S A CODE 609.

[ALARM BEEPING] IT'S A CODE 609. LET'S ROLL.

IT'S A CODE 609. LET'S ROLL. [CARS CRASHING]

LET'S ROLL. [CARS CRASHING] [SIREN WAILING]

[CARS CRASHING] [SIREN WAILING] [CRASHING CONTINUES]

[SIREN WAILING] [CRASHING CONTINUES] [GUNSHOT]

[CRASHING CONTINUES] [GUNSHOT] AAH! AAH!

[GUNSHOT] AAH! AAH! [GUNSHOTS]

AAH! AAH! [GUNSHOTS] STOP OR I'LL SHOOT!

HEY, CHAMP. HOW WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT MEXICAN?

HOW WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT MEXICAN? WOULD YOU LIKE TO, UH, KILL

MEXICAN? WOULD YOU LIKE TO, UH, KILL MEXICAN TONIGHT?

WOULD YOU LIKE TO, UH, KILL MEXICAN TONIGHT? DIDN'T WE, UH, KILL MEXICAN

MEXICAN TONIGHT? DIDN'T WE, UH, KILL MEXICAN LAST NIGHT?

DIDN'T WE, UH, KILL MEXICAN LAST NIGHT? THAT WASN'T MEXICAN.

LAST NIGHT? THAT WASN'T MEXICAN. THAT WAS FILIPINO.

THAT WASN'T MEXICAN. THAT WAS FILIPINO. 601, AMIGO. 601.

THAT WAS FILIPINO. 601, AMIGO. 601. [LAUGHS]

601, AMIGO. 601. [LAUGHS] LET'S GO GET A BITE TO EAT.

[LAUGHS] LET'S GO GET A BITE TO EAT. OKAY.

THIS IS JEREMY MUSK. HERE ARE SOME SCENES FROM THE NEXT EPISODE OF "POLICE STATE."

HERE ARE SOME SCENES FROM THE NEXT EPISODE OF "POLICE STATE." [CARS CRASHING]

Announcer: STAY TUNED FOR

"S.W.A.T. POLICE TAILOR"...

AN OFFICER'S FIRST DUTY IS TO

HIS UNIFORM.

[CHEERS]

Announcer: AND NOW, "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH DON PARDO. DON PARDO, THE OFFICIAL

"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH DON PARDO. DON PARDO, THE OFFICIAL ANNOUNCER OF THE 1976 OLYMPIC

DON PARDO, THE OFFICIAL ANNOUNCER OF THE 1976 OLYMPIC GAMES.

ANNOUNCER OF THE 1976 OLYMPIC GAMES. WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

GAMES. WELL, I DON'T KNOW. AS FAR AS ANYONE AROUND HERE CAN

WELL, I DON'T KNOW. AS FAR AS ANYONE AROUND HERE CAN TELL, HE'S JUST A WASHED-UP

AS FAR AS ANYONE AROUND HERE CAN TELL, HE'S JUST A WASHED-UP GAME-SHOW ANNOUNCER.

TELL, HE'S JUST A WASHED-UP GAME-SHOW ANNOUNCER. HE WAS AN ALCOHOLIC FOR A WHILE,

GAME-SHOW ANNOUNCER. HE WAS AN ALCOHOLIC FOR A WHILE, A DRUG ADDICT, A LOT OF

HE WAS AN ALCOHOLIC FOR A WHILE, A DRUG ADDICT, A LOT OF MISPLACED RAGE AND ANGER.

A DRUG ADDICT, A LOT OF MISPLACED RAGE AND ANGER. I THINK HE JUST WANTS TO BE

MISPLACED RAGE AND ANGER. I THINK HE JUST WANTS TO BE ON-CAMERA, AND BASICALLY HE'S

I THINK HE JUST WANTS TO BE ON-CAMERA, AND BASICALLY HE'S JEALOUS.

ON-CAMERA, AND BASICALLY HE'S JEALOUS. GOT TO GO.

JEALOUS. GOT TO GO. GOOD EVENING.

GOT TO GO. GOOD EVENING. I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND YOU'RE NOT.

GOOD EVENING. I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND YOU'RE NOT. Announcer: NOBODY WANTS TO

I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND YOU'RE NOT. Announcer: NOBODY WANTS TO BE, CHUBBY.

Announcer: NOBODY WANTS TO BE, CHUBBY. OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...

BE, CHUBBY. OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... OLGA KORBUT BEGAN THE LONG,

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... OLGA KORBUT BEGAN THE LONG, HARD TREK TO THE 1980 OLYMPIC

OLGA KORBUT BEGAN THE LONG, HARD TREK TO THE 1980 OLYMPIC GAMES AFTER HAVING SUFFERED A

HARD TREK TO THE 1980 OLYMPIC GAMES AFTER HAVING SUFFERED A HUMILIATING DEFEAT LAST WEEK.

GAMES AFTER HAVING SUFFERED A HUMILIATING DEFEAT LAST WEEK. HER FIRST STEPS IN THE HEALING

HUMILIATING DEFEAT LAST WEEK. HER FIRST STEPS IN THE HEALING PROCESS WILL INCLUDE HYPNOSIS TO

HER FIRST STEPS IN THE HEALING PROCESS WILL INCLUDE HYPNOSIS TO IMPROVE HER CONCENTRATION,

PROCESS WILL INCLUDE HYPNOSIS TO IMPROVE HER CONCENTRATION, ISOMETRICS TO IMPROVE MUSCLE

IMPROVE HER CONCENTRATION, ISOMETRICS TO IMPROVE MUSCLE TONE, AND THE MISTAKEN SHOOTING

ISOMETRICS TO IMPROVE MUSCLE TONE, AND THE MISTAKEN SHOOTING OF NADIA COMANECI TO IMPROVE

TONE, AND THE MISTAKEN SHOOTING OF NADIA COMANECI TO IMPROVE HER CHANCES.

OF NADIA COMANECI TO IMPROVE HER CHANCES. PRESIDENT FORD ARRIVED AT THE

HER CHANCES. PRESIDENT FORD ARRIVED AT THE OLYMPIC STADIUM EARLIER TODAY TO

PRESIDENT FORD ARRIVED AT THE OLYMPIC STADIUM EARLIER TODAY TO MEET WITH AND CONGRATULATE THE

OLYMPIC STADIUM EARLIER TODAY TO MEET WITH AND CONGRATULATE THE MANY AMERICAN GOLD MEDALISTS.

MEET WITH AND CONGRATULATE THE MANY AMERICAN GOLD MEDALISTS. NOT SURPRISINGLY, NONE OF THE

MANY AMERICAN GOLD MEDALISTS. NOT SURPRISINGLY, NONE OF THE ATHLETES WERE IN MUNICH.

NOT SURPRISINGLY, NONE OF THE ATHLETES WERE IN MUNICH. SAID THE BEWILDERED

ATHLETES WERE IN MUNICH. SAID THE BEWILDERED CHIEF OF STATE, "CONGRATULATIONS

SAID THE BEWILDERED CHIEF OF STATE, "CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL OF YOU.

CHIEF OF STATE, "CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL OF YOU. WHERE ARE YOU?"

TO ALL OF YOU. WHERE ARE YOU?" WELL, IT'S BEEN EXACTLY A YEAR

WHERE ARE YOU?" WELL, IT'S BEEN EXACTLY A YEAR AND A DAY SINCE EX-TEAMSTERS

WELL, IT'S BEEN EXACTLY A YEAR AND A DAY SINCE EX-TEAMSTERS BOSS JIMMY HOFFA VANISHED.

AND A DAY SINCE EX-TEAMSTERS BOSS JIMMY HOFFA VANISHED. IN COMMEMORATION, TODAY CURRENT

BOSS JIMMY HOFFA VANISHED. IN COMMEMORATION, TODAY CURRENT TEAMSTER PRESIDENT

IN COMMEMORATION, TODAY CURRENT TEAMSTER PRESIDENT FRANK FITZSIMMONS ONCE AGAIN

TEAMSTER PRESIDENT FRANK FITZSIMMONS ONCE AGAIN MOURNED THE DISAPPEARANCE OF HIS

FRANK FITZSIMMONS ONCE AGAIN MOURNED THE DISAPPEARANCE OF HIS LONGTIME ASSOCIATE BY PLACING A

MOURNED THE DISAPPEARANCE OF HIS LONGTIME ASSOCIATE BY PLACING A SINGLE CANDLE IN A CAKE OF

LONGTIME ASSOCIATE BY PLACING A SINGLE CANDLE IN A CAKE OF CEMENT AND REPEATING THAT HE

SINGLE CANDLE IN A CAKE OF CEMENT AND REPEATING THAT HE FELT HOFFA WOULD ALWAYS BE A

CEMENT AND REPEATING THAT HE FELT HOFFA WOULD ALWAYS BE A CORNERSTONE IN THE ORGANIZATION.

FELT HOFFA WOULD ALWAYS BE A CORNERSTONE IN THE ORGANIZATION. FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, A BLACK

CORNERSTONE IN THE ORGANIZATION. FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, A BLACK MAN HAS WON THE BOB HOPE

FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, A BLACK MAN HAS WON THE BOB HOPE GOLF CLASSIC.

MAN HAS WON THE BOB HOPE GOLF CLASSIC. QUIPPED THE VICTOR, "I USED TO

GOLF CLASSIC. QUIPPED THE VICTOR, "I USED TO BE A CADDIE, AND NOW I DRIVE

QUIPPED THE VICTOR, "I USED TO BE A CADDIE, AND NOW I DRIVE ONE."

BE A CADDIE, AND NOW I DRIVE ONE." THE TOURNAMENT'S SPONSOR,

ONE." THE TOURNAMENT'S SPONSOR, BOB HOPE HIMSELF, IS SHOWN HERE

THE TOURNAMENT'S SPONSOR, BOB HOPE HIMSELF, IS SHOWN HERE LINING UP HIS PUTZ.

BOB HOPE HIMSELF, IS SHOWN HERE LINING UP HIS PUTZ. RONALD REAGAN ANNOUNCED TODAY

LINING UP HIS PUTZ. RONALD REAGAN ANNOUNCED TODAY THAT HE HAS MORE THAN THE 1,130

RONALD REAGAN ANNOUNCED TODAY THAT HE HAS MORE THAN THE 1,130 DELEGATES NEED TO WIN THE

THAT HE HAS MORE THAN THE 1,130 DELEGATES NEED TO WIN THE REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL

DELEGATES NEED TO WIN THE REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATION.

REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATION. HOWEVER, REAGAN CONCEDED THAT

NOMINATION. HOWEVER, REAGAN CONCEDED THAT PRESIDENT FORD MAY ALSO HAVE

HOWEVER, REAGAN CONCEDED THAT PRESIDENT FORD MAY ALSO HAVE MORE THAN ENOUGH DELEGATES TO BE

PRESIDENT FORD MAY ALSO HAVE MORE THAN ENOUGH DELEGATES TO BE NOMINATED.

MORE THAN ENOUGH DELEGATES TO BE NOMINATED. REAGAN WARNED THAT HAVING TWO

NOMINATED. REAGAN WARNED THAT HAVING TWO NOMINEES COULD HURT THE

REAGAN WARNED THAT HAVING TWO NOMINEES COULD HURT THE REPUBLICANS IN NOVEMBER.

NOMINEES COULD HURT THE REPUBLICANS IN NOVEMBER. REAGAN PICKED HIS CHOICE OF A

REPUBLICANS IN NOVEMBER. REAGAN PICKED HIS CHOICE OF A VICE-PRESIDENTIAL RUNNING MATE

REAGAN PICKED HIS CHOICE OF A VICE-PRESIDENTIAL RUNNING MATE THIS WEEK IN A SURPRISE MOVE

VICE-PRESIDENTIAL RUNNING MATE THIS WEEK IN A SURPRISE MOVE THAT MAY HURT HIS CHANCES IN THE

THIS WEEK IN A SURPRISE MOVE THAT MAY HURT HIS CHANCES IN THE UPCOMING CONVENTION.

THAT MAY HURT HIS CHANCES IN THE UPCOMING CONVENTION. REAGAN HAS TOLD NEWSMEN THAT

UPCOMING CONVENTION. REAGAN HAS TOLD NEWSMEN THAT SENATOR RICHARD SCHWEIKER OF

REAGAN HAS TOLD NEWSMEN THAT SENATOR RICHARD SCHWEIKER OF PENNSYLVANIA WILL BROADEN HIS

SENATOR RICHARD SCHWEIKER OF PENNSYLVANIA WILL BROADEN HIS CONSTITUENCY AND IMPROVE HIS

PENNSYLVANIA WILL BROADEN HIS CONSTITUENCY AND IMPROVE HIS KNOWLEDGE OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS.

CONSTITUENCY AND IMPROVE HIS KNOWLEDGE OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS. ASKED WHAT HIS CURRENT

KNOWLEDGE OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS. ASKED WHAT HIS CURRENT ASSESSMENT OF OUR FOREIGN POLICY

ASKED WHAT HIS CURRENT ASSESSMENT OF OUR FOREIGN POLICY IS, SCHWEIKER SAID, "THE WORLD

ASSESSMENT OF OUR FOREIGN POLICY IS, SCHWEIKER SAID, "THE WORLD IS BECOMING A CLOSER PLACE, AND

IS, SCHWEIKER SAID, "THE WORLD IS BECOMING A CLOSER PLACE, AND BEIRUT IS A PART OF IT," TO THE

IS BECOMING A CLOSER PLACE, AND BEIRUT IS A PART OF IT," TO THE CONFUSION OF EVERYONE.

BEIRUT IS A PART OF IT," TO THE CONFUSION OF EVERYONE. WELL, THE BIG STORY FROM MARS

CONFUSION OF EVERYONE. WELL, THE BIG STORY FROM MARS THIS WEEK WAS THE REPAIR OF THE

WELL, THE BIG STORY FROM MARS THIS WEEK WAS THE REPAIR OF THE PIN IN VIKING 1's SCOOP, WHICH

THIS WEEK WAS THE REPAIR OF THE PIN IN VIKING 1's SCOOP, WHICH MADE IT POSSIBLE TO GATHER SOIL

PIN IN VIKING 1's SCOOP, WHICH MADE IT POSSIBLE TO GATHER SOIL FROM THE PLANET'S SURFACE AND

MADE IT POSSIBLE TO GATHER SOIL FROM THE PLANET'S SURFACE AND CONDUCT TESTS TO SEE IF LIFE CAN

FROM THE PLANET'S SURFACE AND CONDUCT TESTS TO SEE IF LIFE CAN EXIST THERE.

CONDUCT TESTS TO SEE IF LIFE CAN EXIST THERE. ON WEDNESDAY, THE SCOOP WAS

EXIST THERE. ON WEDNESDAY, THE SCOOP WAS EXTENDED, AND WHILE ANALYSIS OF

ON WEDNESDAY, THE SCOOP WAS EXTENDED, AND WHILE ANALYSIS OF THE SOIL IS STILL NOT COMPLETE,

EXTENDED, AND WHILE ANALYSIS OF THE SOIL IS STILL NOT COMPLETE, SCIENTISTS ARE ALMOST CERTAIN

THE SOIL IS STILL NOT COMPLETE, SCIENTISTS ARE ALMOST CERTAIN THAT LIFE CANNOT AND HAS NEVER

SCIENTISTS ARE ALMOST CERTAIN THAT LIFE CANNOT AND HAS NEVER EXISTED ON MARS.

THAT LIFE CANNOT AND HAS NEVER EXISTED ON MARS. THE SMOTHERS BROTHERS THIS WEEK

EXISTED ON MARS. THE SMOTHERS BROTHERS THIS WEEK ANNOUNCED THAT THEY ARE

THE SMOTHERS BROTHERS THIS WEEK ANNOUNCED THAT THEY ARE SPLITTING UP.

ANNOUNCED THAT THEY ARE SPLITTING UP. DICK SMOTHERS SAYS HE WANTS TO

SPLITTING UP. DICK SMOTHERS SAYS HE WANTS TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH HIS FAMILY.

DICK SMOTHERS SAYS HE WANTS TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH HIS FAMILY. TOMMY SAYS HE WILL CONTINUE HIS

SPEND MORE TIME WITH HIS FAMILY. TOMMY SAYS HE WILL CONTINUE HIS CAREER AS SOON AS HE BREAKS IN A

TOMMY SAYS HE WILL CONTINUE HIS CAREER AS SOON AS HE BREAKS IN A NEW BROTHER.

CAREER AS SOON AS HE BREAKS IN A NEW BROTHER. [CHUCKLES]

NEW BROTHER. [CHUCKLES] STILL TO COME, JACK FORD

[CHUCKLES] STILL TO COME, JACK FORD CAMPAIGNS FOR HIS DAD IN

STILL TO COME, JACK FORD CAMPAIGNS FOR HIS DAD IN CHEYENNE AFTER THIS MESSAGE.

HOWDY.

I'M KRIS KRISTOFFERSON, AND I

GUESS YOU'RE WONDERING WHAT A

GOOD OLD BOY FROM NASHVILLE'S

DOING TALKING TO YOU ON SOME

TUTTI-FRUTTI TV STATION.

WELL, THE FACT IS, I MAKE A PRETTY GOOD LIVING DOING JUST ABOUT WHAT I WANT TO DO.

PRETTY GOOD LIVING DOING JUST ABOUT WHAT I WANT TO DO. AND I MAY NOT BE NO BOBBY DYLAN,

ABOUT WHAT I WANT TO DO. AND I MAY NOT BE NO BOBBY DYLAN, BUT I DON'T HAVE TO GO TO WORK

AND I MAY NOT BE NO BOBBY DYLAN, BUT I DON'T HAVE TO GO TO WORK IN THE MORNING, NEITHER.

BUT I DON'T HAVE TO GO TO WORK IN THE MORNING, NEITHER. AND I'M FIXING TO TELL Y'ALL OUT

IN THE MORNING, NEITHER. AND I'M FIXING TO TELL Y'ALL OUT THERE HOW YOU CAN DO THE SAME

AND I'M FIXING TO TELL Y'ALL OUT THERE HOW YOU CAN DO THE SAME THING.

THERE HOW YOU CAN DO THE SAME THING. IT WASN'T ALWAYS SO EASY FOR ME.

THING. IT WASN'T ALWAYS SO EASY FOR ME. LIKE A LOT OF YOU OUT THERE, I

IT WASN'T ALWAYS SO EASY FOR ME. LIKE A LOT OF YOU OUT THERE, I HAD A HANDICAP THAT WAS FAST

LIKE A LOT OF YOU OUT THERE, I HAD A HANDICAP THAT WAS FAST RUINING MY LIFE.

HAD A HANDICAP THAT WAS FAST RUINING MY LIFE. IT WAS CALLED "EDUCATION."

RUINING MY LIFE. IT WAS CALLED "EDUCATION." I WAS A RHODES SCHOLAR FOR

IT WAS CALLED "EDUCATION." I WAS A RHODES SCHOLAR FOR DAMN... MY ENGLISH IS TOO DAMN

I WAS A RHODES SCHOLAR FOR DAMN... MY ENGLISH IS TOO DAMN GOOD.

DAMN... MY ENGLISH IS TOO DAMN GOOD. TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, I WAS

GOOD. TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, I WAS BECOMING A BURDEN TO MY FAMILY

TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, I WAS BECOMING A BURDEN TO MY FAMILY AND AN EMBARRASSMENT TO MY

BECOMING A BURDEN TO MY FAMILY AND AN EMBARRASSMENT TO MY FRIENDS.

AND AN EMBARRASSMENT TO MY FRIENDS. I WAS TURNING OUT SONGS LIKE

FRIENDS. I WAS TURNING OUT SONGS LIKE "PLEASE HELP ME ENDURE THE ANGST

I WAS TURNING OUT SONGS LIKE "PLEASE HELP ME ENDURE THE ANGST OF THIS LONELY EVENING" AND

"PLEASE HELP ME ENDURE THE ANGST OF THIS LONELY EVENING" AND "BOBBY McGEE AND I" AND...

OF THIS LONELY EVENING" AND "BOBBY McGEE AND I" AND... TO BE SURE, I COULDN'T GET

"BOBBY McGEE AND I" AND... TO BE SURE, I COULDN'T GET ARRESTED.

TO BE SURE, I COULDN'T GET ARRESTED. RIGHT NOW, YOU'RE PROBABLY

ARRESTED. RIGHT NOW, YOU'RE PROBABLY ASKING YOURSELF, "WELL, WHAT

RIGHT NOW, YOU'RE PROBABLY ASKING YOURSELF, "WELL, WHAT TURNED IT ALL AROUND FOR HIM?

ASKING YOURSELF, "WELL, WHAT TURNED IT ALL AROUND FOR HIM? HOW'D HE WRITE ALL THOSE GREAT

TURNED IT ALL AROUND FOR HIM? HOW'D HE WRITE ALL THOSE GREAT SONGS THAT MADE HIM, WELL, KIND

HOW'D HE WRITE ALL THOSE GREAT SONGS THAT MADE HIM, WELL, KIND OF A LEGEND IN HIS OWN TIME?"

SONGS THAT MADE HIM, WELL, KIND OF A LEGEND IN HIS OWN TIME?" THE ANSWER'S IN THIS BOOK,

OF A LEGEND IN HIS OWN TIME?" THE ANSWER'S IN THIS BOOK, "TALK COUNTRY."

THE ANSWER'S IN THIS BOOK, "TALK COUNTRY." IT TOOK ME 10 YEARS OF DUES

"TALK COUNTRY." IT TOOK ME 10 YEARS OF DUES PAYING TO LEARN WHAT'S IN THIS

IT TOOK ME 10 YEARS OF DUES PAYING TO LEARN WHAT'S IN THIS BOOK, AND YOU CAN READ THE

PAYING TO LEARN WHAT'S IN THIS BOOK, AND YOU CAN READ THE DAMN THING IN AN HOUR IN THE

BOOK, AND YOU CAN READ THE DAMN THING IN AN HOUR IN THE COMFORT OF YOUR OWN HOME.

DAMN THING IN AN HOUR IN THE COMFORT OF YOUR OWN HOME. THERE'S A WHOLE CHAPTER DEVOTED

COMFORT OF YOUR OWN HOME. THERE'S A WHOLE CHAPTER DEVOTED TO NOTHING BUT DROPPING YOUR

THERE'S A WHOLE CHAPTER DEVOTED TO NOTHING BUT DROPPING YOUR G's AT THE END OF WORDS LIKE

TO NOTHING BUT DROPPING YOUR G's AT THE END OF WORDS LIKE BELIEVIN', FEELIN', COMIN',

G's AT THE END OF WORDS LIKE BELIEVIN', FEELIN', COMIN', CHILDREN.

BELIEVIN', FEELIN', COMIN', CHILDREN. ANOTHER ONE ON DOUBLE NEGATIVES,

CHILDREN. ANOTHER ONE ON DOUBLE NEGATIVES, AND A SPECIAL SECTION ON, UH,

ANOTHER ONE ON DOUBLE NEGATIVES, AND A SPECIAL SECTION ON, UH, COLORFUL COUNTRY SAYINGS, LIKE,

AND A SPECIAL SECTION ON, UH, COLORFUL COUNTRY SAYINGS, LIKE, UH, "AS MUCH CHANCE AS A

COLORFUL COUNTRY SAYINGS, LIKE, UH, "AS MUCH CHANCE AS A ONE-LEGGED MAN IN AN ASS-KICKING

UH, "AS MUCH CHANCE AS A ONE-LEGGED MAN IN AN ASS-KICKING CONTEST" AND "FEELING LIKE A

ONE-LEGGED MAN IN AN ASS-KICKING CONTEST" AND "FEELING LIKE A JACKASS BETWEEN TWO HAYSTACKS."

CONTEST" AND "FEELING LIKE A JACKASS BETWEEN TWO HAYSTACKS." POINT IS, YOU DON'T NEED TO HAVE

JACKASS BETWEEN TWO HAYSTACKS." POINT IS, YOU DON'T NEED TO HAVE A PRISON RECORD TO BE AN OUTLAW

POINT IS, YOU DON'T NEED TO HAVE A PRISON RECORD TO BE AN OUTLAW OR DOING TIME IN A DRUNK TANK

A PRISON RECORD TO BE AN OUTLAW OR DOING TIME IN A DRUNK TANK TO BE FUNKY.

OR DOING TIME IN A DRUNK TANK TO BE FUNKY. IT'S ALL RIGHT IN HERE.

TO BE FUNKY. IT'S ALL RIGHT IN HERE. DON'T LET YOUR EDUCATION STAND

IT'S ALL RIGHT IN HERE. DON'T LET YOUR EDUCATION STAND IN THE WAY OF STARDOM.

DON'T LET YOUR EDUCATION STAND IN THE WAY OF STARDOM. DON'T THROW AWAY A PROMISING

IN THE WAY OF STARDOM. DON'T THROW AWAY A PROMISING CAREER JUST 'CAUSE YOU CAN'T

DON'T THROW AWAY A PROMISING CAREER JUST 'CAUSE YOU CAN'T SAY, "AIN'T."

SEND $5.95 TODAY TO...

IT WORKED FOR MERLE HAGGARD.

IT'LL WORK FOR YOU.

WELL, I'VE GOT TO GET BACK TO

MAKING MUSIC.

♪ I'M A LOSER, I'M A LEARNER ♪ ♪ I'M FILTHY ON THE PHONE ♪ ♪ I RAN A BUSTER TO THE BONE ♪

♪ I'M FILTHY ON THE PHONE ♪ ♪ I RAN A BUSTER TO THE BONE ♪ ♪ WHO HAD A PROBLEM WHEN I'M

♪ I RAN A BUSTER TO THE BONE ♪ ♪ WHO HAD A PROBLEM WHEN I'M HOME ♪

WELL, IN MONTREAL TONIGHT, THE EXCITEMENT ONCE AGAIN MOUNTS AS FINALISTS IN THE BOXING,

THE EXCITEMENT ONCE AGAIN MOUNTS AS FINALISTS IN THE BOXING, MARATHON, EQUESTRIAN, AND

AS FINALISTS IN THE BOXING, MARATHON, EQUESTRIAN, AND HURDLES...

MARATHON, EQUESTRIAN, AND HURDLES... THIS BULLETIN ABOUT THE VIKING

HURDLES... THIS BULLETIN ABOUT THE VIKING SPACECRAFT JUST IN FROM "UPDATE"

THIS BULLETIN ABOUT THE VIKING SPACECRAFT JUST IN FROM "UPDATE" CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN,

SPACECRAFT JUST IN FROM "UPDATE" CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN, REPORTING LIVE FROM NASA.

CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN, REPORTING LIVE FROM NASA. COME IN, LARAINE.

REPORTING LIVE FROM NASA. COME IN, LARAINE. THE AIR IS CLEAR, THE SKY IS

COME IN, LARAINE. THE AIR IS CLEAR, THE SKY IS BLUE, AND THE BREEZE IS WAFTING,

THE AIR IS CLEAR, THE SKY IS BLUE, AND THE BREEZE IS WAFTING, CHEVY.

BLUE, AND THE BREEZE IS WAFTING, CHEVY. THE SUN IS QUITE HOT.

CHEVY. THE SUN IS QUITE HOT. I'VE BEEN OUT FOR ONLY 15

THE SUN IS QUITE HOT. I'VE BEEN OUT FOR ONLY 15 MINUTES, AND ALREADY I'VE GOT A

I'VE BEEN OUT FOR ONLY 15 MINUTES, AND ALREADY I'VE GOT A DIFFERENCE.

MINUTES, AND ALREADY I'VE GOT A DIFFERENCE. THE TEMPERATURE HERE IS

DIFFERENCE. THE TEMPERATURE HERE IS SOMEWHERE ABOVE 80.

THE TEMPERATURE HERE IS SOMEWHERE ABOVE 80. HUMIDITY IS HIGH.

SOMEWHERE ABOVE 80. HUMIDITY IS HIGH. AND EXCEPT FOR THE PEOPLE WHO

HUMIDITY IS HIGH. AND EXCEPT FOR THE PEOPLE WHO LIVE HERE, MOST EVERYONE IS ON

AND EXCEPT FOR THE PEOPLE WHO LIVE HERE, MOST EVERYONE IS ON THE AMERICAN PLAN.

LIVE HERE, MOST EVERYONE IS ON THE AMERICAN PLAN. THE FOOD HERE IS REALLY GOOD,

THE AMERICAN PLAN. THE FOOD HERE IS REALLY GOOD, CHEVY.

THE FOOD HERE IS REALLY GOOD, CHEVY. LARAINE.

CHEVY. LARAINE. EXCUSE ME, LARAINE.

LARAINE. EXCUSE ME, LARAINE. CAN YOU HEAR ME?

EXCUSE ME, LARAINE. CAN YOU HEAR ME? YES, CHEVY.

CAN YOU HEAR ME? YES, CHEVY. NOW, LARAINE, AREN'T YOU

YES, CHEVY. NOW, LARAINE, AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE IN NASA, THE

NOW, LARAINE, AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE IN NASA, THE NATIONAL AERONAUTICS AND SPACE

SUPPOSED TO BE IN NASA, THE NATIONAL AERONAUTICS AND SPACE ADMINISTRATION?

NATIONAL AERONAUTICS AND SPACE ADMINISTRATION? THAT'S RIGHT, CHEVY.

ADMINISTRATION? THAT'S RIGHT, CHEVY. AND, LARAINE, AREN'T YOU,

THAT'S RIGHT, CHEVY. AND, LARAINE, AREN'T YOU, IN FACT, IN NASSAU?

AND, LARAINE, AREN'T YOU, IN FACT, IN NASSAU? YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT,

IN FACT, IN NASSAU? YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, CHEVY.

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, CHEVY. WILL I HAVE TO PAY FOR THIS?

CHEVY. WILL I HAVE TO PAY FOR THIS? CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN,

WILL I HAVE TO PAY FOR THIS? CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN, PAYING FOR HER OWN VACATION IN

CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN, PAYING FOR HER OWN VACATION IN NASSAU.

PAYING FOR HER OWN VACATION IN NASSAU. SPIRO T. AGNEW, UNDER NEW ATTACK

NASSAU. SPIRO T. AGNEW, UNDER NEW ATTACK FOR CRITICISM OF ISRAEL, DENIED

SPIRO T. AGNEW, UNDER NEW ATTACK FOR CRITICISM OF ISRAEL, DENIED YESTERDAY THAT HE IS

FOR CRITICISM OF ISRAEL, DENIED YESTERDAY THAT HE IS ANTI-SEMITIC.

YESTERDAY THAT HE IS ANTI-SEMITIC. IN A STATEMENT TO THE PRESS,

ANTI-SEMITIC. IN A STATEMENT TO THE PRESS, AGNEW WAS QUOTED AS SAYING, "I

IN A STATEMENT TO THE PRESS, AGNEW WAS QUOTED AS SAYING, "I DON'T JUDGE A MAN ACCORDING TO

AGNEW WAS QUOTED AS SAYING, "I DON'T JUDGE A MAN ACCORDING TO HIS RELIGIOUS BELIEFS.

DON'T JUDGE A MAN ACCORDING TO HIS RELIGIOUS BELIEFS. I JUDGE HIM ACCORDING TO THE

HIS RELIGIOUS BELIEFS. I JUDGE HIM ACCORDING TO THE LENGTH OF HIS NOSE."

I JUDGE HIM ACCORDING TO THE LENGTH OF HIS NOSE." THE FORMER VICE-PRESIDENT WENT

LENGTH OF HIS NOSE." THE FORMER VICE-PRESIDENT WENT ON TO SAY, "ALL THESE

THE FORMER VICE-PRESIDENT WENT ON TO SAY, "ALL THESE ALLEGATIONS ARE PURE NONSENSE.

ON TO SAY, "ALL THESE ALLEGATIONS ARE PURE NONSENSE. SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE

ALLEGATIONS ARE PURE NONSENSE. SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE CHRIST KILLERS."

SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE CHRIST KILLERS." IN A TRAGEDY AT THE OLYMPICS,

CHRIST KILLERS." IN A TRAGEDY AT THE OLYMPICS, HIGH JUMP CHAMPION DWIGHT STONES

IN A TRAGEDY AT THE OLYMPICS, HIGH JUMP CHAMPION DWIGHT STONES OF HUNTINGTON BEACH, CALIFORNIA,

HIGH JUMP CHAMPION DWIGHT STONES OF HUNTINGTON BEACH, CALIFORNIA, BECAME CAUGHT BETWEEN THE

OF HUNTINGTON BEACH, CALIFORNIA, BECAME CAUGHT BETWEEN THE CROSSBARS DURING THE SECOND HEAT

BECAME CAUGHT BETWEEN THE CROSSBARS DURING THE SECOND HEAT OF THE EVENT.

CROSSBARS DURING THE SECOND HEAT OF THE EVENT. THE APPARATUS AND STONES WERE

OF THE EVENT. THE APPARATUS AND STONES WERE TAKEN TO A NEARBY HOSPITAL WHERE

THE APPARATUS AND STONES WERE TAKEN TO A NEARBY HOSPITAL WHERE HE WAS SAFELY REMOVED FROM THE

TAKEN TO A NEARBY HOSPITAL WHERE HE WAS SAFELY REMOVED FROM THE BARS WITH SCISSORS AND A

HE WAS SAFELY REMOVED FROM THE BARS WITH SCISSORS AND A BLOWTORCH.

BARS WITH SCISSORS AND A BLOWTORCH. AND OUR FINAL STORY TONIGHT TOOK

BLOWTORCH. AND OUR FINAL STORY TONIGHT TOOK PLACE TODAY IN MONTREAL, WHERE

AND OUR FINAL STORY TONIGHT TOOK PLACE TODAY IN MONTREAL, WHERE GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO

PLACE TODAY IN MONTREAL, WHERE GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO SCORED A PERFECT 10 OUT OF 10 IN

GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO SCORED A PERFECT 10 OUT OF 10 IN CADAVER DIVING, A RELATIVELY NEW

SCORED A PERFECT 10 OUT OF 10 IN CADAVER DIVING, A RELATIVELY NEW SPORT IN OLYMPIC COMPETITION.

CADAVER DIVING, A RELATIVELY NEW SPORT IN OLYMPIC COMPETITION. THE FORMER RULER OF SPAIN, NOW

SPORT IN OLYMPIC COMPETITION. THE FORMER RULER OF SPAIN, NOW KNOWN AS "EL CADAVER," SCORED AN

THE FORMER RULER OF SPAIN, NOW KNOWN AS "EL CADAVER," SCORED AN UPSET OVER DANIEL GEARHART,

KNOWN AS "EL CADAVER," SCORED AN UPSET OVER DANIEL GEARHART, EX-MERCENARY, WHO WAS CONSIDERED

UPSET OVER DANIEL GEARHART, EX-MERCENARY, WHO WAS CONSIDERED TO BE THE FAVORITE UNTIL HE LOST

EX-MERCENARY, WHO WAS CONSIDERED TO BE THE FAVORITE UNTIL HE LOST POINTS FOR HIS EXECUTION.

TO BE THE FAVORITE UNTIL HE LOST POINTS FOR HIS EXECUTION. AND NOW, FOR THOSE OF OUR

POINTS FOR HIS EXECUTION. AND NOW, FOR THOSE OF OUR VIEWERS THAT MAY BE GROWING

AND NOW, FOR THOSE OF OUR VIEWERS THAT MAY BE GROWING TIRED OF "WEEKEND UPDATE," I

VIEWERS THAT MAY BE GROWING TIRED OF "WEEKEND UPDATE," I WILL NOT REPEAT TONIGHT'S TOP

TIRED OF "WEEKEND UPDATE," I WILL NOT REPEAT TONIGHT'S TOP STORY.

WILL NOT REPEAT TONIGHT'S TOP STORY. GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT

STORY. GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW.

[GUITAR PLAYS] ♪ BUSTED FLAT IN BATON ROUGE ♪

♪ BUSTED FLAT IN BATON ROUGE ♪ ♪ I'M HEADING FOR A TRAIN ♪

BATON ROUGE ♪ ♪ I'M HEADING FOR A TRAIN ♪ ♪ FEELING NEAR AS FADED AS MY

♪ I'M HEADING FOR A TRAIN ♪ ♪ FEELING NEAR AS FADED AS MY JEANS ♪

♪ FEELING NEAR AS FADED AS MY JEANS ♪ THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

JEANS ♪ THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. THAT SONG IS CALLED

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. THAT SONG IS CALLED "BOBBY McGEE," AND I WROTE THE

THAT SONG IS CALLED "BOBBY McGEE," AND I WROTE THE THING BACK IN 1969.

"BOBBY McGEE," AND I WROTE THE THING BACK IN 1969. AND I GUESS YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT

THING BACK IN 1969. AND I GUESS YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT MEANT TO ME.

AND I GUESS YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT MEANT TO ME. WHAT YOU PROBABLY DON'T KNOW

MEANT TO ME. WHAT YOU PROBABLY DON'T KNOW IS THERE REALLY WAS A

WHAT YOU PROBABLY DON'T KNOW IS THERE REALLY WAS A BOBBY McGEE, ONLY IT WASN'T HER

IS THERE REALLY WAS A BOBBY McGEE, ONLY IT WASN'T HER NAME.

BOBBY McGEE, ONLY IT WASN'T HER NAME. HER NAME WAS BOBBY PAISNER, BUT

NAME. HER NAME WAS BOBBY PAISNER, BUT I RHYMED IT WITH "ME," AND

HER NAME WAS BOBBY PAISNER, BUT I RHYMED IT WITH "ME," AND NOTHING RHYMES WITH "PAISNER"

I RHYMED IT WITH "ME," AND NOTHING RHYMES WITH "PAISNER" ANYWAY.

NOTHING RHYMES WITH "PAISNER" ANYWAY. BUT SOMEBODY HERE AT NBC TOOK

ANYWAY. BUT SOMEBODY HERE AT NBC TOOK THE TROUBLE TO HUNT HER DOWN,

BUT SOMEBODY HERE AT NBC TOOK THE TROUBLE TO HUNT HER DOWN, AND SHE'S SOMEWHERE OUT THERE

THE TROUBLE TO HUNT HER DOWN, AND SHE'S SOMEWHERE OUT THERE IN THE AUDIENCE NOW.

AND SHE'S SOMEWHERE OUT THERE IN THE AUDIENCE NOW. I AIN'T SEEN HER IN SEVEN YEARS,

IN THE AUDIENCE NOW. I AIN'T SEEN HER IN SEVEN YEARS, AND I'D LIKE YOU ALL TO MEET THE

I AIN'T SEEN HER IN SEVEN YEARS, AND I'D LIKE YOU ALL TO MEET THE REAL BOBBY McGEE.

AND I'D LIKE YOU ALL TO MEET THE REAL BOBBY McGEE. BOBBY, COME UP HERE.

WOW, BOBBY. KRIS. IT'S WONDERFUL TO SEE YOU.

KRIS. IT'S WONDERFUL TO SEE YOU. YOU LOOK JUST FABULOUS.

IT'S WONDERFUL TO SEE YOU. YOU LOOK JUST FABULOUS. TELL ME, HONESTLY, WOULD YOU

YOU LOOK JUST FABULOUS. TELL ME, HONESTLY, WOULD YOU HAVE RECOGNIZED ME?

TELL ME, HONESTLY, WOULD YOU HAVE RECOGNIZED ME? SURE, SURE.

HAVE RECOGNIZED ME? SURE, SURE. [LAUGHS]

SURE, SURE. [LAUGHS] YOU DRESS A LITTLE DIFFERENT.

[LAUGHS] YOU DRESS A LITTLE DIFFERENT. I DON'T THINK I'D FORGET THE

YOU DRESS A LITTLE DIFFERENT. I DON'T THINK I'D FORGET THE SHAPE, ANYWAY.

I DON'T THINK I'D FORGET THE SHAPE, ANYWAY. OH.

SHAPE, ANYWAY. OH. OH, BOY.

OH. OH, BOY. HEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

OH, BOY. HEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? OH, YOU MEAN IN SALINAS?

HEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? OH, YOU MEAN IN SALINAS? YEAH.

OH, YOU MEAN IN SALINAS? YEAH. OH, I HAD TO LEAVE.

YEAH. OH, I HAD TO LEAVE. I'D REALLY HAD IT WITH THE ROAD.

OH, I HAD TO LEAVE. I'D REALLY HAD IT WITH THE ROAD. FOUR WEEKS IS A LONG TIME TO BE

I'D REALLY HAD IT WITH THE ROAD. FOUR WEEKS IS A LONG TIME TO BE AWAY FROM HOME, YOU KNOW.

FOUR WEEKS IS A LONG TIME TO BE AWAY FROM HOME, YOU KNOW. AND, UH, MY PARENTS SENT ME THIS

AWAY FROM HOME, YOU KNOW. AND, UH, MY PARENTS SENT ME THIS PLANE TICKET BACK TO CHICAGO,

AND, UH, MY PARENTS SENT ME THIS PLANE TICKET BACK TO CHICAGO, AND THEY WERE SO SUPPORTIVE.

PLANE TICKET BACK TO CHICAGO, AND THEY WERE SO SUPPORTIVE. THEY FIXED UP MY OLD ROOM AND

AND THEY WERE SO SUPPORTIVE. THEY FIXED UP MY OLD ROOM AND EVERYTHING.

THEY FIXED UP MY OLD ROOM AND EVERYTHING. AND, YOU KNOW, I'LL NEVER

EVERYTHING. AND, YOU KNOW, I'LL NEVER FORGET IT.

AND, YOU KNOW, I'LL NEVER FORGET IT. MY FATHER SAID TO ME, "YOU CAN'T

FORGET IT. MY FATHER SAID TO ME, "YOU CAN'T BE A GRASSHOPPER YOUR WHOLE

MY FATHER SAID TO ME, "YOU CAN'T BE A GRASSHOPPER YOUR WHOLE LIFE."

BE A GRASSHOPPER YOUR WHOLE LIFE." YOU KNOW, SO I WENT BACK TO

LIFE." YOU KNOW, SO I WENT BACK TO COLLEGE, AND I GOT MY TEACHING

YOU KNOW, SO I WENT BACK TO COLLEGE, AND I GOT MY TEACHING CERTIFICATE.

COLLEGE, AND I GOT MY TEACHING CERTIFICATE. WOW, SO YOU'RE A TEACHER.

CERTIFICATE. WOW, SO YOU'RE A TEACHER. WELL, I NEVER ACTUALLY GOT A

WOW, SO YOU'RE A TEACHER. WELL, I NEVER ACTUALLY GOT A CHANCE TO TEACH, BECAUSE THAT'S

WELL, I NEVER ACTUALLY GOT A CHANCE TO TEACH, BECAUSE THAT'S WHEN, UH, I MET LARRY.

CHANCE TO TEACH, BECAUSE THAT'S WHEN, UH, I MET LARRY. LARRY WHO?

WHEN, UH, I MET LARRY. LARRY WHO? LARRY FARBER.

LARRY WHO? LARRY FARBER. HI! HOW ARE YOU, KRIS?

LARRY FARBER. HI! HOW ARE YOU, KRIS? NICE TO MEET YOU!

HI! HOW ARE YOU, KRIS? NICE TO MEET YOU! THIS IS MY HUSBAND, KRIS,

NICE TO MEET YOU! THIS IS MY HUSBAND, KRIS, LARRY FARBER.

THIS IS MY HUSBAND, KRIS, LARRY FARBER. HE'S IN POCKETBOOKS.

LARRY FARBER. HE'S IN POCKETBOOKS. LET ME GET A PICTURE OF YOU

HE'S IN POCKETBOOKS. LET ME GET A PICTURE OF YOU TWO OVER HERE.

LET ME GET A PICTURE OF YOU TWO OVER HERE. GET TOGETHER HERE NOW.

TWO OVER HERE. GET TOGETHER HERE NOW. LET'S SEE THIS.

GET TOGETHER HERE NOW. LET'S SEE THIS. LET'S SEE THAT LITTLE SMILE.

LET'S SEE THIS. LET'S SEE THAT LITTLE SMILE. OH, GREAT. GREAT.

LET'S SEE THAT LITTLE SMILE. OH, GREAT. GREAT. HI, KIDS.

OH, GREAT. GREAT. HI, KIDS. HI, TRACY.

HI, KIDS. HI, TRACY. HI, JASON.

HI, TRACY. HI, JASON. HOW ARE YOU?

HI, JASON. HOW ARE YOU? THAT'S OUR KIDS.

HOW ARE YOU? THAT'S OUR KIDS. I PROMISED I'D SAY HELLO.

THAT'S OUR KIDS. I PROMISED I'D SAY HELLO. THEY'RE WATCHING IN

I PROMISED I'D SAY HELLO. THEY'RE WATCHING IN HIGHLAND PARK.

THEY'RE WATCHING IN HIGHLAND PARK. HI, KIDS.

HIGHLAND PARK. HI, KIDS. HI, KIDS!

HI, KIDS. HI, KIDS! WELL, THAT'S REALLY TERRIFIC.

HI, KIDS! WELL, THAT'S REALLY TERRIFIC. YOU GOT KIDS OUT THERE.

WELL, THAT'S REALLY TERRIFIC. YOU GOT KIDS OUT THERE. YEAH. YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

YOU GOT KIDS OUT THERE. YEAH. YOU KNOW SOMETHING? THEY JUST LOVE YOU.

YEAH. YOU KNOW SOMETHING? THEY JUST LOVE YOU. THEY'RE YOUR BIGGEST FANS, KRIS,

THEY JUST LOVE YOU. THEY'RE YOUR BIGGEST FANS, KRIS, REALLY.

THEY'RE YOUR BIGGEST FANS, KRIS, REALLY. YOU KNOW, THEY ALWAYS LISTEN TO

REALLY. YOU KNOW, THEY ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR RECORD.

YOU KNOW, THEY ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR RECORD. THEIR FAVORITE ONE IS

YOUR RECORD. THEIR FAVORITE ONE IS "50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER."

THEIR FAVORITE ONE IS "50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER." YOU KNOW, ALL I EVER HEAR

"50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER." YOU KNOW, ALL I EVER HEAR THEM LISTEN TO IS ELTON JOHN.

YOU KNOW, ALL I EVER HEAR THEM LISTEN TO IS ELTON JOHN. OH, LARRY'S SUCH A JOKER.

THEM LISTEN TO IS ELTON JOHN. OH, LARRY'S SUCH A JOKER. YOU'RE SUCH A JOKER, LARRY.

OH, LARRY'S SUCH A JOKER. YOU'RE SUCH A JOKER, LARRY. HE'S REALLY A JOKER.

YOU'RE SUCH A JOKER, LARRY. HE'S REALLY A JOKER. YEAH.

HE'S REALLY A JOKER. YEAH. I BET YOU GUYS HAVE A LOT OF

YEAH. I BET YOU GUYS HAVE A LOT OF YOCKS, DON'T YOU?

I BET YOU GUYS HAVE A LOT OF YOCKS, DON'T YOU? YEAH.

YOCKS, DON'T YOU? YEAH. UM, KRIS, LARRY'S NEVER HEARD

YEAH. UM, KRIS, LARRY'S NEVER HEARD YOU SING.

UM, KRIS, LARRY'S NEVER HEARD YOU SING. COULD YOU SING "BOBBY McGEE" FOR

YOU SING. COULD YOU SING "BOBBY McGEE" FOR HIM?

COULD YOU SING "BOBBY McGEE" FOR HIM? HE DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.

HIM? HE DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT. YES, HE DOES.

HE DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT. YES, HE DOES. HE WANTS TO HEAR IT, KRIS.

YES, HE DOES. HE WANTS TO HEAR IT, KRIS. IT'S OUR SONG, RIGHT?

HE WANTS TO HEAR IT, KRIS. IT'S OUR SONG, RIGHT? IT'S OUR SONG.

IT'S OUR SONG, RIGHT? IT'S OUR SONG. BOBBY TELLS ME YOU MADE QUITE

IT'S OUR SONG. BOBBY TELLS ME YOU MADE QUITE A MINT OFF THAT, PAL.

BOBBY TELLS ME YOU MADE QUITE A MINT OFF THAT, PAL. GOD KNOWS I NEVER SAW A

A MINT OFF THAT, PAL. GOD KNOWS I NEVER SAW A PENNY.

GOD KNOWS I NEVER SAW A PENNY. GO AHEAD AND SING IT, THOUGH,

PENNY. GO AHEAD AND SING IT, THOUGH, KRIS, PLEASE.

GO AHEAD AND SING IT, THOUGH, KRIS, PLEASE. ♪ WELL, I TOOK MY HARPOON

KRIS, PLEASE. ♪ WELL, I TOOK MY HARPOON OUT OF MY DIRTY RED BANDANNA ♪

♪ WELL, I TOOK MY HARPOON OUT OF MY DIRTY RED BANDANNA ♪ ♪ BLOWING SAD WHILE BOBBY SANG

OUT OF MY DIRTY RED BANDANNA ♪ ♪ BLOWING SAD WHILE BOBBY SANG THE BLUES ♪

♪ BLOWING SAD WHILE BOBBY SANG THE BLUES ♪ OH, I LOVE IT.

THE BLUES ♪ OH, I LOVE IT. ♪ THEM WINDSHIELD WIPERS

OH, I LOVE IT. ♪ THEM WINDSHIELD WIPERS SLAPPING TIME ♪

♪ THEM WINDSHIELD WIPERS SLAPPING TIME ♪ ♪ AND BOBBY CLAPPING HANDS ♪

SLAPPING TIME ♪ ♪ AND BOBBY CLAPPING HANDS ♪ OH, I LOVE THAT.

♪ AND BOBBY CLAPPING HANDS ♪ OH, I LOVE THAT. I LOVE THAT.

OH, I LOVE THAT. I LOVE THAT. IT'S REALLY A NICE SONG.

I LOVE THAT. IT'S REALLY A NICE SONG. YEAH, YOU KNOW, I'VE WAITED

IT'S REALLY A NICE SONG. YEAH, YOU KNOW, I'VE WAITED SO LONG FOR THE TWO OF YOU TO

YEAH, YOU KNOW, I'VE WAITED SO LONG FOR THE TWO OF YOU TO MEET, REALLY.

SO LONG FOR THE TWO OF YOU TO MEET, REALLY. YOU KNOW, KRIS, I'VE TOLD LARRY

MEET, REALLY. YOU KNOW, KRIS, I'VE TOLD LARRY ALL ABOUT YOU.

YOU KNOW, KRIS, I'VE TOLD LARRY ALL ABOUT YOU. ALL ABOUT ME?

ALL ABOUT YOU. ALL ABOUT ME? WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

ALL ABOUT ME? WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? LARRY.

WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? LARRY. OKAY.

LARRY. OKAY. OKAY.

OKAY. OKAY. [LAUGHS]

OKAY. [LAUGHS] WE REALLY HAD SOME GOOD TIMES,

[LAUGHS] WE REALLY HAD SOME GOOD TIMES, DIDN'T WE?

WE REALLY HAD SOME GOOD TIMES, DIDN'T WE? THEY WERE SOME CRAZY, ZANY

DIDN'T WE? THEY WERE SOME CRAZY, ZANY OLD TIMES.

THEY WERE SOME CRAZY, ZANY OLD TIMES. COME ON, KRIS, FINISH THE

OLD TIMES. COME ON, KRIS, FINISH THE SONG.

COME ON, KRIS, FINISH THE SONG. YOU KNOW, A LOT OF MY FRIENDS

SONG. YOU KNOW, A LOT OF MY FRIENDS BACK IN HIGHLAND PARK DON'T

YOU KNOW, A LOT OF MY FRIENDS BACK IN HIGHLAND PARK DON'T BELIEVE THAT I'M THE REAL

BACK IN HIGHLAND PARK DON'T BELIEVE THAT I'M THE REAL BOBBY McGEE.

BELIEVE THAT I'M THE REAL BOBBY McGEE. COULD YOU JUST SING IT FOR THEM,

BOBBY McGEE. COULD YOU JUST SING IT FOR THEM, PLEASE?

COULD YOU JUST SING IT FOR THEM, PLEASE? SING THE REST OF THE SONG.

PLEASE? SING THE REST OF THE SONG. UH, LOOK...

SING THE REST OF THE SONG. UH, LOOK... PLEASE?

UH, LOOK... PLEASE? PLEASE?

PLEASE? PLEASE? PRETTY PLEASE, WITH SUGAR ON

PLEASE? PRETTY PLEASE, WITH SUGAR ON TOP?

PRETTY PLEASE, WITH SUGAR ON TOP? PLEASE?

TOP? PLEASE? COULD YOU SING IT, KRIS?

PLEASE? COULD YOU SING IT, KRIS? ♪ SOMEWHERE NEAR SALINAS,

COULD YOU SING IT, KRIS? ♪ SOMEWHERE NEAR SALINAS, LORD, I LET HER SLIP AWAY ♪

♪ SOMEWHERE NEAR SALINAS, LORD, I LET HER SLIP AWAY ♪ NOW, LET'S SEE.

LORD, I LET HER SLIP AWAY ♪ NOW, LET'S SEE. ♪ FROM THE COAL MINES OF

NOW, LET'S SEE. ♪ FROM THE COAL MINES OF KENTUCKY ♪

♪ FROM THE COAL MINES OF KENTUCKY ♪ ♪ TO THE CALIFORNIA SUN... ♪

KENTUCKY ♪ ♪ TO THE CALIFORNIA SUN... ♪ HEY, WHEN WERE YOU IN

♪ TO THE CALIFORNIA SUN... ♪ HEY, WHEN WERE YOU IN KENTUCKY, SWEETHEART?

HEY, WHEN WERE YOU IN KENTUCKY, SWEETHEART? YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT YOU WERE

KENTUCKY, SWEETHEART? YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST HITCHHIKING BACK TO SCHOOL.

YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST HITCHHIKING BACK TO SCHOOL. LARRY, IT WAS A LONG TIME

JUST HITCHHIKING BACK TO SCHOOL. LARRY, IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.

LARRY, IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO. "KEPT ME FROM THE COLD"?

AGO. "KEPT ME FROM THE COLD"? IS THAT WHAT YOU SAID?

"KEPT ME FROM THE COLD"? IS THAT WHAT YOU SAID? "KEPT ME FROM THE COLD"?

IS THAT WHAT YOU SAID? "KEPT ME FROM THE COLD"? YES, HE SAID, "KEPT ME FROM

"KEPT ME FROM THE COLD"? YES, HE SAID, "KEPT ME FROM THE COLD."

YES, HE SAID, "KEPT ME FROM THE COLD." I THOUGHT YOU JUST TALKED.

THE COLD." I THOUGHT YOU JUST TALKED. I THOUGHT IT WAS ONE AFTERNOON.

I THOUGHT YOU JUST TALKED. I THOUGHT IT WAS ONE AFTERNOON. YOU SAID YOU HAPPENED TO GET A

I THOUGHT IT WAS ONE AFTERNOON. YOU SAID YOU HAPPENED TO GET A RIDE IN THE SAME TRUCK.

YOU SAID YOU HAPPENED TO GET A RIDE IN THE SAME TRUCK. THAT WAS IT.

RIDE IN THE SAME TRUCK. THAT WAS IT. LOOK, LARRY, IT WAS A LONG

THAT WAS IT. LOOK, LARRY, IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.

LOOK, LARRY, IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO. IT WAS DARK.

TIME AGO. IT WAS DARK. THERE WAS A THUNDERSTORM.

IT WAS DARK. THERE WAS A THUNDERSTORM. IT WAS CHILLY.

THERE WAS A THUNDERSTORM. IT WAS CHILLY. IT LOOKED LIKE NIGHT.

IT WAS CHILLY. IT LOOKED LIKE NIGHT. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

IT LOOKED LIKE NIGHT. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. GO AHEAD, KRIS.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. GO AHEAD, KRIS. SING THE SONG.

GO AHEAD, KRIS. SING THE SONG. SING IT. COME ON.

SING THE SONG. SING IT. COME ON. COME ON.

SING IT. COME ON. COME ON. HE WANTS TO HEAR THE REST OF IT.

COME ON. HE WANTS TO HEAR THE REST OF IT. ♪ SOMEWHERE NEAR SALINAS,

HE WANTS TO HEAR THE REST OF IT. ♪ SOMEWHERE NEAR SALINAS, LORD, I LET HER HER SLIP AWAY ♪

♪ SOMEWHERE NEAR SALINAS, LORD, I LET HER HER SLIP AWAY ♪ ♪ LOOKING FOR THE HOME I HOPE

LORD, I LET HER HER SLIP AWAY ♪ ♪ LOOKING FOR THE HOME I HOPE SHE FOUND ♪

♪ LOOKING FOR THE HOME I HOPE SHE FOUND ♪ ♪ I'D TRADE ALL MY TOMORROWS

SHE FOUND ♪ ♪ I'D TRADE ALL MY TOMORROWS FOR SOME SINGLE YESTERDAY ♪

♪ I'D TRADE ALL MY TOMORROWS FOR SOME SINGLE YESTERDAY ♪ ♪ HOLDING BOBBY'S BODY NEXT TO

FOR SOME SINGLE YESTERDAY ♪ ♪ HOLDING BOBBY'S BODY NEXT TO MINE ♪

♪ HOLDING BOBBY'S BODY NEXT TO MINE ♪ "HOLDING BOBBY'S BODY NEXT TO

MINE ♪ "HOLDING BOBBY'S BODY NEXT TO MINE."

"HOLDING BOBBY'S BODY NEXT TO MINE." WAIT, LOOK, I GET THE PICTURE.

MINE." WAIT, LOOK, I GET THE PICTURE. I'M NOT STUPID.

WAIT, LOOK, I GET THE PICTURE. I'M NOT STUPID. I MAY NOT BE A FOLK SINGER, BUT

I'M NOT STUPID. I MAY NOT BE A FOLK SINGER, BUT I AM NOT STUPID.

I MAY NOT BE A FOLK SINGER, BUT I AM NOT STUPID. I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON...

I AM NOT STUPID. I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON... "HOLDING BOBBY'S BODY NEXT

I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON... "HOLDING BOBBY'S BODY NEXT TO MINE."

"HOLDING BOBBY'S BODY NEXT TO MINE." LARRY, I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

TO MINE." LARRY, I DON'T BELIEVE THIS. I DON'T BELIEVE YOU COULD BE...

LARRY, I DON'T BELIEVE THIS. I DON'T BELIEVE YOU COULD BE... LET HIM ANSWER IT!

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU COULD BE... LET HIM ANSWER IT! COME ON, WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED

LET HIM ANSWER IT! COME ON, WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN, FELLA?

COME ON, WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN, FELLA? HEY, FRANK... LARRY...

TO MEAN, FELLA? HEY, FRANK... LARRY... LARRY.

HEY, FRANK... LARRY... LARRY. LARRY! LARRY FARBER.

LARRY. LARRY! LARRY FARBER. YOU'RE IN THE FRONT SEAT OF A

LARRY! LARRY FARBER. YOU'RE IN THE FRONT SEAT OF A TRUCK, AND THERE'S THREE OF YOU,

YOU'RE IN THE FRONT SEAT OF A TRUCK, AND THERE'S THREE OF YOU, AND WHEN YOU GOT A HARPOON...

TRUCK, AND THERE'S THREE OF YOU, AND WHEN YOU GOT A HARPOON... YEAH, SURE.

AND WHEN YOU GOT A HARPOON... YEAH, SURE. AND A BANDANNA, SOMEBODY'S

YEAH, SURE. AND A BANDANNA, SOMEBODY'S BUTT IS GOING TO BE NEXT TO

AND A BANDANNA, SOMEBODY'S BUTT IS GOING TO BE NEXT TO SOMEBODY ELSE'S.

BUTT IS GOING TO BE NEXT TO SOMEBODY ELSE'S. YEAH, HOW'D YOU LIKE TO STEP

SOMEBODY ELSE'S. YEAH, HOW'D YOU LIKE TO STEP OUTSIDE FOR A KNUCKLE SANDWICH?

YEAH, HOW'D YOU LIKE TO STEP OUTSIDE FOR A KNUCKLE SANDWICH? LARRY!

OUTSIDE FOR A KNUCKLE SANDWICH? LARRY! I DON'T CARE WHAT HE WANTS!

LARRY! I DON'T CARE WHAT HE WANTS! COME ON, LET'S GO!

I DON'T CARE WHAT HE WANTS! COME ON, LET'S GO! COME ON, PAL!

COME ON, LET'S GO! COME ON, PAL! HONEY, I WOULD LIKE YOU TO

COME ON, PAL! HONEY, I WOULD LIKE YOU TO MEET SOMEBODY REAL SPECIAL.

HONEY, I WOULD LIKE YOU TO MEET SOMEBODY REAL SPECIAL. THIS IS BOBBY McGEE, AND HER...

MEET SOMEBODY REAL SPECIAL. THIS IS BOBBY McGEE, AND HER... IT'S BOBBY...

THIS IS BOBBY McGEE, AND HER... IT'S BOBBY... BOBBY FARBER NOW, RIGHT.

IT'S BOBBY... BOBBY FARBER NOW, RIGHT. THIS IS MY HUSBAND,

BOBBY FARBER NOW, RIGHT. THIS IS MY HUSBAND, LARRY FARBER, WOMEN'S

THIS IS MY HUSBAND, LARRY FARBER, WOMEN'S POCKETBOOKS.

LARRY FARBER, WOMEN'S POCKETBOOKS. NICE TO MEET YOU.

POCKETBOOKS. NICE TO MEET YOU. IT'S BEAUTIFUL, ISN'T IT?

NICE TO MEET YOU. IT'S BEAUTIFUL, ISN'T IT? OH, THANK YOU.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL, ISN'T IT? OH, THANK YOU. LISTEN, UH, JUST ONE LAST THING

OH, THANK YOU. LISTEN, UH, JUST ONE LAST THING FOR ME, KRIS.

LISTEN, UH, JUST ONE LAST THING FOR ME, KRIS. COULD YOU JUST FINISH THE SONG,

FOR ME, KRIS. COULD YOU JUST FINISH THE SONG, PLEASE?

COULD YOU JUST FINISH THE SONG, PLEASE? A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T BELIEVE...

PLEASE? A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T BELIEVE... ♪ FREEDOM'S JUST ANOTHER

A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T BELIEVE... ♪ FREEDOM'S JUST ANOTHER WORD FOR NOTHIN' LEFT TO LOSE ♪

♪ FREEDOM'S JUST ANOTHER WORD FOR NOTHIN' LEFT TO LOSE ♪ ♪ NOTHING LEFT WITH NOTHING

WORD FOR NOTHIN' LEFT TO LOSE ♪ ♪ NOTHING LEFT WITH NOTHING EVERY DAY ♪

♪ NOTHING LEFT WITH NOTHING EVERY DAY ♪ ♪ NOTHING AIN'T WORTH NOTHING ♪

EVERY DAY ♪ ♪ NOTHING AIN'T WORTH NOTHING ♪ I WROTE THE "NA-NA NA" PART.

♪ NOTHING AIN'T WORTH NOTHING ♪ I WROTE THE "NA-NA NA" PART. YEAH, WHATEVER.

I WROTE THE "NA-NA NA" PART. YEAH, WHATEVER. OKAY?

YEAH, WHATEVER. OKAY? ♪ NA-NA NA ♪

OKAY? ♪ NA-NA NA ♪ ARE WE AT THE "NA-NA NA" PART?

♪ NA-NA NA ♪ ARE WE AT THE "NA-NA NA" PART? ♪ NA-NA NA NA-NA NA NA NA ♪

ARE WE AT THE "NA-NA NA" PART? ♪ NA-NA NA NA-NA NA NA NA ♪ IT WAS GOOD THEN.

♪ NA-NA NA NA-NA NA NA NA ♪ IT WAS GOOD THEN. NOW WHAT'S IT TAKE, HUH?

IT WAS GOOD THEN. NOW WHAT'S IT TAKE, HUH? TAKES TWO WEEKS IN THE CARIBBEAN

NOW WHAT'S IT TAKE, HUH? TAKES TWO WEEKS IN THE CARIBBEAN NOW TO SET YOU STRAIGHT.

TAKES TWO WEEKS IN THE CARIBBEAN NOW TO SET YOU STRAIGHT. LARRY!

NOW TO SET YOU STRAIGHT. LARRY! YEAH, THE CHARGE CARDS, THE

LARRY! YEAH, THE CHARGE CARDS, THE TENNIS LESSONS FOR THE KIDS, THE

YEAH, THE CHARGE CARDS, THE TENNIS LESSONS FOR THE KIDS, THE HOUSE IN BENTON HARBOR, THE

TENNIS LESSONS FOR THE KIDS, THE HOUSE IN BENTON HARBOR, THE ANALYST, THE KIDS' DAMN ANALYST.

HOUSE IN BENTON HARBOR, THE ANALYST, THE KIDS' DAMN ANALYST. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A DAMN FOLK

ANALYST, THE KIDS' DAMN ANALYST. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A DAMN FOLK SINGER!

I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A DAMN FOLK SINGER! LARRY, YOU ARE MAKING A

SINGER! LARRY, YOU ARE MAKING A FOOL...

LARRY, YOU ARE MAKING A FOOL... AW, NO!

FOOL... AW, NO! I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A FOLK SINGER

AW, NO! I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A FOLK SINGER AND GROWN A BEARD!

I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A FOLK SINGER AND GROWN A BEARD! NO, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!

AND GROWN A BEARD! NO, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE! LARRY, YOU'RE MAKING A FOOL

NO, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE! LARRY, YOU'RE MAKING A FOOL OUT OF YOURSELF!

LARRY, YOU'RE MAKING A FOOL OUT OF YOURSELF! YOU WANT ME TO GROW A BEARD?!

OUT OF YOURSELF! YOU WANT ME TO GROW A BEARD?! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YOU WANT ME TO GROW A BEARD?! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THAT'S BOBBY McGEE?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THAT'S BOBBY McGEE? I MEAN, THAT'S BOBBY McGEE?

THAT'S BOBBY McGEE? I MEAN, THAT'S BOBBY McGEE? THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.

I MEAN, THAT'S BOBBY McGEE? THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO. THINGS WERE DIFFERENT IN THE

THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO. THINGS WERE DIFFERENT IN THE '60s.

THINGS WERE DIFFERENT IN THE '60s. WAIT, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK IN A

'60s. WAIT, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK IN A FEW MINUTES, FOLKS.

WAIT, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK IN A FEW MINUTES, FOLKS. PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE THAT

FEW MINUTES, FOLKS. PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE THAT MUCH.

PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE THAT MUCH. YES, SHE HAS CHANGED A LOT.

MUCH. YES, SHE HAS CHANGED A LOT. [APPLAUSE]

MARGIE, HE'S IN THE BATHROOM, SO I'VE GOT TO TALK FAST. OKAY, REMEMBER HOW EILEEN SAID

SO I'VE GOT TO TALK FAST. OKAY, REMEMBER HOW EILEEN SAID THIS WOULD BE THE GREATEST BLIND

OKAY, REMEMBER HOW EILEEN SAID THIS WOULD BE THE GREATEST BLIND DATE OF MY LIFE... HE'S CUTE,

THIS WOULD BE THE GREATEST BLIND DATE OF MY LIFE... HE'S CUTE, HE'S FUN, HE'S A DOCTOR?

DATE OF MY LIFE... HE'S CUTE, HE'S FUN, HE'S A DOCTOR? HE'S MY GYNECOLOGIST.

HE'S FUN, HE'S A DOCTOR? HE'S MY GYNECOLOGIST. BECAUSE SHE NEVER TOLD ME HIS

HE'S MY GYNECOLOGIST. BECAUSE SHE NEVER TOLD ME HIS LAST NAME, THAT'S WHY!

BECAUSE SHE NEVER TOLD ME HIS LAST NAME, THAT'S WHY! WELL, NOTHING'S HAPPENED SO FAR

LAST NAME, THAT'S WHY! WELL, NOTHING'S HAPPENED SO FAR EXCEPT HE SAID MY PAP TEST CAME

WELL, NOTHING'S HAPPENED SO FAR EXCEPT HE SAID MY PAP TEST CAME OUT OKAY.

EXCEPT HE SAID MY PAP TEST CAME OUT OKAY. WELL, I DON'T KNOW, IT'S JUST SO

OUT OKAY. WELL, I DON'T KNOW, IT'S JUST SO AWKWARD.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW, IT'S JUST SO AWKWARD. I MEAN, THE LAST TIME I SAW HIS

AWKWARD. I MEAN, THE LAST TIME I SAW HIS FACE, IT WAS COMING UP BETWEEN

I MEAN, THE LAST TIME I SAW HIS FACE, IT WAS COMING UP BETWEEN MY KNEES.

FACE, IT WAS COMING UP BETWEEN MY KNEES. IT'S EMBARRASSING, AND I DON'T

MY KNEES. IT'S EMBARRASSING, AND I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN GO THROUGH...

IT'S EMBARRASSING, AND I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN GO THROUGH... [DOOR OPENS]

KNOW IF I CAN GO THROUGH... [DOOR OPENS] I GOT TO GET OFF. HE'S COMING.

[DOOR OPENS] I GOT TO GET OFF. HE'S COMING. WELL, "SILENT MOVIE" COMES ON

I GOT TO GET OFF. HE'S COMING. WELL, "SILENT MOVIE" COMES ON AT 8:00, AND "THE OMEN"... IT

WELL, "SILENT MOVIE" COMES ON AT 8:00, AND "THE OMEN"... IT MIGHT BE...

AT 8:00, AND "THE OMEN"... IT MIGHT BE... LOOK, I-I, UM... I DON'T

MIGHT BE... LOOK, I-I, UM... I DON'T THINK I CAN GO THROUGH WITH

LOOK, I-I, UM... I DON'T THINK I CAN GO THROUGH WITH THIS.

THINK I CAN GO THROUGH WITH THIS. WHAT?

THIS. WHAT? GOING OUT WITH YOU.

WHAT? GOING OUT WITH YOU. GOING OUT WITH MY GYNECOLOGIST.

GOING OUT WITH YOU. GOING OUT WITH MY GYNECOLOGIST. WHY?

GOING OUT WITH MY GYNECOLOGIST. WHY? WELL... BECAUSE [SIGHS] I

WHY? WELL... BECAUSE [SIGHS] I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT MOVIE WE'RE

WELL... BECAUSE [SIGHS] I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT MOVIE WE'RE SEEING YET, AND YOU'VE ALREADY

DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT MOVIE WE'RE SEEING YET, AND YOU'VE ALREADY GOTTEN TO THIRD BASE.

SEEING YET, AND YOU'VE ALREADY GOTTEN TO THIRD BASE. [SCOFFS]

GOTTEN TO THIRD BASE. [SCOFFS] HEY, UH, JUDY, ALL I DID WAS

[SCOFFS] HEY, UH, JUDY, ALL I DID WAS PERFORM A PROFESSIONAL SERVICE

HEY, UH, JUDY, ALL I DID WAS PERFORM A PROFESSIONAL SERVICE FOR YOU, JUST LIKE AN

PERFORM A PROFESSIONAL SERVICE FOR YOU, JUST LIKE AN ACCOUNTANT.

FOR YOU, JUST LIKE AN ACCOUNTANT. IT'S LIKE IF YOU WERE DATING

ACCOUNTANT. IT'S LIKE IF YOU WERE DATING YOUR ACCOUNTANT.

IT'S LIKE IF YOU WERE DATING YOUR ACCOUNTANT. HEY, I WOULDN'T MIND IF YOU'D

YOUR ACCOUNTANT. HEY, I WOULDN'T MIND IF YOU'D SEEN THE INSIDE OF MY CHECKBOOK.

HEY, I WOULDN'T MIND IF YOU'D SEEN THE INSIDE OF MY CHECKBOOK. THEN LET'S TALK ABOUT

SEEN THE INSIDE OF MY CHECKBOOK. THEN LET'S TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE, CHANGE THE

THEN LET'S TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE, CHANGE THE SUBJECT.

SOMETHING ELSE, CHANGE THE SUBJECT. THAT'S A GREAT-LOOKING SHIRT YOU

SUBJECT. THAT'S A GREAT-LOOKING SHIRT YOU GOT ON.

THAT'S A GREAT-LOOKING SHIRT YOU GOT ON. WELL, ARE YOU SURE?

GOT ON. WELL, ARE YOU SURE? YOU'VE NEVER SEEN ME IN ANYTHING

WELL, ARE YOU SURE? YOU'VE NEVER SEEN ME IN ANYTHING BUT WHITE PAPER.

YOU'VE NEVER SEEN ME IN ANYTHING BUT WHITE PAPER. HEY, DOESN'T IT EVER GET TO

BUT WHITE PAPER. HEY, DOESN'T IT EVER GET TO YOU... I MEAN, KNOWING THAT

HEY, DOESN'T IT EVER GET TO YOU... I MEAN, KNOWING THAT YOU'VE SEEN THE INSIDE OF MY...

YOU... I MEAN, KNOWING THAT YOU'VE SEEN THE INSIDE OF MY... JUDY, I SEE THESE THINGS ALL

YOU'VE SEEN THE INSIDE OF MY... JUDY, I SEE THESE THINGS ALL THE TIME.

JUDY, I SEE THESE THINGS ALL THE TIME. WELL, THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE.

THE TIME. WELL, THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE. TO YOU, THEY'RE THESE THINGS.

WELL, THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE. TO YOU, THEY'RE THESE THINGS. TO ME, THEY'RE MY THINGS.

TO YOU, THEY'RE THESE THINGS. TO ME, THEY'RE MY THINGS. NO, I DIDN'T MEAN IT THAT

TO ME, THEY'RE MY THINGS. NO, I DIDN'T MEAN IT THAT WAY.

NO, I DIDN'T MEAN IT THAT WAY. IT'S JUST LIKE IF... I MEAN,

WAY. IT'S JUST LIKE IF... I MEAN, IMAGINE LOOKING AT 30 OR 40

IT'S JUST LIKE IF... I MEAN, IMAGINE LOOKING AT 30 OR 40 THINGS A DAY, YOU KNOW, AND IF

IMAGINE LOOKING AT 30 OR 40 THINGS A DAY, YOU KNOW, AND IF YOU CAN'T... IF YOU'RE WORRIED

THINGS A DAY, YOU KNOW, AND IF YOU CAN'T... IF YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT WHAT I REMEMBER ABOUT

YOU CAN'T... IF YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT WHAT I REMEMBER ABOUT YOURS, I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER

ABOUT WHAT I REMEMBER ABOUT YOURS, I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHICH ONE IT WAS.

YOURS, I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHICH ONE IT WAS. YOU CAN'T?

WHICH ONE IT WAS. YOU CAN'T? PROMISE.

YOU CAN'T? PROMISE. THAT IS A RELIEF.

PROMISE. THAT IS A RELIEF. WHEW.

THAT IS A RELIEF. WHEW. [SIGHS]

WHEW. [SIGHS] WELL, IF YOU WANT TO SEE

[SIGHS] WELL, IF YOU WANT TO SEE "SILENT MOVIE," WE OUGHT TO GO

WELL, IF YOU WANT TO SEE "SILENT MOVIE," WE OUGHT TO GO RIGHT NOW.

"SILENT MOVIE," WE OUGHT TO GO RIGHT NOW. YOU REALLY CAN'T REMEMBER ONE

RIGHT NOW. YOU REALLY CAN'T REMEMBER ONE THING?

YOU REALLY CAN'T REMEMBER ONE THING? UNH-UNH.

THING? UNH-UNH. NOT EVEN ABOUT THE, UH, OTHER

UNH-UNH. NOT EVEN ABOUT THE, UH, OTHER HALF?

NOT EVEN ABOUT THE, UH, OTHER HALF? WELL, WHO COULD FORGET THOSE,

HALF? WELL, WHO COULD FORGET THOSE, DARLING?

WELL, WHO COULD FORGET THOSE, DARLING? JOKING, OF COURSE.

DARLING? JOKING, OF COURSE. I'M ONLY KIDDING, YOU SEE.

JOKING, OF COURSE. I'M ONLY KIDDING, YOU SEE. OH.

I'M ONLY KIDDING, YOU SEE. OH. HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.

OH. HEY, WAIT A MINUTE. ARE YOU MAD BECAUSE I DON'T

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE. ARE YOU MAD BECAUSE I DON'T REMEMBER, NOW?

ARE YOU MAD BECAUSE I DON'T REMEMBER, NOW? [Chuckling] OH, NO!

REMEMBER, NOW? [Chuckling] OH, NO! IT'S WONDERFUL TO KNOW THAT THE

[Chuckling] OH, NO! IT'S WONDERFUL TO KNOW THAT THE MAN WHO PROBABLY HAS THE MOST

IT'S WONDERFUL TO KNOW THAT THE MAN WHO PROBABLY HAS THE MOST INTIMATE CONTACT WITH YOUR BODY

MAN WHO PROBABLY HAS THE MOST INTIMATE CONTACT WITH YOUR BODY CAN'T REMEMBER ONE THING.

INTIMATE CONTACT WITH YOUR BODY CAN'T REMEMBER ONE THING. GOOD GOD, JUDY, I'M A DOCTOR.

CAN'T REMEMBER ONE THING. GOOD GOD, JUDY, I'M A DOCTOR. I CAN'T THINK OF MY PATIENTS

GOOD GOD, JUDY, I'M A DOCTOR. I CAN'T THINK OF MY PATIENTS SEXUALLY.

I CAN'T THINK OF MY PATIENTS SEXUALLY. I HAVE TO THINK OF THEM

SEXUALLY. I HAVE TO THINK OF THEM OBJECTIVELY.

I HAVE TO THINK OF THEM OBJECTIVELY. SURE.

OBJECTIVELY. SURE. WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?

SURE. WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE?

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE? YOU'RE THINKING LIKE EVERYBODY

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE? YOU'RE THINKING LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE THINKS.

YOU'RE THINKING LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE THINKS. YOU THINK IT WAS A CHOICE FOR ME

ELSE THINKS. YOU THINK IT WAS A CHOICE FOR ME OF EITHER BEING A GYNECOLOGIST

YOU THINK IT WAS A CHOICE FOR ME OF EITHER BEING A GYNECOLOGIST OR SOME DIRTY OLD MAN IN AN

OF EITHER BEING A GYNECOLOGIST OR SOME DIRTY OLD MAN IN AN ALL-NIGHT MOVIE WITH A NEWSPAPER

OR SOME DIRTY OLD MAN IN AN ALL-NIGHT MOVIE WITH A NEWSPAPER ON MY LAP.

ALL-NIGHT MOVIE WITH A NEWSPAPER ON MY LAP. IT WAS NOT THAT CHOICE.

ON MY LAP. IT WAS NOT THAT CHOICE. DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR

IT WAS NOT THAT CHOICE. DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR ME IN SCHOOL?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR ME IN SCHOOL? ALL MY FRIENDS MADE ME WRITE

ME IN SCHOOL? ALL MY FRIENDS MADE ME WRITE DOWN EVERYTHING I SAW SO THEY

ALL MY FRIENDS MADE ME WRITE DOWN EVERYTHING I SAW SO THEY COULD READ IT IN THE BATHROOM

DOWN EVERYTHING I SAW SO THEY COULD READ IT IN THE BATHROOM LATER.

COULD READ IT IN THE BATHROOM LATER. AND THE OTHER RESIDENTS, MAN...

LATER. AND THE OTHER RESIDENTS, MAN... THEY THOUGHT THEY WERE WORKING

AND THE OTHER RESIDENTS, MAN... THEY THOUGHT THEY WERE WORKING BUT I WAS GETTING A LITTLE.

THEY THOUGHT THEY WERE WORKING BUT I WAS GETTING A LITTLE. WELL?

BUT I WAS GETTING A LITTLE. WELL? WELL, EVERY TIME I WENT OUT

WELL? WELL, EVERY TIME I WENT OUT ON A DATE, ANY WOMAN THAT I WAS

WELL, EVERY TIME I WENT OUT ON A DATE, ANY WOMAN THAT I WAS EVER OUT WITH EVENTUALLY GOT

ON A DATE, ANY WOMAN THAT I WAS EVER OUT WITH EVENTUALLY GOT AROUND TO ASKING WHY I WAS EVER

EVER OUT WITH EVENTUALLY GOT AROUND TO ASKING WHY I WAS EVER INTERESTED IN BEING A

AROUND TO ASKING WHY I WAS EVER INTERESTED IN BEING A GYNECOLOGIST AND, UH, DID I

INTERESTED IN BEING A GYNECOLOGIST AND, UH, DID I THINK ABOUT IT A LOT WHEN I WAS

GYNECOLOGIST AND, UH, DID I THINK ABOUT IT A LOT WHEN I WAS A LITTLE BOY.

THINK ABOUT IT A LOT WHEN I WAS A LITTLE BOY. DID I WANT TO BE ONE THEN?

A LITTLE BOY. DID I WANT TO BE ONE THEN? DID I HAVE BAD THOUGHTS?

DID I WANT TO BE ONE THEN? DID I HAVE BAD THOUGHTS? YOU KNOW, DO I HAVE BAD

DID I HAVE BAD THOUGHTS? YOU KNOW, DO I HAVE BAD THOUGHTS, YOU KNOW?

YOU KNOW, DO I HAVE BAD THOUGHTS, YOU KNOW? DO YOU?

THOUGHTS, YOU KNOW? DO YOU? DOESN'T EVERYBODY?

DO YOU? DOESN'T EVERYBODY? YOU DO, ADMIT IT.

DOESN'T EVERYBODY? YOU DO, ADMIT IT. WELL, I DON'T THINK THAT I

YOU DO, ADMIT IT. WELL, I DON'T THINK THAT I NECESSARILY...

WELL, I DON'T THINK THAT I NECESSARILY... ALL THE TIME, YOU HAVE BAD

NECESSARILY... ALL THE TIME, YOU HAVE BAD THOUGHTS!

ALL THE TIME, YOU HAVE BAD THOUGHTS! COME ON, YOU COULD BE HAVING

THOUGHTS! COME ON, YOU COULD BE HAVING THEM RIGHT NOW.

COME ON, YOU COULD BE HAVING THEM RIGHT NOW. LOOK AT THE WAY YOU CROSS YOUR

THEM RIGHT NOW. LOOK AT THE WAY YOU CROSS YOUR LEGS.

LOOK AT THE WAY YOU CROSS YOUR LEGS. WELL, NO, I...

LEGS. WELL, NO, I... IN FACT, THAT'S PROBABLY WHY

WELL, NO, I... IN FACT, THAT'S PROBABLY WHY YOU STARTED THIS WHOLE DAMN

IN FACT, THAT'S PROBABLY WHY YOU STARTED THIS WHOLE DAMN THING.

YOU STARTED THIS WHOLE DAMN THING. YOU'RE TRYING TO GET IN MY

THING. YOU'RE TRYING TO GET IN MY KNICKERS.

YOU'RE TRYING TO GET IN MY KNICKERS. [Chuckling] WELL...

KNICKERS. [Chuckling] WELL... I'M TEASING.

[Chuckling] WELL... I'M TEASING. IT'S NOT THAT I HAVEN'T

I'M TEASING. IT'S NOT THAT I HAVEN'T NOTICED YOU.

IT'S NOT THAT I HAVEN'T NOTICED YOU. I-I HAVE OCCASIONALLY PEEKED

NOTICED YOU. I-I HAVE OCCASIONALLY PEEKED OVER THE SHEET... ONCE.

I-I HAVE OCCASIONALLY PEEKED OVER THE SHEET... ONCE. [CHUCKLES] AHA!

OVER THE SHEET... ONCE. [CHUCKLES] AHA! YOU SEE, WE'RE GETTING DOWN TO

[CHUCKLES] AHA! YOU SEE, WE'RE GETTING DOWN TO THE NITTY-GRITTY.

YOU SEE, WE'RE GETTING DOWN TO THE NITTY-GRITTY. HEY, IF IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL

THE NITTY-GRITTY. HEY, IF IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER, YOU KNOW, NOBODY EVER

HEY, IF IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER, YOU KNOW, NOBODY EVER GOT FIXED UP WITH THEIR

BETTER, YOU KNOW, NOBODY EVER GOT FIXED UP WITH THEIR GYNECOLOGIST BY ACCIDENT.

GOT FIXED UP WITH THEIR GYNECOLOGIST BY ACCIDENT. I FELT FUNNY ABOUT THIS THING,

GYNECOLOGIST BY ACCIDENT. I FELT FUNNY ABOUT THIS THING, AND SOMEBODY FIXED US UP FOR ME.

I FELT FUNNY ABOUT THIS THING, AND SOMEBODY FIXED US UP FOR ME. THAT'S ALL.

AND SOMEBODY FIXED US UP FOR ME. THAT'S ALL. DO YOU MEAN THAT?

THAT'S ALL. DO YOU MEAN THAT? YEAH.

DO YOU MEAN THAT? YEAH. WHEN YOU WAS PEEKING OVER THE

YEAH. WHEN YOU WAS PEEKING OVER THE SHEET, I WAS PEEKING UNDER IT.

WHEN YOU WAS PEEKING OVER THE SHEET, I WAS PEEKING UNDER IT. [Chuckling] IT'S TRUE.

SHEET, I WAS PEEKING UNDER IT. [Chuckling] IT'S TRUE. HEY, CAN WE BE FRIENDS ABOUT IT?

[Chuckling] IT'S TRUE. HEY, CAN WE BE FRIENDS ABOUT IT? YEAH.

HEY, CAN WE BE FRIENDS ABOUT IT? YEAH. CAN WE GO TO THE MOVIES?

YEAH. CAN WE GO TO THE MOVIES? YEAH.

CAN WE GO TO THE MOVIES? YEAH. LET'S GET OUT.

YEAH. LET'S GET OUT. YOU DID NOTICE.

LET'S GET OUT. YOU DID NOTICE. [APPLAUSE]

YOU DID NOTICE. [APPLAUSE] [BAND PLAYS]

[APPLAUSE] [BAND PLAYS] [INTRODUCTION TO

[BAND PLAYS] [INTRODUCTION TO "EDDIE THE EUNUCH" PLAYS]

♪ EDDIE THE EUNUCH WAS A WEASEL ♪ ♪ NASTY AS AN OLD MAN'S NOSE ♪

WEASEL ♪ ♪ NASTY AS AN OLD MAN'S NOSE ♪ ♪ MAKIN' BELIEVIN' HE WAS

♪ NASTY AS AN OLD MAN'S NOSE ♪ ♪ MAKIN' BELIEVIN' HE WAS EVIL ♪

♪ MAKIN' BELIEVIN' HE WAS EVIL ♪ ♪ STRUTTIN' IN HIS MAMA'S

EVIL ♪ ♪ STRUTTIN' IN HIS MAMA'S CLOTHES, YEAH ♪

♪ STRUTTIN' IN HIS MAMA'S CLOTHES, YEAH ♪ ♪ EDDIE HAD A BAD

CLOTHES, YEAH ♪ ♪ EDDIE HAD A BAD CONNECTION, BABY ♪

♪ EDDIE HAD A BAD CONNECTION, BABY ♪ ♪ NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO BALL ♪

CONNECTION, BABY ♪ ♪ NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO BALL ♪ ♪ SLEEPING IN THE WRONG

♪ NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO BALL ♪ ♪ SLEEPING IN THE WRONG DIRECTION, BABY ♪

♪ SLEEPING IN THE WRONG DIRECTION, BABY ♪ ♪ DREAMIN' HE WAS 10 FEET TALL ♪

DIRECTION, BABY ♪ ♪ DREAMIN' HE WAS 10 FEET TALL ♪ ♪ NOW EDDIE THE EUNUCH IS A

♪ DREAMIN' HE WAS 10 FEET TALL ♪ ♪ NOW EDDIE THE EUNUCH IS A ROCK-'N'-ROLL CRITIC ♪

♪ NOW EDDIE THE EUNUCH IS A ROCK-'N'-ROLL CRITIC ♪ ♪ SUCKIN' LIKE A SUPERSTAR ♪

ROCK-'N'-ROLL CRITIC ♪ ♪ SUCKIN' LIKE A SUPERSTAR ♪ ♪ OH, HOW, HOW ♪

♪ SUCKIN' LIKE A SUPERSTAR ♪ ♪ OH, HOW, HOW ♪ ♪ SLICKER THAN A SHOESHINE ♪

♪ OH, HOW, HOW ♪ ♪ SLICKER THAN A SHOESHINE ♪ ♪ QUICKER THAN A TWO-TIME ♪

♪ SLICKER THAN A SHOESHINE ♪ ♪ QUICKER THAN A TWO-TIME ♪ ♪ EDDIE, WHAT A THANG YOU ARE ♪

♪ QUICKER THAN A TWO-TIME ♪ ♪ EDDIE, WHAT A THANG YOU ARE ♪ ♪ WHOA, WHOA, YEAH ♪

♪ EDDIE, WHAT A THANG YOU ARE ♪ ♪ WHOA, WHOA, YEAH ♪ YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

♪ YOU KNOW THAT EDDIE MAKES A DAMN GOOD LIVIN', BABY ♪ ♪ PUTTIN' OTHER PEOPLE DOWN ♪

DAMN GOOD LIVIN', BABY ♪ ♪ PUTTIN' OTHER PEOPLE DOWN ♪ ♪ OH ♪

♪ PUTTIN' OTHER PEOPLE DOWN ♪ ♪ OH ♪ ♪ EDDIE COULDN'T EVER FORGIVE

♪ OH ♪ ♪ EDDIE COULDN'T EVER FORGIVE THEM, BABY ♪

♪ EDDIE COULDN'T EVER FORGIVE THEM, BABY ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE HE WASN'T

THEM, BABY ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE HE WASN'T JACKSON BROWNE ♪

♪ 'CAUSE HE WASN'T JACKSON BROWNE ♪ ♪ NOW EDDIE THE EUNUCH IS A

JACKSON BROWNE ♪ ♪ NOW EDDIE THE EUNUCH IS A ROCK-'N'-ROLL CRITIC ♪

♪ NOW EDDIE THE EUNUCH IS A ROCK-'N'-ROLL CRITIC ♪ ♪ SUCKIN' LIKE A SUPERSTAR ♪

ROCK-'N'-ROLL CRITIC ♪ ♪ SUCKIN' LIKE A SUPERSTAR ♪ ♪ OH, HOW, HOW ♪

♪ SUCKIN' LIKE A SUPERSTAR ♪ ♪ OH, HOW, HOW ♪ ♪ SLICKER THAN A SHOESHINE ♪

♪ OH, HOW, HOW ♪ ♪ SLICKER THAN A SHOESHINE ♪ ♪ QUICKER THAN A TWO-TIME ♪

♪ SLICKER THAN A SHOESHINE ♪ ♪ QUICKER THAN A TWO-TIME ♪ ♪ EDDIE, WHAT A THANG YOU ARE ♪

♪ QUICKER THAN A TWO-TIME ♪ ♪ EDDIE, WHAT A THANG YOU ARE ♪ ♪ SO ♪

♪ EDDIE, WHAT A THANG YOU ARE ♪ ♪ SO ♪ ♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ SO ♪ ♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪ ♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪ ♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪ ♪ BUT WE LOVE YOU, EDDIE ♪

♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪ ♪ BUT WE LOVE YOU, EDDIE ♪ ♪ AHA-HA ♪

♪ BUT WE LOVE YOU, EDDIE ♪ ♪ AHA-HA ♪ ♪ LOVE YOU, EDDIE ♪

♪ AHA-HA ♪ ♪ LOVE YOU, EDDIE ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪

♪ LOVE YOU, EDDIE ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪ ♪ BUT WE LOVE YOU, EDDIE ♪

♪ YEAH ♪ ♪ BUT WE LOVE YOU, EDDIE ♪ ♪ HA-HA HA ♪

♪ BUT WE LOVE YOU, EDDIE ♪ ♪ HA-HA HA ♪ ♪ LOVE YOU, EDDIE ♪

♪ HA-HA HA ♪ ♪ LOVE YOU, EDDIE ♪ ♪ EDDIE ♪

♪ LOVE YOU, EDDIE ♪ ♪ EDDIE ♪ ♪ BUT WE LOVE YOU, EDDIE ♪

♪ EDDIE ♪ ♪ BUT WE LOVE YOU, EDDIE ♪ ♪ HA-HA HA ♪

♪ BUT WE LOVE YOU, EDDIE ♪ ♪ HA-HA HA ♪ ♪ LOVE YOU, EDDIE ♪

♪ HA-HA HA ♪ ♪ LOVE YOU, EDDIE ♪ ♪ HA ♪

♪ LOVE YOU, EDDIE ♪ ♪ HA ♪ ♪ BUT WE LOVE YOU, EDDIE ♪

♪ HA ♪ ♪ BUT WE LOVE YOU, EDDIE ♪ ♪ HA-HA HA ♪

♪ BUT WE LOVE YOU, EDDIE ♪ ♪ HA-HA HA ♪ ♪ LOVE YOU, EDDIE ♪

♪ HA-HA HA ♪ ♪ LOVE YOU, EDDIE ♪ ♪ YES, WE LOVE YOU, EDDIE ♪

♪ LOVE YOU, EDDIE ♪ ♪ YES, WE LOVE YOU, EDDIE ♪ ♪ HA-HA HA ♪

♪ YES, WE LOVE YOU, EDDIE ♪ ♪ HA-HA HA ♪ ♪ WE LOVE YOU, EDDIE ♪

♪ HA-HA HA ♪ ♪ WE LOVE YOU, EDDIE ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

LET THE CHURCH SAY, "AMEN." AMEN! LET THE CHURCH SAY, "AMEN."

AMEN!

AND I JUST WANT TO SAY A WORD

ABOUT BROTHER JIMMY CARTER.

JIMMY CARTER IS NOT ONE OF YOUR NORTHERN LIBERALS GOING AROUND PROMISING PIE IN THE SKY.

NORTHERN LIBERALS GOING AROUND PROMISING PIE IN THE SKY. AMEN.

PROMISING PIE IN THE SKY. AMEN. AMEN!

AMEN. AMEN! JIMMY CARTER IS A SOUTHERNER

AMEN! JIMMY CARTER IS A SOUTHERNER WHO IS GOING TO GIVE US OUR

JIMMY CARTER IS A SOUTHERNER WHO IS GOING TO GIVE US OUR PIECE OF THE PIE.

WHO IS GOING TO GIVE US OUR PIECE OF THE PIE. HALLELUJAH.

PIECE OF THE PIE. HALLELUJAH. HALLELUJAH!

HALLELUJAH. HALLELUJAH! NOW, WHEN I MARCHED WITH

HALLELUJAH! NOW, WHEN I MARCHED WITH DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING...

NOW, WHEN I MARCHED WITH DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING... AMEN...

DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING... AMEN... AMEN.

AMEN... AMEN. HE PROPHESIED ABOUT A NEW

AMEN. HE PROPHESIED ABOUT A NEW KINGDOM FREE OF THE BURDEN OF

HE PROPHESIED ABOUT A NEW KINGDOM FREE OF THE BURDEN OF RACE.

KINGDOM FREE OF THE BURDEN OF RACE. HALLELUJAH!

RACE. HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!

HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! AND JIMMY CARTER HAS COME

HALLELUJAH! AND JIMMY CARTER HAS COME FROM THAT PART OF THE COUNTRY

AND JIMMY CARTER HAS COME FROM THAT PART OF THE COUNTRY THAT HAS FREED ITSELF FROM THE

FROM THAT PART OF THE COUNTRY THAT HAS FREED ITSELF FROM THE BURDEN OF RACE!

THAT HAS FREED ITSELF FROM THE BURDEN OF RACE! HALLELUJAH!

BURDEN OF RACE! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!

HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! NOW, YOU KNOW, THERE IS

HALLELUJAH! NOW, YOU KNOW, THERE IS SOMETHING PROPHETIC ABOUT THE

NOW, YOU KNOW, THERE IS SOMETHING PROPHETIC ABOUT THE CARTER NAME.

SOMETHING PROPHETIC ABOUT THE CARTER NAME. YEAH.

CARTER NAME. YEAH. DO YOU REALIZE THAT

YEAH. DO YOU REALIZE THAT JIMMY CARTER'S INITIALS ARE

DO YOU REALIZE THAT JIMMY CARTER'S INITIALS ARE J.C.?

JIMMY CARTER'S INITIALS ARE J.C.? HALLELUJAH!

J.C.? HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!

HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! AND JIMMY CARTER IS A CAPRICORN.

HALLELUJAH! AND JIMMY CARTER IS A CAPRICORN. HALLELUJAH!

AND JIMMY CARTER IS A CAPRICORN. HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!

HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! AND JIMMY CARTER IS GOING TO

HALLELUJAH! AND JIMMY CARTER IS GOING TO LEAD ALL OF AMERICA INTO THAT

AND JIMMY CARTER IS GOING TO LEAD ALL OF AMERICA INTO THAT GLORIOUS NEW KINGDOM!

LEAD ALL OF AMERICA INTO THAT GLORIOUS NEW KINGDOM! HALLELUJAH!

GLORIOUS NEW KINGDOM! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!

HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! NOT TODAY, NOT TOMORROW...

HALLELUJAH! NOT TODAY, NOT TOMORROW... NO!

NOT TODAY, NOT TOMORROW... NO! BUT YESTERDAY.

NO! BUT YESTERDAY. HALLELUJAH!

BUT YESTERDAY. HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!

HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! YES, AND J.C. IS GOING TO BE

HALLELUJAH! YES, AND J.C. IS GOING TO BE IN D.C.

YES, AND J.C. IS GOING TO BE IN D.C. HALLELUJAH!

IN D.C. HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!

HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! AND GABRIEL IS GOING TO

HALLELUJAH! AND GABRIEL IS GOING TO ♪ BLO-O-O-W HIS HO-O-O-RN ♪

AND GABRIEL IS GOING TO ♪ BLO-O-O-W HIS HO-O-O-RN ♪ HALLELUJAH!

♪ BLO-O-O-W HIS HO-O-O-RN ♪ HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!

HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE

HALLELUJAH! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, JIMMY CARTER.

NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, JIMMY CARTER. HALLELUJAH!

UNITED STATES, JIMMY CARTER. HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!

HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! [APPLAUSE]

HALLELUJAH! [APPLAUSE] HI, ANDREW.

[APPLAUSE] HI, ANDREW. NICE TO SEE YOU.

HI, ANDREW. NICE TO SEE YOU. THANK YOU.

NICE TO SEE YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU, REPRESENTATIVE YOUNG.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU, REPRESENTATIVE YOUNG. YOU KNOW, BROTHERS AND SISTERS,

THANK YOU, REPRESENTATIVE YOUNG. YOU KNOW, BROTHERS AND SISTERS, IF THERE'S ONE MAN TO WHOM I'M

YOU KNOW, BROTHERS AND SISTERS, IF THERE'S ONE MAN TO WHOM I'M POLITICALLY INDEBTED, IT'S

IF THERE'S ONE MAN TO WHOM I'M POLITICALLY INDEBTED, IT'S ANDY YOUNG, MOST CERTAINLY.

POLITICALLY INDEBTED, IT'S ANDY YOUNG, MOST CERTAINLY. MANY PEOPLE THINK THAT,

ANDY YOUNG, MOST CERTAINLY. MANY PEOPLE THINK THAT, NATURALLY, I'M GOING TO REWARD

MANY PEOPLE THINK THAT, NATURALLY, I'M GOING TO REWARD ANDY YOUNG WITH SOME IMPORTANT

NATURALLY, I'M GOING TO REWARD ANDY YOUNG WITH SOME IMPORTANT POST IN THE CARTER

ANDY YOUNG WITH SOME IMPORTANT POST IN THE CARTER ADMINISTRATION.

POST IN THE CARTER ADMINISTRATION. WELL, I'M HERE TO SAY RIGHT NOW

ADMINISTRATION. WELL, I'M HERE TO SAY RIGHT NOW TO YOU PEOPLE THAT YOU'RE NOT

WELL, I'M HERE TO SAY RIGHT NOW TO YOU PEOPLE THAT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE SEEING ANDY YOUNG

TO YOU PEOPLE THAT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE SEEING ANDY YOUNG DRIVING IN A BIG, FANCY

GOING TO BE SEEING ANDY YOUNG DRIVING IN A BIG, FANCY LIMOUSINE OR LIVING IN SOME BIG

DRIVING IN A BIG, FANCY LIMOUSINE OR LIVING IN SOME BIG MANSION IN GEORGETOWN OR SITTING

LIMOUSINE OR LIVING IN SOME BIG MANSION IN GEORGETOWN OR SITTING IN SOME BIG, EXECUTIVE-LEATHER

MANSION IN GEORGETOWN OR SITTING IN SOME BIG, EXECUTIVE-LEATHER SWIVEL CHAIR.

IN SOME BIG, EXECUTIVE-LEATHER SWIVEL CHAIR. NO, ANDY YOUNG WILL MOST

SWIVEL CHAIR. NO, ANDY YOUNG WILL MOST DEFINITELY NOT RECEIVE A

NO, ANDY YOUNG WILL MOST DEFINITELY NOT RECEIVE A POLITICAL PAYOFF.

DEFINITELY NOT RECEIVE A POLITICAL PAYOFF. HE WILL NOT SERVE IN MY CABINET.

POLITICAL PAYOFF. HE WILL NOT SERVE IN MY CABINET. HE'S GOING TO REMAIN IN THE

HE WILL NOT SERVE IN MY CABINET. HE'S GOING TO REMAIN IN THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES, WHERE

HE'S GOING TO REMAIN IN THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES, WHERE HE CAN SERVE YOU, THE PEOPLE WHO

HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES, WHERE HE CAN SERVE YOU, THE PEOPLE WHO NEED HIM, AS HUMBLY AS

HE CAN SERVE YOU, THE PEOPLE WHO NEED HIM, AS HUMBLY AS HE DID WHEN HE WAS AN AIDE TO

NEED HIM, AS HUMBLY AS HE DID WHEN HE WAS AN AIDE TO OUR FALLEN PROPHET,

HE DID WHEN HE WAS AN AIDE TO OUR FALLEN PROPHET, MARTIN LUTHER KING.

OUR FALLEN PROPHET, MARTIN LUTHER KING. SO REMEMBER, ON NOVEMBER 2nd,

MARTIN LUTHER KING. SO REMEMBER, ON NOVEMBER 2nd, JIMMY CARTER OWES NOTHING TO

SO REMEMBER, ON NOVEMBER 2nd, JIMMY CARTER OWES NOTHING TO NOBODY.

JIMMY CARTER OWES NOTHING TO NOBODY. THANK YOU.

NOBODY. THANK YOU. [LIGHT APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU. [LIGHT APPLAUSE] BUT, JIMMY, THAT'S NOT WHAT

[LIGHT APPLAUSE] BUT, JIMMY, THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU TOLD ME.

BUT, JIMMY, THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU TOLD ME. NEVER MIND, ANDREW, IT'S FOR

YOU TOLD ME. NEVER MIND, ANDREW, IT'S FOR YOUR BENEFIT.

NEVER MIND, ANDREW, IT'S FOR YOUR BENEFIT. I'M JUST TRYING TO ESTABLISH A

YOUR BENEFIT. I'M JUST TRYING TO ESTABLISH A LITTLE CREDIBILITY FOR THE TWO

I'M JUST TRYING TO ESTABLISH A LITTLE CREDIBILITY FOR THE TWO OF US.

LITTLE CREDIBILITY FOR THE TWO OF US. IT'S FOR YOUR BENEFIT.

OF US. IT'S FOR YOUR BENEFIT. JUST REMEMBER THAT.

IT'S FOR YOUR BENEFIT. JUST REMEMBER THAT. [Echoing] IT'S FOR YOU

JUST REMEMBER THAT. [Echoing] IT'S FOR YOU BENEFIT, FOR YOUR BENEFIT.

[Echoing] IT'S FOR YOU BENEFIT, FOR YOUR BENEFIT. IT'S FOR YOUR BENEFIT, ANDREW.

BENEFIT, FOR YOUR BENEFIT. IT'S FOR YOUR BENEFIT, ANDREW. IT'S FOR YOU BENEFIT.

IT'S FOR YOUR BENEFIT, ANDREW. IT'S FOR YOU BENEFIT. IT'S FOR YOUR BENEFIT.

IT'S FOR YOU BENEFIT. IT'S FOR YOUR BENEFIT. FOR YOUR BENEFIT, ANDREW.

IT'S FOR YOUR BENEFIT. FOR YOUR BENEFIT, ANDREW. FOR YOUR BENEFIT.

FOR YOUR BENEFIT, ANDREW. FOR YOUR BENEFIT. PEANUT OIL, PEANUT OIL.

FOR YOUR BENEFIT. PEANUT OIL, PEANUT OIL. PEANUT OIL.

PEANUT OIL, PEANUT OIL. PEANUT OIL. PEANUT OIL, PEANUT OIL.

PEANUT OIL. PEANUT OIL, PEANUT OIL. PEANUT OIL, PEANUT OIL.

PEANUT OIL, PEANUT OIL. PEANUT OIL, PEANUT OIL. PEANUT, PEANUT.

PEANUT OIL, PEANUT OIL. PEANUT, PEANUT. [MOANING]

PEANUT, PEANUT. [MOANING] PEANUT OIL.

[MOANING] PEANUT OIL. ANDREW?

PEANUT OIL. ANDREW? HUH?! HUH?!

ANDREW? HUH?! HUH?! WAKE UP. WHAT'S THE MATTER?

HUH?! HUH?! WAKE UP. WHAT'S THE MATTER? I-I HAD A DREAM.

WAKE UP. WHAT'S THE MATTER? I-I HAD A DREAM. I-I HAD A DREAM.

I-I HAD A DREAM. I-I HAD A DREAM. OH, ANDREW, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

I-I HAD A DREAM. OH, ANDREW, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, NBC's "SATURDAY NIGHT" IS PROUD TO PRESENT, THROUGH THE MEDIUM OF

"SATURDAY NIGHT" IS PROUD TO PRESENT, THROUGH THE MEDIUM OF TELEVISION, A UNIQUE THEATRICAL

PRESENT, THROUGH THE MEDIUM OF TELEVISION, A UNIQUE THEATRICAL EXPERIENCE... OUR PRODUCTION OF

TELEVISION, A UNIQUE THEATRICAL EXPERIENCE... OUR PRODUCTION OF THE AVANT-GARDE CLASSIC

EXPERIENCE... OUR PRODUCTION OF THE AVANT-GARDE CLASSIC "WAITING FOR PARDO."

IS HE COMIN'? I DON'T THINK SO. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN HIM?

I DON'T THINK SO. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN HIM? NO. NOBODY HAS.

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN HIM? NO. NOBODY HAS. WELL, HOW DO YOU KNOW HE

NO. NOBODY HAS. WELL, HOW DO YOU KNOW HE EXISTS?

WELL, HOW DO YOU KNOW HE EXISTS? WHAT?

EXISTS? WHAT? HOW DO YOU KNOW HE EXISTS?

WHAT? HOW DO YOU KNOW HE EXISTS? I'VE HEARD HIM.

HOW DO YOU KNOW HE EXISTS? I'VE HEARD HIM. WHERE? ON GAME SHOWS?

I'VE HEARD HIM. WHERE? ON GAME SHOWS? YES.

WHERE? ON GAME SHOWS? YES. "JEOPARDY!"

YES. "JEOPARDY!" WE CAN'T WAIT MUCH LONGER.

"JEOPARDY!" WE CAN'T WAIT MUCH LONGER. WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME.

WE CAN'T WAIT MUCH LONGER. WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME. Announcer: YES, YOU DO,

WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME. Announcer: YES, YOU DO, BOYS, 'CAUSE HERE'S GOOD NEWS!

SPACE AND TIME ARE EMPIRICALLY

REAL BUT TRANSCENDENTALLY IDEAL,

BILL!

YOURS FROM IMMANUEL KANT, WHERE

TIME AND SPACE WORK HAND IN HAND

FOR YOU!

[SIGHS] WHAT'S IT LIKE? WHAT?

WHAT'S IT LIKE? WHAT? THE FACE OF PARDO.

WHAT? THE FACE OF PARDO. HMM, IT'S BEEN SAID THAT IT'S

THE FACE OF PARDO. HMM, IT'S BEEN SAID THAT IT'S VERY BEAUTIFUL.

HMM, IT'S BEEN SAID THAT IT'S VERY BEAUTIFUL. YES.

VERY BEAUTIFUL. YES. THOUGH NO ONE'S EVER SEEN IT.

YES. THOUGH NO ONE'S EVER SEEN IT. LET'S LOOK FOR IT.

THOUGH NO ONE'S EVER SEEN IT. LET'S LOOK FOR IT. Announcer: KEEP LOOKING,

LET'S LOOK FOR IT. Announcer: KEEP LOOKING, BOYS, 'CAUSE ALL THINGS WHICH

Announcer: KEEP LOOKING, BOYS, 'CAUSE ALL THINGS WHICH ARE ARE IN THEMSELVES OR IN

BOYS, 'CAUSE ALL THINGS WHICH ARE ARE IN THEMSELVES OR IN ANOTHER THING, BILL!

ARE ARE IN THEMSELVES OR IN ANOTHER THING, BILL! ANOTHER QUALITY IDEA FROM

ANOTHER THING, BILL! ANOTHER QUALITY IDEA FROM SPINOZA!

ANOTHER QUALITY IDEA FROM SPINOZA! WELL, HE'S NOT IN HERE.

SPINOZA! WELL, HE'S NOT IN HERE. NOT IN HERE EITHER.

WELL, HE'S NOT IN HERE. NOT IN HERE EITHER. IT'S A STRUGGLE.

NOT IN HERE EITHER. IT'S A STRUGGLE. PUTTING ON YOUR SHOE?

IT'S A STRUGGLE. PUTTING ON YOUR SHOE? NO, PUTTING ON YOURS.

PUTTING ON YOUR SHOE? NO, PUTTING ON YOURS. I THINK WE'RE LOSING THIS

NO, PUTTING ON YOURS. I THINK WE'RE LOSING THIS GAME.

I THINK WE'RE LOSING THIS GAME. Announcer: NO WAY, BIG FELLA!

GAME. Announcer: NO WAY, BIG FELLA! THE PROLETARIANS HAVE NOTHING TO

Announcer: NO WAY, BIG FELLA! THE PROLETARIANS HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE BUT THEIR CHAINS!

THE PROLETARIANS HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE BUT THEIR CHAINS! WORKERS OF THE WORLD UNITE, BOB!

LOSE BUT THEIR CHAINS! WORKERS OF THE WORLD UNITE, BOB! FROM "DAS KAPITAL" BY MARX!

WORKERS OF THE WORLD UNITE, BOB! FROM "DAS KAPITAL" BY MARX! BACK TO YOU, BILL!

FROM "DAS KAPITAL" BY MARX! BACK TO YOU, BILL! TELL ME, YOU LIKE MY T-SHIRT?

BACK TO YOU, BILL! TELL ME, YOU LIKE MY T-SHIRT? I HAVE ONE.

TELL ME, YOU LIKE MY T-SHIRT? I HAVE ONE. BLOOMINGDALE'S?

I HAVE ONE. BLOOMINGDALE'S? MACY'S.

BLOOMINGDALE'S? MACY'S. [SNIFFLES]

MACY'S. [SNIFFLES] LET'S JUST KEEP WAITING.

Announcer: AND YOU'LL BE GLAD

YOU DID, YOU LUCKY DEVILS, YOU,

BECAUSE, FROM THE FABULOUS

"BOOK OF CHANGES" COMES SUCCESS!

IT FURTHERS ONE TO CROSS THE

GREAT WATER!

PERSEVERANCE FURTHERS, BILL!

FROM THE GOOD FOLKS AT I CHING!

HE MUST BE VERY SMART. Announcer: I THINK. THEREFORE, I AM, BILL!

Announcer: I THINK. THEREFORE, I AM, BILL! SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT FROM

THEREFORE, I AM, BILL! SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT FROM RENé DESCARTES OF PARIS!

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT FROM RENé DESCARTES OF PARIS! KNOCK, KNOCK.

RENé DESCARTES OF PARIS! KNOCK, KNOCK. WHO'S THERE?

KNOCK, KNOCK. WHO'S THERE? BOB.

WHO'S THERE? BOB. KNOCK, KNOCK.

BOB. KNOCK, KNOCK. WHO'S THERE?

KNOCK, KNOCK. WHO'S THERE? BILL.

WHO'S THERE? BILL. 100 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE

BILL. 100 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL.

100 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL. 100 BOTTLES OF BEER.

WALL. 100 BOTTLES OF BEER. IF ONE OF THOSE BOTTLES

100 BOTTLES OF BEER. IF ONE OF THOSE BOTTLES SHOULD HAPPEN TO FALL...

IF ONE OF THOSE BOTTLES SHOULD HAPPEN TO FALL... 99 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE

SHOULD HAPPEN TO FALL... 99 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL.

99 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL. 99 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE

WALL. 99 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL.

Announcer: AND WHILE YOU'RE

WAITING FOR PARDO, HAVE A NICE

DAY, BILL!

LOOSELY BASED ON A CONCEPT BY

ROD McKUEN.

BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL? 98 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE

WALL? 98 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL.

98 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL. 98 BOTTLES OF BEER.

WALL. 98 BOTTLES OF BEER. IF ONE OF THOSE BOTTLES...

98 BOTTLES OF BEER. IF ONE OF THOSE BOTTLES... ARE YOU SURE THIS IS THE WAY

IF ONE OF THOSE BOTTLES... ARE YOU SURE THIS IS THE WAY STEVE McQUEEN GOT STARTED?

ARE YOU SURE THIS IS THE WAY STEVE McQUEEN GOT STARTED? [APPLAUSE]

[INTRODUCTION TO "I'VE GOT A LIFE OF MY OWN" PLAYS] ♪ I SAID, I GOT A LIFE OF MY

[LIFE OF MY OWN" PLAYS] ♪ I SAID, I GOT A LIFE OF MY OWN ♪

♪ I SAID, I GOT A LIFE OF MY OWN ♪ ♪ I GOT A LIFE OF MY OWN ♪

OWN ♪ ♪ I GOT A LIFE OF MY OWN ♪ ♪ I SAID, DON'T TRY TO MAKE ME A

♪ I GOT A LIFE OF MY OWN ♪ ♪ I SAID, DON'T TRY TO MAKE ME A PART OF NO PLAN ♪

♪ I SAID, DON'T TRY TO MAKE ME A PART OF NO PLAN ♪ ♪ TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME ALONE ♪

PART OF NO PLAN ♪ ♪ TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME ALONE ♪ ♪ FREEDOM'S A FEELING THAT FEW

♪ TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME ALONE ♪ ♪ FREEDOM'S A FEELING THAT FEW UNDERSTAND ♪

♪ FREEDOM'S A FEELING THAT FEW UNDERSTAND ♪ ♪ AND I GOT A LIFE OF MY OWN ♪

UNDERSTAND ♪ ♪ AND I GOT A LIFE OF MY OWN ♪ ♪ AND I SAID, I OUGHT TO KNOW

♪ AND I GOT A LIFE OF MY OWN ♪ ♪ AND I SAID, I OUGHT TO KNOW WHERE TO SOW MY OWN SEEDS ♪

♪ AND I SAID, I OUGHT TO KNOW WHERE TO SOW MY OWN SEEDS ♪ ♪ AND WHEN I OUGHT TO LEAVE IT

WHERE TO SOW MY OWN SEEDS ♪ ♪ AND WHEN I OUGHT TO LEAVE IT ALONE ♪

♪ AND WHEN I OUGHT TO LEAVE IT ALONE ♪ ♪ OH, OOH ♪

ALONE ♪ ♪ OH, OOH ♪ ♪ TROUBLE'S AN OLD FRIEND ♪

♪ OH, OOH ♪ ♪ TROUBLE'S AN OLD FRIEND ♪ ♪ THAT I DIDN'T NEED THEN ♪

♪ TROUBLE'S AN OLD FRIEND ♪ ♪ THAT I DIDN'T NEED THEN ♪ ♪ I HAD A WIFE OF MY OWN ♪

♪ THAT I DIDN'T NEED THEN ♪ ♪ I HAD A WIFE OF MY OWN ♪ ♪ I GOT A LIFE OF MY OWN ♪

♪ I HAD A WIFE OF MY OWN ♪ ♪ I GOT A LIFE OF MY OWN ♪ SOME PEOPLE.

♪ I GOT A LIFE OF MY OWN ♪ SOME PEOPLE. ♪ I GOT A LIFE OF MY OWN ♪

♪ I CAUGHT A BEER BOTTLE FLAT IN THE FACE ♪ ♪ IT LAID ME BACK TO THE BONE ♪

THE FACE ♪ ♪ IT LAID ME BACK TO THE BONE ♪ ♪ HATE IS A FLAVOR THAT'S UGLY

♪ IT LAID ME BACK TO THE BONE ♪ ♪ HATE IS A FLAVOR THAT'S UGLY TO TASTE ♪

♪ HATE IS A FLAVOR THAT'S UGLY TO TASTE ♪ ♪ I HAD A KNIFE OF MY OWN ♪

TO TASTE ♪ ♪ I HAD A KNIFE OF MY OWN ♪ ♪ AND NOW THEY LEAVE ME ALONE

♪ I HAD A KNIFE OF MY OWN ♪ ♪ AND NOW THEY LEAVE ME ALONE AND ALIVE BY MYSELF ♪

♪ AND NOW THEY LEAVE ME ALONE AND ALIVE BY MYSELF ♪ ♪ LOST IN THE STEEL AND THE

AND ALIVE BY MYSELF ♪ ♪ LOST IN THE STEEL AND THE STONE ♪

♪ LOST IN THE STEEL AND THE STONE ♪ ♪ HOPIN' FOR HEAVEN AND HEADIN'

STONE ♪ ♪ HOPIN' FOR HEAVEN AND HEADIN' FOR HELL ♪

♪ HOPIN' FOR HEAVEN AND HEADIN' FOR HELL ♪ ♪ I GOT A LIFE OF MY OWN ♪

FOR HELL ♪ ♪ I GOT A LIFE OF MY OWN ♪ ♪ I TOLD 'EM, I GOT A LIFE OF MY

♪ I GOT A LIFE OF MY OWN ♪ ♪ I TOLD 'EM, I GOT A LIFE OF MY OWN ♪

♪ I TOLD 'EM, I GOT A LIFE OF MY OWN ♪ I GOT TO QUIT PAYIN' THEM, TOO.

OWN ♪ I GOT TO QUIT PAYIN' THEM, TOO. ♪ I SAID, I GOT A LIFE OF MY

I GOT TO QUIT PAYIN' THEM, TOO. ♪ I SAID, I GOT A LIFE OF MY OWN ♪

♪ I SAID, I GOT A LIFE OF MY OWN ♪ WHOO, AND THEY SAID, "WHO

OWN ♪ WHOO, AND THEY SAID, "WHO CARES?" AND I SAID, "BUDDY, I'LL

WHOO, AND THEY SAID, "WHO CARES?" AND I SAID, "BUDDY, I'LL TELL YOU, I GOT ONE.

CARES? "AND I SAID," BUDDY, I'LL TELL YOU, I GOT ONE. ♪ I GOT A LIFE OF MY OWN ♪

TELL YOU, I GOT ONE. ♪ I GOT A LIFE OF MY OWN ♪ THEY SAID, "THAT'S SOME LIFE.

♪ I GOT A LIFE OF MY OWN ♪ THEY SAID, "THAT'S SOME LIFE. LOOK AT YOU."

THEY SAID, "THAT'S SOME LIFE. LOOK AT YOU." ♪ I GOT A LIFE ♪

LOOK AT YOU." ♪ I GOT A LIFE ♪ ♪ OF MY OWN ♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[BAND PLAYS] ALL RIGHT, I JUST WANT TO THANK ALL THE PEOPLE WHO LET US

ALL RIGHT, I JUST WANT TO THANK ALL THE PEOPLE WHO LET US BE ON THIS SHOW WITH ALL THE

THANK ALL THE PEOPLE WHO LET US BE ON THIS SHOW WITH ALL THE CRAZY PEOPLE THAT WORK ON IT.

BE ON THIS SHOW WITH ALL THE CRAZY PEOPLE THAT WORK ON IT. THEY GOT ONE OF THE GREATEST

CRAZY PEOPLE THAT WORK ON IT. THEY GOT ONE OF THE GREATEST STUDIO BANDS THERE PROBABLY IS

THEY GOT ONE OF THE GREATEST STUDIO BANDS THERE PROBABLY IS ANYWHERE, AND I GOT ONE OF THE

STUDIO BANDS THERE PROBABLY IS ANYWHERE, AND I GOT ONE OF THE BEST BANDS, TOO.

ANYWHERE, AND I GOT ONE OF THE BEST BANDS, TOO. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

BEST BANDS, TOO. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] HEY, IT'S SUCH A DAMN PLEASURE

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] HEY, IT'S SUCH A DAMN PLEASURE TO WORK ANYPLACE WHERE YOU GOT

HEY, IT'S SUCH A DAMN PLEASURE TO WORK ANYPLACE WHERE YOU GOT ANY REAL IMAGINATION THAT'S

TO WORK ANYPLACE WHERE YOU GOT ANY REAL IMAGINATION THAT'S WORKING, AND I GOT A GREAT BAND

ANY REAL IMAGINATION THAT'S WORKING, AND I GOT A GREAT BAND AND GREAT GIRLS BACK THERE

WORKING, AND I GOT A GREAT BAND AND GREAT GIRLS BACK THERE WORKING WITH ME, TOO.

AND GREAT GIRLS BACK THERE WORKING WITH ME, TOO. GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

WORKING WITH ME, TOO. GOD BLESS YOU ALL. THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL. THANKS FOR EVERYTHING. [BAND PLAYS]

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING. [BAND PLAYS] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HI, THIS IS DAN AYKROYD, ONE

OF THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME

PLAYERS, INVITING YOU TO WATCH

"THE BEACH BOYS SPECIAL" ON NBC

ON THURSDAY, AUGUST 5th.

SOME OF US FROM "SATURDAY NIGHT"

WERE INVOLVED IN THE PRODUCTION,

AND YOU'LL BE NEATLY SURPRISED.

SAND, SUN, SAND, SUN, SAND, SUN,

AND MORE.

THAT'S THE BEACH BOYS, THURSDAY,

AUGUST 5th ON NBC.

THANKS A LOT. GOOD NIGHT.

[APPLAUSE CONTINUES]