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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,669 --> 00:00:02,470 EVERYBODY HATES CHRIS #059 "Everybody Hates Run-DMC" CLOSED CAPTIONED 2 00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:02,970 ("You Be Illin'" by Run-DMC playing) 3 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:07,775 (record scratches) 4 00:00:07,808 --> 00:00:11,112 CHRIS ROCK: For as long as I can remember, music was a part of my life. 5 00:00:11,145 --> 00:00:15,416 And in 1986, the biggest act in the world was Run-DMC. 6 00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:19,653 * One day when I was chillin' in Kentucky Fried Chicken * 7 00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:23,457 * Just minding my business, eatin' food and finger lickin' * 8 00:00:23,491 --> 00:00:26,660 * This dude walked in looking strange and kind of funny * 9 00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:28,329 What you listening to, young blood? 10 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:29,763 Young blood... 11 00:00:29,797 --> 00:00:31,099 what you listening to? 12 00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:32,200 Run-DMC. 13 00:00:32,233 --> 00:00:33,834 What kind of name is "Run"? 14 00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,436 Ain't that a verb, everybody? 15 00:00:35,469 --> 00:00:36,570 (men chuckling) 16 00:00:36,604 --> 00:00:37,705 Going to that concert? 17 00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:40,108 I wish. It's sold out. 18 00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:43,111 I've got a guy that's gonna give me two tickets tomorrow. 19 00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:44,545 They're yours for $200. 20 00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:46,714 I don't have $200. I'll take 'em. 21 00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:48,449 Okay, I'll have them tomorrow at 6:00. 22 00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:50,118 And I'm gonna need cash. 23 00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:52,120 Now I don't take check, credit, 24 00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:53,787 pesos, rubles, 25 00:00:53,821 --> 00:00:56,224 wampums, ducats or wherewithal. 26 00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:57,158 No problem. 27 00:00:57,191 --> 00:00:59,860 As long as you can also loan me $200. 28 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:00,861 Hey, everybody. 29 00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:02,496 Hey, what's going on? Hey. 30 00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:05,266 Manny, you mind if I leave these here? What is it? 31 00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:08,702 Applications for my BFD Scholarship. 32 00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:10,138 BFD? 33 00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:11,739 Black Funeral Directors. 34 00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:13,507 What I was thinking wasn't even close. 35 00:01:13,541 --> 00:01:15,476 (chuckles): You, too, right? 36 00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:16,744 So if you know of any young men 37 00:01:16,777 --> 00:01:20,448 who would like to learn about the wonderful world of death, 38 00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:24,385 this scholarship is worth $250. 39 00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,187 Sounds like ticket money to me. 40 00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:27,155 I'm interested. 41 00:01:27,188 --> 00:01:28,422 Interested in free money. 42 00:01:28,456 --> 00:01:29,790 Oh, I didn't know you were interested 43 00:01:29,823 --> 00:01:31,325 in the bereaved and deceased. 44 00:01:31,359 --> 00:01:33,294 I'm not. 45 00:01:33,327 --> 00:01:34,895 This is a lot easier than I thought it would be. 46 00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:37,265 I was thinking the exact same thing. 47 00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:40,768 All you have to do is sign right here 48 00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:42,536 and you're the new BFD scholar. 49 00:01:42,570 --> 00:01:43,637 Good. 50 00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:45,239 Now when do I get the money? 51 00:01:45,273 --> 00:01:47,208 Oh, as soon as you're done with the program. 52 00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:49,810 Will I be done with the program by tomorrow at 6:00? 53 00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:51,279 Oh, it's gonna take longer than that 54 00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:53,181 to learn all you need to know about death. 55 00:01:53,214 --> 00:01:56,317 No, it's not, because right now I'm having a heart attack. 56 00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:59,553 (beat-boxing) 57 00:01:59,587 --> 00:02:03,657 Captioning sponsored by PARAMOUNT TELEVISION 58 00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:07,195 * Aw, make it funky now 59 00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:30,984 While I waited for my scholarship money, 60 00:02:31,018 --> 00:02:33,921 I was researching other ways to get some cash. 61 00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:35,189 Give you an advance on your pay? 62 00:02:35,223 --> 00:02:38,259 Yeah, and I'll pay you back soon as I get my scholarship money. 63 00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:40,528 That sounds like a good plan. 64 00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:42,563 But what happens if you get killed? 65 00:02:42,596 --> 00:02:43,897 I haven't thought about that. 66 00:02:43,931 --> 00:02:45,299 Ain't that nothing. 67 00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:46,600 You learning about death 68 00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:49,203 and ain't even thought about dying. 69 00:02:49,237 --> 00:02:51,572 Death can happen at any moment, son. 70 00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:53,641 It can happen when you're happy, 71 00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:56,344 when you're sad, or when you owe somebody money. 72 00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:58,246 Translation: no. 73 00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:02,316 While I was hurting for cash, my mother was in pain. 74 00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:04,385 So the chart says you got pain in your shoulder. 75 00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:05,286 How did you do this? 76 00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:07,721 I was reaching for something 77 00:03:07,755 --> 00:03:09,357 and I must've overextended. 78 00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:10,824 That's one way of putting it. 79 00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:14,295 Boy, didn't I tell you about throwing that ball?! 80 00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:16,230 Mama, I didn't mean to break it, I'm sorry. 81 00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:18,232 Oh, your behind gonna be sorry. 82 00:03:18,266 --> 00:03:20,234 Ow! Ow! 83 00:03:20,268 --> 00:03:23,404 Went too far back on the wind-up, didn't you? 84 00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:24,171 Yeah! 85 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,340 You know that boy broke a $60 lamp 86 00:03:26,374 --> 00:03:29,343 when I told him do not throw a ball in the house. 87 00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:31,312 Next time, just stretch first. 88 00:03:31,345 --> 00:03:32,813 Stretch? 89 00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:34,948 Nothing helps you give better ass whuppings than yoga. 90 00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:37,285 It's part of the proper technique. 91 00:03:38,486 --> 00:03:40,988 There are various techniques that you can use to avoid injury 92 00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:42,189 while delivering an ass whupping. 93 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,925 There's the Two-Cheek Cross, the Roundhouse Booty Buster, 94 00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:47,628 or my personal favorite: the Kunta Kinte Will Breaker. 95 00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:50,331 In the wrong hands, a beating can be called child abuse. 96 00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:52,032 But in the right hands, it could be the difference 97 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:54,535 between raising a Bill Gates or a Bobby Brown. 98 00:03:58,472 --> 00:03:59,373 Read this. 99 00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:01,575 If you rest your arm in a sling for a week, 100 00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:02,743 you'll be fine. 101 00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:04,378 A week? I can't rest for a week. 102 00:04:04,412 --> 00:04:06,480 I got to cook and clean. You're hurt. 103 00:04:06,514 --> 00:04:08,349 Make those kids do it. 104 00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:11,285 Strap me up. Mm-hmm. 105 00:04:11,319 --> 00:04:14,622 My mother had a sling, while my father had ch-ching. 106 00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,357 What's this? 107 00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:17,891 I've got a fun project for you. 108 00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:20,928 My father was famous for his fun projects. 109 00:04:25,533 --> 00:04:27,835 JULIUS: Isn't this fun? 110 00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:30,471 What is this stuff anyway? Asbestos. 111 00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:32,640 We're gonna save a lot of money on heat this year. 112 00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:34,975 I need you to roll these quarters. 113 00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:36,377 40 in each roll. 114 00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:39,380 You think you can handle that, baby? 115 00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:40,481 Okay, Daddy. 116 00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:42,550 That's my girl. 117 00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:45,386 I had a hundred dollars saved, and I had to get the rest 118 00:04:45,419 --> 00:04:49,089 or my chance to see Run-DMC was gonna be G-O-N-E. 119 00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:50,824 So, Dad, can I borrow a hundred dollars 120 00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:52,560 until my scholarship money arrives? 121 00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:53,727 That depends. 122 00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:55,363 Can I borrow it back two seconds later? 123 00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:56,597 For what? 124 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:57,798 Books. 125 00:04:57,831 --> 00:04:59,433 Mr. Omar gave you a scholarship. 126 00:04:59,467 --> 00:05:00,901 What, he can't give you the books? 127 00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:02,370 I get $250. 128 00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:03,371 Wow. 129 00:05:03,404 --> 00:05:05,506 They got any more scholarships around here? 130 00:05:05,539 --> 00:05:06,374 I don't know. 131 00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:07,941 The Future Crackheads of America 132 00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:09,109 had a scholarship, 133 00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,345 but they used that up on Flavor Flav. 134 00:05:11,379 --> 00:05:14,047 Well, I guess it's for a good cause. 135 00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:15,949 Turn around so I can get the money. 136 00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:19,820 Okay. 137 00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:23,424 I never did find out where my father kept his secret stash. 138 00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:24,525 Here you go. 139 00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:27,395 Thanks, Dad. 140 00:05:27,428 --> 00:05:28,629 Thank you. 141 00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:31,799 My father held onto cash so tight, 142 00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:34,001 George Washington couldn't breathe. 143 00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:37,004 39... 144 00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:39,373 40. 145 00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:43,477 According to math, the roll was perfect. 146 00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:44,912 But according to Tanya, 147 00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:48,549 39 quarters looked a lot neater than 40. 148 00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:49,650 That's better. 149 00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:53,521 Bam! 150 00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:55,423 We're going to the Run-DMC concert. 151 00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:57,124 Dude, this is incredible. 152 00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:59,560 I promise I'll pay you back, ten dollars a week. 153 00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,462 This is the best thing anyone's ever done for me 154 00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:03,397 since my mom took me back from the foster home. 155 00:06:03,431 --> 00:06:04,998 Well, we couldn't miss the greatest concert of the year. 156 00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:06,133 Where'd you get the money? 157 00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:07,735 Oh, my dad loaned it to me 158 00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,503 and I'm gonna pay him back with my scholarship money. 159 00:06:09,537 --> 00:06:10,571 What scholarship? 160 00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:11,505 BFD. 161 00:06:11,539 --> 00:06:12,573 Never heard of that one before. 162 00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:14,442 But I'm guessing acronyms today-- 163 00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:15,776 Black Funeral Directors. 164 00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:17,545 Yeah, you have a scholarship? 165 00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:18,378 Yeah, I've got four: 166 00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:20,548 Future Physicists, Future Pharmacists, 167 00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:22,149 Future Futurists, and Sons of Izzo. 168 00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:23,116 Who's Izzo? 169 00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:25,085 It's an Italian thing, you wouldn't understand. 170 00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:26,487 Oh. 171 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,088 So you want to be a funeral director? 172 00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:29,990 No, I just want to see Run-DMC. 173 00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:31,925 Duh! 174 00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:33,661 My mother was about to win an Emmy 175 00:06:33,694 --> 00:06:35,729 for best exaggerated injury. 176 00:06:35,763 --> 00:06:37,197 Yeah, get the pillow. 177 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,499 Ooh. 178 00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:39,967 Oh... 179 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,769 Now I wish I wasn't hurt, 180 00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:43,504 but I am. 181 00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:45,939 So I'm gonna need you two to pick up the slack around here, 182 00:06:45,973 --> 00:06:47,508 okay? What do we have to do? 183 00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:49,677 (sighs): Not a lot. 184 00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:52,245 All of this?! 185 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:55,082 Now you can appreciate all the hard work I do around here. 186 00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:56,149 Ow! Ow! 187 00:06:56,183 --> 00:06:58,151 Drew, go get my turtles. 188 00:06:58,886 --> 00:07:00,488 Tanya, put my feet up. 189 00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:02,456 You know my ankles swell. 190 00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:03,557 Pass me the remote. 191 00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:07,194 Move out the way. 192 00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:09,630 You're blocking the TV. 193 00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:10,964 (applause on TV) 194 00:07:10,998 --> 00:07:12,866 Now that's what I'm talking about. 195 00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:14,535 Come on here, girl. 196 00:07:14,568 --> 00:07:15,869 You can do it, sister. 197 00:07:15,903 --> 00:07:18,472 Come on, joker...! Come on, joker! 198 00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:20,007 Yes! 199 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,910 You should've seen her when she watched Card Sharks. 200 00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:25,613 Now that I was going to the show, 201 00:07:25,646 --> 00:07:28,516 I couldn't wait for Mr. Omar to show me the money. 202 00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:30,417 Hey, Mr. Omar, 203 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,520 I was just wondering what I needed to do 204 00:07:32,553 --> 00:07:33,453 to finish up my scholarship work. 205 00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:36,189 Oh, I appreciate your enthusiasm, Chris. 206 00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:38,726 As you know, death doesn't wait, so come on in. 207 00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:40,661 I'm just finishing up my preparation 208 00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:41,762 for the death Jubilee. 209 00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:42,830 Sweep that up. 210 00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:43,997 Death Jubilee? 211 00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:46,033 Oh, it's only the biggest event of the year. 212 00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:47,568 It's like the auto show. 213 00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:49,036 If you drive a hearse. 214 00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:50,871 Now, look, I need you to collate these, 215 00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:52,773 fold these, take both of them, 216 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,241 slide them into here, okay? 217 00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:55,976 I need you to iron that shirt, take the suit 218 00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:57,678 to the cleaners, shine my shoes, 219 00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:59,112 get me a paper on the corner... 220 00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:01,615 I got a lotta more stuff for you to do later. 221 00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:03,951 Oh, the Death Jubilee is all day tomorrow, 222 00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,085 so get your rest. 223 00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:06,754 You mean get your rest in peace. 224 00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:08,121 Now when you think I'll be done? 225 00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:09,823 Oh, you should be done by Tuesday. 226 00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:11,959 Tuesday? But I have somewhere to go on Monday. 227 00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,727 Go on Tuesday. I can't. 228 00:08:13,761 --> 00:08:14,662 Tragic. 229 00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:15,896 Not as tragic 230 00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:17,631 as missing Run-DMC. 231 00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:23,904 At the Death Jubilee, 232 00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:26,874 I was beginning to realize that the BFD 233 00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:27,808 was a bunch of BS. 234 00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:31,679 Hey, Omar, the scholarship idea? Genius. 235 00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:34,582 Hey, I could never afford to come to this convention before 236 00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:35,683 'cause it cost so much for help. 237 00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:37,117 But you call it a scholarship 238 00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:39,219 and you get help for less than half the price. 239 00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:41,622 (chuckling) Hey, did you guys see the women 240 00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:42,455 over in the bereavement hall? 241 00:08:42,489 --> 00:08:44,992 If you thought last year was good, 242 00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,259 this year is ridiculous. 243 00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:47,227 Oh, you think that's ridiculous? 244 00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:49,763 Did you see the girl standing by the hearse? 245 00:08:49,797 --> 00:08:50,964 Now she's bad for business. 246 00:08:50,998 --> 00:08:52,633 Who's gonna die with her standing around. 247 00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:53,634 (cackles) 248 00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,603 Oh, my God. 249 00:08:55,636 --> 00:08:57,337 You know Mrs. Eisenberg? She called me. 250 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,840 Mrs. Eisenberg, Mrs. Eisenberg? Yeah. 251 00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:00,908 You're kidding. 252 00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:02,242 I'm not kidding you. We went out. 253 00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:03,343 She's a firecracker. 254 00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:04,978 Almost gave me a heart attack. 255 00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:06,714 I told you not to mess with her. 256 00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:08,749 Well, her husband was on bed rest for a year. 257 00:09:08,782 --> 00:09:09,750 What can you expect? 258 00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:10,684 I didn't expect that. 259 00:09:10,718 --> 00:09:12,853 (laughing) 260 00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:13,921 Hey, tragic. 261 00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:16,089 (laughing) 262 00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:17,958 I'm done. 263 00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:19,627 What do you want me to do with this? 264 00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:22,930 Oh. Right... here. 265 00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:28,201 You know, you might have a future in this after all. 266 00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:30,838 Back at home, my mother found that taking it easy 267 00:09:30,871 --> 00:09:33,140 was gonna be harder than she thought. 268 00:09:35,743 --> 00:09:37,611 Hey, Mom, how do you fold this? 269 00:09:37,645 --> 00:09:39,647 With your hands, dummy. 270 00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:47,020 Hey, Mom, 271 00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:49,823 can you clean burnt spaghetti sauce with bleach? 272 00:09:49,857 --> 00:09:51,625 If you want to die. 273 00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:55,062 DREW: Hey, Mom! 274 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,031 TANYA: Mom...! 275 00:09:58,065 --> 00:09:59,099 Ma..! 276 00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:00,768 Mom! 277 00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:03,671 While my mother's legs were getting stronger, 278 00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:06,606 Mr. Omar's little black book was getting fatter. 279 00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:16,984 Oh, thank you so much 280 00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:18,652 for stopping by. 281 00:10:18,686 --> 00:10:21,655 Now you be sure and call me now, okay? 282 00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:23,023 All right? 283 00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:29,496 Hey. 284 00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:31,364 Oh, did you pass out the pamphlets? 285 00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:32,666 Yeah... 286 00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:33,667 Only to the pretty ones? 287 00:10:33,701 --> 00:10:34,868 Yeah. 288 00:10:34,902 --> 00:10:37,170 So, you're supposed to be telling me about your business? 289 00:10:37,204 --> 00:10:38,238 What you want to know? 290 00:10:38,271 --> 00:10:41,709 Well, what made you want to work with dead people? 291 00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:43,276 You see, there's something you need to know 292 00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:44,277 about the funeral business. 293 00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:46,046 It's not about servicing the dead. 294 00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:49,683 It's about comforting the living. 295 00:10:49,717 --> 00:10:50,951 And some of the living need 296 00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,252 a little more comforting than others. 297 00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:54,121 Go out to the truck, get us some pamphlets. 298 00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:55,689 I'll be right back. 299 00:10:57,891 --> 00:10:59,126 Toast? 300 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:00,728 Toast for dinner? 301 00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:02,095 Tonya can't cook 302 00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:03,797 and it's the best that I could do 303 00:11:03,831 --> 00:11:04,932 in the condition that I'm in. 304 00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:07,234 She's using most of her energy faking being hurt. 305 00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:08,869 Ow! 306 00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:10,403 Thank you. 307 00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:13,707 Chris, why don't you pass the toast around? 308 00:11:13,741 --> 00:11:14,607 See? I got 309 00:11:14,641 --> 00:11:17,978 wheat toast and white toast and raisin 310 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,880 and crust and crustless. 311 00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:21,114 No pumpernickel? 312 00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:24,818 Mommy also has grape jelly, strawberry jelly, hot sauce... 313 00:11:24,852 --> 00:11:25,853 Hot sauce? 314 00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:26,787 Hot sauce? ...cinnamon, 315 00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:29,322 ...honey and syrup to dip your crust in. 316 00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,491 Hot sauce? 317 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,761 Um, did you finish up those quarters like I asked? 318 00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:34,962 Yep, ten rolls. 319 00:11:34,995 --> 00:11:35,929 Good girl. 320 00:11:35,963 --> 00:11:37,898 Hey, Chris, can you pass me the hot sauce? 321 00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:39,733 Hot sauce? 322 00:11:39,767 --> 00:11:41,434 So Chris, how was your day? 323 00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:43,470 Did you learn anything about the funeral business? 324 00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:45,238 I learned it was heavy. 325 00:11:45,272 --> 00:11:46,306 Yeah, I bet it is. 326 00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:47,474 You enjoying those books? 327 00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:49,309 Yeah, they're great. 328 00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:51,912 Pass me the big piece of toast. 329 00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:56,383 Honey, how much longer you gonna be in that sling? 330 00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:57,885 Until we run out of bread. 331 00:11:57,918 --> 00:11:59,119 I don't know, Julius. 332 00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:01,354 As soon as I'm healed and fully recovered, 333 00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:02,389 I'll let you know. 334 00:12:03,991 --> 00:12:04,958 Ow! 335 00:12:04,992 --> 00:12:07,494 While my mother was milking her injury, 336 00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:08,561 I was being trained. 337 00:12:08,595 --> 00:12:11,531 First, I must say you're really doing a great job. 338 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,233 Well, what do I have to do today? 339 00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:15,502 Ah, just polish a few coffins. 340 00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:17,304 A few? 341 00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:18,839 How long is this gonna take? 342 00:12:18,872 --> 00:12:19,873 I don't know. 343 00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:21,875 Well, you think I'll be done by tomorrow night? 344 00:12:21,909 --> 00:12:23,777 Because I have somewhere to go and it's really important. 345 00:12:23,811 --> 00:12:25,913 Chris, there's nothing more important 346 00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:27,915 than fulfilling your responsibilities. 347 00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:30,483 That's what this scholarship is all about: service. 348 00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:31,985 So do your best. 349 00:12:32,019 --> 00:12:33,821 If you get it done, 350 00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:35,522 tomorrow you can do whatever you want. 351 00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:37,791 Okay, well, how clean do they have to be? 352 00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:41,028 Well, I need you to make these 353 00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:44,965 look like this, all right? 354 00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:46,533 So do your best. 355 00:12:46,566 --> 00:12:47,801 I'll see you later. 356 00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:48,936 Lock up after you leave. 357 00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:50,537 You are the best. 358 00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:58,812 By the time I finished cleaning those coffins, 359 00:12:58,846 --> 00:13:01,414 I almost needed one, but it was worth it 360 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:04,084 because come tomorrow, I was gonna have the time of my life. 361 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,518 What time do you want to meet 362 00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:07,154 and go to the Garden? You know what? 363 00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:09,422 You go without me and I'll meet you down there. What? 364 00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:11,859 I have to go by the funeral parlor after school 365 00:13:11,892 --> 00:13:13,827 to make sure there's nothing Mr. Omar wants me to do. 366 00:13:13,861 --> 00:13:15,262 I don't want to have him think 367 00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,464 there's any reason for him not to give me my money. 368 00:13:17,497 --> 00:13:18,465 I don't know why you took 369 00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:19,299 that scholarship anyway. 370 00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:22,369 Did you have $200 for concert tickets? 371 00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:23,470 No. Here. 372 00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:24,471 Don't be illing, man. 373 00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:25,839 I'll see you at 7:30. 374 00:13:25,873 --> 00:13:26,840 All right. 375 00:13:26,874 --> 00:13:28,341 For my father, 376 00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:30,243 coin-cashing day was better than Christmas morning. 377 00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:32,312 $97.50. 378 00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:33,580 No, that can't be right. 379 00:13:33,613 --> 00:13:35,282 I know I had a hundred dollars here. 380 00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:36,884 Did you count it? No. 381 00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:38,318 Well, I did. It was $97.50. 382 00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:39,920 Well, maybe you made a mistake. 383 00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:41,188 No, maybe you made a mistake. 384 00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:42,222 You think you're the first person 385 00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:43,590 try to skim a few quarters past us? 386 00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:45,926 Actually, he was the first person to try it, 387 00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:47,460 but that was a long time ago. 388 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:53,133 Back at Mr. Omar's, it was almost quitting time 389 00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:56,069 and I was three minutes away from Run-DMC. 390 00:13:56,103 --> 00:13:57,971 Hey, Greg. Yeah. 391 00:13:58,005 --> 00:13:59,639 So we're still good, right? 392 00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:00,874 Oh, okay. 393 00:14:00,908 --> 00:14:02,910 No, all I have to do is lock up. 394 00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:05,312 I'm out of here in, like, two minutes. 395 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,915 So I'll meet you at the Garden? 396 00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:09,983 All right, cool. 397 00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:14,054 I had finished all my dealings with death 398 00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:16,223 and now it was time to get ill. 399 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:22,562 Excuse me. Can you help me? 400 00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:26,066 I can... but I don't want to. 401 00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:32,539 Sorry. 402 00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:33,673 I was just locking up, 403 00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,909 but I'm sure Mr. Omar could talk to you in the morning. 404 00:14:35,943 --> 00:14:37,410 Oh, it'll only take a minute. 405 00:14:37,444 --> 00:14:38,946 You see, my husband passed 406 00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:41,248 and Mr. Omar wanted me to bring a tie 407 00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:42,382 to go with the outfit, 408 00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:44,985 and I just can't decide. 409 00:14:45,018 --> 00:14:46,086 What do you think? 410 00:14:46,119 --> 00:14:47,087 Blue or green? 411 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,688 Green. 412 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:51,358 Oh, yeah, green. 413 00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:52,359 Leonard liked green. 414 00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:53,994 Okay. 415 00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:56,196 Well, I'm gonna give this to Mr. Omar in the morning, 416 00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,197 but we can leave. 417 00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:58,198 Yeah. 418 00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:00,267 Maybe blue would be better. 419 00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:02,602 He was an executive, you know. 420 00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:04,471 Okay. 421 00:15:04,504 --> 00:15:06,006 Blue it is. 422 00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:11,211 No, you're right. Green. 423 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:12,545 Now tell me, 424 00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:14,047 do you think I should get socks 425 00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:16,083 to match the tie? 426 00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:18,051 This will only take a minute... 427 00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:19,252 in old people time. 428 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,324 That's perfect. 429 00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:27,427 You remind me of him, you know? 430 00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:32,065 He used to have that same look you have right now. 431 00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:34,167 Frustration? 432 00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:36,003 You keep looking at the clock. 433 00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:38,071 Is there someplace you supposed to be? 434 00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:39,672 Yeah, I'm supposed to be meeting a friend. 435 00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:42,575 Oh, that's nice. 436 00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:44,177 I don't mean to hold you up. 437 00:15:44,211 --> 00:15:45,512 Then let me go. 438 00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:48,081 Leonard had friends now. 439 00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:50,050 Yes, there was Earl, 440 00:15:50,083 --> 00:15:53,186 Louis, Zeke, Sonny. 441 00:15:53,220 --> 00:15:56,089 Sonny, Sonny had one eye 442 00:15:56,123 --> 00:15:58,525 and he got into a fight 443 00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:00,293 with Chester Jenkins. 444 00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:03,196 He love watching sitcom, 445 00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:05,232 especially Sanford & Son. 446 00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:07,634 He loved Sanford & Son. 447 00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:10,103 (mimics Sanford): I'm coming, Elizabeth! 448 00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:12,572 (laughing) 449 00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:15,008 This man could cook. 450 00:16:15,042 --> 00:16:17,044 You talk about fried chicken? 451 00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:20,113 His chicken was so good, 452 00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:22,249 chickens be at the table talking. 453 00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:23,483 "Whoa, this some good chicken. 454 00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:24,584 Whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa." 455 00:16:24,617 --> 00:16:26,619 Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. 456 00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:30,157 Bend it down. Bend it down. Come on. 457 00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:33,660 Ooh, you good. 458 00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:36,363 You good, but you're not as good as Leonard. 459 00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:37,530 Ow! Stop! 460 00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:39,099 I was missing Run-DMC, 461 00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:41,134 but my father was really missing his quarters. 462 00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:43,036 Shouldn't you be at work, baby? 463 00:16:43,070 --> 00:16:45,272 Rachelle, I think 464 00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:46,673 Tonya may have stolen from me. 465 00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:48,041 What?! 466 00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:49,609 I went to the bank 467 00:16:49,642 --> 00:16:52,579 and the quarters I had her roll up for me came up short. 468 00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:54,447 Oh, no, my daughter is not gonna grow up 469 00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:55,615 to be a thief. 470 00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:57,284 We're gonna get to the bottom of this. 471 00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:58,685 I still got one good arm left. 472 00:16:58,718 --> 00:16:59,686 No, no, no. 473 00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:01,254 Ow! Ow, ow. 474 00:17:01,288 --> 00:17:02,355 I'll talk to her. 475 00:17:02,389 --> 00:17:04,191 You just get some rest. 476 00:17:04,224 --> 00:17:05,158 Okay. 477 00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:06,626 Thank you, baby. 478 00:17:06,659 --> 00:17:10,363 My father hated to think that Tonya had stolen again, 479 00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:13,266 but he also hated being short $2.50. 480 00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:14,834 Tonya, 481 00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:17,170 did you roll those quarters like I told you to? 482 00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:18,138 Yeah. Why? 483 00:17:18,171 --> 00:17:19,606 When I went to the bank, 484 00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:22,142 every one of those rolls was a quarter short. 485 00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:23,776 What happened to the rest of my money? 486 00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:26,146 Well, I took one quarter out of each roll. 487 00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:28,748 You didn't think anybody wouldn't notice that? 488 00:17:33,186 --> 00:17:35,255 What did you do with the money, Tonya? 489 00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:36,756 Well, I was trying to save 490 00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:39,192 to make you another roll. 491 00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:40,093 Save for another roll? 492 00:17:40,127 --> 00:17:41,494 Yeah. 493 00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:43,630 You didn't think I was stealing from you, did you? 494 00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:45,765 No, of course not. 495 00:17:45,798 --> 00:17:47,267 Well, that's what it sounds like to me. 496 00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:49,102 No, no, that's not what it sounds like. 497 00:17:49,136 --> 00:17:50,437 I'm just saying... Huh?! 498 00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:54,207 Look, your mother, she needs some help. 499 00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:56,643 Look, here, take that and buy some candy or something, okay? 500 00:17:56,676 --> 00:17:57,744 No, Daddy, you keep it. 501 00:17:57,777 --> 00:18:00,547 Coming, baby! Coming! 502 00:18:02,149 --> 00:18:03,616 (woman laughing) 503 00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:05,785 Oh, I'm gonna miss him! 504 00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:09,522 But you know what? He had a good life. 505 00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:13,193 Yeah, sounds like you two got along. 506 00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:16,129 Oh, no, he was a pain in the ass. 507 00:18:16,163 --> 00:18:17,330 (laughs) 508 00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:26,139 But he was my pain in the ass. 509 00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:29,242 Yeah. 510 00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:32,479 Young man, can I tell you something? 511 00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:34,747 What's that? 512 00:18:37,417 --> 00:18:40,553 This is the best I've felt in days. 513 00:18:40,587 --> 00:18:41,788 Thank you. 514 00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:43,423 You're welcome. 515 00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:44,657 Come on. 516 00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:48,195 I know there's someplace you got to be. 517 00:18:54,334 --> 00:18:56,769 There was someplace I wanted to be, 518 00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:59,772 but I was right where I needed to be. 519 00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:07,180 Hey, what happened? Where were you? 520 00:19:07,214 --> 00:19:08,648 I can't believe you missed it. 521 00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:10,817 Got tied up at the funeral home. 522 00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:13,286 I told you that scholarship thing was a bad idea. 523 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,322 It's all right. I'll catch 'em next time. 524 00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:18,358 Next time? There won't be a next time. 525 00:19:18,391 --> 00:19:19,459 It was incredible. 526 00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:22,895 It was Aerosmith and Run-DMC singing "Walk This Way." 527 00:19:22,929 --> 00:19:23,930 I couldn't believe it, man. 528 00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:27,567 When I saw someone in distress, I gave comfort. 529 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,536 Greg had a different approach. 530 00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:32,305 But my mother pretending to have a pain in her arm 531 00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:35,408 was becoming a real pain in the neck. 532 00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:46,319 TONYA/DREW: Ma! 533 00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:49,289 Uh! Okay, okay, I'm fine! 534 00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:52,459 I'm up, okay?! Are you happy now?! 535 00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:54,594 I mean, what does a woman have to do 536 00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:57,897 to get some rest around here, get shot?! 537 00:19:57,930 --> 00:20:01,268 I thought the BFD scholarship was gonna be easy money, 538 00:20:01,301 --> 00:20:02,602 but I was dead wrong. 539 00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:04,604 At least I was finally about to get paid. 540 00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:05,638 Here you go. 541 00:20:05,672 --> 00:20:09,576 A voucher for $250 worth of books. 542 00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:10,577 Books? 543 00:20:10,610 --> 00:20:11,611 Books? 544 00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:12,745 Books? 545 00:20:12,779 --> 00:20:14,581 Well, you didn't think you were getting cash, did you? 546 00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:16,983 Good night. 547 00:20:17,016 --> 00:20:18,318 Tragic. 548 00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:19,586 You owe me a hundred dollars. 549 00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:24,824 * Everybody hates Chris. 550 00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:34,734 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 35589

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