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00:00:01,669 --> 00:00:02,470
EVERYBODY HATES CHRIS #059
"Everybody Hates Run-DMC"
CLOSED CAPTIONED
2
00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:02,970
("You Be Illin'" by Run-DMC
playing)
3
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:07,775
(record scratches)
4
00:00:07,808 --> 00:00:11,112
CHRIS ROCK:
For as long as I can remember,
music was a part of my life.
5
00:00:11,145 --> 00:00:15,416
And in 1986, the biggest act
in the world was Run-DMC.
6
00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:19,653
* One day when I was chillin'
in Kentucky Fried Chicken *
7
00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:23,457
* Just minding my business,
eatin' food and finger lickin' *
8
00:00:23,491 --> 00:00:26,660
* This dude walked in looking
strange and kind of funny *
9
00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:28,329
What you listening
to, young blood?
10
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:29,763
Young blood...
11
00:00:29,797 --> 00:00:31,099
what you listening to?
12
00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:32,200
Run-DMC.
13
00:00:32,233 --> 00:00:33,834
What kind of name
is "Run"?
14
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,436
Ain't that a verb,
everybody?
15
00:00:35,469 --> 00:00:36,570
(men chuckling)
16
00:00:36,604 --> 00:00:37,705
Going to that concert?
17
00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:40,108
I wish.
It's sold out.
18
00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:43,111
I've got a guy that's gonna give
me two tickets tomorrow.
19
00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:44,545
They're yours for $200.
20
00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:46,714
I don't have $200.
I'll take 'em.
21
00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:48,449
Okay, I'll have them
tomorrow at 6:00.
22
00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:50,118
And I'm gonna need cash.
23
00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:52,120
Now I don't take
check, credit,
24
00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:53,787
pesos, rubles,
25
00:00:53,821 --> 00:00:56,224
wampums, ducats
or wherewithal.
26
00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:57,158
No problem.
27
00:00:57,191 --> 00:00:59,860
As long as you can also
loan me $200.
28
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:00,861
Hey, everybody.
29
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:02,496
Hey, what's going on?
Hey.
30
00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:05,266
Manny, you mind if I
leave these here?
What is it?
31
00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:08,702
Applications for
my BFD Scholarship.
32
00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:10,138
BFD?
33
00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:11,739
Black Funeral Directors.
34
00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:13,507
What I was thinking
wasn't even close.
35
00:01:13,541 --> 00:01:15,476
(chuckles):
You, too, right?
36
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:16,744
So if you know of any young men
37
00:01:16,777 --> 00:01:20,448
who would like to learn about
the wonderful world of death,
38
00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:24,385
this scholarship
is worth $250.
39
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,187
Sounds like ticket money to me.
40
00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:27,155
I'm interested.
41
00:01:27,188 --> 00:01:28,422
Interested in free money.
42
00:01:28,456 --> 00:01:29,790
Oh, I didn't know
you were interested
43
00:01:29,823 --> 00:01:31,325
in the bereaved and deceased.
44
00:01:31,359 --> 00:01:33,294
I'm not.
45
00:01:33,327 --> 00:01:34,895
This is a lot easier
than I thought it would be.
46
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:37,265
I was thinking
the exact same thing.
47
00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:40,768
All you have to do
is sign right here
48
00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:42,536
and you're the new
BFD scholar.
49
00:01:42,570 --> 00:01:43,637
Good.
50
00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:45,239
Now when do I
get the money?
51
00:01:45,273 --> 00:01:47,208
Oh, as soon as you're
done with the program.
52
00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:49,810
Will I be done with the program
by tomorrow at 6:00?
53
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:51,279
Oh, it's gonna take
longer than that
54
00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:53,181
to learn all you need to know
about death.
55
00:01:53,214 --> 00:01:56,317
No, it's not, because right now
I'm having a heart attack.
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00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:59,553
(beat-boxing)
57
00:01:59,587 --> 00:02:03,657
Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT TELEVISION
58
00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:07,195
* Aw, make it funky now
59
00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:30,984
While I waited
for my scholarship money,
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00:02:31,018 --> 00:02:33,921
I was researching other ways
to get some cash.
61
00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:35,189
Give you an advance on your pay?
62
00:02:35,223 --> 00:02:38,259
Yeah, and I'll pay you back soon
as I get my scholarship money.
63
00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:40,528
That sounds like
a good plan.
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00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:42,563
But what happens
if you get killed?
65
00:02:42,596 --> 00:02:43,897
I haven't thought
about that.
66
00:02:43,931 --> 00:02:45,299
Ain't that nothing.
67
00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:46,600
You learning about death
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00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:49,203
and ain't even
thought about dying.
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00:02:49,237 --> 00:02:51,572
Death can happen
at any moment, son.
70
00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:53,641
It can happen
when you're happy,
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00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:56,344
when you're sad, or when
you owe somebody money.
72
00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:58,246
Translation: no.
73
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:02,316
While I was hurting for cash,
my mother was in pain.
74
00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:04,385
So the chart says you
got pain in your shoulder.
75
00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:05,286
How did you do this?
76
00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:07,721
I was reaching for something
77
00:03:07,755 --> 00:03:09,357
and I must've overextended.
78
00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:10,824
That's one way of putting it.
79
00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:14,295
Boy, didn't I tell you
about throwing that ball?!
80
00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:16,230
Mama, I didn't mean
to break it, I'm sorry.
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00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:18,232
Oh, your behind
gonna be sorry.
82
00:03:18,266 --> 00:03:20,234
Ow! Ow!
83
00:03:20,268 --> 00:03:23,404
Went too far back on
the wind-up, didn't you?
84
00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:24,171
Yeah!
85
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,340
You know that boy
broke a $60 lamp
86
00:03:26,374 --> 00:03:29,343
when I told him do not
throw a ball in the house.
87
00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:31,312
Next time, just stretch first.
88
00:03:31,345 --> 00:03:32,813
Stretch?
89
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:34,948
Nothing helps you give better
ass whuppings than yoga.
90
00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:37,285
It's part of the
proper technique.
91
00:03:38,486 --> 00:03:40,988
There are various techniques
that you can use to avoid injury
92
00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:42,189
while delivering
an ass whupping.
93
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,925
There's the Two-Cheek Cross,
the Roundhouse Booty Buster,
94
00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:47,628
or my personal favorite:
the Kunta Kinte Will Breaker.
95
00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:50,331
In the wrong hands, a beating
can be called child abuse.
96
00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:52,032
But in the right hands,
it could be the difference
97
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:54,535
between raising
a Bill Gates or a Bobby Brown.
98
00:03:58,472 --> 00:03:59,373
Read this.
99
00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:01,575
If you rest your arm
in a sling for a week,
100
00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:02,743
you'll be fine.
101
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:04,378
A week?
I can't rest for a week.
102
00:04:04,412 --> 00:04:06,480
I got to cook and clean.
You're hurt.
103
00:04:06,514 --> 00:04:08,349
Make those kids do it.
104
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:11,285
Strap me up.
Mm-hmm.
105
00:04:11,319 --> 00:04:14,622
My mother had a sling,
while my father had ch-ching.
106
00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,357
What's this?
107
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:17,891
I've got a fun project
for you.
108
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:20,928
My father was famous
for his fun projects.
109
00:04:25,533 --> 00:04:27,835
JULIUS:
Isn't this fun?
110
00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:30,471
What is this
stuff anyway?
Asbestos.
111
00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:32,640
We're gonna save a lot of money
on heat this year.
112
00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:34,975
I need you to roll
these quarters.
113
00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:36,377
40 in each roll.
114
00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:39,380
You think you can
handle that, baby?
115
00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:40,481
Okay, Daddy.
116
00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:42,550
That's my girl.
117
00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:45,386
I had a hundred dollars saved,
and I had to get the rest
118
00:04:45,419 --> 00:04:49,089
or my chance to see Run-DMC
was gonna be G-O-N-E.
119
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:50,824
So, Dad, can I borrow
a hundred dollars
120
00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:52,560
until my scholarship money
arrives?
121
00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:53,727
That depends.
122
00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:55,363
Can I borrow it back
two seconds later?
123
00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:56,597
For what?
124
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:57,798
Books.
125
00:04:57,831 --> 00:04:59,433
Mr. Omar gave you a scholarship.
126
00:04:59,467 --> 00:05:00,901
What, he can't give you
the books?
127
00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:02,370
I get $250.
128
00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:03,371
Wow.
129
00:05:03,404 --> 00:05:05,506
They got any more
scholarships around here?
130
00:05:05,539 --> 00:05:06,374
I don't know.
131
00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:07,941
The Future Crackheads
of America
132
00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:09,109
had a scholarship,
133
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,345
but they used that up
on Flavor Flav.
134
00:05:11,379 --> 00:05:14,047
Well, I guess it's
for a good cause.
135
00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:15,949
Turn around so
I can get the money.
136
00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:19,820
Okay.
137
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:23,424
I never did find out where my
father kept his secret stash.
138
00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:24,525
Here you go.
139
00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:27,395
Thanks, Dad.
140
00:05:27,428 --> 00:05:28,629
Thank you.
141
00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:31,799
My father held onto cash
so tight,
142
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:34,001
George Washington
couldn't breathe.
143
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:37,004
39...
144
00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:39,373
40.
145
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:43,477
According to math,
the roll was perfect.
146
00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:44,912
But according to Tanya,
147
00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:48,549
39 quarters looked
a lot neater than 40.
148
00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:49,650
That's better.
149
00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:53,521
Bam!
150
00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:55,423
We're going to
the Run-DMC concert.
151
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:57,124
Dude, this is
incredible.
152
00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:59,560
I promise I'll pay you back,
ten dollars a week.
153
00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,462
This is the best thing
anyone's ever done for me
154
00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:03,397
since my mom took me back
from the foster home.
155
00:06:03,431 --> 00:06:04,998
Well, we couldn't miss the
greatest concert of the year.
156
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:06,133
Where'd you get the money?
157
00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:07,735
Oh, my dad
loaned it to me
158
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,503
and I'm gonna pay him back
with my scholarship money.
159
00:06:09,537 --> 00:06:10,571
What scholarship?
160
00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:11,505
BFD.
161
00:06:11,539 --> 00:06:12,573
Never heard of
that one before.
162
00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:14,442
But I'm guessing
acronyms today--
163
00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:15,776
Black Funeral Directors.
164
00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:17,545
Yeah, you have
a scholarship?
165
00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:18,378
Yeah, I've got four:
166
00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:20,548
Future Physicists,
Future Pharmacists,
167
00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:22,149
Future Futurists,
and Sons of Izzo.
168
00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:23,116
Who's Izzo?
169
00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:25,085
It's an Italian thing,
you wouldn't understand.
170
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:26,487
Oh.
171
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,088
So you want to be
a funeral director?
172
00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:29,990
No, I just want
to see Run-DMC.
173
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:31,925
Duh!
174
00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:33,661
My mother was
about to win an Emmy
175
00:06:33,694 --> 00:06:35,729
for best exaggerated injury.
176
00:06:35,763 --> 00:06:37,197
Yeah, get the pillow.
177
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,499
Ooh.
178
00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:39,967
Oh...
179
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,769
Now I wish I wasn't hurt,
180
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:43,504
but I am.
181
00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:45,939
So I'm gonna need you two to
pick up the slack around here,
182
00:06:45,973 --> 00:06:47,508
okay?
What do we have to do?
183
00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:49,677
(sighs):
Not a lot.
184
00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:52,245
All of this?!
185
00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:55,082
Now you can appreciate all
the hard work I do around here.
186
00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:56,149
Ow! Ow!
187
00:06:56,183 --> 00:06:58,151
Drew, go get
my turtles.
188
00:06:58,886 --> 00:07:00,488
Tanya, put my feet up.
189
00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:02,456
You know my ankles swell.
190
00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:03,557
Pass me the remote.
191
00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:07,194
Move out the way.
192
00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:09,630
You're blocking the TV.
193
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:10,964
(applause on TV)
194
00:07:10,998 --> 00:07:12,866
Now that's what
I'm talking about.
195
00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:14,535
Come on here, girl.
196
00:07:14,568 --> 00:07:15,869
You can do it, sister.
197
00:07:15,903 --> 00:07:18,472
Come on, joker...!
Come on, joker!
198
00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:20,007
Yes!
199
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,910
You should've seen her
when she watched Card Sharks.
200
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:25,613
Now that I was going
to the show,
201
00:07:25,646 --> 00:07:28,516
I couldn't wait for Mr. Omar
to show me the money.
202
00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:30,417
Hey, Mr. Omar,
203
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,520
I was just wondering
what I needed to do
204
00:07:32,553 --> 00:07:33,453
to finish up
my scholarship work.
205
00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:36,189
Oh, I appreciate your
enthusiasm, Chris.
206
00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:38,726
As you know, death doesn't
wait, so come on in.
207
00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:40,661
I'm just finishing up
my preparation
208
00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:41,762
for the death Jubilee.
209
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:42,830
Sweep that up.
210
00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:43,997
Death Jubilee?
211
00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:46,033
Oh, it's only the biggest
event of the year.
212
00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:47,568
It's like the auto show.
213
00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:49,036
If you drive a hearse.
214
00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:50,871
Now, look, I need you
to collate these,
215
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:52,773
fold these,
take both of them,
216
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,241
slide them into here, okay?
217
00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:55,976
I need you to iron that shirt,
take the suit
218
00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:57,678
to the cleaners,
shine my shoes,
219
00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:59,112
get me a paper
on the corner...
220
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:01,615
I got a lotta more stuff for you
to do later.
221
00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:03,951
Oh, the Death Jubilee
is all day tomorrow,
222
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,085
so get your rest.
223
00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:06,754
You mean get
your rest in peace.
224
00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:08,121
Now when you think I'll be done?
225
00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:09,823
Oh, you should be done
by Tuesday.
226
00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:11,959
Tuesday? But I have somewhere
to go on Monday.
227
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,727
Go on Tuesday.
I can't.
228
00:08:13,761 --> 00:08:14,662
Tragic.
229
00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:15,896
Not as tragic
230
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:17,631
as missing Run-DMC.
231
00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:23,904
At the Death Jubilee,
232
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:26,874
I was beginning to realize
that the BFD
233
00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:27,808
was a bunch of BS.
234
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:31,679
Hey, Omar,
the scholarship idea? Genius.
235
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:34,582
Hey, I could never afford to
come to this convention before
236
00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:35,683
'cause it cost so much for help.
237
00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:37,117
But you call it a scholarship
238
00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:39,219
and you get help
for less than half the price.
239
00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:41,622
(chuckling)
Hey, did you guys
see the women
240
00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:42,455
over in the
bereavement hall?
241
00:08:42,489 --> 00:08:44,992
If you thought
last year was good,
242
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,259
this year is ridiculous.
243
00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:47,227
Oh, you think
that's ridiculous?
244
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:49,763
Did you see the girl
standing by the hearse?
245
00:08:49,797 --> 00:08:50,964
Now she's bad for business.
246
00:08:50,998 --> 00:08:52,633
Who's gonna die with her
standing around.
247
00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:53,634
(cackles)
248
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,603
Oh, my God.
249
00:08:55,636 --> 00:08:57,337
You know Mrs. Eisenberg?
She called me.
250
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,840
Mrs. Eisenberg,
Mrs. Eisenberg?
Yeah.
251
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:00,908
You're kidding.
252
00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:02,242
I'm not kidding you.
We went out.
253
00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:03,343
She's a firecracker.
254
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:04,978
Almost gave me a heart attack.
255
00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:06,714
I told you not to mess with her.
256
00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:08,749
Well, her husband was
on bed rest for a year.
257
00:09:08,782 --> 00:09:09,750
What can you expect?
258
00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:10,684
I didn't expect that.
259
00:09:10,718 --> 00:09:12,853
(laughing)
260
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:13,921
Hey, tragic.
261
00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:16,089
(laughing)
262
00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:17,958
I'm done.
263
00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:19,627
What do you want me
to do with this?
264
00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:22,930
Oh.
Right... here.
265
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:28,201
You know, you might have
a future in this after all.
266
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:30,838
Back at home, my mother found
that taking it easy
267
00:09:30,871 --> 00:09:33,140
was gonna be harder
than she thought.
268
00:09:35,743 --> 00:09:37,611
Hey, Mom, how do you fold this?
269
00:09:37,645 --> 00:09:39,647
With your hands, dummy.
270
00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:47,020
Hey, Mom,
271
00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:49,823
can you clean burnt
spaghetti sauce with bleach?
272
00:09:49,857 --> 00:09:51,625
If you want to die.
273
00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:55,062
DREW:
Hey, Mom!
274
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,031
TANYA:
Mom...!
275
00:09:58,065 --> 00:09:59,099
Ma..!
276
00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:00,768
Mom!
277
00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:03,671
While my mother's legs
were getting stronger,
278
00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:06,606
Mr. Omar's little black book
was getting fatter.
279
00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:16,984
Oh, thank you so much
280
00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:18,652
for stopping by.
281
00:10:18,686 --> 00:10:21,655
Now you be sure
and call me now, okay?
282
00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:23,023
All right?
283
00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:29,496
Hey.
284
00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:31,364
Oh, did you pass out
the pamphlets?
285
00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:32,666
Yeah...
286
00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:33,667
Only to the pretty ones?
287
00:10:33,701 --> 00:10:34,868
Yeah.
288
00:10:34,902 --> 00:10:37,170
So, you're supposed to be
telling me about your business?
289
00:10:37,204 --> 00:10:38,238
What you want to know?
290
00:10:38,271 --> 00:10:41,709
Well, what made you want
to work with dead people?
291
00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:43,276
You see, there's something
you need to know
292
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:44,277
about the funeral business.
293
00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:46,046
It's not about servicing
the dead.
294
00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:49,683
It's about comforting
the living.
295
00:10:49,717 --> 00:10:50,951
And some
of the living need
296
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,252
a little more comforting
than others.
297
00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:54,121
Go out to the truck,
get us some pamphlets.
298
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:55,689
I'll be right back.
299
00:10:57,891 --> 00:10:59,126
Toast?
300
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:00,728
Toast for dinner?
301
00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:02,095
Tonya can't cook
302
00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:03,797
and it's the best
that I could do
303
00:11:03,831 --> 00:11:04,932
in the condition
that I'm in.
304
00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:07,234
She's using most of her energy
faking being hurt.
305
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:08,869
Ow!
306
00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:10,403
Thank you.
307
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:13,707
Chris, why don't you
pass the toast around?
308
00:11:13,741 --> 00:11:14,607
See? I got
309
00:11:14,641 --> 00:11:17,978
wheat toast
and white toast and raisin
310
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,880
and crust and crustless.
311
00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:21,114
No pumpernickel?
312
00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:24,818
Mommy also has grape jelly,
strawberry jelly, hot sauce...
313
00:11:24,852 --> 00:11:25,853
Hot sauce?
314
00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:26,787
Hot sauce?
...cinnamon,
315
00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:29,322
...honey and syrup
to dip your crust in.
316
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,491
Hot sauce?
317
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,761
Um, did you finish up
those quarters like I asked?
318
00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:34,962
Yep, ten rolls.
319
00:11:34,995 --> 00:11:35,929
Good girl.
320
00:11:35,963 --> 00:11:37,898
Hey, Chris, can you pass me
the hot sauce?
321
00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:39,733
Hot sauce?
322
00:11:39,767 --> 00:11:41,434
So Chris, how was your day?
323
00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:43,470
Did you learn anything
about the funeral business?
324
00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:45,238
I learned it was heavy.
325
00:11:45,272 --> 00:11:46,306
Yeah, I bet it is.
326
00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:47,474
You enjoying those books?
327
00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:49,309
Yeah, they're great.
328
00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:51,912
Pass me the big piece
of toast.
329
00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:56,383
Honey, how much longer
you gonna be in that sling?
330
00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:57,885
Until we run out of bread.
331
00:11:57,918 --> 00:11:59,119
I don't know,
Julius.
332
00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:01,354
As soon as I'm healed
and fully recovered,
333
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:02,389
I'll let you know.
334
00:12:03,991 --> 00:12:04,958
Ow!
335
00:12:04,992 --> 00:12:07,494
While my mother was milking
her injury,
336
00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:08,561
I was being trained.
337
00:12:08,595 --> 00:12:11,531
First, I must say
you're really doing
a great job.
338
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,233
Well, what do I have
to do today?
339
00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:15,502
Ah, just polish
a few coffins.
340
00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:17,304
A few?
341
00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:18,839
How long is this gonna take?
342
00:12:18,872 --> 00:12:19,873
I don't know.
343
00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:21,875
Well, you think I'll be done
by tomorrow night?
344
00:12:21,909 --> 00:12:23,777
Because I have somewhere to go
and it's really important.
345
00:12:23,811 --> 00:12:25,913
Chris, there's nothing
more important
346
00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:27,915
than fulfilling
your responsibilities.
347
00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:30,483
That's what this scholarship
is all about: service.
348
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:31,985
So do your best.
349
00:12:32,019 --> 00:12:33,821
If you get it done,
350
00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:35,522
tomorrow you can do
whatever you want.
351
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:37,791
Okay, well, how clean
do they have to be?
352
00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:41,028
Well, I need you
to make these
353
00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:44,965
look like this,
all right?
354
00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:46,533
So do your best.
355
00:12:46,566 --> 00:12:47,801
I'll see you later.
356
00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:48,936
Lock up
after you leave.
357
00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:50,537
You are the best.
358
00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:58,812
By the time I finished
cleaning those coffins,
359
00:12:58,846 --> 00:13:01,414
I almost needed one,
but it was worth it
360
00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:04,084
because come tomorrow, I was
gonna have the time of my life.
361
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,518
What time do you
want to meet
362
00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:07,154
and go to the Garden?
You know what?
363
00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:09,422
You go without me
and I'll meet you down there.
What?
364
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:11,859
I have to go by
the funeral parlor after school
365
00:13:11,892 --> 00:13:13,827
to make sure there's nothing
Mr. Omar wants me to do.
366
00:13:13,861 --> 00:13:15,262
I don't want
to have him think
367
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,464
there's any reason for him
not to give me my money.
368
00:13:17,497 --> 00:13:18,465
I don't know
why you took
369
00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:19,299
that scholarship
anyway.
370
00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:22,369
Did you have $200
for concert tickets?
371
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:23,470
No. Here.
372
00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:24,471
Don't be illing, man.
373
00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:25,839
I'll see you at 7:30.
374
00:13:25,873 --> 00:13:26,840
All right.
375
00:13:26,874 --> 00:13:28,341
For my father,
376
00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:30,243
coin-cashing day was better
than Christmas morning.
377
00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:32,312
$97.50.
378
00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:33,580
No, that can't be right.
379
00:13:33,613 --> 00:13:35,282
I know I had
a hundred dollars here.
380
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:36,884
Did you count it?
No.
381
00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:38,318
Well, I did.
It was $97.50.
382
00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:39,920
Well, maybe you made a mistake.
383
00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:41,188
No, maybe you made
a mistake.
384
00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:42,222
You think you're
the first person
385
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:43,590
try to skim a few quarters
past us?
386
00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:45,926
Actually, he was
the first person to try it,
387
00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:47,460
but that was a long time ago.
388
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:53,133
Back at Mr. Omar's,
it was almost quitting time
389
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:56,069
and I was three minutes away
from Run-DMC.
390
00:13:56,103 --> 00:13:57,971
Hey, Greg. Yeah.
391
00:13:58,005 --> 00:13:59,639
So we're still good, right?
392
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:00,874
Oh, okay.
393
00:14:00,908 --> 00:14:02,910
No, all I have to do
is lock up.
394
00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:05,312
I'm out of here
in, like, two minutes.
395
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,915
So I'll meet you at the Garden?
396
00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:09,983
All right, cool.
397
00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:14,054
I had finished all my dealings
with death
398
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:16,223
and now it was time to get ill.
399
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:22,562
Excuse me.
Can you help me?
400
00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:26,066
I can... but I don't want to.
401
00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:32,539
Sorry.
402
00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:33,673
I was just locking up,
403
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,909
but I'm sure Mr. Omar could talk
to you in the morning.
404
00:14:35,943 --> 00:14:37,410
Oh, it'll only
take a minute.
405
00:14:37,444 --> 00:14:38,946
You see,
my husband passed
406
00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:41,248
and Mr. Omar wanted me
to bring a tie
407
00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:42,382
to go with the outfit,
408
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:44,985
and I just can't decide.
409
00:14:45,018 --> 00:14:46,086
What do you think?
410
00:14:46,119 --> 00:14:47,087
Blue or green?
411
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,688
Green.
412
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:51,358
Oh, yeah, green.
413
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:52,359
Leonard liked green.
414
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:53,994
Okay.
415
00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:56,196
Well, I'm gonna give this
to Mr. Omar in the morning,
416
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,197
but we can leave.
417
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:58,198
Yeah.
418
00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:00,267
Maybe blue would be better.
419
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:02,602
He was an executive,
you know.
420
00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:04,471
Okay.
421
00:15:04,504 --> 00:15:06,006
Blue it is.
422
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:11,211
No, you're right. Green.
423
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:12,545
Now tell me,
424
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:14,047
do you think
I should get socks
425
00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:16,083
to match the tie?
426
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:18,051
This will only take a minute...
427
00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:19,252
in old people time.
428
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,324
That's perfect.
429
00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:27,427
You remind me
of him, you know?
430
00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:32,065
He used to have that same look
you have right now.
431
00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:34,167
Frustration?
432
00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:36,003
You keep looking
at the clock.
433
00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:38,071
Is there someplace
you supposed to be?
434
00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:39,672
Yeah, I'm supposed
to be meeting a friend.
435
00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:42,575
Oh, that's nice.
436
00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:44,177
I don't mean to hold you up.
437
00:15:44,211 --> 00:15:45,512
Then let me go.
438
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:48,081
Leonard had friends now.
439
00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:50,050
Yes, there was Earl,
440
00:15:50,083 --> 00:15:53,186
Louis, Zeke, Sonny.
441
00:15:53,220 --> 00:15:56,089
Sonny, Sonny had one eye
442
00:15:56,123 --> 00:15:58,525
and he got
into a fight
443
00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:00,293
with Chester Jenkins.
444
00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:03,196
He love watching sitcom,
445
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:05,232
especially Sanford & Son.
446
00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:07,634
He loved
Sanford & Son.
447
00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:10,103
(mimics Sanford):
I'm coming, Elizabeth!
448
00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:12,572
(laughing)
449
00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:15,008
This man could cook.
450
00:16:15,042 --> 00:16:17,044
You talk about fried chicken?
451
00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:20,113
His chicken was so good,
452
00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:22,249
chickens be at the table
talking.
453
00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:23,483
"Whoa, this some good chicken.
454
00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:24,584
Whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa."
455
00:16:24,617 --> 00:16:26,619
Uh-huh. Mm-hmm.
456
00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:30,157
Bend it down.
Bend it down. Come on.
457
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:33,660
Ooh, you good.
458
00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:36,363
You good, but you're
not as good as Leonard.
459
00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:37,530
Ow! Stop!
460
00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:39,099
I was missing Run-DMC,
461
00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:41,134
but my father was really
missing his quarters.
462
00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:43,036
Shouldn't you be
at work, baby?
463
00:16:43,070 --> 00:16:45,272
Rachelle, I think
464
00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:46,673
Tonya may have stolen
from me.
465
00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:48,041
What?!
466
00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:49,609
I went to the bank
467
00:16:49,642 --> 00:16:52,579
and the quarters I had her
roll up for me came up short.
468
00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:54,447
Oh, no, my daughter
is not gonna grow up
469
00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:55,615
to be a thief.
470
00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:57,284
We're gonna get
to the bottom of this.
471
00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:58,685
I still got one
good arm left.
472
00:16:58,718 --> 00:16:59,686
No, no, no.
473
00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:01,254
Ow! Ow, ow.
474
00:17:01,288 --> 00:17:02,355
I'll talk to her.
475
00:17:02,389 --> 00:17:04,191
You just get some rest.
476
00:17:04,224 --> 00:17:05,158
Okay.
477
00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:06,626
Thank you, baby.
478
00:17:06,659 --> 00:17:10,363
My father hated to think
that Tonya had stolen again,
479
00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:13,266
but he also hated
being short $2.50.
480
00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:14,834
Tonya,
481
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:17,170
did you roll those quarters
like I told you to?
482
00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:18,138
Yeah. Why?
483
00:17:18,171 --> 00:17:19,606
When I went to the bank,
484
00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:22,142
every one of those rolls
was a quarter short.
485
00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:23,776
What happened to the rest
of my money?
486
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:26,146
Well, I took one quarter
out of each roll.
487
00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:28,748
You didn't think anybody
wouldn't notice that?
488
00:17:33,186 --> 00:17:35,255
What did you do
with the money, Tonya?
489
00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:36,756
Well, I was trying to save
490
00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:39,192
to make you
another roll.
491
00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:40,093
Save for another roll?
492
00:17:40,127 --> 00:17:41,494
Yeah.
493
00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:43,630
You didn't think I was
stealing from you, did you?
494
00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:45,765
No, of course not.
495
00:17:45,798 --> 00:17:47,267
Well, that's what
it sounds like to me.
496
00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:49,102
No, no, that's not
what it sounds like.
497
00:17:49,136 --> 00:17:50,437
I'm just saying...
Huh?!
498
00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:54,207
Look, your mother,
she needs some help.
499
00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:56,643
Look, here, take that
and buy some candy
or something, okay?
500
00:17:56,676 --> 00:17:57,744
No, Daddy,
you keep it.
501
00:17:57,777 --> 00:18:00,547
Coming, baby!
Coming!
502
00:18:02,149 --> 00:18:03,616
(woman laughing)
503
00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:05,785
Oh, I'm gonna miss him!
504
00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:09,522
But you know what?
He had a good life.
505
00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:13,193
Yeah, sounds like
you two got along.
506
00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:16,129
Oh, no, he was
a pain in the ass.
507
00:18:16,163 --> 00:18:17,330
(laughs)
508
00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:26,139
But he was my pain
in the ass.
509
00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:29,242
Yeah.
510
00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:32,479
Young man,
can I tell you something?
511
00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:34,747
What's that?
512
00:18:37,417 --> 00:18:40,553
This is the best
I've felt in days.
513
00:18:40,587 --> 00:18:41,788
Thank you.
514
00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:43,423
You're welcome.
515
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:44,657
Come on.
516
00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:48,195
I know there's someplace
you got to be.
517
00:18:54,334 --> 00:18:56,769
There was someplace
I wanted to be,
518
00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:59,772
but I was right where
I needed to be.
519
00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:07,180
Hey, what happened?
Where were you?
520
00:19:07,214 --> 00:19:08,648
I can't believe you missed it.
521
00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:10,817
Got tied up at the funeral home.
522
00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:13,286
I told you that scholarship
thing was a bad idea.
523
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,322
It's all right.
I'll catch 'em next time.
524
00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:18,358
Next time?
There won't be a next time.
525
00:19:18,391 --> 00:19:19,459
It was incredible.
526
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:22,895
It was Aerosmith and Run-DMC
singing "Walk This Way."
527
00:19:22,929 --> 00:19:23,930
I couldn't believe it, man.
528
00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:27,567
When I saw someone in distress,
I gave comfort.
529
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,536
Greg had a different approach.
530
00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:32,305
But my mother pretending
to have a pain in her arm
531
00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:35,408
was becoming a real
pain in the neck.
532
00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:46,319
TONYA/DREW:
Ma!
533
00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:49,289
Uh! Okay, okay, I'm fine!
534
00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:52,459
I'm up, okay?!
Are you happy now?!
535
00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:54,594
I mean, what does a woman
have to do
536
00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:57,897
to get some rest around here,
get shot?!
537
00:19:57,930 --> 00:20:01,268
I thought the BFD scholarship
was gonna be easy money,
538
00:20:01,301 --> 00:20:02,602
but I was dead wrong.
539
00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:04,604
At least I was finally
about to get paid.
540
00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:05,638
Here you go.
541
00:20:05,672 --> 00:20:09,576
A voucher for $250
worth of books.
542
00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:10,577
Books?
543
00:20:10,610 --> 00:20:11,611
Books?
544
00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:12,745
Books?
545
00:20:12,779 --> 00:20:14,581
Well, you didn't think
you were getting cash, did you?
546
00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:16,983
Good night.
547
00:20:17,016 --> 00:20:18,318
Tragic.
548
00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:19,586
You owe me a hundred dollars.
549
00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:24,824
* Everybody hates Chris.
550
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:34,734
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