Original subtitles

-(screams, grunts) -(snarling)

*

- Hm. Hm.

Hm. Hmm.

Hm. It works!

The Betterman Leaf Weight works!

Phil Betterman, one. Wind, zero.

Now, I must share this glorious news with the others,

and bathe in their apt praise!

(laughs)

Behold, the Betterman Leaf-- Eh.

Anyone in here? Nope.

Well, well, well... they're not in the well.

Hello? (echoes)

Anybody? (echoes)

Where is everyone?!

(laughter)

Oh, they're just going on a hike without me.

Hm?

They're going on a hike without me!

* Let's live wild, the world's our own *

* We built this wheel now it's gunna roll *

* You know a spark becomes a fire wherever we go *

* Whoa-ho-ho *

* Stuck together, stuck, stuck together *

* It's an evolution for worse or for better *

* To find some unity *

* For all humanity *

* Because we're stuck together *

* In one big family tree *

- It's fortunate I caught up with you

to share this scientific breakthrough.

And so, through the phenomena of mass and absence of motion,

the Betterman Leaf Weight holds the leaves in place.

- Uh, that's it? That's all it does?

- Yeah, can you eat it?

- What? No.

Don't you see? It holds the leaves in place.

Do you know what would happen to the leaves without it?

- They'd move? Because they're leaves?

- Precisely.

Hm?

- You did it again, Dad.

Oh, so, Grug? Can we play one of your fun games?

-(laughs) Wha-- Oh, a game, huh?

I'm not sure now's a good time for that because

we're standing on lava!

- Everyone move! Everyone move! -(all laughing)

- What? There's no lava here. What's wrong with you people?

-(laughing) - Have you been poisoned?

- No, Phil. It's a game Dad came up with

to make hiking more fun.

- Yeah, Grug makes everything more fun.

- Bearacudas! Play dead! (grunts)

- This game is my favorite.

Because I get to lie down and-- (snores)

- But you want this hike to be fun, eh?

Well, why don't we fashion a rudimentary compass

and triangulate our position using the sun?

- Now, that's a good time. -(shouts): Fire!

- Log roll! -(all grunting)

- There's no fire. Have you gone mad?

Wait. I understand now.

You're pretending there's a fire.

All right, I'll play.

(grunting) Yes! This is...

rather amusing! Gah!

I've rolled onto the Betterman Leaf Weight.

My latest triumph is also my undoing. (groans)

Hope, you think I'm fun, right?

- I think you're fun in your own way.

- So, you think I'm fun. - That's not what I said.

- It's exactly what you said with a few more words.

- Phil, you're not hearing me.

Grug is fun. He's wild, he's loud, he's unpredictable.

He's like a child trapped in a man's body.

- So you don't think Grug is fun. - Gah! That's not what I said!

- It's exactly what you said.

If you'd said something completely different.

- You don't have to compete with Grug.

- Just be Phil. - Excellent idea, Hope.

I'll give everyone a dose of Phil fun.

(yells, grunts)

- Not what I said!

PHIL: Thank you for joining me.

Though, if I'm being honest, you should be thanking me.

- Thanking you for what?

- For this!

I'm calling it the Betterman Sound Stick.

I know how much you all enjoy fun,

so here's some fun for your ears!

(playing off notes)

- When does the fun start?

- It sounds like that stick is crying.

- It sounds like it needs to be put out of its misery.

- I'll do it! - Let's not be so hasty.

Just because it isn't fun now doesn't mean it won't become fun.

- Maybe, we just need some drums.

(grunts, drums) Ooh, yeah. There we go. Come on!

ALL (chanting): Grug! Grug! Grug!

-(plays faster) -(Phil growls)

(chanting continues)

- Kapaw!

- Ah!

-(Phil sighs) -(chanting continues)

Hello, science enthusiasts.

I'm-- Oh, wait. Where are the others?

- Oh, they, um, said they were, uh, busy.

- Oh, they're not busy. They just didn't wanna--

Oh, right. They told us to tellyou they're busy.

- Smooth.

- As I was saying, I'm Physics Phil.

- I thought your name was Phil.

- It is, but I added "physics" because today,

we're going to learn about--

- Ooh! Tongues! - What? No.

We're learning about physics and other sciences.

- So, why isn't your name Physics and Other Sciences Phil?

- Or just Science Phil? - Silence!

- Wait. Silence or Science?

- Stop talking at once!

- Got it. Definitely Silence Phil.

- Ugh.

Now, I'll need a volunteer for our first experiment.

Anyone?

Anyone at all? Ah, yes! Dawn!

- I think you should pick Thunk.

-(sighs) Fine.

- It's Thirsty Thunk today, Phil.

You're not the only one with a cool nickname.

- Thirsty Thunk? Why? Are you thirsty?

- No, why do you ask? - You just said-- Ugh.

-(chuckling) - Never mind.

Now, what do you think will happen

when I release this papaynapple?

- It'll hit me in the face?

- See? Now we're getting somewhere.

This is gonna be a blast.

- Wrong! Watch.

Isn't science fun?

- Not as much fun as I thought, but you can't win 'em all.

- Yeah, it'd be way more fun if it hit Thunk in the face.

- I agree, and it's my face.

- Sorry your experiment didn't work, Dad.

- It did work! That's the point!

- Ooh! Papaynapple punching bag!

(wind-up effort) Gah!

(cheering) ALL: Grug! Grug! Grug!

(Phil growls)

the first of what I hope will be many

thoughtful and whimsical discussions

on topics of my choosing.

(slow claps)

- Hey, Phil. - Where is everyone?

Aren't they interested in my thoughts and my whimsy?

- Uh, I think they were busy... again.

- Wait, we don't have to be here? -(Guy clears throat)

- Oh, right. I-I'm supposed to say

I'm happy to be here, so you don't feel bad.

- Very well.

Then I suppose it's just you and me

and every observation I've ever had about everything.

- Oh no. This is gonna take forever.

(whispers): He has so many observations.

- Maybe, he's gonna blow our minds?

- Ahem. What's the deal with rocks?

- Or maybe not, but I'm not giving up hope.

- Some rocks form when magma solidifies

and crystallizes beneath the Earth's crust.

- See? I didn't know that. - I don't wanna know that!

- Interesting note, sediment can consist of rocks and minerals.

(chuckling)

Yes, I suppose sediment is an amusing word.

(chuckling) Now magma, in turn--

-(Guy and Thunk chuckling) - I certainly don't think magma

is a laughing matter.

-(chuckling) - What is so funny?

Ahh! Who is doing that?

Grug?!

-(Grug laughs) BOTH: Grug! Grug! Grug!

- Aww, Douglas!

(growls)

(melancholy music playing)

- Hmm. - Hey, Phil.

I've never seen anyone swing so sadly before.

(Phil sighs)

- Ah! (groans)

- I stand corrected.

- I just don't understand.

Science, music,

extensive and compelling lectures about rocks.

What else could I do to prove I'm fun?

- Well... maybe stop trying so hard

to be something you're not.

- Hmm. Hope, you're a genius.

I should start trying to be someoneI'm not. Grug!

- That's not what I said!

-(laughing) - EEP: Whoa!

- Woo! Yeah!

(grunts)

- Oh no! I lost the coconut!

- Don't do it, Dad.

- Oh, wait, never mind.

-(Eep laughs) - I found another one!

-(Grug grunts) -(Eep screams, laughs)

- Woo! (laughing)

- What a preposterous concept.

Humans don't even look like coconuts.

Erase your intellect, Phil. Be Grug.

Oh no! I cannot find mycoconut.

- Dad, you're holding it. - Oh, right,

but where is my other anthropoid-shaped coconut?

- Ooh, there she is! - Dad, no.

- This is a bad idea. -(Phil grunting)

-(grunting) Ah!

- Well, the good news is that could've gone a lot worse.

(groans)

- Looks like I found another coconut!

-(Grug laughing) - No, no, no, no, no!

- I'm not a coconut! I'm a man! -(Grug grunts)

Ahh!

- Okay, Sandy. You hide and I'll hunt you.

(growls happily, giggles)

One... two,

the number that comes after two--

- What's going on here? Why are you covering your eyes?

Have you been staring at the sun again?

- No, Sandy and I are playing hunt-or-be-hunted.

Sandy hides and I look for her.

- Yes, Grug. I know how to play.

I don't need your game-splaining.

- Now, where could Sandy be hiding?!

A-ha! (grunts)

- She won't answer you because she's hiding from you.

- I know that, Phil, but it's fun for Sandy.

- There must be a more efficient way to locate your daughter.

Perhaps, we should fashion a rudimentary compass

and triangulate her position using the sun?

- No, Phil, because the hunting is fun for me.

(chuckles)

(Sandy giggles)

- Sandy, I've found you!

- The game is over!

- You have lost! - Phil!

(confused, sad growls)

- Now, wasn't that fun, Sandy?

-(angry growls) - Ah!

- Okay, guys, everyone ready?

ALL: Mm-hm. - Yeah!

- On the number that comes after two, we throw--

- Fear not, Phil's here, which means the fun can begin!

- Oh, you wanna play, Phil? Great!

Okay, here we go. One... two,

- the number that comes after two-- PHIL: Time out!

-(all sigh) - Yes, Phil?

- We're trying to hit each other with the bounceberries.

- Do I have that right? - That's the idea.

- How barbaric, and wasteful,

and messy, and... did I say barbaric?

- It's a game. It's supposed to be fun.

- You don't have to tell me that. I live for fun like this.

It is the very air I breathe

and the water that quenches my thirst.

- Okay... One, two--

- Time out. -(all sigh)

And we're also trying to avoid being hit by the bounceberries.

- Is that correct? - Yes, Phil.

- Now, can we just play? - Of course.

- One-- - Time out!

-(all sigh) - What?!

- Is it possible to play

without throwing or being struck by fruit?

(grunts, yells)

Hmm.

- So, I heard about the bounceberries.

- Ahh!

- I think it's time for you to leave the fun to Grug, Phil.

Fun is his thing.

- Right, and science is my thing.

I'll use science to isolate the fundamentals of fun!

Or the fun-damentals.

- Fun-damentals and fundamentals are the same word.

- I'll invent a Funometer to measure fun.

I'll prod and I'll probe, study and quantify,

analyze and dissect.

And when I'm done, I will have wrung

the very life out of fun!

- Doesn't that sound fun?! -(sighs)

- These spark peppers are supposed to be insanely hot.

- So, why are we eating them? - For fun!

- And because we're hungry.

- Mm.

- Guys, I'm, I'm not feelin' anything.

Ahh! (laughs)

-(laughing) - Ahh!

- Ooh! - Ha!

(panting)

(laughing)

- Hmm... spicy is fun.

-(Gran grumbling) - Hm?

- Gah! Nice try, Sandy,

but you'll have to try harder the ne--

-(Sandy growls) - Gah!

-(growls) -(laughs) Ah!

You made my heart stop. Do it again!

(laughing)

- Hmm... scary is fun.

(yells, grunts)

- Woo! -(both laughing)

- Too fast! Too fast! - Okay, let's stop!

- No, no! Faster! Faster!

(laughing)

Woo! Wee!

- Hmm... speedy is fun.

They want fun? I'll give them fun.

I'll give them so much fun their smiles

will be permanent proof of the fun

to which I gave rise for the rest of eternity!

(evil laughter)

Stop staring and start laughing!

Sorry, I was just waiting for my turn.

(maniacal laughter)

That's better.

GRUG: No way! -(all laughing)

- Woo-hoo! I've done it!

- Ah! - Done what?

- Created the scientific zenith of fun in one location!

- Phil, are you okay? You're vibrating.

- Yes, with fun! And also, lack of sleep,

but mostly fun! Follow me!

(plays flute)

- Well, watching Phil lose it should be fun.

*

-(Grug exhales) -(Guy grunts)

- Well, this looks fun.

Unsettling, but fun.

- Phil, what is this?

- Welcome to Phil's Fun Farm!

Step inside through my mouth!

(plays flute)

- I've never walked through a mouth before.

- The last time I did, I almost didn't walk out.

Because I was being digested!

- C'mon, everyone. Let's get this over with.

DAWN: Mom, is Dad broken? - It's complicated, Dawn,

but the short answer is yes.

- Welcome to Phil's Fun Food.

- Are those pies?

- Indeed. We've an assortment of treats and refreshing lemon drink.

- Well, this isn't so bad. In fact, it all looks delicious.

- Delicious andfun. Take a bite and you'll see.

(growling)

- Mmm. Well, it's delicious, but where's the--

Wha!

(coughs) Phil, what's in this?

-(giggles) Lava peppers!

Based on my research, eating spicy food is fun!

-(coughs) Yeah, Dad, but lava peppers are too spicy.

- I can't feel my face--Ah! -(coughs) Water! I need water!

- How about some refreshing lemon drink instead?

-(gulping) Ah, much better.

Ahh!

- There's lava pepper in the lemon drink!

- Isn't that fun? - I have been on your side

this whole time, Phil, but you're starting to lose me.

- Haa, I'm never eating pie again.

Ooh, bug nuggets.

- Thunk! No!

- Relax, guys. They're fine-- Ahh!

- Follow me for more fun!

(playing spritely tune)

- Science says fear is fun,

so enter Phil's Fun Frights... if you dare.

- Phil, what's in that cave?

- Fun!

- All right, this looks promising.

I'm pullin' for ya again, Phil.

- Pfft, I'll go. Phil can't scare me.

Phil, I don't get it!

It's pitch black in here.

How can I be frightened by something I can't see?

-(roaring) -(Grug gasps)

(Grug screams)

You sent me into a bearacuda cave?!

- Why?! - Ah! (giggles) Because fun!

- You're one twisted mister, Top Knot.

In my day, fun like that started wars.

- Phil, breathing fire and being mauled by bearacudas isn't fun!

What is wrong with you?!

- Yeah, I've had enough fun for today. Let's go.

- No! Don't go! Please!

There's just one more attraction and I promise you'll love it.

- Phil, why are you doing all this?

- Because Grug isn't the only one who's fun around here,

and I'm about to prove it.

- Quickest way out of this is to just go along with it.

GRUG/EEP/GUY: Mm-hm. - Fine.

- Wonderful! I appreciate your enthusiasm.

Follow me-- Ah!

(mimics flute)

And now, I present... Phil's Fun Fast Fest!

EEP: Whoa.

- What're we lookin' at here, Phil?

- You're looking at the ride of your lives.

You'll go up, down, round and round,

upside-down, sideways,

and all things in between.

- Is that it?

-(gnawing) - Sandy, don't eat your seat.

- We're riding in corn! - Until it stops or pops!

(Guy grunting)

- I think this is the one, Phil,

but these vines might be a, a little tight.

- They have to be tight... - Ooh!

- ...or you'll fly off the ride. - Already havin' fun!

- Excellent. Keep your arms down if you wanna keep them.

-(all gasp) - Just kidding.

But keep your arms down.

Are you sure you're not interested in the ride of your life?

- To get the worst motion sickness of my life?

No, thanks.

Besides, life is my ride,

Phil, and you're the loops.

- I'll take it. Let the fun times roll!

(maniacal laughter)

- Just promise me this thing is safe.

- I promise it's going to be great fun.

- That's not what I said.

- Is this as fast as it's gonna go?

- I run faster than this.

- I feel bad, and my dad tried so hard to be fun.

Maybe we should all pretend we're having a good time?

- I'll try, but I might be sleeping

by the time we get to the bottom.

- Yeah, this thing's so slow, I'm enjoying it-- Ah!

(all screaming)

- I've done it, Hope!

They're having fun, which means I'm fun!

- And that makes doing all this worth it?

- Completely!

- This... is... awesome!

(all screaming, laughing)

- Wow, they're going pretty fast, Phil.

- Not fast enough

because fast equals fun,

which means more speed equals more fun.

It's science.

(all screaming)

-(laughs) I'm gonna be sick... in a good way!

- My insides feel like my outsides!

(Thunk screaming)

- Maybe you should slow it down.

- What? Why? They're having the time of their lives!

- Hee-yah! -(all screaming)

- That's fast enough, Phil! Phil?

- Fast is fun, fast is fun, fast is fun!

Perhaps you're right. Leave them wanting more,

and if they don't slow down, it's possible they'll hurtle off

the tracks to their certain demise.

- But is crashing fun? Let's see! - No, crashing isn't fun!

- You know what? You're right. It isn't.

(grunts) Interesting.

-(grunts) It seems to be stuck. - Fix it, Phil!

-(grunts) Ah!

(all screaming)

- I said fix it, not break it!

- Technically, you didn't say that last part.

- Phil! - Yes, right! On it!

(all screaming)

Um, uh, c-carry the one.

Uh... I've got it!

(heavy breathing)

(grunting)

(heavy breathing)

- Phil!

(slow motion screams)

(slow motion breathing, grunting)

(all screaming)

- Ah! (panting)

(screaming)

(all grunting)

-(panting) Are you okay?!

(all heavy breathing)

- That... was... awesome!

GRUG (laughs): Awesome!

--Yeah! -(all cheering, laughing)

(Phil breathing heavy)

- You did it, Phil. You just did it.

(triumphant music plays)

- Seriously, that was the most fun I've ever had, Phil!

- I had so much fun, my brain shut down.

What happened? Where are we?

- Oh, man! I knew you could do it, Phil.

Don't get me wrong, I had my doubts.

Then, things turned around.

I guess you could say it was a real,

whatever that thing is ride.

(chanting): Fun Phil! Fun Phil! Fun Phil!

ALL (chanting): Fun Phil! Fun Phil! Fun Phil!

- I promise I won't tell them you almost killed them

if you promise to stop trying to be fun.

- I promise to keep the fun in Fun Phil.

- That's not even close to what I said!

- Ahh!

Thank you for inviting me on your hike.

- Aw, hiking wouldn't be any fun without you, Dad.

- Speaking of fun... Grug-quake! (grunting)

-(laughs) Not bad, but not as fun as a... Phil-valanche!

(rumbling)

- Long live Fun Phil! -(all screaming)

Oh no... It's Phil's Fun Finale.

(Phil screams)

*

*