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Earth.
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A planet inhabited mostly
by termites and mold,
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but there are also humans.
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God damn it!
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- Oh, sorry, sorry.
- Is that a camera?
6
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The mating ritual of the human
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is a mind-boggling dance.
8
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First, the male chooses
a mate who is much more
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intelligent and
attractive than he is.
10
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Then he begins to obsess over her,
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consulting her Facebook
page up to 50 times a day,
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00:00:29,587 --> 00:00:32,287
often pleasuring
himself to her likeness
13
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to the point of exhaustion.
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Months can pass with
no word from the mate.
15
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Then, suddenly...
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- Linda?
- She will
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- make contact.
- No, no, it's not a problem.
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I'm right nearby. I'll be right there.
19
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Usually when she needs help
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moving large objects.
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Or when somebody else has canceled
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their plans with her last-minute.
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Somewhere in this complex dance,
24
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procreation occurs.
25
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Well, I got a lot of notes.
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For starters, I think
we need ten more frames
27
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of Jeff jerking off to
help with the pacing.
28
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- And the soundtrack...
- Come on! I'm exhausted.
29
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Why are we working on this so hard?
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Because our boss is coming.
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Guys, this is our chance to
get promotions and move on.
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And then we never have to hang out with
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these dirty humans again.
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- But I love humans.
- Yeah, yeah. They're fine.
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But you know what I'm
saying. Come on, guys.
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You underestimate humans.
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They're dignified and intelligent and...
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Guys, I found a crack in the system.
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Check it out: they call it dog food,
40
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but really, it's just super
cheap meat that never goes bad.
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We're talking lamb, sweet potato, and beef!
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For $1.29!
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♪ Three aliens
came from the sky ♪
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♪ The Galactic
Council sent them ♪
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♪ And here's the reason why ♪
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♪ Their mission is to study ♪
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♪ Earth's most average guy ♪
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♪ To see if humans are worth saving ♪
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♪ Or if everyone has to die ♪
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Wait... what?
51
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- Linda.
- Hey, everyone.
52
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This is Jeff. He was nice enough
53
00:02:06,250 --> 00:02:08,884
to be my last-minute plus
one when Lindsey bailed on me.
54
00:02:08,919 --> 00:02:11,386
Ha, yeah, I just had to
move some things around.
55
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I have this iffy mole on my back
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that they wanted to get
rid of, but they have
57
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another opening in eight
months, so it should be fine.
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Anyways, once I approve the cover proofs
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for the French and Danish translations,
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my memoir is officially finished.
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- Yay!
- So I suppose you could say
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- things are pretty busy.
- Oh, busy's good.
63
00:02:26,904 --> 00:02:28,237
- You gotta stay busy.
- Busy's good.
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00:02:28,272 --> 00:02:29,571
Of course, compared to Chet,
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I'm basically doing nothing.
66
00:02:31,041 --> 00:02:32,741
Oh, that's right. What is this I hear
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about them building a statue
of you in a Chinese village?
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It's actually in northern Laos.
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I mean, all I did was
go over there and open
70
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a couple of button factories with my dad
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and now they call me "fu sen yai."
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The savior.
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It's not really a big deal to me.
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That is amazing. What about you, Jeff?
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- What do you do?
- Uh, have you heard of
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00:02:51,595 --> 00:02:53,395
- Smoothie Prince?
- Wow!
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That's your company?
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00:02:54,865 --> 00:02:57,599
No, no, no. I... I just sell them.
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Oh, so you're the head of
the marketing department.
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- Hey, still a great gig.
- No, no, I, uh...
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00:03:03,374 --> 00:03:05,440
I sell them at the mall.
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It's so cool. I can drink
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all the free smoothies I want.
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Just don't tell my boss.
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- Cool.
- Yes.
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"Busy's good"?
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Next time, give me a heads up
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before you take me to a fascist rally.
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I'll bring some books to burn!
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Come on, Jeff.
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00:03:22,126 --> 00:03:23,792
They're just being ambitious.
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00:03:23,827 --> 00:03:25,961
I mean, don't you have
any goals for your life?
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Of course I do.
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00:03:27,765 --> 00:03:29,931
I want you to be my girlfriend again.
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I don't know if you remember this,
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00:03:31,635 --> 00:03:32,601
but when we were together,
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all we did was sit on the couch
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and get high all day.
99
00:03:34,905 --> 00:03:36,772
I know. Wasn't it amazing?
100
00:03:36,807 --> 00:03:39,975
Yeah, it was fun when we
were kids in our early 20s.
101
00:03:40,010 --> 00:03:41,977
But we're in our mid-20s now.
102
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I need to be with somebody who's mature
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and pushing himself to do big things.
104
00:03:46,350 --> 00:03:47,983
Big things? I can do big things.
105
00:03:48,018 --> 00:03:49,818
But, like, how big?
106
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Are we talking, like, go to medical school
107
00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:53,422
or, like, you know,
smoke a little less weed?
108
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Wh-what are the parameters here?
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You know what? Don't worry about it.
110
00:03:57,828 --> 00:03:59,094
I'll figure it out.
111
00:04:00,597 --> 00:04:02,097
Can I have a blueberry blitz, please?
112
00:04:02,132 --> 00:04:04,132
Absolutely, sir. Are you interested in
113
00:04:04,168 --> 00:04:05,767
a free protein boost today?
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00:04:05,803 --> 00:04:07,569
Uh, sure.
115
00:04:07,604 --> 00:04:09,604
Luke, he said yes! He said yes!
116
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,073
- Okay. yeah.
- Okay, okay.
117
00:04:11,108 --> 00:04:12,574
- Okay, quick, quick, quick.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
118
00:04:12,609 --> 00:04:14,109
No, no, no, no, no. We don't play
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"Protein Surprise" around here anymore.
120
00:04:16,714 --> 00:04:19,815
From now on, we're only
gonna do big things.
121
00:04:19,850 --> 00:04:20,816
What are you talking about?
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00:04:20,851 --> 00:04:22,351
This is your favorite game ever.
123
00:04:22,386 --> 00:04:24,586
- Yeah, dude.
- You said, and I quote,
124
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"Watching a customer
unknowingly drink my [bleep]
125
00:04:27,391 --> 00:04:28,857
is one of life's greatest joys."
126
00:04:28,892 --> 00:04:30,459
- Beautiful quote.
- Hey, you know what?
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00:04:30,494 --> 00:04:32,027
I think I'm gonna go somewhere else.
128
00:04:32,062 --> 00:04:34,830
Okay, well, I don't say
things like that anymore.
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00:04:34,865 --> 00:04:37,032
The new Jeff says things like:
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let's push ourselves to do
our very best work today.
131
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And work really hard.
132
00:04:44,174 --> 00:04:46,007
Man, new Jeff sucks.
133
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They are majestic.
134
00:04:50,514 --> 00:04:52,681
They are marvelous.
135
00:04:52,716 --> 00:04:55,016
They are dazzling.
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They are humans.
137
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What'd you think?
138
00:05:00,591 --> 00:05:03,058
- Well, you're all fired.
- Wait, no!
139
00:05:03,093 --> 00:05:05,994
I can't believe we spent 7
million orbs on this mission.
140
00:05:06,029 --> 00:05:08,730
Sir, please. Humans are
magical, special creatures.
141
00:05:08,766 --> 00:05:10,165
- They deserve to be...
- Look, I know a loser planet
142
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when I see one, okay?
143
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Let's just cut our losses
144
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and vaporize this place.
145
00:05:14,004 --> 00:05:15,570
I'm out!
146
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- Got my smooth...
- Ah!
147
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Damn it! All right, who the hell is this?
148
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I told you guys, there's already
four of us sharing one bathroom.
149
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There's no room for any more.
150
00:05:26,083 --> 00:05:30,085
Ugh.
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00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:33,021
Oh! Oh! Stop it! Stop it!
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- Oh!
- Ho-holy shit!
153
00:05:35,793 --> 00:05:40,429
Now, this is something I can work with!
154
00:05:40,464 --> 00:05:41,630
It's like, I blow up planets
every day and now I'm thinking,
155
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what if those other places
had some awesome shit that we
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blew up and now I'll never
know and... how did you not
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- know about this?
- I mean, we've just been
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00:05:46,236 --> 00:05:47,402
too busy, you know? We've been
too busy working on the film,
159
00:05:47,438 --> 00:05:48,637
and that's the thing about
film: there's so many different
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aspects to it. There's the
music, the editing, the acting.
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Totally! Dude, dude! I love
hanging out with artists;
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it's so inspiring. You
know what? You know what,
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I'm gonna tell you what we're gonna do.
164
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We're gonna put on a show!
And you're gonna direct it.
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Me? I'm gonna direct it?
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And I'm gonna give you
full artistic license...
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Guys, guys, guys! Okay, I'm
glad you like the smoothies,
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- but it's getting kinda late.
- Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff!
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00:06:04,288 --> 00:06:07,022
I want to offer you an
opportunity so incredible,
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00:06:07,057 --> 00:06:10,692
so momentous that only an
idiot would turn it down.
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Okay. I'm listening.
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If you give us more of these smoothies,
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we'll usher your whole planet
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into a new era of progress,
culture, and technology
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beyond your wildest dreams.
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And you, Jeff, you will be
the man who made it all happen.
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What do you think? Sounds pretty good, huh?
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Wow, that sounds like I'd definitely be
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doing something big with my life, right?
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Are you thinking about chicks right now?
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'Cause yeah, you're gonna get
a whole lot of ass, my friend.
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Not to mention [bleep] and mouth.
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Okay, all right, dude. Take it easy.
184
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Okay? I... I'm in.
185
00:06:42,593 --> 00:06:45,126
I'm in. Just more for
the advancements and stuff
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00:06:45,162 --> 00:06:47,829
to help the Earth.
187
00:06:47,865 --> 00:06:50,165
Hey, Linda, have you ever
heard of the Bechdel Test?
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Yeah, it's that test of
either a movie or TV show
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has at least two women
who talk to each other
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about something other than a man.
191
00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:59,608
And it is shocking how many shows fail it.
192
00:06:59,643 --> 00:07:02,611
Anyway, Jeff just has no ambition.
193
00:07:02,646 --> 00:07:05,580
And it's really too bad,
because he's a great guy.
194
00:07:05,616 --> 00:07:07,682
Oh, come on. He's a deadbeat.
195
00:07:07,718 --> 00:07:10,752
We interrupt this broadcast
for news of global importance.
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00:07:10,787 --> 00:07:13,822
- What?
- Today, history was made.
197
00:07:13,857 --> 00:07:17,125
A hand has reached out
to us from the cosmos.
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Oh, my God.
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00:07:18,729 --> 00:07:20,862
And one man was there to accept it.
200
00:07:20,898 --> 00:07:23,765
One man has ushered us into a new age.
201
00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:27,135
- What?
- And that man is Jeff Mahoney.
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00:07:27,170 --> 00:07:29,004
Hey, everybody!
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00:07:29,039 --> 00:07:31,139
No [bleep] way.
204
00:07:31,174 --> 00:07:33,174
Thank you, thank you so much.
205
00:07:33,210 --> 00:07:37,812
This is a really exciting day for Earth.
206
00:07:37,848 --> 00:07:40,715
Now, I know some people
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00:07:40,751 --> 00:07:42,784
write their memoirs
when they're in their 20s
208
00:07:42,819 --> 00:07:44,119
or use their dad's money to start
209
00:07:44,154 --> 00:07:45,820
bullshit button companies,
210
00:07:45,856 --> 00:07:47,689
but I wanted to do something
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really big with my life!
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00:07:57,529 --> 00:07:59,677
Oh, and I've gotta give
another speech to the U.N.
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00:07:59,712 --> 00:08:03,859
on Thursday, and I gotta pose
for another statue on Friday.
214
00:08:03,895 --> 00:08:05,795
I mean, I've just been crazy busy.
215
00:08:05,830 --> 00:08:07,963
Busy's good.
216
00:08:07,999 --> 00:08:09,965
I gotta say, you're a lucky lady.
217
00:08:10,001 --> 00:08:11,801
Oh, uh, thank you.
218
00:08:11,836 --> 00:08:13,135
Did you just say thank you?
219
00:08:13,171 --> 00:08:14,303
Does that mean that we're going out?
220
00:08:14,338 --> 00:08:15,237
I mean, that's what you mean, right?
221
00:08:15,273 --> 00:08:16,172
Let's not talk about this right now, okay?
222
00:08:16,207 --> 00:08:17,173
There's no other way to interpret that.
223
00:08:17,208 --> 00:08:20,810
Thank you, Mr. President.
224
00:08:20,845 --> 00:08:23,245
What's up, you beautiful
smoothie-making primates?
225
00:08:23,281 --> 00:08:25,047
Are you ready to reap the benefits
226
00:08:25,082 --> 00:08:29,018
of an interplanetary deregulated
Zargonian trade system?
227
00:08:29,053 --> 00:08:31,320
- Whoo!
- Huh?
228
00:08:31,355 --> 00:08:34,023
I'm talking about giving you
guys a bunch of cool alien shit!
229
00:08:45,069 --> 00:08:47,837
Business is booming,
thanks to the massive surge
230
00:08:47,872 --> 00:08:49,438
in smoothie production.
231
00:08:49,473 --> 00:08:51,907
Let's face it, people.
Things have never been better!
232
00:08:54,045 --> 00:08:58,180
Mmm, this roast znorg is to die for!
233
00:08:58,216 --> 00:09:01,250
Do you ever wonder if this
is all too good to be true?
234
00:09:01,285 --> 00:09:03,285
Linda, please, if it
was possible for things
235
00:09:03,321 --> 00:09:07,022
to be too good to be true,
you wouldn't exist, okay?
236
00:09:07,058 --> 00:09:09,792
Oh, I'm sorry, sir. We
are no longer accepting
237
00:09:09,827 --> 00:09:11,193
any human currencies.
238
00:09:11,229 --> 00:09:13,295
You'll have to pay in Azurian orbs.
239
00:09:13,331 --> 00:09:16,465
Orbs? Where the hell am
I supposed to get those?
240
00:09:24,408 --> 00:09:25,374
Huh?
241
00:09:29,013 --> 00:09:32,214
My fellow humans, it is now clear:
242
00:09:32,250 --> 00:09:33,883
we've been had.
243
00:09:33,918 --> 00:09:35,784
Last night, while our generals
244
00:09:35,820 --> 00:09:39,054
drank Azurian wine
and danced at galas,
245
00:09:39,090 --> 00:09:43,058
the aliens stole all our weapons.
246
00:09:43,094 --> 00:09:46,295
The once-proud human
race has been turned into
247
00:09:46,330 --> 00:09:48,330
a bunch of smoothie drones.
248
00:09:48,366 --> 00:09:51,467
It's only a matter of
time before our airwaves
249
00:09:51,502 --> 00:09:53,802
are taken away from us and we are all...
250
00:09:53,838 --> 00:09:56,138
Are you an Azurian visiting Earth?
251
00:09:56,173 --> 00:09:58,240
Well, why not put some roots down
252
00:09:58,276 --> 00:10:01,343
and take advantage of this
business friendly paradise?
253
00:10:01,379 --> 00:10:03,979
I just bought this beachfront
property for only three orbs.
254
00:10:04,015 --> 00:10:05,481
- Earth rules!
- You can't do this!
255
00:10:05,516 --> 00:10:07,316
I've lived here for 30 years!
256
00:10:07,351 --> 00:10:09,785
Oh, my God, Linda. You were so right.
257
00:10:09,820 --> 00:10:12,154
It was too good to be
true. You're so intuitive.
258
00:10:12,189 --> 00:10:14,490
I guess the one good thing
to come out of all of this
259
00:10:14,525 --> 00:10:17,092
is that we can face it all together,
260
00:10:17,128 --> 00:10:20,362
- now that we're a couple, and...
- We're not a couple, Jeff.
261
00:10:20,398 --> 00:10:21,997
What is the matter with you?
262
00:10:22,033 --> 00:10:24,099
You destroyed the whole planet.
263
00:10:24,135 --> 00:10:26,268
I never wanna see you again.
264
00:10:26,304 --> 00:10:29,505
- Linda, wait!
- Don't have plans on Saturday?
265
00:10:29,540 --> 00:10:32,441
Come see "Smoothie
Planet: The Musical,"
266
00:10:32,476 --> 00:10:37,146
and prepare to be dazzled
by directing genius, Sammy.
267
00:10:37,181 --> 00:10:38,447
Sammy.
268
00:10:40,484 --> 00:10:42,785
Are you sure, Jeff?
You're willing to give us
269
00:10:42,820 --> 00:10:45,988
- your entire planet?
- Sure, I'll do anything
270
00:10:46,023 --> 00:10:48,123
for Linda's ass, [bleep], and mouth.
271
00:10:48,159 --> 00:10:50,993
And that is how the greatest business deal
272
00:10:51,028 --> 00:10:53,462
in the history of the galaxy was concluded.
273
00:10:53,497 --> 00:10:55,898
That is not how it happened!
274
00:10:55,933 --> 00:10:57,967
- Jeff! What are you doing here?
- We're still in rehearsals.
275
00:10:58,002 --> 00:11:00,035
- We're not ready for the critics.
- All right, buddy, look.
276
00:11:00,071 --> 00:11:02,371
It was great having you
guys here on Earth, okay?
277
00:11:02,406 --> 00:11:04,340
Lots of great stuff came out of it.
278
00:11:04,375 --> 00:11:06,308
I love the znorg but, uh,
279
00:11:06,344 --> 00:11:09,411
I think it's time for you guys
to pack up and go home, okay?
280
00:11:09,447 --> 00:11:11,480
Jeff, Jeff, Jeff.
281
00:11:11,515 --> 00:11:13,515
I'm sure you humans will get used to
282
00:11:13,551 --> 00:11:16,018
this new advanced way of life.
283
00:11:16,053 --> 00:11:18,554
Yeah, uh, guess I'm not being clear here.
284
00:11:18,589 --> 00:11:21,557
I want you...
285
00:11:21,592 --> 00:11:23,058
Shut up!
286
00:11:23,094 --> 00:11:24,493
Do you have any idea how easily I can kill
287
00:11:24,528 --> 00:11:26,495
every single human there is?
288
00:11:26,530 --> 00:11:28,230
This planet is ours now!
289
00:11:28,265 --> 00:11:29,498
Now get the [bleep] out of here
290
00:11:29,533 --> 00:11:32,234
before I rip the skin off your face.
291
00:11:32,269 --> 00:11:34,003
Sorry, guys.
292
00:11:34,038 --> 00:11:35,504
I think I need another smoothie.
293
00:11:35,539 --> 00:11:37,039
I'm gonna get another
smoothie. You guys good?
294
00:11:37,074 --> 00:11:39,908
You want one? You want another smoothie?
295
00:11:39,944 --> 00:11:41,443
What the heck was that?
296
00:11:41,479 --> 00:11:43,512
Oh, come on. He's just a passionate guy.
297
00:11:43,547 --> 00:11:46,615
We should go find Jeff and
help him get his planet back.
298
00:11:46,650 --> 00:11:49,084
Guys, guys, guys. Do you realize
299
00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:50,386
the opportunity you have here?
300
00:11:50,421 --> 00:11:52,187
'Cause I don't think you do.
301
00:11:52,223 --> 00:11:54,923
You'll be able to tell
people that you assisted me
302
00:11:54,959 --> 00:11:57,626
on the greatest work of my life.
303
00:11:57,661 --> 00:12:00,095
If that's not a dream you can get behind,
304
00:12:00,131 --> 00:12:02,364
well, then yeah, maybe you should walk out
305
00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,933
that door right now.
306
00:12:04,969 --> 00:12:07,469
- Jeff!
- Jeff, where are you?
307
00:12:09,974 --> 00:12:11,373
_
308
00:12:15,079 --> 00:12:16,545
Are you sure it's safe over here?
309
00:12:16,580 --> 00:12:18,313
This is where you gotta
go to get the illest,
310
00:12:18,349 --> 00:12:20,049
most authentic Earth foods.
311
00:12:20,084 --> 00:12:21,316
Like, they got this one dish where they mix
312
00:12:21,352 --> 00:12:23,952
protein and carbohydrates. It's insane.
313
00:12:23,988 --> 00:12:26,088
What have we done?
314
00:12:31,495 --> 00:12:33,228
- Holy shit, it's Jeff.
- Huh?
315
00:12:33,264 --> 00:12:34,596
Dude, where have you been?
316
00:12:34,632 --> 00:12:36,265
Do you have any idea how famous you are?
317
00:12:36,300 --> 00:12:37,666
Even my mom hates you.
318
00:12:37,701 --> 00:12:39,401
She's right to hate me.
319
00:12:39,437 --> 00:12:41,570
This time I really [bleep] up.
320
00:12:41,605 --> 00:12:44,173
I really did. I really [bleep] it good.
321
00:12:44,208 --> 00:12:46,108
- I did, I did.
- Oh, man. I've never
322
00:12:46,143 --> 00:12:47,910
seen Jeff this bummed out.
323
00:12:47,945 --> 00:12:49,244
I wish there was something we could do.
324
00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:51,613
Hey, airhead, get me a blueberry blast.
325
00:12:51,649 --> 00:12:54,450
That's it. Can I interest you
326
00:12:54,485 --> 00:12:56,452
in a free protein boost today, sir?
327
00:12:56,487 --> 00:12:59,121
Just make it fast; I haven't
had a smoothie in 20 minutes.
328
00:12:59,156 --> 00:13:01,924
Jeff, you ready to get hella cheered up?
329
00:13:04,161 --> 00:13:05,461
Huh?
330
00:13:05,496 --> 00:13:07,496
Here you go, sir.
331
00:13:07,531 --> 00:13:08,931
Stupid.
332
00:13:08,966 --> 00:13:11,133
Jeff, Jeff! You're missing it.
333
00:13:11,168 --> 00:13:12,534
Hey, wait a second,
this tastes kinda fun...
334
00:13:12,570 --> 00:13:14,002
Whoa!
335
00:13:14,038 --> 00:13:16,538
Oh, my God!
336
00:13:16,574 --> 00:13:18,140
I think we just figured out
337
00:13:18,175 --> 00:13:19,942
how to save the world!
338
00:13:20,619 --> 00:13:22,711
The uprising meets over here.
339
00:13:22,747 --> 00:13:23,712
Are you sure there's gonna be
340
00:13:23,748 --> 00:13:25,447
a lot of virile young men here?
341
00:13:25,483 --> 00:13:27,516
Geez, Jeff, will you stop asking that?
342
00:13:29,420 --> 00:13:32,254
Brothers and sisters of the uprising...
343
00:13:32,290 --> 00:13:34,356
- Linda?
- We must put aside
344
00:13:34,392 --> 00:13:38,427
our distrust and welcome
our two newest members.
345
00:13:39,463 --> 00:13:40,696
Do not be afraid.
346
00:13:40,731 --> 00:13:43,699
We support your cause... hey, is that Jeff?
347
00:13:43,734 --> 00:13:44,967
- Hey, buddy!
- No, no, no, guys, no.
348
00:13:45,002 --> 00:13:47,236
Holy shit, it's Jeff Mahoney!
349
00:13:47,271 --> 00:13:49,438
- Get him!
- Wait, wait, wait, wait!
350
00:13:49,473 --> 00:13:51,573
Wait! Can't we just talk for one second
351
00:13:51,609 --> 00:13:53,375
like mature, rational adults?
352
00:13:53,411 --> 00:13:54,877
Stop!
353
00:13:54,912 --> 00:13:57,713
Okay, Jeff. This better be good.
354
00:13:57,748 --> 00:13:59,315
Okay, so...
355
00:13:59,350 --> 00:14:00,883
I just jizzed in this smoothie.
356
00:14:01,919 --> 00:14:02,918
Jesus, Jeff.
357
00:14:02,954 --> 00:14:05,254
And you didn't let me finish.
358
00:14:05,289 --> 00:14:08,257
We discovered that's how we can fight back.
359
00:14:08,292 --> 00:14:09,825
It kills the aliens.
360
00:14:09,860 --> 00:14:11,560
I know it sounds insane, okay?
361
00:14:11,595 --> 00:14:13,796
It must have something to do
with the protein or something.
362
00:14:13,831 --> 00:14:15,731
I don't know. I'm not a scientist.
363
00:14:15,766 --> 00:14:19,601
But if you just let me feed
it to your captive here.
364
00:14:19,637 --> 00:14:21,270
What? No, no, no, no.
365
00:14:21,305 --> 00:14:23,305
Can you just waterboard me or something?
366
00:14:23,341 --> 00:14:26,442
Oh, I can't believe I
ever thought you'd grow up.
367
00:14:26,477 --> 00:14:27,910
Just... just take him away.
368
00:14:27,945 --> 00:14:29,845
Linda, ugh, please!
369
00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:31,413
Get him! Get him!
370
00:14:31,449 --> 00:14:33,749
Ah!
371
00:14:33,784 --> 00:14:36,285
Well, I hope you're
happy with yourself, be...
372
00:14:38,489 --> 00:14:40,022
See? See?
373
00:14:40,057 --> 00:14:44,693
Jeff, you crazy, beautiful, genius.
374
00:14:46,964 --> 00:14:49,465
Warriors of the uprising,
375
00:14:49,500 --> 00:14:52,034
when darkness falls upon us,
376
00:14:52,069 --> 00:14:55,304
that is when light is needed most.
377
00:14:55,339 --> 00:14:59,475
And today, we will show them
all that the eternal flame
378
00:14:59,510 --> 00:15:04,279
of humanity burns brighter than
they ever could have dreamed!
379
00:15:05,916 --> 00:15:07,783
And what I mean by that is we all need to
380
00:15:07,818 --> 00:15:11,320
jizz in this truck at
least seven times each.
381
00:15:19,497 --> 00:15:21,964
Sammy's planning a huge
finale for his show.
382
00:15:21,999 --> 00:15:24,466
He's gonna spray smoothie
all over the audience.
383
00:15:24,502 --> 00:15:26,969
The smoothie vat's right
here. And that's where we put
384
00:15:27,004 --> 00:15:29,004
the poisonous ding dong juice.
385
00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:30,572
What do you think, Linda?
386
00:15:30,608 --> 00:15:32,975
Wanna join me for a night at the theater?
387
00:15:35,679 --> 00:15:36,745
Ooh.
388
00:15:39,750 --> 00:15:41,483
Before I came to Earth,
389
00:15:41,519 --> 00:15:43,819
there was nothing on this planet.
390
00:15:43,854 --> 00:15:45,487
Nothing at all.
391
00:15:49,527 --> 00:15:50,993
We must be leaking.
392
00:15:51,028 --> 00:15:53,328
We can't stop. There's no time.
393
00:15:53,364 --> 00:15:57,399
I got this. If I fall,
you go on without me.
394
00:15:57,435 --> 00:15:58,500
I love you, Linda.
395
00:16:06,043 --> 00:16:08,510
God damn it!
396
00:16:08,546 --> 00:16:12,915
Oh. No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
397
00:16:14,051 --> 00:16:15,017
Oh.
398
00:16:20,157 --> 00:16:21,857
- Through here.
- Great, great.
399
00:16:21,892 --> 00:16:23,559
Let's just hurry this
up so we can all get back
400
00:16:23,594 --> 00:16:25,527
and take showers and stuff.
401
00:16:29,667 --> 00:16:31,033
You're not supposed to
402
00:16:31,068 --> 00:16:32,034
be back here.
403
00:16:32,069 --> 00:16:34,103
Oh, oh, God.
404
00:16:34,138 --> 00:16:36,105
♪ Now your human lives have meaning ♪
405
00:16:36,140 --> 00:16:38,474
♪ You make smoothies every day ♪
406
00:16:38,509 --> 00:16:40,375
♪ Do you ever miss
the way things were? ♪
407
00:16:40,411 --> 00:16:41,376
- No, sir.
- Uh-uh.
408
00:16:41,412 --> 00:16:42,411
No way.
409
00:16:43,848 --> 00:16:45,481
Now!
410
00:16:45,516 --> 00:16:46,882
No! It must have
411
00:16:46,917 --> 00:16:48,717
- all leaked out.
- What are we gonna do?
412
00:16:48,752 --> 00:16:51,053
I'd say we need at least
15 loads for this to work.
413
00:16:51,088 --> 00:16:52,588
And that's a conservative estimate.
414
00:16:52,623 --> 00:16:53,989
But that's impossible!
415
00:16:54,024 --> 00:16:55,591
No, it's not.
416
00:16:56,627 --> 00:17:00,062
Jeff.
417
00:17:00,097 --> 00:17:01,830
That's one.
418
00:17:01,866 --> 00:17:04,066
I just really hope that
when this is all over,
419
00:17:04,101 --> 00:17:05,767
people will remember
that there was a lot more
420
00:17:05,803 --> 00:17:08,003
to this fight than just
jizzing in smoothies.
421
00:17:08,038 --> 00:17:10,472
This was about oppression and imperialism,
422
00:17:10,508 --> 00:17:12,641
and the interplay...
423
00:17:12,676 --> 00:17:13,742
That's two.
424
00:17:13,777 --> 00:17:16,979
♪ Thank God for aliens ♪
425
00:17:17,014 --> 00:17:20,015
♪ Thank God for aliens ♪
426
00:17:20,050 --> 00:17:23,819
♪ They made our lives worth living ♪
427
00:17:26,891 --> 00:17:29,791
- Five.
- You can do it, Jeff.
428
00:17:29,827 --> 00:17:33,762
♪ I believe that God
is a man in the sky ♪
429
00:17:33,797 --> 00:17:37,432
♪ I believe that God
has elephant eyes ♪
430
00:17:37,468 --> 00:17:39,835
♪ Well, you're all wrong ♪
431
00:17:39,870 --> 00:17:43,839
♪ God is an alien named Zothrax ♪
432
00:17:43,874 --> 00:17:45,941
- Ohh!
- 13!
433
00:17:45,976 --> 00:17:47,943
Ah, I can't.
434
00:17:47,978 --> 00:17:49,978
I think that might be all I've got in me.
435
00:17:50,014 --> 00:17:52,814
I believe in you, Jeff.
436
00:17:52,850 --> 00:17:54,550
Oh, God.
437
00:17:54,585 --> 00:17:56,451
I forgot how amazing these feel.
438
00:17:56,487 --> 00:17:58,453
Uh, uh, uh.
439
00:17:58,489 --> 00:18:00,122
14!
440
00:18:00,157 --> 00:18:01,890
- Ooh!
- 15!
441
00:18:01,926 --> 00:18:03,125
- Yay!
- You did it, Jeff!
442
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:04,193
You did it! You...
443
00:18:04,228 --> 00:18:06,461
16? Nice.
444
00:18:06,497 --> 00:18:08,730
All right everybody, all right.
445
00:18:08,766 --> 00:18:10,699
We're just about at the
end of the show here.
446
00:18:10,734 --> 00:18:12,634
But what I wanna know is how many of you
447
00:18:12,670 --> 00:18:14,903
wanna try a smoothie right now?
448
00:18:16,740 --> 00:18:19,808
I can't hear you!
449
00:18:22,846 --> 00:18:24,513
Bravo! Bravo!
450
00:18:24,548 --> 00:18:26,648
This is what I love about the theater.
451
00:18:26,684 --> 00:18:29,017
It has an energy...
452
00:18:31,922 --> 00:18:33,822
What the [bleep] was that?
453
00:18:33,857 --> 00:18:35,824
I don't know, man. But I'm never touching
454
00:18:35,859 --> 00:18:37,226
this devil juice again.
455
00:18:37,261 --> 00:18:38,527
I'm getting the hell out of here!
456
00:18:38,562 --> 00:18:39,761
Aw, now there's no way
457
00:18:39,797 --> 00:18:41,597
I can put this show on my resume.
458
00:18:46,737 --> 00:18:50,205
Whoo! Let's go home
and make love right now.
459
00:18:50,241 --> 00:18:53,377
That sounds great, but, uh,
let's pencil that in for, like,
460
00:18:53,412 --> 00:18:55,076
two or three weeks from now.
461
00:18:58,378 --> 00:19:01,078
That was the last symbol
left of our oppressors!
462
00:19:02,382 --> 00:19:04,048
Finally, we can return to a world where
463
00:19:04,083 --> 00:19:06,183
we're all treated as equals.
464
00:19:06,219 --> 00:19:08,886
Ignacio, Jorge, you guys
are gonna take this stuff
465
00:19:08,921 --> 00:19:11,422
to the dump, okay? Gracias.
466
00:19:11,457 --> 00:19:13,024
And finally,
467
00:19:13,059 --> 00:19:15,226
after years of fruitless efforts,
468
00:19:15,261 --> 00:19:18,863
the male and the female
come together as one.
469
00:19:18,898 --> 00:19:21,399
He puts on his favorite mood song.
470
00:19:21,434 --> 00:19:23,067
- The passion is intense.
- Oh, yeah!
471
00:19:23,102 --> 00:19:24,068
And when it is over...
472
00:19:24,103 --> 00:19:25,536
Oh, Linda!
473
00:19:25,571 --> 00:19:27,204
The male will check
in with his mate.
474
00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:29,440
That was amazing. Was it good for you?
475
00:19:29,475 --> 00:19:33,310
And even though she
is far from satisfied,
476
00:19:33,346 --> 00:19:35,479
the male will never know.
477
00:19:35,515 --> 00:19:37,114
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
478
00:19:37,150 --> 00:19:39,083
- It was great.
- Wow.
479
00:19:39,118 --> 00:19:41,886
That's so noble and selfless of her.
480
00:19:41,921 --> 00:19:43,754
Humans are magical creatures, sir.
481
00:19:43,790 --> 00:19:46,090
- I've always said that.
- Yeah, I mean,
482
00:19:46,125 --> 00:19:48,559
they're a lot more dignified
than I initially thought.
483
00:19:48,594 --> 00:19:51,395
Ugh, man. Wish we could keep studying them.
484
00:19:51,431 --> 00:19:53,497
But they know all about
us now. We really goofed up
485
00:19:53,533 --> 00:19:55,166
this mission, didn't we, boys?
486
00:19:55,201 --> 00:19:56,434
I have an idea for how to
487
00:19:56,469 --> 00:19:57,935
get things back to how they were.
488
00:19:57,970 --> 00:19:59,470
But it's pretty lame.
489
00:19:59,505 --> 00:20:02,173
Lemme guess, is it to erase their memories?
490
00:20:02,208 --> 00:20:04,942
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
491
00:20:04,977 --> 00:20:06,577
I was thinking that too.
492
00:20:06,612 --> 00:20:08,412
I hate to use this old device.
493
00:20:13,953 --> 00:20:18,122
Ohh, man. This is all I ever wanted.
494
00:20:18,157 --> 00:20:19,924
I can't believe I got what I wanted.
495
00:20:19,959 --> 00:20:22,126
This never happens to me. This literally...
496
00:20:22,161 --> 00:20:23,928
Ahh!
497
00:20:23,963 --> 00:20:25,830
Well, here we are again, Jeff.
498
00:20:25,865 --> 00:20:28,466
Sitting on the couch, getting high,
499
00:20:28,501 --> 00:20:30,534
listening to shitty reggae.
500
00:20:30,570 --> 00:20:32,970
Don't you ever want more out of life, Jeff?
501
00:20:33,005 --> 00:20:35,873
Don't you ever dream
about doing big things?
502
00:20:35,908 --> 00:20:40,611
Big things, huh? What kinda big things?
503
00:20:40,646 --> 00:20:43,814
_
504
00:20:45,017 --> 00:20:47,518
Hey! _
505
00:20:47,553 --> 00:20:49,820
- Huh?
- _
506
00:20:49,856 --> 00:20:52,957
_
507
00:20:52,992 --> 00:20:53,958
Cut.
508
00:20:53,993 --> 00:20:55,531
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
35395
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