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1
00:00:08,397 --> 00:00:09,269
Wow!
2
00:00:09,304 --> 00:00:11,967
You are getting nasty.
3
00:00:12,002 --> 00:00:14,519
I'd hate to be the kid following
you at that talent show.
4
00:00:14,554 --> 00:00:16,833
They're gonna be scarred for life.
5
00:00:16,907 --> 00:00:18,139
Actually, Uncle Jeff,
6
00:00:18,174 --> 00:00:20,228
I'm not doing the talent show this year.
7
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I'm quitting the flute.
8
00:00:21,696 --> 00:00:23,127
What are you talking about?
9
00:00:23,162 --> 00:00:26,059
I've got to start focusing
on my brand and being hot.
10
00:00:26,094 --> 00:00:27,745
- That's really hard work.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
11
00:00:27,799 --> 00:00:30,006
I ought to wash your
[bleep] mouth out with soap,
12
00:00:30,041 --> 00:00:32,811
talking like that. You have real talent.
13
00:00:32,899 --> 00:00:34,891
- You don't need to...
- Sorry, Uncle Jeff.
14
00:00:34,926 --> 00:00:37,228
The flute was a really
fun part of my childhood,
15
00:00:37,263 --> 00:00:39,671
but my childhood is over.
16
00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:42,786
♪ One dick is never
enough, I want ♪
17
00:00:42,852 --> 00:00:43,828
Whoa.
18
00:00:43,863 --> 00:00:45,832
♪ Two dicks right in the... ♪
19
00:00:45,919 --> 00:00:47,023
Hello?
20
00:00:47,088 --> 00:00:48,871
Holy [bleep], what?
21
00:00:48,929 --> 00:00:50,873
I got to go. My Uber's here.
22
00:00:50,936 --> 00:00:53,010
Julie, wait, what we've been doing in there
23
00:00:53,056 --> 00:00:54,633
is nothing to be ashamed of.
24
00:00:54,668 --> 00:00:55,841
It's a beautiful thing.
25
00:00:55,876 --> 00:00:57,537
Look, Jeff, I'm 13.
26
00:00:57,572 --> 00:00:59,473
You can't make me do
things I don't want to do.
27
00:00:59,508 --> 00:01:00,683
Oh, my God.
28
00:01:00,753 --> 00:01:04,030
No, wait, Julie, no, no. Oh.
29
00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:06,020
Jeff, in my country, we say,
30
00:01:06,055 --> 00:01:09,667
a man should not pick green peaches.
31
00:01:09,702 --> 00:01:13,683
Okay. Well, uh, good to know.
32
00:01:13,718 --> 00:01:14,476
See you later.
33
00:01:14,511 --> 00:01:17,173
♪ Three aliens
came from the sky ♪
34
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♪ The Galactic
Council sent them ♪
35
00:01:18,871 --> 00:01:20,391
♪ And here's the reason why ♪
36
00:01:20,462 --> 00:01:21,807
♪ Their mission is to study ♪
37
00:01:21,873 --> 00:01:25,048
♪ Earth's most average guy ♪
38
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♪ To see if humans are worth saving ♪
39
00:01:26,656 --> 00:01:29,665
♪ Or if everyone has to die ♪
40
00:01:29,700 --> 00:01:31,894
Wait, what?
41
00:01:31,929 --> 00:01:32,924
This sucks.
42
00:01:32,982 --> 00:01:34,917
What the hell is happening to my niece?
43
00:01:34,971 --> 00:01:37,058
In our research, we found that humans
44
00:01:37,136 --> 00:01:38,939
go through a period of change
45
00:01:39,038 --> 00:01:41,304
right around the age of puberty.
46
00:01:41,406 --> 00:01:43,809
Wow. You guys are really doing
47
00:01:43,910 --> 00:01:46,847
some groundbreaking work here, aren't ya?
48
00:01:46,946 --> 00:01:50,216
First, they start being rude and sarcastic.
49
00:01:50,317 --> 00:01:52,414
Then they try to fit in by giving up
50
00:01:52,449 --> 00:01:55,596
the very quirks and interests
that make them who they are.
51
00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:58,692
Next thing you know, they're
all just dreamless husks,
52
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stumbling blind toward the grave
53
00:02:01,126 --> 00:02:04,247
like a bunch of sad, lonely ghosts.
54
00:02:04,282 --> 00:02:05,391
Jesus!
55
00:02:05,469 --> 00:02:07,936
Look what would've happened to
your favorite cultural heroes
56
00:02:07,971 --> 00:02:09,830
if they'd given up on their dreams.
57
00:02:09,865 --> 00:02:11,938
You ever heard of Drizzy Drake?
58
00:02:12,038 --> 00:02:14,743
We started from the bottom.
59
00:02:14,778 --> 00:02:16,247
Now we're here.
60
00:02:16,357 --> 00:02:17,687
Which is very alarming, I might add.
61
00:02:17,722 --> 00:02:19,792
Oh, God, not the 6 Man.
62
00:02:19,846 --> 00:02:21,648
There's more.
63
00:02:21,748 --> 00:02:23,217
♪ Hello? ♪
64
00:02:23,317 --> 00:02:24,885
Hi, yes, um,
65
00:02:24,985 --> 00:02:27,521
I'm calling to see if you're
satisfied with your current
66
00:02:27,621 --> 00:02:28,654
auto insurance policy...
67
00:02:28,754 --> 00:02:31,345
Jesus, turn that off. Come on, stop it.
68
00:02:31,380 --> 00:02:33,069
You know, I used to have a dream too.
69
00:02:33,104 --> 00:02:34,939
Heh, it might sound silly,
70
00:02:35,007 --> 00:02:38,910
but I wanted to be a
professional bongo player.
71
00:02:38,945 --> 00:02:41,107
That doesn't sound silly at all.
72
00:02:41,142 --> 00:02:42,959
Sometimes I wonder what
my life would've been like
73
00:02:43,061 --> 00:02:44,700
if I'd just stuck with it.
74
00:02:44,769 --> 00:02:47,675
I had a feeling you might
be curious about that.
75
00:02:47,745 --> 00:02:50,469
Always like to be prepared.
76
00:02:56,049 --> 00:02:58,885
Arigato, Kyoto!
77
00:02:58,985 --> 00:03:00,034
- Jeff! Jeff!
- Here!
78
00:03:00,112 --> 00:03:02,133
No, no, no. Not tonight, ladies.
79
00:03:02,219 --> 00:03:04,290
I'm sorry. I just can't have an orgy
80
00:03:04,390 --> 00:03:05,625
every single night.
81
00:03:05,724 --> 00:03:07,526
Aww.
82
00:03:07,627 --> 00:03:09,364
Oh, all right.
83
00:03:09,417 --> 00:03:10,693
Yay.
84
00:03:10,763 --> 00:03:12,880
The next eight hours get pretty filthy.
85
00:03:12,915 --> 00:03:15,568
Okay, well, there is no way I can let Julie
86
00:03:15,651 --> 00:03:17,898
make the same mistake I did.
87
00:03:17,933 --> 00:03:19,655
But I don't know how in the hell
88
00:03:19,756 --> 00:03:21,214
I'm supposed to get through to her.
89
00:03:21,315 --> 00:03:23,318
Yeah, it's nearly impossible
to have any influence
90
00:03:23,373 --> 00:03:24,793
on a preteen girl these days.
91
00:03:24,893 --> 00:03:26,562
Unless you're one of her besties,
92
00:03:26,662 --> 00:03:29,445
a celebrity, or even a frenemy.
93
00:03:29,523 --> 00:03:32,068
How do you guys know so
much about preteen girls?
94
00:03:32,123 --> 00:03:34,738
- We keep one in the basement.
- What?
95
00:03:34,838 --> 00:03:36,246
Meet Sasha.
96
00:03:36,316 --> 00:03:37,840
Oh, my God, you killed a child!
97
00:03:37,941 --> 00:03:39,576
Oh, no. Oh, I've got to call the cops...
98
00:03:39,619 --> 00:03:41,202
- Jeff, relax.
- Call the cops...
99
00:03:41,325 --> 00:03:42,126
It's a robot.
100
00:03:42,227 --> 00:03:43,394
Oh...
101
00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:45,751
You see, Jeff, our original
mission was to study
102
00:03:45,786 --> 00:03:49,367
the most complex social
creature on your entire planet,
103
00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:50,886
tween girls.
104
00:03:50,939 --> 00:03:54,152
But ultimately we had to find a
subject that was more simplistic...
105
00:03:54,187 --> 00:03:56,314
Oblivious, easily impressed...
106
00:03:56,349 --> 00:03:58,812
Wow, a robot! This is awesome.
107
00:03:58,874 --> 00:04:00,496
Whoa, okay. All right.
108
00:04:00,595 --> 00:04:02,167
Well, all we got to do is
109
00:04:02,268 --> 00:04:04,733
get her in the same
room as Julie and boom...
110
00:04:04,834 --> 00:04:06,174
they'll be besties in no time.
111
00:04:06,268 --> 00:04:08,247
And then we'll convince her
to keep playing the flute
112
00:04:08,317 --> 00:04:09,196
and follow her dreams.
113
00:04:09,258 --> 00:04:11,642
I mean, this plan couldn't be any simpler.
114
00:04:15,001 --> 00:04:18,138
Mm, this shepherd's pie is great.
115
00:04:18,173 --> 00:04:20,167
Those shepherds, they really
had it figured out, huh?
116
00:04:20,206 --> 00:04:22,235
Jeff, I still don't fully understand.
117
00:04:22,336 --> 00:04:23,860
Who is this girl?
118
00:04:23,906 --> 00:04:25,273
Look, it's pretty simple.
119
00:04:25,308 --> 00:04:27,503
Her dad is a buddy of mine.
120
00:04:27,589 --> 00:04:31,174
You know, he's a... a local
minor league football player.
121
00:04:31,209 --> 00:04:33,904
And he has a bunch of away games in a row,
122
00:04:33,994 --> 00:04:36,965
so he just asked me to keep an
eye on Sasha while he's out of...
123
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:39,725
Wait, he plays for the Tigersharks?
124
00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:42,370
Uh, yeah, but that... that's not the point.
125
00:04:42,432 --> 00:04:44,372
Holy [bleep]! Who is he?
126
00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:46,176
Please tell me it's Tyrese Marshall.
127
00:04:46,275 --> 00:04:47,876
What? N-no, no, no, uh.
128
00:04:47,927 --> 00:04:49,356
He's new there, and, like,
129
00:04:49,457 --> 00:04:51,481
third-string wide receiver
or something. Anywa...
130
00:04:51,580 --> 00:04:54,850
Carl Lingus! Your dad is Carl Lingus?
131
00:04:54,950 --> 00:04:57,386
Look, you're getting hung up
on the wrong details, okay?
132
00:04:57,486 --> 00:05:00,089
The point is, Sasha is really cool
133
00:05:00,190 --> 00:05:03,627
and maybe her and Julie could be friends.
134
00:05:03,726 --> 00:05:05,120
Hey.
135
00:05:05,155 --> 00:05:07,697
Hi, are you on social media?
136
00:05:07,796 --> 00:05:09,892
Because I'm on all the
most popular platforms,
137
00:05:09,927 --> 00:05:12,835
- including LinkedIn and Badoo.
- Uhh...
138
00:05:12,936 --> 00:05:16,984
Hey, Sasha, that's not
how cool people talk.
139
00:05:17,038 --> 00:05:18,794
Okay, sorry, sorry. Uh.
140
00:05:18,829 --> 00:05:20,876
Do you want to talk about hair?
141
00:05:20,976 --> 00:05:22,233
Sure.
142
00:05:22,295 --> 00:05:26,016
Well, I'm very excited because
I recently grew pubic hair.
143
00:05:26,116 --> 00:05:26,985
- Ew!
- It's a natural cushion
144
00:05:27,063 --> 00:05:28,885
against friction and
protection from bacteria
145
00:05:28,984 --> 00:05:30,752
and other unwanted pathogens.
146
00:05:32,522 --> 00:05:34,991
As you can see, she's really smart.
147
00:05:35,090 --> 00:05:36,611
What the hell was that?
148
00:05:36,674 --> 00:05:38,269
We tried to tell you, Jeff.
149
00:05:38,304 --> 00:05:40,530
Girls are an exquisite
mystery that can't be unlocked.
150
00:05:40,630 --> 00:05:43,766
No, no, no, no, no, that's
not the problem here, okay?
151
00:05:43,866 --> 00:05:47,105
I'm just gonna have to pilot
this teenage girl robot myself,
152
00:05:47,140 --> 00:05:49,065
like any good uncle would do.
153
00:05:49,100 --> 00:05:51,241
It's pretty... uh... small.
154
00:05:51,340 --> 00:05:54,808
This is... gonna be a tight squeeze... ooh.
155
00:05:54,863 --> 00:05:57,113
Okay, I'm inside of her now.
156
00:05:57,212 --> 00:06:00,213
Oh, this feels amazing!
157
00:06:00,248 --> 00:06:02,716
Oh, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff.
158
00:06:04,253 --> 00:06:06,055
- It's only $2,000.
- Oh, my God.
159
00:06:06,154 --> 00:06:09,191
But my dad won't buy it. He's
being such a little bitch.
160
00:06:09,291 --> 00:06:10,985
He makes, like, twice that every month.
161
00:06:11,095 --> 00:06:12,996
Hey, Julie! Over here.
162
00:06:13,096 --> 00:06:14,731
There you are. Hey!
163
00:06:14,830 --> 00:06:15,577
What?
164
00:06:15,612 --> 00:06:16,999
Oh, God; hide me.
165
00:06:17,099 --> 00:06:18,835
Hey.
166
00:06:20,068 --> 00:06:21,503
Sorry about last night.
167
00:06:21,604 --> 00:06:23,552
I know I was acting a little weird.
168
00:06:23,587 --> 00:06:26,176
I was on my period.
169
00:06:26,275 --> 00:06:28,557
You guys know how that is, right?
170
00:06:28,643 --> 00:06:30,113
- What?
- Who the [bleep] are you?
171
00:06:30,212 --> 00:06:32,080
I'm Sasha.
172
00:06:32,181 --> 00:06:34,396
Just a cool normal girl like you guys
173
00:06:34,482 --> 00:06:36,852
into pretty much all the same stuff.
174
00:06:36,952 --> 00:06:38,320
Like... Jezebel.
175
00:06:38,421 --> 00:06:41,332
Huge fan. I love that she's, uh,
176
00:06:41,437 --> 00:06:45,528
known for reinventing her style
and using overtly sexual themes.
177
00:06:45,628 --> 00:06:48,797
"Jezebel has been described
as the voice of a generation.
178
00:06:48,897 --> 00:06:52,827
"In 2014, 'Vagina Monologues'
author, Eve Ensler,
179
00:06:52,905 --> 00:06:56,431
stated that the singer was
brave and fearless and..."
180
00:06:56,466 --> 00:06:58,538
- Huh.
- Oh, whoa, check this out.
181
00:06:58,601 --> 00:06:59,808
Did you guys know that Eve Ensler
182
00:06:59,909 --> 00:07:01,089
is a Nichiren Buddhist?
183
00:07:01,167 --> 00:07:03,012
Anyway,
184
00:07:03,113 --> 00:07:05,869
you guys thinking of doing that
talent show this week or what?
185
00:07:05,955 --> 00:07:07,744
Oh, my God, I am so sorry, guys.
186
00:07:07,814 --> 00:07:09,567
This is my Uncle Jeff's weird friend.
187
00:07:09,602 --> 00:07:11,588
The old fat guy with the bongos?
188
00:07:11,623 --> 00:07:12,485
Hey!
189
00:07:12,555 --> 00:07:13,868
You shouldn't talk about people that way
190
00:07:13,954 --> 00:07:15,369
because you could hurt their feelings.
191
00:07:15,404 --> 00:07:17,876
Some people are really self-conscious
about the way they look.
192
00:07:17,946 --> 00:07:19,936
You know, they're really
sensitive, you know?
193
00:07:19,971 --> 00:07:22,671
I mean, not me because
I have thick skin, but...
194
00:07:22,749 --> 00:07:23,914
You have thick skin?
195
00:07:23,949 --> 00:07:25,618
So I can go ahead and tell you
196
00:07:25,704 --> 00:07:28,570
that I can see your
disgusting pepperoni nipples...
197
00:07:28,671 --> 00:07:30,554
And they make me want to puke.
198
00:07:30,589 --> 00:07:34,379
I was thinking the same thing.
199
00:07:36,147 --> 00:07:37,094
- There, there, buddy.
- Oh, buddy.
200
00:07:37,129 --> 00:07:38,812
I'm never going back. I hate Julie!
201
00:07:38,882 --> 00:07:42,037
I hate her, and I hate,
hate, hate her friends.
202
00:07:42,071 --> 00:07:44,219
- They're just jealous.
- Shut up.
203
00:07:46,247 --> 00:07:48,005
Can I help you, sir?
204
00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:50,015
Yes, hi. I have a daughter
205
00:07:50,117 --> 00:07:52,905
who's getting teased a
little at school, heh.
206
00:07:52,999 --> 00:07:54,937
Nothing major, I just, uh,
207
00:07:54,972 --> 00:07:57,002
I was just wondering if you could help me
208
00:07:57,088 --> 00:07:59,176
get her a snazzy new look?
209
00:07:59,275 --> 00:08:00,777
Sure, yeah, no problem.
What do you have in...
210
00:08:00,878 --> 00:08:02,826
Oh, and we've got to make sure they really
211
00:08:02,904 --> 00:08:05,450
cover her nipples well because, apparently,
212
00:08:05,549 --> 00:08:08,302
they look like pepperoni,
and I guess that's not good.
213
00:08:09,099 --> 00:08:11,021
♪ We're gonna shop shop shop ♪
214
00:08:11,121 --> 00:08:13,174
♪ Till we drop drop drop ♪
215
00:08:13,275 --> 00:08:16,496
♪ And then we're gonna
[bleep] some guys ♪
216
00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:18,480
♪ We'll wear our
fancy new tops ♪
217
00:08:18,577 --> 00:08:20,261
♪ While we suck their [bleep] ♪
218
00:08:20,296 --> 00:08:23,615
♪ And then they'll shoot
it all over our eyes ♪
219
00:08:24,497 --> 00:08:27,804
♪ 'Cause nothing feels
better than being a hottie ♪
220
00:08:27,904 --> 00:08:31,378
♪ With a hot, juicy
body and a credit card ♪
221
00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:33,462
♪ We love glitter
that sparkles ♪
222
00:08:33,524 --> 00:08:35,478
♪ Designer belt buckles ♪
223
00:08:35,578 --> 00:08:36,934
♪ Gossip and chuckles ♪
224
00:08:37,005 --> 00:08:39,747
♪ And [bleep] that are hard ♪
225
00:08:39,782 --> 00:08:44,322
Ooh, yeah, this sparkly little
number with these shorts.
226
00:08:44,422 --> 00:08:46,864
Oh, that is so adorable...
227
00:08:46,899 --> 00:08:48,487
And... oh, [bleep].
228
00:08:48,522 --> 00:08:49,927
Guys, I completely forgot about work.
229
00:08:50,026 --> 00:08:51,661
I'm supposed to be there in 20 minutes.
230
00:08:51,761 --> 00:08:53,310
- What am I gonna do?
- Go to work.
231
00:08:53,345 --> 00:08:55,033
It's fine. I'll pilot Sasha.
232
00:08:55,132 --> 00:08:57,597
No, no, no, no, no, there's
got to be another solution.
233
00:08:57,632 --> 00:08:58,907
Maybe I can call in sick.
234
00:08:58,942 --> 00:09:00,998
You guys could fake a doctor's note, right?
235
00:09:01,061 --> 00:09:02,001
Wait, but I just... said that...
236
00:09:02,059 --> 00:09:04,429
We could use the Jeff
we have in the basement.
237
00:09:04,629 --> 00:09:05,529
The what?
238
00:09:05,708 --> 00:09:06,977
Ta-da!
239
00:09:07,077 --> 00:09:08,846
What? This is ridiculous.
240
00:09:08,946 --> 00:09:12,349
Nobody's gonna believe this fat slob is me.
241
00:09:12,448 --> 00:09:15,203
But, you know, I guess it'll have to do
242
00:09:15,273 --> 00:09:16,419
since we're in a time crunch.
243
00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:18,766
Okay, so I'll just hop
right back in there and...
244
00:09:18,801 --> 00:09:21,357
Okay, look, man, I was trying
to say it without saying it,
245
00:09:21,458 --> 00:09:24,698
but maybe robots aren't
your thing, you know?
246
00:09:24,768 --> 00:09:25,992
You're good at other stuff.
247
00:09:26,070 --> 00:09:28,399
You think so? Like what?
248
00:09:28,499 --> 00:09:29,902
You know, you got a...
249
00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:32,092
a deep voice. Sexy.
250
00:09:32,127 --> 00:09:32,962
Oh, oh, okay.
251
00:09:32,997 --> 00:09:35,235
Sammy, I know you can do this.
252
00:09:35,270 --> 00:09:38,104
And look, I know you like to
kind of boss everybody around
253
00:09:38,197 --> 00:09:40,277
all the time, but that's not me, okay?
254
00:09:40,377 --> 00:09:42,999
My management philosophy's more like
255
00:09:43,108 --> 00:09:45,082
"I don't really care that much," all right?
256
00:09:45,182 --> 00:09:46,638
Jeff, come on, don't worry.
257
00:09:46,716 --> 00:09:49,672
You can trust me. I'm
not like these idiots.
258
00:09:49,707 --> 00:09:52,622
Hey, why do you guys
have this thing anyway?
259
00:09:52,722 --> 00:09:54,724
Uhh...
260
00:09:54,824 --> 00:09:56,583
That's right, Let it out!
261
00:09:56,618 --> 00:09:58,173
- Stupid Jeff!
- Yeah.
262
00:09:58,208 --> 00:10:00,297
Never gives me a chance.
263
00:10:00,398 --> 00:10:02,366
- Never takes the time to listen.
- Ooh, oh, yeah.
264
00:10:02,466 --> 00:10:05,016
Actually, Jeff, I'm really glad you asked.
265
00:10:05,051 --> 00:10:07,061
You see, it's a therapy bot...
266
00:10:07,163 --> 00:10:08,338
I... I don't have time for this, okay?
267
00:10:08,438 --> 00:10:10,440
I got way too much
important stuff on my plate.
268
00:10:10,540 --> 00:10:12,842
Which reminds me, what do you guys think?
269
00:10:12,943 --> 00:10:15,360
Berry Nice or Sunday Funday?
270
00:10:15,430 --> 00:10:17,754
Ooh, I really like Berry Nice.
271
00:10:17,789 --> 00:10:20,836
No, I think Sunday Funday is more me.
272
00:10:20,918 --> 00:10:22,920
Why does he even ask?
273
00:10:24,422 --> 00:10:26,991
My sister's 23 and has
of all of these disgusting
274
00:10:27,091 --> 00:10:28,640
- wrinkles when she smiles.
- Ew.
275
00:10:28,675 --> 00:10:30,581
Lets make a pact to kill ourselves
276
00:10:30,616 --> 00:10:32,071
before we ever get that old.
277
00:10:32,106 --> 00:10:33,379
I already know a good bridge.
278
00:10:33,468 --> 00:10:34,903
What the...
279
00:10:40,704 --> 00:10:42,743
- Sasha?
- Oh, hey.
280
00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:46,410
I'm surprised you recognized
me with my hot new look.
281
00:10:46,510 --> 00:10:47,810
You're right.
282
00:10:47,910 --> 00:10:50,052
You look like a totally different loser.
283
00:10:50,087 --> 00:10:51,715
What?
284
00:10:51,814 --> 00:10:52,748
But I thought that...
285
00:10:52,850 --> 00:10:54,085
Oh, you know what? I give up.
286
00:10:54,184 --> 00:10:57,387
I just wasted $5,000
trying to impress you guys.
287
00:10:57,487 --> 00:11:00,756
I mean, I could've bought two
really good cars for that money!
288
00:11:00,857 --> 00:11:01,743
You know what the problem is?
289
00:11:01,778 --> 00:11:03,477
There's no way to get through to you people
290
00:11:03,555 --> 00:11:05,162
because you don't care about... oh!
291
00:11:05,261 --> 00:11:06,731
Oh, my God.
292
00:11:06,831 --> 00:11:08,912
It's Jesse!
293
00:11:08,991 --> 00:11:11,135
Sorry, my ball hit you in the face.
294
00:11:11,235 --> 00:11:13,604
Yeah, watch where you're
throwing that thing, buddy.
295
00:11:13,703 --> 00:11:15,640
Oh, my God, you're so lucky.
296
00:11:15,740 --> 00:11:17,956
I'd kill to have Jesse's
ball touch my face.
297
00:11:17,991 --> 00:11:20,109
I want both of his balls right in my mouth
298
00:11:20,144 --> 00:11:22,117
so I can suck 'em like jawbreakers.
299
00:11:22,203 --> 00:11:23,421
Ah-la-la-la.
300
00:11:23,514 --> 00:11:26,424
- Yeah.
- Ha-ha, very good, ha-ha.
301
00:11:26,518 --> 00:11:31,378
So this Jesse guy is a
pretty desirable fellow, huh?
302
00:11:31,456 --> 00:11:33,725
You'd probably do something if
he thought it was cool, right?
303
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:34,550
- Yeah.
- Deffo.
304
00:11:34,585 --> 00:11:35,618
Obvi.
305
00:11:35,696 --> 00:11:38,161
Good to know.
306
00:11:38,347 --> 00:11:39,853
That was a "yes," right?
307
00:11:42,456 --> 00:11:43,506
Dude, check it out.
308
00:11:43,568 --> 00:11:46,390
That lady looks exactly like Dave Grohl.
309
00:11:46,425 --> 00:11:47,871
Oh, yeah, like when he was
310
00:11:47,971 --> 00:11:49,907
in that band before the Foo Fighters.
311
00:11:50,008 --> 00:11:52,432
Is that how you mop?
You got to be kidding me.
312
00:11:52,510 --> 00:11:54,736
You got to use a full figure-eight motion.
313
00:11:54,771 --> 00:11:56,201
Like this, see?
314
00:11:56,236 --> 00:11:57,682
But make sure the mop head doesn't
315
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,728
splash against the baseboard, you idiot!
316
00:12:00,763 --> 00:12:02,907
Oh, okay.
317
00:12:02,946 --> 00:12:03,959
Sorry, Jeff.
318
00:12:04,029 --> 00:12:05,623
But, uh, hey,
319
00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:09,873
I don't really care
because I'm a relaxed guy.
320
00:12:09,928 --> 00:12:11,711
Oh, come on. What are you doing?
321
00:12:11,797 --> 00:12:12,929
I was making a smoothie.
322
00:12:13,029 --> 00:12:15,103
Look, all the fruit is stuck on the top.
323
00:12:15,153 --> 00:12:18,487
You've got to take the cover
off and pack it down like this.
324
00:12:18,522 --> 00:12:19,869
Ah, no... no!
325
00:12:19,970 --> 00:12:22,906
See? That's how you make a smoothie.
326
00:12:24,089 --> 00:12:26,466
And hey, would it kill you to crack a smile
327
00:12:26,501 --> 00:12:29,988
every once in a while? Jesus Christ!
328
00:12:30,914 --> 00:12:32,216
I had it all wrong.
329
00:12:32,316 --> 00:12:34,387
I was focusing on the
little girls this whole time,
330
00:12:34,457 --> 00:12:37,663
but it's the little boys I
should really be going after.
331
00:12:37,725 --> 00:12:39,524
They're so much easier.
332
00:12:39,618 --> 00:12:40,856
My God.
333
00:12:40,957 --> 00:12:41,965
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
334
00:12:42,058 --> 00:12:43,330
What are these? These are sexy.
335
00:12:43,365 --> 00:12:45,062
Oh, how'd it go? Did
everything go all right?
336
00:12:45,161 --> 00:12:47,386
Oh, yeah, yeah, no, no,
nothing really to report.
337
00:12:47,421 --> 00:12:48,898
Uh, you know, I just kind
of hung around and said...
338
00:12:48,999 --> 00:12:50,782
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa. What the hell is that?
339
00:12:50,817 --> 00:12:52,758
One leather glove? Do
you want people to think
340
00:12:52,816 --> 00:12:55,385
I'm the biggest tool in the
world? You're done. Get out.
341
00:12:55,420 --> 00:12:56,548
- Uh, okay, okay, okay.
- Get out!
342
00:12:56,583 --> 00:12:57,803
- Just take it easy...
- Give me that.
343
00:12:57,873 --> 00:12:59,061
Hey, Jimmy,
344
00:12:59,139 --> 00:13:01,433
how'd you like a chance to shine, buddy?
345
00:13:01,468 --> 00:13:02,796
Absolutely.
346
00:13:02,895 --> 00:13:05,128
I think this could be great
for our relationship, Jeff,
347
00:13:05,163 --> 00:13:07,137
to be able to see the
world through your eyes...
348
00:13:07,172 --> 00:13:09,085
No, no, no, no, don't overthink it, okay?
349
00:13:09,181 --> 00:13:11,033
Just keep to yourself
350
00:13:11,203 --> 00:13:12,705
and be quiet.
351
00:13:17,544 --> 00:13:18,577
What would you rather have:
352
00:13:18,678 --> 00:13:21,181
ripped abs or swole traps?
353
00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:23,328
Dude, that's such a good question.
354
00:13:23,363 --> 00:13:25,418
Hey, Jesse, you like knives?
355
00:13:25,518 --> 00:13:27,682
'Cause this one's illegal.
356
00:13:27,717 --> 00:13:28,459
Whoa!
357
00:13:28,506 --> 00:13:30,404
I made you a little care package.
358
00:13:30,498 --> 00:13:32,444
Couple goodies, whatever.
359
00:13:32,510 --> 00:13:34,578
Whoa.
360
00:13:34,827 --> 00:13:37,930
It's like Internet porn
but in thin book form.
361
00:13:37,965 --> 00:13:38,866
Oh, she's a keeper.
362
00:13:38,966 --> 00:13:40,071
What are you doing after school?
363
00:13:40,134 --> 00:13:41,273
I know a junkyard where we can
364
00:13:41,343 --> 00:13:43,369
shoot out a bunch of old windshields.
365
00:13:43,432 --> 00:13:45,404
Awesome.
366
00:13:45,505 --> 00:13:48,088
That dirty bitch.
367
00:13:48,277 --> 00:13:49,027
Whoo!
368
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:50,930
Yeah... ooh!
369
00:13:50,965 --> 00:13:52,658
Whoa!
370
00:13:52,714 --> 00:13:54,152
I'm okay.
371
00:13:59,586 --> 00:14:01,711
I had no idea girls could do that.
372
00:14:01,797 --> 00:14:03,487
_
373
00:14:06,393 --> 00:14:09,520
Oh! Check out these boobs.
374
00:14:09,598 --> 00:14:11,695
You know, you're not like other girls.
375
00:14:11,730 --> 00:14:13,980
I'm not?
376
00:14:14,075 --> 00:14:16,027
What do you mean?
377
00:14:16,062 --> 00:14:16,871
Come here.
378
00:14:16,934 --> 00:14:18,705
Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hands off, buddy!
379
00:14:18,805 --> 00:14:20,207
I'm not a piece of meat, all right?
380
00:14:20,306 --> 00:14:21,301
What are you doing?
381
00:14:21,376 --> 00:14:23,019
We're having a nice day
looking at porn mags,
382
00:14:23,092 --> 00:14:24,475
- and then you got to do that.
- I'm sorry.
383
00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:27,396
I... I thought you wanted...
ugh. Girls are so complicated.
384
00:14:27,431 --> 00:14:28,977
Hey, it's okay. I'm sorry.
385
00:14:29,012 --> 00:14:31,900
I just... I feel like I barely know you.
386
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,550
You know, tell me about yourself.
387
00:14:33,585 --> 00:14:35,105
Do you have any hidden talents?
388
00:14:35,204 --> 00:14:37,740
Like, do you play an instrument?
389
00:14:37,841 --> 00:14:39,563
I mean, I used to play xylophone,
390
00:14:39,649 --> 00:14:41,311
but that was super lame.
391
00:14:41,411 --> 00:14:46,749
- Well, I...
- Think that sounds really hot.
392
00:14:46,850 --> 00:14:47,951
You... you do?
393
00:14:48,050 --> 00:14:50,012
Yeah, I'm super turned on
394
00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:53,089
by guys who have secret sexy skills.
395
00:14:53,188 --> 00:14:55,324
Have you thought about
signing up for the talent show
396
00:14:55,376 --> 00:14:58,299
- tomorrow, by the way?
- Yeah, right.
397
00:14:58,334 --> 00:14:59,781
That's for [bleep] nerds.
398
00:14:59,859 --> 00:15:02,375
I'm just saying, if you did enter it,
399
00:15:02,460 --> 00:15:05,518
I'm pretty sure I'd suck your [bleep].
400
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:07,004
- Where are the talent show...
- Oh...
401
00:15:07,059 --> 00:15:08,277
- Sign-up sheets?
- Take it easy, now.
402
00:15:08,358 --> 00:15:09,556
Answer me!
403
00:15:12,216 --> 00:15:14,771
And then his hand went
into the blender, and...
404
00:15:14,806 --> 00:15:16,355
- He's insane, man!
- It started shaking.
405
00:15:16,425 --> 00:15:18,623
Guys, that'll be all. Thank you.
406
00:15:18,658 --> 00:15:20,116
I can still smell his flesh.
407
00:15:20,216 --> 00:15:23,020
I knew I should've gotten
workers' comp insurance.
408
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:26,173
Jeff! How... how's your hand?
409
00:15:29,307 --> 00:15:31,193
You sure there's
410
00:15:31,294 --> 00:15:33,630
nothing you want to talk about?
411
00:15:33,730 --> 00:15:36,757
Actually, yeah, okay.
412
00:15:36,792 --> 00:15:38,564
There's a lot I want to get off my chest.
413
00:15:38,599 --> 00:15:42,298
Do you think that I,
Jeff, can be incredibly
414
00:15:42,407 --> 00:15:44,474
insensitive and unreasonable?
415
00:15:44,573 --> 00:15:46,563
'Cause I do!
416
00:15:46,650 --> 00:15:48,853
There's no need to threaten me here.
417
00:15:48,930 --> 00:15:51,901
How about I give you $5,000,
418
00:15:51,969 --> 00:15:53,931
and we put this whole thing behind us?
419
00:15:53,993 --> 00:15:54,801
What do you think?
420
00:15:54,836 --> 00:15:57,353
I just think I can be a
little vindictive sometimes,
421
00:15:57,452 --> 00:15:59,557
and I take advantage of the people I know.
422
00:15:59,617 --> 00:16:00,726
Have you ever noticed that?
423
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,596
20,000! Cash.
424
00:16:02,657 --> 00:16:04,392
Are you happy now?
425
00:16:04,593 --> 00:16:06,962
Yes, sir, I am.
426
00:16:07,063 --> 00:16:09,466
Thank you for listening to me.
427
00:16:13,671 --> 00:16:17,373
♪ Something's coming,
it's gonna be great ♪
428
00:16:17,472 --> 00:16:20,976
♪ I'm so excited I just can't wait ♪
429
00:16:21,077 --> 00:16:23,478
♪ Will it happen in the woods? ♪
430
00:16:23,513 --> 00:16:25,381
♪ Or in the bathroom? ♪
431
00:16:25,481 --> 00:16:28,284
♪ Wherever it happens,
I'll be like... ♪
432
00:16:33,434 --> 00:16:34,924
You know, I've been
trying to motivate that kid
433
00:16:35,024 --> 00:16:37,260
for two years. Now look at him.
434
00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:39,329
He's motivating the entire school.
435
00:16:39,428 --> 00:16:41,344
I don't know what's going
on here, but it's incredible.
436
00:16:41,379 --> 00:16:43,132
Hey, come on. You're not the only one
437
00:16:43,231 --> 00:16:44,769
who wants to showcase their talents here.
438
00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:46,436
I don't know, should I?
439
00:16:46,535 --> 00:16:47,950
Do it, do it.
440
00:16:48,013 --> 00:16:49,371
Uhh.
441
00:16:49,472 --> 00:16:50,372
Heh.
442
00:16:50,472 --> 00:16:51,420
Yes.
443
00:16:51,455 --> 00:16:52,607
What did you think, babe?
444
00:16:52,708 --> 00:16:54,375
Did you pick up on the subtext?
445
00:16:54,453 --> 00:16:56,088
Yeah, yeah. Great stuff.
446
00:16:56,166 --> 00:16:57,212
I'm super turned on.
447
00:16:57,291 --> 00:16:58,760
Let's talk about it after the show.
448
00:17:00,350 --> 00:17:03,785
Next up, Julie Maplethorp!
449
00:17:07,010 --> 00:17:08,754
Um, I... I...
450
00:17:10,993 --> 00:17:13,846
I... I'm sorry. This was a mistake.
451
00:17:13,881 --> 00:17:15,362
Oh, my God, I can't watch this.
452
00:17:15,397 --> 00:17:17,566
I don't even... I'm... I'm sorry.
453
00:17:17,667 --> 00:17:19,314
Oh, [bleep], she's choking.
454
00:17:19,392 --> 00:17:22,015
Bro, she's got, like, no stage presence.
455
00:17:25,218 --> 00:17:28,412
Psst, hey, you got this.
456
00:17:31,152 --> 00:17:34,157
Okay, um, this song is called,
457
00:17:34,251 --> 00:17:36,586
"One Flute Is Never Enough."
458
00:17:44,694 --> 00:17:45,728
Wow.
459
00:17:45,828 --> 00:17:46,963
Oh, my God.
460
00:17:47,063 --> 00:17:49,166
Dude, this is giving
me emotional reactions.
461
00:17:49,265 --> 00:17:50,167
Sweet.
462
00:17:52,034 --> 00:17:54,078
Thank you so much!
463
00:17:54,140 --> 00:17:57,469
Whoo! Yeah, oh, my God, yes.
464
00:17:57,539 --> 00:17:58,546
That was awesome.
465
00:17:58,624 --> 00:18:01,231
That's what I'm talking about, baby!
466
00:18:01,271 --> 00:18:02,962
Thank you, Sasha.
467
00:18:03,179 --> 00:18:06,350
I don't understand,
though. Why did you help me?
468
00:18:06,449 --> 00:18:08,617
Because I care about you, Julie.
469
00:18:08,717 --> 00:18:10,553
Just know that in this life,
470
00:18:10,652 --> 00:18:13,088
you'll have forces pulling
you in every direction.
471
00:18:13,158 --> 00:18:15,691
But you have to remember
that there's nothing
472
00:18:15,792 --> 00:18:17,941
more important than... my balls!
473
00:18:17,976 --> 00:18:20,796
Oh, goddamn it. Let me
go! Let me go, please!
474
00:18:20,897 --> 00:18:23,066
Who the hell are you? Oh!
475
00:18:23,166 --> 00:18:25,255
Oh, my balls! What the hell?
476
00:18:29,717 --> 00:18:33,418
No!
477
00:18:33,837 --> 00:18:34,536
Who are you?!
478
00:18:34,618 --> 00:18:37,210
Is this some kind of child
molester virtual reality
479
00:18:37,245 --> 00:18:39,052
so you can practice?
480
00:18:39,087 --> 00:18:40,496
You are a bad man, Jeff.
481
00:18:40,531 --> 00:18:42,566
- Evgeny, is that you?
- Huh?
482
00:18:42,601 --> 00:18:44,404
No, no, no. I'm another Ukrainian.
483
00:18:44,439 --> 00:18:45,199
Don't be racist.
484
00:18:45,234 --> 00:18:47,087
I'm telling you, you have the wrong guy.
485
00:18:47,122 --> 00:18:48,956
Forgot my balls knife.
486
00:18:49,034 --> 00:18:51,659
Balls knife? What... what do
you need a balls knife for?
487
00:18:51,744 --> 00:18:53,075
Wait, wait, wait!
488
00:18:56,385 --> 00:18:59,189
Ah, silly me.
489
00:19:03,096 --> 00:19:04,191
Huh?
490
00:19:06,101 --> 00:19:07,334
Don't fight it.
491
00:19:07,435 --> 00:19:10,260
It will be painful, but
it is for your own good.
492
00:19:10,295 --> 00:19:12,273
It's okay. I feel great.
493
00:19:12,372 --> 00:19:15,409
I finally got to express myself.
494
00:19:15,508 --> 00:19:18,415
Well, you won't be
expressing yourself anymore.
495
00:19:20,581 --> 00:19:23,088
That's where those belong.
496
00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:27,379
What happened to you?
497
00:19:28,589 --> 00:19:30,892
What happened to you?
498
00:19:37,396 --> 00:19:38,932
I can't believe that Carl Lingus
499
00:19:39,033 --> 00:19:40,951
didn't even come to his
own daughter's funeral.
500
00:19:41,053 --> 00:19:43,137
I just lost a lot of respect for that guy.
501
00:19:43,205 --> 00:19:45,016
Yeah, it's sad, but once again,
502
00:19:45,102 --> 00:19:47,007
you're focusing on all
the wrong details, okay?
503
00:19:47,108 --> 00:19:50,342
The important thing is Julie's
playing the flute again.
504
00:19:50,377 --> 00:19:53,081
Look at her; doesn't she
look beautiful up there?
505
00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:55,427
Yeah, Julie, [bleep] do it!
506
00:20:00,245 --> 00:20:01,851
Okay, Jeff, here's the deal.
507
00:20:01,886 --> 00:20:03,373
Oh, no, look, look, whatever happened
508
00:20:03,408 --> 00:20:05,059
in the last few days,
I just want you to know
509
00:20:05,159 --> 00:20:06,194
I wasn't being myself, and...
510
00:20:06,294 --> 00:20:08,972
I had to borrow some
money from my ex-wife,
511
00:20:09,047 --> 00:20:10,356
- but it's all here.
- Whoa, whoa.
512
00:20:10,457 --> 00:20:11,573
Wait, what happened?
513
00:20:11,608 --> 00:20:14,101
Shh. We'll never speak of this again.
514
00:20:14,201 --> 00:20:15,669
Wha...
515
00:20:15,769 --> 00:20:17,070
Okay!
516
00:20:17,170 --> 00:20:20,076
Howdy, sir, do you have any
interest in buying some cookies?
517
00:20:20,138 --> 00:20:21,225
- What? No, no, no.
- 'Cause I have...
518
00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:22,937
I hate Girl Scout cookies, all right?
519
00:20:23,023 --> 00:20:25,279
I am done with all you little girls.
520
00:20:25,380 --> 00:20:26,715
- Here, here's $100...
- Huh?
521
00:20:26,814 --> 00:20:29,784
To never come back here again. All right?
522
00:20:29,927 --> 00:20:32,383
It appears a scorpion
523
00:20:32,445 --> 00:20:36,157
without a stinger
becomes a harmless beetle.
524
00:20:36,323 --> 00:20:37,824
Nice! That means you'll
525
00:20:37,942 --> 00:20:39,840
be able to pay off all
that credit card debt.
526
00:20:39,933 --> 00:20:43,198
Oh, no. I got a much better plan.
527
00:20:44,549 --> 00:20:46,015
♪ Follow your dreams ♪
528
00:20:46,050 --> 00:20:48,524
♪ Follow your dreams rip
your pants at the seams ♪
529
00:20:48,602 --> 00:20:49,969
♪ When you follow your dreams ♪
530
00:20:50,070 --> 00:20:53,912
_
531
00:20:53,978 --> 00:20:55,811
_
532
00:20:55,902 --> 00:20:58,359
_
533
00:20:58,394 --> 00:20:59,871
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
534
00:20:59,906 --> 00:21:00,453
Cut.
36233
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